Jagshemash.
My name-a Borat.
I like-a you. I like sex.
It's nice.
This-a my country of Kazakhstan.
It locate between Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan...
and assholes Uzbekistan.
This my town of Kuzcek.
This-a Urkin, the town rapist.
Naughty, naughty.
Over here, our town kindergarten.
And here, Livamuka Sakonov-
our town mechanic and abortionist.
This my house. Entry, please.
He is my neighbor, Nursultan Tulyakbay.
He is pain in my assholes.
I get window from a glass, he must get window from a glass.
I get a step, he must get a step.
I get a clock radio, he cannot afford. Great success.
This is Natalya.
She's my sister.
She is number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan.
Nice.
This is my mother.
She oldest woman in whole of Kuzcek.
She is-a 43.
I love her.
And this, my wife, Oksana.
She's-a boring.
Come in here, please. Ignore.
This where I lives.
My bed.
This is a VCR recorded.
And this are play cassettes.
Now I show you outside from my houses.
My hobbies: Ping-Pong...
sunbathe...
a disco dance.
And on weekends, I travel to capital city...
and watch-a ladies while they make-a toilet.
My profession: work as a television reporter...
for Kazakhstan.
Please, you see.
Although Kazakhstan glorious country...
it have problem too-
economic, social and Jew.
This why Ministry of Information...
have decide to send me to U.S. and A.-
greatest country in the world-
to learn-a lessons for Kazakhstan.
I will travel with most venerable producer...
Azamat Bagatov.
Azamat.
I go to America!
America!
I arrive in America's airport with clothings, U.S. dollars...
and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.
Stand clear of the closing doors, please.
Hello. My name-a Borat.
I, uh, not American. I, uh, new in town.
Nice-a meet you.
Hello. Nice meet you.
Hey, what your name?
My name is Mind Your Own Fucking Business.
Stand clear of the closing doors, please.
Oh, hello. Nice-a meet you.
My name Borat.
- What's happening, man? - Nice-a meet you.
Yo, get the fuck out of here before I break your jaw, bro.
- Okay. Okay. - Yo, get the fuck off, bro.
You're fucking with the wrong one, man.
Okay, sorry.
Oh, shit.
Okay, I get it. I get it.
Please, relax.
I get him.
- Careful, he bite. - Hey, man, what are you doing?
Okay, relax.
Okay. Okay.
Okay, okay, relax.
Okay. Okay, wait.
Okay, no problem. Sorry.
Welcome to the Wellington Hotel.
- Do you want to pay for the entire stay now? - I pay for one night.
- Fine. - How much?
One night is $117 and seven- and 13 cents.
We'll call it 85.
No, we can call it 117.
Let me get the door for you.
- Come on in. - Oh, very nice.
Very nice room.
You're not in the room yet, sir. Hold on.
You might want to repack your things. We're gonna be moving again shortly.
- No, I will not move to a smaller room. - Sir, this is your floor.
- I'm gonna take you to your room. - This is not my room?
This is the elevator. It takes you to the floor where your room is.
Wo wo woo wa.
Nice.
Ooh, la, la.
Wo wo wee wa.
King in the castle, king in the castle.
Have a chair. I have a chair.
Oh, go do this, go do this. King in the castle.
Ah.
Hello. Nice meet you. My name-a Borat. I new in town. I-
- Get- Get away from me. What are you doing to me? - I kiss you, say hello.
It all right.
Hello. My name-a Borat. I am new in town.
- Don't get- Do not touch me. - I say hello.
- Do not get near my face. - I- I kiss you.
You kiss me, and I'll pop you in the fucking balls, okay?
What mean "balls"?
Oh, nice.
Very nice. How much?
Hello. Nice meet you. I new in town. My name-a Borat.
Get away! What the hell are you doing?
Hey! I want to say hello! What is the problem?
This had been most happiest day of my lifes.
I was very excite to start my reportings.
Okay.
Ah! Teh-teh-teh-teh-teh!
- Hello. - Hello.
My name is- My name is Pat Haggerty.
- Nice to meet you. Borat. - Nice to meet you.
Should I make joke about my mother-in-law?
Yes, in America, that's a very popular joke. Do you have a mother-in-law joke?
- Yes. - All right.
I had sexy time with my mother-in-law.
- A what time? - Sexy time.
I made-a sexy time with my mother-in-law.
- You had sex with your mother-in-law? - Yes.
Uh, I don't think that Americans would find that funny.
No, it is not a joke.
Yeah, we're talking about, um, humor.
Oh, yes, you asked me about my mother-in-law.
Do you have a joke about your mother-in-law?
No, why make a joke on a mother-in-law?
Um-
Do you ever laugh on people with retardation?
Here in America, we try not to...
make fun of or be funny with things that people don't choose.
But perhaps you have not seen, um...
someone with a very funny retardation.
My brother Bilo...
have a very funny, uh, retardation.
Um, in mental retardation, you know...
it causes a lot of pain and hardship for a lot of families.
Sometime my sister, she show her vagine...
to my brother, Bilo, and say...
"You will never get this. You will never get this. La-la-la-la-la."
He, uh, behind his cage, crazy, crazy. Everybody laugh.
She go, "You never get this."
Uh, but one time he break cage and he get this.
And then we laugh. High five.
Now, um-
Um, no, that would not be funny in America, okay?
What is a "not" jokes?
A "not" joke is when we're trying to make fun of something...
and what we do is, we make a statement that we pretend is true...
but at the end, we say "not," which means it's not true.
So teach me how to make one.
- All right. What color is your suit? - This suit is gray.
Gray. I would call it blue, okay?
- It's gray. - All right, it's blue-gray.
- But it's certainly not black, right? - Well, it's more gray.
- All right, let's say it's gray. But it's not- - It is gray.
Okay, so a "not" joke, I would say...
"That suit is black. Not!"
This-a suit is not black.
- No, no, "not" has to be the end. Okay. - Okay.
This suit is black not.
This suit is black. Pause. You know what a pause is?
- Yes. - This suit is black. Not!
This suit is black, pause, not.
No, you don't say "pause."
This suit is black.
That's a pause. Not!
This suit is black.
Okay, um-
- I don't- I don't- I'm not- - Not!
Everybody say U.S.A. television much better...
but this I watch for three hours, do not change.
There's a remote control right here.
You push these two arrows to change the channel.
I got him! I got him!
Would you come out in the backyard with me? I have the urge to bury something else.
Yes!
- I love you. - Oh, I love you too, Jamie.
Oh, I love you.
Do you believe in magic, um, miss-
Parker. C.J.
It's a pleasure to meet you, C.J.
Be careful! Be careful, C.J...!
This C.J. was like no Kazakh woman I had ever seen.
She had golden hairs...
teeth as white as pearls...
and the asshole of a seven-year-old.
For the first time in my lifes...
I was in love.
Okay.
In Kazakhstan, it is illegal...
for more than five woman to be in the same place...
except for in brothel or in grave.
In U.S. and A., many womens meet in a groups called feminists.
I find-a more. Chenquieh.
So what-a means, this "feminism"?
It's the theory that women should be equal to men...
in matters economic-
- social and political. - Now, you are laughing.
- Yeah. - That is the problem.
Do you think a woman should be educate?
Definitely.
But is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain than the men?
That is wrong.
But the government scientist, Dr. Yamak, have prove it is size of squirrel.
- Your government scientist? - Yes, Dr. Yamak.
He's wrong. He's wrong.
Give me a smile, baby. Why angry face?
Well, what you're saying is very demeaning.
- Do you know the word "demeaning"? - No.
We are saying to you-
I could not concentrate on what this old man was saying.
They should get paid-
All I could think about was this lovely woman...
in her red water panties.
Who was this C.J.?
Last night I see, in my hotel room...
um, a woman called C.J. on television.
- Do you know her? - No.
She-a from a town called Baywatches.
- She's just on television. - Her name is Pamela.
Do she live here in New York City?
- No, no, no. - She lives in California.
Oh, in California.
- He's gonna look her up. - Okay, are we finished now?
Listen, pussycat, smile a bit.
All right. That's it.
- I'm done. - Okay, we're finished. We have to leave.
Although I was obsessed by this C.J...
I could not pursue her...
or else my wife would snap off my cock.
- Mr. Sagdiyev? - Yes?
Uh, I have a telegram for you.
Uh, you can read?
Yes, I can.
Uh, it's "Dear Borat Sagdiyev...
"your wife, OK- Oksana...
"was walking your retarded Bilo in the woods...
"when a bear attacked and violated and break her.
She is now dead."
Uh, you saying my wife is dead?
This is what it-
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.
Uh, yes, sir.
I'm sorry to inform you, but that's what the telegram says.
High five. Great.
Eventually, I persuade Azamat...
that we would travel to California...
and make our reportings along the way.
He insist we not fly...
in case the Jews repeated their attack of 9/11.
My name is Mike. I'm gonna be your driving instructor. Welcome to our country, okay?
- My name-a Borat. - Okay, okay. Good, good.
I'm not used to that, but that's fine.
- Now, you do know how to drive a little bit? - Yes.
Yes. Put it in "D."
- What? - Drive.
Now, wait a second. Wait a second.
Have you driven a car before?
- Yes, many times. - Okay, all right. Let's go this way.
Wait a minute. I don't want you to go hitting anybody.
Use two hands, now.
- What? - Two hands.
But then it look like I am holding a gypsy while he eat my khram.
I don't care what it looks like. You use two hands when you drive, okay?
Okay.
- Watch the children. - Okay, no problem.
You must not hit the children.
Look, there is a woman in a car!
Can we follow her and maybe make a sexy time with her?
- No, no, no, no, no. - Not yet, huh? Why not?
Because a woman has a right to choose who she has sex with.
- What? - How about that? Isn't that amazing?
- You joke? - There must be consent.
How about that? That's good, huh?
- Is not good for me. - No, it is good.
- Steer the car. - Okay.
- Want to have a drink? - You can't drink that while you're driving.
- It's against the law. - Why not? What?
Who is this car that follow us? I wish it didn't follow us anymore.
- Oh, I don't know. - Maybe we lose them.
No, we better not lose them.
- Hey, don't look at me. Eat my tits! - All right.
We'll make a right turn up here.
- Don't look at me like that! I will eat your shit. - Hey, don't do that.
- You fuck my mother. - Hey, hey. You can't do that.
- No, he do before. He look on me. - You can't do that, okay?
- They're gonna throw us in jail, me with you. You can't- - Why in a jail?
He look on me- la-la-la- behind.
You can't say that.
- I like you. Do you like me? - I do like you.
- You are my friend? - You're a nice young man, and I am your friend.
- You will be my boyfriend. - Well- I won't be your boyfriend.
- Why not? You do not like me? - I can be. It depends.
Boyfriend-yeah, I can.
Great success.
Now time to make purchase of motor cars.
I want to have a car that attract a woman with a shave down below.
Well, that would be a Corvette or a Hummer.
We will try to help you out here.
A man yesterday tell me if I buy a car...
I must buy one with a pussy magnet.
He means a car that women will like.
- Yes, but where you keep this magnet? - No, there's no magnet.
That was just- He means the vehicle.
Women love the Hummers.
- Do this have a pussy magnet? - No.
The vehicle itself will be a magnet.
If I give you good price...
will you please put in pussy magnet?
Yeah, but there's-there's no such thing in this country as a- as a... magnet.
If this car drive into a group of gypsy...
will there be any damage to the car?
It depends on how hard you hit them and all that.
- Hard. - It's hard to s-Yeah, hard?
If somebody rolls on the windshield, they could crack your windshield.
How fast do I need to go to guarantee I kill him?
Let me tell you something.
With this vehicle here, probably doing 35, 40 miles an hour would do it.
- Great. - Okay.
- When I buy my wife- - Mm-hmm.
um, at the start, she was cook good...
her vagine work well, and she strong on plow.
But after three years, once she was 15...
then she become weak.
Her voice become-a deep.
"Borat, Borat."
She receive hair on chest...
and her vagine hang like sleeve of wizard.
Huh. Geez.
- How do I know that this will not happen with the car? - Geez.
Chevrolet guarantees you that with a warranty.
I like-a very much buy this Hummers.
- How much is it? - 52,000.
I am looking for something...
between, um, $600 to $650.
We don't have any cars for 650 that you can buy.
I might be able to sell you a wholesale car...
a car with a lot of miles for 700 with no warranty.
- Okay. - Come on.
California, I coming!
First stops on our journey was Washington, D.C.s...
home of mighty U.S. warlord, Premier Bush.
Wa wa wee wa!
Uzbekistan! Fuck-a you, motherfuckers!
We arrive here to learn from American politic.
Azamat arrange interview with party official from ruling regime.
- We are good friend, Bob Barr, yes? - I hope so.
It is custom...
have a cheese at the start.
Thank you.
Uh, my wife, she, uh, make this cheese.
Very nice.
She make it from-a milk from her tit.
After interview, I encounters...
traditional American street festival.
People here were much more friendly than in New York.
Next morning, I interview politician...
who is genuine chocolate face.
No makeup.
On a Sunday, I arrive in Washingtons.
I-There was a parade.
I make two friends from this parade.
Um, I invite them back my hotel room.
We drink like-a normal in Kazakhstan.
We wrestle like-a normal in Kazakhstan.
Then they say, "I wash you in a shower"...
and he wash me in a shower.
It sounds like you met somebody who is from...
what is called in America "the gay community."
- What it mean, "gay," this word "gay"? - Homosexual.
A homosexual? You mean-
Are you telling me the man who tried to put a rubber fist in my anus...
was a homosexual?
Even though my anus was broken...
I knew that rest of our journey would be great success.
We left Washingtons and continued towards California.
Howdy, partners!
Now, building our station around you...
this is 16 WAPT News This Morning...
named "Best Newscast in the States" by the Associated Press.
All right. Well, this morning we have a very special guest here in the studio.
This is Bor-hat Sagdiyev.
He is traveling across America to get the taste of life here in the United States...
and he's spent the last few days here in our area.
- Good morning to you. - Hello. My name Borat. Hello.
Hello. Thank you.
Um, before we start, can you tell me...
because I want to make a urines, and then I come back here.
And, um, if you tell me one minute before we are starting-
We-We-We started. We are actually live on the air right now.
- I am very excite! - Yes, it's-
- Hello, U.S. and A! - Yes.
Hello, U.S. and A. I'm very excite.
I'm very excite to be here.
Uh, hello.
- Hello to you as well. - Yes.
Now, real quickly, why are you here in the United States?
Uh, because I want to learn...
from U.S. and A. your culture...
and to understand, uh...
from how thing happen...
and to take this lesson back to my country.
All right. Would you like to have a seat?
- Yes. - Please sit, please sit, please sit.
Now, one of the things that you've enjoyed so much about-
Can I have a microphone so people can hear me?
- They can hear you right now. - How?
You are miked up. This little thing right here, that's the microphone. Why, thank you.
Hello! Hello! Nice to meet you.
Welcome to the United States. Thank you very much for coming on.
- Thank you. Nice to meet you. - We appreciate it.
When you come out to Kazakhstan, you can-a stay at my house.
- Thank you so much. - You can sleep my house, and you can use my sister.
Well, I appreciate the invitation. Thank you so much.
Meteorologist Ken Johnson will have the latest on Tropical Storm Emily when we return.
Ten seconds, stand by.
This is 16 WAPT News This Morning.
Traffic is flowing along smoothly along Interstate 55. Dry road conditions.
However, if you're heading to the north, not too far away from homes in Attala County...
there's some showers up there.
Check that out on Live Pinpoint Doppler 16 radar this morning.
Thank you. Very nice for have me.
What your name?
Um, we're on air right now, doing the weather.
- What your name? - We're on the air doing the weather right now.
I'm, uh- Go over here with Adrienne. Go over there. Adrienne.
- She's calling you to go over here. - He is a she?
- Yes, I know. - Wow. How nice.
Yes, g-
- Go over here wi- - What your name? What you do here?
- I'm, um- I'm the weather guy. - Water man, huh?
Okay, um-
- Nice to meet you. - Let's go over to the weather.
You can see the ra-radar right now...
showing some showers and storms up to the north of the county.
- Okay, let me, um- - Okay.
- Nice to meet you. - Thank you.
Showers and storms north of Yazoo City, up towards Kosciusko.
Thank you. Bye-bye.
We welcome you to the 38th annual...
Kroger Valleydale Stampede Days Rodeo.
Of course, every picture that we get back...
from the terrorists or anything else, the Muslims, they look like you-
- black hair and a black mustache. - Yes.
Shave that dadgum mustache off so you're not so conspicuous...
so you look like maybe an Italian or something.
- Yes. - As far as when people are looking at you.
I see a lot of people, and I think, "There's a dadgum Muslim.
I wonder what kind of bomb he's got strapped to him."
- Yes. - And you probably aren't a Muslim.
Maybe that's not your religion.
No, I'm a Kazakh. I follow the hawk.
Yeah, but-but you look like one of them.
This thing gets over with, and when we win it...
- and kick the butts over there- - Yes.
- All of them son of a bucks hanging from the gallows. - Yes!
By that time you will have proven yourself...
and they'll understand, you'll be accepted.
- Take care. - Thank you.
- I ain't gonna kiss you. - Why not?
The people that do the kissing over here are the ones that float around like that.
- Oh, they all "la-la-la"? - Yeah, stay away from them that kiss.
- Okay. - You don't want nobody kissing.
In my country, they take them, and they take them to jail and finish them.
- Take 'em out and hang 'em. - Yes.
That's what we're trying to get done here.
- High five. - Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen of Salem, Virginia...
would you please give a warm, American welcome...
to a gentleman who has come all the way from Kazakhstan?
And we are honored to have singing our national anthem...
ladies and gentlemen, Borat Sagdiyev.
My name-a Borat. I come-a from Kazakhstan.
Can I say first...
we support your war of terror!
May we show our support to our boys in Iraq.
May U.S. and A. kill every single terrorist.
May George Bush drink the blood...
of every single man, woman and child of Iraq!
Yeah!
May you destroy their country...
so that for the next thousand years...
not even a single lizard will survive in their desert.
To show our friendship, I now will sing...
our Kazakh national anthem...
to the tune of your national anthem.
Please stand.
I was sad.
The rodeo peoples did not like me.
What if Pamela did not like me too?
We needed something to change our fortunes.
Do not fear me, gypsy. All I want from you is your tears.
Please give them to me, or I will take them.
I'm not a gypsy.
I'm a Midwestern farmer's daughter. Americana.
You have many treasures. Who did you rob for this?
We didn't rob them. They all came from inside the house.
I will look on your treasures, gypsy.
Is this understood? I will look on them.
Please, do.
Who is this lady you have shrunk?
Was she the owner of this house that you camp in front of?
No. There's a couple more child's dolls.
Do not try shrink me, gypsy. I serious.
- These are your spells? - No.
There's a good one: The Millionaire Mindset.
- There we go. - Wa wa wee wa.
- Baywatch. - Baywatch?
It mean she love me.
- Azamat! - Yeah?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, you! Hey, stop that goddamn van. Hey!
Hey, baby, you want to go out? You want to go out, honey?
I need the direction to California, please.
- To California? - You're a long way from home.
Who you with, man? Who you with? Who you with?
I with my friend Azamat Bagatov. We travel across the country.
Hold on. Slow down. Don't be talking all that.
- You got to be talking English around here. - Who you with?
You look like Michael Jackson, "Beat It."
Man, you better get your-Aw!
I like you peoples. Can you teach me how to dress?
How can I be like you?
- You need to loosen up that belt, let them jeans down. - Pull them down?
- Don't pull them down like you're gonna go- - Like a ho?
- No, no, no, no. - Like this?
- Yeah, yeah. - But don't show your Huggies though, man.
What the hell?
- Is that fishnet? - No, no, no.
These are my underpants.
- What kind of music you listen to? - I like very much Kokibuchuk.
You know Kokibuchuk?
No, no, no.
Can you teach me speak like you?
- What you trying to say? - How you say, "How do you do?"
What's up wit it?
- What's that with it? - Yeah.
What's up with it, Vanilla Face?
Me and my homey Azamat just parked our slab outside.
Please.
We're looking for somewhere to post up our black asses for the night.
So, uh, bang, bang, skid, skid, nigga.
We're just a couple of pimps, no hos.
- Sir, sir, you got to leave. - Okay.
Either leave now, or we're gonna call the cops and we'll have you taken out.
- Hi. - Thank you. You have room for tonight?
- Oh, yes. Definitely. - Yes.
- Come on in. - Great.
- So, come on in. - Come on in.
- Your friend also. - Thank you.
- Oh, is beautiful houses. - All the paint-
All the paintings in the house I did.
What is this man?
This is a Yemenite Jew, and he's working on a piece of jewelry.
The Yemenites-
were also jewelers.
Why you have a picture of a Jew?
Because I'm Jewish...
so I have lots of pictures of Jews.
Um, this is the room.
And, uh, do you need two pillows?
Uh, yes.
Great. Thank you. Lovely place.
Aah!
Shh!
Um- Um-
- Wait, wait. - Okay.
Oh, hello.
- How are you? - Great.
You getting settled in?
This is a special sandwich for you.
- I, uh, not so hungry. - Thank you.
He can eat this.
He, uh, fat.
No, no, thank you.
- You better eat because- - Take a half.
- You take a half. - Take a half.
- Just a half, and then you'll see. - Uh, I not so hungry.
Yeah, yeah, eat a little bit.
Go ahead and eat something because you're hungry, and you're a guest.
Yes.
I don't want to see you go hungry.
What is this picture over here?
Okay.
It is 3:00 in the morning.
I am in the nest of Jews.
They have cleverly shifted their shapes.
One of them has taken the form of a little old woman.
You can barely see her horns.
She have tried to poison me already.
These rats are very clever.
What is that? What?
Okay, okay.
What is the best gun to defend from a Jew?
I would, uh, recommend either a nine-millimeter or a .45.
Very nice.
Wa wa woo wa.
It like I, uh, movie star, Dirty Harold.
- Yes, sir. - Come on and make my day, Jew.
But he would not sell me gun since I'm not American.
So I look for other protection.
- What type of dog is this? - This is a tortoise.
Is this a cat in a hat?
- No. - No, it's a tortoise in a shell.
Yes.
I need animal for protection.
What you have for me?
High five! Great. Nice.
Happy times.
We were safe and well on our way to Pamela.
It was time to get back to work.
Hello. Nice meet you.
Hello. It's so nice to meet you. Welcome to America.
Will you please teach me how to dine like gentleman?
Of course. I'll be happy to.
Is it polite to greet people when I make entry?
Yes, it is.
- Let me introduce you... around. - Yes.
- You're gonna have to say names. - I'm Mike. Mike Jerrod.
Hello. I'm Bethany Weston.
- It's lovely to see you. - Yes. How do you do?
How do you do? My name is Ben.
Should I pay interest...
in peoples around the table sides?
Yes.
And if it is a big table, a very long table...
you might want to restrict your conversation-
- Yes. - to people right in your vicinity.
- Very nice. - So you are not yelling.
What do you do?
I'm the pastor of a church.
Yes. What do you do?
I have spent years in construction.
Um, I've recently retired.
- You are retard? - Uh, yes. And now-
- Uh, physical or mental? - Retired.
- No, no, not retard-
Um, I don't work anymore.
- Stopped working. - Stopped working.
Is very good you allow...
a retard to eat with you...
in the same place.
That's not what we're saying about this man.
He is not what you would...
re- refer to as retard.
- No. - No.
No, no, not at all.
Do you have a telephone in this village?
- Um- - Of course.
Should I show photos of my family?
You have photos of your family? Wonderful.
Uh, this my favorite son, Hooeylewis.
- Okay. - Yes.
- He looks happy. - Yes.
He very strong.
My goodness. Is that him holding you?
- Yes. Very strong. - Goodness.
He grow-a three centimeter. He now 17 centimeter long.
Oh, okay.
I'm not sure I would show...
these photos of him without clothes on.
Should I pay compliments to the peoples?
Yes, but only if...
you truly agree with that compliment.
You have very gentle face...
and a very erotic physique.
- Thank you. - You're correct.
That's a very good observation.
- She is your wife? - No, that's my wife.
In my country...
they would go crazy-
for these two.
Not so much-
Wa wa wee wa.
What should I say...
if I need to go to the shithole?
Uh, you mean to the restroom?
- To the place to make the shit. - The bathroom.
- Okay. What you- - Not a bath-
- To make dirt from anus. - Not a bath, right.
- The brown- - The toilet.
- Where you make, uh-You understand? - Yes.
- Bad- Bad- Bad thing from it. - Yes. Yes.
- Uh, what you do is you say- - Brown.
"Excuse me. I need to go to the restroom."
Excuse me.
Is it possible to go and do a-you-
- To be excused? - How you say in the, you know-
- Upstairs. Just say, "Excuse me a moment." - How you say it?
- I need to do, uh- - That works. Thank you.
- What you say in- - You go upstairs.
Yes. Thank you.
I think that the cultural differences...
are vast.
- Exactly. - And I think he's a delightful man.
And it wouldn't take very much time...
for him to really become Americanized.
Thank you very much. I feel much better. Cindy, where shall I put this?
- Just, uh- - Where shall I put this?
Oh, um-
Maybe in the other- in the other room for a minute.
- In... the- - In the-
- I do not want the- - Excuse me. Excuse me for just a moment, please.
You roll off... like this...
and you wipe your bottom...
and you put the paper- Look!
- I-You wipe mine? - You! No, I don't. You do.
This is a very private thing.
The host cleans the anus of the other?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Nobody touches you except you.
Can I bring a guest to dinner?
If you have been invited to a home or to a party-
Yes.
uh, it is acceptable to bring a guest...
- if you ask your host in advance. - Yes.
Well, Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee.
Oh, wait. It is my friend.
- Hello? - Hi. I'm looking for Borat.
- Yes, is me. Yeah. - Oh, hi, honey.
- I'm Luenell. - Oh, hello.
- Hi. - Nice to meet you.
- This my friend Luenell. - Hi.
Oh, okay. Um-
Mm, mm. Y'all having a dinner party.
Well, we were. I-I don't know exactly what all that we're doing.
It is getting very, very late.
You'll have to excuse me. I'm gonna have to go home.
- Okay. Very nice. - It's getting very, very late.
And it's- it's time that the, uh, you know...
- that we were ending our dinner party. - Oh.
- I apologi- - But can she come for desserts?
Absolutely not, and neither can you.
The sheriff is on his way. The police are coming now.
- I hope so. Thank you. - I've already called the police.
Why you call police? Have the retard escaped?
I want say I very sorry...
how they treat you in this house.
Thank you.
I was thinking maybe I'd just...
take the night off and-
Why don't we just go out and have some fun?
What do you think about that?
- Hi. My name Borat. - How you doing?
- This my friend Luenell. - Hi, Luenell.
- She is a prostitute. - Oh!
Oh!
You were funny on those bulls.
Everybody almost see your underpants.
I never rode a bull before.
Um-
Well, you want to-you want to come in for a little while?
I would like very much...
but I in love with a woman in Malibu.
It would not be nice to her for me to-
Okay, well, if you're ever in town again...
this way, you know, look me up.
If I ever in town again, Luenell...
I would very much like to pay you for sex.
Okay.
Good night, Luenells.
Good night, Borat.
You say my name right. Borat.
People say Borak or Billy or Bob.
Bye.
"Pamela is a fairly simple girl.
"She recently explained...
"'There's not a whole lot of logic...
"'in the way I live my life.
I am very spontaneous."'
I'm very spontaneous too.
I needed a gift to give to Pamela...
so that she would grant me entry into her vagine.
Therefore, I convinced Azamat...
to let me film a report in an American store.
Uh, this your shops?
Right. This is my antique shop.
Why do you have so many things with a flag?
We're honoring our heritage.
And what, uh, in here? What is this?
These are a number of collectibles.
I mean, this is a- this is a lamp that, you know, you would use in your home.
This is a Chinese cloisonné bell.
And this is a-just a, uh- a little decorative duck.
And do you think, um, you know, when they-
I'm sorry. Wait. Wait.
- We need help, baby. - No, it's okay.
I sorry.
Sorry. I will, uh, repair all of this.
Don't worry.
My friend, he can make glue.
I don't think you're gonna be able to glue that stuff back.
I think you're gonna have to pay for it.
Okay, I have digital watch from future. I will give you.
Is worth more than all of this.
You broke $425 worth of stuff.
160, 170, 180.
That's not enough.
Do you want hair? This is very good-
No, I don't want any damn hair.
This is the best hair in Kazakhstan. Feel the quality.
- I don't want your damn hair. We don't- - This hair from pubis.
I can get you, uh, 2,000 bags by next Friday.
We don't use that stuff in this country.
Just give me another 20. That's good enough.
Would you have believed this if I had told you?
- All right, go! Go! Go! - Okay?
Oh! Holy sheeze. Ow.
Okay. Um-
Um-
We have a special guest here this evening. Uh, Ruth Feiner is here.
What are you doing? Come on. Cut it out!
- Just walk 'em out. - Get the fuck out of here!
So, um, bad news.
Azamat have, uh, leave.
I wake up, he disappear...
and he take... Oksana...
my bear- our bear.
And he also decide to take all money...
and also my passport.
And, um...
he leave me...
only this bag...
with a hen...
and, uh...
ticket to Kazakhstan...
but no passport.
But at least he's, uh...
man enough to leave me, uh...
my beautiful...
uh, which I, uh, have cleaned since last night.
And, uh, I have decide...
to continue making documentary.
Make it without Azamat.
I think will be better, and I will have more success...
without him.
Chenquieh.
Uh, I only want 17 cents, please.
I had no car, no money and no Azamat.
The only thing keep me going was my dream...
of one day holding Pamela in my arms...
and then making romance explosion on her stomatch.
Eventually, I managed to hike hitchings...
with group of young scholars also traveling across country.
High five!
Hey, how you doing? How you doing?
Where the fuck are you from, baby?
- I from Kazakhstan. - Hey, have a seat.
- Welcome to fucking America, baby. - Have a seat. Let's go.
- What's your name? - Anthony.
- Anthony? - Yes.
- Anthony- - And Justin.
- Justin. - Mm-hmm. And David.
- David. - Bartender Dave.
- David. - Very nice.
- Can you open this, please? - Oh, sure.
- Thank you very much. - So, what, you have a-
You like the bitches out there in the, uh, fucking, uh, old Russia there?
- What? - The bitches in old Russia.
What you mean "bitches"?
The women! The fucking hos, baby! The fucking girls!
- You fuck the shit out of 'em! Then you never call them again. - Yeah.
Why you don't call them? Because they do not have a telephone, yes?
No, not 'cause of that.
They don't have my respect, you know? I mean-
So what are you doing here in America? What are you doing?
Uh, they film me travel across, uh, U.S. and A.
- Okay. - I don't know what he's saying, man!
- What? - But that's cool!
- Let's get drunk. - Oh!
- Yes! High fives! - High five! High five!
- Oh-ho-hoo! Oh! - Ooh!
- This is America in a bottle. - Let's drink!
- Whoo! - Oh, baby!
- Oh... baby! - Borat, let me hear it. Oh, baby!
Oh, the baby!
- Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! - Yeah!
Whoo!
- Let me tell you game we play. - Can I tell you a game you play?
We play game called "When the snake eat the pig."
- When the snake eat the- huh? - The snake eat the pig.
You get a baby mouse.
- Baby mouse. - Very small.
And you, uh, uh, put a bit of cheese...
in hole of your khram until it go inside.
That is too crazy for me!
I'll do it. I don't give a fuck. I'll do it.
Let me ask you this.
- Are woman-Are women your slaves in Russia? - No.
Do you have slaves here?
- We wish. We wish. - No slaves. No slaves.
- It is a shame. - And Borat, Borat.
- Big shame. Big shame. - It would be better country if-
There-Yes, it would be a better country. We should have slaves.
Our country, the minorities actually have more power.
Anyone that is minority has the-the, uh, upper hand.
We have the Jews. We have anybody that's against the mainstream.
Do you want to see my new wife?
- Yes! - Yes!
- This my new wife. - Whoo!
- Pamela! - You know her?
Pamela! I know of Pamela.
I will take her virgin for the first time.
I am going to put this shit on.
- Put it on the DVD. - Borat, Borat, we have a lot to talk about.
- I will take her virgin. I will uncork her. - Bor-Bor-Borat.
- She is no virgin, Borat. - Is not true.
- She's no virgin, buddy! - Not true, liar!
- Liar, liar! Your pants is on fire. - Borat, Borat, shut up!
Small Jacuzzi on the fucking small yacht.
What's she do?
- She's sucking some dick, man. - Do you see her sucking dick?
This is not her.
I guarantee that that shit's gonna happen. Don't worry about it.
That's her, Borak. Sorry.
- Borat, that's her. - This is not her.
- This is her? - Borat, I'm sorry.
- I'm sure it's her. - I go.
- No, no, no! - Titty bar!
- I go. - Come here.
You're my man. You're my man.
- I did not know she was- - Come on, Boris.
- Stay with us, buddy. Boris, stay strong. - We love you.
- We'll remember you always. - Boris!
- Like I taught you. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Okay.
Hey. Hey. You're in America now.
You'll make it. You keep going, okay?
- You are bigger than a woman. - You keep going.
- You are better than a woman. - I go back to New York.
We will always be behind you.
Do not let a woman ever, ever...
make you who you are.
- Good-bye, my friends. - Good-bye.
My ticket!
I sorry, my friend.
Go.
Run to freedom.
Go! Go! Live your life!
Yes!
Come on!
It is good to be here.
This is my 10th Pentecostal camp meeting- a decade.
The bottom line is:
we are a Christian nation now...
we were a Christian nation in the beginning...
and we're gonna always be a Christian nation...
until the good Lord returns.
Amen.
I didn't evolve out of a monkey.
I didn't used to be a tadpole. I is what I is.
Praise you, Jesus.
The Bible says that God was manifest in the flesh...
and believed all in the world!
I got good news: Jesus is God in the flesh!
I don't care what the devil's done to you or what he's trying to do.
All you gotta do is step out of that aisle now...
and make your way down to this altar.
Let's have a little old-time church right now.
I need somebody to pray with me right now. Come on, sir!
The blood over my neighbor! I bleed the blood over my church!
I want you to help save me, please.
Ladies and gentlemen, the gentleman here...
standing right here next to me, his name is Bullock.
Would you greet him with a great big "Jesus" for just a couple of minutes?
- Jesus! - Thank you.
I have no friends. I am alone in this country.
Nobody like me.
My only friend Azamat...
he take my money and my bear, and he leave me alone.
Not only this.
The woman I love, the reason I travel across the country...
she have do something terrible on a boat.
- And now I can never forgive her. - You have to.
Is there anybody who can help me?
Yes.
- One that can help you is who we preached about tonight. - Jesus.
Do Jesus like me?
Absolutely. Jesus loves you.
Do Jesus like my sons?
Jesus loves your sons.
Do Jesus love my retard brother Bilo?
He loves your brother Bilo.
Do Jesus love my neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay?
Yes, he loves everybody.
Nobody love my neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay.
Can Jesus heal the pain that is in my heart?
Jesus can heal your pain in your heart!
Make him heal the pain that is in my heart!
Lift your hands and begin to worship.
Won't you lift your hands with him, as we pray in the name of Jesus?
- God, forgive me of my sins. - God, forgive me of sins.
- Forgive me, God. Cleanse me. - Cleanse me.
- Cleanse me, Lord, in the name of Jesus. - Cleanse me! Cleanse me!
Yeah, let that tongue go! Here it comes!
We're gonna speak in other tongues. Let it go!
Let that tongue go!
Yes, God! Yes, God!
Yes, Lord!
Yes! Yes!
Come on. At your feet.
That's the Holy Ghost. That's God. That's Jesus.
I will forgive Pamela, and I will go to California.
I will go to Malibu with me and my friend, Mr. Jesus.
And together, we will take her.
I took a bus to Los Angeles with some friends of Mr. Jesus.
Finally, I had arrive.
Happy times.
Marilyn.
Azamat?
Azamat!
I with him.
Okay, okay, okay.
Take it easy.
I had not come to Hollywood to fight a man dressed as Hitler.
I had come to make Pamela Andersons my wife.
So I forgave Azamat.
Mmm.
Oh, Pamela.
Ahh.
Jagshemash.
Having learned many lessons from U.S. and A...
I will now teach America how to have a wedding Kazakhi-style.
You'll find more. Chenquieh.
I very excite. Very excite.
- Hi. - There she is.
How you doin'?
How are you? It's me, Borat.
- Well, thanks for coming, you guys. - Thank you!
I love Pamela Andersons.
- Really? - Uh-huh.
- Thank you. - Cool. Thank you very much.
Go ahead.
- Hi. - Hello, uh, my name-
- Make it out to someone? - My name Borat Sagdiyev.
- I, uh, son of Asimbala Sagdiyev- - What?
and, uh, Boltok the Rapist.
Um, I former husband of Oksana Sagdiyev...
who was daughter of Mariam Tulyakbay and Boltok the Rapist.
Okay.
- I make-a this for you, and it's, uh- - Oh, my God.
There are name, my name, uh-
your name, Pamela, on this end, and Borat Sagdiyev.
There's today's date.
This, uh, say- this today's date, our wedding.
This inside is a-
- Pamela, will you marry me? - Uh, no, thanks.
I'm sorry.
No, agreement not necessary.
Pull, pull.
Let us- Let us- Get off!
Get- Get your own wife!
Fuck! Fucking shit!
Don't worry. I got her. What's the matter?
Don't worry. I nervous too.
Pamela, wait.
- Pamela, I will give you your own plow. - Oh, my God!
Get out of the way! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out.
Pamela!
Help, help!
- Stay on the ground. - Put your hands behind your back.
Okay. Okay.
- Pamela! - I'm going to stand you up. Bring your knees up.
- All right, bring your knees up. - Okay.
Pamela! I am not attracted to you anymore.
Not!
I was humiliated.
It was time for me to return to New York...
where a ticket was waiting for me to fly back home.
While I sat on the bus, I thought of my journey over the past three weeks:
the great times, the good times...
and the shit times.
Mainly, they were shit times.
I had come to America to learn lessons for Kazakhstan.
But what had I learned?
Suddenly, I realized.
I had learned that if you chase a dream...
especially one with plastic chests...
you can miss the real beauty in front of your eyes.
Hi.
Welcome back in my town of Kuzcek.
Since I return, there have been much improvements.
We no longer have a Running of the Jew.
It's cruel. We Christians now.
Doltan improve too. Hey, Doltan.
High five.
Great.
Come my house.
There lives Nursultan Tulyakbay.
He's still asshole.
I get iPod. He only get iPod Mini.
Everybody know it for girls!
Come.
And this my beautiful wife.
Thank you for watch my film.
I hope you like. Chenquieh.
Chenquieh!
Translated By Freak_racer03