Woman: You want one with you in it?
No.
- I'm good. - Okay.
J' Clouds so swift, the rain's falling in J'
J' Gonna see a movie called "Gunga Din" J'
J' Pack up your money, pull up your tent, McGuinn J'
J' You ain't a-goin' nowhere J'
J' Ooh-whee, ride me high J'
J' Tomorrow's the day that my bride's a-gonna come J'
J' Ooh-whee, we gonna fly J'
J' Down into the easy chair... J'
Bean dip.
- I got you good. - Jesus Christ.
That was such a good one.
My God.
- Give me a minute. - How was your flight?
It was fine. Come here. How was yours?
- It was good. - Good to see you.
It was good.
- Let's get your bag. - Thanks.
Glad you made an effort. What are you wearing?
I didn't know we were going to a Bar Mitzvah.
It's a Bat Mitzvah.
Um, I'm actually, like...
I'm, like, a few hundred miles away right now.
I jumped on a flight this morning and I'm gonna be gone for the day.
But I'll be back tomorrow, so don't worry about it.
God, dude.
28 shows in 30 days. Have I missed one?
No, no. I'm not burned out.
I just have to-- I just needed to come home for a sec.
Woman: So this is the high school, huh?
It looks like a mental ward.
Hey, do you really-- do you like this car?
Yeah, I like the car. Why?
I don't know. It's just-- that didn't sound very convincing.
- Woman: No, baby, I like the-- - 'Cause I loved my other car.
- What are you looking for? - Do you have any gum?
Wait-- wait a minute. I got--
- What do you-- gum? It's right here. - Yeah.
Okay.
Thanks for coming with me.
Well, I'm excited to meet everybody.
Finally get some dirt on you.
- You want some? - No. I really don't want that.
- Have it. Have it. - That's really gross.
Woman on P.A.: Boarding all rows for flight...
Hey, where-- where's Emily?
She had to work at the hospital this weekend. She can't come.
What? That frickin' sucks.
What, are you gonna cry about it?
I'm disappointed.
I'm not disappointed. It's the two of us. It's gonna be great.
- No, I know-- - It's like old times.
Just you and me, ese.
Okay, "paPl"
Okay, "Cholo." What, are you cultivating a new reunion personality?
People say "ese." People say ese all the time.
Okay. Yes, Jason.
Listen, man. I gotta-- I gotta go.
We just passed it--
Aw--!
My God.
- What's up, man?
Damn, you got fat, sucker.
I got fat? What, did you eat one of your kids?
- I'm sexy. Hi, honey. - What-- hi.
- How you doing? - Good to see you again.
- Welcome home. Come in. - Sure.
Man: You guys.
Hey, look who's here.
- Hi! -Woman: Hi!
Jake: Samantha.
Jess: It's so good to see you again.
So good to see--
That is a cute sweater vest.
- They're in matching sweaters. - Jake: Just like his daddy.
- They're in matching sweaters. - What up, Sammy?
I'm so happy to see you.
Too bad you didn't come with a shotgun.
- I'm so happy you guys are here. - I'd blow my brains out.
Come on. All right, all right. Enough about the kid.
- Come check this out. - Samantha: Go say hi--
Hi, darling. - Samantha: Lilly, say hi to Aunt Jess.
Yeah, that's the other one.
It's cool. You don't have to--
- Lilly, baby. - It's all right.
She don't care, you don't care. She's not gonna remember.
Okay.
Okay, okay. Shh.
There he is.
- Is that you, buddy? - Jake?
- Man, how are you? Good? - Long time no see.
- Hi, I'm Jess. - Scott.
Scott? Nice to meet you.
- Suki. - Suki, nice to meet you. --
- you're the one that lives in Japan. - Yes.
No. Not from me, man.
I see you every day. I got you on Google Alert.
- Yeah? - Is that weird?
- That's totally weird, dude. - Is it weird?
Naw, it's not weird. My mom's got me on Google Alert.
My God. We've been trying to get out there for so long.
It just-- I don't know, hasn't happened.
Aw, don't worry about it. You got time.
- You got time. I'm not going anywhere. - Is it amazing?
Jake: Don't worry about it. I don't come back, either,
and I live in driving distance.
- Ladies first. - Thank you.
Jake: Wait a minute. Is that who I think it is out there?
My God. Look who it is.
- Marty: Aw, Jacob. - What is going on?
- Hey, look who's here. Look who's here. - Jake: You're in trouble right here.
Dude, things must be going great, man. You look fantastic.
Um, can I say I can't complain without sounding like I'm bragging?
-- 'Cause I can't complain.
How long did it take you guys to drive in?
About an hour, hour and a half. There was a little bit of traffic.
Marty: Hour and a half. That's not nearly enough.
You gotta get away from here, Jake.
You gotta run away and not look back.
You're better than that is what I'm trying to say.
Cully, really? What is in here?
- Nut up, bro. - This is straight vodka.
No, there's a little bit of soda in it.
You're gonna have so much fun at Grandma and Grandpa's.
Yes, you are.
Mommy's gonna have a night without you.
She loves you, but she needs to be with some adults, doesn't she?
Hey, hey, guys. We got an idea.
Is there any way we can sneak some of this booze in?
Isn't there-- there's an open bar, right?
I know that. It's the principle of the thing.
Yeah, we did it in high school for like, every event.
Why would we not do it now? 'Cause we're too "mature"?
- We're adults? - Exactly.
Hey, do you have any flasks?
'Cause I feel like we're each gonna need one.
I can't find anything with a lid. How you doing?
- Nothing. - I'm sorry, you guys.
I got two kids and a wife who doesn't let me drink in public anymore.
- Shocking. - I made an exception for tonight,
which I'm beginning to think was a mistake.
I found this, but I need something small enough to fit down my pants comfortably.
Samantha: Are you touching yourself in front of my children?
Marty: I'm not doing it sexually.
What's your kid got over there?
- Could we get a ride? - It's good.
My mom dropped us off.
Wow, so ninth grade of you.
I actually haven't driven a car since I moved to Tokyo.
Yeah, I don't own a car.
That's what happens when you live in an actual city.
I live in New York City, Snooki.
- Great. Then you can drive. - How does that make sense?
Hey, no, no, no, no. Don't leave.
God damn it.
I thought we were gonna go together.
Sam and I just gotta drop the kids off with her mom.
It's only gonna be a minute. They live like, two miles away.
Mom.
She's coming. Mommy's coming. You're a big boy.
Hey, listen. You don't have to pretend to like my kids.
So cute. No, man. It's completely genuine.
- Come on, Bubba. I know. - He's awesome.
I'm not saying I don't think they're cool. They're super cool.
I love the shit out of 'em. But it doesn't mean you have to.
You know what I mean? So, where'd you park?
I took a cab.
CD playing: J' You can't say "pfft" on the radio J'
J' You can't say "pfft" on the radio... J'
Can we turn this off, please, honey?
Did you not put the night light in here?
Pfft, pfrt, Pf"-
- Cully: Please turn this off. - Samantha: Shoot.
My mother still doesn't have one. Reeves, I think we have your CD in here.
- I know he listens to it all the time. - Reeves: God, no. Please, no.
Bro, we're listening to your CD.
Pfft, 0h!
I'm playing it right now.
- No, please don't. - Come on, man.
- Don't. No, no, no, no, no. - I wanna listen to it with you.
I don't wanna hear that shit. Come on.
You're gonna cause a commotion at this thing tonight.
- You know that? - Yeah.
I wasn't gonna come, man. I had no intention of coming.
-- I just...
you know, I got the itch.
Yeah, dude. I know exactly what you mean.
I actually got a lot of work to do tonight.
Work to do?
Yeah, I don't know how well you remember this,
but apparently I guess I was kind of an asshole in high school.
"Kind of an asshole," honey?
I loved you guys, but kinda hated you, didn't I?
- Got the night light? - Yes.
- Awesome. - I-- aw, I forgot his poo-poo.
God damn it. Honey, we gotta go.
His "poo-poo"?
It's his blankie. Yeah.
You gonna get your poo-poo, buddy?
- Reeves: That's hilarious. - Yeah.
Cully: This is gonna be good. It's gonna be good.
I'm gonna apologize to some people tonight and I'm gonna mean it.
So who you going for tonight?
What do you mean?
What do you mean, what do I mean?
You're like, a single, handsome, interesting, funny guy.
You'd be the belle of the ball tonight.
You can choose anybody you want. Who you gonna go for?
You sound a little jealous up there, brother.
- Yeah, right? - I am jealous.
I am-- for once, I'm actually jealous of this asshole.
Yeah. It must be such a burden having to go home
to your awesome doctor wife every night. I'm so sorry, AJ.
- Marty... - wen-paying 10b,
- your four-bedroom house. - Marty...
- What a nightmare. - Answer the question.
- I don't know.
- Come on. - I haven't given it much thought.
- Come on-- I'm a married man. - Exactly.
I've been having sex with my eyes closed for the last three years.
I gotta live vicariously through you. It's a hypothetical question.
If you could hook up with any girl you went to high school with,
- who would you choose? - I don't know. Anna, probably.
- Anna? Anna? - Maybe, I don't know if she's single.
- She's probably not single. - That's a great choice.
That is a great choice. That is a very good choice.
No, no, no. It's a good choice.
Marty: What are you saying back there?
Marty: I just prefer Ralph Macchio. I don't know why that's a bad thing.
Jake: $20 says he says something about beating me.
Well, your little Volvo
did not pass the American test.
Rental car, too. Didn't even try.
- I'm not even-- I'm not doing it. - Marty: All right, Mario Andretti.
- I'm not doing it. - He'll never stop giving you shit, man.
- Good to see you. - Good to see you, too, man.
It's good to see everybody, man.
God, everyone came back. Is Mary coming?
No, I don't think so.
I think Sam said she got an e-mail from her saying she wasn't gonna make it.
Well.
What if she did make it? Would you still have brought Jess?
- Yeah. Why-- - You sure?
Why wouldn't I?
- Don't-- don't give me that. - Scott: It's a fair question, bro.
One, two, three.
- Jess: Look at this place. - Photographer: Complimentary photo?
- Marty: Yes. - Jake:
- Photographer: Right over here, guys. - Jess: Yeah, you boys go ahead.
No, no, no. It's your school. Go ahead.
Scott: All right, let's do it. Just the guys.
Why are you so excited for this photograph?
Right here, guys.
Photographer: Three, two, one.
- Jess: Hi. - Julie: Hi. Welcome. Good to see you.
Come over here. The name tags are right over here.
So glad you guys made it.
Everybody's upstairs for a drink, so after you get a name tag, go up there--
- Dude. - Yeah, hi! Nice to see you.
- Grab a drink upstairs, okay? - You mean-- what do you want?
Okay. She's busy.
I get the night off of name duty.
What's-- what is that?
Jake: I panic every time I go to introduce her to somebody.
- I forget their name. - So I introduce myself.
I'm like, "Hi, I'm Jess. You are?"
Yeah, so the two of you guys have it all figured out. I love that.
She's got it all figured out. She just takes care of me.
We're gonna get drinks. We'll see you in there.
- Okay. - I'm so going.
I can't stop looking at her boobs.
Okay, so whatever you need tonight, I am your wingman.
- You're gonna be my wingman? - Yeah.
Please don't do that. You're the worst--
I love you, but you're the worst wingman.
What are you talking about? I'm the best wingman.
Yeah, you really hooked it up with Julie.
- I'm the best wingman in the world. - See, the worst wingman in the world
always says they're the best wingman in the world.
- But I'm the best, though. - Yeah, that's my point.
- So you ready for this? - We'll see.
How about some shots?
I love you.
Marty: Dude, that wasn't on purpose. That wasn't part of the game.
Okay, how was I supposed to know she was pregnant?
How were you supposed to know she was pregnant?
Second of all, I'm the one who came off badly
- and you came off really well. - Yeah, but you just came off, like--
That was good wingmanship.
No, I came off like I have racist, weird friends who say things like,
"Of course you're pregnant. You're a Latina."
You're not your friends, though. You're not your friends.
Wait, wait. Stay in the shadows.
I'm so glad you're here.
Yo, what's up?
Went ahead and made your name tag for you.
- Ooh, okay. - Let's stick it.
Maybe. Okay, yeah.
Be“
...serious. That was-- sorry, that one wasn't good.
- Can we do it again, please? - Julie: Welcome, welcome. Come in.
Look at Reeves. It's happening already.
- Could I get some singles, please? - Julie: Everybody grab a name tag.
Hey, Reeves, man. I gotta borrow you forjust one second.
Okay? He'll be right back.
No, he won't. Don't follow him.
J' I-l I-l I-l I... I
J' I stay fly till the day that I die J'
J' I got my stunners on wide J'
J' Just to cover my... J'
Can we get two shots of tequila and two Stellas, please?
Jake?
- Hey, man. - My God.
- How you doing? - Good. What's going on, man?
- This is Jess. - Hi, this is my wife Olivia.
- Hi. - Hi, How are you doing?
- Jake, nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
Can you believe this?
What are you doing?
- Garrity? - Cully.
Dude. My God, look at you. You look all normal and shit.
You look like a frickin' J.Crew ad over here.
Look at this guy.
Jake: You got, like, a Jude Law thing happening.
You do. You lookjust like Jude Law.
- Olivia: As opposed to what? - Yeah.
Olivia: Who did you used to look like?
What's your name again?
- Peter. - Peter.
I was a dick to you back in high school, wasn't I?
- Peter: What are you-- - Cully: Let me buy his drink.
- No, it's-- it's an open bar. - Is it? Double vodka, no mixers.
Here, take your tip back.
- I'll leave a tip for you. - I-i-it's fine.
Complimentary photo?
Sure.
You want anybody in it with you?
No. It's okay.
I can't believe they chose this hotel. It's perfect.
- Hey. - Hey.
'my
- You look amazing! - Look how skinny you are!
Hi, can I get my picture taken with you too?
- Yep. Mm-Okay. - Thank you so much.
Ahem.
- Gorgeous. Let's take a photo. - Come here. Come on.
Do you mind if we do it again? I think I blinked.
Yeah, I think I did, too.
Let's get this jag poppin'.
G-Money.
Get low, baby. Come on, get in here.
Wha!
- What's up, man? - This is Andre.
- This is one of my oldest friends. - How you doing'?
- Hi. - This is my wife Olivia.
- Hi. - This is your wife?
Yeah, we're-- we're married.
You married a white girl, for real?
You--
Wow. That's crazy.
- He's, -- - Yeah.
This is so amazing.
Well, it should be. I've been looking forward to this for a very long time.
So have I.
- Mortgage broker, huh? - Mortgage-- yes.
I'm sorry. No, I'm sure you're awesome at it.
- I just-- - Really?
I didn't see it coming. I'm not gonna lie. I--
- I feel good about that now. - Watch it, man.
What is this? What's that?
This is, -- this is Julie's.
Yeah. You stole it from her?
Nick: I just thought it'd be more fun
if I just filmed all of us getting wasted tonight.
- Done. More shots? - That'd be really funny.
- Yes. - Done.
They're not all for me. They're for everybody.
- My God. - My God.
- My God. How are you?
- So good. - Now the party can start.
You heard it, everybody.
Now the party can start.
- Cheers! - Cheers!
I miss you so much, Cully.
I can't do this.
I just thought you were really into rap music.
Yeah, well, I was. I still am.
No, I know. But I thought that meant
you liked Coolio and stuff.
I didn't know that meant you thought you were black.
So, you guys come with boyfriends
or you married or...
I'm married.
Who-- who'd you marry?
You've seen the commercials?
J' Calling Ford, calling Ford... J'
You married Cully?
Dude, dude, look. There she is.
There's Anna.
God, she looks good, doesn't she?
Yeah, she looks really glamorous.
Anna: Let me help you with that.
Marty: Is she gonna--
- We'll-- we'll work up to it. - Yeah, okay.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.
- Okay. - Man: Where's she going?
I'll be right back.
She probably won't come back. I think you scared her off.
Good job. You scared her off.
She might not come back.
Man: So, is this getting serious or what?
Yeah, of course it's getting serious. We've been together for, like,
three and a half years.
Nick: So, it's serious?
I would say it's serious, yes.
How black... did you act?
Did I act? Like on a scale from one to 10?
Like on a scale from white to black?
I'd say, like, a...
a dark gray.
No, no, no, no, no. What are you doing with my camera?
Okay, hi, yeah. No, we need to put the camera back right now.
- Vanillo, I'm serious. Just-- - But I'm gonna get everybody.
Yeah, right, you will get everybody.
- Just put it back. It's just perfect. - I'm gonna put it back.
- I set up perfectly. - I'll put it back.
- Okay, thank you. - After I do this.
No, Vanillo!
I got a baby girl. You wanna see a picture?
Yeah, I do.
She's a beauty.
- She is beautiful. - There she is.
Wait a minute. You don't have any babies.
- A boat? You have a boat? - Yeah, I told you about the boat.
- Do you have any-- - You didn't tell me--
- I don't have any boats, no. - Kids.
Does he have any kids? Look at the guy.
He's like the king of New York City.
He's out dining on Wall Street, sleeping with models and stuff.
Tell her. Tell her about the models.
Being genuine is not something
that comes easily for me as far as an emotion.
I want to make sure that my "genuinity"
is expressing itself clearly to you.
Sure. And it's so good to see you.
Sam: So good to see you.
It's been-- I'm gonna come by the dealership.
- Good to see you, Peter. - I just-- my friends are--
Jackpot. Look at that table.
No, no, no, no, no. Come back. Come back.
Let them do their thing. Let them talk.
Look at them.
I have so much work to do to that table.
I know. I know you do. Just don't be too aggressive, you know?
'Cause then it gets a little assholey.
Well, nice catching up with you, Elise.
My God. This is what I mean.
This is why you're the worst wingman in the world.
Come on, man. I was trying to create demand.
- What? - It's called salesmanship.
- What? - If she knows that you've been
with other high-quality women, she's gonna be like,
"Maybe I can be one of those high-quality women."
Do you really believe what you're saying?
- Makes a lot of sense. - That makes sense, not what you did.
You showed her photos of your goddamn boat. Who does that?
She was asking to see baby pictures. I was--
Yeah, which is when normal people say, "I'm so sorry.
I don't have any babies with my wife yet to take pictures of."
It's a conversation killer. It's a conversation killer.
No, no, no. You wearing a captain's hat
standing next to a little grounded boat--
that's a real conversation killer.
- What are you doing? - What are you doing?
- You left me out there for, like,
I don't even know how long, all by myself.
I've been in here two minutes.
- Yeah, two minutes is too long. - Stop.
All your friends are out there.
I don't care about them. I care about being with you.
Aw.
But Cully did ask
if I could go out to the car with him and Dre.
That's what this is about.
Go ahead.
- I can go? - Yeah.
- You wanna come? - No.
I'm gonna hang out with Sam.
- No, just come on-- - But you can't have more than two puffs
because you're a lightweight, remember?
- Is that what I am? - Don't--
- Really? - Yes, don't you remember?
Why are you looking at me?
I love looking at you.
Could look at you forever.
That's sweet.
You need to go. I love you.
- Nobody in here. - No, baby.
Someone's gonna come in here. Someone's gonna come in.
I love you, leave.
I gotta do my makeup.
One puff, lightweight. Don't forget.
Jake: Dre, you're a lifesaver with this stuff.
Dre: No, I got glaucoma, dude. So I got a cause.
I can't handle any more two-minute conversations, man.
At least you only got a two-minute conversation from Todd.
I got a 20-minute conversation from his wife, Lauren.
Jake: Well, at least you're talking about something interesting.
I gotta talk about mortgages
and default loans and all this bullshit.
I still can't believe that he's a mortgage broker.
You'd have had a job like this, too,
if you weren't so damn good at something.
You know what I'm good at? Two-minute conversations.
- I'm the king of them. - Then tell me how to get out of them.
You just got to tell them you gotta go to the bathroom, dude.
I've gone to the bathroom like, 12 times today.
I'm sure Sam really appreciates that.
She's a big girl.
- Kinda. - Jake: Are you saying she's a big girl?
Cully: She was in high school.
Sam. I don't know how she deals with you sometimes, man.
- I love you, though. - You know what, dude?
You just-- none of you guys know shit.
You're not married.
Cully: You know what? Marry Jess. Then we'll talk.
Are you-- you want me to marry Jess? Is that what you're saying?
Cully: Yeah, marry Jess, dude. You'll know my pain then.
Dre: Don't do it. Don't do this.
It's okay. All right. Open the glove box.
Grab that envelope right there.
Hey, Cully. Look at this.
What is it?
Dre: Shit.
- What? - Jake: Yep.
- Reeves: Wow. - Whoa.
- Cully: When'd you get that? - Bought it like, eight months ago.
You bought it eight months ago and you never told me about it?
No, well, I'm gonna tell you. I gotta tell her first.
But, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna do it.
It just hasn't quite been-- just hasn't been quite right.
You'd leave it in an envelope?
Yeah, it's better than a ring box.
And, like, so she can find it and say, "I wonder what's in the ring box."
- Well, why haven't you given it to her? - Boom.
I tri-- I mean, I've planned a few things
and they just weren't exactly right.
Women don't care how you ask them.
All they care is that you're stupid enough to ask them.
All they want is the ring.
I know people, man. That's what I do.
I don't sing, I don't sell cars,
I don't do what you do.
That's how I eat.
- It's why you eat? - That's how I eat.
What does that mean?
I don't think you know people as good as you think you know people.
It's what I do, all right?
Just-- it sounds like you put a lot of pressure on yourself, too,
to make it super perfect. I mean, you gotta be open to spontaneity, too, man.
I mean, if you're ready to do it, just pull the trigger, you know?
I mean, you've built a real solid foundation.
You've got the job, you got the nice car--
- I don't know about the car. - Yeah, dude.
I think it's a very adult car.
- Dre: I think it's very nice. - Reeves: I do, too.
I think it sucks, dude.
- Jake: That's good. - Dre: Trick Daddy had a Volvo, man.
- These are nice cars. - Cully: I put him in this Volvo.
- Reeves: They're very safe. - Cully: They're very safe.
That's a good point. That is a good point, Reeves.
Dre: The back seat is nice.
- Cully: You don't drive a Volvo. - Dre: This is nice. My grandmother
- would be proud of it. - If Ford owns Volvo, it's a good car.
"Consumer Reports" number one every single year.
I'm fried, dude.
- Look who it is. - Cully: Holy shit.
- I thought she wasn't coming. - Dre: Shit.
Dre: Yo, who is that she's with?
When's the last time you spoke to her?
Like eight years ago.
Did you tell Jess about her?
Yeah, of course I told Jess about her.
This is gonna get weird.
Yep.
How we doing here? Did you get enough to eat?
If I wanted to be in a boy band, I woulda been in a boy band.
I woulda started my own.
We would've been bigger than NSync.
It looked like she waved at you. Was she like, one of your... shorties?
You're in real estate, I'm in real estate.
- What? - What?
Fingerlings.
Fingerlingin' good.
Finger lickin' good. Joke.
Do you mind if I sit here?
Hey. Hey.
- Hey. - How's it going?
- Good. - Did you see Marty yet?
- He's-- - I haven't. Is he here?
He's somewhere. He's around somewhere.
- He was looking for you. - Wow.
J' Futures made of J'
- J' Virtual insanity... J' - Hi!
Julie. Be prepared.
Julie. Okay.
- My gosh, Mary. - Hi.
- I am so glad you guys made it. - Okay.
Good luck, okay?
You got some nuts on you.
- Jess: Hey. - Hi.
- Hey. - Hi.
I am-- I know we took a long time and I apologize.
- It's okay. - It was Cully.
He had to go to the bathroom really bad.
Baby, it's fine. I've just been over there
talking to Sam, who is really, really, really cool.
- Like, I love her. - I know. Tim's--
Love her. And then this really weird guy came up
who was like, tall, he's skinny, he's really annoying,
with like, crazy weird hair.
- Was he touching you at all? - No.
- You sure? - No, he wasn't.
But he was driving me crazy.
Shit. --
- Hi. - How are you?
- Hi-- I'm sorry, that was-- - Mary: Sorry. Yeah, no. Of course.
I apologize. I went right in.
- No. Hi. - I-- I--
Hi-- hey.
- Hi, I'm Jess. Hi. - This is Jess.
- Hi. - Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too. Mary, sorry.
- Okay. Of course. - Paul.
- Paul? - The husband.
- This is Jess. - I'm Jess.
Are you a classmate as well?
No, no. I'm his girlfriend.
I'm just here, supporting, having fun.
Jake, that's a pretty cool name.
- Mary: Yeah. - Thank you.
- Paul: I like that name. - All right.
Mary: Four-letter word.
- Aren't you glad we came? - I am glad.
I mean, I was really worried that-- but you've seen so many people...
Hi, sorry. Is this-- is this seat taken?
- No. - No? Okay.
I'm just gonna join you guys.
- Lauren: Hi. - Hi.
That's for you.
What's this for?
I owe you three bucks.
- You do? - Yeah.
Mr. Ferguson's physics class.
Junior year we went to the planetarium, you remember?
No.
I don't remember anything, really,
about junior year, though, so...
Well, you let me borrow some money, so I thought I'd pay you back.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- It's nice to see you. - Nice to see you.
It's nice to see you.
Thanks.
You're actually the reason that I switched to the tuba.
Really?
Um... I'm honored?
You shouldn't be.
I switched to the tuba because it was too big to take home from school
so I didn't have to carry it on the bus to and from school,
which meant that I didn't have an instrument at the bus stop,
which meant that you forgot that I was in band,
which meant that you finally left me alone.
I owe you...
and you, and you, and you,
and you...
and you an apology. Each and every single one of you--
- Okay, okay. - from the bottom of my heart.
Yeah, okay, okay. You've apologized enough
for everybody, to everybody.
Does everybody accept my apology, though?
'Cause that's the thing that is so important to me.
Yes.
They're all accepting it, babe. You did good.
Really?
- We were known as the Smash Crew. - Olivia: Mm-
When we weren't smashin', we were sleeping.
And we always went to sleep after we smashed.
No cuddling. Tell her about it, baby.
- Garrity: Smashing was dancing. - Boom, yeah. That's what they call it.
- Look, I-- cheers. - Andre's kidding. It's like dancing.
No, it's funny. I think it's funny.
I married a former wigger and I had no idea.
It's hilarious.
Yeah, you might wanna "achay" on the "worday," you know?
"The worday"? What word?
Wigger?
- Yep, that one.
I think, it's kind of offensive.
- Is it? - Dre: Who's offended? We ain't.
- Man: Not at all. - They're not offended.
- Dre: Boom. - I know, but it's two words
squished into one word, and the one word would be offensive.
Dre: Ooh-whee, time-out. Twenty seconds.
Excuse me, ladies. Where are you guys sitting?
I don't know. You got a spot for us?
I have a gentleman here who's willing to open up two seats for you.
- Yay. - Ladies. Please sit down.
- Would you like to be our guest? - Have a seat. Have a seat.
All right.
Wait. Wait. Time-out.
Switch.
- Woman: Are you kidding me? - What?
- Ouch. - What?
You coulda just said you wanted to see--
Dre: I just wanted to see you across the table.
- Huh. - Sit down, girl.
- Well, hello. - How you doin'?
- Good, how are you? - Mm.
- Mmmmm. - Can I call you Snuggie?
Sure.
- You want a beer? - I'll get it.
- You sure? - You okay?
- I'm good, thank you. - Paul: Honey?
- I'll just do water now. - Water.
Yeah.
- I'm sorry. What? - Yes, I'm drinking water.
Yes, sorry. I lost the coin toss. Designated driver.
Sam: Jess, you have to come look at this baby's face.
- You're gonna die. - I'm gonna go over there.
- I'll be back. - All right.
Honey, look at this baby. Look at that face.
Woman: She is too much.
My God.
Seriously, why don't you just stay here?
No, we live-- we're just 45 minutes out of town.
It's not that bad. It's so nice to... sleep in your own bed.
It makes me happy.
I'm really kind of shocked.
I didn't think you were gonna show.
- Sam said you weren't coming. - I wasn't, actually.
These things can kinda--
he convinced me last minute to come by.
I think he's right. I would've regretted it more--
- Convinced you. - ...had I not come.
It's really good to see you.
- You, too. - Yeah, I tried to find you online.
- Come on. - There's a lot of Jake Staffords.
I'm just saying. Shocking.
You know I can't do any of that at all.
- I'm technologically ignorant. - Yeah.
I don't have any of those things, either, but I really--
No, I know. I know.
I looked. You're not there, either.
You're married, man.
- That's a-- - Yeah.
Well...
- Thank you. - Sure.
- Thank you, sir. Appreciate it. - Cheers.
Look who finally decided to show up.
- I know. - Looks so awkward.
It really is.
I'm so glad I never dated anyone who went to our high school.
I could never handle that.
- No? -Mmm.
Weren't you seeing someone that whole year we had physics together?
Mmmmm. Randie Rustenberg.
- Where is she? - She's in Bolivia.
- She... - Wow.
Yeah, she's a Jew for Jesus now. She's down there doing missionary work.
- She seemed so punk rock. - Yeah, she was.
I think that...
you date who you're supposed to like in high school.
Not who you actually like.
- Did you like your boyfriend? - I loved my boyfriend.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Even after he moved to Austin?
Woman: Ahem--
- Hello. - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.
- How you doing? - Good.
I just had to come and tell you that "Never Had"
is one of my top ten favorite songs.
Wow, thank you very much. Thanks.
- Yeah. - Nice to meet you.
Most favorite song ever.
Well. Let's not go crazy. All right.
So how did you remember that he had moved to Austin?
I don't know. Do you have a cigarette?
- Yeah, I do. - I'm not just saying that
- because we were classmates. - No. Don't worry. I believe you.
Can we smoke that? Yeah, okay.
- Bye. - Nice to see you again.
- Yeah, bye. - All right, bye.
- He wanted to date me and I-- - Nick: You were dating somebody
- you were cooking with. - That's not the way it was.
- That's what you were doing. - He wanted to date me
- and I was with somebody already. - And what happened?
She left her purse over here.
She was here?
Yeah, well, you were sitting at the buffet and--
What? Okay, did she say anything about being single?
- Why wouldn't you tell me that? - Well, she didn't have a ring
on her finger.
You looked at her finger? You're a married man.
- You looked at her finger. - I did a ring check, I mean--
A ring check. Is that something guys do?
You check-- you always check the ring, right, Scotty?
Um, you know, I don't-- I don't really--
- I don't-- yeah, I checked. - What?
- Yeah, I checked. - Is this a thing--
Well, it's Anna. I went pretty hard after her in high school, so I just--
- I was curious. - Okay, I gotta go talk to her.
- I gotta go make a move. - Let's get her over here.
- We can ask questions. - No, no, no.
- No, no, no, it'd be good. - No, no, no, don't do that.
I'm gonna have one more drink like a gentleman.
- I'm gonna walk over there-- - Let's get her over here.
- I think you're on the wrong page-- - Let's get her over here.
- Anna. Anna. - You're an asshole.
What are you doing? You forgot your purse.
- You're crazy. Get over here. - What an asshole.
You know Marty. You remember my friend Marty.
- Don't say it to me like I'm retarded. - You forgot your--
Marty: In your falsetto, condescending voice.
Get over here. You remember my little friend Marty.
- Reeves: Wow. - Elise: You're in luck.
- I don't even smoke. - What? You used to smoke like a chimney
- in high school. - I know. I quit.
I don't even remember the last time I bought a pack.
Well, Why'd you buy that one?
I don't know. I woke up this morning and suddenly had the urge.
- No, no, thanks. - Are you kidding me?
You just asked me if I had one.
Yes, because I wanted to get out of there and I knew that you smoked.
- I don't smoke. - No?
Mm-mm.
Come on.
- Just take one. - Just be a bad influence, now.
Loser, everybody's doing it.
I've-- honestly, I've never had a cigarette in my entire life.
How is that even possible?
Aren't you supposed to be like, this rock star?
I'm not a rock star. I'm just a musician.
Traveling minstrel.
Nice.
So where's the Austin guy?
Huh?
- Where's he at? - I don't know.
- We haven't spoken in years. - I'm sorry.
It's okay. It's in the past.
And what about the present?
- What about the present? - Do you have a boyfriend?
Huh.
- Long distance again? - No, actually. Same city.
Well, where is he?
He's in Chicago at a partners' meeting.
He's a partner. He's a lawyer.
- Mm-Yeah. - Wow.
- Older? - Yeah.
- How much older? - Older.
Okay -
How'd you meet?
L-- I sold his house.
Okay, let me guess. He's divorced?
Okay, he's divorced.
The wife got the kids, he got the house.
But he thought it was too big for him, right?
So he just wanted like, a cooler, smaller bachelor pad in the city,
somewhere in a high-rise?
' Nope. " No?
No, no. His new house is much bigger.
Nick: Those are different.
- Stop. - It's this machine.
Are you getting everybody on that, by the way?
- I'm trying to. - 'Cause I just--
I can't just have it be your clique. I need everybody.
You're right. You're right. And I think there's a lesson in there for me.
Julie: Good.
Anna: Is that his mother's earring?
Look, it looks like a mother-of-pearl.
- He got away with that. Nobody ever-- - I know, right?
Back then it was, like, that's how cool he is.
He could wear, like-- he could dress like a Village Person
and still be cool.
You had this amazing glow in high school.
Yeah. All these pictures. Crazy.
Well, I'd like to think I still have that glow.
- You do, I think. - That's not what I--
- I think you do. - That's not what I meant.
Man. No.
- Yep. - Can we not?
That was senior year.
- That was four days ago. - Look how tiny you were.
Isn't it sad?
I was a tween. I was still a tween.
I remember that day. I got my first pube
and I thought I was turning into a fly-human hybrid
'cause I watched too much science fiction.
- You're so funny. - Well, thanks.
Clearly you had a much better time in high school than I did.
I had a much better time in high school than you did.
In fact, I think I had a much better time in high school than anybody did.
What was the secret?
My mother actually-- she taught me very early on
how to have a very good time.
Wherever she is now, she's probably drunk, having a blast.
Julie: Photo op!
That's why whatever high school taught us,
I'll always remember my very first lesson.
- Cheese. - Yay!
- Can I get a copy of that? - Let me see it.
- Should be one more. - I gotta take this off.
- No, that's beautiful. - And my eyes are a little closed.
- Do you want a hand with that? - Here, I got it. I can get it.
Okay -
- All right. All righty. - Okay.
- So much better. - Julie: Gorgeous.
- Ready? - Julie: All right, guys.
One, two, three.
Julie: Cheese.
Love it!
Can I get a fresh one?
You have a TV out here or just the one back at the bar?
I'm sorry, sir. The TV's actually in the bar.
Okay -
You ain't no Jake, bro.
Hey, honey. Thanks for getting me a drink.
- Is he kidding? - Let me get you a drink.
- No, it's fine. - You sure?
Yeah, no. I just would like my husband to ask me if I'd like a drink.
- It would be a nice gesture. - You're the one that let him drink.
Let him drink? He's a big boy. I'm not his babysitter.
Come on. You know you're his babysitter, so don't even--
- let's go look at pictures. - Why don't you go be his babysitter?
- So I can have a night off. - I think we're gonna--
babe, we're just gonna stay here and have a little girl time.
- Okay. All right. - Love you.
Wait, wait, look. This is Andre.
- That's funny. Yeah. - He's dancing with his sister.
Garrity: My gosh.
My God. Is that you?
Yep, that's me.
Well, there it is.
Garrity: Yep. There it is.
"G-Money."
Garrity: That's my friend, Brock, right there.
And with the "B.U.M. Equipment" is Ross.
- Where'd you go? - Olivia: I'm just...
seeing if I can get any more "G-Money."
Shit.
Why's it feel so long ago?
Huh. Sassy.
Look at that. Was that Christmas?
Mary: Yeah, it was.
And this was prom.
I guess so.
You know, I got my tiara like, two, three weeks later.
Sorry you didn't get to wear it.
I wore it.
It was only in my room, but...
I wore it.
No, sorry.
No.
You don't wanna go over there?
No.
Do you wanna go over there?
I love you.
- Right? - Mm-mm.
No.
I love each and all of you. Thank you for accepting my apology.
Allowing us to be besties again...
for the first time.
- Peter: It's fine. - It is fine. It's great.
It's better than fine. It's awesome.
Because if you didn't accept my apology, I would have to force you to.
But I wouldn't use my fists, 'cause I ain't like that.
- I'd use my tongue. - Sorry.
Cully: Not only that, it wouldn't be violent.
It would be tender.
You would be like my cell mate.
- And I would swallow... - God.
M)! Pride.
Sicko.
Get your little funny-shaped head out of the gutter there, chipmunk.
- What is your problem? - Honey.
What? He knows I'm joking.
He know-- come on, come here. You know I'm kidding, right?
Man: No, no. No, no. Please--
- Come on, hug it out. - Honey--
Cully: I don't think you look like a chipmunk.
I just can't--
Hey, hey, Peter. Hi. I'm sorry that--
thanks for being such a good sport.
L-- you know-- I know he can be a little aggressive and,
you know, he's had one too many drinks.
But he really means well
and he really is such a sweet guy.
And I know it was really important to him to talk to you.
No, no, no. it's-- I'm sorry.
'Cause you must have to say this to a lot of people.
Huh?
L-- I have to go.
Reeves: So, if I want a new house, I should call you.
Whatever. I'm sure you need all sorts of houses
for all those baby mamas and groupies.
Baby mamas?
No, baby mamas get their own baby mama condos,
typically, and the groupies are more of a road thing.
Please, can I see your tour bus?
"Never Had" is, like, the best song of all time.
- Yeah? - Totally. Totes.
- Best song? - Ever.
That song...
I wrote it in like, two hours and it barely made the album.
It's kind of crazy how people like it so much.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Have you never heard the song?
Yeah. What?
I-- I mean, you just have to understand that...
I am in the car all the time 'cause of my job.
- Huh. - And I've got satellite radio,
but I'm more of a talk radio kind of girl.
Huh.
You know what? I bet if I heard it, I would recognize it.
I'm sure. I'm sure if I heard it, I'd know it.
The truth is, I was only distantly aware
that you were a musician.
It's okay. It's all right.
You're just-- you're just telling me that you're not with it.
- Right? - Sorry,
It's all right. Don't apologize.
Hey, I really would love to hear you play.
It's pathetic that I haven't heard you.
It's not. No, it's not. It's not pathetic.
It just means that--
that you're one of the few people here that's talking to me
because of who I was, not because of who I am.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
So...
how many times has he been divorced?
- Twice. - Twice?
Third time's a charm. That's what they say, right?
Neither of us want to get married, so...
You don't want to get married?
No? You don't wanna be someone's wife someday?
You don't wanna be someone's third wife someday?
It's cold. Let's go inside.
Well, well, well. Where have you been all night?
Just taking care of my third child.
Let's just get drunk.
- I can't. I have to drive. - Crap. Sorry.
Mary? Mary?
Wait. This--
- Come here. Hey. - Scott.
- My God. - My goodness.
I heard you weren't gonna be here and then I heard that you were and--
- This is my husband. - Paul: How are you?
- Scott. It's a-- pull up a chair. - Sam: How's your night been?
Great, actually. It's been really trippy
to look through all these photographs
and realize how old we've gotten.
- We're not that old. - Mary: This one's finding out all my
- secrets and tricks and everything. - I feel old.
Anna: No, you definitely didn't ask me to prom, AJ
I would've remembered it. Definitely.
You sure I never asked you? I had to have asked you.
No.
Jason Maclntyre, Mike Brighty,
Gabe Vertz asked me.
You asked me to prom.
But never you, AJ
The carcass is floating in the water already.
Who'd you finally say yes to? You went with a college guy.
I went with a guy who wasn't in our class.
You went with a college guy. So boring.
Anyway, I thought prom was kind of boring.
- Sort of like a waste of time. - No. No, no.
- Prom was awesome. - Marty: I hated prom.
I had the most miserable time, but I don't think it was a waste--
I think that's the point of prom-- to have a miserable time, right?
I went with Jenny Sakamora.
- Remember Jenny Sakamora? - Wow.
Marty: She looked like one of the Sand People in Star Wars.
And the worst breath-- you can't believe this breath.
And she wouldn't kiss me. That was the irony. Wouldn't kiss me all night.
I don't think it was a waste of time. That's kind of the point.
I think it's supposed to be, like, a rite of passage.
I mean, can you imagine not being disappointed at your prom?
Seriously.
Well, I mean-- sorry. You guys excluded.
I'm sure you guys weren't disappointed at prom.
You genetic-- you genetic superhumans.
- Ahem-- - What?
- We didn't go, man. Remember? - Yeah.
My God. My God. I'm so sorry.
Why's he apologizing?
Well, actually, I didn't make it to prom because
that was the first time Dad had a heart attack.
And so we just-- we didn't make it.
We actually spent-- I spent prom in a hospital room with Jake.
Paul:
Dude, we're going to Pretzels.
We're all going to Pretzels. Let's go.
Look. It's my husband, the event coordinator.
- Cully: Let's go! - No.
We're not-- we're not really going to Pretzels, are we?
Cully: Yes, we are! Yes, we are.
How is it possible that I'm not in any of these pictures?
It's like I didn't even go to school with you guys.
Maybe you don't really exist.
I was very camera-shy, maybe.
No, there's one. There's gotta be one somewhere.
I don't know.
Anna. We're doing shots.
One more before Pretzels.
I just need to steal her for one photo.
- Yeah, one photo. - Real quick.
Come back, though. We're gonna be here.
- What the hell are you doing? - What are you talking about?
What do you mean, what am I talking about?
You're flirting with her. All night you've been flirting with her.
Don't be an asshole.
I'm not being an asshole. I just want-- you're married.
You remember, you're married and you have a boat.
I just wanted to make sure you know that.
- I do remember, Marty. - You remember? Good, good, good.
- I just want to make sure you remember. - I especially remember.
What does that mean, "I especially remember"?
It means-- I don't get to--
- I don't get to do this. - What are you talking about?
- Do this? - What do you care?
You sleep with models.
I slept with a model.
Once, okay?
No, I'm saying. I'm just--
- And she was a plus-sized model. - What?
What?
You didn't tell me that.
Whatever, she was a plus-sized model.
- You didn't tell me-- - She was still a model, okay?
She was still a model.
I found you.
You did?
You-- my gosh!
Yes, I did.
Reeves: I love blurred in the background.
I forgot about those yellow shoes.
- You forgot about 'em? - Wow.
- I didn't. - I was obsessed with--
those were the first designer anything I ever bought.
- I wore those all the time. - Yeah, I remember.
I'd wear those in gym class if they let me.
Look at me.
Even there I look like I just can't wait to get out.
- Yeah. - I would've never guessed
that I'd come to something like this ten years later.
How come you did?
- Mmm. - You don't know?
Whoa!
Reeves: My God. Dude.
You coming to Pretzels, you little bitch? Let's go to Pretzels.
- You're going to Pretzels right now? - I was talking to him, not to you.
- Yeah. - Come on. But you can come.
- I'm not calling you a bitch. - Thanks. That's really nice.
- You guys are going right now? - Come on! Pretzels!
Okay. Okay.
You... you wanna come to Pretzels?
Why would I need to feel better about myself?
That's exactly my point. You don't, AJ
You own a frickin' boat, so I don't know what you're doing.
What-- what is wrong with you and the boat?
You're acting like a crazy person.
Yeah. I'm acting like a-- shh. Hey.
You ready to go? A little Pretzels?
I left my fake I.D. at home.
You're gonna need that.
Sorry, guys-
You're not coming?
That doesn't sound like the Anna we remember.
Yeah, the Anna in those pictures would never leave a party early.
- Come on. - The Anna in those pictures
- was the party. - Yeah, right.
Wait. We're good?
You're a big city boy now. Let's see how you do on your own.
Hey, you guys. We're going to Pretzels. You guys going to Pretzels?
Pretzels? Moving on? Pretzels? You guys going to Pretzels?
You guys gotta sign the memory book before you go.
- Qh-- - Just sign it.
- We're gonna miss-- - Nope, you got two seconds.
- Just sign it. You gotta sign it. - Come on, let's sign it.
Cully: Hey, Jake.
Yo, Jake. Let's do it, bro.
-- My God.
Cully: The thing broke.
- Are you all right? - Nope, I'm good.
Get on the couch. Go sit on the couch.
Julie?
- I'm sorry. - Are you all right?
- No, I didn't-- - Go apologize to Julie.
- Are you gonna apologize to her? - Mary: What happened?
Nothing happened other than Sam is actually gonna kill him, I think.
Sam: No, I don't have yourjacket.
Look. I just gotta tell you. I'm happy you decided to come.
Can I tell you something?
You're the only reason I did.
I'll see you at Pretzels.
Okay -
You did an amazing job, Julie.
- Really? You sure? - Don't worry about it.
Ha ha. Scotty P, "Sukiwaba."
Let's go to Pretzels and find some victims.
- Arf, arf, arf. - God.
Pretzels? Yeah.
Pretzels? Bye, Snoopy.
- Bye, Snoops. - Pretzels.
Let's go, baby.
I don't understand why she's leaving already.
She's too fun to be leaving.
Without one of us, you mean.
Would you-- I mean, honestly.
Would you have actually gone home with her?
I just wanted to know I could've...
if I wanted to.
You know?
- Right. - But that's--
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get it.
You okay, pal?
You're right.
I shouldn't have bought the boat.
- It was stupid. I-- - You wanted a boat.
No, I just-- I've taken the boat out one time.
I don't even have access to water where I live. It doesn't--
- Wait, really? - Yeah.
Well, you gave it a shot. I don't know why, but--
I can't even pretend to be a boat guy.
You wanted a boat. Pfft.
Anna: It was so great to see you.
I want that boat.
- You know what we should do? - Huh?
We should follow her home.
That's a little creepy.
Toilet paper her house.
Yeah? You want to?
J' Yeah-- been all around the world J'
J' Come on, Pretzels J'
J' Scotty P is back J'
J' Whoo, Scotty P is back J'
J' Suki, Suki's back J'
J' I came for the party J'
J' To get naughty J'
J' With my dress on J'
J' Eat popcorn, watch you move your body... J'
You wanna do karaoke?
No.
You want a drink?
Okay -
- All right. - Beer.
Okay -
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
- What do you need, guy? - 12 tequila shots.
- What? - 12 tequila shots.
- Honey, give me the debit card. - No.
I am not gonna pay for those shots.
- You're not. I'm gonna pay for them. - No, you're not. It's my debit card.
Let go. Let go.
Frantz: J' There I go, there I go, there I go... J'
I'm so--
Mary: I've told you about Jake. I've told you about my dad.
Come on. Are you kidding me?
There's so much awkwardness that's going on.
Are you gonna pretend like there's not an awkward thing that happens
- at 10-year reunions? - J' Yeah... I
We remember old stuff from the past.
A lot of it, for me, has to do with my dad.
It's not all pleasant, happy memories. It does feel awkward.
. Okay- . Sari'!!-
J' All around the world, same song I
J' All around the world, same song... J'
I'm gonna go check on Cully.
You just-- are you gonna pay for these shots?
Mm-mm. I'll be right back.
Sam: I'm tired.
Do you want a drink? I can get you a beer.
- No, go talk to your friends. - I will, thank you.
I'll see you in a little bit.
J' All around the world, same song... J'
- I love you. - I love you, too.
I'll see you in a little bit.
Do you wanna go outside and have a cigarette?
- Yes. Yes, please. - You do?
Okay, let's go.
It's time to get on the floor. Dre!
Dre, I see you out there, baby. Come on.
- Watch this. - Scott: Get your bootie on the floor.
Listen up. Whoo.
J' It's Scotty P, the freaky deaky J'
J' The squeaky meaky, up and down J'
J' Well, as a matter of fact, I'll be right back, I gotta take a leaky J'
J' So I'm drainin', entertainin', but I got fame J'
J' An' the bases I touch, too much for me tryin' to be namin'... J'
Let's go, ladies.
J' You saw me on cable an' grin I
J' I busted in an' I was goin' to win J'
J' A Clark Gable back in Oakland, it's the same old song... I
Dre: G-Money's in the building!
J' Hypothetical, political, lyrical, like Miracle Whip J'
J' Like butter, my rhymes are legit J'
J' 'Cause I'm the humpty, not Humpty Dumpty... J'
No, I gotta get back to my wife.
Get it in, G. Come on, G.
Cosmic sandwich, cosmic sandwich.
J' Settle down when I come around J'
J' Get some fame, people change, wanna live they life high I
J' Same song, can't go wrong, if I play the nice guy... J'
- Dre: Show 'em what you got, baby! - J' All around the world, same song... J'
- Yeah, G! - J' The same old song J'
Dre: Come on!
J' All around the world, same song I
J' All around the world... I
Dre: Watch this, watch this. He's going in. He's going in.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Watch out!
J' All around the world, same song. J'
That's how we do it at Pretzels.
Keep it up for the rest of the night, baby. Let's do this.
Frantz: G-Money's in the house.
Haven't done that in a while.
What?
That was insane.
That was really, really good.
Yeah. Really?
- Hi. - Hi.
Hi.
I hate that there's always a line for the girls.
I know. It's so unfair.
Men have it way easier.
No. Jake and I used to race each other.
I'm quick.
Now I'm gonna have to be quick, though. Since I said that.
All right.
All right, slow down.
- Kill the lights. - Shit.
- Shit.
No, no, no.
Marty: Why does that house look so familiar?
I feel like we've been here before.
- Really? - Wait a minute.
Dude, that's-- I think that's the house she grew up in.
Yeah.
Well, it's a nice house.
Yeah.
What do we do? We just wait for her to go to bed?
Let's... let's get supplies.
Okay -
Let's get a lot of supplies. I want to paint this house whiter than a--
- A Jimmy Buffet concert? - A Jimmy Buffet concert.
- A Phish show. - F0' sho.
No, a Phish show. Like the band Phish.
Fo' shizo.
I don't know if that was horribly good
or horribly bad or horribly amazing.
- Amazing. - I know she was amazing,
but I'm not sure about you and Frantz.
She's amazing, isn't she? I told you she was amazing.
You're next, Jake. And you're gonna do it with me, too.
- Suki: Yeah, you're next. - Hey, hey.
L-ley-
- Where you been? - Baby, I think I'm gonna go.
- What? No. - Yeah. No, it's fine.
It's totally fine. I'm just really tired.
Okay, okay. All right. Let me just say bye to everybody.
No, no. I want you to stay.
- No, I want him to stay. - We just met you.
- I want you to catch up. - I'm not gonna stay without you.
I swear to God, I'm just really tired.
It's fine. It's totally fine. It's fine.
Just give me one minute. I'm gonna talk to her.
I'm not even gonna say goodbye. 'Cause I'll see you in a minute.
- Marty: Thank you. - Thanks, Case.
You have no idea what we're gonna do with this.
No idea. How are we--
We're gonna be wiping our asses for years.
How are we gonna carry all these?
Shit. That's a good point.
Hey, Casey. Do you sell these in a much bigger package?
Make it easier to carry?
I mean, like a 72-count pack?
No?
Look, if you wanna go, let's just go.
No, I want to go. I don't want you to go.
No, I don't care. I'm not gonna just stay here.
My God. Please let me have the keys.
- No. Why? - Can I have the keys?
- Tell me why. - Why? I'm tired.
- That's it. - But why?
What's-- what is the deal?
Okay -
- What happened? - With what?
Come on.
You know, I know everything about her.
But I don't know why you guys broke up.
You've never told me what happened.
I don't know.
Her dad died.
So she stayed here and I stayed with her.
And I don't-- things got really serious after that.
I don't know. I stayed as long as I could...
till I just couldn't stay anymore.
I just needed to go to college and grow up.
So have you grown up now?
What-- what kind of-- come on. What-- I don't--
I really don't understand. What you want me to say here?
- Okay, let's just go. - I don't want you to go.
- I don't-- - I don't want you to go.
Jake, I don't want you to go.
It's your 10-year reunion.
Just go inside. I'm tired.
Come back when you're ready.
Dre:
Garrity, now that's what I call a rump roast.
Olivia: No, I get down.
Hey. Your girl got a little bit,
but she's shakin' what she's got.
Garrity: She got some moves, doesn't she?
- Dre: Yeah. - They're my new friends.
- Garrity: Have fun. - I'm her new friend.
Olivia: I have new friends.
- You locked down a good one. - Yeah, I know.
Dre: Now me... I'm about to go on a safari.
You're really never gonna settle down, are you?
Nah. I tried already.
Garrity: Yeah? What happened?
Didn't stick.
Olivia: They love me. I'm fun.
Come here, girl. Mmm-mm.
Come on, man. Get in this.
Okay, that was fun. That was fun.
- What are we doing next? - Yeah.
- Suki: Vanilla Ice? - Scott: Ooh, genius. I like that.
- So no go with Jess? - She was tired.
- You all right, man? -Mmmmm.
- What? - Hey, guys.
- What's up? - Look who decides to hang out
- for a second. - Yeah. What's going on?
You're in town for one night.
And we haven't seen you once. What's going on?
- You guilting me? - Maybe a little bit, yeah.
Aww.
- Scott: Who's the girl? - Elise?
Mmhmm. Who's Elise?
What do you mean, "Who's Elise"?
- Reeves: We went to school with her. - Yeah, man.
Physics class. Mr. Ferguson.
Nope, nothing.
What's going on with Mary? How's it going?
Jake: What do you mean, "How's it going"?
Is she how you remember her?
No.
No?
- But no one is, so... - I know.
- It's weird. - It's cool.
- It's cool? - Yeah, I like it.
You're so weird.
Shit.
This one's for the Goo Goo Dolls.
Marty: This one's for Darfur.
It's so soft. I can't wait to use it on my ass later.
Should we use eggs? Should we use eggs? Too much?
- I think we're good for now. - Okay.
- Thanks. - Let's do it at the same time.
- Okay. - Give yourself a little tail.
- It's really nice. - That's a good tail.
How long is your tail?
- See, my tail keeps breaking off. - That's a good tail.
- Okay, you ready? - Fo' sho!
- So much. - There's so much already.
- It's actually kind of beautiful. - It's really beautiful.
- I hope she finds the beauty in it. - I think she will.
Bartender: Get your money out, people. Don't be shy.
- I'm still waiting on that beer, bro. - Get your money out.
I mean, you got the time here.
- Bartender: What do you need? - Man: Yo, what's the holdup?
- Bartender: I see you. - Hey.
Where's-- where's Paul?
Um, early day tomorrow.
- So called it a night. - Mm.
Jer.
- Scott: Jer? - Where's Jess?
Same.
Tired.
She went back to the hotel.
I think they're both tired of our 10-year reunion.
I would be.
- Jen - Mary: They should've shared a cab.
- Jake: That would've been awkward. - There's only one of me.
Excuse me, miss. I'm so sorry.
I'm going in.
- Who wants a drink? - Jerry: What are you doing?
Scott: Baby, you in the weeds. I'm just helping you out, all right?
- Jerry: Everybody pays. Everybody pays. - Yes, sir.
Jerry: Okay. Who's next? Get your money out.
- Beer. - What kind of beer? Bud?
- Bud's fine. - That's fine? Good.
There you go. Barn. Done. Mary, you?
Um, just water.
- You better be driving. - I am driving.
All right, all right. Water it is. You fine, you fine.
Baby, what do you want?
- Jack and Coke. - Jack and Coke? Jack and Coke.
Man, I made some serious drinks while I was over in Japan.
- I'm keeping all the tips. - Amazing drinks.
I'm serious. I'm definitely gonna come visit you.
I promise.
I know I've been saying it, but I'm gonna come before you leave.
- For sure. - All right. I'm gonna hold you to that.
- Wow. - Done.
When are you coming back?
All night long, I get that question.
You know what? You wanna hear a dirty secret?
I might never come back.
This might be the last time anybody ever sees Scotty P in Pretzels.
So you're just gonna leave? You're not gonna come see your family,
- your parents anymore? - Parents are retiring, man.
Both of 'em, this year. So they're contemplating moving over.
- Mary: Wow. - What do you need?
That's crazy. And kind of sad.
Scott: No, no, no.
I love the fact that I got to come back with Suki.
But you know, I loved high school, I loved college,
and now I love Japan, man.
I love everything that I've been able to do in my life.
And, you know what? I'm probably gonna love what I do next, right?
Whatever happens.
So...
Why spend your time looking back
when you've got so much to look forward to?
You know what I'm saying? Crazy, yeah.
Sad? Pfft. No. No way.
- Hello?
He's so drunk.
J' Never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight J'
J' I've never seen you shine so bright... J'
Shit.
Marty: I don't know if we-- do you think we've done enough?
My arm's so sore.
J' Lady in red I
J' Dancing with me... J'
J' Nobody here J'
J' Just you and me... I
We should take a picture of it.
- It's gorgeous. - It's a winter wonderland.
I know.
Shh.
J' Never forget, yeah... J'
Shit. Shit.
J' The way you look tonight... I Beep boop boop.
Musical break, four measures. Shots!
My God.
Marty?
- Is that you? - Marty: No.
Hey. Sorry.
- Hey. - AJ
- What the fu-- - J' Never forget... J'
- My God. - Yay.
J' Asian in beige J'
J' The Asian in beige J'
J' I'll never forget... J'
J' The Asian in beige. J'
Peter: Would you just-- I have to--
I have to-- get off.
Get off me.
One more. I wanna do another one.
Cully: I'm doing it.
I'm actually allergic to pretzels, so...
- So... - being here is really dangerous for me.
Reeves: So your tongue is swelling up?
- No, I have-- - That's important information.
Cully: Reeves, they have your song.
- Reeves! - What's up?
They have "Never Had." They have "Never Had"!
Jesus.
They have your song in the karaoke machine.
I want you to sing it.
- Really? You're gonna do this-- - I would love it--
I actually would love it if you sang the song.
Everybody, Reeves. Who wants Reeves to sing the song?
Reeves!
- You're gonna make me do this? - I'm not gonna make you do it.
I would really love it if you did.
- You're singing it. - Elise: Come on.
You should've lied. You should've said that you heard it
and that you liked it a lot.
I probably should have.
You definitely should have 'cause then I wouldn't have to do this.
Cully: Yeah!
Cully: Get up there, Ricky Martin. Let's go.
- Jesus.
Give a hand to Cully, ladies and gentlemen.
That's a big act to follow.
That's right.
Never karaoke'd myself before. This is very weird.
I'm sorry. I'm gonna stop.
Reeves: Sorry, I-- Jerry, do you have a guitar?
- You got a guitar back there? - Yeah.
- You want that? - Yeah, bring it out.
- Let's do it. - All right. Let's do this right.
I'm gonna sing.
Check, check.
Okay -
Here we go, GUYS-
If you guys wanna sing along...
J' I've been gone for so long now J'
J' Chasing everything that's new J'
J' I've forgotten how I got here J'
J' But I've not forgotten you J'
J' We were just children J'
J' But our eyes opened and J'
J' You were all that I could see J'
J' Through the good times and the bad J'
J' You were the best I've never had J'
J' The only chance I wish I had to take J'
J' But there was no writing on the wall J'
J' No warning signs to follow J'
J' I know now I
J' And I just can't forget J'
J' You're the best I never had J'
J' Nah, nah, nah J'
J' And in this motel J'
J' Well past midnight I
J' When I'm bluer than a bruise J'
J' You come drifting in J'
J' Through the half-light J'
J' In your funny yellow shoes J'
J' And I hope that's you standing I
J' At my doorway J'
J' That's the scratching of your key J'
J' And I hope this song I'm singing J'
J' Someday finds you J'
J' Wherever you may be J'
J'OohJ'
J' Through the good times and the bad J'
J' You were the best I never had J'
J' The only chance I wish I had to take J'
J' But there was no writing on the walls J'
J' No warning signs to follow J'
J' I know now I
J' And I just can't forget J'
J' You're the best I never had J'
J' Nah, nah J'
J' Nah, nah, nah J'
J' Best I never had. J'
Thanks, guys. Thank you.
That's for you, Mary!
Yeah! Shots!
- So that's your big hit song? - That's my big hit song.
I didn't know you remembered anything about me,
let alone could write a song about me.
Really?
Well, there was that... moment in the parking lot.
- The parking lot, yeah. - After that basketball game.
Yeah, there was that moment.
I got scared. I had my boyfriend.
Boyfriend in Austin.
Now you have a boyfriend in Chicago.
Yeah.
I should go.
Getting scared again?
- Little bit. - I'll walk you out.
Marty: Hey, Anna. Should we wait outside?
You guys are 28 years old. Do you remember that?
Sari')!-
Is that what you do in New York now? Wrap people's houses?
- No. - Is that how you roll now, Marty?
- I don't-- - I know this is hard to believe,
but a couple of hours ago, it seemed like a great idea.
It did. I was there. It really--
You guys are gonna clean all this up.
- Of course, yeah. - All of it.
Absolutely. Every ply. Every last little--
- We should probably-- - We could start now.
'Cause we got plenty of time before our flight.
Well, come in. You're letting all the cold air in.
Are you sure? We--
- Thank you. - So sorry again.
So, does your mom still live here?
I hope we didn't wake her up. We tried to be quiet.
- She's a deep sleeper. - Marty: Okay.
Cool.
- It's nice-- it's cool you're still-- - Boy: Mommy, you awake?
Was that a--
Last call, people. Last call.
One more drink and then the party is over.
Scott: Peter, what do you want? Last customer.
- Vodka cranberry. - Yeah.
- You have fun tonight? - Cully: Yeah, it was pretty good.
Yeah, it was fine.
- Scotty? - Yeah, baby.
Look who's ready to have fun.
- Shots. - Shots.
Shots. Three shots.
- Let's do it. - You, me, Jerry. Let's do it.
Barkeep, Jerry, let's go for it.
- You're driving. - Who says I'm driving?
You want me to drive? All right.
Unbelievable.
You're not the only one that can get drunk, you know?
Maybe there are some other people at the bar
that would like to throw back some drinks and, you know,
act like an asshole and sing bad karaoke.
You thought my karaoke was bad?
Porter, come on, man. Are you gonna take these shots with me or what?
So here's to you.
To my husband and your great night and to us being the same age.
Cheers.
My God.
You Okay?
What was that?
- It's whiskey. You want another one? - No.
Like you said, here's to me.
Scott: Sorry, Sam.
Sam: So much for that being fun, huh, Jerry?
Peter?
We gotta talk.
Come here, dude.
Come on. We're buddies now.
- My God. - I'm not a douche anymore.
Well, I guess that's--
that's probably time.
Yeah.
I think that's it.
Are you good?
Are you good to get home?
Yeah. Sober.
Mary: YOU?
Yeah. I'm gonna figure it out.
Okay -
Come on, I'll walk you out.
Um...
I'm right behind you.
Okay -
- Hey, Jake? - Yeah?
I think you owe me a dance.
Prom king.
I owe you a dance? Really?
I want to dance.
- Boy: Mommy? - Anna: I'll be right there, sweetie.
Boy: Okay.
Hey-- I didn't even know you had a child.
Marty: Or children.
I know. It's because I didn't tell you.
You want some milk?
You want some milk, baby?
I know, I know.
So you have just the two little
whippersnappers or...
We should--
Hey, I think--
- Um, where's-- - We're so sorry, Anna.
- So where's the clad, or is he-- Marty.
Which one?
Which one do you want to know about, Marty?
The dad who made-- who helped you make--
Shh. That's not--
Marty: Are they two separate guys?
Yeah, Jack's dad, we met--
I was cocktail waitressing at a bar in college
and he moved to...
Atlanta, I think. Yeah.
And, well, Molly's dad...
I don't even know where to start.
- You don't have to-- - Look...
this wasn't the plan.
I know you guys moved off and became really successful.
And you're staring at me-- looking at me like...
But--
I mean, I--
those pictures of me in high school.
L-- and, no.
It's what you said, about that glow.
I had it.
And I miss it.
And I just thought for like, one night,
I could give it a fucking...
And then you guys come and you ruin it.
You completely fucked it up.
I have a single bed.
I just have a little single bed. A tiny little bed.
I have a 200-square-foot apartment because New York is so expensive,
I can't afford anything more.
I don't even have a separate room for my toilet.
It's just all in one room.
And I wanted to get a double bed, but then I wouldn't have had room
for a partition around the toilet. It would have just been
a bed and a toilet,
and then the living room and the kitchen is all the same,
so I'd literally be shitting where I eat.
So, you know?
I--
My wife's leaving me.
- Anna: What? - What?
Mm.
Marty: Are you serious?
Yeah, I keep screwing up and she's getting sick of it.
Or she keeps screwing up and I'm getting sick of it.
- It's-- - Why wouldn't you tell me that?
There hasn't been a right time.
What do you mean, the right time? Are you kidding?
I was best man at your wedding.
Who else are you gonna talk to about it?
No one. No one. No, I'm saying we all have messes.
It's...
We all have messes.
I have a tiny bed, you guys have-- it's all relative.
- Hey. - Hey, big guy.
- Mommy? - Yeah?
I'm hungry-
Okay, sweetheart.
- Let me see what-- - You're hungry? I'm also hungry.
This is-- I'm the mayor of Hungrytown right now.
We're a bunch of hungry, hungry hippos.
Hungry hippos here. So we're with you.
We're totally with you, big man.
Big night.
Big night for Jules.
- I need French fries. - Yeah, you do.
- Like, now. - All kinds of French fries.
We need to go eat. I'm starving.
Woman: ls anything open?
- Night, guys. - Night, Sam.
Hey. Let's go.
Wake up.
Hey. You Okay?
No.
Let's go.
Come on. You gotta stand up.
- Can you stand up? - No.
Come here, come here.
Sam: Think you're gonna remember this tomorrow?
Nope.
Okay. Let's get you cleaned up, then.
- Elise: Another parking lot. - Reeves: Yeah.
Another parking lot.
So, hey. Where do you live?
'Cause I don't think I know where you actually live.
I don't really live anywhere.
I live out of a suitcase.
Do you come back here often?
No. Almost never.
Well, I'll just give you my number.
In case.
In case you ever do come back.
You could call me, if you felt like it.
And doing that would be a bad idea.
Why?
You're never here. You're always on the road.
Right?
I'm here now.
J' Time is never time at all J'
J' I can never, ever leave J'
J' Without leaving a piece of youth... J'
So, Jess...
J" And our lives are forever changed... J'
Yes?
You're gonna marry her, aren't you?
Mmmmm.
What the hell are you waiting for?
L-lrnrn'?
I don't know.
She's just perfect and I need it to be perfect.
Then ask her.
And it will be.
Olivia: I don't wanna leave.
I know you don't, but I'm taking you home.
I feel like I don't even know you anymore.
- Stop it. - I don't.
What are you talking about?
I have always wondered what it'd be like to sleep with a black guy.
- Really? - Yeah.
Well, it's too bad you're married to me, then, huh?
- Babe. - What?
I'm the same guy you woke up next to this morning.
Just with more skills.
Right, more skills. Exactly.
I have skills you don't even know about,
so you don't even know that.
J' And life can change, that you're not stuck in vain J'
J' We're not the same, we're different J'
J' Tonight I
J' Tonight, tonight J'
J' Tonight I
J' Tonight... I
Marty: I'm glad we found a better use for these eggs.
Yeah.
- Playing the piano. - Right here.
She's gonna be a musician.
Do you guys want more?
- No, I think we're good. - No. They're so good.
They're amazing.
Mart!!-
What'd you say now?
He said he thinks I'm glowing more than ever now.
-- Yeah, yeah.
- You're great. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- What about you? - What?
Are you haPPY?
I know you're all married and everything now.
Yep.
You happy with Paul?
J' Believe in me I
J' Believe... I
Not this again, really?
Okay, okay. Yes, I pinky swear.
I pinky swear.
I haven't told anyone.
- I'm pregnant. - You're pregnant.
I'm such an idiot. I should've-- with the water.
My God. How are you so little?
It's 10 weeks, so...
It's little.
My God. I'm--
It's a little scary.
Don't be scared.
You hear me? Do not be scared.
You are going to be just like your dad.
You're gonna be the absolute best parent
that anyone could ever ask for.
No, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.
J' Believe in me as I believe in you... J'
So you are happy.
J' Tonight I
J' Tonight, tonight J'
J' Tonight I
J' Tonight, tonight J'
J' Tonight I
J' Tonight. J'
Woman on TV: It has a digital readout.
That's so unique. It comes with a battery.
That is so generous. A one-year warranty.
Ever since I had a baby, I have had...
You waited up for me?
Yeah.
Thank you.
For waiting up for you?
No.
For making me stay.
I don't know. I just needed to, like--
I needed to see that she was okay, whatever.
I know.
Yeah.
I think you know me better than I know me.
I think I do, too.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
What am I thinking right now?
You're thinking you want some bacon.
I'm always thinking of bacon, so that's not fair.
Jess: No, you're not tickling your way out of this.
I caught her staring at him, like, seven times.
Wowie wow!
Julie: My God. We're so glad you're here.
- Hey. - No, we had to come back.
I'm glad you came back. What'd you do, you go clubbing?
- Scott: Sit down. - Good to see you.
- Take a seat, take a seat. - Hi!
- We're going to Japan? - Yes.
- You're all gonna go to Japan. - Everybody.
I'm going to Japan.
I've been asked so many times today, and they're like...
J' Clouds so swift, the rain's falling in J'
J' Gonna see a movie called "Gunga Din" J'
J' Pack up your money, pull up your tent, McGuinn J'
J' You ain't a-going' nowhere J'
J' Ooh-whee, ride me high J'
J' Tomorrow's the day that my bride's a-gonna come J'
J' Ooh-whee, we gonna fly J'
J' Down into the easy chair... J'
Vanillo, I'm serious. Just come on.
- Nick: I'll try to get everybody. - No-- yeah, right.
You will get everybody. Just put it back.
It's just perfect. I set it up perfectly.
- I'll put it back, I'll put it back. - Okay, thank you.
- After I do this. - No, Vanillo!
Hey, Vanillo. Just hanging out at your reunion. Hi.
- What are you doing with this? - Nick: I don't know.
- What do you mean, you don't know? - I don't know.
You gotta be filming for a reason.
- What's this for? - Nick: I don't know.
It's just for us, really. Nobody's gonna see it.
Who's us? I don't know who us is.
So are you having a good time here?
Yeah, are you having-- who are you?
I'm Vanillo. Nick.
Hi, Vanillo. How's it going?
It's good to see you again.
Nick: It's good to see you, buddy.
- Remember Peter Chang? - That's really bright.
- Yeah, I do. - Jung. It's Peter Jung.
- It's Jung. - I know,
but no one remembers you by that.
- Peter Jung, remember? - Nick: Yeah, yeah.
- I'm putting him in a car. - Yeah.
Cully: The night is young.
Nick: Would you say the night is Peter Jung?
My God. I spilled.
The night is Peter Jung.
You know, the night is Chang.
It's good to be back, see everybody.
See Anna.
Whoo. What?
Does your mom have big boobs?
Whoo, she looks so good.
She looks really-- she almost looks better than she did in high school.
She's got a little bit of late twenties heft.
Like her body's yearning to have a baby.
It's funny seeing Scotty P.
What is this, smashing?
What-- what was smashing?
Nick: Yeah, Scott. What is smashing?
Really, Nick? Really?
You know, Kev Garrity--
you know, G-Money?
We're just smashing every minute we can get.
And then, hopefully, out of the smash session,
a baby will just smash out of
him and me and then I'll smash that baby out of the womb.
And then my baby will learn how to smash.
Nick: That's good.
It's crazy, man. It's crazy seeing everybody.
All the stuff that we used to do together.
All the chicks we used to run. What?
- We should go in the stall. - Don't tell Jake.
- Let's go in the stall. - Don't tell Jake.
- Everybody in the stall. - Nick: Yeah, everybody in the stall.
- Sam: That's amazing. - Actually, it's totally changed my--
I actually never did this in high school, ever.
So this is kind of, like--
- I'm Millie-- I'm Millie. - You remixed--
- Yeah. - You remixed my song?
You know, I mean? I just do music on the side.
- Which songs did you? - J' The best I never had... J'
You know what I mean?
But look how sexy this is.
Whose boy band picture is this?
That's Scott.
- Scott, of course. - That's Scott.
- Man: Scott, man. - That's all I got! That's all I got!
Well, you are, kinda. 'Cause you kinda grabbed mine in the bathroom.
She'd just got 'em.
Look, I remember you in tenth grade.
- Those roses looked like, flat. - That was junior year.
And then, in junior and senior year,
those roses looked like blossoms.
Well, I was a late bloomer.
They're still talking about my boobs. I'm sorry.
All right, picture me as a big old Hershey Kiss.
Done.
For a little while. That's why I just--
- Excuse us. - Nick: Sorry about that.
That's your husband?
- Yes. - I thought that was your dad.
Nick: So, do you see spending the rest of your life with Jake?
I do.
I definitely do.
Give me the song, give me the song, give me the song.
- J' You're the best, I - Yeah.
J' The best I ever had... J'
Right...
J' There was no writing on the wall J'
J' No warning signs to follow J'
J' No, no, I just can't forget J'
J' You're the best I never had J'
J' Me and you, we equal two J'
J' No matter what you do J'
J' I'm rolling wit' you J'
J'l bust a cap J'
J' You make the money J'
J' I hold you up I
J' You my honey I
J' We snuggle buggle J'
J' We watch the tube J'
J' You watch the O J'
J' I watch SPN News. J'
- You feel me? So it's like-- - Yeah, it keeps going.
You know what I mean? So, I put that together,
I mixed some Biggie in there,
and it was huge. Dude, it was huge.