1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:02:43,510 --> 00:02:45,637 That's a big fella! Whoa! 3 00:03:13,625 --> 00:03:15,668 - Looks great. - Thank you. 4 00:03:16,002 --> 00:03:17,921 Happy vacation, honey. 5 00:03:19,339 --> 00:03:21,966 Manchurian tung oil! Where did you get this? 6 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:23,968 Helen got it for me in Oslo. 7 00:03:24,052 --> 00:03:27,805 There's enough here to do the whole table and the bureau. 8 00:03:30,266 --> 00:03:32,185 I wonder what this could be. 9 00:03:32,268 --> 00:03:34,646 Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you. 10 00:03:34,729 --> 00:03:36,940 Enough to do the entire guest room. 11 00:03:37,023 --> 00:03:39,400 I'm so glad we're spending our vacation at home. 12 00:03:39,484 --> 00:03:42,362 - I'm gonna get started now. - Where are you going? 13 00:03:46,407 --> 00:03:48,535 - I'll get it. - Be my guest. 14 00:03:53,248 --> 00:03:55,500 - Maybe you should get it. - I'll go. 15 00:04:01,881 --> 00:04:03,132 Oh, no! 16 00:04:09,056 --> 00:04:10,224 Jane. 17 00:04:12,268 --> 00:04:14,186 It's your turn, honey. 18 00:04:27,032 --> 00:04:29,160 - Good luck, honey. - Thanks. 19 00:04:31,370 --> 00:04:34,456 Hi, Barbara. I'm glad I caught you. Heard you were on vacation. 20 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:36,041 That's right. Complete vacation. 21 00:04:36,125 --> 00:04:37,918 Today I'm $260,000! 22 00:04:40,004 --> 00:04:42,965 - It's 6:45 in the morning. - This offer is real. 23 00:04:43,048 --> 00:04:46,468 From a man in New York City who only saw a photograph. 24 00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:49,305 Jane, don't send people photos of our house. 25 00:04:49,388 --> 00:04:53,642 He wants to bring the wife and family here for some peace and quiet. 26 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,519 That's what we're looking for. 27 00:04:55,603 --> 00:05:00,025 This house is too big for you. It ought to be for a couple with kids. 28 00:05:01,818 --> 00:05:05,155 I didn't mean anything. But this house is too big. 29 00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:09,075 - I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay? - Think about it. 30 00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,883 I was telling Barbara about this offer on the house... 31 00:05:24,966 --> 00:05:26,009 No, Jane. 32 00:05:33,975 --> 00:05:35,894 Come with me to the store. 33 00:05:35,977 --> 00:05:39,231 - What for? - I need a new brush for the tung oil. 34 00:05:39,689 --> 00:05:43,610 - And I want to get a part for the model. - Just run in, okay? 35 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:05,049 Two weeks at home. The perfect vacation. 36 00:06:05,591 --> 00:06:09,303 Jane says we should sell the house to someone with a family. 37 00:06:09,387 --> 00:06:12,348 I don't think it's any of Jane's business. 38 00:06:12,890 --> 00:06:15,977 Besides, we could try again on this vacation. 39 00:06:16,394 --> 00:06:18,479 Really? What are you saying? 40 00:06:35,705 --> 00:06:38,374 - How are you doing, Ernie? - Hi, how are you? 41 00:06:47,593 --> 00:06:48,802 Good morning, Adam. 42 00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:51,471 - Need a haircut before your vacation? - No, thanks, Bill. 43 00:06:51,555 --> 00:06:53,223 - How's the model coming? - Great. 44 00:06:53,307 --> 00:06:57,478 You know, Bozman built that foundation in 1835. His grandson... 45 00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:10,908 He's got hair down to his goddamn shoulders. 46 00:07:11,408 --> 00:07:14,203 He says to me, "Just trim it a little." 47 00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:17,915 - I took the scissors to him so fast... - See you later. 48 00:07:32,304 --> 00:07:35,974 - This will be great. - Wouldn't you rather go to Jamaica? 49 00:07:36,475 --> 00:07:39,771 - No way. There's no place like home. - Look out for that... 50 00:08:24,816 --> 00:08:27,152 Perfect start to our vacation. 51 00:08:27,318 --> 00:08:29,904 You'll feel better when you're dry. 52 00:08:31,866 --> 00:08:34,618 That fire wasn't burning when we left. 53 00:08:35,703 --> 00:08:38,998 - How's your arm? - I don't know. It feels frozen. 54 00:08:56,390 --> 00:08:59,185 I'll make some coffee and you get wood for the fire. 55 00:08:59,268 --> 00:09:02,062 Maybe we should take things extra slow. 56 00:09:02,146 --> 00:09:04,940 Do you remember how we got back up here? 57 00:09:06,859 --> 00:09:10,279 I'm going back to that bridge and retrace our steps. 58 00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:26,838 - You saved my... - Two hours! 59 00:09:26,922 --> 00:09:30,342 - You won't believe... What? - That's how long you were gone. 60 00:09:31,593 --> 00:09:34,429 - What is going on? - I have to show you something. 61 00:09:35,972 --> 00:09:37,140 Look. 62 00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:46,608 There's that. 63 00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:48,819 And there's that. 64 00:09:56,409 --> 00:09:59,704 - "Handbook for the Recently Diseased." - Deceased. 65 00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:03,625 Deceased. 66 00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:07,504 I don't know where it came from. Look at the publisher. 67 00:10:11,508 --> 00:10:14,469 "Handbook for the Recently Deceased Press." 68 00:10:14,970 --> 00:10:18,391 You know what? I don't think we survived the crash. 69 00:10:22,812 --> 00:10:24,230 I hate this. 70 00:10:24,313 --> 00:10:26,482 Can you give me the basics? 71 00:10:27,441 --> 00:10:30,444 This book isn't arranged that way. What do you want to know? 72 00:10:30,528 --> 00:10:33,948 Why did you disappear when you stepped off the porch? 73 00:10:34,031 --> 00:10:36,576 Are we halfway to heaven or halfway to hell? 74 00:10:36,659 --> 00:10:38,661 How long will this last? 75 00:10:38,744 --> 00:10:41,038 I don't see anything about heaven or hell. 76 00:10:41,122 --> 00:10:44,083 This book reads like stereo instructions. Listen. 77 00:10:44,167 --> 00:10:46,127 "Geographical and Temporal Perimeters. 78 00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:49,839 "Functional perimeters vary from manifestation to manifestation." 79 00:10:51,424 --> 00:10:53,634 This is going to take some time. 80 00:11:16,950 --> 00:11:19,745 Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh? 81 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,457 I better find a job. Let's see. Business section. 82 00:11:29,546 --> 00:11:32,174 What do we got here? The Maitlands. 83 00:11:34,176 --> 00:11:37,054 Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too. 84 00:11:44,269 --> 00:11:46,897 I wish I had a better view of the cemetery from here. 85 00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:49,983 I can't tell which is the best placement for us. 86 00:11:55,405 --> 00:11:56,865 Cabin fever? 87 00:11:57,282 --> 00:11:59,243 I can't clean anything properly. 88 00:11:59,326 --> 00:12:02,120 The vacuum's in the garage and we can't leave the house. 89 00:12:02,204 --> 00:12:05,750 Why don't they tell us something? Where are the other dead people? 90 00:12:05,834 --> 00:12:07,961 Why is it just you and me? 91 00:12:08,711 --> 00:12:10,588 Maybe this is heaven. 92 00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:14,050 In heaven there wouldn't be dust on everything. 93 00:12:22,684 --> 00:12:23,977 It's Jane. 94 00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:29,566 - What's she doing here? - I don't know. 95 00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:31,526 Jane, up here. Jane! 96 00:12:37,866 --> 00:12:39,951 She can't see you, right? 97 00:12:42,579 --> 00:12:46,541 In the book, rule number two: "The living usually won't see the dead." 98 00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:50,920 - Won't or can't? - It just says "won't." 99 00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:54,966 God, this book is so stupid! I can't understand anything in it. 100 00:12:56,259 --> 00:12:57,803 Barb, honey... 101 00:12:58,512 --> 00:13:00,055 ...we're dead. 102 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:03,684 I don't think we have much to worry about anymore. 103 00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:39,470 This is great! Just what the doctor ordered. 104 00:13:45,684 --> 00:13:47,186 Sorry, ma'am. 105 00:13:49,271 --> 00:13:51,399 Delia Deetz, welcome home. 106 00:13:52,859 --> 00:13:54,152 Charles! 107 00:13:54,653 --> 00:13:59,241 It's okay, there's no damage. See? Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship. 108 00:13:59,783 --> 00:14:03,912 Look at that kitchen. You'll finally be able to cook a decent meal. 109 00:14:06,790 --> 00:14:08,500 Come and have a look. 110 00:14:17,551 --> 00:14:20,554 A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem. 111 00:14:21,721 --> 00:14:23,723 Excuse me. Here we go. 112 00:14:34,985 --> 00:14:37,320 We'll have to rip out all the plumbing. 113 00:14:37,404 --> 00:14:40,532 Other than that, it's perfect. Just perfect. 114 00:14:41,658 --> 00:14:44,620 - What do you think, honey? - Delia hates it. 115 00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:49,750 I could live here. 116 00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:51,669 Careful! That's my sculpture. 117 00:14:51,752 --> 00:14:54,964 I don't mean "my" as in "I bought it." I mean I made it. 118 00:14:57,008 --> 00:14:58,843 Put it on the table. 119 00:15:07,185 --> 00:15:10,271 Ten minutes. I'm already perfectly at ease. 120 00:15:11,189 --> 00:15:12,607 It's perfect. 121 00:15:12,690 --> 00:15:13,858 Help! 122 00:15:14,775 --> 00:15:16,152 It's Otho. 123 00:15:16,694 --> 00:15:19,655 Otho, why don't you come in the front door? 124 00:15:20,031 --> 00:15:21,449 It's bad luck. 125 00:15:21,532 --> 00:15:24,452 You left the city for me. I am so happy. 126 00:15:24,827 --> 00:15:26,579 Of course you are. 127 00:15:29,248 --> 00:15:31,417 Let's get one thing straight. 128 00:15:31,501 --> 00:15:35,463 We're here to enjoy the country setting, not to trash the place! 129 00:15:35,546 --> 00:15:38,175 Charles, you're lucky the yuppies are buying condos... 130 00:15:38,258 --> 00:15:42,387 ...so you can afford what I'm going to have to do to this place. 131 00:15:42,679 --> 00:15:46,934 I'm here to relax and clip coupons, and, damn it, I mean to do it. 132 00:15:47,184 --> 00:15:49,811 Then go do it quietly, dear, and let Otho and me think. 133 00:15:49,895 --> 00:15:52,022 Is the rest of the house as bad as this? 134 00:15:52,105 --> 00:15:53,982 Is this a punishment? 135 00:15:55,192 --> 00:15:56,902 What are we going to do? 136 00:15:57,778 --> 00:16:00,113 We're not completely helpless. 137 00:16:00,405 --> 00:16:04,618 I've been reading that book and there's a word for people in our situation. 138 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,411 Ghosts! 139 00:16:07,788 --> 00:16:10,207 Let's get this show on the road. 140 00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:15,838 We're dealing with negative entertainment potential. 141 00:16:15,921 --> 00:16:18,757 There's absolutely no organic flow through. 142 00:16:18,841 --> 00:16:21,760 I noticed that, too. It's like a giant ant farm. 143 00:16:24,888 --> 00:16:27,391 - What? - I thought I saw something. 144 00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:40,697 You've read my mind. 145 00:16:41,364 --> 00:16:44,284 - I did? - So few clients are able to read my mind. 146 00:16:44,367 --> 00:16:46,953 They're not open to the experience. 147 00:16:55,086 --> 00:16:56,337 My God! 148 00:16:57,046 --> 00:17:01,176 We just have to pray the other closets are bigger than this one. 149 00:17:01,509 --> 00:17:02,677 Look! 150 00:17:03,678 --> 00:17:05,430 Ozzie and Harriet. 151 00:17:08,016 --> 00:17:09,767 - What happened to these people? - They died. 152 00:17:09,851 --> 00:17:11,936 Look, an indoor outhouse. 153 00:17:17,192 --> 00:17:20,361 - Viridian. - Viridian. Why do I know that name? 154 00:17:20,862 --> 00:17:22,280 Blue-green! 155 00:17:23,031 --> 00:17:25,034 Hydrated chromic oxide. 156 00:17:25,409 --> 00:17:28,913 Remember, I'm schooled in chemistry. I was a hair analyst. 157 00:17:28,996 --> 00:17:30,581 - What? - Briefly. 158 00:17:36,545 --> 00:17:38,672 Deliver me from L.L. Bean. 159 00:17:41,091 --> 00:17:44,720 I know what you two are up to and you're not going to get away with it! 160 00:17:44,803 --> 00:17:46,430 This is not working out. 161 00:17:46,514 --> 00:17:50,559 I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax. 162 00:17:51,185 --> 00:17:53,812 I'm here with you. I'll live with you in this hellhole. 163 00:17:53,896 --> 00:17:58,651 But I must express myself. If I can't gut this house and make it my own... 164 00:17:59,235 --> 00:18:02,321 ...I will go insane and I will take you with me! 165 00:18:04,532 --> 00:18:08,160 Yeah. Well, maybe the house could use a little remodeling. 166 00:18:08,244 --> 00:18:11,664 But why don't you just leave this room alone, okay? 167 00:18:12,998 --> 00:18:13,916 Okay. 168 00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:21,216 I'll get her. 169 00:18:22,050 --> 00:18:22,926 So? 170 00:18:23,009 --> 00:18:27,681 Once you cover the wallpaper, knock down a few walls, this place might be livable. 171 00:18:27,764 --> 00:18:30,559 - What's on the third floor? - Attic space. 172 00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:33,061 I forgot to lock the attic door. 173 00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:42,863 - Did you feel something? - When? 174 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,041 - You don't have a key? - Maybe Charles does. 175 00:18:55,208 --> 00:18:59,504 I have a feeling there's something very interesting behind this door. 176 00:18:59,588 --> 00:19:03,425 Yeah, the ghosts of the people who died in this house, and they want us out! 177 00:19:03,508 --> 00:19:05,427 Let's do them a favor. 178 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,322 My God, that was close! 179 00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:28,034 I cannot watch this. 180 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:31,746 What's the good of being a ghost if you can't frighten people away? 181 00:19:31,829 --> 00:19:34,457 - Honey? - No, I'm not putting up with this! 182 00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,386 - You don't know what's out there. - I don't care. 183 00:19:56,437 --> 00:19:57,730 Barbara! 184 00:19:58,314 --> 00:19:59,357 Adam! 185 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,528 Adam, help. I'm getting all yellow! 186 00:20:44,403 --> 00:20:47,364 We're trapped in this house with those people. 187 00:20:52,411 --> 00:20:56,248 I can't believe we're eating Cantonese. Is there no Szechwan up here? 188 00:20:56,331 --> 00:20:59,794 I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG in this food. 189 00:21:00,044 --> 00:21:04,924 This is our first meal in this house, so let's try to make it a pleasant one. 190 00:21:06,217 --> 00:21:08,219 Don't bait your mother. 191 00:21:08,469 --> 00:21:12,098 When we get settled, we'll build you a darkroom in the basement. 192 00:21:12,473 --> 00:21:14,726 My whole life is a darkroom. 193 00:21:15,476 --> 00:21:17,228 One big dark room. 194 00:21:19,147 --> 00:21:23,902 You were miserable in New York City, and you'll be miserable in the sticks. 195 00:21:24,027 --> 00:21:25,904 At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved. 196 00:21:25,987 --> 00:21:30,617 I'm happy here. Those people in New York don't know what they're missing. 197 00:21:35,038 --> 00:21:37,790 We could become The Summer Art Center of New York. 198 00:21:37,874 --> 00:21:40,752 I could start sculpting again. I'm only truly happy when I'm sculpting. 199 00:21:40,835 --> 00:21:44,506 That's a very good idea. That'll be very time-consuming. 200 00:21:45,048 --> 00:21:47,383 First the house. Otho and I have great plans. 201 00:21:47,467 --> 00:21:49,469 We should keep it the way it is. 202 00:21:49,552 --> 00:21:50,929 Good idea. 203 00:21:56,101 --> 00:21:59,480 The furniture truck is coming. We must decide what goes and what stays. 204 00:21:59,563 --> 00:22:02,566 Everything goes, along with whatever's in the attic. 205 00:22:20,209 --> 00:22:21,502 Careful. 206 00:22:21,752 --> 00:22:25,506 Tell me what you do and I'll tell you why my husband will fire you. 207 00:22:26,924 --> 00:22:29,510 - Isn't there an index? - No, nothing. 208 00:22:31,762 --> 00:22:33,222 What's this? 209 00:22:39,270 --> 00:22:42,064 Do you know where that's going? Did anyone tell you where... 210 00:22:42,147 --> 00:22:45,026 Why are there only three sculptures? There were four sculptures. 211 00:22:45,110 --> 00:22:47,279 Where's the fourth sculpture? 212 00:22:47,362 --> 00:22:49,156 What are you doing? 213 00:22:54,536 --> 00:22:57,873 "Betelgeuse, the bio-exorcist. Troubled by the living? 214 00:22:57,956 --> 00:23:00,500 "Is death a problem and not the solution? Unhappy with eternity? 215 00:23:00,584 --> 00:23:03,753 "Having difficulty adjusting? Call Betelgeuse." 216 00:23:07,132 --> 00:23:09,342 There's no number or instructions? 217 00:23:09,426 --> 00:23:12,512 Nothing. The "bio-exorcist." I don't get it. 218 00:23:16,975 --> 00:23:18,518 Straight back. 219 00:23:20,729 --> 00:23:23,732 Why don't you take a break for half an hour? 220 00:23:44,587 --> 00:23:46,088 Put that down! 221 00:23:46,172 --> 00:23:48,049 What the hell are you doing? 222 00:23:48,132 --> 00:23:50,009 - Listen to me! - Jesus! 223 00:23:51,677 --> 00:23:55,097 Why are you doing this to me? This is my art and it is dangerous. 224 00:23:55,181 --> 00:23:57,517 Do you think I want to die like this? 225 00:24:12,031 --> 00:24:13,741 Hi. How are you? 226 00:24:22,708 --> 00:24:24,752 That little girl saw us. 227 00:24:25,253 --> 00:24:27,672 - Nobody can see us. - But she did. 228 00:24:30,216 --> 00:24:32,970 - What happened to the previous owners? - They drowned. 229 00:24:33,053 --> 00:24:35,973 Yes, they were family. I was devastated. 230 00:24:36,098 --> 00:24:38,475 - Here, take that. - Is this the key to the attic? 231 00:24:38,559 --> 00:24:42,646 That's a skeleton key that will open any door. Give that to your father. 232 00:24:43,230 --> 00:24:46,859 You might mention I single-handedly decorated that house. 233 00:24:46,942 --> 00:24:50,737 If he needs any advice in that arena have him come see me. 234 00:25:11,300 --> 00:25:13,385 Don't worry. I locked the door. 235 00:25:31,112 --> 00:25:35,408 Having trouble with the living? Tired of having your home violated? 236 00:25:35,492 --> 00:25:37,410 Want to get rid of them pesky living critters? 237 00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:41,456 Well, come on down and see me, the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist. 238 00:25:41,539 --> 00:25:44,959 Yes, sirree! I want to tell you, I'll do anything! 239 00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:51,716 I'll scare 'em real bad. I'll do anything to get your business. 240 00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:54,677 Hell! I'll possess myself if I gotta! 241 00:25:55,136 --> 00:25:58,056 Yo! I got demons runnin' all through me. 242 00:25:58,681 --> 00:26:00,642 Come on down and see it. 243 00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:03,937 If you act now, you get a free demon possession with every exorcism. 244 00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:05,980 You can't beat that, can you? 245 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:10,944 Bring the little partners. We've got plenty of snakes for them to play with. 246 00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:15,615 Say it once, say it twice, third time's a charm. And remember... 247 00:26:15,698 --> 00:26:19,119 "I'll eat anything you want me to eat. Swallow anything you want me to swallow. 248 00:26:19,203 --> 00:26:21,831 "So, come on down, I'll chew on the dog." 249 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:54,697 We need some help. I read something in this book about emergencies. 250 00:26:55,531 --> 00:26:58,784 Here it is. "In case of emergency, draw a door." 251 00:27:03,664 --> 00:27:07,585 "Draw a door"? I don't know why we keep looking in that stupid book. 252 00:27:10,337 --> 00:27:12,966 Maybe we should try that Beetle guy. 253 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,526 You didn't actually think that would work, did you? 254 00:27:34,196 --> 00:27:35,947 "Knock three times." 255 00:28:38,261 --> 00:28:39,554 Birdies! 256 00:28:48,354 --> 00:28:49,605 Get it! 257 00:28:50,439 --> 00:28:51,482 Dad? 258 00:28:51,899 --> 00:28:55,152 - Can't you see I'm relaxing? - I want to tell you what I saw. 259 00:28:55,236 --> 00:28:58,991 What is the point of my coming here if you people won't let me relax? 260 00:28:59,074 --> 00:29:00,993 Pumpkin, sweetheart... 261 00:29:02,119 --> 00:29:04,079 ...go help your mother. 262 00:29:04,163 --> 00:29:07,207 Maybe you can relax in a haunted house, but I can't. 263 00:29:12,588 --> 00:29:14,381 Hmm, nice building. 264 00:29:14,506 --> 00:29:16,550 Bad roof. Good parking. 265 00:29:48,457 --> 00:29:50,459 - Adam? - This way, honey. 266 00:30:02,805 --> 00:30:04,807 You don't have an appointment. 267 00:30:04,891 --> 00:30:07,101 - We didn't know how to make one. - Appointment for what? 268 00:30:07,185 --> 00:30:09,187 - What do you want? - Help? 269 00:30:09,270 --> 00:30:13,233 Already? Just bit the big one two months ago and you want help. 270 00:30:13,316 --> 00:30:15,568 What does that have to do with anything? 271 00:30:15,652 --> 00:30:18,780 You'll use up all your help vouchers: D-90s. 272 00:30:19,531 --> 00:30:22,617 You spend 125 years on earth in that house... 273 00:30:23,117 --> 00:30:27,413 ...during which you get only three class-one D-90 intercessions with Juno. 274 00:30:27,497 --> 00:30:30,416 You probably haven't read through the manual completely yet. 275 00:30:30,500 --> 00:30:33,461 You'll have to wait if you don't have an appointment. 276 00:30:33,545 --> 00:30:37,131 - An appointment with whom? - For Juno, your caseworker. 277 00:30:41,219 --> 00:30:43,513 Number 54,000,601. Ferndock! 278 00:31:50,415 --> 00:31:52,918 - Want a cigarette? - No, thank you. 279 00:31:54,211 --> 00:31:56,505 I'm trying to cut down myself. 280 00:32:13,688 --> 00:32:16,566 Adam, is this what happens when you die? 281 00:32:17,526 --> 00:32:19,778 This is what happens when you die. 282 00:32:19,861 --> 00:32:23,114 That is what happens when he dies. And that is what happens when they die. 283 00:32:23,198 --> 00:32:26,243 It's all very personal. I'll tell you something. 284 00:32:26,326 --> 00:32:30,497 If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had my little accident. 285 00:32:36,170 --> 00:32:38,089 Maitland. Party of two. 286 00:32:38,172 --> 00:32:40,758 Take the handbook and go to the sixth door. 287 00:32:40,842 --> 00:32:43,010 Oh, we forgot our handbook. 288 00:32:47,348 --> 00:32:48,349 Come on. 289 00:32:54,188 --> 00:32:57,733 All new arrivals, report to waiting room number eight. 290 00:33:00,236 --> 00:33:02,947 Flight 409 is arriving at gate three. 291 00:33:04,073 --> 00:33:06,617 How do I look? There are no mirrors on this side. 292 00:33:06,701 --> 00:33:08,578 - You look fine. - Fine. 293 00:33:09,036 --> 00:33:11,664 Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat. 294 00:33:16,335 --> 00:33:19,338 Will the Peterson party report to door number nine. 295 00:33:20,882 --> 00:33:23,801 Peterson party, please report to door number nine. 296 00:33:25,344 --> 00:33:28,473 All new arrivals, report to waiting room number eight. 297 00:33:35,105 --> 00:33:37,608 125 years. I can't believe this. 298 00:33:38,317 --> 00:33:40,569 I can't believe they didn't tell us. 299 00:33:43,447 --> 00:33:45,449 Oh, Adam, what is this? 300 00:33:49,786 --> 00:33:52,039 That's the Lost Souls' Room. 301 00:33:52,706 --> 00:33:55,501 A room for ghosts that have been exorcised. 302 00:33:56,627 --> 00:33:58,086 Poor devils. 303 00:33:58,295 --> 00:34:00,422 That's death for the dead. 304 00:34:01,632 --> 00:34:03,717 It's all in the handbook. 305 00:34:03,926 --> 00:34:05,385 Keep moving. 306 00:34:10,182 --> 00:34:11,350 Five. 307 00:34:12,935 --> 00:34:14,937 This is the sixth door. 308 00:34:21,819 --> 00:34:24,948 Boy, this place just gets weirder and weirder. 309 00:34:36,042 --> 00:34:37,460 We're home! 310 00:34:38,419 --> 00:34:41,506 Look at this place! Everything's different. 311 00:34:43,383 --> 00:34:45,468 All our furniture's gone. 312 00:34:46,135 --> 00:34:48,763 How long do you suppose we were waiting there? 313 00:34:48,847 --> 00:34:50,348 Three months. 314 00:34:51,516 --> 00:34:54,519 I'd almost given up on you. I was about to leave. 315 00:34:54,602 --> 00:34:56,646 I do have other clients. 316 00:34:57,188 --> 00:34:59,774 - Are you Juno, our caseworker? - Yes. 317 00:34:59,858 --> 00:35:02,944 I evaluate individual cases and determine... 318 00:35:03,194 --> 00:35:06,322 ...if help is needed, deserved and available. 319 00:35:06,531 --> 00:35:07,490 Are you available? 320 00:35:07,574 --> 00:35:08,616 No. 321 00:35:09,826 --> 00:35:12,371 - What's wrong? - We're very unhappy. 322 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,499 What did you expect? You're dead! 323 00:35:15,583 --> 00:35:19,837 We want to get rid of the people here. We worked hard on this house. 324 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,923 We probably wouldn't mind sharing the house with people who were... 325 00:35:23,007 --> 00:35:25,384 - More like you used to be. - Yes. 326 00:35:25,551 --> 00:35:27,178 But these people! 327 00:35:29,221 --> 00:35:31,223 Things seem quiet here. 328 00:35:32,349 --> 00:35:35,436 You should thank God you didn't die in Italy. 329 00:35:35,895 --> 00:35:37,313 The Deetzes. 330 00:35:37,479 --> 00:35:40,608 - Have you been studying the manual? - We tried. 331 00:35:41,567 --> 00:35:45,404 The intermediate interface chapter on haunting says it all. 332 00:35:45,571 --> 00:35:48,532 Get them out yourselves! It's your house. 333 00:35:49,700 --> 00:35:52,453 Haunted houses aren't easy to come by. 334 00:35:52,536 --> 00:35:54,955 - We don't quite get it. - I heard. 335 00:35:55,039 --> 00:35:56,874 Tore your faces off. 336 00:35:57,041 --> 00:36:01,170 It's useless to pull off your heads in front of people who can't see you. 337 00:36:01,253 --> 00:36:03,672 - We should start simply? - Start simply. 338 00:36:03,756 --> 00:36:06,676 Do what you know. Use your talents. Practice. 339 00:36:08,470 --> 00:36:12,265 You should have been studying those lessons since day one. 340 00:36:14,392 --> 00:36:15,977 I've got to go. 341 00:36:16,102 --> 00:36:18,605 What about that guy in the flyer, Betel... 342 00:36:19,898 --> 00:36:23,193 Don't even say his name. You don't want his help. 343 00:36:24,319 --> 00:36:25,237 We might. 344 00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,615 No, you don't. He does not work well with others. 345 00:36:30,158 --> 00:36:31,868 What do you mean? 346 00:36:36,039 --> 00:36:37,999 I didn't want to bring it up. 347 00:36:38,083 --> 00:36:42,045 But rather than have you make another mistake, I'll tell you. 348 00:36:43,255 --> 00:36:45,090 He was my assistant. 349 00:36:45,507 --> 00:36:48,677 But he was a troublemaker. He went out on his own... 350 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,137 ...as a freelance bio-exorcist. 351 00:36:52,138 --> 00:36:56,101 Claimed he could get rid of the living. Got into more trouble. 352 00:37:00,064 --> 00:37:03,818 I believe he's been sleazing around your cemetery lately. 353 00:37:05,778 --> 00:37:08,531 The only way he can be brought back... 354 00:37:08,698 --> 00:37:11,450 ...is by calling his name three times. 355 00:37:12,451 --> 00:37:14,537 But I strongly suggest... 356 00:37:14,954 --> 00:37:17,790 ...that you remove the Deetzes yourselves. 357 00:37:18,499 --> 00:37:19,876 How do we contact you... 358 00:37:19,959 --> 00:37:22,003 ...if we need you again? 359 00:37:31,804 --> 00:37:34,515 Oh, Adam, that guy's in our cemetery. 360 00:37:35,224 --> 00:37:38,853 She's right. We just keep this simple. We can do this. 361 00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:04,755 Hey, you, come here! 362 00:38:05,547 --> 00:38:06,798 Hungry? 363 00:38:07,549 --> 00:38:09,635 Come on. Hey, come here. 364 00:38:10,886 --> 00:38:13,847 I got something good for you. Come on over. 365 00:38:13,931 --> 00:38:16,808 We'll have a little bite, something to nosh. 366 00:38:18,268 --> 00:38:20,103 - Come here! - Help me! 367 00:38:24,900 --> 00:38:29,196 Maxie, haven't I always made you money? That's the only real question. 368 00:38:29,279 --> 00:38:33,784 Nobody made me money like you. You were a demon until your nerves went. 369 00:38:34,201 --> 00:38:35,911 It's just that... 370 00:38:36,537 --> 00:38:39,873 ...Winter River, Connecticut is, if you'll forgive me, nowhere. 371 00:38:39,957 --> 00:38:43,126 Why would I want to invest that kind of money in an old building... 372 00:38:43,210 --> 00:38:46,881 ...way the hell up there! - It's not a building. That's the beauty. 373 00:38:46,965 --> 00:38:50,927 The people don't know the value of their property. I can buy the whole town. 374 00:38:51,010 --> 00:38:53,888 Then we own a whole town in the middle of nowhere. 375 00:38:54,347 --> 00:38:55,849 Come and see. 376 00:38:55,974 --> 00:38:57,642 And bring Sarah. 377 00:38:58,393 --> 00:39:02,063 All right, Charles. It's just that I am kind of busy here. 378 00:39:02,146 --> 00:39:03,690 Just a minute. 379 00:39:04,858 --> 00:39:08,111 Listen. Enough of this talk about visiting, okay? I gotta go. 380 00:39:08,194 --> 00:39:10,780 You take it easy up there, big fellow. 381 00:39:10,864 --> 00:39:13,032 - Good-bye. - Max, wait, wait. 382 00:39:17,996 --> 00:39:18,913 Putz. 383 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:43,647 Lydia, is Connecticut so boring? I had Maxie Dean on the phone. 384 00:39:43,939 --> 00:39:47,776 Dad's found a way of making money while I relax, so would you scram? 385 00:39:49,737 --> 00:39:53,782 Your mother will kill you when she sees you cut holes in her $300 sheets. 386 00:39:56,702 --> 00:40:00,206 This is so corny. Is this what we've been reduced to? Sheets? 387 00:40:00,289 --> 00:40:02,208 Think of them as death shrouds. 388 00:40:02,291 --> 00:40:04,835 And the moaning is important. Really moan! 389 00:40:23,187 --> 00:40:25,689 God, how can he stand that woman? 390 00:40:32,279 --> 00:40:35,242 Cut it out! I'm a child, for God's sakes. 391 00:40:43,792 --> 00:40:47,212 - I feel so stupid. - It's not stupid. We're ghosts! 392 00:40:47,796 --> 00:40:51,007 Do you want to spend the next 125 years having breakfast with this woman? 393 00:40:51,091 --> 00:40:52,551 Moan louder. 394 00:41:00,934 --> 00:41:02,227 Oh, God! 395 00:41:10,277 --> 00:41:12,362 Sick. Sexual perversion. 396 00:41:12,612 --> 00:41:15,782 Do that weird sexual stuff in your own bedroom. 397 00:41:21,997 --> 00:41:23,456 Ah, no feet. 398 00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:38,431 Are you the guys hiding in the attic? 399 00:41:38,514 --> 00:41:40,016 We're ghosts! 400 00:41:41,517 --> 00:41:44,312 - What do you look like under there? - Aren't you scared? 401 00:41:44,395 --> 00:41:47,690 I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? 402 00:41:47,773 --> 00:41:50,401 Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? 403 00:41:50,484 --> 00:41:52,820 Like all bloody veins and pus? 404 00:41:52,904 --> 00:41:56,073 - "Night of the," what? - "Living Dead." It's a movie. 405 00:41:56,157 --> 00:41:59,285 If I had seen a ghost at your age, I would have been scared out of my wits. 406 00:41:59,368 --> 00:42:02,455 You're not gross. Why are you wearing sheets? 407 00:42:03,206 --> 00:42:04,832 We're practicing. 408 00:42:04,916 --> 00:42:08,669 - You can see us without the sheets? - Of course I can see you. 409 00:42:08,753 --> 00:42:11,172 How can you see us and nobody else can? 410 00:42:12,507 --> 00:42:16,093 I read through that Handbook for the Recently Deceased. 411 00:42:16,177 --> 00:42:19,765 It says, "Live people ignore the strange and unusual." 412 00:42:21,642 --> 00:42:24,061 I myself am strange and unusual. 413 00:42:25,938 --> 00:42:27,606 You look normal. 414 00:42:29,066 --> 00:42:31,109 - You read our book? - Yes. 415 00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:34,404 - You could follow it? - Yes. Why were you in Delia's bedroom? 416 00:42:34,488 --> 00:42:37,032 - Trying to scare your mother. - Stepmother. 417 00:42:37,199 --> 00:42:40,827 You can't scare her. She's sleeping with Prince Valium. 418 00:42:44,122 --> 00:42:45,541 You did this? 419 00:42:45,624 --> 00:42:48,210 You carved these houses and things? 420 00:42:49,670 --> 00:42:52,047 And this used to be your house. 421 00:42:52,506 --> 00:42:54,716 Why do you want to scare everybody? 422 00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,719 We wanted to frighten you so you would move out. 423 00:42:59,596 --> 00:43:01,640 You don't know the Deetzes. 424 00:43:01,723 --> 00:43:05,686 My father bought this place. He never walks away from equity. 425 00:43:05,811 --> 00:43:09,565 - Why don't you leave? - We haven't left since the funeral. 426 00:43:10,858 --> 00:43:12,150 Funeral! 427 00:43:12,693 --> 00:43:15,071 God! You guys really are dead. 428 00:43:17,907 --> 00:43:19,576 This is amazing. 429 00:43:21,494 --> 00:43:23,037 - I better go. - Wait. 430 00:43:23,121 --> 00:43:27,709 - Don't tell your parents we're here. - Unless it will frighten them away. 431 00:43:27,834 --> 00:43:30,086 Tell them we are horrible... 432 00:43:30,295 --> 00:43:32,589 ...desperate, ghoulish creatures who will stop at nothing... 433 00:43:32,672 --> 00:43:34,757 ...to get our house back. 434 00:43:37,051 --> 00:43:41,306 What if this is a dream? Can you do any tricks to prove I'm not dreaming? 435 00:43:45,935 --> 00:43:50,273 If you are real ghosts, you better get another routine because those sheets... 436 00:43:50,356 --> 00:43:52,150 ...they don't work. 437 00:44:01,701 --> 00:44:02,952 Ghosts. 438 00:44:03,036 --> 00:44:05,580 You're telling me we have ghosts in this house. 439 00:44:05,663 --> 00:44:07,958 Those pictures are of ghosts. 440 00:44:08,292 --> 00:44:09,543 Ghosts! 441 00:44:10,169 --> 00:44:13,923 Lydia, I am giving a dinner party tonight for seven people. 442 00:44:14,006 --> 00:44:17,551 My agent, Bernard, is bringing a woman who writes for Art in America. 443 00:44:17,635 --> 00:44:21,430 In fact, no one dining here has not been in Vanity Fair except you. 444 00:44:22,056 --> 00:44:24,058 I told them you were too mean to be afraid. 445 00:44:24,141 --> 00:44:26,185 Don't you dare speak to others about me! 446 00:44:26,268 --> 00:44:30,356 Being embarrassed in front of the few people who will set foot in here scares me. 447 00:44:30,439 --> 00:44:32,816 So let's play family just for tonight. 448 00:44:38,614 --> 00:44:40,783 Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her. 449 00:44:40,866 --> 00:44:42,576 She's got photos. 450 00:44:43,285 --> 00:44:45,829 Adam, you have a photo of Bigfoot. 451 00:44:46,497 --> 00:44:49,416 My photo of Bigfoot is a different story. 452 00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:54,296 We've got to get some help. We've got to contact Betelmeyer or something. 453 00:45:08,019 --> 00:45:09,187 Look. 454 00:45:13,483 --> 00:45:15,360 It's him. Betelgeuse. 455 00:45:17,487 --> 00:45:18,655 Betelgeuse. 456 00:45:20,657 --> 00:45:22,659 Go ahead, Barbara, say it. 457 00:45:23,785 --> 00:45:25,203 Betelgeuse! 458 00:45:29,332 --> 00:45:30,876 What happened? 459 00:45:32,002 --> 00:45:34,171 I think we're in the model. 460 00:45:37,632 --> 00:45:39,134 Look at that. 461 00:46:02,325 --> 00:46:04,243 Where is he? What do we do? 462 00:46:08,456 --> 00:46:10,208 Looks like we dig. 463 00:46:40,738 --> 00:46:42,406 It's about time! 464 00:46:50,874 --> 00:46:54,127 - I say we open it. - Maybe we should knock first. 465 00:47:12,062 --> 00:47:13,522 Adam. Babs. 466 00:47:21,530 --> 00:47:25,826 You can pick 'em! Is this a solid relationship? Do I have a shot? 467 00:47:26,034 --> 00:47:29,037 - Excuse me. - Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds? 468 00:47:29,121 --> 00:47:33,584 It's beautiful! You picked me. You didn't have to, but you picked me. 469 00:47:33,834 --> 00:47:36,753 It makes me want to kiss you guys! Come on, give me one. 470 00:47:36,837 --> 00:47:38,589 I beg your pardon! 471 00:47:38,922 --> 00:47:40,842 Let's get down to business. 472 00:47:40,925 --> 00:47:43,678 I've got a card here somewhere. Here. Who do I have to kill? 473 00:47:43,761 --> 00:47:45,805 - Hold that for me. - Whoa! 474 00:47:47,056 --> 00:47:49,434 - There you go. - You don't have to kill anybody! 475 00:47:49,517 --> 00:47:54,272 Possession! Learn to throw your voice. Fool your friends. Fun at parties. 476 00:47:54,355 --> 00:47:57,775 No. We just want to get some people out of our house. 477 00:47:57,859 --> 00:48:02,030 I understand. In order to do that, I'll have to get to know you. 478 00:48:02,322 --> 00:48:04,949 We've got to get closer. Move in with you for a while. 479 00:48:05,033 --> 00:48:08,161 Get to be real pals. You know what I'm saying? 480 00:48:08,328 --> 00:48:10,246 Save that guy for later. 481 00:48:10,330 --> 00:48:12,624 My wife and I have some questions. 482 00:48:12,707 --> 00:48:14,709 Sure, go ahead. Shoot. 483 00:48:15,001 --> 00:48:17,045 What are your qualifications? 484 00:48:17,128 --> 00:48:21,049 Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of Harvard Business School. 485 00:48:21,132 --> 00:48:24,677 I travel extensively. I lived through the Black Plague. 486 00:48:24,761 --> 00:48:27,639 I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times... 487 00:48:27,722 --> 00:48:31,184 ...and it keeps getting funnier every time I see it! 488 00:48:31,559 --> 00:48:34,188 Not to mention the fact that you're talking to a dead guy! 489 00:48:34,271 --> 00:48:37,441 Now what do you think? You think I'm qualified? 490 00:48:38,526 --> 00:48:40,236 Can you be scary? 491 00:48:40,528 --> 00:48:43,864 Oh! I know what you're asking me. Can I be scary? 492 00:48:45,824 --> 00:48:47,952 What do you think of this? 493 00:48:48,369 --> 00:48:49,828 You like it? 494 00:48:50,913 --> 00:48:54,416 - Will you excuse us, please? - Sure. Talk amongst yourselves. 495 00:48:54,500 --> 00:48:57,670 - Let's go. - I know, but he can be useful later. 496 00:48:57,878 --> 00:49:00,881 - We can work something ourselves. - Oh, yeah! 497 00:49:01,924 --> 00:49:03,634 - Excuse me! - What? 498 00:49:03,759 --> 00:49:05,553 We are leaving now. 499 00:49:05,761 --> 00:49:07,263 Don't go yet. 500 00:49:07,930 --> 00:49:12,101 Come on, we're simpatico. Look at us. We shop at the same store. 501 00:49:12,935 --> 00:49:14,436 Hey, hermano. 502 00:49:14,937 --> 00:49:16,730 Yeah, there you go. 503 00:49:18,524 --> 00:49:20,609 We're like peas in a pod. 504 00:49:20,943 --> 00:49:25,197 You want someone out of the house. I want to get someone out of your house. 505 00:49:25,281 --> 00:49:28,618 Look! You've been to Saturn. I've been to Saturn! 506 00:49:28,952 --> 00:49:30,662 Whoa. Sandworms. 507 00:49:31,496 --> 00:49:34,374 You hate 'em, right? I hate 'em myself. 508 00:49:34,791 --> 00:49:38,461 Kids, what do I have to do to strike a deal with you two? 509 00:49:45,969 --> 00:49:48,889 - Don't you hate it when that happens? - Let's go, Barbara! 510 00:49:48,972 --> 00:49:52,267 Come up for a while. We'll talk inside. Come on. 511 00:49:52,434 --> 00:49:54,686 - I'm not staying. - The place is a mess. 512 00:49:54,769 --> 00:49:56,938 We have to get out of here. 513 00:49:57,439 --> 00:49:58,940 Home! Home! Home! 514 00:50:00,734 --> 00:50:02,152 How did you do that? 515 00:50:02,235 --> 00:50:04,154 Hope you like Italian. 516 00:50:04,529 --> 00:50:07,240 Where'd you go? Hey, where'd you go? 517 00:50:07,407 --> 00:50:09,910 Hey! You've got to work with me here. 518 00:50:09,993 --> 00:50:12,537 I'm just trying to cut a deal. What do you want me to do? 519 00:50:12,621 --> 00:50:14,164 Where are you? 520 00:50:14,456 --> 00:50:16,291 You bunch of losers! 521 00:50:17,042 --> 00:50:19,920 You're working with a professional here! 522 00:50:24,175 --> 00:50:25,968 Nice fucking model! 523 00:50:26,469 --> 00:50:28,888 We can do this stuff on our own. 524 00:50:29,138 --> 00:50:32,350 Besides, I'm not exposing that little girl to that pervert. 525 00:50:32,433 --> 00:50:35,436 We did call him, and he seemed awfully pissed off. 526 00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:40,399 I don't care. I've changed my mind. We can scare them off ourselves... tonight. 527 00:50:40,900 --> 00:50:42,485 I have an idea. 528 00:50:49,075 --> 00:50:51,994 What you did with the place is wonderful. 529 00:50:52,078 --> 00:50:53,621 Not me. Them. 530 00:50:55,164 --> 00:50:56,249 So? 531 00:51:01,254 --> 00:51:02,797 You like them. 532 00:51:03,339 --> 00:51:07,301 I hope it wasn't yet another of your dreary suicide attempts. 533 00:51:07,635 --> 00:51:10,429 You know what they say about people who commit suicide? 534 00:51:10,513 --> 00:51:13,475 In the afterlife, they become civil servants. 535 00:51:15,769 --> 00:51:18,730 Otho, I didn't realize you were into the supernatural. 536 00:51:18,814 --> 00:51:20,899 Of course! You remember. 537 00:51:21,024 --> 00:51:23,694 After my stint with the Living Theater... 538 00:51:23,777 --> 00:51:27,364 ...I was one of New York's leading paranormal researchers... 539 00:51:27,447 --> 00:51:29,366 ...until the bottom dropped out in '72. 540 00:51:29,449 --> 00:51:33,036 Paranormal? Is that what they're calling your kind these days? 541 00:51:33,453 --> 00:51:37,958 Don't mind her. She's still upset that somebody dropped a house on her sister. 542 00:51:41,169 --> 00:51:43,463 Well, this looks really good. 543 00:51:45,132 --> 00:51:46,884 I saw some ghosts. 544 00:51:53,140 --> 00:51:56,727 - It's a private joke Lydia and I share. - It's not a joke. 545 00:51:56,810 --> 00:52:01,148 Yes, it is. Just today she tried to convince me this house is haunted. 546 00:52:03,150 --> 00:52:05,444 Kids! You know, I love them! 547 00:52:07,322 --> 00:52:10,033 - Ghosts? - In designer sheets, no less. 548 00:52:11,075 --> 00:52:14,454 I'd like to propose a toast to our intrepid friends... 549 00:52:14,537 --> 00:52:17,624 ...who braved the expressway and two dozen tollbooths to be with us. 550 00:52:17,707 --> 00:52:19,751 May your buildings go condo. 551 00:52:21,419 --> 00:52:23,963 Lydia, favor us about your ghosts. 552 00:52:24,380 --> 00:52:26,758 No! I am sick of that subject. 553 00:52:27,008 --> 00:52:28,760 Delia, lighten up. 554 00:52:29,344 --> 00:52:31,513 I would rather talk about... 555 00:52:46,903 --> 00:52:48,446 That's cute, Delia. 556 00:53:00,751 --> 00:53:02,836 Otho, are you doing this? 557 00:54:30,509 --> 00:54:31,885 We did it! 558 00:54:33,512 --> 00:54:35,305 Let's watch them scatter. 559 00:54:35,388 --> 00:54:39,059 Any minute now they'll come running out of that door screaming. 560 00:54:42,312 --> 00:54:43,813 Any minute now. 561 00:54:51,030 --> 00:54:52,615 It's me, Lydia. 562 00:54:55,993 --> 00:54:57,912 They want you to come downstairs. 563 00:54:57,995 --> 00:55:00,998 Delia says you can wear any sheets you want. 564 00:55:01,999 --> 00:55:04,794 It was like being in an amusement park. 565 00:55:05,169 --> 00:55:06,087 Wham! 566 00:55:06,295 --> 00:55:10,007 - I didn't know I could do the calypso. - Who has more fun than us? 567 00:55:10,091 --> 00:55:12,802 We're dealing with Tracy and Hepburn. 568 00:55:13,135 --> 00:55:16,722 A very sophisticated pair. They even appear in sheets. 569 00:55:18,182 --> 00:55:21,394 Charles, why didn't you tell us about this before? 570 00:55:22,895 --> 00:55:27,608 We're not sure we want our secret out. Everyone will want them for parties. 571 00:55:27,692 --> 00:55:29,443 People will pay big money for this. 572 00:55:29,527 --> 00:55:33,531 The Enquirer is offering $50,000 for proof of life after death. 573 00:55:35,366 --> 00:55:38,369 This is it, Charles. You can get Maxie Dean up here now. 574 00:55:38,452 --> 00:55:41,540 - You think so? - Sarah loves the supernatural. 575 00:55:42,457 --> 00:55:44,668 She'll have him sprint up here in his helicopter... 576 00:55:44,751 --> 00:55:47,421 ...if you can produce ghosts for her. 577 00:55:50,924 --> 00:55:53,886 I should remind you that I'm Delia's agent. 578 00:55:53,969 --> 00:55:56,305 I have lost money on her work for years. 579 00:55:56,388 --> 00:55:58,974 If anything happened here, I shall handle it. 580 00:55:59,057 --> 00:56:01,393 But not until I've seen real proof. 581 00:56:01,476 --> 00:56:05,439 - What about this table? - What do you call what just happened? 582 00:56:05,731 --> 00:56:08,233 What money? Don't you believe in my work? 583 00:56:09,151 --> 00:56:10,652 Here's Lydia. 584 00:56:11,278 --> 00:56:13,906 - Well? - They don't want to come down. 585 00:56:21,705 --> 00:56:22,998 Why not? 586 00:56:24,750 --> 00:56:28,879 I think they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared. 587 00:56:28,962 --> 00:56:32,216 They're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic. 588 00:56:36,221 --> 00:56:37,597 All right. 589 00:56:43,353 --> 00:56:46,356 This was not a hallucination. This was real. 590 00:56:47,690 --> 00:56:52,403 We all experienced a super-powerful paranormal experience and it was real. 591 00:56:53,112 --> 00:56:56,616 Delia, you are a flake. You have always been a flake. 592 00:56:57,450 --> 00:57:01,538 If you insist on frightening people, do it with your sculpture. 593 00:57:02,705 --> 00:57:04,374 Drive carefully! 594 00:57:04,457 --> 00:57:06,376 - I'm dead. - Where do they hide? 595 00:57:06,459 --> 00:57:08,836 - The attic. - The attic's locked. 596 00:57:09,671 --> 00:57:12,257 They're ghosts. They can do what they want. 597 00:57:12,340 --> 00:57:15,510 They do whatever they want. Take us up there right now. 598 00:57:21,933 --> 00:57:25,103 Fabulous! Otho Fenlock's "Locked Door Ghosts!" 599 00:57:25,353 --> 00:57:26,938 Probably committed suicide up there. 600 00:57:27,021 --> 00:57:29,108 - I'm enchanted. - In there? 601 00:57:29,358 --> 00:57:32,278 - They must live like animals. - It's locked. How did they get in? 602 00:57:32,361 --> 00:57:35,447 Open this door, Dead People, or we'll bust it down... 603 00:57:35,531 --> 00:57:38,033 ...and drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourself with! 604 00:57:38,117 --> 00:57:40,536 - They didn't commit suicide. - It doesn't matter. 605 00:57:40,619 --> 00:57:44,248 I can teach you something here. Take the upper hand in all situations... 606 00:57:44,331 --> 00:57:47,209 ...or people, dead or alive, will walk all over you. 607 00:57:47,293 --> 00:57:48,586 Open up! 608 00:58:00,931 --> 00:58:02,516 Where are they? 609 00:58:02,683 --> 00:58:04,977 These ghosts are nice people. 610 00:58:05,352 --> 00:58:09,023 I think we scared them away, so let's leave them alone, all right? 611 00:58:09,106 --> 00:58:11,192 It's the whole damn town. 612 00:58:12,443 --> 00:58:14,945 I have never been so embarrassed. 613 00:58:15,863 --> 00:58:17,781 Have they gone for good? 614 00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:25,498 Dad, don't. 615 00:58:25,832 --> 00:58:27,626 Mom, let's just go. 616 00:58:40,347 --> 00:58:41,932 No ghosts here. 617 00:58:44,726 --> 00:58:48,313 Come on! If they are in here, I don't want to scare them away. 618 00:58:50,190 --> 00:58:53,443 We're leaving now. You can go about your business. 619 00:58:55,612 --> 00:58:58,448 - What are we doing? - Quick, quick, quick. 620 00:59:05,705 --> 00:59:08,833 Oh, boy! You guys are really spooksters, aren't you? 621 00:59:09,834 --> 00:59:13,463 Now, let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose. 622 00:59:16,092 --> 00:59:19,887 Otho, get Maxie on the phone. We've really got something here. 623 00:59:19,971 --> 00:59:24,016 We can turn this place into the world's leading supernatural research center. 624 00:59:24,100 --> 00:59:27,228 An amusement park. I'll do a presentation. Lydia will bring the ghosts. 625 00:59:27,311 --> 00:59:30,314 I can't bring the ghosts. They're not here. 626 00:59:30,398 --> 00:59:34,110 - Otho, can't you do something? - If I'm properly motivated. 627 00:59:36,779 --> 00:59:39,532 What type of motivation do you require? 628 00:59:39,615 --> 00:59:43,494 Why don't you leave them alone? They didn't do anything to you. 629 01:00:30,959 --> 01:00:33,587 We've come for your daughter, Chuck. 630 01:00:34,588 --> 01:00:35,964 Stop! Stop! 631 01:00:47,809 --> 01:00:50,521 - Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse! - Oh, no! 632 01:00:52,564 --> 01:00:54,566 Why are you doing this? 633 01:00:56,235 --> 01:00:58,403 Leave me alone, all of you! 634 01:01:01,991 --> 01:01:06,913 Great choice! We spend the next century hanging out a window or doing tricks. 635 01:01:07,497 --> 01:01:10,208 Maybe they'll leave now. That snake was a nasty customer. 636 01:01:10,291 --> 01:01:12,418 - He could've hurt somebody. - But he didn't. 637 01:01:12,502 --> 01:01:14,963 We've got them where we want them. 638 01:01:19,050 --> 01:01:23,012 You losers! How dare you interrupt a professional while he's working! 639 01:01:23,096 --> 01:01:25,807 I'm not fond of Charles, but you could've killed him. 640 01:01:25,890 --> 01:01:29,060 I'm just doing my job! I thought we had a deal. 641 01:01:29,185 --> 01:01:31,271 It's okay. You know why? 642 01:01:31,729 --> 01:01:35,900 I don't want to do business with you deadbeats anyway, thank you. 643 01:01:36,317 --> 01:01:40,154 The only one I think I can deal with is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter. 644 01:01:40,238 --> 01:01:42,615 - She understands me. - Leave her alone! 645 01:01:55,087 --> 01:01:57,381 Go ahead, make my millennium. 646 01:02:04,930 --> 01:02:08,517 I'm feeling a little anxious, if you know what I mean. 647 01:02:08,976 --> 01:02:11,103 It's been about 600 years. 648 01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:14,607 I wonder where an everyday Joe like myself... 649 01:02:15,357 --> 01:02:17,443 ...can find a little action. 650 01:02:34,460 --> 01:02:36,545 Yeah. Here I come, baby. 651 01:02:40,925 --> 01:02:42,676 Hey, Adam, nice move! 652 01:02:44,345 --> 01:02:46,889 - Why did you build that? - I didn't. 653 01:02:57,025 --> 01:02:59,361 Will you guys shut up and leave me alone? 654 01:02:59,444 --> 01:03:01,780 I've got all this paperwork to do. 655 01:03:04,074 --> 01:03:06,117 You two, come in. Sit down. 656 01:03:06,201 --> 01:03:08,286 Get in here, both of you! 657 01:03:11,915 --> 01:03:16,086 The whorehouse was my idea. I want Betelgeuse out of the picture. 658 01:03:17,212 --> 01:03:19,381 You two have really screwed up. 659 01:03:19,881 --> 01:03:22,884 I heard you allowed yourselves to be photographed. 660 01:03:22,968 --> 01:03:25,720 You let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back. 661 01:03:25,804 --> 01:03:28,181 And you let Otho take the handbook! 662 01:03:28,265 --> 01:03:29,432 When? 663 01:03:30,725 --> 01:03:32,727 Never trust the living! 664 01:03:33,311 --> 01:03:35,981 We cannot have a routine haunting like yours... 665 01:03:36,064 --> 01:03:39,651 ...provide proof that there is existence beyond death. 666 01:03:40,485 --> 01:03:42,822 Coach, where's the men's room? 667 01:03:44,031 --> 01:03:46,534 I'm not your coach. He survived. 668 01:03:46,701 --> 01:03:48,786 Let me get something straight. 669 01:03:48,870 --> 01:03:51,497 - What's our curfew? - Get out of here! 670 01:03:52,498 --> 01:03:55,084 Go on, get downstairs! Men's room! 671 01:03:55,668 --> 01:03:58,254 Are you kidding? Can't you read signs? 672 01:03:58,337 --> 01:04:00,131 I'll be right back. 673 01:04:12,393 --> 01:04:14,520 Maybe this was a bad idea. 674 01:04:14,896 --> 01:04:16,814 I didn't say anything. 675 01:04:18,774 --> 01:04:21,694 Who are we kidding? You've never had a bad idea. 676 01:04:21,777 --> 01:04:22,945 Yeah? 677 01:04:25,698 --> 01:04:27,742 This could all work out. 678 01:04:29,410 --> 01:04:30,453 Home. 679 01:04:33,956 --> 01:04:36,585 I'm not sure this is the right environment for Lydia. 680 01:04:36,668 --> 01:04:38,754 - Snakes. Ghosts. - Shrimp. 681 01:04:40,339 --> 01:04:42,049 You family types. 682 01:04:42,341 --> 01:04:46,136 You've got other things to worry about. Maxie Dean is coming tonight. 683 01:04:46,220 --> 01:04:49,723 You have to sell these ghosts. I can only do so much. 684 01:04:50,140 --> 01:04:53,393 What are you going to do? Viciously rearrange their environment? 685 01:04:53,477 --> 01:04:57,648 I know as much about the supernatural as I do about interior design. 686 01:05:05,531 --> 01:05:06,823 "I am... 687 01:05:07,241 --> 01:05:08,367 "...alone. 688 01:05:18,919 --> 01:05:20,170 "I am... 689 01:05:21,088 --> 01:05:22,631 "...utterly... 690 01:05:22,881 --> 01:05:24,007 "...alone. 691 01:05:25,551 --> 01:05:27,135 "By the time... 692 01:05:28,930 --> 01:05:30,473 "...you read this... 693 01:05:31,182 --> 01:05:32,684 "...I will... 694 01:05:33,101 --> 01:05:34,352 "...be gone... 695 01:05:35,937 --> 01:05:37,689 "...having jumped... 696 01:05:39,983 --> 01:05:41,818 "Having plummeted... 697 01:05:43,736 --> 01:05:44,863 "...off... 698 01:05:45,655 --> 01:05:47,824 "...the Winter River Bridge." 699 01:05:50,910 --> 01:05:53,079 I don't care what it takes. 700 01:05:53,162 --> 01:05:55,790 You get the Deetzes out of there now! 701 01:05:57,125 --> 01:05:58,668 Wait a minute. 702 01:06:00,753 --> 01:06:02,505 What are you going to do? 703 01:06:03,089 --> 01:06:04,632 To scare them. 704 01:06:05,091 --> 01:06:08,177 I want to make sure it's not some silly parlor trick. 705 01:06:08,803 --> 01:06:10,346 I'll go first. 706 01:06:32,578 --> 01:06:34,330 Not bad. Not bad. 707 01:06:35,748 --> 01:06:36,790 Now you. 708 01:06:37,333 --> 01:06:38,667 Go ahead! 709 01:06:53,599 --> 01:06:55,184 You look great. 710 01:06:55,851 --> 01:07:00,022 Go clean house and don't forget the photographs and the handbook. 711 01:07:08,864 --> 01:07:10,366 - Coach? - What? 712 01:07:11,909 --> 01:07:14,245 I don't think we survived that crash. 713 01:07:14,328 --> 01:07:15,997 How did you guess? 714 01:07:19,626 --> 01:07:21,545 Mr. And Mrs. Maitland? 715 01:07:26,299 --> 01:07:27,509 Hello? 716 01:07:28,677 --> 01:07:30,470 - Where are you? - Dead. 717 01:07:32,013 --> 01:07:33,848 Dead, dead, deadski. 718 01:07:35,517 --> 01:07:37,394 Of course they're dead. They're ghosts. 719 01:07:37,477 --> 01:07:41,481 No, I mean they're gone. Split. Out of here. Afterlife kids. 720 01:07:42,023 --> 01:07:44,442 - Deceased. - Are you a ghost, too? 721 01:07:46,486 --> 01:07:49,030 I'm the ghost with the most, babe. 722 01:07:51,366 --> 01:07:54,160 You look like somebody I can relate to. 723 01:07:55,912 --> 01:07:58,790 Maybe you could help me get out of here. 724 01:07:59,249 --> 01:08:01,877 I gotta tell you, this death thing... 725 01:08:05,046 --> 01:08:06,464 It's creepy. 726 01:08:06,548 --> 01:08:08,301 Here's my problem. 727 01:08:08,718 --> 01:08:11,971 I've got friends on the outside I said I'd meet. 728 01:08:12,388 --> 01:08:14,640 I have to be there in person. 729 01:08:14,724 --> 01:08:17,059 So could you help me get out of here? 730 01:08:18,186 --> 01:08:19,896 I want to get in. 731 01:08:20,897 --> 01:08:21,939 Why? 732 01:08:23,691 --> 01:08:27,486 You've probably got your reasons, but I can't do anything from here. 733 01:08:27,570 --> 01:08:31,324 If you could get me out, over there, maybe we could talk. 734 01:08:32,491 --> 01:08:35,995 But to do that you've got to say my name three times. 735 01:08:36,078 --> 01:08:37,788 What's your name? 736 01:08:38,331 --> 01:08:40,041 I can't tell you. 737 01:08:40,583 --> 01:08:41,626 Why not? 738 01:08:42,168 --> 01:08:46,214 If I tell you, you'll tell your friends, they'll call me all the time. 739 01:08:46,297 --> 01:08:50,384 I've got to go to shopping centers for openings, sign autographs, that shit. 740 01:08:50,468 --> 01:08:53,554 It makes my life hell, okay? A living hell. 741 01:08:54,055 --> 01:08:57,975 But maybe if you have a pen... I know! Do you play charades? 742 01:08:58,601 --> 01:09:00,061 - Yeah. - Good. 743 01:09:00,603 --> 01:09:02,397 Here we go. Ready? 744 01:09:02,606 --> 01:09:03,982 Two words. 745 01:09:04,650 --> 01:09:05,859 Right! 746 01:09:07,402 --> 01:09:09,530 First word, two syllables. 747 01:09:10,239 --> 01:09:11,406 Look. 748 01:09:12,449 --> 01:09:13,909 Turn around. 749 01:09:15,619 --> 01:09:17,538 I don't know what your signal means. 750 01:09:17,621 --> 01:09:19,289 Look behind you! 751 01:09:19,998 --> 01:09:21,708 Hi. How are you? 752 01:09:22,167 --> 01:09:23,418 Beetle. 753 01:09:23,669 --> 01:09:25,420 Got it. Now, two. 754 01:09:28,632 --> 01:09:31,218 Breakfast? Orange? Orange beetle? 755 01:09:31,343 --> 01:09:32,844 Beetle fruit? 756 01:09:33,345 --> 01:09:35,055 Beetle breakfast? 757 01:09:36,098 --> 01:09:37,516 Beetle drink? 758 01:09:40,352 --> 01:09:41,854 Beetle juice? 759 01:09:41,979 --> 01:09:44,565 - That's it! - Your name's Beetlejuice? 760 01:09:44,648 --> 01:09:48,068 You said it twice. Just say it once more. Come on. 761 01:09:48,318 --> 01:09:50,863 It was you, wasn't it? The snake. 762 01:09:52,030 --> 01:09:54,993 You kids and your imagination! Just say it! 763 01:09:56,119 --> 01:09:57,203 No. 764 01:09:58,997 --> 01:10:00,123 I want to talk to Barbara. 765 01:10:00,206 --> 01:10:03,376 You don't need to talk to Barbara! Just say it! 766 01:10:07,380 --> 01:10:10,925 Adam, I can't go through with it. I like that little girl. 767 01:10:11,009 --> 01:10:14,429 But it's too late. We have to go through with this. 768 01:10:14,721 --> 01:10:17,056 No, we don't. Can't we rebel? 769 01:10:24,230 --> 01:10:26,274 I want to be with Lydia. 770 01:10:37,410 --> 01:10:39,329 Come on! Just say it! 771 01:10:41,539 --> 01:10:43,166 No, don't say it! 772 01:10:44,375 --> 01:10:45,627 Say it! 773 01:10:46,252 --> 01:10:49,006 It's okay. It's us. What's going on? 774 01:10:50,424 --> 01:10:51,717 Beetle... 775 01:10:52,218 --> 01:10:55,763 He said if I let him out he would take me to the other side to find you. 776 01:10:55,846 --> 01:10:57,765 No, Lydia, we're dead. 777 01:11:00,309 --> 01:11:02,311 - I want to be dead, too. - No! 778 01:11:10,945 --> 01:11:13,864 Being dead doesn't make things any easier. 779 01:11:13,948 --> 01:11:17,910 Listen to her on this. This is something we know a lot about. 780 01:11:18,953 --> 01:11:21,705 And you can visit us anytime you want. 781 01:11:23,332 --> 01:11:27,127 I have a feeling things are going to be better from now on. 782 01:11:28,087 --> 01:11:30,172 What do you mean, better? 783 01:11:30,381 --> 01:11:34,510 We've decided we're going to invite you and your family to stay. 784 01:11:35,636 --> 01:11:37,096 That's right. 785 01:11:42,561 --> 01:11:45,897 - Can't we bring Maxie up here? - You've got a stake in this, too. 786 01:11:45,981 --> 01:11:50,694 This is a presentation. It requires a sense of occasion, a sense of style. 787 01:11:50,777 --> 01:11:53,405 - It's big. How will we get it out? - It's sectional. 788 01:11:53,488 --> 01:11:55,323 - Wait, there are plugs. - Careful! 789 01:11:55,407 --> 01:11:56,741 Okay, go. 790 01:11:58,577 --> 01:12:01,705 - What's going on? - I don't know. I'll find out. 791 01:12:01,788 --> 01:12:03,206 Be careful. 792 01:12:04,583 --> 01:12:07,043 We've got Ed Cornwell to head the wax museum... 793 01:12:07,127 --> 01:12:11,214 ...dedicated to 50 great moments of the paranormal in Thanksgiving Park. 794 01:12:11,298 --> 01:12:13,174 You must remember Ed. 795 01:12:14,134 --> 01:12:17,888 He's the genius who gave us the talking Marcel Marceau statue. 796 01:12:19,598 --> 01:12:23,184 And D-Con is on its knees to sponsor the insect zoo... 797 01:12:24,394 --> 01:12:26,688 ...in the old hardware store. 798 01:12:27,063 --> 01:12:28,481 We can't lose! 799 01:12:34,738 --> 01:12:39,160 Lydia, you decided to join us. I just finished the initial presentation. 800 01:12:39,243 --> 01:12:41,787 Now it's time to have a stretch... 801 01:12:42,288 --> 01:12:45,625 ...and to invite our friends to meet your friends. 802 01:12:46,292 --> 01:12:48,044 Are they here yet? 803 01:12:48,377 --> 01:12:51,172 Charles, we're here to see some ghosts. 804 01:12:53,257 --> 01:12:55,426 They're not here... anymore. 805 01:12:59,847 --> 01:13:02,308 Every time she says that, the paint peels... 806 01:13:02,391 --> 01:13:05,394 ...and some wild creature tries to kill us. 807 01:13:06,938 --> 01:13:09,190 But we have pictures, Lydia. 808 01:13:09,357 --> 01:13:12,360 Really. They said they'd come back and we could all live here... 809 01:13:12,443 --> 01:13:16,614 ...if you agreed not to tease them or make them do stupid tricks. 810 01:13:17,615 --> 01:13:20,034 She has a tendency to overreact. 811 01:13:20,535 --> 01:13:23,996 Don't worry, we're not relying on her. We have Otho. 812 01:13:27,291 --> 01:13:30,587 - Are they still here? - Otho, are they still here? 813 01:13:30,796 --> 01:13:33,924 They're still here. They're just hiding out. 814 01:13:34,633 --> 01:13:37,219 They probably feel guilty about what they did to me. 815 01:13:37,302 --> 01:13:39,221 They're sorry they didn't kill you. 816 01:13:39,304 --> 01:13:41,348 I just want to see them. 817 01:13:43,809 --> 01:13:45,352 Otho, can you do it? 818 01:13:45,477 --> 01:13:48,605 - It'll be tricky, but I think I can handle it. - No! 819 01:13:53,527 --> 01:13:56,989 What am I worried about? You can't even change a tire. 820 01:13:59,908 --> 01:14:02,661 I'll be needing something personal of theirs. 821 01:14:02,744 --> 01:14:04,913 You'll have to go to the Goodwill. 822 01:14:07,833 --> 01:14:09,209 Excuse me. 823 01:14:21,681 --> 01:14:23,516 The wedding clothes. 824 01:14:25,184 --> 01:14:26,561 The words: 825 01:14:34,861 --> 01:14:36,529 "Hands vermilion 826 01:14:36,988 --> 01:14:38,531 "Start of five 827 01:14:39,407 --> 01:14:40,867 "Bright cotillion 828 01:14:41,951 --> 01:14:43,453 "Raven's dive 829 01:14:44,412 --> 01:14:46,039 "Nightshade's promise 830 01:14:46,789 --> 01:14:48,374 "Spirits strive 831 01:14:49,542 --> 01:14:52,545 "To the living, let now the dead come alive" 832 01:15:07,685 --> 01:15:08,978 Barbara? 833 01:15:11,231 --> 01:15:13,483 "As sudden thunder pierces night 834 01:15:14,776 --> 01:15:17,071 "As magic wonder mad affright 835 01:15:17,613 --> 01:15:19,865 "Rives asunder man's delight 836 01:15:21,367 --> 01:15:23,285 "Our ghost, our corpse 837 01:15:24,411 --> 01:15:26,205 "And we rise to be" 838 01:15:36,382 --> 01:15:37,424 Help! 839 01:15:45,849 --> 01:15:47,142 Stop it! 840 01:15:49,895 --> 01:15:51,730 "As flies the lizard 841 01:15:51,855 --> 01:15:53,107 "Serpent fell 842 01:15:53,566 --> 01:15:55,568 "As goblin vizard at the spell 843 01:15:57,027 --> 01:15:59,822 "The buried, dead and slain rise again" 844 01:16:47,037 --> 01:16:49,122 What's happening to them? 845 01:16:50,415 --> 01:16:51,666 I don't know. 846 01:16:53,251 --> 01:16:54,794 They're dying! 847 01:16:54,878 --> 01:16:57,589 They're already dead. They can't feel a thing. 848 01:16:58,465 --> 01:17:01,551 - That's not true! Look at them! - That's enough. 849 01:17:01,635 --> 01:17:03,346 Can we stop this? 850 01:17:05,389 --> 01:17:07,975 It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry. 851 01:17:15,900 --> 01:17:18,444 Where are you? Help them, please. 852 01:17:22,573 --> 01:17:25,868 Sure, I can help them. But you've got to help me. 853 01:17:25,952 --> 01:17:28,913 - What? - I'm what you call an illegal alien. 854 01:17:29,038 --> 01:17:32,708 I want out for good. To do that, I've gotta get married. 855 01:17:34,627 --> 01:17:38,714 These aren't my rules. Come to think of it, I don't have any rules. 856 01:17:39,590 --> 01:17:40,883 Come on. 857 01:17:41,592 --> 01:17:44,637 Think of it as a marriage of inconvenience. We both get something. 858 01:17:44,720 --> 01:17:48,724 I get out. You get the most eligible bachelor since Valentino. 859 01:17:49,016 --> 01:17:51,561 - We're even. - Okay, just help them. 860 01:17:54,855 --> 01:17:56,024 Sure. 861 01:18:06,535 --> 01:18:07,995 Beetlejuice. 862 01:18:16,378 --> 01:18:17,963 It's show time. 863 01:18:35,606 --> 01:18:37,524 Attention, K-Mart shoppers: 864 01:18:48,661 --> 01:18:53,124 I'm back. I feel real good about myself. You know what I mean? So... 865 01:18:53,458 --> 01:18:55,293 ...without further delay... 866 01:18:56,711 --> 01:18:58,671 ...welcome to Winter River! 867 01:18:58,755 --> 01:19:00,798 Museum of Natural Greed! 868 01:19:01,049 --> 01:19:03,218 A monument to the bored businessman. 869 01:19:03,301 --> 01:19:07,055 Come a little closer. Step right up! Test your strength. 870 01:19:29,244 --> 01:19:30,620 Thank you. 871 01:19:30,745 --> 01:19:32,455 Thank you! Whew! 872 01:19:33,831 --> 01:19:37,460 That is why I won't do two shows a night anymore, babe. 873 01:19:37,919 --> 01:19:39,504 I won't do 'em. 874 01:19:39,629 --> 01:19:42,591 Well, what have we got here tonight, kids? 875 01:19:45,553 --> 01:19:47,596 We've got the Maitlands. 876 01:19:47,846 --> 01:19:50,766 I think they've had enough exercise for tonight. 877 01:19:57,773 --> 01:20:00,859 Not so fast, Round Boy. We're gonna have some laughs. 878 01:20:21,338 --> 01:20:22,673 Mom, Dad: 879 01:20:25,801 --> 01:20:28,679 I just want you two to know you're welcome in our house... 880 01:20:28,762 --> 01:20:31,056 ...anytime you want to come over. 881 01:20:31,140 --> 01:20:34,018 In the meantime, the dowry's on me, Dad. 882 01:20:38,315 --> 01:20:42,819 The Maitlands are taken care of. Everything seems to be back to normal. 883 01:20:47,908 --> 01:20:49,242 Shall we? 884 01:20:59,628 --> 01:21:02,005 Called the caterer. He's got a great band. 885 01:21:02,088 --> 01:21:04,883 We're gonna need witnesses. Would you? 886 01:21:55,309 --> 01:21:57,520 Let's get on with the ceremony. 887 01:21:57,603 --> 01:21:59,188 Do you, Betel... 888 01:22:00,773 --> 01:22:04,277 - Nobody says the "B" word. - Do you take this woman... 889 01:22:04,944 --> 01:22:07,071 ...to be your wedded wife? 890 01:22:07,947 --> 01:22:10,533 I don't know. It's a big decision. 891 01:22:10,616 --> 01:22:14,495 I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it only once. 892 01:22:15,454 --> 01:22:16,873 Sure. Go ahead. 893 01:22:16,956 --> 01:22:19,500 And do you, Lydia, take this man... 894 01:22:20,167 --> 01:22:21,627 No! Betel... 895 01:22:23,380 --> 01:22:26,967 She's a little nervous. Maybe I should answer for her. 896 01:22:27,134 --> 01:22:29,052 I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind. 897 01:22:29,136 --> 01:22:31,680 The man next to me is the one I want. You asked me. 898 01:22:31,763 --> 01:22:34,766 I'm answering. Yes, I love that man of mine. 899 01:22:35,434 --> 01:22:36,476 Come on. 900 01:22:40,480 --> 01:22:41,773 Come on. 901 01:22:42,983 --> 01:22:44,359 Betelgeu... 902 01:22:49,990 --> 01:22:51,200 Scram! 903 01:22:53,035 --> 01:22:54,328 Come on! 904 01:22:55,996 --> 01:22:57,331 Hey, guy. 905 01:23:00,500 --> 01:23:02,920 May we continue with the ceremony? 906 01:23:05,631 --> 01:23:07,549 - Then by... - Betelgeuse. 907 01:23:17,518 --> 01:23:18,770 Strike! 908 01:23:22,023 --> 01:23:23,441 Let's roll! 909 01:23:23,691 --> 01:23:26,319 Then by the authority vested in me... 910 01:23:26,986 --> 01:23:29,614 - The ring, please. - The ring! Oh, no! 911 01:23:37,664 --> 01:23:39,457 I've got it, honey. 912 01:23:55,515 --> 01:23:57,600 Here it is. Here you go. 913 01:23:58,226 --> 01:24:01,145 She meant nothing to me. Nothing at all! 914 01:24:07,610 --> 01:24:09,905 - I now pronounce you... - Yeah, come on. 915 01:24:11,782 --> 01:24:13,117 Man and... 916 01:25:12,552 --> 01:25:15,096 - What time is it? - It's about 3:30. 917 01:25:16,431 --> 01:25:18,266 Give or take a year. 918 01:25:24,856 --> 01:25:26,024 Well? 919 01:25:27,275 --> 01:25:28,360 Did you get the paints? 920 01:25:28,443 --> 01:25:31,947 Yes. And I took pictures of the new town hall for you, too. 921 01:25:32,030 --> 01:25:33,949 How was the science test? 922 01:25:34,032 --> 01:25:37,118 It was gross. They wanted me to dissect a frog. 923 01:25:37,202 --> 01:25:40,622 I told them "no way." I said it was against my religion. I got a "C." 924 01:25:40,705 --> 01:25:42,457 And the math test? 925 01:25:44,125 --> 01:25:48,421 You're kidding me? We spent the whole week studying for that test. 926 01:25:48,755 --> 01:25:50,257 I got an "A." 927 01:25:50,507 --> 01:25:51,883 So, can I? 928 01:25:52,551 --> 01:25:55,554 I don't know. Got a "C" on the science test. 929 01:25:57,348 --> 01:26:00,268 Don't tease her. You never got on "A" in science... 930 01:26:04,981 --> 01:26:06,274 Come on. 931 01:26:07,942 --> 01:26:09,193 Well... 932 01:26:10,236 --> 01:26:11,696 ...I suppose. 933 01:26:28,296 --> 01:26:30,381 This reads like stereo instructions. 934 01:26:30,464 --> 01:26:33,175 Sounds like Lydia got an "A" on the math test. 935 01:26:35,469 --> 01:26:36,929 He likes it. 936 01:27:17,638 --> 01:27:19,973 Sorry. Didn't see you sitting there. 937 01:27:21,892 --> 01:27:23,101 Women. 938 01:27:24,144 --> 01:27:26,647 I don't know what her problem is. 939 01:27:27,439 --> 01:27:28,857 Normally, chicks... 940 01:27:43,498 --> 01:27:45,458 Pardon me. Did you do that? 941 01:27:45,542 --> 01:27:46,918 Nice work. 942 01:27:47,126 --> 01:27:49,212 How do you get them so small? 943 01:27:49,295 --> 01:27:51,256 There goes Elvis! Yo, King! 944 01:27:54,050 --> 01:27:56,177 Well, looks like I'm next. 945 01:27:58,221 --> 01:28:02,850 Good thing. I've got to do a photo shoot for G.Q. In an hour and a half. 946 01:28:03,851 --> 01:28:07,730 They've been after me for months. Some kind of underwear deal. 947 01:28:09,399 --> 01:28:12,318 What are you doing? Stop it. You're messing up my hair. 948 01:28:12,402 --> 01:28:14,487 Come on! Whoa! Stop it! 949 01:28:18,074 --> 01:28:20,451 This might be a good look for me. 950 01:31:42,783 --> 01:31:45,327 Subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER 951 01:31:46,305 --> 01:31:52,688 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org