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I'm not your average guy.
What I'm putting on isn't makeup.
It's a mask.
Because my job requires it.
Hi, everyone, I'm Master Sammy.
It's now time for the most popular beauty segment.
We've invited legendary makeup artist Master Sammy.
Let's see what he's got this time.
Today, I'll show you
how to do your makeup for work in three minutes.
Three minutes, really?
Yes, it's the same amount of time to cook instant noodles.
Makeup in three minutes?
That's amazing!
Let's welcome our model,
Kiki.
Hello, everyone.
Let's get started.
We first need to apply some essential serum before the makeup.
Put a few drops in the middle of your palm.
Apply it evenly over your face,
massaging it for half an hour.
Then we can--
Master Sammy,
you just said it'd take three minutes.
Now you're saying 30.
How long does it really take?
Makeup takes three minutes.
The massage beforehand takes half an hour.
Altogether, it'll be 90 minutes.
Excuse me, as time is of the essence,
could we speed things up?
Let's start...
with a forehead massage.
Apply the essential serum on your forehead
in upward strokes...
and then downward strokes.
When you reach your cheeks,
push upwards to give it some lift,
so that it'll firm up and become sharper and slimmer.
Now...
massage along the lymph glands,
then move along the décolletage and to the chest.
Kiki...
Why does your breathing sound so strange?
Sorry, Master Sammy.
My nose is stuffed,
so I have to breathe with my mouth.
That's about it for the massage.
Master Sammy, please apply makeup now.
Sure.
Okay,
what do we do after the lips?
Right, the brows.
But remember, the thing about brows...
is never to draw them from the inner corner.
Start in the middle.
Then slowly sketch out your arch.
And use an eyebrow brush...
to spread it out evenly.
YINCHUAN
Mobile phone are not allowed in the oil fields.
Please be safe.
We'll be aware.
Let's go to the exhibition hall now.
Very well.
I've bought everything we need.
And everything we don't.
What time is it?
I need to call my baby.
The technology used in our oil fields...
Hello.
Why didn't you answer my call earlier?
You can't use mobile phones in the oil fields.
What's the matter?
Guess who I'm with?
Guess what we had for lunch?
Guess whether I missed you?
I'm very busy.
Tell me you love me, quick, tell me!
I love you, love you, love you!
Ridiculous!
Mr. Chan...
Did you just hang up on your lover?
We're having a business meeting here.
Then you'll have to wait.
Hello.
Clerk Chan, you hung up on me!
How dare you!
She hung up on me!
Mr. Chan, hasn't that happened to you before?
I also hung up
on my wife once.
I had to spend 5 million
on a diamond necklace before she would stop hassling me.
Why didn't you tell me earlier?
How about this...
Buy your lover a toy.
The bigger, the more expensive, the better.
A big toy?
Boss.
Where is Miss?
Miss? She's over there brewing in her anger.
Dream.
What slimming exercises did you learn today?
The program on TV was teaching this.
I'll show you.
One, two, three, four.
Straight back, slim ankles.
Any good?
I measured.
I'm already one inch slimmer.
Let's see if you've got a muffin top.
How does that concern you?
All right!
This is for you!
Silly you!
You've bought so many cosmetics.
You must've spent a few thousand.
More than a few thousand. I bought an entire company.
It's a Chinese brand.
From now on,
you're the boss of this company.
Why did you do that?
I'm busy and don't have enough time for you.
And I know you like makeup...
So, I bought you this big toy.
No...
I mean, this company is especially for you,
so that you'll have something to do.
Thank you! Baby!
You're crushing my belly!
I can't breathe.
But I only use cosmetics.
I don't know how to run a company.
Silly.
I have an oil company,
but do I extract it myself?
If you can't manage, go find someone.
And you'll just have to manage that person.
If you suddenly find that you can't button up
the dress you need to wear, what do you do?
Master Sammy knows!
One by one, no hurry.
Have you tried out my techniques?
Thank you, Sammy.
Miss, what is this?
A contract.
A contract?
Are you for real?
Yes, of course.
You see, I've just bought a cosmetics company.
And I want to hire you as our CEO.
Miss, I'm already fully occupied.
I need to host TV shows and teach.
That's all right.
You've signed the contract. If you don't work...
I'll get a lawyer to sue you.
This is highway robbery!
You're wasting my time.
Ten million a year. In cash. All yours!
Ten million?
Are you still considering?
Dream, let's go!
Go!
-Wait! -Money, you are so evil.
Did you just break up?
He said I'm ugly. He doesn't love me anymore.
You just can't see your beauty.
Liar. I'm not beautiful at all.
You just haven't discovered your beauty.
Who cares if he doesn't love you?
The important thing is to love yourself.
But I'm really not beautiful at all.
If you don't mind, give me a few minutes.
I'll prove how beautiful you really are.
Your eyes and eyebrows
naturally form the golden ratio.
Only two percent of women in the world have that.
Can you hear your beauty crying for attention?
So pretty.
I guarantee all living creatures
will skip a heartbeat when they see you.
Thank you.
Confidence!
Thank you!
Goodbye, beautiful!
You did her makeup?
Women will do anything for beauty.
And no woman thinks they're truly ugly.
I'm Arnold Cheng,
an average cosmetician and salesperson.
I have a good understanding of most women, except one...
Hello.
Hello!
How are you?
Would you be writing a story
about flight attendants?
You got me again.
I'm just messing around.
The publisher said flight attendant stories
are selling well recently.
My next story will be about
a flight attendant and a flight captain...
entwined in a romance that endures life and death.
Now I need the feeling of being a flight attendant.
I'm going to the airport to get to know a flight captain.
Maybe two.
And start dating them.
Captain, please.
Where are we above now?
Wherever you want to be.
Don't we have to transit?
We can't possibly ignore the control tower.
Because of you
my life has reached a point of transit.
From now on...
what you control are my emotions and my life.
My life and entire airplane
are in your hands now.
Isn't that irresponsible?
It's because you're my responsibility now...
I'm willing to be irresponsible to everyone else.
You can't be like that.
What's happening?
Nothing much, we're just about to crash.
Seriously?
Romance that endures life and death?
I don't want life and death!
Save me!
You've arrived.
I'm here to redeem my free gift.
This coupon...
is overdue.
But I've reserved one for you.
Why, thank you.
Working hard on your novel?
It never sells when I write in my own name.
When I use someone else's name, it becomes really popular.
She's Mona.
My first girlfriend.
Whenever she writes, she really gets into her story.
So much that...
she'll be the protagonist
and search for love.
There are two reasons why she'll come to me.
One is cosmetics.
And one is a break-up.
Good morning, sir.
Miss Chim is expecting you.
Right at the end of the corridor.
The receptionist is already such a looker...
I wonder what'll be down there?
Boss, there's a whole room of beauties waiting.
This place is huge, why don't I take you through?
Awesome!
I'm going to rent the whole place!
I want lots of women.
You're so naughty.
Don't do that, Boss.
But I want to!
There are so many more inside, let me go.
Sammy? Sammy.
Hi!
I'm all right. I know the way.
I'm Better.
Better.
I'll remember you.
Hello, Sammy.
I'm Chim's secretary, Memo.
Please follow me.
Good morning, Sammy.
Good morning.
Sammy, there's something
I keep forgetting to tell you.
Please don't be offended.
What is it?
I forget to tell you
that all our staff is female.
It would have been all right if you hadn't said it, but now...
I feel offended.
You do?
So very many.
Hello, Sammy.
I'm finding this very offensive!
Here's some information for you.
Thank you.
Let me introduce you all...
to our new CEO,
Sammy.
Hello.
I'll switch to Mandarin,
so that our Boss will understand.
Welcome, everyone!
I'm so nervous.
Breathe, breathe.
I think...
that as long as we have a dream, anything is possible.
As long as we're willing to work hard,
even if others look down upon us,
we must have faith in ourselves!
We must work hard!
Thank you!
Who are you?
She's Claire.
Your assistant.
What... What did you say?
She's Claire, your assistant.
The tea lady is my assistant?
Hello, Master Sammy, I'm Claire.
I've watched your shows.
You're even more handsome in real life.
So I look ugly on TV?
No, you look even better in real life.
Which department were you under before?
Initially I was hired as a temp
for the operations department.
Then they needed staff in marketing,
so I went over there
to do advertising and events.
And because I know some chemistry,
I also went to the lab and helped with testing.
I took some courses in accounting...
and they happened to need an accountant.
Then I became a chartered accountant
and helped for a few months.
All right.
I'm getting a headache listening to you.
In any case, you're my secretary.
To be precise,
I'm your assistant.
Your secretary is Creamy.
Who's Creamy?
The girl over there.
And you?
Master Sammy, let me explain.
There's a big difference
between secretary and assistant.
A secretary's duties...
Should I go through the finer points now?
Hold it, you're making me deaf.
Let me make this clear.
Don't call me Master Sammy.
Just Sammy will do.
I understand, Master Sammy.
Master Sammy, I'm very happy to be of service.
Forget it, you can leave now, thanks.
Goodbye.
It's been a while.
I can't believe that Arnold Cheng,
top of the class at beauty school,
has ended up a salesperson after so many years.
Neither can I imagine that the macho guy
is now that sissy Master Sammy.
It's just a job.
Same here.
I want you to help me...
and be in charge
of Beauty's most luxurious counter in Central.
I'm so free here
at a neighborhood counter
chatting with housewives.
How can I handle the posh ladies
who lunch in Central?
If you can deal with housewives,
you can deal with those ladies.
You don't want to be stuck in here all your life, do you?
We need to establish homegrown brands.
Every woman in China is waiting for us.
What's the salary?
What do you want?
Hello!
Incapable women are always the most powerful women.
What are you talking about?
When a man no longer loves you,
there's no difference
whether you treat him well or badly.
Eileen Zhang Ailing said that.
Zhang's become a hit again recently.
My publisher asked me to write in that era
under the name Aylin Zhang,
so people might buy my book by mistake.
Why did you come? What brings you here today?
I got a new job.
I'm now in charge
of a makeup counter in a department store.
You ask if it's worthy to love you.
But you must know...
Love isn't about
what's worth it.
Eileen Zhang's novels are from a long time ago...
Are they popular again?
Ip Man's from a long time ago too.
People are rushing to make movies about him.
Raymond Wong did it.
And now Wong Kar-wai.
He's having Tony Leung to do it.
It's been taking so long.
Who knows when they're going to finish.
It's a joke.
"When Ip Man meets Aylin Zhang"
Ip Man, from Foshan Wing Chun.
That's so cool!
I meant your hat.
It's nothing.
May I inquire as to the purpose of today's meeting?
I heard that Ms. Aylin is a master in the art of love,
which propelled me to embark on this visit.
I hope that I can learn from you,
Ms. Aylin, about love.
Does it mean that you want to date me?
Indeed, but...
I'm not well learned in the art of dating.
That's why I wanted to meet you.
If we're dating, we'd have to hold hands.
Have you ever held a girl's hand?
I'm not really good at holding hands.
But pushing hands is another matter.
I've never tried pushing hands.
Is it romantic?
If you don't mind me saying,
I think it's more fun than holding hands.
Really?
Then can you teach me?
Very well.
Ms. Aylin...
Have you eaten?
Not yet.
Neither have I.
I hope one day pushing hands
will be as popular as holding hands.
Interesting.
I think I'll write that!
Go and read some novels, and stop hassling me.
Mona likes to put perfume in her ink.
She says it's more romantic that way.
She particularly likes writing in this bookshop.
It's like her office.
She is the type of person
who dreams all day.
She often says things that I don't understand.
Why were you my first boyfriend?
Why weren't you my last boyfriend?
Sometimes I wonder
what would happen to me without you.
But I also want to know,
what is the "what"
that would happen.
I'll sign after I finish reading it.
-All right -Honey!
Surprise!
Why did you come all the way to Yinchuan?
I came to see you.
I'm sorry.
You're his missus.
I've heard a lot about you.
Girlfriend, Dream.
Girlfriend Dream, it's a pleasure to meet you.
Pleasure to meet you. Please take a seat.
Yes?
Do you remember which special day it is today?
Of course.
I'm going to sign a contract with Director Zhang today.
We're going to celebrate tonight. You can come too.
Assist her outside where she can wait.
Miss Chim, please come with me.
You really don't remember?
It's the day we sign the contract.
It's not important anymore!
Dream! Dream!
There she goes again.
What day is it today?
Boss...
It's Miss Chim's birthday today.
Birthday?
Mr. Chan, you're so dead.
Whatever, let's sign the contract.
Boss, I'm going now.
Not having a proper meal?
This is my birthday dinner.
It's you're birthday today?
Yep.
Happy birthday!
Where's your birthday cake?
I get it...
You must be snacking while you wait for Mr. Chan.
He forgot about my birthday.
All he wants is to make money.
To him, business is everything.
Do all men think women's birthdays
aren't important?
Of course not.
They are awfully important.
I remember all my sisters' birthdays.
Really?
Really.
Come with me.
Where to?
Come on, quick.
Where... Where are we going?
I want you to give me flowers.
Boss...
This is the only place you can still
buy flowers at this hour,
so please take these.
I don't know when
my boyfriend began to rely on his secretary
to do everything.
It's been so long since I've received flowers from him in person.
To women, it's not about the flowers.
It's the thought that counts.
I want cake too!
Cake too?
I want that one.
Miss, you can't have it, it's mine.
You haven't paid for it. How could it be yours?
That lady said
she'd reserve it for me
for when it goes on sale later tonight.
From a profitability perspective,
if I'm able to afford the original price while she can't,
of course she'd sell it to me.
Miss, I'm buying this cake.
It's for my granddaughter.
Her parents have both passed away.
She's never had a birthday cake in her life.
Could you...
Forget it.
You can get a cake anytime.
This one is so important to her.
Just let her have it, Boss.
I don't care. I want it!
Let's make a wish.
Okay!
Let's blow the candles!
One, two, three.
Happy birthday!
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Do you like it?
Yes!
I always thought that on my birthday
I would want others
to make me happy,
but I feel even happier
doing good for someone else.
Let's take a photo.
Sweetie, can you help?
Press here.
Ready...
One, two, three.
Boss.
You don't need to worry
about skipping Miss Chim's birthday anymore.
She had a great time.
She was happy without me?
She said so on her blog, see for yourself.
Is that a boy's hand?
No, it's not.
It's a man's hand!
Everyone.
We've got plenty of choices
to film our UV range advertisement.
We can go to outer space, deserts, yachts...
Even a swimming pool in Africa.
-Hello? -Dream, it's your baby.
Guess what I'm doing?
I'm busy right now, call you later.
Say you love me.
Love you, love you, love you! Carry on.
A yacht would be ideal.
The models have good figures.
They can all wear bikinis.
Hold on.
We're talking about filming next week.
I might not be able to find a decent yacht
in such a short time.
-Hello? -Hello?
-Smoothie. -Yes.
-Are you Smoothie? -I said yes!
I need to film an ad next week.
Let me borrow
-one of your yachts. -Which one?
Just the most standard one will do.
I have so many, it's fine.
Really?
-Thank you. -I have many, you can just take one.
Done.
I'm sorry, Miss Chim.
The person who just off-handedly lent you a yacht is...
He wouldn't be the multi-billionaire...
Whose nickname is Smoothie?
Yes.
We're good friends.
I heard that he's single.
You have a chance.
Why didn't anyone tell me about this meeting?
I'm the Marketing Director after all!
They said you were busy. We didn't want to disturb you.
But it's all right, we've already decided
to film next week's ad on a yacht.
Come along if you're free.
Claire.
Pack up.
Yes, Master Sammy.
Boss, that's it for the meeting.
My God! The sun is killing me.
I can't imagine how much whitening
I'll have to do to stay fair.
I know!
Which evil person suggested filming this ad on sea?
He'll be cursed with bad luck for sure!
Let's get some wind.
I want to exude an ethereal feeling.
Sure, sure.
Is anyone going to give me some shade here?
It's Smoothie! He's coming!
Smoothie's coming!
What are they doing?
What shall we do?
I heard he just broke up with his girlfriend.
If he lays his eyes on me, I'll be rich!
I'm going for it, no matter what!
Ready! Go!
Hi, I'm Jodi,
the Marketing Director at Beauty.
I'm Social,
Jodi's secretary.
I'm Creamy,
Sammy's secretary.
All these women!
All these women... I'm suffocating!
I can't breathe.
Hi. I'm the CEO of Beauty.
A man.
A man!
A man.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
I'm Sammy by the way.
Are you afraid of women?
Every one of them is just trying to scam me for money.
All they want is money.
Take a break.
-It's dirty there, rub it off. -Okay.
How about...
the one who came up just then?
Which one?
The one who's scrubbing the floors.
How about Cinderella?
She specializes in heavy labor.
Very pretty.
A pretty lady doing heavy labor.
But Cinderella might want to scam me too.
Do you want to try?
Can I?
Money!
Lots of money!
She's no exception.
I know. But...
Miss, did you lose $5,000?
No.
Did you lose $5,000?
Miss, excuse me, is this yours?
Master Sammy, I found $5,000.
The person who lost it must be really upset.
Master Sammy lent me this spare change, and I lost it.
I didn't bring any cash with me today, Cinderella.
Hello, Mr. Smoothie.
Please call me Claire.
Hello?
Hello.
Are you Miss Claire?
Yes.
My name is Kawaii.
I'm Mr. Bill Liu, aka Smoothie's secretary.
My boss would like to invite you to dinner,
so he's wondering if you would be free?
Mr. Smoothie wants to ask me out for dinner?
Wait... Wait a second.
What?
Then just say yes!
All right.
Okay.
Sorry, it's still Kawaii here.
What would you like to eat?
Fast food shop? No.
The fast food shop below my office, on the left.
Fast food shop?
Sure, I've never tried one in my life.
Tomorrow night, 8 p.m.
Okay.
Let's rent the whole place out, as usual.
Boss, you can't rent out fast food shops.
Well, then get everyone else out.
Yes, Boss.
Excuse me, sir.
Here's a little something, please go to another restaurant.
Excuse me, ladies...
Miss Claire!
Mr. Smoothie, you really came!
I arranged the date, of course I'd come.
I thought you might not be used to a place like this.
I come to this restaurant every day!
Please.
Mr. Smoothie, it's self-service here.
I've always had service when I need it.
Welcome! Please take a look at what you'd like to order.
Well, what's your specialty?
Is your Executive Chef in?
Give me a suggestion.
We have everything on the menu.
We have a Japanese hot pot set
with grain-fed beef and prawns
or grain-fed beef and drunken chicken.
As for the soup base...
Let's have that hot pot, they're famous for it.
You want hot pot? Let's have it then.
Add $1.28US to also get a large bottle of grape juice.
How much would it be
if I want a bottle of '82 Lafite?
How about a bottle of '82 Ribena,
it's made out of grapes too.
Right, so that'll be all.
Thank you.
That'll be $105, please.
Card or cash?
$105?
It's my treat.
Card, please.
Please swipe here.
No reaction, you're out of money.
What? You're kidding.
I just bought an airplane
with this card.
Try another one.
None of them works. Use cash.
Rich people don't carry cash around.
Shing!
Why don't you let it be my treat?
You're treating me?
Mr. Smoothie, are you all right?
I'm very touched.
No woman has ever paid for my dinner before.
Even my mother only gave me milk.
Dream!
The TV has changed.
The cosmetics have changed.
The pillows have changed.
The duvet has changed.
The bed sheets have changed.
Even the mattress has changed.
Does she want to have me changed too?
I've bought you...
the most decadent diamond necklace in South Africa.
Thank you.
Look.
It's so bright that I can't open my eyes.
I need to sleep!
I've been trying to get hold
of this real estate tycoon's daughter.
I never heard from her once!
How horrible.
Smoothie calls and she comes running.
Maybe she thinks our offer is genuinely sincere.
I hope so.
Hello, Victoria.
Call me Miss Lee.
So you're my ex's new gal?
That's her.
Am I talking to you?
I don't even know you.
He's our company's--
Miss Lee is very busy, you have five minutes.
This is our proposal. We hope to be a tenant at one of your counters.
I'm sure you understand
that among our competitors...
our counters' sales have been doing quite well.
We hope to set up in your shopping mall.
-Hello? -Hello?
Your new gal is right in front of me.
What do you want?
You might think it's subjective,
but I don't think she's pretty.
What do you think?
She's average.
You heard.
I know we've broken up...
But at least give me some respect.
Don't just randomly pick up anybody.
People were mocking me last night.
They said my ex is dating a cheap nobody.
I was so sad that I cried all night.
The magazines say she used to live in public housing.
Please! I only agreed to see her for your sake.
Bitch!
Are you talking to me?
Yes, I'm talking to you, hag.
You stinky hag, stupid hag
Even your mother's a hag
Hag, hag, hag
You freaking hag
Hag
She's horrible and there's a whole 5'11" of her.
And watch out for those baubles below.
Hey, secretary of the hag, that's exactly five minutes.
Let's go.
Bye, Miss hag.
You heard them, they called me a hag!
Put them on the blacklist! Blacklist!
Hag, so déclassé.
Why are you leaving in such a hurry?
Hold on.
Hey.
I'm sorry, Master Sammy.
Please give me a minute.
What happened?
-Are you all right? -I'm fine.
Give me a minute, I'm fine.
No, don't let it brew inside.
What's wrong?
I think...
I can't go out with Mr. Smoothie anymore.
Miss hag was right.
I'm not good enough for him.
The guy didn't say he's gonna ditch you.
You're usually so optimistic.
It's just a facade, I'm actually very insecure.
I pretend to be optimistic to hide my pessimism.
Do you understand?
Don't worry about anything now.
Pull yourself together.
You can't lose to that woman.
When it comes to love,
there's no such thing as good enough.
You can only love and not love.
I have every confidence in you.
Here's a wager.
If you don't get married,
I'll do anything you ask.
If you do get married, I win.
So you won't lose either way, right?
Thank you.
Thank you, Master Sammy.
But...
We didn't get the counter just then.
What should we do?
Don't worry.
Just watch what that hag has to say to Smoothie.
The most crucial thing in life
is to know what to say to yourself.
Master Sammy,
you suddenly seem so macho.
In what way do I look like a macho man?
No, actually, you don't look macho after all.
Have you seen her
hanging out with suspicious characters?
I suspect Dream might be cheating on me.
No.
No? Look!
A pervert's hand, right on her chest!
This ring is the only clue.
He has such small crescents on his nails.
His kidneys must be weak.
What are you doing?
Checking if my kidneys could be weak.
How dare this man touch my woman.
I must catch this adulterer!
What are you doing?
I want to pee, no... My back feels dry.
It's a little itchy. I'll put some moisturizer on later.
I asked around.
It costs 80,000 to buy his hand.
It's 150,000 to finish him off, then I'm in peace forever.
Isn't that a good bargain?
Indeed.
But, Boss, we must abide by the law in Hong Kong.
I'm just kidding, I'm not a barbarian.
But when I lose patience,
I don't joke around.
I become another man.
Rest assured, Boss, give me some time.
I'll find a private investigator and have it all fixed.
Good. I'm leaving.
All right.
He's scary.
Have you found the adulterer?
I don't think we'll find him so quickly.
I'm losing
patience.
I need to know all the men Dream saw
on her birthday.
Boss.
Sammy.
Memo, tell me all the men Dream saw
on her birthday.
That day...
I remember she saw you, Master Sammy.
She saw the counter manager, Mr. Cheng.
She got a snack delivery, and said the delivery boy was cute.
Call Cheng right away.
And I need to see
the cute delivery boy.
Boss, that's genius.
The guy will never be able to hide from you.
Hey.
What's the hurry?
The big boss wants to see us.
Be careful.
He has a weird obsession with hands.
What do you mean?
If he likes your hands, he won't let them go
and will keep kneading and fondling them.
Just for a little while, right?
For a whole day.
There you are.
This is our big boss.
-Hello! -Arnold Cheng.
Food delivery, anyone?
Yes, come here, I'll pay.
My boss is very welcoming.
In a moment he'll shake hands with you.
Even the delivery boy gets a handshake?
Here's $128.35.
Plus a ring. So will you shake now?
Of course!
Who wants a handshake? Who...
You're the cutie?
Yes, even my mother calls me that.
You didn't say we'd shake this long.
There's four of us, let's play mahjong.
Sure!
But can we play in the office?
I'm the boss and I say we can.
Right, whatever the boss says.
To be frank,
doing deliveries is just a part-time job.
I've traveled the world
playing numerous tournaments.
My real identity is the "God of Mahjong".
So, let's begin.
What's up? Don't you have a job to do?
Back to work! Go!
Back to work!
Let's play.
Hey.
Why aren't you shuffling?
Yeah, why not?
Why are you wearing gloves?
I'm afraid my hands will be allergic to these mahjong tiles.
No, take them off.
All right.
What's wrong with your nails?
Boss, I'm in the beauty business.
I need to try new products.
Wipe it off.
This nail polish is made out of asphalt.
I said wipe it off!
Okay.
We're playing Taiwanese mahjong.
My mother's Taiwanese.
I learned to play as a kid.
I'm not quite familiar, please forgive me. me.
Here goes.
What's happened?
Why isn't anyone here?
So why are you still looking?
I didn't ask you to look. I've already played.
So quickly?
I think I've scored.
all triplets, scored without playing.
That's 90 points.
Superb! I'm lucky!
Ninety points?
We're all Cantonese, let's play that version.
Taiwanese mahjong doesn't require technique.
-Two circles -Three-of-a-kind!
Three-of-a-kind!
About to win.
Three-of-a-kind!
I don't believe you'll win with this!
Well, I just did.
You discarded the tile, so it's thanks to you.
That can't be.
It's just luck.
Again.
Wait.
I want to change seats. I'll change with you.
That's fine with me.
Wait.
Let's play the Beijing version this time.
My new girlfriend is from Beijing.
In Beijing mahjong, the biggest trump
is hunting for five.
What's that?
Hunting for five is hunting for five.
That means you have four and six, and you're missing five in the middle.
Don't shoot me!
Why did you ask then?
Just asking.
See what the God of Mahjong has got?
I'm not playing that one, this one is better.
West.
Four-of-a-kind.
Again.
I told you I was in luck today.
I hunt the five!
I hunt the five.
You guys tried to con me first.
-I'm not in your way, am I? -Thanks.
Come on, it's just a game.
You're the cheat!
Put the knife down!
I'm going to give you a good stabbing!
Put the knife down first!
This is a game, let's show some manners.
You're scaring me.
You're scaring me too.
What are you doing with that knife?
Thank God he's never lost money to me.
All three of you are cheaters!
You even want to cheat a delivery boy?
A multi-billionaire like him
doesn't need to scam spare change like this.
You all made me do it.
What do you want now?
A gun?
Sichuan version! We're changing seats.
I will fight to the end!
Yes! I've won!
Same here, let's see which of you is the loser.
Nine bamboos.
Here comes the God of Mahjong!
Hey.
Look again, it's a false call.
A false call indeed, God of Mahjong.
Why are we stopping? I've lost the most.
I'll pay for it.
Come, see if this looks similar.
Isn't this your hand?
Not now.
Now it's exactly the same.
-Thank you so much. -You're welcome.
Who's hand is this?
It wouldn't be yours, would it?
You adulterer!
Pretend to be a sissy to flirt with girls!
Clerk Chan! You need to make it clear.
If we were married, he'd be an adulterer.
This is big trouble.
It couldn't be worse than your false call.
You never said you'd marry me.
And yet you're suspicious of me?
Dream! Dream!
Dream! Dream.
Boss, are you all right?
That's dramatic.
Stop looking.
He's worth billions.
Quick, help him up.
Have a seat first.
Do you need a doctor?
What did I do wrong?
Why did she treat me like this?
I can't help you this time.
You adulterer!
Why would I still be here if I were the adulterer?
Waiting for you to have me killed?
You have a point.
Look at you, there's only money in your eyes.
You think that money can solve all problems.
Do I look that bad?
Get up.
Let me do a skin test for you.
Come on, stand still.
Spread your legs and do as I'm doing.
All right, bend over.
My tummy's in the way.
Then tuck it in.
Good, stay there.
One, two, three.
Okay, done!
What were you filming?
Nothing else but your expression.
The test is very simple.
If your face
is totally deformed in the photo,
it means your skin is aging rapidly.
Really?
-What is this? -Let me see. It's not bad.
I'm really that ugly?
That's what you look like, face it.
Master Sammy...
You're the beauty expert. Help me.
I know a really good plastic surgeon in America.
He can keep secrets and is really skilled.
I'll pass you his details.
Plastic surgery? What will he do?
Well, it depends on how you want to look.
If you want to look three to seven years younger,
then you can do a few facelifts...
Then get Botox. Perfect!
What if I want to look 20 or 30 years younger?
A piece of cake. Come here.
Just close your eyes...
and jump out of that window!
Then you won't only be younger, you'll have a new life.
Boss, I'm joking.
I don't want this ugly face, nor this big gut.
I hereby announce that I will hire Master Sammy...
as my stylist!
One thing that men should learn from women
is that no matter what you look like,
never give up on making yourself look better.
Staying slim can be done
anytime, anywhere.
Perseverance is the key.
-Don't come out once you're in. -Okay.
Lock him up!
This one matches your clothes today.
Thank you.
Is it new?
Please take a look, it's this season's newest rage.
Where is this brand from?
It's a reputable local brand.
Local?
Then it must be cheap.
Even crappy brands can sell here?
It's the beginning of the end.
The whole mall's been degraded.
When it comes to cosmetics,
I always choose European brands.
Or at the very least...
made in Japan.
But never a Chinese brand.
I wonder if it's cement or really foundation.
Cement? Will it corrode my skin?
Look, it even looks like lime.
Please allow me to say,
our local brand
isn't bad at all.
The production standards
are higher than those European brands.
Take a look at this color.
The quality is better
My requirements are more stringent.
I'm warning you, don't touch me.
If you touch my face, I'll sue you!
Even the lipstick looks bizarre.
He doesn't knows blush from a brush.
Brands we've never even heard of...
They don't hire decent staff anyway.
Looks like we can't shop here anymore.
The brands are so random.
I'm so going to complain.
Please do. It's fine. Now, run away, you cowards!
Your skin is rough and dull.
The tracks from your tears are so deep.
I bet you probably cry yourself to sleep every night.
You just use heavy makeup
to hide the loneliness and emptiness.
How did you know?
A lighter foundation will make you look brighter.
With "shy blush" you'll have a young girl's blush,
which will reveal a youthful shyness in you.
You think fake eyelashes
will make your eyes look bigger.
You're lying to yourself and freaking others out.
Ladies!
Think you're gorgeous?
I need to buy this! I need to buy your makeup!
Me too.
One by one.
You saw me. Was it too over the top?
I've known you for so long,
yet I never would have guessed that you're a lady-killer.
How on earth are you so good at it?
You want to know?
Come to my house after work.
Sure.
Call me later.
Hello?
Grandma, I'm bringing a friend home for dinner tonight.
A friend?
Good! Come back soon then.
Who was that?
Arnold said he's bringing a friend home for dinner.
Your brother's bringing his girlfriend home for dinner.
What? Really?
Yes.
Big sister!
Brother said he's bringing
his long-term girlfriend home for dinner.
Really?
Finally.
-Mom. -What is it?
Mom, brother's had a girlfriend all these years.
He's bringing her to dinner tonight!
Really?
That's great news!
What's the fuss?
Your uncle's bringing his fiancée over tonight...
to talk about their wedding.
Grandma...
Uncle's getting married soon.
He's back today to talk about the wedding.
Tell them to prepare.
Why didn't he say so on the phone?
Yes.
I didn't know your family
had a pet shop.
It's a pet salon.
I do makeup for people, my family does it for cats and dogs.
Anything wrong with that?
-Of course not. -Come in, you must be hungry.
Do you have dog food?
Cat food will fill you up too.
I'm back on time for dinner again.
A man?
-You know him? -Sammy?
Hi, Helen.
My sister Helen.
My niece.
Hi!
Let's eat.
Grandma, Mom, Auntie, bon appétit.
First sister, second sister, little one, bon appétit.
You are keeping fit, have vegetables.
Sammy, you should eat too.
I can't stand it anymore.
I'm sorry, what can't you stand?
Let's eat.
Help yourself.
Your family only eats prawns?
Because I like them.
Arnold, how long have you two known each other?
It's been a long time.
We used to go
to makeup school together.
And later, he asked me to work at his company.
Well, did you notice...
the straw used to be straight.
But it's interesting,
that now it can be shaped into a curve.
Or into all sorts of shapes.
Like a screwdriver
or a heart.
I really can't stand no more!
It's just a new style of straw.
Mommy, what can't you stand no more?
Stop calling her Mommy. I'm very conservative.
The straight straw was fine,
why bend it on purpose?
That's not wrong.
It's quite convenient
for putting it in your mouth like this.
Better than a straight one that pokes the throat.
You think it's interesting?
Indeed.
It's so fun.
In any case,
even bent ones can be made straight again.
Straws are so weird.
The more you bend the harder to straighten them again.
It gets soft on both sides eventually...
and loses its strength. Look...
What do you mean?
It lost its strength, so we'll throw it away.
I've had enough!
I will not allow you
and Arnold to be a couple!
A couple?
Brother, if this is embarrassing you,
we can stop talking about it.
I formally announce that...
I'm as straight as this chopstick!
And you?
That's none of your business.
Although you've learnt about women from them,
they don't represent all women.
At least I'm pretty good at selling cosmetics.
I'm taking you to meet
other types of women tonight.
Definitely not that kind, okay?
They're my makeup models.
Hello!
They're really cool.
Let's have fun!
You're having a nice chat, not afraid of women anymore?
Sammy...
Thanks for
inviting me tonight.
I really think you understand me.
Less is more. Natural is beautiful.
Don't drink too much.
Enough chatting for you three.
Do you want to improve your makeup skills?
Then you have to ask my friend.
You should each toast him and then ask him to teach you.
Okay.
Hello?
Yes, Sammy speaking.
I think it's Room 102.
All right, see you.
There are more models coming?
It's your girlfriend,
who is my assistant too.
She has a few documents for me to sign.
There are so many women here.
Will she get the wrong idea when she's here?
Hard to avoid.
Then what should I do?
I'd better leave.
Hey.
You shouldn't be so serious.
If you don't want to upset someone...
not even a little teeny weeny upset...
and don't want someone to get the wrong idea,
then you know you're for real.
I understand now.
I'm going.
Claire didn't say
where she was.
Wouldn't that be worse
if you bump into her like this?
Then what should I do?
Dress up like a woman.
What?
Do I look like a woman now?
Yes, you're as pretty as a flower.
Give us a spin.
Now bounce, make sure everything's in position.
Bounce again. Okay.
Words can't describe...
what I'm going through right now.
I'd like to sing a song.
Which song?
Gong Linna's "Heartbeat".
Heartbeat
Can I punch you?
Don't!
Master Sammy, your documents.
What took you so long?
Is this your friend?
Hello, I'm Claire.
You look familiar.
How could that be?
I'm from Dongbei, my name is Snowy.
Hello, I'm Claire.
Don't think you can touch him
just because he's a tranny.
Could you sign the documents first? Thank you.
-Hurry up then. -Thank you.
You've turned them upside down.
You really do look familiar.
He's a Northeast Indian,
plus a little Bengali.
And a bit of Thai kind of mix.
Among the trannies, he's the finest!
Stop staring! All pretty girls look familiar!
Clerk Chan, don't you dare run anywhere.
Stop playing hide and seek with me.
Miss... Miss Chim.
Why do you look so nervous?
Feeling guilty?
Where's the boss?
I can't tell you.
You're perched all pretty on the boss's chair.
I'm dispensable to him now.
Where is he? I need to see him.
I still can't tell you.
Are you going to tell me or not?
I'll have you fired!
Go ahead, Boss said
if you fire me, he'll hire me back.
Miss Chim, just cry out loud if you want to.
When attending a formal event,
if you had to wear makeup and glasses at the same time
I suggest you wear frameless glasses.
But remember,
they must suit your eyebrow and eye shape.
Right, I have two boxes of glasses here.
Choose a pair
that suits you the most.
For example, her eyebrows have a more rounded arch,
so a round pair of glasses
would suit her.
Here.
One more thing.
That's the color of your eye shadow.
To look good,
it should contrast strongly
-with the temple of your glasses. -Delivery.
Who ordered dessert from Xiao Tian Gu?
Me! I did!
Hello, everyone!
I asked someone to order it. Who did I ask?
Your secretary, Kawaii.
Kawaii ordered it.
Hello, everyone!
Mr. Smoothie, you're here!
-Yes. -Let me help you with that.
I heard that employees
are always doing overtime,
so I want to treat you desserts.
And I missed you so much!
Wow, that's a lot of affection.
Thank you, Smoothie!
Thank you!
I missed her so much!
Which one do you want? I'll get it for you.
I don't mind.
She's famous for her milk.
You're welcome.
Master Sammy, would you like a mango pudding?
Sure, thanks.
Stop working for a second, have some dessert.
Here, I'll feed you.
Have some while it's warm.
It stings my eyes.
Here.
Let me finish up first. I'll have it in a while.
We're dating now,
it's your turn to feed me.
Here.
I'll feed you!
Why?
You're so chubby and cute, like a baby.
Come, let me feed you.
I suddenly feel so maternal.
It's fun.
Fun, yeah?
You should have some too.
Mona, where are you? I'm in Causeway Bay.
I'm at your 11 o'clock.
There are so many people over there.
Come over, quickly.
Yes...
Look this way please.
Mona.
Hey?
What are you doing?
Doing some snapshots.
How about we go?
What?
Hey, you can't be so selfish.
You can't take her
for a one-on-one photo shoot.
Look at them!
Look at them.
What are you doing here?
Teen model photos are all the rage now.
You know, those models can't really write.
I can ghost write autobiographies
on their behalf.
Don't you think I look really pretty today?
I've never been photographed
like this in my life.
I feel amazing!
Please stop taking photos, please stop.
I don't care if I offend you.
What are you trying to do?
Yesterday you're a flight attendant...
Today you're Lady Gaga.
So what?
What am I supposed to do?
Be yourself.
Everyone should be themselves.
Can I?
These...
I wrote these novels.
I brought each one to the publisher,
but no one wants them.
You think I like dressing up as a flight attendant?
You think I enjoy being a ghost writer?
But no one wants me.
No one wants Mona!
No one wants me.
It's sunrise.
I can't do this, I need sleep.
Go take a nap, Master Sammy.
I'll finish it for you.
Okay, I'll sleep for a while.
Master Sammy.
I know your secret.
What secret?
You have a crush on me.
That's not true!
You pretend to be a sissy,
but you've a crush on me for a long time.
No, I don't.
Look me in the eye
and say you don't like me.
Look me in the eye and say you don't like me.
Say it!
I don't like you!
Look me in the eye and say you don't like me!
It won't stop?
Good morning.
Calm down!
Are you talking to me?
No, I'm just talking to myself.
In a situation like this,
I can only think of three solutions.
The first one...
Kowtow and beg her...
I beg you. I beg you.
The second one...
Beat her up.
But both are fairly difficult
in execution.
It seems that I must resort to the last solution.
Aside from money, the only thing
that can appease a women is...
a man's body.
I know we've broken up,
but I don't like the woman you've chosen.
I'm so jealous!
We've broken up.
Women can be jealous even when broken up.
I can't control myself.
I purposely lost control of myself.
You should find another man.
They are only interested in my money.
Then look for another rich guy.
I know you still have feelings for me.
If not...
why would you do that to me?
It's my fault.
I'm afraid I won't be able to control myself.
I need to propose to Miss Claire!
But for such a well-off guy like me,
who has have everything...
How should I know
how to propose?
Can you help?
It's all about one magic word.
Which word?
Dang it!
Rich people don't know it.
And neither do poor people.
The best dang thing anyone can hope for
is to marry me!
Even you'd want her to live a happy life.
Don't worry.
Prepare the three essentials for the proposal.
I'll arrange it for you.
Really?
Put this on.
Now?
Tonight is important for you.
Okay.
I don't know.
No one's ever given me so much attention.
Have you heard?
Confidence...
is the best makeup you could ever wear.
Let me apply confidence onto your face.
What are you doing?
Can you hold me like a man?
Hello?
Sammy, I've prepared the three essentials.
Where are you?
Hello? Hello.
Cinderella, the one up there is your prince.
I'm...
the mouse that drives your pumpkin carriage.
Up you go.
Your prince is waiting.
Hello?
I can't say it!
Hold on.
Hello?
Master Sammy, I don't know what to do.
Hold on, I'll be quick. Hello?
I told you I don't know how to ask for things!
I'm thinking, hold on.
Pick up the bouquet.
Wait.
I've got the bouquet.
Wave it around a couple of times.
All right!
-Master Sammy... -Hello?
He's waving the bouquet around.
Like he's welcoming me, not proposing.
Now what?
Act horny.
Acting horny's easier.
Pick up the ring,
kneel down and propose.
I need to propose?
No, it's all wrong.
What are you doing?
I don't know, how about you?
Here, I propose.
Have we completed the whole process?
I think so, I've never done it before.
Let's celebrate then.
All right!
Who are you?
Clerk Chan!
Dream!
Where did you go?
Hey, I'm talking to you.
Where were you all this time?
I went to a boot camp.
Nonsense!
Where's your tummy?
Why are you so skinny now?
Are you sick?
No, silly!
I'm healthy as ever! Look.
Who did this to you?
Master Sammy did.
I love him.
I love him too.
He gave me a lot of encouragement.
Nothing is too difficult if you put your heart into it.
I did this for myself too.
But mainly it was for you.
Will you marry me?
I love you.
Hello.
You look so normal today.
Don't you need to write?
I've thought it through.
You were right.
I should be myself...
and stop being everyone else's substitute.
I want to tell you that...
I'm getting married.
Married? You're kidding right?
I'm really getting married.
Why so sudden?
Congratulate me.
Come on!
Congratulations.
That's not from your heart.
You have to say it from your heart.
Smile and say, "congratulations."
Okay. Congratulations, okay?
I've chosen the little church
we used to go to all the time.
You still remember?
I'd like the wedding to be romantic and blissful.
And I want you to do my makeup.
You can't say no.
It'll be your wedding present
to me. Okay?
My fiancé and minister haven't arrived yet.
You're beautiful today.
Hurry, they're almost here.
I don't know how to do your makeup.
You don't know?
You're a professional makeup artist.
How could you not know?
Usually when I do makeup,
I'll picture the finished look in my head.
But...
I can't do it this time.
You've never imagined what I'd look like
when I got married?
I have.
A long time ago...
when we were still together.
So just think of that
when you're doing it.
When I thought of that look...
I was thinking you belonged to me.
I don't care. Today, you will do
the most beautiful bridal makeup for me.
So beautiful.
Come with me.
Stand here and don't move.
Turn around.
Why don't you come walk with me.
-No. -Of course you can.
You're here.
We're practicing.
Hello.
Do you love her?
Of course I do.
Very well, then promise me
that you'll only love her in your lifetime.
I can't do that.
She loves you, how could you do this to her?
It's nice that she loves me,
but I need to love other people too.
It's so selfish of her to think that way.
Then how many do you need to love?
Well, the more the better.
But sometimes we're short on people.
There's not much I can do.
That's ridiculous! Do you...
Do you like it when they all come at once?
Of course, it's sharing. I also welcome you to join our big family.
Are you crazy? Big family?
Bigamy is illegal, are you all right?
Are you all right? I'm just talking about sharing.
Mona! I forbid you to marry this man!
He's not my fiancé.
He's the minister.
You're hilarious!
Minister?
Just joking, Father.
I'm sorry, Father.
Father, excuse me.
I really am the minister.
-Sorry. -It's okay.
I've been waiting for you, excuse us.
How's it going, is everyone here?
Yes, everyone's here.
And the groom...
Three of us.
Are you kidding me again?
Yes.
I wanted to see
how you'd react to me getting married.
Mona, I don't have time to kid around with you.
I'm done playing, okay?
Arnold Cheng!
Eileen Zhang once said,
there's always someone
waiting for you,
regardless the time,
regardless the place.
You'll know
there's someone.
I've always thought you are the one.
I kid around
because I know whenever I come back
you'll always be waiting for me.
You're the only person on earth
who'll allow me to be so stubborn.
I guess you're not going to wait for me anymore.
Father, let's get married.
Wait!
You're right.
I'm not going to wait anymore.
You once asked
why I was your first boyfriend
and not your last.
I'm telling you
that I'll be your last boyfriend.
I'm going to marry you!
Father, I'm going to marry her!
That's good.
But I'm in a hurry. Did you prepare rings?
-Happy? -Yeah.
I haven't announce that you could exchange rings yet.
Take it off.
I'm going in.
Maybe not.
Congratulations.
Miss...
Miss hag, what are you doing here?
I didn't want to come,
but I couldn't control myself.
I've thought it through.
About what?
That it's all right to watch the person you like
marry someone else?
Quite the opposite.
I came today to get my man back.
I believe he'll only be happy with me.
You might think so!
If you really love someone,
you believe that you can give them the greatest happiness.
So what can you do
to give him the greatest happiness?
That's none of your business.
I have my ways.
I even brought a gun.
Don't stop me.
That's intense.
She's right.
If you love somebody,
you should believe that you can give them
the greatest happiness.
Mr. Bill Liu,
will you take Miss Claire,
the woman on your right,
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
To have and to hold, for better or worse...
I want a wedding like this.
Don't worry.
Our wedding will be two times as big as this.
I'm talking about how romantic it is, not the size.
Understood.
...in sickness or in health,
to love and to cherish,
and pledge your faithfulness,
till death do you part?
That's a huge responsibility.
So do you?
Could I speak first?
I'd always thought I was the best makeup artist,
but that's not true.
The best makeup
isn't about hiding one's weaknesses,
it's to highlight one's strengths.
Just like love,
you see their strengths.
When you're in love,
you can still spot their weaknesses,
but you don't mind them.
Makeup that's done well,
isn't a mask.
But I've always used a mask to protect myself.
You said you're insecure,
but actually I'm the most insecure.
I'm foolish enough to teach you how to date and propose.
I sent the love of my life to someone else.
So, what do you want?
I've known all along.
So while you were
teaching me all that
you were actually
hiding your love for me all along.
I can't be in a relationship with a man.
He's not talking to you.
He's made himself very clear that...
Is he talking to you?
I really wasn't talking to you.
Everybody, freeze!
I'm here to get my man back!
Don't force me. Don't move.
Smoothie, you are not allowed to marry other women!
Be quiet!
If you're so insecure, why aren't you leaving now?
I know you love me,
so I'm not afraid of anything.
Freeze, both of you!
No one in the world
is as crazy as you.
No one is as crazy about me as you.
Calm down, everyone!
Everything is under control!
I'm sorry, Mr. Smoothie,
I really can't marry you.
I can see that.
I'm sorry, I can't marry you either.
So, do you like men or women?
That's none of your business.
I only pretend to be gay for my job.
In those chaotic preceding minutes
everyone has found their true love,
just as I have.
Since there were some accidents during the ceremony,
I propose we choose another date...
to have our weddings together and double our happiness.
All's well that ends well!
What do you say, Dream?
I'm in your hands.
Good!
Happy Chinese New Year!
All the best in the Year of the Rabbit!
Congratulations!