This is your captain speaking.
Flight time to Nice will be seven hours thirty minutes.
Our flight attendants will be coming by
to provide you with complimentary beverages.
Excuse me...
We will be flying at an altitude of 31,000 feet.
Hello?
Relax and enjoy your flight.
Excuse me!
Hey there!
Mom!
Do you mind?
Emergency exit's 13D sweetie.
Great, got it, thanks Dad.
Excuse me. Bonjour
- Three Chardonnay's please. - No, nothing for me.
- I always remain alert in flight. - Me neither, thank you.
Just the three then.
I am so proud of you sweetie. A lot of women who just got dumped
would have backed out of this vacation but not you.
Thanks dad, but I didn't get dumped.
It wasn't quite like that it... -It was mutual.
Yes, they agreed to part ways
when he dumped her.
I thought it was because he needed space?
No, he just didn't find her spontaneous enough.
Too safe?
Predictable.
I am sitting right here. I can hear you.
He tried to get you to go
Bungie jump but you wouldn't do it.
I have a thing about heights and a rule about
vomiting in public. I think that's perfectly reasonable.
Too many rules, dear.
There's nothing wrong with being cautious sweetie,
safety is sexy.
The first time your mother and I made love we managed to keep our
seatbelts on the entire time. It wasn't easy.
Ok dad!
What did I just say about vomiting in public?
Change seats.
- And the emergency exit is...? - 13D trust me, I know where it is.
About to throw myself out of it.
I've got a visual on him now.
Target confirmed.
I know the drill.
You have until five pm to deliver the package.
Then the boss wants you to close the account.
Yeah, yeah, I will have his final bill ready to go.
You have my wife and I on the second floor,
and my daughter on the third,
when I specifically booked adjacent rooms.
I assure you, your room is lovely Mr....
Lovely and adjacent are not the same thing.
- She's a single woman, all alone. - Ohh!
Recently single. I'm not always alone.
Dad, the room is fine, can you just...
Do you know how many push in robberies happen in hotels sweetie?
Third floor. We'd like an ocean view.
Always the same things with the rooms.
Let daddy do his thing.
The little Frenchman will cave.
He's a weasel face like "you know who"
Richard, I'm talking about Richard.
I know, mother.
We're not discussing him anymore, remember?
Right... right.
- He's dead to us. - Yes!
So it never bothered you that he had kind of a womanly butt?
What?
No, he did not!
Forget I said anything.
I do not speak French.
Excuse me, we've resolved the problem.
I'm gonna go check on my room.
You and daddy figure this out.
You want a Maalox for the road?
Wouldn't it be easier just to humour me?
- Bonjour. - Bonjour.
I don't speak French.
Yeah, no. I got it the first time.
Why were you pretending back there?
I don't know? Why did you follow me?
I was already going to the beach, remember?
Yeah, well I could be going swimming too.
Are you?
No.
I'm just going to go marinate in shame.
I'm Spencer, by the way.
It's nice to meet you, Spencer.
Do you have a name?
Jen, Jennifer, sometimes Jenny, no its...
Jen. It's just Jen.
I'm gonna go uh... swimming, before it gets dark.
Yes, of course.
Muscles like that take some upkeep.
Do you wanna get a drink with me tonight?
Yeah, yeah sure. I don't have anything better to do. So why not?
Great.
I'll see you at "Stella Maurice" at sunset.
Unless you have something better to do.
Oh no... no cute dress?
I didn't pack a single cute dress?
Oh God!
I don't think I have all my socks. Gotta find a dress.
Thank you!
Merci Madame!
We knocked on your door several times. I can't believe you're missing this.
I know dad, I'm sorry. It's just...
You know, my stomach. It's going crazy.
We'll come back right away with saltines and ginger ale.
No! Stay put. I'm fine.
Don't be a hero sweetie.
Dad trust me, you don't want to be a part of this.
Uh... wait.
Darling?
At least you'll look thin on the beach.
Are you sure you're going to be all right?
Yes! You and mom go.
Have fun without me.
Hey!
You're going to find the perfect guy.
Someone who's good and decent and kind,
who doesn't have a dishonest bone in his body.
Oh God!
You picked a perfect table.
- I had to atone for being late. - Ooh. Too bad I hate champagne.
- Really? I'm sorry, please no... - I was joking...
It was a joke. That was a joke.
I am a dating robot, sent here to observe your ways.
You just pulled a robot voice.
All right, don't worry. There's a certain segment of the population
that goes over big for that sort of thing.
Yeah... nerds!
They're my bread and butter.
Yeah? How's that working out for you?
Oh God! Oh shit!
Hmm... this is adorable. How about you?
I don't know.
What are we... are you all right?
Hi!
Are you on the lamb?
You see that guy over by the menus? Freakishly tall, excellent mustache.
- Ok! - No, I do need to sit down somewhere.
That is a gorgeous mustache.
Well, he umm... he's a Russian diplomat.
Also kind of a pervert.
Sat next to him on the plane... got a little grabby.
Really? Wait, wait, wait... Women don't like grabby?
I'm gonna have to change my whole M.O.
I also heard him in the hotel trying to get the
room next to mine. It was just kind of weird.
I hope you switched rooms.
Oh no, no. I like to live on the edge.
Dangerous weirdoes, spicy food... Bungie jumping.
I can see dangerous weirdoes and spicy foods but...
Bungie jumping? I'm mean it's almost never sexy to puke in public.
That's what I said.
Really?
Yeah.
I mean it's really nice down here and all but...
My bet is that they're gone so...
Shall we?
Sure. Ok!
So...
Should we order?
You know what? Let's get out of here.
The service is awful and... I need to show you Nice.
You realize I'm gonna make you tell me your whole life story.
Trust me. It's boring.
Do you want some of mine?
Oh no! Actually I really don't drink that much... I should just...
Slow down.
What do you do?
Me?
Consulting... I'm a consultant... for a company.
Company consulting.
Lately we've been doing a lot of downsizing. I travel a lot so...
Downsizing... people!
Oh.
Well if you could do anything... you know...
anything in the world, what would you do?
I just think it would be nice to put down some roots, you know.
I've actually always wanted to know my neighbors. I've never had that before.
That's actually pretty beautiful.
You're pretty beautiful.
It's the dress, I...
It's not the dress.
You'd be beautiful without the dress.
Not that I'm visualizing you naked. Although...
I'm sure you would look beautiful... I'm saying that...
you would be... beautiful.. clothed...
... differently as well.
Yeah, thank you. I do need another.
- Why don't I get you another? - Okay
Don't leave.
I won't.
Stay put! Hmmph.
Okay, fine. I will dance with you.
I'm sorry. What?
You almost ripped out of your dress to try to seduce me.
It worked!
- No, I was... - Let's dance.
Okay, maybe just for a minute.
Wow! You are... a very enthusiastic dancer.
Oh, oh this... oh God! Ahh...
This is very nice but I should really get back
to my date.
Now, I blow your mind. Don't move.
Oh, now you're gonna blow my mind. Okay, oh God...
Excuse me, I'm going to cut in here.
Back off, Yankee...
Go find your own prostitute.
Oh no. No, you're misunderstanding.
I'm sorry, I am not a prostitute...
- Does this dress say prostitute? - No.
It's not really, it's just its, its maybe...
Wait... just Jen.
Yes?
- Just Jen! - Yes?
There's something that I've been wanting to do.
Your tag was still on.
- Oh no! - Sorry.
- No, no no no. - It's okay
It's okay.
No. It's... I can't afford this dress.
I left the tag on because I can't afford it.
Not unless my father buys it for me which
he wouldn't because.. he's not here.
It's okay.
It's fine. Are you okay?
No, I can't believe this. So tight!
Oh God! I knew it.
I'm sorry, I can't keep this up. I am not this girl.
I am not spontaneous.
I never drink this much.
And I don't live on the edge. I live a very quiet, normal life.
I would like a normal life, I'd kill for a normal life.
Well, just it.. it gets, it gets worse.
Just, you know that guy...
At the restaurant with the mustache?
The restaurant pervert?
That's my dad.
- Wow. - Yeah.
Sounds like a really bad home situation.
No, no! Oh God! No.
He's not Russian or a pervert.
He's a pilot.
You know, he flies planes. I... I came on vacation with my parents.
That's... how lame I am.
I was supposed to come here with my geek boyfriend
but he dumped me for this girl and then....
Sorry. Go ahead.
I can't breathe.
This dress is really, really tight.
I need to get out of it, seriously.
I've been sucking it in all night.
Can you just... you gotta get it off. Just take it off.
- Really? - Yeah, take it off.
- Okay, all right. - Yeah, lets do this.
The zipper's stuck.
Just break it, its fine. My father will pay for it.
- Break it? - Yeah, break it.
Here just... turn around.
- Stay still... don't... hold still. - Oh, my God!
I... uh...
Thanks!
I'll be... I'm gonna be over here.
Doing this... in this manner.
Thank you for...
being so honest.
I actually feel like I should share something with you.
It's gonna be really hard to say
but...
I feel like... you're real. So...
I want to be real with you.
Haven't really told anyone this before but...
I kill people.
Wow. You're taking this a lot better than I expected.
Awesome.
I mean usually it's bad people.
It's not like I'm out killing good guys.
I'm not a murderer. I'm a professional.
Like I professionally...
... kill people.
You're a great listener.
Excellent listener.
I don't like what I do, I'm not a fan of it.
But I like you.
Tomorrow, I'm going to show you Nice.
And hopefully... that's just the beginning.
Cause I like you.
You should take a bite.
Go ahead and try it, I'm not going to eat it all.
Good lord! French food...
I'm going to uh... just going to go to the restroom.
It's a crush, Spence. It happens.
Go shoot some guns and screw some models.
You'll be good as new.
Then what? Kill some more people...
They're enemies of the state. Not people.
Are you sure about that?
Cause five years ago Levedeaux worked for us.
And then the NSA and God knows who else. But this week he's the enemy.
What the hell's wrong with you?
You go and screw Polly Anna for a week
and suddenly your life's work's out the window?
She's normal.
And I feel normal when I'm with her. And maybe I...
Wake up! Her world only exists because of people like us.
And I'm sorry if people change sides.
Sometimes a friend becomes an enemy and you have to take them out.
She trusts me.
And I'm not willing to compromise that.
These jobs are not optional, Spencer.
You don't get to just walk away.
Watch me.
You are who you are, Spencer! You can't change that.
I think the best part is you're finally with someone
who's genuinely attractive.
I know.
I keep thinking I'm going to build up some kind of tolerance to his...
physical, God-like perfection,
which just hasn’t happened yet.
I'm okay.
It's a little early, mom.
Ha ha! Early...
Do you think they're all right up there?
Oh, as long as daddy doesn't shoot him, we're good.
So, I hear you're jobless.
Corporate consulting’s a tough business, sir.
Jen and I were talking about putting some roots down.
I might open up my own firm here.
Look at my shoes.
They’re Edward Greene. I picked them up 20 years ago
when I was still flying the London route.
If you have something of great quality
and you take good care of it, you'll have it forever.
I know you're worried about Jen.
Why would I worry?
I am confident
that you'll never hurt her.
That's a nice shot.
Thank you. I was an Eagle Scout.
They really let you shoot stuff in the Boy Scouts?
So do the Marines.
Semper Fi!
That was yours.
- I'm sorry. I... - Be prepared Spencer.
You would have learned that in the Boy Scouts.
I was in 4H.
You know, Jen's not some fragile China doll.
She's funny, and she's sweet. And she's smart.
But in this kind of an off kilter kind of way where one minute she
could be talking about the strategic value of Nice in WWII,
and the next she's telling me that Carey Grant dropped acid.
Which I... my point is...
It doesn't matter what she says,
I can trust her.
I depend on her.
Sir, it's not the other way around.
So...
with your blessing
I'm going to marry her.
Welcome to the family, Spencer.
- Thank you Mr. Cornfield. - Please... call me sir.
How big is it?
Oh, it's big. It's probably the biggest on the block.
Well, have I ever seen anything like it before?
Uhh... maybe in a magazine or in your dreams.
Will I know what to do with it?
I'll help you navigate the tricky parts.
Creedy, creedy.
It's this blindfold that's making me..
- Owww! Honey. - Sorry, sorry. I didn't...
Prepare...
to be...
... thrilled.
Oh my God!
Spence.
You remodeled my office.
It's so organized.
Okay, you can kiss me now.
How did I get so lucky?
How did I get a guy like you?
It was easy.
It was your charm
and your wit.
You really should not be spoiling me especially since...
it's your birthday weekend.
No, we talked about this, right.
We're not going to make a big deal out of it this year.
No presents, no parties.
It's just dinner tomorrow night with my parents, I promise
but I never agreed to no presents.
Come on! I have been keeping this secret for a week.
I'm at my limit.
You kill me.
Open it. It's tickets to Nice.
I thought we could go back to where it began you know,
and the best part is we can go anytime.
But because I rule, I got two weeks off at the end of the month.
What?
Do you not want to go to Nice?
Of course I do.
I... it's...
Things are hectic at work right now and... we have a lot going on here.
Plus the Peach parade is at the end of the month and
you were going to make your cobbler.
My cobbler sucks.
You know what made Nice great?
You!
I have everything that I need. Right here!
Hey batter batter batter batter. Hey batter batter batter.
Let's go! Pick up the pace.
Spencer!
Hi!
Lily and Mac.
Hey! I'm glad we caught you.
- Block Party. - All right.
Yeah, and you guys can dress up.
- Perfect! - Okay.
You know what? Here's another one.
Yeah. We're going to have those wings.
Great.
That's got a little bit of my spit on it.
Don't clone me.
Okay, we're going to go make love. You have fun.
- Okay. - Take care.
Have a good one.
Block party, Block party!
Our new Norton Internet security suite has sonar behaviour
based protection that defends against any unknown online threats, so...
be sure to flag that feature for undecided clients.
Okay, people. You heard her.
We're rolling this out immediately. So uh...
Let's hop to it, hmm?!
Uh.. Jen.
- Polished and concise as always. - Thank you.
Don't change a word when you go to San Francisco.
You want me to speak at the conference?
No, I want you to dominate it.
Okay. All right.
You fly out tomorrow.
Oh, Mr. Newpar, tomorrow's umm...
It's such short notice.
There's no one else you can send?
The conference isn't until Monday just...
Take the weekend to prep. You'll be fine.
Okay.
Of course, I didn't say that it was Spencer’s birthday.
Because it is extremely unprofessional to turn down a
business trip to baby-sit your husband,
- birthday or not. - And...
That's why I didn't mention it.
Can you take him out tonight or not?
Hello?
Dad?
If I have to.
Love you, sweetie.
I love you too. Bye.
No, no. It's too low.
Can you lift the back one up an inch?
- Right, no. - Sweetie.
Right, right there. Perfect.
Can you come in tomorrow? I'm sorry.
Mildred's having trouble with the billing again.
Saturday, Mildred and bills.
- A trifecta. - I'm sorry.
- Thank you. - Fine!
What do you think about this thing?
Well, Henry says it's a statement piece.
Yeah, but is it stating that we like ugly shit hanging from our ceiling?
Yep.
Yep, what?
Yes, you turned our conference room into Bambi's nightmare.
Yeah, I know.
Hey! Listen, do me a favor. Grab some flooring samples for Olivia all right?
Something durable that cleans up easy.
In case we decide to have sex on the floor.
Of course.
You're worried she'll vomit?
I like her even more when she's mean to me.
You're going to be a law suit.
Probably.
She gets aggravated though you know
when I flirt with other women. That's what it is.
You do realize that only happens in pornos.
Yeah! The good pornos.
I'm gonna give her a shot.
Soon as I'm done letting Olivia do dirty things to me.
That's going to take a while. Olivia's a bigger slut than you are.
Hey! Are we going to pretend to play basketball tonight or what?
No can do. I've got dinner with Jen.
Ahhh! I think I just saw your balls roll by.
Yeah? You wanna go catch them for me?
Ugh! Just crushed it.
Just crushed one of your balls right there.
We'll see.
Call me "ball crusher" from now on.
So! How'd it go?
Too good. Newpar is sending me to San Francisco.
No, no. Not the presentation. Spencer's gift?
What did he say about the trip?
He wants to stay home and eat cobbler.
No vacation? No French getaway?
No!
Who in their right mind, turns down a vacation like that?
Well, you know Spence. He's kind of a home body.
Okay, okay... okay.
How long have you two been married? What like three years?
- Yeah. - Okay.
That's your problem.
I have a problem?
Everyone always talks about the seven year itch.
But no one mentions the three year snooze.
People get complacent.
Get relaxed but you have to be vigilant.
Okay, otherwise you're growing out your leg hair.
You're growing out your "down there" hair, you're wearing your fat jeans
and a pair of Spanx, okay?
And the next thing you know, he runs off with
a reality TV star named Shawnda, okay?
And that's my personal experience but I'm telling you.
You better watch out because Shawnda speaks six languages
and one of those languages
... is sex. Are you going to eat that?
Getting hungz... Super hungz over here.
Peach Plaza Motel.
Ah yes. I’m trying to reach a guest named...
- Sir? Yes, uh...
Yes, the guest named Annabell Hensler.
Just a moment.
Well, it took you long enough. We need to meet.
That's not going to happen, Annabell.
Now I get that you love being this soft, suburban zombie
but like I told you 3 years ago in Nice,
you can't just walk away from this game.
I've got a job for you kiddo.
I'm out. You're going to have to find somebody else
to clean up your mess.
My mess! If you don't do this job, it'll be your mess.
I'm in room 114.
I'll be waiting for you.
- Just do what I'm telling you. - Spencer!
- Spencer. - Hey!
Spencer.
Did you just hang up on someone?
Nope!
Jenn's tied up at work so I'm supposed to do
something nice for your birthday, so... here I am.
I'm going to feed you.
Oh boy, that's great.
But really, I can just grab something real simple.
Are you saying you would rather eat alone?
Nope.
- Of course not. - I... let's break some bread.
Who's "H"?
My old boss.
Just asked me if I want my old job back.
He sent you hugs and kisses.
Yup.
It's a French thing.
You know always kissing... fruits.
I can't take you to dinner dressed like a street urchin so...
We'll stop by your house and pick up adult apparel.
I'll leave my car here.
I will meet you out front.
What's with you?
You're like a chained recess monkey at the wheel.
Just excited about the two of us grabbing dinner, huh.
You and Mrs. K. still thinking about going on that cruise?
Yes.
Where are you going to go?
I really think that's up to the Captain Spencer.
What's with you kids?
Jen shouldn't be coming home to a dark house. It's not safe.
I couldn't agree with you more sir.
Did I leave my keys in the truck?
I am not telepathic, Spencer.
Maybe I'll just...
This is not Candyland, unlocked trucks get stolen.
Which is why careful men, use the garage.
- Thank you sir. - The keys are in the ignition.
Surprise!!!
You got me good! All right.
I told you I wouldn't throw you a party...
on my birthday. Right. That's very cute.
Not what you were expecting, right?
No.
Okay!
All right.
I... you know what...
I'm going to run upstairs and change really quick.
Okay, we'll be down here waiting when you come back.
Surprise!!!
Good job, daddy!
Good evening, Peach Plaza Motel.
Yes, can you connect me with Annabell Hensler please.
One moment.
No answer sir. Would you like to leave a message?
No.
No. No message.
Well, I got a lot going on and that so,
I don't know if I'm going to make it.. - We should hang out more.
- We should. - Yes!
I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick.
Yeah, yeah. I'll join you.
Mama!
Oh sweetheart!
Oh dear.
I was just telling Jen how you were going to come over tomorrow.
We can't let you spend your birthday alone.
I've got the Block party.
We could come with you.
Yeah...
Perfect!
Great!
I'm coming, you lush!
Oh, Henry might be staying the night. - Uh huh.
I'm telling you, smoke on the water. This chick was electrified.
Pow! Snap! Pop! Whooo!!
- Ha ha ha ha. - Okay.
- I need to get a fill up. - Uh huh.
You got something there you think I might like?
I'll see you guys in a minute.
... or something you might like. It's your party.
You get to have whatever you want.
- Uhh... wine?
Having fun?
I'm uhh...
I'll go open it.
I'll be here with a birthday kiss when you get back.
I just hope that it was a good surprise, you know?
He seems kind of distracted.
He wasn't expecting a house full of people. Cut him some slack.
Maybe Kristen is right about the 3 year thing.
You would tell me right? You wouldn't sugar coat it
cause with things like that, it's just better to know.
I mean, my legs aren't hairy but, I have been in my
fat jeans for the last two weeks which...
Maybe why he would rather stay home and make cobbler
than go on vacation with me. Oh my God.
- I really am freaking out. - What's going on with you guys?
You got her all freaked out at lunch.
Are you still having sex with Spencer? Yes or no?
Yeah, all the time.
Then your marriage is fine.
Guys can we please play charades now? Come on.
Are you sure you're all right?
Yeah yeah, I'm okay.
- Okay. Alright. - Okay!
Watch the steps!
Walk home! He really shouldn't be driving.
Yeah, he's fine.
- Oooh... - Aaah!
No no babe. I got it.
No honey no. I got it.
I'll put the house to bed.
You've got to start packing.
- Babe, it's your birthday. - I got it.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
Okay, just do the bare minimum, I'll get the rest in the morning.
I love you.
Thank you. I love you!
Where are your pants?
- Is something wrong? - Huh?
No, of course not.
Are you sure?
I mean, is everything okay between us?
You're kidding, right?
Come here. Come here. This the spot?
Maybe I could skip the Cornfield packing method just this once.
Your flights early, you should keep packing.
I should have just told Newpar I'd go tomorrow.
I feel terrible missing your birthday.
No worries. I've got another one next year.
Well, hold on.
You need your birthday kiss.
Okay!
We don't want the neighbors to get jealous.
Throwing a little porno in the driveway.
Don't want you to be late,
for the airport.
- Better get you going. - Okay!
... miss your flight.
There we go!
Hey Jen!
Jen!
- Hey! Jen. - Hey Jackie.
You're up early for a party animal.
Oh yeah, I'm just runnning off to the airport.
My Doggie says its a good thing that we're such sound sleepers
because you know a lot of other people might have
an issue with all that noise.
Any who. Doggy wants to talk to Spence about this whole
fence on the property line bruhauhau we're having.
We don't want to bring lawyers into it any more than you do, right?
But, we're quite sure our new fence is not on your land.
- You know, you understand. - Oh yeah perfectly, of course but you
understand you're gonna have to take it up with Spence, right?
Okay?
Thanks Jackie, I'm sorry. I'm in a big rush. See you soon.
Okay, you're late.
Hey, did you guys have fun last night?
Oh yeah, it was great.
Of course, I'm paying for it this morning.
You're still taking Spence out tonight though, right?
Yes, for the hundredth time.
Good.
Okay, did daddy promise to be nice to him?
Hmmm... not in so many words.
Just get yourself on the plane. Let us take care of Spence, okay?
Okay... well, I'll call you when I get to San Francisco.
Love you.
Love you too dear, bye.
Mmmmm.
What was that? You or me?
That's me.
That's you.
Here you go.
You got any milk?
Yeah.
Everything all right?
Yeah.
What do I got? I've got some skim milk and...
I've got some low fat yogurt.
You know what you can do? You can mix the two together.
What the hell are you doing man?
You should have seen your face.
You almost crapped your pants.
Yeah, it's really funny....
What are you doing?
Killing you buddy.
Where are you going Spence, huh?
You got a gun upstairs or something?
Surprise! I'm back.
Spence?
What are you doing!?
Spencer! Stop it!
Stop! You're hurting him.
I need you to give me something.
Stop it. Upstairs, in the bedside table...
- There's a Glock .45 - A Glock?!
A gun! Just go get it!
- Why do you have a gun?! - Just get it!
I'm coming, I'm coming...
- I kind of need you to hurry. - Okay, okay, I'm here.
Your job right now. I need you to point the gun at him...
and shoot him in the face.
What?!
Don't do it, he's gone crazy. It's a psychotic break...
Don't do it!
Just shoot him!
Okay.
Oww!! Bitch shot me.
What, are you crazy?!
You told me to shoot him in the face.
Yeah, I didn't think you were really going to shoot.
I was telling you to divert his...
Well, then you should have waved or crossed your fingers or something.
I was a little busy trying not to die.
- Oh God, I shot him. - It's all right.
He's just knocked out, he's not dead.
It's okay. I need you to go to the basement
and get the duct tape.
There's duct tape downstairs. Go downstairs and get the duct tape.
- I can't move. - Come on babe.
- I can't move! - It's okay.
It's okay!
It's okay.
It's okay, he's going to be okay.
Maybe.
Spence?
What is happening?
I'm about to find out.
- Ahhh!!! Stop. - Wake up.
- Owwwww!!! - You're hurting him.
Yeah, I think he'll be all right.
Sorry, I'm bleeding on your chair.
You just had it reupholstered, right?
Yeah.
You were under contract.
Contract for what? The business?
Somebody hired him to kill me.
Oh my God!
I thought we were friends.
Really? Because you never seemed that invested.
Owww!!!
I covered for you with every client that we have.
I talked a half a dozen hussy girls out of slashing your tires.
I even drove you to the free clinic when your balls were
swollen and you had that fungal thing!
- No, no no no. - I helped you bury "Sir Barks-a-lot."
Hey. He was a good dog, all right.
Leave him out of this.
He couldn't fetch for shit.
Spencer.
Yeah?
By the end of the day, you're going to be just as dead as he is.
You got a 20 million dollar bounty on your head.
Oh God!
Are you going to faint?
Unless I puke first.
Breathe.
It's okay.
How is this okay?
I'll explain. Just not right now.
No, you explain now! I want you to explain right now!
Jen?
Spence?
Hello?
Yeah, that’s it. Be very quiet.
Maybe the other assassin will go away.
Yoo-hoo! They could be any of your neighbors.
Come out, come out wherever you are.
What?
You didn't think I'd have some competition?
- $20 million buys a lot of patience. - Helloooooo!
I can see your car.
Spencer, it's just Jackie Valero.
I know you're in there.
She just wants to talk about the property line or something.
Or... kill you.
Hello you two, hello?
I want to talk about the fence.
What do we do?
Go.
- What about him? - Oh no no!
- Spencer, stop. - If I don't, he'll come after us.
He's our friend.
He's a liar.
- Put your seatbelt on. - I am, I am.
Jen!
Jen! What's going on?
- ... my gun. - I can tell.
Jen, everything all right?
Good morning.
Slow down!
Stop the car right there, I am getting out right now!
Sit down!
I have a right to freak out, I don't even know who the hell you're!
It's me.
I just have a different resume.
Who do you work for?
Is it the Mob?
I can't tell you. If I tell you, they could kill you too.
Let's just say that I work for the blah, blah, blah
and they gave me a license to blah.
I need air. I need air right now.
- Honey... - My God!
It was never my primary directive.
- Are we even married? I mean... - Yes,
- legally married? - we're married.
- I got out. - ... not married in your heart?
I got out in France.
- I was in a love bubble in France. - I was in a love bubble too...
I've got something for you Spence.
- Spread your legs. - Oh no!
- You are not getting off that easy. - Spread 'em!!
- Okay. Oh my God. - Here. Hold this.
Hold on.
He's on my side. He's on my side.
Oh cool! Race cars.
Damn!
That got him.
You okay?
- Mmm hmm. - Alright.
He's going to be close behind.
- Oh God! - Hide.
- What? - Hide now!
What are you going to do?
I'm going to kill him.
Whoa!!!
Spence?
Spencer.
Get in the truck.
Is he...?
Yeah.
Start talking.
I was recruited in college, freshman year.
Why did they choose you?
They look for independent people. And after my parents passed...
I didn't have any family. So...
We've gotta go babe.
You can be pissed at me in the truck.
Are you going to kill me too?
Come on. If I was going to kill you,
I would have shot you back at the house.
Uh.. that...
Sounded weird, I...
Logically, you know that... that's true.
Okay.
- Spread 'em. - For God's sake,
what else do you have down there?
How many people Spencer?
Four...
... teen.
Fifteen. It's fifteen.
Is fifteen your real number or is that like when
you ask a girl how many guy's she's slept with
and you have to double in and times it by ten?
- I didn't do that. I'm just... - Fifteen is my number.
And they were all bad guys as far as I know.
But it was getting harder to tell.
And then I met you.
And we fell in love and I got out.
Well, my boss reached out to me yesterday.
He's staying in a hotel, Peach Plaza.
He'll know what's going on.
Sweetie...
your gun is showing.
Where do you expect me to put it?
Have you seen the size of this thing?
Oh, it's my dad.
Should I take it?
I thought you said you were going to change that?
Sweetheart, relax.
It's a little early to check on Spencer, don't you think?
And Jen will just be getting settled at the hotel.
Yeah.
You're right.
Spence?
I got the...
Easy...
It's my old boss, Holbrook.
Two to the heart, one in the head.
It's old school training. Had to be an experienced hitter.
All right.
Judging from his body, it happened earlier this morning.
It's okay.
It's the adrenaline.
You're going in a little bit.
How can you talk about him like that? You knew him.
It's my training baby.
Sorry.
Spence, I can't stay here.
I think I'm going to get sick.
Just give me a second baby.
Gotta have some information
about the target.
You already looked there.
I'm missing something.
It's the watch.
It's wrong.
He'd never wear anything this flashy. Nothing to get noticed.
Look at this.
- It's broken. Who cares? - No no.
It's a plug in for like a flash drive or something. It's missing.
You're right. Someone's taken the drive.
Okay! All right.
Let's go.
Do you think that Henry got to Holbrook?
No, Henry was in agreement until this morning.
There was another shooter at the house.
I think we need to get out of here.
Absolutely.
And go to my parents.
- No. - Yes!
- No! - Yes!
My dad will know what to do.
I used to do this for a living, okay. We do not want to
involve your parents. And we definitely
- don't need help from your dad. - I think we do.
Because your plan
to kill Henry and come see a dead guy. It's not really working out.
I should have seen this coming.
Of course you're going to rope your parents into this.
Oh! You are a spy and a double agent
but I'm the bad guy because I want to call my parents. Really?
We've been married for three years
and we've never been more
- than 5 minutes... - Do you want to do this right now?
- away from your parents. - Come on now.
They're always coming over and your dad's all
well, like...
"This is how the Cornfields load the dishwasher" and
"Mow the lawn clockwise, because that's the Cornfield way."
"Take this piece of coal, stick it up your keester."
"Squeeze it real tight like we do and you'll make a Cornfield diamond."
Okay now, hold up a minute. You're talking about my parents.
Jen, I'm your husband.
What are we going to do when we have our own kids?
Jen, just talk to me.
If you could just talk to me for a second.
I take it back, I love your parents.
I'm sending them a mental hug right now. Look!
Spencer! Hey... you okay?
Yeah, I'm good.
Yeah!
Your garage. It's... it's a wreck.
- Yeah, it was a party foul it... - You do realize we
have the Block party tonight and its a... it's a real eyesore.
Well, then don't look at it, Pete!
You can't just run off like that.
You make it impossible for me to protect you.
A little late for protection.
Think about it. My emotions are all over the place.
I'm picking up smells that half the K-9 unit would miss.
Plus, I pretty much feel like vomiting every time I breathe.
It's been a stressful day.
Explain these...
Aren't they always that big?
You take the pill every day.
I know, but I had strep last month, remember?
I had to take a Z pack.
Antibiotics knock out the pill. That's why I told you we
- had to be careful. - I thought you were talking about
my technique,
- not getting knocked up. - Okay, you know what.
- Don't yell at me, sureshot. - I'm not.
You're the one who suggested 'Naked Saturdays.'
Can I help you?
Stop it.
- What? She's staring at us. - You don't...
- Staring is rude. - You know what?
Can we just... we're not in a library here. Let's just pick up the pace.
Well, they're not all equally accurate, okay?
Well, it's just crazy to stand out here in the aisle so...
Take one. Take them all. I don't know? Who cares?
I care. I care Spence. It would be awesome
to know if I am actually making a little being
inside of me, okay? And don't you call me crazy!
I'm not calling you crazy.
The scenario is crazy, standing here is crazy.
You know what? You're not helping.
Uh... folks? Could I be of some assistance?
Yes!
Yes, you can.
Ahh... uhh...
Kevin...
Which one of these is the most accurate?
Jen. I don't think he's a pregnancy test expert.
Well...
First Response seems to be pretty popular uh...
... can't seem to keep it on the shelf. Here you go.
Okay.
- Must be your first. - Pregnancy test?
Baby.
Oh, yeah.
Well, it may be your lucky day.
Stop it.
Look at that. It's on sale.
Great!
That's great.
- Let's go. - Thank you so much. Thanks.
I'm coming.
No judging.
I need to follow protocol, report Holbrook's termination.
I'll get a safe house.
You'll be protected there
and I can figure out
who Holbrook's target was.
Maybe find out who set this whole thing in motion.
As long as I get to pee on the stick and eat my delicious jerky, I'm in.
Great.
Listen, there's one more thing.
You can't be upset... I need to steal a car.
- The truck's shot to shit. - It will be the least awful
thing we do all day so... go for it..
Honey, I'm eating like I just got home from Fat Camp.
I'm glad you said it.
Really?
You want to poke Mama Bear right now? That seems like a good idea?
- Hey, you're kind of scary right now. - Just make your phone call.
You are a go for contact.
This is Zulu one four niner. Sierra one zero zero's been forcibly retired
prior to contact. Please advise a secure location for briefing.
Hold for further instructions.
- Zulu one four niner? - It's my code name.
It's just not very catchy.
Sorry, all the cool code names were taken.
Zulu one four niner. Please confirm your contact and his status.
Sierra one zero zero and his status is dead
and I believe his target has put a hit on me.
Negative. Sierra one zero zero has no target.
He is no longer an active agent. Please provide
your location and coordinate.
What happened?
Something's not right.
Where are you going?
To search Henry's stuff. See if we can find out who hired him.
Maybe there's a connection to Holbrook.
Oh and you could do your... pee thing.
I got it.
I'm in.
- Porn... porn... porn..... Poooooorn. - Porn.
People are so inventive.
- They're like propped up there and... - Okay.
Okay, how weird is this going to get?
Because there are some things that you cannot unsee.
It's a picture of Henry's dog, "Sir Barks-a-lot."
In costume?
Wait a minute.
Look at the size of these files.
Oh my God.
These are pictures from two years ago.
I mean, this was the first Block party we went to.
Whoever set this up was patient enough to embed Henry and
- God knows who else into my life. - Our life.
Our life.
Wait, wha...
I'm pretty sure your dad took that one.
- What is that supposed to mean? - Nothing, It's just an observation.
Yes. An observation about my father and that photo.
Because it's a picture that he took.
- Okay, so now my dad, is a bad guy. - I definitely did not...
No no no.
You're right. You're right.
Because you're a liar... and a hitman. - Oh... okay!
- and everyone probably is too... - Here we go.
So I bet my mom's in on it
and Granny Cornfield.
Yeah, I think she's just messing with our minds with
the whole "I'm in a wheelchair bit!"
Okay, we are getting into some counter productive
territory here and... I think we should move on to
something else. Like...
Like... maybe we should piss on a stick now? That would be a good idea.
It is a good idea because I do have to pee.
Grab my gun.
You can't just walk out and...
You are aware that people are trying to kill us.
I really have to go.
Oh, for God's sake just turn the light on.
It's not like there's a lot of places to hide.
Just humour me.
Why... thanks.
I can't pee with you just standing there staring at me.
Honey, you've peed in front of me a million times.
But there's a little more pressure now, don't you think?
Better?
No.
No...?
Ahhhh...
Honey, can you please just give me one minute?
It's going to take a minute.
You can guard the door.
- Hey! - Hey.
You're here.
You're here!
Oh God, look...
There's a problem with the wind pipe count June 2008.
The billing? You might want to take a look at it.
You know what? Let's forget the billing.
We'll just... we'll take care of it on Monday.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Okay.
Great.
Spence?
Hey. You, you... stop it.
Stop it.
Honey, I don't know how... it's not, it's not shooting.
I don't... oh, fuck.
Are you okay?
Hey, are you all right?
I'm out of ammo.
Bullets before babies huh?
Ammo's kind of important right now.
What's it say?
What's two bars mean?
Hey, you've got to translate this for me.
Hey!
Am I going to be a dad?
I'm going to be a mother
but I'm not sure yet if you're going to be a father.
Jen, Jen...
I know you're upset.
And you have every right to be, but I can't change who I was.
Where does that leave us?
We'll figure it out.
- How? - I will keep you safe.
How?
Tell me how...
and I will stay.
It's over, Spence.
I know you don't want this to be over.
What I wanted stopped mattering the moment I saw those two bars.
Where are you going?
Jen.... Jen. Jen!
Oh!
Oh... Olivia!
Henry, who is calling you?
You've got to be kidding me.
Hey Spence, I've got a package for you.
Relax buddy.
Try a little decaf.
Come on around the other side for me.
I think it's that back ordered fabric from Tuscan.
Sure took its sweet time in getting here, huh?
Yeah.
I just need your signature on the top there.
- Pen? - Oh yeah.
I think I got him.
Yeah, you got him.
Oh God, I'm glad you're okay. God, look at the windshield.
You must have really pissed him off.
Is anyone... not trying to kill me?
Thanks.
Let's go steal a car.
So what do we do now?
I don't know.
Maybe some couples counseling.
No.
Now.
Spencer, what do we do? Right now.
- Right! Right now... - Right!
Right now we're going to go to the house. I've got a Go bag.
We've got money, weapons, passports. We're set.
Why exactly do we have a Go bag, Spencer?
Did you know this was going to happen?
No. I didn't know.
You're lying.
You are lying.
Am I telling you everything? No.
I'm not telling you everything. Okay.
But we're married, that's what married people do honey.
They lie to each other.
They tell people things that aren't true to keep them safe
and to protect one another when they
ask things like if they have their mother's arms.
Not that you have your mother's arms. I'm not...
- You lie to me. - No, I didn't.
- The first time we met. - No, I didn't!
Unless your dad is a Russian pervert?
Well, I came clean about that.
You didn't.
You did not come clean.
- Did too. - No, you didn't.
I told you... I can't help that you were sleeping.
I didn't know that you sleep like a dead person.
- Come on! - For all I know,
you heard everything I said.
Based on what?
Based on... your leg... was twitching.
God, you know this is perfect. This is just perfect.
You couldn't have been just hiding Tranny porn in the Crawlspace
like Suzy Pratt's husband, Murray?
Really? Murray Pratt?
No no no no, you... had to be a spy.
I can't believe I married a spy. What am I? Pussy Galore?
Not that I know of.
Excuse me?
You're going to complain now about our sex life?
Is that what you're doing?
- I'm not going to complain - That's what you're going to do now?
about our sex...
Pull the car over! We'll have sex right now!
No! We're going to my parents. We are going to my parents!
- No. No! - I'm taking us to my parents house.
We're not going to your parents house. - Yes! Yes...
Yes, we are.
- We are... - I said YES!
Listen to me.
We can not go to your parents, you have to trust me.
I love you!
And I will protect you. Now you did
a great job of finding a car. I need you to point it at the house
and step on it.
Okay, fine.
I'm stepping on it and it's not...
It's not going... it's...
stopping actually. It's starting to...
... not go.
Didn't notice the uhh... blinking fuel light?
You're right.
I apologize. Topping off the tank should have been my first priority.
Run... run!
Go!
Darn it!
- It's locked. Stop pulling it! - Come on!
I missed...
Really?
Run!
20 Million!!! You got him sweetie.
God, those Volvo's are amazing.
- Shit! - The Block party.
Stay close. Keep moving.
Walnut muffin?
Hi guys! Spence... Spence. Jen... Jen.
Jen... Jen... where are you guys going?
They've got corn dogs. They’ve got regular...
and they've got bacon covered.
Hey honey! There's no way she's packing heat.
You'd be surprised where people hide stuff.
Guys, can I use the bathroom in your house?
Number one.
- Where is the Go bag? - In the office.
Stay away from the windows, okay. The safe is
underneath the carpet and the combination's our anniversary.
Where are you going?
To get the guns.
Oh, to get the guns. More guns.
That's great!
Rotilda Walfredsson?
Ooh, I'm Swedish.
Spence?
Spencer, is that you?
Spence?
Spencer, is that you?
Oh God!
Mom.
Hey, you know... it is actually not a great time.
You think?
Kristen?
You know... that actually kind of makes sense.
Lower your gun or it's last call for mommy.
I told you, she's not a nice girl.
You told her that?
That's very rude.
God damn it! Who is up there?
I don't know.
If somebody shoots Mr. Perfect before I have the chance to...
I will kill you both.
On principal, lower your gun, now!
Check it out.
Just let my mom go, okay. I am all the leverage you need.
I didn't spend the last three years listening to you babble incisively
about your perfect little life
to F it all up now.
So get in the living room, both of you.
Let's go!
Turn around.
Come here, dear.
Come on.
You okay? Are you all right?
Jen...
To be fair, we did have some good times.
Yeah!
Remember when...
Oh, there you are dear.
Answer the phone, sir.
My dead best friend wants to let you know that your target's still alive.
Stand down, Spencer.
Whoa, hey... guys.
He killed Holbrook.
Two to the heart, one to the head. Remember?
And then he pulled the trigger on me.
Daddy, is that true?
I put sleepers in your life because I didn't trust your husband.
I hoped I'd never have to use it.
It's the flash drive from Holbrooks watch.
It's all there, his old boss turned dirty.
And in you office... when I saw that card with his name on it,
I knew you were back in the game and you were coming after me.
So I activated the killers.
I'm not trying to kill you, sir.
Why don't you tell her about Nice, where you tried to blow me up.
How did you know about Nice?
I was supposed to be on that helicopter.
When I saw you, I didn't go.
You said you got out when we met in France,
you said you were in the love bubble.
I got out.
I'm out!
Just look at him, does he look like he's out?
It was my last job.
I'm out! I got out...
for us.
And I'm never going back.
So...
You are not a pilot.
Daddy enough, put your gun down. I have been dodging
bullets all day thanks to you and it is not good for the baby.
You have a baby?
No, I'm going to.
Ohh!! I knew it.
- Let's celebrate. - Okay!
I'm going to be a Grandpa?
Yes.
Oh God!
Oh my God.
And you are the father?
Oh for God's sakes, dad.
Okay.
This would be a great time for a trust circle.
A trust circle?
Yes.
Yeah!
Yeah! Let's do that, okay.
Let's gather everybody. Dad, pull up a chair.
Mother, join us.
O... kay.
Okay.
I don't do trust circles.
I know mother, but I think that this is necessary. Humour me.
Okay.
I finally understand
that I am not to blame for this dynamic, okay?
You are!
And you need to own that. I need to own the fact that
I unwittingly married the one man who is exactly like my father.
A liar.
So...
If any of you want to ever see this kid. This is what's going to happen.
Okay.
There will be no more lying.
No more... stealing cars or...
hiding weapons in the furniture.
And I never want to see you two try to kill each other again.
Okay, in fact...
There will be no more killing.
I don't want to see you swat a fucking fly!
Okay?
All right.
Are we all together on this?
- Yeah... - Yeah.
Great job baby.
Is there anything else
that I need to or should know?
Anyone?
Spencer?
English is not my first language.
Oh. Oh. And also... The third week that we were together,
you said I love you...
in your sleep. And I didn't tell you
because I wanted to be the one who said it first.
So...
Thank you honey.
Mom?
Dear, you remember that time that,
I took you and your little friend for a boat ride?
No.
No?
Well, forget it then. We're good.
Okay.
Okay... fine.
In addition to planting killers in your life
and secretly working for a government agency,
I would like to admit...
Yoo hoo!
Jen!
We need to talk about that darn property line.
Hi, Jen...
Sweetie?
I don't think she was a killer.
Oh, I know.
Red wire crosses blue, good as new.
Blue crosses red, good as dead, I know. It's my saying.
That's not your saying, that's my saying. You copied me.
I did not copy... I've not copied you a day in my life.
Really?
I think it's coming in nice, don't you?
No.
Well, he likes it.
Don't you, buddy?
You like daddy's mustache don't you? Don't you like that mustache?
How's my little big guy doing?
Great. Except for your dad thinks I'm copying him which I'm not.
Will you please tell him I'm not copying him.
Sorry sweetie. Every girl marries her father.
Oh, that's not gross.
I certainly did.
Oh my father was one handsome man.
Well built... rippling muscles.
His mustache was a lot larger than yours though.
- Thick! Like a Vulcan forest. - Well, that's nice mother
but you're here to baby-sit, not creep me out.
So if you wouldn't mind...
Oh... hi!
Yeah, Grandma's a little scary.
You know, maybe it's too soon. Maybe we should just stay.
No, no. It's not too soon. We're not staying. It's date night.
We're going to go out. It's going to be great. I'm wearing my skinny jeans.
Don't worry Spencer. You can trust us.
Well, if we can't trust them, who can we trust, right?
Right!
Bye, buddy!