1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:44,060 --> 00:00:46,900 Ally, can we get a recap? You remember the Kowolskis. 3 00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:50,020 They've owned this shop for 30 years, and they are attempting to set a record... 4 00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:53,700 by making Buffalo's largest cookie, and you have to wear this. 5 00:00:53,780 --> 00:00:55,620 A hair net? Health department. 6 00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:57,940 You're kidding me. If you're around the cookie, you have to have it on. 7 00:00:58,020 --> 00:01:01,620 It's the law. I just did the hair. The hair is perfect. 8 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:04,180 All right. Give it to me. 9 00:01:05,780 --> 00:01:09,620 God, why do you hate me? We're rolling. 10 00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:11,780 And speed. 11 00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:14,621 For three decades, the Kowolski family bakery... 12 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,340 has been a mainstay in downtown Buffalo... 13 00:01:17,420 --> 00:01:21,340 known for their sinfully sweet, cream-filled Polski pierogis... 14 00:01:21,420 --> 00:01:24,980 and the occasional sugar-induced coma that follows. 15 00:01:25,060 --> 00:01:27,900 But today, in honor of their 30th anniversary, 16 00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:32,140 they've invited us to ride along as they go for the record... 17 00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:35,220 on Buffalo's biggest cookie. 18 00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:40,860 Vol. Vol. You need a tissue or something? 19 00:01:40,940 --> 00:01:43,460 Can we get Vol a tissue or a spoon? 20 00:01:43,580 --> 00:01:46,780 It's a good thing we're wearing these today, 'cause I wouldn't want any stray hairs... 21 00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:48,700 to fall into the booger. 22 00:01:48,780 --> 00:01:51,500 Are we gonna do this again? No. We can cut to B-roll. 23 00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:56,940 - Moving on! - So tell me, Mama. Why make Buffalo's biggest cookie? 24 00:01:57,020 --> 00:02:00,540 Well, man from health department... 25 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:05,740 say he find rat pellet in our pastry, but I say, "No. 26 00:02:05,820 --> 00:02:11,380 Is big chocolate sprinkle." But he shut store down. 27 00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:15,500 So we clean up, make big cookie... 28 00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:19,260 for to bring customers back. 29 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:23,020 Well, I admire your candor. Let's try that again, shall we? 30 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:27,700 So tell me, Mama. Why make Buffalo's biggest cookie? 31 00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:32,140 So the children of the neighborhood will be happy? 32 00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:36,820 That's right. It must be wonderful seeing the smiles on their little faces. 33 00:02:36,860 --> 00:02:39,780 I work in back. I see no smiles. 34 00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:44,500 The previous Buffalo record was eight feet, seven inches, 35 00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:46,420 baked by Gladys Pelsnick. 36 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,420 If this cookie beats Gladys's, it will prove once and for all... 37 00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:51,740 that the Kowolskis have much more free time. 38 00:02:51,820 --> 00:02:55,380 And the cookie is 10 feet, four inches. 39 00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:58,060 We have a new record! 40 00:02:58,140 --> 00:03:01,620 Cue the cheesy inspirational music! 41 00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:20,700 But what are we really looking at here? 42 00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:25,620 Is it just a big cookie, or does this cookie represent the pride of Buffalo, 43 00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:29,300 its dedicated and hardworking citizens the key ingredient... 44 00:03:29,380 --> 00:03:32,020 with a few nuts thrown in... 45 00:03:32,060 --> 00:03:34,380 and, finally, the love of our families, 46 00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:36,740 which provides the warm, chewy center, 47 00:03:36,820 --> 00:03:41,020 making our beloved Buffalo the sweetest place to live. 48 00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:43,980 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. 49 00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:48,780 I'm Bruce Nolan, Eyewitness News. And cut it. 50 00:03:48,860 --> 00:03:51,900 What do you think? 51 00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:54,820 I think it's really good. It sucks. 52 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:56,660 It's a story about a cookie. 53 00:03:56,740 --> 00:03:58,980 The Pillsbury Doughboy will be riveted. Ohh. 54 00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:02,100 Honey, it was funny. It made me laugh. 55 00:04:02,140 --> 00:04:04,340 There's nothing wrong with makin' people laugh. 56 00:04:04,380 --> 00:04:06,380 I'll never be an anchorman, not with this. 57 00:04:06,460 --> 00:04:10,020 The job's right there, but I can't reach it, because every time they make me do this stuff, 58 00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:12,820 I have to act like a total goof in order to make it work. 59 00:04:12,860 --> 00:04:16,180 I have no credibility. Not good. Not good. 60 00:04:16,260 --> 00:04:18,580 You know what? Now you're just sounding silly. Know what? Forget it. 61 00:04:18,620 --> 00:04:20,740 It's not important, right? It's not important. 62 00:04:20,820 --> 00:04:22,900 - Let's watch it one more time. - Oh, no. 63 00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:27,660 - Just once more. Please? - No. No. Bruce, you promised you would help with this album. 64 00:04:27,740 --> 00:04:30,940 Now, you get your goofy butt over here. 65 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,460 Uh-uh. 66 00:04:35,220 --> 00:04:37,740 Okay. 67 00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:41,220 Okay. Okay. Now, you just go through this stack, 68 00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:44,300 and you pick your favorites. 69 00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,980 Oh, come on. This is fun. Right? Isn't this fun? 70 00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:52,340 This is nice. 71 00:04:52,420 --> 00:04:54,300 Evan's gonna get that anchor job; I just know it. 72 00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:56,220 Ah, Bruce! He's the favorite. 73 00:04:56,340 --> 00:04:58,380 All right. You know what? Just forget it. Let's just forget it. 74 00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:02,780 This is just our life. We can always just have some kid do it for us. 75 00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:07,900 Whoa! Hold the phone! I like this one. Our weekend at the lake. 76 00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:10,180 How did you get that? That's supposed to be in our private stash. 77 00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:13,540 You look perky, hon. It must've been cold. All right. Just give it to me. 78 00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:16,540 I think I'll put this on my computer and use it as wallpaper. No, no, no. 79 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,740 Okay. Give it to me. Come on! No, no, no. 80 00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:22,420 All right. Fine. Do with it what you will. I don't care. 81 00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:25,780 - I will do with it what I will. - Jesus. 82 00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:29,380 You know, I might even send this in to Playboy. 83 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:33,140 I hear their layouts can be quite tasteful. Give that to me right now! 84 00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:35,100 - Jesus. - Right now! - Ow! Rough stuff! 85 00:05:35,180 --> 00:05:37,140 I'm gonna hurt you... 86 00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:43,220 Sweetie? Time to get up. 87 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,020 Uh-uh. 88 00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:50,100 Good dream. No. Uh-uh. No. 89 00:05:57,260 --> 00:05:59,660 Well, the Buffalo Sabres lost again last night... 90 00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:01,620 at the hands of the Toronto Maple Leafs. 91 00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:04,740 It was a shootout on the ice for our hometown... Of course. They're my team. 92 00:06:04,820 --> 00:06:08,020 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. You know, I think there might be something... 93 00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:09,980 to this cookie line. 94 00:06:10,060 --> 00:06:12,780 All the greatest anchors have had their own signature sign-off, 95 00:06:12,860 --> 00:06:16,540 like Wal-ter Cron-kite. 96 00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:21,900 And that's the way it was. That's the way the cookie crumbles. 97 00:06:21,980 --> 00:06:25,500 And that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it, 98 00:06:25,580 --> 00:06:28,100 uh-huh, uh-huh. 99 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:30,740 Oh, no. Grace, the dog! 100 00:06:30,860 --> 00:06:34,020 I'm in the shower! 101 00:06:34,140 --> 00:06:38,620 No, Sam! Bad dog! 102 00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:41,060 Inside, bad. Outside, good. 103 00:06:41,140 --> 00:06:43,300 Inside, bad. Outside, good. 104 00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:48,340 Oh, you're done now. 105 00:06:48,420 --> 00:06:50,580 Great. 106 00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:54,060 B-E-A-utiful. 107 00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:57,740 Come on. Let's go back inside and have a shit. 108 00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:06,060 - What is the deal-io? - We are having a blood drive. 109 00:07:06,140 --> 00:07:08,020 Creepy. Needles. Yuck. 110 00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:11,180 Well, they need my blood. I have a very rare blood type. 111 00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:13,380 I'm A.B. - Positive. Really? 112 00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:15,380 Mm-hmm. I'm I.B. - Positive. 113 00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:18,820 I be positive they ain't touchin' me with no needle. It's just so... 114 00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:22,460 Helpful and lifesaving? No. It's your blood. It's blood. 115 00:07:22,540 --> 00:07:25,180 Blood's supposed to stay inside the body. That's where it's meant to be. 116 00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:27,860 Besides, they stockpile this stuff in a warehouse somewhere. 117 00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:30,380 It's all frozen on ice, and they tell everybody there's a shortage. 118 00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:32,980 That's just not true. Where did you hear that? 119 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,260 From a very reliable friend of a friend of a girl... 120 00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:38,460 whose sister's going out with someone very high up in the government. 121 00:07:38,580 --> 00:07:42,380 But for your own protection, I cannot discuss it at this time. Now, get out before they see us. 122 00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,820 Oh, no. 123 00:07:46,140 --> 00:07:49,780 Oh. Here. Hold on a second. You need these more than I do. 124 00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:52,140 What is these? Prayer beads. 125 00:07:52,220 --> 00:07:55,980 The kids made 'em for me. They will keep you safe. 126 00:07:56,060 --> 00:08:01,300 I hope they're powerful. I'm gonna need a friggin' miracle to get to work on time. 127 00:08:11,060 --> 00:08:14,660 This isn't happening. Not now. Not during sweeps week. 128 00:08:14,740 --> 00:08:17,780 Not during sweeps week! 129 00:08:17,820 --> 00:08:20,540 Oh, God. 130 00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:23,820 Yeah. Yeah. Meeting's started without me. 131 00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:26,780 This is my luck. This is my luck! 132 00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:31,420 Shit. 133 00:08:32,460 --> 00:08:35,460 Oh, come on. Come on. Come on. Come on! 134 00:08:38,420 --> 00:08:42,900 Jesus. Get out of there! 135 00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:50,460 "REwe Blind." No, but I'm late. 136 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:54,020 Is your child in dire jeopardy? 137 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,820 - Find out tonight after the game. - Okay. Promos are approved. 138 00:08:57,900 --> 00:09:01,500 Uh, Jack, shouldn't we be focusing on Pete's retirement? Now, let's... 139 00:09:01,580 --> 00:09:04,940 - I mean, this is his last week. - Yeah, Jack. Any word on the open anchor position? 140 00:09:05,020 --> 00:09:08,220 Evan, when I know something, you'll know something. 141 00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:12,380 Sorry I'm late. Traffic was... 142 00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:15,380 Did you guys already play the spots? It's a nice story, Bruce, 143 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:19,340 but we're gonna go with Evan's piece... sex scandal in the mayor's office... for sweeps. 144 00:09:19,460 --> 00:09:24,580 Oh, yeah. Sweeps. 145 00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:27,380 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. 146 00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:30,860 I'm just messing with you, Bruce. 147 00:09:30,940 --> 00:09:34,060 See, you just gotta remember that the newsroom... 148 00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:37,300 is like a big cookie. 149 00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:40,940 Do you like jazz, Evan? Yeah. 150 00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:44,220 Let me play something for ya. 151 00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:52,100 I can hold that note all day, buddy. Knock it off, guys. 152 00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:55,860 Bruce, we're gonna keep your story in reserve. Now, can we get back to the board... 153 00:09:55,940 --> 00:09:58,820 so we'll have something to put on the air today? 154 00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:01,940 Great choice, Jack. This is the Cadillac of bolognas. 155 00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:04,460 Okay. Thanks. Jack, can I talk to you a second? 156 00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:07,700 Yeah. Sure, Bruce. What do you need? Sweeps. 157 00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:09,700 Bruce. Jack. Jack! Hear me out here. 158 00:10:09,780 --> 00:10:13,260 I'm startin' to get desperate, man. I'm pushin' 40, and what have I got to show for it? 159 00:10:13,340 --> 00:10:17,420 I've hit some kind of a ceiling here. There's an anti-Bruce barrier I can't get past. 160 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:20,060 And Evan is lovin' it, by the way. 161 00:10:20,180 --> 00:10:24,220 Lovin' it. He gets the stories. He gets on sweeps. Maybe I should be more like Evan. 162 00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:27,140 You don't wanna be like Evan. Evan's an asshole. 163 00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:29,820 I can be an asshole. No, Bruce. You can't. 164 00:10:34,140 --> 00:10:36,620 You gonna pick that up? Yeah. I'm sorry. It's... 165 00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:40,780 I'm losin' it. It's just this whole anchor thing opening up has got me nuts. 166 00:10:40,860 --> 00:10:44,540 Hi, Susan. Hi, Susan. Hi, Jack. 167 00:10:44,620 --> 00:10:47,500 Look, Bruce. You're a good reporter. You make people laugh. 168 00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:54,980 All right. I'll tell you what. Today is the 156th anniversary of the Maid of the Mist. 169 00:10:55,060 --> 00:10:57,780 I want you at Niagara Falls in an hour. Maid of the Mist? 170 00:10:57,820 --> 00:11:00,660 That's always live. Mm-hmm. 171 00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:04,980 But Evan always does live feeds. Now you and Evan get the live feeds. 172 00:11:05,020 --> 00:11:08,100 I'm going live? During sweeps? Mm-hmm. But watch your step. 173 00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:12,180 I've seen your outtakes. Jack, you will not regret this. 174 00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:16,740 And I won't forget you when I go national. Uh, can you... 175 00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:21,100 Thanks, pal. Can I have your wish now? 176 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,540 I'm gonna put it in the wish jar. Thank you. 177 00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:26,020 - Okay. Put your wish in there. - Me too. 178 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:29,420 Put your wish in there. Look at that. Looks like a big wish. 179 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:32,580 Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Martin, don't... don't eat that. Don't eat that. 180 00:11:32,660 --> 00:11:36,540 Don't put that in your mouth. That's paste, honey. Ooh. 181 00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:40,460 - That must've tasted awful. - Mommy! 182 00:11:40,540 --> 00:11:44,220 Oh, Zoe-Baboey! Did you have a good time with Aunt Crazy today? 183 00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:47,860 Mm-hmm. Yeah? See how nice this is? Baby on the hip? 184 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:52,380 Oh, it's amazing. You've become Mom. The transformation is complete. 185 00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:54,780 Oh. I'll get it. 186 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:57,780 - Small Wonders Day Care. - Grace? - No. It's Debbie, 187 00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,740 the sister whose life you're not wasting. 188 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,860 Oh, all right. Okay, okay, okay. Bye, Debbie! 189 00:12:01,940 --> 00:12:03,940 Oops. Hi. Hi. Sorry. 190 00:12:04,020 --> 00:12:06,980 Debbie forgot to take her meds today. Where are ya? 191 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:12,500 Oh, a little place called the winner's circle. I'm at the falls doing a live report. 192 00:12:12,580 --> 00:12:16,700 - Live? That's great! - Yeah! It's happening, hon. I got sweeps, and I'm live. 193 00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:19,020 You know what that means? They're seein' if I can think on my feet, 194 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:21,860 you know, like I might have to do in a live news anchor situation. 195 00:12:21,940 --> 00:12:26,020 - Oh, my gosh. - Yeah. It's what we've always talked about, Grace. 196 00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:28,620 - Jack practically came out and told me. - Practically? 197 00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:31,500 Well, he didn't spell it out, but legally, he can't. 198 00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:35,980 But this is exactly what happened to Susan Ortega just before they bumped her up. 199 00:12:36,020 --> 00:12:38,060 It's good. It's good. It's good. 200 00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:42,100 Okay. Well, honey, I just don't... I don't want you to get too ahead of yourself. 201 00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:44,420 Bruce? Oh, I gotta go. They're callin' me in. 202 00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:46,420 Oh. Okay, honey. Good luck. I love you. 203 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,740 Love, love, love, love, love. 204 00:12:48,820 --> 00:12:50,740 Let's do it. 205 00:12:50,940 --> 00:12:53,940 They want you close to the falls. Really? 206 00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:57,340 - I'm gonna get soaked. - That's the point. They want you to put this on. 207 00:12:57,460 --> 00:13:00,300 Part of the condition of us getting the exclusive. 208 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:04,140 You know what? Nothin' can bother me today. Nothin'. 209 00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:08,020 Okay. Now, remember. It's their 156th-year anniversary. Mm-hmm. 210 00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,300 149 capacity. Right. 211 00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:13,740 They cater to tourists, honeymooners... And people insanely thirsty. 212 00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:17,380 I get it. Okay. And you are gonna be interviewing Irene Dansfield. 213 00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:20,300 Irene! Pleasure to meet you. Truly. 214 00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:23,340 You look beautiful. Irene's mother rode on the maiden voyage. 215 00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:25,540 Wow. Rub that in my face, why don't ya? Ninety seconds! 216 00:13:25,620 --> 00:13:29,420 Ninety seconds? Holy hell. Uh, yeah. Okay. Ninety seconds? Whoo. 217 00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:34,020 Because of the fast response, the toxic chemicals were cleaned up without incident. 218 00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:38,100 - Susan? - Bruce Nolan is standing by at Niagara Falls, 219 00:13:38,180 --> 00:13:40,580 but before we go live to Bruce, we have an announcement to make. 220 00:13:40,660 --> 00:13:43,420 As everyone knows, after 33 years, 221 00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:46,100 our beloved Pete Fineman is retiring. 222 00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:49,980 Pete's shoes are virtually impossible to fill, 223 00:13:50,060 --> 00:13:53,220 But the show must go on, and we could think of no one better... 224 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:56,580 than our very own Evan Baxter. 225 00:13:56,660 --> 00:14:00,020 Ohh... Oh, boy. 226 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,980 - Congratulations, Evan. - Thanks, Susan. I'm thrilled and honored. 227 00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:07,580 And as you said, no one can replace the great Pete Fineman, but I will do my best. 228 00:14:07,660 --> 00:14:12,180 I have to say, I am so proud to be a part of our local community of Buffalo, 229 00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:17,180 and I think, in a lot of ways, a great city is like a great recipe, really. 230 00:14:17,260 --> 00:14:20,660 You take hardworking citizens, add some caregivers, 231 00:14:20,740 --> 00:14:23,780 maybe a few nuts, 232 00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:29,220 All sprinkled with the love and support of good families. 233 00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:33,100 Ultimately, that makes one sweet place to live. 234 00:14:33,180 --> 00:14:35,100 - That was amazing. - I meant it. 235 00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:37,700 - I wish I'd written something. - And now let's go live... 236 00:14:37,780 --> 00:14:40,300 to that wacky Bruce Nolan out at Niagara Falls. 237 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,060 Hey! Wacky Bruce! 238 00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:47,780 Bruce? Talk, Bruce. Hello? 239 00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:50,300 - Talk, honey. Talk. - What's going on? 240 00:14:50,380 --> 00:14:53,660 - We got a Walt Disney. - He's frozen solid. - We may not have audio. Check. 241 00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:56,740 - We may be having a bit of technical difficulty. - Feed's good, Jack. 242 00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:59,580 Move. Come on. Come on. Come on. Talk, Bruce, damn it! 243 00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:02,740 - All right. Get ready to pull the plug. - Come on, baby. Say something. 244 00:15:02,780 --> 00:15:06,100 - Say something. - Bruce, talk. 245 00:15:08,220 --> 00:15:10,620 - Hi, Susan. - Oh, thank you, God. 246 00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:15,580 Bruce Nolan here aboard the Maid of the Mist in fabulous Niagara Falls. 247 00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:20,300 First off, let me just add another congratulations to Evan Backstabber... 248 00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:24,900 Pardon me. Bastard. Baxter, rather. It is good to see what someone with talent can do... 249 00:15:24,980 --> 00:15:29,820 when great opportunities are given to them instead of me. 250 00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:32,700 Anyway, I'm here with Katharine Hepburn's mom. 251 00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:37,380 Tell me. Why did you throw the blue Heart of the Ocean jewel over the railing of the Titanic? 252 00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:42,980 Did you feel bad at all letting Leo DiCaprio drown while you were safe, floating on the door? 253 00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:47,900 Could you have taken turns, or were you just too afraid to freeze your big, fat ass off? 254 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:50,260 Hmm. I guess that's how life is, isn't it? 255 00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:53,740 Some people are drenched, freezing to death on a stupid boat... 256 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:58,420 with a stupid hat, while others are in a comfy news studio, suckin' up all the glory. 257 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:01,220 - Oh, well. No big deal. - Oh, boy. 258 00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,980 Oh, look. It's the owner of the Maid of the Mist. 259 00:16:04,020 --> 00:16:06,260 Let's have a talk with him, shall we? Come on in here, Bill. That's all right. 260 00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:08,220 No, no, no, no. No, no. Come on. Let's have a talk. 261 00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:10,300 Come on. What are you doing? 262 00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:13,380 Bill, you've been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years now. Tell me. 263 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,900 Why do you think I didn't get the anchor job? Hey, man. I don't want problems. 264 00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:19,540 Is it my hair, Bill? Are my teeth not white enough? 265 00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:23,820 Or like the great falls, is the bedrock of my life... 266 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,420 eroding beneath me? 267 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:31,420 Eroding! Eroding! Eroding! 268 00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:34,220 Cut the feed. Go to black. 269 00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:36,980 Go to black. I'm on it. 270 00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:40,820 I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News. Back to you, fuckers! 271 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:44,100 Oh, boy. - Oh, my God. 272 00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:53,460 That is perfect. That is the motivation that I needed! 273 00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:56,740 Right there! Thank you. 274 00:16:56,820 --> 00:17:00,060 Thank you, W.K.B. W! 275 00:17:00,140 --> 00:17:03,060 Wimpy Kitty Baby Whiners! 276 00:17:03,140 --> 00:17:06,020 That's what that stands for! 277 00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:11,460 I'll see you on Channel 5, where they do the real news. 278 00:17:11,540 --> 00:17:14,900 Do I look blind to you? Do I look blind to you? 279 00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:19,900 - Hey. - Let's go, man. Come on. Let's go. 280 00:17:19,980 --> 00:17:24,660 What are you doing over there? Come on. Leave the poor guy alone. 281 00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:27,580 You okay, man? 282 00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:30,740 Yeah, you'd better keep walkin'. 283 00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:32,660 What? What'd you say, ese? 284 00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:37,980 Run, man! Run! Oh, God! 285 00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:44,780 Okay, okay, okay! I didn't mean it! I was just kiddin'! 286 00:17:44,860 --> 00:17:47,340 Hey, you forgot your things. 287 00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:53,180 Say somethin' to that. Say somethin'. 288 00:17:56,460 --> 00:18:00,420 B-E-A... 289 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:03,420 utiful. 290 00:18:04,820 --> 00:18:07,740 That's what I get... 291 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:12,340 That's what I get for trying to help someone. 292 00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:15,860 Oh, don't look at me, Walter. 293 00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:18,780 Oh, no! 294 00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:23,980 Well, that's my payment, I guess. 295 00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:27,020 That... That is my reward. 296 00:18:30,700 --> 00:18:34,420 Just? Just get a clue! 297 00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:39,500 Thank God you're all right. Yeah. Let's thank God. 298 00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:42,180 For his blessings are raining down upon me. 299 00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:45,060 - Wait! That's not rain! - Bruce, please don't do that, honey. 300 00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:48,180 You know that everything happens for a reason. 301 00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:51,180 That I don't need. That is a cliche. That is not helpful to me. 302 00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,260 A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. 303 00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:56,100 I have no bird. I have no bush. God has taken my bird and my bush. 304 00:18:56,180 --> 00:18:59,700 Oh, I see. So God is picking on you, is that what you're saying? 305 00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:02,940 No. He's ignoring me completely. 306 00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:06,180 He's far too busy giving Evan everything he wants. 307 00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:09,220 Oh, that's great, Sam, but you missed your target. I'm over here! 308 00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:12,020 Don't get mad at the dog. It's not the dog's fault. 309 00:19:12,060 --> 00:19:14,740 No. It's God's fault. I gave him the wrong coordinates. 310 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,780 All right. You know what? Enough. All right? Will you stop being such a martyr? 311 00:19:17,860 --> 00:19:20,260 I am not being a martyr. I'm a victim. 312 00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:24,020 God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant. 313 00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:26,300 He could fix my life in five minutes if he wanted to, 314 00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:29,580 but he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm! 315 00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:31,940 Sweetheart, I know you're mad. It's understandable. 316 00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:35,340 What Evan did is slimy and wrong, 317 00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:37,780 but this day could've been so much worse. 318 00:19:37,820 --> 00:19:42,260 I'm just glad you're okay. Okay? News flash! I'm not okay. 319 00:19:42,340 --> 00:19:45,660 I'm not okay with a mediocre job! I'm not okay with a mediocre apartment. 320 00:19:45,740 --> 00:19:48,980 I'm not okay with a mediocre life! 321 00:19:56,380 --> 00:20:00,100 So is that what you think that we have? A mediocre life? 322 00:20:00,180 --> 00:20:05,020 - Don't make this about you. - About me? How could I make this about me? 323 00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:07,980 It's about you! It's always about you! 324 00:20:08,020 --> 00:20:10,740 Perfect. Perfect. 325 00:20:10,780 --> 00:20:15,420 I'll have the worst day of my life with a side order of guilt, please! 326 00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:18,940 Oh. 327 00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:23,740 Okay, God. You want me to talk to you? 328 00:20:23,820 --> 00:20:27,100 Then talk back. Tell me what's going on. 329 00:20:27,180 --> 00:20:29,900 What should I do? Give me a signal. 330 00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:36,060 Oh, I need your guidance, Lord. Please send me a sign. 331 00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:43,180 Ah, what's this joker doin' now? 332 00:20:47,540 --> 00:20:51,020 Okay. All right. I'll try it your way. 333 00:20:51,060 --> 00:20:55,340 All right. Lord, I need a miracle. 334 00:20:57,180 --> 00:21:00,500 I'm desperate. I need your help, Lord. 335 00:21:00,580 --> 00:21:05,620 Please reach into my life. Hey! 336 00:21:05,660 --> 00:21:09,620 What the he... I got ya! 337 00:21:09,660 --> 00:21:11,580 Ha-ha! 338 00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:37,100 Hey! 339 00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:54,580 Fine! The gloves are off, pal! 340 00:21:54,660 --> 00:21:57,260 Come on! Let me see a little wrath. 341 00:21:57,300 --> 00:22:01,540 Smite me, O mighty smiter! 342 00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:04,220 You're the one who should be fired! 343 00:22:04,340 --> 00:22:09,100 The only one around here not doing his job is you! 344 00:22:09,660 --> 00:22:12,420 Answer me! 345 00:22:24,460 --> 00:22:28,900 Sorry. Don't know ya. 346 00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:32,140 Wouldn't call you if I did. 347 00:22:34,580 --> 00:22:36,540 Ohh. 348 00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:46,740 Oh, God. Ohh. 349 00:22:51,340 --> 00:22:53,860 Hello 350 00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:17,820 Oh, no! 351 00:23:17,900 --> 00:23:22,180 Sam, this has gotta stop. 352 00:23:23,340 --> 00:23:25,460 All right. Now, get it straight here. 353 00:23:25,540 --> 00:23:28,380 That's the house. This is the bathroom. House. Bathroom. 354 00:23:28,460 --> 00:23:31,700 Bathroom. House. House. Bathroom. Bathroom. House. 355 00:23:31,780 --> 00:23:36,340 What's the point? 356 00:24:04,020 --> 00:24:06,900 Denied that promotion at work? Is life unfair? 357 00:24:06,980 --> 00:24:09,900 Is there someone less talented than you reaping all the benefits? 358 00:24:09,980 --> 00:24:13,820 Is your name Bruce? Then do we have the job for you. 359 00:24:13,940 --> 00:24:16,900 We're located at 7725623rd Street. 360 00:24:16,980 --> 00:24:21,180 So come on down, or we'll just keep beeping you. 361 00:24:36,980 --> 00:24:39,380 "Omni Presents." 362 00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:43,180 Oh, yeah. The glass is half full. 363 00:24:43,220 --> 00:24:46,300 Oh, geez! 364 00:24:46,380 --> 00:24:49,420 Come on! Look! What is that? 365 00:24:49,460 --> 00:24:52,540 What is that? 366 00:24:52,620 --> 00:24:56,140 Ah, geez! Thank you. Thank you again. 367 00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:04,980 What the... 368 00:25:11,620 --> 00:25:14,420 You're looking for Room 7. 369 00:25:16,260 --> 00:25:18,140 Yeah. I figured. 370 00:25:18,260 --> 00:25:21,220 You want me to even those up for you? 371 00:25:21,300 --> 00:25:25,460 How do I get to Room 7? 372 00:25:25,540 --> 00:25:28,460 That'll be on the seventh floor. Stairs are right over there. 373 00:25:28,540 --> 00:25:31,700 - I'd rather take the elevator. - Out of order. 374 00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:34,660 I love the stairs though. They were my second choice. 375 00:25:34,740 --> 00:25:37,380 Do you mind giving me a hand with this floor? 376 00:25:37,460 --> 00:25:40,660 What? That's good. 377 00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:45,500 Are you serious? Oh, uh, I'm kind of busy. 378 00:25:45,620 --> 00:25:49,460 - Um, rain check. - I'll hold you to it. 379 00:25:50,580 --> 00:25:55,100 I'm free on the seventh at 7:00. 380 00:25:56,740 --> 00:25:59,020 Seventh at 7:00 it is. 381 00:25:59,060 --> 00:26:03,060 This looks promising. 382 00:26:08,220 --> 00:26:11,900 Hello? Another "hugantic," 383 00:26:11,980 --> 00:26:14,580 "ginormic" waste of my life. 384 00:26:14,660 --> 00:26:18,100 Hello? 385 00:26:18,220 --> 00:26:21,700 Yo! I'm lookin' for whoever runs this joint. Be right with you. 386 00:26:21,780 --> 00:26:25,460 I'm trying to fix a light. Tell me if it's working. 387 00:26:25,540 --> 00:26:27,700 Yeah. Seems to be. 388 00:26:27,740 --> 00:26:31,180 Kind ofbright, though. Yeah. It is for most people. 389 00:26:31,260 --> 00:26:36,180 Spend their lives in the dark trying to hide from me. 390 00:26:36,260 --> 00:26:38,820 Oh, the elevator's broken, huh? 391 00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:42,820 Yeah, but I'll get around to it. 392 00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:47,100 You install the Clapper? No, but catchy jingle, isn't it? 393 00:26:47,180 --> 00:26:49,700 "Clap on, clap off" 394 00:26:49,780 --> 00:26:53,060 "Clap on, clap off the Clapper" 395 00:26:53,140 --> 00:26:56,140 Just can't get it out of my head. 396 00:26:56,180 --> 00:26:59,380 Good luck with that. I'm gonna go now. 397 00:26:59,420 --> 00:27:02,580 Okay. But the boss'll be right out. 398 00:27:10,260 --> 00:27:14,380 You must be Bruce. I've been expecting you. 399 00:27:16,580 --> 00:27:20,660 This is hilarious. So you're the boss and the electrician and the janitor? 400 00:27:20,740 --> 00:27:23,740 Must be a killer Christmas party. Don't get drunk, though. 401 00:27:23,860 --> 00:27:27,380 One of you might need a ride home. 402 00:27:27,460 --> 00:27:31,060 You always were funny, Bruce, just like your father. 403 00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:33,940 He didn't mind rolling up his sleeves, either, son. 404 00:27:33,980 --> 00:27:37,540 People underestimate the benefit of good old manual labor. 405 00:27:37,620 --> 00:27:40,780 There's freedom in it. Some of the happiest people in the world... 406 00:27:40,820 --> 00:27:43,420 go home smelling to high heaven at the end of the day. 407 00:27:43,500 --> 00:27:46,100 All right. What is this? 408 00:27:46,140 --> 00:27:48,580 How do you know my father, and how did you get my pager number? 409 00:27:48,660 --> 00:27:52,900 Oh, I know quite a lot about you, Bruce... 410 00:27:52,980 --> 00:27:55,700 just about everything there is to know. 411 00:27:55,780 --> 00:28:01,380 Everything you've ever said or done or thought about doing... 412 00:28:01,460 --> 00:28:04,140 right there in that file cabinet. 413 00:28:04,180 --> 00:28:06,420 Wow. A whole drawer just for me. 414 00:28:06,500 --> 00:28:10,420 Yeah. Mind if I take a look? 415 00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:14,620 It's your life. This oughta be good. 416 00:28:28,980 --> 00:28:32,580 Now, this last entry was a little disturbing. 417 00:28:40,540 --> 00:28:44,660 "The gloves are off, God." 418 00:28:44,740 --> 00:28:46,940 "God has taken my bird and my bush." 419 00:28:47,020 --> 00:28:50,780 "God is a mean kid with a magnifying glass." 420 00:28:50,860 --> 00:28:54,260 "Smite me, O mighty smiter!" 421 00:28:54,340 --> 00:28:58,260 Now, I'm not much for blaspheming, but that last one made me laugh. 422 00:28:58,380 --> 00:29:01,100 Are you spying on me? 423 00:29:02,940 --> 00:29:07,100 - Who are you? - I'm the one. 424 00:29:07,180 --> 00:29:11,420 - Huh? - Creator of the heavens and the earth, alpha and omega. 425 00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:14,900 Oh, I see where this is going. 426 00:29:14,980 --> 00:29:17,860 Bruce, I'm God. 427 00:29:17,940 --> 00:29:21,140 Bingo! Yahtzee! Is that your final answer? 428 00:29:21,220 --> 00:29:25,060 Our survey says, "God!" Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing! 429 00:29:25,140 --> 00:29:28,660 Well, it was nice to meet you, God. Thank you for the Grand Canyon, 430 00:29:28,780 --> 00:29:30,820 and good luck with the apocalypse. 431 00:29:30,900 --> 00:29:33,340 Oh, and by the way, you suck! 432 00:29:33,460 --> 00:29:36,540 You know what would've been a little more impressive, though? 433 00:29:36,620 --> 00:29:39,420 If you hadn't used the cheesy file cabinet illusion. 434 00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:42,260 Anybody with a brain stem can tell that that drawer... 435 00:29:42,340 --> 00:29:44,540 is being fed through the wall from the other side. 436 00:29:44,620 --> 00:29:47,260 All you have to do is find the crease, right around here. 437 00:29:47,340 --> 00:29:51,260 There is a seam here... or a hollow spot. 438 00:29:55,380 --> 00:30:00,140 Where? Through the drywall and concrete? 439 00:30:02,060 --> 00:30:05,420 Okay. That is a good one. That is a good one. 440 00:30:05,540 --> 00:30:08,980 - Okay. How many fingers am I holding up? - Now, Bruce. 441 00:30:09,060 --> 00:30:11,580 Thou shalt not tempt the Lord... Hey, if you can't do it, man, that's cool. 442 00:30:11,660 --> 00:30:15,100 Three. Two. Four. Nine. Six. 443 00:30:15,180 --> 00:30:18,060 Eight. One. 444 00:30:18,100 --> 00:30:22,700 Okay. How many now? 445 00:30:22,740 --> 00:30:25,980 - Seven. - Aha! 446 00:30:28,460 --> 00:30:32,580 You've been doing a lot of complaining about me, Bruce. 447 00:30:32,660 --> 00:30:35,380 And quite frankly, I'm tired of it. Wait. Don't come near me. 448 00:30:35,420 --> 00:30:37,460 When I'm backed into a corner, I'm like a wild animal. 449 00:30:37,580 --> 00:30:39,700 I don't wanna hurt you, but I will, out of instinct. You haven't won a fight... 450 00:30:39,780 --> 00:30:42,500 since grade five, and that was against a girl. 451 00:30:42,580 --> 00:30:46,740 Yeah, but she was huge. She had been held back. 452 00:30:46,780 --> 00:30:50,860 And the sun was in your eyes. Oh, there you go. 453 00:30:50,900 --> 00:30:53,420 In a way, I brought you here to offer you a job. 454 00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:56,020 Job? What job? My job. 455 00:30:56,100 --> 00:30:59,380 You think you can do it better, so here's your chance. 456 00:30:59,420 --> 00:31:03,340 When you leave this building, you will be endowed with all my powers. 457 00:31:03,460 --> 00:31:07,700 Whatever you say, pal. 458 00:31:07,820 --> 00:31:12,580 Okay. That did not happen, and no one needs to hear about it. 459 00:31:12,660 --> 00:31:15,460 I'm deleting the program. 460 00:31:16,820 --> 00:31:19,860 No. No. I'm having a breakdown, that's what it is. 461 00:31:19,940 --> 00:31:23,740 Normal, everyday psychotic episode caused by a tumor or brain lesion. 462 00:31:23,820 --> 00:31:26,260 Come on. Start! 463 00:31:26,340 --> 00:31:29,260 That was lucky. 464 00:31:35,140 --> 00:31:39,740 Come on, man. Calm down. You did not meet God; you do not have his powers. 465 00:31:39,820 --> 00:31:43,100 If that was God, then I'm Clint Eastwood. 466 00:31:43,220 --> 00:31:46,060 Holy hell! 467 00:31:49,980 --> 00:31:53,180 Be careful what you wish for, punk. 468 00:31:53,260 --> 00:31:56,220 No. Uh-uh! No. No. 469 00:31:56,300 --> 00:32:01,900 I am a reasonable, sane human being with a. 44 Magnum, 470 00:32:01,940 --> 00:32:05,020 the most powerful handgun in the wo... 471 00:32:05,100 --> 00:32:07,540 I'm not Clint Eastwood. I'm Bruce Nolan. 472 00:32:07,660 --> 00:32:11,780 Bruce Nolan. I'm Bruce No-lan! 473 00:32:23,780 --> 00:32:26,220 Oh, it's not real. It's not real. 474 00:32:27,900 --> 00:32:31,500 Coffee? Yeah. Uh, coffee. Yeah. 475 00:32:31,540 --> 00:32:34,780 We have a special on soup today. No. That's fine. Thank you. 476 00:32:34,860 --> 00:32:37,380 It's tomato. I made it myself. 477 00:32:37,460 --> 00:32:40,500 Okay. Okay. 478 00:33:13,220 --> 00:33:17,780 Excuse me. I need a sp... 479 00:33:21,380 --> 00:33:23,660 It's okay. I found one. 480 00:33:29,300 --> 00:33:32,820 Here's your soup. 481 00:33:32,900 --> 00:33:36,700 Oh, soup. Right. Uh, yeah. Right. 482 00:34:24,020 --> 00:34:26,260 Having fun? 483 00:34:26,300 --> 00:34:29,500 Thy... Thou..." 484 00:34:29,580 --> 00:34:32,740 Come. Take a closer walk with me. 485 00:34:34,220 --> 00:34:36,460 - Let me explain the rules. - Rules? 486 00:34:36,500 --> 00:34:41,260 Yeah. You left in such a rush, I didn't get a chance to explain. 487 00:34:41,340 --> 00:34:44,460 Two extra fingers freaked me out a little bit. 488 00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:46,420 I just figured I'd get your attention. 489 00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:49,340 I did the same thing to Gandhi; he didn't eat for three weeks. 490 00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:52,860 Anyway, here's the deal. 491 00:34:52,980 --> 00:34:55,820 You have all my powers. Use them any way you choose. 492 00:34:55,940 --> 00:34:59,140 There are only two rules. You can't tell anybody you're God. 493 00:34:59,220 --> 00:35:01,420 Believe me, you don't want that kind of attention. 494 00:35:01,460 --> 00:35:05,140 And you can't mess with free will. 495 00:35:05,180 --> 00:35:07,700 Uh-huh. Can I ask why? 496 00:35:07,780 --> 00:35:12,300 Yes, you can! That's the beauty of it! 497 00:35:19,380 --> 00:35:22,500 This is amazing. Speaking of amazing... Excuse me. 498 00:35:22,580 --> 00:35:25,060 Oh. 499 00:35:26,340 --> 00:35:29,460 Holy sh... cow. 500 00:35:29,500 --> 00:35:32,660 Since you're through with these, I think I'll keep 'em. 501 00:35:32,740 --> 00:35:35,580 Might come in handy someday. 502 00:35:35,660 --> 00:35:38,420 See you around, kid. 503 00:35:38,460 --> 00:35:41,180 - Where you going? - I'm taking a vacation. 504 00:35:41,260 --> 00:35:45,940 God doesn't take vacations, does he? Do... ye? 505 00:35:45,980 --> 00:35:49,420 Did you ever hear of the Dark Ages? Besides, I'm covered. 506 00:35:49,500 --> 00:35:53,780 You can clear everything up in five minutes if you want to, right? 507 00:35:54,900 --> 00:35:57,100 Ciao. 508 00:36:28,940 --> 00:36:33,460 "I've got the power" Boom! 509 00:36:36,900 --> 00:36:38,740 "I've got the power" 510 00:36:38,820 --> 00:36:41,260 And he saw that it was good. 511 00:36:41,300 --> 00:36:44,180 "I've got the power" 512 00:36:46,380 --> 00:36:51,300 Whoa. 513 00:36:55,020 --> 00:36:58,380 ""Gettin, gettin' gettin'kind ofheavy" 514 00:36:58,460 --> 00:37:02,300 "Gettin, gettin' gettin'kind ofheavy" 515 00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:05,220 "I've got the power" 516 00:37:05,300 --> 00:37:08,500 B-E-A-utiful. 517 00:37:13,540 --> 00:37:17,140 - Hey. Check it out. Check it out. - Hey. Check it out. 518 00:37:17,180 --> 00:37:19,700 Oh, look. It's the hero. What's up, homie? 519 00:37:19,780 --> 00:37:24,020 Yo, brethren, what up with thee? Blessings on your alley. 520 00:37:24,100 --> 00:37:26,740 Looking for another can of whoop-ass? 521 00:37:26,780 --> 00:37:30,280 - You didn't get enough, Mr. Hero? - He wants some more. 522 00:37:30,315 --> 00:37:33,780 Surely I say unto you dudes, I do not wish to fight. 523 00:37:33,900 --> 00:37:37,460 So as soon as you apologize and make a full reckoning of your transgressions, 524 00:37:37,500 --> 00:37:40,940 I shall absolve you and continue along the path of righteousness. 525 00:37:40,980 --> 00:37:44,660 What are you talkin' about, man? 526 00:37:44,700 --> 00:37:47,420 Straight up. You talk kind of funny, you know what I mean? 527 00:37:47,500 --> 00:37:50,380 I don't know if you've lost it all up in here or what, but check this out, homie. 528 00:37:50,420 --> 00:37:53,460 You want me and the homies to apologize, right? Mm-hmm. 529 00:37:53,540 --> 00:37:56,580 Cool. Tell you what. We'll apologize the day a monkey comes out of my butt. 530 00:37:56,660 --> 00:37:59,860 Then you get your "sorry." How 'bout that? 531 00:38:01,540 --> 00:38:05,780 What a coincidence, because that's today. 532 00:38:13,060 --> 00:38:16,180 Oh! 533 00:38:20,060 --> 00:38:24,260 Hey, did that monkey just come out your crack, man? 534 00:38:27,540 --> 00:38:30,100 Ohh. 535 00:38:30,180 --> 00:38:32,580 This is some voodoo shit, man. Let's go! 536 00:38:32,660 --> 00:38:35,940 Are you guys leavin'? 537 00:38:36,020 --> 00:38:39,340 Hey, don't forget your parting gifts! 538 00:39:04,100 --> 00:39:08,220 Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home, little buddy. 539 00:39:11,580 --> 00:39:14,220 No! 540 00:39:14,260 --> 00:39:16,980 No! 541 00:39:22,140 --> 00:39:24,380 I am Bruce Almighty! 542 00:39:24,460 --> 00:39:27,820 My will be done! 543 00:39:36,420 --> 00:39:40,060 "What if God was one of us" 544 00:39:40,140 --> 00:39:44,100 "Just a slob like one of us" 545 00:39:44,180 --> 00:39:47,180 "Just a stranger on a bus" 546 00:39:47,220 --> 00:39:49,620 "Tryin'to make his way" 547 00:39:49,700 --> 00:39:52,420 "Home" 548 00:39:52,500 --> 00:39:55,100 My God. You can call me Bruce. 549 00:39:55,180 --> 00:39:58,140 What happened to you? You seem so... 550 00:40:01,300 --> 00:40:03,180 happy. 551 00:40:03,220 --> 00:40:06,020 Why shouldn't I be... on a night like this? Wow. 552 00:40:06,100 --> 00:40:09,580 Those are amazing. What are these? They're a new breed. 553 00:40:09,660 --> 00:40:12,380 Cross-pollination between tulips and daisies. 554 00:40:12,460 --> 00:40:15,100 I call them tu-daisies. 555 00:40:16,420 --> 00:40:18,860 Okay. 556 00:40:24,100 --> 00:40:27,740 Honey, these flowers are really beautiful, but last night... 557 00:40:27,820 --> 00:40:30,780 Last night, I was only human. 558 00:40:34,660 --> 00:40:37,540 Barry, help me out here. 559 00:40:43,780 --> 00:40:46,180 "Oh, baby" 560 00:40:46,260 --> 00:40:51,340 "Oh, baby" "Yeah, I'll be here" 561 00:40:53,940 --> 00:40:58,260 "Forever and ever yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" 562 00:40:58,340 --> 00:41:01,060 "I'll see you through" 563 00:41:05,660 --> 00:41:09,940 "Makin'love to you right now That's all I wanna do" 564 00:41:10,020 --> 00:41:12,620 "'Cause I found" 565 00:41:12,700 --> 00:41:16,180 "What the world is searchin'for" 566 00:41:16,300 --> 00:41:21,940 "For someonejust like you make me feel the way you do" 567 00:41:21,980 --> 00:41:24,740 "Never, never gonna give you up" 568 00:41:24,820 --> 00:41:27,140 "I'm never, ever gonna stop" 569 00:41:27,220 --> 00:41:29,740 "Not the way I feel about you" 570 00:41:29,780 --> 00:41:32,780 "Girl, I just can't live without you" 571 00:41:32,860 --> 00:41:35,540 Honey. Hi. Wow. 572 00:41:35,620 --> 00:41:38,940 I've never seen the moon that big! Yeah. 573 00:41:39,020 --> 00:41:41,420 "Oh, baby" We really shouldn't waste it. 574 00:41:41,500 --> 00:41:45,540 Ohh. 575 00:41:47,180 --> 00:41:49,300 Ohh. 576 00:41:51,940 --> 00:41:55,820 Bedroom? Five minutes. 577 00:42:01,940 --> 00:42:06,020 "Right about now funk soul brother" Let there be light. 578 00:42:08,740 --> 00:42:10,780 - "Right about now" - I'll be out in a minute. 579 00:42:10,860 --> 00:42:13,860 - "Funk soul brother Check it out now" - Don't rush yourself. 580 00:42:13,940 --> 00:42:17,940 Sometimes anticipation can heighten the pleas-ure. 581 00:42:18,060 --> 00:42:19,980 Oh, God! Oh! 582 00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:24,940 It's a funny thing about pleasure. 583 00:42:24,980 --> 00:42:29,420 Wow. It can be quite... pleasurable! 584 00:42:32,980 --> 00:42:35,300 Oh, my God! 585 00:42:35,380 --> 00:42:38,660 - Pleasurable. - Oh, God! 586 00:42:38,740 --> 00:42:42,180 Oh, God! 587 00:42:42,260 --> 00:42:44,580 Pleasurable. Pleasurable. 588 00:42:51,540 --> 00:42:56,060 In international news, Japanese relief workers are staging a desperate effort... 589 00:42:56,140 --> 00:43:00,940 to rescue hundreds of people stranded by a freak tidal wave that hit Kitamoto City. 590 00:43:01,020 --> 00:43:05,020 Scientists say the tsunami may have been caused by what they're describing... 591 00:43:05,100 --> 00:43:07,180 as unusual lunar activity. 592 00:43:07,220 --> 00:43:10,500 More on this as it develops. 593 00:43:13,460 --> 00:43:18,460 Please bless my mommy, my daddy and especially my little sister. 594 00:43:19,980 --> 00:43:24,180 Please help me, Lord. Please get me through this. 595 00:43:28,060 --> 00:43:29,940 All I'm asking is would you help me? 596 00:43:30,020 --> 00:43:33,460 Thank you for everything else in my life. Amen. 597 00:43:35,780 --> 00:43:37,980 Sam! 598 00:43:55,140 --> 00:43:58,980 Good boy. 599 00:43:59,060 --> 00:44:02,340 Ah... Forget something? 600 00:44:04,300 --> 00:44:06,420 Hmm. 601 00:44:06,500 --> 00:44:09,580 Good boy. There are girls in the house, huh? 602 00:44:13,380 --> 00:44:15,660 Morning. Morning! 603 00:44:15,700 --> 00:44:19,260 I made you grilled cheese. Ooh, my favey! 604 00:44:19,340 --> 00:44:22,900 - Honey, last night was just... - Heavenly? I know. I know. 605 00:44:23,020 --> 00:44:26,860 I mean, I woke up this morning, and I felt like my boobs were bigger. 606 00:44:26,940 --> 00:44:28,860 Ohh. I mean, do they look bigger to you? 607 00:44:28,980 --> 00:44:32,660 Uh, what? Your, um, hmm? No. Uh... 608 00:44:32,700 --> 00:44:36,980 - Bigger? - Oh, come on! Look at them! 609 00:44:37,060 --> 00:44:41,060 Please. They are definitely bigger. I mean, look. They feel huge. 610 00:44:41,140 --> 00:44:43,780 Well, listen, I, uh, have to go, 611 00:44:43,860 --> 00:44:48,020 but this has been the breast bek... breast... 612 00:44:48,060 --> 00:44:50,740 Thank you. Where are you going? 613 00:44:50,820 --> 00:44:53,980 To get my job back. 614 00:44:54,060 --> 00:44:56,340 "Yeah, yeah" 615 00:44:56,460 --> 00:45:00,820 "I am great Yeah, yeah" 616 00:45:00,940 --> 00:45:04,100 "I am..." Good grief. Is that what I'm drivin'? 617 00:45:14,140 --> 00:45:16,900 Whoa. Nice car, man. 618 00:45:16,980 --> 00:45:20,180 Yeah. It gets me from "A" to "B." 619 00:45:31,860 --> 00:45:35,180 Oh, darn. All this horsepower and no room to gallop. 620 00:45:36,740 --> 00:45:41,660 Heigh-ho, Silver, away! 621 00:45:49,980 --> 00:45:52,340 I certainly wouldn't want to be a fugitive on the run with Hank, 622 00:45:52,420 --> 00:45:55,340 Buffalo's number-one police dog on the job. 623 00:45:55,420 --> 00:45:57,780 This is Phil Sidleman reporting from the Police Canine Training Center, 624 00:45:57,820 --> 00:45:59,860 Channel 5 News. 625 00:45:59,980 --> 00:46:03,740 And cut it. 626 00:46:05,340 --> 00:46:08,780 "Hey-Hey! Look what the cat coughed up! 627 00:46:08,860 --> 00:46:12,780 Channel 7, right? You're the guy that went crazy? I had a bad moment. 628 00:46:12,820 --> 00:46:16,140 What are you doing here? Just looking for a story. 629 00:46:16,180 --> 00:46:19,980 There's no story here. This pond is all fished out. 630 00:46:20,020 --> 00:46:23,020 Pretty standard stuff anyway. I don't know. 631 00:46:23,060 --> 00:46:25,740 My instinct tells me there's something more. Yeah? Well, go with that. 632 00:46:25,780 --> 00:46:28,820 It served you well in the past, right? 633 00:46:30,700 --> 00:46:33,580 Mm-hmm. 634 00:46:33,700 --> 00:46:37,780 Hey! Hank found something! 635 00:46:39,300 --> 00:46:42,100 Hey, we got a body! Over here! 636 00:46:42,140 --> 00:46:44,900 Get the camera! Now! 637 00:46:44,980 --> 00:46:49,140 - It's locked, and the keys are inside! - I guess every dog has his day. 638 00:46:49,180 --> 00:46:52,980 Hey, kid. You wanna make 10 bucks? You know how to use one of these? 639 00:46:53,060 --> 00:46:55,860 Duh. 640 00:46:55,900 --> 00:46:58,260 Seems to be in tune. Let's do this. 641 00:46:58,300 --> 00:47:01,260 The body ofJimmy Hoffa was uncovered in a field today... 642 00:47:01,340 --> 00:47:04,420 outside of a canine training center in Buffalo, New York. 643 00:47:04,500 --> 00:47:07,940 Bruce Nolan was the first on the scene. Thank you, Jane. 644 00:47:08,020 --> 00:47:11,020 As you can see behind us, the body is being carefully exhumed... 645 00:47:11,100 --> 00:47:13,460 and will be transported to a medical facility, 646 00:47:13,580 --> 00:47:15,540 where D.N.A. Testing can confirm the identity. 647 00:47:15,620 --> 00:47:18,380 That, however, merely a formality at this point, 648 00:47:18,420 --> 00:47:21,860 as in a bizarre twist, the body was found buried with a birth certificate... 649 00:47:21,940 --> 00:47:24,180 and complete set of dental records. 650 00:47:24,260 --> 00:47:28,660 I'd call that a red-letter day for any K-9 unit, but was that enough for old Hank here? 651 00:47:28,740 --> 00:47:32,340 No, sirree. Moments later, he busted a local news camera crew... 652 00:47:32,380 --> 00:47:35,940 With 220 pounds of marijuana. 653 00:47:36,020 --> 00:47:41,260 I never saw it before, I swear! 654 00:47:41,380 --> 00:47:46,900 I'm Bruce Nolan, and that's the way the cookie crumbles. 655 00:47:48,740 --> 00:47:52,180 Yeah! Did you like that? 656 00:47:52,260 --> 00:47:56,740 Yes. Thank you. Thank you. 657 00:47:56,820 --> 00:47:58,900 Hi, Bruce. Oh, hi, Susan. 658 00:47:58,980 --> 00:48:02,780 Good work. I'm impressed. 659 00:48:05,780 --> 00:48:08,620 - Jack, did you need me for something? - Bruce! Bruce! 660 00:48:08,660 --> 00:48:10,900 Just the man I wanna see. Hey. 661 00:48:10,980 --> 00:48:14,740 Hoffa? What are the odds of that? What are the odds of that? 662 00:48:14,860 --> 00:48:17,020 Bruce, why don't you sit down? Okay. 663 00:48:17,100 --> 00:48:20,620 I'm gonna be straight with you. We want you back, Bruce. 664 00:48:20,660 --> 00:48:24,100 But I want you to understand it was not my decision to let you go. 665 00:48:24,180 --> 00:48:27,780 When the big guy gives the order, you gotta... No harm, no foul, Jack. 666 00:48:27,860 --> 00:48:30,900 I needed some time to reassess my goals and get in touch with my true self. 667 00:48:30,980 --> 00:48:33,420 You did that in a day? Imagine what I could do with seven. 668 00:48:35,380 --> 00:48:38,260 Look, Bruce. It is not in my power to give you anchor. 669 00:48:38,340 --> 00:48:41,140 Now, as far as field reporting goes, if you're looking for a bump... 670 00:48:41,220 --> 00:48:44,860 Jack, let's just cut the crap and get down to brass tacks here. 671 00:48:46,260 --> 00:48:49,260 I'm kidding with you, and you... 672 00:48:49,340 --> 00:48:54,460 I had you going, Jackie. Don't even worry about it, old friend. 673 00:48:54,540 --> 00:48:58,460 You just give me a camera, Jack; I'll give you the news. 674 00:48:58,540 --> 00:49:01,900 "A little less conversation a little more action" 675 00:49:01,980 --> 00:49:05,340 "All this aggravation ain't"satisfactioning"me" 676 00:49:05,420 --> 00:49:09,460 My secret is that I let thejalapenos marinate... 677 00:49:09,500 --> 00:49:15,100 in a spicy sauce for at least 24 hours before I stir it into the chili. 678 00:49:15,180 --> 00:49:20,340 Then I let it all come to a simmer b... Oh! 679 00:49:22,620 --> 00:49:27,620 Hold that thought, Hazel! It seems as if an asteroid or some kind of meteorite... 680 00:49:27,700 --> 00:49:32,100 has just hit ground right outside the Mark Twain Chili Cook-Off. 681 00:49:32,180 --> 00:49:34,900 This should certainly spice things up a bit. 682 00:49:34,980 --> 00:49:38,580 - His stories are all over town. - From unearthing Jimmy Hoffa... 683 00:49:38,660 --> 00:49:40,620 To a meteor crashing to earth... 684 00:49:40,660 --> 00:49:43,900 Bruce Nolan is rapidly becoming known as... 685 00:49:44,020 --> 00:49:49,220 "Yeah a little less conversation a little more action" 686 00:49:49,300 --> 00:49:52,140 "All this conversation ain't"satisfactioning"me" 687 00:49:52,500 --> 00:49:55,340 "A little more bite and a little more bark" 688 00:49:55,380 --> 00:49:58,340 "A little less fight and a little more spark"" 689 00:49:58,420 --> 00:50:01,540 And that's the way the cookie crumbles! 690 00:50:04,300 --> 00:50:08,140 Was this Bruce's idea? Uh-huh. 691 00:50:08,180 --> 00:50:12,340 He said he wanted me to have a day of beauty and luxurious serenity. 692 00:50:12,420 --> 00:50:16,660 I gotta tell you. He is really impressing me lately. 693 00:50:16,740 --> 00:50:19,660 You know where he's taking me to dinner tonight? 694 00:50:19,780 --> 00:50:22,820 Hmm. Where? 695 00:50:24,380 --> 00:50:27,580 - The Blue Palm? - Mm-hmm. 696 00:50:27,660 --> 00:50:30,620 - Oh, my gosh. I just got chills. - I know. 697 00:50:30,700 --> 00:50:34,420 And he told me to prepare for the most memorable night of our entire lives. 698 00:50:34,460 --> 00:50:37,100 Oh, my gosh. Grace, he's gonna propose. 699 00:50:37,140 --> 00:50:39,860 Stop it. No. Really? 700 00:50:39,940 --> 00:50:43,100 Yeah. Really. Come on. You do the math. 701 00:50:43,180 --> 00:50:46,980 He sends you all day to a beauty spa. He's taking you to the most romantic restaurant, 702 00:50:47,060 --> 00:50:49,180 where you had your first date. 703 00:50:49,300 --> 00:50:52,620 You know, I never thought I'd say this, but Bruce is right. This is your big night. 704 00:50:52,700 --> 00:50:55,060 Relax and enjoy it. Oh, God. 705 00:50:55,140 --> 00:50:57,540 Ow. Ow. 706 00:51:00,180 --> 00:51:03,660 Welcome to Eyewitness News at 6:00 with Susan Ortega, 707 00:51:03,740 --> 00:51:07,900 Evan Baxter, Fred Donohue... sports, Dallas Coleman... weather. 708 00:51:07,980 --> 00:51:10,340 And now, Buffalo's number-one news team. 709 00:51:10,420 --> 00:51:13,460 Good evening, and welcome to Eyewitness News at 6:00. I'm Susan Ortega. 710 00:51:13,540 --> 00:51:15,860 And I'm Evan Baxter, and here's what's making news. 711 00:51:15,940 --> 00:51:20,220 A potential scandal with the Buffalo P.D. Surfaced today... 712 00:51:20,300 --> 00:51:22,660 when the mayor... 713 00:51:30,700 --> 00:51:34,140 - I'm sorry. I'm seem to have something stuck in my... - Somebody get him some water. 714 00:51:34,220 --> 00:51:36,780 Looks like my new coanchor may need a glass of water. 715 00:51:40,820 --> 00:51:43,860 Oh. There we go. Sorry about that. 716 00:51:43,940 --> 00:51:48,900 In other news, the prime minister of Sweden visited Washington today, 717 00:51:48,980 --> 00:51:52,860 and my tiny little nipples went to France. 718 00:51:52,980 --> 00:51:54,940 What did he just say? Check the prompter. 719 00:51:57,980 --> 00:52:02,900 - The prompter's fine. - Evan, read the copy, please. The copy's good. Just read it. 720 00:52:02,980 --> 00:52:06,940 The White House reception committee greeted the prime rib roast minister, 721 00:52:07,020 --> 00:52:10,460 and I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. 722 00:52:10,540 --> 00:52:16,180 - I "lika"do the cha-cha. 723 00:52:20,380 --> 00:52:24,580 I'm sorry. We seem to be having some technical difficulties. 724 00:52:24,660 --> 00:52:27,500 In other news... 725 00:52:27,540 --> 00:52:30,860 My apologies. 726 00:53:01,260 --> 00:53:03,060 Doo-doo, caca, poo-poo. 727 00:53:03,140 --> 00:53:05,700 Pee-pee! 728 00:53:21,300 --> 00:53:25,700 "If I ruled the world" 729 00:53:25,780 --> 00:53:29,540 "Every day would be the first day of spring" 730 00:53:31,300 --> 00:53:36,340 "Every heart would have a new song to sing" 731 00:53:36,420 --> 00:53:38,860 "And we'd sing" 732 00:53:38,900 --> 00:53:42,700 "Of thejoy every morning would bring" 733 00:53:44,180 --> 00:53:46,580 "If I ruled the world" 734 00:53:48,460 --> 00:53:51,980 "Every man would be as free as a bird" 735 00:53:52,060 --> 00:53:53,940 May I? Thank you. Certainly. 736 00:53:54,020 --> 00:53:56,820 "Every voice would be a voice to be heard" 737 00:53:56,860 --> 00:54:02,220 It's perfect. She'll love it. 738 00:54:02,340 --> 00:54:06,100 "We would treasure each day that occurs" 739 00:54:06,220 --> 00:54:08,940 You know, uh," 740 00:54:08,980 --> 00:54:12,700 I was gonna, uh... I was gonna wait until after the meal, 741 00:54:12,780 --> 00:54:15,340 but it's gonna burst out of me like an alien if I don't do it now. 742 00:54:15,420 --> 00:54:18,980 Oh, God. Oh, my God. Okay. 743 00:54:19,060 --> 00:54:21,580 This is it, isn't it? 744 00:54:21,660 --> 00:54:24,460 I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready for this. 745 00:54:24,500 --> 00:54:26,820 I mean, I'm ready for this. I just don't know if I would... 746 00:54:26,900 --> 00:54:29,260 I didn't think I would have... I'm sorry. Go on. 747 00:54:29,340 --> 00:54:31,220 I didn't know this was so important to you. 748 00:54:31,300 --> 00:54:33,900 Me neither. Me neither. 749 00:54:34,020 --> 00:54:36,620 Oh." 750 00:54:36,700 --> 00:54:39,100 Grace. Yes. 751 00:54:39,220 --> 00:54:41,380 Grace. Yes. 752 00:54:46,180 --> 00:54:48,660 I got anchor. 753 00:54:48,740 --> 00:54:52,820 Yes. 754 00:54:52,860 --> 00:54:55,780 Apparently, it wasn't working out with Evan, 755 00:54:55,860 --> 00:55:00,460 so he's gonna finish out the week, and I go live on Monday. 756 00:55:01,900 --> 00:55:04,940 That's great, honey. That's great. I know. I know. 757 00:55:05,980 --> 00:55:07,860 Wow. 758 00:55:09,220 --> 00:55:11,060 So that's what this is all about? 759 00:55:11,140 --> 00:55:14,100 Well, yeah. Yeah. 760 00:55:14,180 --> 00:55:16,820 Grace, we got anchor. Jack's throwing me a party Friday night... 761 00:55:16,860 --> 00:55:19,100 at the Vanderbilt estate to celebrate. 762 00:55:19,180 --> 00:55:21,300 What's the matter? Nothing. 763 00:55:21,820 --> 00:55:24,180 Now I lay me down to sleep. 764 00:55:24,260 --> 00:55:26,700 I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Oh, I feel so stupid. I feel stupid. 765 00:55:26,780 --> 00:55:28,820 Wow, it is kinda loud in here, isn't it? 766 00:55:28,900 --> 00:55:32,260 - No, it's not loud. - Geez, can you keep it down to a dull roar? 767 00:55:32,340 --> 00:55:34,180 What are you... Thank you. 768 00:55:34,260 --> 00:55:36,900 Is that supposed to be funny? 'Cause that is not funny. If I should die before I wake, 769 00:55:36,980 --> 00:55:38,860 I pray the Lord my soul to take. What are you saying? 770 00:55:38,900 --> 00:55:42,700 What is wrong with you? Stop yelling! 771 00:55:42,780 --> 00:55:44,580 Uh, would you excuse me? 772 00:55:44,660 --> 00:55:48,940 I think I'll take a little trip to the, um... 773 00:55:49,020 --> 00:55:51,780 The wine is going right through me. 774 00:55:51,860 --> 00:55:54,580 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 775 00:55:54,620 --> 00:55:57,060 Keep going, Tony! You're great! Oh, God. 776 00:55:59,380 --> 00:56:03,180 What is going on here? Oh, what is this? 777 00:56:03,260 --> 00:56:05,220 Give me a break! 778 00:56:10,260 --> 00:56:12,620 Really something, isn't it? 779 00:56:14,620 --> 00:56:16,500 Is this heaven? 780 00:56:16,580 --> 00:56:19,020 No, this is Mount Everest. 781 00:56:19,060 --> 00:56:22,180 You should flip on the Discovery Channel from time to time. 782 00:56:22,260 --> 00:56:26,020 But I guess you can't now, being dead and all. 783 00:56:26,100 --> 00:56:28,140 I'm dead? 784 00:56:28,220 --> 00:56:30,100 Nah, I'm just messin' with you. 785 00:56:30,140 --> 00:56:33,020 That's not funny, man. That is not funny! 786 00:56:33,100 --> 00:56:34,660 Okay. 787 00:56:34,740 --> 00:56:36,900 And what about the voices in my head? 788 00:56:36,980 --> 00:56:39,940 Is that part of the hilarity? No, those are prayers. 789 00:56:40,020 --> 00:56:42,900 And you keep ignoring them, they're gonna build up on you like that. 790 00:56:42,980 --> 00:56:45,660 But it's just noise. I can't understand them. 791 00:56:45,740 --> 00:56:47,740 Well, you're not listening, son. 792 00:56:49,380 --> 00:56:51,220 Let's see. 793 00:56:51,300 --> 00:56:53,740 You've had my powers for a little over a week now. 794 00:56:53,780 --> 00:56:56,260 How many people have you helped? 795 00:56:58,900 --> 00:57:04,420 L-I took care of a few things. I righted a few wrongs in my own life first, okay? 796 00:57:04,500 --> 00:57:06,380 I was gonna help the others. 797 00:57:06,420 --> 00:57:09,820 I think I could help the world. Mm-hmm. The world? 798 00:57:09,900 --> 00:57:11,740 That wasn't the world. 799 00:57:11,860 --> 00:57:14,900 That was just Buffalo between 57 th Street and Commonwealth. 800 00:57:16,420 --> 00:57:17,740 Oh. 801 00:57:17,780 --> 00:57:20,420 I didn't want to start you off with more than you could handle. 802 00:57:20,500 --> 00:57:25,380 Well, you took the job, Bruce, so I suggest you get to it. 803 00:57:25,460 --> 00:57:28,580 Seeing him smile would make me so happy. 804 00:57:28,660 --> 00:57:31,180 Prayers, prayers. Okay, prayers. Oh! 805 00:57:31,220 --> 00:57:34,220 This creepy whisper thing has to end. 806 00:57:34,300 --> 00:57:36,260 Organization and management is what I need. 807 00:57:36,340 --> 00:57:38,860 I need a system. Something concrete. 808 00:57:38,940 --> 00:57:41,420 Concentrate! 809 00:57:41,500 --> 00:57:43,380 Files. 810 00:57:43,460 --> 00:57:46,380 Let all prayers be organized into files. 811 00:57:50,260 --> 00:57:52,100 Well, that takes care of the voices. 812 00:57:52,180 --> 00:57:55,180 Not exactly a space saver though. 813 00:57:55,260 --> 00:57:57,460 Grace might notice. 814 00:57:57,500 --> 00:58:00,140 I know. Prayer Post-Its! 815 00:58:07,460 --> 00:58:09,340 Shh! 816 00:58:14,100 --> 00:58:18,060 Okay, I need something with a lock, security, combination, a password. 817 00:58:19,740 --> 00:58:21,620 A password. 818 00:58:21,660 --> 00:58:25,100 "Yahweh" 819 00:58:25,140 --> 00:58:27,660 You've got prayers. 820 00:58:27,700 --> 00:58:30,780 Welcome to the revelation superhighway. 821 00:58:30,860 --> 00:58:33,980 We bless. No mess. Downloading now. 822 00:58:36,660 --> 00:58:38,820 It's good. It's good. 823 00:58:41,460 --> 00:58:44,460 This is gonna take a while. 824 00:58:48,820 --> 00:58:53,260 1,527,503 prayer requests? 825 00:58:55,940 --> 00:58:58,220 I'd better manifest some coffee. 826 00:58:59,340 --> 00:59:03,180 Hola, Juan Valdez. 827 00:59:04,180 --> 00:59:06,020 Buenos dias. Buenos dias. 828 00:59:06,100 --> 00:59:08,820 Disfrute un buen cafe. Gracias, senor. 829 00:59:08,860 --> 00:59:10,740 Adios. 830 00:59:10,780 --> 00:59:12,660 Adios. 831 00:59:15,860 --> 00:59:20,940 Ah! Now, that's fresh mountain-grown coffee from the hills of Colombia. 832 00:59:40,460 --> 00:59:43,020 It's good. 833 00:59:43,060 --> 00:59:45,340 It's good! 834 00:59:48,300 --> 00:59:52,460 Okay, I had to have made some kind of a dent by now. 835 00:59:54,460 --> 00:59:57,700 Oh, come on! 836 00:59:57,780 --> 01:00:01,180 What a bunch of whiners. This is gonna suck up my whole life. 837 01:00:02,460 --> 01:00:04,340 You know what? 838 01:00:06,660 --> 01:00:09,740 Yes to all! 839 01:00:09,820 --> 01:00:12,180 Yeah, there ya go. 840 01:00:12,220 --> 01:00:14,100 Now everybody's happy. 841 01:00:22,140 --> 01:00:25,980 I'll drink to that. My tech stocks tripled in five days. 842 01:00:26,100 --> 01:00:29,260 You know something, Joe? You seem taller. I am. 843 01:00:29,300 --> 01:00:31,100 My daughter pitched a no-hitter. 844 01:00:31,180 --> 01:00:33,860 I lost 47 pounds on the Krispy Kreme diet. 845 01:00:33,940 --> 01:00:37,060 Hey, there he is, the man of the hour! 846 01:00:37,140 --> 01:00:40,740 Bless you. Bless all of you. 847 01:00:40,820 --> 01:00:45,460 Be fruitful and do long division or something. 848 01:00:45,500 --> 01:00:47,740 Hey, try that. It's an excellent year. 849 01:00:47,820 --> 01:00:50,580 Hey, Bruce. Who do you like in the game tonight? Hey. 850 01:00:50,660 --> 01:00:53,980 I like the Sabres. Coach prays a lot. Okay. 851 01:00:56,500 --> 01:00:59,900 "And I hear it in the windy storm" 852 01:01:00,020 --> 01:01:02,860 "And I feel it in the icy dawn" 853 01:01:05,140 --> 01:01:08,340 "God gave me everything I want, now, come on" 854 01:01:08,380 --> 01:01:11,540 "I'll give it all to you, babe" 855 01:01:11,580 --> 01:01:14,540 "God gave me everything I want" 856 01:01:14,620 --> 01:01:16,660 Hey, this is Bruce, Grace and Sam. Leave a message. 857 01:01:16,740 --> 01:01:18,580 Grace, are you there? 858 01:01:18,660 --> 01:01:20,620 Hello. It's me. 859 01:01:20,660 --> 01:01:23,300 Hello? Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. 860 01:01:23,380 --> 01:01:26,460 Come on, Grace. Come to the party. 861 01:01:26,540 --> 01:01:28,700 I'll call you later, okay? 862 01:01:30,460 --> 01:01:32,660 Come on, Sam." 863 01:01:34,780 --> 01:01:36,660 Help me out here. 864 01:01:36,700 --> 01:01:38,540 Nature's not doing it. 865 01:01:38,580 --> 01:01:41,780 - What'd you wish when you... - Oh, Sam, don't! Come on! 866 01:01:41,820 --> 01:01:44,220 Come on. Tell me. If I told you, it might not come true. 867 01:01:44,300 --> 01:01:46,700 What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? 868 01:01:46,780 --> 01:01:49,260 You... You want the moon? 869 01:01:49,300 --> 01:01:51,820 Just say the word, and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. 870 01:01:52,340 --> 01:01:54,380 Hey, that's a pretty good idea. 871 01:01:54,460 --> 01:01:56,660 I'll give you the moon, Mary. I'll take it. 872 01:01:56,740 --> 01:01:59,140 Then what? 873 01:01:59,220 --> 01:02:03,020 Well, then you could swallow it, and it'll all dissolve, see? 874 01:02:03,100 --> 01:02:05,980 The moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes... 875 01:02:06,100 --> 01:02:07,580 And the ends of your hair. 876 01:02:19,220 --> 01:02:21,580 Hey, this is Bruce, Grace and Sam... 877 01:02:23,380 --> 01:02:25,300 Hi, Bruce. 878 01:02:27,260 --> 01:02:29,260 What are you doing in here all alone? 879 01:02:29,300 --> 01:02:33,140 Oh, I was just gonna... Oh, uh, I mean... 880 01:02:35,500 --> 01:02:38,060 I was gonna, uh, give Grace a call. 881 01:02:38,140 --> 01:02:42,700 Yeah, I didn't see her in there. So, how are you and Grace doing? 882 01:02:42,740 --> 01:02:45,740 Well, actually, we had a-a bit of a fight. 883 01:02:45,780 --> 01:02:48,660 Kind of... I'm not sure if she's... 884 01:02:48,740 --> 01:02:51,180 You're on fire, Bruce. Hmm? 885 01:02:51,260 --> 01:02:54,220 Some women can't handle the fire. 886 01:02:54,260 --> 01:02:56,980 Some can. 887 01:02:57,020 --> 01:02:59,460 That's interesting, 'cause, you know, I never thought... 888 01:02:59,500 --> 01:03:01,820 we would ever talk. 889 01:03:01,900 --> 01:03:07,300 Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. 890 01:03:07,380 --> 01:03:10,220 Mmm. 891 01:03:11,300 --> 01:03:14,220 Grace! 892 01:03:15,260 --> 01:03:17,180 Aah! 893 01:03:19,260 --> 01:03:22,060 "Everything so confusing" You might wanna stop touching me. 894 01:03:22,100 --> 01:03:25,540 Now isn't a good time. Grace! "Maybe I'm just out of my mind" 895 01:03:25,620 --> 01:03:29,380 Grace! Grace, come here! 896 01:03:29,460 --> 01:03:32,300 Grace, this is so weird. I was just calling you. 897 01:03:32,380 --> 01:03:35,420 Oh, yeah. What? And you thought, like, Susan's mouth was the phone? 898 01:03:35,540 --> 01:03:38,100 L... She kissed me. I didn't... I'm the "kissee." Grace... 899 01:03:38,220 --> 01:03:40,420 Oh, please. Yeah, you were putting up a really big fight. 900 01:03:40,500 --> 01:03:43,260 I tried to fight her off. I tried to stop her, but she's really strong. 901 01:03:43,340 --> 01:03:45,540 Okay, I screwed up. Can I make it up to you? 902 01:03:45,620 --> 01:03:48,620 Yeah! Why don't you, uh, get me a boat, Bruce. 903 01:03:48,660 --> 01:03:50,540 What? Yeah, a big boat. 904 01:03:50,580 --> 01:03:53,860 And then maybe two big bags of cash. Then... Then I'll be happy. 905 01:03:53,940 --> 01:03:55,980 Lots of money and lots of stuff. 906 01:03:56,020 --> 01:03:58,380 Other people want idiotic crap like getting married... 907 01:03:58,420 --> 01:04:00,900 or having babies with the man that they've loved for five years. 908 01:04:00,980 --> 01:04:04,060 But not me, Bruce. Just gimme the boat. 909 01:04:04,140 --> 01:04:06,020 No wonder you stayed single! 910 01:04:06,100 --> 01:04:08,940 Oh! Grace, don't do this! I'm not doing this. 911 01:04:09,020 --> 01:04:11,140 I'm undoing it. I'll be at Debbie's. 912 01:04:11,220 --> 01:04:13,220 You take care of Sam until I can make arrangements. 913 01:04:16,140 --> 01:04:19,460 You can't leave me. 914 01:04:19,540 --> 01:04:21,340 I'm the alpha, lady! 915 01:04:21,420 --> 01:04:24,540 I'm the omega, baby! 916 01:04:24,620 --> 01:04:26,900 Okay, fine. I don't need you. 917 01:04:33,460 --> 01:04:37,580 What's the matter, Bruce? She can't handle a little competition? 918 01:04:38,660 --> 01:04:40,940 The game's been called on account of rain. 919 01:04:55,980 --> 01:04:58,260 An unusually high number oflottery winners... 920 01:04:58,300 --> 01:05:00,180 has New York officials concerned. 921 01:05:00,220 --> 01:05:02,860 So far, 1, 100 winning tickets have been turned in, 922 01:05:02,940 --> 01:05:06,660 all strangely from the Buffalo area. 923 01:05:06,740 --> 01:05:08,900 More on this story as it develops. 924 01:05:08,980 --> 01:05:11,460 Enjoying your party? 925 01:05:11,540 --> 01:05:14,340 Nothing like spending quality time with great friends, huh? 926 01:05:15,380 --> 01:05:18,980 Grace left me. 927 01:05:19,060 --> 01:05:20,900 Yeah, I know. 928 01:05:20,940 --> 01:05:23,260 She'll take me back. 929 01:05:24,980 --> 01:05:26,860 She'll take me back, right? 930 01:05:26,900 --> 01:05:29,500 Would you take you back? 931 01:05:32,700 --> 01:05:34,540 Oh. 932 01:05:34,580 --> 01:05:37,220 How do you make somebody love you without affecting free will? 933 01:05:37,300 --> 01:05:40,780 Welcome to my world, son. 934 01:05:40,860 --> 01:05:43,780 You come up with an answer to that one, you let me know. 935 01:05:53,020 --> 01:05:55,620 Rise and shine, Buffalo. 936 01:05:55,700 --> 01:05:59,220 It's 70 and sunny, and the perfect day to forgive Bruce. 937 01:05:59,300 --> 01:06:02,580 "I don't know much" 938 01:06:02,620 --> 01:06:06,980 "But I know I love you" 939 01:06:09,300 --> 01:06:12,140 Bye. Have fun. You got it. 940 01:06:12,180 --> 01:06:17,460 "Every point of view has another angle" 941 01:06:17,580 --> 01:06:20,420 "And every angle has its merit" 942 01:06:20,500 --> 01:06:24,100 "And do you ever feel" 943 01:06:24,180 --> 01:06:27,980 "That there is something missing" 944 01:06:29,460 --> 01:06:34,260 "There's a God-shaped hole in all of us" 945 01:06:34,340 --> 01:06:36,220 "And the restless soul is searching" Hi. 946 01:06:36,300 --> 01:06:38,940 - Can I get a small coffee to go? - Sure, hon. Just a sec. 947 01:06:39,020 --> 01:06:43,380 K-Tel Records brings you the 100 greatest love songs of all time. 948 01:06:43,460 --> 01:06:47,100 You'll hear such classics as "All You Need Is Bruce." 949 01:06:47,220 --> 01:06:50,860 "If You Can't Be With The One You Love, Then Love Bruce." 950 01:06:50,900 --> 01:06:53,180 "Do That To Bruce One More Time." 951 01:06:53,260 --> 01:06:57,940 And who can forget that classic, "Bruce So Horny, He Love You Long Time." 952 01:06:57,980 --> 01:07:00,820 Order today and we'll throw in at no extra charge... 953 01:07:00,860 --> 01:07:02,980 the video Sweatin' To Bruce. 954 01:07:03,060 --> 01:07:08,700 Just dial 1-900-4GIVHIM. That's 1-900-4GIVHIM. Do it now. 955 01:07:08,780 --> 01:07:12,300 "Do you ever feel" 956 01:07:12,380 --> 01:07:15,660 "That there is something missing" 957 01:07:17,420 --> 01:07:22,100 "There's a God-shaped hole in all of us" 958 01:07:22,180 --> 01:07:26,460 "And the restless soul is searching" 959 01:07:26,580 --> 01:07:30,940 "There's a God-shaped hole in all of us" 960 01:07:31,020 --> 01:07:35,820 "And it's a void only he can fill" 961 01:07:35,860 --> 01:07:38,860 Oh, no, no, no. Honey, no. Oh, gosh, please don't put that in your mouth. 962 01:07:38,940 --> 01:07:40,940 We don't eat that. Oh, that's not food. 963 01:07:41,020 --> 01:07:43,380 Go to the bathroom, please. Wash out your mouth. 964 01:07:43,460 --> 01:07:45,420 Wash off your hands. 965 01:07:45,500 --> 01:07:47,860 God, I swear that kid is gonna poop an ornament. 966 01:07:47,900 --> 01:07:50,180 One more time, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble. 967 01:07:50,260 --> 01:07:52,980 All right. That's it! 968 01:07:53,100 --> 01:07:56,100 That's it! Hi. 969 01:07:57,580 --> 01:08:00,940 I surrender! I surrender! I surrender. 970 01:08:04,740 --> 01:08:07,060 Hi. Hi. 971 01:08:10,420 --> 01:08:13,380 I'm, uh, doing my first anchor tonight. 972 01:08:13,460 --> 01:08:16,260 Oh, wow! That's great! 973 01:08:16,340 --> 01:08:18,340 So how have you been doing? Good. 974 01:08:18,420 --> 01:08:22,700 Yeah? Yeah. Good. Just, um... Debbie won the lottery. 975 01:08:22,820 --> 01:08:24,580 Oh, yeah? You're kidding. 976 01:08:24,660 --> 01:08:29,580 But I guess so did 400,000 other people, so she only won, like, $17. 977 01:08:33,140 --> 01:08:35,540 I miss you. 978 01:08:37,780 --> 01:08:39,780 Okay. 979 01:08:39,860 --> 01:08:42,420 I took the first step. Jumped out on the ledge. 980 01:08:44,980 --> 01:08:47,860 Feeling pretty vulnerable too. I don't know what you want me to say. 981 01:08:47,900 --> 01:08:50,540 Just say you love me and you want me back. No, Bruce. 982 01:08:50,580 --> 01:08:52,780 Come on. What about all the signs? 983 01:08:52,820 --> 01:08:56,740 How did you know about that? Did you talk to Debbie? 984 01:08:56,820 --> 01:09:00,140 Look, would it help if I just said that I was a complete ass? 985 01:09:00,180 --> 01:09:03,660 - Hey, you said "ass." - Yeah, but it's okay if I'm talking about a donkey. 986 01:09:03,700 --> 01:09:06,740 - I didn't say "hole." If I said "ass"... - Wait! Wait! 987 01:09:06,820 --> 01:09:08,860 Okay, you know what, honey? Let's go. Let's go inside. 988 01:09:08,940 --> 01:09:11,940 All right, kids. Everybody inside. Time to go inside. 989 01:09:12,020 --> 01:09:14,660 Grace, please, 990 01:09:14,740 --> 01:09:16,780 none of this seems right without you. 991 01:09:20,780 --> 01:09:22,860 Yeah, I gotta go. 992 01:09:22,940 --> 01:09:24,820 Wait! 993 01:09:26,500 --> 01:09:28,340 Uh... 994 01:09:30,420 --> 01:09:32,260 How do you feel now? 995 01:09:35,780 --> 01:09:38,380 Have you completely lost your mind? 996 01:09:38,460 --> 01:09:41,740 What? Are you drunk? Yeah, I'm drunk. Drunk with power. 997 01:09:46,980 --> 01:09:49,780 Love me. Love me. 998 01:09:50,740 --> 01:09:54,500 Love me. Love me! 999 01:09:55,540 --> 01:09:57,420 I did. 1000 01:10:09,180 --> 01:10:12,300 Yeah, I know... free will. Oh, God. 1001 01:10:12,940 --> 01:10:14,220 More power outages reported today... 1002 01:10:14,260 --> 01:10:16,780 caused by last week's meteorite strike. 1003 01:10:16,860 --> 01:10:20,180 Officials are desperately trying to repair several transformers... 1004 01:10:20,220 --> 01:10:22,860 damaged by the ensuing electrical surge. 1005 01:10:22,900 --> 01:10:26,580 The scene nearly turned violent when hundreds of disgruntled Buffalo residents... 1006 01:10:26,620 --> 01:10:29,580 protested last week's lottery results. 1007 01:10:29,660 --> 01:10:32,780 And doomsayers are pointing to last week's strange celestial events... 1008 01:10:32,900 --> 01:10:35,900 as signs that prophesy is now being fulfilled... 1009 01:10:36,020 --> 01:10:38,540 and the world as we know it may be coming to an end. 1010 01:10:38,580 --> 01:10:41,100 World's gone mad. 1011 01:10:41,140 --> 01:10:43,140 Bruce, 30 seconds to air. Okay. Okay. 1012 01:10:43,220 --> 01:10:46,140 There you are. It's your big debut. How are you feeling? 1013 01:10:46,220 --> 01:10:49,460 You know what? Fine. Never better. 1014 01:10:49,540 --> 01:10:52,900 Show must go on, right? 1015 01:10:54,740 --> 01:10:58,220 The Sabres just won the Stanley Cup. You're kidding me! 1016 01:10:58,300 --> 01:11:01,420 Was that tonight? That's great, isn't it? 1017 01:11:01,460 --> 01:11:03,340 It's getting pretty crazy out there. Uh-huh. 1018 01:11:03,420 --> 01:11:06,820 - We're gonna kick live to Fred at the stadium, okay? - Five seconds to the open. 1019 01:11:06,900 --> 01:11:10,220 - This is it. You ready? - Born that way. 1020 01:11:10,300 --> 01:11:13,780 Welcome to Eyewitness News at 6:00, with Susan Ortega, 1021 01:11:13,860 --> 01:11:17,900 Bruce Nolan, Fred Donohue... sports... Dallas Coleman... weather. 1022 01:11:17,940 --> 01:11:19,820 And now, Buffalo's number-one news team. 1023 01:11:19,860 --> 01:11:22,380 I'm Susan Ortega. I'm Bruce Nolan. 1024 01:11:22,460 --> 01:11:25,500 And here's what's making news. 1025 01:11:25,580 --> 01:11:27,940 What happened? What the hell happened? We lost power. 1026 01:11:28,020 --> 01:11:30,260 Transformer's down again. Oh, geez. 1027 01:11:30,340 --> 01:11:32,740 Ever since that damn meteorite hit. 1028 01:11:32,820 --> 01:11:35,140 It's okay. We're back up. 1029 01:11:35,220 --> 01:11:38,540 We apologize for the interruption. And now back to the news. Bruce. 1030 01:11:38,580 --> 01:11:42,380 Thank you, Susan. I'm sorry. We're going live to H.S.B.C. Arena, 1031 01:11:42,420 --> 01:11:45,420 where the Buffalo Sabres have won the Stanley Cup. 1032 01:11:45,500 --> 01:11:46,860 Great. Fred. 1033 01:11:46,900 --> 01:11:49,300 We're about to uncork some champagne because... 1034 01:11:49,380 --> 01:11:53,740 the Sabres have won their first championship in 22 years! 1035 01:11:55,540 --> 01:11:57,900 What in the blue blazes... 1036 01:11:57,940 --> 01:12:02,300 We'll be back with the Sabres' Stanley Cup victory in just a hot second. 1037 01:12:02,380 --> 01:12:05,180 In other news... Bloody hell! 1038 01:12:05,260 --> 01:12:07,500 For the love of God, what is it now? The whole booth is down. 1039 01:12:07,580 --> 01:12:09,420 No, it's not! 1040 01:12:09,460 --> 01:12:12,940 In other news, fighting erupted in... 1041 01:12:13,020 --> 01:12:17,260 the Gaza Strip today, as Israelis and Palestinians... 1042 01:12:17,300 --> 01:12:19,420 Bruce. We've got a situation here. What? 1043 01:12:19,500 --> 01:12:22,620 - They're rioting right outside the station. - You're kidding. 1044 01:12:22,700 --> 01:12:25,380 The whole town has gone crazy. 1045 01:12:28,980 --> 01:12:31,020 Come on, Bruce. Say something. 1046 01:12:32,100 --> 01:12:35,660 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, this just in. 1047 01:12:35,740 --> 01:12:37,940 Possibly... 1048 01:12:38,020 --> 01:12:42,140 the biggest breaking news story this town has ever seen. 1049 01:12:48,180 --> 01:12:50,020 And I gotta go. 1050 01:12:50,100 --> 01:12:51,980 I'm sorry, Jack. 1051 01:12:53,340 --> 01:12:55,140 Susan, it's all yours. 1052 01:12:58,420 --> 01:13:01,100 Sabres! 1053 01:13:01,140 --> 01:13:03,180 Sabres rule! 1054 01:13:05,660 --> 01:13:09,420 Repent! The end is near! Repent! 1055 01:13:13,900 --> 01:13:16,220 Come back with my bubble gum machine! 1056 01:13:21,020 --> 01:13:23,500 The lottery sucks! 1057 01:13:23,580 --> 01:13:27,380 I only won 17 bucks! 1058 01:13:27,420 --> 01:13:30,020 Channel 7 fries! 1059 01:13:30,100 --> 01:13:32,740 Oh! Oh, no! 1060 01:13:49,540 --> 01:13:52,220 God? 1061 01:13:52,300 --> 01:13:54,140 Are you here? 1062 01:13:56,220 --> 01:13:59,460 Hello? I need your help. 1063 01:13:59,540 --> 01:14:02,660 Clap on. Clap on. 1064 01:14:02,740 --> 01:14:07,300 Clap on! Clap on! Clap on! 1065 01:14:10,180 --> 01:14:12,140 Figures! 1066 01:14:14,900 --> 01:14:17,740 Well, hello there, Bruce Almighty. 1067 01:14:20,820 --> 01:14:22,940 Not as easy as it looks, is it, son? 1068 01:14:23,020 --> 01:14:26,220 - This God business. - They're all out of control. 1069 01:14:27,860 --> 01:14:30,300 It's mayhem. I don't know what to do. 1070 01:14:30,380 --> 01:14:33,140 Well, you're right on time... 7:00. 1071 01:14:36,180 --> 01:14:38,700 The seventh at 7:00. 1072 01:14:52,260 --> 01:14:54,740 All righty then. 1073 01:14:56,500 --> 01:14:59,500 There we are. It's good. It's good! 1074 01:14:59,540 --> 01:15:03,300 It's a wonderful thing. 1075 01:15:03,380 --> 01:15:05,860 No matter how filthy something gets, 1076 01:15:05,940 --> 01:15:09,100 you can always clean it right up. 1077 01:15:09,140 --> 01:15:12,060 There were so many, I just gave them all what they wanted. 1078 01:15:12,140 --> 01:15:14,980 Yeah, but since when... 1079 01:15:15,060 --> 01:15:18,580 does anyone have a clue about what they want? 1080 01:15:20,380 --> 01:15:22,340 So what do I do? 1081 01:15:25,660 --> 01:15:29,100 Parting your soup is not a miracle, Bruce. It's a magic trick. 1082 01:15:30,540 --> 01:15:32,940 A single mom who's working two jobs... 1083 01:15:33,020 --> 01:15:37,020 and still finds time to take her kid to soccer practice, that's a miracle. 1084 01:15:37,100 --> 01:15:41,100 A teenager who says no to drugs and yes to an education, 1085 01:15:41,140 --> 01:15:43,020 that's a miracle. 1086 01:15:44,340 --> 01:15:46,180 People want me to do everything for them. 1087 01:15:46,260 --> 01:15:50,300 But what they don't realize is they have the power. 1088 01:15:50,380 --> 01:15:53,220 You wanna see a miracle, son? 1089 01:15:53,300 --> 01:15:56,500 Be the miracle. 1090 01:15:58,700 --> 01:16:01,260 Wait. Are you leaving? 1091 01:16:01,300 --> 01:16:04,020 Yeah. I see that you can handle things now. 1092 01:16:04,100 --> 01:16:06,900 But what if I need you. What if I have questions? 1093 01:16:06,980 --> 01:16:11,300 That's your problem, Bruce. That's everybody's problem. 1094 01:16:11,380 --> 01:16:13,620 You keep looking up. 1095 01:16:17,060 --> 01:16:18,900 Order has been restored in Buffalo... 1096 01:16:18,980 --> 01:16:21,100 after this evening's downtown riot. 1097 01:16:21,140 --> 01:16:23,820 State officials have suspended all lottery sales... 1098 01:16:23,900 --> 01:16:25,820 pending further investigation. 1099 01:16:25,940 --> 01:16:29,620 No injuries were reported in the melee; however, there were dozens... 1100 01:17:07,420 --> 01:17:12,100 "I've gotta be honest I think you know" 1101 01:17:12,180 --> 01:17:16,140 "We're covered in lies and that's okay" 1102 01:17:16,180 --> 01:17:19,180 Okay."There's somewhere beyond this I know" 1103 01:17:19,220 --> 01:17:21,780 Well, thanks a million. God bless. Oh, not a problem. 1104 01:17:21,860 --> 01:17:25,300 "Hope I can find the words to say" 1105 01:17:25,380 --> 01:17:28,740 - "Never again, no" - Bruce giveth... 1106 01:17:28,820 --> 01:17:31,340 and Bruce taketh away. 1107 01:17:31,420 --> 01:17:35,380 If you don't like it, megabyte me. 1108 01:17:35,460 --> 01:17:39,300 "'Cause you're a god and I am not" 1109 01:17:39,380 --> 01:17:42,820 "And I just thought that you would know" 1110 01:17:42,900 --> 01:17:45,780 Evan. Bruce. 1111 01:17:47,740 --> 01:17:50,220 I suppose you're here to gloat about the anchor position. 1112 01:17:50,260 --> 01:17:52,780 Go ahead. Take your best shot. 1113 01:17:52,820 --> 01:17:55,660 Actually, I, uh... 1114 01:17:55,700 --> 01:17:58,860 I just came to tell you that I've been a royal prick. 1115 01:17:58,980 --> 01:18:02,820 The anchor position is yours. I turned down the job. 1116 01:18:02,900 --> 01:18:06,100 Oh, and I never really congratulated you in the first place. 1117 01:18:06,180 --> 01:18:08,020 Congratulations. 1118 01:18:08,100 --> 01:18:12,660 "'Cause you're a god and I am not" Thanks, Bruce. 1119 01:18:12,740 --> 01:18:15,580 In the financial world, things are settling back to normal... 1120 01:18:15,660 --> 01:18:18,100 in what analysts are calling a fluke market fluctuation. 1121 01:18:18,180 --> 01:18:21,460 You made the right move, Jack. So what about you? 1122 01:18:21,500 --> 01:18:24,460 Are you ready to go back out there? 1123 01:18:24,500 --> 01:18:27,100 And do the cutesy stuff? The lighter side of the news? 1124 01:18:27,180 --> 01:18:30,940 Lower and debase myself for the amusement of total strangers? 1125 01:18:31,060 --> 01:18:33,460 Yeah, I could do that. Sounds like fun. 1126 01:18:33,580 --> 01:18:35,060 Good. 1127 01:18:35,180 --> 01:18:39,020 Okay, Sammy, let's do it right, like all the other dogs. 1128 01:18:39,100 --> 01:18:42,700 I don't wanna make you feel bad, but they're laughing at you. They're laughing at you. 1129 01:18:42,740 --> 01:18:46,500 Come on. Concentrate. There you go. Come on. Pump it out if you have to. 1130 01:18:46,580 --> 01:18:50,140 What am I gonna do with you? 1131 01:18:51,380 --> 01:18:54,420 I know this seems kinda crazy, 1132 01:18:54,500 --> 01:18:56,660 but desperate times... 1133 01:18:56,740 --> 01:18:58,580 calls for desperate measures. 1134 01:18:58,660 --> 01:19:02,300 Yeah. Okay. Okay, Sammy. 1135 01:19:02,380 --> 01:19:04,180 Do your thing. 1136 01:19:04,260 --> 01:19:07,180 That's it. That's it. Good boy! 1137 01:19:08,380 --> 01:19:10,260 Training my dog. 1138 01:19:12,540 --> 01:19:17,300 "'Cause you're a god and I am not" 1139 01:19:17,340 --> 01:19:22,060 "And I just thought that you would know" 1140 01:19:22,100 --> 01:19:25,460 "You're a god and I am not" 1141 01:19:27,540 --> 01:19:30,060 "And I just thought I'd let you go" 1142 01:19:30,100 --> 01:19:33,100 Yes, we did it! We did it! 1143 01:19:33,140 --> 01:19:37,940 "Bow-wow-wow Yippee-yo, yippee-yay We're doin'it doggy style" 1144 01:19:40,220 --> 01:19:41,900 I'll alert Penthouse Forum. 1145 01:19:41,980 --> 01:19:46,220 Hi, Deb. How are you? How's Grace? 1146 01:19:46,260 --> 01:19:49,340 I really didn't come to chat, okay, Bruce? I came for Grace's stuff. 1147 01:19:54,580 --> 01:19:56,460 You need, uh... 1148 01:19:56,500 --> 01:19:59,500 No, it's okay. I've got it. 1149 01:20:05,020 --> 01:20:06,980 I don't, uh... I don't know if she... 1150 01:20:07,060 --> 01:20:09,220 I don't know if she wants that or not. 1151 01:20:12,940 --> 01:20:16,260 This is full. You did all this? 1152 01:20:26,740 --> 01:20:30,020 You know what I do every night before I go to bed? I tuck my kids in, 1153 01:20:30,100 --> 01:20:32,780 maybe have a scoop of ice cream and watch Conan. 1154 01:20:34,260 --> 01:20:37,060 You know what Grace does? 1155 01:20:37,140 --> 01:20:39,180 She prays. 1156 01:20:40,660 --> 01:20:42,540 Most of the time for you. 1157 01:21:03,500 --> 01:21:06,900 Find Grace Connelly. 1158 01:21:09,620 --> 01:21:11,900 The woman does pray a lot. 1159 01:21:13,300 --> 01:21:16,620 Find Grace, then Bruce. 1160 01:21:16,740 --> 01:21:19,620 "Dear God, please help Bruce find himself, 1161 01:21:19,700 --> 01:21:21,620 find contentment, find you." 1162 01:21:21,660 --> 01:21:24,980 "Dear God, please help Bruce. He seems to be struggling." 1163 01:21:25,020 --> 01:21:27,020 "Dear God, give Bruce strength." 1164 01:21:27,100 --> 01:21:28,980 "Dear God, bless Bruce." 1165 01:21:29,060 --> 01:21:31,860 Bruce. Bruce. Bruce. 1166 01:21:33,500 --> 01:21:35,540 It's her. 1167 01:21:35,620 --> 01:21:39,220 Sammy, it's her. She's logging on. She's praying right now. 1168 01:21:40,820 --> 01:21:42,700 Grace. 1169 01:21:46,100 --> 01:21:47,940 Please, God. 1170 01:21:49,420 --> 01:21:52,860 Please. I still love him. 1171 01:21:52,940 --> 01:21:57,900 But I don't wanna love him anymore. 1172 01:21:57,940 --> 01:22:00,580 I don't wanna hurt anymore. Please. 1173 01:22:00,660 --> 01:22:02,500 Help me forget. 1174 01:22:03,660 --> 01:22:06,060 Please help me let him go. 1175 01:22:06,140 --> 01:22:10,700 Please help me let him go. 1176 01:22:29,540 --> 01:22:32,060 You win! 1177 01:22:32,140 --> 01:22:33,980 I'm done! 1178 01:22:34,060 --> 01:22:38,460 Please, I don't wanna do this anymore. 1179 01:22:38,540 --> 01:22:40,940 I don't wanna be God. 1180 01:22:40,980 --> 01:22:44,380 I want you to decide what's right for me. 1181 01:22:44,460 --> 01:22:47,940 I surrender to your will! 1182 01:22:52,980 --> 01:22:55,620 Ah! Huh? 1183 01:23:15,540 --> 01:23:17,420 Am I... 1184 01:23:17,460 --> 01:23:21,700 You can't kneel down in the middle of a highway and live to talk about it, son. 1185 01:23:21,780 --> 01:23:25,940 But why? Why now? 1186 01:23:26,020 --> 01:23:28,780 Bruce, 1187 01:23:28,820 --> 01:23:31,700 you have a divine spark. 1188 01:23:31,740 --> 01:23:36,620 You have the gift for bringing joy and laughter to the world. 1189 01:23:36,660 --> 01:23:38,820 I know. I created you. 1190 01:23:40,140 --> 01:23:42,420 Quit braggin'. See. That's... 1191 01:23:42,460 --> 01:23:44,580 That's what I'm talking about. 1192 01:23:44,660 --> 01:23:46,540 That's the spark. 1193 01:23:51,340 --> 01:23:53,740 What do you want me to do? 1194 01:23:53,860 --> 01:23:56,300 I want you to pray, son. 1195 01:23:56,380 --> 01:23:59,940 Go ahead. Use them. 1196 01:24:02,260 --> 01:24:04,180 Um... 1197 01:24:05,340 --> 01:24:07,980 Lord, feed the hungry. 1198 01:24:08,020 --> 01:24:11,620 And bring peace to... 1199 01:24:13,220 --> 01:24:15,300 all of mankind. 1200 01:24:16,940 --> 01:24:19,140 How's that? Great. 1201 01:24:19,220 --> 01:24:21,060 If you wanna be Miss America. 1202 01:24:21,140 --> 01:24:23,340 Now, come on. 1203 01:24:23,460 --> 01:24:25,820 What do you really care about? 1204 01:24:29,940 --> 01:24:32,260 Grace. 1205 01:24:32,340 --> 01:24:36,300 Grace. You want her back? 1206 01:24:41,340 --> 01:24:44,140 No. 1207 01:24:44,180 --> 01:24:47,020 I want her to be happy. 1208 01:24:48,500 --> 01:24:50,380 No matter what that means. 1209 01:24:50,420 --> 01:24:53,300 I want her to find someone... 1210 01:24:53,340 --> 01:24:57,660 who will treat her... with all the love... 1211 01:24:58,940 --> 01:25:01,140 she deserved from me. 1212 01:25:03,300 --> 01:25:05,500 I want her to meet someone... 1213 01:25:10,340 --> 01:25:13,500 who will see her always... 1214 01:25:13,580 --> 01:25:15,700 as I do now... 1215 01:25:19,940 --> 01:25:22,180 through your eyes. 1216 01:25:22,260 --> 01:25:24,300 Now, that's a prayer. 1217 01:25:24,340 --> 01:25:26,300 Yeah? 1218 01:25:26,420 --> 01:25:28,580 Yeah. 1219 01:25:28,660 --> 01:25:31,260 It's good. It's good. 1220 01:25:31,380 --> 01:25:33,700 It's good! 1221 01:25:34,740 --> 01:25:37,580 I'm gonna get right on it. 1222 01:25:37,620 --> 01:25:39,500 Clear! Whoa! 1223 01:25:39,540 --> 01:25:41,420 That didn't feel very good. Clear! 1224 01:25:41,460 --> 01:25:44,380 Got a rhythm. 1225 01:25:44,460 --> 01:25:46,500 All right. I got a pulse. All right. Let's set him up. 1226 01:25:46,580 --> 01:25:48,420 Yeah. Get the backboard and brace. 1227 01:25:52,620 --> 01:25:56,620 Bruce? Bruce? 1228 01:25:58,780 --> 01:26:00,860 Welcome back. 1229 01:26:00,980 --> 01:26:02,940 You're lucky to be alive, son. 1230 01:26:03,060 --> 01:26:05,380 Someone up there must like you. 1231 01:26:19,700 --> 01:26:22,500 I hear all that stuff winds up in a warehouse somewhere. 1232 01:26:25,460 --> 01:26:27,700 Grace. 1233 01:26:29,460 --> 01:26:31,380 Hi, baby. 1234 01:26:33,100 --> 01:26:36,900 Oh. Oh, my God, look at you. 1235 01:26:36,980 --> 01:26:40,300 I was such an idiot. It's okay. 1236 01:26:40,340 --> 01:26:42,340 It's okay. 1237 01:26:42,420 --> 01:26:44,260 It's okay. 1238 01:26:47,180 --> 01:26:50,060 I don't know what I would have done. 1239 01:26:50,100 --> 01:26:52,180 Oh, God. 1240 01:26:52,260 --> 01:26:55,300 I swear I wanted to be mad at you forever. 1241 01:27:06,660 --> 01:27:08,820 Now you're just showing off. 1242 01:27:19,580 --> 01:27:23,500 This is Bruce Nolan here at Buffalo's First-Annual "Be the Miracle" Blood Drive. 1243 01:27:23,540 --> 01:27:27,140 It's a B-E-A-utiful day, so come on down here. 1244 01:27:27,220 --> 01:27:29,060 Because the life you save could be mine. 1245 01:27:29,140 --> 01:27:30,980 - Ha, ha. - Let's go over here, 1246 01:27:31,060 --> 01:27:34,700 where the Kowolskis have baked a very special cookie just for this occasion. 1247 01:27:34,780 --> 01:27:37,700 Sure, it's a little creepy and a shameless plug, but we love 'em. 1248 01:27:37,780 --> 01:27:41,100 Thank you, Mama. Vol, finger... lose. 1249 01:27:42,300 --> 01:27:44,580 I, myself, will have given blood twice this week. 1250 01:27:44,660 --> 01:27:46,700 For those of you who haven't heard, 1251 01:27:46,780 --> 01:27:51,100 I'd like to introduce you to the future Mrs. Exclusive... Grace Connelly. 1252 01:27:51,180 --> 01:27:53,540 There she is. 1253 01:27:53,620 --> 01:27:57,860 Look at her! Isn't she beautiful? 1254 01:27:57,940 --> 01:28:01,620 Shejust gave blood, and she still has enough left to fill up her face. 1255 01:28:01,700 --> 01:28:05,500 Yes, behind every great man, there's a woman rolling her eyes, folks. 1256 01:28:05,580 --> 01:28:07,420 I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News, 1257 01:28:07,540 --> 01:28:10,260 with all the folks down here at the blood drive, reminding you to... 1258 01:28:10,340 --> 01:28:12,260 Be the miracle! 1259 01:28:13,700 --> 01:28:15,540 You heard 'em. 1260 01:28:15,620 --> 01:28:17,660 Okay, cut it. Thank you, Bruce. 1261 01:28:17,740 --> 01:28:20,860 Thanks, Ally. Hey. 1262 01:28:20,940 --> 01:28:23,500 How was that? That was great. 1263 01:28:23,580 --> 01:28:26,380 Yeah? That was really great. Now, you still have to go over there. 1264 01:28:26,420 --> 01:28:28,420 The nurse is waiting. Oh, do I have to? 1265 01:28:28,500 --> 01:28:32,140 Oh, it's not gonna hurt. In fact, I think you'll find it quite pleasurable. 1266 01:28:32,220 --> 01:28:34,660 Ooh, baby. 1267 01:28:57,220 --> 01:28:59,060 "Are you ready for a miracle" 1268 01:28:59,140 --> 01:29:01,420 "Ready as I can be" 1269 01:29:01,460 --> 01:29:04,580 "Are you ready for a miracle" "It's ready to set you free" 1270 01:29:04,660 --> 01:29:07,220 "Oh, are you ready Are you ready" "Ready, ready" 1271 01:29:07,300 --> 01:29:10,220 "Are you ready Are you ready" "Ready, Ready" 1272 01:29:10,300 --> 01:29:13,140 "Are you ready for a miracle" 1273 01:29:13,180 --> 01:29:17,780 "Oh" 1274 01:29:17,860 --> 01:29:20,100 "Are you ready" 1275 01:29:20,180 --> 01:29:22,540 "Ready for a miracle" "Ready, ready Yes, I am" 1276 01:29:22,580 --> 01:29:24,660 "Are you ready Are you ready" "Yes, I am" 1277 01:29:24,740 --> 01:29:26,940 "Are you ready for a miracle" "Yes" 1278 01:29:29,140 --> 01:29:31,540 Who can take a rainbow, 1279 01:29:31,620 --> 01:29:34,020 wrap it in a sigh? 1280 01:29:34,100 --> 01:29:39,220 "Soak it in the sun and make a groovy lemon pie" 1281 01:29:39,300 --> 01:29:43,220 Oompah. Loompah. 1282 01:29:43,340 --> 01:29:45,740 Doompah. Oh, geez. 1283 01:29:47,740 --> 01:29:49,620 I'm sorry. 1284 01:29:49,660 --> 01:29:52,620 I'm a very rare blood type. I'm A.B. - Positive. 1285 01:29:52,700 --> 01:29:54,980 Hmm. Sounds delicious. Mm-hmm. 1286 01:29:58,940 --> 01:30:01,660 Yeah, well, there, you know, there are storehouses all over the world. 1287 01:30:01,740 --> 01:30:04,620 You know, all over the... with... with tons of stuff on ice. 1288 01:30:04,700 --> 01:30:07,260 And it's... Sorry. You're like this. 1289 01:30:07,340 --> 01:30:10,220 Sorry. Go on. Okay. 1290 01:30:10,300 --> 01:30:12,740 Positive. I.B. - Positive. Okay, sorry. 1291 01:30:12,820 --> 01:30:15,660 I have a "rarey"...Oh! 1292 01:30:15,740 --> 01:30:18,460 She has a "rarey." Okay. 1293 01:30:18,540 --> 01:30:20,820 Well, they need my blood. I have a very rare blood type. 1294 01:30:20,900 --> 01:30:23,500 I'm A.B. - Negative. I'm I.B. - Positive. 1295 01:30:23,580 --> 01:30:26,700 Am I A.B. - Negative or am I... I don't know what you are anymore. 1296 01:30:26,740 --> 01:30:29,820 I'm gonna need a frickin' miracle to get to work on time. 1297 01:30:31,380 --> 01:30:33,740 Vroom! 1298 01:30:41,660 --> 01:30:43,820 Shit. 1299 01:30:47,140 --> 01:30:49,980 Shit! 1300 01:30:52,100 --> 01:30:53,940 That won't work. 1301 01:30:54,020 --> 01:30:57,180 Other stories in the n-n-n-n-n-n... 1302 01:31:01,940 --> 01:31:05,060 The prime minister of Sweden visited Washington today. 1303 01:31:05,140 --> 01:31:08,620 And in other n-n-n-n-n-n... 1304 01:31:10,260 --> 01:31:13,340 In other... 1305 01:31:13,420 --> 01:31:15,260 In other news... 1306 01:31:19,540 --> 01:31:22,340 I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness No... 1307 01:31:24,260 --> 01:31:29,420 Eyewitness Nose. Okay, and clear. 1308 01:31:29,460 --> 01:31:31,340 Be the miracle. 1309 01:31:31,380 --> 01:31:33,900 That's right. 1310 01:31:33,940 --> 01:31:35,980 Whoo! 1311 01:31:36,305 --> 01:31:42,263 Craving big poker? Feast your eyes on Venom. $5 million GTD. AmericasCardroom.com