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(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Ah!
(LAUGHS)
Try as they will and try as they might,
who steals me gold won't live through the night.
(LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS)
Ahh...
(IRISH ACCENT) A limousine?
What in the world has gotten into you, Mr. O'Grady?
(IRISH ACCENT) Just the start, my dear. Just the start.
Take the last look at this dump.
Tomorrow we'll be looking at mansions.
Mansions? Will you listen to yourself?
And a limousine? We've got no money for this.
Right inside.
Did the funeral parlor deliver the package?
Aye. 'Tis on the porch where they left it.
I don't want to touch it.
Will you tell me what's going on here, Daniel O'Grady?
- (LAUGHS) - Will that be all, sir?
Ah. Joseph.
Bon voyage, captain.
Thank you very much, sir. You have a nice evening.
Ma'am.
What's going on here is we're rich.
You were supposed to bury your mother,
not send her ashes all the way from Ireland.
- What are you going to do? - It's not me mother's ashes.
Gold, Leah! Gold!
- What in the Lord's name? - (COINS DROPPING ON FLOOR)
A pot of gold. A wee person, a leprechaun.
I caught him and made him show me where his gold is.
(LAUGHS) It's the rule, you know.
Aye, you're a drunken fool, and a storyteller.
- (THUNDERCLAP) - It's the truth, I'm telling...
There's a storm brewing.
I'm telling you the truth.
Come on to bed, now, and I'll make you a pot of nice hot tea.
Leprechaun indeed.
Pot of gold. Whatever next?
(THUNDERCLAP)
(WATER BOILING)
(CHILD'S VOICE, WHIMPERING)
Dan? Dan, is that you?
CHILD'S VOICE: ♪ Mary had a little lamb ♪
♪ Little lamb, little lamb ♪
♪ Mary had a little lamb ♪
♪ Whose fleece was white as snow ♪
♪ He followed her to school one day ♪
♪ School one day school one day ♪
♪ He followed her to school one day ♪
♪ Which was against the rules ♪
I can't breathe. Please open the suitcase.
I'm going to suffocate.
(LEPRECHAUN LAUGHS)
Do you like the gold buckles on me shoes?
I want me gold now!
Oh, God, no!
Oh.
No problem.
- I smell some tea brewing. - (THUNDERCLAP)
I hid the gold, Leah. We're rich now.
(LAUGHS)
LEAH'S VOICE: Where did you hide it, Dan?
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
LEAH'S VOICE: Did you hide it somewhere near the house?
Tell me where you hid the gold.
How did you find me?
(IN NORMAL VOICE) The wee people have their magical ways.
I knew it. What have you done with my wife?
Oh. Oh, the poor lass.
I should've told her to watch her step.
I got ya! It's my gold!
I'll fix him. I'll get him.
Your wife makes a fine pot of tea, Danny me boy.
- (THUNDERCLAP) - LEPRECHAUN: Where did you get that?
- I'll fix you, you bastard! - No! No!
Here's what you'll get, you monster.
Get it away! Put it away!
I got the gold fair and square.
Them were the rules.
(LAUGHS) Catch me if you can!
You can't get away.
LEPRECHAUN: Looking for something?
What did you do?
You... You killed my wife.
LEAH'S VOICE: Hello, Dan. I'm okay.
I just got a little kink in me neck.
I should have killed you when I caught you in Ireland.
LEAH'S VOICE: Give him the gold, Dan.
He's a nice little leprechaun.
I'll give you more than gold!
(GUNSHOTS)
Your bullets won't stop me forever.
I'll keep coming back.
The power of this clover will keep you in there forever.
LEPRECHAUN: Get that damn clover off this crate!
I told you you couldn't kill me.
Where's me gold, Danny me boy?
Oh, Danny, don't strain yourself now.
No, not gasoline.
You can't burn me. I won't let ya.
(LAUGHS)
Don't strain yourself.
You're not as young as you used to be.
You might have a stroke.
I curse ye for all eternity.
I traded me soul for me gold.
You'll trade your life. (LAUGHS)
If you give me me gold back...
I'll go away.
- Oh! - Danny! What's wrong?
(GASPING)
Burn in hell, you little green bastard!
(LEPRECHAUN LAUGHING)
Did the match go out, Danny?
(CACKLING)
(THUNDERCLAP)
(RATTLING)
♪ I say I need a four-leaf clover ♪
♪ One that's strong and won't blow away ♪
♪ Won't you be my four-leaf clover ♪
♪ Be my lucky charm that's here to stay ♪
WOMAN: Dad, I'm still depressed.
I mean, come on. Here I am in New Mexico
with my hick father for the whole summer.
- MAN: Hey. - No offense.
MAN: First of all, it's not New Mexico, it's North Dakota.
WOMAN: Like it matters. All I care about is it's not L.A.
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
Wait.
This is a joke, right?
This is our poor neighbor's house,
and then you're gonna take us to our house.
Never judge a book by its cover, honey.
Dad, this book doesn't even have a cover.
I'm going to be miserable here. There's no swimming pool.
There's no shopping malls. There's no cable.
Bet you don't even have a TV.
Oh, this sure ain't Beverly Hills.
Ugh! I can't wait to see this house.
Careful.
Oh, great.
Just when I thought this house couldn't get any worse,
an old basement.
(SIGHS) Well, great place to store
all the rocks and pinecones I'm gonna find.
Okay, okay. It's a little dusty. I admit that.
Just clean it up a little bit, splash some paint around.
Oh, God. You'll need to slap some bulldozers around
to fix this place up.
Oh, God! Gross. Cobwebs.
You're making too big a deal out of this, honey.
This is a great house. I got a great buy on it.
Yeah, from who, Dracula?
How about I get a hotel somewhere in town,
and you can come visit, like, once a week?
- Hey, I'll pay for it. - Tory, honey,
you really think money's all you need to get by in this life, huh?
Okay. I'll go with that theory.
(SCOFFS)
Oh...
(GASPS) Dad! Do you see that spider?
It's huge. That thing could kill us.
Okay, I'm going to turn around and I'm walking out of this basement,
and I'm going back up to the jeep.
I'm making a reservation at the nearest hotel in town.
This is worse than summer camp!
I'd rather sleep in a tent!
(SIGHS)
Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Hello? We're breaking up.
Wait. Okay. Okay. That's good.
Okay, hi. I'd like to make a reservation.
Yes. I'd like it to be a really tall room, and I want it to be very...
- Ow! Oh! - Great!
- Who are you? - Uh...
I was a guy carrying some paint thinner.
Oh, G... Okay.
Here. Does that cover?
Wait. Hold on a second.
You knock over my can of paint thinner,
and then you offer me 20 bucks?
Okay. Okay.
How about that? Will that do it?
Uh, no.
But maybe if you said you were sorry, you know, it might.
Okay. Here. Look, keep the change. I'm in a really big hurry.
There's a big, ugly, disgusting house I'd just like to distance myself from.
What, you mean this house here? The O'Grady place?
Yeah, that place. It's really gross. There's bugs. There's cobwebs.
God only knows what else is in there.
- (LAUGHING) - What's so funny?
Well, I just think it's funny the way girls
are always afraid of spiders and stuff, you know?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, wait a minute.
Did I misplace my 1950s calendar here? Girls?
Listen, Bud. Okay, this is the '90s.
Women are treated equal.
Well, first off, my name isn't Bud, it's Nathan.
And I don't know many guys that are afraid of houses.
- Oh, is that so? - Yeah.
Well, you know what? Neither am I.
I'm not afraid of anything.
- Okay. - Right.
- Tory? Honey? - Yeah?
- What? - Let's go.
What are you talking about? What are you doing?
I'm not gonna fight you anymore. The house. You hate the house.
- No... - It's dirty, it's dusty.
You really think I'm afraid of a little dust and some bugs?
Come on. Just put the bags back, okay?
I want to stay.
Dad, would you put the bags back?
I'm gonna stay.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
Anyway, listen, listen.
It came right down out of the sky.
There it was,
this flying saucer.
Had these really weird lights, you know?
And making all these weird noises.
Kind of like... Kind of like, "boop boop boop boop..."
Ozzie, I thought you weren't gonna tell any more stories.
This really happened, Alex. It did.
It's like magic, you know? Like...
Like, um...
Well, when you see a star in the night sky...
the first star... you can make a wish.
- It'll come true. - Stop with the magic stuff.
And no more lies, okay?
How ya doin', boys? I'm J.D.
I just met your brother Nathan.
Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you. This is my friend Ozzie.
- How you doin', Ozzie? - Hi.
So, you boys need any help out here?
I'm afraid that our liability insurance forbids
anyone but us handling the tools and equipment.
But thanks for the offer.
Boy, I could go for a beer right now.
You're too little to drink.
Don't you ever, ever drink that stuff!
- Hey, Ozzie, what's this? - Hey!
Gotcha! Whoa! Let go!
(STAIR CREAKS)
Nathan?
(SCREAMS)
Oh, geez, I'm sorry. You all right?
I was on that shelf, looking for tarps. I didn't know you were down here.
I was just trying to make a peace offering,
but I think it's all in that crate.
Hope I didn't ruin what's inside.
Oh, you couldn't damage what's in here.
- The O'Gradys collected a lot of junk. - The O'Gradys?
Yeah, Dan O'Grady. He used to own this place.
He was really a weird, strange guy, you know?
Oh. You mean, weird and strange
like guys who drive dented pick-up trucks and paint houses for a living?
Hey, let's see what he's got in this thing.
Yeah.
Well, that is, of course, unless you're scared.
(SCOFFS) Scared? Me?
Give me a crowbar. I'll bust it open myself.
Got a hammer.
Fine. Hammer is good. Hammer.
- (GRUNTS) - (OZZIE SCREAMS)
- That sounds like Ozzie. - Aahh!
Oh, no!
As fashion statements go, blue is not your best color.
Alex, I asked you to hold that ladder steady.
- (LAUGHING) - Now look what happened!
I'm not even gonna ask what happened, really.
There's a bathroom off the kitchen in there.
At least, it looked a little like a bathroom.
- I don't even like blue. - (LAUGHING)
(CHUCKLING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
CHILD'S VOICE: ♪ Twinkle, twinkle ♪
♪ Little star ♪
- ♪ How I wonder ♪ - Hello?
♪ What you are ♪
♪ Up above the world so high ♪
- Who's in there? - ♪ Like a diamond in the sky ♪
♪ Twinkle, twinkle, little star ♪
♪ How I wonder what you are ♪
Hello?
Wow. What neat junk.
CHILD'S VOICE: Please let me out. Please.
Why won't you let me out of this crate?
How did you get in there?
Please, let me out.
Please, I don't like it in here.
Please.
Hello?
(YELLS)
(GRUNTS) I'm back.
Hey, tubby, you got a light for an old leprechaun's pipe?
(CRUNCHING)
I'm starved. Haven't eaten in ten years.
What... What are you?
What do I look like, me lad?
See the hat? The buckles on me shoes?
Why, I'm a leprechaun.
A shoemaker by trade.
And speaking of shoes,
yours could use a shine.
But first...
have you seen a crock of gold lying around?
Tell me, or I'll bite your ear off,
and I'll make a boot out of it.
- (LAUGHING) - (WHIMPERING)
You only got away 'cause me powers are weak.
I need me gold!
There's a leprechaun in the basement!
Oh, there's a leprechaun in the basement!
- Hold on. Slow down. - He come right up out of a box.
He had these long really scary fingers, and, uh...
He wasn't nice like Lucky Charms or anything, and then he ate a bug!
A leprechaun?
Can we inject a little bit of reality in here, please?
I saw him! I really did see him!
He even tried to polish my shoes!
- So, then, where's your pot of gold? - That's what he said he wanted.
- He said he wanted his pot of gold. - All right.
Where you going?
Well, if it'll make you feel any better, Ozzie,
we'll all go down in the basement and check it out.
Don't go in there, don't go in there, don't go in there!
Hey. Okay? Just in case.
I better go with you.
Just in case.
Uh, Nathan? Nathan?
I don't think that stick's gonna be big enough.
Well, wait. Wait for me. I'm coming, just in case.
Geez, Ozzie, you really busted up this crate.
No, no, no. No, I... I did... I didn't do that.
Uh, that... that was the leprechaun.
Leprechaun.
Well, I don't see anything, Ozzie.
But... this guy was real.
I mean, he had buckles on his shoes,
and he had them real horrible teeth,
and they were all rotten and everything, and... and, uh...
Oh, I... I know he never does brush 'em.
- (CLATTERING) - Th-That's him.
He's gonna kill every one of us, and I'm first.
- Ozzie, come here. - I ain't goin' in that dark corner.
Neither am I.
- (CLATTER) - What was that?
Hey, hang on. Hang on.
- (BOTH GASP) - ALEX: It's only a rat.
It's just a rat. (LAUGHS)
Well, Ozzie, I think we found your leprechaun.
- (SIGHS) - No, no, no.
Y-You don't understand. He... He was bigger than that.
All right, all right. I think we've solved this mystery now.
Can we just get out of here?
- Hey! Hey, look up in the sky! - So what, Ozzie?
- It's just a rainbow. - It's a magic rainbow.
Leprechauns and rainbows. It's a sign.
Yeah. Yeah, it's a sign, all right. It's time to get back to painting.
- Come on. - No, no, no. No.
We gotta go... go see what's at the end.
Ozzie, you're embarrassing me.
Come on. Go with me.
We... We gotta get to the end of the rainbow.
- There's always a pot of gold! - NATHAN: Ozzie.
He's so easily sidetracked.
Like always, I'll take care of it and get him back on the job.
Ozzie, come on! Alex!
Oh, come on. Let 'em go chase rainbows.
Let's you and I go paint.
Um, this is biodegradable, right?
Ozzie, this is stupid! You can't find the end of the rainbow!
Uh-oh.
It's where the rainbow ends.
ALEX: It does sort of look like where it ends.
OZZIE: Hey, look. It's going away.
Don't cut yourself on any of this rusty old metal.
If you do, it'll make your jaw lock shut.
This is neat. Hey, Ozzie, I got an idea.
- What? - Let's hotwire this.
I don't think the battery would be any good.
(SIGHS)
Ooh.
Look at that.
- Ooh! - Give me it!
- No, no, no. - Give me it!
- Just let me look at it for a minute! - Give me it!
I'll give it right back to you, I promise. I promise.
- Give me that. - Hey!
ALEX: Wow! Look at that!
All right, here's your coin.
I found a bag full of 'em!
- Wow! - Cool!
I told you. I told you! Uh-oh.
It's what that leprechaun was talking about.
Will you stop with that stupid leprechaun stuff?
We found this gold. Finders keepers.
I just hope it's real.
I know how to tell if it's real. You just bite on it.
I seen it in a movie.
(GRUNTS)
(GULPS)
Oh, my God. I swallowed that gold coin.
Nice going, Jaws.
Hey, hey, hey, can you die from swallowing gold?
Yeah, after I kill you!
Now, you just let me take charge, okay?
I'm just gonna keep one,
and then I can get it checked out in town and see if it's real or not.
We're gonna hide the rest. We can't tell anyone about this.
Right, right. Why?
'Cause you know how adults are, especially when it comes to money.
They'll just try to take it away.
I got the perfect place to hide it...
the old well beside the house.
Hey, Ozzie, do you know what this means?
We're rich, and... and I can buy comics every week.
- Yeah, but you know what else? - What else?
We can get you an operation.
- For what? - To make you smart.
See, we can go to the hospital
and have them operate and fix your brain.
But... But I-I'm smart.
Yeah, well, sort of.
What I mean is, we could make you real smart.
That way, people won't make fun of you.
- They make fun of me? - Not in front of you.
Only behind your back. Come on. Let's go the well.
Come on!
Um, wait. Here, start in the corners.
Nice, even strokes.
Wow. That's it.
- You got it. - Not bad, huh?
Yeah, yeah. A regular Picasso.
Put me out of business.
- Oh, need another can of paint. - Oh, okay.
Well, you just watch how a pro gets a can of paint.
All right. Let me get a rag first, all right? Go ahead.
Ah...
Oh...
Nathan.
Nathan, come on. What are you doing?
Oh, my God.
(SCREAMS) Oh, what was that?
Oh, geez.
Honey, are you okay? I heard you scream.
I thought that was you rubbing my leg.
- And you let me? - That's not the point.
Something was rubbing my leg,
like caressing it, and it ran off over there.
J.D.: It's probably just an old possum, honey.
No, Dad, that was not an animal, okay?
I know what it feels like when a man caresses my leg.
You do?
Look, we gotta get these cuts cleaned up.
Yeah, I should probably go look for that animal, huh?
- Absolutely. - Wait. Why?
- Might have rabies. - Great.
(CAT MEOWS)
- (CAT MEOWS) - It was a cat.
I think we found your secret admirer, honey.
- (CAT MEOWING) - It wasn't a cat.
Sounds hurt. Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.
- Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. - (MEOWING CONTINUES)
Come on, kitty. Come on.
Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Come on. Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.
- (SCREAMING) - What? What?
- What? - The cat bit me!
- TORY: Oh, my God. - NATHAN: Okay. Put pressure on it.
- It bit me! It bit me! - Oh, my God!
- Stay there. Put pressure on it. - Oh, my God!
It's gonna be okay, Dad. We're gonna take you to the hospital.
- Truck. Ozzie, Alex! - It bit me!
We're taking him to the emergency room, all right?
(GROANING)
Sit down, boy.
- (ENGINE STALLING) - Aw, man.
- TORY: Oh, no! - Come on.
- Alex! - Shoot! The distributor cap.
Right.
Come on, come on!
(ENGINE STARTS)
(LAUGHING)
(BICYCLE BELL RINGING)
(LAUGHING)
Hey, guys, we may be a while, okay?
So why don't you go get a bite to eat at the café?
- We'll see you in a bit. - All right.
- This is our chance. - What, to get something to eat?
- No, to check out the gold coin. - Oh, yeah.
- Come on. It's getting dark. - Okay.
(BELL DINGS)
(WHEEL SQUEAKING)
(LAUGHING)
I have never seen a coin like this.
The symbols, incredibly strange markings.
Cut to the chase. What's it worth?
Well, if this is solid gold,
could be worth $500.
But if there's historical value,
it could be priceless.
Could I keep this overnight and study it?
You won't lose it or anything, will ya?
No, no. I'll put it in my safe.
I'll write up a receipt.
You, uh... You reckon that... that coin
might've come from a leprechaun?
Never mind.
Okay, we'll come back tomorrow.
And let's just keep this between us.
- Okay. - We better get to the restaurant.
They're gonna be pissed we were gone so long.
(DOOR BELL DINGING)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)
I must be hearing things.
Huh.
Well, okay. I'll get this put away right now.
(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)
Three left. Right.
There we go.
(GROWLS, LAUGHS)
I want me gold coin!
(SCREAMING)
(GROANING)
Me coin! (LAUGHS)
It's not nice to steal gold coins from a leprechaun.
Bad shop owner. Bad shop owner.
Aaah!
I'll be back.
(GROANS)
Now we're going to play.
Do you want to play with me?
Oh, no!
No!
- ♪ This old lep, he played one ♪ - (GROANING)
♪ He played pogo on his lung ♪
Teach you to steal me gold.
(LAUGHS)
Aw.
Can't have dirty shoes, now, can we?
(LAUGHS)
There. Nice and shiny.
Oh. You'll bounce back in no time. (LAUGHS)
One gold coin, 99 to go. (LAUGHS)
By the luck of the Irish.
Ah...
♪ Oh, won't you please ♪
♪ Be my four-leaf clover ♪
♪ Can you be my lucky charm ♪
Are you sure you told Ozzie and Alex where this place is?
I mean, they were supposed to meet us here.
Relax. They're kids. Probably just stopped off
to buy Ozzie a comic or something.
Boy, what a night.
My first day here, and my father ends up in the hospital.
Well, it's just for observation. He'll be fine in the morning.
Look on the bright side, Tory. I mean, the worst is over.
♪ Oh, won't you please ♪
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(ENGINE STARTS)
(SIREN WAILING)
(SIREN STOPS)
Say, aren't we a little young to be out this late?
No. I'm 600 years old.
- Okay, smartass. - (GROWLS)
Why don't you take that ridiculous mask off and step out of the car?
It's not nice to make fun of a leprechaun.
(CHUCKLING) Is that so?
- So now you're a leprechaun, huh? - Uh-huh.
- Aah! - (SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(COUNTRY MUSIC)
You sure you don't want anything?
No. I mean, yes, I do want something.
What I wanted was a watercress salad
and an Evian water, but they don't have that here.
All they have is cheap whiskey and warm beer.
Well, here's water.
Geez. Thanks.
(GASPING)
Okay. Okay.
(GROWLS)
Get away from me, you little creep!
Get away!
(GRUNTS) Aah!
Oh, God! Okay.
(LAUGHING)
So, you want to play hide-and-seek, huh?
(LAUGHS)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
- (LEPRECHAUN LAUGHING) - (GASPS)
- Over here! - (GASPS)
(LAUGHING)
- (GASPS) - (LAUGHING CONTINUES)
I'm over here. (LAUGHS)
- Stop. - (LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS)
(LAUGHING)
Stop!
(STAMMERING)
Leave me alone. Leave me alone.
- (LAUGHING CONTINUES) - Leave me alone!
Leave me alone! (GRUNTS)
(LAUGHING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
No more. (GROANS)
No more.
Where the fuck are you?
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, thank God.
Thank God...
- (SCREAMING) - (LAUGHING)
No! Oh, God!
(BONES CRACK)
Ahh...
Now, that was fun. (LAUGHS)
You know, Tory, you look a little skinny.
No offense, but, uh, you should have some meatloaf.
- I got plenty, really. - Oh, no.
- Do you know what that is? - Yeah, it's meatloaf.
No, that's cut-up dead cow.
Okay? And that's if you're lucky, in this place.
See, I don't eat meat, and I don't kill living things.
- I feel very strongly about that. - Really?
Really.
- All right. - (DISHES CLATTER)
What are you... Nathan, what are you doing?
Cut-up dead cow. That's what your shoe is, you know?
Nathan, give me my shoe.
Nathan, give me my shoe back!
Come on! Look, Alex and Ozzie are coming.
Would you try to set a mature example?
- Mmm. - Sorry we're late.
- Hey. - Where have you been?
- We were down over at that place. - (KICK LANDS)
Ow!
(OWL HOOTING)
Now, where's me crock of gold?
Ah. There.
Dad! (LAUGHS)
Daah! Bah!
(SIGHS) I want me gold!
Ohh...
Ooh. Ah.
(SCREAMS)
Oh... (CHUCKLES)
(SLURPS) Ah...
Mmm. Mmm!
(GRUNTING)
There. Ah.
(SPITS)
Ah. (BLOWS)
- NATHAN: Geez. - ALEX: Oh, God.
What the...
Oh, my God.
Uh-oh. I think something got in here.
No shit, Sherlock.
You better watch your mouth and go wash it out
with soap right now, boy.
Sure. Sure. And right after that, Ozzie,
I'll be sure to ground myself for two weeks.
This is crazy.
- What the hell's going on here? - Well, it could've been a bear.
They sometimes come down from the hills looking for food.
Great. My dad had to bring food into this place.
You know what? That leprechaun...
he tried to shine my shoes, and he said he was a shoemaker.
Look, you guys can sit around here and theorize...
bear or no bear... but I am getting out of here.
As a matter of fact, I'm walking out that door,
and I'm not coming back.
(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
A little too dark out there.
All right. Let's clean this place up, all right?
Here. You know how to work one of these, right?
Okay. Fellas.
(OWL HOOTING)
Man!
Well, we finally got that kitchen straightened up.
Yeah. I'm really beginning to get the hang of this thing.
(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)
- What's that? - Sounds like a bell.
(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)
- (GASPS) - Look what I found.
(BELL RINGS)
- Great, Ozzie. - Great.
Uh, I'm gonna go check out the bedrooms,
find out where we're gonna stay tonight.
Oh, great. While you do that, I'm gonna find my purse
and check into a hotel.
(SCOFFS)
Alex,
do you think you could kill a leprechaun?
Ozzie, you can kill anything.
You just gotta know how to do it.
Now, me? Give me a .357 Magnum,
press it to the little green critter's temple,
and blam!
Brains and guts and oozing cruddy stuff
dripping all down its head.
The guy's gone with a capital "Dead."
(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)
Ozzie, will you cut it out with that stupid bell?
(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)
Wait. It sounds like it's coming from the kitchen.
We're, like, really scared, okay?
Stay here. I'm gonna check it out.
TORY: Nathan, be careful.
(SIGHS)
Aah! Aah! Aah! My leg!
(LAUGHING)
(SINGSONG VOICE) Caught you in a bear trap.
I caught you in a bear trap.
- You look like a stupid sap. (LAUGHING) - What the hell are you?
- (GROANING) - Oh, oh, it looks like you're hurt.
Let's play surgeon.
- No! - (LAUGHS)
Aah! (GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
- Nathan! - Tory, no!
- Tory, get back! - What the hell happened?
- My leg! (GROANING) - Oh, my God!
- Aah!
Oh, my God! Ozzie, call the police! Call the police!
- NATHAN: Get off me! - (GRUNTING)
- You can't hurt me. - Oh, my God!
(GRUNTING, SCREAMING)
Alex, get the shotgun!
All right! I'll get the shotgun.
- NATHAN: Hurry up, Alex! - Ozzie, it's me!
- I gotta get the shotgun! - Hurry!
Help! Help! It's happening!
The attack is on. O'Grady farm. Uh, send help.
The... The leprechaun is attacking. Army, navy, guns, marines.
- And we're gonna need some medicine. - Okay, thanks.
Hey, Sheriff, I just got a call from Ozzie. Says the leprechaun is attacking.
(LAUGHS)
What was it last week? Was it UFOs?
No, no, it was Bigfoot. (CHUCKLES)
Well, you'll learn about Ozzie. He's a good boy.
- A leprechaun. - (CHUCKLES)
That's a good one.
I'm coming! Here's the shotgun!
- Take it! - (GRUNTING)
Kill him! Kill him!
- Yeah! - (YELLS)
- (ALEX YELLING) - TORY: Ozzie, hurry up!
- NATHAN: Get this thing off me! - Ozzie, get Alex on the porch!
- Come on, boy. - I don't want to go to the porch!
- (GROANING) - (ALEX YELLING)
- Aah! - Okay!
He went off through the bushes.
(GRUNTS)
(BOTH PANTING)
God! Nathan, that was no fucking bear.
My God. It's gone.
God, Nathan, your leg. Look at it.
Oh, my God! Okay, we gotta call a paramedic.
Oh, I took care of it. I called them, told them we needed the army
and... and the medicine and a paramedic.
Ozzie... Ozzie, y-you didn't tell them that it was a leprechaun, did you?
Of course I did. That's what it was, wasn't it?
- Okay. Okay. All right. - Oh, geez.
All right. We just gotta get him back to the house. Come on.
- (GROANS) - (TELEPHONE CLACKS)
Shit! The line's dead.
- Alex, you a member of the Boy Scouts? - Cub Scouts.
Good enough. Okay, you gotta help me with this.
We gotta stop the bleeding. Ozzie, go to the bathroom,
get everything you can: tissue, alcohol, cotton.
Tory, did that thing look... look like a leprechaun to you?
- Ozzie, go! - NATHAN: Come on, man.
- You're gonna be okay, Nathan. - (LAUGHS)
Okay. So, as soon as we stop the bleeding,
we're gonna take Nathan out to the pickup.
But what if that thing is still out there?
No way. I shot it. I put six rounds into that thing.
- Yeah. It's gotta be dead. - NATHAN: Yeah.
All right. Alex, go the fridge. Get me some ice.
It'll stop the swelling on Nathan's leg.
(NATHAN GROANING)
OZZIE: Alex, get the door.
Come on.
Hurry up and get him out of here!
I don't see him.
- Where is the old guy? - Hurry.
- Come on. Be careful. - Hold on, Nathan.
- Need help? - Yeah.
- Okay. - Oh, God. Do you see him?
- Oh, God, that hurts. - Almost there.
Hurry up! Get him in the truck!
- What if he comes? - TORY: Hurry up. Hurry up. Get in.
NATHAN: Thanks.
- (GROANING) - TORY: Nathan!
- Okay. We made it. - Yeah.
- (ENGINE SPUTTERS) - (GROANS)
- ALEX: What's wrong with the truck? - NATHAN: Oh, no!
- Shit! - The distributor cap.
- (NATHAN MUTTERS) - (EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
- Alex, be careful. - Yeah.
(NATHAN GROANS)
Hurry!
- (LAUGHS) - Aah!
- Let me in! - Hurry! Get in!
- Close the door! - Roll up the window! Hurry!
- Roll it up! Roll it up! - I'm rolling! I'm rolling!
Come on out and play, me friends! (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHING)
- (GRUNTING) - Get away! Get away!
- Aah! Aah! - No!
- (YELLS) - (NATHAN GRUNTING)
Come on!
- (SCREAMING) - Burn and die, you monster!
(LAUGHS)
My... My ear! He... He got my ear!
- Hey, chill! - (ENGINE REVVING)
What the heck is he doing in there?
(REVVING CONTINUES)
(LAUGHS)
- (ENGINE REVS) - (HORN HONKS)
♪ Ring around the rosie, a pocket full of posies ♪
(LAUGHS)
Faster! Faster! (LAUGHS)
TORY: No!
(ALL YELLING)
♪ Ashes, ashes, we all fall down ♪
(LAUGHING)
- (GROANING) - (LAUGHING CONTINUES)
Where'd you go, me friends?
I want to know where me gold is.
Give it back to a nice little harmless leprechaun.
Okay. Let's go. Now.
ALEX: Where is he?
Where are you going, me friends? (LAUGHING)
- (GROANS) - (LAUGHING CONTINUES)
TORY: Hurry!
(SCREAMING)
(YELLING)
Ah...
Oh... (BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GROWLS)
- ALEX: What are we gonna do now? - Phone.
- Phone. I gotta call for help. - ALEX: The phone is dead.
The phone is dead. Okay. My portable!
(BUTTONS BEEPING)
Hello? I need the police. This is an emergency.
Yes. Hello. This is Tory Reding. I'm calling from the O'Grady farm.
Um, something really terrible has happened,
and we need you to send someone out here right away.
Okay. Please hurry. You've got... Hello?
Damn it! Okay. The battery died.
- Oh, no! - TORY: It's okay.
I got through, and they're gonna send somebody,
and we're gonna be okay.
It's gonna be fine.
Deputy Tripet, come in. This is Sheriff Cronin.
Tripet, do you read me?
TRIPET: I read you, Sheriff. Yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, yeah, this is Sheriff Cronin.
We got a... a call from over there at the O'Grady farm.
A female, name of Tory Reding, called in an emergency.
Get out there on a code-one priority right away.
TRIPET'S VOICE: Roger, Sheriff.
My ETA is less than three minutes.
- If I need backup, I'll call it in. - SHERIFF: Roger, Tripet.
You got the back door, right?
Right. And the basement windows are locked up tight.
All right. Now double-check the windows in the kitchen.
Oh, my ear sure hurts, Tory.
I bet that leprechaun made a boot out of it.
You're gonna be okay, Ozzie. He didn't get your ear.
- He just bit it. - Where the hell are the police?
Well, they should be here by now.
Okay.
All right. Now, I'm gonna have to make this a little tighter, okay?
- (GROANS) - Too tight?
(GROANS) No, it's all right. It's all right.
Boy, that leprechaun sure is mean.
It is not a leprechaun, damn it!
Ozzie, now, I admit I don't know what the hell that thing was,
but it is not a leprechaun.
Do you understand?
Well, what about the gold in the old rusty car?
- (BLOW LANDS) - Oh.
Oh, ne-never mind what I just said.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
What do you... What do you mean, gold?
- Alex. - (GRUNTS)
Tell me, Alex. The gold?
We were gonna save it to get Ozzie an operation to fix his brain.
Alex, you can't fix Ozzie's brain.
I know that, but he doesn't.
Okay. Okay. Tell me about the gold.
Okay. In the water bucket, right?
Right. Just pull it up, and there's a bag of gold coins.
Okay. This has gotta work.
If all he wants is his gold, he's gotta leave us alone.
- Let's go. Come on. - No, no, no, no.
- No, you're hurt too bad. - Come on.
- Ow! All right, all right. - Sit down, Nathan.
- Okay, look, take this gun with you, okay? - Okay.
Just cock it, aim it, and pull the trigger.
- Okay. - (GROANS)
You ever work one of those things before?
Nope.
Watch out for those teeth.
(OWL HOOTING)
(GRUNTS) God! Come on. Come on.
(LAUGHS)
- (SCREAMS) - Is that me gold?
What the hell are you?
I'm a leprechaun, me dear.
Here. This is what you're looking for, right?
Ahh!
Me powers are returning. (LAUGHS)
(COINS RATTLE)
It sounds like me gold. (LAUGHS)
It looks like me gold. (LAUGHS)
(SNIFFING)
It smells like me gold. (LAUGHS)
Mmm. It tastes like me gold. (LAUGHS)
- (KISSES, LAUGHING) - Oh, God!
Oh, God! Oh!
Me golden delicious gold. (LAUGHS)
Be calm. Be calm.
Okay. He took it.
Okay, so he got what he wanted.
Now we can get everybody to the hospital and, uh, call for help.
It's over.
94... (LAUGHS)
95...
96... (LAUGHS)
Oh! 97... (LAUGHS)
And 98...
and 99...
A missing coin.
I've been tricked.
They've got me coin!
No one takes a leprechaun's gold.
Aahh!
Oh, God. Alex, you gotta get some ice for Ozzie's ear,
and boil up some water.
I'll cover you.
(GROANS)
- (YELLS) - (SCREAMING)
(ALL YELLING)
Put me down!
(GRUNTING)
We're cooking now, kids. (LAUGHS)
Ozzie!
TORY: Okay. Over there.
Oh, God, he's in the cabinets.
Okay. Tory, I want you to open it up and get back quickly, okay?
- Okay. - Go.
- Aah! - God!
I want me gold!
- Quick! - Okay.
- (GRUNTS) - Oh, God!
You should have picked door number two, me lad.
(LAUGHS)
- Okay. Okay. - (YELLS)
- (SCREAMS) - (LEPRECHAUN LAUGHS)
(YELLS)
You missed me. (LAUGHS)
- Oh, my God! - ALEX: Where is he?
- You can never catch a leprechaun. - There he goes!
Come on.
There he goes. He's getting away.
- Where the hell did he go? - He went in there!
Alex, go stay with Ozzie.
(GROANS) Come on.
(GRUNTS)
(MUTTERS)
(RUSTLING)
Ho-ho-ho!
I'm right here, and I ain't no Santa Claus.
(GRUNTS)
We got the sucker!
Nathan, be careful.
You think it's dead?
Yeah. Yeah, he's dead.
- (YELLS) - (SCREAMS)
Not a chance, me lads!
♪ Fiddle-dee diddle-dee dee, a leprechaun me ♪ (LAUGHS)
All right. Hang on. Hang on.
Okay. Okay.
Okay.
(RATTLING)
- What the hell is that? - I don't know.
I don't know.
- (GASPS) - (CACKLES)
(CACKLING)
(TRILLING)
- (GRUNTS) - (LAUGHING)
Oh, God!
Come on.
Okay, where the hell is he?
- Wait, wait. Hold on. Hold on. - (THUDDING)
Toward the basement. Toward the basement!
- (RUNNING FOOTFALLS) - No. Listen. Over here.
- Yeah, he's over there. I hear him. - He's over there.
- Wait. No. Listen. - (RATTLING)
All right. Okay, he's going this way. Going this way.
- Right here. - Okay.
Okay, come on, you little green fucker, poke your head out.
- Come on, you little... - ALEX: Where is he?
- (DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS) - Ohh!
- ALEX: He went outside. - He's gone.
- Crap. - He's gone.
He's...
(GROANS)
TORY: It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.
ALEX: Do you hear anything?
- (YELLS, LAUGHS) - (ALL SCREAMING)
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
(THUDDING)
- ALEX: He's going down in the basement! - (TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello, hello! Help us, please!
Come help us! We're trapped inside of here!
LEPRECHAUN: Where's the rest of me gold?
(SCREAMS)
(TELEPHONE CLATTERS ON GROUND)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(RINGING CONTINUES)
LEPRECHAUN: Having problems?
Do you need a hand?
(SCREAMING)
God, I don't get what the fuck's going on!
I gave him his gold!
I... I think I know what he wants.
What?
He... He wants his last gold coin.
ALEX: Stop him! He's got the last gold coin in his stomach!
Ozzie, come on! You can't go out there!
There's gotta be another way.
That thing is a leprechaun, and we've gotta find a way to stop it!
Wait. Old man O'Grady. He might know how to kill it.
- NATHAN: What? - When I was a little kid,
he used to tell me stories about fairies and leprechauns.
If anybody would know how to kill this thing, he would.
He owned this house. He... He probably put that thing in its crate.
- Well, where is he? - NATHAN: Old man O'Grady
is in a rest home at the end of town.
He had a stroke about... what... 10 years ago.
Well, then we gotta go there. We gotta go there right now!
- ALEX: How we gonna get there? - The jeep. Okay...
Wait a sec. Wait. I got an idea.
Okay.
Alex, keep the door unlocked.
Ow.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
- Hello, love! (LAUGHS) - (ALL SCREAMING)
(ALL GRUNTING)
Ohh!
TORY: Farther! Come on!
Oh. Ah.
Oh, yeah.
- Shiny, shiny. - (TORY YELLS)
Oh. Ohh.
- TORY: Good. - Aah.
- Okay, Tory, we're clear. - Okay. I'll be back.
- (ENGINE STARTS) - (MUTTERS)
Oh.
(EXCLAIMING)
(PANTING)
Whoa! Aah!
(YELLING)
No! No! No!
(GROANING)
Oh, God.
(SNORING)
O'Grady, O'Grady.
Dan O'Grady.
(SNORING CONTINUES)
(SNORTS)
(GASPS)
(SIGHING)
(SIGHS)
Mr. O'Grady?
It's out. It's out of the crate.
You believe it.
No one believed it was a leprechaun.
I believe it. How do we stop it?
There's only one way...
one way to kill a leprechaun... but I'm not going to tell ya.
What?
- I'll never tell ya! (LAUGHS) - (SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
Oh, my God! Oh!
- (LAUGHING CONTINUES) - (SCREAMS)
(TIRES SCREECH)
No! Oh!
Oh, God! Oh!
- (WHOOPS) - (TIRES SCREECH)
(LAUGHING)
Oh! Oh! Come on! Open, open, open!
(GRUNTING)
Come on! Oh!
- (LAUGHING CONTINUES) - (YELLING)
(BRAKES SCREECHING, CRASH)
(SCREAMS)
Oh, God. Oh...
No!
He came back for me.
I knew he would,
but no-nobody would believe me.
God, we've gotta get you down.
No. No. It's too... too late for that now.
But you have to... you have to kill it.
How? How can we kill it?
A four-leaf clover,
freshly plucked from the clover patch
beside the well.
You gotta put it on his body.
It has to touch him.
Then you can kill him.
Okay.
(SIGHS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(LAUGHING)
No...
(SCREAMS)
Little girls shouldn't look for four-leaf clovers.
- (YELLS) - (LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
- (GRUNTING) - Come to me, me dear.
Oh! (SCREAMS)
Oh!
(WHIMPERING)
Oh, G... (MUTTERING)
Oh, my God, a cop! Oh, my God, a cop!
Help! Please!
You gotta help us! Please help us!
Please! Please! Oh, my God! You've gotta help us!
Oh, my God, no!
- (SCREAMING) - (LAUGHING)
I want me gold!
(GRUNTING)
- Oh! No! - (LAUGHING)
(WHIMPERING)
Oh, no! Get out! Please get out!
(SOBBING)
(LAUGHS)
An eye for an eye, me dear. (LAUGHS)
Oh, please, please get out!
- (CRYING) - (LAUGHS)
Aahh!
Tory!
- We heard your screams. - Oh, my God.
- Where's Alex? - He's okay. He's up in the house.
- He's safe. - Okay. Oh, God. Okay.
O'Grady said that we need to have a four-leaf clover.
A four-leaf clover will kill the leprechaun.
We better get outta here before that thing wakes up.
Okay. There's gotta be a four-leaf clover in the patch up there.
- He said there was. - Okay, come on. Let's go.
- Let's go. - Okay.
(OWL HOOTING)
Whoa, look at this, you guys!
We're never gonna find a four-leaf clover in here.
Yes, we can. I found one once when I was a kid.
(OWL HOOTING)
- Hey! - What?
Oh, never mind.
Oh, God, Ozzie! (SIGHS)
- I gotta get him. - (OWL HOOTING)
(WHIMPERS) I'm not afraid.
I can get that leprechaun.
Please don't be here yet.
I know I can get him. I'm not afraid.
I'm gonna kill him.
I can get him. I can get him.
I'm not afraid.
(LEPRECHAUN WHISPERING, INDISTINCT)
Forget it. We're not gonna find it.
Y-You can, too, find it. You just gotta believe.
Damn it, Ozzie!
I'm so sick of your magic and your stupid fantasies!
Okay, it's too late for that now! We don't have time
to sit here in a damn clover patch and look for clovers!
- That thing is gonna wake up! - You've lost your faith.
You gotta believe. You got to.
All right, Ozzie. Here. Look. Here. Look.
I believe. I believe!
Look. You... You found one!
I told you. I told you!
- (MUTTERS) - Yes!
- We've gotta get this on the leprechaun! - Yeah! Come on!
- (YELLS) - Top o' the morning, me lad!
- Please! Let go! Let go! - Now I'll finish what I started.
- Get down! - Help! Please!
Nathan! Ozzie! Please, somebody help me!
He's gonna kill me! Let go! Please, help!
No! It's me!
It's me you want, you little green son of a bitch!
I've got the last gold coin. I swallowed it. It's in my stomach.
Then it's your belly I want. (GRUNTING)
- Use the clover! Use the clover! - How's your leg?
- Aah! - TORY: Are you okay?
- Wait! No! - I gotta go see Ozzie!
Alex! (GROANS)
(YELLING)
Ugh! Aah!
(SCREAMING)
I want me last coin!
(GRUNTING) Me gold!
Hang on, Ozzie! I'll save you! One second!
I'll save you! Hang on! Hey, lep!
(MUTTERS)
Fuck you, Lucky Charms.
(GRUNTS)
(GAGGING)
(GURGLES)
(GROWLING)
Aahh!
(GRUNTING)
Aah!
We did it.
I did a smart thing. I did a smart thing, didn't I?
You're really smart, Ozzie.
You just hang in there, okay?
Hey, Alex, what's that?
Gotcha.
First time I ever got ya.
You sure did, Ozzie.
I want me gold!
Oh, Jesus.
(LEPRECHAUN GRUNTS)
(WATER SPLASHES)
(SIRENS WAILING)
(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)
LEPRECHAUN: I'll not rest till I have me gold.
Curse this well that me soul shall dwell
till I find me magic that breaks me spell.
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