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I... I really don't need to wear one.
What?
Yeah. I tested negative, and, um...
I've got this unbelievable control.
Ahem. Excuse me.
Excuse me. Up, up, up.
What? Something wrong?
No. No, that was great.
I had a really nice night.
Did-Did I miss something?
Nope, nothing. You didn't miss anything.
Nothing.
Look...
I'll-I'll- I'll wear one.
I'll happily wear one.
But I just gotta tell you right now it's...
it's just... it's not going to be as good.
It's not going to be as...
I feel like I know you.
I feel like I can be honest with you.
Yeah. Um... you should really ignore all those feelings.
Can I call you?
No.
Is that a real no or a...
No, you should consider that a...
hard no.
Hey, Ma, do me a favor.
Don't ever fix me up again.
I'm sitting
Sitting in a boat all day
I been thinkin'
Thinkin' what I might say
I been lookin'
Over the top of that hill
And I been battlin'
Battlin' with my will
I got somethin' to say to you
Yeah, I got something I want you to show me how to do
'Cause I'm hungry, Lord
The lake is full
Show me how to catch a fish
I don't know what happened.
Somewhere along the way, I screwed up.
Either in high school or college
or my early twenties.
I mean, you know, I really thought, hey, this is a snap.
I like men. Men like me.
But then somewhere in the last year or so,
I just... I've just gotten so screwed up.
This might not make any sense to you, Darce.
I mean, you've been married
since you got out of college.
I was born married, baby.
But I think I'm finally coming to realize
I like being single, you know?
Love being self-sufficient.
And I truly believe
that this is my nature, you know?
So what I'm going to do is
I'm just taking myself out of the game.
Put my mother out of her misery,
put me out of my misery.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Sorry. Let me understand this.
So if Sam asked you out-
Darcy! Shh!
You would just say, "No, Sam."
What are you doing? He works here!
Do you want him to hear you?
Sam. Sam.
Shut up.
Sam. Sam.
Shut up. Shut up.
Oh, hit me. Hit me. I love it, Sam.
Oh, God. You are unbelievable.
Okay, kids.
Gulden's mustard has traditionally been the number two mustard in America.
What the Gulden's people are looking for is increased sampling.
They're convinced that if they can get people to try their product,
they'll keep on using it.
Three other agencies in addition to ours
have been invited to participate in the review.
The pitch is on Friday...
and we don't leave this room until we're solid on a concept.
You have a good night now.
Yeah, you, too.
Ahem. Um...
Didn't Cindy Crawford graduate second in her class?
Did Cindy Crawford graduate?
I think she did. Second in her class.
In biochemistry, I think.
Excuse me?
Please. My friend- my colleague-is having an epiphany.
Oh.
Okay.
Um, I'll...
I'll, uh, I'll give you the print first.
Um, okay. Big picture of Cindy Crawford.
Already this is good.
The headline reads "If you never gave number two a try,
think what you'd be missing."
In comes a picture of Cindy,
and beneath that, a little log line that says,
"Cindy Crawford graduated second from Podunk University,
a B.S. In biochemistry."
Then on the facing page, a beauty shot of Gulden's mustard.
And beneath that in big letters,
"Gulden's mustard. Number two, and that ain't bad."
That was impressive.
I have to tell you.
I could hardly keep my legs together.
You were so...
Darce?
I want that.
Well, we all want that.
No, I mean I want that. You know what I mean?
I want a billboard in the middle of Times Square, okay?
I want... I want a commercial
in the middle of the Academy Awards,
and I want a 10-page layout in Vanity Fair.
And that's... that's what I want.
Yeah, me, too.
God, we're shallow.
Argh!
Ha ha ha!
I am making money
I am loaded
Well, your day is coming soon.
They're going to give you an account of your own
and a window and some new furniture.
My furniture. I like old furniture.
Anyway, let me tell you why I'm really here.
Oh, I know why you're here.
I've been going over my expense report,
and, uh, I want to let you know,
in case anyone from accounting should ask,
that I had dinner with you on the ninth, on the 11th,
a humdinger on the 23rd,
and a light lunch yesterday, okay?
You know, I think I would really feel a lot better about this
if we actually did have dinner onetime.
I can't have dinner with you, Kate.
You know that.
I do?
Yes. Of course you do.
Do I know why?
Yes, you know why. We both know why.
You're simply... too nice.
I think you're mistaken about that, Sam.
I'm not.
I can be a bad girl, Sam.
Not bad enough for me, Kate.
Oh, really?
Truly.
Uh!
Yes.
Okay.
All right. All right. Let's get down to business-
The business of servicing this multimillion-dollar account.
Our account executive in charge-
Darcy O'Neil.
Yes!
Whoo!
My girl!
And our creative team is going to be headed up
by my good friend Sela here.
She has asked-She has asked for Dominic, Nancy, and Jim to assist.
Kate. Kate.
Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude.
I just want to get my resume Xeroxed
before all this healthy rage wears off.
Kate.
Kate? Look, Kate.
Look, I brought you to this agency, and I'm glad I did.
I know you conceived that campaign.
Let me talk to Mercer. In fact, I'll get us a meeting
where the both of us could talk to him.
Kate, I'm going to talk to him. I am.
You have that wedding this weekend, right?
Yeah.
Okay, then. Just do me a favor
and please let me try and make this right.
Enjoy the weekend.
I'll see you bright and early on Monday, okay?
Sure.
You see that one at Libby's station?
She's marrying a chiropodist.
God's no fool.
He gave her bad feet for a reason.
No. You know, maybe that's my problem.
Maybe I'm just too damned healthy.
I'm serious. I bet there's an ob-gyn out there
who's just waiting for me to come walking into his office, you know?
That would explain all those damn yeast infections,
don't you think?
Don't be a smart ass, and watch your mouth.
This is a place of business.
You know who I met at the supermarket the other day?
Who?
Mark Mclntyre. Whatever happened with him, hmm?
He's gay, Ma.
So?
Oh.
Well, what are you making faces?
You think I don't know I sound neurotic?
I know. I can hear myself.
I'd like a grandchild.
So...
Shoot me.
All right, Ma. Well, you'll be happy to know
I'm looking into getting some eggs frozen.
Wonderful. I can tell everyone I'm having a grandsicle, hmm?
Ha ha! Oh, come on, now. That was good.
Well, it was cute. It was definitely clever.
Okay. Any idea what we're planning up here with these rollers?
Well, for once I want your hair out of your eyes.
I want your eyes and your ears open at this wedding.
A wedding is a wonderful place to meet new people.
As the power vested in me by the state of New York,
I now pronounce you, Sajit, and you, Susan, as man and wife.
You may kiss the bride, please.
K.C. & The Sunshine Band: Do a little dance
Make a little love
Get down tonight
Do a little dance
Make a little love
Get down tonight
Get down, get down, get down, get down
Get down tonight, baby
Woowoowoowoo woowoowoowoo
Get down, get down, get down, get down
Get down tonight, baby
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Oh. Hi.
Hi.
Hello. How are you?
Hello.
Woman Over P A: Hello, everybody.
Thank you all for coming and for being a part of
this very special wedding celebration.
Sajit and I really wanted today to be unique.
One new thing.
Uh, in the center of each table,
you'll find a Polaroid camera and boxes of film.
They're there because we want all of you
to be our wedding photographers.
Feel free to keep any pictures you want or give them to us
or to other guests.
Whoo!
That's the idea.
Dion: Yeah, I should have known it from the very start
This girl will leave me with a broken heart
Now listen people what I'm telling you
A- keep away from a Runaround Sue
Yeah, I miss her lips and the smile on her face
The touch of her hair and this girl's warm embrace
So if you don't wanna cry like I do
A- keep away from a Runaround Sue
Whoa...
Susan's single friend Kate?
Excuse me?
I'm sorry. I'm Nick.
I'm looking for Susan's single friend Kate.
They told me they thought she came out here.
Yeah. That's me.
Can I help you?
Don't you think that's, uh, kind of strange
that she only has one friend?
Ahem. Okay. Uh... basically what I'm doing
is, uh, putting together a video testimonial for Susan and Sajit.
Just, you know, all their friends
wishing them the best of everything,
eternal bliss, truckloads of happiness, et cetera, et cetera.
Do you do this for a living?
Videotape weddings? Yeah.
Bar mitzvahs, too.
But, uh, in this case it's kind of strange
because I'm also Sajit's best friend,
so I'm sort of a working guest.
You know, pulling double duty.
Mm-hmm.
All right. You're on.
Oh. Wow. That was fast.
Um, okay.
Hi, Susan. Hi, Sajit.
Uh, congratulations.
Just have a great time. Call me when you get back, and, um...
Oh, and if you see a really big gift,
really expensive gift with no card,
it's mine.
My gift to you.
Okay. Um, that's all.
So have a wonderful time, and I'll see you when you get back.
Bye.
Okay. Can... Can you cut it now?
Cut it.
What?
Cut it.
Oh. I'm sorry.
You've done this before, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Whoo!
Well, so, uh, I gotta get back inside.
The bunny hop's coming up, and I have to shoot that.
Okay.
It's contractual.
All right.
Kate? Nick.
Good to meet you, Nick.
You bunny hop?
No.
All right. I'll see you later.
You're horny, huh?
Yeah, I hear you.
Yeah!
Yes!
Okay!
All you single women...
come on out here and try to catch the bouquet!
You going to go out there?
Uh-uh. I've been married once. No, thanks.
Okay.
Get out there. Come on. Yes, yes, yes. It'll be fun. Go.
Ahem.
Okay. Just give me the damn thing.
Oh, no, no.
Captain And Tennille: Love will keep us together
Think of me, babe, whenever
Some sweet-talking girl comes along
Singing a song
Don't mess around, you just gotta be strong
Just stop
'Cause I really love you
Stop
I've been thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together
He's cute.
So here's the deal.
Mercer? Yeah, he likes you,
but he's got a real point of view about your career path.
So just, you know, let him get that out of the way,
and then-
All right. Just relax.
Trust me.
I'm a little nervous.
Hi.
- Hi. - Hi, Mr. Mercer.
Thanks for taking time to speak with me.
Not a problem. Not a problem.
We're meeting some clients for lunch downstairs in about 20 minutes,
so I'm going to get right to the point here, Katherine.
Uh, Kate.
Kate. Uh, you know, I think you're doing a hell of a job for us, Kate.
And I'm sorry if your role at the agency isn't all you hoped it would be,
but, uh, you know, I suspect in time-
What if I don't want to wait?
Hey. It's me.
I mean, I think I'm good at what I do.
Obviously the clients agree.
I mean, otherwise we wouldn't be landing all these accounts.
Um, let me tell you a little story, okay?
When I started out in advertising-
We're talking the early seventies here.
The long beard, long hair, and all that stuff.
And like you, I felt that my talents and my hard work weren't being appreciated.
Anyway, I finally get my 10 minutes with the boss,
and he says to me, "Alan, in business we dress for the job we want,
not the job we have. Do you really want to be the janitor? '
What do you want to be, Kate?
I don't understand.
Well, look at Darcy here.
Now, you two are the same age, but Darcy owns a home-
a home that, in my opinion, she can't really afford-
and that pleases me no end
because I know she's showing up for work tomorrow.
And this guy,
I co-signed the loan on his Mercedes.
Happy to do it.
He's not going anywhere.
Sela here...
Oh, yeah. I've got it all:
The husband, the house,
and the car we can't afford.
Which brings us to you.
Now, unlike anyone else who works for me,
you're the only person I know who lives like they're still in college.
I mean, you're, uh, you know, you're as free as a bird,
which is fine...
for you.
But I'm not about to encourage you to develop
a relationship with one of my largest clients
when I know there's nothing keeping you from picking up
and going to work for one of my competitors
and maybe taking my big client with you.
Ahem.
Anybody care for a drink?
Shit. Shit.
Shit! Shit! The world's shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit.
Oh, God. Ma'am, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I...
Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God. Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Well, Mercer told me to tell you, "Welcome to the team."
What team?
Uh, team Gulden's. The Gulden's team.
But I don't have a husband, and I don't have a mortgage,
and I don't have a car manufactured by a goddamn Nazi.
Oh, jeez, wait a second.
You mean you're not engaged to this guy?
Oh, what are you talking about?
Darcy, what did you do?
What did you do? What did you do?!
Me? Nothing much.
I just got you 150 more a week and a new job title.
You lied?!
Darcy, I earned that promotion!
I deserved that promotion.
Boy, are you in the wrong profession.
We're in advertising, Kate. I didn't lie. I sold.
Oh, God, I got to sit down.
I told him you were too proud to mention it yourself.
They all said they want to meet him, of course.
Oh, great. Oh, my God.
That's my first chest pain. That's my first official chest pain.
Oh, relax.
I mean, they don't really. And by the way, if anyone asks,
he lives in Boston, and he flies in every Friday on the shuttle.
Oh, Darcy!
Well, he has to. You're house hunting.
House hunting? I'm not even married to the guy yet.
You will be... in March. You wanted a spring wedding.
And also, I figure it gives you 9 months
until you have to break it off.
And who knows? I could throw you a little shower.
You could score some pretty nice gifts.
God, I can't believe you did this to me. To me, your friend.
Well, excuse me for changing your life.
I didn't do it to you, I did it for you.
And only because I knew you'd never work up the courage
to do it for yourself.
Courage? To what? To lie?
What about my work? What about my talent?
What about my...
What about your integrity?
Your Girl Scout code of ethics?
What?
Kate, you are a director of creative affairs at Mercer Advertising.
I told a little fib to get you the gig.
So what?
That doesn't change the fact that you deserve it.
Oh, by the way,
there's a reception for the Gulden's people tomorrow night,
and Mercer asked me to ask you to be there.
He also asked me if you owned any nice dresses
he hadn't already seen at work.
What does that mean?
It means buy a new dress, Kate.
What?
Hey, hey, hey! Congratulations!
Congratulations, congratulations!
Oh, thank you. Yeah, thank you.
Hey, Jesus Christ, Kate. You know, you're breaking my heart.
I never even got my shot.
Oh, come on. You're married.
I would have left her for you. You know that.
So what does he do?
Um... videos.
What do you mean? Like, music videos?
Yeah, sure. Sometimes there's music in them.
Really?
Wow. So happy for you.
I'm happier.
Thank you. That's very nice, you guys.
Okay, I'll see you later. I'm a little late.
Videos. Crap.
I give them two years.
18 months, tops.
Now, it's a fruitful acre...
Got to cross the mighty river
And you got to get along
And I'm singing
Oh, I got to keep from goin' down
Oh, though I don't know where I'm bound
It's too late to turn back around
Hey!
Ah! Wow!
Have my baby?
Okay. Something happened, though, between the store and here.
I really- I had more dress.
Believe me, the part that's left looks amazing.
Really? Oh, good.
Well... cheers.
Oh, thank you.
Have fun. You look beautiful.
Thank you. So do you.
Mingle. Mingle.
I will. Whoop. Big mustard right behind you.
Bye.
Oh...
Jim Davenport, Katherine Mosley.
Miss Mosley.
Hello.
Saw you walking across the room in that fabulous dress.
I asked Alan and Sela who you were.
They tell me you're the author of this wonderful catch phrase
we'll be using in our new campaign.
Oh, well. Now, we work as a team,
and Sela is actually our team leader.
I'm just, you know...
Tell her yours.
Jim's come up with an idea for another campaign,
something we can use down the road.
Great.
Well, just imagine a big bowl of mustard...
Gulden's mustard...
and a model... a beautiful model.
And she's behind the bowl of mustard...
and I don't know if she has to be nude or not.
I mean, maybe she wouldn't actually have to be nude,
but because of the way the bowl is in the picture
and given the parts of the model you would actually see,
she would appear to be nude.
We'll leave the technical stuff to you.
Anyway, you've got this model and a bowl of mustard,
and in big letters across the top of the picture
are just the words, "Spread this."
I mean...
What do you think?
Um...
I like it...
because it has so many meanings.
Yeah. I mean, can't you just see it?
In dorm rooms, posters, on bumper stickers...
Yeah, I sure- I sure can.
Ha ha!
Oh, I mean, you know...
I hear something like that,
and I actually... I actually have a physical reaction.
I mean, you know,
how often can you say that nowadays, you know?
Not very damn often!
Nope!
Excuse me, please. Pleasure to meet you.
Well...
She is terrific!
So, what's different?
It's... It's the dress, I'm telling you.
No, it's not just the dress. It's something else.
It's...
I don't know. Success?
Or... it's like some part of you that I've never seen before.
Aren't we going to get in trouble...
I mean, leaving the party like we did?
Oh, nobody's ever going to notice. Are you kidding?
The big guys are all hammered anyway.
The working stiffs will be leaving soon
to catch the 9:31 to Syosset.
Ha ha!
I like you.
Um...
Okay.
Oh, oh. This isn't me.
I don't normally do this. I don't know...
I don't know if it's the wine, maybe, or if it's the beer,
or it's...
Me?
Maybe.
So, uh... so tell me about this guy.
Huh?
The guy.
You know, the guy in the picture.
I know all about him.
You are a bad girl.
Hi, Mom? It's me.
It's Kate.
No. I just wanted to call you for a change.
Look...
- Whispering? - I'm not whispering.
Nice work. Good.
In here.
Si.
Nice view.
Hi there.
Bad time?
No.
Um... guys, could I just have one minute, please?
Thank you.
So I woke up this morning, and you were gone,
and it occurred to me that I may have done
a really shitty thing here.
What do you mean?
Well, I knew that you were involved with this other person. Uh...
Nick. Yeah.
I'm supposed to be your friend here.
I feel-I feel responsible.
Listen, Sam... I mean, don't beat yourself up
about this whole thing, you know?
I mean, I'm a big girl.
I know.
You know?
So what are we going to do?
- About? - Nick.
Oh.
Yeah. Um... I don't know. I don't know.
What do you think we should do?
Well, a lot of people would tell you
to be honest, confess everything.
I've had a lot of experience with this.
I think that's just cruel.
I mean, what good is going to come of it?
You're only going to hurt someone's feelings.
You can't take the moment back.
It's not like you can turn back the clock.
And it's... It's not like it's ever going to happen again.
Really?
I mean, yeah. No.
Yes, I know. No.
Right.
So maybe the less Nick knows, the better.
Yeah, yeah. I would-I think I would be of that mind. Mm-hmm.
Good.
- Yeah. Great. - Great.
- Good. - Great.
Great.
Have you ever been to a tennis tournament?
'Cause I got these two tickets this weekend.
I mean, purely as a friend thing, if you wanted to...
Well, that's...
That's very sweet, Sam,
and I would love to, as a friend thing,
but, uh, you see, the thing is...
Nick's coming into town this weekend.
Right, right, right.
Right, okay.
Right.
Hey.
Yeah.
Nick's a lucky guy.
You think so?
I do.
Oh...
God.
Oh! Ma! Jesus F-ing Christ!
I did not go through 3 hours of labor-
not to mention 81/2 years with your father-
Why do you do this to me?
So that I could spend my days worrying...
Can't I just put my stuff down?
Whether my daughter was lying in some ditch somewhere or something worse!
Ditch?! Mom, listen to yourself!
There are no goddamn ditches in New York!
Don't you raise your voice to me, young lady!
You want all the neighbors to hear?
My neighbors, Mother. This is my apartment. What are you doing here?
Let me ask you a question.
No! You answer my question!
Do I look stupid to you?
Stup-what? What is that supposed to mean, Ma?
"Hi, Mom. It's me, Kate.
I just thought I'd call you this morning for a change."
Check your answering machine.
The moment we hung up, I called you back.
You weren't here. 7 times I tried. 7 times, young lady!
So what? No TV for a week?
Then I phoned the office,
but apparently Miss Big Shot
was too busy to call her mother back!
Okay, you know what, though? I'm here now, and I'm fine.
Well, I'm not!
And I want to know where you were this morning!
I have a right to know!
No, you do not have a right!
You have no right, Mother!
I am 28 years old!
Don't give me that. I'm 54. I'm gonna be dead soon!
Oh, God!
Where are you going?
To kill myself!
No, no. Not until you tell me
where you were this morning. No.
All right, Mom. I was with a man.
I was with a really beautiful man...
who, up until last night,
never even noticed me.
And then all of a sudden he wanted to be with me,
and I really wanted to be with him...
so we slept together.
We had sex, Mommy, you know?
The really dirty kind.
And I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mommy...
But that's where I was.
Oh, Kate.
Now, that's enough of that, hmm?
Tell me the truth now.
Oh, God.
Mmm.
And you know, the thing that really kills me
is she loved the lie so much better than she liked the truth.
I mean, even when I had to fudge a little bit, you know?
"So, uh, what does he do? '
"Well, he owns his own business."
"Well, can I meet him this weekend? '
"Nope. We're going ring shopping in Boston."
Oh! Ring shopping.
Yeah.
Oh, you're really getting the hang of this.
I know. Well, it gets easier once you realize
that's what everybody wants you to do.
Hi. Could I have the number for Midtown Flowers, please?
What are you doing?
Ha ha! Thank you.
Okay. "Press one to connect this call."
Yes, hi. I need to send a huge bouquet
to Katherine Mosley at Mercer Advertising Agency. 555-96...
Donna Summer: Bad girl
Backup Singers: Bad girl
Talkin' 'bout bad, bad girls
Yeah
Bad girl
You bad girl
You're such a dirty bad girl
Beep beep
Uh-huh
Hey, mister
Beep beep
Have you got a dime?
Beep beep
Mister
Beep beep
Do you want to spend some time
Oh, yeah
Beep beep
Toot toot
Hey, mister
Beep beep
I'll spend some time with you
Beep beep
Can you...
Hey, get your hands off my stems.
I've been waiting years to use that line.
So, what's the occasion?
Oh, come on, Sam. You're smarter than that.
You know there's only two reasons why a man sends a woman flowers.
I love it when I can learn something new.
Well, either they've let you down,
or they're about to.
Nick?
Mm-hmm.
Nothing fatal, I hope.
No. He just has to work this weekend.
Ambition.
I hate that in a man.
Now, I'm quiet
Quiet as a mouse could be
But inside my head
It's louder than a cavalry
And I'm patient
Patient as a clock
It is to feel the way
When you're countin' every tick and tock
Show me how to catch a fish
Show
Thanks for walking me up here, Sam.
No problem.
Oh, God, I really had fun.
I did. I-you, uh...
You really took my mind off Nick.
Aw, come on. We both know there is no Nick.
There certainly is a Nick.
Not here. Not now.
What are you doing?
This is called mounting an offensive.
Okay. Come on.
Now, we know nobody's gonna be mounting anybody around here.
You're right. You're right. Right. I'm sorry.
All right?
Can I just come in for a glass of water?
No.
Well, can I come in and pee?
You just said you wanted a glass of water.
Oh, what can I say?
The thought of drinking water makes me have to pee.
Come on.
Sam, we have had this conversation, okay?
I'm engaged to be married.
We made this mistake once.
I cannot do it again. I can't.
You know, I mean, God. You know I like you. I can't deny that.
But my heart belongs to Nick.
Okay?
Okay.
Thank you.
Okay.
Good night.
Oh, there's steps, there's steps, there's steps.
It's over here. Over here. Bedroom.
Wow! Is this place rent controlled?
Ah!
God, you can't stay, Sam.
Nick's gonna call.
I can be quiet.
I can be really, really quiet.
The door. I think you left the door open.
No problem.
Oh, I don't know, Sam. It just feels wrong, you know?
It just feels really, really wrong.
Ah!
Well, good.
'Cause that's the feeling...
that you feel...
right before...
it feels incredible.
You know,
normally this would be about the time that I'd leave.
Most of the women I get involved with
are either married or have a boyfriend.
It's always seemed to work pretty well for me.
You know, the thing with that is
that you always kind of feel them looking past you,
trying to steal a glimpse of the clock
or listening for a voice on the answering machine.
But you...
I don't know.
It's like, even though you're engaged,
when you're with me,
I really feel like you're with me, you know?
You know what the scary thing is?
I actually kind of like it.
Are you asleep?
Fabulous.
My reputation remains intact.
Now, let me see if I've got your story straight.
It's Sunday night, you're videotaping an out-of-town wedding,
when suddenly a fire alarm goes off.
Everyone's evacuating, but as you leave,
you hear what sounds like a child crying.
You find a 6-year-old girl by the vending machines.
Now, you realize you're about to be engulfed by flames.
So you take a chair. You smash it through the window.
With no firemen, no nets below,
you grab this little girl and jump backwards out the window.
Now, why backwards?
Second I was hoping my body would break her fall.
What are you thinking at that point?
Well, honestly, I was thinking I should get back inside,
'Cause the bunny hop was coming up...
Aah!
Well, you must-
What? What's up?
I mean, if an awning broke my fall from 3 floors up.
And the little girl?
Oh, she's fine. There's not a scratch on her.
Hey, isn't that your guy? Isn't that Nick?
Uh-huh.
Huh. Well, I guess we know why he never called.
All right, Nick.
Thank you very much for joining us this morning.
Hey, Kate, I saw your boyfriend on TV this morning.
Hey, hey, how about that?
Also, your mother's called 4 times already.
Ah, I bet she has.
Oh, well, look at the bright side.
At least he didn't make the New York Times.
Yeah, right. What the hell are we going to do?
You okay?
Uh-huh.
Is he okay?
Yeah.
Of course he's okay. He's on television.
You know, I was just talking to Davenport over at Gulden's,
and when I told him that this guy was your guy, well...
We'd like to take you two kids out to dinner,
just the 6 of us.
You got a cough, Darcy? The 8 of us.
Uh, Mr. Mercer, the thing is,
he lives in Massachusetts.
Well, I'm not talking about tonight.
You know, this weekend or early next week.
It would really mean the world to Davenport.
Ah...
Thank you for calling Times Of Your Life Video.
This is Nick. I'm not here to take your call right now,
but if you tell this machine who you are and how to reach you,
I promise to call you back.
Hi. This is Kate Mosley.
We met at Susan and Sajit's wedding.
I'm the girl who caught- No. Wait.
I was actually handed the bouquet, remember?
Anyway, I got your number from Susan,
and I was wondering if I could buy you a cup of coffee.
You name the place. I'll come to you.
I'd appreciate it if you'd call me back either way.
Bye.
Hey, how are you?
Good job.
That was really wonderful.
Great job.
Thank you very much.
Hi.
Wow! They really love you around here, huh?
Oh, yeah. My public thing.
Uh-huh.
Thank you.
Thanks, Lois.
Um...
I've done a really- I've done a really horrible thing.
Wha-you know, I find that hard to believe.
Well, um...
See, a friend of mine found a picture
of the two of us from the wedding, you know,
and basically led a lot of people to believe
that you and I were basically...
What?
Uh, engaged, actually.
Yeah. And, uh, I didn't really do or say much
to let them think otherwise.
What do you think so far?
Uh... so far?
Uh, I-I'm flattered, I think.
Okay, well, see, it was going well, for a while, you know,
and, uh, then you went and you got famous on me.
I'd, uh... Oh, God. Oh, God.
Wow. This is-
This is just so embarrassing and humiliating.
What, uh, what did you come here to ask me?
All right.
All right, it's a proposition, actually.
I will pay you $ 1,000 if you will come to New York City
and have dinner with me and some people that I work with.
I'll buy you a plane ticket,
I'll buy you a suit if you need one.
I don't want you to feel like a thing.
I mean, think of it as, like, a paid vacation.
You can stay with me.
You know, you can't work with that cast, right? And...
Okay, so this is the plan.
Two-thirds of the way through the dinner, you would pick a fight with me.
And we would have, like, a quarrel, right?
And everybody would watch us break up.
You would never have to see me again.
And, you know, there it is.
Wow. That really sounds like something
right out of The Patty Duke Show, doesn't it? Ha ha.
Oh.
You want to pay me to have dinner with you?
Yeah.
Uh...
I, uh...
I don't, you know, I don't want your money.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's... That's a no, right?
See, the thing is,
I was, uh, thinking of coming to New York, you know...
and, uh, you know, I was gonna get your number from Susan
and, uh, ask you if you wanted to have dinner with me.
So, yes. You, uh... Figure out what night is best for you
because I'm pretty flexible, you know?
So if you want to bring a friend or people you work with,
that's up to you,
and it's good we ran into each other again like this.
So think about what I said, and I'll give you a call tomorrow. Okay?
Oh, uh, by the way...
I do own a suit.
Of course you do.
And when I get that feeling
See you.
Tony, I'll see you tonight.
I can no longer run
I don't know
And when I get that feeling
Ma, your color looks so beautiful.
Never mind that.
What I don't understand is...
He can come all the way to New York
just to meet the people you work with,
but he can't find an hour
to visit with his future mother-in-law.
Mom, he's busy, okay? He's really busy.
It's just gonna have to be another trip, you know, another time.
Are you lying to me?
I embarrass you.
Oh, Mom...
Is that it?
Mom, no, no.
In fact, you know what?
I'm afraid he's gonna come here,
take one look at you, and say to himself,
"What the hell am I doing marrying the junior version
when the real thing is still available? '
I don't believe a word of that,
but I appreciate the effort.
But he won't.
The key here that you're missing is
that the only mustard he uses is Gulden's.
Yeah, that's it. That's it.
Hi. Uh, yeah, okay, so will you call-
I got to go, but will you call me when you find him?
Thank you very much.
Ha! Hey!
Hi!
Hi! You're here.
I'm supposed to meet you at my apartment two hours from now.
Yeah. I got an earlier bus.
Oh, did you? Oh... oh.
Yeah. It's good to see you-
I'm sorry, I didn't know we were on the clock yet.
Okay, just grab my ass, kiss my neck, and pull me into the office, okay?
Y- uh, y-yeah.
Yes, sir.
Whoo! Ha ha ha!
Je-sus!
What is the world coming to?
Okay, so what I told people is that we met in college,
but we were just friends
and that we re-met at this reunion thing, like, 5 years later.
It was sort of like,
I don't know, that's when the fire really got ignited, you know?
I kind of like that. We meet. We meet again.
That makes it more, I don't know... believable.
I wouldn't know.
You went to college, right?
Yeah. Several.
Hmm.
Well, if anybody asks, just say you went to Boston University,
because that's where I went, and everybody knows that.
Maybe we should say business.
I majored in business.
I mean, I told everybody you own your own business,
you know, the video thing,
but I kind of fudged about the wedding part.
Maybe we should just let them think it's music videos.
It's more glamorous and all that sort of stuff, anyway.
Oh, you don't mind that, do you?
Actually, you know, I do mind, 'cause-
Oh! And I had really long hair.
In college I had really long hair.
And I was about 20 or so pounds heavier.
But that's good. That'll be good. You know why?
Because you can say it was the weight thing
that kind of turned your head around.
That'll be good.
Okay, now, this is the bathroom,
and I'll get you some towels and stuff,
and I'll let you know which is yours.
And then this is the couch.
This is where you'll be sleeping.
And I'll get you some comfy pillows
and some blankets and sort of, you know-
it should be nice-
Oop, sorry. Just a minute.
Hello?
Can you, uh, hold on a second?
Uh, Nick, I'll be right back.
Ha! I cannot believe you are saying that.
Okay, all right. Look, I'll do it. Okay?
But I cannot stay long.
All right?
Okay. Bye.
Is everything okay?
Um, yeah, I, uh- Something just came up at work.
I've got to meet a colleague for a drink, but I shouldn't be long.
Hey! Is this your mother?
Uh, I don't know what you're looking at.
How about this picture of a beautiful woman
that looks just like you but older.
Is that your mother?
Ha ha ha!
Yes.
That would be Mom.
She's pretty.
Whoo! Wow.
Thanks.
Okay, well, I shouldn't be long, Nick.
An hour, tops.
Uh, I mean I wouldn't even go,
I mean, I know it's your first night in a strange city.
He just sounded so panicked.
He?
Oh! I have something for you.
Oh.
If you could look at this while I'm gone,
that would be great.
Yeah. What is it?
Well, it's sort of a study guide, actually.
It's, you know, our life together.
My hobbies, my ex-boyfriends,
uh, what happened to me during the 5 years we were apart,
our reunion, things I've said to people about you...
Wow! You've really put a lot of work into this.
Yeah.
Well, it's my life.
Sort of.
Okay, and then there's this.
Oh, hey, the, uh...
Yeah, this is the fight that we're gonna have tomorrow night.
Um, so I sort of- I wrote it out like a play, so...
Okay. "Look, I'm sorry, Kate, but I can no longer accept that-"
This is me, right?
Yeah.
"I'm sorry, Kate, but I can no longer
"accept the time and energy you put into your work.
"There has to be something left for me.
Every minute of every day can't be about Mercer Advertising."
Yeah. Right.
So, you know, it doesn't have to be verbatim, basically.
I mean, you can put it into your own words.
Oh, oh, yeah. I think I will.
Great. No, but as long as you get the basic point across,
you know, like you've had it.
I'm always at work, my mind is always on my work.
So I thought that would be sort of a nice touch,
if our breakup sort of reaffirmed my commitment to the firm.
Well, yeah. That sounds smart.
Okay, great, so I'll be at this place called Man Ray.
It's in the phone book if you need me,
but I really-I should just be an hour.
Oh... thanks, Nick,
for coming down here and doing this.
I'm really embarrassed.
I mean, I've been babbling for what, like, two hours now?
Oh, come on, Sam. Don't be embarrassed.
I don't usually react this way.
You were kissing your fiancé.
It's a perfectly normal thing for you to be doing.
I don't know why it had such an effect on me.
It's okay, Sam, it's really okay.
But you know what? I did tell him an hour-
How did he do it?
What? Do what?
Propose. I mean, did he get down on one knee?
What did he say?
Oh...
Oh, God. I'm sorry.
Why? For what?
Well, for the other night.
And the other... other night.
Kate.
Yeah?
If I had known you first...
would it have made a difference?
Sam...
Okay. I got to tell you something.
Okay?
It has to do with me and, uh, Nick-
Somebody mention my name?
Oh, my God! Hi!
Hi!
Nick-oop.
Unh-
Mmm.
That's, uh, that's a kiss from college.
Boston University thing. Ha!
Uh, Nick, this is Sam Mayfair.
We work together at Mercer.
And, uh...
This is, uh, this is my Nick.
Wow.
Your Nick.
And you're Nick.
That's your Nick.
I may have had a little too much to drink.
I'm her Sam.
It certainly is an honor to have met you, Nick.
I mean, you know, you've been the topic
of a lot of conversation and speculation around here.
I'm very sorry that I monopolized your fiance’s evening,
but I've just come to realize that she's...
Damn it. She's just the kind of girl
you'd like to monopolize, you know?
Oh!
Is everything okay in there?
Ha ha ha!
What? Is that guy- Is he your boyfriend?
Oh, him? No.
No. He's just a friend.
Oh.
Sleeps over sometimes,
but he's just a friend.
Aha.
Roger.
Mike.
Ivan.
Sure is a lot of boyfriends in here.
Yeah. So?
Going somewhere with that?
No. No, no, no.
Not me.
Just, uh, your life's a real page-turner. That's all.
Mmm.
Oh! There's something I forgot to ask you.
How come there's nothing in the book about your father?
Well... nothing really to talk about.
I mean, he and my mother split when I was 7,
and I didn't see him again for 10 years and then, uh...
and then he passed away.
I'm sorry.
Don't be. I mean...
I really barely remember the guy.
He had a pair of plaid pajamas.
Ohh...
Oh, and I remember, um, one night after work...
He took me to the department store,
just-just him and me,
and, um, he bought me my first watch.
It was one of those Cinderella watches, you know, um...
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Mm-hmm.
And, um, I remember thinking to myself,
this is really special.
If I'd known he was going to leave,
I would have taken a little better care of the thing, you know...
hung on to it.
Huh. It's weird, the things you remember.
Okay, my birthday?
April 3, 1968.
Okay, you can leave out the year.
First job?
You were a junior copywriter,
but you were promoted to full copywriter in 5 short months.
Career ambition?
Total world domination. Do you want to get some breakfast?
No. There's no time.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah.
Don't you, uh, don't you need to learn about me?
What do you mean?
Well, you know, I'm really boning up here about you.
I mean, don't you think you should learn a little about me?
Yeah, but, Nick, you're forgetting. This isn't about you.
I mean, not the real you.
This is about the you that I made up.
Oh, you know what I need to learn?
What?
How do you take your coffee?
Light, Sweet 'N Low. Why?
Well, you know, that's just stuff I should know cold at dinnertime.
When people are involved, they know that stuff.
Oh, right. No, you're right.
You got a favorite drink?
I mean, 'cause I don't want to have to ask in front of everybody.
Dirty Martini.
Okay.
Well, what about you?
What about me?
I mean, I think I should at least know how you take your coffee.
Well, I'm confused. You don't know?
I mean, didn't you make me up?
All right.
Black, one sugar.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay, first dates for 20.
Monet exhibit, Museum of Modern Art, September 1995.
Pets for 40.
She had this cat named Jerry till she was 15.
I didn't know her then, but I keep threatening to get her a new cat.
Mm-hmm. Final Jeopardy. Personal imperfections.
She has the cutest little appendix scar,
and of course there's her birthmark that-
Oh, honey, I wasn't supposed to mention that. I'm sorry.
All right.
Then there's her glass eye and her artificial hip
and her wooden leg.
Good evening.
Hi.
Want a seat?
Sure. Go ahead.
Mr. Mercer: I mean, as I sit here,
the thing I see when I look at the two of you,
the thing that moves me is your unconditional love.
Hear, hear.
Thank you.
That means so much to us, especially coming from you.
I mean, you're married, and you really know.
Yeah.
Except for you, Darcy. You've only been married 5 years.
Well, that's only dog-ears.
But the Mercers and the Davenports that really, um...
Well, actually, Elizabeth and I have been married,
what, honey, 4 years?
4 years. Second marriage for both of us.
I'm cuter than his ex-wife, though. Ha ha!
Second one for me, too,
but you only get married for the second time once.
Mrs. Mercer: Jackie...
Ohh...
My third.
Wow. Then you guys really know what you're talking about.
Yeah.
Mrs. Mercer: We do.
Ha ha ha.
So, Nick, tell me about videos.
Well, uh, what would you like to know?
Well, um, how did you get into that line of work?
I mean, I watch them all the time.
A lot of smoke, a lot of half-naked girls.
Well, it seems like a decent way to make a living.
Huh. Really?
Those aren't really the kind of videos I do.
Oh, I don't understand. They all seem pretty much the same.
What-What kind do you do?
I videotape weddings.
Oh. Well, that- That is different.
Um, well, how did you get into that?
Uh, I was looking for a job
that would require me to work as few days a week as possible,
and your midweek wedding is a pretty unusual occurrence.
You can actually make a living that way?
Videotaping a wedding or two on the weekends?
I mean, that satisfies you?
No.
But once I started videotaping people's weddings,
they would, you know, come up to me for other things.
You know, "My wife's having a baby shower. Could you videotape that? '
Or "Hey, my daughter's getting baptized. Could you come on by? '
Or "My kid's got the lead in the school play. You got to be there."
I was working 6, 7 days a week, and I loved it.
I can't explain it really.
Something about watching a baby being welcomed to the world by its new family
or a kid getting his first at bat in a little league game.
I don't know.
It's, uh...
It's an honor.
It's an honor that these people asked me to be there for those moments...
and I get paid for it.
I'd like to propose one last toast...
to our new friend Nick...
definitely someone I'd like to have in my lifeboat.
Hear, hear.
Cheers.
Thank you.
What do you say, honey?
Don't be afraid to dive right in.
Whoo.
Ahem.
I suddenly realized
that I haven't told you how beautiful you look tonight.
Oh, Nick, come on. Don't waste that stuff.
Nobody's here. They can't hear you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Do you want to dance? Maybe we should dance.
Yeah, yeah.
So how do you think it's going?
Um, fine, I guess.
But you know if one of us doesn't start this fight pretty soon,
um, everybody's going to miss it.
Right.
I was, uh... I was thinking.
What if, um, what if I didn't pick a fight with you tonight?
You know, what if we finished our meal with these people and...
And what?
Um, I don't know.
You know, I...
You know, I could come down on weekends.
I could get to know you better.
Ahem.
You could always break up with me...
down the road, you know?
Mm-hmm.
Sorry if I'm making your life more complicated, Kate, okay?
But I find you so attractive.
Okay, stop! Don't! Listen, don't say that.
Come on. See, that is why I wanted to pay you.
Okay. No, you're right. I'm sorry.
I can't believe I'm apologizing for liking you.
Is it this other guy? This guy that's not your boyfriend?
Shh! Leave him out of this, all right?
We had a deal. That's all.
Then why isn't he your boyfriend, Kate?
If you like him so much and he likes you,
then why isn't he your boyfriend?
Because, technically, I'm unavailable
because, technically, you are my boyfriend, okay?
Oh. So let me get this straight.
You're sleeping with a guy who, technically, you can't go out with,
but you won't even consider just dating me,
who, technically, you're going to marry and have kids with.
Okay, look. Listen, I don't want to date you. I don't want to marry you.
I don't want to have kids with you. I just want to break up with you.
Please, that's why we're here. Okay?
So please can we just stick to the plan?
Please.
See you Wednesday, all right?
Mrs. Davenport: Good night.
Well, sorry, kids, but we're out of here.
No, no, no, you can't leave yet.
I know, I know, I sense that something big is in the air,
but I've got to get up early.
We've got a meeting with a marriage counselor.
Nick, um, pleasure meeting you,
and you are everything Kate said you would be.
Good night.
Good night!
Mrs. Mercer: Good night.
Good night.
Mrs. Mercer: Oh, I love her.
Jackie, she turned me on to a great pilates teacher.
Very ambitious.
Honestly.
This has been such a wonderful evening.
Thank you. Thanks.
Yes, it has been. It really has been.
Mr. Davenport: Well, um, one for the road?
My! Honey! Are you-excuse me.
This is so weird, I-
Come on!
Everything all right under there?
Ooh! Yeah!
I just, uh, kicked myself in the shin.
He's always-He's always doing that.
He just has this weird tic thing that...
Spasm.
Oh, honey, you know what? By the way,
don't bother flying in next weekend.
I mean, I really need to spend Saturday and Sunday
figuring out the new media buys
for the next round of Gulden's tests.
Oh. Hey.
If you got to work, you got to work, right?
I mean, how often does somebody our age get the opportunity
that Kate has?
There's a team player right there.
You guys, team-shmeam.
Oh, you know what else, though?
About your parents' 35th anniversary party?
Mmm?
I don't think I can commit to the date, honey.
I'm sorry. I just can't.
I don't know where we're going to be with Gulden's at that point.
Don't worry about it. I'm sure Mom and Dad will understand.
You can see them on their 36th anniversary.
Darling, you know what else on that other issue?
I've decided no babies until I put in a good 10 years at the agency.
I mean, I think I owe Mr. Mercer that.
You know, I had a hunch.
So that's why next weekend-
when you're working, of course-
I'm going to look into that surrogate mother thing
we talked about, okay?
I mean, a man's got to do what a man's got to do, you know?
Excuse me just for a second, 'cause I'll be right back.
Excuse me.
Hurry back, honey.
Oh, don't worry. I will.
Okay.
Excuse me, I was wondering-Could you dial a phone number for me?
Certainly, Mademoiselle.
But I mean, even then, you know, with all that, I still just knew.
My God, she was 20 pounds heavier.
I mean, that's hard to imagine.
Yeah, it is, huh? Hey, there she is.
Here I am.
Have a nice little chat with yourself?
Yes, I certainly did.
I think it's in your purse.
Ha! It's ours.
Hello?
Yes. Hold, please.
It's for you. It's her.
Who her? What?
Oh, come on, Nick. This is humiliating enough.
Would you just take the phone?
Hello?
There's nobody there, Kate.
Well, no, not now there isn't. No!
Darling?
I thought that was over. I thought she was out of your life.
I can't believe you.
I can't believe this. I'm sorry. This is-Oh, God!
Well, maybe the rest of us should go to the bar for a few moments.
No, no, no!
We-We-We can go to the bar, please!
We can go to the bar.
Honey, why don't we go to the bar where we can talk about this?
No. You go to the bar, Nick! You go to the bar,
because that's where people go when they want to meet people
other than their wives and their fiancées, isn't it?
And besides, you know what? We have nothing to talk about
because we had an agreement and you broke it!
And I don't think I like you very much anymore!
Mrs. Mercer: You're doing the right thing, honey.
Put your foot down now.
Thank you.
So I have a mistress.
You mean you admit it?
Yes.
I admit it.
Okay.
Yeah, I admit it. I'm not ashamed of it, okay?
And you know why I have a mistress?
Because she has a mistress, too.
She's gay?
What are you saying?
- You want to know what I'm saying? - Yeah!
I'll tell you what I'm saying!
I can no longer play sloppy seconds to you and your job!
You are so in love with Mercer Advertising!
It's all you do! It's all you think about! It's all you talk about!
Son, I want you to lower your voice and sit down.
Excuse me!
Do either of you know what it's like to always be number two
in the eyes of the woman you love?
I do.
Now I know how Gulden's feels.
Katie, I can no longer compete with this man and his company,
and I want out!
What! What! No, no, Nick!
Nick, no. You can't do this.
Young man, this is not the time and not the place.
Excuse me! I don't want to marry you, Kate!
Do you understand? I don't want to marry you!
It's over! You hear me! I don't want to marry you anymore.
Not today! Not tomorrow!
Let me tell you something.
You may be a hero, but you're no gentleman.
Come on, Katie. Dinner's over. Let's get out of here.
Okay.
You know, it's one thing to cheat after a few years of marriage,
but while you're still single?!
Shame on you!
Don't bother looking back. He is out of your life.
Come on.
Hey, how's your leg?
Think I'll live.
Yeah?
Sorry. I got a little carried away in there.
So I guess now, um...
Now your life's perfect, huh?
Well, uh...
Yeah, actually.
That's great. Really, that's great.
I never met anyone in my life that knew what they wanted more than you do.
Is that a compliment?
Yes, it's a compliment. Definitely a compliment.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
That Sam's a lucky guy.
Make sure you tell him I said so, okay?
Aren't you supposed to be with your boyfriend?
How in God's name did you get rid of him?
Oh, it was awful, so awful.
We had this huge fight in front of everybody.
But it's okay. It's over. We ended it.
What?
Well, I hope you didn't do this for me.
No.
Egomaniac, I did it for me.
Now, why are you over there and I'm over here?
I just think you should take a breath and think this through.
I mean, what you had with Nick was really special.
Really? You think so, huh?
Hmm.
You know what, Sam?
You're just always going to be that guy at the restaurant
who, when he gets what he ordered,
always wishes he got what the guy next to him did.
Oh, wait, wait. Come on, what are you doing?
Please don't leave mad.
No, I should just leave.
What are you talking about?
Come here, let me make you a nice cup of coffee.
You don't even know how I take my coffee.
Well, you'll tell me, and then I'll know.
No. Come on! No! Will you just let me out of here?
Hold on, this one sticks.
God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
That was fast.
Sorry.
Jesus!
What happened, Kate? Did he hit you?
No. Just like everything else that sucks in my life,
I did it to myself.
Come here.
It's not a big deal.
What do you mean it's not a big deal? You look like a raccoon.
I just need to get ice on it, that's all.
Okay, I'll get you ice. I'll get you ice.
Oh, I'm a big girl.
Sit down. Sit down.
Don't go anywhere. Stay.
You have any steak?
No.
Well, I don't think this Lean Cuisine's going to get it done.
Here.
By the way, your mother called about 5 times.
I let the machine get it.
Thank you.
They're peas.
Go ahead. They' refrozen.
All right. Ahh... no, no, no.
Okay? Aww.
Oh, God.
It's on the floor under my shirt.
Hello? Hi, I'm fine. I'm alive. Don't come over.
My floral dress, my snakeskin sandals, and my beaded bag.
Yeah. Yeah. No. They loved him, Mom.
It was a great night. We...
I mean-but you know, something happened actually. No.
And, um... Ma, I gotta call you back.
Why did you do that?
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
Answer the phone.
No, I don't want to lie. I don't want to lie to her.
Then don't.
Hi, Ma.
Yeah. No. Uh, something happened.
I don't know what happened.
No. I know, I know, Ma.
I do know what happened. I just-I panicked.
Because I don't want you to be disappointed in me.
Right.
I know that you think that I could never disappoint you, but, Mom, let me tell you,
I could.
Oh, yeah, that's what you were talking about, right?
Well, you know, they mostly loved him.
Where is he?
Now?
Um...
Well, see, now, what do you mean when you say "where is he? '
You mean, like, physically now?
I'm right here, Rita.
But, uh, you have to promise not to be shocked
or think any less of your daughter, okay?
Right now?
Um... Well, a pair of boxer shorts, a T-shirt, and a smile.
Yeah?
Well, you know what, I am looking at your picture right now, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, I, uh, I like her a lot.
Well, in fact, uh...
I like her more every minute I spend with her.
I'm gonna give you back to Kate now, okay?
Well, I look forward to meeting you, too, Rita.
Bye.
Listen, Mom, I'm gonna hang up now, okay?
Oh, my God.
A diaphragm, a sponge, and a rubber. Good-bye.
Thank you for that.
Macy Gray: Games, changes, and fears
When will they go from here?
When will they stop
I believe that lie, and I choke
I try to walk away, and I stumble
And though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not there
Good-bye, and I choke
I try to walk away, and I stumble
And though I try to hide it
It's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
You're kidding.
His mistress showed up right there at the dinner?
Yeah. I heard Kate had a complete breakdown.
And then Mrs. Mercer either punched him
or punched the girlfriend.
I heard the guy punched Mr. Mercer.
I heard it turned into a giant brawl, everybody punching everybody.
Shh.
Morning.
See that?
She looks like Petey from Our Gang.
Hello.
You're still there.
No. I-nothing's wrong.
I just had this awful feeling, uh,
that, um...
That you were gonna leave and I wasn't gonna have a chance to say good-bye.
You know how you said,
um, last night about coming down on the weekends-
Ahem.
Uh, you know what? I got to call you back.
Are you gonna be around for a while? Can I call you back?
Don't go far.
That must have been quite a show you put on last night.
It's all anybody's talking about.
I like the Audrey Hepburn thing.
Nice touch.
Everyone will assume you're still crying your eyes out.
Yeah.
Uh, Darce, I really got to talk to you about something.
Well, Mr. Mercer and I, we have something we'd like talk to you about.
What? What did I do?
Yeah, well, I'm pleased you're pleased.
I know. Absolutely.
Ahem.
Uh, hold on. My troops are just arriving.
Yeah, I'll call you back.
Ladies.
Um, everybody okay?
Oh, well, she's just... you know.
Good. Good.
We've just gotten the results from Gulden's advertising test in Rochester,
and everyone is so pleased that they've decided to launch nationally A. SA.P.
Oh, God!
Now, what this early go-ahead means is that we've got a shot
at putting something together for the Super Bowl.
Baby, the Super Bowl! The Super Bowl, baby!
Oh, my God!
The Super Bowl.
Oh, wow. Oh, there's the chest pain.
Davenport and his people are coming by day after tomorrow to hear concepts.
Yes. God.
Can I have a tissue, please?
Also-And this is a little complicated for me,
but don't let it spoil your good fortune-
Davenport has asked me to move Sela out of the way
and to make you creative leader on the account.
Whoa. What happened to you?
Nothing.
Oh, no. Nothing.
Oh, it's not-This is not what you think it is.
It's-It's...
I'm such a klutz. I was getting dressed in the dark-
Look, I know that this goes without saying.
Last night was very upsetting for all of us.
I mean, no one more so than you, I'm sure,
but everyone here is working under the assumption
that this part of your life is over,
that this person is out of your life.
I mean, with this big account,
we're all gonna be eating a lot of dinners, going to a lot of functions,
maybe picking up a clio or two,
and he is not someone anyone wants to see again...
certainly not with you.
There's something wrong with your phone.
No, uh, I waited by it all day for you to call me back,
and when you didn't, I figured it out.
There must be something wrong with it...
Something wrong with something.
Oh, Nick, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I... I'm a terrible person.
It just sort of got really crazy here today.
Well, um... Good crazy?
Well, good crazy, bad crazy.
Um... I kind of got this enormous opportunity to, um, do a commercial.
That sounds good.
It is good. It is good, very good.
Uh...
I mean, you know, as you can see in front of you,
it's, um...
I'm gonna be working like mad, you know,
and it means a lot of late nights
and, uh, deadlines and, uh, migraines, and, um...
Doesn't really leave a lot of time for anything else.
Is that the official change of subject that just went by?
It's just really bad timing with this, Nick.
Really bad timing.
I want you to have that.
I haven't been around nearly as much as you, Kate, but, um...
I'm pretty sure you're supposed to leave that on the night table.
All right. You know, don't say that, okay?
That's for your travel expenses and your-your incidentals.
I know what it's for.
Well, what do you want me to do, huh, Nick?
I mean, you want me to just quit?
All of this just because you had one nice conversation with my mother on the phone?
Okay. I'll see you around, Kate.
Or what? Just lie? Tell them it was a lie? It was all a big joke?
I mean...
That's a thought.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Thank you.
I'll leave your key under your mat.
I mean, you know, Nick, remember the plan?
You were just supposed to go away.
Right?
Aimee Mann: I'm told the case is now closed
So I can come to my senses
Hi, Mom.
But when the question is posed
I'll have this meager defense
I was hopin' that you'd know better than this
I was hopin', but you're an amateur
I was hopin' that you'd know better
But I've been wrong before
Tracy's gonna kill me, I'm so late.
Second Share a cab downtown?
My boyfriend's meeting me at PJ. Clarke's.
Can I bring Sarah?
Yeah, I suppose.
Carlos.
Hey, Kate.
Yeah?
It's gonna be great.
Thank you.
Hi.
Oh. Thanks.
Same thing.
That's two dollars, please?
Hmm.
Okay.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, I can't-
I don't think I'm going to be able to present this idea this afternoon.
Really?
Why not?
It's Nick.
Wait a minute. Nick, your, uh, fiancé, the fellow who cheated on you?
Right.
Right, except, uh, he was never my fiancé, and, uh, he never cheated on me.
Well, um, I'm totally confused.
I know.
He was just this guy that I happened to have a photograph taken with at a wedding.
I mean, I didn't even know him.
He was just a stranger, and when he got famous,
I went and I found him and offered him money to come and have dinner with us.
I asked him to make a fool out of himself, and he didn't want to,
uh, but he did it for me.
He did it to please me, and I did it to please you,
and I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry most of all, I think, that I convinced myself
that whatever talent I had meant nothing unless
it came in this package that everyone liked.
I guess you could say I was dressing for the job I wanted.
I'll be out of my office in 20 minutes.
Hey, hey.
Yeah?
There never was a Nick?
No.
You-You just made him up?
Yeah.
And one of the reasons was... to be with me?
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
You-You really are a bad girl.
I mean...
You really are something.
Yep. I know.
I am something.
Oh, but you know, Sam...
I'm a good girl.
I think that's always been our problem,
is, you know, I- I'm just a good girl.
You sure?
Mm-hmm.
I tell you, though, if I ever change, you're the first person I'm calling.
I hope so.
Okay.
Just, um... couple of things.
You know, when I-when I applied for my first job at Young & Rubicam,
I told them that I graduated in the top 10% of my class.
Well, the truth is I was lucky to graduate at all.
Oh. Why don't you take a few days off, maybe-maybe go upstate,
maybe go to Massachusetts?
Hear that music? That means the main event's about to start,
so you better get in your seat so you don't miss it. Go ahead.
There she goes, back to her seat.
Heh heh heh!
Thanks for the watch.
Ok, Nick, I'm sorry.
I'm working now, you know.
I know. I just wanted to tell you that, um,
I told everybody the truth.
Well, that's...
that's great.
Yeah.
That's great.
Good-bye, Kate.
Would you all please be seated?
Nick.
I-
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God
and in the face of this congregation
to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony,
and therefore, if any man can show just cause...
Kate... I got to work.
Just... Kate, just go.
No.
Yes.
- Yes. - No.
- No! ...forever hold his peace.
Daniel, do you have something you'd like to tell me?
I've never seen that woman before in my life...
Uh, I don't think.
Uh, Miss. You back there.
He's talking to you.
Do you have something to say, something to tell us?
No. No.
I'm sorry.
No. Holding my peace.
Got away from me for a moment, but holding it.
It's held. I promise.
God.
Oh, my God.
Hi. Could you do me a favor and hold this for me?
Just point it-Seethe bride and the groom over there?
You know them, right?
Can I, uh... Miss? Could we, uh...
Get over here.
Listen, Kate-
I know. I was calculating and callous.
And manipulative and condescending and...
Okay.
I miss you.
Look, I know I don't deserve it,
but I would love another chance.
You know, I'm not asking for, like, a ring or anything, you know?
I just want a date.
You know, just a date.
I mean, hey, you know, I know how you take your coffee.
Okay.
You bunny hop?
Huh?
Well, after this there's a reception,
and maybe after that we could see a movie or... something.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Thank you.
Unless someone has something else to say, I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
20 seconds on the bad time
I'm a-feel you're on the run
Never lived too long to make right
I see you're doin' fine
And when I get that feeling, I can no longer slide
I can no longer run
Oh, no, no
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide
For it's no longer fun, oh, no, no
Yeah, you can say what you want
But it won't change my mind
I'll feel the same
About you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it won't change my feelings
I'll feel the same
About you
What I am is what you want of me
Yeah, now that I'm not there
I took the tables away from you
It's turning, I don't care
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide
I can no longer run, oh, no, no
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide
For it's no longer fun, oh, no, no
Yeah, you can say what you want
But it won't change my mind
I'll feel the same about you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it won't change my feelings
I'll feel the same about you
Yeah, you can say what you want
But it won't change my mind
I'll feel the same about you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it won't change my feelings
I'll feel the same about you
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer smile...
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