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Now as you know, the election results are in and as predicted...
...Senator Gary Hubs is our new president elect.
President Hubs says that the first thing on his agenda...
...is going to be waging a new war in the Middle East.
And I have to admit that maybe it's the right way to go.
The threat of terrorism looms larger than ever in America.
In fact, this week, Homeland Security updated the color-coded warning system...
...that the bush administration created after 9/11.
The old warning levels were... Low.
Guarded. Elevated.
High. And severe.
Now, the updated warning levels are going to be...
...Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Be freaking terrified. Shit's about to hit the fan.
And you know what, you're pretty much fucked.
Anyway, enough of this political nonsense, let's bring out the fart Machine.
Oh, man.
Why are you watching this?
I don't know. It's funny.
Why are you drawing that?
- I don't know. - I don't know either but it worries me.
Donna.
- What are you doing? - Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Salt.
How many glasses is that for you?
- One. - Two.
- It's three. - Whatever. Jesus drank wine.
Carl says we're this close to landing a deal.
You know what that would mean? A government contract in the Middle East during a war?
That's great, honey. Kip, eat your food.
Well, I think the war is wrong.
Yeah? Well, regardless of what you think, it's going to happen.
And somebody's got to be there to clear up the mess.
And what is this? What are you doing with this?
- You've got to stop it with this. - I don't know why he's doing that.
A deer?
Sally.
Hey, Sally.
- What are you doing? - Yeah? I'm taking a break.
Well, your break's over, come over and look at this.
Now, what do you think of when you look at that?
- The Second World War? - Really? Why does it make you think of that?
It makes me think of the worst thing I can imagine.
- And that would be the holocaust. - Isn't every war a holocaust?
Yeah, that's true. Do you want to see what I'm working on?
No. Do you think it needs more red?
I think I read somewhere that the color red...
...evokes a sense of anxiety in the spectator.
Yes, so?
So, if somebody was going to buy this and hang it up on their wall...
...they might not be able to relax.
So what, painters shouldn't use red so the whole fucking world can relax more?
Well, wouldn't the world be a better place if we could all just relax?
Sally...
...get me another bottle of red.
- Goodnight, Kippie. - Goodnight, Mom.
Messy boy.
- Mess, mess, mess. - Sorry.
Why do you have the need to draw this stuff?
It's fun.
Not really.
Drawing is something you do in kindergarten to get out of your system.
You need to stop.
- Lots of people do it for a living though. - Not really.
Not if you want to be taken seriously. Art isn't a real thing, Kip.
- What do you mean? - I had a friend in college who painted.
- Was she good? - She thought she was.
God, she was so full of herself.
Maybe I could go to art school some day.
Well, you know, I will support whatever you want to do.
As long as it means going to Yale and studying in the financial sector.
- Goodnight, Kip. - Goodnight, Dad.
Come on, honey. Let him sleep. He's too big to get tucked in.
I'm not tucking him in. I'm just hanging out.
It's cool to hang out with your mom, isn't it, Kip?
Sure.
Sweetheart, you can be anything you want, okay?
Just don't be, you know... this.
Let's go.
Oh, my God. You know what? I studied finance in college.
Yeah, well, you were undecided until senior year, and then you dropped out.
Well, you give up certain things to be a mother.
And being a mother entitles you to some things...
- ...like hanging out with your son. - Let's go to bed.
Goodnight, Mom.
Goodnight, honey.
- I need you. - But it's humiliating.
- Excuse me, it pays the bills. - Right.
- It's the only thing that pays the bills. - So, somebody has to be the breadwinner.
- Why is it always me? - Because you're more masculine.
- I'm not masculine. - I didn't say you were masculine.
- I said you're more masculine than I am. - How am I more masculine than you?
Well, I mean, many ways. But you like to strap on the dildo all the time.
- You are helping me tomorrow. - I'm not. I can't.
It's going to exhaust my brain. I can't break my spirit like that.
- I can't take it anymore. - Oh, God.
I'm working 12 hours a day at the studio. It's going to pay off.
You just have to just ride it out with me a little bit.
- Ride it out? Really? - Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah? You really think that painting shit like this is going to pay off?
- What? - What the hell is this?
- That painting? It's the cycle of life. - Yeah.
- The cycle of life? - That's the end of the cycle.
- What? - I'm not happy.
This isn't fair.
Okay, okay.
This collector. He's coming to the studio tomorrow.
He's supposedly really rich and he's, like, eccentric.
- Are we still religious? - Not really.
- Then why do we still pray? - Just in case.
Are we going to war again with the Middle East?
- Yes. - Why?
Because they won't do what we say.
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Salt. - No, don't apologize.
You're right.
Sweetheart, if someone bigger and better than you tells you to do something, do it.
Why?
Because their knowledge is what made them bigger and better.
How's that for a freaking birthday present.
It was a very encouraging email, don't you think?
Yeah, you bet your sticky sweet ass.
Okay, I'll see you tonight, buddy.
Good morning.
It's a beautiful, beautiful day.
- A beautiful, beautiful day. - You're in a good mood.
Well, we just got a very encouraging email from Phil Price at the Pentagon.
He's the head of the committee for defense contractors.
Oh, that sounds promising.
Can you imagine if we land this contract tonight of all nights? Karl's birthday?
- Wouldn't that be great? - That would be great.
I'm am praying this deal goes through. Praying.
- Oh, Jesus. Donna? - Oh, I've got it, Mr. Salt.
Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you. I'm just such a klutz.
- Jesus. - Not a problem.
- It's so shocking, your work. - You meant that as a compliment.
It's positively vulgar.
- But in a good way. - Oh, thanks.
I do think most of us are in some sort of stupor.
Clueless consumers with lobotomies.
Yeah, consumerism is a big part of my work.
- You've heard of Black Friday. - Of course.
You've seen the videos of people storming the stores like rabid cattle.
Yeah, right. Like rabid cattle.
But this work.
This work seems to say... wake up!
Right. That's my hope. To wake people up.
Very interesting.
Of course, I could never hang any of this on my wall.
My wife would never allow it.
Maybe you should show your wife who wears the pants.
Ashley, be reasonable. This is the kind of work that could drive someone mad.
What? Because of the red? Come on, I do other paintings. I could use yellow.
It's not... it's not the red. It's the subject matter. It's insane.
Isn't our state of unawareness insane?
Don't we need insanity to pull us out of our current insanity?
This is interesting.
What is this?
- Excuse me. - Oh, yeah.
- Do you draw these bunnies? - Oh, yeah.
Why do you express yourself in this way?
- What are you talking about? - Well, these blue bunnies.
They're so sincere, and so hopeful.
Bunnies are cute.
And they're sexual but unthreatening.
Don't drink tonight.
That's a strange request.
Well, it's not a request. Just don't drink tonight.
What do you mean? It's a party. You're supposed to drink at these things.
This is a very important night. I don't want you to embarrass me.
- What do you mean? - You know what I mean.
No, but you're implying that I'm embarrassing when I drink.
Yeah.
Stanley, do I embarrass you?
When you drink too much, Veronica, yes, you embarrass me.
Why are you telling me this now? I thought you liked it when I drink.
Why would I like it when you drink?
Come on. A party without alcohol. It might as well be AA.
- Maybe you should go home. - Okay, Stanley, what is your problem?
You're on very thin ice right now...
...and it cracks every time you put a glass of wine down your throat.
- What is that supposed to mean? - What do you think it means?
I have no idea. You never speak in metaphors.
Just go home and I'll tell Karl that you got sick or something.
But I'm not sick.
Stanley, are you unhappy?
- Stanley, answer the question. - Look at me. Do I look happy?
- Maybe you're happy on the inside? - I am not happy, Veronica.
Babe... what are you doing?
Just stuffing your face? Babe, I need your help. Please, take this.
- I love you. Go. - I'm sorry.
Stop it.
You made a mess in here.
You want one?
- What are you doing? Go. - I'm sorry.
...it's that much. Let it be bigger. The more the merrier.
- The bigger the war, the better, as far... - You're going to need more employees.
- That's the understatement of the year. - You'll just hire the locals?
I can do whatever the hell I want. I'm captain of the ship. More. Less. It doesn't matter.
That makes sense.
I'm just glad that the wealthy democrats are finally coming around.
Come on. There's no such thing as wealthy democrats.
This culture was built on the backs of hard-working entrepreneurs.
- There he is, the birthday boy. - Oh, I love him!
- How are you? You look great! - So do you. My God.
- That's beautiful. How are you? - I'm really, really good.
It's silky. It's silky.
I'm not... I'm not good at this. I think I should get out of here.
Forget the decapitated heads and shit. I'll do flowers. I'll paint flowers.
- I'll get us money. - Baby. Baby.
Just stand behind the bar and serve drinks, okay? Everything's going to be alright.
Serve some drinks.
- So, how's Kip? - Oh, he's great.
- He's wonderful. - May I offer you a drink?
- I'm fine. Thank you. - Are you sure?
What is that actually? Is it a Cab?
More champagne.
Cheers.
Spit this out.
I need another one of these.
- Yeah, red. - Yeah.
Jesus, you look like someone I went to college with.
Lucky you.
Jesus, you look just like her.
Hi, Veronica.
Oh, my freaking God. Ashley?
Oh, my God!
Holy shit, I can't believe it.
What have you been up to? I mean, besides this?
Oh, this? Yeah, I'm helping out a friend.
- No, of course. I wasn't judging you. - No, no. I know.
I mean, I waited tables once for a week.
Maybe it was a day. Wait, no...
...I didn't. Are you... are you in New York?
Yep.
I had no idea. I've never seen you. So, where are you?
Bushwick.
Of course.
We have an apartment in Soho.
And a little place in the Hamptons.
Cool.
Oh, my God, this is so crazy. This is my husband's party.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, yeah.
He's over there with his, you know, big shot business partner.
They're like, gonna close a really big account.
Oh, cool. That's cool. Which one is he?
He's... see those two guys by the couch?
Yeah.
He's the tall handsome one.
For real?
I thought those guys were gay.
They were acting so gay. Like gay, gay, gay, gay. They were like...
- Why would you think that? - No, nothing, I'm kidding. He's great.
- He's so lovely. - Yeah, my husband's not gay.
- We have a son. A beautiful son. - No, I know. Don't get offended.
Honestly, it was a joke. He's really... handsome.
Yeah. Yeah.
So, what about you? Are you married?
Oh, no. Wait. Yes. You're right. Because you're gay, right?
Yeah, you remembered?
Of course, I remembered.
That's when...
...I stopped hanging out with you.
Really?
I... I...
...you know, I pretty much remembered that I stopped hanging out with you.
You know what... okay, hold on a second. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I didn't stop hanging out with you because you were gay.
- Oh, my God. - It's just... it's just...
I had to, you know, make that call.
Anyway. What is your story now? Are you still doing that art thing you do?
The art thing?
- Yeah, I'm still doing the art thing. - Yeah, the painting thing?
Yeah, that painting thing. I still do it. Yeah.
- Really, you stayed with it? - I stayed with it?
You don't just stay with it. It's your life commitment.
What am I talking about this for? I can't even believe it.
My son, he wants to be an artist.
Oh, God, I'm trying to talk him out of it.
And why would you do that?
Why do you think?
Hey, everybody, everybody. Listen up. Listen up. Listen up. I know we're here...
- Oh, that's good news. - ...to celebrate Karl's birthday.
But what better gift than to announce that we, us, our company...
...will be handling all the debris disposal...
...throughout the Middle East construction faze of this war.
Raise a glass to trash.
- Hey. - Oh, my trash man.
Oh, you're making us rich? You're making us rich.
- Veronica, you're drunk. - Oh. No, babe. I'm totally not.
- You're hammered. - I'm totally fine.
And I asked you not to drink. You need to go home.
- What? - Now.
I'll see you at home. Just... just go home. Okay?
Okay.
You are going to be very busy.
- God, watch it. - You watch it.
- What are you doing? - What the fuck are you doing?
Why are you standing in the middle of the fucking stairwell?
- I'm just standing here. - Oh, my God. Are you smoking pot?
- Oh, you're pathetic. - Oh, my God.
You're pathetic. What are you? You're a fucking caterer, Ashley.
- You're a fucking trophy wife, Veronica. - I am a mother.
Oh, man, I feel sorry for your fucking kid.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Don't touch me.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Karl
Happy birthday, to you
We're approaching the two year anniversary...
...of the new war in the Middle East. It seemed to be going well, at first.
Then, the president did something nobody saw coming.
He reinstated the draft.
I know, I know, I know. Very, very unpopular move at first.
But as the president predicted...
...the draft is having a positive affect on the economy.
In fact, the president's poll numbers are actually surging...
...in parts of the south and midwest.
Well, that's what happens when you force blacks and latinos to leave the country.
The hillbillies just love you.
Anyway, anyway, enough of this political nonsense.
Let's bring out the fart Machine.
Oh, my. Oh, Mrs. Salt?
You're awake?
Doctor! Doctor! We need a doctor!
My name is Doctor Jones and I'm the comatose doctor at Mercy General.
The comatose doctor?
Yes, I specialize in comatose patients here at the hospital.
Okay.
I know this is going to come as a bit of a shock, Mrs. Salt...
...but you've been in a coma for two years.
What?
You've been in a coma for two years.
I know, I heard you the first time, but... what?
You've suffered a massive brain injury...
...and frankly, we didn't think you were going to come out of it.
But I'm happy that you regained consciousness when you did.
We've been unable to withdraw funds from your bank, actually...
...and we were in the process of moving you to another facility.
But I have health insurance.
Actually, you had a government issued health policy...
...and those were discontinued last year.
We've been pulling funds directly from your savings account.
But that doesn't make any sense. My family is rich.
There should be plenty of funds to pull from.
Mrs. Salt. I have some bad news.
Mr. Salt is dead.
What... what? How?
A terrible accident.
Where's Kip?
I need to see my son. Where's Kippy?
Mrs. Salt, I don't know how to tell you this.
What?
Your son is dead, too.
What?
Are you joking? What? This can't be happening.
- This is a... what is going on? - It's okay. It's okay.
- What is... this is a nightmare. - It's okay.
- I'll go get her a sedative. - Can you get me one, too?
I need one as well. I'll be right back.
This isn't happening. This can't be happening.
- Yeah, but it is. - No, it's not.
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Salt. I'm so sorry. - Wait. My son is dead?
- Yes. - How?
- He died in the war. - The war. My son died in the war.
- How long have I been asleep again? - Two years.
Two years. That means that Kip is only 17, he's too young to serve in the military.
They lowered the age to serve to 16.
- My own son was drafted. - What? How can they do that?
It was something the Congress decided.
They said if you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to kill.
- How old is the drinking age then? - It's still 21.
This must be so much of a shock to you.
I'm sorry. You... no family, no home, and you're broke.
But you're awake. And you look great.
What do you mean, I'm broke?
It's all gone. Didn't you hear the doctor?
They used all your assets to pay for the hospital.
I don't understand.
I don't have anything?
Oh, I have a small box of your belongings.
I saved them for you.
Oh, my God, Donna. Oh, my God, Donna. Hold my hand, please.
Donna, hold my hand. What am I going to do?
Oh, my God, Donna. What am I going to do?
I can't tell you what it means to me.
I'm so grateful that you've been by my side this whole time.
Well, that's not quite true.
I work for the hospital.
They hired me last week.
I clean the rooms.
How much is this one?
Excuse me.
- Yeah. - How much for this piece?
Oh, this one sold already this morning.
- What about this one? - That one sold, too.
Well, if they're sold, why haven't you put the little red stickers on them?
Oh, yeah.
They've been selling so fast that sometimes I just forget about them.
Her work is very grim.
Yeah, it's pretty grim.
These are grim times.
Yeah.
Has everything sold?
No. We have one left. Follow me.
- There it is. - Is that what I think it is?
What do you think it is?
A decapitated sperm.
Yes, that's it. It's a decapitated sperm.
- How much? - Five thousand.
I'll take it.
Thank you, friend.
There's not as much as last time.
Yeah, can't really control that though.
Open up.
Okay.
- Okay. - More.
Oh, man. If I open up any more you could go spelunking down there.
- Okay. Ready? - Yeah.
I have a good feeling about this.
- Get your legs up. - Okay.
What if I'm too old?
That's not what the doctor said.
How could you possibly be infertile?
It's okay. We're going to be mommies.
Mommies.
The last time I had sperm in me was in the 2nd grade.
You can't make jokes like that when the baby comes.
What if this baby has two heads?
Well, then he'll breastfeed on both breasts simultaneously.
Come on, Veronica. You're doing so good.
Just take one step. And then, after that... you take another step.
Is that how you do it? You take one step and then another? Really?
Yeah. It's like riding a bike, remember?
Is that how you ride a bike? You take one step and then another.
Okay, Veronica. Try and stay positive. It's a beautiful day.
- Please don't say that. - Why?
- My husband used to say that. - Sorry.
- I was just trying to keep things positive. - It's hard feeling positive at the moment.
- I understand that. - You know, I don't think you do.
- My husband blew his head off with a shotgun. - That's a terrible thing to think about.
Why don't we focus on you putting one foot in front of the other.
- My son is dead. Did you know that? - I know.
He probably got his head blown off, too.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be insensitive.
My only living relative is a madwoman living in a cabin in Maine. My life sucks.
- Who is this relative? - My aunt.
- I was told you didn't have any family. - I haven't spoken to her in years.
She's crazy, like... like, Courtney love crazy.
- I understand that, but you should call her. - Oh, no way. I can't do that.
- I think you should. - Why?
Because you can't stay here anymore.
No, I'm not ready to leave.
- This is your last day? - What?
I know you're angry.
I know you're upset.
I feel it, too.
Sometimes I get so angry I want to torpedo the world.
Oh, but just breathe. Just breathe.
Just keep those tentacles where they are.
- Hello. - Aunt Charlie? It's Veronica.
- Veronica? - How are you doing?
I'm rotting away, Veronica.
What do you want?
I don't suppose you heard the news? What happened?
Fuck the news. They don't report on what's really happening, Veronica.
Charlie, I need a place to stay.
They only report on things that happen above the surface. That's not the issue.
It's below us. Inside the earth. Deep down to the core.
- The big mutiny is happening down there. - Listen, Charlie. Listen to me. I need...
Listen to me, Veronica. I'm trying to assuage her. But she's not happy.
Pretty soon, she's going to blow, and when that happens...
- ...tentacles the size of skyscrapers... - Okay, good-bye, Aunt Charlie.
Lunatic.
So, you sold all the work?
Yeah. Yeah.
- Very impressive. - Thanks.
- I was wrong about you. - Well, yeah.
No, the war has changed the country's mindset.
The draft has made people accept the horrors of war and...
...you're capitalizing on it.
Well, I wouldn't say I was capitalizing on it.
I'm expressing the collective dread of the country.
More like exploiting the dread, but...
I wouldn't put it that way.
I'm merely expressing what I feel, and then I'm putting it...
Excuse me? Are you still painting the bunnies?
Excuse me. Excuse me. Are you still painting those bunnies?
Oh, yeah.
- She's... she's adorable. - Yeah.
So hopeful. I love her work, too.
Yeah, you should look at it at her studio. Oh, yeah, she doesn't have one.
I remember what she said. She said, "Bunnies are sexual yet innocent."
You can talk to her about that later.
I don't remember anything and I remember that.
Sally.
Sally, is that a blue label?
What? Are you using blue labels?
- Is this a blue fucking label? - Oh, yeah.
- You're putting a blue label on my art? - Yeah.
Yeah. What, do you think I like blue?
- I hate blue. - I didn't know that.
Well, you should have known that. Do I use blue in my art?
- Well, there's... - No, I don't, actually. Do I?
So why would I want it on my fucking box?
Don't you think when people open up my box, they see blue, they think of blue.
That's a bit of a travesty, don't you think?
- I don't know. - Yeah, yeah. What?
- I don't know. - Yes. You know. You fucking know.
If there aren't any white labels, you go to the store...
...you walk your fucking butt out to the store and you get more white labels.
You don't use blue labels. Blue is fucking cute.
My work isn't cute. The world isn't cute.
Cute isn't truthful.
Blue isn't truthful. Blue is fucking bullshit, Sally.
You get it? You understand?
Tell me you understand. Do you fucking understand that blue isn't fucking cute?
- Hello? - I... yes.
Tell me you know blue isn't fucking cute, Sally.
I understand.
- Blue is bullshit. - I get it.
Take the fucking blue label off your fucking box and go get some white ones.
In the meantime, take off that blue fucking shirt.
You fucking shithead.
I'm sorry my place is so small, Mrs. Salt.
But you can stay on the couch as long as you like.
Donna, call me Veronica. Please.
If you want, you can sleep in my bed, and I can sleep on the couch.
Why would you do that?
I just feel so bad for you.
This world doesn't make sense sometimes.
- But it's all part of God's plan. - I wish he would've planned better.
I have something for you.
This is yours.
- What's in here? - Pictures. Drawings.
Memories.
You know, I'm not sure if I'm going to open it right now.
- No, of course. I'll leave you alone. - No, you don't have to do that. I just...
You know, I'm going to open it later. It feels like a nice bottle of wine.
I should open it on a special occasion.
Yes.
Wine.
I like wine. I forgot.
Would you like some wine?
I could pour you a glass.
Oh, no. That's okay. I'd rather just rest if that's okay.
I'm very tired.
- Why are you doing this? - I'm being a good Christian.
When I think of how little we paid you, it's embarrassing.
You gave me enough.
I was able to provide for my son.
- You have a son. - Yes, you know this already.
Where is he?
- He's fighting? - Is he a boxer?
- He's a soldier. - A soldier. Right. That makes sense.
He got drafted.
Kip got drafted, too.
No, Kip did not get drafted.
What do you mean?
He volunteered.
- You're pregnant. - Oh, my God.
- Are you positive? - I'm positive. You're 8 weeks along.
- Oh, my God. - I'm shaking.
Is it bad to be shaking? Is it normal to be shaking after eight weeks?
It's completely normal. You're just excited. It's all good.
How is it possible? How is this possible?
It's totally possible. I'm positive.
You can... you can kiss. Yeah.
You're going to be a good mommy.
You sure you want to do this?
Donna, I'm broke. I'm not qualified to do anything else.
You don't have any rich New York friends that can get you a job?
- Isn't that how it works? - I never really had any friends.
You look very pretty in your uniform.
Thank you. You look nice, too.
Do you know how to make a bed?
Of course, Donna. What do you think I am, a moron?
No. I just thought maybe it was beneath you.
I must have been such a jerk before.
You weren't a jerk. You had a lot of money.
And it's human nature for people to think they're above this kind of thing.
Yeah, well.
When you hit rock bottom, there's nothing really beneath you, is there?
- Rock? - Yeah. Rock.
Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.
This piece sucks, too. I hate this piece.
- Hey, Sally! - Yeah.
I can't stand the lines you're draw... they're too thick.
I asked you to draw a nice precise line...
...over the lines that I already drew.
You're my assistant, you've got to assist me.
You've got to help me do it. Just a nice thin line. Loosen your hand.
- Draw the line. - Yeah, yeah. I mean, I know.
I just thought for this one, the thicker line looked a little bit better.
Sometimes I want to punch you in the face.
- I'll do it good. I'll try... - I don't care. I don't care. It sucks.
Sometimes...
Alright, Sally. Sally, bring me the pink. Bring me the pink paint.
Face color. Nat... you know, face. Face. Sometimes I want to punch you in the face.
Sometimes I want to punch you... Get over here and bring me that fucking paint!
Sometimes I want to punch you in the face.
Good.
Housekeeping.
- Oh, I'm sorry. - No, no, no, no. You can come in now.
I will sit on the floor. I won't be in your way.
That's okay. I can just give you these clean towels.
I have no need for clean towels. I'm going to pay you to come in and clean.
I will sit on the floor. I will do my stretches, my kegel exercises.
I'll watch you work. You clean the room.
- And I'll give you one hundred dollars. - No, that's okay. Here.
Not bad.
What do you think?
- It's really good. - It's a fucking masterpiece.
Well, the tone in Washington right now is very somber.
We lost another 600 troops this week.
The military has responded with an onslaught of carpet bombs and bunker busters.
We're not clear how many civilian casualties have resulted from the campaign, but...
...does it really matter?
Let's bring out the fart Machine.
- I spoke to my son today. - Oh, that's nice.
- He's getting a month leave from the war. - Oh, that's wonderful.
You must worry about him.
Always.
I don't know what it's like over there, but I imagine the worst.
Well, no one seems to be taking it seriously over here.
I think people are taking it very seriously.
What, with the fart Machine? That's all everyone watches.
Well, it's good to laugh.
Do you think people are laughing in the Middle East?
This is a war on terror.
What does that even mean, Donna?
There is no war on terror. It's not even real.
Do you know what I was doing during the war on drugs?
Getting stoned.
You dishonor your son.
- It's weird. - No, it's not.
- It is so weird, I'm telling you. - I'm just practicing.
The more prepared we are, the better parents we'll be.
- It's creepy as fuck. - Don't swear in front of the baby.
Would you stop? The baby doesn't even have ears yet.
It's probably going to be born without ears.
- I wish you'd stop saying things like that. - I think you're being way too premature.
- And you're being immature. - Immature? Really?
- You're walking around with a fake baby. - I'm excited, Ashley.
It's just that you're being unrealistic.
You're making all these preparations, what happens if the baby falls through?
Then we've got all this crap that just...
I don't know, reminds us of the one that got away.
When the baby comes...
...she's going to be beautiful, and healthy.
Even if she has two heads and no ears, I don't care.
What if it's a he?
Then he'll be an idiot like all the rest...
...but we'll love him all the same.
- Mommy's just scared. - Oh, creepy.
It's so cute. Thank you, Rose.
Of course.
But it says, "10 percent polyester."
A baby's skin can't touch polyester.
I'm so sorry.
It's so cute though. Thank you.
- I put the gift receipt in the bag. - Oh, great. I'll return it.
- Thank you, Rachel. - It's from me.
Look.
It teaches you to crawl. The baby to crawl.
Where did you get it?
This summer when Doug and I were traveling in the tiniest, cutest little shop...
...this artist makes everything by hand.
Didn't you say that you and Doug went to China this summer?
Yeah. That's where I got it.
Rachel. China?
We have terrible standards here. But China? There's like, no standards.
Oh, honey, this is a renown artist. You've nothing to worry about.
Well, I'm sure he knows nothing about not using lead paint.
- Who knows what's in this thing? - It was really expensive.
So is getting your stomach pumped.
This paper is recycled.
Thanks, Christie.
- Oh, what's this? - It's a baby monitor.
It's for if you're outside or in the other room, you can hear him crying or...
But it says, "WiFi."
- Yeah. - I don't trust WiFi around the baby.
All those electronic signals, it's not good for the little baby's developing brain.
I'm pretty sure it's safe, Lisa. I mean, they wouldn't release it to the public...
Well, look at all the things they release to the public.
I actually used one when I had Sam and it's fine.
- You need one. - A lot of them are wireless.
Yeah.
Didn't you say that Sam didn't do very well in first grade?
That they almost held him back?
He just wasn't ready to be around children at that time.
Well, maybe if he hadn't been exposed to...
...WiFi at such an early age, maybe he would've done better.
- Excuse me. Excuse me. - Yes.
- Do you clean the rooms on this floor? - Yes.
Did you take that magazine out of my room?
- What? - The magazine in your pocket...
- ...this is my magazine. - No, it's not.
I am in room 412. Did you clean room 412?
I manage the housekeepers on this floor.
The only ones who actually clean the rooms are the Mexicans.
- So you bought this magazine? - Of course, I did.
- What are you, an art collector? - Maybe.
This is my magazine. Yeah, yeah. You see this circle?
- I circled that quote. - Really? Why did you do that?
Because she speaks to me. Because she's a fucking genius.
Well, I don't think she's a genius. My son draws better than her.
I wonder what else you stole from my room.
It's just a magazine. If you're staying here, you can probably afford another one.
Well, that doesn't entitle you to take what's mine.
No. I'm not entitled. You are the entitled one.
Why? Because I'm rich?
- Because I'm white? - No. Because you're a dick.
I hate it, okay. No, put it here for one second.
Let me see it. I need yellow next to the debris.
If there's one here, a little bit smaller.
- Ashley. - Yes.
Indieart magazine is here. They want to interview you.
Indieart. They never wanted to interview me before, now they're here.
Tell them to go fuck themselves. I'm kidding. Of course, I'm kidding.
Would you bring them in please? Oh, the pressure, you guys.
I can't believe it. I've been under a rock for so long.
So misunderstood and fucking ignored.
- Okay, I... - Ashley.
Leave that wall for a second and let's come over here...
- ...and start looking at some... - Ashley.
- ...some... sorry. Excuse me. - This is Indieart.
- Hi. - Hi. Frederic. Indieart.
- I'm Ashley. So nice to meet you. - How are you? Let's get right to it.
Okay.
I'm home, Mom.
- I'm home. - Look at you. All in one piece.
It must be so dangerous over there.
It is.
It's supposed to be.
They should respect us.
They'll be more respectful of us, when we're more respectful of them.
Well, when someone's pointing a gun at you, what choice do you have?
- What do you mean? - You have to respect them.
So, my mom used to work for you?
Yeah.
And exactly how long do you plan on staying here?
She'll be going to her aunt's in a few days, right?
- Yes. - You bought that bus ticket already?
Yes.
Wait... what are you... what are... what are you doing?
I'm painting these walls. There's no way we're keeping these walls red.
- Well, why not? - Why do you think?
Can we just wait until the baby's born, maybe then we can decide whether or not...
- ...we want to change the walls. - No.
Because this red reminds me of a miscarriage.
Is that what you want? Miscarriage red?
Is that a color? That's what I want. I want miscarriage red for our walls.
- I hate these walls. - Since when?
- Since always. They freak me out. - You know what freaks me out?
You obsessing over a baby that isn't even born yet.
Do you know that every single time you have this little thing on your chest...
...it makes me want to jump out of a window. This is a fake baby.
- It's a fake baby. - It's my baby.
- Give me my baby. - This is a fake baby!
- Let go of the baby! Let go of the baby! - Give it to me! It's a fake baby!
- It's not a fake baby! - It is a fake baby!
It's my baby! Give me my baby.
- I hate you. - Fucking fake baby.
I hate you. She didn't mean it. She didn't mean it.
Thank you.
And how many nights are you going to be staying here?
- A couple. - Yeah?
- And where are you visiting from? - Nowhere?
- What's that? - Nowhere.
Did you say nowhere?
Yeah. I just said "nowhere." What are you, deaf?
I... yeah. I...
...I am actually. I lost 80% of my hearing when I was a teenager...
...because my dad wasn't a very "nice man".
Here are your keys.
- Room twelve. - I didn't know. I didn't know.
Have a great night.
I also have psoriasis...
...all along the inside of my thigh.
So, if you want to make fun of that, too.
No.
And... I have ringworm.
On my genitals.
Ringworm.
You ever heard of "Ring around the collar?"
- Yep. - I have "Ring around the scrotum."
- Okay. Okay. - Just try to be nicer to people.
Hi, Mom. It's me.
You've been asleep now for about six months.
I don't know what happened the night you fell down the stairs...
...but I have been thinking a lot about my life since then.
And I got accepted into art school...
...but I'm enlisting in the War Effort instead.
I'm shipping off to the Middle East tomorrow.
I thought about what you said about making a difference...
...and I think I can make more of a difference making peace over there...
...than making art over here.
So, I love you, Mom.
And I... I will see you when I get back.
- Hey. Have you seen Lisa? - Oh, no.
Where the fuck is she? Is she coming? Lisa, where are you?
Really? You're not going to show up?
Call me back.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
It's brilliant.
It's radiant. Really.
Radiant? Now come on, nobody's ever said that about my work.
It really is, Ashley. And you're radiant. You're positively glowing.
Maybe there's a reason. I don't know.
Why don't you tell me about that one over there.
- Sure. Yeah. Which? - This one right here.
- I haven't seen all the work... - Yeah.
...but I just gravitate to this one.
- Yeah. One of my favorites. - I'm thinking about buying it.
It's not for sale... I don't know if I'm going to sell it, actually.
Well, you know. Every painting has a price.
Okay. Well. Okay. We can talk about it later.
What inspired it?
Sometimes people just need their ass kicked.
It's like the celebration of life, it's...
I mean, or the human spirit.
I mean, in order to create, you have to destroy the worn out paradigms...
...that prohibit progress, you know. That's what this is about.
This is about... this is what art is for.
This is about changing the world.
That's what this is... to me. I mean, hopefully at that point...
...that would be tough. Because it is. It's like... this is art.
I mean, art is about changing the world.
You're a hack.
Bullshit.
Veronica?
In the flesh, baby cakes. In the flesh.
Knock it off.
Get out of my way! Get out of my way!
This is mine. This is mine!
This is mine!
Fuck. Fuck!
Brilliant.
Hey!
How about this?
Get up!
Oh, my God.
That's all you fucking got?
Fuck you!
Oh, yeah.
Fuck you.
You want another one?
Well, it's official. The war on terror is over.
Yes, incredibly, the draft worked.
Committing millions of troops in the Middle East...
...gave us the competitive edge that we needed to take control and conquer.
And as a result, western culture is spreading like kudzu.
People in the Middle East are watching Netflix. They're using social media.
They're eating fast-food. They're even dropping acid.
And not the kind you throw in people's faces either.
Americans are saying that for the first time since 9/11...
...they feel a real sense of ease and comfort.
In fact, Homeland Security has once again updated its color-coded warning system.
Let's take a look. As you can see, the new status levels are: Safe.
- Oh, my goodness. Doctor! Doctor! - Really safe. Incredibly safe.
And not a fucking care in the world.
My name is Doctor Jones. I'm the comatose doctor at Mercy General.
- The comatose doctor? - Yes, I specialize in comatose patients...
- ...here at the hospital. - Okay.
I know this is going to come as a bit of a shock, Ms. Miller...
...but you've been in a coma for two years.
- What? - You've been in a coma for two years.
- I don't understand. - You've been in a coma for two years.
- If you'll excuse me. - Wait. Where are you going?
I'll come back later when I have more time, but congratulations are in order.
Congratulations?
We were planning on removing your breathing tube so it was a good thing...
- ...that you woke up when you did. - My breathing tube?
Yes, we were using a breathing tube on you.
- Why? - To help you breathe.
But if you were removing it, then that means, that...
- You wouldn't be able to breathe. - Why would you do that?
You're out of money. I'm terribly sorry.
- What? - I've got the runs.
I mean, I've got to run. Excuse me.
This is a joke.
Oh, no, no, this is not a joke.
- Why are you laughing? - Because the doctor farted.
- Where is Lisa? Why isn't she here? - Ashley, listen. You're in shock.
Why did he say I didn't have any money.
Well, you've been in the hospital for two years. That's expensive.
But I have insurance.
You have to renew your insurance every year now and you didn't.
- But why didn't I do it? - Well, you were in a coma.
- But I would still have money. - No. You lost everything.
Wait, what about Lisa? Where are my paintings?
Lisa sold your paintings to pay for the hospital bills.
And then where did she go?
Where did my baby go?
My baby.
I'm sorry.
This can't be happening.
Please tell me this isn't happening. Just hold my hand.
Okay.
You just stood by me all these years. That's so nice.
Yeah, that's actually not true.
What do you mean?
I was just dropping off a box of my comic books to the children's ward...
...and I was walking by this room, and I saw you lying there and I thought...
"Oh, yeah, Ashley's here. I'll stop by." And that's when you woke up.
Wait. You wrote a comic book.
Yeah. Can you believe it?
It's a big success.
People all over the world are reading it.
They're even adapting it into a Hollywood movie.
You know, Ron Howard wants to direct it but I really want David Lynch.
Veronica!
- Hey, I'm here. - Are they here?
- No, Aunt Charlie. Not yet. - They're coming. I can feel it.
I know.
The tentacles are going to rise up from the earth...
...and they're going to destroy all the wretched souls in this place.
I know, Aunt Charlie, but the tentacles aren't here yet.
If I go before they come. You know what you're supposed to do, Veronica.
I know.
Tell me, so I know.
- I'm going to bury you in the garden. - Bury me in the garden.
- I will. - That way, Gia can consume me...
...and then I'll be recycled into the earth, and I can be born again as something else.
- Oh, yes. Our good friend Gia. - The tentacles are coming. They're coming.
That's it. See, you're doing great. Just put one foot in front of the other.
Oh, is that how you walk? Put one foot in front of the other.
You remind me of someone who was here a few years ago.
- My legs feel like linguini. - I love linguini.
You're doing great. This is great.
- Okay. - Alright, just a little...
- That's enough. - Okay, you can't quit.
I'm not quitting. I'll do it again tomorrow.
You won't be here tomorrow. We've got to get you walking out of here today.
What are you... why?
Because this is a for-profit hospital, not a charity. So come on. Al dente.
Oh, God.
Hey, Mom. It's me.
And I started drawing again.
I do think creativity is important.
There's a lot of artists in this town and I love it here.
Wow, this is a nice place.
Yeah, it's pretty small. I'm thinking of buying a place in Bushwick.
Yeah?
You make that much money on a comic book?
Well, yeah. I mean, I sold the rights to Hollywood.
I got really lucky.
I appreciate you letting me stay here.
I feel so bad about what happened to you.
But you can paint in my studio, and you'll be back on your feet in no time.
- You have a studio? - Yeah, it's the same studio that you used.
Do you want some water?
- Do you want something to eat? - No. No. No. Thanks. No.
- Do you want some milk? - I'm good.
- Do you want a cheese sandwich? - I just want a little sleep.
This is Sam.
- You name your tree? - Yeah, of course.
This is Veronica, my niece.
Say "hello" to Sam.
Hello, Sam.
She's nice.
Oh, you're so beautiful.
Isn't it a beautiful day?
He's a good tree.
That's Bernie, he's an oak.
Sweet and grounded.
That's Hilary. Strong but a little untrustworthy.
That's Donald. He's an asshole.
- Ashley, it's just nerves. - Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
You just need to ease your way back into it.
Yep.
Maybe you could help me draw my comic in the meantime.
Oh, I don't think so. I don't think I could do that.
- Sure you could. - Your line work is really...
...precise. I don't think I could do that anymore.
There's no mustard in this.
They forgot the mustard? I don't like to eat turkey without mustard.
In my comic book, the happy blue bunnies love mustard.
That's fuckin'... that's... that's so cute.
Did you get a chance to read it yet?
I...
I want to so bad.
Ashley, will you do me a favor?
Will you run out and get me some mustard?
Aunt Charlie, I made you an omelette.
Aunt Charlie?
It's time to wake up.
Charlie?
Charlie, get up.
Wake up. Wake up...
There you are. You can sleep through anything.
Why do you do that? It's so jarring.
You were lying so still, I just wanted to make sure you weren't dead.
Of course my body is still. What do you expect me to do when I'm sleeping?
- Calisthenics? - Well, it's a beautiful day.
- We should go outside. - Rest is good for the body.
- What are you trying to do, kill me? - Of course not, Aunt Charlie. I just...
Then why are you trying to get me up? I'm trying to sleep.
It's just that I realized today is Kip's birthday.
- Are you okay? - I need some air.
Can you get me a seltzer when you're out?
Fuck.
Fucking seltzer. Fucking shit.
Shit.
- Sally told me you were here. - I can't believe it.
I can't believe it's you.
- Is that yours? - He is, yeah. He is.
His name's Ben.
Hey, Ben.
He's a really, really beautiful... baby.
I'm sorry, Ashley.
I didn't know if you were ever going to wake up.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
And I didn't have any money and I still don't have any money, but...
- I met someone. - Oh, good, good, that's good.
So, what's she like?
He's nice.
I brought this for you. Yeah, I know. You want to go home, I know.
- What is it? - It's just some things I saved.
Anyway, it was nice to see you.
I've got to go.
I'm glad you're okay.
I know, baby. I know.
Why the hell did he join?
I don't know. He believed he was making a difference.
So naive. They think they're fighting for a cause...
...and they're really fighting for the defense industry.
- Young people... they're so stupid. - Oh, my God, I love this one.
His glasses.
We live in a society that doesn't value life, the earth.
Just money. Adults are so stupid.
Okay, well, if the young people are stupid and the adults are stupid...
...who are we supposed to turn to? The babies?
Yes, the babies. Exactly.
You're not serious. Of course, you're serious.
You know why? Because babies...
...as soon as they're conceived, all they are concerned with is life.
Like the earth, like kudzu.
- Developing... growing. - Kudzu is a parasite.
Ashley.
- Wake up. It's time to wake up. - Can I just sleep a little bit longer?
But you've been sleeping so much. I'm getting worried about you.
No, no, no, no. I'm just tired, that's all.
- Do you want to go to my bed and sleep? - No. I don't know. Why?
- Am I in the way? - No, no, you're not.
Just make yourself at home.
But I have to go to the studio, so...
...well, I have a lot of work to do.
But I'll see you when I get back.
Sally.
Yeah.
I'm sorry for how I treated you.
You don't need to apologize.
No, I was a real bitch.
Well, sometimes. But it actually motivated me.
- Really? - Yeah.
I mean, humiliation can cripple some people but it made me work harder.
So, you didn't hate me.
Of course. But...
...sometimes, the best revenge is success.
So, why are you helping me then.
I'm not. I'm taking great joy in seeing you like this.
I mean, your life is over. You can't paint.
You lost your girlfriend. You lost your baby.
What are you doing here?
We have some unfinished business.
Well, that's so dramatic.
- I lost everything because of you. - That's even more dramatic.
It's true.
- I lost everything because of you. - Well, it looks like you're doing okay now.
Do you want a glass of water? You look dehydrated.
I didn't come here to make peace, Veronica.
How did you find me?
- Instinct. - I'm not buying it.
- I followed your smell. - I'm still not buying it.
I found your bus ticket from two years ago.
I'll buy that.
- We don't have to do this, Ashley. - My spirit's broken.
My heart is filled with hate.
I have nothing left to do in this life but destroy you.
Well, why don't you come in and I'll make you some breakfast first.
I haven't eaten.
Come on. I'll make you an omelette.
You love omelettes.
You remembered.
Come on.
How old was he?
He would've been 19 yesterday.
Mine would've been two.
One and a half, I suppose.
I would've never let Kip enlist. I would've stopped him.
But I couldn't.
I was asleep.
You didn't think the war was right?
I never really thought about it being right or wrong. It just made us rich.
It put me on the map.
God, I miss buying things though.
This seems like a pretty good option, dropping out of everything.
Yeah, you know, I never thought I'd love living in a place so remote.
I could never live in the city again.
You don't get lonely?
Actually, no.
This is my aunt's place. She's sleeping in the back room.
- Wait, she's here? - She could sleep through an apocalypse.
No, I'm really lucky to have her. She's my last living relative.
Do you want to see my son?
Sure.
He made these videos for me when he was in the war.
Wow, what a gift.
Yeah, here.
Hey, Mom. I hope you're well and getting a lot of rest.
That was a joke. I actually met this girl a couple of weeks ago.
She's beautiful and amazing...
...and we've been hanging out a lot and going on walks and stuff.
She doesn't really speak that much English but I'm teaching her. So, she...
He's so handsome.
Isn't he?
I was so angry...
...for so long.
But these videos have...
...have saved me. It's like...
...it's like he's still here with me.
- Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. - Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Give me that... give me that napkin. Please, please, please.
- Dry it... dry it off. - Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God, it's going to be fine. - Oh, my God, it's not working.
- Veronica, it's going to be fine. - Oh, my God, it's not fucking working.
- It's going to be fine! - You broke it!
I didn't break...
- Ashley, you fucking broke it. - Look, it's playing! It's playing!
- You broke it. You fucking broke it. - It was an accident, Veronica.
- There's water spilled... - Why are you drinking water near it?
What are you talking about? You put it on the table!
- This is all I have. - What?
- Ashley. - You backed them up?
- Oh, come on. - No, I didn't back it up!
- Surely, you backed up your son's videos! - How? How? Where are we?
What are you talking about? Put it on the cloud!
- I'm in the middle of a fucking cabin. - Are you serious? You didn't back up those...
No, I didn't. How many times do I have to tell you?
Do not fucking blame me for your stupid fucking mistake!
Blame you? You are killing my son all over again.
You bitch!
Fuck you!
Get up. Get up, bitch!
Fuck you!
Look at me! Look at me!
System reboot. System reboot.
I was on this mountain yesterday and I took this landscape...
...I drew this landscape, and I thought it was so peaceful and beautiful...
...and I just wanted to show it to you because it was so...
I think I need to go.
Wake up soon. I love you, Mom.
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