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Survival of the fittest, Son.
The law of the forest, right? Right.
Of course, your new rifle gives you a little edge.
Dad, do you hear...
Be real quiet.
Lunch!
And I killed it!
Nancy!
Will you look at the size of this thing?
There's no way I'm eating a dead rabbit.
I thought you said we were leaving.
Will this never end?
Start the fire, Nan. We are leaving. Before lunch.
George, what happened to "home before dark. Grab a bite on the way"?
Come on, Nan, we gotta cook it. It's Ernie's first kill.
Yeah, it's my first blood.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
Look, we'll stuff it. Okay?
You're a butcher, Ernie.
Back off, Sarah! It was him or me!
I don't feel very good.
- Pull over, Dad, she's gonna launch. - Ernest.
Open the window, honey, a little air will do us all some good.
It's the fish. Ernie, close the cooler.
Ernie, what are you doing in the fish?
Looking for my baseball glove.
Hey, Dad. Yeah.
Do you think I can get a pair of real major league baseball cleats
when we get back? You bet.
Great. I'm gonna spike Frankie McDowell.
No, you're not. Listen to your Mom, Ern.
But he spiked me twice!
That's different. You go right ahead then. George.
Nan, you don't understand these things. It's just smart baseball.
Hey, hey. Be careful of my drawings back there.
And don't step on the trout.
Or my flowers. They're still alive. Or Mom's flowers.
Oh, Nan, don't you love roughing it in the wild?
"Roughing it," George?
The only thing rough about it was when
the generator went out in the middle of Masterpiece Theatre.
Whoa!
George, please, slow down.
I know these roads like the back of my hand.
And I know Seattle's not going anywhere.
Want your sunglasses, George?
No, I'm fine, dear.
Mom, Ernie's playing with that gun again.
Ernie, don't even touch that gun.
It's a rifle, girls.
If you can shoot with it, it's a gun.
Oh, my God! Look at that deer! Did you see that, Sarah?
No, I missed it. I always miss everything.
Hey, Dad. Yeah.
Maybe there's a chance you can blast something.
Ernie, don't give Daddy any ideas. I could not face two stuffed bunnies.
Did I bring my rifle this time?
Did I? No.
You're right, George, we'll always remember this as our first camping trip
when Ernie killed something and you didn't.
My God!
My God.
I thought I hit a man!
Is everybody all right, Nancy? Okay, kids?
Sarah, are you all right? Yeah.
George, what is it?
I don't know. I hardly saw it.
But it's gotta be a bear.
Could it be a gorilla?
I don't think they get that big around here,
I think we should just get out of here, Dad.
What if it's still alive? What if it's in pain?
If it's still alive, it's probably not in a very good mood.
No way it's alive! You trashed him, Dad.
There's probably guts and eyeballs hanging off the bumper.
Knock it off, Ern.
We can't just leave it in the road, suffering.
Cool. Look.
Everybody, stay in the car.
Son of a bitch.
You drive a classic, you try to take good care of it, and some dumb animal...
George, shouldn't we call a Ranger?
No, not yet.
You did bring it.
Don't you need some backup? No.
I said stay in the car.
This is exactly why I brought it. For protection.
You didn't have to lie.
Shoot it!
It's dead. Shoot it anyway!
Nan! What?
I think you better come take a look at this!
Dad.
Yeah?
What if it's him?
Who? Bigfoot.
Bigfoot?
Holy shit! Sorry, Dad.
That's okay.
I was looking for the right words.
It smells gross!
George, what is it?
I guess it must be
a Bigfoot.
I don't know what else it could be.
Nancy, this is a big deal.
It's a major discovery.
I bet a museum would want it or something.
We have to take it home.
Ernie, you and your sister go take the stuff off the top of the car, put it in the back.
Right, Dad.
And tell your sister she's gonna have to help us lift this thing up!
Oh, Sarah!
Pull it forward! Don't worry.
I feel so guilty.
What if it's the only one?
It's not as if I tried to hit it, Nan.
It was just luck.
Luck?
What if we've just rendered an entire species extinct?
One of a kind?
This thing could really be worth something.
I don't believe you just said that.
Come on, Nan. It's all in how you look at it.
It's alive! Dad!
Did you see those big honking teeth? Ernest.
Get me my rifle.
George.
What are you gonna do?
Be careful. It's still loaded.
George, you're not going out there?
We can't just leave it in the road, can we?
What if it's suffering?
Sorry.
It's dead!
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Are you really sure?
I'm really sure!
Remember, you were sure before.
Nancy, I'm not a doctor, but it has no pulse,
it's not breathing and it's cold as a Popsicle.
Believe me, honey, whatever it is, it's definitely dead!
Help!
Somebody!
Help!
Ernie, get your mother! Quick!
All right. I knew you weren't dead!
Not yet I'm not! Not you, Dad, him!
Help!
George, what...
Are you all right? Nancy, get my rifle, quick!
What... What are you...
George!
Sarah, don't come in here!
Oh, my God! Horrible smell!
Nancy, do something!
Be very careful.
What are you doing?
Oh, God!
That's brilliant. Come on, everybody, let's get out of here! Quick.
Come on, Sarah. No!
Mom, my corsage!
No.
My orchid!
It's eating my fifteenth birthday corsage!
Sarah!
The one I saved for over six whole months!
I was gonna keep that flower
for the rest of my life!
And you ate it! Sarah!
I don't care how big and ugly and smelly you are.
You just can't go around eating other people's corsages!
That was a bad thing you did! A bad, bad thing!
Do you hear me? Even if you are an animal!
You just can't go around acting like one in this house!
Let's get out of here, now!
Boy, Sarah. You really pissed him off! Shut up.
Shh! Both of you!
Come on, it's going in the dining room!
Wow!
That's great, that's just great!
George, he's eating my plant. Look, he's eating my plants! No!
He's eating my Passiflora coriaceas.
Stop that!
Oh, God!
Uh-oh.
Oh, dear.
Okay, that's it!
George! Can't we just call somebody?
George, what's that for? I know what I'm doing.
Oh, George!
I'm not gonna stand around while some animal destroys our house!
Dad, it's not an animal!
George?
I'm okay.
Everybody, get up here! Quick! Quick!
What's it doing?
It's burying Grandma's mink stole.
Don't you look at me like that!
Why are you all looking at me like that?
I didn't kill the poor little things. Grandma didn't kill them!
Some ranchers raised them and killed them.
And they only did that because they knew somebody would buy them.
Come on, quick, everybody back into the house!
All right, everybody out!
Uh-Oh.
Keep an eye on him! "Keep an eye on him," George?
Lock the door! Yeah.
George, he's coming back!
Stall him! I can't! How?
I don't know! Show him the pasta maker.
George!
Not yet! George!
He really wants to come in now.
George!
Company!
Downtown. Sergeant Mancini. Sergeant, my name is George Henderson.
I'm at 437 Manning Drive.
I wanna report a...
Something in my house.
What kind of something, Mr. Henderson?
Some... A big... Something.
My family's in terrible danger. In danger?
Mr. Henderson, do you have someone in your house?
A burglar, a prowler?
No, don't think I'm crazy, Sergeant,
but it's Bigfoot.
Of course, yes. They can be a nuisance,
I'll tell you what, Mr. Henderson.
It kind of happens all the time around here.
Now, we found these Bigfeet are pretty reasonable fellows.
Hey!
Look, I hit a Bigfoot with my car. I thought it was dead.
I was gonna call in the morning,
but it must have been hungry 'cause I found it in the kitchen!
You hit a Bigfoot with your car... No! Yes.
in your kitchen.
Look, I'm under a lot of stress here,
I mean, it wasn't dead anymore. It must have just walked into the kitchen.
It was eating out of our refrigerator.
I thought it was gonna eat me, but it ate my daughter's corsage instead.
And then our Passiflora coriacea and then it ate our goldfish.
And where is it now, Mr. Henderson?
It's in the bathroom.
Of course, how stupid of me.
Hey, look, just say I believe you have a Bigfoot in your house.
First we cordon off your neighborhood.
Second, we evacuate your neighbors,
and third, we send a whole shit-load of cops in there
to deal with the thing. I mean, fully armed and ready, Mr. Henderson.
So unless you wanna be responsible
for wrongfully turning your neighborhood into a war zone
I suggest you drop this whole thing right now.
A war zone?
Very well, then.
No, no, no Bigfoot here, Sergeant. I was just joking.
Sorry, it's just a prank.
I'm not even George Henderson. You must have reached the wrong number.
We're on our own.
No, no, Sergeant, no Bigfoot here.
Irene.
Fine. Wonderful time.
What? No, wait!
It's Irene!
She's bringing the dog back. I couldn't stop her!
I'll meet her halfway.
Nance!
It's no use hiding! I know you're up!
Just take Little Bob and get rid of her!
Easy for you to say. This is Irene. Oh, my God!
Look, we can't let her see this thing.
No offense. The basement.
You'll love it. It's like a cave with a pool table.
Come on! Nancy!
Beat it!
Come on, hurry!
Nancy! Yoo-hoo!
Quick, quick!
Let's go! Now's our chance!
Nancy, what...
This is it! The beginning of the end.
Once Irene sees it, the whole world's gonna know.
I'll have to join a convent. Nancy!
Marry a zoo-keeper.
I'll be a social outcast for the rest of my life!
I'll go to my prom, the kids will probably throw pig blood on me!
Thank you, Dad. Sarah, don't let her in!
Come on, big guy. Rise and shine!
Don't worry. It's the safest place in the whole house!
Ernie!
It's okay, Mom, the stairs broke!
We're all right.
Oh, good.
There you are!
Amazing. That was... Can you imagine?
Little Bob must be in heat or something. Every dog in the neighborhood is out here.
My God!
What is that smell?
What the hell happened?
We decided to defrost the fridge.
Oh, God!
Is everything all right with you kids?
Us? Oh, hey, fine.
Wonderful. No. Great. Really great.
I got your mail.
Just put it on the fridge.
Nan, you wouldn't happen to have any peanut butter and brewer's yeast?
I found a new diet.
Sarah, please take the dog out of the room.
Peanut butter I know we have. Is chunky okay?
Let me see if I can help you, Irene.
Peanut butter's always on the second shelf.
Great. No brewer's yeast? No, sorry.
Never mind, I gotta go to the market
and pick up some cod liver oil and Tabasco.
It's a new energy diet. You might wanna try it, George.
Exercise, Irene. That's the only diet.
Plenty of energy right here!
Well, maybe it's just rotten meat or eggs or something.
Exactly. No sense standing around breathing it.
Thank you for taking care of Little Bob.
Oh! Ernie!
What was that?
Ernie's experiment for his science class.
He's got one of those gerbils.
Yeah! It's so cute.
Only, it's more like...
A hamster.
Yeah, only bigger, and it's always hungry.
Nothing more than rats getting a lucky shake from society, if you ask me.
I know where you are if I need you.
Ernie!
Ernie, are you all right?
Boy, is this guy strong!
Ernie, give me your arms. I'll lift you up.
It's Monday morning. What am I gonna do about work?
You are going to call in sick,
that's what you're going to do about work.
Dad's gonna just love that.
Can I be sick, too? No.
I think you and Sarah will be safer at school, Ernie.
Oh, well. At least I can tell the kids at school
my dad creamed a Bigfoot.
You're sick, too. We're all sick.
No one's going anywhere until I figure out what to do!
Get out of the fridge, Ernie.
Coffee?
Now, it took some doing, but...
At least for now it seems to be trapped.
It's okay!
So, how are you doing?
I don't know. He's our little pet.
It's hurt.
Are we sure we don't have anything that doesn't sting?
Don't I wish.
Yeah, this is going to hurt a little, okay?
What I do is just close my eyes real tight. Like this.
All right. Okay.
Good.
Does this mean we can keep him?
Oh, grow up!
Maybe we can. I don't know.
You don't know?
The answer is "No." Now you know.
It was just so different when it was dead.
George, you were different.
And I'm convinced he wasn't dead.
Hey, hang on. I thought we were gonna sell it, and get rich.
Let's keep it and get rich. Exactly.
I don't believe this family! Sorry.
We are talking about a living, breathing being here.
It might even be some kind of a person.
It's a Bigfoot person.
We don't even know what it is.
We don't know if it's male or female.
Definitely male.
How can you tell?
Oh, don't answer that, honey. Never mind.
Nan, I don't know how, but we gotta figure a way to keep this thing.
It's big bucks, don't you see?
I mean, it's a ticket to a better life!
A better life for whom? What about his life?
I'm thinking about us.
I just need time to figure away to...
Oh, well.
At least he's safe here.
You should not have given up, my old friend.
The only difference between these and those
is I get a buck a strand for mine.
These are real, Doc.
I chased a set of tracks for two or three miles.
Okay, Jocko, if you've got castings, I'll buy them,
but let's keep the price on the ground.
Listen, you don't understand!
I almost had him. I was that close.
Then what, gun jam?
Or maybe a change of heart.
Had him in your sights and couldn't do it?
What's the story this time? I don't know.
I think he was hit by a car.
That should have made it easy.
Yes, I know but...
There are no traces, no tracks, nothing.
He just vanished.
Well, like I tell my customers,
Bigfoot eat their dead.
I don't know why the hell I bother with you!
Because you figure I'm the only one
who deep down wants to believe you,
but I don't. Not any more.
We both spent our whole lives chasing after that beast,
and we both have to stare at ourselves in the mirror every morning
and keep repeating, "I'm not a fool!"
"I am not a fool!"
Only you finally blinked!
Or finally opened my eyes!
We'll find out soon enough!
Go for it, Jocko! Raise a ruckus!
God knows, I can use the business.
Put the stuff in the freezer, honey.
Where is he? Living room.
Everything is melting. Have I got something to show you.
George, give me a second.
Irene had us cornered out there for 15 minutes.
She invited us to dinner and bowling. Bowling?
Don't worry, George, I spared you.
I told her you had something to drop off tonight, don't you?
Don't be so sure.
You might just change your mind when you've seen what I've seen.
Sarah, you, too. Come on.
George, those are just empty calories.
Never mind about that. No, no, no, no.
Not yet. Just a minute.
I have a little something to show you.
But first, I want you to think about this just for a moment.
Us,
Life,
Time.
Magazines! Cover stories.
I mean, you could be looking at old Dad on the Carson Show, for heaven's sake.
No, no, no, no.
Now, we started with something kind of simple.
But I'm sure you'll see
that as soon as he gets going there is absolutely nothing to stop him!
Sit.
Sit!
That's great! You taught him how to sit?
No, no, no!
Don't sit!
That was outstanding, Dad!
No, no, no. Stay. Please...
George, if I could have a word with you before the Carson Show calls.
Nancy!
It wasn't...
Nancy, honey, we've got to give him one more chance!
George Nathan Henderson, what is the matter with you?
This is our home! Our stuff!
Look, he had it perfect just five minutes ago.
George, you are acting like a crazy person!
Honey, that wasn't supposed to happen!
None of this was supposed to happen,
but it did, and now we have to do the right thing!
I know it seems bad, but just give me one more week.
We don't have enough house for two days!
George, he doesn't fit here! He doesn't fit in our lives!
Look, we have to do the right thing and think about him!
Mom, Dad, hurry, this is great!
What's the matter with him?
Maybe he thinks you're getting...
Now watch this.
Cool, huh?
He didn't care for the blue cheese.
eat your Pablum like a good boy...
and you'll have Swedish pancake too.
Now I know where Bonzo get his bad habits.
That's outright bribery.
Okay. I'll take him back.
But you know it might not be so easy,
I think he likes it here.
What kind of a way is that to talk to a baby?
What do you mean?
She's gone. It's time to go.
Remember this? Your favorite station wagon.
Right. What's left of it.
No, no, no.
It's really much nicer on the inside. Come on.
Perfect.
Hungry? We're gonna have a little party.
Yeah. A goodbye party.
Plan B. No problem.
See what we're gonna be missing?
Never mind. Let's eat. Nancy?
Here. Ern.
Have you ever had a burger?
Smells good.
Look at this.
Mmm. Mmm.
Oh, right.
Yours was the fish. Here.
This is for him,
the burgers are for you.
You want another? I ordered wrong.
Double fish on a sesame bun.
Catch of the day.
Covered with tartar sauce.
How about some fries, huh?
Extra larges, two orders.
You can wash it down with a chocolate shake.
Look at all this stuff!
All you can eat.
Atta boy.
Great!
Comfortable?
Just sit... Stay.
Stay.
Stay right there.
You're not changing your mind, are you?
Your mom's right, Ern.
I know it's hard. It's hard for me, too.
But it's the right thing to do.
It was wrong of me to think that we could just claim it like a stray dog.
He's more of a man than an animal.
You were the first one to see that.
He deserves to be free.
Mom's right.
He's gotta go back where he belongs.
So why don't you and me
go on down there, like a couple of real men
and say, "Goodbye, hairy friend."
Harry?
Since when does he have a name?
Since right now.
Harry.
Harry!
There's someone in the house. What should we do?
You stay right there.
Good morning, Seattle. Today Jerry's special...
You're free, Little Bob. Go back to the wild.
Run, Little Bob.
Run free.
And now, your host,
the toast of the Olympic Coast,
Jerry Seville!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Good morning, Seattle.
God, I hate this guy.
I'll turn it off. No. Let me hate him.
It'll keep me awake until the coffee kicks in.
But I sure am glad it's Tuesday.
Isn't Monday the dullest day of the week?
Up yours, Jerry.
Seems old Jer was wrong.
All right. This morning's paper.
By no means front page news.
Are you sitting down?
Listen, late last night a Hawthorne Hills man
discovered his wife lying unconscious on top of their car.
After the paramedics had revived the woman she said,
"She must have been put there by a huge, hairy, man-like creature
"resembling the legendary Bigfoot... Harry.
"...who she had earlier mistaken for a mouse!"
Hawthorne Hills?
A mouse? A mouse!
I gotta find him. I can't go to work.
When do we ever listen to silly old Jerry Seville?
If there really was a Bigfoot, don't you think I'd have had him as a guest on my show?
I gotta check it out anyway.
No, the very best thing that you can do is go to work.
What if somebody finds him before I... All right?
See you tonight. Bye-bye. Bye.
John Morrow, who will talk to us all about his new squid and prune juice diet.
Bigfoot.
Mom, he came back!
Little Bob!
It's amazing, you know,
I see an old Army buddy from 40 years driving along the freeway
and, of course, I cannot remember his name
so I take his license number plate and I come here,
and because of that I am going to find out where he lives. It's fantastic.
Ten bucks.
So how about you, George?
Did you see any Bigfoot? What?
You know, your vacation. Bigfoot?
No. I read the things weigh over 400 pounds.
Smell real bad, too.
Hell, looks like we got one of those right here.
What's your shoe size, Billers? Very funny.
I'm working with assholes.
Can I help you?
Probably yes. I hope we can help each other.
I believe this is yours.
Okay, what are you selling, buster, huh?
Mrs. Henderson? Yes.
Irene, would you go see if the tea kettle is just about to boil, honey?
Thank you.
Good morning. Hi.
I am called Richard Smith.
And I'm from the U.S. Forestry Service
and I'm investigating a possible road-kill, with an animal
either killed or maimed in a car accident.
Now, I know that you did hit something on Route A-4
which was a little fire road off the I-90?
Yes. We did run into something.
What was it that you hit, Mrs. Henderson?
I don't know. We couldn't see it.
You know, it happened so fast.
Where is it now?
Now? I don't know. It ran away.
Mrs. Henderson, obviously, our main concern are for your family,
to be sure no one was injured.
No one was injured. I'm so pleased.
Obviously our other concern is for the safety of that poor little animal.
It could be out there suffering
and I know you would want to help me find it so I could care for it.
No. I mean, yes.
But I mean, there's nothing wrong with it.
It walked into the woods. I mean, it didn't even limp.
Walked?
It crawled, it scurried, you know, it scampered,
it kind of wobbled, creeped, like an animal does, you know?
Anyway, he's fine, and we are fine and...
You know...
I forgot I have a sink backed up and I... And a potty.
I've gotta go take care of it. Thank you.
Thanks very much for thinking of us and bringing this to us.
And thanks for your consideration.
License plates, huh? That guy's probably a convict. Here.
What you don't need now is somebody bothering you.
Just sit back and relax.
I can remember Herb's and my first fight. This is nothing.
Can I help you? Probably not.
This is the first place I have been.
I want some .458 magnums.
I think we got those in here somewhere.
Yeah. Here we are.
We don't get much call for these monsters.
$28.50 for the box.
Do you have any more?
There's 20 of them in there, you know?
Do you have any more?
I'm sorry, that's the last we got.
What, are you going on safari or something?
No. Just into my own back yard.
There he goes, just like clockwork.
Jeez, Dad, who the hell is that guy?
Jacques LaFleur.
He's always the first to show when these crazy sightings start up.
He bought some pretty serious ammo, .458s.
Before Sasquatch got under his skin he was a Class A hunter.
Where do you think Claws came from?
That guy shot Claws? Yeah.
Why would he part with a trophy like that?
Probably because it was the smallest one.
May I help you?
Yes, I'm on my lunch break and I'm kind of in a hurry.
Could you point me to some books on the...
Bigfoot?
Sasquatch?
Sasquatch. Sasquatch.
That's the one.
Fantasy, folklore, myths and legends.
Basement stacks. Take the stairs. Thank you.
You could also try children's books! Right!
This book sucks! Ernie.
These pictures don't look anything like Harry!
He's right, Nan. It's no wonder people wanna kill them.
These books make them out to be monsters.
All except this journal from the North American Anthropological Institute.
Some guy named Wallace Wrightwood.
That's him. No. That's Jacques LaFleur.
He's a hunter who came into the store today.
No, honey. This is Richard Smith,
the forestry guy I told you about
who came to our house today.
- That lying bastard! - Mom!
Both of you, to bed, right now.
Sarah, get off that phone. It's two hours. Come on, that's it!
Mom, it's only 8:30. You mind your mother!
Hard to believe, huh?
And from the look in your mug, you think it's a load, don't you?
Everybody asks, "Has anybody ever seen one?"
Let me ask you,
you being a flatlander, a city fellow,
you've seen hundreds, thousands of pigeons, right?
Of course. Have you ever seen a baby pigeon?
Well, neither have I.
But I got a hunch they exist.
Are you Dr. Wrightwood? I'm George Henderson.
Wrightwood ain't here.
Is he coming back? He might.
Could I leave a message for...
How do you know Wrightwood?
His books. And his research.
He seems to be the only person who really believes in all this.
I just need a few answers.
Doctor's old, tired.
I'm gonna put my phone number down here.
Could you see that the Doctor gets this?
"Vital facts that could prevent an unnecessary and tragic end
"for the big fellow?"
I have a friend,
a man named Jack.
And say there was this, this, giant...
ls there a beanstalk involved in this, Mr. Henderson?
A beanstalk?
No. No.
I mean, with all these Bigfoot sightings
what if Jack and his family
opened up their home
and their lives to this thing?
And, what if they found out that he was more human than animal,
and they just said, "We'll take him in.
"We'll accept responsibility for him until a safe place can be found for him to be."
Not some zoo, or lab...
So what you're saying is you would be willing...
Excuse me, Jack would be willing to take this creature in,
care for it and love it like a pet? No, no,
like a member of the family.
That's a noble gesture, but impossible.
Sasquatch is a primitive ancestor of modern man,
but if you ever came face to face with one
you'd see that they're still very much animals.
Only on the outside.
Look, I know what I'm talking about!
And I know it's closing time so if you wanna talk shop, then shop!
Jack and the Beanstalk, George?
It just came out like that. I didn't know what I was saying.
I think you knew exactly what you were saying.
Face it, Dad, you want him back.
Sarah, I want to take him back where he belongs,
but that means I've gotta find him first.
By bringing Harry here we put his life in danger.
Now, we've got to try to set things right.
George,
this is really Harry.
Did you draw that? Yeah.
It's beautiful.
Hey! Hey, fella, get away from that window!
He's the person who saw it.
Now get this.
"It must have been the large hairy giant he saw running from the scene."
Did you get that, George?
Yeah.
George, do you still fool with that painting stuff?
Yeah.
As a matter of fact, I... Good!
You can save your old man a few bucks.
How about you draw a big full-size Bigfoot?
We'll put it in the window right next to the gun section.
Now, you make him real big, you know, real scary.
You know, like they're supposed to be, George.
Hands up, big claws,
big fangs, a lot of drool.
And let's put up a map of the area,
and we'll mark on it all the spots where people say they've seen the thing.
We'll become kind of like a Bigfoot Central, a B.H.Q.
Dad, don't you think we might be encouraging a lot of unqualified people
to go running around with loaded weapons?
Come on, you know as well as I do there's nothing out there to shoot at.
This is the first time my dad ever wanted me to draw anything and what is it?
A target for a bunch of blood-thirsty crackpots.
Come to bed. No, really, it's the same old story.
One Christmas, when I was a kid,
I begged him all fall for a set of paints.
He ends up giving me a BB gun.
Like you got Ernie.
Yeah.
Come to bed. No.
Honey, I can't. I gotta finish this.
What's the problem?
If I make him look mean and vicious,
people are gonna shoot first and then worry about the consequences.
It's like drawing a "wanted" poster of your best friend.
But if I make him look peaceful, the way Harry really is...
Well, that's just not what my father wants.
George, I'm so proud of you.
You don't know what to do.
If your father wants a Bigfoot,
give him a Bigfoot.
I wanted King Kong, you brought me a goddamn giant gerbil.
I told you exactly what to do. You didn't even come close.
Well, maybe it's right on the nose.
I mean, how do we know? Maybe it's not vicious at all.
Maybe it's gentle, even has feelings.
Where did you dream up that shit?
Go stick a pin in Queen Anne's Hill, we just got another sighting.
Should have got a real artist.
I need one of those Clint Eastwood magnums.
You got an M-16?
Anything that'll go fully automatic?
Fully automatic is illegal and it takes seven days to clear a handgun.
I'm afraid if you want a gun right now it'll have to be a rifle or a shotgun.
Anything with a night-scope.
Give me the biggest one you got!
Well, we've got some big guns and some big, big guns,
but I'm afraid we're all out of big, big ammo! Who's next?
Look, pal, they just spotted that thing not three blocks from my house.
Where do you live? What for?
It's for the gun. Where do you live?
11484 Devon Drive.
Where was the sighting?
On the corner of Maple and Ogilvy.
What the hell's that got to do with it?
Where you going?
Son of a bitch!
See? You're not the only artist in the family.
How's that for an arthritic old shooter, huh?
What the hell did you do that for?
It was my drawing! Why did you change it?
Hey, George. Cool down. It's just a piece of cardboard.
Not to me!
It means something to me!
Can't you see that? He means something to me!
What the hell are you talking about? The hell with it! I quit!
Over this? You can't quit! We've never been so busy!
What the hell's the matter with you?
Harry. Yeah.
Sorry, thought you were someone else.
It was huge. It was bigger than you are!
Twice as big as you. Gigantic! Biggest thing I ever saw.
Excuse me, when did all this happen?
Do you mind? I'm trying to take a statement.
It was huge. Gigantic.
A monster like an ape with rabies, only bigger than a regular ape with rabies.
Now just calm down and tell me what happened.
Okay. I'm okay.
I brought my poor ten-speed to a complete stop
like I always do at stop signs.
When out of nowhere this humungous hairy thing
is standing right in front of me! Growling.
With these enormous fangs and these giant hands, and he grabs me.
And he picks me up, bike and all, over his head
then he smashes me down on the cement and now he's all over me.
And he's snarling with saliva dripping off his pointed teeth.
So I grab my Mace...
- What? Mace? You idiot! - Stand back.
I didn't really Mace him. I was about to be eaten!
Eaten? By a vegetarian? All right, that's it. Officers!
No, now look...
I have no doubt that you saw him,
but what really happened is when you saw him,
you were so scared shitless that you crashed your precious ten speed
into the stop sign, bumped your head on the curb
and probably scared him half to death in the process!
I'm right, aren't I? That's what really happened, isn't it?
Isn't it?
Yes. Yes.
How did you know this? Did you witness it happen?
What's your name, sir? My name?
My name is George Hen...
George, George what? George Hen...
George what?
I'm sorry. I really have to go.
...the dreaded name of Bigfoot
reverberated through newsrooms...
They are usually restricted to remote areas...
Today's report of the legendary beast attacking...
Other news, there has been yet another sighting of the creature
that some people are now calling the legendary Bigfoot.
As a matter of fact an eyewitness is now claiming to have been attacked
by the legendary beast known as Bigfoot.
He quickly changed his story, however...
Update, Bigfoot right here in the city.
When this mystery man known to us as, George Hen, appeared on the scene...
I have no doubt that you saw him,
but when you saw him, you were so scared...
knowledge of the Bigfoot's habits, vanished before...
and bumped your head on the curb...
crashed your precious ten-speed into the stop sign,
bumped your head on the curb
and probably scared him half to death in the process!
What's your name, sir? My name?
My name is George Hen...
George, George what? George Hen...
My name? My name is George Hen...
George, George what? George Hen...
How did you know this?
Did you witness it happen? What's your name, sir?
My name? My name is George Hen.
Listening to our reporter talk about it,
you'd think Mr. Hen had a personal...
Did I catch the fact that he actually...
Quite possible.
Anybody who knows the whereabouts of the elusive Mr. Hen
or the hairy visitor, should call this station and report Bigfoot.
What the hell is that?
I said get out of here now!
Harry!
I want this quadrant air tight. Nothing gets out! Nothing!
And no force except in self-defense!
I don't want some prankster in a monkey suit
bleeding all over the streets.
We have civilians with weapons.
All units in the vicinity of Broadway and Torrance please respond.
Repeat, we have civilians with weapons.
Hey, you! Halt!
Freeze! Move out! Drop it!
What, are you crazy? Do you know how much I paid for this gun?
Get this guy. Come on, move it! Move it!
My God! Harry?
Harry, are you hurt? Where are you?
Harry.
Thank God, you're okay! Come on down!
Stay right there!
Don't move.
Hang on, Harry.
Follow that garbage truck!
Harry! Harry, come on down.
There. Quick! This way!
We did it!
Nancy.
Honey.
Look who's here.
Harry?
Harry!
Harry.
I knew it was you. I could smell you all the way upstairs.
Wow! Let's celebrate!
Let's take a picture! I'll get the camera.
Ernie, no! No!
Harry,
I'm human.
I made a mistake
and I'm sorry.
Dad, he doesn't understand.
I know something he'll understand.
Ernie, give me a hand.
George?
What are we gonna do about Harry?
First things first.
Do you have a cat? No!
Good, then it's just a hairball.
Are you completely deaf? I said, "Get me out of here now.
"Tomorrow is too late!"
Jerome,
Jerome, I know where he is.
What the hell do you think I have been doing for the last 25 years?
Him! Yes, Sasquatch!
Jerome, this time it is different.
I've got his address.
Crazy?
You let me stay here for one more hour and I'll show you me crazy.
Time's running out.
Jerome,
you make something happen... now.
Irene, the phone. I've gotta get the phone. Okay.
I just need someone to talk to.
You know, it hasn't been easy with this pool and everything!
And Herb? He's no help!
His latest theory is that a condor flew over and took a shit in it!
Hello?
Hello.
I saw you on television last night, Mr. Hen, and I think we should talk.
Who is this? Do the words,
"Vital facts that could prevent a tragic
"and unnecessary end for the big fellow, "
ring a bell?
Nancy, it's Wrightwood. Dr. Wrightwood? Yes. How are you?
Fine. Can we get together?
Sure, any time. Now, this afternoon.
Well.
Come to the house.
How about dinner?
Hello, are you still there? Sorry, bad connection.
You're up near Index, right?
Just take the I-5 right into town. We're in the Wallingford section.
George? What are you doing?
You?
I'm Wallace Wrightwood.
Dr. Wrightwood.
May I come in?
Yes, of course you can.
Nancy, this is Dr. Wrightwood.
He's the curator of the Bigfoot Museum I told you about.
I'm pleased to meet you. Likewise. Thank you.
These are beautiful.
This is our daughter Sarah. Hello.
Oh, and this is our son, Ernest.
- Hello. - Hello.
Ernie, this is Dr. Wrightwood.
Something sure smells...
good.
That's dinner. Roast beef.
Mom, where's the roast?
The roast. I'll get it, hon. The roast,
is resting in a shallow unmarked grave in the back yard.
Oh.
Right. Well, there's plenty of other stuff.
Are you vegetarians?
Sometimes. It depends on the guest.
As you probably know, your Dad paid me a visit the other day at my museum.
I liked him.
What I'm gonna say now just might save his life.
I don't understand.
When I was younger I used to have a good job working as a lab scientist.
Life was great.
And then something happened on a hunting trip darn-near 50 years ago
that let the air out of everything.
I went out for a walk one day in the woods.
I heard a rustle behind me.
Then I smelled something that made my eyes water
and my lungs smoke!
By the time I turned around all I saw was a streak of fur.
On the ground there was a footprint.
A big footprint.
So, I was hooked from that moment on.
I started spending all the time I could spare searching for the beast.
Then I spent time I couldn't spare.
That's how I lost my job and my friends.
It's so sad.
Well, I didn't tell it so you could cry in your sprouts,
or whatever that is, darling.
I'm telling it so that your father won't make the same mistake.
I appreciate what you're saying, Dr. Wrightwood,
but there's a big difference between your story and mine.
Not as big as you think.
Maybe even bigger.
No, no, no. You're kidding yourself.
I remember what you told me when you came into my shop.
Bigfoot can come live with us. We'll accept the responsibility.
Can you imagine what a Bigfoot would do to your home?
Yeah, well, I can.
You're good people.
I'm gonna say this once.
I'm gonna say it simple and I hope to God for your sakes you all listen.
There are no abominable snowmen.
There are no Sasquatches.
There are no Bigfeet!
Am I missing something?
Oh, Lord! Lord God!
Dr. Wrightwood, say hello to Harry.
Harry?
Isn't he something?
Oh, yes, he's so smart, too. I mean, George has taught him how to sit.
To sit?
We haven't quite perfected it yet.
Hungry?
He lives here with you?
Temporarily.
Well?
If I call in a favor, I might be able to get you out sometime tonight.
Sometime tonight? I need a damn good reason.
For Christ's sake, I'm talking about bagging a Sasquatch!
That'll cut a lot of ice for the judge.
It's just not Harry's world out there.
It's like we've become an enemy to anything wondrous.
Even the scientific community's gonna poke and prod at him
until he hates every man that he sees, including you and me.
The only answer is a safe place where even LaFleur can't find him.
I might know a place, but we'd never be able to find it in the dark.
Then you will help us?
In every way I possibly can.
That's wonderful.
We'll leave first thing in the morning.
I'll wake the kids. Real early. They'll wanna come.
We'll make a whole day of it.
Our last day with Harry.
He's so odd.
He didn't say good night.
I don't even know when he's coming back.
Now, get some sleep.
And where the hell have you been? There was nothing I could do!
Don't bullshit!
They weren't letting anybody out until they processed those guns
and there were a lot of guns!
You need a bath. And what? Blow my cover?
Hey, come on! Come on, give me my things!
Hey, when I'm ready, pal.
When he's ready, pal. Jerome, do something, eh?
So what's your sign?
Kimchee!
Kimchee! Kimchee!
My name is Kim Lee not Kimchee!
You killed them!
Oh, no!
Where are my precious little babies?
Thank you.
Forgive me, Harry?
I'm gonna show these to Irene. She loves roses.
Sure would be a dream come true if we could keep him.
Well, you know what they say,
"The best things in life are supposed to be free."
Hold it right there, mister.
What did you do to my roses?
No! Don't even think about it!
One false move out of you
and I'm gonna prune your plant.
And I'm talking nip it in the bud!
My God!
Push. Hurry up, Dad.
George, you drive.
It's not fair! He should be mine!
Damn you!
LaFleur! What?
I think we're being followed by our own car!
Wow!
He stole my car!
Oh, my God, will you look at this traffic?
Damn!
Cops!
Everybody just act normal.
Here he comes!
Look what he's doing to my paint job!
He's almost on us, Dad!
George, could you go a little faster?
All right, Mom! That sucker's history!
Don't kid yourself. This is the part he's good at.
Yay!
I always miss it.
Hurry. Up here, George.
Hurry!
You better make this a short goodbye, George.
You've gotta go back where you belong now.
Come on, now.
It's LaFleur!
Harry, you've gotta go!
LaFleur!
Hurry, please, please! There's no time!
No, don't worry about us!
We'll be all right.
Get out of here!
Can't you see we don't want you anymore?
Why can't you go back where you came from?
Now, leave us alone!
Go.
Go!
Goodbye, my friend.
There's no need to cry.
We'll never see him again, will we?
Sure we will! We can just follow his footprints.
Footprints.
Scatter. Anything to throw him off!
It's a goddamn herd!
Oh, no!
Harry!
Good God! Harry, no!
Listen to me. You're wrong! I was like you!
I almost killed him myself!
But it would have been murder! He's not an animal!
He's our friend!
For God's sake, Jacques, open your eyes!
Are you people out of your minds?
Do you think I'm going to stop now?
I'm going to kill him. You're not gonna kill him!
You're not gonna hurt him! I won't let you!
George!
I'll kill you first!
Don't let him kill me!
Please, don't let him kill me!
Don't let him kill me! Please, don't, don't let him kill me.
I'm...
No, no...
Jacques LaFleur, meet Harry.
Harry Henderson.
Strange feeling, eh, Doc?
What are you talking about?
It's over. Over?
Why, it's just the beginning.
Jocko, this old ticker hasn't thumped like this for years.
It's like going to heaven with your feet still on the ground.
And we get to share it with one of our oldest friends.
Goodbye, Harry.
We gotta let him go.
Harry...
I never got a chance to thank you.
I don't think you'll ever know how much you've meant to us.
You take care of yourself now, okay?
Okay.
Mon dieu! They have a language?
Now, Jocko, what for you? I don't know.
There's always Loch Ness.
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