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[crickets chirping]
//[Glass Concrete & Stone by David Byrne playing]
/ Now I'm wakin' at the crack of dawn /
/ To send a little money home /
/ From here to the moon /
/ Is risin' like a discotheque /
/ And now my bags are down and packed /
/ For traveling /
(anchor woman) After months of speculation
analysts expect an announcement this week
that GlobeCom International will acquire Waterman Publishing
and its flagship magazine, Sports America.
The man at the helm of GlobeCom,
billionaire media magnate Teddy K.
has been on a spending spree recently,
acquiring a food service company, a cable operator
and two telecommunications providers
in deals totaling more than $13 billion.
And how did one lucky ferret owner come to own
the largest dog treat manufacturer on the East Coast?
/ Skin, that covers me from head to toe /
/ Except a couple tiny holes /
/ And openings /
/ Where, the city's blowin' in and out /
/ This is what it's all about /
/ Delightfully /
/ Everything's possible /
/ When you're an animal, not inconceivable /
/ How things can change /
/ I know /
/ So I'm puttin' on aftershave /
/ Nothin' is out of place /
/ Gonna be on my way /
/ Try to pretend /
/ It's not only /
/ Glass and concrete and stone /
/ That it's just a house, not a home //
(Dan) Mr. Kalb.
Dan.
Thanks for the Lakers tickets.
You bet.
Seats were terrific.
But l'm still not going to advertise in the magazine.
My son-in-law tells me that people don't read much anymore.
Too much effort moving the eyes back and forth.
So we're gonna put most of our budget
into television, radio, lnternet.
Okay.
''Okay''? What does that mean?
l'm not gonna try to sell you.
Why the hell not? You're a salesman.
Yeah. Just not a very good one, that's all.
l'll say.
But l am gonna ask you one favor.
Oh, yeah?
l'm gonna leave you an issue of the magazine.
And l'm personally gonna send you a new one every week.
Now, l'll call you in a few weeks,
and if you want to, we'll talk.
There's a great article in there
comparing today's quarterbacks with Johnny Unitas.
[scoffing]
Unitas would kick their butts.
[chuckles]
So, this is your sales pitch?
l've been with the magazine for 20 years. l believe in it.
Well, good for you.
So, are you worried about all these rumors
that your parent company is about to be sold?
No, not really.
l don't see how it would affect us.
Well, hopefully it won't.
You know, that Teddy K. character
offered to buy my business a few years ago.
l told him to go screw himself.
[chuckling]
My son-in-law says l'm a dinosaur.
Don't knock dinosaurs. They ruled the earth for millions of years.
[chuckling] They must've been doing something right
(Carter) Simply put, we are never gonna be able to reach
this significant, untapped market,
until we learn to think like them.
ln point of fact,
less than .05 percent of all cell phone users
are under the age of 5 years old.
That's why we have the T-Rex phone
and the Triceratops phone, and the Pterodactyl phone.
'Cause it's gonna change all of that
and each one of these phones has its own unique ring.
[roaring]
[mimicking child] Mommy, Mommy, l want one.
Buy me one for Christmas.
P.F.G., Carter. P.F.G.
What's P.F.G.?
Pretty fricking good.
Gentlemen, ladies. l have an announcement to make:
lt's on.
Teddy K. has busted his move
and we are taking over Waterman Publishing.
Ow!
Let's give it up for Teddy K.
[hooting]
The man has vision. He's a maniac.
And, l guess it's okay to tell you Teddy K.
has personally asked me to go over there
and turn around marketing in the magazine division.
So, if you'll excuse me...
Carry on.
Waterman! That's incredible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mark. Mark, you're taking me with you.
Tell me you are taking me with you.
Carter, l'm gonna take that place
and whip its fat ass into shape.
And... And?
l want you to come run ad sales at Sports America.
l knew it. l knew it.
The magazine's a cash cow.
lt's the cornerstone.
l mentioned your name to Teddy K.
He liked what you did with cell phones.
Oh, hold up, hold up. l'm...
l'm sorry. Teddy K. knows my name?
l'm gonna tell you something.
And l don't want it to go to your head.
You're being groomed.
l'm being groomed? Yeah.
Mark. Thank you.
Thank you. l am going to kick so much ass for you.
l'm gonna take no prisoners.
l'll be your ninja assassin.
Wow. You're the new me.
No, l'm the new me.
Congratulations.
[chuckling]
What's up?
[engine starting]
[knocking on door]
Hey, Dad.
Hey, button.
What are you still doing awake?
Couldn't sleep.
Can't sleep?
What, were you worried about something?
No, not really.
[sighing]
'Cause, uh,
you know if--if--if you are worried about something
you can always talk to me about anything.
Remember? You know
when you were a little girl we crossed our hearts
and said we'd always tell each other everything.
Be honest with one another.
[chuckling]
Yeah.
l'm kind of tired.
Hmm. Okay.
We still gonna hit tomorrow?
Yeah, sure.
All right. l'll see you then. l love you.
l love you, too.
[Ann grunting]
[sighing]
Hmm.
Uh, what time is it?
lt's after 3:00. Go back to sleep, honey.
Sorry l woke you up.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Honey,
does Alex have a new boyfriend?
Uh, no.
W-What about that Myron kid?
l think that they're just friends.
Yeah.
[whispering] l'm pregnant.
What?
[sighing]
l'm sorry. l thought you said that you were pregnant.
Yeah.
You can't be pregnant.
Yeah, l can. l'm... l am.
Now, how could that happen?
Well, l think that you were there, too.
No, honey.
You know you're done with all that.
That's what Dr. Steinberg said, but he was wrong.
You're pregnant? Yep.
Holy crap.
Holy crap!
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Does it feel like a boy?
Right now it feels like a stomach flu.
You can't be serious. Are you serious?
[whispering] l am serious.
[moaning]
This is fine. This is fine.
This is... This is fine.
Yeah.
That means when he's 21,
l'll be 72.
Three.
Two. Three.
Holy crap.
l'm just so excited. l'm so excited.
ls excitement contagious or what?
Um, no.
l'm being groomed. l'm being groomed.
Do you have any idea what this means?
That you're a chimpanzee?
lt means that we're on the road.
You know, things are fallin' into place.
We can buy a bigger house.
We can have kids. You know?
[chuckling]
l'm sorry. We got a life going on here!
Carter, it's 3:00 a.m.
How much more enthusiasm are we looking at here?
15 minutes? An hour?
Honey, l'm sorry.
lt's just, Teddy K. knows my name.
Are you even qualified for this job?
What? Yes. Sure.
Selling cell phones, selling ad space.
You know, it's all the same crap.
Anyway, it's just a stepping-stone.
Love you.
Love you, too.
The light. Yep.
[dog barking]
We're all gonna get fired.
Well, anything's possible.
No, it's not possible. lt's probable.
(Lou) Did you hear about this Teddy K. guy?
Hear about him? Everybody's heard about him.
l heard he's an albino, but he covers it with makeup.
Alicia. Yes. What?
Are you fired?
What? No! What? Why?
You haven't heard anything.
Why? Are you fired?
Uh, l'm sorry.
Are--are you saying l'm fired?
No, no, not yet. l mean not yet, Dan.
l'm... l can't predict the future. Um,
the thing is, Dan,
you're not head of ad sales anymore.
Carter Duryea is.
Who is Carter Duryea?
Some hotshot from GlobeCom.
This a bummer, Dan. lt's a real bummer.
But you're lucky. A lot of people are getting canned immediately
across the company.
Are you getting fired?
Me? No.
This is a joke. This is a joke.
We have had our biggest year ever this year.
My sales team works incredibly hard.
l'm not gonna put up with this.
Well, you have to put up with it.
What are you gonna do, start somewhere new?
You're not a kid anymore.
You know how tough it is out there.
People are cutting back.
They're not looking for guys like you who make a decent salary.
Hey, buddy, l am as pissed off about this as you are.
So then why are you smiling?
l'm not smiling.
Yeah, your lips are curling up.
They do that naturally, Dan.
[sighing]
[cars honking]
[elevator bell dings]
Hold up! Hold up! Thank you. Thanks.
[Alex clearing throat]
47. Are you going to Sports America offices?
Yeah.
You an intern or something?
Uh, no, my dad works there.
Oh.
Are you interning there?
No, l'm starting a job there today.
That's cool. Congratulations.
Oh, thank you.
l'm totally scared shitless. l have no idea what l'm doing.
Don't tell anyone, okay?
Okay.
[elevator bell dinging]
Please.
Thank you.
[sighing]
(Theo) Dan, your daughter's here. She is?
Hey, boss, what's this gonna do to our stock options?
l have no idea. Don't call me ''boss.''
Now, look. l insist. Let me take that.
No, that's okay. l'll hold onto it. Oh, no, really.
Dan, you hear anything? Are we fired?
Mr. Colon is so excited to work with--
Oh, God. l'm sorry. Christ.
(Carter) No, l'm sorry. You okay?
l'm fine. lt was all my fault.
Uh, you okay?
Yeah, uh, no broken bones.
No harm, no foul. Terrific.
(receptionist) Okay, terrific.
Hey, champ.
Hi, what are you doing here?
Tennis.
Oh, sorry. Yeah. Yeah.
Why? ls today a bad day?
Ah, no.
No, no, it's--it's fine. lt's just... To hell with it.
Let's...
Let's go. Come on.
Okay.
[grunting]
You all right?
[grunting]
Man, you sort of sucked today.
[snorting]
l was just holding back to give you some confidence.
Yeah, right. Yeah.
You're an old man.
[grunting]
Hey, Dad.
Yeah?
Remember when l said l might want to transfer to NYU?
Yeah.
Well, l got in.
What, to NYU?
Yeah.
Sweetheart, that's fantastic.
Yeah.
l'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
You'd--you'd have to live here in the city, though.
Yeah. And, uh, l want to study creative writing.
And NYU has such a great program.
But what about SUNY and the tennis team?
Dad, l'm not gonna be a professional tennis player.
Well, look, sweetheart, being a writer is just as tough.
You're living in the city and l don't-- l don't-- l don't like that idea.
This is a lonely place.
You got to have street smarts.
l don't think that's such a good idea.
Dad,
l want to try living in the city.
And
l know that NYU is more expensive,
but it would be such a great experience for me.
Yeah. lt is more expensive.
Yeah.
But
it's your education.
Yeah.
That's the most important thing, right?
Yeah.
We could manage it.
[exclaiming]
Dad!
What?
You're drenched.
Oh. Oh.
l think you're gonna be very happy here.
You're really stepping into an all-star team.
Oh, uh, this is Morty Wexler.
Morty, Carter Duryea.
Duryea. You're on the Ford account, right?
Correct.
Well, it's a pleasure to meet you.
You, too. l'm really looking forward to working with you.
Oh, terrific. Thanks.
Okay.
''l really look forward to working with you.''
[sucking]
Bite me.
Uh, we have a terrific office for you.
Great view. Um, lt's not cleared out yet. But, uh...
Not bad, huh?
Uh, excuse me a second? l'm going to use the little boys' room.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Tasty.
[elevator bell dinging]
[door opening]
May l help you?
Oh, l'm sorry. This is your office.
Yeah.
You're the guy l bumped into.
Dan Foreman. Carter Duryea.
You're Carter Duryea?
Yes, and, uh, it's a pleasure to meet you.
The Carter Duryea that's come in to run ad sales?
That's correct.
How old are you?
l'm 26 years old.
Twenty-six
and you're my new boss.
[chuckling] Uh, l guess so.
That's, uh, that's quite a...
[chuckling] That's quite a kung-fu grip you got there, Dan.
Oh, well. So,
what kind of experience do you have in ad sales?
Uh, well, l'll be honest with you, Dan.
Not much.
How much?
Um...
None.
That's not much.
But l'm a fast learner, Dan.
Hey, now that you know how old l am,
how old are you?
l'm 51 .
Fif... Wow!
[both chuckling]
Wow. That's crazy. Yeah.
That's like a year older than my dad, so that's weird.
Oh, well, this is... This is great.
You two have met.
Are you kidding me? We are old buddies by now.
Dan, it was a pleasure to meet you.
Pleasure.
Um, Dan, you want this door closed? Or...
[clearing throat] Yeah, you can go, um, go ahead and close it.
[door closing]
[metallic clanking]
So it was pretty unexpected.
But it's--it's like a pretty big promotion.
That's fantastic! Way to go.
So, uh, the Boxster S has more guts.
You'll sure feel the extra horsepower.
But if you really wanna go,
l'd say take the 91 1 Carrera.
l'm gonna go with the 91 1 .
//[Sister Surround by Soundtrack of Our Lives playing]
[sighing]
/ You're a rhyme without reason /
/ And you know it so well /
/ Well, who's the king of the season /
/ Well, you never can tell /
Go ahead.
/ Though it's so plain to see /
Carter.
/ Surround sister /
/ 'Cause I'm not afraid to fall /
Yeah.
/ No, I'm not afraid to fall //
[engine revving]
[glass shattering]
[whooshing]
Jackass!
[clanking]
[crickets chirping]
[door closes]
Hey.
Hi.
Uh, l hurt my arm. But l-l'm okay.
l'm glad you're okay.
Carter.
Kimmy.
Kimmy, again?
[chuckling]
Seven months? We've been married...
Come on.
Okay, l know things have been a little off.
l've been swamped at work.
l mean, God, l should have taken you on a real honeymoon.
Well, l should have just shut that cell phone off. lt was...
lt was ringing off the hook.
That's--that's my bad.
You know, this whole thing is my fault.
Okay, here's the good news.
l can change. l'm gonna change.
This--this has actually been a very good lesson for me. Thank you.
Don't try to sell me, Carter.
l love you, Kim.
Kim, l want to have kids with you.
But l don't want to have kids with you.
l don't even know if l want to have kids.
l told you that.
l told you that on our second date.
Wow, l thought you were kidding.
Carter, is this really such a surprise to you?
Are you sleeping with somebody else?
l was, but l broke up with him.
Well, it must have been really rough on him.
Well,
l'll be at my parents'.
They're really excited to have me back.
[heart beating]
[door closing]
(doctor) We're gonna hear two heartbeats now.
(Ann) Mmm-hmm.
That strong, slower one is yours, mom.
[heart beating fast]
And that... that's your baby's heartbeat.
[gasping]
Oh, my God!
Nice, strong heartbeat.
That's your new baby, Dan.
[heart beating rapidly]
Dan?
[panting] Yeah?
Are you okay?
Uh, yeah.
That's fantastic.
Uh, l'm feeling a little, uh...
[chuckling]
(doctor) You are having a little bit of arrhythmia.
Have you been drinking a lot of caffeine lately?
No.
You under a lot of stress?
Well, l...
l did sort of get demoted at work.
Ah.
You what?
Yeah.
l, uh... We'll talk.
[dog barking]
[crickets chirping]
[car seat whirring]
[cars honking]
[gulping]
Another?
Yeah, just keep them coming. You don't even have to ask.
[sighs]
How was everyone's weekend? Fun?
l'm sorry. That was, uh...
[sighing]
[exhales]
[clearing throat]
Um, l'd like to thank everyone for joining me here.
Teddy K. has an... has a thing
that what makes GlobeCom great is the men and women
of GlobeCom.
ls it like a thousand degrees in here or is it me?
[chuckling] lt's like...
lt's me.
l have an agenda.
And you're gonna learn this about me. l'm a machine.
What was l saying about the...
(Alicia) An agenda.
An agenda, l have an agenda.
[sighing]
Which is that l have to immediately, um,
increase the ad pages here by 20 percent.
20 percent? Carter, only a startup magazine can do that.
Yeah, well, l think this team can do it, Dan.
Um, how?
Well, Morty, basically what we--
God, that's an awesome question.
''How?''
And the answer
is synergy.
We need to team up here.
Yeah, we need to synchronize
and we need to synergize.
We're not alone. We're not alone.
We're part of one of the biggest multimedia
and brand name companies in the known universe, okay?
Let's--let's take advantage of that, like, uh...
Like...
Krispity Krunch.
Did anyone know that, uh,
one of our sister companies is Krispity Krunch?
So?
So we talk to our brothers and sisters over at Krispity Krunch.
We make a deal where we supply
sports factoids to their boxes.
So that when Joe Couch Potato is sitting there,
he's, uh, snacking, he looks down, and what does he see?
Sports America Krispity Krunch sports factoids.
He's definitely buying more Krispity Krunch
and not Krunch 'n Krackle
which, by the way, looks and tastes exactly the same.
But guess what? No sports factoids.
And Krispity Krunch is so happy they guarantee us 28 pages a year.
Besides which, they know if they don't,
Teddy K. is gonna be pissed.
What is that? What am l talking about here, people?
Synergy.
lsn't that cheating?
No, no. Hell, no.
And, uh, Techline cell phones.
We own Techline cell phones.
Guess what we put on their browser?
Factoids.
Yes! Factoids! Synergy!
And what else? Uh, box scores. And ads!
We make a deal like a 100,000 hits on the lnternet
has the equivalent value of one ad page of our hard copy.
Are you getting it, people?
The magazine has become just a portal
to a synergized world of cross-promotion.
We're gonna bust things wide open.
We are gonna take things to the next level.
Who's with me? Who's with me? Who-- who's psyched?
Lou, are you psyched?
Yeah. Yeah, l'm psyched.
Okay.
Alicia, are you psyched?
Absolutely.
Better. This guy. l'm sorry, l don't know your name yet.
Hector. l'm in maintenance.
That's cool. Hector...
Hector, l know you're psyched.
l'm psyched!
[all laughing]
Yes, Hector's psyched!
And if Hector's psyched, then you know l'm psyched.
l am psyched for this team.
Now who else is with me? Who's psyched?
(all) l'm psyched!
(Carter) Excellent. Who else? Come on.
Who do you think will be the first to get canned?
My money's on Dan. He's prehistoric.
Sorry, Dan.
Thanks for joining me for lunch.
You like sushi?
l'll just stick with the teriyaki.
You should try some.
The spicy tuna here is money.
Come here. Get that.
Get that.
Yeah, go fishing, man.
Yeah.
[grunting]
Yeah. So l wanted to talk to you,
[grunting]
because, uh,
This is raw.
...an increase in ad pages is...
Well, it's really only part of the equation
in terms of achieving the bottom line
my bosses want me to hit.
Understand, Teddy K. is making cuts across the board here.
ln point of fact, l have to cut
$300,000 salary from the sales team immediately.
[grunting]
l don't make that much money, Carter.
l know how much you make, Dan.
Well,
l wish you'd told me that l was fired
before l ate the goddamn fish.
Oh, Dan! Dan! Dan!
[clearing throat]
l'm--l'm not letting you go here.
You're not?
No.
You are an excellent salesman.
You ran a good team.
l think that you have the potential
to be an awesome wingman here.
An awesome wingman?
[laughing]
B-But, Carter, l definitely see the benefit for you
in having an awesome wingman.
But what is the benefit for me at this point in my career
of being an awesome wingman?
Well,
one benefit at this point in your career
is that you get to keep your job.
That's a pretty good benefit, don't you think?
(Enrique) Really? Really! Are you smiling?
You're smiling! This is funny to you.
Guess what? You have no idea
what a nightmare you're about to step into, my friend.
[door opening]
A-hole!
We'll see how soon this place goes down the poop chute without me.
Maybe there is justice in the world.
(Enrique) You enjoying yourselves? Great.
[phone ringing]
//[Gone For Good by The Shins playing]
/ Untie me, I've said no vows /
/ The train is getting way too loud /
Carter is ready for you.
/ I gotta leave here my girl /
/ Get on with my lonely life /
Dan, uh, l'd like you to take a look at one of these forms for me.
lt's a 360 evaluation. Mmm-hmm.
lt's basically an evaluation from every angle.
That's why it's called a 360.
lt's corporate policy.
But it would be great if l had it by Monday.
lf you really want to get aggressive,
to penetrate that core demographic--
l believe that-- Dan, not now.
Sports America is the number one magazine, boys 13 to 18 in the country.
/ I spent 12 long months on the lam /
/ That's enough sitting on the fence /
[Kim on answering machine] Hi, leave me a message or don't.
[machine beeping]
Hi, it's me.
l mean, you know it's me.
Uh, just filling up the old mailbox. So give me a call
or don't.
/ And go out of my head /
/ You love a sinking stone /
Here, boy.
/ That'll never elope /
/ So get used to the lonesome /
Oh, hi, Mrs. Cherneski.
No, l didn't know he moved out.
Well, tell him Carter says hi.
Here, boy!
Hey.
(male announcer) And he is dropped right on the goal line.
Tackled by Bob Colder, Leahey held on to the ball...
Hello? Hey, Dan.
lt's Carter.
Who?
Carter Duryea.
[chuckling]
Thought we'd get the group together tomorrow.
Maybe go over some business development ideas.
Tomorrow's Sunday.
l know. lt'll be great. We'll get a great jump on the week.
Not the whole day, just a couple of hours in the afternoon.
l'll tell you what, l will see you there at noon.
Uh, l'll bring some sushi. lt'll be a lot of fun.
Okay? Great. All right.
/ You love a sinking stone /
/ That'll never elope /
/ So get used to the lonesome /
/ Girl, you must atone some /
/ Don't leave me no phone number there //
[footsteps approaching]
What are you doing?
What?
[clearing throat]
Um, nothing.
l was just, uh, seeing stars.
Ever do that?
Yeah, when l was three.
Hey, what are you doing here on a Sunday?
Sunday is a fun day to kick some ass.
Absolutely.
Guess what? l have my whole team coming in today.
Hey, Dan Foreman's here. You should really meet him.
Yeah, l'd rather not get personally involved.
Didn't we decide to let him go?
Uh, no, we let Enrique Colon go instead. Remember?
Yeah. That's right.
Did a little colon cleansing.
Get it?
[both laughing]
Hey, you want to grab some dinner tonight?
Ooh, wish l could.
l got to fly to Berlin to meet with some of our satellite guys.
Ha, too bad.
Somethin' wrong?
Um...
My wife and l are having some problems and, uh, l was just--
Okay, l got to go.
Listen, uh, you're gonna have to riff some more people, man.
Okay. Riff them?
Reduction in forces. Shitcan them.
Right. Um, but l think we're gonna get ad pages up here.
So l don't think we need to riff anybody yet.
Well, sooner or later everybody has to deal with reality.
Thanks for coming in.
You, great job today.
Louie, great job. You want to, uh, grab a drink or something?
You know, l'd love to, but l'm a recovering alcoholic.
Well, better not, then.
How about you, Morty. Drink?
Uh, l'd better get home for dinner.
My wife is slowly poisoning me to death
and she gets very angry if l'm late.
Okay. Alicia?
Uh, you know what, l got to go home and do my hair.
Oh, shut up.
[chuckling]
How about you, Dan? You want to, uh, grab a drink or something?
[grunting] lt's Sunday.
l have to go home and have dinner with my family.
You want to have dinner with my family?
Oh, yeah! Are you... Let me, uh, let me just grab my stuff.
Wait.
[tires squealing]
Who taught you how to drive?
No one.
No kidding.
l'm home.
Yes.
Oh, this is what l'm talking about.
This is like a real home-type home.
Hey, sweetheart. This is Carter Duryea from the office.
Hello, it's nice to meet you. Hey, Mrs. Foreman.
What a pleasure to meet you.
Thank you so much for having me into your home.
[clearing throat] You're very welcome.
l hope you like baked ziti.
Baked ziti! Uh, this is... This is so perfect.
That baked ziti. That's so... This is what l need.
Like a-- Like a real, home-cooked thing.
This is great.
ls there something wrong with him?
Clearly.
Let's just feed him and get him the hell outta here, okay?
He's really young.
He's a lot younger than you.
Yeah. Thank you for that. Thank you.
[chuckling]
So, um, l did the numbers on NYU.
Do you know how expensive that place is?
Hmm. Plus living expenses.
Plus Jana's orthodonture. Plus baby costs.
Don't worry about it.
Well, that's not actually a solution to a problem. ''Don't worry about it.''
l think we may have to take out a second mortgage.
Why don't l just go into the living room and ask my boss for a raise?
Oh, hey.
l was, uh, just looking at you and...
And you've...
We never got to...
That day in the elevator.
My name's Carter Duryea.
Yeah, l know who you are.
Does my dad know you're here?
Uh, your dad invited me over for dinner.
Technically.
Uh, who's that?
Uh, it's Dad's new boss.
You can't be Dad's new boss. You're too young.
Yeah, and he's also scared shitless.
Wow, good memory.
And you're too cute to be Dad's boss.
Oh, well, thank you.
[phone ringing]
l got it!
[sighing]
So, uh, how's it going?
Okay.
So what are you doing here, really?
Uh, my wife left me, and today's the anniversary of our first date.
l found the idea of going home to be so depressing
that l kind of leeched onto your dad
and invited myself over for dinner.
[snickering]
Wow, you're sort of a bizarrely honest guy. Huh?
No.
No. Honestly, l'm...
[chuckling]
l'm not.
Just around you, for some reason.
People would probably say that l'm an emotionally guarded
anal-retentive asshole.
You wanna play foosball? Okay.
Cool, l'll just change.
Okay. Good. Yeah.
Do you think Alex could cope with living in the city on her own?
[sighing]
Well, l'm less worried about her coping with it than l am about you.
Yeah, well, frankly, l'd rather keep her under house arrest
with a homing device around her ankle.
Then why did you agree to it without even talking to me?
[grunting]
And why is your teenage boss here?
And why am l so nauseous?
l hardly had any morning sickness the first two times.
Hey, hey, hey!
and l'm so sick of it!
Calm down. Let me have that.
[gasping]
[sighing]
[retching]
l'm not really that into tennis anymore.
What l'm really not into is being the jock.
You know, it's like people don't even invite me to their parties
because they think l'm in training or something.
Also, there's this rumor going around that l'm a lesbian.
[Carter chuckling] Man, that sucks.
Or not. l don't... Not being a lesbian.
Yeah, well, l'm not.
lt'd be one thing if l wanted to go pro and make a ton of money,
but l'm not at that level.
l've played girls at that level and l'm not.
l mean, not that l'd want that, really.
Their lives have peaked by the time they're like 21 .
Oh, nice.
l wonder that about myself sometimes, too.
Like maybe my life has peaked at 26.
Maybe it's all downhill from here.
Well, it probably is.
[chuckling] Yeah.
Here you go. Keep the change.
Dinner's ready!
l'm on an important call!
With who?
My boyfriend.
Your what?
Hi, this is Mr. Foreman. Who is this and how old are you?
All right. Well, l just wanted to say
if you ever give my daughter an alcoholic beverage or a joint,
l will hunt you down and neuter you.
(Jana) Dad!
Dinner's ready!
[door squeaking]
There you are.
You kids ready to come in for dinner?
[crickets chirping]
[sighing]
[whispering] God.
(Carter) l lived in the same town as my mom.
And l mean... You know what l mean?
The entire... The whole family thing was--
Right. Yes, l'm...
No, no, it's really not a good time right now.
(Jana) l know, but l really like him a lot.
Oh, my God, this pizza's amazing. Where'd you get this?
lt's from a wonderful little ltalian restaurant called Domino's.
So, are you really Dad's new boss?
We're not, uh, we're really more colleagues.
No, that's not true. He's the boss man. l'm the wingman.
(Jana) Are you married? You're wearing a wedding ring.
Um, yes, l am, sort of.
Um, or... Yes, no. l'm married.
So you're like prematurely old.
Jana, would you pass the pizza?
l got it. Oh, my God, Dan. My bad.
l'm sorry. l mean, l got it. l got it.
Carter, Carter, C-Carter.
Only my wife is allowed to touch me there.
[sighing]
Excuse me. l'm gonna go upstairs.
l'm gonna change my pants again.
Good job.
[chuckling]
Thank you.
Thank you so much. Terrific pepperoni, by the way.
You're very welcome. Goodbye. Go home.
Okay.
Good night.
Thanks again.
//[Naked As We Came by lron And Wine playing]
/ She says, ''Wake up, it's no use pretending'' /
/ I'll keep stealing, breathing her /
[engine starts]
/ Birds are leaving over autumn's ending /
/ One of us will die inside these arms /
/ Eyes wide open /
/ Naked as we came /
/ One will spread our /
/ ashes around the yard /
/ She says, ''If I leave before you, darling /
/ Don't you waste me in the ground'' /
/ I lay smiling like our sleeping children /
/ One of us will die inside these arms /
(Dan) Oh, here.
l got you some pepper spray.
/ Eyes wide open, naked as we came /
Oh, how sweet. Yeah.
And l've installed surveillance equipment throughout the dorm.
So l'll know if you're getting into trouble.
Okay.
/ One will spread our ashes around the yard //
Be careful.
Okay.
l love you, Dad.
Love you, too.
[grunting]
See you later.
Bye.
Sign here, here, and here.
And you've got your second mortgage.
Sign, uh, there, there, and there.
And it's official.
You're divorced.
[cars honking]
(Carter) Okay, two things.
First, Steckle is organizing a company basketball league.
l'm gonna be sales team captain.
You are my new power forward.
And second, l heard you're taking the guys from Rums Jamaica
to the Knicks game on Wednesday night?
Yeah.
You have to run that stuff by me, man.
Run it by you? They're my clients.
No, they're not, Dan. They're GlobeCom clients.
That's why we're gonna be takin' 'em to the GlobeCom luxury suite.
Well, these aren't luxury suite type of guys.
Dan, everyone's a luxury suite type of guy.
[chuckling]
Uh, we can't go there on Wednesday, because Teddy K.
is hosting Bill Clinton, Jay-Z, and Kofi Annan.
We're gonna do it Thursday.
l'll bring them to a concert.
Look, l gotta get these guys to up their buy by 18 pages.
We gotta start kicking some ass here.
[sighing]
l'm gonna have to let some people go.
Why do you say ''let them go''?
They don't want to go.
Why don't you just say, ''fire them''?
Because it sounds better.
Not to the person getting fired, it doesn't.
/ You wanna get with me? / / Put 'em up /
/ Take long trips with me / / Yeah /
This guy was shot 1 2 times and pronounced legally dead.
Hence the name.
Someone should tell him it's spelled D-E-A-D.
[laughing]
They're afraid to.
He's got the number one hit single right now.
He's a protege of 50 Cent.
Why don't they just call him ''Nickel''?
[laughing] What?
20 years, your jokes still haven't improved.
(Carter) Want you guys to meet my colleague.
This is Petey from K-Jam Sneakers.
Hey, hey.
Hmm.
Cross-promotional idea.
You buy a certain amount of Jamaican rum, boom.
You get a discount on running shoes. Done.
Yeah, sounds like a great fit.
Get a lot of drunk people running around.
[laughing]
Dan. You want to go get some air?
Yeah.
Be back in a bit.
Word. Hey, not too long. We got chimichangas on the way.
/ You wanna get with me? Take long trips with me //
Sorry about the concert.
They wouldn't let me just get regular seats for the Knicks game.
No, it's okay.
Look, Dan. l've been instructed not to advertise
with Sports America anymore.
What?
We were bought out last year by this company called Continental Brands.
Apparently, the company that bought us
and the company that bought you
are having a feud over wireless communications in Europe.
Wireless communications?
What--what the hell does that have to do with our business?
Nothing. But we have this corporate policy now.
Look, l'm sorry, Dan.
//[music playing]
[sighing]
Dan, l have to
fire Louie and Morty.
No, you don't.
l do.
We're gonna get those ad pages back.
We'll get those...
Oh, my God! lt's like you don't get it or something.
That was a huge client.
Steckle gave me a bottom line here.
l have to increase pages.
We already got Harry, Pete, and Alicia on the Ford account.
Morty's the logical choice.
Oh, and the new woman at Pepsi thinks that Louie's a sexist.
Guess why. He called her ''sugar tits.''
He's an idiot.
Come on, you can't fire these guys.
These are my guys.
They've been with me for eight years.
l hired them at the same time.
Yeah, l know, Dan.
That's why they have huge, bloated salaries.
And they're not pulling their weight.
l'm sorry.
Well, l've been here for 23 years.
My salary's bigger than theirs. Why don't you just fire me?
Do you want me to fire you?
Because l could, Dan.
You have a family that loves you.
You have a kid on the way.
l look at you sometimes and it's like...
You have people who need you.
Do you really wanna put them in jeopardy for Louie and Morty?
//[Sunset Soon Forgotten by lron And Wine playing]
/ Be this sunset soon forgotten /
/ And what's worth keepin' /
/ Sun still sinkin' /
[sighing]
/ Down and down /
/ Once again /
/ Down and down /
/ Gone again //
What, are you living here now?
[sniffing]
What... We, uh... What time is it?
7:00 a.m.
Look, l've been thinking all night.
[breathing deeply]
And, uh, if it has to be done,
l should be the one to do it.
[phone ringing]
[Dan sighing]
[sighing]
Guys, l feel really terrible about what l'm about to say.
But l'm afraid you're both being let go.
Let go? What does that mean?
lt means you're being fired, Louie.
Believe me, if l had any choice in this, l would...
[sighing]
Anyway, l thought you should hear it from me
because l'm the one who hired you.
Oh. Wait a minute. Are you being fired, too?
No, no. Uh...
[clearing throat]
This isn't my decision.
Oh, so it's not your decision, so therefore it's not your fault, right?
l didn't say that.
You know, this is bullshit.
Louie. No, no, Morty.
You know something? l look at you like a brother.
l would've stood in front of a bus for you, you piece of shit!
You've turned into a real corporate asshole, you know that, Dan?
Louie.
Do me a favor. lf you see my friend Dan, tell him l'm looking for him.
Louie!
Dan, what the hell am l gonna tell my wife?
l mean, she already wears the pants.
Now she's gonna wear the tie and jacket, too.
Morty, l am so very sorry.
l know this must have been hard for you, Dan.
You were a good boss.
l mean it. You always treated everyone with respect. And l...
Look, l appreciate it.
What's this?
My 360 evaluation.
Uh, you rated yourself, ''Does not meet expectations.''
Yeah.
l'm gonna cry.
Don't. l'll call you.
Take care, Morty.
[whispering] Okay, good luck.
(Alicia) Morty. Oh.
l can't believe this.
Me neither.
You gonna be okay?
l'll be okay.
Take care.
No way! What are... What are you doing here?
Hey! Um,
just reading. l-l've-- l go to NYU now.
No way! Yeah.
You did it! That's... That's awesome.
Yeah, yeah. What about you?
l'm renting an apartment in TriBeCa.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Wow, that's awesome.
Do you drink coffee?
No! Uh, normally l just hook up to an lV, actually.
[both laugh]
[car honking]
My, you sure can pound back the caffeine, huh?
ls that why your leg is shaking like that?
l think it is. Yeah.
You're not wearing your wedding band.
Oh. Yeah. l'm now officially
the first person in my high school class
to get divorced.
Oh, l'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
When l think about it honestly,
it was pretty much coming since our second date.
How's... How are you? How's school going?
lt's pretty good.
l mean, you know, it's, it's, uh...
it's hard to meet new people as a transfer.
Everybody's got their own little cliques
and they're not sure if they want to admit one more.
But, uh, my creative writing classes are really great.
Oh, yeah, creative writing?
Yeah. l've just, uh...
l've always been interested in stories
and escaping into other people's lives.
l guess 'cause mine always seems so boring.
l'm cursed with a functional family.
But writing isn't exactly practical.
So l think l might double major in business.
Oh, no. Don't do that.
Stick with the creative writing.
Strange, you know, sometimes you seem sort of
bummed out about your career, but you're so successful.
No, l'm not bummed. Uh...
God, my career is pretty much what l have in my life.
That and a dented Porsche, right?
[laughs]
Your family must be really proud of you.
My mom is.
You know, she's... She's this kind of hippie.
So she's not really into the corporate thing.
And my dad left home when l was 4,
so, you know, l never really got to know him.
His family had money,
but, uh, he was this kind of artist
you know, in quotes, slash druggy.
Uh, he was in this cult for a while.
Do you, do you... Let's get out of here.
Do you want to, like, take a walk or something?
l'm like, uh... Now that l've told you my entire life story.
Sure.
Although, uh, there isn't much left to talk about.
//[Cannonball by Damien Rice playing]
Really?
/ Still a little bit of your taste /
/ In my mouth /
/ Still a little bit of you laced /
/ With my doubt /
/ Still a little hard to say /
...wear these giant muumuus that were see-through.
/ What's going on / They were see-through?
Yeah. That's cool.
/ Stones taught me to fly /
/ Love taught me to lie /
Thank you.
So...
/ Life taught me to die /
/ So it's not hard to fall /
Right.
/ When you float like a cannonball //
You want to see my dorm room, maybe?
Hey, don't get the wrong idea.
l--l don't invite guys to my room often.
Or ever, actually.
Okay.
Oh.
l'm having a major college flashback here.
Aw, come on, old man.
My roommate's out for the night.
Really? She's, oh...
l was really looking forward to meeting her.
Yeah, she's only mildly chemically imbalanced.
Ta-da!
Oh.
[door closes]
Yeah, this is awesome.
Yeah, it's okay.
Uh, l heard this rumor
that alcohol impairs your judgment.
l wish you weren't so beautiful.
l'm not.
No, Alex. You are.
Thank you.
[sighs]
//[Spanish song playing]
[lighter clicking]
Well, it looks like everything's perfect.
So why are you still talking?
What?
Oh, nothing.
l was just thinking about how my dad said
he put surveillance cameras in the building.
[chuckles] That's...
That's hilarious.
[phone ringing]
Where to now?
You're all going to the 29th floor.
Oh, great. l hear there's, uh,
fantastic air-conditioning on that floor.
[phone ringing]
Hey, Dan, how's your commute?
Can you believe we're moving offices already?
By the way, first b-ball game against the 51st floor corporate VPs.
So, uh... Oh, weird. l guess that's this floor now.
What's wrong with you?
Me? Um... Are you... Nothing. Um, nothing.
You're acting jumpy.
Did you switch from mocha to crack?
Whoa, Dan. That's, uh...
You're coming off really paranoid right now.
[chuckles]
You're weirding me out, buddy.
Crack. That's...
[phone ringing]
//[Ten Years Ahead by Soundtrack of Our Lives playing]
/ Well, it's so good /
/ I didn't have to make it /
/ It's so good / Hey, Alex.
Haven't talked to you in a few days.
lt's your dad, by the way.
Give us a call.
/ 'Cause I'm ten years ahead /
/ And you're the echo of the things I say /
/ Yes, I'm ten years ahead /
You understand this is totally demoralizing for me, so...
[laughing]
Sorry.
l don't think you should force it, honey.
[grunts] Don't force it.
Don't say it.
/ Well, it's no good /
/ Revolving around me /
Hey, Alex.
Uh, left a message for you at the dorm and on your phone.
Guess you have your cell phone turned off.
Give us a call.
/ When you cannot reach me /
l'm fired?
/ 'Cause I'm ten years ahead /
/ And you're the echo of the words I say /
[sighs] l'm sorry.
/ Yes, I'm ten years ahead //
But l've worked here for 5 years.
[sniffs]
lt's been an honor.
[phone ringing]
(Carter) Okay, you ready?
Will you be okay with that thing?
Oh, yeah, fine.
Hey, uh, what's that big guy doing here?
He's one of the moving men.
Uh, l guess, uh, Steckle recruited him for his VP team.
Oh, that's fair.
Wonder if l can still dunk.
You could dunk?
Oh, yeah. Can't you? You're 26.
[chuckles]
Heads up!
Whoa! Hey.
What's up?
Word on the street is, Teddy K.'s on the prowl.
Soon as he gets back from his around-the-world balloon trip,
he's gonna go munch on Continental Brands.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, great.
Maybe they'll advertise in the magazine again.
l'm sorry, who are you?
Mark, this is Dan Foreman.
He's the one l was telling you about,
helped us close that Toys 'R' Us deal.
Oh, Carter's being modest.
He did most of the work. Aw.
That's beautiful.
Maybe you two should get a room.
You pussies ready to get schooled?
[chuckles]
[whistle blows]
[people cheering]
[man whooping]
[crowd cheers]
[crowd cheering]
[laughing]
[Steckle laughing]
(Steckle) Oh!
Not in my house! No, no, no.
(Steckle) Do it, baby. Do it, baby. lt's for me. For me.
(Steckle) Go ahead, donkey!
You can't guard me.
(Theo) Get down. Get down there!
(Steckle) Mine. He's mine. Help. Help.
Yes!
[all cheering]
Let's go! Get down, Jimmy.
Yo, Krouse! Fist! Fist!
That's right! Move! Come on. Come on.
l'll take the big man.
Hey, ease up, my man.
You're gonna have a heart attack.
What's the matter? Can't take a little D?
(Steckle) Open! Get open!
(Alicia) Let's go, Dan! Yes!
Yeah, yeah! Throw it down!
(Theo) Dunk it!
[all groaning]
Oh, shit.
[ball bouncing]
[grunts]
l'm okay. l'm okay.
[exclaims]
l'll be right back.
Just give me a second.
[Dan groans] Damn.
[moans]
[phone ringing]
(Alex) This is Alex's cell phone.
Please leave a message. Thanks.
[phone beeps]
//[Those to Come by The Shins playing]
/ Eyeless in the morning sun /
/ You were pale and mild, a modern girl /
/ Taken with thought, still prone to care /
/ Makin' tea in your underwear /
/ You went out in the yard to find //
What's her name?
Who? What? Who?
The fish.
Oh. Uh, it's a he. And, uh, his name is Buddy.
Ah.
Does Buddy want a friend?
Buddy had a friend. Um, he ate him. So...
[chuckles]
You mind if l, uh--uh...
Sure. Yeah. You... Yeah.
l want to, l want to ask you something.
Okay.
[clears throat] When, uh...
When you were 18,
did you ever return your parents' phone calls?
Uh, well, they never called.
But, uh, yeah, l'm sure l would've.
Well, my oldest daughter, she won't call me back.
And l feel like going down to NYU and kidnapping her
so l can stop worrying about her.
[stammering]
That sounds like a really bad idea.
Uh, look, Alex seems, um,
from the very brief time that l met her,
to be pretty savvy.
l don't think you have to worry about her too much.
She's a smart, terrific woman.
Girl. Or smart young lady. Whatever.
What l'm trying to say is that, uh,
l think she can probably take care of herself.
Dan, you seem to have the perfect marriage.
How do you do it?
You just pick the right one to be in the foxhole with
and then when you're outside of the foxhole,
you keep your dick in your pants.
[Carter laughing]
Well, that's poetic.
(Alicia) Oh, my God. Did she outdo herself or what?
(Alicia) All right. Oh, yeah. Make way.
Coming through with the cake here.
[all chattering]
//[music playing]
Oh, hey, Theo. How's...
[all chattering]
Hey, uh, where do l put this?
All right.
lt's a rager, huh?
Okay.
Are you still glad you decided not to have a birthday party?
Yep, not in the mood this year.
Well, Mom says you could use a little fun.
She says you should lighten up for the sake of your health.
She does, does she?
They're here. Everybody hide.
You go ahead, sweetheart.
l'm going to check the mailbox.
Okay. Cool.
[dog barking]
Quiet, he's going to be here in a second.
[door opening]
[door closes]
(all) Surprise!
Surprise?
[all screaming]
Dad!
Hey, Morty.
Hey, nice party.
Thanks for coming. Sure.
How are you?
Not so good, not so good.
l mean psychologically.
Oh, l'm sorry.
That's okay.
Anyway, my wife got a promotion.
l'm hoping she'll raise my allowance.
But this is good punch.
Happy birthday. Good party.
[dog barking]
You look-- you look really beautiful.
Thank you.
And, um...
This is really not a big deal. But l, uh...
l got something for you.
lt's not my birthday.
Go on.
Holy shit.
[laughs]
Wow! Are these real diamonds?
lt's too expensive.
No. No, don't. No.
l feel funny.
l'm sorry. l don't... l mean, it's not... l--l...
lt just felt good to...
lt's sweet.
lt's very sweet. Thank you.
You're the kind of person
that's it's good to be in a foxhole with.
We're not in a foxhole. We're in a Porsche.
(Dan) A sling.
(woman) Yes.
(Dan) Betsy, l wish you well, too.
[all laughing]
Let's see, what.... Wow.
And this could be what?
[all laughing]
That's good. Epsom salts.
[all laugh]
(Alicia) Do you like them?
(Theo) lmported from Jersey.
[people laughing]
(Alicia) Don't tell me you already have some.
[all laughing]
[chuckles]
lt's got that easy--easy-pour spout on it, too.
[all laughing]
(Alicia) Special for you.
[all chattering]
[car honks]
[car honking]
Thanks.
She waits.
Okay.
(Carter) Hey.
Hi.
Sorry l'm late.
Work has been just nuts.
That's okay. l have a class at 3:00.
[car honking]
Oh, you're... You're wearing the necklace.
Yeah. Yeah. l feel like an impostor.
But it's nice. An impostor?
No, you look...
Hey. Doesn't she look beautiful?
She does.
(waiter) Now, we have three specials today.
Avocado soup with awapuhi oil,
bluefin tuna with Awapuhi and jalapeno sashimi.
(waiter) We have calamari fritti
with Awapuhi oil on the side.
We also have, uh, sicafreed lobster tail.
Can l get that with a side of Awapuhi oil?
Welcome. May l help you?
Oh, shit.
Hi, is there going to be a third?
l have just one question.
Are you sleeping with him?
l'm going to get you folks some bread.
Uh, Dan, this isn't what it looks like.
Oh, yeah? What does it look like?
Tell me. What do you think it looks like?
Well, l'm sure it looks like some kind of sleazy, tawdry...
Alex, l asked you a question. Are you sleeping with him?
What do you want me to say, Dad?
[sighs]
Get up.
What?
Get up.
Dad!
Pardon me, sir, but l don't think you should treat--
Back off, before l drop-kick you across this restaurant.
You are a piece of shit!
Dan, l love her.
You what?
l love her.
[Carter panting]
l love you.
You love her? She's my daughter.
She's in college. She's a college student.
l took out a fricking second mortgage so she could go.
Three years ago she was in braces.
l'm sorry.
This guy.
You had to sleep with him?
Dad, l...
Dad...
(Alex) Dad.
[groans]
Dad! Wait, l'm sorry.
This had nothing to do with you.
He's my boss, Alex.
l know. But it just happened.
We made a deal, remember?
We made a deal we'd always be honest with one another.
Dad, l was like 5 years old when we made that deal.
Yeah. l liked you better then.
That's awful.
That's an awful thing to say.
Dad, please don't walk away. l want to talk to you.
Why? You don't need my advice about anything.
[door opening]
Hey, you.
Hey.
Hey, Carter. Wow, that's some shiner.
Thanks.
Maya, could we have some privacy, please?
Sure. Absolutely.
[growls]
Sit down.
Hey, can l get you some ice for that?
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
[clears throat]
Um, there's no ice.
But the soda's cold.
Oh, thanks.
Look, l wanted to apologize, uh, for my timing when...
Uh, with the ''L'' word.
lt just kind of slipped out.
But l've been thinking about it a lot lately,
and it's how l feel. lt's really important to me--
Oh, that's really sweet.
Well, l mean it.
l know you probably think you do.
But l-l've been doing a lot of thinking, too,
and l'm
taking anthropology classes.
And l'm doing a double major.
Yeah.
And l'm just... l'm really busy.
Yeah. Uh, l'm just not...
l'm not ready for a big commitment.
Yes, that's...
[chuckles] That's what l'm saying.
[sighs]
Look, when l said l loved you,
l didn't mean that l wanted to interfere in your classes
or, you know, whatever.
l'm not talking about marriage or anything yet.
Carter. Look.
l've had an amazing time with you,
and l think you're a great guy.
But you are on the rebound.
No, l'm not.
Carter, you are.
l mean, it was not that long ago that your wife left you.
Best thing that ever happened to me.
Well, that's great.
But then that's a good thing whether you're with me or not.
l think we should stop seeing each other.
Alex.
[laughs] Alex, come on.
l just want you to know
l enjoyed talking to you more than
maybe anyone in my entire life.
Thank you.
Me, too.
[door opening]
Dad, where have you been?
Your cell phone was off.
l tried to call you like a thousand times.
What happened? Where's your mom?
(Ann) There you are.
Are you okay?
l'm fine. Yes, l'm fine.
The baby's fine.
l had a little scare.
There was some bleeding.
What? What is it?
A placenta previa.
lt sounds bad, but, uh, it's okay.
[chuckles]
l just need some rest.
lf anything ever happened to you, l'd just have to pack it in.
Oh, l'm afraid you're going to be stuck with me for a while.
[door opening]
[sniffs]
How's she doing?
She's okay.
You know, l broke up with Carter.
Because of me?
No. Because of me.
l'm sorry l lied to you.
But, you know, l think you should know
that Carter didn't try to seduce me or anything.
lf anything, it was the other way around.
l really don't want to hear the details.
[grunts]
l mean, unless you want to tell me, and...
No. No, not particularly.
Good.
[sighs]
You must think l'm disgusting.
Disgusting?
Why on earth would l think that?
l didn't know that you took out a second mortgage.
l don't need to go to NYU.
SUNY's fine. lt's fine.
No, no, you are staying at NYU.
Look, Alex.
You're a really smart woman.
And you can take care of yourself.
And l'm going to try
and adjust.
You don't have to change, Dad.
Yeah. l do.
[computer beeps]
lt's going to be okay. Muchachos!
(Teddy K.) Good. Hello, how are you? l know.
(Teddy K.) Tell him not to be late this time.
(Teddy K.) Hi, how you doing? Good to see you.
Hi. Oh, nice brooch.
Thank you, sir.
Must be paying her too much money.
Mark Steckle. Hi.
Ah, Mark Steckle, how are you?
Very psyched. How's it going?
Very good. Good, good.
Right this way. Hi.
How you doing? Nice to see you.
How are you? Good to see you.
(Teddy K.) Thank you.
Carter Duryea.
Oh, yes. Cell phones.
Yes. Thank you.
l'm at Sports America now.
Well, that's the flagship.
What happened to your eye?
Yeah, what happened there?
l fell-- l fell asleep at my computer.
Just kind of banged right into the monitor.
Those things can be dangerous.
[all laughing]
(Teddy K.) Keep up the good work.
l wouldn't be surprised
if he announces another big takeover today.
Teddy K.!
(Teddy K.) Great to see you. Thank you.
(Teddy K.) Thank you.
Synergy. What does it mean?
(Teddy K.) Why does a business swim with it
and sink without it,
in this new ocean of megabytes,
streaming video and satellites?
Every day,
the world becomes more complex.
And to survive in a complex world,
we need complex bonds to interface with it.
ln this room,
l see this.
What we're trying to get to, is this.
(Teddy K.) This is unbreakable.
This is inevitable.
(Teddy K.) What are we building here? ls it a company?
Or are we building a new country with no national boundaries?
A new democracy for the consumer.
A new democracy with a new electorate.
24-hour music videos in Kuala Lumpur.
Computers with parts manufactured in Japan,
Greenland, ldaho, lndia.
A soft drink ad going out simultaneously
to seven different continents.
The Dalai Llama eating his Krispity Krunch
while uploading prayers onto the Net.
Woman's World magazine.
Well, why not Woman's World Channel across the world?
Computers.
Why not a computer section in Sports America magazine?
[chuckles]
(Dan) Uh, excuse me. Excuse me.
Yes?
Uh, uh...
Uh, my name is, uh, uh, Dan Foreman. l...
l work for Sports America and l'm not sure
l--l understand what you're talking about.
(Dan) W-what l mean is--is
what do computers have to do with sports?
Are you... Are--are you literally saying
that there should be a section in the magazine
about computers?
Who's going to want to read that?
Um...
[clears throat] And, uh...
[sighs]
l-l'm not sure l understand
how the way the world is changing
is actually going to change how we do business.
We're still selling a product, right?
Which hopefully someone needs.
We're human beings with other human beings for customers.
So l don't see how this company is like its own country.
l mean, just because we sell different kinds of things,
that doesn't mean we should operate by our own laws, does it?
Besides which, countries, at least democratic ones,
they have some obligation to their citizens, don't they?
(Dan) So how do layoffs
and bottom line thinking fit into that?
Dan Foreman.
Sports America.
You ask some excellent questions.
Excellent, excellent questions.
l'm glad you asked them.
And l'm leaving it to you,
to all of you, to answer them.
Hmm.
Teddy K.!
(Steckle) Teddy K.! Teddy K.!
(Carter) Oh, my God, Dan. Oh, my God.
(Steckle) Good, you're both in here.
You, l'll talk to in a second.
You, have you lost your frigging mind?
Well, he said they were excellent questions.
Okay, you think this is funny.
You think it's funny to disrespect a great man.
Do you know who you were just talking to in there?
That was Teddy K.! Teddy K., God damn it!
Look, we've been carrying
your fat, bloated salary for way too long.
(Steckle) l want you out of this building
within the next 10 minutes.
l'm going to my office.
l'm going to smoke a nice Cuban cigar
and try to forget that you ever existed.
You, in my office now.
Mark, don't do that.
Excuse me?
Look.
The guy busts his ass and--
And what?
Nothing. l'm sorry.
(Carter) l just... lf you fire him,
you're going to have to fire me, too.
Wait.
Let me get something straight here.
You're throwing yourself in with him?
With this useless, over-the-hill loser?
Think here. Think about what you're doing,
because if you're not careful, you could end up like him.
l guess that that would be okay.
All right.
Then you're fired, too, you little shit.
Well, that's too bad,
'cause, uh, you're gonna lose a huge account that Dan and l've been working on.
lt was gonna save the year for us.
Without it, the magazine's pretty deep in the red.
Really? What account is that?
You think we'd actually tell you?
You're bluffing.
l don't bluff.
l'm not that good of a salesman.
Yeah, well, l don't give a crap.
l think Teddy K. will.
See, l'm gonna call him and l'm gonna tell him
that you single-handedly drove his most profitable magazine,
his flagship, right into the ground.
And he'll remember my name.
He likes what l did with cell phones.
You've got 24 hours, or you're both gone.
[sighs]
Any ideas?
One.
You got all your research?
Yep.
Follow my lead.
(Kalb) So, um, how are your daughters?
They're great. Thanks.
How about your grandkids?
Uh, they're fine.
My son-in-law has just enrolled our oldest, Ralphy,
in a computer camp, whatever the hell that is.
Uh, this is my boss, Carter Duryea.
lt's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Kalb.
You have a really awesome company here.
You... lt's a really awesome, awesome--
Your boss? He looks more like your nephew.
Well, l've, uh, certainly been learning a lot from Dan.
So what happened to your eye?
That's one of the things he learned from me.
Are you saying that you punched him in the eye? Why?
Well, it's... We don't have to really go into it here.
No, no, no, please, please. l'm--l'm--l'm rather curious.
Why did l hit you?
He called me a dinosaur.
He said l was out of date.
That l'd better step in line.
So you slugged him?
lt was a fair fight. Hmm?
Right.
Mr. Kalb, we have a sister company, Krispity Krunch,
that l think we could do a really exciting cross-promotion with here,
all in the GlobeCom family. Carter, Carter.
l think that we could achieve--
Carter, it's ok. Mr. Kalb,
l don't want get into facts and figures with you today. You know them already.
(Dan) l just want to ask you one question.
What is your hesitation
about advertising with Sports America magazine?
My hesitation is that our ad budget is already overextended.
My son-in-law has put a lot of money into cable and online.
And now he wants to plow even more money back into it. But...
But what?
But he is such an asshole!
l mean, l built this business.
l know more about running this than he ever will.
So, yeah. l'm gonna make a major ad buy in your magazine.
And then l'm gonna restructure the whole damn ad campaign.
That is great news. Thank you, Mr. Kalb.
Oh. Thank... Yes. Thank you so much, sir.
You know, l don't give a shit about Krispity Krunch.
Let's just stick with the magazine, okay?
You really slugged him?
Yeah. Carter.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, that was amazing.
That was unbelievable!
God, that was actually fun.
What Kalb really needed to see
was an old fart who beat the crap out of a young punk half his age.
And you know what the best thing is?
lt's the right thing to do.
lt will improve his business.
Wow, you actually, uh...
You actually believe in this stuff, huh?
Of course l do.
Why else would l do it? Hmm?
[elevator bell dings]
Hey, Dan. Where you been?
Los Angeles.
We made a huge sale.
Congratulations. So did Teddy K.
He sold the company to CalCor Communications.
(Carter) Mark! What happened?
l thought you said Teddy K. was buying another company.
That's what they told me, but he sold us.
l'm out.
Wait, you're out?
Yeah. They're reorganizing the whole company.
You're out, too. l think you're in.
l'm in what?
Your old job.
What? Running the department?
That's the rumor.
The whole thing seems so arbitrary.
l feel used.
Yeah.
Kind of tough to know you're replaceable, huh?
[clears throat] l'm--l'm sorry you lost your jobs.
//[Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel playing]
/ Came in close, I heard a voice /
/ Standing stretching every nerve /
/ I had to listen, had no choice /
/ I did not believe the information /
/ Just had to trust imagination /
/ My heart was going boom, boom, boom /
/ Son, he said /
/ Grab your things, I've come to take you home /
[elevator bell dings]
/ Yeah, back home //
[phone ringing]
Hey, Dan.
Hey, Carter. Come on in.
Have a seat.
Nice office.
Yeah.
[door closes]
[sighs]
So.
How have you been the last month?
l've been good. Really good.
lt's a little weird, uh, not having to get up,
go to work in the morning.
That's why l want to talk to you.
l want to offer you a job.
l know we definitely had our moments.
But l think you're a good manager and a good salesman.
And l want you to come here and be my second-in-command.
Wow, Dan.
Uh, l... l really appreciate that.
Uh, more than you know. And l...
l think if l really want to do this for a living,
there's no one l could learn from more than you. But l...
Look, l don't know what l want to do with my life.
l know that l want it to mean something to me
the way that this means something to you.
[sighs] Oh.
God, do you think l'm being stupid?
No. No. l...
l think that sounds right.
So how's the family?
Uh, Ann's fine.
Uh, the baby's coming Tuesday after next Tuesday.
Oh. lt's a... lt's a cesarean.
Dan, that's amazing.
Yeah, it is.
And, uh, both girls are...
They're doing well.
Good.
Please, uh, give them all my best.
Yeah.
[sighs]
Dan.
Thank you.
For what?
For...
l guess for showing me a few things.
No one ever really took the time to
give me a hard time before.
Or teach me anything that was
actually worth learning.
[clears throat]
All right.
[sighs] Now listen, Carter.
l want to tell you something.
You're going to be okay.
You think so?
Yeah. l know it.
You're a good man.
[sighs]
[sniffs]
Don't be a stranger.
[elevator bell dings]
Morty?
Hey! You're back!
Yeah, back in the saddle.
And look at you. You're--you're...
You look like a delivery guy.
Oh, do you know Dan's daughter Alex?
Yeah. What are you doing here?
l'm surprising my dad. Tennis.
(Morty) Alex is a fantastic tennis player.
She was a junior champ, right?
Really? Oh, you're into... You're into tennis, huh?
Yeah.
How is everything?
Good. Really...
Really good.
Um, l'm leaving town, actually.
l think l'm going to try teaching
or, um, maybe open an Awapuhi store.
[chuckles] l don't know. Uh...
How are you doing?
(Alex) Good. Very good.
l've been working on some short stories.
Oh. That's awesome.
Well, l got a raise. Dan got me a raise.
Which is a good thing, because my wife just got laid off.
Timing's everything in life, right?
[elevator bell dings] Right.
Well, good seeing you. Take care, Carter.
Yeah. Look, it was really great seeing both you guys.
You, too, Carter. lt was...
lt was really good to see you.
Bye.
Hi, guys.
Well?
Yes?
Wel, l'm delighted to say
that you have a baby sister.
[chuckles]
Are you happy, Dad?
Yeah, l'm psyched.
[cell phone rings]
Hello. Dan! Hey.
Oh, my God. Congratulations. lt's amazing.
Do you have a name yet?
Oh, no, that's terrific.
Uh, probably because l'm jogging.
No, l'm outside.
Yes. l'm actually jogging outside.
/ Please / Playa del Rey. Don't laugh.
/ Remember me /
l'm thinking about getting into...
/ Happily /
/ By the rose bush /
/ Laughing with roses on my chin /
/ The time when /
/ we counted every black car /
/ passing your house beneath the hill /
/ and up until /
/ someone caught us in the kitchen /
/ with knives /
/ A mountain range /
/ A piggy bank /
/ A vision to removed to mention /
/ But, please, remember me /
/ fondly /
/ I heard from someone you're still pretty /
/ And then /
/ they went on to say /
/ that the pearly gates /
/ are so eloquently repeated /
/ Like words I've lost and found /
/ And don't look down /
/ And someone save temptation /
/ And, please /
/ remember me silently /
/ In the car behind the corner /
/ you hold my hand /
/ between your knees /
/ You turn from me /
/ Said the trapeze, it was wonderful /
/ But never meant to last /
/ The clouds have passed /
/ So we just come up with anger /
/ And then /
/ The circus moved /
/ The parking lot /
/ Hiding out, a hint of danger /
/ So, please, remember me /
/ fondly /
/ You're my uphill crawl, my dear /
/ But if I make /
/ the pearly gates /
/ Do my best to make a drawing of God /
/ And Lucifer /
/ A boy and girl /
/ An angel kissin' on a silkscreen of Mars /
/ The aftermath /
/ A marching band /
/ All around the fray just trapeze swinging //
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