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- Well, you 're home. - Oh... yeah.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
Come on up, you want to have a-a coffee, or a drink, or something?
- You need to put on your thinking cap, you have the presentation to write.
- Oh, don't remind me. - Good night.
- Debbie? - Yes?
- See you tomorrow. - Right.
- Yes? Can I help you?
- Are you James Ferguson? - Yes, who are you?
May I be so bald... as to inquire if you are all right?
I'm fine, why?
Did nothing strange happen to you in the past few minutes?
Well, nothing except you. Hey, what do you want?
- May I come in? - Not unless you can write a speech.
I got a lot of work to do, I am sorry, but no.
Do you have the... correct time?
It's 11.16, exactly.
11.16 exactly! Must be a mistake, it should have happened by now.
I'll tell you what: I'm very busy and I don't know what you're talking about.
So why don't I just... go, OK?
I'm sorry to have troubled you, Mr. Ferguson.
Good night.
Weird-O...
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Jim Ferguson...
and as president of "Celebrity Dinners" it gives me the greatest pleasure...
to welcome you here today and celebrate with us...
the unveiling of our first ever mind of TV Stardinner!
Lend a hand. I'm in a bit of a pitch here, old man!
- Something very strange just happened to my plane. - No kiddin'?
Hurry there, old, will you? They'll start to whizbang us in a moment.
Let's move.
Damn it! I lost the bloody camera.
[must] get up tomorrow and do it again.
Thanks for your help.
Don't think we've been properly introduced.
I'm James Bigglesworth. My friends call me Biggles.
Jim. Ferguson.
"Celebrity Dinners."
Whaddayou say... You're an American!
I heard you chaps were coming over. Uniforms on the way, I suppose?
The Germans have a fix on us. Come on!
Wait a minute. Yes, it's ridiculous.
Hey, what the hell I'm doing here?! What's going on?!
Hey, look at that! Just take a look at that guy!
Hi!
- Morning, Judy. - Good morning.
These need [approval] immediately.
I know, I'm sorry, I'm late. - What happened to your head?
I bumped in the door, it's nothing. Come on, are we ready for the dry run?
First, I'd like to go in the final cost unit figures with you. And we have a slight problem with our tray lids.
It's ridiculous, we can't let the buyers see this.
- Look at that girl's breasts! - Jim.
Jim, we need this cover art. It's modern, it's stylish, it's sexy.
It's what young America's all about today, tits and TV...!
Maybe, Chuck - but it just isn't us.
- I'll be with you in a second, Deb. - Okay.
- Yeah, looks almost good enough to eat. - Looks fantastic.
Type these [...], and let me have a quick look for the go. Thank you.
- Jim, can I talk to you for a minute? - Is that important, Chuck?
Hey! Now, would I bother you with something that isn't important?
Do you mind?
The girl on the package cover,
She's part of my campaign for a new product...
"Starlet Snacks."
Every cover is a photo of a gorgeous girl, feastfully posed in provocative position!
So we can advertise on the "Playboy Channel"!
So what do you think? "Match a starlet tonight"
- Can we talk about this in your office? - Jim. When we gonna dump that mountain of shit?
Chuck's got some good ideas, and as long as his uncle runs a bank who gives us our loan - he is married to us.
Try to get along with him, OK?
Look, please try to control Chuck. Only for today I want everybody THERE, you know?
- OK, but I can't do everything.
- What do you mean 'You can't do everything'? You gonna have to.
Look, Jim, it's a big day. So lighten up, OK?
Now you sure everything is ready for the lunch?
Debbie, please give me a moment with this man. Let me deal with that.
It'll just be a minute, I promise.
I see you've hurt your head. Did it happen last night?
- What is this, "20 questions"? - Did you knock your head on a burning plane?
- Why did you say that? - Did you... rescue the pilot?
- Who the hell are you? - Then it did happen last night.
You must tell me. It is important you tell exactly what happened.
Commander Raymond. Air Intelligence. What, are you investigating me?
No, nothing like that. Go on, you must tell me.
Okay.
I was in my living room, trying to write a speech.
The next thing I knew, I was in the middle of some big battle, somewhere.
The Western front. 1917.
- How did you know that? - Please go on.
A plane crashed. It was an old bi-plane. I helped the pilot to get out.
- You saved him, you saved Biggles? - Biggles, that's right.
Please, continue.
Well, there was a lot of shooting and bombing. The plane blew UP!
All of a sudden - back in my room somehow. This really sounds crazy, you know.
- What about the camera? - Camera? - The camera on the aircraft.
Did Biggles retrieve it?
Um... no, the plane blew up before he could pull it loose.
Now this is very awkward.
Listen, Mr. Raymond, or whoever the hell you are: do you mind telling me what is going on here?
- Jim? We got a glitch on the mashed potatoes. - Just a minute, Bill. Please.
Something else will happen to you. You must come to London.
- London? Are you crazy?! - My address is on the card.
Good day... Mr. Ferguson.
I want some spring in that set, huh?
- How's the evening? - OK so far. Fine from "National Market" just arrived.
- Oh Gosh. Is my tie OK? - Yes. - Is my head on? - Yes.
- Wish me luck. - You gonna need it. It's Maxine Fine.
Mrs. Fine! Great to see you. Oh, you're looking good. Thanks for coming.
Oh, hello, Ferguson. So, um... is this it?
Working it into the big time, eh?
- Think we got the product to do it. - Oh, we'll see.
What are you selling in here? Silicone implants?
Oh, you mean the cover, that's market research. Will replace with a new one,
Not much nose... Consumers want a lot of nose in the dinner.
Certainly will work on that.
- What the hell? - Look, let me get you another dinner.
No, it's OK. At least somebody wanted to eat it.
I'm not so sure about the corn, though. It looks a little bit like, um... dog puke?
You know your customers [...] this. This is the finest dog puke they've ever tasted.
-You again!
- What the juice are you doing in my plane? - I don't know.
You're assigned to the wrong plane. This may be a one-way mission.
What do you mean - "one-way"?
The Germans have a new weapon. One that caused me to crash.
I'm gonna try and take another photograph.
They may try to use the weapon against us. Make yourself useful.
There is a helmet in the cockpit.
Biggles, I have to talk to you.
Don't talk. Look!
Look for what?
Get over gun!
Shoot back at him!
- The gun's jammed! - Then un-jam it!
I have to run from him.
- What did they train you for? - Cooking!
Hey, I did it! He's gone.
Rote flame.
I got the photograph!
- What's wrong with the plane? - Same as before!
They're using the weapon!
I'll try more altitude! Hang on...!
That did it! Whatever it was, we are out of reach!
- Take over! - Take over what?
The controls! Just hold it steady.
I'll take over now!
Careful with the photo, mate!
- What happened to you? - Look, I can't explain it.
- Please tell me what's going on! - You got to get away from me. Just stay away from me!
- Where are you going? - To London! - London?
Come in.
I've been expecting you, Mr. Ferguson.
This is my lair, as I call it.
It's rather cozy, don't you think?
Of course, when they raise the bridge, it gets a bit noisy. But that is not very often.
Please, sit down. I'll get some tea.
Oh, forget the tea. You mind telling me what the hell is going on here?
I got a business to run. People relying on me.
I do not know what the hell you're up to, or why - but it has to stop! Do you hear me, I want it to stop!
- Mr. Ferguson, please don't shout. - Why do you stick me with this?
If I had to 'stick' someone with this - as you so elegantly put it, I would not have picked you.
Fighting for your country and your life is something you've mercifully have never had to do.
That's there you're wrong, but...
last escapade I was on, I was shot at by some black-hooded clown in a German bi-plane.
- Von Stalhein. It had to be. - I want some answers. Now!
Please, Mr. Ferguson, sit down as a good chap, and I'll tell you what I know.
The man you met was James Bigglesworth.
This is a photograph of him with his team.
Algy, Bertie and Ginger.
- What these guys are, a vaudeville act? - Indeed not.
They there four of the bravest men [...] my privilege to know.
We all owe a great deal of the freedom we now take for granted to men like them.
Oh. So what's this got to do with me?
You gave this card... to Biggles.
- How the hell did you get this? - Biggles gave it to me.
You see, I was his commanding officer on the Western Front.
I just gave Biggles this card two nights ago. Do you mean that was 1917?
Time travel is not unknown in history.
There's evidence that It happens more often than anyone suspects.
- But why me?
- I don’t know about 'why', but only that it happens.
- How can I keep on meeting Biggles then?
Oh, as to that... I think Biggles is your time twin.
Time... twin?
Listen, you got anything stronger than tea?
It seems that for the moment your lives are inextricably interwoven.
Do you think, maybe... the reason has something to do with this?
How did you get this?
The second time I went back, Biggles and I were on a photo recon mission, and, um...
when I returned, I was holding that thing.
- Did Biggles tell you, what the photograph is? - Yes, some sort of secret weapon.
Biggles seemed real concerned about it.
I'll have this photograph processed.
Mr. Ferguson. The time has come for action.
- What kind of action? - I have prepared something for you.
- What for? - Your next trip back.
This time I will send you to the battlefield properly equipped.
- Listen, is there any way I can get out of this? - I'm afraid not.
If the enemy has developed a weapon that allows him to break through the allied lines...
then Germany could well win the First World War.
History would be altered, and you will be stuck in... 1917, a sort of "time orphan", I suppose.
God knows what would happen to the rest of us.
- This is getting crazier, you know. - You must not fail.
I have arranged for you to stay at the hotel, just across the river. The Tower Hotel.
And I will have this plate processed and contact you when it's done. Good luck.
You'll be in good hands.
Biggles is a fine officer.
I - I really don't understand what made him act like that.
Psychosis trauma.
It says so right here.
- "Diseases of the mind"? - I've been reading all night, and I've found the answer.
Psychosis. Trauma. Syndrome.
Jim is not crazy - he is scared.
This got something to do with that man who came to see him yesterday.
I'm afraid that's some kind of blackmail or...
- Hello! - It is Jim! Where Ar you?
I'm at the Tower Hotel. In London. Tell me what's the news?
We're in business. Maxine Fine made a big order.
That's great! I'm coming home in a few days.
- What's going on? - It's personal, honey. I mean, I can handle it.
- Look, I can be on the next plane. - Debbie, listen to me - NO WAY!
Absolutely not. I'll be home in a few days.
I promise you. Just say hi to the gang for me.
You see, guys like Jim, pushy over-achievers, they store up stress...
and it builds up, and builds inside them, until they just... snap!
- I'm going to London. - I'm coming with you. - Me, too.
- No, Bill, somebody got to stay here and handle the orders.
Just don't you go there alone.
I'll take Chuck.
Jim is as good as cured.
Keep a tidy asshole.
Excuse me, sir, um... I did not see you there. I'll come back later.
- Êtes-vous Jésus-Christ? - Biggles? Where is he? He's got to be here.
Biggles!
Does that ring a bell?
- Qui êtes-vous? Êtes-vous belge? - Not Belgian, Jim Ferguson.
- Oh, an American. - You're Bertie, right?
Algy. Ginger. Not so good on faces, but monocles I never forget.
- How did you get here? - You wouldn't believe it.
Try us.
- I fell through a hole in time. - Oh, you can do better than that.
- It's the truth! - You have three seconds. One... two...
- OK! I'm an American secret agent. - What's your identification?
You do not want to see it. Come on, you know - we do not carry ID!
- Why are you wearing a towel? - Because I was taking a bath.
Release him.
- What have you done with my photo plate? - It's being developed.
For now my orders are to help you, guys. Any way I can.
We are ten miles behind enemy lines.
We're here to meet somebody who has information about the German weapon.
Could you start by getting me some clothes, please? It is freezing in here.
- Do you know each other? - Oh yes. We've met.
- Marie! - Who is Marie?
She's a girl Biggles met back in 1916.
Seems she was a German agent. Trying to trick Biggles and carrying messages over the lines.
She fell in love with him, though. And double-crossed her own side to save his neck.
Now both sides want her for the firing squad.
Don't worry. Biggles won't be taken in twice.
I have a map of them caves that lead to Blanche Fleur, It was where that they discovered the bodies.
- Do you know what it is in Blanche Fleur? - Nobody has seen it. Only what it does.
Here is the map.
You could not trust me, James. You must believe me.
I'm not working for either side any longer.
Don't become a nun. Yet.
I haven't... yet.
When this is over, I'll come back to you, I promise.
You must hurry.
Germans everywhere!
They got us trapped. Came from all sides.
-They must have had the whole place under surveillance. - We've been betrayed.
- We can't make a [gunfight] in here. - Not with these people.
Captain Eric Von Stalhein.
The famous Biggles. At last we meet. Face to face.
- Haven't you forgotten your iron mask? - I do not need armor to catch a spy.
But perhaps you came to this nunnery to take holy orders?
Nothing like that, old chap. I just sing in the quire.
Quire practices canceled today.
Just out of... curiosity. How did you know I was here?
One of our patrols spotted your plane, landing before daybreak.
When they told me...
an English plane had made a night landing and taxied across a narrow bridge...
I knew! ...it could only be the Great Biggles.
To the Gods of war.
To peace.
I would rather finished you myself - in the air!
The firing squad will not be nearly as enjoyable...!
But far less likely to butch the job.
RAUS!!
GRENADE!!
Tell them not to move! Or you'll be the first to sprout wings.
I'm not gonna put a bullet in your head, old boy, 'cause that's not the way we do business.
Merci, sister!
Jim, it is Debbie! Are you alright?
- Jim! - What are you doing here?
- Can I come in? - Can you wait a minute?
He's become a religious transvestite.
- What are you wearing that dress and hat for? - I told you it was personal.
Vow! Transvestite-bankrobber. That's not even in a book.
Now, listen, both of you. There is a very good explanation for all of this.
I sure hope so.
This is Dr. Charles Winthrop Dinsmore in the lobby.
I am a psychiatrist from New York city. One of my patients is staying with you, and...
I'm afraid I need a little help with him.
If you could arrange an ambulance, I'd be most grateful.
He's in room 1231.
Oh, and a couple of good, strong tendants, too.
- Is your patient dangerous? - Of course not!
He's just a little confused. He's wearing a nun's dress and has a gun...
- Did you say "a gun"? - Yeah, just a... normal... big gun.
- Jim, won't you please tell me, what's going on? - OK, Debbie, but I'm telling you - no one ever believes it.
I keep falling through this hole in time. Going back to 1917.
Go on.
- You believe me? - If you say so, Jim, I guess I believe you...
Debbie - I keep going back to World War One...
where I'm helping this guy named Biggles to find and destroy a German secret weapon.
Come on.
I'm Dr. Dinsmore.
Ah yes, sir. The, um... doorman has a parcel for you.
Jim, listen, please. I'm not saying I don't believe you about going back into the past and everything.
But will you promise me one thing?
- What? - Will you try to get some help?
Yeah, that's what we going to Tower Bridge for.
Would you cut the bridge story, I mean real help - psychiatric help.
- You just said you believed me! - Look, I'm sure all of this is very real to you.
Oh shit... Come on, we have no much time.
- I know nothing about a machine gun! I never [...] - Put him over here! - Hey! That's him! That's him!
Debbie, stay away. You got to stay away!
Over here!
- My God! Ferguson! - [...] It's the American chap!
Captain Bigglesworth, this is Debbie Stephens, my... nurse.
You shouldn't be here, miss Stevens. This is no place for a lady.
The Huns will be over the top any second! Stay close behind me!
- We can [...] into the cave system, sir. - [indistinct shouting] INCOMING!!
Into the cave, quickly!
Jim, tell me this is a horrible dream, or maybe something you [...]!
- Do you believe me now, I told you I keep going back to 1917. - OK, but can we go back? or forward?
Come on, Ferguson!
- Jim, this is all a big put-on, all this?
- Like "Fantasy Island", right? - Come on Debbie, it's not that bad, it's only WWI.
Yo, Biggles, hold on a second here!
- You mind tell me the plan? - We go through these caves to Blanche Fleur.
The ones Marie gave me the map of. We got to find out what kind of weapon they have.
This is the big offensive. I think that'll only be a matter of hours before they use it.
Good God, we gonna get buried alive!
Ah! I know, this is some kind of hallucination.
And this got to be... these mushrooms I ate on the plane.
Algy, that's too many "Celebrity Dinners" for you.
Stay close. Watch out for Huns.
I suppose that Blanche Fleur can't be far.
Bertie, come with me. Ginger, you and Algy draw back and cover us.
Jim, you and the... nurse - wait here.
Get down.
All clear, chaps!
This is it. We are in Blanche Fleur.
Algy, Ginger, cover the back.
- Looks like this town was nuked. - "Nuked"? What's that?
It's American slang word, it means to... over-react.
- What's that thing? - Wouldn't be surprised to see some Eskimos.
Let's take a look.
Ceramic tile. Like on a Space Shuttle.
What are you talking about?
What I'm saying is that these tiles are made to withstand a lot of heat.
They're using that dummies as targets.
They must be about to test the weapon.
- What does that horn mean? - That we shouldn't be here.
Get to the Igloo, quick!
Listen, she can fight.
[command in German]
Captain Von Stalhein.
For all that looks, sir, we're going to be that dummies.
I'm an American citizen, you have no right to treat me this way! Doesn't anybody speak English?!
Please somebody call the American Embassy. Two of us here are from the United States!
I can prove it. I have my passport. Somewhere in here...
Look, look - I have my passport, my driver's license, my credit card...
In that case, I also have my MACE! (tear gas)
Watch out for Huns, chaps.
They perfected a bloody sound weapon...
We've seen enough.
Let's go!
You two - stay here, until we get them cleaned out.
Ginger!
Now you understand I gotta see Colonel Raymond. I don't care how you do it, but ditch the cops.
Stop! Or we'll shoot!
Stand still or we'll shoot!
Don't move!
- Jesus! Where'd you come from? - I have no idea.
- It's the hole in Time, it keeps happening to me.
- What you call that? - That's a helicopter.
- Where're you trying to get to? - Tower Bridge.
- Mind if I borrow your ladder, sir? - Certainly not.
- It's got just beyond comprehension! - What happened to you?
I was in my plane.
The Huns have overrun our trenches.
I went up to try and locate the weapon.
Well, in Tower Bridge there's a man who's got your air photographs.
- All right man. I'll take this. - Thank you. - It's been a great sport...
Biggles!
Have I met you, sir?
I'm... William Raymond.
Captain Raymond... Good God!
How I've missed you, old friend.
I'm sorry, I... I did not recognize you.
The years have taken their toll.
It's the four of us. Bertie, Algy, Ginger and me!
Exactly.
It was taken when our unit received it's first commendation, and I was very proud of all of you.
That was only last month. Extraordinary!
- How did you get here? - He materialized, saved my life.
I would never've believed it, if I hadn't experienced it.
So... apparently the hole in time goes both ways.
It opens when one of the alters is in mortal danger.
Here is that photograph you need.
I developed the photographic plate Ferguson left with me.
Now the... weapon is very well camouflaged.
But I used computer enhancement to show it in more detail.
- Com... puter enhancement? - Never mind of it.
- I've marked the position of the weapon for you. - Right.
- Time we were off! - There's cops everywhere. - Anybody got an idea how we get out of here?
How will you get back... to the past?
I find a way.
Godspeed. To both of you.
Do what I do!
What're you gonna do?
What an ingenious contraption!
What are you doing?
You want to think of what you're doing! We got to get out of here before they see us!
Wait a minute! You not seriously gonna try to fly this thing! You do not know how!
- If you can fly a Sopwith Camel (WWI biplane), you can fly anything! - THERE THEY ARE!
Clever! The plane can be tilted to create an air-screw effect!
[Damn]! The little propeller in the back serves to compensate!
Why don't you get in?
Welcome aboard!
- Might take a little to get this under control! - Well, that's good! We don't have long!
- Try the autopilot! - "Otopilot"? What's that?
This one!
All right, don't try the autopilot!
- Don't worry, Jim! [...] England! - I think this might work! I know!
Biggles! The hole in time! We just went through it!
Absolutely, Ferguson!
Let's show the sausage Huns what this thing can do!
Bertie! Algy! Ginger! On your feet!
It is you! I could not believe my ears.
[...] when your plane crashed...
What on Earth is this thing? A flying windmill?
I'll explain later.
Right now I need a dozen Cooper bombs, a Lewis gun, plenty of ammunition... and a bit of luck.
Well, at least we can guarantee the bombs and the gun.
Ginger - get full battle kits for all of you. Machine guns and grenades.
- Are we going up in your windmill?
Afraid not. I'm gonna use it to attack the sound weapon.
I want the three of you to go to the convent. Protect the civilians.
The Huns may want to take their prizes.
- We'll change their minds, then. Let's go! - And...
look after Marie for me.
Come on, lads! Heads up! [...] do it!
You still with me, Ferguson? Whadda you say?
I say: "let's kick some ass". Old boy.
Ferguson! Look at the photograph Raymond gave you! The weapon should be straight ahead!
I fly straight into the sound weapon. Turn that voice box up to full power.
- Throw it out. - What? - The microphone! Throw it out onto the speaker!
- I'm gonna fight sound with sound. - Sounds crazy!
Hang on, old sport. Pick her up!
Here goes the power base!
Bye-bye to secret weapon...
I say we "nuked" it, eh?
Hold tight. I have a promise to keep.
Grenade?
Close to the civilians.
Maybe they listen to reason?
I say...
would you chaps consider surrendering?
Stay down, sister! We're not finished yet.
GET DOWN!!
Throw me the gun!
Thanks for your help, Ferguson.
I'll take charge of this man. Special Air Intelligence business.
Come with me.
- Well, did you finish the job? - Yeah, we finished it. - Good show.
- Did Biggles make it through the war? - Oh yes.
Biggles and his team continued to serve his country for many years afterwards.
- Is he still alive? - Sadly, I don't know.
Their last mission was on the High Plateau, in New Guinea.
So far no word has been received from him.
- I just, you know, started getting to like him, too. - Ah, didn't they do some consolation?
Look...
Will you, Deborah Stephens, have this man, James Ferguson to be thy wedded husband...
and live together according to God's law, in the holy state of matrimony...
Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health...
forsaking all others, keeping thee only unto to him, so long as you both do live?
I will.
The ring, please.
Quick! Untie us! Get out of here before they start realizing your not a God, you're just an American!
You know, you guys wouldn't taste too bad with a little saffron.
You think you guys were in hot water! I was just getting married!
It's a hell of a way to start the honeymoon...
- Hey Biggles, where are we going? - Come on, Ferguson!
© 2015 Victor Vacendak
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