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Zheng Xuxiang is stepping up to the plate.
His incredible performance these last few years
has attracted the attention of Nippon professional baseball…
These bangs are the perfect look for a slugger like me.
Don't exaggerate.
Um… Give me the kind of haircut
that will make me smash more home runs.
Hmm. Let me think.
Hey! Why are you still cutting?
I always take it one snip at a time.
So, then.
Is this all right?
Hmm. It's perfect.
There is, uh, one thing I wanted to tell you.
And just hear me out, okay?
I noticed that when someone's on the plate,
and it's two strikes, three balls,
your stance is always off by just a little bit.
I wonder if maybe you tucked your elbows in,
it could work a bit better?
He connects on the pitch!
It's a hit! The ball rolls to the home run wall.
The outfielder passes it back.
Zheng is heading for third base. Safe!
Bastard, where are you going?
Kill him!
Who are you?
Life and death
are determined by fate.
Fuck you.
Where's the other one?
What do you want?
It's not him!
One out! One ball, no strikes.
Rakuten leads by one point.
Here's the pitch!
It's a hit! Home run!
-Found him? -Don't see him.
I really…
love this drink.
Boss Hsing.
Boss Chuan.
Boss Chuan pays his respects amid his busy schedule.
May Hsing in heaven also bless Chuan's…
Construction company.
…bless Chuan's construction company
with prosperous business.
-Please. -Oh. Please.
Tai! Oh.
I heard you got knifed three times in the gut.
I wanna see.
-Can I see? Will you show me? -The fuck I will!
Three grand to look.
-All right. -That's three grand per stab.
What do you say to that?
Boss North!
This is not the time or the place.
Apologies. I'm sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Excuse me. Thank you.
Tai.
When they found your boss's body, his nose was missing.
But look at you.
Barely even a scratch.
It truly is a miracle.
Wouldn't you agree?
Here. Take my friend's card. He treats bad breath.
Hey!
Bad breath!
Very good.
Keep that.
Oh.
Oh!
Hey!
I know you.
You bought all that Viagra!
Fuck you! You want to see an erection?
I'll show you a huge erection!
Fucking piece of shit!
Cut it out! The police chief is here.
It's been three days.
So, why haven't we heard anything?
Whoever is behind this hired Thai mercenaries.
-You know what that means. -Thai mercenaries.
You'll never find them.
They'll have left the country by now.
We need more details.
Why can't you just be more direct?
More direct?
More direct would be guns blazing.
In our world, we must use tact.
Who benefits most from Hsing's assassination, huh?
Who would want him dead?
Who does it benefit?
Are you suggesting that I would kill my own boss?
Tai. No one's saying it was you.
Your boss had many business ventures,
and made a lot of enemies.
If you want to find the killer, you can't rule out your own people.
Yes, yes, yes.
Hsing may be gone,
but those urban renewals you're involved in,
are they still on track?
If any delays affect the election,
that's gonna be a big problem.
When your boss was killed,
did he say anything?
Fuck.
You motherfucker.
-Okay? He said, "Fuck you, motherfucker!" -Oh, oh. Okay. Okay.
Your boss used to take you everywhere, didn't he?
Well, now he's dead.
His obligations are your obligations.
Will that be a problem?
Your scalp looks a little red.
Are you stressed at all?
I've just been too busy at work.
I wonder if you'd like to try our new rose oil shampoo.
-It's great for renew-- -No, thank you.
Well, actually, we use 2,500 rose petals
to make one ml of oil.
No, thank you.
-Now, would you like anything else? -No, thank you.
-Are you in charge? -No.
Hey.
Wash and cut.
-Whoa! Hey! -Hey!
Hey!
Are you all gangsters?
We're brothers.
They call me a style assistant.
Because it sounds better.
But truthfully, I'm just a hair washer, so call me a hair washer.
And just admit you're gangsters.
Anything else?
Beat it! Unless you're here to get a haircut.
-Hey! -Hey!
-Yeah!
Here!
Go!
Is there anything else?
I said, is there anything else?
Hey.
You think boss is…
into her?
Whatever.
How would you like your hair cut today?
Just a trim?
Fen isn't a qualified hairdresser yet.
Today I'll be your…
stylist.
As long as you're sure.
Fen.
-Hmm? -Mm.
Hey! You don't even know how I'd like it styled!
I take it one snip at a time.
-Hey. Thanks for the other night. -Mm-hmm.
-I really just came to thank you. -Mm-hmm.
If you ever need anything, you can line me.
Mm.
I said you can line me, all right?
And why would I need you for anything?
If someone's hassling you for money,
or your neighbors have noisy sex,
or someone tries to pay you with hell money,
or your ex-boyfriend tries to use nude photos against you
so you'll do it with him one last time.
If that happens…
you can line me.
Jay Chou.
MEI-MAN'S SALON
Don't be mad!
It isn't my fault!
You distracted me!
I already told you! I take one snip at a time!
You remember? I said it three times!
And we don't take credit cards.
And we don't provide receipts or accept bad reviews.
-But he's got no hair. -How about this?
Get up! Now!
Copy his movements.
Get up.
-We've got something to ask. -Yeah!
Copy his movements.
Settle down!
You stop! And you stop!
And don't be a pussy!
Stop this shit right now!
You guys are always causing trouble.
Hi.
Maybe you can help us out. We're looking for him.
If you think of anything, let me know.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP
Compared to Chen Fu, Yang Liao-hsuan is an old timer.
I don't do refunds.
Look at this haircut.
There's no warranty?
What you got?
Orange spare ribs.
You like orange spare ribs?
No, that's all that they had left.
Why are you eating so late?
I'm sorry.
Don't apologize.
Sorry.
Fishy.
Long Legs.
Bryan.
-Huh? -Bryan.
Not Bu-lai-yan, though.
Long Legs.
Bu-lai-yan.
-Bryan. -Mmm.
Fishy.
Long Legs.
Bryan.
Fishy.
Long Legs.
Bu…
Bryan!
Long Legs.
Little Fishy.
Big Fishy!
Guan said you specifically asked for me.
Is that true?
I wanna know your name.
Hmm. And why is that?
Ah. So If you mess up my hair again, bang bang!
Okay, fine.
I will tell you what it is.
It's Fen.
So are you one of those righteous gangsters?
You know, like that Michael Corleone.
That's an awkward question.
You know, everybody's done something bad.
-Well, I haven't. -Hmm?
Never killed anyone?
Never hit your teacher?
You never shit in bed?
Sometimes, I stare at my phone when I cross the street.
All right, listen.
Being a brother isn't easy.
Things go wrong all the time.
And if you can't fix it,
your underlings have to draw straws.
-And the unluckiest has to go to jail. -Hey!
Bosses like you are terrible. What the hell?
A good boss takes responsibility for things.
That is someone worthy of being called boss.
If someone's never paid their dues, how can they expect to become boss?
Why would anyone want to go to jail for their boss?
That's just crazy.
I dream of being a stylist
who works in a big chain store.
You wanna talk about paying dues?
Try only washing hair for years
in a salon where business is bad.
Being the most junior one.
Washing, washing. Never getting anywhere.
Fishy. Long Legs. Bryan.
Long Legs. Bryan. Fishy.
Bryan. Long Legs.
Long Legs. Bryan.
Long Legs. Long Legs. Guan.
Hi, Guan.
Well, I love it.
You, there!
I want Fen!
-And how would you like-- -Just cut it!
Miss Fen!
Let's do this!
I want Fen!
Thank you, Miss Fen! I love it!
Miss Fen.
Thank you, Miss Fen. I love it!
-Look at that! -Boys!
Ah!
Your haircuts are lame. You should try a cool place.
MEI-MAN'S SALON - NO.3 - FEN
Uh…Miss Fen?
I want Fen!
Where's Fen?
-Uh…Where is Fen? -I'm here for Fen!
Where is Fen?
Miss Fen!
Fen!
-Thank you, Miss Fen! -Thank you, Miss Fen!
I love it!
-It's great. Thank you. -Thank you, Miss Fen.
I love it!
Ta-da!
Here, we have every kind of scissors you could possibly want.
And, most importantly, they're made locally, here in Taiwan.
Orange spare ribs.
As close as you can.
Buddy, I don't do just close.
TAI
Tai.
Bryan and I were thinking.
To grow our reputation,
how about
we each take a nickname?
Something people remember.
For instance,
The Four Pillars of Sanlu.
Leopard, Tiger, Lion, Dragon.
Four pillars, my ass.
But boss, you're Dragon!
Long Legs can be Lion.
I'll be Tiger.
Bryan is Leopard!
The four of us together are the Pillars of Sanlu.
Dragon, Lion, Tiger, Leopard.
Leopard pillar?
For the rest of the gang, there's the seven heroes
and the 18 bronze men.
We'll base it on fighting record.
When you win a fight,
you rise up the ranks! Yeah!
I want Dragon.
Nice try asshole.
The boss is the Dragon.
I want the Dragon.
It's mine.
-Let boss be Dragon. -The boss is Dragon.
I want Dragon.
That's enough! Or I'll make you a monkey!
Or a dog.
Dragon!
-Dragon my ass. -Excuse me.
Can I get two red bean and shaved milk ice?
-Miss Fen! -Come join us!
-Have a seat! -Sit with me, please.
I can't. I have to take these back to the salon.
-Come on, stay! -Sit down!
-Just five minutes. -Okay.
Go ahead!
It's good!
This is great. This is my favorite.
-Yeah, this is great food. Try that. -Pudding is good for you.
It's very sweet.
You always bring so many people with you just to eat?
No. But since Tai's attack, we're keeping lookout.
Yeah.
It's still the middle of the day, scaredy-cat.
Hey! Why won't you let me cut your hair?
What? Like these guys?
-Uh-huh. -It's perfect.
Miss Fen.
Later on, give our boss a badass haircut.
It could help out.
Miss Fen.
Do you know why brothers love tattoos?
Because we're always hacking at people.
Severed limbs everywhere.
When you're looking for your own hand,
it's easier to find with a tattoo.
Like solving a puzzle.
A puzzle!
-It's not that bad. -Take a look for yourself.
Oh!
Let's see it.
Look.
-First time. -Ooh.
Second time.
Third time!
Don't worry about those Thai assholes.
Today, we'll send them to their graves.
Let's go, let's do it!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
You know how bad Boss North is?
As if touching titties without paying isn't bad enough,
he brought in a bunch of underlings.
And so many of them have STDs.
Our girls don't have health insurance.
And now, they're riddled with diseases.
Tonight, I'm gonna chop someone's dick off.
I just don't know who--
Ow!
Oh, you're so fierce!
You can just go like that.
A girl with no customers isn't a lady, she's a granny.
If you touch titties, you better pay up, you son of a bitch.
You pay me. I'm that goddamn good.
You cheapskate bastard! You walk in here and--
-What you gonna do? I ain't paying shit. -Don't you dare try that again!
I'm seriously pissed. Asshole!
I'll scratch your eyes and I'll tear your face!
And then, I'll put them in a soup and I'll eat them. I swear to God…
-Stop smiling about it. -You know what I'm smiling about?
Hey. You're a boss.
Head of the gang!
You should take Fen to see your businesses.
The casino,
to show that you've got money.
The organic shrimp farm,
to show you care about health.
Yeah. Girls love to be healthy.
Lastly, the big move.
When you take Fen home,
we'll send a few men
with their faces hidden.
They'll jump out and attack.
Brilliant! I love it!
-Boss likes the plan! -Yeah!
But remember, don't fight too hard. You need to be hurt a little.
That way, Fen will take you home,
and ever so gently
rub you up and down until…
Then, sneak to the bathroom and drink this.
-What's wrong with the blue pill? -Drink works instantly.
Natural hornet formula.
No aspirin or steroids.
After you drink it, you'll have ten minutes to ejaculate.
Or you won't be able to sleep for a week.
And then you'll fall asleep for an entire week,
and when you sleepwalk, you'll have wet dreams.
Very scary.
What was that?
Wet dreams.
-Fuck! What the hell! -Fuck! What the hell!
Tai.
When it comes to casinos, blackmail,
kidnapping, finger chopping,
I listen to you.
But when it comes to the ladies,
you listen to me.
Ah…
Take Fen out for dinner.
Somewhere low-key.
But with a touch of class.
Xinyi Elite Grill.
That place is shit.
While you eat,
don't say a word.
Keep your eyes focused on hers,
nothing else.
"Can't take my eyes off of you."
Can't what, you?
Teenagers take their dates to movies,
McDonald's, the arcade.
But grown-ups,
they have sex.
-Sex! -Now, we're talking!
For your first time,
nothing too crazy, all right?
Tell Fen,
"As a boss,
no one can know where I live.
But if one day,
I'm sent to hospital,
I hope that someone…
can water my plants.
Fen.
Can you please
do me a favor?"
"Do me a favor."
Once you take her home, you know what to do.
Or do I need to explain?
Huh?
-Believe me, I've screwed-- -Stick this under your belly button.
German tech.
It absorbs into the skin,
keeps you going
the whole time it's on your body.
What if it comes off?
You go soft.
And if it stays on?
You go all night long!
Here.
Wow! You animal.
Are you thinking…
…what I'm thinking?
-I bet you are. -Of course I am.
I'm only human.
Hey!
Are you free tonight?
Do you want to go to a baseball game? And then we can water my plants.
How did you know that baseball is my favorite?
Look!
I've loved Zheng Xuxiang for years!
I love him so much!
I've been collecting his news clippings since his very first game.
Oh! There's nobody who loves him like I do!
That's said, I did notice he has one little weakness.
I'm just too afraid to write to him.
Uh? Oh, dammit!
I forgot about my boyfriend.
I'm working with him tonight.
So annoying! I haven't been to a game in ages!
Hey! You know what? I don't even eat popcorn unless I'm at the baseball.
My boyfriend. Boyfriend…
Boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriend.
They eat humans.
-They've got advanced tech and powers… -Fuck Lizard People.
-…used to satisfy wishes… -He's wrong.
It's all Anunnaki's fault.
It's always been Anunnaki. Open your eyes.
-Deep state controls us all. -It starts with textbooks.
So that's how they're doing it.
Textbooks.
-Brainwashing the population. -Won't they eat us?
I wouldn't worry.
The Lizard People aren't savages.
They're actually more advanced than we are.
My turn!
Everybody. Concealed hand, self draw three.
Four great happiness, mixed suit, all pongs.
Flower kong! Six in a row for the dealer.
100 points, too much.
Wow! 100 points--
This guy tried to pass five dots as four.
-Fuck, dude. -Damn, that's low.
And this guy tried to pass two as three.
-Huh? -How do you pass two as three?
-Fuck! -What? No!
What's up with Gramps?
He's jerking off.
Want me to cut it off?
Stop that.
-Someone take him home. -Yeah.
Watch it!
Hey, boss.
Boss.
What are you gonna do with them?
Huh?
You know, these guys.
Have you eaten?
-Uh… -No, not that!
-These two were cheating. -Mm-hmm.
He means, "Beat the shit out of them!"
Fuck you!
Fuck you, motherfucker!
We need better security.
Ah! Stop!
Fuck you! Take that!
How many? Tai!
I'm sorry!
-How many what? -Fingers to chop!
Triple six. Eighteen.
Divided by two.
-Eight? -I don't think that's right.
Of course it isn't. Eighteen should be ten and eight.
Eight for him. Ten for you.
Wait, wait, wait! Divided by two is eight each! Isn't it?
-Sorry. Sorry! No! No! -Why did you say that? Are you crazy?
-What the hell are you doing? -Okay. You heard the boss.
-Don't do this! -Now!
What a joke.
Careful. Give me your hand.
Hey, you wanna come out with us later?
No, you guys go.
Take it easy riding with a girl on the back.
Bye.
What's wrong?
What? You mad?
You're so late, you know.
They wanted to go to karaoke.
You know what they're like.
Well, you could have taken me with you.
No. You've got nothing in common with them.
And the girl you were with?
Uh, well, she's under me.
Under you?
What does that mean? Are you her supervisor?
Uh, she's the new junior.
I'm responsible for her.
Baby, come on.
I'm directly responsible for taking care of her.
Directly responsible.
Come here.
You're the most important.
Mmm?
Okay.
-It's your turn to work. -Okay, okay.
Oh!
A customer.
Unleaded. Fill her up.
-Hey! Miss Fen! -Hey!
-It's you guys!
-Miss Fen! -I supervise them.
-Miss Fen? -Yeah.
Who's he?
My boyfriend. Yeah.
-What's his deal? -He's a college student.
College boy. Big deal!
College student!
Take my number.
Let me know if you need anything.
I'm Bryan.
Not Bu-lai-yan
-Come on. Let's go. -See you, Miss Fen!
-Bye! -Bye!
Bye, Miss Fen!
Hey!
Long Legs.
So, do you wanna know where the Thai who killed your boss is?
Get ready.
Bring five guys.
Fuck! Fuck! Look at me when I'm talking to you!
-Don't let them escape. -Boss!
Boss. This way.
Hey, mind your own business.
I gave it up.
Did you hire someone to kill me?
Listen.
I run a hotel here.
How am I supposed to know
what my guests do with their time?
They spent months here.
Since when do you do business with the Thais?
Why wouldn't I?
I'm a businessman.
Well, who else are they doing business with?
You know who comes in and out of here?
They pay their bills.
I send them girls.
Nothing wrong with that.
Boss!
This is a waste of time!
Uh…Boss?
I turn 18 next month.
Please give me a chance to prove myself.
Boss. It's my birthday next month.
Give me a chance.
Household trash?
You can't dispose of that here!
That's recycling!
Pick it up!
Pick up your trash!
Pick it up now!
Pick it up!
That's littering.
That's enough.
Long Legs, don't be angry.
I told you, Boss Tung was a friend of mine from way back.
He was there
when a Big Circle gang member pinned me to the ground.
And he took a knife in the face for me.
-I'd be dead if not for him. -What's wrong with you, huh?
If he did it, he should be dead! What's going on with you, man?
What are you afraid of?
Listen to yourself.
Why did you replace Boss Hsing? Why?
You won't even avenge him!
I didn't say I wasn't gonna avenge him.
And Tung doesn't control the Thais who stayed there.
And hey, yesterday, I prayed at the temple.
Do you want revenge? Or do you want to screw Fen?
Keep praying!
SANLONG GAS STATION
We've been managing the urban renewals around the night market for some time.
The conditions across each of our projects
should be brought into alignment.
We've been placating those residents for over a decade.
And Hsing already sorted the reallocations.
You guys need to sort out your own stuff.
Oh, Tai.
Those conditions that were set by your old boss
all had to be renegotiated on our projects.
-It put a lot of pressure on all of us. -Yeah, Tai.
Sometimes it's not just about you.
Hey.
You ever think they're kind of hopeless?
Meddling in urban renewal projects.
It's so old-fashioned.
But my boss is still better.
At least my boss lets me handle the accounts.
We made a substantial investment in crypto,
and when the time came…
Tons of money.
Lately, I've been looking into NFTs.
Why don't you grab my number?
Hmm?
Your shitty conditions won't placate the owners.
I think being too greedy just makes us look bad.
Ah… If your old boss Hsing were here now.
-I believe you wouldn't even-- -You talk a big game.
But have you found Hsing's killer yet?
Listen.
Hsing was killed
because he wanted different conditions to ours
on the urban renewals.
What is it you're trying to say?
Mmm… That you did it.
Or maybe you did it.
It's obviously not me.
If this were a movie,
-you'd be the one who did it. -Hmm?
Tai.
Sell me your project at 40% discount.
The owners and I can renegotiate.
Yeah.
Why didn't I think of that?
You sell me yours at half price.
50% off! Hey!
Why don't you count me in on that too?
-Yeah? -Hey.
-We got a problem. -Tai's guy is here.
-Fen's boyfriend. -At my place?
-Yeah. What should we do? -Who is this guy?
-One of Tai's guys! -Huh?
One of Tai's guys!
-Say again? Whose guy is it? -It's a…It's a long story.
He says he knows Tai's man, Bryan!
-Uh… -I owe you one.
-Let's go! -What do you mean, "owe me one"?
Don't fall on your way out!
Go handle it.
Remember, you owe me! Tai!
Dammit.
Whole night is wasted!
So, we're just supposed to hand him over to you?
-This is ridiculous! -Sir! I'm inside!
-I'm here! Sir! Inside here! -He's inside.
Oh, sir!
I was tricked. It was just a mistake!
My boss, Tai.
Mr. Tai.
Bryan.
Tai.
Um, I'm Kuo.
Tai, sir.
I really didn't know this girl would be trouble.
I found her on Tinder.
And given her profile,
it looked like it would be okay.
Who would expect a bunch of gangsters to barge in while you're doing it,
and say she was underage.
I mean, golly!
She's not underage at all. She's 21!
She's not underage, sir!
But they said it was, um…
uh… that they were training her for their business.
And since we did it, now I was in trouble because she had been a virgin.
You see, it's a…
a mistake.
-I promise you she wasn't a virgin. -So, you never heard of…
something called a badger game.
Right.
Well, I suspected it was something like that.
But I was afraid they'd beat me more if I said so.
Do you know I often get Fen
to cut my hair.
Tai, sir, I apologize.
I always tell her she has no talent as a hairdresser.
But she just doesn't listen. You know? And I think she's colorblind.
-I mean, look what she did to your hair! -She did precisely what I asked.
Well, I think it looks great.
Hmm.
Actually,
I was just like you when I was young.
The playboy lifestyle.
It was exciting.
I was great.
The thing is, when you're a brother,
the guys make fun of you
if you wanna be with just one girl.
But I noticed
that we missed out on a lot, too.
Never really thought too hard about it.
But now,
the most important thing to me is…
Why am I telling you this stuff?
No.
I think it's beautiful.
Truly.
Even though I know I might get beaten to death tonight,
I…
Before I die,
I wish I could tell Fen…
I wish I could apologize.
And if possible,
go back to the day we met,
and stop time the moment it rained.
Boss.
Will you, A,
tell him that he's not allowed to see Fen?
Or, B,
tell him that he must protect her,
and not cheat again?
B.
Boss!
Why are we even gangsters?
That's a stupid thing to ask!
We're bad because we were sick of being good guys!
Fine.
You're my boss.
You wanna play the good guy,
then choose B.
But she's not only your Miss Fen.
She's my hairstylist too!
I choose C!
Option C it is!
-Nobody said anything about an option C! -Fishy!
That guy's hair
wasn't cut by Fen.
His haircut.
Someone like you is just gonna hold me back.
I'm sorry.
Motherfucker! C it is!
Sorry about that.
Let's hope we can--
Fuck you for disrespecting my hairstylist!
-Keep him down. Hold him still! -I'll call the police!
-What's going on? -Just exercising.
Hmm.
I hope this teaches you a fucking lesson!
Kuo's just suddenly…
not thinking straight.
Invite him here.
I'll cook a nice dinner and you'll be back together in no time.
-That's very unlikely. -Oh, don't be so defeatist!
How will you know if you don't even try?
Because I just know!
I will say this because you're my daughter.
Kuo is very highly educated.
Professors, graduates, well, they're different people to us.
So, we can be more considerate about his time constraints,
and you can stop whining about how it affects you.
Kuo told me that,
as he's a college student,
the fact that I'm just a hairstylist in a salon
means I'll hold him back in life.
-He said what? -He won't grow in life!
-Piss off! -Hey, you stop eavesdropping!
Why didn't you make me study harder when I was young!
Children need to grow up happily.
Does it look like I'm happy?
-You were happy enough before today. -You got dumped!
-Get out! -Chao Chi-Hao!
Chao Chi-Hao, get the door!
I'm opening the door, now!
It's not the end of the world! You're being a bit dramatic.
Who are you looking for?
Hello! Is Fen here?
What are you doing here?
The ladies at the salon told me that you got dumped.
I'm here to sign up.
Pardon me.
But, may I ask, uh…
It's Tai, isn't it?
What is it that you do for work?
A little bit of this and that.
It's complicated.
-I'm a brother. -So, you're triad?
Well, I'm sure you have
very good reasons for that, right?
Mmm.
There are no good reasons for criminal behavior.
Every line of work has a dark side.
We just do the best we can.
It's the movies that make us look bad,
depicting us as killers and crooks,
when really, we work hard to make money.
And tell us, what is it you actually do to make money?
-A lot of us read. -Sure.
We study law and business.
-Good. -You mean crime, don't you?
I'm just kidding.
Then may I ask, if you don't mind, of course?
Have you killed anyone?
Not this week!
Ah.
My personal motto.
First…
I don't rape.
Second,
I don't sell fake watches.
Third,
no human trafficking to Cambodia.
Four, I don't screw wives.
Number five,
I always pay for my prostitutes.
And six…
I can't take my eyes off of you.
If Fen sticks with me,
I'll never allow you to lose face.
I swear on my dick.
The fact that Tai became a boss at such a young age
tells me he must be a hard-working gangster.
Oh, well, his boss was suddenly killed.
By Tai?
No!
That day he was nearly killed as well!
But of course, he survived, and now, he's the boss.
What if he suddenly dies?
He won't. He prays at temples.
He is a gangster, sweetie. Aren't you worried?
No, because I pray as well.
What if…
What if you break up?
He might become dangerous.
A gangster who becomes a scary ex lover
is worse than a normal one.
You bear that in mind.
And don't get your whole family killed.
MURDERER
Grandpa!
Gramps!
Stop jerking off!
All the time!
My God!
When I'm the boss,
first thing I'll do is replace this car.
This car
should never be replaced.
I joined the Sanlu Society as a teenager.
We've had eight bosses since.
All eight of them died in different ways.
One by random gunfire.
One was chopped to pieces.
Another one
was killed by being thrown from a tall building
But…
not one of them died in this car.
This car…
is said to be the Sanlu Society's
greatest achievement.
Hey, did you graduate?
Gangsters don't have to graduate.
I always just picked C.
Hey, that's what I always did!
But not for every single question.
Only the ones that were too hard.
When did you start liking me?
I don't know. I just do.
Well, I'm not sure if I like you yet.
Oh, I bet you're lying.
I'm a really popular guy.
Do you know how many girls love me?
Nice!
They line up outside my house every day.
They say I'm like Andy Lau.
Oh? Why is that?
-Cause I'm a great singer. -Really?
Yes, really!
How about you and I have sex?
Then I'll know either that you like me,
or that you just wanted to have sex.
Have sex. Have sex. Have sex.
And also, I'll know if I like you and I just didn't realize.
Have sex. Have sex. Have sex.
Just like K drama, yeah?
Have sex. Have sex. Have sex. Have sex.
Got any thoughts?
Regarding your question.
As a healthy, able-bodied man…
…of course I'd like that, yeah.
But I'd rather wait.
Because it's you.
You're special.
So I want to observe tradition.
I'd like our first time to be…
comfortable.
So…
it feels, you know…
it feels natural.
Do you think you might…
maybe give me a few more days
so that I can make it special?
Oh, you coward!
Go to hell!
Uh, boss?
This is what I think.
I think you need
to right now…
Uh…
To go fuck Fen!
Yeah, fuck it! I choose C!
Yes!
I'm not scared of gangsters! I've got one life. And I'll use it today.
-It's not that. I mean-- -What is it?
Fen said she wanted to have sex.
But I…
I wanted to wait, but she got angry and ran off.
-Please, help me. Will you let me in? -What do you want?
-To fuck. -What do you want?
-Uh… -What do you want?
You had your chance and you chickened out!
Thank you, sir.
Wait.
Is it a good dick?
Depends on your definition.
It used to be a naughty dick, but…
Will it give my daughter STDs?
No…
When you go upstairs later,
be gentle.
Don't hurt my daughter.
My motto happens to be
"Firm but gentle."
Be hard yet soft.
Thank you, Auntie.
It's true.
German technology.
Brand new.
I'M SO LUCKY TO FIND MY MR. PERFECT
What kind of person barges into a house
demanding sex.
We could go somewhere else.
I know a lot of motels
with really good sex toys.
Hey! You want us to go?
My dad's already turned up the TV!
Coward.
Ooh, you have such a good papa.
Ah, ah, ah! Wait!
Wait!
Do you see this magic line?
Nope.
Wait! Wait! Get off!
-Huh? -Go on!
Keep going.
Go on.
Back up more.
Squat down.
I said wait!
Hey! My mom wanted me to ask.
If we were to break up,
would you become scary?
-Oh, I'm scary now! -Be serious!
If I break up with you,
you can't kill my family, all right?
Got it?
Regardless of my past,
blowjobs,
hand jobs,
tongue jobs,
tit jobs,
ice jobs,
rim jobs,
pop rocks jobs,
fan Thanksgiving,
gang bangs…
Those were some wild days.
…backdoor straw,
full body lick,
cowgirl style.
It's all in the past.
Beginning today…
my dick…
belongs to you.
For the rest of my life,
I'll only do you, Fen.
Mm-hmm.
He comes to the pitch!
He connects!
What an explosion!
It's gone to the heavens!
No, no, no, sir. It's good stuff.
It has everything.
Okay. Cheers.
No!
If I'm bullied at school, can I say that I know the dragon pillar?
Real men
handle their own problems.
What if there's 100 of them?
In that case, you probably did something to deserve it.
Well, what if they were, like, 100,
all trying to kick my ass at once?
Okay. Show me how you'd handle it.
You wanna fucking fight?
I'm not scared!
I know the Dragon Pillar, Tai!
Hey, Fen!
Do you need help with those?
Did you mean it?
When you told me that I'm
the only one.
Of course I meant it.
Unless someone had a gun to my head,
and forced me to fuck someone else,
it'll only ever be you.
So, just because someone puts a gun to your head,
you'll have sex with another woman?
No way.
Even if it was a bazooka aimed at my head.
I'd never make love to anyone else.
I'd rather die.
But that's just dumb!
My God! You don't choose to die, idiot! Of course you do it!
Just think of me when you're doing it.
You have to,
or how else will you get back to me alive?
Okay, but…
at the time,
I would do it with an unwilling heart.
And when I came,
it wouldn't be from the heart.
And not genuine.
I promise it'll be really fake.
Sorry, but…
I have a question.
How can a man…
…fake an orgasm?
I feel really blessed to have the opportunity to go to Japan…
-If Xuxiang goes to Japan now… -He won't last long.
They'll figure him out! He'll be done by the World Baseball Classic next year.
Exactly! A dragon in Taiwan, a worm in Japan.
That's ignorant rubbish!
He's just that good!
-Did you hear that? -Keep telling yourself that.
I'm looking forward to it. And, yeah, I won't waste my hard work.
Hey, Fen.
I thought this was a date.
Oh. Well, they wanted to come and watch the game.
Hi, Miss Fen!
I never saw any of you watch baseball.
Hey, boss.
Check this NFT price. You know how much I've made?
Stop playing with that.
Look, when you're the boss, you can do whatever you like.
Yeah, but you need to die, first.
-Hey! What the hell? -What the hell?
I'm telling you.
I'm too hard to kill.
I'll probably live to 100.
Huh?
What?
What if you weren't the boss?
Oh, come on.
You're not starting to doubt me?
Nah. I'm just saying that even if you weren't boss,
you could still hang with your friends.
Miss Fen. Don't worry about that.
What happened today,
our shop was trashed by crazy people.
It was a huge mess.
Many of our girls were hurt.
That doesn't make it better, you know?
-Whoa! -Hey!
Watch where you're going!
You're all gangsters, aren't you?
-Yeah. So what if we are? -Get out of here!
-You make pro baseball look bad. -Take your gambling and get out.
You get out!
You're just a bunch of punks!
We don't want your violence here!
What did you say?
You're not welcome here!
Hey, you! I'll kick your ass!
You do that again, I'll cut your fucking hands off!
Tai!
Tai, relax, please!
Miss Fen. Tell you what.
You'll be so surprised
your bra will fly up.
Is it a marriage proposal?
-You know I won't say yes. -Miss Fen. Your phone.
Here.
I'm going home.
Don't be like that! Hey, Miss Fen! Come on.
It'll be fun!
Let's go in. Come on!
Through here.
Hey!
Look who's here!
ZHENG XUXIANG
Whoa!
Hey!
What are you doing?
-That's my woman! -Oh, your woman!
-You can't touch her! -Oh! Zheng Xuxiang! Wassup?
-Hey, Tai. -Yeah?
Listen.
When I get back from Japan and have nothing to do,
how about you let me be your underling.
No problem.
Xuxiang and I were childhood friends.
Xuxiang!
Whoa! Oh!
This is brand new!
-Just signed by Xuxiang! -Yeah.
All you people,
you don't even watch baseball.
Huh?
You don't watch baseball. You're all big fakes.
-What did you say? -Huh?
Hey, shut up, everyone! My woman's speaking.
None of you even like to watch baseball!
God, I forgot how much I hate pathetic posers!
Gamble yourselves to death,
but stop insulting baseball!
Oh, no. Ma'am, um…
Tai and I have known each other…
-…for a long-- -And Xuxiang!
You're my idol!
So, I wish I hadn't seen you like this.
Miss Fen.
Xuxiang came from his team's celebration
to keep partying.
-Yeah. -It's a special occasion.
Yeah, come on.
It's pathetic.
Hey!
Where are you going?
-Wait! Wait! -I'm upset I fell for the wrong guy!
Hey! Come back inside!
I thought you'd like that.
No. You like that everyone's scared of you.
Well, so am I!
I'll say it one last time, Xuxiang is my friend.
And we've been friends for years.
He's leaving for Japan.
So, I'm having a drink with my friend.
Yeah?
So then, you do that.
Go on!
What do you want?
-Come inside! -What are you gonna do if I won't?
Well, go on!
Hit me!
Hey! There's a gangster here!
Damaging property! Call the cops!
It was all for you! Even wearing this ugly haircut!
And I hate it!
Well, then.
-Anything else you'd like to say? -You were a mistake!
I apologize.
Forget the club.
We'll leave together.
Mister.
I will call the cops.
Fuck!
Thank you!
I have loved working here.
Look after yourselves.
What are you crying about?
DRAGON PILLAR - TAI
Hey. Is there something wrong?
My dick…
isn't mine any longer.
Let's just ignore him.
Fuck boy.
My name's Fannie.
-Ask for me next time you're here. -Thank you.
Miss Fen?
Oh! Hey!
Hey!
Hey, hey!
Can you be a bit more gentle?
I've never thrown a game.
Oh, you're so amazing.
How proud we all are.
Let's give him a round of applause!
Hey.
Has Bored Ape been crashing?
Relax.
Check out my Bitcoin.
TAI: 10:30PM AT GOLDPOOL. YOU AND ME
Damn! That's an awesome trade.
We could branch out on our own, you and me.
Tai was…
a senior on my baseball team.
He played like shit.
But insisted on being the capt-- Hey.
Hey!
He really was shit, but insisted on being the captain.
And the captain is the cleanup hitter.
Did you know he postponed graduation to be the cleanup hitter?
Embarrassing.
He killed our game momentum every time.
And he couldn't even string hits together.
Actually, he knew we thought he was terrible.
-But he refused to change. -One, two, three!
He'd make up excuses, make us run laps butt naked.
-He made us run all night long, too. -One, two, three!
One, two, three!
-From now on… -One, two, three!
…leading us to the national championship… One, two, three!
…will be my only goal! Have you got that? One, two…
Yes, Captain! Three!
And I promise you this,
until that day, I will not die!
-Again! -What is he on about?
-We're only 16. -One, two, three!
-It's pretty hard for us to die. -One, two, three!
Once, a second baseman on our team
did something stupid
and a whole bunch of gangsters
charged in and attacked the guy.
We couldn't believe our coach didn't know what to do.
He just ran away and hid himself.
The ball. The ball. The ball!
The ball! The ball!
Tai was ferocious.
He took a bat himself,
and charged in.
Took out a bunch of them straight away.
That's when we realized that Tai
was a cleanup hitter of people.
He inspired all of us.
After all,
we were a team.
We were training every day.
We were doing weights.
So, we were super fit.
We each grabbed a bat, just like Tai.
And started swinging.
Charge! Charge!
-Get them! -Get them!
Charge!
Afterwards, when everyone found out about the fight,
it was a major deal.
And Tai said
he was the captain.
So, it was…
his responsibility.
It was just me.
The whole thing was me alone.
Your coach said it was the whole team involved.
No, it was just me.
Watch!
Bam!
Ah…
Bing!
Boom!
Ah!
This is the replay!
Ah!
-Ya! -He got expelled.
From now on,
no more excuses!
I wanna see this team
in the championship!
It's not so bad.
Give me a smile.
Come on, you guys.
It's up to you, now.
You're champions.
The next time I heard anything about him,
he was already a gangster.
I've been pro for 13 years.
And during all that time,
Tai kept putting the word out.
Any person who dared to give me even a drop of alcohol,
no matter how powerful
the gang he belongs to is,
Tai said he'll destroy him.
Tai escaped to Shenzhen for two years.
I don't think you heard me clearly.
So, I brought a hearing aid.
And he put a gang leader from the coast in hospital.
Back then,
the second baseman
who did something stupid…
was me.
I am able to go and play in Japan, now,
without any criminal record,
all thanks to Tai.
I'd like to repay him,
by finding him…
…a good wife.
Hmm?
Uh. Oh!
Hey!
Huh?
Every time someone's on base
and it's two strikes, three balls,
your posture's off.
You gotta tuck your elbow in a little. All right?
-Really? -Yeah!
Okay.
Why did you want to see me?
Are you peeing?
What the hell, boss? No!
Look at yourself.
You're ignoring the business.
You don't care who killed Hsing.
And now, you're pissing everywhere.
Ever since Fen dumped you, you've been totally useless.
It was mutual.
There are girls like Fen in every shop.
Two hundred a night.
Three hundred.
Four hundred, then.
When she means it,
at least five grand.
So you met a decent girl and she broke your heart.
Act like a boss, yeah?
What's so great about being boss?
If you want it,
it's yours.
Huh?
Okay. If you want control,
you can have it.
And from now on,
you can handle the money however you want.
It's up to you.
And if you lose it,
you kneel before the brothers.
What are you saying?
I never wanted that.
Long Legs.
There's something…
I wanna tell you.
-For your ears only. -Hmm.
That night,
seeing those Thais,
a dozen killers,
each knife massive,
makes your legs weak.
Hsing was…
That's right. I'm the boss.
I fuck dragon pussy.
Oh! I wanna fuck dragon pussy, too!
Get in line!
These friends of yours, boss?
-Oh, fuck! -Motherfuckers!
-Let's go! -Keep them off me!
He just…
shoved me at them,
and took off running.
Dying for your boss is
part of the deal.
But,
being pushed by the boss.
I don't know.
Maybe it's just me.
Hmm…
I think it was cowardly.
You think you're the boss?
Hmm.
I thought you invited me here…
…to tell me that you killed Hsing.
Fuck! I almost died that day!
You were stabbed three times
and you still survived!
What was I supposed to think?
How?
How are you not dead?
You know I've been stabbed before, one time here, one time here.
Who knows? Maybe my stomach's this big.
-There's no way! -Like you'd know.
If you're not the boss,
what'll you do?
Go back to Fen.
If I get cut standing in line at Costco,
you'll have to come and save me.
No way! Bosses always die. That's your problem.
I thought you wanted to be the boss.
The dragon.
-I'm not ready to die. You do it! -I already bought you a coffin!
-Mr. Dragon! -You die first!
What's that?
Sorry, it's not personal.
Motherfucker!
Long Legs. Are you scared to die?
Don't worry. I won't push you.
WE HAVEN'T REALLY BROKEN UP
WHY AREN'T YOU RESPONDING?
Who sent these guys?
How should I know?
Go! Go!
Long Legs.
I promise,
I'll get you out of here.
You know what?
I really do love you, Tai.
Wow! Tai, Tai, Tai!
They said you were hard to kill,
but I never thought it'd be this hard.
Wow!
Long Legs.
I'm sorry.
But my boss really wants that urban renewal.
You understand. It's just business.
Whoa, whoa!
Oh! Fuck me!
We get along so well.
Are you sure you don't wanna team up?
Uh?
I wasn't serious.
Boss Chuan.
We're just about done.
Survive this.
Oh, let me make an NFT.
Do you see the Goddess of Mercy?
Fen is my Goddess of Mercy.
Didn't you say you'd get me out of here?
You're the Dragon Pillar.
I've been stabbed multiple times.
How many is multiple?
I'm fed up with your poor math.
…
Forget it. I better get you out of here instead.
What? What are you on about?
It's very easy to call for help these days.
Boss!
When did you start liking me?
I just do.
Is it because I'm pretty? Or because I can sing?
Ah! Because I saved you?
Sure. I'm returning the favor.
Oh, come on! Just answer!
I am!
I just like you. You tick all the boxes. Huh?
Oh, you're so fierce!
You can just go like that.
Forget the hospital.
-Take me to Fen. -Don't worry!
-No one ever dies in this car! -That's true! No need for a doctor.
We'll take you to Miss Fen.
She'll take care of your needs
and, uh, rub you down.
All right? Don't worry, boss.
This is no ordinary car.
No boss has ever died in this car.
-Don't fall asleep. -Right!
-Faster! Hurry! -All right! Take it easy!
Boss, don't fall asleep!
-We're nearly there. -Faster!
Boss Chuan. Boss Chuan.
It's all done.
I was going to get some--
Sure thing.
I'll take care of it.
My friend wants to ask.
Where will you sleep?
In the mountains?
In the ocean?
Or perhaps in a puddle?
Thank you, Boss Tung.
Fishy.
Please tell Fen…
I remember when…
…she shaved off my eyebrow.
You tell her.
Tell her!
She's right there!
Get out! Go and tell her yourself!
Get out!
Aren't you gonna fuck Fen?
Go tell her yourself!
I'm the boss now!
I'm ordering you! Get out now!
Get out!
Tai, come on!
Tai!
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP
Hey.
Mm-hmm?
I'm not the boss anymore.
Okay.
Well done.
-Oh, yeah? -Mmm.
You gonna support me?
I have a lot of customers.
And they're all regulars, so…
it'll be fine.
All finished.
And do you want anything else, sir?
I remember it was also raining
the night I met you.
But tonight
was when my luck
ran out.
So someone actually put a gun to your head?
Didn't we already agree?
And so, you did it?
Of course I did it.
And I faked it.
Tai's stomach must be tiny.
Or full of shit.
Take me to the hospital.
I'm actually dying.
Yes, Dragon!
How can you still be alive?
Are you really okay?
Don't worry. It's a Chinese New Year film.
I don't think that's our release date.
Doesn't matter.
Every day is a celebration.
And love never dies.
What do you want?
XUXIANG'S DESIGNATED HAIRDRESSER
Orange spare ribs.
Every time, orange spare ribs!
Well…
what do you want?
You have to guess.
Leave me alone. I am reading.
Don't look at me!
Why are you still looking?
Oh! I'm calling the cops!
Don't laugh!
Please, go away!
Oh. So, what business is he doing now?
Who would know? But he's obsessed with location.
It's crazy!
All day looking at shopfronts, but with zero ideas!
If I didn't have his child in here,
I'd kick him to the curb!
Gramps! Cut it out!
When you win a fight,
you rise up the ranks! Yeah!
Excuse me sir.
My girlfriend's grandmother…
uh… just passed away.
Uh…
Can I please request that, uh…
that, uh, if you must curse,
then, please, not that word.
I mean, others are fine.
Just not that one.
Sorry for interrupting your meal.
Good job. Well done.
WE'VE GOT MORE, STAY… OR NOT
Oh, okay. Are we ready?
Okay.
Uh, hi. Well, uh…
Hi, everyone. I'm Giddens Ko. Director.
Why introduce yourself?
An introduction is still needed. There's only sound without visuals.
I see.
Hello, everyone! I'm Daniel Hong.
Hello, everyone. I'm Fen.
What do we do now?
-This is awkward, right? -Yes.
Wait, we still have three minutes of credit roll.
It's already-- The song should be over, now. Right?
Vivian, what about my directing, this time?
Is there anything I can improve on?
-Quite a lot. -Shit! For example?
For example, you didn't help me realize my dream.
I told you from the first day of shooting
that I wanna sing the theme song.
-But you never let me sing! -Oh, that is right. That's true.
I did ask Daniel to reach out to you to sing the theme song.
-I also asked him. I even-- -Yes.
Because I've already… Our leading man is already a singer.
-Right? I thought he'd ask you to sing. -We tried it, but the key…
If you sing in that key, we can't sing along.
My vocal range is wide, okay?
Yeah. Wait, so… Then, I thought,
"Fuck! How about having Vivian come harmonize?"
But then, we discussed how it felt.
I even asked the director if it would be embarrassing to let her harmonize.
-Like, tell her to come and hum. -I can go, "Doo-doo-doo".
Yeah! We were embarrassed to ask you to do that.
Yes. Hey! Once she-- Once she comes in,
you can't reach the pitch? You're professionals. She's an actress.
It's because of the key. It won't go smoothly. It won't match.
Oh, I see. Well, that's an excuse, yes.
So, what do we do?
Vivian's lifelong dream is to sing and release an EP.
She's the female lead, yet she still can't sing the theme song.
Why don't you help me write a song for Fen?
Okay, fine. In the next one, then.
-Okay, sure. -There's a sequel?
Are you filming a sequel, Mr. Ko?
We will see. Or would you rather sing now?
If you sing now, Daniel and I will harmonize for you.
No! The credit roll is almost finished!
I'm not lying. I'm the director. I can make the credit finish later.
If you really wanted me to sing,
you could've let me sing in these three minutes
instead of all the blabbering!
This is okay. Let's rearrange the music.
-Daniel, you okay with that? -I'm okay.
-No! You're all lying to me! -We're not lying!
Look at me! Look at my face.
Your eyes are too small. I can't see them.
Fuck, I'm usually most annoyed with procrastinating,
cheating, and cutting off songs.
-No! You're all lying! -Fuck, should I just sing?
Right. Daniel should sing. He’s a professional.
Sure. Do you want to sing with me?
-Sure, I'll do it. -Here we go.
-Ready? One-- -I'll go first.
-Okay, you go first. -Your key is different from mine!
-Okay, we'll help you harmonize. -Okay, let's go!
Okay, ready. I'm ready!
All right, the intro.
Like this…