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It's me, hon.
Listen, I'm in a hell of a bind here.
I got more problems then I could deal with on my own.
I need you to come on over.
For Pete's sake, it's nothing I'd care to discuss over the phone.
Would you just get yourself over here?
It's a fine day today, folks.
It's 1981--
145 years to the day
since our great state of Texas declared its independence.
And, boy, I got some Texas tunes to play for you today.
This is 97.9 Country,
coming at you Like a rattlesnake.
Lorna.
I came as soon as I hung up the phone.
Oh.
For heaven's sake,
whatever's happened to Dale?
Dale's fine.
I just knocked him over the head with Mama's cast-iron skillet--
nothing a bag of ice can't take care of.
Jesus, Lorna.
What did you go and do that for?
I was just trying to have a polite conversation
between two married individuals,
but you know Dale.
You can't have a civil debate with the man without things turning ugly.
Well, Dale was never one for polite conversation, that's for damn sure.
Forget about Dale.
I got more pressing matters on my plate than his bruised head.
What's going on?
It's a wild story, Tiny--
a real wild story. You ain't gonna believe it.
No, you know me, Lorna. I believe in stories--
probably why I get myself into so much trouble.
You hear about this?
- The bank robbery down in Red County? - Mm-hmm.
It's been all over the news what happened two days ago.
The police is out still looking for who done it.
You can't turn on the damn TV without hearing something about it.
A man wearing a stocking over his head
just waltzed into Waldorf Savings & Loan,
tossed a bag on the counter,
pointed a revolver at the cashier and said,
"Good morning there. It's your time to shine.
Fill the satchel, hit the floor, and all will be well."
I heard a heck of a lot of money has gone missing.
$100,000, all cash.
I didn't think there was that kind of money in the whole state of Texas,
never mind a bank in Red County.
- Go ahead, have one of mine. - Mm-mm, those things will kill you.
The light cigarettes you smoke
will kill you just the same, only slower.
Don't hound me for trying to buy
a little bit of extra time on this earth
in case something worthwhile comes up.
Now tell me about this great robbery.
I know who went and done it.
You what?
I know who done it, Tiny.
It seems that Dale here
forgot to make me privy
of certain unsavory activities in the last few days.
You mean Dale gone and robbed that bank?
That's exactly what I mean.
Lorna, just because a man held up a convenience store
a couple of times in his more wild and woolly days
don't mean he's a bank robber.
- Five. - Five?
He robbed five convenience stores.
It was high time he graduated to something bigger.
How are you so sure he done it?
You know why they call it Red County?
Why?
On account of the iron ore in the soil,
makes all the dirt red down there.
Lorna, now he could have picked up that dirt from anywhere.
Tiny, the soles of them boots are redder than an Indian's face in the sun.
That is Red County soil, that's for damn sure.
And Dale's got no business in Red County,
not to mention
that I only got me one good pair of hose,
and they're nowhere to be found.
He went and took his wife's own hose.
Can you believe the nerves of that man?
He probably expects I was never gonna find out.
God, if dumb was dirt,
Dale would cover about an acre.
So I called me Mr. Gale down at Gale & Sons--
you know, where he works selling the modular kitchen cabinets.
You know what Mr. Gale tells me?
I hope you enjoy Gardendale, Lorna.
Gardendale?
That's near Lamar County.
Seems Like Dale here
filed for a transfer two days ago.
He what?
Mm-hmm. Ain't that a hoot?
Figured he'd skip town without so much as raising an eyebrow.
It don't take much to flee to Mexico from there.
- Son of a bitch. - Yeah, my sentiments exactly.
$100,000, Tiny--
that is a hell of a lot of money.
And he wasn't gonna share a penny of it.
What are you gonna do about it?
I figured I'd rather split that money with a good friend
than let that thieving dog of a husband get away with it.
I ain't gonna sit here and disagree with that.
- But one thing. - What's that?
Where's the money?
That's what I'm fixing to find out.
What the hell?
Welcome back, hon.
Oh, what's going on?
Sorry, Dale, but we got pressing matters to discuss
and I need the benefit of restraints.
You know how you can get.
You get me out of here right this minute,
or I swear I will kick in every single one of your teeth one at a time, Lorna.
No need to get confrontational now, Dale.
I need you to talk and I need you to be composed.
I will give you composed.
What did I tell you?
- Not gonna give it up without a fight. - Mm-mm.
What the hell is she doing here?
I needed a friend.
When you find out that the man that you love is nothing but a rattling snake,
sometimes a friend is all you got.
Amen, Lorna.
What are the two of you on about?
We're talking about the great robbery in Red County.
What, you didn't think I was gonna find out?
I--
- Ask him where's the money. - Where's the money, Dale?
Wh-- what money?
The $100,000 in cash
you confiscated from the Waldorf Savings & Loan.
I don't know nothing about no Waldorf Savings & Loan.
You didn't know about the string of convenience store robberies neither
- three years ago. - That's right.
Like hell you didn't. You even went and robbed
Ophenius Dunn's feed warehouse, Dale.
That was Mama's second husband.
Did you think he wasn't gonna identify you?
Well, I did not expect his identification of me
on account he wears trifocals.
I did my three years. I paid my debt to society.
God damn you, Dale.
You promised me. You looked me straight in the eye
and you gave me your word you were done with your criminal ways.
I am. That's a fact.
I ain't in the business of getting in trouble no more.
I'm straight as a duck with two good wings.
Is that right?
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Nothing but the joy of modular cabinetry
to keep me righteously occupied.
Well, then you'll gladly tell me
what that is on the sole’s of your boots.
What?
Do you know why they call it Red County, Dale?
No.
On account of the iron ore in the soil.
Iron ore in the soil?
Ho-ho! Whoo!
You sure got a hell of a fervent imagination, Lorna.
Did I imagine this?
Where in hell did you get a peashooter Like that?
I got it where I get all the things you're trying to hide from me--
underneath the floorboard in the bathroom.
I've never seen that before in my life.
You're lying.
What would you base that statement on?
On the fact that you never tell nothing but lies.
You was lying before you learned how to talk.
Nothing but the pure gospel truth ever passed these lips.
So you're telling me
that you don't know nothing about no robbery.
I know nothing about the robbery.
And you ain't never seen this gun before?
Yes, ma'am.
For crying out loud, where are my nerve tablets?
What are you looking at?
You got your mama's legs.
Mama's got real pretty legs.
They're long and white like Milkybars.
Mm, I always did want to bed your mama.
- God damn you, Dale. - I'm an honest man.
I swear to God,
if you have got the slightest shine for your life,
I suggest you tell me where that money is,
as I will not be responsible for my ensuing ways.
- Now wait just a minute. - What?
- You can't shoot him. - Why the hell not?
We are talking about a lot of money here, Tiny.
Right.
And Dale here
is one hell of a pertinacious individual.
Come on now.
He's gonna need a lot of coaxing to get that information out of him.
Lorna, I guess he is your husband.
You go ahead and shoot him. It ain't none of my business.
Oh, wait.
No need to turn belligerent now.
You ready to talk like civilized foIKs?
You know me-- nothing but civilized.
Honey, you scared me.
- You stole that money. - I did not take that money.
- Damn it. - Argh! I took that money.
Damn it, Dale, why the hell did you go and do that for?
It's in my blood.
I can't seem to stay away from institutions
that contain any significant amount of legal tender.
Oh, Jesus.
But I was gonna tell you all about it when the time was right.
Oh, and when would that be? When you're good and gone?
You never had a lick of confidence in me, Lorna.
That's what I'm talking about. That's one of my beefs.
I just figured a woman didn't need to trouble her pretty little head
with financial matters.
And I-- I-- I was working on it.
That's a man's job anyway.
You just let good old Dale take care of the details,
and it will all work out just dandy.
Nothing ever works out just dandy when you're concerned, Dale.
I admit the whims of fate have plotted against me in the past,
but I sense the winds of good fortune
are finally blowing my merry way.
To hell with your winds, Dale.
All I care about is that money.
Now where is it?
A safe place. Just get these restraints off me
and I'll take you right to it. I'll tell you everything.
Oh, not a chance in hell.
Well, we're gonna have to cooperate on this one, Lorna.
It is a tit for tat here.
He's not gonna talk.
No, I don't think he is.
You're gonna have to shoot him again.
- I think I just might. - Now hang on there.
If there is one thing I learned from being married to you for 17 years,
it's that I know you like the back of my hand.
- Wait a minute. - I figured out you stole that money.
Oh.
And I can figure out where you hid it, with or without your help.
What? What? What?
- Oh, I don't believe it. - What?
It's right here in this house, ain't it?
- No, it's not. - The money's here?
- No, it's not. - Oh, my God.
Leave it to Dale.
Who would be foolish enough to leave the stolen money
right here in his own domicile?
It's not here, I swear to God and all the angels.
What did I tell you, Tiny?
I married a Iying, cheating--
Shit.
Lorna.
Yeah?
Did you just go and kill Dale?
I do believe I just did.
Oh, my God, Lorna.
Oh, my God.
I-- I-- I-- I didn't know what happened.
I was just holding the gun like--
Well, Jesus, just put it down, will you?
I-- I didn't mean to do it.
I just get so worked up about all this business.
- The gun just went off. - Holy Jesus.
Dale's dead.
Well, I can see that for myself, Tiny.
Oh, my God, Lorna, you went and killed Dale.
Okay.
And now for something really special.
All right now.
- Okay. - Wh--? Wh--?
What's done is done. Everything is gonna be
just fine.
We gotta keep our heads together.
That's nice.
That's all better.
Now this is no time to be losing our wit.
We got ourselves a dead body here.
What are we supposed to do?
Well, I don't know, Tiny.
I've never dealt with a dead body before.
I thought you might, because you're the one that killed him.
Well, it was an accident.
We've got a hell of a situation on our hands here, Lorna.
Oh, Jesus.
I-- I--
I can't stand for him to stare at me like that.
- Would you do something? - Me?
I think I got something.
Uh...
This ought to do it.
Here.
No. What do you want me to do with that?
Put it over his head, would you?
You do it. You-- you just wait a minute.
I can't stand him staring at me like that.
- Well, then why don't you do it? - Because I shot him.
You gotta put the bag over his head.
My God, can I have a little bit of help here?
Do I have to do everything myself?!
Ugh.
Well, that's a bit better.
Better?
Lorna, that bag does not hide the fact
that there's a dead man underneath it!
Oh.
I never graduated high school or nothing.
Just give me a moment to think.
What the hell do you think you're doing?
I'm gonna call the police.
Are you out of your mind?
It was an accident. The gun just went off.
Tiny, we are in Texas.
There are no accidents.
There's alive and there's dead.
You didn't mean to kill him.
Who's gonna believe that?
We got a dead man tied to a chair and $100,000 missing.
We're gonna look real good in court explaining that story.
We? What do you mean, we?
I didn't kill nobody.
You think they'd care to split that hair?
You was here when it happened, and that's all they need to know
to lock us both away for a real long time.
Well, you think it was self-defense of some kind?
Well, I ain't no officer of the law or nothing,
but we got a man tied to a chair.
He don't seem to pose no immediate threat, now do he?
Jesus Christ, Tiny.
I don't know nothing about no self-defense.
It could be first-degree murder, for all we know.
Look, that money is here somewhere.
We got a whole new life to look forward to.
I am not gonna spend it in a goddamn cell, I can promise you that.
You know,
I remember hearing a story growing up.
What story?
My daddy worked the oil fields in Houston
before he moved out here.
Well, it was a while back.
He'd just started out as a field landsman
when one of the wells he was working on
just went and blew up.
Three men was buried alive.
They tried like hell to get them out.
Daddy said he could hear them
crying for help down there the first day.
But by the second day,
they didn't hear a darn thing stirring.
They figured they'd dig them out
and give them a proper burial, right?
But when they got to them,
there wasn't much left to do anything proper with.
What happened?
Bugs.
Bugs?
Them Texas bugs done got to them.
No kidding.
Oh, yeah.
Them Texas bugs can eat right through a metal can
if there's something tasty to get inside at.
They got jaws like lawn mowers.
They just up and left nothing behind.
I never knew bugs could do that.
Such is the wonderments of nature, Tiny.
So you're thinking...
I'm thinking,
what if we was to bury Dale out there like them oil riggers?
- Go on. - Chances are,
no one would ever find him in any recognizable form.
I mean, it's a big stretch of desert out there.
Full of all types of carnivorous critters.
Right. Earth to earth, dust to dust and all that.
- That ain't a hell of a bad idea. - Mm-hmm.
But it's gonna have to wait.
Why?
Because we gotta find us that money.
And I figure that we don't got a lot of time.
♪ Mm-hmm, lingering love ♪
♪ Well, well, won't let me be ♪
♪ Mm-hmm, lingering love... ♪
Watch yourself.
Dale was afraid of rats.
There's rat traps all over this goddamn place.
♪ Lingering love ♪
♪ Just won't let me be ♪
♪ Well, my baby, she's gone, but my love lingers on ♪
♪ And on and on and on ♪
♪ Linger-linger-lingering love ♪
♪ Just won't let me be ♪
♪ Well, my baby, she's gone, but my love lingers on ♪
♪ And on and on and on ♪
♪ Mountains tall and desert wide ♪
♪ Where can I run, baby, where can I hide? ♪
♪ Love for my baby won't behave ♪
♪ I guess it's gonna follow me to my grave ♪
♪ Linger-linger-lingering love ♪
♪ Just won't let me be ♪
♪ Well, my baby, she's gone ♪
♪ But my love lingers on and on ♪
♪ Lingers on and on. ♪
- Hope you're having a fine... - Ain't nothing but rat traps in there.
- Keep looking. - And now a great tune
to make your day even better.
How are you so sure the money is even here?
'Cause I know Dale. The money's here. I'm sure of it.
$100,000.
I can't even imagine what that might look like.
Yeah, it's more money than this town has ever seen, that's for damn sure.
You ever think about what you'd do with that kind of money?
I'd get the hell out of this place, for one.
Anyplace you ever thought about going?
I never really thought about it.
I guess I figured I'd never really get out of here.
Getting out of this town is all I ever think about.
You know, I hear Odessa can be really nice
if you know your way around.
Hmm.
Sounds like we got company.
Holy shit, Tiny. It's the law.
How did they get here so quick?
Oh, who else but Dale would hold up a bank
and hide out in their own home with all the evidence.
I told you it was just a matter of time
before they suspected I was married to a bona fide fool.
What are we gonna do?
Shit.
Come on, this way. Just you push and I pull.
Come on now.
Oh, God.
Push.
Oh, you got it. Oh, God.
That's good. Okay.
I didn't know they decomposed so quickly.
Ugh. All right.
- Clean that up a little bit. - Okay.
Oh, jeez. Hurry up.
How do I look?
- Blood. - Oh, God.
Shit.
Good morning, Sheriff Cooley.
Good morning, Lorna.
What can I do for you?
Looks like you're having yourselves a little event.
No event, Sheriff.
Just a good friend of mine stopped by
to pay a little visit.
Oh. Mind if I ask what's the special occasion?
Two friends don't need a special occasion
to share a little chat and some homemade lemonade.
Last I checked, fraternizing ain't against the law.
Is there something I could help you with today, Sheriff?
Yeah, is Dale around?
No. Dale's out.
Is that right?
I'm pretty sure that's his station wagon right over here.
Well, he didn't drive his car today.
As a matter of fact, Dale decided
to go for a little walk to clear his mind.
A bit hot for a walk, ain't it?
You know Dale, Sheriff.
He likes to do as he please.
What do you need to see my dear husband about?
Did you perchance hear about that holdup down in Red County?
Mm, the great robbery?
The one.
It's all over the news.
First thing that came to mind when I heard about it
was paying Dale here a visit--
you know, with his flagrant predisposition for thievery.
You're barking up the wrong tree, Sheriff.
Dale has long abandoned his criminal ways
for the gratifying world of modular cabinet sales.
Yes, so I've heard.
And how are things down at Gale & Sons?
Well, business has been a little slow,
as a matter of fact,
not a lot of demand for modular cabinetry of late.
About that lemonade--
I sure could use a glass.
Not really a good time, Sheriff.
We're having a bit of a girls' day.
Don't want to spoil it by dwelling
on Dale's past delinquent transgressions.
This won't take long. I'll just have myself a glass of lemonade,
take a little peek around.
Sheriff Cooley, if there's nothing I learned
from Dale's past scrapes with the law,
it's that you need yourself some kind of exigent circumstance
to come into my premises without a warrant.
And as far as I can tell, I don't see none.
Well now, I guess I'm gonna be hard-pressed
to get myself a search warrant, then.
I hear Judge Wallace likes to go hunting this time of year.
You know Judge Wallace?
I spent more time with that man than my own husband
during all them court appearances a few years back--
a hell of a fine man
with a real love for the great outdoors.
Mama's third husband goes hunting with him sometimes in Lamar County.
You really got the heart
to cut short the judge's hunting trip
just to get that warrant?
Judge Wallace is gonna have to make do.
Well then,
I guess you'll visit again once you get your warrant.
I'm just gonna be waiting here till I get that search warrant in my hands.
Oh.
What the hell is he doing?
Soon you'll be good and done with all of this, old fella.
Yes, you will.
We gotta keep our head on straight.
We don't got much time.
How long you figure before they get him that warrant?
Well, I don't know. A day, a few hours.
What I do know is Dale can't be here when he comes back.
Well, let's just bury him somewhere and let them bugs get at him.
- Holy Christ, Tiny. - What?
Well, the circumstances have changed.
That was a good plan before, but it ain't a good plan now.
We got a sheriff out there
who's watching us as we speak.
What are we supposed to do, just waltz a dead body right under his nose?
You're right.
You're right. The situation has downright thickened.
Let's just make a run for it.
Let's just get in the car, drive like hell
before anybody finds out anything.
Are you out of your little mind?
How long do you think
before they catch up with us?
It's all fine and dandy if you're up for one of them high-speed car chases,
but I for one am not about to try to outrun
an army of police cars in your run-down Pacer.
The damn thing needs a whole new transmission.
I've been meaning to take it to the mechanic and--
Oh, for God's sake, Tiny!
Now is not the time to be talking about no automobile maintenance.
I was just trying to be helpful, Lorna.
Well, there's no need to get hostile.
We just need to find ourselves a sensible solution here.
Well, what do you suggest?
Hmm.
Say we was able
to make Dale disappear
without so much as ever leaving the house?
When Cooley come back here with his warrant,
he walk around and he don't find nothing--
no Dale, no money--
what is he gonna think?
Go on.
He's gonna think
that Dale is good and gone...
took the money with him, leaving poor old Lorna behind.
A perfectly sensible assumption, knowing Dale.
Cooley'd be out there chasing a man that don't exist.
It's gonna take him a long while
before he figures anything out,
if he ever do.
Meanwhile...
Meanwhile, we find that money
and as soon as they look the other way...
We run like hell and just buy ourselves a whole brand-new life.
You catch on pretty fast.
I like where you're going with this.
- But-- - But?
Damn it, Lorna, how do we make Dale disappear?
That there is the pickle.
I think I just figured out a way.
- How? - You ain't gonna like it, Tiny.
Try me.
Oh, you ain't gonna like it one bit.
Lorna, if you have a way out of this stickler,
I would appreciate you letting me in on it.
Well,
you know how I fancy myself
a pretty efficient housewife when the need arises?
Last ThanKsgiving, Dale's folks was planning
to head on over to Farwell County
for that $6.99 buffet special at the Rose of Texas motel.
They get as far as Odessa when they was hit by a dust storm.
The highway patrol closed all the roads.
They said the cows was being picked clean off the fields
and flown up in the air like little old blackbirds.
It was a hell of a storm.
So at the last minute
they decide they're having Thanksgiving dinner with us.
Some foIKs have no manners to speak of.
Please, that is Dale's kin for you.
And you know how his mama can get.
That woman-- all she ever do is criticize me.
So...
I had just a few hours to scrub this place clean,
get rid of all the clutter.
I mean, it was no fancy Rose of Texas motel or nothing,
but God damn it, I had the house clean
and I had a 70-pound turkey with all the fixings
on that table by 9:00.
Now
a woman has got a number of tools at her disposal
to get things squared away in no time.
Take this electric carving knife, for instance,
with an ergonomic handle for easy maneuvering
and a 12-inch stainless-steel blade
to cut through the toughest of bones.
I can't picture this turkey's bones being any tougher
than a 70-pound bird.
I mean, the man had no spine, for God's sake.
You're not suggesting...
That's exactly what I'm suggesting.
You're thinking of cutting Dale up?
Well, I never took no science class or nothing,
but I figure the smaller the pieces,
the easier it will be to get rid of them.
With a turkey knife?
Well, Tiny, if we wasn't in such a tad of a hurry,
I would like to do things with a bit more finesse.
But we are dealing with time constraints here.
Look,
we'll get Dale
good and disappeared in a jiffy,
leaving not a trace of him,
like the man never existed.
Are you aware
that just a squirt of rust remover
can eat through just about anything?
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
Well, can you think of any other way to get through this mess? I can't.
Well, hell, Lorna, he's your husband.
If you want to cut him up, that's fine by me.
But I ain't cutting up no man into little pieces.
I suppose the good Lord
would want me to take care of this can of worms myself.
I really think He would.
On the other hand,
I don't think the good Lord would mind too much
if I asked my best friend to help me out here, due to the circumstances.
For heaven's sake, Lorna,
I ain't cutting up no man into little pieces.
The man sure liked a sharp pair of boots.
He knew how to wear them too.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Tiny, I can't do this.
- You what? - I can't do it. I can't do it, Tiny.
I loved the man.
I know he was a son of a bitch sometimes,
but I swear to God I loved him.
Don't go soft on me now, Lorna.
Oh, my God, how could I have gone and done such a terrible thing?
- He got me roses sometimes. - Lorna.
He'd bring them. And he could be so sweet.
Lorna, just pull yourself together now, honey.
- What have I done? - Just pull yourself together, Lorna.
Just pull it together.
Now is not the time to be reminiscing. We've got a job to do.
Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry.
Oh, my God, can You ever forgive me?
Oh, for Pete's sake.
Oh, God.
He was so sweet.
Oh, God.
God damn it, Lorna, stop that whining!
Now if we don't clean this up in a hurry,
we're gonna get into all sorts of trouble.
He called me his little yellow rose.
And I was his sweet desert rose.
And I loved him the most. I really did. Oh, God.
Just give me that knife.
He was so nice to me when he wasn't being a shit.
Oh, my God.
Hell of a good time we're having, huh?
Dale, can you ever forgive me? Please forgive me.
Oh, God.
Well, butter my ass and call me a biscuit.
Where did you learn how to work an electronical device like that?
Shop class.
- Shop class? - Yeah.
Remember last July
when I was laid off from work?
I had nothing to do but sit in front of a busted fan
and drink Wild Turkey all day.
I went and took shop class.
What on earth did you go and take a shop class for?
I guess I always kind of liked cutting stuff up.
Apparently so.
Now what?
The Crown blender, model 15D,
will easily grind ice without burnout
using a revolutionary
regular interval pulsation technique.
That's right.
Would you look at that?
Huh.
Is it supposed to be moving around like that?
- Oh. - Oh, Lord.
Oh, Lord.
- Oh. - Stop it.
Oh, jeez.
Oh, Jesus Christ, look at my ceiling.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
♪ Tell me you love me ♪
♪ Until the end of time ♪
♪ Tell me your love is mine ♪
- ♪ Tell me lies ♪ - ♪ Tell me lies ♪
♪ Tell me you want me ♪
♪ Forever and a day... ♪
♪ That's all you have to say ♪
♪ Tell me lies ♪
♪ The fool inside ♪
♪ Will believe the lie ♪
♪ My heart knows isn't true ♪
♪ But this lonely fool ♪
♪ Will fool the heart ♪
♪ To spend one night with you... ♪
♪ Tell me you need me ♪
♪ More than I'm needing you ♪
♪ Make me believe it's true ♪
♪ Tell me lies... ♪
Well, I'll be damned.
I've been after Dale to fix this thing for months.
I can't believe he actually did it.
Just like Dale to leave things halfway done.
Don't he know a woman need her appliances
in good working order?
Shit.
♪ I'll use your lies ♪
♪ As a fool's disguise ♪
♪ And my heart will never... ♪
What else we got to clean up?
♪ Know... ♪
A hell of a whole lot, Lorna.
♪ You'll love me ♪
♪ Until the end of time... ♪
Why don't we just burn this son of a bitch?
♪ Tell me lies. ♪
How are things going down at the Blue Iguana?
Mm, busy as a beehive.
Rose quit in May and they still haven't found her replacement.
I'm working every Saturday.
I guess that cuts into your social life.
Mm, I've managed.
I bet you have.
Jesus.
Go get something to put out this hellfire.
Oh, God.
Hurry up.
♪ If my heart had my memory ♪
♪ It would surely stop ♪
♪ Loving you ♪
♪ Remembering how much it hurts ♪
♪ Each time you break it ♪
♪ In two ♪
♪ If my heart only... ♪
Are you all right, Tiny?
No,
Lorna.
I am not all right.
I haven't been all right since you up and killed Dale.
Look at this place.
Look at us.
Well...
it's nothing a good bar of soap can't clean up.
Soap?
We're gonna need a little bit more than soap
to clean up this mess.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Earl, God damn it.
You scared the shit out of me.
I swear to God, Dale loves that dog
as if it's his own flesh and blood.
Earl, stop.
You're gonna track this mess all over this house.
My God, get out of here.
He seized Dale's hand.
Good.
I hope he comes back and cleans up the rest of this mess.
What the hell have you got to be so mirthful about?
Oh, God, Tiny,
you should see yourself. You look like hell.
Well, you just look dandy yourself.
Does this blood making me look fat?
God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, shoot. Oh, hell, Lorna,
I don't know how we're gonna get out of this,
but it's been good knowing you.
It sure has been a wild ride.
I'll be damned.
This place looks like it's seen
the Second Battle of Bull Run.
Hey. Ah.
Ah, don't try to be too smart.
Women don't fare too well when they try to be smart.
Man, my papa always told me
the good Lord never meant for women
to have idle time on their hands--
cause nothing but trouble.
Well, you gals have caused your fair share here.
Damn, there's more blood spilled in here
than there's water in the Rio Grande.
What the hell are you doing here?
You know him?
Oh, yeah, she knows me just fine.
Ain't that right, Lorna?
And I know you too.
Are you surprised?
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Maurice Doucette
and I know things.
Yeah, I know, for instance, your name is Tillie Belle,
but they call you Tiny on account you so goddamn skinny.
Yeah, you like to smoke light cigarettes.
You like your Jack Daniels with a Coke back.
You work Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays
at the Blue Iguana Bar on Main Street.
Past few weeKs, you've been behind the bar on Saturdays too,
till about midnight, I believe.
Yeah, am I forgetting something?
Oh, yeah.
You like to paint your toenails flame red.
Very nice.
How do you know all that?
Mm, how I know it is not as important
as why I know it. Ain't that right, Lorna?
What in Sam Hill is he talking about?
Oh.
Oh, you two gals got a lot of catching up to do.
And you're gonna have all the time in the world
once I'm out of your hair, okay?
That is, of course, after I get what I come for.
And what would that be?
Oh, Lorna, you disappoint me.
I thought you hired me
because you heard of my reputation.
I mean, you know I am pretty darn good at what I do,
like finding out things.
I mean, that's why folks call on Maurice Doucette,
P.I.
But I must admit I'm surprised how things turned out here.
God damn.
I mean, knowing what I know, I expected a whole different state of affairs.
See, I thought maybe one of you
or, hell, even both of you would be dead,
and Dale would be on his merry way out to Mexico.
Instead there's poor old Dale.
He's deader than Chief Billy Bowlegs
out of the Third Seminole War,
while you two gals are just having the time of your lives.
Damn, I never could understand women.
Why is he saying that you hired him?
'Cause I did.
That's right. She did.
She hired the darn best private investigator in the country.
Ain't that right?
Why would you hire a private investigator?
To catch that son of a bitch Dale cheating on me.
Yeah, and I did too.
I caught the fornicating husband right in the act.
I mean, like I said, I am the best.
I always knew he was a cheating dog.
I guess I just needed an official confirmation.
Well, I'm glad I could be of service.
Well, you was. Now you can leave.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. My job here is not quite done.
No.
You really think I was gonna let this little robbery business slide
and just collect my $200 fee and disappear? Huh?
What are you talking about?
Oh, I'm talking about dear old Dale
making away with $100,000 of Red County money.
Shoot.
That's a lot of dough.
I like dough.
It buys me nice clothes. I like nice clothes.
Well, that's just dandy.
What, did he go and rob that bank right under your nose?
No. Not quite, no.
No, I didn't add it all up until I saw the paper this morning.
Then it all made a whole lot of sense.
- What did? - Hell, when you spend all your time
following a man around day in and day out,
you get to know a few things about the fella.
And after I read about the robbery,
I put all the pieces together.
Yeah, Dale served two years
at Lovelady State for armed robbery.
The man used a Smith & Wesson Model 29
with custom-made Rio Rosewood grip
for all the holdups.
That's the same gun described in the paper.
And that's the same one right here.
And then there are the boots.
- Boots? - Oh, yeah, that's right.
See, I'm a fine boot connoisseur myself.
I can appreciate a fine specimen of custom-made footwear when I see it.
And the first time I laid eyes on Dale's boots
I knew I'd never seen a pair like that before.
What do Dale's boots gotta do with the robbery?
Ah, well, allow me to elucidate.
Now I visited
the Waldorf Savings & Loan after I read about the deed.
Yeah, and I made nice with the teller.
He's an old-timer.
He's as proud as a parade to be a part of the great robbery.
And he says to me that he was just standing at his window
when this highwayman just waltzed right up to him
and demanded the money.
He says the man acted like he owned the world
and, hell, wearing a pair of boots like he was wearing,
he might as well have.
So I asked him,
"What about the boots?"
And he tells me the man was wearing
the nicest footwear he's seen this side of Abilene--
a great pair,
a full-quill ostrich vamp
with a smooth, hand-stitched bovine leg.
One-of-a-kind footwear
and a Rio Rosewood grip revolver.
Now it's not every day
you see a man commit armed robbery sporting his favorite duds.
God damn it, Dale.
That is, of course, unless he was busy with less--
now how shall I say this?
--savory activities.
Ain't that right, Tiny?
I don't know what you're talking about.
You don't need to keep playing dumb, Tiny.
I know you was screwing Dale.
He didn't surprise me. But you--
I didn't know you'd stoop that low.
We've been friends for a lifetime. Shame on you.
I swear, Lorna, I didn't so much as touch the man.
Oh, you did a lot more than touch him.
Oh, yeah, after your shift at the Blue Iguana,
you two was fornicating like bunnies.
Go on, tell her what you done.
She ain't Iying.
No.
See, I got some pretty revealing photographs
of you two lovebirds getting intimately acquainted
in the bacKseat of Dale's car
parked right out behind the Blue Iguana--
hell of a classy spectacle.
How did you--?
What, how did I suspect?
Dale never smoked nothing but them stinky cigarettes
that smelled like hell.
And guess what I found in the ashtray of his car?
What?
Light cigarettes.
Shit.
Dale never smoked them light cigarettes in his life.
- Lots of folks smoke lights. - Oh, yeah?
And how many of them
work at the Blue Iguana?
You left clues all over Dale's car.
Oh, but then I found me
one hell of an incriminating evidence.
Ooh, this here is the real doozy.
- A flirting flip hair clip. - Oh.
It comes free with that odious hair spray you use--
what was it? Colossal spray. How does that ditty go?
♪ Colossal hair spray ♪
♪ More hold, less fray. ♪
It must have come off at one of them passionate rendezvous of yours.
What, did you think I wasn't gonna find out?
I seen the way he'd look at you.
Oh.
Hell, Lorna,
I don't know how it happened.
Oh, you don't know how it happened?
Well, I'll tell you how it happened.
You couldn't just go and beguile any man on this earth.
It had to be mine.
Dale wasn't much to look at, but he was my husband.
I thought we was best friends.
We are. That don't change.
Like hell it don't.
What about the money?
What about what you said about us finding that money
and then splitting it? Was you Iying?
- Was you? - All right, enough.
Now you'll have all the time in the world to have it out
once I'm good and gone, but let's get at what I'm here for.
The money, God damn it. Where's the money?
- See what you did? - What I did?
If you'd have trusted me, we wouldn't be in this predicament.
Oh, trusted you?
I mean, you could have just asked me about it.
Ask you about screwing my husband?
Well, we sure wouldn't be in this mess that we are right now.
How was I supposed to know that he was gonna up and rob a bank
in the middle of this investigation?
Well, he's your husband. Aren't wives supposed to know these things?
Will you two just shut the hell up?
God, I've had it up to here with your female chatter.
It's enough to drive a perfectly sane man fruity.
Do you mind?
We are trying to have a meaningful conversation here.
Well, you're gonna have that meaningful conversation in hell
if you don't tell me where that money is.
Do you think I'm stupid?
What are you talking about?
There's a sheriff's car parked right outside there.
You so much as breathe funny, and Sheriff Cooley will be at that door
faster than a fly on horseshit.
Well, no need to get hostile.
We don't know where the money is. Tell him, Lorna.
- She's telling the truth for once. - We have turned this place
inside and out. We haven't found a damn thing.
I could have sworn Dale hid the money in here.
She said she knew him like the back of her hand.
I guess the wife's always the last to know.
I don't believe you for a minute.
Why would we be Iying?
Because you're women. It comes natural.
Now one of you two damn squaws knows more than you're letting on.
I just haven't figured out which one it is yet.
What are you going on about?
God damn it! Drop the dumb act.
I know how it played out.
Now I know for a fact that Dale
jumped into the passenger seat of that getaway car when he evaded.
Huh? Yeah, that's right-- the passenger seat.
The bank teller swore to it.
And last time I checked, we wasn't one of them British Commonwealth countries.
No, sir, we do our driving on the left out here,
the way God intended.
So that means that somebody else was driving that car
when the thieving went down.
And I figure one of you two beauties is a coconspirator.
You was in on this since the beginning.
All right, but all I did was drive the car.
I mean, I borrowed Rose's Corvair so the law wouldn't be on our tracKs.
I can't believe my ears.
Well, Dale said he'd make it worth my while if I just helped him out.
Instead he was just planning to make a run for it
without saying so much as a goodbye.
What is so goddamn funny?
He went and double-crossed you too.
That's what you get
for leaving an adulterous dog in charge of the money.
He just went and promised me the moon.
Oh, and you believed him?
He was two-timing his own wife. My God, you're dumber than I thought.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up!
Lookie here,
you folks are really interesting company, all right?
And I would just love to stay and hear more
about the joys of holy matrimony
and the rewards of true friendship,
but I'm in a tad of a scramble.
I want the money!
I don't give a hoot what you have to do,
but you produce the cash or I will shoot you both dead
right here, right now, swear to God.
- Wait a second. - What?
I just thought of a place we ain't looked.
Where?
Well, it's a bit of a tight fit.
I don't think he could stash nothing down there.
Well, no, I bet-- I wouldn't be surprised if he put it there.
In fact, nothing about this whole goddamn affair
could possibly surprise me anymore.
Go ahead, lead the way.
Where does it go?
Outside.
I can hear the rats scampering between the walls at night.
Give us a screwdriver, will you?
Nah, I'll do the honors.
Now you're liable to have a gun stashed in there.
Aren't you the clever one?
My daddy always said trusting women is like
petting a rattler and hoping he don't bite.
Goddamn mousetrap!
God damn it.
Oh, God.
Oh, God. God.
God damn you.
My daddy warned me.
Figure it was self-defense?
Absolutely.
I concur.
I'll drink to that.
Here you go.
Oh, son of a bitch! Damn it.
You know what I think?
What?
You had no intention
of splitting nothing with me 50/50.
That's what I think.
You knew I was screwing Dale behind your back,
and if I know anything about you, Lorna,
you ain't exactly the forgiving type.
I think you was gonna take all that money
and just run.
And you know what else I think?
I think you know where the money is.
You're right.
I do know where that money is.
You do?
Sure.
Why don't you just lower them guns?
And we'll have a good talk about it.
You think I'm stupid?
Well, Tiny,
intellectual fancy
has never really been your oyster.
Well, then please
impress me with your acumen.
Where is the money?!
Easy-peasy.
Did you happen to notice
anything peculiar
about my dear old husband's fingernails this morning?
Can't say I ever paid Dale's fingernails no never mind. Why?
Well, if you had,
you would have realized there was all sorts of dirt under them.
Dirt?
Did you ever notice my daisies outside?
Yeah. What about them?
Do you think it's easy to grow
prizewinning daisies in this vicious heat?
I don't know.
Well, let me tell you,
you need a green thumb
and a perfect combination of potting soil
to grow those flowers out there.
It ain't no coincidence I was Miss Flower Fingers
of Clark County two years in a row.
Too much manure
and you got disease specimens
growing all kinds of lint.
You ever see a lazy daisy leaf
defaced by honey fungus?
I can't say I ever have.
Tiny, I hope you never do.
It is a sight you won't easily forget.
God damn it, Lorna!
We ain't talking about just dirt here.
We are talking
equal parts humus and manure
and a whole hell of a lot of charcoal.
It's as black as a burned-out spark plug
and it smells like hell.
I'd recognize my special blend of soil anywhere.
And Dale's fingernails was covered in it.
That's right.
That money is just sitting out there
underneath my lazy daisies.
You knew where the money was the whole time?
Sure.
As soon as I figured it out,
I didn't need Dale alive anymore, so I put a bullet in his head.
You what?
You heard me.
I shot the son of a bitch like a dog.
It weren't no accident.
I wanted him dead as soon as I heard about you two.
You murdered Dale?
On purpose?
Well, hell,
even a good woman's got a breaking point.
To tell the truth,
I wanted to put a bullet through your stupid little brain
the second you walked through that door.
But that would have spoiled all the fun.
Fun?
What fun?
To watch you cut your bastard lover up with a turkey knife.
What?
You crazy bitch!
Oh.
Oh, I should have known you was after something.
Dale always said you was like a kettle
that's just been on the stove for too long.
Sooner or later you was gonna blow up.
Well,
that bullet should have come to him as no surprise, then.
Oh, for Pete's sake, would you look at this?
God damn it, Dale-- on my favorite rug.
All that man ever do is create a mess.
God damn it, Lorna!
The law is right outside that door.
We have got Dale parts all over this place
and I'm pointing two revolvers at you.
How do you think you're gonna get out of this one, huh?
Well, I just thought of something
just a little moment ago.
I haven't worked out the details or nothing,
but I think it's gonna have to do.
Well, for Pete's sake,
what?
Oh.
Hmm.
No hard feelings, Tiny.
It's just the way the world worKs sometimes.
Some foIKs lose
so other foIKs can win.
♪ I'll bet she's making ♪
♪ Lots of wedding plans ♪
♪ So sure she's found herself ♪
♪ That special man ♪
♪ She's gonna find herself alone ♪
♪ And crying like me ♪
♪ You'll break her heart ♪
♪ The way that you've broken mine ♪
♪ Without a second thought or care ♪
♪ She's gonna be the next girl standing in line ♪
♪ Of fools that have ♪
♪ Your shame to bear ♪
♪ No need to try to warn her ♪
♪ Of this fate ♪
♪ That look upon her says that it's too late ♪
♪ Only tomorrow will know ♪
♪ If she's crying like me... ♪
Hello.
Step on it with that warrant, will you?
We're on our way, Sheriff.
You're listening to 97.9 Country.
♪ It's how you lie to me ♪
♪ When I'm too blind to see ♪
♪ And how you use ♪
♪ The love I give you ♪
♪ So carelessly ♪
♪ It's words you never say ♪
♪ And feelings you don't repay ♪
♪ In case you're wondering ♪
♪ That's how you're killing me ♪
♪ It's how you're no longer there ♪
♪ On nights we used to share ♪
♪ It's all the ways you find ♪
♪ To show me ♪
♪ You no longer care ♪
♪ It's how you stole from me... ♪
♪ The love that used to be ♪
♪ A broken heart ♪
♪ Can't beat ♪
♪ That's how you're killing me ♪
♪ It's how you always ♪
♪ Seem to notice ♪
♪ Someone else's eyes... ♪
♪ And how you turn away... ♪
♪ It's vows that once were made ♪
♪ And how they just seemed to fade ♪
♪ I know I've lost you ♪
♪ And that's how you're killing me ♪
♪ It's how you're no longer there ♪
♪ On nights we used to share... ♪
♪ It's all the ways ♪
♪ You find to show me ♪
♪ You no longer care... ♪
Let's go.
Wait right here.
I got the warrant. Open the door.
Open the goddamn door!
Fine. I'm coming in.
Put down your weapon!
She drew on me.
- Oh, my God. - What the hell happened in here?
LooKs like the handiwork of the devil himself.
I've been witness to a bloody occurrence or two
in my time as Clark County Sheriff.
Ed Crawford four years ago killed his wife with a hammer,
ripped her eyes out, threw them in the garbage disposal,
said she was looking at him funny.
It was a bloody mess.
But this--
I ain't never seen nothing like this as long as I lived.
I'm glad I put in for an early retirement.
A man's got to know when to throw in the towel.
How many do you reckon dead, Sheriff?
Hell if I know, Deputy.
I assume this is Dale
or some part of the man.
How about that?
Well, maybe that's him too.
Yeah, this one here is
right about done.
It's one heck of a mess.
What do you figure? She's done all the killing?
I don't assume we'll ever know what the hell went on here,
but she was definitely the last one standing.
It's hard to believe. She's so dainty-looking.
Money is one hell of a motivator, Deputy.
Where do you figure the money went?
The $100,000 from the robbery has got to be somewhere.
Yeah, it's blood money.
Better it stays where it is and don't cause no more problems to nobody.
Deputy
Looks to me that somebody
already went looking. This place is all tore up.
Ugh.
I got a finger here, Sheriff.
"To Lorna.
Love, Dale."
You reckon that's the wife's?
Well, that's Lorna, all right.
What's left of her.
Boy, what a way to go, huh?
Well,
may God keep her in His magnificent grace.
Amen.
Well, there's gotta be people that do this.
Deputy
Who's gonna give them a proper burial?
I don't give a damn!
Good God, let somebody else clean it up.
Poor devils.
Wouldn't want to be in their boots.
That's one hell of a mess they got left to sort out.
That's one hell of a mess.
- Oh, my Lord. - Deputy
If ever there was the right time to bow out...
How are you doing there, Sheriff?
You ever think you'd see me again?
We could have sworn you was dead, Lorna.
Well, I'm glad to hear that I have you folks thinking the worst.
I suggest you get that gun away from my head.
Why don't you make me, Sheriff?
I know better
than to ruffle a woman with a weapon in her hand.
Well, that's one thing you learned
that Dale never did.
Yeah!
I've got something to show you.
How do you like my do?
A real looker.
How did you like the little surprise
I left for the Clark County Sheriff's Department?
You gave them poor devils something to puzzle over.
I wanted to make it look like
the worst bloodbath in the history of Clark County.
Nobody's ever gonna be able to tell what happened in there.
But the law will be talking about it for a very long time.
You got that right.
Ooh, and they'll all be wondering
how such a sweet little thing like Tiny
could have gone and done such a devilish thing,
how she could have killed two grown men,
her best friend,
minced her up into little pieces,
leaving nothing behind but her ring finger.
And all the foIKs are gonna wonder
what happened to poor Lorna's body.
Yeah, the West Texas desert
is an awfully big place
with a lot of hungry critters in it.
No telling what became of her.
I sure am glad I wasn't the one to cross you,
'cause you have one hell of a mean disposition
when you put your mind to it, woman.
I have been known to hold a grudge.
Here you go, baby.
How did Tiny take it?
She figured out what she got herself into
the moment she saw my gun.
She knew she'd been had.
Oh, Emmett,
I got no wedding finger left for you to put a ring on.
Well, that's not gonna make us any less married, baby.
You was always such a gentleman, Emmett.
You make me feel real good about myself.
I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you
that you was different than Dale,
that you was a real man.
A real man.
♪ Mm-hmm, lingering love ♪
♪ Well, well, won't let me be ♪
♪ Mm-hmm, lingering love ♪
♪ Everywhere I go, it follows me ♪
♪ Linger-linger-lingering love ♪
♪ Just won't let me be ♪
♪ Well, my baby, she's gone, but my love lingers on ♪
♪ And on and on and on ♪
♪ Talk about love, a splendored thing ♪
♪ It can make a winter day seem like spring ♪
♪ But that same love can be so unkind ♪
♪ It's about to drive me out of my mind ♪
♪ Linger-linger-lingering love ♪
♪ Just won't let me be ♪
♪ Well, my baby, she's gone, but my love lingers on ♪
♪ And on and on and on ♪
♪ Mountains tall and desert wide ♪
♪ Where can I run, baby, where can I hide? ♪
♪ Love for my baby won't behave ♪
♪ I guess it's gonna follow me to my grave ♪
♪ Linger-linger-lingering love ♪
♪ Just won't let me be ♪
♪ Well, my baby, she's gone ♪
♪ But my love lingers on and on. ♪
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