Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
It's where we want to be.
It's where you want to be, it's where I want to be...
Honey, that's all I've been saying. I've been saying that.
I mean, this is New York City.
It's the greatest city on Earth,
and we get to own a part of it.
Or we keep renting.
George, please. It's time for us to own something.
We're not kids anymore.
It's true. Pros and cons,
one more time. Okay.
Go ahead. Talk it over again. Okay, good.
Pros. Great neighborhood.
It's a great neighborhood.
A block from Joe's Coffee. I Iove that coffee.
It's his favorite coffee. Best coffee in the city.
Shade-grown, fair trade.
So, that's a pro. Coffee.
Con, money.
You said that we could do this.
I'll feel better once I get my bonus.
HBO may make an offer on my documentary.
Well...
Are we done with the pros and cons?
Another con would be space.
You know, it's a studio apartment.
No, it's a microloft. It's a microloft.
It's written in here that it's a microloft. We're adults here.
Let's call it what it is. It's a studio apartment.
It says it somewhere.
I've never even heard of a microloft.
Does your husband do this?
My husband is blind.
I'm sorry.
No, there's no need to be sorry.
Pierre has been blind since birth.
Good. I mean, not "good," but, you know...
Don't worry, it's the only reality he knows.
But, believe me, he can still smell the Chanel on my neck.
He can still taste the pain au chocolat
I bake for him from time to time.
He can still hear every stroke as
I brush my hair before we Iie down at night.
And as for touch?
I can get him there with one flick of the finger.
Okay, I know you're nervous, but believe me
this neighborhood is a terrific investment, even in a recession.
It's the West Village. It's the best. Yeah.
Really the best.
This is where you want to be?
This is where we need to be.
Let's do it!
I'm so sorry. I bet this happens all the time.
No.
Here we go. Wait.
Wow! Look at all this space!
Just right up against this...
I got a really big day tomorrow, and you've got HBO.
I wouldn't mind taking a sleeping pill.
Oh, no! I can't take Rick right now. I cannot take your brother.
I'll just... No Rick.
Come on, two minutes. Let's just get it over with.
It's never two minutes.
Hey, Rick. Ricky Iicky, suck my dicky.
Don't hate me 'cause it's extra thicky.
AII right, enough gabbing. Give me the grand tour.
AII right.
That's the kitchen. Small.
That's the bathroom. Small.
That's the bedroom. Small.
That's the tour.
Holy shit! Our TV room is twice the size of your whole place.
Yeah, but you Iive in Atlanta.
Hi, George. Hey, Linda.
It is alive.
Hi, Marisa. Hi, Marisa.
Hi! You Iook great!
Thanks. I read this article that said if you smile all the time,
you can trick your brain into thinking that you're happy.
Really? Wow.
AII right, enough girl gab. I want to show you the new baby.
New baby?
We adopted a black baby. There she is.
AII the bells and whistles, 48 Iarge. And check this out.
If some Jackamo tries to steal my car,
I got a remote tracker on there.
Tells me where he is, down to 10 yards.
I go down there, fucking police escort, nab the motherfucker.
It's Iike, "See you in three to five, ass wipe. You
fucking towel head."
So, you think a Sheik is going to steal your car?
Hey, don't Iaugh, this is Atlanta. We got CNN down here.
I think our connection is bad. You're breaking up.
I can see you closing the computer, dipshit.
I got to say, that Marisa, one Iucky Iady
because she gets to be married to him. Yeah.
Know what I want to do? I'm going to take off that robe and...
It's okay.
Sorry. You're so tired. I know.
What say we break this place in the old-fashioned way?
Don't fall asleep. Okay.
We can do this. I'm not going to fall asleep.
Are you ready for your meeting?
Yep. Don't forget to smile.
AII right? Your movie is a Iittle bit heavy, so keep the room Iight.
Do you not think I'm a good filmmaker?
That's not what I said. I think you're great.
I think you're a great children's book illustrator,
a terrific jewelry designer.
I Ioved the homemade ice cream business.
I am familiar with my eclectic resume, thank you very much.
But, honey, with this film, you know it, I found my niche.
I can fly. I believe I can fly.
Come on, say it.
Fine, I believe you can fly.
Get off your fucking phone!
Knock them dead. I'll call you Iater. Good Iuck.
The world is becoming a terrible place.
Antarctica is home to some of the world's most beautiful wildlife,
most of whom are dead or dying.
This cute Iittle guy has testicular cancer.
This Iittle girl's home melted and her parents sank.
In our hunger for resources, we are raping these animals.
We are raping them... Stop.
...and then we are murdering them.
Stop. Stop.
It's actually not finished.
I'm getting a very interesting sense of what you're going for here.
Thank you! There's no way in hell. We're going to have to pass.
Mmm-hmm.
"Pass"? Yes, "pass."
But it's An Inconvenient Truth meets March of the Penguins!
Meets "I want to slit my wrists,
"because this is the most depressing thing I've ever seen."
I don't understand.
I think what Marcy is saying, Linda,
and please correct me if I'm wrong, Marcy,
I don't want to be off base here.
But what she's saying is that she wants to slit her wrists
because this piece is depressing.
I got that. Yes.
I see that you're pregnant.
Thank you for noticing. What tipped you off, my giant belly?
Or can you see my hemorrhoids
and my second thoughts from where you're standing?
Don't you want your child to grow up
in a world where there are penguins?
To be perfectly frank, fuck the penguins.
I don't think that what Marcy is saying is to fuck the penguins.
No, it is what I'm saying. Fuck the penguins.
And I Iove penguins. Uh-huh.
But I have to agree with Marcy. Fuck them.
Java chip sounds Iike it's going to be a winner.
How's the new place, man?
Oh, terrific. Super small and really expensive.
Oh, my God, that does sound good.
Super small and really expensive? Yeah.
Sometimes you can only get one of those, but you got both of those.
Yeah, it's a deal. That's great.
How did that happen?
I know.
Reason number 25 I'm not married.
Like I need someone telling me to buy shit I can't afford.
It's all about the Benjamins, my friend. The Benjamins.
Yeah.
I'll be one of those guys who's just
old and ugly, rich, has a hot wife.
Like...
Gollum. Not Gollum.
Georgie!
Come see me for a Iittle chat when you get upstairs.
AII right! You got the point and the wink.
Boss man Iikes you.
It just doesn't fit the HBO brand.
We do violence and heartache, but it's sexy.
Mmm-hmm. Do you understand?
Of course. What was I thinking?
You know what we could do?
We could throw some vampires in there to have sex with the penguins.
And then you could have brooding, sexy Iittle vampire penguins.
Would that work for your brand?
What if the polar bears were hookers, and on meth?
And then they show their tits for no reason. How would that work?
I think you're joking,
but if you could do that, that would be very interesting for us.
Yeah, very interesting.
And if I do get the promotion, then what?
I have to work more hours at the job I hate.
Wow, you're really bumming me out, man. I hate this job, too.
Wait, what's going on?
Feds got in at 5:00 this morning. Seized everything.
Georgie! Man with the plan.
I am going to take a Iittle rain check on our chit-chat.
Company shutdown effective immediately.
Did I just get wink-point shitcanned?
What are you doing here? How did HBO go?
Well, they're passing on this one,
but they are definitely interested in not seeing my other projects,
so it turns out I can't fly.
Why are you not at work, George?
Oh! I got fired.
You want to sell?
Well, my work situation has changed a Iittle.
Look, I'm going to be completely honest with you guys.
The market has dropped.
We just bought it.
You said it was a good investment.
I think you said that.
You said that!
In any case, it doesn't matter who said it.
Nobody's buying studio apartments right now.
It's a microloft.
Okay, Iet's just grow up and call things what they are.
It's a studio apartment.
I knew it!
Even if you could sell it, it would be at a Ioss.
You're not seeing that money again.
As soon as we can get back on our feet,
we'll talk about coming back to New York.
Right now my brother has offered me a job
and Atlanta's the best place for us to be.
They call it "Hot-Ianta!" Isn't that funny?
You're so obsessed with your Joe's Coffee. It had to be Joe's Coffee.
It's great fucking coffee!
We are fucked, we are fucked!
We're fucked! George, stop!
That's how much you made Iast year, $800.
You know what? I think you Iike that I don't work.
How could you Iet this happen to us?
Eight hundred dollars!
I didn't mean it. I was upset.
Yes, I meant it! I told you, you did!
Oh!
You were the one that said, "Let's Iook
"in the West Village to buy an apartment."
I'm turning on the music! Don't turn on that music.
Cock.
I can't be in this car anymore! Jesus Christ!
I just can't. We've got to stop somewhere.
Fine. Okay.
I'm just really tired, okay?
I said "fine," all right?
Just quit selling me after I said yes.
Elysium Bed and Breakfast, 10 miles. Fine.
Oh, my God, it's just a shack and it's closed. I'm going
to scream, George.
It's a fruit stand.
Hold on, what's down that road?
"Elysium. Dreams dispensed daily. Bring your own container."
I just hope they have a bed.
If they didn't, it would probably be called "Elysium just Breakfast."
Does everything have to be a joke, George?
Are you Iooking for the B and B?
It's another half mile. You can't miss it.
Thank you. Thank you.
Leave? Yeah.
Back up, back up, back up.
No, no, no.
He's following us! What does he want?
Honey, he's coming after us! Oh, my God!
What does he want? I don't know!
He wants to chop us up into 100 pieces
to make a suit out of our skins!
I don't know. Just back up faster!
The Bed and Breakfast is the other way! The other way!
He's getting really close! Hurry! What are you doing?
Oh, my God!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Are you guys okay?
Oh, boy.
There is nothing we can do about it until morning.
But we'll take care of you.
My name is Wayne, by the way. I'm a nudist.
Yes, we noticed your penis earlier.
Touché!
I'm sorry?
Don't be sorry. It means "good evening" in Swedish.
I studied economics in Stockholm.
But don't worry, I'm not going to be
throwing Swedish at you all night.
"God afton" is pretty much all I can remember.
But there I go, running off at the mouth again.
Some people call it "verbal diarrhea." I just call it "word shit."
I'm a butterfly!
I've got wings!
Grisham is a butterfly.
I'm really a boy.
Okay, that will be our secret. AII right!
He thinks I didn't hear what you just said, but I did.
These folks pulled the old flip-de-doo at the ravine.
Probably trying to back out because they
thought I was some kind of naked weirdo.
No. Yeah.
Do you have a room?
Do you remember downstairs a minute ago
when you asked if I had a room?
Does this answer your question?
Yeah, I guess it does.
Completely.
I'm Kathy, by the way.
I'm Linda. That's George.
Hello.
"George," huh?
If you're George, then where's John, Paul and Ringo?
Ah.
Where are they? Did you bring them?
No, I didn't bring them.
Not even Ringo?
Nope.
You know I'm kidding, right? I do, yeah.
We're really tired, Kathy.
Okey-dokey.
Thank you, though. God afton.
What is that?
I thought it was you.
Me, doing what?
Please, baby. I'm so tired.
Oh, God.
I beg of you.
Please make it go away.
You're my hero.
George?
George!
That's it, George!
Linda! Yes.
Kathy told me that you had beautiful skin.
But she's a Iiar, because it is Iuminous.
Thank you. Who are you?
My name is Karen.
I'm sorry if my hands smell Iike tahini. I was just making some hummus.
Take it home!
This is much Iess aggressive than clapping.
Try it, try it. Seriously, it's better.
Babe, can I talk to you just for a second, outside?
Did you smoke pot?
No.
Why did you just Iie to me? I'm not going to tell on you.
I had one hit. One?
I think it might be the best pot I've ever had in my Iife.
You have to try this.
Hey, Rodney. What's up? What's up? What's up?
This is Linda.
Hey. Here you go, beautiful.
Linda with the Iuminous skin,
it's so nice to meet you. Thank you.
Did you know that all these people, they Iive here?
This is a commune. Isn't that crazy?
That's crazy.
I'm Rodney, I'm her husband.
He's an African-American.
Wow, you guys are really in Iove.
We are. We are just as much in Iove as if we were the same color.
We actually had our wedding ceremony right here
and Seth was our spiritual officiant.
Who's Seth?
You haven't met Seth?
In a word, he's
a teacher, a guide, a coach, a guru, a shaman.
He's everything.
Everything.
So, Seth is your Ieader?
No, no, no.
We have no Ieaders here.
Mother Earth is the only Ieader we need.
You two must be the proud owners of
that upside-down people-mover out in the driveway.
I'm Seth.
I'm George. This is Linda.
Hi. Hi.
Looks Iike you made it out unscathed.
Not totally unscathed. Ow!
Feel it?
How do you feel?
I'm better, I think.
That's good.
We'll deal with those withholding father issues another time.
And you must be...
I'm Linda.
Linda.
Hi. Oh.
You smell Iike walnuts and suede.
Walnuts and suede.
Welcome to Elysium. Come on, I'll show you around.
That's a God's eye. I made it myself, Iast Kwanzaa.
I Iove what you've got going here.
Honest, I feel Iike I can breathe
for the first time in I don't know how Iong.
It's incredible!
How Iong has the house been here?
I bought this house in 1971 with nine of my friends.
Jerry Beaver, Stephanie Davis, Ronny Shames, Danielle Meltser,
Janie Brody, Billy Marcus, Glen Stover, Tony Piloski,
and Janice Woo.
Meet Carvin. He's kind of the Iion around these parts.
So, have you Iived here this entire time?
Yeah, ever since I bought the place in 1971.
Right. With nine of my friends.
Jerry Beaver, Stephanie Davis, Ronny Shames, Danielle Meltser...
Those are the names you just said.
Yeah. Billy Marcus, Glen Stover, Tony Piloski...
Those are all people you've already named.
So, you don't have to say them again.
Any of those people still Iive here?
No, no. They're mostly dead.
Pretty much dead.
I'm going to go to bed.
Good night.
Dead but not forgotten.
I mean, who knows how many days
any of us have Ieft on this Earth?
Right.
That's why I choose to fill my Iife with nature and Iaughter
and friendship,
Iove.
This is some commune.
"Commune"?
Boo, hiss. We prefer the term "intentional community."
When you hear the word "commune,"
you think of a bunch of hippies
sitting around, smoking pot and playing guitar.
Hey!
I'm Eva! Hi!
I hear you guys are from New York.
Fellow New Yorker. 88th and Broadway.
Oh!
Yeah.
What do you know?
We're from the West Village. Yeah.
Waverly and Christopher. The best neighborhood!
I know!
I know New York is a great city
but I do not miss that Iifestyle at all.
It was just stress and BlackBerrys and sleeping pills.
I used to drink a triple Iatte every morning just to wake up.
I see your point,
but I kind of value the sleeping pill
and the BlackBerry and the Iatte.
You know, you can really get trapped in that web of
beepers and Zenith televisions and Walkmans and Discmans,
floppy disks and zip drives.
Laserdiscs, answering machines and Nintendo Power Glove.
Wow, you know so much about technology.
AII right, the pond behind the house
is just begging to be dipped in.
Skinny style.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
Yeah, Iet's...
You're unbelievable.
Skinny style!
George! George! Jump in, George!
Atta boy, baby!
I cannot believe...
I'm naked! I'm naked!
I'm sorry. My bad.
A Iot of magical things have happened
since you walked through those doors.
Amen. My menstrual cycle started back up again.
Stop. What?
And I don't even have a uterus.
I mean, I have it. It's in a jar.
It's actually in the room that you're staying in.
This is great, actually, because
we actually totally forgot to pack our uterus.
Hey, all right! I Iike your shirt.
Here.
No, man, I can't do that.
We share everything here.
Wow.
Who are these people?
I have no idea.
I'm just going with it.
God afton.
One! Two! Three!
Give it a nice push!
Oh, you guys.
Incredible night. Truly.
Do you take credit cards?
No, no, we all decided that you paid us Iast night
with your friendship and honesty and your stories.
I mean... That's so kind.
Do we get change back for that?
If we didn't need the money so badly, we would insist.
Just remember, money buys nothing.
Nothing important, right?
No, no. Money Iiterally buys nothing.
I think you mean metaphorically.
No, Iiterally. Nothing.
Literally, money buys most things.
No, nothing. Are you saying that...
I'm saying that Iiterally, it...
No, but I'm saying, Iiterally, money buys nothing.
It buys nothing. You're right.
Money pays for nothing.
That's right.
But not Iiterally. Honey.
And I don't want to hear that this one slipped back into the world of
two-way pagers and VCRs and The Arsenio Hall Show.
You can't express your feelings
by sending a Ietter through a fax machine.
Oh, God.
I'm having a feeling.
Hey, man.
And the feeling is that you guys should stay.
We can't.
Wow. That is so sweet.
You never hear that at Embassy Suites, do you?
No, you don't.
Anyway, you don't have to answer now.
Just suck on it for a while.
Yeah.
We'll mull it over.
Suck on it.
Wait!
I made this for you guys.
So you'll always remember Elysium.
Wow! What is it?
It's some sticks glued to orange peels.
Bye!
L, George!
You the man! You the man!
Bye! We Iove you!
We Iove you!
Bye, guys!
Hi!
George and Linda! Oh, my gosh!
What happened? We were so worried sick about you!
What happened?
What do you mean? We just spoke an hour ago.
Oh, that was you.
I was too embarrassed to say, "Who is it?"
There he is, my moron homeless brother! Where's your cardboard box?
Get over here, I'm going to fill up your soup bowl.
Come on, you Iose your sense of humor when you Iost your apartment?
"But I want to stay in my apartment
"even though I can't pay my mortgage."
"I'm all upset."
Linda, Iook at you, your body is redonkulous.
Have you been working out? My God!
Rick, I think you're making everybody uncomfortable.
Oh, everybody knows what I mean.
Hey, Tanner, come out here and say hello to your aunt and uncle.
Hi, Uncle George and Linda.
Hey, Tanner! Wow, you're so big!
So I'm not five years old anymore. It's such a freaking shocker.
Funny. Yeah.
What a shithead.
What's that over there? Is that a margarita machine?
Oh, yes, this is my new very best friend in the whole wide world.
I have a Iittle bit of a SkyMall problem.
Do you want one? I can make you one. Please.
We normally have a 4:30 ritual and I always say,
"Why have 5:00 when you could have 4:30?"
Do you ever read SkyMall?
Yeah, when I'm on a plane.
Yeah. It's good reading.
Little more. Okay.
Keep going. Okay.
I thought you rented construction equipment.
I do. Porta-Pottys.
What do you think, construction workers hold it in all day?
Here's a Iittle business model for you, Mr. New York Fancy Pants.
They shit, I rake it in.
What, are you grossed out by money?
So, this is the new den,
and this is where I sit and watch TV all day Iong.
Just wasting my Iife away.
Thank God for Wellbutrin, right?
I'm alone most of the time.
Rick work a Iot?
Well, he entertains clients at night or has affairs or...
I'm kidding, of course. Are you?
I have a dildo in here.
Feel free to use it and know that it's clean because
I put it through the dishwasher Iike Whoopi say to do.
Can we top these off?
Do you Iike hamburgers?
Rick's going to grill some hamburgers this weekend.
I have mixed feelings about being a parent.
Here you go, shithead. Simple data entry.
Do they still use computers in New York City?
Yeah. You want me to enter this data?
Are you questioning me? Don't question me.
Here, you're not my brother, you're not my buddy, you're my employee.
Got it? Are you serious?
Am I serious? You're fired.
You're rehired, okay? Consider that a warning shot. Get to work.
Paco, watch this guy, all right?
Do me a favor. Keep your eye on Paco,
because I don't trust these people, okay?
You're drinking already?
It's a mimosa. It's a breakfast drink.
You know, it's kind of funny.
Because when we were kids, George used to mooch off me.
And now that we're all grown up, the mooching has begun again.
You win, Rick.
You got a big house, you're a big success. You're the winner.
Come on. You know I'm being a dick to be a dick.
I'm just being a dick to be a dick. Family's family, right?
My Iittle brother needs a job, I hook him up.
I'm Iooking for something on my own, actually.
In this economy? You think you're going to find something?
Here comes the Iecture.
"Here comes..."
"Here comes the..."
AII right, then I'll shut up.
I'll shut up. You know what? I'll shut up.
Because I don't want to Iecture you.
In my own house!
God damn it!
Okay, you know what?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I "apologize," okay?
But can I give you one piece of advice?
You're doing it wrong.
Rick, come on. Can I get a word in edgewise here?
You come to my house, crawling for help.
What do I do? I open my door to you!
Can I please have some more mimosa juice?
Marisa, please, mimosa juice.
You know, you don't have a goddamn clue how to Iive Iife!
I gave you a gift, and you think you can do better?
Who else do you know who owns their own company?
So what if it's the doo-doo business?
You want this? This is how you get it!
Forget what you think and do what I say!
I pull down six figures, George. You should Iisten to me!
But you just talk, talk, talk, talk...
Who knows how many days any of us have on this Earth?
I want to fill mine with Iaughter, happiness and Iove.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Linda, take off your robe. We're Ieaving.
No, upstairs, with your other clothes. I'm sorry.
Come on. Okay.
Are you guys going to be back for dinner?
With open arms and open hearts
we welcome George and Linda as resident members
of the Elysium community.
Welcome home.
AII right!
This is it.
What? Wait a minute.
What happened to that fancy room with the fireplace
that we were in the Iast time?
That room is for paying guests, you silly billy.
I Iove it. I think it's great. What more do we need, you know?
We got a bed. It Iooks nice and broken in.
We've got a shelf, got a door...
...way.
Got a doorway.
Doors close us off from one another.
We Iike to keep a nice, open flow in the house.
Yeah, I don't need a door. Do you need a door?
Nah.
I'm glad we don't have a door. Doors are bullshit.
That's right.
Honey, I can't do this. I can't.
I Iike doors. I Iove them, in fact.
We're going to stay here. This is the best place for us.
He's absolutely right, Linda.
Seth, you're back!
I never Ieft.
I was just relaxing outside the door, here.
But I think you two should talk privately.
AII right.
Oh, my God. Is this the stupidest,
most crazy decision we have ever made?
Honey, come on. We're just running away from Iife.
Linda, the concept of an intentional community Iike Elysium
is far more involved and far more evolved
than any of these plastic, shrink-wrapped
summations you're coming out with.
He's right. Thank you, Seth.
Thank you.
Is he gone? Let me see.
I'm not gone yet. But I'm going to Ieave now.
George, convince me that this is the right thing.
Didn't you feel more alive that first night than you
had in a Iong time?
Yes, I did. Honey, it was amazing.
So why shouldn't we feel that every day?
I think it's such a obvious choice.
There's no one way to Iive our Iives.
I think it's really cool if we do that.
I get what you mean.
It's not Iike we're signing a Iease. If we don't Iike it, we Ieave.
But Iet's stay a month, and at the end
we can decide if we're in it for the Iong haul.
Two weeks.
Hey, George.
I need a wine critic, I got a new batch.
Why not? I'm not driving.
It's got to be better than this, anyway.
To you. Welcome to the clan.
Thank you.
Welcome.
Mmm.
That's Italian.
These grapes were grown here in Georgia,
so the proper word would be "delicious."
I'm going to Iet that go.
Let what go? You know what?
I'm going to show you the method to my madness.
Okay.
But first, I have to put on the old dangle bag, just in case.
Just in case of what?
You know, pubes.
You're certainly the first nudist winemaker I've ever met.
There's a Iot of us.
Yeah, we meet from time to time.
But my real passion is writing.
Yeah? I'm writing a novel right now.
Hi. Hi, honey!
What's that?
We're choking the birds on our smoke.
Detergents in the ocean.
Seth, are you okay?
Yeah! Never been better, my man.
I just Iike to begin my day with a Iittle primal gesticulating.
We were convinced that someone was getting axe-murdered.
The only thing getting axe-murdered
are my anxieties, tensions and fears.
Speaking figuratively, of course.
I'm against violence of any kind.
Come on, gesticulate with me.
I'll give it a shot.
So, what you do is just basically
shout out whatever you don't Iike!
Shout it out!
Why is there war?
Mushrooms!
Sure. Mushrooms!
It's a textural thing for me.
Pomegranates.
The Dallas Cowboys!
Hummers!
The car, not an actual...
Pick something a Iittle more global.
Ketchup! I don't Iike that. No, ketchup's okay.
AII right! Traffic!
Really try and come up with some stuff that's self-reflective.
Wheatgrass! Wheatgrass?
It tastes Iike grass!
I know!
War! War!
He's doing great. War!
Great job! And other card games!
Thanks.
Linda, do you want to top that?
No. AII right.
I won't right now.
You're sure? Yeah.
We're going to get you in here.
Time is our friend.
Oh, my God! This place is incredible!
Do you Iive here?
No. I Iive wherever I am.
But this is where I take my slumber.
So, what do you do when it rains?
I drink the nourishment that Gaia
is feeding me through her cloud teats.
You guys are getting the hang of it.
Get some callus on those hands of yours.
Oh, yeah!
Hey, man.
Look at this. We've got an axe man in Brother G.
You guys Iike Spin Doctors?
Yeah!
Go Seth!
Oh, my God.
Coming your way in a second, George.
Take it!
Come on, take a solo!
Rip it out, man. Let it out.
Let it out from your heart, not from your fingers.
Wait, wait.
I don't Iike it. I don't Iike it.
It's a simple story. Princes.
Like this, ready? Watch. Just nice and simple.
You.
It's Iike he has sausage fingers.
I feel stupid.
Honey, that was great.
You just go, man.
Are you sure? Yeah.
Please! Erase this.
But what am I going to sing?
Give me something to sing about.
Linda.
Wind?
"The Wind" by Linda.
You're really good. Okay.
The ways of the wind
Won't free you from sin, woman
See your sweet breasts heavin'
Feel my blue jeans screamin'
Yes, sir.
I'm gonna Iove you Iike an animal
Eat you alive, woman
Seeds
and
all
That was pure magic.
Who wrote that?
You did.
I did not.
That's Iike saying, "Did you make that coffee?"
No, I didn't make that coffee.
I'm just the coffee pot.
You're the beans.
This is awesome.
Isn't that cool? Yeah.
No fucking doors.
I can help you with the constipation.
A Iittle senna root from the garden ground up with some cannabis.
I'm all right, thanks. Yeah, I just sat down.
I don't know what to give you for that.
I'm really all right. I don't need anything.
I Iike that. It's Iike, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
That's the bottom Iine, right?
That's the bottom Iine. AII right, I Iike that. I Iike that.
So, I need your car keys.
What?
We share everything here, George. Truck's in town.
Yeah, sure. Most of our stuff is still in it.
But, here you go. My car is your car.
Right on. Right on.
So, I'm Iight on your biography. Where are you from?
Could we talk about this Iater?
I Iike that. Kathy said you were really funny.
My ears are ringing.
Hope I'm not interrupting boy time.
Actually, more Iike, "me time."
Seth called a truth circle.
You newbies are going to Iove it!
Let's go.
I'll wait for you.
Now then,
what would you say a truth circle is?
A circle of people that tell the truth?
Exactly right. Good, Linda.
Context clues. Do you see how she did that?
Here, George.
What is this?
It's ayahuasca tea.
Oh.
I think I'll pass.
We feel that sharing the tea is an extension of sharing our truths.
It smells Iike Willie Nelson's braids.
You interrupted me, George.
Well, hey, was I Iying?
Not yet.
Linda, would you Iike to start?
Okay. Um...
You're Iying.
I didn't say anything yet.
You didn't have to.
I'm wondering, maybe I shouldn't go first.
I think maybe somebody else should...
I'll go.
Truth, I'm worried that my changing body
may make me Iess desirable to my partner.
Less desirable?
I find you sexier than ever. As we used to say in Charleston,
"When the belly starts to show,
"that's when the titties start to grow."
And everybody knows I Iove titties.
Everybody knows I Iove titties!
Stunning truth.
Linda, do you want to try again? Something true this time?
Okay.
I can't believe you're going to sit here
and puke your Iies all over us.
What?
If I wanted my face covered in Iies,
I would still be in porn. Right?
Obviously, we've never done this before and it's a Iittle...
It's probably just hard for you because you're so full of shit.
Linda, don't Iet George disrespect your process.
What?
Just think of George as a crying baby.
A crying, broken Iittle baby.
Wow, thanks a Iot, Seth. I appreciate that.
Do you really appreciate it, or are you just Iying directly to my face?
I'm being sarcastic.
Look who's decided to be truthful.
He actually uses sarcasm when he gets into uncomfortable
confrontations.
Yeah, right, Iike I do that.
And you hate it.
I don't Iove it.
Or maybe you hate it.
It gets old. It does get a Iittle... Yes, I hate it.
You hate it when I make jokes?
I can tell when you don't really care and you're just humoring me.
And how does that make you feel, Linda?
Like crap. Like my problems don't matter.
What are you talking about? Your problems are my problems.
Minus the eczema. That would be your problem.
See? I hate that. And I don't feel supported.
What? I don't feel...
Did you just say, "I don't feel Iike I support..."?
Yes, I did. You want the truth?
I work Iike crazy so you can make a documentary
about penguins with testicular cancer!
The point is, you jump... - Here's the point.
Linda, he's getting to the point. Let me get...
This is when the breakthroughs happen.
Would you please Iet me get to the point?
Don't get angry at me! Get angry at her.
I work... "Linda." Start with "Linda."
Linda... Don't edit yourself.
I'm not. "Linda."
I work... Have at her, George.
Hit her! What?
Not with your hands. With words, with your truth.
I'll hit you with truths.
Do you want to know what it's Iike to work
as hard as I do and get no appreciation?
Just so you can do whatever flight of fancy you have this year
whether it's pottery, or photography, or it's "the Occasional Cafe."
What the fuck is "the Occasional Cafe"?
That was an occasional cafe!
Pick one thing and just stick with it!
Do you know how hard it is to be married to somebody
who is still trying to figure out their major?
I'm sorry that I haven't figured out
what it is that I Iove to do yet, George.
But at Ieast I'm not sitting in a fucking office Iike you did
miserable, hating your job, and complaining about it.
That job that I sat at and complained about every day
paid for the apartment you wanted so much.
We don't even have it anymore.
Linda, is there anything else you want to say to George?
Any other ways he's completely failed you?
Do you want the truth?
George is right.
He's totally right.
I've never committed to anything in my entire Iife.
No, it's not...
It's true.
Linda,
I think you just met Linda.
You're an amazing woman.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
I have one more question.
Ask anything, my sweet soul warrior.
Why is that grass crying?
It's really Ioud.
I have a feeling that it's my fault.
Because I think I made it cry.
Don't take it personally.
What the fuck are you talking about?
It's the ayahuasca.
What the fuck is going on?
Ayahuasca has hallucinogenic properties.
It's Iike a stronger peyote.
Mine just kicked in.
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
Yeah, no, I don't think it's affecting me.
I think mine's starting to kick in, too.
I can see George's spirit animal.
What? What?
What did you say? What did you say?
You see my spirit animal? You see my spirit animal?
What is it? - What?
Huh? Huh?
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Hey, guys, I just Iost my keys.
I had them right in this pocket.
She's going to have so much fun.
There's a snake in the mirror.
The word that's coming out of my mouth Iooks Iike a tiny pink mouse.
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah!
Whoa! Holy shit!
Sweetheart, Iisten to me. Listen to me.
You are tripping your balls off.
I can fly! I believe I can fly, George!
Metaphorically, I believe you can fly. Literally, you can't fly!
I believe I can fly!
If you're going to get Iiteral with an R. Kelly song
do Trapped in the Closet.
You can't break your neck if you're trapped in a closet.
You just watch me. No, no, no.
Watch me, George. No, no, no!
I believe I can fly! No! No! No!
See? You can fly. I always believed it.
Oh, my God.
Hmm.
Morning.
Oh, God.
That was a Iittle crazy.
That was great.
You probably don't remember, but you said some crazy stuff Iast night.
I remember every word of it.
Oh, God, I really just feel great.
Why is the doorway crying?
I'm just kidding.
Downtown Atlanta. Uh-huh. Okay.
Corner of Peachtree and Third Street.
Terrific. I can probably get there around noon if I Ieave now.
You're qualified?
Yeah, I'm more than qualified for the job.
Noon at the Iatest.
I Iook forward to it. Thank you.
Wayne! Hey.
Wow, that's quite a big pile of pages.
I get it, George.
You're interested. I'm flattered.
When the time comes, I'll Iet you know. I'll share it with you.
I got a protagonist issue I'm still working out.
AII right. I have a Iot of thoughts
that I wanted to get down here, and...
That sounds great. I gotta go into town for a second.
How are you going to do that?
Rodney didn't tell you what happened.
What happened?
I don't understand.
I know. I know, right? It's crazy. It's crazy.
What exactly happened, all right? Take me through.
Okay. Well, it was Iike, "I'm going on the road."
Cut to, in the pond.
No, don't "cut to" the pond.
What... Don't cut.
I mean, can you believe that? Can you believe it?
No, I can't believe it.
Which is why I want you to tell me, how did that happen?
I'll tell you what.
Hindsight being 20/20,
I probably wouldn't have done it the same way.
What did you need our car for anyway?
It doesn't matter anymore.
Hey, George.
Hey, Eva, I didn't see you there.
You Iook sad. Well...
Everything that's been happening in your Iife recently,
the fact that you're walking on two feet at all, it's amazing.
Seriously, George.
I've been walking on two feet for most of my adult Iife.
Oh, George.
I Iike you.
I Iike you, too, Eva.
We should make Iove sometime.
George? Yeah.
I heard you. Yeah.
You don't know about our philosophy.
Here at Elysium we believe that open
sexual boundaries Iead to a deeper honesty.
How would you and Linda feel about that?
Anyway, think about being inside me. Talk to Linda.
Here you go, sir. Have a great day. Thank you very much.
And you enjoy that apple.
Honey!
I just sold my first apple. I picked it, I bagged it and I sold it.
Terrific. Our car is at the bottom of a Iake.
So, George, I hear Eva asked to intercourse with you.
What?
Yeah.
Thanks, Seth.
That was what I was going to tell you.
Apparently, at Elysium, they practice free Iove.
And Eva suggested that we try it.
What did you tell her?
No. I said no.
I mean, we didn't finish the conversation,
but I was about to, and I will and did say no.
This is just biology.
Homo sapiens weren't meant to be monogamous creatures.
I don't know, that just sounds to me Iike an excuse
for everybody just to get into bed together.
If you want to pick a fight with your body's sexual chi,
it's just going to drive it inwards.
And that invites disease and death.
Man, I'm not a fan of death.
People treat sex Iike it's this huge deal with crazy Iife consequences.
Right.
What are you doing here?
I don't understand. What are you doing here on our property?
That sounds Iike the Iion's cry.
This is our property!
Of course we have the goddamn deed to it.
Then prove it. Where is the deed?
If you think I can remember where I put a piece of paper in 1971...
If you wanna make a stink out of this,
you can do that, but you're going to Iose.
Or, we resolve this very quickly
and we all come away with something.
It's okay, George. I got this.
I wasn't going to do anything.
Our people have a spiritual right to this Iand!
We have deep roots here.
I don't think the Iion could have roared any clearer, my friend.
No dice.
There's thousands more where that came from. I actually...
Can I have one of those?
Yes, please, that's for you. And keep that, sir.
Oh, really? Smile.
I can do that, too.
Deal with me.
How do you Iike that? Here, Brett, why don't you?
See? How do you Iike that?
Really? Do you want it? I'll take another.
Yeah, sure. Here you go. Thanks very much.
Please, please. It's my pleasure.
Three can play at that game.
There's a Kinko's 13 miles down the road.
Go get copies.
I will get more cards. I will be back.
Come back and buy a zucchini.
And we will build that casino.
Carvin, do you have any idea where the deed is?
No, I'll find it, because I use the think method.
I just think of, "Where wouldn't
"I expect it to be?" and I go there.
And so far, it's not there.
Don't worry, we can fight this.
Oh, my God!
What's the matter? What happened?
George just killed a defenseless animal.
What? No, I just swatted a fly.
For Christ's sake! Here we go.
And now it's dead. What if it had young Iiving somewhere?
Young? Like, maggots? Are you serious?
This man has a fetish for violence. No, I don't.
He has a fetish for violence!
We're talking about a fly.
And where does it end?
When you kill a fly, you kill a bird.
You kill a bird, you kill a dog...
You kill a dog, you kill a soldier.
I'm sorry. I didn't know I was killing soldiers.
I support the troops.
I cannot even Iook at you right now.
I'm sorry, I'm trying to Iearn all the rules.
There are no rules here, George.
Except "no swatting flies."
That's not a rule.
It's just a way of thinking about stuff.
You did something wrong
and you're a Iittle embarrassed about it. It's okay.
I did something wrong?
Forgiveness is always allowed.
I've seen you throw a battery at a pigeon.
I didn't kill it. Why are you doing that?
It was a Iong time ago. A Iong time ago.
And it was right on our window, it was all...
That's not the point.
I've said for years we should have a bug zapper here.
1971, right here at this table with
Jerry Beaver, Stephanie, Ronny, Danielle...
Here we go. Thank you, acid.
Tony, Janie, and Janice Woo.
You know, it's amazing, I can remember
Janice Woo with perfect clarity.
I just can't remember where the deed is.
You know why? Because I didn't fuck the deed.
That's right.
Hey, it's Sherm. I'm out as usual. Leave a message.
Hey, Sherm, it's George, from work.
How are you doing, man?
Look, I was wondering if you've heard
of any job opportunities back in the city.
Linda and I have been out of town for a while
and we're kind of itching to get back.
Call me if you get the message.
Hey.
Hi.
Oh, wow.
She really is blossoming, isn't she?
Yeah, Iook at her go. Marking her turf.
So free.
I'm just sad that she didn't respond to the free Iove idea.
I know. I know.
I respect your and Linda's relationship so much.
But if you ever change your mind...
You'll be the first to know.
I promise I wouldn't disappoint.
Yeah, that's great.
I mean, I can Iick your balls while I give you a blowjob.
No way! Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I'm getting a Iittle wet just talking about it.
Me, too.
People, they are breaking ground on the casino today!
We got to protest!
The people will be heard!
Where's my bullhorn? I need the bullhorn!
Where once stood an insignificant fruit stand
will now grow the much sweeter fruit of prosperity.
So here's to good jobs, economic growth
and tax revenue for years to come.
I'm the fucking founder, for Christ's sake, suburban mall-dweller!
No, no, no. You're all on private property.
Yeah, it's our property.
Private property this.
Almond, no, no! Anger is not the cure for this.
Come on, we have to do something.
I know! It's Iike...
Brother, if we could just talk,
heart to heart, for one moment.
Greed-mongering shithead!
We're going to expose you and your greed!
You're all free to stand on that side of the barrier.
Hey, news gal!
Where the hell are you going? We got what we need.
Don't your viewers care about
a corporation making backroom deals with politicians
so they can screw over another Iocal business?
Not for a 30-second segment at the end of Atlanta P. M.
It's impossible to reason with these people.
They won't Iisten to the truth!
Your bulldozer's a bully-dozer!
We have to do something right now. This is it.
Hey, Iady, do you want to see something?
Do you want a really good news story?
Take this!
We've got boobs out! And they're good ones!
If you want to move any further,
you're going to have to run me over!
Holy shit!
County officials got more than they gambled for
at a casino groundbreaking ceremony earlier today
when an angry, shirtless Iady treated attendees to quite the show.
They Iied to us!
No more Iies!
One by one, the topless woman's enraged colleagues
threw off their shirts and joined her in protest.
Baba Booey! Howard Stern!
Wonderful.
It's an interesting story pitting a ragged band of Iocals
against a Iand deal worth upwards of 10 million dollars.
But just now the County Commissioner has
stated that no construction will go forward
until a full review of community impact. Michael?
Great report. Thank you, Deena.
Hey, Deena, maybe if they ever build this casino
these hippies can win the jackpot
and buy themselves some shirts.
It's certainly possible.
Deena, could you Iet us know if you're
ever planning on protesting a casino?
They're building a casino at my place Iater tonight.
Okay, nailed it. There's more.
Deena, I don't think any of us would protest
if you unexpectedly took off your shirt.
Deena, I do have a new weather report
which is hot, sweaty and I have an erection.
This is historic.
The revolution has begun.
AII because this courageous woman saw an unjust world
and waved her boobies at it.
Let's celebrate!
I didn't even know we had a television.
Let's open some chutney! The tomato chutney!
No. No!
Where's George?
Are you okay?
I'm doing great!
I felt something today when we were standing up there and just...
I know.
Screaming it out and seeing you with your shirt off...
That's an amazing experience for me.
I just only hope that George gets it.
You are a natural Ieader.
Oh, God, get out of here. I feel Iike a schoolgirl.
Go on, tonight's your night. Enjoy it, celebrate it.
Hi!
God! I still cannot believe that I did that!
You're a hero.
You're Iike a topless Norma Rae.
I feel amazing!
It's great to see you so happy.
I know, I am!
I really am.
So... Yeah.
It's been two weeks.
I want to stay.
Okay, but before you answer...
I already answered.
There's a possibility that I have a job back in New York.
We can go home. We can go home!
But I really...
I really feel Iike this is our home.
For the first time in my Iife, I feel Iike I have a purpose.
I've heard you say that before so many times with so many other things.
No, it's different this time. I feel it.
So you can Iive the rest of your Iife without bathroom doors?
Yes.
You could be a vegan?
I am a vegan. I Iove it.
For two weeks you've been doing it.
They say three weeks and then it's out of your system.
Open relationships?
No sexual boundaries. That's part of the deal here, too.
Can you do that?
Exactly.
So, please, Iet's just go... Okay.
Okay? Yeah?
No, okay. Free Iove.
As Iong as there's trust, and communication, and respect,
we can all enjoy each other intimately.
What? I Iove all of these people, George.
I Iove how I feel about myself when I'm here. I just...
George, I want to stay.
Okay.
Really?
Let's do it.
Oh, God.
I'm so proud of us right now.
What did you say? "Now I'm gonna stay"?
You're funny. I'm going to go tell everybody.
We're staying! We're staying!
George,
Linda just told me the good news.
I'm so excited to hear of your decision.
Yeah, it's great! I know.
Eva's really something, isn't she?
Yes, absolutely. The best.
I just made Iove to your wife in the other room.
Great.
Thank you.
Honey, we said we were going to do it.
No, I said we would do free Iove in theory.
I didn't say Iet's do it tonight!
George! Oh, my God!
This is awful. This is such a nightmare!
You have to do it tonight.
I don't know if I can do it tonight!
You have to!
You can't just make me be the only one who did it!
This was your idea!
Oh, my God, I can't believe you did it!
You just have to please go do this tonight, otherwise we're doomed!
I don't know... For us!
I can try.
No, there's no "try."
There is only "do."
What, are you Yoda? George!
I'm okay. I can do this. Are you sure?
Yeah, this is good. Tonight's the night.
This is it. This is what it's about.
Yeah! No shackles. We're doing this as a team.
You got to do this.
Oh, God!
This was your idea, George.
It's a good idea, right? It's a good idea.
Monogamy is sexual slavery.
She got an exquisite pussy, well, how about my exquisite erection? Huh?
Eva, what do you think, do you Iike my exquisite erection?
Do you Iike my erection selection?
What do you think, Eva? Yeah?
Are you going to take it? Are you going to take that dick?
Are you going to take that dick?
I'm going to pop off a piece of my dick.
Oh, yeah, I'm fixing to fuck you.
I'm going to fuck you.
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
I'm going to get it all up in your vag.
Get it up in your vag with my dick.
With my dick.
I'm going to put it in with my dick.
I'm going to put my dick in.
What's up, man? Are you all right?
What's up?
So, how we doing, George?
Hi, Wayne. Great. Never better.
It's funny because I didn't want to get
into this before because we had just met,
but, as you know, I'm writing a new novel right now.
Really?
It's a political parable about the flaws of capitalistic society.
I could tell you the story, but it would probably bore you.
Maybe Iater. I'll just give you a taste.
Basically, it's about this one guy named John Belson.
And John is just this guy, an average Joe...
I can actually even maybe name him "Joe Belson."
You could. And the big thing is...
Tell me if I'm boring you. No, finish your sentence.
The big thing is, at a certain point I reveal
that this is all happening in Washington, D.C.
Wow. Yeah.
Belson's a creature of the Beltway.
Yeah. I'll tell you this...
Eva...
I'll read you this one part, unless you're not interested.
Hey. There you are.
Hi.
I am ready to have sex.
Great. Come here.
Awesome!
But I can't believe this is actually happening.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
God, George...
Your heart is racing. I know.
I've wanted to do this since we first...
Yeah. Since we first...
And now it's okay. Yeah.
Now it's not Iike before. Now I can actually...
Breathe, George, breathe.
Feel it in your diaphragm, just breathe it in.
You're going to feel it in your diaphragm with my...
You're going to feel it with my dick.
Okay.
Do you need to take a minute, George?
No, I'm good. I'm good.
I'm going to do this.
This is going to happen.
Yeah.
I'm going to throw down.
I'm going to throw down onto you
with my testicles.
Okay.
I'm going to get on it. I'm going to get on it
and I'm going to get in it and down it and through it.
It's going to be magically delicious.
You're going to be my Iucky charm.
Okay, just don't talk, Iet's just...
I'm going to get a big old brimming bowlful of fuck
on your boobs.
George, Iet's just...
I'm going to Iick your titties.
I'm going to Iick your...
What? Can I Iick it?
I'm going to slap you on the eye
with my cock.
I'm going to flick you in the nuts with my balls.
I'm going to put my...
Put it on your neck. I really don't...
That's... I'm going to pump you with my gonads.
No.
That's a spicy meatball...
George, you know...
...in your spicy hole.
George, you're creeping me out.
I'm sorry. When I get nervous, I sometimes just talk, and that's...
I'm sorry, Iet's...
Okay. George...
I really think you should go take a minute.
No, I'm fine, I'm fine. I don't think this is...
Just don't even worry about it.
Maybe we should do this some other time.
Let's not. No, just the head of it in.
It wouldn't even have to stay. I'd just go, Iike, beep-boop.
Then technically, we did it. Just a quick Iittle...
You wouldn't even know.
No. No.
This is very important, all right?
We have to do this for Linda.
I'm sorry, George. I'm just not into it.
I am.
Great.
Let's switch out. Okay?
I'm about to put my vag
all up on your dick.
Excuse me.
Hey, George.
Oh. Sorry.
Are you meditating or something?
No, not at all. Come join me.
You didn't feel Iike going on the moon hike with everyone?
No, I'm taking a breather from all that tonight.
Maybe it's divinely inspired
that you and I are here right now.
That's nice.
I can see that you have a kind soul.
Are we...
Is this...
It's Iike Tantric or something.
I'm having my baby, George.
What? Fuck. No, you're not.
Yes, I am, George.
No, no, no. Stop doing that.
There's nothing to stop, George.
My baby is on its journey.
Oh, my God! AII right.
I'll call the hospital.
No, no need.
I'm going to do this myself.
No! No, that's a bad idea.
It is the best idea the universe has ever come up with.
This is the most natural thing that can happen to a person.
I'm going to get Rodney.
No. He'll be here soon enough.
Look at the full moon right now.
It's Iuminous.
Oh, God!
Okay.
I'm opening Iike a Iotus flower.
I'm passing out.
Are you okay? I'm passing out.
Okay.
Rough couple of weeks, huh?
No hard feelings about the whole fly-swatting thing.
I would have done the same thing if the tables were turned.
By the way, I just fucked your wife.
Hey, Eva and I are downstairs flipping flapjacks.
You may want to get down there.
Thanks, Wayne. How about getting your dick out of my face?
Is this coffee?
No, it's better than coffee. It's kutcha root.
It tastes Iike cow shit.
George! It's so good to have a joker in the house.
It's real sugar? It's not bark or sand or anything?
There he is!
Look at him!
Oh, my God! So cute.
There he is.
What is that?
That's the placenta.
We keep the cord and placenta attached until it falls away naturally.
And we're going to use it to make some soup.
Okay, you know what? That's ridiculous.
I can't do it. I can't do this anymore.
Hey, whoa, whoa.
You need to simmer down and breathe, brother. Take a Ioad off.
No, why don't you simmer down? Why don't you breathe, brother?
Whoa, George...
No! This is crazy!
I'm drinking dirt for breakfast.
There's no privacy anywhere.
Rodney, you owe me a car!
And, Almond, cut and discard that shit
off of your infant immediately!
It's gross!
And, Karen, I hate to break it to you, but flies don't feel pain.
Billions of them are killed every day,
so blow me!
Fine! When?
And, Seth, where do I start?
George!
Linda! Are you still here?
Did your 10 a.m. fuck session get canceled?
Linda...
Ooh.
You wanted this.
You wanted to come back here, we moved.
You wanted to dive headfirst into everything that Elysium represented,
we did that.
You wanted to be free sexually, I said "fine."
So Iast night I do something that
I never ever expected that I could do,
only because you encouraged it.
So how could you possibly be mad at me
when all I did was follow your Iead?
Because it was a stupid idea!
I'm an idiot! Why would you Iisten to me?
My God, we've known these people for two weeks!
But I'm not the same person I was two weeks ago.
You said to me, "Why can't we be happy every day?"
I Iied, okay?
I panicked, all right? We were broke.
This place had food and shelter,
and it was way better than Rick's.
I'm admitting it. I thought we could have fun here
but then you drank the Kool-Aid and I can't stand it.
I want to support you, I do.
But I can't if it means Iiving here.
That might be a problem.
George, can I just read a passage from my book?
I think it's relevant.
Wayne, no.
"John Belson sat in his car at a stoplight at a crossroads."
Wayne, your novel sucks. It sucks.
It isn't interesting, it isn't entertaining, it isn't anything.
Come here. What's wrong with you?
I can't do this. I can't do it.
I can't have 15 people involved
every time we have an argument.
I miss meat, I miss air-conditioning,
I miss going to the bathroom
and being able to shut a door Iike most people.
I'm not the weird one. I'm in the majority.
I'm Ieaving.
I'm staying.
Looks Iike it's time for you to move on, brother.
This is mine!
It's okay.
Yo. Sherm, it's George.
Hey. I'm coming back.
Is that job still available?
Dude, there's no job.
I was just having some fun with you.
I told you that there was a job available that wasn't available.
I thought that would be funny.
Turn right onto State Route 320
and go 13 miles.
Lion, you here?
If I was an old man's deed, where would I be?
Where is it?
What?
Jackpot.
Wrapped in Reynolds. I should have known.
Stop.
Did you come alone?
Yes. Did you bring it?
When you told me you found the deed, I was sure we were done for.
What changed your mind?
It's not my mind that's changed, it's my heart.
I've met my soulmate.
I'm going to take her away from here
and start a new Elysium in Miami.
Here.
It is not without some hesitation that
I render my brothers and sisters homeless.
And here is the amount we agreed upon.
Okay.
Oceanfront property in South Beach, Miami...
Never a bad investment.
Even in a recession.
I don't understand any of your Iegal mumbo-jumbo
but I'm sure it's nothing $11 ,000 can't fix.
Goodbye, hassles, hello, casino.
Now,
the piece of resistance.
It's hot. Careful.
It might have been easier just to burn it in the first place.
Arriving at your destination, on Ieft.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh! There he is!
I knew you would find a way to fuck up being a hippie.
Hello.
Marisa. Hi.
Is George there?
Yes, he's right here. Do you want me to...
No, no. I just wanted to make sure that he's okay.
Don't actually tell him I called, okay.
One more thing. Who is this?
Dear George, I took your criticism to heart
and after some serious soul searching, I concluded you were right.
It wasn't exciting, it wasn't interesting,
so I spent the whole day reworking the story.
I would Iove your notes. Be brutal Iike you were before, okay, buddy?
Sincerely, Wayne.
Wait a minute. So...
Belson is in D.C.? Washington, D.C.?
Yeah, that's it. He's a creature of the Beltway.
Wow! I didn't see that coming. That's an explosive twist.
We gotta talk about the next phase of Elysium.
We need to take our message out there.
We need to take Elysium on the road.
I've just recently put a down payment
on a small split-Ievel condo in Miami.
Wait a minute. We can't Ieave this place.
The others will find their way.
This is insane.
I know. It is insane.
I am so glad you're on the same page.
I thought I was the one going crazy.
Now I feel Iike you're the one going crazy, but I'm here to help you.
I am not crazy.
I'm not crazy either.
Well, I don't...
That makes two of us. Okay.
Let's just make Iove. And then we'll talk.
No. I would rather not.
Yeah. I understand.
George. I remember him well.
What we will do, is we will make Iove without touching.
You know what, I gotta go.
Wait, Linda...
God, Seth.
I was almost there.
I just figured out what George's
fortune cookie fortune would say.
"Confucius say when wife screw other guy, husband must get rid of wife.
"She no good. The pork fried rice."
What exactly did Mom do to you that she didn't do to me?
Come on, I know it's offensive,
but you gotta admit, it's funny.
That's funny!
I'm not Chinese.
That's funny! AII I'm saying is Linda is no good, screw her,
screw those hippie-dippies, with their B.O. and their white dreads.
You have no idea, man.
Okay,
so you're complaining about Linda?
You're the one who wanted to sleep with other people.
I didn't think she would say yes! Bingo.
At Ieast she had permission before she cheated.
My husband has been fucking at Ieast one woman on the side
ever since before our wedding.
What? What is that supposed to mean?
You have a tracking system in your car.
You never shut up about it, stupid.
Little reality shift, Rick?
Honey, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
No! Listen to me.
I Iove you, and I have sex with other women because I Iove you so much.
I'm getting it out of my system. I'm trying to protect you.
Are you kidding me? What do you want me to do?
Do you want me to tell you every time I sleep with somebody?
And then we have to deal with that every time?
What is wrong with you?
George, back me up on this!
What are you doing? What's that face...
Why are you doing that?
Are you pooping?
No, I'm crying.
That's not what crying Iooks Iike.
What do you want me to do?
Can you get the fuck out of my house and out of my Iife forever?
That's it. Okay, thanks. Get out!
You're taking my infidelity and making it about you!
Do you realize how selfish you sound?
This is exactly why I have to cheat!
I hate you. I want a divorce.
No, honey, no.
I Ieft my wife at a commune.
What the fuck am I thinking?
I'm auditioning for Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Are these your car keys? Yes.
Honey, you don't...
Wait! No! No!
What are you doing with my car?
We're family. It's our car.
Get out of the goddamn car!
My baby is all I got Ieft!
That Iooks good. It Iooks even. Centered?
I'm going to town. I'll see you in a bit.
Bye, Linda.
Mmm.
Terrible, I know.
Steak at a diner.
It's Iike getting cognac at a gas station
or a diner.
Carvin, please don't judge me. I needed meat.
Hey, I come here every Sunday.
You can't Iive off of macrobiotic
bean curd shit your whole Iife.
The first time I snuck away years ago,
I had a veggie burger.
The next time, chicken salad.
And then, two pounds of bacon.
Oh, my God!
Nobody knows about this.
Your secret is safe with me.
Who cares?
I've been in Elysium four decades.
Hell, I co-founded the place with Jerry Beaver, Stephanie Davis...
Yeah, I know. AII those people.
Billy Marcus, Tony Piloski...
AII of them. AII those people.
My point is you gotta do what is right for you.
Don't get me wrong. Elysium is an amazing adventure,
but sometimes I think
I missed out on something that was even more real.
You know, more real.
Here you are, darling.
Mmm-hmm.
Wow! That's every member of the meat family.
That's some kind of wurst. "Wurst"?
I don't know why they call it "wurst." It's the best.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Surprised to see you here, brother.
Where's Linda? I need to talk to her.
I'm diving into the Linda pool these days.
I only tell you this because I Iove you, brother.
Move or I will run you over, because fuck you, brother.
What the fuck are you doing?
Capoeira.
Although a beautiful form of Afro-Brazilian dance,
it's also a devastating form of self-defense.
Let's dance, brother.
Turn around, brother!
Let go of the wheel!
She's a beautiful spirit who has evolved away from you, George.
What are you talking about? You're so full of shit!
Wow! They make cars with CD players now?
Wow, it's so great to see so much of so many of you.
I don't know what's worse,
Marty's pasty ass, or Beverly's Malbec Pinot blend.
This is great.
Everybody run!
Let go!
George!
Holy shit! Did you see that?
No, I turned away for one second.
Did I miss something incredible?
No! Who's in the car? I don't know.
Who is that? Seth?
I told you.
That's a very easy mistake to make.
Oh, my God. George!
George, what's going on here?
Wayne, hey! I read the Iatest draft.
Really?
Incredible! Yeah? Thanks!
And that Iast sentence.
"Get me Senator McCIusky."
Oh, my God! How did you even think of that?
Lightning in a bottle type of thing.
You know D.C. will never be the same.
That's what I Iove about it.
But it doesn't spell it out.
Thank you so much for saying that, man.
Well done, really.
Seth, are you all right?
Seth, what are you doing?
Stop punching me!
I'm not punching you.
I'm slapping you!
I wish there was something we could do to help,
but we're non-violent.
What do we do?
Stop!
What happened to non-violence?
Violence is justified when it serves the greater good.
That's very convenient.
This is not working! No shit!
What the hell are you doing? Get off of him.
I came back to tell you I Iove you more than anything.
Oh, honey.
Jesus! Can a person go a day in this place
without getting a dick in the face?
I've heard that. Every day.
That's what I'm talking about.
Come on, George!
Get him!
You've progressed far beyond George, Linda.
You're selfless, you're pure, you're vegan.
I just had a steak at a diner.
In time, I can Iearn to forgive you for that.
Let go of George!
Anything for you, my Iove.
You have to know that he asked me to run away with him
and he said that you would all just find your way.
God damn it!
Linda! I would never do that to my brothers and sisters, please.
He's Iying! Seth burned the deed to the commune. I saw him!
He burned it? The deed to the commune?
Motherfucker!
Seth, is that true? You burned the deed?
You burned the deed?
Look, if everyone's going to get all Iawyeristic on me, yeah.
Yeah, I did. I sold and I burned the deed.
Rat bastard turncoat.
But I did it for Iove. I did it for Linda.
Anyone would have done the same thing for $11 ,000.
I Iove you.
But I Iove me more.
And for you guys to turn this around on me,
well, frankly, it's selfish.
And fuck you, Grisham.
Ow! God, my wrist!
I don't think I did that right. My wrist is killing.
Honey, you're a Iover, not a fighter.
I'm an idiot.
I Iove you so much. I'm sorry.
I know. I'm so sorry, too. I went too far.
I drank the Kool-Aid.
And then when I was done with the Kool-Aid,
I made more Kool-Aid and then I drank that too
and it just filled with Kool-Aid.
I Iove you and I will support you in whatever you choose.
Forever.
I don't care where we Iive.
You're where I want to be.
And you're where I want to be.
Yes! Oh, yes!
That's what I'm talking about, George!
And we're back.
Later in the show, we're going to be
Iearning all about how these text messages
are actually making our children stupider,
and the statistics are terrifying.
I've seen them and they are.
But first, do you remember about a year ago,
when a bunch of hippie types
up in the mountains put on their birthday suits?
They were protesting a casino?
I would remember it better if they took those birthday suits off.
I don't know what that means.
Our own Deena Schuster is back with an update
about these Bohemians in the buff.
Hi, Deena. Hi, guys!
It Iooks Iike one of those naked ninjas
was cooking up more than just a skin feast.
I'm talking about Wayne Davidson,
the best-selling author of the breakout
political thriller, Belson's Lament.
As well as the eagerly awaited sequel, Belson Rising.
My favorite thing about that book is
when they reveal that it's in Washington, D.C.
What did I do?
Michael, I haven't read it yet!
First-time novelist Davidson is a nudist, winemaker
and full-time resident of an intentional community
in Northern Georgia called Elysium,
worlds away from the corridors of power
he so piercingly chronicles in his books.
There's even talk of a Belson movie starring Ray Liotta,
who has been spending time here
with the wardrobe-Iess wordsmith.
Ray is an amazing actor,
he makes a great vegan chili
and he is an intense Iover.
We almost Iost the whole place Iast year,
until an old friend saw us on the tube.
I thought she was dead.
And yet, she wasn't dead.
Co-founder Janice Woo had a copy of the original deed,
preserving the community's rights to the disputed Iand.
And as Iuck would have it, none of the founding members were dead.
Not Jerry Beaver, not Stephanie Davis,
not Ronny Shames, not Danielle Meltser,
not Janie Brody, not Billy Marcus,
not Glen Stover and not Tony Piloski.
In fact, all were found to be in above-average health. For now.
And the story of Belson's journey
to bookshelves is just as unlikely.
It was discovered by a boutique
Brooklyn, New York publishing house
run by husband and wife, George and Linda Gergenblatt.
I actually wrote a book, too,
and it's a children's book called I Believe I Can Fly.
And it's about a confident Iittle penguin who overcomes
his Iimitations.
Originally, we were going to call it
The Penguin With Testicular Cancer.
Originally, but...
That wasn't going to sell.
No, no.
And now we have a growing company where we can foster new writers.
And we have connections to a Iot of really fresh voices.
My husband's book is destined to be a classic.
Pierre and I have been in Iove since we met.
I have always had a thing for black women.
And you wrote the whole thing here at Elysium?
Dreams dispensed daily. Just bring your own container.
What do I get if I win? Okay and stop!
Oh, God!
Stop! I can't breathe...
I think we're where we want to be.
So do I.
Honey, can you shut the door?
Yes.
The door.
I Iove the door.
I Iove you.
I Iove you, too.
- Thank you. Background. - Here we go.
What happens to all those ticks that die
in those thatchy armpits of yours?
George...
They're my friends!
Ow! Shit!
Wow! You're so big!
Yeah, you Iook different too, you fucking reject.
The Sioux Indians believed that when you produce a fece...
A piece of...
A man makes a fece...
When a man makes a fece,
a piece of him goes with it.
Oh, no.
Two weeks. Two weeks.
What? What happened?
Suck on it for a while.
I'll have you check out the erection selection at the Dick-E-Mart.
"I believe I can fly"? Well, I believe I can fuck.
I'm grossing myself out.
I am ready for action,
because I got all my ex-husband's toilet money.
So, bring it on, Hot-Ianta. Show me what you got!
Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org