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I've learned that running a business ain't easy.
And if anyone tells you otherwise,
they're just lying to ya.
And running a bikini car wash?
Now, as glamorous as that might sound...
Okay, I'll admit, it's pretty glamorous.
But, it wasn't always like this.
Baby focus, I'm so close.
Are you?
Yeah.
Jack! Don't text and fuck!
But it's okay. It's okay.
It's alright, keep going!
Yeah, just like that. That's right.
You're cute... like a little monkey
It feels so amazing...
Are you texting?
No!
What's wrong?
What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?
I thought you were close...
Yeah, I was, okay? Was!
That's past tense.
I can't have sex with you while you're texting.
I can multi-task.
Yeah, come on. It's okay. I'm still hard.
I can get that back.
I can get it back.
I like you, you're a fun guy, you're super nice, but yeah,
something makes me think you're not that into me.
No, no, no, no. I'm totally into you.
What's my major?
Well...
Botany!
I mean, art history! That's right...
Journalism.
One-night stands are fun and all, but
a guy one-night standing has to be able to focus on me.
Otherwise I could just go home and vibrate.
Just got a new toy actually...
I'm gonna go home...
Do you have any batteries?
Yo, Jack. You get any tonight?
Kinda, sorta.
Nice man!
Gotta tell me your secret sometime!
Level 36, man!
Hey Jack! The party is wrapping up man.
Where's Tracy?
she left.
Well, you wanna have a threesome with us?
Ew.
I'm just looking out for my boy.
So sweet of you...
I'm just gonna grab a beer.
Alright.
We should play a game.
Let's play "Cowboys and Naked Chicks".
Does it involve boobies?
Of course it involves boobies.
I like it!
Boobies!
Hey, Brittany.
Jack! Guess what? I just interviewed Tracy.
Seems she dropped you like a bad habit.
Wait, hold up, what'd, what did she say?
Spoiler alert!
Okay, okay.
Can we keep my love life out of your documentary please?
I don't think I can.
So does that mean you couldn't get it up?
No!
It was up! It was up just fine. It was...
Next time I have sex, you wanna film it?
I'm not making that kind of film.
I'll just interview Vex.
I think he's a bit busy...
I swear I didn't do it!
I didn't do it darling!
Bang bang! Bang bang!
Breaking out the heavy artillery, baby!
You're shooting an unarmed man!
Well, then arm yourself!
Hey, Brit.
Either of you got handcuffs?
You were about ready to tell me what Tracy said.
Nice try.
Fucking creep!
What happened?
My boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend.
What did he do now?
Is everything ok?
He screwed his masseuse... again!
Jack, can I crash here? For like a day or two? I'll pay you.
Yes!
Yeah, the couch is available.
You could, sleep there until I find some space.
Thanks.
I'm gonna make sure she's okay.
Okay.
Poor Amanda.
Why?
Well, she's like, totally in love with Tori.
It's obvious.
I didn't know that Amanda was into...
It's obvious, Jack.
I didn't know she liked...
It's obvious.
Nice.
Wanna grab a beer?
Yeah.
Great.
yummy!
So, took some good footage?
Yeah, I think so.
You okay?
Me? Yeah. Sorry. I zoned.
For you.
Light beer.
Hey, Brit, did you get me dancing with those
cutie-patooties from the football team?
You mean the basketball team?
Whatever, they were hot!
No, I didn't. Battery was low.
Aw, that's a shame. Jack, come hang out with me.
I can't actually. I've gotta clean the place.
I'm renting this from my Dad and I can't just trash it, you know.
It looks fine. Come dance with me!
Another time. Another time. Promise.
Yay! I'll remember that.
You hanging out tomorrow?
Yeah, we should be. Yeah.
Cool. I'll text you.
Shake what your mama gave you, baby! Come on!
Ride me dirty, Yeah!
Yeah!
Gotta collect rent.
I'm a wee bit short.
How much?
Like, sorta all of it.
You hit the casino again? Dude, we talked about this.
No, I'm good for it I swear.
Alright, man.
Thanks. Love you.
I was just collecting rent.
Can I give it to you Friday?
My financial aid fell through and
I can't even pay my last payment,
which means I might not even graduate.
Shit, that sucks. Yeah, yeah of course.
Thanks.
Hey are... are you and Tori...
Shit! My Dad!
Is Jack here?
I'm here, I'm here! Thanks, Tori.
Hey I'll see you later in class.
Hey!
You didn't return my calls.
Just stopping by to make sure you didn't burn down the joint.
Not at all. Still here! Not burning!
So, is she living here?
Tori? No, not at all.
Your mother and I didn't get this place you so
you can have all your friends living here.
No... no, no, no, no, no. We just...
I just had a little gathering last night.
Paint... Painting party.
Nice, you painted? Can I see?
Yeah. Soon! It's not done yet.
Okay, sure.
Yeah, so Tori just...
Yeah, she stayed over last night 'cause she wasn't feeling well.
Must be the paint fumes.
You know what? I think you're right.
Yeah, I think it was the fumes, yeah.
Man, do I have the beer shits.
Hey Mr. Miller!
He stayed over, too cause... fumes.
You know, Jack, we only expect the best from you,
and anything less is, well, less, and not acceptable.
Absolutely.
If we find out that you're screwing up
or using this as a party house,
you can say goodbye to the skate shop. The house. The car.
All of it. Understand?
You do want the skate shop, right?
And the other stuff, too.
Good. That's my boy.
I'm your boy!
I'll call you later.
Awesome, Dad. Thanks!
Next time, answer my call.
Yeah.
Run a real business? I don't think I'm ready for all that...
Jack, you've spent the last four years getting ready.
Awe come on, Professor, there's gotta be another way.
Look, I'll re-take my final.
Not an option. I gotta be honest,
this whole semester it seemed like you were coasting.
Your colon cancer awareness campaign?
I thought we had a good campaign.
"Got Anal?"
It was catchy.
Listen, the only reason I'm offering you this
is that your father and I go back pretty far
and he has a good mind for business.
I thought you might, too.
Maybe that gene skipped me. Or I'm adopted.
Frank, the manager, is taking another job,
so it works out perfectly.
Look, I don't know shit about car washes.
Run it for a week, show a profit. Do that, you pass.
I would give my first born child to caress that ass.
You would give up a tiny, beautiful newborn baby?
I think I would.
So, does your Dad know that you lost your job yet?
No.
Does he know your renting out rooms to your friends
to pay for your rent?
No. Not at all, and get this.
I got a 24 on my Final.
Wow! That's fantastically awful.
Just look at Tori for a sec.
That should make you feel better.
No. I still feel like a loser.
Yeah, me too. I swore that would work.
You know my Dad's deal, man.
All I have to do is just pass my business classes
and he gives me the cash for the skate shop.
Yeah. I know, you've been talking about it for years.
But what if you opened it and it bombed, dude?
Maybe just go work for him. It'd probably be easier.
I don't know. My professor made me an offer.
Blowjob? I mean,
I guess it's worth it and all if you really want the grade...
No, dumbass, not a blowjob.
If I show him that I can run a business, successfully,
for a week, he'll give me the credit I need to pass.
What kind of business?
Car wash.
Shit.
It's Big Tony and Bobby Bullets.
Those are their real names?
Vex, my man, how the hell are ya?
Yeah, Vex, how da fuck are ya?
Come on.
Aren't you guys from here?
Cause, you sound like you just fell out of a Scorsese movie.
Hey I'll cut ya for that, ya know!
No, Bobby, relax.
It really wasn't that bad of a criticism, ya know?
He did say Scorsese!?
No, listen you ain't gotta be from New York to be New York!
I think you do.
Ya know, Vex, Paulie is awaiting his payment
and it's our job to collect.
I'll pay it back, guys. Relax.
Paulie ain't one for relaxing.
No. Paulie don't do that shit.
You know, Paulie, he prefers to break people's arms.
And necks!
That don't make Paulie a priority?
Ya see, Paulie lent you the cash,
now it's your job to pay it back.
Quite fucking simple.
And if that don't work out, well...
things that are... attached to your body, they start breaking.
This is very painful.
I told him I'd have it this week.
You better! Or snap!?
End of da week, bitch! Or snap!
End of the week.
Yo, damn baby. You got a whole lot of junk up in that trunk.
What do you say I pull up that bumper and smack that...
Oph!
Let's get out of here, Tony!
Dude, it was a sure thing!
Famous last words.
So, what are we gonna do now?
You're gonna help me with the car wash.
Sure! But hey, I don't work
for less than thirty bucks an hour, you know?
A man's gotta have his principles.
Ten bucks an hour.
Sweet! Fuck principles. I'm in.
Great.
Dude, we should hire Tori too! Then we'd get some mad business!
Sure, yeah. Why don't we just open a bikini car wash?
That's a brilliant idea.
That was a joke.
Think about it, man! It can't miss!
We'd be printing money!
Vex, I'm not running a bikini car wash, man. It's like, seedy.
But, highly profitable and I can help.
Help? Dude, we got a hot chick!
Imagine her like soaping up your car.
Maybe she winks at you, she blows you a kiss.
You achieve wood. Perfect!
Absolutely, but there is more than that to running a business.
-We got it all figured out, Marvin.
You got the numbers figured out?
Psh! Yeah, Jack's a numbers whiz. Right?
We might need help with the numbers.
It's not exactly the kind of business
my Dad would be cool with, you know?
And the Professor, I don't think he wants me
turning his little car wash into something out of a porno.
I'm so in.
Me, too!
Who said you can join the team?
It'd be just like Senior Year, when we ruled Liberty High.
It's a little different than student government, bro.
Do you even remember high school?
You know, considering you were stoned half the time.
I think it was way more than half.
It doesn't even matter. Look, I didn't agree to this so...
But if you do, I can make sure we actually make a profit,
which is the whole point, correct?
Yeah, I mean I sure as shit need the cash,
and Jack needs the grade.
Cool down guys, alright.
This is my mess, I make the decisions!
So you're in, too! Nice!
No, I didn't say that!
Then what are your other options?
You know, we got less than a week
and you've got no money.
What else is there? A lemonade stand?
C'mon. Let me hear your ideas.
I thought so. Think about it, man!
The hot chicks! Sexy bikinis! It can't miss!
There's no guarantee...
According to my calculations, it would be a tremendous success.
I mean it would be nice if it worked but...
We could run specials. Buy five washes, get one free.
Theme days! Hot nurses!
And I'll do it for free. Just help me get her.
Psh... Dude get in line, alright?
Only a special kind of guy goes balls deep with Tori.
Why don't you try with someone like Amanda?
Amanda is totally into Tori.
Whatever, I just mean someone more realistic, and less
Tori-ish.
My god. Wouldn't it be funny if he lost Tori to a girl?
No! It would be uproarious.
It's just that, you guys always get the girls, you know?
And I'm just, not.
I should be proud right now, but I don't wanna think
about you alone in your room next time I'm banging.
Come on, Jack, let's help this bastard get laid.
Awe, dammit. I got myself into this mess, didn't I?
Yup. But this could be your chance.
Yo, my bro graduated with a degree in engineering
and now he's flipping burgers.
It's shit out there, man.
Us millennials, we're screwed.
Look if you join the team,
I cannot guarantee you're gonna land her.
Just guarantee that you'll try.
Remember the millennials.
Fuck it.
That's the spirit! Yeah!
Can one of you boys help rub some oil on me?
So, Tori,
I've got a possible business proposition for you.
What do you think of this blue?
I love it. Take off these bottoms.
And they go good with these, too.
What do you think about this one?
That one's cute. I like the polka dots.
This must be what Heaven looks like.
I don't think there are girls in bikinis in Heaven, Vex! Geez!
Hey Marvin, big favor. Shut the fuck up!
Shutting up.
Guys, is this too skimpy?
Hell yeah!
For the record, this is gonna be fucking awesome!
Holy shit, dude we got one!
Hey welcome. How can we help you?
I want a car wash.
Kelly!
Hey, baby. Did you want the standard wash, the premium,
or the 'Happy-Ending Please-Cum-All-Over-Me Rubdown'?
I'll take the last one.
Please pull it... around.
And then you enter... through the rear.
Yes, Ma'am!
Hi!
Hi! I'm sorry!
It's all good.
I've got plenty of life to live but it's safe to say
that this will be the best job I'll ever have!
No doubt, dude.
And with any luck, word of mouth will spread.
Yeah, everyone is gonna know about this bikini car wash.
Hey, guys!
Hey.
Brit! You totally missed the grand opening
of Jack's bikini car wash!
That's 'cause I wasn't aware
Jack had started his own business.
-It's no big deal. It's just for my business class.
Yeah, and the whole bikini aspect
is just a marketing thing.
Yeah, right!
The important thing is just running the business.
Yeah. Yeah, sure. My bad.
So you have girls in bikinis washing cars?
Yeah, Brit. It's a bikini car wash.
You can't not have girls in bikinis!
You know, Jack.
We're probably the only bikini car wash in the whole zip code,
if not the whole fucking state.
We're pioneers, bro! It's inspiring!
Wow. Just like Lewis & Clark.
Wait 'til the girls in my film class hear about this.
No. I don't know about...
Can I be in it?
Yes!
You should totally put me in it too.
People love looking at this fucking face.
I'll start filming tomorrow.
Nah, nah... You know, I'd...
I'd have to get permission and there's forms to fill out...
Don't worry, Jack.
I'll just blur out the name when I edit it.
No... Ya know, and the customers...
Yeah, I'll just shoot around them or blur them out, too.
Cool.
Great.
Hey.
Sorry.
Why? I'm just making a Pop Tart.
Okay. Sorry.
Amanda, stop apologizing.
I know, I know, I'm sor...
Hey, I'm sorry for blowing you off last night.
I just have a lot going on.
Yeah, I totally understand.
My ex is just like... I mean, look at this body.
Would you go anywhere else?
No, I wouldn't never go anywhere else, ever.
Like... Like if I were him.
And my lips.
I mean, these are just the perfect lips to kiss with.
Yeah, pretty perfect lips.
Yeah, yours are nice, too.
No! They're not.
Ya know, if you dressed a little different,
more confident, and a little sexier,
I think you'd get more guys' attention.
Stop! What are you doing?
Let me see your stomach.
See? Perfect.
Whatever.
Anyways, thank you.
Your Pop Tart.
Yeah. Is it cool if I crash with you?
The couch smells like puke and chips.
Yeah!
I mean, yeah, sure. Whatever.
Cool. You're the best, Amanda.
Hey, guys. Just real quick,
while I've got ya, I just wanted to thank, everyone, for today.
You guys were great, really.
I gotta run this thing for a week,
so if you guys can help out for a few more days,
that would be awesome.
I can't. I got an internship.
My friend Mia might be able to help.
She's super cute.
Super cute is a great quality.
I had fun, but I'm beat.
Well, ya know, once we actually get a rhythm going,
I sure we can work more efficiently, guys.
I've done some calculations,
and if we are busy as my numbers suggest we may indeed be,
anyone working as a bikini person could bring home
at least two hundred bucks a day, maybe more,
depending on weather concerns and of course, traffic.
Shut up, Marvin.
I did get some nice tips.
You know, the pizza place is really flexible.
I can still be cashier.
I'm in. I don't mind showing off my girls.
Your girls?
Whoo! Those girls.
I am a big fan of those girls.
But do the girls need to be out at the moment?
Yes, they do. You wanna touch 'em, Brit?
They're all natural. Well, not really.
No, thanks, I'm good.
Yeah, maybe we could just, ya know...
Sure thing, Jack. Don't want to offend anyone.
You're not offending me,
you just don't need to fling them around.
Okay, BRATtany.
Hey! No fighting, girls,
unless it involves mud wresting or nudity. Or both.
Hey, Jack, this is gonna be awesome.
Aw, that feels so good.
You should become a masseuse, not a lawyer.
I think that lawyers tend to be more successful
than masseuses. Read that in books.
Stupid book.
Okay, now it's time for the front.
Yeah?
Ya know? You could just quit
all this stupid law business and become a bikini girl.
My parents would love that.
Should I be jealous of you hanging out
with these bikini girls?
Psh. No way. I mean, it's not like
you and me are going out or anything, right?
I like to keep it casual. But if I was the jealous type...
That would be bad, wouldn't it?
I'm glad you're not the jealous type.
I'm sorry, did that hurt?
I kinda liked it.
You freak.
Alright, well we've got some interviews coming in today,
but I've gotta inventory supplies with Marvin.
So, can you handle them?
No problemo.
Alright.
Be professional.
Obviously!
I'm gonna need to see you in a bikini.
This better?
Yeah.
Even better?
Please tell your parents I said Thank You.
Experience. Work history. Blah. Blah. Blah.
What are your best assets?
Do these count?
Yeah. Those count.
Yeah, ya know. Great resume. We'll call you.
Does that help your decision?
Fuck yeah. When can you start?
How'd it go, man? I miss anything?
Meh.
Holy...
Shit.
Hi.
April told me about the job? Here's my resume.
Yes. Yes, you heard right...
What are some of your qualifications?
I'm an excellent customer service provider,
and I'll do pretty much anything to make sure
the customer is extremely satisfied.
You're hired.
Vex, please.
Great.
Can you tell us about some of the other positions you've held?
Positions?
I've been in a lot of different positions.
Awesome!
What are some of your faves?
Are you flirting with me?
You're making me blush, honey.
No, no, no. He means jobs.
No, I meant positions.
I've had a lot of experience in a lot of different positions.
And I'm very flexible.
Flexibility is a huge plus!
Here. Come on.
Most of the jobs I've had, have been under the table.
As in...
No, Vex. Off the books, man.
I know what under the table means.
Pfft. This guy...
Mia, look, wow. This... this all sounds great, it does, really.
But see, I'm not solely looking for sex appeal...
Well, I am!
Vex!
Did I mention that my friend, Neil,
owns an exotic car dealership?
I'm sure I could persuade him to bring his cars
here for washing and detailing.
Okay, now is she hired?
Welcome to the team, Mia!
Dave still own this joint?
Who's Dave?
Dave Dugan. Or as I like to fondly refer to him, Dildo Dave.
Nobody really thinks that's funny, Bobby.
I meant to tell ya that.
Like I give a flying fuck.
Some people call him, The Professor.
That's because he's a professor.
Anyways, yeah, he owns the space.
So you're the new manager of this fine establishment?
Temporarily.
Good enough.
We'd like to wish you the best of luck with your endeavor.
Cool, thanks.
I was being facetious.
I kinda like nerdy girls.
you're nowhere near my type.
Enough, Bobby. We'd like to make a withdrawal.
Of what? I don't understa...
Money, smart guy!
You fail outta college or something?
Actually, that's kind of a funny story...
No it ain't and we don't care!
We truly don't give anywhere close to a shit
regarding your situation.
I'll make it simple. Dildo Dave...
Yes!
The Professor
and all the local joints pay us a small weekly fee,
and we make sure that nothing bad happens to their businesses.
It's a car wash. What could happen?
It could explode.
Yeah, it definitely could explode.
Boom!
There's nothing explosive here.
Ya never know.
Actually, I do.
We're just here to offer protection, that's all.
Yeah, I'm gonna call the police.
You put that stapler near my face,
I'll break your boss' windpipe.
It's cool. It's cool, Amanda. It's fine.
The money. Or I break your nose,
then your hands, and something else randomly.
How much?
The usual.
I don't know the usual!
Jack, today's numbers look great!
I think the usual has just increased.
How much did they get?
More than I wanted to part with.
How do we make it back?
Hard work.
I hate that idea. Any other options?
Guys, you've gotta see this!
I hear your girls do a good job.
You did?
You heard right. What kind of package would you like?
The works.
Four girls. Good choice.
I hope so.
Shit! This is awesome!
Hey, I told you, Mia was a good hire!
Hey! Chill, man!
We need to be careful, alright? This is high end here.
High end people have high end friends, which means...
More Ferraris?
Yes, Vex. More Ferraris. So be super careful.
Of course!
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Feet on the ground please.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Hand Wash Only.
Hey, nice job. I like this place.
Perhaps I'll recommend my friends.
We definitely appreciate referrals.
Hey, and next time...
let her climb on the hood.
I wanna be him when I grow up.
Hey, what's up Kell-bell?
Just wanted to ask you something.
Shoot.
I think it would really help and get us a lot of business
if we really pushed the envelope on the sexiness thing.
I mean, I'll talk to Jack.
But I'm not sure how sexy he'd want to go though.
I'm a really sexual person,
so I can be as sexual as you want me to be.
Really...
cause ya know, I'm a pretty sexual person myself...
Are you?
Well, yeah. I mean, Vex does rhyme with...
I know what it rhymes with. So show me, baby.
Hey, Marcy! Sara!
My little sisters got a lemonade stand? Nice.
Buy some lemonade!
Hell, yeah!
I mean, heck yes. Please. Jack, buddy, can you spot me?
Lemonades are on me.
Three bucks! And we can't break anything over twenty.
Here you go.
Thanks! We made nine dollars now!
Twelve, Sara.
We might sell other stuff, too,
in case people get sick of lemonade.
Like orange juice! And milk!
Ew. Not milk, Sara, that's disgusting.
But maybe orange juice.
And if you refer someone you get a coupon for a free lemonade.
That's a pretty good deal.
Hey everyone!
I was gonna stop by today for that rent check.
I got it right here, so no need!
And the girls wanted to see what their big brother is up to.
No we didn't.
Daddy said let's see what kind of trouble you're getting into.
Marcy. Did you finish painting?
Painting? Like Jack would paint...
Wow, this is good lemonade!
Jack.
Yeah.
Your mother and I don't appreciate you
trashing the house.
Not everyone gets an opportunity like this.
Well, Jack did just start a business.
A business? Really? What is it?
It's not gonna be like that business project you did
with the banana and the donut is it...
"BanoNut"! That was a tasty failure.
No. No, dad, it's nothing like that.
I'm just...
just helping someone out. It's no big deal.
It's only temporary.
I see. Is it a real business?
Yeah. It is.
Daddy says the only way to make money
is to be evil and ruthless.
Heartless!
No, he said ruthless.
You're an idiot.
Girls, that's enough.
I'm gonna stop by in a few days.
The house better be in good shape... painted or not.
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Let's get you girls some lunch!
But what if somebody wants lemonade?
It'll be okay for a few minutes.
Good luck with your business, girls!
Whoa, harsh.
Sorry, did I say too much in front of your dad?
You were in a jam.
Yeah, you were totally jammed.
You should just tell him the truth.
Truth? My parents don't know shit about me.
And that's for their own protection.
So I should tell him that I might fail
the only class he wants me to pass,
that I got fired from the job I was supposed to keep
to pay rent and that I run a bikini car wash?
The truth rocks. My opinion.
Maybe not all the truth.
But I have to admit this will be great for the movie.
Built-in drama.
Just pass the popcorn!
Sorry. I get nervous in front of the camera. Can we try again?
Yeah, I'll just keep rolling.
Okay. For real this time!
So, why I became a bikini girl...
It's all about the Benjamins, baby.
Kelly, this is my interview!
But I do love the Benjamins!
Making it rain, baby. Making it rain. Whoa!
Make it rain on me, Vex! Make it rain on me!
No! You're not involved in the rain.
Sorry, I was just trying to be funny.
Hey, dudes don't get rained.
Yeah. Yeah. Making it rain!
Okay. Can I have everyone's attention, please?
Let me just say that I am...
very drunk.
But, also, on Jack's behalf, I just wanna say
that we are off to a really good start, motherfuckers!
Cheers!
I need more drinks to drink?
I got rum.
I'll grab a glass!
My God! Grab me some!
I'd get these glasses, but I'm a little buzzed at the moment.
Awe, you're so sweet! Like a candy cane.
Actually, they're minty, not really sweet.
Sweet to me would be like a lollipop or...
Something with a higher sugar content.
But, candy cane, nice! Thanks!
-Yay! -Yay!
Tori... Can I ask you a question?
Yeah, you just did, silly!
I got the rum!
O-M-G! This one guy was so totally getting off
when I was washing his windshield.
He even had it out.
Ew, it?
Yeah! That should be extra, right?
Can I talk to you for a sec? Alone?
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm a little concerned. I think there's a line
that you don't want to cross with the car wash.
I mean, Kelly's nipples did more washing than her hands.
Well that's part of the deluxe wash.
Is it? I didn't know that.
Sure. Or you can go with just the nipple wash by itself,
but it's a better value if you go deluxe.
Now I see. Then the nips are fine.
No, you're right. I'll talk to them.
We shouldn't have the nipples out.
Just looking out for you.
Just looking out for you, too. I wouldn't want you falling down
and breaking that pretty little a...
ca... camera.
Yeah, that'd be awful.
You know, you're doing a nice job with the car wash,
even though I wasn't exactly sold on it.
That makes two of us.
Seems like the girls are into it, too.
And my film might actually turn out better than I thought,
that is, if the girls in my class don't steal my footage
and burn it.
That wouldn't be so bad, would it?
Kidding. Kidding.
I'm sure you've probably got enough
car wash footage, though, right?
I could use more footage. Unless you don't want me around.
No, no, no, no. That's not what I meant. I... no.
I totally want you...
around. Around, you know what I mean.
Then I'll be around.
Cool.
Hey, guys, am I interrupting?
Actually...
I need another beer.
Wow. Someone has a bug up her ass.
Nope. I don't think she has any bugs up her ass.
Or anywhere else.
You're the boss. And a really good one.
Well. I don't know about that.
If wasn't for your creativity, none of it would have worked.
I didn't really do all that much.
Aw, you're being modest.
No, but, I was thinking that maybe we should
tone down some of the sexy stuff.
Why would we want to do that?
I mean, I want the business to be successful, of course,
but you know just not with all the nudity.
What's wrong with a little... nudity?
Nothing, in the right context.
Is this the right context?
Yeah, sure.
But, ya know, the car wash isn't really the place...
But, you know I'm all about customer satisfaction.
Customer satisfaction is critical.
Aw, Jack, you're blushing.
Am I? No.
Just. One. More. Button.
Jack, you can't feel a girl up and leave her hanging.
It's not polite.
Am I right, Brit?
I didn't... I wasn't... I wouldn't...
I'll see you guys tomorrow.
But, Brit, look. But, we're celebrating.
Then celebrate. I'm tired.
You may want to put those away.
Yeah. I'm gonna go back to the party.
That's what I'm talking about!
So all I was saying for is that,
we just need to be careful about going too far.
But going too far is too much fun.
Especially when Tori has a few drinks in her!
Put on a show for us, Tori!
Go, Tori! Go, Tori! Go, Tori!
Is this going too far?
No!
Is this too much?
Keep going!
Hi.
You got the poor kid speechless!
Give him a lap dance!
Hell yeah!
Careful, Marvin. You might hurt someone with that thing!
Come out. We're having so much fun.
I'm tired. And you're drunk.
I'm not even that drunk.
Okay, maybe I'm a little that drunk.
You're such a good friend.
Thanks, friend.
Yeah. You should be a bikini girl.
I do not have the body for that.
What? Come here...
Tori, what are you doing?
Let me look at you.
Tori, what are you doing?
Tori, come on...
Tori!
You have really nice legs.
Tori, what are you doing?
Come on! Let me see you.
Tori, this is weird.
Tori?
Perfect. Wow.
Why aren't you seeing anyone? Are you a good kisser?
I don't know. I haven't really had much practice.
That's crazy. You're such a cute girl.
Come on, lick your lips for me.
Again, but with more tongue.
Yeah, that was perfect. Really, so good...
I love you so much.
Tori?
Tori? Tori?
Dammit.
Whoa, Tracy?
What the fuck?
Good morning to you, too.
What happened?
You don't remember?
Well, you were pretty drunk.
I came over after the party. I guess I needed a booty call.
I don't... Did we...?
Baby. You rocked my world.
I'm kidding, you passed out. It seemed a bit rapey.
But, you're up now.
You're not up.
Aren't you supposed to get morning wood or something?
No. Hey, hey, hey. Tracy, look...
I'm sorry about this.
Your penis?
No. Not my penis. Look,
hey... I've had fun with you and everything.
It's, there's someone else who...
Thank god.
I thought it was me. I'm gonna go text Vex.
He seems like a kinky motherfucker!
Wow.
Hey, Marvin.
Hey, Mia.
Could I ask you for some advice?
Yeah, sure, what's up?
Okay, I have this friend who really likes this girl
and wants to ask her out. But he's a bit apprehensive.
That's pretty normal. Is he cute?
Well, I'm not sure how one might categorize his appearance,
but let's just he's no stud muffin.
Does he have a personality? Is he funny?
Girls like funny. Funny can be pretty hot.
Like, jokes? Or ventriloquism?
Put it this way, the guys I date are cute,
but they're also funny. The last guy I dated was about a seven,
but he had a great personality, which made him a nine.
Gosh. I didn't know girls rated guys.
Of course we do.
So, tell your "friend" that a little humor goes a long way.
And good luck.
Well, hey, shit bag!
Bobby, easy.
Fellas. I got the dough.
Yeah, you better have!
What'd I do?
Ya never stop.
Stop what?
-You're like an earwig... -An earwig?
Just nattering tete-tete-te, day in, day out!
No, I...
You never shut up. I can't even think when I'm around you!
But what the fuck is an earwig?
Forget it!
Here it is.
Yeah, five. We're good.
Damn. I was looking forward to breaking both your arms
and beating you with them.
Pa-Paw!
Lucky prick.
Hey! Can I get a receipt?
He...
This guy!
How 'bout this, I'll give ya a "get the fuck outta here!"
That works!
What?
No, I'm trying not to talk.
Good.
But you know, I really don't think I talk all that much
to begin with, and when I do, it's because I got
something to say or to state my opinion. And you know what,
given the freedoms we have in this country
you could say what you want to...
God help me!
Hey!
-Hey, Marvin. -Tori...
do you know how to spot a blind guy at a nudist colony?
What?
It's not hard. Get it?
What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling!
That's disgusting. I gotta get back to work.
Maybe it's my delivery. What do you think Martin?
Vex! Stop bombing Vanessa's shoot!
We got some nice shots, V.
Awesome, thank you!
So Jack, I have to thank you for bringing me on at the car wash.
Bikini car wash.
Jack the exploiter. He's so proud.
Come on, Brit. You know I'm not trying to do that.
I'm just busting your stones. Relax!
Really, no biggie.
Nobody's forcing us to work there.
We're getting paid and it's fun. And I could make a few bucks.
Maybe we're exploiting the guys who are willing
to pay way too much to have their cars washed.
You're preaching to the choir, Vanessa!
Vex agrees with me? Maybe I am wrong.
Forget everything I said.
I'll just upload these for you.
Thanks, Brit. You rock. See you guys tomorrow.
See? Vanessa likes the bikini car wash.
Shut it.
Hey, who's ready to go in the pool?
No, no. No, Stop! Stop! No! Don't...
Alright, ladies, so we're offering detailing now.
So, just make sure to take a look at
the new price list I handed out.
Plus we're offering referral coupons.
These are really good ideas, Jack.
Great. Marvin got us a good deal on sealant,
so we can offer that now. Try to get the customers
to upgrade, you know. It'll make us, and you all, more money.
I like the sound of that!
We'll get them to upgrade!
sexy, not slutty.
I'm not changing anything.
We want to give the customers a reason to come back, right?
Well, yeah, of course. But Jack said...
Jack's doing this for his stupid class.
He doesn't know what's best.
I think he's doing a really nice job.
The customers will come back for us, not for sealant.
Without us, there's nothing.
So let's give them a reason to come back.
I'm screwed. Now they're working together. What am I gonna do?
Just talk to her, man. Ask her out.
I tried to tell her some jokes...
Jokes? How'd that go?
It didn't. You guys were right. She's in a league of her own.
Marvin, look, they're all in leagues of their own, alright?
You just gotta figure out which approach works best.
Easier said that done.
Think of it like a computer program
you're trying to figure out.
Like coding?
Yes, exactly!
So, talking to a girl is like building a website?
Okay, fuck the coding thing. Look, just talk to her.
Ask her out.
Okay. But, what if she says no?
Marvin, look, if she says "yes" then great.
If not, then just move on to someone else.
Alright? Cause look, Marvin, you're a smart motherfucker
and some chicks, they dig smart motherfuckers.
Yeah... I am a smart motherfucker!
Damn right you are!
I got this!
Damn right you do! Yeah.
So, do you think he really has a chance with Tori?
He needed a boost.
I'm just afraid he'll get his hopes up, you know?
Yeah. But, I mean, you know, what else should he do?
Nothing? I mean, in high school, I wasn't all that smooth
remember? It was Vex that gave me the boost I needed.
Megan Tucci, I remember. But she said "no."
Yup. But it made it easier to ask out the next girl.
Who also said "no."
No, she said "Hell no!"
But eventually, one said yes.
I like that. You really want to help him.
I'll admit, it's kinda sexy.
You think?
Just one second.
Bikini... Car Wash. Thank you for calling.
Jack! Keeping busy?
Very! Actually.
Really?
Just... making a few twerks, tweaks!
Makin-Just trying to jump-start business! That's all.
Terrific! I'm interested in hearing about these tweaks.
I'm sure you'll be impressed! Okay, bye.
I'm screwed.
Pretty much.
Hi.
Hi, Marvin.
Did you wanna ask me something?
Or, are you just gonna stare at me all day?
Yeah! I was... Are you busy, like, later?
Don't know. Depends. Why?
Well, I was wondering if you wanted to
go out with me or something?
Me? Go out with you?
Yeah. I know I'm not the typical kind of guy you go for,
but I am a nice guy. And I'm fun as hell.
Anyway, I'm not gonna beg. There are lots of girls
in the world who'd love to go out with me, but I'm asking you.
I'll think about it.
Hey.
Woo!
What happened?
She said she'll think about it!
I am so glad Jack pumped me up.
By the way, why aren't you and Jack together?
Don't mean to pry.
I don't know. I mean, we've always just been friends.
I don't think he's into me like that.
All guys are into girls like that.
It's a well-known fact, you see.
Are you the dating expert now?
Well, I've researched the dating scene ever since I hit puberty.
And just because I'm normally scared of the opposite sex,
I've learned quite a few things regarding relationships,
at least in theory.
In theory...
I've got the charts to prove it.
Bye! Come back soon!
See, you're a natural.
Shut up.
Guess who just asked me out?
Marvin?
Yeah! It's a good idea, getting back at my ex, don't you think,
going out with a guy like Marvin?
Your ex was a real asshole.
Amanda!
What! I just meant for cheating on you.
I know, he's pretty dumb.
Well, you should hang out with us, too.
Hey, Mia said you wanted to talk?
Yeah. I need you to tone things down.
Alright, but Vex said it was okay.
Vex? Look, he's not running this thing. I am, okay?
If you can't follow the rules,
I won't be able to have you on for the last few days of this.
I'm doing it because of my girl.
Because you're getting breast implants?
No, not those girls. My daughter. Her dad is a deadbeat.
I had no idea. Sorry.
I'm sorry. I should've told you.
Look, everyone has stuff going on. Alright?
Just play it cool, you know. Don't cross the line. Alright?
I've got a lot riding on this, I just don't wanna blow it.
Okay?
Thank you.
Hey, bro! Want a sammy?
You told the girls it was okay to sex it up out there?
You know I didn't want that, man.
My grade and everything is on the line here.
It was Kelly's idea, really.
When did you talk to her about it?
I don't know. You know, the other night.
Before or after you had sex?
I didn't say we had sex.
Before.
I mean, I was stressed about cash.
And Marvin said sex lowers your blood pressure,
so that's why I did it, you know. For health reasons.
You had sex with her for your health?
Yeah?
And you're blaming Marvin now?
Vex. I am supposed to be in charge here, man.
You went behind my back.
Well I didn't think it was that big a deal!
You're not gonna can me, are ya?
I don't know, man. I gotta think about it.
Stupid fucking penis!
-Hey! -Hey!
So, did you fire, Vex? He's refusing to get drunk.
No, that'd be pretty ruthless. Or is it heartless?
Not sure. Ask your sisters.
So, does the inventor of Easy-Corn think running
a business is harder then he thought it'd be?
First of all, Easy-Corn could be a hit, if marketed well.
Dude, it's corn, in a baggy!
It's the perfect snack! Come on.
And now, a bikini car wash.
My ideas are just ahead of their time.
Sure, that's what it is.
My Dad's gonna kill me.
Probably. But, fuck it, ya know? You're not your dad.
And, I didn't think the bikini car wash was the best plan.
But you know what? It works and it's helping everyone.
Yeah, and it saved Vex from getting his legs broken.
Can Vex be saved?
It's weird, and I never thought I'd say it, Easy-Corn,
but your bikini car wash is actually doing some good.
Girls in my class would kill me for saying that.
Well, look. If they do, just make sure you film it.
You think she's with her ex?
Yeah. Probably.
She say anything about going out with me?
No.
Why do we like her? Is she even our type?
Is it just because she's hot? If she went for me,
it would only be temporary. I know that.
I even calculated the chance that she was actually into me
and it is infinitesimally small.
I probably have the same chance.
No. I calculated yours, too. It was marginally higher.
And how did you calculate that, exactly?
Charts and graphs mainly. It's very complicated.
I didn't know she's into girls, too.
But I can't say I blame her
You look magnificent in a bikini.
No, that must be the booze talking.
Nope. I have a very high alcohol tolerance.
Well, it was fun, but it's just not really my thing.
Just did it for her. Dumb, right?
Not at all. I don't dress up nice for just anyone,
except for like a prom date or something like that you know...
You know, I think a nice shirt
is a lot different than a bikini, Marvin.
Yeah, I guess. You look fantastic now, too.
Not just in a bikini. I just never noticed before.
Not sure why.
If I were Tori, I'd totally be into you.
If I were her...
Tor... I'm gonna...
Hey.
Looked like you were having fun.
No, it was nothing. Where were you?
My ex's. He's such an ass.
I told him that Marvin asked me out
and he just got all mad. But it's whatever.
Come here.
I really love this dress on you.
Thank you.
I told you that you had really nice legs.
You feel nice, baby.
Are you drunk already?
A teeny bit.
Come on, I thought you were having fun...
Yeah, it was fun, but I just don't think you're my type.
Where were we?
Well... we were sitting on the couch.
And there was kissing.
Like that?
I-ffirmative.
But what about Tori?
She's not our type.
Hey, Brittany.
Hey.
Look, I'm sorry if I was mopey and lame last night.
You were mopey. And super lame.
And well, I thought about what you said the other day...
and I gotta come clean to my Dad and the professor.
It's really my only option.
You're gonna have to let me film that.
So, Jack, what makes a successful business?
Hard work, good work ethic. Hard work...
You said that already!
Yo, Jack. Hey, bro. Do you got a sec?
Sure.
So, I just want to say that...
I'm sorry for going behind your back.
You know, I really do want this to succeed. And not just for me,
and the fact that I can basically
like look at boobies all day.
But because you're my best friend, ya know. And...
I think you're a kick-ass boss.
Thanks, man.
You just don't want to be kicked out of the house.
Yeah, that, too... And the boobies.
Sorry about that.
It's cool, but I do have to tell you something.
Okay, shoot.
What the hell, man! I paid my debt!
I'm not here for your debt. I quit Paulie's gang.
But I'm out of money, so I'm here to take yours.
Where do you keep the cash, bitch?
Dude, we just made a deposit.
Bullshit!
Dude, why don't you just like rob a gas station or something.
I know yous guys gots it here somewhere!
We ain'ts gots no money, man.
Alright that's bullshit, and don't make fun of my accent!
You should never quit a job without a back-up plan.
This is my back-up plan!
Not a very good one.
Even a retail job will be something.
Yeah, like a stock boy or something.
Yeah. Except you do have to work holidays.
True, and the customers are...
I'm not working fucking retail!
They're just trying to help, man.
You shut your mouth, dickbag!
Why didn't you yell at them when they suggested retail?
It was your condescending tone, you freaking dweeb!
I wasn't condescending!
Fine, they fired me. Alright. Ya happy?
They said I was being too temperamental.
Which is bullshit, I mean, yeah, I like to kick shit
and blow things up every once in a while.
But considering my upbringing, I'm pretty fucking low-key!
Low-key?
Alright, that's it.
Wait a second there mister!
Bitch, I will kick your ass!
You should work retail!
NOOOO!
Okay, enough!
Now, listen you spaghetti-loving ass, this is Jack's business,
not yours. So the money he makes is his, got it?
Got it...
No! Please don't slap me!
I swear to god I'ma leave him alone! I promise I won't...
What the hell?
Man, that was close. Whoo...
My balls are on fire.
You were pretty good, Bobby.
It felt good. I thought maybe the middle was bit much.
No, it was just right.
Hey, guys! Guys! Wh-what's going on?
they hurt.
Bobby is in my theater class.
And this was my improv final. It felt pretty good.
You get it all?
Yeah, got it.
I can actually taste the pain.
So, you're not a mobster guy?
Well, it got a little bit on the side. I'd rather be an actor.
I'm trying to get out of the mob biz. Big Tony though?
Woof... He's the real deal. He scares me, honestly.
Well, you scared us.
Aw, thanks. It's a compliment. Truly is.
Can I make it up to you though? I feel terrible.
Honestly. Yeah, and your balls dude...
Two things. Number one. Get Paulie off of our ass.
I'll see what I can do. I can't promise anything,
but some guys just did open a strip club next to his bar,
so they're gonna want us to offer some "protection."
Yeah, it could "explode".
You never know.
Yeah.
What's the second thing?
That was a pretty good freakin' idea.
Exploiting both sexes? Very smart.
It's just balance.
Like adding orange juice to a lemonade stand.
Vex, suit up.
Yes, sir!
Hello!
-Hey! -Hey.
You were pretty brave with that mob guy.
You mean the part-time mob guy student actor
playing a stereo-typical mob guy?
You didn't know that at the time.
It wasn't a big deal.
So, you and Amanda?
Yeah.
Would you ever have gone out with me anyway?
Marvin, trust me, you don't need the drama.
Besides, you guys make a really cute couple.
Just, don't tell her any jokes.
Deal! And how about you?
My ex wanted to get back together... I said "no thanks."
He's not my type.
And you're gonna be okay?
Yeah, I just need to be alone for a while, you know.
Maybe like a day or two.
I'll figure out the rest.
So, how fast does this thing go?
0 to 69 in ten seconds flat!
Shit...
Paint my ass.
Unbelievable.
Wait till his mother sees this shit.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Made it into a god damn dormitory!
Kelly! You can't do that! He's an old guy, you could kill him.
I'm fine!
Jack, c'mon. Wait 'til you see the tip I get!
Look, I know you're doing this for your daughter and all,
but this is not how I want my business to run.
Did you actually believe me?
So you lied?
Come on, Jack, don't be such a prude.
You need me shaking my ass at the customers,
because that's what makes them happy.
She's right!
Red alert, Jack! Your Dad is here!
Fuck!
Jack!
There's no Jack working here.
Never has been. Thank you, come again.
Jack...
Dad!
Don't "Dad!" Me! What the hell is going on?
This is the business?
It's just, ya know...
And I was at the house, too.
Hey. My car is still very dirty.
One second, Dad.
We're gonna need another bikini girl.
Kelly, you can flag cars.
But Jack...
It's either that or nothing.
I'll flag.
So how'd you know I was here?
Shit!
I can explain, Professor.
Please do.
I'm just trying to figure out where to begin.
You lost your job, so instead of finding something else
you had some students rent some rooms to cover your rent.
Yeah, but I can get them to leave if that's what you want.
But just so you know, they're not just random students,
they're actually my friends.
Yo, Ferrari Guy is on the phone. He wants another wash
and he's got all these buddies at a Car Club.
They want a wash, too.
Talk about this later. Please.
So, am I getting a car wash today?
Hallelujah!
Your housing situation, that's one thing. But this?
How did you end up here? You said you were doing well.
Dad. I failed my Business Final,
and I didn't do so well on a couple of other projects.
Can I just say though, that the chocolate-covered sausage
may not be for everyone, but I thought it was inspired.
Thanks, Brit.
Jack, I gave you a chance. I did it for your dad. And this?
This is what you did with it? A bikini car wash?
I'm sure you can understand the professor's concerns, Jack.
Yeah, he looks pretty pissed.
He is. This isn't what I had in mind.
I analyzed your sales history and this week we brought
in more money than your last three months combined.
That's gotta count for something.
Hey, I just gotta say. This is easily
the best job I've ever had. I usually wanna quit after like,
two minutes, but it's not like that here.
Yeah, and I was able to pay for classes
so I could continue going to school.
And I got the best car wash ever!
And I... got laid.
Which is a miracle, honestly,
but probably not the best time for that announcement buddy.
Admittedly,
it does look like they kicked up the sales a notch.
Sales are impressive, but using bikinis and what not...
It's called marketing, sir.
Plus, I mean, you never said we couldn't do it this way. Right?
Is that Bobby...?
Hey, Dildo Dave!
Bobby Bullets... Yeah, he works here now.
And by the way, Jack was able to stop the extortion
that was going on here from those mob weirdos
that you somehow failed to mention.
Imagine the headlines
if one of your students was hurt because of that?
I didn't know they were due this week.
Regardless, they wont be bothering you any longer.
'Cause Jack handled it.
We handled it.
Considering none of us knew anything about running
a car wash, I'd say we kicked ass.
I know that some of my projects this semester
may have been lacking...
Hey! Long live "BanoNut"!
But you know,
I'd have to say that this should be considered a success.
So, if this doesn't work out,
maybe I'll open up my own little bikini car wash,
and I'll bring all my friends with me.
That's my boss!
A+?
Not quite, but it'll be good enough for you to barely pass.
Yes! I barely passed!
So that's what we're paying for college for?
So you can barely pass?
No, Dad. No. No. No...
I took on a challenge and we made it work.
That was the assignment. Grades are just
letters and numbers. But this place...
To me, this... this is what defines success or not.
And the fact that we have shitloads of customers here
and more on the way, I think that speaks for itself.
Boy. I'm gonna have to sell this to your mother, you know.
Can I film that?
-No! -No!
So, that's it. Your extra credit is done. You guys can go.
But we've... we've got more cars coming.
Yeah, Car Club folks.
And tons more later this afternoon.
Well, we wouldn't want to lose business now, would we?
Alright we got a big order coming in, guys.
All hands on deck.
Kelly, too. We're gonna need her.
Jack, I like that you rose to the challenge.
You know what impressed me? When you didn't fire that gal.
That would've been the easier way out.
She's a hard worker, just needs a little guidance.
Don't we all.
So, I wanted to ask you something.
No, Jack. I am not gonna join the bikini girl car wash.
Are you sure? 'Cause there's
a hot pink bikini out there somewhere with your name on it.
No, I was just thinking that maybe if you weren't,
you know...
Will you go out with me?
Like a date?
Exactly like a date.
I don't know if I can go out with the subject of my film.
I thought you were just filming that
for all your feminist friends so they can hunt me down.
When I started, it was about college life,
but then it changed. I decided to make it about...
Hey! We got another Ferrari coming in!
We could use some help, bro.
You.
The story of a dorky, but kinda cute guy
trying to open a business, and making it work.
"Cute?"
I guess.
Whoa!
Hey, maybe we can use Easy-Corn in your film.
A little product placement, ya know.
No.
No? Okay.
So that's how I started my business.
Our business,
'cause it's not just me.
It's these awesome people around me that made it work.
And yeah, the bikinis help.
So, what's the secret to running a successful business?
Hard work and determination.
And boobies!
Shake that booty, shake, shake that booty. Yeah, yeah.
Tenacity!
And Balls.
And accurate calculations...
The girls!
Another secret to a successful business?
Easy-Corn, BanoNut, Corn-a-Macabre.
Gag!
The threat of violence.
Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa!
Running a business takes a lot of things,
but principally... honesty.
Self confidence.
Trust.
How about the guns?
probably... me!
Tori... I swear to God... she digs me!
Wait, what was the question?
You know my answer. it starts with a "B"...
Oooh... Dedication, probably.
What is that?
Martin wants to answer the questions too!
Focus!
And guts!
And it rhymes with "newbies"
It's all about the Benjamins, baby!
As stated in my class, fifty percent of small businesses
fail on their first year.
And with these three monkeys running it...
it'll definitely fall in that category.
Wait, what's YOUR answer, Brit?
Hey, I'm the interviewer here!
No you don't!
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