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Hi, my name is Ali Tavel,
and I'm the one who's gonna record this.
- Well, hi, Ali. - Hi.
How are you doing?
Dear Don, this is me.
- Hi. - Hi.
You've missed a lot over the years.
There she is.
She's a-dancing on that table.
I was always such a curious kid.
I'm Ali Tavel, reporting.
Mom built this magical world for Lexi and I
to be loud and weird and messy and creative.
Ah! There they are.
She encouraged me to be me.
- Know what that is? - Oh, my God!
Your own recording studio.
- Oh, my God. - Ali, you can sing along
and record your songs.
- You can play back your voice. - Oh, my God.
I've always loved music.
Everything about it.
And everyone told me I got that from you.
When I was in the fourth grade,
I decided to do a report about the synthesizer,
because our family told me you were this genius musician
who played with Stevie Wonder and B. B. King
and was friends with Steve Wozniak
and invented the synthesizer.
So I went to the library at my school
and checked out the "S" encyclopedia,
expecting to see, "Synthesizer: invented by Don Tavel."
But your name wasn't in it.
It made me question
if any of the stories about you were true.
And these stories were all I had to connect to you,
because you died in a car crash when I was ten weeks old.
So I never knew you.
I didn't end up doing my report on the synthesizer,
and it would be years before I ever thought about you again.
Okay, real fast, I'm gonna take your tambourine
- and your drink to stage... - Okay.
And-and your, and your cape.
All right, let's go to stage.
I'm 25 now and I tour for a living.
I work for Grace Potter.
She's my boss, but she's also my best friend.
I got to grab her.
- We got, we got minutes. - Okay, I got to go get ready.
- All right, okay, here we go. - Let's go this way.
I'm gonna put my fringe vest on.
I'm not a musician,
but I'm surrounded by them because of this job.
Hey, Jackson, you've got five minutes to stage.
Jackson, thank you so much.
Have a great set, Jackson.
Everybody's got ears and packs, right?
- Yes. - Okay.
All right, guys.
One, two, three!
And being on the road,
around all of these creative people,
with their gear and instruments,
it made me curious again,
after all these years
about the synthesizer you invented.
I'd known my whole life that it was stashed away
in a box somewhere in the attic.
An abandoned mystery for 25 years.
But maybe it was finally time for me to go find it.
Hmm.
Oh, no way.
B. B. King guitar pick.
My family always said that my dad had,
uh, played with him before, so...
Let's see what we got here.
That's cool.
Okay.
So this is...
No.
I bet this is it.
This is it.
The Resynator.
The synthesizer takes advantage
of computer technology.
Simply by playing a note on my musical instrument
in this case, the guitar... and the computer will then
set the FX oscillator up to that interval.
The oscillators will be responding
to my guitar input
via a Digital Frequency Analyzer.
The final computer aspect is the Timbral Image Modulator,
and I'll be using a variety of shapes.
Knock, knock.
- Hey. How are you? - Hi.
- Alison. - Good to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
So, everyone says you're the person to talk to
about synths, so, I, uh,
I have a rare one, and when I got it
out of my grandma's attic, I was looking for a keyboard.
Mm.
'Cause I thought that that's what a synthesizer was.
And then I pulled out this, like, black rectangular box
with a bunch of knobs on it.
From what I can remember, it's a "rack-mount",
"monophonic, instrument-controlled,
s... p-pitch-tracking synthesizer."
But I don't know what any of that stuff means.
Basically,
a pure synthesizer, in theory, can do any sound,
any direction of sound, any kind of combinations.
But that's a pure theoretical concept.
When synthesizers came out,
this was a whole vista of new sounds
that we haven't heard before.
The most commercial and usable system
was Bob Moog's system.
This became a cliché that people consider a synthesizer
as something with a keyboard attached.
The Resynator is a mystery because it's a black box
which is full of potential.
Your synthesizer is in there ready to make notes and sounds,
but is controlled by an instrument or a voice.
Don was in the first wave of people
using computers to try to track pitch.
But the heart of it is an analog synthesizer,
and that's the key part of it because a lot of instruments
are one or the other... but not both.
No one ever made a successful instrument
that was controlled by outside sounds,
but it seems your dad had figured out a way
to make it work.
If you really had invented something
so revolutionary, then why did I have the only one?
Not knowing anything about the synth,
or your plans for it,
made me realize that I also didn't know anything about you.
On "Indy Alive,"
we promise you all types of things.
Now, you may be thinking that's an organ,
but that's really a guitar,
and you're listening to the music of Don Tavel.
How'd you get interested in this kind of music?
Well, I got into electronic music when it started, uh,
pretty much in the '60s, and, um,
I followed that involvement through into the '70s,
and we got into using computers, uh, early on in,
uh, in the early '70s, through the mid-'70s,
and then I ended up inventing and, uh, holding seven patents
on the precursor to MIDI.
You have seven patents?
- Yes. - That you've created yourself?
Yes, on a Musical Instrument Digital Interface
similar to MIDI, and I was a member
of the first conference on MIDI, uh,
to try and develop a standard.
The reason why I wanted to come here
is because the Resynator project
has led me to being open to finally,
finally wanting to know who Don was as a human.
When Don was graduating from the School of Music,
he had to give a performance.
Maestro.
He had taken guitar pickups,
- and he put them on a strap to his head... - Uh-huh.
And with his thoughts,
he controlled the music and the lights.
The Resynator, though, right? It was that?
It was an early version of the Resynator.
I couldn't believe
what we were watching.
I mean, it was just wild.
The dean and the faculty members
all crowded around us, remember?
And they said,
"Congratulations.
You have a genius for a son."
Remember?
And I looked at his father, I said,
"Who wants a genius for a son?"
Did he ever voice a goal for you guys?
Like, did... I mean, the Resynator,
he had plans to produce it...
- Oh, absolutely. - But then he didn't.
So, I just wonder what, um,
his reasoning for not moving forward
with the-the production anymore.
Um, I can't really address it...
- Yeah. - Other than to say that I think that,
uh, it was just an economic decision
to move on to the, to the next thing.
But absolutely, his plan was to be
in the music industry, in the electronics industry,
and pushing the envelope.
I once again found myself
hearing stories about you,
but not being able to relate to any of them.
You have to know... I know why they love music and art:
because I did it to them.
I made it a rule.
One year of piano was a must.
You had to have an introduction to music,
and you couldn't escape it.
The Beatles were coming up,
and he picked up a guitar, and the guitar became,
like, his third arm.
Donnie played as many as 17 instruments.
He worked with Stevie Wonder.
He had the opportunity to play with B. B. King.
One of the members of the Average White Band
flew out to Indiana to spend some time with him.
His vision was
putting the music and the technology together
way before anyone else even thought of it.
He founded the Department of Computer and Electronic Music,
and donated all kinds of computer equipment
to get the thing started.
I met Don, I think, in 1971.
And I remember him coming up with the idea
of doing silk screens of waveforms.
That's my memory of how he connected the music department
to the art department.
Don being here was the seminal moment
for the implementation
and beginning of music technology here.
He lived up to, what I think, genius.
I want to hear the normal
even if they're not interesting to you,
they're interesting to me
the-the normal stories, the-the everyday stories.
To-to try to get a better idea of who Don was as a
as a person, not as a genius.
There's a lot of stories, many that
probably can't be told here.
See, that's what I'm looking for.
I'm looking for those stories.
He could do just about anything.
He could carve wood.
He used his VCR as his hard drive.
He was a phenomenal athlete.
He was kaleidoscopic.
Everybody knew-knew Donnie,
and everybody in the country knew about what he was doing.
Did he ever do anything crazy in high school that...
- Did he ever do anything wrong? - And I won't tell you.
- You should tell us, though. - Another time.
I can't handle a lot of this.
Aw.
- Hi. - Baby!
- Hi, mama. - Mwah!
Oh, my gosh, it's so good to see you.
- Hi, sweetie. Hi. - Hi.
Hold on, let me get out of the car.
Mmm. Mm-mm!
- Hi. - Hi, babe. Mm.
So where have you been?
I can hardly keep track.
Someplace new every night.
We were in New York yesterday at that ESPN event.
Yeah.
And, um, we-we were in Houston,
'cause we went to the NASA Johnson Space Center.
Oh, right, right, right.
So Alan prints this out.
- Yeah, this is where... - And we know exactly
where you are every day. Almost.
We have to call you and tell you what city you're in.
What website is this, ConcertBoom?
Oh, I don't know. It's... it was a Grace Potter...
Well, also our first show was in, um, Chattanooga.
Well, that's probably on the other sheets
- I have over there. - Oh.
Hey, look.
How should we know where you are
when you don't even know where you are?
Mom met Alan in 1997.
Before that, it was just me, Mom and Lexi.
Here's the garden.
Such a nice and beautiful thing.
And I couldn't have imagined it
any other way.
But eventually, Alan became part of our family,
and he was the one who drove me to school,
put up with my tantrums and answered my questions.
He was my dad, and he loved my mom.
In all the years we've lived together,
I've never seen one day that she hasn't come down the steps
without a smile on her face.
Oh, and you, too, baby.
There's something wrong.
- We come down and we smile at each other. - It's like, "Oh..."
Hey, what the hell's going on?
Okay, Mom, let's watch this wedding video.
- Oh, my goodness. - Oh, there's me.
I have... I love this, like, three-foot
- tulle ribbon in my hair. - Yeah.
Bow.
What'd you do with the ring?
It's right over there.
- You still have it? - I...
I still wear it sometimes on my little finger.
Oh, is it the one...?
It's got rows of little teensy diamonds
- and... - Oh.
- God, I was so skinny. - I know.
I told him it was the best day of my life,
except for having Alexi.
It was the happiest day of my life.
I'd already divorced my first husband
and had Alexi when I met Don.
It was a blind date.
And we went out.
He drove to my art gallery
on a Friday night from Indianapolis.
Had a really nice evening.
And I thought, "Wow, this is... he's really cool."
And he's a musician.
I go, "Ooh, that's really interesting
because I love music."
Started dating after that.
I would watch him in concert.
He'd, you know, be doing his shows and just...
I was, like, in awe of him.
Just incredible.
He was very
charming.
Very charming.
Um, very caring.
It was about a year later, we got married.
You know, we had the reception,
and we went on our honeymoon.
And then everything started to change.
1970s.
Hey, have you guys heard of Mu... Mu-Tron?
I'm going to meet the founder tomorrow.
He-he engineered the Resynator for my dad.
- No way. - Yeah, Mike Beigel.
Yeah, that's... I see that here.
S-Stevie Wonder?
Yeah, he's gonna help me
resurrect it, hopefully.
So cool.
- Hi. Are you Mike Beigel? - Hello. Hello.
Oh.
Okay, great. Thank...
Hi. Hey, buddy.
- Hi, I'm Mike. - Hey.
Good to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Come on in.
I am.
Well, just have a seat.
Thank you.
So I was going through
the NAMM show, which is a very big show
of musical products and giving out
my new little business cards to
anyone I saw, and on, I think,
on the last day,
uh, this guy making the music synthesizer
is coming after me and wants to talk to me.
He says, um, he's Don Tavel.
And his product is the Resynator.
And he decided that, uh, I looked like the guy
he needed to help him finish off a couple of details.
I have, I think, what would be called,
like, the-the software inside of it.
You have...? Good.
Um, it's wrapped in bubble wrap in the back seat of the car.
The software is wrapped in bubble wrap?
Well, the-the hardware that goes inside.
Um...
The software
- is... - Like, the disc things.
- Ah. - You know what I mean?
Okay, good. It might be a little hard to figure out.
It's quite possible that the little computers might've
lost their memory by this time.
- Right. - Was there a manual?
Was there ever a manual?
I don't remember if there was ever a manual.
Nothing that I came across.
There was only one person who could really play it right.
Don?
Yeah.
This... this looks like a labyrinth to me.
- Yeah, well. - Like a foreign language.
So, take a look at that,
inside of the one known, possibly working Resynator.
So, I'm gonna put the oscilloscope on,
then I'm going to push on, on.
And we have...
Is that what we want?
That's what we want.
Well, that's a good sign.
Now let's find out
what the controls on this thing are.
I forget.
"FXO..."
So this switch is working.
Now that's working.
I would say 60%, yes, works.
I mean, honestly, this is
more than I could have hoped for at this point today.
- More than nothing, hey? - So I'm excited about it.
Okay, but now we can see
if I can remember a few things...
Standing next to Mike Beigel,
I'm looking at the schematics.
And he's asking me to read off some numbers from it,
like "R54" and "22K."
And I just imagined that this was
the same situation that you were in
when you were creating this with Mike.
Up until this point,
you were just a collection of stories.
This was the first time I felt like you were a person
instead of an idea.
Hi, Mike. It's Ali.
Um, it was so nice to meet you yesterday.
Thank you again for helping me with this project.
I was thinking if we could
get it working in time to bring it to the NAMM show,
like, 35 years or whatever,
after you and Don did it to reintroduce it,
it would be so cool.
Um, I know I'm probably getting ahead of myself.
I'm just kind of excited, so...
We'll talk more soon. I'll be home from tour soon,
and we can figure out a time
for me to come back down and see you.
I hope you're doing well. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
Look at all your "Musician" magazines.
Oh, yeah, it is the, uh, Hall of Fame here.
Yes, exactly.
And I remember that one because there's a Resynator ad in that.
Oh, in that issue, right.
Yeah, Don Tavel and I were very simpatico.
We both were, uh, little guys
fighting in a big, uh, big guy world.
We both believe we could, uh,
be the Man of La Mancha and the impossible dream.
He was trying to invent a product
that you could use on every song.
And it would change. It would be like a violin.
It would be like an oboe.
It would be like, you know, crashing or cacophonic.
I think that he was looking for
big names to do it, obviously, for marketing purposes.
In a way, people all say,
"Oh, boy, Paul McCartney's using it. I use it."
That's where you, if you got those superstars going at it,
then you'd have a sound that was even sweeter.
This was where he, uh, spent his last night,
- period. - Yeah.
And... 'cause the next day,
I remember him leaving. Let's see.
Your dad died, I thought,
on November 28th, 1989.
- 1988. The year I was born. - '88, okay.
The year you were born.
And in '88, they had just acquired this, um...
You were born in '88. Okay.
I was born September 14th.
This coming Sunday is my birthday.
- Wow. - So he died ten weeks later.
Wow.
And do you know much of the history behind that?
- Behind my dad? Or... - Yeah.
Well, I grew up telling everybody
he invented the synthesizer.
Have you spoken to Emmett Chapman?
Um, I was supposed to meet with him.
- I haven't met with him yet. - Okay.
- I will this fall. - He's a brilliant guy.
- He is like a Svengali. - I can't wait.
He is like, absolutely, uh,
Gandalf in... from "The Lord of the Rings."
He is incredible.
The reason I asked if you'd talked to Emmett is,
he seems to have similar memories as I do,
where I wondered if you would start out
making this movie about Don inventing the Resynator
and, like, some, uh, action thriller
or "Adaptation." You know that movie?
Where you'd end up... the movie would really be about
what happened to your dad.
Because, uh, and I don't mean to be negative,
but, uh, it was, uh,
my impression that, uh,
not to be too cold and cruel about it,
but when he came, his final week here,
which was a week after you were born,
it was a tough week because he basically said
the day you arrived, and they were getting along fine,
you were delivered, put in your mother's arms.
He came in and went, "Ah, goo-goo,"
and she turned to him, said, "And now I want a divorce.
I don't want to be married anymore."
And that was it.
And then Don absolutely freaked out
and was so crazy about you and was so depressed
and, uh, was thinking bad things about himself
and his continuation,
and came here, and we spent the whole week
- just talking him down. - Yeah.
And just, you know, it seemed like,
um, those that knew him, uh, have said, you know,
"Oh, I don't think he ever would hurt himself."
And I wasn't so sure, because he was so depressed.
All he kept saying is,
"I just don't know how I'm going to go on."
So, I don't know.
You know, I-I had my doubts.
I think Emmett has his doubts.
- Mm-hmm. - You know?
- I mean, if it was an accident? - That sucks.
Maybe that's a better thing, you know.
- And if it's not, that sucks. - Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah. - Anyway, but, uh...
Hi, Mama.
Hi, honey. How are you?
So, I just met with Gordon Baird.
He actually said something kind of off-putting.
He, uh
he said he thought Don killed himself.
I mean, do you think Don killed himself?
Well, you know, Ali,
I always had my suspicions.
Um, he wrote a letter that I have.
Is it a suicide note?
No. No, I wouldn't say that.
Um.
You know, it was more a note,
I think, just to get these thoughts out of his mind.
I have it saved for you,
and whenever you want, whenever you come home,
I have it for you, okay?
Okay.
It was really sad,
I mean, how I found out,
really, after I got married, of who he was.
He would leave nasty little notes around.
I was, like, a... maybe a month away from having Ali.
I mean, I was very pregnant, and he got angry at something
and pushed me clear across the kitchen,
and I ran right into the stove.
Um, another time, where he got so angry at me
as I was walking down to the lower level,
and he grabbed me, like, around the neck.
It-it-it frightened me, literally frightened me.
After Alison was born, um,
I mean, he's so incredibly wonderful in the hospital,
and we bring her home,
and I thought, "Oh, this is great.
Everything's gonna be wonderful."
And then, all of a sudden,
he started just being
so upset with everything.
He just did not seem happy.
And you would think that this was going to be
the happiest time of his life.
He threatened to throw me out.
I went to my sister's house. I contacted attorneys.
I said, "Something's got to happen
"because I'm not getting thrown out of here.
I just had a-a baby."
So they got a restraining order,
and I'm sure that he was, like, in shock,
but you don't threaten someone and not expect some reaction.
I never, ever wanted her to think badly of him.
So, even growing... even when she was little,
"Okay, these are your dad's guitars.
"He was amazing," this and that.
There's no reason...
I had no idea what his problem was,
what was in his head.
I just knew he was generous,
he was loving, he was
this amazing genius,
and that's all she needed.
She didn't need to know...
She wasn't
part of that, really, you know?
She was three months old when he had this accident,
so why think badly of him?
Huh.
- Hey. - Oh, hello.
- Alison. - It's so nice to finally meet you, Emmett.
Oh, thank you. Same to you.
I've been wanting to do this for a long time.
Me, too.
Yeah, that's good.
Here's a photo, the only photo I could find,
- and I did search. - Oh, my gosh, I haven't seen...
I searched till 3:00 in the morning last night.
I wanted to give it to you.
Oh, thank you.
When I met with Gordon, he was very
um, he just had some very shocking ideas of
the last couple of days of Don's life,
because he tells me that he thinks that.
- Don killed himself... - Mm-hmm.
Because he was really dark and depressed.
And then he mentioned you and said that...
He said he had his doubts,
and he thought you had your doubts,
and that kind of opened up my whole
um, that changed my perspective of Don.
That was really the first thing I'd heard
that was not this bright, beautiful, positive thing,
and it made me ask a bunch of questions.
What he said was right to the point.
I had to agree, but I can't know for sure.
- Yeah. - And if-if Don had
this dark side,
it might have been caused by their relationship.
I think he repressed his emotions when he was a kid,
and he had this intellect to be able to do that.
You know, sometime I think
maybe he paid the penalty for emotional repression.
Would be like stopping his emotions from growing
during a teenage period,
where he accentuates his intellect instead.
And then you pay the price.
And it could have been paid with his marriage.
I had never heard of any of that before.
Like, nobody has ever told me those
that side of Don before.
When I started breaking him down
and learning about, like,
through Mike Beigel and Gordon Baird,
and why I've been so excited to meet you,
is just 'cause you guys knew him
away from all of that.
His brother, whose name rhymed with his...
- RJ, his twin. - Was it Ron?
- Ron. - Ron and Don.
Was amazing to see two guys that look alike
and were totally different.
Don told me, in a moment of confession,
that he kind of felt humiliated about it,
but when he was in high school, they called him "Robot."
- They called Don "Robot"? - Yeah.
He hated that name.
- Really? - Yeah.
But then, in... uh, later on, he was totally different.
He was like his brother.
He-he was dapper and, uh, and witty
and, uh, very sociable.
He changed from, like,
from one year to the next.
I could never be myself
around Grandma Kitty.
And there were so many things
I was never allowed to talk about with her.
Like the fact that you had an identical twin brother: RJ.
I technically met him once when I was a baby,
but I've had no idea where he's been since
because he and the family
haven't really spoken since you died.
Our parents were,
they were the country club kind of people.
They painted pictures of what they wanted
their children to be, and, you know,
they had very high expectations.
It was a very domineering, uh, world
that we were living in,
and he was part of that.
Don told me that he had an ulcer at the age of nine.
I could not believe it.
I didn't know that children got ulcers.
But I think he was just such a
a nervous wreck at that age,
trying to please his parents.
Don, in a way, was shy.
Having conversations with people
that he didn't know
was not easy for him,
so he hid behind his guitar.
This fellow's name is Don Tavel.
He's president of Musico,
which is a company which makes Resynators.
We're not gonna talk about that tonight,
but we should tell you that a Resynator,
simply stated, is a device
that synthesizes the sound of musical instruments
and does it far cheaper
than other equipment produced in recent years.
This is a graphics board,
not something really new,
but it can now be applied to home computers.
You can do commercial work,
doing people's logos,
uh, with computer graphics.
You can do cartooning as well,
such as Superman flying.
You can do, uh, fine art, uh, portrait work.
Albert Einstein.
Have to have some skill though, I mean,
to be able to do that at home.
Yeah, computers won't replace talent.
Hey, this is Grace. Leave a message.
Hey, Grace.
Um, I just texted you a photo
of this letter that I found.
It's a company called Syco Systems.
That I guess it was a company
Peter Gabriel owned in the '80s.
And it looks like they bought three Resynators.
And Peter had personally requested one.
Uh, so that's amazing.
And I found all kinds of cool things.
So, it's all good stuff,
but there's some other not-so-fun things
that I found out,
um, that I need to tell you about, too.
So, just call me when you can.
There's this whole different side of you
that I'm learning about.
I always felt like there was more to the story with you.
But I never would've imagined this.
And I don't know how I feel about any of it.
I can't understand what you might've been struggling with.
Because you just seemed to have everything going for you.
Don Tavel is going to demonstrate a device.
This is actually an instrument- controlled synthesizer.
Go ahead, Don.
Okay. So, what I'm gonna do
is go through several acoustical instrument sounds.
Well, if I drop the sound an octave,
and increase the breathiness a little,
we come up with a tuba.
And change the Timbral Image Modulator wave shape
to a fluttering pattern...
The Resynator.
Got that in.
Thank you, Don.
I remember one thing that Don used to tell people
when he was demonstrating,
if you got it rigged up to sound like a trumpet,
you have to think you're playing a trumpet.
When a person absorbs that idea,
uh, it completely transforms the way,
uh, a person plays into it.
There was one time we brought this thing
- over to Stevie Wonder's place. - Ah.
Don wanted to sell this.
Well, Stevie Wonder wasn't buying anything.
- Mm. - It was so stupid.
We should give it to him.
We never actually, um, tried out that many things.
Yeah.
Wh-When we finally got these things together,
um, we didn't do much after that.
Well, that's what I'm still trying to figure out
is what happened after the
after the marketing in "Musician" magazine
and "Sound Design" magazine
and the speaking, um, conference at MAC '81, like...
Yeah, there was a lot of advance publicity on the thing.
Mm.
From what I'm told, I think six prototypes were made.
200 units were ordered and not produced.
But never produced. Okay.
It's a lot of family dynamics that went into
a lot of parts of Don's life.
People like the sound
of analog synthesizers.
They've gone back to them.
The same way guitar players use old guitar amps,
the same way singers like old microphones.
The Resynator is kind of a lost Indiana Jones item.
This is a photo of the rack-mount Resynator
that I have.
And there's a knob on the left-hand side
that I-I can't read what it says,
but that knob isn't on the unit that I have.
So that means that there's a Resynator out there
that hasn't been found yet.
Don invented his own terms.
He's not just copying what other synths were doing.
He's trying to create a kind of new playing field.
I feel like he wanted you to use it in a different way.
Or to think of it differently.
I get a sense that he was full of promise for it,
and I don't know if it was crushing
that it didn't go forward.
Honestly, it's been a while since I've even looked at this.
This is, this is it. This is the only piece of writing
- that I have of Don's, so... - Right, right, exactly.
Um...
The letter he wrote
and handed to me,
because we were going to a marriage counselor,
and she said, "You need to write your feelings down
and get them down on paper."
When I filed for divorce,
they automatically said you need a restraining order.
Why?
Because of the abuse
and the little messages that he'd left for me.
- Mm-hmm. - And...
They thought that there was some problems there.
- You ready? - I'm... Yeah.
Okay.
This was the original.
And his father goes, "Oh, this... this is not right."
- Oh, my God. - And he ripped it up,
and I glued it all back together.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah.
- Can I read it out loud? - Sure.
"Dear Mom and Dad,
"I'm writing this letter at age 35
"to tell you how unloved I felt for my entire life.
"Mom, you had no idea until they opened you up
that there were two babies in you."
Is that true?
I cannot imagine.
I mean, is this in his mind?
I don't know.
"I was the unexpected baby.
"I grew up wanting the love of both my parents,
"but I had to compete with my three other brothers
"for any love at all.
"Without that love, I sought recognition
"as my means for attaining a measure of satisfaction.
"But the victories were hollow.
Instead of love, I got awards."
"I didn't want awards. I wanted your love.
"You were proud of me, but you couldn't love me.
"If you were just like everyone else,
"I could develop appropriate dialogues and responses
"that would allow us to function without mishap
"when we were together.
"I've done many things to make you proud of me,
"and I know you're proud of me, but I have never been able
"to find the way to make you love me,
"and I hurt so deeply because of this.
"Your life is ending, but mine is still young.
"Now I'm married, and I want to be loved.
"My wife is the only person I'm allowing into my inner circle.
"But I am hounded by my anger for a lifetime without love.
"I have nowhere to turn.
"I can't escape to calm down.
"So whenever I feel I'm being unloved,
"I lash out in my desperation.
"I'm backed into a corner emotionally,
"and I feel I must strike out.
"I can't do anything now about the first half of my life,
"but I must not allow myself to ruin the second half of my life
"misdirecting my anger for you at my wife.
"She doesn't deserve that.
"She is powerless to understand it.
"But the thought of being married and unloved
"for the rest of my life is so horrifying to me
"that I can go crazy if I don't do something.
"I wouldn't be writing this letter
if I wasn't absolutely desperate."
And then he says,
"Tammy, if after reading this,
"you want to talk to me, I'd love to hear from you.
"If not, I'll understand.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you.
I love you. Don."
Oh, my God, Mom.
Jesus Christ.
The person who wrote that letter,
that's who I want to know.
It was hard to hear, but you were honest,
you were raw, you were real.
I somehow had never even considered
trying to find your twin until now.
But I'm ready to meet him.
And when I finally got in touch with him,
he said he'd like to meet me, too.
You're looking at your dad at 64 years of age.
Because when
you say identical twins,
twins are identical down to their cuticle.
So these are your dad's hands, basically.
This is identical.
- The voice is close. - Yeah.
Uh...
I would have to say, uh
it probably was also close
because we both smoked cigarettes for far too long.
- Yeah. - So, the raspiness.
I didn't know he smoked.
- Oh, really? - Mm-mm.
Yeah, well.
I knew Don smoked pot,
but I didn't know he smoked cigarettes.
He did it all.
I was just interested to think how-how you think
you and Don were similar growing up
and how you thought you were different.
How close were you guys growing up? That kind of stuff.
I think, I think all
children growing up chafe at close quarters.
And we were always shoved together.
Uh, my favorite picture, which it's a, uh
a little Kodak Instamatic, and it's
me with my arm thrown around your dad.
And I just got this big smile on my face
because I couldn't think of a better place to be
than next to my twin brother.
I want to show you this box...
- Yeah. - Of heirloom pictures.
Tour T-shirts.
Oh, my gosh, old-school Grateful Dead.
Oh, yeah.
This one.
I want you to have this.
I really don't know what to say.
When Don died, my mom wrote me out of her life.
It was as if I died in the car accident with him.
So, we haven't spoken.
And, uh, it was not a good time.
It was basically how the ball started rolling
so that I ended up here in... Dillinger Country.
I don't think anyone wants my theories
on why that collision happened.
I... almost was generous enough to suggest
that it was an accident.
I don't believe it was.
He was my brother.
He just was.
And then he wasn't.
It was November the 28th, 1988,
and I got call
that he had been in a horrible accident.
And that
possibly he was not gonna come out of this.
I think I was packing to go to Florida.
And, uh, I received a phone call.
I had to go to the hospital.
And so, I started calling around
to friends and asking, "What do you know?"
He had been drinking.
I think the autopsy showed that he had Valium
or something in his, in his blood as well.
And he was driving too fast around the curve
and lost control and-and went off the,
uh, went off the road.
And so, in the hospital,
they did a CAT scan,
and there was no brain activity.
So then they wanted me to say,
"Okay, pull the plugs,"
but I said no. I...
That was up to his parents. It was not up to me.
I don't want to relive all this stuff, do I?
We're getting... going to the grave,
which I think is over here. Do you know?
- I-I don't actually. - I... Should we pop out?
I've never been back.
- Since...? - Since his funeral.
So, he technically died on the 3rd.
The crash was on the 28th.
It's two days before my sister's fifth birthday.
Is that right? Mm.
Almost 28 years ago. Wow.
We always talked about all the things we were gonna do
when we got older and retired
and all the fun we were gonna have,
and that all got stolen away.
And 36 is so young.
You have your dad's smile and his eyes.
Your resemblance is so strong.
It's, uh, it's nice,
but it's-it's-it's tough, too, you know?
I think I could fool people if I
put a mustache on my face.
- Not a good mustache either. - No?
It was never a good mustache.
Yeah, your dad should not have had facial hair, but...
I don't think this is where your dad is.
This isn't... to me, that's... this is a
this is a marker, that's all,
and just something for other people to be able to...
- Pay their respects? - To visit him in a way,
but that's not, you know.
You okay?
Yeah.
I drive around this turn,
I think about your dad.
Not a single
27 years' time, I've never, never been able to, uh,
drive around it and not think about it.
And I don't know exactly,
but we're
we're there.
It was a horrible week. I mean...
Because it... it never got any better,
and there was never a moment of hope,
you know, from the very start until the very end.
It never... He never had a moment of, you know,
anything like he was gonna...
They were gonna be able to do anything, and...
I think, sometimes, my mom is
too nice to say anything bad about anyone,
but at the funeral,
like, nobody would talk to her except for you.
I wouldn't say nobody,
but the...
I-I think that your mom was blamed
for his state of mind.
Uh, if he hadn't been in that state of mind,
he wouldn't have been driving too fast,
wouldn't have, you know, been drinking
and-and doing Valium.
Um, I think your mom was blamed,
and therefore, she was, you know...
It-it w... it was their son that was being buried.
It wasn't Tammy's husband.
- Yeah. - So...
Yeah, I think your mom was-was shunned.
It still doesn't seem real... to me.
I mean, I'm sure it's real to you guys
because you lived through it, but
it's weird being...
This is where he essentially died,
and that's where he's essentially buried, and...
Sometimes he feels like my dad, and sometimes it-it doesn't.
Like, right now, it doesn't feel like my dad did this.
- Mm-hmm. - And I don't know
- what that means. - Mm-hmm.
I mean, now that I've been here and done this
and did the, did the trek,
I'm glad that I did it because I've always...
I haven't always wanted to, but since I started this, and
that this has been on my list of things to do, you know,
because I should do these things.
And they-they are helpful in some way, but
the...
I don't know. I feel like
talking with you and with Mike Beigel
and working on the Resynator and stuff
is the closest I've ever gotten to feeling like he was around.
But I'm glad that I did it.
I'm happy to, happy to have been here with you.
- Thank you. - Sure.
Any way of reconnecting with him's good.
So, I am on my way
to Grace and Eric's house.
I just picked up the Resynator from Mike Beigel.
He said it's calibrated, and it's-it's ready to go.
He... he did everything that he could,
but in order to really tell if it's working properly,
you-you have to play it.
You made it.
- Hey. - Mm.
Oh, my God, okay, so here it is.
- Is Eric in the studio already? - Yeah, he's here.
Is he all ready for this?
I... He better be.
Okay.
Ooh.
- It's a big black box. - Come on.
And this one, that one's...
- Whoa! - That one's tuned.
Okay. Now we got the tuning.
There we go.
Yeah. It's a cool sounding synth, you know?
Yeah. I love this.
It tracks really well.
So, I don't really understand what this
what-what, like, where's the...
- Like, what do you... - What is this thing?
Where's the synthesizer part?
- What is this device? - Yeah.
Well, that's the question, isn't it?
What-what is this thing?
Yeah, it-it's like a cool blend between a synth,
which is, you know, by definition,
a-a synthetically derived sound,
but it's being triggered by an organic instrument.
And so, it's like this really interesting combination.
I think you should get as many people to play with this thing
as possible and just see, uh, what comes of it.
Take it elsewhere,
show people, see what it sparks.
It's so not okay to travel like this.
My friend told me
about this synth guru living in the mountains
of Colombia.
His name is Christian Castagno,
and he's a Grammy-winning producer.
I reached out to him and told him
about your Resynator, and he said he had to see it.
So I'm headed to Minca
to meet him and see what we can do with it.
Is...
¿Dónde estás Christian? Sí?
¿Dónde está? Dónde estás? ¿Dónde está?
- Donde Christian. - D-Donde Christian. Ah.
- Hi, Christian. - Hey, dude.
- Whoa. - How's it going?
Much better. Thank you.
- Look at that. - Uh, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, my goodness. Um, this is, this is it.
That's it. Oh.
Let's just get right into it.
What a journey.
Yeah. It's been on,
it's been on a little trek.
Look at this cool thing.
So, hopefully, it's
everything's still intact inside, but, um...
Well, I mean, the good news is,
Colombia, you can get anything fixed.
So...
Step one: Power.
Okay, let's see.
Ooh, I love it already.
It already sounds better than when...
Already it's cool.
Does a great bass.
Okay, now-now we're getting somewhere. Okay.
Starting to make friends with the old Resynator.
Hey, buddy.
One of the very, very first impressions that-that
comes out is that
it clearly has that old-school, beefy,
like, textured trip,
that "mmm" and "mmm" in the sound.
It definitely does sound good, for sure.
How he and Mike did the output
in the oscillators and the filters
and stuff, that's 99.9% of it,
and apparently your dad was down with stuff like that.
Because you could tell right away.
Yeah.
- That's super awesome. - Yeah.
This beefy little ditty.
Being here with Christian
and his family is magical.
I wish you two could've known each other.
It's funny how you can meet someone
and almost instantly they feel like family.
But then someone who is family
can feel so distant.
Hola.
- Hey, what's up? - Hola.
- Hi. Alison. - Juan Carlos.
Nice to meet you.
So, you guys are Systema Solar?
- Dos. - ¿Dos?
- De siete. - Siete.
- Dos de siete. - Dos de siete de Systema Solar.
There's more planets in the solar system
than these two.
Thank you for bringing the thing.
- Resynator. - I brought the thing.
- You brought the thing. - I brought the thing.
- Did she ever bring the thing. - Yeah.
This
- is the Resynator. - This is the guy.
See what you think.
It's-it's, it's trippy.
It's a super trippy machine, but...
So... are we gonna do a track?
So, yeah.
- Hello? - Okay.
- Sold! - Okay.
This is a-a Systema Solar track
that we were experimenting last night with.
The bass line of that track, I did it with my voice.
- Uh-huh. - Like I had, I had this loop going.
I had the bass idea was...
♪ ¿Qué pasa, hermano? ♪
♪ No reaccionamos, yo no sé por qué ♪
Oh, my God.
- ♪ ¿Qué es lo que es? ♪ - ♪ ! Uh! ♪
♪ Vamos pa' delante ♪
♪ Que no hay achante que nos frene ♪
- ♪ ! Uh! ♪ - ♪ ! Oh! ♪
♪ ! Oh! ♪
♪ Dicen que nada pasa ♪
♪ Y resultó que pasó de todo... ♪
Here in la Sierra Nevada,
you feel the resonance of that mountain.
It feels, like, really compatible to have
that instrument coming alive in here.
♪ ¿Y qué pasó? ♪
♪ ¿Qué pasa, hermano? ♪
♪ No reaccionamos, yo no sé por qué ♪
♪ ! Uh! ♪
Yeah, yeah.
It's only a three-hour flight,
but it's gonna be a really long one.
- ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪ - ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪
♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪
- ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪ - ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪
♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪
- ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪ - ♪ ¿Qué pasó? ♪
Synthesizers
that I'd encountered
could almost be thought of as domesticated animals.
And here was this thing that was like a
a wolverine or something, you know?
♪ ! Uh! ♪
Oh, my gosh.
Daddy!
I've heard stories about him.
I've seen photos. I've seen videos now.
I've got to meet his closest friends,
and I'm with his family and...
I don't think I've ever felt closer to my dad
than I do right now.
The Resynator is the vehicle,
but the mission itself is... is human.
It's her dad.
She wanted to know him.
She's his child.
It's her dad.
This is day two of the NAMM show,
and this Resynator hasn't been here
for 37 years.
So I was really excited to bring it
and kind of start a new chapter for it.
My dad invented a synthesizer in the '70s,
and they showed this at the NAMM show back in 1980.
And my father passed away when I was born,
and I dug this out of my grandma's attic
- a couple of years ago. - I love it.
And, um, I'm showing it again, the same, the same prototype.
"Timbral Image Modulator."
And I got a call from Brian Kehew,
who's doing the demo,
that it wasn't tracking pitch properly.
Right.
So here's the situation.
It's still not tracking pitch, and we didn't have enough time
to figure it out, but we're gonna...
Oddly enough,
I found out that my dad and Mike Beigel
had something similar happen 37 years ago in 1980.
The night before the NAMM show,
they were putting this prototype together,
and it wasn't done, and they were up
until the crack of dawn, trying to,
like, solder the boards and finish everything.
But unfortunately, there's just not enough time
to figure it out before we do this demo.
And my Resynator is currently not working.
It's not tracking the pitch, so we-we...
The whole day has just been, like,
kind of exhausting and, um, and really overwhelming
for more reasons than I can even think about right now.
The Resynator's broken.
We don't know what happened, and I'm so upset.
And this whole time, I never even tried to play it myself.
I just watched other people play it,
and now I might never get the chance to.
And I feel like I've let you down.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, sweetie. How was the show?
It's broken. It broke right before the show.
What?
Yeah, it's not tracking,
so we couldn't do the demo.
Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
I just... I don't know what I'm gonna do
if we can't get it working again.
Well, you know, even if you don't,
it's already done so much for you.
I mean, look at how far you've come with this project.
You know how happy this would have made your dad?
Yeah, I know.
I'm just sick, too, and kind of over it.
I have a feeling you're gonna get it working again.
Oh, my God, Richard.
- It's working. - I can't believe it.
If it gets stuck, if it will no longer track pitch,
just power it off and power it on again.
We thought that it was
the Digital Frequency Analyzer chip,
which is this processor right here.
And it turned out to be this, the crystal.
So when that's off, it sets everything else off.
Yeah.
- And they were all bad, too. - Right.
It's crazy how far we've come.
Yeah.
And I know you're into this financially quite a bit, so...
- Yeah. - It's like...
Dug me a hole.
- Okay, so... - All right.
Oh, my God. I can't believe it fits.
Yeah.
Okay.
Uh, just anywhere.
Okay.
- Hi. Alison. - Mark.
- Great to meet you. Hey. - So nice to meet you.
- Hi. - How you doing?
Good. How are you?
This approach to the invention
was from the musical side of things,
rather than the technical side of things.
I found this letter
that was addressed to my dad...
- Wow. - In 1982, from Jon Anderson.
- Wow. - That's cool.
There's, like, four songs we were doing yesterday where,
like, we were missing this sound.
When my dad died,
I guess his family
- compiled his Rolodex. - Wow.
Musicians: Ken Aronoff.
- Oh, my God. Why Ken? - I was Kenny.
It's a great bit of machinery and a great idea.
You can see there's a great imagination behind it.
The Resynator seemed to have instant sound.
Your dad was really creating something
that was the beginning of a lot of things.
But how are you getting it to do the...
I've never heard that before.
It always tends to have a personality
and like a, like a sonic stamp.
This is fantastic. It's so great.
Oh, I like that. It's almost human.
It's almost like someone talking.
Everybody's learning right now
how, uh... how someone's brain worked.
Hi, everybody. How are you?
Uh, so it's nice to see everybody.
Where are you from?
You heard about Don being this kind of genius guy
who was kind of, like, outside of the box,
doing all these weird things with electronics and stuff.
His smile was so infectious.
Oh, you know who would love this?
Flaming Lips.
- Oh, yeah. - They would go crazy over it.
I just heard from the tour manager
that they don't have time to come.
It was a string of attempts to get people into the trailer
to play the Resynator, but, like, I got.
Rami Jaffee, who I love.
Whoa. We're communicating.
Yeah, I feel like I know him
better than anybody, actually.
- Probably, probably. - Yeah.
Hey, Mama. Guess what.
- What? - I finally heard
from Peter Gabriel, and he said he does remember the Resynator
and that he'd be happy to meet me,
so I'm going to London.
- Hey. - Hi, Peter.
- Very nice to meet you. - Nice to finally meet you.
- Great. And you. - Thank you so much
- for doing this, really. - You're very welcome.
I really appreciate it.
So, I found my dad's Resynator
- in my grandma's attic. - Right.
And when I pulled it out, I also pulled out
a bunch of, um, you know, old records
and documents and magazines and stuff.
- Right. - But out of a needle in a haystack,
I pulled out this piece of paper
that I thought looked pretty interesting.
- Yeah. - And it said, "Syco Systems."
And it says, "We hope that the demand
"for the Resynator, as is already evident here,
"continues to build up and that we can look forward
"to many years of business with you.
"Incidentally, lurking amongst those people
"grasping, cutting and stabbing for their first Resynator
"is Peter Gabriel.
"If there were the remotest possibility
"of him being able to use one on tour in Europe,
please don't hesitate to let us know."
It was a pivotal moment for me because
this was the first time that I was seeing
something factual where I could kind of take this
to lead the path into,
"Okay, maybe there is something that I need to discover
- "about this." - Right.
- So, this is very early days. - Right.
We definitely had, um, demo models,
and I... I messed around with it, too.
- You remember playing it? - Yeah.
I do remember playing it, but I think, um...
And I think I probably had it down in... in Bath
for a day or so.
So I-I am interested to see, like, in what form
you would want to see the Resynator, but also,
what would you hope your daughter would do
if she were me?
- Am I, am I missing anything? - Yeah, 'cause this is
- a search for your dad. - Yeah.
And that's... you know, that's a beautiful thing
in itself, so, you know...
But maybe, you know, a better way to honor it
is rather than trying to recreate the past
because he was always wanting to move on
and-and absorb the future in his designs,
so maybe you should do that
- and put it in software. - Yeah.
Yeah. I never really thought about it like that.
- Yeah. - Like, I'm trying to go back,
but he was always trying to push for the future.
- Go forward. Yeah. - That's great.
Do you feel you're finding more about your dad in the process?
'Cause that's the important part of this journey, right?
Yeah. I mean, for sure, 'cause I...
I didn't have any interest in
- in learning about him as a kid. - Right.
'Cause, like I said, everything was so outlandish
that it didn't seem relatable or believable.
Right. Right.
So, now that I'm
now that I'm here, especially, like, I've...
Yeah.
You know, standing outside the Syco office,
knowing that he was in London
- thirty... seven years ago. - Yeah.
- Right. Right. - He was here, too.
- Yeah. - And so it's, like, moments like that
that I n... I normally would never, um,
think mattered or felt any difference...
Yeah.
Now I feel like
there's some sort of connection there.
Cool, well, Peter, thank you so much.
Well, good luck. Okay.
- I really appreciate all of your time. - No, it's okay.
You're very welcome.
This has been really fun for me.
Great. Well, I wish you... wish you well
in exploring it and, uh, bringing it back to life
in whatever form it takes.
To me, it's... it's Alison's search
for her dad through this instrument
that is interesting.
She's trying to, um, feel the work
and in the mind and heart of her dad
through this journey.
I think Alison will find something of herself
through learning more about her dad.
You know, I think we are inevitably, you know, a product
of our parents and grandparents.
And so, the more information we have
about them, there will be clues
and signposts for our own lives.
Emmett told me
you were called a robot in high school.
Roger said you were shy.
Gordon said you were depressed.
So maybe you created something
you always wanted to be yourself.
Something with an interesting and expressive existence
that could filter things out and shape things.
Something that could sound like anything
and be anything.
- Hi there. - How you doing?
Long time no see.
- Good to see you, Mike. - You, too.
Hi. I haven't seen you in a long time either.
Pookie.
- Hey, we're all still here. - Hey, you look the same,
but Pookie looks a little older.
Pookie.
We do need whatever tools we're gonna use.
Okay.
So, I've got two main boards and one DFA board.
We talked about swapping out these five percent resistors
with one percent.
We're gonna have to do some de-soldering.
Some de-soldering.
You want to have good physical contact so that
the solder is not the conductor.
The solder just holds everything in place.
- I didn't know that. - Now you know it.
- Bend it, so it fits right. - Okay.
So, now we solder.
Hold the soldering iron this way and don't touch this part
- when it's on. - Okay.
This is the part that leaves a permanent mark.
Yup. Okay.
Solder should flow,
and you don't want to use too much or too little.
Well, I started in art,
and then got into music in the '60s,
and one of the reasons
I got into music was because, as a musician,
you simply picked up your instrument and played.
I was able to have the creative experience
with my audience.
The computer comes along
and allows me to have that immediacy
of being able to sit down with somebody
and show them this creative expression.
This particular item
was a symbol of her father's work
and my work, our cooperative work.
It's a product that kind of deserved
to be presented to the public at the time.
And it wasn't.
It was just like a... a page pulled out of a book.
That looks good. Oh, man, you're so...
You're so quick.
That's how it's done.
That was so quick.
It's a profound kind of a feeling
that a person shows up
who is a representative on this planet of Don.
It's just one of the stranger experiences I've had
in a life full of pretty strange experiences.
While computers won't replace us
the computer does a rather neat job of filling in for us.
- Hello. - Hi. Rod?
- You're Don's kid. - I am, yeah.
My involvement with your dad
started in I-I'm pretty sure it was '82.
I was a quality assurance manager
for a company called Manutek,
and we were the manufacturers that Don selected
for the Musico Resynator,
like, the first guitar synthesizer put out there.
Yeah.
The original prototype run was for 15 units,
but the plan was to finish two completely,
because he apparently had arranged
- to, uh, do a demo for Paul McCartney. - Wow.
And he was kind of counting on that endorsement.
We really grinded over the details,
setting all the variable resistors
at just the right setting and all that kind of crap.
And there was a lot of adjustment.
We got two units up and running, and he said,
"Okay, I'm gonna take one to England with me."
You know, about a week later, he called us from London,
and he said, "There's been a glitch.
I'm not getting what I need out of this thing."
I knew that Don had an early appointment with McCartney.
And I'm not sure how it worked out
'cause I never talked to your dad again.
It's always been my feeling that maybe the demo
with McCartney didn't go so well.
You know, I think after that demo,
he kind of lost interest in the whole thing.
Good moms raise their children,
give them a sense of ethics.
I said, "When you walk out this door,
"you reflect on this family.
"If you do something great, we bask in your glory.
If you do something bad, we share your shame."
Grandma Kitty passed away,
and I'm left thinking about all the things
I never told her because I didn't feel that I could.
She didn't understand you,
just like she never understood me.
But I know that she did love both of us, in her own way.
Donnie was the real deal,
but I think he wanted to be somewhere,
like Alison, just taking off
and going to L.A. and finding herself,
her own way.
But she had this fabulous mother
who had helped her with a foundation.
Really, music was his true love.
He would have been so happy
if he could have just played in his band
and performed and done that.
He had such a creative mind.
You know, if he'd had the freedom,
who knows what he would have done today?
See that?
Yeah I haven't looked through it yet.
I want to look through all the books real fast.
That's why we saved all of this here.
We did our best to make sure
that she would know him through his accomplishments
and through the stories
and the things that we would tell her about him.
He seemed like a superhero.
- Yeah. Good. Yeah. Interesting. - And as-as wonderful
- as that seems... - Yeah, it sounds like you might be
- it's unbelievable. - Yeah, right, but it's true.
You know what I mean? He was not real to me
until I started seeing his faults.
You have to... you have to know the good and the bad,
'cause nobody's perfect.
I've heard good things and very dark and sad things.
But it's real, and that's what matters.
- Got to be real. - Okay, well...
- But I love him. - I lived it.
And I'm connected to him, and...
That's wonderful. That's what counts.
I didn't, I didn't get to meet him. I didn't get...
You lived it, but I didn't.
He did attempt to
uh, pitch the Resynator to Stevie Wonder,
and he did try to have a meeting with Paul McCartney.
Like, there-there are bits and pieces of these stories
that I've heard throughout my life that, yeah,
he actually did those things.
He actually sold three units to Peter Gabriel.
But I would've... I never believed any of it
until I was like, "Oh, and he's also a human.
"He also was real.
He also didn't succeed in everything he did."
And then I was like, so that stuff that did seem
out of this world is actually believable now,
and it makes it that much better.
Okay.
I know you don't like hearing it,
and I know it's uncomfortable for you,
but it's so important to me.
It's okay that he was depressed...
I have a glass already.
- Should we open it in here? - Sure.
Just...
You open it.
I'm gonna do a hefty pour.
I think it's probably
- a hefty pour kind of night. - Yeah.
- Are you nervous? - Yeah.
I've been dreading this for a while.
I'm just afraid that I'm gonna, like, read something
that makes me hate him.
What do you think is in here?
I got a text from Sandi.
She told me that she was going through Kitty's basement
um, I don't know, like, a few weeks after Kitty died,
and, like, found these documents
that she thought I would want to see.
So, your Aunt Sandi, like, sent you these?
Are these hard copies? Oh, there's a letter.
I'm not sure. "Alison, your dad"
"spoke to me through his mind somehow"
"the afternoon before"
"he was declare-declared brain dead."
"I had gone up to my bedroom"
"to change shoes when suddenly the smell of Don's fragrance."
"Obsession for Men"
- "filled..." - He was, he was debonair.
Yeah. "Filled the air."
"I was stopped in my tracks, and his voice said,
"'Take care of my little girl.'
"I said, 'I will.'
"And then the fragrance immediately left,
"and that was it.
"He was declared dead that next morning.
"Larry and I will always be here for you,
along with the rest of your family. Love you, Sandi."
Oh, geez.
Well, that's heavy.
So, um, this says, "For Alison."
Okay.
Uh, November 17th, '88.
So, this is, like, a week before he died.
"I spent nearly four hours with Alison."
"My mom and I lovingly posed for Sandi's camera."
"I just couldn't keep away from Alison."
"She could tell by the smell of me"
"and my voice that this was Daddy."
"I picked her up"
"and almost instantly she mellowed out"
"because she is of my genes."
"When she awoke from sleep and our eyes"
"locked,
"and we mimicked each other,
each other's fac-facial expressions..."
Sorry.
You don't need to be sorry.
I'm okay.
"I looked in her eyes, and I could see"
"so far into her because she is me."
"It all seemed so natural, and yet,
"I've been deprived of these moments since Alison was born.
"I sing 'A Song for You' by Leon Russell
"with slightly modified lyrics.
"Every time we're together, I sing this song to her.
"As she grows, she'll know that that song f-from,
"and years from now, when she understands the words,
she'll know my sentiment."
"A Song For You."
"I know your image of me is what I hope to be.
"Treat you kindly, so can't you see.
"There's no one more important to me.
"So, daring, won't you please see through me?
"Because we're alone now.
"And now I'm singing this song for you.
"Well, I love you in a place.
"Where there's no space and time
"I love you for my life, you are a friend of mine.
"And when my life is over.
"Remember we were together.
'Cause we're alone now, and I'm singing my song for you."
"When it came time to go,
"my chest heavied, I sobbed,
"and then the tears came.
"A wave of sadness swept over me
"that Sandi's kind words could not console.
"The tears streamed down my face and onto her shoulder.
"I knew I had to leave.
"I dedicated myself at that moment
"to keep a diary of my quality time with Alison
"to reflect on and savor again
until I could be with her the next time."
Oh, God.
Are you okay?
I mean...
I have a record of his, like, an LP,
that, um, "A Song For You" is on.
So you knew that he sang that song.
But I didn't know it was for me.
And I also have never listened to it
because I've never listened to any of his music before.
♪ With all the love in my heart ♪
♪ I did these all just for you ♪
♪ And the things from the start ♪
♪ They came all from my heart... ♪
You were 25
when you began inventing the Resynator.
And I was 25 when I found it.
Maybe, deep down, I always knew the Resynator
would lead me to you.
So maybe that's why it took me so long to finally
get it out of the box,
because I wasn't ready until now.
The truth is, though,
I wouldn't change the way I grew up for the world.
I grew up in a place where I was loved unconditionally.
Loved for trying,
loved for failing,
and everything in between.
You didn't have that.
You don't have to be famous to be special.
You don't have to have played with legends to be talented.
And you don't have to be a genius to be successful.
All of those stories I heard growing up
are a part of you, sure.
But they don't make you who you are.
Who you are is who I am,
because I am the resonance of you.
A vibrant and complex, flawed but growing human.
Everyone says you were ahead of your time.
And if that's true,
then maybe I am living in your time.
A time when you would have been understood.
So I'm keeping the Resynator project alive.
For both of us.
♪ The earth, my pillow and my guitar, they surround me ♪
♪ I went to sleep last night ♪
♪ And no one found me ♪
♪ So I headed for the coast ♪
♪ To spend my time alone ♪
♪ With one that I love most ♪
♪ With all the love in my heart ♪
♪ I did this all just for you ♪
♪ And even though we're apart ♪
♪ Time's on our side shining through ♪
♪ With all the love in my heart ♪
♪ I feel you understand me ♪
♪ I'm not a perfect man ♪
♪ But you found the beauty ♪
♪ Well, time ♪
♪ Goes by so fast ♪
♪ Yet time ♪
♪ Goes by so slow ♪
♪ But lately, I've been thinking ♪
♪ Where does the time really go? ♪
♪ It's moving on ♪
♪ It's moving on, it's moving on ♪
♪ Time passed by on down the road ♪
♪ It zoomed past all I'd ever known ♪
♪ Oh, won't you find my time ♪
♪ And take it anywhere you want? ♪
♪ I can't make time anymore ♪
♪ It's all just for you ♪
♪ With all the love in my heart ♪
♪ I went to sleep last night ♪
♪ The earth, my pillow and my guitar ♪
♪ They surround me ♪
♪ And hold me tight ♪
♪ But my time is moving on ♪
♪ It's moving on, it's moving on ♪
♪ It's moving on. ♪