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Goodafternoon,everyone. This isyourcaptainspeaking.
Sorryforthe delay. A fewmore minutes. Thanks foryourpatience.
-It 's been a haIf-hour Iate. -It aIways happens.
Everytime we fIy out of New York.
-We better not miss our connection. -We onIy have two hours.
-Can I heIp you? -I don't know. Can you?
-May I heIp you? -Why are we behind scheduIe?
Just a few more minutes. Can I get you something to drink?
I don't know. Can you?
Right this way.
-Thanks. -You're weIcome.
Hi. I'm Jennifer.
-Wait tiII the Iast minute to pack? -Nope. Got my first period.
Goodafternoon,everyone. This isyourcaptainagain.
We're makingourwayout and we'lltake offshortly. Enjoyit.
Does it gross you out to know that I'm bIeeding right now?
-Why shouId it? It 's just bioIogy. -We couId have sex right now...
and I wouIdn't get pregnant.
-Do you have orgasms? -That 's none of your business!
-You're stiII young. Are you ten? -12.
-Do you Iive in LA or New York? -LA.
Me too. My dad ran off, so my mom and I moved to CaIifornia.
-Your parents stiII together? -No. Yes!
-What 's that mean? -They are getting back together.
-That 's great. -Yeah, I have it aII pIanned out.
-You're getting them back together? -I've aIready taIked to my father.
And I'm gonna expIain to my mother how the divorce is ruining my Iife.
-Maybe they're not in Iove anymore. -You have to work at Iove...
...if you want it to Iast forever. -Who says Iove shouId Iast forever?
-They're married! -They're divorced!
They shared vows, made commitment. They have responsibiIities!
-Someone needs to remind them! -My mother says, if Iove is broken...
...you just have to throw it out. -That 's what 's wrong with grown-ups.
-They're Iazy. -You're an idiot!
-You're ugIy!
Try breathing. Take a deep breath. It 'II heIp you reIax.
I'm not not-reIaxed.
This is just how I am.
One, two, three, four, five...
six, seven, eight, nine...
HaIftime!
That'shalftime, with the Knights leadingthe Gophers 14 to 7.
It shouldcome asno surprise that thisyear'shomecomingking....
is the Knights' starquarterback CameronFitzgerald.
Andwhat goodisakingwithout aqueen?Let'sgive aroyalcheer...
to thisyear'shomecoming queen, JenniferBurrows!
Bow down to my queen and king!
-Jennifer Burrows? -Gopher!
Do you mock my queen?
I thinketh that you do! And for that you shaII die.
Die!
Die, Gopher!
-Run the head over! -No. No, don't!
-Are you aII right? -My head.
-You're gonna be okay. -No, my head. Where is it?
How's your head?
Not so good.
I'm so sorry.
You don't remember me, do you?
-No. ShouId I? -No.
We were on a pIane together once.
My God! Ryan?
You're Counting Ryan?
Of course I remember you. Once a month I remember you.
I must have toId that period on the pIane story, Iike, a miIIion times.
-Not me. -You wanna go grab a coffee?
What about your boyfriend, the king?
I don't have a boyfriend. Hate commitments.
Why Iimit yourseIf when there's aworId of possibiIities out there?
Maybe aII those possibiIities distract you from what you want.
-That 's why I don't watch cabIe. -What?
-There's too many choices. -LuckiIy your schooI has uniform.
You might have to pick out an outfit, and with aII the choices...
you might end up waIking out of your house naked.
-That 's dumb. -Yeah, you're pretty dumb.
-Don't caII me dumb! -Why not? It 's true.
You are, you're dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb!
No. You're dumb!
-So you wanna go? -No!
-Why not? -Because this... us...
-We don't cIick. -Since when?
Since now. Right now! Does this feeI Iike we're cIicking?!
I was onIy taIking about getting a cup of coffee.
-Maybe decaf for you. -It just doesn't make sense to me.
-Fine. -Fine.
-What time is it? -Time for me to Ieave for the airport.
ImpossibIe. I set my aIarm exactIy one minute before you had to Ieave.
I set mine three minutes before, just to be sure.
-I Iove you. -I Iove you.
-Gopher boy? -What 's wrong?
-Nothing. -It is you.
I don't beIieve it. Are you going to schooI here?
Yes.
-This is Betty. Betty, this is... -Jennifer. Hi, how are you doing?
-Gopher boy and I go way back. -PIease stop caIIing me that.
Okay.
WeII, I guess I shouId get going. It was good seeing you again.
-''Gopher boy''? -It 's a Iong story.
HeIp! Is somebody there?
A IittIe heIp here, pIease! Somebody. HeIIo?
Excuse me. HeIIo!
-Are you aII right? -I'm fine.
-You're Ryan, right? -Yeah.
I'm Hunter, your roomie.
-What were you doing in the trunk? -Right.
WeII, I got to the room first here before you...
and I thought it wouId be funny if I popped out and surprised you.
Surprise! And the rest is history.
We haven't even known each other for 2O seconds...
and aIready we have astory. This is gonna be great.
-So, how are you gonna teII it? -TeII what?
Our story. I know.
You'II say I was gasping for air, and you saved my Iife.
-WeII, I... -That 's a great way to teII it.
Chicks Iove drama. You're good, man.
-Thanks. -ReaIIy good!
I'm gonna have a hard time keeping up with you. Come here.
Man!
Four years.
So is she your high-schooI sweetheart?
-As a matter of fact, she is. -Good for you.
-Where's she going to schooI? -SeattIe.
-God. Long distance. -So?
-Good Iuck. -We don't need Iuck.
We have astrong reIationship. We weren't together over the summer...
and everything was fine.
-What was she gone? A month? -Six weeks, two days.
You visited back and forth maybe 3 times, caIIed each other every night?
-Right. You have to put in the work. -I've seen it happen a hundred times.
Last year, every Iong-distance reIationship in my dorm...
was over by the second semester.
-Just keeping it reaI. -Next in Iine, pIease.
-So where are you Iiving? -Herman HaII.
-I can give you some tips. -Do you Iive there?
No, but I do have friends there. I Iive off-campus with my boyfriend.
What? You have a boyfriend?
-Who? -MichaeI Winters, he's a musician.
-He's great. -You're Iiving with one guy?
You've made a commitment that prohibits choices in the name of Iove?
Isn't it crazy what faIIing head over heeIs can do to a person?
-Next, pIease. -That 's me.
I came as fast as I couId. What happened?
-He dumped me! -Why?
-He feII in Iove with somebody eIse! -God. Who?
I don't know who and I don't care! The point is that he dumped me!
How did you find out? I mean, did you catch them or something?
-God. In this bed? -No!
God! No, no! He just toId me!
-He toId you? -Yeah. We made that whoIe pact...
that if you meet somebody eIse you teII the other person.
No one ever takes that seriousIy. You say it to cover your own ass.
I'm reaIIy Iucky because my boyfriend is reaIIy IoyaI to his pacts.
-How did you find out? -At the cIub.
-Did he yeII it over the music? -No, no. It was the music.
-No! -Yeah. The same cIub where we met.
It was the same cIub where we first decided to move in together.
The same stage where he first sang ''Jennifer, This Heart Is Made For 2''.
And I'm sitting there, watching him, and thinking how much I Iove him...
and how I can't beIieve that I can Iove somebody that much.
And then he sang this brand-new song, a IittIe something caIIed...
Jennifer,Jennifer Youaskedme to be true
What canlsay? lfoundsomeone new
That 's horribIe.
ActuaIIy, it was pretty catchy.
By the second chorus, everybody was singing aIong.
-What did you do? -Nothing.
I don't think I've ever feIt this way before. I'm a compIete idiot!
Why didn't I Iisten to my instincts, you know what I mean?
Hey, Iook on the bright side. Now you get to move in with me.
I know things Iook pretty horribIe, but it 's just gonna take some time.
-That 's what my therapist says. -To heII with your therapist, Amy.
Because I just need to feeI better. Now!
''Doo doo be doo'' my ass!
It 's tough out there, man. You don't know how Iucky you are.
-Betty and I broke up. -What?
-You're kidding. When? -A coupIe of days ago.
-Why didn't you teII me? -I don't know.
I guess it 's just now kindasinking in.
This is great news. Now you and ''me'' can hit the circuit.
-''You and I''. -Right.
-I don't think so. -No, beIieve me.
It 's way easier with two of us. You pretend to be my idiot cousin.
AII of asudden, I'm sensitive. You get drunk, come out too strong...
I beat the shit out of you, I'm masculine.
-I don't think I'm ready for that. -We couId trade off.
-You can hit me first if you want. -It was two days ago.
-I think I need a IittIe time. -I'm sorry. You're hurting.
-Let 's get drunk and see strippers. -I'm not that hurt!
-PIease. -I'm fine.
Breaking up was the right thing to do. We were just...
going in different directions.
-Hit me. -No!
-Hurry, before she Ieaves. -Who?
-You know her? -Kind of.
-Okay, then I'II hit you. -No!
-How you been? -Good. You?
Great.
-So I see you're aII settIed in. -Yes.
-Did you get Fridays off? -Yes.
-I got Friday nights off. -I'm sure you do.
-Jennifer, this is Hunter. -Hi.
WeII, I'd Iove to stick around...
but I have to go to the station to pick up my cousin. He's an idiot.
My whoIe famiIy is, actuaIIy. Me too.
Yeah, me too. I'm an idiot. I'II see you.
I got dumped.
Music man. MichaeI. Dumped me.
How's Iong-distance Betty?
-I don't wanna taIk about it. -I just toId you about my breakup.
-I mean, it couIdn't be worse. -Why do you wanna know?
-Misery Ioves company. -No, you'II use it against me.
Okay, maybe I might have done that in the past, but I've changed.
I have. I'm scarred now and I Iook at Iife very differentIy.
Okay.
-You were right. -The Iong-distance thing. I knew it.
But not for me! I was fine with it. I wouId go there, she wouId come here.
If I toId her I'd caII her a certain time, no matter where I was...
-You wouId caII. -...I wouId caII!
If I toId her to caII me at a certain time, I wouId aIways be home.
I mean, I Ioved her. None of that ever seemed Iike work to me.
-But it did to her, right? -Yeah.
This one weekend, I was down there, we were kissing each other goodbye...
and her room-mate came by with her boyfriend, both carrying Iaundry.
And Betty just started crying.
I asked her, ''What 's wrong?'' She said:
We never get to do our Iaundry together.
She was right. We never did our Iaundry together, and that was it.
You broke up because of Iaundry?
-I send mine out. -Not Iaundry exactIy.
Just aII the things that coupIes do together and shouId do together.
We didn't have the time anymore. She couIdn't handIe that.
-Why didn't you move there? -SchoIarship.
-She couId've moved here. -Scholarship.
-So that was it? -Yeah.
-She needed what I couIdn't give her. -No.
There's a Iot of other things. Too many differences make it impossibIe.
MichaeI and I didn't agree on anything. Ever.
That 's what I Ioved about it. We fought, shouted...
had sex... That 's what I miss!
-That doesn't sound very heaIthy. -But what do you know about it?
-Excuse me? -Who are you to judge me?
-See? I knew this was a mistake! -What?
I'm just saying that you were in an unheaIthy reIationship.
It isn't about having to Iike things aII the time. It 's about surprises!
Love's exciting and it 's thriIIing and it drives you so insane...
that you think you're gonna expIode! That 's the whoIe point.
Then, I guess MichaeI didn't get the point.
You've never been to her apartment? That 's some weird shit.
No, it 's not!
She's just being carefuI. There's no point introducing me into her worId...
unIess she feeIs secure in our reIationship. I admire that.
What are you doing today?
I've got ascuba diving cIass at three.
ReaIIy?
No, that 's a Iie. I Iied. I can't stop. I'm Iying about everything!
It started so I can impress girIs. And now I can't stop.
-You shouId see someone about that. -Yeah, I am.
-No, you're not! -See? I can't stop! I can't!
TeII you what. The next time I catch you Iying...
I'II expose you for the fraud that you are.
-You wouIdn't. -I wouId.
-You're not Iying. -I'm not.
-What are you reaIIy doing today? -Dance cIass.
So my therapist keeps teIIing me to expand my horizons...
but with this guy aII I did was pretend to be someone I wasn't.
-And I can't handIe it anymore. -So you're breaking up with him.
Yeah, but do you think I'm being too cowardIy?
My therapist wants me to take more responsibiIity for my emotions...
but I just don't think this is the right time for that, you know?
It doesn't matter how you do it. Phone, fax, e-maiI, song...
it 's aII the same message: ''Adios, amigo''.
Okay, but you have to be nice about it.
Amy, are you breaking up with your boyfriend, or am I?
I wouIdn't caII him my boyfriend. I bareIy know the guy.
-So don't worry about it. -Yeah, but he just seems so sweet.
-I don't wannasee him get hurt. -I know.
What are you doing here?
I was coming to pick up Amy.
Interesting.
-What are you doing here? -I'm Amy's room-mate.
-Is she here? -We need to taIk.
-We're not right together?! -I'm teIIing you what she toId me.
-You shouIdn't take it personaIIy. -Why do peopIe say that?
How can I not take it personaIIy? It 's me she doesn't Iike!
-Okay, fine. Take it personally. -Why didn't she teII me?
-She didn't want to hurt you. -And you did?!
No. I didn't know it was you.
I knew it was a Ryan, but I didn't know it was you, Ryan.
-WeII, this sucks! -''NoIi nuntium necare''.
-What? -Latin. ''Don't kiII the messenger''.
You know what?7 You're having too much fun with this.
I'm trying not to!
Try harder!
Look, it 's not funny.
I'm not Iaughing at you. Chicks Iove making us jump through hoops.
-This isn't a hoop. We broke up! -No, it 's a test.
She's testing you to see how much you reaIIy want her.
-You think? -I know.
You've gottaswim across the moat, bust down the castIe door...
sIay the dragon. No euphemism. And sweep her off her feet.
-You're right! -Of course I am.
You're absoIuteIy right! We were great together. I even made a chart!
-I'm sure you did. -It proved how perfect we were.
Now aII I have to do is prove it to Amy.
-What? -You've gotta do more than that.
-You've gottaweep. OpenIy. -You should've quit while ahead.
Squeeze the Iids. Turn on the sprinkIers. You need the tears...
of a man who can't breathe another second without the Iove of his Iife.
HoId on.
I got just the thing. Here.
-What 's this? -Icy BaIm.
A IittIe dab under your eyes, you'II sob Iike a miss America.
Wish me Iuck. Today I Iearn second position.
Ladies!
Do you know that they rearranged aII the desks in the Iibrary?
-No! -Yeah. It 's compIeteIy different.
I spent 2 hours to find my desk, and if it wasn't for the Diet Coke stain...
I wouIdn't have found it at aII. They put it on the third fIoor.
Not the second, not the fourth. The third. Number three.
-And that wouId be a bad thing? -PIease. It 's a disaster!
-You wanna hear about the breakup? -I totaIIy forgot. Was it horribIe?
-You think we can stiII be friends? -I don't know. He seemed shook up.
-Poor guy. -Wanna hear the weird part?
-I kinda know him. -You do?
Yeah, we run into each other once in awhiIe.
Do you think I did the right thing in having you break up with him?
-I don't know. -I do.
It was just putting too much pressure on me.
-Yeah, I can see that. -But maybe that 's what I need.
What if that 's him?
My God, you're crying! He's crying!
Why are you doing this to me? It 's over. Do you understand me?
Ryan? Ryan! It 's not so bad. PeopIe break up aII the time.
I can't see!
I think I'm bIind!
Nice patch.
-Thanks. You didn't have to wait. -I'm not waiting.
Can't a girI enjoy a IoIIipop in front of the Free HeaIth Center?
Who also feels maybe a little bit responsibIe.
You didn't do anything.
I didn't put the Icy BaIm in your eye, but I did break up with you.
-Remember? -Yep.
-Where are you going? -For awaIk.
-Try to forget today ever happened. -Can I come?
What for?
Can't a girI enjoy awaIk with her ex-boyfriend?
WiII the girI continue to refer to herseIf in the third person?
-Did Ryan WaIker just make ajoke? -I don't know. Let me ask him.
You know, you're pretty funny when you're depressed.
-WeII, get ready for comedy. -Another one!
A few more, I'II take you back to the cIinic to fix your busted gut.
-You Iost it. -Not funny?
Let 's put it this way: anymore of those, and we'II break again.
Come on, this is it! Round arms! Seven! Eight!
-How's it going? -Get ready!
EIeven, ready spiraI!
How are you doing?
Other way.
PuII out!
Excuse me. Question: ExactIy how far can you bend over?
-Do you come here a Iot? -Yeah.
-It 's reaIIy beautifuI. -One of the greatest achievements.
You're the second person to caII me that this week.
-You know the onIy way to buiId it? -AIien sIaves from outer space?
Perfect pIanning. And doesn't it make so much sense?
You examine asituation, you pIan a course of action, you execute it.
And everything works out fine.
But it doesn't.
WeII, that 's because most things in Iife just aren't that simpIe.
Does that Iook simpIe to you?
You can't imagine how compIicated something Iike that is to create.
-I thought you used it as a metaphor. -I did.
-For a reIationship. -Yes.
-Yeah, that 's what I thought. -I mean...
I know I didn't know Amy incredibIy weII...
but it just feIt Iike everything added up.
-Are you a Math major? -No, StructuraI Engineering.
-I'm done with it. -Engineering?
ReIationships.
They're just too much. It 's not worth it.
''Assentior''.
-I hear you, brother. Latin. -What is it with the Latin?
-My major. -Latin?
-Yeah. -Why?
-Why not? -What are you gonna do with it?
I'm going to ItaIy for my graduate schooI!
And after that?
I don't know.
See? You're amazing. I couId never do that.
-You mean not have a pIan? -Or something.
But... then again, why wouId you ever need a pIan?
I'm sure you've aIways had aII you wanted, whether you knew it or not.
You know, that 's true.
The first time I reaIIy wanted something and went for it...
it was MichaeI. And it turned out great!
I just figured you being ajunior, you'd have it aII figured out by now.
-That 's what you think, huh? -No, but I'm dumb. Isn't that right?
And uptight. And ugIy, if I remember correctIy!
No, I said aII of that before I was on Prozac.
-You're on Prozac? -I wish.
It 's ajoke.
It 's okay.
I shouId go. I stiII have some more studying to do. FinaIs.
Me too. I'm gonnastay.
AII right.
-So I'II see you around. -Yeah.
I'm sorry about Amy.
It 's okay.
-Did you get aII your cIasses? -AII but one.
-The eIusive one. -Yes.
-So did you have a good summer? -Yeah.
-I just went back to LA. You? -Stayed here.
Learned how to butter bageIs for a Iiving. It 's surprisingIy easy.
-You swipe it once back and forth. -I take mine pIain.
-Of course you do. -No reguIations for the Internet!
-So summer was good? -Yeah.
Everything's good. It 's good.
Jennifer, are you okay?
I pushed him away. I IiteraIIy did everything in my power...
...to make sure that he dumped me! -ObviousIy, you didn't Iike him.
No, that 's the thing. I thought it was just asummer fIing...
but I actuaIIy started to Iike him!
Then why'd you push him away?
I don't know. I just...
-It 's just such a pain in the ass! -Yes. Yes, it is.
What about you? Did you get any this summer?
-WeII, I... no. -You've got the right idea.
You know, we shouId do this again sometime.
Not the whoIe crying thing, but, you know... this.
Sure.
Good.
Just another Iawsuit.
-Hello. Wannago do something? -No!
-Youhaven't heardmyproposal. -It 's the beauty of our friendship:
I don't need to hear your proposaI to know that my answer is ''no''.
I am the beauty in our friendship.
-I'm hanging up now. -You can't.
-Give me one goodreason! -'Cause...
I've rigged an expIosive device to your phone, and your pIace wiII bIow.
WeII, I've been burned before, so...
Come on. lcan't studyanymore.
I'm getting too smart. PeopIe wiII start shunning me.
-OnIy if you beg me. -I just did.
In Latin.
Come on!
-You weren't gonna go. -I was too!
-You weren't going! -Ladies first.
Okay. Fine.
Why don't I count for you?
-Okay. -AII right.
One.
Two.
-Three! -Three. Here we go.
-You know, I can't heIp you. -You can heIp me at the bottom.
Do you think I'd Iook good with a goatee?
No.
Wait! This is crazy! I'm not a naturaI dancer.
-No one in my famiIy is! -Just move. Have fun!
We're here to have fun. You, me and that pubic hair on your chin.
Just foIIow him and do what he does!
Where are you going? It 's this way, man!
-This isn't so bad. -Good!
Come here.
You've never been with awoman before?
I've Iived with the monks my whoIe Iife. UntiI yesterday.
I waIked into the monsignor's office, turned in my rosary beads and coIIar...
got my deposit back, and now here I am...
pIaying this strange game of sticks and baIIs.
-It 's caIIed pooI. -PooI.
-I have so much to Iearn. -I'II teach you.
Here. Okay.
No, put your...
-Don't hurt him! He's a priest! -I'm a priest!
How wouId you Iike to have a reIigious experience with that cue stick?
PIease.
Run, father, run!
So, do you wanna come up and dry off?
-I don't know. Is Amy there? -ProbabIy.
-No, I think I'm just gonna go home. -Gottawrite in your diary?
-Something Iike that. -Okay.
As much as I hate to admit this...
...I had fun tonight. -Me too. It was good, cIean fun.
Maybe we couId go there once aweek and do our Iaundry.
It 's cheaper than the pIace I take mine to.
More aIcohoI.
What 's up?
-Did you kids go swimming? -Yeah.
That 's great. So what 's going on now?
Because my pIans kinda feII through.
I invited Ryan up, but he's going home to bed.
ReaIIy?
-I'm tired! -He's tired.
Yeah.
I'm kinda... tired myseIf.
ActuaIIy, we shouId get outta here.
Good night.
You coming?
I gotta hand it to you, man. Very cooI back there.
-Are you okay? -Yeah, I'm fine.
She begs you to come up, and you hoId back. She's going nuts right now.
-I don't think so. -Did you hear how she said ''bed''?
-You can aImost smeII the Iinens! -You're way off on this one.
-No, I don't think so. -Are you in a hurry?
-No. Why do you ask? -That 's him! Get him!
Come on!
-Let 's go! -Better start praying, father!
-Who the heII was that? -I have no idea.
Listen, best thing for you to do is just forget it ever happened.
-Forgotten yet? -No!
-How about now? -Man, no.
Jeez, you're Iike an eIephant.
Great. You're just in time for cookies!
-They Iook good. -No. Not those.
I thought it 'd be nice to have asnack when you got home...
but I didn't know when that 'd be, so I guessed and made a batch around 9...
but they burnt. So I did another one around 9:3O, and then they burnt.
So I waited a IittIe Ionger before the third batch, and now you're home.
It 's perfect. They'II be ready in about two minutes.
-Why are you wet? -Ryan and I went dancing.
-Are you in Iove with him? -What?
-Are you? -No.
-I don't beIieve you. -What? We're just friends.
-Yeah, but he's in Iove with you. -ActuaIIy, no. I don't think so.
Then what do you do aII the time that you're together?
I don't know. We do stuff. We taIk about stuff.
-Why? You have me for that. -It 's nice to have a guy's opinion.
About who has the best pizza and who has the best tits?
Gino's Pizzeria, Susan Sarandon. Why are you acting so weird?
You're the one who's acting weird. You're the one spending...
aII your time with a guy that you're not even interested in.
My therapist thinks that you may have some issues.
-You're taIking to her about me? -Of course I am. I worry about you.
Listen, if you ever need to taIk, I'm here.
-I Ieft her number on your piIIow. -Whose?
My therapist 's. Good night.
See that guy there? He's the kind of guy who waIks with his feet...
if you know what I'm saying.
-Come on, you do it. -Okay.
-She Iikes crackers in her soup. -No.
-What do you mean, no? -That 's wrong.
-No, it 's not! -Yes, it is.
-Why? -It 's ajudgement.
-Some peopIe don't eat crackers. -ExactIy.
No, the point is to judge where there's no judgement to be made.
-It 's a non-judgmentaI judgement. -No, no. That 's stupid.
No, it 's not. It 's funny. I'm Iaughing.
Yeah, 'cause it 's stupid!
Wanna hear something even more stupid? I'm going on a date tonight.
-ReaIIy? -Do you think I'm nuts?
-No, I think it 's great. -ReaIIy?
-Yeah. -You shouId bet back in the saddIe.
No, I'm the kinda cowboy that doesn't Iike to ride.
-See? That one's not funny. -Yeah, I know.
Ladies. How are we doing?
Hey, it 's beautifuI out, huh?
No, I'm not good at that kinda thing. You shouId caII Hunter.
After investment banking, I decided to do something for myseIf.
I seII for ten years. I reached a point in my Iife, I said...
''I don't wanna do aII the work''.
Jen! Thank God you're here, sis!
BiIIy, what 's wrong? Kurt, this is BiIIy, my brother.
-BiIIy, this is Kurt. -Nice to meet you, BiIIy.
-I was teIIing her about my boat. -There's no time for boats!
-Why? What happened? -It 's mother. She's sick!
My God. What happened?
-I just toId you. She's sick! -Sick how?
Yeah. Sick how?
You know! Sick Iike the Iast time!
No, I wasn't there Iast time. ExpIain it to me.
There's no time for questions! Mother is sick. We have to go!
Sorry.
-Are you insane? -You were great!
''Sick how?'' I feIt Iike such an idiot!
Ryan, you were great in there. ReaIIy!
Thanks.
Thank you.
Man!
You know, next time I was thinking about trying it with a Iimp.
Baby steps, Ryan. Baby steps.
-Tonight? No, it 's tomorrow night. -No, they changed it.
-Who did? Ryan? -No.
-WeII, I can't go. -Why not? What are you doing?
Staying in! I was pIanning on staying in.
I was gonna give myseIf a manicure, a pedicure and do a conditioning.
-Can't you do aII that this afternoon? -No, because I have cIass.
I have to taIk to my professor about my paper due on Monday...
that I was gonna finish whiIe my naiIs were drying and proof Iater!
So that everything wouId be done before the party.
-Can't you do aII that tomorrow? -No.
Tomorrow I'II be rushed and tired, and I have to get everything done!
-I can't beIieve they changed it! -It 's Friday. You got aII weekend.
What 's that supposed to mean?
That 's Iike on Monday saying you've got aII week.
Yummy.
-What do they want? -Who?
They. The chiquitas.
I'm busting my ass trying to fit into their moId...
of what makes an interesting guy. I cannot figure out what they want.
What do you want?
I don't know. Get Iaid. Have fun. Have someone Iove me for who I am.
And who is that exactIy?
You're absoIuteIy right. What 's wrong with being from the country?
A simpIe kid raised on fresh eggs and good vaIues who had to get up...
at the crack of dawn every morning with a dog named Lucky by his side...
...to heIp his pawith the cattIe. -Hunter...
you're not from the country.
Jeez, Ryan, what do you want me to say?
''Hi, my name's Steve. I grew up in the suburbs with two working parents...
two sisters and a two-car garage. I have no reaI identity...
nor do I have a cIue what I'm doing or what I wanna be. Wanna go out?''
-Your name is Steve? -The whoIe point of coIIege...
...it 's where you reinvent yourseIf. -It 's where you define yourseIf.
-Your name is Steve?! -Yes.
And I'm not so crazy about Steve. Why wouId anyone eIse be?
-That 's who you are! -ReaIIy? It 's just that easy?
Then drop the cooI guy act and go teII Jennifer how you reaIIy feeI about her.
What?
But you'd better do it quick, before she Ieaves with that guy.
I don't feeI that way about her.
Seeing her with that guy right now doesn't bother you?
No. She goes on dates aII the time. We taIk about her dates.
-And you're fine with that? -Yes!
-HonestIy. -Yes.
Okay, then how come you're here aII by your Ionesome, huh?
If you're waiting for a girI to do aII the work, you are mistaken.
-They don't do things that way. -Excuse me. Is your name Ryan?
-Yeah. -You're in my Statistics cIass.
Nice.
What are the odds?
You're Engineering, right? I'm EIectricaI.
Not me. My major.
Can you beIieve how much work they give us? But I Iike it...
because many peopIe fIoat Iike negative ions with no pIace to go.
I'm a Iaser. I know what I want and I go straight for it.
I feeI Iike there's an armature spinning in my head.
-You wannasit down? -Sure.
ActuaIIy, I was just Ieaving.
-It 's because I'm too forward? -No. Not at aII.
There's just these two assignments that I've been putting off.
I toId my girIfriend that I wouId meet her twenty minutes ago.
-You have a girIfriend? -Yes, I do.
-Now I feeI reaIIy so stupid. -You're not. I reaIIy have to go.
Hey, sis!
-You okay? -Yeah, I'm great. Thanks, BiIIy.
So I'm gonna take off, then.
-Okay. -See you, bro.
-So, how did you get rid of him? -We fooIed around for awhiIe.
-Then I said I had an earIy cIass. -Wait. You fooIed around?
HoId on. When we're taIking about fooIing around...
are we taIking about fooIing around or...?
We're taIking about... fooIing around.
-It 's not Iike we had sex. -I didn't say that.
-CouIdn't find a condom. -You wouId have?!
Yeah. ProbabIy.
I have midterms coming up. I gotta reIieve the stress somehow.
-That 's amazing! -What?
That on any given date the possibiIity exists that you'II have sex with a guy.
Isn't that the point of dating? PossibiIities?
It 's not Iike I know what 's gonna happen in advance. I don't.
Sometimes it 'd be awhoIe Iot easier to have sex than have to sit there...
...and think of something cIever to say. -Okay, granted.
I haven't been in that situation in a Iong time...
but I just can't sIeep with somebody unIess I Iike them.
-So you think I'm asIut? -I didn't say that!
-We're just different. -Yeah, you sIeep with no one.
-So? -''So''?
Do you know any other singIe 2O-year-oId coIIege guys...
who never sIeep with anyone? Who don't even try?
-Maybe you're trying too hard. -Ryan, you don't try at aII.
I just think that it might be making things weird between us.
What are you taIking about?
Are we friends? I mean, am I your friend...
or have I just become your girIfriend substitute?
-Are you serious? -Yeah.
It 's Iike, with me in your Iife, you never have to try.
It 's the beauty of our reIationship. You'II just never get hurt again...
as Iong as you pretend I'm your girIfriend.
Yeah.
Maybe we shouIdn't hang out anymore.
Ryan!
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that.
-Yeah, you did. -No!
I Iove hanging out with you. You're my favorite person in the worId.
-I don't wanna change anything. -Maybe you're right.
No, I'm wrong! You're just waiting for the right girI to come aIong...
and you don't take sex IightIy. I think that that 's a great quaIity.
No, I think I am hiding behind you or us.
-There was this girI at the party... -A girI girI? You didn't teII me.
-I just bIew her off! -Why?
I don't know.
-I shouId have given her a chance. -Yeah. You shouId have.
WeII, you stiII can. And why not, right?
Yeah. Why not?
-So, is she cute? -Yeah, I guess.
-Is she cuter than me? -No!
She's thinner.
Let me get thisstraight. You thinkthat's totallynormal?
Yes!
I have the exact same top. How come it Iooks better on her?
Because she's anorexic, has fake boobs and a personaI trainer.
Are you saying I shouId get my boobs done?
-Yeah, totaIIy. -Okay. Come on!
-You can't say this ain't fun! -No, can't I?
When's the Iast time we did this? Just you and me. It 's nice.
-Amy, of course it 's nice. -I have an idea.
What if you had to, you know, faiI a coupIe of cIasses and move back?
WouId that be so bad?
I mean, it 's just that ItaIy's so incredibIy far away!
Yeah, that 's the beauty of it.
What about me? What am I supposed to do next year?
Nothing. Just Iike you did this year.
Maybe with me gone, you'II get off your fat ass and have some fun.
I don't wanna do nothing without you. And I don't wanna have fun.
-And I have a great ass. -You do. No, you have a great ass.
-What are you doing? -I'm kissing you.
God. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
I don't know why I did that. I just reaIIy wanted to kiss you.
-My God! I'm such an idiot! -Amy? Amy, it 's...
Hey, buddy, watch this.
It 's Iike a bridge.
It is a bridge.
Yeah, you're absoIuteIy right.
-Is Katie coming? -She's gonna meet us at the bar.
ReaIIy? This is great. This is great!
-She'II experience the new me. -This ought to be good.
No, I'm serious. No more Iies. It 's Iike you said, buddy.
I don't need to pretend for someone eIse to Iike me.
-That 's good! -What you see is what you get.
Hunter unpIugged.
Don't you mean Steve unpIugged?
-So Megan seems nice? -Yeah, she is.
That PauI guy... didn't you go out with him a coupIe times before?
-Yeah. It 's working out. -Good for you.
Jen, Megan here has never been to the automotive museum.
Imagine that.
Did you read how the zoo animaIs tried to reorganize their cages...
in aIphabeticaI order? ApparentIy the aardvarks started it.
That 's right. But the zebras vetoed it.
-Yeah. How did you know? -I don't know.
-I don't get it. -Me neither.
So, Katie, how are you Iiking BerkeIey?
-It 's a bit overwheIming, you know? -Katie's a doubIe major here.
-I don't know how she does it. -How do you do it?
I can bareIy juggIe napping and sIeeping.
This may sound weird, but I spend a Iot of time with the eIderIy.
-That doesn't sound weird. -It sounds a IittIe weird.
When you're sitting with someone who's been through two wars...
marriages, kids, grandkids, money probIems and disease...
getting a B on a BioIogy exam just doesn't seem Iike a big deaI.
I think we shouId do what the Eskimos do:
kick the oId peopIe out of the igIoos, Ieave them for poIar bears and storms.
The minute they can't go on the big hunt, you gotta get rid of them.
I mean, otherwise they'II just suck us dry. Bastards.
-You're kidding, right? -No, not at aII.
And take away their driver's Iicense too whiIe you're at it.
What?
So you're not aIIowed to have an opinion anymore? I did what you said!
I wasn't just agreeing for the sake of it, I wasn't just...
making things up so it wouId Iook Iike we had something in common.
I did what you said. I was being honest.
Yeah, but you don't have to say everything that comes in your head!
So now I'm being too honest? I don't know what you want from me.
I don't know what anyone wants from me.
So, what happened?
The whoIe beauty of PauI is that he was never going to settIe down.
Then he feII in Iove with me. Nothing worse than a bad boy gone soft.
-Don't I know it? -He stopped drinking, taking drugs.
-He even stopped cheating on me. -No wonder you dumped him.
It just wasn't working out, you know?
-What 's up with what 's her name? -Megan.
-Whatever. -It 's okay.
-That 's it? -What am I supposed to say?
WeII, do you Iike her? Is she the one?
I don't know. I'm working on it.
-You're the one who wanted to go. -I thought I wouId feeI better.
-And? -I don't know.
-It 's such a Iot of buIIshit! -BuIIshit?
Show me a movie that takes pIace 6 months after they get together...
...when everything faIIs apart. -Jennifer...
It 's just that I don't think that any of us know who we reaIIy are.
So how are we supposed to know who Mr. Right is?
How do you know he's Mr. Right? Is it because you wear bIack...
drink cappuccino, you both have tattoos?
Who here has ever been dumped?
And who here has dumped someone?
We've aII been in Iove. But we never know that it 's not true Iove...
untiI it 's over. What if there's no ''one''?
Or ''two'', or ''three'', or ''four'' or ''five''?
What if there's no such thing as true Iove...
but we're too afraid to admit it, so we keep on dressing up?
We keep on pretending to be something that we are not?
We keep turning our Iives upside down, Iosing ourseIves...
in something that we hope is better than what we think that we are?
What if that something that we're Iooking for...
just doesn't exist?
-Are you okay? -Yeah, fine.
I was just working on my fear of pubIic speaking.
Why does everything just have to be so...
...just so? -I don't know.
-You're shaking. -You Iet me drink aII that caffeine.
-I don't know what 's wrong with me. -Maybe you're getting your period.
Yeah, maybe.
Wait a second...
No.
-Where are you going? -CIass.
No, you're staying right here. Where I can see you.
-I reaIIy have to go. -You never go to cIass.
-I know. That 's why I have to go. -Wait. I'II make us breakfast.
It 's okay. I'm Iate.
I'II see you Iater.
Is this about Megan?
No.
I'm gonna teII her.
Maybe you shouIdn't.
We'II taIk about this Iater. Okay?
Yeah, okay.
Stay as Iong as you Iike, and you know where everything is.
Jen!
-I have to taIk about what happened. -Amy, it 's okay.
No, it 's not okay. But it is okay, because I've been thinking about it...
and I think what happened is that you're my best friend and I Iove you...
and I got jeaIous when you were spending so much time with Ryan...
and then with you graduating. And then I think in aweird way...
I was trying to keep things the way they were, and I did that...
because I was afraid of Iosing you. Isn't that amazing?
Yeah, without therapy! I came up with it on my on.
I was thinking about aII the time we spent together, then it hit me:
by kissing you, I was trying to prevent change.
But maybe change isn't aIways catastrophic.
Before we met, I didn't know you at aII, right?
-Right. -That was a change.
That was a great change! I Ioved that change!
Who knows? Maybe I'II kiII myseIf by midterms next year...
but, then again, maybe I won't. Maybe it 'II be okay.
That 's the beauty of change. You never know how it wiII work out.
-So everything's okay? -Yeah, never been better.
-You know Ryan's in your bed? -Yeah.
-You know he's naked, right? -Yeah.
-You know I'm curious, right? -Yeah.
So? What happened?
I think I was afraid of Iosing him.
Megan!
I'm the one who toId him to start dating, and then he did.
I didn't get to see him much, then the thing with PauI happened...
...and seeing him with Mary... -Megan.
Whatever. I just wanted to be with him.
It was a huge mistake. Huge, big, fat mistake.
We're friends. We're great as friends.
-What are you gonna do about it? -I have no idea!
He takes this so seriousIy, and the Iast thing I wanna do is hurt him.
Go to heII, Ryan! Go to heII!
What if I'm in Iove with her?
-Are you? -I don't know. Maybe.
-What does that mean? -I don't know. I just...
don't want things to be weird with us.
Buddy, if you're Iooking to me for answers, I'm fIattered...
but you've come to the wrong pIace.
If I just pretend nothing happened, I'II be Iying to myseIf...
about feeIings I might be feeIing.
But if I teII her how I am feeIing, she'II run. That 's what she does.
I know that better than anyone. That 's the Iast thing I want.
Being yourseIf, not being yourseIf. WeIcome to my worId.
-Does this feeI weird to you? -Yes!
-Maybe we shouId taIk about this. -I think that wouId be good.
Things might get strange between us because of what happened Iast night...
...and I don't want that to happen. -Me neither.
`Cause we're too good together to Iet that come between us.
-It was a mistake. -You think so?
-Yes. -I think you're right.
I think that we just got carried away in the moment and...
...you know. -Yes.
Last night was reaIIy speciaI to me, because you're reaIIy speciaI to me.
But that 's aII it was. It was an incredibIy speciaI night.
I got worried that maybe we'd give it more importance than we shouId.
No. I'm totaIIy with you.
Great.
-You didn't teII Megan, did you? -No, no.
-It 's probabIy better not to. -Yeah.
-I feeI so much Iighter. Do you? -Yes.
-You wanna go fiII up on vittIes? -Sure.
ActuaIIy, I shouIdn't. I'd Iike to, but I stiII have some studying to do.
-ReaIIy? -Yeah. It 's pretty important.
-Okay. You caII me? -I wiII.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
This isRyan. Leave amessage.
Hey, it 's me.
Where have you been? What 's going on?
Okay. Youknow the number. Bye.
-This isRyan. Leave amessage. -Hey,it'sme again.
Guesslthought lmight catchyou at home. lseverythingokay?
Wouldyoucallme back,please? Allright,bye.
Ryan WaIker, where the heII have you been?
-Where have you been? -Studying.
What 's going on? How are you?
-Good. Busy. -Yeah, me too.
I'm aII done. It 's ''Goodbye, BerkeIey'' and ''HeIIo, reaI worId''.
You wanna go do something?
No. You know, I shouId reaIIy get back to studying.
Okay.
-So I guess I'II see you around. -But I'm gone in a few days.
Guess you won't have time to pIan my ''bon voyage'' party.
-Yeah. ItaIy. -Yeah.
-You must be excited. -You know me.
Any excuse not to shave under my armpits.
-I'II be here. -Yeah? When is your Iast exam?
-Do you wanna go ceIebrate? -No, I'm Ieaving right after it.
Okay.
I guess we'II taIk.
-What 's going on? -What?
-What? This. What is this? -I don't know. Nothing's going on.
ReaIIy? I ran into Megan, and she toId me that you broke up with her.
Is that what this is about? I toId you not to teII her anything.
Yeah, I know.
-WeII, are you upset? -No.
-So what 's going on? -I don't know! Things are different!
But I thought we taIked about that.
I thought that we said that we didn't want anything to be different.
I thought we said that having sex was just a huge mistake.
It was weeks ago now. I thought we'd go back to being just friends.
-Why was it a mistake? -What?
You and me. Why was that a mistake? I'm curious.
We've aIready taIked about it. You wanna go over it again?
No, you wanna taIk? Let 's taIk!
Was it a mistake because anything Iike reaI intimacy freaks you out?
Or just that I'm not good enough for you?
Ryan, you kissed me, and I responded...
but I wouIdn't have done it if I thought it was going to end our friendship.
And neither wouId I.
Ryan, if I couId take it aII back, I wouId.
Take it. It 's yours. Put it on the sheIf with aII your other one-night stands.
Why are you doing this?
That night was as much asurprise to me as it was to you...
but being with you is Iike going to a pIace I had never been before!
Then, after you feII asIeep, I just Iaid there, staring up...
at those cheap fIuorescent stars you have stuck on your ceiIing...
and after awhiIe they just started forming a pattern...
this weird pattern that Iinked together our entire reIationship.
And everything seemed cIear to me, Iike one IogicaI progression.
We're the greatest pIan ever made, and I had nothing to do with it!
You made me feeI that maybe I didn't have to keep pIanning anymore...
because it feIt Iike I was actuaIIy Iiving...
and that for once I wouIdn't have to work so hard at being happy.
That it couId just happen.
Nothing wiII ever hurt me as much...
as your reaction to that same experience.
-Ryan... -What? What?
You wanna go to the Iibrary and pretend Iike nothing happened?
I can't do that.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what to say.
Look, you don't have to say anything.
I have to go. Have fun in ItaIy.
-I'm gonna miss you so much! -I'm gonna miss you too.
E-maiI me about anything, okay?
You know, schooI, food, taII dark handsome ItaIian guys.
-I want to know everything. -Okay. You gottastop crying now.
Yeah, you stop crying.
I'm the one Iooking down the barreI of avery IoneIy finaI year.
Jennifer?
Jennifer.
-Where are you going? -ItaIy.
-Right now? -Miss!
-How are Ryan's exams going? -Good. They're going good.
-He's doing okay? -He's doing great. He couIdn't...
That 's a Iie. He's in Iove with someone who's not in Iove with him.
-How do you think he is? -Are we gonna go?
I Iove you.
-Hi. -Hi.
-Are you a friend of Jennifer's? -Yeah. I'm Amy.
Amy? Yeah, I've heard of you, of course. Nice to meet you.
And your name?
What 's your name?
My name?
Yeah. You know, it 's...
it 's Steve. My name is Steve.
It 's nice to meet you, Steve.
Going to Europe for the summer?
-Yeah. I just graduated. -CongratuIations.
-Thanks. -In what?
-Latin. -Latin? How interesting.
What are you gonna do with that?
I have no idea.
Don't worry. I spent four years at coIIege studying EngIish.
-I didn't have a cIue. -ReaIIy?
ReaIIy. Now I run my own company.
You'II figure out what you want.
Whywasit amistake? Wasit because anythingthat getsclose...
to realintimacy freaksyouout?
-Stop the van! -What?
-CouId you pIease stop the van? -I can't puII over!
-PuII over, I'm getting out! -I can't. We're in the freeway!
Ryan?
Nothingwillever hurt me asmuch...
asyourreaction to that same experience.
Am?
-What are you doing here? -I don't know.
What 's wrong? What happened?
I don't know. I just... I just can't...
Is somebody here?
-Yeah. -Who?
It doesn't matter. Just teII me what 's wrong.
Amy, who's here?
-Hunter? -Hunter?!
-Hunter! -It 's a Iong story.
-Hunter, where's Ryan? -He's on his way back to LA.
-He was catching the 4:OO shuttIe. -4:OO?
-Which airIine? -Sky Southwest.
Thank you.
Hunter?
You can caII me Tiger.
Goodafternoon, folks. Sorryabout the delay.
We'llbe headedout for the runwayinjust aminute.
-Can I heIp you, sir? -I don't know. Can...
you bring me a gIass of water, pIease?
I'm sorry, sir. You're gonna have to wait tiII we're airborne.
It wiII just be a few minutes.
''Te amo.''
''Te amo'', Ryan WaIker.
-I think she's taIking to you. -PIease, you have to take your seat.
Did you hear what I said?
I Iove you and I'm not going to ItaIy. I'm staying here with you.
-It 's too Iate. -No.
Everything that you said about that night, I feIt it too...
and it scared me. I was scared to Iose you.
But I was even more scared to Iet myseIf Iove you...
because every time I Iet Iove in, somebody takes it away...
and it just hurts so bad. But I'm tired of being afraid.
Ma'am, I need you to turn around and put your seatbeIt on.
I just made the most important decision in my entire Iife...
and you want me to put on the seatbeIt?
Yes, I do.
Okay.
What about six months from now? How do I know you'II be happy then?
How do I know you'II be happy? How do we know anything?
-The pIane isn't gonna crash? -We're gonna crash?
I'm not asking you again. You're required to fasten your seatbeIts!
I need you. That 's a reaIIy hard thing for me to accept...
but it 's awhoIe Iot easier than imagining my Iife without you.
I wanna do Iaundry with you, Ryan.
But you send your Iaundry out.
-Not anymore. -You wannaswitch?
Yeah!
WiII you two pIease sit down?!
-What? What is it? -The Iaundry thing is a metaphor?
Don't worry. I'II show you how.
-One, two, three, four... -Try breathing. It 'II heIp reIax.
...eight... -Trust me.
That 's IoveIy. My mother wears the same scent.
Looking for something in particuIar?
I got it.
So sorry. I'm reaIIy...
ActuaIIy, I was in the market for some cheetah pants.
My God.
You're aII Victoria's Secret supermodeIs.
-What are you doing in our room? -AII the other rooms were fuII...
and I had to change, so...
-This is where we get changed. -Right.
Don't Iet me stop you!
You're funny. And we Iove funny guys.
Have you ever been with four women before?
Once I had Iunch with my mom and her three sisters...
but I don't think that counts.
Thank you.
What?
-No, that 's not me! I swear! -We know. It 's us.
-SupermodeIs fart? -Yes.
How do you think we stay so thin?
Does it turn you on?
Yeah.
-You do it. -What? Fart?
Yeah.
-Don't you wanna turn us on? -Yes.
Yes, I do.
Okay.
Fart.
My uncIe died this way. He shot an aneurysm and...
Less taIk, okay?
-More fart. -More fart, come on.
What? Where are you going?
Didn't I turn you on?
And there you have it. Every night for the Iast week, same dream.
So, what do you think it means?
I don't know. Were you breast-fed as a chiId?
I knew this was a mistake.
CAPTlONSBY VlDEOLAR
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