[FILM REEL CLICKING]
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[OVERLAPPING CHATTER AND LAUGHTER]
[MELLOW POP MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[CLINK] [LIQUID POURING]
- And, honestly, I wake up happy.
I mean, I'm that guy.
I've got enough of everything I need.
I'm single, I like a party, and I'm old enough to enjoy it...
young enough to enjoy it.
I wanna do something, I do it.
- [LAUGHS]
- Seems to be a little problem. - Oh.
Must be the magnetic stripe.
And the weird thing is, I know it's all a cliche.
No strings, no obligations, but what's the alternative?
Get into some life: Wife, kids,
some kind of car with too many seats.
That's a world where you have to do whatever it is
other people want you to do to keep it going.
It's prostitution, when you think about it.
But there is this nagging feeling
that I'm missing something.
- Sorry, I don't know what the problem is.
- No, it's not your fault. That should do it.
And maybe, in the end, I'm worrying for nothing.
I mean, I'm not at the stage of my life...
where I have to worry about most of this stuff.
Maybe I never will.
[SIGHS]
I must sound pretty selfish.
Or just drunk.
- This is no good either.
- You're kidding.
Are you serious?
Whoa, come on, wait.
You know I have money.
I just don't have any on me or on my credit cards.
But I get paid all the time, and a lot.
- Maybe next time.
Car fare?
And, by the way,
as someone who's life really is prostitution,
I can tell you that until you're actually fucking for a living,
you shouldn't be complaining.
- Wait a minute, that's not what I meant.
- Thanks for the drink.
Call beverly, if you want to make it up to me.
[BUZZING]
- Good evening.
[LIGHT-HEARTED SPY MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[CELL PHONE BUZZES]
[WHISPERS] oh, shit.
Hello.
Hey!
[THUD] aah! Jesus!
- I have the right to remain silent!
- Wait! Stop!
Ow! [CLANKING, CRASHING]
Look, it's me! Stop!
- I will warn you, I am a yellow belt!
[SCREAMS] - Stop!
Stop!
Stop! Relax!
It's me!
Jesus!
What is wrong with you?
- I heard a noise.
- Ahh. - I'm telling you,
right out there, I heard a noise.
- Everything's cool. There's nobody there.
I swear.
- [SOBBING]
- It's all right.
- [HISTORIC RECORDING OF MALE VOICE] five, four,
three, two, one,
[ENGINES ROARING] zero.
Ignition.
Liftoff.
[GILBERT AND SULLIVAN'S THE MIKADO]
♪ ♪
- ♪ The sun whose rays are all ablaze ♪
♪ With ever-living glory ♪
♪ Does not deny his majesty ♪
♪ He scorns to tell a story ♪
♪ He don't exclaim "I blush for shame ♪
♪ So kindly be indulgent" ♪
♪ But fierce and bold in fiery gold ♪
♪ He glories all effulgent ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I mean to rule the earth as he the sky ♪
♪ We really know our worth the sun and I ♪
♪ I mean to rule the earth as he the sky ♪
♪ We really know our worth the sun and I ♪
♪ ♪
- I guess that's what I've really been
trying to write about.
I mean, who are we trying to fool?
We're not only animals, we're the worst animals there are.
Why do we eat meat?
The greek gods dined on ambrosia and nectar.
But we need to incorporate other species into us.
Look at christianity:
"This is my body, this is my blood."
that's why I'm doing this chapter
about the genocide in rwanda.
The tutsis were vegetarians,
and the hutus were ranchers who eat meat,
and they regarded the tutsis as monkeys, as animals,
and that's why they had no trouble killing 'em,
don't you think?
- Honestly, ben, I don't know why
the farmer and the cowhand can't be friends.
But I do know that part of the reason
why some people regard other people as animals
is because they don't observe the social conventions
most of us take for granted.
- Every human function is disgusting in our society.
- I side with the public on this one.
- [STRAINING] I know what I am...
[TOILET FLUSHES]
And that's an animal.
I'm human, but animal.
- You're wasting a lot of thought on something
that's not gonna get you high or laid.
I always say, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
- you're very wise. - And broke.
- That is so uncool.
- Can't I just take some money back?
I get paid very soon, and when I do,
I'm gonna float you another loan.
Until then, I'd like to borrow back what I leant you.
- Why do you need to leave?
You're just gonna go out there and be part of the machine.
- Hey, that machine is what keeps you
in all... this.
Now, you know there's no one out there today, right?
- Yeah.
- So just hold it together and do whatever it is you do.
- I'm writing a book. What is it that you do?
Fuck it, I'm gonna get the didgeridoo.
- Please, didgeri-don't.
[BOBBY BARE'S DROPKICK ME JESUS]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life ♪
[TIRES SCREECH]
♪ End over end neither left nor to right ♪
♪ Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights ♪
♪ Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life ♪
[DOOR BUZZES]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Make me, oh, make me ♪ - Forgot my I.d.
- wish I could say you look trustworthy.
- ♪ Make me a piece in your master game plan ♪
♪ Free from the earthly tem-pestion below ♪
♪ I've got the will, lord, if you got the toe ♪
♪ Dropkick me, Jesus ♪ - Buenos dias.
- ♪ through the goal posts of life ♪
- Hey, steve. - ♪ End over end ♪
♪ Neither left nor to right ♪ - There she is.
Miss weather center, two years in a row.
- Pretty much the usual.
There's this pocket of cold air coming in,
but you'll see it on the composite.
- I'm gonna talk to dave
about putting a real window in here
so we can see if any of this stuff is right.
- It's right.
- Want one?
- They're poison.
- [SINGSONG] there's two of them.
- ♪ All the departed ♪
♪ Dear loved ones of mine ♪ - Got him.
- ♪ Stick 'em up front in the offensive line ♪
♪ Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life ♪
♪ End over end neither left nor to right ♪
- God, you cut it so close.
- Thrilling isn't it?
- Nice to see you, mr. Dallas.
Victoria, looking lovely and authoritative.
Kyle, you wanna blow your nose and avoid a repeat of yesterday?
- You said it wasn't a big deal. - I say a lot of things,
like, did I mention, steve, glad you could make it?
- Can I get some water?
And is there any way to turn these lights down a little?
- Five seconds.
Four, three...
- [GULPING]
[NEWS THEME MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- It's the channel 18 eyewitness news team.
News at noon, chesapeake edition.
With kyle robertson at sports.
- Do the ravens finally have a kicker?
- Steve dallas in the weather center.
- Beauty of a day out there,
and I'm gonna tell you aaaaaall about it.
- And now, victoria riolobos with the news.
- Good afternoon.
Tragedy struck this morning
as a truxton man backed his late-model suv
into a day care center.
One youngster remains in critical condition
after being struck by shrapnel-like debris
during the collision,
but luckily, the rest emerged scathed only by...
- you think the graphic's in bad taste?
- I don't know. Kinda captures the mood.
- She's really solid.
- Unidentified driver is... - [GRUNTS]
- And he's really high. [LAUGHS]
- You know, stu,
you just don't go spreading rumors about people like that.
The man's a working professional.
Lots of people have squinty red eyes,
insatiable thirst, and trouble walking.
He could be diabetic or something.
- You're right, I'm sorry.
- The bearded, bespectacled doctor
murdered at least 26 patients, making him
one of the world's most prolific killers.
So steve, how's it looking out there today?
It's about time we saw some of this warmer weather.
- Well, victoria, let's get things started
with a little shot of the harbor
and some seagulls enjoying the sunshine.
How ya doin' there, fellas?
Today's high will get up to about 65 degrees
with unlimited visibility.
Which means if we could get this knucklehead out of the way,
you could see clear down to ocean city.
Coldest spot in the nation?
Why, that honor goes to... bismarck.
- Smooth as silk.
That seem to you like someone on drugs?
- And at 100% humidity and 89 degrees,
little hilo, hawaii, is both the hottest
and wettest spot in the nation.
I guess that makes it the number one destination
for teenage boys, eh, victoria?
- I guess so, steve.
- So I know I don't have to tell you
that showing up with enough time
for us to know that you're gonna be here
and in a condition to work is 90% of it!
And why the fuck are you paying attention to your computer?
- Are you ever gonna friend me?
- You think you're irreplaceable?
You have this job because you're handsome and you can talk.
- And people trust me. - No one trusts you.
You think you're gonna move to a bigger market?
Not with that nose.
- You know, I could just as easily demean your job
if I had any idea what it entailed,
and, honestly, I kinda resent you making this
so awkward for me.
- What are you talking about?
- Well, I need a little money till the end of the month.
- It's the sixth!
- Look, I didn't say "give it to me."
it's just an advance.
- You know, the good thing is
I know you can't go on like this forever.
- Guys like you count on that, but what if you're wrong?
[ALARM WAILING]
Fire drill? - I really doubt that.
[WAILING CONTINUES, POUNDING IN BACKGROUND]
- I just wanna see my friend!
- Step away from the door, sir. I'm only gonna ask you once.
- [GRUNTS] [WORKERS MURMUR]
- Get off me, you fascist pig!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
- You [MUTTERS]. - Break the door in!
You fucking local dickwad.
- Stand your ass down!
- Wait a sec, I know that guy.
- You what? - I said, "I know that guy."
everybody, calm down. - I have a yellow belt!
- Jesus, ben. Let her go.
[ALARM CONTINUES]
- Told you I just wanted to see my friend!
- I'll p... i'll pay for the plant.
[SIREN STOPS]
- My dad died.
- [MUTTERING] - No, no, no!
- Freak of nature! - Ow!
[OVERLAPPING YELLING]
[BOB DYLAN'S HIGHWAY 61]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Well god said to abraham "kill me a son" ♪
♪ Abe said "man you must be putting me on" ♪
♪ God said "no" abe said "what" ♪
♪ God said "you can do what you want abe ♪
♪ "But the next time you see me coming ♪
♪ You better run" ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well abe said "all right where you want this killing done?" ♪
♪ God said "on highway 61" ♪
♪ ♪
- And could I get some visine, please?
[SCANNER BEEPS]
- ♪ He had a bloody nose ♪
♪ Welfare department wouldn't give him no clothes ♪
- Great. [REGISTER CLICKING]
[ENTRY BELLS JINGLE]
- I mean, would you like your kitty cat to be used as bait?
You have 3 1/2 pounds of crayfish.
I need 3 1/2 pounds of crayfish.
- What the hell is going on?
- I was telling him they're too little to eat,
and we have a strict no-return policy.
- What difference does it make what I want them for?
These are the babies of a species.
You judge a culture on how it treats its children, right?
They were hatched one day
and then raised to be murdered the next,
and I'm talking about one of the most sophisticated
nervous systems in the world.
It's like us, the dolphins, then them.
- 100 bucks.
- You know, anyone who's going fishing today
has probably come and gone.
How about a markdown?
- I don't give a shit.
- I'm not arguing with the spirit of operation crayfish,
I'm just saying it was overfunded.
- It's really beautiful.
I forgot, you know, it's been so long.
- Yeah, I haven't been back since my parents died.
- Your parents aren't dead.
- Well, you know, since they moved.
Because we've been circling our destination
for three hours now,
and my feeling is we should get dressed
and rock this funeral.
- [SIGHS] I think I'm ready.
- Oh! - [COUGHING]
[COUGHING] - Ugh!
God damn! - Ugh.
[IGNITION TURNS OVER]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[TIRES SCREECH]
- [GRUNTING]
Shit!
- I still say it's better than ending up as bait.
They mate for life, you know.
- Not those.
Uh-oh, look. He blew a foot.
Can you imagine if you had to shoot your car
every time you got a flat.
- Those people understand the land,
and they live by it.
I don't feel so good.
- Although sam baker was not a religious man,
he found comfort and joy in his children
teresa and benjamin, and his lovely wife angela.
Now, a reading from the old testament:
Song of solomon.
"Arise, my love, my fair one..."
- look at her. The slutty wicked stepmother.
She wants it all to herself.
[MINISTER CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND]
You can practically see through that dress.
- "And the voice of the turtledove..."
- I don't think so. - "Is heard in our land."
ALL: ♪ shall we gather at the river ♪
♪ Where bright angel feet have trod ♪
♪ With its crystal tide forever ♪
♪ Flowing by the throne of god ♪
♪ Yes, we'll gather at the river ♪
♪ The beautiful, the beautiful river ♪
♪ Gather with the saints at the river ♪
♪ That flows by the throne of god ♪
♪ On the margin of the river ♪
♪ Washing up its silver spray ♪
♪ We will walk... ♪
- I'm sorry.
We got a late start. - It's okay.
It doesn't matter, you're here.
- I just wish I could see him. [SOBS]
- I just wish he could see that beard.
ALL: ♪ gather with the saints at the river ♪
♪ That flows by the throne of god ♪
- Your coat smells weird.
- [SOBBING]
[LOUD ENGINE STARTS]
- I'm just saying,
I think we sort of have to step up
into the role of adults now
and decide what's going to happen with the estate.
I had some ideas,
some of which I actually ran past dad...
so I know he wasn't opposed...
about basically dealing with the store.
[CLUNKING AND CLATTERING]
How are the ribs? - They're good.
They're small, so they're either really cheap
or off a really, really young pig.
- My steak's... [CLEARS THROAT]
Steak's pretty good.
- I'll tell you what looks good is...
what do we got here, ben?
Some deep-fried onions dipped in ranch?
I bet it tastes like springtime.
Boy, that vegetarian lifestyle takes a lot of discipline.
- And the farm.
There's just that cruddy house,
but we're talking about almost 150 acres of land.
- I don't think we should be talking about this right now.
- Jesus, steve, eat your fucking ribs.
- Are you sure nobody wants any wine?
I got the best one on the laminate.
- What are you even doing here? - I'm his ride.
- Look, ben, I wanted to discuss this just as family,
without her and certainly without your ride.
[CLATTER]
I don't think that you're suited to deal with any of this stuff.
And I don't mean that as an insult.
I just know that you've been happy with your life as it is.
And when you consider what the property is actually worth...
- just so weird to be home and to think that he's not here.
That we just put him in a hole in the ground.
- You know, terry, maybe...
maybe now really isn't the best time.
- I'm just saying, you can just sit back,
and I'll take care of you.
- And I'll take care of this.
- To taking care of things.
[ROOSTER CROWS]
[GOAT BLEATS, PIG SNORTS]
- You can stay a night.
You said that guy with the mustache will cover for you.
- Delia? Yeah, she'll do.
She's a good emergency measure, but what am I doing here?
I mean, don't you want me to go home
and water the plant at least?
- I just want all this to go away.
- Look, man, you're gonna have to face it.
Your sister is still a total buzzkill.
- So you'll stay? I've got a sleeping bag.
- I could be persuaded.
- What's that, obi-wan? You want me to stay too?
You got my fucking skates, ben.
- [SNORES]
- [LAUGHS]
- [SNORES AND LAUGHS]
- Hey.
I just wanted to say sorry for your loss.
- Well, that's life, isn't it?
We're like waves in the ocean. We roll in,
we have our existence, we break on the shore.
- Hmm. What a beautiful
and nautical way to think of things.
Now, you might want to shut that window.
We're expecting some showers coming in from the coast.
- I doubt it. Hasn't rained here in a while.
- Well, you're the weather man.
- Look, I don't know if I'm gonna be staying
in the house much longer,
so if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to be by myself.
- Well, if you're interested in leaving right now,
I can get you on the next scheduled flight.
- [LAUGHS]
Thanks, but I try to avoid things
that keep me from feeling.
[GENTLE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[DOOR CLATTERS] - Shh.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ Ah ah ♪
- "Whatever remains of me is hopefully not limited
"to my estate, my belongings.
"Know that what I leave you is in no way
"a measure of my feelings.
"Angela, you are the executor, with all that entails.
"From the first time I saw you in my store,
"leading that field trip of very special young students,
"I knew the power of your soul to heal others
"was surely from another place.
"I would have left the planet long ago
"if not for making love to you,
"the kindness of your curves,
"your moistness in the morning,
my fingers gently..."
- oh, come on!
- Yeah. Wow.
- Again, what are you doing here?
- He's with me. - I'll leave.
- You got to bring him. - He's my husband!
- Please! Can we stop all this bickering?
A man died here, a very rich man.
- [SIGHS] - It's okay, mr. Stevens.
I'll read that part later.
"To angela, according to her wishes,
"I leave the stars in the sky that we shared together.
I would give them to her, but no one owns them."
- is that it?
- No.
There's a bunch more sex stuff here.
- Oh, good.
- Okay.
"To terry, my beloved daughter,
"I leave the lump sum of $100,000,
"and $250,000 in aa bonds to do with as she wishes,
"hopefully for the education of her children,
should she have any."
- had to get that in there.
- "To my only son ben... i'm assuming that you're here...
"I leave my house, my business,
"and the remainder of the estate,
with the hope that he get his shit together."
- what? - You gotta be kidding me.
- That would include the farmhouse and its 144 acres,
the grocery store and its underlying property
on main street... that's the whole block...
and the rest of his assets,
which totals close to $2.5 million.
- Oh, my god. - I need some air.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
- This is total bullshit.
- Jesus, terry.
- Was he even competent when he wrote this?
- Your father was quite lucid.
- I'm sorry, my suit was really itchy. I...
- so I'm not mentioned in there at all?
- It's a lot of money.
- $2 1/2 million? It's more than a lot of money.
- No, honey, I meant the 350,000 for us.
It is. Why aren't you happy?
You told me you thought she was gonna get everything.
- She's up to something. Believe me.
Like she boned a 77-year-old man
for five years for nothing.
- But the will said this is what she wanted.
- Why does she hate me so much?
- It's really amazing. I mean, it's all here.
Pretty much as simple as filling out
some change-of-address stuff.
What's the deal?
You overdo it on the celebrating?
'Cause I just started.
- I don't know. - You don't know what?
This is what we've been working for your whole life:
To inherit this money.
[LIQUID BUBBLING, DALLAS INHALING]
[COUGHS]
[EXHALES]
You know what we should do?
Order pizza.
Call those assholes up at mazzotta's
and say, "guess what, you have to deliver
all the way out to the baker farm."
pay them $1,000 if that's what they want.
"Get in that tercel,
and get that pizza out here now, fuckers."
and they'll do it. - I'm not hungry.
And it hurts my head, all these facts and figures.
- What are you talking about?
You're four credits shy of being an m.b.a.
- I'm not a businessman. I hate businessmen.
- If jerry garcia hadn't lured you away,
you would've been a great businessman.
And who knew there was so much money in a country store?
- I don't want money. - [SIGHS]
You don't have to put such a shitty spin on everything.
Maybe this is your father's way of giving you a chance
to be what you always wanted to be.
- This is my father reaching
from beyond the grave to control me.
The whole thing just insinuates that I'm crazy,
that there's something wrong with the way that I live.
But I'm fine. Everything's fine.
- I'm supporting you. Of course, everything's fine.
Look, I'm the last person that should be saying this,
but what about me?
- How's that?
- What's the difference? - I don't like hurting you.
- Well, I don't like that making a baby feels like chemotherapy.
- Look, honey, your dad just died,
and I'm shooting you full of hormones.
If that doesn't make you crazy...
- [SIGHS] are we gonna do this?
[SIGHS]
- You still look beautiful.
- Thank you.
[WATER SPLASHING]
- Sorry. - I'll be out in a minute!
- So you're really leaving? What are you gonna do now?
- Some friends of mine have a farm in upstate new york.
Maybe I'll go hang out with them for a while.
- Just growing incense and making your own clothes?
Not that you need any.
[CLATTER]
- No, actually, I have a degree.
I'll probably go back to teaching special ed.
- Gotta look out for number one, I guess.
You are so lovely.
- What's your point?
- It's just, I knew the first mrs. Baker,
and she wasn't even remotely in your league.
I mean ever.
- Are you stoned?
- Sure, I'm the weird one.
You had sex with a 900-year-old man.
That barrel chest? Those toenails?
- It probably sounds like a big joke,
since that what love always sounds like
to people like you.
But sam took pleasure
in everything in his life that was real:
His food, his farm, his business,
and, yes, his wife.
- So when you were a little girl and you imagined
being with somebody, that was it?
- [LAUGHS] I can't believe you.
Sam needed me, and he deserved me,
because he was wonderful to me.
- You forget you're talking about someone I knew.
Longer than you, actually.
He stopped talking to his son.
- Ben stopped talking to him, and it broke his heart.
Okay, well, maybe you better run along and get high,
so at least one of us can forget we had this conversation.
[HINGE CREAKS, DOOR CLOSES]
[J.S. BACH'S AIR ON THE G STRING]
♪ ♪
[CLATTER]
- Honey, what are you doing out there?
- Just trying to keep these toys from killing the lawn.
I'll be up in a minute.
- Is something burning?
I smell smoke.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
♪ ♪
[ROOSTER CROWS]
- Morning. - Morning.
I can make you some eggs if you want.
- Now, are they the kind with blood spots in them?
- They're eggs from chickens who walk around.
- So they do have blood spots in them.
- Okay, everybody, are you sitting down?
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit.
I had a... sit!
I had an incredible night,
and I swear to god, it was a visitation,
and, dallas, I can't thank you enough.
- Are you okay?
- I am beyond okay, I'm past okay.
I'm not even looking back at it anymore.
Steve was right, this is my chance.
Of course, I can't do it alone, but I was thinking about
taking the money from the grocery store
and creating an institute where people can come and study
how to regain man's balance with nature.
Horticulture, agriculture, aquaculture.
Angela, you know about all this shit,
and you can give lessons on cleaning
and all that women's stuff. And, steve,
if we're gonna have a society,
we're gonna need a tv station.
You could have the whole station.
- That sounds great.
You look like you haven't slept much.
Why don't you sit down, and we'll have some breakfast
and talk about the plan.
- You understand I'm talking
about fundamental changes to society.
- Mm-hmm. - I'm not hungry.
I have a mission statement to write.
- Is it always like that?
- He usually doesn't make that much sense.
I'll be right back.
Hey, genius at work.
- I'm modeling it on plato's school of athens,
only not the socratic method.
It's more like buddha. You can relax.
I can see what's going on in your face right now.
- It's 1/10th of what's going on in my mind.
- You told me that my father had a plan for me
to do what I wanted, and this is what I want,
and I'm not leaving you behind!
The tv station thing was just off the top of my head.
I want you to know that I'm grateful.
And the way that I figure it,
there's enough for me to keep the grocery store
and for you to have the farm and the house.
And it's not a gift. You've earned it.
- Suddenly, the plan seems more appealing,
but I don't think you're... you seem a little...
- the journey to enlightenment is stressful.
- No, it's not enlightened.
[CAR APPROACHING]
Great, mom's home.
- Why are you still here?
- Why are you so angry?
- This was my mother's.
- I need you to mellow out.
- I need to keep my wits about me.
I wanna get this all down. - Please, you're out of control.
Let's take the edge off.
[LIGHTS LIGHTER] - Great.
This is my wedding all over again.
- What are you doing? This is important shit!
This is a chance to right your life!
Drugs are not the answer! - That's what I've been saying!
- Thank god you're here, because I can't do it all alone.
- Jesus, get out and go away.
I need to talk to my brother. - He doesn't wanna talk.
- Yes, I do, I have a plan. I'm gonna start...
- ben, you don't have to tell her your plan.
- Steve, I would prefer to forego your input,
since it most recently resulted in my brother becoming fat,
unemployed, and growing that superbly antisocial beard.
- Do not talk to him like that. - No, no, it's okay.
You know what, terry? I am gonna get out of your way.
So you can direct that rage where it really belongs...
at your grieving family.
- He doesn't understand what's going on.
The decisions that you make now could secure a real future.
- You don't think I know that? - I'm sorry!
I guess I just got blindsided yesterday.
- It blew me away too!
I didn't want the headache, but then I thought,
"all of this is part of something amazing.
Life stuff, renewal, rebuilding."
- yes, exactly.
- I mean, this chrysalis has served us
as we developed from pupa to adult.
And now, it has to be shed and eaten.
- What are we talking about?
- I really want to utilize this capital
to right some major wrongs,
educate some mysteries, set some ideas free.
- Well, why don't I find a way to manage my finances
so I can support you in eight months,
after you've pissed away what it took dad a lifetime to make.
- I hear where you're coming from, but it's just money.
It doesn't mean dad loved me more than you.
- What?
- It doesn't mean dad loved me more than you.
- He didn't... love you more.
You were the squeaky wheel, so you got all the oil.
And if I were you,
I wouldn't rush off to go change the world quite yet.
- Hello!
Anybody?
I'm gonna go now.
Ben! Ben!
- Yeah, I'm up here.
- Look at you.
Master of all you survey. - Yeah.
- You know, I wouldn't go if I didn't have this job thing.
I'll be out next weekend, I promise.
Plus, you can always call. - Oh, I'll call.
I'll call as soon as I get that big fat check for you.
- Hey, you know, I didn't think you were really gonna do that.
- Hey, buddy, I love you.
- Take a shower, okay?
[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]
- Wait, so you're just gonna leave?
- Yeah, I gotta get going.
It was really great to see you, and thanks for the pie.
- That was for dinner. - I'll be eating dinner.
- No, for everyone.
- You're not as giving as I thought you were.
- I don't want the pie back. I just...
well, I guess you know ben better than I do.
Is he gonna be okay here by himself?
- By himself? What, now you're gonna leave?
I mean, with that poor kid up there?
- So he's not okay? - He's right as rain.
I mean, his father just died, he's got a drug problem,
probably some kind of manic-depressive disorder,
and, honestly, he wasn't that well screwed together
to begin with, but he's an adult,
and I have to go back to do the 4:30 weather.
And though you're under no obligation,
would it be so bad to take another two or three weeks
before you do whatever bullshit you have to do?
- You mean teaching disabled kids?
- Oh, now they're disabled.
Do you have any actual plans?
- I guess I could take my time moving out.
- Great. - You get a week,
and I'm not adopting him.
- Perfect. I'm gonna leave you my number,
in case you have to get in touch.
Did you know I'm on tv?
- [LAUGHS]
Yeah, actually, sam bragged about you once.
- I think he liked you, but he couldn't really express it.
- Yeah, it always came out as "moron troublemaker."
he hated the irish too.
People forget that.
[CAR DOOR CLOSES, ENGINE STARTS]
Okay, now, will you let me know if I run over a chicken?
'Cause the pie's all I can eat right now.
- How long does he stay up there?
- Let me know.
- Hey. - Hey.
How are you holding up?
- [SIGHS] I don't know.
It's all temporary, right?
- Angela, you knew, when you decided to get involved
with a man so much older, it wasn't for life.
- You are so sentimental.
- Okay, alls I'm saying is that you had that experience.
Now, don't be afraid to be with a man your age.
You got a whole time ahead.
- Ben asked me to put these up.
- I have some. They upset people.
- Hey, ma, samuel stoltzfoos is outside.
You have to negotiate the lettuce with him.
- No, listen, I gotta go. I might need my hands.
Okay.
- Hello, terry. - Good morning, sunshine.
- It's hard, huh, without him?
- Yeah, try to keep busy.
- Uh, about ben...
- god, don't stick your nose in that too.
- I'm living with him, terry.
- Nobody asked you to. In fact, I'm surprised
that you didn't blow out of town
on the next guy who came through.
- [SCOFFS] Jesus, that tongue!
I think you just spoiled all the vegetables in here.
- You know, you came into my family very recently
and you started telling everybody what to do,
which was nothing... do nothing.
- That is not true! - You convinced my father
to let a thriving business go to seed.
"These are the good years! Life is for living!"
I mean, christ! A man his age
throwing himself into yoga and guitar lessons...
- you don't believe in growing! - You don't grow!
You're a tumbleweed
who blows around whenever the wind changes.
- Shit, I swore I wouldn't engage.
I gotta go.
- You know, people hide in charity.
- Once in a while, assume other people
are as good as you, not worse.
- They're not.
- How was the vacation?
- It wasn't a vacation. - Oh.
Did you get your eyes done?
- [OVER P.A.] delia got some fan mail, you know.
- Is that right?
- 100 bucks says delta's fan mail
came from a member of the cafeteria staff!
- [OVER P.A.] corporate thinks each piece of mail
represents 1,000 viewers.
- What, did she do a really good job?
- Hey, what was with you
wrestling that bum the other day?
Nicely done.
- So did you know him or something?
- You know how it is. You buy someone a cup of coffee
and suddenly, they're your best friend.
Do I need my eyes done?
- 30 seconds.
- It would be illegal to make them any bluer.
- See, that's what I think.
- Spinach check.
[DOOR OPENS] - You have no whitening trays?
Now I really can't stay.
- God, it must be tough having to win the viewers over
one at a time like this.
- You know, while you were off getting your eyes done
over the weekend, paul flew me to martha's vineyard
to show me this house,
and it wasn't one of those stupid cape cod houses
the tourists love. This was a year-round home
where you could really be a part of the island.
Paul understands the limitations of our job,
and, let's face it, it's a short window
and it's not really based on skill.
- Yeah, I know that. Lucky for me,
my finances have kind of been taking care of themselves.
- Sandwich guy told me you nailed the baseball pool.
- No, really. I'm coming into a little piece of property
up in lancaster myself. I'll probably unload it.
Brian williams has a place up there.
- I don't think so.
Thanks for the ride.
- Which is why I'm sick and tired of the bullshit.
- Excuse me, sorry.
I was just passing through.
- Sit, please. Join us.
Everybody, this is angela, my stepmother.
- Didn't we meet at the plastic bag rally?
Oh, your skin is so white.
- I think we should listen now.
- If we create a non-profit society,
we can reap the tax benefits of said society.
It is gonna be a beginning and an ending
of life as we know it,
and that is why I'm calling it "the omega society."
- I hate to stick my nose into this, but...
- everyone's voice has equal merit.
- "The omega society" sounds like "the omega institute."
it's a holistic organization.
Environmentalism, spiritual rebirth.
- It's total synchronicity is what it is.
Not only is it the perfect name for our society,
but it already exists.
- I think there's an omega society too,
so I don't think legally we...
- justin, it's not about what is legal!
I grew up out here.
There are amish people on three sides of this farm.
They don't vote.
They don't join the army.
They don't send their children to our schools.
When you live off the land and you're honest,
things fall into place!
You are a beacon to that babylon out there.
- My cousin lives in oregon.
Ben's right.
- So I've never seen you at the marriott before.
- Oh, I really shouldn't.
- You just gonna go home and stare at an empty dog bed?
Chester doesn't get home from the hospital
till tomorrow, right?
- His name is "clarence,"
he got out of the hospital today,
and my mom is watching him.
But you sure are a good listener.
- So are you, and a very beautiful one, actually.
- [CHUCKLES] - [MOANS]
- I think clarence needs me.
- Seriously, I'm really fast.
[PHONE BUZZES]
Did you give my number to someone?
- I don't even have your... - Shh, one second.
Hello.
- Ugh.
I really didn't mean to bother you.
Ben's fine, but we just got this registered letter.
Terry's challenging the will.
- Why?
I mean, I know why. But under what grounds?
- Well, it's ben's competency.
There's gonna be a hearing,
and he has to see a psychiatrist.
- Can you believe this?
This morning the bank account was shut down.
It's a classic obstacle to a pioneer.
It's like galileo or che or Jesus.
Every great move has a countermove.
But let me tell you,
my sister's greed is not gonna stop the evolution
of mind and body that's going on out here!
- No, no, no, look, you need to calm down.
Just get a lawyer.
- A law... you think I'm crazy now?
- Go see the shrink.
It's like giving them the money if you don't go.
- I could be my own lawyer, you know?
- There you go.
- I could prepare a brief,
one of those 600-page obstructionist babies.
[LAUGHING] they don't know who they're fucking with.
[PHONE THUDS]
- Hey, you still there?
- Yes.
Any other fires to put out?
- It is just getting more and more intense,
and there are a lot of other people involved now.
- Like you and me?
- No, I mean there are these hippie kids now
and the store and now this court thing.
He just seems very agitated.
I mean, I've been trying to deal with it,
but...[SIGHS] I'm just glad I could call you.
- You can always call me.
- I'm leaving. - [WHISPERING] maybe you should.
- Oh, my god, is there someone there?
- No, I'm alone.
Now.
- I'm sorry.
- It's fine. You're just doing your job.
My job actually.
- I don't really know him.
- He's ben.
He's a blast most of the time.
But you didn't know his mother.
He inherited some things that weren't in the will.
- Yeah, sam mentioned that.
- Probably nothing like the free love,
whole foods thing you grew up in.
- My father was an actuary
for the hartford insurance company.
He died at his desk. I was still at andover.
- Huh. Like, say, about sam's age?
- What? - So you must be loaded.
- [LAUGHS]
Is he gonna be okay or not?
- This is the way it usually goes.
The best thing to do is keep feeding him.
Food is nature's vicodin.
That's good too, by the way, if you have it.
You should finally be getting some rain up that way, you know?
- Hmm. I'm not too sure about that.
Well, good night.
- Yeah, good night to you too.
[THUD] [GRUNTS]
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo!
[HORSE CHUFF S]
- Ben?
Ben?
Is he ready?
- Ben, terry's here!
I can't believe you're doing this.
- Yeah, well, I can't believe you're still here.
Ben?
Benji, we're going to the doctor, okay?
There isn't anything to be...
ben?
Great.
[INDISTINCT DISPATCHER CHATTER]
- Why aren't you inside?
Greetings.
- Sorry to keep bothering you like that.
- I don't think getting a glass of water
is the biggest inconvenience for these people right now.
- I was just explaining my admiration for these people.
They live off the land in kindness.
They don't believe in war or pollution.
I'll tell you, one day, when there's no earth left
'cause we used it up,
there'll be 10 square miles of lancaster county
where god still exists.
- Why are you naked?
- I didn't want that chemical smell on me anymore.
- That smell is not chemicals.
It's b.o., 'cause you have stopped showering,
and you ruined everything I bought you at the gap,
which you loved. - I don't anymore.
- We are going.
This entire incident is inappropriate
and probably illegal, and if I were mr. Yoder,
I would make you pay for the fact
that I missed two hours of farmwork
so I could ride into town on a buggy
to get a cop out here.
- You're wrong! We're having a conversation!
- I don't want to speak out of turn here,
but felty and sarah are not being hospitable.
They're pacifists, and this is how they respond
to being held hostage.
- Gosh, I'm...
I never meant to... i didn't...
- ben, I think you can keep the apron.
Let's go.
Yes, the best way to get the soda out of the bottle
is to shake it and shake it and shake it.
Need a ride?
- Yes.
- Next time, go over to the highway
and get anderson to ring the fire bell for you.
- I will. I apologize.
I might have been in a bit of a panic.
- I am terribly sorry, mr. Yoder.
- I'm sorry to hear about your father.
- Thank you very much. We all miss him, obviously.
- He was lucky to have a long life.
Such a caring daughter.
All he cared about was his family.
Surely, there's no other reason for being on this earth.
- What would you do if you couldn't have children?
- I would pray to god to send them to me.
- What if you don't believe in god?
- Maybe that's why you can't have children.
- [INHALES] [WATER GURGLES]
Honestly, ben, you really fucked me here.
- My independence of mind is obviously a threat to them.
- Them? - Society.
With all their poison.
I'm not putting it in my body.
- And I respect that deep-fried temple
that you've built,
but you have to stop running naked.
- I know. I panicked.
Even the most committed messenger has a moment of doubt.
- Keep that word "committed" in mind.
- Next time.
- Oh, you mean in the courtroom?
Because that's where we're heading,
and they might not stop with the money.
They can force you to take the medicine,
and they can lock you up.
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
We're studying in here.
- Anyone hungry? - Not really.
- I gotta go.
- Ben, you okay?
- I don't know.
I'm feeling a little stressed out.
- I'm stressed out. You're crazy.
Let's use the word freely as if it gives us power.
Good night.
[DOG BARKING]
- I see you've been arrested a few times.
Public outbursts, indecency,
a misdemeanor related to your profession,
which you listed here as "small farmer."
I also see that you've never considered medication.
- Antidepressants? They have been suggested,
as they have been to most of america.
- Well, I was thinking more like a mood stabilizer,
which for most is a very effective
therapeutic solution.
- No need to resist the magic of lithium, I know.
We should sprinkle its salty goodness
over the fries at mcdonald's
until we're dawn of the dead drooling
towards banana republic,
pushing our carts, dazed, through the market,
throwing the meat in,
black blood pooling under so much plastic.
- That's an interesting image.
- Which I wouldn't have if I was zonked on that shit.
I wouldn't feel this hum I've got going,
clear, sharp, and purposeful,
like every ion in my body is vibrating with genius.
- Marijuana is a chemical.
- It's green and from the earth.
- But it's a drug,
a way of dealing with your symptoms.
- Like the drug you get when you go into a restaurant
or come home after work
or offer a stranger the moment they come in your house.
Our whole social system is built around some drug.
Most cultures made beer before they had an alphabet.
- I'm going to ask you some questions,
and you can just tell me yes or no, okay?
Do you experience sensations of things
that are not there?
Do you hear voices?
Are you afraid right now?
- There are times that are wonderful,
and there are times that are horrible,
and the wonderful thing is, right now, I feel alive.
But the terrible thing is that you're not asking me how I feel
about my father dying.
- Oh, well, I was going...
- I feel alone in the universe,
except for steve.
- So why do you think you're here?
- Because I won the lottery.
Everybody's got their hand out.
- Now action back to barry with his suited ace.
80,000 to call to see a flop here.
And he will have to...
[CLICK]
- Yes, yes, you'll clean up later.
No.
Motherfucking god damn damn it!
[SIGHS]
Look at it, it's huge.
Leaves and acorns everywhere.
You gotta get rid of it.
- The building is called "the oaks."
it's the only one left.
- It's just a tree.
It blocks all the natural light.
Plus, it decreases the value of my unit.
I can circulate a petition if you want,
but you know everybody feels the same,
and you gotta be sick of cleaning up all this crap.
- I'll see what I can do.
- Great. That's all I can ask.
- Oh, and, steve, thanks for the oriole tickets.
- Freebies, armin. Don't be impressed.
- I happen to be in charge here.
Stop asking me where the debate is,
'cause I'm not going. - Ben?
- We all agreed on a starting place,
and that's where it's gonna be, and it's not about
who's got the most, it... [KNOCKING]
- Ben, who's in there with you?
- Hey.
- Were you on the phone?
- No.
- My diagnosis, as I wrote, is classic bipolar disorder,
euphoric with schizoid tendencies.
- [WHISPERING] see, I told you.
- So in your assessment, dr. Vincent,
you see mr. Baker as being incapable of understanding
any consequences for his actions?
- Yes.
- That is all we have to say, your honor.
- Uh, mr. Baker,
have you been having difficulty
distinguishing between real and unreal?
- My whole life.
- Hmm.
This is a very serious diagnosis.
Would you describe him
as a danger to himself or to other people?
- Actually, I would say no,
not at this moment.
It is, of course, completely possible.
- Well, I'm prepared to rule on this.
Mr. baker, ms. Coulter,
I have to agree with dr. Vincent's finding
that mr. Baker is...
I'm sorry to talk about you as though you weren't here,
but this 11-page handwritten brief didn't help, son.
He is seriously mentally troubled.
And he's likely to behave with this money
in an extremely irresponsible manner.
But hopefully, he won't, because as long as he's not
a threat to himself or other people, he can
go out and buy the world's largest hat if he wants.
[TAPS GAVEL]
- Your honor, you don't understand.
- Look, your father could have left his money to his dog.
The law is crystal clear.
If the government gets their piece,
the mandates of the deceased are to be observed.
- Ben, I'm just looking out for you, I swear.
- No, I'm looking out for you!
- Every time I think you're crazy,
along comes the justice system.
[UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC]
- Whoo!
Is this great or what?
- Yeah, glenlivet scotch in a shit hole like this?
- I'm buying everything.
Bartender, drinks on the house.
- My man! - Yeah!
[SCATTERED CHEERS]
- I am not buying everybody a drink.
- No, I think he means drinks are on him.
- What did I say?
- Hey, hey.
My mom... my mom just gave me the message.
Congratulations. - Oh, thanks.
It means so much. - Yeah.
- I don't know if you ever met my friend, steve dallas.
Steve, this is zed starkovitch. - Hi.
- He's kind of the chief administrator
of the whole omega society.
- I guess we should be saying congratulations to you.
Can we get another beer?
- To transforming society from within.
To being a tapeworm gnawing on its intestines,
sucking and feeding on the bile and waste,
growing stronger every minute.
- Okay, I'm gonna let you two celebrate.
Zed, can your mom take you and ben home?
- My mom's blind.
- I'm bottling this moment.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Walking on the dark side of the moon ♪
♪ I'm a loser, I'm a boozer ♪
- [WHISTLES]
[BOSTON'S FOREPLAY/LONG TIME]
- ♪ I should be going yeah ♪
♪ And time doesn't wait for me ♪
♪ It keeps on rolling ♪
♪ Sail on ♪
♪ On a distant highway yeah ♪
- You done celebrating?
- You gotta come out here. You've gotta see this.
- Where's ben? - Still hanging out.
Look at all these stars.
Have you seen this?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I have. Pretty great.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Well, I'm taking my time ♪
- ♪ I'm just moving on ♪
♪ You'll forget about me after I've been gone ♪
- ♪ And I take what I find ♪
- Can you dance?
- You can't handle it.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Yeah-ah ♪
[MUSIC STOPS]
- Come over here.
What is this?
- What are you talking about, "this"?
- Don't mess with me. This.
This place and you and you.
Your face.
- [LAUGHS]
I don't know what to say.
- Because you like me.
What?
Kiss me again or slap me or something,
but you've gotta stop looking at me all beautiful like that,
or you're gonna get more of this.
So you'd like more?
- I don't know.
I don't know who you are.
- Ugh. I know it's horrible,
but this is really it. This is who I am.
There's some good in it, I promise.
I have hobbies and stuff. I always pick up the check.
- You're stoned. You're always stoned.
- Actually, I'm drunk right now,
but again, that's part of who I am.
My personal ad: "loves to have a good time."
that's what I mean.
I eat life out of the big box.
I'm not hiding out here in the sticks
or wherever it is you're going to next.
- Doesn't it seem strange
that someone who eats life like you do,
who has it all, is trying to escape it?
- I like you.
- I bet you haven't had an interaction with anyone
in the last ten years that wasn't warped somehow.
My guess is you've got
some kind of free fall going on in there,
but you hide it all under this veil of charm
that people prefer to real interaction.
I don't.
- You think I'm charming?
Just to be clear,
if I'm sober, you're interested?
- Good night.
[GENTLE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- People treat the environment like it's a big toilet.
They can dump everything they don't want,
flush it down, and they're never gonna see it again.
- Who the hell do you think you are?
- Excuse me?
- People get a little bit of money,
all of a sudden, they think everything they say is true.
You're still a big fat nothing.
- What?
- You're just a crazy jack-off
making bullshit plans that'll never amount to anything,
because that's what you are.
Nothing.
[ROCK MUSIC]
Ah! [POOL CUE CLATTERS]
- Who are you?
Who do you think you are?
- Oh, god! - Jesus christ!
♪ ♪
Hey, what the fuck's wrong with you?
- Did you hear what he said to me?
- I just ordered a beer. - Ben, I heard him, man.
That's all he said. - You're fucking crazy, man.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Get after your heart ♪
♪ And hold you gently by your hand ♪
[POLICE SIREN WHOOPS]
- So you talk to the doctor, and I'll talk to slocum.
- He's okay?
- Yeah. Couple of stitches.
- Tell him I'm really sorry.
- Solomon, why don't you have a seat
while your dad and I have a word?
Ben, I'll be with you in a minute.
- I'm gonna get us some coffee.
I'll run you home after.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- You ever read this shit?
I mean, every issue is exactly the same.
- I guess.
- I mean, look at this,
why do you need a toothbrush on a desert island?
Why are you here?
- Because I talk to god.
- Oh, really?
- Why are you here?
- Me? I don't know.
They want me to take some medication,
be like everybody else.
- Solomon, we'll see you again on thursday, okay?
- Ben, shall we?
- [WHISPERING] god wants you to take your medicine.
[INDISTINCT DISPATCHER CHATTER]
[GENTLE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
[CAR DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING]
- Seatbelt.
[ENGINE STARTS]
♪ ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ ♪
- He's still asleep.
- It's incredible that a woman with such a great hangover cure
can be against drinking.
- I'm not against drinking. Do you remember sam at all?
- Have you talked to terry?
- She doesn't know what to do.
- She's just gonna wait till it doesn't look so bad,
which means it's over.
- I think even ben knows that.
- Well, I guess you could come back to the city with me...
and I know what you're gonna say about cities,
but it's annapolis, really not even a city.
- Why would I go with you?
- What about dinner? Can I stay?
Can we think that far ahead?
- What about your job?
- I can't face doing the weather
in this completely unadulterated, unpolluted state.
Plus, every time I leave here, something terrible happens.
- He's a grown man.
I mean, it's admirable, but I don't think
the issues of his life are your problem.
- My problem? You just spent
the last five years taking care of methuselah.
- We were married.
- See, nobody believes in friendship.
People talk about it, you see it on tv...
people drop by, go to the doctor together,
no one eats alone... but most people are alone.
That's the thing about friendship,
it's a lot rarer than love,
because there's nothing in it for anybody.
- They're just two forms of the same thing.
- Don't you want me to stay for dinner?
I'll let you cook. Just go easy on the sherry.
Remember our agreement.
- We don't have an agreement.
Do you like chicken? - Like? Try love.
[LAUGHS]
- Go get one.
- You want me to kill someone at the store for it?
Are you kidding?
- Go on, take it.
You want to be here? Be here.
[CHICKENS CLUCKING]
- Just like picking out a lobster.
[CHICKENS CLUCKING]
God damn it.
[CHICKEN SQUAWKING]
ah, it's okay.
Okay.
[CHICKEN SQUAWKING] it's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
It's... it's all right. It's gonna be okay.
[CHICKEN WHINES]
Who am I kidding?
[CHICKEN SQUAWKING] oh, shit, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry. Oh, fuck. [SQUAWKING, FLUTTERING]
Shit! oh.
[CHICKENS SQUAWKING]
Jesus.
[CHICKENS SQUAWKING]
[WIND CHIMES CHIMING]
- Dinner!
- Is that him?
- Her.
- Smells pretty good.
- Hey, everybody.
- I feel like we should say grace or something.
- Steve? - Fine, fine!
I killed the chicken! Am I supposed to feel bad about that?
I mean, people do it every day.
- No, they really don't.
- Well, then, how am I supposed to feel?
- I don't know. Grateful, maybe.
- Oh.
Right. um...
thank you, god, and this chicken, of course,
who made the ultimate sacrifice,
uh... in harm's way.
Amen.
- Great, let's eat.
Would you?
- I thought I was gonna have a problem with this, but,
damn, that's a juicy bird.
- It does smell really good.
- You want some?
- Yeah, I think I do.
- Ben?
Okay, so you got my phone number.
Oh. Here, take it. It's my last one.
I'm gonna lay off for a while.
- What am I gonna do with one joint?
- Yeah, better try and get by, but when I come back,
I'm bringing you the biggest bag of dope you've ever seen.
- I don't think so. - Okay, maybe you've seen
a bigger one, but I'm bringing a lot.
- Do what you want. I don't know where I'll be.
- That's kind of ominous,
and because of its non-sequitur nature,
I'm going to take that as a "yes" on the weed.
- Why don't you take all of this as clarity?
You don't have to come back, okay?
- Suddenly, you're gonna get your own weed?
- Look, I'm done. That's it, it's over.
- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about...
we took the ski lift to the top of the mountain.
We got off. You're going one way and I'm going the other.
- There's only one way to go, down.
You can't get on the lift without me.
In fact, you can't even ski.
- I can ski. - When have you been skiing?
You told that girl you could ski and I backed you up on it,
but you'd never been skiing. Then you told her
you'd never been skiing and you sold me out, remember?
- Forget about skiing! You're talking stupid shit!
I need you to take this seriously for once.
Take something seriously!
- Oh, I get it. You're strong. All has been revealed.
- I'm just saying this is my problem
and you're exacerbating it!
- You are truly batshit. - I'm sure it's scary
to take fixing me off your list of things to do,
because all that's left is fixing you.
- Oh, wow. Thank you for that.
Yeah, 'cause I'm the selfish one here.
There's no chance you're the asshole.
- Look, you don't know me and you don't owe me, okay?
- Well, if you feel the need to punch me in the balls,
knock yourself out. I'll try and clear my schedule
for the next time the clarity wears off.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
- Hey. - Are you going?
- Yeah, I gotta get back.
- Oh.
- I got the job, you know.
- No, of course.
- You don't want to walk me to the car?
- Well, if you're leaving, you're leaving.
I mean, I can call you or something.
- Do you not want me to go?
- Well, it's not gonna be easy here,
and not because I'm pining for you.
I mean, you know I'm not gonna leave.
You're counting on it, so really, you're just using me.
And throw in the fact that maybe I do have feelings.
- Oh, god, so do I.
- No.
Half a day of sobriety isn't gonna open that door.
- Well, you can still walk me outside, you know.
No funny business, I promise.
- You should go.
I'll stay here until I feel okay about going
so you can feel okay about going.
[GENTLE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Ahh ♪
♪ Ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ooh ooh ♪
- Now about this tropical depression
brewing off the florida keys... it's too early to tell
if this gulf air will hold and create hurricane conditions,
so victoria, we will keep an eye on that.
- Thank you, steve. We certainly will.
- Dallas? Steve dallas? - Yes, mein fuhrer.
- you know, for a second out there,
I thought you were sober, then I realized
you're probably on some drug I've never even heard of.
- Look at this shit.
Why don't they just get us tubes, like astronauts?
- I don't know. The sandwiches are pretty good.
- Chicken bologna?
Do you have any idea where that even comes from?
- Yeah, a chicken.
- It's a lot harder than that.
- I didn't know you painted.
- I don't really, but somehow, tracing these lines
is really gonna help me remember this place.
'Cause, let's face it, next time I come back,
it probably won't be here.
- Thanks for cheering me up.
- Try it.
- I really screwed up.
- It wasn't in your control.
- Gauguin packed up as far from this crap hole as possible,
and the world wasn't even 1/10th as polluted as it is now.
- You feel like packing up?
- No, I don't even feel that. I just feel like...
it's a pretty nice day, and I hate myself
for being the guy that only has that to say.
- Need another club soda, mr. Dallas?
- Does anyone ever need another club soda?
What's going on here?
- A real estate seminar.
Lot of ladies trying to change their lives.
[INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION]
- Is it good?
- It's filled with bizarre details
and super-weird bullshit.
- You've never read anything you've liked that was like that?
- It's not me. Actually, it was me.
That's what makes it so depressing.
Now it's just this... unfinished, unfocused, unrelenting.
I'm a guy in the desert who's run towards a mirage.
I'm still really thirsty and my mouth is full of sand.
- Write that down.
- I don't think it's mine.
- It's gonna take time.
- I just wish it was some crippling depression,
instead of this disappointment.
How do you all live here without looking
for a high place to jump from?
- I can't sell you on life.
- 'Cause there's nothing to it! [SOBS]
Nothing at all. [SOBS]
- Life doesn't stand up to thinking.
Smell the air out there. There are wonders.
- [SOBBING]
[SIGHS]
All I feel is time passing. It's overwhelming.
I wasted so much.
I gobbled it all down without even tasting it.
- So start over.
- Just like that?
[FAN WHIRRING]
[CHUCKLES]
- [SIGHS]
I'm sorry, I'm gonna give it ten more minutes,
if that's okay.
That's decaf, right?
- Sorry I'm late.
- Oh, my god, you shaved.
- What can I say. You know how erratic I am.
- What did you want to talk to me about, ben?
- Actually, I wanted to thank you.
- Look, I didn't wait 40 minutes
for you to show up so we could have a fight.
- Terry, I mean it. I can't help but think
that even through all this,
that what dad wanted was for us to deal with all this together.
- I'm sorry, but I know you're only one sentence away
from telling me that you want to turn the store
into an 1850s laundromat that runs on whale oil or something.
Except god forbid anybody hurt a whale.
- [LAUGHS] no.
I have become... [CHUCKLES]
Acutely aware of my limitations,
and I guess what I'm saying is, is that
whatever you have in mind, I'm okay with.
- Excuse me? Are you wearing a wire?
- I'm serious.
- Well, I've been tossing around the idea
of converting the store into something more modern.
- And profitable? - Is that a sin?
- No, that's good, that's what I wanted to hear,
because I have some plans for the farm.
- What, give it to angela? [CHUCKLES] perfect.
- You don't even know her. - Yeah, I know that she has
some freaky power over all the men in my family,
and that probably comes from under her sundress.
- Terry, I'm asking you, please, don't talk about her like that.
- Okay.
Okay.
It's a million dollars of undeveloped land.
- And that's why I want to have a say about what happens to it.
- And you get lunch.
- Look, whatever it takes.
I just don't want it to be like this anymore.
- You look just like dad.
- Okay, we feed in 15 seconds. Come on, people!
I don't have a fucking image.
All right, this is a newsroom.
Can I get some people walking back and forth, please?
And let's clean up this... oh, forget it.
- Three, two...
- as promised, we're continuing to track this storm,
now, from the national weather service,
known officially as "hurricane gordon,"
about to make landfall just south of charleston here.
Expect 85-mile-per-hour winds and flooding,
2 to 3 inches per hour.
Now, you folks in the area,
whether the government makes you or not,
just get yourselves out of there.
Your lives are a hell of a lot more important than your houses.
This is steve dallas in the channel 18 storm center.
Stay dry and stay safe.
- And we're out.
- Nicely done! Yes!
I love that bit about the people down in charleston.
Our local old ladies are gonna cream!
- And from what delia tells me, this is hell of a storm.
Those people needed to be warned.
- Yeah, well, those people lost power six hours ago.
They're not watching tv.
- Jesus. Really?
So why the hell are we doing this?
- Local people are interested. They might run us national,
unless those douchebags in baltimore snake us again.
- I don't want to bother you. - Oh.
I'm just going through some of your dad's stuff.
I probably should've buried him in his madras shorts.
Would have felt more like a vacation.
- I talked to terry like you suggested.
- It wasn't bad, right? - It was great.
And, um, the other night too.
That really happened, didn't it?
- Yes. Yes, it did.
- I can't tell you how much that meant.
- Well, someone had to welcome you back to the world.
- How did you end up with my dad?
- Uh... i guess it was all this.
It's hard to resist the temptation
to step into a normal life.
- I know you told dad you didn't want anything.
- Yeah, I said that, and I really meant it,
but you think he would have just given me
just, like, one little thing.
Anything, just for sentimental reasons, a gesture.
- Well, you deserve whatever you want.
I could try to find a way to... - No, no, no.
[LAUGHS] not from you.
I mean, it's sweet, thank you, but...
it's not the same.
- I thought, since you know, you didn't know
what you're going to do, that you could talk to steve
about the farm and the house.
I'm sure he doesn't know what he's going to do either.
- What do you mean?
- I'm giving this all to dallas.
- What?
- I promised it to him after the will.
- Huh. [CHUCKLES] I didn't know that.
- It's an odd marriage, but I kind of owed it to him.
Why? Did you want it? - No. Mm-mmm.
- Are you okay? - Sure. You?
- Yeah. Terry's gonna help me find a smaller place.
I'll never forget how you held this family together.
[BEEP] - It's me.
I hope I'm using this right.
It keeps asking me to press star,
which I don't think we have on this phone.
Oh, there it is. Listen, man...
[BEEP]
Listen, man, I know we haven't talked.
I'm just gonna say it because it keeps cutting me off.
I miss you. I've been thinking about things,
and I want to make good on things,
and I know angela miss... [BEEP]
Okay, now, I gotta talk fast 'cause if I stop talking,
the thing will cut me off. All I wanted to say was
come down if you're ever free, and I'm good. Bye.
[BEEP]
[DIALING BEEPS]
Hello... [BEEPS]
- Morning, slugger. Four reports in six hours,
a station manager's wet dream.
You got two hours to get cleaned up for your 12:30.
- That's it, I'm done. - What?
- I think it's time you find a new entertainment reporter,
someone who's comfortable with what a waste of time this is,
someone who isn't aware of the fact
that any six-year-old can stick their arm out the window
and tell you what it's gonna be like today.
Dave, I would like to introduce you to delia,
an actual meteorologist,
and yes, she doesn't look like miss america,
she looks like someone who went to m.i.t., because she did.
- Can't you ever just make it easy?
Do you have to suck the good out of everything?
- Good luck, sweetheart.
- [SCOFFS]
- He kissed me.
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- "Amish farms super store"?
- Yes, but without the question mark.
- If you believed in anything, you would realize
this is why people go to hell.
- Have you talked to ben?
- Ben agreed to this? Underground parking?
- Honestly, we spoke in rational means as a family,
and this was the decision that we made,
and luckily for both of us, you're not part of the family.
- No, no, congratulations, you won, and I don't mean
the battle over the will, I mean for biggest twat of the year.
- Boy, you really don't know how to talk to a woman
you're not trying to screw.
Ben and I reconciled, and your opposition to that
makes me feel like you just don't want to be alone
in whatever weed-powered dance you two have shared
for the last 25 years.
- I want him to get better.
- Then for once, leave him be!
He's going to have a lifetime of prosperity,
and I'm sure he and angela will be very happy.
- What?
- Maybe it's sick, but those two found each other.
I know it sounds weird, but I actually believe
that my brother and my stepmother belong together.
- What, they're together? Says who?
- Oh. Steve, they are.
Sorry, you're gonna have to find someone else
who's in worse shape than you now.
- Go fuck yourself. - Go fuck yourself too!
- Beard. - Yeah, you like it?
- Is angela here?
- I don't know if you got my messages.
That's why I wanted you to come up,
'cause I wanted to tell you the great news,
that the farm is yours to do whatever you want with.
- Fan-fucking-tastic. Angela around?
- Now, don't be mad, but terry's gonna get the store.
It's the best way to go. - That is great, great news.
Do you know where angela is?
- Are you okay? I think she's upstairs.
- Upstairs? Where you were just screwing her?
- What are you talking about? - Oh, I guess I don't know
if you were just screwing her.
- that's a weird thing to say!
- Really? Because it is sick!
If it isn't amish country's own mary magdalene.
Did you wash his feet first
or just pull him down off the cross and bone him?
- What? - Hold on, calm down.
You're being very... - No, no, stay out of this,
I'm warning you, ben. Stay out of this!
- Why are you angry? - Because you fucked my friend!
- Who told you that? - Everybody knows!
- That's none of your business!
- I guess nothing's none of my business.
- I never promised you anything.
You got the farm. Isn't that what you wanted?
- Stop it! I'm gonna have the two people
I care about most in the world fight like this!
You got it all wrong. Now, cool it!
- Fine. Fine.
What happened?
Oh, god. This is so bad.
You assholes! Both of you, such assholes.
You don't care about anything.
Jesus, you know what she means to me!
- It's not what you think. - I didn't know.
But it doesn't change anything, I swear.
- The hell it doesn't!
I thought I meant something to you.
- Because I thought you were helping a sick friend,
not making a real estate deal!
- What? I was! But aren't I entitled to something?
- Yes.
- You don't know where I have been,
the shit I have done to deserve you.
[SIGHS]
- I talked to terry,
and it's yours to do whatever you want with it.
I don't know what say except I hope you take a look
at yourself and realize how much is there.
Steve, you got to get your shit together.
- I hope one day you find out what you really care about.
- I hope one day you learn to solve a problem
without sleeping with it.
- What happened between me and ben
had nothing to do with you or my feelings for you.
- Oh, come on, you sell all this nature shit
and honesty and feelings, but you're just
this empty little girl with no responsibilities
who gets anything and everybody she wants
because she's so goddamn pretty.
And believe me, I know what I'm talking about.
I do the weather on tv.
You got a week to get off my land.
[ENTRY BELL JINGLES]
[GENTLE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
[CLANGING]
- I got that. - Thanks.
You're the new guy?
Pulled all the strings and got a south unit?
- Sorry.
- I'm alli. That's conner. - Ben.
- Buenos dias.
You wanted to see me? - Wanted to see you?
I was calling you... what is that?
- last one in the case. You're out of luck.
Ah, hell. - I must've called you
a hundred times... you never answered.
- I just thought you wanted to fire delia,
and obviously, I was right.
- Interesting thing about delia. I ran it by corporate,
and if she promises to get a boob job,
which she's on board with, she can do the weather.
- Why'd you want to see me?
- With victoria getting married...
- god, I never thought that was gonna happen.
- With victoria getting married,
there's an opening on the anchor desk.
Now, as much as I'd prefer someone who shows up,
after the last storm watch, and then you disappearing like that,
we received, like, 7,000 letters
expressing their concern for you and a wish to see you again.
- You mean seven letters.
- The point is, we have an opening if you want it,
the big seat. Plus now, we got
this totally stacked chick next to you doing the weather,
and you'll never want for money.
- God, I'm just wondering what it would take
to get fired around here.
- Is this your coffee or mine? Because I have to drive home.
- They're all my coffee.
- Overpaid prick.
- Five seconds.
- Good afternoon, annapolis.
Federal investigators responding...
[ENGINE REVVING]
[BEEPING]
[APPLAUSE]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
- You missed my shower.
- Sorry, I got hit by a pile of money.
Any lots available near you on martha's vineyard?
- Don't you want me to be happy?
- Not sure I want that for anybody.
I'm going to miss fucking you.
I used to think there was more, but there isn't.
[BEEP]
[AUTOMATED MALE VOICE] one new message.
[BEEP] - Hi, this is beverly,
confirming your date for tonight.
Her name is carla, and she's a petite redhead,
but it's the good redhead.
Think nicole kidman, not howdy doody.
And just so you know, she has a lot of regulars.
[BEEP]
- Hey.
You get my letter? - Letter?
Got a fedex full of weed. Subtle.
You want some salmon?
- I thought salmon was for assholes.
- Everything else has so much mercury.
- I drove 2 1/2 hours, and I ended up
back in my own apartment.
- Except I don't have the view.
- Me either. They cut the tree down.
- Good for you. How was she?
- Wasn't worth a tree. You gonna open the wine?
- You can have some. There's a glass in the...
- oh, Jesus, don't be so proud of yourself.
You know, like less than 10% of the people
who even take the shit you're on ever stay on it?
- I defer to your drug expertise.
- Why'd you fall in love with her
and ruin everything for me?
- I didn't fall in love with her.
- That's worse! You ruined everything.
- No, you ruined everything!
First of all, I'm not in love with her, and I never was.
- But you slept with her anyway? Why would you do that?
Okay, let's say I understand that.
- But you don't.
She helped me, let me feel something again.
- So she makes me stop getting high, but you get sex?
What a shitty, shitty deal, and for what?
For this? What happened to you?
- I'm still me.
- Bullshit. You're ben lite!
- I'm ben prime. I'm still the same guy from sixth grade!
- No.
Man, you're a million miles away from that kid.
- I swear, this isn't bad.
I'm just functioning now like everyone else.
- So this is it?
- Well, maybe that's what's wrong with the world.
We keep looking and grabbing and eating and smoking
and never stop to think,
"who could want more than this?"
- [SOBS]
- You're here. That's all that matters.
- [SOBS]
[GENTLE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
- Hey, there. - Hi.
- I know, it's a lot of junk, but I'm a really good mother.
- [LAUGHS]
- Hey.
- I'm sorry. I was gonna leave in the morning.
- Well, I...
- what?
- You know anything about running a farm?
- More than you.
[THUNDER PEALS]
- [CHUCKLES]
Come inside. - No.
[THUNDER PEALS]
- Why are we here?
- We're waiting for the rain to stop.
- Can I ride it?
Could you?
[PHONE RINGING]
Hey.
Um, mom said wednesday.
I don't know why. She said wednesday.
Um...
no, I mean, you can... barbecue's fine.
[CLOPPING SOUND]
[MOTOR HUMMING]
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