PAUL: Do you know what today represents?
Nine, Jim. Nine years me and you been together.
Nine we been main shit stains.
I know some dogs that don't even live to be nine.
You lucky if you get seven years out of a Great Dane.
But me and you been putting it in together for nine...
Happy anniversary, Jim.
- I don't celebrate anniversaries. - Jim, open it up.
- I wanna see the expression on your face. - Wanna see the expression on my face?
The expression you're gonna see on my face is "Fuck you."
I hate anniversaries, Paul.
Animal.
How we gonna work this?
Same way we always do. I interrogate him, you write it down.
Oh, so you making decisions now?
I hope the whole 6-9 know you're making decisions.
I'm gonna play the bad guy on this one.
- Doubtful. - Undoubtful.
Highly doubtful.
And you know why? Because you don't play the bad guy.
You just steal all the bullshit lines you hear on TV and the movies that you like.
- And that's not acting. - And it's not stealing. It's called homage.
- What? - Homage.
It's French for, "You better let me do this."
- You wanna interrogate this guy? - Yes.
Okay. Go in there, interrogate him and just don't fuck it up.
Find out who his supplier is and then get out of there. All right?
Yes. You act like this dude can't be interrogated.
You act like he's Godzilla and I'm Tokyo.
Watch and learn, Jimbo. I'm gonna show you some motherfucking homage.
Homage.
Unbelievable.
Homage.
- Whoa, what you doing? - Who the fuck are you? A cop?
No, no, no. Put the gun down, man. Look.
Cops think they can hold me. Hell, no. I'll kill all those fucking pigs.
- You in trouble, B? - What?
- You... - Don't waste my motherfucking time!
Jesus Christ, now he's doing Al Pacino from Heat.
- Help me with these cuffs, dude. - You see this gun?
I killed a cop for it.
["KNIGHT RIDER" RINGTONE PLAYING ON PHONE]
And I took his goddamn phone.
You fuck me on this, and I'll blow your head off.
Because King Kong ain't got nothing on me!
- Who's this? - Now you're doing Training Day?
- Who's this? - You suck as an actor.
You stay out of here!
Get the information, let's get out of here...
...and go get something to eat. - Stop calling here!
- Or somebody's gonna die, bitch! - Like a Reuben.
- Lf it bleeds, we can kill it! - You see? What does that even mean?
Yes, they deserved to die, and I hope they burn in hell!
- Hey, Paul. - What?
You had me at "happy anniversary."
[CHUCKLES]
I got the death penalty in 12 systems.
- Star Wars? - Tell us about the chicken.
- Schindler's List? - Lord knows I love Harpo.
- But if he hit me, I'll kill him dead. - The Color Purple?
The Forbidden Zone was once a paradise.
I got no place else to go!
We're gonna need a bigger boat.
- Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice! - Everything on cable TV.
- Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker! - I've never seen that movie.
I'm not gonna shoot you, Frank.
[WHISPERING] Scarface.
RAUL: Who are you, man?
[IN NORMAL TONE] They call me Mr. Tibbs.
- Bobby, look at this. PAUL: What they got you for?
- Drugs. - Drugs?
You the motherfucker trying to take over my corners?
- Oh, jeez! - You taking money out my pocket?
Police!
Oh, no, I don't sell it, man! I'm a middleman.
- Give me some of that. - Godzilla is coming!
- Godzilla? - Godzilla is coming!
What we have here is failure to communicate!
You gonna spend the night in the box!
Frankly, Raul, I don't give a damn. And where...
- And where is the Batman? - Batman? You're crazy, man. Police!
- Why'd you call back? They don't call back! - Police!
Nobody puts Baby in the corner!
You suck!
No, I swear, man.
I swear they drop the stuff off at my cell phone store, then I take it to the next guy.
- Then what? - That's it. That's all I know.
- Who does the drop? - Who does the drop?
Diaz, all right? Juan Diaz. Juan Diaz.
PAUL: These are not the droids you're looking for.
Sit down. Sit down right here.
What the fuck? What the fuck is going...?
You're gonna give us Juan Diaz, or you're going away for a long time.
When's your next delivery? Look at me.
I was supposed to meet him today, 1:00.
Congratulations. You don't have to go to jail.
- You just been had by White Lightning. RAUL: What?
And Black Thunder!
A couple of dicks.
Time to go deep undercover, Jim.
PAUL: Free minutes. You can call your grandmother, your aunts, your uncles.
Free cell phones here! Free cell phones here.
You should use me to call your mother.
Check it out! Check it out!
- Free cell phones. - You're looking good in that outfit.
No one's... I'm just bored here.
There ain't nothing happening. I think I'm gonna call Debbie.
JIMMY: Right now, while we're working? PAUL: Now, yes, now.
I think something's happening. Something's going on.
Here comes our guy.
Want it? If I ain't got it, I'm gonna get it.
So get it while the getting's good, get it? Check it out.
Free minutes. You can call your grandmother, your aunts, your uncles.
Check it out! Check them ou...
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
BlackBerry?
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
Go ahead. It's okay.
- He took the money, Jim. - Raul gives you the sign...
...you get that guy out of there as soon as you can.
No, no, sorry, man. Chico, no!
Fuck!
[SCREAMING]
- Paul! Hey. Hey, hey, you all right? - Hey, he went out the back. Get the car.
You just shot at the wrong motherfucker, motherfucker.
All units, all units, be advised, be advised:
It's 10-34, shots fired. One man down.
Suspect, Hispanic male, black T-shirt, blue jeans.
Undercover officer dressed like giant cell phone in foot pursuit.
Paul. Paul, where are you?
Stop in the name of the law.
MAN: You see the spokes I got on this? - Police. I need the bike.
- Kiss my ass, cell phone man. - I said, police.
Yo, yo.
Scooby, get his ass. Come on. Get him, Scooby. Get him, get him.
I got him. I got him.
Oh, shit.
Heel, fake-ass Cujo.
All right, I got him.
Bad dog. Get off... Bad dog.
Damn it.
Shoot a fucking gun up here?
- [MOUTHS] Fuck. - Put the gun down, and slide it over here.
Fuck you doing firing a gun on a platform?
Hey!
Fuck!
PAUL: Jimmy! Look out, Jimmy!
- Jimmy! MAN: Hey.
Jim.
I'm doing Lance fucking Armstrong over here and you bullshitting on the ground.
MAN: Monroe and Hodges.
You know, there's a right way of doing police work.
There's a wrong way of doing it.
Then there's a way that you two idiots do it.
Thank you, captain.
ROMANS: What happened, Jimmy?
It just went south.
Right away.
The whole thing went south, Jack.
These new Mexican gangs, they got no style, they got no class.
- They shoot first and run second. - You should've coordinated with Anti-Gang.
You kidding? The guy says it's happening right now.
- We had to make a right-now move. - Anti-Gang and OCCB...
...have been sitting on that neighborhood. One call would have told you.
- Details never matter. - They don't return calls.
I've got waves of Mexican gang members moving in...
...bringing shipments of dope to that neighborhood from Canada.
The Mexicans fly the dope to Canada and bring it through Toronto.
Because of the heightened security along the southern border.
Really? That's how they get it done, huh?
- You looked confused about it. - I am.
That neighborhood is dead to me. Good job.
The good news, captain? We're fine.
The good news is you're suspended. Thirty days without pay.
What? Suspended without pay? What the fuck, Jack?
- Dead informant, neighborhood shot up... - You kidding?
- I got you two burning a sting. - We didn't...
I got nitwit here being filmed beating up a kid and then stealing his bike.
Nitwit here almost got his ass shot off. You beat up a kid?
- I needed the bike. - You can see it on YouTube if you want.
- Really? What, the YouTube? - Good job.
- How many hits I get? ROMANS: Well, there's at least two:
The chief of police and the deputy chief.
Your suspensions are effective immediately. Get out.
Jack. Jack, you remember Ava, right?
- My daughter, Ava? Right? - I know her, Jimmy.
You came to her christening?
Guess what, she's gonna get married in six weeks.
I'm counting on this money to pay for the wedding.
- I don't care. - You don't care?
Do what you gotta do. Badges and guns, give them up.
- Jack. ROMANS: Badges and guns, I said.
- Lf you're gonna make me beg, I'll beg. ROMANS: Give them up.
You heard what I said, Jimmy.
Jesus Christ, Jack.
Nice. Nice.
- Captain, your heart, it's a icebox. - Get out.
[GLASS SHATTERS]
- Should've ripped off that Gumby suit. - Maybe I was getting mauled by a pit bull.
Since when is it possible for a man to outrun a car?
- You are notthe Six Million Dollar Man. - I got hit by a Geo Metro.
It's gas on the right, brakes on the left, Miss Daisy.
Who gets hit by a Geo Metro? So don't blame me for this bullshit.
- Fuck you. - Fuck you.
You.
- You guys are fantastic. - Gifted, even.
To destroy a whole month of our undercover work in mere minutes...
...takes genius-level stupid.
HUNSAKER: Every player we got eyes on disappears...
...when you start your bang-bang shoot-shoot, huh?
MANGOLD: Now, here's an idea. You check an assignment board.
[PHONE RINGING]
You make a call. You do not scramble another cop's eggs.
- Ever. JIMMY: I hate these calls at work.
I gotta take this. Excuse me. Hello?
- Hey, Jimmy, what's up? - Hey.
- It's me, Paul. - What's going on?
PAUL: You see who's standing in front of us?
JIMMY: Mangold and Hunsaker.
You ever notice that Hunsaker smells like 10 Jamaicans slap-boxing in a elevator?
You gotta see their wives, man.
Hunsaker, his wife got three teeth and two of those is in her pocket.
- Oh! PAUL: She got one titty missing a nipple.
They made a movie about these two.
- Kevin Costner and Robert De Niro. - What was it called?
- The Unfuckables. - The Unfuckables. I love that movie.
I'm not gonna lie, I like the idea of Kevin Costner and Robert De Niro playing us.
- [IMITATING DE NIRO] Little bit. - Mangold's wife is very unhappy.
She said he's all foreskin.
- Hey. - That's actually clever.
I'd love to talk about these guys but I gotta run.
- Cool stuff. Later. - I'll see you at the house.
I'm sorry, unrelated business. What were you saying?
You were right to kill that snitch.
And I'm glad you're okay.
You remember Sister Theresa who taught fifth grade?
Yeah, she was way too fine to be a nun.
[IN SPANISH]
POH BOY: She was cool, though.
Taught me how to throw a sick breaking slider.
Those putos are late with my Mercedes, homes.
Once that Mercedes is delivered to me...
...and I get that dead motherfucker's supply chain and bank accounts...
...we gonna expand our drug trade out of Brooklyn.
Take it across the whole East Coast.
And after that...
...we buying a farm team, Juan.
I'm sorry, Poh Boy.
Hector and Tapas stopped to get gas after driving all night.
And when they came out...
...the Mercedes was stolen.
You told me to hire those guys.
You told me the car would be safe in their hands.
[JULIO SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
I will deal with Tapas and Hector myself, right away.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
Bless me, Father...
...for I'm about to sin.
[GUNSHOT]
[BODY THUDS]
PAUL: Can I put the cherry on top of the car?
JIMMY: No. PAUL: You just made me sad.
Shit.
I can't go in there and tell them I got suspended.
You don't have to.
It's my favorite gun, Jimmy. Take care of her.
Thanks, Paul.
- What are you doing with all these badges? - I lose them a lot.
Uncle Paul!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Hey, baby. What's up?
You're doing it, huh? You're doing it.
- Pam! Mama Bear. Looking good. - Hello, Paul.
AVA: Hi, Daddy. PAUL: God, you look good, girl.
- You look good, girl. - Why, thank you, sir.
- I don't know who you are. Getting married. AVA: I'm getting married.
Oh, man, I can't believe it. I gotta go. I'm sorry. Poof. Disappear.
But I love you like the fat kid love cake.
If it comes to it, I got it. Okay?
PAUL: See you later. - I love you.
- Okay.
Well, let's go. Tell me everything. I'm excited.
- Hey. Things going well? - Yeah.
- You excited? - Yes.
- Still getting married? - Yeah.
- Remember what we talked about. Okay? - He's gonna rain on the parade...
...like he always does. - Amazing band.
- What's the name of the band? - The Virgins.
They're a little edgy for the ceremony.
So we just need the deposit checks to send out to hold everything.
- Let me see the list. AVA: It's pretty cheap, actually.
Yeah.
AVA: It's not much if you look at everything we're getting.
Cheap.
Jimmy, um...
...I know 48,000 seems like a lot, but...
...as dream weddings go, it's actually pretty modest.
And if you're okay with it...
...l'd really love to do this for Ava.
Do what, exactly, Roy?
Pay for the wedding, Jimmy.
Well, that's generous.
- Would you guys give us a second? - Daddy.
- Jimmy. JIMMY: We just wanna talk.
- We hardly ever get to talk. - It's okay.
- Go get a drink at the bar. - Be nice.
Get your mom a drink. Look at her, stressed out.
- What are you drinking? - Scotch.
Rum? Nice.
- Rum on the rocks for your stepfather. - It's fine.
- And I'm just gonna have some water. - Okay, Daddy.
- You look beautiful. You really do. - Thank you.
You both look great.
You know I'm a cop, right?
That I work for the N.Y.P. D?
They give me a gun with bullets.
I gotta go out every day, chase bad guys, try and catch them.
All kinds of bad guys:
Rapists, drug dealers, burglars.
But you know what the worst kind of bad guy is in my book?
It's somebody that would try to humiliate a father...
...in front of his own daughter.
His little girl.
- That it? - Yeah, that's it.
- It was good. - Thanks.
Listen, Jimmy. Ava's like a daughter to me.
She's not your daughter. She's my daughter.
Well, that's why I said "like a daughter."
And it's my job...
...to make sure she and Pam get anything they want.
I'm the second husband.
[LAUGHS]
And $50,000 for Ava's happiness...
...that's nothing to me.
You know, that's a weekend in Vegas.
Now, if you can't afford to pay for your daughter's wedding...
...I will.
Because a deadbeat ex-husband...
...who never had to pay any alimony...
...you're welcome, by the way...
...and can't pay for his only daughter's wedding?
Ooh. To me? That's a bad guy.
So why don't you go ahead...
...and keep your little promise to the great city of New York.
Take that gun of yours...
...and shoot yourself, Serpico.
- Daddy? Can I talk to you? - Of course. Of course.
Excuse me, Roy.
Prick.
I don't have to have the big wedding if it's too much.
We can just have something small with a few friends.
Oh, baby, come here. Are you kidding me?
You are gonna have the wedding that you always wanted.
Big, all your friends, everybody.
Even your mom's gonna be happy.
Stop worrying, all right?
- Really? - Really.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
Because I really want a big wedding.
You're gonna get a big wedding. What'd I tell you?
Gotta stop listening to this knucklehead.
- Is he looking at me right now? - Mm-hm.
Fuck him.
What the fuck?
What the...?
Mother...
Hey, Big Al, how you doing? Jimmy Monroe.
Listen, I gotta sell the Pafko.
See if you can find a buyer for me, all right?
Good morning, Deborah.
Good morning, Paul.
Is this yours from last night?
You got me, Paul.
I was celebrating because I finally closed the ramen account.
I forgot.
Noodles every day, every hour of the day, and you just forgot?
Don't change the subject.
Did you drink this bottle of champagne by yourself?
No, I didn't. I had some help.
- Who? - Henry.
- Henry? - Henry.
- Our neighbor, next door? - Henry, the next door neighbor.
How he get involved in our celebration?
Our celebration? You weren't even here.
I'm doing that thing again, right?
- Paul. - But, baby, you my tenderoni.
- And I get insecure. - I know that I'm lucky to have you.
I love you and I married you because you're funny, and you're smart.
And I'm orally fixated.
That's going too far.
You have no need to be jealous of Henry or anybody else, okay?
I'm yours. You have to believe that.
You know you got me open like a research monkey?
- I don't know what that means. - Can I get some?
I love you, booby. Give me some of that.
Hi.
Hi, Henry.
I'm gonna go take a shower. I'll see you tonight.
You gonna be my eyes, little bear.
What's with the box?
Gotta sell the Pafko.
I heard that. I know that's right.
- I'm lying. What's a Pafko? - It's a baseball card.
Baseball card?
- Jim, listen, if you need 20 bucks, I got... - Asshole, I don't need 20 bucks.
I'm selling it to cover my daughter's wedding.
So how much is that thing worth?
JIMMY: Well, it's a gem mint 10 Andy Pafko.
In 1952, when the Topps gum company came out with the first baseball cards...
...Andy Pafko was number one, the first card in that set.
Kids would collect the cards, right?
Then they'd stack them up, wrap rubber bands around them.
My pop...
...never wrapped rubber bands around his cards.
Loved Andy Pafko.
Always took good care of him.
About four or five years ago, they sold one of these at auction for about $83,000.
Eighty-three thousand grand?
Yeah. My daughter's wedding's gonna cost 48,000.
You're about to come off like a fat rat in a cheese factory, Jim.
Yeah, that's if we get 80.
I'd rather chew my own arm off than to have that guy Roy...
...stand up and take credit for it all. - I hear you.
I'm gonna stay out here and I'm gonna call Debbie.
Oh, good.
Big Al.
Mr. Monroe.
- Is that it? Is that the Pafko? - Yeah. That's it.
Just got off the phone with a buyer and he's gotta have it.
And I just have to appraise it. Can I take it out?
- You're talking about the card, right? - For the next four weeks, fuck this job.
I'm coming home to you. It's gonna be me and you. We gonna get freaky.
Careful with the edge. You're not gonna take it out...
[GRUNTS]
- Open up the register. Open it. - But l...
Dave. You want me to grab the cards?
Put your mask back on.
DAVE: He's calling me Dave because it's not my real name.
Just grab anything that looks old. He pays big for old shit like this.
Paul. Paul.
- Paul. Jesus. - I just wanna get you pregnant.
You know, my daughter come out, she be like 11 pounds, 20 ounces.
You know, running around the house with the doo-doo Pamper on.
- This guy's got a gun. - What?
I'm a cop.
[TASER BUZZES]
JIMMY: Ah! - Now I'm a cop.
Now, I need to see you. I just wanna be home with you. You know?
I'll start everything right now, you know?
Hey!
- Hey! - Jimmy, I'm on the phone.
MANGOLD: Mr. Monroe...
...we are the police. We're here to help.
Now, you've been the victim of a crime, do you understand?
I don't have time for this shit.
Whoa. Whoa, guy.
Based on the emotional state, how should we proceed? What do you think?
We get him a psych evaluation. We're gonna take you to Bellevue...
...just to make sure you're okay.
HUNSAKER: Now, for the record...
...how long, actually, have you been a...
...hobbyist?
MANGOLD: Now, were there any identifying marks on the suspects?
Nope.
PAUL: Okay, seven robberies, all with similar M.O.s.
All in Queens, five in Far Rockaway.
It just got me to thinking maybe our guy...
...got his tattoo from a local parlor in the neighborhood.
Now, here comes the genius. Check it out. Bust it, it might blind you.
This is the stuff my mother used to tell her friends about.
"My son is a genius. My son is a genius. He's a genius."
I called all the local parlors, using the robberies as a radius...
...and I think I got one guy that says he might have given somebody...
...a wiener dog surfer tattoo on his forearm.
Ah! What the fuck, man?
It's a cartoon dog surfing on his forearm.
Why don't you tell my partner who Dave is...
...before he draws two unicorns fucking on your face.
- Give it up. - Dave owes me money.
Says he's gonna pay after he hits this house tonight.
He's been casing one on the beach. In Rockaway.
That's all I know, man. That's all I know.
PAUL: It just keeps ringing and ringing and ringing. I mean, where the hell is she?
JIMMY: Just relax.
PAUL: Four fifteen in the morning and she doesn't pick up?
Ask any cop, his wife is sleeping with the phone next to the pillow...
...just in case something happens. She's probably with that Henry.
I am not doing this shit again.
Jesus.
- Who's this Henry guy? - He's our neighbor.
Every morning when Debbie takes the trash out...
...this Henry guy happens to take his trash out.
"Oh, Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, you look wonderful.
How about you come over.
Really? He's working all night?"
"Why don't you come over around 11.
While he's putting his life on the line, I could dickey-do you from behind."
- Dickey-do? - Fucking monocle-wearing motherfucker.
- Know what? I'm calling Debbie. - Give me that. Give me the phone.
- Give it back, Jim. Give me my phone. - I'm not giving it back.
Sick of this paranoid, "My wife is fucking around on me" bullshit.
- It's driving me fucking crazy. - I promise I won't call her.
If you're not gonna call, then you don't need the phone, do you?
- Give me my phone, Jim. - I'm not gonna... Man, what...?
Get off. I swear to God...
- You better get off of me. - Give me the phone.
- Give me my phone. - Head down, I said.
Get your head... What, you happy now?
Jesus Christ. You're a fucking child.
Oh, man.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
PAUL: What? What's going on? - Yo, what is that? Look at this.
- Unbelievable. - Let me see.
They're on the roof. What the fuck is that?
PAUL: That's called parkour.
It's a French martial art to get you around and over stuff.
What are you, Wikipedia?
- Got sand in the binoculars. - That's because you put it on my face.
JIMMY: We lost him now. Wait a minute.
- Oh, man. - What?
JIMMY: Are you kidding me? - What?
He's taking a shit in the house. Look. Upstairs. Where the light is.
Oh, shit. He's taking a shit in the house.
What kind of guy takes a shit in the same house that he's robbing?
I don't know. What kind of guy takes a shit in a high-pressure situation like this?
I'm not shitting nowhere except for my house.
I will pinch it in my ass for hours before I let it go.
But when I let it go, here, she blows.
Here, she blows. The big brown shark is gonna come.
I set records with my shit turds.
I move my bowels all over my toilet.
All over my bathroom, I'm moving bowels.
I shit so hard sometimes...
...people next door be like, "Warriors, come out and play."
JIMMY: Oh, God.
PAUL: What? - We got a problem.
Somebody's coming home. Come on.
LAURA: "All your base are belong to us"? What is that?
These Japanese guys made a video game. They don't know how to speak English.
- That is really, really weird. - Hey. Ma'am.
- What? - N.Y.P.D. Can you come here a minute?
What's going on? Why are we crouched down?
I'm Detective Hodges, this is Detective Monroe.
- Somebody broke into your house. - What?
He's in there. What we need you to do is take your son...
...go across the street to your neighbor's, and wait for us to get you, all right?
I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna go take care of the son of a... B... . Myself.
Whoa, ma'am. I need you to put that gun on the deck right now.
No. F that. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm telling you, somebody's stealing my stuff, I've worked too G. D. Hard.
- You gonna smoke somebody, Mom? - F'ing A right I am.
- Ma'am, just please, put the gun down. - No F'ing way. I know my rights.
Lady. Put the F'ing gun down on the ground right now...
...take your son across the F'ing street to your neighbor's house...
...and stay there until we come and get you.
Jesus C.
You better not screw up any of my furniture. It's custom-made Italian.
PAUL: Jimmy!
[GRUNTS]
Shit.
Did you just fall down the stairs?
- No. PAUL: Shoot him, Jimmy.
- He rubbing my titty. - Put it down.
- I don't mean to. It's just nervous energy. - Hold still, Paul.
Just tell Debbie that I love her.
- Who's Debbie? - She's my old lady.
- Take your hand off his breast. - Kill him, Jimmy.
[SCREAMING]
Let him go, or the next one goes right through your head.
- Drop the gun on the floor. - No. No.
It's brand-new zebrawood, asshole.
Give it to me.
Here. Fucking pussies.
Motherfuckers. What do you think a doormat is for?
Pigs.
MAN: Poh Boy. Poh Boy.
We can get the car back, man.
[MAN SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
Shh.
Juan.
The contents of the Mercedes are very, very important to me.
[GUNSHOT]
Five grand to anyone who brings me that car.
[GUNSHOT]
DAVE: Wow, man. Holy shit. Can you believe that?
That girl almost blew my head off. Feel my pulse, man.
That was crazy. Crazy.
You were there. That happened.
Shut up. I'm on the phone.
All right. I'll be quiet. Hey.
I'm craving cheese right now. Could we stop, get some cheese?
Hey, turd burglar, all I wanna hear is where my baseball card is.
Where my partner's gun is.
- Your what? - My baseball card.
Why you talking to me about baseball cards?
Holy shit. Dude, I just Tasered you, man. Oh-ho!
Man. Hey, did you shit your pants when you got Tasered?
Because I Tasered myself, like, five times one night, I didn't shit my pants at all.
I had a little turtle head. It was like:
Like that, man. It wasn't what I thought it was gonna be.
- Machine again. - Who you trying to call? Your lady?
- Six o'clock. She's probably asleep. - Maybe she's banging another guy...
...and she doesn't wanna pick up the phone.
Dude, just sit the fuck back there and shut up.
Hey, you shut up. Hey. Can I get her number?
Oh, psych. I already got it.
You keep obsessing about this thing, it's gonna drive you crazy.
I know, I know. But he keep on saying stuff.
Maybe your wife suffers from that CCD disorder I saw on the news.
- What's CCD? - Cock-Craving Disorder.
It's where they crave the cock. Any cock, every cock.
She's probably in the middle of a D.P. Right now.
- Double penetration. - [MOUTHS] What?
He said "double penetration."
- Shut up. - You wanna shoot me?
- I'll shoot you in the face. - Shoot you in the face.
What? Shut the f... Shut up.
- Just shut up. - Shut up.
PAUL: Stop repeating me.
Stop repeating...
Shut up, man. You see what he's doing, Jim?
Shut up.
Jim, do you see what he's doing?
- He's trying to live here rent-free. - Don't tap your head with a gun.
- Shut up. - Okay.
- Just shut up. - Shut up.
Man, don't be saying what I say.
- Shut your mouth. - Shut your mouth.
- Not a peep. - Not a peep.
- Duck season. - Rabbit season.
- Come on. - You see what I'm saying, Jim?
- Come on, Jim. - Throw out this motherfuck...
Let's all calm down here.
You're angry, you're tired. I'm going to jail anyway, so let's just all chill out, okay?
Knock, knock.
Jim, don't do it.
Don't do it.
- Lf you value our partnership, don't do it. - Do it.
- Been putting it in together for nine years. - Do it.
- Don't do it, Jim. - Do it.
- Jim, don't do it, Jim. - Do it. Do it.
Who's there?
- Why'd you do it, Jim? Why? - Thank you.
Why? To humiliate me?
- Orange. - For what?
No. No. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
No. No.
No, no, no.
Hell, no.
No. No.
I refu... No. No.
Orange who, damn it?
Orange you pissed your wife's taking it in the ass from another guy?
I'm gonna kill you, mother...
JIMMY: You're gonna tell us where my baseball card is.
PAUL: And where my gun is. DAVE: That's so fucking gangster.
PAUL: That's it. That's it.
Get out, you witty-bitty bing-bong freak.
Witty-bitty bing-bong ass out of the car.
DAVE: Ow! PAUL: You try to run...
...l'll shoot you in the ass.
This is police brutality.
Not yet.
[JIMMY LAUGHS]
- What are you doing? - All right. Last chance.
- Tell me where my baseball card is. - Okay. Okay.
Your baseball card, it's...
It's in Paul's wife's pussy.
- Let's get him, Jim. - At least we tried, right?
- Been nice knowing you. PAUL: You run your mouth too much.
DAVE: You run your mouth too much. - Jim, you see him doing...?
What's the fastest a human being can run?
I don't know, but let's go for the record.
Hang on.
DAVE: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[DAVE YELLING]
Shit. Oh, my dick, my balls!
Oh, Mommy.
What a rush.
You guys are fun, man.
You wanna go on the Cyclone next?
I'm kidding. I'm putting on a brave face. I don't want to do that again.
I sold your gun and card for a few eight balls...
...and some mescaline and some ecstasy and...
You sold my baseball card for drugs?
- Yes. - What's your dealer's name?
- I don't know. I don't know his name. - He's nickel-and-diming us.
How you think he gonna do on the BQE, Jim?
Not good. Let's take him for a drag.
No, no, no. I don't know him. Okay?
He's like el fantasma. He's a ghost. You'll never see him.
Give me his name.
Okay, come on, guys. I don't know his name, okay?
- He uses different kids every time... - His name!
Nice.
Poh Boy.
He goes by the name Poh Boy.
Hey, fellas. Beautiful day, huh?
Believe this shit? Fuck you, homes. You trespassing.
You come straight out of a comic book.
Somebody didn't get enough love as a child.
This'll make you feel warm and fuzzy.
I ain't some kid you're gonna just come shove off a bike, pig.
- Wow, you saw that? - That's right, cell phone bitch.
You know how many hits I got?
That many hits. Now, if you don't start respecting 5-0...
...you gonna make me get my hit count up.
[IN SPANISH]
We wanna know where Poh Boy is.
[IN ENGLISH] Don't do it, homes. Don't fucking do it.
- Who? - You know where Poh Boy is?
[IN SPANISH]
- He's French. - Oh.
Well, Pierre, fee-fee, foo-foo, volly froo.
Dijon mustard, motherfucker.
We going in. Come on.
PAUL: Jesus.
Oh, he got your card.
You guys like my diamond vault, right?
And baseball is played on a diamond. Get it?
So who was it that named you after the sandwich?
Your mom or your dad?
How can I be of service to you, officers?
I want my baseball card.
- What card might that be? - Don't play cute with us.
And don't you raise your voice in my house.
Because if such a card exists, then...
...you know, it might easily get destroyed.
- So you do have it. POH BOY: I ain't say that.
What if someone did?
Are we still playing what-ifs?
All right, what if you had to make some sort of deal to get it back?
What if we arrest your ass?
What if your house caught on fire?
What if your Andy Pafko card...
...accidentally falls into a running garbage disposal?
I think I just had the scariest "what if," homes.
What kind of deal you talking about?
Deal. Man. Let's call it a favor.
- Nothing illegal. POH BOY: No.
No, someone stole my vehicle, officer.
This car has tremendous sentimental value to me.
All I want is for you to do what cops are supposed to do...
...and find my fucking car.
- So the car for the card. POH BOY: If you could get me my car back...
...then perhaps Señor Pafko makes his way back to you.
- And safe at home. - Oh, fuck this.
Give us the card, or I'm gonna go berserk in this motherfucker.
Watch this, man. Boys.
You like that? Yeah, we practiced that shit for an hour.
So shoot. Go ahead. You might get me.
JIMMY: So...
...what kind of car are we talking about?
POH BOY: Those the two from the phone store?
JUAN [IN SPANISH]:
Calculated risk, baby brother. I need that car.
So you follow them.
PAUL: You know the bonobo chimpanzee...
...is the only non-human primate that has oral sex?
JIMMY: Where do you find the time to watch the Animal Planet?
I'm with you 25 hours a day.
I have to feed this. I have to feed this, okay?
Well, you're a compendium of fucking useless information.
Well, I don't wanna look at reality TV because that's the bowels of Hollywood.
I fucking hate reality TV. You're right, it fucking blows.
And I like to see chimpanzees getting head.
You got a point.
[CAR ALARM BEEPING]
Here we go.
So this guy's the biggest car thief in Brooklyn.
Let's be careful.
You just scratched my ride.
- What the hell are you doing, Tommy? - Driving, bitch.
- Get out the car. - Because I'm black?
- No, because you're 10. - Eleven.
PAUL: Get out. TOMMY: I was wearing my seat belt.
Get out of the car, you little repeat offender.
Fuck.
We need to know about the Mercedes that was stolen a couple of nights ago...
...in the back of the mini-mart.
I ain't telling you shit. And you can't do shit. Because I'm a minor.
[JIMMY LAUGHS]
Fuck you too, Professor X-looking motherfucker.
You are an angry young man.
- Messing with my business, bitch. - Whose car is this?
- Your mama's. - You mother...
- What? - You know, I will smack the black off you.
- You can't do anything to me. - Tell us about the stolen Mercedes Benz.
- I'm not telling you nothing. - You tell me something or...
[GRUNTS]
Motherfucker.
I told you be careful.
[TOMMY LAUGHS, THEN GRUNTS]
Paul, did you just punch a little child?
There's things you don't know about me. Fuck a little kid up if he kick me in the dick.
Come on. Let's go. I'm gonna throw you in the river.
- Sick of this. Let's go. - Tell us about the stolen car.
- Fuck you. PAUL: I hope your ass could swim.
JIMMY: Better yet...
...I should take you home and tell your mom what you've been up to.
- No. She'll beat my ass. - Tell me about the Mercedes.
It wasn't me. But I know the guys who stole it. They sold it to a lawyer.
- You all right? - Ouch.
JIMMY: Give me the name. - Kapanowski. Something crazy.
He's Russian. I can get you the address. Just don't take me home.
Get that address.
I'm 11 and I got a better phone than you.
Broke-ass bitch. Yo.
Whoa. Tongues are cut out.
HUNSAKER: Yeah, that's a big thing with the Latin gangs.
They like to remove the tongues so you can't repent your sins...
...to Jesus in the afterlife.
So, what are these boys? Salvadoran? Honduran?
Rudels. That makes them Mexican nationals.
Intricate stitching, higher heel, skin usually of an endangered species.
- In this case, goddamn it, sea turtle. - How the hell do you know that?
I know boots.
MANGOLD: Those are great. HUNSAKER: Thank you.
MANGOLD: I might be thinking about getting a pair.
- No, sir. These boots would wear you. - You don't mean that.
Let me ask you a question, cop-to-cop.
What size do you think those are? I'm a 10.
You might wanna...
[SPITS]
Never wear a dead man's boots.
That is a world of bad luck you do not want a part of.
Sorry. And thank you.
So, maybe we should find out what got these hombres in so much hot salsa.
HUNSAKER: Gentlemen.
PAUL: Still don't understand how he got the rooster to play the piano.
JIMMY: He just puts a little chicken feed on the keys that he wants the chicken to peck...
...so he can play a song.
- It's not that complicated. PAUL: I'm gonna be the bad guy.
No, you're not. You fucked up your whole performance last time.
Bullshit. I was totally believable.
[IN SPANISH]
PAUL: I've been working on my acting. JIMMY: That's not acting.
PAUL: Homage.
- I'm playing the bad guy. - You ain't.
No. You ain't.
Jimmy, you sucker-punching piece of shit.
What are you doing? No, please, don't. No. No. No.
Hey, are you a lawyer? Hey. Are you a lawyer?
Get over here!
- You, come here. - Don't kill me. No, no!
Take her, please. Take her.
No. She's more valuable. She won't scream.
- Drop the gun. - Put that gun down, copper.
- I am a hostage negotiator. I'm a police. - Put it down.
Please, citizens, stand away from that criminal.
- Not a step further, copper. - Easy, big fella.
Easy.
- Easy. - Easy, big fellow.
- We don't wanna... Easy. - Easy, big...
- Shut up. - Easy. Simmer down. Simmer down...
I killed 11 people today. I don't care. I'll kill more.
Eleven people? I am an attorney, I can represent you. I have card.
Don't hurt nobody. We don't wanna hurt nobody. Easy, big fella.
- Where's the car keys? - Car keys?
Right. I need the car. We're getting out of here.
- Easy, easy, easy. - No car. No car. You have my wife.
Go get the car keys!
I'm your friend. Listen. I'm your friend.
- You are in direct violation of code five. - What are you doing?
I'm doing Robocop. You need to stay in character.
- Would you come on. - You need to stay in character.
JIMMY: Outside. Outside. - Just...
You're a terrible police officer. You know that?
- Where's your car? - In the garage. On the side. In the garage.
- All right. I'm taking the dame with me. - Hey, man. Hey, man, take me.
Take me, man. Take my gun.
I feel your pain, bro. Me. I feel your pain.
- All right. I'm taking the cop with me. - Okay.
[JIMMY LAUGHS]
That is what I'm talking about. Meryl motherfucking Streep, baby.
- Totally in character, totally believable. - You were terrible.
Eleven people? You killed 11 people today? And why did you smack me?
I was in the moment...
...and the moment said smack you. - You can't be all the time trying to slap...
Jesus Christ!
- Who the fuck are these guys? PAUL: It's the dude from the store!
What the...?
Oh, the hell with this shit!
What the...?
A goddamn cemetery? Well, that's just fucking great, Paul. Really.
All we gotta do now is just hop out of the car...
...and we can hop in a fucking grave. - Hop.
JIMMY: Hold the car still.
- Let them have it, baby. - Shit.
Now's a good time to do something.
Yeah.
PAUL: This is a pretty goddamn popular car. JIMMY: Let's find out why.
[THUDDING]
PAUL: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
[IN SPANISH]
PAUL: Are you all right?
Hold on.
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
Look. Police. Paul. Police.
- Paul. "Jimmy." - "Jimmy"?
Gabriela.
Grabiela?
Gabriela.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
Let's just get her to a washroom.
GABRIELA:
JIMMY: It's gonna be okay. PAUL: It's okay. It's okay.
JUNIOR [IN SPANISH]:
[JUNIOR WHIMPERING]
You lose the Mercedes.
You lose the girl.
And you get Juan killed. My baby brother.
What?
Five grand's not enough, man? What, I gotta up it?
Fucking 20 Gs.
Those putos go anywhere with that girl...
...man, I wanna know.
I'll take a order of spicy carrots and some guacamole.
What? How's me eating gonna hurt?
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
Chimichinga with shredded beef.
No food, Manuel. I need your help over here with something, all right?
Of course, Jimmy.
- Spicy food. - It's not just for me, it's for the table.
Listen, Manuel...
Manuel, this is Gabriolo. Gabarolo. Gabarolo.
And she's in trouble.
We need you to interpret her story and let her know we're here to help.
But we need to know what happened to her.
Okay. All right.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
She's really scared.
We need to talk somewhere private. Now.
- All right. - Yeah, let's go.
HUNSAKER: Yes. Well, l...
MANGOLD: Got something. Got something, Ray. It's really big.
I am about to seriously blow you...
...away. - Right, well, I appreciate it very much.
All right. Bye.
- I'm sorry, you were saying something. - Got a ballistics match.
Uh-huh.
Now, from the gun found on the dead banger at the cemetery.
- Now, that gun. - Look at that.
- This gun... - That's a gun.
It's in a bag. - Is registered to none other...
...than Detective Paul... - Hodges.
Damn. How did you know? You been in the bathroom all day.
Look what I have, a picture of the crazy clown right here.
Okay. Gabriela was the mistress of one of Mexico's biggest drug dealers.
- The one who got killed? MANUEL: She went to the police...
...and they tried to kill her in her home.
They killed her sister.
Her brother, he paid a man to get her across the border.
When she was going across, that coyote sold her out.
Some men put her in a plane.
Then they put her in the trunk in a car for two days.
And you know the rest.
I'll be right back.
JIMMY: Get me a shirt, will you?
So my daughter's getting married.
It's a guy named Ronald.
He's nice to her, he's nice to my daughter.
When my daughter was born, the first thing that she did, the moment she was born...
...she winked at me. Can you imagine that?
A little infant doing that?
She was trying to tell me everything was gonna be all right.
Always made it easy for me. Even in divorce.
Always made it easy. Easy-going kid.
Really...
I just want her to be happy, that's all.
Her mother thinks I'm a jerk-off. She hates me.
That's why I gotta get this card back.
You know, I just gotta...
One time, I gotta do the right thing...
...and give my daughter this wedding that she wants.
And then I won't look like such a jerk.
You know what I mean?
Jimmy.
Okay.
JIMMY: How many guns did you get?
This is the hidden nanny cam that I had in my bedroom.
And I can't watch what's on here so I need you to press play.
No.
No fucking way.
- Come on, Jimmy. - I am not looking at that.
You are insane, Paul.
You have a wife in that house that loves you.
And you put a camera in her bedroom. You have actually gone nuts.
But I'll tell you something right now, I'm not looking at it.
No.
- Please? JIMMY: No.
Please?
Don't show me the bear.
Hey, honey. Mind your business back there, all right?
- You don't even know what she said. - Neither do you. Put the fucking bear down.
You know what she said?
She said, "Please, Jimbo.
Please look at what's on there, on this tape.
My master's hurting so bad in his heart.
- Please?" - You've lost your mind.
You are insane.
I'm gonna regret this, I know it.
- There's nothing on here. - Yes.
- Yes. Yes, you mother... - Here.
Take your bear, take your bear. Put it in the bag.
- Can we go now? - Yeah.
PAUL: Yeah. Hey, thanks a lot, buddy. Okay.
That was my guy at the FBI.
He says he can help, but he can't be here for another 24 hours.
So until then, we watch the girl and wait.
So I guess I just kiss my card goodbye, huh?
- Jimmy, forget about the card for now. - Think I'm gonna forget Ava's wedding?
You know I want Ava to have the wedding that she wants. But right now...
...my focus is on keeping Gabriela alive. - Think I'm not?
Not when every word coming out of your mouth is, "My card, my card, my card."
[PHONE RINGING]
Jimmy, we're not done yet.
- Yeah. - Jimmy, it's Hunsak...
- It's Barry Mangold. I'm here too, brother. - Nice. You know what time it is?
HUNSAKER: Listen, we found a gun on a known murderer.
Way to go, Sherlocks.
It's registered to your partner. We know Paul's dirty.
Meet us at the Ladder in 20 minutes.
Yeah.
All right.
Going after the card, aren't you?
- I'm not gonna do this with you now, Paul. PAUL: Chrissakes, Jim.
Ava will be just as happy if you let Roy and Pam pay for the wedding.
- Just stay here and watch the girl. - What if Poh Boy put a tail on you?
I'm not gonna let you jeopardize Gabriela's safety.
You stay here or you stay away.
- Don't know what you're talking about, Paul. - Hey, Jim.
- He came. HUNSAKER: He had to.
Up past your bedtime, huh, Mangold?
- Zing. - All right. Thanks for coming, Jimmy.
We need your help on something.
I need to know if you're aware...
...that your partner's piece was used on a hit of a Mexican national.
He's playing coy.
Paul's gun was found...
...in the dead hand of one Juan Diaz.
Juan was the shooter from the cell phone store, you may remember.
- Got himself an older brother. MANGOLD: Poh Boy.
Which is fun to say.
His name is Poh Boy and he's looking to expand his drug business.
MANGOLD: He's looking for any help he can get.
Including cops.
Just wanna know if you're aware of the situation...
...that your partner has gotten you into.
Help us help you. Think of us like your diary.
You guys are just out here playing cops and robbers, aren't you?
Got your guns, your badges...
...your cute little boots.
But really you don't have any idea what's going on.
If you ever try to play me against my partner again, I will fuck you up.
You first.
You should know better.
[PAUL SNORING]
Hi.
[IN ENGLISH]
I think I should tell you something.
This is real nice, but nothing is gonna happen between us.
See, I'm married. And I love her.
[IN SPANISH]
I have feelings for you too.
Not that I don't want anything to happen between us.
I think you're beautiful and sexy.
And you probably even got a bit of a nasty streak when it comes to the bang-bang.
[IN ENGLISH] Bang-bang.
Yeah. But nothing is gonna happen.
[IN SPANISH]
I hope you can respect that.
Hey. Hey, wait a minute. What? What?
I didn't mean anything about the whole bang-bang thing.
No, I can't get in the shower with you.
You're getting in the shower.
[IN ENGLISH]
[IN SPANISH]
[SHOWER RUNNING]
[IN ENGLISH] Don't even look at me like that.
You just a bear. Shut the fuck up.
No.
No. No, Debbie, no.
No, Debbie, no.
JIMMY: Diaz.
Diaz. D-l-A...
Yeah, okay. That's for you, Ali.
Okay, thank you.
Thanks, buddy. Be safe. Take care of yourself.
Hello? Hello?
Hey, hello? Yeah? I'm sorry, did I wake you up?
Hi, I'm calling about the Diaz funeral.
Yes, Juan Diaz. That's right, Juan Diaz.
What time is that? What time is that?
Okay, 2:30, thank you. Thank you.
I'm so sorry I woke you up. Okay, have a good night. Sweet dreams.
Ali, I'll see you. Stay out of trouble.
It's just me. Where's the girl?
She's in the shower.
Have you been crying?
I saw the nanny cam.
JIMMY: I wish you didn't have to see that.
I couldn't let you look at it, that's all.
I've been where you are.
Roy?
Yeah.
Come here, man.
- Look like you need a hug. - Whoa, you really read that one wrong.
- It's just that I'm vulnerable. - How long's she been in there?
I don't know. Does this mean that we're not broken up anymore?
What are you, in the fifth grade? You're my partner.
How long's she been in here? Hey. Hey, yo, open up. I gotta go.
Gabriela, just put a towel on, okay? I'm just gonna... I gotta take a...
Oh, man. What the fuck? You're a great cop. You are a great cop.
- I'm supposed to be holding her hand? - You don't let her get out the window.
You didn't hear that? You fall asleep on the bed, did you?
No. No.
Here, you speak Spanish.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
- I know what peligro means. - What's it mean?
It's Puerto Rican for penguin. I knew that.
What? We got...
Whoa.
That's something...
...that you put in a computer. - In a computer.
JIMMY: That banger that got killed in the cemetery when his car went in the grave?
- Poh Boy's little brother. - So?
So Mangold and Hunsaker put them together.
They think I'm a dirty cop because the shit bandit gave Poh Boy my gun? That blows.
JIMMY: Hey.
Police. We need to use your computer.
Well, I don't know. I'm just a night manager...
...and for something like that, I'd probably have to call...
...and get an okay from the general manager on that.
Translate this, put your GED to work, okay? Thank you. How you doing?
- What do you do? - Housekeeping.
She's an hourly housekeeper. Hourly-rate housekeeper.
- Hey, Jim, check this out. - What?
Now I know I'm not bugging.
Looks like her boyfriend's bank accounts and suppliers.
This could make Poh Boy drug king of New York.
Boom, bam, boom.
Seven hundred and fifty million dollars. Or 7 billion pesos. Either way...
PAUL: Know what I'm thinking? Poh Boy never wanted Gabriela.
- He wanted this flash drive. - Yes, he did.
She's very afraid for you. The note says:
"I have put you in danger. You should not die because of me.
Thank you for your help. You were sweet like chocolate."
I think she's talking...
...to you.
JIMMY: Okay. I got an APB out on Gabriela.
We got one hour while Poh Boy's at his brother's funeral...
...to break into his house and get my card. PAUL: How?
DAVE: You're not very chatty, Darnell. - Will you shut the fuck up?
[TOILET FLUSHES]
I'm just, like, a social butterfly by nature, you know?
Hey.
Do you wanna be my jail cell BFF, without the forced rape?
Look, man. Can't you see that I'm dealing with some real deep shit?
- Can't you see I'm trying to reach...? - Hey, guard.
Hey, guard. You know?
- Guard. - Guard.
- Back the f... - Back the f...
- Hey... - Hey...
You fucking with me?
Are you fucking...?
Back the fuck up, l...
I will jump on the other side and...
You trying to...?
Oh, yeah. This motherfucker.
Yeah. That's, like, one of the things I like to do.
I like to play the oboe too. And I do parkour.
That's a couple fun facts about me. You know what I mean?
Talk to me. Tell me. I wanna know you.
Come on, man. I wanna get inside of you, Darnell.
What's your vibe? What do you do? What do you do, man?
I wanna know about you.
Like, I wanna know your thing, you know?
What's up with you? Tell me.
- I knit sweaters. - What?
- No way. - Yeah.
- Come on. - Yeah, come on, I knit sweaters.
- No, you can't. - Yeah, I can.
- No, you can't. - Yes, I can.
- No, you can't. - Yeah, I do, man.
I could knit the fuck out of a big, nice sweater.
Hey, nutjob.
Someone just paid your bail.
- Yeah? - Who the fuck would pay his bail?
Poopsie. The window you're gonna break in in this house is on the second floor.
Yeah, second-story window. No problem.
We're only gonna have about 30 to 40 minutes with the house empty.
I need you to get in there and get up to the second floor where his diamond vault is.
Probably where he keeps the card.
It's gonna be easier than giving Paul's wife an ATM.
Ass to mouth.
He said ass to mouth.
Yo, that shit's not funny, man.
- His wife really is cheating on him. - Wait, what?
- No. - Yeah, yeah.
No.
No. Why are women like that?
Oh! I feel terrible now.
How are you gonna deal with this, Paul, emotionally?
I don't know. I'm not sure.
Hey.
Don't you give up on love, Paul, you hear me?
- Don't you give up on love. Okay? - I almost gave up.
- Don't give up. PAUL: No, I ain't giving up.
- Because love inspires. You know? PAUL: Yes, it do. Damn.
- And you're full of love. You'll be fine. - Love.
- Full of it. - You are.
- Got a whole bag of it. Yeah. - I can see that.
Yeah, you know something, man? David?
What you just said to me moved me, man. It was heavy stuff.
- You know where I came up with that? - Where?
- When I was doing the thing that I love. - Taking a shit in somebody's car?
- Jim, come on. - What?
When I was watching sunsets on Rockaway Beach.
It's my favorite thing. Most beautiful thing you've ever seen.
- I love sunsets. - No, you don't.
- Yes, I do. - No, you don't.
- Wanna come with sometime? Seriously? - Yes.
Hey, hey, hey. Sit back.
Hey.
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
[PAUL LAUGHING]
What?
- What? - Yeah, yeah.
- Right? Right? - What?
Off you go.
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
[PAUL LAUGHING]
More secrets.
- Is he gonna do more of that parkour stuff? - He's a pro.
- My man. Told you. You saw that? - Hey, Paul.
Oh, shit.
[THUDS]
No!
My card.
PAUL: Oh, shit. He ain't moving. - Hop in there and check his pulse.
I'm not hopping in there and doing nothing.
- You're not gonna help? - It was your baseball card.
He was your friend. You were making out in the car.
But that don't mean I need to hop over there.
JIMMY: You're no help at all, Paul, really.
- I can't feel a pulse. - Are you doing it right?
- Yes, I'm doing it right. He must be dead. - He can't be dead.
- Goddamn it. I was counting on this kid. - He looks like a little angel.
What are we gonna do with him?
- Let's just throw him in a Dumpster. - What? No.
He's not a piece of trash that you just throw in a Dumpster. He was my friend.
- Be right back. - Where are you going?
- To get my card. - Are you crazy?
We gotta get out of here before these people get back...
...and we still gotta find Gabriela.
We got 20 minutes. I'll be in and out. Give me a boost.
Boost? With all due respect, Jimmy, fuck no.
JIMMY: Just push my feet up with your hands.
PAUL: What? - I'm gonna stand on your head.
Just stand still, all right?
Don't step on my head! You stepped on my forehead, Jimmy.
Ta-da!
Ta-da, my ass. You better get that card and let's get out of here before they come back.
[CARTEL DE SANTA'S "VATO SENCILLO" PLAYING OVER CAR STEREO]
[PHONE RINGS]
Talk.
[IN SPANISH]
[IN ENGLISH] We got the girl.
She was hiding at her uncle's house.
[IN SPANISH]
DEBBIE [ON VIDEO]: It's a rock.
[DEBBIE AND MAN LAUGHING]
MAN: Oh, boy.
DEBBIE: I'm gonna get a rubber. MAN: Okay.
Hi, Paul.
I found your little camera. Is this what you wanted, huh?
Is this what you wanted? Remember my gay cousin, Eric?
Hi. How are you?
That's her gay cousin.
Fuck you, Paul. How can you not trust me?
Trust her, buster.
That's her gay cousin.
- All I do is sit here and worry about you. - Worry.
And this is what you do? I love you.
That is her gay cousin!
Yes. That's her gay cousin. Look, motherfucker, look.
That's her gay cousin. That's her gay cousin. You motherfuck...
[IN SPANISH]
GABRIELA [IN SPANISH]:
Fuck.
[PHONE RINGS]
- [WHISPERING] Paul, not now. - Jimmy. Jimmy, guess what?
She didn't do it. She didn't cheat. Debbie did not cheat.
- That was her cousin. - That's great, buddy.
It was a goof. Oh, man, it was their...
...fuck-you-for-putting-the- camera-in-the-room thing.
I just had to watch longer.
Good, because you know what else you should be watching?
- What's that? - The whole Mexican army...
...is dragging Gabriela in through the fucking garage.
- Jim. I'm coming to get you. - No, no, no. Stay where you are.
- I'll text you. - All right.
MAN: We got a fighter, man.
[PHONE BUZZING]
Oh.
Okay.
MANGOLD: You know, I've been thinking. HUNSAKER: Uh-huh.
Poh Boy? We only have his dead brother as a connection to the killings.
You know, we don't actually have anything that implicates Poh Boy directly.
More importantly, nothing that ties Jimmy and Paul to Poh Boy.
- That's the balls. - Why don't we go directly to the source.
Why don't we put the squeeze on this Poh Boy son of a bitch...
...until he makes us some truth juice, huh?
- Make us some what? - Not from concentrate.
- Let's go make us some truth juice. - Let's do it.
[IN SPANISH]
[IN ENGLISH] She's got moxie.
[MUFFLED YELLING]
[IN SPANISH]
GABRIELA:
TINO: Andy Pafko.
- [IN ENGLISH] What you want, twat? - Come on, papi chulo.
Is that any way to talk to baseball legend Andy Pafko, Mr. Dickhead?
Or should I say:
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
That's chicken head, vato.
You sure?
The number you have reached is not in service. Bye-bye, now.
Then I guess I gotta take this crucifix to the Federales, then.
- You bring it to me or she dies. - Fuck you.
You come to us. One hour, under the Pulaski Bridge, bring the girl and the card.
- One hour. - Put the girl on the...
They got what I want.
They want me to meet them under the Pulaski Bridge.
You and your best shooters stay with me. Everyone else goes to the bridge.
Okay, when those dicks show up, you kill them.
And you bring me that crucifix.
JIMMY: Oh, shit.
Did you remember to take your pills?
Yes. Thank you.
MANGOLD: Hey, do you think you'll still come to that jazz thing later?
HUNSAKER: I don't.
JIMMY: Shit.
What the...?
HUNSAKER: Wanna get some Indian food after this?
I'm still full from all that cheese.
[PAUL YELLS]
[GUNFIRE]
[HUNSAKER GRUNTS]
[MEN YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
- What the fuck are you guys doing here? - What are you doing here?
- What did we walk into? - How's he doing?
- Ray? - I think it went through.
- Pressure on it, Ray. - How you doing?
- Where's the car? - Over there.
- Hey, you think you can make it there? - No, I will not leave him.
Listen to me, man. You gotta go call this in or else he ain't gonna make it.
He's afraid of getting shot.
- Don't let me get shot. - I'm not gonna let you get shot. Be brave.
- Okay, count for me. - One. Two. Three.
Go.
Officer down. All patrols, respond.
JIMMY: Ow!
Oh, come on.
Yo, you got my shoe?
POH BOY: Come on. You two, take upstairs.
Kill anything that tries to get in.
[IN SPANISH]
[WHISPERING] Stay low, stay low.
Yo.
[MOUTHING] I'm going in. In one, two, three.
- Did you get him? - His head's not there. Does that count?
Yeah.
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
JIMMY: Yoo-hoo! - Ah!
[YELLING]
Hey. Hey!
Jim, I just got shot.
[SPEAKS IN YIDDISH]
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
POH BOY: I hear you whispering sweet nothings to each other.
You better not be blowing each other in my house.
We're not, you prick.
POH BOY: Hey, the only thing keeping you guys here is the girl.
And I just want my flash drive. So, what do you say we trade, huh?
You ready?
I'm ready. Let's go be great.
Do you even listen to yourself sometimes?
- You trespassing, detectives. - Call 911.
[SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE]
Pretty fast, homes.
Yeah, but I could still kill the fuck out of her before they put me in bracelets.
Don't kill the fuck out of nobody. Just let her go.
[IN SPANISH]
[IN ENGLISH] You know, you two putos want her to keep this pretty face...
...you better bring my fucking flash drive.
[IN SPANISH]
POH BOY:
I don't believe this motherfucker. He's a nincompoop.
You're a nincompoop. You know that?
Send the girl over here, we give you the flash drive, everybody go home happy.
Oh, man, you think I'm gonna give up a hostage, homes?
[POH BOY LAUGHS]
Me and this bitch are gonna go for a little ride.
All right? You get all these pigs out of here and get a car waiting for me out front.
[IN SPANISH]
[IN ENGLISH] I'm gonna bust your fucking head open.
You know how tired we are from killing all your friends?
You should have quit while you was ahead, homey.
- You got him? - Yeah, I got him.
Y'all ain't gonna shoot me.
[IN SPANISH]
On three.
POH BOY [IN ENGLISH]: Man, you ain't gonna shoot nobody, man.
That's right, you ain't got the fucking balls.
That's one, two, shoot on three? Or one, two, three, then shoot?
- One, two, three, then shoot. PAUL: There you go getting mad.
- Always one, two, three, then shoot. - I'm not good at math.
[IN SPANISH]
- [IN ENGLISH] Come on, man. - Are you ready?
- Yes. - One.
[GABRIELA SCREAMS]
Motherfucker.
MANGOLD: Careful, you guys.
HUNSAKER: It's all right, kid. They know what they're doing.
MANGOLD: Want me to ride with you in case you die?
I want you to stay here and finish the job.
Hey, Barry.
Those boots fit you well.
PAUL: It's okay. You're "safe-o."
[SPEAKING IN BROKEN SPANISH]
She has all of it. She has everything you need.
[IN ENGLISH]
No goodbye kiss for "Jimmy," huh?
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
- Where are you going? - To get my card.
Hey. Detectives. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Fucking shit.
You got some nerve, you two.
Captain...
Suspended but still backing up Mangold and Hunsaker on their investigation?
- No. I mean, well, we... - Yeah, Mangold told me all about it.
- He did? - Captain, we were...
No, no, no, you did good. You did good.
You saved the lives of two of my guys. Putting you both up for a Combat Cross.
- Ah! - Sorry, Paulie.
JIMMY: Doc, whoa, whoa, whoa. Doc, listen.
- I gotta check this body for evidence. - Do me a favor, use a glove. Use a glove.
Open it up.
PAUL: There's some Swiss cheese upstairs, go check it out.
CORONER: Be quick about it, huh? I got a week's worth of dead.
Just go find something to do for five seconds.
Glad I shot you in the corazón, el Poh Boy.
"Corazón" means "heart." Gabriela hipped me to that.
Mm-hm. That's right.
You didn't shoot him in the corazón, okay?
- You must have shot him in the shoulder. - I shot him in the heart. You crazy?
Excellent shot, right there.
So I got shot too, you know?
Only reason why I ain't passed out yet is because I wanted...
That ain't my shot.
No, that ain't my shot. There's muscle memory at the Academy.
They teach you, better aim for the arteries and stuff like that. That ain't my shot.
I'm sorry, Jim. Jimmy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
[PAUL SOBBING]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Jimmy. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Jim.
- Fuck. - Jimmy.
Can we say a prayer together?
Come on, man. Drinking ain't gonna make things better, gonna make things worse.
Got some 20/20 Mad Dog back there?
I know how you feel about the Pafko, man. I can get my hands on a Reggie Jackson.
Hey, Pam. What's up, sugar?
Turn around, let me get a look at you. Right on, mama.
If God created anything better than you, he keeping it for his mother-loving self.
JIMMY: Nice seeing you. - Take care, Pam.
Let's dance. Come here.
You having a good time today?
Let's get out of here, come on. One time.
We'll go to your dad's house. In the back of the Lincoln...
- I'm glad you're in a really good mood. - Yeah, I'm in a great mood.
- I wanna ask you a little favor. - Okay.
I want you to let Roy give Ava away with you.
When the priest says, "Who gives this woman away?"
You and Roy both stand up and you say together, "We do."
Come on, that's fair. He's paying for the wedding.
Are you high?
You're gonna do this for me, Jimmy, because you owe me.
Because if you don't...
...if you ruin my daughter's wedding day for me, the way you did everything else...
...I will rip your fucking balls off.
- Hey, you. - Hey.
- You need anything, baby? - No, thanks, I'm fine.
Oh, you sure are.
- You like your necklace? - Oh, yeah, I love it.
You know there's more where that came from.
Honey, I don't want you to keep buying me things.
I love you and I forgive you.
You just need to pull that jealousy thing way back.
Thank you. And I love you.
And you look so pretty and sweet, like Bambi.
PRIEST: "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He maketh me lie down in green pastures.
He leadeth me beside still waters.
He leadeth me in the path of righteousness for his namesake.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child...
...I understood as a child, I thought as a child.
But when I became man, I put away childish things.
Faith, hope, and love...
...these three. But the greatest of these is love."
And who gives this bride away?
Hey, hey, hey. Sit down. Sit down.
Stand up and I'll blow your fucking kidneys out. All right?
He should probably do it.
PRIEST: And who gives this bride away?
I do.
I love you.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
- Hey, sweetie. MAN: Hi, sweetie.
So, um...
...I was thinking we could go out to dinner. MAN: Oh, dinner. Where are we going?
Could you hang on for just a sec, hon? Thanks.
- Hello? MAN [IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]: Hello?
Is this some kind ofjoke?
MAN [IN DEEP VOICE]: Why? Do you like jokes?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
MAN [IN NORMAL VOICE]: Open.
- Open who? - Open the fucking bag, bitch.
Hi.
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
Yes.
[ENGLISH - US - SDH]