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HOST: Okay, you ready for this?

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CONTESTANT: As ever.
HOST: Let's do it.

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Let's play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

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Who wrote the phrase ''No man is an island''?

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John Donne? John Milton?

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John F. Kennedy?

8
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Jon Bon Jovi?

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WILL: Jon Bon Jovi. Too easy.

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And, if I may say so,
a complete load of bollocks.

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In my opinion, all men are islands.

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And what's more, now's the time to be one.

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This is an island age.

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A hundred years ago,
you had to depend on other people.

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No one had TV or CDs or DVDs or videos...

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...or home espresso makers.

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Actually, they didn't have anything cool.

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Whereas now, you see...

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...you can make yourself a little island paradise.

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With the right supplies and the right attitude...

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...you can be sun-drenched, tropical, a magnet...

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...for young Swedish tourists.

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ANSWERING MACHINE: Hi, it's Kristina.
I haven't heard from you.

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I had a great time last weekend.
So give me a call, okay? 'Bye.

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WILL: And I like to think that perhaps
I am that kind of island.

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I like to think I'm pretty cool.

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I like to think I'm Ibiza.

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[Happy, light, instrumental rock music]

29
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MARCUS: There were people who had
a good time in life.

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I was beginning to realize I wasn't one of them.

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I just didn't fit.

32
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I didn't fit at my old school.

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I definitely didn't fit at my new one.

34
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I heard that some kids
got taught by their parents at home.

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Mum couldn't do that,
unless I paid her to teach me.

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Because it was just her and me.
And she went to work.

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She made £400 a week.

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Where was I gonna get
that kind of money from?

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Maybe if I was like that movie kid,
Haley Joel Osment...

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...I could pay her that much.

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But if that meant being
good at drama, forget it.

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I was crap at drama.

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'Cause I hated standing
up in front of people.

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So, basically, I had to go to school.

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[Light, upbeat instrumental piano music]

46
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[Music becomes livelier]

47
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[Car lock beep]

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WILL: The sad fact is that,
like any island dweller...

49
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...from time to time I had
to visit the mainland.

50
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CHRISTINE: This is Imogene.
You can hold her if you like.

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That's.... Well, okay.

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Yeah. Got her. Lovely.

53
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Yeah, she's delightful, isn't she?

54
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I know. Isn't she?

55
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To tell the truth,
I'm being crap with her.

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You better take her back.

57
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CHRISTINE: She could've been yours
if you got your act together.

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WILL: Just think of that, yeah.

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So, the place is looking really nice.

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JOHN: Barney, Barney, Barney.

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Say hello to Will, Barney.

62
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WILL: Here we go.
It's the Antichrist.

63
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Hello, Barney. How are you?

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-He's lovely.
-Yeah.

65
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And what about you, Will?
Any desire for a family of your own yet?

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WILL: I'd rather eat Barney's nappies.

67
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Not really. I'm sort of all right as I am.

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Please, Will.

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What does that mean? "Please" what?

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Look at yourself.

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You're 38 and you've never had a job...

72
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...or a relationship
that lasted longer than two months.

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I wouldn't exactly say you were okay.

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I mean, I would say you were a disaster.

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I mean, what is the point of your life?

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Bloody hell.

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You're right.
There's probably no point to my life...

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...but thank you for bringing it up.

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The reason we wanted you to come here today
was we wanted to ask you...

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...how would you like to be
Imogene's godfather?

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WILL: Seriously?
CHRISTINE: Seriously.

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Listen, I'm really, really touched.

83
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But you must be joking.

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I couldn't possibly think
of a worse godfather for Imogene.

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You know me.
I'll drop her at her christening.

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I'll forget her birthdays until her 18th,
when I'll take her out and get her drunk...

87
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...and possibly, let's face it,
you know, try and shag her.

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I mean, seriously, it's a very, very bad choice.

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We know, I just thought you had hidden depths.

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No. No. You've always had that wrong.

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I really am this shallow.

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[Soft guitar music]

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Here we are.

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You know you don't have to walk me
to school anymore now, Mum.

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I know the way now.

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But what if I like walking you to school?

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Right.

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Who are you?

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I'm me.

100
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And what are you not?

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A sheep.

102
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Right. And what does a sheep go?

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[Baaing like a sheep, laughing]

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[Kids chattering in background]

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Marcus?

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I love you.

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Look.

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I love you, too.

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[Soft guitar music]

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"I love you, Marcus!"

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[Kids repeat "I love you"]

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KID: "Love you!"

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Look at him!

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[Music becomes livelier]

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WILL: While I couldn't accept the offer...

116
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...to become their child's godfather...

117
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...I did allow them to set me up with Angie,
a rather beautiful coworker of Christine's.

118
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They had, however, being them,
neglected to tell me one thing.

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There's something you don't know about me.

120
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Yeah?

121
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Something exciting?

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[Angie giggles]

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I think so, yes.

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I have a 3-year-old boy.

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WILL: I wanted to throw the napkin on the floor,
push over the table and run.

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Brilliant. I love kids.

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Yeah. I like messing about with them.

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Doing kid things.

129
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I'd have been disappointed
if you didn't have a child.

130
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Why do you say that?

131
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WILL: God knows.

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Mainly because it sounded smooth and winning.

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Because I love kids so much. They're so lovely.

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WILL: What in God's name are you saying,
you idiot?

135
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She can't be buying this rubbish.

136
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But she did buy my rubbish.

137
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And for the next few weeks
I was suddenly Will the Good Guy.

138
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Her kid took to me,
mainly because on our first meeting...

139
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...I took him to the zoo
and held him upside down by his ankles.

140
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I wish relationships
with proper humans were that easy.

141
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You know, you are brilliant.

142
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WILL: I came to realize that with single mums...

143
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...particularly ones who'd been badly treated...

144
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...and eventually abandoned by the father
of their children, you became by comparison....

145
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You are a wonderful person.

146
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No, I'm not.

147
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WILL: But it was hard
to be wonderful all the time.

148
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Eventually I began to wonder whether
Angie was exactly what I was looking for.

149
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For instance, she was late for the new IMAX
movie because the babysitter hadn't turned up.

150
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ANGIE: I'm so sorry.
WILL: It's all right.

151
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WILL: That pissed me off.

152
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-You okay?
-Yes.

153
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WILL: And there were deeper problems.

154
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She couldn't stay at my place,
and she didn't have a DVD, or satellite or cable.

155
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So we were always stuck watching some crap
made-for-TV movie about a kid with leukemia.

156
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TV DOCTOR: I'm afraid there's nothing
we can do.

157
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TV MOTHER: God! No! Please, please, no!

158
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WILL: I was going to have to end it.

159
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But having been Will the Good Guy...

160
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...I didn't relish going back to my role of Will
the Unreliable, Emotionally-stunted Asshole.

161
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EX: I'm sorry?

162
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You're breaking up with me? You...

163
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...self-centered bastard.

164
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I can't believe I've wasted all this time with you!

165
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You useless, superficial loser.

166
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ANGIE: Will...

167
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WILL: Then something magical happened.

168
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I'm sorry.

169
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I'm not sure this is working out. It's not you.

170
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You've been great. It's me.

171
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:01,734
Well, my situation with Louie and his dad.

172
00:10:01,994 --> 00:10:05,944
I'm not ready to launch into a relationship
with anybody new.

173
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Yeah.

174
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I'm so sorry.

175
00:10:20,931 --> 00:10:22,804
I think I understand.

176
00:10:23,475 --> 00:10:26,726
You're a wonderful man, Will.

177
00:10:29,690 --> 00:10:33,355
WILL: I'd never watched a woman
cry without feeling responsible before.

178
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She even wanted me to forgive her.
It felt amazing.

179
00:10:36,989 --> 00:10:40,939
Listen, you don't have anything
to feel sorry about. Really.

180
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WILL: So that was the end of Angie,
but the beginning of a whole new thing.

181
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Single mums.

182
00:10:46,541 --> 00:10:48,996
Why hadn't anyone told me about them before?

183
00:10:49,085 --> 00:10:53,082
Passionate sex, a lot of ego massage
and a guilt-free parting.

184
00:10:53,172 --> 00:10:57,466
There must be thousands, just waiting
for a nice guy to sleep with and break up with.

185
00:10:57,551 --> 00:11:00,588
Fabulous, sexy, gorgeous single mums.

186
00:11:03,599 --> 00:11:05,508
Can I have Cocoa Puffs?

187
00:11:05,601 --> 00:11:07,345
No, it's not Sunday.

188
00:11:07,437 --> 00:11:10,557
MARCUS: The crying had started again.
And it scared me...

189
00:11:12,025 --> 00:11:13,685
...'cause now it was in the mornings.

190
00:11:13,777 --> 00:11:15,733
She'd never done that before.

191
00:11:18,948 --> 00:11:21,865
I couldn't figure it out. Nobody was dead.

192
00:11:22,368 --> 00:11:26,580
She had a job as a music therapist,
which is kind of a teacher for sick kids.

193
00:11:26,873 --> 00:11:29,282
So there was enough money
for food and everything.

194
00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:31,084
Should I get my own breakfast?

195
00:11:31,170 --> 00:11:32,961
No, I'm doing it.

196
00:11:41,639 --> 00:11:44,640
So, you looking forward to school today?

197
00:11:44,725 --> 00:11:46,802
[Light, folk rock music]

198
00:11:48,104 --> 00:11:50,061
TEACHER: Today, you'll need to effect...

199
00:11:50,190 --> 00:11:53,107
...the decimal point when you multiply it by 10...

200
00:11:53,193 --> 00:11:55,481
...100 and 1000.

201
00:11:57,530 --> 00:12:00,365
[Sings] "Nothing to do but frown

202
00:12:00,742 --> 00:12:05,866
"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down"

203
00:12:10,543 --> 00:12:12,785
Thank you very much, Marcus.

204
00:12:12,879 --> 00:12:14,753
[Soft guitar music]

205
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,713
[Kids laughing]

206
00:12:23,515 --> 00:12:24,974
Hi, Nicky. Hi, Mark.

207
00:12:25,058 --> 00:12:28,593
-Are you going to Computer Club later?
-I don't know. Marcus...

208
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,768
Madonna! Go on, give us a song!

209
00:12:31,857 --> 00:12:33,351
You'd like that, wouldn't you?

210
00:12:33,442 --> 00:12:35,352
Spice Girls or something. Three of them.

211
00:12:35,445 --> 00:12:36,773
Yeah. Hey, Spice Girls.

212
00:12:40,533 --> 00:12:42,490
You made me lose my football.

213
00:12:43,703 --> 00:12:47,915
Marcus, we don't really want you
hanging around with us anymore.

214
00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:50,491
-Why not?
-Well, it's because of them.

215
00:12:50,585 --> 00:12:52,873
-They've got nothing to do with me.
-Yes, they do.

216
00:12:52,962 --> 00:12:56,461
We never had trouble with them
before we started hanging out with you.

217
00:12:56,549 --> 00:12:58,922
Now we get it every single day.

218
00:12:59,218 --> 00:13:01,544
Besides, everyone thinks you're weird.

219
00:13:01,638 --> 00:13:03,382
Only a bit, though.

220
00:13:05,767 --> 00:13:07,012
Okay.

221
00:13:09,771 --> 00:13:10,886
'Bye.

222
00:13:17,695 --> 00:13:18,858
MARCUS: There you have it.

223
00:13:19,155 --> 00:13:23,235
I was having a shit time at home
and a shit time at school.

224
00:13:26,955 --> 00:13:29,873
Will: It was fine deciding
single mums were the future...

225
00:13:29,959 --> 00:13:32,960
...but the frustrating truth was
I didn't have their numbers.

226
00:13:33,045 --> 00:13:35,252
-Hi, Dad.
-Hey.

227
00:13:38,343 --> 00:13:40,169
WILL: Where did they hang out?

228
00:13:45,475 --> 00:13:47,966
[Bold, funk instrumental music]

229
00:14:02,451 --> 00:14:05,202
WILL: I'm a single father,
I have a 2-year-old boy.

230
00:14:05,287 --> 00:14:07,493
I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.

231
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,823
I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.

232
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:12,668
I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.

233
00:14:13,378 --> 00:14:14,409
WILL: SPAT.

234
00:14:14,630 --> 00:14:15,958
This was exciting.

235
00:14:16,048 --> 00:14:18,799
A potential gold mine of single mums.

236
00:14:18,884 --> 00:14:21,968
I could see the beautiful creatures now,
getting roaring drunk...

237
00:14:22,054 --> 00:14:25,008
...forgetting their troubles,
ready to rock and roll.

238
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:27,506
MOIRA: That was when
I was 7 months pregnant.

239
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:31,979
By the time I had the baby,
he was in Majorca with another woman.

240
00:14:32,899 --> 00:14:36,481
Not even the one
he cheated on me with the first time.

241
00:14:36,986 --> 00:14:40,438
Well, with me, it was the week before the birth.

242
00:14:41,616 --> 00:14:43,656
He said I'd got too fat.

243
00:14:45,203 --> 00:14:47,611
Mine was shagging his secretary.

244
00:14:48,248 --> 00:14:49,790
Such a cliché.

245
00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:53,125
WILL: I'll tell you one thing:
Men are bastards.

246
00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:54,534
After about 10 minutes...

247
00:14:54,629 --> 00:14:57,915
...I wanted to cut my own penis off
with a kitchen knife.

248
00:15:01,010 --> 00:15:02,089
Me.

249
00:15:02,178 --> 00:15:03,044
Yes.

250
00:15:05,098 --> 00:15:07,221
I have a 2-year-old. Ned.

251
00:15:11,312 --> 00:15:14,432
He's got blue eyes
and sort of sandy-colored hair...

252
00:15:14,524 --> 00:15:16,731
...and he's about 2'3''.

253
00:15:18,362 --> 00:15:20,153
And his mum left.

254
00:15:20,697 --> 00:15:23,318
-Really?
-Yeah.

255
00:15:23,950 --> 00:15:27,284
Yeah, I mean,
obviously it was a very big shock...

256
00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:29,987
...because we were so happy, you know?

257
00:15:30,082 --> 00:15:33,666
Sandra's neurology practice
was just up and running...

258
00:15:34,337 --> 00:15:38,880
...and then one day her bags were packed,
and my best friend was waiting outside...

259
00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:40,425
...in his Ferrari.

260
00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:42,218
Yeah. You know, the Modena?

261
00:15:42,303 --> 00:15:47,381
The one with the supercharged engine,
where you can see it through the back window?

262
00:15:48,727 --> 00:15:51,977
-You got dumped then?
-Yeah.

263
00:15:56,318 --> 00:15:59,069
SUZIE: May I ask, does your ex see Ned at all?

264
00:16:01,364 --> 00:16:03,606
Sorry, I didn't catch your name.

265
00:16:04,076 --> 00:16:05,024
Suzie.

266
00:16:05,369 --> 00:16:06,567
Suzie.

267
00:16:07,162 --> 00:16:09,618
She doesn't see much of him, no.

268
00:16:09,998 --> 00:16:12,156
How does he cope with that?

269
00:16:12,417 --> 00:16:14,077
He's a very good little boy.

270
00:16:14,169 --> 00:16:16,410
Very, very brave.

271
00:16:16,504 --> 00:16:18,830
They've got amazing resources, don't they?

272
00:16:18,924 --> 00:16:21,545
Just the other day I was thinking about my ex.

273
00:16:21,635 --> 00:16:26,213
He came crawling up, put his little pudgy arms
around my neck, and he said:

274
00:16:26,432 --> 00:16:28,341
"You hang in there, Dad."

275
00:16:28,850 --> 00:16:31,259
God, that's amazing for a 2-year-old!

276
00:16:32,439 --> 00:16:33,636
Is it?

277
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:35,605
[Affirmative sounds]

278
00:16:36,192 --> 00:16:39,110
Yeah, he's very special. Very, very special.

279
00:16:39,195 --> 00:16:42,150
Sometimes I think, you know,
he's the one taking care of me.

280
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,778
Teaching me the ways of the world.

281
00:16:47,036 --> 00:16:48,365
Sorry.

282
00:16:52,626 --> 00:16:53,539
Thank you.

283
00:16:53,627 --> 00:16:56,747
WILL: My God, what a performance!
I was even fooling myself.

284
00:16:56,838 --> 00:16:59,543
[Light, funky instrumental music]

285
00:17:02,511 --> 00:17:04,800
There you go. You okay?

286
00:17:04,889 --> 00:17:06,264
Yeah. Perfect, thanks.

287
00:17:06,348 --> 00:17:07,843
-Trust me?
-Of course.

288
00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:10,638
WILL: By the end of the evening,
I had a date lined up.

289
00:17:10,728 --> 00:17:12,720
ALL: Single parents alone together!

290
00:17:12,812 --> 00:17:17,143
Single parents alone together!
All for one and one for all!

291
00:17:19,403 --> 00:17:23,483
WILL: The problem was I also had
an imaginary 2-year-old son.

292
00:17:54,272 --> 00:17:58,352
The date was a SPATpicnic in Regent's Park,
with everyone bringing their kids.

293
00:17:58,902 --> 00:18:00,313
Sadly, Ned couldn't be there.

294
00:18:00,404 --> 00:18:03,073
His mum had come
and picked him up at the last second.

295
00:18:03,156 --> 00:18:04,781
-What a shame.
-Yeah.

296
00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:06,064
I'm sorry.

297
00:18:06,159 --> 00:18:09,493
-Got it.
-This is Megan, by the way.

298
00:18:09,747 --> 00:18:11,122
Hello, Megan.

299
00:18:11,206 --> 00:18:12,071
Yeah.

300
00:18:12,165 --> 00:18:14,574
A friend of mine from SPAT
isn't feeling so great...

301
00:18:14,668 --> 00:18:17,373
...so I said that we'd take her kid
to the picnic, too.

302
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:19,585
-Is that all right?
-Yeah.

303
00:18:19,673 --> 00:18:22,081
The more the merrier. Right.

304
00:18:22,176 --> 00:18:23,968
Come on, slowcoach!

305
00:18:27,389 --> 00:18:28,931
MARCUS: I hated that SPATlot.

306
00:18:29,016 --> 00:18:34,392
Mum's friend Suzie was fine, but now there
was that wally who wanted to get off with her.

307
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,390
Marcus, Will. Will, Marcus.

308
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,145
Hi there.

309
00:18:39,736 --> 00:18:40,731
Right.

310
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:45,862
Pile in, everyone.
Look what a mess Ned made of the car seat.

311
00:18:47,577 --> 00:18:49,405
What a shame he can't come.

312
00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:51,621
So, what do you do?

313
00:18:52,416 --> 00:18:53,329
Me?

314
00:18:54,584 --> 00:18:58,119
WILL: There were too many lies
to keep track of so I told the truth.

315
00:18:58,213 --> 00:19:01,665
-Nothing.
-Well, before then.

316
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:05,129
-What do you mean, before I did nothing?
-Yeah.

317
00:19:05,262 --> 00:19:07,136
I did nothing.

318
00:19:07,765 --> 00:19:10,220
You've never worked?

319
00:19:10,392 --> 00:19:15,019
I've done the odd day here and there, but, no.

320
00:19:16,482 --> 00:19:18,059
Crazy, isn't it?

321
00:19:18,442 --> 00:19:19,438
It's...

322
00:19:23,822 --> 00:19:24,853
Brilliant.

323
00:19:26,242 --> 00:19:28,947
WILL: My God, I was going to have to tell her.

324
00:19:29,036 --> 00:19:33,829
What happened, in fact,
was that my dad wrote a song...

325
00:19:33,916 --> 00:19:37,832
...in 1958, and it's quite a famous song...

326
00:19:37,921 --> 00:19:41,291
...and I basically live off the royalties of that.

327
00:19:41,383 --> 00:19:42,759
You know Michael Jackson?

328
00:19:42,843 --> 00:19:44,716
He makes a £1,000,000 a minute.

329
00:19:44,803 --> 00:19:47,045
That's £60,000,000 an hour.

330
00:19:47,139 --> 00:19:48,931
I don't make a £1,000,000 a minute.

331
00:19:49,016 --> 00:19:50,842
-Nothing like, sadly.
-How much then?

332
00:19:50,934 --> 00:19:52,097
Marcus!

333
00:19:52,185 --> 00:19:56,136
WILL: I was beginning to wonder
if we'd be stuck with this weird kid all day.

334
00:19:56,232 --> 00:19:58,354
So, what's this song then?

335
00:19:59,109 --> 00:20:02,194
If you can live off it, we must've heard of it.

336
00:20:02,530 --> 00:20:04,771
It's Santa's Super Sleigh.

337
00:20:04,865 --> 00:20:07,107
WILL: God, please don't sing it.

338
00:20:07,325 --> 00:20:12,747
[Sings] "Look who's coming round the bend
It's Santa and his reindeer friends

339
00:20:12,832 --> 00:20:17,660
"With a ho, ho, ho and a hey, hey, hey,
It's Santa's super sleigh"

340
00:20:18,629 --> 00:20:20,955
I expect people do that all the time.

341
00:20:21,465 --> 00:20:23,791
No, I think you two are the first.

342
00:20:23,885 --> 00:20:27,799
Sorry. I don't understand.
How does that make you money?

343
00:20:28,306 --> 00:20:30,345
Do carol singers have to pay you 10 percent?

344
00:20:30,432 --> 00:20:33,932
They should, but you can't
always catch the little bastards.

345
00:20:34,020 --> 00:20:37,188
So, how often do you look after him?
Marcus.

346
00:20:37,274 --> 00:20:39,397
Every once in a while.

347
00:20:40,194 --> 00:20:42,482
His mum's a little off-color sometimes.

348
00:20:42,571 --> 00:20:45,027
MARCUS: You call it off-color, I call it nuts.

349
00:20:45,157 --> 00:20:48,573
She's not nuts, Marcus.
She just needs a weekend taking it easy.

350
00:20:48,660 --> 00:20:52,528
We'll have a nice picnic, and when
you get home, she'll be all rested up.

351
00:20:52,623 --> 00:20:55,494
My God! What the hell is that?

352
00:20:55,584 --> 00:20:57,328
My mum's homemade bread.

353
00:20:59,212 --> 00:21:01,419
It looks pretty good.

354
00:21:01,507 --> 00:21:03,629
No, it isn't. It's healthy.

355
00:21:04,927 --> 00:21:07,881
[Ducks quacking:
light, cheerful instrumental music]

356
00:21:42,758 --> 00:21:44,797
You miss him, don't you?

357
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:47,585
Who?

358
00:21:49,932 --> 00:21:50,963
Ned!

359
00:21:51,767 --> 00:21:52,798
Yeah.

360
00:21:53,519 --> 00:21:55,725
Yeah, very much.

361
00:21:55,813 --> 00:21:57,556
He'd have loved this.

362
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:02,268
I think I killed a duck.

363
00:22:05,906 --> 00:22:07,863
MARCUS: I was only trying to feed it.

364
00:22:08,618 --> 00:22:11,025
WILL: What's that floating
in the water next to it?

365
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:13,077
Is that your mum's bread?

366
00:22:13,289 --> 00:22:16,788
You didn't have to throw the whole loaf.
That would've killed me.

367
00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:20,835
You the one who was throwing
bloody great loaves at the ducks?

368
00:22:21,004 --> 00:22:23,923
Yeah, he was, but I've stopped him now.

369
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:26,416
You know, boys will be boys, and all that.

370
00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:27,506
So he killed it.

371
00:22:27,595 --> 00:22:30,679
No. Sorry, I misunderstood you.
The duck was dead already.

372
00:22:30,765 --> 00:22:33,552
He was throwing bread
to try and sink the body...

373
00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:36,134
...because Megan here was getting upset.

374
00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:41,852
Marcus wouldn't kill a duck.
Would you, Marcus?

375
00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:45,811
No. I love ducks. They're my
second favorite animal after dolphins.

376
00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:48,658
They can kill sharks with their noses.

377
00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:53,444
I'll have to wade in and get it.

378
00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:56,909
Listen, I hope it's not some sort of epidemic.

379
00:22:58,336 --> 00:23:01,290
I think we beat the rap there, mate.

380
00:23:02,005 --> 00:23:03,713
Yeah. Well.

381
00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:07,672
FIONA: Marcus?

382
00:23:13,184 --> 00:23:14,298
Mum.

383
00:23:24,738 --> 00:23:29,067
MARCUS: That day, the Dead Duck Day,
was when it all began.

384
00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:34,072
That bloke Will just followed us in
and I didn't tell him not to.

385
00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:38,494
Afterwards, I realized that there was no way
I could have been nervous just then...

386
00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:42,536
...because just then I didn't know
there was anything to be nervous about.

387
00:23:42,632 --> 00:23:45,586
But then I put the key in the lock,
opened the door....

388
00:23:45,676 --> 00:23:46,874
SUZIE: Are you decent?

389
00:23:47,470 --> 00:23:49,961
MARCUS: And a new part of my life started.

390
00:23:50,056 --> 00:23:51,218
Bang!

391
00:23:51,307 --> 00:23:53,181
[Dramatic music]

392
00:23:55,686 --> 00:23:56,931
[Baby crying]

393
00:23:57,021 --> 00:23:58,515
Jesus Christ.

394
00:23:58,689 --> 00:23:59,686
SUZIE: Oh, my God.

395
00:24:00,525 --> 00:24:03,609
-Will, call an ambulance.
-Marcus, where's the phone?

396
00:24:04,653 --> 00:24:06,896
Where's the phone, mate?

397
00:24:08,199 --> 00:24:10,275
[Ambulance siren wails]

398
00:24:17,625 --> 00:24:20,330
[Soft, dramatic instrumental music]

399
00:24:23,590 --> 00:24:25,629
WILL: It was horrible. Horrible.

400
00:24:26,342 --> 00:24:29,676
But driving fast behind the ambulance
was fantastic.

401
00:24:30,513 --> 00:24:31,545
SUZIE: She's conscious.

402
00:24:31,848 --> 00:24:33,805
She was okay in the ambulance.

403
00:24:33,892 --> 00:24:35,386
She was asking after you, Marcus.

404
00:24:35,477 --> 00:24:37,268
That's nice of her.

405
00:24:38,396 --> 00:24:42,182
Listen, you know this has
nothing to do with you, don't you?

406
00:24:42,776 --> 00:24:45,446
I mean, you're not the reason that she...

407
00:24:45,779 --> 00:24:49,564
You're not the reason that she's here.
Isn't that right, Will?

408
00:24:52,078 --> 00:24:54,320
Yeah, that's right.

409
00:24:55,874 --> 00:24:57,664
I'll go get you some water.

410
00:24:57,875 --> 00:25:00,911
-I can get that.
-No, you're okay.

411
00:25:01,003 --> 00:25:03,080
[Phone rings in background]

412
00:25:08,636 --> 00:25:10,463
Your mum's going to be okay.

413
00:25:10,555 --> 00:25:11,930
Yeah, I suppose.

414
00:25:12,557 --> 00:25:15,178
That's not the point, though, is it?

415
00:25:15,268 --> 00:25:18,353
Right, you mean you're afraid
she might try again?

416
00:25:18,438 --> 00:25:20,347
Just shut up, all right?

417
00:25:22,150 --> 00:25:24,273
There you go, warm and flat.

418
00:25:24,486 --> 00:25:25,980
Are you with Fiona Brewer?

419
00:25:26,071 --> 00:25:27,482
Yes, I'm her friend Suzie.

420
00:25:27,572 --> 00:25:30,359
This is Marcus and Will.

421
00:25:30,450 --> 00:25:33,119
She's recovering well,
but we'll keep her overnight.

422
00:25:33,203 --> 00:25:38,114
I'm going to get a consent form for Ms. Brewer
so the boy can stay with you two tonight.

423
00:25:38,375 --> 00:25:39,573
Right.

424
00:25:42,129 --> 00:25:44,288
So, my place or yours?

425
00:25:44,798 --> 00:25:45,962
Sorry.

426
00:25:47,552 --> 00:25:49,627
[Soft, slow guitar music]

427
00:25:59,272 --> 00:26:00,351
Okay.

428
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,109
-I should get back to Ned, I think.
-I'll take that.

429
00:26:03,192 --> 00:26:04,520
All right.

430
00:26:04,610 --> 00:26:06,687
WILL: All in all, this was very interesting.

431
00:26:06,780 --> 00:26:08,902
So I'll call.

432
00:26:08,990 --> 00:26:11,481
WILL: But I wouldn't want to do it every night.

433
00:26:11,576 --> 00:26:12,655
See you soon.

434
00:26:12,744 --> 00:26:15,828
WILL: The thing is,
a person's life is like a TVshow.

435
00:26:15,956 --> 00:26:18,280
I was the star of The Will Show.

436
00:26:18,416 --> 00:26:21,583
And The Will Show wasn't an ensemble drama.

437
00:26:21,753 --> 00:26:24,291
Guests came and went, but I was the regular.

438
00:26:24,380 --> 00:26:26,789
It came down to me, and me alone.

439
00:26:27,216 --> 00:26:30,217
If Marcus' mum
couldn't manage her own show...

440
00:26:30,303 --> 00:26:34,348
...if her ratings were falling,
it was sad, but that was her problem.

441
00:26:34,516 --> 00:26:39,593
Ultimately, the whole single-mum plot line
was a bit complicated for me.

442
00:26:45,861 --> 00:26:48,151
[Sad, soft-rock folk song]

443
00:28:12,325 --> 00:28:15,279
I got the letter. Thanks.

444
00:28:18,331 --> 00:28:21,451
Oh, my God. I'd forgotten.

445
00:28:22,669 --> 00:28:24,044
You forgot?

446
00:28:24,128 --> 00:28:25,753
You forgot a suicide letter?

447
00:28:25,839 --> 00:28:29,290
I didn't think I'd have to remember it, did l?

448
00:28:33,513 --> 00:28:36,514
Did you read the part
where I said I'd always love you?

449
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,684
It's a bit hard for you
to love me when you're dead, isn't it?

450
00:28:39,770 --> 00:28:41,145
I'm sorry.

451
00:28:48,487 --> 00:28:52,533
I can understand why you're angry, Marcus.

452
00:28:57,956 --> 00:29:01,325
I don't feel the same as I did yesterday,
if that's any help.

453
00:29:01,418 --> 00:29:02,366
What?

454
00:29:02,836 --> 00:29:04,663
It's all just gone away? All that?

455
00:29:05,171 --> 00:29:06,203
No, but...

456
00:29:07,549 --> 00:29:10,799
...at the moment, I feel better.

457
00:29:11,135 --> 00:29:13,045
"At the moment" is no good to me.

458
00:29:13,138 --> 00:29:16,839
I can see you feel better at the moment.
You just put the kettle on.

459
00:29:16,934 --> 00:29:21,014
But what happens when you finish your tea?
What happens when I go back to school?

460
00:29:21,104 --> 00:29:24,604
-I can't be here to watch you all the time.
-I know.

461
00:29:25,901 --> 00:29:29,768
We have to look after each other. The two of us.

462
00:29:30,698 --> 00:29:34,529
MARCUS: Suddenly I realized
two people isn't enough.

463
00:29:35,035 --> 00:29:36,280
You need a backup.

464
00:29:36,370 --> 00:29:39,620
If you're only two people,
and someone drops off the edge...

465
00:29:39,707 --> 00:29:41,284
...then you're on your own.

466
00:29:41,375 --> 00:29:43,082
Two isn't a large enough number.

467
00:29:43,168 --> 00:29:45,126
You need three, at least.

468
00:29:45,505 --> 00:29:48,174
-Three what?
-Nothing.

469
00:29:48,717 --> 00:29:50,460
MARCUS: But I'd had a great idea.

470
00:29:51,595 --> 00:29:55,177
WILL: The important thing in island living
is to be your own activities director.

471
00:29:55,264 --> 00:29:58,017
I find the key is to think of a day
as units of time...

472
00:29:58,101 --> 00:30:01,517
...each unit consisting
of no more than 30 minutes.

473
00:30:01,604 --> 00:30:03,977
Full hours can be a little bit intimidating...

474
00:30:04,066 --> 00:30:06,521
...and most activities take about half an hour.

475
00:30:06,610 --> 00:30:08,353
Taking a bath: One unit.

476
00:30:08,945 --> 00:30:10,321
Watching Countdown:

477
00:30:10,405 --> 00:30:11,781
Okay....

478
00:30:12,115 --> 00:30:13,195
WILL: One unit.

479
00:30:14,159 --> 00:30:16,199
Web-based research:

480
00:30:17,872 --> 00:30:18,867
Two units.

481
00:30:18,956 --> 00:30:22,455
Exercising: Three units.

482
00:30:23,335 --> 00:30:26,122
Having my hair carefully disheveled: Four units.

483
00:30:26,213 --> 00:30:28,372
It's amazing how the day fills up.

484
00:30:28,466 --> 00:30:30,588
I often wonder, to be absolutely honest...

485
00:30:30,676 --> 00:30:33,345
...if I'd ever really have time for a job.

486
00:30:34,263 --> 00:30:36,302
How do people cram them in?

487
00:30:36,389 --> 00:30:38,263
[Cell phone rings]

488
00:30:41,687 --> 00:30:43,062
Yeah, Will here.

489
00:30:43,355 --> 00:30:45,479
MARCUS: It's Marcus.
WILL: Pardon?

490
00:30:45,650 --> 00:30:46,895
It's Marcus.

491
00:30:46,984 --> 00:30:48,148
WILL: Marcus?

492
00:30:48,820 --> 00:30:51,228
Marcus. Hi.

493
00:30:52,282 --> 00:30:54,109
How'd you get my number?

494
00:30:54,326 --> 00:30:55,275
From Suzie.

495
00:30:55,369 --> 00:30:58,286
I thought you'd like to take me out for the day
on Saturday.

496
00:30:58,372 --> 00:31:00,246
And why did you think that, Marcus?

497
00:31:00,332 --> 00:31:02,039
Suzie said we hit it off.

498
00:31:02,125 --> 00:31:03,916
WILL: Did she?
MARCUS: Yeah.

499
00:31:04,044 --> 00:31:06,961
-And you said, "See you soon."
-I said what?

500
00:31:07,047 --> 00:31:08,079
MARCUS: ''See you soon.''

501
00:31:08,173 --> 00:31:11,922
The night you dropped us off. Remember?
You said, "See you soon."

502
00:31:12,094 --> 00:31:16,043
This is soon, all right, Marcus.

503
00:31:16,306 --> 00:31:19,592
The thing is, mate,
my life is kind of hectic at the moment.

504
00:31:19,685 --> 00:31:21,761
Why? I thought you did nothing.

505
00:31:22,855 --> 00:31:26,804
I've got Ned and stuff to look after.

506
00:31:27,192 --> 00:31:30,692
Matter of fact, I should be on the way
to preschool right now.

507
00:31:30,780 --> 00:31:32,025
What's that noise?

508
00:31:32,114 --> 00:31:33,656
That's a lawn mower.

509
00:31:33,741 --> 00:31:36,528
So, you know, just time-wise it's not....

510
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,287
Tell you what, just hold the line one sec.

511
00:31:41,374 --> 00:31:43,200
Hold on, one sec. Thanks.

512
00:31:43,292 --> 00:31:45,332
WILL: But then I thought, ''Why not?''

513
00:31:45,420 --> 00:31:48,172
Why shouldn't I take
the poor little sod out for a meal?

514
00:31:48,256 --> 00:31:51,542
I could be Uncle Will.
Cool Uncle Will, King of the Kids.

515
00:31:53,178 --> 00:31:55,171
Okay, Marcus. You're on.

516
00:31:55,263 --> 00:31:57,256
I'll come if you take my mum, too.

517
00:31:57,349 --> 00:32:01,346
She has no money, so we'll have to go
somewhere cheap or you'll have to treat us.

518
00:32:01,436 --> 00:32:03,844
Listen, don't beat about the bush, Marcus.

519
00:32:03,939 --> 00:32:06,940
Why should l? We're poor.
You're rich. You pay.

520
00:32:07,026 --> 00:32:08,853
Bring your little boy, I don't mind.

521
00:32:08,943 --> 00:32:10,273
That's really big of you.

522
00:32:10,363 --> 00:32:12,485
Fine. Come round at 12:30 or something.

523
00:32:12,573 --> 00:32:13,817
Remember where we live?

524
00:32:13,907 --> 00:32:18,236
Flat 2, 31 Craysfield Road,
Islington, London, N12SF.

525
00:32:18,328 --> 00:32:19,906
England, the world, the universe.

526
00:32:19,997 --> 00:32:22,618
MARCUS: Yeah.
WILL: Marcus?

527
00:32:27,671 --> 00:32:30,921
So, Fiona, how are you?

528
00:32:32,301 --> 00:32:36,879
-I mean, how are you feeling?
-My stomach's fine.

529
00:32:37,973 --> 00:32:39,172
Great.

530
00:32:40,518 --> 00:32:43,139
I must still be a bit barmy, though.

531
00:32:43,229 --> 00:32:46,350
This kind of thing doesn't go away overnight,
does it?

532
00:32:47,317 --> 00:32:48,349
No.

533
00:32:50,946 --> 00:32:55,074
MARCUS: If Mum was going to get Will to marry
her, she'd have to quit making jokes.

534
00:32:55,158 --> 00:32:56,273
At least she looked good.

535
00:32:56,368 --> 00:32:58,076
I had her put on that nice hairy jumper...

536
00:32:58,161 --> 00:33:01,198
...and the earrings she got from her friend
that went to Zimbabwe.

537
00:33:01,290 --> 00:33:03,578
WILL: The kid seemed to think
this was a date.

538
00:33:03,667 --> 00:33:05,956
As for his mum, she was clearly insane...

539
00:33:06,045 --> 00:33:09,211
...and appeared to be wearing
some kind of Yeti costume.

540
00:33:09,298 --> 00:33:12,501
This had better be quick.
We were definitely not ordering starters.

541
00:33:12,593 --> 00:33:14,217
I'll start with the artichoke, please.

542
00:33:14,302 --> 00:33:17,422
Then I'll have a mushroom omelet with fries
and a Coke.

543
00:33:17,514 --> 00:33:20,515
-I'll have the vegetable platter.
-We're vegetarians.

544
00:33:20,809 --> 00:33:21,840
I'd never have guessed.

545
00:33:21,935 --> 00:33:24,308
Steak sandwich, please, mate. Thanks.

546
00:33:28,192 --> 00:33:30,149
MARCUS: This was going really well.

547
00:33:30,236 --> 00:33:34,280
I wondered if we were going to move into
Will's place or move into someplace new.

548
00:33:36,450 --> 00:33:40,697
[Sings] "I heard he sang a good song

549
00:33:41,372 --> 00:33:44,373
"I heard he had a style"

550
00:33:46,044 --> 00:33:48,832
WILL: I knew, of course,
the song couldn't last forever...

551
00:33:48,923 --> 00:33:51,496
...that I'd soon be at home, tucked up in bed.

552
00:33:51,592 --> 00:33:54,082
I knew it, but I couldn't feel it.

553
00:33:55,554 --> 00:33:58,839
[Sings] "And there he was, this young boy"

554
00:33:59,141 --> 00:34:02,344
WILL: I must've been insane.
All I'd wanted was a date with Suzie.

555
00:34:02,436 --> 00:34:03,895
This was my punishment.

556
00:34:03,979 --> 00:34:08,273
[Sings] "Strumming my pain with his fingers"

557
00:34:09,818 --> 00:34:12,570
WILL: The worst part was
when they closed their eyes.

558
00:34:12,780 --> 00:34:15,650
[Sings] "Killing me softly with his song

559
00:34:15,741 --> 00:34:17,568
"Killing me softly"

560
00:34:18,243 --> 00:34:19,951
Come sing with us, Will.

561
00:34:20,413 --> 00:34:22,986
I should really get going. Thanks.

562
00:34:24,625 --> 00:34:27,460
WILL: That's the problem with charity.
You must mean it.

563
00:34:27,544 --> 00:34:29,336
You have to mean things to help people.

564
00:34:29,422 --> 00:34:33,170
Like the time I volunteered
to help out at a soup kitchen...

565
00:34:33,258 --> 00:34:35,584
...and very nearly made it.

566
00:34:35,678 --> 00:34:37,718
Or the time at Amnesty International.

567
00:34:37,805 --> 00:34:41,673
Did you know in Burma you get seven years
in prison for telling jokes?

568
00:34:41,768 --> 00:34:45,303
Next time you laugh, think of Pa Pa Lay,
the Burmese standup comedian.

569
00:34:45,396 --> 00:34:48,433
We're at a crucial stage
in our struggle for human rights...

570
00:34:48,525 --> 00:34:51,361
...which have been grossly abused
by the ruling junta.

571
00:34:51,444 --> 00:34:53,022
We need your support more than ever.

572
00:34:53,113 --> 00:34:55,022
Together we can make a difference...

573
00:34:55,115 --> 00:34:58,401
You're kidding.
And what's your boyfriend say about that?

574
00:34:58,744 --> 00:35:01,995
Wait a minute.
You say you haven't got a boyfriend?

575
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,654
Talk about human rights violations.

576
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,454
Is that right? You're in the bath now?

577
00:35:13,759 --> 00:35:15,917
WILL: You have to mean things to help people.

578
00:35:16,011 --> 00:35:17,755
Fiona meant Killing Me Softly.

579
00:35:17,847 --> 00:35:22,425
Killing Me Softly meant something to her
and look where she ended up.

580
00:35:24,395 --> 00:35:28,475
Me, I didn't mean anything, about anything,
to anyone.

581
00:35:28,774 --> 00:35:32,474
I knew that guaranteed me
a long, depression-free life.

582
00:35:33,822 --> 00:35:36,110
[Stealth instrumental music]

583
00:36:01,767 --> 00:36:05,183
WILL: Yet over the next few days,
I did have a strange feeling.

584
00:36:05,271 --> 00:36:07,892
Like a presence lurking at the back of my mind.

585
00:36:07,982 --> 00:36:09,725
And I didn't like it.

586
00:36:20,244 --> 00:36:21,904
[Doorbell rings]

587
00:36:23,247 --> 00:36:25,536
You don't have a kid, do you?

588
00:36:26,876 --> 00:36:27,741
What?

589
00:36:27,835 --> 00:36:30,124
You don't have a kid, do you?

590
00:36:30,212 --> 00:36:32,252
Of course I do! What are you on about?

591
00:36:32,340 --> 00:36:33,419
No, you don't.

592
00:36:33,507 --> 00:36:36,793
I've been watching you,
and you don't have a kid.

593
00:36:38,262 --> 00:36:41,216
WILL: What is it to you, anyway?
MARCUS: Nothing.

594
00:36:41,474 --> 00:36:45,637
Except you've been lying to me,
my mum and my mum's friend.

595
00:36:46,312 --> 00:36:47,890
-Can I come in?
-No.

596
00:36:47,981 --> 00:36:49,095
Why?

597
00:36:49,190 --> 00:36:50,187
'Cause I'm busy.

598
00:36:50,401 --> 00:36:54,528
-What are you doing?
-I'm watching TV.

599
00:36:55,448 --> 00:36:57,855
I could watch it with you, if you like.

600
00:36:57,992 --> 00:36:59,320
That's very nice of you...

601
00:36:59,410 --> 00:37:01,652
...but I usually manage on my own, thanks.

602
00:37:04,582 --> 00:37:06,907
Don't you have homework to do, or something?

603
00:37:07,001 --> 00:37:08,958
-Want to help?
-No, that's not what I meant.

604
00:37:09,045 --> 00:37:11,203
I meant, why don't you go home
and do your homework?

605
00:37:11,296 --> 00:37:12,839
I'll do you a deal.

606
00:37:12,923 --> 00:37:17,218
I won't tell anyone you don't have a kid
if you go out with my mum.

607
00:37:21,432 --> 00:37:23,888
You'd want your mum
to go out with someone like me?

608
00:37:23,976 --> 00:37:25,435
MARCUS: You're not too bad.

609
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:28,723
I mean, you told lies,
but apart from that you seem okay.

610
00:37:29,565 --> 00:37:32,271
And she's sad. I think she'd like a boyfriend.

611
00:37:33,611 --> 00:37:35,603
I can't just go out with someone...

612
00:37:35,696 --> 00:37:39,148
...because you want me to.
I'd have to like the person, as well.

613
00:37:39,242 --> 00:37:42,860
-What's wrong with her?
-Nothing's wrong with her, it's just the system.

614
00:37:42,954 --> 00:37:45,825
That's how it...
I'm not talking about this with you.

615
00:37:45,916 --> 00:37:47,196
Just go.

616
00:37:47,292 --> 00:37:49,200
Okay. But I'll be back.

617
00:37:49,293 --> 00:37:51,287
I'm really scared!

618
00:37:52,923 --> 00:37:56,672
WILL: That's the best I could come up with,
''I'm scared.''

619
00:37:56,927 --> 00:38:00,011
But as a matter of fact, I was.

620
00:38:00,097 --> 00:38:03,846
[Light tapping,
followed by heavy guitar music]

621
00:39:06,291 --> 00:39:07,785
Okay, that's it. Tim, goodbye.

622
00:39:08,084 --> 00:39:10,290
-Jill, goodbye. Carol, goodbye.
-Goodbye.

623
00:39:10,378 --> 00:39:14,245
And from me, arrivederci. Bye-bye.

624
00:39:14,340 --> 00:39:16,000
[Applause]

625
00:39:23,099 --> 00:39:24,972
Thanks. See you.

626
00:39:40,658 --> 00:39:43,612
HOST: Hello, everybody.
Welcome to the game of Countdown.

627
00:39:43,703 --> 00:39:46,823
You remember yesterday, Carol,
I revealed to a grateful nation...

628
00:39:46,915 --> 00:39:48,742
...that our guest, Tom O'Connell--

629
00:39:48,834 --> 00:39:51,788
CAROL: Yes.
HOST: He, like all of us, changes for each show.

630
00:39:51,879 --> 00:39:53,255
But he is such a--

631
00:39:56,884 --> 00:39:58,462
HOST 1: Is that right?
HOST 2: Yeah.

632
00:39:58,552 --> 00:40:01,756
Another term for Hosta, I think.

633
00:40:02,056 --> 00:40:03,052
HOST 1: Yes, well.

634
00:40:03,140 --> 00:40:07,434
Named after Heinrich Christian Funck,
who also invented disco dancing.

635
00:40:10,397 --> 00:40:12,770
Yes. I've got all his audios.

636
00:40:16,071 --> 00:40:18,359
[Chiming instrumental music]

637
00:40:50,814 --> 00:40:54,729
Mum, did you always know
I was going to be a vegetarian?

638
00:40:55,403 --> 00:40:56,683
Yeah, of course I did.

639
00:40:56,779 --> 00:41:00,362
I didn't decide on the spur of the moment
'cause we ran out of sausages.

640
00:41:00,450 --> 00:41:02,822
Did you ask me if I wanted to be a vegetarian?

641
00:41:02,911 --> 00:41:04,785
What, when you were born?

642
00:41:04,955 --> 00:41:07,196
I do the cooking and I don't want to cook meat.

643
00:41:07,290 --> 00:41:09,781
You have to eat what I eat.

644
00:41:11,044 --> 00:41:13,713
But you don't let me go to McDonald's, either.

645
00:41:14,213 --> 00:41:16,835
Is this premature teenage rebellion?

646
00:41:17,467 --> 00:41:19,756
I can't stop you from going to McDonald's.

647
00:41:19,845 --> 00:41:22,466
I'd just be disappointed if you did.

648
00:41:25,391 --> 00:41:28,677
MARCUS: Don't worry, Mum.
I won't go to McDonald's.

649
00:41:29,395 --> 00:41:31,055
[Savage yelling]

650
00:41:32,357 --> 00:41:36,770
MARCUS: After a few visits, Will seemed to think
he had to ask me serious questions.

651
00:41:36,862 --> 00:41:40,942
But I knew he really wanted to watch
Xena: Warrior Princess.

652
00:41:41,033 --> 00:41:42,907
So, how's it going at home then?

653
00:41:42,993 --> 00:41:45,698
-You mean my mum?
-Yeah.

654
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:48,160
She's all right, thanks.

655
00:41:51,376 --> 00:41:53,831
I mean, you know, she's...

656
00:41:55,506 --> 00:41:59,255
Yeah, I know. No, nothing like that.

657
00:42:03,097 --> 00:42:05,221
Does it still bother you, then?

658
00:42:06,309 --> 00:42:07,768
Does it bother me?

659
00:42:07,852 --> 00:42:09,311
[Boom]

660
00:42:09,646 --> 00:42:11,223
SUZIE: [Distorted] Are you decent?

661
00:42:15,777 --> 00:42:17,485
MARCUS: Every single day.

662
00:42:17,696 --> 00:42:20,187
That's why I come here, instead of going home.

663
00:42:20,282 --> 00:42:22,951
A bit. When I think about it.

664
00:42:25,496 --> 00:42:27,238
Fucking hell.

665
00:42:27,956 --> 00:42:30,447
[Light, cheerful instrumental music]

666
00:42:30,542 --> 00:42:34,410
MARCUS: I don't know why he swore like that,
but it made me feel better.

667
00:42:35,338 --> 00:42:38,874
It made me feel like I wasn't being pathetic
to get so scared.

668
00:42:42,387 --> 00:42:45,341
WILL: I wouldn't make the mistake of asking
about Fiona again.

669
00:42:45,432 --> 00:42:47,223
Marcus was clearly screwed up about it...

670
00:42:47,309 --> 00:42:51,259
...and unfortunately I couldn't think
of anything to say that'd be of any value.

671
00:42:51,355 --> 00:42:53,928
Next time he could talk to Suzie,
or a counselor...

672
00:42:54,024 --> 00:42:57,145
...or anybody capable
of something more than an obscenity.

673
00:42:57,237 --> 00:42:59,443
Shit! It can't be.

674
00:42:59,530 --> 00:43:02,650
[Santa's Super Sleigh is heard
on the store intercom]

675
00:43:02,742 --> 00:43:04,866
WILL: November-the-sodding-19.

676
00:43:04,953 --> 00:43:09,117
Six weeks before Christmas
and already they were playing the bloody thing.

677
00:43:09,791 --> 00:43:10,954
Dad?

678
00:43:11,043 --> 00:43:12,702
[Mystical music]

679
00:43:18,758 --> 00:43:20,751
MARCUS: What was your dad like?

680
00:43:21,553 --> 00:43:23,048
WILL: A bit sad, really.

681
00:43:23,555 --> 00:43:27,173
You know, he wrote one crap song
that turned out to be a massive hit...

682
00:43:27,267 --> 00:43:31,051
...and then spent the rest of his life
trying to write a better one.

683
00:43:31,146 --> 00:43:33,103
Do you ever want to write songs like him?

684
00:43:33,190 --> 00:43:35,397
Is that what the guitar's for?

685
00:43:36,902 --> 00:43:37,981
No.

686
00:43:39,363 --> 00:43:41,853
So, that's just there to look cool.

687
00:43:42,533 --> 00:43:43,446
Yeah.

688
00:43:47,121 --> 00:43:49,445
I like Santa's Super Sleigh.

689
00:43:49,539 --> 00:43:52,244
[Marcus hums Santa's Super Sleigh]

690
00:44:02,345 --> 00:44:04,421
[Marcus stops humming]

691
00:44:06,474 --> 00:44:09,559
KID 1: Madonna! Come here!
KID 2: We've got something.

692
00:44:09,853 --> 00:44:12,260
KID 1: He's getting away, look!
KID 2: Hurry up!

693
00:44:12,355 --> 00:44:15,938
NARRATOR: On Pet Rescue today,
the clever stoat keeps everyone...

694
00:44:16,026 --> 00:44:18,314
...on their toes in Somerset.

695
00:44:18,403 --> 00:44:21,108
[Soft, feel-good instrumental music]

696
00:44:34,044 --> 00:44:36,332
[Doorbell rings frantically]

697
00:44:38,841 --> 00:44:40,916
[Kid's voices]

698
00:44:44,096 --> 00:44:45,471
Hey!

699
00:44:45,681 --> 00:44:47,638
WILL: What are you doing?
KID: Who are you?

700
00:44:47,725 --> 00:44:48,923
WILL: Who am I?

701
00:44:49,017 --> 00:44:53,229
Bugger off, that's who I am! Go on, piss off!

702
00:44:55,190 --> 00:44:56,768
Who were they, then?

703
00:44:56,859 --> 00:44:58,105
Who?

704
00:44:58,194 --> 00:44:59,273
What do you mean, "Who?"

705
00:44:59,362 --> 00:45:02,233
The ones
trying to embed sweets into your skull.

706
00:45:02,323 --> 00:45:03,403
Oh, them.

707
00:45:03,492 --> 00:45:07,406
They're just a couple of older kids.
They started following me after school.

708
00:45:07,496 --> 00:45:09,156
Does this happen often?

709
00:45:09,248 --> 00:45:11,952
They never chucked sweets before,
they just thought of that.

710
00:45:12,042 --> 00:45:15,577
I'm not talking about the sweets.
The kids trying to kill you.

711
00:45:15,671 --> 00:45:17,996
Yeah, they give me a hard time.

712
00:45:18,215 --> 00:45:21,715
You know, about my hair,
and my clothes and singing and stuff.

713
00:45:21,843 --> 00:45:23,303
And what? And singing?

714
00:45:24,764 --> 00:45:27,634
Sometimes I sing out loud without noticing.

715
00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:29,969
That's not a brilliant idea, is it?

716
00:45:30,060 --> 00:45:34,104
I said I did it without noticing, didn't l?
It just happens!

717
00:45:34,481 --> 00:45:38,230
I'm not going to do it on purpose, am l?
I'm not stupid, you know.

718
00:45:38,361 --> 00:45:42,524
My advice is to keep out of people's way.
Try to make yourself invisible.

719
00:45:42,615 --> 00:45:44,025
How can I be invisible?

720
00:45:44,116 --> 00:45:46,404
One machine in your kitchen
is an invisible machine?

721
00:45:46,493 --> 00:45:48,201
I don't think so.

722
00:45:50,414 --> 00:45:53,285
I just try not to think of it, that's all.

723
00:45:54,502 --> 00:45:57,953
It happens, and I wish it didn't,
but that's life, isn't it?

724
00:46:00,175 --> 00:46:02,713
There's nothing I can do about it.

725
00:46:02,803 --> 00:46:04,879
[Soft instrumental music]

726
00:46:06,139 --> 00:46:07,219
No.

727
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:12,220
There is something we can do about it, Marcus.

728
00:46:12,980 --> 00:46:14,522
You're coming with me.

729
00:46:14,607 --> 00:46:18,224
MARCUS: I was worried he was going to take me
to the headmistress' office.

730
00:46:19,778 --> 00:46:21,652
But instead he took me shopping.

731
00:46:21,738 --> 00:46:22,983
I don't get it.

732
00:46:23,073 --> 00:46:24,733
We're starting with your feet.

733
00:46:24,825 --> 00:46:28,822
I can't make you invisible,
but I can make you blend in with the crowd.

734
00:46:29,663 --> 00:46:33,115
I don't know how to tie them.
They've got these funny strappy things.

735
00:46:33,208 --> 00:46:34,454
It's called Velcro.

736
00:46:34,544 --> 00:46:36,951
It's a revolutionary new technology.

737
00:46:39,673 --> 00:46:42,793
For Christ's sake. It's not hard.

738
00:46:45,096 --> 00:46:47,088
All right, wait a minute, it is a bit hard.

739
00:46:47,181 --> 00:46:50,135
-Everything all right?
-Yeah, thanks.

740
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,313
Pretty trendy, your old man, isn't he?

741
00:46:57,858 --> 00:46:59,899
There. You think you look cool, don't you?

742
00:46:59,987 --> 00:47:01,149
Don't know.

743
00:47:01,321 --> 00:47:05,188
-Do you think I look cool?
-Yeah, Marcus.

744
00:47:06,243 --> 00:47:09,078
-I think you look cool.
-Yeah.

745
00:47:11,707 --> 00:47:14,957
That's it, you got the walk. That's really cool.

746
00:47:16,503 --> 00:47:19,707
Brilliant. High five. Yeah.

747
00:47:20,132 --> 00:47:23,299
WILL: I was suddenly hit by an extraordinary
rush of well-being.

748
00:47:23,385 --> 00:47:26,221
So this is what people meant by a natural high.

749
00:47:26,305 --> 00:47:28,547
And it only cost £60.

750
00:47:28,641 --> 00:47:31,642
I had made an unhappy boy temporarily happy.

751
00:47:31,811 --> 00:47:33,968
And there wasn't anything in it for me at all.

752
00:47:34,062 --> 00:47:36,139
I didn't even want to shag his mum.

753
00:47:37,316 --> 00:47:38,774
[Thunder]

754
00:47:40,068 --> 00:47:41,528
[Sobs]

755
00:47:47,410 --> 00:47:50,197
Marcus! What happened to your shoes?

756
00:47:50,413 --> 00:47:52,073
They stole them.

757
00:48:02,176 --> 00:48:04,169
Why would anyone want to steal your shoes?

758
00:48:04,261 --> 00:48:06,467
MARCUS: I could see I had to tell the truth.

759
00:48:06,555 --> 00:48:09,591
The problem was,
the truth would lead to a lot more questions.

760
00:48:09,683 --> 00:48:11,261
MARCUS: They were nice ones.

761
00:48:11,352 --> 00:48:13,723
They were just ordinary brown lace-ups.

762
00:48:13,812 --> 00:48:16,979
No, they weren't. They were cool new trainers.

763
00:48:17,149 --> 00:48:19,475
Where did you get cool new trainers?

764
00:48:19,568 --> 00:48:21,311
MARCUS: She had loads more questions.

765
00:48:21,403 --> 00:48:23,195
Will bought them for me.

766
00:48:24,823 --> 00:48:25,854
Will?

767
00:48:27,076 --> 00:48:29,697
-The guy who took us to lunch?
-Yeah.

768
00:48:30,038 --> 00:48:31,994
MARCUS: He's sort of become my friend.

769
00:48:32,581 --> 00:48:34,290
He's sort of become your friend?

770
00:48:34,375 --> 00:48:36,866
MARCUS: She kept repeating
the last thing I said.

771
00:48:36,961 --> 00:48:38,621
Except she shouted it.

772
00:48:38,921 --> 00:48:41,210
I go round to his place after school.

773
00:48:41,298 --> 00:48:43,967
You go round to his place after school!

774
00:48:44,051 --> 00:48:47,835
-You see, he doesn't really have a kid.
-He doesn't really have a kid?

775
00:48:47,930 --> 00:48:50,053
Can I play computer games now?

776
00:48:50,266 --> 00:48:51,346
Where does he live?

777
00:48:51,433 --> 00:48:54,269
He's not there at the moment.
He's out to dinner.

778
00:48:56,355 --> 00:48:59,356
WILL: Christine had asked me to dinner
for a pep talk.

779
00:48:59,442 --> 00:49:02,859
You will end up childless and alone.

780
00:49:02,947 --> 00:49:04,986
Both fingers crossed, yeah.

781
00:49:06,908 --> 00:49:08,403
You must have a lot of courage.

782
00:49:08,493 --> 00:49:10,486
Why is that, Christine?

783
00:49:11,164 --> 00:49:14,614
Most people need something in their lives
to keep them afloat...

784
00:49:14,708 --> 00:49:17,745
...and you have absolutely nothing.

785
00:49:18,504 --> 00:49:20,413
Doesn't that scare you?

786
00:49:21,132 --> 00:49:23,089
Do you know what you want?

787
00:49:24,677 --> 00:49:26,255
Yes, I do. I'll have the steak--

788
00:49:26,346 --> 00:49:29,880
What the hell are these little
after-school tea parties about?

789
00:49:30,391 --> 00:49:32,349
Hi. Sorry? What did you say?

790
00:49:32,435 --> 00:49:36,563
I was just wondering why a single,
childless man would want to hang out...

791
00:49:36,648 --> 00:49:39,138
...with a 12-year-old boy every day?

792
00:49:39,233 --> 00:49:42,270
You didn't tell your mum
that you've been coming round?

793
00:49:42,361 --> 00:49:44,769
-I think I forgot.
-Tell me what?

794
00:49:45,448 --> 00:49:47,275
What are you doing with my son?

795
00:49:47,367 --> 00:49:49,692
Wait a minute. What are you suggesting here?

796
00:49:49,785 --> 00:49:52,028
-I'm not suggesting anything.
-I think you are.

797
00:49:52,122 --> 00:49:55,704
You were suggesting that
I've been interfering with your son.

798
00:49:55,792 --> 00:50:00,252
I'm simply asking you
why you entertain 12-year-olds in your flat.

799
00:50:00,338 --> 00:50:02,829
-My God!
-Oh, my God!

800
00:50:03,759 --> 00:50:06,760
What do you have to say for yourself?

801
00:50:07,387 --> 00:50:08,551
Well?

802
00:50:08,639 --> 00:50:10,383
Don't "well" me!

803
00:50:10,474 --> 00:50:12,098
Don't "well" me about this!

804
00:50:12,184 --> 00:50:14,890
He comes over uninvited every night!
Do you know why?

805
00:50:14,978 --> 00:50:18,811
He's having the shit bullied out of him at school!
And you haven't got a clue.

806
00:50:18,899 --> 00:50:20,939
You send him out like a lamb to the slaughter!

807
00:50:21,027 --> 00:50:24,645
He's been taken to pieces every day of the week,
you daft, fucking hippie!

808
00:50:24,739 --> 00:50:27,443
I think you're being a bit melodramatic.
Marcus is fine.

809
00:50:27,533 --> 00:50:31,662
MARCUS: Strange. Will had it right, Mum didn't.
It should be the other way around.

810
00:50:31,745 --> 00:50:33,655
You haven't had much contact with kids.

811
00:50:33,748 --> 00:50:36,499
I used to be a bloody kid!
I went to a bloody school.

812
00:50:36,584 --> 00:50:40,035
I know when kids can't settle down
and when kids are miserable!

813
00:50:40,129 --> 00:50:43,748
Look at him, for Christ's sake!
Don't accuse me of being melodramatic.

814
00:50:43,841 --> 00:50:47,376
-This coming from a woman who tried to--
-Cowabunga!

815
00:50:48,554 --> 00:50:51,260
-What's the matter with you?
-Nothing.

816
00:50:51,433 --> 00:50:53,056
I just felt like a shout.

817
00:50:53,142 --> 00:50:54,423
Jesus, what a family.

818
00:50:54,518 --> 00:50:58,018
Will, you're disturbing the other customers.

819
00:50:58,106 --> 00:50:59,683
It's fine. I'm sorry. I'm done.

820
00:50:59,774 --> 00:51:02,347
-Okay, so, you're not...
-What?

821
00:51:03,237 --> 00:51:05,360
No, I'm not! No, I'm not.

822
00:51:06,032 --> 00:51:07,692
Listen, don't worry about it.

823
00:51:07,784 --> 00:51:09,989
I won't open the door to Marcus again, okay?

824
00:51:10,077 --> 00:51:12,450
I'll be glad to be rid of the pair of you, frankly.

825
00:51:12,538 --> 00:51:14,281
Go on. Bugger off.

826
00:51:16,793 --> 00:51:17,907
Sorry.

827
00:51:27,220 --> 00:51:28,714
So that's it, is it?

828
00:51:28,805 --> 00:51:31,592
You're just out of his life, like that.

829
00:51:31,766 --> 00:51:32,595
Excuse me?

830
00:51:32,683 --> 00:51:34,925
Let's say you're right and I'm wrong.

831
00:51:35,019 --> 00:51:36,929
Let's say there's this whole world...

832
00:51:37,021 --> 00:51:40,520
...that I don't understand,
and somehow, miraculously, you do.

833
00:51:40,608 --> 00:51:42,731
What are you going to do about it?

834
00:51:42,819 --> 00:51:45,773
I'm not going to do anything.
He's none of my business.

835
00:51:45,864 --> 00:51:48,568
-You're a selfish bastard.
-That's what I tell him.

836
00:51:48,658 --> 00:51:52,276
-He always puts himself first.
-But I'm on my own.

837
00:51:52,662 --> 00:51:53,658
It's just me.

838
00:51:53,746 --> 00:51:56,499
I'm not putting myself first.
There's nobody else.

839
00:51:56,583 --> 00:51:57,614
Yes, there is!

840
00:51:57,709 --> 00:52:00,116
There's Marcus. You're involved now.

841
00:52:00,211 --> 00:52:02,418
He keeps coming around your bloody house.

842
00:52:02,506 --> 00:52:04,962
You've come into his life for a reason.

843
00:52:05,051 --> 00:52:06,675
You can't just shut him out.

844
00:52:06,761 --> 00:52:09,845
You can't shut life out.
''No man is an island."

845
00:52:09,931 --> 00:52:11,888
-She's right, you know.
-Yeah, she is.

846
00:52:11,974 --> 00:52:13,516
No, she's not! She's wrong!

847
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:15,510
Some men are islands. I'm a bloody island!

848
00:52:15,603 --> 00:52:17,014
I'm bloody lbiza!

849
00:52:18,439 --> 00:52:20,479
What are you talking about?

850
00:52:21,233 --> 00:52:23,641
Do you want to come over for Christmas?

851
00:52:23,736 --> 00:52:25,978
[Soft, peppy instrumental music]

852
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:29,524
WILL: No, Marcus, I do not want
to come over for bloody Christmas.

853
00:52:29,742 --> 00:52:33,954
I do not want to spend Christmas
with Miss Granola Suicide and her spawn.

854
00:52:35,623 --> 00:52:37,865
I'd always thought
what you did with Christmas...

855
00:52:37,959 --> 00:52:41,292
...was sort of a statement about
where you stood in life.

856
00:52:41,838 --> 00:52:45,172
I was going to spend this Christmas
the way I usually did.

857
00:52:45,424 --> 00:52:48,509
Watching videos and getting drunk and stoned.

858
00:52:50,638 --> 00:52:53,758
[Santa's Super Sleigh is heard
on the store intercom]

859
00:53:01,316 --> 00:53:04,566
TV CHARACTER: Before you came,
I was all alone.

860
00:53:04,988 --> 00:53:06,896
It is bad to be alone.

861
00:53:07,365 --> 00:53:10,401
Alone, bad.

862
00:53:11,201 --> 00:53:13,159
Friend, good.

863
00:53:13,705 --> 00:53:17,038
Friend, good!

864
00:53:17,125 --> 00:53:18,750
[Characters laugh]

865
00:53:18,834 --> 00:53:20,376
TV CHARACTER: Now come here.

866
00:53:20,837 --> 00:53:23,956
WILL: The good news was it wasn't
just me and Fiona and Marcus.

867
00:53:24,048 --> 00:53:26,800
The bad news was, well....

868
00:53:27,010 --> 00:53:30,794
So, you're Marcus' dad.

869
00:53:31,264 --> 00:53:36,804
Yeah, I guess so.
And this is my girlfriend, Lindsey.

870
00:53:40,648 --> 00:53:42,107
And Lindsey's mum.

871
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:46,779
Hi there.

872
00:53:46,863 --> 00:53:48,523
[Feliz Navidad playing]

873
00:53:55,622 --> 00:53:58,492
-Thanks, Dad.
-That's okay.

874
00:53:58,959 --> 00:54:00,619
WILL: I had to hand it to the kid.

875
00:54:00,711 --> 00:54:04,127
He could be enthusiastic
about some truly crap present.

876
00:54:04,631 --> 00:54:07,170
Wow, a tambourine! Thanks, Mum.

877
00:54:07,969 --> 00:54:09,249
Isn't that cool, Will?

878
00:54:09,345 --> 00:54:11,966
Yeah, that'll come in handy.

879
00:54:12,056 --> 00:54:14,179
I saw it and I thought, "This'll be perfect."

880
00:54:14,267 --> 00:54:19,178
Maybe you can perform at that school concert.
Get a pop group together. Make some friends.

881
00:54:19,730 --> 00:54:21,141
Maybe, Mum.

882
00:54:23,192 --> 00:54:27,142
When you sing,
it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart.

883
00:54:28,281 --> 00:54:29,740
Thanks, Mum.

884
00:54:34,705 --> 00:54:37,374
This one's from me.

885
00:54:45,007 --> 00:54:47,877
Brilliant! What is it?

886
00:54:48,177 --> 00:54:49,635
It's a CD, Marcus.

887
00:54:50,094 --> 00:54:52,847
By Mystikal. They're cool. You'll like them.

888
00:54:52,931 --> 00:54:55,220
And what kind of music is Mystikal?

889
00:54:55,517 --> 00:54:58,435
It's sort of world music.

890
00:54:59,145 --> 00:55:00,723
''Shake Ya Ass.''

891
00:55:01,148 --> 00:55:02,939
Slash rap type thing.

892
00:55:03,858 --> 00:55:05,732
Shake Ya Ass?

893
00:55:05,819 --> 00:55:07,148
Is he Moroccan?

894
00:55:07,238 --> 00:55:09,196
I'm afraid we haven't got a CD player.

895
00:55:09,282 --> 00:55:10,278
It's great anyway.

896
00:55:10,366 --> 00:55:14,827
I know you haven't got a CD player,
so, I got you one of them as well.

897
00:55:15,121 --> 00:55:17,079
LINDSEY'S MOM: What a lucky boy.

898
00:55:18,333 --> 00:55:19,708
Look, Mum.

899
00:55:20,210 --> 00:55:22,879
-Open yours, Will.
-All right. Thanks a lot.

900
00:55:27,885 --> 00:55:30,672
-Marcus, is this a joke?
-Yeah.

901
00:55:32,347 --> 00:55:33,592
It's not bad.

902
00:55:34,015 --> 00:55:36,970
SUZIE: Hi. Sorry, I'm dead late!

903
00:55:37,226 --> 00:55:39,219
-Have I missed anything?
-No, come on in.

904
00:55:39,312 --> 00:55:41,885
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas!

905
00:55:42,649 --> 00:55:44,108
WILL: Hey!

906
00:55:45,485 --> 00:55:47,193
Long time no see.

907
00:55:48,780 --> 00:55:49,978
Where's Megan?

908
00:55:50,073 --> 00:55:54,486
At her dad's. Where's Ned?
At his mum's for Christmas?

909
00:55:56,455 --> 00:55:58,530
[Dog barks in background]

910
00:56:01,585 --> 00:56:02,616
Yeah.

911
00:56:02,753 --> 00:56:06,002
No. I should probably go, shouldn't I?

912
00:56:06,423 --> 00:56:10,256
You could go pose as Santa,
try and shag some carol singers.

913
00:56:10,345 --> 00:56:12,302
Are you a professional Santa?

914
00:56:12,388 --> 00:56:13,633
How lovely!

915
00:56:13,723 --> 00:56:16,215
Right. That's it. I'm off.

916
00:56:16,309 --> 00:56:18,052
Thank you very much. It was great.

917
00:56:18,144 --> 00:56:20,814
Suzie has every right to express her anger.

918
00:56:20,939 --> 00:56:22,517
Yes, and she's expressed it.

919
00:56:22,607 --> 00:56:24,896
Now I have a right to bugger off.

920
00:56:24,985 --> 00:56:27,061
Thanks a lot. 'Bye.

921
00:56:27,153 --> 00:56:28,316
Wait!

922
00:56:28,863 --> 00:56:30,655
He's my friend. I invited him.

923
00:56:30,740 --> 00:56:32,733
I should be able to tell him when to go home.

924
00:56:32,826 --> 00:56:35,198
I haven't told Will to go, Marcus.

925
00:56:35,287 --> 00:56:38,537
Suzie's angry and has every right to be,
and she's telling him so.

926
00:56:38,623 --> 00:56:39,738
She's right, Marcus.

927
00:56:39,833 --> 00:56:41,660
Just leave it, okay?

928
00:56:42,335 --> 00:56:44,708
All he did was make up a kid for a couple weeks.

929
00:56:44,796 --> 00:56:47,334
God, that's nothing. So what? Who cares?

930
00:56:47,424 --> 00:56:49,464
Kids at school do worse than that every day!

931
00:56:49,551 --> 00:56:52,469
The point is, Marcus,
Will left school a long time ago.

932
00:56:52,554 --> 00:56:54,796
He should've grown out
of making people up by now.

933
00:56:54,890 --> 00:56:57,215
-That's for sure.
-It's not fair to gang up on him.

934
00:56:57,309 --> 00:56:59,052
He's been better behaved since then.

935
00:56:59,144 --> 00:57:04,435
He bought me trainers, he lets me go round
to his house and he knows what kids need.

936
00:57:04,525 --> 00:57:07,561
FIONA: What?
Expensive footwear and obscene music?

937
00:57:07,653 --> 00:57:10,738
If there's something you really need
then we can talk about it.

938
00:57:10,824 --> 00:57:14,442
No, we can't. It's not a discussion,
it's an argument, and you always win.

939
00:57:14,535 --> 00:57:17,489
-Why not just tell me what to do?
-I want you to think for yourself!

940
00:57:17,580 --> 00:57:20,119
I'm thinking for myself! And I want Will to stay!

941
00:57:20,209 --> 00:57:22,699
He's not the only one
who ever did anything wrong!

942
00:57:22,794 --> 00:57:25,000
Remember how we met? Remember why?
Because you--

943
00:57:25,088 --> 00:57:29,714
Because you threw a loaf of bread
at a duck's head and killed it, basically.

944
00:57:31,511 --> 00:57:33,588
[Suzie and Fiona laugh]

945
00:57:34,180 --> 00:57:36,470
Excuse me? What's this about a duck?

946
00:57:36,558 --> 00:57:39,013
Are we having duck? Delicious!

947
00:57:39,687 --> 00:57:41,561
[Caroling music]

948
00:57:41,646 --> 00:57:43,686
WILL: Of course we were not having duck.

949
00:57:43,774 --> 00:57:46,728
Instead we had nut loaf with parsnip gravy.

950
00:57:48,529 --> 00:57:51,316
As I sat there, I had a strange feeling.

951
00:57:52,032 --> 00:57:53,941
I was enjoying myself.

952
00:57:54,660 --> 00:57:57,233
I'd never really enjoyed Christmas before.

953
00:57:57,412 --> 00:57:59,702
My mother used to make me sing
Santa's Super Sleigh...

954
00:57:59,790 --> 00:58:02,246
...in front of my inebriated uncles and aunts...

955
00:58:02,334 --> 00:58:04,742
...just to get at my dad, I think.

956
00:58:05,129 --> 00:58:08,794
But Christmas at Marcus',
I'm ashamed to say it, gave me...

957
00:58:08,883 --> 00:58:10,627
...a warm, fuzzy feeling.

958
00:58:11,094 --> 00:58:14,594
I held that feeling responsible
for the strange events that followed.

959
00:58:16,141 --> 00:58:18,382
[Light, pleasant instrumental music]

960
00:58:18,476 --> 00:58:21,181
WILL: First of all, Marcus got a crush on a girl.

961
00:58:21,271 --> 00:58:23,347
MARCUS: Hello.
ELLIE: Piss off.

962
00:58:25,275 --> 00:58:29,273
WILL: And then, even stranger, so did I.

963
00:58:30,405 --> 00:58:31,983
It was all Marcus' fault, really...

964
00:58:32,073 --> 00:58:36,367
...because once you open your door
to one person, anyone can come in.

965
00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:39,244
On New Year's Eve, I met Rachel.

966
00:58:39,330 --> 00:58:42,036
She was interesting, smart and attractive.

967
00:58:42,168 --> 00:58:45,750
And for about five minutes,
I had her convinced that I was, too.

968
00:58:45,837 --> 00:58:47,961
...things like political events.

969
00:58:48,048 --> 00:58:48,913
Okay.

970
00:58:49,007 --> 00:58:50,466
You in television?

971
00:58:50,801 --> 00:58:54,135
Am I in television? No.

972
00:58:54,221 --> 00:58:56,427
-Everyone else is in television.
-Yeah.

973
00:58:56,515 --> 00:58:57,677
I watch television.

974
00:58:57,766 --> 00:59:00,850
Right, right.
So you're more in front of it than in it.

975
00:59:00,936 --> 00:59:02,893
-In it, yeah.
-Yes, I get it, yeah.

976
00:59:02,980 --> 00:59:04,225
WILL: It was torture.

977
00:59:04,315 --> 00:59:08,727
For five minutes I realized what life would be like
if I were, in any way, interesting.

978
00:59:08,819 --> 00:59:12,355
If I had anything to say for myself,
if I did anything.

979
00:59:12,449 --> 00:59:14,193
But I didn't do anything.

980
00:59:14,868 --> 00:59:18,912
And in about 30 seconds she'd know
and she'd be gone like a shot.

981
00:59:19,122 --> 00:59:21,614
So what do you do?

982
00:59:23,835 --> 00:59:27,335
I'm sort of taking a bit of time off at the moment.

983
00:59:27,423 --> 00:59:29,830
-Sounds good, yeah.
-Yeah.

984
00:59:30,676 --> 00:59:32,468
Time off from what?

985
00:59:33,011 --> 00:59:39,264
To be absolutely honest,
time off from time off, in fact.

986
00:59:39,435 --> 00:59:44,311
The interesting thing about me is
I don't actually do anything.

987
00:59:47,568 --> 00:59:50,486
-You don't do anything?
-Actually, no.

988
00:59:53,073 --> 00:59:55,529
-Nothing.
-Nope.

989
00:59:56,243 --> 00:59:57,239
Wow.

990
00:59:58,662 --> 00:59:59,778
That's...

991
01:00:01,331 --> 01:00:02,956
GUEST: Now, Rachel, darling.

992
01:00:04,210 --> 01:00:07,377
East Coast or West Coast rap?

993
01:00:07,462 --> 01:00:08,744
RACHEL: I have absolutely no...

994
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:13,052
WILL: There. She was gone.
There was no more to say.

995
01:00:13,970 --> 01:00:16,296
All rap music sounds exactly the same to me.

996
01:00:16,390 --> 01:00:17,339
WILL: Or was there?

997
01:00:17,432 --> 01:00:21,216
I tell you what. I know a 12-year-old
who'd kill you for saying that.

998
01:00:21,311 --> 01:00:23,055
-Really?
-Yes.

999
01:00:23,146 --> 01:00:25,767
-So do l, come to that.
-Yeah?

1000
01:00:26,191 --> 01:00:28,860
-Yeah. What's yours called?
-Mine?

1001
01:00:30,570 --> 01:00:34,070
He's called Marcus.

1002
01:00:35,158 --> 01:00:37,650
Mine's Ali. Alistair.

1003
01:00:38,245 --> 01:00:39,787
WILL: And there it was.

1004
01:00:39,872 --> 01:00:42,908
It wasn't a lie.
It was 100 percent her assumption.

1005
01:00:43,459 --> 01:00:45,700
Well, 50 percent, at the very least.

1006
01:00:45,794 --> 01:00:47,871
[Soft instrumental music]

1007
01:00:48,672 --> 01:00:52,457
WILL: I was in fantasyland again.
But this time it was different.

1008
01:00:52,802 --> 01:00:57,962
SPAT was for fun. This was serious.
I acted in self-defense.

1009
01:01:06,357 --> 01:01:08,433
We arranged to get our lads together.

1010
01:01:08,526 --> 01:01:11,562
Which means
we arranged for us to get together.

1011
01:01:11,779 --> 01:01:14,353
Single parents, alone together.

1012
01:01:15,743 --> 01:01:17,949
ALL: Happy New Year!

1013
01:01:19,037 --> 01:01:20,947
WILL: I was in deep trouble.

1014
01:01:22,541 --> 01:01:25,577
And there was only one person
who could help me out.

1015
01:01:25,669 --> 01:01:27,957
[Hip hop music to Shake Ya Ass]

1016
01:01:35,512 --> 01:01:40,221
[Sings with CD] "Shake ya ass, but watch ya self
Shake ya ass, show me what you workin' with

1017
01:01:40,392 --> 01:01:42,219
"Shake ya ass, watch ya self

1018
01:01:44,355 --> 01:01:48,353
-"Show me what you workin' with"
-What did you just say to me?

1019
01:01:49,526 --> 01:01:52,611
You heard me, squitty little shitty
snot-nosed bastard!

1020
01:01:52,696 --> 01:01:53,775
Sorry.

1021
01:01:53,989 --> 01:01:56,397
I was singing along to this song by Mystikal.

1022
01:01:56,492 --> 01:01:57,903
It's a rap.

1023
01:01:58,036 --> 01:01:59,530
You like rap?

1024
01:01:59,746 --> 01:02:00,611
A little.

1025
01:02:00,705 --> 01:02:03,955
It's by black people, mostly.
They're angry most of the time.

1026
01:02:04,042 --> 01:02:06,532
But sometimes they just want to have sex.

1027
01:02:07,670 --> 01:02:08,869
You taking a piss?

1028
01:02:08,963 --> 01:02:10,706
'Cause if you are, you'll get a slap.

1029
01:02:10,798 --> 01:02:12,292
I'm not taking a piss.

1030
01:02:12,383 --> 01:02:15,171
I don't even know how to take a piss.

1031
01:02:15,596 --> 01:02:17,719
-What's your name?
-Marcus.

1032
01:02:20,225 --> 01:02:21,601
I'm Ellie.

1033
01:02:21,852 --> 01:02:23,560
Hi, Ellie. Nice to meet you.

1034
01:02:23,646 --> 01:02:28,142
Not so fast. I'm not ready for physical contact.
Next thing you know, we'll be having sex.

1035
01:02:28,234 --> 01:02:30,191
And where will that get us?

1036
01:02:30,360 --> 01:02:33,527
And stop telling strangers to shake their ass.

1037
01:02:34,365 --> 01:02:36,357
Okay, Ellie. See you!

1038
01:02:37,702 --> 01:02:40,407
[Sings song without saying the word "ass"]

1039
01:02:47,169 --> 01:02:48,663
Hello, mate.

1040
01:02:49,797 --> 01:02:52,371
Listen, I need your help.

1041
01:02:52,675 --> 01:02:54,632
[Light, happy instrumental music]

1042
01:02:54,718 --> 01:02:57,008
Why did you tell this lady I was your son?

1043
01:02:57,096 --> 01:02:58,377
No, I didn't tell her.

1044
01:02:58,473 --> 01:03:01,390
I told you,
she just got the wrong end of the stick.

1045
01:03:01,476 --> 01:03:02,804
So just tell her.

1046
01:03:02,894 --> 01:03:04,970
-No. Can't do that.
-Why not?

1047
01:03:05,063 --> 01:03:09,392
We're really going around in circles here.
Just accept the facts, okay?

1048
01:03:09,609 --> 01:03:11,103
You're my son.

1049
01:03:11,194 --> 01:03:13,151
I'll tell her, if you like. I don't mind.

1050
01:03:13,237 --> 01:03:15,611
That's very kind of you, Marcus, but no.

1051
01:03:15,700 --> 01:03:17,988
-Why not?
-For Christ's sake!

1052
01:03:18,077 --> 01:03:21,742
She's got a rare disease
and if she believes something that's not right...

1053
01:03:21,831 --> 01:03:26,244
...then hears the truth, her brain will boil
in her head and she'll die, okay?

1054
01:03:26,794 --> 01:03:28,703
That's a load of shit.

1055
01:03:29,504 --> 01:03:33,289
I'm really interested in this woman.

1056
01:03:33,593 --> 01:03:35,834
What do you mean, interested?

1057
01:03:36,220 --> 01:03:38,094
What's so interesting about her?

1058
01:03:38,181 --> 01:03:39,972
Okay, Marcus, here.

1059
01:03:40,307 --> 01:03:43,178
Here's my last scrap of dignity. Enjoy it.

1060
01:03:43,561 --> 01:03:45,969
I want to go out with her. Okay?

1061
01:03:46,064 --> 01:03:48,436
I'd like her to be my girlfriend. There, I said it.

1062
01:03:48,524 --> 01:03:51,193
Brilliant! Why didn't you just say that?

1063
01:03:51,611 --> 01:03:53,520
I don't know.

1064
01:03:53,904 --> 01:03:57,071
I was embarrassed or something,
'cause this is a bit new for me.

1065
01:03:57,158 --> 01:03:59,732
I just met her, her name's Rachel. She's sort of--

1066
01:03:59,827 --> 01:04:01,618
There's this girl at school. Ellie.

1067
01:04:01,704 --> 01:04:03,578
I kind of want her to be my girlfriend.

1068
01:04:03,665 --> 01:04:05,456
I'm not exactly sure.

1069
01:04:05,667 --> 01:04:07,292
I've been meaning to ask you.

1070
01:04:07,377 --> 01:04:11,375
What's the difference between
a girl who's your friend and a girlfriend?

1071
01:04:11,464 --> 01:04:14,965
Well, I don't know.

1072
01:04:15,427 --> 01:04:17,753
Do you want to touch her?

1073
01:04:17,847 --> 01:04:19,092
Is that so important?

1074
01:04:19,182 --> 01:04:20,842
Yeah, you've heard about sex, right?

1075
01:04:20,933 --> 01:04:22,558
It is kind of a big deal.

1076
01:04:22,643 --> 01:04:24,683
I know. I'm not stupid.

1077
01:04:25,355 --> 01:04:27,810
I just can't believe there's nothing more to it.

1078
01:04:27,898 --> 01:04:32,062
I mean, like, I want to be with her more.
I want to be with her all the time.

1079
01:04:32,153 --> 01:04:35,023
And I want to tell her things
I don't even tell you or Mum.

1080
01:04:35,114 --> 01:04:37,606
And I don't want her to have another boyfriend.

1081
01:04:37,700 --> 01:04:39,739
If I could have all those things...

1082
01:04:39,827 --> 01:04:43,161
...I wouldn't really mind if I touched her or not.

1083
01:04:43,998 --> 01:04:46,038
Well, you'll learn, Marcus.

1084
01:04:46,417 --> 01:04:48,575
You won't feel like that forever.

1085
01:04:48,669 --> 01:04:51,161
[Light, happy instrumental music]

1086
01:04:52,799 --> 01:04:54,507
Okay, how do I look?

1087
01:04:54,592 --> 01:04:56,419
Good. How do I look?

1088
01:04:58,638 --> 01:05:01,639
Just be as normal as you can, okay?

1089
01:05:02,642 --> 01:05:04,350
WILL: Good advice for Marcus.

1090
01:05:04,435 --> 01:05:06,144
I wish I could have followed it.

1091
01:05:06,229 --> 01:05:07,973
I'm sorry it's such a mess.

1092
01:05:08,065 --> 01:05:10,103
That's where I work.

1093
01:05:11,860 --> 01:05:14,481
WILL: My mouth was dry
and my palms sweating.

1094
01:05:14,570 --> 01:05:17,028
I didn't know what the hell was happening to me.

1095
01:05:17,158 --> 01:05:19,945
...manage to tidy up. Ali?

1096
01:05:20,036 --> 01:05:22,953
WILL: All I could do was stand there,
grinning like an idiot.

1097
01:05:23,039 --> 01:05:25,909
-Should we just go upstairs?
-Sure. Okay.

1098
01:05:28,669 --> 01:05:29,784
Ali.

1099
01:05:30,171 --> 01:05:31,202
Marcus.

1100
01:05:32,173 --> 01:05:33,204
Marcus.

1101
01:05:34,008 --> 01:05:35,040
Ali.

1102
01:05:36,135 --> 01:05:38,970
You're in my year at school.

1103
01:05:39,263 --> 01:05:42,015
Really? Yeah, I think I've seen you around.

1104
01:05:42,099 --> 01:05:42,965
Great!

1105
01:05:43,059 --> 01:05:45,301
Then you guys'll have a lot to talk about.

1106
01:05:45,395 --> 01:05:47,222
Will, this is Ali.

1107
01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:49,141
Ali, this is Will.

1108
01:05:49,482 --> 01:05:51,938
-All right.
-All right.

1109
01:05:53,570 --> 01:05:56,855
Do you guys want to hang up here for a while?

1110
01:05:57,824 --> 01:05:59,946
-Yeah, sounds good, right?
-Yeah. Okay.

1111
01:06:00,034 --> 01:06:01,908
WILL: For a moment, I loved him.

1112
01:06:01,995 --> 01:06:03,453
Really loved him.

1113
01:06:03,538 --> 01:06:05,780
RACHEL: You can show him
your new computer games.

1114
01:06:05,874 --> 01:06:07,783
Good. Okay, catch you later.

1115
01:06:07,875 --> 01:06:09,915
Let's leave them to it.

1116
01:06:10,628 --> 01:06:12,917
[Radio plays punk rock music]

1117
01:06:19,138 --> 01:06:22,056
If your dad goes out with my mum,
then you're dead.

1118
01:06:22,141 --> 01:06:23,600
Really dead.

1119
01:06:24,143 --> 01:06:27,263
-Don't worry. He's all right.
-I don't care if he's all right!

1120
01:06:27,354 --> 01:06:29,264
I don't want him going out with my mum!

1121
01:06:29,357 --> 01:06:33,058
I don't want to see him
or you around here ever again, okay?

1122
01:06:33,153 --> 01:06:35,026
I'm not really sure it's up to me.

1123
01:06:35,112 --> 01:06:38,197
Well, it better be! Or you're going to die.

1124
01:06:38,282 --> 01:06:42,197
MARCUS: I was getting the feeling
that maybe this kid Ali was a serial killer.

1125
01:06:42,287 --> 01:06:45,371
Can I have a go on your computer?
What games you got?

1126
01:06:45,539 --> 01:06:47,248
Are you listening to me?

1127
01:06:47,709 --> 01:06:50,959
Yeah, it's just that I can't really
do much at the moment, can l?

1128
01:06:51,046 --> 01:06:54,249
I mean, Will, that's my dad...

1129
01:06:55,425 --> 01:06:58,295
...he likes your mum,
and I think she's keen on him.

1130
01:06:58,386 --> 01:07:00,011
She's not keen on him!

1131
01:07:00,180 --> 01:07:01,972
She's only keen on me!

1132
01:07:02,057 --> 01:07:03,883
[Indistinct chatter]

1133
01:07:04,184 --> 01:07:05,927
WILL: One amazing thing about Rachel...

1134
01:07:06,019 --> 01:07:09,767
...was that I wanted to kiss her every time
she said something interesting.

1135
01:07:10,273 --> 01:07:11,981
Which was all the time.

1136
01:07:12,275 --> 01:07:15,111
It was sexy. It was weird.

1137
01:07:16,237 --> 01:07:19,774
RACHEL: I use Bristol boards, India ink and...

1138
01:07:21,035 --> 01:07:22,446
Am I boring you?

1139
01:07:22,704 --> 01:07:24,162
No, no. No.

1140
01:07:25,540 --> 01:07:27,580
-What?
-Nothing.

1141
01:07:27,958 --> 01:07:30,532
It's just you looked like Marcus just then.

1142
01:07:31,587 --> 01:07:32,418
Did I?

1143
01:07:32,505 --> 01:07:36,004
I think it's sweet how much
he seems to take after you...

1144
01:07:36,259 --> 01:07:39,343
...and the way he dresses like you, as well.

1145
01:07:39,930 --> 01:07:43,630
I don't think I dress like Marcus, really.

1146
01:07:43,725 --> 01:07:45,183
[Footsteps]

1147
01:07:45,894 --> 01:07:47,139
[Door opens]

1148
01:07:47,229 --> 01:07:48,259
Marcus?

1149
01:07:52,109 --> 01:07:55,193
WILL: Wait! Hang on. Hang on.
Come on, we're going back.

1150
01:07:55,278 --> 01:07:57,816
-He's off his head.
-No, he's not.

1151
01:07:57,906 --> 01:08:02,153
He said he'd cut me up into little pieces
and hide me under the floorboards.

1152
01:08:02,369 --> 01:08:05,204
-He did?
-No.

1153
01:08:05,288 --> 01:08:07,162
But I'm sure he's capable of it.

1154
01:08:07,249 --> 01:08:09,288
It'll be different. You'll like it, I promise.

1155
01:08:09,376 --> 01:08:12,579
Marcus, Ali has something to say to you.

1156
01:08:15,007 --> 01:08:16,418
Doesn't he?

1157
01:08:17,927 --> 01:08:19,256
Sorry, Marcus.

1158
01:08:20,597 --> 01:08:22,921
I didn't mean to say those things.

1159
01:08:23,474 --> 01:08:24,850
It's okay, Ali.

1160
01:08:26,770 --> 01:08:29,225
Ali finds all this very difficult.

1161
01:08:29,606 --> 01:08:31,729
Yeah, so does Marcus.

1162
01:08:33,776 --> 01:08:35,436
Don't you, mate?

1163
01:08:36,113 --> 01:08:38,105
You know, I mean, divorced parents...

1164
01:08:38,197 --> 01:08:41,448
...and not knowing
how to feel about new people.

1165
01:08:43,453 --> 01:08:46,704
Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely the way I feel.

1166
01:08:47,039 --> 01:08:49,828
Ali didn't get along
with the last bloke I went out with.

1167
01:08:49,918 --> 01:08:52,124
-He was a liar!
-All right, darling.

1168
01:08:53,046 --> 01:08:55,204
He wasn't 100 percent good news.

1169
01:08:55,716 --> 01:08:59,630
-I'm not saying that you and I are.
-That's okay.

1170
01:08:59,886 --> 01:09:02,294
He fancies you. He told me.

1171
01:09:05,684 --> 01:09:08,009
-Thanks a lot, mate.
-Oh, dear.

1172
01:09:08,103 --> 01:09:09,598
WILL: Cheers, mate.

1173
01:09:13,149 --> 01:09:15,641
Don't look so worried, sweetheart.

1174
01:09:16,653 --> 01:09:17,435
[Soft instrumental music]

1175
01:09:17,529 --> 01:09:18,395
Ellie!

1176
01:09:18,489 --> 01:09:20,980
-Marcus? What, are you stalking me?
-No.

1177
01:09:21,075 --> 01:09:23,234
Too bad. Made me feel like a celebrity.

1178
01:09:23,328 --> 01:09:26,577
Yeah, but I didn't know that then, did l, sexy?

1179
01:09:28,416 --> 01:09:30,539
WILL: All I'm saying is, you know, watch out.

1180
01:09:30,627 --> 01:09:34,671
It just looks a bit more like owner and pet
than boyfriend and girlfriend.

1181
01:09:34,756 --> 01:09:36,583
MARCUS: At least I'm honest.

1182
01:09:36,717 --> 01:09:37,795
What does that mean?

1183
01:09:37,884 --> 01:09:40,209
It's just that you and Rachel...

1184
01:09:41,138 --> 01:09:44,008
What? What does that mean?

1185
01:09:44,433 --> 01:09:47,553
I don't know,
I think there's a problem with you and Rachel.

1186
01:09:47,644 --> 01:09:51,476
I mean, like, you want to be with her
but she thinks you have a son.

1187
01:09:51,690 --> 01:09:52,721
And you don't.

1188
01:09:52,816 --> 01:09:54,856
If you're going to be with someone...

1189
01:09:54,943 --> 01:09:57,564
...shouldn't you tell them things like that?

1190
01:09:58,363 --> 01:09:59,443
No.

1191
01:09:59,782 --> 01:10:02,272
I mean, you know, like the truth.

1192
01:10:03,911 --> 01:10:05,654
What's wrong with you?

1193
01:10:06,413 --> 01:10:09,497
WILL: But later that night,
when I was on my own...

1194
01:10:09,708 --> 01:10:12,875
...I remembered the deal
Marcus was prepared to strike.

1195
01:10:14,129 --> 01:10:16,455
Yes, I wanted to touch Rachel.

1196
01:10:17,049 --> 01:10:19,966
But at this moment, if I had the choice...

1197
01:10:20,345 --> 01:10:23,761
...I'd settle for the less and the more
that Marcus wanted.

1198
01:10:24,474 --> 01:10:26,763
Jesus, was I turning into Marcus?

1199
01:10:26,852 --> 01:10:29,342
Would he be buying me shoes soon?

1200
01:10:30,563 --> 01:10:33,849
I took his advice and told Rachel the truth.

1201
01:10:34,901 --> 01:10:36,977
Or very nearly the truth.

1202
01:10:37,112 --> 01:10:39,863
That I wasn't Marcus' natural father.

1203
01:10:41,115 --> 01:10:42,859
And that is not natural seaweed.

1204
01:10:42,951 --> 01:10:46,901
WILL: The problem was, once I told the truth,
I knew there'd be more questions.

1205
01:10:46,996 --> 01:10:49,570
I don't get it. If you're not his natural father...

1206
01:10:49,666 --> 01:10:53,830
...and you don't live with him,
then how is he your son?

1207
01:10:54,213 --> 01:10:55,375
Yeah, I see.

1208
01:10:55,673 --> 01:10:58,958
It must look very confusing from the outside.

1209
01:10:59,051 --> 01:11:01,458
Tell me how it is on the inside.

1210
01:11:02,178 --> 01:11:04,849
It's just one of those long, boring stories.

1211
01:11:04,932 --> 01:11:07,339
Look, do you want to move on to wine?

1212
01:11:07,434 --> 01:11:09,427
You want some Chinese rice wine, miss?

1213
01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:14,644
You would like to try,
I suspect, the Panang Paneng.

1214
01:11:15,942 --> 01:11:16,808
Yeah?

1215
01:11:17,444 --> 01:11:18,524
No.

1216
01:11:20,323 --> 01:11:22,649
Tell me about your relationship with Ali.

1217
01:11:22,742 --> 01:11:26,442
-Is that as complicated as mine and Marcus'?
-No.

1218
01:11:26,537 --> 01:11:30,238
I slept with his father,
and then nine months later I gave birth.

1219
01:11:30,333 --> 01:11:31,364
Pretty straightforward.

1220
01:11:31,459 --> 01:11:33,868
Yeah. I envy you that.

1221
01:11:35,130 --> 01:11:39,424
I'm really sorry to harp on about this
but I haven't got it all worked out yet.

1222
01:11:39,509 --> 01:11:43,922
You are Marcus' stepfather,
but you don't live with him or with his mother.

1223
01:11:46,058 --> 01:11:48,976
No, you see, wait.

1224
01:12:00,280 --> 01:12:03,198
I never said he was my son.

1225
01:12:03,534 --> 01:12:04,364
Did I?

1226
01:12:04,451 --> 01:12:07,737
The words "I have a son called Marcus,"
never escaped my lips.

1227
01:12:07,829 --> 01:12:10,072
It's what you chose to believe.

1228
01:12:10,166 --> 01:12:11,957
Yeah. Right.

1229
01:12:12,334 --> 01:12:14,457
It's me that's the fantasist.

1230
01:12:14,587 --> 01:12:18,418
I wanted to believe that you had a son,
so I let my imagination run riot.

1231
01:12:18,507 --> 01:12:20,666
Obviously I played a part, I can see that.

1232
01:12:20,760 --> 01:12:24,544
No! Not at all.
I met you and I thought, "Cute guy.

1233
01:12:24,639 --> 01:12:27,925
"God, if only he had a son.
A geeky, teenage kid, if possible."

1234
01:12:28,018 --> 01:12:30,853
Then you turned up at my house
with Marcus, and bingo!

1235
01:12:30,937 --> 01:12:35,516
Now I made this crazy link
'cause of some deep psychological need in me.

1236
01:12:36,401 --> 01:12:39,106
You shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

1237
01:12:40,364 --> 01:12:42,522
It could have happened to anyone.

1238
01:12:45,869 --> 01:12:50,994
The first time I met you
I thought you were a bit blank.

1239
01:12:53,502 --> 01:12:55,791
But then you changed my mind.

1240
01:12:57,256 --> 01:12:59,165
Maybe I was right.

1241
01:12:59,675 --> 01:13:01,549
-Rachel, listen.
-Yes?

1242
01:13:02,678 --> 01:13:04,552
[Poignant piano note]

1243
01:13:12,313 --> 01:13:14,352
I'm sorry, you're right.

1244
01:13:18,068 --> 01:13:22,362
I am a blank.

1245
01:13:23,992 --> 01:13:27,943
I'm really nothing.

1246
01:13:32,376 --> 01:13:36,041
I don't know what the hell I was thinking of,
I'm sorry.

1247
01:13:36,129 --> 01:13:38,206
[Melancholy piano music]

1248
01:13:57,234 --> 01:13:58,266
'Bye, Ellie.

1249
01:13:58,360 --> 01:14:00,020
Marcus! My man!

1250
01:14:01,197 --> 01:14:02,192
SIMON: 'Bye, Marcus!

1251
01:14:02,281 --> 01:14:03,941
CLASSMATE: See you, Marcus!

1252
01:14:04,033 --> 01:14:06,108
[Piano music continues]

1253
01:14:21,133 --> 01:14:22,793
[Fiona cries]

1254
01:14:23,219 --> 01:14:24,334
Mum?

1255
01:14:24,429 --> 01:14:26,505
[Melancholy rock song]

1256
01:14:49,705 --> 01:14:54,616
TEACHER: So, if z = 17, does x > 2?

1257
01:14:55,002 --> 01:14:56,377
Marcus?

1258
01:14:57,880 --> 01:15:00,122
MARCUS: I didn't know what the answer was.

1259
01:15:00,216 --> 01:15:02,374
I didn't know what ''x'' equaled.

1260
01:15:02,468 --> 01:15:04,793
And I didn't know how to help my mum.

1261
01:15:14,897 --> 01:15:16,557
MARCUS: And then I realized.

1262
01:15:16,649 --> 01:15:19,484
There was something she said
I could do for her.

1263
01:15:19,569 --> 01:15:24,314
-I'm thinking of singing at the school concert.
-You? At the rock concert?

1264
01:15:25,033 --> 01:15:28,485
I don't think that would be
a very good idea, Marcus.

1265
01:15:28,579 --> 01:15:29,954
Will you accompany me?

1266
01:15:30,038 --> 01:15:31,996
All I've got is a tambourine.

1267
01:15:32,624 --> 01:15:35,958
No, I'm sorry. It's suicide.

1268
01:15:37,504 --> 01:15:39,996
I mean, they'll crucify you.

1269
01:15:41,133 --> 01:15:43,838
[Melancholy piano music]

1270
01:15:46,346 --> 01:15:48,006
[Doorbell rings]

1271
01:16:04,865 --> 01:16:06,609
Mum's at it again.

1272
01:16:09,912 --> 01:16:12,830
-At what? Sorry.
-What do you mean, what?

1273
01:16:13,958 --> 01:16:15,203
The crying.

1274
01:16:15,292 --> 01:16:17,831
She sits in the house all day, crying.

1275
01:16:17,921 --> 01:16:20,411
She does it in the mornings, too.

1276
01:16:23,426 --> 01:16:27,970
It's as bad now as it was
before the Dead Duck Day.

1277
01:16:33,687 --> 01:16:36,558
Marcus, I'm sorry, mate...

1278
01:16:38,901 --> 01:16:40,728
...I'm a bit busy at the moment.

1279
01:16:40,820 --> 01:16:43,856
You're busy? Doing what?

1280
01:16:46,242 --> 01:16:48,732
-Didn't you hear me?
-I heard you.

1281
01:16:48,911 --> 01:16:52,197
-What do you want me to do about it?
-I don't know.

1282
01:16:52,290 --> 01:16:54,863
-You could talk to her.
-Yeah? And what would I say?

1283
01:16:54,959 --> 01:16:57,118
-I don't know!
-Why would she listen to me?

1284
01:16:57,211 --> 01:16:58,872
Who am I to her?

1285
01:16:59,588 --> 01:17:01,380
-I'm nobody.
-You're not nobody.

1286
01:17:01,466 --> 01:17:03,790
-You're--
-Who? Who do you think I am?

1287
01:17:04,928 --> 01:17:06,303
Who do you think you are?

1288
01:17:06,387 --> 01:17:10,337
You come here uninvited,
you disrupt my life, you screw things up.

1289
01:17:10,892 --> 01:17:13,465
What do you want from me?
This isn't my problem.

1290
01:17:13,561 --> 01:17:16,432
I'm not your family, mate. I'm not.
I'm not your uncle.

1291
01:17:16,522 --> 01:17:17,767
I'm not your big brother.

1292
01:17:17,857 --> 01:17:21,309
We've established pretty firmly
that I'm not your father, either, am l?

1293
01:17:21,403 --> 01:17:22,268
But...

1294
01:17:22,361 --> 01:17:23,690
I'll tell you what I am.

1295
01:17:23,779 --> 01:17:28,158
I'm the guy who's really good at
choosing trainers or records, okay?

1296
01:17:28,243 --> 01:17:30,913
That's it. I can't help you with real things.

1297
01:17:31,079 --> 01:17:34,496
I can't help you with anything
that means anything.

1298
01:17:36,878 --> 01:17:38,586
You could try.

1299
01:17:48,139 --> 01:17:49,383
You're right.

1300
01:17:50,099 --> 01:17:51,593
You can't help me.

1301
01:17:51,684 --> 01:17:53,095
How could you?

1302
01:17:53,186 --> 01:17:55,890
You're a stupid person who watches TV all day...

1303
01:17:55,980 --> 01:17:56,975
...and buys things.

1304
01:17:57,064 --> 01:18:01,560
You don't give a shit about anybody,
and nobody gives a shit about you!

1305
01:18:06,866 --> 01:18:09,357
[Door opens and slams shut]

1306
01:18:21,547 --> 01:18:24,252
[Acoustic guitar]

1307
01:18:25,385 --> 01:18:28,091
[Upbeat rock music]

1308
01:18:32,268 --> 01:18:35,352
MARCUS: Mum said my singing brought
sunshine and happiness...

1309
01:18:35,438 --> 01:18:36,896
...into her life.

1310
01:18:37,148 --> 01:18:40,398
So I'd do it, even if it meant mine was over.

1311
01:19:10,264 --> 01:19:11,379
Look, Mum.

1312
01:19:25,488 --> 01:19:27,565
[Rock song continues]

1313
01:19:54,101 --> 01:19:59,262
WILL: My life is made up of units of time.
Buying CDs: Two units.

1314
01:20:00,942 --> 01:20:03,611
Eating lunch: Three units.

1315
01:20:05,781 --> 01:20:09,030
Exercising: Two units.

1316
01:20:11,494 --> 01:20:14,116
All in all, I had a very full life.

1317
01:20:24,007 --> 01:20:28,171
WILL: It's just that it didn't mean anything.

1318
01:20:35,353 --> 01:20:39,730
[Combination of the continuing rock song
and Santa's Super Sleigh]

1319
01:20:41,192 --> 01:20:46,898
[CD player] ''Look who's coming
round the bend''

1320
01:20:55,123 --> 01:20:59,251
WILL: The fact was there was only one thing
that meant something to me:

1321
01:20:59,961 --> 01:21:01,621
[Doorbell rings]

1322
01:21:11,264 --> 01:21:15,048
WILL: Marcus. He was the only thing
that meant something to me.

1323
01:21:15,561 --> 01:21:18,561
And Fiona was the only thing
that meant something to him.

1324
01:21:18,647 --> 01:21:21,054
And she was about to fall off the edge.

1325
01:21:21,567 --> 01:21:23,227
[Doorbell rings]

1326
01:21:24,986 --> 01:21:27,062
[Rock music continues]

1327
01:21:39,794 --> 01:21:42,000
ALL: Single parents alone together!

1328
01:21:42,088 --> 01:21:44,081
Single parents alone together!

1329
01:21:44,174 --> 01:21:48,551
Single parents alone together!
All for one and one for all!

1330
01:21:50,846 --> 01:21:54,050
-Fiona!
-Will, we haven't seen you for a while.

1331
01:21:54,183 --> 01:21:55,559
How's Ned?

1332
01:21:56,061 --> 01:22:00,473
Who? He's a load of crap. He doesn't exist.

1333
01:22:01,649 --> 01:22:03,060
Yeah, I made him up.

1334
01:22:03,151 --> 01:22:04,609
-You made him up?
-Yeah.

1335
01:22:04,694 --> 01:22:07,233
-To meet women.
-You're sick.

1336
01:22:08,156 --> 01:22:10,482
-Fiona, I've got to talk to you.
-Go ahead.

1337
01:22:10,575 --> 01:22:13,411
No, you know, properly talk to you, privately.

1338
01:22:13,495 --> 01:22:16,579
No, this is a circle of truth.

1339
01:22:16,664 --> 01:22:20,247
Whatever you have to say,
you can say it in front of everybody.

1340
01:22:21,252 --> 01:22:25,583
Okay. Please don't try
and commit suicide again.

1341
01:22:28,302 --> 01:22:31,553
I can't believe you just said that.
That is my private experience.

1342
01:22:31,640 --> 01:22:34,391
Yeah, well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's not.

1343
01:22:34,476 --> 01:22:36,053
Marcus is worried about you.

1344
01:22:36,144 --> 01:22:38,183
I'm worried because he's worried about you.

1345
01:22:38,271 --> 01:22:41,391
Will, I don't have plans to commit suicide.

1346
01:22:41,482 --> 01:22:42,478
You don't?

1347
01:22:42,567 --> 01:22:44,227
Not at the moment, no.

1348
01:22:44,986 --> 01:22:47,394
Great. Great!

1349
01:22:47,488 --> 01:22:49,612
Good.

1350
01:22:49,700 --> 01:22:52,570
You know I'm not attracted to you, right?

1351
01:22:54,288 --> 01:22:57,656
What are you on about?
No. What are you, nuts?

1352
01:22:58,416 --> 01:23:00,623
Right. Wrong word completely.

1353
01:23:00,877 --> 01:23:05,872
But that's something that
we should, you know, talk about a bit.

1354
01:23:05,966 --> 01:23:08,291
The crying in the morning thing, the depression.

1355
01:23:08,384 --> 01:23:10,710
Let's get that fixed.

1356
01:23:10,804 --> 01:23:13,889
FIONA: That's what men think, isn't it?
WILL: What?

1357
01:23:14,432 --> 01:23:17,517
That unless you've got the answer,
unless you can say:

1358
01:23:17,602 --> 01:23:21,767
"I know a bloke in the Essex Road who
can fix that," then there's no point bothering.

1359
01:23:21,857 --> 01:23:22,853
No.

1360
01:23:24,276 --> 01:23:26,103
Well, yeah, okay. I would.

1361
01:23:26,195 --> 01:23:29,231
I'd love to know the name of the bloke
in the Essex Road...

1362
01:23:29,323 --> 01:23:31,648
...because I've got a feeling I'd be useless.

1363
01:23:31,742 --> 01:23:33,736
Will, you're not useless.

1364
01:23:35,038 --> 01:23:38,454
You're here. And that matters.

1365
01:23:39,417 --> 01:23:40,615
Right.

1366
01:23:40,710 --> 01:23:43,083
-Now, can we... Do you mind?
-What?

1367
01:23:43,379 --> 01:23:46,914
-Marcus is singing at the school concert.
-Marcus is singing?

1368
01:23:47,008 --> 01:23:48,419
-Yeah, singing.
-At school?

1369
01:23:48,510 --> 01:23:50,134
It's a pop concert. He's so excited.

1370
01:23:50,220 --> 01:23:53,423
-I want to get there on time.
-Wait, wait. What's he singing?

1371
01:23:53,515 --> 01:23:57,928
[Sings] "Killing me softly with his song

1372
01:23:58,228 --> 01:24:00,766
"Telling my whole life"

1373
01:24:01,231 --> 01:24:02,892
[Tires screech]

1374
01:24:02,982 --> 01:24:06,767
-What time does this thing start?
-What have you got against Marcus singing?

1375
01:24:06,862 --> 01:24:11,358
You know the dream where you're at school
without your trousers on and everyone laughs?

1376
01:24:11,450 --> 01:24:14,617
-What's the connection?
-That will be Marcus, but for real.

1377
01:24:14,703 --> 01:24:17,408
If he sings that song in front of those kids...

1378
01:24:17,498 --> 01:24:19,786
...you can just write him off until university.

1379
01:24:19,875 --> 01:24:23,078
If he reaches university,
'cause he's going to get torn to shreds.

1380
01:24:23,170 --> 01:24:25,791
You cannot stop someone
from expressing themselves.

1381
01:24:25,881 --> 01:24:29,713
He's not expressing himself!
He's expressing you, okay?

1382
01:24:31,220 --> 01:24:32,334
Oh, God.

1383
01:24:33,473 --> 01:24:37,008
What? Jesus Christ.

1384
01:24:37,310 --> 01:24:40,975
You're right. Will, am I a bad mother?

1385
01:24:41,398 --> 01:24:45,894
No, you're not a bad mother.
You're just a barking lunatic.

1386
01:24:46,069 --> 01:24:47,777
No, I am. I am a bad mother.

1387
01:24:47,863 --> 01:24:51,232
I've let things slide
and I haven't been noticing properly.

1388
01:24:51,325 --> 01:24:53,816
He's a special, very special boy.

1389
01:24:53,910 --> 01:24:56,401
And he's got a special soul, and I've wounded it!

1390
01:24:56,496 --> 01:24:59,367
Please, just shut up. You're wounding my soul.

1391
01:25:00,501 --> 01:25:03,205
[Light, easy instrumental music,
while car screeches]

1392
01:25:12,262 --> 01:25:15,180
[Music becomes faster and heavier]

1393
01:25:27,570 --> 01:25:29,895
WILL: Okay, you park it.
FIONA: What?

1394
01:25:33,451 --> 01:25:36,156
[Rock song faster and more urgent]

1395
01:25:48,884 --> 01:25:52,218
[Tires squeal]

1396
01:25:53,222 --> 01:25:55,215
[Group sings hip hop song to music]

1397
01:26:17,872 --> 01:26:18,951
Hi.

1398
01:26:20,249 --> 01:26:21,624
What are you doing here?

1399
01:26:21,709 --> 01:26:23,536
That's Ali up there.

1400
01:26:29,425 --> 01:26:33,209
He's talented.

1401
01:26:46,652 --> 01:26:48,312
[Cheering]

1402
01:26:57,954 --> 01:27:03,115
Now that was the Def Penalty Kru
with Murder Fo' Life.

1403
01:27:03,835 --> 01:27:06,872
Our next big act is Marcus Brewer...

1404
01:27:06,963 --> 01:27:10,333
...singing Roberta Flack's beloved
Killing Me Softly.

1405
01:27:10,426 --> 01:27:12,086
[Laughter]

1406
01:27:12,928 --> 01:27:16,546
He'll be accompanied by Simon Cosgrove
on the recorder.

1407
01:27:18,892 --> 01:27:20,517
Marcus, I can't do this.

1408
01:27:20,602 --> 01:27:23,355
-That lot's going to shit all over us.
-But you said...

1409
01:27:23,438 --> 01:27:27,104
I'm sorry. Here's your £5 back.

1410
01:27:29,445 --> 01:27:30,988
Any moment now.

1411
01:27:31,071 --> 01:27:33,148
[Disgruntled chatter]

1412
01:27:45,295 --> 01:27:47,916
Come on, Marcus, you wally!

1413
01:27:52,136 --> 01:27:53,215
Wait! Wait!

1414
01:27:53,304 --> 01:27:55,711
Excuse me. What is going on here?

1415
01:27:55,889 --> 01:27:59,472
Nothing. Everything's under control.
I'm just his voice coach.

1416
01:27:59,727 --> 01:28:01,221
What are you doing here?

1417
01:28:01,312 --> 01:28:05,773
I heard you were about to commit social suicide,
so I dropped by.

1418
01:28:05,858 --> 01:28:07,565
-My accompanist left!
-Brilliant.

1419
01:28:07,651 --> 01:28:09,525
-You don't have to do it.
-I can't do that.

1420
01:28:09,612 --> 01:28:12,482
Yeah, you can.
Just tell them: Artistic differences.

1421
01:28:12,573 --> 01:28:15,146
You can't work without him.
He had a drug problem.

1422
01:28:15,242 --> 01:28:17,531
My mum wants me to sing it.
lt'll make her happy.

1423
01:28:17,620 --> 01:28:22,780
Look, mate, nothing you do
can make your mum happy, all right?

1424
01:28:23,292 --> 01:28:26,958
Not in the long term.
She has to do that for herself.

1425
01:28:27,046 --> 01:28:30,711
-Get over here right now!
-Just bugger off, will you!

1426
01:28:30,841 --> 01:28:34,341
What I'm saying is, the important thing is
to make yourself feel happy.

1427
01:28:34,429 --> 01:28:38,344
I've tried just making myself happy.
She's tried making herself happy.

1428
01:28:38,517 --> 01:28:41,138
It doesn't work.
You need other people to make you happy.

1429
01:28:41,228 --> 01:28:42,603
But that's just it.

1430
01:28:42,687 --> 01:28:46,852
If other people can make you happy
then they can also make you unhappy.

1431
01:28:46,943 --> 01:28:50,560
What, you think those people out there
are going to make you happy?

1432
01:28:50,654 --> 01:28:52,446
Hang on. Wait. Marcus, don't.

1433
01:28:52,531 --> 01:28:54,856
Marcus! Bollocks.

1434
01:28:56,201 --> 01:28:58,277
[Clapping fades out]

1435
01:29:08,589 --> 01:29:11,080
[Poignant piano notes]

1436
01:29:12,427 --> 01:29:14,135
BULLY: Come on, Britney!

1437
01:29:14,304 --> 01:29:16,462
Yeah, give us a song, then.

1438
01:29:16,555 --> 01:29:18,098
[Laughter]

1439
01:29:23,646 --> 01:29:25,389
This is for my mum.

1440
01:29:31,278 --> 01:29:35,608
[Sings] "I heard he sang a good song

1441
01:29:36,659 --> 01:29:40,242
"I heard he had a style

1442
01:29:41,706 --> 01:29:45,574
"And so I came to see him

1443
01:29:45,753 --> 01:29:49,453
"to listen for a while

1444
01:29:51,175 --> 01:29:55,125
"And there he was this young boy

1445
01:29:55,971 --> 01:29:59,672
"a stranger to my eyes"

1446
01:29:59,767 --> 01:30:01,640
You're rubbish, mate!

1447
01:30:01,727 --> 01:30:03,387
[Laughter]

1448
01:30:07,275 --> 01:30:12,102
[Sings] "Strumming my pain with his fingers

1449
01:30:14,949 --> 01:30:19,161
"Singing my life with his words

1450
01:30:19,245 --> 01:30:20,989
[Boos and jeers]

1451
01:30:26,085 --> 01:30:28,161
[Guitar music begins]

1452
01:30:32,801 --> 01:30:36,418
[Sings] "Killing me softly with his song

1453
01:30:36,596 --> 01:30:38,339
''Killing me softly''

1454
01:30:38,473 --> 01:30:40,882
Who the hell is that?

1455
01:30:41,435 --> 01:30:46,014
"Telling my whole life with his words

1456
01:30:46,148 --> 01:30:52,352
"Killing me softly with his song

1457
01:30:56,617 --> 01:30:59,986
"I felt all flushed with fever

1458
01:31:00,079 --> 01:31:03,744
"embarrassed by the crowd

1459
01:31:03,874 --> 01:31:09,379
"I felt he found my letters
and read each one out loud

1460
01:31:11,257 --> 01:31:14,875
"I prayed that he would finish

1461
01:31:15,386 --> 01:31:18,304
"but he just kept right on

1462
01:31:18,389 --> 01:31:22,173
"Strumming my pain with his fingers

1463
01:31:22,268 --> 01:31:25,304
"Singing my life with his words

1464
01:31:25,939 --> 01:31:26,970
''Killing me softly''

1465
01:31:27,106 --> 01:31:28,565
Give it a rest.

1466
01:31:28,858 --> 01:31:32,558
"Killing me softly with his song

1467
01:31:32,653 --> 01:31:38,158
"Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly

1468
01:31:40,162 --> 01:31:42,950
"With his song

1469
01:31:49,630 --> 01:31:51,919
"He sang as if he knew me"

1470
01:31:52,008 --> 01:31:52,921
Will.

1471
01:31:53,009 --> 01:31:55,464
"ln all my dark despair"

1472
01:31:55,552 --> 01:31:56,584
We're finished.

1473
01:31:56,679 --> 01:32:01,471
"And then he looked right through me
as if I wasn't there"

1474
01:32:01,559 --> 01:32:03,017
Will, come on.

1475
01:32:08,691 --> 01:32:10,150
Will, we're finished.

1476
01:32:12,069 --> 01:32:13,943
[Boos and jeers]

1477
01:32:18,910 --> 01:32:22,196
WILL: So there I was,
killing them softly with my song.

1478
01:32:22,289 --> 01:32:25,622
Or rather, being killed.
And not that softly, either.

1479
01:32:25,875 --> 01:32:28,449
I was singing with my eyes closed.

1480
01:32:28,878 --> 01:32:30,254
Was I frightened?

1481
01:32:30,338 --> 01:32:31,998
I was petrified.

1482
01:32:32,423 --> 01:32:34,416
This was definitely not island living.

1483
01:32:34,509 --> 01:32:38,257
"Killing me softly

1484
01:32:38,763 --> 01:32:42,050
"With his song"

1485
01:32:51,610 --> 01:32:53,520
Thank you, Finsbury.

1486
01:32:54,947 --> 01:32:57,652
I'd like to introduce
one or two members of the band.

1487
01:32:57,741 --> 01:33:00,529
Marcus Brewer on vocals and tambourine.

1488
01:33:03,122 --> 01:33:04,831
And that's about it.

1489
01:33:04,916 --> 01:33:07,241
Let's get off quick. Get off.

1490
01:33:08,003 --> 01:33:11,751
Marcus, thank you. For the song.

1491
01:33:12,215 --> 01:33:13,329
You were terrific.

1492
01:33:13,424 --> 01:33:14,919
-You think so?
-Yeah.

1493
01:33:16,386 --> 01:33:18,923
As a matter of fact, I think we should celebrate.

1494
01:33:19,013 --> 01:33:20,176
Okay.

1495
01:33:20,681 --> 01:33:24,383
How about McDonald's?

1496
01:33:24,728 --> 01:33:26,720
-McDonald's?
-Yeah.

1497
01:33:26,813 --> 01:33:28,271
Thanks, Mum, but it's okay.

1498
01:33:28,356 --> 01:33:30,930
No, really. I want to go to McDonald's.

1499
01:33:31,026 --> 01:33:32,733
You know, I'm not really hungry.

1500
01:33:32,819 --> 01:33:36,734
Come on. Are you telling me
you couldn't murder a Big Mac?

1501
01:33:36,823 --> 01:33:37,938
Mum!

1502
01:33:39,618 --> 01:33:41,576
Okay, another time.

1503
01:33:41,663 --> 01:33:43,536
[Soft piano music]

1504
01:33:44,457 --> 01:33:45,488
Any time.

1505
01:33:48,127 --> 01:33:50,796
I'll be around a while, you know.

1506
01:33:59,389 --> 01:34:03,433
WILL: By the following Christmas
things were back to normal.

1507
01:34:04,644 --> 01:34:05,925
TV: Before you came--

1508
01:34:06,187 --> 01:34:09,556
WILL: Every man is an island.
And I stand by that.

1509
01:34:11,317 --> 01:34:15,896
But clearly, some men are part of island chains.

1510
01:34:17,073 --> 01:34:20,359
Below the surface of the ocean
they're actually connected.

1511
01:34:20,452 --> 01:34:23,203
So you're going to marry my mum, then?

1512
01:34:23,538 --> 01:34:24,701
Don't know.

1513
01:34:24,789 --> 01:34:25,904
Why?

1514
01:34:26,374 --> 01:34:27,785
You think she's up for it?

1515
01:34:27,876 --> 01:34:30,449
-I used to want him to marry my mum.
-You serious?

1516
01:34:30,545 --> 01:34:33,914
Yeah. But that was when she was depressed
and I was desperate.

1517
01:34:34,007 --> 01:34:35,881
Thanks, mate. Cheers.

1518
01:34:36,176 --> 01:34:39,545
RACHEL: How do you use this blender-thing?
WILL: You don't.

1519
01:34:39,888 --> 01:34:42,510
MARCUS: I used to think two wasn't enough.
WILL: Christ.

1520
01:34:42,600 --> 01:34:44,474
MARCUS: Now there were loads of people.

1521
01:34:44,560 --> 01:34:46,850
And that was great. Mostly.

1522
01:34:48,689 --> 01:34:52,355
Are you two lazy bastards
gonna get up and help, or what?

1523
01:34:53,778 --> 01:34:56,695
So how do you know Will?

1524
01:34:56,781 --> 01:35:00,695
We volunteered together
at Amnesty International a couple years ago.

1525
01:35:00,785 --> 01:35:04,119
Yeah, that's right.
How is the Burmese situation, Tom? Better?

1526
01:35:04,205 --> 01:35:05,664
I mean good?

1527
01:35:06,333 --> 01:35:09,417
Yeah, and he called me up
out of the blue for Christmas lunch.

1528
01:35:09,503 --> 01:35:11,045
So, here I am.

1529
01:35:11,129 --> 01:35:12,458
Really?

1530
01:35:13,840 --> 01:35:15,714
[Soft piano music]

1531
01:35:20,471 --> 01:35:23,093
So, listen, what's the deal
with you and Ellie now?

1532
01:35:23,183 --> 01:35:26,598
Is she your girlfriend?

1533
01:35:26,769 --> 01:35:28,513
Are you insane?

1534
01:35:30,691 --> 01:35:33,016
Where did you get those trainers?

1535
01:35:33,109 --> 01:35:35,861
-Why? What's wrong with them?
-Nothing.

1536
01:35:36,029 --> 01:35:37,191
What?

1537
01:35:37,906 --> 01:35:40,693
By the way,
I do think you and Rachel have a shot.

1538
01:35:40,784 --> 01:35:43,905
-I mean, if you don't screw it up.
-Thank you.

1539
01:35:46,541 --> 01:35:48,450
WILL: I'd created a monster.

1540
01:35:48,752 --> 01:35:50,745
Or maybe he created me.

1541
01:35:53,632 --> 01:35:56,467
MARCUS: I don't know
what Will was so upset about.

1542
01:35:57,135 --> 01:36:00,836
All I meant was
I don't think couples are the future.

1543
01:36:01,181 --> 01:36:04,052
You need more than that. You need backup.

1544
01:36:04,726 --> 01:36:07,892
The way I saw it,
Will and I both had backup now.

1545
01:36:10,148 --> 01:36:13,434
It's like that thing he told me Jon Bon Jovi said:

1546
01:36:13,527 --> 01:36:15,435
''No man is an island.''

1546
01:36:16,305 --> 01:36:22,516
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