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Greetings, Americans.
Leave a message after the beep, but not if you're going to mumble,
because a voice is not just a blessing, it's also a choice.
Hey, Carol. lt's Louis from Sound Mix-A-Lot.
l'm just calling real quick because Eva Longoria, the actress,
she has to re-loop her lines for an entire film where she plays a cockney mob wife.
l attached the sound file for you to check out.
She sounds like a retarded pirate,
so the studio is paying to have her work with a coach.
And l thought of you.
Sorry, l never use the word "retarded" in a derogatory way.
l hate people who do that.
Sorry, if you have a cousin or a friend who's retarded,
l didn't mean it that way. So, sorry about that.
ls that what you think, you stupid slapper?
Is that what you fink?
l don't give a shit about what you think!
ls that what you think, you stupid slapper?
This Wednesday, one woman will teach another woman
to sound a little less retarded.
ln a world
like nothing you've ever imagined.
Without a single unified voice,
humanity has been left searching for answers to the unknown.
Now, one man has the power to change that.
One man.
Me.
When the storm hit, both our cars were totally underwater.
ln a world where both of our cars were totally underwater.
We thought it would take forever to get some help.
But a new wind was about to blow.
There's hundreds of people doing voice work,
but only five of them are making all the money.
Yeah. That's as it should be.
l'm sorry. As long as l'm one of the five, that's as it should be.
ls it true that sometimes you will do 60 promos a week, 35 in a day?
Oh, yeah. That's...That's actually not uncommon at all.
That's pretty much a slow week in many cases.
Odds are you already knew the voice of Don LaFontaine,
who died in Los Angeles Tuesday.
He was 68.
He was the Don. He was the guy. Nobody really could ever compare to him.
When we were young, for a while,
we were both referred to as the "it boys" of the voice over world,
which l thought was kind of amusing,
because l never met a boy with pipes like these.
"ln a world..."
Those words were for Don only.
-l mean... -There's no question about that.
But l think that it could safely be said everybody wants a piece of that legacy.
Meet Thomas Coyne. He's out of cents and he's $3 short.
Ever since I was a kid,
l remember hearing Don coo those words, "ln a world... ln a world..." You know?
And when l heard that l was like, "l want to be a part of that world.
"l want to be part of that world. That world."
For whoever takes his place, those are gigantic shoes to fill.
l think Don was a... l think a size 1 1 .
lt is true that l happen to be a 1 3.
l don't know if you can see that, but it's just the truth.
Whether or not that matters, l don't know.
Why aren't the humidifiers on?
l'm dead.
Fuckin' Christ.
Listen, did Gustav Warner happen to call?
-Jesus Christ. -He and l are getting a steam later.
l'm not home.
Did Gustav call?
God, Dad. l don't know why you... l can do what that guy does.
What the hell does that have to do with anything?
This Wednesday, one woman will teach another woman
to sound less...
This Wednesday, one woman will teach another woman...
l just woke up, so my voice is cold, but...
Look, are you hungry? Jamie worked me up an appetite.
l'm gonna rustle us up some grub.
Oh, my God. "Grub"?
l'm gonna make breaky.
"Breaky"?
Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you, Carol?
You know, l say, "Black," you say, "White."
-l'm gonna eat out here. -You're yelling so much. Why?
-You don't want to come, stay in bed. -lt's so early.
Her name is Erin and her other name is Erin.
So you know that mentally unstable guy who lives in front of the Quiznos?
No.
You remember, he's the lunatic who's got that crazy German brogue.
You know, this is Jamie's favorite show.
Actually, it's quite good. You should check it out.
l think he's from Munich or something,
but l wanted to get his voice for my archives.
And he's always lecturing how the world's real currency is lettuce,
so l had to buy a head of romaine
-to negotiate with him. -l can't wait to see you, puppy.
l'm gonna purr to you all night long.
Voice mail, huh?
-l'm sorry, sweetie. What's up? -Nothing.
Where is "the groupie" anyway?
What, is she busy at a smiling convention somewhere?
Jamie is doing re-shoots for a Ziploc commercial she got.
Jesus. That girl is bad news, Dad. l mean...
Honestly, she smells like Life Savers
and she has a Midwestern accent, un-ironically.
Moreover, she should be paying us rent. She's here a lot.
Jamie is going to be moving in, sweetheart.
You're gonna have to find another place to live now.
-What? She's 26! -She's 30.
-That's my age. -You're 31 now.
-Okay, barely. -Look, she's an adult. That's the point.
She collects rainbow magnets!
-At least she likes me. -For the wrong reasons.
Well, they're right enough for me.
l'm appalled, Dad. l'm appalled.
Look, l'm feeling happy for the first time in quite a while.
You know what? l think this is just a validation thing. l do.
l think you should start spinning again. l've been thinking about...
Carol, l love you, but let me tell you something.
You're not gonna be able to talk me out of this, okay?
Jamie printed me out an article from Yahoo! Health.
lt was all about enabling, and l realized at that point
l cannot continue to support your emotional handicap.
-l understand. Okay. -Let me finish, okay?
Sometimes, l get the feeling l've done all l could for you, kid.
l mean, l let you share my crash pad with me for years.
l shared all my contacts in the biz with you.
Listen, if l could break you off a piece of this voice and give it to you, l would.
But l can't, because that's an impossible conceit.
And the truth of the matter is,
it probably wouldn't help you anyway because, let's face it,
the industry does not crave a female sound.
Yeah, Dad, you've made me painfully aware of that my whole life.
-l'm not being sexist, that's just the truth. -Okay.
This whole voice-cracking problem you've grown into
isn't doing you any favors either.
But here's what l'm trying to say, sweetheart. Okay?
You should stick with the accents.
l mean, that's your thing. That's what you're good at.
What was that great Russian Star Wars thing you used to do as a kid?
Yeah, l know the one you're talking about. But, Dad...
-What was it? -lt was... Don't make me do it.
-Come on. -l don't want to do it.
Please let me hear it.
Deese are not the droids you're lookink for.
l just love that. lt's so random.
But listen, l can't pay rent
with the freelance vocal coaching.
-So, why don't we think of an agreement... -Sweetheart,
not my problem. You understand?
Listen, l'm gonna support you by not supporting you.
Okay, but what's the timeline on this? Can you at least let me...
-Look, there's no big hurry. -Okay, good. Because...
Tonight would be good.
The search is on, my friend.
What's that?
There's a great big epic coming down the pike.
They wanna bring "lt" back.
Copy starts with the words, "ln a world..."
And right now, they're trying to find their guy.
How can they do that without LaFontaine?
He coined the phrase, he's the godfather of the industry.
Enough with that, please! That Don LaFontaine stuff. All right?
"Donnie was the... Was the godfather of the industry."
"Donnie had perfect tone." "Donnie had a big dick."
Donnie this, Donnie that!
All right, the guy was the best. You think l don't know that?
No, Sam, that's not what l meant.
l know what you meant. l understand. lt's just... lt's just...
What is it?
l'm sorry, Gustav. lt's just hard.
l know.
l know l'm not as good as he was.
You know what? You.
You're their guy.
-That's right. -Sam...
lf they want me to do it, sure.
l wrote the book. l lived that life.
l'm getting a Lifetime Achievement Award for Christ's sake.
And the fact of the matter is, l could never really do it as good as Don. No, no.
lt's time. lt's time to pass the torch.
What are you saying?
l'm saying, l'm going to go to bat for you, kid.
Moe, l am simply saying that it was on the counter this morning,
and that you just must have moved it. That's it.
Honey, you've misplaced it. That's all.
Okay. So, you're accusing me of losing my wedding ring! Got it.
Now see, l feel like that sounds kind of argumentative.
Moe, l'm not going to have an argument
about whether we're having a goddamn argument or not, right?
That's the only kind of argument l know how to have.
-l'm coming. -l'm somewhat practiced at it.
Dad kicked me out.
-Hey, Carol. -What? What happened?
-l need to wash everything l own. -Carol, could you have called?
l did, Dani, but you don't answer your telephone.
-That's not my fault. -What happened?
l'm glad l didn't throw away my lucky couch.
Okay. The groupie's moving in with Dad. Can you believe it?
-She's 23. -She's 30.
Well, it's your fault for introducing them.
l didn't. You always do that. No, you do.
-What is in this bag? -That was a different one.
So the autobiography and winning a Lifetime Achievement Award
aren't enough? He's gotta have a concubine?
Your dad is a sexy cool guy. Give him a break.
"A sexy cool guy"? What's the matter with you?
So, you can use a plane. Then you exit to the two exit door.
The door is on automatchically.
The... You see the...
Up the stair and the down stair. You go to up the stair.
Then little building here. The little building, go, go walk way.
You... You see the park. The park is... Okay...
What's your favorite craft?
Well, l really like making pottery.
-lt's like... Like it's amazing... -Like in Ghost?
-Yeah, it's amazing! -l think if you walk away, you see that.
lt's like if a Beanie Baby could talk.
l love your gloss.
Please do not accost my clientele here with your goddamn recorders.
The Eastern Europeans are a really paranoid group already.
l say that it's for "artistic research" and they, like, love it.
They don't understand that. They think that you're a spy.
-Okay? -Excuse me.
Good afternoon, Mr. Pouncer. How can l help you?
Well, there's this mate of mine, right,
and he's a little under the weather at the moment.
So l want to send him this.
Medicine.
-Very good. -There's his address and information.
Do you think you could do that for me, love?
Absolutely. Consider it done.
-Thanks a million. -Have a lovely day.
Sure, now that l've seen you, l most definitely will.
Get out of here.
l'm sorry. His voice is a vision. What could l do?
Go to your meeting.
For someone who works in hospitality,
you're really inhospitable. You know that, Dani?
lf they paid me a little more, l'd be nicer.
Stop it! Don't do that! Get out!
And l need to check out other facilities but right...
You gotta be kidding me.
Hey, l'm here to see Louis.
Hi! l'm Nancy. l'm new.
-Have a seat. l'll let Louis know you're here. -Okay.
You're Sam Sotto's kid, right?
Yeah, how'd you know?
Your dad is so hot.
Sorry. l just bought his autobiography.
l love to read. So, l'm like always reading.
lt's important.
Very cool. Cool.
Sotto Jr.'s here.
lt's just Solomon.
lt's Carol Solomon, "Sotto" is my dad's stage name.
Guess you didn't get to that part in the book.
Carol.
-Hey. -What up, playa?
All right. Come on. Let's make something shiny out of shit!
-Great. -All right.
Hey, so, really sorry about that stupid rambling message
l left on your machine the other day
when l said "retarded" a bunch of times.
l didn't mean actually retarded.
l think l just get nervous or something when l'm leaving a message on your machine.
Your dad might hear it
and l'm doing a voice over basically on your phone.
You don't have to worry about it anymore 'cause l moved out.
So you can just call me on my cell directly.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
Oh, cool. Definitely. l'll definitely call you on your cell, you know.
lf the situation calls for it, professionally, l'll call you on the cell.
-l'm not gonna bum rush you or anything. -Okay.
l should cut you with a knife, l should.
ls that what you think?
ls that what you think, you stupid slapper?
Just remember the "F" for the "T-H."
Like "F" for "fink," "fink," versus, like, "think."
-What do you fink, you stupid... -Yeah.
-Say it, say it. -ls zat whot you fink, you stupid slappa?
ls zat whot you fink, you stupid slappa?
Yeah. There it is.
ls zat whot you fink, you stupid slappa?
-Should we try one? -Okay. Yeah.
Okay. l'll do a series and we'll keep it open.
ls zat whot you fink, you stupid slappa?
-Nice work. -Guess who's a no show!
Gustav Jizz Nuggets.
Hey. l'm in a session, Heners. Come on.
Louis, l gotta turn this temp track in today. l was gonna do it myself, but...
No, no, no! You sound like an angry Muppet. Get Cher. lt'll be better.
Cher sounds like a sleepy chipmunk.
l can do it. l mean, l'll do it.
l'm no Don LaFontaine, but if it's just a temp recording, l can do it.
No, that'd be perfect.
l needed to do this 1 0 minutes ago. Thank you.
Eva, could you just put the cork back in your mouth and work on those vowels?
-Thank you. -A-E-I-O-U, A-E-I-O-U...
So, princess boy will not be gracing us
with his shitty vocals for this piece of dung trailer
for a fucking romantic comedy with children.
This is for Welcome to the Jungle Gym.
Hey, Gustav's sound is tight.
Do not judge him for being monetarily privileged.
-Carol, you want a water or a Fanta? -l'd like a Fanta.
l'm sorry, l have no time for a rich kid
who threw away his inheritance on a soccer team
and then somehow fell into being the highest paid voice over artist...
Okay, Carol, why don't you just hop in the booth.
He's lucky he's got those pipes,
otherwise he'd be a washed-up mortgage trader right now.
Thanks for asking me if l wanted a Fanta, Louis.
Do you want a Fanta?
No.
Here we go. Here we go.
Carol, can you hear me in there?
Yeah, l hear you perfect.
Ready, ready.
Okay. Welcome to the Jungle Gym promo, take one.
Allo Carol!
-Eva Longoria. -Allo.
Where'd you go? You just ran off.
Oh, sorry. l thought we were done. You said we were done, right?
Yeah, yeah. We're done. But you forgot your Fanta.
Thanks. Back to stupid slappers.
Stupid slappa!
Yes, very good. You lead.
Stupid slappa! That's what you fink, you stupid slappa!
-You want some Fanta? -No.
lt's in the fridge, Moe.
lt's not. Otherwise, l'd have it. And you'd have it.
-We'd all have it. lt would be great. -Let me just do it.
lt's not a matter of you doing it, okay? We're out of soy vanilla.
You guys are so loud.
Weren't you supposed to be in charge of that?
Well, l will be from now on. Okay?
Love you!
"l love you, too, Moe. Have a great day."
"You, too. Thank you, sweetness."
-Obviously, butter side down. -Oh, no.
-lt's okay. -Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. Let's live.
You're killing me, Dani.
Mr. Pouncer, hi. l'm so sorry. l just didn't see you there. l'm so sorry.
How can l help you today, sir?
l just noticed you're not wearing a wedding ring.
So now l'm never gonna leave you alone, am l?
-Sir... -No, l'm not a sir.
No, you have to do something brave
or do a shit ton of drugs in a rock band to be one of those. No, no, no.
l am a Terry, however.
-Terry. -Terry. Hi.
Hi, Terry. Can l get you anything today, Terry?
No, actually. l just wanted to see if l could get you to call me Terry.
And l just did.
That's what me mother calls me, you see.
Cheers!
Cheers. Cheers.
Relax, Dani, you're acting like l'm the first guy to ever hit on you.
Good afternoon, Concierge.
Yes, good afternoon.
Carol, l can't talk right now. l'm super busy.
No, you're not. l'm standing right behind you.
-Just kidding. Psych. -That's not funny, Carol.
What?
Do you know that your neighbor Pippa is from Guildford?
And l had a really nice chat with her...
Because you are all out of soya vanilla. They say "soya."
What's up, Carol? What do you want? l got a lot of things to do.
All right. Fine, fine. l'm gonna try the soft sell on this,
but you know that's really, really hard for me.
Sister code, Dani. l really need that Pouncer guy,
the lrish good-looking guy.
l need his accent for my archives
because, really, it's one of the accents that l struggle with.
-Really, Dani. -No, no. No, Carol.
The news clips that l have, they're too regional.
And in order to really master a dialect,
you need to have these vowels. Dani, come on!
-Fine. -You're just... Did you say fine?
Yeah.
Great!
Oh, so, there's one issue, though.
What?
Your manager has, like, a fake restraining order on me or something
because the Bulgarian guy that l followed out last time happened to be a diplomat.
l didn't know about it. lt was a thing... Wouldn't have done it.
God damn it, Carol!
Hindsight was 20-20.
What? What do you want? What do you need?
Okay. So sister code. lt's super easy. All you have to do is...
l'm gonna drop off my little interview questions
and the recorder and you just press "Record."
Ask the questions. The guy answers it. Done.
Sister code. Done deal. Sister code.
What is this "sister code" thing that you're doing right now?
What? Sister code?
"What? Sister code?"
Yeah, it's a new thing. l was just trying it out.
Do you like it?
l don't know. l don't really like it.
What? Ping-pong it a little bit. Like l say, "Sister," you say...
l'm not saying it.
l won't push my luck. But you'll do the interview questions?
Look, l'm going to do it. Okay? l'm doing it.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
l love you. Sister code.
No.
Okay. Bye.
How did Mission lreland go?
Yeah. Really good.
l'm gonna drop off the equipment now. l can't believe she said yes.
Yeah, me neither. She could lose herjob if she's caught.
Oh, my God, you're so dramatic.
Yello.
-You booked that gig! -What gig?
Welcome to the Jungle Gym.
Who did?
You did! The studio heard the temp recording you did
and they want your voice on the trailer, Carol.
But l'm a chick.
Yeah, l know. l'm acutely aware of that.
The studio said they feel that it's a "modern, quirky" choice.
-A what? -And that you're perfect for the genre.
Children's romantic comedy is a genre now?
Who cares? You just took a job, a huge job from Gustav Warner.
l did?
Yeah. You just served up a can of warning soup
to the Warn-dog himself!
l say next up, lemon drop shots on me.
Are you excited or trying to fart?
Hello? Carol?
Okay. All right. All right, then. All right, let's get those shots.
All right, okay. l'll see you tonight then. All right. Okay.
l know she hung up already.
lt's that obvious?
-Hello? -Dad, l...
-Hello? -Can you hear me?
-What's that? -Sorry. Wait. Can you hear me now?
Gotcha!
This is my voice mail message. l'm unable to take your call...
Really?
What?
l lost it to a broad? Are you kidding me?
No, why would l be kidding you?
You know this is all happening because l got sick and l couldn't perform that day.
Put it down.
Siegel. l smell legal. l smell legal!
Well, get off the phone with me and get on the phone with them!
l'm sorry, Sam.
-l'm sorry you had to hear that. -No, no, no! Listen, don't apologize.
lt's fine. Times are changing. That's the way it is.
Nowadays, they're flying planes, they're taking jobs.
-That's just the reality. -Welcome to today's world.
l mean, it wasn't too long ago that l can remember, all l had to worry about
with the ladies was how quickly to get their panties off. You understand?
-Yeah. Yeah. -And l don't want you to fret.
As soon as you get to resurrect those three little words, buddy,
you are gonna own this town.
Amen to that. Amen to that, Sam.
Hi, Moe!
Pippa! Hey!
ls Dani here?
No, actually. No, she's at work.
Look, l'm really sorry. l know l do this all the time. lt's just one tiny...
No, no, no. Go ahead.
Please, l'm taking a break from work. Making a PB & J.
-Peanut butter and jelly. -Jam.
"Jam." Right, right.
This is really awkward, Moe, but the thing is, our drain's busted in our flat.
My mate is dealing with it at the moment. But the pipes need cleaning. Who knew?
And l haven't showered in three days. And l stink. lt's disgusting.
Oh, right! God, l've been in my sweat pants for, like, years.
l was just wondering if l could use your shower.
Yours and Dani's shower.
That's weird, isn't it? l'm sorry.
No, no, no. l'm sorry. Yes! l think that'll be totally fine.
-Are you sure? -Yeah. Of course. Yes.
l'll be back in a jiff. Okay!
All right.
lt's not a big deal.
Hey.
Hey. l was just trying to see if you're coming home for dinner,
because l was... l was cooking a...
What?
l was cooking a sandwich bar.
A sandwich bar?
Yep. For dinner. l was cooking a sandwich bar. You know.
Cold cuts and rolls and mustards.
No. l think l gotta stay.
They want me to help out with some corporate thing tonight.
Oh, great! l mean, whatever. No.
We'll just do a sandwich bar another night. l mean, it's so easy.
-Okay. Bye. -Bye.
Hello, shower friend!
Hello! l'm shower ready!
lt's right over there. ln the bathroom.
Thank you.
No, thank you.
What?
Do you need help with anything?
No. l'm good. l've got it from here.
There's a tricky hot-and-cold ratio thing.
So if you get into a jam. lf you get into a "jam,"
just holler, or, you know.
-Hey! -Hi!
Are you okay?
Pippa's naked in the shower.
-Who? -Pippa.
-Why? -Her pipes need cleaning.
You look like you swallowed a frog. What's wrong with you?
What is this? PB & J? Nice.
Yeah. lt's peanut butter and jam.
Dani's not coming home for dinner, so l thought...
Who cares? l just texted her that she doesn't have to do Mission lreland
because the vocal coaching is temporarily on hiatus.
Why?
Oh, because l just got offered another children's movie trailer
and l just came from an audition where l might be the voice of Sunny Delight!
Dude! Wow! You're cleaning up is what, sister!
Wow! Did you tell your dad?
No, but l will.
-Sunny D! -Yeah.
You're always taking care of me, so l am thrilled to be able to return the favor.
Well, it is my job to get you what you want.
Darling, you don't get me what l want, you get me what l ask for.
l'm sure what l want would make you blush.
Really? You're funny.
That's funny. Okay.
Setting it out right here.
One-two, one-two.
l think it's working.
Okay, sorry, first question.
What makes you laugh? That's an odd question.
Sorry. My sister's strange.
l'm definitely going. Mimi and l need to have post-party sex.
Come on. Are you serious?
You hate Gustav, why would you go to his party?
A few more like that, Carlos.
Rape him for his open bar, idiot.
Yeah, l have enough beer at home, thanks.
Besides, l don't have a date.
You don't have a date. You're not supposed to go with a date.
You're supposed to leave with a date.
-That's the point. What is this, the '50s? -Okay.
Well, l feel safer with the buddy system.
Don't act like those parties aren't the worst. A voice over party?
l'm tired of waiting for the bathroom and hearing the voice of Cialis
hitting on the Virgin America message-hold girl.
l'm not going to beg you to go, man.
Ask Carol.
What?
You should ask Carol to the party.
Really?
-Yeah. -Wow, okay.
l think that's probably the single worst idea you ever had, Cher. Nice one.
-Hello. -Hey. You busy?
-No, l'm just leaving this audition thing. -CooI, cooI.
Hey, so listen, l was calling 'cause l was just wondering
if you had any plans for tonight.
For like... Like to just... For what?
There's this thing, just this party thing.
-Oh, what, the Gustav party? -Yeah, totally lame, right?
l'm obviously not going...
-l'm actually going. -l mean, l might go, but l don't wanna go.
So are you going with anyone?
Yeah. My dad's girlfriend wants me and my sister to go to it,
like, as a bonding thing or something. lt's gonna be whack.
Totally whack! Wickedy whack, baby! You know what l'm talking about?
That's probably why l'm not going, actually.
Honestly, the only reason why l'm going is just to network.
Cool. l mean, l think that's a smart move.
lf l were in your situation, l would definitely do that. Nice.
-lt would be more fun if you were there. -l'm gonna get this call.
-What? -Didn't you hear what l said?
-No, what did you say? -Excuse me?
No, l was just... Hello?
-Please take your other call. -Okay. Later.
Do you know where l can get a smoothie around here?
l'm sorry. l do not...
l'm sorry. l didn't hear what you said.
l said l don't know where you'd get a smoothie around here at all.
l'm so sorry.
Oh, okay. Thanks so much.
Yeah. No worries.
Have you seen my stress ball? What is your problem?
Carol's going to the party tonight.
-With you? -No.
Are you gonna ask her?
l just told her l'm not going.
Why would you do that?
l don't know, Cher!
How you going to eat the apple if you got no teeth?
What?
She's saying stop being a pussy and bring Nancy as your date tonight
to make Carol jealous.
Thank you, Carlos. l don't think she used the word "pussy," though.
Was someone looking for a date to Gustav's party?
l will totally look hot for you.
You'll shit when you see what l'm wearing.
Please, l'll be super classy.
This is cute. Right?
This works.
Yeah. Yeah. ls the party in 1 989?
Do you have a cocktail dress that l can borrow?
-Yes, l do, but l'm wearing it tonight. -For what?
-For date night. -What?
No, Dani's coming with me tonight.
What? So l'm the third wheel on a dad date.
Sorry.
The horror.
She woke up all warm and fuzzy this morning and suggested we have a fancy dinner.
Maybe she's happier 'cause you're here.
No, it's definitely not that.
Hey, Pippa is like, you know, a fashiony-type person.
-Yeah? -You can borrow something from her.
l mean, she owes me one for letting her shower here.
What an excellent and awkward idea.
-Hi. -Allo.
-Hello there. -How are you?
Hey. Hi.
Listen, we have a fashion emergency
and we would like your help, my lady.
A fashion emergency. Yes, absolutely. l can help you.
l never would have expected that coming from you.
-lt's for... Yes. -You.
That's a lot easier.
No, no, no. Sorry. That was not clear.
l'm good.
Absolutely. l can totally help you.
Great. Chim-chimeree.
Any more primping, the girls are gonna cry with jealousy.
Well, then you're just gonna have to kiss this lipstick off me.
lf you insist, l guess.
Hey, honey. l'm really touched you took my advice
to include the girls tonight.
l can't say no to you, can l?
Nope.
Whoa! You look like somebody else.
Are you serious? Thanks.
All right. Where's Dani?
Late. What else is new?
Well, use protection, okay?
l will.
l have my diaphragm in.
-Hi. -Hi.
This chair, it always sticks like that.
Can you get in there?
Watch the leather. Just be a little graceful, okay?
-Sorry. -Where's Dani?
She's not coming.
You look nice, Carol.
Thank you.
She didn't say anything to me about it.
Well, she has work.
Of course, l told you, remember? l said exactly this would happen.
-Would you like a Life Saver? -lt's just predictable.
lt's tiresome. lt's predictable, the same thing all the time.
lt's a lot stuffier than l remember.
Yeah, Gustav, you got enough goddamn flowers?
Maybe he's covering the fact that he stinks.
Nice one, Meems.
Where is he, anyway?
Why are we talking about him like we're in West Egg?
Oh, there he is. Mr. Big Pants.
Watch the door. l just had it detailed. Watch the door.
-l'm trying my best. l'm fine. -Watch your foot... Okay.
Dad? You know what, l'm just going to make a phone call really quickly.
What phone call? We just got here.
lt's going to be really quick...
Carol, you always do this. Come on.
Listen, make sure you find us when you're done.
-All right? -l will. l will.
Hello. Yes, l'd like a cab to Reseda.
How long is the wait on that ish?
-Carol, hey. How are you? -Louis.
-Hi. -Nancy is who l am.
Yes. This is true.
You look great.
Thank you so much.
Were you waiting for someone? Or should we go in?
l'm just here with my dad.
-Oh, really! Let's go in. -Yeah.
l was doing a gig, and we were like on the 22nd take,
and so the producer says, "On the next take
"can you give me a little bit more energy?"
And l said, "Well, why don't you go back to take one."
You decided to come.
Oh, yeah. Nancy wanted to come.
l thought, you know, "Maybe l'll run into a friend."
This place is rich. Drinks stat.
-You want to come? -No. l'm good.
Are you sure?
Yeah. You go and get your drink on.
Used to be Don, Hal Douglas and Sam here who had the lockdown on the epics.
Sam, you weren't doing epics until Don passed.
l mean, no disrespect.
None taken.
By the way, how's the Just for Men working out for you?
Sam, by the way, congratulations on the Lifetime Achievement Award.
That was very, very well-deserved, my friend.
Very kind of you, l appreciate that.
lt is such an honor.
lt'll be a great way to get Sam's whole family together.
Bittersweet, though, isn't it, Sotto?
l mean, you reach the peak of your success, and you only have one way to fall.
Listen, you're just on edge, Graue, because you're getting old
and Gustav's closing in on that "ln a world..." gig.
-Well, let's hope so. -l'm not sure about that.
l think that they're gonna make you fight for it.
l'm surprised they didn't go to you on this one, Sam.
Well, gee, Marc, what makes you so sure they didn't?
Wow. That is not feminine.
Gym bag.
That's your spot. Always has been.
-Pretty cool, right? -Yeah, it's impressive.
What part? The map? Or the world?
You know, both are good.
That's correct. Both are good. Gustav Warner.
Yeah, l know. l know. This is your...
My house and my party.
l don't know who you are. Would you care to indulge me?
-l'm Carol Solomon. -Carol Solomon. You're very pretty.
What?
You're very pretty. You're really, really pretty.
l saw you come in with some randoms and l've been clocking you out all night.
You're just really pretty. l just wanted to tell you that.
Thank you.
You don't have to return the compliment.
l get it. l have a face for radio.
But enjoy the map. Or the world.
-Mimi? -Alla?
What are you doing here? -My god, what are you doing here?
l am working here dummy. -So, is he a good boss?
He can be a shit, but he overpays me so who gives a fuck!
Jesus.
Bye!
Amazing, right?
You got to take that thing out of here before she strains her milk.
Oh, no! Oh, sorry!
Could l just have a water?
lt's me again. Same message.
Let's see what you got, mate.
Just people who have a flustered vendetta for the unavoidable.
And you, actually.
Yes! You make me laugh. Just looking at you.
l'm sure you're a strong woman.
And you're a toughie with your friends.
But l'm looking at you now,
and you're shakin' in your knickers like a little girl.
l just wish l could do something to make you feel more comfortable.
l'm fine. l'm not shaking in anything. So comfortable.
Do you have a boyfriend?
No.
Hello, nosy.
Hey! God!
l'm sorry. l'm in this...
l'm really sorry about being here. This is clearly off-limits to guests.
Oh, no, no. All of my guests have left at this point.
They have?
So either you're an intruder, a figment of my imagination
or you're my new roommate.
l would be your roommate if l could live in this room.
This is really... This is cool.
l built this special room for me.
This is my private space.
Oh, sorry.
-l'm glad you like it. -l like it.
My parents died when l was very young,
and they left me a large inheritance
and l used that to travel the world, so l never went to college.
l guess you can say that culture was my education.
But now,
whenever l find myself wrapped up in the industry,
l know this sounds crazy,
but l like to come to this room, take off all my clothes,
and just remember what it feels like to be uncomfortable.
l'm only telling you this because there's something about you
that reminds me of me.
You know?
l'm sorry, l don't mean to unload all of that on you.
lt's just that l look at you in this space and you're so pretty.
And l just want to kiss you right now.
Sweetie, l am so sorry
that our entire date night got totally screwed up.
Lizzie's nephew had some kind of procedure or something.
l don't know. He's like a kid to her.
So she wanted me to cover for her 'cause her sister,
whatever, is like, in AA, or she now is in AA,
and everybody's trying to clean up over there.
And she had to take care of him.
l guess we could just go get Greek food if you want.
Get takeout because they're gonna...
But l'm looking at you now,
and you're shakin' in your knickers like a little girl.
l found it behind the sink.
Wait.
Hey.
lt's a nice day, huh?
Thank you.
lt was really...
Nice.
Oh, my God!
Did we sleep together?
No.
Did l sleep with anyone?
Nope.
Who did you sleep with?
Nobody.
HeIIo, BeII Cab.
-Yeah, hi, can l get a taxi cab... -Please hold.
Yeah, l'll hold.
l'm just going to use your bathroom.
Sorry about your sheets.
Guess who's a slutty whore?
Dani?
Danielle? What's going on? Are you okay?
What's wrong?
Okay.
So where were you last night, man? l didn't see you.
No, l was talking to some redhead with a shitty voice but a killer rack.
l know who you're talking about.
Yeah, so, what's the word, chief?
Listen, l got a little gossip for you.
l found out the name of the broad who snagged that gig.
Spill it.
Forget it. She's a nobody. She's a two-bit vocal coach.
But now, she booked two more movie trailer gigs.
Get this. They're all children's movies, but still.
Her name's Carol Solomon.
What?
Carol Solomon. She's not gonna keep working,
if l have anything to do with it. Little thief!
She was at the party.
What're you talking about? Who fucking brought her?
l don't know.
He came in and he walked up with this puppy.
He gave Erin a puppy? What kind of puppy?
l didn't even sleep with the stupid lrish schmuck.
Are you serious?
-Not that it matters. lt doesn't matter. -lt does matter, Dani.
That makes it... lt's a gray area, but l think that makes it a lot less...
No, we just kissed.
That's pennies.
And then l ran out of the room. We made out for like 25 minutes.
That's not hideous.
-He tried to put the tip in. -Okay.
-l wouldn't let him put the tip in. -Yeah, that is...
You're not gonna win an award with that one.
You can't tell... You can say, "Moe.
"He tried to put the tip in, but l didn't let him."
Sister code.
Did you sleep with him?
lt's okay.
Sister code?
l didn't.
l do not believe you!
l can't believe we're still on this.
lt wasn't even my idea to bring her to the party.
Oh, no? Sorry. Why were you late to work yesterday?
Because l slept in!
And l couldn't wake her up and get her out of my apartment!
Oh, sleepy.
Okay. One more time, guys.
l'm going to keep it open this time, all right?
Nancy is a volcano of sensuality,
you could have experienced her eruption.
Volcanoes kill people, Cher.
You're just miffed about Carol.
What about Carol?
What? l thought you'd tell him.
Tell me what?
Mimi knows Gustav's maid, Alla,
because the Russian community is very interconnected.
Okay. So what'd she say?
She said that Carol spent the night at Gustav's.
So l guess they...
Cut!
Okay, let's go again. lt's a police station, remember. Okay?
Less restaurant hubbub and more aggro conversation in the background.
Snacks, take it to the kitchen, for Christ's sake!
Sorry.
l'm sure they probably just did oral.
l noticed you had some fine-looking girls there at the party.
There was this one girl that l took down.
At first glance, you look at her, l thought her face was kind of rough.
But at second glance, whoa! She's super hot.
And she was a crasher so she was a little feisty,
-if you know what l mean? -Yeah.
She let me rip her panties off as soon as l stuck my tongue in her mouth.
Holy cow! Man, you got lucky, kid! You sound like me!
And here's the crazy thing.
She is the chick who snagged the gig from me!
No shit!
She is the chick who snagged the gig from me.
-You're kidding me. -No.
Well, you showed her who's the boss, didn't you? You're the boss!
Hey, man! l'm the boss!
lt doesn't matter. l'll never see her again. So whatever. You know what l mean?
No, no. She bitch-slapped you by stealing that gig from you.
l think you should have a little fun. Play this vixen out. You understand?
After all, it's her fault for messing with the scorpion. Am l right?
-Am l right? -Yes, you are right, Sam.
Give her the stinger! Once more from me, if you don't mind.
Unknown number? Hello.
-Gotcha. -Who is this?
Come on. You should recognize my voice. After all, most of the country does.
-Mr. Warner. -That's right.
Yeah, l can't talk right now 'cause l have to go to work.
Oh, really? You snaking another one of my jobs?
What are you? A detective?
No. But l'll search you anyway.
You're cheesy.
Hey, come on. You're laughing.
To answer your question, no, l'm not stealing anything.
lt's a job that was offered directly to me.
Oh! Well, break a lung.
Thanks, l won't.
Bye, Carol Solomon.
l'm the boss.
The new Saber Tooth bristle brush technology
is patented to be soft on hair, hard on fly-aways.
Saber Tooth. Because nobody's purrr-fect.
So where's Louis?
-He's sick and went home early. -He doesn't want to see you.
-What? -Not what l said.
l heard through the grapevine
they want you to V.O. the promo for that crazy trilogy.
And don't bust me for dropping the broccoli.
What crazy trilogy?
Oh, my God, The Amazon Games!
How could you not have heard of this?
lt's common pop knowledge.
l don't have an agent.
First off, it's a quadrilogy.
Great.
lt's an adaptation of the hyper fantasy book series.
lt's about these fierce mutated female Amazonian warriors
as the sole future world-inhabiting species battling cloned prehistoric cavemen hybrids.
lt's all based on the Prussian War.
Anyway, they're reinstating the hokey "ln a world..." gimmick
and everybody's in a huff, l guess.
Because it marks the rebirth of epic cinema!
Whatever.
l'm just glad it's a woman this time instead of a sweaty old man.
l'll see you guys.
Yeah. Congrats.
Thank you for dropping the broccoli.
You should cut your hair.
Stop trying to woo me by being mean. lt doesn't work.
You want to get a drink later?
Okay.
Hey! Watch it!
That is so rude.
Excuse me. l'm so sorry.
l just want to give you my card.
l'm not a vocal coach anymore, but l would make an exception for you
because you sound like a squeaky toy.
And l don't mean that in a bad way.
l think you're better than that. And l think we're all better than that.
lt's good for the species. You know what l mean?
There's also a Jamba Juice two blocks away from here.
'Cause l bet you were looking for a smoothie.
Maybe not. l don't know. But if you were,
you know where it is.
Excited or farting?
How are you?
l just came back to get my cell phone.
There is no way to function in the modern world without one.
Yeah. No, l know it.
Do you want to talk about anything or...
-There's nothing you can say, Carol. -Right. l know. l know.
l wish that there was
a bubble or something, you know,
that we could just step into
where there was no judgment or past or present.
A bubble where l can hear her say
why she did it in a vortex.
Sort of. Yeah. Not the bubble part of it, but the general...
Listen, l'm staying at my friend PJ's editing suite,
-'cause l got a lot of deadlines. -PJ?
And he's got a comfy couch
and this stupid yellow lab that definitely thinks
l'm the best person that ever lived.
PJ who, though? Just so l know...
l really gotta be away from everything right now. Okay?
Okay.
Hey. l got good news.
What?
Dinner at Dad's tonight. The groupie's making casseroles.
l'm ignoring that.
Come on. Yum-yum.
Hamburger hash.
Have you spoken to Moe?
l feel so lost without him.
Like l can't even tell him, you know? Because...
l know. l know. lf you could... lf you could...
lf you could tell him, what would you say?
ln a way, that's kind of a good... lt's a good exercise
to just let it out. Just let it flow.
Whatever you want to say.
-l am. Carol. -Okay.
Jesus.
lt's just that nobody takes care of me the way that he does.
l just feel really safe with him.
The only thing l gave him in return is total dishonesty.
lt doesn't even matter that l didn't sleep with that asshole, right?
-Tip or no tip. -Tip, as in "gratuity"?
God! l should not even have been in his room in the first place.
l hate myself. l hate myself.
l hate myself for doing that.
l hate myself for squandering the most beautiful thing
l ever had in my whole stupid life.
l'm so scared. l'm so scared, Carol, that l'm gonna lose him.
And l'm so sad because l'm not good enough for him
and l don't deserve him.
And l don't deserve his sandwich bar.
Who's that hot friend of Moe's?
Named PJ?
'Cause l kinda want to date him.
Wait, what?
PJ?
PJ Koopchick?
PJ Koopchick. l think it was, yeah, PJ Koopchick.
He's married.
Oh, my God! PJ Koopchick's married? Jesus, another good one gone.
He's really fat. Hairy.
Yeah. l know. You know l like that. Like Dad.
That's literally why l was always into PJ Koopchick.
What are these?
Oh, they're just cherries from a can.
From Canter's.
No, l made it.
Just kidding. lt's as Jewish as you can get in her family.
That's a good one.
Listen, l wanted to show you something.
l came across this article l wrote decades ago.
l think it's worth a read. Have a look at it. lt's all about goals.
l wish l could write. Your father's book was so...
l'll give it to you after.
l'm no Philip Roth, but l try.
Dani was always a really good writer.
You don't have to do that.
lt must run in the family.
My aunt Peggy writes a column for health journal in Ohio.
But she's not really related to me, 'cause it's my mom's brother's wife.
You kids with your phones.
That is what l'm talking about.
Oh, look at these. They're almost too pretty to eat.
So, how's the Moe situation?
Listen. We're all family here.
l think we can look to each other for strength.
Oh, my God!
Jamie, l think, could be real helpful in this situation.
l actually have to run to the little girls' room. Excuse me.
"How's the Moe situation?"
Listen, Dani. Let me tell you something.
l don't think you did anything wrong.
Oh, okay. Thanks, Dad.
No, l mean it. Moe's gonna get over this.
Okay. l'm sure.
You know, people make mistakes in life. l know l have.
Marriage is all about forgiveness. Your mother understood that.
Yeah! Mom totally understood that.
She understood it completely.
l mean, she did OD on the prescription meds that she had to take
to deal with the anxiety that you caused her.
ln the first place, let me explain something.
l don't want to split hairs, Dad.
Your mother had a deep affection for Sudafed,
which accidentally interfered with her love affair with Valium.
lt was Xanax. lt was definitely Xanax.
Don't start!
She was going out with Howard Wetson when she died!
At least Howard Wetson knows l don't like bell peppers!
For Christ's sake, it was 1 6 years ago. Would you let it pass?
Jesus Christ. The moment l find one little iota of happiness
the two of you have to start blaming your mother's death on me.
-No one's blaming you, okay? -Don't be so crass.
You're blaming yourself!
So Mom died. Do we need to rehash that?
l feel like we really got into...
Here, Jamie, try some of these. They're very good.
l don't want to eat them all myself.
l already had one, but, yeah, they're pretty good.
So, l have news.
What news? You're not pregnant, are you?
All we need.
Oh, l'm just kidding.
No, l've been working.
-The vocal coaching, right? -Terrific, yeah.
No, no. l just booked these two voice over... Like, movie trailer voice over gigs.
And l wanted to share that with you because it all started
because l swiped this really big job from Gustav Warner,
who l finally met at the party you guys brought me to.
And now l'm going to be the voice of this new epic quadrilogy.
And l get to be the first woman to utter the words "ln a world..."
Sam!
-Are you okay? -Dad, have some water.
Excuse me. Wait a second. That's you? You're the thief?
The what?
"The thief," it sounds like a crime novel.
You're dating Gustav Warner?
Wait. How do you know about that?
lt's more like fucking probably than l would say dating.
Jesus Christ! Why don't you tell me any of this stuff?
You don't ask about the stuff.
You don't ever ask about us or anything.
Sam, a daughter should not have to share her sex life with her father.
Yes, thank you, Jamie. l appreciate it.
Listen, sweetheart, let me explain something to you, okay? This is a business.
An industry you've seen from arm's length for your entire life.
And there's a reason for that.
You don't just put one promo, one trailer on your ré‎sumé‎
and expect to get a gigantic job like that.
l've booked, actually, three movie trailer gigs and then now this quadrilogy.
You have to understand something, sweetheart.
They would never try and resurrect
something this important, this iconic with a freshman vocal.
lt's not done.
Well, l think l could go for some of that nice green tea.
Could we have some of that?
l don't drink caffeine, remember?
Yes. Clearly, l forgot about that, Jamie.
Carol?
-Can we go, please? -Carol! Don't. Wait.
-Do you want me to start it? -Carol! Wait.
-Do l have the keys? -Carol, would you wait?
l'm in my heels. l've been working all day.
-l can't even walk. -l'm sorry.
l don't believe him. l think he's lying about the whole quadrilogy.
lt's fine. He's a legend. lt makes sense they would give him the line.
l call bullshit. l call bullshit.
Because that man cannot let anybody in this whole goddamn family shine
because Nana was a cunt to him when he was a little kid.
Nana was a survivor. You should be easy on Nana.
Yeah, right. You know what? You gotta believe me.
You cannot expect that man to ever be supportive of you.
He is totally incapable of that.
l think the studio is going to be very pleased to learn
that l've been reconsidering and now l'm very much interested
in doing the quadrilogy gig.
For what? The Amazon Games?
Exactly.
Sam, it's too Iate.
What do you mean, "Too late"?
How am l supposed to tell them to recast it?
Because l'm Sam goddamn Sotto. That's why.
The studio wants Carol.
l suppose you can put yourself on tape. Give it a shot.
Very well then. So be it. Okay.
ln that case, l will put myself on tape with everybody else.
And l will conquer.
Alla! Before you leave make me one more of those soy white Russians.
l'm sorry, Siegel. What were you saying?
You're not gonna believe this, but Sotto, he's back in.
To what? Amazon Games?
Your girlfriend's not the only one to beat out now.
The legend himself? Are you kidding me?
l thought you guys were pals?
Yeah, so did l.
You're not gonna be able to screw yourself out of a voice over battle with Sotto.
"Better than a bubble."
How am l gonna play this?
Hey.
Your voice sounds bad. Are you sick?
Oh, no. l just woke up
'cause l was up talking to my sister till late.
Right, where are you now?
l'm at my sister's place in Koreatown.
Yeah, Koreatown. That's funny
because l'm right in your neighborhood. l'm pretty much right near you right now.
Hey! Why don't we get a snack?
Let's get a snack.
All right.
But l'm gonna need a second to spiff up.
Totally. You know what? You take a couple of minutes.
You know, l'll just text you where l am and just meet me downstairs
and then we'll figure it out.
l'm sorry.
l'm good. That's cool.
l got you a hot water with lemon.
Gargle that.
Oh, l'm good on the gargle.
-Sure. Whatever. -Thank you.
You want to take a walk?
Sure.
Okay, here's the deal. My life consists mainly of work, family, fantasy baseball.
You do that? l didn't know you did that.
-Yeah, Rotisserie League with my friends. -Oh, right on.
l'm not a meddler, okay? But l like you.
So when l heard something about you...
What did you hear about me?
l'm not done with my speech here.
Oh, l didn't know there was a speech.
Yes, it's a pitch. To be precise.
ls that a baseball reference?
No, no. lt's a literal pitch,
like l want to pitch you an idea kind of thing, okay?
So, l grew up with three sisters.
So l've always been into women's rights.
And l listen to the Cranberries openly.
Oh, what about Zombie or Linger?
Linger. l like Linger better.
Really? l would have pegged you as a Zombie.
-Okay, can l finish? -Yeah.
l'm really excited about you doing the quadrilogy job, okay.
lt's a big deal for a woman to be considered for that job.
No, l know, l guess Cher must've had that wrong, l don't know.
-No, she didn't. -Yeah.
No, no. Gustav was up for it because the director wanted him,
but then when that executive heard your voice, the job was yours.
-But now that your dad's back in... -What do you mean he's back in?
-What? l thought you knew. -No.
As of last night, his reps are pushing for him to be considered for it.
So now the studio feels like they have choices.
Each person is responsible for recording and mixing
their own audition, which is due tomorrow.
And l'd love to help you with that.
l gotta go back 'cause l gotta talk to Dani.
Danny? Who's Danny? Do you like him?
No, Dani's my sister. l was gonna see her before l....
What is the matter with you?
l'm sorry. l was trying to get your attention.
My mom has ADHD and it's like...
lt's called positive road blocking.
lt's just a way to kind of like jolt somebody into like focusing.
Can l just finish my mission here?
Yes.
Positive...
-Look. -What?
l like you. l really like you.
l know you're seeing Gustav Warner right now and l just...
How does everybody know about that? l don't understand.
The Russian community is really tight.
The point is this. Gustav's housekeeper Alla
told Heners' wife Mimi that Gustav just slept with you
to push you off your game.
He doesn't even consider you a real threat for the job.
Now l say screw that wet lettuce piece of shit.
Let's step up to the plate.
lt's the bottom of the ninth, the bases are loaded.
Let's give the voice over industry something to talk about here.
What do you say?
l'm sorry. Got carried away there.
You surprised me, Louis. God.
-Yeah? -Yeah. lt was a good pitch.
Was it? Good. 'Cause l actually did rehearse it.
l like you, too.
What?
l do.
She likes me.
All right.
Sandwich bar!
Watch your step.
Louis, thank you so much for letting me stay here.
l appreciate it. My sister and her husband needed some emergency alone time.
Watch out for that.
Hey, no sweat. lt's my pleasure.
Welcome, welcome.
This is cool.
-You like it? -Yeah.
Well, l finally got you here.
l mean as much as we've known each other for a while.
You've never been here before. That's all l meant by that.
Oh, wow. ls that a couch bed?
Yeah.
Oh, that's cool. lt looks great. You're good at that.
l find myself sleeping on the couch so much.
Oh, no, that's too bad.
You're in here, by the way.
-Oh, no. -Yes.
No, no. That looks awesome.
Look. l put waters next to the bed.
-l happen to be a couch aficionado. -l re-did the sheets.
All clean sheets for you.
-l can't. -l insist. Come on.
Tomorrow's game day.
You're the athlete. The athlete sleeps in the bed.
The coach sleeps on the couch. l insist. Sleep well. Okay?
Okay.
Was it something l said?
Oh, hey, no. l was just trying to give you privacy.
Oh, okay.
By the way, there's a switch right next to the bed down there.
lf you hit that switch when you want to go to sleep,
everything will go dark.
l rigged all the lights into the one switch.
Because l hate getting up and it's like l'm already falling asleep,
and l gotta walk across the room and whatever.
l'm not showing off. l'm sure other people have done it, too.
lt did take a lot of work actually.
There was quite a bit of wiring involved.
So, l'm gonna stop talking now and we'll get some sleep.
lf you need anything, coach on the couch.
Okay. Coach on the couch.
Oh! l'm naked!
Just kidding. l'm not.
-l got you. -l didn't want to be inappropriate.
-Thank you for the knock. -Yes.
Towels in the bathroom. Fresh.
Great. Towels.
Not the blue one. Don't use the blue one.
The blue one.
What's wrong with the blue one?
ln case you can't get to sleep,
l left some homeopathic sleeping pills next to the water.
How'd you know?
l'm naturally intuitive.
You went to what?
Who is Viv?
No, there's no Viv. l'm intuitive.
Like a person who has intuition, it's the...
l think it's the adjectival... lt doesn't matter.
l just thought maybe it would be weird sleeping in the same place
since we've both admitted that we like each other. You know?
Yeah. lt is awkward sort of.
Yeah.
But now that we've acknowledged it, it's not as weird, though. Right?
Yeah.
l'm gonna still take one of these pills, though.
All right. Get some sleep, okay?
Yeah.
Rest that voice. We've got a big day tomorrow.
l'm trying.
We ride. We ride. We ride on a cushion of air.
l thought you didn't eat meat.
l don't. But on game day you want to taste the blood, you know?
l want you to wear this.
Sweetie, let me alone. l need to do my thing now. l have to concentrate.
lt's my lucky scarf. lt helped me through my surgery.
Surgery? l didn't know you had any kind of surgery.
Corrective rhinoplasty.
lt was so scary and this scarf was my strength.
Thank you, Jamie. l really appreciate it.
You're welcome.
-All right. Let's hit it. -Okay!
Here we go.
Remember. First the right button, then you slate.
Right button. Okay.
Check one.
No, you push the button first, then you slate.
Okay.
Action.
-Just say "Take 1 ." -Take 1 .
Take 1 .
Test 1 . This is Sam Sotto.
That sounds real good.
Sweetie, l'm in the middle of recording. You have to keep absolute silence, okay?
Okay, l didn't know.
Once more. This time it's "Take 2," don't forget.
Okay.
-Take 1 ... Two! Take 2. -Take 2.
Excuse me.
Hey, make sure your phone's turned off. l think we're getting some feedback out here.
Sorry.
All right, Carol. Let me hear your levels.
Yeah, hold on.
Testing, testing, one, two, three. How does that sound?
Good, sounds great.
Okay.
All right.
The Amazon Games promo, take 1 .
ln a world...
Where a hybrid breed of mutant male savages...
Are feeding on the barren lands of Mother Earth.
A time where mankind has been replaced by womankind.
A battle of epic strength will collapse a barbaric enemy.
One woman...
Dared to rise up and exceed the boundaries of the impossible.
From the literary phenomenon that inspired a generation...
Comes a quadrilogy...
Of one brave warrior who must fight for her land.
From BAFTA winning director, Terrence Pouncer.
The Amazon Games.
lt's a broad new world.
l cannot wait to see that movie.
Oh, man.
Oh, thanks for that, babe. That was unbelievable.
l don't understand why you think
you have to deprive yourself of pleasure before you perform.
You were so tense.
Now, now, Jamie. They have to hear the sex in your voice.
Oh, there's always sex in your voice, Sam.
So, how do you feel?
How do l feel? How do you feel?
l feel awesome. l feel great.
Cheers! Awesome.
Seriously, like, you did awesome. Congrats.
Thanks.
Hey, do you have to wake up early tomorrow?
Who?
Carol Solomon, home safe.
-Louis Parker. Thank you. -Done.
You're a great driver.
l thank you. l wasn't...
No, you're really good at it.
l thought l was very good. And l'm not drunk, BTW.
-No. Of course. l get it. -l don't even say BTW usually.
The tiniest buzz. Potentially.
Louis, can you come back though, for a second.
Come back. l have one question for you.
lt's a real quick Q.
Do you have any more of those, like, you know, those...
Songs?
No. The sleeping pills?
No. Not on me.
You know the ones?
No, l'm sorry. Why?
No. lt's just gonna be really hard for me
to fall asleep after you kiss me.
lt's gonna be really hard.
She's the whistleblower.
Or the confronter.
Guys! How many hours of this crap can you watch?
Honey, you look so cute.
Who died?
Give me a kiss.
We're leaving for the Golden Trailer Awards in 1 5 minutes!
No, l can't.
Dad can suck it.
Your dad is winning a Lifetime Achievement Award.
You are his only family. We have tickets.
You're going if l have to drag you.
l've a lot of important work l've gotta do here.
Jeff Garlin's hosting.
This girl's a Daisy Whore.
Let's go!
Sweat pants off!
Hey, do we have to do anything, if we have these?
-This is Sam Sotto's daughters right here. -Shut up.
l can't go in there. Literally, l'm humiliated.
l'm not going in if you're not going in.
Guys! Lifetime Achievement. Lifetime.
You work your entire lifetime to win a Golden Trailer
for the Best Original Foreign Teaser Trailer.
We are just thankful to be recognized.
l love you, Tracy!
How about that, huh?
Before the show l saw the two of them tossing a pumpkin backstage.
Must be something they do in their homeland. Just a warm-up.
There's a big deal going on now with the quadrilogy series.
Quadrilogy, three books weren't enough. Four!
And they're making four movies
and the first movie, you're about to get a... You'll see.
Please welcome the executive producer ofThe Amazon Games, Katherine Huling!
Thank you.
This year, in honor of the late Don LaFontaine,
the Golden Trailer Awards have deemed this the perfect occasion
to unveil the first trailer forThe Amazon Games.
As you know, Don coined those three little words
that make this a truly epic promo.
And one of which we can all be proud.
So without further ado,
take your first look at The Amazon Games.
ln a world where a hybrid breed of mutant male savages
are feeding on the barren lands of Mother Earth.
l will avenge you.
A time where mankind has been replaced by womankind.
A battle of epic strength
will collapse a barbaric enemy.
We will walk! We will run! But we will fight!
Sam!
One woman dared to rise up
and exceed the boundaries of the impossible.
This land is ours!
From the literary phenomenon that inspired a generation
comes the quadrilogy
of one brave warrior who must fight for her land.
The Amazon Games.
Sammy, don't scream. lt's bad for your larynx!
Sam! You stop it right now!
Oh, cork it, Jamie!
Now, you listen to me, Samuel Solomon.
l am my mother's daughter and you cannot talk to me like that
no matter how bad you're hurting.
You buck up and be proud of your daughter, damn it.
Dad.
Now when you're done standing there crying and feeling sorry for yourself
you are gonna go and apologize to both your daughters
for being such a jerk.
Okay?
And you're gonna be a good daddy from now on
or else you can say goodbye to me and my perfect nose.
You're a better man than you think, Sammy.
Winning isn't everything. Family is.
And being nice is a lot more fun. You'll see.
Oh, my God! You're... Hi. l'm Carol Solomon.
l know who you are.
Of course you do. That's stupid.
Listen, l want to take this opportunity to thank you.
l really appreciate you taking a chance on me.
l know you hire whoever's best for the job, but l just...
-Carol, let me level with you. -lt's really special.
Sure, you have perfect tone and a strong sound
that's a fitting choice for the genre.
Oh, thanks.
But l'm using you for a bigger purpose.
This pseudo-feminist fantasy tween chick-lit bullshit
is a devolution of the female mission.
lt's cancerous to the intelligence of young women.
You got this job because whether the general public
chooses to acknowledge it or not, voice over matters.
Everyone in the world watches movie trailers.
Everyone in the world sees commercials on television.
Or they hear them on the radio. And that is power!
Look, this quadrilogy is going to make billions of dollars
and your voice is going to be the one to inspire every girl who hears it.
And that's why l chose you.
Not because you were the best for the job.
Because frankly, you weren't.
l bet your dad is proud.
Okay. You're gonna be great.
You screwed me over.
You screwed my daughter.
Yes, l did.
l don't like him one bit.
Which is partially a joke. Really rubbed me the wrong way.
But nonetheless, l'm going to introduce him. Please welcome
Gustav Warner, everybody.
Thank you. Thank you.
Tonight, one voice transcends the very generation it represents.
One voice soars above the rest.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present
the recipient of the Golden Trailer Lifetime Achievement Award,
Sam Sotto.
Good job, Sam.
l'm so very sorry.
My voice seems to have finally thrown in the towel.
l just wanted to...
Well, l had you all going there for a minute, didn't l?
But in all sincerity,
l just wanted to express
how deeply grateful l am for this tremendous accolade.
You know, a great voice isn't only a blessing, it's also a choice.
And l choose every day to be a part of this great industry.
Now, l'm not quite done with my career yet,
so don't get too excited, Gustav.
But l'm proud to say
that the tradition carries on.
lt's surprising where some of our new iconic voices will emerge from.
You know,
my father used to say to me,
"You're good, kid,
"but as long as l'm around,
"you'll never be as good as me."
WeII, this award sure does make me feeI pretty good.
And so tonight l'd like to dedicate this award
to my daughters, who make me very proud.
Thank you.
lt's a broad new world.
All right. Thanks so much.
So l shared that with all of you guys 'cause l wanted to remind you
why you're all here today.
l guess let's start with Stacy.
Stacy, what do you do for a living?
l'm a corporate attorney.
Great. And l know you've been on a job hunt.
How's that going for you?
l've been interviewing for about 1 0 months.
And why do you think that is?
Because l sound like a sexy baby.
Which may be great for the bedroom.
Yeah. lt is.
But am l really going to hire a sexy baby
to defend me in a patent infringement lawsuit?
Right. No.
Over the next six weeks
Louis will be recording your voices
and we will listen to your sounds evolve.
Right before your very ears.
'Cause women should sound like women.
Not baby dolls who end everything in a question.
Let's make a statement.
Now, who's ready to be heard?
Great, so what we're gonna do is north-south-east-west.
North-south-east-west.
l'm gonna go say hi to them, but keep it up.
North-south-east-west.
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