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Good morning, ladies.
Hello.
Hello!
Thank you.
Babe.
I need a second opinion.
Okay.
What is it?
Um, it's a Douglas fir parfait.
Oh.
- Darling, what time is it? - Please. Please can you just try it?
Mmm.
Okay.
So no gush or trickle or fluid
or unusual amount of dampness in your underwear?
- Mm-mmm. - Mucus plug?
Who even are you?
Um, okay.
Fluids?
Didn't you just ask me that question?
- No, to drink. Have you... - No, nothing.
Jesus.
Make sure you keep drinking.
Okay.
So as and when you, um... you have any...
Yeah, you'll be the first to know.
Good to go on that.
Just a little more.
- Table five. - Yes, Chef.
Sauce?
Right, that's ready for service.
Don't look so terrified, Chef.
- That's fucking majestic. - Thank you, Chef.
Chef?
Do you need anything?
No, I'm fine. I'm fine. Leave me alone. Go back to your station.
So what happens now?
I'm going to recommend starting with a course of chemotherapy.
Why not just remove it?
Sorry, I mean, why... why can't we just operate?
- Honestly? - Yeah.
It's too big.
The first thing we have to do is shrink it.
Slow it down.
Once we achieve that, then we can operate.
And then... And then what?
Once you recover from surgery,
you'll need to complete another course of chemotherapy.
We really don't want to be leaving anything behind here.
Hmm.
Given this is a reoccurrence,
we need an aggressive treatment plan.
Okay.
So...
Just to check that I...
- It would go: a course of chemotherapy... - Mmm.
followed by surgery,
followed by another, hopefully final course of chemotherapy?
- Correct. - Okay, great.
And what about work?
What about work?
Well, how much time off, do you think, realistically, we should be considering?
What do you think?
Well, given the physical nature of your profession,
honestly, if you and your colleagues can find a workable solution,
I would advocate stepping back.
Maybe it's time to finally get a dog.
I read somewhere that pets, dogs, are really good for children,
helping them to cope with, like, big life stuff.
Hmm.
Because once they've gone through the death of a pet,
their ability to handle all the other terrible shit goes up.
So... So you think we should procure a dog
in order to end its life prematurely as a way of...
I'm obviously not suggesting we kill a dog.
Maybe just a really old one.
What...
What would you say if I said to you...
um, I'm not sure
I know how to go through all of that all over again?
Um...
'Cause let's... let's just say...
Let's just say it goes to plan and...
in whatever it is, like, six to eight months...
Mm-hmm.
I receive the all clear, and it's great,
and all of a sudden, it feels, like, great.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
That'd be great. Agreed. Yeah.
But what happens if it doesn't?
All of a sudden you're in this weird position
where instead of making the most out of those...
six, seven, eight, maybe nine months,
you're gonna realize that all you did was go bald and puke your guts out.
Mm-hmm.
Okay. Yeah.
So you're saying that, in that scenario, for you it would be...
uh, more about quality than quantity?
I'm saying I'm not particularly interested
in a treatment plan that accidentally wastes our time.
I'm saying, in that particular scenario, I'd much rather we...
we have six fucking amazing, fantastic, proactive months...
than 12 really, really shitty, passive ones.
I'm not saying I don't want to do the treatment.
I'm just saying...
I want it to be the right choice.
Knock, knock.
- Breakfast. You got time? - Yeah.
- Kumquats or eggs? - Mmm.
You tell me.
Then dealer's choice it is.
- Nice threads, by the way. - Oh.
Thanks, Dad.
Hello, my name is Tobias Durand.
And I'm part of the Weetabix IT team,
fulfilling the role of Master Data Steward.
Fabulous.
If you could just go ahead and tell me what you had for breakfast this morning.
Honeyed kumquats on toast.
Followed by a bowl of Weetabix.
Okey dokey.
I think the thing that I enjoy most about working here at Weetabix
is the feeling of family.
Despite the fact that we're all of us part of a very large, global brand,
there's...
there's still a real family feeling.
Ugh.
Okay.
Divorce.
Patient number 14.
They needed the bed back.
What's happened to my underwear?
Oh, I literally have no idea.
This, um... This was all you...
all you had on you.
The Chocolate Orange was pronounced dead at the scene.
Uh... Um...
I'm Almut, by the way.
Almut?
Almut.
Tobias.
So sorry, but do we know each other?
Oh.
Yeah... No. Um...
Sorry. I...
I... I ran you over.
Oh.
Patient number 17.
Sorry.
It's all right.
Hello and welcome to Red Wagon Diner.
Here at Red Wagon Diner,
we pride ourselves on offering our customers
a taste of the classic '50s American diner here on the great British roadside.
All our burgers are made to our special recipe
using 100% British beef,
and our top-dollar shakes are made with real dairy ice cream to die for.
What can I get you?
I work for Weetabix.
As in the breakfast cereal?
Mm-hmm.
Well, the company...
Sorry. The company also own...
Weetos, Alpen, Ready Brek. But, yeah.
Wow.
You must be really regular.
Ow, ow.
Um, how... how about yourself?
I'm a chef/restaurant owner.
Oh.
Uh, what kind of cuisine do you, uh...
do?
Uh, modern European takes on classic Alpine dishes.
So, basically, Anglo-Bavarian.
Well, that's the plan, anyway.
Supposed to open in a few weeks.
How's it going?
Uh...
Oh.
Oh, no.
No, it's going fine.
It's gonna be great.
You should come.
No, honestly, I feel like that's the least I could do.
Oh.
And your wife too.
- Darling? - Yeah?
Yeah.
There is something that your daddy and I...
There's something that Mummy and me want to...
We want to talk to you about.
Yeah. Something a little... a little bit important, actually.
- It's a bit serious, though. - Yeah.
A bit serious and a bit grown-up.
Yeah. A bit serious, a bit grown-up, a bit important.
Yeah.
So Mummy didn't realize it, but Mummy's...
Mummy's actually been feeling quite ill.
Got a bit of a tummy ache, kind of a pretty nasty tummy ache.
- And the doctors have basically said... - Hey there!
What a delicious-looking ice cream sundae.
Yummo!
My name's Noel. What's your name?
- Ella, and I'm three. - So sorry, we're actually...
How would you like to see me make this entire bottle disappear?
- Yes, please. - Noel? Noel, seriously.
This is not a good time.
Will you help me say the magic words?
Noel!
Go... Go away. Go away.
Sorry, it's just not the time.
- So... - So...
Where were we?
Mm-hmm!
That's so much tea.
Can I make you one?
All right, you two.
It's bath time, and it's bedtime for both of you.
No.
Am I gonna have to come and get you?
- No. - Are you nodding?
- I'm gonna come and get you! - Grab Teddy.
What are we gonna do? Do you want me to... I don't know if I can...
- Sorry, Mummy. - No!
You tricked me!
We're going all the way.
I like her best.
- Yep. - Yeah.
- And I like her best. - I know you do.
She has great hair, doesn't she?
You were really great with her this afternoon, by the way.
Yeah, well...
Yeah, I'm... I'm glad we decided just to talk to her
instead of killing a dog.
Yeah.
So...
I was thinking...
Maybe, um, we...
should have some sex
before my treatment begins.
Now?
Mm-hmm.
I meant to say, I got the weirdest message from Simon.
Hmm?
You know, Simon Maxson, my old boss?
Well, he, um...
He wanted to know if I...
if I was interested in trying out for the Bocuse d'Or.
As soon as all this is over...
we're... we're gonna make sure that you have the opportunity and the time
to take on whatever it is you want.
But I really...
I really think that right now
we ought to just slow down and focus on get...
Relax.
I said no.
Just thought it was interesting, that's all.
Yes! Come on.
Oh, that was perfect!
That's a perfect throw.
Thank you for joining us in the countdown
to our New Year's Eve celebrations.
What are you up to tonight? Are you going out...
- Oh! - to watch some fireworks?
- Staying in with the kids? - Mmm.
- Have you got friends coming round? - Mmm!
Ring in and let us know what you're planning to do...
Thank you.
Mmm!
Oh, fuck! Motherfucker!
Oh.
They're definitely getting stronger, you know.
Mm-hmm.
Lasting a minimum now of 60 seconds every five to ten minutes.
Great. Thank you.
See you very soon.
That's fine.
- That's fine. - Yeah?
Yeah. Yeah.
- Hang on a second. Hang on. - Whoa.
Yeah, yeah, take a moment. Take a beat, take a beat.
Okay.
Ready?
Okay.
Here we go.
Sorry.
- Shit. I'm sorry. - I'm fine to walk. Honestly. Honestly.
- Fuck. I'm so sorry. - Honestly.
Fucking fuckface!
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Sorry. Sorry.
Oh, fuck!
I'm sorry. Okay, okay. You okay?
Yeah.
That's it. Well done. You're doing a great job.
Yes, you are.
Okay.
Well, good news is, Mum and Dad, the baby's heart rate is all good.
Mum, same goes for your BP and pulse.
Bad news, I'm afraid, Mum, is that you're still only two centimeters,
if that.
So, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to go back home again and wait.
I'm sorry.
You wanted to see me, Chef?
I did, yeah. Please.
Uh, actually, would you mind closing the door?
- Oh, yeah, no, sure. - Wait, sorry. No, no. Sorry.
- My fault. - Oh.
Chef, is this about the thing with the scallops?
What? No, no.
- Oh. - No.
Tell me something, Chef.
What... What do you know about the...
Do you need the room?
Afraid so.
What do you know about the Bocuse d'Or?
Um, I mean, it's like the...
the culinary Olympics.
There is no higher accolade.
Sorry, Chef. We are running low on celeriac.
Strictly between us, Chef,
and I mean that, not a word to another soul,
I, um...
I've been asked if I would like to compete this year,
to represent the UK, and I...
I'd like you to be my commis.
- What? - But listen.
Holy shit, Chef!
We have two heats to get through.
And you seriously really need to consider...
- Chef, I'm in! - Time. Time, Chef.
- You really need to think about time. - Chef, it's literally the easiest...
If we make it to the European heat,
that is three to four days a week minimum, training wise.
Make it to the final, that is five days a week.
- Five days, full-time. - Chef, I'm in.
- And there'll be no letup. - I'm in. 100%.
Let's get out of here.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I'm probably gonna have to wet-shave you back here.
It's looking a little furry.
Really?
Lovely.
There, that's the ticket.
I'm jealous. You realize that?
Jay Rayner just published a rave.
Okay.
- Okay. - Go on.
- You'll be fine. - All right, thanks. Bye.
Hi. How are you doing this evening?
Do you have a reservation with us?
Uh, yeah. Tobi... Tobias Durand. I don't...
Oh, my God. Mr. Weetabix.
This is so great.
How's the arm? Poor thing.
Oh.
- Yeah. - Well, listen.
We're so excited to have you with us this evening.
We're gonna make sure you have the time of your life.
I have you down as a table for two, correct?
Um, no.
Sorry, that's my fault.
Just me in the end.
Oh, don't apologize.
- Follow me. - Okay.
I'll let Chef know you're here.
- A little something to get you started. - Oh.
Weisswurst amuse-bouche,
aka Bavarian white sausage with a modern twist.
On top, we have for you a lemon mustard gel. Enjoy.
Thank you. Thank you.
- Hi. - Hi.
Marks out of ten for my tiny sausage?
It's ten.
I'm sorry to hear your wife couldn't make it.
- Is everything all right? - Um, we're actually not, um...
Well, I mean...
Technically speaking, we still are, but legally speaking...
we're also...
divorced.
Mmm.
The back of your neck is so smooth.
My dad shaved it for me.
Oh, is he some kind of barber?
- Architect. - Mmm.
Oh, how is the neck, by the way?
Yeah, it's, um, get... getting there.
I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of sleeping with an invalid before.
Um...
What?
I suppose I'm a bit, um, out of practice.
I'm also just suddenly aware I...
I don't... I don't have any kind of prophylactic on me.
Such low expectations.
Also, by the way, um...
my staff are desperate to know if you get free Weetabix.
Well...
I can confirm to you
that on occasion,
I do have access to complementary Weetabix, yeah.
- Morning. - Oh, uh...
Adrienne Duvall.
We worked together back in the day.
Oh.
I didn't realize you were, um...
Quite so competitive?
I probably ought to get going.
Why?
Who says?
I don't know.
Uh, you're right. I don't know why I said that.
I mean, unless you have shit to do, then...
I have nothing.
But if you,
I mean, have shit to do, then, you know...
I have nothing.
Can't eat them raw. That's my...
- I used to do that when I was a kid. - You're insane.
I used to eat...
- See if we can make it. - Does anyone make it past this?
And I reckon some toms.
Thank you.
- Hello. How are you doing? - Hi.
Right, tasting time.
Are you a cheese person?
- Mmm. - Mmm.
Mmm.
Do you like tapenade?
Okay, I'll... Thank you.
Can I get these, please? And do you want a coffee?
Sure, yeah.
- That's my job. - Is it?
I'm... I'm the powerful one.
I do like the chocolate chip ones.
Mashed potatoes are great when you're hungover. They're great for...
No, no, no.
Are you sure? Do you want me to... Hold on. You've got, like, one...
Thank you. That's what was in my eye.
Actually, that's not true.
A lot of it was decidedly unhappy.
We were starting to maybe think about children.
Then she got a position in Sweden, which was...
great for her.
So then we discussed it and then we tried it, me here, her there,
both of us going back and forth depending.
And then eventually, she just said, oh, she didn't want to do that anymore.
I'm sorry.
Adrienne really wanted us to start thinking about family.
What did... What did you want?
Um, I...
I guess there's a world where...
Kids aren't really my thing.
Come on.
I'm gonna make you the tastiest eggs of your life.
Right.
Do you know the best way to crack an egg?
Always on a flat surface.
What's the thinking behind the two bowls?
Practically speaking,
it's much easier to fish out a broken shell from the one egg
rather than fishing it out from eight eggs.
Mmm.
The versatility of the egg knows no bounds.
Oh.
You said something to me, um...
couple weeks ago.
You said... You said kids aren't really your thing.
That's fine. I mean, no.
Of course it... Of course it is. Just, um...
Truthfully, kids kind of might be, maybe, or...
are my thing.
And, um...
At least I think they might be, anyway.
And I... I hate...
Hate to even have to, um...
It's just diff... It's just different, isn't it?
You know, meeting someone at our age.
Whether we like it or not, the clock is ticking.
I'm sorry, but what the actual fuck are you even talking about right now?
Well...
It would seem to me preferable
to have a moderately awkward conversation right now
rather than a completely destructive one in five to ten years' time.
Firstly, I'm 34, not fifty-fucking-five,
so how about we ease the fuck up on...
on the whole biological clock bullshit thing?
And secondly,
I don't know. I'm, like, "Back the fuck off."
And calm the fuck down.
What... What... What's the rush?
Because I'm worried
that's there's a very distinct and real possibility
that I am about to fall in love with you.
I'm sorry.
I'm just not someone who's interested in making that kind of a promise.
And in fact, there's this little bit of me that thinks "fuck you" for even asking.
Hi.
How was work?
Uh...
Yeah.
- How was bedtime? - Yeah. It was fine.
We read Julian is a Mermaid.
A lot.
So...
You know, the day of your diagnosis...
you said something to me.
You said that you would rather have
six fucking fantastic months than 12...
Than 12 really shitty, passive ones.
Yeah, passive ones.
At that time, I was guilty of having
no coherent or cohesive response,
but what you said has really, really stayed with me.
And I now do have a response that I would like to share with you.
Okay.
Um...
I'm sorry.
"Although..."
- "Although in the past, you have..." - Mmm.
Um...
- What the... - It's all right.
Take your time.
- I'm nervous. - It's okay.
Um...
"Although..."
"Although in the past, you have, um..."
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - It's all right. Shall I...
I'm sorry.
Here.
Fuck it. Let's do it.
Yeah, let's do it.
- That too much? - Yes.
In for a heteronormative penny, in for a pound.
Pizza.
Uh, did anyone order a man as well as a pizza?
I'll take him.
I...
- Weetabix? - Hi.
- Oh. - Hi.
- Wow.
Welcome to my baby shower.
Apologies for the, um...
Interruption?
I saw you the o... the o... last week.
I was passing by the restaurant, um...
And it made me realize, well... two things.
First of which, I was still quite angry with you...
because although I might have been somewhat insensitive,
you were rude to me, which, yeah, a lot, hurt.
And the second thing,
I was guilty of focusing on the wrong, um...
thing, aspect.
Looking ahead instead of right...
in front of me, at you.
I knew he was gonna do that.
So are you gonna catch Mummy's hair?
- Perfect, yeah. Open your little box. - Yeah.
Aw, that felt like a good one.
- Oh, yeah. Nice and clean. - That sounded like...
- That's perfect! - That's it.
How much hair do you wanna keep, Mummy?
Yeah. Yeah, I got you.
- We're getting chunky now. - Yeah, just do it.
- We're getting chunky. - Oh, amazing.
Pat it down, Ells.
Good girl.
Hold that up there for me, darling. Thank you.
- Well done, girlie. - Oh.
- Mmm. Oh, lovely. - Really nice.
- Really nice? - Really nice.
Whoa, okay.
Wow. Wow.
Ooh, ooh.
- Aw. - Aw.
You look beautiful.
Doesn't she look so beautiful?
Always.
- Yes? - Happy?
Yes.
Anywhere from 200 to 600 seated guests,
access to over four acres of private gardens.
Wow.
Along with its own secure car-parking area.
- Marble flooring. - Wow.
Roman nobles.
Around about 120 guests,
expanding to around about 140 for your evening reception.
And the great hall is licensed for music and entertainment.
Hear that, Ells?
- Ooh. - Dancing.
Our conservatory is licensed for up to and including 160 guests...
for a seated dinner.
Or 200...
Touch his bum.
for a standing buffet.
Fairy lights, optional extra.
Have you seen the ceiling?
Though I should add that the use of drones is strictly prohibited.
This one's going to take 20 minutes, give or take,
then we'll flush out the system and get you started on number two.
- Okay, thank you. - Right.
- Give us a shout if you need anything. - Will do.
Chefs, how are we all doing?
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Technical bullshit.
Apologies, everyone, for the delay.
Good news is, audience is in, ready and raring.
So, uh, just a little heads-up from me.
Um, I'll kick things off with a little intro, little bit about me,
little bit about my role as Bocuse d'Or UK head coach.
Overview of the rules, what's up for grabs today,
place at the European semifinals, so on and so forth.
General frenzy-whipping excitement. Good.
Any questions? Excellent.
All right, Chefs. Onwards.
- Hello, you. - Hi! Hello.
- Good to see ya. - Yeah.
- Congrats on the star. - Same to you.
Yeah, well, I think I'm a little old hat at this point.
No.
This is Jade Khadim, my commis.
- And the real deal. - Hello, Jade.
Well, best of luck out there.
Excellent hair, by the way.
- Oh, thank you. - Yes.
Uh, just gonna pop to the loo.
Oh, fuck!
Chef!
Chef, they're ready for us.
It's fine, honestly. Honestly, I'm fine. I'm... I'm... I'm coming.
Chef, are you using?
What?
Chefs' circle of trust, Chef.
No.
No, I have stage three ovarian cancer.
Do you want to call time on the whole competing thing?
No, I do not.
Thank you.
Let's do it.
...that's okay. Is that all right?
- Yeah, it's fine. - That's brilliant. Great.
All right. Best of luck out there, everyone.
Hi.
Penny for your thoughts.
- Hi. Hi. - So...
I think I like this one, but I suspect I'm pretty easy either way.
Could I sleep on it?
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
What?
What's going on?
Tired.
Okay.
Mmm.
- Okay. Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.
Oh, don't forget your, um...
Waterproof.
- Hello. - It's us!
Hi!
Okay, I'm gonna buzz you up.
They're here.
All right.
- Mama! - Hello!
- I love that dress. - We're kind of matching.
- Sorry I haven't brought you anything. - It's okay. You brought me a baby.
Oh, sorry, babies. Babies want attention. Hi, hi.
Hi, loves. Come on in.
- Wow! - Thank you. Wow!
- It goes back so far. - I know, and I have a bath.
- And a double bed. - Ah, hi.
Go on.
You've never been here, have you? I've just realized.
- It's so cool. - Oh, my goodness.
- Look at the little... - Hi!
Sorry, didn't mean to, uh...
- Hi, I'm so sorry. - Hi.
- I'm Almut's sister, Leah. - I'm Reginald.
That's my dad, yeah.
- Lovely to meet you. - Reginald, it's a pleasure to meet you.
Likewise.
- Hi, I'm Almut's brother, Lucas. - Welcome, welcome.
It's not my home, but I'm welcoming everyone anyway.
- I'm the other brother, Ben. - Hi.
- Nice to meet you. - You too.
- Thanks for this. - Oh, pleasure.
Bea said we had to go to Salt Lake.
She said, "You'll love it," she says.
And so... And so we're there, and it's winter.
It's... It's snowing.
It's beautiful and, um,
we decide to visit the Tabernacle.
- I don't know if you know it. - Oh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm. - It's, um...
Well, I don't even know how late, and, uh, we've watched the sun go down.
And it's been the most...
You know, the most wonderful day of our entire fucking lives.
And I turned to her and I said... I say...
"Bea, don't know about you,
but I think this is how I'd like to spend the rest of my life."
No ring, nothing, just said it.
And what did she say?
"Don't be so fucking sentimental."
"I don't need a roomful of people and a piece of paper
to know I want to spend the rest of my life with you," she said.
- Yeah. Amen. - Yeah.
So when were you... when were you all in Salt Lake?
Um, 15 years ago. Give or take.
Business or pleasure?
What? What's going on?
I... I just happened to be in a competition that year, so...
Happened, just...
- Don't. - Competition? What sort of a competition?
It was, um...
I used to... I used to figure skate.
Um... ISU World Championships.
She was unbe-fucking-lievable.
I can't believe you haven't told these guys.
- It was. It was. Check it out. - No.
- Check it out. - You have to see this, Reginald.
- I'm speechless. - It's absolutely remarkable.
Here she goes. Here she goes.
- This is you? - Yeah, watch this.
Oh!
Oh, my goodness me.
Stop. Stop, stop. Please. I said no.
I said no.
- You should be proud. - Yeah, bloody marvelous.
Thanks, Mum.
Yeah.
Wine. Anyone for any wine?
You know it isn't even just you?
Like, honest to God, no one knows about it.
Thank you.
It was Dad who got me into skating.
I think he actually really wanted a sporty child and...
and I suppose I was his last chance.
And I guess
he was right to push me because it turned out I fucking loved it
and I was really good at it.
And in the beginning, he would drive me to Swindon literally every weekend.
Hmm.
And then when he was ill, when he was sick, I...
I wanted to help out and...
I took some time off from it.
And then...
After that,
skating without him around was just joyless.
So you just stopped?
I think it just really reminded me of him.
You okay?
- What? - I think I'm gonna be sick.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa. Okay.
I'm cautiously optimistic we're dealing with an infection.
But, listen, once the fluid is out, we're gonna run some tests,
and if we find anything, you'll be the first to know.
Okay.
In the meantime, I'd like to get you started with some antibiotics,
just to help with the pain.
- All right? - Mm-hmm.
- Okay? - Mm-hmm.
- Thank you. - Pleasure.
Tobias, I had a call from the hospital.
They called to see if I could come in, and so I did.
Speaking.
They said it wasn't an infection.
What is it?
I've made notes.
Um...
They are recommending
either a partial or a full-blown hysterectomy.
Your note-taking is incredibly thorough, by the way.
Every cloud...
- All right, so let me just check, I... - Mm-hmm.
Option one would be...
If we ever want to conceive naturally...
- Freeze embryos. - Mmm.
- Followed by... - Surgery.
So removing one ovary, not both.
- Followed by... - Chemo. Shit... Shit ton of chemo.
- Followed by... - Shagging.
Or, well, yeah, whatever. IVF.
Oh, I... I vote shagging, but okay.
Alternatively, option two.
Way more invasive, but way lower risk of relapse.
Ovaries and uterus, they take it.
They take it all.
Okay.
- I think... - Listen... Oh, sorry.
- No. Do you want... - No. No, you.
Okay.
I guess...
I think, unless you think I'm insane,
I think I am inclined to say that I would...
I would like to hang on to at least one of my...
fucking addled, cancer-ridden ovaries.
Because, well...
Just because I never, in a general sense, saw myself having kids...
doesn't mean that there isn't a world where I couldn't see myself, in time...
deciding to have them with you.
I'm in remission.
Oh.
We should do something to celebrate.
Come on! Come on!
- the throne or something. - What?
No.
That serves you right.
- Everything's great! - Everything's fine.
Hang on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
You're okay?
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Ooh.
Breathe in.
One second.
Oh, fuck me.
Feeling relaxed and calm.
Almut?
Al? Almut?
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
I'm gonna get a drink.
That is...
Yes, £20 with the fuel. Thank you. Cheers.
Thank you.
Hiya.
Oh, shit.
Sorry. Thank you.
- Hiya. - Hi, how are you?
Yeah, good, thank you. How you doing?
- Any fuel? - Uh, no, thank you.
Sorry.
Al?
Al? Al?
Sorry. One second. Sorry.
Al?
- Mm-hmm? - Hi. Everything okay?
Hmm. Kind of.
- What? - Um...
Well, you see, I thought...
- I thought I needed a poo. - Yeah.
- And, uh, now that I'm in here... - Yeah?
I think I might need to push.
No. No, no. No, no.
No! Okay?
Sorry, but you can't push.
If you let me in, I can... I can help.
We have biscuits now, Al. We have biscuits, okay?
- Okay. - Okay, come on. Let me in.
Oh, no, I can't.
What? Just un... unlock it and open it.
I can't. It's not happening. It's not working.
Wait.
Sorry. I'm sorry. My, um...
My partner is stuck in the, um... Do you have the... for the... The key for the...
- Yeah. - So sorry, uh...
Thank you.
- Hey, Jane, I'll just... - Okay, Al, we have the key.
Don't worry. It's okay. Sorry about this.
- No, it's fine. - Thank you very much.
Okay, just don't push, Al. Whatever you do, just don't...
Um, it's just... got broken off.
Um...
- So, Al? - Yeah?
- I'm gonna need you to stand back, okay? - What?
- Standing back away from the door. - Wait, wait, wait. Why?
- All the way back. Right the way back. - Why?
I'm so, so sorry. I think she might be about to give birth.
- Yeah, um... - Maybe...
I-I-I'm gonna get Jane 'cause she'll...
- Okay, get Jane. - Jane? Jane?
Jane, pregnant lady stuck in the khazi.
- Just bear with me. - Fine.
The key snapped in the...
- How many weeks? - Forty.
Huh. Mazel tov.
Okay.
Keep standing back, Al.
No, it's not. Nah.
Okay. Okay, Al, still standing back?
Okay?
- Hi. - I can't. I'm sorry.
- What do you mean, you can't? - Move. I can't. I'm sorry.
I can feel it.
- No. - Mmm.
- No, I know, but we can't. - Mmm.
We have to... We don't... Not... Not here.
- We don't... It's not... - Listen to me.
- It's not safe. - It's coming. It is. I can feel it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but... This is...
It's it. It's it. It's it.
Yeah, it seems like we have almost everything we need.
Except for a midwife.
Ooh. Ah. Ah.
Is that a push I hear there?
Yeah, I think this might be a push.
- Do you wanna push? - Yeah.
- Yes, she wants to push. - Yeah.
Watch your head. Watch your head.
Understood, yeah.
She... She... She can push.
Al, I'm gonna have to check again to see if I can see any body parts. Is that okay?
I'm not exactly in a position to say no, am I?
Okay.
- Yes, I can see the head. - Wait, what?
- What? Tobias? - Shh. Um... Sorry.
- Wait, no, I'm sorry. - Tobias?
Sorry, wait a minute.
- Okay, listen to me. You've got this. - A head?
Sorry. I'm gonna put you on speakerphone. Hold on one second. Can you...
Dig deep.
- Sorry. Can you say that last bit again? - Hello?
With each contraction, place the palm of your hand...
You're doing brilliantly.
against the vagina and apply firm but gentle pressure
- to keep baby's head... - To keep baby inside?
- No. - No, Christ!
- No, please do not do that. - No.
- You do not want to keep the baby inside. - Right.
You want to apply firm but gentle pressure
to keep baby's head from delivering too fast and tearing.
Sorry. Sorry. Understood, yes. Understood.
- Oh, my God. - Do you understand?
Yes, yes, got it now. Sorry.
How is Mum doing now?
How's Mum doing now?
Tell her it feels like a huge fucking lump between my legs.
She says it feels like she's got a lump between her legs.
- A huge fucking lump! - A huge fucking lump between her legs.
Yeah.
Is there anyone else there with you?
Yeah, we're actually... I'm sorry. I don't know their names.
- Uh, Sanjaya. - Sanjaya.
- Jane, hi. - Hi.
Could one of you do me a favor
and go and make sure the front door is unlocked and open?
It's a petrol station.
Yeah, it's a petrol station. You just walk straight in.
Ooh, I can feel it. I can feel it. The head, it's coming. It's coming.
Okay, here we go.
Here we go.
Whoa!
Lean into me. That's it.
There's a face! There's a face! There's a face!
I mean, a head. There's a head! It's great.
Head's out.
- Oh, my God! - You're amazing.
Yeah, she's doing great.
You're doing great. You're doing so fucking great!
Oh, my God!
All right, yes!
Got the shoulders. Shoulders are out.
That's it. Yes. That's it.
She's out.
- Yes, yes! You did it! - Oh, my God.
That's great. That's fantastic. Is baby crying, Dad? Is baby breathing?
Both.
- We did it! - Both.
- Wow! - We did it!
You are incredible.
What I need you to do now, is get a clean towel
and gently wipe and dry baby off, okay, Dad?
- Yeah. Yeah. - Nose and mouth first, all right?
She's gorgeous.
- Yeah, okay. - She's gorgeous.
- Can I see her? - Yeah, she's coming.
- Can you put that towel underneath? - Can I see her?
She's coming.
- Oh, my God. There she is. - Thank you so much.
- Hi. - That's your mummy.
That's your mummy.
I can hear her. You did say "her", didn't you, "she"?
Her. She. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Congratulations, Mum and Dad.
Now, I need you to make sure baby is wrapped in a towel, okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah. - Can you do that for me, Dad?
Without pulling the cord too tight,
I want you to put baby in Mum's arms, all right?
Al, Al, Al.
And I'm gonna need you to make sure that Mum and baby are kept warm, okay?
- Yeah. - Hi.
- I've got you. - Yeah.
Oh, my God. Hi!
Oh, she's beautiful!
Thanks, Jane.
Shh.
Dad, I've got some good news.
Ambulance should be with you any minute now, all right?
Okay.
In the meantime, contractions might start up again...
Do you want the... Yeah.
because Mum's got to deliver the placenta,
so I'm going to need you to try and keep her nice and calm and warm, okay?
Yeah. Okay, I can do that.
Yeah.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year...
- Happy New Year. - Happy New Year.
Not only have we been unable to shrink the tumor,
but in fact, the disease seems to have metastasized.
Which means, I'm afraid, we're still not in a position to operate.
But there are plenty of reasons to remain positive.
Other treatment options are still available.
Failure first time around has almost no bearing whatsoever
on the likelihood of second-line success.
It's fine. I'm fine.
I'm okay. It's okay, honestly.
Yeah.
It's okay not to be okay.
It's a lot.
You've been through a lot, both of you.
Oh, shit. Christ. Sorry.
Oh, my God. Are you sure?
Not exactly haute cuisine.
Thank you.
Oh. Thanks.
What did you go for?
Twix.
- Nice. - Yeah.
- What about you? - Bounty.
Oh, when in Rome.
Meant to ask, um...
I have a feeling my four o'clock is gonna overrun.
I don't suppose there's any chance you might be able to do pickup?
Um, only if you have the time.
- Definitely. - Thank you. That'd be great.
Pleasure.
Okay, so that is 15 minutes over.
Fuck.
Sixteen.
Fuck, fuck. It's fucked. Stop.
It's fucked. It's...
We're still far too fucking slow on the prep.
And this whole sous vide situation is fucking killing us!
All right. Easy.
- Let's take five. - No, I don't wanna take a break.
I don't wanna take five. I wanna go back to the start.
I need to look at the plans. I need to look at the timings.
I need to figure this shit the fuck out.
Sick of this shit!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Yeah, you're right. Let's take a break. Let's take five.
Right, what's next?
- Octopus? - Yep.
Where the hell were you?
- You said you were gonna do pickup. - I was in the restaurant.
- Oh, my God. - No.
You weren't in the restaurant 'cause I spoke to Skye.
She didn't know where the hell you were either.
Was everything okay with the... with the pickup?
No, not particularly.
Jesus.
I was this close to calling round A&E departments.
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
Um...
I'm in training for the Bocuse d'Or.
Hmm.
- Beg your pardon? - Not... Not the final.
Just the Euros.
We, um... We won the UK heat.
- How long? - Huh?
How long have you been prioritizing fucking cooking instead of getting better?
Uh, the UK heat was back in October,
and the, uh, Euro qualifiers are coming up soon.
Do... Did the hospital know? Did they, um...
Did you... Please.
Please. Please tell me that... that they, um... and that you...
What difference does it make if they know?
Oh, grow up, will you, Almut?
You have cancer.
You have cancer, Al.
No, you grow up, you fucking dick.
The difference this could make is...
It's vast.
Why? Why are you taking the risk?
- Isn't it obvious? - No, actually, it's not. Not to me.
I'm... I'm not exactly gonna get the chance again, am I?
What is that supposed to mean? In what reality...
It means I'm not particularly interested in dying with fuck all to show for it.
Oh, okay.
So we're not... we're not enough for you?
Is that... Is that what it is?
Award-winning-chef- cum-former-figure-skating nutcase...
No, now you're just being mean.
No, no, no. No, I'm not.
I'm... I'm honestly...
I'm trying to understand what it is that motivates an otherwise perfectly sane...
Of course you factor into my thinking, you fuck!
Okay, so, then, I don't understand.
I'm sorry, but I really... Honest to God, I don't.
Maybe... I mean, Jesus!
I mean, did it ever occur to you
that maybe I don't wanna just be someone's dead fucking mum?
I mean, at this point, nothing terrifies me more
than the thought of having her having nothing whatsoever to remember me by.
And it's like there's this... this bit of me
that is fucking desperate for her to know that I didn't just give up.
And wouldn't it be quite the thing
if maybe one day she decided to look back on this time,
she actually chose to look back on this entire godforsaken episode
and thought, "Wow, that's my mum"?
I don't...
I don't want my relationship with Ella to be solely defined by my decline.
Or maybe I actually just can't bear the thought of being forgotten.
I'm not sure which is worse.
Wanting us to remember your achievements is one thing.
Wanting us to somehow remember your achievements
that we have absolutely no fucking knowledge of...
Okay, I get it. I fucked up. I fucked up. Please stop.
Please. Please stop going on about it.
When is it?
The thing.
The European qualifying what... whatever.
June.
June the, um...
It's the 5th and 6th of June.
Oh, right.
I'm so sorry, Tobias.
I am.
Aerodynamic, innit?
Chef, I think I might be about to throw up.
Oh, shit. Um, do you... do you have a buck... Can I have a bucket?
Like a cup, or...
Okay, there you go.
Okay.
Grazie mille.
- Better? - Oui, Chef.
Sometimes, Chef, inside just wants out.
- Okay? - Yeah.
- Let's do it.
Please welcome the United Kingdom,
Almut Bruhl and Jade Khadim.
Come on, England! I can't hear you!
Contestants start with a plate presentation.
Please welcome Norway, Vigo Hansen and Soren Hansen.
Come on, you Brits!
There we go.
Here we go.
United Kingdom.
Start!
That's your mum.
- Go on, Team UK! - Team UK!
Come on, GB!
- Okay, let's get them out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, coming.
Here we go.
- Thank you. - Well done.
Good.
Let's go, Mum! Let's go, Almut!
Whoa.
Go, go, go...
Team United Kingdom, 30 seconds to finish.
Let's go! Let's go!
Ugh.
Keep going!
Twenty more seconds. Come on!
Ten, nine, eight...
Seven, six, five, four,
three, two, one.
Yes! All right!
- All right? Okay? - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
One, two, three.
- United Kingdom! - Well done.
She did it. She did it.
I did it.
Amazing.
I love you.
Chef?
I'll see you soon, Chef.
Please welcome...
Oh. Hi.
Come on.
Let's go.
Ready? And we're off.
Turning.
It's good.
Ooh.
Ooh!
- Okay. Watch Mummy. - Okay.
There she goes.
Bye, Mummy!
Mwah!
Okay.
Let's put them on the table, yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
'Cause it's egg time.
Hi, Belinda. Hi, Barry.
How's that look?
- Good? - Yeah. Yeah.
- In the basket. - Yep.
In the basket, please.
Check that one for me, please, egg-checker.
- How many eggs do you want, darling? - Five.
You can have as many as you want. Five is good.
- Yep. - Yep.
- Oh, yeah, check that. - Yep. Yep.
One, two, jump. What a jump!
Okay, do you remember the best way to crack an egg?
Always on a flat surface, yeah?
- Yeah. - And then in there.
That goes in there.
You want to try?
You got it. You got it. Open that a bit.
Ah, yeah, you did it.
Stop.
Perfect.
No shells.
There's no shells?
- Okay, so next... - Yeah?
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Bye-bye.