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Otto!
Open inspection.
I don't think so.
It doesn't feel right, somehow.
Only people who like garlic as neighbours.
They're the best neighbours to have.
We're here. The train station's there.
No more than five minutes' walk.
The bus routes are there and there. About six or seven, I think.
Let's walk it and see.
- Hiya. - Hi.
- Hello. - Hello.
There - that's 6.5 minutes again.
Fingers crossed.
King! Wakey wakey!
This'll wake him.
J' Wassup, muthafucka? J'
Wassup, motherfucker!
J' Don't fuck with me, you pussy-assed muthafucka
J' 'Cause ah'm tha one I'm not fuckin' with
J' When I a baby boy, I killed my twin
J' Brother grim, suffocated him... J'
King!
J' ..they held me, repelled me, expelled me to the penitentiary
J' Yessiree, none could fuck with me, and in society I rule
J' Ah'm the dominator, terminator, re-indicator of direction
J' Ah'm born to die to make you cry... J'
- King home? - Yeah, course he is.
King!
J' I'm the scariest fuckin' nigga ever stood
J' Ah'm the one, ah'm the one, ah'm the one
J' Ah'm a crazy muthafucka, fuckin' awesome muthafucka
J' Ah'm a scary fuckin' nigga
J' Finger on the fuckin' trigger
J' Ah'm a finger-fucking frigger In my bitch!
J' Now, I rule these fuckin' streets
J' And the cops on their beats, I don't give a fuck
J' Fuck the police, they don't fuck with me no more
J' 'Cause they fuckin' know if they cheat they're dead meat in the street
J' In two seconds less than it takes for me to piss on their bullet-ridden body
J' Ah'm a cop killer, shoplifter, e seller, bank teller
J' Ah'm out to smash, to kill and crash
J' And turn the fuckin' cops to trash
J' Ah'm fuckin' public enemy fuckin' number one
J' Ah'm more dangerous than Attila the fuckin' Hun!
J' Ah'm the one! Ah'm the one! Ah'm the one!
J' Ah'm a crazy muthafucka fuckin' awesome muthafucka
J' Ah'm a scary fuckin' nigga, finger on the fuckin' trigger
J' Ah'm a finger-fuckin' frigger in my bitch!
J' Bitches and ladies, you don't know shit
J' Let me tell you right... J'
So you bought the place, hey?
Yeah.
Otto.
I'm a chef.
My wife's Maria.
In the corporate world. Executive assistant.
Max, science teacher. Therese, tax accountant.
Looks like the men do all the cooking.
You know - bubble, bubble.
I see.
Hello!
Maria, this is Max.
They're the ones. They bought the place.
You are the only ones who ever said 'hi'.
You wouldn't believe it, but everyone else always ignored us.
We were hoping you'd be the ones.
Just met the neighbours on this side. They seem really nice.
Otto and Maria.
Otto's Mr Have A Chat.
A good balance then!
What?
Nice on one side and very interesting on the other.
Careful you don't cut yourself on the fence there.
I'm sitting on my slippery dip.
Hmm.
I'm Therese, your new neighbour.
I know that.
And you are?
Mirabelle. But you don't have to call me that.
- No? - No.
And what should I call you?
Maybe we should start on the lower branches,
open it up underneath.
For some native grasses, maybe.
- Yeah. - OK.
I'll do the acacias, you do the casuarinas
and we should do the grevilleas together.
- Sounds like a plan. - Mmm.
I think I've just seen a drug deal go down.
What?
J' Ah'm the one, ah'm the one, ah'm the one
J' Ah'm a crazy muthafucka, fuckin' awesome muthafucka
J' Ah'm a scary fuckin' nigga, finger on the fuckin' trigger
J' Ah'm a finger-fuckin' frigger in my bitch... J'
Don't worry. That's not the worst of it.
I've had to call the cops a number of times.
You wouldn't believe the racket some nights.
Mmm, I sort of feel safer this way.
You know - if we maintain good relations with them,
they'll keep an eye out on the place.
Know they're on to a good thing with us as neighbours.
Yeah.
You want a cup of tea?
Yes, please.
It sounds like someone's getting murdered.
Mmm.
Maybe we should call the cops.
No, amphetamines. They're out of control, but it sounds worse than it is.
The ice sends them...
How do you know so much about it?
A broken window.
Mmm. Two broken windows.
A big night.
Don't you work?
No, no, no. We have jobs.
We're just on holidays.
Can I come over then?
Maybe you should ask your mum or your dad.
I already did.
You'll have to lift me over.
Are you sure you're allowed?
She did ask, but only if it's OK with you.
- Yeah! - Of course it is.
Come on, monkey.
Thanks. But send her back as soon as you're sick of her.
She'll be fine.
Psst! Psst!
Psst! Hey!
I'm King. I'm your neighbour.
Hi, I'm Max. This is Therese.
Yeah, doin' the garden nice, hey?
Yeah, we're trying. Probably do some planting next weekend.
Put some more natives in. And once they're established...
- ..no watering. - Look, gotta go. Nice talking to ya.
I still can't believe it. He just ignored me.
Well, he was talking to the patriarch. Women don't rate in his paradigm.
Max, it's as if I wasn't even there.
Look!
Another drug deal.
How would you know?
I'm a tax accountant. I know the criminal mind.
More like you have one.
It's bad enough for us. It must be impossible for you.
Oh, no. No worries.
We're pretty tolerant.
Yep, best neighbours on one side, most interesting on the other.
- Tell him. - What?
Well, Mirabelle and I were talking about the possibility
of a magic door in the fence.
- Can we, Mum? - Yep.
The matriarch paradigm.
J' I'm the scariest fuckin' nigga ever stood... J'
It would help if he played a different song.
He's been trying to learn the words.
J' Ah'm a scam fuckin' nigga... J'
Really?
That's actually quite nice, then.
Yeah. He's got a creative streak.
Thank God for that.
Just means that somebody called the cops.
That's all.
Seven, eight... And it's just lying there.
Don't show Otto. He'll be up for it.
Could be the police arrived and they ditched it over the fence.
Yeah, Otto called them again last night.
I'll take that. I'll put it in the compost bin.
Oh!
Oh, hello.
When are we gonna make the magic door?
Let them in? You let them two fuckin' cops into your house?
Should've said, 'Where's your fuckin' warrant, you cunts?'
Should've fuckin' shot 'em dead! Boom! Dead!
I would've grabbed him by the fuckin' hair!
I don't care if one of them was bald.
I would've grabbed him by his fuckin' skull then!
Then I would've let 'em have it! Fuck them right up the arse!
Right up the fuckin' arse!
- Then I would've fuckin' shot the cunt! - You're full of shit.
Fuckin' give it to you up the arse!
- I'm sure you'd love to, hey, buddy? - Actually, I would.
I reckon he's been in jail.
Who?
The big bloke who's around all the time.
- Shrek. - What?
Well, in my mind, I call him 'Shrek'.
He reminds me of a Shrek. In physical appearance only.
What about the other one? The mean-looking one.
He seems to think he's some big, South American drug boss,
on his mobile all the time.
- 'Escobar', then. - Who?
I thought you might know a little bit about that.
What?!
Escobar, South American drug lord.
You sound like Trivial Pursuit.
Well, I'm a teacher.
I'm meant to know these things.
Get out! Get out!
Get out of the fucking car, you fuckin' piece of shit!
Get the fuck out! You son of a bitch, get the fuck out!
- What's going on?
Fuck off! Piss off, you cunt, or I'll fuckin' smash ya! Fuck off!
Off!
Now, listen, get me my fuckin' money.
In fuckin' half an hour, you get me my fuckin' money
and get back here in half an hour or I'll kill ya!
Get the fuck in the car and fuck off outta my sight, you fucking fat cunt!
Whoo! Whoo!
I don't want to go down that path, Therese.
I just think it's gonna make things a whole lot worse.
If you don't, I will.
OK.
At least then I can say I've never called the cops on them.
Well, that shut them up.
Mm-hm.
That shut the fuckers up!
No, not the hammer, thanks.
Could you pass me the tin snips, please?
Those ones there.
Over there with the blue handles.
They're the ones.
These are the tin snips.
And here we go - magic door!
I'm just gonna put this... in here.
Like that.
Now, what's the first rule of the magic door?
Always ask you or Therese.
Very good. And the second rule?
If you say yes, always ask Mummy or Daddy.
Very good.
Max, have you seen what King is doing?
No.
He's hacking down every bit of vegetation in his front yard.
Oh. I guess he's entitled to.
He's just an idiot.
' Hmm!
Nice door.
We're talking about the rules.
Ah, yes, the most important three rules.
And he managed to get as much...
J' GENTLE SWING
Evening.
Could we borrow your bottle opener?
We can't get it open.
Need a bottle opener.
Corkscrew.
Hang on.
It's King and Escobar.
They want a corkscrew.
Is that the old one?
- Yeah. - Just give it to them.
Keep it.
It's a spare.
I don't trust that Escobar.
I don't want him to have an excuse to come back.
Fuck. We've been done over.
If you find anything else missing, just call it through.
I shouldn't think so.
Whatever disturbed them did so at just the right time.
A bowl of coins.
I've seen people lose every stick of furniture in the house.
I doubt he'll find anything.
If anything turns up, we'll let you know, but don't expect anything.
OK, thank you. - Thanks.
They can't do anything.
They say 85% of burglaries are never solved.
- Do they? - Yeah.
- I thought it was 95%. - They left us this.
Apparently, we're victims of crime.
- We're to have no expectations. - You're lucky nothing really went.
They get much?
No, just some loose change, that's all.
That's 'cause I stopped them.
Yep, darkies in your house, mate!
Aborigines, taking your shit, goin' out the front door.
I said, 'Fuck 'em. I'll call the cops.'
OK, no need to thank me, but it's just the neighbourly thing to do, huh?
Thanks.
Hello. Have a good day.
Shrek's full of shit.
That front door was deadlocked. It hadn't been opened.
You mean, you think... he...?
No.
Even they wouldn't be that stupid.
I should've seen this as structurally the weak spot.
Pretty handy, aren't you?
Let's see them get through this. Bastards.
Idiots.
You locked up yet?
Just doing it now.
I don't like living like this.
- What? - What? Nothing.
I'm just talking to myself.
I like to sleep with the windows open.
- What? - Nothing. Just talking to myself.
Speak up. I can't hear you.
What?
Bastards.
Who? Who bastards?
Bastards.
They bastards.
In my country, we kill bastard like that.
I live around the corner. They're... they're bastards.
How can you live next door to the bastards?
- It's not easy. - Petrol bomb.
The cops no good here.
In my country, the cop no good - petrol bomb.
What is your country?
Sicily.
- Oh, in Italy? - Sicily!
OK, OK. Um... I better get going.
You have a nice day.
It's my gun.
I lend you my good gun for shoot the bastards.
Thanks. I'll think about that.
- I'll see you. - Bastards.
Shoot the bastards.
And our other neighbours were saying
that we ought to put a contract out on King.
Oh, this is all getting out of control.
Yeah, I prefer the petrol bomb idea myself.
No, no, no. I don't think that's what she meant.
Surely we should just talk to him first.
Everybody? Like some kind of UN delegation?
No, I sort of meant you.
He seems to regard you as some sort of friend.
Oh.
Hey, King. I thought we might sit out here and have a beer.
Oh, you that Mack from next door?
I'm that Max from next door.
Yeah, I know how you feel.
They give me the shits too.
But I'm doing my best to clean up the place.
You know, doin' the garden nice.
You know what I mean?
I asked them to leave. They just won't.
It's those young girls.
They come around every night, makin' a racket.
Won't leave when I ask them.
You gotta tell them, King.
You can't ask them.
Whose place is it, anyway? Yours or theirs?
It's my sister's place.
She lets me stay here.
She had this accident, see?
She lives in the hospital now.
In a coma.
But she lets me stay here.
I can't do anything 'cause it's not my place.
And she can't do anything either.
I just can't do anything.
Listen to me, King. This is serious.
I'm telling you this as a favour.
To let you know how upset, how upset all the neighbours are.
To make you realize that things can't go on like this.
I've had three different people talk of taking out a contract on you.
Really.
I've had one bloke offering to lend me his gun to kill you.
Although you know, I... I... I'd never do that.
I've had four people talk about petrol bombing this place
just to stop the noise.
They gonna petrol-bomb my place?!
I didn't say they'd do it. I just said...
Do they know who they're fuckin' dealing with?
I'll burn down... No, no. I'll get my mates around here.
They're bikies, you know. A bikie gang's my mates!
- Yeah! - Just calm down, King.
We'll burn every house around here. Yeah, that's what we'll do!
We'll burn every house till there's none left!
Calm down!
Jesus!
No... No-one is gonna be doing this, King.
I was just telling you how people felt.
Well, they'd better not fuckin' try, I'm telling you.
He's hopeless.
Hopeless.
- That's it.
I'm calling the police.
No, no, she's screaming. Can you hear this?
- Did you hear that?
No, it doesn't sound like simple domestic violence.
What's so simple about domestic violence, anyway?
Is there a court order? How in the hell should I know?
This is happening next door, right now!
This is happening right now!
- G'day. - Hey.
- You the one who called? - Yep.
Seems to be a young fella and his girl involved. They've scarpered.
Nothing we can currently do.
I feel sorry for you people living next door to this lot.
Isn't there anything that can be done?
Go see a lawyer. Sue them for disturbing your peace.
Go and see a politician. Get the law changed so we can do something.
Anyway, good luck.
Thank you.
The cops feel sorry for us.
Right, that's it.
- King! King!
King!
If this screaming does not stop in 30 seconds,
I'm calling the cops again!
Oh, mate, don't call the cops.
- She's fuckin' crazy, you know?
He's a friend of mine.
Listen to me, King. I'm patient and tolerant.
And you know I would not normally call the cops, no matter what you do.
But if I hear a woman, in distress, in your house,
I'm calling the cops!
Fuckin' mind your own fuckin' business!
Now, fuck off or I'll burn your fuckin' house down!
He's not your friend, King.
He's sucking you dry.
Now, I'm calling the cops again.
In 30 seconds.
Oh, no... Don't.
Civil rights.
Ah.
Here's another one that'll probably...
...turn out like King.
Or Shrek or Escobar or that punk from the other day.
It says here that you can launch a civil action.
Sue them for damages for reducing the quality of your life.
King up in court. Now, that'd be something.
Oh, they'd work out a payment plan for him, probably ten bucks a week.
And he'd break that, pleading poverty.
And they'd counsel him and that would go nowhere
and all the while we'd be the bad bastards making his life miserable
and be a fair target.
We have to do something.
Send her back when you've had enough.
No, she's OK. Hello!
Hello.
Rule number three?
Mm-hm.
So Rupert and puppy can't go through when no-one's watching
and go on the road.
- Very good! - ARRRGGGH!
Ha-ha-ha!
- ' Monkey!
Be careful.
Can I help you?
Yeah, um...
King wants to know if you got a lighter.
You know - cigarette lighter.
Please, it's 20 past 2 in the morning
and it's inappropriate to be knocking on people's doors.
But King wants to know.
You can tell King not to be such a coward.
Sending over people like you.
You can tell him to come over here himself and I'll light up his night.
Go on.
But he wants to know.
I told you to go.
Go on.
Fuck off.
Fuck you.
Hey, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at King.
Can you make out what they're saying?
No.
Are you sure you don't want me to come and pick you up?
No, it's OK. I'll get the bus.
What a useless prick!
He said that the legal process we would have to go through
would be long, stressful and expensive,
and, at the end of it, we would probably be no better off.
- What? No kiss? - Oh, Max! Max!
He said there's only one thing we can do.
- What's that? - Wear earplugs.
Useless bloody lawyers!
What I can't understand is how an intelligent person -
two intelligent people - cannot deal with this!
How those dumb jerks next door
just get away with whatever it is they want to do
and we just have to take it!
Fucking helpless!
Oh, Max!
It's evolution.
- Evolution? - Evolution.
We - well, you and I -
we've got no street cunning left.
In an evolutionary sense, we're too far ahead.
We can't compete with those animals in the urban jungle.
We're too civilized.
Do you really think that?
In a street fight, we're no match for them.
Civilized? Useless against the barbarians.
Intelligent? We've got nothing compared to the rat-like street cunning
that they've got.
Maybe earplugs are the only solution.
Yeah, well...
I bought some.
Come on. Let's go to bed.
They've driven us to drink, Maxy.
You'll feel better about it in the morning.
I think we've been burgled.
- Hello'? - What?
We've been robbed.
My wallet, both mobiles and the bowl of loose change that was there.
Oh, my bag. Oh, fuck!
My wallet, my cards, my iPod - everything!
Fuck! How did they get in?
The door. I must've forgotten to lock it. No!
Then they got the keys!
- That's the car. - The car!
Shit!
So here's some information for victims of crime.
No, thanks. You've already given us one of those.
I doubt he'll find anything there.
And I know 85% of these types of crimes are never solved.
It's more like 95%, actually.
Oh, that makes it better, then.
I guess you'll remember to lock your doors from now on.
See you later.
...bank credit card, your credit union debit card,
your Medicare card, your Medibank card
and your gym membership, although I can't see how they'd use that.
- God! This is horrible. - What else?
All the locks changed again.
All our phone numbers gone, all the cards
that have to be stopped and replaced.
What else?
Oh, my God, my driver's license, I forgot my driver's license. Damn!
- I'll put that on the list. - Bastards.
Max, is it just a coincidence they came around
the one night the door wasn't locked?
Or do they come around every few days and check?
Or do they come around every night and check?
Think about it.
I don't wanna think about it.
I don't wanna live my life like that.
We don't know who did this.
It's too much of a coincidence.
You're right. You're right.
It may not be you, King.
In fact, I know it's not you.
But they're your friends. You allow this to happen.
You cause it. I'm holding you responsible if it happens again.
I know, I know! I'm sorry. I know.
In fact, I'm holding you responsible for this one.
I've a good mind to call the police and tell them you caused it.
Oh, shit, mate! Don't do that! I never done it!
Well, no, I'm... just thinking about it.
I might know where your car is.
I'll go and see 'em. I'll bring it back.
King reckons he might be able to find the car.
He's part of it.
He just said he might know where it is.
He knows! He fucking knows!
Look, King's back with someone and a car.
Start that fuckin' car!
Oh, get the phone, get the phone!
They're transferring the stash. I'm calling the cops.
Go, Max! The phone!
The number plate. I can't get the number plate.
Go outside and get it as he drives out.
The phone, the phone!
We can't just wait for his sister to wake up and kick him out.
We have to get rid of him somehow.
Why would he move out?
And he can't sell the place, although I'm sure he would if he could.
The ice works in a funny way.
He's on the edge of paranoia all the time.
Maybe we could tip him over the edge.
Send him mad?
Just make him believe that someone
or a whole group of different people are out to get him.
Not us, but like, his own kind.
Dealers, customers who aren't satisfied. Even Escobar or Shrek.
Just make him afraid to be living in that house.
Mmm.
So we should start off with the warning on the front fence.
I think it's important for him to start to worry as to who it might be.
It's all in the wording.
We could scatter nails out the front of his house
so that all the customers get ﬂat tires.
Maybe better - how about this?
To superglue some sort of pins on the roadway.
That might work better, and then he would know it was deliberate.
Every time he replaces one, we should break it again.
King doesn't replace his broken windows, so how does that work?
- I've got it. - Yeah, what?
The wording. 'Rip-off drug dealer lives here.'
Close. Just a bit not angry enough.
How about...
'Rip-off drug-dealing scum'?
'Lives here'. You have to have the 'lives here'
otherwise it could be interpreted as a general sort of message.
'Rip-off drug-dealing scum lives here.'
Hey, Mack.
- Max. - Oh.
Do you reckon, uh, I could have some of those bottles
worth a bit of money?
I gotta make some phone calls
and maybe get me something to eat, a burger like.
You know? Me pension doesn't come through till Thursday.
Well, I...
It doesn't matter if you can't. I understand.
No, no, that's not what I meant.
It's just that somebody comes to collect these bottles.
But just...
Take this.
Now you can get yourself a burger and make some phone calls.
Pay me back whenever you can.
Sure. Thanks, Mack.
Me pension comes on Thursday.
Pathetic.
I don't think we ought to do it.
Why not?
'Cause we're not like this.
It's been fun thinking about it and useful to get the anger out,
but this isn't us.
What happened to patience and tolerance?
They wore a bit thin after a while.
Let's go back to thinking about the brighter side of things.
Because it's true - they are more interesting than dull neighbours.
And... there's something so pathetic about King.
OK.
Get it out there! - Fuckin' come on.
- Fuck off! - Fuckin' hurry up.
Here goes. One, two, three.
- Hey! - Hello.
Hello!
Hi.
Garlic fingers.
Saw that!
Guess what.
What?
The police called. I went to the station.
They found the car.
Burnt out? It's been trashed?
Apparently not bad. They're holding it until it's fingerprinted.
But they know who did it.
Found it in his backyard when they went to question him for something else.
I saw his photo. I've seen him next door.
So they've got him?
He's got a record as long as your arm and he's out on parole,
but because he would go straight back to jail,
he's got his girlfriend to say that she did it
and she'll get off with a bond.
And the police reckon that she's going to say that she found it abandoned
in the street with the keys still inside it.
So she avoids the charge for the theft as well!
Oh, no.
For society to function properly,
it relies on people following a set of basic and minimum rules.
If they refuse to, then they have no place in it
and they should be driven out.
That's the way it's always worked.
And as society becomes more and more complex,
it becomes more and more important that this be the case.
Though it's harder and harder to police.
There's no way that the cops have the resources to deal with all this.
They can barely keep the traffic moving.
Therefore, we are justified in taking action.
Local action, for the greater good of our society.
The petrol bomb principle?
No, no, no petrol bombs.
I'm just joking.
But that sort of settles it, doesn't it?
I guess it does.
So I slip back inside, and if anyone comes to the door, you answer it
and tell them you heard someone running down the side
towards the back fence.
By that time, I'll have changed out of my disguise
and I'll come wandering up sleepily in my tracksuit
and I'll take them back there.
This is where we will...
...discover the broken trellis, which is where
they must've gotten over the back fence.
Good.
Probably won't happen, but you never know.
What about paint? We need paint.
We have that tin of purple we didn't use.
They'll never trace it.
Maybe I should just do it.
No. I don't want you getting tangled up with them.
Who knows what they'll do?
You're the brains of this operation. Your mind's more perverse.
I'll do the physical stuff.
Yeah. What the fuck do you want?
You son of a bitch!
Hopeless.
'Drug-dealing scum live here.'
'Rip-off drug-dealing scum live here.'
Remember, we want King to think it's a dissatisfied customer.
Yes, of course.
What do you do with the paint when you're done?
I throw the paint into King's yard.
Hey.
Lid... off.
Shit!
Come on! Come on!
Shit!
Bugged
- What happened? - The paint's not working.
You forgot to stir it!
Me? We both forgot to stir it!
This paint is old. How was I supposed to know?
Oh, my poor boy! Mwah!
- Argh! - You should have seen your face.
'The paint's not working!'
- Don't!
Oh. It's all very, very stupid
and we should give it up now.
- It is stupid.
And we should. We should.
Shush!
'The paint's not working!'
- 'The paint's not working!' - Shush!
King!
King! Hey!
I'm gonna get some ciggies. You want some?
Ciggies? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Hello! Hello?
Yeah, fuck off!
She's pissed herself! What a fuckin' baby!
- Mirabelle!
Get a fuckin' potty!
You fuckin' little sock!
Fuck off!
- You fuckin' crybaby! - Fuck off!
You OK? It's OK. It's OK.
We didn't fuckin' touch her.
- Fuck off!
I've got the best idea.
Go on. I'm keen to hear it.
We get into King's house when he's not there...
...and plant some of our own stuff in there.
Hide it, so that King can't easily find it, but the cops will.
Maybe the icons and some other stuff.
And then fake a robbery here.
Get King in here first to get his fingerprints on some stuff
so that they can pin it on him,
and then plant the stuff and then call the cops.
Maybe a few broad hints that we reckon it's King.
Might need some refining, but you're right.
It's the best idea.
How's Mirabelle?
She won't come out of her room,
except to go to the bathroom, and even then Maria has to go with her.
Maria has had to take time off work.
- Bastards. - So sorry, Otto.
No, no, it's my fault. I forgot to padlock our side.
We'll leave one of these on the ﬂoor when we fake the robbery.
Oh, my icons.
It's OK. We'll get them back afterwards.
King!
You there, King?
Sorry I haven't got that ten bucks for you.
No, no, it's nothing like that.
I wanted to ask you a favour and I...
There might be something in it for you.
Yeah?
Yeah. Can you come over in a few minutes?
I wanna show you something. I wanna ask you about it.
Yeah, I just gotta wash my face.
There's two good prints.
Yeah.
Hey, King.
You want a beer?
Beer. Yeah. Yeah.
Therese, get a beer for King, and one for me too.
So we got these, see?
And we wanna sell all of these, but we got no idea how to go about it
because they're black.
Hmm.
Don't look black.
Well, they are. They're really black.
Black? Black.
You know - you don't ask where they come from.
Oh, you mean 'hot'.
Hot, black, what's the difference?
Yeah. What's the difference.
Look at the workmanship on that, hmm?
Some of these date back to the 16th century.
Oh, yeah.
They're good.
I'm sorry. I didn't think he was gonna take one away,
- I had no choice. - We do it tonight.
- If he goes out. - Yeah, of course if he goes out.
You're mad about the icon.
Sometimes I just wanna kill him.
Mm-mm. Fingerprints.
- What's this? - Don't ask.
Therese...
There's enough there to put him in jail for a spell.
- Where did you get this? - Don't ask. I'm on watch.
He's gone. I'm gonna take watch outside.
Stay in the shadows, whatever you do.
- Is my number dialled in? - Yep.
Yours on vibrate?
Yep.
- All set? - Yep.
- I'm going in. - Good luck.
What?
What? You scared the hell out of me.
Shit!
Fuck!
Argh!
Shit!
What are you doing here?
I called because a car cruised by looking for a deal
and you didn't answer.
Shit! I've lost it.
It was outside the window.
Thank you.
Oh, my God!
This is disgusting!
You should go back on watch.
Are you all right?
Yeah. Switch on the torch.
I've lost it.
Oh. Is he okay?
Yeah, yeah. He's out of it.
Out of it okay, or out of it not okay?
He should be okay.
But he's not moving.
That's because he's out of it.
Yeah, he's always out of it, but he's usually moving.
Is he breathing?
Shh!
I can't hear him breathe.
I can't either. That's because he's unconscious.
Oh, so he's unconscious now, not just out of it.
- Let's get out of here. - I think we should check his pulse.
A few hours ago, you wanted to kill him, now you want me to check his pulse!
I am not doing anything until I know that he's OK.
Then we can anonymously call an ambulance.
You can put on one of your voices. You can pretend you're his friend.
'Hey, motherfucker, dude. My buddy needs a ride.'
Shush!
'In your white machine, 'cause he nearly died!'
Very funny.
I can't find a pulse.
Here, let me try. I've got a Senior First Aid certificate.
- Try the other arm. - What difference would that make?
Maybe he's been injecting or something and collapsed the veins.
Max, I thought you were a science teacher.
I'm looking for an artery, not a vein.
Yes, of course.
I can't find anything.
- Switch on the light. - What?!
Sorry. Please. Would you switch on the light, please Max!
All right. No need to get narky.
Do you reckon it's safe to?
If he's dead, it's not gonna get any worse.
Oh, my God, he's dead! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Close his eyes, close his eyes. I can't stand them staring.
- I don't think I should touch him. - Please, Max, please!
Please. If I accidentally even glance at him again,
I'm gonna start screaming.
You can look now.
What are we gonna do?
I don't know.
We have to call the police.
And tell them what?
That we broke in and when he came home to his own house, I bumped him off?
You didn't need to kill him. He was just holding onto my arm.
It was dark. You were screaming, remember?
- It was an accident. - So that'll be your defense?
- What? - That it was an accident.
- My defense? - That's what's gonna happen!
I say we don't call the cops.
I agree.
Or maybe we do, and we tell them
that we heard noises and shouting from next door
and then we saw two guys walking out
and one of them saying to the other, 'You didn't need to kill him.'
But then the police will come here
and declare the whole place a major crime scene.
Forensics will find your prints everywhere.
And my... my blood!
Your blood? Show me.
I cut it climbing in on the window. Who knows where I've spread it.
- No cops. - No cops.
We can't just leave him here.
Why not?
Can we?
We lock up and we leave.
It'll be weeks before Shrek and Escobar figure something's wrong and break in.
What do you reckon they'll do when they find the body?
They'll freak and be out of here so fast they'll be falling all over each other.
Right. Exactly right.
And then they'll call the cops.
What if we injected him with a lethal overdose
of some of that stuff you got?
Maybe that'd do it.
The cops won't care.
It's one more problem off their books.
Maybe that'd put them off the scent.
What scent?
The scent that leads to us.
You'd be killing him twice.
A double murderer.
- It was an accident. - I'm joking.
Maybe we should just hide him.
If he's gone, no-one's gonna even miss him. How tragic.
They'd just think he's on the run from someone.
Where hide him?
I don't know where.
We could collect his mail and pay his bills.
In cash, at different post offices.
Wherever.
No-one would suspect anything.
You're on to something.
We can hide him up there. In the roof cavity up in there.
- Won't that stink? - I don't think so.
It's so hot and dry, he'll probably mummify.
That's if the rats don't completely consume him.
Then we clean up the fingerprints and the blood.
No, no, no, no,
we take his blood and put it over wherever my blood is
and we rub dirt wherever your fingerprints may be.
Are you sure?
It's brilliant, Therese.
If we get found out about the bills, we'll say he gave us a wad of cash
and told us to take care of it for a few months.
And how did he get up there?
Well, who knows?
They won't find him until they sell the place and that could be years away.
Not until his sister dies.
What do you think?
This could be the way.
Back door.
Anything up there?
Bags of junk, rat droppings.
It's perfect.
Pass me up the block and tackle thing and the cord.
What?
The wheel thingy.
You mean the pulley?
The pulley wheel thingy.
- Got it? - Got it. Thanks.
OK, let's lift him up.
OK, put his... put his arm over your shoulder.
OK? OK, you ready? We're gonna lift him up.
One, two...
Christ, he's heavy!
- Awkward!
He's really awkward and heavy.
Maybe we should just wait for rigor mortis to set in.
That'll be hours.
OK, one more and we'll... and we'll get him this time. Yep.
- Yes. - OK.
So, once again.
So... lift him up.
OK. OK, and put... put...
Put your head under his arm.
' - Yep? OK.
OK, OK.
One, two...
Oh, my God! He stinks.
I can't... I can't... I can't... I can't...
I can't put my face near his armpit.
- Oh! - Oh. Oh...
- It's OK. - Mm-hm.
- OK? - It's OK.
We're gonna drag him.
Yeah?
We'll drag him.
OK. Get his arm.
- Yep. - And put... one hand under here.
No, not the armpit.
You've got gloves on.
I don't care. These are my washing-up gloves.
Let's drag him by the feet.
Yeah, yeah. OK, yeah.
OK. Through this door here.
Now, take the strain.
What?
Take the strain.
Um... pull the rope, not too hard, and take up the slack.
OK, that's good.
OK.
Now, reach up as high as you can with your hands.
And we'll... we'll pull down using our... using our body weight.
- Yep? - Yep, yep-
- Here we go.
OK, good. Going well.
Come around, come around, come around.
- OK. - Yep.
Oh, Christ, he's heavy!
Must've jammed. Jumped the wheel.
I'll have to go up.
Let's go! Let's go!
King!
What the fuck is going on here?
Who the fuck are you?
You're that fuckin' next-door neighbour. What are you doing here?
I think the King is dead.
Huh?
Yeah, yep. Um... I... I was helping the King do a deal.
We were gonna do a deal together.
You? You and the King?
Yeah, just some dope, and he sort of attack and started bleeding.
And I was trying to save him.
You know how if you string them up like that,
their heart can fuckin' start beating again?
I've never heard of that.
You?
No.
Don't you fuckin' lie to me, you pink-gloved cunt! You hear me?
- It's true. I have Senior First Aid... - Who the fuck asked you?!
Yeah! Who the fuck did ask you?!
I love ya! Mwah!
I fuckin' love this cunt!
I wanna...
There's fuckin' rats up there.
What?
Fuckin' rats up there.
- No, no, there's no... - There are fuckin' rats up there!
You were gonna put King up there for the rats to eat, you low-life cunt!
- Come here, come here! - Hey!
I'm gonna put a fuckin' broomstick up your arse
until you're bits of shish kebab!
- No! - Get a fuckin' broom. Get a broom.
We're gonna have some fuckin' fun with this cunt.
Huh? Until we fuckin' string you up and put you up the roof
for the fuckin' rats to eat ya!
Stay still! Stay still!
Or I'll do your fuckin' missus as well, huh?
I'll stick a broom into her! Chicken! Ch-chicken and lamb shish kebabs!
Lamb shish kebab. Huh?
What the fuck happened to you?
Did you collide into a door, you clumsy cunt?
He'll be all right.
Only a love tap.
Take a seat, princess.
Where's fucking King? I'm gonna kill the cunt!
What the fuck is going on here?
We come to kill you, King.
He's already dead.
What the fuck?
Fuckin' owed me plenty. Wouldn't pay.
I made an example of him. I fuckin' killed him.
You said he had a fuckin' heart attack.
Shut up, cunt!
This cunt is talkin' to that cunt,
- not you, you cunt! - Sorry. I'm sorry.
I thought I told you to fuckin' shut up!
Shut up means fucking shut up, you cunt!
Shut up, cunt!
It doesn't mean saying fucking sorry!
Saying fucking sorry is fucking talking
when I said fucking shut up, cunt!
Moaning is like talking.
Good boy.
Well, I told you...
He owed me!
I warned him.
He wouldn't pay up, the cunt, so I done him in.
Reckon I done youse a favour.
That cunt you just did in owes me 30,000 fuckin' dollars.
Don't mind the snot. It was meant for King.
Didn't know some other cunt'd be wearing it, or I'd a washed it.
And if you're extremely lucky, we'll find the fucking cash in the house.
King... Someone wouldn't...
No, no... King doesn't have any money.
He was gonna lend it.
He was wanted to lend it, but they wouldn't...
This your turf?
Is this your fucking turf?!
See that bloke?
He doesn't know a thing.
His mother dropped him on his head when he was a baby.
He's an innocent.
You, on the other hand, are not a fucking innocent.
You're fucking scum!
Muscling in on my fucking territory!
Killing one of my fuckin' dealers
who owes me a fuckin' shitload of money
that he will now never fuckin' pay!
You're fucking dead.
He's bullshitting you.
We're King's neighbours from next door.
I'm Therese. Hello.
And this is Max.
He's a harmless science teacher, not some fucking tough drug dealer.
You can see what a fucking nerd he is.
How come King's dead then?
It was an accident. King was drug-fucked and he went for me,
and then Max shoved him and he hit his head badly.
He fell and then bang, dead.
Mmm.
Talk some science to me.
What?
Talk some science. I wanna check if you're really a science teacher.
Um... H2O.
That's water.
Everybody fuckin' knows that.
Talk some real science.
I'm fuckin' trying.
You're a fuckin' useless science teacher then.
Like mine was. Hated the cunt.
OK, OK. Um... What do you want?
Chemistry, physics or biology?
Don't be a smart cunt or I'll do you in.
Put the kids out of their fuckin' misery,
having you as their science teacher.
OK, OK. Fuckin' fuck...
- Come on! - Jeez, I'd have hated you.
OK, OK.
The stress-strain ratio is a constant, K,
known as the elastic modulus.
In a linear extension, K equals force over area
divided by extension over load.
What did he say? Sounds like bullshit. Is it science?
Hooke's law.
You can work out how much force you need
to deform a material by a certain amount.
Sounds more like doing normal business.
Is it science?
Sorry, bro. It's physics.
Fuck!
That's it, then. I'm fucked!
Fuck!
We free to go now?
I got some maths for you.
- King owes me 30,000 fuckin' dollars. - Mmm.
You killed King. Therefore, you owe me...
...40,000 fuckin' dollars.
How do you like that?
Must've had a lousy maths teacher too.
What'd you do that for?
My law - force over shins equals pain!
Warned you not to be a smart cunt.
The extra $10,000 is interest.
25% for the trouble you caused.
25% would be $37,500.
Max!
How do you live with this cunt?
He's not normally like this.
Old warrior instincts are being awakened.
It's all that male bonding.
- Don't reckon you'd be too easy either. - Hmm.
Now, everybody shut up! I gotta think.
Shut up, everybody!
You. Yes, you.
Get up and get out of here, and take your disabled mate with you.
I can't fuckin' move. I can't fuckin' walk.
Don't make me fuckin' do it.
And leave the fuckin' science teacher and his missus alone.
Arrggh!
They're valuable fuckin' people to me.
You. Maximus.
I'll be round tomorrow evening to collect the deposit.
It's 10%.
The rest of what you owe me in two weeks' time. That's 90%.
Work it out, genius.
You've got a fair fuckin' idea what'll happen if you don't have it.
And don't bother going to the cops.
You won't live to regret it if you do.
J' Finger on the fuckin' trigger I'm a finger-fuckin' frigger... J'
Fuckin' idiots.
See what we have to put up with?
Wear earplugs or fuckin' move.
I'll let you sort out this little mess yourselves.
I'll leave you with a small reminder.
Go easy on him. No breaks, not too much blood.
He's a fuckin' wuss.
See you tomorrow.
And you can take those fuckin' stupid pink gloves off now!
'If it were 25%, it'd be $37,500!'
But it would.
Oh, my brave baby!
Fuck! Something's wrong here.
Fuck!
Oh, fuck!
- King! ' King, King
King, it's OK.
It's like I'm fuckin' dreamin', man!
Nothin' makes sense!
You're fine, King.
You're gonna be just fine.
The money! I gotta get to the money.
Get the ladder, Therese. The King wants his money.
I gotta keep it hidden from my mates.
They keep on breaking windows and stuff, trying to get it.
It's not normal, is it?
You know, you can't trust your mates.
They keep on stealing from me and beating me up.
Is... is that normal?
No, it's not, King. It's not.
The only one I trust is you.
Me neighbours. You've always been good to me.
They've got problems, see?
He's a schizophrenic and the other one's been dropped on his head.
They don't know I've got it.
'Cause it's not really mine.
And you can't let 'em have it.
They're comin' around for it tonight and I've gotta have it!
I've gotta have it.
- It's OK, King. - I'm sorry!
- It's all right. - I'm sorry.
It's OK. It's all right.
- It's all there. - Thanks.
I'm sorry!
What should we do with this?
Give it to King?
Very funny.
I'll return it.
You continue to amaze me.
Good.
I wouldn't want you to become bored by me.
Ow.
- Ow.
King! King!
Any spaghetti left? - No!
What did you think of last night?
Not much.
Shall we?
I guess we should.
We're very sorry to see you go.
We're very sorry to be leaving.
I think next place, we might call in
on both sets of neighbours before we buy.
Oh, I don't know. Exciting lives we folks lead.
Otto, better get that garlic frying. Open inspection.
I'm cooking, I'm cooking. Adding a bit of rosemary and chilli.
- Good luck, Denise. - Fingers crossed.
Yep.
Hey, Mack! Hey, Trish!
I'm sellin' up too!
Me sister died in hospital last week.
Oh, that ten bucks I owe you?
I'll give it back to you when the money from the house comes through.
OK.
Is it too late to void the contract and stay?
Yep.
Damn.
Well, serves us right, I guess.
Feel like doing some renovating?
Captions by Captioning & Subtitling International
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