FEMALE RADIO HOST 1: Good morning, New York.
Today we are talking about cheese until the sun comes up.
Specifically, bouchon cheese.
I like to pair this with a nice '77 sauvignon blanc.
It's perfect for an intimate meal or for a large gathering.
You will never go wrong with semi-soft cheeses.
Let us go to Scott in Crown Heights.
He has been wondering about Brie.
FEMALE RADIO HOST 2: NASDAQ dropped its noisy effort
to take over the New York Stock Exchange.
It slunk away saying it became clear
regulators wouldn't approve a merger
of the US's two dominant stock exchanges.
FEMALE RADIO HOST 1: I think we have Barbara in the Bronx.
She's got a question about cheddar.
Go ahead, Barbara.
JOSH: You can have my rook, but I will take
that.
Boom.
FEMALE RADIO HOST 2: It seems investors may be in for an equally wild ride.
(DOG BARKING)
SLIDE: Get that bike around back. Come on, empty the truck.
Hey, it's the man in the suit. Hey.
What are you doing walking on my side of the street?
Very funny.
Punk-ass bitches walk on the other side of the street.
Same jokes as yesterday.
Walk by me again and I'm going to whoop your ass.
Good morning, Mr. Shaw. You are looking lean and mean today.
This is why I love you, Lester.
You're the best liar in New York.
Morning, Mr. Shaw. Hiya.
Everything is set for your dinner party.
I'm sending up some bouchon paired with a '77 sauvignon blanc.
Very nice.
If you don't mind my saying, are you sure you want
Secretary Lowe and Janet Ramsey at the party together?
They were mentioned again on Page Six.
Jesus! I totally forgot they were screwing.
Yeah. Nice save, Josh.
What the hell would I do without you?
You would have to read the Post yourself.
No, I'm serious.
I am kicking the tires on a couple deals.
I might buy a hotel in Saint Bart's.
I'm looking for a GM.
I'm going to try and steal you away.
If I could bring Lester, we might have a deal.
(LAUGHS) Okay, deal.
All right. Have a good one.
Josh, one more thing.
What is that, sir?
Checkmate.
(HORNS HONKING)
(GREETING IN SPANISH)
You got a security report for me?
Not much, Mr. K. A car alarm, two homeless and a really loud dog.
ROSE: Good morning, Josh. Hey, Rose.
How was your weekend?
Good. I was here. We steam-cleaned the garage,
had some killer take-out from Punjab Palace.
You are a wild man. That's me.
ODESSA: Mr. K.
Hey, Odessa.
My work visa's about to expire. You must find me a husband.
Okay. Can I have my bagel first?
I need a man before these pricks throw me out of the country.
All right, and what about Manuel? He's a catch.
I tried. He couldn't handle me.
Okay. Rose, don't write that down.
KWAN: Morning. Morning, Kwan.
We have birthdays in 3714 and 4399.
The Jameson twins like the cupcakes from Magnolia,
Mr. Causwell likes the hot fudge sundae at Sardi's.
And Mrs. Hightower landed three days early
from Cairo, be here in an hour.
Does Mr. Hightower know?
Josh, a word, right now.
Yes, sir, Mr. Simon.
Where's Charlie? I got an empty concierge desk.
I think he's checking on Mrs. Cronan.
Now that's bullshit! Mrs. Cronan is at physical therapy.
He has got three minutes.
...can only be convicted if the prosecution proves all the...
Miss lovenko.
Holy shit! What?
We do this thing, you and I,
where you pretend not to study for the bar exam
and I pretend not to notice.
I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about, sir.
See, we're doing it. Doing what?
Right now, we're doing the thing, where you pretend not...
No.
I know the exam is coming up this week, so study in my office
during your lunch break, okay? Because I never use it.
Okay, but I'm not studying, so it would not make much sense.
Wait. Shh! Hear that?
Someone is buzzing.
Hey, shush!
Everybody, shush!
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
Who's buzzing?
I hear it. It's faint,
it's muffled, but I hear it. Fess up!
Who's buzzing? Come on!
Who the hell is buzzing?
It's me, my bad. I had it on vibrate.
Josh, this is Enrique Dev'Reaux.
He's our new elevator operator.
I didn't hire you.
He's a quarter Cherokee, you know we need an Indian.
So give him a shot.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Kovaks.
I've spent the last three years working at the BK,
and I'm ready for the big leagues.
BK? What is that? A building downtown?
No, it's a Burger King in Times Square.
All right. Walk with me, Mr. Dev'Reaux.
The average apartment at The Tower costs $5.6 million.
It's the most expensive real estate in North America.
We have the best views, the most advanced security system,
keyless entry, 24-hour video vibration detection.
But you know what these people are really buying?
White neighbors?
Us. The staff.
They pay for our full and undivided attention seven days a week.
So there's no cell phones, iPhones,
BlackBerries, texting, tweeting...
They had a rule at the BK, no sex in the storage room.
Same as your phone rule, right?
No, not the same, because your dick
has to come with you to work, Mr. Dev'Reaux,
but your phone can stay at home.
So don't hide it in your pocket or tuck it into your sock,
don't tape it under your balls or stick it up your ass,
because, eventually, I will find it.
They never checked my balls at the BK.
Sir, you can call me "Enrique" or "Lil' Disco" or "The Puerto Rican Mohican,"
that's my hip-hop name.
JOSH: Morning, Judge Ramos. How did you do?
I ran the Reservoir, 15 flat.
Nice.
Where's Charlie? I need my cigars.
I think he took Mrs. Cronan to physical therapy.
I'll bring them up the second he gets here.
Thank you.
BOY: Hey, Lester. GIRL: Good morning, Lester.
ALL: Hi, Lester.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
ALL: Bird farts.
We've heard that one before.
Have a great day at school.
Morning, Mr. Hightower.
Ma'am.
Sir, that package you ordered from Cairo arrived three days early.
Hmm. Yeah.
It's on its way from the airport right now.
Josh, can you have the chauffeur
pick us up at the back, please?
Already done. Thank you.
Darling, let's go.
That guy's daughter looks like a prostitute.
We're all about discretion here, Mr. Dev'Reaux.
Right, right. How do you guys split up the tips?
We don't. We never take tips at The Tower.
No, I don't really want to talk about it right now.
Charlie. CHARLIE: Sasha!
Your brother's coming, I'm at work and I can't talk right now.
You're 20 minutes late! Where are Judge Ramos' cigars?
Right here.
Josh, I'm freaking out.
Can I help you?
Go.
What?
We just went to the OB/GYN, the baby is in the third trimester,
its head is six inches wide, your sister has a tiny vagina.
Everyone tells me to stop worrying. I said, "Stop worrying?"
In labor its head is going to get crushed
or it's going to blow out your sister's vagina.
(WHISPERING) Don't say the "V" word in the lobby.
I called your Uncle Marty.
He said all the women in your family have teeny tiny vaginas.
I've been covering your ass all week.
Simon is breathing down my neck.
What are you doing? (SIGHS) I'm worried.
Did you hear what I was saying? Simon is going to fire you.
Simon is not going to fire me today. I got the red flowers.
Red flowers?
Yeah, it's Chinese New Year.
Mrs. Jin will be down here any second.
It's crucial the first thing she hears be something positive.
Her entire year depends on it.
Mrs. Jin.
(SPEAKING MANDARIN)
Happy New Year.
(CHUCKLES)
Did you see that smile?
JOSH: Wanted to see me?
SIMON: Yeah.
Fitzhugh is refusing to leave.
We've never had a forced eviction at The Tower.
If they drag Mr. Fitzhugh and his family into the street,
it's bad for all of us.
Why don't you talk to him?
This is your responsibility, Josh.
The bank comes in the morning. Get him out.
(KNOCKING)
Mr. Fitzhugh, it's Josh Kovaks, sir.
(HEAVY OBJECT BEING MOVED)
(FITZHUGH GRUNTING)
Good morning, Josh. Are you alone?
Yeah.
Hey, did you see what the market did today?
Went up 106 points. Ask me why it did that?
Why?
I don't know, but I used to know.
That's why they hired me at Merrill Lynch.
Mr. Fitzhugh, you know this apartment is now owned by the bank.
They'd like you to vacate immediately.
We told the kids that we were turning the apartment
into a park. Going green.
That's how we explained all the furniture
being sold and the tents in the living room.
Luckily, my children aren't very bright, so they bought it.
But they have smart friends and those friends are catching on.
Sir, the bank will be here tomorrow morning.
I went to Yale 20 years ago, and now I'm a squatter.
Can't wait for their reunion. "Hello, nice to see you. I squat."
What about family?
No, I invested all their money. They won't return my calls.
I'd sleep in my car, but they repossessed it three months ago.
So, you see, I have to stay here,
because we have nowhere else to go.
It's illegal for you to be here. You're committing a crime.
I understand that.
But we might be doing some elevator maintenance tomorrow.
I'm thinking that the elevators will be shut down
and those people from the bank will just have to come back another time.
ARTHUR: Because, it's like you go down one.
(ENRIQUE LAUGHING)
Hey, Mr. Kovaks.
Mr. Shaw, I see you met Mr. Dev'Reaux.
This guy owns his own island with jet skis. How cool is that?
He's our probationary elevator operator.
He's still very early in the interview process.
Why don't we finish the job interview right now, Josh?
Suppose I ask you to pick me up a cheeseburger,
Enrique, what would you say?
How do you like it cooked?
The thing is, I like a certain kind of Brie on my burger,
and they only sell it at Danny's Cheese Shop downtown.
I'm on my way.
And the beef has to be grass-fed.
The best butcher shop in New York is on Bleecker Street, sir.
(CHUCKLING)
Josh, hire him.
Yes, that was my gut, sir.
And, Enrique, one other thing.
I like to get my own burgers whenever possible.
I may have my own private island in Belize,
but deep down I'm just an Astoria boy like Josh here.
We come from the same neighborhood.
That's right, PS 104. Go Lions!
My first real job was shoveling horseshit at Aqueduct Racetrack.
Don't you ever let me forget it.
I won't, sir.
All right, go downstairs and get a nametag from Rose.
Thank you, sir. Thank you.
Why don't we hit it tonight, Josh? Raise some hell.
We have to be back here in nine hours.
Remember that time you danced on that bar in Times Square?
I almost fainted.
That's a drunken dream you had six years ago.
You were shaking your ass up there like Tina Turner.
Running half naked on Broadway
telling tourists you were Mustafa from The Lion King.
That's ridiculous. It never happened.
I was waiting to tell you. This is going to be my last year at The Tower.
What?
In a few months, I'm headed to San Diego
to spend a little time with Lorraine.
I might even cruise around the world with all the other old farts.
Wow.
That's great. That's really great. I'm going to miss you.
I'll be thinking about you, Josh.
Here's your bus.
Be thinking about how you danced on that bar.
Yeah! I got it all up here.
I don't know where you got that.
Circle of life, Josh. Circle of life!
(LAUGHS)
(ALARM BEEPING)
(SIGHS)
FEMALE RADIO HOST: Not many of you kill your own Thanksgiving turkey,
but you might want to consider it.
SLIDE: Shit, Rita, get your ass back in here!
I ain't going to be chasing you all around.
Goodbye, Slide!
Hey, hey, Rita, come on now, it's 5:30 in the morning.
Not little shit like this. Come on now.
I told you, I don't even know nobody named Maria.
Yeah, well, she sure as shit knows you, Slide!
It was a wrong number.
Then why did she ask for you, stupid? Why?
It was a wrong number! I just...
(RITA SPEAKING RAPID SPANISH)
I don't know what you are saying, bitch!
Lester, it's 9: 15. Why is Mr. Shaw's car still here?
Maybe he's sick.
JOSH: That black sedan has been parked there for two days.
Why no boot or ticket?
I called the cops twice.
Do you remember that morning robbery
at the International last year?
I want you to slowly lock the door and clear the lobby.
Stay calm.
Lock it down. Code Black on all doors and elevators.
Repeat, Code Black.
What's Code Black?
Are you serious? We talked about it at the meeting last month.
Let me see the outside of the building.
I think we're about to be robbed.
There were four guys out there with guns.
Where did they go?
Let me see the garage.
Why is Stillman here? Laundry pick-up was yesterday.
Mr. Shaw asked us to call him.
Someone spilled wine on his tablecloth.
He's bringing it down right now.
Wait a second. Those are not the Stillman brothers.
Oh, my God, they're taking Shaw.
This isn't a robbery, it's a kidnapping.
It's a kidnapping! Call 911!
Yes, sir.
Code Black, Manuel! Code Black!
What's Code Black?
Hey! Whoa! Whoa!
Hey! Stop!
Shoot at the tires!
I only have my Taser!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(HORNS HONKING)
JOSH: Hey, stop!
MAN: Watch out!
MALE FBI AGENT 1: Move in! Move in! Move in!
Don't move.
MALE FBI AGENT 2: Get your hands in the air!
(SIRENS BLARING)
FBI, show me your hands.
MALE FBI AGENT 2: Let's go. ARTHUR: Okay, all right.
MALE FBI AGENT 2: Put them behind your back!
ARTHUR: Take it easy.
No, get off him! He's the victim!
That's Arthur Shaw! He lives in The Tower.
He was bringing his laundry down. They kidnapped him.
This was not a kidnapping, it was an attempt to flee.
JOSH: What?
Arrest him and get him out of here.
Josh, do me a favor, turn off the heater and cover the pool.
I hate to waste money.
MALE RADIO HOST: Wall Street kingpin Arthur Shaw,
number 138 on the Forbes 400 last year,
was arrested today in Manhattan while trying to flee the city.
Sources have confirmed that he'll be charged
with several counts of securities fraud
and an immediate asset freeze of Mr. Shaw's holdings has been ordered.
Shaw's lawyers have called the arrest
"another example of the Wall Street witch-hunt,"
but sources at the SEC believe the fraud
in this case could be of epic proportions.
In this country you're innocent until proven guilty,
so no matter what you hear about Mr. Shaw being a liar and a cheat,
or his entire business being some sort of elaborate scam,
we simply don't know the truth yet.
I've got shoes to polish, Mr. K.
What does this got to do with us?
For the last six years, Mr. Shaw was on the board of The Tower.
So we have to find a new board member?
No.
Several years ago at one of the meetings,
he was asked to do a favor for us.
He was asked to manage all of your pensions.
Pensions?
And he did.
He took us on even though it was a small account.
He agreed to handle it.
Who asked him to do that?
I did, Rose. I asked him.
Mr. K, what's left in the pension?
Kwan, all this just happened, so there's no way of knowing,
and by the way, this could be a mistake.
How much, Josh? Tell us.
Right now, they're saying that anyone who
invested with Mr. Shaw has been defrauded,
and that more than likely, it's all gone.
There is no pension.
Wait, wait. Wait a minute. I'm sorry.
How did this happen?
The guy is the best in New York
and he promised he could triple our portfolio.
So they're going to get our money?
The guy had billions of dollars, right?
Of course, it's just a matter of time.
So we have to stay patient and be positive, because it has to be there.
I heard on the news when they arrested Shaw
that he only had $600 in his checking account.
(ALL MURMURING)
Look, some of you may need some time to process this.
If anyone wants to go home,
I will call in a temp crew for the rest of the day.
I'm sure that this will all be cleared up tomorrow.
Can I ask you something, Mr. K?
Yeah.
Did he get your money, too?
Yeah, Odessa.
For the record,
I never asked anyone to triple my portfolio.
FEMALE REPORTER: Just an hour ago,
a federal judge released Arthur Shaw on $10 million bail,
on condition he remain under house arrest at his penthouse apartment
on Central Park West.
Mr. Shaw, I need a statement from you.
You need to back off.
Can I get a comment please, Mr. Shaw?
You need to back off. Excuse me.
MALE REPORTER: Here! Over here! Come on, Shaw! Right here! Shaw!
MALE PHOTOGRAPHER: Shaw, can we get a picture?
Over here, Mr. Shaw!
CLAIRE: We're taking Shaw and his attorney up to the penthouse.
I need Mr. Shaw's personal security code.
24719.
That was my street address on Steinway Boulevard in Astoria when I was a kid.
My client would like access to the gym on 43.
Even serial killers get 15 minutes of exercise a day.
He has my permission to jump out the window.
The rules of Mr. Shaw's house arrest are simple.
Kovaks, no visitors without prior permission from the FBI.
All incoming and outgoing mail gets vetted by my office.
All food deliveries, packages,
cleaning, repairs, all that has to be cleared by the agent on duty.
You tell your staff that this penthouse is now
a maximum security prison and it will be guarded as such.
The FBI is in control of the elevator and this floor.
What the hell is this?
ARTHUR: Agent Denham, that is a 1963 Ferrari 250 GT Lusso,
owned and raced by the coolest cat who ever lived, Steve McQueen.
This was his baby,
and now it's my baby.
You got Steve McQueen's car parked in your living room?
And here I thought you were an asshole.
I paid a million for it 10 years ago.
I wouldn't sell it for 10 times that.
We're 65 stories up. How do we get it out of here?
You don't.
This car was taken apart piece by piece
and reassembled inside this room.
This car will eventually be sold at auction
with the rest of your belongings.
Only if I'm guilty, Agent Denham, which I'm not.
If you leave this apartment for any reason without my say so,
and you'll be remanded into federal custody
and forfeit $10 million bail.
You have yourself a nice day, Mr. Shaw.
Kovaks, will you come with me?
Josh, do me a favor, will you?
Yes, sir, Mr. Shaw.
Make sure you handle all my food deliveries.
You're smart enough to know I'm innocent.
I don't want the help to spit in my coffee.
They wouldn't do that, sir.
Yeah, but you get it, right?
Do it as a favor to me.
Sorry, we don't accept tips at The Tower.
Right, I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget the rules.
CLAIRE: Why did you let him get away with that?
When he made that crack about the help spitting in his coffee.
You wanted to hurt him. Hell, I wanted to hurt him.
Sometimes residents say things they don't mean. It doesn't faze me.
Either that or you got no balls.
What?
I'm out of line. I'm sorry.
I have balls, all right.
I'm sure you got big balls. Whatever.
I don't have to defend my balls to you.
I'm just saying the guy stole from everyone who works in your building
and it looked like you gave him a free pass.
Maybe next time I'll rip out his larynx,
but today I chose to do my job as manager of this building.
Okay, my mistake, Kovaks.
Just that most guys from your block in Astoria
can't control themselves.
And most girls from Forest Hills don't end up in the FBI.
That's where you're from, right?
(POP MUSIC RINGTONE)
Here.
CLAIRE: This is where most white-collar crimes are solved, the garbage.
When do you think you will be getting the money back?
I'm not really allowed to discuss the case with you.
But you're allowed to clothesline me?
I was apprehending a fugitive.
He's only a fugitive if he's guilty, right?
Oh!
Aren't you the loyal friend?
I never said we were friends.
You play chess together,
you're the one who asked him to invest the pension.
I get his mail, I open his car door,
I buy his cheese. We're not friends.
Let me ask you something, Kovaks.
If he's innocent, where's the money?
How should I know?
The same way you knew I was from Forest Hills.
You pay attention.
I just want to know what I'm supposed to tell my staff.
Is that too much to ask?
Tell them he's guilty.
MALE COP 1: Get on the car!
MALE COP 2: Hey! Hey, hey!
MALE COP 1: Come on, put your hands behind your back!
SLIDE: Come on, man, what's this about?
This is bullshit! Shit! That's police brutality, yo!
Come on now.
Man in the suit, you seeing this shit?
You're my witness. Take a cell phone picture.
Take a picture, man.
No, my cell phone doesn't have a camera.
If you see Rita, tell her I said to call her brother.
Rita? Yeah, her brother's a bail bondsman.
Tell her I said to use that money
I gave her to get her teeth fixed.
Come on now, what you got to be pushing me like that?
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE: Ladies and gentlemen, the next Brooklyn bound
local train is now arriving.
Please step away from the platform edge,
especially when trains are entering and leaving the station.
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
WOMAN ON PA: Dr. Carr, dial 118, please.
Hey, what happened?
Lester tried to step in front of a subway train tonight.
An off-duty traffic cop was there
and pulled him back at the last second.
They have him on a 48-hour hold.
Where is he?
If you wanted a sick day, all you had to do was ask.
Seriously, I need you back at work.
I'm going to tell the doctor somebody pushed you.
It was a misunderstanding, okay?
I gave it to him, Josh. All my money.
I asked him to invest it for me.
Shaw? Yeah.
A couple of months ago, I gave him everything I had, my life savings.
Six years working the back door
at the Waldorf, nine at the Carlyle,
three at the Pierre, 11 with you at The Tower.
That's 29 years of opening doors.
$73,000 and change, and I gave him every penny.
In a few months I won't have money for rent.
I can't retire now.
All those years of opening doors, year after year.
Truth is, people can open their own doors.
Not the way you do it.
(CHUCKLES)
Lester, he's going to pay you back every penny.
I promise.
Josh, please calm down.
Hold the elevator.
You can't go up there.
You're acting like a vigilante. Move your hand.
I won't move my hand. Move your hand!
Relax. You're not using your head.
FITZHUGH: Hey, Charlie. Hey, Josh.
Hey.
So, they're evicting me this morning.
My wife already took the kids, wants a divorce.
So, if you need me, I'll be living in this box.
Can I ask you a question? You're a Wall Street guy.
When did Shaw realize that it was over for him?
Ten months, maybe a year.
I heard he was interviewing lawyers over the summer.
So if he took someone's money a few months ago?
Probably needed the cash to keep up appearances.
Throw his famous Labor Day party at the beach.
At a certain point, it isn't about securities fraud,
it's about catering.
Drop Mr. Fitzhugh on 59.
I'm going to the penthouse.
Wow! This is going to be good.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
Don't get up. Whoa! Where do you think you're going?
We're just going to get the trash.
And the breakfast order.
Go ahead.
Takes a village.
Good morning, Josh, Charlie, Enrique. How are you doing?
How was your Labor Day party this year, Mr. Shaw?
Must have been something, huh? What did you serve? Crab legs?
Surf and turf?
I've always tried to extend you a certain courtesy,
but this tone you're using...
What tone? Who gives a shit about my tone?
What are you, some kind of tone master?
CHARLIE: Josh, come on. I'm going to ask you one time, okay?
So you better think really hard.
Why did you take Lester's money?
He came to me, he asked me to invest and I did. It was a favor.
Mm-hmm. $73,000? A favor? Everything he had.
Did Lester ask you to come up here?
CHARLIE: Mr. Shaw,
a few hours ago, Lester stepped in front of a subway train.
Oh, Jesus.
ENRIQUE: Here we go. What are you doing?
Josh, you need to listen to me. The FBI is lying to you.
Josh, put down the club.
Christ's sake, don't do anything you can't undo.
Investing money is a gamble. It doesn't always pay off.
Mr. Shaw, do you care?
Josh, come on. No, really.
Do you feel any responsibility for what happened to Lester?
Of course I feel badly.
I had no idea he was going to lose everything.
Lester has been a part of my life for over a decade.
Then why haven't you asked me whether he's alive or dead?
Josh, this car is irreplaceable!
Not like doormen!
They make new ones of those all the time.
Must be 50 new doormen coming off the line in Michigan right now!
God damn it! Stop it!
Want some Brie with your burger? Here you go.
Josh, don't! Shh!
Want me to come work for you, huh?
Want to steal me away to Saint Bart's?
Come on, let's go! I'm ready to rock!
Mr. Kovaks, let me have a swing at that shit!
No! Nobody touches this car but me.
You think Steve McQueen is the coolest cat that ever lived?
Guess what? Today, Steve McQueen is my little bitch.
(GRUNTING)
Ooh!
Ah!
Oh!
Whoops.
Don't worry, I'll have the help come clean that up.
Let's go.
ARTHUR: Josh, aren't you forgetting something?
My breakfast order.
SIMON: Do you understand the shit-storm
that can be brought down on this building?
Shaw's lawyer will shove harassment, destruction of property
and civil rights charges right down our throats!
Now, I don't care what Shaw did
or how much money he's accused of stealing.
And you know damn well I got murdered by that son of a bitch!
But a line has been crossed, and a gang of vigilantes
will not be tolerated at The Tower.
You're all fired.
Hey, wait, hold on. Mr. Simon, they had nothing to do with this.
They just followed me up there.
I don't give a shit!
Mr. Simon, wait a minute, my wife is eight months pregnant.
You should have thought of that before you walked in that apartment.
We went up there for Lester!
Lester's job is waiting for him when he gets out.
Meanwhile, the rest of you, I want you out of the building right now.
(SIGHS)
Um, the carpet cleaners are coming tomorrow, they start on 44. Okay?
Bye, Joshie.
Good luck with the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about.
All right. Let's go, everyone. Back to work, okay?
JOSH: Hey, Charlie, wait!
Wait. I'll call Sasha, all right.
I'll tell her you tried to stop me.
Please, don't do me any favors.
And, Josh, don't pretend to care now,
I know you always wanted to fire me.
That's because you stink at this job.
So I stink? I stink? Yeah.
The guy who made Mrs. Jin smile on Chinese New Year?
Mrs. Jin is Korean.
She's what?
That's why she was smiling.
She's not Chinese, she's Korean.
And you believed her?
Yeah, she's Korean.
All right, Josh, maybe she's Korean.
Why are you whispering? She is Korean.
What's important is that she appreciated the gesture I made,
and that's more than I can say for some people.
Thanks for getting me fired.
CLAIRE: Hey.
Hey. Thank you for coming down.
Yeah, no problem. You got something for me?
Yeah. I probably shouldn't even be doing this,
because it violates everything I believe in,
but I have to get my employees' money back, so...
This is Shaw's travel schedule for the last 10 years.
It's his guest registry. Names of judges, politicians,
women, tail number of his plane,
hull identification number of his yacht,
names of his race horses in West Virginia...
Gill's Pride and Sunny Day.
Yeah, we have all that, Kovaks.
And eventually they're gonna sell his planes and his yachts,
and his horses, and the bank is going to take it all.
You guys were his smallest account.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Thought I'd give it a shot.
Kovaks,
you wanna get drunk?
Thanks.
I've got to be honest with you, Kovaks.
The last time I drank this much at a bar I made out with a fireman.
Really? How long ago was that?
Tuesday.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
You know, you surprise me.
I saw the security tape of you beating the shit out of Shaw's car.
That was badass.
Yeah, well, badass is my middle name.
Nope. Your middle name is Marvin.
I know that from your file. Marvin.
(LAUGHS)
All right.
That's my dead grandfather you're laughing at.
What else is in my file?
Oh.
I know the year your parents got divorced.
Your SAT scores.
You don't know my SAT scores.
540, math. 480, verbal.
I retook those. Your scores went down.
(SCOFFS)
I have to tell you something,
and I really shouldn't be telling you this,
because it violates everything I believe in.
Mmm-hmm.
We still haven't found Shaw's safety net.
All these guys, they keep some cash close by in case they have to run.
Shaw clears out all of his accounts three months ago,
20 million and change.
But when we bust him, the money isn't on him.
Wait.
$20 million?
There's a chance we'll get lucky and find it.
And if we get lucky, maybe you can get lucky.
I'm not lucky.
You just have to be patient.
I don't really have time to be patient.
Well, if you're tired of waiting around,
you can always try the old-school approach.
What's that?
Grab some pitchforks and a couple of guys and storm the castle.
They'd never see you coming.
I have to pee.
Ooh! I'm gonna... I have to go.
Whoa, whoa. You can't drive.
I'm gonna get a crab.
Crab?
Listen, you violated three federal laws
when you beat up Shaw's Ferrari.
So what?
So a lot of guys down at the bureau want to buy you a drink,
and so do I.
Bye.
Goodbye.
(BANGING ON DOOR)
(BUZZING)
Manuel.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Sorry, Mr. K, I can't let you into the building.
No, no, I just have to grab some stuff out of my office, okay?
I promise I won't attack anyone.
I can't do it.
Or should I tell Mr. Simon about you and the cougar in 2813?
Two minutes. Okay.
FEMALE CASHIER: Hi, welcome to Shake Shack. What can I get you?
ENRIQUE: Hey, Mr. Kovaks.
Welcome to Shake Shack. What's shaking? We shake all day.
You like working here?
I cry at night.
You said you know electrical engineering?
FITZHUGH: I'm on the phone with the police.
They have a cruiser in the area. Go away!
It's me, Mr. Fitzhugh. Can you open the door, please?
Hey. Hey.
Why are you staying in this motel?
I'm thinking of becoming a male prostitute.
I think I might have a better idea.
(CHILDREN TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Sasha told me you took a job.
Oh, yeah. I'm using all the skills you taught me as a concierge.
Thank you very much. Hey, no spitting, blue shirt.
BOY: Suck it, douche bag!
It's not a bad job. Only problem is
I need 40 hours to get on the insurance,
it's hard to get shifts, but if I don't get on the insurance,
it's probably gonna end up costing us
around $20,000 to have the baby.
So we'll probably have to sell it.
I need your help.
So you're saying you wanna rob $20 million from Arthur Shaw.
Which you think he's hidden in a secret wall safe
inside his penthouse apartment.
An apartment which he's not allowed to leave
and is guarded by three FBI agents, 24 hours a day.
Two.
And you wanna do all of this in a building
with the most advanced security
and surveillance system in the world.
A building which we've all been barred from ever entering again?
Yes. How do you guys feel about that?
Well, I've really enjoyed myself.
Thanks for the crackers.
Mr. Fitzhugh, I know the money is in that safe.
How do you know?
Because in 2003, Shaw remodeled.
He spent like 10 million to blow out the kitchen, move the living room.
He even brought in some guy from China
to do a whole feng shui thing.
But he left one wall standing,
dead center in the middle of the apartment.
That's where he put the safe.
Maybe it's a load-bearing wall.
No. No, it isn't.
We have the same wall in my place.
We took it down when we first moved in.
The FBI can't find the money, because he hid it in the wall.
I know it!
So you guys in or out?
Mr. Fitzhugh?
Come back to me.
Mr. Dev'Reaux?
You know how many weeks I'd have to work at the BK to make 20 million?
18,600.
Charlie, come on.
Look at us. We're basically waiters.
That's what we do. We bring people stuff. We don't take things.
You and I know the movements of every person.
We know the schedules, deliveries and codes
for every door and window.
We've been casing the place for over a decade, we just didn't know it.
We didn't know it, because we weren't doing it.
But we were. No.
Okay, where do the Lippmans keep their passports?
In the freezer. Mmm-hmm.
How many in vitro fertilizations did Miss Hansen have
before she gave birth to Jonah?
Six. See? We know everything!
What's the pass code for Mr. Shaw's elevator?
I just press the PH button.
Come on, man. I need you.
Yeah, you need me, because you've got these idiots.
You think we're getting our money back?
You think Lester is getting his money?
I talked to the FBI. It's gone!
So all this is about getting it back for Lester?
Yes! And Rose and Miss lovenko and Manuel and you, you jerk!
Come on! Let's storm the castle together.
Oh, like when they went after Frankenstein?
No, it's a different kind of storming.
It's a storming where the peasants take everything back.
From like the feudal lords and...
I'm in.
Holy shit! I'm in.
Well, now we're undefeatable, aren't we?
Josh, we're not criminals. We don't know how to steal.
It's okay, I know someone who does.
Crack four!
(BUZZING)
You must have been saying your prayers, Slide.
You made bail.
JOSH: Slide.
Thought you might need a ride.
JOSH: I haven't driven my Nova for a few months.
Did you know that in Spanish "No va" means "It doesn't go"?
That's why they didn't sell many in Latin America.
I didn't realize Rikers was on an actual island.
I thought it was more of a... I don't know, like a...
You know, like the way Puget Sound is actually an inlet.
But they...
You hungry? Can I buy you some lunch?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Slide, what are you doing?
Tell me why you bailed me out!
Take your foot off the gas!
Answer the goddamn question first!
Slide! (HORNS HONKING)
Red light!
(SCREAMS)
All right, what's going on?
You wearing a wire or something?
Some kind of police undercover shit?
No, I'm not a cop!
Then you brought me out here for some kind of freak shit, huh?
You want to stimulate my nut sack. Is that what it is, punk?
No! Jesus!
Then what the hell we doing out here, man? I don't even know your name.
I'm Josh Kovaks.
Man in the suit. We talk almost every morning.
How come you bailed me out, man?
I need help with something, and I thought given our relationship
you might be willing to help.
Relationship? I ain't got no relationship with your ass!
Our history!
What history? I see you walking by every now and then.
I say, "Hey, what's up, little biatch?"
Just another passer-by going by.
Just another nigger walking by.
You don't remember 1971? Mrs. Saltzburg?
We used to get dropped off at her apartment every morning for day care.
In 1971 I'm six! How am I supposed to remember some shit?
Come on, Darnell, Mrs. Saltzburg!
Heavy-set German woman, short goatee.
Man, you call me Darnell one more time, I will beat you to death.
You don't remember Inch High, Private Eye?
Davey and Goliath? Remember Witchiepoo?
H.R. Pufnstuf. You got freaked out by her?
Remember that kid came over
and he stole my inhaler and I couldn't breathe?
(GASPS)
I do remember you!
You the little seizure boy that was having them seizures all the time!
No, I never had any seizures!
They were minor spasms of the throat.
And I remember you would start foaming up at the mouth
and your eyes would go crooked. It was very scary!
There was no foaming. That was you!
A lot of people have asthma when they're kids.
It's not a big deal. I outgrew it. No. Seizure Boy.
You'd be on the floor rolling all around. You was having seizures!
Asthma doesn't cause seizures, all right?
Oh, really? Then how come nobody wanted to play with your ass?
Nobody wanted to have naptime with you,
nobody wanted to do coloring with you or nothing.
Because of your little seizures
and didn't nobody want to catch that shit!
I'm gonna ask you one more time, punk.
Why did you bail me out?
Because I have a job and I thought that given your skill set
maybe you could help us out.
What kind of skill set is that?
Taking things that don't necessarily belong to you.
Oh, little Seizure Boy want to try to rob somebody, huh?
(CHUCKLING)
What you trying to steal?
$20 million.
Let's go get something to eat.
Hey, guys, this is my friend Slide.
You kidding, right?
These ain't the guys you wanna try to do this job with.
Yes, this is Charlie and Dev'Reaux and Mr. Fitzhugh.
This is a joke, right?
This guy is the big time criminal?
Hey, what you say?
All right, guys, take it easy. He's totally qualified.
He's been arrested a bunch of times,
he pays no income taxes, he's got two Doberman pinschers.
So let's show him some respect.
So now we're like The Doberman Gang?
Like the what?
It was a movie. They trained Dobermans to knock off a bank.
Is that the one where Gregory Peck was attacked by those dogs?
No, that's Boys from Brazil with the cloned Hitlers.
Oh, shit. You guys ever seen Boys Don't Cry?
When Hilary Swank plays that dude.
That scared the shit out of me.
Wait, Slide. Sit down and talk with us for a second.
These guys ain't got what it take.
I can look in their eyes and see it.
First sign of trouble, they're gonna be shitting in their pants.
They will not. You don't know them.
You want me to prove it?
All right, listen up,
y'all got 15 minutes to go out there and steal me something.
What do you mean?
You heard what I said. In this mall, right now, each one of y'all
go out there and individually steal $50 worth of merchandise,
come back and put it on the table. Then we'll talk.
Okay, 50 bucks, no problem. Come on.
Can I go with you, Josh?
No, you ain't going with Josh, you go by yourself.
Everybody going by theirself.
Anybody can't handle this, is out.
Okay. Guys, we can do this.
It's just shoplifting. You got 15 minutes, let's go.
And put your wallets on the table. I don't want nobody cheating.
I don't want y'all to go buy the shit and say you stole it.
All right, come on, let's go.
This is a part of our Sexy Little Things collection.
Oh, yeah, that's great. Love that. Yeah.
Would you like me to ring that up for you?
No, I think I'll just live with it a little first.
These are very pretty Bella earrings.
They're from our Timeless Collection.
Do you have any studs?
Yes, several.
Right here.
Do you have any hoops?
Sir, all of our earrings are on this display.
Do you have a catalog?
Uh...
I might have one in the back, let me check.
How do those feel?
They feel a little tight. Do you have them in a half size up?
Yeah, let me check the back.
Hey, them two pairs of drawers don't cost no $50.
JOSH: $12 scented candle.
Okay, we'll get to work tomorrow.
Wait a minute. We all just proved ourselves.
How do we know you can really pull this off?
You each stole $50 worth of shit,
I stole $264 in cash.
Rule number one, never give your wallet to a thief.
Later, bitches.
What are we doing up here, man? My balls are snow cones.
Can I get my jacket?
SLIDE: Everybody shut up, right now.
In a robbery, things can change quickly.
It can go from hot to cold, just like that.
You have to be ready to adapt to the situation.
You have to be able to think on your feet.
I was on a job a few days ago where my homie got shot in the face.
He's kidding, right?
Get shot in the head, it's over.
If you get shot in your head, it's over. If you get shot in your face,
the bullet will go in your cheek, then come out the other side.
Then what you gonna do, sissy?
Die. I'm gonna die.
I saw a television show once
about a guy who got shot in the head with a nail gun.
He couldn't even remember how to chew anymore.
He had to put everything in a blender.
Yo, he couldn't figure out how to chew,
but he could operate a Cuisinart?
I don't think he operated it himself.
All right, could we just focus, please? It's 16 degrees!
That's right! Let's focus!
Now, earlier today I taught you all
how to pick a lock with a bobby pin.
I want y'all to practice on this door.
I've got bobby pins for all of y'all. Here's your bobby pin.
This is your bobby pin.
Here's your bobby pin.
This is your punk-ass bobby pin. Take it!
You unlock the door, you won't freeze to death.
I'm gonna be inside having sex with Rita.
Who's Rita?
JOSH: To get in the building, we have to avoid seven exterior cameras
and six doormen who work at two entrance points in rotating shifts.
Once inside, we'll be faced with four security officers,
who monitor a bank of 12 internal cameras,
as well as two floating security guards,
who vary the patrol route each day.
If we make it through all of that,
we still have to get through this gauntlet
of employees to get to the elevators.
Questions?
Yeah. Who's that girl in the red dress?
She got the kind of titties I like to play with.
That's Mary-Ann from sales. She's a lesbian.
Okay, that's irrelevant.
Mary-Ann is a lesbian?
She was married when she sold me my unit.
She makes lesbian sex with Lynn Rutherford from accounting.
Okay... Lynn is a lesbian?
Wait, I'm lost.
How many lesbians total do we have to avoid?
None. We're not avoiding lesbians.
I don't avoid lesbians at all. I seek lesbians out.
Lesbians got the nicest titties.
Straight women, they have guys
pulling and yanking on them and sweating on them.
Lesbians get touched delicately by other lesbians.
It's nice.
Did anybody take in what I just said?
Well, it seems like there's a gauntlet of lesbians.
No. The...
All right, I'm just gonna keep going.
JOSH: 1:27, NYPD makes third pass in front of the building.
The parking enforcement officer
only works the west side of the street.
She got a fat ass, too.
All right, baby, I'll call you after lunch.
I'm in a restaurant with Josh
and a couple of other guys across from The Tower.
Yeah. I love you.
What are you doing? It's supposed to be a secret.
I can't tell my wife I'm having a lunch?
We're not having lunch. We're casing the front of the building.
Now they can trace our steps back to us.
I didn't tell her what restaurant we were at.
You said, "The restaurant across from The Tower."
I didn't say which restaurant across from The Tower.
Geez, a hamburger's $24. We can't afford to eat here anyway.
Hey, we can order whatever we like, because
(WHISPERING) Lunch is on me.
This is the main electrical room.
You can override the elevators from here or shut them down completely.
Mr. Dev'Reaux, who took some courses at DeVry Technical Institute,
is gonna be our point man on this.
Online. What?
I went there to go get my master's in electronics,
but somebody said, "You got to go to college first."
I was, like, "Yeah, it wasn't in the brochure."
Okay, but you understand what...
Absolutely. I weld stuff and I'm, like, you flip it on and off.
It's all about power.
Hey, man, how is this supposed to be right if you made it out of Legos?
Well, the dimensions are completely accurate.
Yeah, who's this little nigglet? Webster?
Man, you might as well use Lincoln Logs or Tinkertoys.
I got your ski caps.
JOSH: What?
No, no, no. Ski masks. Masks.
Yeah, but the guy said that these were the warmest ever made.
With pompoms? You serious?
You're such an idiot. I need a mask. It has to cover your face.
Josh, let's say we get the money
and make it outside, then what?
Slide is the only one with no connection to The Tower.
So he's agreed to hold the money for a week.
Are you crazy? You're gonna give this guy $20 million?
He's a crook!
What you say? Say it again. I didn't hear shit.
Speak into the microphone! JOSH: Hey! Hey!
Why don't you say it again, punk?
Come on, Slide, no guns.
You running things now, huh?
Man in the suit got it all figured out?
No, man in the suit doesn't have it all figured out,
but man with the gun needs to understand
what man in the suit is trying to accomplish here, all right?
Why you talking like that?
You were talking like that! Why can't I talk like that?
What you think, this is a joke, Josh? We gonna just walk in there
and roll this dude for $20 million without a fight?
Look, no guns. End of story, all right?
What if we run into some shit in there we don't expect?
Trust me, there won't be any surprises.
(DOOR BELL RINGING)
(WHISPERING) It's the FBI lady and two cops.
Shit! We haven't done anything yet.
We're plotters. We've plotted. That's a crime, right?
Is that a crime?
Everybody, just relax.
You relax! I'm out on bail.
I'm gonna go in the closet. I'm coming with you.
JOSH: Guys, it's okay, I think she's here for me.
CHARLIE: Go find your own spot.
Hey, Agent Denham, what a surprise. What's with the police?
Josh, Arthur Shaw is gonna walk.
What?
The judge is gonna dismiss the case next week at his hearing.
They're acting like he's untouchable.
That's it? He just gets away with it?
That's not it.
He's threatening to press charges against you.
He wants you to answer for the Ferrari.
So they're here to arrest me?
He says he'll drop the whole thing if you apologize.
A sincere apology,
that's what Shaw wants.
And if I don't do it?
Then these gentlemen will read you your rights.
(DOOR OPENS)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
You know what's considered the greatest move in the history of chess, Josh?
A man named Frank James Marshall
was losing to a man named Levitsky in 1912,
world championship in Helsinki.
And it looked like Marshall had no chance until he moved 23 queen G-3.
He deliberately sacrificed his queen
and the move was so shocking and surprising
that Levitsky never got over it.
He lost the game two moves later.
And the move became known in the annals of chess as the "Marshall swindle."
I'm a very good chess player, but I'm no swindler.
What you did to my Ferrari was the move of a small man.
But now it's my move, and I'm not sure how I want to play this.
All I'd like to say, Mr. Shaw,
is someday I'm gonna find a way to make things right.
I don't care what I have to do,
I will find a way to pay you back
for everything that has been done.
Good, because I know how difficult it must be for you
to lose a service job like this at your age.
And one day when all this is ancient history, I hope you can come back,
maybe not as a building manager at first,
but somewhere where you can start over, earn our trust.
A doorman, for instance.
Now go home and practice your chess game.
I'll study the "Marshall swindle," sir.
Anybody can sacrifice their queen, Josh.
The real trick is getting away with it.
JOSH: Thanks for the ride.
Any time. Oh, God, wait a minute,
before you go, this is for you.
It's a present.
It's the footage of you beating the shit out of Shaw's car.
I took it from the security camera in his apartment.
You committed larceny for me?
Let's just say, I misplaced three minutes of footage.
Thank you. I'm touched.
You're welcome. Okay.
Are you working on Saturday night?
I'm always working.
Call in sick.
You're asking an FBI agent to lie?
I'm asking an FBI agent to dinner.
I'll see you Saturday night.
Good.
What the hell is that in your hand?
It's a present.
She gave you a present?
I don't know about the other guys,
but I don't want you seeing the federal agent anymore.
I'm not seeing her until Saturday night.
Oh, my God! He's dating her.
Relax, my social life and my criminal life are totally separate.
They're not separate if you're dating
the FBI agent who busted Arthur Shaw!
FITZHUGH: Shouldn't we be avoiding law enforcement?
I never saw an episode of Matlock
where the criminal banged Matlock!
Well, it don't matter. Is this the safe?
Yeah.
Then we have a really serious problem.
You saying you can't open it?
No, I'm saying I never worked on a safe like this before.
I usually break into strongboxes.
You never said it was a real safe made out of steel.
We're going after $20 million.
What did you think it would be? Wood?
What kind of thief can't open a safe?
Well, generally I rob balconies.
Balconies? Like a cat burglar?
That way I never get charged with breaking and entering.
And I never steal nothing over $1,000,
because in New York that shit is a felony.
What do you get? Like potted plants?
No, bitch! I don't be stealing no potted plants!
I steal mostly satellite dishes.
I got a friend of mine who be hooking up illegal DirecTV.
Hey, can your friend hook me up?
No! This is a bunch of horseshit.
Your thief isn't even a thief.
Hang on a sec. You can figure this out, right?
No, I can't figure this out.
I'm serious. You have to find a actual safe-cracker.
JOSH: Where am I gonna find a safe-cracker?
I don't know. You have to start thinking outside the box.
Shit, you got to find somebody with some safe-cracking history. Think!
So, Odessa, I think we should address the elephant in the room.
What the hell you just call me?
No, no. I'm talking about the anger you have for me.
How you blame me for losing the pension,
which is the last thing I ever wanted to happen.
I know you're a good man, Mr. K,
even though you ruined my life.
JOSH: Which is why I invited you here.
When I hired you, I made a note that
you worked for your father in Kingston.
He was a locksmith.
Yes, the best in Jamaica.
Uh-huh.
Did he teach you how to open locks
and doors and things like that?
There ain't no lock I can't get by, Mr. K.
I was just wondering, do you think you could open this thing?
That safe has a six-number wheel pack with a double-action fence.
Very tricky spindle.
Probably take me 15 minutes to open.
Fifteen minutes? Could you show us?
What's in it for me?
JOSH: 2:42, Lester at his post.
Couple of NYPD officers at the falafel cart.
Wait a second.
That's Charlie.
What's Charlie doing here?
Yeah, why is Charlie going into The Tower?
What did you do?
I went to talk to Mr. Simon. He called me, said he had a job for me.
He wants me to be the building manager.
He asked you to be the building manager?
Yeah, he offered me your job, so I took it.
That's ridiculous! You're not qualified.
But it's not ridiculous for you to rob $20 million?
I can't believe how irresponsible you're being!
You really think that you're gonna just stroll in there
like Robin Hood and his band of merry doormen
and outsmart the guys with ear pieces and guns?
Why is that so hard for you to believe, huh?
Why can't you just be my skinny Friar Tuck?
Come on! Who's Friar Tuck?
Friar Tuck is the guy who helps Robin Hood!
I can't do this, Josh.
You put one foot inside The Tower, I'm gonna call in a Code Blue.
It's black. It's Code Black!
You call it black, I call it blue.
Maybe I made up new codes, because I'm in charge of The Tower now.
I'm warning you, Josh, come near, it's a Code Blue-Black.
ODESSA: First thing you do, you have to find the entry point.
You have to use your fingers when you find the entry point.
It's all in the touch.
You married?
Say what? You married?
No, I ain't married.
What's up?
Just taking a poll.
Taking a poll?
I'll take your poll.
(CHUCKLES)
Why did you call me here?
I got a call two hours ago
from Judge Hollingsworth's clerk.
They're moving Arthur's court date up to Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving?
The judge wants to avoid a media circus on this,
let him walk as quietly as possible.
It's an act of contrition.
By the way, Agent Denham,
I'll be pressing charges against Josh and all his accomplices
the moment I step out of court.
Come on, he did what you asked, he apologized.
It's time everyone paid for their mistakes.
I agree.
(RINGING)
Hello.
There's something that you need to know.
They moved Shaw's court date up to Thursday, and he's coming for you.
You'll be in jail by the weekend.
That really messes up our plans, doesn't it?
(CHUCKLES)
Josh, you need to get yourself a lawyer.
Take care.
Great news, it worked.
We're good for Thanksgiving.
My sister will be taking the Q train
to my uncle's house in Brighton.
She cooks for him every year.
How am I gonna know what she looks like?
Here.
Got it. Okay.
(WHISTLES BLOWING)
"I know some of you believe I'm the reason
"Paul McCartney didn't buy an apartment here in 2008.
"Maybe I did get a little confused
"about the meaning of the word 'wanker.'
"Maybe you heard about the Mrs. Jin incident.
"I know that I'm not Josh Kovaks.
"But today I am your leader.
"And today is Thanksgiving, the toughest day of the year for The Tower.
"Forty-three parties, close to 500 guests, 30 caterers,
"all of Garage 2 blocked until 4:00.
"Today, you might say, is our Super Bowl.
"Today, you might say, we will not lose."
Booyah.
MATT LAUER: The start of Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade is just moments away.
Three million people will line the streets of this city.
Fifty million more will watch from homes
all across the country and around the globe.
When the parade begins, all eyes turn to the sky
as the largest balloons in the world soar above this city.
It's a sight that brings out the child in all of us.
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
Hey, Josh, here's your sister's phone.
Great.
She's really hot, by the way.
Watch your head, Mr. Shaw.
Where's Slide?
He's supposed to be here.
(SIREN WAILS)
They're on the move.
JOSH: Wait a sec.
Oh, God. ENRIQUE: What?
What is it? It's Slide.
Is he coming up here?
Shit! ENRIQUE: What is he doing?
He's wearing my suit.
He stole my suit.
He's heading for The Tower.
Well, that's not the plan.
How do you forget a plan? Didn't he write it down?
He didn't forget it.
All that time he spent with Odessa,
he thinks he can open the safe.
I don't understand.
He's going for the money.
Didn't I tell you he would screw us?
What are we gonna do?
We stick to the plan.
We go on Snoopy.
Holy shit! You guys are not gonna believe this.
That girl that moved into 4811?
She's in French Playboy this month.
And in French Playboy, they're even more naked.
Mrs. Goshen is looking for a Turkish loose tea,
an orange pekoe or mint melody.
Well, just send her an assortment, Rose.
"I'm at Lenox Hospital, my water broke."
It's happening. Rose, cover for me.
I'm having a baby. I'm having a baby!
Excuse me. I'm having a baby.
(CROWD CHEERING)
Guys, check it out. Snoopy.
MAID: I like Snoopy.
Yeah, it's Snoopy.
DOORMAN: Snoopy! BOY: Snoopy!
It's Huang's birthday! Everybody come and sing.
Ron, Manuel, come and sing.
Come on, everybody. Everybody come on, come on now.
Everybody come on now.
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
(ALL SINGING)
So what happened to Mr. Larkin?
We had to fire Mr. Larkin.
He was involved with some illicit sexual behavior
that we at Chase Manhattan just will not tolerate.
If you wanna wear a black leather hood and whip your own ass,
work at Bank of America. (LAUGHS)
So you'll be taking over his account, Mr. Davis?
Yes, I will. Working holidays?
We've been very patient with you
with regard to the Fitzhugh foreclosure, but the bank is ready to sell.
And we'd like to personally offer you a finder's fee
if we can move the remodel along.
A finder's fee? Mmm.
We just started demolishing the apartment.
The place is gonna look like new.
It's going to be one of the finest units of the building.
I'd love to see it. Can I see it?
Here you go. There you go.
(PEOPLE LOUDLY CHATTERING)
Well, looks like the staff is having a little party.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
We were supposed to be in that elevator.
Come on.
We have to go up. Let's go.
ENRIQUE: All the way to the top?
So, as you'll see, this entire apartment is being redone.
All new appliances.
Floor-to-ceiling windows.
Hardwood floors.
Oh, hardwood floors. That's nice.
Tell me, are you gonna do the closets over?
Yes, right this way.
Oh, yes. This way.
This is the master bedroom closet.
It'll have new sliding racks.
And what beautiful doors. Are these doors made of mahogany?
SIMON: Mr. Davis? (CLEARS THROAT)
Excuse me, Mr. Davis. I'm locked in the closet.
(STEREO PLAYING LOUD LATIN MUSIC)
Hello?
Sorry, no cleaning now.
It's okay, I'll come back.
Do you want some cake?
We're celebrating a birthday downstairs.
No, thank you.
It's amazing cake, are you sure?
I'm allergic to chocolate.
I break out in hives. I can't touch it.
Bumbaclot!
You should have tried the cake, man.
(PANTING)
(MOTOR POWERING DOWN)
JOSH: Odessa, did he take the cake?
He's allergic to chocolate. I had to beat him.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
ENRIQUE: Oh, shit.
The maid has gone rogue!
JOSH: Put him in the chair.
FITZHUGH: Very spacious.
Got it! Come on.
(BANGING)
Yeah.
This is incredible. Yeah.
I have to hand it to you, Mr. Kovaks, you were right.
SLIDE: Move away from the safe.
I ain't gonna say it again. Back up!
Are you serious? What are you doing?
Hey, Josh, I'm a thief.
I keep telling you I'm a thief, but you don't want to believe it.
I know exactly what I am. You're the one that's confused.
Now back up before I pop a cap in your ass.
No.
No?
Yeah, no.
Look at my face.
You see how serious I am.
I'm pretty serious, too.
Are you ready to die, bitch?
That's my suit.
Yeah, I got on your suit and your drawers and socks, too! So what?
I want my suit back.
I will blow your face clean off your face! Now, back up!
You think I'm gonna let this shit get away? (GUN COCKING)
ODESSA: You don't have a choice.
I brought my own gun.
Now put your shit down, nice and slow.
You mess with me, you're a dead man. Now drop it!
SLIDE: Okay, all right, all right, all right.
I'm putting it down right now.
Take it easy.
On the ground, you punk-ass bitch!
Bitch, on the ground! We had a plan! Take it easy.
We had a plan! Fitz, calm down.
Come on now. Shit! Fitz, take it easy.
Be cool with the gun, man. Okay. All right.
Relax.
I'm relaxed, you relax!
You sissy... You bitch!
(LOUD LATIN MUSIC PLAYING)
(SHOUTING)
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, America's queen of comedy,
Joan Rivers.
And here's Kanye West.
Charlie, what are you doing back?
Rose, please. I feel like my head's gonna fall off.
I raced over to the hospital, she's not there. I can't find her.
I get into an argument with 15 doctors.
I said, "Where's my wife?" They said, "Your wife's not here."
I called my Uncle Marty in Brighton.
I say, "You got to get over here.
"She's not here. Nobody can find her."
He said, "What do you mean no one can find her?
"She's in the television room, watching television."
I said, "Are you kidding me? Put her on the telephone."
He puts her on the telephone.
I said, "What are you doing? Your water didn't break?"
"No." "Your vagina's not dilated?" "No."
I said, "Why did you send me a text message?"
She says, "I didn't send you a text message. I can't find my phone!"
Have you seen Josh?
Manuel, will you show me the penthouse hallway?
MANUEL: These FBI guys are always falling asleep.
Where is Mr. Simon?
He was showing Mr. Fitzhugh's old apartment to some guy.
Manuel, do you think something strange is going on?
They cut Miss Piggy from the parade.
I think that's strange.
Well, it's been nice meeting you, Agent Denham.
You know, I'm still trying to decide if I should go after your badge.
Either way, no hard feelings on my part.
Maybe we could have dinner sometime, my treat. Huh?
Can I help you?
We have a meeting with Judge Hollingsworth.
Judge Hollingsworth is down in D.C.
He goes down every year to spend the holiday with his daughter.
Are you sure?
There's no one here today, ma'am. It's Thanksgiving.
What the hell is going on?
Back in the car.
Wait, no. Wait a second. Back in the car.
Wait a minute!
Three, four, five,
six, seven, eight.
(LOCK CLICKS)
You open it, Mr. K.
Wow.
FITZHUGH: Oh, my God.
This can't be real.
SLIDE: Empty! After all this shit, it's empty.
Man, what kind of...
Give me my gun back.
This is over. Give me my gun...
I might need it to get out of here. I'm not giving it to you.
Stop bullshitting and give me the gun. No! I don't want to.
Give me the goddamn gun! Fitz, give him the gun!
Give him the gun! Guys. Guys!
What the hell is wrong with you, man?
You gonna kill somebody in here!
Sorry. ENRIQUE: What the hell, man?
Give me that crowbar.
ENRIQUE: What? Did you find something?
What is that? Gold.
ENRIQUE: Real gold? FITZHUGH: Holy shit.
The hood is solid gold. Do you have any idea what that's worth?
It's not just the hood. It's the whole car.
This is where he hid the money.
This car must weigh 2,000 pounds.
Sixteen ounces to a pound, that's 32,000 ounces.
The current price of gold is $1,872 per ounce.
Josh, it's about 45 million.
ODESSA: Jesus! $45 million?
Give or take 10 million.
Give me that crow bar. I am going to break a chunk off this bitch.
Are we going to chop it up?
ENRIQUE: How we gonna do that?
Why don't we take the whole thing?
What?
What are we gonna do? Roll it out the front door?
It's not gonna fit.
It is too big. It won't go through the door.
Man.
And the doors in Fitzhugh's apartment are torn out.
Too bad it is six floors down.
Shit!
How much you say it weighs?
(CROWD CHEERING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
It has to be green, because green means go.
It's moving.
This is crazy.
Josh, this is really crazy.
Okay, all right.
JOSH: Got it? SLIDE: Yeah.
(GRUNTING)
All right.
Hey, do you know of any reason
somebody would want you out of your penthouse right now?
No.
Mr. Shaw, I think you're being robbed.
This is a bad idea. Really? Which part?
The part where you screw us over
and try to take everything for yourself?
Even when you were six you couldn't share.
Maybe I just didn't want to share
with your silly seizure-having ass.
All right, you know what? That's it!
I don't want you talking to me for the rest of the robbery.
JOSH: Okay, take it up.
All right.
JOSH: All right, lower it.
(SNORING)
JOSH: A little more. A little more.
Okay, stop!
Grab it, Fitz!
You have to reach out and pull it in.
I really don't want to do that. I wanna go home now.
Home to my old life.
Do you have any idea how happy I used to be?
My wife and I flew first class to Greece.
We swam naked.
We ate lamb. (SOBBING)
Stop acting like a bitch and pull that shit in!
He's freaking out. We have to get down there.
JOSH: Shit.
What are you doing?
That's it, we popped.
We are not popped.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna shoot this guy in the foot when he comes in
and you are gonna slam the door in his face.
No, that's a bad idea.
You shoot the FBI agent in his foot, he is gonna come in here
and he is gonna shoot a nigger in his ass. It's over.
All right, great. You give up then.
I'm out of here. Hey!
I can do it. I'm no bitch.
Yeah.
Okay...
I can do it.
It's kind of like sailing.
SLIDE: Keep moving!
Easy! Easy! Easy! Easy!
I'm not going out there.
I got it!
Oh, no.
(SCREAMS)
Yo, we got a dangler!
FITZHUGH: Help me!
ENRIQUE: Fitzhugh is dangling!
FITZHUGH: Shit! JOSH: Fitz!
Help!
I'm gonna fall!
Josh, help me!
I don't want to die.
JOSH: There's a rope.
Grab the rope!
I can't!
Listen to me. No!
Take your hand off the car and grab the rope!
It's your only chance!
JOSH: Yeah! Reach out!
(GRUNTING)
FITZHUGH: It's too far!
JOSH: No, it's not!
I got you. I got you.
I got you. Come on.
What are you doing, man?
We're stealing the car.
FBI, you got to let us through.
Can't. The parade is coming right at us for another half hour.
You're gonna have to go around the entire park. I'm sorry.
(GRUNTING)
SLIDE: Holy shit! Whoa!
CHARLIE: Josh.
ENRIQUE: Fitzhugh! What's happening? Are you okay?
Come in. Fitzhugh!
Dev'Reaux.
Charlie?
Where are you? The roof!
We need to swing the car over to the window.
CHARLIE: Dev'Reaux, I'm gonna try and reel the car in,
but I'm gonna need your help.
I'm starting to get kind of queasy.
Fitzhugh, get the rope. We're gonna hook it.
I'm gonna call Ralph. What?
I'm getting ready to call Ralph. Who's Ralph?
(RETCHING)
CHARLIE: Pull!
(BOTH GROAN)
Hi, guys.
CHARLIE: God damn it, Josh.
You realize what you have done to me? You have ruined my life.
Do you understand that I'm a part of this now?
And for what? So you could steal a car?
Yeah, worth 45 million, made out of gold.
Gold?
It's worth 45 million?
Give or take 10 million.
JOSH: All right, come on. Let's push it into the elevator.
I don't think it's gonna fit.
No, it won't fit in the elevator.
But it doesn't have to.
I'm stopping the elevator right under you guys.
Okay. So what do we do when we get it downstairs?
We'll think of something. Check the glove box.
Keys have to be here somewhere.
I don't see any keys. Nothing.
Holy shit!
CRONAN: Josh.
Can you take Lucy on a walk for me?
My feet are swollen, and there's a goddamn parade.
You know, now is not a great time, Mrs. Cronan.
Charlie,
give her one of those liver treats that you keep on your desk.
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Agent Claire Denham requesting backup
at The Tower on Central Park West.
(ALL GRUNTING))
Okay.
(CROWD CHEERING)
JOSH: All right. On three. One, two, three.
CHARLIE: Come on.
SLIDE: Easy, easy, easy!
JOSH: Okay, it's stable.
That wasn't so bad.
(LUCY BARKING)
(YELPS)
Whoa!
What's happening? Why are we moving?
It's security! They're overriding me!
(WHISPERING) It's the lobby.
Shh!
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
(LUCY BARKING)
Fitz. Take her! Take Lucy! Here.
What? What?
Okay. I got her.
No, no. No!
JOSH: Stop, stop, stop, stop!
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
I think they're gone.
We need to get out of here right now.
Slide. Yeah.
We got to use the truck. Where are the keys?
Under the sun visor.
You leave the keys? In New York?
It's a stolen car.
You brought a stolen car to a robbery?
(CROWD CHEERING)
JOSH: Lester, you still there?
Yeah, I'm here. I'm holding four cabs at the north door.
Slight change of plan.
There's a white truck parked on 60th and Broadway, keys on the visor.
You got to back it up to the elevator.
I'm on my way.
Mr. Shaw, tell me about this safe.
It's empty.
Doesn't matter if it's empty or full.
A hidden safe was never mentioned
in the inventory of your apartment.
You neglected to inform us,
which is a violation of your parole, therefore...
Where is my car? Where is my goddamn car?
I hereby remand you to federal custody until your real court date.
You just forfeited $10 million.
You think I care about $10 million?
You think I care if I spend a few nights in jail?
We both know I'm going to be out by the weekend.
But you let that car leave this building
and I promise you won't get off so easy.
Take him away. Lock it down.
This is Agent Huggins. Lock down the building.
Show me the garage.
Okay. Yes, ma'am.
They got the car. Come on! Come on!
CLAIRE: There they are!
Here we go, baby.
(HONKING) Move out of the way.
(YELLING)
Go. Go.
(LAUGHING)
CLOWN: Get out of the way!
(SIREN WAILING)
Careful. Careful. Jesus Christ!
Freeze! Do not move!
(SIGHS)
Open it.
Son of a bitch! It's a diversion.
Lester, they are gonna get hurt. There is no way out of this.
I don't know what you are talking about.
All I did is steal a truck and try to commit suicide.
FBI AGENT 1: Mr. Fitzhugh? FBI. You're under arrest, sir.
Oh.
Please put your hands behind your back.
FBI AGENT 2: Miss Montero, FBI, you're under arrest.
Charlie Gibbs, FBI, you're under arrest.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say, can and will be
used against you in a court of law.
You have the right to an attorney.
Mr. Dev'Reaux, FBI. Show me your hands. You're under arrest.
Show me your hands, Josh.
It was smart.
Thanksgiving, the parade, changing the court date,
using Lester as a diversion, lying to me.
We have reservations Saturday night at six different restaurants.
I'll give you the names if you wanna check.
That's okay, I trust you.
Where is my car?
Do you mean the car made of gold?
Gold melted down from the money you stole?
I haven't seen it.
They'll find it.
And when they do, my friends on the bench will take no pity on you.
They'll make sure you go away for a very long time.
See, you people are working stiffs,
clock punchers.
Easily replaced and erased.
And just know that while you are all sitting in jail,
I'll be right up there in the penthouse
of The Tower, doing what I do best.
We may be going to jail for a few years,
but you, you're going for the rest of your life.
How'd you figure that?
I found your ledger.
You know, the one that you stuck
in the owner's manual of your Ferrari.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
I'm guessing you don't really care about the car.
You could care less about 45 million,
but I bet you want that ledger back.
Am I right?
What do you think you're doing?
Sacrificing my queen.
Okay, you and I are gonna make a deal, Josh.
A deal that will make you and your friends very wealthy.
Do you think that car has value? Multiply it by 10.
In cash.
Dev'Reaux, will you please remind Mr. Shaw?
I'm very sorry, Mr. Shaw, but we don't accept tips at The Tower.
Checkmate.
(LOUD LATIN MUSIC PLAYING) (BANGING ON DOOR)
Hello!
We've got FBI agents and police all over the city.
We know about your friend Slide from Astoria.
Your little trick with Lester may have
gotten the car out of the building,
but it's just a matter of time before we find it.
Who is this?
Director Mazin.
I am Mr. Kovaks' attorney, Miss lovenko.
I will be representing all the defendants in this case.
And you're licensed to practice in the state of New York?
I passed the bar three days ago.
I'd like to request the immediate release of all the defendants.
(SCOFFS)
On what grounds?
These are Mr. Shaw's hand-written notes
detailing his fraudulent business practices.
There are names, dates, account numbers.
My guess is you'll find enough evidence in there
to put him away for a very long time.
But this only happens if my clients walk.
You've been a lawyer for less than a week
and you're trying to bribe the United States government?
Sharks are born swimming, sir.
I'll let everyone walk but Kovaks.
As a first-time offender, he'll probably get two years for the car.
Best I can do.
Nobody else will be charged?
FEMALE NEWS REPORTER: New evidence in the Arthur Shaw trial
has prompted a new plea from the accused swindler.
Sources are now confirming that Mr. Shaw
will enter a guilty plea next week.
Are we gonna do this or what? Mmm-hmm.
Hallelujah!
Welcome to the penthouse, Mr. Shaw.
PRISONER 1: Look who's coming now.
(PRISONERS CLAMORING)
PRISONER 2: Wait until I get a hold of your wrinkled ass.
PRISONER 3: He looks good!
(DOOR BELL RINGING)
Are you Rose Demato? Yes.
Sign right here, please.
All right, thanks.
(GRUNTING)
(LAUGHING)
It's a gold wheel!
(ALL LAUGHING)
(YELLING)
(LAUGHING)