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Liberty, this is control.
Requesting lunar orbit status.
Control, this is Liberty. Touch down in t-minus 20 and counting.
Approaching Terminator line.
Roger that. Be advised, radio static on the com.
Roger that. 7-10 plus VGX, landing window is up.
Landing vector approved... Engage the bay.
VGC 7-3-11.
Looking good. Landing vector optimum. Touch down in t-minus 12...
11, 10, 9...
8, 7, 6 ...
5, 4, 3 ...
2, 1.
Now lets, uh, drop the banners.
Oh, fu... Must we?
- The Eagle has landed, baby. - Please, keep that fool off the main frequency.
Are you getting a reading on you end too, Sanders?
Mission control, I can confirm vast quantities of Helium-3.
- The readings are even stronger this way - You're breaking up. Please be adviced you may be nearing meteor shower...
Adjust to communication frequency,....
No fucking way!
Hey Sand, what are you doing with that thing hopping around over there?
I thought you were supposed to take some photos of me?
- Washington, have you got a visual on ... - What was that, Houston?
- Hey Washington, it's Helium 3, - What?
It's a Helium 3 mine. Get over here! Hey, there's something over here you need to see!
No! Sanders! Sanders! San...ah!
Oh, God!
Houston!, Houston! Son-of-a-bitch. I need to get out of here.
In English now.
Where are we from?
- Siegfried. - The earth.
And, when did we leave?
- Brunhilde. - 1945.
- And where did we go? - The dark side of the moon.
Brilliant!
Don't try to play dumb with me.
It was your bright idea to send those idiots to the moon.
- Talk about disaster. - Not to be the contrarian, Madam President
but i'm pretty sure it was your idea
It was my great idea had they succeeded, now it's your stupid idea. Got it?
I didn't hire you for stupid ideas I hired you because of your Midas' touch.
Now my polls are in the toilet and the election is just weeks away.
You dropped the ball, Vivian! You!
Now, I need a miracle. Get me a miracle!
Actually, how was sending those two astronauts to the moon supposed to get me reelected, exactly?
We haven't been to the moon for 50 years. One of them was black.
- Thought it would look good. - Look good how?
Like I said, one of them was black.
Just think of the opportunity we wasted years ago with that errand boy, Powell, Alan Powell?
- Colin Powell. - That was close.
- And where are you going? - The UN, to do my job
"The Great Dictator" by Charlie Chaplin.
It is one of the world's most famous short films.
which illustrates in just ten minutes his wish that one day, the entire world
will be held in the great Führer's wise and gentle hands.
- Any questions? - I have a question.
In my classroom we adhere to a strictly formal manner of addressing one another.
To what do we owe the honor of this visit?
- We capture an earthling. - Your expertise is required.
Hey, sauerkraut. I love sauerkraut.
And Volkswagen. Huh...Fahrvergnügen. (Driving pleasure.)
Hey! German words, right?
You know, it's as if, where I come from we speak German too. You know what I'm sayin'?
Damn! You gonna be sorry you did that white boy.
You are a knock-out.
How do I get out of here?
Thanks lady. Have a nice day.
No, Mr. subhuman. That is the air lock...
No!
You might wanna... cover up a bit.
All good?
I know a lot of important people.
I even know the President of the United States of America.
If you kill me, then that's just a really fucked-up situation.
You know the president of the United States of the Americas?
Thanks, homie. I talk to you later baby.
Question, what is this apparatus?
Look man, how would I know? I'm just model.
- A model of what? Citizen? - No man, a model model
Damn, what's wrong with you two? Are you blind or something? Shit, I'm pretty.
Are you part of the shock troops before the invasion?
Invasion? Man, you all must be tripping
What is your mission?
Look dude, I just follow the paycheck, you know what I'm saying?
- What is this device? - Oh, that's my kick-ass cellphone
- and a computer. - What?
That is not a computer.
This is a computer.
No, "dat's" ancient history, homie.
I am telling you once again...
One moment we received conformation that the ship has landed successfully on the moon.
The next, all communication stopped.
- As though it had simply vanished. - Or you're hiding something from us?
Yeah, we are hiding something on the dark side of the moon.
I still find it very difficult to believe that the entire purpose of the mission
to promote your president's reelection.
Well, believe what you like, we've had mere senators spend
hundreds of millions on campaigns to get elected to dog-shit posts.
But Mr Secretary, the expenses involved this time only makes sense
if there was a military purpose.
Okay, let's get this clear.
The United States has no military activity on the moon
What about natural resources activity?
We know how the US sometimes mixes the two up.
- Is there any chance that you are looking for Helium-3 up there?
Helium-3? You just made that up, didn't you?
That's so silly.
I assume these are just preliminary ideas?
Sir, we had a very small delivery window.
- Sir? - Yes, sir.
Ma'am, and this is all.
Anyone who is not a head of a department, should leave.
You idiots!
You morons! That's an insult to morons.
What is this shit?
I have a meeting with the President of the United fucking States of America
tomorrow fucking morning!
Not the President of fucking Zambia.
Not the President of the fucking Janitor's Union!
But the president of the fucking country which you just happen to be living in for the fucking moment.
You pieces of hellacious shit!
What am I suppose to tell her?
That my employees are not intelligent enough
to be fucking morons?
Are you willing to work with the Führer ...
in the name of the Fatherland, stand behind the Wehrmacht.
This decision does not resolve all of us ...
Thank you. I thought my ears were gonna bleed.
You're welcome.
May I ask what your name is?
James Washington.
- What yours? - Renate Richter.
It is a pleasure to meet you, Washington.
James Washington.
What's wrong with your skin?
Come on now please, you have met a brother before, right?
- No, I'm an only child. - No, no. I didn't mean like that.
I meant a black man.
No, and this continues to confuse me
because you are much blacker then when I first encountered you.
Okay girl, look either i'm black or you're blind.
Look, what is going to happen to me? I mean, what with this guy keep sticking needles in me?
- What about that other angry dude? - My father sticking needles into you?
That freaking scientist guy? That your dad?
And what about, you know....
Mr. Nachrichtenübermittlungs-Oberführer Adler?
- I'm sorry, what? - Klaus Adler.
He's going to be the next führer.
And my husband.
Why, did you lose a bet or something? I mean....
Lucky you.
Actually, lucky him.
- I shouldn't even be here - You cannot leave me tied up like this
- Please do me a favor. - What?
- Play a Nazi. - And if I don't?
- They will eliminate you. - Oh, great!
Is there a different radio station?
With the upcoming war...
Okay, Baby Mengele. Hey man, I don't like the look of this.
With the prisoner now being one of us, we go down to earth.
He will help us to find more telephone computers,
return, and then get Götterdämmerung flying.
- Can you smell that? - No. We don't have time to waste.
Take me to that president of yours.
What? The President?
Come on man, I thought you want me to take you to Mac store or something.
You said that you know the President of these United States of the Americas.
Right, of course.
That President.
May I meet this President too?
Hey, Mrs. Richter, welcome to my planet.
- Get the hell out of my property - We got to get out of here
Hold on there, Boss man.
That may not be the sharpest move.
Let me go talk to those guys. They know me, I'm one of them.
Are you with me?
Now you're talking.
Now.
I am happy to see you all, man.
You all know me.
- Washington. - I mean ...
That ain't one of y'all's, is it? Because I... you ain't have to bring that shit out.
I'm a peace loving brother.
- Are you alright? - Do I fucking look alright to you Mrs. crazy fucking Nazi?
What the hell just happen?
You know..
No, mother-f way!
What did you sick sons-of-bitches do to me?
- I should've told you. - What? That I look like a fucking polar bear?
You two really,really, know how to fuck up a guy's Christmas.
Quiet you fool. what is wrong with you?
We made you Aryan, you're one of us now.
- You should be thanking us. - Thanking you?
What I should have done is let those brother come here with a size 15
put those foot so far up your ass to can taste the toe nails for two fucking weeks.
Klaus.
Bring me to your leader, James Washington.
Hey, what the fuck? Excuse me.
Get your fucking hands off me, you mother...
- You can use her to you boss? - Yes, she's the cheese.
- And she knows the president? - Yes, they are really tight.
Come on.
Dirty bastards. Do you know who I am? huh?
You just kidnapped the wrong woman The wrong fucking woman.
I hope your having a good time I'm gonna kick your fucking ass.
Excellent.
My turn.
I am Commander Klaus Adler of the 4th Reich. We are based on the moon.
I'm told you know the president of these United States of the Americas.
You will take us to that the President, because ...
- I have a very special present for him - Him?
Well, he'll love that He just loves presents.
As soon as my mission is accomplished
the Nazi invation force will be called in under my directions
and we will end the good times for the bad people.
And how do you propose to do that?
- We'll simply eliminate them. - What?
- Sorry, that is not what we are told - Renate, I do not think that you ...
Yeah. Why not?
Why don't you tell this fraulein why we are here, just like you keep telling your children.
I would love to do that.
You see...
the National Socialist Party is the people's party, nothing more...
We wish to return to earth with our message of peace and unity
love through virtue
and kindness, for example.
We are healthy, in mind and body.
Our spirits are brave and true.
We achieved because we are strong, disciplined in our core
There is simply no belief that they can match ours...
because peace and unity is the gift we bring to all mankind.
What you and all earthlings need to know ... - Yeah yeah, I get it, Hedvig.
This is good.
This is going to work.
You, I need.
And you ...
I want.
Alright, let's go meet the president.
Madam President ...
here's the miracle you asked for.
- Who is this man? - He will lead the campaign troops.
Renate, please ...
This is very simple.
The world is sick ...
and we are the doctors.
The world is anemic and we are the vitamin.
The world is weary, but we are the strength.
We are here to make the world healthy once again.
With hard work ...
with honesty, with clarity, with decency.
We are the product of loving mothers and brave fathers.
We are the embodiment of love and bravery.
We are the gift of both God and science.
We are the answer to the question.
We are the promise delivered to all mankind.
For that we raise our hand, to one nation.
We step to the beat of one drum
....of this world.
We are the people that carry the children on our shoulders.
In the same way that our fathers carried us and their fathers before them.
We are the one people united and strong.
We are the one people with certainty.
We are invincible and we have no fear.
Because the truth makes us one.
The moon Nazis are coming. What's wrong with you people, can't you see?
Look, I've been there. I'm telling you.
They've got this whole moon base, they've got this whole like space thing going on, and they're coming to take over.
You must listen to this, because the Nazis are coming.
They're coming, they're coming to get us all. Why aren't you guys listening to me? I mean ...
Renate.
Washington. James Washington.
I'm so glad to see you alive.
Look, I got one! This is the bitch that made me white as a fucking snowflake
Come on people, help me.
Help me! She's crazy!
I saved your life
So, you're a formerly dead, black model ...
who is now suddenly a living white hobo
after spending a weekend on the moon. Is that correct?
- Yes, that's correct. - So I was listening.
And you are Neil Armstrong after the sex change operation. Is this correct?
No, that is not correct You were not listening at all.
My name is Richter. Renate Richter.
I tried to save this man's life and I think he's stupid, childish and ungrateful.
Ask Mrs. Moon-Nazi here, was I, or was I not on the dark side of the moon?
Yes, Mr. James Washington was on the dark side of the moon.
There, what did I tell you?
I am black, but now I'm white. I went to the dark side of the moon, but i'm now back.
The Nazis are coming to kill us all!
And you are going to be so sorry that you don't listened to me.
Mr. Washington, James. Why are you so upset and so angry?
- Get lost. - But I do not understand.
I mean, We made you white.
We taught you the National Socialist message about peace and unity.
You people have robbed me of everything.
My race, my identity, my career.
And I'm beginning to think my flipping mind too. I mean just everything.
Do you know this?
Yes.
Come on. Come on in. I will explain it to you. Then you'll understand it.
You are one strange broad. I will give you that.
Oh, and you know you'll be buying popcorn.
What bullshit!
It was ...
- It was so long. - Yeah, they could've edited it down a bit.
He was mocking the Führer!
I'm getting a sense it's a lot about nazis you don't know.
- But I am a Nazi! - Yeah, I know but you're not like...
Well, like them. A bunch of stupid bullies.
No, I'm sure they're good boys
and loyal to the Reich, and their mothers
Look, they wear the symbol of love!
- The swastika? - Yes.
I've never heard it called that before.
No.
What have we got here, blond hair, blue eyes, nice rack?
Even Hitler will get a hard-on!
- Look guys, we don't want any trouble - Get lost, hobo!
- I gotta plenty stories to tell, you're not gonna believe... - Stop that, that is enough!
What she needs is a good war
A war always makes a president popular.
Well, I might be able to help her out there.
How do you mean?
One word from me, and the invasion from the moon begins.
- You never break character do you? - No.
I can never be broken.
- You smell so good. - The time has come.
I show you my plans.
Come back here.
Look I've outlined some things...
Oh big fella
All work and no play?
Now listen, don't you think if I asphyxiate the president ...
Will the troops then align with us?
That's when I will order the moon invasion.
It will be quietless bloodshed.
other then eliminating the moon führer of course.
Klaus Adler.
So Klaus, is the clown joining us?
What, did you all buy tickets?
Okay, so, do you want to introduce me to your friends?
Get your hooks off me you Kristallnacht piece-of-shit
I can make this worth your while. Just let me go.
I'm here to tell you that I have nothing to do with you or your plans
You Nazi-piece-of-shit!
He fell for the old "one-last-blowjob" offer. God, nazis are stupid.
I commend you on your marksmanship.
Shame. She was such a nice girl Just have to kill her later
So, it was real?
- All this time. - Never doubt a Nazi, schöne frauen.
Farewell, fashionista.
I have a planet to conquer!
I will just grab this.
Bye.
Good luck with the rest of your life.
Unbe-fucking-lievable!
Thank you, Kelly. Moments ago New York has come under attack
Witness claim to have seen hundred of UFO's appearing suddenly over the city and opening fire.
Billy, get that! Get that! Are you getting that?
Kelly, the craft is at least 60 feet across.
I'm seeing what appears to be weapons of some kind dangling down from the bottom.
Oh my God! It's opening fire! It's opening fire! I'm getting the hell out of here!
We have little information, but here's what we know at this time...
- Ok. You see, the thing is, that Klaus, he's... - I know this was your doing.
- It's wonderful. - It's wonderful?
It's brilliant. I'm a wartime president now.
All presidents who start a war in their first term always get reelected.
I thought I was gonna have to bomb Australia or something.
But no. You bring me real...
- Who are these guys anyway? - Nazis.
- from the moon. - Real life Nazis?
Holy shit, this just keeps getting better and better
You're a miracle worker, babe.
They are the only guys we ever actually managed to beat in a fair fight.
I'm just like Franklin D. Roosevelt. Only, you know I'm not a spastic.
I knew you'd be excited.
So, if you're our Roosevelt, then who's your General Patton or you know, MacArthur?
Mr Secretary of Defense, do you have any thoughts on this?
Send her.
- Me? - Hey, you're the miracle worker.
Apparently you dodge bullet too
- I wouldn't know.. - What to wear? You'll think of something
- You always do. - Madam President,
ready to face the music?
It's the space Nazis!
Take us upstate. We need to go back to the Moon.
We? No, no, no! See? We rhymes with me. And I ain't going.
- You don't get it! They have the Götterdämmerung on the Moon. - I couldn't give a good goddamn what they have up there.
- I'm not going back to that place. No way! - You want to look like that for the rest of your life?
Oh great, now this is my fault.
- Let me in. Let me in. - I'm no hero, James.
I need you.
Do you know how to drive this thing?
Well. Can't be any different than playing 'Wing Commander'
Let's try..
I swear we do not have nothing on the Moon
- Japan? - It is not ours.
- China? - It is not us.
It's bloody well not ours
- I confess! - Yes, North Korea? Confess to what?
The spaceships are ours.
Our beloved leader designed and build them himself
- What is so funny? - All right, North Korea. Sit down.
- So, it was you India, I knew that! - No, no, no! That is a sign of peace!
- This is a sign of peace! This is a sign of peace! - Just cut it out, you morons!
These thugs are Nazis and I mean the real McCoy.
They have been hiding on the moon just waiting to pounce.
Now my question is, what are y'all planning to about it?
'Cause we just happen to have a little something up our own sleeve.
And I'm sure that you'll be thankful for it.
May I present you with the Mars exploration ship, The USS George W. Bush.
Good work, take it to Officer Tyler, please.
This is trajectory, what's our status on the orbit window?
Commander on deck!
The hostile fleet have launched a full scale aerial attack against the United States.
These Zeppelins appear to be carriers and they are operating fully within the thermosphere.
Each of them approximately carrying 200 enemy vessel and are extremely...
Hell hath no fury, Mr. Adler.
Alright kiddies, let's get this show on the road.
Vivian, you look great. How is it going up there?
Madam President, I couldn't be better.
I am packing dozen of mega tonnes of nuclear warheads
which I am going to carefully place up Klaus's kraut ass
- just as soon as I get him in my sights. - Carry on, kick butt!
Let them see what that baby can do!
...working at optimum capacity. Ammo consumption within tolerance.
We're coming under extremely heavy fire. We gonna need the reinforcement right now.
What the hell is the meaning of this?
Good day mates. This is Australian ship, Dundee 01. Ready to kick ass.
Spitfire reporting in.
Hang in there, W. Canada joining the battle.
It's a direct violation of international space treaty that
you all signed, every single one of you!
MIR joining the battles.
That is supposed to be destroyed!
This is an outrage, you're all liars, just like my ex ex-husband.
- Come down lady, come down. - Don't you lady me, Pinko!
Okay who didn't arm their spaceships?
Oh, great, great. That is just great!
- You all gave me your word! - But you broke yours!
We always break ours, that's just what we do.
Okay, fine, fine, fine!
Let's just beat the shit out of this pricks and talk about the details later.
This is beautiful.
- Where the hell are we going? - To the Götterdämmerung.
I think Klaus will be there.
What did you think of that, Herr Adler?
Alright, what about this moon business?
What do you say we head on over and slap them around a bit?
Klaus, baby I coming to get ya'.
- What the hell is this place? - This is the Götterdämmerung.
It will liberate the earth.
Actually,
it's the biggest war machine ever created by man.
- This is the bridge. That's where I'm going. - I need to find your father, so...
- Where do you think he at? - I think you will find him over there
Try to sneak in, and please paralyze the engines.
- Or otherwise the earth is destroyed. - Note to self, paralyze the engine. Got it.
Oh! No, no no. You be careful
- I mean, you know... - What?
- Because you like me. - Right...
Oh, come on, a little. I mean...
You like me....
We have a visual on the Nazi fortress, commander.
Obvious and overstated as usual, Klaus.
Alright, everyone, let's get those nukes in action.
- I'm declaring this fortress a free-fire-zone. - But Commander, there are women and children down there.
The United States of America does not negotiate with terrorists.
- Prime warheads on secondary armament. - Roger that.
- Prepare all available ordinance for ground bombardment. - Fire the fucking nukes!
Nukes away.
Job well done.
Remember me?
The Moon spook you turned into a snowflake.
Oh shit, it's alive.
He must have the smallest dick in the universe.
Time...
to fuck back.
Everyone, take positions around this fat phallus and wait for my command to open fire.
- Offensive run confirmed. - Let her rip.
- Washington, do you hear me? Washington? - Renate, was that you?
- You need to shut down the engine. - I'm working on it.
Congratulations.
High five.
Well, that was disappointing.
Do you think he suffered? Even just a little?
Vivian, I knew you could do it. You're foxy and salacious, all the way. Congratulations.
- What's Helium-3? - Helium.
Did you say Helium-3?
Yes, there is like about 15 to 20 giant towers that appear to be full of this stuff.
- That's ours. - It is? Why?
Helium-3 would make the U.S. independent of all energy needs for the next thousand years.
Yes, it's ours.
No, no, no. Hear me out. Hear me out.
The moon is American soil. Moon flag, star and stripes.
Who beat the Moon Nazis? We did.
Well, yeah yeah, alright, you helped out here and there, but ultimately it's just like World War II ...
and who won that? We did
- You lie. - You don't believe me?
Watch the movies. Movies don't lie.
Not the shoe, Jesus.
Vivian, this is the Secretary of Defense.
- Defend and hold that Helium-3 at all costs. - But against who?
Against everybody!
Unfortunately that's the story of revenge. It's messy.
Never really works out the way you wanted to.
I feel lonely.
The eternal love of God, the love of God into our hearts, or we will burn...
burn in hell, burning in eternal damnation.
Renate.
Washington.
You're alive! You are alive!
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
And you are the way you're meant to be.
Are you aware that you are kissing a black man?
I guess we have a lot of work cut out for us.
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