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Duncan?
Duncan, are you sleeping?
No.
Let me ask you something.
On a scale of one to ten, what do you think you are?
Duncan? I'm asking you how you see yourself.
Scale of one to ten.
I don't know.
I can't hear you, bud. You have to speak up.
I don't know.
What? What don't you know? How you see yourself?
You don't have any opinion?
I'm just asking.
Pick any number, scale of one to ten.
Just shout it out. Say a number.
A six.
A what?
A six!
I think you're a three.
You know why I think you're a three?
Do you know what would make me say that?
No.
You don't know? You have no idea?
No.
You've got to speak up, buddy.
No!
Since I've been dating your mom,
I don't see you putting yourself out there, bud.
Meeting kids your own age.
And from what your mom tells me,
you just seem content to hang around her apartment.
Is that a fair assessment? You're just happy to not do anything?
Because, damn, to me that is a three.
But, the good news I'm here to tell you,
since there's going to be plenty of kids
and plenty of opportunities for you
to take advantage of at my beach house this summer.
It's a big summer for all of us, really.
You, your mom. Me, Steph.
One day, we could become a family.
So, what do you say? Let's try to get that score up. Huh?
Aim higher than a three?
That sound good?
You up for that, buddy?
This is it.
Dad, could I get the keys?
Are you kidding me?
Thank God!
Another night of drinking alone and I was going to kill myself!
Hey!
I'm off the wagon again.
Accept it and move on.
Oh, my God. Press my laundry.
-Oh, Trent. -How're you doing?
I'm good. I like this.
I love your ride. Does the eight track still work?
What this? This is exactly the car my dad used to drive us in.
Old and crappy.
Do you have any idea how much I've spent on this car?
This is cherry. This is a cherry car.
A car salesman with bad taste.
Shocker.
-Hi. I'm Betty. -Hi, Pam.
Trent's probably already talked crap about me.
No.
He did, didn't he? It's okay if he has.
What did he say?
I'm loving this.
Oh, thank you.
I couldn't pull it off. My hair seems to hate me.
That's where you're supposed to say, "Your hair's lovely."
Oh, it, is. It is lovely.
Okay.
I like her.
What's not to like?
Get it where you can. I'd be on my back after a line like that.
Susanna, Trent's here.
This is his new girlfriend, Pam.
Hi, Susanna.
Say, "Hi."
Hi.
Yeah, but don't come down.
Just stand there, brooding.
You've brought me a man. How thoughtful.
Hello, sailor.
Who is this in all his awkward stage glory?
This is my son, Duncan.
Everybody lends a hand.
Oh, my God. I was going to name my youngest Duncan,
but my ex-husband thought it was too nerdy.
So, we went with Peter. Which, personally, I think is worse.
But, it suits my son, so...
Oh, don't worry, you wear the name well.
Trent, where's Steph?
We've been here all of two minutes,
so I suppose she's getting ready for the beach.
Oh, my God. She's just like me. Screw cancer.
I want to be an even golden brown. Everywhere.
Everybody's back this year. The Gales. The Hutchisons.
The Campbells, sans Ben because of the trial.
Insider trading.
The Smythes. Oh, and the Keegans, who I'm not talking to.
You can if you want to, but just know that most of us aren't.
Okay.
So, do you think you will? Pam?
Do I think I will, what?
Talk to the Keegans.
Oh, I don't know. I don't even know them.
Do if you want to but just know that I'm mad at them.
I don't even want to get into why.
They called me a See-You-Next-Tuesday.
To my face.
You're going to love it here!
I've only had one.
So, how was your winter?
Because our year was a challenge.
My niece was raped in October.
Oh, my God!
I know. Not even food courts are safe
Oh, and Bob, that's my ex-husband.
Finally came out of the closet. Not a shock.
Let's just say that, in bed,
his favorite view was the back of my head.
My oldest, Charlie, is still into the drugs and psychedelic music.
Drugs I get. But, come on, Gary Garcia's dead! Get over it.
Gary?
Don't do drugs, Declan.
Duncan.
Oh, and Susanna. You saw her. She's a walking mood.
She's going through an "I hate my mother" phase.
Taking her father's side, as usual.
Hi, Mrs. Thompson.
Oh, Steph, don't you look so cute.
That's exactly the kind of suit that got me pregnant the first time.
That's what I'm hoping for.
Hey.
I'm kidding!
Oh, and Peter. Finally got his surgery to fix his lazy eye.
Now, it's even worse.
I try to get him to wear an eye patch,
so people don't feel awkward. But, what are you gonna do?
I'm outta here.
Oh, why don't you take Duncan with you?
Screw that. I told you I'm not baby-sitting him all summer.
You're gonna take Duncan with you, young lady. All right?
Why don't you go to the beach, honey? You'll have fun.
We're just going to be unpacking here.
We might be doing some other stuff, too.
That's our cue, kids. Come on.
Now, listen, I am still having my annual Fourth of July Clambake.
And it will bleed into your yard.
Okay.
Bob or no Bob, the party must go on.
He's probably sliding off our gardener right now.
Let's have a fun summer!
Duncan, are you coming or what?
Have fun.
Just keep your distance.
And, just don't die. I don't need that shit hanging over my head.
We can absolutely party at my place.
My dad only gets to see me, like, twice a year,
so he totally just wants me to be happy.
That's exactly the type of parent I'm going to be.
I'm gonna do drugs with my kids.
Oh, my God. I forgot. Willem broke up with Jessica!
No!
Good. I don't get her face.
It's like she fell on it.
Oh, my God! Susanna, you have to get on that this summer.
Yeah.
Chad!
What?
I want to go in the water!
Then, go!
Baby, I'm right in the middle of tossing. We talked about this.
All right. He's being weird.
Let's go.
What are you staring at, perv?
Where is that kid from, anyway?
Albany.
He and his mom.
My dad says they live in a one-bedroom apartment.
Tragic.
I know, right?
Susanna. We're all swimming!
What is her deal?
I don't know. She's been like that since we got here.
Duncan. We were just coming to find you
This is Peter.
Hey, Duncan.
Hey.
Just stare at the bridge of his nose. That's what I do.
Mom. Are you shitting me?
If you wore the patch,
I wouldn't have to keep telling people that, would I?
Duncan, I thought you and Peter should hang out this summer.
Lord knows he brought enough of his Star Wars dolls.
They're action figures! And they're classics!
Please.
They lose value if I take them out of the box.
But we can still have awesome battles with them.
He needs human contact.
He's having far too many conversations with those dolls.
No, I'm not!
Should we set up a time for you two to get together tomorrow?
I should check with my mom.
Oh. Okay.
Don't stand us up. We know where you live!
I told you. Your eye makes people uncomfortable.
You're the worst parent.
That is your father talking.
Did he tell you to say that?
Yeah.
He did?
Yes.
That's terrible.
And I can't fight this feelin' anymore
Forgotten what I started fightin' for
It's time to bring the ship into the shore
And throw away...
Not doing it.
You put it on.
Fire burns just like me
No, no, no, no.
Help me. No!
Come on!
No.
Carry a laser down the road that I must travel
Carry a laser down the darkness of the night
Carry a laser...
Whoa! Whoa! Are you saying, "Carry a laser?"
That's what it is.
Why would anybody write a song called, "Carry A Laser?"
Because they like outer space.
You just walked into the wrong room, stranger.
Who are you?
Mom.
This is Duncan, my son.
These are Trent's friends, Joan and Kip.
Chief, I'm Kip. I'm the one who's not grinding on you right now.
I'm not grinding on him.
Yes, you are.
Carry a laser down the road that I must travel
I'll make it worse.
Mom, no.
I'm out of here.
Oh, wait. I made dinner.
Oh, shoot. I have plans.
Steph, wait, check out his moves.
Enjoy therapy.
-See you, Dad. -See you.
All right, we did that.
Not me. I could barely watch that.
Buddy, any chance you were on top of my car?
No.
Okay. 'Cause there was a dent in the roof.
Big dent.
It popped out. It's fine.
I was just wondering if you knew anything about that?
We did have bags up there, honey.
That's true. We did. Fair enough.
That was probably it. Right?
Hey, Pam. You need a hand?
Oh, no. Thank you. We've got a system going on here.
Yeah! We got a good team here. Right?
Good team.
Adorable.
Can you pass me something to eat, sweetie?
No, I can tell you exactly where I was.
Passed out in the dunes.
That's true!
Yes! Because, you left me there!
No, wait! Kip wanted to go out on his boat.
He said you would be fine by the fire.
Here's what he said! "Yoo, hoo! You never came back."
No, we didn't.
I came back the next morning.
- Yes! - First thing.
And I had to poke her with a stick to wake her.
You know, I once went to this luau-themed party.
I'm sorry. No, please. You were talking...
No, you go.
Tell your story, babe.
No, it's dumb.
Well, now you have to tell it.
I went to this luau and I passed out in the dunes, too.
That's basically it.
That's so funny.
No, it's just a similar thing to...
No, totally.
I have to point out by the way I'm loading up for the third time.
Thank you.
Bravo.
And I apologize for this asshole
springing us on you at the last minute.
No, not at all. I'm a caterer. I love cooking for people.
Oh, you cater? That makes sense.
One of her many talents.
Actually, she has some ideas for fixing up the place.
Oh, yeah? Are you gonna fix up the Riptide?
No, I just mentioned rearranging.
You should. Put your stamp on it. I'm not set in my ways.
Tell that to Christine.
"Somebody took my weed."
Okay. I'm sorry. I have to put my son out of his misery.
You're free to go.
Hey, buddy, take your plate with you.
We clean up after ourselves in this house.
Okay, back to my story.
Trent was it last summer that you and I got stuck on our boat?
That is because this bastard buys gas three dollars at a time!
Susanna, close the screen door!
I'm getting eaten alive by mosquitoes!
I don't like the way you're acting, young lady!
You wouldn't be this way if your dad was here!
Hey.
Sorry about that. I didn't...
I don't care.
It's not like we were using our inside voices.
That's cool. That's cool.
So, you're a big fan of REO Speedwagon?
What?
Can't Fight This Feeling?
Oh, no. My mom must have put that on there.
Oh, and you just got to it and thought,
"What the hell. I'm going to sing the shit out of it, anyway?"
Something like that.
Sucks here, huh?
It's okay.
It sucks.
No. Totally.
It blows.
So much.
It's tough, yeah.
All right.
It feels like it's going to be a hot summer.
Oh.
I thought we were done.
Oh.
I was just thinking about that earlier. The hot thing.
And it just came to me again.
So, I said it.
Okay.
Well, if anything else comes to you again,
I will be inside.
Are you kidding me?
They drank all the beer.
You're not looking in the right place.
Don't get mad at me, Peter. I don't know where you're looking!
Forget it! It's gone!
No, next time you say, "Look at the seagull,"
you just have to remember to point!
There goes one there now. "Look at the seagull, Mother.
"I wanna share it with you. Isn't it pretty?
"Look at the fence. Look at me! Look!"
Just point.
Lemonade?
Do you mind standing to the side?
I'm getting your reflection in the screen.
Sorry.
I wouldn't normally care, but I'm having the game of my life.
I'm on the cherry level.
But that's the first level.
Yeah, and I got one man left. So, like I said, it's the game of my life.
You like Pac Man?
What?
It's a classic!
Not into all the bells and whistles, my man.
Too much going on.
See, my mistake is that I get greedy.
Going for all the ghosts and fruits instead of just clearing pellets.
You know, there's a pattern. Right?
Oh, don't tell me you're one of those guys.
Takes all the challenge out of it. Anybody can learn a pattern.
Owen, we gotta go!
Come on. Lunch hour's over.
Well, so much for the game of my life.
But you still have one more man left.
No, I've yet to see the second board.
Gives me something to look forward to.
The board's always the same.
Well, there's that. Thank you. Now, I can die.
Here. Get in here.
No, I...
Come on, come on.
But, listen, it's still my quarter.
So, if you end up getting a high score, I don't want to see...
What's your name?
Duncan.
I don't want to see that up on the screen.
Oh, they only let you use three letters.
Nothing's left to the imagination with you, huh, kid?
Oh and hey!
No pattern on my quarter. Cut your own path.
There you are. We were just about to leave without you.
Where did you go off to?
Nowhere.
Let's leave notes, okay?
Your mom was worried.
You need to get your swim trunks on.
Kip and Joan have invited us out on their boat.
We're gonna be late.
Head's up, buddy.
You need to wear that.
I think he's gonna be all right without that.
No, Duncan can't swim.
Trent, he's just not a comfortable swimmer.
I really think he's gonna be okay without it.
No, just wear it. So people don't have to worry about you.
Yes, we're inviting ourselves. Accept it and move on.
Peter does have to stay down below though.
His eye throws off his equilibrium and he will get sick everywhere.
No, I won't, Mom!
Tell that to the bucket we have to bring!
Mom, why do I have to wear this? Nobody else does.
He just wants you to be safe.
Is that snug enough?
You know what? We take our shoes off.
Oh, God. Sorry.
Tell me this is gonna clear, Trent.
It's gonna clear.
My titties need some color.
Basically, he was relentless.
And don't get me wrong. I was looking.
I had been divorced for well over a year.
It just took a little persistence on my end.
I wasn't sure about you.
I met her when she was catering some Halloween party in Albany.
He went as a sexy cop.
Oh, God!
No. I went as a '70s, badass cop.
Oh, he followed me around all night,
saying that he was there to "protect and serve" me.
That about ended it right there for me.
Sadly, I would have been working his bag at that point.
However, I do remember.
You did let me help you pack your van at the end of the night.
-Yes, I did. -Yes, you did.
Then it took three months to get her to go out with me.
Three months?
I did not know you had that kind of stamina.
She definitely made me work for it.
But it was worth it.
There may be hope for you yet.
What finally changed your mind?
He said we were already in this together,
so I might as well.
It's been almost a year.
Yeah.
Duncan.
You guys, help yourselves.
Could you look a little more miserable?
Could he be even more of a dick?
Hey. He's making an effort.
He wants this to work. He wants us to be a family.
Yeah, he says that, but that's not what he does.
Look, I know this isn't easy, but you promised, remember?
You'd give it a try.
I don't understand why I can't just spend the summer with Dad.
Because you're with me.
Hey, buddy, the cooler's not going to get to the car by itself.
Good morning, sweetheart.
Do you want some breakfast?
No. I'm good.
Attention Water Wizz patrons.
Will the owner of a beige minivan with New York license plates
please move your vehicle? You're blocking someone else.
It's another hot one at Water Wizz.
Be sure to cool off at Salty Dog's Sugar Shack
with homemade ice cream.
And if you're looking to avoid the lines you can upgrade
with our "Wizz to the Front" Priority Pass.
Drop by the office for more details.
Let's all enjoy a wet and wonderful afternoon.
Hey, Pac Man kid!
How'd we do?
Nothing less than highest score I hope.
I've got a reputation to protect.
Hey.
Whenever's convenient for you, we are open for business.
Hey, Caitlin, I'm going on break.
Cool. I got a great idea.
Why not, I don't know,
put on some pants.
She's being coy.
But she digs me. Big time.
Just a thought. You know what? Scratch it.
Just like that's professional.
See what I did there?
I manipulated her with my sexual charisma.
Yeah.
Yeah. It was clever as shit.
Why don't you come down from your apartment
and actually manage this place?
Why don't you come on up here and we'll talk about politics?
Sweet ride.
Oh, it's not mine.
Yeah, I figured.
You were right, by the way.
It is a hot summer.
Yeah, I just call it like I see it.
I'm just waiting for my dad to call me back.
I don't want to be inside because my mom
just stares at me while I'm on the phone.
She's all freaked out
that I'm gonna want to live with him or whatever.
My mom's the same way.
See you.
So, let me know if you have any other observations
on weather patterns.
Will do.
I'll check and see if he's out front.
I wonder where he is.
Oh, he'll turn up.
Have you seen my flip-flops?
I thought we had a deal about leaving notes.
Checking in.
My mom and I do.
You worried her. Again.
I told her I'd wait up for you.
Well, I'm here.
Hey, Duncan?
I'm not interested in talking to the back of your head.
If we're going to make this work,
and it is "we,"
then there has to be trust. And respect. Am I right?
I think that's something we both want.
Fine.
There you go, buddy.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
What?
Yeah, you're going to have to take off. I'm getting complaints.
You're having too much fun. It's making everyone uncomfortable.
Okay.
Hey, hey! Whoa, whoa.
I'm just kidding.
Wow. That wasn't even my best stuff.
Are you for real?
I can tell you're in complete awe of our picnic table.
It is one-of-a-kind
except for the 200 other ones here that are exactly like it.
But there is more park to be seen.
First things first.
As much as I'm a fan of Tuff Skins,
we've got to get you a swimsuit.
Seriously, when's the last time you bought jeans?
My mom buys my jeans.
Good. Always take things literally.
How's that working out for you? Does that get you laid?
Lewis, hook up my man Duncan here
with one of our finest rentals would you?
Some kid threw up near Crazy Tubes.
Sexy. Let's try not to impress him all at once. Huh?
That will not be a challenge.
Lewis is kind of over this place.
I told you. I'm not long for here.
No, I remember that conversation.
In 2003, 5, 11, April.
Yesterday.
Can't eat that now. Your dirty mouth's been on it.
Germophobe.
I've just told you. There are things I want to do.
Prove it. Without thinking rattle off three. Go!
See New Mexico. Invent something.
Become a storm chaser.
You had me until number three.
I think you have to go to school for that.
"Look. There's a storm." "Where?" "Over there." "Cool."
"Let's go get it." "Got it."
He actually is.
He's been studying meteorology since pre-school.
Don't let the Dahmer glasses fool you.
These don't have any mesh, so you're going commando.
Watch sitting. Your junk will fall out.
Found that out the hard way at a birthday party.
And like that you're impressed. And grossed out.
Bye Lewis.
Bye.
Water Wizz Waterpark. Built in the summer of '83,
it's the last bastion of everything that time period stood for.
In fact, it was decreed by its creator
that this place shall never age.
On his deathbed, he said,
"I don't want this place re-painted or updated.
"I don't even want it brought up to code.
"And the minute someone tries, it needs to be destroyed."
We actually have a nuclear bomb for just such an occasion.
Bought it off the Russians.
Really? Still good with all that? Even the Russian thing?
That's Cold War. It's kind of dated.
All right, that was a waste of a bit.
Hey.
Some kid threw up near Crazy Tubes.
What? Why is this the first I'm hearing of this? Damn it, woman!
Caitlin, Duncan. Tony, Mary Beth.
Hi, Duncan. Also, I need you to reorder more mats.
Did it.
Finish the work schedule for next week.
Did it.
Change all the filters.
Done.
You know, I'm going to check all that stuff, right?
Then, in that case, I didn't do any of that.
So, I'm doing it.
It's called delegation. I read about it in a book about it.
That's the one you wait for, my man.
Oh, yeah.
She looked back. She likes me.
This is Devil's Peak. The largest waterslide in a 50-mile radius.
Stretch out the tube, end to end. 13 football fields.
Don't Google that for confirmation.
That fact predates technology.
Owen, settle a debate for us.
Hello, boys. Duncan, this is Vladimir, Ishmael, and Ming Lee.
Those aren't our names!
Those are the names I'm giving you, Vlady.
These are my illegitimate sons. They all have different mothers.
I'm trying to be a positive influence in their lives.
Take them to Little League, Boys Club, raising pandas to fight.
Shut up, jackass!
Cloud fencing, hooker retreats.
Neil says that years ago some kid figured out
how to pass someone on the water slide. Is that true?
He did!
It's physically impossible, Neil!
You can't catch up to someone and pass them!
Actually, Ming Lee's right. I was here when it happened.
All right, then how'd he do it?
It happened inside the tube. So, no one really knows.
Only the kid and the person he passed.
And Jesus Christ, our lord. But, he's a little hard to get a hold of.
He won't return my calls.
We wore the same shirt to a party and it got a little weird.
Be serious!
Don't interrupt him, Neil! He's talking!
Guys, what happens in the tube stays in the tube.
That's just the law of the park.
Bullshit. We'll just ask the kid how he did it.
Be my guest if you can find him.
Last I heard he went into a deep depression.
The fame was too much.
He turned to cocaine to escape the limelight.
And eventually, a life of male prostitution.
Oh, no. Wait. There he is. You got sober. You look good.
Good for you!
Screw you, Owen!
Yeah, screw you, Owen.
I just said that, Neil!
I'm being supportive!
Actually, that crack-addled male whore was me.
Really?
Wow!
Do you get comedy?
So, did he pass him by sliding up the side of the tube?
I'm not telling you.
But I want to know!
That's a good thing. Don't die wondering.
All right, Hot Rod, what's happening?
Some kid threw up near Crazy Tubes.
Wow! Pointless news travels fast.
Can I get a special ride "with benefits" for my man, Duncan?
Yeah, hold on.
This slide's out of order.
Watch this.
Yeah, you gotta use the other one.
Actually, you know what? I think it's back in order. Okay.
Come on, step up, please.
Okay. Hold on.
Just hold there for a sec.
Hold.
This guy's an artist. Watch and learn.
And you are holding.
Still holding.
All right, I think we're all set to hold a little bit longer.
Okay, step back a little bit. Okay, step forward.
Okay, stay there. Step back. And hold.
Okay.
Look at him. It's gorgeous.
Just about ready to hold.
Okay and go.
Okay, go, go, go!
Put your mat down.
Oh, excuse me. I'm truly sorry. I can't get my footing.
Owen, come on!
Oh, no! It looks like you lost something.
You just had to take it too far.
Too far!
Happy Fourth of July everyone. In honor of America's birthday,
the park will be closing early.
But our doors reopen at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow.
Be sure to bring back your tickets stubs
to receive five dollars off an all-day park pass.
Have a safe and festive holiday from all of us at Water Wizz.
Hey. What's up, cowboy? You want a ride?
No, thanks. I've got my bike.
Where are you staying?
Over by the beach, on Hampton.
That's far. And, people drive like idiots on the Fourth.
Throw your bike in the back.
No. You don't have to.
Come on.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
No, it's too much trouble.
Duncan we've got to start having faster conversations.
Throw your bike in the back.
I'd help you out but I got my hands on the wheel.
Giving you a ride. I think that's enough.
Where'd you get that? The princess collection.
Hey, easy, easy!
The car's just the right amount of shitty.
So, what brought you to the water park?
Not many kids head our way when the ocean's their backyard.
I don't know. I guess there's not much for me at home.
How long have you been working there?
Oh! The park? I've always been there.
Ever since I was a small Cambodian child.
Of course, that was after 'Nam. I was in the shit.
Then I joined the circus to become a clown fighter.
I know about 46 ways to kill a clown. I hate clowns.
I'm kidding except for the part where I really do hate them.
Nice teamwork.
I'm exhausted.
Thanks for the ride.
Hey, thanks for the memories.
Hey, Evel Knievel.
You're probably busy or not interested,
but I need somebody to be a floater at the park.
You know, do some odd jobs, clean up some vomit.
What do you think?
Definitely. Awesome. Yeah.
If it's too much trouble, you totally don't have to, but...
If you need someone...
Duncan.
Yes.
There you go. Tomorrow. 9:00 a.m.
Who was that you were with?
Just a friend.
A friend who drives?
Mom.
What's his name?
Owen.
And how do you know him?
Mom, he's just a friend.
A friend with a license?
Well, you should bring him by.
Okay? I'd like to meet him.
Fine.
Whoa. I'm not done.
We don't stay out all night and disappear all day.
Do you understand me?
I could say the same to you.
What?
I want you to make an appearance at Betty's.
Okay.
I'm serious.
Okay!
Susanna! Susanna! We're hanging over here.
Come on. Grab a cup, we're playing quarters!
Maybe in a minute.
This is empty. And, that's just not right.
Hey, Duncan.
You should hang out with Peter.
He's playing under one of these tables.
-Peter! -What?
There you go.
Do you want me to make you a plate of food?
No, I can do it.
Be sure to get some clams. They were all my doing this year.
Bring your food over here and eat with me, okay?
Okay.
Charlie, don't do your "Dead" dance so close to the fire!
I don't need my first born bursting into flames at my party.
What's up, Peter?
Hey, man.
How's the battle going?
Luke and Leia are hooking up.
You know they're brother and sister, right?
Yeah.
Cool.
I'd avoid the clams if I were you.
They're one of the many casualties of my father's absence.
Just because your mom will see my plate.
It's your funeral.
Oh, Charlie!
Looks like my brother just made another sale.
We'll be right back.
Hey. Peter.
Yeah.
You want to go chase ghost crabs?
Oh, hell, yeah!
Duncan? Any interest?
Yeah. Sure.
When I was younger,
my dad used to bring me down here to do this all the time.
He'd fill my head with all these useless facts about ghost crabs.
Like, did you know they're omnivorous?
Basically, they eat both animals and vegetables.
My mom jokes, "Leave it to your dad
"to be interested in a creature that goes both ways."
So, do you want me to keep talking
or are you going to say something eventually?
My mom doesn't smoke pot.
That's the power of this place. It's like spring break for adults.
That's what I think really kills my mom.
Not that my dad left,
but that he's got someone and she doesn't.
So, is your dad seeing anybody?
Yeah, she's a lot younger.
Classic.
They're just getting situated in San Diego.
You know? New place.
So, he says it's not a great time right now.
But I'm going to go visit him soon
once he gets settled.
It's supposed to be awesome out there.
California. That's cool.
Yeah.
So, where is it you go?
Go where?
On your sexy, pink cruiser?
Nowhere.
Oh. I see.
No, I... I just...
It's okay. Let it be yours.
Good night.
Yeah, good night.
Oh, I see.
Just not this summer?
Who cares?
We're never gonna die.
You were gone that whole time
and you only brought the marshmallows?
Joan has the rest.
I can't get up!
Here you go.
Don't let them burn.
I know I keep asking you.
But when do we get new employee T-shirts?
Two years from yesterday.
'Cause this one makes me self-conscious about my body.
You disappoint me, kid.
You're late! You planning on making a habit of this?
What?
You're fired.
But I just...
You make a valid point. Welcome back. With benefits.
You waste an exorbitant amount of time. Do you know that?
Suit up.
You don't look too pumped.
Come on, let's get pumped!
This is the place where dreams are made
Or destroyed
Depends on how you feel about working at a water park
We have a situation over at Harpoon Lagoon.
Is it a homicide?
Yeah. It's a homicide.
I knew this day would come.
I'm gonna stay here
in the booth no one comes to.
Oh. No blood?
They grabbed some cardboard from the snack shack
and started going to town.
Mostly B-boying. Power, Abstract, Blowup, Flavor.
Mad moves though.
Jackhammer, Applejacks, Coin drops,
rubber bands, Turtles, 1990s.
Any Jookin'? Buckin'?
No. Not this far from Memphis.
Someone needs to get in there and take their cardboard away.
It's getting too congested.
You heard the lady.
No. I...
No. Owen. You've gotta do this.
Duncan's gonna take care of it. He's got it. Aren't you?
But it's my first day.
But it's your first day? Worst-case scenario.
They beat you up and you're horribly disfigured.
Hey. Look at me.
You've got your shirt on now. You're official.
They're gonna listen to you.
I'll be right here. I'll step in.
What the hell!
I gotta take your cardboard.
What did you say?
I gotta take your cardboard.
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
You know what? Show us your moves.
You want the cardboard? Then show us your moves.
But I don't... I can't...
Come on.
Let's see what you got.
Okay. Okay. That's enough.
Go ahead. You can take the cardboard.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. I don't think so.
We are not done here.
You need to show me what you got. Let's get down.
Do what I do.
Nice.
Hey, hey, hey! Spin on your head!
Look at that.
Stick it, man! Stick it!
Nice moves, Pop 'n Lock.
The man's got some soul.
You got lucky.
Hey. Where have you been?
Nowhere.
That's a long time to be nowhere.
Well, that's where I was.
Sorry, this slide's out of order.
It's back in order now.
Hold there.
Hold.
Shane.
Hot Rod.
Pop 'n Lock!
Go ahead.
Hold on.
Okay, go ahead.
Hold please.
Okay, go ahead.
Hold.
Now!
What happened?
I'm sorry. They rushed me.
They said it was for the good of science.
Hey! Are you guys okay?
No! We're not okay, dumbass! We're stuck!
Did he just call me a dumbass?
Yeah.
Not sure how I'm the dumbass in this scenario.
I told you we shouldn't all go at the same time!
I thought it would work!
Shut up, Neil! Shut up! Neil!
Okay, listen up!
I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night.
He's gotta be strong.
And he's gotta be fast.
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.
Anybody? Footloose? Bonnie Tyler song?
Kevin Bacon drives a tractor in a game of chicken?
Nothing?
Wow.
How about the remake? Anybody see the remake?
I need someone to throw himself down the tube
and knock some kids loose. Anybody? Any volunteers?
I'll do it.
Great! Come on up here.
The rest of you,
you're all dead to me.
Hey. What's your name?
Malcolm.
We're gonna have to get you going fast there, Mack.
I got this.
Owen, I don't know if that's a good idea.
What if we just turn off the water? They could get their footing.
Let's call that Plan B.
Guys, I'm not going to lie to you. This is probably going to hurt.
What's going to hurt who?
One.
Two.
Remember you signed a waiver. You can't sue us.
Three!
What's happening?
I can't see!
Oh, my God! Vladimir. Ishmael, Ming Lee! I thought I lost you!
Thank God you're alive.
That was awesome!
You survived.
Whoa. Whoa. We aren't done with this now. Thank you.
Gentlemen, no! No!
What are you doing?
Having fun. It's all good. Nobody got hurt.
It's not all good! You can't do that.
That is the reason that places like this get shut down.
Is it me or is she very sexy right now?
She's certainly got my attention.
You're an impressive man.
I want to be you when I grow up.
I get so tired of this guy. Aren't you tired?
Aren't you sick of yourself?
I'm sick of it! I'm sick of who I am around you.
I'm sick of having to be this person. I'm not this person.
I'm just messing around with you.
No!
That's why this doesn't happen.
This is just a job now.
I wish this wasn't just a job.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...
It's okay. It's my fault.
Don't worry about it.
The soup needs a little longer.
There's a 1:30 and a 3:30. We could see one of those.
Let's stay in. Do something we can all do together. As a family.
We can see a movie as a family.
We could grab Kip and Joan and make an evening out of it.
I don't feel like hanging out with Kip and Joan.
I feel like hanging out with all of you.
Okay.
It says appropriate for people four to eight.
So, we're good.
What color gingerbread character do you want to be? Trent?
Surprise me.
I have to be yellow!
Oh, look, you can take the shortcut there.
No. He can't do that.
Yes, he can. He crosses the bridge.
This is so stupid.
No, you're at the shortcut. So, take it.
Okay. Hold on, hold on. Okay. Here we go.
"Shortcuts. If your playing piece lands by exact count
"on the purple space below Gumdrop Pass,
"then you can take the shortcut."
"Exact count."
He picked a card with a blue square
so he has to go to the blue square.
I don't think it matters.
If it didn't matter, they wouldn't put it in the directions.
We can fudge the rule.
If you're gonna play this way, then, I'm just going like that.
All the way past Molasses Swamp and I win.
No rules. I win the game.
Fine. We'll play the way you're supposed to play.
Duncan, move back to your correct place.
Why don't we just play by the rules?
And then everybody's gonna be happy. Okay?
I already did.
Great.
Now, take my turn. I'm going to set the table for lunch.
No. Wait. You have to do it.
Duncan can move for me.
No. You're the one who wanted to play. So play your turn.
Purple.
It's two.
You have to move two purple squares.
Sorry.
There.
And I've landed by exact count, at the shortcut
so, I am going to take the Gumdrop Mountain Pass.
See? You're way ahead now.
It's Candy Land, Trent.
It's your turn, Steph.
It's fucking Candy Land!
Hey.
What are you doing here? It's your day off.
I figured it rained yesterday, so I thought I could make it up.
Why are you?
Thought I'd open the place up. See what all the fuss is about.
Your shirt's inside out.
Come on, how sexy does authority look on me?
Yeah. You love it.
So you thought you'd just open up?
What're you? Some kind of wise guy?
I'm still your superior. A cup of coffee in my hand.
Two minutes.
Okay.
We don't sell coffee. Burn!
Yeah, we do.
Says you.
And by the way, we put the chairs in rows.
I know that.
It's a ten-step process.
So, this is where you run off to?
Hey.
What are you doing here?
I followed you earlier. Then went and got my stuff.
What happened to "let it be yours?"
I held out as long as I could.
It's on.
It's way on.
Duncan.
Does your mom know that you work here?
No.
Nice.
Report to the Administrative Offices International.
Duncan, please report
to the Administrative Offices International.
I have to have to announce it over the PA
as my voice won't carry that far.
My throat suffered major damage
during an intense make-out session with Lewis' mom.
She has a forked tongue and a touch of the herpes.
I don't have a mom. I have two dads. In your face.
Hold on a second.
Please. Hurry up. This is pressing, pressing. Urgent.
I can't tell you how pressing. You can't fathom how pressing.
How's it going? What's up? Did you need something?
No.
Who's that, big guy?
Just a girl.
You stallion, you.
I don't know. She's older than me.
So what are you doing over here talking to us
and not over there, sealing the deal with that cougar?
Well, maybe, Roddy, if you guys hadn't called me over here.
Return to your lady friend.
Duncan, please return to your lady friend.
Please let her know
that this conversation was entirely about her.
In other news, this is very awkward for you.
Water Wizz Waterpark. It was built in the summer of '83.
The creator never wanted the place to change.
So, on his deathbed, he says,
"I don't want this place to be up to date or repaired.
"I don't even want it brought up to code.
"The minute someone tries, it needs to be destroyed."
Huh. I didn't get that joke quite as fast.
Hey, Pop 'n Lock.
That you?
Don't worry about it.
Thanks a lot for ditching me, bitch.
I wasn't aware we had plans.
I wasn't aware that you two had plans.
I'm sorry.
Look. I have got a ton of stuff going on in my life right now.
So, it would have been nice to have a friend.
Dinner's almost ready.
Bye.
See you.
No use in waiting. Let's eat.
How's Chad, Steph?
We broke up.
I'm sorry.
What do you want me to say? Pam?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
It got late. I didn't call 'cause I didn't want to wake you up.
Just tell me.
What?
If there's something I should know.
I was with Kip on his boat all day. We lost track of the time.
Don't make me feel crazy. I've been through this before.
No. Just stop.
Stop it. Okay? I'm right here.
Always have been.
We're in this together. Remember?
Good morning.
I hope you're hungry. I've already made too many pancakes.
Where was he?
He was with Kip. But he's here now.
Good morning, buddy.
Hey, hey, hey. We don't say good morning?
Welcome home.
How about this spread, huh?
How did Joan find the time to order take-out?
And if there's one thing that travels really well, it's fried food.
I must get Joan's recipe for Big Daddy's menu.
Touch茅.
Hey. Is everyone having a good time?
I see you got your food.
Pam, I don't know what I was thinking.
I should have had you cater the party.
Well, at least this way, you'll have lots of leftovers.
New look?
No, I just have...
I always do this.
Mr. Ramsey, you have been avoiding me all night.
I'm not having it. Not tonight.
Oh, no.
Out on the dance floor. Come on. You know you want to.
Don't look so glum, everybody.
All right. I'll be back.
Joan found herself a victim, huh?
Kip, I expect to be inviting myself on your boat again.
And when should I plan on doing that?
I would like nothing more than to get you on my boat in a bikini.
But the motor's out.
What?
Yeah, the motor's out and its' been out for a week.
And it's gonna be another week until I get the parts.
Well, that doesn't fit my schedule.
I'm just...
How much more do you need?
Do something, Mom!
You know what's happening.
He's sleeping with her. Do something about it!
Duncan.
Yeah, that's it! Walk away!
It's easier!
It's right in front of your face, Mom!
Let go of me! I'm not talking to you.
Well, I'm talking to you.
Just go screw her, asshole! You already have!
She's certainly not going to do anything about it. Are you, Mom?
You don't know what you're talking about.
Everybody knows what I'm talking about!
Really?
Both of you! Stop it! Duncan!
Fine!
You don't want to do anything about it? It's your life.
It's not mine.
I want to be with Dad!
Duncan.
Your father? Good luck with that.
Hey, Trent, don't.
He doesn't want you, kid.
Is that true?
Duncan...
I told you it sucks here.
I talked to my dad today.
I told him that we had chased ghost crabs.
It made him very happy.
I felt like he was here.
"Did you tell him about the eyes, Susanna?
"You've got to tell him about their eyes!"
He gets so excited.
See, their eyes can rotate 360 degrees.
They can see everything that's around them.
But they can't look straight up.
Which makes it easy for birds to attack them.
So they have to gather their food at night for safety.
I don't know. My dad finds it cool.
He's a dork.
Wait.
Duncan.
I'm sorry.
Hey, it didn't mean anything.
It was just a mistake. A stupid mistake.
God! I'm such an asshole!
Pam. Listen.
You deserve better. I know that.
I have to be better.
I'm gonna be better for you.
And for Duncan.
Hey, what's up? Where are you going?
Shut up, Peter.
Duncan?
Take me with you.
No.
-Please! -No.
Duncan.
I'll scream.
I got it.
Or, you could just use the gate.
All right, everybody, be cool.
Our boss is here with his pirate friend.
Hell, yeah. I could use a cleansing ale.
Or check them out from afar.
I've had a beer before.
And I've spent a night in jail before.
But there's a limit to everything.
Who's your friend?
Peter.
Nice eye patch.
Thanks.
You don't sound too cool with it.
My mom makes me wear it. She says my eye confuses people.
Well now you gotta show me.
Look at that thing! She wants you to hide that?
Is she insane?
I'd kill to have that eye.
You're full of shit.
Seriously. You know how many bits I could do with that?
Daring people to look me straight in the eye?
That thing is awesome.
You mind if I mingle?
Sure. But keep your hands in your pockets.
You look a little shady to me.
I'll circle back.
Got a lot of confidence.
Hey, man. What's up?
So you're having a party?
Yeah, we're having a farewell for Lewis.
I think he's serious this time.
Did you want to talk to me?
No, I just wanted to hang out.
All right.
How about we say you hang out for a little bit? Okay?
I'm sure you'll be wanted at home at some point. You're a popular guy.
Owen, you shouldn't have.
I went to three different places in the water park to find that.
You can use it to catch thunderclouds.
Turn the music down.
We need to hear a few parting words from our guest of honor.
Oh, no.
- Yes. - No thank you.
I don't want to open myself up to some bit.
You want to be part of a tradition?
There's no bit here. We're going to miss you.
Plain and simple.
I'm gonna have to sit for this.
No. You don't know where this has been.
Well, I won't say that I won't miss some aspects of this place.
It wasn't completely void of decent times.
I remember a couple of days that were almost memorable.
I guess if there's one thing I will miss dearly, it's...
Oh, my God!
What the hell, man?
It's part of our tradition.
What kind of warped tradition is that?
Lewis was pouring his heart out!
I was going to say people. I'll miss the people.
Oh, my God! Not you, Roddy!
Seriously! My doctor said not to get water on my face!
Oh, my God!
The only thing that could make this worse
is if there were more squirt guns.
And there are!
You jerk.
That better be water.
It's a fun night.
Yeah.
I'm sorry. I'm developmentally challenged. Like bad.
Nightmarey, special episode bad. I'm sorry.
It's all right. I was...
I was a little frustrated.
I just planned on being here one summer, and now it's three years.
It had a lot to do with you.
I just don't want to look back and regret
that it should have only been one summer.
You won't.
You were right.
We do sell coffee.
I said you could hang out for a little bit
but sunrise of the next day is where I have to draw the line.
You gotta go home.
I wish I could stay here forever.
You're going to love the winters. They're pretty spectacular.
Painting houses until it gets too cold,
bar backing at some dive, talking to inanimate objects.
I'm serious.
Yeah. So am I.
There's a whole world out there for you, Duncan.
Don't settle.
Not yet.
I don't have anywhere else to go.
Yeah?
I bet that's not true.
This is the only place I'm happy.
What's going on?
I hate him.
Who?
Trent. My mom's boyfriend.
He said I was a three.
He asked me what I thought I was on a scale from one to ten.
He called me a three.
Who says that to somebody?
Somebody who doesn't know you.
I didn't want to have to answer! I shouldn't have to answer!
Listen to me. That's about him, man. That's all about him.
It's got nothing to do with you.
Yeah? How do you know?
'Cause I know. Okay? Don't worry about how I know.
My dad was the same way.
That's why I don't like patterns and rules.
And that's why you can't buy into that shit.
You gotta go your own way.
And you, my friend, are going your own way.
Mom, they're home!
See you.
Where the hell have you been all night, young man!
Not now, woman.
What did you say to me?
We'll talk when I get up. All right?
Who are you talking to, buddy? Don't you walk away from me!
Pam, he's here.
Where's your eye patch?
Lost it!
We were worried about you, buddy.
Listen. Let's just forget about last night. All right?
Start over. A clean slate.
Sound good to you, buddy?
I hope you're happy now.
What's going on?
We're leaving. I need you to get your stuff.
Mom, I'm sorry.
I know.
Me too.
But, why do you and I have to go? The summer's not over.
Duncan.
We can stay somewhere else. I don't understand.
We want to leave early, so that's what we're doing!
So, we're going with them?
I don't expect you to understand.
You're 14.
And, I know that means you think you know everything, but...
We do things.
We do things to
protect ourselves. Because we're...
We're scared.
We're leaving with them.
All right. We are good to go.
Thank you.
I think you are great.
You are.
So, I guess. We're leaving.
Goodbye.
You just surprised me, that's all.
What are you staring at, perv?
Duncan!
Pam!
We're leaving!
What?
I came to say goodbye. Come on.
I'm doing it, Hot Rod. I'm gonna pass him.
What?
Duncan, what's going on?
Pop 'n Lock's going for it!
He's gonna try to pass Owen on the slide!
Attention Water Wizz patrons. Although I don't condone it,
apparently, our fellow employee, Pop 'n Lock
is attempting to pass someone on Devil's Peak.
Of course, at his own risk, at no liability for us.
That said. I plan to watch.
What are we doing?
-Where are we going? -I don't know.
So, how are you planning to do it?
I don't know.
What makes you think you can?
Don't die wondering, man.
All right, you go first. I'll follow right behind you.
This is my good shirt. Don't steal it.
One...
Two...
Three...
Go!
How'd you do it?
Can't tell you. That's a secret.
Ladies and gentlemen, the first person
to ever pass someone on the water slide!
Mom.
This is Owen, my friend who can drive.
Owen, this is my mom.
This is your mom?
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
You've got a hell of a kid here.
Hell of a kid.
Are we done?
You must be Trent.
I'm Owen, a good friend of "the three."
Come on. Let's go.
I'll be in the car.
Hey, Mom, can you give us a minute?
Mom?
Oh, yeah.
Of course.
Bye, Roddy.
Pop 'n Lock.
Bye, Caitlin.
Take care, Duncan. We're gonna miss you.
Yes, I'm still here. Bye.
Goodbye, Lewis.
Bye.
Bye, Lewis.
Well,
faster conversations.
Thank you.
For everything.
Hey, come on.
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