WEBVTT

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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

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Our next guest, dubbed
"The Rocky Mountain Rambo,"

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got tired of waiting himself,
so he traveled to Pakistan.

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How close did you
actually get to bin Laden?

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Tonight with Gary Faulkner.

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This is
Gary Faulkner. Good luck.

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Gary is an adventurer
who set his sites

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- on hunting Osama bin Laden.
- Gary Faulkner

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made headlines for travelling

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to Pakistan
to capture Osama bin Laden.

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Dateline 2004.

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Land... the lawless,
tribal region of Pakistan.

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Our story concerns
Gary Faulkner,

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a part-time construction worker
with bad kidneys

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and a full-time
American patriot,

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who, after years of watching
the United States

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fruitlessly hunt
for Osama bin Laden,

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claimed he was visited by God

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and accepted a mission to find
and capture bin Laden himself.

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Armed with only a sword
and knife,

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Mr. Faulkner travelled to one
of the most dangerous places

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on the planet
to bring bin Laden to justice.

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Here I come!

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As strange
as it is compelling,

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this is a true story,

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or a story
that has truth in it,

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or maybe... elements of truth.

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Gee, pretty boy,
your time has come.

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The G has arrived.

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Like most stories,
ours began long ago,

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when the hero was but a boy.

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Take that, twerp.

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Don't come around here anymore.

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Hello, Gary.

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What ails you, my child?

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Did those heathen brutes
just burst your balloon?

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Children can be
real pricks sometimes.

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Gary, see that kid there?

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In a few years time,
the guilt he accumulates

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from committing this kind
of bullying will lead

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to him becoming a horrible
crystal meth addict,

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and he's gonna die
in a meth deal gone bad.

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Shit happens, Gary.

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Crying about it
don't do any good.

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But this, Gary...
this is your sword that

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I give onto thee,
and as long as you behold it,

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you need never fear any man.

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You are special.

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I choose you
to wield this sword,

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and as long as
it's in your possession,

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you need never know fear again.

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Hello?

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Hey, Gary, it's Pickles.

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Pickles, wow!
What's up, man?

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Glad you called,
I need a place to crash.

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I've been crashing
at the job site.

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Gary has been
described as everything

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from a hero to a crackpot.

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Dr. Jonathan Boudin

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of the Denver Clinic
for Psychiatric Care

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told us that Gary, quote,

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"does not suffer
from psychosis, paranoia,

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or schizophrenia."

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Clinically speaking,

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he's as sane as you or me.

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But you be the judge.

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Worst part of having this
bad kidney,

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getting dialysis
three times a week

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is they won't let me
eat chicken wings.

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Man, this country makes
the best goddamn chicken wings

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in the world.

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Now, I haven't seen
the whole world,

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I haven't tasted chicken wings
in Africa,

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but I'd be willing to bet the
right ball on a broke-dick dog

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that no place makes better wings
than they do here.

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Some other reasons America's
the best country ever,

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fastest cars.

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Now, some douche nugget
pointed out

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that the ltalians
and the Germans

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make faster rides on account
of their Ferraris,

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and their Mercedes.

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Well, I'm talking about
non-fascist automobiles.

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Also, I'm pretty sure
more people kick ass here

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than in any other country.

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I mean, some people claim
that you can't quantify

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kick-assedness.

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Those are usually people who's
asses have been recently kicked.

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What is crazy?
I mean, is crazy bad?

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Wasn't it crazy to believe
all men were created equal?

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Wasn't it crazy to
believe in life, liberty...

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From the first moment,

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Gary made clear
that he would not fit

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with anyone's expectations.

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And refused to believe
he was destined

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for anything other
than greatness.

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As he continually told those
around him,

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"You have to think crazy,
to accomplish crazy things."

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I don't know, but I once got
a fortune cookie that said,

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" In boldness,
there is greatness,"

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and I believe that fortune
cookie was correct.

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I can't stand foreign beer.

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Anybody that drinks foreign beer
or foreign whiskey

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should be shot as a traitor.

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- Come on.
- That's what we love about you, Gary, man.

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It's hard to be down around you.

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- I got to piss.
- Idiots!

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...reports that U.S. forces

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have been very close
to capturing bin Laden,

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but that was about
three years ago.

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We intend, fully intend,
to-to find him.

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We don't know
where Osama bin Laden, um, is.

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Government clowns.

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The hunt for bin Laden

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has been a cold well
for a long time.

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They're botching up the plan
to get bin Laden!

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Look, I know I'm a Leo,

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but it's easier for a mouse
to get into a castle

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than it is for a lion.

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I'd go in there,
and I'd boost that fucker

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right out from underneath their noses.

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Hey, buddy.

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You think you could do
a better job over there?

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Is that what you're saying?

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Oh, you're a Marine.

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- I am a Marine.
- Well, that's awesome.

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Listen, I really appreciate what
you boys are doing over there,

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and I understand
the price of freedom,

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the sacrifice, but look,

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you've got your program,
and I got mine, that's all.

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But l-let me buy you a drink.
What do you have?

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What are you gonna pay
for that with?

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Your unemployment check?

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Oh.

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Gary... Gary...

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Just let it go.

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Quick contest, Semper fi.

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Let's throw this knife
across the room

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over to that dart board.

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You get closest
to the bull's-eye,

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I'll buy everyone
in this bar a drink, okay?

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I get closest, you buy me
a drink and you apologize

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for being a dick.

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Yeah, you're on.

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Pretty good.

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Sometimes when people get close
to the bull's-eye,

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they get a little cocky.

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Sure hope that isn't gonna be
your problem.

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Yeah.

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Knight the kings.

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Oh!

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Goddamn it, Gary,
not again!

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The blade missed
most of Roy's tendons.

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And, like the previous
three times,

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he was soon back at the bar

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with little more
than a bruised ego.

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Why would you buy a showerhead

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from a country
that doesn't take showers?

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Don't buy that toilet,
that toilet was made in Africa.

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Pygmies made that toilet
and they take small shits.

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Your turd, your potty,
your poo, as it were,

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won't make it past the flusher.

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Yoo-hoo.

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No, seriously,
why would you buy a faucet

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from a country in the midst
of a drought?

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I don't know what
you're putting up,

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but that ain't gonna hold it.

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I want you to trust me

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because I'm probably the only
person in this whole store

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that'll tell you the truth.

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Now, if you need anything at
all, you call me.

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I'm Gary Faulkner,
your go-to handyman.

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Oh, what...

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Gary Faulkner.

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Marci Mitchell.

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Oh, my God!

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I cannot believe it!

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You look great.

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You look great.

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I had so many fantasies
about you in high school.

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I must've gone through
about 100 boxes of Kleenex.

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That is disgusting,
but I'll take it.

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- Why would you...
- Because I always had a crush on you.

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What've you been doing
all these years?

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Oh, my life is boring.

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Uh, you know...

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- went in and out of community college,
- Uh-huh.

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And then, you know, now I work
at The Olive Garden.

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Olive Garden, that's a great
restaurant. Well, good.

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- I answer phones at a dentist office.
- Uh-huh.

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- Calligraphy on the side.
- Calligraphy?

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For wedding invitations,
stuff like that.

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Dating only idiots.

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Uh, 'cause that...
those are the kinds of people

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- that can spend time with me, with my schedule.
- Uh-huh.

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- You know, losers that have nothing else to do.
- Yeah.

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Um...

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You remember my sister Carrie?

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Sure, yeah, she made you look
like a girl scout.

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Uh... well, she,
she passed away.

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And, uh, she OD'd

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in Colorado Springs,
like, eight years ago.

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Wow, that's...
I'm-I'm sorry, that's...

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- She got really bad into drugs and, uh..
- I'm sorry.

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Yeah.

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Had a kid with her dealer 'cause

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that's a... kind of stupid
decision you make, but, um...

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And what happened to the kid?

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I adopted her.

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- Oh.
- Lizzie, she's my little princess.

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She's, like... all I have
in the world, so...

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- Oh, that's awesome!
- Yeah.

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- I got to keep it together because of her.
- Wow.

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- And, uh, it's why I'm working three jobs, that I...
- Yeah.

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Hate.

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Well, I'll drink to that.

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Well, I don't
do that anymore, so...

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- No. Shit!
- I don't do that.

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Only making good decisions.

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Hey, listen, do you want
to get an ice cream sundae

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with me tonight?

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Let's have ice cream.

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- Great.
- Not tonight.

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- Okay.
- I can't do it tonight.

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- But tomorrow night?
- Great.

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We're gonna have ice cream,
but you have to find me.

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Listen, you still got
that awesome tattoo?

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Yes!

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I'll find you.

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They don't call me
the psychic wizard for nothing.

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In the past five years,

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it appears that Osama bin Laden

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and billions
of American dollars

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have all but disappeared

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into the mountains
of western Pakistan.

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I'm serious, Pickles, we
got to get on this immediately!

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No waiting, no hesitating!

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Got to get on this
right fucking now!

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What the fuck is going on, man?

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Did you see that shit?

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No, I didn't see... Gary, look,
listen to me, -What?

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You got to stop with
the noise, okay?

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We can't deal with it anymore,

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we can't sleep back there.

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You've been here
for three months.

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You got to get a job,

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you got to get out of here, man.

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W-What... so? I'm sorry, okay?

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I'll quiet down. What is it?

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I love you, but you got to
get out of here, man.

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- Oh!
- You got to go.

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00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:04.520
You got to find a different
couch to sleep on, okay?

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00:11:04.680 --> 00:11:07.148
- Come on.
- I'm sorry, I'll, uh...

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Well, look, I'll...

254
00:11:08.560 --> 00:11:09.675
let me just, uh...

255
00:11:09.800 --> 00:11:11.233
if I can just finish tonight...

256
00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:12.760
- Yeah, just...
- and I'll clean up.

257
00:11:12.800 --> 00:11:14.472
Yeah, just stay here tonight,
it's fine.

258
00:11:14.600 --> 00:11:16.496
Thank you, buddy. Okay. -She's
trying to sleep, all right?

259
00:11:16.520 --> 00:11:17.656
Hey, you remember what
tomorrow is, right?

260
00:11:17.680 --> 00:11:19.750
- What?
- Dialysis.

261
00:11:19.880 --> 00:11:20.676
- Oh, right, yeah.
- Dialysis, all right.

262
00:11:20.800 --> 00:11:22.677
Yeah, I remember now.
Thanks, Pickles.

263
00:11:22.800 --> 00:11:24.552
So, tomorrow you're out.

264
00:11:24.680 --> 00:11:26.989
It is said that on a cold day

265
00:11:27.160 --> 00:11:28.434
in Valley Forge,

266
00:11:28.560 --> 00:11:30.551
George Washington talked to God

267
00:11:30.680 --> 00:11:33.319
as young Americans died
on the battlefield.

268
00:11:33.440 --> 00:11:35.431
Abraham Lincoln
talked to God daily.

269
00:11:35.560 --> 00:11:38.711
But Gary did them one better.

270
00:11:40.120 --> 00:11:42.270
Hello, Gary.

271
00:11:42.400 --> 00:11:45.437
Holy shit.

272
00:11:45.560 --> 00:11:47.994
Yes, I take a holy shit
every day.

273
00:11:48.120 --> 00:11:49.314
God?

274
00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:50.998
Well, Gary, I have many names.

275
00:11:51.120 --> 00:11:53.554
But God's kind of catchy,
don't you think?

276
00:11:53.680 --> 00:11:56.592
But you're the one true God?
Who created the universe?

277
00:11:56.720 --> 00:11:58.199
Yeah, more or less,

278
00:11:58.360 --> 00:12:00.176
but let's not dwell on that
cosmic shit right now.

279
00:12:00.200 --> 00:12:01.758
I've got a favor
to ask you, Gary.

280
00:12:01.880 --> 00:12:03.598
A favor?

281
00:12:03.720 --> 00:12:05.576
A tiny, little favor that
I'd like you, Gary Faulkner,

282
00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:06.715
to do for me.

283
00:12:06.840 --> 00:12:07.955
Of course.

284
00:12:09.600 --> 00:12:12.433
I'm calling it a favor
to be compassionate,

285
00:12:12.560 --> 00:12:13.959
and kind, and nice.

286
00:12:14.080 --> 00:12:18.153
It's more like a command really.

287
00:12:18.280 --> 00:12:19.395
You understand?

288
00:12:19.520 --> 00:12:20.555
I do.

289
00:12:20.680 --> 00:12:21.908
Okay, cool.

290
00:12:22.040 --> 00:12:24.349
I need you to go over
to Pakistan

291
00:12:24.480 --> 00:12:27.597
and capture that son of a bitch
Osama bin Laden for me.

292
00:12:27.720 --> 00:12:28.914
OBL?

293
00:12:29.040 --> 00:12:30.439
He's got to be taken down.

294
00:12:30.600 --> 00:12:32.909
He pulled that 9/11 shit
and fucked me right over.

295
00:12:33.040 --> 00:12:35.190
Now he's got to pay the price.

296
00:12:35.320 --> 00:12:37.515
No one else seems
to be able to do it, Gary.

297
00:12:37.640 --> 00:12:39.232
And my patience
is getting wafer thin.

298
00:12:39.400 --> 00:12:42.153
Capture bin Laden?

299
00:12:42.320 --> 00:12:44.231
Capture him,
bring him back alive though.

300
00:12:44.360 --> 00:12:46.920
Remember, thou shall not kill.

301
00:12:47.040 --> 00:12:48.439
So we're good?

302
00:12:48.560 --> 00:12:50.736
You'll go to Pakistan and
capture Osama bin Laden for me.

303
00:12:50.760 --> 00:12:52.239
Perfect.

304
00:12:52.360 --> 00:12:54.430
Oh, just so you know, Gary,
this is probably it.

305
00:12:54.560 --> 00:12:56.710
I've got no plans
to ever speak to you again,

306
00:12:56.840 --> 00:12:58.512
but I am everywhere, you know?

307
00:12:58.640 --> 00:13:00.710
All knowing, all seeing.

308
00:13:00.880 --> 00:13:02.393
Which, by the way,
isn't as much fun

309
00:13:02.520 --> 00:13:04.192
as it's cracked up to be.

310
00:13:07.360 --> 00:13:09.749
Wait. What do you mean?

311
00:13:11.640 --> 00:13:13.153
Dr. Jones to ER.

312
00:13:13.280 --> 00:13:15.396
Dr. Jones to ER.

313
00:13:25.640 --> 00:13:29.394
Oh, my God.

314
00:13:29.520 --> 00:13:30.919
How did you find me?

315
00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:32.798
I don't want to say I'm psychic,

316
00:13:32.920 --> 00:13:34.194
but if the shoe fits.

317
00:13:35.880 --> 00:13:37.393
Well, get in here.

318
00:13:37.520 --> 00:13:39.016
Oh, I want
to introduce you to Lizzie.

319
00:13:39.040 --> 00:13:40.760
She's got some challenges.
She doesn't talk.

320
00:13:40.880 --> 00:13:42.233
Oh, yeah.

321
00:13:42.360 --> 00:13:44.056
Well, you know, everybody talks,

322
00:13:44.080 --> 00:13:46.096
but only the real smart ones
don't use their mouths,

323
00:13:46.120 --> 00:13:47.235
right, Lizzie?

324
00:13:47.360 --> 00:13:48.776
Oh, and you have got

325
00:13:48.800 --> 00:13:50.119
a killer smile.

326
00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:51.856
Which can be used both
as a friendly thing

327
00:13:51.880 --> 00:13:54.136
and also as a weapon, which I'm
sure you're already aware of.

328
00:13:54.160 --> 00:13:56.071
Nonetheless, it's great to
finally meet you.

329
00:13:56.200 --> 00:13:57.553
Lizzie...

330
00:13:57.680 --> 00:13:59.830
have you got a power animal?

331
00:13:59.960 --> 00:14:01.678
Like a spirit animal?

332
00:14:01.800 --> 00:14:02.994
Like a guide?
I'll bet you do.

333
00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:04.758
See, mine's the donkey.

334
00:14:04.880 --> 00:14:08.429
Now, my dad used to call me
a jackass when I was a kid.

335
00:14:08.560 --> 00:14:10.198
And at first I thought
it was an insult,

336
00:14:10.320 --> 00:14:11.799
and then I realized
it's a compliment

337
00:14:11.920 --> 00:14:13.751
because jackasses are true,
hardworking

338
00:14:13.880 --> 00:14:15.438
and loyal.

339
00:14:15.560 --> 00:14:16.913
Now, what's your power animal?

340
00:14:18.360 --> 00:14:19.395
Oh!

341
00:14:19.520 --> 00:14:20.873
The seagull, good choice!

342
00:14:21.000 --> 00:14:22.416
Butterscotch or chocolate?

343
00:14:22.440 --> 00:14:24.715
I'm a butterscotch man myself,

344
00:14:24.880 --> 00:14:26.438
but I can go either way.

345
00:14:26.560 --> 00:14:27.816
Just like to make sure
everybody's happy

346
00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:29.319
with the sundaes and stuff.

347
00:14:29.440 --> 00:14:31.670
Butterscotch, goddamn it!

348
00:14:31.800 --> 00:14:33.995
Looks like I'm having
chocolate again.

349
00:14:34.120 --> 00:14:37.510
And I think I remember you like
the mint chocolate chip.

350
00:14:37.640 --> 00:14:39.119
How the hell
did you remember that?

351
00:14:39.240 --> 00:14:40.798
Mind like a steel trap.

352
00:14:42.160 --> 00:14:44.799
You and Osama bin Laden?

353
00:14:44.920 --> 00:14:46.990
How does that work?
What-what's your plan?

354
00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:48.576
Well, okay, you see,
that right off the bat

355
00:14:48.600 --> 00:14:50.511
is a bit of a misnomer
'cause it's not my plan,

356
00:14:50.640 --> 00:14:51.834
it's God's plan.

357
00:14:51.960 --> 00:14:54.235
I didn't make the rules,
God did.

358
00:14:54.360 --> 00:14:55.839
But the plan is

359
00:14:55.960 --> 00:14:58.679
I'm thinking about buying a boat
and sailing to Pakistan...

360
00:14:58.800 --> 00:15:01.314
- "Sailing to Pakistan?"
- Yeah, I was gonna...

361
00:15:01.440 --> 00:15:03.136
go to San Diego, buy a boat,
sail to Pakistan,

362
00:15:03.160 --> 00:15:04.593
capture Osama bin Laden,

363
00:15:04.720 --> 00:15:06.496
bring him back to America
for justice and stuff.

364
00:15:06.520 --> 00:15:08.616
That's the plan... it's pretty
simple when you think about it.

365
00:15:08.640 --> 00:15:10.995
That's crazy.

366
00:15:12.520 --> 00:15:14.238
Sometimes,

367
00:15:14.360 --> 00:15:16.351
things are so sane

368
00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:19.472
they are beyond
our comprehension...

369
00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:21.113
Do you know anything
about sailing?

370
00:15:21.240 --> 00:15:22.798
Marci!

371
00:15:22.920 --> 00:15:24.273
You're so funny!

372
00:15:24.440 --> 00:15:27.113
The pirates did it,
the Pilgrims did it,

373
00:15:27.240 --> 00:15:29.276
and they weren't even
21 st century guys.

374
00:15:29.400 --> 00:15:31.356
I'm a 21 st century guy!

375
00:15:31.480 --> 00:15:34.711
Gary, boats are
very expensive, right?

376
00:15:34.840 --> 00:15:36.319
Do you have that kind of money?

377
00:15:36.440 --> 00:15:37.793
I got a little tucked away.

378
00:15:37.920 --> 00:15:39.638
You'd be surprised
how much you can save

379
00:15:39.760 --> 00:15:41.456
when you don't pay your bills
and you live on job sites.

380
00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:44.631
Uh, things get
particularly "traumaticals,"

381
00:15:44.760 --> 00:15:46.557
I can ask Dr. Ross,
who's my kidney doctor,

382
00:15:46.680 --> 00:15:47.936
and he always has
some money around

383
00:15:47.960 --> 00:15:49.678
to give to a worthy cause.

384
00:15:49.840 --> 00:15:52.400
And I'm thinking about taking
Roy and Pickles with me to Vegas

385
00:15:52.520 --> 00:15:54.351
to make a little
extra cash for my trip.

386
00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:58.276
You see, I'm doing this

387
00:15:58.400 --> 00:15:59.799
for people like you and Lizzie,

388
00:15:59.920 --> 00:16:02.639
to bring the fight
into his backyard,

389
00:16:02.760 --> 00:16:04.034
to bring the fight to him,

390
00:16:04.160 --> 00:16:06.833
so he doesn't come
into our backyard.

391
00:16:06.960 --> 00:16:08.473
Well, walk me through it.

392
00:16:08.600 --> 00:16:10.416
What are you gonna do,
just fight him and kill him?

393
00:16:10.440 --> 00:16:12.078
No, no, that would be too easy.

394
00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:13.719
And I was told to capture him.

395
00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:16.195
And I-I don't want
to kill anyone, anyway.

396
00:16:16.320 --> 00:16:18.515
I think I would just...
kill him,

397
00:16:18.640 --> 00:16:19.755
on the spot, you know?

398
00:16:19.880 --> 00:16:21.154
I mean, not face-to-face,

399
00:16:21.280 --> 00:16:22.696
I don't want to see him
face-to-face,

400
00:16:22.720 --> 00:16:24.153
but from far away, definitely.

401
00:16:24.280 --> 00:16:25.720
Yeah, well,
if it comes down to that,

402
00:16:25.800 --> 00:16:27.518
then I'll drop a gun
in front of him

403
00:16:27.640 --> 00:16:29.392
I'll drop a gun
in front of me,

404
00:16:29.520 --> 00:16:31.351
and we'll draw, fair and square,

405
00:16:31.480 --> 00:16:32.879
Old West style.

406
00:16:41.200 --> 00:16:42.216
Your ramp is a piece of shit.

407
00:16:42.240 --> 00:16:43.958
I know.

408
00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:46.435
I-I can't afford to have it
fixed right now, so...

409
00:16:46.560 --> 00:16:49.199
You and Lizzie...

410
00:16:49.360 --> 00:16:51.999
you deserve better.

411
00:16:55.640 --> 00:16:57.437
Good night, Gary.

412
00:16:57.560 --> 00:16:58.913
Night.

413
00:17:06.200 --> 00:17:08.395
Yah! Eh-yah-eh!

414
00:17:08.520 --> 00:17:11.080
Cha! Eh-yah-eh!

415
00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:12.553
Yah!

416
00:17:12.680 --> 00:17:13.829
What the fuck?

417
00:17:13.960 --> 00:17:15.075
You're awful pretty

418
00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:16.315
first thing in the morning.

419
00:17:16.440 --> 00:17:19.034
I consider that a positive sign!

420
00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:21.390
Well, you look like shit.

421
00:17:21.560 --> 00:17:22.913
And you got a sense of humor,

422
00:17:23.040 --> 00:17:24.996
'cause I know that's not true.

423
00:17:25.120 --> 00:17:26.473
Hey, listen.
These are my buddies,

424
00:17:26.600 --> 00:17:28.397
Roy...

425
00:17:28.520 --> 00:17:30.033
- Good morning.
- Pickles...

426
00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:31.856
- How are you?
- Two of the nicest dudes you'll ever meet.

427
00:17:31.880 --> 00:17:33.791
I... thank you

428
00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:35.035
for what you're doing,

429
00:17:35.160 --> 00:17:36.416
but, you know, it's really early

430
00:17:36.440 --> 00:17:37.720
and Lizzie's still asleep, so...

431
00:17:37.760 --> 00:17:39.016
Now, listen,
when we're finished,

432
00:17:39.040 --> 00:17:40.296
you're gonna have
a brand-new ramp

433
00:17:40.320 --> 00:17:41.639
and it's gonna be the envy

434
00:17:41.760 --> 00:17:43.336
of every crippled kid
in the neighborhood.

435
00:17:43.360 --> 00:17:44.816
We don't say "cripple."
She's challenged.

436
00:17:44.840 --> 00:17:46.717
Oh. You mean like us guys.

437
00:17:46.840 --> 00:17:48.671
Yeah.

438
00:17:48.800 --> 00:17:49.949
Um...

439
00:17:50.080 --> 00:17:51.399
Thank you.

440
00:17:51.520 --> 00:17:52.776
How much... how much
do I owe you for this?

441
00:17:52.800 --> 00:17:54.756
Marci Mitchell, not a dime.

442
00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:56.359
That little girl
deserves the best.

443
00:17:56.480 --> 00:17:59.153
But it might just cost you
a whole lot of love.

444
00:18:01.040 --> 00:18:02.632
Well, um...

445
00:18:02.760 --> 00:18:05.718
- I might be a little short this month.
- Ooh.

446
00:18:05.840 --> 00:18:07.478
See, now there's
that smile again.

447
00:18:07.600 --> 00:18:09.750
That smile is something

448
00:18:09.880 --> 00:18:11.160
I'm gonna be thinking
a lot about

449
00:18:11.240 --> 00:18:12.440
while I'm sailing to Pakistan.

450
00:18:12.520 --> 00:18:13.953
You are glowing,

451
00:18:14.080 --> 00:18:15.195
Marci Mitchell.

452
00:18:15.360 --> 00:18:17.032
You are radioactive.

453
00:18:17.160 --> 00:18:19.799
You are my lucky charm.

454
00:18:23.240 --> 00:18:25.276
I'm telling you, it was God.

455
00:18:25.400 --> 00:18:27.709
Like, Old Testament,
New Testament Lord on high.

456
00:18:27.840 --> 00:18:29.400
He came to my bedside
in the free clinic

457
00:18:29.480 --> 00:18:30.674
and he told me to do this.

458
00:18:30.800 --> 00:18:32.080
And I know you guys
are skeptics.

459
00:18:32.120 --> 00:18:33.314
Pickles, I know you're, like,

460
00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:35.476
quasi-Buddhist backslash
Senecan stoic,

461
00:18:35.600 --> 00:18:37.096
but I'm telling you it was God,
he spoke to me,

462
00:18:37.120 --> 00:18:38.712
and I gotta do this!

463
00:18:38.840 --> 00:18:40.068
Hey, man, we're not arguing.

464
00:18:40.200 --> 00:18:42.350
We love Vegas.

465
00:18:42.480 --> 00:18:44.056
Hey, Gary, we were wondering:
what did God look like?

466
00:18:44.080 --> 00:18:46.230
About how you'd imagine.
Maybe a little younger.

467
00:18:46.360 --> 00:18:48.096
That's weird, I always thought
he would've looked like

468
00:18:48.120 --> 00:18:49.553
Phil Donahue
or someone like that.

469
00:18:49.680 --> 00:18:51.016
I always thought
he'd be, like, a lion

470
00:18:51.040 --> 00:18:52.376
with, like,
James Earl Jones' voice.

471
00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:53.549
Mm, that's cool.

472
00:18:53.680 --> 00:18:55.193
Hey, what did God say
we should play?

473
00:18:55.360 --> 00:18:56.634
You play whatever you want.

474
00:18:56.760 --> 00:18:58.320
This is God's house,
it's like a church.

475
00:18:58.360 --> 00:18:59.475
We can't lose.

476
00:19:01.000 --> 00:19:02.718
Come on, red!

477
00:19:02.840 --> 00:19:04.876
Oh!

478
00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:10.313
- Go.
- Let 'em come.

479
00:19:13.160 --> 00:19:15.116
Oh!

480
00:19:18.440 --> 00:19:20.237
Uh...

481
00:19:20.360 --> 00:19:21.839
I don't know, I think...

482
00:19:21.960 --> 00:19:23.560
I'm all right.
I'm all right right there.

483
00:19:23.640 --> 00:19:25.456
- No. Gary, come on.
- No, no, no. No, no. Don't do it.

484
00:19:25.480 --> 00:19:27.675
Oh! Oh!

485
00:19:27.800 --> 00:19:29.313
You did it!

486
00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:31.590
He's my friend.
He is my friend.

487
00:19:31.720 --> 00:19:32.835
- And he is lucky.
- Hey.

488
00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:34.279
Are you smoking marijuana?

489
00:19:34.440 --> 00:19:36.032
No shit, Einstein.

490
00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:37.680
You think I might be
smoking some weed?

491
00:19:37.760 --> 00:19:38.976
Uh, you need to put
that out right now

492
00:19:39.000 --> 00:19:40.433
or we're gonna call the cops.

493
00:19:40.560 --> 00:19:43.597
Oh, you're gonna call the cops
on The G.

494
00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:48.310
All right.
Don't be a buzzkill.

495
00:19:48.440 --> 00:19:49.555
Get out of my sight.

496
00:20:08.080 --> 00:20:12.039
Man, I been seeing
you shitheads all night.

497
00:20:12.160 --> 00:20:13.559
What the holy hell do you want?

498
00:20:16.640 --> 00:20:18.995
What do a bunch of
Columbian drug lords

499
00:20:19.120 --> 00:20:21.031
care about Al-Qaeda anyway?

500
00:20:27.800 --> 00:20:28.994
Yeah, right.

501
00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:32.072
This ain't my first rodeo,
hombre.

502
00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:44.517
And what if I don't?

503
00:20:53.640 --> 00:20:54.993
Ow!

504
00:20:55.120 --> 00:20:56.599
Hey, man...

505
00:20:58.360 --> 00:20:59.839
Ow!

506
00:21:22.120 --> 00:21:25.112
Those Columbians stole
all my money!

507
00:21:25.240 --> 00:21:26.673
Wait, wait, wait.
What Columbians?

508
00:21:26.800 --> 00:21:28.472
The drug ones!

509
00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:30.039
What are you talking about, man?

510
00:21:30.160 --> 00:21:31.920
You lost your money
at the tables last night.

511
00:21:32.040 --> 00:21:33.296
Yeah, man, you should've quit
while were you ahead.

512
00:21:33.320 --> 00:21:35.595
- You fucked up.
- No!

513
00:21:35.720 --> 00:21:37.176
You guys want to hit
the breakfast buffet?

514
00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:39.270
Ah!

515
00:21:40.480 --> 00:21:41.754
Nurse Taylor,

516
00:21:41.880 --> 00:21:43.472
how is Dr. Ross today?

517
00:21:43.600 --> 00:21:45.955
Is he feeling in a good mood?
He's happy?

518
00:21:46.080 --> 00:21:47.274
- Chipper?
- Oh, yeah.

519
00:21:47.400 --> 00:21:48.833
- Oh, good.
- It's a golf day.

520
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:50.109
Yes. Golf day, yes.

521
00:21:51.640 --> 00:21:52.856
Everything's looking good, Gary.

522
00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:54.029
Excellent.

523
00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:55.434
- Gary!
- Dr. Ross, hi.

524
00:21:55.560 --> 00:21:56.840
How you feeling?
Good to see you.

525
00:21:57.000 --> 00:21:58.056
- Yeah, you, too.
- How have you been feeling?

526
00:21:58.080 --> 00:21:59.354
Uh, yeah, good.

527
00:21:59.480 --> 00:22:01.516
Good. Listen, uh...
Nurse Taylor, is...

528
00:22:01.640 --> 00:22:03.198
Dr. Ross, is it okay
if I just, uh,

529
00:22:03.320 --> 00:22:04.856
- talk with you in private for a minute?
- Absolutely.

530
00:22:04.880 --> 00:22:05.995
Oh, thank you.

531
00:22:06.120 --> 00:22:07.439
- Excuse me.
- Thank you.

532
00:22:07.560 --> 00:22:08.896
I can't believe
you're still alive.

533
00:22:08.920 --> 00:22:10.273
Your blood work is amazing.

534
00:22:10.400 --> 00:22:12.436
Thank you so...
Well, it's because of you.

535
00:22:12.600 --> 00:22:14.079
You and your care for me.

536
00:22:14.200 --> 00:22:16.156
You've kept me afloat
with my kidney problem,

537
00:22:16.280 --> 00:22:18.430
you helped me with my
pre-dialysis hallucinations...

538
00:22:18.560 --> 00:22:20.016
The other thing I want to say
to you, Dr. Ross...

539
00:22:20.040 --> 00:22:22.156
in many ways, I feel like
you're a brother to me.

540
00:22:22.280 --> 00:22:24.120
- Thank you.
- I really care so much about you.

541
00:22:24.160 --> 00:22:26.435
Because you care.
You're a good man.

542
00:22:26.560 --> 00:22:28.790
You're a charitable man.
And you care about

543
00:22:28.920 --> 00:22:30.638
what's going on in our country.

544
00:22:30.760 --> 00:22:32.398
I've got a charity

545
00:22:32.520 --> 00:22:35.080
- that I would like to maybe ask you to invest in.
- Okay.

546
00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:37.376
- All right.
- 'Cause I know you take that stuff seriously.

547
00:22:37.400 --> 00:22:40.233
I'm going to sail to Pakistan.

548
00:22:40.360 --> 00:22:42.271
I'm gonna capture
Osama bin Laden

549
00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:43.976
and bring him back to America
for justice and stuff,

550
00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:45.216
- 'cause I think...
- I'm sorry,

551
00:22:45.240 --> 00:22:46.355
say that again?

552
00:22:46.480 --> 00:22:47.959
I'm gonna go get Osama bin Laden

553
00:22:48.080 --> 00:22:49.479
out of Pakistan and I want

554
00:22:49.600 --> 00:22:51.431
to keep you safe, I want to keep

555
00:22:51.560 --> 00:22:53.755
America safe and, frankly,
I want to keep me safe.

556
00:22:53.880 --> 00:22:55.816
- What are you talking about?
- What I'm talking about

557
00:22:55.840 --> 00:22:57.592
is that I-I-I-I'm gonna
buy a sailboat

558
00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:00.240
and I thought maybe... 'cause my
dance card is a little light...

559
00:23:00.360 --> 00:23:02.590
that maybe you could
loan me a thousand bucks,

560
00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:04.358
because I-I don't,
it's a little light,

561
00:23:04.480 --> 00:23:06.118
and I'll pay you back,
$250 a week,

562
00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:09.437
and then we can take care of
this Al-Qaeda issue together.

563
00:23:09.560 --> 00:23:11.630
- A sailboat.
- Yeah, to go to Pakistan

564
00:23:11.760 --> 00:23:13.716
to capture, uh, bin Laden.

565
00:23:13.840 --> 00:23:16.400
What do you really
want the money for?

566
00:23:17.800 --> 00:23:19.199
Are you in some kind of trouble?

567
00:23:19.320 --> 00:23:20.514
Oh...

568
00:23:20.640 --> 00:23:21.755
I lied.

569
00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:23.592
- Yes.
- I'm sorry.

570
00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:25.039
That's a crazy story.

571
00:23:25.160 --> 00:23:26.376
I mean, how can you sail
a boat to Pakistan?

572
00:23:26.400 --> 00:23:27.913
I mean, if you stop dialysis,

573
00:23:28.040 --> 00:23:29.296
you're gonna start
hallucinating.

574
00:23:29.320 --> 00:23:30.435
No, uh...

575
00:23:30.560 --> 00:23:32.232
Uh, I...

576
00:23:32.360 --> 00:23:33.475
Oh, it's humiliating.

577
00:23:33.640 --> 00:23:35.710
Dr. Ross...

578
00:23:35.840 --> 00:23:37.990
there's a girl I-I really love.

579
00:23:38.120 --> 00:23:40.998
And, uh, I can't afford
the engagement ring.

580
00:23:41.120 --> 00:23:42.519
There's one
for a thousand bucks,

581
00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:44.120
and I wanted to get her
a diamond ring

582
00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:46.390
so that I could get engaged.

583
00:23:50.520 --> 00:23:51.635
Okay.

584
00:23:51.760 --> 00:23:53.671
Oh, bless your heart, Dr. Ross.

585
00:23:53.800 --> 00:23:56.030
- Y-You're telling me the truth now?
- Absolutely.

586
00:23:56.200 --> 00:23:57.776
You're not gonna get on a boat
and sail to Pakistan?

587
00:23:57.800 --> 00:23:59.233
No.

588
00:23:59.360 --> 00:24:00.429
Osama bin Laden.

589
00:24:00.560 --> 00:24:02.391
Me? Look at me. Wrong.

590
00:24:02.520 --> 00:24:04.715
- I got dialysis problems.
- Yeah, that's why

591
00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:06.336
I was wondering,
how would you do dialysis

592
00:24:06.360 --> 00:24:08.078
if you were on a boat
sailing to Pakistan?

593
00:24:08.200 --> 00:24:09.416
- I couldn't do it.
- You couldn't do it.

594
00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:10.839
I wouldn't be able do it, man.

595
00:24:10.960 --> 00:24:12.279
I'll go get my checkbook.

596
00:24:12.400 --> 00:24:15.039
- I'll be right back.
- Yeah!

597
00:24:15.160 --> 00:24:16.275
Yeah!

598
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:28.675
Hey, man, I don't want to...
I don't want to be that guy,

599
00:24:28.800 --> 00:24:30.518
but, um...

600
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:32.676
I'm pretty sure
you can't sail to Pakistan.

601
00:24:32.800 --> 00:24:35.951
Yeah, well, they told George
Washington the same thing.

602
00:24:36.080 --> 00:24:37.638
They told
George Washington he...

603
00:24:37.760 --> 00:24:39.520
I-I'm pretty sure
they told George Washington

604
00:24:39.600 --> 00:24:41.176
he couldn't cut down
a tree or something.

605
00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:43.760
It's just a figure of speech.

606
00:24:43.880 --> 00:24:45.598
Look, I'm just saying,
dude, like,

607
00:24:45.720 --> 00:24:47.073
have you looked at a globe?

608
00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:49.316
- It's kind of a long way to go...
- Ah.

609
00:24:49.440 --> 00:24:51.032
- ...in a boat.
- Ah. Ah.

610
00:24:51.160 --> 00:24:52.816
You know, you can do it, too,
that-that's...

611
00:24:52.840 --> 00:24:54.432
you can...
you can do a lot of stuff

612
00:24:54.560 --> 00:24:55.709
if you just kind of...

613
00:24:55.840 --> 00:24:57.159
Hey, you know, can I...?

614
00:24:57.280 --> 00:24:58.696
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
hey, hey, hey, thanks.

615
00:24:58.720 --> 00:25:00.597
- So are these mussels?
- Yeah, man.

616
00:25:00.720 --> 00:25:03.029
So, I... they're not eating
fish poo on the ground, right?

617
00:25:03.160 --> 00:25:05.674
- No.
- Like the crabs and the oysters eat the fish shit?

618
00:25:05.800 --> 00:25:07.616
- Yeah, yeah.
- So these are eating, what, krill? Kelp? What?

619
00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:10.552
Yeah. Like, fallity
of the ocean stuff.

620
00:25:10.680 --> 00:25:12.296
- Ah, so fresh stuff, live stuff. So...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

621
00:25:12.320 --> 00:25:14.311
- Like, healthy stuff.
- I could eat that, right?

622
00:25:14.440 --> 00:25:16.192
You could do, like,
a soup or something?

623
00:25:16.320 --> 00:25:17.656
- A broth, a bouillabaisse?
- Yeah.

624
00:25:17.680 --> 00:25:19.318
- Good eatin'.
- So do I need to get...

625
00:25:19.440 --> 00:25:20.816
Maybe do you have,
like, some scuba gear...

626
00:25:20.840 --> 00:25:22.376
...or, like, a snorkel and shit

627
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:23.856
so I can get off the boat
and scrape those off

628
00:25:23.880 --> 00:25:25.677
and then eat 'em
while I'm sailing?

629
00:25:25.800 --> 00:25:27.936
- 'Cause it's a long trip.
- Just grab some, like, goggles

630
00:25:27.960 --> 00:25:29.720
- and a snorkel and you're good, man.
- Okay.

631
00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:37.116
Yeah, I got him. Yeah.

632
00:25:40.200 --> 00:25:41.553
Morning, sir!

633
00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:42.795
- Hi.
- How you doing today?

634
00:25:42.920 --> 00:25:44.592
- Good.
- Good!

635
00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:47.553
You know, you're parked in,
uh, someone else's slip.

636
00:25:47.680 --> 00:25:48.795
What do you mean by "slip"?

637
00:25:48.920 --> 00:25:50.399
- Slip.
- A slip.

638
00:25:50.520 --> 00:25:52.750
Yeah, I saw an empty
parking space and I took it.

639
00:25:52.880 --> 00:25:54.711
Last time I checked,
this was still America.

640
00:25:54.840 --> 00:25:56.319
Yeah, it's not a parking lot.

641
00:25:56.440 --> 00:25:57.555
It's a harbor.

642
00:25:57.680 --> 00:25:59.636
- Uh-huh.
- All of these boats you see,

643
00:25:59.760 --> 00:26:02.274
they're all registered to people
who own these slips.

644
00:26:02.400 --> 00:26:04.834
Okay, officer...
madam... Super Cop,

645
00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:06.877
whatever your name is,
do you know who I am?

646
00:26:07.040 --> 00:26:09.315
Yeah. I'm Gary Faulkner,

647
00:26:09.440 --> 00:26:10.856
and I'm trying to do something
very important here, okay?

648
00:26:10.880 --> 00:26:11.995
I'm trying to protect you.

649
00:26:12.120 --> 00:26:14.076
I'm trying to go to Pakistan

650
00:26:14.200 --> 00:26:15.256
so I can capture
Osama bin Laden.

651
00:26:15.280 --> 00:26:16.793
I'm gonna bring him to justice.

652
00:26:16.920 --> 00:26:18.536
And I think you're...
you're kind of impinging

653
00:26:18.560 --> 00:26:20.437
on important duty right now.

654
00:26:20.560 --> 00:26:22.152
Pakistan's a long way
away, sir.

655
00:26:22.280 --> 00:26:24.157
I am fully aware of it, so if...

656
00:26:24.280 --> 00:26:25.872
The sooner you let me
do my business,

657
00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:27.228
the sooner I can protect you.

658
00:26:27.360 --> 00:26:28.998
You prepared for this trip?

659
00:26:29.120 --> 00:26:30.776
- You got a life preserver?
- No, I do not have

660
00:26:30.800 --> 00:26:32.200
- a life preserver.
- Safety flares.

661
00:26:32.240 --> 00:26:33.673
I do not have safety flares.

662
00:26:33.800 --> 00:26:35.336
- First aid kit?
- I do not have a first aid kit.

663
00:26:35.360 --> 00:26:36.475
In fact, I've never...

664
00:26:36.600 --> 00:26:37.715
Any working knowledge

665
00:26:37.840 --> 00:26:39.034
of how to operate a sailboat?

666
00:26:39.200 --> 00:26:40.599
I have never sailed before.

667
00:26:40.720 --> 00:26:42.039
Which is why I broke my arm,

668
00:26:42.200 --> 00:26:44.191
because I was trying
to higher up the sail.

669
00:26:44.320 --> 00:26:45.514
I was trying to higher it up.

670
00:26:45.640 --> 00:26:48.279
I was trying to raise it.
Hoist it.

671
00:26:48.400 --> 00:26:50.470
Okay.

672
00:26:50.600 --> 00:26:52.033
Um...

673
00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:54.390
- gonna get you to hang tight.
- Very good.

674
00:26:54.520 --> 00:26:55.920
- I'm gonna be right back.
- Dig it!

675
00:26:56.040 --> 00:26:57.678
- Okay.
- All right.

676
00:26:57.840 --> 00:27:00.016
I need... I need you
to come down here right now.

677
00:27:14.640 --> 00:27:17.632
Okay, clowns!

678
00:27:17.760 --> 00:27:19.796
Doubters, doubters!

679
00:27:19.920 --> 00:27:21.353
Debbie Doubters!

680
00:27:21.480 --> 00:27:23.516
Looks like I'm still sailing!

681
00:27:23.640 --> 00:27:26.108
And you know why
I'm still sailing?

682
00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:29.073
Because it is not my will,

683
00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:30.679
it's God's will.

684
00:27:30.800 --> 00:27:32.438
Shit!

685
00:27:42.080 --> 00:27:44.435
Is this Pakistan?

686
00:27:44.560 --> 00:27:45.754
No, señor.

687
00:27:47.680 --> 00:27:49.750
Not knowing how to sail
turned out to be

688
00:27:49.880 --> 00:27:51.916
a bigger liability
than I originally thought,

689
00:27:52.040 --> 00:27:54.873
but boy,
Mexico sure is beautiful.

690
00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:57.116
And... to that effect,

691
00:27:57.240 --> 00:27:59.708
on the beach of Mexico,

692
00:27:59.840 --> 00:28:02.070
I found this for you.

693
00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:04.959
I thought you might like
to use it as a hairbrush.

694
00:28:05.120 --> 00:28:06.394
And then, this shell...

695
00:28:06.520 --> 00:28:07.635
Isn't that something?

696
00:28:07.760 --> 00:28:10.115
It looks like a pyramid.

697
00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:13.550
And then this is
the venomous cone shell.

698
00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:15.591
Now, this animal
is very powerful.

699
00:28:15.720 --> 00:28:17.233
It shoots a poison dart out...

700
00:28:17.360 --> 00:28:19.237
Bam! Right there,
you're dead in two seconds.

701
00:28:19.360 --> 00:28:21.237
Glad I didn't get hit with that.

702
00:28:21.360 --> 00:28:23.510
And this one looks like
a spiral staircase.

703
00:28:23.680 --> 00:28:26.194
Now, I want to make a spiral
staircase for you one day.

704
00:28:26.320 --> 00:28:27.936
You can have it and
it'll be made out of oak.

705
00:28:27.960 --> 00:28:29.791
Oh.

706
00:28:29.920 --> 00:28:31.831
Yeah. And I got
something for you.

707
00:28:31.960 --> 00:28:33.154
♪ Dah-dah-dah-dah! ♪

708
00:28:35.040 --> 00:28:36.792
San Diego, huh?

709
00:28:38.720 --> 00:28:41.712
- Oh, well, thank you for thinking of me.
- You're welcome.

710
00:28:41.840 --> 00:28:43.990
- I'm glad you're okay.
- I'm always okay.

711
00:28:44.120 --> 00:28:46.315
Well, you know, I'm just
thinking about the dialysis.

712
00:28:46.440 --> 00:28:47.536
Don't you have to go
in for dialysis on your kidney

713
00:28:47.560 --> 00:28:49.596
a couple times a week?

714
00:28:49.720 --> 00:28:52.473
First of all,
the good Lord protects his

715
00:28:52.600 --> 00:28:55.239
sacred warriors,
that's first of all.

716
00:28:55.360 --> 00:28:57.590
I forget second of all.

717
00:28:57.720 --> 00:29:00.678
Well, you had us worried,
you asshole.

718
00:29:02.120 --> 00:29:03.997
I'm sorry.

719
00:29:04.120 --> 00:29:05.678
I'll put a quarter in the jar.

720
00:29:05.800 --> 00:29:07.360
Well, thank you, ladies,
thank you both.

721
00:29:07.480 --> 00:29:09.755
I'm so glad to be back home
with you two.

722
00:29:17.840 --> 00:29:19.398
I really love that little girl.

723
00:29:19.520 --> 00:29:21.397
That-that child is amazing.

724
00:29:21.520 --> 00:29:22.919
And she just took to you.

725
00:29:23.040 --> 00:29:25.713
I've never seen her do that
with somebody.

726
00:29:25.840 --> 00:29:28.479
I don't usually let people
get close to her so quickly.

727
00:29:28.600 --> 00:29:30.376
I mean, you're the first guy
I've had in the house

728
00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:31.913
since I broke up with my ex.

729
00:29:32.080 --> 00:29:33.513
I appreciate that.

730
00:29:33.640 --> 00:29:35.437
I'd do anything for her.

731
00:29:35.560 --> 00:29:36.675
I'd do anything for you.

732
00:29:36.800 --> 00:29:39.234
You can count on me.

733
00:29:39.360 --> 00:29:40.918
I'm not just saying that.

734
00:29:41.040 --> 00:29:43.679
Well, I-I am just saying that,
but I-I mean it.

735
00:29:43.840 --> 00:29:45.637
I'm glad you're here.

736
00:29:45.800 --> 00:29:47.552
I like being here.

737
00:29:47.720 --> 00:29:49.756
Are you seeing anyone right now?

738
00:29:51.160 --> 00:29:52.388
No.

739
00:29:54.200 --> 00:29:58.193
I... broke up with someone
a year ago and... eh.

740
00:29:58.320 --> 00:30:00.880
It's-it's been almost
three years for me.

741
00:30:03.160 --> 00:30:05.071
Huh.

742
00:30:05.240 --> 00:30:06.719
You're-you're such a stud.

743
00:30:06.840 --> 00:30:08.273
I figured you'd have, like,

744
00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:10.675
girls all over the place,
hidden around and...

745
00:30:10.800 --> 00:30:12.472
No, see that-that's just hype.

746
00:30:12.600 --> 00:30:14.352
See, the thing is...

747
00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:17.040
I'm-I'm picky.

748
00:30:17.160 --> 00:30:18.559
No, well, I...

749
00:30:18.680 --> 00:30:20.193
I'm overcompensating, see?

750
00:30:20.320 --> 00:30:23.551
'Cause I-I-I don't feel
like that, all that, you know?

751
00:30:23.680 --> 00:30:25.113
And I've-I've had some issues

752
00:30:25.240 --> 00:30:26.514
'cause of the way I talk.

753
00:30:26.640 --> 00:30:28.710
And sometimes the way
I-I look you know?

754
00:30:28.840 --> 00:30:30.558
I... so I haven't felt
very confident,

755
00:30:30.720 --> 00:30:32.756
but-but I am feeling
something with you.

756
00:30:32.880 --> 00:30:34.711
I'm feeling some
connection with you

757
00:30:34.840 --> 00:30:36.432
and I really...

758
00:30:36.600 --> 00:30:37.999
I really like you, Marci.

759
00:30:43.280 --> 00:30:44.599
Oh, I'm blushing.

760
00:30:44.720 --> 00:30:46.995
I feel like
I'm in high school.

761
00:30:47.120 --> 00:30:48.838
Me too.

762
00:30:48.960 --> 00:30:50.279
Can I kiss you?

763
00:30:50.400 --> 00:30:51.799
You...

764
00:30:51.920 --> 00:30:53.717
What a gentleman.

765
00:30:53.840 --> 00:30:55.239
Yeah.

766
00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:05.512
I barely even remember
how to do this.

767
00:31:05.640 --> 00:31:08.791
You want to go upstairs
and try and remember?

768
00:31:13.960 --> 00:31:15.632
Remember Osama bin Laden?

769
00:31:15.760 --> 00:31:17.920
Public enemy number one,
we got to get Osama bin Laden.

770
00:31:18.040 --> 00:31:20.560
The fact that we can't find him
is a big deal, folks, all right?

771
00:31:20.600 --> 00:31:22.079
He's tethered
to a dialysis machine

772
00:31:22.200 --> 00:31:23.936
that he somehow drags around
from recording session

773
00:31:23.960 --> 00:31:25.536
to recording session.

774
00:31:25.560 --> 00:31:26.976
You know, that-that's
got to leave some sort of

775
00:31:27.000 --> 00:31:28.752
trail in sand,
can't we track that down?

776
00:31:28.880 --> 00:31:30.360
Osama bin Laden.

777
00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:32.550
- You know where he is.
- Definitely.

778
00:31:32.680 --> 00:31:33.736
Because he dumped some woman.

779
00:31:33.760 --> 00:31:35.352
Welcome to Books 'n Shit.

780
00:31:35.480 --> 00:31:36.560
So you have a new book out.

781
00:31:36.680 --> 00:31:38.056
- Congratulations by the way.
- Thank you.

782
00:31:38.080 --> 00:31:39.513
Um, it's called
The New Testament.

783
00:31:39.640 --> 00:31:41.136
- The New Testament.
- The New Testament.

784
00:31:41.160 --> 00:31:42.195
It's a sequel of sorts

785
00:31:42.320 --> 00:31:43.514
to the original, um...

786
00:31:43.640 --> 00:31:45.392
- The Old Testament.
- The Old Testament.

787
00:31:45.520 --> 00:31:46.953
Um, is there a movie
in the works?

788
00:31:47.080 --> 00:31:51.312
We are working on a movie,
uh, with James Cameron.

789
00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:52.589
He's great.

790
00:31:52.760 --> 00:31:54.273
Yeah, I mean,
the guy's confident.

791
00:31:57.120 --> 00:31:59.200
You can't buy it in a store,
you can't buy it online,

792
00:31:59.280 --> 00:32:01.032
you can't buy it tomorrow.

793
00:32:01.160 --> 00:32:02.736
This sweet little thing
is limited to one.

794
00:32:02.760 --> 00:32:04.432
This one, the only one.

795
00:32:04.560 --> 00:32:05.834
Are you listening to me, Gary?

796
00:32:05.960 --> 00:32:07.439
This is Excalibur

797
00:32:07.560 --> 00:32:09.676
brought back to life,
this is Damocles fallen.

798
00:32:09.800 --> 00:32:11.791
This item is available
for a penny.

799
00:32:11.920 --> 00:32:14.798
A tiny, brown, copper sphincter
of nothingness.

800
00:32:14.920 --> 00:32:16.239
Gary? Focus.

801
00:32:16.360 --> 00:32:18.160
We're talking about destiny, Gary.

802
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:19.355
Carpe diem,

803
00:32:19.480 --> 00:32:21.436
seize the day, seize the moment,

804
00:32:21.560 --> 00:32:22.675
take the blade.

805
00:32:27.040 --> 00:32:28.996
Hi-yah!

806
00:32:29.120 --> 00:32:31.554
Marci, I've been going
about this all wrong.

807
00:32:31.680 --> 00:32:33.875
You know what I'm gonna do now?
I'm gonna change it up.

808
00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:35.479
I'm gonna hang glide
into Pakistan.

809
00:32:35.640 --> 00:32:37.153
Well, that sounds dangerous.

810
00:32:37.280 --> 00:32:39.236
Huy-des!

811
00:32:39.360 --> 00:32:41.635
That's okay, everything about
this mission is dangerous.

812
00:32:41.760 --> 00:32:42.976
Do you even know
how to hang glide?

813
00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:45.070
- No, but I got a plan.
- What plan?

814
00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:47.395
Israel.

815
00:32:47.520 --> 00:32:49.456
I'm gonna go to a mountain in
lsrael and I'm gonna jump off.

816
00:32:49.480 --> 00:32:50.754
If I fly, I fly into Pakistan.

817
00:32:50.880 --> 00:32:52.472
If I crash, I crash
into the Dead Sea,

818
00:32:52.600 --> 00:32:54.576
which is the deepest
hypersaline lake in the world.

819
00:32:54.600 --> 00:32:57.558
Yeah, they about 34% salinity
over there and stuff.

820
00:32:57.680 --> 00:32:59.800
Just about the saltiest
body of water you'll ever see.

821
00:32:59.880 --> 00:33:01.736
So everything, no matter
how heavy, floats on it.

822
00:33:01.760 --> 00:33:03.176
So, if I crash, I'll float,
which is good

823
00:33:03.200 --> 00:33:04.952
because I-I don't know
how to swim.

824
00:33:05.080 --> 00:33:07.514
- No, that's a terrible idea.
- Marci,

825
00:33:07.640 --> 00:33:10.791
every good idea sounded terrible
at first. Think about it.

826
00:33:10.920 --> 00:33:13.434
Binny boy won't be expecting it,
that's the main thing.

827
00:33:13.560 --> 00:33:15.120
You got to have
the element of surprise.

828
00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:18.317
And the other thing
you got to add is... a sword!

829
00:33:18.440 --> 00:33:20.158
Chi-yas!

830
00:33:20.280 --> 00:33:21.395
You know what?

831
00:33:21.560 --> 00:33:22.675
I'm rude, look at me.

832
00:33:22.800 --> 00:33:23.994
Hogging all the fun.

833
00:33:24.120 --> 00:33:25.480
Come on, let me
show you something.

834
00:33:25.560 --> 00:33:27.994
- Oh...
- Marci, come on. Look at this.

835
00:33:28.120 --> 00:33:29.269
- Okay, turn around.
- Okay.

836
00:33:29.440 --> 00:33:31.192
- Now, hold it in your hand.
- Okay.

837
00:33:31.360 --> 00:33:33.271
Feel the weight,
respect it, respect it.

838
00:33:33.400 --> 00:33:36.073
Now, I want you to just go down
like that, okay?

839
00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:37.514
Mm-hmm. Right.

840
00:33:37.640 --> 00:33:39.596
Okay, now, when I toss it,

841
00:33:39.720 --> 00:33:41.233
you slice it, slice and dice it.

842
00:33:41.360 --> 00:33:42.520
All right, so, let's do this.

843
00:33:42.600 --> 00:33:43.828
Okay, here we go.

844
00:33:44.000 --> 00:33:45.000
And...

845
00:33:45.080 --> 00:33:47.548
A five, six, seven, eight.

846
00:33:47.680 --> 00:33:50.831
Ah-ha, you did it! Yay!

847
00:33:50.960 --> 00:33:52.360
I see why you like this.

848
00:34:24.720 --> 00:34:26.551
- You work here?
- Yeah.

849
00:34:26.680 --> 00:34:29.069
Okay, listen, I'm looking
to buy a hang glider.

850
00:34:29.200 --> 00:34:30.792
- Okay.
- 'Cause I'm gonna hang glide

851
00:34:30.960 --> 00:34:32.598
- from a mountain in lsrael
- Okay.

852
00:34:32.720 --> 00:34:34.760
To Pakistan, 'cause I got to
capture Osama bin Laden

853
00:34:34.840 --> 00:34:36.353
and pull him right out
of his cave.

854
00:34:36.480 --> 00:34:38.311
- That's quite the adventure.
- That's right.

855
00:34:38.440 --> 00:34:41.113
- But I need a hang glider.
- Well, the North Wing, uh,

856
00:34:41.240 --> 00:34:43.720
- she is a sweet, sweet bird, yeah.
- I like that. Sounds good.

857
00:34:43.760 --> 00:34:45.318
"Sweet bird's" what I like.

858
00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:47.635
- Now, I was gonna take a boom box,
- Okay.

859
00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:50.513
Hang it, dangle it,
from the hang glider.

860
00:34:50.640 --> 00:34:54.713
Listen to music to inspire me,
to motivate me for my mission.

861
00:34:54.840 --> 00:34:57.832
What sort of music
would you suggest

862
00:34:57.960 --> 00:34:59.951
would be the best music
to hang glide to?

863
00:35:00.080 --> 00:35:02.514
Okay, well, I wouldn't hang
a boom box from the wing

864
00:35:02.640 --> 00:35:04.320
'cause you're gonna throw off
your balance.

865
00:35:04.440 --> 00:35:06.431
You got to spare me
the physics lesson

866
00:35:06.560 --> 00:35:08.039
and just answer the question.

867
00:35:08.160 --> 00:35:11.277
Okay, uh, so you're looking
for some, like, pump-up,

868
00:35:11.400 --> 00:35:13.675
- inspirational, kind of...
- That's right.

869
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:14.955
Tom Petty?

870
00:35:15.080 --> 00:35:16.433
Stupidest thing I've ever heard.

871
00:35:16.560 --> 00:35:17.993
- Okay.
- Okay?

872
00:35:18.120 --> 00:35:20.793
Now, listen, if I was gonna
cut that up into pieces,

873
00:35:20.920 --> 00:35:22.672
'cause I got to get it
into my luggage

874
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:24.233
to get it over to lsrael.

875
00:35:24.360 --> 00:35:27.272
How many pieces would I
cut it into? Three? Four? Five?

876
00:35:27.400 --> 00:35:29.755
Well, the-the thing about
a hang glider

877
00:35:29.880 --> 00:35:31.996
is it-it's all, uh,
one piece.

878
00:35:32.120 --> 00:35:33.269
You can't cut it up.

879
00:35:33.440 --> 00:35:35.635
Son...

880
00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:36.875
I can do anything.

881
00:35:37.000 --> 00:35:38.797
I am Gary Faulkner.

882
00:35:38.920 --> 00:35:40.990
I am the Donkey King.

883
00:35:42.600 --> 00:35:44.431
Wow.

884
00:35:53.120 --> 00:35:55.680
Sir, that is a samurai sword.

885
00:35:55.840 --> 00:35:57.353
Uh, you cannot take that
on the plane.

886
00:35:57.480 --> 00:35:59.357
No, listen, you don't
understand,

887
00:35:59.480 --> 00:36:02.199
I need this sword
to do what I have to do.

888
00:36:02.320 --> 00:36:04.436
You trying to get my killed
by Al-Qaeda?

889
00:36:04.560 --> 00:36:06.152
Is that, is that what you want?

890
00:36:06.280 --> 00:36:08.794
No, I want you to realize
that you cannot take a sword

891
00:36:08.920 --> 00:36:10.069
onto an airplane.

892
00:36:10.200 --> 00:36:11.872
Can't.
If there weren't people like me

893
00:36:12.000 --> 00:36:13.280
doing things that
people like you

894
00:36:13.440 --> 00:36:14.839
told us that we couldn't do,

895
00:36:14.960 --> 00:36:16.416
then nothing great
would ever get done

896
00:36:16.440 --> 00:36:18.078
and America wouldn't be awesome.

897
00:36:18.200 --> 00:36:19.918
And let me tell you
something, lady,

898
00:36:20.040 --> 00:36:24.272
we may have our flaws,
but America is awesome!

899
00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:26.550
You cannot carry the sword
onto the plane.

900
00:36:26.680 --> 00:36:29.558
Tell that to George Washington!

901
00:36:29.680 --> 00:36:30.829
Gary!

902
00:36:31.000 --> 00:36:32.638
Pack the sword.

903
00:36:32.760 --> 00:36:34.990
Yes, my Lord.

904
00:36:50.080 --> 00:36:53.072
You guys seem like
a couple of nice kids.

905
00:36:53.200 --> 00:36:55.077
Where you from?
Are you from lsrael?

906
00:36:56.440 --> 00:36:58.715
You're from one of
the other, uh,

907
00:36:58.840 --> 00:37:01.479
Middle Eastern, uh, countries,
or Pakistan,

908
00:37:01.600 --> 00:37:03.670
or, uh, Tunisia?

909
00:37:05.400 --> 00:37:06.992
All right, well, I'm gonna...

910
00:37:07.160 --> 00:37:08.957
I'm gonna start running now.

911
00:37:09.120 --> 00:37:11.111
I'm gonna pick it up,
and I'm gonna run.

912
00:37:11.240 --> 00:37:13.708
Okay?
You got to get out so I can run.

913
00:37:22.480 --> 00:37:24.869
Let's go.
Go, go, go!

914
00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:27.639
Ha-ha!
Success!

915
00:37:29.600 --> 00:37:31.989
Look at me now!

916
00:37:32.120 --> 00:37:33.678
No!

917
00:37:33.800 --> 00:37:36.872
Shit! Fuck! Goddamn it! You fucker!

918
00:37:37.000 --> 00:37:39.753
As Gary lay broken on
the rocky terrain of Israel...

919
00:37:39.880 --> 00:37:40.995
Fuck it!

920
00:37:41.120 --> 00:37:42.712
...doubt crept in.

921
00:37:42.840 --> 00:37:45.991
And perhaps
a small voice asked,

922
00:37:46.120 --> 00:37:47.872
"I wonder if Marci is serving

923
00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:50.150
her guacamole
and chips tonight."

924
00:37:50.280 --> 00:37:51.508
Gare-bear.

925
00:37:51.640 --> 00:37:53.119
Hey, babe.

926
00:37:53.240 --> 00:37:56.152
Look at you,
having a little spa day, huh?

927
00:37:56.280 --> 00:37:59.352
Thanks. Thank you so much for
letting me crash here again.

928
00:37:59.480 --> 00:38:01.391
Oh, no problem.
Lizzie, uh...

929
00:38:01.520 --> 00:38:03.351
Well, you know,

930
00:38:03.480 --> 00:38:06.711
Lizzie and I love
having you here, so...

931
00:38:06.840 --> 00:38:08.956
Would you look at me?
I'm as crippled as Lizzie is.

932
00:38:09.080 --> 00:38:13.039
Well, I mean, she's a...

933
00:38:13.160 --> 00:38:15.594
ten-year-old girl
with cerebral palsy,

934
00:38:15.720 --> 00:38:18.712
and you are a grown man who
jumped off a cliff on purpose.

935
00:38:18.840 --> 00:38:21.274
- I retract my previous statement.
- Yeah.

936
00:38:21.440 --> 00:38:23.954
Where is she anyway? You know,
I got a present for her.

937
00:38:24.080 --> 00:38:25.280
Oh, she's at physical therapy.

938
00:38:25.360 --> 00:38:26.640
I'm gonna go get her in an hour.

939
00:38:26.760 --> 00:38:28.955
Okay, well, listen,
check this out.

940
00:38:29.080 --> 00:38:32.038
You can buy the shit
out of these things in lsrael.

941
00:38:32.200 --> 00:38:33.952
That's water
from the fucking Jordan river.

942
00:38:34.120 --> 00:38:36.429
That's the fucking river where
fucking Jesus was baptized.

943
00:38:36.560 --> 00:38:37.595
She's gonna love this.

944
00:38:37.720 --> 00:38:38.835
Yeah.

945
00:38:39.000 --> 00:38:40.592
That was so thoughtful.

946
00:38:40.720 --> 00:38:41.869
Thank you.

947
00:38:42.000 --> 00:38:44.230
I got you something too.

948
00:38:44.360 --> 00:38:46.510
Yeah, look how beautiful
that is.

949
00:38:50.600 --> 00:38:52.352
- "Israel rocks."
- Yeah.

950
00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:54.436
Yeah, it does.

951
00:38:54.600 --> 00:38:57.034
God, Gary, thanks.

952
00:38:57.160 --> 00:39:00.436
Why did I sit there and let you
take that glider apart?

953
00:39:00.560 --> 00:39:01.834
- The hang glider?
- Yeah.

954
00:39:01.960 --> 00:39:03.075
That was a lemon.

955
00:39:03.200 --> 00:39:05.236
Hey.

956
00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:09.075
Do you want to get behind
some hedges and, uh, you know,

957
00:39:09.240 --> 00:39:10.355
show me your tattoo again?

958
00:39:10.480 --> 00:39:11.708
Uh-huh?

959
00:39:11.840 --> 00:39:12.875
Uh-huh?

960
00:39:13.000 --> 00:39:14.228
You are a little horn dog.

961
00:39:14.360 --> 00:39:17.432
- Even all banged up like this.
- Yeah.

962
00:39:17.560 --> 00:39:19.120
I don't know, it ain't just
animal lust,

963
00:39:19.240 --> 00:39:22.118
of which I have plenty,
as you can well attest.

964
00:39:22.240 --> 00:39:24.549
Sometimes I think I need a vet.

965
00:39:24.680 --> 00:39:27.956
No, I find that, uh...

966
00:39:28.080 --> 00:39:29.513
I actually love you quite a bit.

967
00:39:32.360 --> 00:39:34.715
I love you too, Gary.

968
00:39:36.800 --> 00:39:38.711
But you're on
a mission from God.

969
00:39:38.840 --> 00:39:40.478
So where does that leave me?

970
00:39:40.600 --> 00:39:43.194
Well, you'll have to take that
up with him directly.

971
00:39:43.320 --> 00:39:44.878
I haven't even made it
to Pakistan yet,

972
00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:47.230
I got to get over there
as soon as I'm healed.

973
00:39:49.240 --> 00:39:51.356
I'm gonna go in. Do you want
a water or something?

974
00:39:51.480 --> 00:39:53.710
No, I'm all right.

975
00:39:53.840 --> 00:39:55.856
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
come on, hold-hold on a second,

976
00:39:55.880 --> 00:39:57.108
hold on a second.

977
00:39:58.600 --> 00:39:59.794
What if I didn't go?

978
00:40:01.080 --> 00:40:02.308
What if I just...

979
00:40:02.440 --> 00:40:04.112
stuck around here

980
00:40:04.240 --> 00:40:05.719
and helped out, you know?

981
00:40:05.880 --> 00:40:06.995
I'm a pretty good handyman.

982
00:40:07.120 --> 00:40:08.951
I could help out
around the house.

983
00:40:09.080 --> 00:40:10.911
Yeah.

984
00:40:12.720 --> 00:40:13.835
I'd love that,

985
00:40:13.960 --> 00:40:15.473
you know?

986
00:40:15.640 --> 00:40:18.996
But if you really feel
like you're on a mission,

987
00:40:19.120 --> 00:40:22.351
and I tell you to stay here,
you're gonna hate me.

988
00:40:22.520 --> 00:40:25.830
I... I couldn't handle that,
so...

989
00:40:27.080 --> 00:40:30.072
You think about it, and, um...

990
00:40:30.200 --> 00:40:32.555
and, uh, we'll talk later.

991
00:40:40.320 --> 00:40:42.834
I just want to enjoy
my life a little bit.

992
00:40:43.000 --> 00:40:47.676
I want to spend some time, a
domestic kind of, uh, lifestyle,

993
00:40:47.840 --> 00:40:49.353
with Marci and Lizzie, you know.

994
00:40:49.480 --> 00:40:51.038
- Good for you, Gary.
- Yeah.

995
00:40:51.160 --> 00:40:53.200
Yeah, that-that Pakistan shit,
the whole Osama thing

996
00:40:53.280 --> 00:40:54.599
is pretty crazy.

997
00:40:54.760 --> 00:40:57.479
Maybe so, but crazy is
my last name.

998
00:40:57.640 --> 00:41:00.598
- Isn't it crazy is my middle name?
- Yeah.

999
00:41:00.720 --> 00:41:02.517
My middle name is Brooks.

1000
00:41:02.640 --> 00:41:03.800
It's that old Gary.

1001
00:41:03.880 --> 00:41:06.110
- All right.
- Well, that's the truth.

1002
00:41:06.240 --> 00:41:07.719
Okay, we got to jet,
we got a movie.

1003
00:41:07.840 --> 00:41:09.736
- Yeah, you should come with us.
- Yeah, no, I'm gonna stay here

1004
00:41:09.760 --> 00:41:12.194
and, uh, finish my beer,
and then, uh,

1005
00:41:12.360 --> 00:41:14.396
maybe just go back
to Marci's house

1006
00:41:14.520 --> 00:41:16.909
and enjoy my, uh, my humble
little domestic lifestyle.

1007
00:41:17.040 --> 00:41:18.720
- All right.
- I'll take care of this guys.

1008
00:41:18.760 --> 00:41:20.456
- Don't worry about that. Yeah.
- Really? -Really?

1009
00:41:20.480 --> 00:41:22.016
- All right, see you later.
- All right, bye.

1010
00:41:22.040 --> 00:41:23.473
All right, see you later.

1011
00:41:23.600 --> 00:41:25.000
...in Afghaninstan

1012
00:41:25.040 --> 00:41:26.360
- with his latest findings.
- Bye.

1013
00:41:26.480 --> 00:41:28.072
Since the battle of Tora Bora

1014
00:41:28.200 --> 00:41:29.872
in December of 2001,

1015
00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:32.116
there has been
no actionable intelligence

1016
00:41:32.240 --> 00:41:34.231
about where bin Laden is.

1017
00:41:34.360 --> 00:41:36.078
There are informed hypotheses

1018
00:41:36.200 --> 00:41:37.856
that he's in the northwest
frontier provinces

1019
00:41:37.880 --> 00:41:39.871
- of Pakistan...
- I hate this show.

1020
00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:41.911
...somewhere
in the tribal areas.

1021
00:41:43.520 --> 00:41:46.239
W-Were you going to be doing
something for me?

1022
00:41:46.360 --> 00:41:47.713
I was... I am.

1023
00:41:49.520 --> 00:41:50.896
'Cause it looks to me
like you're quitting.

1024
00:41:50.920 --> 00:41:52.239
I ain't no quitter.

1025
00:41:52.400 --> 00:41:53.496
'Cause what would you think
would happen

1026
00:41:53.520 --> 00:41:55.112
if I, God, just quit?

1027
00:41:55.280 --> 00:41:56.952
- Chaos!
- Chaos.

1028
00:41:57.080 --> 00:41:58.672
I mean, we've got chaos already,

1029
00:41:58.800 --> 00:42:01.598
but we'd be talking about
a much worse form of chaos.

1030
00:42:01.720 --> 00:42:02.789
Godless chaos.

1031
00:42:02.920 --> 00:42:04.751
Who said anything
about quitting?

1032
00:42:04.880 --> 00:42:07.599
What you don't seem
to appreciate Gary,

1033
00:42:07.720 --> 00:42:11.076
is the notion of omniscience.

1034
00:42:11.200 --> 00:42:12.679
That means I know everything,

1035
00:42:12.840 --> 00:42:14.320
so I know you're thinking
about Marci.

1036
00:42:14.440 --> 00:42:16.158
I know you're thinking
about domesticity

1037
00:42:16.280 --> 00:42:18.000
and settling down
and how cute that will be.

1038
00:42:18.080 --> 00:42:21.277
And it really bugs me
when men let woman-shit

1039
00:42:21.400 --> 00:42:23.470
get in the way of man-business.

1040
00:42:23.640 --> 00:42:27.155
There's two words
you need to consider:

1041
00:42:27.280 --> 00:42:29.475
"God" and "America."

1042
00:42:29.600 --> 00:42:30.749
That's what this is about.

1043
00:42:30.880 --> 00:42:32.279
Okay?

1044
00:42:32.440 --> 00:42:35.512
So what part of
"I am everything,"

1045
00:42:35.640 --> 00:42:38.791
"I know everything,"
do you not understand?

1046
00:42:38.920 --> 00:42:40.353
Uh, uh, if you know everything,

1047
00:42:40.480 --> 00:42:42.755
then why don't you tell me
where to find Binny boy?

1048
00:42:42.880 --> 00:42:44.871
I can tell you Pakistan,

1049
00:42:45.040 --> 00:42:46.758
and you can't even get there.

1050
00:42:46.880 --> 00:42:49.440
Now you're thinking
about quitting.

1051
00:42:49.560 --> 00:42:51.357
You're a disappointment
to me, Gary.

1052
00:42:51.480 --> 00:42:53.320
I've been waiting
for you to help me.

1053
00:42:53.400 --> 00:42:56.870
Gary, shut the fuck up.
This is a holy quest.

1054
00:42:57.000 --> 00:43:00.276
Holy quests are challenging.

1055
00:43:00.400 --> 00:43:03.437
When I asked Abraham
to slaughter Isaac,

1056
00:43:03.600 --> 00:43:05.272
that was challenging.

1057
00:43:05.400 --> 00:43:06.976
He didn't just say, "Oh, he's
my son. What am I gonna do?

1058
00:43:07.000 --> 00:43:08.797
I love him.
What am I gonna tell his mum?"

1059
00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:11.434
When I said to David,
you've gotta kill Goliath,

1060
00:43:11.560 --> 00:43:12.993
it was challenging.

1061
00:43:13.120 --> 00:43:14.216
He didn't say,
"Look at the size of him.

1062
00:43:14.240 --> 00:43:15.559
I can't do anything about it."

1063
00:43:15.680 --> 00:43:17.636
It's a challenging situation
that you're in.

1064
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:20.672
I plucked you from obscurity.

1065
00:43:20.800 --> 00:43:22.472
You're a lucky fuck.

1066
00:43:22.600 --> 00:43:25.319
You should feel blessed,

1067
00:43:25.440 --> 00:43:27.317
not burdened.

1068
00:43:27.440 --> 00:43:28.919
So, Gary,

1069
00:43:29.080 --> 00:43:31.719
I don't want to hear
any more talk about quitting

1070
00:43:31.840 --> 00:43:33.592
or Marci, or TVs,

1071
00:43:33.720 --> 00:43:37.076
or sitting and relaxing,
having a beer.

1072
00:43:37.200 --> 00:43:38.349
Otherwise,

1073
00:43:38.480 --> 00:43:40.311
I'm gonna smite you.

1074
00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:41.998
I'm gonna smite you,

1075
00:43:42.120 --> 00:43:44.475
and any memory
or remnant of you.

1076
00:43:44.640 --> 00:43:46.756
Your dad, Gary Faulkner...
"l didn't have a son."

1077
00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:50.395
Marci... "I don't remember
meeting some twinkle-eyed,

1078
00:43:50.560 --> 00:43:51.788
goofy, cute guy."

1079
00:43:51.920 --> 00:43:53.592
I will eliminate you

1080
00:43:53.720 --> 00:43:55.438
from history, all traces of you.

1081
00:43:55.560 --> 00:43:57.312
Okay?

1082
00:43:57.440 --> 00:43:59.510
So have a little think
about that,

1083
00:43:59.640 --> 00:44:00.993
and then make the decision

1084
00:44:01.120 --> 00:44:03.076
that will make us both proud.

1085
00:44:12.600 --> 00:44:13.999
Oh, great. You're drunk.

1086
00:44:14.120 --> 00:44:15.997
I blew it.

1087
00:44:16.120 --> 00:44:18.111
I was weak.

1088
00:44:18.240 --> 00:44:20.993
I took my eyes off the prize,

1089
00:44:21.120 --> 00:44:22.439
and he saw it.

1090
00:44:22.560 --> 00:44:23.595
What prize?

1091
00:44:23.760 --> 00:44:25.512
Who are you talking about?

1092
00:44:25.680 --> 00:44:28.035
I gotta... I gotta...
get to Pakistan.

1093
00:44:28.160 --> 00:44:29.832
Pakistan?

1094
00:44:29.960 --> 00:44:32.235
What... what are you
talking about... Pakistan?

1095
00:44:32.360 --> 00:44:34.476
I thought you were done
with all that nonsense.

1096
00:44:34.600 --> 00:44:36.033
What about moving in here
with me?

1097
00:44:36.160 --> 00:44:38.310
What about fixing the ramp?

1098
00:44:38.440 --> 00:44:42.877
I have a more important job
to do.

1099
00:44:43.000 --> 00:44:46.436
You know what? I need my
four hours of sleep tonight.

1100
00:44:46.560 --> 00:44:48.949
I've got to work two
of my three jobs tomorrow,

1101
00:44:49.120 --> 00:44:51.076
so I'm going to bed alone.

1102
00:45:06.920 --> 00:45:08.831
What do you think?

1103
00:45:10.360 --> 00:45:11.360
It's great.

1104
00:45:11.440 --> 00:45:12.998
I told you I'd finish it.

1105
00:45:13.120 --> 00:45:16.078
I'm sorry I slammed the door
in your face

1106
00:45:16.200 --> 00:45:18.120
and yelled at you,
but, you know, you were really

1107
00:45:18.160 --> 00:45:19.957
being crazy,
and I don't need that shit.

1108
00:45:20.080 --> 00:45:22.150
Marci Mitchell,
don't you ever

1109
00:45:22.320 --> 00:45:24.038
apologize to me for anything.

1110
00:45:24.160 --> 00:45:25.388
You are perfect.

1111
00:45:25.520 --> 00:45:26.520
You are

1112
00:45:26.560 --> 00:45:28.232
an angel, and I'll see you

1113
00:45:28.360 --> 00:45:29.998
when I get back from Pakistan.

1114
00:45:32.440 --> 00:45:35.159
Sir, we have been through this.

1115
00:45:35.280 --> 00:45:36.760
I do not care
about George Washington.

1116
00:45:36.800 --> 00:45:37.800
You cannot

1117
00:45:37.880 --> 00:45:38.710
go to Pakistan

1118
00:45:38.880 --> 00:45:40.154
without an entry visa.

1119
00:45:40.280 --> 00:45:41.896
This is bureaucratic morass
is what this is.

1120
00:45:41.920 --> 00:45:42.920
Gary.

1121
00:45:44.440 --> 00:45:46.510
Yes, my Lord.

1122
00:45:53.680 --> 00:45:55.113
And God just...

1123
00:45:55.240 --> 00:45:56.559
gave you a sign.

1124
00:45:56.680 --> 00:45:58.079
That's right.

1125
00:45:58.200 --> 00:45:59.599
And now you want to go

1126
00:45:59.720 --> 00:46:00.720
to Pakistan...

1127
00:46:02.080 --> 00:46:03.115
Why?

1128
00:46:03.280 --> 00:46:05.157
To get bin Laden.

1129
00:46:05.320 --> 00:46:06.639
Osama bin Laden.

1130
00:46:06.760 --> 00:46:09.035
No, Harold bin Laden.

1131
00:46:09.200 --> 00:46:10.872
Yes, Osama bin Laden.

1132
00:46:11.000 --> 00:46:12.479
The terrorist.

1133
00:46:12.600 --> 00:46:14.192
Is this some kind of joke?

1134
00:46:14.320 --> 00:46:15.976
No, this couldn't be
any less of a joke, sir.

1135
00:46:16.000 --> 00:46:18.355
This is as serious
as a thing can get.

1136
00:46:18.480 --> 00:46:21.438
Okay, you give me one good
reason why I should stamp this

1137
00:46:21.560 --> 00:46:24.552
and the United States of America
should let

1138
00:46:24.680 --> 00:46:26.238
Gary Brooks Faulkner into

1139
00:46:26.360 --> 00:46:29.352
one of the hairiest places
on Earth.

1140
00:46:29.480 --> 00:46:31.118
Well, do you believe in God?

1141
00:46:31.240 --> 00:46:32.240
And America?

1142
00:46:32.360 --> 00:46:33.634
And justice?

1143
00:46:33.760 --> 00:46:34.954
And freedom?!

1144
00:46:35.080 --> 00:46:38.197
And just doing what's right?!

1145
00:46:41.280 --> 00:46:42.280
Hmm.

1146
00:46:44.600 --> 00:46:46.318
Thank you.

1147
00:46:46.440 --> 00:46:47.919
Go get him.

1148
00:46:53.200 --> 00:46:56.431
So, I'm going to Pakistan
to capture Osama bin Laden.

1149
00:46:56.560 --> 00:46:57.993
Bring him to justice.

1150
00:46:58.120 --> 00:46:59.553
God told me to do it.

1151
00:46:59.680 --> 00:47:01.910
He didn't think I was being
urgent enough about it.

1152
00:47:02.040 --> 00:47:04.156
Thought I was giving in
to temptation again,

1153
00:47:04.280 --> 00:47:06.032
which has been
one of my problems.

1154
00:47:06.160 --> 00:47:08.040
Kept me from achieving
certain things and stuff,

1155
00:47:08.160 --> 00:47:09.479
but I'm gonna tell you what.

1156
00:47:09.600 --> 00:47:11.875
God kicked the ever-loving
shit out of me.

1157
00:47:12.000 --> 00:47:15.037
So, now here I am,
back on mission.

1158
00:47:15.160 --> 00:47:17.958
I shouldn't be telling you this,
but I already got a lead.

1159
00:47:18.080 --> 00:47:21.470
You see, it turns out over here,
people call Binny boy

1160
00:47:21.600 --> 00:47:22.919
The Bearded One.

1161
00:47:23.040 --> 00:47:25.634
So, there,
that could be helpful.

1162
00:47:36.240 --> 00:47:39.038
Gary arrived
in Pakistan a stranger

1163
00:47:39.160 --> 00:47:40.479
in a strange land.

1164
00:47:42.320 --> 00:47:44.595
He was determined

1165
00:47:44.720 --> 00:47:47.154
to observe the customs
of the local people

1166
00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:48.599
and perhaps glean clues

1167
00:47:48.760 --> 00:47:50.637
that would lead him
to bin Laden.

1168
00:47:55.960 --> 00:47:57.791
Reason for visit?

1169
00:47:59.840 --> 00:48:01.831
Taking care of business.

1170
00:48:07.320 --> 00:48:08.833
Once through Customs,

1171
00:48:08.960 --> 00:48:13.033
Gary saw a world both
familiar and foreign.

1172
00:48:14.720 --> 00:48:16.199
In his personal diary,

1173
00:48:16.320 --> 00:48:18.834
Gary wrote of his first day
in Pakistan...

1174
00:48:20.480 --> 00:48:22.914
..."Got to Islamabad.

1175
00:48:23.040 --> 00:48:25.315
"Interesting people.

1176
00:48:25.440 --> 00:48:27.749
Hot as balls."

1177
00:48:27.920 --> 00:48:30.388
So, anyways, so,
how do you like it here

1178
00:48:30.520 --> 00:48:32.112
in Pakistan, my brother?

1179
00:48:32.240 --> 00:48:33.878
Pakistan is very, very,
very beautiful.

1180
00:48:34.000 --> 00:48:35.513
Pakistan is beautiful.

1181
00:48:35.680 --> 00:48:37.056
Yeah, well, I figured
you'd say something like that

1182
00:48:37.080 --> 00:48:38.638
on account of national pride.

1183
00:48:38.760 --> 00:48:40.796
Well, I love America,
so we're even.

1184
00:48:40.920 --> 00:48:42.478
I love America, too.

1185
00:48:42.600 --> 00:48:44.033
Yeah? Well, America's very good.

1186
00:48:44.160 --> 00:48:46.355
America's the best goddamn
country in the world.

1187
00:48:46.480 --> 00:48:48.118
And I say that putting
my personal bias

1188
00:48:48.240 --> 00:48:49.753
and national pride
aside because

1189
00:48:49.880 --> 00:48:51.916
we don't have no Al-Qaeda
holing up in the States.

1190
00:48:52.040 --> 00:48:54.349
Al-Qaeda here in Pakistan,
very bad.

1191
00:48:54.480 --> 00:48:55.879
Yeah, very bad.

1192
00:48:56.000 --> 00:48:57.416
- Well, see, I like you...
- Very bad.

1193
00:48:57.440 --> 00:48:58.496
...because we got
a cultural connection.

1194
00:48:58.520 --> 00:49:00.033
But what I need to do is I need

1195
00:49:00.160 --> 00:49:01.256
to get to the Hotel AlBaraka.

1196
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:03.191
I'm on a very important mission.

1197
00:49:03.320 --> 00:49:04.576
I'm looking for The Bearded One.

1198
00:49:04.600 --> 00:49:06.033
Uh, do you know where

1199
00:49:06.160 --> 00:49:07.336
- I can find The Bearded One?
- The Bearded One?

1200
00:49:07.360 --> 00:49:08.475
The Bearded One.

1201
00:49:08.600 --> 00:49:10.192
I am... I have got beard.

1202
00:49:10.320 --> 00:49:11.958
Yeah, no,
I know you got a beard,

1203
00:49:12.080 --> 00:49:14.016
but I'm talking about
The Bearded One.

1204
00:49:14.040 --> 00:49:16.076
Do you have Denny's in Pakistan?

1205
00:49:16.200 --> 00:49:18.156
Does The Bearded One
go to Denny's?

1206
00:49:27.920 --> 00:49:30.115
Gary Faulkner, U.S.A.

1207
00:49:30.240 --> 00:49:32.117
Gary Faulkner,
U.S.A.

1208
00:49:32.280 --> 00:49:33.076
Fuckner?

1209
00:49:33.240 --> 00:49:34.240
Fuckner?!

1210
00:49:34.360 --> 00:49:35.554
No, not Fuckner, man.

1211
00:49:35.680 --> 00:49:37.159
It's Faulkner, man. Faulkner.

1212
00:49:37.280 --> 00:49:38.030
Fuck-ner.

1213
00:49:38.200 --> 00:49:40.316
No, uh, it's Faulkner, man.

1214
00:49:40.440 --> 00:49:41.668
Fuckner, that's what you said.

1215
00:49:41.800 --> 00:49:42.816
Not Fuckner, Faulkner, man.

1216
00:49:42.840 --> 00:49:44.558
Just call me The G.

1217
00:49:44.680 --> 00:49:45.999
Uh, you got a bellhop

1218
00:49:46.120 --> 00:49:47.519
that can help me with my bags?

1219
00:49:47.640 --> 00:49:49.596
No, h-h-he's... he's dead.

1220
00:49:49.720 --> 00:49:50.596
Dead?

1221
00:49:50.720 --> 00:49:52.039
Did Al-Qaeda shoot the bellhop?

1222
00:49:52.160 --> 00:49:52.990
No!

1223
00:49:53.120 --> 00:49:54.120
Not at all, sir.

1224
00:49:54.160 --> 00:49:55.354
Gangsters, sir.

1225
00:49:55.480 --> 00:49:57.176
- He was killed for...
- Gangsters? Not Al-Qaeda?

1226
00:49:57.200 --> 00:49:58.713
We have no Al-Qaeda here.

1227
00:49:58.840 --> 00:50:00.273
I got an AK-47
shoved up my ass.

1228
00:50:01.440 --> 00:50:02.919
He-he want... he want to s...

1229
00:50:03.040 --> 00:50:04.393
to-to-to know about America.

1230
00:50:04.560 --> 00:50:06.152
Man, America's good!

1231
00:50:06.280 --> 00:50:08.111
- Hamburger.
- We got... we got hamburgers.

1232
00:50:08.240 --> 00:50:09.514
We got Dairy Queen.

1233
00:50:09.640 --> 00:50:11.320
We got the best chicken wings
in the world.

1234
00:50:11.360 --> 00:50:13.476
- Woman, woman, woman.
- Fuck, man, but

1235
00:50:13.600 --> 00:50:15.320
- we got the California girls, man.
- Woman.

1236
00:50:16.720 --> 00:50:18.278
Fuckner good, Fuckner good.

1237
00:50:19.880 --> 00:50:21.757
I told you, just call me The G.

1238
00:50:21.880 --> 00:50:23.256
You are so funny.

1239
00:50:23.280 --> 00:50:25.635
- I like it.
- Oh, yeah.

1240
00:50:25.760 --> 00:50:27.656
All right, look, can somebody
show me where my room is?

1241
00:50:27.680 --> 00:50:29.716
I got to get, uh, I have
a very important mission.

1242
00:50:40.160 --> 00:50:43.869
Try it, motherfucker!

1243
00:50:55.400 --> 00:50:57.868
Like all men on covert ops,

1244
00:50:58.000 --> 00:51:00.912
Gary's first day was spent
doing reconnaissance.

1245
00:51:03.720 --> 00:51:07.599
Scouring the streets,
looking for clues.

1246
00:51:07.720 --> 00:51:11.156
A motivated Gary Faulkner
was a dangerous Gary Faulkner.

1247
00:51:13.080 --> 00:51:16.277
Nothing could stop him
when he was on a mission.

1248
00:51:16.400 --> 00:51:18.960
Nothing could make
him lose focus

1249
00:51:19.080 --> 00:51:22.152
when he had a plan.

1250
00:51:22.280 --> 00:51:25.272
These are all things
Gary Faulkner told me.

1251
00:51:25.400 --> 00:51:28.597
You have many diverse
kind of sundry spices here.

1252
00:51:28.720 --> 00:51:30.517
I think I can use
some of these spices

1253
00:51:30.640 --> 00:51:32.198
in my chicken wing hot sauce,

1254
00:51:32.320 --> 00:51:34.056
but I need molasses, too.

1255
00:51:34.080 --> 00:51:36.071
Molasses. Do you have molasses?

1256
00:51:37.880 --> 00:51:40.110
No, molasses, not jackasses.

1257
00:51:40.280 --> 00:51:41.508
I didn't call you jackasses.

1258
00:51:41.640 --> 00:51:43.551
I said molasses.

1259
00:51:43.680 --> 00:51:45.400
Not calling you a jack...

1260
00:51:45.440 --> 00:51:47.590
Here you go.

1261
00:51:47.720 --> 00:51:50.154
Thank you.

1262
00:52:02.880 --> 00:52:04.552
I'm looking
for something pretty

1263
00:52:04.720 --> 00:52:06.119
for a young lady.

1264
00:52:06.240 --> 00:52:07.520
- Yes, yes.
- She's not even ten.

1265
00:52:07.600 --> 00:52:08.616
Okay? Something exotic,
something...

1266
00:52:08.640 --> 00:52:09.789
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1267
00:52:09.920 --> 00:52:10.920
...something that has

1268
00:52:10.960 --> 00:52:12.473
some flavor to it.

1269
00:52:12.600 --> 00:52:13.919
Now, wait, this could work.

1270
00:52:14.040 --> 00:52:15.189
- This is good.
- Yeah.

1271
00:52:15.360 --> 00:52:16.190
This could work.

1272
00:52:16.360 --> 00:52:17.475
Come on, here take this.

1273
00:52:17.600 --> 00:52:18.600
I'm gonna take that.

1274
00:52:26.520 --> 00:52:28.078
Good.

1275
00:52:28.200 --> 00:52:29.997
Good, you got the...
you got the long knives.

1276
00:52:30.120 --> 00:52:31.314
You got the short knives.

1277
00:52:31.440 --> 00:52:33.715
You got the...
you got the Damascus.

1278
00:52:33.840 --> 00:52:35.796
Check this out.

1279
00:52:37.360 --> 00:52:38.952
Nothing?

1280
00:52:39.080 --> 00:52:40.080
All right.

1281
00:52:40.120 --> 00:52:42.111
Well, you have a blessed day.

1282
00:52:47.680 --> 00:52:49.079
No, man.

1283
00:52:49.200 --> 00:52:50.920
You're do... you're doing
it all wrong, man.

1284
00:52:51.040 --> 00:52:52.393
You're not talking to the meat.

1285
00:52:52.560 --> 00:52:54.120
That's how come
you've got no customers.

1286
00:52:54.160 --> 00:52:56.469
You got to... you got to talk
to the meat.

1287
00:52:59.440 --> 00:53:00.440
Goat meat, like all meat,

1288
00:53:00.520 --> 00:53:01.748
has a vertical line

1289
00:53:01.880 --> 00:53:04.599
and it has a horizontal line,

1290
00:53:04.720 --> 00:53:07.598
and at the epicenter
of where those two lines cross

1291
00:53:07.720 --> 00:53:08.856
is where the spirit
of the meat comes out.

1292
00:53:08.880 --> 00:53:09.756
You say,

1293
00:53:09.880 --> 00:53:11.313
"Thank you, baby goat."

1294
00:53:11.440 --> 00:53:12.589
"Thank you, baby goat."

1295
00:53:12.720 --> 00:53:14.176
"Thank you, baby goat."

1296
00:53:14.200 --> 00:53:17.476
At the end of the first day,

1297
00:53:17.600 --> 00:53:19.750
Gary realized this might be

1298
00:53:19.920 --> 00:53:22.070
harder than he thought.

1299
00:53:22.200 --> 00:53:24.760
If only God
could give him a sign.

1300
00:53:39.600 --> 00:53:43.036
Looks like my brother Gary
cooked up a storm.

1301
00:53:43.160 --> 00:53:44.639
I couldn't get the molasses,

1302
00:53:44.760 --> 00:53:45.909
but if these aren't the best

1303
00:53:46.040 --> 00:53:47.553
chicken wings
you've ever tasted,

1304
00:53:47.680 --> 00:53:49.272
then I'm not the Donkey King.

1305
00:53:49.400 --> 00:53:51.709
Thank you, sir, you are so kind.

1306
00:53:51.840 --> 00:53:52.955
Oh.

1307
00:53:53.120 --> 00:53:55.111
- Mmm.
- Mmm.

1308
00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:01.194
Don't worry, sir!

1309
00:54:01.320 --> 00:54:02.799
I-I know a dentist.

1310
00:54:02.920 --> 00:54:03.920
He's very good.

1311
00:54:28.360 --> 00:54:29.554
Okay.

1312
00:54:29.680 --> 00:54:31.511
Pass that around.

1313
00:54:35.080 --> 00:54:37.389
That's nice.

1314
00:54:57.320 --> 00:55:02.189
I fucking love Pakistan.

1315
00:55:37.720 --> 00:55:39.392
Ride it, cowboy.

1316
00:55:39.560 --> 00:55:40.436
Ride.

1317
00:55:40.560 --> 00:55:41.788
Yeah.

1318
00:55:46.040 --> 00:55:47.553
The G...

1319
00:55:47.680 --> 00:55:50.797
...wants to get his pinball on.

1320
00:55:50.920 --> 00:55:53.070
No worky?

1321
00:55:59.360 --> 00:56:00.236
There you go.

1322
00:56:00.360 --> 00:56:01.475
Come on, come on, yeah.

1323
00:56:01.600 --> 00:56:03.989
Do you want to play some more?

1324
00:56:04.120 --> 00:56:05.997
Ah, you fucking...!

1325
00:56:11.440 --> 00:56:13.237
Thief!

1326
00:56:13.360 --> 00:56:14.873
Hey! Hey!

1327
00:56:15.000 --> 00:56:16.194
Stop! Hey!

1328
00:56:16.320 --> 00:56:18.595
You stop it!

1329
00:56:18.720 --> 00:56:20.756
Hey!

1330
00:56:24.720 --> 00:56:26.711
You fucking fuck!

1331
00:56:36.680 --> 00:56:37.908
Hey!

1332
00:56:42.400 --> 00:56:44.960
Shit!

1333
00:57:07.400 --> 00:57:08.469
Whoa!

1334
00:57:09.840 --> 00:57:11.671
You know, I'm here
to capture The Bearded One,

1335
00:57:11.800 --> 00:57:14.553
so if you have any info on him,
please let me know, but really?

1336
00:57:14.680 --> 00:57:16.193
I don't see why you,

1337
00:57:16.320 --> 00:57:18.754
sir, are messing
with this young lady.

1338
00:57:23.040 --> 00:57:24.758
All right.

1339
00:57:24.880 --> 00:57:26.393
So, we're gonna do this.

1340
00:57:26.520 --> 00:57:29.671
Step aside, motherfuckers.

1341
00:57:29.840 --> 00:57:33.355
100% pure
Japanese Damascus steel.

1342
00:57:33.480 --> 00:57:34.520
Hey, hey, calm down, wait!

1343
00:57:45.800 --> 00:57:48.678
Ah, smell that, sir?

1344
00:57:49.840 --> 00:57:51.319
What's up?

1345
00:57:51.440 --> 00:57:54.352
Smell of a people and a culture
clamoring for democracy.

1346
00:57:57.680 --> 00:57:59.477
And aloo paratha.

1347
00:58:00.800 --> 00:58:02.153
That the bread thing?

1348
00:58:02.280 --> 00:58:04.111
- Yeah, with the potato inside.
- Yeah, yeah.

1349
00:58:04.240 --> 00:58:05.856
- I like that, I like that.
- It's delicious.

1350
00:58:05.880 --> 00:58:07.438
I mean, they make some
good stuff here.

1351
00:58:07.560 --> 00:58:08.560
Bread was invented here

1352
00:58:08.680 --> 00:58:09.556
in the lndus river valley.

1353
00:58:09.680 --> 00:58:10.680
- Really?
- Yeah.

1354
00:58:10.760 --> 00:58:12.034
That's great. Fascinating.

1355
00:58:12.160 --> 00:58:13.036
What's this?

1356
00:58:13.160 --> 00:58:14.160
This...

1357
00:58:14.200 --> 00:58:16.350
regards an American samurai

1358
00:58:16.480 --> 00:58:18.436
who is at loose
in the slums of lslamabad.

1359
00:58:18.560 --> 00:58:19.976
- What does that mean?
- He appeared out of nowhere

1360
00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:23.037
and he botched
an ongoing investigation.

1361
00:58:42.400 --> 00:58:43.515
An American ninja.

1362
00:58:43.640 --> 00:58:45.517
- Samurai.
- An American samurai.

1363
00:58:45.640 --> 00:58:47.835
American Ninja was a movie,
1985, Michael Dudikoff.

1364
00:58:58.080 --> 00:58:59.080
So, who is the guy?

1365
00:58:59.160 --> 00:59:00.160
We have no idea.

1366
00:59:00.200 --> 00:59:01.200
Well, let's find out.

1367
00:59:01.280 --> 00:59:02.759
I will.

1368
00:59:52.440 --> 00:59:53.555
- Gorgeous sunset.
- Oh!

1369
00:59:53.680 --> 00:59:54.680
- Jesus.
- Sorry.

1370
00:59:54.800 --> 00:59:56.028
Don't do that.

1371
00:59:56.160 --> 00:59:57.752
- I wasn't trying to scare you.
- God.

1372
00:59:59.640 --> 01:00:00.755
What do you think?

1373
01:00:00.880 --> 01:00:02.996
Why you have a thobe?

1374
01:00:03.160 --> 01:00:05.116
You still want to go undercover,
don't you?

1375
01:00:05.240 --> 01:00:07.117
Please?

1376
01:00:07.240 --> 01:00:08.673
Look, you're too tall.

1377
01:00:08.800 --> 01:00:10.552
You're going to stick out
like a sore thumb.

1378
01:00:10.680 --> 01:00:11.976
I'm not pretending
to be Pakistani.

1379
01:00:12.000 --> 01:00:13.479
What are you going to be?

1380
01:00:13.600 --> 01:00:15.591
I'm going to be a, uh,
a national living abroad.

1381
01:00:15.720 --> 01:00:17.631
A South African, a Dutchman.

1382
01:00:17.800 --> 01:00:19.677
A Norwegian, perhaps...
a farmer.

1383
01:00:19.840 --> 01:00:21.353
- W... you have this...
- A mercenary.

1384
01:00:21.480 --> 01:00:23.471
...bizarre fantasy that somehow

1385
01:00:23.640 --> 01:00:26.757
you're the Dutch James Bond
or something.

1386
01:00:26.880 --> 01:00:28.279
I love James Bond.

1387
01:00:28.400 --> 01:00:29.696
The Living Daylights
was on last night.

1388
01:00:29.720 --> 01:00:30.948
Timothy Dalton...

1389
01:00:31.080 --> 01:00:32.911
- greatest Bond of all time.
- No.

1390
01:00:33.040 --> 01:00:34.234
- No?
- No, no, no.

1391
01:00:34.400 --> 01:00:35.576
Who do you like...
oh, Sean Connery?

1392
01:00:35.600 --> 01:00:36.715
No.

1393
01:00:36.840 --> 01:00:38.717
- Roger Moore?
- No.

1394
01:00:38.840 --> 01:00:40.512
The-the new guy with the...

1395
01:00:40.640 --> 01:00:42.676
- The m... the Russian thug? No.
- ...muscles?

1396
01:00:44.560 --> 01:00:46.630
What's happening
with our American samurai?

1397
01:00:46.760 --> 01:00:50.753
American samurai,
actual name, Gary Faulkner.

1398
01:00:50.880 --> 01:00:52.836
He's been indicted
several times,

1399
01:00:53.000 --> 01:00:54.592
minor, uh, misdemeanors.

1400
01:00:56.040 --> 01:00:58.554
Works as a handyman.

1401
01:00:58.680 --> 01:01:00.591
He's searching
for Osama bin Laden.

1402
01:01:00.760 --> 01:01:02.776
What do you mean, "he's
searching for Osama bin Laden?"

1403
01:01:02.800 --> 01:01:03.800
He's obsessed.

1404
01:01:03.880 --> 01:01:04.949
If this fucking lunatic's

1405
01:01:05.080 --> 01:01:06.195
anywhere near him,

1406
01:01:06.320 --> 01:01:07.514
I'm truly fucked.

1407
01:01:07.680 --> 01:01:08.936
- Do you understand me?
- That's true.

1408
01:01:08.960 --> 01:01:10.136
So this cannot happen,
all right?

1409
01:01:10.160 --> 01:01:11.416
- This is worse...
- This is on you.

1410
01:01:11.440 --> 01:01:12.998
This is worse
than the $5 million.

1411
01:01:13.120 --> 01:01:14.838
It's wo... it's worse
than the $5 million,

1412
01:01:14.960 --> 01:01:17.030
so you know what?
Do your job.

1413
01:01:17.160 --> 01:01:19.037
Find this guy.
Bring him in.

1414
01:01:19.160 --> 01:01:21.355
And we're going
to neutralize him.

1415
01:01:27.360 --> 01:01:29.430
Welcome Al-Qaeda crips
to my cave.

1416
01:01:29.560 --> 01:01:30.840
My name is OBL, Osama bin Laden.

1417
01:01:30.960 --> 01:01:32.712
But this is my homies
on the left here.

1418
01:01:32.840 --> 01:01:34.656
This guy here, he make them
white boys tremble,

1419
01:01:34.680 --> 01:01:36.136
so we just call him Milkshake,
you know.

1420
01:01:36.160 --> 01:01:37.878
We got one DVD box set,

1421
01:01:38.000 --> 01:01:39.149
Seinfeld, man.

1422
01:01:39.280 --> 01:01:40.656
D-don't know...
Jews are funny, man.

1423
01:01:40.680 --> 01:01:42.136
- Like Kramer.
- Jerry!

1424
01:01:42.160 --> 01:01:44.754
Osama, Osama Jr., Osama III,

1425
01:01:44.880 --> 01:01:46.640
'cause Osama Junior Junior
Junior was stupid.

1426
01:01:46.720 --> 01:01:48.520
Yo, Muhammad, third
from the right, who's she?

1427
01:01:48.560 --> 01:01:49.709
My main man, ldi Amin.

1428
01:01:49.840 --> 01:01:51.056
Pulled some tight shit
in Uganda.

1429
01:01:51.080 --> 01:01:52.080
You know what I'm saying?

1430
01:01:52.200 --> 01:01:53.349
Ayatollah Khomeini.

1431
01:01:53.520 --> 01:01:55.078
This guy got
mad beard skills, man.

1432
01:01:55.200 --> 01:01:56.838
Got the baddest
motherfucker alive,

1433
01:01:56.960 --> 01:01:58.029
George W. Bush.

1434
01:01:58.160 --> 01:02:00.754
Oh, God!

1435
01:02:36.680 --> 01:02:37.680
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

1436
01:02:37.720 --> 01:02:39.472
Oh, my God!

1437
01:02:39.600 --> 01:02:42.512
- Get in the truck, Gary.
- Yes, my...

1438
01:02:47.320 --> 01:02:51.154
I'm sorry.

1439
01:02:53.520 --> 01:02:55.238
Where are you going, Gary?

1440
01:02:55.360 --> 01:02:56.793
I don't know.

1441
01:02:56.920 --> 01:02:58.911
You don't even know
where you're going, do you?

1442
01:02:59.040 --> 01:03:01.076
You're just wandering around
aimlessly.

1443
01:03:01.200 --> 01:03:02.918
No particular direction.

1444
01:03:03.040 --> 01:03:05.190
No better than a paramecium.

1445
01:03:05.320 --> 01:03:06.196
A what?

1446
01:03:06.320 --> 01:03:08.197
A paramecium, Gary.

1447
01:03:08.320 --> 01:03:09.594
It's a single cellular
life form

1448
01:03:09.760 --> 01:03:10.988
I created some time ago.

1449
01:03:11.120 --> 01:03:12.678
I was pretty proud of it
back then.

1450
01:03:12.800 --> 01:03:14.320
Still around to this day,
because Noah,

1451
01:03:14.400 --> 01:03:16.376
in his infinite wisdom,
chose to put it on the Ark,

1452
01:03:16.400 --> 01:03:17.720
along with syphilis
and gonorrhea.

1453
01:03:17.840 --> 01:03:20.559
Y-you're all-knowing, right?

1454
01:03:20.680 --> 01:03:21.976
Yeah, yeah, I am,
all-knowing. Yeah.

1455
01:03:22.000 --> 01:03:23.256
Well, then,
why don't you help me?

1456
01:03:23.280 --> 01:03:24.296
I mean, just like a-a drop.

1457
01:03:24.320 --> 01:03:25.150
Helping hint.

1458
01:03:25.320 --> 01:03:26.594
There's no hints, Gary.

1459
01:03:26.720 --> 01:03:29.109
This is not a treasure hunt,
or a quiz show.

1460
01:03:29.280 --> 01:03:30.998
You got freedom of choice.

1461
01:03:31.160 --> 01:03:32.513
Freedom of thought.

1462
01:03:32.640 --> 01:03:34.216
Do you know how beautiful
that is? I mean,

1463
01:03:34.240 --> 01:03:35.656
I know every thought
before you think it,

1464
01:03:35.680 --> 01:03:36.856
and let me tell you,
a lot of the thoughts

1465
01:03:36.880 --> 01:03:38.108
you got coming up

1466
01:03:38.240 --> 01:03:39.753
are pretty fucking stupid.
I am God.

1467
01:03:39.880 --> 01:03:41.757
I am the question
and the answer.

1468
01:03:41.920 --> 01:03:43.990
- Yes, my Lord!
- What's this now?

1469
01:03:44.120 --> 01:03:45.176
What's this?
It's not Aladdin.

1470
01:03:45.200 --> 01:03:46.428
I'm not a genie.

1471
01:03:46.560 --> 01:03:48.073
You are genuflecting
too aggressively.

1472
01:03:48.200 --> 01:03:49.713
You're gonna set off
the airbag.

1473
01:03:49.840 --> 01:03:51.536
Well, uh, of course,
I could be wrong, my Lord.

1474
01:03:51.560 --> 01:03:53.437
My Sweet Lord,
but I-I think this model

1475
01:03:53.560 --> 01:03:54.993
doesn't come with airbags.

1476
01:03:55.120 --> 01:03:56.553
Shut up, Gary!

1477
01:03:56.680 --> 01:03:57.715
Shut up!

1478
01:03:57.840 --> 01:03:59.193
Sorry. Lord, I'm sorry.

1479
01:03:59.320 --> 01:04:01.197
I'm just... I'm just lost.

1480
01:04:01.320 --> 01:04:04.118
You got any idea how many times
I hear that every day?

1481
01:04:04.240 --> 01:04:05.593
"I'm lost, then I was found.

1482
01:04:05.720 --> 01:04:07.039
I'm blind, now I can see."

1483
01:04:07.160 --> 01:04:08.976
I'm tired of that lost shepherd,
lost sheep shit.

1484
01:04:09.000 --> 01:04:10.353
Yes, Lord.

1485
01:04:10.480 --> 01:04:12.357
- Don't fucking "Yes, Lord" me.
- Yes, Lord.

1486
01:04:12.480 --> 01:04:13.856
- I said don't say that.
- Yes, Lord.

1487
01:04:13.880 --> 01:04:15.677
- Gary! -Yes, Lord.
- What? -No, Lord.

1488
01:04:15.800 --> 01:04:18.633
- Are you saying no to me, Gary?
- No!

1489
01:04:18.760 --> 01:04:21.115
I'm doing too much shit
to worry about this.

1490
01:04:21.240 --> 01:04:23.629
I've got 14 trillion
things to deal with right now.

1491
01:04:23.760 --> 01:04:26.638
I'm doing a million things
in this moment.

1492
01:04:26.760 --> 01:04:28.910
I'm dealing
with Hezbollah, Ebola,

1493
01:04:29.040 --> 01:04:30.758
some guy called Obama,
Coca-Cola.

1494
01:04:30.880 --> 01:04:32.199
I got a lot of shit
to deal with.

1495
01:04:32.320 --> 01:04:33.320
Do you understand me?

1496
01:04:33.440 --> 01:04:34.919
But I just want you to be happy.

1497
01:04:35.040 --> 01:04:37.429
Well, then, Gary, try this.

1498
01:04:37.600 --> 01:04:41.275
I help those
that help themselves.

1499
01:04:47.040 --> 01:04:48.951
Gary began to battle episodes

1500
01:04:49.080 --> 01:04:52.117
of paranoid hallucinations.

1501
01:04:52.280 --> 01:04:55.670
Maybe it was because he had
gone weeks without dialysis.

1502
01:04:55.800 --> 01:04:59.156
Maybe it was because
he had smoked, in his words,

1503
01:04:59.280 --> 01:05:02.636
"A shit-ton of hash."

1504
01:05:18.960 --> 01:05:21.793
He sensed eyes on him,

1505
01:05:21.920 --> 01:05:25.310
and saw danger in every corner.

1506
01:05:27.480 --> 01:05:28.959
Hey!

1507
01:05:30.040 --> 01:05:31.109
Give me that moped.

1508
01:05:31.280 --> 01:05:32.429
Give me that thing.

1509
01:05:32.560 --> 01:05:34.357
Give it up.

1510
01:05:36.040 --> 01:05:37.598
Get out of my way!

1511
01:05:59.800 --> 01:06:00.920
You're letting him get away.

1512
01:06:00.960 --> 01:06:02.109
My handle was bad.

1513
01:06:02.240 --> 01:06:04.356
You're letting him get away!

1514
01:06:08.160 --> 01:06:09.957
Technically, a yacht is, uh,

1515
01:06:10.080 --> 01:06:11.308
anything over 30 feet.

1516
01:06:11.440 --> 01:06:12.736
This was just below,
it was about 26,

1517
01:06:12.760 --> 01:06:13.976
so I wouldn't say it
was a yacht.

1518
01:06:14.000 --> 01:06:15.096
What was the yacht for?

1519
01:06:15.120 --> 01:06:16.599
Uh, sailing in San Diego.

1520
01:06:16.720 --> 01:06:18.312
- Business?
- Uh, yeah. Sure, business.

1521
01:06:18.440 --> 01:06:20.176
Wh... no. I was trying
to get Osama bin Laden.

1522
01:06:20.200 --> 01:06:21.936
That's what I'm here for.
We've already been over this.

1523
01:06:21.960 --> 01:06:23.616
Uh-huh. And-and so what were
you doing in the yacht?

1524
01:06:23.640 --> 01:06:25.480
- Were you smuggling?
- No, I wasn't smuggling.

1525
01:06:25.560 --> 01:06:26.709
I was trying to get here.

1526
01:06:26.840 --> 01:06:29.593
- Who are you working with?
- Uh...

1527
01:06:29.720 --> 01:06:31.336
I'd tell you,
but you wouldn't believe me.

1528
01:06:31.360 --> 01:06:32.793
- MI-5.
- No.

1529
01:06:32.920 --> 01:06:34.035
- SAVAC?
- No.

1530
01:06:34.160 --> 01:06:35.513
- Mossad.
- No.

1531
01:06:35.640 --> 01:06:36.390
- It was...
- No, no.

1532
01:06:36.520 --> 01:06:37.748
I'm a lone wolf.

1533
01:06:37.880 --> 01:06:39.711
- Is that your handler?
- My handler?

1534
01:06:39.840 --> 01:06:41.400
- I don't have a handler.
- You and who?

1535
01:06:41.480 --> 01:06:43.038
- No, it's just me. You know,
- And?

1536
01:06:43.160 --> 01:06:44.296
I-I don't expect
someone like you

1537
01:06:44.320 --> 01:06:45.640
- would understand that.
- Try me.

1538
01:06:45.760 --> 01:06:47.876
- Just give me a name.
Any name. Any contact.

1539
01:06:48.000 --> 01:06:51.072
All right, well, we can talk
about that one right now.

1540
01:06:51.200 --> 01:06:52.758
I-I... it's just me and God.

1541
01:06:52.880 --> 01:06:54.074
Is-is he your handler, God?

1542
01:06:54.200 --> 01:06:55.553
You don't know who God is?

1543
01:06:56.920 --> 01:06:58.672
- He's God!
- Where is he currently?

1544
01:06:58.800 --> 01:07:00.199
- Can we talk to him?
- God?

1545
01:07:00.320 --> 01:07:02.080
- Yeah, can I talk to him?
- He's everywhere.

1546
01:07:02.200 --> 01:07:03.376
- Do you have an email address?
- He's everywhere.

1547
01:07:03.400 --> 01:07:04.600
Just one place.
Name one place.

1548
01:07:04.680 --> 01:07:05.880
Uh, he's right here,
right now.

1549
01:07:06.000 --> 01:07:07.956
- You know what I'm going to do?
- What?

1550
01:07:08.080 --> 01:07:09.376
I'm going to make your life
a living hell.

1551
01:07:09.400 --> 01:07:10.496
'Cause I can do that.

1552
01:07:10.520 --> 01:07:11.600
- 'Cause I have power.
- Oh!

1553
01:07:11.720 --> 01:07:13.756
- Is that a threat?
- Yeah. Yeah.

1554
01:07:13.920 --> 01:07:15.433
All right, this is it.

1555
01:07:15.560 --> 01:07:16.879
You know what?

1556
01:07:17.000 --> 01:07:18.736
You'll never even travel again.
You're grounded.

1557
01:07:18.760 --> 01:07:21.718
I am going to send you
out of here right now

1558
01:07:21.840 --> 01:07:23.796
to pack up your shit,
and we're going to

1559
01:07:23.920 --> 01:07:25.376
- put you on a plane,
- Deporting you.

1560
01:07:25.400 --> 01:07:27.096
- And send you back to America.
- I love this.

1561
01:07:27.120 --> 01:07:28.480
- Thank you.
- Where you will stay.

1562
01:07:28.520 --> 01:07:29.840
- Okay.
- You will never come back

1563
01:07:29.880 --> 01:07:31.108
- to Pakistan again.
- Okay.

1564
01:07:31.240 --> 01:07:32.559
- Buh-bye.
- All right. Bye-bye.

1565
01:07:32.680 --> 01:07:33.795
Bye-bye.

1566
01:07:35.320 --> 01:07:36.912
Maybe we should turn him.

1567
01:07:37.040 --> 01:07:38.393
Make him one of ours.

1568
01:07:38.520 --> 01:07:41.239
He's got the goods.

1569
01:07:41.360 --> 01:07:43.237
I just want to say thank you.

1570
01:07:43.360 --> 01:07:46.193
It was good and it was cheap,

1571
01:07:46.320 --> 01:07:47.320
and-and you're my friend,

1572
01:07:47.440 --> 01:07:48.736
- and I love you.
- Thank you, sir.

1573
01:07:48.760 --> 01:07:50.113
You're so kind.

1574
01:07:50.240 --> 01:07:51.468
You'll be always welcome.

1575
01:07:51.600 --> 01:07:53.989
Thank you, sir.

1576
01:07:54.120 --> 01:07:55.314
Shareef Hahsid,

1577
01:07:55.440 --> 01:07:56.953
thank you for keeping me safe.

1578
01:08:00.920 --> 01:08:02.433
Thank you.

1579
01:08:02.560 --> 01:08:03.560
- Bye, sir.
- Bye.

1580
01:08:03.680 --> 01:08:04.908
Have a nice trip.

1581
01:08:05.040 --> 01:08:06.640
- We will miss you.
- I'll miss you, too.

1582
01:08:06.720 --> 01:08:09.598
- Maybe I like to visit America one time.
- Oh, man.

1583
01:08:09.720 --> 01:08:12.996
- You gotta come with me to America, dude.
- Yeah, yeah.

1584
01:08:13.120 --> 01:08:14.792
- If you come back another time,
- Abso...

1585
01:08:14.920 --> 01:08:16.656
- I want to visit your mother place.
- Absolutely, Shareef.

1586
01:08:16.680 --> 01:08:17.896
- Yeah, take care.
- Absolutely.

1587
01:08:17.920 --> 01:08:19.478
Get down!

1588
01:08:21.400 --> 01:08:23.834
It was later learned
that the shots fired

1589
01:08:23.960 --> 01:08:26.554
from the rooftop were not
from an Al-Qaeda sniper,

1590
01:08:26.680 --> 01:08:28.238
but the result of a dispute

1591
01:08:28.360 --> 01:08:30.669
between the shooter

1592
01:08:30.800 --> 01:08:32.995
and the hotel's
security guard,

1593
01:08:33.120 --> 01:08:36.157
concerning one of the man 's
two wives and a goat.

1594
01:08:36.280 --> 01:08:37.633
Sorry.

1595
01:08:37.800 --> 01:08:39.119
Sorry, sorry, comi ng through.

1596
01:08:39.240 --> 01:08:40.240
Sorry, coming through.

1597
01:08:57.240 --> 01:09:00.630
Goddamn it!
Fucking scaffolding?!

1598
01:09:01.920 --> 01:09:04.480
Next time use a backup line.

1599
01:09:22.840 --> 01:09:24.717
Taxi! Taxi!

1600
01:09:24.840 --> 01:09:26.558
My friend! My friend!

1601
01:09:26.720 --> 01:09:29.154
- Taxi!
- I will give you a ride. Come.

1602
01:09:30.200 --> 01:09:31.918
Do you see that motorcycle?

1603
01:09:32.040 --> 01:09:33.189
- Follow him.
- Like movie.

1604
01:09:33.320 --> 01:09:34.992
Yeah. Like movie,

1605
01:09:35.120 --> 01:09:36.120
although real.

1606
01:09:36.200 --> 01:09:38.111
Go, Havidee, go!

1607
01:09:40.640 --> 01:09:41.993
Ah! Fuck!

1608
01:09:46.320 --> 01:09:48.311
We have been driving
for two hours.

1609
01:09:48.440 --> 01:09:50.590
I'm running out of gas.

1610
01:09:50.720 --> 01:09:54.235
That son-of-a-bitch
is Al-Qaeda.

1611
01:09:54.360 --> 01:09:56.032
That is his name, Al-Qaeda?

1612
01:09:56.160 --> 01:09:57.960
- No, he's in Al-Qaeda.
- He is?

1613
01:09:58.040 --> 01:09:59.598
That's right.
And he's going to lead us

1614
01:09:59.720 --> 01:10:01.312
- to Osama bin Laden.
- Us?

1615
01:10:01.440 --> 01:10:03.510
- Are you serious?
- I'm damn serious.

1616
01:10:03.640 --> 01:10:05.153
There he is.
He's going up the hill.

1617
01:10:05.280 --> 01:10:06.508
Follow him.

1618
01:10:06.680 --> 01:10:08.016
I'm telling you,
we're gonna lose this guy.

1619
01:10:08.040 --> 01:10:09.109
I cannot, my friend.

1620
01:10:09.240 --> 01:10:11.549
This old thing will not make it
up the road.

1621
01:10:11.680 --> 01:10:13.272
All right. Look, I understand.

1622
01:10:13.400 --> 01:10:15.630
Are you sure
you won't come back with me?

1623
01:10:15.760 --> 01:10:17.955
We could have tea and talk
about football and women.

1624
01:10:18.080 --> 01:10:20.071
Maybe some day, my friend.
Maybe some day,

1625
01:10:20.200 --> 01:10:23.158
but right now,
I've got a job to do.

1626
01:10:33.960 --> 01:10:36.110
After all the hardships,

1627
01:10:36.240 --> 01:10:37.593
the struggles,

1628
01:10:37.720 --> 01:10:39.119
the wrong turns,

1629
01:10:39.240 --> 01:10:41.754
Gary had caught the scent
of his quarry.

1630
01:10:41.920 --> 01:10:46.914
Osama bin Laden was just
over this hill.

1631
01:10:48.480 --> 01:10:50.152
Hello.

1632
01:10:50.280 --> 01:10:52.236
Shit.

1633
01:10:55.240 --> 01:10:59.756
♪ Everybody really wants
to know ♪

1634
01:10:59.880 --> 01:11:04.078
♪ How it is
that I love you so. ♪

1635
01:11:06.680 --> 01:11:08.193
Hi, God.

1636
01:11:08.320 --> 01:11:10.231
Hey, Gary.

1637
01:11:10.360 --> 01:11:12.237
Here you are,

1638
01:11:12.360 --> 01:11:14.430
closer to him

1639
01:11:14.560 --> 01:11:15.675
than ever.

1640
01:11:15.800 --> 01:11:17.711
And he's out here, isn't he?

1641
01:11:17.840 --> 01:11:19.796
You feel him, Gary.

1642
01:11:19.960 --> 01:11:21.996
He's out here.

1643
01:11:30.400 --> 01:11:34.791
I was irresponsible
in making your species.

1644
01:11:34.920 --> 01:11:37.673
Cursing you with consciousness.

1645
01:11:42.440 --> 01:11:44.556
Gary.

1646
01:11:44.680 --> 01:11:46.830
I'm just like you.

1647
01:11:46.960 --> 01:11:50.111
A handyman trying to fix up
a cosmic shack

1648
01:11:50.280 --> 01:11:53.670
with a nail here
and a lick of paint there.

1649
01:11:53.800 --> 01:11:58.191
Knowing that the building
really needs to be condemned.

1650
01:11:58.320 --> 01:12:02.108
People say that I made you
in my image,

1651
01:12:02.240 --> 01:12:05.277
but the truth is,

1652
01:12:05.400 --> 01:12:07.152
you made me in yours.

1653
01:12:10.240 --> 01:12:12.390
That's why we're in trouble.

1654
01:12:26.800 --> 01:12:27.915
The G is in the air.

1655
01:12:29.360 --> 01:12:31.396
King Donkey's in the sky.

1656
01:12:33.240 --> 01:12:34.389
Hey, there.

1657
01:12:34.520 --> 01:12:35.669
It's me.

1658
01:12:35.800 --> 01:12:36.869
It's the G.

1659
01:12:37.000 --> 01:12:39.355
What the hell?

1660
01:12:40.480 --> 01:12:42.835
Oh, shit.

1661
01:12:44.640 --> 01:12:47.234
I see you, Binny boy.

1662
01:12:47.360 --> 01:12:48.873
The time has come.

1663
01:12:49.000 --> 01:12:50.797
The G has arrived.

1664
01:13:12.000 --> 01:13:13.718
Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah.

1665
01:13:13.840 --> 01:13:16.593
Y-y-yeah, y-y-y-yeah!

1666
01:13:16.720 --> 01:13:19.075
Bin salam alaikum
Binny boy.

1667
01:13:19.200 --> 01:13:21.430
Alaikum salaam, Gary Fuckner.

1668
01:13:21.560 --> 01:13:23.198
This is where you live?

1669
01:13:23.320 --> 01:13:24.799
This shit hole?

1670
01:13:24.960 --> 01:13:27.269
What happened to the place
I saw on TV?

1671
01:13:27.400 --> 01:13:28.628
W-What place was that, Gary?

1672
01:13:28.760 --> 01:13:29.988
Your crib, man.

1673
01:13:30.120 --> 01:13:31.519
Don't you watch TV?

1674
01:13:31.640 --> 01:13:33.756
You had all those photos
with the terrorists.

1675
01:13:33.880 --> 01:13:35.598
Your own customized
pinball machine.

1676
01:13:35.760 --> 01:13:38.877
- Pin... what is pinball?
- Don't fuck with me.

1677
01:13:39.000 --> 01:13:40.736
Gary, I have absolutely no idea
what you're talking about.

1678
01:13:40.760 --> 01:13:42.113
You know it's really
very simple.

1679
01:13:42.240 --> 01:13:43.656
Let me see if I can explain
it to you

1680
01:13:43.680 --> 01:13:47.434
in words you might be able
to understand.

1681
01:13:47.560 --> 01:13:48.936
America's the greatest country
on Earth.

1682
01:13:48.960 --> 01:13:50.296
I'm not talking
about the government.

1683
01:13:50.320 --> 01:13:51.416
I might even agree
with you there,

1684
01:13:51.440 --> 01:13:52.634
a bunch of crooks and liars.

1685
01:13:52.760 --> 01:13:54.637
I'm talking
about the people, Osama.

1686
01:13:54.760 --> 01:13:55.760
They're good people.

1687
01:13:55.800 --> 01:13:57.233
Gary, stop it. Stop talking.

1688
01:13:57.360 --> 01:13:58.759
- Uh, oh.
- Shut up.

1689
01:13:58.880 --> 01:14:00.711
- Shut up, is that what you're saying?
- Yes.

1690
01:14:00.840 --> 01:14:02.558
I don't really know
how you got in here,

1691
01:14:02.680 --> 01:14:04.432
or what you're even doing here,

1692
01:14:04.560 --> 01:14:06.152
but I'm going to give you
one chance

1693
01:14:06.280 --> 01:14:07.759
to turn around and leave.

1694
01:14:07.920 --> 01:14:09.056
Oh, you're going
to give me a chance.

1695
01:14:09.080 --> 01:14:10.080
Yes.

1696
01:14:10.160 --> 01:14:11.912
See, I'm Osama bin Lad...

1697
01:14:12.040 --> 01:14:13.376
Don't laugh. I'm Osa...

1698
01:14:13.400 --> 01:14:14.753
Hey.

1699
01:14:14.880 --> 01:14:16.677
- No, I'm Osama bin Laden.
- Okay.

1700
01:14:16.800 --> 01:14:18.096
Yeah, and I'm the head of the Al-Qaeda.

1701
01:14:18.120 --> 01:14:20.429
And I will not rest
until my mission

1702
01:14:20.600 --> 01:14:22.955
is accomplished, or at least
until I die a glorious

1703
01:14:23.080 --> 01:14:24.752
fiery death trying.
Stop laughing.

1704
01:14:24.880 --> 01:14:27.713
I had a feeling you were going
to say something like that.

1705
01:14:27.840 --> 01:14:29.592
In that case...

1706
01:14:29.720 --> 01:14:32.075
looks like I've got a job to do.

1707
01:14:33.200 --> 01:14:34.200
Un-fucking-believable.

1708
01:14:38.680 --> 01:14:39.715
Ooh!

1709
01:14:42.520 --> 01:14:43.953
No! No!

1710
01:14:45.680 --> 01:14:46.749
No!

1711
01:14:46.880 --> 01:14:48.359
Aha!

1712
01:14:55.800 --> 01:14:56.869
Shit!

1713
01:15:07.280 --> 01:15:09.032
My fingers are tingling!

1714
01:15:09.160 --> 01:15:11.040
It's not my fucking fault.
I didn't expect that.

1715
01:15:28.400 --> 01:15:29.833
Stop that.

1716
01:15:30.000 --> 01:15:31.399
♪ How it is that ♪

1717
01:15:31.520 --> 01:15:32.976
- ♪ I love you so ♪
- What are you doing?

1718
01:15:33.000 --> 01:15:34.149
- ♪ My Money ♪
- Lunatic.

1719
01:15:34.280 --> 01:15:35.395
♪ Call me honey ♪

1720
01:15:35.520 --> 01:15:36.536
Just fucking fight
normally, guy.

1721
01:15:36.560 --> 01:15:37.788
♪ Let me say how ♪

1722
01:15:37.920 --> 01:15:38.976
- ♪ There's just a ♪
- We brawl.

1723
01:15:39.000 --> 01:15:40.558
♪ Wave of his hand. ♪
Shut up!

1724
01:15:40.720 --> 01:15:43.359
Let it kill.

1725
01:15:43.480 --> 01:15:45.198
I won! I won!

1726
01:15:51.720 --> 01:15:53.517
Mr. Faulkner.

1727
01:15:55.480 --> 01:15:56.629
- Good morning.
- Hi.

1728
01:15:56.760 --> 01:15:58.034
How are you feeling?

1729
01:15:58.160 --> 01:15:59.736
- Can I get you anything? A Pepsi?
- Stop, stop it.

1730
01:15:59.760 --> 01:16:01.056
He's a diabetic;
don't give him a Pepsi.

1731
01:16:01.080 --> 01:16:02.336
You're gonna throw
him into shock.

1732
01:16:02.360 --> 01:16:03.952
- Where am I? Where am I?
- Diet Pepsi?

1733
01:16:04.120 --> 01:16:05.376
- You are in a hospital
- A U.S. hospital.

1734
01:16:05.400 --> 01:16:06.536
- In Islamabad.
- You were found

1735
01:16:06.560 --> 01:16:08.152
in a field unconscious.

1736
01:16:08.280 --> 01:16:09.349
Where's Osama?

1737
01:16:10.480 --> 01:16:11.515
Osama?!

1738
01:16:12.720 --> 01:16:14.233
Gosh, he's not here.

1739
01:16:14.360 --> 01:16:16.456
- What about the cave?
- Mr. Faulkner, there are millions

1740
01:16:16.480 --> 01:16:17.629
of caves in Pakistan.

1741
01:16:17.800 --> 01:16:19.080
I don't think
you were in a cave.

1742
01:16:19.200 --> 01:16:20.633
Even if you were in a cave,

1743
01:16:20.800 --> 01:16:22.336
we wouldn't be able to identify
which cave you were in.

1744
01:16:22.360 --> 01:16:24.715
- You let him go!
- You know what, you're frustrated.

1745
01:16:24.840 --> 01:16:26.296
- Calm down, your heart.
- We're all frustrated,

1746
01:16:26.320 --> 01:16:27.435
Mr. Faulkner.

1747
01:16:27.600 --> 01:16:29.480
- I had Osama bin Laden!
- You did not have him!

1748
01:16:29.600 --> 01:16:31.240
- And you let him go!
- You never had him!

1749
01:16:31.360 --> 01:16:32.076
- Don't you bother me.
- You never had...

1750
01:16:32.200 --> 01:16:33.280
You let Osama bin Laden go.

1751
01:16:33.400 --> 01:16:34.913
- Stay, please.
- You never had

1752
01:16:35.040 --> 01:16:36.234
- OBL!
- I had him!

1753
01:16:36.400 --> 01:16:38.072
You let him go!

1754
01:17:03.560 --> 01:17:04.560
- Hey.
- Oh, oh!

1755
01:17:06.200 --> 01:17:07.616
- I'm back.
- Oh, my God, get in here.

1756
01:17:07.640 --> 01:17:09.312
- Okay.
- Oh, my God.

1757
01:17:09.440 --> 01:17:10.953
Lizzie!

1758
01:17:11.080 --> 01:17:12.080
Guess who it is?

1759
01:17:12.160 --> 01:17:13.434
There she is!

1760
01:17:13.560 --> 01:17:14.675
Oh, I've got surprises.

1761
01:17:14.800 --> 01:17:16.472
I've got goodies.

1762
01:17:16.600 --> 01:17:18.238
Oh, look at this.

1763
01:17:18.400 --> 01:17:19.799
You know what this is?

1764
01:17:19.920 --> 01:17:21.069
Look.

1765
01:17:21.200 --> 01:17:23.760
This is an exotic dress
from Pakistan.

1766
01:17:24.880 --> 01:17:25.949
Isn't that nice?

1767
01:17:26.080 --> 01:17:27.798
- That is gorgeous.
- Yeah, well,

1768
01:17:27.920 --> 01:17:29.360
they were very nice there.
They were.

1769
01:17:29.400 --> 01:17:30.799
They were very welcoming,

1770
01:17:30.920 --> 01:17:32.216
and one day I'd like
to take both of you there.

1771
01:17:32.240 --> 01:17:33.116
It'd be an adventure.

1772
01:17:33.240 --> 01:17:34.240
We'd love to go.

1773
01:17:34.360 --> 01:17:35.236
- Yeah.
- Right?

1774
01:17:35.360 --> 01:17:36.360
Yeah.

1775
01:17:36.480 --> 01:17:37.549
I hope you don't mind.

1776
01:17:37.680 --> 01:17:39.238
I called a radio station,

1777
01:17:39.360 --> 01:17:40.760
and-and I told them
all about you...

1778
01:17:40.840 --> 01:17:41.896
- Radio station?
- ...and I think they want

1779
01:17:41.920 --> 01:17:43.069
- to interview you...
- Oh.

1780
01:17:43.200 --> 01:17:44.336
...later on this week,
if that's okay.

1781
01:17:44.360 --> 01:17:45.236
An interview?

1782
01:17:45.360 --> 01:17:46.918
Well, I'd have
to check my schedule.

1783
01:17:47.040 --> 01:17:48.268
You know, I have a lot to do.

1784
01:17:48.400 --> 01:17:50.595
I'm-I'm planning
and training and...

1785
01:17:50.720 --> 01:17:52.631
but, uh, well,
we'll see, we'll see.

1786
01:17:52.760 --> 01:17:54.079
- Yeah.
- Oh.

1787
01:17:54.200 --> 01:17:55.536
- I'm glad you're home.
- I'm glad to be back.

1788
01:17:55.560 --> 01:17:56.816
- I am.
- I'm so glad you're home.

1789
01:17:56.840 --> 01:17:57.936
- I'm so glad I'm home.
- Thank you.

1790
01:17:57.960 --> 01:17:59.109
I'm so glad I'm home.

1791
01:17:59.240 --> 01:18:00.576
- Okay, you want to try this on?
- Yeah.

1792
01:18:00.600 --> 01:18:03.592
Duh-duh-duh-duh!

1793
01:18:03.720 --> 01:18:04.596
- Huh?
- Oh!

1794
01:18:04.720 --> 01:18:05.789
Yeah!

1795
01:18:05.920 --> 01:18:06.920
You look great.

1796
01:18:08.200 --> 01:18:09.633
I'll get it!

1797
01:18:13.440 --> 01:18:15.192
- Gary! Gary! Gary!
- The fuck!

1798
01:18:15.320 --> 01:18:17.436
Oh, shit!

1799
01:18:17.560 --> 01:18:19.118
Oh, my God.

1800
01:18:19.240 --> 01:18:20.536
Tell us about your experiences.

1801
01:18:20.560 --> 01:18:22.232
Yeah, yeah, with bin Laden,
yeah.

1802
01:18:22.360 --> 01:18:23.856
Dr. Ross, it's-it's Gary.

1803
01:18:23.880 --> 01:18:25.552
He's on the radio.

1804
01:18:25.720 --> 01:18:27.536
Uh, tell us, Gary,
how did you finance the trip?

1805
01:18:27.560 --> 01:18:29.516
Yeah, I lied
to my kidney doctor.

1806
01:18:29.680 --> 01:18:31.272
I told him I bought
an engagement ring,

1807
01:18:31.400 --> 01:18:34.278
but really I bought a boat
and sailed to Pakistan.

1808
01:18:36.720 --> 01:18:38.096
Most people thought I was crazy,

1809
01:18:38.120 --> 01:18:39.720
but I guess to my friends,
I seem normal.

1810
01:18:39.840 --> 01:18:41.114
Yeah.

1811
01:18:41.240 --> 01:18:42.496
You know, I really could not

1812
01:18:42.520 --> 01:18:43.776
have done anything
without Marci,

1813
01:18:43.800 --> 01:18:44.880
and you know what they say.

1814
01:18:45.000 --> 01:18:46.592
It's easier to beg
for forgiveness

1815
01:18:46.720 --> 01:18:48.597
than to ask for permission.

1816
01:18:48.720 --> 01:18:52.474
Hollywood called, and they want
to make a movie about The G,

1817
01:18:52.600 --> 01:18:54.397
and they said,
"Who do you want to play you?

1818
01:18:54.520 --> 01:18:56.636
Clint Eastwood or Dan Aykroyd?"

1819
01:18:56.760 --> 01:18:57.988
I thought,
"I don't know."

1820
01:18:58.120 --> 01:18:59.599
And then they
brought up Nic Cage.

1821
01:18:59.720 --> 01:19:01.597
I said,
"Nic Cage did Con Air."

1822
01:19:01.720 --> 01:19:04.757
Don't you think I look a little
like Nic Cage in Con Air?

1823
01:19:08.720 --> 01:19:10.472
Let me help you
with the groceries.

1824
01:19:10.640 --> 01:19:12.198
- I can get that.
- Thanks.

1825
01:19:12.320 --> 01:19:14.675
Yeah.

1826
01:19:16.520 --> 01:19:17.589
Lettuce.

1827
01:19:17.720 --> 01:19:18.720
Oh, thanks.

1828
01:19:18.840 --> 01:19:19.989
Oh, wow.

1829
01:19:20.120 --> 01:19:21.758
Roasted marshmallows
are the best.

1830
01:19:21.880 --> 01:19:23.029
These are the best.

1831
01:19:24.840 --> 01:19:28.276
Um... you know, I was going
to make veggie lasagna tonight.

1832
01:19:28.400 --> 01:19:30.391
I'd love to but...

1833
01:19:30.520 --> 01:19:31.800
I-I-I got to be straight
with you

1834
01:19:31.920 --> 01:19:33.558
because I know it's important,
you know.

1835
01:19:33.680 --> 01:19:36.353
I-I'm going back to Pakistan.

1836
01:19:40.200 --> 01:19:41.633
You're going back to Pakistan.

1837
01:19:41.760 --> 01:19:43.637
Well, yeah, I got
to get the job done.

1838
01:19:43.760 --> 01:19:45.193
Are you afraid of anything?

1839
01:19:45.320 --> 01:19:46.389
Does anything scare you?

1840
01:19:46.520 --> 01:19:48.238
Islands.

1841
01:19:48.360 --> 01:19:49.634
Islands? What do you mean?

1842
01:19:49.800 --> 01:19:51.336
- Like... island-islands?
- Yeah... yeah.

1843
01:19:51.360 --> 01:19:52.679
Like Hawaii?

1844
01:19:52.800 --> 01:19:54.136
Yeah, most people
are afraid of islands.

1845
01:19:54.160 --> 01:19:55.800
They just don't know it,
but it's natural.

1846
01:19:55.880 --> 01:19:57.856
It's natural to fear them
because when you're on an island

1847
01:19:57.880 --> 01:19:59.313
you're surrounded and stuff,

1848
01:19:59.480 --> 01:20:00.536
and, anyway, I'm more inclined

1849
01:20:00.560 --> 01:20:01.760
'cause I'm a Leo, and lions...

1850
01:20:01.840 --> 01:20:03.056
they just have no place
on an island.

1851
01:20:03.080 --> 01:20:04.080
I mean, that's a fact.

1852
01:20:04.120 --> 01:20:05.120
That's a fact.

1853
01:20:08.880 --> 01:20:11.110
Do you want to know
what I'm afraid of?

1854
01:20:11.280 --> 01:20:12.395
Bats.

1855
01:20:12.520 --> 01:20:13.669
No.

1856
01:20:14.760 --> 01:20:16.557
That's all I got.

1857
01:20:16.680 --> 01:20:19.353
It's a long list.

1858
01:20:19.480 --> 01:20:21.391
Well, hey, listen...

1859
01:20:21.520 --> 01:20:23.317
as long as I'm around,

1860
01:20:23.440 --> 01:20:26.591
if you need any help
slaying any demons,

1861
01:20:26.720 --> 01:20:28.199
I'm your man.

1862
01:20:28.320 --> 01:20:30.470
And what about
when you're not here?

1863
01:20:39.760 --> 01:20:41.273
- Come on.
- Where's Lizzie?

1864
01:20:41.400 --> 01:20:42.913
School.

1865
01:20:48.960 --> 01:20:50.837
Come on.

1866
01:20:59.600 --> 01:21:02.433
Tonight, I can report
to the American people

1867
01:21:02.560 --> 01:21:05.313
that the United States has
conducted an operation

1868
01:21:05.440 --> 01:21:07.908
that killed Osama bin Laden,

1869
01:21:08.040 --> 01:21:09.155
the leader of Al-Qaeda.

1870
01:21:09.280 --> 01:21:11.510
The images of 9/11 are seared

1871
01:21:11.640 --> 01:21:12.959
into our national memory.

1872
01:21:13.080 --> 01:21:14.308
And a terrorist

1873
01:21:14.440 --> 01:21:16.396
responsible for the murder
of thousands

1874
01:21:16.520 --> 01:21:18.033
of innocent men,

1875
01:21:18.160 --> 01:21:19.275
women, and children.

1876
01:21:19.400 --> 01:21:21.356
Jet planes... cutting through...

1877
01:21:21.520 --> 01:21:23.511
a cloudless September sky.

1878
01:21:23.640 --> 01:21:26.552
The Twin Towers collapsing to the ground.

1879
01:21:26.680 --> 01:21:28.216
I determined
that we had enough...

1880
01:21:28.240 --> 01:21:30.435
Oh, my God, this is a big day
for America, okay.

1881
01:21:30.560 --> 01:21:32.118
Those guys are heroes.

1882
01:21:32.280 --> 01:21:34.635
...to get Osama bin Laden

1883
01:21:34.760 --> 01:21:36.273
and bring him to justice.

1884
01:21:36.400 --> 01:21:38.630
The United States launched
a targeted operation

1885
01:21:38.760 --> 01:21:40.512
against that compound...

1886
01:21:40.640 --> 01:21:41.914
Gary, are you okay?

1887
01:21:42.080 --> 01:21:44.036
Oh, yeah.

1888
01:21:45.120 --> 01:21:46.678
That crazy God of mine.

1889
01:21:46.800 --> 01:21:49.837
He sure works
in mysterious ways.

1890
01:21:49.960 --> 01:21:52.235
It's a sign.

1891
01:21:52.360 --> 01:21:54.920
I'd be foolish not to heed it.

1892
01:21:55.040 --> 01:21:58.715
You know, that last construction
company offered me a job.

1893
01:22:00.400 --> 01:22:02.277
Maybe it's time we take this
to the next level.

1894
01:22:02.920 --> 01:22:04.656
There's no doubt that
Al-Qaeda will continue

1895
01:22:04.680 --> 01:22:06.272
to persue attacks against us.

1896
01:22:06.440 --> 01:22:07.896
Traditional procedures

1897
01:22:07.920 --> 01:22:09.751
for lslamic burial
were followed.

1898
01:22:09.880 --> 01:22:13.111
The deceased's body was washed,
then placed in a white sheet.

1899
01:22:13.280 --> 01:22:16.477
After, the body was placed
on a prepared flat board,

1900
01:22:16.600 --> 01:22:18.875
tipped up, whereupon
the deceased's body

1901
01:22:19.000 --> 01:22:20.831
slipped into the sea.

1902
01:22:20.960 --> 01:22:23.394
Well...

1903
01:22:23.520 --> 01:22:25.556
what do you think?

1904
01:22:25.680 --> 01:22:27.671
They buried him at sea.

1905
01:22:27.800 --> 01:22:31.713
Really?

1906
01:22:31.880 --> 01:22:33.791
No pictures yet released,

1907
01:22:33.920 --> 01:22:35.638
but there's still
a lot more information...

1908
01:22:37.720 --> 01:22:41.599
The U.S. government
is embarrassed,

1909
01:22:41.720 --> 01:22:45.110
because they have not caught him
yet, so they want to make us

1910
01:22:45.240 --> 01:22:47.151
believe that he's dead.

1911
01:22:47.280 --> 01:22:50.397
Otherwise,
why not show us his face?

1912
01:22:50.520 --> 01:22:51.839
Show us his body.

1913
01:22:51.960 --> 01:22:53.632
Why-why the burial at sea?

1914
01:22:53.760 --> 01:22:57.639
He's alive and I'm the only one

1915
01:22:57.760 --> 01:22:59.637
who can capture him.

1916
01:22:59.760 --> 01:23:01.955
I am Gary Faulkner.

1917
01:23:02.120 --> 01:23:04.395
I'm the Donkey King.

1918
01:23:04.520 --> 01:23:07.796
It's a lie!

1919
01:23:07.960 --> 01:23:09.359
I'm going back!

1920
01:23:09.480 --> 01:23:10.913
That's right, Lizzie.

1921
01:23:11.040 --> 01:23:12.840
When you find your purpose,
you have to do it.

1922
01:23:12.920 --> 01:23:14.911
You have to do it,
no matter what.

1923
01:23:15.040 --> 01:23:17.076
Lizzie! Lizzie!

1924
01:23:17.200 --> 01:23:18.872
This is my sword.

1925
01:23:19.000 --> 01:23:20.000
Well, it was my sword.

1926
01:23:20.120 --> 01:23:21.120
Now it's your sword.

1927
01:23:21.240 --> 01:23:23.231
Wait a minute.

1928
01:23:23.360 --> 01:23:24.634
You don't need a sword.

1929
01:23:24.760 --> 01:23:26.830
This is just a stick
to hold a balloon.

1930
01:23:28.080 --> 01:23:29.274
Just a handle for joy

1931
01:23:29.440 --> 01:23:31.271
as far as I'm concerned.

1932
01:23:31.440 --> 01:23:33.396
So, you hold on tight,
sweetheart,

1933
01:23:33.520 --> 01:23:35.431
because joy comes forever.

1934
01:23:35.560 --> 01:23:38.757
Joy comes forever.

1935
01:23:38.880 --> 01:23:42.509
Aw, I love you, too, sweetheart.

1936
01:23:42.640 --> 01:23:45.438
Don't wait up, babe.

1937
01:23:51.160 --> 01:23:52.991
Gary!

1938
01:23:53.120 --> 01:23:55.509
Come back.

1939
01:23:57.040 --> 01:23:59.713
Don't worry, I will.

1940
01:24:53.600 --> 01:24:55.192
So, why don't you use
your free will

1941
01:24:55.360 --> 01:24:56.952
and freedom of choice,

1942
01:24:57.080 --> 01:24:59.310
and then make the decision

1943
01:24:59.440 --> 01:25:02.716
that'll make us both proud.

1944
01:25:14.280 --> 01:25:15.474
What?

1945
01:25:17.640 --> 01:25:19.710
What if I just gave up?

1946
01:25:19.880 --> 01:25:22.189
You, me, and...

1947
01:25:22.320 --> 01:25:26.552
Lizzie, we could just
spend some time together.

1948
01:25:32.200 --> 01:25:34.873
I love you, Marci Mitchell.

1949
01:25:37.000 --> 01:25:38.592
I don't know.

1950
01:25:40.880 --> 01:25:42.836
Come on.

1951
01:25:51.680 --> 01:25:53.636
Gary.

1952
01:25:54.680 --> 01:25:56.636
Gary!

1953
01:25:57.880 --> 01:25:58.949
Gary!

1954
01:26:01.040 --> 01:26:03.156
All's I want to go do
is take a nap

1955
01:26:03.280 --> 01:26:05.555
for about two days.

1956
01:26:12.880 --> 01:26:15.792
Gary Faulkner
from Greeley, Colorado,

1957
01:26:15.920 --> 01:26:18.878
was found alone in a forest
in northern Pakistan.

1958
01:26:23.800 --> 01:26:25.296
Well, I was thinking that
someone's got to get him.

1959
01:26:25.320 --> 01:26:26.435
Why not me?

1960
01:26:37.480 --> 01:26:38.616
And joining us now exclusively

1961
01:26:38.640 --> 01:26:40.676
this morning is Gary Faulkner.

1962
01:26:40.840 --> 01:26:42.432
- Good morning.
- Well, good morning.

1963
01:26:42.560 --> 01:26:43.959
Did you find out where he was?

1964
01:26:44.080 --> 01:26:46.040
Yeah, he's waiting in a cave
for me to go get him.

1965
01:27:04.600 --> 01:27:06.096
But because
he had broken no laws,

1966
01:27:06.120 --> 01:27:08.475
Pakistan didn't charge
him with any crime.

1967
01:27:08.600 --> 01:27:11.433
All of this right here,
I didn't even want any of it.

1968
01:27:21.280 --> 01:27:22.872
You were in Pakistan
for ten days.

1969
01:27:23.000 --> 01:27:24.797
You were captured
by the Pakistani officials.

1970
01:27:29.680 --> 01:27:31.096
His trips cost a lot of money,

1971
01:27:31.120 --> 01:27:32.678
but they were not about him.

1972
01:27:32.800 --> 01:27:34.520
He said they were
about the American people.

1973
01:27:39.320 --> 01:27:43.598
I have never met more humble
and open people than that.

1974
01:27:51.240 --> 01:27:53.416
Well, how do you go about
trying to find Osama bin Laden?

1975
01:27:53.440 --> 01:27:54.634
You don't.

1976
01:27:54.760 --> 01:27:56.830
You let the spirit guide you.

1976
01:27:57.305 --> 01:28:03.703
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