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Welcome back to Celebrity Dance Factor.
I'm Hutch Davidson and we are live from Hollywood
just moments away from crowning our season champion.
Now, we've just seen the last dances from our first two finalists.
Reality television star, Whitney Port.
And Miami Heat basketball star, Dwyane Wade.
Which brings us to our last, but certainly not least, finalist of the night.
Everyone's favorite tough love trainer from the weight-loss show, Lose it and Weep.
Oh, my God, I think I'm gonna throw up.
- We got this. We got this, okay? - You're right. We can do this.
- Just one more dance. One more dance. - We know how to do this.
Jules Baxter and her partner, Evan Webber!
Alex, quick, come see this!
What are you watching?
Celebrity Dance Factor.
- No. - It's the finals!
Even I need a cold shower after that one.
Let's turn to our esteemed panel ofjudges. Tyce? Let's hear your score.
Five stars!
Okay. Cheryl Cole?
You know what, if I had six stars, I'd give you the six.
But I've only got five, so you can have those.
- Jules is taking it. - No. I think D-Wade has it.
- What? - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
And Taboo of The Black Eyed Peas, let's have your thoughts.
It wasrt for me, so I gave you a three.
- Dude. She's totally doing him. - No way.
Don't question the sage insights of Star Buzz.
We've tallied the judges' scores and added them to our viewers' votes.
And let me tell you, this is the closest result we have ever recorded.
May I have the envelope, please?
Thank you.
And the winner of Celebrity Dance Factor, Season 15 is...
I can't...
Jules Baxter and Evan Webber!
Jules? Are you okay?
I'm sorry. So sorry.
Let's hope she's not pregnant, folks.
Fireworks!
Book signing. Milk It! the book!
Pictures of breasts inside!
Welcome, everyone, to The Breast Choice.
I'm Wendy Cooper, wearing two hats today as store owner
and author of my very first childrers book Milk It!
Yay!
So let's get started.
Hi.
"Goats do it.
"Cows do it.
"Kitties do it.
"Even dolphins in the sea do it.
"When your mommy uses her breasts to feed a baby
"she is feeding her baby the..."
Tits!
Gary!
Okay, okay. Sorry. I got it. I got it.
- Hey, kid! - All right!
- They're called breasts. - Thank you all for coming.
It was just lovely. And hug your mommies for breast-feeding you.
- Thank you. - Bye. Thank you. See you.
- Hey! Great job, hon! - Did you get that kid?
No. He was too fast.
But I said some choice words. They were very choice.
Punk. Next time, get him.
Okay. I will. But what's important right now?
That I just had my first reading.
Yeah! Yeah, you did! You did great.
- I gotta get back, okay? - What? No! Gar!
- Lil Wayne is waiting. - Can't some other dentist do it?
Squeaks, it's my first grill!
- Right? Yeah. - All right.
- It's a big deal. - I was gonna take you to lunch, but okay.
Next time, all right? Congratulations! Great job!
- Gar! - Yeah?
Two minutes.
- I gotta go. - Honey!
- Honey, I got to go, I got... - Honey!
- Janice! - Yeah.
I'm taking Gary in the back.
Look, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way.
And I get it, you're naked, you're vulnerable but this is a safe place, you know.
No need to resort to cheap theatrics.
We're better than that, right? We're artists.
So, let's just keep it dignified.
Look, kid.
If you don't smile, your mom doesn't buy any prints and I don't get paid.
So, suck it up.
All right, baby. You like it when I'm bossy?
Okay! Okay.
Work the feet. Show me those gums! That's it, baby!
Holly, these are amazing.
Well, I can give you 20% off on prints if you order today.
- Oh, my God! I am so sorry. - Okay!
That's okay. It happens.
You know the last guy who threw up on me?
You know what I did? I married him.
You're so good with kids. You should have one of your own.
Yeah. That's kind of the plan.
Well, don't wait too long. You don't wanna miss your window.
Right.
Yeah! Let's get you cleaned up. Yeah.
What do you got?
Some wine, cheese and crackers, your favorites.
That's a real treat.
So what's the movie anyway?
Dirty Dancing.
All right! That's a good one. Yeah.
What are you...
I would like to propose a toast.
Okay. But you haven't had a drink in two years.
I just...
I think we should take a break from trying.
And just be us for a while.
All right. I'll drink to that. Sure.
To us.
And if that doesn't work we'll do three rounds of IVF.
And if that doesn't work,
we'll just adopt, which will be great,
because I have no fears, genetic or otherwise.
To us.
To not snuffing out the flame.
- Okay. - Okay.
What are you doing? Oh, my God! Are you gonna go for it?
You're going for it. You did it.
You just... You crushed it. You crushed a glass of wine.
Oh, my God, I'm wasted.
Yeah, I bet you are!
It's so good. Why have I wasted two years not drinking this?
Oh, my God! The Big Pig is here.
- I didn't even get a tweet! - All right, people.
It's swine time, let's go! What do you want, bud?
Yeah, give me two carnitas tacos and a jalapeno fritter.
Good man. You have your cardiologist on speed dial, right?
Right? You do, right? Hey, girls.
How are you? Best meal on wheels right here.
Tell that to my cheese and bacon panini. Total foodgasm.
Bacon?
Have a good night.
Bacon.
You know what? I'm also gonna get the Georgia Dog Special.
- Yo, chef. Where're you going? - Two seconds.
I added to my order. Do you think he heard it?
I can't do anything with gloves on.
What can I get you guys?
All right, excellent choice.
Hey! What do you think you're doing?
There's a line if you want to order.
The only thing I'm ordering is for you to stop serving bacon, okay? Pig's our turf.
Oh, my God! Your turf?
- Yeah. - Is this West Side Story?
Are we gonna rumble at midnight?
You know what, maybe I got a whole gang of back-up dancers
- just ready to go, okay? - Wow!
You're the cheese truck, so stick to cheese.
- Can I order now? - No! Just give me one second, please.
That's funny, 'cause I noticed that those jalapeno fritters you guys are serving...
Are awesome, right? They're my invention. I made them.
They have ricotta cheese in them.
Come on! That's like a little bit of cheese.
That's nothing compared to the bacon crutch
you're propping these sandwiches up on.
They're paninis, they're grilled peach and blue cheese paninis,
with a dash of bacon.
Also awesome. Also my invention.
All right, you wanna go? Let's go. Your special against my special.
Whoever sells the most tonight, wins.
- Fine. - Fine.
All right, if I win, you have to have a drink with me.
And if you win, you may have
- three drinks with me. - That's cute.
So you can stand me up again? No thank you.
That was five years ago. But that's sweet you still remember that.
I'm impressed, Rosie.
I'll see you in the field, all right?
- It doesn't keep me up nights. - Sure.
Who's that?
This guy from high school. Total player.
I'd play with that.
Don't be gross. Don't be that girl.
You're not still hungry, are you?
I don't know. It depends on what you got left in your picnic basket.
Dr. Cooper. We're in a public place.
I know. It's all so unscheduled.
I win.
What did you think was gonna happen?
Well, I asked you to prom first, all right. And then you said, "Maybe"
- so I decided to ask someone else. - No, I didn't...
Yes, you did. So I asked someone else. Then you said, "Yes."
So I tried to take you both. What's so wrong with that?
- I'm not saying it worked. - Fine.
I blocked out most of high school anyway.
Hey. Where'd you get this guy?
I fought a grill and the grill won.
Why'd you fight the grill? It always wins.
- "Chef hands." Occupational hazard. - Yeah, guys love it, though.
- Do they? - Guys love burned hands.
Yeah? Check this out. Okay.
First time breaking down a pig when I was 16.
- Five stitches. Five. Yeah. - Five?
- That is adorable! - I wasrt asking your opinion, that's okay.
- That is adorable! - All right, I wasrt asking your opinion.
Look. A deli slicer nearly took my whole thumb off.
All right. Second-degree burn. Making caramels.
- Your own fault. - Yeah, I know.
Home-made is the best, though.
- So good for you for trying. - Never again. Never again.
- Julienning shallots. - Julienning shallots?
'Cause Julianne, ex-girlfriend, right there, she got me.
- Julianne. I see what you did there. - I know.
- That's good. - Yeah? It was good, right? I saved it for you.
Whoever she was, you probably deserved it.
What? You are so mean. Are you always this mean?
- Always. - Is that your gift?
Always?
Okay.
Okay, Trouble. I'm gonna go.
- You're gonna go? - I'm gonna go.
- It's been super real. - Where do you think you're going?
- It's been great catching up with you... - Yes!
Formal handshake. Good to see you.
Maybe I'll see you on the truck line
- again sometime, right? - Yeah.
Yeah, Rosie Brennan.
- Your hands are on my waist. - They are on your waist, aren't they?
How did they find themselves there? I don't know.
This is really awkward, isn't it?
Well, if you don't stop me, I'm just gonna kiss you.
Is that gonna be okay?
This is me getting in my car.
This is you waving goodbye.
My zipper's stuck.
Is that our alarm?
What?
- Yeah. Definitely. - No, I think our car's that way.
No, it's this way.
Water feels so good.
Good, baby.
Do you want some tea?
No.
Are you sure you're not freaking out?
Seriously, I mean, just say so. I can handle it.
Freak out's a little strong.
I really thought I had a bum fallopian tube.
- I just don't wanna force it. - Hey, Crazy.
I wanted to be with you before you were pregnant.
This just speeds things up a little.
- A lot. - So?
We're old enough. We love each other.
What's to figure out?
Apart from what are you gonna do about your show?
Well, we start filming in three weeks
and I'll be finished before I have to deliver.
So, basically, I am going to be helping people get thin while I get fat.
What are you doing?
Yeah!
- Shit! My tattoo! - So what?
You're not gonna be the only mom out there with that Spring Break dolphin. Trust me.
But those other moms aren't getting judged like me.
Good call, Holly. "I'll never get tired of a dolphin."
I'm not tired of it. I smile every time I see it.
Oh, God! Stop!
Let's do it.
- Let's see. - Okay.
No, no, no!
What? No!
- Even our wedding photo? - I'm not taking any chances.
Okay?
Be normal.
And you're planning on bringing the baby home here?
- Yeah, we're... - No.
No, this is just a rental.
We're buying a house, a really nice house.
A big yard, one story, no pool or sharp edges of any kind.
Yeah, we're moving into a padded cell.
And why did you choose Ethiopia?
Honestly, we would have been happy adopting from anywhere.
We were on a waiting list for Guatemala, but then they closed their adoptions.
So we started researching Ethiopia and we just...
We just really fell in love with the culture.
Plus, all the white babies were taken.
You're a comedian?
- No. He's not. - No.
- He's not even funny. At all. - Yeah.
What he does is, he actually picks songs for commercials for an ad agency.
- Great health insurance. - Yeah.
They're working on a big ad for Delta Air Lines...
Well, we're bidding on it. It's not a done deal yet.
And how's the photography business?
Well, I'm still waiting for the Guggeneim to start collecting my work.
But until then, I'm shooting at the Aquarium.
And, you know, it pays the bills.
"All the white babies were taken"?
What?
Cookie?
No, thank you.
So you think we're looking at a year?
Well, every case has its own timeline. You just have to be patient.
But on average, yes, a year. Maybe more.
More?
I could work with that, right? Yeah, that sounds good.
So does that mean you like us?
I don't see any red flags.
But you need to baby-proof if you're going to stay here.
Yeah. Of course.
Do you have a wedding photo?
The Ethiopian authorities really like to see that in the packet.
- No. - Yeah, we do.
- Of course we do. Yeah, we do. - No, we don't. We lost it.
- Yeah. We do. Where is it? - No! No! No!
I think it's right here.
Vegas. It was a costume wedding.
I was Prince, Holly was a showgirl.
He loves Purple Rain.
You know what, why don't we just say it got burned in a fire?
Good one.
- Here. - Thank you.
Wendy, can I go on my 15-minute Facebook break?
Wendy?
Are you dead?
Hey.
Man, I was dreaming that I had a kangaroo pouch.
That sounds awesome.
It was like a purse. I could hide my snacks in it.
You're like a human-kanga hybrid.
I like to rub my breasts, too.
Gary! Gar Bear!
Gar! Gary! Gar Bear! Gar!
- Wendy! - We're pregnant!
I'm with child! We're pregnant!
- Oh, my God! - We did it!
My balls work! My balls work! Oh, my God!
Keep it in your lane, people.
I did it! I did it!
- We did it! We're gonna have a baby! - We made a baby!
Shit!
Rosie, hurry up! I need my lucky bra for my interview.
Ro!
Two seconds, that's all I wanted.
What's her deal? I thought she finally got laid.
I don't know.
I love these hardwood floors!
This is it, baby. It's so perfect. This is the one.
Are you insane? We're not buying, we're just looking.
You want the house or the baby?
I want the house for the baby.
We can't afford it.
- Hi. - Hi.
Hi.
Look, this is it. This is the one we have to get.
We're just looking.
- Stop worrying. - Okay, okay.
It's just, he gives me a hard time when I'm late, you know.
Don't let him get into your head.
Yeah. Okay. You're right. He can't ruin this. Not today.
No.
So, Dad.
Wendy and I have a little announcement to make.
- We're pregnant! - We're pregnant!
Oh, my God!
Isn't that great?
- So are we! - What?
You're... What, are you... Are you kidding?
Yeah, hell's bells. I guess it's congratulations to all of us.
Holy... I had no idea that you guys were even trying.
- We werert! - No.
Now, look, son, there's no blanks in this pistol.
Boom!
You guys, you've been trying for quite a while.
What two, three months? Something like that?
Two years.
Not everything's a race, Dad.
- Gar. - No.
- Yeah. Right? - No. Not everything.
Only things where you can come in first.
- Okay. - Come on.
Gary, let's celebrate. Let's go to Margaritaville.
- I don't wanna go to Margaritaville. - Come on.
I don't wanna go to Margaritaville.
Everybody wants to go to Margaritaville.
- I don't wanna go. - Come on!
I'm gonna break out the Don Julio "Blank-o."
"Blanco," Dad. "Blanco." That's how you pronounce it.
And it's 11:00 a.m., kind of early for shots.
- It's 5:00 somewhere. - True.
- Don't be a pussy. - You know what?
Margaritaville is abierto for business.
Wendy, I just have to say, I am just so happy to have a baby expert in the family.
Are you feeling anything yet?
Joy.
- Yeah. - Some exhaustion.
A little nausea. Some heartburn. And my boobs are killing me.
Plus, I have to pee every five minutes.
But it's just proof that a miracle is happening inside of me.
So I'm so happy.
It is a miracle, isn't it?
I mean, I thought I'd have to give up my Pilates, and my running
- and tennis and my strip-aerobics. - Sure.
And kickboxing, just all my activities.
But it just turns out I have all this extra energy.
- You know? You know? - Oh, yeah.
Plus,
I'm like crazy-horny.
- Okay. Okay. - I mean,
if I even get a whiff of Ramsey, it's like I just have to pounce, you know?
And I gotta give this old boy credit.
He's still got that race car engine that can go the distance.
- Hormones. What're you gonna do? - Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know. Maybe not talk about it at brunch?
- Yep, that's what I'd do. - That's what I'd do, too.
We're on the same page on that one.
Honey, I know you can't have any
- so I'm gonna do one for you and the baby. - The baby!
Sweet.
- Here's to the Coopers. - Yeah, you know what, what the hell.
Yeah.
Well, that was delicious.
Honey, I didn't make any of it. You know Ramsey don't want me cooking.
- Your mom and I... - Not my mom.
We sure wish y'all could stay longer.
Yeah. That's the thing. It's such a bummer,
but the missus and little Mini Cooper and I,
we have an appointment.
- Yes, at... - Walmart.
- For paint. - Yeah. And mulch.
Well, you know what they say. Money isn't everything,
but sure keeps you connected to your kids.
- So how much you need? - Dad, I don't need any money.
- I don't need any money. - Come on. How much you need?
No, I don't need anything at all. Thank you so much.
- Man pats. - Man pats, that's great.
Come here, baby, give your mama a kiss.
- What? - Okay...
- Baby. - Okay.
My baby boy. I'm so proud of you. You've grown up so fast.
Okay, Gary. Gar.
- What? Yeah. - Okay.
- Awesome. This was so much... - All right. We'll see y'all later.
Yeah, great, this was a thing, you know?
- Congratulations! - Yeah, congrats.
- Come back soon! - Don't ever kiss her again.
Well...
Okay. Are you sure you took the test right?
You pee on a stick. It's idiot-proof.
No, I know. It's just, you know, one time.
Yeah.
So what do you want to do?
I don't know.
What do you want to do?
Look, I don't know.
I just found out, okay? You're the girl. Don't you get to decide?
Great, great. So then it's all on me?
No. No, I didn't mean...
Shit. Should we get married?
"Shit. Should we get married?" Yeah.
No, it's just, when you put it like that, that's...
I'm sorry, Rosie. I'm just trying to do the right thing here.
- I didn't mean to... - Then don't ask the wrong questions.
- Just forget that I said anything. - No.
Just forget it 'cause I'll figure it out. Whatever it is, it's not your problem.
- Rosie! - It's fine.
I have to get back to the truck anyway.
There he is!
Perfect. Okay, guys, look right here.
Big smile.
Aristotle! Good smile!
Okay, beautiful. You can pick up your prints at the kiosk at the front.
All right, everyone. Aristotle needs his down time.
Okay, can we all wave bye-bye?
Bye!
Thank you, nice friend.
So, how's Alex? Is he excited?
Yeah! Yeah! He's...
No. Actually, he's... I don't know.
I don't know. Maybe he's just not ready.
- They're never ready. - Yeah.
Dude's group.
- What? - Dude's group.
It's like Fight Club,
only there's no fighting, everybody has babies,
they don't talk about what they do there.
I don't know what they do there and I don't need to know.
All I know is that Craig started going when I was pregnant with Henri
- and he's losing his shit. - Yeah.
Now, he loves being a dad and he never misses a Saturday.
You want Alex ready? Send him to the dudes.
Your blood pressure is low and you are in good health.
- And Dad's gonna keep you that way, right? - Right.
- Look at these pamphlets. - Thank you.
That's all we need to know. Let's not go crazy with the research.
I love research. It soothes me.
Well then, you'll love the wall. I'll see you both in a month.
Wow!
- Look at the wall! - No, no, no, no.
I don't want to know about everything that can go wrong.
Oh, my God! Look at this.
Okay, there's breast-feeding, we have to know about this.
Cord-blood-banking, this is very important these days.
You need to learn the Bradley Method. And... What?
"Circumcision: Yes or No?"
Of course. How is that even a question?
Actually, a lot of couples are choosing not to circumcise these days.
- Interesting. - Who said that?
The expert, honey. So clearly, there's a question.
- That's why it says "Yes or No?" - My answer is "Yes." Yes! Yes!
- My answer is, "I need to read about it." - No more...
See you tomorrow, okay?
I'm not gonna forget it.
Can I get a "I can do it"? You can do it!
- I can do it! - Who are you doing it for?
Oh, my God. Damn, this show gives me the munchies.
This is the beginning of the rest of your life!
I so wanna do that slide-y thing.
I feel so bad, but it's hilarious.
- No, no, this is just so funny. - I hope they're having fun.
- Hi. - Hi.
Marco, this is Courtney and Molly.
- Hey. Nice to meet you. - And vice-versa.
I thought you said "Cute Marco." Not "Hot Marco."
Well done, Rosie.
- Well done. - You said I was cute?
- Ignore them. - Yeah, we did.
So, you're going, right?
No, I'm not. I've already got friends.
- But these guys all have babies. - Yeah. That sounds terrible.
Craig goes. You like Craig.
I tolerate Craig at a barbecue. Not as a forced play date.
- Lf you go, just once... - Holly, I am trying to work here, okay?
- Oh, my God! - I'll give you one right here, right now.
Really?
- Right here, right now? - Yes.
Hey, Craig.
Alex, Vic. Vic, Alex.
Welcome to Happy Hour.
Let's walk.
I sense your fear, Alex. It's cool.
You're still on the other side.
Stay on that side, Alex.
This is the side where happiness goes to die.
Don't mind Craig. He's had a bad week.
Kara just took a three-day business trip and little Henry there just got sick.
- Here you go, big boy. Walk it off. - Thanks.
By the way, when we're around Kara, it's still "Henri." "Henry's" on the DL.
- Henri. - You got that, Alex?
It's very important. That's the first rule.
- Don't talk about what we walk about. - Rule #1.
Got it.
See, Alex, women pretty much control the baby universe. And why not?
They carried the damn things, pushed them outta their vaginas.
I never used to use that word for that part of the body but, trust me,
once a baby comes out of it, it's a vagina.
- Yeah! - It changes.
Here, we're free. No one's looking over your shoulder.
If you put the diaper on backwards or forget to heat the bottle up,
you go with it.
If you wanna ditch those carrot sticks and feed your kid McNuggets
- you go for it. - Who cares?
And if your wife named your kid "Henri"
and you wanna ignore that silent-H bullshit...
- Bullshit! ...you're in a safe place. What's up, Henry!
- Good to know. - Henri. What is he, a mime?
Where does "Henri" come from anyway?
- Cirque du Soleil. - So dumb.
It looks like you've got your hands full there.
Yeah, I got four under five.
One more, we can run a full court. Two more and I got pallbearers.
I got Evander here. Venus and Jeter are my twins, and my main man Jordan.
Sure, twice a year, I think about the price of college and cry in my car for a half hour.
But then I punch myself in the dick and get over it.
- I can go for four more. - Really?
Come on, Jordan. Keep up.
Craig, do you have some sunscreen?
Relax. Sunburn is full of vitamin D.
- Guys! It's Davis! - Totally!
- D-Bone! - Hey, big guy!
Fellas.
What's up, bro?
Offspring. New guy.
What's up, man?
- Everybody good? - Yeah, man.
So, D-Biscuit, haven't seen you hanging around. Where you been?
- Costa Rica, bro. - Central America, classic.
I had to do some work.
- Really? - Working it.
- "Work!" - This lucky bastard's a surf photographer,
- travels all over. - Sweet.
What?
Costa Rica.
The mountains of Costa Rica.
Whoa! Whoa!
That's classified.
Gotta watch it, Davis. That one looks like a wife.
She got "wife eyes."
"Girlfriend tits," but definitely "wife eyes."
I've got to get better pictures on my phone.
Your phone ain't the problem, bro.
Come on. You guys are the ones living the real dream.
I will Freaky Friday with you anytime.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Patel, what's the Camaro situation?
- You ready to sell that bad boy or what? - Never.
- Never? - Yeah.
Ask him when was the last time he drove it.
Plus, you can't even get a car seat in that thing.
Patel's wife wants him to trade in his '69 Camaro.
We have bets on how long he can last.
Gabriel, I understand you've embraced the minivan, and that's your journey,
but I don't want to drive a vagina on wheels.
My vagina seats seven, comfortably.
I've been in it a million times.
Plus, Patel test drove a minivan last week anyway.
- What? - So?
That doesn't mean anything!
I look at houses with Holly, but we're not buying one.
- Bro, bro, bro. - What?
When your wife says you're just test driving minivans,
you're buying a minivan.
And when she says you're just looking at houses,
- you're buying a house. - No, I'm not.
- Oh, yes, you are. - I'm not buying a house.
Check your receipts.
Welcome to escrow, bitch.
No, thank you. Have the Breast Day!
Janice! Janice!
- You're not gonna believe this. - What?
You are looking at one of the keynote speakers
at the next regional ABC Kids Expo.
- Shut up! No! - Yes!
You're living your wisdom!
I know!
- She's speaking at the Expo! - I'm speaking at the Expo!
At the Expo, about the breast pump And the lactation
Sorry, I just... Sorry.
No more cell phones. Landlines only from here on out.
I am protecting my miracle.
Actually, that was my cell phone.
Hey, guys. I'm sorry. Can I just borrow Alex for two secs?
- What? - This is it!
- Already? - Yes!
It's supposed to be a year. Or more!
You got lucky. I'm sending his pictures now.
His name is Kaleb, he's six weeks old.
We don't have any family medical history and probably never will
so you two will need to consider whether that'll be an issue for you.
- Well... - It's not!
- Okay. It's not. - It's not.
Great, I'll leave you to it.
Oh, my God! Alex, look at him! He's gorgeous!
Can you feel it?
We're gonna be a family.
Oh, yeah. Real soon.
- Here, let's take a picture by the sign. - All right.
Okay, make sure you get the sign and the house.
And us.
It's a boy.
- Wow! - Honey!
I just peed myself a little.
A girl.
- Yes! - A mini-me!
- We want it to be a surprise. - It's okay. We don't have to say.
Evan, I'm pregnant. That's surprise enough. We wanna know.
It's a boy.
A boy! That's so cute! I love boys!
It looks like it's a little early to tell.
That's okay.
She looks good.
- It's a boy, Dad. - Well...
He kinda looks like the Loch Ness Monster to me,
but I'll take your word for it.
He's beautiful, y'all.
- Thank you. - Now I will see your baby,
and raise you one more.
Twins!
Twins.
- Oh, my goodness! So great! - God.
Can you believe it? Two!
Two número unos.
- And you got the 4-D ultrasound video. - Yeah.
Don't you kinda wish you'd done it now? I offered to pay for it.
So, who wants dessert?
I do! Park it here.
- I don't know if you take it right off... - What? Maybe you don't.
- Take it easy. - Wow!
Two! Two número unos!
Holy shit!
- What? - Whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop!
All right, turn to the side.
Flash me the belly. I want to see it. Come on.
I know. I'm finally starting to show.
- I'm gonna take one every week. - Nice.
- Watch you two grow. - That's a good one.
That's a good one, huh?
Little peanut.
I'm really glad you're here.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Where else would I be?
Marco? Wake up.
I'm bleeding.
Reminding, rewinding Removing, regretting
Forgetting
Your smiles at the wake and Your tears at the wedding
Forgetting
It's my fault. I wished it.
Don't say that. It's not your fault. Okay?
I never even felt it kick.
Congratulations. You're off the hook.
Rosie, don't say that. Come on. Hey!
Hey!
Rosie, hey!
We're not a couple.
We've never even been on a real date, you know.
I think we can do ourselves a favor and stop pretending.
Rosie! Hey, it's me!
Tequila shots! Don't judge.
Shit, Ro. You okay?
- Yeah, I want to get inside. - Come on.
Fighting fit.
All right, that's perfect. Let's see the bump. That's great.
- Turn to your right. - Can we hurry this up?
He's pushing on my bladder.
Great. All right. We got it.
Okay, but did you get my rack?
Because I am gonna need evidence that I had these.
- We've got proof. - You got it? Okay.
Yeah. That's great. Thanks, Jules.
- Jules, that was great. - Thank you.
We are so excited to have you as our Spring cover mom.
Me, too.
Listen, can we just try to keep it positive?
You know, there's a lot of articles out there
that make women over 35 who are pregnant feel like crap.
- Right. - And I just don't want...
- No, it's gonna be so... - Sorry, I've got to take this.
Hey, you. Did you watch it?
That circumcision video you sent me? Give me a little heads up next time.
I was eating lunch. Now I'm scarred for life.
Yeah, gross! Nobody needs to see how the sausage gets made, Jules!
I'm not gonna let somebody hurt my baby like that.
Jules, trust me. He's not even gonna remember it.
It's not even medically necessary.
And besides, it actually makes the penis less sensitive.
That's why you do it. Give the kid some endurance, a fighting chance.
He's perfect as he is. I don't get the point. What is it?
Because I'm Jewish?
Half Jewish. Christmas tree Jewish, that's what you said.
But my penis is full Jew. This is my jurisdiction.
Okay, so I have no say in what happens to my son?
Besides, if you had your foreskin, maybe I would like you a little bit more.
How much more?
A tip more.
Look, I would feel shafted if we didn't do it.
Can we discuss this weirdness later? I'm working.
Okay.
I love you. Bye.
Love you, too.
Well, if it's any consolation, I like an uncut guy.
Yeah, I once banged my way straight across Eastern Europe.
It was fun.
I don't know, man. Out of the blue, I got this call and suddenly...
- Jordan! ...we got this baby.
- That's right, you got a baby. - It's not good.
They said it was gonna be at least a year or more, all right?
And that's the one thing you can count on with adoption, right? Time.
I need that time to save, to get ready.
There's no such thing as ready.
You just jump on a moving train and try not to die.
- Great. - What's up, man? You terrified?
Because you should be.
Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna get to the hospital room.
And she's gonna be laying there with her legs splayed wide open.
My woman gave birth doggie-style.
They can do that, you know.
And then out is gonna slide a little miracle.
Half you, half her, your DNA all mixed together in one magical baby cocktail.
The best day of your life.
That's sweet, but Alex here is adopting.
Yeah, do it that way. No fuss, no muss.
Come on, Jordan!
- What if he hates me? - He will.
I mean, what if he tries to kill me in my sleep when he's 15?
Well, then I guess you're not a very good father.
That's normal. That's like every Greek tragedy.
- Yeah. - Come on, guys.
I'm serious, okay? I need help.
Dude, you're gonna be fine.
You've just got to get over your fear of babies. They can smell fear.
Like bears or wives.
You need some practice. Here, hold Henry for a second.
- No, no, no, no, no! - Do not do that.
- Do not touch his baby! - Shut up!
That kid is a grenade, and he will go off.
You know what, start with Evander here. She never cries.
No, I'm cool, thank you.
She fell off the changing table last week, didn't make a sound.
You dropped your kid off a changing table?
How was that even possible?
It's very possible.
It's much more common than you think. But you know what? Rule number two...
- We don't judge. - No judging.
Stuffjust happens, okay? Last week my kid ate a cigarette.
I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday.
I picked up the wrong baby from day care.
Found my baby swimming in the toilet.
And for the record, the roll-off did not happen on my watch.
- Dodged a bullet. - No judging.
- Come on. Come on. - No, really, that's okay.
- Come on. Come on. Here you go! - That's all right.
Good catch.
Take her back.
Take her back!
I hope that adoption agency has a return policy.
Big help, guys. Glad I came out.
It's Davis!
Davis! Davis! Davis!
- Yeah, bro! - D-Bone!
- What is up? - Boom.
S'up fellas, kids, Jordan!
Dude, this kid is like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler.
I wish he was that well behaved. He's more like Mickey Rourke in real life.
So tall.
- Been working out? - Yeah.
I missed out on high fives before. I'll take one if you had a spare.
- I got you, Craig. - Thank you.
- Sorry, Davis. - All right, I'm out of here.
Nice job, Craig.
Kara, what time is it?
I've got 20 minutes to make it to the crib sale at Babies "R" Us.
I've been totally cracking out on baby stuff.
Sneaker-socks. I've got my 2-in-1 swing rocker.
What is with the face?
Holly, I'm sorry to tell you this
but we just had our budget meeting,
and I don't know that we're renewing your contract.
I've got to cut down on all my freelancers. You were the last one hired.
Wait. But this is my main job.
We're about to close on the house.
I'm doing what I can to keep you, but it just isn't looking good.
Okay.
- Don't hate me. - No.
Do me a favor?
Don't tell Alex until I can find something else. Okay?
Okay.
- I'm sorry. - No.
And reach! And push. Okay now, break starfish formation.
Let's get back in position. I want opposite sets. Crunch it up.
I want 10 of those on each side. That's 20, people.
And I need a minute. And don't think I won't be watching you.
Keep it moving.
"I'm Not Circumcising My Baby." Well done. Well done. Front page.
Okay, look, I was gonna tell you. I did not say this to them.
They overheard our private conversation. I would never talk to them about us.
Why is this such a big deal to you?
Because I don't think that it's right. And I'm his mother.
And I'm his father. Parenthood is about compromise.
- Well, then compromise, Evan. - I have.
I stay at your place. We spend the holidays with your family.
Yeah, but I have sacrificed my entire body for this.
So that means you just get to win every argument?
No, that means that in every relationship...
What are you guys doing? Come on! Pick it up!
In every relationship, there's an alpha and a beta.
- And I'm the alpha. - And I'm the alpha.
- No, I'm the alpha. No, I am! - No, I'm the alpha. No, I am!
Jinx.
You know, I'm just gonna stay at my place tonight.
Hey, Jules! If you're interested, I never got snipped.
Only one star on the tango last week, Megan,
but the samba's still to come. How do you feel?
I don't know. I don't really care about the trophy.
I'm here for Evan.
Right, Papa-daddy?
Evan has promised he's gonna knock me up next.
She's kidding, Jules.
No, I'm not, Jules. We're gonna be sister-wives!
Evars gonna drive us to worship in his buggy.
Why don't you take a break. I have this.
Thanks.
Okay E-invite, draft 38.
Okay.
"Let's shower Wendy and Gary Cooper with light and love
"to honor the arrival of their Mini Cooper."
That's cute.
And then I put a picture of a Mini Cooper
at the end.
Where did you get the picture?
I stole it from the Internet.
Wendy, shut your pregnant face. You do not want to see this.
It's okay. She's my mother-in-law-ish. Shit, hi!
Wendy, hi!
Skyler, hi!
Look at our bellies.
We are like twins! Except I'm actually having twins.
You really love to remind me about that every time. Hi.
I just came by to personally invite y'all to our baby shower.
Wow, this is your shower invite.
Look, I know that Ramsey and Gary have not always gotten along so well
but we are family. Okay?
And it would just mean the world to me if y'all came.
Of course, Skyler. That's... You...
Wow!
What is it?
It's Mini Coopers.
Beep beep!
Beep beep! Beep beep...
You know, because there's two of them and there's two in here, and they're pink.
Yeah.
So, Skyler, seven months. How are you feeling?
With the side effects, you know. Because I know that
at this point in the pregnancy, acne and
bleeding gums, constipation, it's all totally normal. Totally normal.
When my sister was pregnant, she got herpes.
No, that's... She didn't get... Not from being pregnant.
No, I feel so whole.
You know? And just feminine. With all this life running through me.
I felt the exact same way when I had my phantom pregnancy.
Don't pay attention to her.
But, yeah, I mean, I just... It's beautiful.
But what am I saying? You know exactly what this is like.
Totally.
Well, I just came to drop off that little invitation.
And I'm gonna go to my pregger 'lates.
Sounds pregger-ific.
- All right, one more time. - Bring it in.
Okay. I'll see y'all there?
- Yes, I will tell Gary. - Okay. Thank you.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Hey, Wendy, do you mind if I take one of these?
- What's that? - Holly Castillo Photography.
Ramsey's been on me about getting one of these pregnancy portraits done, so...
Well, Holly's the best, so she'll make you look amazing-er.
Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye!
I mean, look at her. No cellulite. Not even in daylight.
She's wearing six-inch heels.
God, she's like a magical pregnancy unicorn.
Gary is gonna shit a sideways brick when he sees this.
Hey, come on! We started Mini Cooper. That's our thing.
We own it, right?
All right! Thank you. Hey, a little heads up, America.
- Do we have to watch this? - Yes.
While we send these four home to train on their own before our live finale
some of our previous seasons' contestants are going to get a little surprise.
That's right. I'm gonna be dropping in on some of you guys
to see how you're keeping the weight off. You've been warned.
They can't get someone else to fly around and do these interviews?
I don't like you traveling this late.
Nobody's asking you to stop doing your job.
Besides, these are my contestants, Evan.
I was there when they lost the weight and I want to be there for them now.
You're pushing yourself too hard, Jules. Especially at your age.
Wow! Thanks. That's super-supportive. I appreciate that.
What, I'm not even supposed to mention reality?
I am healthy. I have a low blood pressure. Not that you're helping me any.
Look, I just think someone should go with you and little Jackson there.
Well, you know what, I have my crew,
and you are welcome to leave your show and come along.
And we are not naming him Jackson.
You liked it last week.
Obviously you caught me in a moment of weakness.
Honestly, God, seriously, I sometimes think
that it would just be so much easier if I could do this on my own.
Really? You think that?
Come on.
Evan, we danced on a show for three months together
and suddenly we're supposed to agree on everything?
Fine. Why don't you make every decision about our child's entire life
and just send me an email when you've got it figured out.
Why do you do that, Jules?
I know you've been busting ass with work and getting everything ready for the baby.
- I just wanted to... - Alex, about work.
- There's something that came up... - No, no!
No shop talk tonight, all right?
I just want to remind you
that even though we're gonna be parents, we can still kick it old school. All right?
Alex and Holly style.
Surprise!
Happy Baby Shower, bitches!
Might as well face it You're addicted to love
Listen to that. Someone call the cops. They're murdering a song.
- I know, it hurts. - Literally.
I love it when you call me Big Poppa
Throw your hands in the air If you're a true player
I love it when you call me Big Poppa
- We should have another baby. - Oh, yeah!
Come on, you gonna sweat that weave out tonight.
We got our twins. Let's go for triplets, all right?
No, no, no, that's baby juice!
To us.
To actually getting Rosie out of the house!
In something other than stained pajama pants.
I'll be right back.
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