1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Play one of the best new FPS shooters, search Steam for PROJECT WARLOCK 2 00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:18,109 Whoa, there! 3 00:04:36,128 --> 00:04:37,278 Halt! 4 00:04:38,881 --> 00:04:40,131 Who goes there? 5 00:04:40,382 --> 00:04:44,552 It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. 6 00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:47,805 King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons. 7 00:04:48,473 --> 00:04:50,641 Sovereign of all England! 8 00:04:52,102 --> 00:04:53,553 Pull the other one. 9 00:04:53,653 --> 00:04:56,939 I am, and this is my trusty servant, Patsy. 10 00:04:57,316 --> 00:05:00,810 We have ridden the length of the land in search of knights 11 00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:05,823 who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master. 12 00:05:06,575 --> 00:05:08,784 - What? Ridden on a horse? - Yes. 13 00:05:08,994 --> 00:05:11,154 - You're using coconuts! - What? 14 00:05:11,254 --> 00:05:15,158 You've got two empty halves of coconut, and you're banging them together. 15 00:05:15,258 --> 00:05:19,170 So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land. 16 00:05:19,671 --> 00:05:23,249 - Through the Kingdom of Mercia. - Where did you get the coconuts? 17 00:05:23,349 --> 00:05:24,542 We found them. 18 00:05:24,642 --> 00:05:27,845 Found them? In Mercia? The coconut is tropical. 19 00:05:28,305 --> 00:05:31,007 - What do you mean? - Well, this is a temperate zone. 20 00:05:31,107 --> 00:05:34,761 The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover 21 00:05:34,861 --> 00:05:39,190 may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land. 22 00:05:40,192 --> 00:05:45,104 - Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? - Not at all. They could be carried. 23 00:05:45,204 --> 00:05:49,909 - What? A swallow carrying a coconut? - It could grip it by the husk. 24 00:05:50,369 --> 00:05:55,206 It's not a question of where he grips it. It's a simple question of weight ratio. 25 00:05:55,707 --> 00:05:59,869 A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut. 26 00:05:59,969 --> 00:06:04,882 It doesn't matter. Go tell your master that Arthur from Camelot is here. 27 00:06:06,385 --> 00:06:09,512 In order to maintain air-speed velocity, 28 00:06:09,721 --> 00:06:14,392 a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right? 29 00:06:14,518 --> 00:06:16,394 - Please! - Am I right? 30 00:06:17,229 --> 00:06:21,482 - I'm not interested. - It could be carried by an African swallow. 31 00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:26,813 Oh, yes! An African swallow, maybe. Not a European swallow. That's my point. 32 00:06:26,913 --> 00:06:28,147 I agree with that. 33 00:06:28,247 --> 00:06:32,576 Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot? 34 00:06:33,537 --> 00:06:36,614 But then, of course, African swallows are non-migratory. 35 00:06:36,714 --> 00:06:39,917 - Oh, yes. - They couldn't bring a coconut, anyway. 36 00:06:40,585 --> 00:06:44,171 Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together? 37 00:06:44,589 --> 00:06:49,468 - No, they'd have to have it on a line. - Simple. They'd use a strand of creeper. 38 00:06:49,845 --> 00:06:53,305 - Held under the dorsal guiding feathers? - Why not? 39 00:06:55,225 --> 00:06:56,767 Bring out your dead! 40 00:07:28,633 --> 00:07:29,783 Ninepence. 41 00:07:49,571 --> 00:07:51,739 - Bring out your dead. - Here's one. 42 00:07:51,990 --> 00:07:53,140 Ninepence. 43 00:07:53,166 --> 00:07:54,734 - I'm not dead! - What? 44 00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:57,487 - Nothing. Here's your ninepence. - I'm not dead! 45 00:07:57,587 --> 00:07:59,822 - He says he's not dead. - Yes, he is. 46 00:07:59,922 --> 00:08:01,407 - I'm not! - He isn't? 47 00:08:01,507 --> 00:08:04,077 - He will be soon. He's very ill. - I'm getting better! 48 00:08:04,177 --> 00:08:05,912 You'll be stone dead in a moment. 49 00:08:06,012 --> 00:08:08,664 I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. 50 00:08:08,764 --> 00:08:12,085 - I don't want to go on the cart. - Don't be such a baby. 51 00:08:12,185 --> 00:08:14,337 - I can't take him. - I feel fine. 52 00:08:14,437 --> 00:08:16,464 - Well, do us a favor. - I can't. 53 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:19,175 Can you hang around a few minutes? He won't be long. 54 00:08:19,275 --> 00:08:21,969 Got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. 55 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,846 - When's your next round? - Thursday. 56 00:08:23,946 --> 00:08:27,683 - I think I'll go for a walk. - You're not fooling anyone, you know. 57 00:08:27,783 --> 00:08:32,738 - Isn't there something you can do? - I feel happy. 58 00:08:34,116 --> 00:08:37,068 - Thanks very much. - Not at all. See you on Thursday. 59 00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:38,318 Right. 60 00:08:42,207 --> 00:08:45,126 - Who's that, then? - I don't know. Must be a king. 61 00:08:45,418 --> 00:08:48,003 - Why? - He hasn't got shit all over him. 62 00:09:11,903 --> 00:09:13,529 - Old woman! - Man! 63 00:09:13,989 --> 00:09:17,408 Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there? 64 00:09:17,534 --> 00:09:19,785 - I'm 37. - What? 65 00:09:20,078 --> 00:09:23,906 - I'm 37. I'm not old. - I can't just call you "man." 66 00:09:24,006 --> 00:09:26,993 - You could say "Dennis." - I didn't know you were called Dennis. 67 00:09:27,093 --> 00:09:28,744 You didn't bother to find out. 68 00:09:28,844 --> 00:09:31,581 I did say sorry about the "old woman," but from behind... 69 00:09:31,681 --> 00:09:34,925 What I object to is that you treat me like an inferior. 70 00:09:35,051 --> 00:09:37,928 - Well, I am king. - King? Very nice. 71 00:09:38,513 --> 00:09:41,348 How did you get that? By exploiting the workers! 72 00:09:41,766 --> 00:09:45,178 By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates 73 00:09:45,278 --> 00:09:48,264 the economic and social differences in our society! 74 00:09:48,364 --> 00:09:52,860 - If there's ever going to be any progress... - There's some lovely filth down here. 75 00:09:53,904 --> 00:09:55,104 How do you do? 76 00:09:55,204 --> 00:09:58,191 How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. 77 00:09:58,291 --> 00:10:00,693 - Whose castle is that? - King of the who? 78 00:10:00,793 --> 00:10:02,953 - The Britons. - Who are the Britons? 79 00:10:03,205 --> 00:10:06,207 We all are. We're all Britons. And I am your king. 80 00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:10,119 Didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective. 81 00:10:10,219 --> 00:10:13,039 You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. 82 00:10:13,139 --> 00:10:16,209 A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class... 83 00:10:16,309 --> 00:10:18,794 There you go. Bringing class into it again. 84 00:10:18,894 --> 00:10:23,390 - That's what it's all about. If only people... - Please, good people. I am in haste. 85 00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:25,684 Who lives in that castle? 86 00:10:26,311 --> 00:10:28,346 - No one lives there. - Who is your lord? 87 00:10:28,446 --> 00:10:30,389 - We don't have a lord. - What? 88 00:10:30,489 --> 00:10:33,651 I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. 89 00:10:33,818 --> 00:10:37,230 We take turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. 90 00:10:37,330 --> 00:10:39,899 - Yes. - But all the decisions of that officer 91 00:10:39,999 --> 00:10:42,993 - are ratified at a biweekly meeting. - Yes, I see. 92 00:10:43,119 --> 00:10:46,405 - By a majority in the case of internal affairs. - Be quiet! 93 00:10:46,505 --> 00:10:50,918 - By a two-thirds majority in the case of... - Be quiet! I order you to be quiet. 94 00:10:51,336 --> 00:10:53,412 "Order." Who does he think he is? 95 00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:56,131 - I am your king! - I didn't vote for you. 96 00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:59,677 - You don't vote for kings. - How did you become king then? 97 00:11:00,345 --> 00:11:05,057 The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, 98 00:11:05,308 --> 00:11:08,435 held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, 99 00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:13,941 signifying, by divine providence, that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. 100 00:11:14,442 --> 00:11:15,935 That is why I'm your king! 101 00:11:16,035 --> 00:11:20,531 Listen. Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis 102 00:11:20,657 --> 00:11:23,943 for a system of government. Supreme executive power 103 00:11:24,043 --> 00:11:28,614 derives from a mandate from the masses. Not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. 104 00:11:28,714 --> 00:11:29,782 Be quiet! 105 00:11:29,882 --> 00:11:32,952 You can't expect to wield supreme executive power 106 00:11:33,052 --> 00:11:35,621 just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you. 107 00:11:35,721 --> 00:11:36,530 Shut up! 108 00:11:36,556 --> 00:11:38,983 I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor 109 00:11:39,058 --> 00:11:43,337 because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! 110 00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:47,558 - Will you shut up? - See the violence inherent in the system. 111 00:11:47,726 --> 00:11:51,312 - Shut up! - See the violence inherent in the system! 112 00:11:51,479 --> 00:11:54,473 - Help, I'm being repressed! - Bloody peasant! 113 00:11:54,573 --> 00:11:56,976 What a giveaway. Did you hear that? 114 00:11:57,076 --> 00:12:00,154 That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? 115 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,003 You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight. 116 00:13:43,174 --> 00:13:45,342 I am Arthur, King of the Britons. 117 00:13:49,681 --> 00:13:54,184 I seek the finest and bravest knights in the land to join me in Camelot. 118 00:13:59,649 --> 00:14:02,985 You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me? 119 00:14:08,616 --> 00:14:11,702 You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy. 120 00:14:12,036 --> 00:14:13,704 None shall pass. 121 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,165 - What? - None shall pass. 122 00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:20,578 I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge. 123 00:14:20,678 --> 00:14:22,880 Then you shall die. 124 00:14:23,756 --> 00:14:27,718 I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside. 125 00:14:28,011 --> 00:14:31,597 I move for no man. 126 00:14:33,391 --> 00:14:34,600 So be it! 127 00:15:01,336 --> 00:15:03,412 Now, stand aside, worthy adversary. 128 00:15:03,512 --> 00:15:06,715 - 'Tis but a scratch. - "A scratch"? Your arm's off. 129 00:15:06,841 --> 00:15:09,218 - No, it isn't. - Well, what's that, then? 130 00:15:10,303 --> 00:15:11,754 - I've had worse. - You liar. 131 00:15:11,854 --> 00:15:13,472 Come on, you pansy! 132 00:15:21,523 --> 00:15:22,898 Victory is mine. 133 00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:26,902 We thank thee, Lord, that in thy... 134 00:15:28,196 --> 00:15:29,780 - Come on, then. - What? 135 00:15:30,114 --> 00:15:31,323 Have at you. 136 00:15:33,034 --> 00:15:35,486 You are brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine. 137 00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,162 Had enough, eh? 138 00:15:38,122 --> 00:15:40,741 Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left. 139 00:15:40,841 --> 00:15:42,292 - Yes, I have. - Look! 140 00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:44,211 Just a flesh wound. 141 00:15:45,296 --> 00:15:47,706 - Look, stop that. - Chicken! 142 00:15:47,806 --> 00:15:50,300 I'll have your leg. Right! 143 00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:55,506 - Right! I'll do you for that. - You'll what? 144 00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:58,509 - Come here. - What are you going to do? Bleed on me? 145 00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:01,353 - I am invincible! - You're a loony. 146 00:16:02,105 --> 00:16:05,774 The Black Knight always triumphs. Have at you! 147 00:16:06,818 --> 00:16:08,068 Come on, then. 148 00:16:13,324 --> 00:16:15,409 All right, we'll call it a draw. 149 00:16:16,327 --> 00:16:18,745 - Come, Patsy. - Oh, I see. 150 00:16:19,330 --> 00:16:22,833 Running away? You yellow bastard! 151 00:16:22,959 --> 00:16:27,296 Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off! 152 00:16:30,842 --> 00:16:34,803 ♪ Pie Jesu Domine 153 00:16:35,430 --> 00:16:39,808 ♪ Dona eis requiem 154 00:16:42,312 --> 00:16:46,106 ♪ Pie Jesu Domine 155 00:16:47,734 --> 00:16:52,696 ♪ Dona eis requiem 156 00:17:04,959 --> 00:17:06,877 - A witch! - We found a witch. 157 00:17:09,047 --> 00:17:11,214 - We got a witch. - We found a witch. 158 00:17:14,052 --> 00:17:15,510 We've got a witch. 159 00:17:16,929 --> 00:17:18,930 Burn her! 160 00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:31,193 - We have found a witch. May we burn her? - Burn her! 161 00:17:32,862 --> 00:17:35,947 - How do you know she is a witch? - She looks like one. 162 00:17:37,992 --> 00:17:39,451 Bring her forward. 163 00:17:40,244 --> 00:17:44,665 - I am not a witch. - But you are dressed as one. 164 00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:47,826 - They dressed me up like this. - We didn't! 165 00:17:47,926 --> 00:17:50,504 And this isn't my nose. It's a false one. 166 00:17:54,175 --> 00:17:56,301 - Well? - Well, we did do the nose. 167 00:17:57,136 --> 00:18:00,013 - The nose? - And the hat. But she is a witch. 168 00:18:00,390 --> 00:18:03,308 Burn her! 169 00:18:04,268 --> 00:18:08,355 - Did you dress her up like this? - No. Yes. 170 00:18:08,648 --> 00:18:12,025 Yes, a bit. She has got a wart. 171 00:18:13,569 --> 00:18:17,572 - What makes you think she is a witch? - Well, she turned me into a newt. 172 00:18:19,033 --> 00:18:20,183 A newt? 173 00:18:24,455 --> 00:18:25,706 I got better. 174 00:18:25,957 --> 00:18:28,625 - Burn her anyway. - Burn her! 175 00:18:32,338 --> 00:18:37,217 Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. 176 00:18:37,969 --> 00:18:41,346 - Are there? What are they? Tell us. - Do they hurt? 177 00:18:41,806 --> 00:18:44,725 Tell me, what do you do with witches? 178 00:18:44,892 --> 00:18:47,269 Burn them! 179 00:18:48,354 --> 00:18:52,107 - What do you burn apart from witches? - More witches! 180 00:18:53,443 --> 00:18:56,945 - Wood. - So, why do witches burn? 181 00:19:08,416 --> 00:19:10,959 - 'Cause they're made of wood? - Good. 182 00:19:13,045 --> 00:19:16,506 So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? 183 00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:22,345 - Build a bridge out of her. - Can you not also make bridges of stone? 184 00:19:23,598 --> 00:19:24,748 Oh, yeah. 185 00:19:25,767 --> 00:19:28,143 Does wood sink in water? 186 00:19:28,478 --> 00:19:30,929 - No. - It floats. 187 00:19:31,029 --> 00:19:32,731 Throw her into the pond! 188 00:19:35,777 --> 00:19:38,862 - What also floats in water? - Bread. 189 00:19:39,906 --> 00:19:41,782 - Apples. - Very small rocks. 190 00:19:42,241 --> 00:19:44,910 - Cider. Cherries. - Gravy. Mud. 191 00:19:45,453 --> 00:19:47,162 - Churches. - Lead. 192 00:19:47,371 --> 00:19:48,521 A duck! 193 00:19:50,792 --> 00:19:51,942 Exactly. 194 00:19:53,669 --> 00:19:55,295 So, logically... 195 00:19:55,797 --> 00:19:57,422 If she 196 00:19:58,299 --> 00:20:00,592 weighs the same as a duck... 197 00:20:03,054 --> 00:20:04,630 She's made of wood. 198 00:20:04,730 --> 00:20:06,181 And, therefore... 199 00:20:08,392 --> 00:20:09,851 - A witch! - A witch! 200 00:20:14,565 --> 00:20:16,775 We shall use my largest scales. 201 00:20:37,046 --> 00:20:40,632 Right. Remove the supports! 202 00:20:45,805 --> 00:20:47,013 - A witch! - A witch! 203 00:20:47,932 --> 00:20:49,724 - It's a fair cop. - Burn her! 204 00:20:57,817 --> 00:21:00,986 Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science? 205 00:21:01,153 --> 00:21:04,447 - I am Arthur, King of the Britons. - My liege. 206 00:21:05,825 --> 00:21:10,787 Good Sir Knight, will you come to Camelot, and join us at the Round Table? 207 00:21:11,372 --> 00:21:13,456 My liege, I would be honored. 208 00:21:14,083 --> 00:21:16,668 - What is your name? - Bedevere, my liege. 209 00:21:17,128 --> 00:21:19,838 Then I dub you Sir Bedevere, 210 00:21:20,715 --> 00:21:22,632 knight of the Round Table. 211 00:21:23,968 --> 00:21:27,880 The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King Arthur's knights. 212 00:21:27,980 --> 00:21:30,849 But other illustrious names were soon to follow. 213 00:21:31,392 --> 00:21:33,184 Sir Lancelot the Brave. 214 00:21:34,186 --> 00:21:35,896 Sir Galahad the Pure. 215 00:21:36,689 --> 00:21:39,683 And Sir Robin, the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot, 216 00:21:39,783 --> 00:21:42,019 who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor, 217 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,188 who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, 218 00:21:45,288 --> 00:21:49,034 and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill. 219 00:21:49,285 --> 00:21:52,746 And the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film. 220 00:21:54,165 --> 00:21:55,866 Together they formed a band 221 00:21:55,966 --> 00:21:59,794 whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries. 222 00:21:59,921 --> 00:22:02,339 The Knights of the Round Table. 223 00:22:03,007 --> 00:22:06,418 That, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. 224 00:22:06,518 --> 00:22:08,962 This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. 225 00:22:09,062 --> 00:22:12,883 Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes. 226 00:22:12,983 --> 00:22:15,018 - Certainly, sir. - Look, my liege. 227 00:22:19,023 --> 00:22:20,857 - Camelot. - Camelot. 228 00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:23,068 - Camelot. - It's only a model. 229 00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:27,447 Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. 230 00:22:27,657 --> 00:22:30,200 Let us ride to Camelot! 231 00:22:32,036 --> 00:22:35,322 ♪We're knights of the Round Table We dance whene'er we're able 232 00:22:35,422 --> 00:22:38,492 ♪We do routines and chorus scenes With footwork impeccable 233 00:22:38,592 --> 00:22:41,878 ♪We dine well here in Camelot We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot 234 00:22:48,719 --> 00:22:52,889 ♪We're knights of the Round Table Our shows are formidable 235 00:22:53,599 --> 00:22:55,384 ♪But many times We're given rhymes 236 00:22:55,484 --> 00:22:58,345 ♪That are quite unsingable We're opera mad in Camelot 237 00:22:58,445 --> 00:23:00,605 ♪We sing from the diaphragm a lot 238 00:23:15,788 --> 00:23:18,123 ♪In war we're tough and able 239 00:23:18,958 --> 00:23:21,167 ♪Quite indefatigable 240 00:23:21,961 --> 00:23:23,829 ♪Between our quests We sequin vests 241 00:23:23,929 --> 00:23:27,132 ♪And impersonate Clark Gable It's a busy life in Camelot 242 00:23:27,508 --> 00:23:33,377 ♪I have to push the pram a lot 243 00:23:36,434 --> 00:23:38,799 No, on second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot. 244 00:23:38,899 --> 00:23:41,271 - It is a silly place. - Right. 245 00:23:50,406 --> 00:23:53,783 Arthur. 246 00:23:54,243 --> 00:23:55,702 King of the Britons. 247 00:23:57,538 --> 00:24:01,283 Don't grovel. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling. 248 00:24:01,383 --> 00:24:03,084 - Sorry. - And don't apologize. 249 00:24:03,544 --> 00:24:07,122 Every time I talk to someone it's "sorry this," and, "forgive me that," 250 00:24:07,222 --> 00:24:08,840 and, "I'm not worthy." 251 00:24:09,008 --> 00:24:11,710 - What are you doing now? - I'm averting my eyes, Oh Lord. 252 00:24:11,810 --> 00:24:16,347 Don't. It's like those miserable psalms. They're so depressing. 253 00:24:16,557 --> 00:24:18,300 - Now, knock it off! - Yes, Lord. 254 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,895 Right. Arthur, King of the Britons. 255 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,098 Your knights of the Round Table shall have a task 256 00:24:25,198 --> 00:24:27,893 to make them an example in these dark times. 257 00:24:27,993 --> 00:24:30,695 - Good idea, Oh Lord! - Course it's a good idea. 258 00:24:31,405 --> 00:24:35,116 Behold, Arthur, this is the Holy Grail. 259 00:24:35,367 --> 00:24:39,996 Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this grail. 260 00:24:40,414 --> 00:24:42,665 That is your purpose, Arthur. 261 00:24:43,584 --> 00:24:46,336 The quest for the Holy Grail. 262 00:24:50,508 --> 00:24:54,344 - A blessing from the Lord. - God be praised! 263 00:25:52,903 --> 00:25:54,053 Halt! 264 00:26:04,957 --> 00:26:06,987 Hello! 265 00:26:13,598 --> 00:26:15,222 Hello! 266 00:26:16,468 --> 00:26:18,011 Hello. Who is it? 267 00:26:18,345 --> 00:26:21,931 It is King Arthur, and these are my knights of the Round Table. 268 00:26:22,099 --> 00:26:23,641 Whose castle is this? 269 00:26:23,851 --> 00:26:27,145 This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard. 270 00:26:27,438 --> 00:26:31,316 Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God 271 00:26:31,775 --> 00:26:36,237 with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, 272 00:26:36,614 --> 00:26:39,490 he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail. 273 00:26:39,825 --> 00:26:42,994 Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. 274 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:45,163 He's already got one, you see. 275 00:26:46,332 --> 00:26:48,791 - What? - He says they've already got one! 276 00:26:50,252 --> 00:26:53,963 - Are you sure he's got one? - Oh, yes. It's very nice. 277 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,008 I told him we've already got one. 278 00:27:00,179 --> 00:27:04,474 - Can we come up and have a look? - Of course not! You are English-types. 279 00:27:06,143 --> 00:27:08,386 - Well, what are you then? - I'm French. 280 00:27:08,486 --> 00:27:12,482 Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king? 281 00:27:12,983 --> 00:27:16,152 - What are you doing in England? - Mind your own business. 282 00:27:17,821 --> 00:27:21,566 If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force. 283 00:27:21,666 --> 00:27:24,827 You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! 284 00:27:25,454 --> 00:27:29,374 Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. 285 00:27:29,667 --> 00:27:33,544 I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King. 286 00:27:33,796 --> 00:27:37,840 You and all your silly English knights. 287 00:27:44,723 --> 00:27:48,093 - What a strange person. - Now look here, my good man... 288 00:27:48,193 --> 00:27:50,561 I don't want to talk to you no more, 289 00:27:50,854 --> 00:27:54,148 you empty-headed, animal food-trough wiper. 290 00:27:54,525 --> 00:27:57,277 I fart in your general direction. 291 00:27:57,778 --> 00:28:02,699 Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. 292 00:28:04,910 --> 00:28:07,612 Is there someone else up there we could talk to? 293 00:28:07,712 --> 00:28:11,582 No. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time. 294 00:28:13,961 --> 00:28:17,630 Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable... 295 00:28:17,756 --> 00:28:19,165 - Fetchez la vache! - Quoi? 296 00:28:19,265 --> 00:28:20,717 Fetchez la vache! 297 00:28:23,095 --> 00:28:26,222 If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall... 298 00:28:28,058 --> 00:28:29,392 Jesus Christ! 299 00:28:30,811 --> 00:28:31,961 Crikey! 300 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,733 Right! Charge! 301 00:28:51,415 --> 00:28:53,958 Run away! Run away! 302 00:29:04,511 --> 00:29:06,804 - Fiends! I'll tear them apart. - No, no. 303 00:29:06,930 --> 00:29:09,849 Sir, I have a plan, sir. 304 00:30:45,362 --> 00:30:46,512 - Un cadeau. - What? 305 00:30:46,538 --> 00:30:47,530 - A present. - Un cadeau. 306 00:30:47,630 --> 00:30:50,116 Oui, allons-y. Let's go. 307 00:31:14,141 --> 00:31:15,300 What happens now? 308 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:20,313 Well, now, Lancelot, Galahad, and I wait until nightfall, 309 00:31:20,731 --> 00:31:24,901 and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise. 310 00:31:25,402 --> 00:31:28,070 Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed! 311 00:31:29,072 --> 00:31:30,281 Who leaps out? 312 00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,534 Lancelot, Galahad, and I 313 00:31:34,786 --> 00:31:36,579 leap out of the rabbit. 314 00:31:42,461 --> 00:31:45,588 Look. If we built this large, wooden badger... 315 00:31:49,593 --> 00:31:51,969 Run away! 316 00:32:01,772 --> 00:32:04,315 - History for Schools. Take 8. - Action! 317 00:32:04,775 --> 00:32:08,611 Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Arthur. 318 00:32:08,946 --> 00:32:13,733 The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise. 319 00:32:13,833 --> 00:32:18,120 Arthur became convinced that a new strategy was required 320 00:32:18,288 --> 00:32:22,667 if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. 321 00:32:22,793 --> 00:32:25,628 Arthur, having consulted his closest knights 322 00:32:26,004 --> 00:32:30,299 decided that they should separate, and search for the Grail individually. 323 00:32:30,676 --> 00:32:32,510 Now, this is what they did... 324 00:32:35,806 --> 00:32:36,956 Frank! 325 00:32:48,527 --> 00:32:51,404 So, each of the knights went their separate ways. 326 00:32:51,697 --> 00:32:54,991 Sir Robin rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing, 327 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,743 accompanied by his favorite minstrels. 328 00:32:58,996 --> 00:33:02,707 ♪Bravely bold Sir Robin Rode forth from Camelot 329 00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:07,545 ♪He was not afraid to die O, Brave Sir Robin 330 00:33:07,921 --> 00:33:11,841 ♪He was not at all afraid To be killed in nasty ways 331 00:33:12,342 --> 00:33:15,011 ♪Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin 332 00:33:16,722 --> 00:33:20,516 ♪He was not in the least bit scared To be mashed into a pulp 333 00:33:21,226 --> 00:33:25,479 ♪Or to have his eyes gouged out And his elbows broken 334 00:33:25,689 --> 00:33:29,609 ♪To have his kneecaps split And his body burned away 335 00:33:29,901 --> 00:33:33,112 ♪And his limbs all hacked and mangled Brave Sir Robin 336 00:33:34,573 --> 00:33:36,649 ♪His head smashed in And his heart cut out 337 00:33:36,749 --> 00:33:38,651 ♪His liver removed And his bowels unplugged 338 00:33:38,751 --> 00:33:41,696 ♪His nostrils raped, his bottom burned off And his penis... 339 00:33:41,796 --> 00:33:44,707 That's enough music for now, lads. 340 00:33:45,542 --> 00:33:47,543 Looks like there's dirty work afoot. 341 00:33:50,130 --> 00:33:52,999 Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom. 342 00:33:53,099 --> 00:33:56,552 Dennis, forget about freedom. Don't drop that mud. 343 00:34:00,098 --> 00:34:02,391 Halt! Who art thou? 344 00:34:02,684 --> 00:34:05,428 ♪He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin... 345 00:34:05,528 --> 00:34:06,812 Shut up! 346 00:34:07,606 --> 00:34:10,941 Nobody, really. I was just passing through. 347 00:34:11,234 --> 00:34:12,477 What do you want? 348 00:34:12,577 --> 00:34:15,279 - ♪To fight and... - Shut up! 349 00:34:16,281 --> 00:34:18,074 Nothing. Nothing, really. 350 00:34:19,034 --> 00:34:22,328 - Just to pass through, good Sir Knight. - I'm afraid not. 351 00:34:24,289 --> 00:34:29,168 - Actually, I am a knight of the Round Table. - You're a knight of the Round Table? 352 00:34:29,586 --> 00:34:30,620 I am. 353 00:34:30,720 --> 00:34:32,914 - In that case, I have to kill you. - Shall I? 354 00:34:33,014 --> 00:34:35,208 - I don't think so. - What do I think? 355 00:34:35,308 --> 00:34:37,126 - Kill him. - Let's be nice to him. 356 00:34:37,226 --> 00:34:38,294 - Shut up. - But... 357 00:34:38,394 --> 00:34:39,420 And you! 358 00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,506 Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off! 359 00:34:41,606 --> 00:34:44,425 - Cut your own head off. - Yes, do us all a favor. 360 00:34:44,525 --> 00:34:46,552 - What? - Yapping on all the time. 361 00:34:46,652 --> 00:34:49,389 - You're lucky you're not next to him. - What do you mean? 362 00:34:49,489 --> 00:34:51,524 - You snore. - I don't. 363 00:34:51,733 --> 00:34:54,894 - You've got bad breath. - Only because you don't brush my teeth. 364 00:34:54,994 --> 00:34:57,355 Stop bitching, and let's go and have tea! 365 00:34:57,455 --> 00:35:01,567 All right! We'll kill him first, and then have tea and biscuits. 366 00:35:01,667 --> 00:35:02,985 - Yes. - Not biscuits. 367 00:35:03,085 --> 00:35:06,531 All right! Not biscuits. But let's kill him anyway. 368 00:35:06,631 --> 00:35:07,781 Right. 369 00:35:10,293 --> 00:35:12,620 - He's buggered off! - So he has! He's scarpered. 370 00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:14,038 ♪Brave Sir Robin ran away 371 00:35:14,138 --> 00:35:15,130 No! 372 00:35:15,230 --> 00:35:17,041 ♪Bravely ran away, away 373 00:35:17,141 --> 00:35:18,291 I didn't. 374 00:35:19,136 --> 00:35:23,047 ♪When danger reared its ugly head He bravely turned his tail and fled 375 00:35:23,147 --> 00:35:27,017 ♪Yes, Brave Sir Robin turned about And gallantly he chickened out 376 00:35:27,394 --> 00:35:31,230 ♪Bravely taking to his feet He beat a very brave retreat 377 00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,307 ♪Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin 378 00:35:33,407 --> 00:35:34,567 I never! 379 00:35:36,737 --> 00:35:40,698 ♪ Pie Jesu Domine 380 00:35:41,283 --> 00:35:45,745 ♪ Dona eis requiem 381 00:37:02,072 --> 00:37:05,366 Open the door. 382 00:37:06,535 --> 00:37:09,662 In the name of King Arthur, open the door! 383 00:37:18,713 --> 00:37:19,863 Hello! 384 00:37:20,298 --> 00:37:24,051 Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax. 385 00:37:25,303 --> 00:37:27,680 - The Castle Anthrax? - Yes. 386 00:37:28,723 --> 00:37:30,758 It's not a very good name, is it? 387 00:37:30,858 --> 00:37:35,396 But we are nice, and we will attend to your every, every need! 388 00:37:36,314 --> 00:37:38,691 You are the keepers of the Holy Grail? 389 00:37:38,817 --> 00:37:41,193 - The what? - The Grail. It is here? 390 00:37:42,195 --> 00:37:45,155 But you are tired, and you must rest awhile. 391 00:37:45,657 --> 00:37:47,074 Midget! Crapper! 392 00:37:47,367 --> 00:37:50,411 - Yes, O Zoot? - Prepare a bed for our guest. 393 00:37:50,871 --> 00:37:53,455 - Thank you, Zoot. - Thank you. 394 00:37:53,582 --> 00:37:55,249 Away, away, varletesses! 395 00:37:57,002 --> 00:38:01,130 The beds here are warm and soft, and very, very big. 396 00:38:01,631 --> 00:38:04,383 - Look, I... - What is your name, handsome knight? 397 00:38:04,718 --> 00:38:06,802 Sir Galahad the Chaste. 398 00:38:08,013 --> 00:38:10,973 Mine is Zoot. Just Zoot. 399 00:38:11,892 --> 00:38:15,811 - But come. - Please, in God's name, show me the Grail. 400 00:38:17,063 --> 00:38:20,016 You have suffered much. You are delirious. 401 00:38:20,116 --> 00:38:22,852 - Look, I have seen it. It is here. - Sir Galahad! 402 00:38:22,952 --> 00:38:26,906 You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality. 403 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:35,164 I'm afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet, compared to yours. 404 00:38:36,166 --> 00:38:41,128 We're eight score blondes and brunettes, all between 16 and 19 and a half, 405 00:38:41,504 --> 00:38:44,590 cut off in this castle, with no one to protect us. 406 00:38:45,717 --> 00:38:47,259 It is a lonely life. 407 00:38:48,011 --> 00:38:53,015 Bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. 408 00:38:54,601 --> 00:38:57,144 We are just not used to handsome knights. 409 00:38:57,479 --> 00:39:00,064 Nay. Come. You may lie here. 410 00:39:02,233 --> 00:39:04,652 - But you are wounded! - No, it's nothing! 411 00:39:04,945 --> 00:39:09,740 You must see the doctors immediately. Please, lie down. 412 00:39:12,911 --> 00:39:16,580 - Well, what seems to be the trouble? - They're doctors? 413 00:39:17,832 --> 00:39:20,042 They have a basic medical training. 414 00:39:20,460 --> 00:39:23,128 Come, come, you must try to rest. 415 00:39:23,838 --> 00:39:26,924 Dr. Piglet! Dr. Winston! Practice your art. 416 00:39:34,391 --> 00:39:37,226 - Try to relax. - Are you sure that's absolutely necessary? 417 00:39:37,686 --> 00:39:39,186 We must examine you. 418 00:39:42,148 --> 00:39:45,526 - There's nothing wrong with that. - Please. We are doctors. 419 00:39:47,946 --> 00:39:49,530 Look, this cannot be. 420 00:39:50,073 --> 00:39:52,358 - I am sworn to chastity! - Back to your bed! 421 00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:55,244 Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail. 422 00:39:55,578 --> 00:39:58,414 - There's no Grail here. - I have seen it. 423 00:39:59,499 --> 00:40:01,041 - I have seen... - Hello. 424 00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:08,132 Hello. 425 00:40:27,861 --> 00:40:31,613 - Zoot! - I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo. 426 00:40:32,991 --> 00:40:35,534 - Where are you going? - I seek the Grail. 427 00:40:35,660 --> 00:40:37,870 I have seen it here in this castle! 428 00:40:38,955 --> 00:40:43,333 Oh, no. Bad, bad Zoot! 429 00:40:43,668 --> 00:40:47,004 - What is it? - Wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! 430 00:40:47,505 --> 00:40:51,717 She has been setting light to our beacon, which is Grail-shaped. 431 00:40:52,135 --> 00:40:54,462 It's not the first time we've had this problem. 432 00:40:54,562 --> 00:40:56,263 It's not the real Grail? 433 00:40:56,556 --> 00:40:59,475 Wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot. 434 00:40:59,601 --> 00:41:02,936 She is a bad person, and must pay the penalty. 435 00:41:04,647 --> 00:41:06,891 Do you think this scene should have been cut? 436 00:41:06,991 --> 00:41:09,852 We were so worried when the boys were writing it. 437 00:41:09,952 --> 00:41:13,280 But now we're glad. It's better than some previous scenes, I think. 438 00:41:13,656 --> 00:41:15,149 At least ours was better visually. 439 00:41:15,249 --> 00:41:17,985 At least ours was committed. It wasn't just a string of pussy jokes. 440 00:41:18,085 --> 00:41:20,613 - Get on with it. - Yes. Get on with it! 441 00:41:20,713 --> 00:41:23,332 Get on with it! 442 00:41:23,917 --> 00:41:27,669 - I am enjoying this scene. - Get on with it! 443 00:41:31,925 --> 00:41:33,467 Wicked, wicked Zoot! 444 00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:37,471 She must pay the penalty. 445 00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:42,476 In Castle Anthrax, we have one punishment for setting alight the Grail-shaped beacon. 446 00:41:43,103 --> 00:41:46,021 You must tie her down on a bed, and spank her. 447 00:41:46,231 --> 00:41:48,357 A spanking! A spanking! 448 00:41:48,525 --> 00:41:52,436 You must spank her, and after you've spanked her, deal with her as you like. 449 00:41:52,536 --> 00:41:54,814 - And, then, spank me. - And me! 450 00:41:54,914 --> 00:41:56,064 - And me. - And me. 451 00:41:56,123 --> 00:41:58,609 Yes. You must give us all a good spanking! 452 00:41:58,709 --> 00:42:00,244 A spanking! 453 00:42:02,455 --> 00:42:07,376 - And, after the spanking, the oral sex. - The oral sex! 454 00:42:08,336 --> 00:42:10,420 Well, I could stay a bit longer. 455 00:42:10,547 --> 00:42:12,665 - Sir Galahad! - Hello. 456 00:42:12,765 --> 00:42:15,167 - Quick! You are in great peril. - Why? 457 00:42:15,267 --> 00:42:17,586 - No, he isn't! - Silence, foul temptress! 458 00:42:17,686 --> 00:42:19,964 - She's got a point. - We'll cover your escape! 459 00:42:20,064 --> 00:42:22,800 - Look, I'm fine! - Wait, Sir Galahad! 460 00:42:22,900 --> 00:42:27,146 - I can tackle this lot single-handed! - Yes, let him tackle us single-handed! 461 00:42:28,189 --> 00:42:29,640 No, Sir Galahad. Come! 462 00:42:29,740 --> 00:42:32,059 Honestly, I can handle this lot easily! 463 00:42:32,159 --> 00:42:34,770 - Yes, let him handle us easily. - Go! Quick! 464 00:42:34,870 --> 00:42:38,323 Wait! Please! I can defeat them! There's only 150 of them! 465 00:42:38,658 --> 00:42:41,451 He'll beat us easily. We haven't a chance. 466 00:42:45,582 --> 00:42:46,832 Oh, shit! 467 00:42:47,250 --> 00:42:49,960 - You were in great peril. - I don't think I was. 468 00:42:50,086 --> 00:42:51,537 You were in terrible peril. 469 00:42:51,637 --> 00:42:54,832 - Let me go back, and face the peril. - No, it's too perilous. 470 00:42:54,932 --> 00:42:57,209 It's my duty to sample as much peril as I can. 471 00:42:57,309 --> 00:42:59,044 We've got to find the Holy Grail. 472 00:42:59,144 --> 00:43:01,881 - Let me have just a bit of peril? - No. It's unhealthy. 473 00:43:01,981 --> 00:43:04,016 - I bet you're gay. - No, I'm not. 474 00:43:05,602 --> 00:43:09,313 Sir Lancelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation. 475 00:43:09,606 --> 00:43:12,149 But, they were still no nearer the Grail. 476 00:43:12,442 --> 00:43:16,103 King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, 477 00:43:16,203 --> 00:43:18,113 had discovered something. 478 00:43:19,157 --> 00:43:21,692 That's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. 479 00:43:21,792 --> 00:43:24,236 They were more than two laden swallow's flights away. 480 00:43:24,336 --> 00:43:26,572 Four, with a coconut on a line between them. 481 00:43:26,672 --> 00:43:28,282 If the birds were... 482 00:43:28,382 --> 00:43:30,284 Get on with it! 483 00:43:30,384 --> 00:43:31,376 Oh, anyway, 484 00:43:31,476 --> 00:43:34,955 on to Scene 24, which is a smashing scene, with some lovely acting, 485 00:43:35,055 --> 00:43:37,208 in which Arthur discovers a vital clue. 486 00:43:37,308 --> 00:43:40,219 There aren't any swallows, but I think you can hear a... 487 00:43:42,138 --> 00:43:45,974 And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the Grail? 488 00:43:51,189 --> 00:43:52,689 Where does he live? 489 00:43:52,899 --> 00:43:54,483 Old man, where does he live? 490 00:43:55,818 --> 00:44:00,697 He knows of a cave. A cave which no man has entered. 491 00:44:01,157 --> 00:44:04,701 - And the Grail. The Grail is there? - There is much danger. 492 00:44:05,328 --> 00:44:09,414 For beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, 493 00:44:09,958 --> 00:44:12,376 which no man has ever crossed. 494 00:44:12,835 --> 00:44:15,254 But the Grail. Where is the Grail? 495 00:44:15,922 --> 00:44:19,049 Seek you the Bridge of Death. 496 00:44:20,635 --> 00:44:23,345 The Bridge of Death? Which leads to the Grail? 497 00:45:08,850 --> 00:45:13,637 - Who are you? - We are the knights who say "Ni"! 498 00:45:13,737 --> 00:45:16,265 - No! Not the knights who say "Ni"? - The same! 499 00:45:16,365 --> 00:45:20,110 - Who are they? - We are the keepers of the sacred words. 500 00:45:20,653 --> 00:45:23,989 "Ni," "Peng," and "Neee Wom"! 501 00:45:24,824 --> 00:45:27,318 Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale. 502 00:45:27,418 --> 00:45:31,780 The knights who say "Ni" demand a sacrifice. 503 00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:34,408 Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers 504 00:45:34,508 --> 00:45:37,202 who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. 505 00:45:37,302 --> 00:45:38,462 Ni! Ni! 506 00:45:44,427 --> 00:45:48,972 We shall say "Ni" again to you, if you do not appease us. 507 00:45:49,599 --> 00:45:51,933 - What is it you want? - We want 508 00:45:53,895 --> 00:45:55,645 a shrubbery. 509 00:45:56,522 --> 00:45:57,556 A what? 510 00:45:57,656 --> 00:46:01,769 - Ni! Ni! - Please! No more! 511 00:46:01,869 --> 00:46:05,606 - We will find you a shrubbery. - You must return with a shrubbery, 512 00:46:05,706 --> 00:46:09,076 or else you will never pass through this wood 513 00:46:09,577 --> 00:46:10,994 alive. 514 00:46:11,287 --> 00:46:13,697 Knights of Ni, you are just and fair. 515 00:46:13,797 --> 00:46:16,658 - We will return with a shrubbery. - One that looks nice. 516 00:46:16,758 --> 00:46:18,702 - Of course. - And not too expensive. 517 00:46:18,802 --> 00:46:22,089 - Yes. - Now go! 518 00:47:05,925 --> 00:47:08,218 Stop that! Stop that! 519 00:47:08,386 --> 00:47:11,221 Go on, clear off! Go away. 520 00:47:14,392 --> 00:47:15,851 And you, clear off! 521 00:47:21,315 --> 00:47:22,465 Bloody weather. 522 00:47:22,942 --> 00:47:24,860 The tale of Sir Lancelot. 523 00:47:31,617 --> 00:47:34,536 One day, lad, all this will be yours. 524 00:47:34,662 --> 00:47:37,156 - What, the curtains? - No, not the curtains. 525 00:47:37,256 --> 00:47:41,702 All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys. 526 00:47:41,802 --> 00:47:43,620 That'll be your kingdom, lad. 527 00:47:43,720 --> 00:47:45,464 - But, Mother. - Father, lad. 528 00:47:45,631 --> 00:47:49,259 - But, Father, I don't want any of that. - Listen, lad. 529 00:47:49,385 --> 00:47:54,264 I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, it was a swamp. 530 00:47:54,765 --> 00:47:57,801 Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on the swamp. 531 00:47:57,901 --> 00:48:01,021 But I built it all the same to show them. 532 00:48:01,522 --> 00:48:03,307 It sank into the swamp. 533 00:48:03,407 --> 00:48:06,226 So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. 534 00:48:06,326 --> 00:48:10,147 So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank in the swamp. 535 00:48:10,247 --> 00:48:12,240 But the fourth one stayed up. 536 00:48:13,075 --> 00:48:15,152 And that's what you'll get, lad. 537 00:48:15,252 --> 00:48:19,998 - The strongest castle in these isles. - But I don't want any of that. 538 00:48:20,583 --> 00:48:22,375 - I'd rather... - Rather what? 539 00:48:22,585 --> 00:48:24,586 I'd rather just 540 00:48:25,713 --> 00:48:28,582 - sing. - Stop that. 541 00:48:28,682 --> 00:48:31,426 You're not going into a song while I'm here! 542 00:48:31,552 --> 00:48:33,837 In 20 minutes, you're marrying a girl 543 00:48:33,937 --> 00:48:37,933 whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain. 544 00:48:38,100 --> 00:48:40,844 - But I don't want land. - Listen, Alice. 545 00:48:40,944 --> 00:48:42,513 - Herbert. - Herbert. 546 00:48:42,613 --> 00:48:46,024 We live on a bloody swamp, we need all the land we can get. 547 00:48:46,609 --> 00:48:49,444 - But I don't like her. - Don't like her? 548 00:48:50,238 --> 00:48:51,688 What's wrong with her? 549 00:48:51,788 --> 00:48:56,076 She's beautiful, she's rich. She's got huge 550 00:48:56,786 --> 00:48:58,203 tracts of land. 551 00:48:59,288 --> 00:49:04,167 I know, but I want the girl that I marry to have 552 00:49:05,127 --> 00:49:08,588 a certain special something. 553 00:49:09,382 --> 00:49:11,633 Cut that out! 554 00:49:12,969 --> 00:49:17,472 You're marrying Princess Lucky, so you'd better get used to the idea! 555 00:49:18,808 --> 00:49:19,958 Guards! 556 00:49:20,309 --> 00:49:23,554 Make sure the Prince doesn't leave the room until I get him. 557 00:49:23,654 --> 00:49:26,640 Not to leave the room, even if you come and get him. 558 00:49:26,740 --> 00:49:28,775 No. Until I come and get him. 559 00:49:29,110 --> 00:49:32,320 Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room. 560 00:49:32,446 --> 00:49:37,284 No, you stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave. 561 00:49:37,577 --> 00:49:40,070 - And you'll come and get him. - Right. 562 00:49:40,170 --> 00:49:43,832 We don't need to do anything, apart from stop him entering the room. 563 00:49:44,125 --> 00:49:47,252 - No. Leaving the room. - Leaving the room, yes. 564 00:49:47,503 --> 00:49:49,580 - All right? - Right. If... 565 00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:52,048 - lf we're... - Yes? 566 00:49:53,718 --> 00:49:55,919 Look, it's quite simple. 567 00:49:56,019 --> 00:50:00,223 You stay here and make sure he doesn't leave the room. 568 00:50:01,392 --> 00:50:03,518 - All right? - I remember. 569 00:50:03,686 --> 00:50:06,021 Can he leave the room with us? 570 00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:10,267 No, you just keep him in here, and make sure... 571 00:50:10,367 --> 00:50:12,644 Yes! We'll keep him in here, obviously. 572 00:50:12,744 --> 00:50:15,905 - But if he had to leave... - No. Keep him in here! 573 00:50:16,032 --> 00:50:18,742 - Until you, or anyone... - Not anyone, just me. 574 00:50:18,868 --> 00:50:21,202 - Just you... - Get back. 575 00:50:21,537 --> 00:50:22,571 - Right? - Right. 576 00:50:22,671 --> 00:50:24,615 We'll stay here until you get back. 577 00:50:24,715 --> 00:50:27,542 - And make sure he doesn't leave. - What? 578 00:50:28,878 --> 00:50:31,921 - Make sure he doesn't leave. - The Prince? 579 00:50:32,048 --> 00:50:35,334 - Yes, make sure he doesn't leave. - Yes, of course! 580 00:50:35,434 --> 00:50:37,085 I thought you meant him! 581 00:50:37,185 --> 00:50:40,847 It seemed a bit daft me having to guard him when he's a guard. 582 00:50:41,265 --> 00:50:44,059 - Is that clear? - Quite clear. No problems. 583 00:50:44,226 --> 00:50:45,376 Right. 584 00:50:47,521 --> 00:50:50,106 - Where are you going? - We're coming with you. 585 00:50:50,232 --> 00:50:54,361 No, I want you to stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave. 586 00:50:54,862 --> 00:50:56,071 I see, right. 587 00:50:56,906 --> 00:51:00,575 - But, Father... - Shut it, and get that suit on. 588 00:51:08,292 --> 00:51:10,251 And no singing! 589 00:51:10,628 --> 00:51:12,587 Go and get a glass of water. 590 00:52:01,303 --> 00:52:03,880 - Well taken, Concorde! - Thank you, sir, most kind. 591 00:52:03,980 --> 00:52:05,473 And again! 592 00:52:05,808 --> 00:52:08,885 Over we go! Good, steady! 593 00:52:08,985 --> 00:52:11,187 Now, the big one! 594 00:52:12,022 --> 00:52:14,065 Come on, Concorde! 595 00:52:15,192 --> 00:52:17,318 Message for you, sir. 596 00:52:19,864 --> 00:52:21,740 Concorde, speak to me! 597 00:52:31,417 --> 00:52:33,076 "To whoever finds this note. 598 00:52:33,176 --> 00:52:37,255 "I have been imprisoned by my father, 599 00:52:37,673 --> 00:52:40,250 "who wishes me to marry against my will. 600 00:52:40,350 --> 00:52:42,886 "Please, please come and rescue me. 601 00:52:43,387 --> 00:52:46,840 "I am in the tall tower of Swamp Castle." 602 00:52:46,940 --> 00:52:50,226 At last! A call! A cry of distress! 603 00:52:50,352 --> 00:52:53,513 This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Grail! 604 00:52:53,613 --> 00:52:58,193 Brave Concorde, you shall not have died in vain! 605 00:52:58,527 --> 00:53:00,236 I'm not quite dead, sir. 606 00:53:02,364 --> 00:53:04,941 You shall not have been mortally wounded in vain! 607 00:53:05,041 --> 00:53:07,368 I think I could pull through, sir. 608 00:53:08,370 --> 00:53:10,864 - I see. - I think I'm all right to come with you. 609 00:53:10,964 --> 00:53:12,699 No, sweet Concorde! Stay here. 610 00:53:12,799 --> 00:53:15,952 I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and 611 00:53:16,052 --> 00:53:18,797 heroic rescue in my own particular... 612 00:53:22,092 --> 00:53:23,885 - Idiom, sir? - Idiom! 613 00:53:24,053 --> 00:53:27,430 - No, I feel fine, actually, sir. - Farewell, sweet Concorde! 614 00:53:28,432 --> 00:53:31,601 I'll just stay here, shall I, sir? 615 00:53:33,646 --> 00:53:34,796 Yeah. 616 00:54:13,936 --> 00:54:15,270 - Morning. - Morning. 617 00:55:00,149 --> 00:55:01,299 Hey! 618 00:55:52,534 --> 00:55:54,869 You're not allowed to enter the room... 619 00:55:56,914 --> 00:55:59,908 Fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Lancelot of Camelot. 620 00:56:00,008 --> 00:56:03,920 - I have come to take... I'm terribly sorry. - You got my note! 621 00:56:04,254 --> 00:56:08,132 - I got a note. - You've come to rescue me? 622 00:56:08,550 --> 00:56:11,344 - Well, no, you see... - I knew someone would. 623 00:56:11,637 --> 00:56:16,265 I knew that somewhere out there, there must be someone... 624 00:56:17,059 --> 00:56:19,268 Stop that! Stop it! 625 00:56:20,813 --> 00:56:21,809 Who are you? 626 00:56:21,909 --> 00:56:23,515 - I'm your son. - No, not you. 627 00:56:23,615 --> 00:56:26,810 - I'm Sir Lancelot, sir. - He's come to rescue me, Father. 628 00:56:26,910 --> 00:56:31,114 - Let's not jump to conclusions. - Did you kill all those guards? 629 00:56:31,240 --> 00:56:33,024 Yes. Sorry. 630 00:56:33,124 --> 00:56:35,568 - They cost 50 pounds each. - I'm awfully sorry. 631 00:56:35,668 --> 00:56:39,747 Don't be afraid of him, Sir Lancelot. I've got a rope ready. 632 00:56:40,499 --> 00:56:42,875 You killed eight wedding guests and all! 633 00:56:43,043 --> 00:56:45,370 Well, you see, I thought your son was a lady. 634 00:56:45,470 --> 00:56:46,788 I can understand that. 635 00:56:46,888 --> 00:56:49,207 - Hurry, Sir Lancelot! Hurry! - Shut up! 636 00:56:49,307 --> 00:56:52,711 - You only killed the bride's father! - I didn't mean to. 637 00:56:52,811 --> 00:56:55,547 Didn't mean to? You put your sword through his head! 638 00:56:55,647 --> 00:56:58,633 - Oh dear, is he all right? - You kicked the bride in the chest! 639 00:56:58,733 --> 00:57:01,219 - It's going to cost me a fortune! - I can explain. 640 00:57:01,319 --> 00:57:05,098 I was in the forest, riding north from Camelot, when I got this note. 641 00:57:05,198 --> 00:57:07,817 - Are you from Camelot? - Hurry, Sir Lancelot! 642 00:57:07,943 --> 00:57:10,020 I'm a knight of King Arthur, sir. 643 00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:13,114 Very nice castle, Camelot. Very good pig country. 644 00:57:13,866 --> 00:57:16,901 - Is it? - I am ready! 645 00:57:17,001 --> 00:57:20,747 - Would you like to come have a drink? - That's awfully nice of you. 646 00:57:21,081 --> 00:57:24,242 - I am ready! - I mean, to be so understanding. 647 00:57:24,342 --> 00:57:28,254 You see, when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit carried away. 648 00:57:34,928 --> 00:57:38,381 Now, this is the main hall. We'll have all this knocked through... 649 00:57:38,481 --> 00:57:41,976 - There he is! - Bloody hell. 650 00:57:51,570 --> 00:57:55,315 - Hold it, please! - See what I mean? I get carried away. 651 00:57:55,415 --> 00:57:58,318 I'm really most awfully sorry. Sorry, everyone. 652 00:57:58,418 --> 00:57:59,827 He's killed the best man! 653 00:58:01,371 --> 00:58:05,867 Hold it, please, hold it. This is Sir Lancelot 654 00:58:05,967 --> 00:58:10,963 from the Court of Camelot, a brave and influential knight. 655 00:58:11,715 --> 00:58:14,584 - And my special guest here today. - Hello. 656 00:58:14,684 --> 00:58:16,302 He killed my auntie! 657 00:58:17,054 --> 00:58:21,682 No, please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! 658 00:58:21,809 --> 00:58:25,728 Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. 659 00:58:26,522 --> 00:58:31,025 We are here today to witness the union of two young people 660 00:58:31,151 --> 00:58:33,486 in the joyful bond of holy wedlock. 661 00:58:35,072 --> 00:58:38,866 Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, 662 00:58:39,660 --> 00:58:41,702 has just fallen to his death. 663 00:58:42,538 --> 00:58:46,040 But I don't want to think I've lost a son, so much as 664 00:58:46,542 --> 00:58:48,209 gained a daughter. 665 00:58:48,919 --> 00:58:52,163 For, since the tragic death of her father... 666 00:58:52,263 --> 00:58:54,382 He's not quite dead! 667 00:58:55,717 --> 00:58:58,761 Since the near fatal wounding of her father... 668 00:58:58,887 --> 00:59:00,638 He's getting better! 669 00:59:02,558 --> 00:59:05,893 For, since her own father 670 00:59:06,019 --> 00:59:09,355 who, when he seemed about to recover, 671 00:59:09,773 --> 00:59:13,234 suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him. 672 00:59:14,194 --> 00:59:15,361 He's died! 673 00:59:15,863 --> 00:59:19,482 I want his only daughter to look upon me 674 00:59:19,582 --> 00:59:24,078 as her own dad, in a very real, and legally binding sense. 675 00:59:25,914 --> 00:59:30,585 And I feel sure that the merger, the union between the Princess 676 00:59:31,295 --> 00:59:35,047 and the brave but dangerous Sir Lancelot of Camelot... 677 00:59:35,465 --> 00:59:38,593 - What? - Look, the dead Prince! 678 00:59:41,263 --> 00:59:44,765 - He's not quite dead! - I feel much better. 679 00:59:44,892 --> 00:59:47,768 You fell out of the tall tower, you creep! 680 00:59:48,061 --> 00:59:51,814 - No, I was saved at the last minute. - How? 681 00:59:52,107 --> 00:59:53,774 I'll tell you. 682 00:59:55,110 --> 00:59:57,612 Not like that! Not like that. 683 00:59:57,738 --> 01:00:01,449 ♪He's going to tell He's going to tell 684 01:00:05,829 --> 01:00:07,739 Quickly, sir, come this way! 685 01:00:07,839 --> 01:00:11,751 No, it's not right for my idiom. I must escape more... 686 01:00:13,629 --> 01:00:16,797 - Dramatically, sir? - Dramatically. 687 01:00:28,977 --> 01:00:31,771 Excuse me, could somebody give me a push, please? 688 01:00:47,537 --> 01:00:49,205 Old crone! 689 01:00:50,832 --> 01:00:54,335 Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery? 690 01:00:55,170 --> 01:00:58,673 - Who sent you? - The knights who say "Ni"! 691 01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:01,626 No! We have no shrubberies here. 692 01:01:01,726 --> 01:01:05,846 If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I 693 01:01:06,223 --> 01:01:07,515 will say... 694 01:01:08,684 --> 01:01:11,519 We will say "Ni." 695 01:01:12,145 --> 01:01:13,429 Do your worst! 696 01:01:13,529 --> 01:01:17,692 Very well. If you will not assist us voluntarily... 697 01:01:21,363 --> 01:01:22,530 - Ni! - No! 698 01:01:23,323 --> 01:01:25,574 Never. No shrubberies. 699 01:01:25,909 --> 01:01:27,660 - Ni! - Noo! 700 01:01:27,911 --> 01:01:30,204 No, it's not that, it's "Ni." 701 01:01:31,039 --> 01:01:33,416 No, you're not doing it properly. 702 01:01:33,542 --> 01:01:35,042 - Ni. - You've got it. 703 01:01:35,168 --> 01:01:38,121 - Ni! - Ni! 704 01:01:38,221 --> 01:01:41,340 Are you saying "Ni" to that old woman? 705 01:01:42,551 --> 01:01:43,626 Yes. 706 01:01:43,726 --> 01:01:48,639 What sad times are these when passing ruffians can say "Ni" at will to old ladies. 707 01:01:49,224 --> 01:01:52,393 There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. 708 01:01:52,728 --> 01:01:56,514 Even those who arrange shrubberies are under considerable economic stress 709 01:01:56,614 --> 01:01:58,607 at this period in history. 710 01:01:58,734 --> 01:02:01,402 - Did you say "shrubberies"? - Yes. 711 01:02:01,528 --> 01:02:04,522 Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. 712 01:02:04,622 --> 01:02:09,243 My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies. 713 01:02:10,037 --> 01:02:12,246 - Ni! - No! 714 01:02:13,248 --> 01:02:16,159 Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. 715 01:02:16,259 --> 01:02:18,586 - May we go? - It is a good shrubbery. 716 01:02:18,795 --> 01:02:23,132 I like the laurels particularly. But there is one small problem. 717 01:02:23,717 --> 01:02:24,867 What is that? 718 01:02:24,934 --> 01:02:29,263 We are now no longer the knights who say "Ni." 719 01:02:30,223 --> 01:02:32,175 We are now the knights who say, 720 01:02:32,275 --> 01:02:35,770 "Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing"! 721 01:02:36,688 --> 01:02:38,806 Therefore, we must give you a test. 722 01:02:38,906 --> 01:02:42,485 What is this test, knights who until recently said "Ni"? 723 01:02:43,236 --> 01:02:45,404 Firstly, you must find 724 01:02:46,114 --> 01:02:47,823 another shrubbery! 725 01:02:48,992 --> 01:02:51,452 Not another shrubbery! 726 01:02:51,578 --> 01:02:55,289 Then you must bring it here beside this shrubbery. 727 01:02:55,499 --> 01:02:59,035 Higher, so you get the two-level effect with a path going down the middle. 728 01:02:59,135 --> 01:03:01,170 A path! A path! 729 01:03:01,296 --> 01:03:04,423 Then, when you have found the shrubberies, 730 01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:08,094 you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest 731 01:03:08,804 --> 01:03:11,972 with a herring! 732 01:03:13,266 --> 01:03:15,935 - We shall do no such thing. - Please. 733 01:03:16,311 --> 01:03:19,480 Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done. 734 01:03:21,191 --> 01:03:23,059 - Don't say that word. - What word? 735 01:03:23,159 --> 01:03:25,152 I cannot tell. Suffice to say, 736 01:03:25,278 --> 01:03:27,939 it's one of the words the knights of Ni cannot hear. 737 01:03:28,039 --> 01:03:30,942 How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is? 738 01:03:31,042 --> 01:03:33,160 - He did it again. - What? "Is"? 739 01:03:33,578 --> 01:03:37,782 No, not "is"! You wouldn't get very far in life not saying "is." 740 01:03:37,882 --> 01:03:39,375 My liege, it's Robin. 741 01:03:39,501 --> 01:03:43,879 ♪He's jacking it in and packing it up And sneaking away and buggering off 742 01:03:44,005 --> 01:03:48,584 ♪And chickening out and pissing a pot Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge 743 01:03:48,684 --> 01:03:49,919 - Robin. - My liege. 744 01:03:50,019 --> 01:03:51,587 - It's good to see you. - Now he's said the word! 745 01:03:51,687 --> 01:03:54,257 You haven't given up your quest for the Holy Grail? 746 01:03:54,357 --> 01:03:55,675 He is sneaking away and... 747 01:03:55,775 --> 01:03:56,925 Shut up! 748 01:03:57,352 --> 01:03:59,846 - No, far from it. - You said the word again. 749 01:03:59,946 --> 01:04:04,525 I was looking for it here in this forest. 750 01:04:04,693 --> 01:04:09,029 - No, it is far from this place. - Stop saying the word! 751 01:04:09,156 --> 01:04:11,615 - The word we cannot hear! - Stop it! 752 01:04:11,783 --> 01:04:13,776 - He said "it" again! - That's it! 753 01:04:13,876 --> 01:04:16,871 I've said "it." I've said "it." I've said "it" again! 754 01:04:17,074 --> 01:04:19,206 And there again, that's three "its"! 755 01:04:25,380 --> 01:04:29,876 And so Arthur and Bedevere and Sir Robin set out on their search to find 756 01:04:29,976 --> 01:04:33,888 the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in Scene 24. 757 01:04:35,390 --> 01:04:38,225 Beyond the forest they met Lancelot and Galahad, 758 01:04:38,351 --> 01:04:40,728 and there was much rejoicing. 759 01:04:52,240 --> 01:04:54,484 In the frozen land of Nador, 760 01:04:54,584 --> 01:04:57,369 they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels. 761 01:04:58,038 --> 01:05:00,289 And there was much rejoicing. 762 01:05:01,917 --> 01:05:03,584 A year passed. 763 01:05:07,422 --> 01:05:09,882 Winter changed into spring. 764 01:05:10,425 --> 01:05:12,551 Spring changed into summer. 765 01:05:13,094 --> 01:05:15,505 Summer changed back into winter, 766 01:05:15,605 --> 01:05:20,142 and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn. 767 01:05:21,436 --> 01:05:22,686 Until one day. 768 01:05:44,918 --> 01:05:46,252 Knights, 769 01:05:47,462 --> 01:05:48,754 forward! 770 01:06:25,792 --> 01:06:28,369 What manner of man are you that can summon up fire 771 01:06:28,469 --> 01:06:32,881 - without flint or tinder? - I am an enchanter. 772 01:06:35,927 --> 01:06:39,763 - By what name are you known? - There are some who call me... 773 01:06:41,850 --> 01:06:44,518 - Tim. - Greetings, Tim the enchanter! 774 01:06:44,644 --> 01:06:47,021 Greetings, King Arthur. 775 01:06:47,856 --> 01:06:49,523 - You know my name? - I do. 776 01:06:57,532 --> 01:07:00,284 You seek the Holy Grail. 777 01:07:00,869 --> 01:07:03,946 That is our quest. You know much that is hidden, Tim. 778 01:07:04,046 --> 01:07:05,289 Quite. 779 01:07:13,548 --> 01:07:15,966 Yes, we are looking for the Holy Grail. 780 01:07:16,217 --> 01:07:20,137 - Our quest is to find the Holy Grail. - Yes, it is. 781 01:07:23,350 --> 01:07:26,560 - And so we're looking for it. - Yes, we are. 782 01:07:26,686 --> 01:07:29,521 - We have been for some time. - Ages. 783 01:07:32,150 --> 01:07:36,570 So, anything you could do to help would be 784 01:07:39,032 --> 01:07:40,182 very 785 01:07:41,409 --> 01:07:44,244 - helpful. - Look, can you tell us where... 786 01:07:48,083 --> 01:07:51,085 Fine, I don't want to waste any more of your time, 787 01:07:51,211 --> 01:07:55,089 but I don't suppose you could tell us where we might find a... 788 01:07:58,218 --> 01:07:59,843 A what? 789 01:08:02,013 --> 01:08:03,589 A grail? 790 01:08:03,689 --> 01:08:05,849 Yes, I think so. 791 01:08:06,393 --> 01:08:07,543 Yes. 792 01:08:08,603 --> 01:08:09,770 Yes! 793 01:08:11,940 --> 01:08:14,775 - Thank you. - Splendid! 794 01:08:18,613 --> 01:08:21,190 Look, you're a busy man... 795 01:08:21,290 --> 01:08:25,953 Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail. 796 01:08:26,413 --> 01:08:31,200 To the north, there lies a cave. The Cave of Caerbannog. 797 01:08:31,300 --> 01:08:35,629 Wherein, carved in mystic runes, upon the very living rock, 798 01:08:36,089 --> 01:08:39,425 the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged 799 01:08:41,553 --> 01:08:46,473 make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail. 800 01:08:47,392 --> 01:08:50,477 - Where could we find this cave, Tim? - Follow! 801 01:08:51,980 --> 01:08:56,066 But follow only if ye be men of valor. 802 01:08:56,484 --> 01:08:59,945 For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature 803 01:09:00,447 --> 01:09:03,657 so foul, so cruel, 804 01:09:03,783 --> 01:09:06,994 that no man yet has fought with it and lived. 805 01:09:08,580 --> 01:09:13,584 Bones of full 50 men lie strewn about its lair. 806 01:09:14,127 --> 01:09:18,505 So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage 807 01:09:19,007 --> 01:09:21,842 or your strength, come no further, 808 01:09:22,177 --> 01:09:27,139 for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth. 809 01:09:29,601 --> 01:09:31,477 What an eccentric performance! 810 01:09:45,033 --> 01:09:46,442 They're nervous, sire. 811 01:09:46,542 --> 01:09:49,111 Then we'd best leave them here and carry on, on foot. 812 01:09:49,211 --> 01:09:50,704 Dismount! 813 01:10:03,843 --> 01:10:07,846 Behold the Cave of Caerbannog! 814 01:10:10,266 --> 01:10:13,393 - Right, keep me covered. - What with? 815 01:10:14,145 --> 01:10:16,522 - Just keep me covered. - Too late. 816 01:10:17,857 --> 01:10:19,024 There he is! 817 01:10:22,111 --> 01:10:24,279 - Where? - There. 818 01:10:25,323 --> 01:10:28,367 - What, behind the rabbit? - It is the rabbit. 819 01:10:30,495 --> 01:10:32,947 - You silly sod! - What? 820 01:10:33,047 --> 01:10:34,490 You got us all worked up. 821 01:10:34,590 --> 01:10:36,283 That's no ordinary rabbit. 822 01:10:36,383 --> 01:10:41,338 That's the most foul, cruel and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on. 823 01:10:41,506 --> 01:10:45,133 You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared! 824 01:10:45,260 --> 01:10:48,754 Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide. 825 01:10:48,854 --> 01:10:50,840 - It's a killer! - Get stuffed. 826 01:10:50,940 --> 01:10:53,259 - He'll do you up a treat, mate! - Yeah? 827 01:10:53,359 --> 01:10:55,886 - You manky Scots git! - I'm warning you. 828 01:10:55,986 --> 01:10:59,648 - What's he do? Nibble your bum? - He's got huge, sharp... 829 01:11:00,692 --> 01:11:02,442 It can leap about... 830 01:11:02,902 --> 01:11:06,321 - Look at the bones! - Go on, Bors, chop its head off. 831 01:11:06,447 --> 01:11:10,158 Right. Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew coming right up. 832 01:11:12,537 --> 01:11:13,996 Look! 833 01:11:16,875 --> 01:11:20,035 - Jesus Christ! - I warned you! 834 01:11:20,135 --> 01:11:22,204 - I've done it again. - I warned you. 835 01:11:22,304 --> 01:11:25,632 But did you listen to me? No, you knew it all, didn't you? 836 01:11:25,800 --> 01:11:30,337 It's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. 837 01:11:30,437 --> 01:11:33,056 - I always... - Shut up! 838 01:11:34,517 --> 01:11:36,351 Charge! 839 01:11:53,036 --> 01:11:55,495 Run away! 840 01:12:04,881 --> 01:12:06,916 - How many did we lose? - Gawain. 841 01:12:07,016 --> 01:12:09,043 - Ector. - And Bors. That's five. 842 01:12:09,143 --> 01:12:11,094 - Three. - Three. 843 01:12:11,471 --> 01:12:15,132 We better not risk another frontal assault, that rabbit's dynamite. 844 01:12:15,232 --> 01:12:17,843 Would it help to confuse it if we run away more? 845 01:12:17,943 --> 01:12:21,305 - Shut up and change your armor. - Let us taunt it. 846 01:12:21,405 --> 01:12:24,183 It may become so cross that it will make a mistake. 847 01:12:24,283 --> 01:12:25,433 Like what? 848 01:12:26,694 --> 01:12:27,844 Well... 849 01:12:30,907 --> 01:12:32,858 - Have we got bows? - No. 850 01:12:32,958 --> 01:12:35,319 - We have the Holy Hand Grenade. - Yes, of course! 851 01:12:35,419 --> 01:12:37,154 The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. 852 01:12:37,254 --> 01:12:40,074 It's one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries. 853 01:12:40,174 --> 01:12:43,251 Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade. 854 01:13:14,742 --> 01:13:16,034 How does it... 855 01:13:16,744 --> 01:13:17,903 How does it work? 856 01:13:18,003 --> 01:13:20,823 - I know not, my liege. - Consult the Book of Armaments. 857 01:13:20,923 --> 01:13:24,710 Armaments 2: 9-21. 858 01:13:28,047 --> 01:13:31,967 "And St. Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 859 01:13:32,677 --> 01:13:36,797 "'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest 860 01:13:36,897 --> 01:13:40,559 "'blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' 861 01:13:41,227 --> 01:13:44,304 "And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon 862 01:13:44,404 --> 01:13:49,359 "the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans 863 01:13:49,902 --> 01:13:52,312 "and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and..." 864 01:13:52,412 --> 01:13:53,905 Skip a bit, Brother. 865 01:13:55,700 --> 01:14:00,454 "The Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, 866 01:14:01,289 --> 01:14:05,709 "'then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. 867 01:14:06,627 --> 01:14:09,288 "'Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, 868 01:14:09,388 --> 01:14:12,382 "'and the number of the counting shalt be three. 869 01:14:12,967 --> 01:14:16,595 "'Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, 870 01:14:17,138 --> 01:14:19,806 "'excepting that thou then proceed to three. 871 01:14:21,142 --> 01:14:23,477 "'Five is right out. 872 01:14:24,645 --> 01:14:28,148 "'Once the number three, being the third number be reached, 873 01:14:28,566 --> 01:14:31,818 "'then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch 874 01:14:31,944 --> 01:14:35,655 "'towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, 875 01:14:36,324 --> 01:14:37,991 "'shall snuff it."' 876 01:14:38,659 --> 01:14:41,070 Amen. 877 01:14:41,170 --> 01:14:42,320 Right. 878 01:14:42,914 --> 01:14:45,157 One, two, five! 879 01:14:45,257 --> 01:14:47,125 - Three, sir! - Three! 880 01:15:33,089 --> 01:15:34,589 There! Look! 881 01:15:35,508 --> 01:15:37,876 - What does it say? - What language is that? 882 01:15:37,976 --> 01:15:40,220 Brother Maynard, you're our scholar. 883 01:15:40,388 --> 01:15:41,930 It is Aramaic! 884 01:15:42,265 --> 01:15:45,142 Of course. Joseph of Arimathea! 885 01:15:45,476 --> 01:15:47,561 - Of course. - What does it say? 886 01:15:47,687 --> 01:15:51,014 It reads, "Here may be found 887 01:15:51,114 --> 01:15:54,734 "the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. 888 01:15:55,444 --> 01:15:58,697 "'He who is valiant and pure of spirit 889 01:15:59,490 --> 01:16:01,700 "'may find the Holy Grail 890 01:16:02,034 --> 01:16:06,329 "'in the Castle of Aaargh."' 891 01:16:08,249 --> 01:16:09,416 What? 892 01:16:10,168 --> 01:16:14,004 "The Castle of Aaargh." 893 01:16:14,672 --> 01:16:15,922 What is that? 894 01:16:16,465 --> 01:16:18,667 He must have died while carving it. 895 01:16:18,767 --> 01:16:21,595 - Come on! - That's what it says. 896 01:16:21,721 --> 01:16:25,307 Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve "Aaargh." 897 01:16:25,516 --> 01:16:28,935 - He'd just say it. - That's what's carved in the rock. 898 01:16:29,312 --> 01:16:31,305 - Perhaps he was dictating it. - Shut up! 899 01:16:31,405 --> 01:16:33,682 - Does it say anything else? - No! 900 01:16:33,782 --> 01:16:37,027 Just "Aaargh." 901 01:16:38,988 --> 01:16:41,398 Aaargh. 902 01:16:41,498 --> 01:16:45,235 Do you suppose he meant the Camargue? 903 01:16:45,335 --> 01:16:47,321 - Where's that? - In France, I think. 904 01:16:47,421 --> 01:16:52,209 - Isn't there a St. Aaargh's in Cornwall? - No, that's St. Ives. 905 01:16:52,501 --> 01:16:54,669 St. Ives. 906 01:16:56,839 --> 01:16:59,374 No, "Aaargh." At the back of the throat. 907 01:16:59,474 --> 01:17:02,594 No, "Ooh," in surprise and alarm! 908 01:17:02,845 --> 01:17:05,597 - You mean a sort of an "Ah!" - Yes, that's right. 909 01:17:07,308 --> 01:17:08,458 My God! 910 01:17:11,145 --> 01:17:13,813 It's the legendary Black Beast of... 911 01:17:16,108 --> 01:17:19,069 That's it! Run away! 912 01:17:28,829 --> 01:17:30,330 Keep running. 913 01:17:35,127 --> 01:17:36,419 We've lost him. 914 01:17:38,214 --> 01:17:40,966 As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, 915 01:17:41,676 --> 01:17:44,461 escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless. 916 01:17:44,561 --> 01:17:48,556 When, suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack. 917 01:17:48,891 --> 01:17:51,476 The cartoon peril was no more. 918 01:17:52,270 --> 01:17:55,146 The quest for the Holy Grail could continue. 919 01:18:07,285 --> 01:18:08,910 There it is! 920 01:18:09,161 --> 01:18:13,373 - The Bridge of Death. - Great. 921 01:18:13,541 --> 01:18:16,493 Look! There's the old man from Scene 24. 922 01:18:16,593 --> 01:18:20,338 - What's he doing here? - He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. 923 01:18:20,840 --> 01:18:23,166 He asks each traveler five questions. 924 01:18:23,266 --> 01:18:25,210 - Three questions. - Three questions. 925 01:18:25,310 --> 01:18:28,880 - He who answers the five questions... - Three questions. 926 01:18:28,980 --> 01:18:33,427 ...three questions, may cross in safety. - What if you get a question wrong? 927 01:18:33,527 --> 01:18:37,022 Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. 928 01:18:37,273 --> 01:18:40,442 - Oh, wacko. - Who's going to answer the questions? 929 01:18:40,568 --> 01:18:43,403 Brave Sir Robin, you go. 930 01:18:44,155 --> 01:18:46,156 I've got a great idea. 931 01:18:46,782 --> 01:18:48,317 Why doesn't Lancelot go? 932 01:18:48,417 --> 01:18:51,153 Yes, let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. 933 01:18:51,253 --> 01:18:54,914 - I shall make a feint to the northeast... - Hang on! 934 01:18:55,124 --> 01:18:57,743 - Just answer the five questions... - Three questions. 935 01:18:57,843 --> 01:19:01,838 ...three questions, as best you can. And we shall watch and pray. 936 01:19:02,048 --> 01:19:03,882 I understand, my liege. 937 01:19:04,133 --> 01:19:07,761 Good luck, brave Sir Lancelot. God be with you. 938 01:19:12,224 --> 01:19:13,374 Stop! 939 01:19:14,852 --> 01:19:19,481 Who would cross the Bridge of Death, must answer me these questions three. 940 01:19:19,648 --> 01:19:21,858 Ere the other side he see. 941 01:19:22,068 --> 01:19:25,070 Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid. 942 01:19:25,321 --> 01:19:29,240 - What is your name? - My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot. 943 01:19:29,992 --> 01:19:31,743 What is your quest? 944 01:19:31,994 --> 01:19:34,037 To seek the Holy Grail. 945 01:19:34,538 --> 01:19:36,664 What is your favorite color? 946 01:19:37,124 --> 01:19:39,376 - Blue. - Right. Off you go. 947 01:19:40,836 --> 01:19:42,754 Well, thank you very much. 948 01:19:47,218 --> 01:19:48,426 That's easy. 949 01:19:51,472 --> 01:19:52,622 Stop! 950 01:19:53,265 --> 01:19:57,936 Who approacheth the Bridge of Death, must answer me these questions three. 951 01:19:58,312 --> 01:20:00,522 Ere the other side he see. 952 01:20:01,357 --> 01:20:04,101 Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid. 953 01:20:04,201 --> 01:20:07,821 - What is your name? - Sir Robin of Camelot. 954 01:20:08,280 --> 01:20:11,408 - What is your quest? - To seek the Holy Grail. 955 01:20:11,742 --> 01:20:13,868 What is the capital of Assyria? 956 01:20:16,705 --> 01:20:17,997 I don't know that! 957 01:20:26,757 --> 01:20:27,907 Stop! 958 01:20:28,759 --> 01:20:32,303 - What is your name? - Sir Galahad of Camelot. 959 01:20:32,513 --> 01:20:35,932 - What is your quest? - I seek the Grail. 960 01:20:36,851 --> 01:20:39,936 - What is your favorite color? - Blue. 961 01:20:40,771 --> 01:20:41,921 No! Yellow! 962 01:20:49,280 --> 01:20:50,430 Stop! 963 01:20:50,531 --> 01:20:54,617 - What is your name? - It is Arthur, King of the Britons. 964 01:20:55,035 --> 01:20:58,705 - What is your quest? - To seek the Holy Grail. 965 01:20:59,540 --> 01:21:02,876 What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? 966 01:21:03,669 --> 01:21:06,546 What do you mean? An African or European swallow? 967 01:21:07,548 --> 01:21:09,048 I don't know that! 968 01:21:15,347 --> 01:21:17,724 How do you know so much about swallows? 969 01:21:17,850 --> 01:21:20,518 You have to know these things when you're a king. 970 01:22:00,692 --> 01:22:02,570 Lancelot! 971 01:22:03,486 --> 01:22:04,899 Lancelot! 972 01:22:06,380 --> 01:22:07,723 Lancelot! 973 01:22:08,026 --> 01:22:09,176 Lancelot! 974 01:22:10,933 --> 01:22:13,349 - Lancelot! - Lancelot! 975 01:24:08,729 --> 01:24:13,066 The Castle "Aaargh". Our quest is at an end. 976 01:24:31,752 --> 01:24:33,336 God be praised. 977 01:24:36,924 --> 01:24:38,333 Almighty God, 978 01:24:38,433 --> 01:24:42,345 we thank thee, that thou hast vouchsafed to us the most holy... 979 01:24:44,431 --> 01:24:46,557 Jesus Christ! 980 01:24:47,768 --> 01:24:50,011 Hello, stuffy English knights 981 01:24:50,111 --> 01:24:53,014 and Monsieur Arthur King, who has the brain of a duck, you know. 982 01:24:53,114 --> 01:24:56,142 So, we French fellows outwit you a second time. 983 01:24:56,242 --> 01:24:59,237 How dare you profane this place with your presence? 984 01:24:59,780 --> 01:25:03,700 I command you, in the name of the knights of Camelot, 985 01:25:03,951 --> 01:25:06,911 to open the doors of this sacred castle, 986 01:25:07,121 --> 01:25:10,581 to which God himself has guided us. 987 01:25:10,791 --> 01:25:15,795 How you English say? One more time, I unclog my nose in your direction, 988 01:25:16,088 --> 01:25:17,539 sons of a window-dresser! 989 01:25:17,639 --> 01:25:20,208 So, you think you could out-clever us French folk 990 01:25:20,308 --> 01:25:23,878 with your silly knees-bent, running about, advancing behavior. 991 01:25:23,978 --> 01:25:26,764 I wave my private parts at your aunties. 992 01:25:27,057 --> 01:25:31,636 You cheesy lot of second-hand, electric donkey-bottom biters! 993 01:25:31,736 --> 01:25:33,813 In the name of the Lord, 994 01:25:33,939 --> 01:25:37,650 we demand entrance to this sacred castle! 995 01:25:37,776 --> 01:25:40,562 No chance, English bed-wetting types. 996 01:25:40,662 --> 01:25:44,899 I burst my pimples at you, and call your door-opening request a silly thing! 997 01:25:44,999 --> 01:25:48,403 You tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms. 998 01:25:48,503 --> 01:25:52,165 If you'll not open this door, we shall take this castle by force! 999 01:25:54,001 --> 01:25:56,502 In the name of God and the glory of our... 1000 01:25:58,172 --> 01:26:00,673 Right! That settles it! 1001 01:26:01,508 --> 01:26:04,586 Depart at this time, and don't be approaching any more, 1002 01:26:04,686 --> 01:26:09,424 or we fire arrows into your heads, and make castanets out of your testicles. 1003 01:26:09,524 --> 01:26:11,092 Walk away, just ignore them. 1004 01:26:11,192 --> 01:26:15,146 And now remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! 1005 01:26:15,272 --> 01:26:19,934 And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard 1006 01:26:20,034 --> 01:26:23,529 nothing yet, stuffy English knights! 1007 01:26:45,385 --> 01:26:48,513 - We shall attack at once. - Yes, my liege. 1008 01:26:48,680 --> 01:26:50,556 Stand by for attack! 1009 01:27:50,200 --> 01:27:51,617 French persons! 1010 01:27:52,536 --> 01:27:56,289 Today the blood of many a valiant knight shall be avenged. 1011 01:27:56,874 --> 01:28:00,201 In the name of God, we shall not stop our fight 1012 01:28:00,301 --> 01:28:05,089 till each one of you lies dead, and the Holy Grail 1013 01:28:05,215 --> 01:28:08,801 returns to those whom God has chosen. 1014 01:28:10,262 --> 01:28:13,264 Charge! 1015 01:28:38,916 --> 01:28:41,334 Yes, they're the ones, I'm sure. 1016 01:28:47,007 --> 01:28:49,634 - Come on. - Put this man in the van. 1017 01:28:53,513 --> 01:28:56,349 - Put him in the van. - Get a blanket over that one. 10Ex/}dXQI0R ,H}ηY]zvl7kZKO7p!|xq% n>oOے΄hizg+]OL(e9d 4g" ;,i4໌#KTց<%8kK|`u2h|&άr.S}KXc9zJ52GXgz꬚5ckpbJ)W̰gSzOHM\^.Nx%fRDqbg)Ϭ%oѫNǰRnrJq:SZlV-]T&pv$#t