1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 anoXmous https://thepiratebay.se/user/Zen_Bud/ 2 00:00:11,542 --> 00:00:14,500 BRIDGET: It all began on New Year's Day... 3 00:00:14,542 --> 00:00:17,792 in my thirty-second year of being single. 4 00:00:19,083 --> 00:00:21,458 Once again, I found myself on my own... 5 00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:25,708 and going to my mother's annual turkey curry buffet. 6 00:00:25,750 --> 00:00:27,333 Every year, she tries to fix me up... 7 00:00:27,333 --> 00:00:29,708 with some bushy-haired, middle-aged bore... 8 00:00:29,750 --> 00:00:32,958 and I feared this year would be no exception. 9 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,833 There you are, dumpling. 10 00:00:34,875 --> 00:00:36,500 BRIDGET: My mum-- 11 00:00:36,542 --> 00:00:37,917 a strange creature from the time... 12 00:00:37,958 --> 00:00:39,292 when pickles on tooth picks... 13 00:00:39,333 --> 00:00:40,833 were still the height of sophistication. 14 00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:42,500 Doilies, Pam? Hello, Bridget. 15 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,667 Third drawer from the top, Una. 16 00:00:44,708 --> 00:00:46,667 Under the mini gherkins. 17 00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:50,875 By the way, the Darcys are here. They brought Mark with them. 18 00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:52,500 BRIDGET: Ah, here we go. 19 00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:53,917 You remember Mark. 20 00:00:53,958 --> 00:00:55,625 You used to play in his paddling pool. 21 00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:57,500 He's a barrister. Very well off. 22 00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:59,542 No, I don't remember. 23 00:00:59,583 --> 00:01:01,500 He's divorced, apparently. 24 00:01:01,542 --> 00:01:04,000 His wife was Japanese. Very cruel race. 25 00:01:04,042 --> 00:01:05,708 Now, what are you going to put on? 26 00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:06,875 This. 27 00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:08,792 MUM: Oh, don't be silly, Bridget. 28 00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:09,958 You'll never get a boyfriend... 29 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,958 if you look like you've wandered out of Auschwitz. 30 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,000 Now, run upstairs. 31 00:01:13,042 --> 00:01:15,000 I've laid out something lovely on your bed. 32 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,083 Tsk. [Sighs] 33 00:01:18,292 --> 00:01:22,083 ANDY WILLIAMS SINGING: You're just too good to be true 34 00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,500 Can't take my eyes off of you 35 00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:28,917 BRIDGET: Great. I was wearing a carpet. 36 00:01:28,917 --> 00:01:30,750 UNCLE GEOFFREY: There she is. 37 00:01:30,792 --> 00:01:34,750 [Singing] My little Bridget 38 00:01:34,792 --> 00:01:37,292 Hi, Uncle Geoffrey. Ha ha. 39 00:01:37,333 --> 00:01:38,625 -Hmm. Had a drink? -No. 40 00:01:38,667 --> 00:01:39,917 No? Come on, then. 41 00:01:39,958 --> 00:01:41,667 BRIDGET: Actually, not my uncle. 42 00:01:41,708 --> 00:01:43,458 Someone who insists I call him uncle... 43 00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:44,833 while he gropes my ass... 44 00:01:44,875 --> 00:01:47,958 and asks me the question dreaded by all Singletons. 45 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,042 UNCLE GEOFFREY: So...how's your love life? 46 00:01:51,083 --> 00:01:53,292 Super. Thanks, Uncle G. 47 00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:55,333 Still no fellow, then, eh? I don't know. 48 00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:57,833 You career girls. Can't put it off forever. 49 00:01:57,875 --> 00:01:59,750 UNA: Tick-tock, tick-tock. 50 00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:02,333 -Hello, Dad. -Hello, darling. 51 00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:03,917 How's it going? 52 00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:05,542 Torture. 53 00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,500 DAD: Your mother is trying to fix you up with some divorcee. 54 00:02:08,542 --> 00:02:09,917 Uhh. 55 00:02:09,958 --> 00:02:13,042 Human-rights barrister. Pretty nasty beast, apparently. 56 00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:16,500 BRIDGET: Hoo. Ding-dong. 57 00:02:16,542 --> 00:02:19,375 Maybe this time Mum had got it right. 58 00:02:19,417 --> 00:02:22,750 Come on. Why don't we see if Mark fancies a gherkin? 59 00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:24,750 [Whispering] Good luck. 60 00:02:24,833 --> 00:02:26,333 Mark? 61 00:02:26,375 --> 00:02:29,042 BRIDGET: Maybe this was the mysterious Mr. Right... 62 00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,875 I'd been waiting my whole life to meet. 63 00:02:31,917 --> 00:02:35,000 You remember Bridget. 64 00:02:35,042 --> 00:02:36,792 BRIDGET: Maybe not. 65 00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:38,583 She's used to run around your lawn... 66 00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,792 with no clothes on, remember? 67 00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,875 Uh, no, not as such. 68 00:02:44,583 --> 00:02:45,792 Come and look at your gravy, Pam. 69 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,708 I think it's going to need sieving. 70 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:48,917 Of course it doesn't need sieving. 71 00:02:48,958 --> 00:02:50,708 Just stir it, Una. 72 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:53,958 Yes, of course. I'll be right there. 73 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,958 Sorry. Lumpy gravy calls. 74 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,458 ANDY WILLIAMS SINGING: Let me love you 75 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:00,917 [Sighs] 76 00:03:00,958 --> 00:03:03,917 -So...ha. -So. 77 00:03:03,958 --> 00:03:07,083 You staying at your parents' for New Year? 78 00:03:07,292 --> 00:03:08,667 -Yes. -Mmm. 79 00:03:08,708 --> 00:03:10,083 -You? -Oh, no, no, no. 80 00:03:10,292 --> 00:03:12,292 I was in London at a party last night... 81 00:03:12,333 --> 00:03:14,625 so I'm afraid I'm a bit hung over. 82 00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:16,583 Wish I could be lying with my head in the toilet... 83 00:03:16,625 --> 00:03:18,083 Like all normal people. 84 00:03:18,292 --> 00:03:20,042 [Chuckles, sighs] 85 00:03:20,083 --> 00:03:22,792 New Year's resolution-- drink less. 86 00:03:22,833 --> 00:03:25,792 Oh, and quit smoking. Mmm. Ha. 87 00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:28,500 -Oh. -Oh. Ha. 88 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,917 And keep New Year's resolutions. 89 00:03:32,708 --> 00:03:35,667 Oh. And, uh... 90 00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:38,625 stop talking total nonsense to strangers. 91 00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:40,958 In fact, stop talking, full stop. 92 00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:44,542 Yes, well, perhaps it's time to eat. 93 00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:45,542 Mmm. 94 00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:47,417 ANDY WILLIAMS SINGING: I need you, baby 95 00:03:47,417 --> 00:03:48,375 MRS. DARCY: Apparently... 96 00:03:49,333 --> 00:03:50,458 she lives just 'round the corner from you. 97 00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:53,042 Mother, I do not need a blind date. 98 00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:55,708 Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster... 99 00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,542 who smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish... 100 00:03:57,583 --> 00:03:59,625 and dresses like her mother. 101 00:04:02,292 --> 00:04:04,000 Yummy. 102 00:04:04,042 --> 00:04:05,917 Turkey curry. 103 00:04:05,917 --> 00:04:07,792 My favorite. 104 00:04:07,833 --> 00:04:10,667 BRIDGET: And that was it. Right there. 105 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,625 Right there. That was the moment. 106 00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:19,042 I suddenly realized that unless some thing changed soon... 107 00:04:19,083 --> 00:04:21,708 I was going to live a life where my major relationship... 108 00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:23,625 was with a bottle of wine... 109 00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:26,833 and I'd finally die fat and alone... 110 00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:30,667 and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs. 111 00:04:30,708 --> 00:04:33,333 Or I was about to turn into Glenn Close... 112 00:04:33,375 --> 00:04:34,792 in "Fatal Attraction." 113 00:04:36,417 --> 00:04:42,667 JAMIE O'NEAL SINGING: All by myself 114 00:04:42,708 --> 00:04:44,625 Don't wanna be 115 00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:49,000 All by myself 116 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,000 Anymore 117 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,625 VOICE: You have no messages. 118 00:04:56,000 --> 00:05:02,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 119 00:05:18,417 --> 00:05:20,875 [Guitar plays] 120 00:05:20,917 --> 00:05:22,833 JAMIE O'NEAL SINGING: When I was young 121 00:05:24,417 --> 00:05:27,792 I never needed anyone 122 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:34,083 And making' love was just for fun 123 00:05:36,417 --> 00:05:38,958 Those days are gone 124 00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:49,333 All by myself 125 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,083 Don't wanna be 126 00:05:52,292 --> 00:05:56,667 All by myself 127 00:05:56,708 --> 00:06:01,667 Anymore 128 00:06:01,708 --> 00:06:05,583 Ohh 129 00:06:05,583 --> 00:06:07,583 Ohh 130 00:06:07,625 --> 00:06:08,708 Oh-oh-oh 131 00:06:17,917 --> 00:06:23,375 All by myself 132 00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:27,542 Don't wanna live... 133 00:06:27,583 --> 00:06:29,625 BRIDGET: And so I made a major decision. 134 00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:31,083 I had to make sure that next year... 135 00:06:31,083 --> 00:06:34,375 I wouldn't end up shit-faced and listening to sad FM... 136 00:06:34,417 --> 00:06:36,833 easy-listening for the over-thirties. 137 00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:39,792 I decided to take control of my life... 138 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,333 and start a diary... 139 00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:44,042 to tell the truth about Bridget Jones... 140 00:06:44,083 --> 00:06:45,417 the whole truth. 141 00:06:46,833 --> 00:06:48,958 Resolution number one-- ohh-- 142 00:06:49,833 --> 00:06:50,792 obviously will I lose twenty pounds. 143 00:06:50,792 --> 00:06:51,708 Number two... 144 00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:54,292 always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. 145 00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:55,708 Equally important... 146 00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:58,375 will find nice sensible boyfriend to go out with... 147 00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,417 and not continue to form romantic attachments... 148 00:07:00,458 --> 00:07:01,958 to any of the following... 149 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,375 alcoholics, workaholics, commitment-phobics... 150 00:07:04,417 --> 00:07:05,750 peepingtoms, megalomaniacs... 151 00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,667 emotional fuck wits, or perverts. 152 00:07:07,708 --> 00:07:10,375 And especially will not fantasize... 153 00:07:10,417 --> 00:07:14,958 about a particular person who embodies all these things. 154 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,042 ARETHA FRANKLIN SINGING: What you want 155 00:07:18,292 --> 00:07:20,375 Baby, I got 156 00:07:20,417 --> 00:07:22,083 What you need 157 00:07:22,292 --> 00:07:23,708 Do you know I got it? 158 00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:27,083 BRIDGET: Unfortunately, he just happens to be my boss... 159 00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,375 Editor-in-Chief, Daniel Cleaver. 160 00:07:29,417 --> 00:07:31,292 And for various slightly unfair reasons... 161 00:07:31,292 --> 00:07:33,542 relating to this year's Christmas party... 162 00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:37,417 I suspect he does not fantasize about me. 163 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,583 BRIDGET, DRUNK, SINGING: Oh 164 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:43,750 Can't live 165 00:07:43,792 --> 00:07:47,458 If living is without you 166 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:52,042 I can't live 167 00:07:52,083 --> 00:07:53,708 Can't give anymore 168 00:07:53,750 --> 00:07:56,292 BRIDGET: Or maybe I'm wrong. 169 00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:57,458 Huh? 170 00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:58,958 [Indistinct chattering] 171 00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:07,917 BRIDGET: Ah. 172 00:08:07,958 --> 00:08:10,292 Happy New Year, Mr. Fitzherbert. 173 00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:11,667 Happy New Year, Brenda. 174 00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:14,375 BRIDGET: Mr. Fitzherbert-- Tits Pervert, more like. 175 00:08:14,417 --> 00:08:16,292 Daniel's boss who stares freely at my breasts... 176 00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:19,083 with no idea who lam or what I do. 177 00:08:19,292 --> 00:08:21,458 Morning. I need that "Kafka's Motor bike" release... 178 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:22,667 by 11:00. 179 00:08:22,708 --> 00:08:25,333 BRIDGET: Perpetua-- slightly senior... 180 00:08:25,375 --> 00:08:27,375 and therefore thinks she's in charge of me. 181 00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:28,583 Most of the time... 182 00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:31,292 I just want to staple things to her head. 183 00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:32,500 [Telephone rings] 184 00:08:32,542 --> 00:08:33,708 Publicity. 185 00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:35,667 JUDE: All I asked-- I only asked... 186 00:08:35,708 --> 00:08:38,458 if he wanted to come on a mini-break to Paris... 187 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,458 BRIDGET: Daily call from Jude. Best friend. 188 00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:42,417 Head of investment at Brightlings Bank... 189 00:08:42,458 --> 00:08:44,000 who spends most of her time... 190 00:08:44,042 --> 00:08:46,917 trapped in the lady's toilet, crying over fuck wit boyfriend. 191 00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:48,542 I'm too needy. 192 00:08:48,583 --> 00:08:50,083 JUDE: Am I codependent? 193 00:08:50,292 --> 00:08:51,667 No, you're not. 194 00:08:51,708 --> 00:08:53,792 It's not you. You're lovely. 195 00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,750 It's Vile Richard. 196 00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:58,708 Ugh. He's just a big knob head with no knob. 197 00:09:00,625 --> 00:09:05,042 Is some people's opinion of Kafka... 198 00:09:05,083 --> 00:09:07,000 but they couldn't be more wrong. 199 00:09:07,042 --> 00:09:08,542 This book is a searing vision... 200 00:09:08,583 --> 00:09:10,708 of the wounds our century has inflicted on-- 201 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,625 on traditional masculinity. 202 00:09:12,625 --> 00:09:15,667 It's positively Vonnegut-esque. 203 00:09:15,708 --> 00:09:17,667 Thank you for calling, Professor Leavis. 204 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,750 Guest list for launch party. 205 00:09:21,792 --> 00:09:22,958 Ah. 206 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,917 Was that...F.R. Leavis? 207 00:09:27,917 --> 00:09:30,417 Mm-hmm. 208 00:09:30,417 --> 00:09:31,625 DANIEL: Wow. 209 00:09:31,667 --> 00:09:32,958 Huh. 210 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,708 The F.R. Leavis... 211 00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:37,458 who wrote "Mass Civilization and Minority Culture"? 212 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,000 Mm-hmm. 213 00:09:39,042 --> 00:09:42,750 The F.R. Leavis who died in 1978? 214 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:47,583 Amazing. 215 00:09:50,292 --> 00:09:52,042 BRIDGET: Emergency summit with urban family... 216 00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:54,500 for coherent discussion of career crisis. 217 00:09:54,542 --> 00:09:56,792 Fuck 'em. Fuck the lot of them. 218 00:09:56,833 --> 00:09:58,875 Tell them they can stick fucking Leavis... 219 00:09:58,958 --> 00:10:00,750 up their fucking asses. 220 00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:03,375 Good, good. That's very useful, very useful. 221 00:10:03,417 --> 00:10:04,917 BRIDGET: Shazzer--journalist... 222 00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:06,750 I likes to say "fuck" a lot. 223 00:10:06,792 --> 00:10:09,375 And, Jude, what would you do if one of your assistants... 224 00:10:09,417 --> 00:10:11,625 made a harmless little mistake like that? 225 00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:13,000 I'd fire you, Bridge. 226 00:10:13,042 --> 00:10:14,750 Excellent. 227 00:10:14,792 --> 00:10:17,000 Is that Cleaver chap still as cute as ever? 228 00:10:17,042 --> 00:10:18,458 Oh, God, yes. 229 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,458 Then I think a well-timed blow job's... 230 00:10:20,458 --> 00:10:21,583 probably the best answer. 231 00:10:21,625 --> 00:10:22,958 -SHAZZER: Ohh. -Oh, you love it. 232 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,292 Are you that chap that sang that song? 233 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,042 Yes. Yes, I am. 234 00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:28,750 BRIDGET: Tom-- Eighties pop icon 235 00:10:28,792 --> 00:10:30,875 who only wrote one hit record... 236 00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:32,875 then retired because he found that one record... 237 00:10:32,917 --> 00:10:34,375 was quite enough to get him laid... 238 00:10:34,417 --> 00:10:35,875 for the whole of the Nineties. 239 00:10:35,917 --> 00:10:38,542 -Great song. -Thank you so much. 240 00:10:38,583 --> 00:10:39,958 BRIDGET: Total poof, of course. 241 00:10:39,958 --> 00:10:41,958 -More vodka? -No. 242 00:10:41,958 --> 00:10:44,875 Yes. Fill her up, God damn it. 243 00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:46,542 BRIDGET: At least now I'm in my thirties... 244 00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:47,750 I can hold my drink. 245 00:10:47,792 --> 00:10:48,917 [Laughter] 246 00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:51,667 Ohh! Whoops. 247 00:10:51,708 --> 00:10:54,958 -Mind the step. -She's fine. Drive on. 248 00:10:55,333 --> 00:10:59,583 DANIEL: Apparently F.R. Leavis is coming. 249 00:11:01,583 --> 00:11:03,583 Afternoon, Bridget. 250 00:11:03,667 --> 00:11:06,750 PERPETUA: What do you mean you're going on holiday? 251 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:09,708 Well, what about Julia? 252 00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:14,958 Does she have to go to the funeral? 253 00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:32,750 [Gasps] 254 00:11:39,292 --> 00:11:41,875 Listen, we got a little problem... 255 00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:46,792 The only problem is the kitchen. 256 00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:48,750 PERPETUA: Quite frankly, there isn't room... 257 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,875 BRIDGET: Message Mr. Cleaver. 258 00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:54,458 Am appalled by message. 259 00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:58,500 Skirt is demonstrably neither sick nor absent. 260 00:11:58,542 --> 00:12:01,583 Appalled by management's blatantly size-ist attitude... 261 00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:02,833 to skirt. 262 00:12:02,875 --> 00:12:06,542 Suggest management sick, not skirt! 263 00:12:06,583 --> 00:12:08,583 PERPETUA: That's quite ridiculous. 264 00:12:08,583 --> 00:12:10,750 Ooh. Oh, I see. 265 00:12:10,792 --> 00:12:12,500 DANIEL: Hang on. Hang on. 266 00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:22,083 Right. Yeah. 267 00:12:22,292 --> 00:12:24,042 No, I understand that. 268 00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:25,833 I understand that perfectly. 269 00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:33,792 BRIDGET: Very bad start to the year. 270 00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:35,667 Have been seduced by informality... 271 00:12:35,708 --> 00:12:38,958 of messaging medium into flirting with office scoundrel. 272 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:43,458 Will persevere with resolution to find a nice sensible man. 273 00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:47,292 Will put a stop to flirting... first thing tomorrow. 274 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,750 Good plan. 275 00:12:55,958 --> 00:12:57,542 PRETENDERS SINGING: Don't get me wrong 276 00:12:57,625 --> 00:12:58,875 DANIEL: If walking past office... 277 00:12:58,917 --> 00:13:00,792 was attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt... 278 00:13:00,792 --> 00:13:03,042 can only say that it has failed parlously. 279 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,625 Cleave. 280 00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:07,750 BRIDGET: Shut up, please. I'm very busy and important. 281 00:13:07,792 --> 00:13:10,583 P.S. How dare you sexually harass me... 282 00:13:10,625 --> 00:13:12,917 in this impertinent manner. 283 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,417 DANIEL: Message Jones. 284 00:13:14,417 --> 00:13:15,667 Mortified to have caused offense. 285 00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:18,083 Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future. 286 00:13:18,292 --> 00:13:19,750 Deeply apologetic. 287 00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:22,458 P.S. Like your tits in that top. 288 00:13:24,333 --> 00:13:25,833 I'm thinking about the fire works 289 00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:27,917 BRIDGET: Mustn't read too much into it, no. 290 00:13:27,958 --> 00:13:29,750 [Humming Wedding March] Dum lum dee dum 291 00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:32,542 Dum dum dee dum, dum dum dee dum dum 292 00:13:32,583 --> 00:13:33,833 And it all began, of course... 293 00:13:33,875 --> 00:13:35,792 with some very irresponsible e-mailing... 294 00:13:35,833 --> 00:13:38,042 over Bridget's non-existent skirt. 295 00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:41,708 PRETENDERS SINGING: If I split like light refracted 296 00:13:43,417 --> 00:13:46,000 I'm only off to wander 297 00:13:47,458 --> 00:13:50,417 Daniel. The New York office for you. 298 00:13:50,417 --> 00:13:53,292 Yeah, tell them I'll get back to them. 299 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,375 PRETENDERS SINGING: Once in a while 300 00:13:57,833 --> 00:13:59,083 [Elevator bell dings] 301 00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:04,667 [Ding] 302 00:14:04,708 --> 00:14:06,375 Daniel. 303 00:14:06,417 --> 00:14:07,583 Jones-- 304 00:14:07,625 --> 00:14:09,708 -Evening, Kenneth. -Good evening, Daniel. 305 00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,417 [Ding] 306 00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,458 FITZHERBERT: If you've got a moment... 307 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:16,875 I'd like a word before you leave tonight. 308 00:14:16,917 --> 00:14:18,458 Yes, certainly. 309 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:19,667 [Ding] 310 00:14:21,625 --> 00:14:23,792 -I'll see you in a sec. -Excellent. 311 00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:25,375 -And, Brenda... -Yes? 312 00:14:25,417 --> 00:14:26,958 At the "Kafka's Motor bike" thing... 313 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000 I thought it might be fun if you introduce me... 314 00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:30,417 before I introduce him. 315 00:14:30,417 --> 00:14:32,375 Add a lovely sense of occasion. 316 00:14:32,417 --> 00:14:34,375 [Chuckles] 317 00:14:34,417 --> 00:14:36,000 Certainly, sir. 318 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,875 Hmm. 319 00:14:37,917 --> 00:14:40,500 Tch. Brenda, listen. 320 00:14:40,542 --> 00:14:42,083 What are you doing tonight? 321 00:14:42,292 --> 00:14:43,750 Actually, I'm busy. 322 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:47,583 All right. Well, that's a shame. I just, uh... 323 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,042 well, I thought it might be a charitable thing... 324 00:14:49,083 --> 00:14:50,500 to take your skirt out for dinner... 325 00:14:50,542 --> 00:14:51,667 and try and fatten it up a bit. 326 00:14:51,708 --> 00:14:54,375 -Hmm. -Maybe you can come, too. 327 00:14:54,417 --> 00:14:56,542 What about tomorrow? 328 00:14:56,583 --> 00:14:58,625 No. Tomorrow's the launch. 329 00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,417 Ah, yes, of course. 330 00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:02,500 Possibly the worst book ever published. 331 00:15:02,542 --> 00:15:07,292 Well, in the end, that's not the ad line we've gone for. 332 00:15:07,333 --> 00:15:08,875 Next night? 333 00:15:08,917 --> 00:15:10,375 Let's see, shall we? 334 00:15:10,417 --> 00:15:11,542 ["Peter Gunn" playing] 335 00:15:11,583 --> 00:15:12,958 Good night, Daniel. 336 00:15:12,958 --> 00:15:15,458 Right. No pressure, Bridge... 337 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:19,042 but your whole future happiness now depends on how you behave... 338 00:15:19,083 --> 00:15:20,792 on this one social occasion. 339 00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:22,583 Right. What should I do? 340 00:15:22,625 --> 00:15:24,458 First, look gorgeous. 341 00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:36,000 [Tape rips] Ohh! 342 00:15:36,042 --> 00:15:39,042 Ow! Gooh! 343 00:15:39,292 --> 00:15:43,667 Two--then totally ignore Daniel and suck up to famous authors. 344 00:15:43,708 --> 00:15:45,375 Salman. 345 00:15:45,417 --> 00:15:47,333 Salman. Salman. 346 00:15:47,375 --> 00:15:49,625 Circulate. 347 00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:51,750 Oozing intelligence. 348 00:15:51,792 --> 00:15:53,875 Isn't it terrible about Chechnya? 349 00:15:53,917 --> 00:15:56,583 Isn't it terrible about Chechnya? 350 00:15:56,625 --> 00:15:58,000 Chech-nya! 351 00:15:58,042 --> 00:15:59,750 Introduce people with thoughtful details... 352 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,917 such as, "Sheila... 353 00:16:01,958 --> 00:16:04,458 "This is Daniel. Daniel, this is Sheila. 354 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,417 "Sheila enjoys horse-riding and comes from New Zealand. 355 00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:09,542 "Daniel enjoys publishing and comes--" 356 00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:10,750 All over your face? 357 00:16:10,792 --> 00:16:11,917 TOM: Exactly. 358 00:16:11,958 --> 00:16:13,458 Excuse me. 359 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,833 I'm terribly sorry to interrupt you... 360 00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:17,708 when you're having dinner. It's just that-- 361 00:16:17,750 --> 00:16:20,583 Yes. Yes, it was me. 362 00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:22,833 Yes. Nine years ago. 363 00:16:22,875 --> 00:16:24,750 No current plans to record anything else. 364 00:16:24,792 --> 00:16:26,042 Thank you so much. 365 00:16:26,083 --> 00:16:27,875 Oh, it's just that, ahem... 366 00:16:27,917 --> 00:16:31,083 your--your chair is on my wife's coat. 367 00:16:31,292 --> 00:16:32,750 [Laughter] 368 00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:34,542 Your--your chair on the... 369 00:16:34,583 --> 00:16:36,583 Of course it is. Of course it is. 370 00:16:36,667 --> 00:16:38,292 MAN: Thank you so much. Thank you. 371 00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:40,708 BRIDGET: Hmm. Major dilemma. 372 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,500 If actually do, by some terrible chance... 373 00:16:42,542 --> 00:16:44,042 end up inflagrante... 374 00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:47,542 surely these would be most attractive at crucial moment. 375 00:16:47,583 --> 00:16:49,750 However, chances of reaching crucial moment... 376 00:16:49,792 --> 00:16:52,292 greatly increase by wearing these. 377 00:16:52,292 --> 00:16:54,417 Scary stomach-holding-in panties. 378 00:16:54,458 --> 00:16:56,917 Very popular with grannies the world over. 379 00:16:56,958 --> 00:17:00,583 Ha. Tricky. Very tricky. 380 00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:02,625 ["Peter Gunn" continues playing] 381 00:17:16,042 --> 00:17:17,583 BRIDGET: Ladies and gentlemen... 382 00:17:17,625 --> 00:17:20,417 welcome to the launch of "Kafka's Motor bike"... 383 00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:21,833 "The Greatest Book of Our Tiime"... 384 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,667 and here to introduce it is Mr. Tits Pervert. 385 00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:27,667 Ooh, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert. 386 00:17:28,833 --> 00:17:32,750 OK, circulate, oozing intelligence. 387 00:17:32,792 --> 00:17:36,083 Ignore Daniel, and be fabulous with everyone else. 388 00:17:36,292 --> 00:17:40,042 I am the intellectual equal of everyone else here. 389 00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:41,375 Ooh. 390 00:17:41,417 --> 00:17:43,625 It's like a whole theory of short fiction... 391 00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:45,417 and of the novella, you know? 392 00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:46,667 And, of course, the problem... 393 00:17:46,708 --> 00:17:48,458 with Martin's definition of the novella... 394 00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:49,917 is that it really only applies to him. 395 00:17:49,958 --> 00:17:52,792 [Laughter] 396 00:17:52,792 --> 00:17:54,875 MAN: That doesn't sound like Martin. 397 00:17:54,917 --> 00:17:57,083 Not. [Laughter] 398 00:17:57,292 --> 00:17:59,500 RUSHDIE: I could be wrong. What do you think? 399 00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:03,917 Uh...do you know... 400 00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,292 [Inhales] 401 00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:09,792 where the toilets are, huh? 402 00:18:09,833 --> 00:18:13,583 BRIDGET: Stay calm. Can't get any worse. 403 00:18:16,542 --> 00:18:18,708 What are you doing here? 404 00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:21,958 I've been asking myself the same question. 405 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,042 I came with a colleague. 406 00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:25,458 So how are you? 407 00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,417 Well, apart from being very disappointed... 408 00:18:27,458 --> 00:18:30,542 not to see my favorite reindeer jumper again... 409 00:18:30,583 --> 00:18:31,875 I'm well. 410 00:18:31,917 --> 00:18:33,667 Anyone going to introduce me? 411 00:18:33,708 --> 00:18:37,042 BRIDGET: Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. 412 00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:38,750 Perpetua. Ha. 413 00:18:38,792 --> 00:18:40,583 This is Mark Darcy. 414 00:18:40,625 --> 00:18:42,708 Mark's a prematurely middle-aged prick... 415 00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:44,542 with a cruel-raced ex-wife. 416 00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:45,917 Perpetua's a fat-ass old bag... 417 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,875 who spends her time bossing me around. 418 00:18:49,625 --> 00:18:51,417 BRIDGET: Maybe not. 419 00:18:51,458 --> 00:18:52,750 Anyone going to introduce me? 420 00:18:52,792 --> 00:18:55,333 BRIDGET: Ah, Perpetua. 421 00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:57,375 Uh, this is Mark Darcy. 422 00:18:57,417 --> 00:18:59,375 Mark's a top barrister. 423 00:18:59,417 --> 00:19:01,625 Oh, he comes from Garth and Underwood. 424 00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:03,625 Perpetua is one of my work colleagues. 425 00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:06,333 Why, Mark, I know you by reputation, of course. 426 00:19:08,417 --> 00:19:09,917 Ah, Natasha. 427 00:19:09,958 --> 00:19:12,583 MARK: This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. 428 00:19:12,625 --> 00:19:15,875 Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law. 429 00:19:15,917 --> 00:19:17,292 Bridget works in publishing... 430 00:19:17,333 --> 00:19:19,750 and used to play naked in my paddling pool. 431 00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:23,542 -How odd. -Ha ha. 432 00:19:23,583 --> 00:19:25,458 Perpetua, how's the house hunt going? 433 00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:27,042 Disaster. 434 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,375 I oughtn't go into it with you. 435 00:19:29,417 --> 00:19:33,375 By the by, that man is gorgeous. 436 00:19:33,417 --> 00:19:34,792 Ah, yes, Mark. 437 00:19:34,833 --> 00:19:37,083 Just give me time. Give me time. 438 00:19:37,292 --> 00:19:38,542 [Laughs] 439 00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:40,875 DANIEL: "You've written as earing vision--" 440 00:19:40,917 --> 00:19:42,583 Can you remember the rest of this? 441 00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:44,000 RUSHDIE: "Of the wounds our century... 442 00:19:44,042 --> 00:19:46,583 "has inflicted on traditional masculinity. 443 00:19:46,625 --> 00:19:48,583 "Positively Vonnegut-esgue." Obviously. 444 00:19:50,708 --> 00:19:52,708 Listen, you don't know where the loos are here, do you? 445 00:19:52,750 --> 00:19:54,708 Uh, yes. In the hallway. 446 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:55,875 Thanks. 447 00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:00,000 [Microphone not working] 448 00:20:00,042 --> 00:20:01,333 One, two. 449 00:20:01,375 --> 00:20:02,542 [Blows] 450 00:20:02,583 --> 00:20:04,583 [People chattering] 451 00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:06,667 Ladies and gentlemen. 452 00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:08,542 L-- 453 00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:12,792 BRIDGET: L-ladies and... 454 00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:14,625 L-- 455 00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:15,792 Oi! 456 00:20:15,833 --> 00:20:17,292 Oi! 457 00:20:19,292 --> 00:20:20,792 Sorry. The, uh... 458 00:20:20,833 --> 00:20:24,333 mike's not... work--working. Ahem. 459 00:20:24,375 --> 00:20:26,875 Ladies and gentlemen... 460 00:20:26,958 --> 00:20:32,458 welcome to the launch of "Kafka's Motor bike"... 461 00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:35,500 "The Greatest Book of Our Time." 462 00:20:35,542 --> 00:20:37,417 [Mild applause] 463 00:20:39,417 --> 00:20:43,917 Obviously except for your books, Mr. Rushdie... 464 00:20:43,958 --> 00:20:47,542 which are also very good. 465 00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:52,500 And Lord Archer... 466 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:55,667 yours aren't bad, either. 467 00:20:55,708 --> 00:20:57,083 [Clears throat]Anyway... 468 00:20:57,292 --> 00:20:59,542 uh, what I mean is, uh... 469 00:20:59,583 --> 00:21:01,667 welcome, ladies and gentlemen. 470 00:21:01,708 --> 00:21:04,667 Thank you for coming to the launch of... 471 00:21:04,667 --> 00:21:08,625 one of the top thirty books of our time. 472 00:21:08,625 --> 00:21:11,708 Anyway, at least. 473 00:21:11,750 --> 00:21:15,000 And here to introduce it, ha... 474 00:21:15,042 --> 00:21:16,708 properly, ha ha... 475 00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:19,417 is, uh, the man we all call, uh... 476 00:21:19,458 --> 00:21:21,667 BRIDGET'S INNER VOICE: [Whispering] Tits Pervert. 477 00:21:21,708 --> 00:21:22,875 Mr... 478 00:21:22,917 --> 00:21:24,000 INNER VOICE: Tits Pervert! 479 00:21:24,042 --> 00:21:25,792 Mr... 480 00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:28,500 INNER VOICE: Tits Pervert. 481 00:21:28,542 --> 00:21:30,417 Fitzherbert, uh... 482 00:21:30,417 --> 00:21:32,000 because... 483 00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:35,583 that is his name. 484 00:21:35,667 --> 00:21:37,875 Mr. Fitzherbert. 485 00:21:39,042 --> 00:21:40,542 Thank you. 486 00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:45,042 [Mild applause] 487 00:21:45,083 --> 00:21:46,792 FITZHERBERT: Thank you, Brenda. 488 00:21:46,833 --> 00:21:48,625 [Sighs] 489 00:21:48,667 --> 00:21:50,708 Just switch this on. 490 00:21:50,750 --> 00:21:52,083 [Feedback] 491 00:21:52,292 --> 00:21:54,833 [Man laughs, people chattering] 492 00:21:54,875 --> 00:21:56,458 NATASHA: So how autobiographical... 493 00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:57,958 is your work, Salman? 494 00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,375 RUSHDIE: You know, it's an amazing thing... 495 00:21:59,417 --> 00:22:01,333 nobody's ever asked me that question. 496 00:22:01,375 --> 00:22:02,917 Excuse me. 497 00:22:02,958 --> 00:22:05,625 Jones. Sod 'em all. 498 00:22:05,667 --> 00:22:08,000 DANIEL: It was a brilliant... 499 00:22:08,042 --> 00:22:13,417 post-modernist masterpiece of oratorical fireworks, really. 500 00:22:13,417 --> 00:22:14,583 Uhh. 501 00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:16,375 You're looking very sexy, Jones. 502 00:22:16,417 --> 00:22:18,417 I think I'm gonna have to take you out to dinner now... 503 00:22:18,417 --> 00:22:20,583 whether you like it or not, OK? 504 00:22:20,625 --> 00:22:21,792 Come on, get your stuff. 505 00:22:27,583 --> 00:22:29,083 [Sighs] 506 00:22:29,458 --> 00:22:31,667 So how do you feel about this whole situation... 507 00:22:31,708 --> 00:22:33,542 in Chechnya? Isn't it a nightmare? 508 00:22:33,583 --> 00:22:34,958 I couldn't give a fuck, Jones. 509 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,875 Now, look, how do you know Arsey Darcy? 510 00:22:38,917 --> 00:22:41,833 Apparently, I used to run 'round naked... 511 00:22:41,875 --> 00:22:43,333 in his paddling pool. 512 00:22:43,375 --> 00:22:45,583 I bet you did, you dirty bitch. 513 00:22:45,625 --> 00:22:47,708 What about you? 514 00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:49,375 Same. Yeah. 515 00:22:50,792 --> 00:22:54,042 No, no, I was best man at his wedding. 516 00:22:54,083 --> 00:22:55,792 Um, knew him from Cambridge. 517 00:22:55,833 --> 00:22:57,042 He was a mate. 518 00:22:57,083 --> 00:22:59,083 And then what? 519 00:22:59,292 --> 00:23:02,500 And then, uh...nothing. 520 00:23:02,542 --> 00:23:05,042 You don't need to protect him. He's no friend of mine. 521 00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:07,625 Well, um, then... 522 00:23:07,667 --> 00:23:09,833 many years later... 523 00:23:09,875 --> 00:23:13,375 I made the somewhat catastrophic mistake... 524 00:23:13,417 --> 00:23:17,792 of introducing him to my fiancee. 525 00:23:21,083 --> 00:23:22,708 And, um... 526 00:23:25,417 --> 00:23:29,333 I couldn't say, in all honesty, I've ever quite forgiven him. 527 00:23:29,375 --> 00:23:31,750 God, so... 528 00:23:31,792 --> 00:23:34,792 he's a nasty bastard. 529 00:23:34,833 --> 00:23:36,583 And a dull bastard. 530 00:23:36,625 --> 00:23:38,833 Yes. Yes, I think that's fair. 531 00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:41,792 Anyway, fuck him. Listen, don't let him ruin our evening. 532 00:23:41,792 --> 00:23:43,542 Why don't you have some more wine... 533 00:23:43,583 --> 00:23:45,458 and tell me more about practicing French-kissing... 534 00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:46,625 with the other girls at school... 535 00:23:46,667 --> 00:23:47,750 because that's a very good story. 536 00:23:47,792 --> 00:23:50,500 -It wasn't French-kissing. -Don't care. Make it up. 537 00:23:50,542 --> 00:23:52,458 That's an order, Jones. 538 00:23:52,458 --> 00:23:55,083 DANIEL: So, um, how about a drink at my place? 539 00:23:55,292 --> 00:23:57,583 Totally innocent, no funny business... 540 00:23:57,625 --> 00:23:59,583 just full sex. 541 00:24:00,667 --> 00:24:02,333 No, no, no. 542 00:24:02,375 --> 00:24:04,458 I should get a taxi. 543 00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:07,667 But thank you for the lovely dinner. 544 00:24:09,792 --> 00:24:12,875 It's a pleasure, Jones. 545 00:24:17,042 --> 00:24:19,917 ROSEY SINGING: Oh, love 546 00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:21,958 Love, love 547 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,958 Oh 548 00:24:26,625 --> 00:24:29,375 Ooh 549 00:24:29,417 --> 00:24:31,375 You're alone 550 00:24:31,417 --> 00:24:33,458 All the time 551 00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:36,750 Does it ever puzzle you 552 00:24:36,792 --> 00:24:40,500 Have you asked why you seem 553 00:24:40,542 --> 00:24:42,875 To falling love 554 00:24:42,917 --> 00:24:45,042 And out again 555 00:24:45,083 --> 00:24:48,875 Do you really ever love 556 00:24:48,917 --> 00:24:50,542 Or just pretend 557 00:24:50,583 --> 00:24:52,083 Oh, baby 558 00:24:52,083 --> 00:24:55,083 Why fool yourself? 559 00:24:55,083 --> 00:24:58,750 Don't be afraid to help yourself 560 00:24:58,792 --> 00:25:01,750 DANIEL: Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. 561 00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:05,375 And this is a very silly little dress. 562 00:25:05,417 --> 00:25:07,042 And, um... 563 00:25:07,083 --> 00:25:09,625 these are, uh... 564 00:25:09,625 --> 00:25:12,458 fuck me, absolutely enormous panties. 565 00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:14,083 Jesus. Fuck. 566 00:25:14,292 --> 00:25:16,292 No, no, don't apologize. I like them. 567 00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:18,875 Hello, Mummy. 568 00:25:18,917 --> 00:25:22,083 ROSEY SINGING: Love 569 00:25:22,292 --> 00:25:23,625 I'm sorry, I have to have another look. 570 00:25:23,667 --> 00:25:25,458 -They're too good to be true. -No. 571 00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:26,625 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. 572 00:25:26,625 --> 00:25:28,000 I'm wearing something quite similar myself. 573 00:25:28,042 --> 00:25:31,625 -Here, I'll show you. -No. No. 574 00:25:31,667 --> 00:25:33,083 ROSEY SINGING: This time decide 575 00:25:33,292 --> 00:25:36,750 That you will open up 576 00:25:36,792 --> 00:25:39,292 Let it in 577 00:25:39,292 --> 00:25:42,083 There's no shame in sharin' love 578 00:25:42,292 --> 00:25:45,875 You feel within 579 00:25:45,917 --> 00:25:48,583 So jump right in 580 00:25:48,625 --> 00:25:51,375 Head over heels 581 00:25:51,417 --> 00:25:53,417 And fall right in 582 00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:54,708 Ha. Huh. 583 00:25:54,750 --> 00:25:56,000 That was fantastic. 584 00:25:56,042 --> 00:25:58,042 Ohh. Mmm. 585 00:25:58,083 --> 00:25:59,625 Ay, ay. 586 00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:01,417 BRIDGET: Ohh. Daniel. 587 00:26:01,458 --> 00:26:02,583 Yeah? 588 00:26:02,625 --> 00:26:05,083 What happens at the office? 589 00:26:05,333 --> 00:26:07,083 Oh. Well, I'm glad you asked that. 590 00:26:07,292 --> 00:26:09,917 You see, it's a publishing house. 591 00:26:09,958 --> 00:26:11,958 So that means that people write things for us... 592 00:26:11,958 --> 00:26:13,583 and then we print out all the pages... 593 00:26:13,667 --> 00:26:14,875 and fasten them together... 594 00:26:14,917 --> 00:26:16,792 and make them into what we call a book, Jones. 595 00:26:16,833 --> 00:26:21,333 No, do you think people will notice? 596 00:26:21,375 --> 00:26:22,542 Notice what? 597 00:26:22,583 --> 00:26:25,708 Us. Working together, sleeping together. 598 00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:26,917 Hang on a minute, Jones. 599 00:26:26,958 --> 00:26:30,292 Just slow down. It started on Tuesday... 600 00:26:30,333 --> 00:26:31,875 and now it's Thursday. 601 00:26:31,917 --> 00:26:33,917 It's not exactly... 602 00:26:33,958 --> 00:26:36,750 um, a long-term relationship, is it? 603 00:26:36,792 --> 00:26:40,375 You're very bad. 604 00:26:40,417 --> 00:26:41,708 [Telephone rings] 605 00:26:43,583 --> 00:26:45,708 [Ring ring] 606 00:26:45,750 --> 00:26:46,875 Ohh. 607 00:26:46,917 --> 00:26:48,000 [Ring ring] 608 00:26:48,042 --> 00:26:50,583 Mmm. 609 00:26:50,625 --> 00:26:52,583 Bridget Jones, want on sex goddess... 610 00:26:52,625 --> 00:26:56,458 with a very bad man between her thighs. 611 00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:58,708 Mum. Hi. 612 00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:00,875 BRIDGET: It's the truth universally acknowledged... 613 00:27:00,917 --> 00:27:04,542 that the moment one area of your life starts going OK... 614 00:27:04,583 --> 00:27:08,667 another part of it falls spectacularly to pieces. 615 00:27:08,708 --> 00:27:10,833 PAMELA: Ah, anyone else want to have it off? 616 00:27:10,875 --> 00:27:12,708 Ha ha. Don't be shy, madame. 617 00:27:12,750 --> 00:27:19,667 French. Have it oeuf. Ha ha! With the wise crack egg peeler. 618 00:27:19,708 --> 00:27:22,583 Now, nice firm grip. 619 00:27:23,917 --> 00:27:26,750 Put it in the hole. And... 620 00:27:26,750 --> 00:27:29,292 up, down, up, down. 621 00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:31,333 And off it comes in your hand. 622 00:27:32,625 --> 00:27:37,083 Oh! Mind the over-spray. Sorry. 623 00:27:38,750 --> 00:27:40,667 Darling, if I came in with my knickers on my head... 624 00:27:40,708 --> 00:27:42,083 he wouldn't notice. 625 00:27:42,292 --> 00:27:44,625 I spent thirty-five years cleaning his house... 626 00:27:44,667 --> 00:27:46,875 washing his clothes, bringing up his children. 627 00:27:46,917 --> 00:27:49,083 I'm your child, too. 628 00:27:49,292 --> 00:27:50,583 To be honest, darling, having children... 629 00:27:50,625 --> 00:27:52,417 isn't all it's cracked up to be. 630 00:27:52,458 --> 00:27:54,917 Given my chance again, I'm not sure I'd have any. 631 00:27:54,958 --> 00:27:57,333 MUM: And now it's the winter of my life... 632 00:27:57,375 --> 00:27:59,625 and I haven't actually got anything of my own. 633 00:27:59,667 --> 00:28:03,375 I've got no power, no real career... 634 00:28:03,417 --> 00:28:05,667 no--no sex life. 635 00:28:05,708 --> 00:28:07,500 I've got no life at all. 636 00:28:07,542 --> 00:28:09,542 I'm like the grasshopper who sang all summer. 637 00:28:09,625 --> 00:28:11,333 I'm like Germaine sodding Geer. 638 00:28:11,375 --> 00:28:12,792 Greer. 639 00:28:12,833 --> 00:28:16,458 Well, anyway, I'm not having it. And I've been talent spotted. 640 00:28:16,500 --> 00:28:19,292 Julian thinks I've got great potential. 641 00:28:19,333 --> 00:28:20,583 Who's Julian? 642 00:28:20,625 --> 00:28:22,542 From the Home Shopping Channel. 643 00:28:22,583 --> 00:28:24,583 Comes into the store to have his colors done. 644 00:28:24,667 --> 00:28:26,375 Potential for what? 645 00:28:26,417 --> 00:28:28,833 As a demonstrator on his cable show. 646 00:28:28,875 --> 00:28:30,542 You know, his assistant. 647 00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:32,875 Apparently, it's the highest- rated show on the channel. 648 00:28:32,917 --> 00:28:34,292 Well, apart from the one... 649 00:28:34,333 --> 00:28:36,458 where the fat people beat up their relatives. 650 00:28:36,458 --> 00:28:38,000 Ooh! I must wiz. 651 00:28:38,042 --> 00:28:41,375 -Have you heard from Mark Darcy? -Goodbye, Mum. 652 00:28:43,917 --> 00:28:45,500 THE DRAMATICS SINGING: Mrs. 653 00:28:45,542 --> 00:28:48,875 Mrs. Jones 654 00:28:50,042 --> 00:28:51,583 MUM: Julian. 655 00:28:54,833 --> 00:28:57,417 Sorry to keep you waiting. 656 00:28:57,458 --> 00:29:02,917 THE DRAMATICS SINGING: Goin' on and on and on and on 657 00:29:02,917 --> 00:29:07,333 BRIDGET: And a few weeks later, it got lots worse. 658 00:29:07,375 --> 00:29:08,917 Hello! 659 00:29:08,958 --> 00:29:10,417 Look at this. 660 00:29:10,417 --> 00:29:12,708 JULIAN: Paying off this heart-shaped pendant. 661 00:29:12,750 --> 00:29:15,708 One of my own personal recommendations... 662 00:29:15,750 --> 00:29:18,583 is this absolutely stunning... 663 00:29:18,625 --> 00:29:21,042 matching necklace and earring set. 664 00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:26,708 JULIAN: The earrings measuring just over a centimeter... 665 00:29:26,792 --> 00:29:30,917 in genuine diamond with two pairs in lapis lazuli... 666 00:29:30,958 --> 00:29:33,917 in a lovely mock-gold finish. 667 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,917 JULIAN: The exact replica of those worn at Wimbledon... 668 00:29:36,958 --> 00:29:41,083 in 1993 by Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Kent. 669 00:29:41,292 --> 00:29:43,083 [Turns off sound] 670 00:29:43,292 --> 00:29:45,583 Well. 671 00:29:45,625 --> 00:29:47,708 Has she actually moved out then? 672 00:29:47,792 --> 00:29:51,625 Apparently, she and this tangerine-tinted buffoon... 673 00:29:51,667 --> 00:29:52,875 are suddenly an item. 674 00:29:52,917 --> 00:29:55,917 Half our friends have had them around to bloody dinner. 675 00:29:55,958 --> 00:29:58,542 DAD: She's even taking Jaundice Julian... 676 00:29:58,583 --> 00:30:00,375 to Una Alconbury's Tarts and Vicars party. 677 00:30:00,417 --> 00:30:02,875 That's not the Pamela I knew. That's cruel. 678 00:30:02,917 --> 00:30:07,667 BRIDGET: Well, still, could be a golden opportunity. 679 00:30:07,708 --> 00:30:11,792 If you spent the entire party flirting with other women... 680 00:30:11,833 --> 00:30:13,792 it would drive Mum wild with jealousy. 681 00:30:13,833 --> 00:30:14,958 DAD: What? 682 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,792 BRIDGET: That's how I got my man. 683 00:30:16,833 --> 00:30:20,292 Have you got a boyfriend? A real one? 684 00:30:20,333 --> 00:30:23,750 I have, Father. I have. 685 00:30:23,833 --> 00:30:26,750 And he's perfect. 686 00:30:27,750 --> 00:30:29,750 [Car horn honking] 687 00:30:42,417 --> 00:30:45,083 [Revs engine] 688 00:30:45,292 --> 00:30:49,417 BRIDGET: Hurrah. Am no longer tragic spinster... 689 00:30:49,458 --> 00:30:52,917 but proper girlfriend of bonafide a sex god... 690 00:30:52,958 --> 00:30:55,042 so committed that he's taking me... 691 00:30:55,083 --> 00:30:58,833 on a full-blown mini-break holiday weekend. 692 00:30:58,875 --> 00:31:00,333 DANIEL: Just promise me we don't have to sit... 693 00:31:00,375 --> 00:31:02,917 in any little boats and read poncey poetry to each other. 694 00:31:02,958 --> 00:31:05,292 BRIDGET: He's also protecting me at Uncle Geoffrey's... 695 00:31:05,333 --> 00:31:07,667 hideous Tarts and Vicars fancy dress party. 696 00:31:07,708 --> 00:31:09,625 This can't be just shagging. 697 00:31:09,625 --> 00:31:11,833 A mini-break means true love. 698 00:31:13,708 --> 00:31:16,333 Suddenly feel like screen goddess... 699 00:31:16,375 --> 00:31:19,375 in manner of Grace Kelly. 700 00:31:20,917 --> 00:31:24,917 Though perhaps ever so slightly less elegant under pressure. 701 00:31:29,083 --> 00:31:32,708 It's very quiet here, isn't it? Are we the only guests, or... 702 00:31:32,750 --> 00:31:34,667 We have a wedding this weekend. 703 00:31:34,708 --> 00:31:37,375 I believe there are just four of you not involved. 704 00:31:37,417 --> 00:31:39,542 Oh. Hmm. 705 00:31:39,583 --> 00:31:42,375 NATASHA: You do the boats, I'll do the tea. 706 00:31:43,583 --> 00:31:44,792 Oh, Jesus. 707 00:31:44,833 --> 00:31:47,500 -Hello there. -Hi. 708 00:31:47,542 --> 00:31:49,583 MARK: Well, well. 709 00:31:49,625 --> 00:31:52,667 I take it you're also heading for the Alconbury's rockery. 710 00:31:52,708 --> 00:31:54,083 Yes, that's right. 711 00:31:54,292 --> 00:31:57,625 I brought Natasha. Get a bit of work done. 712 00:31:57,667 --> 00:32:00,667 Thought I might make it a not entirely wasted weekend. 713 00:32:00,708 --> 00:32:02,542 How interesting. 714 00:32:02,583 --> 00:32:04,000 What a gripping life you do lead. 715 00:32:04,042 --> 00:32:07,042 DANIEL: I'll see you upstairs in a second. 716 00:32:21,708 --> 00:32:23,542 Hmm. Well, the weakness of their case... 717 00:32:23,583 --> 00:32:26,417 Lies in the deposition they made on August 30. 718 00:32:26,417 --> 00:32:27,875 BRIDGET: Season of mist... 719 00:32:27,917 --> 00:32:29,750 and... 720 00:32:29,792 --> 00:32:31,583 mellow fruitlessness. 721 00:32:31,625 --> 00:32:33,458 Oh, fuck me, I love Keats. 722 00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:34,917 Have you heard this one? 723 00:32:34,958 --> 00:32:37,042 "There was a young woman from Ealing... 724 00:32:37,083 --> 00:32:39,958 "who had a peculiar feeling. 725 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,792 "She lay on her back and opened her crack... 726 00:32:42,833 --> 00:32:44,542 "and pissed all over the ceiling." 727 00:32:44,583 --> 00:32:45,708 [Bang] Oh, bollocks. 728 00:32:45,750 --> 00:32:47,750 BRIDGET: What've you done? 729 00:32:47,792 --> 00:32:50,667 -I'm boarding you, Bridge. -Don't you dare! 730 00:32:50,708 --> 00:32:53,542 -I'm king of the world! -No! 731 00:32:53,583 --> 00:32:55,792 Fuck me. Uhh! 732 00:32:55,833 --> 00:32:57,417 BRIDGET: Aah! 733 00:32:57,458 --> 00:33:00,292 [Bridget laughs] 734 00:33:00,333 --> 00:33:02,000 DANIEL: Oh, piss and bollocks. 735 00:33:02,042 --> 00:33:03,792 You stupid ass. 736 00:33:03,833 --> 00:33:06,333 [Laughing] 737 00:33:06,375 --> 00:33:08,042 Bollocks. 738 00:33:08,083 --> 00:33:09,625 All right. 739 00:33:09,667 --> 00:33:11,625 Aah! No! 740 00:33:11,625 --> 00:33:13,083 So childish. 741 00:33:13,292 --> 00:33:15,333 BRIDGET: Aah! No! 742 00:33:15,375 --> 00:33:16,792 Yes. 743 00:33:16,833 --> 00:33:19,000 DANIEL: Hey, Darce, come on in! 744 00:33:19,042 --> 00:33:20,875 The water's lovely! 745 00:33:20,917 --> 00:33:22,542 Come on, you're working too hard, mate. 746 00:33:22,583 --> 00:33:23,750 Ha ha! 747 00:33:25,333 --> 00:33:28,292 -Daniel. -Yes, Bridget? 748 00:33:28,292 --> 00:33:29,833 That thing you just did is actually illegal... 749 00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:31,042 in several countries. 750 00:33:31,083 --> 00:33:32,917 Well, that is, of course, the major reason... 751 00:33:32,958 --> 00:33:35,083 I'm so thrilled to be living in Britain today. 752 00:33:35,292 --> 00:33:37,500 Yes. I can't understand... 753 00:33:37,542 --> 00:33:39,542 why the Prime Minister doesn't mention it more... 754 00:33:39,625 --> 00:33:40,875 in his speeches. 755 00:33:40,917 --> 00:33:42,833 You should write to him about it. 756 00:33:42,875 --> 00:33:44,083 BRIDGET: I intend to. 757 00:33:47,458 --> 00:33:49,583 Daniel. 758 00:33:49,625 --> 00:33:50,708 DANIEL: Bridget. 759 00:33:50,750 --> 00:33:53,875 -Do you love me? -Shut up, or I'll do it again. 760 00:33:56,042 --> 00:33:57,583 Do you love me? 761 00:33:57,625 --> 00:33:59,292 Right. You asked for it. 762 00:33:59,333 --> 00:34:02,583 DANIEL: And over we go. 763 00:34:02,625 --> 00:34:04,000 I'm going to give you something to bite on. 764 00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:05,667 Here. 765 00:34:05,708 --> 00:34:08,083 OK? Pop this in your mouth, darling. 766 00:34:08,292 --> 00:34:10,417 [Bridget laughs] 767 00:34:10,458 --> 00:34:11,583 You're begging for it. 768 00:34:11,625 --> 00:34:12,833 [Bridget laughs] 769 00:34:12,875 --> 00:34:14,542 BRIDGET: Stop it. 770 00:34:14,583 --> 00:34:16,583 [Laughs] 771 00:34:17,583 --> 00:34:19,042 No, no. 772 00:34:26,792 --> 00:34:27,917 Hmm. 773 00:34:27,958 --> 00:34:33,417 I got to go back to town. A meeting's come up. 774 00:34:33,417 --> 00:34:34,875 On a Sunday? 775 00:34:34,917 --> 00:34:36,375 DANIEL: No. The meeting's first thing tomorrow. 776 00:34:36,417 --> 00:34:38,375 I've got to work on some figures. 777 00:34:38,417 --> 00:34:43,292 We could just pop into the party for a minute. 778 00:34:43,333 --> 00:34:44,875 DANIEL: Bridget, I'm really sorry. 779 00:34:44,917 --> 00:34:48,458 I just can't do it. I've got to head back. 780 00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:49,958 Listen, Daniel... 781 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,417 if you've changed your mind, you could just say so... 782 00:34:53,458 --> 00:34:55,792 because, honestly, I don't see what could be so important. 783 00:34:55,833 --> 00:34:58,083 No, well, you wouldn't, would you? 784 00:34:58,292 --> 00:34:59,958 Because you don't have the faintest bloody idea... 785 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,292 of just how much trouble the company's in. 786 00:35:03,333 --> 00:35:04,750 You swan in in your short skirt... 787 00:35:04,792 --> 00:35:06,708 and your sexy see-through blouse... 788 00:35:06,750 --> 00:35:08,417 and fanny around with press releases. 789 00:35:08,458 --> 00:35:09,875 You know, this is the Americans flying in... 790 00:35:09,917 --> 00:35:11,583 because they're thinking of shutting us down... 791 00:35:11,625 --> 00:35:12,958 for fuck's sake. 792 00:35:15,917 --> 00:35:17,583 Sorry. 793 00:35:19,583 --> 00:35:21,417 I'm sorry, Bridge. I know I'm being a prat. 794 00:35:29,333 --> 00:35:31,333 Look, I'm going to arrange a lovely car... 795 00:35:31,375 --> 00:35:33,042 to come and pick you up and take you back... 796 00:35:33,083 --> 00:35:34,667 to London after the party, OK? 797 00:35:34,708 --> 00:35:36,792 If you have to travel alone, travel in style. 798 00:35:36,833 --> 00:35:38,875 Hmm. 799 00:35:38,917 --> 00:35:40,875 And, um... 800 00:35:40,917 --> 00:35:42,792 I also think it's very important... 801 00:35:42,833 --> 00:35:46,042 that you win this costume competition. 802 00:35:47,667 --> 00:35:48,875 Good. 803 00:35:48,917 --> 00:35:50,500 Good start. 804 00:35:52,417 --> 00:35:55,000 Now, then, Miss Jones, where does this go? 805 00:35:58,333 --> 00:36:01,292 BRIDGET: Oh, well, here we go. 806 00:36:01,333 --> 00:36:02,833 Trying hard to fight off a vision... 807 00:36:02,875 --> 00:36:06,042 of Mum and Auntie Una in fishnet tights. 808 00:36:06,083 --> 00:36:09,625 Seems unnatural, wrong even, for 60-year-olds to dress up... 809 00:36:09,667 --> 00:36:12,500 as prostitutes and priests on a Sunday afternoon. 810 00:36:12,542 --> 00:36:14,583 [People chattering] 811 00:36:14,625 --> 00:36:15,958 [Laughter] 812 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,667 JULIE LONDON SINGING: Fly me to the moon 813 00:36:17,708 --> 00:36:19,708 BRIDGET: Oh, holy Jesus. 814 00:36:21,083 --> 00:36:22,750 Bridget. 815 00:36:22,792 --> 00:36:25,042 Where are all the other Tarts and Vicars? 816 00:36:25,083 --> 00:36:26,583 UNA: Oh, dear. Didn't Geoffrey call you? 817 00:36:26,583 --> 00:36:28,583 Didn't you telephone Colin and Bridget? 818 00:36:28,625 --> 00:36:30,500 How's my little Bridget? 819 00:36:30,542 --> 00:36:31,667 GEOFFREY: Bop, bop. 820 00:36:31,708 --> 00:36:33,083 Oh. 821 00:36:33,083 --> 00:36:34,375 Geoffrey. 822 00:36:34,417 --> 00:36:36,417 So, where's this chap of yours, then, eh? 823 00:36:36,458 --> 00:36:38,042 Ah, yes, well, he had to work, so... 824 00:36:38,083 --> 00:36:40,042 Ha! A likely tale. 825 00:36:40,292 --> 00:36:41,875 Off they run. Whee! 826 00:36:41,917 --> 00:36:43,708 [Laughs weakly] 827 00:36:43,750 --> 00:36:45,500 JULIE LONDON SINGING: You are all I long for 828 00:36:45,542 --> 00:36:48,750 Bizarre what some men find attractive. 829 00:36:48,792 --> 00:36:50,875 Oh, God. 830 00:36:50,917 --> 00:36:53,417 MUM: Darling! Geoffrey! 831 00:36:53,458 --> 00:36:55,042 What on earth are you wearing? 832 00:36:55,083 --> 00:36:57,042 You look like a common prostitute. 833 00:36:57,083 --> 00:36:58,875 Yes, well, that was, actually, the point. 834 00:36:58,917 --> 00:37:00,083 Say hi to Julian. 835 00:37:00,292 --> 00:37:02,333 Hello, Julian. 836 00:37:02,375 --> 00:37:03,542 My dear... 837 00:37:03,583 --> 00:37:05,667 you and your mother could be sisters. 838 00:37:07,458 --> 00:37:09,042 JULIAN: And what a lovely bracelet. 839 00:37:09,083 --> 00:37:10,792 It's what I call an all-arounder-- 840 00:37:10,833 --> 00:37:13,792 the sort of thing one can wear with anything to any occasion. 841 00:37:13,833 --> 00:37:15,542 Oh. 842 00:37:15,583 --> 00:37:17,417 Have you spoken to my dad? 843 00:37:17,458 --> 00:37:20,042 Yes. He's behaving most bizarrely. 844 00:37:20,083 --> 00:37:21,625 I think he was actually trying to flirt... 845 00:37:21,667 --> 00:37:24,042 with Penny Husbands-Bosworth, poor thing. 846 00:37:24,083 --> 00:37:25,542 She was very frightened. 847 00:37:25,583 --> 00:37:27,417 She's only just had her ovaries done. 848 00:37:32,500 --> 00:37:33,875 I don't know what you ever saw in him. 849 00:37:33,917 --> 00:37:36,000 Shh. Bad man. [Both laugh] 850 00:37:41,292 --> 00:37:42,500 [Breathes deeply] 851 00:37:42,542 --> 00:37:43,667 [Footsteps] 852 00:37:43,708 --> 00:37:45,500 Heh heh. 853 00:37:45,542 --> 00:37:47,542 Didn't tell you, either. 854 00:37:47,583 --> 00:37:50,417 [Laughs] 855 00:37:50,458 --> 00:37:52,708 No. I didn't spend as much as Bernard, thank God. 856 00:37:57,625 --> 00:37:58,750 BRIDGET: Oh. 857 00:37:59,958 --> 00:38:01,417 I'm sorry, Dad. 858 00:38:01,417 --> 00:38:03,542 The way she looked at me. 859 00:38:04,625 --> 00:38:06,583 Well, she loves you, really. 860 00:38:06,583 --> 00:38:08,750 You love each other. 861 00:38:08,792 --> 00:38:10,083 This is only a temporary glitch. 862 00:38:10,292 --> 00:38:11,958 Is it? 863 00:38:11,958 --> 00:38:14,292 I don't know. 864 00:38:14,333 --> 00:38:16,333 DAD: I don't know. 865 00:38:19,625 --> 00:38:21,583 UNA: Ah, Bridget, there you are. 866 00:38:21,625 --> 00:38:22,875 Don't worry. You're not the only one. 867 00:38:22,917 --> 00:38:25,542 This is Penny. Geoffrey didn't get in touch with her, either. 868 00:38:25,583 --> 00:38:26,750 I'm sorry? 869 00:38:26,792 --> 00:38:28,625 I was just saying Geoffrey didn't contact you, either... 870 00:38:28,667 --> 00:38:30,042 to tell you that the Tarts and Vicars concept... 871 00:38:30,292 --> 00:38:31,542 had gone out of the window. 872 00:38:31,583 --> 00:38:33,458 Oh, yes, he did. 873 00:38:33,500 --> 00:38:34,708 Oh, right. 874 00:38:34,750 --> 00:38:36,417 Lovely dress. 875 00:38:36,458 --> 00:38:38,000 Very exotic. 876 00:38:41,583 --> 00:38:43,417 What a shame you couldn't bring your boyfriend, Bridget. 877 00:38:43,458 --> 00:38:44,792 What's his name? David? Darren? 878 00:38:44,833 --> 00:38:46,333 MARK: Daniel Cleaver. 879 00:38:46,375 --> 00:38:48,083 Oh. Is he a friend of yours, Mark? 880 00:38:48,292 --> 00:38:49,542 Absolutely not. 881 00:38:49,583 --> 00:38:51,917 I hope he's good enough for our little Bridget. 882 00:38:51,958 --> 00:38:55,000 I think I can say with total confidence absolutely not. 883 00:38:55,042 --> 00:38:56,917 Well, I'm sure he'd say the same about you... 884 00:38:56,958 --> 00:38:58,667 given your past behavior. 885 00:38:58,708 --> 00:39:00,042 Sorry? 886 00:39:00,083 --> 00:39:01,708 I think you know what I mean. 887 00:39:01,750 --> 00:39:02,875 Mark. 888 00:39:17,625 --> 00:39:18,917 BRIDGET: Hmm. Looks like Auntie Shirley... 889 00:39:18,958 --> 00:39:21,750 didn't get the message, either. 890 00:39:24,375 --> 00:39:26,333 [Doorbell rings] 891 00:39:29,917 --> 00:39:31,083 Hi. 892 00:39:31,292 --> 00:39:35,542 I really, really wanted to see a friendly face. 893 00:39:35,583 --> 00:39:37,333 Oh, now, listen, I'll tell you what. 894 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:40,292 I have an idea. Let me finish this... 895 00:39:40,292 --> 00:39:41,833 while you go home, have a long hot bath... 896 00:39:41,875 --> 00:39:45,458 and I'll call round, and we'll have dinner later, OK? 897 00:39:45,500 --> 00:39:46,667 [Door closes] 898 00:39:48,375 --> 00:39:50,042 Is there someone here? 899 00:39:50,083 --> 00:39:52,375 Not that I'm aware of. 900 00:39:52,417 --> 00:39:54,333 Unless that Bosnian family has moved in again. 901 00:39:54,375 --> 00:39:55,542 Bastards. 902 00:40:07,667 --> 00:40:09,667 [Laughs] Oh. 903 00:40:09,708 --> 00:40:11,500 I'm sorry. 904 00:40:11,542 --> 00:40:12,792 Sorry. 905 00:40:15,417 --> 00:40:16,750 I'm going mad. 906 00:40:16,792 --> 00:40:19,000 Listen, I am feeling really bad, actually. 907 00:40:19,042 --> 00:40:21,000 -I should've been there today. -No, I'm sorry. 908 00:40:21,042 --> 00:40:22,375 No, no, I'm sorry... 909 00:40:22,417 --> 00:40:24,417 but at least I got a hell of a lot of work done. 910 00:40:24,417 --> 00:40:26,417 Just give me one more hour, OK? 911 00:40:26,417 --> 00:40:28,042 Fine. That's fine. 912 00:40:28,083 --> 00:40:30,583 I will go home and de-bunny. 913 00:40:31,958 --> 00:40:33,458 Oh... 914 00:40:33,500 --> 00:40:37,750 and you know last night when I said that I loved you? 915 00:40:37,792 --> 00:40:39,000 Mm-hmm. 916 00:40:39,042 --> 00:40:40,583 I didn't mean it. 917 00:40:40,625 --> 00:40:41,625 I was being ironic. 918 00:40:41,667 --> 00:40:45,500 Oh, God, yeah, I know, I know. 919 00:40:45,542 --> 00:40:46,917 All right. 920 00:40:49,500 --> 00:40:51,500 -Thank you, madam. -Mmm. 921 00:41:00,583 --> 00:41:02,625 [Drops bag] 922 00:41:02,667 --> 00:41:05,708 Bridge. 923 00:41:05,750 --> 00:41:07,042 Bridget. 924 00:41:23,500 --> 00:41:27,500 This is Lara from the New York office. 925 00:41:27,542 --> 00:41:29,625 Lara, this is Bridget. 926 00:41:29,667 --> 00:41:31,458 Hey, there. 927 00:41:34,375 --> 00:41:37,333 LARA: I thought you said she was thin. 928 00:42:27,583 --> 00:42:29,625 ALEX: I was hoping that you would want to be a part of it. 929 00:42:29,667 --> 00:42:32,417 [Bridget sniffles] 930 00:42:32,458 --> 00:42:34,083 DAN: This is totally insane. 931 00:42:34,292 --> 00:42:37,083 I'm 36 years old. It may be my last chance to have a child. 932 00:42:37,292 --> 00:42:38,458 Alex. 933 00:42:41,625 --> 00:42:43,958 Aah! 934 00:42:54,833 --> 00:42:59,375 NARRATOR: The male penetrates the female and leaves. 935 00:42:59,458 --> 00:43:02,417 Coitus is brief and perfunctory... 936 00:43:02,458 --> 00:43:03,667 and the female... 937 00:43:03,708 --> 00:43:05,583 [Continues indistinctly] 938 00:43:07,083 --> 00:43:09,042 That's wonderful. 939 00:43:09,292 --> 00:43:10,792 DANIEL: Well, I don't think it's bad. 940 00:43:15,708 --> 00:43:16,875 DANIEL: Right. 941 00:43:32,417 --> 00:43:34,792 BRIDGET: We've had very good response... 942 00:43:34,833 --> 00:43:36,958 to the Teddy Knows Best teaser campaign 943 00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,625 and had various local radio bits for-- 944 00:43:39,667 --> 00:43:41,042 Look, Bridge, stop that. 945 00:43:41,292 --> 00:43:44,583 DANIEL: I feel...terrible. 946 00:43:44,625 --> 00:43:46,583 The thing is... 947 00:43:46,625 --> 00:43:48,625 with Lara and me... 948 00:43:48,667 --> 00:43:51,000 well, you know... 949 00:43:51,042 --> 00:43:52,500 No. You'll have to fill me in. 950 00:43:52,583 --> 00:43:54,458 Well, the truth is... 951 00:43:54,500 --> 00:43:57,000 the truth is, we're the same, Bridge, you and me. 952 00:43:57,042 --> 00:43:59,000 You know? We're two people of a certain age... 953 00:43:59,083 --> 00:44:02,708 looking for the moment to commit and finding it really hard. 954 00:44:02,750 --> 00:44:04,000 And I just think that in the end... 955 00:44:04,042 --> 00:44:07,333 it's got to be something extraordinary... 956 00:44:07,375 --> 00:44:09,875 something which makes us go that extra mile. 957 00:44:09,917 --> 00:44:11,083 And I think... 958 00:44:11,292 --> 00:44:13,417 Lara and-- 959 00:44:13,500 --> 00:44:15,708 I don't know, being American and all... 960 00:44:15,750 --> 00:44:20,750 it has something to do with confidence and being so... 961 00:44:20,792 --> 00:44:24,333 well, young, you know? 962 00:44:28,417 --> 00:44:31,667 Well, we've...become very close. 963 00:44:31,708 --> 00:44:35,292 Well, you've only just met her. She flew in yesterday. 964 00:44:35,333 --> 00:44:36,708 Uh... 965 00:44:38,958 --> 00:44:40,292 Oh. 966 00:44:41,625 --> 00:44:43,542 Silly Bridget. 967 00:44:43,583 --> 00:44:45,667 You haven't only just met her. 968 00:44:45,708 --> 00:44:47,042 DANIEL: No. 969 00:44:47,083 --> 00:44:49,375 No. I got to know her pretty well... 970 00:44:49,417 --> 00:44:51,625 when we were in the New York office together. 971 00:44:53,083 --> 00:44:54,500 Oh. 972 00:44:54,542 --> 00:44:56,500 Oh, fuck. 973 00:44:56,542 --> 00:45:00,875 There's no easy way to say this, but, um... 974 00:45:00,917 --> 00:45:05,833 I wanted you to be the first to know that... 975 00:45:05,875 --> 00:45:07,833 we're engaged. 976 00:45:26,958 --> 00:45:29,292 BRIDGET: At times like this... 977 00:45:29,333 --> 00:45:32,917 continuing with one's life seems impossible... 978 00:45:32,958 --> 00:45:35,750 and eating the entire contents of one's fridge... 979 00:45:35,750 --> 00:45:38,042 seems inevitable. 980 00:45:38,083 --> 00:45:40,667 I have two choices-- 981 00:45:40,708 --> 00:45:44,667 to give up and accept permanent state of spinster hood... 982 00:45:44,708 --> 00:45:48,625 and eventual eating by dogs... or not. 983 00:45:48,667 --> 00:45:49,792 [Sighs] 984 00:45:49,833 --> 00:45:51,333 And this time, I choose not. 985 00:45:51,375 --> 00:45:53,083 I will not be defeated... 986 00:45:53,292 --> 00:45:56,875 by a bad man and an American stick insect. 987 00:45:56,917 --> 00:45:59,958 Instead, I choose vodka... 988 00:46:01,417 --> 00:46:02,792 and ChakaKhan. 989 00:46:02,833 --> 00:46:04,833 [Disco music playing] 990 00:46:15,042 --> 00:46:17,875 CHAKAKHAN SINGING: I'm every woman 991 00:46:17,917 --> 00:46:21,000 It's all in me 992 00:46:21,042 --> 00:46:23,625 Anything you want done, baby 993 00:46:23,667 --> 00:46:25,542 I'll do it naturally 994 00:46:26,708 --> 00:46:29,708 Mmm 995 00:46:29,750 --> 00:46:32,833 I'm every woman 996 00:46:32,875 --> 00:46:36,000 It's all in me 997 00:46:36,042 --> 00:46:38,375 I can be the most right now 998 00:46:38,417 --> 00:46:39,792 Every girl from A to Z 999 00:46:39,833 --> 00:46:42,750 Whoa, whoa, whoa 1000 00:46:42,792 --> 00:46:44,000 Whoa, whoa, whoa 1001 00:46:44,042 --> 00:46:45,333 Whoa 1002 00:46:45,375 --> 00:46:47,042 Ahh. 1003 00:46:47,083 --> 00:46:48,417 Ohh! 1004 00:46:48,458 --> 00:46:49,958 CHAKAKAHN SINGING: I can cast a spell 1005 00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:51,458 Fuck. 1006 00:46:51,458 --> 00:46:52,917 CHAKAKAHN SINGING: Of secrets you can't tell 1007 00:46:52,917 --> 00:46:55,292 Mix a special groove 1008 00:46:55,333 --> 00:46:57,583 Put fire inside of you 1009 00:46:57,625 --> 00:46:59,708 Any time you feel danger... 1010 00:46:59,750 --> 00:47:01,750 Why do you want to be in television? 1011 00:47:01,750 --> 00:47:05,708 Well, I've realized that I've become deeply committed... 1012 00:47:05,750 --> 00:47:07,542 to communicating to the public... 1013 00:47:07,583 --> 00:47:10,000 the up-to-the-moment and in-depth news... 1014 00:47:10,042 --> 00:47:11,917 both political and ecological. 1015 00:47:11,958 --> 00:47:14,500 What do you think of the El Niño phenomenon? 1016 00:47:14,542 --> 00:47:17,333 BRIDGET: Um...it's ab lip. 1017 00:47:17,375 --> 00:47:20,375 I think, basically, Latin music is on its way out. 1018 00:47:21,917 --> 00:47:23,458 So, why do you want to work in television? 1019 00:47:23,500 --> 00:47:25,583 Because I'm passionately committed... 1020 00:47:25,625 --> 00:47:27,500 to communicating with children. 1021 00:47:27,542 --> 00:47:28,792 They are the future. 1022 00:47:28,833 --> 00:47:30,792 Do you have any children of your own? 1023 00:47:30,792 --> 00:47:32,417 Oh, Christ, no. Yuck! 1024 00:47:32,458 --> 00:47:34,417 [Laughs] 1025 00:47:34,458 --> 00:47:35,542 BRIDGET: Ah. 1026 00:47:35,583 --> 00:47:36,875 Sorry. 1027 00:47:36,917 --> 00:47:39,500 MAN: So, why do you want to work in television? 1028 00:47:39,542 --> 00:47:42,917 I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss. 1029 00:47:42,958 --> 00:47:44,792 Fair enough. Start on Monday. 1030 00:47:44,833 --> 00:47:46,375 We'll see how we go. 1031 00:47:46,417 --> 00:47:47,792 Oh, and... 1032 00:47:47,833 --> 00:47:49,583 incidentally... 1033 00:47:49,625 --> 00:47:51,000 at "Sit Up, Britain"... 1034 00:47:51,042 --> 00:47:53,958 no one ever gets sacked for shagging the boss. 1035 00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:55,792 That's a matter of principle. 1036 00:48:00,375 --> 00:48:01,875 Oh, Bridget. 1037 00:48:01,917 --> 00:48:03,667 Come on, it's... 1038 00:48:03,708 --> 00:48:05,292 I mean, I know it's been awkward as ass... 1039 00:48:05,333 --> 00:48:06,750 but there's no need to leave. 1040 00:48:06,792 --> 00:48:08,792 No, actually, there is. 1041 00:48:08,792 --> 00:48:11,625 I've been offered a job in television. 1042 00:48:11,667 --> 00:48:13,083 Television? 1043 00:48:13,292 --> 00:48:16,500 Mmm. And they want me to start straight away. 1044 00:48:16,542 --> 00:48:20,458 So I've got to leave in about, ooh, three minutes... 1045 00:48:20,458 --> 00:48:22,458 so, um... 1046 00:48:24,417 --> 00:48:27,417 Whoa. Just hold it right there, Miss Jones. 1047 00:48:27,458 --> 00:48:28,667 I'm sorry to inform you... 1048 00:48:28,708 --> 00:48:30,667 but I think you'll find that by contract... 1049 00:48:30,750 --> 00:48:32,792 you're expected to give at least six weeks notice. 1050 00:48:32,833 --> 00:48:34,500 BRIDGET: Ah, yes, well... 1051 00:48:34,542 --> 00:48:36,750 I thought with the company being in so much trouble and all... 1052 00:48:36,792 --> 00:48:38,042 you wouldn't really miss... 1053 00:48:38,083 --> 00:48:40,667 the person who waltzes in in a see-through top... 1054 00:48:40,708 --> 00:48:42,958 and fannies about with the press releases. 1055 00:48:44,583 --> 00:48:45,917 Bridget. 1056 00:48:45,958 --> 00:48:48,958 I want to hear this, because if she gives one inch... 1057 00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:50,667 I'm going to fire her bony little bottom anyway... 1058 00:48:50,708 --> 00:48:53,333 for being totally spineless. 1059 00:48:53,375 --> 00:48:54,625 What? 1060 00:48:54,667 --> 00:48:57,875 Well, I just think you should know that, um... 1061 00:48:57,917 --> 00:49:00,792 there are lots of prospects here for a talented person. 1062 00:49:00,792 --> 00:49:01,958 Just give me a minute, will you, Simon? Thanks. 1063 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:03,583 Right-o, boss man. 1064 00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:09,083 Lots of prospects for a person who... 1065 00:49:09,292 --> 00:49:11,000 you know, perhaps for personal reasons... 1066 00:49:11,042 --> 00:49:14,917 has been slightly overlooked professionally. 1067 00:49:14,958 --> 00:49:17,917 Thank you, Daniel. That is very good to know... 1068 00:49:17,958 --> 00:49:19,333 but if staying here... 1069 00:49:19,375 --> 00:49:21,833 means working within 10 yards of you... 1070 00:49:21,875 --> 00:49:25,750 frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's ass. 1071 00:49:25,750 --> 00:49:27,375 ARETHA FRANKLIN SINGING: R-E-S-P-E-C-T 1072 00:49:27,417 --> 00:49:29,500 Find out what it means to me 1073 00:49:29,542 --> 00:49:31,458 R-E-S-P-E-C-T 1074 00:49:31,500 --> 00:49:32,917 Takin' care of T.C.B 1075 00:49:32,958 --> 00:49:34,667 Sock it to me, sock it to me 1076 00:49:34,708 --> 00:49:36,583 Sock it to me, sock it to me 1077 00:49:36,583 --> 00:49:38,542 Well, bye, everyone. 1078 00:49:38,583 --> 00:49:40,542 [Singing] Just a little bit 1079 00:49:40,583 --> 00:49:41,833 Just a little bit 1080 00:49:41,875 --> 00:49:43,417 I get tired 1081 00:49:43,458 --> 00:49:45,042 But keep on tryin' 1082 00:49:45,083 --> 00:49:46,750 You're runnin' out of fools 1083 00:49:46,792 --> 00:49:47,875 [Song stops] 1084 00:49:47,917 --> 00:49:49,375 Oh, just sod off. 1085 00:49:49,542 --> 00:49:51,833 HOST: Hello and welcome to "Sit Up, Britain." 1086 00:49:51,875 --> 00:49:55,083 OK, everybody, it is bonfire night... 1087 00:49:55,292 --> 00:49:56,917 and we are on fire. 1088 00:49:56,958 --> 00:49:58,875 RICHARD: We have live fire station feeds... 1089 00:49:58,917 --> 00:50:03,375 from Newcastle, Swansea, Sheffield, and Lewisham... 1090 00:50:03,417 --> 00:50:05,083 just poised for tragedy. 1091 00:50:05,292 --> 00:50:07,500 Bridget Jones, where are you? 1092 00:50:09,417 --> 00:50:10,583 I'm here, Richard. 1093 00:50:10,625 --> 00:50:12,750 Put on some more makeup. I want you on-camera. 1094 00:50:12,792 --> 00:50:13,917 But-- 1095 00:50:13,958 --> 00:50:15,917 RICHARD: I'm thinking...mini skirt. 1096 00:50:15,917 --> 00:50:17,542 I'm thinking fireman's helmet. 1097 00:50:17,583 --> 00:50:19,417 I want you pointing a hose. 1098 00:50:19,458 --> 00:50:20,792 I want you sliding down the pole... 1099 00:50:20,792 --> 00:50:22,333 and then go straight into the interview. 1100 00:50:22,375 --> 00:50:24,625 Great. 1101 00:50:24,667 --> 00:50:26,375 I'll do it. 1102 00:50:28,625 --> 00:50:30,083 No problem. Fine. Right. 1103 00:50:30,083 --> 00:50:31,625 So, you drop into shot... 1104 00:50:31,625 --> 00:50:32,792 and then interview Chief Fireman Bevan. 1105 00:50:32,833 --> 00:50:34,625 Yep, yep, yep. 1106 00:50:34,667 --> 00:50:35,917 Go, go. Go, go. Go! 1107 00:50:35,958 --> 00:50:37,542 Go? 1108 00:50:37,625 --> 00:50:40,792 NEVILLE: Oh, no. We're going to Newcastle first. 1109 00:50:40,833 --> 00:50:42,417 Stop! 1110 00:50:42,458 --> 00:50:43,792 Climb back up. 1111 00:50:43,833 --> 00:50:45,000 On you in thirty seconds. 1112 00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:46,750 OK. 1113 00:50:46,792 --> 00:50:48,917 [Grunts] 1114 00:50:48,958 --> 00:50:51,542 RICHARD: Neville, what the fuck is going on? 1115 00:50:51,583 --> 00:50:52,833 She's supposed to be sliding down the pole... 1116 00:50:52,875 --> 00:50:55,042 -not climbing up it. -Go, go, go, go, go! 1117 00:50:55,083 --> 00:50:56,542 Oh, OK. 1118 00:50:57,583 --> 00:50:59,750 -Oh! -Oh, Jesus Christ. 1119 00:50:59,792 --> 00:51:02,333 Uhh! Uhh! 1120 00:51:02,375 --> 00:51:03,375 OK, we're out of time. We're out of time. 1121 00:51:03,417 --> 00:51:04,833 RICHARD: Just wind 'erupt. 1122 00:51:04,833 --> 00:51:08,083 Well, that seems to be about all we've got time for... 1123 00:51:08,292 --> 00:51:09,958 down here in Lewisham. 1124 00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:13,792 Uh, Chief Officer Bevan, thank you very much. 1125 00:51:13,833 --> 00:51:15,625 Excellent fire station. 1126 00:51:15,667 --> 00:51:17,583 BRIDGET: Uh, and now... 1127 00:51:17,625 --> 00:51:19,917 back to the studio. 1128 00:51:19,958 --> 00:51:21,583 BRIDGET: Whoo! 1129 00:51:21,625 --> 00:51:23,500 Whoo! 1130 00:51:23,542 --> 00:51:25,542 Whoo! 1131 00:51:25,583 --> 00:51:26,875 Whoo! 1132 00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:29,583 BRIDGET: Excellent. Am national laughing stock. 1133 00:51:29,625 --> 00:51:31,833 Have bottom the size of Brazil. 1134 00:51:31,875 --> 00:51:33,458 Am daughter of broken home... 1135 00:51:33,500 --> 00:51:35,000 and rubbish at everything and... 1136 00:51:35,083 --> 00:51:36,375 oh, God. 1137 00:51:36,417 --> 00:51:39,042 I'm having dinner with Magda and Jeremy. 1138 00:51:39,083 --> 00:51:41,958 The only thing worse than as mug married couple-- 1139 00:51:41,958 --> 00:51:44,875 Lots of smug married couples. 1140 00:51:44,917 --> 00:51:47,542 Right, everyone. This is Bridget. 1141 00:51:48,917 --> 00:51:50,542 Bridge, this is Hugo and Jane. 1142 00:51:50,583 --> 00:51:52,042 MAGDA: And, obviously, you know, of course... 1143 00:51:52,083 --> 00:51:53,500 Cosmo and Woney. 1144 00:51:53,542 --> 00:51:54,750 -Hi, Bridge. -Hi, Bridge. 1145 00:51:54,792 --> 00:51:57,375 MAGDA: This is Alistair and Henrietta... 1146 00:51:57,417 --> 00:51:58,625 Julia and Michael... 1147 00:51:58,667 --> 00:51:59,750 Joanne and Paul... 1148 00:51:59,792 --> 00:52:01,625 and Jeremy's partners from chambers. 1149 00:52:01,625 --> 00:52:04,458 This is Natasha Glenville and Mark Darcy. 1150 00:52:04,500 --> 00:52:05,625 Hi, there. 1151 00:52:05,667 --> 00:52:07,042 Hello. 1152 00:52:07,083 --> 00:52:09,042 Not in your bunny girl outfit today? 1153 00:52:09,083 --> 00:52:10,417 BRIDGET: No. 1154 00:52:10,458 --> 00:52:15,083 We bunnies only wear our tails on very special occasions. 1155 00:52:15,083 --> 00:52:17,417 -Sit yourself down. -Right. 1156 00:52:20,542 --> 00:52:23,583 Hey, Bridge, how's your love life? 1157 00:52:23,667 --> 00:52:25,000 Oh... 1158 00:52:25,042 --> 00:52:27,458 COSMO: Still going out with that publishing chap pie? 1159 00:52:27,500 --> 00:52:29,792 Uh, no, no. 1160 00:52:29,833 --> 00:52:31,083 Terribly brill. 1161 00:52:31,292 --> 00:52:33,958 COSMO: Never dip your nib in the office ink. 1162 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,500 Right. 1163 00:52:35,542 --> 00:52:36,750 COSMO: You really ought to hurry up... 1164 00:52:36,792 --> 00:52:39,375 and get sprugged up, you know, old girl? 1165 00:52:39,417 --> 00:52:42,917 Time's a-running out. Tick-tock. 1166 00:52:42,958 --> 00:52:44,958 Yes, yes. 1167 00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,417 Uh, tell me, is it one in four marriages... 1168 00:52:47,458 --> 00:52:49,417 that ends in divorce now or one in three? 1169 00:52:49,458 --> 00:52:50,750 One in three. 1170 00:52:51,750 --> 00:52:53,042 COSMO: Seriously, though. 1171 00:52:53,083 --> 00:52:56,917 Offices full of single girls in their thirties-- 1172 00:52:56,958 --> 00:52:58,875 fine physical specimens... 1173 00:52:58,917 --> 00:53:02,042 but they just can't seem to hold down a chap. 1174 00:53:02,083 --> 00:53:03,583 WONEY: Yes. Why is it... 1175 00:53:03,583 --> 00:53:05,583 there are so many unmarried women in their thirties... 1176 00:53:05,583 --> 00:53:06,708 these days, Bridget? 1177 00:53:06,750 --> 00:53:07,917 [Mark sets down silverware] 1178 00:53:11,583 --> 00:53:12,708 [Laughs] 1179 00:53:12,750 --> 00:53:14,917 Oh, I don't know. 1180 00:53:14,958 --> 00:53:18,000 Suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes... 1181 00:53:18,042 --> 00:53:20,583 our entire bodies are covered in scales. 1182 00:53:20,625 --> 00:53:23,500 [Faint laughter] 1183 00:53:33,500 --> 00:53:34,667 MARK: I very much enjoyed... 1184 00:53:34,708 --> 00:53:38,625 your Lewis ham fire report, by the way. 1185 00:53:38,625 --> 00:53:40,083 Thank you. 1186 00:53:43,667 --> 00:53:45,708 I just... 1187 00:53:45,750 --> 00:53:47,375 yeah, well. 1188 00:53:48,917 --> 00:53:50,375 So. 1189 00:53:51,417 --> 00:53:52,708 It didn't work out with Daniel Cleaver? 1190 00:53:52,750 --> 00:53:54,875 No, it didn't. 1191 00:53:56,417 --> 00:53:57,708 I'm delighted to hear it. 1192 00:53:59,292 --> 00:54:02,458 Look, are you and Cosmo in this together? 1193 00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:04,042 I mean, you seem to go out of your way... 1194 00:54:04,083 --> 00:54:06,375 to try to make me feel like a complete idiot... 1195 00:54:06,417 --> 00:54:11,292 every time I see you, and you really needn't bother. 1196 00:54:11,333 --> 00:54:15,667 I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway-- 1197 00:54:15,708 --> 00:54:18,458 with or without a fireman's pole. 1198 00:54:18,500 --> 00:54:20,917 [Doorbell buzzes] 1199 00:54:20,958 --> 00:54:22,458 BRIDGET: That'll be my taxi. 1200 00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:24,917 Good night. 1201 00:54:24,958 --> 00:54:26,417 Look, um... 1202 00:54:26,417 --> 00:54:29,417 I'm sorry if I've been... 1203 00:54:29,458 --> 00:54:30,708 What? 1204 00:54:30,750 --> 00:54:34,625 I don't think you're an idiot at all. 1205 00:54:34,667 --> 00:54:38,667 I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. 1206 00:54:38,708 --> 00:54:40,958 Your mother's pretty interesting. 1207 00:54:40,958 --> 00:54:42,292 And you really are... 1208 00:54:42,333 --> 00:54:44,333 an appallingly bad public speaker. 1209 00:54:44,375 --> 00:54:46,625 And you tend to let whatever's in your head... 1210 00:54:46,667 --> 00:54:47,917 come out of your mouth... 1211 00:54:47,958 --> 00:54:51,333 without much consideration of the consequences. 1212 00:54:51,375 --> 00:54:54,667 I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet... 1213 00:54:54,708 --> 00:54:59,542 that I was unforgivably rude and wearing a reindeer jumper... 1214 00:54:59,583 --> 00:55:01,833 that my mother had given me the day before. 1215 00:55:03,083 --> 00:55:05,083 But the thing is, um... 1216 00:55:05,292 --> 00:55:09,833 what I'm trying to say very inarticulately is... 1217 00:55:11,292 --> 00:55:12,917 that, um... 1218 00:55:12,958 --> 00:55:14,667 infact... 1219 00:55:14,708 --> 00:55:17,917 perhaps, despite appearances... 1220 00:55:17,958 --> 00:55:20,708 I like you very much. 1221 00:55:20,750 --> 00:55:23,958 Ah. Apart from the smoking and the drinking... 1222 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:26,833 and the vulgar mother and the verbal diarrhea. 1223 00:55:26,875 --> 00:55:30,792 No. I like you very much-- just as you are. 1224 00:55:32,500 --> 00:55:36,083 Mark, we really are making progress on the case in here. 1225 00:55:36,292 --> 00:55:40,083 NATASHA: Jeremy's had the most brilliant idea. 1226 00:55:40,292 --> 00:55:41,875 [Snaps fingers] MARK: Right. 1227 00:55:41,917 --> 00:55:43,333 Right. 1228 00:55:45,917 --> 00:55:48,083 I must go, because... 1229 00:55:49,833 --> 00:55:51,833 well... 1230 00:55:51,917 --> 00:55:53,583 bye. 1231 00:55:53,667 --> 00:55:56,917 VAN MORRISION SINGING: Someone exactly like you 1232 00:56:00,958 --> 00:56:05,542 I've been travelin' all around the world 1233 00:56:05,667 --> 00:56:08,500 Just as you are? 1234 00:56:08,542 --> 00:56:10,000 Not thinner? Not cleverer? 1235 00:56:10,083 --> 00:56:13,333 Not with slightly bigger breasts and a slightly smaller nose? 1236 00:56:13,375 --> 00:56:14,875 VAN MORRISON SINGING: Someone like you 1237 00:56:14,917 --> 00:56:16,417 BRIDGET: Mm-mmm. 1238 00:56:16,417 --> 00:56:19,458 VAN MORRISON SINGING: To make it all worth while 1239 00:56:19,500 --> 00:56:21,583 Well... 1240 00:56:21,625 --> 00:56:23,042 fuck me. 1241 00:56:23,083 --> 00:56:24,750 VAN MORRISON SINGING: Keep me satisfied 1242 00:56:24,792 --> 00:56:27,000 Someone exactly like you 1243 00:56:27,042 --> 00:56:28,792 But this is someone you hate, right? 1244 00:56:28,833 --> 00:56:30,708 Mmm. Mmm. 1245 00:56:30,750 --> 00:56:32,875 Yes, yes. I hate him. 1246 00:56:32,917 --> 00:56:34,917 [Laughs] 1247 00:56:34,917 --> 00:56:36,458 [Barking] 1248 00:56:36,500 --> 00:56:39,375 VAN MORRISION SINGING: I've been traveling a hard road 1249 00:56:39,417 --> 00:56:43,625 BRIDGET: November 9. Weight--138 pounds. 1250 00:56:43,667 --> 00:56:45,458 Cigarettes--three. 1251 00:56:45,500 --> 00:56:47,708 Birthday--thirty-three. 1252 00:56:48,958 --> 00:56:51,542 OK, Bridget, see if you can get it right this time. 1253 00:56:51,583 --> 00:56:54,750 The verdict in the Aghani-Heaney case is expected today. 1254 00:56:54,792 --> 00:56:55,750 Get yourself down to the high court. 1255 00:56:55,792 --> 00:56:59,375 I want a hard headed interview. 1256 00:56:59,417 --> 00:57:01,292 You do know the Aghani-Heaney case? 1257 00:57:01,292 --> 00:57:04,292 Yes, of course. 1258 00:57:04,333 --> 00:57:06,417 Big case... 1259 00:57:06,458 --> 00:57:09,667 featuring someone called Aghanihini. 1260 00:57:09,708 --> 00:57:13,625 Or two people called Kafir Aghani and Eleanor Heaney. 1261 00:57:13,667 --> 00:57:16,417 That's the one. 1262 00:57:16,417 --> 00:57:19,500 She's a British aid worker. He's a Kurdish freedom fighter. 1263 00:57:19,542 --> 00:57:21,458 The government want to extradite him home... 1264 00:57:21,500 --> 00:57:23,083 where he'll certainly be executed. 1265 00:57:23,292 --> 00:57:24,542 She's married to him... 1266 00:57:24,583 --> 00:57:26,375 and they fought for five years to keep him here. 1267 00:57:26,417 --> 00:57:27,750 Today is the decision. 1268 00:57:27,792 --> 00:57:29,333 Oh, that's exciting. 1269 00:57:29,375 --> 00:57:33,042 Yes, it is... so what are you waiting for? 1270 00:57:33,083 --> 00:57:36,417 BRIDGET: Am suddenly hard-headed journalist... 1271 00:57:36,417 --> 00:57:39,500 ruthlessly committed to promoting justice and liberty. 1272 00:57:39,542 --> 00:57:41,750 Nothing can distract me from my dedication... 1273 00:57:41,792 --> 00:57:43,792 to the pursuit of truth. 1274 00:57:43,833 --> 00:57:46,333 Well, almost nothing. 1275 00:57:46,417 --> 00:57:49,458 Right. I'll just pop to the shop for some ciggies. 1276 00:57:49,500 --> 00:57:53,625 BRIDGET: 14 p for the Polos and packet of Wheat Crunchies. 1277 00:57:53,667 --> 00:57:54,875 MARK: Packet of Embassy, please. 1278 00:57:54,917 --> 00:57:56,667 I'm sorry. I'm not quite fin-- 1279 00:57:56,708 --> 00:57:58,583 Good afternoon. 1280 00:58:00,792 --> 00:58:01,917 Hi. 1281 00:58:03,042 --> 00:58:04,958 You like me just the way I am. 1282 00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:06,458 Sorry? 1283 00:58:06,500 --> 00:58:08,708 Nothing. 1284 00:58:08,750 --> 00:58:10,917 Bridget, we've fucked up utterly. 1285 00:58:10,958 --> 00:58:13,667 Eleanor Heaney and Kafir Aghani have come and gone. 1286 00:58:13,708 --> 00:58:17,000 Oh, God. I'll be sacked. 1287 00:58:17,042 --> 00:58:18,375 Did the others get interviews? 1288 00:58:18,417 --> 00:58:20,417 I don't know. I was having a slash. 1289 00:58:20,417 --> 00:58:22,042 Actually, nobody got interviews. 1290 00:58:22,083 --> 00:58:23,375 How do you know? 1291 00:58:23,417 --> 00:58:24,542 Because I was defending him... 1292 00:58:24,583 --> 00:58:26,708 and I told him not to give any interviews. 1293 00:58:27,750 --> 00:58:29,708 Look... 1294 00:58:29,750 --> 00:58:31,958 MARK: I have a plan. 1295 00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:33,625 And action. 1296 00:58:35,625 --> 00:58:38,917 Mr. Darcy, you were defending Mr. Aghani. 1297 00:58:38,958 --> 00:58:41,042 You must be delighted. 1298 00:58:41,083 --> 00:58:43,708 Yes, well, Kafir Aghani has spent his entire life... 1299 00:58:43,750 --> 00:58:45,042 defending the basic human rights... 1300 00:58:45,083 --> 00:58:46,792 of his own people, and today's verdict... 1301 00:58:46,833 --> 00:58:48,792 has been the result of five years of struggle... 1302 00:58:48,792 --> 00:58:50,750 by this woman, Eleanor Heaney... 1303 00:58:50,750 --> 00:58:54,292 to save the man she loves from an extradition order... 1304 00:58:54,333 --> 00:58:57,875 that would've been tant amount to a death sentence. 1305 00:58:57,917 --> 00:58:59,375 Right. 1306 00:58:59,417 --> 00:59:02,417 BRIDGET: And, Eleanor, over to you. 1307 00:59:02,417 --> 00:59:05,500 Did you fancy Kafir the first time that you saw him? 1308 00:59:05,542 --> 00:59:06,708 [Laughs] 1309 00:59:08,375 --> 00:59:11,417 This has been Bridget Jones for "Sit Up, Britain"... 1310 00:59:11,458 --> 00:59:15,958 with, let's face it, a bit of a crush now, actually. 1311 00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:17,500 Good afternoon. 1312 00:59:17,542 --> 00:59:21,583 Bridget Jones-- already a legend. 1313 00:59:21,792 --> 00:59:23,583 ARTFUL DODGER SINGING: I feel fantastic, bombastic 1314 00:59:23,625 --> 00:59:25,708 Ecstatically astounded 1315 00:59:25,750 --> 00:59:28,875 Got a girl who can really use her brain 1316 00:59:28,917 --> 00:59:31,417 I feel surrounded, confounded 1317 00:59:31,458 --> 00:59:33,917 Emotionally dumbfounded 1318 00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:37,958 BRIDGET: Oh, joy. I am broadcasting genius. 1319 00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:41,375 Celebrating by cooking birthday feast for close friends. 1320 00:59:41,417 --> 00:59:42,917 Have sneaking suspicion... 1321 00:59:42,958 --> 00:59:45,833 am also something of a genius in the kitchen as well. 1322 00:59:45,875 --> 00:59:50,542 Tie flavor-enhancing leek and celery together with string. 1323 00:59:50,583 --> 00:59:51,958 Right. 1324 00:59:51,958 --> 00:59:53,333 String. 1325 00:59:53,375 --> 00:59:54,875 String, string, string. 1326 00:59:54,917 --> 00:59:56,917 Perfect. 1327 00:59:56,917 --> 00:59:58,500 ARTFUL DODGER SINGING: I don't think so 1328 01:00:00,625 --> 01:00:04,458 Finely slice oranges and grate zest. 1329 01:00:04,500 --> 01:00:06,458 ARTFUL DODGER SINGING: Why don't you leave it there? 1330 01:00:06,500 --> 01:00:09,417 I feel fantastic, bombastic, ecstatic... 1331 01:00:09,458 --> 01:00:10,750 Aah! Oh, bugger! 1332 01:00:10,792 --> 01:00:11,750 Oh, bugger, bugger! 1333 01:00:13,375 --> 01:00:15,708 ARTFUL DODGER SINGING: I feel surrounded, confounded 1334 01:00:15,750 --> 01:00:16,875 Emotionally dumbfounded 1335 01:00:16,917 --> 01:00:19,000 Where the fuck is the fucking tuna? 1336 01:00:19,042 --> 01:00:21,792 Oh, this is Bridget Jones for "Sit Up, Britain"... 1337 01:00:21,833 --> 01:00:23,333 searching for tuna. 1338 01:00:23,417 --> 01:00:25,375 [Telephone rings] 1339 01:00:27,792 --> 01:00:28,792 Bridget Jones. 1340 01:00:28,792 --> 01:00:30,375 Hello, darling. 1341 01:00:30,458 --> 01:00:31,625 Hi, Mum. 1342 01:00:31,667 --> 01:00:34,667 I just wanted a bit of a chat. 1343 01:00:34,750 --> 01:00:37,083 Ouch! Careful, you ham-fisted cunt! 1344 01:00:37,292 --> 01:00:39,417 The thing is, darling, I'm-- 1345 01:00:39,458 --> 01:00:40,958 Between you and me, I'm not entirely sure... 1346 01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:42,958 that Julian isn't a bit of a shit. 1347 01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:44,000 BRIDGET: Yes, well, you know, Mum... 1348 01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:45,958 I haven't really got time right now. 1349 01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:47,708 Oh, l... 1350 01:00:47,750 --> 01:00:50,542 I can't deny the sex is still very surprising. 1351 01:00:50,583 --> 01:00:52,583 You know, the other night, quite unexpectedly... 1352 01:00:52,625 --> 01:00:54,792 I was just dozing off, and I felt this huge-- 1353 01:00:54,833 --> 01:00:56,417 Bye, Mum. 1354 01:00:56,458 --> 01:00:57,833 [Hangs up] 1355 01:00:57,875 --> 01:00:58,750 Ecch. 1356 01:00:58,792 --> 01:01:00,042 [Knock on door] 1357 01:01:00,083 --> 01:01:01,042 Oh. 1358 01:01:01,083 --> 01:01:03,333 Who can be calling now? 1359 01:01:04,917 --> 01:01:06,042 Oh. 1360 01:01:09,625 --> 01:01:11,000 The door was open. 1361 01:01:11,042 --> 01:01:13,583 MARK: I came to congratulate... 1362 01:01:13,667 --> 01:01:17,042 the new face of British current affairs. 1363 01:01:19,083 --> 01:01:21,458 BRIDGET: Huh. 1364 01:01:21,500 --> 01:01:25,958 But I see I may have come at a bad time. 1365 01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:27,833 How's it look? 1366 01:01:27,875 --> 01:01:30,875 Great. It's, um...blue. 1367 01:01:30,917 --> 01:01:32,750 [Gasps] Blue? 1368 01:01:32,792 --> 01:01:34,333 MARK: No, but blue is good. 1369 01:01:34,375 --> 01:01:36,583 If you ask me, there isn't enough blue food. 1370 01:01:36,625 --> 01:01:39,625 Oh, shit. It must've been the string. 1371 01:01:39,667 --> 01:01:41,375 Oh, it's string soup? 1372 01:01:41,417 --> 01:01:42,583 [Laughs] 1373 01:01:42,625 --> 01:01:44,500 Oh, God. They're going to be here any minute. 1374 01:01:44,542 --> 01:01:46,083 Well, don't worry. I'm sure they've come to see you... 1375 01:01:46,292 --> 01:01:50,333 and not orange parfait in sugar cages. 1376 01:01:50,375 --> 01:01:51,625 Have a drink. 1377 01:01:51,667 --> 01:01:52,833 Yes. 1378 01:01:56,833 --> 01:01:57,833 Happy birthday. 1379 01:01:57,875 --> 01:01:59,042 Thank you. 1380 01:01:59,083 --> 01:02:00,375 [Laughs] 1381 01:02:00,417 --> 01:02:02,292 [Sighs] 1382 01:02:02,292 --> 01:02:04,708 Did I really run round your lawn naked? 1383 01:02:04,750 --> 01:02:06,417 Oh, yes. 1384 01:02:06,458 --> 01:02:08,083 You were four, and I was eight. 1385 01:02:08,292 --> 01:02:11,750 Well, that's a pretty big age difference. 1386 01:02:12,792 --> 01:02:14,333 It's quite pervy, really. 1387 01:02:14,375 --> 01:02:16,458 Yes, I like to think so. 1388 01:02:20,083 --> 01:02:22,750 BRIDGET: What are we going to do about this dinner, then? 1389 01:02:24,917 --> 01:02:29,875 We can have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and... 1390 01:02:29,917 --> 01:02:30,958 well, for main course, we have... 1391 01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:33,708 uh, congealed green gunge. 1392 01:02:33,750 --> 01:02:37,792 -That is caper berry gravy. -Oh, yes. Yeah. 1393 01:02:37,833 --> 01:02:39,792 -Do you have eggs? -Yes. 1394 01:02:39,833 --> 01:02:40,792 Right. 1395 01:02:40,833 --> 01:02:42,417 -Omelet it is, then. -Ah. 1396 01:02:42,458 --> 01:02:43,875 With caper berry gravy. 1397 01:02:47,792 --> 01:02:52,292 You wouldn't by any chance have any beet root cubes? 1398 01:02:52,333 --> 01:02:55,333 A mini-gherkin, stuffed olive? 1399 01:02:55,375 --> 01:02:57,917 No, Pam, and besides, I'm busy. 1400 01:02:57,958 --> 01:03:00,000 The gravy needs sieving. 1401 01:03:00,083 --> 01:03:01,917 Surely not. Just stir it, Una. 1402 01:03:04,667 --> 01:03:06,542 [Doorbell buzzes] 1403 01:03:06,583 --> 01:03:08,958 SHELBY LYNNE SINGING: In the dark 1404 01:03:08,958 --> 01:03:10,958 I can hear 1405 01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:12,000 [Bridget opens door] 1406 01:03:12,083 --> 01:03:14,375 SHAZZER: Happy, happy birthday! 1407 01:03:14,417 --> 01:03:16,792 Hey, TV queen. 1408 01:03:16,833 --> 01:03:20,833 Hey, Bridge, you looked fantastic. 1409 01:03:23,458 --> 01:03:24,500 Hello. 1410 01:03:24,583 --> 01:03:25,792 Hello. 1411 01:03:25,833 --> 01:03:27,083 TOM: Are you joining us? 1412 01:03:27,292 --> 01:03:29,625 Yeah. Yeah, of course. 1413 01:03:29,625 --> 01:03:31,083 SHELBY LYNNE SINGING: What did you say? 1414 01:03:31,292 --> 01:03:34,583 It's OK 1415 01:03:34,625 --> 01:03:36,458 [Laughs] 1416 01:03:36,500 --> 01:03:38,458 SHELBY LYNNE SINGING: Mmm, mmm 1417 01:03:38,500 --> 01:03:40,292 Did you miss me? 1418 01:03:48,792 --> 01:03:49,792 Excellent. 1419 01:03:49,792 --> 01:03:50,833 Mmm. Yeah. 1420 01:03:50,875 --> 01:03:52,792 Delicious. 1421 01:03:52,833 --> 01:03:54,083 TOM: Really special. 1422 01:03:54,292 --> 01:03:55,917 It's really--really very good. 1423 01:03:55,958 --> 01:03:57,750 SHAZZER: Really. It's very nice. 1424 01:03:57,792 --> 01:03:59,333 [Laughter] 1425 01:04:00,417 --> 01:04:01,458 SHAZZER: Say... 1426 01:04:01,500 --> 01:04:02,792 Mmm. 1427 01:04:02,833 --> 01:04:04,333 Mark, why did your wife leave you? 1428 01:04:04,417 --> 01:04:06,375 Mmm. Eat up. 1429 01:04:06,417 --> 01:04:08,875 Eat up. Two more lovely courses to go. 1430 01:04:10,375 --> 01:04:13,417 SHELBY LYNNE SINGING: Make it mine 1431 01:04:13,458 --> 01:04:15,500 They can talk 1432 01:04:15,542 --> 01:04:16,750 Mmm, delicious. 1433 01:04:16,792 --> 01:04:18,083 [Laughter] 1434 01:04:18,292 --> 01:04:20,333 I have to say, this really is the most incredible shit. 1435 01:04:20,417 --> 01:04:21,875 [Laughter] 1436 01:04:24,292 --> 01:04:26,292 This is the worst of the three. 1437 01:04:26,333 --> 01:04:28,083 It does actually remind me of something. 1438 01:04:28,292 --> 01:04:29,083 It tastes like-- 1439 01:04:29,292 --> 01:04:30,750 Marmalade. 1440 01:04:30,792 --> 01:04:32,417 TOM: Well done, Bridge. 1441 01:04:32,458 --> 01:04:35,542 Four hours of careful cooking and a feast of blue soup... 1442 01:04:35,583 --> 01:04:37,042 omelet, and marmalade. 1443 01:04:37,083 --> 01:04:38,083 Thank you. 1444 01:04:38,292 --> 01:04:39,583 I think that deserves a toast, don't you? 1445 01:04:39,625 --> 01:04:40,750 To Bridget... 1446 01:04:40,792 --> 01:04:43,958 who cannot cook, but who we love... 1447 01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:45,458 just as she is. 1448 01:04:47,292 --> 01:04:48,542 ALL: To Bridget... 1449 01:04:48,583 --> 01:04:51,042 just as she is. 1450 01:04:51,083 --> 01:04:53,042 SHELBY LYNNE SINGING: Did you miss me? 1451 01:04:54,333 --> 01:04:56,292 Did you miss me? 1452 01:04:58,458 --> 01:04:59,750 [Doorbell buzzes] 1453 01:04:59,792 --> 01:05:01,333 I'll go. 1454 01:05:06,292 --> 01:05:08,292 [Door opens] 1455 01:05:11,958 --> 01:05:13,292 Who? 1456 01:05:14,500 --> 01:05:17,708 Ah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. 1457 01:05:17,750 --> 01:05:21,542 I'm obviously interrupting a... 1458 01:05:21,583 --> 01:05:23,875 Darcy. 1459 01:05:23,917 --> 01:05:26,375 What brings you here? 1460 01:05:26,417 --> 01:05:28,917 Oh, right. Yeah. 1461 01:05:28,917 --> 01:05:30,333 I should've guessed, shouldn't l? 1462 01:05:30,375 --> 01:05:33,333 Hi. I'm Tom. It's really good to meet you at last. 1463 01:05:33,375 --> 01:05:36,333 Yeah, listen, I just came to, uh... 1464 01:05:36,375 --> 01:05:38,542 DANIEL: I thought you might be on your own. 1465 01:05:38,583 --> 01:05:40,708 Huh. What an idiot. 1466 01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:45,042 Excuse me. 1467 01:05:52,500 --> 01:05:54,458 I've been going crazy. 1468 01:05:54,500 --> 01:05:56,542 I can't stop thinking about you... 1469 01:05:56,583 --> 01:05:59,667 and thinking what a fucking idiot I've been. 1470 01:05:59,708 --> 01:06:02,333 Christ, is that blue soup? 1471 01:06:02,375 --> 01:06:04,042 Yes. 1472 01:06:04,083 --> 01:06:06,042 That Sunday in the country... 1473 01:06:08,417 --> 01:06:10,292 Come outside. 1474 01:06:10,333 --> 01:06:11,708 [Distant siren] 1475 01:06:11,750 --> 01:06:14,625 It was all just going so fast-- 1476 01:06:14,667 --> 01:06:18,042 the hotel and that weekend, meeting your parents. 1477 01:06:18,083 --> 01:06:20,292 I just panicked. 1478 01:06:20,333 --> 01:06:21,958 You know me. I'm... 1479 01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:23,833 I'm a terrible disaster... 1480 01:06:23,875 --> 01:06:26,750 with a posh voice and a bad character. 1481 01:06:26,792 --> 01:06:28,333 You're the only one who can save me, Bridge. 1482 01:06:28,375 --> 01:06:30,417 I need you. Without you, twenty years from now... 1483 01:06:30,458 --> 01:06:34,917 I'll be in some seedy bar with some seedy blonde. 1484 01:06:34,917 --> 01:06:36,958 Well, what about Lara? 1485 01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:40,083 Oh, over, over. totally fucking finito. 1486 01:06:40,292 --> 01:06:41,875 Dumped me. 1487 01:06:41,917 --> 01:06:45,875 She realized that I hadn't got over you. 1488 01:06:45,917 --> 01:06:47,917 DANIEL: I know you're thinking... 1489 01:06:47,917 --> 01:06:50,917 it's just a sex thing, but I promise you... 1490 01:06:50,958 --> 01:06:53,875 whenever I see that skimpy little skirt on TV... 1491 01:06:53,917 --> 01:06:55,375 I just close my eyes and listen... 1492 01:06:55,417 --> 01:06:57,750 to all the intelligent things you've said. 1493 01:06:57,792 --> 01:07:00,792 I was thrilled that little Kurdish bloke was set free. 1494 01:07:02,458 --> 01:07:03,708 Bridge... 1495 01:07:04,958 --> 01:07:07,542 I missed you a lot. 1496 01:07:10,625 --> 01:07:11,583 Oh, God. 1497 01:07:11,625 --> 01:07:13,333 I'm going now. Bye. 1498 01:07:14,417 --> 01:07:15,917 Mark, stay. We-- 1499 01:07:15,917 --> 01:07:17,375 No, I don't think I will. 1500 01:07:17,417 --> 01:07:20,667 DANIEL: Well, listen, don't leave on my behalf. 1501 01:07:20,708 --> 01:07:25,875 I think it's time you and I put this past behind us. 1502 01:07:25,917 --> 01:07:27,417 DANIEL: At least stay for a birthday drink... 1503 01:07:27,458 --> 01:07:28,875 with me and Bridge, huh? 1504 01:07:28,917 --> 01:07:31,000 Good-bye, Bridget. 1505 01:07:32,833 --> 01:07:34,375 BRIDGET: Mark. 1506 01:07:40,042 --> 01:07:41,000 Why are you here? 1507 01:07:41,083 --> 01:07:43,500 Bridge... 1508 01:07:43,542 --> 01:07:46,042 I just told you why I'm here. 1509 01:07:46,083 --> 01:07:49,083 Why was Mark "Wanker" Darcy here? 1510 01:07:49,292 --> 01:07:52,000 Oh, bloody hell. Wait a minute. He's back. 1511 01:07:52,042 --> 01:07:53,458 All right, Cleaver, outside. 1512 01:07:53,500 --> 01:07:55,042 I'm sorry? 1513 01:07:55,083 --> 01:07:56,667 DANIEL: Outside? 1514 01:07:56,750 --> 01:08:00,500 Uh, should I bring my dueling pistols or my sword? 1515 01:08:03,917 --> 01:08:05,292 All right. Hang on. 1516 01:08:14,583 --> 01:08:15,958 I should've done this years ago. 1517 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:18,083 Done what? 1518 01:08:18,292 --> 01:08:19,292 This. 1519 01:08:19,292 --> 01:08:21,458 Ooh! Fuck! 1520 01:08:21,500 --> 01:08:23,375 Fuck me, that hurt! 1521 01:08:23,417 --> 01:08:25,292 Ahh! 1522 01:08:25,333 --> 01:08:26,542 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 1523 01:08:26,583 --> 01:08:27,917 -This. -Aah! 1524 01:08:27,958 --> 01:08:30,458 Aah! Oh, Christ, not again. 1525 01:08:30,458 --> 01:08:31,458 Uhh! 1526 01:08:31,500 --> 01:08:33,500 [Music playing] 1527 01:08:33,542 --> 01:08:34,667 Fight! 1528 01:08:34,708 --> 01:08:36,583 MAN: What? 1529 01:08:36,625 --> 01:08:38,583 Well, quick! 1530 01:08:38,625 --> 01:08:39,958 It's a real fight! 1531 01:08:39,958 --> 01:08:41,583 MAN: It's a fight! 1532 01:08:43,417 --> 01:08:44,750 DANIEL: All right, all right, all right. 1533 01:08:44,750 --> 01:08:46,042 I give up. I give up. 1534 01:08:46,083 --> 01:08:47,833 Just give me a moment, all right? Just... 1535 01:08:47,875 --> 01:08:51,917 Let me get a moment's break here, OK? 1536 01:08:51,958 --> 01:08:52,917 [Crowd yells] 1537 01:08:52,958 --> 01:08:54,875 Cheat! 1538 01:08:54,917 --> 01:08:56,500 TOM: Cheat! Cheat! 1539 01:08:56,583 --> 01:08:58,500 ["It's Raining Men" playing] 1540 01:09:04,625 --> 01:09:06,625 I should've knew it! 1541 01:09:12,292 --> 01:09:14,083 [Speaking native language] 1542 01:09:18,833 --> 01:09:20,667 Ow, ow, ow, ow! 1543 01:09:20,708 --> 01:09:22,000 Whose side are we on? 1544 01:09:22,042 --> 01:09:23,333 Mark's, obviously. 1545 01:09:23,375 --> 01:09:25,292 He's never dumped Bridget for some naked American. 1546 01:09:25,333 --> 01:09:27,333 And he said he liked her just the way she is. 1547 01:09:27,375 --> 01:09:29,083 Yeah, but he also shagged Daniel's fiancee... 1548 01:09:29,292 --> 01:09:30,083 and left him broken hearted. 1549 01:09:30,292 --> 01:09:32,625 Good point. It's a very hard one to call. 1550 01:09:32,667 --> 01:09:35,375 GERRI HALLIWELL SINGING: It's raining men 1551 01:09:35,417 --> 01:09:38,500 Hallelujah, it's raining men 1552 01:09:38,542 --> 01:09:39,917 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 1553 01:09:39,958 --> 01:09:41,458 TOM: Oh, yes! 1554 01:09:44,083 --> 01:09:45,583 Mark! 1555 01:09:45,625 --> 01:09:47,042 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, all right? 1556 01:09:47,083 --> 01:09:48,625 Ohh! Ohh! 1557 01:09:48,667 --> 01:09:50,625 Aah! 1558 01:09:50,667 --> 01:09:52,042 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 1559 01:09:52,083 --> 01:09:53,667 I really am sorry. 1560 01:09:53,708 --> 01:09:54,667 I--I will pay. 1561 01:09:54,708 --> 01:09:56,333 Had enough, Darcy? 1562 01:09:56,375 --> 01:09:58,958 Not quite, if that's all right by you. 1563 01:09:59,000 --> 01:10:01,375 DANIEL: Oh! You broke my bloody jaw! 1564 01:10:01,417 --> 01:10:04,667 Happy birthday to you 1565 01:10:04,708 --> 01:10:08,375 ALL SINGING: Happy birthday to you 1566 01:10:08,417 --> 01:10:12,917 Happy birthday, dear what's-his-name 1567 01:10:12,958 --> 01:10:17,958 Happy birthday to you 1568 01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:21,500 It's raining men 1569 01:10:21,583 --> 01:10:23,875 Hallelujah, it's raining men 1570 01:10:23,917 --> 01:10:26,500 -Uh... -Ohh... 1571 01:10:26,542 --> 01:10:27,875 -Uhh. -Uhh. 1572 01:10:31,292 --> 01:10:33,417 Jesus. 1573 01:10:33,458 --> 01:10:34,583 Uhh. 1574 01:10:39,375 --> 01:10:40,625 All right. 1575 01:10:40,667 --> 01:10:42,667 -All right? -Enough. 1576 01:10:42,750 --> 01:10:44,542 Enough. 1577 01:10:44,583 --> 01:10:45,583 Enough. 1578 01:10:45,625 --> 01:10:47,083 Wanker. 1579 01:10:50,083 --> 01:10:51,500 [All gasp] 1580 01:11:00,833 --> 01:11:02,708 What is your problem? 1581 01:11:02,750 --> 01:11:04,542 -My problem? -Yes. 1582 01:11:04,583 --> 01:11:08,417 You give the impression of being all moral and noble... 1583 01:11:08,458 --> 01:11:09,875 and normal... 1584 01:11:09,917 --> 01:11:11,917 and helpful in the kitchen... 1585 01:11:11,958 --> 01:11:14,083 but you're just as bad as the rest of them. 1586 01:11:14,292 --> 01:11:16,333 Well, I can see that I've been laboring... 1587 01:11:16,417 --> 01:11:18,917 under a misapprehension. 1588 01:11:18,958 --> 01:11:23,583 A very, very foolish mistake. Forgive me. 1589 01:11:37,792 --> 01:11:40,042 DANIEL: Uhh. 1590 01:11:43,750 --> 01:11:46,542 Let's go back upstairs. 1591 01:11:46,583 --> 01:11:48,042 Come on. 1592 01:11:50,958 --> 01:11:53,042 We belong together, Jones. 1593 01:11:54,500 --> 01:11:56,417 Me, you. 1594 01:11:57,625 --> 01:11:59,500 Poor little skirt. 1595 01:12:01,625 --> 01:12:03,667 Right. 1596 01:12:03,708 --> 01:12:07,625 If I can't make it with you... 1597 01:12:07,667 --> 01:12:10,458 I can't make it with anyone. 1598 01:12:12,792 --> 01:12:13,958 Um... 1599 01:12:19,958 --> 01:12:24,333 That's not a good enough offer for me. 1600 01:12:24,375 --> 01:12:26,292 I'm not willing to gamble my whole life... 1601 01:12:26,333 --> 01:12:28,000 on someone who's... 1602 01:12:28,042 --> 01:12:31,000 well, not quite sure. 1603 01:12:32,500 --> 01:12:34,458 It's like you said. 1604 01:12:34,500 --> 01:12:37,917 I'm still looking for something... 1605 01:12:37,958 --> 01:12:40,042 more extraordinary than that. 1606 01:12:59,375 --> 01:13:01,083 [Singing] Ding dong, merrily on high 1607 01:13:01,292 --> 01:13:03,333 BRIDGET: December 25. 1608 01:13:03,417 --> 01:13:06,458 Weight--140 pounds... 1609 01:13:06,500 --> 01:13:08,083 Plus forty-two mince pies. 1610 01:13:08,292 --> 01:13:11,542 Alcohol units-- 1611 01:13:11,583 --> 01:13:12,583 Oh, thousands. 1612 01:13:12,625 --> 01:13:14,375 Bugger off! 1613 01:13:14,417 --> 01:13:16,083 Come on, kids. 1614 01:13:17,917 --> 01:13:20,792 JULIAN: This baroque carriage clock... 1615 01:13:20,833 --> 01:13:23,417 is a particular festive favorite of mine... 1616 01:13:23,458 --> 01:13:26,417 incorporating the Hallelujah Chorus... 1617 01:13:26,458 --> 01:13:27,875 from Handel's "Messiah"... 1618 01:13:27,958 --> 01:13:30,667 every hour on the hour. 1619 01:13:30,708 --> 01:13:31,750 I don't understand it. 1620 01:13:31,792 --> 01:13:33,625 The man's actually turned red now. 1621 01:13:33,667 --> 01:13:35,583 Merry Christmas, Pamela. 1622 01:13:39,875 --> 01:13:41,542 [Turns off TV] 1623 01:13:41,583 --> 01:13:42,833 Well... 1624 01:13:42,875 --> 01:13:45,042 I'm going to Bedfordshire. 1625 01:13:52,083 --> 01:13:53,042 Night, night. 1626 01:13:53,083 --> 01:13:54,583 Night, night. 1627 01:13:54,625 --> 01:13:55,625 [Door closes] 1628 01:13:58,875 --> 01:14:00,833 [Clock chimes] 1629 01:14:08,625 --> 01:14:10,417 The thing is... 1630 01:14:11,542 --> 01:14:14,500 well, close up, he was almost purple. 1631 01:14:15,958 --> 01:14:19,542 You were such a lovely normal color. 1632 01:14:19,625 --> 01:14:23,458 He had a filthy temper. 1633 01:14:23,500 --> 01:14:25,750 And, well, the jewelry is fabulous... 1634 01:14:25,750 --> 01:14:28,708 and really very reasonably priced and... 1635 01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:33,000 I thought I might ask if... 1636 01:14:35,042 --> 01:14:37,000 we could have another go. 1637 01:14:38,583 --> 01:14:40,375 I mean, obviously, with some effort on your part... 1638 01:14:40,417 --> 01:14:42,500 to pay a bit more attention to me. 1639 01:14:42,542 --> 01:14:45,500 I do realize what I'm like sometimes. 1640 01:14:45,583 --> 01:14:46,792 It doesn't help that you and Bridget... 1641 01:14:46,833 --> 01:14:48,625 have your lovely grownup club of two... 1642 01:14:48,667 --> 01:14:50,000 and always saying... 1643 01:14:50,042 --> 01:14:52,500 "What's silly old Mummy gone and done this time?" 1644 01:14:52,542 --> 01:14:55,875 You used to be mad about me. 1645 01:14:55,917 --> 01:14:57,750 You couldn't get enough of me. 1646 01:15:01,667 --> 01:15:03,375 What do you think? 1647 01:15:03,417 --> 01:15:05,375 [Breathes deeply] 1648 01:15:06,792 --> 01:15:08,708 I don't know, Pam. 1649 01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:13,583 I just don't know now. 1650 01:15:15,917 --> 01:15:17,583 It's been very hard. 1651 01:15:17,625 --> 01:15:20,542 [Sobs] Oh, Colin. 1652 01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:24,417 [Sobs] 1653 01:15:24,417 --> 01:15:26,958 I'm joking, you daft cow. 1654 01:15:28,042 --> 01:15:29,000 Oh! 1655 01:15:29,042 --> 01:15:30,000 [Both laugh] 1656 01:15:31,583 --> 01:15:34,375 Pam, I just don't work without you. 1657 01:15:34,417 --> 01:15:36,292 [Both laugh] 1658 01:15:37,292 --> 01:15:39,833 Awful. [Laughs] 1659 01:15:39,875 --> 01:15:42,333 [Pam laughs] 1660 01:15:43,542 --> 01:15:46,500 Lovely, lovely, lovely. 1661 01:15:46,542 --> 01:15:48,708 Get back up those stairs, young lady. 1662 01:15:48,750 --> 01:15:49,958 Get dressed. 1663 01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:51,375 BRIDGET: What for? 1664 01:15:51,417 --> 01:15:53,375 The Darcys' ruby wedding party. 1665 01:15:53,417 --> 01:15:54,750 What for, indeed. 1666 01:15:54,792 --> 01:15:57,458 Mark will be there-- still divorced. 1667 01:15:57,500 --> 01:16:00,958 He's also still deranged. I'm not going. 1668 01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:03,875 Poor Mark. It's always a bad time of year for him. 1669 01:16:03,917 --> 01:16:06,000 You know, his Japanese wife left him on Christmas Day. 1670 01:16:06,083 --> 01:16:07,375 Cruel race. 1671 01:16:07,417 --> 01:16:08,625 BRIDGET: Yes, but I'm not quite sure... 1672 01:16:08,667 --> 01:16:10,750 he didn't deserve it, actually. 1673 01:16:10,792 --> 01:16:12,625 She ran off with his best friend from Cambridge. 1674 01:16:12,667 --> 01:16:15,042 Total scoundrel, apparently. 1675 01:16:15,083 --> 01:16:16,583 Best man at his wedding. 1676 01:16:16,625 --> 01:16:18,708 PAM: Christmas Eve, Mark comes home early from work... 1677 01:16:18,750 --> 01:16:21,917 finds the pair of them in a most unorthodox position-- 1678 01:16:21,958 --> 01:16:24,375 stark naked, a tit like rabbits. 1679 01:16:29,375 --> 01:16:31,667 Just give me five minutes. 1680 01:16:31,708 --> 01:16:32,833 SINGING: Ain't no mountain high enough 1681 01:16:32,875 --> 01:16:34,083 DIANA ROSS: Oh, ho 1682 01:16:34,292 --> 01:16:35,500 Ain't no valley low enough 1683 01:16:35,542 --> 01:16:36,750 Whoo 1684 01:16:36,792 --> 01:16:38,750 Ain't no river wide enough 1685 01:16:38,792 --> 01:16:41,750 Stop. Stop the car. Stop the car. 1686 01:16:41,792 --> 01:16:43,958 Dad, get out. Too slow! 1687 01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:45,042 Ain't no valley low enough 1688 01:16:45,083 --> 01:16:46,542 Say it again 1689 01:16:46,583 --> 01:16:47,833 Ain't no river wide enough 1690 01:16:47,875 --> 01:16:50,458 Hey, to keep me from you 1691 01:16:50,500 --> 01:16:52,333 Dad, get in. 1692 01:16:52,375 --> 01:16:53,500 -Hurry. -What's your hurry? 1693 01:16:55,583 --> 01:16:57,792 Not too fast. 1694 01:16:57,833 --> 01:17:00,958 Keep me from you 1695 01:17:07,083 --> 01:17:09,375 A bit snowy, isn't it? 1696 01:17:09,417 --> 01:17:10,917 Ain't no mountain high enough 1697 01:17:10,958 --> 01:17:12,375 Oh, ho 1698 01:17:12,375 --> 01:17:13,875 Ain't no valley low enough 1699 01:17:13,917 --> 01:17:15,333 Whoo 1700 01:17:15,375 --> 01:17:17,333 Ain't no river wide enough 1701 01:17:17,375 --> 01:17:19,625 To keep me from you 1702 01:17:19,667 --> 01:17:21,417 Ain't no mountain high enough 1703 01:17:21,458 --> 01:17:23,750 Ow, ain't no valley low enough 1704 01:17:23,792 --> 01:17:25,042 Say it again 1705 01:17:25,083 --> 01:17:26,458 Ain't no river wide enough 1706 01:17:26,500 --> 01:17:28,958 Hey, to keep me from you 1707 01:17:29,000 --> 01:17:31,292 Sorry. One moment. 1708 01:17:34,083 --> 01:17:35,458 Thank you for inviting me. 1709 01:17:35,500 --> 01:17:38,417 I didn't. It must've been my parents. 1710 01:17:42,958 --> 01:17:43,958 So... 1711 01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:46,042 So. 1712 01:17:47,583 --> 01:17:48,667 Hello, Bridget. 1713 01:17:48,708 --> 01:17:50,333 Didn't know you were coming. 1714 01:17:50,375 --> 01:17:54,333 NATASHA: Mark, your father wants to begin A.S.A.P. 1715 01:17:54,375 --> 01:17:55,875 Oh, does he? Right. 1716 01:17:55,917 --> 01:17:57,292 Well, uh... 1717 01:17:57,333 --> 01:17:59,458 Come on, Mark. Be helpful, please. 1718 01:17:59,500 --> 01:18:01,292 The caterers have totally screwed up. 1719 01:18:01,333 --> 01:18:02,750 Does nothing work outside of London? 1720 01:18:02,792 --> 01:18:04,542 Hmm? Apparently not. 1721 01:18:05,958 --> 01:18:07,542 Well, I'd better... 1722 01:18:09,458 --> 01:18:11,583 Listen, uh... 1723 01:18:11,625 --> 01:18:15,708 I owe you an apology about Daniel. 1724 01:18:17,458 --> 01:18:19,750 He said that you ran off with his fiancee... 1725 01:18:19,792 --> 01:18:22,417 and left him broken hearted, he said. 1726 01:18:22,458 --> 01:18:23,750 Ah. 1727 01:18:24,750 --> 01:18:25,958 No, it was the other way around. 1728 01:18:26,000 --> 01:18:29,500 It was my wife... 1729 01:18:30,750 --> 01:18:32,292 my heart. 1730 01:18:33,833 --> 01:18:35,875 Sorry. 1731 01:18:35,917 --> 01:18:39,625 That's why you always acted so strangely around him... 1732 01:18:39,667 --> 01:18:44,375 and beat him to a pulp, quite rightly. 1733 01:18:44,417 --> 01:18:45,708 Well done. 1734 01:18:46,750 --> 01:18:47,875 Well, um... 1735 01:18:47,917 --> 01:18:50,042 BRIDGET: Can we just, um... 1736 01:18:50,083 --> 01:18:52,750 pop out there... 1737 01:18:52,792 --> 01:18:54,333 for a moment? 1738 01:18:56,750 --> 01:18:58,667 MAN: Quite delightful, isn't it, my dear? 1739 01:19:00,583 --> 01:19:02,083 BRIDGET: OK. 1740 01:19:03,917 --> 01:19:07,792 BRIDGET: I just have something that I want to say. 1741 01:19:07,833 --> 01:19:09,375 Um... 1742 01:19:09,458 --> 01:19:11,667 You once said that you liked me just as I am... 1743 01:19:11,708 --> 01:19:16,625 and I just wanted to say... like wise. 1744 01:19:16,667 --> 01:19:18,625 I mean... 1745 01:19:18,667 --> 01:19:20,792 there are stupid things your mum buys you. 1746 01:19:20,833 --> 01:19:22,458 Tonight's another classic. 1747 01:19:22,500 --> 01:19:25,000 You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing... 1748 01:19:25,042 --> 01:19:26,708 in every situation. 1749 01:19:26,792 --> 01:19:29,958 And I seriously believe that you should... 1750 01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,042 rethink the length of your side burns. 1751 01:19:33,875 --> 01:19:36,542 But you're a nice man... 1752 01:19:36,583 --> 01:19:37,708 and... 1753 01:19:39,792 --> 01:19:41,333 I like you. 1754 01:19:44,500 --> 01:19:46,458 So if you wanted to pop by sometime... 1755 01:19:46,500 --> 01:19:47,875 that might be nice. 1756 01:19:51,417 --> 01:19:53,542 More than nice. 1757 01:19:55,792 --> 01:19:56,833 Right. 1758 01:19:58,792 --> 01:19:59,917 Crikey. 1759 01:20:01,042 --> 01:20:02,792 [Father taps glass with silverware] 1760 01:20:02,833 --> 01:20:04,708 FATHER: Ladies and gentlemen... 1761 01:20:04,750 --> 01:20:08,417 could I have your attention fora moment, please? 1762 01:20:08,458 --> 01:20:09,875 Excuse me. 1763 01:20:13,417 --> 01:20:14,833 Of course. 1764 01:20:14,875 --> 01:20:17,583 ...wife and companion Geraldine. 1765 01:20:17,625 --> 01:20:22,667 A toast to her, my--my wonderful wife Geraldine. 1766 01:20:22,708 --> 01:20:24,917 ALL: To Geraldine. 1767 01:20:24,917 --> 01:20:26,667 And we, in turn... 1768 01:20:26,708 --> 01:20:29,583 have been blessed with our son, Mark. 1769 01:20:29,625 --> 01:20:30,833 He's always made usproud... 1770 01:20:30,875 --> 01:20:33,542 and we couldn't be prouder of him... 1771 01:20:33,583 --> 01:20:34,667 than on this particular day... 1772 01:20:34,750 --> 01:20:37,375 because I'm thrilled to announce... 1773 01:20:37,417 --> 01:20:39,708 he has just been invited to be a senior partner... 1774 01:20:39,750 --> 01:20:41,833 in the firm of Abbott and Abbott in New York. 1775 01:20:41,875 --> 01:20:43,542 [Light applause] 1776 01:20:46,417 --> 01:20:47,917 FATHER: He also, incidentally... 1777 01:20:47,958 --> 01:20:50,042 takes with him his brilliant partner in law... 1778 01:20:50,083 --> 01:20:52,042 Natasha. 1779 01:20:52,083 --> 01:20:54,083 And, well,I don't think they'll mind... 1780 01:20:54,292 --> 01:20:55,875 since we're amongst friends... 1781 01:20:55,917 --> 01:21:00,500 if I say that someday this remarkably clever girl... 1782 01:21:00,542 --> 01:21:03,875 is going to be something-else-in-law as well. 1783 01:21:03,917 --> 01:21:07,708 ["Here Comes the Bride" plays] 1784 01:21:09,708 --> 01:21:11,500 I begged him not to say anything. 1785 01:21:11,542 --> 01:21:12,917 FATHER: So I ask you now... 1786 01:21:12,958 --> 01:21:15,042 to charge your glasses once again... 1787 01:21:15,083 --> 01:21:17,667 to Markandhis Natasha. 1788 01:21:17,750 --> 01:21:20,042 ALL: To Mark and his Natasha. 1789 01:21:20,083 --> 01:21:22,708 BRIDGET: No!No! 1790 01:21:26,792 --> 01:21:29,542 It's just that... 1791 01:21:29,542 --> 01:21:31,958 it's such a terrible pity... 1792 01:21:34,542 --> 01:21:37,833 f-for England... 1793 01:21:37,875 --> 01:21:39,625 to lose... 1794 01:21:39,667 --> 01:21:42,042 such a great legal brain. 1795 01:21:42,083 --> 01:21:44,083 -Is she pissed? -What? 1796 01:21:44,292 --> 01:21:47,333 F-for the people of England... 1797 01:21:48,958 --> 01:21:50,500 I like me and you... 1798 01:21:50,542 --> 01:21:54,708 to lose one of our top people. 1799 01:21:54,750 --> 01:21:55,792 Uh... 1800 01:21:56,792 --> 01:22:00,333 just top person, really. 1801 01:22:03,042 --> 01:22:04,583 WOMAN: Ahem. 1802 01:22:05,917 --> 01:22:08,792 Well...better dash. 1803 01:22:08,833 --> 01:22:12,292 BRIDGET: I've got another party to go to. 1804 01:22:12,292 --> 01:22:14,958 It's single people. 1805 01:22:15,000 --> 01:22:17,750 Mainly...poofs. 1806 01:22:21,083 --> 01:22:22,917 Bye. 1807 01:22:22,958 --> 01:22:24,917 [Crowd murmurs] 1808 01:22:37,708 --> 01:22:41,000 GABRIELLE SINGING: Knew the sight 1809 01:22:41,042 --> 01:22:43,583 Wasn't right 1810 01:22:43,583 --> 01:22:45,875 I was stupid 1811 01:22:45,917 --> 01:22:48,542 For a while 1812 01:22:48,583 --> 01:22:51,083 Swept away 1813 01:22:51,292 --> 01:22:54,042 By you 1814 01:22:54,083 --> 01:22:56,708 And now I feel 1815 01:22:56,750 --> 01:22:59,375 Like a fool 1816 01:23:01,042 --> 01:23:03,667 So confused 1817 01:23:03,708 --> 01:23:06,375 My heart's bruised 1818 01:23:06,417 --> 01:23:09,917 Was I ever loved by you? 1819 01:23:09,958 --> 01:23:12,417 Out of reach 1820 01:23:12,458 --> 01:23:15,333 So far 1821 01:23:15,375 --> 01:23:20,542 I never had your heart 1822 01:23:20,583 --> 01:23:23,042 Out of reach 1823 01:23:23,083 --> 01:23:25,667 Couldn't see 1824 01:23:25,708 --> 01:23:31,042 We were never meant to be 1825 01:23:31,083 --> 01:23:33,667 Catch myself 1826 01:23:33,708 --> 01:23:36,417 From the spell 1827 01:23:36,458 --> 01:23:41,583 I could drown if I stay here 1828 01:23:41,625 --> 01:23:43,708 Keepin' busy 1829 01:23:43,750 --> 01:23:44,875 Every day 1830 01:23:44,917 --> 01:23:46,917 [Doorbell buzzes] 1831 01:23:46,958 --> 01:23:50,542 I know I will be OK 1832 01:23:50,583 --> 01:23:51,542 Yes? 1833 01:23:51,583 --> 01:23:53,625 ALL: Hi, it's us! 1834 01:23:53,667 --> 01:23:56,000 Oh. 1835 01:23:56,042 --> 01:23:57,958 Great. Come on up. 1836 01:23:59,958 --> 01:24:02,000 Have we got the most fantastic surprise for you. 1837 01:24:02,083 --> 01:24:03,542 Oh, no. You're not going to sing. 1838 01:24:03,542 --> 01:24:05,917 Not that fantastic, sadly, no, but still pretty good. 1839 01:24:05,958 --> 01:24:07,625 We've decided we're taking you to Paris for the weekend. 1840 01:24:07,667 --> 01:24:10,583 Forget everything--particularly, forget about Mark Darcy. 1841 01:24:10,625 --> 01:24:12,750 I can't believe you said what you said you said. 1842 01:24:12,792 --> 01:24:14,083 I know. 1843 01:24:14,083 --> 01:24:16,542 There goes my invite to the Darcys' next year. 1844 01:24:16,583 --> 01:24:18,292 If he didn't leap over the family heirlooms... 1845 01:24:18,333 --> 01:24:19,750 and whip you up in his arms, then sod him. 1846 01:24:19,792 --> 01:24:24,375 Yes. He's clearly the most dreadful cold fish. 1847 01:24:24,417 --> 01:24:25,917 Exactly. 1848 01:24:25,958 --> 01:24:27,042 I mean, there's been all these bloody hints... 1849 01:24:27,083 --> 01:24:28,833 and stuff, but has he ever actually... 1850 01:24:28,875 --> 01:24:30,583 stuck his fucking tongue down your fucking throat? 1851 01:24:30,625 --> 01:24:32,667 No. Not once. 1852 01:24:32,708 --> 01:24:34,042 I think we should pack, shouldn't we? 1853 01:24:34,083 --> 01:24:35,667 Passport, Bridget. And pants. 1854 01:24:35,708 --> 01:24:37,083 Yep, pants. 1855 01:24:37,292 --> 01:24:38,500 Hurry up, Bridge! 1856 01:24:38,542 --> 01:24:40,375 We're freezing our bollocks off out here! 1857 01:24:40,417 --> 01:24:42,583 Yeah. Just the keys. 1858 01:24:43,625 --> 01:24:45,375 I'm stuck! Oh! 1859 01:24:49,333 --> 01:24:50,833 Come the fuck on, Bridget. 1860 01:24:52,500 --> 01:24:53,542 JUDE: Close the door. 1861 01:24:53,583 --> 01:24:54,875 MARK: Bridget? 1862 01:24:54,917 --> 01:24:56,875 TOM: Stop being so bossy. 1863 01:24:58,458 --> 01:25:00,500 What are you doing here? 1864 01:25:00,542 --> 01:25:02,708 I just wanted to know if you were available... 1865 01:25:02,708 --> 01:25:04,000 for barmitzvahs and christenings... 1866 01:25:04,042 --> 01:25:06,083 as well as ruby weddings. 1867 01:25:06,292 --> 01:25:07,708 Excellent speech. 1868 01:25:07,708 --> 01:25:09,792 I thought that you were in America. 1869 01:25:09,833 --> 01:25:13,333 Well, yes, I was, but, um... 1870 01:25:13,375 --> 01:25:15,875 I realized I'd forgotten something back home. 1871 01:25:17,083 --> 01:25:18,333 Which was? 1872 01:25:19,458 --> 01:25:23,292 Well, I realized I'd forgotten to, um... 1873 01:25:24,542 --> 01:25:25,875 kiss you good-bye. Do you mind? 1874 01:25:28,458 --> 01:25:29,583 Um.... 1875 01:25:29,625 --> 01:25:31,375 not really, no. 1876 01:25:34,875 --> 01:25:36,542 So... 1877 01:25:36,583 --> 01:25:39,333 you're not going to America, then? 1878 01:25:39,375 --> 01:25:40,875 -No. -No. 1879 01:25:40,917 --> 01:25:41,917 -Not. -Oh, oh. 1880 01:25:41,958 --> 01:25:44,042 You're staying here? 1881 01:25:44,083 --> 01:25:46,042 So it would seem. 1882 01:25:47,083 --> 01:25:49,542 ALL: Aah! 1883 01:25:49,583 --> 01:25:51,542 [Yelling, honking car horn] 1884 01:25:51,583 --> 01:25:52,667 SHAZZER: Go, Bridget! 1885 01:25:52,708 --> 01:25:53,667 Friends of yours? 1886 01:25:53,708 --> 01:25:55,500 [Laughs] 1887 01:25:55,542 --> 01:25:58,667 No. I've never seen them before in my life. 1888 01:25:58,708 --> 01:26:00,667 SHAZZER: Look, are you coming to fucking Paris or not? 1889 01:26:02,417 --> 01:26:03,375 Not. 1890 01:26:03,417 --> 01:26:05,500 -No fucking room anyway. -No. 1891 01:26:05,542 --> 01:26:07,875 Maybe we should just go upstairs for a minute. 1892 01:26:07,917 --> 01:26:10,000 Yes. Very good idea. 1893 01:26:10,042 --> 01:26:12,500 JUDE: No. Come on, let's go. No. 1894 01:26:12,542 --> 01:26:15,042 Of course she's not coming. 1895 01:26:15,083 --> 01:26:16,750 TOM: Close it down. 1896 01:26:20,500 --> 01:26:22,083 Uh... 1897 01:26:22,292 --> 01:26:23,708 give me just a minute. 1898 01:26:23,708 --> 01:26:26,458 Um...keep yourself busy. Read something. 1899 01:26:26,500 --> 01:26:29,458 Lots of very high-quality magazines... 1900 01:26:29,458 --> 01:26:33,417 with helpful fashion and romance tips. 1901 01:26:34,417 --> 01:26:36,875 I'll be right with you. 1902 01:26:41,000 --> 01:26:42,917 [Door closes] 1903 01:26:42,958 --> 01:26:48,292 Definitely an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers. 1904 01:27:18,375 --> 01:27:19,583 Right. 1905 01:27:24,583 --> 01:27:25,875 Right. 1906 01:27:25,875 --> 01:27:27,875 [Door closes] 1907 01:27:32,542 --> 01:27:33,542 Mark? 1908 01:27:33,542 --> 01:27:35,542 Mark? 1909 01:27:39,792 --> 01:27:41,708 Mark! 1910 01:27:41,708 --> 01:27:43,458 Mark! 1911 01:27:48,708 --> 01:27:49,667 Oh. 1912 01:27:51,833 --> 01:27:53,875 Oh, shit. 1913 01:28:00,292 --> 01:28:01,917 Double shit. 1914 01:28:11,583 --> 01:28:13,083 BRIDGET: Bollocks! 1915 01:28:13,292 --> 01:28:14,708 Oh, God. 1916 01:28:20,292 --> 01:28:22,833 BRIDGET: Ooh! Wish me luck! 1917 01:28:22,875 --> 01:28:25,333 Good luck, crazy girl! 1918 01:28:25,375 --> 01:28:26,708 Ain't no mountain high enough 1919 01:28:26,750 --> 01:28:28,708 -Oh, ho -Ain't no valley low enough 1920 01:28:28,708 --> 01:28:31,417 -Ooh -Ain't no river wide enough 1921 01:28:31,458 --> 01:28:34,667 -Oh -To keep me from you 1922 01:28:34,708 --> 01:28:36,542 Ain't no mountain high enough 1923 01:28:36,542 --> 01:28:38,708 Ow, ain't no valley low enough 1924 01:28:38,750 --> 01:28:40,708 Say it again, ain't no river wide enough 1925 01:28:40,708 --> 01:28:44,333 Hey, to keep me from you 1926 01:28:44,375 --> 01:28:48,375 Ain't no mountain high enough 1927 01:28:48,458 --> 01:28:50,417 Nothing can keep me 1928 01:28:50,458 --> 01:28:51,708 Mark? 1929 01:28:51,708 --> 01:28:53,583 Keep me from you 1930 01:28:56,083 --> 01:28:57,458 Mark! 1931 01:28:59,625 --> 01:29:01,750 Oh, damn. 1932 01:29:03,292 --> 01:29:04,583 Ain't no mountain high enough 1933 01:29:04,625 --> 01:29:07,042 No, ain't no valley low enough 1934 01:29:07,292 --> 01:29:09,750 I am so sorry. 1935 01:29:09,792 --> 01:29:11,083 I'm so sorry. 1936 01:29:11,292 --> 01:29:12,958 I didn't mean it. 1937 01:29:13,000 --> 01:29:14,583 I mean, I meant it... 1938 01:29:14,625 --> 01:29:19,750 but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant. 1939 01:29:22,958 --> 01:29:25,375 Oh, for Christ's sakes. 1940 01:29:28,042 --> 01:29:30,042 It's only a diary. 1941 01:29:31,458 --> 01:29:34,750 Everyone knows diaries are just full of crap. 1942 01:29:38,417 --> 01:29:39,917 I know that. 1943 01:29:39,958 --> 01:29:42,292 I was just buying you a new one. 1944 01:29:42,333 --> 01:29:43,833 Time to make a new start, perhaps. 1945 01:30:01,458 --> 01:30:02,583 VAN MORRISON SINGING: I've been searchin' a long time 1946 01:30:02,625 --> 01:30:04,625 [Laughs] 1947 01:30:05,917 --> 01:30:10,333 For someone exactly like you 1948 01:30:13,875 --> 01:30:17,833 I've been traveling all around the world 1949 01:30:20,583 --> 01:30:22,417 Waitin' for you 1950 01:30:22,458 --> 01:30:23,708 To come through 1951 01:30:25,500 --> 01:30:28,625 Someone like you 1952 01:30:28,667 --> 01:30:29,625 Will make it all worth while 1953 01:30:29,667 --> 01:30:31,042 Wait a minute. 1954 01:30:32,083 --> 01:30:34,708 Nice boys don't kiss like that. 1955 01:30:34,750 --> 01:30:36,292 Oh, yes, they fucking do. 1956 01:30:36,333 --> 01:30:37,667 VAN MORRISON SINGING: Keep me satisfied 1957 01:30:37,708 --> 01:30:41,542 Someone exactly like you 1958 01:30:45,042 --> 01:30:48,042 Someone exactly like you 1959 01:30:51,875 --> 01:30:55,500 Someone exactly like you 1960 01:30:59,917 --> 01:31:02,375 The best is yet to come 1961 01:31:05,542 --> 01:31:08,542 The best is yet to come 1962 01:31:13,375 --> 01:31:15,333 [New song begins] 1963 01:31:22,875 --> 01:31:26,458 ROBBIE WILLIAMS SINGING: Have you met Miss Jones? 1964 01:31:26,500 --> 01:31:30,042 Someone said as we shook hands 1965 01:31:30,083 --> 01:31:33,958 She was just Miss Jones 1966 01:31:34,000 --> 01:31:36,708 To me 1967 01:31:38,542 --> 01:31:41,500 And now I've met Miss Jones 1968 01:31:42,792 --> 01:31:45,542 And we'll keep on meeting 1969 01:31:45,542 --> 01:31:48,542 Till we're done 1970 01:31:48,542 --> 01:31:50,917 Miss Jones and I 1971 01:31:53,375 --> 01:31:54,708 Whoa, fellas 1972 01:32:23,542 --> 01:32:25,667 And all at once 1973 01:32:25,750 --> 01:32:27,583 I lost my breath 1974 01:32:27,625 --> 01:32:29,667 And all at once 1975 01:32:29,708 --> 01:32:31,667 Was scared to death 1976 01:32:31,708 --> 01:32:33,458 And all at once 1977 01:32:33,500 --> 01:32:36,583 I owned the earth 1978 01:32:36,625 --> 01:32:38,792 And sky 1979 01:32:40,875 --> 01:32:44,958 Now I've met Miss Jones 1980 01:32:45,000 --> 01:32:48,083 And we'll keep on meeting 1981 01:32:48,292 --> 01:32:51,292 Till we're done 1982 01:32:51,333 --> 01:32:53,708 Miss Jones and I 1983 01:32:55,333 --> 01:32:57,667 Miss Jones and I 1984 01:32:59,083 --> 01:33:06,833 Miss Jones and I 1985 01:33:10,583 --> 01:33:12,333 How! 1986 01:33:12,375 --> 01:33:15,750 SHELBY LYNNE SINGING:I didn't mean to hurt your feelings 1987 01:33:15,792 --> 01:33:18,042 It was so careless of me 1988 01:33:20,000 --> 01:33:23,333 I guess I've gone and done it 1989 01:33:23,375 --> 01:33:25,583 It's just a matter of time 1990 01:33:27,000 --> 01:33:28,750 Nothing I can do 1991 01:33:28,792 --> 01:33:31,042 But tell you I'm sorry 1992 01:33:31,042 --> 01:33:38,083 And that's the hardest part of all 1993 01:33:38,292 --> 01:33:45,833 'Cause your love's the killin' kind 1994 01:33:45,875 --> 01:33:53,833 Your love's the killin' kind 1995 01:33:53,875 --> 01:33:56,000 Yeah 1996 01:33:56,042 --> 01:33:58,583 I'd rather walk on glass 1997 01:33:58,625 --> 01:34:03,792 Than see tear drops in your eyes 1998 01:34:03,833 --> 01:34:06,083 And I'd fall to pieces 1999 01:34:06,292 --> 01:34:08,000 Just to hold you 2000 01:34:08,042 --> 01:34:10,667 The best thing in my life 2001 01:34:10,708 --> 01:34:14,833 And it's just luck I get to love you 2002 01:34:14,875 --> 01:34:18,500 You're the one thing that's right 2003 01:34:18,542 --> 01:34:22,500 You're the light in my hell's darkness 2004 01:34:22,542 --> 01:34:30,000 'Cause your love's the killin' kind 2005 01:34:30,042 --> 01:34:37,917 Your love's the killin' kind 2006 01:34:37,958 --> 01:34:39,667 Oh, yeah 2007 01:34:41,458 --> 01:34:43,500 I just might cry now 2008 01:34:43,542 --> 01:34:45,000 Lie 2009 01:34:45,042 --> 01:34:47,292 Lay down and die now 2010 01:34:48,750 --> 01:34:50,958 You've done it to me 2011 01:34:52,458 --> 01:34:56,833 You're puttin' me under 2012 01:34:56,875 --> 01:34:59,333 I close my eyes at night 2013 01:34:59,375 --> 01:35:01,583 Sittin' under sky 2014 01:35:01,583 --> 01:35:04,750 I love you and all is pleasures 2015 01:35:04,792 --> 01:35:06,583 Baby, feels so right 2016 01:35:06,625 --> 01:35:11,583 My arms won't be of any use at all 2017 01:35:11,625 --> 01:35:15,958 If I can't hold you 2018 01:35:16,000 --> 01:35:23,708 'Cause your love's the killin' kind 2019 01:35:23,708 --> 01:35:27,667 Your love's the killin' kind 2020 01:35:27,708 --> 01:35:29,708 [New song begins] 2021 01:35:36,083 --> 01:35:39,833 ROBBIE WILLIAMS: Not of this earth 2022 01:35:41,625 --> 01:35:44,958 You've changed places with the sun 2023 01:35:47,583 --> 01:35:50,375 I know that you're the one 2024 01:35:52,792 --> 01:35:55,458 I love what we've become 2025 01:35:57,750 --> 01:36:01,875 Not of this earth 2026 01:36:03,375 --> 01:36:06,583 Not surprised we're unashamed 2027 01:36:08,625 --> 01:36:11,792 She's gonna have to change her name 2028 01:36:14,333 --> 01:36:16,833 Then we'll know they'll be the same 2029 01:36:19,375 --> 01:36:23,750 She's not of this earth 2030 01:36:23,792 --> 01:36:29,500 And I believe we've seen the worst 2031 01:36:29,542 --> 01:36:33,375 If I ever leave this world 2032 01:36:34,875 --> 01:36:36,958 You will have a song to sing 2033 01:36:37,000 --> 01:36:40,500 So you know what you're worth 2034 01:36:41,500 --> 01:36:51,500 anoXmous https://thepiratebay.se/user/Zen_Bud/ 2034 01:36:52,305 --> 01:36:58,278 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org