(TYPING) MARTY: 46-99402.
Transfer to 53-01138.
COSMO: What'd we just do?
The Republican Party just made a generous donation to the Black Panthers.
Farm out. Right arm.
Who's next? Let's see.
Richard Nixon's personal checking account is in here.
Ooh, this is a challenge.
Marty, we have to find somebody truly worthy to give his money to.
How about...
The National Association to Legalize Marijuana.
Perfect. How much should he give?
He's a generous man. I'd say, all he's got. God, I'm hungry!
Marty, you are sure we will not get into trouble for this?
Cosmo, trust me.
(DISPATCHER CHATTERING ON POLICE RADIO)
Posit, the phone company has too much money.
Oh, good one. Consequence?
They're corrupt. Result?
The system perpetuates itself at the expense of the people.
Conclusion? Ma Bell needs to donate some money.
We're gonna change the world, Marty.
I just wish we could get course credit for this. Gosh!
You gotta eat. You want some food?
Loser goes.
I never lose.
(GROANS)
Pepperoni pizza, please, shaken, not stirred.
Power to the people, Cos. Power to the people, Marty.
One cannot trust anybody these days.
(ENGINE STALLING)
No, don't do this.
(DISPATCHER CHATTERING ON POLICE RADIO)
Marty! Marty!
GREASE: Mam“.
Martin.
Martin. Martin.
It's time.
How're we doing?
Carl's in position on the fire escape. Mother's in the cable vault.
Whistler, he's reading.
(BEEPING)
We're up.
What's with the lobby? Still just the one guard.
(BEEPING CONTINUES)
Okay, Mother, try the ones coming off the blue trunk.
Nope.
Try the ones coming off the white trunk, Mother. These don't sound right.
WHISTLER: Oh no.
We've even got photos of the guy leaving the embassy
through the back service entrance.
Hey, Crease, you on?
Yeah, I'm on.
Were you still in CIA in '72?
Yeah, why?
Did you know the deputy director of planning
was down in Managua, Nicaragua, the day before the earthquake?
Now, what are you saying? The CIA caused the Managua earthquake?
Well, I can't prove it, but...
I can't talk to that guy.
Hold on, Mother, go back one.
(TONE SOUNDS)
BingQ!
Securing bridge clips.
Preparing to sever master alarm circuit.
Five, four...
I looked in that box just now.
There wasn't anything there.
I know how you feel. Do you?
Nice bank?
BISHOP: You wouldn't believe what I had to go through
just to get a safe deposit box.
(ALARM BELL RINGING)
(GROANS)
Oh, shit. We're getting too old for this.
MAN: Westguard Security. Yeah, I got a fire at Centurion Bank.
Yeah, we got the alarm.
Are there any secondary indications? Smoke or flame?
No.
It's probably a false alarm.
We've been getting them in your area all night. See if it resets.
Oh man, I don't know.
Sure you know which one to cut?
Yes! The alarm's always the green one.
Good, Carl.
Hey, man, I'm not waiting any longer. I'm calling the fire...
(ALARM STOPS)
Oh. It stopped. Sorry.
Hey, no problem. And, son?
Sir?
Good work.
Thank you, sir.
All yours, Bish.
(TYPING)
So, how much do you want?
80,000.90,000. 100,000.
Okay.
May I ask why you're closing your account with us today, sir?
Well, I just had this weird feeling that my money wasn't safe here anymore.
Gentlemen, your communication lines are vulnerable.
Fire exits need to be monitored.
Your rent-a-cops are a tad under trained.
Outside of that, everything seems to be just fine.
You'll be getting our full report and analysis in a few days.
But first, who's got my check?
So, people hire you to break into their places
to make sure no one can break into their places?
It's a living.
Not a very good one.
Thank you.
Is that him?
Oh yeah, that's him.
BISHOP: Who's got the report for the bank sneak?
MOTHER: I'm gonna type it up later.
You are?
We haven't paid the typist since January, so it's either me or Whistler.
Better Whistler.
We've got customers.
Shoes?
Expensive.
Look busy, guys-
Mr. Bishop. Dick Gordon. Hi.
Buddy Wallace. Hi.
We've heard a lot of great things about you.
They're all true. Thanks, Carl.
Gentlemen, why don't we go to the conference room?
You can tell us how we can help you.
Good.
Okay. Thank you.
So here...
Before we begin, there's something we'd like to clear up.
Most firms of this type are staffed with ex-law enforcement types.
But your team, it's...
I know, kind of different.
Yes, you are.
Darryl Roskow, also known as "Mother."
Eighteen months at Dannemora for breaking and entering.
Yeah, he was framed. But he's got the best hands in the business.
Carl Arbogast, age 19.
Caught breaking into the Oakland City School District computer
to change his grades.
I know. We're the ones who caught him.
Irwin Emery, also known as "Whistler."
BISHOP: He had some little problem with the phone company.
Sixty-two counts?
Okay, you want law enforcement?
How about Donald Crease? Twenty-two year veteran of the CIA.
Terminated, 1987. Why was that?
I don't know. I think maybe a personality conflict.
Who are you guys?
Relax, Marty. We have to check on these things.
It's just everybody on your team has had some sort of problem in their past.
And then there's Martin Bishop.
He doesn't seem to have a past.
Sorry to waste your time, gentlemen. I don't work for the government.
GORDON: We know.
National Security Agency.
Oh, you're the guys I hear breathing on the other end of my phone.
No, that's the FBI. We're not chartered for domestic surveillance.
Oh, I see. You just overthrow governments, set up friendly dictators.
No, that's the CIA.
We protect our government's communications,
try to break the other fellow's codes.
We're the good guys, Marty.
Gee, I can't tell you what a relief that is, Dick.
All right, that's enough. Let's go.
If you change your mind call us at this number...
Mr. Brice.
Help me out?
Spare a quarter? Help me out. The government's taken away my home.
Talk to him.
Well, if it isn't Robin Hood.
You know, I could've joined the NSA, but they found out my parents were married.
Hey, hey, we're all friends here, right? Easy, easy.
Want some coffee or something?
No.
Buddy, is that Janek's file?
Yeah, Janek's file.
This is a mathematician named Dr. Gunter Janek.
Works at a think tank called the Coolidge Institute.
Specializes in large number theory, prime numbers, factoring.
Cryptography. Very good.
Last month, the good doctor gets a grant, $380,000.
Way out of profile for a guy like that.
It's ourjob to be curious, so we traced the money.
Guess where it comes from?
I know you're not gonna say Russia. Yeah.
Give me a break.
We won, they lost, you know? It's been in a couple of papers.
Yeah, we still spy on them. They still spy on us.
We intercepted a fax last week. Here.
They're making some kind of box, a little black box.
The project's called Setec Astronomy. We don't know what Setec stands for.
Security technology... Sensor techniques, who knows?
It may be nothing or it may be something. And we need to know.
Your job is to find that little black box. Let us take a look at it.
Yeah. No way.
Sorry, Marty. We don't have a lot of choice here.
Do it yourself.
We can't. Why not?
By law, we're not allowed or equipped to do this kind of operation.
Then get the FBI.
Yeah, right, the FBI.
The FBI can't work for us without approval from a congressional committee.
We don't have the time. So, why me?
Frankly, because we...
Yeah, frankly.
Marty, sit down, please.
Frankly, because it's kind of illegal.
You've managed to stay underground more than 20 years.
You know how not to get caught.
We know you can keep your mouth shut.
Job pays $175,000, payable on delivery.
You can distribute it among the poor, if you like.
Pass.
We also clean up your record.
Quash the outstanding warrant for your arrest.
Your pal Cosmo got 12 years, and that was without flight to evade prosecution.
We all know what happened to him in there.
If I say no?
Don't say no.
What good would you do anybody in prison?
I don't believe this. You lied to us all these years.
Even lied to us about your name.
Sorry, okay?
I'm sorry, but when you're wanted by the feds,
you don't go around telling everybody.
We're not everybody, Martin. We're your partners. You tell us.
Fine.
Exactly why was it you had to leave the CIA?
We all have our little secrets, don't we?
Look, you guys have a decision to make.
This is not a test. The penetration is live. The target is unaware.
Sneaking a foreign intelligence service that might kill us
to keep us out is not what we do.
The probable level of security is very low.
But if you guys don't want to take that chance just to keep me out of jail...
Fine. I understand. Don't do it.
Well, Bish, I can't speak for the other guys, but I'm in it for the money.
I don't care if you go to jail.
Me neither. I'm in.
Could we maybe just go back to the "they might kill us" part?
If I thought that was likely to happen,
I wouldn't bring this to you.
But there is a risk.
It pays $175,000!
I'm in.
You guys'll be chalk outlines without me. All right. What do we need?
Okay. We start with a very light surveillance. Level three.
First sign of baby-sitters, we back off.
Now, this guy's giving a lecture tomorrow at U.C. in the afternoon.
I'm gonna be there and check him out. Okay? Any questions?
Okay, let's do it.
For the lecture, you wanna take Whistler or do you want me?
No, that's okay. I thought I'd ask Liz.
(PIANO PLAYING WALTZ)
Who's this?
Sort of an old friend.
Practice! Practice, practice!
(LAUGHS)
Hi.
We're not getting back together.
Did I say anything? You will.
I'm here on business, Liz.
Bishop, you don't have a business.
You have a club. It's a boys' club.
You have a little clubhouse. You probably have a secret handshake.
Liz, I need your help.
I will not be dragged back into your world.
I have a new group of gifted children now,
and I like the fact that they're under 30.
Excuse me.
There's a mathematician named Gunter Janek. You know him?
I've read him. Now go away.
He's giving a master lecture at 3:30...
How nice for him.
I thought I'd buy you dinner after.
I am not going out with you.
This isn't a date, dummy. This is a scientific exploration, a tutorial.
I need you...
To explain it to me.
Read a book.
They found me, Liz.
The government found me.
They offered me a deal. If I take their offer, they clear my record,
and I can get my name back.
You and I are not getting back together.
Hey, don't flatter yourself.
Pick me up at 3:00.
Yes!
While the number field sieve is the best method currently known,
there exists an intriguing possibility for a far more elegant approach.
This guy's good.
Shh!
...over the rationals and, hence, contained in a single cyclotomic field.
Using the Artin map, we might induce homomorphisms...
You seeing anybody? Shh!
These maps could then be used to combine splitting information from all the...
This isn'tjust about large number theory. It's about cryptography.
Oh? You mean codes?
I mean unbreakable codes.
It would be a breakthrough of Gaussian proportions,
and allow us to acquire the solution in a dramatically more efficient manner.
Are you seeing... Shh!
Such an approach is purely theoretical.
So far, no one has been able to accomplish
such constructions yet.
(CHAMBER MUSIC PLAYING) The numbers are so unbelievably big,
all the computers in the world could not break them down.
But maybe, just maybe there's a shortcut.
I'll bet you anything he's found it.
If he has, you're in over your head. I'll get my coat.
Numbers themselves may be our best tools.
Maybe able to see things in other numbers that we can't.
Martin.
Martin, how wonderful to see you.
Hi, Greg. How are you? Is it not fabulous?
Today I can in public come and learn your scientists' new secrets.
Alas, I did not understand one bit of what he was talking about.
At least I... Oh! Goodness, can it be?
Hmm?
Oh, yeah. Elizabeth.
She's dying to talk to you too, Greg.
Excuse me. Elizabeth.
Elizabeth.
Hello, Greg.
Elizabeth and Martin.
My heart leaps like gazelle to see you back together again.
Tell it to stop leaping. We are not back together.
No? Oh, what a pity.
Wait. I have smashing idea. Martin! Martin!
Kiev string quartet plays at the consulate on Thursday night.
You will be my guests.
Really, Greg, I wouldn't know how to repay you.
(CHUCKLES)
Martin, now that our countries are such good friends,
perhaps you will finally be able to do occasional favor for me?
Gregor, you are shameless.
See you Thursday night.
What?
New title. Cultural attaché.
Unbelievable!
Last few years has been very confusing for people in my line of work.
I'll bet.
I don't care what anybody says about the "New World Order."
I don't trust that guy.
Who, Greg? He's harmless.
(WHISPERING) Let the number itself tell us...
If you'll excuse me, I have some work.
You're gonna follow him, aren't you?
Liz, I... It's okay. I'll get a cab.
Can I call you?
Just be careful.
Janek just got in the elevator. Going up.
We will be ready for him.
How's the audio?
WHISTLER: Good. Mother's pretty close.
CREASE: He's just wearing four safety belts this time.
BISHOP: What, no parachute?
CARL: All righty. Entry and lights on.
Describe it.
Looks like a workroom.
You got yourself a bench with a soldering gun,
two spools of wire and a magnifying lamp.
WHISTLER: Yeah, sounds like he's making something.
(TYPING)
Then a desk...
Mmm-hmm.
Telephone, lamp, answering machine.
Ajar of pencils, but no little black box.
It's gotta be there somewhere. What's he doing?
He's logging on the computer.
BISHOP: Oh, this is good.
He's gonna type in his password,
and we're gonna get a clear shot.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Oh! Dr. Rhyzkov, good evening.
Hey, let's get an I.D. on Dr. Rhyzkov.
She was with him this afternoon.
She was trying to tell him something, and it was making him...
ELENA: Oh, Gunter.
Let's do what we did in Mexico City.
I didn't know you could do that in Mexico City.
Mr. Bishop, do you mind if I take a look?
Carl.
Grow up.
(WOMAN MOANING)
Let me see.
Oh, Gunter.
(MOANING CONTINUES)
Oh, Gunter.
Elena, really! I must finish my work.
Okay, back to work.
Nope, here we go. Now we're gonna get our password.
ELENA: I leave message here on service but you do not call.
I'm sorry.
Get out of the way. She's in the way.
I don't believe this.
It's just, I have this work.
I give you something to work, baby.
Okay. Just for a little while.
Oh, Gunter.
What's going on?
Oh, nothing.
(ELENA MOANING)
Elena, really! I must finish my work.
I leave message here on service but you do not call.
MOTHER: Maybe there's a frame or two where she doesn't block it.
I'll blow it up.
(TAPE REWINDING)
Hey. Who's Rhyzkov?
Dr. Elena Rhyzkov, visiting professor from Czechoslovakia,
senior research fellow in astrophysics.
Bingo.
Setec Astronomy, whatever that is.
ELENA: (ON TAPE) I leave message here on service but you do not call.
There.
W, G...
Looks like the H.
Where do you get H? Next to the L.
H isn't next to the L.
Guys, do it again.
I leave message here on service but you do not call.
...message here on service but you do not call.
Okay, that's definitely W, G.
Definitely not. No, that's a V.
She's in the way.
Fellows, Janek's little black box is on his desk
between the pencil jar and the lamp.
Whistler, I hate to tell you this, but you're blind.
Play the tape back again.
But you can't even see anything.
Don't look. Listen.
Play it back.
(TAPE REWINDING)
I leave message here on service but you do not...
He's got a service.
What's he need an answering machine for?
MOTHER: There's our little black box.
MOTHER: Okay, boss. This LTX-71 concealable mike
is part of the same system that NASA used
when they faked the Apollo moon landings.
Had the astronauts broadcast around the world from a soundstage
at Norton Air Force Base in San Bernardino, California.
So, it worked for them. It shouldn't give us too many problems.
Thanks.
SECURITY GUARD: You didn't have a delivery?
CARL: I should have the invoice here.
No delivery is scheduled. They didn't have anything on record.
Did my wife drop a cake off for me?
There's no cake back here.
Surprise party for Marge on the second floor.
She was supposed to drop a cake off.
I don't know about it.
There she is, late as usual.
It states here that I am to deliver 36 boxes of Liquid Drano
to this address.
I don't care what that says. You're not on the list. You can't get in.
I might lose my job.
That's not my problem. Now beat it.
I can't reach my card. Could you buzz this, please?
Just buzz it. I can't reach my card.
Wait one minute.
We're late for the party on the second floor.
Push the goddamned buzzer, will you?
(BUZZES)
Thanks.
Anybody remember how to defeat an electronic key pad?
Don't even joke about that, Martin. Those things are impossible.
Think I'm joking? Looks like they just put it in.
Oh boy.
Here, maybe this might help.
Old buddy of mine, was in Desert Storm, sent it to me.
'Course, he was on the other side.
BISHOP: Come on, Crease. There's got to be a way around these things.
All right, all right.
This might work.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Right.
Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay. I'll give it a shot.
That worked.
Got it.
Gunter? You're...
Oh, God, no. Here you go, come on.
Hey, nice to see you.
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
Who the hell is that?
Battle stations.
Monitor the audio. Grab the mike.
Okay.
I'm gonna remove my hand now. Please, do not scream.
I promise nothing is going to happen to you.
Okay?
Mmm-hmm.
Who are you?
He's a P.l.
You're a private investigator.
I'm a private investigator.
But why? Who hired you?
Huh?
Who hired you?
Mrs. Janek.
There is not Mrs. Janek.
Yeah?
You got us stumped.
Oh yeah? Who do you think paid for your little love jaunt to Mexico City?
That was good.
Velma, Velma Janek.
She lives in Montreal where she handles her family's real estate holdings,
vast real estate holdings.
Farms, banks, shopping malls. Two shopping malls.
She supports Gunter but figured he was cheating on her,
and that's why she hired me.
Bastard liar!
I'll kill him! Oh, no, no, no!
No! No, no, don't. Get a hold of yourself, Dr. Rhyzkov.
Get a hold of yourself.
You gotta not tell him you know. Ha!
We weren't here. We didn't talk. You don't know me.
You don't know anything about a wife.
You just give me one good reason why.
All right, I'll give you a reason.
Give you a really good reason.
It's just what she would want you to do.
It's just what she wants you to do.
I don't understand.
Yeah, sometimes I don't understand myself.
Here, look, I might lose my license for this.
My client is a vindictive, bitter woman.
She's been withholding marital favors from Gunter for years,
and now she's out to ruin him.
(STAMMERING) And she's using you to get to her.
And she's using me to get to you.
I know that's confusing, but don't you see what's happening here?
You and me, we're just pawns in this ugly little game.
Pawns.
If you love him...
If you really love him...
Then just keep on loving him.
And never let him know
that you know what he thinks you don't know you know.
You know?
And give him head whenever he wants.
Give him help.
Be a beacon in his sad and lonely life. Can you do that for Gunter?
Yes, yes, I can, I can.
Okay, good.
Now get out of here.
Give him head?
Be a beacon?
(CHAIN OF FOOLS BY ARETHA FRANKLIN PLAYING)
(SINGING) Chain, chain, chain chain, chain, chain
Chain, chain, chain chain, chain, chain
Chain of fools
For five long years
I thought you were my man
But I found out
I'm just a link in your chain, oh
But the key meeting took place July 1, 1958,
when the Air Force brought this space visitor to the White House
for an interview with President Eisenhower. And Ike said,
"Look, give us your technology.
"We'll give you all the cow lips you want."
Don't listen to this man. He's certifiable.
Your husband knows about cattle mutilations. He's ex-CIA.
He's touched.
He knows the government's been suppressing for years.
Understood, understood.
One thing I don't quite get though is you and Cosmo,
you were taking all these chances, all these big chances,
what for?
We were young. And there was a war on.
It was a good way to meet girls.
I bet.
How come you didn't get caught?
I went out for pizza.
Then I went to Canada.
I was lucky. He wasn't.
Did he ever forgive you?
I hope so.
He died in prison.
So, what are you guys gonna do with your share of the money?
Don?
Well, we have never been to Europe together.
That's right.
And we are going.
Madrid, Lisbon.
Athens. Oh, and Scotland.
And Tahiti.
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
Mother?
Well, you know, I've never actually had a really cool car
that I could fit comfortably into.
So I think I'm gonna buy me a Winnebago
with a big kitchen, water bed, big kitchen.
Carl?
I'd like to have a deep relationship with a beautiful woman
who melts from the very first time our eyes meet.
We're not getting paid that much, Carl.
Well, you know, someone like Liz.
You're definitely not getting paid that much.
ALL: Ooh! Uh-oh.
He)', hey, hey, hey!
Whistler?
Peace on earth, goodwill toward men.
MOTHER: Right On.
And women.
MOTHER: Hear, hear!
That's not a word, "scrunchy".
Scrunchy is not a word.
Scrunchy is a word.
Since when? You know what happens to your face?
Please, it's not a word. Right now your face is scrunchy.
CREASE: All right. We gotta take it as a word.
LIZ: It's better than "scrunchy."
BISHOP: I didn't invent the word.
Carl. Yes.
What does it say where this is?
Hold on a second here.
"System out."
Guys, I really think you should leave that thing alone.
Yeah, I know. I just wanted to see something. Don't worry, Don.
How are they spelling Setec?
S-E-T-E-C. Setec.
Special extraterrestrial?
Earthling counter.
Does that make two, four, five.
And she begins to go, and this one bull turns around
and looks at me, like right dead in my eyes.
Setec.
What?
Setec Astronomy.
I just love it when a man says that to me.
Setec doesn't mean anything.
Excuse me...
Carl, can you get me some cable and that IO interface, please?
"Monterey's Coast."
Does "Monterey's Coast" mean anything to you guys?
No.
Here, help me with this.
Carl, get the diagnostics.
How about "My Socrates Note"?
No.
Uh-uh.
No, I...
No. No.
Uh-huh. Got it. Move to another one.
Mmm-hmm. Give me another one.
Stay in that quadrant.
It's kind of the same thing. Try another quadrant.
Whoa.
Mother, what was that? Go back one.
MOTHER: All right.
Holy cow.
What the hell is this?
"Too Many Secrets."
Bish, I think you better come over here.
Carl, got your little black book?
Yes.
Give me the number for something impossible to access.
Okay. What about this?
Federal Reserve transfer node, Culpeper, Virginia.
Yeah, sure. Good luck.
CARL: Nine hundred billion a day goes through there.
That'll do. Punch it in.
Okay.
We won't get in. It's encrypted.
CARL: See?
Mother, that last contact.
WHISTLER: Look at this, boys.
Anybody want to shut down the Federal Reserve?
Hey, don't screw around with that thing!
Wait, Crease.
Carl, what else you got?
National power grid?
(CHUCKLES)
Okay.
Here we come.
Okay, Mother.
Probing.
Wow. Unbelievable.
WHISTLER: Anybody want to black out New England?
Carl, what else?
Air traffic control system.
(TYPING)
Okay, Mother.
Oh, my God.
CREASE: How is this possible?
Cryptography systems are based on mathematical problems so complex
they cannot be solved without a key.
Janek figured out a way to solve those problems without the key,
and he hard-wired it into that chip.
Turn it off.
Want to crash a couple of passengerjets?
I said turn it off.
BISHOP: Turn it Off.
So it's a code-breaker.
No, it's the code-breaker.
No more secrets.
Honey, you and Melissa get your things.
Night-night.
Good night.
What time is the hand-off?
9:00 a.m.
Well, between now and then,
we are going to institute some security around here.
This is where I get off. Nice to see you again. I'm out of here.
Don't take this personally, Liz, but you were the only one who knew Martin's secret.
Somebody talked.
So make yourself comfortable. We're all staying right here tonight.
No. I'm getting my bag, and I'm leaving.
So relax, Crease.
I'll relax when we get that damn thing out of here.
Until then, you stay.
What?
There isn't a government on this planet
that wouldn't kill us all for that thing.
Sorry.
I see.
Carl? Hit the alarm.
Mother, lock everything down.
Then kill the lights. Whistler, unplug that thing.
You bet.
Thank you for the trust, fellows.
(LOADING GUN)
I really enjoyed sleeping with all you guys. Take care.
Bye, Liz WHISTLER: You too, Liz.
I hope the hand-off goes well.
I'd hate for you to have something new to run from.
Martin? Time.
Yeah.
Morning. Hi.
Any problems?
Nope.
Want a cappuccino?
No.
Got his check?
CREASE: Hey, Martin!
Telephone!
Just a minute.
It's your mother.
She's... She's old. Excuse me.
Get in the car.
What?
Get in the car.
MARTIN: I didn't get the money.
Now!
What are you doing? I didn't get the money.
Janek's dead.
They killed him.
The NSA doesn't kill people, Martin. Who are they?
You said there isn't a government on earth
that wouldn't kill for that thing.
Not ours. Who were those guys?
There's one way to find out.
They took away my home. Help me out? The government took away my home.
My God.
Don't tell me you can't do it because I know you can.
And don't tell me you won't do it, because I've got to have it.
Damn it! I need to know, and I need to know now.
Hey, guys, that federal building?
Scheduled for demolition since August.
Ithoused the Federal Trade Commission, the Department of Agriculture.
Been vacant for a month.
The NSA never had an office in San Francisco.
Their West Coast operations are right out of Los Angeles.
Oh, God. Yeah, thanks.
Janek's grant is from the NSA.
WHISTLER: Oh no.
How could you be so goddamn stupid?
Two guys show up, say they're government, and you just buy it.
They probably were government...
Just not ours.
Everybody pack up whatever you can. This place isn't safe.
CREASE: What do you think you're doing?
I'm going to a concert.
Keep smiling.
Martin, have you lost your mind?
Excuse yourself.
Darling, would you excuse me for a moment?
Give me back Janek's box, Greg.
Martin, I don't have it.
Now you must believe me.
No.
You set me up, Greg. No, I do not believe you.
We had nothing to do with this Janek business.
Not for lack of trying, mind you.
Your codes are entirely different from ours.
We never had any luck in breaking them,
so Lord knows, I wanted that box,
but we did not take it.
Then who did?
What I will tell you now I cannot tell you in this building.
Do you understand?
Come.
Martin.
You must trust me.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
GREG-OR: Him?
BISHOP: No.
Him.
No.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Him?
I'm afraid these books are not as current as they used to be.
You still keep tabs on all our agents.
These are just the ones we thought we could turn.
You know, sexual problems, financial troubles.
Then we had financial troubles.
That's him. The older guy.
A loathsome man named Buddy DeVries,
A.K.A. Buddy Weber, Buddy Wallace.
Wallace. That's him.
We tried to recruit him in '83. Drinking problem, married three times.
Left the NSA four years ago.
Oh, my-
What?
You disappeared once before, my friend. I suggest you do it again.
Why? Who's he working for?
(SIREN WAILING)
Your FBI is such a pain in the ass.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Who's he working for?
Martin, I can offer you asylum inside this car.
Technically, it's part of the consulate.
Do you wish our protection?
What? Who is Wallace working for?
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
Mr. Bishop? My name is Special Agent Bestrop, FBI.
Please, step out of the vehicle.
Do you wish our protection?
Mr. Bishop.
Get out of the vehicle now.
You won't know who to trust.
Mr. Bishop, step over here, please. Hands on the wall, sir.
(CLICKS)
Is this loaded?
Yes.
Too many secrets.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(CAR DOORS OPENING)
Oh, shit.
What are you doing up?
Pain?
Yeah.
Try aspirin.
Cosmo.
I'm sorry if he hurt you.
I'm afraid Wallace doesn't like you very much.
You ought to have that guy checked for rabies.
Rabies occurs only in warm-blooded animals.
Anyway, I couldn't have you talking to the Russians.
Five years ago, yes, we could trust them not to go running to the FBI,
or if they did, we could trust the FBI not to believe them.
Today we can't trust anybody.
What the hell's going on here? Cosmo, what...
What happened?
The world changed on us, Marty, and without our help.
What happened?
There I was in prison, and one day I help a couple of nice older gentlemen
make some free telephone calls.
They turn out to be, let us say, good family men.
Organized crime?
Don't kid yourself.
It's not that organized.
Anyway, they arranged for me to get an early release
from my unfortunate incarceration,
and I began to perform a variety of services.
For starters, I reorganized their entire financial operation:
budgets, payroll, money laundering, you name it.
The whole network is protected by a very powerful encryption system
so the government cannot read it.
But if the feds get Janek's box...
Disaster. Therefore, we must have it.
To protect the organization.
Yes.
No, I don't buy it.
I know you.
God, it's good to see you.
(WHISPERING) We were going to change the world, Marty, remember?
Did you ever get around to actually doing it? No, I guess not.
Well, I think I can.
Really.
Yes.
What's wrong with this country, Marty? Money. You taught me that.
Evil defense contractors had it, noble causes did not.
Politicians are bought and sold like so much chattel. Our problems multiply.
Pollution, crime, drugs, poverty, disease, hunger, despair.
We throw gobs of money at them.
The problems always get worse. Why is that?
Because money's most powerful ability is to allow bad people
to continue doing bad things at the expense of those who don't have it.
I agree. Who did you say you were working for?
That's just my day job.
Listen, when I was in prison, I learned that everything in this world,
including money, operates not on reality...
But the perception of reality.
Posit, people think a bank might be financially shaky.
Consequence, people start to withdraw their money.
Result, pretty soon, it is financially shaky.
Conclusion, you can make banks fail.
(BUZZING)
I've already done that. Maybe you've read about a few?
(CHUCKLES)
Think bigger.
Stock market? Yes.
Currency market? Commodities market? Yes.
Small countries?
I might even be able to crash the whole damn system.
Destroy all records of ownership. Think of it, Marty.
No more rich people. No more poor people. Everybody's the same.
Isn't that what we said we always wanted?
Cos, you haven't gone crazy on me, have you?
Who else is going to change the world, Marty?
Greenpeace?
You are crazy.
Tomorrow they will retrieve your fingerprints
from the gun that killed a Russian consular officer.
The following clay, those prints will be run through an FBI computer,
and they will come up with a name.
Martin Brice, my old and good friend,
who promised me we would not get in trouble and who, I might add, did not.
Then they will check this database in Washington, D.C.,
which I'm now able to access, thanks to you.
Of course, no one knows where Martin Brice is, do they?
But what if this indicated...
An alias?
Don't.
Don't do it, Cos.
Pain?
Try prison.
Ciao.
Oh no, not the head.
Just relax.
No more secrets, Marty.
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(GASPS)
I've had a bad night.
Really.
You look terrific.
You look awful.
I should think so, considering what I've been through.
What happened?
You tell me.
You got hit over the head twice and got thrown out of a speeding car?
Here, let me do this.
I'm sorry.
It's okay. I...
I'm sorry.
(SIGHS)
The paper said that Greg was killed.
I called your number, and someone else answered.
I didn't recognize the voice.
I can't do this alone, Liz.
I'm here.
We have to meet.
The FBI says the fingerprints found in the embassy car
matched those taken from the office of a government researcher
found murdered earlier this week in Palo Alto.
The connection was made after a Bay Area radio station received an anonymous tip,
linking the two killings. More bad news...
The son of a bitch.
All right. It's time we call the authorities.
Great. Now that we're accessories to espionage and murder.
All the more reason to turn ourselves in now while we can still cut a deal.
With what? We got bupkus! They'll give us 20 years in the electric chair.
You think I like it? I've got a family! We have no other choice.
Yes, we do. We make the call, but we make it our way.
Unload the van.
We got these band wideners here, Whis. Where do you want them?
Thanks. Nice apartment.
(MEN CHATTERING)
I'm going to bounce this call through nine different relay stations
throughout the world and off two satellites.
It'll be the hardest trace they've ever heard.
This'll measure stress in the voice on the other end.
Not as accurate as a polygraph, but it'll do.
Unbelievable.
Let's do it.
(DIAL TONE)
WOMAN ON PHONE: Fort Meade, Maryland. Good afternoon.
(WHISPERING) Try director of ops.
National Security Agency, director of operations, please.
Extension, please?
I'm sorry. I forget the number.
Could I please have director of operations? It's very important.
What extension, please?
Try research.
Give me research. It's an emergency.
I need an extension or a name.
Setec Astronomy.
One moment, please.
They've started the trace.
MAN ON PHONE: Who is this, please?
It's my dime. I'll ask the questions. Who are you?
Well, let's say my name is Mr. Abbott.
True.
They made the second leg.
Mr. Abbott, are you interested in Setec Astronomy?
I'm interested in all kinds of astronomy.
Cute. They've got the satellite in Tokyo.
These guys are good.
I need to know if you're someone who can make a deal.
Go on.
Can you deal?
Yes.
True.
They're across Transcom. You've got about 20 seconds, Bish.
If I come in, can you guarantee my safety?
Do you have the item?
No.
Fifteen seconds.
Can you guarantee my safety?
Where is the item?
Can you guarantee my safety?
Five seconds.
Yes, I can guarantee your safety.
Bish, he's lying.
Hang up. They've almost got us.
He's lying!
Hang up, Bish! Hang up! MOTHER: He's lying! He's lying!
MOTHER: There's gotta be a way to cut a deal.
Too late.
If we had the box, yes. Without it, no.
CARL: So let's get this frigging thing.
BISHOP: I don't know where it is, remember?
What did it sound like?
MOTHER: No idea where they took you?
No.
They threw me in a trunk, drove around in circles.
It could be a hundred miles away, next door, underground, in a sky-rise. Forget it.
Bish, what did it sound like?
What?
The road. When you were in the trunk, what did the road sound like?
Well, I... Highway. A regular highway.
Well, did you go over any speed bumps? Gravel? How about a bridge?
Bridge, yeah.
Four bridges in the Bay Area.
WHISTLER: Was the Golden Gate fogged in last night?
Yes.
WHISTLER: Did you hear a foghorn?
No.
Scratch the Golden Gate. That leaves three.
What did it sound like? Did you go through a tunnel?
I'm not... No.
Scratch the Bay.
That leaves two. San Mateo and Dumbarton.
What did it sound like?
(WHOOSHING SOUND PLAYING)
Lower.
There was a recurring sound.
Like seams in the concrete.
(CLUNKING SOUND PLAYING)
But further apart.
Yeah.
MOTHER: NOW what?
Bumps. Rough ones.
Railroad tracks. Yeah, yeah.
A right on Antrim and a left on 84.
And then what did you hear?
Cocktail party.
What?
Drove through what sounded... ltsounded like a cocktail party.
There was chattering. It was right at the end.
Great. Now we got to look for a cocktail party
on the other side of the rail road track.
What's the exit where the rail road tracks are?
Crescent.
Mother, stay on Crescent, get off at the reservoir.
Okay.
There's a cocktail party at the reservoir?
Yeah. Yeah.
Very good, Bish. Remind me to make you an honorary blind person.
Great.
(GABBLING)
MOTHER: Where's this road go?
CARL: Nowhere. Looks like it ends right around that hill.
What's behind the hill?
Nothing. It's private property.
Private.
Forget it. It's a toy company.
A toy company, my ass. That's laser fencing.
There's high voltage on the perimeter.
The whole building says, "Go away."
It's Cosmo. I know it. The toy company's a front.
Mother, get the directional. Carl, get the video. Let's go.
MOTHER: Second floor, northwest two.
That's a bathroom.
Second floor, northwest three.
Ah, it's an emergency exit.
How do you know that?
I can hear the emergency floodlight batteries recharging.
Hold it right there. Crease, what's this mean?
"My voice is my passport. Verify me"?
Some sort of voiceprint I.D. I'll check it out.
What am I listening to now, Mother?
Third floor, southwest corner.
Oh, it's bursting with ultrasonic.
I've never heard sensors that powerful before.
Bish, someone is very serious about keeping people out of that room.
Yeah.
Okay.
MOTHER: Okay, there's the corner room with the motion detectors Whistler heard.
BISHOP: That's Cosmo's office. I saw the sensors.
They keep the lights on all night,
so we have to assume the sensors are on too.
It won't be easy getting in there.
Run this on ahead. Let's figure out who works next door.
It's fascinating what 50 bucks can get you at the county recorder's office.
What do you got?
PlayTronics' corporate headquarters.
The complete blueprints.
Not bad. Not bad, Carl.
Oh, thanks.
Where'd you get the 50 bucks?
I took it from Mother's wallet.
Good.
No, Mom, today's not a good day to come over. No...
Okay, what have we got here?
It's called a mantrap. I borrowed this demo from the manufacturer.
It's a digital voice-recognition monitor hooked up to an access booth.
NSA uses the same technology
to keep people out of restricted areas at Fort Meade.
Card?
Now speak right into this box.
Hi.
My name is Martin Bishop.
My voice is my passport. Verify me.
WHISTLER: And you can't pass through
unless your voiceprint matches the one encoded on the card.
So we need someone's card. And their voice.
Can we beat this with tape?
Has to be up close and personal.
Otherwise you'll be caught in a steel-reinforced booth
while the guards with the shotguns are called.
Ah, that's great.
Really great. What about motion detectors?
I'm picking one up this afternoon. That makes beating this look easy.
MOTHER: Hey, Bish, I think we've found our guy.
Okay, I've blown up the image a little. Here's the room next to Cosmo's.
Now it's the end of the day. Watch who comes out.
Let me zoom in on the front door.
A lady in a green skirt and this guy with the cap.
Nobody comes out for another 18 minutes. So it's one of those two.
Right. Here's the next evening. Again...
The office next to Cosmo's. Lights go out.
The guy in the cap.
Anybody else?
Nobody else comes out for 22 minutes. That's who works next door.
We'll use his office to get into Cosmo's. Can we get plates?
Let me see.
Zooming in.
Another bump. Enhancing.
There's your plate. 180 IQ.
Cute. All right. Carl, let's do this guy.
His name's Werner Brandes.
Single, 6'1", 174 pounds, must wear glasses to drive,
no outstanding tickets or warrants.
CARL: He leaves work between 6:00 and 7:00 every night,
takes the same route home, he obeys the speed limit,
comes to a complete stop at every stop sign and signals when he changes lanes.
He's a very safe driver.
CREASE: $750 limit on his Visa, pays his bills, no bad debts, no bum checks.
No registered firearms.
Member, International Microchip Designers Association
and chairman of the social committee.
Great. The world's most boring human.
How the hell are we going to get close enough to record him?
(RUSTLING)
Oh, Mother.
Sorry, Liz. Standard procedure. Trash from the guy's house.
And thank you for bringing it into mine.
BISHOP: Okay, let's see here. Phone bill, no long distance. Club Med brochure.
A ticket stub to a Barry Manilow concert.
Here it is. Here we go.
"Dear Compudater. Welcome to the world of automated compatibility."
He's a computer dater.
I love it. Let's get him a date.
What was the name of that girl that we used on the cereal company sneak last year?
Sandy Krieger? Forget it. Married a cop.
How about Barbara? Now, she was cute.
Yeah, but she'd never do it. She regards this work asjuvenﬂe.
That's why she divorced me. How about your friend Jessie?
Yeah, she's buff. Fellows...
Fellows, look at this man's trash. He's not looking for buff.
It's the nicest garbage I've ever seen.
The man who folded this tube of Crest
is looking for someone meticulous, refined...
Anal.
What?
(SINGING BAD, BAD LEROY BROWN)
Werner? Hi. I'm Doris.
Hi.
Are you ready for the dim sum bar?
Oh, I'm not really in any hurry.
All right. I'll be right back.
So. So.
What an interesting name you have. How exactly do you pronounce it?
CREASE: This is what's in Cosmo's office.
(BEEPING)
The best motion sensor on the market.
Watch this.
(BREATHES)
(BEEPING)
it also responds to thermal differentials.
Does this have a happy ending?
Oh, yeah.
We can wrap you in a full body suit of neoprene, heat-resistant rubber,
or we can raise the temperature
in Cosmo's office to 98.6 degrees,
which is probably what we'll have to do
because the neoprene would suffocate you.
Either way, you've got a top speed of two inches per second.
Any faster than that...
And big guys with guns. You'll probably do fine.
Since when am I the one...
This is the same answering machine Janek used for the shell of his box.
That's what you'll be carrying across the floor at two inches per second.
I got that for you because I figured you'd just want to practice with it.
Remember to go real slow!
Slow.
You get all the fun stuff.
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
So, what about travel? Where do you like to go? Europe? Mexico?
I don't know. I've never been out of the country.
I think they want us to leave.
Sit down, Werner.
(LAUGHING GAILY)
Talk to me. You know what?
I really love the sound of your voice.
Really? I always thought it was kind of nasal and pinched.
Oh no, not at all. It's lovely.
And there's this one word. I've always loved the sound of this word.
Oh no! No, what? What?
You wouldn't. Never mind. I would. What, please?
Oh, all right.
I would really like to hear you say the word...
"Passport."
Passport?
Passport.
You know, you're right. We ought to leave.
Doris?
Would you like to have breakfast with me?
Sure, fine.
Shall I phone you or nudge you?
Check, please.
(TAPE PLAYING SLOWLY)
(VOICE OVER MACHINE) Hi. My name is Werner Brandes.
My voice is my passport. Verify me. Thank you.
(TYPING)
Is that the gardener? I thought he'd already left.
I guess not.
May I use yourjohn, please?
(SHUFFLING)
(GRUNTS)
Listen, a few minutes ago, a gardener came...
Skip it. I see him.
Okay, fellows, I'm out of here. Carl, have a nice ride.
Oh, it's hot in here.
Uh-huh.
Maybe I'll just open this window a bit.
I'll join you as soon as I'm through pounding these breasts.
WERNER: Do you know, the best thing about this meal,
besides it's absolutely fabulous, is that it only has 400 calories.
LIZ: Oh, great.
WERNER: I'm very concerned about what we eat.
You are.
What would you say is the ideal diet?
Well, sort of, eat, sort of on the run. I'm really busy, so...
The ideal diet, don't laugh, is the bottom of a monkey cage.
I'm sorry?
Take a look at the bottom of a monkey cage.
Is someone at your door?
Just a second. I'm not expecting anyone.
No. Nobody there.
Oh, I'm sorry. We're all alone.
I'll just close the window. It's okay now.
It's true. I read that once.
I don't know. What are you talking about?
You have fruit, greens...
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
MAN ON PHONE: Good evening. PlayTronics.
Cattle mutilations are up.
Don't.
Sorry.
Hey, here we go.
We've got video, all eight of them.
Whistler, hit record.
You're coming in fine.
You are clear all the way up to the mantrap.
HIGH-PITCHED VOICE ON TAPE: Hi, my name is...
(STOPS TAPE)
(TAPE REWINDING)
Hi, my name is Werner Brandes.
My voice is my passport. Verify me.
There's a three-foot area in the corner,
just outside the sensor's range.
Good. Hold on. Whistler?
Carl, how's the weather?
98.6 and holding.
Beauty. We got body temp, Crease.
Go.
Once again, I am so sorry about dinner.
No, it was really delicious.
No, no. I overcooked the carrots.
No, I like them really squishy like that.
That's cute.
Oh, oh, watch. Watch this.
(CHUCKLES)
Play dead.
Great!
I designed the voice recognition chip.
What a thing to do! Could I just make a quick phone call?
Sure. It's in the bedroom.
Upstairs?
Yeah, just go upstairs and then walk straight forward.
The first one is a closet.
Oh, pooch. Look what you've done to Doris's purse.
Hmm.
(RINGING)
Psst!
What do you say we go for a ride, Doris?
CREASE: I don't believe this!
Now what are you saying? The NSA killed Kennedy?
No, they shot him, but they didn't kill him. He's still alive.
That's it. I've had it. I don't want to talk to you anymore.
Just do your job. I don't want to talk to you anymore.
Okay, fine.
It was the same people who framed Pete Rose.
LIZ: Boy, this was fun. Wanna go back?
No, we're almost there.
Almost where?
Crease! Forget it.
No, Crease. Forget it.
Wernerjust pulled up. He's got Liz with him.
No.
Martin? I think you better hurry.
The one thing I can't do is hurry.
"Come on. I want you to say it for me just one time.
"Passport. You have such a beautiful voice."
I'm Dr. Brandes. I work up on three. I believe this phony
is involved in some plot to break into my office.
Hold it! Hold it! Let me see your entry card.
You took my card. What card? See?
Sir, we have a problem.
(ALL CHATTERING)
I think that someone is trying to break into my office!
Let's take a look at his office.
Well?
Well, everything seems to be in order.
Does it? Yes, sir.
Very sorry to have troubled you, miss.
Not as sorry as I am. Werner?
They're letting her go.
We'll call you a cab.
Thank you. This is my last computer date.
Wait.
A computer matched her with him? I don't think so.
Marty.
Why is it so hot in here?
Marty!
(ALARM TRILLING)
CREASE: Martin, we've got six guards in the front lobby,
four in the south corridor, five upstairs north.
Guards in the boiler room.
Oh, God.
Carl, listen carefully. You've got trouble.
Heating ducts over the furnace.
You'll be all right. Find the heating ducts above the furnace.
That'll lead you to the elevator chase.
There's a fire escape at the end of the north corridor.
You'll have to break through fire walls. Have him go south.
No. Go directly north, 30 yards. There's an air duct there!
Once you're there, let me know.
Blue team, move to corridor one. Green team, secure north corridor.
He'll be in a crawl space. Break through.
Crease? I'm in northeast three, over the corridor.
I think it's a dead end. Don't move.
Don't worry. We'll get you out of there.
We've got guards at every stairwell. Can you hear if there's any...
Oh no.
What? Don't say "Oh no."
This is Wallace. I'm in northeast three. I'm gonna check it out.
Martin, we lost...
(GREASE CHATTERING ON RADIO)
Do you read me?
Damn!
COSMO ON INTERCOM: Stop shooting.
Marty?
I know you are in the building
and I know you can hear me.
God.
You should not have come back, Marty.
I won and you lost.
If our friendship had meant anything to you at all,
that is the way you should have left it.
But you always had to be the one to win, didn't you?
You were the one who got away with things while I never did.
You always had to get the girl, didn't you?
Sol never did...
At least not until now.
She's lovely, Marty.
Please.
Marty, please bring me the box.
You must know they will never let either of you live if you try to get out.
I am your way out.
I'm your only way out.
If I wanted you dead...
You'd be dead.
Mart)',
I cannot kill you.
You have to trust me.
Guys, I'm going in. Do you hear me, Carl?
Yes.
Hi. Hi.
How are you? Fine. How are you?
Yeah.
So you have my box.
We have a deal. Right?
Wait a second. Wait a minute!
Goddamn it, you gave me your word!
I cannot kill my friend.
Kill my friend.
You son of a bitch.
You didn't really think we were gonna let you go, did you?
You didn't really think I was gonna let you have this box, did you?
What?
Now.
Now? What are you talking about?
Now!
You're damn right, now!
Carl, now!
Geronimo!
(LIZ SCREAMING)
(GUN FIRES)
LIZ: Let go of him.
I mean it. I'm an excellent marksman. Woman! Move!
Oh, sure. Sure.
Get up.
YOul
Carl, what the hell were you waiting for?
That's not easy, what I just did.
Guys, could we get out of here? Yeah.
Here.
I'm up! up, up, up!
Hurry!
Crease, we're on the roof.
There's a fire escape on the north side. Is it clear?
Yes, clear.
Where are you?
GREASE: On a hill overlooking the northeast corner of the lot.
BISHOP: There.
Beautiful. Come and get us.
Hurry up. We've only got a few minutes before anybody knows we're gone.
Coming to get you.
Putyourhands where I can see them and step out of the van.
You too, midnight.
Bish, they've got Crease and Mother.
(WIND WHISTLING)
Shit!
Whistler, you've got to do it.
Do what?
You gotta drive. I'll talk you through it. Now, hurry.
Drive what?
Okay, Bish.
There's a gate about 30 yards behind you.
Put it in reverse and floor it.
Did I ever tell you why I had to leave the CIA?
No.
What's reverse?
One down.
My temper.
Wow!
Motherfuckers mess with me, I'll split your head!
Crease, where's Whistler going?
Bish? I'm going backwards.
You're doing fine. Doing fine.
(SHOUTS)
Now, hit the brakes! Now!
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
Okay, put the gearshift down two notches.
Down two notches.
Turn left. Floor it.
I'm going forward.
Do... Straighten out.
Oh, what was that?
Okay, keep coming.
Oh, God, I'm driving! I'm driving!
No, don't do that. I'm driving!
BISHOP: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Go left!
My... My left. Right.
Go right! Right!
It's okay.
Beautiful! Keep coming. Keep coming.
Now, you're gonna go down a very gentle slope.
Okay, fine. Great. No problem.
Oh boy!
Doing okay. Five more seconds and stop.
I think I'll stop right here.
(LIZ CHEERING)
Whistler, that was great!
Whistler! That was great!
CARL: I'm taking the wheel. In the back.
Where's Martin?
Marty.
Would you step away from the ladder?
You will give me the box right now, or I will kill you right now.
No.
Jesus!
Just give me the box, Marty.
I thought you couldn't kill your friend, Cos. I missed on purpose!
Give me the box. Take the goddamn thing! I don't want it.
You win, I lose. That's what you want, isn't it?
Say it! Say it!
Yes!
I'm sorry, Cos.
You could have shared this with me.
I know. You could have had the power.
I don't want it.
Don't you know the places we can go with this?
Yeah, I do. There's nobody there.
Exactly.
The world isn't run by weapons anymore, or energy or money.
It's run by little ones and zeroes, little bits of data.
It's all just electrons.
I don't care.
I don't expect other people to understand this,
but I do expect you to understand this. We started this journey together.
It wasn't a journey, Cos. It was a prank.
There's a war out there, old friend, a world war.
And it's not about who's got the most bullets.
It's about who controls the information,
what we see and hear, how we work, what we think.
It's all about the information.
If I were you, I'd destroy that thing.
Don't go.
You do what you have to do, Cos.
But if you want to stop me, you'll have to pull the trigger.
You.
CREASE: I can't believe we actually made it back.
I can't believe we pulled off the greatest sneak in history,
and we can't tell anybody.
You know what I can't believe? Tomorrow's Thursday!
Not one word.
All of you, step over here.
Hands over your head. Move!
Move!
ABBOTT: Mr. Bishop.
I'm Bernard Abbott, National Security Agency.
We spoke on the phone.
I believe you have something that belongs to me.
It's interesting, don't you think, you guys, that the NSA is here?
I thought the FBI was supposed to do this kind of thing.
Absolutely. This is outside the NSA's jurisdiction.
Unless the NSA didn't want anybody to know about Janek's little black box.
I keep thinking about something Greg told me.
He said our codes were based on an entirely different system than the Russian codes,
so this box really wouldn't work on them.
The only thing it would really be good for is spying on Americans.
Sure, with a box like that they could read the FBl's mail.
Or the CIA's. Or the White House's.
No wonder they don't want to share with the other children.
What do you want, Mr. Bishop?
Clear up my record. Get out of my life.
I don't have much choice, do I?
Not unless you wanna read about it in Newsweek.
Deal. The box.
MOTHER: Not so fast.
I want a Winnebago.
What?
Fully equipped, big kitchen, water bed, microwave.
This is not a car dealership, pal.
He wants a Winnebago.
All right, a Winnebago.
Thank you. Burgundy interior.
Now the box.
(CREASE CLEARING THROAT)
I have never taken my wife to Europe.
I'm sorry to hear it. Give me the box.
You will buy me two round-trip, first-class tickets
to Athens, Lisbon, Madrid and Scotland.
Don't forget Tahiti.
And Tahiti.
Tahiti is not in Europe.
Excuse me.
When you get the box, then you give us geography lessons.
Until then, this man goes to Tahiti.
Fine! Tahiti!
Carl?
The young lady with the Uzi, is she single?
Carl. Excuse us.
This is the brass ring. You gotta think bigger thoughts.
I just want her telephone number.
Please?
How about a lunch? You can chaperon. No.
I will not do this.
Hey, Abby, come on.
The FBl'd give him twins. No!
Wait a second.
You can have anything you want, and you're asking for my phone number?
Yes.
273-9164. Area code 415.
I'm Carl. I'm Mary.
I'm going to be sick.
ABBOTT: Are we done here? Not yet. Whistler.
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward men.
This is ridiculous.
He's serious.
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward men.
We are the United States government. We don't do that sort of thing.
You're just gonna have to try.
All right. I'll see what I can do.
Thank you very much. That's all I ask.
How about you? What do you want?
Oh, I'm fine.
May I have the box?
You know it doesn't work. It never did.
That's not important, is it?
What's really important is that none of this everhappened.
This box doesn't exist.
I never saw it before.
Remember that.
Bishop?
All you did was say it was broken.
Can't they still just hook it up and do terrible things with it?
Nope.
In a surprise announcement,
the Republican National Committee has revealed it is bankrupt.
A spokesman for the party said they had plenty of money in their accounts last week,
but today they just don't know where the money has gone.
But not everybody's going begging.
Amnesty International, Greenpeace, and the United Negro College Fund
announced record earnings this week, due mostly to large, anonymous donations.