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Liberty, this is control. Requesting lunar orbit statis. 1b
Control, this is Liberty. Touch down in t-minus 20 and counting.
Approaching Terminator line.
Roger that, be advised radio static on the com.
Roger that 710.... 4b
Landing vector approved.... 4c
Landing coordinates Delta
LZ Seven, three, eleven.
Looking good. Landing vector optimum. Touch down in t-minus 12
11, 10, 9 ...
8, 7, 6 ...
5, 4, 3 ...
2, 1.
Now lets, uh, drop the banners.
- All set. - Must we?
- The Eagle has landed baby. - Please, keep that fool off the main frequency.
Are getting a reading on your end too, Captain Sanders?
Mission control I can confirm vast quantities of Helium-3.
- The readings are even stronger this way. 16b
- What? You're breaking up, please be adviced you may be nearing a meteor shower...
Adjust communica....
No fucking way!
Hey Sand, what you doin' with that thing hopping around over there?
I thought you were suppose to be taking some photos of me?
- Washington, have you got a visual on ... - What was that, Houston?
- Hey Washington, it's Helium-3. - What?
It's a Helium-3 mine. Get over here! Hey there's something over here you need to see.
No, Sanders! Sanders!
Oh God!
Houston! Houston! Son-of-a-bitch. I need to get out of here. 26b
I must be trippin'.
In English, now.
Where are we from?
- Siegfried. - The earth.
and when did we leave?
- Brunhilda. - 1945.
- And where did we go? - The dark side of the moon.
Brilliant.
Don't try to play dumb with me.
It was your bad idea to send those idiots to the moon.
- Talk about disaster. - Um, not to be the contrarian Madam President
but I'm pretty sure it was your idea.
It was my great idea had they succeeded, now it's your stupid idea. Got it?
I didn't hire you for stupid ideas. I hire you because of your Midas touch.
Now my approval ratings are in the toilet and that election is just weeks away.
You dropped the ball, Vivian.
Now, I need a miracle. Get me a miracle.
Actually how was sending those two astronauts to the moon suppose to getting me re-elected? Exactly?
We haven’t been to the moon for 50 years. One of them was black.
- Thought it would look good. - Look good how?
Like I said, one of them was black.
Just think of the opportunity we wasted years ago with that errand boy, Powell, Alan Powell?
- Colin Powell. - That was close.
- And where are you going? - The UN, to do my job.
The Great Dictator by Charlie Chaplin.
It is one of the world famous short films.
which illustrates in just ten minutes, his wish that one day, the entire world
would be held in the great Führer's wise and gentle hands.
- Any questions? - I have a question.
In my classroom we adhere to a strictly formal manner in addressing one another.
To what do we owe the honor of this visit?
We capture an earthling. Your expertise is required.
No, no no. I love me some sauerkraut.
And Volkswagen. Huh...Farfignugen.
Hay...German words, right.
You know, it's as if, where I come from, we speak German too. You know what I'm sayin'.
Damn. Your gonna be sorry you did that white boy.
You are a knock-out.
How do I get out of here?
Thanks lady. Have a nice day.
No, Mr. Subhuman. This is the air lock.
No.
You might wanna cover up a bit.
All good?
No, no no. I wouldn't do that if I was you. Listen to me, listen to me.
I know a lot of important people. They're very important people.
I even know the President of the United States of America.
Now now, if you kill me, then that's just a really fucked up situation.
You know the president of the United States of the Americas?
Thanks homie. I talk to you later baby.
Question, what is this apparatus?
Look man, how would I know? I'm just model.
- A model what? Citizen? - No man, a model model.
Damn, what's wrong with you two? You blind or something? Shit.
- I'm pretty. - Are you part of the shock troops before the invasion?
Invasion? Man, you all must be tripping.
What is your mission?
Look dude, I just follow the paycheck, you know what I'm saying?
- What is this device? - Oh, that's my kick-ass cellphone.
- and a computer. - What?
That is not a computer.
This is a computer.
No man. Dat's ancient history, homie.
I am telling you once again..
One moment we received conformation that the ship had landed successfully on the moon.
The next, all communications stopped.
- As though it had simply vanished. - Or you're hiding something from us?
Yeah, we are hiding something on the dark side of the moon.
I still find very difficult to believe that entire purpose of the mission
was to promote your presidents re-election.
Well, believe what you like, we had mere senators spend
hundred-of-millions on campaigns to get elected to dog-shit posts.
But Mr. Secretary, the expenses involved this time only makes sense
if there was a military purpose.
Okay, lets get this clear.
The United States has no military activity on the moon.
What about natural resources activity?
We know how the U.S. sometimes mixes the two up.
Is there any chance that you are looking for Helium-3 up there?
Helium-3?
You just made that up, didn't you?
That's so silly.
I assume these are just preliminary idea?
Sir, we have a very small delivery window.
- Sir? - Yes, sir.
Ma'am, and this is all.
Anyone who is not the head of a department, should leave.
You idiots.
You morons! That's an insult to morons.
What is this shit?
I have a meeting with the President of the United fucking States of America
tomorrow fucking morning.
Not with the President of fucking Zambia.
Not with the President of the fucking Janitor's Union.
But with the president of the fucking country which you just happen to be living in at the fucking moment.
You pieces of hellacious shit.
What am I suppose to tell her?
That my employees are not intelligent enough...
to be fucking morons?
Are you willing to work with the Führer ...
in the name of the fatherland, stand behind the Wehrmacht.
This decision does not resolve all of us ...
Thank you. Thought my ears were gonna bleed.
You're welcome.
May I ask what you name is?
Washington. James Washington.
- What yours? - Renate Richter.
It is a pleasure to meet you, Washington.
James Washington.
What's wrong with your skin?
Come on now, please. You have met a brother before, right?
- No, I'm an only child. - No, I didn't mean like that.
I meant a black man.
No and this continues to confuse me
because you are much blacker when I first encountered you.
Okay girl, look. Either I'm black or you're blind.
Look, what is going to happen to me? I mean, what's with this guy that keeps sticking needles in me?
- What about that angry dude? - My father's sticking needles into you?
That freaking scientist guy? That's your dad?
And what about you know....
Mr. Nachrichtenübermittlungs-Oberführer Adler?
- I'm sorry, what? - Klaus Adler.
He's going to be the next Führer.
And my husband.
What, did you lose a bet or something? I mean...
Lucky you.
Actually, lucky him.
I shouldn't even be here.
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Now, you can not leave me tied up like this.
- Please do me a favor. - What?
- Play a Nazi. - Well, if I don't?
- They will eliminate you. - Oh great.
Is there a different radio station?
With the upcoming war ...
Okay, Mini-Manuel. Hey man, I don't like the look of this.
With the prisoner now being one of us, we will go down to the earth.
He will help us to find more telephone computers.
Return, and then get the Götterdämmerung flying.
- You smell that? - No. We don’t have time to waste.
Take me to that president of yours.
What? The President?
Come on man, I thought you want me to take you to the Mac store or something.
You said that you would know the President of these United States of the Americas.
Right, of course.
That President.
May I meet this President too?
Hey, Miss Richter. Welcome to my planet.
- Get the hell outta my property. - You better get outta here.
Whoa, whoa whoa whoa. Now, hold on there Boss man.
That may not be the sharpest move.
Look, look. I'll tell you what.
Let me go talk to the brothers. All right? They know me, you know. I'm one of them.
Are you with me?
Yeah, now you're talking. Alright.
Now.
I'm serious. You don't know how good it is to see you all man. It's like little Africa up in this bitch.
Come on people. You all know me. I know you do.
Washington.
That ain't one of you'alls, is it? Because ah... Look man, you ain't got to bring that shit out.
Look man, it's all good. Look, I'm a peace loving brother, man. 185b
Fuck it, man. Yo! Yo!
- Are you alright? 186b
- Do I fucking look alright to you, Miss crazy fucking Nazi?
I mean, what the hell just happen?
You know...
Oh no mother-effin way!
What did you sick sons-a-bitches do to me?
- I should've told you. - What? That I look like a fuckin' polar bear?
You know what? You two really, really know how to fuck up a guys Christmas.
Quite, you fool! What is wrong with you?
We made you Aryan, you're one of us now.
- You should be thanking us. - Thanking you?
What I should have done is let those brothers come here with their size 15s
and put a foot so far up your ass, you can taste the toe nails for 2 fucking weeks.
Klaus!
Bring me to your leader, James Washington.
Hey, what the fuck? Excuse me.
Get your fuckin' hands off me, you mother...
- Is she your boss? - Yeah, she's the big cheese.
- And she knows the president? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. They real tight.
Oh, Come on.
You fuckin' animal. Do you know who I am? Huh? Do you?
You just kidnapped the wrong woman. The wrong fucking woman.
Oh yeah. I hope your having a good time. I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass.
Excellent.
My turn.
I am Commander Klaus Adler of the 4th Reich. We are based on the moon.
I'm told you know the president of these United States of the Americas.
You will take us to that President, because ...
- I have a very special present for him. - Him?
Well he'll loved that. He just loves presents.
As soon as my mission is accomplished.
The Nazi invading forces will be called in under my directions
and we will end the good times for the bad people.
And just how do you propose to do that?
- We'll simply eliminate them. - What?
- Sorry, that is not what we are told. - Renate, I don't think that you ...
Yeah. Why not?
Why don't you tell you this fräulein why we're here. Just like you keep telling your pupils.
I would love to do that.
You see...
the National Socialist Party is the people's party, nothing more.
We wish to return to earth with our message of peace and unity,
love through virtue
and kindness, for example.
We are healthy, in mind and body.
Our spirits are brave and true.
And we achieve because we are strong, and disciplined in our cause.
There's simply no belief that can match ours.
Because peace and unity is the gift we bring to all mankind.
- What you and all earthlings need to know ... - Yeah, yeah. I get it.
This is good.
This is gonna work.
You, I need.
And you ...
I want.
Alright, let's go meet the president.
Madam President ...
Here is the miracle you asked for.
- Who is this man? - He will lead the campaign troops.
Renate, please ...
This is very simple.
The world is sick ...
but we are the doctors.
The world is anemic, and we are the vitamin.
The world is weary, but we are the strength.
We are here to make the world healthy once again.
With hard work ...
with honesty, with clarity, with decency.
We are the product of loving mothers and brave fathers.
We are the embodiment of love and bravery.
We are the gift of both God and science.
We are the answer to the question.
We are the promise delivered to all mankind.
For that we raise our hand, to one nation.
We step to the beat of one drum
....of this world.
We are the people with the children on our shoulders.
In the same way as our fathers carried us and their fathers before them.
We are the one people, united and strong.
We are the one people with certainty. Moral certainty.
We are invincible and we have no fear.
Because the truth makes us one.
Hey! The moon Nazis are coming. What's wrong with you people, can't you see?
Look, I've been there. I'm telling you.
They have all this moon base, they got this whole like space thing goin' on, and they comin' to take over.
Oh, you never listen to this right? Listen now cuz they comin, they comin'.
They coming to get us all. Why ain't you guys listenin' to me? I mean ...
Renate.
Washington. James Washington.
I'm so glad to see you alive.
Look, I got one. This the bitch that made me white as a fuckin' snowflake.
Come on people, help me.
Help me.
I saved your life.
So, you are a formerly dead, black model ...
who's now suddenly a living white hobo ...
after spending a weekend on the moon. Is that correct?
- Yes, that's correct. - Huh. So I was listening.
And ah you, are Neil Armstrong after the sex change operation. Is this correct?
No, that is not correct. You were not listening at all.
My name is Richter. Renate Richter.
And I tried to save this man life and I think he's stupid, childish and ungrateful.
Okay. Ask Miss Moon-Nazi here, was I, or was I not, on the dark side of the moon.
Yes, Mr. Washington, James Washington was on the dark side of the moon.
There, what did I tell you.
I am black, but now I'm white. I went to the dark side of the moon, but I'm now back.
And the Nazis are coming to kill us all.
And you guys are going to be so sorry that you didn't listened to me.
Mr. Washington James. Why are you so upset and so angry?
- Get lost. - But I do not understand.
I mean, we made you white.
We taught you the National Socialist message about peace and unity.
You people have robbed me of everything.
My race, my identity, my career.
And I'm beginning to think my flippin' mind too. I mean just everything.
Do you know this?
Yes.
Come on.
Come on in. I will explain it to you. Then you will understand.
You are one strange broad. I will give you that.
Oh you know you're buyin' popcorn, right?
Man, that was bullshit.
It was ...
- It was so long. - Yeah. They coulda edited it down a bit.
He was mocking the Führer.
I'm getting a sense there's a lot about Nazis you don't know.
- But I am a Nazi. - Yeah, yeah, I know but you're not like...
Well like them. A bunch of stupid bullies.
No, I'm sure, they're good boys.
and loyal to the Reich, and their mothers.
Look, they are wearing the symbol of love.
- The swastika? - Yeah.
Never heard it called that before.
No, no. No, no no no no. You just...
What we got here, blond hair, blue eyes, nice rack.
Even Hitler would get a hard-on.
- Look guys, we don't want any trouble. - Why don't you get lost hobo.
- Look, I got the funniest story to tell you. Your not gonna believe this..
- Stop that, that is enough.
What she needs is a good war.
A war always make the president popular.
Well, I might be able to help her out there.
How do you mean?
One word from me, and the invasion from the moon begins.
- You never break character do you? - No.
I can never be broken.
- You smell so good. - The time has come.
I show you my plans.
Come back here.
Look, look. I've mapped out some things.
Oh big fella.
All work and no play?
Now listen, do you think if I asphyxiate the president ...
will the troops stand in line with us?
That's when I will order the moon invasion.
It will be choirless bloodshed.
After I eliminate the moon Führer, of course.
Klaus Adler.
So Klaus, is the clown joining us?
What, did you all buy tickets?
Okay, so, do you want to introduce me to your friends.
Get your hooks off me you crystal noob piece-of-shit.
I can make this worth your while. Just please, let me go. 346b
Don't shoot!
I need to tell you that I have nothing to do with you or your plans.
You Nazi piece-of-shit.
He fell for the old one last blow job offer.
God, Nazis are stupid.
I commend you on your marksmanship.
Shame. She was such a nice girl. Just have to kill her later.
So, it was real?
- All this time. - Never doubt a Nazi, beautiful woman.
Farwell, fasionista.
I have a planet to conquer.
I'll just...
grab this.
Bye.
Good luck with the rest of your life.
Un...be...fuckin...lievable.
Thank you, Kelly. Moments ago, New York has come under attack.
Witnesses claim to have seen hundreds of UFO's appearing suddenly over the city and opening fire.
Billy get that. Get that. Are you getting that?
Kelly, the craft is at least 60 feet across.
I'm seeing what appears to be weapons of some-kind dangling down from the bottom.
Oh my God. It's opening fire, it's opening fire. I'm getting the hell out of here.
There is little information. But here's what we know at this time.
- Ok, you see, the thing is, that Klaus... - I know it was your doing.
- It's wonderful. - It's wonderful?
It's brilliant. I'm a wartime president now.
All presidents who start war in their first term
always get re-elected. I thought I was gonna have to bomb Australia or something.
But no, you bring me real ...
- Who are these guys anyway? - Nazis.
- From the moon. - Real live Nazis?
Holy shit, this just keeps getting better and better.
You're a miracle worker babe.
They're the only guys we ever actually managed to beat in a fair fight.
I'm just like Franklin D. Roosevelt, only you know I'm not a spastic.
I knew you'd be excited.
So, if you’re our Roosevelt, then who's your General Patton or you know, MacArthur?
Mr. Secretary of Defense. Do you have any thoughts on this?
Send her.
- Me? - Hey, you're the miracle worker.
Apparently you dodge bullets too.
- I wouldn't know.. - What to wear? You'll think of something. You always do.
Madam President ...
Ready to face the music?
Escape the Nazis!
Take us upstate. We need to go back to the moon.
We? No,no,no. See, we rhymes with me, and I ain't goin'.
You don't get it. They have the Götterdämmerung on the moon. 391b
I could give a good damn what they have.
- I'm not going back to that place. No way. - You want to look like that for the rest of your life?
Oh great. Now this is my fault.
-Let me in. - I'm no hero, James.
I need you.
Do you know how to drive this thing?
Well, can't be any different than playing 'wing commander'.
Lets try ...
I swear we do not have nothing on the moon.
- Japan? - It is not ours.
- China? - It is not us.
It's bloody well not ours.
- I confess - Yes, North Korea? Confess to what?
The spaceships are ours.
Our beloved leader designed and build them himself.
- What is so funny? - All right, North Korea. Sit down.
- So it was you India, I knew that. - No, no, no. That is a sign of peace.
This is the sign of peace. 408b
Just cut it out, you morons.
These thugs are Nazis. And I mean the real McCoy.
They've been hidin' out on the moon just waiting to pounce.
Now my question is, what do ya'll plan to do about it?
Cuz we just happen to have a little something up our own sleeve,
and I'm sure, they'll be thankful for it.
May I present to you with the Mars exploration ship, the USS George W. Bush.
Good work, take it to Officer Tyler please.
Trajectory, what's our status on the orbit window?
Commander on deck.
The hostile fleet have launched a full scale aerial attack against the United States.
These Zeppelins appear to be carriers and they are operating fully within the thermosphere.
Each of them carry approximately 200 enemy vessels and are extremely...
Hell hath no fury, Heir Adler.
Alright kiddies. Let's get this show on the road.
Vivian, you look great. How is it going up there?
Madam President, I couldn't be better.
I am packing dozens of mega tons of nuclear warheads
which I am going to carefully place up Klaus's kraut ass.
- Just as soon I get him in my sights. - Carry on. Kick butt.
Let 'em see what that baby can do.
Working at optimum capacity. Ammo consumption within tolerance.
We're coming under extremely heavy fire. Were gonna need reinforcements right now.
What the hell is the meaning of this?
Good day mates. This is Australian ship, Dundee 01. Ready to kick ass.
Spitfire reporting in.
Hang in there W. Canada joining your battle.
This is a direct violation of this nations' space treaty that you all signed,
every single one of you.
MIR join in za battle.
That is suppose to be destroyed.
This is an outrage. You're all liars, just like my ex ex-husband.
- Come down lady, come down. - Don't you lady me, Pinko.
Okay, who didn't arm their spaceships?
Oh Great, great. That's just great.
- You all gave me your word. - But you broke yours.
We always break ours, that's just what we do.
Okay fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine.
Let just beat shit out of these pricks and ah, talk about the details later.
This is beautiful.
- Where the hell are we goin'? - To the Götterdämmerung.
I think Klaus will be there.
What did you think of that, Heir?
Alright, what about this moon business.
What do you say we head on over and slap them around a bit.
Klaus baby, I coming to get ya'.
- What the hell is this place? - This is the Götterdämmerung.
It will liberate the earth.
Actually.
It's the biggest war machine ever created by man.
- This is the bridge. That's where I'm going. - I need to find your father, so...
- where you think he at? - I think you will find him over there.
Try to sneak in, and please paralyze the engines,
- or otherwise the earth is destroyed. - Note to self, paralyze engines. Got it.
- Ok. - Oh. No, no no no. 462b
- What? - You be careful.
- I mean, you know, ah... - What?
- Because, well, you like me. - Right...
Oh, come on, a little.
You like me.
We have a visual on the Nazi fortress, commander.
Obvious and overstated as usual, Klaus.
Alright everyone, let's get those nukes in action.
- I'm declaring this fortress a free-fire-zone. - But Commander, there are woman and children done there.
The United States of America does not negotiate with terrorists.
- Prime warheads on secondary armament. - Roger that.
- Prepare all available ordinance for ground bombardment. - Fire the fucking nukes.
Nukes away.
Job well done.
Hey quack!
Remember me?
The moon spook you turned into a snowflake.
Oh shit, it's alive.
He sure must have the smallest dick in the universe.
Time...
to fuck back.
Everyone, take positions around this fat phallus and wait for my command to open fire.
- Offensive run confirmed. - Let her rip. 483b
Fuck it!
- Washington, do you hear me? Washington. - Renate. Was that you?
- You need to shut down the engines. - I'm working on it.
Congratulations.
High five.
Well that was disappointing.
Do you think he suffered? Even just a little?
Vivian, I knew you could do it. You're foxy and salacious, all the way. Congratulations.
- What's Helium-3? - Helium.
Did you say Helium-3?
Yes, there like about 15 to 20 giant towers that appear to be full of the stuff.
- That's ours. - It is? Why?
Helium-3 will make the U.S. independent of all energy needs for the next thousand years.
Yes, it's ours.
No, no no. Hear me out. Hear me out.
The moon is American soil. Moon flag, star and stripes.
Who beat the moon Nazis? We did.
Well, yeah yeah, alright, you help out here and there, but ultimately it's just like World War II ...
and who won that? We did.
- You lie. - You don't believe me?
Watch the movies. Movies don't lie.
Not the shoes, Jesus.
Vivian, this is the Secretary of Defense.
- Defend and hold that Helium-3 at all costs. - But against who?
Against everybody.
Unfortunately that's the story of revenge. It's messy.
Never really works out the way you want it to.
I feel lonely.
The eternal love of God, the love of God into our hearts, or we will burn ...
burn in hell, burning in eternal damnation.
Renate.
Washington.
You are alive.
It's okay. It's okay.
And you are the way you're meant to be.
Are you aware that you are kissing a black man?
I guess you have a lot of work cut out for you.
Subs totally redone by zathras69
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