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Hey, Jerry.
Hey, Mr. Kowalski.
Call me Dennis. It's okay.
Just wanted to say we're very pleased.
You're doing a great job.
Thank you, Mr. Kowalski.
That's what I told that lady from the courts.
"A great job," I said. She's your lawyer?
She's a court-appointed psychiatrist, Dennis.
- Thank you for... thank you for saying that. - No problem.
So, Jerry, the thing is, is Milton Fixtures every year
has the company party, a barbecue.
- Okay. - And we get one representative from each department
to help put it on, usually the new guy.
And the new guy in Shipping is you.
So, you...
want me to help plan the party?
It's voluntary, off the clock.
There will be others, too.
Someone from Sales, a guy from Design,
that cute English chick in Accounting, Fiona.
- You wanna do it? - Yes, I do! Of course I do.
- Thank you. - Cool.
First meeting is tomorrow night at 5:00.
Yeah, I wanna get it on. I wanna get it on.
The company buys pizza and beer.
Okay, I'm in. Thank you, Dennis.
- It'll be fun. - Thank you, Dennis.
Okay, okay.
Bosco!
Who's my guy? Who's my guy?
Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?
You're a good boy!
What you doin', Jerry?
Something for work.
Those assholes give you homework now?
Trying on a shirt for tomorrow.
- They got something that they want me to do. - A shirt?
- Shouldn't that be a straitjacket? - Shut up.
You act like they're doing you a favor to let you work there,
like they should be able to fuck you in the ass
without lube whenever they want,
like some big privilege,
letting you work for free on their picnic.
How do you know about the picnic?
- I know everything, Jerry. - I'm not talking to you.
They'll mock you the second you leave the room, Jerry.
You're an unstable crybaby.
I'm not a crybaby.
You're crying right now, liar.
Come on.
The only reason they don't fire your ass
is because you're so hopelessly pathetic,
- you amuse them. - Shut up!
Before we break up here, I wanna go over
the assignments.
We're... we're just gonna go around the table, okay?
Can your comment wait?
I just wanna say that the picnic
is gonna be a good place to reach out
and form relationships with other people.
Duly noted, Jerry.
We all wanna get out of here, so...
John, you'll be setting up the barbecue grills
in the parking lot, Dave's bringing drinks,
Sheryl's providing decorations,
and Fiona's doing the music.
- Any questions? - Oh, yeah.
I've got an idea while we were sitting here.
You know the office corridor?
I thought it would be the perfect place for a conga line.
Mmm, like at a wedding?
Or a cruise ship.
It's really easy. Anyone can conga.
I'll set my head on fire before I conga.
Men are afraid to dance. The male ego is too fragile.
I'm not afraid. I'm a man.
I think it sounds real fun.
Thanks, Jerry.
Well, it's not the coolest thing in the world,
but we're talking about a party in a toilet factory, after all.
Okay, it's settled. We'll go with the conga line.
Moving on. Jerry?
I'm setting up the P.A. system tomorrow,
so if everything works out, I'm good to go.
And, uh, I thank you all.
And my extension in Shipping is 5-1865.
- No. Dave, go screw yourself.
Sheryl, Dave, come on. We're done here.
We'll see you all at the picnic.
Anyone who wants the leftover pizza,
please take it.
- Bye. - Bye.
Hey, do you want any of this pizza, John?
Cold pizza? No, thank you.
Oh, free pizza.
What's better than free pizza?
Lots of things. Sushi, for example.
I don't know. That's like raw fish, right?
No.
It's perfectly cooked rice seasoned by a master chef
on top of which he places specially selected slices
of the highest quality, line-caught ocean fish.
Raw fish. Gross.
You should stick to fast food.
- Jerry? - Hey, Fiona.
Hey.
Can your sound system play music from an iPod?
I think so, yeah.
Cool, it's a plan. See ya.
How are you doing, Jerry?
Oh, uh, very well, thank you.
Excellent, yeah.
Do tell.
Well, uh...
they like me at work.
- You're a likeable man. - We're having a...
a what do you call it... a picnic,
and they asked me to help out on it.
I was afraid to say yes...
and then I said yes.
- And? - Um...
and now I'm setting up the sound system.
That's wonderful news.
You're becoming part of something.
Any side effects with the meds?
I don't know.
- Are you taking them? - I don't know.
You have to take them.
Okay.
Any thoughts of suicide?
No, none.
Do you ever hear voices?
Mm, voices? No.
I mean...
when someone's talking to me.
You hesitated a little bit there.
It just makes me think of my mother.
Angels was what she called her voices.
Yeah.
Angels were her coping strategy.
The voices were real to her.
Angels were a reasonable attempt
to craft a logical explanation.
I know. I know that. Yeah, I know.
She was the best mother that she knew how to be, you know?
Right, exactly.
Do you have any questions for me, Jerry?
Oh, yeah. I got a big one for you.
- Okay.
There's a girl.
I like her.
Go on.
I don't know how much to tell her,
you know, about you and this and my mom and stuff.
And?
I don't wanna scare her away.
But I don't wanna lie to her, either.
I'm thinking that if the subject comes up, um...
I'll just tell her.
But if it doesn't, I'll just leave it be.
You answered your own question, Jerry.
Why are you smiling?
We're gonna conga tomorrow.
- Conga? - Yeah.
You know, like at a wedding.
It's gonna be amazing.
Conga?
Hey, buddy!
Oh, Bosco, what a day! What a day!
I wish you could've been there!
Did you fuck the bitch?
I don't have to answer that.
And you'll never fuck her either, because you disgust her.
- Shush! - Yeah, shut up, cat.
- She's from England, - Jerry.
In her eyes, you're a ridiculous peasant.
Oh, oh, yeah. Guess what.
I'm not a peasant, Mr. Whiskers. Hmm?
I'm thinking that this is a real good time for a walk, Jerry.
I think that's a fantastic idea.
You're out your league.
She drinks tea in carriages and fucks men
- Not Jerry Hickfang.
- Go choke on a hairball. - Cat hater.
Come on, Bosco. Let's go, buddy.
Come on.
Okay, I'll tone it down a little bit.
You have the greatest hair, Tom.
In the back. It's awesome.
- Shift's over, Jer.
- Jerry. - Hi.
Fiona.
You said I should come by Accounting sometime.
- I did? - Yeah.
When we were getting ready for the picnic.
No, I-I don't recall saying that.
Hi, Jerry. I'm Lisa.
Accounts Receivable.
Jerry. Packing and Shipping.
Some of the Accounting chicks
are going out for a couple of drinks
if you wanna pack and ship out with us.
Oh, yeah. That sounds... yeah.
- Let's go. - Yeah, let's go.
Okay.
Ugh.
So he looks me in the eye and he says,
"Let's move to America, Fi. Let's get married."
So, after I've sold everything and moved,
that's when the knobhead decides that he's not the marrying type.
Aw.
Yeah, six months later, he marries Jill.
Now they've got three kids and I'm stuck in this stupid temp job.
I think it's time to move back home.
I know karate.
Thanks for coming out, Jerry.
It's cool.
Do you want my last Krunchy Choo-Choo?
- I only had a bite. - Yeah, sure.
Hey, can you give me a ride to my car?
Or, just home, you know.
- Sorry. - Um...
You're giving a ride to Fiona.
No, no, no, no, no. It's okay, Jerry. I've got a lift.
- So... - I don't mind, Fi.
I'd love to, uh, give you a ride.
Okay.
So, you...
you're... okay.
I can just get a cab.
- What are you doing this weekend? - I was hoping on...
There's this cool Chinese restaurant that I wanted take you to.
- Shi Shan. - Chinese?
Yeah, but it's more than just egg rolls and fortune cookies.
- Do you wanna go? - When?
On Friday night. I'll pick you up after work.
No, it's... it's all right. I don't need a lift.
Or just meet there, then?
The show starts at 7:00.
There's a show?
A show, yes. More than just a show.
The best spectacle in the world.
- You'll love it. - Wow.
- Prepare to be amazed. - Okay. Cool.
I'll get there early. I'll save you a seat.
- All right. - All right.
All right. Thanks for the ride, Jerry.
All right. No problem, Fiona.
Have a good night.
Got a date
with Fiona on Friday night from England.
Well, fuck me.
I'm an asshole.
I apologize, man. You were right.
Cat food's in the kitchen, Jer, and I can't open the can.
- I don't have thumbs.
Who's my good boy?
- Hey, Jerry. - Hey, Lisa.
- Hey... - Alison.
- What's up? - Where's Fiona?
She just left. Do you have something for her?
Yeah, she needs this address.
Shi Shan.
It's the restaurant where we're gonna meet.
We'll make sure she gets it.
- Is there anything else? - No.
Make sure she gets that, okay? It's important.
- Yeah, we'll make sure. - Okay.
- Is he gone? - Yeah, he's gone.
What is this about?
Oh, it's this Chinese restaurant.
I said I might meet him over there.
Well, no. You can't.
Tonight's karaoke.
Oh, yeah. Karaoke.
Well, just call him and tell him you can't make it.
No, I don't want to upset him.
I'll wait until the office closes
and then I'll leave a message on voicemail.
You're a real sweetheart, Fiona.
Whaa!
Hey, fish.
"Hi, Jerry.
How you doing, man?"
Well, I'm a little bit bummed.
"No duh.
She stood you up."
I'm sure there's a reason.
"I sure hope so.
I wish I could help you, Jerry, but I'm just a fish."
Oh.
- Oh, Jesus. - Have you seen Alison?
- No. I think she's gonna keep going, actually. - Oh, shit!
- Oh, no. - Now my phone's fucked.
- Oh... - No, that's all right.
I was gonna walk back to the plant...
Oh, no. I'll give you a ride.
- Yeah. - Thank you! You're the best!
- Okay, you ready? - Okay.
- Go!
You okay? - Yeah.
It's so horrible!
Ahh! It's like being in England again.
You want me to wait?
- No. - Have a good night.
Ugh.
Bloody hell!
Ugh.
Shit!
Ahh!
Jerry!
Fiona?
Jerry.
- Ohh. - Fiona, you're soaked.
- Get in. - Wow.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
What are you doing out here?
I was listening to music.
I-I went to Shi Shan.
I didn't see you there.
Didn't you get my message?
No. No.
- No. - I'm so sorry, Jerry.
Well, you, uh...
need a hot chocolate or something?
I suppose I owe you, don't I?
Go on, then. I'm freezing.
I... you're sitting on a blanket.
- Oh.
Don't stare, Jerry.
- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. - It's all right.
- I'm really sorry. - It's not the end of the world, Jerry.
Oh...
God, I'm starving.
Let's get something to eat.
I got crackers in the glove box.
Oh, no.
We need something horrible and greasy tonight.
- Do you know Doran's? - Uh-uh.
You're gonna love it.
It's this terrible, cheap,
all-night burger joint out by the county line.
- We go. - And you wanna go there tonight?
Yes and yes!
Full steam ahead, Captain.
- And don't spare the chili. - Yeah, all right.
You know, they say a lot of things about you up in Accounting.
Like what?
Well, that arty chick Lisa, she thinks you're hot.
And everybody else, we just wonder where you're from.
Oh, my family moved here from Berlin when I was seven.
You know, a kid's gotta go where his parents take him.
I don't even have that excuse.
Why do you live here, then?
Oh, God. Well, if you find out, call me.
- Hm. - No, sorry.
No, that came out wrong. I'm sorry.
You don't like Milton?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's nice.
You know, the people are friendly. It's pretty.
No. High school football and karaoke bars isn't enough.
I'm bored.
Insanely bored.
You like heaven better, huh?
Heaven?
- What? - Where you're from.
Heaven?
Hardly. No, I'm from Reading.
Reading is a lot closer to hell.
Oh.
You like trivia?
- Yes. Why? - I got a good one.
Okay, there's tons of angels in the Bible,
but only four of them have names,
three of which are Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel.
Who's the fourth?
You're not getting all religious on me, are you, Jerry?
No, I... this... this is fun.
Come on, guess. Who's the fourth?
I don't know. Freddy the Angel.
No. Not Freddy. You know this.
You know his name, I promise you.
You're forgetting one thing.
You're forgetting that he's an angel.
Jerry, kill me. I wanna die.
Take your knife and cut my throat.
- Don't worry, - I'll help you.
What?
No, no, Jerry!
- No! Don't! - I gotta do it. I gotta do it.
Oh, my God.
The fourth angel is Lucifer.
What?
Lucifer is an angel that, uh... a fallen angel.
Fio... Fiona.
Fiona!
He asked me to do it.
Fiona, don't run.
You'll get lost.
- Ah! - Fiona!
- - Ah!
Oh, I don't know how that happened.
I'm sorry if I hurt you.
Oh...
- You... you're in pain?
You're suffering?
- I love you.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Hi, Jer. - Not now, buddy.
What the hell you been doing?
It's okay, Bosco.
Pretty bad situation, buddy.
I know.
Maybe the best thing to do is just, um,
go to the cops and explain everything.
- Just tell them what happened? - Mmm, yeah.
I think you're right.
Be good to get it off my chest.
If I wait, it'll be a million times worse.
Thanks, Bosco.
You are both so fucking naive.
You go to the cops and you say,
"Hey, man, I accidentally stabbed that English chick.
Oh, oh, oh."
You think they'll all nod and understand
the way your stupid dog does?
- I don't know. - Well, I do know.
where tattooed meth addicts will buttfuck you daily
for 15 years to life.
You're a good man who made a mistake.
Nobody is gonna rape you, Jerry.
But he did mean to do it.
- No. - Not the deer.
That was an accident. I'm talking about the girl.
- You wanted to kill her. - Never.
Why'd you take the knife, then?
Oh, my God.
- I'm evil. - No, you're not.
I've killed things on purpose, Jerry.
There's no shame in it. It's instinct.
The only time I felt truly alive is when I'm killing.
The only time I've ever felt truly alive.
You see what I mean?
But you have to do something about the body, Jer.
What about the body?
Well, some hiker stumbles across it,
and pretty soon it's "CSI: Milton."
And guess whose hair and fiber
and spit and blood are everywhere.
Yours, Jerry.
Go get rid of the fucking body, dipshit.
I don't know.
- Hey, Jerry. - How you doing?
Oh, hey, Sheriff Weinbacher. I'm good, really good.
Well, what happened here?
A deer jumped in the window.
It was horrible.
- But you're okay? - Uh... um, yeah.
What did you do with the deer? That's probably good meat.
Oh.
Uh, I ju... I left it on the side of the road.
But I shouldn't have done that.
I screwed up. I'm really sorry about that.
No, it was an accident.
I'm not gonna write you up for hunting out of season.
Thank you.
Thank you, Sheriff Weinbacher. I appreciate it.
No problem, Jerry. You get that window fixed, okay?
- - Yeah, I'll do it right this afternoon.
Cool. Drive safely, Jerry.
You, too.
Hello?
Oh, crap.
That's... that's right now, isn't it?
Okay.
Yeah, no, I'm on my way.
On my way.
Headaches?
- Trouble sleeping? - No.
- Suicidal impulses? - Uh-uh.
Do you hear voices?
I hear your voice now.
Disembodied voices.
Voices that seem to be coming from somewhere else.
Not really.
Jerry...
do you find yourself crying a lot lately?
Uh-uh.
No.
- No? - Mm-mm.
Are you still taking the medication?
Usually.
You have to take it every day without fail.
I know. I know, but...
But what?
The medication, it smooths things out, and that's okay, right?
But even though there were bad moments...
- Very bad moments? - Very bad.
There are also moments of inspiration and beauty,
when all the world makes sense
and the elegant secret mechanics of Man and God
are revealed in their many dimensions,
and the universe is laid out before mine eyes
and it is a blessed place.
You totally stopped taking the pills, didn't you?
Totally.
Thanks for your honesty, Jerry.
Our relationship depends on the cooperation
of the Department of Corrections.
If you become noncompliant, I have to report that.
- They'll put me away? - Let's not find out.
Let's make you compliant.
- Take the pills. - Okay. Okay.
Let's not find out.
Ow.
Aw, what's the matter, buddy?
I really liked her.
I know you did, buddy.
She's a good kid.
I bet you miss her a lot.
Yeah.
I love you guys.
Don't take those pills, Jerry,
unless you wanna say good-bye to your old friends.
I'm not sure it's a good idea
to be talking to your cat, anyway.
Yup.
- Or dog, either.
Take those drugs and you will enter
a bleak and lonely world, Jerry.
Jerry.
Hi, Fiona.
Look what you did to me.
I'm so sorry.
Friday I had a pretty cushy gig.
I had lots of friends. I was the office hottie.
Now I'm a severed head in a fridge.
Sucks to be me, Jerry.
What can I do about it now?
Take the meds, you useless wanker.
Take them.
Take them!
See? That wasn't so hard, was it?
Mama?
- Mama? - Jerry!
- Mama? - Where are you?
Jerry.
- - Pass him over.
Go. Pass him over. I got him.
- I love you, Jerry. - Bunny Monkey is my friend.
Bunny Monkey is not real!
Mom? Dad?
Gotta learn reality from fantasy, Jerry.
You've got to.
It's a sock!
- Be brave, Jerry. - I love you, Bunny Monkey.
- It's a... - Don't listen to Mack.
- ...a fucking... - Stay with me in my world, Jerry.
...sock!
- Just a sock!
A fucking sock.
I wish you were never born!
You and your mother, you're fucking psychos.
No.
Bosco? Hey.
- Mr. Whiskers?
Say something.
Come on, say something. Tell me to go F myself.
Don't leave me alone. Come on.
- Tally ho, Jerry. - Fiona, you're back!
Quite. And jolly well high time.
Bloody blooming right it's jolly well high time.
- You look smashing. - Those bleeding pills are rubbish.
I super-hate those pills.
I only took them because you told me to.
Tsk. Beastly drugs.
They made me look like a sodding Jack-o-lantern.
You know what.
And you're stinky, too.
But now you smell like...
You smell like baby shampoo.
- You're beautiful. - Thanks, Jerry.
What a fab cracking day to come back.
Perfect day.
And I'm eating Honey Nut Crunchys with 2% milk.
Hip hip, hooray!
How's the cereal, chummy chum?
Mmm, delicious.
Scrummy.
God save the queen.
- Hey, Jerry. - Mm-hmm?
Jerry.
Can you get me a friend?
A friend?
I get so lonely in the fridge.
Mmm.
Like, kill someone on purpose?
By George, that's it.
Kill someone.
What about Lisa from Accounting?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Please, Jerry?
Don't be such a Nancy Boy about it.
Please?
I don't know.
- I love you, Jerry. - I love you, too, Fiona.
I love you so much.
Want some of my Crunchys?
All right, then, Governor.
Mm. Mm-mm.
- Ow!
Hey, Jerry.
Hey, Mr. Kowalski.
I saw you on Friday.
You saw me?
Yeah, I saw you. You didn't see me?
No, I didn't see you at all.
You were at Shi Shan.
I saw you in the window eating beef chow mein.
Oh! At the restaurant.
Yeah, it's my favorite.
Shi Shan.
Thank you for seeing me.
I-I didn't do it on purpose.
No, I mean, I'm just thankful for... for seeing each other.
You okay, Jerry?
Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
If you say so.
- See you, Jerry. - Okay.
Oh, one more thing. Have you seen Fiona?
Fiona?
English Fiona from the party.
Mm-mm. No. What's up?
It's the end of the quarter.
We're trying to close out the books
and she's not answering her phone.
Plus, her car is still in the factory parking lot.
That's sad.
She was nice.
Maybe she went back to her own country.
She wouldn't need her car anymore.
I'm gonna miss her a lot.
Jerry.
Oh, that's good.
Oh, that's very good.
Oh, that's even better.
Oh, Jerry, change the fucking channel before I explode.
Oh, that's more like it.
Oh, I feel so much better.
- Jerry is back. - Yeah!
Fuck those pills. That headshrinker doesn't care if you're happy.
She just wants you to be obedient.
She's not a bad person.
Not if you want to be a slave to drugs.
Just say "no." I do.
Check it out.
A crocodile killed a motherfucking antelope.
It's a gnu.
Oh, yes, of course.
Are you gonna kill someone else?
Me? No. Of course not.
Sick, disturbed cat.
Why not, Jer?
- We both know you want to. - No.
You killed by accident. That felt good.
Now do it on purpose, Jerry.
Just once.
- See what it's like. - Shut up.
I don't have to listen to you. You're just a cat.
Well, a cat that can talk and reason.
That's a miracle for the ages.
So what?
But a guy who talks to his cat...
well, that's one step away from the loony bin.
Find someone else, kill them,
and you'll discover what it feels like
to be truly alive.
- By killing? - It's better than sex.
He is wrong.
We're not like the pussy, Jerry. We have morals.
- That's a good boy. - Did you hear that?
I earned the right to be called a good boy.
You earned the right to be hit by a mini-van.
Knock, knock.
- Hey, Jerry. - Hey, Lisa.
What's up, big guy?
I was over here.
Just thought I'd see what you're up to.
I'm trying to figure out how to get out of here early.
Early?
Shoot, man. It's past 5:00 now.
Oh.
- Do you wanna get a drink? - Yeah, uh-huh.
You wanna go to TGI Fridays?
Fridays kind of sucks on Tuesdays.
We could go to David's, though.
It's cool. You'll really like it.
- Good. Yeah. - Okay.
You wanna... now?
- Yeah, now. - Yeah.
Yeah. If you're ready, I'll...
The divorce was final in September or something.
I mean, it went, like, really quickly
because I basically agreed to everything.
You know, he got the house and the car and I got the cat.
What kind of cat?
Um, I don't know.
Like a black and white.
It's a rescue. It's cute.
Are you good with cats?
No, the real question is are cats good with me?
Because they pretty much own us, not the other way around.
Oh, my God, yeah.
- Right? - You've got that right.
Yeah, I mean, if I don't give my cat everything he wants,
it's just like, watch out.
Yeah, yeah. Me, too! Me, too. Me, too.
Yeah, I tried switching to dry cat food.
He was not having it. He tore up my couch.
- No. - I know.
- Serves me right, though. - They're very demanding, huh?
Yeah.
- What's your cat's name? - Mr. Whiskers.
And he is a son of a bitch.
- How about you? - Pig Head.
- 'Cause...
...that's what he is... a pig head.
- Oh. - Pig Head.
- He's so cute, though. Do you wanna meet him? - Yeah.
He's probably tearing up my apartment right now.
Oh, now?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
O-okay.
Uh, yeah, okay, if you're okay to drive.
I'm just gonna go to the bathroom.
- Yeah, okay. - Okay, I'll be right back.
I'm not, um,
in the habit of...
going home with somebody after one date, you know.
I... but...
um, sometimes you just gotta say, "what the hell," I guess.
Yeah, you just gotta cut loose.
Oh, actually, I'm... I'm that way, actually.
Can we go... can we go somewhere else?
Where? - It's a surprise.
Where are we?
This is where I grew up.
It's beautiful.
You think so?
Yeah, this is so romantic. What did you guys grow?
Hah. Nothing.
My stepdad had big plans,
but he was gone all the time with the Army.
- And my mom... well, she pretty much... - What was she like?
Uh, German.
Beautiful...
but mostly sad.
Why was she sad?
He made her choose between leaving him
and leaving Berlin.
She spent the rest of her life homesick.
You okay?
Huh.
That was my favorite window.
I spent a lot of time there.
You didn't have any friends?
No, not really.
They called... the kids called me
"Gesundheit" and "Fahrvergnügen"
and the "The Ultimate Crying Machine."
- Kids are cruel. - I know.
I used to... I used to sit there
and I would look up at the... at the night sky
and I'd make believe that the stars were my friends.
That's stupid, huh?
- No, it's sweet. - Oh.
They're coming for me, Jerry.
I'll... I'll stop them.
It's too late.
They already know. I told them.
What... what did you tell them?
I told them that sometimes I can hear
the secret conversations of the world.
Things no one else hears.
The animals...
the angels talking to me.
Sometimes I hear them, too, Mom.
I know you do, Jerry.
Never tell anyone.
I told them and they won't let me alone.
Promise me you'll never tell.
- Promise. - I-I promise.
Never.
They don't understand.
They can't understand.
What's that sound?
It's the hospital people...
and they have the sheriff with them.
- I can't go back. I can't go back.
I can't go back.
Finish it.
Finish it, please.
Jerry, finish it, please.
Please.
Please, Jerry...
finish it, please.
Jerry.
What is it?
My... my mom... my mom died up in that room.
- Sorry... I'm sorry. - No, don't be.
Hey.
It's okay.
It's just... I'm s... sad.
Take me home...
Hey.
Thanks.
That was a wonderful night, Jerry.
I think so, too.
I'm really glad you asked me out.
- Me, too.
You're so mysterious, you know.
The first time you came up to Accounting
I could tell there was something deep about you.
Hmm.
You seem a million miles away.
What's on your mind?
This night turned out differently than I was expecting.
- Different good? - Definitely.
- I don't feel alone. - Me, neither.
We have to get going.
Work. Oh.
- Yeah. I know. - Oh.
It seems like the last thing I wanna think about.
I know. I gotta go home and feed my cat and dog.
They're gonna be furious with me.
- Do you want me to give you a ride? - No, it's okay.
- I'll walk. - Yeah?
Yeah. Come up to Accounting later.
Just pretend you're delivering something.
We can make out in the copy room.
- I'll try. - Okay.
- Bye. - Bye.
Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?
- I want to smell her crotch, Jer. - Come, here. Hey, sit.
Where the fuck's my food, fuck face?
Aw, I had the best night of my whole life.
Mwah!
Who's a good boy?
Yeah. Oh. Oh.
Food.
Hey, Mr. Whiskers.
Food. Now.
I left you a little gift on the sofa.
A reminder why you can't leave us alone without food.
Jerry.
Hey.
Get me a friend!
- What am I supposed to do? - I do not know.
- Pretend everything's fine. - Really?
Well, it got you this far, didn't it?
I guess so.
- Hey, Jerry? - What?
They need you up in Accounting.
Some problem with payroll or something.
Okay.
I found some irregularities in your records.
We need to do an audit.
- What? - Come on.
- Close the door. - Close the door.
Come here.
Oh.
Oh, thanks, Jerry. Jerry was just, uh...
he just faxed... uh, fixed the copier.
I can make a copy later.
I gotta... I'm gonna go.
Okay.
- Lisa, you dog. - Woof, woof.
Hey, are you still doing payroll?
Yeah, I'm a payroll lifer. Why?
Can you give me Jerry's address?
I wanna bring him a gift or something.
Like a whoopie cake. It's nothing.
Or you could just ask him.
I want it to be a surprise.
Please?
That's a lot of cheese sandwiches to eat in one sitting. 41?
And that tiny Sonya Thomas always wins.
And now a grimmer story.
A woman murdered...
her partial remains dumped in the woods.
- So sad. - So terrible.
Reporter Sheila Hammer
has an Action One News exclusive.
The grisly discovery Tuesday near Milton
of an unidentified female stabbing victim
has local police on the hunt for a serial killer.
Jerry, you're a serial killer.
- Sheriff Weinbacher. - No, he isn't.
- Shh! - Now, with the aid of the FBI
we have developed a profile of the unknown killer.
Male, late 20s or early 30s,
white, lower-middle class.
- Trouble fitting in. - That's you, Jerry.
- Can I have an autograph? - Shh!
Will he kill again?
Well, if he's not stopped soon, every indication is...
he will kill again.
You hear that, punk?
No, no, no. No, no.
- You're a killer. - Oh, my God.
- A serial killer! - I don't wanna be a killer.
Too late, shitbag! There's no turning back.
You're a stone-cold murdering maniac!
Told you so. - Told me so what?
Well, I told you you like killing.
And now the cops, they say the same thing.
Jerry.
What are they saying about you, love?
- That I'm a killer. - Take me out.
Let's talk about it.
What if I am?
- Serial killer? - Yeah.
Well, is it something that you are...
like being brown-eyed or right-handed...
or is it something that you choose,
like being an accountant?
I wish I knew.
You can still make the choice, Jerry.
You're still a good man.
Well, I try to be a good man. I wanna be a good man.
- Then there's the cat. - Fuck you, blaming it on me.
Hold... hold... hold on a second.
Look, I know what is good. I know.
I-I wanna lead a righteous and just life.
I wanna be an upstanding member of the community.
But, I mean, you know, Mr. Whiskers, he makes me do bad things.
The cat was nowhere near when you killed me, Jerry.
See? See? Thank you, lady-head.
Okay, first of all, not true.
Second of all, I know right from wrong, okay?
I know it. I try to be good.
But then certain...
horrible things happen and I'm filled with...
with terror and dread, standing outside of myself.
Even though I know what I've done,
I also feel like... like it wasn't me.
Pretty complicated inside the human mind, huh?
It was you that killed me, Jerry.
- You. - Okay, that's true,
but in a certain sense, it wasn't me.
It was, uh...
- You gonna say it was me? - No, I wasn't gonna say that.
- Oh, oh, all right. - Devil's ad-vo-cat.
Let's say it was me...
but, you know that I'm a talking cat.
There's no such thing.
Everything I say is really you.
It's true, buddy. It's all you.
- What? - Come on, Jer.
You know that.
Your pets are spot-on, Jerry.
I kind of suspected that.
But if there's me,
the regular me, standing here,
the me who's talking now,
and... and...
and I wanna be good...
then there's you, you, and you
trying to make me be something else.
Am I good?
No. You're bad.
She's wrong. You're a good boy.
They're both wrong. You are what you are.
That's it.
I am...
Someone's here! Intruder! Intruder! - Bosco, Bosco.
I got your back, Jerry. I got your back, Jerry.
- I got your back Jerry. - Stay. Stay. Stay. Stay.
Just a second. Just trying to put my dog away.
Hey, Jerry, is that my new friend?
Oh, Jerry, I just need a whiff of her butt.
- Jerry. - Shh.
Oh, Jerry!
- Hey, Lisa. - Hi, Jerry.
Um, surprise. Sorry.
No, I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm so glad that you came.
No, no. I'm imposing. I can tell.
- Oh. You look beautiful. - Thank you.
Um, I brought you some cakes.
You're amazing. Thank you for this.
There's four of them.
Sorry, if... do you have company?
Or am I interrupting?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah... I... it's just that what you heard is, um...
that I... sometimes I talk to my pets.
- A lot of the time. - No, me, too.
All the time.
And they sometimes talk to me sometimes.
- I get that. - Yeah?
- Thank you for the cake. - Are you locked out?
Uh, it's okay.
I'll figure out how to get in somehow.
You don't need to stay around.
And how are you gonna get in?
There's a skylight.
I can totally get in through the skylight.
Really?
You know, I... I'm pretty good at getting in places.
I lose my keys all the time, so...
I'm gonna use the skylight.
Oh.
Jerry? You okay?
Um, fine! How are you?
Fine.
Jerry, I'm... um...
Jerry, I'm gonna just... okay.
Okay. Bye, Lisa!
Thanks for stopping by.
Jerry, I got it open.
Ooh! Hey.
Hey, buddy.
- Oh.
Hey, Jerry? Jerry!
Uh... come on. Come on.
No, no, no. I don't wanna play.
- Come on.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Okay, good boy. Good boy.
Lisa.
I-I told you I was gonna go through the skylight.
Jerry, I'm sorry.
- Why... why would you... - I apologize.
...go through the door like that?
I'm sorry, it's my fault.
- I'm just gonna go home. - No, no, no, no.
Please, please. Please, please stay. It's okay, it's okay.
She... she's the best thing that ever happened to me.
She's the best.
Jerry, who are you talking to?
No, no.
Wait, wait.
No! No! No! No!
- Jerry, I'm just gonna go. - No, I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna hurt her. I'm not gonna hurt you.
I'm not... I'm not gonna hurt you.
It's fine. It's fine.
It's...
- They're really gonna hate me. - No...
No, no, Lisa. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Lisa. Hey.
- Lisa, plea... please.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?
Please, open the door.
- No!
No! Lisa, come on!
She won't...
Ow!
- Lisa.
Ow.
Lisa?
I'm... I'm gonna come in now, okay?
I am so, so sorry.
Jerry, I won't tell anyone.
I... I wish that you didn't have to see that.
I just wish that we could go back
to the beginning, you know?
We can.
I'm really sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I got scared earlier.
I know. That was scary.
I didn't...
I didn't mean to... to scare you.
It's okay.
I'm fine now.
I know, I know. I know.
You hit me so hard.
No, it's okay.
Oh, are you okay?
Oh, God, I don't know how that happened.
- I'm so sorry. - Jerry...
I-I wanna go home.
Jerry.
It's okay. It's okay.
I know you're suffering.
I'm gonna help you.
Shite.
You did what you had to do, Jerry.
Figure it out in the morning.
Meow.
Oh, it's okay, buddy.
Everything's...
Everything's gonna be okay.
You're a good boy.
Woof.
What?
You want a piece, huh?
Wha... huh?
What? Want some of this?
Hah!
What?
Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name,
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Make Jerry and Mr. Whiskers and Bosco good boys.
Amen.
Hey, Lisa, sweetie,
maybe give me a call or a text when you get this?
Hope you're okay.
I can't reach her, either.
Are you guys watching the video of the baby peeing on the senator?
No email, no Facebook updates.
She was going out with that Jerry guy from Packing and Shipping.
- I can't reach him, either. - Jerry the pizza guy?
- God he's weird. - You've heard the rumors, right?
No.
Go to the "Tri State Herald" website.
July 9th, 1997. Front page.
Oh.
Intruder! Intruder!
I'll take the bullet for you, Jerry.
- Oh, oh! - Don't pee yourself.
It's not the dog catcher, unfortunately.
Shh. What do we do?
Oh, Jerry. I got an idea.
Hi, Jerry.
Hi, Alison.
- Hey, Jerry? - Yeah?
You remember last week when, uh... when you...
when you said there was an invisible line
that separates good from evil,
and you thought you'd crossed it.
And I said, "No, no, no, no. You're a good boy"?
Yeah, I remember. So what?
I've changed my opinion.
So you think I'm evil, Bosco?
I'm certain of it.
Welcome to my world, Jerry.
I don't wanna be a part of your world.
You're already there.
Become what you're meant to become.
Fiona?
What do you think I should do?
Well, you can't go back to work.
Can't stay here, either.
I think it's time to see if the cat
knows what he's talking about.
- She's right. - I totally agree.
Well, meow to that.
Just go around killing people?
I like people.
Aye. Fuck the dog.
Do it for the pleasure it brings.
Come on, Jerry.
We'll get a bigger fridge.
The first five are always the hardest.
Don't listen to him, Jerry.
I don't know about you girls, but that Jerry guy...
And he's going crazy. He's losing it.
He's in a troubled place right now.
- - Hey, that's my boy. You can do it.
Shut up!
Hi.
Jerry.
I got a lot going on right now.
What happened?
Well, um, I've been crying a lot.
All the time.
And I stopped taking the drugs.
What? Why?
The cat made me do it.
Your cat made you?
Mm-hmm. No, no, kind of.
I mean, Mr.... Mr. Whiskers does the talking,
but it's really me.
See? I'm making progress.
It's not the cat. I know that now.
Jerry, we had an agreement.
I know. I'm sorry.
Dr. Warren, I'm a bad person.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I appreciate your honesty.
I'm disappointed,
but, hey, it's not like you killed someone.
Um...
What, Jerry?
It... uh, it is kinda like that.
Kinda like that times three.
What are you saying, Jerry?
Three peo... three people who aren't alive anymore because of me.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah. I know.
I feel terrible about it.
And I... I really need your help right now.
- I'll help you, Jerry. - Thank you.
Go ahead. I'm listening.
Oh...
Okay, you remem... you know the conga line?
At your company party.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Uh, everyb... everybody sang "Happy Song."
And you know that English girl Fiona?
We congaed and we were supposed to go to Shi Shan...
see an awesome show and...
What are you doing, Dr. Warren?
- Give me that. - No!
- I'm being held! - It was an accident!
I liked all of them and I wish they were all alive.
But there's nothing that I can do about that now.
- Do you have packing tape? - What? Why?
Because I can't let you go and I still need a lot of therapy.
No, stay there! You stay there now!
- Back! Back! - Jerry, you're really upset right now.
Let's discuss this.
- Okay. - Stay calm.
I understand. Jerry, don't do this.
- Don't do this, Jerry. No. - Shh, shh. It's okay.
Okay, we haven't got a lot of time,
so we gotta get into the big issues.
Do you believe in God?
- Mm. - Me, too.
And I totally think that He has it out for me.
He gives... cuts everyone else slack
and then totally craps all over me,
and I wanna know why.
Why would He put a little boy in a home with a father like that,
make my mother lose herself so completely
that she'd rather die than be with me?
But if He is all-knowing,
then God must be okay with me killing people.
Mm-mm.
Ah, a shrink who wants to talk.
Mmm.
But if I untape you, we're gonna get
on the fast road to mental health, okay?
Hey, you start doing the silent shrink thing,
and I can't predict what I'll do.
- Uh... - Now...
why do I hear voices?
Oh, a lot of people hear voices.
Or thoughts they can't stop.
A lot of people?
Yeah.
It might be a voice telling them
they're worthless or stupid or...
or it could tell them to indulge every desire...
drink that drink, take that drug,
follow every sexual impulse.
Or it could be a cynical voice
telling them nothing matters,
that their efforts are insignificant.
You hear stuff like that?
Yeah. I have thoughts.
Not exactly the same as you,
but similar.
They tell me that I'm fat or psychotherapy is...
is not a worthwhile exercise, that... that it's not real,
that I should've aimed higher than a government job,
that my potential is being squandered,
that I'm unworthy of love.
But none of that's true.
So what do you do about it?
Well, I can't shut them off entirely...
nor would I want to...
but I can argue against them.
Just because you have thoughts
doesn't mean you have to act on them.
You don't have to act on them?
No.
Being alone in the world
is the root of all suffering.
But, Jerry,
you're not alone.
Whoa.
See, that's like 10 years of therapy in 10 seconds.
- Where are we going? - Home.
I gotta feed my pets.
- All right, let's go. - No, no, no.
You go inside, I'll wait here and watch the road.
So that if I see him coming, I can honk the horn and warn you,
and then you can run back immediately.
You're a real hero, John.
Alison?
Ah...
John, call the police. Call the...
Mr. Whiskers?
- Bosco.
- Oh, my God, Jerry, what have you done? - Please be quiet.
- Let me go, for God's sake.
Mr. Whiskers?
What are you gonna do?
I told you I don't know, already. All right?
- Bosco! - What are you gonna do?
- What are you going to do? - I told you, I don't know.
My pets are missing.
Jerry, let me go, for God's sake.
Everything is gonna be okay.
Mr. Whiskers?!
Bosco?!
Hey, loser. Is this the bitch you've been fucking?
No. No. No. No.
Mr. Whiskers. That is my psychotherapist.
Great job she's doing.
You're the picture of mental health.
- Where's Bosco? - He got hit by a mini-van.
- I'm lost without him. - Good.
Now you can kill her without all his pathetic yelping.
- No, no, no. - It's okay.
It's okay. I'm gonna just do this.
Oh, God.
- Jerry? - Yeah.
- I'm scared. - She wasn't scared last week
when she threatened to send you back to the loony bin.
Me, too.
Wha... what can I do to make you more comfortable?
Huh?
- I want to make a phone call. - She'll call the cops.
- You'll call the cops. - No, no, no, I... I...
I just don't want to be alone.
Oh, oh, oh! Stay right there.
Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...
You don't have to be alone.
Ah, here, here, here.
Mr. Whiskers! Dr. Warren!
Fiona! Cut it out!
- Mr. Whiskers!
Hey.
You did the best that you could.
It's not your fault.
What are you gonna do to me?
N-nothing.
Nothing. It's... it's fine.
Put me the fuck down, you goddamn psycho.
I'll shit in your hand.
The suspect's car is in the parking lot.
- Here. Here. - I want you two on the right.
Fan out and spread around the building.
- Cover all exits. - All right, keep low, guys.
- Keep low. - Watch, around the back, around the back.
Ahh!
Is this your brilliant escape plan, Jerry?
Sneak out the back door.
It's your favorite door, isn't it?
It's the best I've got.
This'll fool 'em since you're bulletproof and invisible.
Run, Jerry.
It's been nice knowing you, pal.
- Sheriff's department. - I'm here.
- Nobody move. - Don't hurt me!
I smell gas.
- Can't you smell that? - We'll check on it.
- Where'd Jerry go? - He went in there.
Suspect last seen in the bathroom.
- Was he armed? - I don't know.
I found a cat.
- - Come in here.
Jerry.
Hey, we found a cat and a dog.
Call the animal shelter.
- You okay? - Uh-huh.
We believe he's in the bowling alley.
- You think he's armed? - I don't know.
- Then we have to assume he is. - Please don't hurt him.
He's very ill.
Our first priority is our own safety, Doctor.
Tactical team on scene.
First responders... clear.
Bedroom... clear.
- Go! Go! - Preparing to descend.
Gas leak!
- Jerry. - Jerry.
Jerry, you're almost home.
Come home, Jerry.
Come, come with us.
- Jerry. - Come, Jerry.
We're all waiting for you.
Come. You'll never be alone anymore.
Come home, come.
You'll never be alone anymore.
Jerry, come with us.
As in you're gonna be charbroiled, Jerry.
- You run. No.
You stay.
You're no good to yourself or anybody else.
You let the fire put you to sleep.
Isn't that what they say right before they kill you?
Jerry knows that.
He can end the suffering tonight.
- Unless you want to be - Jerry The Human Torch,
get the hell out.
Stand your ground, buddy.
There's nothing left for you in this life.
We could've filled 10 more refrigerators, Jerry.
Shush, pussy.
If he survives, he'll only cause more suffering,
pain, and death.
It's over.
Jerry's going home.
You win, pup.
I have to confess...
this alpha thing suits you well.
I kind of like you, Bosco.
Me, too.
I like you, Mr. Whiskers.
But now it's time for each of us to go our own way.
Good-bye, friend.
Good-bye, Mr. Whiskers.
- Mom? - Hey, Jerry.
- Dad? - Creep.
Hey, Fiona, Lisa.
- Good evening, love. - Hi, Jerry.
- Mmm... Alison? - Hey, Jerry.
I'm sorry I killed you guys.
Let's not bring up the bad things.
Let's just be happy.
Jesus.
Hi, Jerry.
Thanks for the love and thank you for coming.
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
- Are my pets gonna be okay? - You betcha.
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