1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

2
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:01,432
Goddamn bugs.

3
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,953
Oh, shit.

4
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:28,834
Oh, crap.

5
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:43,515
Well, Nick the Dick.
What a surprise.

6
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:45,726
Where you coming from, Nick?

7
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:49,146
Fishing in Cuernavaca.
Mm-hm. Sure you were.

8
00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:51,565
What do you say we take
a look at your catch, huh?

9
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,192
Come on.

10
00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:02,159
Me, I would've thrown them back.

11
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,667
So, Nick, what do you get?

12
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,710
Like a hundred bucks
a head here? Two hundred?

13
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:15,464
Hope you saved it all for your lawyer, my
friend, because you are gonna need it.

14
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,846
We'll take it from here.
Who the hell are you?

15
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,348
INS, Division 6.

16
00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:27,017
Division 6?
I never heard of Division 6.

17
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,686
Really?

18
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:32,523
Who you got your money on, Dee?
Tough call, Kay.

19
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:11,979
We've got a winner here, Dee.
Oh, I know.

20
00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:19,945
Sir. Sir, you can't just...

21
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:21,572
Don't "sir" me, young man.

22
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:25,075
You have no idea
who you're dealing with.

23
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,333
We're gonna have a little
chat with our friend here.

24
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,626
You fellas can hit the road.

25
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:38,589
Keep on protecting us
from the dangerous aliens.

26
00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:44,595
You ever hear of Division 6?

27
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:47,848
There is no Division 6.
This is bullshit.

28
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,808
Hell, yeah.

29
00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:54,021
Looks like you fell off the bus
in the wrong part of town, amigo.

30
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,982
In fact, I'm gonna bet dollars to pesos
you're not from anywhere near here.

31
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,529
Mikey?

32
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,247
Mikey, when did they
let you out of jail?

33
00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:14,333
Political refugee, right.

34
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:17,628
You know how many
treaties you just violated?

35
00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,963
One?
Try seven.

36
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:25,761
That's enough, Mikey.
You hand me that head.

37
00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:32,810
Put up your arms
and all your flippers.

38
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,823
AW, shit.

39
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:50,536
Dee, shoot him.

40
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,001
Dee!

41
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:18,355
Th... Th...

42
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,150
Th... Th...

43
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:22,901
"That."
That...

44
00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:25,112
Wa... Wa... Wa...

45
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:26,822
Was not human. I know.

46
00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:30,033
Looks like you got some
entrails on you there, pal.

47
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,911
- What the hell?
- The situation's under control.

48
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:35,789
Calm down, please. Give me
your attention for a moment.

49
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,541
I'll be glad to tell you
what happened.

50
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:50,971
This is called a neuralyzer. It's a gift
from some friends from out of town.

51
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:54,600
This red eye here will isolate the
electronic impulses in your brains.

52
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,310
And more specifically,
the ones for memory.

53
00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:59,104
That's good, fellas. Give me a
splay burn around the perimeter

54
00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:02,483
with holes at 40, 60 and 80
meters from right here.

55
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,193
Thank you.

56
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,451
That's good. Thank you.
What in the hell is going on?

57
00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,244
Excellent question.

58
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:17,080
And the answer you're
looking for lies right here.

59
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:23,003
- Who are you, really?
- Really?

60
00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:27,424
I am just a figment
of your imagination.

61
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,139
Damn, what a gullible breed.

62
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:38,268
I'm serious, fellas. You're lucky to
be alive after a blast like that.

63
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:39,436
What blast?

64
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,146
The underground gas main,
genius.

65
00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,607
You fellas need to exercise a lot more
caution before discharging your firearms,

66
00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:46,944
I'll tell you that right now.
Especially you.

67
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,112
Have yourself checked out
with EMS

68
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,782
on the other side of the hill
before you leave.

69
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:05,170
I'm sorry about back there.

70
00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:08,882
It happens.
Didn't used to.

71
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,136
The spirit's willing, Kay...

72
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,265
but the rest of me...

73
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:21,478
They're beautiful, aren't they?
What?

74
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,647
The stars.

75
00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:29,069
We never just look any more No.

76
00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:34,032
I'll tell you, Kay,

77
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:37,494
I will miss the chase.

78
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,168
No, Dee, you won't.

79
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:50,173
Freeze! N.Y.P.D. Freeze!

80
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:53,677
All yours, Edwards.

81
00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:57,222
"Freeze" means stop.

82
00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,933
Yo! Whoa!

83
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,731
What the hell?

84
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:10,235
All right. Come on.

85
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:17,034
It just be raining black people
in New York.

86
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,560
Do you see this? Huh?

87
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,646
"N-Y-P-D."

88
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,440
Means I will knock
your punk ass down.

89
00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:50,067
He's coming. He's coming.

90
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,611
Yeah, and when he gets here,
I'll arrest his ass too.

91
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,451
Oh, you trying to catch
a beat-down, huh?

92
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,186
What's up?

93
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,939
He's coming.

94
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:13,984
He's coming because I failed,
and now he'll kill me too.

95
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:17,571
Yeah? Well, you're just
pissing everybody off today, huh?

96
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:22,826
You don't understand.
Your world's gonna end.

97
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:26,663
What the hell are you?

98
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:34,504
Hey, watch that ledge.
Watch the ledge.

99
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,173
Wait. Look, look,
come on down.

100
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:38,842
We'll get those eyes fixed.
Don't even worry about it.

101
00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:41,386
Look, all right, wait a minute.
Let me talk to you. Hey! Hey!

102
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,687
I go out, I work
my butt off to make a living.

103
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,939
All I want is to come home
to a nice, clean house

104
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,734
with a nice, fat steak on the table,
but instead I get this.

105
00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:56,943
It looks like poison.

106
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,571
Don't you take that away.
I'm eating that, damn it.

107
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,072
It is poison, isn't it?

108
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,700
I swear to God, I would
not be surprised if it was,

109
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:06,745
the way you skulk around here
like a dog who been hit too much

110
00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:09,372
or ain't been hit enough,
I can't make up my mind.

111
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,249
You're useless, Beatrice.

112
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:15,796
The only thing that pulls its weight
around here is my goddamn truck.

113
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,599
Figures.

114
00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:37,776
What the heck is it, Edgar?

115
00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:42,739
Get your big butt
back in the house.

116
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:57,254
Place projectile
weapon on the ground.

117
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,130
You can have my gun

118
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:01,633
when you pry it from
my cold, dead fingers.

119
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,094
Your proposal is acceptable.

120
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:49,806
Edgar, what on Earth was that?
Sugan

121
00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:52,350
I've never seen sugar do that.

122
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,687
Give me sugar.

123
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,651
In water.

124
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,659
More.

125
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,372
More.

126
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,680
Edgar, your skin
is hanging off your bones.

127
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,022
Oh, yeah.

128
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,443
There. Is that better?

129
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:15,558
"The perpetrator then blinked
two sets of eyelids."

130
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,268
You mean blinked
with both eyes?

131
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:20,855
No, sir, he blinked one set, then he
blinked a completely different set.

132
00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:24,067
You know, like high
beams and low beams.

133
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:27,320
Was that before or after
he drew the weapon

134
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,740
that you claim evaporated
into a million pieces?

135
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,451
After, sir.

136
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:37,414
And why is it that none of the other
officers saw either of these two events?

137
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:40,291
Well, sir, some of the other officers are
a little soggy around the midsection.

138
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:42,252
I guess that's why
they weren't able to keep up.

139
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,295
Hey, Edwards, if you were
half the man I am...

140
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:47,090
What the hell are you talking about?
I am half the man that you are.

141
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,299
What is your problem?

142
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,427
My problem is you being
all up in my damn face.

143
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,096
I think he threw him off the roof.
Really? Maybe you next.

144
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:54,347
I wanna talk to you.

145
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,475
Ten minutes, you take
your best shot, tough guy.

146
00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:02,022
Take 10 minutes on a StairMaster,
you pudgy bastard.

147
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:07,944
I believe you.

148
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,904
Laurel Weaver,
deputy medical examiner.

149
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,198
Find me at the morgue
on 26th. I'll show you.

150
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,284
Wait a minute.
Hey, wait a minute.

151
00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:17,037
Excuse me,
you're Dr. Weaver

152
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,831
with the coroner's office
working on the John Doe, right?

153
00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:22,542
Yes, that's right.
Will you look at this, please?

154
00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:26,838
Phew.

155
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,134
Some night, huh?

156
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:34,763
Yeah, some night.
They were gills, not eyelids.

157
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:38,016
Gills.
He was out of breath.

158
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,644
Who are you?
Did he say anything to you?

159
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:44,647
Yeah, he said the world
was coming to an end.

160
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:46,649
Did he say when?

161
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,116
Would you recognize that weapon
of his if you saw it again?

162
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:56,659
Absolutely.

163
00:17:58,369 --> 00:17:59,996
Come on, let's take a ride.

164
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:03,166
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Look, I got tons of paperwork and...

165
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,335
Right, it's all done.
Good work, Edwards.

166
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:08,463
You really ran this dude down on foot?
That's tough, kid.

167
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,548
That's double tough.

168
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:24,687
So who exactly are you with?
FBI? NSA?

169
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,981
I'm part of a bureau
that licenses, monitors

170
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:29,609
and polices alien activity
on the planet Earth.

171
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,570
- Yeah, whatever.
- We're here.

172
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,825
This is where we going?
Yeah.

173
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:39,953
This is Jack Jeebs' spot.
He buys from chain-snatchers.

174
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,580
He doesn't even sell guns.
Really?

175
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,834
All right, look, I'm gonna slide up in
here and I'm gonna put my thing down,

176
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,253
but when I come back out,
I want some real answers.

177
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,505
Okay, go put your thing down.

178
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:58,555
Officer Eduardo.
Hey, how did these get here?

179
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,849
I thought I turned these in
to the proper authorities.

180
00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:04,477
The way I hear it, Jeebsie, you into something
a little hotter than some stolen Rolexes.

181
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,689
Yeah, well, I'm a huge crack dealer now, but
I still work here because I love the hours.

182
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:11,025
I'm talking about guns,
smart-ass. Weird ones.

183
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,653
Come on, Edwards.
What you see is what I got.

184
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,825
Why don't you show him
the imports, Jeebs?

185
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,743
Hey, Kay. How are you?

186
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,078
Show him the imports right now.

187
00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:24,122
I got out of that business
a long time ago.

188
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,748
Why do you lie to me?
I hate it.

189
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,417
Now, just hold on a second.

190
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:28,918
I'm gonna count to three.

191
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,253
- He'll do it, Jeebs.
- One.

192
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,172
That man does not look stable.
Two.

193
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,008
You know what? Talk to me.
He's crazy when he's like this.

194
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:37,093
He's always crazy. Why
don't you get a massage?

195
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,261
Take a cruise...

196
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:39,512
Three.
Drop the weapon.

197
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,347
Put your hands on your head.
I warned him.

198
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,057
Drop the weapon.
You warned him.

199
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:44,350
Don't make me kill you.

200
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:47,854
You insensitive prick.

201
00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:53,443
Do you have any idea
how much that stings?

202
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:56,196
Show us the merchandise or you're
gonna lose another head, Jeebs.

203
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,835
Mr. Edwards.

204
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:17,300
Right there,
the one in the middle.

205
00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:23,723
You sold a reverberating
carbonizer with mutate capacity

206
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,684
to an unlicensed cephalopoid,
Jeebs, you piece of...

207
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:28,561
He looked all right to me.

208
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,063
Must have been
for an assassination.

209
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,689
Who's the target?
You know, I don't know.

210
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,858
Goddamn it, Jeebs.
I don't know.

211
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:38,529
That's confiscated, all of it, and I want
you on the next transport off this rock

212
00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:40,990
or I'm gonna shoot you
where it don't grow back.

213
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:44,869
Yeah, and...

214
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:48,498
And I'm gonna be back
to talk about them Rolexes.

215
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:13,356
Searching for a handle
on the moment?

216
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,526
I can't help you.

217
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,362
The only comfort
I can offer is my promise

218
00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:22,699
that tomorrow morning
you won't remember a thing.

219
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:25,535
Yeah, well, that's not exactly
some shit you just forget.

220
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,036
You ever seen one of these, son?

221
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:35,253
She looks over at her husband, then
she sets it back down in her lap

222
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,504
and she says,

223
00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:40,258
"Honey, this one's
eating my popcorn."

224
00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:46,055
Did you get it?
"This one's eating my..."

225
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:50,393
Whoa. I gotta go.
Thanks for the egg rolls, kid.

226
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,938
Hey, wait a minute. Who are you?
You see what I mean about tequila?

227
00:21:54,105 --> 00:21:57,859
You're a very bright young man, James,
but you need to lay off the sauce.

228
00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:00,486
Now, I'll see you
bright and early, 9:00.

229
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:04,240
Be there or be square.

230
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:26,596
Well, well, well.

231
00:22:26,763 --> 00:22:30,099
Moving right in, are we?
Think we own the place?

232
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:32,268
I got a little eviction
notice for you boys.

233
00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:35,355
Just what exactly do you
think you're doing here?

234
00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:39,108
I'm taking care of your pest problem.
Pest problem?

235
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:43,404
Pest?
Yeah, you got a hell of an infestation.

236
00:22:43,571 --> 00:22:46,491
You know, I've noticed
an infestation here.

237
00:22:46,657 --> 00:22:52,205
Everywhere I look, in fact, nothing but
undeveloped, unevolved, barely conscious pond scum

238
00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:55,124
totally convinced
of their own superiority

239
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:59,462
as they scurry about their short,
pointless lives.

240
00:22:59,962 --> 00:23:02,340
Well, yeah.

241
00:23:03,007 --> 00:23:06,177
Don't you wanna get rid of them?
Oh, in the worst way.

242
00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:45,675
Help you?
Yeah, this dude gave me this card...

243
00:23:45,842 --> 00:23:47,718
Elevator.

244
00:24:12,034 --> 00:24:14,871
You're late. Sit down.

245
00:24:21,252 --> 00:24:23,045
My name is Zed.

246
00:24:23,212 --> 00:24:25,882
You're all here because
you're the best of the best.

247
00:24:26,048 --> 00:24:30,803
Marines, Air Force, Navy
SEALS, Army Rangers, N.Y.P.D.

248
00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:33,890
And we're looking for
one of you, just one.

249
00:24:34,056 --> 00:24:36,726
What will follow
is a series of simple tests

250
00:24:36,893 --> 00:24:41,230
for motor skills,
concentration, stamina.

251
00:24:41,397 --> 00:24:43,065
I see we have a question.

252
00:24:43,232 --> 00:24:45,568
Yeah, I'm sorry, maybe you
already answered this,

253
00:24:45,735 --> 00:24:48,321
but why exactly are we here?

254
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:51,365
Son?
Second Lieutenant Jake Jensen.

255
00:24:51,532 --> 00:24:53,075
West Point
graduate with honors.

256
00:24:53,242 --> 00:24:57,747
We're here because you're looking for
the best of the best of the best, sir.

257
00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:06,756
What's so funny, Edwards?
Your boy Captain America over here.

258
00:25:07,381 --> 00:25:10,176
"The best of the best
of the best, sir."

259
00:25:10,343 --> 00:25:11,802
You know, "With honors."

260
00:25:11,969 --> 00:25:15,932
You know, he's just really excited,
and he has no clue why we're here.

261
00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:19,143
That's just...
That's very funny to me.

262
00:25:20,019 --> 00:25:21,604
Y'all ain't laughing, though.

263
00:25:29,445 --> 00:25:31,322
Okay, let's get going.

264
00:26:56,157 --> 00:26:57,199
Wanna get down on this?

265
00:27:23,225 --> 00:27:25,561
Edwards,
what the hell happened?

266
00:27:25,728 --> 00:27:26,729
Hesitated.

267
00:27:29,649 --> 00:27:33,194
May I ask why you felt
little Tiffany deserved to die?

268
00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:36,155
Well, she was the only one that
actually seemed dangerous at the time, sir.

269
00:27:36,322 --> 00:27:37,490
How'd you come
to that conclusion?

270
00:27:37,865 --> 00:27:40,451
Well, first I was gonna pop this
guy hanging from the streetlight.

271
00:27:40,618 --> 00:27:42,328
And then I realized, you know,
he's just working out.

272
00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:46,332
How would I feel if somebody come running in the
gym, bust me in my ass while I'm on the treadmill?

273
00:27:46,499 --> 00:27:49,085
Then I saw this
snarling beast guy.

274
00:27:49,251 --> 00:27:52,672
I noticed he had a tissue in his hand,
and I realized he's not snarling,

275
00:27:52,838 --> 00:27:53,964
he's sneezing.

276
00:27:54,131 --> 00:27:56,759
You know, ain't no real threat there.
Then I saw little Tiffany.

277
00:27:56,926 --> 00:28:00,096
I'm thinking, you know, 8-year-old
white girl, middle of the ghetto,

278
00:28:00,262 --> 00:28:03,182
bunch of monsters, this time on
night, with quantum-physics books?

279
00:28:03,349 --> 00:28:05,685
She about to start some shit, Zed.
She's about 8 years old.

280
00:28:05,851 --> 00:28:08,062
Those books
are way too advanced for her.

281
00:28:08,229 --> 00:28:10,606
If you ask me,
I say she's up to something.

282
00:28:10,773 --> 00:28:14,902
And to be honest, I'd appreciate it
if you eased up off my back about it.

283
00:28:17,780 --> 00:28:19,782
Or do I owe her an apology?

284
00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:29,792
That was a good shot,
though, right?

285
00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:36,465
He's got a real problem
with authority.

286
00:28:36,632 --> 00:28:38,050
So do I.

287
00:28:38,217 --> 00:28:41,387
But this kid ran down
a cephalopoid on foot, boss.

288
00:28:41,554 --> 00:28:43,806
That's gotta be tough enough.

289
00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:46,976
Let's hope you know
what you're doing.

290
00:28:55,151 --> 00:28:57,361
Gentlemen, congratulations.

291
00:28:57,528 --> 00:29:01,073
You're everything we've come to expect
from years of government training.

292
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,952
And now, if you'll just follow me,
we have one more test to administer:

293
00:29:05,119 --> 00:29:07,163
an eye exam.

294
00:29:19,759 --> 00:29:21,510
Where are you going?

295
00:29:22,011 --> 00:29:24,305
Yo. Hey, man,
what the hell is all this?

296
00:29:24,472 --> 00:29:27,683
Back in the mid-1950s, the government
started a little underfunded agency

297
00:29:27,850 --> 00:29:31,520
with the simple and laughable purpose of
establishing contact with a race not of this planet.

298
00:29:31,687 --> 00:29:35,065
If you'll look directly at the end of
this device, we'll administer the eye test.

299
00:29:35,232 --> 00:29:38,027
Everybody thought the agency
was a joke except the aliens

300
00:29:38,194 --> 00:29:41,781
who made contact March 2,
1961, outside New York.

301
00:29:41,947 --> 00:29:46,035
There were nine of us the first
seven agents, one astronomer

302
00:29:46,202 --> 00:29:48,454
and one dumb kid who got
lost on the wrong back road.

303
00:29:48,621 --> 00:29:51,415
Oh, you brought
that tall man some flowers.

304
00:29:52,124 --> 00:29:54,043
This way.

305
00:29:54,418 --> 00:29:56,670
They were a group
of intergalactic refugees.

306
00:29:56,837 --> 00:30:00,800
Wanted to use the Earth as an apolitical
zone for creatures without a planet.

307
00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:02,551
Did you ever see
the movie Casablanca?

308
00:30:02,718 --> 00:30:03,928
It's the same thing,
except no Nazis.

309
00:30:04,094 --> 00:30:05,554
Oh.
We agreed,

310
00:30:05,721 --> 00:30:07,848
and we concealed all the
evidence of their landing.

311
00:30:08,015 --> 00:30:10,434
Uh-huh. So these
are real flying saucers

312
00:30:10,601 --> 00:30:12,603
and the World's Fair was just
a cover-up for their landing?

313
00:30:12,770 --> 00:30:14,396
Why else would we
hold it in Queens?

314
00:30:14,563 --> 00:30:17,650
More nonhumans arrive every year,
and they live among us in secret.

315
00:30:17,817 --> 00:30:20,444
Look, I'm sorry, not to change
the subject or anything,

316
00:30:20,611 --> 00:30:22,905
but when was the last time
you had a CAT scan?

317
00:30:23,072 --> 00:30:24,740
Six months ago.
It's company policy.

318
00:30:24,907 --> 00:30:26,909
Right, you should
make another appointment.

319
00:30:27,076 --> 00:30:29,870
Look, tell your boy Zed I had
an absolutely wonderful time,

320
00:30:30,037 --> 00:30:33,332
and thank you for everything, but
why don't you show me the door?

321
00:30:33,499 --> 00:30:36,669
All right. I'm gonna get some coffee.
You want some coffee?

322
00:30:36,836 --> 00:30:39,755
No, thank you, I'm fine.
Okay.

323
00:30:43,926 --> 00:30:45,094
How you doing, fellas?

324
00:30:45,261 --> 00:30:47,513
Hi, Kay.
Hi, Kay.

325
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,140
That's not decaf, is it?
Viennese cinnamon.

326
00:30:50,724 --> 00:30:53,060
Don't tell me we only got that
powdered stuff for cream again.

327
00:30:53,227 --> 00:30:54,520
I hate that stuff.

328
00:30:56,522 --> 00:30:59,358
Oh, that's good. Good, good.

329
00:30:59,525 --> 00:31:00,609
You guys getting
along all right?

330
00:31:02,778 --> 00:31:04,363
Well, don't work too hard.

331
00:31:04,530 --> 00:31:06,282
Okay. Bye.

332
00:31:06,448 --> 00:31:07,616
So you guys seen...?

333
00:31:08,284 --> 00:31:10,077
Sure you don't
want some coffee?

334
00:31:16,625 --> 00:31:18,127
All right, kid, here's the deal.

335
00:31:18,294 --> 00:31:21,797
At any given time, there are
around 1500 aliens on the planet,

336
00:31:21,964 --> 00:31:23,883
most of them right here
in Manhattan.

337
00:31:24,049 --> 00:31:25,551
And most of them
are decent enough.

338
00:31:25,718 --> 00:31:27,469
They're just trying
to make a living.

339
00:31:27,636 --> 00:31:29,972
Cabdrivers.
No, not as many as you'd think.

340
00:31:30,139 --> 00:31:31,974
Humans, for the most part,
don't have a clue.

341
00:31:32,141 --> 00:31:34,101
They don't want one or need one either.
They're happy.

342
00:31:34,268 --> 00:31:38,772
They think they have
a good bead on things.

343
00:31:38,939 --> 00:31:39,982
But why the big secret?

344
00:31:40,149 --> 00:31:42,902
People are smart. They can handle it.
A person is smart.

345
00:31:43,068 --> 00:31:47,197
People are dumb, panicky, dangerous
animals, and you know it.

346
00:31:47,364 --> 00:31:52,453
Fifteen hundred years ago, everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.

347
00:31:52,620 --> 00:31:55,998
Five hundred years ago, everybody
knew the Earth was flat.

348
00:31:56,165 --> 00:32:00,794
And 15 minutes ago, you knew that
people were alone on this planet.

349
00:32:02,379 --> 00:32:06,342
Imagine what
you'll know tomorrow.

350
00:32:08,302 --> 00:32:10,512
What's the catch?
The catch?

351
00:32:11,013 --> 00:32:13,557
The catch is, you will sever
every human contact.

352
00:32:13,724 --> 00:32:17,353
Nobody will ever know
you exist anywhere.

353
00:32:18,771 --> 00:32:19,855
Ever.

354
00:32:23,150 --> 00:32:26,028
I'll give you to sunrise
to think it over.

355
00:32:29,365 --> 00:32:32,076
Hey. Is it worth it?

356
00:32:32,242 --> 00:32:34,370
Oh, yeah, it's worth it.

357
00:32:36,372 --> 00:32:38,624
If you're strong enough.

358
00:33:38,100 --> 00:33:39,810
What's up, pops?

359
00:33:49,987 --> 00:33:51,613
All right,
I'm in because, look,

360
00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:54,533
there's some next-level shit going
on around here, and I'm with that.

361
00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:58,287
But before y'all get to beaming me up, there's
a couple things I want you to understand.

362
00:33:58,454 --> 00:34:01,957
First off, you chose me,
so you recognize the skills.

363
00:34:02,124 --> 00:34:05,753
And I don't want nobody calling me "son"
or "kid" or "sport" or nothing like that.

364
00:34:05,919 --> 00:34:07,379
Cool?
Cool. Whatever you say, slick.

365
00:34:07,546 --> 00:34:11,091
But I need to tell you something
about all your skills.

366
00:34:12,092 --> 00:34:13,552
As of right now,

367
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:17,347
they mean precisely dick.

368
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:32,863
- Purpose of trip?
- Diplomatic mission.

369
00:34:33,030 --> 00:34:35,616
Duration of stay?
Lunch.

370
00:34:35,783 --> 00:34:37,993
Any fruits or vegetables?

371
00:34:43,624 --> 00:34:47,628
<i>Please meet your
party outside the containment area.</i>

372
00:34:50,172 --> 00:34:52,591
You wanna stay away
from that guy. He's, uh...

373
00:34:53,967 --> 00:34:55,344
He's grouchy.

374
00:34:55,511 --> 00:34:58,472
Three-hour delay in customs
after a trip of 17 trillion miles

375
00:34:58,639 --> 00:35:00,516
is gonna make anybody cranky,
you know what I mean?

376
00:35:00,682 --> 00:35:02,810
Hey, what branch of the
government do we report to?

377
00:35:02,976 --> 00:35:05,521
None. They ask too many questions.
So who pays for all this?

378
00:35:05,687 --> 00:35:07,940
We hold patents on a few
gadgets we confiscated.

379
00:35:08,107 --> 00:35:12,402
Velcro,
microwave ovens, liposuction.

380
00:35:12,569 --> 00:35:16,198
That's a fascinating little gadget.
It's gonna replace CDs soon.

381
00:35:16,365 --> 00:35:18,700
I guess I'll have to buy
<i>The White Album</i> again.

382
00:35:18,867 --> 00:35:20,869
Oh. That is a lot of fun.
It's a universal translator.

383
00:35:21,036 --> 00:35:23,288
We're not even supposed
to have it. I'll tell you why.

384
00:35:23,455 --> 00:35:24,706
Human thought is so primitive,

385
00:35:24,873 --> 00:35:28,710
it's looked upon as an infectious
disease in some of the better galaxies.

386
00:35:28,877 --> 00:35:30,712
That kind of makes you
proud, doesn't it? Huh?

387
00:35:30,879 --> 00:35:32,047
Hey, what's this thing?

388
00:35:35,884 --> 00:35:38,387
Okay, just be calm.
Just be... Relax.

389
00:35:38,554 --> 00:35:40,764
Okay... Ooh, watch your head.

390
00:35:40,931 --> 00:35:42,641
Somebody get him some ice.

391
00:35:43,475 --> 00:35:46,603
Look out. Move... Just move
when it's coming at you.

392
00:35:52,025 --> 00:35:55,904
Oh, damn. I will pay for that.

393
00:35:57,281 --> 00:35:58,365
Oh!

394
00:36:07,249 --> 00:36:11,086
This thing caused
the 1977 New York blackout.

395
00:36:11,253 --> 00:36:15,424
Practical joke by the Great Attractor.
He thought it was funny as hell.

396
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,804
Sorry, y'all.
It was a accident. Sorry.

397
00:36:21,388 --> 00:36:23,515
Observation, the heart
of our little endeavor.

398
00:36:23,682 --> 00:36:25,976
Meet the twins, Blblup and Bob.

399
00:36:26,143 --> 00:36:29,396
This map shows the location of every
registered alien on Earth at any give time,

400
00:36:29,563 --> 00:36:31,690
some of them under
constant surveillance.

401
00:36:32,191 --> 00:36:34,109
Everyone on those
screens is an alien.

402
00:36:34,276 --> 00:36:37,321
In public they're as normal
as you are, but in private, well...

403
00:36:37,946 --> 00:36:38,947
You'll get the idea.

404
00:36:40,157 --> 00:36:41,491
Oh, man.

405
00:36:41,658 --> 00:36:43,619
Doesn't make any sense, does it?

406
00:36:44,953 --> 00:36:47,789
Well, no, it makes
perfect sense.

407
00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:50,375
When I was in third grade,
everybody told me I was crazy,

408
00:36:50,542 --> 00:36:53,462
but I knew our teacher had to be from,
like, Venus or something like that.

409
00:36:53,962 --> 00:36:58,383
Mrs. Edelson. It was Jupiter,
actually. Well, one of the moons.

410
00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:04,181
<i>...revolve. Class, be quiet
and pay attention.</i>

411
00:37:04,348 --> 00:37:08,060
<i>If I have to tell you
one more time...</i>

412
00:37:08,477 --> 00:37:11,521
Edwards. Let's put it on.

413
00:37:12,231 --> 00:37:13,273
Put what on?

414
00:37:14,024 --> 00:37:16,360
The last suit you'll ever wear.

415
00:37:28,914 --> 00:37:31,541
<i>You will dress only in
attire specially sanctioned</i>

416
00:37:31,708 --> 00:37:33,752
<i>by MIB Special Services.</i>

417
00:37:34,253 --> 00:37:37,089
<i>You'll conform
to the identity we give you,</i>

418
00:37:37,256 --> 00:37:40,092
<i>eat where we tell you,
live where we tell you.</i>

419
00:37:40,717 --> 00:37:44,513
<i>From now on, you'll have no
identifying marks of any kind.</i>

420
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:47,557
<i>You will not stand out
in any way.</i>

421
00:37:47,724 --> 00:37:51,520
<i>Your entire image is crafted to leave no
lasting memory with anyone you encounter.</i>

422
00:37:51,687 --> 00:37:52,854
Ow!

423
00:37:53,021 --> 00:37:56,483
<i>You are a rumor,
recognizable only as déjá vu</i>

424
00:37:56,650 --> 00:37:58,694
<i>and dismissed just as quickly.</i>

425
00:37:58,860 --> 00:38:01,238
<i>You don't exist.
You were never even born.</i>

426
00:38:03,949 --> 00:38:08,078
<i>Anonymity is your name,
silence, your native tongue.</i>

427
00:38:08,996 --> 00:38:11,164
<i>You are no longer
part of the system.</i>

428
00:38:11,331 --> 00:38:16,003
<i>You are above the system
over it, beyond it.</i>

429
00:38:16,753 --> 00:38:19,172
<i>We're "them." We're "they."</i>

430
00:38:19,339 --> 00:38:22,801
<i>We are the Men in Black.</i>

431
00:38:29,266 --> 00:38:32,561
You know what the difference
is between you and me?

432
00:38:34,730 --> 00:38:37,107
I make this look good.

433
00:38:38,942 --> 00:38:41,111
We're gonna go
for a little ride.

434
00:38:41,278 --> 00:38:42,904
I'll put you down here
for just a minute.

435
00:38:43,071 --> 00:38:45,073
Then Daddy will be right back.

436
00:39:16,271 --> 00:39:19,399
Okay, now we're ready
to go for a little ride.

437
00:39:19,566 --> 00:39:23,153
We're gonna meet one of Daddy's
friends, and you're gonna like him.

438
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:28,575
Okay, let's see.

439
00:39:28,742 --> 00:39:32,287
Bee, we've got the deposed
Sir Prefect of Singalee

440
00:39:32,454 --> 00:39:35,374
touching down on the forest
outside Portland tonight.

441
00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:38,293
<i>- Humanoid?</i>
- You wish. Bring a sponge.

442
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,047
Here. Red letter
from last night.

443
00:39:42,214 --> 00:39:45,217
We had an unauthorized landing
somewhere in upstate New York.

444
00:39:45,801 --> 00:39:47,511
Kay, keep your ears open
on this one.

445
00:39:47,677 --> 00:39:51,098
We're not hosting an
intergalactic kegger down here.

446
00:39:53,141 --> 00:39:54,935
Well, well, well,
we got a skimmer.

447
00:39:55,102 --> 00:39:58,021
Landed alien out of zone. Who is it?
Redgick.

448
00:39:58,188 --> 00:40:01,316
He's not cleared to leave Manhattan,
but he's way out of town right now,

449
00:40:01,483 --> 00:40:03,568
stuck on the
New Jersey Turnpike.

450
00:40:03,735 --> 00:40:05,570
Why don't you take
junior here with you?

451
00:40:05,737 --> 00:40:08,990
This is a good one
for him to warm up on.

452
00:40:09,157 --> 00:40:10,951
Go get him, tiger.

453
00:40:16,498 --> 00:40:19,918
"We're not hosting
an intergalactic kegger."

454
00:40:21,169 --> 00:40:24,923
Zed. He just...

455
00:40:26,007 --> 00:40:28,260
Unlimited technology
from the whole universe

456
00:40:28,427 --> 00:40:32,347
and we cruise around
in a Ford POS.

457
00:40:34,266 --> 00:40:35,976
Fasten your seat belt.

458
00:40:36,143 --> 00:40:38,270
See, now, we got to work
on your people skills.

459
00:40:38,437 --> 00:40:41,356
You know, you'd get a much better reaction
if you were a little more polite.

460
00:40:41,523 --> 00:40:42,983
Fasten your seat belt, please.

461
00:40:43,150 --> 00:40:46,194
Whoa, that was good.
Did you hurt yourself? Oh!

462
00:40:48,447 --> 00:40:52,492
Oh, the red button there, kid.
Don't ever, ever touch the red button.

463
00:41:02,335 --> 00:41:05,464
All right, bub,
that'll be $72, then.

464
00:41:05,630 --> 00:41:09,217
Okay, sweetie, let me
pay the impolite driver.

465
00:42:11,988 --> 00:42:13,907
Six is up.

466
00:42:14,783 --> 00:42:15,825
Where is Ivan?

467
00:42:15,992 --> 00:42:17,994
Gave him a break.

468
00:42:40,809 --> 00:42:43,853
You can kill us both,
but you will not find the Galaxy.

469
00:42:44,813 --> 00:42:47,566
You're right about one thing.

470
00:43:01,288 --> 00:43:03,456
You're not going anywhere, pal.

471
00:43:06,543 --> 00:43:08,086
What's going on?

472
00:43:10,380 --> 00:43:12,841
Hey, hey, hey, easy.

473
00:43:19,973 --> 00:43:22,183
I'd like to see your license
and registration, please.

474
00:43:25,770 --> 00:43:29,482
Like to see your other license
and registration, please.

475
00:43:35,780 --> 00:43:38,908
All right, your resident-alien card has you
restricted to the island of Manhattan.

476
00:43:39,075 --> 00:43:42,245
Where are you going, Redgie?
Well, it's my wife. She's...

477
00:43:42,412 --> 00:43:44,164
Well, look.

478
00:43:46,416 --> 00:43:49,169
Oh. All right.
Okay, no big deal.

479
00:43:49,336 --> 00:43:52,047
Okay, you come with me, Redge.

480
00:43:53,757 --> 00:43:56,926
And you handle this.
What? Me?

481
00:43:57,510 --> 00:43:58,887
Yeah, it's easy.
You just catch.

482
00:43:59,054 --> 00:44:00,305
Are you sure he knows
what he's doing?

483
00:44:00,472 --> 00:44:02,682
He does it all the time.
Let the man work.

484
00:44:04,309 --> 00:44:06,144
Okay. Yeah.

485
00:44:09,397 --> 00:44:14,277
Ooh! Kay. Oh... Damn, man. Kay?
Something's peeking.

486
00:44:14,444 --> 00:44:16,404
Croagg the midwife
is at 54th and Madison.

487
00:44:16,571 --> 00:44:18,531
You're headed out of town,
Redgie. What's going on?

488
00:44:18,698 --> 00:44:21,201
Well, we're meeting someone.
Who you meeting?

489
00:44:21,368 --> 00:44:22,619
Well, it's a ship.
A ship?

490
00:44:22,786 --> 00:44:24,412
I didn't see a departure
clearance for today.

491
00:44:24,579 --> 00:44:25,622
You didn't?
No.

492
00:44:25,789 --> 00:44:28,416
- Well, it's... Well, it's an emergency.
- Kay! Kay!

493
00:44:28,583 --> 00:44:31,086
You're doing fine, ace.
What kind of emergency?

494
00:44:31,252 --> 00:44:34,297
What's the rush to get off
the planet all of a sudden?

495
00:44:34,464 --> 00:44:36,466
We just don't like the
neighborhood any more.

496
00:44:36,633 --> 00:44:39,594
Some of the new arrivals.
What new arrivals?

497
00:44:39,761 --> 00:44:42,555
Does it have anything to do with
the crasher from last night?

498
00:44:42,722 --> 00:44:43,973
Excuse me, miss.

499
00:44:47,727 --> 00:44:51,439
Oh, man. Oh, man.

500
00:44:53,441 --> 00:44:56,444
Kay, look. Oh, man.

501
00:44:57,946 --> 00:45:00,615
Congratulations, Redge, it's a...

502
00:45:00,949 --> 00:45:01,991
squid.

503
00:45:02,158 --> 00:45:04,035
Kay, man.

504
00:45:05,787 --> 00:45:09,541
You know, it's actually kind of...

505
00:45:16,047 --> 00:45:17,507
...cute.

506
00:45:24,973 --> 00:45:27,142
Anything about that
seem unusual to you?

507
00:45:29,728 --> 00:45:31,354
What would scare
Redgick so badly

508
00:45:31,521 --> 00:45:34,357
that he'd risk a warp jump
with a newborn?

509
00:45:34,524 --> 00:45:36,735
We'll check the hot sheets.

510
00:45:41,990 --> 00:45:43,283
These are the hot sheets?

511
00:45:43,450 --> 00:45:45,493
Best investigative reporting
on the planet.

512
00:45:45,660 --> 00:45:47,495
Go ahead, read The New
York <i>Times</i> if you want to.

513
00:45:47,662 --> 00:45:49,038
They get lucky sometimes.
Thanks, Manny.

514
00:45:49,205 --> 00:45:53,460
Cannot believe you're looking for
tips in the supermarket tabloids.

515
00:45:54,461 --> 00:45:56,379
Not "looking for."

516
00:45:57,922 --> 00:45:59,424
Found.

517
00:46:12,270 --> 00:46:14,647
Wait a minute, slow down.
Why?

518
00:46:14,814 --> 00:46:16,232
Give her time to get
the wrong impression.

519
00:46:16,399 --> 00:46:18,276
Makes things go a lot smoother.

520
00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:20,695
Can I help you gentlemen?

521
00:46:20,862 --> 00:46:22,614
Yes, ma'am, I'm Special
Agent Manheim.

522
00:46:22,781 --> 00:46:26,201
This is Special Agent Black of the FBI. We'd
like to talk to you about your visitor.

523
00:46:26,367 --> 00:46:27,952
You here to make fun of me too?

524
00:46:28,119 --> 00:46:30,789
No, ma'am. We at the FBI do not have
a sense of humor we're aware of.

525
00:46:30,955 --> 00:46:32,081
May we come in?

526
00:46:33,833 --> 00:46:35,752
Sure.
Thank you.

527
00:46:35,919 --> 00:46:38,505
Lemonade?
Oh, yes, please.

528
00:46:42,801 --> 00:46:47,639
The chief of police himself came up to the house
and did a full-out professional investigation.

529
00:46:47,806 --> 00:46:50,350
Took a police report
and writ down everything I said,

530
00:46:50,517 --> 00:46:53,102
from A to Z,
not believing one thing I said.

531
00:46:53,269 --> 00:46:55,855
Sort of poking fun at me.
And they asked me,

532
00:46:56,022 --> 00:46:59,943
"if he was murdered, how was he
able to walk back in the house?"

533
00:47:00,109 --> 00:47:03,321
I gotta admit to you,
that one got me sort of stumped.

534
00:47:03,488 --> 00:47:07,158
But I'll tell you something right now.
I know Edgar, and that wasn't Edgar.

535
00:47:07,575 --> 00:47:12,372
It was like something
was wearing Edgar like a...

536
00:47:12,539 --> 00:47:14,290
Like a suit...

537
00:47:14,457 --> 00:47:17,210
an Edgar suit.

538
00:47:23,424 --> 00:47:26,719
Dude was that ugly
before he was a alien.

539
00:47:29,639 --> 00:47:32,809
I'm sorry.
Go on.

540
00:47:33,351 --> 00:47:37,313
Anyway, I come to
and he's gone.

541
00:47:37,772 --> 00:47:42,360
Did he say anything?
Yes. He asked me for some water.

542
00:47:42,527 --> 00:47:45,864
Some, uh, sugar water.
Sugar water?

543
00:47:46,030 --> 00:47:49,117
Yeah, I remember that right,
because I thought that that was odd

544
00:47:49,284 --> 00:47:53,830
that he asked me for sugar water
and not lemonade or ice water

545
00:47:53,997 --> 00:47:57,041
or regular water or tap water.

546
00:47:57,876 --> 00:48:00,420
All right, Beatrice.
There was no alien.

547
00:48:00,587 --> 00:48:02,964
The flash of light you saw
in the sky was not a UFO.

548
00:48:03,131 --> 00:48:05,967
Swamp gas from a weather balloon
was trapped in a thermal pocket

549
00:48:06,134 --> 00:48:07,886
and refracted the light
from Venus.

550
00:48:08,052 --> 00:48:09,262
Wait... Wait a minute.

551
00:48:09,429 --> 00:48:12,849
You just flash that thing, it erases her
memory, and you just make up a new one?

552
00:48:13,016 --> 00:48:14,642
A standard-issue
neuralyzer.

553
00:48:14,809 --> 00:48:17,687
And that weak-ass story
is the best you can come up with?

554
00:48:17,854 --> 00:48:18,897
All right.

555
00:48:19,063 --> 00:48:22,400
On a more personal note, Beatrice,
Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend.

556
00:48:22,567 --> 00:48:24,319
You're gonna go stay with
your mom a couple of nights,

557
00:48:24,485 --> 00:48:26,487
you're gonna get over it,
and decide you're better off.

558
00:48:26,654 --> 00:48:30,742
Well, yeah, you know, because
he never appreciated you anyway.

559
00:48:30,909 --> 00:48:34,746
In fact, you know what?
You kicked him out.

560
00:48:34,913 --> 00:48:37,498
And now that he's gone, you're gonna go
into town, you go to Bloomingdale's,

561
00:48:37,665 --> 00:48:40,460
find yourself some nice dresses,
get yourself some shoes.

562
00:48:40,627 --> 00:48:43,504
You know, find somewhere
that maybe you could get a facial.

563
00:48:43,671 --> 00:48:48,343
And, oh, hire a decorator to come
in here quick because, damn.

564
00:48:55,016 --> 00:48:56,309
Yo, Kay, look,
check it out, man.

565
00:48:56,476 --> 00:48:59,896
When do I get my own flashy little
memory-messer-upper thingy?

566
00:49:00,063 --> 00:49:03,358
When you grow up.
Mm. Okay.

567
00:49:05,193 --> 00:49:06,194
Please, not green.

568
00:49:07,695 --> 00:49:08,696
Oh, damn.

569
00:49:10,198 --> 00:49:12,408
I don't suppose you know
what kind of alien life form

570
00:49:12,575 --> 00:49:14,869
leaves a green spectral trail
and craves sugar water, do you?

571
00:49:15,828 --> 00:49:18,456
Oh, wait, that was on
Final Jeopardy! Last night.

572
00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:22,043
Damn, Alex said it was...
Zed, we have a bug.

573
00:49:22,543 --> 00:49:25,380
So, what?
We don't like bugs?

574
00:49:25,546 --> 00:49:28,007
Bugs thrive on carnage, tiger.

575
00:49:28,174 --> 00:49:32,470
They consume, infest, destroy, live off the
death and destruction of other species.

576
00:49:32,637 --> 00:49:34,722
You were stung as a child,
weren't you?

577
00:49:34,889 --> 00:49:39,060
No, listen, kid, imagine a giant
cockroach with unlimited strength,

578
00:49:39,227 --> 00:49:42,814
a massive inferiority complex,
and a real short temper

579
00:49:42,981 --> 00:49:46,401
is tear-assing around Manhattan
Island in a brand-new Edgar suit.

580
00:49:47,485 --> 00:49:48,653
Does that sound like fun?

581
00:49:51,072 --> 00:49:52,156
What's the move?

582
00:49:53,282 --> 00:49:55,660
With the bug in town,
we'll watch the morgues.

583
00:50:08,089 --> 00:50:10,008
Where do you want
Contestant Number 3?

584
00:50:10,174 --> 00:50:11,759
Just leave it there.

585
00:50:11,926 --> 00:50:13,761
What's with the cat?
Oh, the cat.

586
00:50:13,928 --> 00:50:16,222
Yeah, well, there's a problem
with the cat. Sign here.

587
00:50:16,389 --> 00:50:20,393
What's the problem with the cat?
It's your problem. Heh-heh.

588
00:50:22,603 --> 00:50:24,605
I hate the living.

589
00:50:26,232 --> 00:50:27,900
Shall we?

590
00:50:57,305 --> 00:50:59,682
Oh, my God.

591
00:51:03,144 --> 00:51:05,480
Whoa, buddy, what are you?

592
00:51:13,571 --> 00:51:16,657
Subject was approximately
112 degrees at time of autopsy,

593
00:51:16,824 --> 00:51:19,035
indicating an increase
in body temperature.

594
00:51:19,202 --> 00:51:21,079
Examiner tried to
verify this rectally

595
00:51:21,245 --> 00:51:23,581
only to find the subject
was without a rectum,

596
00:51:23,748 --> 00:51:25,500
which is, needless to say,
really...

597
00:51:25,666 --> 00:51:27,126
Weird.

598
00:51:27,293 --> 00:51:29,545
I'm Dr. Leo Manville,
Department of Public Health.

599
00:51:29,712 --> 00:51:31,547
This is Dr. White.

600
00:51:32,340 --> 00:51:34,592
You boys must not
have much of a home life.

601
00:51:34,759 --> 00:51:36,010
We watch the morgues
very carefully, ma'am.

602
00:51:36,177 --> 00:51:38,304
Tell me, do you have something
unusual around here?

603
00:51:38,471 --> 00:51:40,681
I'd say so. Triple homicide.
Mm-hm.

604
00:51:40,848 --> 00:51:44,060
The first body I opened up was pretty
normal, except he was broken in half.

605
00:51:44,227 --> 00:51:46,813
But when I opened up
the other two, well...

606
00:51:46,979 --> 00:51:48,022
Let me show you.

607
00:51:54,862 --> 00:51:57,990
There's a skeletal structure at work here
unlike anything I've ever seen before.

608
00:51:58,157 --> 00:51:59,742
All right,
I'll have a look at this one.

609
00:51:59,909 --> 00:52:02,328
Dr. White, why don't you and Dr. Weaver
check out the other body, please?

610
00:52:02,495 --> 00:52:06,582
This way, doctor.
This one's even stranger.

611
00:52:07,208 --> 00:52:08,292
I did a full laparotomy.

612
00:52:08,459 --> 00:52:10,711
I started with the lesser curvature
of the stomach, but we could start

613
00:52:10,878 --> 00:52:14,006
with the gastroesophageal junction,
whichever you prefer.

614
00:52:15,091 --> 00:52:18,010
Let's start wherever
you started at.

615
00:52:18,177 --> 00:52:19,887
Okey-dokey.

616
00:52:21,347 --> 00:52:22,765
Oh.

617
00:52:28,146 --> 00:52:29,772
- Is this your cat?
- Guess it is now.

618
00:52:29,939 --> 00:52:32,400
It came in with the body.
Okay, dive right in.

619
00:52:32,567 --> 00:52:33,734
I'm sure he won't mind.

620
00:52:37,155 --> 00:52:40,116
Hm. You have really
pretty eyes.

621
00:52:40,741 --> 00:52:41,784
Thank you.

622
00:52:45,580 --> 00:52:48,249
Okay, you feel that? Where the
pyloric junction would be?

623
00:52:48,416 --> 00:52:50,084
Push it aside.

624
00:52:50,251 --> 00:52:53,462
Notice anything strange?
Stomach, liver, lungs...

625
00:52:53,629 --> 00:52:57,258
Nope, all fine.
Doctor, they're all missing.

626
00:52:58,092 --> 00:52:59,260
Of course.

627
00:52:59,427 --> 00:53:02,180
Oh, you know, that's obviously
the first thing I noticed.

628
00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:04,140
Well, what I was pointing out

629
00:53:04,307 --> 00:53:10,104
is the fact that there are
no pieces of them left.

630
00:53:10,271 --> 00:53:13,733
Yeah, you know,
so they're intact,

631
00:53:13,900 --> 00:53:15,776
wherever they are,
whole somewhere.

632
00:53:15,943 --> 00:53:18,446
That we can be sure of.
Have we met before?

633
00:53:19,363 --> 00:53:21,449
I'm having the strangest
feeling of déjá vu.

634
00:53:22,950 --> 00:53:25,328
Yeah, me too.
Really?

635
00:53:25,912 --> 00:53:28,456
Okay, do you wanna know what I really think?
But don't tell that guy.

636
00:53:28,623 --> 00:53:30,166
He looks like he's
under enough stress.

637
00:53:30,333 --> 00:53:32,210
See, I don't think
this body's really a body.

638
00:53:32,376 --> 00:53:35,671
I think it's some kind of transport
unit for something else altogether.

639
00:53:35,838 --> 00:53:38,466
The question is, what?
Mm-hm.

640
00:53:38,633 --> 00:53:40,551
Is this freaking you out?

641
00:53:41,469 --> 00:53:44,388
No. Pssh! No, girl.

642
00:53:45,973 --> 00:53:49,143
You know what I like to do
sometimes when it's really late?

643
00:53:51,354 --> 00:53:52,396
No.

644
00:53:53,272 --> 00:53:54,982
Dr. White.

645
00:53:55,524 --> 00:53:57,818
Um, excuse me.

646
00:54:02,323 --> 00:54:04,784
What do you think?
Very interesting.

647
00:54:04,951 --> 00:54:07,411
She got a real queen-of-the-undead
thing going on...

648
00:54:07,578 --> 00:54:09,830
Of the body.
Great body.

649
00:54:09,997 --> 00:54:12,375
The dead body.

650
00:54:12,541 --> 00:54:14,168
Man, you gonna have to
go look at that thing.

651
00:54:14,335 --> 00:54:16,337
Dr. White?
You recognize him?

652
00:54:17,004 --> 00:54:19,131
Yeah, he looks like the big guy
I saw down at headquarters,

653
00:54:19,298 --> 00:54:20,508
- only a little deader.
- Dr. White.

654
00:54:20,675 --> 00:54:22,468
What do you think killed him?

655
00:54:23,386 --> 00:54:25,096
A bug?
Dr. White.

656
00:54:25,263 --> 00:54:27,515
You're up, slugger.
Oh.

657
00:54:30,601 --> 00:54:32,019
Look at this.

658
00:54:33,521 --> 00:54:35,022
What the hell is that?

659
00:54:53,624 --> 00:54:55,710
Must...

660
00:54:56,460 --> 00:54:58,796
To prevent...

661
00:55:01,090 --> 00:55:03,884
contest.

662
00:55:04,051 --> 00:55:05,594
Okay, what are you trying to say?

663
00:55:05,761 --> 00:55:07,096
To prevent...

664
00:55:07,263 --> 00:55:10,224
To prevent struggle?

665
00:55:11,100 --> 00:55:13,728
No. To prevent...

666
00:55:14,103 --> 00:55:15,146
War?

667
00:55:15,313 --> 00:55:16,731
...war...

668
00:55:19,275 --> 00:55:21,944
the Galaxy...

669
00:55:22,111 --> 00:55:26,907
is on Orion's...

670
00:55:28,743 --> 00:55:31,912
be... Be...

671
00:55:32,621 --> 00:55:36,167
- What is word?
- Bed?

672
00:55:36,334 --> 00:55:40,171
Belt? Orion's belt?

673
00:55:58,773 --> 00:56:02,234
"To prevent war,
the Galaxy is on Orion's belt."

674
00:56:02,401 --> 00:56:04,570
What the hell does that mean?

675
00:56:07,823 --> 00:56:10,826
Doctor, uh...
Whatever, come here.

676
00:56:10,993 --> 00:56:12,036
Dr. Whatever?

677
00:56:12,203 --> 00:56:15,289
Hey, you guys aren't really from
the Department of Health, are you?

678
00:56:15,456 --> 00:56:17,291
Rosenberg. Aw, damn.

679
00:56:17,458 --> 00:56:19,293
The Arquillians are
not gonna like this.

680
00:56:19,460 --> 00:56:21,837
This guy was one
of the royal family.

681
00:56:22,004 --> 00:56:23,297
I knew it. This is an alien.

682
00:56:23,464 --> 00:56:26,842
And you guys are from some government
agency trying to keep it under wraps.

683
00:56:27,009 --> 00:56:30,304
Look, he said, "To prevent war,
the Galaxy is on Orion's belt."

684
00:56:30,471 --> 00:56:32,807
This makes total sense. How
else do you explain New York?

685
00:56:32,973 --> 00:56:36,143
The other day, I was in
this cab, and this guy was...

686
00:56:37,186 --> 00:56:39,397
"Galaxy on Orion's belt"
doesn't make any sense.

687
00:56:39,563 --> 00:56:42,650
Look, that's what the little dude
inside the big dude's head said, right?

688
00:56:42,817 --> 00:56:46,779
Right after... Damn, man.
You did the flashy thing already.

689
00:56:46,946 --> 00:56:49,990
Hey, whoever you guys are, you're gonna have to
show me ID if you're gonna be in the morgue.

690
00:56:50,157 --> 00:56:53,160
Oh, yes, of course, young lady.
Have a look at this for me, please.

691
00:56:53,327 --> 00:56:54,995
Would you stop that?
What?

692
00:56:55,162 --> 00:56:57,331
That thing is gonna give her
brain cancer or something.

693
00:56:57,498 --> 00:57:00,334
Never hurt her before. Look, we
gotta get all the doors closed off.

694
00:57:00,501 --> 00:57:02,336
Special Services
will be here any minute.

695
00:57:02,503 --> 00:57:05,005
"Never hurt her before"? How many times
have you flashy-thinged that woman?

696
00:57:05,172 --> 00:57:06,173
A couple.

697
00:57:06,340 --> 00:57:08,342
So, what, you not worried
about long-term damage?

698
00:57:08,509 --> 00:57:09,677
A little.

699
00:57:09,844 --> 00:57:11,679
Kay, have you flashy-thinged me?
No.

700
00:57:11,846 --> 00:57:13,806
I ain't playing with you, Kay.
Have you ever flashy-thinged me?

701
00:57:13,973 --> 00:57:15,141
No.

702
00:57:24,066 --> 00:57:27,194
Look, Kay, I think I should be in charge
of the flashy-memory-thing department.

703
00:57:27,361 --> 00:57:28,654
Not while I'm around, ace.

704
00:57:28,821 --> 00:57:31,365
You ain't gonna be happy till you
fricassee somebody's brain out, man.

705
00:57:31,532 --> 00:57:32,867
All right, we got
two dead aliens.

706
00:57:33,033 --> 00:57:35,077
And a deputy medical examiner
needs a new memory.

707
00:57:35,244 --> 00:57:36,704
Yes, sir.

708
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:41,208
Make it a happy memory.

709
00:58:01,729 --> 00:58:04,940
Oh... Oh...

710
00:58:13,491 --> 00:58:15,951
Where is it?

711
00:58:30,424 --> 00:58:33,552
<i>Will the owner
of a blue warp-speed cruiser</i>

712
00:58:33,719 --> 00:58:36,805
<i>please report to the front desk?</i>

713
00:58:59,495 --> 00:59:01,372
Hey, Zed.

714
00:59:01,539 --> 00:59:04,375
Doesn't anybody ever get
any sleep around here?

715
00:59:04,542 --> 00:59:08,337
The twins keep us on Centaurian time.
It's a 37-hour day.

716
00:59:08,504 --> 00:59:10,506
Give it a few months.
You'll get used to it.

717
00:59:10,673 --> 00:59:14,468
Or you'll have a psychotic
episode. Here's Orion.

718
00:59:14,635 --> 00:59:17,638
It's a grouping of the brightest
stars in the northern sky.

719
00:59:17,805 --> 00:59:20,474
And here's Orion's belt.
Right. That's what the little guy said:

720
00:59:20,641 --> 00:59:24,144
"To prevent war, the Galaxy
is on Orion's belt."

721
00:59:24,311 --> 00:59:26,689
Junior, there are no
galaxies on Orion's belt.

722
00:59:26,855 --> 00:59:30,568
The belt is just these three stars.
Galaxies are huge.

723
00:59:30,985 --> 00:59:35,322
They're made up of billions
of stars. You heard wrong.

724
00:59:35,864 --> 00:59:38,576
Look, whatever, man.
I know what I heard.

725
01:00:15,362 --> 01:00:16,697
Pretty lady.

726
01:00:20,701 --> 01:00:23,037
Uh-huh. Okay.

727
01:00:23,203 --> 01:00:28,208
The grumpy guy's story is starting to
come into focus a little bit here.

728
01:00:28,375 --> 01:00:31,003
So you were the guy in that picture
you showed me with the flowers.

729
01:00:31,170 --> 01:00:32,379
Yeah.

730
01:00:32,546 --> 01:00:36,508
And I take it she never
got those flowers.

731
01:00:36,675 --> 01:00:38,677
So, what, she ever get
married or anything?

732
01:00:38,844 --> 01:00:40,262
No.

733
01:00:40,721 --> 01:00:42,014
Ah, well, you know
what they say:

734
01:00:42,181 --> 01:00:46,060
It's better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all.

735
01:00:46,226 --> 01:00:48,020
Try it.

736
01:00:48,187 --> 01:00:49,688
Kay.

737
01:00:52,983 --> 01:00:55,819
Take a look at this.
My God, they're all leaving.

738
01:00:55,986 --> 01:00:57,988
We've had 12 jump
in the last hour.

739
01:00:58,155 --> 01:01:00,115
Redgick was just the first.

740
01:01:00,866 --> 01:01:02,743
What the hell do they
know that we don't?

741
01:01:02,910 --> 01:01:04,495
Why does a rat desert a ship?

742
01:01:04,662 --> 01:01:08,749
Give me Lem Sat 4, please, with
a proton induction thermoscan.

743
01:01:10,376 --> 01:01:13,170
Thank you.
Okay, Lem Sat 18.

744
01:01:14,755 --> 01:01:15,964
All right, 4000.

745
01:01:20,344 --> 01:01:22,054
That's an Arquillian
battle cruiser.

746
01:01:22,221 --> 01:01:24,139
And we've got
a dead Arquillian prince.

747
01:01:26,725 --> 01:01:28,811
And speak of the devil.

748
01:01:28,977 --> 01:01:31,647
They sound pissed.
Boys, translate that. Step on it.

749
01:01:31,855 --> 01:01:36,276
Why don't you get down to Rosenberg's
jewelry store and see what you can turn up?

750
01:01:38,445 --> 01:01:39,988
Kay.

751
01:01:41,699 --> 01:01:43,784
Give the kid a weapon.

752
01:01:52,626 --> 01:01:55,921
Series 4 De-atomizer.
Now, that's what I'm talking about.

753
01:01:56,088 --> 01:01:58,006
Noisy Cricket.

754
01:01:59,842 --> 01:02:01,969
Hey, Kay, no, no.
Come on, man.

755
01:02:02,136 --> 01:02:05,639
You get a Series 4 De-atomizer,
I get a little midget Cricket?

756
01:02:05,806 --> 01:02:07,474
Whoa, kid!

757
01:02:10,686 --> 01:02:12,646
Feel like I'm gonna
break this damn thing.

758
01:02:57,107 --> 01:02:59,443
Hey, this is my truck.

759
01:02:59,610 --> 01:03:03,906
Yeah, and make sure you tell
them that down at the impound.

760
01:03:11,038 --> 01:03:13,415
Please.

761
01:03:22,299 --> 01:03:24,968
Who breaks into a jewelry store
and leaves all the jewels?

762
01:03:25,135 --> 01:03:27,471
Somebody not
looking for jewelry.

763
01:03:29,473 --> 01:03:31,892
This guy had
a serious crush on his cat.

764
01:03:33,727 --> 01:03:36,605
Kay, get down.

765
01:03:40,734 --> 01:03:41,777
Man.

766
01:03:43,612 --> 01:03:47,157
That's him. That's the bug
in the Edgar suit.

767
01:04:08,929 --> 01:04:11,598
We do not discharge our
weapons in view of the public.

768
01:04:11,765 --> 01:04:13,934
Man, we ain't got time
for this cover-up bullshit.

769
01:04:14,101 --> 01:04:16,562
I don't know if you've forgotten, but
there's a alien battle cruiser about to...

770
01:04:16,728 --> 01:04:19,606
There's always an alien battle
cruiser or a death ray

771
01:04:19,773 --> 01:04:22,901
or an intergalactic plague that's about to
wipe out life on this miserable little planet.

772
01:04:23,068 --> 01:04:25,821
The only way these people
get on with their happy lives

773
01:04:25,988 --> 01:04:29,324
is they do not know about it.

774
01:04:33,495 --> 01:04:35,581
And don't worry about the bug.

775
01:04:35,747 --> 01:04:38,667
He's not leaving town.
We got his ship.

776
01:04:43,422 --> 01:04:45,757
Excuse me. Excuse me,
ladies and gentlemen.

777
01:04:45,924 --> 01:04:47,968
Zed, we need a containment crew
on Macdougal Street

778
01:04:48,135 --> 01:04:50,470
<i>south of Houston.</i>

779
01:04:50,637 --> 01:04:52,723
Containment may be
a moot point, old friend.

780
01:04:52,890 --> 01:04:54,182
The exodus continues.

781
01:04:54,349 --> 01:04:58,478
It's like the party's over and the last
one to leave gets stuck with the check.

782
01:04:58,645 --> 01:05:01,773
You sorry little ingrates.

783
01:05:08,989 --> 01:05:10,991
<i>What about the Arquillians?</i>

784
01:05:11,158 --> 01:05:13,452
We've only translated
part of the message so far:

785
01:05:13,619 --> 01:05:14,661
"Deliver the Galaxy."

786
01:05:14,828 --> 01:05:16,038
<i>They don't want much, do they?</i>

787
01:05:16,204 --> 01:05:18,040
Oh, it gets better.

788
01:05:18,206 --> 01:05:19,666
They're holding us responsible.

789
01:05:28,675 --> 01:05:33,055
Where do you keep your dead?
I don't have any dead.

790
01:05:33,221 --> 01:05:36,350
Where?
I don't know.

791
01:05:36,516 --> 01:05:38,894
The city morgue?

792
01:05:48,403 --> 01:05:51,198
That's three for a dollar, sir.

793
01:05:51,365 --> 01:05:54,284
It was some light, some light
that refracted off of Venus

794
01:05:54,451 --> 01:05:57,913
into some swamp gas,
and that's what made the...

795
01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:01,583
All right, kid.
Excuse me. What's up?

796
01:06:01,750 --> 01:06:04,628
The Arquillians want the Galaxy,
whatever the hell that means.

797
01:06:04,795 --> 01:06:06,296
We need help, a professional,

798
01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:10,008
somebody with years of experience
in intergalactic politics.

799
01:06:10,175 --> 01:06:12,135
I just hope the little prick
hasn't skipped town.

800
01:06:12,302 --> 01:06:15,222
Can I have
your attention, please? Thank you.

801
01:06:15,389 --> 01:06:17,224
If you will gather over here...

802
01:06:17,391 --> 01:06:20,894
That's right, move in closer.
That's good. Thanks.

803
01:06:21,061 --> 01:06:23,397
If you'll look right here,
I'd appreciate it.

804
01:06:23,563 --> 01:06:24,564
Thank you.

805
01:06:37,577 --> 01:06:40,706
Now, that's the worst disguise ever.
That guy's definitely an alien.

806
01:06:40,872 --> 01:06:43,417
You don't like it,
you can kiss my furry little butt.

807
01:06:44,459 --> 01:06:46,545
You busy, Frank?
Sorry, Kay, can't talk right now.

808
01:06:46,712 --> 01:06:47,796
My flight's leaving in... Whoa!

809
01:06:47,963 --> 01:06:50,757
Get your paws off me.
Call the pound. We got a stray.

810
01:06:50,924 --> 01:06:52,300
The dog owes my friend money.

811
01:06:52,467 --> 01:06:54,261
Arquillians and bugs,
Frank, what do you know?

812
01:06:54,428 --> 01:06:57,097
I know nothing.
Not a thing, huh? Okay.

813
01:06:58,932 --> 01:07:01,393
Stop, stop, stop it.
Okay, okay.

814
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:03,770
Rosenberg wasn't
some two-bit Arquillian.

815
01:07:03,937 --> 01:07:05,772
He was the guardian
of a whole Galaxy.

816
01:07:05,939 --> 01:07:07,232
They thought he'd be
safe here on Earth.

817
01:07:07,399 --> 01:07:08,692
And the bug had other plans.

818
01:07:08,859 --> 01:07:11,945
The Galaxy is the best source
for subatomic energy in the universe.

819
01:07:12,112 --> 01:07:15,615
If the bugs get their slimy claws
on it, kiss the Arquillians goodbye.

820
01:07:15,782 --> 01:07:16,825
Ask him about the belt.

821
01:07:16,992 --> 01:07:19,786
Rosenberg said something about a galaxy on Orion's belt.
What's he talking about, Frank?

822
01:07:19,953 --> 01:07:21,621
Beats me.
Beats you.

823
01:07:21,788 --> 01:07:23,790
No, no, no, not around.

824
01:07:26,918 --> 01:07:28,754
They're rehearsing
a ventriloquist act.

825
01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:31,298
The Galaxy is here.

826
01:07:31,465 --> 01:07:32,507
What do you mean, here?

827
01:07:32,674 --> 01:07:34,634
Galaxy's hundreds of millions
of stars and planets.

828
01:07:34,801 --> 01:07:36,053
How's it here?
You humans.

829
01:07:36,219 --> 01:07:38,472
When are you gonna learn
that size doesn't matter?

830
01:07:38,638 --> 01:07:41,975
Just because something's important,
doesn't mean it's not very, very small.

831
01:07:42,142 --> 01:07:45,187
How small?
Tiny. The size of a marble or a jewel.

832
01:07:45,729 --> 01:07:48,815
Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta
be walked before my flight.

833
01:07:48,982 --> 01:07:50,901
All right, get out of here.

834
01:07:52,069 --> 01:07:55,822
If the Galaxy's here,
it's not on Orion's belt.

835
01:08:07,876 --> 01:08:09,419
Kay.

836
01:08:15,759 --> 01:08:18,178
Boy, when you want attention...

837
01:08:19,387 --> 01:08:22,474
Orion. That's a pretty name.

838
01:08:22,641 --> 01:08:24,518
What's this?

839
01:08:35,028 --> 01:08:36,613
Wow.

840
01:09:16,778 --> 01:09:20,740
Okay. Yes, good, thank you.

841
01:09:20,907 --> 01:09:24,578
Thank you for making sure
the bell works.

842
01:09:26,746 --> 01:09:28,373
What's up, Farmer John?

843
01:09:30,083 --> 01:09:34,004
A man came in here earlier.
A dead man.

844
01:09:34,171 --> 01:09:36,173
And that means what to me?

845
01:09:38,300 --> 01:09:41,678
It was a very dear
friend of mine.

846
01:09:41,845 --> 01:09:44,055
I believe he had
an animal with him.

847
01:09:44,222 --> 01:09:46,600
It was a gift I gave him,
a pet cat.

848
01:09:46,766 --> 01:09:50,687
It means worlds to me.
I'd like to have it back.

849
01:09:50,854 --> 01:09:54,357
Okay, I'm gonna need a picture ID,
written proof of ownership of the cat,

850
01:09:54,524 --> 01:09:58,945
notarized proof of kinship
with the deceased.

851
01:09:59,112 --> 01:10:00,447
Don't do that.

852
01:10:02,240 --> 01:10:03,283
Do what?

853
01:10:04,451 --> 01:10:05,952
Don't do it.

854
01:10:08,580 --> 01:10:10,207
Oh, man.

855
01:10:25,513 --> 01:10:27,307
Look, Kay, why don't you
let me handle this one?

856
01:10:27,474 --> 01:10:29,684
What?
All we gotta do is go in and get a cat.

857
01:10:29,851 --> 01:10:32,270
It's not really that hard,
but if you go in there,

858
01:10:32,437 --> 01:10:35,315
you're gonna lay your Jack Webb on her, start
flashing your brain ray all in her face.

859
01:10:35,482 --> 01:10:37,984
She gonna wind up with leukemia or some shit.
The woman's a doctor.

860
01:10:38,151 --> 01:10:40,820
She don't need you flashing away
half her med-school classes.

861
01:10:40,987 --> 01:10:42,572
Five minutes.
Two minutes.

862
01:10:45,367 --> 01:10:48,203
Where's the animal?
I told you, I don't know.

863
01:10:48,370 --> 01:10:50,664
Well, let's see
if we can find it.

864
01:10:56,044 --> 01:10:57,170
Hello?

865
01:10:59,256 --> 01:11:00,590
Hello?

866
01:11:06,513 --> 01:11:08,348
Hello?

867
01:11:12,060 --> 01:11:13,687
How you doing?
Hello.

868
01:11:13,853 --> 01:11:16,648
I'm Sergeant Friday
from the 26th Precinct.

869
01:11:16,815 --> 01:11:19,567
A cat came in with
a corpse the other day.

870
01:11:19,734 --> 01:11:21,528
"Orion" on the nametag?
Yes, that's right.

871
01:11:21,695 --> 01:11:26,366
Right. Uh, well, this cat is a...
A witness in a murder case.

872
01:11:26,533 --> 01:11:28,451
I need to take him with me,
ask him a few questions.

873
01:11:28,618 --> 01:11:30,203
Well, I don't know where
the cat is right now.

874
01:11:30,370 --> 01:11:31,746
Oh, you don't?

875
01:11:32,372 --> 01:11:35,041
No, but maybe you could
take me with you instead.

876
01:11:37,085 --> 01:11:39,337
Damn, you do start fast,
don't you?

877
01:11:39,504 --> 01:11:43,091
I'd really like
to go with you. Now.

878
01:11:43,258 --> 01:11:46,720
Uh-huh.
And exactly why is that?

879
01:11:53,977 --> 01:11:56,855
There's something
I need to show you.

880
01:11:57,022 --> 01:11:59,899
Slow down, girl, you ain't
gotta hit the gas like that.

881
01:12:00,066 --> 01:12:03,570
No, you don't understand.
You really need to see this.

882
01:12:03,737 --> 01:12:05,405
Oh, I Will, I Will.

883
01:12:05,572 --> 01:12:08,992
I gotta drive.
You know, it's not some macho trip.

884
01:12:09,159 --> 01:12:11,661
I'm saying, that's just
the way I get down.

885
01:12:22,130 --> 01:12:24,090
Look, stud, you're really
not getting this.

886
01:12:24,257 --> 01:12:28,386
There's something
I need you to help me with.

887
01:12:39,105 --> 01:12:41,441
Freeze it, bug.
Christ, you are thick.

888
01:12:41,608 --> 01:12:42,817
Look, how was I
supposed to know?

889
01:12:42,984 --> 01:12:44,277
Do I have to sing it for you?

890
01:12:44,444 --> 01:12:46,029
If you weren't coming on like
some drunken prom date...

891
01:12:46,196 --> 01:12:47,739
Oh, God. That is so typical.

892
01:12:47,906 --> 01:12:50,283
Any time a woman shows the slightest
hint of sexual independence...

893
01:12:50,450 --> 01:12:52,285
How about we shut up?
Let her go, shit-eater.

894
01:12:52,452 --> 01:12:54,996
Listen, monkey boy,
compared to you humans,

895
01:12:55,163 --> 01:12:57,707
I'm on the top rung
of the evolutionary ladder.

896
01:12:57,874 --> 01:12:59,042
So can it, all right?

897
01:12:59,209 --> 01:13:01,961
You're breaking my heart. Show me your
face, and I'll cure all your ills.

898
01:13:02,128 --> 01:13:05,507
You ever pull wings off a fly?
You care to see the fly get even?

899
01:13:05,673 --> 01:13:07,467
How far do you think you're
gonna get without your ship,

900
01:13:07,634 --> 01:13:10,303
if that's what you call that piece of
space trash we got locked in the office?

901
01:13:10,470 --> 01:13:13,181
- Put your weapons down.
- Never gonna happen, insect.

902
01:13:13,348 --> 01:13:15,850
It's okay, Laurel.
How is it okay?

903
01:13:16,017 --> 01:13:20,355
I'm saying it's gonna be okay.
Don't bet on it, meat sack.

904
01:13:30,156 --> 01:13:31,783
Let me go.

905
01:13:39,666 --> 01:13:41,584
God, what the...?

906
01:13:42,544 --> 01:13:43,837
Come on.

907
01:13:48,258 --> 01:13:50,176
Take me here.
No way.

908
01:13:52,053 --> 01:13:53,096
Take me.

909
01:13:56,683 --> 01:13:58,351
Hey. Come back!

910
01:14:10,572 --> 01:14:12,115
He's in a cab.

911
01:14:33,887 --> 01:14:36,639
Don't move, don't move.
Don't move.

912
01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:39,893
Hey, man, what? Whoa, whoa.

913
01:14:49,652 --> 01:14:52,947
He's not leaving the planet
in a cab. Let's go.

914
01:14:57,202 --> 01:14:59,913
Come with me. Put up a bio-net
all the way around Manhattan.

915
01:15:00,079 --> 01:15:01,998
If it's not human, I don't
want it to leave this island.

916
01:15:02,165 --> 01:15:03,458
Yes, sir.

917
01:15:04,000 --> 01:15:05,543
What do we hear from
our friends upstairs?

918
01:15:05,710 --> 01:15:07,921
"Deliver the Galaxy."
The bug's got the Galaxy.

919
01:15:08,087 --> 01:15:10,173
But we got his ship. He's gotta
be looking for a way out.

920
01:15:13,343 --> 01:15:16,638
<i>Plutonic fusion detection.</i>

921
01:15:16,804 --> 01:15:19,766
<i>Plutonic fusion detection.</i>

922
01:15:23,811 --> 01:15:25,563
What the hell are they
shooting at us for?

923
01:15:25,730 --> 01:15:26,940
Arquillian battle rules, kid.

924
01:15:27,106 --> 01:15:29,067
First, we get an ultimatum,
then a warning shot,

925
01:15:29,234 --> 01:15:31,402
and then we have a galactic
standard week to respond.

926
01:15:31,569 --> 01:15:34,113
A galactic standard week?
How the hell long is that?

927
01:15:34,280 --> 01:15:35,740
One hour.

928
01:15:35,907 --> 01:15:39,160
One hour? Then what?

929
01:15:43,915 --> 01:15:44,999
Aw, that's bullshit.

930
01:15:45,166 --> 01:15:47,293
Look, kid, to keep
the bugs from getting it,

931
01:15:47,460 --> 01:15:49,462
the Arquillians
will destroy that Galaxy.

932
01:15:49,629 --> 01:15:52,382
And whatever planet it's on.

933
01:15:53,132 --> 01:15:56,886
You're talking about us.
Heh-heh. Sucks, huh?

934
01:15:58,930 --> 01:16:01,641
I'm pulling up the location of every
interstellar vehicle within a hundred miles.

935
01:16:01,808 --> 01:16:03,935
Already did it. Frank
the Pug took the last ship.

936
01:16:04,102 --> 01:16:06,145
We got Sneden's Landing
and Throg's Neck.

937
01:16:06,312 --> 01:16:07,522
They're gone.
We have Atlantic City.

938
01:16:07,689 --> 01:16:08,731
Gone.

939
01:16:08,898 --> 01:16:10,191
All right, Bayonne?
Gone.

940
01:16:10,358 --> 01:16:12,527
All right, there's Three Mile Island.
Gone.

941
01:16:12,694 --> 01:16:13,903
- Yo.
- Staten Island.

942
01:16:14,070 --> 01:16:15,154
Gone, thank God.

943
01:16:15,321 --> 01:16:16,948
- Fellas.
- We're running out of time.

944
01:16:17,115 --> 01:16:19,325
If that bug gets off the planet with
that Galaxy, we're all bug food.

945
01:16:19,492 --> 01:16:20,910
Hey, old guys.

946
01:16:25,999 --> 01:16:28,167
Do those still work?

947
01:16:43,141 --> 01:16:45,184
- You're coming with me.
- What?

948
01:16:45,768 --> 01:16:48,688
It's a long trip.
I'll need a snack.

949
01:16:48,855 --> 01:16:52,900
Whoa! Ah! Ah!

950
01:16:54,360 --> 01:16:55,528
Wait a minute,
you're taking the tunnel?

951
01:16:55,695 --> 01:16:58,698
You know a better way to Queens?
Man, that thing's gonna be packed.

952
01:17:11,961 --> 01:17:14,088
You remember the little red button?
Yeah.

953
01:17:14,255 --> 01:17:15,715
Push the little red button.

954
01:17:16,966 --> 01:17:18,384
And you might wanna
put on a seat belt.

955
01:17:18,551 --> 01:17:21,638
Kay. Kay!

956
01:17:30,229 --> 01:17:32,357
You know, you're much too tense.
You're a young man.

957
01:17:32,523 --> 01:17:35,068
You need to relax. Learn to
take some joy in your work.

958
01:17:35,234 --> 01:17:36,486
Do you like music?

959
01:17:40,573 --> 01:17:42,617
That's better.

960
01:17:59,926 --> 01:18:01,177
All right, now.

961
01:18:01,344 --> 01:18:02,845
Ah, shit.
Ah, man.

962
01:18:06,599 --> 01:18:08,142
Kay. Kay!

963
01:18:13,314 --> 01:18:14,982
You do know
Elvis is dead, right?

964
01:18:15,149 --> 01:18:17,944
No, Elvis is not dead.
He just went home.

965
01:18:33,126 --> 01:18:36,170
You don't wanna eat me. I'm a very
important person on my planet.

966
01:18:36,337 --> 01:18:37,630
Like a queen.

967
01:18:37,797 --> 01:18:40,758
A goddess, even. There are
those who worship me.

968
01:18:40,925 --> 01:18:42,802
I'm not telling you
to try to impress you.

969
01:18:42,969 --> 01:18:45,138
I'm just letting you know
it could start a war.

970
01:18:45,304 --> 01:18:47,849
Good, war. That means
more food for my family.

971
01:18:48,015 --> 01:18:51,310
All 78 million of them. That's a lot
of mouths to feed, Your Highness.

972
01:18:51,477 --> 01:18:54,147
You're a wonderful
dad, but I'm staying here.

973
01:19:15,877 --> 01:19:18,463
Now, that's what I'm talking about.

974
01:19:19,297 --> 01:19:21,716
Roaches check in.

975
01:19:23,176 --> 01:19:24,343
They don't check out.

976
01:19:29,223 --> 01:19:33,227
<i>Eight
minutes to the destruction of Earth.</i>

977
01:19:34,896 --> 01:19:38,357
<i>Eight minutes to destruction.</i>

978
01:20:22,985 --> 01:20:25,905
All right, we'll use pulsar level five
with a subsonic implosion factor.

979
01:20:26,072 --> 01:20:27,448
What?

980
01:20:27,615 --> 01:20:32,286
Just shoot the damn thing on the
count of three. One, two, three.

981
01:21:31,721 --> 01:21:35,182
Oh, you idiots!

982
01:21:35,349 --> 01:21:38,311
You don't get it.
I've won.

983
01:21:39,145 --> 01:21:41,188
It's over.

984
01:21:41,355 --> 01:21:45,735
You're milk-suckers.
You don't matter.

985
01:21:45,902 --> 01:21:48,404
In fact, in a few seconds,
you won't even be matter.

986
01:21:48,571 --> 01:21:51,657
You're under arrest for violating
Section 4153 of the Tycho Treaty.

987
01:21:51,824 --> 01:21:54,368
So hand over whatever
galaxy you might be carrying,

988
01:21:54,535 --> 01:21:57,330
and step away from your busted-ass
vehicle, and put your hands on your head.

989
01:21:57,622 --> 01:22:01,000
Okay. Oh, I... I see.

990
01:22:02,209 --> 01:22:06,172
I'll put my hands on...

991
01:22:06,672 --> 01:22:07,882
On my head.

992
01:22:12,303 --> 01:22:13,346
Like this?

993
01:22:32,865 --> 01:22:34,033
Kay...

994
01:22:42,625 --> 01:22:44,585
That did not go at all
the way I planned.

995
01:22:44,752 --> 01:22:47,088
Whatever happens, don't let
him get on the second ship.

996
01:22:47,254 --> 01:22:49,882
What? What are you talking about?
Keep him on this planet.

997
01:22:50,049 --> 01:22:52,051
Kay... Kay, where are you going?

998
01:22:52,718 --> 01:22:54,804
I'm gonna get my gun back.

999
01:22:56,555 --> 01:22:59,016
Hey. Hey, bug. Wait a
minute, I'm talking to you.

1000
01:22:59,183 --> 01:23:01,644
You know how many of your kind
I've swatted with a newspaper?

1001
01:23:01,811 --> 01:23:04,063
You're nothing but a smear
on the sports page to me,

1002
01:23:04,230 --> 01:23:07,233
you slimy, gut-sucking
intestinal parasite.

1003
01:23:07,775 --> 01:23:10,736
Eat me. Eat me!

1004
01:23:14,240 --> 01:23:17,284
Kay. Kay!

1005
01:23:24,750 --> 01:23:26,752
Hey!

1006
01:23:29,130 --> 01:23:30,423
What's up?

1007
01:23:30,589 --> 01:23:33,801
You're just gonna eat and run, huh?
What about dessert? Ah!

1008
01:23:38,014 --> 01:23:39,515
Wha...?

1009
01:23:39,765 --> 01:23:41,392
That's it?

1010
01:23:41,559 --> 01:23:45,604
Where are you going?
This party's just getting started.

1011
01:23:45,771 --> 01:23:47,940
Where you going?

1012
01:23:48,107 --> 01:23:50,776
Where you going? Ah!

1013
01:23:50,943 --> 01:23:52,111
Let me tell you something.

1014
01:23:52,278 --> 01:23:56,323
There's only one way off of this
planet, baby, and that's through me.

1015
01:24:36,614 --> 01:24:38,157
Hey.

1016
01:24:39,325 --> 01:24:41,160
Where you going?

1017
01:24:41,535 --> 01:24:45,748
Why you running, huh?
I'm still standing.

1018
01:24:45,915 --> 01:24:47,917
Come on, bring it.
Come on, bring it.

1019
01:25:06,560 --> 01:25:10,231
Uh-oh. I'm sorry.
Was that your auntie?

1020
01:25:12,525 --> 01:25:15,486
Then that must mean that
that's your uncle, then, huh?

1021
01:25:17,321 --> 01:25:20,074
You know y'all look alike.

1022
01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:28,874
Well, well.

1023
01:25:29,041 --> 01:25:32,086
Big bad bug
got a bit of a soft spot, huh?

1024
01:25:35,589 --> 01:25:38,300
See, what I can't understand

1025
01:25:38,467 --> 01:25:41,387
is why you gotta come down here,
bringing all this ruckus,

1026
01:25:41,554 --> 01:25:43,973
snatching up galaxies
and everything.

1027
01:25:44,140 --> 01:25:47,393
My attitude is,
don't start nothing,

1028
01:25:47,560 --> 01:25:49,895
won't be nothing.

1029
01:25:54,400 --> 01:25:58,070
You need to ease up out of my face
before something bad happen to you.

1030
01:26:00,364 --> 01:26:01,407
Too late.

1031
01:26:29,268 --> 01:26:33,564
Zed, call the Arquillians.
Tell them we have the Galaxy.

1032
01:26:33,731 --> 01:26:35,774
<i>You got it, friend.</i>

1033
01:26:37,276 --> 01:26:41,614
Going to get your gun back, huh?
I like this gun.

1034
01:26:41,780 --> 01:26:44,200
Yeah, well, while you was
in there playing around,

1035
01:26:44,366 --> 01:26:46,160
I was down here
doing all the work.

1036
01:26:46,327 --> 01:26:49,371
You know, first I had to bean him
in the head with this big rock.

1037
01:26:49,538 --> 01:26:51,457
Then I was gonna hit him
with this 2-by-4.

1038
01:26:51,624 --> 01:26:53,292
He kicked me,
and, you know, it hurt.

1039
01:26:53,459 --> 01:26:56,462
But then I got to the fire, you know.
I was like "ah" with the fire.

1040
01:26:56,629 --> 01:26:59,215
Not bad for your
second day of work, is it?

1041
01:26:59,798 --> 01:27:03,135
Well, this definitely rates about
a 9.0 on my weird-shit-0-meter.

1042
01:27:03,552 --> 01:27:07,223
You should've been here for the
Zeronian migration in 1968.

1043
01:27:07,389 --> 01:27:09,099
Whoa.

1044
01:27:09,934 --> 01:27:11,352
I guess you weren't
even alive in '68.

1045
01:27:18,192 --> 01:27:20,819
Interesting job you guys have.

1046
01:27:35,376 --> 01:27:38,963
Kay, um, look, I know we got
these rules and everything,

1047
01:27:39,129 --> 01:27:41,548
but I was thinking,
she did help us bust that bug.

1048
01:27:41,715 --> 01:27:44,718
Maybe we didn't
have to flashy-thing her.

1049
01:27:45,886 --> 01:27:47,638
Kay, come on, man.
What, who's she gonna tell?

1050
01:27:47,805 --> 01:27:49,223
She hang out
with all dead people.

1051
01:27:49,390 --> 01:27:52,685
It's not for her. It's for me.

1052
01:27:54,478 --> 01:27:55,604
What?

1053
01:27:57,773 --> 01:27:59,900
They're beautiful, aren't they?

1054
01:28:00,734 --> 01:28:02,152
Stars.

1055
01:28:02,319 --> 01:28:06,156
I mean, I never look at them any more,
but they actually are quite, um...

1056
01:28:08,033 --> 01:28:09,952
beautiful.

1057
01:28:12,621 --> 01:28:16,542
Uh, Kay, you're frightening
your partner.

1058
01:28:16,709 --> 01:28:20,462
I haven't been training a partner.
I've been training a replacement.

1059
01:28:20,879 --> 01:28:25,301
Wait a minute, Kay.
I cannot do this job by myself.

1060
01:28:25,467 --> 01:28:28,220
Hey, guys, my apartment
isn't anywhere near here.

1061
01:28:28,387 --> 01:28:30,347
It's not even
on the same island.

1062
01:28:31,932 --> 01:28:35,978
Days... months... years.

1063
01:28:36,145 --> 01:28:38,272
Always face it forward.

1064
01:28:46,572 --> 01:28:47,614
Kay...

1065
01:28:47,781 --> 01:28:49,908
I've just been down the gullet
of an interstellar cockroach, kid.

1066
01:28:50,075 --> 01:28:53,037
That's one of a hundred
memories that I don't want.

1067
01:29:09,803 --> 01:29:11,764
See you around, Jay.

1068
01:29:17,603 --> 01:29:21,273
No, you won't.

1069
01:29:54,014 --> 01:29:55,849
Hey, Jay.

1070
01:29:56,642 --> 01:29:58,894
Zed called. The high
consulate from Solaxium 9

1071
01:29:59,061 --> 01:30:01,063
wants floor seats
for the Knicks-Bulls game.

1072
01:30:01,230 --> 01:30:05,317
All right, let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman.
He's from that planet.

1073
01:30:06,068 --> 01:30:09,488
Rodman? You're kidding.
Nope.

1074
01:30:09,655 --> 01:30:12,032
Not much of a disguise.

1074
01:30:13,305 --> 01:30:19,804
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