WEBVTT 1 00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:12.074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:01:34.393 --> 00:01:37.593 Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. 3 00:01:38.693 --> 00:01:41.733 How in hell did I end up here again.. 4 00:01:43.383 --> 00:01:45.400 Fuck off. 5 00:02:51.861 --> 00:02:57.025 My birthday actually began the way of all my birthdays. 6 00:03:07.644 --> 00:03:10.516 Hello darling. Just ringing to wish you a happy birthday. 7 00:03:10.644 --> 00:03:13.213 Mom? It's six a.m. 8 00:03:13.224 --> 00:03:16.768 I'm doing the FaceTime. Una taught me. It's really marvellous. 9 00:03:16.892 --> 00:03:20.808 Mum, the point of FaceTime is that you haven't got to put the phone to your ear. 10 00:03:20.932 --> 00:03:23.808 Oh, please.. Oh, there you are. 11 00:03:23.932 --> 00:03:26.600 This time, 43 years ago... 12 00:03:26.732 --> 00:03:30.335 I was having a lamb beriyami in an attempt to coax you out. 13 00:03:30.708 --> 00:03:34.216 23 hours of labour. Never been the same down there. 14 00:03:34.308 --> 00:03:37.813 It's a miracle, the gift of childbirth. - Here it comes. 15 00:03:37.824 --> 00:03:41.144 Penny Husband-Bosworth's son sells his sperm on the internet. 16 00:03:41.155 --> 00:03:43.257 You don't need a man, Bridget. 17 00:03:43.268 --> 00:03:46.452 Some people have marvellous lives without them. Look at you. 18 00:03:46.463 --> 00:03:49.060 Nice flat, lovely job... 19 00:03:49.184 --> 00:03:52.268 Nice flat... - I'm putting the phone down now, mum. 20 00:03:53.504 --> 00:03:56.432 Say happy birthday to Bridget. Colin? 21 00:03:56.560 --> 00:03:58.184 Happy birthday to Bridget. 22 00:03:58.976 --> 00:04:00.438 Thank you. 23 00:04:00.613 --> 00:04:02.644 I love you darling. Now don't forget... 24 00:04:02.768 --> 00:04:05.436 I'm counting on you to head up my media campaign. 25 00:04:05.447 --> 00:04:09.184 It's the parish council elections, mum. Not the US primaries. 26 00:04:11.480 --> 00:04:16.600 The annual phone call from mum reminding me to take my ovaries out of retirement. 27 00:04:16.724 --> 00:04:20.768 The truth was that by now I thought I would have had a little baby to love 28 00:04:20.892 --> 00:04:23.100 with the chisel jawed love of my life. 29 00:04:23.224 --> 00:04:26.768 But sometimes life gives you shallower compensations 30 00:04:26.892 --> 00:04:30.392 and at least I was finally down to my perfect weight. 31 00:04:31.932 --> 00:04:33.144 Good morning, Ms. Bridget. 32 00:04:33.268 --> 00:04:34.852 You look beautiful again today. 33 00:04:34.976 --> 00:04:37.684 There was life in the old dog yet. 34 00:04:37.808 --> 00:04:40.852 Haven't exactly been put out to grass. 35 00:04:40.976 --> 00:04:42.976 Hah! Ding dong.. 36 00:04:44.144 --> 00:04:47.768 But this year all these things were brought into sharper focus... 37 00:04:47.892 --> 00:04:52.016 by an event I hadn't expected to attend quite so soon. 38 00:05:04.899 --> 00:05:05.899 Hi. 39 00:05:09.892 --> 00:05:11.881 So how are you feeling? Are you ok? 40 00:05:12.978 --> 00:05:14.104 Mm. Yeah. 41 00:05:14.115 --> 00:05:16.335 I just can't believe he's gone, really. 42 00:05:36.846 --> 00:05:39.422 His death seems to have hit the eastern European 43 00:05:39.422 --> 00:05:42.022 teenage modelling community particularly hard. 44 00:05:43.892 --> 00:05:47.060 They found the flight recorder but still no bodies. 45 00:05:48.008 --> 00:05:51.476 Strangely fitting that he should have died going down in the bush. 46 00:05:57.476 --> 00:06:01.060 We are gathered here to celebrate the life... 47 00:06:01.184 --> 00:06:04.749 of Daniel Vivian Cleaver. 48 00:06:04.852 --> 00:06:09.932 Daniel was a kind and wonderful son... 49 00:06:10.328 --> 00:06:13.145 Fuck. What the fuck is he doing here? 50 00:06:14.600 --> 00:06:18.144 You know what he's like, wanting to do the decent thing. 51 00:06:18.744 --> 00:06:20.255 Is that his wife? 52 00:06:21.684 --> 00:06:24.392 Did I ever get over losing Mr. Darcy? 53 00:06:24.745 --> 00:06:27.037 Was he my Mr. Right? 54 00:06:27.308 --> 00:06:28.560 Oh Christ. 55 00:06:28.684 --> 00:06:33.892 A man of outstanding charm and charisma. 56 00:06:34.143 --> 00:06:37.771 Just a bit emotional. - I would like to invite his loved ones up... 57 00:06:38.684 --> 00:06:43.684 to share some of their memories of Daniel. 58 00:06:45.600 --> 00:06:47.892 Daniel could be very sensitive ... 59 00:06:48.109 --> 00:06:50.916 Make you feel like you were the only woman in the world. 60 00:06:50.927 --> 00:06:52.589 I first met Daniel in Moscow. 61 00:06:52.600 --> 00:06:56.509 He once took me rowing on the Serpentine and quoted Keats by heart. 62 00:06:56.520 --> 00:07:00.224 He could quote Keats by heart. - Where be ye going,you Devon maid. 63 00:07:00.352 --> 00:07:03.516 And what have you there in the basket? - Where are you going, you Devon maid. 64 00:07:03.644 --> 00:07:06.224 And what have you there in the basket? 65 00:07:07.050 --> 00:07:10.505 You tight little fairy, just fresh from the dairy. 66 00:07:10.516 --> 00:07:13.144 Will you give me some cream if I ask it? 67 00:07:17.392 --> 00:07:19.020 He did it to everyone. 68 00:07:19.432 --> 00:07:22.724 Anybody else like to say a few words? 69 00:07:23.169 --> 00:07:24.709 Say something for his mum. 70 00:07:27.932 --> 00:07:29.308 Come on. 71 00:07:41.892 --> 00:07:44.515 Daniel was a man ... 72 00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:51.278 who touched many of us here today, including me. 73 00:07:55.106 --> 00:07:56.190 Oh dear. 74 00:07:57.224 --> 00:08:00.745 This is when Daniel would say, "Shut up, Jones." 75 00:08:00.756 --> 00:08:05.144 And he would be right, because all I really need to say is... 76 00:08:06.016 --> 00:08:09.852 Dear Daniel, I will miss you terribly. 77 00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:11.852 We all will. 78 00:08:17.976 --> 00:08:20.684 Give you a call? - Yes very good. Bye bye. 79 00:08:21.476 --> 00:08:23.426 Bridget. - Mark. 80 00:08:24.167 --> 00:08:26.472 This is Camilla. - Hello. 81 00:08:26.483 --> 00:08:28.494 Bridget, an old friend. 82 00:08:28.505 --> 00:08:31.773 Well, less old, more childhood. 83 00:08:33.567 --> 00:08:34.735 So... 84 00:08:35.432 --> 00:08:39.003 Nice memorial, as memorials go. 85 00:08:39.023 --> 00:08:42.345 Almost makes one look forward to one's own. 86 00:08:44.414 --> 00:08:46.166 Yes, well... 87 00:08:47.357 --> 00:08:49.317 Goodbye. - Goodbye. 88 00:08:52.948 --> 00:08:56.219 Maybe that's the reason Mark Darcy and I never made it. 89 00:08:56.414 --> 00:09:00.746 I always felt like a verbally incontinent old maid, even when we were together. 90 00:09:01.352 --> 00:09:04.284 Still, I wasn't going to dwell on the negatives. 91 00:09:04.295 --> 00:09:07.184 At least no-one at work knew it was my birthday. 92 00:09:07.442 --> 00:09:09.996 Or indeed, how old I was going to be. 93 00:09:10.060 --> 00:09:12.060 Surprise. 94 00:09:13.224 --> 00:09:15.600 Congratulations, Bridget. 95 00:09:15.611 --> 00:09:18.195 Or so I thought. 96 00:09:18.743 --> 00:09:20.495 Who told you? 97 00:09:20.506 --> 00:09:23.050 It's so hot. So many candles. 98 00:09:31.268 --> 00:09:34.360 Isn't there some sort of statute of limitations about the 99 00:09:34.460 --> 00:09:37.660 number of sodding candles on a cake once you get to a certain age? 100 00:09:38.653 --> 00:09:43.265 Josh, I need you to see what Reuters is saying about the attacks on Ramallah. 101 00:09:43.276 --> 00:09:44.965 We might need a live link. And Laura... 102 00:09:44.976 --> 00:09:47.759 I may have been another year older and still single... 103 00:09:47.770 --> 00:09:51.857 but I could always take consolation in my job as top news producer. 104 00:09:51.868 --> 00:09:54.844 So, how will I be changing the world today? 105 00:09:54.855 --> 00:09:57.943 Well, our main feature is the exclusive interview... 106 00:09:57.954 --> 00:10:00.724 with the Foreign Secretary about NGochi. 107 00:10:00.852 --> 00:10:03.940 Oh, gee. How did you do that? - NGochi. 108 00:10:03.951 --> 00:10:05.389 NGochi. - You're good at that. 109 00:10:05.400 --> 00:10:07.100 I know. I've been practising. NGochi. 110 00:10:11.887 --> 00:10:13.839 It's harder than you think. 111 00:10:13.850 --> 00:10:16.270 Plus, have great new 30 something work colleagues 112 00:10:16.370 --> 00:10:18.670 who are not obsessed with children and marriage. 113 00:10:18.681 --> 00:10:20.864 How do we plan on celebrating tonight? 114 00:10:20.875 --> 00:10:24.537 Well, night out with the gang. - Please say that involves group sex. 115 00:10:24.548 --> 00:10:27.291 Gangbangs? Ooh, we'd like to do that. 116 00:10:27.302 --> 00:10:29.793 I know a smashing little club in the back of Berwick Street. 117 00:10:29.804 --> 00:10:31.685 Chance would be a fine thing. 118 00:10:31.696 --> 00:10:34.543 I'm beginning to think I'm past my sexual sell by date. 119 00:10:34.554 --> 00:10:37.437 No. There are names for women like you now, Bridge. 120 00:10:37.448 --> 00:10:39.779 You're a cougar. You are a MILF. 121 00:10:39.790 --> 00:10:45.449 I'm not a MILF, I'm not even a mum. I am a spinster, I'm a SPILF. 122 00:10:45.460 --> 00:10:49.688 Three minutes 'till we're on air. - It's called Voyeurz with a 'z'. 123 00:10:49.699 --> 00:10:51.506 You tell them that Cathy sent you. 124 00:10:51.517 --> 00:10:55.116 If you go on a Thursday there's a Chinese buffet. All you can eat, as it were. 125 00:10:56.352 --> 00:11:00.979 But whose advice was, never the less, sometimes a tad too modern for me. 126 00:11:01.479 --> 00:11:04.259 It's me, checking talk-back. - Yep. 127 00:11:04.270 --> 00:11:06.875 You didn't freeze your eggs by any chance, did you? 128 00:11:06.875 --> 00:11:09.475 No, I imagine they're hard boiled by now. 129 00:11:09.486 --> 00:11:11.514 You know what, Bridge? This weekend... 130 00:11:11.525 --> 00:11:14.476 you and me need to go out, and get stuck into some serious... 131 00:11:14.600 --> 00:11:18.706 "Binge drinking, a dangerous scourge on society." 132 00:11:18.717 --> 00:11:20.710 Is new legislation needed? 133 00:11:21.684 --> 00:11:25.464 Bridget, Miranda, I've told you, don't talk between the bongs. 134 00:11:25.814 --> 00:11:28.005 Stick to the questions on the cue cards. 135 00:11:28.129 --> 00:11:29.173 Miranda. Cue. 136 00:11:29.184 --> 00:11:31.701 The Foreign Secretary will be live in the studio... 137 00:11:31.712 --> 00:11:34.802 to talk about the looming crisis in Muribundi. 138 00:11:35.310 --> 00:11:37.947 You can always try online dating again. 139 00:11:37.958 --> 00:11:41.978 The other night I was on Tinder. Half an hour later I'm having a 3-way with... 140 00:11:41.989 --> 00:11:45.969 Prince Andrew, the Royal Special Representative for Trade and Investment... 141 00:11:45.980 --> 00:11:49.607 He did that on purpose. ...has just written his first children's book. 142 00:11:49.712 --> 00:11:51.499 He had a massive cock. 143 00:11:53.060 --> 00:11:56.828 Live in the studio I'm joined by Foreign Secretary George Wilkins... 144 00:11:56.839 --> 00:11:59.388 who has just returned from war ravaged Muribundi... 145 00:11:59.399 --> 00:12:01.310 Miranda, I'm in your ear. Just follow my lead. 146 00:12:01.321 --> 00:12:04.366 ... Where the assassination of bloody dictator Charles NGochi... 147 00:12:04.377 --> 00:12:07.516 has resulted in civil war. - One shot, come back to four. Four. 148 00:12:07.527 --> 00:12:09.760 Minister, was this a military coup? 149 00:12:09.860 --> 00:12:12.660 - Well, the signs are that NGochi's own generals did take him out... 150 00:12:12.684 --> 00:12:14.589 Hi, Tom. I can't talk. 151 00:12:14.843 --> 00:12:17.949 How was Daniel's memorial? - It was just sad. 152 00:12:17.960 --> 00:12:19.774 I can't believe he's gone. 153 00:12:19.785 --> 00:12:22.426 It's sad. I can't believe he's gone, actually. 154 00:12:25.063 --> 00:12:28.020 Ah... I don't think there was any particular sadness in his passing. 155 00:12:28.031 --> 00:12:31.344 His persecution of the Ubuntu people amounted to genocide. 156 00:12:31.355 --> 00:12:34.741 And that is well documented. - I know he had his flaws. 157 00:12:34.752 --> 00:12:37.908 Well, I know he had his flaws. - He could be a massive asshole. 158 00:12:37.919 --> 00:12:39.757 He could be a massive asshole. 159 00:12:41.135 --> 00:12:45.596 But I miss him. We all do. - But I miss him. We all do. 160 00:12:46.263 --> 00:12:50.766 Well, he was certainly a very colorful character on the world stage Miranda... 161 00:12:50.777 --> 00:12:53.243 I grant you that, but I think the genocide... 162 00:12:53.254 --> 00:12:56.977 resulting in the deaths of over 10,000 of his own people, men, women and children... 163 00:12:56.988 --> 00:12:59.385 probably rather put him on the wrong side of history. 164 00:12:59.396 --> 00:13:01.212 At least he was never boring. 165 00:13:01.312 --> 00:13:03.212 Well, at least he was never boring. 166 00:13:04.398 --> 00:13:06.268 One, two, three clear. 167 00:13:06.392 --> 00:13:10.092 Do you think a spirit of democracy can carry over into West Africa... 168 00:13:10.103 --> 00:13:11.803 Now that's NGochi's dead? 169 00:13:11.814 --> 00:13:14.801 Do you think, minister, that the spirit of democracy can 170 00:13:14.801 --> 00:13:17.701 carry over into West Africa now that NGochi is dead? 171 00:13:17.812 --> 00:13:20.482 Well now, that is an interesting question. Finally. 172 00:13:20.493 --> 00:13:22.155 We're running out of time. - Miranda, wrap it up. 173 00:13:22.166 --> 00:13:24.264 Briefly, please, Minister. - Well it is a complicated issue. 174 00:13:24.275 --> 00:13:25.633 A 'yes' or a 'no'. 175 00:13:25.748 --> 00:13:28.505 Miranda, make it the last answer. - Let's hope so. 176 00:13:28.964 --> 00:13:31.643 I'll take that. Thank you for joining us on the sofa today. 177 00:13:31.654 --> 00:13:33.048 Over to you, Toby. 178 00:13:35.268 --> 00:13:37.476 Thank you, Miranda, Bridget. 179 00:13:37.923 --> 00:13:41.253 You couldn't just behave yourselves when the new management team were here? 180 00:13:41.264 --> 00:13:42.802 They're the new management team? 181 00:13:42.813 --> 00:13:45.732 That is Alice Peabody, new brand manager. 182 00:13:45.956 --> 00:13:49.475 Apparently 'Hard News' is too old fashioned, too serious... 183 00:13:49.486 --> 00:13:53.807 and she is the smiling assassin, brought in to sack anybody older than her. 184 00:13:53.859 --> 00:13:58.697 Everybody's older than her. I've got tins of soup in my cupboard older than her. 185 00:13:58.708 --> 00:14:04.044 Look at them all. With their apps and their ironic beards 186 00:14:04.055 --> 00:14:06.663 Maybe one of them could get Bridget some sex. 187 00:14:06.674 --> 00:14:08.580 What? - Bridget? Do you need sex? 188 00:14:08.591 --> 00:14:09.600 No. - Yes. 189 00:14:10.186 --> 00:14:14.329 That's why I'm taking her on an a girls weekend to beat all girls weekends. 190 00:14:16.510 --> 00:14:18.567 Bridget, isn't it? 191 00:14:18.757 --> 00:14:21.586 Yes, nice to... - Team meeting tomorrow morning. 192 00:14:21.597 --> 00:14:23.601 We can do introductions then. 193 00:14:31.106 --> 00:14:32.368 Nine a.m. 194 00:14:32.999 --> 00:14:35.313 We should all start an hour earlier from now on. 195 00:14:37.614 --> 00:14:40.726 Do you think she saw that? - Quite possibly not. 196 00:14:40.948 --> 00:14:43.996 And you're sure you don't want to come out with me and my crew? 197 00:14:44.774 --> 00:14:47.489 Thanks, but can't let the old gang down. 198 00:14:47.500 --> 00:14:50.799 They're stay at home moms now. They'd be disappointed. 199 00:15:04.448 --> 00:15:06.769 Thank God for the gays. 200 00:15:10.224 --> 00:15:13.609 Now, whatever fears you're bringing in the room with you today... 201 00:15:13.620 --> 00:15:17.895 I want you take those fears and I want you to tell them to fuck the fuck off. 202 00:15:17.906 --> 00:15:18.906 Yeah! 203 00:15:20.432 --> 00:15:24.224 Are you ready for this? - Yes. 204 00:15:24.352 --> 00:15:27.432 Then ride, you sexy bitches! Ride! 205 00:15:32.177 --> 00:15:35.615 Look, I'm so sorry, Bridget, but I'm actually going to have to blow you out too. 206 00:15:37.516 --> 00:15:42.152 I didn't want to have to tell you this today, but Eduardo and I are adopting. 207 00:15:42.493 --> 00:15:43.701 Adopting? 208 00:15:44.617 --> 00:15:47.722 What, a baby? - Yes, a baby. 209 00:15:48.436 --> 00:15:50.364 Or gayby, in our case. 210 00:15:51.027 --> 00:15:54.169 That's fantastic news, Tom. 211 00:15:54.180 --> 00:15:57.377 I'm going to Bogota tomorrow to start the paperwork so I've got to go and pack. 212 00:15:57.388 --> 00:15:59.512 Wonderful, go. 213 00:15:59.523 --> 00:16:01.420 Happy Birthday. Have fun. 214 00:16:01.512 --> 00:16:03.602 Congratulations. - Thank's darl. 215 00:16:05.225 --> 00:16:07.816 Fucking excellent. 216 00:16:08.295 --> 00:16:11.866 And that was how I wound up back here again. 217 00:16:12.110 --> 00:16:14.754 The last barren husk in London... 218 00:16:14.796 --> 00:16:20.786 and of the two loves of my life, one is married and the other is dead. 219 00:16:22.517 --> 00:16:25.391 Right, new birthday resolutions. 220 00:16:25.402 --> 00:16:28.218 I, Bridget Jones am done with affairs of the heart... 221 00:16:28.229 --> 00:16:32.268 and dedicating my autumn years to the pursuit of hedonism. 222 00:16:32.279 --> 00:16:35.471 Will hang only with new free spirited friends like Miranda... 223 00:16:35.482 --> 00:16:40.776 and when the going gets tough, the tough go on a luxury spa weekend. 224 00:16:42.289 --> 00:16:44.017 What the fuck. 225 00:16:45.487 --> 00:16:47.192 Love the shoes. 226 00:17:01.137 --> 00:17:04.150 I didn't tell you, because you wouldn't have come. 227 00:17:04.237 --> 00:17:06.397 Seriously, it's been five years. 228 00:17:06.408 --> 00:17:10.408 You've gotta shake yourself out of this self imposed purge you've been in... 229 00:17:10.419 --> 00:17:13.341 ever since you split up with your precious Mark Darcy. 230 00:17:13.352 --> 00:17:15.367 Rubbish. I barely think of him. 231 00:17:15.378 --> 00:17:17.900 What you need is a good shafting. 232 00:17:17.911 --> 00:17:21.646 You need some good old fashioned, lie back and think of England bonking... 233 00:17:21.657 --> 00:17:27.329 and festivals are sexual free for alls like Sodom and Gomorrah with tofu. 234 00:17:27.348 --> 00:17:29.559 First man you meet you've gotta sleep with. 235 00:17:29.570 --> 00:17:32.236 The first man? I'm not taking no for an answer. 236 00:17:32.292 --> 00:17:36.031 I'm gonna find our backstage passes. You get the maps. 237 00:17:41.676 --> 00:17:42.776 Maps. 238 00:17:42.787 --> 00:17:47.738 I may be old and inappropriately dressed, but at least I look fucking amazing. 239 00:17:55.068 --> 00:17:57.776 That's exactly why I didn't wear my heels. 240 00:17:58.577 --> 00:18:00.608 Ding fucking dong. 241 00:18:00.619 --> 00:18:01.619 May I? 242 00:18:17.994 --> 00:18:19.326 Thank you. 243 00:18:24.101 --> 00:18:25.944 It fits. 244 00:18:30.208 --> 00:18:31.792 Bridget. 245 00:18:32.555 --> 00:18:33.998 Bridget. 246 00:18:34.810 --> 00:18:37.776 Is that your wicked stepmother? - Yes. 247 00:18:37.976 --> 00:18:41.776 I better go before she has me sweeping fireplaces all day. 248 00:18:43.429 --> 00:18:45.196 Thank you. - You're welcome. 249 00:18:46.664 --> 00:18:48.695 Ah ha. Birthday resolution number two. 250 00:18:48.706 --> 00:18:52.487 Must remember the way to a man's heart is not through beauty, sex or love... 251 00:18:52.498 --> 00:18:53.498 It's Jack. 252 00:18:53.607 --> 00:18:57.692 but merely the ability to fall arse over tit in the mud. 253 00:18:57.755 --> 00:18:59.087 By the way. 254 00:19:00.387 --> 00:19:01.387 Right. 255 00:19:01.941 --> 00:19:05.692 Which one's ours? - Let's try up here. 256 00:19:05.951 --> 00:19:09.203 And anyway, it's not camping, it's glamping. 257 00:19:09.287 --> 00:19:12.509 Putting a G L in front of it doesn't make it any better. 258 00:19:12.520 --> 00:19:17.112 Calling him Gladolf Hitler wouldn't suddenly make you forget all the unpleasantness. 259 00:19:23.276 --> 00:19:26.372 Oh... fuck me! 260 00:19:31.457 --> 00:19:33.165 NGochi. 261 00:19:37.194 --> 00:19:39.711 NGochi. 262 00:19:41.276 --> 00:19:44.493 NGochi. 263 00:19:48.822 --> 00:19:52.702 It's 2:30 in the afternoon. I should be Hoovering. 264 00:20:08.536 --> 00:20:11.798 This is incredible. We've got to get a photo. 265 00:20:12.227 --> 00:20:13.409 Excuse me? 266 00:20:14.247 --> 00:20:17.009 Do you mind if we ask you to take a photo of us? 267 00:20:17.020 --> 00:20:18.852 Yeah, sure. - Thank you. 268 00:20:20.931 --> 00:20:23.108 Alright. Are you ready? Hey. What're you doing? 269 00:20:23.911 --> 00:20:25.191 I was taking your photo. 270 00:20:25.202 --> 00:20:28.057 I thought you guys wanted a photo. - Yeah, we do. Of us. 271 00:20:28.524 --> 00:20:32.132 Yes. Terribly sorry. We thought it'd be really fun to get a photo of us... 272 00:20:32.143 --> 00:20:33.906 backstage among all these glamorous people. 273 00:20:33.917 --> 00:20:35.981 I think that's the guy from 'Bargain Hunt'. 274 00:20:35.992 --> 00:20:39.275 It'd be great if you could get him in the shot. - Quick. Quick. 275 00:20:39.362 --> 00:20:43.263 So you don't want me in the photo at all? - No, and you can lose the attitude, babe. 276 00:20:43.274 --> 00:20:45.108 Is it really that difficult? 277 00:20:45.481 --> 00:20:48.856 They let any old riff-raff backstage nowadays. 278 00:20:48.867 --> 00:20:52.984 I don't know. I thought he was kind of cute. He looks familiar. 279 00:20:54.040 --> 00:20:56.786 I think he works at the Starbucks at Balham. 280 00:21:05.810 --> 00:21:08.024 One, two, three, singing. 281 00:21:14.816 --> 00:21:17.586 Oh my God. 282 00:21:17.872 --> 00:21:21.524 I know. It's the guy from Starbucks. 283 00:21:21.535 --> 00:21:23.035 Crowdsurfing. 284 00:21:41.873 --> 00:21:43.333 Miranda. 285 00:21:45.225 --> 00:21:46.597 Miranda? 286 00:21:48.442 --> 00:21:49.858 Miranda? 287 00:21:54.263 --> 00:21:55.568 Hey, Miranda. 288 00:21:56.605 --> 00:21:58.595 Oh, God. 289 00:22:00.745 --> 00:22:04.152 I have to admit, that was fun. 290 00:22:04.985 --> 00:22:06.609 And you're right ... 291 00:22:06.785 --> 00:22:11.067 What I need is a good shafting... 292 00:22:11.747 --> 00:22:16.782 some good old-fashioned, lie back and-think-of-England... 293 00:22:17.473 --> 00:22:18.900 bonking. 294 00:22:19.330 --> 00:22:20.692 Well, sign me up. 295 00:22:21.854 --> 00:22:23.524 Oh my God. 296 00:22:25.015 --> 00:22:27.358 What are you doing in my yurt? 297 00:22:28.666 --> 00:22:33.232 With all your clothes, and luggage and possessions. 298 00:22:33.360 --> 00:22:36.685 Yeah, it's as if I've come in, made it my own. 299 00:22:36.900 --> 00:22:40.066 Wait, it's you, the creature from the Black Lagoon. 300 00:22:40.264 --> 00:22:41.652 Yes. Sorry. 301 00:22:41.663 --> 00:22:45.900 You don't really expect me to believe that you accidentally crashed into my yurt, do you? 302 00:22:47.045 --> 00:22:50.442 Since you're here, maybe I can help you. 303 00:22:51.360 --> 00:22:54.108 Well, he is the first man I met... 304 00:22:54.119 --> 00:22:57.650 and his yurt is one heck of a lot nicer than mine. 305 00:22:58.692 --> 00:23:03.152 Bridget, where the fuck are you? 306 00:23:03.276 --> 00:23:07.632 Bridget, I'm so pissed. 307 00:23:52.692 --> 00:23:53.944 Bridget. 308 00:23:55.008 --> 00:23:59.776 I'm zorbing with Ed Sheeran. 309 00:24:23.944 --> 00:24:25.524 Oh, God. 310 00:24:25.559 --> 00:24:30.652 I just slept with a complete stranger. I'm nothing but a feckless prostitute. 311 00:24:31.776 --> 00:24:36.108 No, no. I'm an elegant older woman taking men for my own pleasure. 312 00:24:36.119 --> 00:24:38.838 Or am I just a deluded middle-aged fool? 313 00:24:46.528 --> 00:24:48.152 Oh, fuck it. 314 00:24:49.900 --> 00:24:51.152 Miranda? 315 00:24:52.932 --> 00:24:54.140 Good morning. 316 00:24:56.108 --> 00:24:58.444 So it lasted six hours? 317 00:24:58.568 --> 00:25:01.276 What lasted six hours, mum? 318 00:25:01.984 --> 00:25:05.232 A puppet show that Auntie Bridget went to. 319 00:25:05.944 --> 00:25:09.349 A six-hour puppet show? - Hello. 320 00:25:09.360 --> 00:25:12.108 Tell me, were they little puppets or...? 321 00:25:12.232 --> 00:25:14.108 Very nice size puppets. 322 00:25:14.776 --> 00:25:17.484 And did he... 323 00:25:18.608 --> 00:25:20.768 put his puppet in your mouth? 324 00:25:23.316 --> 00:25:26.457 God! I feel like my days of puppet shows are behind me. 325 00:25:30.568 --> 00:25:32.507 I've had finger puppets. 326 00:25:35.108 --> 00:25:38.816 And has he called? - It doesn't work like that any more. 327 00:25:38.944 --> 00:25:42.316 You just hook up with rugged troubadors at music festivals... 328 00:25:42.327 --> 00:25:44.185 and there are no strings. 329 00:25:44.732 --> 00:25:46.652 Puppets with no strings. 330 00:25:47.438 --> 00:25:49.511 Take the wings off. They're for little girls. 331 00:25:50.524 --> 00:25:52.154 Hello? - Where the fuck are you? 332 00:25:52.165 --> 00:25:56.134 Speeding through lovely countryside on our way to your christening. 333 00:25:56.145 --> 00:25:59.237 No we're not. Why is auntie Bridget lying? 334 00:25:59.984 --> 00:26:02.743 Bridge, I thought you should know after Tom dropped out... 335 00:26:02.754 --> 00:26:05.015 Giles asked Mark to be the godfather. - What? 336 00:26:05.026 --> 00:26:06.423 He did what? 337 00:26:06.463 --> 00:26:08.652 Yes I know. He really is a useless cock. 338 00:26:08.663 --> 00:26:10.316 Did it without asking me. 339 00:26:11.623 --> 00:26:15.459 Oh my God. Mark Darcy again. 340 00:26:15.615 --> 00:26:20.239 Twice in the space of a week I turn up at church as rent-a-spinster. 341 00:26:23.730 --> 00:26:26.533 Where the fuck were you? 342 00:26:32.163 --> 00:26:33.941 Sorry. 343 00:26:38.117 --> 00:26:40.507 Good morning and welcome. 344 00:26:40.518 --> 00:26:45.452 Well, this isn't embarrassing at all. Mark Darcy and I at the altar with a baby. 345 00:26:46.272 --> 00:26:47.980 That's lovely. 346 00:26:48.232 --> 00:26:50.999 Ok, now, nice big smiles. Look at me. Thank you. 347 00:26:51.010 --> 00:26:52.287 Lovely. 348 00:26:52.298 --> 00:26:54.890 Ok, can I just get the godparents now please. 349 00:26:56.540 --> 00:26:59.669 How are you? - Very well, thank you. How are you? 350 00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:01.405 Well, thank you. Mm. 351 00:27:01.604 --> 00:27:04.892 Are you here with your wife? I can't remember her name... 352 00:27:05.135 --> 00:27:08.960 Camilla. No, eh, no, she couldn't make it. 353 00:27:09.330 --> 00:27:12.695 Are you here with anyone? - No, no. Not today, no. 354 00:27:13.123 --> 00:27:15.068 Come on, it's not a funeral. 355 00:27:15.192 --> 00:27:17.121 Can I get a couple of smiles out of you two, please? 356 00:27:17.132 --> 00:27:19.645 Maybe give her a little kiss you know, on the forehead, there. 357 00:27:23.038 --> 00:27:24.900 Ah, I was talking about the baby. 358 00:27:29.730 --> 00:27:31.652 Lovely. 359 00:27:31.976 --> 00:27:34.384 Alright. I'll see you later, shouldn't wonder. 360 00:27:34.395 --> 00:27:37.993 Yes, unless I make a break for it with this thing. 361 00:27:38.520 --> 00:27:41.866 Could this day actually get any more awkward? 362 00:27:42.071 --> 00:27:45.206 Just keep walking, keep walking, keep walking. Keep walking. 363 00:27:56.524 --> 00:27:58.794 Hello. - Hello. 364 00:27:59.404 --> 00:28:02.087 How are you? - Very well, thanks. 365 00:28:02.098 --> 00:28:03.558 How are you? - I'm fine. 366 00:28:04.034 --> 00:28:05.406 So am I. 367 00:28:07.087 --> 00:28:09.464 Well, goodbye. - Goodbye. 368 00:28:10.676 --> 00:28:12.520 A glass of wine. - A whiskey, please. 369 00:28:12.531 --> 00:28:14.245 Big, big glass. - Double. 370 00:28:14.256 --> 00:28:15.483 Thank you. 371 00:28:49.310 --> 00:28:54.944 I'd ask you to join me, but I'm pretty sure you're not a big Gangnam Style kind of guy. 372 00:28:55.068 --> 00:28:57.394 I was only there very briefly. - Where? 373 00:28:57.405 --> 00:28:58.441 Gangnam. 374 00:29:00.698 --> 00:29:04.108 What are we talking about? - Gangnam, dancing. 375 00:29:05.278 --> 00:29:08.293 Not the suburb of Seoul? - No. 376 00:29:08.304 --> 00:29:13.192 I'm not familiar with Gangnam, the suburb. - It literally means south of the Han River. 377 00:29:14.787 --> 00:29:17.911 It was inhabited as early as the Paleolithic period. 378 00:29:19.143 --> 00:29:21.979 Suddenly seems so much less catchy. 379 00:29:24.473 --> 00:29:26.933 Now something for you lovers out there. 380 00:29:26.944 --> 00:29:31.648 We are entering the erection section. Don't say fucking erection at a christening. 381 00:29:37.624 --> 00:29:39.484 Would you like to get some air? 382 00:29:42.069 --> 00:29:43.985 I mean, some more air. 383 00:29:45.083 --> 00:29:46.502 Sure. 384 00:29:55.918 --> 00:29:59.770 I don't suppose you happen to have a cigarette? - No. 385 00:29:59.927 --> 00:30:03.551 I gave up 1891 days ago. 386 00:30:03.619 --> 00:30:05.356 Not that people're counting. 387 00:30:05.813 --> 00:30:08.602 Since when did you smoke? - I don't. 388 00:30:09.114 --> 00:30:10.698 It's been a tense time. 389 00:30:12.078 --> 00:30:13.746 Maybe I'm nervous. 390 00:30:15.445 --> 00:30:16.613 Why? 391 00:30:18.765 --> 00:30:20.557 You have a train in your hair. 392 00:30:21.891 --> 00:30:24.041 I'm aware of that. 393 00:30:24.898 --> 00:30:27.692 Courtesy of one of my many godchildren. 394 00:30:32.276 --> 00:30:35.024 Seems to be stuck. 395 00:30:36.706 --> 00:30:38.414 And this would be... 396 00:30:39.033 --> 00:30:41.661 Cake? - Profiterole. 397 00:30:41.769 --> 00:30:44.893 That's technically more of a dessert, I suppose. 398 00:30:51.241 --> 00:30:54.329 What're you doing? You're married. - No, I'm not. 399 00:30:55.941 --> 00:30:58.583 I mean, I'm getting a divorce. 400 00:30:58.878 --> 00:31:00.546 That's why she's not here. 401 00:31:04.405 --> 00:31:06.825 Why were you together at the memorial? 402 00:31:06.995 --> 00:31:09.174 She was just being supportive. 403 00:31:09.830 --> 00:31:12.934 She's gone back to The Hague, where she's now living, and I'm not. 404 00:31:14.045 --> 00:31:15.971 Oh, I'm so sorry, Mark. 405 00:31:15.982 --> 00:31:18.875 At this precise moment I'm not sorry at all. 406 00:32:34.481 --> 00:32:36.712 How the fuck am I supposed to get in here? 407 00:32:48.009 --> 00:32:49.524 Again? 408 00:32:50.276 --> 00:32:52.944 Mr. Darcy, wow. 409 00:32:55.944 --> 00:32:57.152 Bridget? 410 00:33:00.692 --> 00:33:02.232 God, I've missed you. 411 00:33:08.926 --> 00:33:10.816 Are we on schedule? 412 00:33:11.944 --> 00:33:14.192 I have a flight to Khartoum tomorrow. 413 00:33:51.608 --> 00:33:54.316 I'm so sorry, Mark. Had to leave. 414 00:33:54.444 --> 00:33:57.776 It probably sounds pathetic, but I got scared. 415 00:33:57.900 --> 00:34:01.024 The fact that we went 'round and 'round for the best part of ten years... 416 00:34:01.152 --> 00:34:04.360 without ever making it across the finish line leads me to think... 417 00:34:04.484 --> 00:34:07.776 we did the best thing by ending it when we did. 418 00:34:09.400 --> 00:34:13.316 Sometimes it feels scary still being on my own at 43. 419 00:34:13.444 --> 00:34:16.152 But you and I have been here once before. 420 00:34:18.316 --> 00:34:20.759 We always loved the fantasy of us... 421 00:34:20.770 --> 00:34:24.658 But the reality, as we both know, is quite different. 422 00:34:32.276 --> 00:34:35.732 We could both come up with a 100 reasons why we didn't make it... 423 00:34:35.860 --> 00:34:41.568 but in the end I always felt that you were never there and I was mostly alone. 424 00:34:53.068 --> 00:34:56.400 No, can't go back and keep making same mistakes. 425 00:34:56.524 --> 00:35:00.245 Must keep moving forward and make new ones. 426 00:35:00.524 --> 00:35:03.875 And will lodge myself into frenzied keep fit regimes. 427 00:35:03.886 --> 00:35:06.703 And allowing 4 weeks to reduce thighs circumference... 428 00:35:06.714 --> 00:35:10.770 to squeeze largy ass into teenage skinny jeans... 429 00:35:10.937 --> 00:35:14.161 Obviously not meant for women of a certain age. 430 00:35:15.276 --> 00:35:18.949 All this bloody cycling is pointless. I'm putting on weight. 431 00:35:18.960 --> 00:35:22.639 Let's rule out some of the other options, shall we? You're not pregnant, are you? 432 00:35:23.068 --> 00:35:24.652 Of course not. 433 00:35:24.776 --> 00:35:30.045 A lady is always prepared and I always carry these in my handbag. 434 00:35:30.403 --> 00:35:34.175 Oh, God! You didn't use those, the vegan condoms? 435 00:35:34.186 --> 00:35:36.541 Biodegradable and dolphin friendly. 436 00:35:36.552 --> 00:35:39.984 If I'm going to be slutty, it's nice to think I'm helping the environment. 437 00:35:40.108 --> 00:35:43.638 Christ, Bridget. I remember when you bought those. 438 00:35:43.649 --> 00:35:46.148 That was decades ago. 439 00:35:46.230 --> 00:35:48.902 Sell by dates don't mean anything. 440 00:35:49.986 --> 00:35:50.986 Do they? 441 00:35:52.192 --> 00:35:54.867 They were a gift. Don't ask. 442 00:35:56.484 --> 00:36:00.809 Tumbling rapids, frothing waterfalls... 443 00:36:00.819 --> 00:36:02.809 babbling brook. 444 00:36:05.969 --> 00:36:08.201 Oh, come the fuck on, Bridget. 445 00:36:20.608 --> 00:36:22.568 How long do you think it takes? 446 00:36:25.364 --> 00:36:28.045 I think that's a positive result. 447 00:36:28.532 --> 00:36:30.238 Pregnant 448 00:36:31.900 --> 00:36:34.305 I'll just make sure. - Don't shake it. 449 00:36:34.316 --> 00:36:37.152 You'll hurt the baby. - The baby is not in the stick. 450 00:36:39.143 --> 00:36:40.899 I think this is when you're meant to... 451 00:36:41.495 --> 00:36:43.079 jump for joy. 452 00:36:43.944 --> 00:36:47.158 Oh my God. - You're pregnant. 453 00:36:47.169 --> 00:36:49.692 I'm pregnant. - You're pregnant. 454 00:36:50.444 --> 00:36:54.322 I'm pregnant. - You're going to have a baby. 455 00:36:54.923 --> 00:36:57.118 I'm going to have a baby. 456 00:37:01.908 --> 00:37:04.449 I'm going to have a baby. - Yes. 457 00:37:08.789 --> 00:37:12.484 If you've got footage of her punching a horse, I want it. 458 00:37:12.641 --> 00:37:16.165 Bridget, do you want a baby? - I don't know. 459 00:37:17.295 --> 00:37:19.795 I mean, I'm 43. 460 00:37:19.987 --> 00:37:22.814 It might be the only chance I'm going to get. 461 00:37:22.942 --> 00:37:28.362 One broken, out of date condom I might have believed was an acciddent. 462 00:37:29.075 --> 00:37:30.199 But two? 463 00:37:32.058 --> 00:37:33.453 You wanted it. 464 00:37:34.662 --> 00:37:36.314 Maybe I did. 465 00:37:39.257 --> 00:37:41.022 Can we get a medic please? 466 00:37:45.123 --> 00:37:49.076 Oh my God. I'm pregnant. 467 00:37:49.734 --> 00:37:51.522 This is it. 468 00:37:51.930 --> 00:37:55.358 More to the point, whose is it? 469 00:37:55.969 --> 00:37:59.814 This is not how I thought this moment would be. 470 00:38:00.308 --> 00:38:05.006 I always imagined myself in 'OK!' magazine with the man of my dreams. 471 00:38:05.352 --> 00:38:08.140 Oh Christ! Too many dilemmas to ponder. 472 00:38:08.300 --> 00:38:09.672 Not least of all... 473 00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:12.796 Who was that man I shagged in a tent? 474 00:38:13.535 --> 00:38:17.787 And so you're age will be 43? 475 00:38:21.387 --> 00:38:22.687 So, umm... 476 00:38:23.559 --> 00:38:30.059 Which of the times with my wonderful man do you think we got pregnant on? 477 00:38:30.190 --> 00:38:31.606 Does it matter? 478 00:38:31.734 --> 00:38:35.319 Well, yes, it's such a special moment. 479 00:38:35.330 --> 00:38:38.419 We'd like to know which one it is so we can treasure it. 480 00:38:38.430 --> 00:38:42.755 Can't you treasure both of them? - Yes, we will, we do. 481 00:38:42.766 --> 00:38:47.066 But surely one of those days is more likely than the other? 482 00:38:47.424 --> 00:38:53.398 Well, actually, day 10, which was his birthday, is a little early. 483 00:38:53.409 --> 00:38:57.734 And day 16 which was the... - Anniversary dinner. 484 00:38:57.745 --> 00:39:01.150 Oh yes, the Osso Buco, I recall, is a little late. 485 00:39:01.161 --> 00:39:04.295 Are you sure there wasn't another treasurable occasion in between? 486 00:39:04.701 --> 00:39:08.339 Yes, I'm quite sure. He was away. 487 00:39:09.826 --> 00:39:12.158 So which of the two would you go for? 488 00:39:12.314 --> 00:39:15.734 Couldn't say. They're both equally likely. It could have been after the event. 489 00:39:15.745 --> 00:39:18.538 Because as you know, sperm can live for several days after ejaculation. 490 00:39:18.641 --> 00:39:21.069 Couldn't you just have a guess for me? - No. 491 00:39:21.228 --> 00:39:25.066 What about the first scan? Would that show when conception took place? 492 00:39:25.077 --> 00:39:27.606 No. Ring this number to fix a date. 493 00:39:27.734 --> 00:39:30.690 And do bring along the father, if you can work out which one he is. 494 00:39:32.543 --> 00:39:33.667 Right. 495 00:39:35.067 --> 00:39:36.067 Right. 496 00:39:37.106 --> 00:39:43.442 Just out of interest... If someone did have an element of confusion about the father... 497 00:39:43.453 --> 00:39:48.206 Well, you can get a DNA sample at the amniocentesis, and I do recommend that you have 498 00:39:48.217 --> 00:39:52.274 the amniocentesis, because there are always more risks with a geriatric mother. 499 00:39:54.536 --> 00:39:55.935 Geriatric? Hmm. 500 00:39:56.491 --> 00:39:59.066 That's outrageous. - Indeed. 501 00:40:00.583 --> 00:40:04.663 Unless you can sign on for your child support and pension at the same time. 502 00:40:06.398 --> 00:40:07.763 That's hilarious. 503 00:40:09.930 --> 00:40:12.763 It's called "news" 'cause it should feel new. 504 00:40:12.774 --> 00:40:15.799 Otherwise, it be called "olds". 505 00:40:15.951 --> 00:40:17.077 Sorry. 506 00:40:18.209 --> 00:40:20.487 Last night. Top stories. 507 00:40:20.498 --> 00:40:22.829 Earthquake in Asia, seen it before. 508 00:40:22.956 --> 00:40:25.858 Car crash on the M5... Blah blah blah 509 00:40:25.869 --> 00:40:29.710 We're making 'old's. We need to flip the switch, mix it up. 510 00:40:29.742 --> 00:40:32.831 I want a new triple on the shit out. - She's on the warpath. 511 00:40:32.842 --> 00:40:36.314 Susan, the floor manager's gone. - She's six months pregnant. 512 00:40:36.325 --> 00:40:40.298 We've got to grab the attention, get the eyes on the screen. 513 00:40:40.360 --> 00:40:45.169 I want to see headlines like: "Is Your Sofa Bed Giving You Cancer?" 514 00:40:45.351 --> 00:40:49.823 "Is Your Freezer Giving You Alzheimers?" - Oh my God. Are they? 515 00:40:49.862 --> 00:40:53.907 Literally no evidence whatsoever, but you're missing the point. You're intrigued, aren't you? 516 00:40:54.502 --> 00:40:58.836 I want to reload 'Hard News' with a clear new objective. 517 00:40:58.852 --> 00:41:02.004 We have a presentation in twelve weeks at the London Media Show... 518 00:41:02.020 --> 00:41:06.717 and I'm looking for someone dynamic, innovative, focused... 519 00:41:06.733 --> 00:41:08.873 to lead the charge. Any volunteers? 520 00:41:08.984 --> 00:41:11.834 Whatever happens now, must hold on to job. 521 00:41:11.858 --> 00:41:15.358 Must prove to fascist boss that I may be single mother... 522 00:41:15.381 --> 00:41:18.112 but am willing to roll with the ironic bearded hipsters. 523 00:41:18.136 --> 00:41:19.358 Anybody at all? 524 00:41:20.882 --> 00:41:25.479 Do you need to leave, Bridget? - No, I want to volunteer. 525 00:41:25.788 --> 00:41:28.035 Hashtag: "Let's do this!" 526 00:41:37.251 --> 00:41:43.215 It's me. Turn on your TV now. Look at your TV. Now. Now. Now. Turn on Channel 4. 527 00:41:46.314 --> 00:41:50.681 Bridget, I've found him. He's the dating website guru. 528 00:41:50.697 --> 00:41:54.651 See, you have to trust the science. Algorithms don't lie. 529 00:41:54.678 --> 00:41:58.105 You slept with a fucking billionaire. 530 00:42:00.525 --> 00:42:03.007 So, tell us, Bridget. 531 00:42:03.308 --> 00:42:06.861 What was it that initially attracted you to the billionaire Jack Qwant? 532 00:42:06.877 --> 00:42:10.603 Was it his face, or his body? Big dick? - I'd do it with him, obviously. 533 00:42:10.642 --> 00:42:12.809 If I were you I wouldn't tell either of them. 534 00:42:12.824 --> 00:42:18.402 All you need is a DNA sample from one of them and then you can eliminate the other one from your enquiries. 535 00:42:18.425 --> 00:42:22.834 What would I say to Mark? "Hello Mark, I know I just left you asleep... 536 00:42:22.858 --> 00:42:27.127 but do you have any blood, sperm or old fingernails lying around? " 537 00:42:27.187 --> 00:42:29.152 How do you even get in touch with Jack? 538 00:42:30.321 --> 00:42:31.321 Yeah. 539 00:42:32.315 --> 00:42:36.271 He is a bloody mogul. Can't just ring him up. 540 00:42:38.561 --> 00:42:42.652 I may have just figured out how to win favour with new boss... 541 00:42:42.668 --> 00:42:45.906 and eliminate one father from my enquiries. 542 00:42:45.937 --> 00:42:50.485 I have to say, Bridget, I'm actually excited by this next guest. 543 00:42:50.546 --> 00:42:55.625 Relevant, relatable, extremely fuckable. Good work. 544 00:42:55.664 --> 00:42:59.177 Welcome to CSI Hard News. 545 00:43:08.488 --> 00:43:11.254 Thank you my love. If you could just fuck off that'd be great. 546 00:43:17.413 --> 00:43:19.657 Jack, this is Cathy. She'll get you ready. 547 00:43:19.776 --> 00:43:24.090 Hi, Cathy, nice to meet you. -I was thinking, just a simple magenta eyeshadow... 548 00:43:24.093 --> 00:43:27.291 to make your eyes pop and a little bit of rouge, maybe? 549 00:43:27.607 --> 00:43:30.941 Kidding. - You funny. 550 00:43:30.950 --> 00:43:33.993 You do happen to have a little stray gray hair. 551 00:43:34.033 --> 00:43:37.255 Oh, Jesus. - That's it. 552 00:43:37.271 --> 00:43:40.211 Actually, there's a whole gray patch. Shall I just... let me see? 553 00:43:40.227 --> 00:43:44.424 Yes, my hair is full of gray hair. - Well, that's sorted. 554 00:43:44.472 --> 00:43:48.539 Jesus Christ. - All gone, that's lovely. 555 00:43:49.354 --> 00:43:54.211 These fingernails on this silver fox could do with a bit of a trim, couldn't they? 556 00:43:54.358 --> 00:43:57.934 These hands haven't experienced much manual labour, have they? 557 00:43:58.169 --> 00:44:01.374 No, I'm a mathematician. - They're silky soft. 558 00:44:01.414 --> 00:44:06.259 Tell me, Jack. Do you happen to like Chinese food? 559 00:44:07.508 --> 00:44:12.298 Jack, let me take you to the set. Great, thank you. I do sometimes. Thank you. 560 00:44:12.330 --> 00:44:15.954 I don't think she put any makeup on me. - It's fine. You're looking radiant. 561 00:44:19.482 --> 00:44:22.633 Ok, coming out of ET in five, four... And remember the gear change. 562 00:44:22.650 --> 00:44:26.938 And Miranda, cue. - Now, though, I'm joined by Jack Qwant. 563 00:44:26.954 --> 00:44:32.107 Raised by a single mother in Baltimore, he created the matchmaking website Qwantify... 564 00:44:32.138 --> 00:44:35.511 and he claims to have found an algorithm for love. 565 00:44:35.535 --> 00:44:40.415 And he's here today to tell us all about his number one bestseller Qwantum Leap '. 566 00:44:40.439 --> 00:44:45.875 It is absolutely wonderful to have you on our sofa today. - Thank you. It's great to be here. 567 00:44:46.997 --> 00:44:51.888 Now, we'll talk all about your new book soon, obviously. - Yes. But first let's talk about romance. 568 00:44:51.912 --> 00:44:54.315 Qwantify has found true love for millions. 569 00:44:54.339 --> 00:44:56.578 Monitor two. - Does it work for you? 570 00:44:56.594 --> 00:44:59.439 Now if I answer that can we go back and talk about the book? 571 00:44:59.449 --> 00:45:00.454 Maybe. 572 00:45:00.469 --> 00:45:03.188 Can you please try not to shag him on air? 573 00:45:03.211 --> 00:45:05.526 This is dynamite. Tell her to flirt with him more. 574 00:45:05.547 --> 00:45:09.984 Some people had their first crush on Farrah Fawcett. 575 00:45:10.000 --> 00:45:12.582 My first crush was an algorithm. - And we've lost him. 576 00:45:12.605 --> 00:45:17.454 If he carries on talking about algorithms I'm putting to the VT of cats who look like Hitler. 577 00:45:17.478 --> 00:45:18.560 Back to four. Love it. 578 00:45:18.576 --> 00:45:21.388 He's avoiding the question. Get him off maths. 579 00:45:21.408 --> 00:45:23.565 Ask him if he's with someone now. 580 00:45:23.677 --> 00:45:27.624 For someone so good at match-making... 581 00:45:27.759 --> 00:45:30.421 is there a special someone in your life? 582 00:45:30.429 --> 00:45:34.921 Apart from Lady Mary on 'Downton Abbey'? Now can we go ahead and talk about the book? 583 00:45:34.952 --> 00:45:36.990 Cue the Hitler cats. - Don't be evasive. 584 00:45:37.190 --> 00:45:38.390 Well, don't be evasive. 585 00:45:38.521 --> 00:45:43.087 It's apparant you have everything. Why have you chosen to have no family? 586 00:45:43.099 --> 00:45:45.818 Why the decision to have no family? - No children. 587 00:45:46.479 --> 00:45:47.898 And no children? 588 00:45:48.546 --> 00:45:50.387 Brilliant. Zoom in on four. 589 00:45:50.406 --> 00:45:51.839 And in on four. - Love it. 590 00:45:52.117 --> 00:45:53.942 Look, I love kids... 591 00:45:53.966 --> 00:45:58.974 but I've always found the idea of being a father myself kind of petrifying. 592 00:45:59.122 --> 00:46:02.942 Which is why I've been drawn to algorithms. - Cue the Hitler cats. 593 00:46:03.305 --> 00:46:08.740 They're rational, reliable, predictable, everything a kid isn't. 594 00:46:09.030 --> 00:46:11.814 So, can you have children? - Can you have children, though? 595 00:46:11.942 --> 00:46:16.991 Are the soldiers working? - Are the soldiers working? 596 00:46:19.871 --> 00:46:25.598 Well I believe so. The barracks are in pretty regular use. 597 00:46:25.762 --> 00:46:27.668 Really? - Really? - Yes. 598 00:46:27.691 --> 00:46:30.750 Because for someone with a supposed algorithm for love... 599 00:46:30.765 --> 00:46:33.083 Isn't it odd that you've never found it? 600 00:46:33.257 --> 00:46:36.955 Well, I think in order to find something you have to be actively looking for it. 601 00:46:36.963 --> 00:46:39.274 I've just been too busy; I haven't... 602 00:46:39.298 --> 00:46:43.595 What about the Qwant family bloodline? - And what about the Qwant family bloodline? 603 00:46:43.619 --> 00:46:48.379 Are there any skeletons in the closet? - Sexual deviants? - Sexual deviants? 604 00:46:48.399 --> 00:46:52.254 Sorry, I don't know where we're going with all of this... 605 00:46:52.269 --> 00:46:55.618 but I have to tell you, I can attract the wrong type of women. 606 00:46:56.495 --> 00:46:59.955 That's really great. Thank you for sharing that with us. 607 00:47:02.312 --> 00:47:05.258 Bridget, what are you doing? 608 00:47:05.282 --> 00:47:08.021 You wouldn't believe some of the weirdos that cross my path. 609 00:47:08.029 --> 00:47:09.848 Really? - Get up. 610 00:47:09.864 --> 00:47:12.141 Can you tell me what she's doing? 611 00:47:12.164 --> 00:47:16.288 Ask him something about algorithms. - Have to be the last question. Have to be. 612 00:47:16.319 --> 00:47:20.920 Lastly, algorithms. - Yes. 613 00:47:20.935 --> 00:47:24.063 What first attracted you to them? - The logic and... 614 00:47:24.075 --> 00:47:27.056 Wonderful, Jack Qwant, thank you for coming on my sofa. 615 00:47:27.079 --> 00:47:29.945 I hope you've had as much fun as I have. - Jesus. 616 00:47:29.948 --> 00:47:32.202 That's it from me. Goodbye. 617 00:47:34.226 --> 00:47:38.555 That was great. - You look really familier, outside of being on the show. 618 00:47:38.571 --> 00:47:40.508 Are you on Tinder? - What? 619 00:47:40.532 --> 00:47:42.502 Then we won't have met. - No, okay. 620 00:47:47.955 --> 00:47:51.059 Well hey, how about seeing you here. - Hi. 621 00:47:51.098 --> 00:47:53.619 Great to see you. - Good to see you too. 622 00:47:53.635 --> 00:47:59.340 I was going to come and find you to say hello, but you know how live TV can be, so chaotic. 623 00:47:59.363 --> 00:48:03.689 Well, you know, there are easier ways to get in touch with me without inviting me on national TV... 624 00:48:03.713 --> 00:48:08.072 and asking me about my sperm. - What? No, that's not what... 625 00:48:08.222 --> 00:48:10.573 I would've liked to have heard from you. 626 00:48:11.142 --> 00:48:15.201 I was disappointed when I came back that morning, and you were gone. 627 00:48:15.311 --> 00:48:18.247 You were? - We had an amazing night. 628 00:48:19.492 --> 00:48:22.958 And I thought you were great. At least I did until I became a clip... 629 00:48:22.967 --> 00:48:26.436 of the 15 most embarrassing chat show moments of all time. 630 00:48:27.220 --> 00:48:30.217 Really sorry about that. Yes that... 631 00:48:31.904 --> 00:48:35.296 I don't know how to explain. 632 00:48:41.500 --> 00:48:45.956 I'm pregnant. - Wow. Okay. 633 00:48:46.558 --> 00:48:50.785 It's so much better than you being mentally unbalanced. 634 00:48:51.419 --> 00:48:55.385 I'm about twelve weeks. 635 00:48:58.376 --> 00:49:00.941 Oh. Right. Wow. 636 00:49:02.915 --> 00:49:06.282 So you mean that... it's the music festival? - Yes. 637 00:49:07.135 --> 00:49:12.765 I know, it's quite a surprise. Yes but... 638 00:49:13.344 --> 00:49:17.215 I'm fine, and umm... you should know that... 639 00:49:17.239 --> 00:49:21.422 I don't... I'm not looking for anything from you. 640 00:49:21.449 --> 00:49:25.483 Except for a complete DNA check and a review of my medical records. 641 00:49:25.721 --> 00:49:31.420 Well, the thing is, I didn't mean for you to find out about this. 642 00:49:31.434 --> 00:49:35.821 And, umm, I'm feeling a bit foolish. 643 00:49:35.852 --> 00:49:39.508 Mortified, actually. Yes, mortified. 644 00:49:39.533 --> 00:49:45.315 I'd like to just retreat, gracefully? 645 00:49:45.370 --> 00:49:48.122 Mr. Qwant, will you sign my book? 646 00:49:48.733 --> 00:49:53.743 Oh God. I didn't even tell him that he may not be the only daddy. 647 00:49:53.758 --> 00:49:55.384 Christina. - I find this amazing book. 648 00:49:55.416 --> 00:49:58.119 Hey, Kitty Kirk, I need to talk to you. 649 00:49:59.500 --> 00:50:04.250 What if this DNA turns out to be Jack's? I don't want the father to be Jack. 650 00:50:04.439 --> 00:50:08.171 I don't even know Jack. And what if it's Mark Darcy's? 651 00:50:08.195 --> 00:50:12.310 Christ. I'll have to confess to him that I've been a whore with dolphin condoms. 652 00:50:12.347 --> 00:50:13.347 Good. 653 00:50:13.620 --> 00:50:15.852 So the baby's ok? - Perfect. 654 00:50:17.176 --> 00:50:21.781 See? - Oh my God. Is that it? 655 00:50:27.333 --> 00:50:31.621 And it's alright? - Sound as a bell. Cooking Nicely. 656 00:50:32.296 --> 00:50:33.391 Have a listen. 657 00:50:39.937 --> 00:50:41.074 There you are. 658 00:50:41.618 --> 00:50:45.030 I've recorded that for you. You can watch that for a moment. 659 00:50:46.882 --> 00:50:49.839 So glad you decided on the amniocentesis. 660 00:50:52.387 --> 00:50:53.887 Hello you. 661 00:50:55.538 --> 00:51:01.239 Is that your ear or your foot? You have got very big feet. 662 00:51:02.760 --> 00:51:07.222 Oh, look at you. Waving already. 663 00:51:12.976 --> 00:51:15.146 You're the best thing I've ever seen. 664 00:51:19.358 --> 00:51:22.769 I promise I'll try my best. 665 00:51:23.648 --> 00:51:28.170 So just stay safe and snug in there... 666 00:51:28.862 --> 00:51:33.029 while I try and sort the mess out here. And hopefully... 667 00:51:34.925 --> 00:51:39.244 What the fuck is that? - It's the amniocentesis needle. 668 00:51:39.271 --> 00:51:43.085 We just pop it in, take a little amniotic fluid, test it for any abnormalities... 669 00:51:43.109 --> 00:51:45.216 and also the DNA sample that you require. 670 00:51:45.232 --> 00:51:49.386 Now, there is the slightest risk of miscarriage so you'll have to stay very still indeed... 671 00:51:49.410 --> 00:51:51.967 because we don't want the needle to come into contact... - What? 672 00:51:52.125 --> 00:51:55.366 No, no. I'm not taking that chance. 673 00:51:55.398 --> 00:51:58.893 It's enormous. It'd go straight through the other side. 674 00:51:58.909 --> 00:52:01.731 Come on, I'm taking you home. 675 00:52:06.215 --> 00:52:10.320 Your mother will be over the moon. - Will you promise not to tell her? 676 00:52:10.625 --> 00:52:14.200 Just not yet. - No, of course. I promise. 677 00:52:14.692 --> 00:52:19.019 I'm really sorry, dad, not to know about the father. 678 00:52:19.039 --> 00:52:21.387 Don't be daft. 679 00:52:21.407 --> 00:52:26.038 I know dozens of people who could have been anybodys. - So you're not disappointed? 680 00:52:26.483 --> 00:52:31.384 You don't think I belong on Jerry Springer? - Not a bit, I'm thrilled. 681 00:52:32.543 --> 00:52:37.641 Actually I'm not sure if you're mine or that nice lieutenant colonel who's 'round the bowls club. 682 00:52:39.583 --> 00:52:40.793 Only joking. 683 00:52:41.182 --> 00:52:44.701 You've got my feet. I've always had very dainty feet. 684 00:52:47.414 --> 00:52:52.362 Just tell the truth, Bridget. You can't go too far wrong, telling the truth. 685 00:53:03.681 --> 00:53:09.638 Mark, I have some exciting news. Mark, I have the funniest story to tell you. 686 00:53:09.775 --> 00:53:12.392 Mark, I'm up the duff. 687 00:53:12.416 --> 00:53:14.261 My lords, my ladies. 688 00:53:14.603 --> 00:53:17.940 There is only one fraud committed here today and it is this. 689 00:53:17.999 --> 00:53:22.721 To use the laws of one country to destroy the freedom of speech of another. 690 00:53:23.070 --> 00:53:27.304 A cynical political expedient to take away the right of these brave young women... 691 00:53:27.320 --> 00:53:30.473 to speak the truth about the country they love. 692 00:53:31.281 --> 00:53:37.198 Now you may not like their music and for that I cannot blame you. 693 00:53:37.245 --> 00:53:43.228 They may not have mastered the fundamentals of melody... or even the most basic tenents of musicianship. 694 00:53:43.244 --> 00:53:47.848 but this is the land of Shakespeare, Orwell, Lawrence ... 695 00:53:47.886 --> 00:53:51.693 I'd forgotten just how hot he is in that wig and gown. 696 00:53:51.702 --> 00:53:56.688 ... to any country, any ruler, any despot, that here in the United Kingdom... 697 00:53:56.696 --> 00:54:01.760 we will always defend and protect women such as these who have selflessly and courageously... 698 00:54:01.776 --> 00:54:04.708 risked their liberty and quite possibly their lives... 699 00:54:06.706 --> 00:54:07.920 to tell the truth. 700 00:54:08.388 --> 00:54:11.691 The court will now adjourn and judgement will be given... 701 00:54:11.699 --> 00:54:15.840 Poonani! Poonani! Power to the Poonani! Power to the Poonani! - Christ. 702 00:54:16.162 --> 00:54:19.240 Looking forward to going back to some good old fashioned genocide. 703 00:54:19.320 --> 00:54:20.450 Order. 704 00:54:27.920 --> 00:54:30.327 Right. How to do this? 705 00:54:30.351 --> 00:54:33.271 I didn't expect to see you again after the events at the christening. 706 00:54:33.287 --> 00:54:34.790 Crap. He's dived right in. 707 00:54:34.814 --> 00:54:39.506 No, right. I understand. Maybe flattery will work. 708 00:54:39.514 --> 00:54:42.126 You were very impressive in there today. - Thank you. 709 00:54:43.173 --> 00:54:46.646 Although dealing with them over the last month has given me a certain amount of sympathy... 710 00:54:46.670 --> 00:54:49.775 for the totalitarian dictator who wants to silence them. 711 00:54:50.648 --> 00:54:54.197 Okay, jokes. I'll laugh harder next time. 712 00:54:54.261 --> 00:54:57.067 There's only a certain number of times that one can listen to the... 713 00:54:57.202 --> 00:55:01.327 resolutely un-catchy "Menstruation, Castration, Liberation." 714 00:55:02.747 --> 00:55:07.108 Mark, that's hilariously funny. 715 00:55:13.264 --> 00:55:14.264 Please. 716 00:55:23.645 --> 00:55:27.809 So. - So, Mark. 717 00:55:27.836 --> 00:55:28.840 Yes. 718 00:55:31.033 --> 00:55:35.585 The gardens look lovely. Autumnal. - Yes. 719 00:55:35.696 --> 00:55:38.625 Is that a conker tree? - Bridget. 720 00:55:44.509 --> 00:55:48.217 I am pregnant. 721 00:55:51.180 --> 00:55:54.863 Right. Well, congratulations. 722 00:55:56.375 --> 00:55:57.446 How can I help? 723 00:55:59.090 --> 00:56:01.011 I'm three months pregnant. 724 00:56:03.211 --> 00:56:04.211 Oh. 725 00:56:06.361 --> 00:56:07.668 You mean the christening? 726 00:56:09.711 --> 00:56:10.711 Yes. 727 00:56:14.539 --> 00:56:16.173 Would you excuse me for just a moment. 728 00:56:39.272 --> 00:56:41.783 I think that this is quite possibly the most wonderful 729 00:56:41.883 --> 00:56:44.383 piece of information I have ever received in my entire life. 730 00:56:45.883 --> 00:56:46.883 Oh! 731 00:56:48.083 --> 00:56:49.083 Ok. 732 00:56:50.032 --> 00:56:54.695 Of course I've got no expectations about how things should work out. I just thought you should know. 733 00:56:55.088 --> 00:56:56.216 No, of course. 734 00:56:58.705 --> 00:57:03.223 I mean, how do you feel? Are you happy? - Yes, I am. 735 00:57:03.255 --> 00:57:07.691 So much has happened in the past ten years. A lot has changed. 736 00:57:07.699 --> 00:57:11.111 I mean, you've been married, and I've been... 737 00:57:11.237 --> 00:57:15.250 on a number of long haul holidays. 738 00:57:15.266 --> 00:57:17.680 But... So here goes on Jack. 739 00:57:17.704 --> 00:57:19.668 I mean... - I know about it. 740 00:57:20.885 --> 00:57:24.213 It's just right now I can't bring myself to feel gloomy about it. 741 00:57:37.400 --> 00:57:41.371 God, how can I tell him now. 742 00:57:45.460 --> 00:57:49.922 State of emergency. Cannot sleep. Looping thoughts going round and round in head. 743 00:57:49.938 --> 00:57:53.435 It's surely weird that tou can do something as complicated and important... 744 00:57:53.450 --> 00:57:56.791 as growing a baby or invading Iraq without any instruction at all. 745 00:57:56.946 --> 00:57:59.403 I keep thinking all the alcohol I've drunk over the years... 746 00:57:59.424 --> 00:58:01.489 will give the baby fetal alcohol syndrome. 747 00:58:01.505 --> 00:58:03.184 These are the things I could do. 748 00:58:03.467 --> 00:58:04.853 Tell Mark about Jack... 749 00:58:04.873 --> 00:58:07.647 but risk hurting him so badly I couldn't live with myself. 750 00:58:07.740 --> 00:58:11.445 Not tell Mark about Jack, but I'd never be able to go through with it. 751 00:58:11.453 --> 00:58:16.293 Tell both of them the other one is the father and then if the one who isn't the father is upset about it... 752 00:58:18.532 --> 00:58:22.001 Oh Christ. Tell no-one and make a run for it. 753 00:58:23.155 --> 00:58:26.359 Hello? - Hey, it's the father of your child. 754 00:58:27.285 --> 00:58:29.718 Jack? - Yeah, who else? 755 00:58:30.809 --> 00:58:31.896 Come up. Ok. 756 00:58:37.390 --> 00:58:42.624 Oh fuckfuckfuck. He's probably employed a team of Google Earth detectives to find me. 757 00:58:43.148 --> 00:58:45.818 Okay, just act naturally. 758 00:58:50.918 --> 00:58:51.918 Hi. 759 00:58:52.118 --> 00:58:53.118 Hi. 760 00:58:53.588 --> 00:58:55.739 Come in. - Okay. 761 00:59:00.028 --> 00:59:03.324 You found it. - Try it on, see if it fits. 762 00:59:06.295 --> 00:59:07.300 Wow. 763 00:59:09.779 --> 00:59:13.733 I didn't expect to see you. - I wasn't expecting to come. 764 00:59:14.059 --> 00:59:17.758 I'm not used to being rejected. Twice. 765 00:59:19.930 --> 00:59:22.757 I hope you've got cake in that bag. 766 00:59:29.286 --> 00:59:31.183 Yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking. 767 00:59:33.071 --> 00:59:39.027 Bridget, the whole baby situation threw me initially. We've squashed an entire relationship into one night... 768 00:59:39.049 --> 00:59:42.212 and skipped straight to starting a family phase. 769 00:59:42.573 --> 00:59:45.515 We never even had a real second date. 770 00:59:47.445 --> 00:59:52.324 Just so you know if we did, I would have taken you to Ottolenghi. 771 00:59:52.451 --> 00:59:56.597 You would have had the grilled salmon and pine nuts salsa. 772 00:59:56.732 --> 01:00:02.282 Unbelievable and healthy. And we would have come back here... 773 01:00:02.877 --> 01:00:05.004 have incredible sex... 774 01:00:05.028 --> 01:00:09.729 spent the next couple of days sending each other filthy texts. 775 01:00:21.151 --> 01:00:24.313 I would not have let you do that on a second date. 776 01:00:24.329 --> 01:00:26.850 Why not. You let me on the first. 777 01:00:26.866 --> 01:00:31.029 And then we'd go on a naughty weekend to the seaside... 778 01:00:31.045 --> 01:00:35.444 and I would prove my manliness by winning you a cuddly toy... 779 01:00:36.417 --> 01:00:37.433 at the pier. 780 01:00:37.655 --> 01:00:40.942 I really wanted the giant Scooby-Doo. - Oh, no-body wins that. 781 01:00:40.967 --> 01:00:42.514 The coconuts are glued on. 782 01:00:51.943 --> 01:00:54.670 What are those for? - To apologise. 783 01:00:55.133 --> 01:00:56.640 We had our first fight. 784 01:00:57.412 --> 01:01:02.275 I was not flirting with that waitress. She means nothing to me. 785 01:01:07.435 --> 01:01:11.250 And then I would have... 786 01:01:11.528 --> 01:01:15.551 bought Swedish furniture for us to make. 787 01:01:16.359 --> 01:01:21.450 If we can get through this, we can get through anything. - Anything. 788 01:01:22.754 --> 01:01:26.361 I find it adorable how your neck gets all blotchy when you get nervous. 789 01:01:26.567 --> 01:01:29.847 And I know you'd be the greatest possible mother to my child. 790 01:02:03.113 --> 01:02:07.182 Oh no, can not fall in love with shiny new American. 791 01:02:07.230 --> 01:02:10.098 I'll tell them both tomorrow, definitely. 792 01:02:12.047 --> 01:02:17.068 Hi. I just wanted to connect, check how the presentation is shaping up. 793 01:02:17.100 --> 01:02:20.678 Yeah, totally on top of it, Neutra Bulleting the shit out of it. 794 01:02:20.693 --> 01:02:24.178 I'm relying on you, Bridget. I need you to get this right. Understand? 795 01:02:24.209 --> 01:02:28.313 100 percent. You can count on me. - Great. 796 01:02:33.538 --> 01:02:37.365 You alright? - I'm fine. 797 01:02:37.540 --> 01:02:41.936 Big party. I'm so glad to see you back together. 798 01:02:41.951 --> 01:02:44.574 It certainly is Gianni. - Wonderful news, huh? 799 01:02:44.590 --> 01:02:45.599 Cheers. 800 01:02:46.360 --> 01:02:51.255 I was thinking about Jack. If it's a boy, after my grandfather. 801 01:02:51.271 --> 01:02:54.759 It's a good strong name. You can rely on Jack. 802 01:02:54.862 --> 01:02:57.085 Yes, one for the list. 803 01:02:57.100 --> 01:02:58.989 To Jack. - To Jack. 804 01:03:01.434 --> 01:03:03.046 So this is dad, I presume. 805 01:03:03.070 --> 01:03:06.757 So glad you're here. It's a unique and wonderful moment. 806 01:03:06.773 --> 01:03:11.356 Dr. Rawlings, I wonder if you could maybe do me a little favor. 807 01:03:13.375 --> 01:03:17.189 So this is dad, I presume. Pleased to meet you. 808 01:03:17.332 --> 01:03:23.520 I'm so glad you could be here. This is a unique and wonderful moment. 809 01:03:23.536 --> 01:03:27.567 Before we start, would you like to know the sex? - We should be prepared. 810 01:03:27.583 --> 01:03:29.499 I'm not sure... - It's a boy. 811 01:03:29.830 --> 01:03:33.093 A boy. - Our boy. 812 01:03:35.098 --> 01:03:36.670 My boy. 813 01:03:38.943 --> 01:03:43.754 Okay, right. This time I have to tell them. We'll start with Jack. 814 01:03:43.770 --> 01:03:48.600 Have invited him for big scary work presentation and will explain all afterwards. 815 01:03:51.199 --> 01:03:52.201 Welcome. 816 01:03:52.662 --> 01:03:58.423 In a digital age where every cell phone is a camera, we are all broadcasters. 817 01:03:58.431 --> 01:04:01.430 "Hard News" is partnering with the London Media Show... 818 01:04:01.453 --> 01:04:07.777 so you can use your smartphone to create your own news broadcasting channel. 819 01:04:07.793 --> 01:04:13.292 Simply download the new 'Hard News' app and broadcast directly to our studios in... 820 01:04:13.308 --> 01:04:18.261 where Miranda is waiting for our first ever live simulcast. 821 01:04:18.269 --> 01:04:22.798 Hello everyone, live at the London MediaShow. 822 01:04:22.814 --> 01:04:27.927 And welcome to the new look of 'Hard News' studio. 823 01:04:28.030 --> 01:04:33.253 We are live and yes, our viewers are broadcasting. 824 01:04:33.554 --> 01:04:36.817 Right. Let's now go to the Grampians... 825 01:04:36.833 --> 01:04:42.777 where Adam Wollaston is leading a team of Venture Rangers to the top of Ben Nevis. 826 01:04:43.420 --> 01:04:48.528 Hello, Adam Wollaston. - 'Hard News' sucks balls. 827 01:04:51.254 --> 01:04:53.437 Jesus. - Oh dear. 828 01:04:53.453 --> 01:04:56.858 Well, let's put that news story firmly behind us. 829 01:05:05.191 --> 01:05:06.738 Technical glitch. 830 01:05:10.127 --> 01:05:14.989 Of course it's never been easier to email or text the show. 831 01:05:15.020 --> 01:05:20.761 Just search "Hard News" or simply H. 832 01:05:20.834 --> 01:05:22.105 Because... 833 01:05:23.405 --> 01:05:25.305 Be...cause... 834 01:05:25.555 --> 01:05:28.173 Holy fuck. What's he doing here? 835 01:05:28.189 --> 01:05:32.751 Because at 'Hard News', we believe... 836 01:05:34.140 --> 01:05:38.585 We believe that we are ready and on the front line... 837 01:05:38.601 --> 01:05:42.816 asking the questions the world wants answers to. 838 01:05:49.576 --> 01:05:50.600 Turn around. 839 01:06:02.091 --> 01:06:06.289 Thank you. Okay. Career down the toilet. 840 01:06:06.313 --> 01:06:10.960 Both men in the same room. What could possibly go wrong? 841 01:06:14.837 --> 01:06:17.566 I hope you don't mind me just showing up and surprising you. 842 01:06:17.739 --> 01:06:20.631 No. - Well done. It was very... 843 01:06:21.856 --> 01:06:24.886 Yes. - Technically adroit. 844 01:06:25.489 --> 01:06:29.752 Mark, I would love for you to meet... 845 01:06:37.356 --> 01:06:41.876 Ariyaratna Sithamparanathan. 846 01:06:41.896 --> 01:06:48.003 Ariyaratna's is the area manager for DTC Technological Solutions. 847 01:06:48.019 --> 01:06:50.866 Aren't you, Ari Sinatra? 848 01:06:54.383 --> 01:06:55.984 Hi. - Hello. 849 01:06:56.384 --> 01:06:57.384 Hey. 850 01:06:59.248 --> 01:07:02.656 What the hell was that? What'ere you thinking? 851 01:07:02.679 --> 01:07:06.134 I've got four voicemails from David Cartwright that I dare not listen to. 852 01:07:06.158 --> 01:07:08.912 I'll be right back. - You call that a presentation? 853 01:07:08.931 --> 01:07:11.792 I don't know whether I've the right people around me because you're not... 854 01:07:11.800 --> 01:07:14.322 Alice, I'm so sorry. Yeah well sorry isn't good enough. 855 01:07:14.338 --> 01:07:19.263 Excuse me. Look at me when I'm talking to you. Excuse me. - I'm so sorry, but I really... 856 01:07:20.696 --> 01:07:21.696 What? 857 01:07:22.789 --> 01:07:25.651 Bridget, I'd like you to meet Jack Qwant. He's rather extraordinary. 858 01:07:25.666 --> 01:07:29.209 I was just reading a profile of him in The New Yorker. - Right, yes. 859 01:07:29.225 --> 01:07:31.875 We actually know each other. Yes, we certainly do. 860 01:07:31.899 --> 01:07:34.100 Good job. Why didn't you introduce me to this man before? 861 01:07:34.116 --> 01:07:37.473 He's brilliant. You know, he represents the punk rock band that's being extradited. 862 01:07:37.489 --> 01:07:40.111 That's right. - Yes. Yes. I knew that too. 863 01:07:40.135 --> 01:07:43.533 Hi, we've met fleetingly before as well. 864 01:07:43.556 --> 01:07:46.245 I'm in charge of data management for most of Daventry. 865 01:07:47.145 --> 01:07:49.045 Oh. Well, umm... 866 01:07:49.306 --> 01:07:54.501 I must say it's fantastic that you're getting on so well because you have a lot in common. 867 01:07:54.685 --> 01:08:00.679 Shall we get out of here, and find a place a bit quieter? - Yes, why not. I booked Gianni's. 868 01:08:00.695 --> 01:08:03.075 Great. - That sounds lovely. 869 01:08:04.895 --> 01:08:10.045 You might have to sit this one out, Arinuth. I'm sorry. 870 01:08:16.088 --> 01:08:20.398 So do you actually believe that mathematics can... how did you put it in your book? 871 01:08:20.412 --> 01:08:23.543 help us analyze behavior previously invisible to science? 872 01:08:23.559 --> 01:08:28.424 Well, my dating algorithm is to help people find love, not necessarily replace it. 873 01:08:28.440 --> 01:08:33.208 Oh no, is incredible idea. - Have you ever tried it out? 874 01:08:34.879 --> 01:08:40.178 You're single, right? - Well, I'm... Yes, I suppose so. 875 01:08:41.234 --> 01:08:43.303 How did you two meet? 876 01:08:47.787 --> 01:08:50.957 Yeah. - It's umm... 877 01:08:52.366 --> 01:08:56.064 It's sort of a funny story. Sort of. 878 01:08:58.442 --> 01:08:59.442 You see, umm... 879 01:08:59.642 --> 01:09:05.053 a few months ago, on the fourth of the month, I met Jack at a music festival. 880 01:09:05.074 --> 01:09:06.074 Right. 881 01:09:06.093 --> 01:09:12.268 And we got on very well and sort of had... relations. 882 01:09:12.293 --> 01:09:18.721 And the next week, that is to say, on the eleventh of the month at Jude's baby christening to be exact... 883 01:09:18.745 --> 01:09:24.684 following the consumption of a large amount of alcohol, Mark and I, well, we had similar relations. 884 01:09:25.383 --> 01:09:31.311 And, um, this is the funny part, I suppose. Owing to these relations... 885 01:09:31.334 --> 01:09:37.095 the resulting life form currently residing in my tummy, could actually, in fact, be either of yours. 886 01:09:46.719 --> 01:09:52.775 I know I should have told you both before but... I just didn't. 887 01:09:55.145 --> 01:09:56.855 You both seemed so happy. 888 01:09:57.178 --> 01:10:01.073 So correct me if I'm wrong, but did you just say that the baby could be either of us? 889 01:10:04.533 --> 01:10:08.726 So you have no idea which of us is actually the father? 890 01:10:12.318 --> 01:10:17.411 I know, it's all very confusing. I'm sorry. 891 01:10:18.011 --> 01:10:19.111 I'm sorry. 892 01:10:19.857 --> 01:10:25.065 So however we choose to do this... 893 01:10:27.695 --> 01:10:31.319 the most important thing now is this. 894 01:10:35.068 --> 01:10:37.648 Bridget, I'm not going to pretend this isn't a shock. 895 01:10:39.067 --> 01:10:43.075 I want you to know whatever the circumstance... 896 01:10:44.285 --> 01:10:46.412 The most important thing is the baby. 897 01:10:47.641 --> 01:10:50.176 Who knows, this could be a great adventure. 898 01:10:50.646 --> 01:10:54.101 I'm afraid you're going to have to excuse me. I have a meeting. 899 01:10:59.155 --> 01:11:01.574 Good night - Mark... 900 01:11:08.764 --> 01:11:11.736 Gianni, can we have the bill please? - Subito. 901 01:11:20.382 --> 01:11:22.300 And if I thought that was tricky... 902 01:11:22.323 --> 01:11:26.315 how would the news go down at mum's parish council election campaign? 903 01:11:26.481 --> 01:11:29.624 Honestly, we started half an hour ago. Where have you been? 904 01:11:29.648 --> 01:11:33.552 You said it was an emergency. Well, The Gazette wants to take a family portrait. 905 01:11:33.576 --> 01:11:34.657 What are you wearing? 906 01:11:36.336 --> 01:11:38.917 Oh my God. Bridget, you're... - Yes. 907 01:11:41.513 --> 01:11:46.382 Why didn't you say anything? - I didn't want to upset you. 908 01:11:46.403 --> 01:11:51.278 Why would you? Oh no, Bridget. Who's the father? 909 01:11:51.487 --> 01:11:56.176 It's not Mark is it? Oh, do say it is. - There's at least a 50 percent chance. 910 01:11:56.192 --> 01:12:00.151 A 50 percent chance? - Mark and this really nice American called Jack. 911 01:12:00.175 --> 01:12:04.453 Oh no, Bridget. An American? Did you have a three-way? 912 01:12:04.726 --> 01:12:06.321 Mrs Jones. 913 01:12:08.250 --> 01:12:12.899 Here, take this and pretend everything is fine. - Everything is fine. 914 01:12:12.930 --> 01:12:17.924 Ms. Jones, can we... Here's a lovely place for you to stand. 915 01:12:21.059 --> 01:12:25.225 Are you ashamed of me? - No darling. It's just the circumstances. 916 01:12:25.241 --> 01:12:27.695 I'm running for high office. See? 917 01:12:28.596 --> 01:12:32.275 If you love family and you love values... it's so long. 918 01:12:32.661 --> 01:12:35.437 It's not the 1950's. 919 01:12:35.651 --> 01:12:40.578 Look around you. Two lesbians just adopted at number 32. 920 01:12:41.079 --> 01:12:45.370 If you don't change the way you look at things, you're going to lose your precious election... 921 01:12:45.786 --> 01:12:47.527 and perhaps your daughter. 922 01:12:49.971 --> 01:12:52.707 Bridget, so lovely to see you. 923 01:12:52.889 --> 01:12:55.195 Are you...? - Yes, I am. 924 01:12:55.319 --> 01:12:59.726 How wonderful. We thought you'd just got all fat again. 925 01:13:02.943 --> 01:13:08.157 I'm now the Mary Magdalene of middle England. Have alienated Mom and Mark Darcy. 926 01:13:08.159 --> 01:13:12.441 Am like tropical female insect that shags men to impregnate self and eats them. 927 01:13:12.487 --> 01:13:17.319 The question is: will Mark even turn up and engage in a polyamorous family? 928 01:13:25.937 --> 01:13:27.437 Hey. Hello. 929 01:13:27.537 --> 01:13:30.020 First pre-natal class. 930 01:13:30.753 --> 01:13:33.011 Exciting, huh? - Yeah. 931 01:13:34.859 --> 01:13:36.611 You look great. 932 01:13:43.195 --> 01:13:44.931 Hello. 933 01:13:45.943 --> 01:13:49.217 I'm so glad you came. - Yeah, me too. 934 01:13:49.403 --> 01:13:52.776 I brought you a nice tea. - Oh, wow. Thank you. 935 01:13:54.951 --> 01:13:59.693 It's off 'till this evening. But there's a heck of a lot of caffeine in that tea. 936 01:13:59.703 --> 01:14:03.426 I brought you a... super juice. 937 01:14:04.535 --> 01:14:09.194 Thank you. Shall we go in? 938 01:14:09.196 --> 01:14:11.585 Why not? - Sure. Let me carry that for you. 939 01:14:11.587 --> 01:14:14.777 Thank you. - Can I carry your phone, please? 940 01:14:15.977 --> 01:14:16.977 Okay. 941 01:14:18.911 --> 01:14:20.159 Thank you. 942 01:14:21.079 --> 01:14:23.119 And who do we have here, then? 943 01:14:23.243 --> 01:14:27.867 I'm Bridget and this is Jack ... 944 01:14:27.995 --> 01:14:31.370 and this is Mark. 945 01:14:32.370 --> 01:14:38.513 Oh. Lovely. You're our second same sex couple today. 946 01:14:41.287 --> 01:14:44.471 No, actually we're ... - Absolutely. 947 01:14:44.473 --> 01:14:48.281 We just need the gift of a baby to make us feel complete. 948 01:14:48.367 --> 01:14:51.923 You must be the surrogate? - Exactly, yes. 949 01:14:51.925 --> 01:14:55.203 Just helping this wonderful couple make their dream come true. 950 01:14:55.205 --> 01:14:59.768 Mark is very nervous about all this. All new to you, isn't it, lamb chop? 951 01:15:02.327 --> 01:15:05.867 Like all visionaries, we encounter bumps along the road. 952 01:15:05.995 --> 01:15:10.294 How would you like to give birth to your placenta? - Quickly. 953 01:15:35.159 --> 01:15:36.838 Are you okay? Are you sure? 954 01:15:37.240 --> 01:15:41.414 And of course massage can have many benefits throughout pregnancy. 955 01:15:41.416 --> 01:15:45.479 Can we name some of them? - It relieves stress and promotes feel good hormones. 956 01:15:45.481 --> 01:15:48.028 And is also to be avoided in cases of high risk pregnancy... 957 01:15:48.048 --> 01:15:50.183 For example, when there is a geriatric mother. 958 01:15:50.203 --> 01:15:53.414 Right, excellent, someone's been reading up. 959 01:15:53.416 --> 01:15:56.750 Would you like to have a go? - No, I think I'll let Jack get on with it.... 960 01:15:56.752 --> 01:15:59.435 I think he seems to have it covered. - That's very sweet of you. 961 01:15:59.437 --> 01:16:01.653 That's why I love you, my little teacup. 962 01:16:03.995 --> 01:16:07.367 What if we ask the right questions and apply the laws of mathematics... 963 01:16:07.495 --> 01:16:10.495 so that the science of courtship could be quantified? 964 01:17:06.827 --> 01:17:10.151 May I please make an application to lead to an appeal... 965 01:17:10.153 --> 01:17:14.480 in the case of Her Majesty's Government and Saddiq Al Bashir. 966 01:17:15.035 --> 01:17:18.144 As Your Lordship is aware, Mr. Al Bashir has lost. 967 01:17:18.164 --> 01:17:22.400 So everything's alright? - Yes, well, it's this combination... 968 01:17:22.402 --> 01:17:26.743 gherkins, anchovies, banana juice and Pringles. 969 01:17:27.203 --> 01:17:30.429 So essentially... - It's wind. 970 01:17:32.234 --> 01:17:38.411 Right, so, going forward regular Pringles, not hot, spicy barbecue? 971 01:17:38.413 --> 01:17:41.632 Or possibly no Pringles at all. Try that. 972 01:17:44.979 --> 01:17:48.539 Is everything alright? Is Bridget okay? - Yes, perfectly fine. 973 01:17:49.103 --> 01:17:54.603 She's in there with... That's Dr. Pringle. He's testing her blood. This is interesting. 974 01:17:54.605 --> 01:17:58.457 This is a new bedside technique we're testing out of Oslo. It's Norwegian. 975 01:17:58.459 --> 01:18:02.237 It's alright. I know about Jack. Thank you doctor. - Oh, thank God. Why didn't you tell me? 976 01:18:02.355 --> 01:18:05.147 She's fine. He's calmed her down completely, actually. 977 01:18:05.563 --> 01:18:08.703 I'm sorry, I got your messages. I was in court. 978 01:18:11.979 --> 01:18:15.458 Hi. It's alright. Can't be helped. 979 01:18:19.311 --> 01:18:22.395 You should get it. It might be work. 980 01:18:25.355 --> 01:18:28.855 Don't worry. I got it covered. - Yes, I can see that. 981 01:18:29.855 --> 01:18:34.777 Wow. Okay, you need to chill out. We have to do this together. 982 01:18:34.855 --> 01:18:39.960 You know, in Peru the Um Bat Do, consider paternity attach shared responsibility among the many tribesmen. 983 01:18:39.962 --> 01:18:43.111 Unfortunately, we Um Bat don't live in Peru. I live in Ealing. 984 01:18:44.771 --> 01:18:47.952 Negative energy is just so bad for the baby. 985 01:18:50.227 --> 01:18:54.778 Stop it. Both of you. This isn't a competition. 986 01:18:57.147 --> 01:19:01.926 She's right. We should take this toxic energy out of the room. 987 01:19:10.435 --> 01:19:11.855 I won't be a minute. 988 01:19:24.147 --> 01:19:29.468 What's up? Come on, buddy. Why are you so angry? 989 01:19:30.687 --> 01:19:32.687 You know what? I'm really not your buddy. 990 01:19:32.811 --> 01:19:36.315 I don't know about vibes or negative energy or prenatal wind... 991 01:19:36.317 --> 01:19:38.000 and even less about algorithms... 992 01:19:38.002 --> 01:19:41.349 so I will confess that the laws of attraction are somewhat beyond me. 993 01:19:41.687 --> 01:19:44.271 In fact, Bridget defies comprehension generally. 994 01:19:44.395 --> 01:19:47.479 But despite, or perhaps owing to the bewildering litany of catastrophes 995 01:19:47.603 --> 01:19:50.867 I've witnessed over the last 40 years, I feel I've come to know Bridget rather well... 996 01:19:50.869 --> 01:19:52.890 and I've spent those years caring for her very deeply. 997 01:19:52.892 --> 01:19:56.109 And that may defy automated reasoning, but there's nothing I can do about it. 998 01:19:56.129 --> 01:19:57.303 Nothing you can do about it? 999 01:19:57.305 --> 01:20:00.587 Maybe you should try and stay around a little, instead of saving the world by cellphone. 1000 01:20:00.607 --> 01:20:01.918 I make her happy, Mark. 1001 01:20:01.938 --> 01:20:05.102 And I suppose your algorithm tells you you're destined to be together, does it. 1002 01:20:05.122 --> 01:20:07.683 Actually it does. The fact that you've been trying 1003 01:20:07.783 --> 01:20:10.183 and failing for the past ten years tells me you are not. 1004 01:20:10.647 --> 01:20:12.811 No... - I don't want to fight with you. 1005 01:20:16.103 --> 01:20:17.941 We should think about Bridget and the baby. 1006 01:20:17.943 --> 01:20:20.639 For better or worse, fate has brought us together. 1007 01:20:20.641 --> 01:20:24.147 It wasn't fate, it was condoms. - What do you mean? 1008 01:20:24.271 --> 01:20:27.519 Those ridiculous dolphin friendly things from the bottom of Bridget's bag. 1009 01:20:28.647 --> 01:20:32.387 I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about. When Bridget and I got it on, I was... 1010 01:20:32.979 --> 01:20:35.224 I was not dressed for the occasion. 1011 01:21:18.187 --> 01:21:20.147 No Mark today? - No. 1012 01:21:25.935 --> 01:21:29.502 We must thank one person who was prepared to fight for us... 1013 01:21:29.504 --> 01:21:32.413 when no one else would, and we say to that person... 1014 01:21:32.771 --> 01:21:34.147 with all our hearts... 1015 01:21:38.855 --> 01:21:40.979 "Freedom!" 1016 01:21:43.855 --> 01:21:46.227 Bridget, we're back. 1017 01:21:47.771 --> 01:21:51.395 I still can't believe Mark ducked out like that. 1018 01:21:51.519 --> 01:21:53.435 Well, it's not really his fault. 1019 01:21:53.563 --> 01:21:58.853 I suppose we just have to hope it's Jack's, right? 1020 01:21:59.311 --> 01:22:04.380 I mean, let's face it, things could be worse. He's pretty fucking amazing. 1021 01:22:04.382 --> 01:22:07.771 He's richer than God and he has a very nice sized puppet. 1022 01:22:07.895 --> 01:22:12.647 He does, and we match up very nicely on paper. 1023 01:22:13.435 --> 01:22:17.013 Well, how do you know? - You just have to have faith. 1024 01:22:17.015 --> 01:22:22.185 You just have to ask yourself: can I see myself growing old... 1025 01:22:22.187 --> 01:22:26.126 with this guy, and not Mark Darcy? 1026 01:22:28.479 --> 01:22:31.718 There it is. Here we go. 1027 01:22:38.818 --> 01:22:39.818 Oh, hey! 1028 01:22:41.271 --> 01:22:44.311 You know, first few months, they only see black and white. 1029 01:22:44.435 --> 01:22:47.187 This will help stimulate spatial awareness. 1030 01:22:47.311 --> 01:22:49.271 Or early onset motion sickness. 1031 01:22:50.895 --> 01:22:54.437 I got him one of these. A bouncy chair. 1032 01:22:55.979 --> 01:22:58.935 Not quite sure where we're going to put it. 1033 01:23:00.479 --> 01:23:06.114 About that... It's kind of cramped in here, don't you think? 1034 01:23:08.519 --> 01:23:10.328 It's cosy. 1035 01:23:12.237 --> 01:23:17.885 You know, I've been thinking. Might be nice if we moved in together. 1036 01:23:18.063 --> 01:23:20.407 You think we're ready for that? 1037 01:23:20.409 --> 01:23:24.860 I'm just tired of living in hotel rooms and airport lounges. 1038 01:23:25.395 --> 01:23:30.296 We could be a family. Me, you and him. 1039 01:23:31.395 --> 01:23:33.121 What do you say? 1040 01:23:38.395 --> 01:23:41.435 What if it's not yours? - What? 1041 01:23:41.563 --> 01:23:44.019 What if the baby turns out to be Mark's? 1042 01:23:49.435 --> 01:23:52.116 Well, I mean, it'd certainly change things. 1043 01:23:56.979 --> 01:23:59.741 Is that what you want? For it to be Mark's? 1044 01:24:05.603 --> 01:24:07.311 Are you in love with him? 1045 01:24:10.771 --> 01:24:15.076 I have been in the past. 1046 01:24:16.687 --> 01:24:18.103 And me? 1047 01:24:20.355 --> 01:24:23.754 I could be, one day. 1048 01:24:31.979 --> 01:24:36.068 Bridget, I haven't been totally honest with you. 1049 01:24:37.103 --> 01:24:40.914 Mark thinks the baby isn't his, and I let him believe it was mine. 1050 01:24:41.519 --> 01:24:43.811 That's why he disappeared. 1051 01:24:47.687 --> 01:24:50.435 Why would he think that? - Because I let him. 1052 01:24:50.563 --> 01:24:52.603 Because I wanted you for myself. 1053 01:24:56.103 --> 01:24:58.227 We could be so good for each other. 1054 01:25:00.435 --> 01:25:06.535 97 percent. - On paper. 1055 01:25:07.227 --> 01:25:10.033 But falling in love doesn't happen on paper. 1056 01:25:11.519 --> 01:25:16.578 Sometimes you love a person because of all the reasons they're not like you. 1057 01:25:19.895 --> 01:25:23.603 And sometimes you love a person just because they feel like home. 1058 01:25:27.811 --> 01:25:29.727 I've got to find Mark. 1059 01:25:36.271 --> 01:25:41.331 Hello, Pierce. It's Bridget. I'm trying to get hold of Mark. 1060 01:25:41.333 --> 01:25:44.895 He just got back from a trip, Bridget. He's in a taxi on his way home. 1061 01:26:19.311 --> 01:26:20.983 Hi. 1062 01:27:04.687 --> 01:27:08.102 Approximately eight weeks to go. 1063 01:27:13.603 --> 01:27:16.278 You don't really need them, you know. 1064 01:27:16.280 --> 01:27:18.445 All they're good for is fitting car seats, and blaming things on, 1065 01:27:18.445 --> 01:27:20.245 they really just get in the way after that. 1066 01:27:21.479 --> 01:27:25.174 You're absolutely capable of doing this on your own. 1067 01:27:26.103 --> 01:27:27.933 I did. 1068 01:27:46.835 --> 01:27:52.662 You know what? I can do this on my own. We can do this on our own. 1069 01:27:53.047 --> 01:27:57.419 One of the perks of being pregnant is I no longer feel like a tragic lonely spinster. 1070 01:27:57.547 --> 01:28:00.255 Because of a miniature miracle growing inside. 1071 01:28:00.379 --> 01:28:03.107 Hello. Hello! 1072 01:28:05.171 --> 01:28:08.463 Mum's throwing a Christmas party / political rally. 1073 01:28:08.587 --> 01:28:13.702 It's like the G8 summit with Scotch eggs. Be brave. Go in. 1074 01:28:14.671 --> 01:28:16.379 Hello darling. - Hello. 1075 01:28:16.503 --> 01:28:20.211 Sorry, I didn't realise everyone was here. I'll just pop upstairs. 1076 01:28:20.335 --> 01:28:26.542 No, nonsense. Nonsense. Una's had all the posters reprinted. 1077 01:28:28.465 --> 01:28:30.780 You've inspired me. - Still so long. 1078 01:28:30.782 --> 01:28:33.304 You were quite right, as it turns out. 1079 01:28:33.306 --> 01:28:37.671 This place is teeming with single mothers, single fathers, bisexuals, surrogates. 1080 01:28:37.795 --> 01:28:39.879 And they're all lovely and so normal. 1081 01:28:40.003 --> 01:28:43.865 Do you know, I've even got two homosexuals on the team. - No, thank you. 1082 01:28:43.867 --> 01:28:45.879 Who knew? - Everybody. 1083 01:28:47.503 --> 01:28:49.671 I'm so proud of you, darling. You know that? 1084 01:28:50.171 --> 01:28:53.623 What you're doing is not easy, but if anyone can make it work, it's you. 1085 01:28:54.379 --> 01:28:58.221 That child is the luckiest boy on earth to have you as his mother. 1086 01:28:58.547 --> 01:29:02.316 And he's going to have the love of a million fathers with you by his side. 1087 01:29:03.711 --> 01:29:06.623 Come on. We've got some campaigning to do. 1088 01:29:06.625 --> 01:29:10.218 Make way. Make way. Single pregnant mother coming through. 1089 01:29:11.963 --> 01:29:17.674 Laura, Josh. We need to give six minutes to General Lu Tong, ok. 1090 01:29:18.087 --> 01:29:21.865 It's a huge scoop. - Yeah, Alice wants to pull the interview. 1091 01:29:21.867 --> 01:29:25.087 She's got a feature on "Is The World Really Ending On Tuesday?" 1092 01:29:25.211 --> 01:29:28.795 Well it may as well if we lose Lu Tong. Lu Tong stays. 1093 01:29:28.919 --> 01:29:31.047 Six minutes. Let's do this. 1094 01:29:32.463 --> 01:29:37.281 General Lu Tong, hi. Sorry it's so chaotic in here today. 1095 01:29:37.711 --> 01:29:41.087 Thank you for coming on. We're on, live, in two minutes. 1096 01:29:41.211 --> 01:29:45.835 Miranda will probably want to start with what's going on in Naypyidaw. 1097 01:29:45.963 --> 01:29:48.700 Go three. - Miranda, back to General Lu Tong. 1098 01:29:48.702 --> 01:29:52.738 Keep pressing. - So let me ask you one more time, General Lu Tong... 1099 01:29:52.740 --> 01:29:55.711 will you take responsibility for the human rights abuses... 1100 01:29:55.835 --> 01:29:57.671 perpetrated by your own government? 1101 01:29:57.673 --> 01:30:01.205 He's on the rack. Tight on 4. Get those beads of sweat. 1102 01:30:01.207 --> 01:30:04.503 In you go, 4. Push it. - I'm sorry, I can't answer that. 1103 01:30:04.627 --> 01:30:07.080 Can't, or won't, Lu Tong? 1104 01:30:07.180 --> 01:30:09.480 - Can't, or won't, General Lu Tong? 1105 01:30:09.482 --> 01:30:12.327 On balance, I'd suggest "can't", considering 1106 01:30:12.327 --> 01:30:15.127 I've just found General Lu Tong in the lobby, 1107 01:30:15.129 --> 01:30:17.802 and his chauffeur is currently live on air answering 1108 01:30:17.802 --> 01:30:20.402 questions about Far Eastern geopolitics. 1109 01:30:20.404 --> 01:30:24.095 No? Any comments you want to make about the use of sexual torture... 1110 01:30:24.097 --> 01:30:25.454 by your own military? 1111 01:30:26.547 --> 01:30:30.990 Ask him about London traffic. - London traffic, General Lu Tong, 1112 01:30:30.992 --> 01:30:35.009 anything to say about that? No comment there. Unbelievable. 1113 01:30:35.295 --> 01:30:39.292 That's it from General Lu Tong. We'll see you after this short break. 1114 01:30:39.294 --> 01:30:40.685 Good job. 1115 01:30:43.671 --> 01:30:46.211 Unfortunately, you leave me no choice. 1116 01:30:46.335 --> 01:30:49.881 It is actually illegal to fire somebody for being pregnant. 1117 01:30:49.883 --> 01:30:52.924 I'm not firing her for being pregnant. I'm firing her for gross incompetency. 1118 01:30:52.926 --> 01:30:57.099 Bridget is the beating heart of this show. How could you want to fire her? 1119 01:30:57.101 --> 01:30:59.948 How about for interviewing a chauffeur instead of a general? 1120 01:30:59.950 --> 01:31:04.194 Using a TV interview to determine if a guest might be the father of her child... 1121 01:31:04.196 --> 01:31:08.679 and being responsible for the broadcast of six bare arses? 1122 01:31:14.171 --> 01:31:17.726 It's okay. It really okay, Richard. 1123 01:31:18.255 --> 01:31:21.909 I was going to quit anyway. Probably. 1124 01:31:22.419 --> 01:31:26.755 Believe it or not, I was a little like you when I started here. 1125 01:31:26.879 --> 01:31:32.159 A little chunkier and much less makeup, but I wanted to make my mark too. 1126 01:31:32.379 --> 01:31:34.835 But I don't want to be part of your re-branding. 1127 01:31:34.963 --> 01:31:39.120 I haven't got the right haircut anyway and I don't drink cocktails out of jam jars 1128 01:31:39.122 --> 01:31:41.444 or post photos of my lunch on Instagram. 1129 01:31:41.446 --> 01:31:43.947 And I suppose it's become unfashionable to care 1130 01:31:43.947 --> 01:31:46.347 about wanting to make something worthwhile. 1131 01:31:46.367 --> 01:31:50.738 But I would rather be old-fashioned and unemployed... 1132 01:31:50.740 --> 01:31:53.694 than part of a show that celebrates the inane. 1133 01:31:53.963 --> 01:31:56.765 Then maybe when my boy is old enough to understand, 1134 01:31:56.765 --> 01:31:59.565 integrity will be fashionable again. 1135 01:32:27.547 --> 01:32:29.127 What have I done? 1136 01:32:43.919 --> 01:32:46.508 It's all very well fighting for your principles 1137 01:32:46.508 --> 01:32:49.108 when there's no food in the fridge. 1138 01:32:53.879 --> 01:32:57.756 I mean, how difficult can it be to find another job... 1139 01:32:57.758 --> 01:33:01.157 when you've just been fired and your nine months pregnant? 1140 01:33:01.335 --> 01:33:06.329 And whatever happens now, I'm going to get you one of those bloody Bugaboos. 1141 01:33:09.503 --> 01:33:11.406 Birthday? 1142 01:33:13.255 --> 01:33:15.919 Oh God, brains gone to mush. 1143 01:33:16.503 --> 01:33:17.919 First shag? 1144 01:33:23.474 --> 01:33:24.546 No. 1145 01:33:26.879 --> 01:33:28.574 Bugger. 1146 01:33:33.295 --> 01:33:34.919 I'm very sorry. 1147 01:33:37.671 --> 01:33:41.243 I've gone all crap, all of a sudden. 1148 01:33:41.843 --> 01:33:42.843 Right. 1149 01:33:53.087 --> 01:33:55.379 No, no, no, no. Fuck. 1150 01:35:32.511 --> 01:35:35.595 Okay, new pre-birth resolutions. 1151 01:35:35.719 --> 01:35:40.387 I, Bridget Jones, am going to be the best mother in the world. 1152 01:35:41.263 --> 01:35:43.555 I'm going to try not to leave you in a shop... 1153 01:35:43.679 --> 01:35:48.555 or put you in the washing machine like the woman in the newspaper with her cat. 1154 01:35:48.679 --> 01:35:53.829 Look, I know I made you a promise to get things sorted before you got here. 1155 01:35:54.011 --> 01:35:59.547 Well the truth is, I haven't, but you and me can do this together... 1156 01:36:00.219 --> 01:36:04.064 because knights in shining armour don't exist any more. 1157 01:36:04.763 --> 01:36:08.753 Or do they? 1158 01:36:23.719 --> 01:36:25.366 Hi. 1159 01:36:26.511 --> 01:36:30.900 Bridget. Good God, what are you doing there? You're all wet. 1160 01:36:30.902 --> 01:36:35.011 Yes, I locked myself out, and left my bag... 1161 01:36:35.013 --> 01:36:40.342 Lost my keys, phone, my mind. 1162 01:36:41.303 --> 01:36:43.219 What are you doing here? 1163 01:36:44.847 --> 01:36:50.932 It seems I can always find time to save the world, but you're my world. 1164 01:36:58.263 --> 01:37:00.803 I thought you were back with Candida. 1165 01:37:01.555 --> 01:37:05.498 You know perfectly well her name's Camilla. - Camilla. 1166 01:37:07.847 --> 01:37:12.683 I came round your house to find you, and she was there. 1167 01:37:12.685 --> 01:37:16.020 She came to collect her bags. Gone back to The Hague. 1168 01:37:16.219 --> 01:37:18.347 Just taken her to the airport. 1169 01:37:37.469 --> 01:37:38.717 Thank you. 1170 01:37:42.261 --> 01:37:43.977 Bridget... 1171 01:37:45.009 --> 01:37:47.469 You know I find emotional declarations... 1172 01:37:48.677 --> 01:37:50.312 difficult. 1173 01:37:52.093 --> 01:37:53.717 But the truth is ... 1174 01:37:58.925 --> 01:38:01.345 Why are my trousers warm? 1175 01:38:04.801 --> 01:38:07.133 My waters must have broken. - Oh Jesus. 1176 01:38:07.261 --> 01:38:09.425 So sorry. I'll get a cloth. 1177 01:38:09.427 --> 01:38:11.836 But you're not due for another two or three weeks. 1178 01:38:11.838 --> 01:38:15.633 That's a contraction. I think we should get to the hospital quickly. 1179 01:38:15.761 --> 01:38:18.043 Absolutely. - Let's take your car. 1180 01:38:18.045 --> 01:38:20.845 I came in a taxi. - Oh, for fucks sake. 1181 01:38:20.847 --> 01:38:23.885 Well, how was I supposed to know? - No, not you. The contractions. 1182 01:38:23.887 --> 01:38:25.803 No, we'll take your car. 1183 01:38:25.903 --> 01:38:28.303 - We can't. The car keys are in my bag with everything else. 1184 01:38:30.261 --> 01:38:34.385 Five, six, seven, eight... - Just pant, and breathe, and count. 1185 01:38:34.387 --> 01:38:36.969 ... Nine, ten. - It's what your supposed to do, isn't it? 1186 01:38:43.969 --> 01:38:47.009 You should get that. It might be work. 1187 01:38:49.301 --> 01:38:53.586 No don't! - Oi! What the fuck? 1188 01:38:54.133 --> 01:38:58.218 That's really sweet, but we've got to call a cab. 1189 01:38:58.809 --> 01:38:59.809 Oh, shit. 1190 01:39:00.009 --> 01:39:01.677 Right, what do we do? 1191 01:39:04.261 --> 01:39:06.177 I'll think of something. 1192 01:39:10.385 --> 01:39:12.425 Watch out. - Out of the way. 1193 01:39:13.885 --> 01:39:17.053 We go to the hospital. We're going to make a baby. 1194 01:39:20.177 --> 01:39:21.882 Let's go. 1195 01:39:21.884 --> 01:39:26.890 God, this is... This is really happening. 1196 01:39:27.845 --> 01:39:31.425 I'm going to be a mother. Maybe I'm too old for all this. 1197 01:39:31.553 --> 01:39:33.925 Wait, wait. Why're you stopping? 1198 01:39:34.425 --> 01:39:37.345 A margarita with onion and pineapple. Number 17, thank you. 1199 01:39:37.347 --> 01:39:38.956 What? 1200 01:39:48.761 --> 01:39:52.916 Who is ordering onion with pineapple, huh? Some people they're crazy, no? 1201 01:39:54.969 --> 01:40:00.129 Yes. Okay. Here we go. 1202 01:40:02.761 --> 01:40:05.177 Do not worry, Ms. Bridget. We get you there. 1203 01:40:05.301 --> 01:40:08.133 There is no traffic this time of night. It's okay, eh? 1204 01:40:08.261 --> 01:40:10.425 Vagina. Power to the vagina. 1205 01:40:10.553 --> 01:40:15.956 My God. Unbelieveable. Is a bloody women's rights march. 1206 01:40:16.385 --> 01:40:20.638 Oh gees, not now. - Christ, it's those women I defended. 1207 01:40:21.301 --> 01:40:23.352 It's those infernal Russians. Just hold my hand. 1208 01:40:23.354 --> 01:40:26.208 We really need to get there. We need to get there. 1209 01:40:27.483 --> 01:40:31.228 Right, we're getting out. Ready? - No, I don't think it's a good idea. 1210 01:40:31.230 --> 01:40:32.761 No, Bridget... Bridget. 1211 01:40:33.553 --> 01:40:37.917 Call Jack. - I'll come behind with the bags, Mr. Mark. 1212 01:40:38.217 --> 01:40:39.469 And I call Mr. Jack. 1213 01:40:39.471 --> 01:40:43.071 It's all right, Bridget. We'll find a way. - I don't think I can walk. 1214 01:40:43.969 --> 01:40:46.009 It's alright. I'll carry you. 1215 01:41:10.133 --> 01:41:13.597 Good God, Bridget. You're immense. - I can't help it. 1216 01:41:14.801 --> 01:41:18.559 I think my lungs collapsed, but this is not about me. 1217 01:41:18.561 --> 01:41:20.345 The contractions are starting again. 1218 01:41:20.347 --> 01:41:23.425 I'm going to have the baby in the street. - I tell you what, 1219 01:41:23.427 --> 01:41:27.976 we'll rest for ten, and we'll walk for ten. - Okay. 1220 01:41:44.177 --> 01:41:48.196 It's not much further. - No. 1221 01:41:48.198 --> 01:41:52.570 I think it's about a mile and a half. - Don't think... 1222 01:41:52.885 --> 01:41:55.301 Are you okay? 1223 01:41:56.469 --> 01:41:59.836 It's probably best if I don't talk too much. - Yes. 1224 01:42:03.885 --> 01:42:08.889 Okay, I'm here. Okay. I can take it from here. 1225 01:42:08.925 --> 01:42:13.780 I'm here. Okay. I got this. - Thank you. 1226 01:42:16.677 --> 01:42:19.931 Jesus. 1227 01:42:21.425 --> 01:42:24.593 This is a two man job. - I'm here. 1228 01:42:24.595 --> 01:42:26.677 Take her. Take her. - I got her. 1229 01:42:26.679 --> 01:42:28.717 Jesus. Don't drop her. 1230 01:42:35.717 --> 01:42:37.677 Just inside. - This way? 1231 01:42:37.679 --> 01:42:39.633 Yes, there. - No, this way. 1232 01:42:40.593 --> 01:42:42.425 Okay, squeeze in. 1233 01:42:42.553 --> 01:42:44.261 Are you squeezing? - Get her. 1234 01:42:44.263 --> 01:42:46.009 Squeeze in. - I'm squeezing. 1235 01:42:46.133 --> 01:42:47.628 Push. 1236 01:42:49.509 --> 01:42:51.301 Closer. 1237 01:42:51.425 --> 01:42:53.203 No, no, that's fine. 1238 01:42:56.009 --> 01:42:58.553 We're out. - Nurse. 1239 01:42:58.677 --> 01:43:00.593 Carol, Carol, wheelchair. Wheelchair 1240 01:43:00.595 --> 01:43:05.825 One two three. - Yes, over here. Please. Thank you. 1241 01:43:08.261 --> 01:43:09.870 You okay? 1242 01:43:11.345 --> 01:43:13.261 Which of you is the father? - I am. 1243 01:43:13.385 --> 01:43:15.200 Right. 1244 01:43:20.177 --> 01:43:21.593 Breathe out the pain. 1245 01:43:23.177 --> 01:43:24.548 Oh, good. - Hey. 1246 01:43:24.550 --> 01:43:27.713 I was wondering how many fathers we'd get. A full house. Bingo. 1247 01:43:28.469 --> 01:43:30.553 Bridget, how do you want do this? An epidural? 1248 01:43:30.555 --> 01:43:35.006 No, you can do this. A positive mental attitude is stronger than any drug. 1249 01:43:35.008 --> 01:43:38.746 Okay? Just think away the pain. - Oh bollocks to that. No, I want everything. 1250 01:43:38.885 --> 01:43:42.384 Gas, air, injections, morphine. 1251 01:43:42.386 --> 01:43:45.950 Bridget, remember your yoga. - Fuck yoga. 1252 01:43:46.053 --> 01:43:47.677 Oh, I couldn't agree with you more. 1253 01:43:47.679 --> 01:43:49.061 It's supposed to relax one... 1254 01:43:49.063 --> 01:43:52.864 but I just spend the entire time clenching my sphincter in an effort not to fart. 1255 01:43:53.385 --> 01:43:56.570 Can we turn you over? I just need to check your cervix. 1256 01:43:59.177 --> 01:44:02.717 You're doing very well. Turning around. Turn to me. 1257 01:44:03.301 --> 01:44:04.717 Just a little rummage. 1258 01:44:05.469 --> 01:44:08.261 Okay, ready? Rummaging... now. 1259 01:44:11.469 --> 01:44:14.466 Yes. Oh, good, good.. You at eight centimeters already. 1260 01:44:14.468 --> 01:44:16.862 That's excellent. That means you can't have any drugs at all. 1261 01:44:16.864 --> 01:44:19.108 What? - You're too far gone. 1262 01:44:19.425 --> 01:44:21.959 Well done. Ooh, another contraction. 1263 01:44:23.133 --> 01:44:27.717 I'm not sure how much there is to gain from you two being at the coal face if I'm honest. 1264 01:44:27.845 --> 01:44:31.149 My ex-husband said it was like watching his favourite pub burn down. 1265 01:44:31.177 --> 01:44:32.841 So. Your choice. 1266 01:44:34.761 --> 01:44:38.517 Maybe dad should go and fetch mum a cool flannel. 1267 01:44:42.053 --> 01:44:43.301 I know. I know. 1268 01:44:44.677 --> 01:44:50.944 It's okay. You can do this. Just, think away the pain. 1269 01:44:51.593 --> 01:44:53.717 Mother fucker. 1270 01:44:53.845 --> 01:44:57.807 Just think away the pain. - Get out, both of you. 1271 01:44:59.301 --> 01:45:00.801 Where are you going? 1272 01:45:03.801 --> 01:45:07.009 I've changed my mind. 1273 01:45:07.133 --> 01:45:10.133 I've changed my mind. 1274 01:46:05.553 --> 01:46:07.367 You can do this. 1275 01:46:09.385 --> 01:46:11.093 You can. We can do it together. 1276 01:46:11.217 --> 01:46:14.009 Just think what lifes thrown at you already. 1277 01:46:17.761 --> 01:46:20.133 You've turned disasters into triumphs... 1278 01:46:20.135 --> 01:46:25.060 with your sheer, joyful, indefatigable, infectious lust for life. 1279 01:46:25.062 --> 01:46:28.040 You've managed this entire pregnancy almost entirely on your own... 1280 01:46:28.042 --> 01:46:33.738 despite a lunatic mother, repressed men and cheating boyfriends who don't deserve you. 1281 01:46:36.885 --> 01:46:38.928 Just a last few moments. 1282 01:46:39.133 --> 01:46:42.831 Just a last few moments, my love, and then you'll see your beautiful baby. 1283 01:46:43.677 --> 01:46:48.679 What if it's not yours? - I'll love him anyway, just as I love you. 1284 01:46:49.217 --> 01:46:53.548 The way you were, the way you are, the way you always will be. 1285 01:47:01.345 --> 01:47:04.406 I think you better go and have that seen to. - Thank you. 1286 01:47:04.845 --> 01:47:06.717 I'll handle it from here. 1287 01:47:10.677 --> 01:47:12.761 Think the pain away. 1288 01:47:12.763 --> 01:47:15.794 You're pushing an entire human being out of your vagina. 1289 01:47:15.894 --> 01:47:18.694 I'd like to see them thinking it away. 1290 01:47:19.633 --> 01:47:23.925 And, with 367 of the votes... 1291 01:47:24.053 --> 01:47:28.729 the winner is Pamela Margaret Jones. - Pamela, honey, it's Bridget. 1292 01:47:28.731 --> 01:47:31.117 Not now, Colin. - It's about the baby. 1293 01:47:31.119 --> 01:47:34.985 I hereby declare that Pamela Margaret Jones... 1294 01:47:34.987 --> 01:47:38.029 I'm so sorry. You'll have to excuse me. 1295 01:47:38.093 --> 01:47:40.301 We are about to become a grandmother. 1296 01:47:42.509 --> 01:47:47.118 Well, that's it for the special late night edition of "Hard News". 1297 01:47:48.133 --> 01:47:51.038 25 seconds to off air. 25. - Standby. 1298 01:47:51.040 --> 01:47:52.183 Bridget's in labor. 1299 01:47:52.583 --> 01:47:54.383 Bridget's in labor!! 1300 01:47:54.385 --> 01:47:57.824 Except to say Bridget Jones is in labour! 1301 01:48:03.509 --> 01:48:05.217 Yes. - Run the credits. 1302 01:48:05.219 --> 01:48:07.217 Credits. - Run the credits. 1303 01:48:07.345 --> 01:48:10.671 I hope I'm bloody godmother. - Cue the fucking weather. 1304 01:48:11.717 --> 01:48:13.217 Listen I... 1305 01:48:16.845 --> 01:48:19.054 I owe you an apology. 1306 01:48:20.261 --> 01:48:23.268 I know I haven't behaved very well in all of this. 1307 01:48:25.301 --> 01:48:26.914 No, it's okay. 1308 01:48:51.846 --> 01:48:53.138 Hello. 1309 01:49:16.638 --> 01:49:19.470 Say hello to our beautiful boy. 1310 01:49:21.970 --> 01:49:24.178 Go ahead. - Thank you. 1311 01:49:39.386 --> 01:49:41.138 Let's see who you are. 1312 01:49:41.140 --> 01:49:43.262 Isn't he perfect? - Yes. 1313 01:50:04.930 --> 01:50:06.178 Hello. 1314 01:50:10.306 --> 01:50:12.094 I'm so sorry I'm late, Bridge. 1315 01:50:12.096 --> 01:50:14.306 Some lesbians are having a stupid all night march. 1316 01:50:14.308 --> 01:50:16.511 Actually, they're marching in aid of free speech. 1317 01:50:16.513 --> 01:50:19.031 It's rather important. - My God, look at him. 1318 01:50:19.033 --> 01:50:20.262 Bridge. 1319 01:50:21.222 --> 01:50:24.722 I'm so sorry that we weren't here. There's an unbelievably long march. 1320 01:50:24.724 --> 01:50:26.970 Actually, the march is critical... - Can I be godfather? 1321 01:50:27.094 --> 01:50:29.514 Oh, I'm depending on you. 1322 01:50:30.014 --> 01:50:31.930 Oh, congratulations. - Well done. 1323 01:50:31.932 --> 01:50:33.568 Thank you very much. - Well done. 1324 01:50:33.570 --> 01:50:35.222 Well done, both of you. - To all of you. 1325 01:50:35.346 --> 01:50:36.886 Where is she? 1326 01:50:36.888 --> 01:50:39.970 I'm so sorry we didn't get here on time. Daddy's parking the car. 1327 01:50:39.972 --> 01:50:44.027 There's some march for women's rights. I mean, honestly, do we need any more rights? 1328 01:50:45.222 --> 01:50:46.886 Mom, meet your new grandson. 1329 01:50:49.514 --> 01:50:52.346 The darling. He looks just like... 1330 01:50:55.970 --> 01:51:00.484 Not that it matters, but... do we know who the daddy is yet? 1331 01:51:03.138 --> 01:51:04.514 Shall we find out? 1332 01:51:06.722 --> 01:51:08.722 Come on, you two. Time for a little test. 1333 01:51:09.722 --> 01:51:12.806 It's so exciting, isn't it? It's like the final of the X Factor or something. 1334 01:51:12.808 --> 01:51:17.183 Dial 01 if you want it to be Mark and 02 if you want it to be Jack. 1335 01:51:31.846 --> 01:51:34.138 Well, good luck. - You too. 1336 01:51:40.806 --> 01:51:42.386 Please. - Thank you. 1337 01:53:03.222 --> 01:53:05.999 You look beautiful. - Thank you. 1338 01:53:06.594 --> 01:53:09.336 Hello darling. Hello. 1339 01:53:09.886 --> 01:53:11.552 Hello. 1340 01:53:21.346 --> 01:53:24.340 Hello. - Hi. 1341 01:53:27.806 --> 01:53:31.898 We're really doing this. - No going back now. 1342 01:53:32.470 --> 01:53:37.474 We are gathered here to celebrate the union of Bridget Rose Jones... 1343 01:53:37.970 --> 01:53:41.054 and Mark Fitzwilliam Darcy. 1344 01:53:42.806 --> 01:53:47.237 Aand by the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you... 1345 01:53:47.762 --> 01:53:51.491 finally, husband and wife. 1346 01:54:34.470 --> 01:54:37.274 Jack, what on earth are you doing with my son? 1347 01:54:37.374 --> 01:54:40.174 Well, don't leave me alone with him again. 1348 01:54:40.176 --> 01:54:43.509 I have no idea what I'm doing. - Is he traumatized? 1349 01:54:50.886 --> 01:54:55.945 Hallo, William Jones-Darcy. Are you ready? 1350 01:54:58.346 --> 01:55:01.222 Some champagne for you? - Yes please. 1351 01:55:02.554 --> 01:55:07.253 Dear Diary. And so, I, Bridget Jones ... 1352 01:55:07.386 --> 01:55:11.899 am a singleton no more. Married? Yes. 1353 01:55:12.178 --> 01:55:15.962 Smug? Well, it's about time, so... 1354 01:55:16.306 --> 01:55:18.222 maybe just a little. 1355 01:55:19.305 --> 01:55:25.401 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org