1
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,132
You don't mess with the Zohan!

2
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,244
Come disco.

3
00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:35,649
No, no, no.
I no disco, I make the fish.

4
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,483
Danny, come on, go disco.

5
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:40,820
Oh, okay. Disco!

6
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:44,457
Danny, that looks good. You're gonna
be a hit at your bar mitzvah.

7
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:49,598
<i>So okay, Mr. Big Penachim,
I no see you disco.</i>

8
00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:51,600
<i>No, no, no. I making dagim.
I no disco.</i>

9
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:54,740
<i>A real man, he can disco
and cooking dagim.</i>

10
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,000
So let's go.

11
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:02,247
Go, go.

12
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:05,580
I get the hummus for you.

13
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,150
And for you.

14
00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:12,955
Little for me, eh!

15
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:20,022
No.

16
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,296
No.

17
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,335
<i>Kapara, what is going on!</i>

18
00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:28,804
<i>Just some bullshit-uchen.</i>

19
00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:30,866
Let's go!

20
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:34,980
Hey, I'm on vacation here.
Can't you see this!

21
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:39,050
You promised me time off.
Get someone else to do it.

22
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,517
Are they gonna hurt him!

23
00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:47,819
No one can hurt the Zohan.

24
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:54,497
- Bye, Zohan.
- Take care, man.

25
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:15,521
The terrorist known as Phantom...

26
00:04:15,687 --> 00:04:18,815
...was spotted yesterday at a
Hacky Sack tournament in Beirut.

27
00:04:24,730 --> 00:04:27,927
He may be have been trying to
bait us by surfacing briefly.

28
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:31,501
We believe he's being kept in a safe
house on the Lebanon border.

29
00:04:31,669 --> 00:04:33,000
How is we lose Phantom!

30
00:04:33,171 --> 00:04:35,571
Didn't I capture Phantom
three months ago!

31
00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:37,765
What, you didn't hear
about the trade!

32
00:04:37,942 --> 00:04:39,068
What trade!

33
00:04:41,913 --> 00:04:43,847
Zohan, we gave back the Phantom.

34
00:04:44,015 --> 00:04:46,415
No!

35
00:04:46,584 --> 00:04:48,950
What do you mean,
we give back the Phantom!

36
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,553
Zohan, relax.

37
00:04:50,722 --> 00:04:53,953
It was a good trade.
We got back Etan and David.

38
00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:56,889
That's all we got
for a veteran terrorist!

39
00:04:57,061 --> 00:04:59,586
Come on, we got hosed here.

40
00:04:59,764 --> 00:05:01,891
They threw in a spy
to be named later.

41
00:05:02,066 --> 00:05:04,193
Come on, Zohan,
you have to like that deal.

42
00:05:04,369 --> 00:05:06,132
Maybe they're talking about Ze'ev.

43
00:05:06,304 --> 00:05:08,738
Ze'ev.
Come on, he's not even a good spy.

44
00:05:08,906 --> 00:05:12,034
He got caught, for God's sake.
He's a stupid.

45
00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:16,408
Our plan is to enter the building from
the front with a team of eight men...

46
00:05:16,581 --> 00:05:19,277
...with an additional 12 men
at perimeter positions.

47
00:05:19,450 --> 00:05:23,284
Unfortunately, there is a high
probability of collateral damage...

48
00:05:23,454 --> 00:05:27,049
...including property and loss of life,
on both sides.

49
00:05:27,225 --> 00:05:28,783
Okay, here we go.

50
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,154
Excuse me!

51
00:05:30,328 --> 00:05:33,627
Come on, is it not safer
to send one man into building...

52
00:05:33,798 --> 00:05:36,062
...with minimal coverage
to take out the target...

53
00:05:36,234 --> 00:05:38,429
...instead of blowing up
half the neighborhood!

54
00:05:38,603 --> 00:05:39,968
Well, who would do that!

55
00:05:40,138 --> 00:05:41,503
Oh, "who would do that!"

56
00:05:41,673 --> 00:05:43,971
You know you were
going to ask the Zohan.

57
00:05:44,142 --> 00:05:45,336
Zohan, why you say this!

58
00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:48,673
I just laid out an entire plan
which didn't rely on you.

59
00:05:48,846 --> 00:05:51,007
Come on, Yaron,
you're setting me up.

60
00:05:51,182 --> 00:05:54,948
All this talk of civilian casualties,
then of course I end up doing it.

61
00:05:55,119 --> 00:05:58,247
- But I'm not even asking you to do it.
- All right, I'll do it.

62
00:05:58,423 --> 00:06:02,189
Give me Avi and Koby as watch,
I'll get it done without the mess.

63
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,988
Well, thank you. You didn't have to.

64
00:06:05,163 --> 00:06:07,529
<i>Oh, I didn't have to, bullschlassah.</i>

65
00:06:08,366 --> 00:06:09,856
Have some Fizzy Bubblech.

66
00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:14,303
"Kiwi watermelon"! Yeah, is good.

67
00:06:57,081 --> 00:06:59,709
"Avalon."

68
00:07:18,469 --> 00:07:20,266
Chunky cuts.

69
00:07:21,672 --> 00:07:23,765
Zohan, what are you doing!
The girls are here.

70
00:07:23,941 --> 00:07:25,772
I know, I was watching television.

71
00:07:25,943 --> 00:07:28,741
Well, if you want to have fun with us,
we're right next door.

72
00:07:28,913 --> 00:07:31,609
- Good with the sticky, you should do it.
- No, no, no.

73
00:07:31,783 --> 00:07:34,616
I am going to dinner with my parents.
Just leave me alone.

74
00:07:34,786 --> 00:07:38,085
- All right, all right.
- It is all right!

75
00:07:39,390 --> 00:07:41,085
You don't giggle at the Zohan.

76
00:07:41,259 --> 00:07:44,023
You hear me!
No giggling at the Zohan.

77
00:07:44,195 --> 00:07:46,595
You never giggle at the Zohan.

78
00:07:51,469 --> 00:07:52,766
<i>What's the matter, tatele?</i>

79
00:07:52,937 --> 00:07:55,770
You haven't touched
your baba ganoush.

80
00:07:58,209 --> 00:08:00,973
What would you think if I tell you...

81
00:08:01,145 --> 00:08:03,443
...I want to leaving the army,
start a new life!

82
00:08:03,915 --> 00:08:08,978
Why would you do that!
You are good at it. It's steady pay.

83
00:08:09,153 --> 00:08:11,144
You can't leave,
you're one of their best.

84
00:08:11,322 --> 00:08:13,449
Besides, you are too old
to take a risk.

85
00:08:13,624 --> 00:08:17,060
Stay in the army, play it safe.

86
00:08:17,228 --> 00:08:19,924
There's other things I can do
besides war.

87
00:08:20,097 --> 00:08:21,564
You don't war.

88
00:08:21,732 --> 00:08:24,326
- I was in the real war.
- I know, I know the story.

89
00:08:24,502 --> 00:08:26,663
1967.

90
00:08:26,838 --> 00:08:30,672
We were surrounded on all sides,
outnumbered.

91
00:08:30,842 --> 00:08:33,072
- And in six days, we...
- And in six days, we won.

92
00:08:33,244 --> 00:08:35,872
You won. I'm sorry,
I don't have a big, fancy war...

93
00:08:36,047 --> 00:08:37,639
...that lasted all of six days...

94
00:08:37,815 --> 00:08:42,946
Six days and five hours.
Your generation likes to forget that.

95
00:08:45,156 --> 00:08:48,717
Dad, I've done so much
for the country. When does it end!

96
00:08:48,893 --> 00:08:52,329
They've been fighting for 2000 years.
It can't be much longer.

97
00:08:53,664 --> 00:08:57,122
All of my friends served
the minimum three years.

98
00:08:57,301 --> 00:08:59,826
Why can't I move on!
Do something else.

99
00:09:00,004 --> 00:09:02,370
Something more creative.

100
00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:04,201
Creative, what!

101
00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:07,208
You've caught so many terrorists,
it's an art.

102
00:09:07,378 --> 00:09:09,812
You're like Rembrandt
with a grenade.

103
00:09:09,981 --> 00:09:11,039
What will you do!

104
00:09:12,783 --> 00:09:14,444
Maybe go to America.

105
00:09:14,619 --> 00:09:17,486
What, and haggle over
stereo equipment!

106
00:09:17,655 --> 00:09:19,452
Wait a minute, Ya'acov.

107
00:09:19,624 --> 00:09:22,286
Uncle Levi will set you up
at electronic store.

108
00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:25,987
You make money, sow your
creative oats, you come back.

109
00:09:26,163 --> 00:09:28,893
No, I don't want to do
electronics store.

110
00:09:29,533 --> 00:09:31,160
Then how will you make money!

111
00:09:32,770 --> 00:09:34,169
I don't want to say.

112
00:09:34,338 --> 00:09:38,502
Zohan, if you can't tell your parents,
who can you tell!

113
00:09:38,676 --> 00:09:40,974
Come, Zohanele.

114
00:09:44,515 --> 00:09:47,916
I want to cut...

115
00:09:48,085 --> 00:09:51,054
...and style hair.

116
00:09:58,162 --> 00:10:00,562
<i>You... You fagala?</i>

117
00:10:00,731 --> 00:10:02,858
<i>He's fag... Faga...</i>

118
00:10:06,337 --> 00:10:09,465
I like hair. It's pleasant,
it's peaceful, no one gets hurt.

119
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:14,270
<i>Well, you're only digging
that fagala hole deeper and deeper.</i>

120
00:10:15,613 --> 00:10:19,845
<i>Hello, down there!
Hello, in the fagala hole.</i>

121
00:10:20,885 --> 00:10:22,546
Maybe he wants Vaseline.

122
00:10:24,388 --> 00:10:27,084
Yes, it's so funny.

123
00:10:55,152 --> 00:11:02,149
I just want to make people
silky smooth.

124
00:11:11,669 --> 00:11:14,900
You know the Phantom will try to run,
so be ready for this.

125
00:11:15,072 --> 00:11:16,733
- Zohan, now!
- So let's go.

126
00:11:34,892 --> 00:11:36,086
The Zohan.

127
00:11:45,870 --> 00:11:47,337
Freeze!

128
00:11:59,150 --> 00:12:04,486
I get it, I get it,
you guys don't like our country.

129
00:12:11,695 --> 00:12:12,957
So we are the bad ones.

130
00:12:13,130 --> 00:12:16,293
I'd love to sit and discuss this
with you, but I'm short on time.

131
00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:18,560
I'm just saying.
It's not so cut-and-dry.

132
00:12:20,971 --> 00:12:23,166
We settled here
for hundreds of years!

133
00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:24,500
Good point.

134
00:12:24,675 --> 00:12:28,133
None of my ancestors ever stepped
foot in this land. No, you're right.

135
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,246
Hey, don't walk away!

136
00:12:31,348 --> 00:12:33,816
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

137
00:12:33,984 --> 00:12:35,918
Hello, jackass.

138
00:12:38,923 --> 00:12:42,859
You think you can oppress my people,
landgrabber!

139
00:12:43,427 --> 00:12:46,658
But I will never disappear.

140
00:12:46,831 --> 00:12:49,891
No one can catch Phantom!

141
00:12:57,708 --> 00:12:59,107
So let's go.

142
00:13:15,426 --> 00:13:16,791
Very good.

143
00:13:47,591 --> 00:13:49,491
Sorry. It's for the cause.

144
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,240
Zohan.

145
00:14:08,946 --> 00:14:12,109
Zohan, bring it.

146
00:14:27,464 --> 00:14:29,261
Why you do this! I feel no pain.

147
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:32,800
No, no, no. I feel no pain.

148
00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:36,428
- I feel no pain. This is too much...
- No, no, no. I feel no pain.

149
00:14:36,607 --> 00:14:38,165
I have told you in other fights.

150
00:14:38,342 --> 00:14:40,833
No, no, no. I kill you right now.

151
00:14:46,183 --> 00:14:48,151
Look, look, look.

152
00:14:51,989 --> 00:14:55,425
The piranha,
it looks very painful for you.

153
00:14:55,593 --> 00:14:57,356
Is good, is good.

154
00:14:57,528 --> 00:14:59,621
Is very nice. Yes, yes.

155
00:14:59,797 --> 00:15:01,992
Fizzy Bubblech for me.

156
00:15:06,770 --> 00:15:08,135
You like what you see!

157
00:15:11,342 --> 00:15:12,468
Time to die.

158
00:15:12,643 --> 00:15:14,167
So let's go.

159
00:15:24,021 --> 00:15:26,546
Okay, game over.

160
00:15:45,976 --> 00:15:47,409
Yeah!

161
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:50,770
I kill!

162
00:15:51,315 --> 00:15:54,250
I kill the Zohan!

163
00:15:55,019 --> 00:15:56,077
Zohan is dead.

164
00:15:59,923 --> 00:16:02,050
The Phantom!

165
00:16:33,857 --> 00:16:36,985
Cutting the hair,
this makes something beautiful.

166
00:16:37,161 --> 00:16:39,152
Instead of shooting it.

167
00:16:39,330 --> 00:16:41,423
That's why I had to fake to die.

168
00:16:41,598 --> 00:16:45,227
I could have captured Phantom again,
but for what! They trade him.

169
00:16:46,170 --> 00:16:49,469
I love my country,
but the fighting, it never ends.

170
00:16:50,441 --> 00:16:52,909
It's like Mr. Scrappy, you bite Coco.

171
00:16:53,077 --> 00:16:54,476
Coco, you bite him back.

172
00:16:54,645 --> 00:16:58,809
<i>Soon you are both having worms,
eating your own poopech...</i>

173
00:17:02,853 --> 00:17:04,047
I understand. The pills.

174
00:17:04,221 --> 00:17:06,781
Your parents think
they know what's best for you.

175
00:17:06,957 --> 00:17:08,618
Sleep.

176
00:17:15,899 --> 00:17:18,697
It's all about not getting recognized.

177
00:17:18,869 --> 00:17:20,803
I know how great I looked
in the beard...

178
00:17:20,971 --> 00:17:23,804
but I'll make this work for me,
you'll see.

179
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:41,487
Rise and shine, guys.
Good morning.

180
00:17:42,126 --> 00:17:43,718
Is nice, huh!

181
00:17:43,894 --> 00:17:45,327
It's the Avalon.

182
00:17:45,496 --> 00:17:49,660
It says I care about the way I look,
but I'm still approachable.

183
00:17:51,402 --> 00:17:53,199
Oh, you like this!

184
00:17:53,370 --> 00:17:56,464
Who wants to go next, guys!
Who wants to look silky smooth!

185
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,699
Yes. Yes.

186
00:18:03,013 --> 00:18:06,039
Oh, where are my two little babies!
Oh, come on.

187
00:18:06,216 --> 00:18:09,344
Come on out, Scrappy, come on out.
Come to Mama, Mr. Coco.

188
00:18:10,454 --> 00:18:14,049
Mr. Scrappy. Coco.
What happened!

189
00:18:14,224 --> 00:18:16,249
Who gave you permission
to do this, huh!

190
00:18:16,427 --> 00:18:18,019
Who did! Answer me.

191
00:18:18,195 --> 00:18:20,254
Scrappy, was it you!
It was you, wasn't it!

192
00:18:20,431 --> 00:18:22,160
You're always the instigator.

193
00:18:22,332 --> 00:18:27,201
Bad dog. You are a very bad dog.
Never again are you gonna travel.

194
00:18:34,077 --> 00:18:36,841
Take me to the Paul Mitchell
hair salon.

195
00:18:37,381 --> 00:18:39,781
- First time in New York!
- Yes, my friend.

196
00:18:40,184 --> 00:18:41,708
So, what brings you here!

197
00:18:41,885 --> 00:18:43,352
I have a dream.

198
00:18:44,021 --> 00:18:45,420
I had a dream too.

199
00:18:45,589 --> 00:18:46,920
What dream you have!

200
00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:48,921
My dream was to come to America...

201
00:18:49,092 --> 00:18:52,118
...and make enough money
to send for me brothers and sisters...

202
00:18:52,296 --> 00:18:54,560
...so that we all could enjoy
freedom together.

203
00:18:54,731 --> 00:18:56,756
- This is good dream.
- Oh, yes, it is.

204
00:18:56,934 --> 00:18:59,129
- Is dream come true!
- No, man.

205
00:18:59,303 --> 00:19:01,737
Me brothers and sisters
were hacked to death.

206
00:19:01,905 --> 00:19:05,466
But I love the Chinese food here.
It's incredible.

207
00:20:15,546 --> 00:20:19,107
- Hey, you forgot these.
- Those are for you, my friend.

208
00:20:28,125 --> 00:20:31,788
Good morning for you.
I am here to meet Mr. Paul Mitchell.

209
00:20:31,962 --> 00:20:33,054
And who are you!

210
00:20:34,531 --> 00:20:38,490
Scrappy Coco.
I am here to take a job from him.

211
00:20:38,669 --> 00:20:40,068
He isn't in right now.

212
00:20:40,237 --> 00:20:41,966
That's good. So I will wait, then.

213
00:20:45,509 --> 00:20:48,569
You know what! I'll take
one Fizzy Bubblech, a raspberry.

214
00:20:48,979 --> 00:20:51,948
You know,
he actually doesn't come in too often.

215
00:20:52,115 --> 00:20:54,811
Yes, just tell him I am perfect for this,
so let's go.

216
00:20:54,985 --> 00:20:57,112
- I am the best.
- The best at what!

217
00:20:57,287 --> 00:21:01,189
All of this. The cutting, the styling,
the making it silky smooth.

218
00:21:01,358 --> 00:21:03,019
I wanna know who cuts your hair.

219
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:04,891
Oh, you like this, eh!

220
00:21:05,062 --> 00:21:07,997
This is the Avalon,
straight from the Paul Mitchell book.

221
00:21:08,165 --> 00:21:12,261
I haven't seen that style
since Luke married Laura.

222
00:21:13,070 --> 00:21:15,197
Sister, are you this Laura!

223
00:21:16,673 --> 00:21:22,509
You tell Paul Mitchell,
Scrappy Coco was here to see him.

224
00:21:23,614 --> 00:21:26,708
If I find out he was here...

225
00:21:26,883 --> 00:21:29,716
...or you are keeping him
hidden from me...

226
00:21:29,886 --> 00:21:31,717
...I will destroy you.

227
00:21:31,888 --> 00:21:34,118
Believe me this.

228
00:22:29,644 --> 00:22:32,306
What the hell was this, champ!
I'm not paying for that!

229
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,778
This asshole cut me off,
made me swerve into you!

230
00:22:34,949 --> 00:22:37,782
With all due respect,
I was in the bicycle lane.

231
00:22:37,952 --> 00:22:40,352
You came like a madman.
Be glad nobody was hurt.

232
00:22:40,522 --> 00:22:43,821
I mean, somebody could've died.
I mean, you came...

233
00:22:45,093 --> 00:22:47,584
Okay, real mature, sir. Real mature.

234
00:22:47,762 --> 00:22:50,424
You do not want to be
throwing bicycles.

235
00:22:50,598 --> 00:22:52,930
Look, stay out of my business,
Mustafa.

236
00:22:53,101 --> 00:22:56,264
"Mustafa"! This is not my name.
Who tells you this is my name!

237
00:22:56,438 --> 00:22:58,565
Whatever.
Salami, bologna, apple sauce.

238
00:22:58,740 --> 00:22:59,764
Apple who!

239
00:22:59,941 --> 00:23:02,375
My friend, if I were you,
I would change the tone.

240
00:23:02,544 --> 00:23:03,670
Avoid the pain.

241
00:23:03,845 --> 00:23:07,178
Listen, go back to your goddamned
pretzel stand. We got it...

242
00:23:08,550 --> 00:23:10,814
- Look what I've got. It's right here.
- Please!

243
00:23:10,985 --> 00:23:12,452
- I've got it.
- Please, let me go.

244
00:23:12,620 --> 00:23:16,386
I never work at pretzel stand.
You like to insult people!

245
00:23:17,892 --> 00:23:20,190
Was that your feet!

246
00:23:20,361 --> 00:23:22,124
Yes, it's the feet. The feet uppercut.

247
00:23:23,565 --> 00:23:24,827
Here comes the double foot.

248
00:23:25,700 --> 00:23:27,167
This is good.

249
00:23:27,335 --> 00:23:30,304
Smell it, smell it, smell it.
Now take it.

250
00:23:30,472 --> 00:23:32,531
- That's for you.
- All right, let me go!

251
00:23:32,707 --> 00:23:34,732
You said you wanted pretzel!

252
00:23:37,479 --> 00:23:38,969
Okay, I'm good.

253
00:23:39,147 --> 00:23:40,580
Beautiful.

254
00:23:40,749 --> 00:23:42,216
You want some chickens!

255
00:23:42,383 --> 00:23:44,317
No, no, no. I fix for you.

256
00:23:50,625 --> 00:23:51,922
<i>It's all b'seder.</i>

257
00:23:52,093 --> 00:23:54,186
What are you, bionic!

258
00:23:54,362 --> 00:23:57,195
No, no, no. I only like the girls.

259
00:23:58,366 --> 00:24:00,425
Thanks, anyways.

260
00:24:04,906 --> 00:24:07,500
This is ridiculous traffic.

261
00:24:07,675 --> 00:24:11,042
Anyway, George insisted
we have the party.

262
00:24:11,212 --> 00:24:14,181
- I always get midnight shift.
- Could you keep it down, please!

263
00:24:14,349 --> 00:24:16,681
I no sleep,
I no see World Series Poker.

264
00:24:16,851 --> 00:24:19,012
Are you even watching the road!

265
00:24:19,187 --> 00:24:23,089
Be nice. He could be a terrorist.

266
00:24:23,258 --> 00:24:27,752
- Why Hamdi no get no midnight!
- Could you at least change the station!

267
00:24:33,168 --> 00:24:35,363
- Hey, that was amazing.
- Oh, yes.

268
00:24:35,537 --> 00:24:37,129
Where are you from, anyway!

269
00:24:37,305 --> 00:24:39,466
Where am I from!

270
00:24:39,641 --> 00:24:40,801
Australia.

271
00:24:40,975 --> 00:24:43,034
Really!
Because you sound Middle Eastern.

272
00:24:43,211 --> 00:24:45,008
No, no, no. Similar accents.

273
00:24:45,180 --> 00:24:47,910
- Kangaroo. You see!
- Sure.

274
00:24:49,984 --> 00:24:52,111
This is ridiculous. We're getting out.

275
00:24:52,287 --> 00:24:55,120
- Come on, dear.
- I've been working longer than Hamdi.

276
00:24:57,025 --> 00:24:59,357
- You want me to get you home!
- No, I'll grab a cab.

277
00:24:59,527 --> 00:25:01,461
You've done enough.
That was crazy.

278
00:25:01,629 --> 00:25:03,722
<i>Whose lockzie do I have to schluck?</i>

279
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,698
Oh, you know you're boning me.
I don't know that.

280
00:25:10,171 --> 00:25:11,229
It's you.

281
00:25:13,274 --> 00:25:15,265
- What is happening!
- What's happening!

282
00:25:15,443 --> 00:25:16,774
<i>It's bullshaklaga.</i>

283
00:25:16,945 --> 00:25:18,242
- We have to go.
- Go where!

284
00:25:18,413 --> 00:25:20,176
- I'll run you.
- What are you doing!

285
00:25:20,348 --> 00:25:22,441
This is legal!

286
00:25:26,688 --> 00:25:30,124
Scrappy, have another kneidlach.
Come on.

287
00:25:30,291 --> 00:25:31,758
You're very nice, Mrs. Klayman.

288
00:25:31,926 --> 00:25:35,692
It reminds me of my mother's cooking
in Australia.

289
00:25:35,864 --> 00:25:39,356
Really!
It's funny, you don't sound Australian.

290
00:25:39,534 --> 00:25:42,697
Yes, no, no, no.
This is because I am half Australian...

291
00:25:42,871 --> 00:25:45,362
...half Mount Everest.

292
00:25:45,540 --> 00:25:47,838
So this is what you're hearing.

293
00:25:48,943 --> 00:25:52,071
Well, Australia,
it must be really nice there...

294
00:25:52,247 --> 00:25:54,306
...since they got rid of the apartheid.

295
00:25:54,482 --> 00:25:56,507
Oh, yes, the weather is much cooler.

296
00:25:58,152 --> 00:26:01,383
So, Scrappy,
I understand you cut hair.

297
00:26:02,156 --> 00:26:04,386
I will be working
with Mr. Paul Mitchell...

298
00:26:04,559 --> 00:26:07,027
...as soon as I find out
where they are hiding him.

299
00:26:07,195 --> 00:26:10,028
Oh, Mom, Scrappy
doesn't have a place to stay yet.

300
00:26:10,198 --> 00:26:11,256
- Really!
- Not yet.

301
00:26:11,432 --> 00:26:13,798
Well, actually,
there's a nice one-bedroom...

302
00:26:13,968 --> 00:26:16,368
...that just opened up upstairs.

303
00:26:16,537 --> 00:26:19,131
Nice light, not huge.

304
00:26:19,307 --> 00:26:21,366
And they redid the kitchen very well.

305
00:26:22,210 --> 00:26:24,576
- This could be good.
- Could be good.

306
00:26:26,047 --> 00:26:27,878
Could be good.

307
00:26:37,492 --> 00:26:39,960
Hey, Mom,
do you know where the detergent is!

308
00:26:40,128 --> 00:26:42,289
- That's very good.
- Oh, my God!

309
00:26:42,463 --> 00:26:43,725
What! What's the matter!

310
00:26:43,932 --> 00:26:46,127
What's the matter! That's my mom.

311
00:26:46,301 --> 00:26:48,394
- It's okay, Michael.
- I know it's your mother.

312
00:26:48,569 --> 00:26:49,558
She's very beautiful.

313
00:26:49,737 --> 00:26:51,705
Michael, I haven't made sticky
in two days.

314
00:26:51,873 --> 00:26:54,865
- What do you want from me!
- Couldn't you wait till I was asleep!

315
00:26:55,043 --> 00:26:56,806
- Or dead!
- No, Michael.

316
00:26:56,978 --> 00:26:58,673
You do... What's he doing now!

317
00:26:58,846 --> 00:27:01,314
Why'd that happen!
Why'd that happen!

318
00:27:01,482 --> 00:27:02,972
It's okay. Let me talk to him.

319
00:27:03,151 --> 00:27:04,812
Oh, I can't get up.

320
00:27:04,986 --> 00:27:07,682
No, no. You'll feel your legs again
in two hours.

321
00:27:09,357 --> 00:27:10,654
Michael.

322
00:27:10,825 --> 00:27:13,658
Come on, this is nothing
to feel bad about.

323
00:27:13,828 --> 00:27:15,921
Me sexing your mother.

324
00:27:16,097 --> 00:27:19,066
It's beautiful. It's natural.

325
00:27:19,233 --> 00:27:22,168
No, I didn't bring you home
to do it with my mother.

326
00:27:22,337 --> 00:27:25,067
Why not, huh!
You don't want her to be happy!

327
00:27:25,239 --> 00:27:27,639
Did you see her! Did you look at her!

328
00:27:27,809 --> 00:27:30,141
I don't think
I can ever look at her again.

329
00:27:30,311 --> 00:27:33,974
Michael, her face
during the big bang-boom!

330
00:27:34,148 --> 00:27:35,308
You did not see!

331
00:27:35,483 --> 00:27:37,110
She was glowing.

332
00:27:37,285 --> 00:27:39,344
Patches. What are you...!

333
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:40,953
Michael, come on.

334
00:27:41,122 --> 00:27:43,113
They'll be plenty of time
for you and me.

335
00:27:43,291 --> 00:27:45,623
Tonight, I take you to disco, huh!
How's this!

336
00:27:45,793 --> 00:27:47,784
No, why would I wanna go
to a disco tonight!

337
00:27:48,863 --> 00:27:51,024
Michael, you should go. It'd be fun!

338
00:27:51,199 --> 00:27:53,030
You could use a little stank.

339
00:27:53,201 --> 00:27:56,261
<i>Yes, you need your penachim
to take a swim.</i>

340
00:27:56,437 --> 00:27:59,133
Yeah, a little chicken of the sea.
It wouldn't hurt.

341
00:27:59,307 --> 00:28:02,572
Disco, disco.
Let's do this, Michael. Yes or no!

342
00:28:02,744 --> 00:28:04,041
Come on, you get to disco.

343
00:28:04,212 --> 00:28:06,544
- All right, fine, I'll go to the disco.
- Okay.

344
00:28:06,714 --> 00:28:09,410
I do your mother one more time,
and then we go.

345
00:28:09,584 --> 00:28:11,518
- Wha...!
- Seconds already!

346
00:28:11,686 --> 00:28:13,381
Oh, yes.

347
00:28:18,826 --> 00:28:21,522
Hey. Look at this.

348
00:28:21,696 --> 00:28:24,893
This is what you need, man,
to let off a little steam, huh!

349
00:28:25,066 --> 00:28:28,763
How many times a day do you
make sticky! Two! Five! Twelve!

350
00:28:28,936 --> 00:28:32,167
How many times a day!
I've had sex once in my life.

351
00:28:32,340 --> 00:28:35,036
It was at tennis camp.
It was awful.

352
00:28:35,209 --> 00:28:38,474
You're too picky, Michael.
Maybe that's the problem.

353
00:28:38,646 --> 00:28:41,774
Every weed in the desert
is still a flower.

354
00:28:42,283 --> 00:28:45,081
Look at this. This a big one, eh!

355
00:28:45,253 --> 00:28:49,656
But look at the tits.
These will bounce nice for you.

356
00:28:49,824 --> 00:28:53,260
<i>Your mother, she has huge poopeh.</i>

357
00:28:53,428 --> 00:28:55,988
I mean, very wide.

358
00:28:56,164 --> 00:29:01,727
But what I see are two big, strong legs
wrapped around my head, squeezing.

359
00:29:01,903 --> 00:29:03,598
<i>So who wants to get some
poontachen?</i>

360
00:29:05,540 --> 00:29:09,203
<i>- I wanna get some poontachen?
- Well, let's get some. Yes.</i>

361
00:29:13,781 --> 00:29:15,715
It's good for you. Nice spinning.

362
00:29:18,519 --> 00:29:21,283
This is what I'm talking about.
You play this.

363
00:29:21,456 --> 00:29:23,447
- I ain't playing this corny shit.
- No, no.

364
00:29:23,624 --> 00:29:25,785
I need to set the
mood for my friend.

365
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,053
Get out,
you Daisy Duke-wearing motherf...

366
00:29:38,606 --> 00:29:40,597
- Disco, disco.
- Good, good!

367
00:29:40,775 --> 00:29:42,470
- Disco, disco.
- Good, good!

368
00:29:55,990 --> 00:29:57,480
Yes, hello. Hello.

369
00:29:57,658 --> 00:30:00,559
Hey, Zohan.

370
00:30:00,728 --> 00:30:02,252
Who you looking for!

371
00:30:02,430 --> 00:30:05,228
It's okay, no one can hear me
in disco, Zohan.

372
00:30:05,399 --> 00:30:07,594
<i>Can you believe the poontachat
in this place!</i>

373
00:30:07,768 --> 00:30:11,329
I'm not Zohan.
My name is Scrappy Coco, my friend.

374
00:30:11,506 --> 00:30:14,475
What!
Of course you are Zohan Dvir.

375
00:30:14,642 --> 00:30:18,043
They all think you dead in Israel.
I'm not going to tell.

376
00:30:18,212 --> 00:30:20,908
Tell what!
I don't know what you're talking about.

377
00:30:21,082 --> 00:30:24,882
Zohan, it's okay.
Don't worry, I'm a huge fan.

378
00:30:25,052 --> 00:30:28,385
The way you took out
Abdullah Meda in '94.

379
00:30:28,556 --> 00:30:33,289
And when you made Melami Benazir
eat his own shit in '97.

380
00:30:33,461 --> 00:30:35,861
I can't believe I'm meeting you, man.

381
00:30:36,030 --> 00:30:38,055
<i>So, what the fachma
are you doing here!</i>

382
00:30:38,232 --> 00:30:39,631
Come with me.

383
00:30:40,668 --> 00:30:42,795
Look, I couldn't take
all the fighting anymore.

384
00:30:42,970 --> 00:30:45,370
- What's it all for!
- Are you crazy!

385
00:30:45,540 --> 00:30:47,974
If I could blow a terrorist
inside out like you...

386
00:30:48,142 --> 00:30:50,337
...this is all I would do.
I'd never sleep.

387
00:30:50,511 --> 00:30:53,207
- This is exaggeration.
- No, it's not.

388
00:30:53,381 --> 00:30:57,647
You made Palami Habdallah's poodle
sit on a live grenade.

389
00:30:57,818 --> 00:31:01,049
- You gotta show me how you did that.
- I don't remember. I was young.

390
00:31:01,222 --> 00:31:03,884
So tell me the truth.
Why are you in America!

391
00:31:05,092 --> 00:31:06,116
I no want to tell you.

392
00:31:06,594 --> 00:31:08,459
What! What! Come on.

393
00:31:08,629 --> 00:31:13,396
You are the best, Zohan.
Whatever you say is good.

394
00:31:16,871 --> 00:31:19,738
I want to be hairdresser.

395
00:31:20,608 --> 00:31:22,337
<i>You a fagala?</i>

396
00:31:22,510 --> 00:31:24,000
I can't believe it.

397
00:31:24,178 --> 00:31:27,909
<i>A great warrior, but also a fagala
with the penachim.</i>

398
00:31:28,082 --> 00:31:31,051
No, no, no. I like hair.

399
00:31:31,219 --> 00:31:33,813
Come on, man, I get you real job.

400
00:31:33,988 --> 00:31:36,718
You come by my shop tomorrow.

401
00:31:36,891 --> 00:31:39,086
Israeli electronics. Are you crazy!

402
00:31:39,260 --> 00:31:42,991
- Everyone will recognize me.
- No, you don't look like same Zohan.

403
00:31:43,164 --> 00:31:44,461
You have silly haircut now.

404
00:31:44,632 --> 00:31:46,896
- I have what haircut!
- What!

405
00:31:47,068 --> 00:31:49,298
- You say I look silly!
- No, no. Who said this!

406
00:31:49,470 --> 00:31:51,631
- You said this.
- No, no. Nobody say nothing.

407
00:31:53,374 --> 00:31:54,398
I don't need your job.

408
00:31:54,575 --> 00:31:58,807
I get my own job on my own
at a big salon. You will see.

409
00:32:01,082 --> 00:32:03,016
You ever cut a sister's hair before!

410
00:32:03,184 --> 00:32:07,086
Yes. Sister, brother, grandma,
grandpa, the whole family.

411
00:32:07,255 --> 00:32:08,449
I'm good at this.

412
00:32:08,623 --> 00:32:10,682
Have you ever worked
with dreads before!

413
00:32:14,996 --> 00:32:16,054
This is what you do.

414
00:32:16,230 --> 00:32:18,494
No more. This creature slayed.

415
00:32:18,666 --> 00:32:22,625
It's not a problem. Okay, he's got me.
He's got me. He's got me. Okay.

416
00:32:23,304 --> 00:32:25,829
Okay. So we blind him in the eyes.
We got you.

417
00:32:26,007 --> 00:32:28,032
And we finish him.

418
00:32:28,209 --> 00:32:32,145
You back away, I take hold of him.
Go! Go! Go out! Go now!

419
00:32:32,313 --> 00:32:33,871
Go!

420
00:32:35,883 --> 00:32:39,341
This is hair. This is hair.

421
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,648
Oh, okay. The joke's on me, eh!

422
00:32:44,492 --> 00:32:48,053
A big part of our job here
is making this a fun experience.

423
00:32:48,229 --> 00:32:49,457
Of course, of course.

424
00:32:49,630 --> 00:32:53,361
For a lot of kids, this is their first cut,
and it can be very frightening.

425
00:32:53,534 --> 00:32:56,697
- I can imagine.
- I don't want a haircut.

426
00:32:56,871 --> 00:32:58,463
Get away from me.

427
00:32:58,639 --> 00:33:00,869
Let me go.

428
00:33:01,042 --> 00:33:04,409
Young man, look what I found here.

429
00:33:04,578 --> 00:33:06,671
A nice balloon.

430
00:33:06,847 --> 00:33:09,077
Do you want it! It's right here.

431
00:33:09,850 --> 00:33:11,442
You shouldn't jump around...

432
00:33:11,619 --> 00:33:14,315
...when this nice woman's
holding a sharp pair of scissors.

433
00:33:14,822 --> 00:33:18,883
If you move, she could slip and
slice your jugular vein on accident.

434
00:33:19,393 --> 00:33:21,657
There's no way to stitch the jugular.

435
00:33:21,829 --> 00:33:24,821
All of your blood will be on the floor
in four minutes.

436
00:33:25,266 --> 00:33:28,861
I've seen this. I've done this.
You don't want this.

437
00:33:39,914 --> 00:33:43,873
Well, then, at least it's a good time to
shave his neck. I would get him quick.

438
00:33:47,888 --> 00:33:50,652
When I was your age
I already killed seven men.

439
00:33:50,825 --> 00:33:53,293
Maybe you should grow up.

440
00:34:20,020 --> 00:34:22,784
I promise you you won't regret.

441
00:34:22,957 --> 00:34:25,187
And come back.

442
00:34:25,359 --> 00:34:28,419
"Fujigawa"! I don't know that brand.
It really isn't...

443
00:34:28,596 --> 00:34:31,224
It's not really Fujigawa.
It's Sony guts.

444
00:34:31,399 --> 00:34:35,335
- Wouldn't it be better with the Sony...
- Oh, no, no, no. This is what you want.

445
00:34:35,503 --> 00:34:38,597
- Four-hundred fifty.
- But the ad says "Sony," and "300."

446
00:34:38,773 --> 00:34:42,971
No, no, no. What you going to believe,
me or the ad! Four-fifty.

447
00:34:44,412 --> 00:34:47,313
Hello, Going Out of Business.
Can I help you!

448
00:34:47,481 --> 00:34:49,608
Sony, yes. Three hundred.

449
00:34:49,784 --> 00:34:51,752
Come in, yes. Very good, very good.

450
00:34:54,622 --> 00:34:57,056
Hi. I represent the new owner
of this building.

451
00:34:57,224 --> 00:34:59,818
Good for you. Want a birthday cake!
What do you want!

452
00:34:59,994 --> 00:35:01,154
Yamaha is very good.

453
00:35:01,328 --> 00:35:03,489
Did you receive our letter
regarding your rent!

454
00:35:03,664 --> 00:35:06,599
- This I don't know.
- It's being raised to 20,000 a month.

455
00:35:06,767 --> 00:35:08,098
No, no, no. This is too much.

456
00:35:08,269 --> 00:35:10,294
Eighty-five hundred
is all we'll give you.

457
00:35:10,471 --> 00:35:13,531
- This isn't negotiable. We can get...
- Ten thousand, that's all.

458
00:35:13,707 --> 00:35:14,867
We both go home happy.

459
00:35:15,042 --> 00:35:17,738
- I'm sorry. We can't settle for less.
- Okay, no deal.

460
00:35:17,912 --> 00:35:19,709
You come back when you
want to deal.

461
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:21,472
- Sir, you don't understand.
- Go.

462
00:35:21,649 --> 00:35:25,050
What you still here for! You like me!
I have girlfriend. Go.

463
00:35:25,219 --> 00:35:27,346
Thank you very much.

464
00:35:30,591 --> 00:35:34,049
Hey, look who's here.

465
00:35:34,228 --> 00:35:35,490
Come on, not so loud.

466
00:35:35,663 --> 00:35:39,190
Don't worry, Zohan.
I tell you, they don't recognize you.

467
00:35:39,366 --> 00:35:43,268
Yosi. This is good man.
This Chocolat Coco.

468
00:35:43,437 --> 00:35:46,133
- Scrappy Coco.
- Scrappy Coco.

469
00:35:46,307 --> 00:35:47,399
Cooking Who-co!

470
00:35:48,275 --> 00:35:49,537
Yes, yes.

471
00:35:49,710 --> 00:35:51,234
So you're going out of business!

472
00:35:51,412 --> 00:35:54,575
No, no, no, no. Is just a sign.
Is good for business.

473
00:35:55,182 --> 00:35:59,312
Yeah, so you look me up, man.
That's cool.

474
00:35:59,487 --> 00:36:01,853
I come for job.

475
00:36:03,157 --> 00:36:06,422
Job. So you not big hairstyle!

476
00:36:07,995 --> 00:36:13,524
It's not really happening for me
so far.

477
00:36:13,701 --> 00:36:16,534
So I am here. So let's go.

478
00:36:19,173 --> 00:36:21,437
No. No job.

479
00:36:21,609 --> 00:36:23,702
What do you mean!
You tell me to come here.

480
00:36:23,878 --> 00:36:27,211
I can no let you do this.
You want to be hair homo.

481
00:36:27,381 --> 00:36:30,111
<i>No, so I do this for now.
It's all yofi tofi.</i>

482
00:36:30,284 --> 00:36:32,275
Is no now.

483
00:36:32,887 --> 00:36:38,621
Once you start in electronics store,
you never get out.

484
00:36:40,261 --> 00:36:42,422
Look at Ephraim. You see!

485
00:36:42,596 --> 00:36:44,860
I don't see nothing wrong with that.
It's perfect.

486
00:36:45,032 --> 00:36:47,193
Ephraim came to America...

487
00:36:47,735 --> 00:36:51,136
...to be racing car driver.

488
00:36:51,972 --> 00:36:53,872
But he let slip away.

489
00:36:54,041 --> 00:36:57,033
I can hear it. Look. Check your ear.

490
00:36:57,211 --> 00:37:02,376
Pinchas wanted to be
the next Bill Cosby.

491
00:37:02,550 --> 00:37:05,917
No. Is resistant, no proof.
You don't understand!

492
00:37:06,620 --> 00:37:10,556
But the store kept pulling him back.

493
00:37:10,724 --> 00:37:12,316
Maybe you swimming with the watch.

494
00:37:12,493 --> 00:37:14,051
- I'm not swimming...
- Is resistant.

495
00:37:15,629 --> 00:37:20,396
Yosi wanted to be a hand model.

496
00:37:20,568 --> 00:37:23,503
What, you don't like this! Look at this.
This is most beautiful.

497
00:37:23,671 --> 00:37:25,298
But he got too comfortable here.

498
00:37:25,472 --> 00:37:28,498
Press this button, it's free HBO.

499
00:37:29,043 --> 00:37:33,878
The electronics store
is a dream killer.

500
00:37:34,982 --> 00:37:39,646
And I won't let the Zohan
kill his dream.

501
00:37:42,089 --> 00:37:46,025
<i>You are a real mensch, Oori.</i>

502
00:37:46,193 --> 00:37:49,560
<i>You the mensch.</i>

503
00:37:49,730 --> 00:37:50,788
Come.

504
00:37:50,965 --> 00:37:52,023
What! What's this!

505
00:37:52,199 --> 00:37:55,965
You may not go for this,
but this place cross the street...

506
00:37:56,136 --> 00:37:58,161
- Yes!
- They maybe take you.

507
00:37:58,772 --> 00:38:02,173
- Is good place!
- No, is dump, but they take you.

508
00:38:02,343 --> 00:38:04,470
Is on Palestinian side of street.

509
00:38:04,645 --> 00:38:05,942
Palestinian!

510
00:38:06,113 --> 00:38:09,446
No, no, no.
Look, nobody kill you there.

511
00:38:09,617 --> 00:38:10,879
Here nobody care.

512
00:38:11,051 --> 00:38:13,110
First off, no one kill me anywhere.

513
00:38:13,821 --> 00:38:16,085
But Palestinian, no.

514
00:38:16,256 --> 00:38:18,349
I've done enough
to my parents already.

515
00:38:18,525 --> 00:38:20,823
I just want job for the Zohan.

516
00:38:20,995 --> 00:38:22,986
And it kills me
the way Phantom bastard...

517
00:38:23,163 --> 00:38:26,030
<i>...getting his buttochim kissed
in Palestine now.</i>

518
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,532
<i>Buttochim kissed! What's this!</i>

519
00:38:28,969 --> 00:38:30,231
He have business.

520
00:38:30,404 --> 00:38:32,304
He buy wives.

521
00:38:33,607 --> 00:38:34,972
Him!

522
00:38:35,142 --> 00:38:38,578
They say his ugly face everywhere.

523
00:38:39,146 --> 00:38:42,206
<i>Everyone is running
To Phantom's Chewy Muchentuchen</i>

524
00:38:42,349 --> 00:38:45,750
<i>For the food the heroes eat</i>

525
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:49,180
<i>Kubeh, sambouesk,
Delicious muchentuchen</i>

526
00:38:49,356 --> 00:38:51,449
<i>You never know who you'll meet</i>

527
00:38:51,625 --> 00:38:55,425
<i>You are going to get spoiled.</i>

528
00:39:01,535 --> 00:39:04,095
<i>Phantom Muchentuchen!</i>

529
00:39:04,271 --> 00:39:05,795
<i>Oh, yeah!</i>

530
00:39:05,973 --> 00:39:08,066
<i>This month,
order Muchentuchen Happy Lunch...</i>

531
00:39:08,242 --> 00:39:11,370
<i>... and get action figures from
Phantom Presents: Death to Zohan.</i>

532
00:39:15,015 --> 00:39:16,846
Unbelievable.

533
00:39:17,017 --> 00:39:22,045
This animal gets to live his dream.
But, me, l...

534
00:39:22,589 --> 00:39:26,753
I can no work Palestinian, no.
It's like... I can't do this.

535
00:39:26,927 --> 00:39:28,292
Yes, you can.

536
00:39:28,462 --> 00:39:32,398
Is your dream to cut hair.
You want fight, or you want hair!

537
00:39:32,566 --> 00:39:35,797
I want hair. But I'm scared.

538
00:39:35,969 --> 00:39:38,767
Is America.
You can do anything here.

539
00:39:38,939 --> 00:39:42,534
You never done something
people thought was impossible!

540
00:39:45,012 --> 00:39:47,947
So you don't want to talk, huh!
I'll make you talk.

541
00:40:07,735 --> 00:40:08,827
I can do this.

542
00:40:20,948 --> 00:40:22,438
<i>Disco, disco, good, good.</i>

543
00:40:22,616 --> 00:40:24,311
<i>Disco, disco, good, good.</i>

544
00:40:24,485 --> 00:40:26,214
<i>Disco, disco, good, good.</i>

545
00:40:26,386 --> 00:40:27,853
<i>Disco, disco, good, good.</i>

546
00:40:28,021 --> 00:40:29,784
<i>Disco, disco, good, good.</i>

547
00:40:31,658 --> 00:40:34,456
So you have never cut hair before.

548
00:40:34,628 --> 00:40:37,495
I have cut my own hair
and several dogs.

549
00:40:38,165 --> 00:40:42,261
I have the Paul Mitchell book,
I have the stamina, the desire...

550
00:40:42,436 --> 00:40:44,802
But you have no training
or experience.

551
00:40:44,972 --> 00:40:49,033
Would you hire someone
with experience in something else!

552
00:40:49,510 --> 00:40:50,534
In what!

553
00:40:50,911 --> 00:40:53,141
Can anyone here do this!

554
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,483
Okay. I have never seen that.

555
00:41:03,657 --> 00:41:06,455
That is very nice,
but that is not going to help me.

556
00:41:06,627 --> 00:41:09,095
No hands.

557
00:41:09,263 --> 00:41:10,787
Besides, I have no openings.

558
00:41:10,964 --> 00:41:12,693
If anything, I need to scale back...

559
00:41:12,866 --> 00:41:15,357
...since they just raised my rent
through the roof.

560
00:41:15,536 --> 00:41:20,098
Out of nowhere, some guy with a tie
comes in and tells me I need to pay.

561
00:41:20,274 --> 00:41:21,468
Stop it!

562
00:41:22,876 --> 00:41:25,743
I only wish to learn.

563
00:41:25,913 --> 00:41:28,245
I will do whatever it takes.

564
00:41:31,084 --> 00:41:34,645
Fine. You can sweep up hair
a few shifts a week.

565
00:41:34,822 --> 00:41:36,813
- You won't be...
- No pay.

566
00:41:36,990 --> 00:41:40,153
No, no, no.
But then, I will become stylist, yes!

567
00:41:40,761 --> 00:41:41,955
That could be a while.

568
00:41:42,129 --> 00:41:44,529
I will wait turn. You will see.

569
00:41:44,698 --> 00:41:47,929
I will get nighttime job for money.

570
00:41:48,101 --> 00:41:50,729
Soon the whole world
will be silky smooth.

571
00:42:01,048 --> 00:42:02,072
Zohan.

572
00:42:02,249 --> 00:42:04,843
- Carmen Electra has the best tits now.
- Oh, please.

573
00:42:05,018 --> 00:42:08,044
Oh, my God.
I wonder how much she paid for them.

574
00:42:09,356 --> 00:42:11,586
They're so perky.

575
00:42:11,758 --> 00:42:14,727
You know, leave it to her
to buy the best tits.

576
00:42:14,895 --> 00:42:17,329
It's always first class with that one.

577
00:42:17,497 --> 00:42:20,660
You know you don't have to catch
every piece of hair as it falls.

578
00:42:20,834 --> 00:42:25,203
Yes, I do. You deserve a perfect floor.
One single hair is unacceptable.

579
00:42:25,372 --> 00:42:26,396
As you were.

580
00:42:40,187 --> 00:42:41,950
Yes. I got this.

581
00:42:43,323 --> 00:42:45,689
"Did you see
the new Kate Hudson movie!

582
00:42:45,859 --> 00:42:48,919
I think she is even more vivacious
than her mother."

583
00:42:49,096 --> 00:42:53,260
Scrappeleh, that's wonderful.
Now, let's practice on Michael.

584
00:42:53,433 --> 00:42:56,561
Michael!
Could you come in here, please!

585
00:42:57,337 --> 00:42:58,634
What! What is...!

586
00:42:58,805 --> 00:43:01,740
Oh, Scrappy needs to practice
small-talking.

587
00:43:01,909 --> 00:43:05,276
Can we do this another time! I have
a shot at keeping my food down.

588
00:43:05,445 --> 00:43:07,003
Michael, I want to practice now.

589
00:43:07,180 --> 00:43:10,115
I'm afraid I'm terrible at this.
Why won't you help me!

590
00:43:10,284 --> 00:43:15,278
Oh, honey.
You are good at everything you do.

591
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,375
- Got it.
- Thanks.

592
00:43:41,548 --> 00:43:43,743
So you're making her silky smooth,
huh, Claude!

593
00:43:43,917 --> 00:43:47,148
- Framing her face!
- Yeah, Scrappy. I'm framing her face.

594
00:43:47,321 --> 00:43:48,481
This is smart.

595
00:43:48,655 --> 00:43:52,250
A nice layered style
with the soft bangs...

596
00:43:52,426 --> 00:43:54,519
...is good for a bigger woman
like this.

597
00:43:54,695 --> 00:43:56,890
- Coco.
- Takes the eyes off the moon face...

598
00:43:57,064 --> 00:43:58,827
<i>...and brings it toward the titzim.</i>

599
00:43:58,999 --> 00:44:00,830
Coco.

600
00:44:01,001 --> 00:44:02,195
I need to speak to you.

601
00:44:03,704 --> 00:44:04,966
In private.

602
00:44:06,106 --> 00:44:08,631
Private. A secret!

603
00:44:08,809 --> 00:44:11,209
They will never get it out of me,
I promise you.

604
00:44:11,378 --> 00:44:14,575
Coco, Claude is trying to work.

605
00:44:14,748 --> 00:44:16,375
Yes. He's very good.

606
00:44:16,550 --> 00:44:19,417
So I am ready to cut hair today.
So let's go, let's get it on.

607
00:44:19,586 --> 00:44:21,486
No. Let's not go.

608
00:44:21,655 --> 00:44:22,679
But I am the best.

609
00:44:22,856 --> 00:44:24,824
Don't tell me you're the best.

610
00:44:24,992 --> 00:44:27,756
- I have the desire, the stamina.
- You've been here two days.

611
00:44:27,928 --> 00:44:29,657
I run this place for five years.

612
00:44:29,830 --> 00:44:32,594
I think I know when you are ready
to cut hair.

613
00:44:32,766 --> 00:44:35,428
Okay, Jeez! Get a room, you two.

614
00:44:35,602 --> 00:44:37,627
No, no, no.

615
00:44:37,804 --> 00:44:40,739
<i>I do not touch this
with your penachim.</i>

616
00:44:42,175 --> 00:44:43,870
Out of respect for the working.

617
00:44:44,211 --> 00:44:47,305
No, you don't eat where you shit.

618
00:44:47,481 --> 00:44:50,939
Or shit where you eat.
Whatever the...

619
00:44:51,118 --> 00:44:52,779
The smell is bad.

620
00:44:55,822 --> 00:44:57,084
This is called a comb.

621
00:44:59,092 --> 00:45:02,061
- With the fingers!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

622
00:45:03,597 --> 00:45:06,998
- Scrappy.
- I'm sorry. Here, I take your leg up.

623
00:45:07,167 --> 00:45:08,862
I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry.

624
00:45:09,036 --> 00:45:11,095
- Okay. All right.
- I apologize.

625
00:45:11,271 --> 00:45:13,705
- Take him where he wants to go.
- Thank you. Okay.

626
00:45:13,874 --> 00:45:15,398
- Good luck.
- It will be fine.

627
00:45:15,575 --> 00:45:19,102
- Your limousine has arrived, sir.
- You're observant, Tyler.

628
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:21,677
Thank you, Big Mac.

629
00:45:21,848 --> 00:45:25,750
I am really late for a hotel opening
downtown. The Walbridge Hotel.

630
00:45:25,919 --> 00:45:29,082
I understand, sir. I know the
neighborhoods inside and backwards.

631
00:45:29,256 --> 00:45:31,588
- We will not let them stop us.
- What!

632
00:45:37,130 --> 00:45:38,495
I'm not in much of a hurry.

633
00:45:42,102 --> 00:45:44,229
Oh, no.

634
00:45:47,507 --> 00:45:48,997
You want some coffee back there!

635
00:45:49,176 --> 00:45:50,575
No!

636
00:45:51,078 --> 00:45:52,272
I will lose them.

637
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:56,240
Nobody is following us.

638
00:46:01,988 --> 00:46:03,751
Oh, shit!

639
00:46:17,137 --> 00:46:19,002
Have a good time, sir.

640
00:46:23,043 --> 00:46:26,035
Debbie, you did a good job.

641
00:46:26,213 --> 00:46:29,580
You look very bangable,
Mrs. Rosen.

642
00:46:30,417 --> 00:46:32,851
Mrs. Paulson, I must tell you...

643
00:46:33,019 --> 00:46:37,046
...when you first came in,
you looked hideous.

644
00:46:37,224 --> 00:46:38,555
There was nothing attractive.

645
00:46:38,725 --> 00:46:43,753
<i>But now, I must say,
my schtitzel, it's about to burst.</i>

646
00:46:43,930 --> 00:46:46,626
- It could break these any...
- What are you doing!

647
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,564
We are talking shop.

648
00:46:49,736 --> 00:46:51,829
No. No.

649
00:46:52,572 --> 00:46:54,335
- Look, Coco...
- What!

650
00:46:54,508 --> 00:46:56,408
You need to calm down now, okay!

651
00:46:56,576 --> 00:46:59,374
I don't think these customers
like the way you talk shop.

652
00:46:59,546 --> 00:47:00,672
Nobody say this.

653
00:47:00,847 --> 00:47:06,149
Coco, remember,
respect for the workplace.

654
00:47:07,954 --> 00:47:09,888
I have betrayed my salon.

655
00:47:14,194 --> 00:47:15,491
He's trying to kill himself.

656
00:47:15,662 --> 00:47:16,993
- Scrappy.
- I deserve this.

657
00:47:17,164 --> 00:47:20,361
No, no. Just... Just...

658
00:47:20,934 --> 00:47:23,266
Easy on the ladies.

659
00:47:23,870 --> 00:47:26,031
I didn't mind.

660
00:47:31,178 --> 00:47:33,043
Take care, Mrs. Paulson.

661
00:47:34,014 --> 00:47:36,039
She did not mind.

662
00:47:38,952 --> 00:47:42,080
Let me disinfect the scissors...

663
00:47:42,822 --> 00:47:47,521
...so someone else
can make someone else silky smooth.

664
00:47:48,562 --> 00:47:50,393
I'll just clean up.

665
00:47:55,468 --> 00:47:57,527
Rafaela's Salon.

666
00:47:57,704 --> 00:47:59,638
What! No.

667
00:48:02,709 --> 00:48:03,937
Debbie, she quit.

668
00:48:04,711 --> 00:48:06,474
- What!
- Sorry.

669
00:48:06,947 --> 00:48:09,108
Claude, did you know about this!

670
00:48:09,282 --> 00:48:10,544
I should have told you.

671
00:48:10,717 --> 00:48:14,084
She's been looking for a new job
since those rent guys came around.

672
00:48:14,254 --> 00:48:16,620
Then why you no say nothing,
little bitch!

673
00:48:18,525 --> 00:48:21,961
Don't worry,
I'm not giving up on this place.

674
00:48:22,128 --> 00:48:25,393
<i>You're a good guy, habibi.
I just... I don't know what to do.</i>

675
00:48:30,537 --> 00:48:32,061
So let's go.

676
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:35,265
Scrappy, I have enough problems
right now.

677
00:48:38,478 --> 00:48:40,844
I not the problem. I the solution. I fix.

678
00:48:41,014 --> 00:48:43,175
But if you screw up...

679
00:48:43,350 --> 00:48:45,750
I can't afford a screwup right now.

680
00:48:45,919 --> 00:48:49,047
No, no, no. I no screw up.
I am the best for the job.

681
00:48:49,222 --> 00:48:51,986
Yeah, but you push and push.
"When is my turn"!

682
00:48:52,158 --> 00:48:53,750
I have to care about salon.

683
00:48:53,927 --> 00:48:55,258
- No, no, no.
- No, no, no.

684
00:48:55,428 --> 00:49:00,024
You care about you. And don't fight
in front of the customer.

685
00:49:02,769 --> 00:49:07,399
Mrs. Skitzer,
I am afraid our stylist is out today.

686
00:49:07,574 --> 00:49:10,702
Would you care to wait for Claude!

687
00:49:12,112 --> 00:49:13,170
Does he do hair!

688
00:49:16,016 --> 00:49:19,315
He's not a regular.

689
00:49:19,486 --> 00:49:20,783
Well, that's fine.

690
00:49:23,156 --> 00:49:28,458
She say...
I mean, only if it's okay with Dalia.

691
00:49:30,797 --> 00:49:32,059
Okay.

692
00:49:32,899 --> 00:49:38,030
You will not regret this decision.

693
00:49:41,541 --> 00:49:44,237
Mrs. Skitzer, let's cut your hair.

694
00:49:44,811 --> 00:49:48,406
Just lay back, Mrs. Skitzer.
I'll take care of everything.

695
00:49:48,882 --> 00:49:51,248
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.

696
00:49:51,418 --> 00:49:54,216
Sexy woman like you
deserves to be pampered.

697
00:49:54,387 --> 00:49:56,412
Me, sexy! Sure.

698
00:49:56,589 --> 00:49:57,613
Don't be humble.

699
00:49:57,791 --> 00:50:02,751
You've got the ass and tits
of a schoolgirl and you know it.

700
00:50:02,929 --> 00:50:06,126
And everyone else knows this too,
believe me.

701
00:50:06,299 --> 00:50:07,857
Yes.

702
00:50:08,034 --> 00:50:09,934
Let me get your earring off.

703
00:51:59,379 --> 00:52:00,641
I love it.

704
00:52:00,814 --> 00:52:04,682
Of course you do.
I make you silky smooth. I tell you this.

705
00:52:05,251 --> 00:52:09,119
All right, Scrappy.
You can cut Debbie's clients today.

706
00:52:09,289 --> 00:52:11,883
If they want you.

707
00:52:16,563 --> 00:52:17,587
Thank you.

708
00:52:17,764 --> 00:52:21,325
I'll get to you all soon as I'm
all the way done with Mrs. Skitzer.

709
00:52:22,635 --> 00:52:24,125
That all you got, Mrs. Skitzer!

710
00:52:24,304 --> 00:52:28,468
Come on, baby. Go, baby. Yes. Yes.

711
00:52:47,861 --> 00:52:49,055
So who's next!

712
00:53:24,097 --> 00:53:26,588
Come on, Scrappy!

713
00:53:28,368 --> 00:53:30,802
Thank you, dear.

714
00:53:31,304 --> 00:53:35,331
- It's a lot of speakers.
- Yes. Yes.

715
00:53:39,012 --> 00:53:40,946
It's orgasmic.

716
00:53:41,114 --> 00:53:42,809
<i>Oh, my God.</i>

717
00:53:44,017 --> 00:53:45,985
Oh, yes!

718
00:54:00,433 --> 00:54:03,163
Grab it, Scrappy!

719
00:54:11,044 --> 00:54:13,638
For you. Yes.

720
00:54:18,851 --> 00:54:21,183
I give this to you.

721
00:54:29,028 --> 00:54:32,520
- No. I am sorry, Mr. Paul Mitchell.
- Hear me out, Scrappy, please.

722
00:54:32,699 --> 00:54:36,430
I'll give you stock options.
I'll name a shampoo after you.

723
00:54:36,603 --> 00:54:41,097
No, my loyalty is to here.
I will destroy you.

724
00:54:44,377 --> 00:54:47,642
I heard about this place
from Joanne.

725
00:54:47,814 --> 00:54:50,146
You have to ask for Scrappy.

726
00:54:50,316 --> 00:54:53,308
Yes, is the primary
cardholder present!

727
00:54:53,486 --> 00:54:54,510
Excuse me!

728
00:54:54,687 --> 00:54:57,417
Hello, I am calling
from Spiegel catalogue.

729
00:54:57,590 --> 00:55:00,024
Are you between the ages
of 18 and 39!

730
00:55:00,193 --> 00:55:01,990
We're trying to talk here.

731
00:55:02,161 --> 00:55:04,527
Have you ordered from catalogue
in past six months!

732
00:55:04,697 --> 00:55:06,688
Could you get off the phone
while you drive!

733
00:55:06,866 --> 00:55:09,664
Hey, what's the matter!
I trying to make a living, do my job.

734
00:55:09,836 --> 00:55:10,894
This is your job.

735
00:55:11,070 --> 00:55:12,162
This is job also.

736
00:55:12,338 --> 00:55:13,362
This is not Iraq.

737
00:55:13,539 --> 00:55:15,769
I am Palestine, I'm not Iraq.

738
00:55:15,942 --> 00:55:17,273
And you're not getting a tip.

739
00:55:17,443 --> 00:55:19,172
And you are a stupid cow.

740
00:55:19,345 --> 00:55:20,369
Jeez.

741
00:55:20,546 --> 00:55:23,106
- And we're done. Okay, you, skedaddle.
- Thanks so much.

742
00:55:23,282 --> 00:55:25,682
- I'll see you later.
- All right.

743
00:55:26,285 --> 00:55:28,219
I like this, the red hair.

744
00:55:28,388 --> 00:55:31,653
I bet she has a pumpkin patch
down below, yes!

745
00:55:31,824 --> 00:55:32,882
I don't know.

746
00:55:33,059 --> 00:55:35,653
<i>- Did you tap her tuchus?
- No.</i>

747
00:55:35,828 --> 00:55:38,854
<i>Why don't you go after
the snatchacheem in this place!</i>

748
00:55:39,032 --> 00:55:41,125
They all want you, believe me.

749
00:55:41,300 --> 00:55:43,268
Scrappy, I wouldn't be so sure.

750
00:55:43,436 --> 00:55:45,768
I'm telling you,
you're not picking up the signs.

751
00:55:46,439 --> 00:55:49,101
Come with me.
I'll show you a technique. It's beautiful.

752
00:55:49,275 --> 00:55:53,678
Hello, Mrs. Haynes. How are you!
You want the cut and color today!

753
00:55:53,846 --> 00:55:55,211
Yes, please. Thanks.

754
00:55:56,215 --> 00:55:57,239
<i>Watch.</i>

755
00:56:00,887 --> 00:56:03,947
You see! She's going with it.
It's good.

756
00:56:04,123 --> 00:56:05,283
Yep.

757
00:56:05,792 --> 00:56:08,590
- She has a free shoulder. Come join.
- I'm good.

758
00:56:09,762 --> 00:56:12,196
Mrs. Haynes,
you're getting cold here.

759
00:56:12,365 --> 00:56:14,799
Claude, come. Keep her warm.

760
00:56:14,967 --> 00:56:16,628
Go ahead. Yes.

761
00:56:17,336 --> 00:56:21,932
And gently move.
Gently move the shoulder.

762
00:56:22,108 --> 00:56:24,906
All you want to do is let her know
you're here for her.

763
00:56:25,101 --> 00:56:28,161
Now look away
like you're not even doing it.

764
00:56:28,337 --> 00:56:30,271
We're not doing this.

765
00:56:30,439 --> 00:56:31,736
- Same rhythm.
- Okay.

766
00:56:31,907 --> 00:56:34,273
Push. Push. Push.

767
00:56:36,078 --> 00:56:40,742
Oh, you're pushing harder.
It's starting to feel good on my end.

768
00:56:40,916 --> 00:56:44,579
I am trying to make money
to start my own business, huh.

769
00:56:44,754 --> 00:56:47,314
Would you say you read Spiegel
once a month, twice...

770
00:56:47,490 --> 00:56:49,355
Would you just get us
to the hair salon!

771
00:56:49,525 --> 00:56:51,083
We're gonna miss our appointment.

772
00:56:51,260 --> 00:56:54,855
I curse you, and I curse your hair.

773
00:56:55,030 --> 00:56:58,397
What is big deal
about this hair place anyway!

774
00:57:00,970 --> 00:57:02,494
They get worse every year.

775
00:57:09,512 --> 00:57:14,814
Okay, we'll take them to the truck.
We'll just talk to them. But we'll find a...

776
00:57:17,820 --> 00:57:21,449
Did you throw this shoe at me,
my friend!

777
00:57:22,625 --> 00:57:23,956
No!

778
00:57:24,126 --> 00:57:26,686
Sure looks like it was you.

779
00:57:31,267 --> 00:57:33,531
Then who threw it!

780
00:57:36,872 --> 00:57:41,070
Okay. You're lucky I'm in good mood.
I'll let you off the hook.

781
00:57:42,545 --> 00:57:45,309
Nobody spits on me.

782
00:57:49,685 --> 00:57:52,586
Thank you for the goat, my friend.

783
00:57:52,755 --> 00:57:53,779
Yes.

784
00:57:54,790 --> 00:57:57,156
Goat!

785
00:57:57,326 --> 00:57:59,294
Goat.

786
00:57:59,461 --> 00:58:01,986
Goat!

787
00:58:02,164 --> 00:58:04,632
Goat!

788
00:58:05,467 --> 00:58:07,958
Goat.

789
00:58:08,137 --> 00:58:11,129
I said, "Can we have the receipt!"

790
00:58:12,308 --> 00:58:14,868
Yes. Die in hell.

791
00:58:18,581 --> 00:58:19,809
Welcome.

792
00:58:23,419 --> 00:58:26,616
We'll color your hair Bling-Bling
Blond. This is what you need.

793
00:58:26,789 --> 00:58:28,780
You know what else they go for!

794
00:58:28,958 --> 00:58:32,792
The... I don't know what you have,
but mine is the biggest.

795
00:58:32,962 --> 00:58:35,487
This...
It does not get bigger than this.

796
00:58:35,664 --> 00:58:38,895
It's enormous. Scary. I mean:

797
00:58:39,068 --> 00:58:40,228
What!

798
00:58:40,669 --> 00:58:43,263
I have the biggest. It's the biggest.

799
00:58:43,439 --> 00:58:45,100
Take a look at this.

800
00:58:45,274 --> 00:58:47,265
Look.

801
00:58:50,012 --> 00:58:52,242
- It's not that big.
- It's not that...!

802
00:58:52,414 --> 00:58:53,574
No, no, no. The bush.

803
00:58:54,183 --> 00:58:55,844
The bush is the biggest.

804
00:58:56,018 --> 00:58:58,509
And the girls like this
because it's cushion.

805
00:59:00,022 --> 00:59:04,356
<i>It is no bullshaklaga. He is the one.
I never forget a face.</i>

806
00:59:04,526 --> 00:59:06,187
So, what do you want I do!

807
00:59:06,729 --> 00:59:08,629
Wait. I conference you.

808
00:59:10,699 --> 00:59:11,723
Hello!

809
00:59:11,901 --> 00:59:14,927
Nasi, emergency meeting.
You're on with Hamdi as well.

810
00:59:15,104 --> 00:59:17,038
- Hello, Nasi.
- Hello, Hamdi.

811
00:59:17,206 --> 00:59:19,606
Can you believe
how much they pay Delgado!

812
00:59:19,775 --> 00:59:23,006
Yes. Why Mets do this!

813
00:59:23,779 --> 00:59:26,805
This is serious. We meet!

814
00:59:26,982 --> 00:59:29,644
I explain why is emergency.

815
00:59:29,818 --> 00:59:32,616
This is not just man
who take my goat.

816
00:59:35,024 --> 00:59:38,118
- Zohan Dvir.
- Yes.

817
00:59:38,294 --> 00:59:40,421
Everyone think Phantom kill him.

818
00:59:40,596 --> 00:59:41,961
Phantom not kill him.

819
00:59:42,131 --> 00:59:45,760
We will capture,
then make trade with Israel.

820
00:59:45,935 --> 00:59:48,096
We will be heroes.

821
00:59:48,270 --> 00:59:51,967
But, Salim, we are not Jihadim. We
don't know for sure that this is him.

822
00:59:52,141 --> 00:59:55,042
Let's call Hamas, Hezbollah.
Let them handle this.

823
00:59:55,210 --> 00:59:57,235
- Leave it to the pros.
- No.

824
00:59:57,413 --> 00:59:58,812
Hezbollah shmezbollah.

825
00:59:58,981 --> 01:00:02,849
Hezbollah will take all the credit.
This is our shot.

826
01:00:03,018 --> 01:00:04,952
Why not let Phantom capture him!

827
01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:08,317
Screw Phantom. He hero already.

828
01:00:08,824 --> 01:00:12,191
<i>Where's my chain
of muchentuchen restaurants!</i>

829
01:00:13,629 --> 01:00:16,359
Salim, don't make this
about yourself.

830
01:00:16,532 --> 01:00:17,999
This is about me.

831
01:00:18,167 --> 01:00:19,794
And about him.

832
01:00:19,969 --> 01:00:21,937
And about my goat!

833
01:00:22,671 --> 01:00:25,231
Come on, let's go!

834
01:00:25,407 --> 01:00:28,808
This is nice,
the walking inside the outside.

835
01:00:28,978 --> 01:00:32,539
The park, the people,
the horses, the kid.

836
01:00:32,715 --> 01:00:34,546
Well, you're always downtown.

837
01:00:34,717 --> 01:00:36,810
You should see
a little more of New York.

838
01:00:36,986 --> 01:00:38,954
Yes, yes, this is good.

839
01:00:39,121 --> 01:00:40,679
The talking is good...

840
01:00:40,856 --> 01:00:43,552
...to get to know each other
before the bang-boom. I like.

841
01:00:43,726 --> 01:00:47,594
Oh, no, no, no.
There will be no bang-booming.

842
01:00:47,763 --> 01:00:51,130
I just wanted to thank you
for saving my business.

843
01:00:51,300 --> 01:00:54,292
- This isn't a date.
- No, no, no.

844
01:00:54,470 --> 01:00:57,667
I feel you have helped me so much...

845
01:00:57,840 --> 01:01:00,104
The right thing to do
is to tap you so hard...

846
01:01:00,275 --> 01:01:03,472
<i>...my schtitzel will come out
your poopech. That's what I think.</i>

847
01:01:03,645 --> 01:01:06,671
Look, why don't we
just enjoy the park!

848
01:01:06,849 --> 01:01:09,010
No, no, no. This is what we do.

849
01:01:10,552 --> 01:01:12,986
Hey, look, softball.

850
01:01:13,155 --> 01:01:16,090
- You like softball!
- Of course, I love softball.

851
01:01:16,258 --> 01:01:20,058
What is softball! Teach me how to.

852
01:01:20,229 --> 01:01:22,823
I learned softball
when I came to the States.

853
01:01:22,998 --> 01:01:25,558
When you're Arab, it helps to fit in.

854
01:01:25,734 --> 01:01:27,668
Yeah, how long you move here ago!

855
01:01:27,836 --> 01:01:29,770
Just a few years ago.

856
01:01:29,938 --> 01:01:34,375
I couldn't take it there anymore.
All the hate, on both sides.

857
01:01:34,543 --> 01:01:36,602
Yes, especially yours.

858
01:01:36,779 --> 01:01:39,680
Why you say this! You don't know.

859
01:01:39,848 --> 01:01:42,078
No, no, I don't. I read this.

860
01:01:42,251 --> 01:01:46,620
The Australian-Tibet media
is very biased.

861
01:01:46,789 --> 01:01:50,350
Look, both sides crazy.

862
01:01:50,526 --> 01:01:51,891
My own family...

863
01:01:53,095 --> 01:01:54,619
My brother...

864
01:01:54,797 --> 01:02:00,201
...if he knew I work cross street
from Israelis, he would lose it.

865
01:02:00,369 --> 01:02:03,964
- Really!
- You have the hardcores on both sides.

866
01:02:04,139 --> 01:02:06,573
They just want to fight and fight.

867
01:02:06,742 --> 01:02:09,939
Nobody will win this way.
It has to stop.

868
01:02:11,213 --> 01:02:14,478
When will it end, eh! Yes.

869
01:02:16,218 --> 01:02:20,052
Okay, so you must be thirsty, no!

870
01:02:20,556 --> 01:02:22,490
Here.

871
01:02:22,658 --> 01:02:24,649
Where you get this!

872
01:02:24,827 --> 01:02:27,261
This! From specialty shop
on West Side.

873
01:02:27,429 --> 01:02:30,956
This Middle Eastern drink.
You know this! Fizzy Bubblech!

874
01:02:31,133 --> 01:02:34,296
No, no, no. It looks pretty good.

875
01:02:34,470 --> 01:02:37,337
Oh, try, try. It's very good.
Try, have a sip.

876
01:02:41,577 --> 01:02:42,669
It's not for me.

877
01:02:42,845 --> 01:02:44,745
No! Really!

878
01:02:48,350 --> 01:02:50,648
This is his shop.

879
01:02:50,819 --> 01:02:53,185
Here is photo for compare.

880
01:02:53,355 --> 01:02:55,915
For how long this take!
I close the newsstand.

881
01:02:57,292 --> 01:03:00,853
Make sure you ask him
if he ever hit by shoe.

882
01:03:01,029 --> 01:03:06,194
And about the prize goat
that can fetch a bowl of onion soup.

883
01:03:06,802 --> 01:03:10,636
Look in his eyes when you
ask him this, for they will be suffering.

884
01:03:10,806 --> 01:03:13,036
- You know, I just got haircut.
- Go.

885
01:03:14,476 --> 01:03:19,277
Look at this. I feel like Hugh Hefner
with all you little bunnies around here.

886
01:03:22,217 --> 01:03:26,313
Okay, okay,
let's see who is going next.

887
01:03:27,556 --> 01:03:31,652
"Jorge Posada," where are you!

888
01:03:31,827 --> 01:03:32,987
That's me.

889
01:03:34,596 --> 01:03:37,394
Okay, good-looking guy,
you take a seat there. You're next.

890
01:03:38,066 --> 01:03:40,534
You know, you look like
you already just got haircut.

891
01:03:41,570 --> 01:03:43,629
No, no.

892
01:03:43,805 --> 01:03:47,673
So I guessing you're looking for
something in the silky smooth area!

893
01:03:47,843 --> 01:03:51,142
- Well...
- Because I see you have nice curls.

894
01:03:51,313 --> 01:03:53,907
You don't want to
cut into those curls.

895
01:03:54,082 --> 01:03:56,016
We will talk about this over there.

896
01:03:56,185 --> 01:04:00,622
Okay, Scrappy, I wait.

897
01:04:00,789 --> 01:04:03,383
Is not like I have a shoe to throw.

898
01:04:04,660 --> 01:04:06,491
Sure. Yes. Beautiful. Whatever.

899
01:04:06,662 --> 01:04:10,826
I don't have time to go watch
a goat fetch soap.

900
01:04:11,633 --> 01:04:14,693
- What!
- What! I don't know.

901
01:04:14,870 --> 01:04:16,269
Listen, my friend...

902
01:04:16,438 --> 01:04:19,373
...you want to talk, it's good,
but you have to wait your turn.

903
01:04:19,541 --> 01:04:21,668
First I have to cut and bang
Mrs. Greenhouse.

904
01:04:21,843 --> 01:04:23,868
- That's right.
- Okay.

905
01:04:28,417 --> 01:04:30,112
Well, I'm ready for it.

906
01:04:30,285 --> 01:04:32,480
Oh, dear.

907
01:04:33,956 --> 01:04:38,586
I am sorry, Mrs. Greenhouse.
I am not man enough for you today.

908
01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:41,524
Oh, Scrappy, it's fine.

909
01:04:41,697 --> 01:04:45,531
I don't know what the problem is.
I am going to lose business.

910
01:04:45,701 --> 01:04:49,603
Oh, no, dear. You're still adorable.

911
01:04:49,771 --> 01:04:52,535
The screwing
was really just a bonus.

912
01:04:53,408 --> 01:04:56,900
You are an angel, Mrs. Greenhouse.

913
01:04:57,079 --> 01:05:00,173
An angel with a magic throat.

914
01:05:00,349 --> 01:05:02,214
Oh, Scrappy!

915
01:05:03,518 --> 01:05:06,954
No, that could work.
One more, please.

916
01:05:07,122 --> 01:05:08,714
Let's see what we got.

917
01:05:08,890 --> 01:05:11,051
And we're still nothing.

918
01:05:23,538 --> 01:05:24,562
Well!

919
01:05:24,740 --> 01:05:26,731
He was very cool.

920
01:05:26,908 --> 01:05:28,933
Idiot. What did he say!

921
01:05:29,578 --> 01:05:33,981
He think I have nice curls
that go well with a full face.

922
01:05:34,149 --> 01:05:37,312
- But was it him!
- Well, it looked like him.

923
01:05:37,486 --> 01:05:38,953
But hard to know.

924
01:05:39,121 --> 01:05:43,820
I tell you this: he didn't seem to care
when I talk about goat fetching soap.

925
01:05:44,860 --> 01:05:49,593
Soup. The goat fetched soup.
You ruin everything.

926
01:05:49,765 --> 01:05:51,756
Soup! This makes no sense.

927
01:05:51,933 --> 01:05:54,834
Screw you. It's him. I know it's him.

928
01:05:55,003 --> 01:05:58,598
The goat fetched soup!
This is unbelievable.

929
01:05:58,774 --> 01:06:01,106
Go to hell.

930
01:06:01,777 --> 01:06:03,005
You said it was urgent!

931
01:06:03,178 --> 01:06:06,375
It's an emergency.
Please, take a look.

932
01:06:07,683 --> 01:06:08,707
Yes, yes.

933
01:06:09,618 --> 01:06:13,554
Well, that's not a real problem.
You can always shave it.

934
01:06:14,623 --> 01:06:16,648
No, not the bush.

935
01:06:16,825 --> 01:06:20,784
No, inside the bush.
Look deeper. Him.

936
01:06:20,962 --> 01:06:23,192
- I see.
- He lays in there all day long.

937
01:06:23,365 --> 01:06:27,426
Maybe it needs some more oxygen.
It looks like it's being strangled.

938
01:06:29,471 --> 01:06:31,564
So the Palestinian says to the priest:

939
01:06:31,740 --> 01:06:35,005
"Okay, but let's skip the bath."

940
01:06:36,244 --> 01:06:38,075
Why, are they not clean!

941
01:06:38,246 --> 01:06:39,577
No, is good joke.

942
01:06:40,949 --> 01:06:44,077
Honey, are you all right!
You've been in there for over an hour.

943
01:06:44,252 --> 01:06:48,621
What is this stuff! I mean, I took one
sip and I repainted the whole toilet.

944
01:06:48,790 --> 01:06:51,350
Is Fizzy Bubblech.
You'll get used to it, relax.

945
01:06:51,526 --> 01:06:54,017
I don't wanna get used to it.
My car couldn't.

946
01:06:56,231 --> 01:06:59,564
- All right, that's it for me. I'm done.
- What! What!

947
01:06:59,735 --> 01:07:01,134
Is everything all right!

948
01:07:01,303 --> 01:07:03,362
- Is it about the pee-pee!
- Stop it.

949
01:07:03,538 --> 01:07:06,200
<i>- The pee-pee!
- He can't do with his peepeechosetz.</i>

950
01:07:06,375 --> 01:07:09,867
Really!
He's usually as hard as trigonometry.

951
01:07:10,045 --> 01:07:12,411
- Mom. What...!
- When did this happen!

952
01:07:13,148 --> 01:07:14,672
The last few days.

953
01:07:14,850 --> 01:07:18,081
Of course. It's ever since
you went out with that Dalia.

954
01:07:19,354 --> 01:07:24,053
Your hog is telling you something.
She must be the one.

955
01:07:24,226 --> 01:07:26,751
The one!

956
01:07:26,928 --> 01:07:28,259
Is this possible!

957
01:07:28,430 --> 01:07:31,092
Of course it's possible, man.

958
01:07:31,266 --> 01:07:35,464
<i>All the beaverim in the world
and he falls for Palestinian muffich.</i>

959
01:07:36,104 --> 01:07:38,368
Why should Scrappy care
if she's Palestinian!

960
01:07:38,540 --> 01:07:41,805
He's from Australia and Tibet.
He's not Israeli.

961
01:07:41,977 --> 01:07:43,308
- No, no, no.
- Oh, no, no, no.

962
01:07:45,781 --> 01:07:47,078
Exactly.

963
01:07:47,249 --> 01:07:48,841
What was that, a motor boat!

964
01:07:49,017 --> 01:07:50,245
You know, Scrappy...

965
01:07:50,419 --> 01:07:55,550
...a special woman is special
no matter where she's from.

966
01:07:55,724 --> 01:07:57,988
Listen to your hog.

967
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:02,196
Someone special.

968
01:08:02,364 --> 01:08:03,490
Maybe is good.

969
01:08:03,665 --> 01:08:05,792
It's good! It's terrific!

970
01:08:06,635 --> 01:08:09,468
I mean, you know,
you guys won't be together anymore...

971
01:08:09,638 --> 01:08:12,106
...but Scrappy is in love.
That's great, awesome.

972
01:08:12,841 --> 01:08:14,433
Thank you for your support.

973
01:08:14,609 --> 01:08:16,201
- Is a good boy.
- Good boy.

974
01:08:16,378 --> 01:08:19,074
This is fun. Let's celebrate.
Where's the cat!

975
01:08:19,247 --> 01:08:21,875
Let's cat-sack, huh! Throw it to me.

976
01:08:22,050 --> 01:08:24,746
- Got you.
- Let's play, man.

977
01:08:27,522 --> 01:08:29,149
Take it, Michael.

978
01:08:33,895 --> 01:08:35,021
Look at you.

979
01:08:38,600 --> 01:08:40,898
I wanna try it.

980
01:08:48,276 --> 01:08:49,402
Is good.

981
01:08:51,847 --> 01:08:53,678
<i>Welcome to Hezbollah phone line.</i>

982
01:08:53,849 --> 01:08:56,409
<i>For membership information,
press one.</i>

983
01:08:56,585 --> 01:08:59,247
<i>For negotiation update, press two.</i>

984
01:08:59,421 --> 01:09:02,151
<i>For bonus mile information,
press three.</i>

985
01:09:02,324 --> 01:09:05,623
<i>For terrorist supplies, press four.</i>

986
01:09:07,095 --> 01:09:10,087
<i>We have currently suspended
our terrorist supply service...</i>

987
01:09:10,265 --> 01:09:13,257
<i>... as we are engaged
in negotiations with Israel.</i>

988
01:09:13,435 --> 01:09:18,771
<i>We will resume service as soon as
negotiations break down. Thank you.</i>

989
01:09:18,940 --> 01:09:21,067
Great.

990
01:09:21,543 --> 01:09:23,909
Come on. Just think of a bomb.

991
01:09:24,079 --> 01:09:28,379
They say you can make bomb from
everyday's material. You combine.

992
01:09:28,550 --> 01:09:31,576
Yes, okay.
But what we combination!

993
01:09:33,555 --> 01:09:35,079
Just think of chemicals.

994
01:09:35,257 --> 01:09:37,851
Chemicals, like in science class.

995
01:09:38,026 --> 01:09:39,926
Yes.

996
01:09:45,233 --> 01:09:48,259
Who remembers this stuff!

997
01:09:51,072 --> 01:09:52,130
Hello.

998
01:09:52,307 --> 01:09:54,935
Well, can I help you fellas
find anything!

999
01:09:55,110 --> 01:09:58,568
Yes, do you have...

1000
01:10:00,582 --> 01:10:05,315
..."liquid nitrogen."

1001
01:10:06,521 --> 01:10:08,148
You need what!

1002
01:10:08,323 --> 01:10:12,987
Liquid nitrogen.

1003
01:10:14,663 --> 01:10:18,463
Yeah. Well, I suppose
we have some of that.

1004
01:10:18,633 --> 01:10:19,895
Now, just a moment.

1005
01:10:26,274 --> 01:10:29,471
- This is it!
- Yes, and that's the large container.

1006
01:10:30,779 --> 01:10:32,337
This works!

1007
01:10:32,514 --> 01:10:34,175
Oh, it works quite well. Yes.

1008
01:10:35,483 --> 01:10:36,507
You use!

1009
01:10:36,685 --> 01:10:40,143
From time to time. Sure.

1010
01:10:44,726 --> 01:10:46,694
We'll take 12.

1011
01:10:47,696 --> 01:10:50,631
Look, you can turn off the water...

1012
01:10:50,799 --> 01:10:53,597
...but we will find a way
to keep on going.

1013
01:10:53,768 --> 01:10:55,827
Oh, you like when I spray you,
Mrs. Skitzer!

1014
01:10:56,004 --> 01:10:57,801
Where's the $ 14,000!

1015
01:10:58,373 --> 01:11:02,275
I have your rent right here.
There is no getting rid of me.

1016
01:11:02,444 --> 01:11:03,877
We don't wanna get rid of you.

1017
01:11:04,045 --> 01:11:08,482
Mr. Walbridge would actually like to
relocate your salon in our new mall.

1018
01:11:08,650 --> 01:11:11,881
You mean the one you want to destroy
this community to build!

1019
01:11:12,053 --> 01:11:14,521
It is not our intent
to destroy this community.

1020
01:11:15,390 --> 01:11:19,793
I'll take the community, Pancake.

1021
01:11:19,961 --> 01:11:23,226
My name is Gray, and I'll be back.

1022
01:11:23,932 --> 01:11:25,661
Nice to meet you, Pancake.

1023
01:11:29,437 --> 01:11:30,461
Why Pancake!

1024
01:11:31,306 --> 01:11:32,330
Just for fun.

1025
01:11:33,108 --> 01:11:35,076
You were amazing right there.

1026
01:11:38,213 --> 01:11:39,237
Oh, my God.

1027
01:11:39,414 --> 01:11:41,439
What!

1028
01:11:41,616 --> 01:11:43,379
I have one.

1029
01:11:43,885 --> 01:11:44,977
What!

1030
01:11:45,153 --> 01:11:47,644
<i>I have zikpah.</i>

1031
01:11:47,822 --> 01:11:49,016
Look at it.

1032
01:11:50,325 --> 01:11:53,089
It is you.

1033
01:11:53,862 --> 01:11:57,923
Dalia, I don't know how to tell you this.
I cannot make sticky with anyone else.

1034
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:01,901
You are the special one.

1035
01:12:02,070 --> 01:12:05,528
I will only be stiff for you.

1036
01:12:06,841 --> 01:12:08,365
Who is Steve!

1037
01:12:08,543 --> 01:12:10,943
Stiff, with an F.

1038
01:12:13,448 --> 01:12:16,076
- Stiff. Stiff.
- Yes.

1039
01:12:16,685 --> 01:12:18,277
Okay...

1040
01:12:18,453 --> 01:12:22,446
...I know you meant that
in a good way...

1041
01:12:22,624 --> 01:12:23,852
The best of ways.

1042
01:12:24,025 --> 01:12:26,459
- so thank you.

1043
01:12:26,628 --> 01:12:28,755
Thank you.

1044
01:12:30,098 --> 01:12:31,725
Is crazy.

1045
01:12:31,900 --> 01:12:35,199
This has never happened.

1046
01:12:35,370 --> 01:12:36,962
One woman...

1047
01:12:37,138 --> 01:12:39,333
<i>...one zikpah...</i>

1048
01:12:39,507 --> 01:12:41,202
...one life.

1049
01:13:04,566 --> 01:13:07,694
You see his face!
Scared Israeli son of bitch.

1050
01:13:07,869 --> 01:13:09,837
Salim, this is not bomb.

1051
01:13:10,004 --> 01:13:11,369
What you mean "not bomb"!

1052
01:13:11,539 --> 01:13:14,167
It's grade A liquid nitrogen.

1053
01:13:14,342 --> 01:13:16,037
Guys, I really need to go home.

1054
01:13:16,211 --> 01:13:18,372
Inaz have a soccer match
in the morning.

1055
01:13:18,546 --> 01:13:22,038
- I am hero.
- Salim, this not bomb. It just go:

1056
01:13:22,217 --> 01:13:24,014
Well, just go with it.

1057
01:13:26,154 --> 01:13:27,781
I scraped some off the window.

1058
01:13:28,456 --> 01:13:29,753
Maybe you know what is!

1059
01:13:35,563 --> 01:13:40,023
It's Neosporin, it's nothing.
I use it for cuts and genital sores.

1060
01:13:43,238 --> 01:13:45,934
We're beginning to think
maybe someone out to get the Zo...

1061
01:13:46,107 --> 01:13:47,938
The Scrappy.

1062
01:13:48,109 --> 01:13:51,704
You mean like a competing salon!
That's heavy.

1063
01:13:51,880 --> 01:13:54,781
Don't be afraid, honey.
Don't be afraid.

1064
01:13:54,949 --> 01:13:56,678
Well, I...

1065
01:13:58,186 --> 01:14:00,882
Yeah, lick this.
No, she likes the tongue in the ear.

1066
01:14:01,055 --> 01:14:03,080
Oh, I like that bet... Oh, I like that.

1067
01:14:03,258 --> 01:14:05,351
<i>Close with the brenski.</i>

1068
01:14:07,762 --> 01:14:10,162
Come on, get some saliva
on those bad boys.

1069
01:14:10,331 --> 01:14:12,492
- She likes it, huh!
- Of course she likes it.

1070
01:14:12,667 --> 01:14:13,998
Okay.

1071
01:14:14,169 --> 01:14:17,229
I could look for clues. It's my shift
for community night watch.

1072
01:14:17,405 --> 01:14:19,134
The what!
The communism tight crotch!

1073
01:14:19,307 --> 01:14:21,275
Oh, it's the community
night watch program.

1074
01:14:21,442 --> 01:14:25,310
You know, people in the neighborhood
patrolling it, keeping it safe.

1075
01:14:25,480 --> 01:14:27,243
We kick some ass.

1076
01:14:27,415 --> 01:14:30,350
Hey, why don't you let Scrappy Coco
take your shift tonight!

1077
01:14:30,518 --> 01:14:32,918
- I bet he'd be good at this.
- Oori.

1078
01:14:33,521 --> 01:14:35,489
What! For clues.

1079
01:14:35,657 --> 01:14:40,253
I know it sounds scary, Scrappy,
but you are gonna be just fine.

1080
01:14:41,129 --> 01:14:43,256
Maybe I can manage one night.

1081
01:14:43,431 --> 01:14:45,160
Maybe you can pretzel some people.

1082
01:14:45,333 --> 01:14:48,359
- Thank you for getting the hummus.
- The hummus.

1083
01:14:49,003 --> 01:14:50,493
Where's Patches!

1084
01:14:50,672 --> 01:14:52,435
Patches.

1085
01:14:56,010 --> 01:14:59,002
I'm terrified right now.
I'm totally terrified.

1086
01:14:59,180 --> 01:15:01,478
"Shitting my pants"
doesn't come close.

1087
01:15:01,649 --> 01:15:03,742
I wish I was shitting my pants.

1088
01:15:03,918 --> 01:15:05,783
It's just a patrol.

1089
01:15:05,954 --> 01:15:07,251
What if something goes down!

1090
01:15:07,422 --> 01:15:09,617
I don't know if I'd have the courage.

1091
01:15:09,791 --> 01:15:12,555
What if something goes down
and someone got killed!

1092
01:15:12,727 --> 01:15:16,219
I would have to live with that.
I'd be happier shitting my pants.

1093
01:15:16,397 --> 01:15:17,694
Much happier.

1094
01:15:21,769 --> 01:15:23,930
- Let's go.
- We're supposed to call the police.

1095
01:15:24,105 --> 01:15:25,197
No. No time.

1096
01:15:25,373 --> 01:15:27,273
No, no. No. It's good.

1097
01:15:30,378 --> 01:15:31,402
Drop the paint.

1098
01:15:32,814 --> 01:15:35,908
Get out of here, Ahab,
or I'll cut your eyes out.

1099
01:15:36,084 --> 01:15:38,552
- Maybe we should let him finish.
- No, no, no.

1100
01:15:38,720 --> 01:15:41,484
What you cut my eyes out with!
The Neosporin!

1101
01:15:44,492 --> 01:15:46,221
My blade, camel jockey.

1102
01:15:46,394 --> 01:15:49,795
My friend, the beating I give you
if you stop the spraying...

1103
01:15:49,964 --> 01:15:53,456
...is much less than the beating
I give you if you try to cut me.

1104
01:15:57,772 --> 01:15:59,069
What are you laughing at!

1105
01:15:59,941 --> 01:16:02,637
That was just with everyone.

1106
01:16:13,454 --> 01:16:15,115
They had it coming to them, right!

1107
01:16:15,290 --> 01:16:17,520
Yeah. Yeah, it seemed like it. Yeah.

1108
01:16:17,692 --> 01:16:21,492
- Okay, you take it from here.
- I got it.

1109
01:16:21,663 --> 01:16:23,028
Everything's gonna be okay.

1110
01:16:26,467 --> 01:16:28,697
What you gotta say about that, huh!

1111
01:16:32,974 --> 01:16:35,374
You're telling me
our guys can't handle...

1112
01:16:35,543 --> 01:16:38,774
...some neighborhood
night-watching losers!

1113
01:16:38,947 --> 01:16:41,814
We can't even put a scare
into these people!

1114
01:16:41,983 --> 01:16:43,712
The main guy who got in the way...

1115
01:16:43,885 --> 01:16:47,048
...is the same one who's bringing
old biddies into Rafaela Salon.

1116
01:16:47,221 --> 01:16:48,415
My aunt goes there.

1117
01:16:48,589 --> 01:16:51,990
She says besides the sex,
the guy gives a pretty good haircut.

1118
01:16:52,160 --> 01:16:54,287
Don't talk to me about that dump.

1119
01:16:54,462 --> 01:16:58,956
I've got a huge,
classy hotel standing there...

1120
01:16:59,133 --> 01:17:01,658
...and it's staring
at that cheap garbage.

1121
01:17:01,836 --> 01:17:04,168
I want it staring at the Supercuts.

1122
01:17:04,339 --> 01:17:10,141
Now, has anyone made any headway
with any of these foreign people!

1123
01:17:10,311 --> 01:17:13,371
I spoke to the manager of Going
Out Of Business again yesterday.

1124
01:17:13,548 --> 01:17:16,176
I stated our price
and the urgency of the matter...

1125
01:17:16,351 --> 01:17:19,343
...and he offered me two-thirds less
and a Toshiba DVD player.

1126
01:17:19,520 --> 01:17:22,080
The people at Everything Must Go
were just as difficult.

1127
01:17:22,256 --> 01:17:25,555
They offered me a Blu-ray disc
and a jar of hummus.

1128
01:17:26,060 --> 01:17:27,152
What's hummus!

1129
01:17:27,328 --> 01:17:29,228
It's a very tasty...

1130
01:17:29,397 --> 01:17:30,864
...diarrhea-like substance.

1131
01:17:31,032 --> 01:17:33,330
Grant Walbridge has a vision.

1132
01:17:33,501 --> 01:17:37,801
A vision for Lower Manhattan
to have the first indoor mall...

1133
01:17:37,972 --> 01:17:41,203
...with its own 300-foot
roller coaster.

1134
01:17:41,376 --> 01:17:44,709
You know, you're lucky I have
a world-class superhot girlfriend...

1135
01:17:44,879 --> 01:17:48,713
...with a perfectly proportioned
ass-to-breast ratio...

1136
01:17:48,883 --> 01:17:50,748
...or I'd be furious.

1137
01:17:50,918 --> 01:17:52,909
She is smoking, sir.

1138
01:17:53,087 --> 01:17:54,952
I'd pay
to spend an hour with her, sir.

1139
01:17:55,123 --> 01:17:56,385
Let me in on that.

1140
01:17:56,557 --> 01:17:58,115
Well, thank you.

1141
01:17:58,292 --> 01:18:04,356
But if you bitches
can't get those people out...

1142
01:18:04,532 --> 01:18:07,262
...I will find other people
who will get the job done.

1143
01:18:07,435 --> 01:18:10,199
However, whenever.

1144
01:18:11,439 --> 01:18:16,775
Walbridge!

1145
01:18:24,118 --> 01:18:25,483
This is where I find them.

1146
01:18:25,653 --> 01:18:28,918
But I don't know if it's same people
who try to Neosporin salon.

1147
01:18:29,090 --> 01:18:32,958
But you caught them writing this crap,
so, what do you do!

1148
01:18:35,129 --> 01:18:37,962
- You don't mess with the Zohan.
- Check it.

1149
01:18:38,132 --> 01:18:39,121
- Disco.
- Disco.

1150
01:18:39,300 --> 01:18:40,289
- Good.
- Good.

1151
01:18:40,468 --> 01:18:42,959
Why did you do this
to Naseef's store, huh!

1152
01:18:43,137 --> 01:18:44,604
Why you blame the Israelis!

1153
01:18:44,772 --> 01:18:46,672
We come to work,
go out of business.

1154
01:18:46,841 --> 01:18:49,708
No, no, no.
Is not Israeli who do this.

1155
01:18:49,877 --> 01:18:52,641
I do community watch.
Don't worry, it's all taken care of.

1156
01:18:52,814 --> 01:18:56,181
Not Israeli! Who else would write
"Arab go home"!

1157
01:18:56,350 --> 01:18:59,877
Oh, I don't know,
just maybe 99 percent of the world.

1158
01:19:00,755 --> 01:19:02,746
- You see what he says!
- That was joke.

1159
01:19:02,924 --> 01:19:06,587
Come on, come on.
You guys get along here, stop this.

1160
01:19:06,761 --> 01:19:10,857
Yeah, here it's okay. It's just there,
the war is never going to end.

1161
01:19:11,532 --> 01:19:14,899
You know, we were so close to peace
before the asshole shot Rabin.

1162
01:19:16,037 --> 01:19:17,402
Bush, he see the big picture.

1163
01:19:17,572 --> 01:19:20,006
Bush no want peace,
he set it all back.

1164
01:19:20,174 --> 01:19:23,610
What about Bush's wife!
This is a wife I would get sticky with.

1165
01:19:23,778 --> 01:19:25,905
I would do this. I would do this.

1166
01:19:26,080 --> 01:19:28,776
- Yes, yes.
- What about Clinton! I would do Hillary.

1167
01:19:30,685 --> 01:19:31,879
The big legs.

1168
01:19:32,053 --> 01:19:34,988
Yeah, she look strict,
like she's going to teach me a lesson.

1169
01:19:35,156 --> 01:19:37,317
- Yes, discipline.
- You know what's funny!

1170
01:19:37,492 --> 01:19:39,255
I like Chelsea.

1171
01:19:39,427 --> 01:19:41,019
You're crazy.

1172
01:19:42,363 --> 01:19:43,921
She has beautiful legs.

1173
01:19:44,899 --> 01:19:48,892
If I want legs, I'll take Obama's wife.
She has legs.

1174
01:19:49,070 --> 01:19:51,129
This is what happens
when they talk politics.

1175
01:19:51,305 --> 01:19:53,205
No, no, no, wife of McCain!

1176
01:19:53,374 --> 01:19:56,605
She has the ass,
and you know she's not getting any.

1177
01:19:57,812 --> 01:20:02,215
I understand my assistant
explained the job to you.

1178
01:20:02,383 --> 01:20:05,045
He told us. You wanna get
some people out your building...

1179
01:20:05,219 --> 01:20:08,154
...so you can build
some kind of roller coaster mall.

1180
01:20:08,322 --> 01:20:11,553
Sir, I just wanna thank you
for this opportunity.

1181
01:20:11,726 --> 01:20:15,890
I mean, it's a gift to mess with the Jews
and the terrorists on the same night.

1182
01:20:16,063 --> 01:20:17,394
I mean, it's like...

1183
01:20:17,565 --> 01:20:20,466
- It's like...
- Christmas in July.

1184
01:20:20,635 --> 01:20:22,500
It's like Christmas in July.

1185
01:20:22,670 --> 01:20:25,639
<i>Right now
we are scheduled to sabotage...</i>

1186
01:20:25,806 --> 01:20:28,673
<i>... a black peoples' parade
in Chicago...</i>

1187
01:20:28,843 --> 01:20:31,073
...but we can move that.

1188
01:20:31,245 --> 01:20:34,681
Well, I'm not really quite sure
how you move a parade.

1189
01:20:34,849 --> 01:20:37,340
That's easy, it's just a phone call.

1190
01:20:38,019 --> 01:20:41,352
Well, we'll be calling back
to make the arrangements.

1191
01:20:41,522 --> 01:20:45,424
Can I just say that I don't like
most rich people, but you get it.

1192
01:20:45,593 --> 01:20:48,084
<i>We built this country
on the right to bear arms.</i>

1193
01:20:48,262 --> 01:20:52,164
Now they're trying to tell me how many
bullets my gun can shoot per second.

1194
01:20:52,333 --> 01:20:56,064
They're trying to tell me
whether I can stockpile weapons...

1195
01:20:56,237 --> 01:20:57,932
...in the shed behind my house.

1196
01:20:58,105 --> 01:21:00,699
- Right, by God.
- Anyway, you're a rich guy that gets it.

1197
01:21:00,875 --> 01:21:03,139
You and Mel Gibson.

1198
01:21:05,580 --> 01:21:09,107
Mel Gibson. Not too shabby.

1199
01:21:11,586 --> 01:21:13,611
<i>Welcome to Hezbollah
customer service.</i>

1200
01:21:13,788 --> 01:21:15,221
<i>All lines are busy now.</i>

1201
01:21:15,389 --> 01:21:20,656
<i>Your call will be received
in... minutes.</i>

1202
01:21:21,429 --> 01:21:23,659
Come on with this.
How we find Phantom!

1203
01:21:23,831 --> 01:21:27,130
<i>Well, he probably hang
at the muchentuchen restaurant.</i>

1204
01:21:27,301 --> 01:21:29,826
Okay, but which!
He have, like, 200.

1205
01:21:30,004 --> 01:21:31,198
Probably in Amman.

1206
01:21:31,372 --> 01:21:33,567
<i>In downtown
he get the hottest poochibaba.</i>

1207
01:21:39,747 --> 01:21:42,511
What's the area code of Amman!

1208
01:22:23,524 --> 01:22:24,923
Hello. Phantom Muchentuchen.

1209
01:22:25,092 --> 01:22:27,652
Yes. I want speak Phantom.

1210
01:22:27,828 --> 01:22:29,762
What say! No English.

1211
01:22:30,164 --> 01:22:31,654
Idiot.

1212
01:22:31,832 --> 01:22:34,300
Want speak to Phantom.

1213
01:22:34,468 --> 01:22:37,369
No, no, no. Phantom not here.
Phantom Muchentuchen.

1214
01:22:37,538 --> 01:22:40,905
Yeah, yeah, I know.
But Phantom no come!

1215
01:22:41,075 --> 01:22:42,667
<i>But what about for poonibaba!</i>

1216
01:22:42,843 --> 01:22:46,244
<i>No, no, poonibaba at store
on 3rd and Lachalta.</i>

1217
01:22:46,414 --> 01:22:48,974
Oh, okay. So you have number
for store!

1218
01:22:49,150 --> 01:22:50,777
You call information.

1219
01:22:50,951 --> 01:22:53,385
You don't have number
for other store!

1220
01:22:55,823 --> 01:22:57,222
It's somewhere. I don't know.

1221
01:22:57,391 --> 01:23:03,330
Come on, get number! I calling from
America, fry bitch! I very important.

1222
01:23:03,497 --> 01:23:05,328
Salim, the kids.

1223
01:23:05,499 --> 01:23:08,627
When she is grown up
she will understand!

1224
01:23:10,237 --> 01:23:11,932
Hello.

1225
01:23:14,041 --> 01:23:17,306
I find the Zohan.
You not kill the Zohan.

1226
01:23:17,478 --> 01:23:19,070
I kill the Zohan.

1227
01:23:19,246 --> 01:23:22,113
No, you did not.
I find him in America.

1228
01:23:22,283 --> 01:23:24,877
I prove. I send you picture on cell.

1229
01:23:25,519 --> 01:23:27,282
Okay. Bring this.

1230
01:23:27,455 --> 01:23:28,649
I am bringing.

1231
01:23:35,062 --> 01:23:36,086
<i>You see?</i>

1232
01:23:36,263 --> 01:23:39,790
But the hairstyle, it is hideous.

1233
01:23:39,967 --> 01:23:41,059
This is same Zohan.

1234
01:23:41,235 --> 01:23:44,227
<i>What he thinking! He look like guy
from Who's the Boss?</i>

1235
01:23:44,405 --> 01:23:46,669
Look, this is same Zohan.

1236
01:23:46,841 --> 01:23:51,141
Everybody think you big hero.
But I tell everyone you not big hero.

1237
01:23:51,312 --> 01:23:53,280
Okay, okay, okay!
What you want, huh!

1238
01:23:53,447 --> 01:23:55,972
<i>I want muchentuchen
restaurant chain.</i>

1239
01:23:56,150 --> 01:23:57,310
No.

1240
01:23:57,485 --> 01:24:00,181
But if I tell,
you no have chain anyway.

1241
01:24:00,354 --> 01:24:02,618
So you not give any incentive.

1242
01:24:03,991 --> 01:24:06,926
<i>Okay. I want 50 percent
of muchentuchen chain.</i>

1243
01:24:07,094 --> 01:24:10,495
<i>- Phantom & Salim Muchentuchen.
- No.</i>

1244
01:24:10,664 --> 01:24:12,291
- Twenty-five percent.
- No.

1245
01:24:12,466 --> 01:24:15,458
I want yogurt shop attached to store,
like food court.

1246
01:24:15,936 --> 01:24:16,960
Okay.

1247
01:24:17,138 --> 01:24:19,038
- I get profits from store.
- No.

1248
01:24:19,206 --> 01:24:20,696
- Some profits.
- No.

1249
01:24:20,875 --> 01:24:22,843
I get free yogurt
when I come to store.

1250
01:24:23,544 --> 01:24:25,307
Okay. Within reason.

1251
01:24:25,479 --> 01:24:27,003
And I want some of your wives.

1252
01:24:27,448 --> 01:24:28,779
<i>How many wives you want?</i>

1253
01:24:28,949 --> 01:24:30,280
- Twenty.
- No.

1254
01:24:30,451 --> 01:24:32,282
- I sleep with one wife.
- No.

1255
01:24:32,453 --> 01:24:34,284
She give one pee-pee touch.

1256
01:24:35,189 --> 01:24:36,213
Okay.

1257
01:24:53,674 --> 01:24:56,734
My friends, look what I do.
I hook you all up with tickets.

1258
01:24:56,911 --> 01:24:59,675
This Walbridge guy's
trying to kiss salon's ass...

1259
01:24:59,847 --> 01:25:02,543
...so he give me 20 tickets
hackyside.

1260
01:25:02,716 --> 01:25:06,675
Very nice. Hassan, you see this!

1261
01:25:07,688 --> 01:25:10,885
This is where you're going to be
when Israel kick your ass.

1262
01:25:11,058 --> 01:25:14,357
Yes! No, you're gonna give it up
like you give up Gaza Strip, huh!

1263
01:25:16,397 --> 01:25:18,365
Excuse us.

1264
01:25:20,201 --> 01:25:21,293
I have to show you this.

1265
01:25:21,469 --> 01:25:25,064
Listen to Fatima Zaad's
gossip column on Page Nine.

1266
01:25:25,239 --> 01:25:28,333
"A hall of fame terrorist
is visiting New York...

1267
01:25:28,509 --> 01:25:30,841
<i>...and not for the muchentuchen."</i>

1268
01:25:31,545 --> 01:25:34,275
- Phantom's coming to the City!
- There's more.

1269
01:25:34,448 --> 01:25:38,612
"He's coming to hacky sack
a certain scrappy Israeli...

1270
01:25:38,786 --> 01:25:43,018
...who says he cuts hair,
but really cuts terrorist."

1271
01:25:44,658 --> 01:25:45,920
He's ruined everything.

1272
01:25:46,093 --> 01:25:48,391
Why you say! You the Zohan.

1273
01:25:48,562 --> 01:25:51,053
He come to hacky sack,
you take him out.

1274
01:25:51,232 --> 01:25:53,757
No, I don't care.
I come here to start new life.

1275
01:25:53,934 --> 01:25:56,835
Get new woman to love
and make the bang-boom.

1276
01:25:57,004 --> 01:25:59,234
Now my life's followed me here.

1277
01:26:08,082 --> 01:26:10,915
Maybe Phantom no care anymore.

1278
01:27:05,940 --> 01:27:08,465
You're an Israeli counterterrorist!

1279
01:27:08,642 --> 01:27:10,041
- I knew it.
- What!

1280
01:27:10,210 --> 01:27:13,509
Well, the Israeli part.
Because he's circumcised.

1281
01:27:14,481 --> 01:27:17,348
How is Dalia going to forgive me!

1282
01:27:17,518 --> 01:27:18,917
I'm liar.

1283
01:27:19,086 --> 01:27:22,021
She Palestinian, I'm no Australian.

1284
01:27:22,189 --> 01:27:25,124
You know, Scrappy...
I mean, "Zohard."

1285
01:27:25,292 --> 01:27:28,318
- if there's one thing I've learned
from all my relationships...

1286
01:27:28,495 --> 01:27:32,625
...with Jewish men, Puerto Rican men,
aborigines...

1287
01:27:34,301 --> 01:27:37,270
...you can't have secrets
in a relationship.

1288
01:27:37,438 --> 01:27:42,239
You tell her the truth
and if she really is this special one...

1289
01:27:42,409 --> 01:27:45,071
...everything will work out just fine.

1290
01:27:45,813 --> 01:27:47,906
I like this.

1291
01:27:52,918 --> 01:27:56,979
I am sorry I not tell you the truth before
I make you fall head over tits for me.

1292
01:27:57,155 --> 01:28:01,182
But believe me,
I am wanting you even more.

1293
01:28:02,194 --> 01:28:04,924
I know you're not from
where you say.

1294
01:28:05,096 --> 01:28:07,189
I see how you look
at the Fizzy Bubblech.

1295
01:28:07,365 --> 01:28:11,392
Then why you like this! Is it because
I Israel and you Palestine!

1296
01:28:11,570 --> 01:28:13,094
Come on, tell me in my face.

1297
01:28:13,271 --> 01:28:16,707
Zohan, you're not just Israel.

1298
01:28:16,875 --> 01:28:18,775
You Israel.

1299
01:28:18,944 --> 01:28:20,912
But you say hate is stupid.

1300
01:28:21,079 --> 01:28:24,879
That's why you run to America, to get
away from the hate and the fighting.

1301
01:28:25,483 --> 01:28:28,577
I was even thinking
we let all this cool down...

1302
01:28:28,753 --> 01:28:30,721
...I go out and get us
a house over there.

1303
01:28:30,889 --> 01:28:33,483
We move in together,
we cut the hair...

1304
01:28:33,658 --> 01:28:36,422
...make the children,
cut the children's hair.

1305
01:28:36,595 --> 01:28:38,961
Zohan, I can't.

1306
01:28:39,831 --> 01:28:43,426
I have open mind,
but you Israeli counterterrorist.

1307
01:28:43,602 --> 01:28:45,297
No, no, no. I no do this anymore.

1308
01:28:45,470 --> 01:28:48,200
You put the fork in the fat lady,
it's over.

1309
01:28:48,373 --> 01:28:50,534
She's had enough to eat.
This is a promise.

1310
01:28:50,709 --> 01:28:53,200
It doesn't matter.

1311
01:28:53,378 --> 01:28:55,471
You don't know my family.

1312
01:28:55,647 --> 01:28:58,115
Or maybe you do.

1313
01:28:58,283 --> 01:28:59,545
What does this mean!

1314
01:29:00,785 --> 01:29:02,548
Just leave.

1315
01:29:02,721 --> 01:29:04,655
Please, it can't be.

1316
01:29:09,094 --> 01:29:11,426
Maybe is for best.

1317
01:29:12,264 --> 01:29:15,392
You deserve a safe life.

1318
01:29:16,735 --> 01:29:18,896
But know...

1319
01:29:19,838 --> 01:29:23,069
...you will always be my special one.

1320
01:29:34,686 --> 01:29:36,779
- Zohan.
- Dalia.

1321
01:29:39,424 --> 01:29:40,857
I got you a gift.

1322
01:29:41,026 --> 01:29:43,153
A gift.

1323
01:29:46,931 --> 01:29:49,422
They come out with new book!

1324
01:29:49,601 --> 01:29:54,436
Yes. They do it
every 21 years, I think.

1325
01:29:54,606 --> 01:29:56,801
Just a slight update from yours.

1326
01:30:02,514 --> 01:30:04,505
No feathering!

1327
01:30:04,683 --> 01:30:05,980
Or scrunching!

1328
01:30:06,718 --> 01:30:08,015
Where's the style!

1329
01:30:09,054 --> 01:30:13,787
But I know this is nice gesture.
Thank you.

1330
01:30:15,060 --> 01:30:16,687
Goodbye, Zohan.

1331
01:30:16,861 --> 01:30:19,091
Goodbye.

1332
01:30:25,537 --> 01:30:27,630
Goodbye.

1333
01:30:52,697 --> 01:30:54,358
I'm sorry it didn't work out.

1334
01:30:54,532 --> 01:30:56,022
Me too.

1335
01:30:56,201 --> 01:30:57,463
You still go to Hacky Sack!

1336
01:30:57,635 --> 01:31:00,604
Yes, it's better I find him
than he finds me, huh!

1337
01:31:00,772 --> 01:31:03,832
I got your back.
I get you best army guys in city.

1338
01:31:04,008 --> 01:31:06,977
No, no, no. I handle this alone.

1339
01:31:16,955 --> 01:31:18,752
Hello! Let's go.

1340
01:31:37,075 --> 01:31:39,543
Go. Go, go, go.

1341
01:32:04,636 --> 01:32:09,073
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,
here are your Israeli Blue Stars...</i>

1342
01:32:09,240 --> 01:32:13,404
<i>... and your Lebanese Trees!</i>

1343
01:32:25,089 --> 01:32:27,319
Fizzy Bubblech.

1344
01:32:39,904 --> 01:32:42,395
What's with the cheers!
Wasn't that guy a terrorist!

1345
01:32:42,574 --> 01:32:45,065
Yeah, people used to boo
you too, John, you remember!

1346
01:32:45,243 --> 01:32:46,767
I wasn't a terrorist.

1347
01:32:46,945 --> 01:32:49,209
You were pretty bad.

1348
01:32:51,216 --> 01:32:55,175
I brought this great event
to New York to tell the world...

1349
01:32:55,353 --> 01:32:57,321
...that New York City...

1350
01:32:57,489 --> 01:33:01,721
...loves its foreign immigrant-types
from the Middle East.

1351
01:33:02,861 --> 01:33:07,594
My hot girlfriend and I
know that we can all get along...

1352
01:33:07,765 --> 01:33:13,226
...whether you're white, or brown,
or khaki, whatever that color is.

1353
01:33:13,404 --> 01:33:17,738
And here to sing
the American national anthem...

1354
01:33:17,909 --> 01:33:20,377
...a superstar we all love:

1355
01:33:20,545 --> 01:33:22,775
Mariah Carey!

1356
01:33:49,140 --> 01:33:50,664
<i>Goal!</i>

1357
01:33:50,842 --> 01:33:53,106
<i>And disco break!</i>

1358
01:34:08,293 --> 01:34:11,626
<i>Disco, disco, good, good!
Disco, disco, good, good!</i>

1359
01:34:11,796 --> 01:34:15,664
<i>Disco, disco, good, good!
Disco, disco, good, good!</i>

1360
01:34:17,869 --> 01:34:19,666
Okay, Mariah. Couple more.

1361
01:34:19,837 --> 01:34:22,635
This one's from Sheik Fayalah
of Lebanon.

1362
01:34:22,807 --> 01:34:25,298
He wants you to write
"All I want for Ramadan is you."

1363
01:34:25,476 --> 01:34:26,636
Okay, this again!

1364
01:34:26,811 --> 01:34:27,971
- I know.
- All right.

1365
01:34:28,146 --> 01:34:30,171
MC, there's a Mr. Phantom
here to see you.

1366
01:34:30,348 --> 01:34:32,475
Who's Phantom,
a dude trying to be a rapper!

1367
01:34:32,650 --> 01:34:35,710
- Because I don't know who that is.
- He says he's a killing machine.

1368
01:34:36,454 --> 01:34:38,149
Whatever. Okay.

1369
01:34:40,458 --> 01:34:42,722
Miss Mariah Carey.

1370
01:34:44,062 --> 01:34:47,031
It is a pleasure to meet you.

1371
01:34:47,198 --> 01:34:50,759
Thank you. Nice to meet you.
Hi, how are you!

1372
01:34:50,935 --> 01:34:54,393
Miss Carey, your high notes
are so beautiful...

1373
01:34:54,572 --> 01:34:58,975
...like a Scud missile
soaring towards its target.

1374
01:34:59,677 --> 01:35:01,975
- Thank you. That's really nice.
- Thank you.

1375
01:35:02,146 --> 01:35:03,841
So you know I'm not dead.

1376
01:35:05,483 --> 01:35:07,713
Oh, I sorry I startle.

1377
01:35:07,885 --> 01:35:11,753
I was not startle. I saw a bee.

1378
01:35:11,923 --> 01:35:14,391
There's a bee! I'm allergic.
It's not even funny.

1379
01:35:14,559 --> 01:35:17,050
No, no, no. Look.
The bee is gone. He's gone.

1380
01:35:17,228 --> 01:35:19,492
Mariah, believe me, there's no bee.

1381
01:35:19,664 --> 01:35:21,529
I'm allergic. You know I'm allergic.

1382
01:35:21,699 --> 01:35:26,500
No, no, no. The bee... Forget the bee.
The bee is made up, it's fiction.

1383
01:35:26,671 --> 01:35:29,003
It was a black wasp.

1384
01:35:29,173 --> 01:35:31,164
- promising me
that there was no bee here.

1385
01:35:31,342 --> 01:35:33,037
There was no bee. He says the bee...

1386
01:35:33,211 --> 01:35:36,442
...so he can look more like a person
who would not scream like this.

1387
01:35:36,614 --> 01:35:38,912
- Are you sure!
- I promise you.

1388
01:35:39,083 --> 01:35:40,414
I beg your cleavage's pardon.

1389
01:35:40,585 --> 01:35:45,022
We will be out of your bouncy hair
in a jiffy. Is between us.

1390
01:35:45,189 --> 01:35:47,851
I was going to kill you tomorrow...

1391
01:35:48,026 --> 01:35:54,431
...but I guess jackass
can't wait to die for real.

1392
01:35:54,599 --> 01:35:56,260
Do y'all want us to leave!
Because we can go.

1393
01:35:56,434 --> 01:35:58,095
- No, no, no.
- No, no, no.

1394
01:35:58,269 --> 01:36:00,965
- We are not even here.
- Almost done. Give it a few seconds.

1395
01:36:03,041 --> 01:36:05,509
I came here to the States to
stop the fighting...

1396
01:36:05,677 --> 01:36:07,702
...but I guess
this will never end, eh!

1397
01:36:08,813 --> 01:36:12,579
Oh, Zohan does not want
to fight anymore.

1398
01:36:12,750 --> 01:36:14,240
Scared of bees, huh!

1399
01:36:14,419 --> 01:36:17,616
Now I'm afraid of the bees!
I'm afraid of the bees!

1400
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