1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM 2 00:00:12,102 --> 00:00:16,102 Synced and corrected by R3V0LV3R. 3 00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:40,304 Hello, my name is Eli Pettifog. I'm 13 years old. 4 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,409 Today is my first day of college. 5 00:00:55,021 --> 00:00:57,819 What you got in that bag, Eli? Books? 6 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,054 Don't they have a library at that place? 7 00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,328 She's a terrible mother... 8 00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:08,492 but it's not her fault that I'm a genius. 9 00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:16,908 " Can you hear me coming Feel it all around." 10 00:01:16,976 --> 00:01:22,608 " Feet are stomping On the ground." 11 00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:26,709 " It said something So familiar." 12 00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:33,051 Please tell me this is a joke. 13 00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:39,429 I wanted to take you, but I'm just so tired. 14 00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:46,765 Remember the electric bill is the most important, then the rent. 15 00:01:55,782 --> 00:02:00,776 Eli... make some friends out there, okay? 16 00:02:11,564 --> 00:02:13,395 - Bye, Mom. - Later. 17 00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:35,611 Beacon Falls, Whittman College. 18 00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:14,919 I welcome you to Whittman College... 19 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:19,185 the 37th best, small, liberal arts college on the East Coast. 20 00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:28,591 Lots of stuff to know. 21 00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:31,831 How about some exercise for the lazy student? 22 00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:38,867 Some people go to college because they graduate from high school, like me. 23 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:42,039 Others go and they self-destruct, like this guy. 24 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,946 Chi Gong. 25 00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:50,647 Badminton or squash? 26 00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:55,920 He had a business once. He used to sell this stuff. 27 00:04:55,995 --> 00:05:01,592 To these people... and then he bailed on these things. 28 00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:07,929 Put your shuttlecock away. It's squash. 29 00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:20,645 Here, let me get that for you. 30 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,348 - Give me my bag back. - I'm Leo Searly, late bloomer. 31 00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:27,081 I'm Eli Pettifog, child prodigy, please can I have my bag back? 32 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,184 You're a freshman? 33 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,193 Unfortunately. 34 00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:30,627 Me, too. What room you in? 35 00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:32,324 212, can I... 36 00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:34,478 Oh, good, it's right here. I'm right across the hall. 37 00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:41,305 Well, take care, brush your hair. 38 00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:44,707 I need the oldest undergraduate in the world as a friend... 39 00:05:44,777 --> 00:05:47,769 like I need a hole in my head. 40 00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:51,305 And I don't need a hole in my head, if that was what you were wondering. 41 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,158 Hey, want to get a burger? 42 00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:03,957 No. 43 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,861 My treat. 44 00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,297 Thanks, but no. 45 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,232 Eli, it's your first day of college... 46 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:13,033 you're gonna have plenty of time to sit alone and hate yourself. 47 00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,233 Come on. 48 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:39,398 Wow, that's good. 49 00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:41,956 That is old-fashioned American genius. 50 00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:44,093 Have you noticed everything is genius these days? 51 00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,138 How can food be genius? 52 00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:48,332 Try the fries. 53 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:54,077 That's good, it may be great, but it's not genius. 54 00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:59,082 Hey, look at that townie girl. 55 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:02,212 She's checking you out, man. 56 00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:04,085 See you later, Shauna. 57 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,385 See you. 58 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:11,389 Oh, that was a complete meltdown of the man nerve. 59 00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:13,329 I'm wearing my hair net. 60 00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:18,467 Safety first. I hear you. 61 00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:44,826 I'm gonna go get us some more beers. 62 00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:46,922 Nice, I'll just stay here. 63 00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:04,509 I am Leo Searly, late bloomer. 64 00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:07,309 I'm 'Milla, I have not yet bloomed. 65 00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:09,251 - Really? - Uh-huh. 66 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,018 You look like you bloomed to me all right. 67 00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:16,525 Are you Eli Pettifog? 68 00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,161 Yeah. 69 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:22,065 The 13-year-old freshman? 70 00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:27,766 Well, Eli, I want to have your really, really smart baby. 71 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,126 What makes you think that nine months in your womb 72 00:08:30,139 --> 00:08:32,436 won't make the baby really, really stupid? 73 00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:37,074 Excuse me. 74 00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:44,283 Oh, jeez. 75 00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:55,526 You think your sperm is too good for my girl or something? 76 00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:57,068 No. 77 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,569 Ow, put me down! Put me down! 78 00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:01,534 - Why do you do this shit? - Because I'm a dick! 79 00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:02,938 Say my sperm is not worthy of Eve Hanson. 80 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:05,341 Who's Eve Hanson? 81 00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:06,981 My girlfriend, you know, the one you were just hitting on? 82 00:09:06,994 --> 00:09:08,574 She's out of your league, pal. 83 00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:10,816 Yeah, I know she's out of my league. I don't even like girls. 84 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,180 Somebody's fibbing. 85 00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:13,183 Oh, god. 86 00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:17,046 What's it like down there? 87 00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:18,988 Awesome, I've been there a thousand times. 88 00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:23,256 Yeah, I'll bet you have. 89 00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:25,297 Say my sperm is not worthy of Eve Hanson. 90 00:09:25,364 --> 00:09:28,094 Hold on, I can't hear you, my ears are blocked. 91 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:32,901 Have some Ebola, asshole! 92 00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:41,341 I'm gonna make this the worst year of your shitty, little life. 93 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,006 So, we're enemies? 94 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:48,213 Mortal enemies. Let's drink to it. 95 00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:56,521 Oh, Jesus, ow, stop. 96 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,326 Remember, I bought the first round. 97 00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:01,533 Yeah. 98 00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,010 Oh, my god. 99 00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:41,205 Oh, god. 100 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,607 I don't feel so good. 101 00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:51,980 Really? 102 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,319 Perfect timing. 103 00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:14,138 Thanks. 104 00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:24,547 Something I want to tell you. 105 00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:25,709 What? 106 00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:27,612 Come closer. 107 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,329 You can come closer. 108 00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,728 I'm a genius! 109 00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:50,231 I remember my first beer, too. Yeah. 110 00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:55,576 Ever since I was a little baby, all I ever wanted to do was go to Harvard. 111 00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:59,610 My spiritual home. 112 00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:05,055 So, without really trying, I skipped five grades. 113 00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:11,427 Won all the science fairs, got my MENSA card. 114 00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:14,728 You know what happened? 115 00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:18,567 Harvard rejected me. 116 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,406 They don't want me. 117 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,138 Well, then, screw them. 118 00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:32,208 You don't understand. It just killed me, you know? 119 00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:38,240 You want to know the most awful and 120 00:12:38,253 --> 00:12:41,716 humiliating part of the whole, entire story? 121 00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:46,661 You still love the bitch. 122 00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:49,792 Yeah. How'd you know? 123 00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:59,607 All right, if you're gonna puke again, close one eye, you'll have better aim. 124 00:12:59,678 --> 00:13:01,373 Don't leave. 125 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,211 If the room starts to spin, you put one foot on the floor. 126 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:07,582 Yeah. Leo? Leo? 127 00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,518 - Goodnight. - No, Leo, just... 128 00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:12,113 You're all right. Hang in there. 129 00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:27,672 Never mind. 130 00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:43,450 I'm here for my job. 131 00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:46,389 All right, dear, check in down the hall. 132 00:14:12,451 --> 00:14:15,386 Shit. 133 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,811 Harvard's coming? 134 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,881 Good evening, and welcome to Collegiate Mastermind. 135 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,554 The varsity sport of the mind. 136 00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:04,331 Tonight's two contestants are the Whittman Warring Hares... 137 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,861 versus the Harvard Crimson squad. 138 00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:15,877 First question is a toss-up worth ten points. 139 00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:21,887 The first question, that should be the first one on the stack. 140 00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:26,618 Okay, how far can the Queen Mary 2... 141 00:15:26,692 --> 00:15:30,492 travel on one gallon of... diesel. 142 00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:31,961 Whittman Warring Hares. 143 00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:35,359 We forfeit. 144 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:36,594 Incorrect. 145 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,637 No, I mean we forfeit. 146 00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:39,898 You can't forfeit. 147 00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:44,341 We haven't won a match since 1971. 148 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:49,205 Oh. Harvard to steal. 149 00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,545 Six inches. 150 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,410 Six inches is correct. 151 00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:58,422 Yes! 152 00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:06,521 Caution, Harvard at this time for showboating. 153 00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,697 Man, if I were on the Whittman team... 154 00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:15,342 my dad would send me into the woods to find the 155 00:16:15,355 --> 00:16:17,936 perfect piece of birch to split my ass with. 156 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:20,570 Hey, there's the little dude. 157 00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:25,574 Thanks for the support, little dude. What's your name? 158 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:26,640 Eli. 159 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,687 You the man, Eli. 160 00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:32,381 How old are you? 161 00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:33,618 13. 162 00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:36,593 Uh-oh, he's a genius. 163 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:39,426 Yeah. 164 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,762 Yeah, you are. 165 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:48,296 13, walking around Harvard with hair like that? That's bad ass. 166 00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:51,343 You want a ride back to campus? 167 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:52,502 To Boston? 168 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,478 Yeah, let's roll. 169 00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:05,620 Yo, Eli, get in... or we aren't gonna haze you. 170 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:06,658 I can't. 171 00:17:06,725 --> 00:17:10,422 Why not? 172 00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:13,021 Because I don't go to Harvard. 173 00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:18,627 I'm a freshman here at Whittman... but my soul belongs to Harvard. 174 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:25,439 Don't worry about it, the important thing is we part company like men. 175 00:17:26,945 --> 00:17:29,539 Listen to me, you little freak. Ow, oh, my god. 176 00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:34,484 Harvard doesn't want your soul. Your soul is cheap, and it's mediocre. 177 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,316 - Ow, stop. - It's a Whittman soul. 178 00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:26,376 - But they went on to win that year. - How does that help us right now? 179 00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,497 I'm just saying you should learn, you know, perseverance. 180 00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:31,941 Alan, if you didn't know the answer, why did you buzz? 181 00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:33,773 Because... 182 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,766 You can't do that. If you don't know, don't buzz. 183 00:18:36,014 --> 00:18:37,140 Hey. 184 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:42,082 My name is Eli Pettifog. 185 00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:51,552 This is Leo Searly's last chance at a classy future. 186 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:57,865 He's not afraid to gamble it all on a hole and a ball. 187 00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:02,906 Hits the putt. 188 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:07,071 Oh, it's on the lip. No, no, no, it's rolling in. It's rolling in. 189 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,738 Oh, yes! 190 00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:13,945 - Leo Searly takes home $100 million... - Hey. 191 00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:15,486 Hey, how are you? 192 00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:16,816 Can I tell you something super important? 193 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,550 Okay. As long as it's not teenage stuff. 194 00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:19,989 Don't worry. This is as grown up as it gets. 195 00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:22,117 All right. 196 00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:25,857 First, I now hate Harvard with the fanatical rage of a freedom fighter. 197 00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:28,559 That sounds pretty teenage to me. 198 00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:31,000 And I've sworn my life to its destruction. 199 00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:33,003 The entire university? 200 00:19:33,071 --> 00:19:36,165 No, just the college, I'm only one man. 201 00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:38,880 Second, I'm now the new captain of the Whittman 202 00:19:38,893 --> 00:19:41,543 Warring Hares Collegiate Mastermind Team. 203 00:19:41,613 --> 00:19:46,209 Oh, I loved that game as a kid. That's the one with the pegs. 204 00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,805 Like the little colored pegs, then you get a combination... 205 00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:51,983 No, it's a quiz show in which two colleges compete... 206 00:19:52,057 --> 00:19:55,220 to see which one is smart and which one is dumb. 207 00:19:55,494 --> 00:19:57,894 It's like the show Jeopardy, with no money. 208 00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:59,658 No money? 209 00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:04,031 Forget the money, Leo. I found the instrument of my revenge. 210 00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:18,616 What makes him think he can walk in here and say... 211 00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:20,485 "I'm Eli Pettifog and I'm your new captain?" 212 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:24,648 Because none of us walked in and said I'm your new captain. 213 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:28,489 The first four digits of pi are 3.141. 214 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,619 What is the billionth digit of pi? 215 00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:33,190 Nine. 216 00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:34,562 Right you are. 217 00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:35,600 Dude. 218 00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:40,767 Here's your bonus. 219 00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:42,864 Assuming Rudolph was in front... 220 00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:46,707 how many ways are there to arrange the other eight reindeer? 221 00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:49,576 40,320. 222 00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:51,673 Right you are. You're fast, kid. 223 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,510 - Dude! - Captain. 224 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:58,852 Shit, dude, viral pandemic sick! Or not. 225 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,277 Ssh, I'm trying to study. 226 00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:41,056 You should have a package for Eli Pettifog. 227 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:46,765 Pettifog, okay. P-E-T-T-I-F-O-G? 228 00:21:46,838 --> 00:21:47,862 Yeah. 229 00:21:47,939 --> 00:21:51,306 Weird name. What's it mean? 230 00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:56,712 Okay, here we go. Pettifog means you bicker over everything. 231 00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:59,114 That's ridiculous. 232 00:21:59,184 --> 00:22:04,952 Second definition, to practice deception or trickery. 233 00:22:05,023 --> 00:22:07,651 Do you have a package for me or not? 234 00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:12,720 There's no package for you, Pettifog. No lying or complaining. 235 00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:13,765 Okay. 236 00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:17,798 Hey. Can I use your phone? 237 00:22:17,869 --> 00:22:20,064 Yeah, sure. 238 00:22:29,247 --> 00:22:30,612 It's private. 239 00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:32,775 I understand. 240 00:22:37,055 --> 00:22:39,978 Hey, if you want to party, leave a message. 241 00:22:39,991 --> 00:22:42,925 All right, whatever. 242 00:22:42,994 --> 00:22:48,660 Hey, Mom, I'm calling to remind you you forgot my birthday again. 243 00:22:51,136 --> 00:22:52,125 It's your birthday? 244 00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:54,638 Yeah. Big 1-4. 245 00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:55,250 Hang on. 246 00:23:04,449 --> 00:23:05,939 Faster. 247 00:23:06,017 --> 00:23:08,679 Okay. 248 00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:09,914 Whoo! 249 00:23:09,988 --> 00:23:11,182 Faster. 250 00:23:12,124 --> 00:23:13,751 Faster? 251 00:23:13,825 --> 00:23:16,919 Yeah! 252 00:23:18,029 --> 00:23:19,792 Whoo! 253 00:23:19,865 --> 00:23:21,799 Faster. 254 00:23:21,867 --> 00:23:23,129 Whoo! 255 00:23:29,374 --> 00:23:31,865 Thanks, Leo, that was really fun. 256 00:23:31,943 --> 00:23:34,969 Well, happy birthday, Eli. 257 00:23:37,149 --> 00:23:38,946 - Leo! - Yo! 258 00:23:39,017 --> 00:23:41,713 Faster! 259 00:24:02,908 --> 00:24:04,307 What's wrong with this thing? 260 00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:08,005 Hey, fuzzy, that's my favorite machine. 261 00:24:08,814 --> 00:24:10,975 Hi. 262 00:24:11,049 --> 00:24:12,141 Happy birthday. 263 00:24:12,217 --> 00:24:13,479 Thanks. 264 00:24:13,752 --> 00:24:15,276 I wish I could go to Whittman. 265 00:24:15,353 --> 00:24:18,186 There's no Mall Studies major at Whittman. 266 00:24:18,256 --> 00:24:23,888 I'm not a mall girl. I only shop at the most exclusive boutiques. 267 00:24:23,962 --> 00:24:24,986 Mm-hm. 268 00:24:27,766 --> 00:24:29,199 You want to shotgun? 269 00:24:29,267 --> 00:24:31,497 What's a shotgun? 270 00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:36,332 Let me show you. Okay. 271 00:24:43,949 --> 00:24:47,385 I know you have a thing for me. 272 00:24:47,452 --> 00:24:51,183 What are you gonna do about it? 273 00:24:51,256 --> 00:24:52,848 What are you talking about? 274 00:24:52,924 --> 00:24:57,293 I see you checking out my boyish curves. 275 00:24:57,362 --> 00:25:00,525 Come, lay down with me. 276 00:25:09,074 --> 00:25:11,167 You want to know a secret? 277 00:25:11,243 --> 00:25:13,143 Okay. 278 00:25:13,211 --> 00:25:15,907 I never kissed anyone. 279 00:25:17,582 --> 00:25:21,018 So what? Neither have I. 280 00:25:21,086 --> 00:25:25,921 I'm worried I might suck at it. 281 00:25:25,991 --> 00:25:29,518 How hard can it be? 282 00:25:29,594 --> 00:25:32,427 Kissing is too important to be easy. 283 00:25:42,140 --> 00:25:43,198 Not my lip. 284 00:25:43,275 --> 00:25:44,936 Well, stop squirming. 285 00:25:45,010 --> 00:25:49,208 Are you supposed to be drooling directly into my mouth? 286 00:25:57,856 --> 00:26:02,054 Toss up. Which states, in order of entry into the union... 287 00:26:02,127 --> 00:26:07,258 is Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen not from? 288 00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:09,927 Whittman? 289 00:26:10,001 --> 00:26:14,370 Delaware, Pennsylvania, Georgia, Connecticut... 290 00:26:14,439 --> 00:26:20,139 Massachusetts, Maryland, South Carolina, New Hampshire, Virginia, New York... 291 00:26:20,211 --> 00:26:25,148 North Carolina, Rhode Island, Vermont, Kentucky, uh... 292 00:26:25,216 --> 00:26:27,150 Keep going. 293 00:26:27,218 --> 00:26:32,952 Not Tennessee, Ohio, Louisiana, Indiana, Mississippi, Illinois... 294 00:26:33,024 --> 00:26:39,930 Alabama, Maine, Missouri, Arkansas, Michigan, Florida, Texas, Iowa... 295 00:26:39,998 --> 00:26:43,195 Wisconsin, California, Minnesota... 296 00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:45,202 15 seconds. 297 00:26:45,270 --> 00:26:49,468 Um, not Oregon, Kansas, West Virginia, Nevada... 298 00:26:49,541 --> 00:26:52,169 Nebraska, Colorado, North Dakota, South Dakota. 299 00:26:52,243 --> 00:26:53,574 Do it, weirdo! 300 00:26:53,645 --> 00:26:56,409 Yeah, do it. 301 00:26:56,481 --> 00:27:02,943 Montana, Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, Utah, New Mexico, Arizona, Alaska, nor Hawaii. 302 00:27:04,990 --> 00:27:06,389 By god, he's done it. 303 00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:13,924 Nice. Very nice. 304 00:27:13,999 --> 00:27:19,335 In-frigging-conceivable. Frigging magnificent. 305 00:27:19,404 --> 00:27:22,896 Frigging, frigging. I want a piece of your action. 306 00:27:22,974 --> 00:27:24,168 You can't have any of my action. 307 00:27:24,242 --> 00:27:26,267 Do you even know what your action is? 308 00:27:26,344 --> 00:27:28,471 You're the one who started talking about my action. 309 00:27:28,546 --> 00:27:34,610 Your action is blowing people away with your genius, and your bizarre charisma. 310 00:27:34,686 --> 00:27:39,089 You're a college star in the making. 311 00:27:39,157 --> 00:27:43,184 My quest is private, Leo, it's not for other people. 312 00:27:44,996 --> 00:27:47,931 Do you think I should start a blog? 313 00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:41,977 Whoa. 314 00:28:45,423 --> 00:28:46,447 Nice try, Leo. 315 00:28:46,524 --> 00:28:47,718 Mm? 316 00:28:47,792 --> 00:28:50,317 This jacket is from sweatshop city. 317 00:28:50,395 --> 00:28:54,092 What are you talking about? It was stitched in Beacon Falls, USA. 318 00:28:54,165 --> 00:28:56,133 Makes me look like I have old-man shoulders. 319 00:28:56,201 --> 00:28:58,567 Man shoulders are a perk. 320 00:28:58,636 --> 00:29:03,471 Oh. Then how come the waist is so tight? 321 00:29:03,541 --> 00:29:07,295 What are you talking about? It's form-fitting. 322 00:29:07,308 --> 00:29:11,073 Flatters the silhouette. 323 00:29:11,149 --> 00:29:15,142 Oh. Well, what about the collar? 324 00:29:15,220 --> 00:29:18,121 The jacket's perfect, Eli. 325 00:29:18,189 --> 00:29:19,781 You promise? 326 00:29:20,058 --> 00:29:21,218 Yeah. 327 00:29:23,528 --> 00:29:25,291 Must be why I love it so much. 328 00:29:49,254 --> 00:29:51,484 Excuse me, hello, thank you very much. I hope you all enjoy your lunch. 329 00:29:51,556 --> 00:29:55,492 Today we're offering $1,000 to anyone... 330 00:29:55,560 --> 00:30:00,657 who can stump the Whittman Warring Hares Collegiate Mastermind squad. 331 00:30:00,732 --> 00:30:02,290 Perky girl. 332 00:30:02,367 --> 00:30:05,564 Okay, why does he have pubic hair on his head? 333 00:30:05,637 --> 00:30:09,095 Not the sort of question we're looking for. Next! 334 00:30:09,174 --> 00:30:11,142 But the people want to know. Don't you want to know? 335 00:30:11,209 --> 00:30:13,507 Yeah. 336 00:30:13,578 --> 00:30:17,810 Okay, the people want to know, why does your hair look like "down there" hair? 337 00:30:17,882 --> 00:30:20,180 That's a great question. 338 00:30:20,251 --> 00:30:23,652 My hair resembles pubic hair, because it is designed to protect my brain. 339 00:30:23,721 --> 00:30:26,212 Protect your brain from what? 340 00:30:26,291 --> 00:30:27,815 From stupidity. 341 00:30:30,395 --> 00:30:31,794 You calling me stupid? 342 00:30:31,863 --> 00:30:34,855 - Mm, mm-mm. - They're calling you stupid. 343 00:30:35,133 --> 00:30:36,327 What about you? 344 00:30:36,401 --> 00:30:38,301 I'm calling you stupid, too. 345 00:30:38,369 --> 00:30:40,132 Ouch. 346 00:30:40,205 --> 00:30:45,199 Yeah? Who will be stupid when I'm eating your brain, Pettifog? 347 00:30:45,276 --> 00:30:48,404 Grilled... with sea salt. 348 00:30:50,415 --> 00:30:51,746 You're gonna grill my brain? 349 00:30:51,816 --> 00:30:53,408 He's gonna grill your brain. 350 00:30:58,790 --> 00:31:02,817 Caveman, you can't even start a fire. 351 00:31:04,596 --> 00:31:05,756 I'll rub your bones together. 352 00:31:05,830 --> 00:31:07,388 Name one bone. 353 00:31:07,465 --> 00:31:08,659 Your skull bone! 354 00:31:08,733 --> 00:31:10,792 All right, kids, come on, calm down. 355 00:31:10,869 --> 00:31:13,804 Thank you very much. Don't forget to come and see the Warring Hares. 356 00:31:13,872 --> 00:31:15,872 - I could take him. Put me down. - Bus your tables. 357 00:31:21,412 --> 00:31:24,292 I want to thank you for benching me. I never felt so confident in my life. 358 00:31:24,315 --> 00:31:29,218 Hey, what are friends for? 359 00:31:29,287 --> 00:31:30,879 Hey, sexy genius. 360 00:31:30,955 --> 00:31:32,786 Hey, sexy lady, what's up? 361 00:31:32,857 --> 00:31:36,190 - She's not talking to you. - What are you talking about? 362 00:31:36,261 --> 00:31:42,791 Hey, you teach me, I'll teach you. A little quid pro blow, as they say in modern Latin. 363 00:31:47,305 --> 00:31:51,264 See you at Vassar. Bye, boys. 364 00:31:51,342 --> 00:31:52,866 It's quid pro quo. 365 00:31:52,944 --> 00:31:55,344 In Collegiate Mastermind, it might be quid pro quo... 366 00:31:55,413 --> 00:31:59,281 but in the game of life, her interpretation is right on the sticky bun. 367 00:31:59,350 --> 00:32:01,841 You're so cool, I think I'm gonna call you the fog. 368 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,218 Please, don't call me the fog. That makes me sound dense. 369 00:32:04,289 --> 00:32:05,620 Sorry. 370 00:32:05,690 --> 00:32:06,816 Hey, baby. 371 00:32:06,891 --> 00:32:08,324 Hi, Gertrude. 372 00:32:08,393 --> 00:32:10,361 - Hi, ladies. Where's Leo? - Hey, Gertrude. 373 00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:13,655 Ha-ha, looks like we got a ride. 374 00:32:13,731 --> 00:32:16,894 - Nice. - Yes, the van. 375 00:32:16,968 --> 00:32:19,402 - So sweet. - Oh, my god, this is awesome. 376 00:32:19,470 --> 00:32:21,495 Neat, so cool. Fluffy and soft. 377 00:32:21,572 --> 00:32:23,267 - Do you have a bed in this thing? - I like this car. 378 00:32:23,341 --> 00:32:26,538 Nice, isn't it? Feels kind of like a land couch. 379 00:32:26,611 --> 00:32:28,841 Hey, Leo, guess what? Eli has a groupie. 380 00:32:28,913 --> 00:32:30,608 Shut up, Romeo. Jesus. 381 00:32:30,682 --> 00:32:32,309 - What's her name? - Eve Hanson, she's a senior. 382 00:32:32,383 --> 00:32:33,907 She cute? 383 00:32:33,985 --> 00:32:36,613 She looks like Gertrude, if you gave her blonde hair and money. 384 00:32:36,688 --> 00:32:42,217 Romeo, the only groupie you're ever gonna have is your hand. 385 00:32:43,661 --> 00:32:44,685 That really hurt. 386 00:32:44,762 --> 00:32:45,694 Good. 387 00:32:45,763 --> 00:32:46,787 Buckle up, kids! 388 00:32:58,443 --> 00:33:01,241 Rhinotillexomania is compulsive nose picking. 389 00:33:01,312 --> 00:33:03,371 Gynecomastia means man boobs. 390 00:33:03,448 --> 00:33:05,416 The naked mole rat is immune to cancer. 391 00:33:05,483 --> 00:33:07,007 Whittman College has won the match. 392 00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:14,887 And for the match, what syndrome does pop star Lily Allen have? Whittman. 393 00:33:14,959 --> 00:33:18,725 The super numerary nipple syndrome, the triple nipple. 394 00:33:18,796 --> 00:33:19,785 Correct! 395 00:33:22,567 --> 00:33:25,434 Abalone is not a mollusk, but a large marine snail. 396 00:33:25,503 --> 00:33:27,344 That's correct. Match goes to Whittman College. 397 00:33:29,774 --> 00:33:33,039 The aquatic scrotum resides primarily in Lake Titicaca. 398 00:33:33,311 --> 00:33:34,539 Whittman wins! 399 00:33:34,612 --> 00:33:35,738 Yes! 400 00:33:38,449 --> 00:33:40,349 Out of beer! 401 00:33:41,719 --> 00:33:44,313 Warriors! 402 00:33:57,068 --> 00:33:59,059 Safety first, safety first. 403 00:34:49,554 --> 00:34:50,714 Oh, my god! 404 00:34:50,788 --> 00:34:51,880 Hi. 405 00:34:51,956 --> 00:34:53,480 Can you please stay away from me? 406 00:34:55,426 --> 00:34:58,452 Don't worry, Laird never comes to the library. 407 00:34:58,529 --> 00:35:00,087 I find you fascinating. 408 00:35:00,164 --> 00:35:01,893 No, you don't. 409 00:35:01,966 --> 00:35:04,457 And dangerous. 410 00:35:06,704 --> 00:35:08,569 I'm very safe. 411 00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:11,575 Do I scare you? 412 00:35:11,642 --> 00:35:14,668 Yes, very much. 413 00:35:14,745 --> 00:35:21,514 Well, just try to look past my breasts and everything else, and see the real me. 414 00:35:21,586 --> 00:35:25,989 Look past your breasts? I can't even look at them. 415 00:35:26,057 --> 00:35:30,721 Just... right... do you need... 416 00:35:30,795 --> 00:35:31,876 I'm not gonna look at them. 417 00:35:36,033 --> 00:35:38,001 Don't worry, Romeo, we can beat Yale. 418 00:35:38,069 --> 00:35:39,764 It's not that. 419 00:35:39,837 --> 00:35:41,395 Well, what is it? 420 00:35:41,472 --> 00:35:43,406 My brother goes to Yale. 421 00:35:43,474 --> 00:35:45,032 Oh, really, that's a bummer. 422 00:35:45,109 --> 00:35:48,010 It's only because he is a non-threatening Puerto Rican. 423 00:35:48,079 --> 00:35:52,106 I did not get into Yale, because my mighty mas macho terrifies the white man... 424 00:35:52,183 --> 00:35:54,447 until his balls are like raisins. 425 00:35:54,519 --> 00:35:57,647 But it still hurts, you know? 426 00:35:57,722 --> 00:35:59,747 Every night it still hurts. 427 00:35:59,824 --> 00:36:05,126 So you have a smarter brother? Is he better looking, too? 428 00:36:05,196 --> 00:36:08,165 Yeah, but only a little bit. 429 00:36:10,902 --> 00:36:18,832 Eli, can you dedicate this one to Romeo? He's really hurting back here. 430 00:36:18,910 --> 00:36:22,107 Sure. This one's for you, big guy. 431 00:36:30,087 --> 00:36:35,616 Good evening, and welcome to the Yale Bulldogs... 432 00:36:35,693 --> 00:36:39,789 versus the Whittman Warring Hares. 433 00:36:39,864 --> 00:36:42,833 First question is a toss up for ten points. 434 00:36:42,900 --> 00:36:46,802 How many names are listed on the Vietnam War Memorial? 435 00:36:46,871 --> 00:36:48,930 58,652. 436 00:36:49,006 --> 00:36:51,736 Wrong, Whittman for the steal? 437 00:36:51,809 --> 00:36:54,141 58,256. 438 00:36:54,212 --> 00:36:58,080 That is oh, so right. Bonus to Whittman. 439 00:36:58,149 --> 00:37:02,882 The memorial is built from black granite. Where does this granite come from? 440 00:37:02,954 --> 00:37:04,182 Bangalore, India. 441 00:37:04,255 --> 00:37:07,713 Right again. Toss up. 442 00:37:07,792 --> 00:37:11,592 Who invented the roulette wheel and why? 443 00:37:11,662 --> 00:37:13,857 French philosopher and mathematician... 444 00:37:13,931 --> 00:37:17,264 Blaise Pascal invented roulette for perpetual motion experiments. 445 00:37:17,535 --> 00:37:21,027 That is oh, so right. Bonus to Yale. 446 00:37:21,105 --> 00:37:25,667 Why is roulette called the Devil's Game? 447 00:37:25,743 --> 00:37:28,507 Because all the numbers on the wheel add up to 666. 448 00:37:28,579 --> 00:37:29,546 Correct. 449 00:37:31,282 --> 00:37:32,749 - Huddle up. - What? 450 00:37:32,817 --> 00:37:34,785 - I'm not kidding. - What's up? 451 00:37:34,852 --> 00:37:36,979 Some girls know about roulette, other girls know about the devil... 452 00:37:37,054 --> 00:37:38,646 but no girl knows about both. 453 00:37:38,723 --> 00:37:41,556 Especially not girls like that. She's cheating. 454 00:37:41,626 --> 00:37:43,253 How do you know? 455 00:37:43,327 --> 00:37:45,921 Check out the receiver, it's hidden, it's right there. 456 00:37:45,997 --> 00:37:48,124 Yeah, I see it. Somebody's feeding her the answers. 457 00:37:48,199 --> 00:37:50,633 I bet she cheated to get into Yale, too. 458 00:37:50,701 --> 00:37:53,534 I bet she took your spot. 459 00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:55,936 Whittman, break your huddle. 460 00:37:56,007 --> 00:37:58,145 All right, guys, here's your choice. 461 00:37:58,158 --> 00:38:00,307 We can beat them fair and square. I promise we can. 462 00:38:00,578 --> 00:38:03,615 Or, we could put an eternal stain on their lives. 463 00:38:03,628 --> 00:38:06,676 It's your call. Yale's your white whale. 464 00:38:06,751 --> 00:38:08,582 Eternal stain. 465 00:38:08,653 --> 00:38:09,847 All right, just be cool. 466 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:10,909 I can't be cool. 467 00:38:10,988 --> 00:38:13,115 Oh, god. 468 00:38:14,759 --> 00:38:16,954 My earring. 469 00:38:21,599 --> 00:38:23,624 Whoo! 470 00:38:23,701 --> 00:38:25,134 Daniel, my brother, Turran. 471 00:38:27,838 --> 00:38:34,835 My country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty. 472 00:38:47,625 --> 00:38:50,617 I know you saw that sign. 473 00:38:50,695 --> 00:38:53,630 Yeah, I saw it. 474 00:39:42,813 --> 00:39:47,409 Here we are at Harvard... smartest place on Earth. 475 00:39:51,455 --> 00:39:53,923 This is the freshman dorm, Adams house. 476 00:39:53,991 --> 00:39:56,926 Some of the rooms have fireplaces. 477 00:39:56,994 --> 00:39:58,962 Get over it. 478 00:40:03,300 --> 00:40:04,892 What are you doing? 479 00:40:04,969 --> 00:40:08,700 What does it look like I'm doing? 480 00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:47,871 What's the high score in this machine? 481 00:40:47,945 --> 00:40:52,439 I'm wearing watermelon lip gloss. 482 00:40:58,956 --> 00:41:00,753 The flavor is disappearing, can you put on some more? 483 00:41:00,825 --> 00:41:02,224 I have cherry, too. 484 00:41:02,293 --> 00:41:05,285 No, this is the one. This is definitely the one. 485 00:41:15,005 --> 00:41:16,768 You're a really good kisser, Eli. 486 00:41:16,841 --> 00:41:18,866 Thanks. 487 00:41:18,943 --> 00:41:24,108 We can't do this all day... unless it leads somewhere else. 488 00:41:24,181 --> 00:41:25,773 Like where? 489 00:41:25,850 --> 00:41:28,318 Like my neck. 490 00:41:28,385 --> 00:41:30,012 What about your neck? 491 00:41:30,087 --> 00:41:31,952 Kiss it. 492 00:41:32,022 --> 00:41:33,887 Okay. 493 00:41:42,933 --> 00:41:44,924 That feels so good. 494 00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:48,998 Now the other side. 495 00:41:49,073 --> 00:41:50,335 You mean... okay. 496 00:42:04,088 --> 00:42:05,817 Eli. 497 00:42:05,890 --> 00:42:07,551 Yeah? 498 00:42:07,825 --> 00:42:09,156 Do you have a roommate? 499 00:42:09,226 --> 00:42:11,456 No. 500 00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:13,463 You should invite me over. 501 00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:20,061 You know, me being on campus might make me into a crazy woman. 502 00:42:26,243 --> 00:42:28,683 Did you know that every time you recall a memory, 503 00:42:28,696 --> 00:42:31,146 you're making the whole thing up from scratch? 504 00:42:31,215 --> 00:42:34,343 That's ridiculous, my memories are exactly the same every time. 505 00:42:34,418 --> 00:42:39,355 Oh, okay. What was I wearing when we met? 506 00:42:39,423 --> 00:42:40,947 Nothing. 507 00:42:41,025 --> 00:42:42,959 Come on, I'm trying to do science here. 508 00:42:43,027 --> 00:42:46,485 Don't you need test tubes or something like that? 509 00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:50,864 What color lipstick did your wife wear at your wedding? Hm? 510 00:42:50,935 --> 00:42:52,493 How did you know that I was married? 511 00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:57,007 It's written all over you. Divorced guy goes to college. 512 00:42:57,074 --> 00:42:59,565 Not a good look, is it? 513 00:42:59,643 --> 00:43:01,838 It's not a look, it's a life. 514 00:43:01,912 --> 00:43:04,005 Hey, you want to go back to my room? 515 00:43:04,081 --> 00:43:07,346 Sure, I still have 20 more pages before we have a sex break. 516 00:43:07,418 --> 00:43:12,287 Okay, fine, no highlighting, no looking stuff up, no dog-earing pages. 517 00:43:12,356 --> 00:43:13,323 Deal. 518 00:43:13,390 --> 00:43:14,379 Deal. 519 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:17,957 - Divorce is sexy. - Really? 520 00:43:18,028 --> 00:43:20,519 Yeah, as long as you don't have any brats running around you. 521 00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:22,930 Uh-huh. 522 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:28,097 Yo, Laird wants a truce, he's all fruity for you or something. 523 00:43:28,172 --> 00:43:32,871 Atruce, huh? Okay, take this, you need it. 524 00:43:34,078 --> 00:43:35,067 Laird. 525 00:43:35,145 --> 00:43:39,172 Pettifog. 526 00:43:42,453 --> 00:43:43,933 Tell me we're going to beat Princeton. 527 00:43:43,954 --> 00:43:45,251 We're gonna beat Princeton. 528 00:43:45,322 --> 00:43:47,051 Tell me we're going to the Final Four. 529 00:43:47,124 --> 00:43:48,955 Final Four? We're going all the way. 530 00:43:49,026 --> 00:43:51,620 Did you just promise me a national championship? 531 00:43:51,695 --> 00:43:54,323 I'm guaranteeing it. 532 00:43:54,398 --> 00:43:56,559 I believe you, Eli. 533 00:43:56,634 --> 00:44:00,661 I believe that you can restore glory to Whittman athletics and make us whole again. 534 00:44:00,938 --> 00:44:02,428 Yeah, I promise I will. 535 00:44:02,506 --> 00:44:08,035 But if you fail, I will make you retarded with my fist. 536 00:44:08,112 --> 00:44:09,943 Okay. 537 00:44:29,700 --> 00:44:33,466 I'm gonna make this the worst year of your shitty, little life. 538 00:44:33,537 --> 00:44:38,600 But if you fail, I will make you retarded with my fist. 539 00:44:41,078 --> 00:44:47,017 We're not dumb! We're not dumb! We're not dumb! 540 00:44:47,084 --> 00:44:48,346 We're not dumb! We're not dumb! 541 00:44:48,419 --> 00:44:51,582 Hey, I'm Eli Pettifog, ask me anything. 542 00:44:55,392 --> 00:44:57,724 Yo, this is total commitment. 543 00:44:57,995 --> 00:44:59,326 What are you talking about? 544 00:44:59,396 --> 00:45:02,092 Pettifog, he means it. 545 00:45:02,166 --> 00:45:03,690 Let me see that. 546 00:45:08,138 --> 00:45:11,972 Oh, please, that's Kiss, we're the Beatles. 547 00:45:13,610 --> 00:45:14,110 Tigers! 548 00:45:18,048 --> 00:45:21,245 We're not dumb! We're not dumb! We're not dumb! 549 00:45:21,318 --> 00:45:23,582 Win this one, we make it to the Final Four. 550 00:45:23,654 --> 00:45:27,055 My father will kill me. '69 team lost to Princeton. 551 00:45:27,124 --> 00:45:28,648 You afraid of your father? 552 00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:30,159 Everybody is afraid of their father. 553 00:45:30,227 --> 00:45:31,387 I can't believe how nervous I am. 554 00:45:31,462 --> 00:45:33,487 You've got no reason to be nervous. 555 00:45:33,564 --> 00:45:36,260 No, I know, I was just trying to make you feel useful. 556 00:45:36,333 --> 00:45:41,532 Just get up there and give it all the brains you got. 557 00:45:41,605 --> 00:45:46,474 We're not dumb! We're not dumb! We're not dumb! We're not dumb! 558 00:45:50,781 --> 00:45:55,582 Good evening and welcome to Collegiate Mastermind. 559 00:46:03,494 --> 00:46:09,592 All right, the first question is a toss-up worth ten points. 560 00:46:09,666 --> 00:46:14,694 Which president created a company slogan by describing a certain brand of coffee... 561 00:46:14,772 --> 00:46:17,366 as being "good to the last drop"? 562 00:46:17,441 --> 00:46:19,375 Teddy Roosevelt. 563 00:46:19,443 --> 00:46:21,138 Correct. 564 00:46:24,648 --> 00:46:30,484 Here's your bonus. In Italy, what is the average age of a barista? 565 00:46:30,554 --> 00:46:31,612 48. 566 00:46:31,688 --> 00:46:33,280 Nicely done. 567 00:46:37,194 --> 00:46:43,190 Toss-up now. What is the longest word ever used by a presidential press secretary? 568 00:46:43,267 --> 00:46:45,701 Floxinoxinihilipilification. 569 00:46:45,769 --> 00:46:49,296 That's the word. Here's your bonus. 570 00:46:49,373 --> 00:46:52,729 What is the longest word in the English language 571 00:46:52,742 --> 00:46:56,108 whose letters can be played on the piano? 572 00:47:00,417 --> 00:47:01,406 Cabbaged. 573 00:47:01,485 --> 00:47:05,182 Musical. Toss-up. 574 00:47:05,255 --> 00:47:08,309 How much money did Abraham Lincoln have in 575 00:47:08,322 --> 00:47:11,387 his pocket at the time of his assassination? 576 00:47:11,461 --> 00:47:13,088 Five dollars in Confederate money. 577 00:47:13,163 --> 00:47:16,826 Nice shot, Whittman, all the way to the bank. 578 00:47:21,905 --> 00:47:26,342 I want to have your baby! 579 00:47:26,410 --> 00:47:32,371 Here's your bonus. What is the average life span of a U.S. dollar in circulation? 580 00:47:32,449 --> 00:47:33,473 18 months. 581 00:47:33,550 --> 00:47:35,814 Correct. 582 00:47:39,857 --> 00:47:41,415 Such an intense sport. 583 00:47:41,491 --> 00:47:42,583 It's all in the coaching. 584 00:47:42,659 --> 00:47:45,423 Toss-up. Who wrote Fart Proudly? 585 00:47:45,495 --> 00:47:46,757 Benjamin Franklin. 586 00:47:46,830 --> 00:47:49,128 - Exactly. - Nostalgie De La Boue. 587 00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:51,224 - Bingo. - 28,420. 588 00:47:51,301 --> 00:47:53,166 Well done! 589 00:47:53,237 --> 00:47:59,176 Bella Abzug. The Stockholm Syndrome. The number one. 590 00:47:59,243 --> 00:48:02,337 Banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories per hour. 591 00:48:02,412 --> 00:48:06,815 On average, right-handed people live nine years longer than left-handed people. 592 00:48:06,884 --> 00:48:08,215 Mike Huckabee. 593 00:48:08,285 --> 00:48:11,345 The mainland tiger snake. 594 00:48:11,421 --> 00:48:16,449 The two presidents who's names contain the letters that form criminal... 595 00:48:16,526 --> 00:48:19,825 are Richard Millhouse Nixon and William Jefferson Clinton. 596 00:48:19,897 --> 00:48:24,834 If Barbie were life-size, she would stand 7 feet, 2 inches. 597 00:48:30,374 --> 00:48:36,574 Whoo! It is a tight race, if I do say so myself. 598 00:48:36,647 --> 00:48:43,746 This final question will determine which team will go to the Final Four. 599 00:48:43,820 --> 00:48:45,651 Teams at your buzzers. 600 00:48:57,267 --> 00:49:02,261 Who first said, "Elvis has left the building"? 601 00:49:02,339 --> 00:49:03,271 Whittman! 602 00:49:03,340 --> 00:49:04,534 Horace Lee Logan! 603 00:49:04,608 --> 00:49:08,339 Holy shit, that's right. 604 00:49:08,412 --> 00:49:11,848 Princeton loses! Princeton loses! 605 00:49:11,915 --> 00:49:14,907 And Whittman College advances to the Final Four! 606 00:49:14,985 --> 00:49:18,216 We're not dumb! We're not dumb! 607 00:49:27,631 --> 00:49:31,897 Whoa, whoa, whoa, kid, now that's over the line. 608 00:49:35,038 --> 00:49:36,869 I can't believe it. 609 00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:03,322 Yo. 610 00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:04,492 Yo. 611 00:50:18,582 --> 00:50:20,709 Hey, Pettifog. 612 00:50:20,784 --> 00:50:23,947 I have registered mail. 613 00:50:24,021 --> 00:50:27,428 You know what, Pettifog? You're no Pettifog. 614 00:50:27,441 --> 00:50:30,859 You're an angel of knowledge with a kinky halo. 615 00:50:30,927 --> 00:50:33,987 Saw you the other night, awesome. 616 00:50:34,064 --> 00:50:36,624 Thanks. 617 00:50:36,700 --> 00:50:41,069 Hey, Pettifog? Hi-ya! 618 00:50:47,878 --> 00:50:52,440 What? Oh, shit, no! 619 00:50:52,516 --> 00:50:55,610 To the academic building, and the first thing we're gonna do is... 620 00:50:55,685 --> 00:50:58,205 Uh, question, what is the student bathroom ratio on this campus? 621 00:50:59,656 --> 00:51:00,850 Sophie? 622 00:51:00,924 --> 00:51:03,791 Yes. Who are you? 623 00:51:03,860 --> 00:51:07,956 Um... I'm Leo Searly. 624 00:51:10,667 --> 00:51:12,999 My bio dad? 625 00:51:13,070 --> 00:51:15,470 Your father. 626 00:51:15,539 --> 00:51:20,704 No. That's my father. 627 00:51:20,777 --> 00:51:22,574 Don't tell me you're a professor here. 628 00:51:22,646 --> 00:51:26,776 No, uh, yes? I'm not tenured yet, well... 629 00:51:26,850 --> 00:51:33,517 You left when I was seven, and now you're teaching at my top college choice? 630 00:51:33,590 --> 00:51:37,356 You're ruining my life all over again. 631 00:51:37,427 --> 00:51:39,987 And you don't even care that you're ruining my life. 632 00:51:40,063 --> 00:51:43,794 All you care about is Leo Searly. 633 00:51:43,867 --> 00:51:51,467 Three-time loser and pathetic Peter Pan. 634 00:51:51,541 --> 00:51:54,101 Soph... Sophie, just give me another chance. 635 00:51:59,049 --> 00:52:01,779 She ain't here, Fuzzy. 636 00:52:08,492 --> 00:52:12,394 Read it. Read the letter! 637 00:52:18,568 --> 00:52:22,470 Collegiate Mastermind... Dear Eli Pettifog... 638 00:52:22,539 --> 00:52:25,565 The Collegiate Mastermind Committee hereby suspends you... 639 00:52:25,642 --> 00:52:30,102 from the semi-final match of this year's Final Four for actions unbecoming? 640 00:52:30,180 --> 00:52:33,081 La-Ia-Ia... section four, code 93... 641 00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:36,085 You're not even allowed in the building. Is this for real? 642 00:52:36,153 --> 00:52:39,714 Yes, it's for real, this is your fault, Leo. 643 00:52:39,789 --> 00:52:42,121 You got me the team jackets. You got me the van. 644 00:52:42,192 --> 00:52:45,821 You made me popular. How could you do those things? 645 00:52:45,896 --> 00:52:48,490 I knew I shouldn't have enrolled you in karate classes. 646 00:52:48,565 --> 00:52:53,730 That's typical Leo Searly sarcasm. You just don't care about anyone or anything. 647 00:52:55,939 --> 00:52:58,601 Jesus Christ, I can't believe this is happening. 648 00:52:58,675 --> 00:53:01,803 I had Harvard dangling over the falls, Leo. 649 00:53:01,878 --> 00:53:04,210 You have to do something about this. 650 00:53:04,481 --> 00:53:05,550 You have to go to the Collegiate Mastermind 651 00:53:05,563 --> 00:53:06,642 headquarters and you have to set them straight. 652 00:53:06,716 --> 00:53:07,978 I can't do that. 653 00:53:08,051 --> 00:53:09,211 Why not? 654 00:53:09,486 --> 00:53:11,750 You just burst in their offices... 655 00:53:11,821 --> 00:53:14,688 you tell them you're my father and they're messing with my destiny or something. 656 00:53:14,758 --> 00:53:18,819 You know that there are some things that you just can't change. 657 00:53:25,769 --> 00:53:28,704 I thought you were afraid to talk to me? 658 00:53:28,772 --> 00:53:32,765 I've been suspended from the semi-final match. 659 00:53:32,842 --> 00:53:38,974 For karate? You idiot. 660 00:53:39,049 --> 00:53:42,246 I know, but they never even warned me. 661 00:53:42,519 --> 00:53:45,079 I hope you consider coming to Whittman, you're a wonderful candidate. 662 00:53:45,155 --> 00:53:46,144 Thank you so much. 663 00:53:46,223 --> 00:53:48,555 - Okay, see you. Bye-bye. - Bye. 664 00:53:48,625 --> 00:53:52,254 Do you ever consider the possibility that maybe you're the patsy in all this? 665 00:53:52,529 --> 00:53:54,690 I was set up? Why would I be set up? 666 00:53:54,764 --> 00:53:57,665 Look, they used you to bring attention to the Mastermind. 667 00:53:57,734 --> 00:54:00,828 But at the end of the day, they were never gonna let you win. 668 00:54:00,904 --> 00:54:02,565 You're collegiate white trash. 669 00:54:02,639 --> 00:54:04,664 You're even more paranoid than I am. 670 00:54:04,741 --> 00:54:07,209 Things like this happen all the time. 671 00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:11,775 Hi. 672 00:54:11,848 --> 00:54:13,611 Hi. 673 00:54:13,683 --> 00:54:15,548 Hello. 674 00:54:15,619 --> 00:54:17,177 Hello. 675 00:54:17,254 --> 00:54:21,281 I've been looking all over for you. What are you doing here? 676 00:54:21,558 --> 00:54:25,619 Um, I just finished my interview and then the campus store. 677 00:54:25,695 --> 00:54:28,186 Now I'm in the library, which is awesome. 678 00:54:28,265 --> 00:54:32,668 I'm a little bit confused. Are you applying for an after-school job or something? 679 00:54:32,736 --> 00:54:37,196 No, um... I'm applying as a student to Whittman College, Eli. 680 00:54:37,274 --> 00:54:42,576 I thought you were 15. Have you been lying to me about your age? 681 00:54:42,646 --> 00:54:46,309 I am 15, and I'm a high school senior. 682 00:54:49,352 --> 00:54:51,616 Why wouldn't you tell me that? 683 00:54:51,688 --> 00:54:54,020 Because I thought you wouldn't like it. 684 00:54:54,090 --> 00:54:59,551 And... why didn't you tell me about the Collegiate Mastermind? Hm? 685 00:55:02,799 --> 00:55:05,131 Is is because you wanted to keep your townie girlfriend... 686 00:55:05,201 --> 00:55:07,567 as far away from your real life as you can? 687 00:55:07,637 --> 00:55:09,662 I'm a townie, too, you know. 688 00:55:09,739 --> 00:55:11,570 Then act like one. 689 00:55:14,344 --> 00:55:17,905 You better go get her, Eli. Girls like that don't grow in chat rooms. 690 00:55:21,351 --> 00:55:23,182 And brush your hair. 691 00:56:01,825 --> 00:56:03,156 Shit! 692 00:56:08,698 --> 00:56:10,393 Dance. 693 00:56:15,205 --> 00:56:16,194 Good shot. 694 00:56:19,876 --> 00:56:22,845 Hey, Leo? How are your testicles? 695 00:56:22,912 --> 00:56:24,743 Hanging in there. 696 00:56:26,816 --> 00:56:28,807 Yeah, you are. 697 00:56:40,397 --> 00:56:46,802 Pettifog. Pettifog. 698 00:56:46,870 --> 00:56:49,930 Pettifog! 699 00:56:50,006 --> 00:56:55,444 I am one gloomy dick, Pettifog. 700 00:56:57,881 --> 00:56:59,439 What's wrong? 701 00:56:59,716 --> 00:57:05,712 What's wrong? You got suspended. We're gonna lose. 702 00:57:05,789 --> 00:57:08,087 Where'd you hear that? 703 00:57:08,158 --> 00:57:12,891 Everywhere. 704 00:57:12,962 --> 00:57:15,294 It's not true. 705 00:57:15,365 --> 00:57:18,425 It's not? 706 00:57:18,501 --> 00:57:25,373 No... it's... it's a ruse to lull the opponent. 707 00:57:25,442 --> 00:57:28,900 To a false sense of security. 708 00:57:28,978 --> 00:57:31,378 Nobody knows but you and me. 709 00:57:33,049 --> 00:57:35,017 That's just ingenious. 710 00:57:37,287 --> 00:57:44,819 So, you still guarantee complete annihilation and total victory? 711 00:57:44,894 --> 00:57:47,021 100 percent. 712 00:57:47,096 --> 00:57:49,064 How about another 10? That's 110 percent. 713 00:57:52,869 --> 00:57:54,962 There's no such thing. 714 00:57:55,038 --> 00:57:57,768 I don't care. 715 00:58:02,912 --> 00:58:06,780 Sophie? 716 00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:13,923 This was the car you were gonna teach me to drive in. 717 00:58:18,361 --> 00:58:20,124 Well, why don't we do that right now? 718 00:58:20,196 --> 00:58:22,460 I already know how to drive. 719 00:58:27,537 --> 00:58:31,530 You know I'm not really a professor here, right? 720 00:58:31,808 --> 00:58:35,300 I know, you're a freshman. 721 00:58:35,378 --> 00:58:39,542 Which is 50-50 creepy to cool. 722 00:58:43,953 --> 00:58:46,012 I was sure you hated me, I... 723 00:58:46,089 --> 00:58:49,422 I did, until I saw you. 724 00:58:49,492 --> 00:58:55,397 But you're such a lost goofball, I can't help but not hate you. 725 00:58:55,465 --> 00:58:57,865 Do you feel sorry for me? 726 00:58:57,934 --> 00:58:59,196 Yeah. 727 00:58:59,269 --> 00:59:02,204 Well, that's sweet. 728 00:59:02,272 --> 00:59:04,103 Are you thinking of coming to Whittman? 729 00:59:04,173 --> 00:59:08,234 How would you feel about that? I mean, it could be weird. 730 00:59:08,311 --> 00:59:11,633 Well... I don't know, thrilled that my daughter 731 00:59:11,646 --> 00:59:14,978 is following after her scholarly father. 732 00:59:18,521 --> 00:59:19,852 What kind of grades you get? 733 00:59:19,923 --> 00:59:22,255 - Straight A's. - Yeah? 734 00:59:22,325 --> 00:59:24,589 It's no big deal, it's public school. 735 00:59:24,861 --> 00:59:27,591 Still, that's great, straight A's. 736 00:59:30,266 --> 00:59:31,927 Can you afford it? 737 00:59:32,001 --> 00:59:35,437 No, I can't afford it. 738 00:59:35,505 --> 00:59:38,440 Well, you know, maybe there's something I can do to help you out tuition-wise. 739 00:59:38,508 --> 00:59:42,171 Are you serious? You would do that? 740 00:59:42,245 --> 00:59:49,083 Yeah, um, I'm not making any promises, but I'll see what I can do. Um... 741 00:59:49,152 --> 00:59:53,521 I didn't come here for that, you know? 742 00:59:53,590 --> 00:59:56,991 I know, look, I know, I know, I know. I know. 743 01:01:01,958 --> 01:01:03,949 - Hi. - Hi. 744 01:01:04,027 --> 01:01:08,964 I can't see you anymore. I'm sorry. Can I come in? 745 01:01:09,032 --> 01:01:11,330 Yeah, why can't you see me anymore? 746 01:01:11,401 --> 01:01:18,170 Well, because I just ran into my daughter and I haven't seen her in a long time. 747 01:01:18,241 --> 01:01:26,241 And it's just a little bit creepy, because she kind of looks like... you get it? 748 01:01:26,449 --> 01:01:28,644 That is so psychological. 749 01:01:28,718 --> 01:01:34,281 Some kind of pathological narcissistic father-daughter disorder or something. 750 01:01:34,357 --> 01:01:40,387 Well, thanks very much, and I'll see you around campus. 751 01:01:40,463 --> 01:01:43,557 You sure you don't want to hang out and study for a while? 752 01:01:43,633 --> 01:01:51,631 Wow, um, uh... gosh, I'm gonna go... 753 01:02:41,624 --> 01:02:46,254 Leo... what the hell are you doing here? 754 01:02:46,329 --> 01:02:49,696 Hi, Benny, how are you? 755 01:02:49,766 --> 01:02:52,172 Well, I've got a lot of things I could complain about, 756 01:02:52,185 --> 01:02:54,601 but try to say only good things. 757 01:02:54,670 --> 01:02:58,037 So, all right, what's up with you? 758 01:02:58,107 --> 01:03:00,200 Oh, I'm here to place a bet, Benny. 759 01:03:00,276 --> 01:03:03,336 Leo, you know that I'll never take your bet, not ever. 760 01:03:03,412 --> 01:03:05,092 Now what kind of bookie doesn't take a bet? 761 01:03:05,148 --> 01:03:07,673 The kind who feels guilty for ruining your life. 762 01:03:07,750 --> 01:03:12,483 But this is a good bet. It's a bet with conscience. 763 01:03:12,555 --> 01:03:14,750 Look, I'm sorry, Leo, can't do it. 764 01:03:16,325 --> 01:03:18,657 Benny, take my bet. 765 01:03:18,728 --> 01:03:20,480 Would you please get up off the ground? The sight 766 01:03:20,493 --> 01:03:22,255 of you down there is very disturbing to me. 767 01:03:22,331 --> 01:03:26,062 I'm not getting up until you take my bet. 768 01:03:26,135 --> 01:03:28,330 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 769 01:03:28,404 --> 01:03:29,701 - Oh, yeah? - Hm. 770 01:03:29,772 --> 01:03:32,400 Really? 771 01:03:32,475 --> 01:03:35,239 I'm not getting up until you get out of here, you understand? 772 01:03:35,311 --> 01:03:38,678 Look at you, Benny. You're on your knees in your own office. 773 01:03:38,748 --> 01:03:42,775 Look at you, you're begging me to ruin your life all over again. 774 01:03:42,852 --> 01:03:44,843 I'm trying to pay for my daughter's tuition. 775 01:03:45,121 --> 01:03:47,112 Yeah. 776 01:03:47,190 --> 01:03:49,181 Do you have any idea how much it costs to go to college these days? 777 01:03:49,258 --> 01:03:51,089 I don't know, like 20 grand? 778 01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:52,650 Try 50 large. 779 01:03:52,728 --> 01:03:55,322 50 large? Who the hell can afford that? 780 01:03:55,398 --> 01:04:00,131 I got 25, if I double it, then Sophie can go to school for a year. 781 01:04:00,203 --> 01:04:02,763 All right, what's the bet? 782 01:04:02,839 --> 01:04:05,103 Harvard to take it all. 783 01:04:05,174 --> 01:04:06,607 Harvard? What are they gonna win? 784 01:04:06,676 --> 01:04:08,507 Collegiate Mastermind. 785 01:04:08,578 --> 01:04:10,512 What the hell is Collegiate Mastermind? 786 01:04:10,580 --> 01:04:12,844 Well, it's kind of like Jeopardy, but without the money. 787 01:04:12,915 --> 01:04:16,952 No money? What's the point? 788 01:04:16,953 --> 01:04:17,248 No money? What's the point? 789 01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:22,280 You are going to win the Collegiate Mastermind National Championship. Say it. 790 01:04:22,358 --> 01:04:25,691 You are going to win the Collegiate Mastermind... 791 01:04:25,761 --> 01:04:29,629 Stop. Stop. Not me, you. Please say it again. 792 01:04:29,699 --> 01:04:32,668 How can we win the Collegiate Mastermind National Championship? 793 01:04:32,735 --> 01:04:36,364 We haven't answered one single question during the whole season. 794 01:04:36,439 --> 01:04:38,737 Well, you didn't answer the questions, but you knew the answers, right? 795 01:04:38,808 --> 01:04:40,799 I didn't. 796 01:04:40,877 --> 01:04:44,313 Not even one third of the answers? One out of every three questions? 797 01:04:44,380 --> 01:04:48,316 I did, I knew about a third. 798 01:04:48,384 --> 01:04:50,511 Yeah, I guess I did, too. 799 01:04:50,586 --> 01:04:54,317 Okay, and Alan knew the other third, so the three of you guys make up one of me. 800 01:04:54,390 --> 01:04:55,789 But... 801 01:04:55,858 --> 01:04:58,656 You're pussies. You guys are total pussies. 802 01:04:58,728 --> 01:05:03,563 And pussies need balls, so get some balls, guys. 803 01:05:03,633 --> 01:05:08,661 Can you seriously picture Alan with balls? 804 01:05:08,738 --> 01:05:09,796 Mm? 805 01:05:09,872 --> 01:05:12,864 Eli. 806 01:05:12,942 --> 01:05:13,909 Alan? 807 01:05:13,976 --> 01:05:16,570 Up here, Eli. 808 01:05:16,646 --> 01:05:20,309 Last night, I had a dream. 809 01:05:20,383 --> 01:05:23,318 The Poughkeepsie Music Hall... 810 01:05:23,386 --> 01:05:28,551 Poughkeepsie, New York, semi-final match of the Final Four... 811 01:05:28,624 --> 01:05:33,527 I was nailing question after question. 812 01:05:33,596 --> 01:05:36,360 How did it end? In your triumph? 813 01:05:36,432 --> 01:05:38,457 Nope. 814 01:05:38,534 --> 01:05:43,597 Ended when I mutated into a rabbit and shitted all over the stage. 815 01:05:43,673 --> 01:05:48,838 You weren't a rabbit, you idiot. You were a Warring Hare. 816 01:05:49,912 --> 01:05:52,278 - Really? - Yes. 817 01:05:53,516 --> 01:05:55,450 But what does the shit signify? 818 01:05:55,518 --> 01:05:57,543 Purging of your doubts. 819 01:05:58,854 --> 01:06:03,257 Man... I got a lot of doubts. 820 01:07:08,758 --> 01:07:12,421 Because Harvard's burning. 821 01:07:12,495 --> 01:07:14,656 Turn off the municipal water system. 822 01:07:14,730 --> 01:07:16,527 Because Harvard's burning. 823 01:07:16,599 --> 01:07:18,294 Something smells good. 824 01:07:18,367 --> 01:07:23,031 Because Harvard's burning. 825 01:07:28,844 --> 01:07:29,868 We're here. 826 01:07:31,547 --> 01:07:32,707 Okay, now I'm nervous. 827 01:07:32,782 --> 01:07:34,079 I'm gonna try and get in anyway. 828 01:07:34,350 --> 01:07:35,942 Good luck to us all. 829 01:07:40,756 --> 01:07:42,815 Warring Hares from leafy Whittman College. 830 01:07:45,528 --> 01:07:47,860 Searly, Leo. 831 01:07:47,930 --> 01:07:50,763 Pettifog, I can't let you in the building until after the semi-finals. 832 01:07:50,833 --> 01:07:51,959 - What are you talking about? - He's the best... 833 01:07:52,034 --> 01:07:53,695 - Excuse me. - Okay, you're b... 834 01:07:53,769 --> 01:07:54,827 - What are you talking about? - I'll watch the guys. 835 01:07:54,904 --> 01:07:56,963 I can't let you in. Sorry. 836 01:07:57,039 --> 01:07:58,870 There's something very different about you this year. 837 01:07:58,941 --> 01:08:00,465 The moustache... my moustache came in. 838 01:08:00,543 --> 01:08:01,510 It's not your moustache. 839 01:08:01,577 --> 01:08:03,044 Moustache is in. 840 01:08:03,112 --> 01:08:05,740 Something I can't quite run my fingers through. 841 01:08:05,815 --> 01:08:06,907 You know, Spencer... 842 01:08:06,982 --> 01:08:08,415 We're on, guys. 843 01:08:08,484 --> 01:08:09,416 I'm sorry, here we go. 844 01:08:14,390 --> 01:08:17,382 Ooh, we have arrived. 845 01:08:17,460 --> 01:08:20,452 Fruit plate. 846 01:08:20,529 --> 01:08:21,655 You know Shrek's wife Fiona? 847 01:08:21,730 --> 01:08:22,924 Mm-hm. 848 01:08:22,998 --> 01:08:25,023 I bet her hoo-hah looks just like this. 849 01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:28,366 Why did it take you so long to say something romantic? 850 01:08:28,437 --> 01:08:34,398 Hey, guys, let's bring it in. Huddle up... into a square. 851 01:08:34,477 --> 01:08:35,842 Circle, triangle, whatever. 852 01:08:35,911 --> 01:08:38,379 Are you gonna psyche us up instead of Eli? 853 01:08:38,447 --> 01:08:41,154 In my own way. You made it to the Final Four. 854 01:08:41,167 --> 01:08:43,885 You're already winners, right? 855 01:08:43,953 --> 01:08:49,858 Right, right? Right. Let's take a moment to cherish that. 856 01:08:56,532 --> 01:08:59,831 This is something that you're going to share with your children. 857 01:08:59,902 --> 01:09:05,169 The foundation of good character is based on losing. 858 01:09:05,441 --> 01:09:12,176 In fact, what makes a good winner... is a good loser. 859 01:09:15,084 --> 01:09:21,421 What's the difference between winning and losing? 860 01:09:21,490 --> 01:09:24,050 Except joy and pain. 861 01:09:24,126 --> 01:09:29,758 So, let's go out there with our heads held high... and lose one. 862 01:09:29,832 --> 01:09:31,891 In that old Whittman style. 863 01:09:33,903 --> 01:09:35,928 - We're coming to you live... - Coming to you live. 864 01:09:36,005 --> 01:09:38,132 ...from the Poughkeepsie Music Hall and what a beautiful venue this is. 865 01:09:38,207 --> 01:09:39,765 Gorgeous down there. 866 01:09:39,842 --> 01:09:42,936 Where the Stanford Cardinal will be taking on the... 867 01:09:43,012 --> 01:09:45,503 Whittman Warring Hares of Whittman College. 868 01:09:45,581 --> 01:09:49,483 Who are playing without their star, Eli Pettifog, who is... 869 01:09:49,552 --> 01:09:52,152 He's been suspended. He's been suspended one game for showboating. 870 01:09:52,221 --> 01:09:54,485 He's gonna be back if they advance to the Finals. 871 01:09:55,558 --> 01:09:56,923 What is up with you? 872 01:09:56,992 --> 01:09:59,688 This Whittman thong is itching me something fierce. 873 01:09:59,762 --> 01:10:02,060 Can we have tickets? I really need tickets. 874 01:10:02,131 --> 01:10:05,999 Shit! Shit. 875 01:10:14,910 --> 01:10:18,141 Why were you acting so creepy in the library? 876 01:10:18,214 --> 01:10:23,550 I don't know. Why were you acting so creepy in the library? 877 01:10:25,955 --> 01:10:31,257 I just... I just came over... 878 01:10:31,527 --> 01:10:33,222 I'm sorry. 879 01:10:33,295 --> 01:10:34,956 Yeah, sorry. 880 01:10:39,235 --> 01:10:40,862 Oh, I have lip gloss. 881 01:10:40,936 --> 01:10:43,598 No, screw the lip gloss, okay? 882 01:10:50,846 --> 01:10:52,814 Yo, good luck, Stanford. 883 01:10:57,753 --> 01:11:01,655 Remember, guys, even without Pettifog, the Hares are still dangerous. 884 01:11:01,724 --> 01:11:07,094 Bullshit. Without Pettifog, they can't even spell Pettifog. 885 01:11:07,162 --> 01:11:11,189 Hey, watch the karma violation. 886 01:11:11,267 --> 01:11:15,294 Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon. 887 01:11:15,571 --> 01:11:18,563 You come and go. 888 01:11:18,641 --> 01:11:21,838 You come and go. 889 01:11:24,346 --> 01:11:28,009 Oh, shit. 890 01:11:28,083 --> 01:11:32,110 Stanford Cardinal, please report backstage to check in. 891 01:11:32,187 --> 01:11:35,623 Final call, final call, Stanford Cardinal. 892 01:11:35,691 --> 01:11:38,051 We're currently waiting for the Stanford Cardinal to arrive. 893 01:11:38,060 --> 01:11:41,223 I think it's a mind game. I think what Stanford is doing is a mind game. 894 01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:45,165 I think they're just trying to upset these Whittman Warring Hares by not showing up. 895 01:11:45,234 --> 01:11:47,725 - I think it's bad karma, myself. - Yeah. 896 01:11:47,803 --> 01:11:50,101 I don't know where they are. I saw the in the hotel this morning at breakfast. 897 01:11:50,172 --> 01:11:52,492 A little bleary-eyed, probably from studying 898 01:11:52,505 --> 01:11:54,836 and/or partying they did last night. 899 01:11:54,910 --> 01:11:57,140 But they look great, these kids... 900 01:11:57,212 --> 01:11:59,840 we all shared some of the cottage cheese. I got a bowl of cottage cheese there. 901 01:11:59,915 --> 01:12:01,906 Really? 902 01:12:01,984 --> 01:12:04,043 Put some sugar on it yourself and grab yourself a pineapple ring... 903 01:12:04,119 --> 01:12:06,212 and put the cottage cheese on there. 904 01:12:06,288 --> 01:12:09,780 And load that sucker with sugar and have yourself some delicious French roast... 905 01:12:09,858 --> 01:12:12,258 that they have at the continental breakfast, a croissant, maybe? 906 01:12:12,328 --> 01:12:13,818 Right. 907 01:12:13,896 --> 01:12:16,228 Do not let them get into your head, Gertrude. 908 01:12:16,298 --> 01:12:18,026 The match should have started 20 minutes ago. 909 01:12:18,039 --> 01:12:19,778 Those Stanford fools are driving me crazy. 910 01:12:22,771 --> 01:12:25,171 Good afternoon, Whittman. 911 01:12:25,240 --> 01:12:27,458 The Stanford Cardinal have failed to appear... 912 01:12:27,471 --> 01:12:29,700 and are disqualified. 913 01:12:32,314 --> 01:12:37,251 Congratulations, you advance to the Finals. 914 01:12:43,759 --> 01:12:44,193 Benny Greenberg. 915 01:12:44,194 --> 01:12:45,820 Benny Greenberg. 916 01:12:45,894 --> 01:12:51,355 Hi, Benny, it's me, it's Leo. Really be good if I could talk to you. 917 01:12:51,433 --> 01:12:55,062 Hey, so what's Eli's bedroom IQ? 918 01:12:55,137 --> 01:12:57,367 Cut it out, you jerks. Okay? 919 01:12:57,439 --> 01:13:00,931 Seriously, we're about to play the match of our lives. 920 01:13:01,009 --> 01:13:02,374 What should we do? 921 01:13:02,444 --> 01:13:04,708 We'll practice celebrating. 922 01:13:04,780 --> 01:13:07,647 Create a mental picture of Harvard lying on the stage. 923 01:13:07,716 --> 01:13:10,879 You know, they're crying, they're fouling their pants. 924 01:13:10,953 --> 01:13:13,683 They're bleeding from their ears... 925 01:13:13,756 --> 01:13:18,386 and you all are gyrating obscenely over their fallen bodies. Okay? 926 01:13:21,397 --> 01:13:24,025 I want some pie. Do you want some pie? 927 01:13:24,099 --> 01:13:26,226 Yeah. Do you want blueberry? 928 01:13:26,301 --> 01:13:29,964 I heard they have an awesome peach one. Banana... 929 01:13:30,038 --> 01:13:31,699 I actually have to pee. 930 01:13:31,774 --> 01:13:34,709 Oh, I'll be over there. 931 01:13:42,251 --> 01:13:46,085 Dual vivimus vivamus. 932 01:13:46,155 --> 01:13:49,886 While we live, let's live. 933 01:13:49,958 --> 01:13:53,724 Porcellian Club, Harvard's most secret society. 934 01:13:53,796 --> 01:13:57,823 Members often call it "The PC". 935 01:13:57,900 --> 01:14:04,430 And "The Porc". I'm not a member, so I just call it the Porcellian Club. 936 01:14:04,506 --> 01:14:11,241 Nobody is a member until they become a member, but once a member, always a member. 937 01:14:11,313 --> 01:14:12,405 Like an alma mater. 938 01:14:16,218 --> 01:14:18,482 Only much, much better. 939 01:14:18,754 --> 01:14:20,984 Maybe next time around. 940 01:14:21,056 --> 01:14:28,292 Look at me, Eli. There is no next time around. 941 01:14:28,363 --> 01:14:32,322 If you let Harvard win, I can make you a Harvard student. 942 01:14:42,177 --> 01:14:44,475 Consider it. 943 01:14:48,317 --> 01:14:51,223 He said that if I take a dive in the final 944 01:14:51,236 --> 01:14:54,153 match, I go to Harvard on a full scholarship. 945 01:14:54,223 --> 01:14:56,088 Does that include a graduate degree? 946 01:14:56,158 --> 01:14:57,284 Who needs a graduate degree? 947 01:14:57,359 --> 01:14:59,020 Well, what was your answer? 948 01:14:59,094 --> 01:15:03,531 I didn't have one. I still don't have one. 949 01:15:03,799 --> 01:15:08,099 I gotta go, just don't follow me, don't try to find me, agh! 950 01:15:09,338 --> 01:15:12,034 I'm gyrating. I'm gyrating. 951 01:15:12,107 --> 01:15:13,972 No, no, no, it's like this. 952 01:15:16,245 --> 01:15:19,942 You're the rice in my beans, baby. 953 01:15:20,015 --> 01:15:21,505 Uh, hey, is Eli around? 954 01:15:21,583 --> 01:15:24,017 - You guys don't know where he is? - Is something wrong? 955 01:15:24,086 --> 01:15:26,145 Everything is fine. He's probably just getting in the zone all by himself. 956 01:15:26,221 --> 01:15:27,813 What's going on? What's going on, what? 957 01:15:27,890 --> 01:15:28,850 He's obviously not here. 958 01:15:28,891 --> 01:15:29,880 I know he's not here. 959 01:15:29,958 --> 01:15:31,084 So let's go, let's go. 960 01:15:31,159 --> 01:15:32,922 So, later. 961 01:15:55,484 --> 01:15:56,775 - Eli? - Eli. 962 01:15:56,800 --> 01:15:58,052 Eli? 963 01:15:58,053 --> 01:16:00,453 We should go back and wait for him in the dressing room. 964 01:16:00,522 --> 01:16:02,922 What are you talking about? He's not going to the dressing room. 965 01:16:02,991 --> 01:16:05,186 He could be anywhere. 966 01:16:07,129 --> 01:16:10,292 We are live in Poughkeepsie, New York... 967 01:16:10,365 --> 01:16:13,266 for the 49th annual Collegiate Mastermind Tournament Championship. 968 01:16:13,335 --> 01:16:15,360 And right off the bat, we have a shocker. 969 01:16:15,437 --> 01:16:17,234 Oh, boy. 970 01:16:17,306 --> 01:16:21,265 Whittman College's star player Eli Pettifog is a no-show. 971 01:16:21,343 --> 01:16:24,904 I think that their chances have gone from long shot... 972 01:16:24,980 --> 01:16:27,540 to no shot here against the Harvard Crimson ruling elite. 973 01:16:32,588 --> 01:16:35,989 There. 974 01:16:36,058 --> 01:16:37,252 What are you doing, Eli? 975 01:16:37,326 --> 01:16:39,055 Eli. 976 01:16:39,127 --> 01:16:42,290 He can't talk, but his Lego skills are ridiculous. 977 01:16:42,364 --> 01:16:45,026 Hmm. 978 01:16:45,100 --> 01:16:47,091 Come on, let's go. The match is starting. 979 01:16:50,272 --> 01:16:52,103 Keep on building. 980 01:16:54,443 --> 01:16:56,502 Holy shit, no Pettifog. 981 01:16:56,578 --> 01:16:59,206 Oh, no, I forgot to go to the bathroom. 982 01:17:03,151 --> 01:17:05,619 Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen... 983 01:17:05,687 --> 01:17:09,589 and welcome to this year's Collegiate Mastermind Championship Match. 984 01:17:09,658 --> 01:17:12,058 Featuring the Harvard Crimson. 985 01:17:17,332 --> 01:17:20,324 Against the Whittman Warring Hare. 986 01:17:25,507 --> 01:17:28,374 The first question is a toss-up. 987 01:17:28,443 --> 01:17:33,346 When was the stethoscope invented and by whom? 988 01:17:33,415 --> 01:17:38,409 1816, by René-Théophile-Hyacinthe Laennec. 989 01:17:38,487 --> 01:17:41,047 That is right. 990 01:17:41,123 --> 01:17:43,114 Here's your bonus. 991 01:17:43,191 --> 01:17:47,685 Despite her French-sounding name, Marie Curie was from what country? 992 01:17:47,963 --> 01:17:48,691 Poland. 993 01:17:48,964 --> 01:17:50,522 That is right. 994 01:17:53,035 --> 01:17:55,026 Here's a toss-up. 995 01:17:55,103 --> 01:18:00,939 Who was the only Major League pitcher to throw a no-hitter while on LSD? 996 01:18:01,009 --> 01:18:02,374 Doc Ellis. 997 01:18:02,444 --> 01:18:04,469 That is correct. 998 01:18:04,546 --> 01:18:05,945 Where's Pettifog? 999 01:18:06,014 --> 01:18:07,538 Here's your bonus. 1000 01:18:07,616 --> 01:18:11,245 What was the last country to stop legally producing LSD? 1001 01:18:11,319 --> 01:18:13,947 Czechoslovakia in 1975. 1002 01:18:14,022 --> 01:18:16,252 That is right. 1003 01:18:16,324 --> 01:18:20,090 This humiliation is gonna go viral. 1004 01:18:20,162 --> 01:18:25,600 It was Michigan in the semi-finals and now it is a young, plucky band of kids... 1005 01:18:25,667 --> 01:18:28,227 from Whittman College who are feeling Harvard's wrath. 1006 01:18:28,303 --> 01:18:30,703 Ugh, it's not pretty out there. 1007 01:18:30,772 --> 01:18:35,368 I didn't think they had a chance from the beginning... 1008 01:18:35,444 --> 01:18:39,574 but now this sad Cinderella story is coming to a close. 1009 01:18:39,648 --> 01:18:43,311 Now the cards were stacked against Whittman to begin with, even with... 1010 01:18:43,385 --> 01:18:46,149 Eli? Eli! 1011 01:18:46,221 --> 01:18:51,284 Excuse me, I made the decision that is going to determine my future and yours. 1012 01:18:51,359 --> 01:18:56,422 I reject friendship, I reject love, and I reject Collegiate Mastermind. 1013 01:18:56,498 --> 01:19:03,199 Iron Chef Michael Simon attended which Cleveland area high school? 1014 01:19:03,271 --> 01:19:06,172 Saint Edward High School in Lakewood. 1015 01:19:06,241 --> 01:19:08,175 That is right. 1016 01:19:12,180 --> 01:19:15,547 Make it look like your buzzers don't work. 1017 01:19:15,617 --> 01:19:20,247 Toss up. What animal is incapable of seeing the sky? 1018 01:19:23,625 --> 01:19:27,789 I take it back. Five seconds, Whittman. 1019 01:19:28,063 --> 01:19:29,849 Something in my head is saying gashon, gashon, gashon. 1020 01:19:29,862 --> 01:19:31,658 What the hell is gashon? 1021 01:19:31,733 --> 01:19:35,499 It's a pig. The pig. 1022 01:19:35,570 --> 01:19:37,401 That is right. 1023 01:19:41,109 --> 01:19:43,407 Here's your bonus. 1024 01:19:43,478 --> 01:19:45,963 These ancient people were sometimes accompanied 1025 01:19:45,976 --> 01:19:48,472 to the grave with their herds of pigs. 1026 01:19:48,550 --> 01:19:52,611 The southern white cracker loves his swine. 1027 01:19:52,687 --> 01:19:58,387 The cracker is an ancient. Polish people are true pig lovers. 1028 01:19:58,460 --> 01:20:00,519 The Chinese! 1029 01:20:00,595 --> 01:20:02,688 That is correct. 1030 01:20:05,667 --> 01:20:07,692 Yeah! Uh-oh! 1031 01:20:10,872 --> 01:20:15,673 The ugliest sight in the world is the sight of simple people being happy. 1032 01:20:15,744 --> 01:20:17,803 Toss up. 1033 01:20:17,879 --> 01:20:24,546 What ill-fated computer platform was released on the 23rd of April, 1983? 1034 01:20:24,619 --> 01:20:26,450 The Apple 3. 1035 01:20:26,521 --> 01:20:27,749 That is right. 1036 01:20:27,823 --> 01:20:29,450 How did you know that? 1037 01:20:29,524 --> 01:20:32,322 - I didn't know I did. - Here's your bonus. 1038 01:20:32,394 --> 01:20:34,749 Who was the forgotten founder of Apple and what 1039 01:20:34,762 --> 01:20:37,127 was his greatest contribution to the company? 1040 01:20:37,199 --> 01:20:39,861 Ron Wayne, he designed the first logo. 1041 01:20:40,135 --> 01:20:44,094 You nailed it! 1042 01:20:44,172 --> 01:20:45,730 Yeah, Gertrude. 1043 01:20:45,807 --> 01:20:47,297 Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. 1044 01:20:47,375 --> 01:20:50,811 Wow, a sign of life from these Whittman Hares. 1045 01:20:50,879 --> 01:20:53,473 Nah, I think it's gonna be too little, too late, Spencer. 1046 01:20:53,548 --> 01:20:56,676 Coming up on the two-minute warning, I think Whittman's fate is all but sealed. 1047 01:20:56,751 --> 01:20:59,242 Let's not get too excited yet... 1048 01:20:59,321 --> 01:21:02,518 Harvard has been answering questions like this for 500, 600 years. 1049 01:21:02,591 --> 01:21:04,491 They could beat Harvard without you. 1050 01:21:10,465 --> 01:21:13,588 Toss up. Who performed the only instrumental 1051 01:21:13,601 --> 01:21:16,734 song to have been banned from American radio? 1052 01:21:16,805 --> 01:21:18,636 And what was the name of the song? 1053 01:21:23,445 --> 01:21:27,711 - Holy spasticature. - Oh! Down and out! 1054 01:21:27,782 --> 01:21:29,530 I'll tell you, that's the most exciting moment 1055 01:21:29,543 --> 01:21:31,302 in Collegiate Mastermind history, that is. 1056 01:21:31,353 --> 01:21:33,480 Wow, let's see that again. 1057 01:21:33,555 --> 01:21:37,582 Here you go, hold it, wait for it. He's gonna clip the podium right... 1058 01:21:37,659 --> 01:21:40,560 Pow. Bing. 1059 01:21:40,629 --> 01:21:43,393 That's gonna shave a few points of the old GPA. 1060 01:21:43,465 --> 01:21:48,425 Oh, don't you know it. He is a bleeder that little kid, that smartie. 1061 01:21:48,503 --> 01:21:51,677 Ladies and gentlemen, a member of the 1062 01:21:51,690 --> 01:21:54,874 Whittman side has sustained a serious injury. 1063 01:21:56,878 --> 01:22:00,644 Whittman has three minutes to produce their alternate. 1064 01:22:00,715 --> 01:22:03,343 You're now the alternate, Eli. 1065 01:22:03,418 --> 01:22:08,219 If you're not on that stage in three minutes, Whittman will be disqualified. 1066 01:22:08,290 --> 01:22:11,748 I'd stay where you are, Eli. A king always needs his castle. 1067 01:22:17,666 --> 01:22:24,435 Let me put it in context. How long have you dreamed of going to Harvard? 1068 01:22:24,506 --> 01:22:26,497 My whole life. 1069 01:22:26,574 --> 01:22:31,477 How long have you dreamed of beating Harvard? 1070 01:22:31,546 --> 01:22:34,879 A couple of months. 1071 01:22:34,950 --> 01:22:38,317 You're gonna have to honor the big dream, Eli. 1072 01:22:38,386 --> 01:22:39,944 Yeah. 1073 01:22:40,021 --> 01:22:43,320 Wait, what the hell are you doing? 1074 01:22:43,391 --> 01:22:49,261 I mean, do you really want to screw your school, your team and your friends? 1075 01:22:49,331 --> 01:22:54,462 Get some balls, Eli, and go out there and win it. 1076 01:22:54,536 --> 01:22:58,233 It's his right. How's your brain feeling? 1077 01:23:05,280 --> 01:23:07,339 - I can't do this. - Get out there. 1078 01:23:07,415 --> 01:23:10,748 I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do, guys. 1079 01:23:28,703 --> 01:23:30,762 Things just got interesting. 1080 01:23:30,839 --> 01:23:33,865 Eli Pettifog, the Whittman Hares star player just stepped out on the stage. 1081 01:23:33,942 --> 01:23:37,309 That boy has not missed a question all season long. 1082 01:23:37,379 --> 01:23:38,403 He has got brains. 1083 01:23:38,480 --> 01:23:39,412 Yes. 1084 01:23:39,481 --> 01:23:40,675 He's got hair. 1085 01:23:40,749 --> 01:23:41,249 Where the hell have you been? 1086 01:23:41,250 --> 01:23:42,682 Where the hell have you been? 1087 01:23:42,751 --> 01:23:43,683 You don't want to know. 1088 01:23:43,752 --> 01:23:44,810 Yes, we do. 1089 01:23:48,690 --> 01:23:54,287 Whittman has produced their alternate, so let's resume. 1090 01:23:54,362 --> 01:23:55,761 Benny here. 1091 01:23:55,830 --> 01:23:57,764 - Benny, it's me, it's Leo. - Yeah? 1092 01:23:57,832 --> 01:24:00,300 I want to take the bet back, the Harvard bet? 1093 01:24:00,368 --> 01:24:02,489 Leo, I never put the bet through. It doesn't exist. 1094 01:24:02,502 --> 01:24:04,634 You should be thanking me. 1095 01:24:08,576 --> 01:24:12,068 Hey, Leo? You're welcome. 1096 01:24:15,350 --> 01:24:16,783 Thank you, Benny. 1097 01:24:16,851 --> 01:24:18,716 Toss up. 1098 01:24:18,787 --> 01:24:26,057 Who said, "A whale ship was my Yale College and my Harvard?" 1099 01:24:28,830 --> 01:24:29,797 I can't, I can't. 1100 01:24:29,864 --> 01:24:30,796 You better. 1101 01:24:30,865 --> 01:24:32,560 Five seconds. 1102 01:24:32,634 --> 01:24:33,623 Come on, guys. 1103 01:24:33,701 --> 01:24:34,633 I would say Melville. 1104 01:24:34,702 --> 01:24:35,669 Then say it. 1105 01:24:35,737 --> 01:24:38,433 Herman Melville. 1106 01:24:38,506 --> 01:24:39,632 That is right. 1107 01:24:44,446 --> 01:24:49,679 For your bonus, at the time of his death, Herman Melville was so obscure... 1108 01:24:49,751 --> 01:24:52,618 the New York Times misidentified him in his obituary. 1109 01:24:52,687 --> 01:24:53,619 I know this. 1110 01:24:53,688 --> 01:24:55,019 What name did they use? 1111 01:24:55,090 --> 01:24:56,648 Henry Melville. 1112 01:24:56,724 --> 01:24:58,555 That is right. 1113 01:25:04,599 --> 01:25:07,591 Whittman! Go, Whittman! 1114 01:25:09,437 --> 01:25:11,667 We have a tie score. 1115 01:25:11,739 --> 01:25:13,969 I can't believe we're tied with Harvard. 1116 01:25:14,042 --> 01:25:15,771 I can't believe they're tied with Harvard. 1117 01:25:15,844 --> 01:25:19,644 I can't believe they're tied with Harvard. 1118 01:25:22,117 --> 01:25:27,680 This next question will determine the championship. 1119 01:25:27,755 --> 01:25:34,490 Toss up. Iceland and England broke off diplomatic relations in 1976. 1120 01:25:34,562 --> 01:25:37,463 What dispute caused the split? 1121 01:25:43,471 --> 01:25:44,403 Do you know? 1122 01:25:44,472 --> 01:25:45,837 No. 1123 01:25:47,876 --> 01:25:49,810 20 seconds. 1124 01:25:53,615 --> 01:25:57,483 Dude, come on, Eli, set yourself free, man. 1125 01:26:03,992 --> 01:26:05,619 Ten seconds. 1126 01:26:15,803 --> 01:26:17,532 Cod? Cod! 1127 01:26:17,605 --> 01:26:19,630 Fishing. 1128 01:26:19,707 --> 01:26:22,039 Rights! 1129 01:26:28,650 --> 01:26:32,916 That is... right! 1130 01:26:38,059 --> 01:26:43,725 It's unbelievable. Harvard goes down! Harvard goes down! 1131 01:26:43,798 --> 01:26:49,862 The Whittman Warring Hares are this year's champions of the Collegiate Mastermind. 1132 01:26:53,141 --> 01:26:54,836 We did it, you guys, we... 1133 01:26:57,779 --> 01:26:59,679 Oh, my god. 1134 01:26:59,747 --> 01:27:05,117 You are the greatest unbelievable ever now! 1135 01:27:05,186 --> 01:27:08,678 Go to the league office and tell them we're getting the shaft. 1136 01:27:08,756 --> 01:27:10,815 They wrote a whole rule book for moments like this. 1137 01:27:17,098 --> 01:27:18,531 How many stitches did you get? 1138 01:27:18,600 --> 01:27:19,931 Seven. 1139 01:27:20,001 --> 01:27:21,764 Can I take them out when they're ready? 1140 01:27:21,836 --> 01:27:24,134 Yeah. 1141 01:27:24,205 --> 01:27:26,036 Nice brain. 1142 01:27:26,107 --> 01:27:27,665 - You see this brain? - Yeah. 1143 01:27:27,742 --> 01:27:29,642 My left ball is bigger than this brain. 1144 01:27:29,711 --> 01:27:32,839 That's why you're so artistic. 1145 01:27:57,739 --> 01:28:02,938 Shauna, get in the picture. Yeah, Shauna. 1146 01:28:03,011 --> 01:28:08,208 Yo, Pettifog, tell us how awesome we are! 1147 01:28:10,084 --> 01:28:12,917 Stop, stop, I'll do the speech. I'll do a speech. 1148 01:28:12,987 --> 01:28:17,253 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 1149 01:28:17,325 --> 01:28:25,164 I, uh... I'm afraid I have some unpleasant business regarding today's final. 1150 01:28:25,233 --> 01:28:29,329 According to Rule 324 of the book of Collegiate Mastermind... 1151 01:28:29,604 --> 01:28:34,098 An injured player cannot be replaced with less than one minute remaining in a match. 1152 01:28:34,175 --> 01:28:38,271 The team must complete the match with two players. 1153 01:28:38,346 --> 01:28:42,339 Today Whittman College broke that rule. 1154 01:28:42,617 --> 01:28:48,021 I'm sorry to have to tell you that Harvard College... 1155 01:28:48,089 --> 01:28:50,956 is this year's Collegiate Mastermind champion. 1156 01:28:58,099 --> 01:29:00,761 Excuse me. Excuse me. 1157 01:29:11,145 --> 01:29:14,637 We all know what happened today. 1158 01:29:14,716 --> 01:29:20,245 We beat Harvard fair and square. 1159 01:29:20,321 --> 01:29:24,189 But they stole it from us. 1160 01:29:24,258 --> 01:29:27,250 Do you know why? 1161 01:29:27,328 --> 01:29:31,059 Because they fear us. 1162 01:29:31,132 --> 01:29:36,729 We're the beautiful bums. We're the people's champions. 1163 01:29:43,344 --> 01:29:47,212 So let us be history's secret. 1164 01:30:40,835 --> 01:30:44,464 Are you sure I can do this? I'm not even a student yet. 1165 01:30:46,274 --> 01:30:50,711 Don't worry, you're with me. 1166 01:30:50,778 --> 01:30:52,302 Ring it. 1167 01:31:18,539 --> 01:31:19,951 Leo? 1168 01:31:23,076 --> 01:31:24,476 Leo? 1169 01:31:36,190 --> 01:31:38,818 Where's he going? 1170 01:31:38,893 --> 01:31:40,224 Let's go down. 1171 01:31:40,294 --> 01:31:46,096 Hey, Leo! Where are you going? 1172 01:31:46,167 --> 01:31:48,260 Going back to being a civilian. 1173 01:31:48,336 --> 01:31:50,270 You're not a civilian. 1174 01:31:50,338 --> 01:31:55,139 Gonna get a job. I'm gonna pay for my daughter's education. 1175 01:31:55,209 --> 01:32:02,081 And I'm going to find an age-appropriate fox, and I mean that. 1176 01:32:05,820 --> 01:32:08,914 It's been a pleasure making bad decisions with you. 1177 01:32:08,990 --> 01:32:12,153 I'll miss you, too. 1178 01:32:29,477 --> 01:32:32,071 Take care. Cut your hair. 1179 01:32:55,937 --> 01:32:58,497 Please don't cut your hair. 1180 01:32:58,573 --> 01:33:03,272 Of course, I won't. It protects my brain. 1181 01:33:04,478 --> 01:33:06,844 What did you say? 1182 01:33:06,914 --> 01:33:10,111 Nothing. 1183 01:33:27,134 --> 01:33:30,126 Excuse me. 1184 01:33:47,221 --> 01:33:48,347 Uh, Miss? 1185 01:34:30,097 --> 01:34:34,500 What do you think the future of this Whittman team will be? 1186 01:34:34,568 --> 01:34:38,004 I think the sky is the limit for these... 1187 01:34:38,072 --> 01:34:40,165 for these fine... fine, young kids. 1188 01:34:40,241 --> 01:34:45,201 I think I see a lot of, uh, big jobs in their future. 1189 01:34:45,279 --> 01:34:48,112 I see maybe perhaps a couple internet start-ups. 1190 01:34:48,182 --> 01:34:49,945 I see a Nobel Prize or two. 1191 01:34:50,017 --> 01:34:52,383 I see some... some... some, uh... 1192 01:34:52,453 --> 01:34:54,717 I see some... some trash collecting work. 1193 01:34:54,989 --> 01:34:57,457 Some of them, obviously, they're not gonna excel like the others. 1194 01:34:57,525 --> 01:34:59,686 Some of them were injured too much. 1195 01:34:59,760 --> 01:35:02,627 They're gonna waste it. There's gonna be some drug problems. 1196 01:35:02,697 --> 01:35:07,259 But by and large, I see a lot of these kids making it big... 1197 01:35:07,334 --> 01:35:11,361 if they don't, you know, hit the pipe. 1198 01:35:11,439 --> 01:35:13,703 Well, that's all from Poughkeepsie. 1199 01:35:13,774 --> 01:35:15,674 You keep learning, America. 1200 01:35:15,743 --> 01:35:17,005 You do it. 1201 01:35:18,305 --> 01:35:24,184 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org