Melissa. Hey.
Melissa. Melissa.
Wake up.
Can I change my room?
Hey.
Can I change my room?
I don't know how long I'm gonna be here, but I just- it's not me.
Yeah.
I don't know. I just need to, like, paint the walls or move the furniture...
- 'cause I'm, I don't- - You can't.
- I don't know. - You can't paint the walls...
because Mikey may have to shoot in there.
No, maybe I should just go to IKEA or something.
Don't waste your money on new shit. Just go to a yard sale.
Yeah.
# I said I pull up to the club #
# Fresh, fit, rocking the latest, man Hos on my dick #
# And they be saying you the greatest man
- How much is this one? - Fifty cents.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
# Do dat# # Do dat, my nigga#
# Do dat# # Yeah #
- Thank you very much. - Thank you.
- Do you need help with that? - Uh, no, I don't think so.
# Say you, dog, get the... I don't give a fuck #
- Ten dollars? - Yeah, no, it wasn't $10.
I had a price tag on there. I want to say it was four.
- I was gonna say three. - Three? There you go.
Hey. How much is this one?
- Twenty-five cents. - How much this is?
It's five dollars, but...
- Five dollar? - Yeah.
Isn't this what they keep dead people in?
What? Is there a dead person in this?
No. That's a thermos.
It could be a nice vase.
It's not a vase or an urn. It's a thermos.
Thermos. Chill the..
Okay.
No refunds.
Gonna be a lovely vase. Thank you.
You... Oh, you are doing great. Oh, look at that!
Um, how much for this? A dollar.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Shit.
Yo. What the hell? Fuck is all that shit?
I'm changing up my room. Melissa said it was fine.
I told her you have to use that room.
Fuckin' light me up, 'cause I'm not gonna stop.
Ready, put it. No. Ready?
Thank you.
Okay.
Now, try to do what she fucking couldn't do...
which is hold fucking cover on me.
Okay. as I fucking storm this motherfucking hill.
Ew!
Oh, come on. I've had more fucking disgusting shit in my mouth than that.
Know yourself as well as you know your fuckin' enemy...
and only then will you, can you win a thousand times in a row.
That is fucking 16th century ancient Chinese philosophy. Sun Tzu.
What, and this is gonna help me win Xbox? Yes.
It can help you fuckin'... Oh.
Yeah. It'll help you win at life.
Do not smoke all of this. This is my fuckin'...
I want to be able to put my foot into a pretzel.
You know I don't even smoke that much. Chill.
This is not what I sell. This is my fucking personal stash.
Let's get the dog high.
Uh-uh.
No, stop!
The dog... You know that dog is Mexican.
He's a fuckin' cholo.
Like, you should have named him Carlito.
That fuckin'... That dog will cut a bitch.
Starlito.
Tess?
Deep breath. Let it out.
Perfect.
Okay.
Why the fuck are you home?
What the fuck are you doing home?
Baby, I ripped my nail off. It hurts bad.
Why the fuck aren't you at work?
Um.
What? Things got... Things got messed up at work.
How did they get messed up at work?
I just made... I fucked up. I fucked it up.
Okay. How did you fuck it up? Explain this to me.
I shouldn't have gotten as fucked up as I did.
It wasn't that big of a deal. It's not the end of the world.
What do you mean you shouldn't have gotten as fucked up as you did?
Is somebody gonna call me later about today?
Stop asking me so many questions. I can't answer them all.
- $1,200! Where the fuck are we gonna... - That's what you care about?
You don't even care that I broke my nail, and it hurts!
What? What? What?
Why? Really. Why?
Because I hurt my finger.
Because I hurt, and my nail broke off.
Okay.
And it hurts really bad. Okay, okay. Okay!
All right.
Let me see it. All right.
Okay.
Seriously, I gotta finish vacuuming. Okay?
We don't eat the money. No, we don't eat the money.
This is to buy you things that you can eat.
It's comfy.
I like it. Do you like it?
I like it.
Mom?
Hey.
No, I'm good.
Great, listen. Listen.
I think you should come out here.
I think you'd really like it.
No, it's fine. I have a friend who can basically get a plane ticket for, like, free.
Are you sure?
Fine. Okay, whatever. Yeah.
Bye.
Love them. Beautiful, huh?
Yeah.
460 today.
Old money, hmm?
No, I don't have anything smaller. Uh, okay.
Come on, Starlet. Come on.
# Microphones, turntables #
# Beating matters in your brains like a hand drum #
# This here is a hip-hop anthem Everybody in this... #
- Hi. - Yes?
Um, I think I bought this from you at the yard sale.
You did. And I also told you there's no refunds, so what are you doing here?
No, I just... I... Good-bye. No.
But it's not about...
You want to be free, Greg? Um, I gue- Sure. Yeah.
Question.
Say you find, like, a shitload of money, and you're...
you're pretty sure you know whose it is...
and you're pretty sure that he or she has no idea that they ever had it...
what would you do?
How much money?
Well, like...
say, 10 grand.
You found 10 grand? No.
It's... I mean, it's just a story that... I mean...
Never mind. Give me that.
Yeah, I'm not high enough for these type of questions.
You know, unless they really needed it.
What? Who?
The money. Unless they really needed the money.
Like if it was a family, you know, and they were like...
homeless...
and broke and they were living off dog food.
Otherwise fuck it.
It's yours. Keep it.
Hey.
Be careful with that shit.
My mom pops like 10 a day.
This show sucks.
Just party, jackass.
# Big bitch, and she answer to Mocha #
# My pussy stay wet, and it's tighter than a choker
# It's real good, nigga I know you want a taste #
What am I doing?
# Nigga, tell me where you want it On the floor or on the bed?
# Bust one nut I ain't done, I got more to come #
# Pussy 50 good and it taste like a honey bun #
# I'm tasty # # Pink Dollaz #
#And we run that shit # # I'm tasty #
Starlet, where's she going?
Stay.
Hey. Um, you just dropped my friend off, but I can take her home.
You mean the old lady? Yeah.
Okay. Well... How much is it?
Well, I have, uh, 13.25. That's fine.
This is... This should cover it. That's... Oh, that's plenty.
Are you kidding? Thanks. No, that's fine.
Oh, my God. Hi!
Do you remember me? I was the one who bought the thermos from you.
- Hey, what's wrong? - My cab's gone.
- Well, I can give you a ride. No problem. - No. I'll call another.
No, no, no. Totally fine. I got it.
Here. I'll grab those.
No, no, no. Don't worry. Honestly. Hop in the car.
There. Right there.
Get in! I won't take no for an answer. Come on.
It's so weird running into you.
I like that grocery store. It's really good.
They have a good variety of cereal.
And they're always in stock with Rice Krispie Treats. It thrills me on all levels.
You can just leave 'em right there.
No, it's fine. I'll take them into the kitchen.
Is it that way?
Starlet. Off. Get off.
Starlet. Starlet. Get off.
Starlet. Okay. I'll show you.
Oh, I see. You want money.
No. No. No, no, no.
Totally fine.
Okay. Thank you then.
I'm a little... parched.
What?
I'm kind of thirsty.
Oh, God.
Here.
Thank you.
Oh. Do you have any ice? No.
Are you thirsty? What are you doing?
Starlet. What are you doing?
That dog's drinking out of that... my, my glass.
He's completely clean. It's fine.
I'll have to throw my glass away. No.
Do you realize an animal's drinking out of my glass?
Sorry.
That's sickening. And you're drinking out of it?
That's sick. Disgusting.
It's really nice here.
It's good water.
It's water.
Where you goin'?
Wow.
Why do you have so many Eiffel Towers?
I love Paris.
What do you like about Paris?
The Arc de Triomphe.
Champs-Élysées.
Petit Palais.
I love it all.
Don't touch anything! Put it down.
Sorry.
The Eiffel Tower in Vegas is pretty cool.
So what do you do?
What do you mean what do I do?
Like during the day. Like...
Like I-I don't know. I go out with my friends...
and we go clubbing, and sometimes I'll lie out...
and sometimes I'll take Starlet for a walk.
And...
I don't know. For, like, fun.
You know, like, whoo!
I don't know. For fun.
I play bingo every Saturday at St. Anne's.
Is that your idea of fun?
Yeah.
That's what I do.
Okay.
Well, I'm gonna go...
and I'm gonna give you my number.
And if you ever need a ride to the grocery store...
or, like, any little errand or whatever...
I can get a cab. I don't need you. It's... That's stupid.
Yeah, but it's so silly. I mean, I'm not gonna charge you anything, and I-
it's easier. You just call me.
Okay. Yeah.
And I'll bring my trusty sidekick.
Thank you for the water.
Yeah. Okay. But really, call me.
Bye!
Bye.
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is Mikey home?
Uh, I don't know. I'll check.
Mikey. Huh?
There are a couple kids outside for you.
Oh. Fuck.
You gotta take this fucking game for me. You gotta take this game.
It's a fucking live game. It's a live game.
Do not get me killed.
Okay, look. I need a little favor. Mikey's being cheap as fucking usual...
and I need to borrow $250, otherwise they're gonna take away Big Red.
They can't take away Big Red.
Sorry, it's none of my business, but why the fuck do you let him handle your money?
'Cause he's saving up for some big extravaganza.
I don't know, some big thing he's been plotting.
Did you get me fucking smoked?
You didn't get me smoked, did you? Here. Thank you.
You rock, Janie-Poo.
Janie-Poo.
What? I come up with cute nicknames...
unlike some people, who just call me "Babe."
300.
Thanks. Arash owes me a check anyway, so I'll just pay you back when he gets it to me.
Whatever.
Find it yet?
Here's a diagonal, the last number called.
And there's a second diagonal with the last number called.
Are there any others?
Game closed, with one winner.
Thank you. Thank you.
Hi. Hi, can I help you?
Um, yeah. What do I need?
For what? For the game.
To play bingo? Yeah.
You would need one of these packs.
Okay, and how much is it? It's $25.
Out of a hundred.
There you go, and good luck.
Thank you. Mm-hmm.
Thanks.
B-4.
Hi.
What are you doing here?
Bingo.
I've never seen you here before.
Well, it's a new interest.
O-71.
O... 71.
Phew. Can I borrow one of your markers? I forgot mine.
Oh, go ahead. Take one.
Thank you.
B-3.
Look. It matches my sweater.
B-3.
I'm playing bingo. Leave me alone.
I love this game.
O-70.
Bingo!
There is a bingo. B-7. Hold your cards.
Oh.
Game closed with one winner. Give the lucky player $150.
There's a five minute break here.
Plenty of room down there. You don't have to sit here.
One and 30.
But I don't know anybody else here.
N-38.
B-11.
N-35.
B-10.
O-69.
Oh, my cab. My cab's not here.
What happened? My cab. My cab's not here.
Again?
That's just weird. Oh.
Weird.
I guess I can give you a ride.
I'm a Sagittarius, which means I'm really... I'm really good with people...
according to my chart.
I bet you're like...
a Pisces.
You seem very sensitive.
And quiet.
So...
do you ever win at bingo?
Oh, my God! Fu... Help!
Get it off! Oh, my God!
- Fucking crazy old bitch! - You think I was born yesterday?
I know a scammer when I see one. Help!
Bingo? Yes!
You said something about a bingo game, and she maced you as a result of that?
She's fucking insane! Hey, hey, hey! Again with the language.
The cab was gone, and she was there, and she said, "Oh, well, I'll take you home."
As a favor? As a favor.
Fine. Done. We're done.
I suggest you take her to a fucking crazy person's home.
I felt that there's something funny here.
Please get in your vehicle and... I'm getting in my vehicle.
And drive away.
So you see this lady weekly? You see her all the time?
You know, it's like every time I turned around she was there.
So it's like I'm being haunted by this...
What is...
Starlet.
Jesus.
Yeah. Look at that. No.
No.
So what kind of cars do you have?
I got some trucks. I got S.U.V.s. I got some sports cars.
How much down payment are you working with?
With like...
I don't know. I've got some cash.
Oh, it's so pretty.
Told you.
Okay, so how much monthly then are we talking?
We gotta put it in the computer system. That way I can figure out...
how many months you wanna go, stuff like that.
Wait. Hold on. Sorry. Hello?
I was just calling to say that...
the officers told me that you weren't up to shenanigans...
that you were trying- you were just...
you were trying to be a Good Samaritan.
Okay. Apology accepted, I guess.
Bye.
I appreciate Good Samaritans.
Okay, great. Bye.
Uh, oh, oh, and if you're still interested...
in driving me to the supermarket, that would be fine.
Oh, that'd be fine, would it?
Bye.
Fucking unbelievable.
Sorry.
Why'd you name him Starlet? He's a boy.
I don't know. I had the name Starlet first, and then...
found him at a rescue shelter.
Just kinda stuck with it.
You like it, don't you? Don't you?
I like your garden.
Well, I've had it a long time, 40 years.
What's your favorite flower?
Mmm, I like the morning glory.
I really like those ones.
They remind me of my neighbor back in Florida.
She had them covering her front yard.
Can't remember what they're called though, like...
Black-eyed Susan.
Yeah.
So were you ever married? Yep.
A long time ago.
Yeah.
Frank died. He had a heart attack.
I'm sorry.
What'd he do? He was a gambler.
Wait. That's what he did?
For a living?
Yeah.
Wow. Just a gambler.
So what are you doing before bingo tomorrow?
Why? What are you asking for?
I don't know. Do you wanna have brunch? I don't do brunch.
Lunch?
Don't do lunch either.
Um, late breakfast?
Okay
7:30.
No, no, no. I said a late breakfast.
That's two and a half hours past the time I would eat.
Fine. 7:30 it is.
Dude.
What are you doing? No.
What the fuck?
Melissa!
Melissa, somebody just stole your car!
What?
- Somebody just stole your fucking car! - What the fuck? What?
Yeah, somebody just stole your car! Oh, my fuck.
Mikey, somebody fucking took the car.
- Should I call the cops? - No!
Tell her not to fucking call the cops. It just got repoed.
Don't call the cops.
What? Why? Fucking repo.
Why you getting mad at me? I told you not to fucking park it there. Ow!
You guys are fucking insane.
Jesus, you're hungry.
Well, the secret to living to be my age is a big breakfast like this.
No lunch...
and a salad for dinner, and you have the perfect bowel movement.
Jesus.
So, um...
yard sales often?
What? Do you have yard sales often?
Um.
Insurance company made me do it.
Why?
The mailman, clumsy idiot.
There was a little crack in the steps, and he fell and broke his leg.
And there was weeds and clutter...
and they said it was a risk and a safety hazard...
and so they... they're forcing me to clean it up.
I didn't know they could do that.
So...
the thermos I bought from you...
Is it...
What's with you and this thermos?
Is it broken?
No, no, no. I was just... I mean...
Is it yours, or...
Of course it's mine.
I wouldn't have put it... I was just asking. I just...
Is something wrong with it?
You can get your money back. No, it works great. Thank you.
So...
after your husband died...
did you ever think of getting remarried?
No.
You have children?
No.
Thank you.
I insist. Stop. It's not even that much.
No, it's mine. I didn't even eat that much. It's fine.
It's mine. Listen. I have more money than I can ever spend in my lifetime.
You do? Yes.
Remember I told you Franky was a gambler?
Yeah.
He was a good one.
L-27.
G-49.
Why don't you have any of those good luck charms that everybody else has?
They don't... They don't work. I don't use that stuff.
Really? No.
G-55. It's not my thing.
Because... I don't like that stuff.
They're winning.
N-37.
Bingo!
You win some, you lose some.
No, you lose them all.
I'll have you know, last year I won a game.
A game? Yes.
Really? Yes.
What did you win? $125.
Jesus, you'd think your husband's gambling luck would have rubbed off on you a bit more.
Hmm.
What?
I haven't...
I haven't seen Frank in three months.
What do you mean you haven't seen Frank in three months? I thought he was dead.
He 13 dead.
I-I mean, I haven't been to the cemetery since I stopped driving.
Did you lose your license?
No. I gave it up.
On my birthday last year.
I went to the D.M.V. and turned it in.
Jesus. Why the fuck would you turn in your license?
That's retarded.
Because when old people are old, they're old, and they don't need to be driving anymore.
You see that lady over there?
That's Dorothy. Yeah.
She was driving on the sidewalk...
for three blocks and didn't even realize it...
and then hit two pedestrians.
56.
They have no business driving...
'cause they're old.
So basically you're trying to ask for a ride?
Hmm.
Do you want me to give you a ride?
61. Ah.
Ah.
Oh, you know you want a ride, and I'm gonna give you a ride.
Stop. Get off my thing! just stop playing with my board!
Hi, Goobers! Kisses!
What are you doing?
Dyeing my hair. No.
No. Stop. You're gonna mess up. Sit.
I got Luscious Raspberry.
Luscious. Luscious. Luscious Raspberry.
I know... 'Cause I know, like, on the-
You know like on the color wheel what things go together.
I would've been good at that.
Like, you know, and, like...
you know, work at one of those salons and...
I thought about, like, Hot Pink too...
but that's kind of like too, you know, whorey, like wanting attention.
Red's more subtle.
Stop. That's it. Stop, stop, stop, stop. That's it.
Where? Okay. Right here. Right here.
Could you back up a little tiny bit?
That's too much.
Well, I don't... You said back up.
I assumed that you wanted to go back. I just...
Yeah, but I don't want that much. just... Now that's it.
Is this okay? Stop right here. That's it.
You sure? That's it. Good.
Maybe we can make it better and... I want you to-
Stop. You're making me nuts! This is nice.
Will you stop? This is it.
You got the car crooked.
Are those from your garden?
Yes, I try to bring a different bunch every time I come.
I'll be back.
I really prefer my own brand.
That dry shit that you shove into hot water?
- Hello? - Janey, it's me.
My cell phone got shut off. Can you give me a ride to Renegade?
- I'll do it when I get home. - No, no, no. I need a ride now. It's an emergency.
All the other girls got their checks but me.
Where are you?
Um.
I'm on the corner of Winnetka and Vanowen.
What's up?
We have to take a slight detour.
I'm really sorry about this, by the way.
In back.
Hey! Watch Starlet! Jesus, Melissa! Come on.
Arash is totally fucking me.
Why isn't Mikey handling this?
Because he said he doesn't want to rock the boat.
Renegade. It's Zana.
Zana. Zana!
She's quite the stable one.
Hmm. Yeah.
Walking!
You wanna tell me why you haven't fucking paid me?
Huh? Let me call you back.
Where's my fucking money?
Are you kidding me? No.
You didn't even work. What are you talking about?
You don't even remember what happened, do you?
You couldn't perform, I called a cab for you, and I sent you home.
Do you remember that?
So pay me my fucking kill fee then.
What kill fee? You know very well kill fee is paid when I'm the one who cancels.
Then... What are you talking about?
Then help me find a new job like you-
Then fucking help me like you said you were gonna fucking help me!
- I have been trying to help you for months. - You'd pay me if you wanted to help me!
Pay you for what? Pay me for my work! Or for my not work!
If you don't wanna hire me, then fucking help me, like you say you're gonna help me.
You know what? I had enough of this. Go.
"I had enough of this. Go. Oh, get out."
Be nice. "Be nice."
Fucking sand nigger. Get the fuck out of here! Janice!
What kind of business is this?
Um, it's like a temp agency.
Hmm.
Get the fuck off me, bitch. Bitch?
You're outta here! Outta here! I'm not fucking going anywhere!
Out! Oh, I wanna punch you in your brown face!
Why don't you do it then? Stop it. You stop too!
You fucking touch us all! Get her out of here!
You fucking love molesting all of us, huh? When did that happen? When?
I bet you fucking touch Janice, and she fucking likes it!
- You're out! - I'm going. I'll take my sweet time.
Get that fucking thing out of my face.
Wow. I'm really gonna miss it here.
Come on.
Stop.
I'm trying to make this a little better for you. You could at least just walk out with some class.
Oh! What is that?
What are you doing? Zana, come on.
How's that for B.T.S.? Fucking pathetic losers.
You are so paying for that.
Oh, I'll fucking pay for it when Arash pays me, bitches!
Suck it!
Thanks, Zana. You're gonna get me fired.
Suck my dick.
Jane, please, you have to go get me my money. Please?
It's Tess.
Hey. Amy.
Wait, Tess. No, I have to deal with this.
Really?
You all right?
Who are you?
I mean... That's not-not my problem.
Can somebody just talk to her? Janice, you're good with her. Come on.
I was good with her, until she came flying in here like some cracked-out little spider monkey.
She called me a bitch. She's shoving people. Fuck.
We're done. I don't know what to say to her. She's in my car.
I just... Let's go downstairs. I'll walk you down.
Come. I gotta talk to you.
By the way, we are number one in preorders.
That means you are getting the cover.
Really? Yeah. How cool is that?
Oh, it's a pleasure to meet Jane's grandmother.
- I'm not her grandmother. - Arash, she's not my grandmother.
Oh, I'm sorry.
And you... I'm gonna be very nice to you.
I'm gonna freeze you for one month. What?
And ask your boyfriend what a noncompete clause means...
'cause if I hear you're taking other work, you're through for life.
Hey, we should go. It was a pleasure meeting you, ma'am.
- Bye. - Wait. What about the expo, Arash?
You're not coming to the show. What?
Thanks. Bye.
So what's up with the old lady? just somebody I'm helping out.
Helping with what?
It's nothing.
Hello?
Hey, Janice.
Cool. Yeah, I'll be there at 10:00.
Okay.
Wait. Who am I working with tomorrow?
Ooh.
You think you could talk to him for me and just kind of, like, smooth things over?
Can't you just let things blow over for a couple weeks?
I mean, it'll be fine.
Yeah.
Okay.
- Walk him. Make sure he pees. - Yeah, yeah.
Hey, have fun today. Thank you. Bye.
Bye.
So full of people...
Do it, girl. They keep telling me I should have one...
'cause every time one of them mentions me, my followers go up.
I'm like, really?
Okay, mush. You can cover my third eye.
One more.
There you go.
Hey, beautiful. Hi.
Cammie, how are you? Good. How are you?
Good. Make sure she looks like million bucks today.
Oh. Done!
Chin up.
Cool. Thank you.
Pull that light down a little bit. You got it.
And, uh, remove those stingers over there, and we'll go ahead...
Tess, how are you? Good. How are you?
Good. This is Manuel. Hey.
How are you? Good. How are you?
Very good to meet you.
All right. Go ahead. Grab a seat right there, and we'll...
Let me look at them. Yeah.
Beautiful. Okay. They look good?
Yeah. Too much?
No, it's very good. Okay. All right.
Cool. Well, grab a seat, and we'll just basically, you know...
Manuel, trusting soul here, he's gonna take us...
Yeah?
What the fuck is this, man? It's just a little dust.
We have two full HD cameras. Right? Yeah.
So this stuff is gonna be on the scene. That's props. Props!
Got it. Please clean it.
That's why I didn't like to shoot here. This was your idea.
No. it's all right. It's a great space. Make sure somebody cleans that.
I guarantee we'll take care of it. This is very important.
I know it's very important for you. Make sure it's clone right.
We're gonna take care of it. Why don't you grab a seat back there and we'll begin.
Great, thanks.
All right. So it's real simple. Manuel, I need a pop shot right there.
What is that? Hmm?
What did you get into?
Eight, nine.
That sounds great.
We'll change the script.
Do you want this closed? Yeah.
Head on in, close the door...
and then, when I say action, you're coming out.
Do you want me to be dick ready, or...
Yeah, well, just, you know, you know, you know...
Let it build, but keep both arms behind the back.
Kay. Oh, perfect.
Okay, here we go.
And...
action.
Oh, girl. Fuck.
I love it when you work my fuckin' cock.
Oh, yeah.
Open up to the camera, guys.
Who's my pretty bitch?
Oh, yeah.
Mmm. Oh.
Come here, Tess.
Come on up. Come here. Come here.
Yeah, fuck me.
Fuck me, baby.
Come on, Tess. Come on.
I'm on the set. What?
Which door?
They fixed that door Tuesday.
No, it's all right. I'll take a look at it.
Just be... You're probably pressing the wrong button.
Oh, God!
Tess, hair. Hair.
Oh, God!
I gotta go, man. Okay.
Guys, I'm gonna go.
Tess, you're a superstar, baby. Bye!
Bye. Manuel, you were great.
Thank you. Thanks, man.
Okay, guys, we're ready for the pop shot.
Yeah. Come here, Tess. Come here, Tess.
Good. All right, cut.
Hey, get them a towel, will you?
Dude, I hate you.
Only for work? Yeah.
- What's up? - Hi.
Hi. I'm Asa.
Jane. I mean Tess.
Jane.
You're new? Yeah.
Nice to meet you.
She is really good though.
Yeah? Really good.
That must mean you're really good then.
No, it means I'm sitting right next to him. No, he's not that nice.
I'm not that nice.
I'm French, and it's in my blood to be a dick.
Okay! So I heard a funny joke today. Want to hear it?
Yeah, go ahead.
What...
Wait. She's always bad with jokes.
Hold on, hold on!
What's worse than getting fingered by...
No, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. This is the worst ever.
Whatever. Whatever. it's ruined. What will it be? Come on.
Make us laugh. No, no, no.
Oh! I remember. I remember. It's...
What's worse then getting banged by Jack the Ripper?
Oh, God. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
But that would probably make you squirt 'cause it's like...
Oh, shit, guys, I have to go. I have to get my makeup off.
Nice to meet you, Shadow. We've got to work together.
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I'll probably see you around.
Good working with you. You too.
I was just at the dentist...
and my whole entire this side of my mouth is numb right now.
I can't feel it, and I think I might drool.
Drool!
I'm gonna pull the car around to the front. Okay.
I'll see you outside? Okay.
Let's go. You're in a fire lane.
Yeah, yeah. I'm moving.
No, you need to go. Come on. just two seconds, sir.
Lady, look at all these cars here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm just- I'm waiting for my... She's old.
I don't care if she's 90. You need to get your car out of the way.
Please? Circle the block so I don't lose my job.
Oh, fine.
Oh, come on!
Move!
Learn how to drive, bitch! Really?
Shit.
I just shooed her off a couple minutes ago.
She probably went that way. Dude! Fuck. Shit.
Come on, let's go. Thanks.
Are you kidding me?
What the fuck are you doing?
Get in the car!
Sadie, get in the car.
I can't believe you thought I would leave you.
What-What were you trying to do?
You were gonna walk home? Are you insane?
Jesus.
For the dog.
Hey.
- Hey. - How'd the shoot go?
Really well, actually. Good.
Did Arash ask about me?
Uh, no, I didn't really have a chance to talk to him.
- Jane? - Yeah.
What? Never mind.
Okay.
Hey, did you see lots of those in Paris?
I've never been there.
What do you mean you've never been there?
I've never been to Paris.
But you... You said you love Paris. I do.
There's a movie with Astaire and Hepburn...
and they're dancing in the streets.
I don't remember the name. That's my favorite.
Yeah.
You are one tough cookie to read. I will tell you that, Sadie.
Well, is this baby the only man in your life?
Mmm.
I don't know. it's complicated.
Like, my work, it doesn't really allow for it.
Well, don't seem like a very strenuous schedule that you have.
What about you? What about me what?
Oh, I don't work. I'm... No.
No, no, no, What about dating?
Oh.
My first, last date with my Franky...
was when we went to the Los Angeles Zoo...
and he proposed.
That's really cute.
I want that.
Yeah.
- Let's go. - What? Why? We just got here.
No! Let's go to the zoo.
I wanna go to the zoo.
We could revisit where you and Frank first got it on...
And then, I don't know.
I mean, a gorilla could propose to me for all we know.
Come on. it's a road trip. It's just right over the hill.
It closed in 1965.
Sorry.
We can go find the new one.
But this is the one we came to.
So when was the last time you left the Valley?
I suppose it was a long time ago.
Yeah.
Sorry. Maybe that wasn't such a hot idea.
Well... Hmm.
Hmm.
Hey, do you want to Star-sit next weekend?
Do... Do what?
Dog-sit Starlet.
I mean, I have a job, and I can't really bring him, so...
I don't know.
Okay.
Bye.
Hey. Wanna tan?
No. Wait, you got your car back.
Sure did. But I thought you didn't have the money.
Wait, so is this...
Are you doing this, like, regularly?
Yeah. What's the big deal?
You've never taken a private?
No.
Well, when you're ready, I'll hook you up.
Don't go through Mikey. He'll take 50%.
Can I ask you why you're holding on to all these newspapers?
There are articles in there that I save.
Would you mind explaining what's happening in the fireplace?
That's my... Another place that I keep things that... that I refer to.
And then we have the tree outside. It's overgrown. We have to trim that back.
Wait! I don't want anybody touching my tree. That's my tree.
We're not gonna cut it down. We're just gonna trim it back.
These are the people I was telling you about.
Ms. Perkins, you have to clean this up, or you're gonna face another lawsuit.
I already had my yard sale...
and I had the lawn mowed and I had it all cleaned...
You're gonna have to have a bigger yard sale.
Okay?
Number one, you said you have no visitors. I don't have any visitors.
You have a visitor right here!
You can lose your fucking attitude, number one.
She is trying to help. I'm sorry, but it seems like you're the one with the attitude.
- Okay, ladies. We should go. - Yeah, I think it's time to go.
- Yeah, I think it is. - Hmm. Sorry.
I hope she trips and falls.
If he's being good, you can give him snacks.
Okay. And then...
He can play with that little toy? Yeah.
Okay.
I'm off. I have to go.
All right, here we go.
Are you nervous?
Not really. Should I be? No. I am a little bit.
Fucking jules's booth is three times larger than ours.
This is downtown L.A., not Vegas.
If you've done your job right, your face is gonna be hurting by tonight.
What? Why?
Smiling.
You a good boy?
I bet you miss your mommy, don't you? Huh?
Tess. Hi.
How are you guys doing today?
You're a fan? Yeah.
Do you do any girl-on-girl scenes?
You have a beautiful vagina.
I'm so happy. Fabulous.
She thanks you.
Here. Thank you, baby.
She has like that much left. Okay.
I mean, what I can do is, if...
I'll just make sure. Like, if it does run, then I'll go...
Hi.
What's your name? I'm Joey.
Pardon? Joey.
Joey? Yeah.
Nice to meet you. Tess. Hi.
How's your day?
Good. Yeah?
They said I could have a picture with you.
I would love to have a picture with you. Okay.
Starlet.
Starlet?
Oh.
Starlet?
Oh, shit.
Take care.
Oh.
I'm so proud of you. I'm exhausted.
You know what I was thinking? Yeah.
We do a couple more of these next-door-girl things...
and then we fix your tits.
Okay.
Yeah? Yeah.
Kind of scared. I know this great doctor in Beverly Hills.
Yeah?
Starlet!
Hello.
Have you seen...
I've lost my little dog.
Vanessa? Qué?
What? Did you see a little dog?
No, I haven't seen a dog. A little Chihuahua?
No, I have not. Oh, crap.
Starlet!
Jules, what's up man? Good to see you.
How are you? Good.
How are you, baby?
Baby, let's go.
So anyways, yeah.
Actually, I just, like, came by to talk to you about Melissa.
And I, you know... I understand why you did it, but she's doing, like, a lot better.
Where is Melissa? Is she here?
What the fuck is she doing here, man?
Can she at least sign...
a few pictures for the fans? No, she can't.
Is she fucked up again?
All her fucking DVD's are out here-
What is that fucking red hair?
I told her not to do it.
I told her, and I'm telling you. She's frozen for a month.
You gotta get her out of here now. Melissa.
We got... We gotta go. We gotta go.
Just fucking move away from your table.
Look, I fucking totally understand your problems with her.
I have all the same fucking problems with her that you do...
and I don't want that to affect our working relationship.
That'd be fucking no good with me.
Zana?
That's why I want to talk to you. I have a good idea.
You know X-Men? We could do fucking Triple-X-Men.
I'd play Wolverine. It would be so sick.
It would be so awesome. Think about it. Is that a fact?
Yeah! I used to be a purple belt, so like, the physicality...
Renegade does no parodies.
Ooh, get my butt. My butt looks really good in this.
Can I get a picture of your butt? Yeah.
Let me just-
If you want to talk to me, you come back, talk to me on first.
Now you go get her and get the fuck out of here.
Go. Now. Thanks, man. I really fucking appreciate it.
Melissa, we gotta get the fuck out of here.
Come on. Now.
That girl is bad news. I don't want to see you with her.
I live with her.
So don't live with her anymore.
Think about what I told you, all right?
What happened?
Are you okay?
Absolutely not.
Here, take Starlet.
Wait. Well, what happened?
What did he... What did he do?
He didn't do anything.
I-I don't need this friendship or your help.
What do you mean? I appreciate it.
I just can't handle this anymore. What can't you handle?
Just take him.
What happened? Nothing happened. just take him.
I can't handle it anymore. I can't handle it anymore!
Just go! What happened?
Good-bye. I can't handle it. You want me to call the police?
No! Go! Just go.
What are you... Just go!
Just go. Sadie!
Good-bye.
Sadie! Good-bye.
Sadie, what happened?
Wh... Fuck! What is she, bipo...
What did you do?
Fuck.
What's up?
Not now, Melissa.
God.
Fuck is going on?
Mikey has a surprise for us.
Mikey, come on. Now you woke up Jane.
What's going on?
Do not come down here. It is a fucking surprise!
I... Listen! I repeat. Do not come down until I'm ready.
This shit is going to be like Christmas.
I promise you it is worth the wait.
All right, okay. Almost ready.
All right, I'm coming. I'm coming.
Okay, no peeking. Come here.
You too.
Sorry to wake you up, but this is so killer.
# You got a lovely face #
# We're goin' to your place # You are gonna be so pumped.
All right? Is everybody all right? One stair at a time.
Be careful. # Scream 50 loud #
Don't want anybody to break their legs.
Well, be careful! # You want me to stay
Okay, ready? # But I got to make my way #
Okay. Okay, open your eyes.
Huh? What do you think?
# When I dream I'm doing you all night #
# Scratches all down my back to keep me right on #
What are you doing on the couch? Get up. Vámonos!
Vámonos, muchachos. You're spoilin' the groove.
This is what you spent the money on?
Hell, yeah, son! This is what I spent our money on!
Look. Real silk curtains.
This is a fuckin' real leather couch. Both of these.
They spent all morning putting up these fucking mirrors.
Look at this. Stainless steel pole. Huh? This isn't going anywhere.
This stage is 400 pounds. It's fabricated Italian marble.
That is not even the best part.
The best part is right here. Boom!
Black lights.
Looks like a legit strip club in here, doesn't it? Huh?
'Cause I'm gonna tell you, what you're gonna start doing...
is you're gonna start practicing for those feature gigs.
Yeah. And you know what?
I already booked us one for the end of the month in Seattle.
Pays a thousand dollars for the weekend. Plus, we get to keep... Whoosh! All the tips.
I negotiated that shit.
Oh, and you know what?
Listen, Jane, if you ever want to use this...
feel more than free, okay?
Because what I'm thinking is...
you two in, like, some sort of dual-featured act.
Oh, my God, that would be sick!
Hey, wanna go out tonight? We haven't been out in forever.
Yeah, could be fun.
Are you shitting me?
Can't even say thank you?
You know what?
Not so much to me but how about to the hardworking folks from Mexico?
You know how long they fuckin' busted their ass putting this in for you?
No, you don't.
'Cause you want to know why? 'Cause they're all fucking ungrateful.
They're all ungrateful, crazy, fucking whores.
- Sí - Sí
# But you fuck so good I'm on top of it #
Oh, fuck.
Take it easy next time.
Oh, Janey, you're my best friend.
One minute. Here, here, here.
Here.
You're such a good fr-friend.
Blow your nose.
You're such a good friend, Jane.
You know I was thinking about that question you asked me.
What question?
You know, the one about the money.
I think, if I were you...
I would spend it on someone that I really cared about.
On someone who really needed it.
You know, the people that matter the most.
Oh, come here.
Love you.
I'm sorry. No.
Let me get you to bed. Come on.
Fifty. Good.
Sixty-eight. Good.
Hello.
Listen.
Listen!
I have two tickets to Paris, first class. They're non-refundable.
And we're staying one week at the Hotel Monte-whatever-the-fuck-it's-called.
We leave Tuesday.
It's ridiculous.
Wait, I'm sorry. I just said we had two first-class tickets to Paris...
and that's what you have to say? I'm not going anywhere with you.
I can't leave the country. I'm too old.
And besides, I don't have a passport. Twenty-three.
Okay, excuse me.
Number one, passport's not an issue.
There's an expediting service.
Number two, I spent eight grand on this. You don't have a choice.
Where'd you get the money? It doesn't matter where I got the money.
I mean... That's insane.
I'm not going to Paris with you.
You can't convince me.
Listen.
I will make you a wager.
I will play the next game of Bingo, and if I win, then you're coming.
One.
Yes? Bingo!
Bingo called. Look. Game over.
I'll take that as a "Yes".
Are there any others? Are there any others?
Hi. I need the maximum amount of packs.
I'm sorry?
I need the maximum... I need the maximum amount of packs.
Twenty-five packs will be $175.
You realize the most you can win is $150?
Okay, 200. Okay.
Uh, your change? No, it's fine. Thank you.
You are totally insane. Crazy.
First number: N-36.
O-75.
O-71.
Fuck.
Sit down. You're embarrassing me.
O-72.
B-Z.
G-47.
D-11.
I've got- N-37.
I've got Bingo.
No.
Me! Bingo! Bingo!
- Me! Bingo! - There's a Bingo out there.
Congratulations, Sadie.
Thank you. It's been a while.
I just did it.
And you lost.
Look at all this stuff, and you lost.
But you never win!
I did today.
I won. O-69.
Does this mean you're not coming to Paris?
Oh.
B-10.
Mmm. Mmm?
Mm-mmm. Mmm.
I know that one.
B-2.
- Hey. - Hey.
Oh, Mikey's using your room.
Yeah, suck that shit. Yeah.
My turn.
Mm-hmm, yeah. Gimme the tongue!
Whoo.
Oh, the bathroom's over here.
Mikey. Mikey. Hold on a second!
I really need to rinse off!
Okay, there's a towel in there, but don't use the good towels. Don't use the white towel.
Did you use the bed? No, I didn't use the bed.
One towel? Yeah, for both of you. Sorry.
No, I didn't use the bed. It was a fuckin' P.O.V. B.j.
Why can't you just use that room?
I can't use that room. I've shot that room out.
I need the fucking yellow walls in here.
You know what I'm gonna do in here, is I'm gonna paint.
I'm gonna paint black and white polka dots. It's gonna be fuckin' awesome.
When you guys get done, meet me downstairs...
so fucking everybody can get paid, all right?
Jesus.
What agency are you with? I'm with 101.
Oh, okay. Yeah, okay.
What is this?
That's my luggage.
Can you get it?
This thing is older than you are.
It works. Okay.
This dress. Okay.
And then that.
I see this for Paris.
Okay
This! What?
And I should wear this one.
Right?
Is it okay? Yeah.
No Frenchman can resist some Leopard.
All right, if you say so. I do.
I hear the Frenchmen can be quite the lovers.
Are they really?
They'll love you.
Hey, what are you doing?
Packing.
I'm going... I'm going away this week.
Yeah? Where are you going?
We're going to Paris, actually.
Paris? With who?
Uh, that woman, Sadie.
On whose dime?
Mine.
Bull-fucking-shit!
What? Bullshit!
Get out of there! Where is the fuckin' money?
Why are you going through my shit?
You fuckin' spent all the fuckin' money?
Why did you go through my shit? Starlet showed it to me.
Oh, you just blame my fucking dog? No, the fucking dog doesn't matter, Jane.
I can't believe you just spent all the fucking money.
What did you expect? What do you mean, what did I expect?
I didn't expect you to spend the fucking money to go to Paris...
with some fuckin' old bitch.
I expected you to spend the money on us, on me, on your fucking real friends!
Oh, really? Yeah!
Really? Of course!
Like I've been doing for fucking months, Melissa? Like that?
You let my car get taken away.
You let me make a fool out of myself at Renegade.
Not to mention Arash is bad-mouthing me all over town.
And now you decide to go on a fucking vacation...
and you don't even bring me?
You go on a fucking vacation? Some fucking friend you are!
Melissa! It is so much more complicated than that, and you know it!
Why don't you wear a knee brace?
Mmm, shut up, Greg. Why don't you play with somethin' down the street?
You think I'm so fucking stupid!
Yeah, you are fucking stupid! You're the fucking stupid one!
- Stay away from me. - It's not even your fucking money!
It's the old bitch's money!
- Yeah, bitch! - Fuck off.
Go back to fucking Jacksonville, whore!
Get out!
Get the fuck out of my room! Hey, hey.
Stop it. Stop, stop.
- She is fucking done here, man. - Go pop some more oxy.
Pack your bags, bitch. You're fuckin' outta here!
Shut... You know what? I don't fucking like it here anyway.
Shut up! Shut up! We're the best you ever had.
Okay, shut up. Get out.
Shut up. Shut up! Shut up!
Get her out of my room. Listen to me.
We have neighbors. Shut your fucking mouth.
Get her out of my... Mikey?
Get out of here. Get her out of my room.
Get out! Get out of my...
Fuck!
Come here, okay?
It's okay. it's okay, Starlet.
Twelve hundred bucks is walking out the fucking door!
And you know what?
I'm not going to be able to put another bitch up in there for at least a fucking month.
Are you gonna... Listen to me.
Are you gonna fuckin' pay for it? You gonna live with a liar and a cheat?
I don't give a fuck what she is, but she pays fucking rent.
Now how are we gonna... So what? Shh, baby, baby... I can afford this place on my own.
I've been doing enough privates. We'll be fine.
Jesus fucking Christ, Melissa! Are you shitting me?
You've been booking privates behind my back?
You're kidding me, right?
What did you expect?
It's everything I borrowed.
Unlike some people, I return money that isn't mine.
Father, tell him I wanna play. Hold on a second.
You can't. You don't know how!
Mona, can you watch the kids for two minutes, please?
Let me finish this phone call.
Yes. I'll make a couple of calls. I'll get you a house.
Don't worry about it. This is for good.
This way is much better for you.
Gracie.
Yo, Gracie! What?
Your girl's here.
Hi. I'm Tess.
You're late. Come on. I'll show you to your room.
There is no smoking in the house. Go on the patio.
This is my room if you need anything.
This is Mark's room.
Don't even knock on his door.
You good? 'Kay.
I don't know if Arash wants you doing any webcam or not...
but if he does, put it on the schedule...
so I don't have any conflicts.
This is your room.
Don't let your dog pee in the house, and label anything you put in the fridge.
Thank you, Rommel. Love you.
Oh, yes. Of course I'll do some fully nude ass-shaking for you, Eros.
Buy those tokens, guys!
Oh, God. I'm praying that you pull this off.
Oh, Jesus, help. Nope.
Fuckin' Jesus doesn't exist.
Great job, Melissa. Great job.
I'm glad I wasted all this fucking money...
putting this in so you can fucking learn how to do this!
Where are you going?
Really?
Okay. Have fun.
Hello.
Hey, remember me? I'm Jane's friend.
Anyway, I was just coming by to tell you...
that the only reason why Jane's hanging out with you...
is 'cause she has a bunch of your money.
I don't know how she got it, but I know she has it.
Mmm.
Yeah, and...
At first I thought she was hanging out with you...
'cause she felt sorry for you.
You know, pitied you.
Some old lady, probably going to die soon.
Then I realized...
she just felt guilty for taking your money.
She's not your friend.
Just thought you should know the truth.
Okay. Well, so I'll see you around.
Bye.
Sadie?
Hi.
Are you ready? Mm-hmm.
You look nice.
You okay? Mm-hmm.
It's not that bad.
Lets the sun in.
Oh, wait. Almost forgot.
Hey, you're okay, right?
It's gonna be fun.
Can we stop at the cemetery on the way to the airport?
Uh, I don't know if we have time.
It only takes a minute. It's right on the way.
Hey, you know, we're cutting it kind of close.
Are you sure you don't want to do this when we get back?
It's all right. We'll be okay.
We're... We're here.
Could you do this?
You'll be faster than me.
Yeah. Okay.
Here. Hold Starlet.