1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
2
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:27,126
STAN: Do you have
a preference here?
3
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,660
Um, I...
4
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,095
I don't, do you?
Okay.
5
00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:35,034
Okay, I'm gonna be honest,
I just don't know anything.
6
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,702
I know absolutely
nothing about wines.
Okay.
7
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,103
I'll tell you how
I make my decision.
Uh-huh?
8
00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:39,772
I go...
9
00:00:39,774 --> 00:00:41,340
Cheapest? No,
the second cheapest.
(LAUGHING)
10
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,609
This is a date,
okay? I'm trying to...
11
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:48,414
You know, I'm trying to...
So, second cheapest.
Right.
12
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:49,515
CATHY: Second cheapest.
STAN: Is that cool?
13
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,450
(GIGGLING)
What do you, um...
14
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:52,484
So, what are you
doing after this?
15
00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:55,654
STAN: Do you have plans?
Do you have another...
16
00:00:55,656 --> 00:01:02,294
CATHY: I'm free, I'm free.
Oh, good. I'm glad
to hear that, because...
17
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,363
I don't know, you seem
to be having a good time.
I'm having a very good time.
18
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,664
Thanks.
Thank you so much.
19
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,099
Enjoy.
STAN: That's the weird thing
20
00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,700
that you like to order.
21
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:11,837
Yeah, I think you'll
love it. It's a liver pate.
22
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:13,806
Oh, that sounds good.
Liver pate.
23
00:01:13,808 --> 00:01:15,741
It was just,
I wanted to thank you.
24
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,843
Oh, no, no,
no, absolutely.
25
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:19,711
Don't mind us.
Oh, I'm so sorry,
sir. I'm sorry.
26
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,713
I'm so sorry.
(GIGGLING)
27
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,149
You don't have to
apologize that much,
he's gonna be okay.
28
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:27,486
STAN: Are you all right?
CATHY: I'm fine, I'm fine.
29
00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:28,220
STAN: What are you, um...
30
00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:30,289
So what do you...
(MUSIC PLAYING)
31
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:33,292
(SIGHING)
32
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:36,428
I saw a dash of fear.
So they take the...
33
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,630
Okay, I get a little...
I swear!
34
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:39,865
(SIGHING)
35
00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:46,605
Oh, God, I actually feel
completely comfortable,
36
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:49,374
it's just... Oh.
37
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:57,850
(MOANING)
38
00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:06,825
CATHY: I...
I can tell you...
39
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:08,727
(GASPING)
40
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:11,897
(GRUNTING)
STAN: This is what it's like.
41
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,732
This is what you can afford.
42
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,300
What I can afford?
Here, I'll
clean it up.
43
00:02:24,911 --> 00:02:26,178
(MOANING)
44
00:02:26,779 --> 00:02:28,413
(EXHALING)
45
00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:37,456
(DISTANT MUSIC PLAYING)
46
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:54,606
(SIGHS)
47
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:14,359
What is wrong
with you, dude?
48
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:57,456
(WHISPERING)
That's really shitty.
49
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:00,759
No, that's... Nope.
50
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,362
It's already rough.
51
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:08,533
I not gonna do that,
that's crazy.
52
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:24,683
Are you fucking kidding me?
53
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:26,752
Fuck.
54
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:34,793
Fuck it.
(LINE RINGING)
55
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:35,861
WOMAN'S VOICE: You've reached
the voice mailbox of...
56
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:37,629
MAN: My fat dick!
57
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,798
Jeff! What's up, man?
It's Stan.
58
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,768
Uh, been a while! Listen...
59
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:45,003
Guess who's coming
to Austin tomorrow?
60
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:49,441
(LAUGHS)
Oh, crazy, last-minute
thing, but, I...
61
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:51,576
I miss you, bud.
62
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,647
So, wondered if you could
pick me up at the airport.
63
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,516
I'll text you the details.
64
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,117
Sorry it's out of the blue,
but, um...
65
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,086
It'll be good to see you,
66
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:04,489
and your fat dick!
67
00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:26,711
That's me?
68
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:28,980
Hey!
69
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,148
What the fuck, Stan?
70
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,017
Hey...
71
00:07:32,685 --> 00:07:33,552
(SILENTLY)
72
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,923
What are you doing here?
73
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,758
I'm in town
for the weekend!
74
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,127
The douchebag
isn't picking you up, is he?
75
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,729
You mean Jeff?
Don't say his name,
I just ate.
76
00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:46,231
Okay, what's going on?
Are you guys not together?
77
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,467
No, we're not,
actually, ever, ever again.
78
00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:49,468
So, what are you
doing here?
79
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,604
You're joking, right?
What?
80
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:55,807
Hmm, this is accidental,
you showing up in Austin,
81
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:59,177
this weekend,
out of all weekends?
What are you talking about?
82
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,046
Are you trying to lie
to me right now, Stan?
What?
83
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,681
(MUSICAL NOTIFICATION)
Shit.
84
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:03,648
Who's that?
85
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:13,124
I just... I miss her, Kara.
I miss her so bad.
86
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,826
And I just felt like if I...
She has made
a lot of progress
87
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,028
these past six months,
no thanks to you
88
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,965
and your little "second
thought, I'm depressed" blues.
I am depressed.
89
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,234
I know you are, but you
are not gonna call her.
You're not gonna text her.
90
00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:25,070
No coming by my house,
no El Azteca.
91
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:26,671
No Dog & Duck.
Okay, wait,
wait, wait...
92
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,574
Okay, no! No.
You are not here.
Do you understand me?
93
00:08:29,576 --> 00:08:30,709
She doesn't own Austin.
94
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:31,710
No, I do.
95
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,514
It really feels like
you're taking sides here.
96
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,182
Just get the fuck
out of here!
97
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,783
I've gotta get this bitch
to buy me some brisket.
98
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:41,586
Are you gonna
leave her alone?
99
00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:44,089
It's a small town.
100
00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:02,007
(MUSICAL HORN BLARING)
101
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,074
JEFF: (OVER LOUDSPEAKER)
Stan, I don't know
if you can see me,
102
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:09,114
It says Backdoor Tacos on it,
I have my left hand extended.
Can you be more specific?
103
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:13,785
Mmm, I don't see you.
Um... It's green, there's
some tassels on it.
104
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,555
Uh, I'm sitting
in the front seat.
Hey, buddy.
105
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,657
Brought the truck?
What happened to your car?
106
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,692
Car was repoed,
kind of a sensitive
subject, please get in.
107
00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:23,728
(HEAVY METAL PLAYING)
108
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,300
(VOLUME LOWERED)
109
00:09:28,302 --> 00:09:31,670
Um, are you okay?
110
00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:33,071
I'm fine.
111
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,241
I like your hair.
112
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:38,743
I don't.
113
00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:43,882
So, have you seen
Jeff at all?
114
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:45,984
Nope.
115
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:48,286
Have you guys talked?
116
00:09:49,288 --> 00:09:50,188
Nope.
117
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,194
You know she has
a superpower?
118
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:58,029
Did you know that?
She has a superpower.
119
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,164
Oh, yeah?
Yeah!
120
00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,600
She can make
a check turn invisible
121
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:02,367
when it lands on the table.
122
00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:04,803
I swear to God, man.
123
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:07,238
One time I sat there
for fucking 45 minutes.
124
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,907
I was just curious,
I just wanted to see
what was gonna happen.
125
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:11,076
She's just sipping
her water and chatting.
126
00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:13,979
The waiter comes over
and he's like, "Excuse me,
I'd like to close out now."
127
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,381
And she's just
sipping her water
and chatting.
128
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,782
Finally, I pick her fucking
thing up and she says,
129
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,184
"Oh, thank you
so much, sweetie!"
130
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,219
Like all of a sudden,
the check fucking exists.
131
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:22,187
Fuck that shit!
132
00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:30,228
So, otherwise
you've been good?
So good, man.
133
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,864
I love being
single so much.
134
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,733
What about you?
How's New York?
135
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,067
Oh, um...
136
00:10:36,869 --> 00:10:37,769
Fine.
137
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:39,270
Classes?
138
00:10:40,072 --> 00:10:41,006
Interesting.
139
00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:42,374
Really hard.
140
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,411
Dr. Morgan.
So dope!
141
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:49,681
What?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
142
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,383
Yeah, in like six years.
143
00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:53,652
What's up with you,
man, huh?
144
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,288
Coochie, coochie-coo!
Really?
145
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,825
Any guys that are
worth a shit?
146
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,427
Oh, my God, dude,
the girls in LA...
147
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:04,396
Really?
Woo!
148
00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:07,198
I'm not really in
the state of mind where
I think I'd notice.
149
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,134
Well, you have come
to Austin, Texas
on a good night,
150
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,036
because I've lined
something up
for this evening
151
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,872
that will have us
literally eating pussy.
152
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,675
I don't think
you mean...
Dude, don't doubt on...
153
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:17,876
Oh, you'll notice.
154
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,714
Tonight, you'll notice.
155
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,849
What! Get out
of my holes!
(LAUGHING)
156
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:26,384
Oh, man.
157
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:29,854
(DEATH METAL BLARING)
158
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,734
Thanks!
159
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:45,770
KARA: No problem. You got it?
Yes.
160
00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:48,406
Okay.
Um, what is that?
161
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,709
Oh, yeah.
That's Jeff's shit.
162
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,844
I threw it out.
And he just left it here?
163
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:53,745
(SCOFFS)
He's too scared
to come by.
164
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:57,048
This is it?
165
00:11:57,783 --> 00:11:58,717
Yep.
166
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,485
Hop out.
167
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,287
Why?
168
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,388
'Cause my door doesn't
work, you have to get out.
Still?
169
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,355
Yeah, still.
170
00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:10,028
So, how do you
know this guy?
171
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,830
It's Redge.
172
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,132
Who's Redge?
173
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:15,166
Redge, he's...
174
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:17,035
He's old-school.
175
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:20,972
MAN: Yeah,
you spread it.
176
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:24,109
You spread it
and then you fuck it.
JEFF: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
177
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,344
What up?
Dude, you gotta
see this, dude.
178
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:27,312
Okay, okay.
You have to see this.
179
00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:29,814
Stan, this is Joe.
180
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:31,015
Yo!
Oh, hey, man.
181
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:31,983
What's up, dude?
You live here, too?
182
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:36,321
Neat. This is Redge,
over here. He owns the place.
183
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:38,490
Hey, what's up... Hollywood!
(LAUGHS)
184
00:12:38,492 --> 00:12:40,425
Hey.
185
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,360
JEFF: I'm gonna sleep
on the couch, you're gonna
sleep on the floor.
186
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,863
Cool, thanks, man,
I appreciate it.
187
00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:46,931
Yeah, man,
no problem, just,
188
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,767
the toilet doesn't work
so you've gotta pee-pee
in the sink
189
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,300
and poo-poo at 7-Eleven.
190
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,102
Fantastic.
191
00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:54,005
Joseph, let's see it.
192
00:12:57,076 --> 00:12:58,209
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
193
00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:23,535
REDGE: Yeah!
194
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:28,540
She's so fucking wet,
look at that!
195
00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:31,276
(GRUNTS)
196
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:34,913
Fuck, yeah.
Now, turn around,
make her eat your ass.
197
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:35,847
Ass-eating time,
munch it.
198
00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:37,515
It's time.
199
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:40,151
Oh, yeah, fuck her.
200
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:44,189
Ahh! Yeah, that's it,
that's it! Ooh!
201
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,524
Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
202
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,226
REDGE: Yeah.
JEFF: All right, all right.
203
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:49,928
That was fun.
What was that?
204
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:50,929
JEFF: Oh, he nailed it.
It's air sex.
205
00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:54,098
What is that, air sex?
You don't know
what air sex...
206
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,867
I thought you said
he was from LA?
207
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,202
It's kind of
a big deal.
Okay.
208
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,970
Focus on me
right now, guys.
209
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,406
Does this take place
on the astral plane?
210
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:03,842
Or in a fantasy world?
211
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:05,443
No, this happens
here in real life.
212
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,412
JEFF: Do the laws
of physics apply here?
Absolutely.
213
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:08,847
Here's what
I'm seeing.
214
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,248
Whoa, what are
you seeing?
I'm seeing you
215
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,050
laying on the ground
being sixty-nined,
216
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,252
and then when you say
"Have her eat your ass."
217
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,254
You sit up,
she's magically
underneath you.
218
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,323
JEFF: Are you fucking a ghost?
JOE: Let's all slow down.
219
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,959
JEFF: Is he fucking a ghost?
REDGE: Nobody's done
a fucking ghost routine,
220
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,595
that's a good idea, we
should do a ghost routine.
Listen, okay, that's fine,
221
00:14:23,597 --> 00:14:25,864
but if you're gonna fuck
a ghost, we have to
introduce in the first act,
222
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,966
not the third act,
that you're fucking a ghost.
223
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,501
REDGE: Unless we're
doing an M. Night
Shyamalama thing...
224
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:32,303
We are not gonna
do an M. Night
Shyamalama thing!
225
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,307
Did I tell you how many
guys I slept with
after our last breakup?
226
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,142
No?
227
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:39,878
Seven.
228
00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:41,946
Wow!
229
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:43,448
Yep.
230
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,551
That's kind of
a lot, right?
231
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:49,220
It's... It's not a little.
232
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:52,023
So you're gonna
do that in front of
hundreds of people?
233
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:54,058
Yeah.
Okay. That's ridiculous.
234
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,193
Right.
You do
know that, right?
235
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:56,561
No, no, I do,
I do, I do.
236
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,529
I know that it's
ridiculous to win the finals
237
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,632
and get a month
of free alcohol.
238
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:02,267
Horny college girls
knowing that we know
how to fuck?
239
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:03,401
It's silly, actually.
240
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,536
Okay, guys, order up!
241
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:08,106
Ooh!
REDGE: Backdoor Tacos
never die!
242
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:09,641
They just multiply.
243
00:15:09,643 --> 00:15:11,976
REDGE: Ah, muchas gracias!
244
00:15:11,978 --> 00:15:14,679
Look, man, can we just
go to a regular bar, like
the Dog & Duck?
245
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:18,082
The Dog & Duck
suck and fuck?
246
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,651
Fuck that place.
247
00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:21,185
What do you mean,
"Fuck that place"?
248
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,588
He lost it
in the divorce.
Shut the fuck up, Joey.
249
00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:27,392
Just wanted
some other dick, you know?
Yeah...
250
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:29,661
Like, I live
with Jeff's dick.
251
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:31,963
It's just so familiar.
252
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,398
I see his pee
coming out of it
and I'm like,
253
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,166
"Oh, I have sex
with that sometimes."
254
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,135
It's like an appliance.
255
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,137
Like a microwave.
256
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:42,240
Like a tiny
little microwave.
257
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:44,375
It's tiny?
258
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,611
Oh, like the fist
of a preemie.
Ew.
259
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,646
(MOCKINGLY)
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
260
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,282
Stan's is...
Is what?
261
00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:53,217
Is huge?
262
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,219
No.
Is hairy?
263
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:57,121
No.
Is it all crooked?
264
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,523
What?
265
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,658
Hey, I once had sex
with this guy
266
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,994
whose dick was
so crooked it looked
like a question mark
267
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:04,095
whenever he got hard.
268
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,330
(BOTH LAUGHING)
269
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,565
Oh! What do you
want to know, little lady?
270
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:08,666
(CHUCKLING)
271
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:10,535
No, it's...
272
00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:13,571
It's perfect.
273
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,340
No, Cath,
274
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,141
"Was", okay?
275
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,209
You gotta put that dick
in the past tense.
276
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,244
No, I know.
277
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:25,049
Losing the sex stuff
and the relationship stuff,
278
00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:26,384
it's been hard.
279
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:31,456
But losing the friendship's
been the worst.
280
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,058
And I could really
use a friend up there
right now.
281
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,193
Oh, buddy.
282
00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:40,098
Sometimes I just
wanna check in
with him, you know.
283
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,532
Yeah.
284
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,534
Hear about
what he's doing.
285
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:44,602
Okay, come here.
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)
286
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,004
Stand here.
287
00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:48,639
No reason to be
nervous, okay?
288
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,708
We're gonna do something
very, very simple.
289
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,077
It's not even sexual,
okay? I just want you to
290
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:54,112
do a little
exercise with me.
291
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:57,048
Huh?
292
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,283
We're just doing
some Tai Chi,
that's all this is.
293
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,185
Is this weird?
Yeah, this is weird.
294
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,187
Well, that's on you,
my friend.
295
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,790
Okay. Now, we're
just gonna make
a little adjustment.
296
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:09,093
I just want you
to turn your hands inward,
like that.
297
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:11,129
Huh? Now look
what happened!
298
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,697
There it is!
What's all this, now?
299
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,133
Oh, my gosh,
we're having sex
with a beautiful woman.
300
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,201
Wow, so beautiful.
Yeah, man,
just go with that.
301
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,103
Now just
elaborate on that.
302
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:21,439
You can be
the best sex guy ever,
303
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,808
your dick can be
30 feet long.
JOE: Daredevil, man.
304
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,277
Dude, go with that!
Aah! Aah!
305
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:29,047
JOE: Wet her whistle, man.
Jingle her bells.
306
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,416
My dick is so big!
307
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:33,317
This is her face,
that's her ass, go.
You see that?
308
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:34,685
Oh, it's good, it's good,
you're really good.
309
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,587
Help, get into it, though,
like, join me.
310
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:38,556
'Cause that's her ass
and this is her...
That's okay, you do this one.
311
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,059
I'll take the next one,
you do this one.
Ooh!
312
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,293
Come on.
Yeah, there it is.
313
00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:46,264
That was
her head, I think.
No, I've got her head.
314
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,799
You're going
in the ass.
Okay.
315
00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,333
Look. Let's try
something over here.
316
00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:50,268
Okay.
317
00:17:51,703 --> 00:17:53,805
Oh! You are so
fucking pretty, Cathy!
318
00:17:53,807 --> 00:17:55,807
What? No!
Yeah!
319
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:58,309
I'm serious, dude.
320
00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,844
This is gonna sell
like crazy once
I get it on my site.
321
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,779
Of course it will!
322
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,781
It's gorgeous!
323
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,283
(MUSICAL NOTIFICATION)
324
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,350
Oh.
325
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:09,787
CATHY: Who's that?
326
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:12,857
Just some loser
who won't leave me alone.
327
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:16,627
All right.
328
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,329
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Work it, bitch!
329
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:18,629
(LAUGHING)
(SHUTTER CLICKING)
330
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:39,283
JEFF: But it's true, though,
in Africa they...
331
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,185
There's many cultures,
there's a bunch
of countries...
332
00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:43,254
Hey. Hey, guys?
Why don't we just, like,
333
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:45,289
hit up a bunch
of different bars?
334
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,625
You know, just stop
at a bunch of places,
get shots at each one,
335
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,760
I'll buy shots.
336
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,230
Stan, I understand
if you want to sit out
on the bench tonight.
337
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,831
I get that you have
body-shame issues,
you've got fat knees,
338
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,134
that's not your fault,
all right?
339
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,736
But it doesn't mean
you can't still bang some
strange this evening, buddy.
340
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,404
Okay, yeah. It's been
a long time
341
00:19:00,406 --> 00:19:01,706
since you entered
the field of battle,
342
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,574
that's true.
Uh-huh.
343
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:04,509
And you're worried
about hatching out
of your shell
344
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:05,877
before you're
fully incubated.
345
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:07,545
Nobody likes preemies,
they're disgusting.
346
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,614
That's not
gonna be an issue,
347
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,516
because I'm gonna give
you a couple of arrows
to put into your quiver.
348
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,351
That's going to help you
to bring down the big game.
349
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,386
Maybe pick one metaphor?
Okay.
350
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,821
I'm just assuming
that you...
Follow me here, Stan.
351
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,890
Girls guard the vagina.
352
00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:19,924
Yeah, they guard it
with their life.
353
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,760
Okay? So we have
to guard the penis.
354
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:25,196
Oh, okay.
Like a hockey goal,
you know?
355
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,631
He doesn't like metaphors.
The puck
is the vagina.
356
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:27,365
He doesn't like them,
so we're not
gonna use metaphors.
357
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,468
Stan?
358
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,870
You've gotta let them know
they can't have this.
359
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:36,374
Because people always want
what they can't have.
What they can't have...
360
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:39,710
See?
So, you've gotta be
an asshole!
361
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:42,213
Yeah, but not
a giant asshole.
Right.
362
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,548
You can't be
an unfuckable asshole,
363
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:44,749
you have
to be discreet.
364
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:47,618
You have to
say things to women
365
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,754
that appear
nice at first...
Very discreet.
366
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:52,356
Right. They appear
nice, but really,
they're kind of mean.
367
00:20:11,476 --> 00:20:12,944
Do y'all have a tab?
Jenkins.
368
00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:24,655
Woo, that is a serious
STD sandwich.
369
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:27,258
Who cares about them,
this is our night, right?
370
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,460
Mmm-hmm.
Here is to home.
371
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,996
This will always be home,
no matter what.
372
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,365
Boom! ATX in the hizzle!
373
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,400
Little bit weird!
374
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:39,270
(LAUGHING)
How's it going, ladies?
375
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:40,571
Wow, you girls
look really pretty.
376
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,607
I'm sorry, are you lost?
377
00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:44,909
(LAUGHING)
You're funny,
I like your hair.
378
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,577
And your tats.
You wanna dance?
379
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,546
Mmm, no.
380
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,514
Oh. Why?
Is your boyfriend here?
381
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,250
I don't have a boyfriend.
382
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:55,019
He's an idiot!
(LAUGHING)
383
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:57,888
Okay, so,
for example, um...
384
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,824
You would say something
like, "That's a beautiful
dress you have on,
385
00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:01,626
"it really makes
your ass look small."
386
00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:03,728
Or, like my friend says,
"You're a fat ass,
387
00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:06,297
"but you're really
not that big."
(LAUGHS)
388
00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:07,698
Or, "Hey, is that
a beauty mark,
389
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,000
"or do you just have
some shit on your face?"
390
00:21:09,002 --> 00:21:10,801
That's really good.
391
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:13,337
That's really...
Can I use that?
392
00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:15,373
Yeah, of course.
That's a good line.
393
00:21:16,508 --> 00:21:17,942
Essentially, what
we're doing, Stan,
394
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,910
is we're lowering
their self-esteem
395
00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:21,312
so that then
they look to us
for validation
396
00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:23,381
and we can...
397
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:28,519
you tell girls they're
ugly so they'll want
to have sex with you.
398
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:29,453
Yeah.
In a nutshell.
399
00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:31,756
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
400
00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:39,363
(PHONE BUZZING)
401
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:53,344
Oh! Geez, um...
Oh, I'm so sorry,
are you okay?
402
00:21:53,346 --> 00:21:55,880
Yeah, it's... I...
Oh, my goodness, here.
403
00:21:55,882 --> 00:21:57,415
Take that for you.
Thank you.
404
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:58,683
I'm so sorry,
can I get you
another drink?
405
00:21:58,685 --> 00:22:00,618
Uh, no, that's okay...
406
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:02,720
I mean, I think
you look like
you need another drink.
407
00:22:02,722 --> 00:22:04,655
Um...
408
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,857
Here, have some of mine.
No, I'm fine.
409
00:22:06,859 --> 00:22:07,792
No, no, no,
no roofies in this one.
410
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:09,894
(FORCED LAUGH)
411
00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:13,597
On that note,
I'm gonna leave you.
412
00:22:13,599 --> 00:22:14,598
You know what?
413
00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:19,537
You killed that.
Oh.
414
00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:21,405
Excuse me,
415
00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:23,774
two vodka tonics, please.
No, actually, I was
just about to, um...
416
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,044
To go.
Oh, are you?
417
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,815
I wonder if I could
possibly make this
any more awkward.
418
00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:33,517
No, no, it's not you,
it's just...
419
00:22:34,953 --> 00:22:36,454
CATHY: Oh, my God,
my friend is...
420
00:22:37,723 --> 00:22:39,357
Oh, humping my brother
on the dance floor.
421
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,726
What? That's
your brother?
422
00:22:42,461 --> 00:22:44,795
Unfortunately, yes.
423
00:22:44,797 --> 00:22:48,733
Wow, that just
made this
way more awkward.
424
00:22:48,735 --> 00:22:51,035
I knew we could do it.
Here, cheers.
425
00:22:58,944 --> 00:23:00,878
Who's this?
426
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,680
Um...
427
00:23:02,682 --> 00:23:03,848
Give the girl
some room.
428
00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:04,849
You got a text.
429
00:23:08,153 --> 00:23:10,688
Oh, fuck.
430
00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:13,057
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)
431
00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:14,425
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
432
00:23:22,801 --> 00:23:24,869
Oh, fuck, yeah!
433
00:23:26,037 --> 00:23:27,905
Oh, yeah!
434
00:23:31,042 --> 00:23:32,443
Oh!
435
00:23:38,850 --> 00:23:40,584
JEFF: Oh, we have
an asshole!
436
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:41,886
He's blowing right
into an asshole!
437
00:23:42,487 --> 00:23:43,521
Unbelievable!
438
00:23:45,824 --> 00:23:46,857
(CHEERING)
439
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,995
Now he's getting
another guy to suck
the weed out of the ass!
440
00:23:55,734 --> 00:23:57,535
(CROWD CHEERING)
441
00:23:59,137 --> 00:24:01,071
ANNOUNCER: (ON PA) All right.
Hey, hey.
442
00:24:01,073 --> 00:24:02,873
Now look, all right,
all right, all right.
443
00:24:02,875 --> 00:24:05,576
Now, look. I've shown
you what I can do up here.
444
00:24:05,578 --> 00:24:06,644
Huh, huh, huh?
445
00:24:07,979 --> 00:24:10,881
Now it's time
for you to show me
446
00:24:10,883 --> 00:24:13,717
what you can do, huh?
Come on.
447
00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:15,619
Huh? Oh, come on.
448
00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:16,987
Oh, come on, come on,
no, don't sit down.
449
00:24:16,989 --> 00:24:18,589
Dude, you've
gotta get up there,
it's your time.
450
00:24:18,591 --> 00:24:20,057
You've been practicing,
you're the man.
451
00:24:20,059 --> 00:24:21,559
You're the diamond
in the rough,
you can shine!
452
00:24:21,561 --> 00:24:24,061
The air wants to fuck,
453
00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:26,464
and you must fuck the air.
454
00:24:26,466 --> 00:24:29,066
You must fuck the air.
455
00:24:29,068 --> 00:24:31,836
You must fuck the air.
456
00:24:31,838 --> 00:24:34,104
You must fuck the air!
(PHONE VIBRATES)
457
00:24:34,106 --> 00:24:35,973
CROWD: (CHANTING)
You must fuck the air!
458
00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:37,741
You must fuck the air!
What are you doing?
459
00:24:43,582 --> 00:24:45,683
Okay, so,
that's why you came.
460
00:24:48,253 --> 00:24:49,887
I will fuck the air!
461
00:24:49,889 --> 00:24:52,189
(CHEERING)
462
00:24:52,191 --> 00:24:52,923
Now I know
why you're here.
463
00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:55,659
I was gonna
tell you, dude, I just...
464
00:25:00,232 --> 00:25:02,700
Oh, yeah.
465
00:25:02,702 --> 00:25:04,235
MAN: Fuck the air
like a stallion, my friend!
466
00:25:04,237 --> 00:25:05,503
(CROWD CHEERING)
467
00:25:05,505 --> 00:25:07,137
JEFF: Can I say something?
468
00:25:07,139 --> 00:25:09,106
Oh, speak.
469
00:25:09,108 --> 00:25:11,942
Uh, this is gonna go out
to my ex-girlfriend
470
00:25:11,944 --> 00:25:14,111
who recently kicked me
out of my house.
471
00:25:14,113 --> 00:25:15,579
CROWD: Ooh.
Yeah. Yeah.
472
00:25:15,581 --> 00:25:17,014
Hey. Kara Jenkins?
473
00:25:17,016 --> 00:25:18,516
You can't get this dick!
474
00:25:18,518 --> 00:25:21,018
That's what's up!
475
00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:22,586
ANNOUNCER: Put
your hands together
476
00:25:22,588 --> 00:25:26,557
for Mr. Fuckasaurus Sex!
477
00:25:32,664 --> 00:25:33,631
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING)
478
00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:47,645
(HISSING)
479
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,714
Yeah.
Do it.
480
00:25:56,988 --> 00:25:58,556
(HISSING)
481
00:26:01,693 --> 00:26:02,059
MAN: What you got
down there?
482
00:26:04,796 --> 00:26:05,996
(HISSING)
483
00:26:06,631 --> 00:26:08,032
(CROWD CHEERING)
484
00:26:12,737 --> 00:26:13,637
(SPITS)
485
00:26:30,889 --> 00:26:32,356
(SOBBING)
I'm such
a terrible friend.
486
00:26:32,358 --> 00:26:34,058
No, you're not.
487
00:26:35,093 --> 00:26:37,061
No.
Yes, I am.
488
00:26:37,963 --> 00:26:39,897
I am.
489
00:26:39,899 --> 00:26:41,999
Well, maybe today,
but not usually.
490
00:26:43,001 --> 00:26:44,768
It's just so hard!
491
00:26:45,670 --> 00:26:47,605
It's so hard,
492
00:26:47,607 --> 00:26:49,773
it's so hard
to be friends
with both of you,
493
00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:52,776
I love you both
so much!
494
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:57,214
Don't cry, sweet girl.
I love you, Cathy.
495
00:26:57,216 --> 00:26:58,916
Oh, Ralphie's here.
496
00:26:58,918 --> 00:27:01,785
That's it, that's it.
497
00:27:01,787 --> 00:27:05,222
Why am I
such a bitch sometimes?
Oh, no, you're not a bitch.
498
00:27:05,224 --> 00:27:08,325
Mmm, you're sexy.
You're so sweet...
499
00:27:08,327 --> 00:27:10,194
What the fuck?
What are you doing?
500
00:27:10,196 --> 00:27:11,829
Kissing your tears away.
501
00:27:11,831 --> 00:27:14,898
You think your
fish face is gonna
make me feel better?
502
00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:15,866
Come on, buddy.
503
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,141
So he came all the way
to Austin just to see me?
504
00:27:26,778 --> 00:27:29,780
Half creepy,
half romantic.
505
00:27:29,782 --> 00:27:30,881
Good old Stan.
506
00:27:33,284 --> 00:27:35,219
I cannot see him tonight.
507
00:27:35,221 --> 00:27:37,354
I'm not ready.
508
00:27:37,356 --> 00:27:38,288
She's just like
a young Goldie Hawn.
509
00:27:38,290 --> 00:27:40,024
Okay.
510
00:27:40,026 --> 00:27:42,259
In Wildcats.
I mean, I see it.
511
00:27:42,261 --> 00:27:43,994
Just, so hot.
The coach, right?
512
00:27:43,996 --> 00:27:46,096
So feisty!
513
00:27:46,098 --> 00:27:46,864
KARA: Do you
wanna go home?
514
00:27:48,033 --> 00:27:51,201
No! No, that is not
why I came here.
515
00:27:52,771 --> 00:27:54,772
I came here
to have fun.
516
00:27:54,774 --> 00:27:56,273
To have a good time.
517
00:27:56,275 --> 00:27:59,810
Word up.
518
00:27:59,812 --> 00:28:01,945
Let's just go someplace
he'd never go
in a million years.
519
00:28:04,315 --> 00:28:05,716
What about them?
520
00:28:12,457 --> 00:28:15,459
Is it just me, or doesn't
he look like that guy
521
00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:16,794
from Midnight Cowboy?
522
00:28:17,862 --> 00:28:19,396
Like Jon Voight.
523
00:28:21,766 --> 00:28:23,000
I love you.
524
00:28:36,081 --> 00:28:37,247
That's a nice ass, huh?
525
00:28:39,050 --> 00:28:40,384
Did you just say
"nice ass"?
526
00:28:40,386 --> 00:28:41,852
No.
527
00:28:41,854 --> 00:28:43,287
Really, that wasn't you?
528
00:28:43,289 --> 00:28:46,123
I... No, I would
never say that.
529
00:28:46,125 --> 00:28:47,224
Oh, well, thanks.
530
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,795
Not that you don't
have one, I'm just...
See, you were!
531
00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:53,430
You were looking
at my ass.
I wasn't!
532
00:28:54,766 --> 00:28:55,432
(GROANS)
533
00:28:57,402 --> 00:28:58,869
What happened?
Dropped my phone
down there.
534
00:29:02,774 --> 00:29:04,374
Can you not reach it?
535
00:29:04,376 --> 00:29:07,044
Well, do you see it
in my hand?
536
00:29:11,149 --> 00:29:12,416
You don't
have to do that.
537
00:29:12,418 --> 00:29:13,784
It's fine.
538
00:29:15,887 --> 00:29:18,122
I've been out here
for like, 20 minutes and
nobody's offered to help.
539
00:29:18,124 --> 00:29:20,023
Yeah, people suck.
They really do.
540
00:29:22,127 --> 00:29:23,360
Nice ass, by the way.
541
00:29:27,065 --> 00:29:28,432
Wait, hold on.
Maybe this comes off.
542
00:29:28,434 --> 00:29:30,367
STAN: Uh, I don't know...
543
00:29:30,369 --> 00:29:31,401
WOMAN: Yeah...
544
00:29:32,303 --> 00:29:33,137
Thanks.
545
00:29:35,473 --> 00:29:36,807
Um...
546
00:29:39,310 --> 00:29:42,913
Right.
Oh, hold on, you might
step on it, so...
547
00:29:42,915 --> 00:29:44,782
Can I use your phone?
Can I call it?
Yep.
548
00:29:44,784 --> 00:29:45,516
I'll see it
light up, and...
549
00:29:46,151 --> 00:29:47,818
Thanks.
550
00:29:47,820 --> 00:29:50,320
(DIALING)
213, LA, really?
551
00:29:50,322 --> 00:29:51,522
Yeah, why?
552
00:29:51,524 --> 00:29:53,490
(PHONE RINGING)
(GASPS)
Whoa!
553
00:29:54,159 --> 00:29:55,192
Wicked.
554
00:29:56,795 --> 00:29:57,494
STAN: Oh, okay, uh...
555
00:29:59,497 --> 00:30:00,330
Got it!
556
00:30:02,967 --> 00:30:03,867
Oh, yes!
557
00:30:06,337 --> 00:30:07,471
Thanks.
558
00:30:07,473 --> 00:30:08,839
Yeah. Oh, ah...
559
00:30:11,276 --> 00:30:12,309
You got some...
560
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:13,811
Oh, okay.
561
00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:16,513
What?
Nothing.
562
00:30:17,949 --> 00:30:19,249
Well, thank you.
Yeah.
563
00:30:19,251 --> 00:30:20,350
You are a good Samaritan.
564
00:30:23,321 --> 00:30:24,454
(GROANS)
565
00:30:24,456 --> 00:30:26,490
Is that yours?
566
00:30:27,192 --> 00:30:29,059
This?
567
00:30:29,061 --> 00:30:31,929
No, I just found it
and I thought,
it looked pretty cool.
568
00:30:31,931 --> 00:30:34,131
So, you are a musician?
569
00:30:34,133 --> 00:30:38,001
Yeah, I play the cello
and I sing.
570
00:30:38,003 --> 00:30:41,205
Cello and vocals!
I've never seen anyone
do that. That's cool.
571
00:30:41,207 --> 00:30:42,606
Well, if you come to
the Ale House tomorrow
572
00:30:42,608 --> 00:30:45,309
you could be the only
person in Austin to see it.
573
00:30:45,311 --> 00:30:46,844
I just played a show
to a bartender.
574
00:30:46,846 --> 00:30:47,845
Oh, that sucks.
575
00:30:48,479 --> 00:30:50,280
I'd love to come.
576
00:30:50,282 --> 00:30:51,348
Uh, that would be awesome.
577
00:30:52,584 --> 00:30:55,185
Yeah. I, um...
578
00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:56,587
I don't really have a car
here, so I'm a little bit...
579
00:30:56,589 --> 00:30:58,522
Oh, don't worry about it.
580
00:30:58,524 --> 00:31:01,925
If you can't make it,
totally fine,
but call me because
581
00:31:01,927 --> 00:31:03,260
I think I owe you
a thank-you drink.
582
00:31:05,296 --> 00:31:07,164
Okay, did you wanna
give me your, uh...
583
00:31:08,499 --> 00:31:09,900
213, remember?
584
00:31:11,536 --> 00:31:12,903
Oh, yeah. Yeah, 213.
585
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:17,441
(PHONE BEEPS)
586
00:31:23,948 --> 00:31:25,182
RALPH: Are you texting
your boyfriend?
587
00:31:25,917 --> 00:31:26,984
Mmm-hmm.
588
00:31:26,986 --> 00:31:27,584
Tell him it's over.
589
00:31:28,653 --> 00:31:30,187
Tell him you found
a real man.
590
00:31:30,189 --> 00:31:31,021
No, Ralphie.
591
00:31:32,423 --> 00:31:35,225
That right there,
that is a real man.
592
00:31:35,227 --> 00:31:38,662
KARA: How you're related
to him, I do not know.
593
00:31:38,664 --> 00:31:41,365
Maybe your mom forgot to
put in her diaphragm while she
was working the donkey show.
594
00:31:41,367 --> 00:31:43,000
(CACKLES)
595
00:31:44,669 --> 00:31:46,470
Yeah, ha-ha, ha-ha.
596
00:31:46,472 --> 00:31:48,338
Go get me another
drink, Eeyore.
597
00:31:48,340 --> 00:31:49,206
You got it.
598
00:31:51,209 --> 00:31:52,576
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
599
00:32:07,525 --> 00:32:08,525
Whoo!
600
00:32:09,494 --> 00:32:11,128
(LAUGHING)
601
00:32:16,334 --> 00:32:18,335
I can't believe you
know how to do that.
602
00:32:18,337 --> 00:32:19,102
Lessons for two years.
603
00:32:20,438 --> 00:32:21,972
Ready for a drink?
Oh.
604
00:32:21,974 --> 00:32:22,973
Um, sure.
Okay.
605
00:32:33,217 --> 00:32:36,720
So, um, what made you decide
to take two-stepping lessons?
606
00:32:40,058 --> 00:32:42,225
Well, not what, who.
607
00:32:43,328 --> 00:32:44,261
Who?
608
00:32:47,699 --> 00:32:49,266
Oh.
What?
609
00:32:50,735 --> 00:32:51,535
My ex-wife.
610
00:32:52,603 --> 00:32:53,670
Two Buds, please.
Oh!
611
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:57,274
Okay.
612
00:32:57,276 --> 00:32:59,109
Yeah.
613
00:32:59,111 --> 00:33:00,644
Could've used a little
record skipping sound
effect right there.
614
00:33:00,646 --> 00:33:02,612
No, no, no, no.
Not at all.
615
00:33:02,614 --> 00:33:03,680
Not at all.
616
00:33:03,682 --> 00:33:04,548
Divorce,
617
00:33:09,220 --> 00:33:10,287
In fact, let's change it.
What about you?
618
00:33:12,023 --> 00:33:13,523
Um...
619
00:33:13,525 --> 00:33:15,125
What's your favorite
color? Purple?
620
00:33:15,127 --> 00:33:18,228
Mine's... Personally,
I like tangerine.
621
00:33:18,230 --> 00:33:19,162
Look, uh...
I feel like that's my color.
622
00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:21,031
Oh, yeah.
623
00:33:23,101 --> 00:33:23,567
ANNOUNCER: Let's hear it for,
624
00:33:24,302 --> 00:33:25,535
Poke-a-Hot-Ass.
625
00:33:25,537 --> 00:33:26,670
(SHOUTING)
626
00:33:26,672 --> 00:33:28,205
(CROWD BOOING)
627
00:33:31,576 --> 00:33:32,642
Quiet.
WOMAN: Not cool.
628
00:33:34,045 --> 00:33:34,711
And now,
629
00:33:35,646 --> 00:33:37,581
Fuckasaurus Sex!
630
00:33:38,449 --> 00:33:39,316
(CROWD CHEERING)
631
00:33:44,322 --> 00:33:45,455
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Fuckasaurus Sex!
632
00:33:48,526 --> 00:33:52,062
I think we've got
ourselves a winner!
633
00:33:54,399 --> 00:33:55,465
So, sorry, honey.
634
00:33:56,334 --> 00:33:57,768
(LAUGHING)
635
00:33:57,770 --> 00:33:59,770
You're going to
the finals, man.
636
00:33:59,772 --> 00:34:01,805
How do you feel?
How do you feel?
637
00:34:01,807 --> 00:34:03,807
I feel fucking
awesome right now.
638
00:34:03,809 --> 00:34:05,108
Redge, did you get that?
639
00:34:05,110 --> 00:34:06,543
Got that shit like Spielberg.
640
00:34:08,279 --> 00:34:09,146
(SHOUTING)
641
00:34:14,285 --> 00:34:16,586
What the fuck even is this?
642
00:34:16,588 --> 00:34:18,355
RALPH: What?
Nothing.
643
00:34:18,790 --> 00:34:19,623
Let me see?
644
00:34:20,291 --> 00:34:21,525
I wanna see.
645
00:34:21,527 --> 00:34:22,526
Get off my shit.
646
00:34:22,528 --> 00:34:24,528
I wanna know.
647
00:34:24,530 --> 00:34:25,695
I wanna know all
your secrets.
648
00:34:25,697 --> 00:34:27,164
Oh, God.
649
00:34:27,166 --> 00:34:28,098
Confess them to me.
650
00:34:29,167 --> 00:34:30,567
Confess them to you?
Yeah.
651
00:34:32,203 --> 00:34:33,303
We can cry together
652
00:34:33,838 --> 00:34:35,739
in a field.
653
00:34:35,741 --> 00:34:36,373
Okay.
Like...
654
00:34:36,808 --> 00:34:37,707
Okay.
655
00:34:39,477 --> 00:34:40,377
You want to know
what turns me on?
656
00:34:42,213 --> 00:34:42,846
Yeah.
657
00:34:43,414 --> 00:34:44,648
Oh, yeah.
658
00:34:44,650 --> 00:34:46,583
Doing bad things in public.
659
00:34:47,318 --> 00:34:49,086
Yeah?
Yeah.
660
00:34:49,088 --> 00:34:49,653
Yeah?
Yeah.
661
00:34:52,390 --> 00:34:53,356
Take it out.
Okay.
662
00:34:53,358 --> 00:34:54,391
What?
663
00:34:54,393 --> 00:34:55,559
Take it out.
664
00:34:57,361 --> 00:34:58,428
I don't know.
665
00:34:58,430 --> 00:34:59,262
Mmm-hmm.
666
00:35:03,634 --> 00:35:06,403
But all these
people can see.
667
00:35:06,405 --> 00:35:08,138
I know. It's what
gets me so wet.
668
00:35:10,575 --> 00:35:11,475
I don't know.
669
00:35:12,710 --> 00:35:14,678
Come on, Ralphie,
show it to me.
670
00:35:17,615 --> 00:35:20,283
Can I get it
erect first?
671
00:35:20,285 --> 00:35:21,118
Do you wanna have
sex tonight or what?
672
00:35:24,755 --> 00:35:25,489
(PULLING ZIPPER)
673
00:35:27,725 --> 00:35:28,658
Oh!
674
00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:32,295
Hey! No, hey!
675
00:35:32,297 --> 00:35:33,497
Hey!
Whoa. Thanks.
676
00:35:38,369 --> 00:35:40,504
That's right! Man of the hour,
ladies and gentlemen.
677
00:35:40,506 --> 00:35:42,506
Stan!
678
00:35:42,508 --> 00:35:44,474
Stan, Stan, Stan.
What are you doing here?
679
00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:46,543
I thought you'd be balls
deep in Cathy by now.
680
00:35:46,545 --> 00:35:47,811
Yeah, that's not
gonna happen.
681
00:35:47,813 --> 00:35:50,447
No, it's not gonna
happen, is it, Stan?
682
00:35:50,449 --> 00:35:52,249
Although it is a shame that
you flew all the way to Texas
683
00:35:52,251 --> 00:35:53,850
to stalk a girl who doesn't
even wanna be stalked.
684
00:35:53,852 --> 00:35:55,552
I didn't come here
to stalk her.
685
00:35:55,554 --> 00:35:57,487
No? You came here to see me.
That's amazing, Stan.
686
00:35:57,489 --> 00:35:58,922
That's awesome. Hi!
687
00:35:58,924 --> 00:36:00,357
Hold this, please.
688
00:36:00,359 --> 00:36:02,392
Hello, ladies.
689
00:36:02,394 --> 00:36:04,661
How you doing?
690
00:36:04,663 --> 00:36:07,631
Hey, I just wanna say
I thought that you did
absolutely incredible.
691
00:36:07,633 --> 00:36:09,399
Whatever, Dinocock.
Fuck off.
692
00:36:09,401 --> 00:36:10,567
Uh. I am not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
693
00:36:11,869 --> 00:36:13,937
I'm just on our
way out, so...
694
00:36:13,939 --> 00:36:18,909
Oh, well, if we would
have had your candy-ass
cheerleaders
695
00:36:18,911 --> 00:36:20,510
on our side then
maybe we would have.
696
00:36:20,512 --> 00:36:21,878
Okay, can I speak with
you for a second?
697
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:23,480
No, no.
698
00:36:23,482 --> 00:36:25,382
Um, yeah.
No, no.
699
00:36:25,384 --> 00:36:26,716
Okay.
Seriously?
700
00:36:26,718 --> 00:36:28,251
Hey, nice to meet you.
701
00:36:28,253 --> 00:36:29,519
Nice to meet you.
702
00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:30,687
Yeah, you, too.
Yeah. Okay.
703
00:36:33,558 --> 00:36:34,324
How do you do it?
704
00:36:35,893 --> 00:36:37,227
What?
How do you do the splits?
705
00:36:38,629 --> 00:36:40,697
Oh! Um...
706
00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:42,199
Drill team.
Drill team?
707
00:36:42,201 --> 00:36:43,800
Yeah.
Okay.
708
00:36:43,802 --> 00:36:45,435
Can you, um...
Can you teach me?
709
00:36:45,970 --> 00:36:46,870
What?
710
00:36:48,272 --> 00:36:49,539
Those teabags are
looking at us.
711
00:36:56,714 --> 00:36:57,647
Oh!
712
00:36:58,549 --> 00:36:59,683
It's on, bro.
713
00:36:59,685 --> 00:37:00,483
Oh, hell yeah,
it's on, bro.
714
00:37:02,987 --> 00:37:03,954
Is there something
on my face?
715
00:37:03,956 --> 00:37:05,455
No.
716
00:37:05,457 --> 00:37:06,790
It's just beautiful.
717
00:37:08,759 --> 00:37:09,659
Oh!
718
00:37:12,296 --> 00:37:14,397
We don't need
you all to be doing
no pornos in here.
719
00:37:14,399 --> 00:37:16,266
We are so sorry.
720
00:37:16,268 --> 00:37:18,435
He might have had
a few too many
drinks this evening.
721
00:37:18,437 --> 00:37:20,737
This is a family place.
722
00:37:20,739 --> 00:37:21,905
We completely understand.
723
00:37:26,344 --> 00:37:27,811
Nicely done, guys.
724
00:37:27,813 --> 00:37:30,447
Oh, God. What?
Are you serious?
Perfect.
725
00:37:30,449 --> 00:37:31,748
Deal's a deal.
726
00:37:31,750 --> 00:37:33,717
Of course, I'm serious.
You know, I'm...
727
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:35,385
Come on, Timmy, you're
not the boss of me.
728
00:37:35,387 --> 00:37:36,786
Leave the girl alone.
729
00:37:36,788 --> 00:37:38,288
All right, all right.
Let's go home.
730
00:37:38,290 --> 00:37:39,356
All right. Whatever.
All right?
731
00:37:39,790 --> 00:37:41,858
Yes.
732
00:37:41,860 --> 00:37:43,560
No, no.
No, she said yes. Dude!
733
00:37:43,562 --> 00:37:45,562
All right, out the door.
734
00:37:45,564 --> 00:37:47,530
Ladies, we'll be outside.
This is...
735
00:37:47,532 --> 00:37:48,732
Just let me go.
I know.
736
00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:54,838
Are you...
That little weirdo's dick
is fucking enormous.
737
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:56,640
I don't care if it's
six feet long.
738
00:37:56,642 --> 00:37:58,008
You're just gonna
leave me here?
739
00:37:58,010 --> 00:38:01,311
I'm leaving you with
the "Midnight Cowboy".
740
00:38:01,313 --> 00:38:03,947
And I am taking
one for the team.
741
00:38:04,982 --> 00:38:06,683
This isn't college anymore.
742
00:38:07,518 --> 00:38:08,752
Pretend.
743
00:38:09,687 --> 00:38:11,688
You are getting horny.
744
00:38:12,523 --> 00:38:14,457
Very horny.
745
00:38:15,426 --> 00:38:16,926
Have fun.
746
00:38:16,928 --> 00:38:17,961
I will if you will.
747
00:38:19,997 --> 00:38:21,598
Cool, bro.
All right, let him go.
748
00:38:23,434 --> 00:38:24,634
Ah!
749
00:38:24,636 --> 00:38:25,935
Hey.
750
00:38:25,937 --> 00:38:29,306
Oh, God. Oh, my...
751
00:38:29,308 --> 00:38:30,740
Bye, Katie.
I did this for you.
752
00:38:30,742 --> 00:38:31,741
It's Cathy.
753
00:38:34,945 --> 00:38:35,779
Where are they?
754
00:38:37,615 --> 00:38:39,482
I don't see 'em
and they were
following us, right?
755
00:38:39,484 --> 00:38:40,617
Jeff, they were
following us, yeah?
756
00:38:40,619 --> 00:38:41,418
They will be here.
757
00:38:45,489 --> 00:38:47,324
Stan?
Hmm?
758
00:38:47,326 --> 00:38:48,491
What are you doing?
759
00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:49,659
Nothing.
760
00:38:49,661 --> 00:38:51,594
(WHINING)
761
00:38:51,596 --> 00:38:53,496
My name is Stan.
I made a mistake
and I want you back.
762
00:38:55,766 --> 00:38:57,767
That was an excellent
impersonation of me.
763
00:38:57,769 --> 00:38:59,669
That was... It was like
looking in a mirror.
764
00:39:00,104 --> 00:39:01,838
Here they come.
765
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,740
Here they come.
Yes.
766
00:39:03,742 --> 00:39:04,641
It's all right.
Bring it on, ladies.
Bring it in.
767
00:39:05,543 --> 00:39:07,777
REDGE: Come on, right here.
768
00:39:07,779 --> 00:39:09,346
Maybe I wasn't even thinking
about her just now, dude.
769
00:39:09,348 --> 00:39:11,348
Maybe I was thinking
about another girl.
770
00:39:11,350 --> 00:39:13,049
Like, maybe a girl
I met tonight.
771
00:39:14,552 --> 00:39:15,518
I don't know, maybe she
gave me her number.
772
00:39:17,054 --> 00:39:17,787
Why are you just telling
me this just now?
773
00:39:18,989 --> 00:39:20,757
Well, suddenly
you're interested.
774
00:39:20,759 --> 00:39:22,058
Did you tell her that she
had shit on her face?
775
00:39:22,060 --> 00:39:23,893
No, she did
that to me.
776
00:39:23,895 --> 00:39:26,096
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
777
00:39:26,098 --> 00:39:27,697
What are you doing here with
your dick in your pants?
778
00:39:27,699 --> 00:39:28,898
You should have your dick
in her mouth, buddy.
779
00:39:28,900 --> 00:39:30,066
Come on, this is good.
780
00:39:30,068 --> 00:39:31,501
This is good.
781
00:39:31,503 --> 00:39:32,502
I love this.
782
00:39:32,504 --> 00:39:34,137
Very good.
783
00:39:34,139 --> 00:39:37,507
I will take you...
Oh, yes. I will take you.
784
00:39:37,509 --> 00:39:39,442
You wanna do that?
Okay, let's do...
785
00:39:39,444 --> 00:39:40,577
Mule train?
No, I'm all right.
786
00:39:40,579 --> 00:39:41,778
Okay, okay. Well...
No thanks.
787
00:39:41,780 --> 00:39:43,079
(ALL CHATTERING)
788
00:39:46,984 --> 00:39:49,452
Okay.
789
00:39:49,820 --> 00:39:52,021
So, Stan,
790
00:39:52,023 --> 00:39:55,091
there are four guys and
three girls and you have a
phone number in your pocket.
791
00:39:55,093 --> 00:39:57,127
I think you need to
make a phone call.
792
00:39:57,129 --> 00:39:58,595
Now...
You got a short window, buddy,
you need to lay some track.
793
00:39:59,630 --> 00:40:00,430
I don't...
794
00:40:01,832 --> 00:40:03,066
Hello.
Ooh!
795
00:40:09,140 --> 00:40:12,041
I don't... I think
I'm just gonna text,
dude, right?
796
00:40:12,043 --> 00:40:13,877
Probably texting
is better at this
stage 'cause,
797
00:40:15,012 --> 00:40:15,845
you know...
798
00:40:17,715 --> 00:40:18,715
Oh, I wish I had her email.
799
00:40:22,720 --> 00:40:23,520
(PHONE BEEPS)
800
00:41:13,003 --> 00:41:13,770
(PHONE BEEPS)
801
00:41:26,517 --> 00:41:27,116
(PHONE BEEPS)
802
00:41:42,132 --> 00:41:42,932
(PHONE BEEPS)
803
00:42:23,674 --> 00:42:25,108
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)
804
00:42:25,110 --> 00:42:27,143
Ooh, I'm sorry.
That's been broken
for a while.
805
00:42:27,145 --> 00:42:29,012
Oh, yeah.
806
00:42:29,014 --> 00:42:30,280
There's a 7-Eleven
I could walk you to
to finish your business.
807
00:42:32,082 --> 00:42:32,982
Come here.
808
00:42:34,852 --> 00:42:36,719
I think that something
is moving in there.
809
00:42:36,721 --> 00:42:38,154
You should see
the bathroom,
totally gross.
810
00:42:39,189 --> 00:42:39,989
What's she doing?
811
00:42:40,791 --> 00:42:42,091
Ground. So that's it.
812
00:42:42,093 --> 00:42:42,992
ALL: Whoa!
813
00:42:46,030 --> 00:42:47,630
Whoa!
814
00:42:47,632 --> 00:42:48,331
Dude, you can do it.
815
00:42:48,333 --> 00:42:49,699
Absolutely.
816
00:42:49,701 --> 00:42:52,602
(ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE)
817
00:42:52,604 --> 00:42:53,636
All right.
Just need to breathe.
818
00:42:53,638 --> 00:42:55,004
It does not look that hard.
819
00:42:55,006 --> 00:42:56,706
Breathing, that's not
gonna be an issue
820
00:42:56,708 --> 00:42:57,907
I've been breathing
since I was born.
821
00:42:57,909 --> 00:42:59,842
Look. Already half way.
822
00:42:59,844 --> 00:43:00,977
Half way to finals.
823
00:43:00,979 --> 00:43:01,878
(SCREAMING)
824
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:03,112
No!
825
00:43:03,114 --> 00:43:03,880
(PHONE BEEPS)
826
00:43:04,949 --> 00:43:06,649
That's final, right there.
827
00:43:06,651 --> 00:43:08,017
That was incredible.
828
00:43:08,752 --> 00:43:09,652
(SCREAMS)
829
00:43:10,087 --> 00:43:11,154
What?
830
00:43:11,156 --> 00:43:12,088
What is that?
831
00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:14,324
(LAUGHS)
832
00:43:14,326 --> 00:43:16,125
My God, that's
a hairy python.
833
00:43:16,127 --> 00:43:17,827
No, that's not a python.
That's a dick.
834
00:43:27,204 --> 00:43:28,071
(LAUGHS)
835
00:43:28,672 --> 00:43:30,640
Oh, thank God.
836
00:43:32,776 --> 00:43:33,343
(PHONE BEEPS)
837
00:43:50,194 --> 00:43:50,960
So, this is you.
838
00:43:52,262 --> 00:43:53,663
Yeah, this is...
This is me.
839
00:43:55,366 --> 00:43:56,199
Good night.
840
00:43:57,868 --> 00:43:59,202
Yes.
Yes.
841
00:44:00,337 --> 00:44:01,804
Good night.
Yes.
842
00:44:02,940 --> 00:44:03,873
Okay.
843
00:44:07,111 --> 00:44:07,910
All right.
844
00:44:11,281 --> 00:44:13,950
Okay, we're gonna do
that one more time.
Yes.
845
00:44:13,952 --> 00:44:15,952
Let me go ahead
and give you my card.
846
00:44:15,954 --> 00:44:17,754
Cool.
Give me a phone
call, anytime.
847
00:44:20,758 --> 00:44:22,258
You're a veterinarian?
848
00:44:22,260 --> 00:44:25,762
I am a doctor
of small animals.
849
00:44:25,764 --> 00:44:26,262
Don't I look like one?
850
00:44:27,398 --> 00:44:29,232
Oh, you absolutely do.
851
00:44:29,234 --> 00:44:31,067
Yeah. Like, even
from that angle?
852
00:44:31,069 --> 00:44:32,669
Oh, especially
from that angle.
853
00:44:32,671 --> 00:44:34,103
(STAMMERING)
854
00:44:34,105 --> 00:44:36,406
I'm a... I'm
in med school.
855
00:44:36,408 --> 00:44:38,975
No kidding.
That's funny.
Yeah.
856
00:44:38,977 --> 00:44:40,309
What made you
become a vet?
That's funny.
857
00:44:40,311 --> 00:44:43,046
I worked with dogs
in the Marines.
858
00:44:43,048 --> 00:44:45,281
Yeah. Bomb sniffing
dogs, just kinda...
859
00:44:45,283 --> 00:44:46,449
Just like fell
into it.
860
00:44:46,451 --> 00:44:49,819
You were in
the Marines?
861
00:44:49,821 --> 00:44:51,921
Yeah, yeah. But the
dogs started making
better conversations
862
00:44:51,923 --> 00:44:54,090
than some of those
jarheads I was
working with.
863
00:44:54,092 --> 00:44:55,992
Right.
So I had to get out of
there as fast as I could.
864
00:44:55,994 --> 00:44:58,061
So, that makes
you like a...
865
00:44:59,196 --> 00:45:00,730
A vet vet.
866
00:45:01,999 --> 00:45:02,865
Yes.
867
00:45:03,734 --> 00:45:04,367
Yes, it does.
868
00:45:06,170 --> 00:45:07,704
Wow.
869
00:45:07,706 --> 00:45:08,304
I had fun tonight.
870
00:45:09,473 --> 00:45:10,306
Yeah, I did, too.
871
00:45:14,878 --> 00:45:15,378
Well, let's
do it again.
872
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,347
Thank you for the dance.
873
00:45:19,049 --> 00:45:19,916
Thank you
874
00:45:20,884 --> 00:45:23,820
for the dance.
875
00:45:23,822 --> 00:45:24,854
REDGE: Oh, come on,
I don't hear anything.
876
00:45:24,856 --> 00:45:26,856
Hey, guys.
How's it going?
877
00:45:26,858 --> 00:45:28,124
You guys hear anything
in there, I don't think
they're fucking.
878
00:45:28,126 --> 00:45:29,292
Oh, hey, dude.
879
00:45:29,294 --> 00:45:31,294
Hey, they're not fucking.
880
00:45:31,296 --> 00:45:33,963
I didn't give up my room
for you guys not to fuck.
881
00:45:33,965 --> 00:45:34,964
Let's go.
It's just really gross here.
882
00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:37,934
It's like so gross.
883
00:45:37,936 --> 00:45:39,202
I can't get the keys
because she's got them
in there with that creep.
884
00:45:39,204 --> 00:45:40,737
Hey, I got brews here
if you wanna...
885
00:45:40,739 --> 00:45:42,371
No, I'm all right.
No, no, you have them.
886
00:45:47,177 --> 00:45:48,745
(MUMBLES)
887
00:45:48,747 --> 00:45:49,445
What is it?
888
00:45:55,419 --> 00:45:56,252
Is it real?
889
00:45:57,321 --> 00:45:59,155
Is it from the internet?
890
00:45:59,157 --> 00:46:01,057
I mean, have you seen
a penis this big before?
891
00:46:01,059 --> 00:46:02,158
Could you put
that away, please?
892
00:46:04,027 --> 00:46:05,194
JOE: Whoa!
893
00:46:05,196 --> 00:46:07,096
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
894
00:46:07,098 --> 00:46:09,031
If you don't get out
of the bedroom right now,
we're leaving!
895
00:46:10,367 --> 00:46:12,869
Hey, um...
896
00:46:12,871 --> 00:46:15,037
Can I take you to
breakfast in the morning?
What?
897
00:46:15,039 --> 00:46:16,472
No, I wanna take you
to my Saturday place.
Please, please, please.
898
00:46:16,474 --> 00:46:21,310
I love talking to you so
much so I just want to keep
this conversation going on.
899
00:46:21,312 --> 00:46:22,945
Uh.
Please?
900
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:23,980
I'll think about it.
Okay.
901
00:46:23,982 --> 00:46:26,516
Do you like migas?
902
00:46:26,518 --> 00:46:27,483
Hey, beautiful, don't
knock so hard.
Fuck off.
903
00:46:27,485 --> 00:46:29,051
It was... So sorry.
904
00:46:29,053 --> 00:46:30,853
Yeah. Oh, yeah,
I bet you're sorry.
905
00:46:30,855 --> 00:46:33,022
I wanna get the fuck
out of here.
906
00:46:33,024 --> 00:46:34,423
Hey, honey,
I think I see
something on your face
907
00:46:34,425 --> 00:46:35,424
Don't touch me!
908
00:46:37,361 --> 00:46:38,361
What the fuck
just happened?
909
00:46:40,564 --> 00:46:42,231
I thought I got her wet...
910
00:46:42,233 --> 00:46:44,133
I think she loved you.
I was clear on that.
911
00:46:44,135 --> 00:46:44,834
Yeah, that was well played.
912
00:46:50,007 --> 00:46:52,208
Yeah?
913
00:46:52,210 --> 00:46:54,544
Captain fucker, you were only
in there for seven minutes.
914
00:46:54,546 --> 00:46:56,112
You're a badass.
915
00:47:25,542 --> 00:47:26,409
(PHONE BEEPS)
916
00:47:30,914 --> 00:47:32,114
Fuck!
917
00:47:35,552 --> 00:47:36,552
Where are you going?
918
00:47:38,288 --> 00:47:39,856
El Azteca.
919
00:47:39,858 --> 00:47:41,157
El Azteca?
920
00:47:42,192 --> 00:47:43,125
You wanna wait
for me, man?
921
00:47:48,265 --> 00:47:50,333
Mmm.
This is so good.
922
00:47:50,335 --> 00:47:52,034
You cannot find migas
like this in New York.
923
00:47:52,436 --> 00:47:53,302
Ugh!
924
00:47:54,571 --> 00:47:55,438
Why did you let
me drink so much?
925
00:47:58,976 --> 00:48:00,576
So, what happened
with Ralphie?
926
00:48:01,645 --> 00:48:02,545
We tried.
927
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:04,146
I threw up.
928
00:48:04,915 --> 00:48:05,948
All over his face.
929
00:48:07,618 --> 00:48:09,085
Oh, God, Kara.
930
00:48:09,087 --> 00:48:10,353
And he actually wanted
to keep going.
931
00:48:11,221 --> 00:48:12,088
Can you believe that?
932
00:48:13,390 --> 00:48:16,492
Puke all over his
face and he's like,
933
00:48:16,494 --> 00:48:16,993
(IN A DEEP VOICE)
"I don't mind."
934
00:48:19,897 --> 00:48:21,364
You always get
the normal ones.
935
00:48:34,678 --> 00:48:35,511
Okay.
936
00:48:36,380 --> 00:48:38,247
You ready?
937
00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:39,482
For breakfast?
Yeah, I'm ready.
Yeah.
938
00:48:42,019 --> 00:48:43,286
Okay, yeah. Out.
939
00:48:45,055 --> 00:48:46,088
My door doesn't open. Out.
Okay.
940
00:48:46,090 --> 00:48:47,023
Okay.
941
00:48:49,026 --> 00:48:51,360
Speaking of which,
did you guys do it?
942
00:48:52,229 --> 00:48:53,562
No.
943
00:48:53,564 --> 00:48:55,097
Why not?
Because I'm not...
944
00:48:56,433 --> 00:48:57,266
Like me?
945
00:48:59,069 --> 00:48:59,702
I didn't say that.
946
00:49:02,339 --> 00:49:04,640
Yeah, it's okay.
If it wasn't for sluts no
one would get laid, right?
947
00:49:04,642 --> 00:49:05,474
(DOOR OPENS)
948
00:49:07,945 --> 00:49:08,978
Oh, no.
949
00:49:11,648 --> 00:49:12,481
CATHY: Oh, no.
950
00:49:14,485 --> 00:49:18,955
I want you to be the better
person in this situation.
Don't touch my face.
951
00:49:18,957 --> 00:49:20,156
No. What...
What situation?
952
00:49:20,158 --> 00:49:20,990
He's here.
953
00:49:22,392 --> 00:49:23,125
He just came
through the door.
954
00:49:24,261 --> 00:49:25,294
Oh, shit.
955
00:49:26,430 --> 00:49:27,396
Oh, shit.
Be strong.
956
00:49:28,165 --> 00:49:28,731
Is he alone?
957
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:31,567
Um...
958
00:49:31,569 --> 00:49:33,736
I'm gonna go say hi to
a friend over there.
Okay.
959
00:49:33,738 --> 00:49:38,107
And I will be right back.
960
00:49:38,109 --> 00:49:40,509
If I turn around and he
is with some whore...
Just be strong, Kara.
961
00:49:40,511 --> 00:49:43,279
I swear I'll burn this
fucking place to the ground.
CATHY: Okay, breathe.
962
00:49:43,281 --> 00:49:44,080
Breathe.
963
00:49:45,315 --> 00:49:46,482
He's coming over.
964
00:49:46,484 --> 00:49:48,150
Hey!
Take the knives.
965
00:49:48,152 --> 00:49:49,485
Put them in your purse.
966
00:49:49,487 --> 00:49:51,020
Oh, my God!
967
00:49:51,022 --> 00:49:53,122
Hey!
Whoa!
968
00:49:53,124 --> 00:49:54,724
Jeff!
Crazy!
969
00:49:55,726 --> 00:49:56,692
So good to see you.
970
00:49:59,262 --> 00:50:00,062
Hello, Kara.
971
00:50:01,264 --> 00:50:03,499
Oh, well.
972
00:50:03,501 --> 00:50:05,534
Hey there.
What a surprise.
973
00:50:05,536 --> 00:50:07,069
Yeah!
974
00:50:07,071 --> 00:50:07,703
How are you?
So good.
975
00:50:08,338 --> 00:50:09,672
I'm so good.
976
00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:10,606
Yeah, how you doing?
977
00:50:11,742 --> 00:50:13,609
I'm never been better.
978
00:50:13,611 --> 00:50:15,144
Yeah.
979
00:50:15,146 --> 00:50:17,279
'Cause you look so good.
980
00:50:17,281 --> 00:50:19,582
Thank you. So do you.
981
00:50:19,584 --> 00:50:20,449
Thank you.
982
00:50:22,119 --> 00:50:23,686
Especially in that
video last night.
983
00:50:23,688 --> 00:50:26,055
Oh!
Yeah, very impressive.
984
00:50:26,057 --> 00:50:27,456
Yes. Well, I'm going
to the finals.
985
00:50:28,058 --> 00:50:29,392
Oh!
Wow!
986
00:50:29,394 --> 00:50:31,293
I know.
Congratulations.
987
00:50:31,295 --> 00:50:33,062
And I see you've
taken up photography.
988
00:50:33,064 --> 00:50:34,230
That's great.
989
00:50:34,232 --> 00:50:35,464
Mmm-hmm. Yeah, sure have.
990
00:50:37,067 --> 00:50:39,235
What did you think?
991
00:50:39,237 --> 00:50:41,537
I loved it. Great composition,
just really good
lighting all around.
992
00:50:41,539 --> 00:50:43,572
It was really nice work.
993
00:50:43,574 --> 00:50:45,708
Although I notice he's not
here to buy you breakfast.
994
00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:46,675
That's not too classy.
995
00:50:47,744 --> 00:50:49,512
No, no.
996
00:50:49,514 --> 00:50:51,614
But I think it's really classy
that you've bought breakfast
997
00:50:51,616 --> 00:50:53,516
for the little she-whore that
you slept with last night.
998
00:50:53,518 --> 00:50:54,383
JEFF: Yeah.
999
00:50:56,053 --> 00:50:57,820
She's the best.
1000
00:50:57,822 --> 00:50:59,221
Yeah. You know,
she looks really familiar.
1001
00:51:02,492 --> 00:51:03,559
She really looks like
someone that I know.
1002
00:51:04,494 --> 00:51:05,528
Yes.
1003
00:51:05,530 --> 00:51:06,796
Oh!
1004
00:51:06,798 --> 00:51:08,297
I know who. Me!
1005
00:51:09,433 --> 00:51:11,801
(ALL LAUGHING)
1006
00:51:11,803 --> 00:51:12,635
Oh, okay.
1007
00:51:13,804 --> 00:51:15,204
JEFF: You're right.
1008
00:51:15,206 --> 00:51:16,105
I mean, it's...
1009
00:51:17,474 --> 00:51:20,376
It's really kinda true.
I'm sorry.
1010
00:51:22,112 --> 00:51:23,245
Kinda pathetic, Jeff.
1011
00:51:24,281 --> 00:51:26,182
Kind of Vertigo.
1012
00:51:26,184 --> 00:51:27,383
You gonna dress her
up in my clothes, too?
1013
00:51:28,251 --> 00:51:28,784
No, I would never do that.
1014
00:51:30,353 --> 00:51:31,187
I don't even
like your clothes.
1015
00:51:32,122 --> 00:51:33,789
So...
1016
00:51:33,791 --> 00:51:34,790
Well, we know my guy
didn't look like you.
1017
00:51:36,460 --> 00:51:38,227
At least not downstairs.
1018
00:51:40,564 --> 00:51:41,297
You guys have
a good breakfast.
1019
00:51:44,101 --> 00:51:44,667
That was so good.
1020
00:51:45,769 --> 00:51:47,169
I'm so proud of you.
1021
00:51:48,638 --> 00:51:49,772
Oh, fuck.
What?
1022
00:51:51,141 --> 00:51:52,374
Ow!
1023
00:51:52,376 --> 00:51:53,776
God, she even
looks like me.
1024
00:51:53,778 --> 00:51:54,710
No, she really doesn't.
1025
00:51:55,812 --> 00:51:57,446
Oh, I see.
1026
00:51:57,448 --> 00:52:00,149
Hey, don't go in there.
Hey, really don't
go inside, please.
1027
00:52:04,121 --> 00:52:06,489
(MOUTHING) I will kill you!
1028
00:52:06,491 --> 00:52:07,890
Do you understand?
Oh, my God.
1029
00:52:07,892 --> 00:52:08,824
KARA: I will fuck you up.
1030
00:52:14,531 --> 00:52:16,432
He's gone. He's gone.
1031
00:52:16,434 --> 00:52:17,466
He's gone.
He's gone.
1032
00:52:19,269 --> 00:52:21,137
Oh, you got a...
1033
00:52:21,139 --> 00:52:21,837
(EXCLAIMS)
You got a chip.
1034
00:52:34,784 --> 00:52:35,551
(SNIFFLING)
1035
00:52:41,358 --> 00:52:41,857
Take your phone out.
1036
00:52:42,759 --> 00:52:44,560
What?
1037
00:52:44,562 --> 00:52:45,327
Take your phone out.
Take your phone out.
Why?
1038
00:52:49,633 --> 00:52:50,533
Okay.
1039
00:52:52,202 --> 00:52:53,502
(SIGHS)
1040
00:52:53,504 --> 00:52:54,537
Pull up Cathy's number.
1041
00:53:00,544 --> 00:53:01,343
Got it?
1042
00:53:02,946 --> 00:53:03,879
Yeah.
1043
00:53:06,283 --> 00:53:06,815
Delete on three.
1044
00:53:08,251 --> 00:53:08,951
One.
1045
00:53:09,819 --> 00:53:10,753
Two.
1046
00:53:11,655 --> 00:53:12,555
Three.
1047
00:53:24,267 --> 00:53:24,800
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
1048
00:53:30,774 --> 00:53:31,540
You know what, that...
1049
00:53:32,809 --> 00:53:34,243
I think that actually
feels good.
1050
00:53:43,853 --> 00:53:44,720
You okay?
1051
00:53:52,229 --> 00:53:53,829
She drinks my cum, man.
1052
00:53:57,467 --> 00:53:58,400
She actually likes it.
1053
00:54:05,775 --> 00:54:08,310
Where am I gonna
find somebody who's
that cool ever again?
1054
00:54:11,848 --> 00:54:12,715
It's...
1055
00:54:15,952 --> 00:54:16,952
No. Yeah, that's
really cool of her.
1056
00:54:18,822 --> 00:54:20,256
(ENGINE STARTS)
1057
00:54:20,258 --> 00:54:21,757
Yep. Okay. We're moving on.
1058
00:54:21,759 --> 00:54:23,826
We're moving on up,
like the mother-fucking
1059
00:54:24,494 --> 00:54:25,394
Jeffersons.
1060
00:54:28,465 --> 00:54:29,798
Okay, men.
1061
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:30,899
REDGE: Yeah, let's
get fucked up.
1062
00:54:30,901 --> 00:54:33,402
We are not leaving
this apartment
1063
00:54:33,404 --> 00:54:36,505
till we come up with
an air sex routine
that is so depraved
1064
00:54:36,507 --> 00:54:39,341
and so sick that we will
be ashamed to look our
own mothers in the eye
1065
00:54:39,343 --> 00:54:42,278
for another year.
1066
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:44,546
TIM: (ON PHONE) Maybe this
is a coincidence, but I was
just sitting here thinking,
1067
00:54:44,548 --> 00:54:45,714
"What am I gonna do
for dinner tonight?"
1068
00:54:48,485 --> 00:54:50,686
That sounds like
fate to me.
1069
00:54:50,688 --> 00:54:54,056
Well, I was probably
just gonna microwave
this gas station burrito.
1070
00:54:54,058 --> 00:54:56,692
Setting the timer now,
but I'm thinking between
the two of us,
1071
00:54:56,694 --> 00:54:58,060
we could come up with
something better
than that, right?
1072
00:54:58,062 --> 00:55:00,462
Right.
I'll come by around
eight, okay?
1073
00:55:00,464 --> 00:55:01,463
Okay, bye.
1074
00:55:02,999 --> 00:55:04,533
Oh, my God.
1075
00:55:04,535 --> 00:55:06,335
Oh, that voice.
1076
00:55:06,337 --> 00:55:07,703
I may have to wring
out my panties.
1077
00:55:07,705 --> 00:55:09,905
Kara, what am I doing?
1078
00:55:09,907 --> 00:55:12,041
What do you mean?
You're moving on up,
1079
00:55:12,043 --> 00:55:13,876
like the mother-fucking
Jeffersons.
1080
00:55:13,878 --> 00:55:17,546
Okay, guys, you know what
we're gonna do tonight?
1081
00:55:17,548 --> 00:55:19,481
What we're gonna do is
we're gonna break free.
1082
00:55:19,483 --> 00:55:22,017
We're gonna break free
from their petty needling.
1083
00:55:22,019 --> 00:55:24,853
We're gonna break free
from their impossibly
high expectations,
1084
00:55:24,855 --> 00:55:26,789
and their fucking harassment
1085
00:55:26,791 --> 00:55:28,590
about what lamp is
gonna look better
in that corner.
1086
00:55:28,592 --> 00:55:30,392
Fuck that corner.
1087
00:55:30,394 --> 00:55:32,661
Fuck that corner.
Guys, I really need
you on my team
1088
00:55:32,663 --> 00:55:34,096
and I feel great
about tonight.
Can we do this together?
1089
00:55:34,098 --> 00:55:34,797
REDGE: Yeah.
JOE: Yeah.
1090
00:55:38,335 --> 00:55:38,801
Stan, am I bothering you?
Nope.
1091
00:55:41,371 --> 00:55:42,838
Who are you texting?
Nobody.
1092
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:44,039
Hey!
Is it someone with a vagina?
1093
00:55:44,041 --> 00:55:44,807
Nope. Let's do this.
1094
00:55:45,575 --> 00:55:47,810
Let's fuck the air.
1095
00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:49,845
Yeah, you must fuck the air.
1096
00:55:49,847 --> 00:55:51,647
ALL: You must fuck the air!
1097
00:55:51,649 --> 00:55:52,815
ALL: You must fuck the air!
1098
00:55:54,484 --> 00:55:56,685
You are a miracle worker.
1099
00:55:56,687 --> 00:55:58,053
Mmm-hmm.
I've got boobs.
1100
00:56:00,690 --> 00:56:02,691
Normally, it's just like two
1101
00:56:02,693 --> 00:56:03,992
sensitive freckles.
1102
00:56:05,495 --> 00:56:06,428
(BELL RINGS)
Ooh! I'll get it.
1103
00:56:06,430 --> 00:56:07,529
Help! Help!
Oh, what?
1104
00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:10,532
Now, listen, okay.
1105
00:56:10,534 --> 00:56:12,034
Be careful.
Careful?
1106
00:56:12,036 --> 00:56:14,403
Yeah, if his dick is as
big as his brother's,
1107
00:56:14,405 --> 00:56:15,838
you will be coming home
in a hospital gurney.
1108
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:17,473
Oh, that sounds fun.
1109
00:56:17,475 --> 00:56:20,576
Okay, I put condoms
in your bag.
Kara!
1110
00:56:20,578 --> 00:56:22,544
What? Don't be
afraid to say yes.
1111
00:56:22,546 --> 00:56:24,480
No, no. I'm going
home tomorrow.
1112
00:56:24,482 --> 00:56:26,415
I can't leave you
alone tonight.
1113
00:56:26,417 --> 00:56:26,982
Who says I'm gonna be alone?
1114
00:56:28,017 --> 00:56:30,052
Not Ralphie?
1115
00:56:30,054 --> 00:56:32,054
KARA: No, barf-boy,
are you fucking kidding me?
1116
00:56:32,056 --> 00:56:34,757
Hello. Welcome.
TIM: Hello. Thank you.
1117
00:56:34,759 --> 00:56:37,726
Come in. Come in. O-M-G.
1118
00:56:37,728 --> 00:56:40,863
Hi. How you doing?
He brought flowers.
Are you from this century?
1119
00:56:40,865 --> 00:56:42,831
You totally didn't
need to do this.
1120
00:56:44,101 --> 00:56:47,870
See, I did bring flowers,
but they're not for you,
they're for you.
1121
00:56:47,872 --> 00:56:49,438
I'm sorry. I would have got
you flowers, but I didn't.
1122
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:50,038
Oh, um...
1123
00:56:50,974 --> 00:56:52,141
(CATHY LAUGHS)
1124
00:56:53,943 --> 00:56:55,778
It's not funny.
No, it is.
1125
00:56:55,780 --> 00:56:58,147
Yeah. He had a moment
the other night,
1126
00:56:58,149 --> 00:56:59,148
but he's a real sweet guy.
What?
1127
00:56:59,682 --> 00:57:00,983
Right.
1128
00:57:00,985 --> 00:57:02,050
Okay!
Bye.
1129
00:57:02,052 --> 00:57:03,619
Bye-bye.
1130
00:57:03,621 --> 00:57:04,520
All right. All right.
You ready to go?
1131
00:57:04,522 --> 00:57:05,754
Bye, Kara.
1132
00:57:05,756 --> 00:57:06,855
Be safe.
1133
00:57:08,892 --> 00:57:09,792
Yes. Yes.
We will. We will.
1134
00:57:10,794 --> 00:57:11,460
Good night.
Goodbye.
1135
00:57:14,130 --> 00:57:15,063
Ugh!
1136
00:57:19,169 --> 00:57:20,569
So, the Marines...
1137
00:57:20,571 --> 00:57:22,104
That's...
1138
00:57:22,106 --> 00:57:22,805
Yeah.
Yeah.
1139
00:57:27,143 --> 00:57:28,444
So, um...
1140
00:57:29,512 --> 00:57:30,946
Did you ever...
1141
00:57:30,948 --> 00:57:33,215
Go to war, shoot
someone, get stabbed?
1142
00:57:33,217 --> 00:57:35,217
Oh, does everybody
ask you that?
1143
00:57:35,219 --> 00:57:36,452
All the time. Yeah.
1144
00:57:36,454 --> 00:57:37,486
So sorry.
1145
00:57:38,455 --> 00:57:39,154
You should be.
1146
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:44,760
So, did you?
1147
00:57:44,762 --> 00:57:45,661
You didn't notice
my wooden leg?
1148
00:57:49,165 --> 00:57:50,899
No, I took some shrapnel
1149
00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:54,636
to the shoulder.
1150
00:57:54,638 --> 00:57:57,206
Wall exploded and piece
of pipe lodged in there.
1151
00:57:57,974 --> 00:57:59,041
Had to cut it out.
1152
00:57:59,043 --> 00:58:00,642
Oh, my God!
1153
00:58:00,644 --> 00:58:01,477
Yeah.
1154
00:58:02,645 --> 00:58:03,779
It sounds worse
than it was but...
1155
00:58:10,253 --> 00:58:11,019
Can I see it?
1156
00:58:14,958 --> 00:58:16,124
Like, now?
1157
00:58:16,126 --> 00:58:17,759
Yeah.
1158
00:58:17,761 --> 00:58:19,061
Seriously?
Absolutely.
1159
00:58:20,063 --> 00:58:20,896
I... We were, um...
1160
00:58:21,731 --> 00:58:22,564
We're studying
1161
00:58:23,766 --> 00:58:26,068
wound care in
class right now
1162
00:58:26,070 --> 00:58:28,704
and it would be highly,
highly educational.
1163
00:58:31,140 --> 00:58:32,207
I think they're
gonna let us in.
1164
00:58:32,209 --> 00:58:34,610
Okay, people.
1165
00:58:34,612 --> 00:58:37,646
The air sex finals
are beyond sold out.
1166
00:58:37,648 --> 00:58:39,515
(ALL CHEERING)
1167
00:58:42,151 --> 00:58:44,086
So,
1168
00:58:44,088 --> 00:58:46,922
we're gonna seat
the finalists
and their guests first.
1169
00:58:46,924 --> 00:58:48,557
So, when I call your name
you can go on in.
1170
00:58:49,826 --> 00:58:51,994
Uh, Hugh G. Rection.
1171
00:58:53,897 --> 00:58:54,696
(PHONE BEEPS)
1172
00:58:58,902 --> 00:59:00,269
WOMAN: Pussy Juice Cocktail.
1173
00:59:00,271 --> 00:59:02,037
(HOWLING)
1174
00:59:05,074 --> 00:59:07,242
REDGE: I'm a little worried
'cause they've got vaginas,
1175
00:59:07,244 --> 00:59:08,076
and that always gives you
the upper hand.
1176
00:59:08,078 --> 00:59:09,278
Nazi Assfucker.
1177
00:59:12,615 --> 00:59:15,784
You know that girl
I met here, uh,
1178
00:59:15,786 --> 00:59:18,020
she's playing a show nearby.
She's been texting me.
1179
00:59:18,022 --> 00:59:19,054
WOMAN: Fuckasaurus Rex!
So?
1180
00:59:19,056 --> 00:59:20,255
Fuckasaurus Sex!
1181
00:59:21,090 --> 00:59:22,224
Okay, whatever. Go.
1182
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:25,761
Insane Clown Pussy.
1183
00:59:25,763 --> 00:59:28,096
(CHEERING)
1184
00:59:28,098 --> 00:59:28,864
So, you're gonna
bail on me again.
1185
00:59:30,333 --> 00:59:32,067
Look, I'm not
bailing on you...
Yeah, you are.
1186
00:59:32,069 --> 00:59:34,002
WOMAN: Donni Darkhole.
1187
00:59:34,004 --> 00:59:35,737
I'm going to hang
out with a girl.
1188
00:59:35,739 --> 00:59:38,073
Isn't that what you
want me to do
1189
00:59:38,075 --> 00:59:40,576
this weekend, right?
Isn't that the whole...
1190
00:59:40,578 --> 00:59:42,110
Yeah.
You really need me
here for this?
1191
00:59:42,112 --> 00:59:45,013
You're right.
Go, go. Yeah.
1192
00:59:45,015 --> 00:59:47,916
Fuck her in the butt.
Okay, so you're going to hold
this against me, really?
1193
00:59:47,918 --> 00:59:48,917
Why is it so
important to you?
1194
00:59:48,919 --> 00:59:52,888
Yeah, because everything
in my life is going so
incredibly right now, dude.
1195
00:59:52,890 --> 00:59:54,623
I'm fucking sleeping
on a couch
1196
00:59:54,625 --> 00:59:56,358
and driving around
in a corpse.
1197
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:59,661
I'm sorry I'm not in
Beverly Hills making
my dreams come true.
1198
00:59:59,663 --> 01:00:02,864
Making my... Right.
I'm fucking working at
a pizza parlor in Pasadena.
1199
01:00:02,866 --> 01:00:04,266
So, then you went out there
for no reason. That's...
1200
01:00:04,268 --> 01:00:06,301
I moved, dude.
1201
01:00:06,303 --> 01:00:08,303
I don't know why you're
taking it so personally.
1202
01:00:08,305 --> 01:00:11,206
Because ever since you
broke up with Cathy,
1203
01:00:11,208 --> 01:00:13,609
you broke us all up.
Things have never been the
same between me and Kara...
1204
01:00:13,611 --> 01:00:14,376
That's my fault?
...since you left.
1205
01:00:16,980 --> 01:00:19,348
Dude, I'm responsible
for my own fucked up
relationships, not yours.
1206
01:00:19,350 --> 01:00:20,849
Right, okay.
1207
01:00:20,851 --> 01:00:23,385
What about your
fucked up friendships?
1208
01:00:23,387 --> 01:00:25,887
You know, and another...
If this is all, like weird
for you, it makes...
1209
01:00:25,889 --> 01:00:28,256
You know, you don't approve
of this, you can ignore me.
1210
01:00:28,258 --> 01:00:29,191
'Cause you're fucking
awesome at it.
1211
01:00:32,895 --> 01:00:36,064
Take the booty call, Stan.
Kara?
1212
01:00:36,066 --> 01:00:37,733
What... What is this?
What are you doing here?
1213
01:00:38,668 --> 01:00:39,935
Go to the show, Stan.
1214
01:00:41,104 --> 01:00:42,004
Where's Cathy?
1215
01:00:42,839 --> 01:00:43,705
She's out.
1216
01:00:45,842 --> 01:00:46,808
What do you mean?
Like with somebody?
1217
01:00:47,844 --> 01:00:48,910
She's moving on, Stan.
1218
01:00:50,780 --> 01:00:51,680
All right? You should go
and do the same thing.
1219
01:00:53,916 --> 01:00:54,816
But...
1220
01:01:09,799 --> 01:01:10,699
Oh, shit.
1221
01:01:18,041 --> 01:01:19,908
Okay.
I know this.
1222
01:01:19,910 --> 01:01:20,375
(BEEPING)
512...
1223
01:01:22,145 --> 01:01:23,045
7...
1224
01:01:26,082 --> 01:01:26,982
Fuck!
1225
01:01:27,784 --> 01:01:28,717
(SCOFFS)
1226
01:01:30,319 --> 01:01:31,253
So...
1227
01:01:33,356 --> 01:01:35,323
Gonna have to unbutton
my shirt, doctor.
1228
01:01:39,095 --> 01:01:41,129
Oh, no. (CHUCKLING)
1229
01:01:42,065 --> 01:01:42,864
(UNLATCHING SEATBELT)
1230
01:01:44,867 --> 01:01:46,134
(CLEARS THROAT)
1231
01:01:52,709 --> 01:01:54,743
All right, there you,
there you go.
1232
01:01:56,179 --> 01:01:57,212
Oh!
1233
01:01:59,215 --> 01:02:00,782
May I?
1234
01:02:00,784 --> 01:02:01,450
You're the doctor.
1235
01:02:07,156 --> 01:02:08,390
Very nice.
Hmm.
1236
01:02:10,226 --> 01:02:11,093
Very nice.
1237
01:02:16,399 --> 01:02:18,934
You know, I have
a pretty good one myself.
1238
01:02:18,936 --> 01:02:20,435
You're damn well gonna
show it to me.
(CHUCKLING)
1239
01:02:21,370 --> 01:02:23,872
Now, I'm gonna have to
1240
01:02:23,874 --> 01:02:26,441
lift up my skirt.
No.
1241
01:02:26,443 --> 01:02:27,509
Yeah.
Don't you dare.
1242
01:02:28,911 --> 01:02:31,046
Don't you... (INHALES)
Lift up...
1243
01:02:31,914 --> 01:02:33,281
Okay, okay.
1244
01:02:36,085 --> 01:02:38,453
That is...
1245
01:02:38,455 --> 01:02:40,088
A beauty.
(STUTTERING) That's...
1246
01:02:40,857 --> 01:02:42,290
Yeah.
1247
01:02:42,292 --> 01:02:43,358
Softball.
Hmm.
1248
01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:45,761
Junior year.
1249
01:02:45,763 --> 01:02:48,530
I bumped into
the ball machine
while it was spinning
1250
01:02:48,532 --> 01:02:51,533
and...
(GROANING)
1251
01:02:51,535 --> 01:02:53,101
Damn, girl! Hmm.
Yeah.
1252
01:02:53,836 --> 01:02:54,770
Um...
1253
01:02:59,242 --> 01:03:00,242
Uh, looks like it
healed up
pretty good, though.
1254
01:03:07,450 --> 01:03:09,851
(CHUCKLING)
(SNORTING)
1255
01:03:11,521 --> 01:03:13,188
(CROWD CHEERING)
1256
01:03:13,190 --> 01:03:14,956
ANNOUNCER: Yeah!
Now.
1257
01:03:14,958 --> 01:03:16,792
Who's next?
Let's see who's next here.
1258
01:03:16,794 --> 01:03:18,393
We got...
1259
01:03:18,395 --> 01:03:21,029
Fuckasaurus Sex!
(CROWD CHEERING)
1260
01:03:23,232 --> 01:03:26,001
ANNOUNCER: Welcome back,
young man. Welcome back.
1261
01:03:26,003 --> 01:03:28,336
You got anything to say
before you get started, Sex?
1262
01:03:28,338 --> 01:03:31,473
I do, yeah. Uh,
this one is also dedicated
to my ex-girlfriend,
1263
01:03:31,475 --> 01:03:34,009
uh, Kara, who's a bitch.
1264
01:03:34,011 --> 01:03:36,278
And this is about
fucking her pussy,
or as I like to call it,
1265
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:37,913
"Visiting Carlsbad camp."
1266
01:03:37,915 --> 01:03:40,015
ANNOUNCER: Ho! Let's go!
1267
01:03:40,017 --> 01:03:42,317
(CROWD CHEERING)
1268
01:03:42,319 --> 01:03:43,385
(CELLO PLAYING)
Hello!
1269
01:03:46,556 --> 01:03:47,489
(KISSING NOISES)
1270
01:04:00,469 --> 01:04:03,071
(CROWD CHEERING)
1271
01:04:03,073 --> 01:04:06,074
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1272
01:04:06,076 --> 01:04:06,508
MAN: Biggest pussy
in the world!
1273
01:04:14,116 --> 01:04:15,217
Paintings on the wall.
1274
01:04:17,053 --> 01:04:17,586
How deep is it in there?
1275
01:04:20,256 --> 01:04:21,923
(GRUNTING)
1276
01:04:25,328 --> 01:04:26,862
(CROWD CHEERING)
1277
01:04:27,930 --> 01:04:28,897
JEFF: I'm in a horrible place!
1278
01:04:28,899 --> 01:04:29,598
(PHONE PINGING)
1279
01:04:32,635 --> 01:04:34,502
WOMAN: Are you?
STAN: Oh, shit.
1280
01:04:34,504 --> 01:04:36,171
Are you gonna go up?
Uh, no, I'm just
making a phone call.
1281
01:04:38,174 --> 01:04:40,508
Can you make it outside
so that we could...
Yeah, yeah.
1282
01:04:40,510 --> 01:04:41,309
Thanks.
1283
01:04:52,622 --> 01:04:53,521
Justine's?
1284
01:04:55,391 --> 01:04:56,491
Yeah, have you been
here before?
1285
01:04:57,326 --> 01:04:59,261
Uh, yeah.
1286
01:04:59,263 --> 01:05:01,663
Uh, a long time ago.
1287
01:05:01,665 --> 01:05:02,430
It's pretty great,
isn't it?
1288
01:05:03,532 --> 01:05:04,399
Yeah.
1289
01:05:19,015 --> 01:05:21,349
(HALEY SINGING)
♪ Oh, I know I've been
a menace
1290
01:05:22,985 --> 01:05:28,623
♪ Oh, I know I've been
a trial
1291
01:05:28,625 --> 01:05:31,259
♪ And you've washed
your hands of love
1292
01:05:34,964 --> 01:05:39,067
♪ But I made a Bible promise
1293
01:05:39,069 --> 01:05:42,103
♪ Cross my heart
and hope to die
1294
01:05:44,040 --> 01:05:46,174
♪ Till all is blue
1295
01:05:46,176 --> 01:05:48,543
♪ I'll be here waiting, honey
1296
01:05:49,478 --> 01:05:52,414
What will it be, stumbles?
1297
01:05:52,416 --> 01:05:54,649
Uh, just a water.
All right.
1298
01:05:57,353 --> 01:05:59,054
♪ So come on
1299
01:05:59,722 --> 01:06:01,690
♪ Answer
1300
01:06:01,692 --> 01:06:05,060
♪ Why don't you answer?
Answer
1301
01:06:06,395 --> 01:06:08,229
♪ There's a summer on
1302
01:06:10,967 --> 01:06:14,569
♪ And it's pulling up
the wallpaper
1303
01:06:16,005 --> 01:06:18,540
♪ With its wicked drone
1304
01:06:22,411 --> 01:06:24,446
♪ And I could sit here with
1305
01:06:26,182 --> 01:06:29,551
♪ With just a sliver
of your taffeta
1306
01:06:31,253 --> 01:06:33,621
♪ But that is not enough
1307
01:06:36,459 --> 01:06:38,159
♪ Oh
1308
01:06:39,528 --> 01:06:42,731
♪ I'm screaming
at your door
1309
01:06:44,233 --> 01:06:46,001
♪ So come on
1310
01:06:46,502 --> 01:06:48,303
♪ Answer
1311
01:06:48,305 --> 01:06:51,606
♪ Why don't you answer?
Answer
1312
01:06:51,608 --> 01:06:55,010
♪ Oh, my love
1313
01:06:55,012 --> 01:06:58,046
♪ I will forever, oh
1314
01:06:59,115 --> 01:07:01,383
♪ So little
1315
01:07:01,385 --> 01:07:03,551
♪ Withholder
1316
01:07:03,553 --> 01:07:06,454
♪ Why don't you answer?
Answer ♪
1317
01:07:07,123 --> 01:07:08,323
Thank you.
1318
01:07:10,059 --> 01:07:12,327
This,
1319
01:07:12,329 --> 01:07:15,497
you don't wanna know
what this stuff is made out
of, I assure you, but...
1320
01:07:15,499 --> 01:07:17,766
You know, can you actually
give me one quick second?
1321
01:07:17,768 --> 01:07:18,700
TIM: Of course.
Okay.
1322
01:07:31,647 --> 01:07:33,181
STAN: Oh, you were fucking
incredible!
1323
01:07:33,183 --> 01:07:34,816
Like, I don't even know
how to put it into words.
1324
01:07:34,818 --> 01:07:37,419
I would need so many
different adjectives.
1325
01:07:37,421 --> 01:07:40,388
I would need a whole new
combo adjective.
1326
01:07:40,390 --> 01:07:42,690
Like you're
fantasi-spectacul-awesome?
1327
01:07:42,692 --> 01:07:45,393
That comes close.
That was good.
(GIGGLING)
1328
01:07:45,395 --> 01:07:46,728
Well, it's very nice
of you to say that.
1329
01:07:46,730 --> 01:07:50,732
Oh, yeah, of course.
I don't wanna lose
my good Samaritan status.
1330
01:07:51,834 --> 01:07:52,767
Very sweet of you.
1331
01:07:54,437 --> 01:07:56,304
Hey, do you wanna smoke?
1332
01:07:56,306 --> 01:07:57,772
Oh, uh, no, no,
I'm fine.
1333
01:07:57,774 --> 01:07:59,307
Okay.
But go ahead.
1334
01:07:59,309 --> 01:08:01,209
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah.
No, I like the smell.
1335
01:08:01,211 --> 01:08:02,243
I'll be your look out.
(GIGGLING)
1336
01:08:02,245 --> 01:08:03,745
Thank you.
1337
01:08:03,747 --> 01:08:05,413
I think everyone else
on this street is stoned,
1338
01:08:05,415 --> 01:08:06,514
so you're in good company.
1339
01:08:24,700 --> 01:08:26,601
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Sorry.
1340
01:08:29,305 --> 01:08:30,472
HALEY: Go ahead, take it.
1341
01:08:30,474 --> 01:08:31,673
Oh, no, no.
That's okay.
1342
01:08:34,510 --> 01:08:35,410
You sure?
Yeah.
1343
01:08:37,179 --> 01:08:37,846
Okay.
1344
01:08:40,516 --> 01:08:42,150
Actually, you know,
is there any left?
Yeah.
1345
01:08:42,152 --> 01:08:43,318
Yeah, thanks.
Go ahead.
1346
01:08:44,320 --> 01:08:45,353
I'll be your look out.
1347
01:08:53,462 --> 01:08:56,731
(COUGHING)
Oh.
1348
01:08:56,733 --> 01:08:59,601
Whoa! Man, slow down,
funky town. You okay?
1349
01:08:59,603 --> 01:09:01,169
Good, I'm good.
1350
01:09:01,171 --> 01:09:03,204
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1351
01:09:18,354 --> 01:09:21,489
Hugh G. Rection,
that's enough, thank you
very, very much.
1352
01:09:21,491 --> 01:09:24,159
Whoa!
Man down.
1353
01:09:24,161 --> 01:09:26,227
Man down.
1354
01:09:26,229 --> 01:09:29,831
That was a very
admirable effort,
ladies and gentlemen.
1355
01:09:29,833 --> 01:09:34,335
But perhaps we learned
that being intoxicated
isn't enough.
1356
01:09:34,337 --> 01:09:37,338
You've also gotta
have a story.
1357
01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:41,176
Don't come up on this stage
without a story, folks.
1358
01:09:41,178 --> 01:09:42,710
That's what we
wanna see, all right?
1359
01:09:43,779 --> 01:09:45,547
Who's up next?
Who's up next?
1360
01:09:46,582 --> 01:09:48,883
Let me see.
1361
01:09:48,885 --> 01:09:51,352
Oh, oh, dirty lady,
you can't come up here.
1362
01:09:51,354 --> 01:09:52,687
Get the fuck off
the stage, you bag lady!
1363
01:09:52,689 --> 01:09:53,655
Shit, really?
1364
01:09:55,858 --> 01:10:00,328
Ooh, this is highly
unusual, but...
1365
01:10:00,330 --> 01:10:03,264
Fuck it. I make the rules
as we go anyway.
1366
01:10:03,266 --> 01:10:05,600
And this is too good
to pass up.
1367
01:10:05,602 --> 01:10:08,503
We got another
performer, folks!
1368
01:10:08,505 --> 01:10:09,737
(CROWD CHEERING)
1369
01:10:11,740 --> 01:10:13,942
WOMAN: You didn't fucking
qualify, bitch! Get down.
1370
01:10:13,944 --> 01:10:15,944
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give to you,
1371
01:10:15,946 --> 01:10:18,279
the one and hopefully only,
1372
01:10:18,281 --> 01:10:22,584
"Jeff Brown eats his own
boogers and I should know
1373
01:10:22,586 --> 01:10:25,620
"because I used to live
with the fucking loser."
1374
01:10:26,255 --> 01:10:27,655
(CROWD BOOING)
1375
01:10:29,658 --> 01:10:30,959
You got anything
to say up top?
1376
01:10:32,494 --> 01:10:35,697
Yeah. My real name
is Kara Jenkins.
1377
01:10:35,699 --> 01:10:39,300
And uh, this is my
interpretation of what's it
like to have sex with a penis
1378
01:10:39,302 --> 01:10:40,368
the size of a toothpick.
1379
01:10:40,370 --> 01:10:43,471
(CROWD JEERING)
1380
01:10:43,473 --> 01:10:44,639
ANNOUNCER: This is gonna be
exciting, folks.
1381
01:10:44,641 --> 01:10:46,241
Hit it!
1382
01:10:46,243 --> 01:10:47,976
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1383
01:11:04,727 --> 01:11:06,327
Oh, no, ma'am.
What?
1384
01:11:22,678 --> 01:11:24,579
(CROWD CHEERING)
1385
01:11:36,625 --> 01:11:38,559
So then, you've,
so you've performed...
1386
01:11:38,561 --> 01:11:41,496
Well, in a living room,
I did, yeah.
Oh, gosh.
1387
01:11:41,498 --> 01:11:42,997
(CHUCKLING)
That's terrifying.
1388
01:11:42,999 --> 01:11:43,998
(COUGHING)
1389
01:11:45,801 --> 01:11:46,901
Are you sure
you're okay?
Great, yeah.
1390
01:11:49,004 --> 01:11:49,904
Um...
1391
01:11:50,973 --> 01:11:51,773
So are you, uh...
1392
01:11:53,842 --> 01:11:55,743
Like, on a label?
No, not yet.
1393
01:11:57,913 --> 01:11:59,947
Wait, that's dumb,
you know.
1394
01:11:59,949 --> 01:12:01,983
I don't know,
you just seem so,
you're so good.
1395
01:12:01,985 --> 01:12:03,718
Thank you.
1396
01:12:03,720 --> 01:12:06,387
Well, I've come close
a few times and...
1397
01:12:06,389 --> 01:12:08,523
Recently, a few very
influential nerds
on the internet
1398
01:12:08,525 --> 01:12:10,425
have written about me, so...
1399
01:12:10,427 --> 01:12:12,593
Wow, do you have
a pretty big internet
footprint, would you say?
1400
01:12:12,595 --> 01:12:13,928
Um...
What if I googled
you right now?
1401
01:12:14,697 --> 01:12:15,596
What would I find?
1402
01:12:16,332 --> 01:12:17,632
I don't know.
1403
01:12:17,634 --> 01:12:19,734
What was the song
that you, um...
1404
01:12:19,736 --> 01:12:20,735
HALEY: Oh, I haven't
put that one.
1405
01:12:21,704 --> 01:12:22,570
I haven't put that up yet.
1406
01:12:23,806 --> 01:12:24,806
Shit!
1407
01:12:26,875 --> 01:12:28,910
HALEY: What's up?
Is that pretty strong?
1408
01:12:28,912 --> 01:12:30,712
Uh, stuff that we...
That we smoked?
Um...
1409
01:12:31,847 --> 01:12:34,382
Not really.
STAN: I'm spinning.
1410
01:12:34,384 --> 01:12:35,783
You're spinning?
Yep.
1411
01:12:35,785 --> 01:12:37,085
I think we should
probably lie down.
1412
01:12:37,087 --> 01:12:38,086
HALEY: Oh, okay.
1413
01:12:38,721 --> 01:12:40,121
Here we go.
1414
01:12:48,364 --> 01:12:49,063
Um...
1415
01:12:52,668 --> 01:12:54,802
(SIGHS)
No, that's okay.
(CHUCKLING)
1416
01:12:54,804 --> 01:12:57,405
That's...that's okay.
I'm, um...
1417
01:13:00,008 --> 01:13:01,642
Oh, God.
1418
01:13:01,644 --> 01:13:03,644
No, no.
(GROANING) Oh!
1419
01:13:03,646 --> 01:13:06,881
Ah, shit.
Why did I smoke?
I never smoke.
1420
01:13:06,883 --> 01:13:07,949
I don't know,
why did you?
(EXHALING)
1421
01:13:09,017 --> 01:13:10,852
You looked so cool
doing it, and...
1422
01:13:11,620 --> 01:13:12,620
I'm an idiot, I think.
1423
01:13:13,722 --> 01:13:15,923
It's okay.
1424
01:13:15,925 --> 01:13:17,725
You are also
very cute.
Yeah, so are you.
1425
01:13:19,027 --> 01:13:20,395
You know,
I'm still spinning.
1426
01:13:20,397 --> 01:13:21,763
(CHUCKLING)
So, I can't even...
1427
01:13:21,765 --> 01:13:22,697
Don't, don't.
There's like three of you.
1428
01:13:25,434 --> 01:13:26,467
Just talk about
normal stuff.
Okay.
1429
01:13:26,469 --> 01:13:27,969
Yeah, I'm normal.
1430
01:13:27,971 --> 01:13:30,104
So, what about you?
What is your thing,
what do you do?
1431
01:13:30,106 --> 01:13:32,573
(EXHALING) Uh, writing...
Sitcom.
1432
01:13:32,575 --> 01:13:34,442
Really?
Where can I see it?
1433
01:13:34,444 --> 01:13:36,644
No, you can't.
It's, uh...
1434
01:13:36,646 --> 01:13:40,548
Too weird, but still
trying and I'm doing
1435
01:13:40,550 --> 01:13:42,083
a restaurant job in LA
like everybody else there.
1436
01:13:43,419 --> 01:13:45,686
LA, huh?
1437
01:13:45,688 --> 01:13:47,588
Mr. 213, it all makes
sense now.
Yeah.
1438
01:13:49,124 --> 01:13:50,858
What part of town
do you live in?
1439
01:13:50,860 --> 01:13:52,593
Glendale.
I live in Los Feliz.
1440
01:13:53,595 --> 01:13:57,632
The eastsiders.
Yes.
1441
01:13:57,634 --> 01:13:59,434
Anything west to the 101
sort of makes me
wanna kill myself.
1442
01:13:59,436 --> 01:14:00,468
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1443
01:14:02,638 --> 01:14:04,605
Okay, yeah, laughing
hurts actually, that's...
Oh, no.
1444
01:14:06,842 --> 01:14:08,709
Well, if we
can't laugh and you
can't look at me,
1445
01:14:08,711 --> 01:14:09,210
what else do we have
to do here?
1446
01:14:12,881 --> 01:14:15,149
Oh, shit. Haley,
I have to, uh...
1447
01:14:15,151 --> 01:14:16,584
Tell you about
something, um...
1448
01:14:18,554 --> 01:14:19,454
(SIGHS)
1449
01:14:19,955 --> 01:14:21,589
Your phone?
1450
01:14:21,591 --> 01:14:24,792
There's a voicemail
on here from
my ex-girlfriend.
1451
01:14:25,861 --> 01:14:28,696
And I don't know
what it says.
1452
01:14:28,698 --> 01:14:30,631
Maybe she wants to get
back together or maybe
she's telling me to fuck off.
1453
01:14:30,633 --> 01:14:31,933
Because, I, um...
1454
01:14:33,869 --> 01:14:36,671
I came here
on a day's notice,
1455
01:14:36,673 --> 01:14:37,738
'cause I found out that
she was coming.
1456
01:14:39,975 --> 01:14:42,210
But then I met you, and...
(STUTTERING)
1457
01:14:44,213 --> 01:14:46,013
It has been
1458
01:14:46,015 --> 01:14:47,748
awesome, but I just, just,
if I don't listen to it,
I'm...
1459
01:14:49,818 --> 01:14:50,685
(SIGHS)
1460
01:14:54,590 --> 01:14:55,223
You should listen to it.
1461
01:14:59,661 --> 01:15:00,528
(CLEARS THROAT)
1462
01:15:02,064 --> 01:15:02,964
Thank you
for coming tonight.
1463
01:15:05,133 --> 01:15:06,000
And...
I'm sorry.
1464
01:15:07,903 --> 01:15:10,037
Don't worry about it.
Good luck with the lady.
1465
01:15:12,174 --> 01:15:13,174
Are you gonna be okay?
1466
01:15:13,942 --> 01:15:15,209
Yeah, I'll be fine.
1467
01:15:17,913 --> 01:15:18,946
(SIGHS)
1468
01:15:20,916 --> 01:15:22,250
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
ANNOUNCER: And now...
1469
01:15:22,252 --> 01:15:24,118
Booger! That's it.
1470
01:15:24,120 --> 01:15:26,187
(CROWD CHEERING)
1471
01:15:29,224 --> 01:15:31,559
And now, Saurus Sex.
1472
01:15:32,294 --> 01:15:33,995
Oh, yeah.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
1473
01:15:35,297 --> 01:15:37,532
(CROWD CHEERING)
1474
01:15:37,534 --> 01:15:39,867
Booger!
Saurus!
1475
01:15:44,206 --> 01:15:47,542
Ladies and gentlemen,
I think we got a tie.
1476
01:15:47,544 --> 01:15:50,177
It's a fuck-off.
1477
01:15:50,179 --> 01:15:52,213
(CROWD CHEERING)
Yeah!
1478
01:15:52,215 --> 01:15:54,849
All right, all right.
Yeah.
1479
01:15:54,851 --> 01:15:57,552
Y'all know the rules.
In a fuck-off,
1480
01:15:57,554 --> 01:16:00,988
there are no rules,
except, no touching.
1481
01:16:00,990 --> 01:16:04,926
Keep the sex in the air,
not the genitals!
1482
01:16:04,928 --> 01:16:06,093
Music, please.
1483
01:16:07,696 --> 01:16:09,797
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1484
01:16:11,600 --> 01:16:13,067
(CROWD CLAPPING AND CHEERING)
1485
01:16:24,146 --> 01:16:25,613
(CROWD YELLING)
1486
01:16:36,858 --> 01:16:37,925
MAN IN CROWD: Yeah!
1487
01:16:40,128 --> 01:16:41,896
MAN: Oh, shit!
1488
01:16:45,033 --> 01:16:46,033
(GRUNTING)
(CROWD YELLING)
1489
01:17:08,156 --> 01:17:09,390
(CROWD CHEERING)
1490
01:17:23,839 --> 01:17:26,874
ANNOUNCER: What are you doing?
No touching.
1491
01:17:26,876 --> 01:17:29,210
It's a violation!
Break it up.
Break it up.
1492
01:17:31,013 --> 01:17:31,879
(EXHALES)
1493
01:17:42,924 --> 01:17:43,924
(BEEPS)
1494
01:17:48,730 --> 01:17:49,664
CATHY: (ON VOICEMAIL)
Hi, Stan.
1495
01:17:52,901 --> 01:17:53,934
Wow, um...
1496
01:17:55,837 --> 01:17:58,072
I haven't said those
words in months.
1497
01:17:59,174 --> 01:18:00,007
Um...
1498
01:18:03,445 --> 01:18:05,913
I was just calling,
because, um...
1499
01:18:12,320 --> 01:18:14,121
Because, um...
1500
01:18:16,458 --> 01:18:18,125
I'm sorry, I'm...
1501
01:18:19,928 --> 01:18:22,296
I'm so sorry.
I'm, I'm being an idiot.
1502
01:18:36,178 --> 01:18:37,778
Okay, um...
1503
01:18:42,117 --> 01:18:43,417
Thank you for dinner.
1504
01:18:45,420 --> 01:18:46,487
Absolutely.
1505
01:18:53,128 --> 01:18:54,128
Okay.
1506
01:18:59,801 --> 01:19:00,301
TIM: Well, have
a good night.
1507
01:19:02,104 --> 01:19:02,937
You, too.
1508
01:19:20,756 --> 01:19:22,790
(MOANING)
1509
01:19:27,195 --> 01:19:29,330
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Mmm... Wait.
1510
01:19:29,332 --> 01:19:31,232
Oh, one second.
Are you kidding me?
1511
01:19:31,234 --> 01:19:33,901
Oh, it's Cathy.
Are you kidding me?
1512
01:19:33,903 --> 01:19:35,102
Hey, girl, what's up?
1513
01:19:35,104 --> 01:19:36,971
I ruined the date.
I... I ruined it!
1514
01:19:36,973 --> 01:19:38,005
(STUTTERING)
I just, just...
1515
01:19:38,007 --> 01:19:39,240
Obliterated it!
1516
01:19:39,242 --> 01:19:43,844
(GRUNTING)
CATHY: I dropped the toast
and I started crying.
1517
01:19:43,846 --> 01:19:46,380
And he took me to Justine's.
Justine's of all places!
1518
01:19:46,382 --> 01:19:48,449
Oh, my God, he took
you to Justine's.
1519
01:19:48,451 --> 01:19:49,950
He must've really
wanted to fuck you.
1520
01:19:49,952 --> 01:19:52,186
Who cares who wants
to fuck Cathy?
1521
01:19:52,188 --> 01:19:54,388
Cathy, I'm leaking into
my pants right now.
Put a cork in it, asshole.
1522
01:19:54,390 --> 01:19:56,557
Wait, is that Jeff?
What's going on?
1523
01:19:56,559 --> 01:19:58,092
CATHY: Are you guys
back together?
Maybe.
1524
01:19:58,960 --> 01:20:00,060
(SIGHS)
1525
01:20:01,329 --> 01:20:02,163
(BEEPS)
1526
01:20:03,031 --> 01:20:04,231
(PHONE RINGING)
1527
01:20:04,233 --> 01:20:05,900
(BEEPING)
1528
01:20:05,902 --> 01:20:07,134
Oh, my God.
1529
01:20:07,136 --> 01:20:08,536
CATHY: He's calling me.
Who, Tim?
1530
01:20:08,538 --> 01:20:10,437
No, no, it's Stan.
1531
01:20:10,439 --> 01:20:13,107
Stan's calling you?
Oh, that fucking loser.
1532
01:20:13,109 --> 01:20:14,308
(RINGING)
1533
01:20:14,310 --> 01:20:15,843
(BEEPING)
1534
01:20:15,845 --> 01:20:16,510
Oh, shit.
Not now, dude.
1535
01:20:17,078 --> 01:20:19,146
(BEEPS)
1536
01:20:19,148 --> 01:20:21,382
Look, you're right,
I'm sorry.
I bailed on you tonight.
1537
01:20:21,384 --> 01:20:23,417
I bailed on you
the last six months.
I don't care if you do
1538
01:20:23,419 --> 01:20:25,286
slam poetry,
I don't care if you air sex.
1539
01:20:25,288 --> 01:20:28,322
Awesome, awesome.
Great, dude, I'm stoked.
1540
01:20:28,324 --> 01:20:30,524
Listen, I need a favor.
What?
1541
01:20:30,526 --> 01:20:32,560
I need you to apologize
to Cathy, tell her
you love her.
1542
01:20:32,562 --> 01:20:34,895
Make up with her,
move back to Austin
and have little Stanleys.
1543
01:20:34,897 --> 01:20:37,264
I don't care, but you gotta
get her off the phone
with my girlfriend,
1544
01:20:37,266 --> 01:20:39,033
because she's blocking me
from getting the pussy
that I deserve.
1545
01:20:39,035 --> 01:20:40,167
KARA: Deserve?
Shut up.
1546
01:20:40,169 --> 01:20:41,535
Fuck you!
Shut up!
1547
01:20:41,537 --> 01:20:43,237
Wait, she's on the phone
with Kara, right now?
1548
01:20:43,239 --> 01:20:44,505
Wait, who's Jeff talking to?
1549
01:20:44,507 --> 01:20:46,507
KARA: Who do you think?
1550
01:20:46,509 --> 01:20:47,842
You know, just talk
to each other.
1551
01:20:53,148 --> 01:20:54,515
Guys, talk.
Use your words,
please, go.
1552
01:21:01,022 --> 01:21:01,856
KARA: Okay, seriously?
1553
01:21:03,525 --> 01:21:06,093
Look, you guys
either belong together
or you don't,
1554
01:21:06,095 --> 01:21:08,362
but this
wishy-washy-in-between
shit has gotta go.
1555
01:21:08,364 --> 01:21:10,364
Actually, Stan, I know
what you should do. Listen,
1556
01:21:10,366 --> 01:21:12,933
there's edible underwear
in the medicine cabinet
at Redge's house.
1557
01:21:12,935 --> 01:21:14,869
The red ones taste terrible,
but the other...
How do you know that?
1558
01:21:14,871 --> 01:21:16,470
JEFF: Because, we were stoned
and we had no food
1559
01:21:16,472 --> 01:21:19,440
Just shut up, shut up.
Or...
1560
01:21:19,442 --> 01:21:21,275
Forgive each other
for ruining
a great relationship
1561
01:21:21,277 --> 01:21:23,944
and move on.
Either way we love you.
1562
01:21:23,946 --> 01:21:27,248
Stan, for bailing on me
because I was incredible
on stage tonight.
1563
01:21:27,250 --> 01:21:29,016
Oh, I fucking
destroyed you!
Everybody knows that...
1564
01:21:31,920 --> 01:21:32,987
It's not that kind
of cab, guys.
1565
01:22:08,623 --> 01:22:09,423
(BEEPS)
1566
01:22:10,225 --> 01:22:11,358
(LINE RINGING)
1567
01:22:19,467 --> 01:22:20,501
(BEEPS)
1568
01:22:22,304 --> 01:22:23,504
(LINE RINGING)
1569
01:22:29,577 --> 01:22:30,511
Hi.
1570
01:22:32,047 --> 01:22:33,047
Hey.
1571
01:22:34,149 --> 01:22:35,149
TIM: Look out.
1572
01:22:49,664 --> 01:22:51,165
(GIGGLING)
1573
01:22:53,501 --> 01:22:55,202
(MOANING)
1574
01:23:09,117 --> 01:23:10,050
Are you okay?
1575
01:23:23,732 --> 01:23:24,999
(MOANING)
1576
01:23:27,469 --> 01:23:28,502
(MOANING)
1577
01:23:37,345 --> 01:23:38,579
(KARA PANTING)
1578
01:23:42,684 --> 01:23:44,351
(GRUNTING)
1579
01:23:48,690 --> 01:23:50,157
(GASPING)
1580
01:24:09,344 --> 01:24:10,644
Is my penis, really,
really that small?
1581
01:24:12,814 --> 01:24:13,747
Honestly?
1582
01:24:16,618 --> 01:24:17,484
I love it.
1583
01:24:24,325 --> 01:24:25,259
And what about
1584
01:24:26,227 --> 01:24:27,094
my cavern?
1585
01:24:29,330 --> 01:24:32,366
It's like
a little child's.
1586
01:24:32,368 --> 01:24:34,134
Better not know
what that fucking
feels like, you pedo.
1587
01:24:37,439 --> 01:24:39,106
I was complimenting
your vagina.
1588
01:24:41,242 --> 01:24:42,810
I said a nice thing.
1589
01:24:42,812 --> 01:24:44,244
You hit me
in the fucking ear
with a chip.
1590
01:24:55,490 --> 01:24:56,323
Hey.
1591
01:24:59,194 --> 01:25:00,294
Good to see you, Cathy.
Oh.
1592
01:25:00,296 --> 01:25:02,596
Bye, Jeff.
1593
01:25:02,598 --> 01:25:04,832
Ah, you called a cab?
Just give me two minutes,
I can take you.
1594
01:25:04,834 --> 01:25:07,201
No, no, I, uh,
heard you, um...
1595
01:25:07,203 --> 01:25:10,304
Using the microwave
this morning.
1596
01:25:10,306 --> 01:25:11,805
(GIGGLING)
And I didn't wanna bug.
1597
01:25:15,810 --> 01:25:17,544
So, did you guys talk?
1598
01:25:17,846 --> 01:25:19,113
Um, no.
1599
01:25:20,181 --> 01:25:23,117
Nope, we did not.
1600
01:25:23,119 --> 01:25:25,185
Then why are you smiling?
We did not talk at all.
1601
01:25:27,856 --> 01:25:29,423
Oh!
(GIGGLING)
1602
01:25:29,425 --> 01:25:31,792
Fuck, yes!
1603
01:25:31,794 --> 01:25:33,327
Mmm.
What?
1604
01:25:33,329 --> 01:25:35,562
Oh!
(GIGGLING)
1605
01:25:35,564 --> 01:25:37,831
Oh, shit!
I'm so sore.
1606
01:25:37,833 --> 01:25:39,266
Oh, that's my girl.
I'm so sore.
1607
01:25:39,268 --> 01:25:40,167
Yeah.
1608
01:25:44,839 --> 01:25:45,806
(HONKING)
1609
01:25:48,143 --> 01:25:49,776
You called a cab?
1610
01:25:49,778 --> 01:25:52,279
Yeah, I didn't know
if I was gonna see you.
1611
01:25:56,684 --> 01:25:59,653
I'm sorry, dude.
STAN: Oh, don't.
It's no problem.
1612
01:25:59,655 --> 01:26:01,555
I'm actually very surprised
to see you in pants
this early.
1613
01:26:02,323 --> 01:26:03,190
Pants.
1614
01:26:06,728 --> 01:26:07,594
Did you call her?
1615
01:26:08,496 --> 01:26:09,863
No.
No?
1616
01:26:11,266 --> 01:26:13,567
Why are you glowing?
What?
1617
01:26:13,569 --> 01:26:15,669
Why are you so happy?
1618
01:26:15,671 --> 01:26:17,638
Why are you happy?
What happened
last night, huh?
1619
01:26:17,640 --> 01:26:19,206
Did you call that new girl?
1620
01:26:19,208 --> 01:26:21,175
Did you have sex
with that new girl?
1621
01:26:21,177 --> 01:26:22,409
Did you fuck
that new girl?
Oh, we made love
1622
01:26:22,411 --> 01:26:24,845
and it was so sweet.
1623
01:26:24,847 --> 01:26:26,780
Dude, she's such
a good cuddler.
What are you doing?
1624
01:26:26,782 --> 01:26:29,683
We talked for hours.
Get off me!
You're not doing it right.
1625
01:26:29,685 --> 01:26:31,852
That's not the way
you do that.
Get rid of the cab,
1626
01:26:31,854 --> 01:26:34,354
I'm driving you
to the airport,
Jesus Christ!
1627
01:26:34,356 --> 01:26:36,690
Hey, listen man, can I just
give you ten bucks?
1627
01:26:37,305 --> 01:26:43,812
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