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(speaking French)
(rolls down window) (wind whistling)
Hey, Dennis. You escaped?
Paroled.
Time flies.
You got a light?
Got a smoke?
(Speaks French) ...Dennis.
(Rain pattering)
(Dennis spits)
(child humming a tune)
(stops humming)
(Dennis scoffs)
(loudly) Why?
(Mouthing words)
(sighs)
Woman: Wake up.
She's asleep.
Don't tell me you quit.
You've been dead over a year.
Nobody told me.
I'm telling you.
Hey.
I will not get caught twice.
That's not how I want to live anymore.
Why does she hum like that?
She's practicing.
She does it all day long.
The only time she sees a real piano is in a church basement.
Oh.
They dust the hymnals while she plays.
Just let me stay a little while.
Come on.
Dennis, no.
Then let me see her at least.
You're dead.
She's asleep.
Hey, let me stay...
tonight.
Oh. (Chuckles)
Is that--?
Is that Rene?
Ouais.
Why are you kissing him?
Rene is going to ask me to marry him,
if Marie ever agrees to a divorce.
(Scoffs)
What makes you think that?
He told Michi.
Are you all in love with him or something?
That's-- that's none of your business.
Rene is not a thief.
Rene is a thief. Ex-thief.
He never had the stomach for it,
or the heart. Or the head.
You just don't really know him.
I've known him my whole life.
Well, then you should know he's not a thief.
(Shouts) What do you call this?
Michi: Maman?
(Speaking French)
(thuds)
(turns on faucet)
(turns off faucet)
(door closes)
You don't want me to be a thief?
I will stop being a thief.
What would be left of you?
How did I die?
Cancer.
Doctors were never exactly sure what kind, but...
you suffered
a lot.
Of course I tried to keep Michi from the worst of it.
Maman?
(People chattering) (phones ringing)
Dennis: Monsieur Tremblay?
(Speaking French)
Um... English, if you don't mind.
You caught me in the act of losing all hope, huh?
Water is not enough.
They-- they told me to see you.
Then they must have told me to see you,
Monsieur... Girard, Dennis.
(French pronunciation) Girard.
Girard. Ay.
Gir-- Girard.
Um, Gi--
ah, there you are.
Voilà.
(French pronunciation) Dennis Girard.
(English pronunciation) Dennis Girard.
Tah! (Chuckles)
Fresh out of the can, I see. Yeah.
I need a job. Teh! Good luck.
What? Terrible economy.
So what am I supposed to do?
Uh, I'd rely on family if I were you.
I don't have any family.
Then you might try living off the land.
I don't have any land.
You know, I don't even have anywhere to live.
You also need to stop being so negative.
Listen, you.
I'll see you next month.
Ooh.
No, four weeks from now is one day past Christmas day.
Okay. I'll see you the Wednesday following.
Okay, so if there's no work here,
I should go somewhere else, huh?
Well, except you can't.
Federal statute forbids you leave the district.
Listen, you.
You have a great month
and a very merry Christmas.
(People chattering)
Man: They're not too bad.
(TV commentator speaking English)
Fuck.
Is that you?
Hello, Dennis.
Welcome home, Dennis.
What are you drinking?
Scotch. It's scotch.
Jackie, glasses, scotch. Ah.
You're back.
Jackie: Rene, ici.
Good for you.
Why didn't you call me?
I called my wife.
Technically she's not--
Jackie: Oh! Dennis: Fuck!
(Man and Jackie speaking French)
Dennis: Yeah. Yeah.
(Jackie chattering in French)
I need a job.
I've gone straight. Me too.
There are no jobs.
What do you do for money?
I bought a truck, you know.
I get jobs with it-- this and that.
It's nothing steady.
Oh, it's straight, but not steady.
So what are these jobs?
Selling Christmas trees in New York City.
There's money in holidays. I did it last year.
You got her that refrigerator selling trees?
Half of it.
Yeah, okay, good. I'll go with you.
I already got a guy who goes with me.
Yeah, me. No, you don't--
I do it with Huge Antoine.
He's hooked up down there. I get the trees.
All right, we'll all go.
No, you-- except we don't need three guys.
We need two guys. It'll be a lot easier with three.
Yeah, but I just-- I don't think it's a good idea.
You know what I don't think is a good idea?
Me with no home, no money,
no wife, no kid, four years in jail
and then finding out I died from some shitty kind of cancer!
All right, look, let me see what I can do, all right?
(Instrumental music playing)
(truck engine stops)
(truck door slams)
(door opens and closes)
We load trees tomorrow morning at 9:00.
Pick me up at the Timmy's on Chemin Calamar.
Woman: Ah, Rene. Okay.
Trois mille. All right.
Okay, salut. Bye. Salut.
Joyeux Noel. Joyeux Noel.
Dennis: How much? Rene: 3K.
Rene: That's wholesale price. Dennis: No shit.
Rene: We've gotta pick out the trees.
Just gotta go down. They're right down there.
Dennis: That's where they are? Rene: Yeah.
It's got my name on it and all.
Dennis: I don't see no goddamn Christmas trees around here.
Rene: Where's the truck? I don't know. You parked it.
Rene: Where did I park it?
(Dennis and Rene grunting)
I just need a second here. All right, yeah.
Take your time.
I've got insane stamina.
I've been doing Stav.
Stav made its way into prison culture yet?
Probably not.
It's a Norwegian art form-- a Norwegian martial art form
discovered by a Norwegian in the '90s.
Guess what kind of mythology it's based on.
Norse-- Norse mythology.
It's got all these rune stances, you know?
Fe.
Ur.
R-U-N-E stances.
Bjork. I know it's-- but it is--
Dennis: Where did you get the 3K from?
Rene: It's a loan till we come back with five times that much.
Dennis: Each?
Rene: It's Christmas trees, Dennis, not heroin.
By the way, we're not equal partners in this.
This isn't the land of 50/50. It's the land of 70/30.
Dennis: Oh, no, this is the land of 60/40.
Rene: You're on my land, Dennis.
Dennis: I never dealt in heroin, you know.
Rene: I never said you did.
I don't miss looking over my shoulder every second of the--
money-- that's the great, big--
Therese, bless her-- she's got the steady--
you know, she went back to school...
You want this next exit up here.
...to be a nurse's aid. Isn't that something?
She looks after old people in their houses.
It's this one up here, okay? After her first day of work,
she came home and she made me promise to shoot her in the head
the day she turns 65.
I said, "Okay, Res, okay."
Because that's love.
It's this one right here. Go, go, go.
Guard: How are you doing? How are you?
Good. Passport.
Oh, yeah. There you go.
Rene: You having a good night?
Having a good night.
Rene: That's great.
Guard: So that's you, huh? Yeah, unfortunately.
(Laughing)
Yeah.
Well, that's it. That's my house.
I sleep in there.
It gets a little lonely, but it's not too bad.
Gosh, it is cold out here. How do you do it every night?
Unbelievable. That is impressive.
(Laughs) Guard: Yeah.
What, is that 45/55? What?
The blend on your uniform-- 45 wool, 55 poly?
Don't touch me, sir. Oh, sorry.
Fabric content is something I'm very interested in.
My skin is sensitive. I can't wear wool.
Wool socks-- forget about it.
A wool scarf-- that makes me want to rush off
to the nearest guillotine, you know what I'm saying?
My mom, when I was little, used to put me under this wool blanket.
She said, "Rene, you gotta sleep under this.
It's gonna keep you warm."
Go back to the cab, sir. Sure thing.
By the way, I really appreciate what you do.
These trees haven't been inventoried.
I would consider it a Christmas kindness if you picked one out for yourself.
Please go back to the cab, sir.
I'm going back to the cab.
And I don't care how big it is either.
Grab a big one for your kids.
Okay.
Move it.
Mwah.
It just seems cruel to keep it locked up in an apartment all day.
And that's what I told her to tell the nurse-- Lucy, you know.
You gotta-- it's not like a chair.
It's a dog, you know.
You can't expect it to tell itself it doesn't need
to take a piss when it clearly does. Please shut up.
It's not like a chair. Shut up.
It wouldn't do that or even couldn't. Shut up, shut up,
shut up, shut up, shut up.
Please.
I just-- I love 'em, Dennis.
I just love 'em. Shut up.
I do.
(Phone ringtone playing) ¶ Kiss me, baby
¶ Like you love me...
Hey, answer that. ¶ Reach out from the sky above me... ¶
Answer it. Christ.
It's her. What?
It's Therese. Well, answer it. I'm driving.
No. ¶ Kiss me, baby, like you need me-- ¶
Hey, Res. How are you?
Yeah, I'm, uh--
hey, guess who's here with me.
(Mouthing words)
Uh, uh, no, no.
Um, Antoine couldn't make it this year.
It's a friend of a friend of Oscar's.
No, he's an-- an Inuit,
Inuit friend of a friend of Oscar's, yeah.
But, you know, he grew up around trees, so that's good.
He-- he can really help out. He knows what he's doing.
Yeah. You know what?
Can I call you when I'm not driving my rig?
(Chuckles) My rig.
I'm glad.
Good. I'm glad when I can cheer you up.
Yeah, okay.
There's no trees there, you know.
Where? Nunavut.
Where's that?
Where Oscar's best friend the Inuit lives.
(Laughs) Trees. Fuck.
I didn't say "best friend."
Oh, man.
(Dennis grunts)
Dennis, why are you with me, huh?
Why are you coming?
I want money-- money on the up and up.
I'm gonna buy Michi a Christmas present.
Oh, really? A present from a ghost?
What do ghosts give for Christmas? White sheets?
She would like a present.
Dennis: What, this is it? Rene: This is it.
This is it.
Dennis: This is garbage.
This is where you were last year?
Rene: You know, we should probably get a good night's sleep,
start on everything tomorrow.
We've got a lot of work to do.
It's gonna be a good month, Dennis.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who's gonna guard the trees?
They're fine. They're in the truck.
No. No. Someone could break in. (Phone rings)
We're totally fine.
Hey.
How are you?
Hey, guess what-- they still don't have stars here.
What are you doing?
She asleep?
Hey, I left something for her.
Will you put it in her room?
It's an Advent calendar.
Yeah, she can eat chocolate.
She can tell you about baby Jesus,
then count down the days till I get home.
I know. It's gonna be tough.
But I'm gonna be coming back with some major dollars.
Okay. Dream good.
Hey, if you need to pee or poo or anything,
you can use Nick's Restaurant on the corner.
¶ When someone very dear
¶ Calls you with the words "everything's all clear" ¶
¶ That's what you want to hear ¶
¶ But you know it might be different in the new year ¶
¶ That's why, that's why
¶ We hang the lights so high
¶ Joy
¶ You loved it as a kid
¶ And now you need it more than you ever did ¶
¶ It's because of the dark
¶ We see the beauty in the spark ¶
¶ That's why, that's why
¶ The carols make you... Sit anywhere you like.
¶ Cry
¶ Joy
¶ Joy...
Are you a customer? ¶ Joy...
Kristoff! Come here, you moron.
You can get one pee for free, man.
You do not get two.
You hear me? What does that sign say?
Jeez, I heard it all, man.
Customers only, man. Customers fucking only, man.
Get the fuck out of here.
Bring me some money!
¶ Tinsel on the tree
¶ Yes, I see
¶ The holly on the door
¶ Like before
¶ The candles in the gloom
¶ Light the room...
(traffic humming) (children chattering)
(police siren whooping)
(spray can hissing)
(Christmas carol playing quietly)
Woman: Hey. Man: Hey. Monica, right?
Tabar-fucking-nak.
Monica: Nice to see you.
(Chattering continues)
Hey. Hey.
Monica: It smells so good.
Yeah. That?
Just a little taller.
Oh. Oh...
(carol continues playing) Man: Crank it.
(Increases volume)
Man: Another $25, I can deliver it.
Man: Oh, it's such a pleasure doing business with you.
(Chattering continues)
Man: That's 200 for that one.
Man: You got it. Man #2: Thank you very much.
Man: Enjoy. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to you.
Ah!
Shit. Rat.
That's it.
Hey, are you okay?
(Panting)
Dennis, come-- no, no. Dennis.
Dennis, no.
Man: Hey, you have a customer.
Season's greetings. Looking to buy a tree?
Uh, no. Uh, looking to sell them.
Yeah.
We were here first.
Oh, man.
Yeah, I'm so sorry.
It's just we've been coming down here the last seven years and--
May I ask where you're from?
Originally? Mm.
Chevy Chase. But we tree out of Bennington.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
See, I-- I just got out of Hochelaga CCC.
Do you know it? I don't.
It's a penitentiary in Quebec, Canada.
Crazy. Yes, sir. Yeah.
But right now I'm trying to go straight,
you know, for the very first time in my life.
Wow. Good for you.
You know, Laird's brother just got out of rehab.
He was in rehab for oxy--
Which I cannot do
with you right here across the street.
Oh, I don't want to have to do anything that I'll regret.
Well, I don't really know what you're saying,
but we're all set up, you know.
We're already moving bush and we're just gonna stay put.
Sorry.
Okay.
Good understanding, bro.
Hey, what the fuck?
You are gone,
or whenever I want, I take this
and I saw right through your little fucking neck.
It'll happen so fast,
you won't be able to open your fucking eyes.
Now you see that guy over there?
I'm gonna get him to help me.
He just waved at me.
He just-- Yeah, well, that's what he does.
Season's greetings
from Canada.
Did you say "please" at least?
You know, if they call the cops, we're done.
Oh, he won't.
I wouldn't be surprised.
Oh, that's all you ever are is surprised.
Hey! Ho! Ho! Ho! Hey!
Argh.
Trees!
That was terrible. Woman: "Trees"?
I'll take care of that from now on.
(Women laughing) Woman #2: "Trees!"
We need to hydro--
We need-- I'm g-- I just want--
(distant car alarm blaring)
Christmas trees!
Can I interest you in a tree?
We've got Christmas trees.
You don't want that tree. Why would you buy this--
(sniffing) That isn't even real.
Ugh, that smells like a fire hazard. Hey!
These are more than just Christmas trees.
These are memories. (Sighs)
Get over here and smell some memories.
(Distant siren wailing)
(women chattering)
Whoa.
I see a naked woman in that apartment.
(Chuckles) Oh, Dennis.
Oh, we got some naked jigs.
Man, New York.
New York City at Christmas, Dennis.
(Radio hissing) Radio commentator: Where you saw
the Flyers and Penguins obviously some...
(hissing stops) Dennis: Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Rene: Oh, yeah? Dennis: There you go.
Commentator: ...right there, two teams that really
just can't stand each other... Dennis: All right.
(Wind whistling) (Rene shivering)
Radio commentator: ...the NHL this year,
obviously are a very big cause for concern.
Canada is in a recession, isn't it?
Rene: Trees!
Ho, ho, ho!
You need a tree?
Come on, look at 'em. Smell 'em.
'Tis that t-- jolly time of the season.
Are you looking for a tree? We've got trees.
(Russian accent) I've got eyes. Yeah, they're an amazing color.
What, are they purpley-brown? No.
Regular brown. No.
Blue. Go away.
Idiot.
Eh, she'll be back. You watch.
Want to buy a tree? Fuck off.
(Michi speaking French)
(wind whistling)
(people chattering)
We need wood.
Hey, what are you doing? Rene.
Christ's sake. Hey, put it back.
No, God da-- put it back!
We've been here 10 days and we have sold nothing.
We could have hit three stereo stores back home
with half the trouble.
(Scoffs) Coming here is the stupidest thing I ever done.
Yeah? Well, I disagree.
Yeah.
Last year we barely broke even.
And I nearly got pneumonia twice.
Going straight is 10 times the work
and you make about a million times less than the bullshit we used to do.
But you know what else? What?
You don't go to prison.
(Scoffs)
Oh, wow.
You really are a dumb, dumb...
fuckhead, Rene.
Therese was right about you.
Sorry?
You're a criminal.
With a small dick.
Nobody wants to sell me tree?
Okay, don't sell me tree.
Oh.
Oh, hey.
Sorry, the other guy's not here.
And what is wrong with you?
What? Nothing. Why can't you sell me tree?
Yeah.
You got light?
Light?
(Tower bells ringing)
You got biggest, best tree? Mm-hmm.
You're liar. Vermont guys three block over got--
they have biggest, best trees.
Mm-mm. But I feel so lazy.
No sleep last night. There.
Woman: Yes, good.
Maybe.
How can I see this?
Give me that. I got it.
There you go. Okay.
Yeah? How much is this?
Oh, uh, $20.
(Laughs) Ay, no. $15.
$15? This $200 tree.
What? Yeah.
But, you know, then I do the thing with you
and you give it to me for $175.
Okay. Yeah.
I got money. I need it delivered.
Oh, uh, well,
I-- I can't leave the lot right now.
When can you? When the other guy gets back.
Very soon. Okay.
The house is Van Toller Street, number 192.
192 Van Toller Street. Here.
Very good. Thank you. Good. Thank you.
Dennis: Uh, sorry, what about the money?
First tree, then money.
I know what people like you are like.
(Sighs)
(gasps) (chuckles)
I was just talking to this man
who says he hasn't eaten anything
for the last three years of his life
except bananas and vegetable broth.
Says he's never felt better.
Guess what.
I brought you something.
You know, you really hurt my feelings when you called me a fuckhead.
Now you should have some of this.
All right? Just--
where are you--?
Dennis, come on.
Where--?
Where are you going?
De--
hey, did you sell a tree? Did--?
Oh, yeah.
Amazing!
Dennis: Hi there. (Door alarm beeps)
You're lucky I still suffer the insomnia.
(Panel beeps)
Okay, come in, please. This way.
And remove your shoes.
Where I am from, my father cuts down Christmas tree himself
in Chernyayevsky Forest.
This is before they shot him to death, of course.
This way.
You have family?
Yeah. I mean, I'll be going back to them, yeah.
You should put it here by window.
Dentists like to show off all their acquisitions.
Olga, how many times must we tell you?
We are not dentists.
I am periodontist, she is oral surgeon.
Yeah.
(Gasps) No, fresh painted!
Fresh. Oh, sorry.
Ugh. (Sighs)
Guess what color dentists choose.
Guess.
Dentists. I don't know.
Enamel.
(Laughs) Pshh.
No fucking imagination. (Chuckles)
No. Wait here.
Get this. (Rustling)
Ah, they're here.
Here we are.
Oy.
I got it.
(Footsteps approaching)
You like this piano?
Uh-huh.
It plays beautiful music.
But I cannot say the same for me.
You like Rachmaninoff?
Hmm?
(Playing piano)
This is not Rachmaninoff.
(Clicks tongue)
Arthritis.
Don't I look too young for joint issues, huh?
Okay, we do this.
Here, please this way. Okay.
In here.
(Sighs) Okay. Here.
Okay? Yeah, just get it...
Olga: Down, down, down, down, down.
Dennis: Is it in?
Yes. It's there?
But it's not in center.
Up, up, up, up.
Dennis: Like that? Down, down.
Okay, now screw put in.
(Grunts)
Olga: Yes, we can screw-- Ow.
Okay, good.
Oh. Oh.
You okay? Here, sit.
Sit. Okay.
Okay.
If you're going to throw up,
do it in tree stand,
not on hardwood floor.
Okay?
(Distant children playing)
Morning. Here.
Sorry. It's okay.
Have this.
Okay.
Here, this is yours.
Thank you.
This.
Tip,
courtesy of dentists.
Thank you.
120.
Woman: Thanks.
Dennis: Merry Christmas.
What's that?
It's for the money. What money?
From the sales.
I'm gonna keep the key
and you record the sales.
We should be Quebecois.
It might help.
(Rene with Quebecois accent) I go to cut down this tree
behind the humble shack
that I call home in the Motherland.
I see a butt of a bear.
He's in-- what do you say? --Hibernation.
I don't want to wake this bear,
so I do what any resourceful Quebecois lumberjack does--
I put the silencer on the axe.
I have a tree so pretty, it look like your twin.
Together, you look like the Mona Lisa
and the Mona Liser.
Man: Oh, fuck me.
Hey, we moved, okay? We moved.
Man #2: Hey, hey. Dennis: Get out of the way.
Man: We don't want--
That's fine. That's it?
Man #2: What the fuck?
(Saw grating)
She home?
Who? Our naked neighbor.
This is about the time she usually gets back.
I thought I saw her on the street the other day
but with clothes on. It's so hard--
Hey.
Hey, it's me.
Yeah? Aww.
I miss you too.
By the way, I meant to tell you,
I found myself in a conversation with a male nurse the other day
and we got on the subject of footwear.
And he swears by this brand called Fushies or--
no, Kushies with a K.
Kushies. Yeah. Yeah. I think so.
He said expensive, but it was totally worth it.
Yeah, he said he had his pair for, like, three years or something
and that they were like new. And you know what?
I looked at them and they did look completely new.
Dennis: Hey, what are you doing?
Rene: You know, there's this naked woman who lives across--
I'm just taking this to Nick's.
He's gonna help us with business.
Dennis: Oh, you're not giving away our trees.
Let me call you back.
Love you too.
Dennis: We've sold one tree so far.
I've sold one tree so far. (Chuckles)
Rene: Yeah. One.
We're on a roll. Oh?
Don't fight it. This is a business.
You-- what kind of trees are these?
Christmas trees.
Right, but what kind? Are they firs?
Are they pines? What kind?
I don't know. It doesn't matter.
We're-- we're not selling trees. We're selling a mood.
We're selling a feeling, you know?
The tale of two Quebecois
with the joual and the tuque
and the tobacco-stained teeth... (laughing)
...who snowshoed their way here
and spread their winter carnival vibration.
You're kind of sickening. I tell you, the joint has crushed
whatever little left you had in there.
I'm taking this to Nick's, all right?
It's gonna help us with business.
Don't worry, I won't be gone for very long.
Ha! Yeah, gone. Exactly. That's you.
I never would have had to go to prison
if you had just shown up.
No. No.
Dennis, I gave you plenty of warning.
I told you that I needed to stay home and help Marie.
Yeah. It was a safe job and you were the safe cracker.
That's where you needed to be.
Which is why you shouldn't have gone in alone.
I told you.
I had to. I have a family.
Oh, no. Don't you feel sorry for me.
Too late.
I'm taking this to Nick's. Yeah.
You touch my wife's hair?
What?
Do you touch my wife's hair?
Yeah, of course I do.
I don't want you touching it.
I don't want you smelling it.
I'm gonna touch it.
And I smell it.
And I kiss it.
And I'm gonna marry her. No, you're not.
Yes, I am. No.
As soon as Marie gives me a divorce...
I am.
(Distant choir singing)
Calling collect. Operator: Name of your party?
Therese. And your name?
Operator: Allô?
Rene.
Operator: Rene. (Line ringing)
Therese: Allô? (Operator speaking French)
(operator and Therese speaking French)
Therese: Don't call me like that, cheri.
I could barely say I loved you--
(sighs)
(door slams)
(Quebecois accent) The weird thing is,
last night in my dream,
this very tree leaned over and whispered in my ear,
"Sell me to the guy with a coat and a hat."
Kismet.
Shit.
(Liquid trickling)
(rustling)
You know, she wishes that...
she hadn't done that--
told your kid that you're dead.
(Speaks French)
(Michi speaks French)
Oh, fuck yeah!
We sold five trees today, man.
Five trees. Let's get a drink. Let's celebrate.
No, I'm not leaving the lot.
Every place around here is closed.
I know a girl who lives right there.
She'll be up. She'll give us a drink.
How do you know a girl who lives right there?
From last year. Come on.
Rene: Dennis! Dennis.
Woman: Dennis! Rene: Come over here!
Dennis! Dennis, come over!
Woman: We got you a--
we got you a drink. (Chuckles)
Rene: Come on.
Woman: Oh, I think that was Dennis's.
Too-big tree is tipping over.
(Rene and woman chattering)
At palace of dentists. Oh, hang on.
Woman: Someone was offering me a free scotch.
Rene: I-- I did. (Laughing)
I'll offer you his if he doesn't take it.
Is he your boyfriend? No.
Is she your girlfriend? No.
Then come, fix stupid fucking tree.
Rene: I'm gonna marry his wife, so he's feeling a little mad and sad.
(Rene and woman chattering)
Shoes.
(Dishes clattering)
(Olga humming a tune)
I made you some tacos.
Do you think I am your friend?
Uh-huh.
My friend, you smell.
Huh.
(Playing piano)
(plays wrong note) Ugh!
Accidents will screw me every time.
Better.
Here.
Beautiful.
Yeah. My daughter.
My wife told her I'm dead.
Then you should forget her.
How is dish?
Sorry?
How is stolen candy dish? You liking it?
Hmm? Big Swarovski fan? Oh.
I--
I can bring that back.
Beh. It broke.
Clumsy carpet cleaners knocked it over on exit.
(Switch clicking)
(door opens) (people chattering)
(door closes)
(people chattering)
(Quebecois accent) Have a great holiday.
Excuse me, which one do you like?
Do you like this one or this one?
Both.
Hey, what the hell is going on?
They came. I told you it would happen.
Today is the day. The rush is on.
I will take this one. Ah.
You make homeless tree very happy.
Do you need me to trim those branches?
No, I like it just the way it is.
Excuse me. Excuse me. Okay. Thank you.
I've got a question. I've got these two enormous
vintage cherubs, very heavy. Okay.
I need a very strong tree. Ah, yeah. Dennis.
Yeah. Yeah. Dennis is expert,
herbalist professional. Okay.
He can answer any question you might have, scientific.
Scotch-- the needles
radiate out from the branches. Mm-hmm.
It's very strong. Sharp needles, though.
Do you have children in the house? No.
Because you don't want them grabbing the things.
Why don't you just give me $200
and take whatever tree you want, okay?
Great. You help yourself, okay? This one?
Yes, ma'am. Any one you want. Very good.
Thanks. Thanks.
There's got to be about 1,500 there. No shit.
Put it in the box. Okay.
Where did you get those clothes?
Some dentist.
(Phone ringtone playing) ¶ Kiss me, baby
¶ Like you love me
¶ Reach out from the sky--
Hey.
Marie, how--?
Wow, it's g-- it's good to hear your voice.
Look, if you're calling about this month's--
Yeah?
Really?
Congratulations.
Yeah, I'll sign whatever you need me to sign.
No, I'm-- I'm-- this is-- I'm pleased for--
hello?
(Sighs)
Marie is giving me a divorce.
I didn't even take her on a honeymoon.
(Scoffs)
(woman grunts) Delivery?
Hi. Could you find that nice French Canadian man?
He told me when I found my perfect tree, he'd wrap it for me.
(Customers chattering at once)
I'm very, very sorry, sir.
It'll just be another five minutes, okay?
God damn it.
Here. Huh?
Oh, no, thanks. Not right now. Thanks.
Hey. Shit. God damn it.
Hey! Hi.
How much?
Uh, 50 bucks.
(Woman scoffs)
Hey, you know, it cost a lot to get them down here.
I want a tree, Mama. Shh.
Um, okay, come on. Let's go.
No, I want a tree, Mama.
Come on, let's go.
Dennis: Sorry.
You have heart like Putin.
You're the one who told me what to charge.
What to charge the haves, like dentists.
Habs?
Haves. ¶ Kiss me, baby...
I have this. I have that. ¶ Like you love me...
I have tickets to Knicks game. ¶ Sky above me...
I have everything.
(Ringtone continues)
Olga: I have Dolce & Gabbana underwears.
(Phone stops ringing)
Yeah? Yeah.
That should be on there.
¶ Kiss me, baby, like you love me... ¶ Man: Here.
Dennis: Thank you. ¶ Reach out from--
Man: Merry Christmas.
Woman: Christ loves you!
He loves you, each and every one.
Dennis: There you go.
It's bare. You know, you can trim the bottom off a little bit there.
¶ From the sky above me...
(ringtone continues)
Okay. (Mumbles)
(quiet song playing)
Fuck you very much.
Five trees--
50, 50, 50, 150, 172.
That's all the guy had.
Thanks, Nzomo.
If I need you tomorrow night, I'll let you know.
Okay?
¶ Kiss me, baby, like you love me ¶
¶ Reach out from the sky above me... ¶
(ringtone continues)
¶ Kiss me, baby, kiss me slow. ¶
Hello.
Christ.
I knew it. And why are you answering his phone?
Uh, he's not feeling well.
Is he all right? Yeah.
It's just some kind of, you know, sickness.
Well, put him on the phone.
He's-- he's sleeping.
All right, well, have him call me when he wakes up.
Hey, how is she?
She's fine.
You should really put her out of your mind.
Your parole officer called here.
Oh, really? Did you tell him I was dead?
No, I told him you were working.
He said, "You're kidding," and to wish you a merry Christmas.
You know, if you get Rene into some kind of trouble--
Therese, Therese, I told you I'm straight.
And you should really think about that.
Just have him call me when he wakes up.
Hey!
Dennis: Hey!
Merry Christmas, tree man.
(Shouts) Rene!
(Mumbles)
¶ Kiss me, baby, like you love me ¶
¶ Reach out from the sky above me-- ¶
Still sick. Therese: Oh, you're lying.
Terry. You always say "Terry"
when you're lying to me.
Why would I lie for him?
He just needs to sleep it off.
(Sighs)
(footsteps approaching)
Dennis: You know, the bottoms on these kinds of firs--
they-- they droop sometimes.
You have to trim them.
Right, I owe you 25. Let me see.
(Rene clears throat)
We may have moved into the land of 45/55.
Dennis: Okay.
All right.
Merry Christmas. Same to you.
Sorry about that. Merry Christmas.
He's a bit, you know, under the weather.
You got that? Woman: Bye.
Don't put any sugar in the water, okay?
It's not gonna help. The tree's dead already.
Oh, look who's here.
You know, I should inventory the trees again.
I haven't done the count in, like, two days.
And I swear we're running short a few grand.
Do you have any idea how we could be running short a few grand?
Oh, no.
How did you pay for it? I didn't steal it.
I know you didn't steal it, because I didn't steal it for you.
I bought it. With whose money?
My money. Where the hell did you get that?
Oh, for Chri-- this is not your money.
This is not anybody's money until we were d--
you stole it. No.
Oh, yes, you did. No.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. No, no. No, no, no. No.
All you said-- all you said was that I keep the records
and you keep the key.
I don't need a key.
We need a tree. A good one, yo.
Yeah? Big or small? Uh...
Hey, why did you tell her I was sick?
She didn't know where you were, so I made something up.
For her, not for you.
Ha! Not for you!
A fake-looking tree would be good.
How do you do it?
As fake and as perfect-looking as possible.
Dennis: I mean, seriously. Do what?
Get away with it all. Dennis.
I'd like a medium-sized one, you know,
with perfect proportions. Pamela Anderson.
Exactly. Oh.
I got the tree. Come on. How-- how--?
Come on. How do you get away with all this
goddamn wonder, innocent bullshit... Oh, you know...
...goddamn fluffy-bunny-rabbit crap?
I cannot believe anybody buys it,
let alone my own fucking wife!
You know what, Dennis? I took it pretty good
when you hit me in the face back in Quebec.
I bought you a drink, if I remember correctly.
I didn't say anything when you wanted to come down.
I understand. You need cash.
But I'll tell you something-- I'm gonna marry Therese.
I told you. I told you that the whole time.
Thief. What, did you think I was kidding?
Guys, sorry about the drama. Come here.
Check this one out. Thief.
How about this?
I like it. I'm kind of turned on.
Thief! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Fucking-- Take it easy.
What's your problem, pal? What is wrong with you?
He stole my wife. Rene: What?
Is that true? I'm marrying her.
Customers: Aww. That's fucked up.
He was in prison for four years.
I was looking out for her. Things happened.
Yo, you stole his woman while he was in the joint.
That's even more fucked up. Right.
And-- and he doesn't even miss her.
He goes out for three days at a time and he doesn't even miss her.
Of course I miss her.
Oh, yeah? How much? Hmm?
How-- wh--? Uh, would you--
would you endure a dull pain
24 hours a day for the rest of your life
to make her appear here right now?
What, are you 10?
Would you-- would you give up
whatever money we're gonna make
to see her here right now?
I'm bringing the money home for her,
and for Michi, you idiot. Would you--?
And a ring to marry her. That's the point of all of this.
Would you-- would you cut off your own arm and feet
to see her here right now
and-- and maybe hold her in the leftover arm
for, like, 10 seconds
and just lay your face
against the right side of her neck?
Man: Wait, what?
What the fuck are you talking about?
See? You see?
You don't deserve her. Oh, and you do, huh?
What about her? Does she have any say in this?
Does Therese deserve somebody who makes every single person
feel 10 times worse?
I'll tell you something-- I don't blame her.
No wonder she couldn't take it anymore.
(Mumbling) Hey, hey, hey, easy, easy.
Not worth it. Not worth it.
I'm not buying a tree from this lout.
How much do you want for the tree?
That's-- that's a Scotch pine. $200.
$200? There you go.
Don't give him any, all right?
Yeah, bro, and get your wife back.
Do whatever it takes. You get her back.
Dennis: Okay. All right?
You want me to mesh that up for you? No, I'm good.
I like her how she is, man. She's perfect. Thanks, bro.
Dick.
Man #3: Hello?
I'd like to buy a Christmas tree.
Rene: What kind?
One that doesn't look like it was bought by a blind guy.
(Line ringing)
Operator. Collect call.
Your party's name? Therese.
Your name?
Dennis.
(Line ringing)
Michi: Allô?
Operator: I have a collect call from Dennis.
Michi: Allô? Do you accept the charges?
Uh... (speaking French)
Michi: D'accord. Maman!
(Chuckles, sniffles)
Therese: Allô? Operator: Do you accept...
All right, Therese, just listen.
Just listen to me, all right? And don't say a word.
Um... Madame, do you accept the charges?
Hey, it's snowing here. (Operator speaking French)
The whole scene out here-- it looks like--
Sir, she must accept the charges. Like a-- like a snow globe,
you know, when you shake it up.
Man! Madame, do you accept the charges?
Hold on! And, um, the--
Operator: I'll have to disconnect unless the charges are accepted.
Um, the whole thing-- it looks like one of those snow globes,
you know, with-- Sir, I am sorry. I have to disconnect.
(Dial tone)
(panting)
That's it?
(Dial tone stops)
(alarm beeps)
Yes?
Well, Olga...
turns out that God blesses the liars and cheaters.
And?
What the fuck are you doing?
No. You quit.
It is bullshit like this, huh?
Mm.
Yeah.
You've not got much, you know?
No wife.
No kid.
No job.
You should keep lungs, yeah?
(Olga grunting)
You hungry?
Hmm?
Let me see what I got for you.
What I got in here?
Ah, I got borscht. Very good.
Not too thick
like bullshit passing for borscht in America.
(Chuckles)
I do egg salad.
I eat at least one egg every day.
Hey! No!
Egg salad? Yes or no, huh?
No, thank you. Okay!
Okay,
then what do we do for you, huh?
You know where I can find a piano?
Yeah.
(Bell jingles)
That-- that is Yamaha.
Responsive keys, yeah. Oh.
And Baldwin-- nice tone, but costs big dinero.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Are they always white like that? No.
Okay.
Olga.
Vlad! (Chuckles)
Hey.
We both grew up near Gdansk, but we met at a wedding in Queens.
Oh.
Nice to meet you.
Um, sorry, what--
what's the cheapest one that you got?
We have uprights in the back.
Oh. Can I see them? Of course.
I think I stay here
for a little bit.
(Speaks Russian)
(Olga speaks Russian)
(Olga playing a quiet song)
(siren wailing)
(siren continues, honking)
(playing continues)
(speaks Russian)
(chuckles, speaks Russian)
She hates diamonds.
What?
Therese-- she doesn't like diamonds.
She says you're a lousy listener.
She hates diamonds?
She likes rubies.
Where did you get that shirt?
Broadway Shirts.
(Christmas carol playing in distance)
(loud knock)
Rise and shine, cocksucker.
I do well! Here we go. Okay.
Anything you like, you see, this is--
oh, I got tree-- I got tree for you-- this one right here.
This is a strong, is a masculine--
this is man tree.
The trees, you know-- they have a gender.
They have man tree, woman tree. You can tell.
Same with the-- the snow bank.
Rene: There you go.
You have a wonderful, wonderful Christmas, eh?
Okay, bye.
Olga: Hmm?
Oh. Hey.
Uh-huh.
It's tradition on first day of winter
to raise toast-- three months of night.
Dennis: Oh. Olga: Ah.
Yeah. (Laughs) Mm!
Tomorrow?
The day after.
Mm.
For the FYI, I do not...
say good-bye.
I also do not say hello.
Thanks.
- (Glasses clink) - (chuckles)
Sergei Gonchar. Guy Lafleur.
Vladislav Tretiak. Phil Esposito.
Vladislav Tretiak. Bobby Hull.
Dennis: Bernie Parent. Vladislav...
Sidney Crosby. Vladislav...
Gordie Howe. Alexei Kovalev.
Mario Lemieux. Igor Larionov.
Uh, Maxim-- Bobby Orr.
And in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the dead,
Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn
saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved... Olga: Tell-- tell me his name again.
Dennis: Rene. And now we lie In Flanders Fields.
Olga: No, this-- here.
Dennis: Oh, yeah.
Nzomo. Nzomo: I use something like that...
Olga: Nzomo? ...for a comedic monologue...
Dennis: Nzomo. ...for a class I'm taking...
Olga: Nzomo. Dennis: I think.
...at the Queens Community College. Olga: Nzomo.
Dennis: Yeah. Salud, Nzomo!
Nzomo: ...acting. Hey. Rene: Right on.
Nzomo: Hey, salud.
Maybe? Rene: Mmm.
(Singing in Russian)
(Dennis laughing) Oh, man.
Nzomo: I'm going home. I'm going to the subway.
You going? I go.
You go? Where you go?
To the train
to Jamaica, Queens.
Rene: I like it here.
Dennis: Therese hates cities.
I was always trying to get her to move to Montreal.
Rene: You can move there.
Dennis: I'm on parole.
Rene: Oh, yeah. How long does that last?
Dennis: Years.
Rene: I think Marie hates me.
Dennis: You hate that-- when people hate you?
Rene: Everyone hates it when people hate them.
Never bothered me.
How are you gonna stay dead in Massey?
(Dennis snickers) I can't stay dead, Rene.
Rene: Yeah. It does seem hard.
I got a present picked out for Michi.
Maybe you could, uh,
stay in Marie's basement, you know,
till you find something more permanent.
(Dennis chuckles)
Okay.
$20,768.
That's a lot of up-and-up cash. (Chuckling)
I told you it would be fine. Yeah.
And it is.
It is fine.
Oh, this is gonna change things.
Everything. Mmm.
Maybe I'll take Res to Jamaica.
She's never seen the sea.
What are you gonna get?
(Knocks on door)
Man: Hello?
It's the blind man who bought a tree from you.
(Dennis chuckles)
Hey, man. Oh! Oh, you're kidding.
Back away from the money.
I said back away from it! Fuck you.
Rene: You don't want to do this. Dennis: Go fuck yourself!
I will kill you! Go fuck yourself!
If you want me to, I will! Go ahead!
It's Christmas. Nobody shoots anybody at Christmas.
Go fuck yourself! Dennis, give him the box.
I'll blow your goddamn head off! Go fuck yourself!
Denn-- (cocks gun)
Take it! Take it! Just take it.
Now go fuck yourself.
Dennis: Oh, Jesus Christ.
Holy Chri--
(moaning) Oh.
Are you okay? Me? Yeah.
Oh, thank God. Jesus Christ, what about you?
That guy wasn't blind.
(Both laughing)
No shit.
All right, all right, all right.
It was in the box. Huh?
The ring. Okay.
The ring was in the box. All right.
It was in the box. I know.
Dennis. You're all right.
Dennis, the ring-- Rene, come on.
It was in the box. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
God damn! I can't! Hey!
The trees are innocent, man. I can't go home with nothing!
The trees are blameless, man. God damn it.
(Crying) I can't leave with nothing.
I was this close.
¶ Kiss me, baby, like you love me... ¶
(sobbing) ¶ Reach out from the sky above me... ¶
(ringtone continues)
¶ Hold me, baby, kiss me slow
¶ Kiss me, baby... Hey.
¶ Like you need me... Rene: No.
You have to tell her. I can't. I don't know what to say.
Since when? (Ringtone continues)
I'm the one that cheers her up.
Right. Okay, then fuck it. I'm gonna do that.
No, don't. No, no, no.
No. ¶ Like you love me
¶ Reach out from the--
Hey. What are you-- how are you?
Rene, I'm so happy to hear your voice.
Oh.
Uh, yeah, yours--
yours too.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
(Mouthing words)
Therese: Rene? Yes. Yeah. Um...
Yeah, there's something I have to tell you.
Uh...
we were robbed.
Christ, Rene.
Therese: Rene.
Therese: Just come home.
Hi. (Alarm beeps)
What?
No.
It's the only way. No.
Even if I thought okay, no, they're back,
the dentists, from Hole of Jackson.
I thought you said that they were gone till after the holiday.
It is their house. If they want to come back, they come back.
Okay, well, then we're just gonna have to do it after they're asleep.
Believe me, I hate these dentists.
Want to know Merry Christmas I get from them?
"Oh, Olga, we're going to fix your teeth
so they look like teeth of Vanna White from 'Fortune's Wheel.'"
Do they ever fix Olga's teeth? No.
They ski slalom in Hole of Jackson.
Believe me, I hate these fucking dentists,
but, yeah...
You must have Russian blood.
Why? You do what you must.
I'll leave back window open.
It is not on grid.
(Alarm beeps)
(playing)
(playing continues)
(stops playing)
Dennis: Just do everything I tell you to do, like you used to.
Rene: Dennis, I swore to her.
I swo-- I swore to-- you did too.
Yeah, that was before we got robbed of every last dollar.
You really want to go back with nothing?
No, no, no, no. But I can't lie to her.
What the fuck are you doing? I'm threatening to kill you
unless you help me.
And that way, it'll all be on me.
My fault.
Man, that's--
(whispering) Wow.
She regularly let you in here?
That's a testament, man.
This place is nice.
Maybe she liked you.
Shh, shh, shh.
No, no, no, no. Don't touch that.
How do you expect me to get in if I--?
We're not stealing that.
We're stealing this.
You brought me here to steal a fucking piano?
Shh, shh, shh. Yeah.
How much-- how much do you love jail?
No. Do you remember that Sorel job?
It's gonna be easy. Remember that?
We got the whole safe out.
You are a dumb, dumb fuckhead.
Find your own way home.
I promised her one.
Who?
Michi.
You talked to her?
In my head.
I promised Michi a piano in my head.
(Both grunting) Dennis: Steady, steady, steady.
Got it?
Hold on. Hold on.
(Tone reverberating)
Fu--
Merry Christmas.
(Chuckles)
Come on.
I just think it's a really personal decision, though,
if you go with an epidural or you have a natural childbirth.
You know, as long as the baby is born, I suppose.
I read this one thing-- is it Scientology?
Where they have a baby in water.
And they don't scream.
So that the baby isn't brought into the world
with any kind of negative energy or ions.
(Police radio chatter)
Woman: Signs of forced entry.
Looks like there might be some footprints in the courtyard.
We don't know yet.
The piano is obviously missing.
We've got furniture in disarray.
And--
oh, oh, there's books that are stacked in, like--
can I help you? I work here.
We've got books stacked in piles...
(playing quiet song)
¶ When someone very dear
¶ Calls you with the words "everything's all clear" ¶
¶ That's what you want to hear ¶
¶ But you know it might be different in the new year ¶
¶ That's why, that's why
¶ We hang the lights so high
¶ Joy
¶ You loved it as a kid
¶ And now you need it more than you ever did ¶
¶ It's because of the dark
¶ We see the beauty in the spark ¶
¶ That's why, that's why
¶ The carols make you cry
¶ Joy
¶ Tinsel on the tree
¶ Yes, I see
¶ The holly on the door
¶ Like before
¶ The candles in the gloom
¶ Light the room
¶ The Sally Army band
¶ Yes, I understand
¶ So light the winds of fire
¶ And watch as the flames grow higher ¶
¶ We'll gather up our fears
¶ And face down all the coming years ¶
¶ And all that they destroy
¶ And in their face
¶ We throw our joy
¶ Joy
¶ It's why
¶ We hang the lights so high
¶ And gaze at the glow
¶ Of silver birches in the snow ¶
¶ Because of the dark
¶ We see the beauty in the spark ¶
¶ We must be all right
¶ If we could make up
¶ Christmas night.
(Slow piano music playing)
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