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People say that all women want to be princesses
Have they seen a real princess before?
I am a princess
My father is of course, the Emperor
Even though we live under the same roof
But the roof of the palace is a huge one
We can only see each other twice a year
The first occasion is National Day
And the second is the Emperor's birthday
Which is today
Mistress Feng's Princess Ping
My little Ping
I wish Father a long life with countless blessings
Good
Thank you Father
Mistress Lan's Princess Xiu
Little Xiu
I wish Father an ageless life with many happy returns
Mistress Yu's Princess Yuan
I wish Father...
Good
I wish Father good health with vigorous spirit
Good
Thank you Father
Mistress Feng's Princess Gui
Wishing Father a happy birthday
Mistress Zhen's Princess Xiang
Good, good
I wish Father gains a son in old age
Mistress Ann's Princess Hua
Mistress Twin's Princess Faye
I'm Princess Gou
Ouch!
Happy Birthday Father
How about this one who dive in?
Princess Yan
Little Yan
That trick is called "Flat out like a Lizard"
I devised it specially for your birthday
Flat out like a Lizard
How creative of you
I'm very pleased
This is the only one left
It's beautiful
Thank you Father
As a princess
Her daily routine is to eat, play and sleep
When she reach the age of marriage
She has to receive Sir Yang's special training
This year, 11 sisters are in class with me
Sex is necessary for humankind
And is the best way to retain a good relationship
Today I am going to teach you the 3rd skill in bed
"Playing Hard to Get"
Pay attention and follow what we do
Your body must be light
Your waist must be flexible
Pretending to be sick
And show signs of weakness
sigh in a sexy way
Spin back
And sigh in a sexy way
Ah
If you are to marry, this class is compulsory
When in Rome, do as Romans do
If you meet a westerner, say I love you
His jaw will drop and so will his pants
If you're in Japan, you'll feel right at home
Because they all write in Chinese
Wear your kimono
Take a bow and says Good Morning
If you end up in barbarous Europe
They won't know a word of Chinese
Greet him with Bon apptit before eating
Ans the French will get in a fit
Bring it back now
I hereby grant you, Cheng Qian, son of General Cheng Feng
The title General of Loyalty
Thank you Emperor
My father sacrifice his life for the country
I shall follow his path
And devote myself for the nation and the Emperor
When will I have the honor to fight for you, Emperor?
It's peace time now
Why don't you retreat to the gills and do some farm work?
When we need you
You will be the first on the call list
Please raise General
Your mother has been widowed for 20 years
To reward her for her fidelity
I have decided to grant her a gift as compliment
Wow this really does suit her
Son
I still don't get it
Why on earth the Emperor grants me this?
Compensate for your shortcomings
Shouldn't it describe your father
Who helped the Emperor protect His land?
I think He wanted to praise you for protecting a piece of land
Which is way smaller than the one father had protected
Peace is beneficial to everyone
But to a keen young man, it's a waste of his talents
Even though I've been made a general
But I will fight against crime whenever I can
Out of my way or I will put you in jail
I can accuse you a few more offences
Li, as a police sergeant
You've been taking advantage of your powers
Just last month
You robbed 30 pieces of land and took 12 girls by force
Covered up for those filthy businessmen and released the prisoners
You even peed on the street 47 times
For the sake of people, I must arrest you today!
The General's plaque from the Emperor?
So the General wants to do the God's duty huh?
Come General
Strike me with that great sword of yours
Where's your guts?
Just scrape me a little
Ouch! I got it!
The pain enlightened me
Thank you General for the lesson
I shall reflect on my wrong doings in the past
I must do that
Did you all realize the bad deeds you've done?
Yeah all of a sudden we did
Then off you go get a room at the hotel
And find a woman to reflect opon
Yes
Maintaining social order isn't something you can do overnight
Let's call it a day
And go to the Peach Blossom Festival for a drink and relax
Awesome! I've been waiting for this
That's why we are here today
Let's go drinking
Let's go
A light body
And a flexible waist
A twist to the side and fall into his arms
Be careful!
Ouch!
Why all this practice?
When we're only practising among girls?
It's not like we're going to practise with Sir Yang and Sir Zhang
They're not even proper men
What should we do?
It's no use just sitting here
I need a man
Who else here doesn't need a man?
A pricness shouldn't be so loose
Even if you were, lower your voice
Ah I need a man
You are all desperate for men?
Yes!
I know a place where we can see many of them
Where?
The lanterns are so pretty
- Hey have you been to that hotel? - It's alright
Awesome!
Cute guys
Hey... hold it
We need to pretend not to look at them
And enjoy of being checked out by guys
Let them stew in disappointment of being ignored
You're right
Hey stop looking
At your position of north-northwest
They're pretty yet already being occupied
I'm a man
We're men and we're doing fine
Those two guys are like kids
Just like you
Here comes the highlight...
of the Peach Blossom Festival
Also the host's favorite game
Speed-Fate-ing
If you're feeling lonely
And within that loneliness you're all alone
Then this game is for you
In a moment
Each pair of singles will get to know each other
In the time this hourglass takes to empty out
When I hit the gong
All the gentlemen should move one seat to the left
And get to know the next lady
And so on
Remember in Speed-Fate-ing we believe in Fate
And Speed
Damn I shouldn't have dressed up as a man
Loser
Let's get started
Move seats
You look familiar
You can recognise me through this veil?
Mother! You...
Yes it's me...
Alright
Look if you're a filial son
Give your mother a chance
Look around you
I'm just want to have fun
It that okay?
This one's not for me
Off you go now
I'm a humble girl without bad habits
But I do like getting my hair washed by the river stream
And you sir?
A man as rakish likes me... and most of all, randy
Why don't you lower your veil miss
And allow me to enjoy your tenderness
Oh but wait
I can't. I might be shy
But I do like men who is randy
Excellent
A woman who treasures their appearance so much
Must be a beauty
Let me help you
No please don't
Wait sir
Let's chat first I just want one touch
You skin is soft indeed
And your hand too
Smooth as a shelled egg
How dare you molest a woman in public?
Mind your own business
I'll touch her as I please
Asshole
You...
How dare you hit my royal...
- What? - Call them
Call them
You're in deep trouble now
- Let's go - What's happening?
Just leave!
What took you so long?
Your Highnesses
Where are you? They've all gone now!
- Go after them! - Yes!
Quick!
My dear Emperor
My King would like to show
his respect for your culture
By sending gifts along with our marriage proposal
In hope that you will agree to it
Since the King of the West has come in good faith
I will honor this by selecting a princess myself
To become the queen of your country
May all princesses enter
Father
Good
- Emperor I have made a selection - Good
This princess here
Good taste
I should remind you
I don't do returns once a princess leaves the palace
You have a 7-day period to think about it
Thank you Emperor
When you arrive in the West you must serve your Lord well
And not ever embarrass your country
Yes Father
I won't let you down
Good
But where is the West?
Sir Yang
This is ther globe and China is here
Korea and Japan
And the West is...
Here
Where?
The exact location is in Far Far Away
Far Far Away?
Little Yan, congratulations on becoming Queen Far Far Away
Don't worry, we will be with you.
The Emperor's word is being delivered
On behalf of the Emperor
Princess Yan is bound for a long journey to the West
In order to protect her
And complete the mission in time
General Cheng will act as her guard in the quest
Thank you Emperor
You've never left Beijing in your life
I'm quite worried about you
How about I come with you?
No way
You don't have to worry about me
Because I'm part of
The Chan family Tiger and Panther
Madam, General
Why are you overweight?
The more you eat and the healthier you'll be
Where's Jacky?
Madam you see
We can't afford Jackie Chan on our budget
With me Tiger
And my great strategies we'll do just fine
In other words, you're no good at fighting
This piece of Jade is our family's heirloom
Your father carried it with him through his myriad battles
Bring it with you it will bring you luck and blessings
Without you I'll be really lonely
Please don't be lonely, Mother
Remember the words from the Emperor
Every woman has shortcomings they need to compensate for
Princess, everything is ready
Little Yan, you look beautiful in your wedding gown
After you leave today
Who knows when we will be able to meet again
Pick your dowry. I'll promise you anything
Just tell me
You have so many daughters who are as fine as pearls
I just want to be Father's most special pearl
Thank you Father
As a princess I will accept my fate
Fate looks down on those who give in
I wish you happiness forever
Queen Far Far Away is here!
My little Yan is getting married!
Set off
We should be able to rest after passing the pasture
Yes General
- Fuchsia, bring the General to me - Yes
The Princess wants to see the General
Alright
I'm Tiger
Fuchsia
- General, the Princess requests your presence - Okay
Your Highness
General, have we met before?
No
Why don't you take a good look?
Just in case you lose me later on
It's easier to find me
Fair enough
So do I look familiar?
I seem to know you but again not really
Come closer to get a better look
Look familiar yet?
Do you recall?
Still no idea?
You better listen carefully
I'm the one who flirt with your mum at the Peach Blossom Festival
That pervert you slapped
You still don't recall?
Yes! I remember!
I can put you into death penalty
Shouldn't you be thankful?
Thank you, Your Highness
Out of my sight
What are you looking at?
Nothing We didn't see a thing
Yes, nothing happened
I'm so bored, why aren't we leaving?
Hey why aren't we leaving?
I order you to set off immediately!
The Princess orders you to set off!
Not moving? Fine you are all to be beheaded
You! Chop his head off!
And you! Chop his head off too!
The Princess just wants everyone to listen to her right?
You better show your respect to the Princess!
As soldiers we only take military commands
Everyone shall leave except the Princess's cart
Regroup!
Your Highness, I have my powers as General too
Draw the blinds
General, that's so cool!
I'm mad!
I can see everyone is full and happy
How about a game?
- Shall we? - Yeah!
Yeah...
Your Highness
Forget about formalities. Ourjourney is long
We can all have some fun together
We shall oblige as the Princess wishes
But our games can get too rowdy for Your Highness
So?
You'd be surprised how rowdy I can get
Just to be clear, what's in the game stays in the game
Sure, let's get started
Yeah!
It's simple
Whoever picks up the straw that says"Emperor"
Can ask peoke here to do whatever he likes
- Okay? - Yup
Hare dare you imitate the Emperor?
We had a deal. What's in the game stays in the game
Fine then I quit
Hey...
It's just a game. Let's start
Haha... l'm the Emperor!
I shall command...
I command A and H to exchange clothing
A and H to exchange clothing. Ah...
It's you?
I don't want to swap with that fat boy
Fat boy? He's obviously an old fat man
You call me an old fat man?
Come with me
Swap clothes!
I feel like I can dance now
Stop it! You look gross!
I got the"Emperor' straw!
Give me some ice
Your Highness
I want the one who drew I and D
To put this ice between their cheeks until it melts
It's you?
I'm going to melt
Yeah right, enjoy it
He got lucky
Being"Emperor" is no fun
The ones who get to play have more fun
Can't sleep, Your Highness?
Looks like you had a nightmare
Can't you sleep either General?
Talk with me
Is this the pearl from the Emperor's crown?
It was the dowry Father gave me
I can remember his face by looking at the pearl
What about you General?
Did you receive any heirlooms
From your family?
My mother gave me this piece of Jade
I wonder how she's doing
She'll be fine
Would you mind if I took a closer look?
Not at all
Well yet it's my family's heirloom after all, please take care
I'm always careful
The Jade is so pretty, General
Yes indeed Do be careful
The moonlight reflects its transparency
It had been with my father through countless battles
If I lost it by accident, do you think it'd be easy to find?
If I offended Your Highness in any way earlier
Please... please forgive me
Oh no! No!
I didn't mean it, General!
You did it on purpose
No I didn't!
Now I'll sleep tight
When will we set off today?
But I heard that the General is missing
Really? The General is missing?
General
Good morning General Cheng
You were gone the entire night
If anything goes wrong with my royal self
You'll be a dead man
Oh!
You didn't lose it. Give it back
What? What are you trying to do?
You...
What did you say?
You always stop short before you're done
I doubt it if you can protect me in this journey
I wish I'm in Far Far Away now
Are you sure, Your Highness?
As fast as you can go
Alright
Set off
Ridiculous
Do they even know how to drive?
Your Highness
Can we rest here for a while?
The Princess has fallen ill
How are you feeling?
It is General Cheng, Your Highness
Tell him to come in
General, please enter
I was informed that your Highness had fallen ill
Here's my family prescription made especially for car sickness
I'm telling you
If I die in a foreign land
You'd better count
How many relatives you have
Because I'll have them pretty much all beheaded
We've both tricked each other
Drink this up and let's call it a draw
You have to feed me
Why are you blocking your face?
Do you think I'll spit at you?
No
You think I'm the kind of woman
Who is incapable of forgiveness?
Never crossed my mind
I'm telling you
I'm such a woman with grudges
I just love taking revenges!
You feel better now, Your Highness?
Better in which way?
Both car sickness and emotionally
Whatever
I will take my leave
I feel a bit better
Still a little dizzy but definitely feeling better
But I think
Your medicine doesn't work as well as you
Then I will apply myself in healing Your Highness
Oh I'm dizzy again
A different kind of dizziness, right?
The General's plaque is as good as the General in flesh
From now on
We don't need to rush full speed ahead
We will travel as slowly as possible
And enjoy the journey
Is that clear?
Yes
Who stole my clothes?
How dare you?
Lmpersonating the General. Get him! Yes
Who dares to remove my clothes?
Can't even take a joke
I know Your Highness has a hobby of cross-dressing
You may wear my clothes
But please return the plaque
It's just a stupid plaque anyway
General Cheng, receive the plaque with both hands
Protect the General! Yes
Good job Tiger
Thank you General
Leave...
You can have your clothes back
Front... Back...
You lost
Are you ready?
Yes
1, 2, 3, Marco Polo
I won! When did you get here?
What are you doing?
Aren't you a princess?
Be honest with me, have you ever been ridden?
This is the first time
I've ridden plenty of eunuchs but you're the first General
Since it's our first time
Why don't you be my little horse then?
Go!
Faster!
Stay still, Your Highness
But I'm riding a horse
I heard there are stars that fly past in the blink of an eye
They're called shooting stars
If you make a wish before it disappears
That wish will come true
- Really? - Yeah
Look! A shooting star!
I want youth and beauty forever
I want to be happy and gain without pain
I wish to find someone who will love me all my life
I want world peace
But the world is at peace
Really?
You didn't say a thing, what did you wish for?
What did you wish for, Your Highness?
I'd have said it if I can
Yeah right
Wow there's a cluster of them
"Meanwhile in Far Far Away, there's a King who loves hunting"
Shot!
When await turns into hope
Love is all around
It comes even earlier than I expect
What's in this world is more important...
Shot!
I'm serious, Your Highness
When will you give the Jade back?
It's mine now
I am a princess, do I need your permission for anything?
Please stop talking, Your Highness and General
I can't paint in this way
General, I got a smart idea
I have thought of a way to get the Jade back
We can send a few soldiers to disguise as bandits
And pretend to attack us
The Princess must freak out when she sees this
By that time, what you have to do
Is to show up and save the beauty
She sure will thank you
And return the Jade to you
That shall work
But cheating the Princess is...
What?
It is a fatal crime
So why are you suggesting it?
Well... we are bored here
I'm just trying to say something
Think of something else then
It's too late
You know, Panther is too hasty
He has already put my words into action
Why don't you tell me earlier?
Such beautiful flowers! What kind are they?
Ah!
Shut up! Shut up!
Give us all your valuables
Otherwise I'll...
Help! Guards! Be quite! I told you not to shout!
Apologies for the tardiness, Princess
I'm here for you, Your Highness
Why are you winking? Do you have a twitch?
- Be serious - Careful General
Your Highness, you must... keep the Jade and Pearl safe!
Brothers! She got the Jade and the Pearl!
Yes!
We have to be that serious?
More?
- Are you for real? - Do I look like a fake?
General
Leopard, who are those people?
Real bandits, protect the Princess!
Don't be afraid, Your Highness
I can't tell who's who in this mess
Whoever's with me, come with me
Stay here if you're not with me
Stay!
General
I thought you left ages ago. What's keeping you?
I need some time for costume and make up
What? They are fake bandits?
Listen to me, Your Highness
General, you're bleeding at the back
Oh blood
General
I brought you some medicine
And I got something to say
She knew I'm just trying to play Prince Charming
Yet she brought me medicine by herself
Has she already fallen in love with me?
He must think I've fall in love with him
Actually it's the other way round
Just then...
You're injured, have a good rest
Let me help you with the wound
Thank you, Your Highness
Does it hurt a lot?
Damn it, I just want to take a piss
Let me put more on, it's a deep wound
Shu...
you're shushing too loud
The Princess is helping General with his wound
What's the Princess doing?
Stop looking... lt hurts!
Is it too tight?
Turn around
It's done
It hurts my eyes
Princess...
Don't...
I never know bandaging could be so tiring
Thanks for the medicine, Your Highness, I'm better now
You're just acting tough
Seriously, I can do push-ups
Look
Are you sure?
- Looks like the Princess is getting hurt now - Yeah
I can do it faster too
Is that how you can get better?
That's a hard move
What did you want to ask me earlier?
Well...
It seems like you had something to ask me too?
No, what?
Nothing
What?
What nothing?
Nothing
- What? - What?
Why are you all here?
General, Your Highness, we won't whisper a word
About what you were doing!
Nothing happened yet!
Whoever dares to utter a word
- I'll have his whole family killed! - Yes!
I'm San Niang
A nicer description of my job is Tribe Leader
To be frank, I'm just a thief
Now I'm listening to my boys' crappy explanations
As to why the operation failed today
- And so just like that... we failed - We failed
Ava, Tar, what exactly were you saying
In that long speech of yours?
If it wasn't the other unruly bandits
Who cuts in half way
I'm sure we could have captured that princess
How do you know she is a princess?
A man suddenly shot out of nowhere
Ans wrapped his arms around the girl
He said to her
"Be careful Your Highness, and don't be afraid"
One more thing, we almost killed the General
How do you know he is the General?
While we attacked
The Princess was like
"Oh please be careful General..."
And we found that they had
Some kind ofjade and pearl with them
Those must be treasures
How do you know the treasures were jade and pearl?
- Have you seen them? - Not with our own eyes
But that the General said
"The Jade and the Pearl are really precious"
"Take good care of them"
Just like that
Perfect.
As they're camping at the foot of the hill
Go fetch me a huge boulder
We'll throw it down
Crush them and catch them off guard
Then the Jade and the Pearl will be mine
Hahaha...
Wait
The bride and the groom may take their bows
Ouch!
It must be real hurt
Okay it's done
Next, you guys should have fun in bed
I agree
General, let me help you
With this strenuous task
I don't want you
She doesn't want me
That's it for tonight, let's call it a day
Why's that?
We're having such a good time
If we keep playing like this there's no turning back
It's you who said what's in the game stays in the game
And now you quit playing
How can you switch back and forth like that?
Women are like that
Anyway, I'm not playing
I won't allow that
You're ruining my dress
I'm telling you
You and I
Are no longer playing a game
But what if anyone finds out
About what we did
We'd be defying our families and the heavens
I don't give a damn about impudence or not loyal
Let's exchange our tokens of love
Defying the heavens
Defying our families
Run...
What's happening?
Attack!
Attack...
General, those are real bandits!
Take the Princess away
Chief, those two are the Princess and the General
Let's elope in this chaos
No one will know if you take me away
I don't want to be Lady Far Far Away
Your Highness
Yan
Get out of the way
Where are the Jade and the Pearl?
He won't say
Beat him up, Ava
Still so tight-lipped?
It's because you didn't even hit him, idiot!
Really?
Tar
Let me do it
Get a taste of this!
I can't believe you're this tight-lipped and thick-skinned
What a pair of dumbass!
One can't see close up
And the other can't see from afar
Of course he won't tell a thing
Tell you what, unlike them
My eyes are fine
You don't know where the Jade and the Pearl are?
How about the Pearl and the Jade?
You think I'm kidding?
Get me a knife!
Do you know what's special about this knife?
It makes a clean cut
One strike and your head will fall off with a clean drop
Hit the ground and bounce to the side of your body
You'll regret it when you see your headless self
Why didn'r you tell me earlier?
What the heck
Sending letters like this every day...
Is he a psycho or what?
Why can't he come straight to me?
Chief, it might be a love letter
Yeah I'm sure that Bangit Wingold
Has a crush on you
Really? He does?
Hey, it's a letter to declare war
It's a love letter
It says"Declaration of War"
Are you all illiterate?
I thought it's a diagram or something
Is it sent to the wrong place? What's inside?
It says...
You've been ignored my warning of surrender
I now declare war on the 15th of this month
On the day I will have San Niang
San Niang what?
It says he wants to ravage San Niang
Ravage me?
- Ravage our Chief? - He's looking to be killed
Quiet
It's all your fault, none of you weridos can read
Now we're in this mess
Think of something
And see if we can win this battle
Would you two mind helping me up?
Alright
Looking at the lay of land here, it's hopeless
You're surrounded by trees
If they choose to use fire weapons
Then you'll all dead
I believe you should attack rather than defend
I don't quite get it, but carry on
If you believe in me, Chief
I'll use all I know to help you
So that you're left untouched
You're afraid I'll be ravaged?
Yes, and I'm more afraid of losing the Princess
So if I help you this time
I hope you can promise
To let me go look for the Princess
Sure, you can do whatever you like if we win this battle
I'm San Niang
I'm Cheng Qian
Cheng Qian, I'm impressed
Yet before we succeed
Don't ever think I'm going to let you go
Put him back to the cell
Yes, this way please
Here's your declaration
This way please
I, Ling
Am a talented storyteller
I guess I'm too talented, that's why I have no luck
I haven't done well in either business or love
My life is worthless
There is nothing left for me
I decide to give my life a dramatic ending
Goodbye my life
The gods are jealous of genius like me
What's going on?
Help!
I'm drowning!
Do you have common sense?
I'm about to hang myself, why you still pull the rope?
Stop laughing!
I get it
Dear God, you just won't let me die so soon, right?
I'll take your silence as affirmation
We'll fight it out another day
What are you trying to do?
You won't let me die and now won't even leave me alone
Stop following me!
I... I want to ask you who I am
How am I supposed to know? We've just met
Just stand there and don't move
The police will patrol around here soon
Stand still
Don't follow me...
Hey
Who am I?
What's wrong with you?
I need to show her
My true colours
You want to tell me that you will show me your true colours?
Damn it. She knows my thoughts
I will let you see my vicious side
Who am I?
Why am I even paying attention to her?
It's raining like cats and dogs outside
A girl is all alone in flimsy clothes
That will be soaked in a second
Should the wind blows
She will be left cold and shivering
And feel lost in the world
She'd rather be dead. Hahaha...
First thing first
You won't be freeloading here
It just so happens that I need an assistant
You can come work for me
But who exactly am I?
Why are you still asking me this?
Because I really want to know
I used to have a doggie called Lucky
She died because she's trying to protect me from a pig
Let's call you Lucky then
Hopefully you can bring me luck
If I'm Lucky, then who are you?
Finally you're asking me
Me, Ling, a renowned storyteller in town
At this point, she will surely ask
Why?
Good question
Let me tell you
The man right in front of you
Is a wordly and knowledgeable genius
With his terrific oratory skills, he's renowned in storytelling circles
He is loved by all
And admired by many
Thank you, oh it's you again
Thank you so much
Who are you shaking hands with?
Ignorant fool. As a performer
One must always maintain his performing state of mind
You can't let yourself go for even a second
Always remember there is audience before you
That's how you train yourself up
As my assistant
You must learn this too, got it?
Off to work now
Lucky, state of mind!
What state of mind?
Performance state of mind!
The story of Yangtze River, Episode 109
Last time, we talked about crossing the turbulent Yangtze waters
Passing deep gorges
While riding on a horse, to arrive at Xiling Gorge
We found that the people there are simple and primitive
The women were... Hey Ho Hey Ho
Today, I will be telling the story of a slutty woman
You may not know that a slutty woman has a certain look
A round face does well in social circles
With one eye larger than the other, they're hard to please
Top lip thin and bottom lip heavy
Means they'll go after your buddy
See you later for the 110th episode of the story of Yangtze River
So delicious!
That ugly monster is Ximen
Take a look at him. He's a total two-face
In a while he'll come over and pretend we're friends
Where?
- Ximen - Ling
- Hello. Have a sit - Hello. Have a sit
Oh god, Ling
Why are you eating such a plain bun?
Fleur
Yes
Bring Ling our leftovers
Okay
But I thought that was for the dogs?
No, that's not quite right
Our dog eats too well
Now he's like a pig
We should feed him buns instead
I'm not mocking you, Ling
I can tell the difference
That's perfect
He doesn't like eating our leftovers
I don't mind
- Throw it away - Alright
I said throw it away
Your signature right there please, Mr. Zhou
You're spending quite a lot of my sponsorship
Why do you need so much on promotion?
Listen up
The story of Yangtze River, brought to you by Treasure Trove
Doesn't that sound grand?
Yeah right
You are our only sponsorship, of course it sounds grand
Look, she is just a little girl
She's just playing with you Mr. Zhou
But as a promoter
One does need to be playful
I'm not so interested in promoting Treasure Trove itself
As promoting my high-quality jades and precious stones
They look pretty standard to me
The one I have is better than any of those
Wow not bad
Why don't you sell it to me silly girl?
You silly man, I bet you're not a good guy
She has mental problems, she knows nothing
Don't mind her
I never really wanted to sponsor you
I don't mind her, but I mind you
How dare you come and mess around with me?
- Shoo, go away - Mr... Mr. Zhou
Chief
Call me San Niang
San Niang, you certainly have a sense of humour
I've been captured, how can I take you with me and leave?
I'll release you
Then you can take me with you
Thank you for your kindness, Chief
If I find the Princess I will definitely come back to thank you
Easy, daylight makes travelling much easier
What do you mean?
Let's chat for a while
Cheers
I was 14 when I met my boyfriend
I was very poor back then
He said I'd never be hungry again if I stay with him
So I followed him and became a thief
To save his buddies
He got into a fight with the police and got seriously injured
Before he died
He asked me to take good care of his buddies
Why's that?
Why did he leave without a word for me?
I'd been with him for 14 years
Why didn't he leave a word for me with his last breath?
Stop!
Are you trying to run away?
You said you'd release me
Bullshit. Why on earth would I release you?
Ridiculous! Treat me like a fool? Boys
He said a lot of people would come for his stories
In fact there is not one single person
He kept saying how profound he is, but he's nothing
You said you don't rememeber a thing
How come you remember everything I said?
I have amnesia but I'm not an idiot
Even a retard can tell
This place got nothing but broken roof and windows
You can't live in this awful place
And if your business was doing so well
You would have moved out to the city
You won't stay here for sure, right?
I didn't lie
I only spoke of my dreams
Do you have to accused of someone who have dreams?
What's that burning smell?
Oh god!
I couldn't end my life when I met you
Now I have no clients or sponsors
And even my last grains of rice have been burnt
What do you want?
I want to eat chicken, do you have any?
I want one
I want one plump, big, fatty chicken
A plump, big, fatty chicken
It's a tough decision, Deal
Give me the chicken first
Right away
You...
You're back
Where did you get the chicken?
I traded it with my Jade
You said you want to eat chicken
You use that fine piece of jade to exchange one chicken?
It was a good deal, wasn't it?
Come on, eat up
Tuck in
Thank you
In the middle of no where, a country calls Far Far Away
Where there are no people, no water, nor farmland
Neither gold nor silver, nothing at all
People got nothing to eat but human brains
That's entertaining, let me drop it down
The people there...
Wait...
Ling is telling a story over there
It's really scary. Someone's even fainted
"Bury in the heavens"means to put a woman
On top of a mountain, totally exposed to nature
Where her flesh will be pecked at by eagles
Peck, peck, peck...
Two immoral people make one slutty whore... Where's everybody?
Save the slut to yourself
Bring over this person
So that her head appears
And the hammer drops with s single strike
That's spectacular...
Look, there's lots of money
You must be a genius to think of such a horror story!
What's your story tomorrow?
I can't believe she asked me back
We'll have a good meal first
You go straight to bed after that and I'll come up with something
He said he'd think of something if I went to bed early
This is where we are right now
We'll cross the river
Obscuring ourselves around the forest
Then attack from both sides
We'll catch them off guard
Let's do it according to your plan
Our fate is in your hands, including mine
Thanks for trusting me. My life is no longer a concern
Stop
Stay alert
Attack!
Are you okay?
I've been injured
How is it?
It hurts a lot
Let me help you
Be careful
Yeah! We won!
Are you alright?
Thank goodness I got you
Well done
Capture Wingold
Yes
Thank you General
Cheers Brothers
Now that I'm wearing this wedding gown
Do I look like your Princess Yan?
The wedding gown is indeed Princess Yan's
I'm asking you, do I look like her?
The gown belongs to Princess Yan
Now that I have snatched it
It is mine!
Even if you're wearing it, you're still not a princess
Especially it's a torn gown
So I can never be a princess?
Not even once?
I want you to treat me however you treat the princess
Please, just once
Every woman wants to...
be treated like a princess
I never have that experience before
Just one time
You're drunk
Chief, I have kept my promise
I come to say farewell
I'm breaking my deal. You will stay
Then you can kill me
What do you want?
What do you want to do?
You keep shifting your thoughts
Do you actually know what you want?
Leave right now
Then I will take my leave
Before you go
Call me San Niang one last time
San Niang
Be gentle
San... Niang...
Thank you
Cheng Qin
You're not trying to break your promise, are you?
Take me with you. I'm not drunk this time
I don't want to spend the rest of my life here
I want a life of my own
I'll come with you to look for the Princess
Why?
I know this place
I can be your guide
Thank you San Niang
Promise me one thing though
If you can't find the Princess
Could you travel around the world with me?
Chief...
I will miss you boys
Even though you're all dumb and illiterate
After the battle with Wingold
I'm sure you'll all be fine
We'll take good care of ourselves
Keep the Chief's sword safe with you
Don't worry Chief
Let's go
Keep it up
I'm fine
We're here at last
Let's have a roast today
And a buffet tomorrow
Celebrate each and every day
End of the advertisement
We did so well today
We have two chickens, vegetables and meat
Don't forget the fish
The chicken inside, and the guy is still outside
You are the guy or the chicken?
The guy
Isn't it the time to cook?
- Cooking? - Sure
I feel so blessed
I'm so full that my belly's about to burst
You're blessed already? Reach for the stars!
If I win this year's storytelling competition
And gain fame and fortune
We can move into a big house in the city
Behave yourself Sir
I can't imagine what you will do when you see a beauty
Where did you get this jade?
Did a girl give it to you?
None of your business
I'm a bandit, remember. The Jade belongs to you, let's go
Mayor, Ling and Lucky want to apply for the competition
You're the renowned storyteller Ling
Sign here, come
Use this, it took me the while night to make it
I must make good use of this pen
To write a magnificent story and win this competition
Higher
- So high... - It's because you're tall
Your Highness
At last, I've found you
Let go of me, who are you?
I'm General Cheng who accompanied you to the West
- Don't you remember? - Let go
Stop messing around or I'll call the police
Move
- Ling - Princess
I'm not a princess, my name is Lucky
You're the Princess
Tell him to let go
I order you to let go
Yes, Your Highness
- Are you alright? - Well
Let's go
Tell him not to follow us
I order you not to chase us
Let's go
Hey, you're not allowed to chase
But she didn't say you're not allowed to trail behind
Right, thanks San Niang
I'm a bandit, remember
The Princess looks pretty common in commoner's clothes
I think you've dirtied yourself
Thank you
Apologies for interrupting
Mr. Ling
Could you give me a chance?
I have failed to protect you, Your Highness
Enough! I'm not a princess, I'm Lucky
And I'm happy right now
You went through an accident, that's why you have amnesia
Do you remember our tokens of love?
That jade is mine
It originally belonged to me
The Emperor gave you this pearl as the dowry
We made wishes on the hill
We pretended to get married
We kissed and fell in love
In a way that the heavens
Nor our families would allow
He... He kissed me
It's alright
Yan
How could you forget me?
It's all your fault
You made all the three of us unhappy
There is only one solution
I'll kill you
- Calm down - No
Kill me
You said you'd come with me to find the Princess
Now we have, you can leave
She's not the Princess, she's Lucky
She doesn't even know you
The Princess you're looking for no longer exists. Just give up
I don't care if she knows me
She's always my princess
One final question
Have you ever thought
That you'd come travel around with me if you didn't find her?
No
That hurts
Do you recognise me now?
Thank you for saving us
Otherwise Ling and I may have died
You should thank him, Ling
Thank you
Are you alright?
My head hurts
You have no chance with the Princess even if she won't come with me
We wanted to change her fate
But it turns that our fates have changed
And we can do nothing about her
Ling
Would you please let go?
You're back
Are you alright?
Hey look
I've prepared your clothes for tonight's competition.
It's really pretty
Your Highness, it's time for you to go
What are you doing?
I told you I'm not the Princess
Why don't we rehearse tonight's story?
You are Princess Yan of the royal family
You were on your way to Far Far Away to become a queen
You'll be served by the others
And a good life awaits
Go. Lucky is just a doggie I had
I'm not leaving
I have no where else to go
Look how happy we are now
Our lives are getting better
You said we can move into the city
After you win the storytelling competition
And hire maids for me. Do you remember?
What's wrong with you?
Every woman in the world wants to be a princess
I'm Lucky
I just leant how to be Lucky
I just leant how to clean, slaughter chickens
How to cook
And be your assistant
I didn't know who I was before
You said I was Lucky
And now I'm not
What am I best at? I'm best at lying
I'm no talented storyteller. I'm nothing
You think I'm in my"performing state of mind"
When I'm talking to myself all day?
I'm just so broke I've gone crazy!
I'm not a princess
Don't make me this princess
And marry me off to the West
Did you say that Western people eat human brains?
And bullying women too
Then why are you making me go there?
Those were just things you said in your sleep
There's a guy who's a head taller than me
Plus ten times more handsome
And you'd rather believe a midget like me?
Aren't you afraid that he's cheating me?
I'm only a guy who tells stories on the side of the street
No woman would want me.
There's no point in you staying
I'm not going to waste my breath
Leave! I said go away!
No! Don't kick me out!
I don't want to see you anymore
I want to be Lucky
Go away... I don't want Lucky anymore.
Go
I am Lucky, please don't kick me out
The finals in the storytelling competition
They are Ling and Lucky
They must be getting into character
Let's cheer them on
I, Ling
No longer have any story to tell
- You're kidding. - What's going on?
I know you don't want me anymore
But let me help you...
finish telling this story
And fulfil your dream before I leave?
This story
Is about a man
And a dog that appeared on his doorstep
No, not a dog
Right, it should be a beautiful woman who appeared
One who doesn't know how to do any chores
The Emperor's word is arriving
Behold
Wow, such good acting
They even made up an imperial edict
You fool! It's indeed an imperial edict
Be serious everyone
Be quiet
This is a message for Princess Yan and General Cheng
I have been sent by the Emperor to speak on his behalf
Princess Yan encountered bandits on her journey to get married
General Cheng shall compensate his fault
By continuing the journey to Far Far Away
Let there be no delay or losses. That's all
Sir Zhang
The Princess fell down the mountain
And lost her memory
How did that happen?
May I speak to her first?
Hurry
The Princess still has to sumbit to her fate no matter what
It's enough that only I remember
What happened between us
The Princess and I
Exchanged the Jade and the Pearl as tokens of love
Now the items are returned to the owners
We can act like none of it ever happened
Since she no longer has feelings
The Jade and the Pearl lost their meanings
San Niang
I'm afraid they might evoke memories
Let me destroy them for you
No
I remember the wish I made under the shooting star
Is that all General's wishes would come true
My wish at the time
Is that all Princess's wishes would come true
Sorry
But thank you
Thank you for giving me Lucky
Apologies for the tardiness, Your Highness
From then on, the Princess has vanished from my life
The General and the Princess continued their journey
They pasted through deserts and plains
And reach the border of Far Far Away at last
The lovers knew that they were soon to part
General
What are you doing?
General, why don't you elope with the Princess?
Do you know the consequence of eloping?
Yes. Happiness
Being able to be with the one you love
And live happily ever after
The Emperor will go after us
Father once said
That fate looks down upon those who give in
And I won't give in
I
Will never elope with the Princess
Even if I were to risk being beheaded
I'll request the Emperor to grant us marriage
That's great, General!
The General and the Princess chose to go back and ask for The Emperor's mercy
The Emperor was moved by their love
And decided to grant them marriage
The General and the Princess live happily ever after
Like a match made in heaven
Are they really as happy as you depict?
To believe is a form of happiness
Everyone has a story of his own
The content maybe the same, but the version differs
I'm not a princess, but I remember a moment
When a man made me feel like one
Just a brief moment and that will suffice