1
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,301
(MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:02:14,662 --> 00:02:16,702
JASON: So I said,
"If opposing counsel's
3
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:19,171
"invoking fiduciary
liability precedent
4
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:20,839
"under the terms of
Landgraf v. Henson,
5
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,909
"Your Honor, please,
by all means, go ahead,
6
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:26,378
"rescind the plaintiff's
de facto petition
7
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:28,247
"for injunctive relief."
(ALL LAUGHING)
8
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,915
It was fun. It was fun. Yeah.
9
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,750
Excuse me, gentlemen.
I'll be right back.
10
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,318
DAVID: So funny.
"Injunctive relief."
11
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,753
That tickled my funny bone.
12
00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:39,224
What's up, Nick? (SIGHS)
13
00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:41,666
Fucking sucks dick
about Grandma, huh?
14
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:44,796
Yeah.
15
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,932
Old woman fucking
murdered like that.
16
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,700
Nick, she had cancer.
17
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,669
That's what they
want you to think.
18
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,305
She had cancer for 10 years.
19
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,874
A little too convenient, Jason.
20
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,744
No, it's not, at all.
21
00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:00,512
We'll never know the truth.
22
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,314
We absolutely know the truth.
Yeah.
23
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,216
Grandma had cancer
for 10 years.
24
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:06,285
You don't just die
from cancer, Jason!
25
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:07,920
It's a conspiracy, man.
26
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,656
Just like 9/11.
27
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,226
Oh, God.
28
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:16,228
For your information,
Grandma is not right here.
29
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,931
Grandma is gone and she
was taken from us.
30
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,732
And we must find the man that did this.
Nick! Nick!
31
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,534
Stop it. Ow, man!
32
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,369
There are Rockport's.
33
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,571
Fuck, man. I just got these.
34
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:26,838
(NICK SCOFFS) Calm down...
35
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,607
I'll see you at the
crossroads, Grandma.
36
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,609
What are you doing? Are you kidding me?
Right now?
37
00:03:31,338 --> 00:03:33,378
Hey, get your shit together!
38
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,947
My dad and my fiancee
39
00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:36,715
are literally standing
right next to us.
40
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,584
Beyonce's here? No.
41
00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:39,785
Your dad and fiancee are
saying yes to Beyonce?
42
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,353
What? No.
43
00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:42,754
Is Jay-Z here, too? No, Nick.
44
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,723
Is Blue Ivy here? Nick. (SIGHS)
45
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,845
I'm in the minority. I think
their kid's gonna be hot.
46
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:48,594
(INHALING)
47
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,476
What is that? Hmm?
48
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,698
What are you doing? I'm just...
49
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:53,632
Are you fucking high right now?
50
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,367
No, this isn't...
51
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:57,236
You're high as a kite!
It's an e-cigarette.
52
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,837
It's filled with a little weed,
but it's an e-cigarette.
53
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,606
Grow up, man!
What are you doing?
54
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:03,609
"Grow up"? How adult are you?
55
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,978
What, do you listen
to NPR in your Volvo?
56
00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:07,879
You play racquetball
competitively
57
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,748
against business associates?
No. No.
58
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,950
You ever go away to a rented
house with other couples
59
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,685
and then play Scattergories
over a bottle of white wine?
60
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,808
Jason.
61
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,123
(STAMMERS) Uh...
62
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:18,991
(EXHALING)
63
00:04:20,474 --> 00:04:22,794
I just blew a shot
at your grandma's memory.
64
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,429
Nick, get it together, right now.
(INHALES)
65
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,431
Lock it up.
66
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:32,404
I'm not hugging you.
67
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:37,156
If I hug you, will you
stop messing around?
68
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:41,281
(SCOFFS)
69
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,855
(BLOWING)
70
00:04:43,916 --> 00:04:45,717
(GASPING)
Crop-dusted, motherfucker.
71
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,286
You just got crop-dusted.
72
00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:48,654
You're high now.
You're high now.
73
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,289
Hey. Get the fuck away from me.
74
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:51,056
Now we're both high at Grandma's funeral.
(COUGHING)
75
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,675
We're bonded for life.
76
00:04:52,676 --> 00:04:55,636
Uncle Dave, I'm sorry, man. It's a
tough day. (CONTINUES COUGHING)
77
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:08,473
(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
78
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:20,968
Poor Grandpa...
79
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,085
Our first reading
is from Deuteronomy 30:19.
80
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:52,684
"This day, I call
the heavens and the earth
81
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,586
"as a witness against you..."
82
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,621
(SIGHS)
83
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:58,590
"...that I have set before you
life and death..."
84
00:05:58,592 --> 00:05:59,925
Hey, babe, I found the tie
you're going to wear
85
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,927
to the rehearsal brunch Sunday.
86
00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:05,397
Do you like the coral
color or the salmon?
87
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:06,565
"...that the race
is not to the swift..."
88
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,400
(WHISPERS) Either one.
89
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:10,603
"...nor the battle
to the strong."
90
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,572
Babe, what's wrong?
91
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:14,906
Coral or salmon?
92
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,642
Well, what do you like?
93
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:19,478
I mean... I like the coral.
94
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,520
That's what
I was going to say, too.
95
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:23,636
Okay, cool. Okay. Okay.
96
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,332
Coral it is!
97
00:06:27,495 --> 00:06:30,055
It's going to be a special day.
98
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:33,158
"...now choose life,"
99
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,120
"so that you and your
children shall live."
100
00:06:39,213 --> 00:06:41,533
Anyway, I'm down
in Valdosta right now.
101
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,101
I opened up
a fucking pet shop...
102
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,536
Not pet shop, "puppy mill."
103
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:46,138
Puppy mill...
104
00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:48,807
You know, designer dogs
get a bad name,
105
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,776
but they can go
for quite a pretty penny.
106
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,811
Really? It's just hard
to get them to mate.
107
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,613
Oh. Because the little dogs,
108
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,681
they don't wanna
fuck the big dogs,
109
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:58,750
and the big dogs, they don't
wanna fuck the little dogs...
110
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,520
So I got to manually
do it, you know. Oh.
111
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:04,022
I got to spread
and manually shoot in.
112
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,924
Uh-huh. So, what's up with you?
113
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,492
Well, I'm keeping
pretty busy...
114
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,528
Cool. Hey, Aunt Diane,
115
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:10,762
how's it going? Hi, Nick.
116
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,197
Hey, Nick.
117
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:14,032
I just don't understand
why you have to drive
118
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,634
down to Florida,
tomorrow already, Dad!
119
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,068
We just had the funeral.
120
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:17,969
Your grandmother
and I were there
121
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,438
at this time every year.
122
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:20,806
It's what
she would have wanted.
123
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,474
I'd drive down myself,
124
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,476
except they took
my license away.
125
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,711
But why does Jason have
to be the one to drive you?
126
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,079
He's so busy at work...
127
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,548
Got the wedding
coming up next weekend,
128
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:30,882
the rehearsal brunch.
129
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,485
You know, the entire law
firm is coming to this.
130
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,554
It's true, Grandpa. Jason...
131
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,796
We have a lot of stuff, Meredith and I...
I'll handle it.
132
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:39,691
JASON: Go ahead.
133
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,494
How about Cousin Nick?
Huh, Dad?
134
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:44,529
Why doesn't Nick do it?
135
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,097
We got this chocolate Lab
down at the store
136
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,899
that is just so horny,
137
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,668
every time I touch
the back of its ear,
138
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,770
it just gushes cum.
139
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:53,839
Uh, okay. I mean,
like a squirting...
140
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:54,841
Is that your dog?
141
00:07:55,215 --> 00:07:57,175
Nick isn't legally allowed
142
00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:58,944
to leave the state
of Georgia anymore.
143
00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:01,246
I've barely seen this guy
since high school.
144
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:03,114
What's wrong with spending
some time with him?
145
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,683
Oh, so spending time
with family
146
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,751
is suddenly important
to you now?
147
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:08,687
Look, he can come here tomorrow
morning for breakfast.
148
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,255
We can drive down
to Boca during the day,
149
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:12,624
maybe play a round
of golf or two,
150
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:14,593
then he'd be back here
in Atlanta the next day.
151
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,928
He can't just
flake off for two days!
152
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,730
The risk versus reward
here is just...
153
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,799
I don't see it happening.
154
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,161
(SIGHS) It's what she would
have wanted, that's all.
155
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,572
But if you have to get
ready for your wedding,
156
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:29,040
if you're that busy...
157
00:08:37,744 --> 00:08:39,985
I just don't understand
why he wants you to take him.
158
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,653
You're not even that close.
159
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,722
Well, we used to be.
160
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:44,890
Grandpa and I got along
growing up.
161
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,925
We used to build these
162
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,894
model trains every Christmas,
so I brought him...
163
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:49,961
Well, it seems like
we're cutting it
164
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,696
a little close here, you know,
165
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:52,764
with the rehearsal
brunch on Friday...
166
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,633
I know. I know.
167
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,601
And by the way,
I can't find any
168
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:58,603
of the Martha's Vineyard
vacation photos
169
00:08:58,605 --> 00:08:59,804
for the slide show. (SIGHS)
170
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:01,139
I'm just freaking out.
171
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:02,674
That's because
they're on my laptop,
172
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,075
which I've got right here.
173
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,243
So I'll send them
to the wedding planner.
174
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,045
You don't have to worry
about anything.
175
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:10,582
Thanks. Oh, and your dad says take
75, because 16 takes forever.
176
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,817
Yeah, I know. He's got
it all mapped out for me.
177
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:14,719
And can you take
my car, sweetie?
178
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,288
Uh, I need
the SUV for the wine.
179
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:26,865
(EXHALES)
180
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:30,835
(1950s MUSIC PLAYING)
181
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,238
Grandpa?
182
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,243
Grandpa?
183
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:55,927
(CLATTERING)
184
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:57,897
(MAN GRUNTING)
185
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,001
Grandpa?
186
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:06,972
(WOMAN MOANS)
187
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:10,742
(COUPLE MOANING)
188
00:10:13,887 --> 00:10:16,247
Hey! You made it! (SCREAMS)
189
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,609
Give me a minute...
(WOMAN MOANING)
190
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,217
Oh, God! Shit!
191
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,268
WOMAN: (ON TV) Grab my ass!
192
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,892
You ready to hit the road?
I'm really sorry, Grandpa.
193
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:30,195
(STAMMERING) I didn't think
you'd be doing that.
194
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:32,030
Ah, so you caught me
taking a number three.
195
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,833
Big deal, right? Number three?
196
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,401
Have a drink.
197
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:39,838
Uh... No. I'm driving, so...
198
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,040
I just got to finish up
my exercises,
199
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:45,043
and then we'll hop on 16 to 95.
200
00:10:46,774 --> 00:10:50,415
Dad says we should take 75 to 95.
It's more direct.
201
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:51,498
Dad's full of shit.
202
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,426
Grandpa, are you
sure you're okay?
203
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,256
Thanks for doing this,
by the way.
204
00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,924
Those fuckheads down at the DMV
205
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:01,359
took my goddamn license away
206
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,894
because of these fucking
cataracts in my eye.
207
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,129
But I can still hit the shit
208
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,797
out of a golf ball,
that's for sure!
209
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,232
I made a tee time
for us in Florida
210
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,134
for this afternoon.
211
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,869
You can use your
grandmother's lady clubs,
212
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:11,970
they're right there
by the front door.
213
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,053
Okay.
214
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:15,962
All right, you ready?
215
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,176
I thought the plan was
to have breakfast here?
216
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,811
That's your breakfast.
217
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,713
Now let's go get in that
giant labia you drove up in
218
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:24,195
and get the fuck out of here.
219
00:11:34,682 --> 00:11:37,962
You sure I should be driving
with this, Grandpa?
220
00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:39,898
Don't worry, if you spill it,
221
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,181
this giant tampon we're
driving in should soak it up.
222
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:52,944
Just finishing a work email
223
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,780
for the Steinhart file...
224
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:01,286
So you're a lawyer at your
dad's firm now, is that right?
225
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:02,954
That's right,
and Meredith is too.
226
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,089
You know, her dad is one of
227
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,256
the managing partners
there, so...
228
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,459
I know, that's... Yeah.
229
00:12:07,848 --> 00:12:10,328
It couldn't have
worked out better.
230
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,296
Because it's just
that I remember
231
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,031
when you were in high school,
232
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:14,799
you told me how much you
wanted to be a photographer,
233
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,035
travel the world.
That sort of thing.
234
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:18,236
You remember when
I got you that subscription
235
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,405
to Time magazine?
236
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,742
Yeah, I used to be into
photography, but, um...
237
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:25,910
I mean, with Dad being
at the firm, pfft,
238
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,445
it just made so much more sense
239
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,247
to focus on
a college curriculum
240
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,949
that stressed
the law school track.
241
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,417
I mean, I love what I do,
Grandpa.
242
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:33,818
Being a corporate lawyer
is awesome,
243
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,820
I get to handle
SEC compliance...
244
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,789
No shit! Yeah. Yeah.
245
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:39,958
You handle SEC compliance?
246
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,226
LP agreements.
247
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,361
Oh, man, I didn't know that.
248
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,830
LLC agreements.
You're shitting me!
249
00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:48,272
Being a corporate lawyer,
it's got its upsides.
250
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:49,868
You know what I'd rather do?
251
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,536
What?
252
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:54,205
I'd rather let Queen Latifah
shit in my mouth
253
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,048
from a fucking hot air balloon.
254
00:12:56,963 --> 00:12:59,244
That's me. I'm gonna hit the
liquor store over there,
255
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:00,545
get some more of the creature.
256
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,413
Meet you back
at the Dildomobile in five.
257
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:05,083
You're paying the check,
Alan Douche-owitz.
258
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,153
(DOOR OPENS)
259
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:10,989
Where do I know that guy from?
He looks so familiar.
260
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:13,024
He looks like
Abercrombie fucked Fitch.
261
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,894
Mmm, yeah,
while J.Crew J'd-off.
262
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,962
Shit! No, you guys, he was...
It's so funny.
263
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,497
He was my lab partner
264
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,060
in photography class,
freshman year.
265
00:13:22,074 --> 00:13:24,235
No shit! He's a Florida alum?
266
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,437
Lenore, you can totally
finish the trifecta.
267
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:29,007
Oh, my God, I already
have alum, remember?
268
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,309
I fucked that crying
divorced guy, Tony.
269
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,077
With the big balls.
Right. Yeah.
270
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,379
In the porta-potty. Yeah.
271
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:35,513
At the tailgate. Yeah.
272
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,282
I need a professor.
273
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:39,125
Wait, I'm sorry.
What's the trifecta again?
274
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,187
It's this thing I read about
275
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:44,389
where in my senior year
I have to fuck a freshman,
276
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,224
an alumni, and a professor.
277
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,826
Where did you read that?
In my diary.
278
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:48,949
Hmm.
279
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:51,496
Where I wrote it... Yeah.
280
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,299
He used to take the most
beautiful portraits
281
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:57,402
without using any filters
or Photoshop...
282
00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:58,503
LENORE: I've read your diary.
283
00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,904
SHADIA: He was amazing.
284
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:01,139
BRADLEY: Oh, my God, you did?
Yeah.
285
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,624
BRADLEY: Did you like it?
286
00:14:02,625 --> 00:14:04,108
You guys aren't listening. I'm
gonna go say hi to him. Okay?
287
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,544
Cool. Slut...
288
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:08,226
I hope you don't get
Tommy Hilfingered.
289
00:14:09,657 --> 00:14:12,217
That was really late,
but it still counts.
290
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,419
Just like all my periods...
291
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,741
Ew. What?
292
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:22,026
Hi. How are you?
293
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,529
Good. Here you go,
you can keep the change.
294
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,898
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not... You...
295
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:27,981
Uh-huh.
296
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,070
Okay.
297
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,273
Um...
298
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,508
Guys? Guys, listen to me.
299
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,010
What?
300
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,311
Let's go. Bitch, what?
301
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,946
Shut the fuck up! Go!
Oh, my God!
302
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:42,948
Wait a minute.
303
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,517
You all set? (DOOR OPENS)
304
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,999
Yeah, I just gave my money
to the other waitress, sorry.
305
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,022
There is no other waitress.
306
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:56,027
I'm the only one who's
ever worked here. Ever...
307
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,162
Shit! The fucking piece
of shit car never starts!
308
00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,164
Hey!
309
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,900
Hey!
310
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:04,469
God, he's like
a Mitt Romney Terminator.
311
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:07,639
Excuse me!
312
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:10,842
Uh, sorry, my shift is
actually over, so... Sorry...
313
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:12,671
Oh, no way. What?
314
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,680
I know you. No.
315
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,282
Yeah, I do. You were
in my photography class.
316
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,684
You took all those
landscapes. Right?
317
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,085
Shadia.
318
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,554
Yeah. Shadia.
319
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:26,190
Holy shit, you're Shadia?
320
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:27,659
Yeah. Shadia. Shadia.
321
00:15:27,661 --> 00:15:30,161
Jamba! (EXCLAIMS) What the fuck!
322
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:32,530
Shadia. It means
"singer" in Arabic.
323
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,132
Or in ancient Arabic,
324
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:37,168
"al-munshida
alati tunadi lel-mei."
325
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,436
Or, "she whose name
calls others to water."
326
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,004
That's actually right.
327
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:41,606
Uh, Shadia, this is my...
328
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,928
Dr. Richards. I teach history
at the University of Georgia.
329
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,210
You're a professor?
330
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:48,772
Yeah. Why? You looking
for some extra credit?
331
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,683
Jason and I are doing
a story on the Middle East.
332
00:15:51,685 --> 00:15:54,152
He's a photographer
for Time magazine.
333
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,594
You know, I lost my virginity
at my pop-pop's bingo night.
334
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:00,191
My name's Lenore.
335
00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:01,024
Ah! "The rare
and radiant maiden"
336
00:16:01,027 --> 00:16:03,661
"whom the angels named Lenore."
337
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,343
"Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore.'."
338
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,232
Diplomaticos, huh?
339
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:11,302
Hey, you know your cigars.
340
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,704
What are you,
half Cuban or something?
341
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:14,205
Actually, I am, Professor.
342
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:18,910
(LIGHTER CLICKS)
343
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:19,677
The bottom half. Okay.
344
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,579
SHADIA: Okay, yeah, we're
heading out. Yeah.
345
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,348
Good to see you. We're going
to Daytona Beach for the week.
346
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,382
Oh, my God, and we
should have been there
347
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,084
three fucking hours ago,
348
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,418
(SNAPPING FINGERS)
so let's go, bitches!
349
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,221
Holy shit. What?
350
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,103
Nothing.
You're just really gay.
351
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:36,160
Oh, am I?
Thanks, Captain Gaydar.
352
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,396
Jesus! You know,
I'm also black, right?
353
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,999
Yeah, I know.
That's funny, too.
354
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,468
So you guys wanna tag
along for a bit maybe?
355
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,470
Party some babies into us?
356
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:46,671
Absolutely not! Absolutely not!
357
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,040
Why? We have
358
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,409
a very important tee time.
Of course you do.
359
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,077
And do you also have to take a
nap before you play Mahjong?
360
00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:54,278
No, it's shuffleboard.
Shuffleboard.
361
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,114
And then early dinner at 4:00.
362
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,216
DICK: We have a long-standing
bet. Who's the better golfer.
363
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,451
Obviously I've got
the bigger 3-wood...
364
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:01,786
Good. Maybe you can use it
to hit your balls
365
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,521
right into my vagina.
366
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,256
Holy shit! Okay, we're
going inside now.
367
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,025
Jesus! Let's go. That's enough.
368
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,868
Bye, Professor.
Thanks for lunch.
369
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,161
Peace!
370
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,492
Nice girl. Yeah.
371
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,036
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
372
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:31,549
Well? How do I look?
373
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,518
Like the keynote speaker at
a buttfucking convention.
374
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,719
What? What?
375
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,241
What? What?
376
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:38,356
We're gonna write
in the first hole,
377
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:39,657
it's an easy par-4.
378
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,559
No, no, no, no. Hey... Jump in.
379
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,161
This is against
the rules, Grandpa.
380
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,629
Fuck the rules.
Jump in. Come on.
381
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,764
Not to mention,
a breach in golf etiquette.
382
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,599
DICK: Beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep!
383
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,601
MAN: Whoa! Hey!
Out of my way, buttfuckers!
384
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,503
Really? What are you doing?
385
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,639
DICK: We gotta get this guy
to his buttfucking convention.
386
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:55,706
MAN: What are you
trying to do, man?
387
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:57,208
What was that all about?
388
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,644
Hey. Now there's
a million-dollar swing!
389
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,345
(CHUCKLING) I'm sorry! Um...
390
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,081
You can go in front of us
if you want to.
391
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,116
We are not very good.
392
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,350
No, it's a good cut,
393
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:08,820
you're just not bending
your knees enough.
394
00:18:08,822 --> 00:18:10,321
I'm a licensed golf pro.
You mind if I show you?
395
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:11,603
Yes, please.
396
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:15,193
Maybe bend over
a little bit... Here.
397
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,462
That feels about right,
doesn't it?
398
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,705
Hands on my shaft... The shaft.
399
00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:22,300
Let me just get
my finger in there.
400
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,702
One, two, three...
401
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,404
Oh!
402
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,406
Oh, my God! Did you see that?
Oh. Yeah.
403
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:29,841
Thank you!
404
00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:31,809
How long have you
been teaching golf?
405
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:34,378
Ever since I retired
from being an astronaut.
406
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:36,500
It's nice to see some heavenly
bodies around here too.
407
00:18:37,503 --> 00:18:39,183
Hey, Grandpa,
don't you think we should
408
00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:42,386
probably start golfing soon...
What the fuck?
409
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:44,122
Wanna be a lamb
and get that for me?
410
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,823
Did he just call you "Grandpa"?
411
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:48,659
Who, Pepe? He's a retard.
Got it pretty bad, too.
412
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,229
He thinks I'm his grandpa.
413
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:54,198
He usually sits at home just
drawing dolphins all day.
414
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,733
We used to let him
out on his own,
415
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,936
but the raping got so bad
that we just...
416
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,439
Got it.
417
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:03,741
You guys want a refill?
WOMAN: Sure.
418
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,623
Absolutely! BRB!
419
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:07,912
(SIGHS)
420
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,447
I'm sorry about my grandpa.
421
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,782
He's, um...
He's not doing too well.
422
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:14,065
My grandma just passed and
the funeral was yesterday.
423
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,320
WOMEN: Oh...
424
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:17,883
I'm actually a lawyer,
not a retard.
425
00:19:19,798 --> 00:19:21,359
I handle of lot
of important issues.
426
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,593
SEC compliance,
427
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,725
LLC agreements. LP agreements.
That sort of stuff.
428
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,603
Yeah, um, well, I think
we're gonna get going.
429
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,572
Nice to meet you, Pepe. Nice...
430
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,463
Fuck!
431
00:19:41,464 --> 00:19:42,547
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What happened?
432
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,282
Why are they going?
What did you do?
433
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:45,816
What? I told them the truth.
434
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,585
I told them that I'm getting
married next week,
435
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:50,354
and you're not well
because your wife just died.
436
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:51,822
What are you,
fucking vagina repellent?
437
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:52,890
Those cougars wanted to party!
438
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,358
They wanted to party? Yes!
439
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,893
Do you hear yourself?
440
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,295
Grandpa, are you kidding
me right now? Grandma...
441
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:58,797
I'm trying to listen to myself.
442
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,298
Grandma's funeral
was yesterday!
443
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,866
Now you wanna
hit on college girls?
444
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,702
(STAMMERS)
You're jerking off to porn?
445
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,871
What's wrong with you?
Jason, I want to fuck!
446
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,306
Oh, my God...
447
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,473
For the first time in 40 years
448
00:20:09,475 --> 00:20:11,842
I'm single and I want to fuck.
449
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:14,712
(GROANS) I want to fuck
until my dick falls off.
450
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,481
I want to fuck a horse
and I wanna drink its blood!
451
00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:18,683
I'm gonna throw up.
452
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:19,984
I was faithful
to your grandmother
453
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,587
every day for 40 years,
454
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:24,789
even through the menopause,
even through the cancer.
455
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,290
She was the love of my life.
456
00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:28,226
I'll miss her
every goddamn day.
457
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:30,261
But she told me
on her deathbed,
458
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:32,263
"You get back out there again."
459
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,932
I haven't had sex
in 15 years, Jason,
460
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,667
and I want to fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
461
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,469
Oh, so that's what
this is all about?
462
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:40,504
This whole thing. You
didn't want to be with me.
463
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:42,240
You wanted me
to drive you down to Boca
464
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,507
so I could be your
fucking wingman?
465
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:44,876
Well, obviously
I made a bad decision
466
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:46,244
because you're nothing but
a cock-blocking machine.
467
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:47,645
I don't know what you are.
468
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:48,980
You're like the Israeli
Iron Dome defense system,
469
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:50,581
but with vaginas
instead of missiles.
470
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,916
What? You're like some sort of
471
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,584
cock-blocking Terminator
472
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,585
sent back from the future
to cock-block humans.
473
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,020
Oh!
474
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:57,305
The robots should have sent you
475
00:20:57,306 --> 00:20:58,589
instead of
Arnold Schwarzenegger,
476
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,458
you could have cock-blocked
John Connor's parents
477
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:01,459
and he would never
have been born!
478
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:02,693
Shut up, Grandpa!
479
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:03,694
Shut up! What got into you?
480
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:04,929
I remember you in high school,
481
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:05,896
you were ripping
people's dicks off
482
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,498
on the football field,
483
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,367
talking about
traveling the world!
484
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:11,302
Now you're pushing some
papers at a fucking law firm
485
00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:12,503
and probably
peeing sitting down.
486
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:13,671
Grandpa, I don't know
what you thought
487
00:21:13,672 --> 00:21:14,838
this weekend
was going to be about,
488
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:15,873
but I came here for one reason,
489
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,375
to get you to Boca.
490
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:18,809
That's it.
491
00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:20,511
Fine.
492
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:21,879
Now can I please
play some golf?
493
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,281
Fucking golf. Okay.
494
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,682
Cocky McBlockerson.
495
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:31,789
What the fuck?
496
00:21:35,028 --> 00:21:36,149
Bam!
497
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:40,771
Who does your taxes?
H&R Cock-block?
498
00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:42,366
Stop it.
499
00:21:47,407 --> 00:21:49,840
Bam!
500
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,575
Are you still Jenny
from the cock-block?
501
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:53,711
What the fuck! What is your
obsession with my ass?
502
00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:55,046
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
503
00:21:57,493 --> 00:21:58,733
Your vibrator's on.
504
00:21:58,734 --> 00:21:59,450
You can't get into it anyway
505
00:21:59,452 --> 00:22:01,385
because you don't know my code.
506
00:22:01,387 --> 00:22:02,887
Looks like your grandpa
remembered your birthday!
507
00:22:02,889 --> 00:22:04,655
What? Give me that!
508
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,818
We're going to fucking Daytona.
509
00:22:07,593 --> 00:22:08,926
We're not going to Daytona,
510
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:11,028
because I've got
the keys to the golf cart.
511
00:22:14,534 --> 00:22:15,534
What are you doing?
512
00:22:16,636 --> 00:22:18,402
Hey. (ENGINE STARTING)
513
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:19,837
How'd you do that?
514
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:21,572
Coming or staying,
Jack Dicklaus?
515
00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:22,873
Grandpa?
Hurry up, Bubba Twatson.
516
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:24,108
Grandpa, stop.
517
00:22:24,110 --> 00:22:25,509
Gary Player-with-my-balls.
518
00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:26,777
Stop the cart!
519
00:22:26,779 --> 00:22:28,112
Fred Couples-of-big-dicks-
in-your-ass.
520
00:22:28,114 --> 00:22:29,814
Oh, my God. Grandpa! Stop!
521
00:22:29,816 --> 00:22:31,177
Michelle Wies-all-over-my-face.
522
00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:33,592
(LATIN POP MUSIC PLAYING)
523
00:22:50,536 --> 00:22:52,536
(HORNS HONKING)
(PEOPLE WHOOPING)
524
00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:54,772
DICK: Now, this is what
I'm fucking talking about.
525
00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:56,774
This is so fucked up.
526
00:22:56,776 --> 00:22:58,376
Calm down,
you'll get to hang out
527
00:22:58,378 --> 00:22:59,910
with that gypsy girl you like.
528
00:22:59,912 --> 00:23:01,412
I don't like her.
Oh, yes, you do.
529
00:23:01,414 --> 00:23:02,847
That's why you didn't deny
530
00:23:02,849 --> 00:23:04,382
being a photographer
for Time magazine.
531
00:23:04,384 --> 00:23:05,649
You can hang out with her,
532
00:23:05,651 --> 00:23:07,518
I can have
vaginal sex with Lenore.
533
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,953
It all works out!
We can even go visit
534
00:23:08,955 --> 00:23:11,555
my old army buddy, Stinky.
Stinky? (SIGHS)
535
00:23:12,859 --> 00:23:14,892
Which tiki bar are they in?
536
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:16,994
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Oh, shit. Shit. Shit.
537
00:23:16,996 --> 00:23:18,696
What's that? It's Meredith.
538
00:23:18,698 --> 00:23:20,298
Please,
I've got to answer that.
539
00:23:20,299 --> 00:23:21,899
Ah, tell her to fuck off.
Grandpa!
540
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:24,568
I'm just gonna check the testosterone
levels on your phone first.
541
00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:25,770
Grandpa, give me my phone now!
542
00:23:25,772 --> 00:23:27,104
Just as I thought. Pretty low.
543
00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:29,073
This is Meredith calling...
Shit!
544
00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:30,608
Now, look what you did,
545
00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:32,510
you dropped it
in the car's vagina.
546
00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:33,844
God damn it,
I have to put it on speaker.
547
00:23:33,846 --> 00:23:35,813
Don't say anything.
I will not say a word.
548
00:23:35,815 --> 00:23:36,896
(EXHALES)
549
00:23:37,517 --> 00:23:38,517
Ballbags!
550
00:23:39,452 --> 00:23:41,685
Hey! Who was that?
551
00:23:41,687 --> 00:23:43,187
No one. We're in a restaurant.
Sorry.
552
00:23:43,189 --> 00:23:44,588
(MIMICKING) "Who's that?"
553
00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,090
What's up? Okay...
554
00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:47,725
Well, I really want them
555
00:23:47,727 --> 00:23:48,993
to post
our wedding announcement
556
00:23:48,995 --> 00:23:50,661
on the New York Times website
557
00:23:50,663 --> 00:23:52,563
before our rehearsal
brunch Friday,
558
00:23:52,565 --> 00:23:54,799
so I just wanted to run
your section back to you.
559
00:23:54,801 --> 00:23:56,200
Yeah, you know, now's
really not a good time...
560
00:23:56,202 --> 00:23:59,103
Jason? Can we just
do this please?
561
00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:00,545
(MIMICKING)
"Can we do this now?"
562
00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:04,742
"Jason Richard Kelly,
son of..."
563
00:24:04,744 --> 00:24:06,110
"Doctor Smegma
Von BoxMunchers."
564
00:24:06,112 --> 00:24:08,679
"David and Brooke,"
565
00:24:08,681 --> 00:24:11,749
"is a junior associate
at the law firm of..."
566
00:24:11,751 --> 00:24:14,452
"Cream pie fart
and donkey punch!"
567
00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:16,620
Okay, who is that?
It's no one. It's a waiter
568
00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:18,856
with pretty bad Tourette's,
I think...
569
00:24:18,858 --> 00:24:20,758
(HIP-HOP MUSIC BLARING)
570
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:21,992
He just keeps walking by
yelling weird shit,
571
00:24:21,994 --> 00:24:23,894
I don't know why...
572
00:24:23,896 --> 00:24:25,996
MEREDITH: Okay, well,
what restaurant are you at?
573
00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:27,231
I can barely even hear you now.
574
00:24:27,233 --> 00:24:28,666
We're at Chuck E. Cheese's...
575
00:24:28,668 --> 00:24:31,068
(GRUNTING)
Daytona fucking Beach!
576
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:33,804
Daytona fucking Beach!
You're right, buddy!
577
00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:35,906
You're in Daytona Beach?
578
00:24:35,908 --> 00:24:37,675
Uh...
579
00:24:37,677 --> 00:24:39,944
Listen, we're just driving
through Daytona Beach.
580
00:24:39,946 --> 00:24:41,245
We're en route to Grandpa's...
Jason!
581
00:24:41,247 --> 00:24:43,013
I don't know why you're there,
582
00:24:43,015 --> 00:24:45,783
but you'd better call me
from your grandfather's house
583
00:24:45,785 --> 00:24:47,718
when you get there
tonight, okay?
584
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:48,886
Of course, baby. I love you so much...
(LINE DISCONNECTS)
585
00:24:49,902 --> 00:24:51,822
Fuck! Marriage is hard.
586
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:54,124
What'd the hot
college girls text back?
587
00:24:54,126 --> 00:24:56,644
(CELL PHONE CHIMES) Grandpa,
what are you texting them?
588
00:24:56,645 --> 00:24:59,163
I just texted them. What are you texting
them? "We'll meet you on the beach."
589
00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,765
Yeah, and I added the emoji with
the wink and the tongue out.
590
00:25:03,035 --> 00:25:04,735
JASON: I'm not kidding,
Grandpa.
591
00:25:04,737 --> 00:25:05,936
You realize
that if I don't call her
592
00:25:05,938 --> 00:25:07,505
from your house
in Boca tonight,
593
00:25:07,507 --> 00:25:09,106
I'm fucked, man, I'm fucked.
594
00:25:09,108 --> 00:25:10,875
Jesus. Sounds like
you're marrying
595
00:25:10,877 --> 00:25:12,676
your fucking parole officer.
596
00:25:12,678 --> 00:25:14,678
It's just Meredith.
It's the way she is, man.
597
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,181
She just gets, like, anxious
598
00:25:17,183 --> 00:25:19,183
when she doesn't know
exactly where I am.
599
00:25:19,185 --> 00:25:21,719
Don't panic. It's organic.
600
00:25:21,721 --> 00:25:23,187
Yeah, I know. Couples get
in fights all the time.
601
00:25:23,189 --> 00:25:24,655
But it's different
with Meredith.
602
00:25:24,657 --> 00:25:26,257
She takes it
to another level, man,
603
00:25:26,259 --> 00:25:27,558
and I'm telling you,
if I don't call her
604
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,243
from your house in Boca,
I'm screwed.
605
00:25:29,244 --> 00:25:30,927
Well, ain't nobody
got time for that.
606
00:25:30,930 --> 00:25:31,930
Yeah, I know. Clearly.
607
00:25:32,345 --> 00:25:34,665
Which is why I don't understand
608
00:25:34,667 --> 00:25:36,133
how we got so far off schedule.
609
00:25:36,135 --> 00:25:38,602
Oh... Sometimes
life is just a fart zone,
610
00:25:38,604 --> 00:25:40,604
and you enter at your own risk.
611
00:25:41,147 --> 00:25:43,707
Have you been reading shit
612
00:25:43,709 --> 00:25:45,309
off the shot glasses
and the shirts in here
613
00:25:45,311 --> 00:25:46,977
and just saying it
like it's wisdom?
614
00:25:46,979 --> 00:25:48,312
I was seriously trying
to talk to you, man.
615
00:25:48,314 --> 00:25:49,947
Do you realize the stakes here?
616
00:25:49,949 --> 00:25:52,249
You're ridiculous! Smile.
617
00:25:52,251 --> 00:25:54,985
You've had a phone
this entire fucking time?
618
00:25:54,987 --> 00:25:56,754
What else
don't I know about you?
619
00:25:56,756 --> 00:25:58,689
How the hell do you know
how to speak Arabic?
620
00:25:58,691 --> 00:25:59,957
Dad's never said
anything about that.
621
00:25:59,959 --> 00:26:01,125
That's because your dad
622
00:26:01,127 --> 00:26:03,060
doesn't really know
much about me.
623
00:26:03,062 --> 00:26:06,743
I was away with the army
during most of his childhood.
624
00:26:07,616 --> 00:26:08,116
So we were never that close.
625
00:26:08,117 --> 00:26:09,517
Is that why
he doesn't like you?
626
00:26:12,305 --> 00:26:14,271
Anybody work here?
627
00:26:14,273 --> 00:26:16,106
Okay, everybody
on the fucking floor!
628
00:26:16,108 --> 00:26:18,275
This is a goddamn robbery!
629
00:26:18,277 --> 00:26:19,944
On the fucking ground!
630
00:26:23,616 --> 00:26:24,982
(LAUGHING)
631
00:26:24,983 --> 00:26:26,349
Oh, my God,
you should see your faces!
632
00:26:26,352 --> 00:26:28,852
I just left to grab lunch
and a new horse mask.
633
00:26:28,854 --> 00:26:31,855
I left mine at the beach
the other day. Whoo!
634
00:26:31,857 --> 00:26:34,224
I thought you were gonna
shit your pants, little guy.
635
00:26:34,226 --> 00:26:35,226
Gun's real though.
636
00:26:36,329 --> 00:26:38,596
What the fuck, man!
637
00:26:38,598 --> 00:26:40,998
Relax, this is Florida.
638
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,967
Everything's
a licensed gun range.
639
00:26:42,969 --> 00:26:44,802
You just shot
through a wall, man!
640
00:26:44,804 --> 00:26:46,870
Hey...
There's pedestrians outside!
641
00:26:46,872 --> 00:26:50,274
Yeah, again, it's Florida!
These people don't matter.
642
00:26:50,276 --> 00:26:51,842
What? So?
643
00:26:51,844 --> 00:26:54,044
Welcome to Tam Pam Surf Slam.
644
00:26:54,046 --> 00:26:55,746
What can I do for you
gentlemen? I'm Pam.
645
00:26:55,748 --> 00:26:56,914
You're Pam?
646
00:26:56,916 --> 00:26:58,315
Yeah. It's a nickname.
647
00:26:58,317 --> 00:26:59,317
Real name's Pamela.
648
00:27:02,121 --> 00:27:05,222
Hey, no, guys! Absolutely not!
649
00:27:05,224 --> 00:27:11,095
I will not ever sell you drugs
out of this establishment!
650
00:27:11,097 --> 00:27:12,396
We didn't ask you
to sell us drugs.
651
00:27:12,398 --> 00:27:14,131
Okay, cool. You're not cops.
652
00:27:14,133 --> 00:27:15,299
In which case,
653
00:27:17,003 --> 00:27:19,036
welcome to drugs!
654
00:27:19,038 --> 00:27:21,138
Oh, my God.
Now, I'm pretty cool,
655
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:23,307
so I only sell the stuff
that occurs naturally.
656
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:25,376
So I got weed, I got
mushrooms, I got meth.
657
00:27:25,378 --> 00:27:27,044
Meth? Yeah.
658
00:27:27,046 --> 00:27:29,113
How is that natural?
659
00:27:29,115 --> 00:27:30,781
Well, it occurs naturally in my
cousin's basement in Baltimore,
660
00:27:30,783 --> 00:27:32,384
if you know what I mean.
(LAUGHS)
661
00:27:32,685 --> 00:27:34,184
Okay, fine.
662
00:27:34,186 --> 00:27:36,320
Drugs aren't your thing,
got it.
663
00:27:36,322 --> 00:27:37,788
Message received.
664
00:27:37,790 --> 00:27:39,256
In which case,
665
00:27:39,258 --> 00:27:40,824
listen, we got a great
local charity here.
666
00:27:40,826 --> 00:27:42,292
Pam's Kidz.
667
00:27:42,294 --> 00:27:44,828
What's Pam's Kidz?
That's my kids.
668
00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:46,997
I got four kids by
six different women.
669
00:27:46,999 --> 00:27:49,166
I know, the numbers
don't add up.
670
00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:51,802
Most of them are pretty
developmentally disabled.
671
00:27:51,804 --> 00:27:54,038
One of them you gotta push
around in a wheelchair.
672
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,839
(COIN CLINKING) PAM: Hey-o!
673
00:27:55,841 --> 00:27:57,841
Now that is the generosity
of the human spirit
674
00:27:57,843 --> 00:27:59,309
and I appreciate that.
675
00:27:59,311 --> 00:28:00,978
Now some of this money
is gonna feed my kids,
676
00:28:00,980 --> 00:28:02,980
some of it is gonna
get me a blowjob
677
00:28:02,982 --> 00:28:05,663
by a toothless whore behind the
dumpster down at the McDonalds.
678
00:28:06,185 --> 00:28:08,352
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
679
00:28:34,980 --> 00:28:36,280
Hey. Hey.
680
00:28:36,282 --> 00:28:38,048
Hi, Professor.
681
00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:39,850
Well, there's the prettiest
little girl on the beach.
682
00:28:39,852 --> 00:28:41,452
Thank you.
683
00:28:41,454 --> 00:28:43,187
I was actually talking to him.
684
00:28:43,189 --> 00:28:46,890
Yup! Immediately offensive.
I'm going back to the hotel.
685
00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:48,826
Just try not to join the cast
of Rent on the way back!
686
00:28:48,828 --> 00:28:50,327
(BRADLEY GROANS)
687
00:28:50,329 --> 00:28:53,464
So we got the Professor,
you got the millionaire.
688
00:28:53,466 --> 00:28:55,267
How's the rest
of the Gilligan's Island cast?
689
00:28:55,901 --> 00:28:57,301
We're good.
690
00:28:57,303 --> 00:28:58,135
Yeah? Yeah, everyone's good.
691
00:28:58,137 --> 00:28:59,369
Well, that's good.
692
00:28:59,371 --> 00:29:01,238
Copacetic on the island.
(LAUGHS)
693
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:02,806
How are those washed-out
pictures you're taking
694
00:29:02,808 --> 00:29:04,007
because you still have
the lighting optimizer on?
695
00:29:04,009 --> 00:29:05,375
They're not... Where is that?
696
00:29:05,377 --> 00:29:08,879
Actually, it's really
hypersensitive
697
00:29:08,881 --> 00:29:09,980
on the new 60D model.
698
00:29:09,982 --> 00:29:11,782
So you have to...
699
00:29:11,784 --> 00:29:13,217
Wait. What is that?
SHADIA: Okay, nope.
700
00:29:13,219 --> 00:29:15,018
What are you doing?
Give it back, Malibu Ken.
701
00:29:15,020 --> 00:29:16,887
No... What?
702
00:29:16,889 --> 00:29:18,522
You did it. You turned
into one of those people.
703
00:29:18,524 --> 00:29:20,257
I turned into
one of those people
704
00:29:20,259 --> 00:29:22,259
that gives a shit
about something?
705
00:29:22,261 --> 00:29:23,927
Are you gonna chain
yourself to a polar bear?
706
00:29:23,929 --> 00:29:25,262
Only if you let me borrow...
707
00:29:25,264 --> 00:29:27,331
What is this, a beach sweater?
708
00:29:27,333 --> 00:29:29,833
Yeah. What, did you
just come from skiing?
709
00:29:29,835 --> 00:29:30,835
Yeah, I skied in,
710
00:29:31,907 --> 00:29:33,748
just to see you save the world.
711
00:29:33,773 --> 00:29:35,172
One Jell-O shot at a time.
712
00:29:36,075 --> 00:29:37,875
High-five!
713
00:29:37,877 --> 00:29:39,476
You want me to do your back?
714
00:29:39,478 --> 00:29:41,238
Only if you promise
to do my front first.
715
00:29:41,347 --> 00:29:42,587
Gladly.
716
00:29:43,249 --> 00:29:44,529
Oh. Whoops!
717
00:29:45,685 --> 00:29:48,085
That never usually happens.
718
00:29:48,087 --> 00:29:50,387
Really? It happens to me
all the time.
719
00:29:50,389 --> 00:29:52,790
(LAUGHING) Well, guess who just
took a shit in the water? Ow!
720
00:29:52,792 --> 00:29:54,391
CODY: We've been looking
for you bitches all day.
721
00:29:54,393 --> 00:29:56,026
Where the fuck have you been?
722
00:29:56,028 --> 00:29:57,895
Uh, our car broke down
in Orlando.
723
00:29:57,897 --> 00:29:59,777
Do you ever
look at your cell phone?
724
00:30:01,133 --> 00:30:01,765
Awesome.
725
00:30:01,766 --> 00:30:02,398
Who are these cunt punches?
726
00:30:02,401 --> 00:30:04,802
These are
our friends that we met
727
00:30:04,804 --> 00:30:07,364
on the way down. Yeah.
That's Cody and Brah.
728
00:30:08,046 --> 00:30:10,207
They're on the
lacrosse team at Florida.
729
00:30:10,209 --> 00:30:11,308
This guy plays lacrosse?
730
00:30:11,310 --> 00:30:13,277
All-conference, brah!
731
00:30:13,279 --> 00:30:14,878
Yeah? Which one, the fucking
Diabetes Conference?
732
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:15,880
(LAUGHING)
733
00:30:17,076 --> 00:30:19,516
All right, we're about to boat
race a bunch of those fucks
734
00:30:19,518 --> 00:30:21,952
from the University of Georgia
up in the room. So...
735
00:30:21,954 --> 00:30:24,021
Oh, my God!
University of Georgia!
736
00:30:24,023 --> 00:30:26,423
No way! You're a Hornet?
Afraid so.
737
00:30:26,425 --> 00:30:28,091
Well, you guys
should get in there then,
738
00:30:28,093 --> 00:30:29,226
Edward Jizzumhands.
739
00:30:31,096 --> 00:30:33,597
Well, thank you. We will.
740
00:30:33,599 --> 00:30:36,200
Good, that's great.
I'll see you up there.
741
00:30:36,202 --> 00:30:37,968
Oh, good. Well,
you say we'll be there
742
00:30:37,970 --> 00:30:39,570
and on time.
743
00:30:39,572 --> 00:30:41,104
Sweet. I will. Yeah.
744
00:30:41,106 --> 00:30:42,439
Yeah, let's do that.
745
00:30:42,441 --> 00:30:43,841
No, we should. Let's do it now.
746
00:30:43,843 --> 00:30:45,242
Yeah, I'll see you up there.
What...
747
00:30:45,244 --> 00:30:47,110
Come to the hotel. By the pool.
748
00:30:50,616 --> 00:30:52,366
Georgia sucks!
749
00:30:52,367 --> 00:30:54,117
Can we please just go?
They've got boyfriends.
750
00:30:54,119 --> 00:30:55,986
Those meatdick fucks? They're
not their boyfriends.
751
00:30:55,988 --> 00:30:58,155
They're just seniors,
752
00:30:58,157 --> 00:30:59,389
and they're all just terrified
and speed-fucking each other
753
00:30:59,391 --> 00:31:00,891
before the ship goes down.
754
00:31:00,893 --> 00:31:02,192
Didn't you ever
go on Spring Break?
755
00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:03,560
No, I didn't go
to Spring Break,
756
00:31:03,562 --> 00:31:05,229
'cause I was studying
for law school.
757
00:31:05,231 --> 00:31:06,530
Besides, I can't
chug alcohol anymore
758
00:31:06,532 --> 00:31:08,031
like I used to, Grandpa.
759
00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:10,000
I've developed,
like, a gag reflex.
760
00:31:10,002 --> 00:31:11,301
A gag reflex? Yeah.
761
00:31:11,303 --> 00:31:12,903
You're chugging a beer,
762
00:31:12,905 --> 00:31:14,305
not taking down
a horse cock, Jason.
763
00:31:14,473 --> 00:31:16,173
Come on.
764
00:31:16,175 --> 00:31:18,416
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
765
00:31:26,018 --> 00:31:27,351
Go Hornets!
766
00:31:27,353 --> 00:31:29,353
Go Hornets, yeah...
767
00:31:29,355 --> 00:31:31,021
Hey, you know, one in three
of these girls has herpes.
768
00:31:31,023 --> 00:31:32,422
Even if you can't see it.
769
00:31:32,424 --> 00:31:34,258
Oh, Jesus. Nut the fuck up.
770
00:31:34,260 --> 00:31:36,493
It's just a college party,
you nance. Chill!
771
00:31:36,495 --> 00:31:39,096
Hey, here they are.
772
00:31:39,098 --> 00:31:42,332
I'm gonna get some beers.
What about you, twinkle toes?
773
00:31:42,334 --> 00:31:45,302
You want some of dat drank?
Some of dat purple drank?
774
00:31:45,304 --> 00:31:47,070
Some of dat
purple-ass muthafuckin'
775
00:31:47,072 --> 00:31:48,538
pimp-dick drank?
776
00:31:49,575 --> 00:31:52,075
Who the fuck are you?
777
00:31:56,348 --> 00:31:57,548
It's a pretty rockin' party.
778
00:31:58,984 --> 00:32:00,284
Whoo.
779
00:32:00,286 --> 00:32:01,685
Who let the dogs out?
780
00:32:01,687 --> 00:32:03,053
Am I right?
781
00:32:17,209 --> 00:32:19,169
Sir, before we start,
would you prefer
782
00:32:19,171 --> 00:32:20,938
if we gave you
a spritzer to chug?
783
00:32:20,940 --> 00:32:23,101
Ah... Maybe a Pinot Noir?
784
00:32:27,659 --> 00:32:29,179
You're going down, old man.
785
00:32:29,181 --> 00:32:31,281
Nobody chugs like me.
786
00:32:31,283 --> 00:32:33,524
I bet. You've been chugging
Brah's cum for years.
787
00:32:33,986 --> 00:32:35,452
(CROWD CHEERING)
788
00:32:36,422 --> 00:32:37,454
Let's go.
789
00:32:39,258 --> 00:32:41,138
(TRIUMPHANT CLASSICAL
MUSIC PLAYING)
790
00:32:42,127 --> 00:32:43,994
CROWD: (CHANTING) Chug!
791
00:32:43,996 --> 00:32:45,162
Chug!
792
00:32:45,164 --> 00:32:46,164
Chug!
793
00:32:46,732 --> 00:32:47,732
Chug!
794
00:32:49,668 --> 00:32:53,270
Go! Go! Chug!
795
00:33:36,115 --> 00:33:37,547
(INAUDIBLE)
796
00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:52,009
It's actually kind of fun.
797
00:33:53,465 --> 00:33:54,731
(ALARM BLARING)
798
00:33:57,469 --> 00:34:02,172
Yeah, I'm not really,
you know, for sure,
799
00:34:02,447 --> 00:34:04,608
per say... (GROANING)
800
00:34:04,610 --> 00:34:07,010
what we're doing
after graduation.
801
00:34:07,246 --> 00:34:09,346
I mean,
802
00:34:09,348 --> 00:34:10,480
we have offers to play...
Blah, blah, blah...
803
00:34:10,482 --> 00:34:13,116
professional
lacrosse in Europe,
804
00:34:13,118 --> 00:34:15,052
but a bunch of agents...
Words, words, words...
805
00:34:15,054 --> 00:34:17,320
also want us to
start modeling, so...
806
00:34:17,322 --> 00:34:19,722
And again, we're talking about
this fat fuck right here?
807
00:34:19,825 --> 00:34:20,825
SHADIA: You guys...
808
00:34:22,094 --> 00:34:24,094
Uh, you have
to come see this right now.
809
00:34:24,096 --> 00:34:26,163
(LATIN POP MUSIC PLAYING)
810
00:34:26,165 --> 00:34:27,798
(CROWD CHEERING)
811
00:34:42,614 --> 00:34:44,414
All right, our team won!
812
00:34:44,416 --> 00:34:48,118
Let's celebrate
by buying local drugs
813
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:51,288
from a reputable,
local drug dealer.
814
00:34:51,290 --> 00:34:53,690
Hey, what are you doing here?
815
00:34:54,626 --> 00:34:56,159
I'm selling drugs, man.
816
00:34:56,161 --> 00:34:57,327
I'm trying to put my kid
through preschool.
817
00:34:57,329 --> 00:34:58,695
(LAUGHING)
818
00:34:58,697 --> 00:35:00,397
How honest is that!
819
00:35:00,399 --> 00:35:02,299
Touching my face a lot, bro.
820
00:35:02,301 --> 00:35:04,301
Touching my face
a whole lot, man.
821
00:35:04,303 --> 00:35:05,769
Why don't you take some of this.
This'll mellow you out.
822
00:35:05,771 --> 00:35:07,838
What is it? E-cig, bro.
823
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,239
"E" is for "Weed"!
824
00:35:09,241 --> 00:35:10,540
(LAUGHS)
825
00:35:10,542 --> 00:35:11,542
Sure, why not?
826
00:35:12,344 --> 00:35:14,544
(INHALING)
827
00:35:14,546 --> 00:35:17,347
Yeah, ooh, that's a big...
That's a big one.
828
00:35:18,650 --> 00:35:20,250
Oh!
829
00:35:20,252 --> 00:35:21,618
(COUGHING)
830
00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:22,752
(LAUGHING)
831
00:35:22,754 --> 00:35:24,888
Whoo!
832
00:35:24,890 --> 00:35:27,050
Just be glad you didn't smoke this, man.
This is crack!
833
00:35:27,231 --> 00:35:29,392
What? Oh, yeah!
834
00:35:29,394 --> 00:35:30,794
This one...
Oh, wait a minute...
835
00:35:32,865 --> 00:35:36,533
Maybe that one's crack
and this one's weed.
836
00:35:36,535 --> 00:35:38,768
Hang on.
What'd you do now, Pam?
837
00:35:38,770 --> 00:35:41,170
Fuck. Hold on.
Which one's crack?
838
00:35:42,708 --> 00:35:46,376
Okay. I got this.
Don't freak out.
839
00:35:46,378 --> 00:35:48,378
Sorry to worry you, man.
You're not gonna believe this.
840
00:35:48,380 --> 00:35:49,380
They're both crack.
841
00:35:50,415 --> 00:35:51,781
What?
842
00:35:51,783 --> 00:35:53,550
And you have taken an amount
843
00:35:53,552 --> 00:35:55,592
that will probably kill you
in about 30 minutes.
844
00:35:56,081 --> 00:35:57,721
I just smoked crack? Yeah.
845
00:35:57,723 --> 00:35:58,822
But just, like, a lot.
846
00:36:00,259 --> 00:36:01,525
I just smoked crack.
847
00:36:04,663 --> 00:36:06,463
I just smoked crack!
848
00:36:06,465 --> 00:36:07,697
(ALL CHEERING)
849
00:36:10,569 --> 00:36:12,235
ALL: (CHANTING) USA!
850
00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:14,271
USA!
851
00:36:14,273 --> 00:36:15,772
USA!
852
00:36:15,774 --> 00:36:17,374
Told you.
853
00:36:17,376 --> 00:36:18,708
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
854
00:36:20,746 --> 00:36:22,307
He's fine.
He's just a little drunk.
855
00:36:22,748 --> 00:36:24,181
(ALL CHEERING)
856
00:36:24,683 --> 00:36:25,683
Whoo!
857
00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:28,818
Everybody loves crack!
858
00:36:29,922 --> 00:36:31,755
Bee loves crack.
859
00:36:31,757 --> 00:36:33,623
Bee loves some crack.
860
00:36:33,625 --> 00:36:34,865
We should probably go help him.
861
00:36:35,827 --> 00:36:37,327
(MIMICKING BUZZING)
862
00:36:39,631 --> 00:36:41,331
Sting? You're stung!
863
00:36:42,768 --> 00:36:43,768
(CAMERA CLICKS)
864
00:36:44,603 --> 00:36:46,483
Oh, shit,
I just found my queen.
865
00:36:46,805 --> 00:36:48,905
All right. (GRUNTS)
866
00:36:48,907 --> 00:36:50,540
Okay, let's help him.
867
00:36:50,542 --> 00:36:52,976
(MIMICKING GORILLA)
868
00:36:52,978 --> 00:36:55,378
SHADIA: Excuse me. Jason!
869
00:36:55,380 --> 00:36:57,300
(WHOOPING) (CROWD CHEERING)
870
00:36:57,756 --> 00:36:59,716
Hey, Jason. SHADIA: Jason.
871
00:36:59,718 --> 00:37:00,758
(GRUNTING)
872
00:37:02,554 --> 00:37:04,395
Jason. Jason.
873
00:37:04,723 --> 00:37:06,790
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
874
00:37:09,561 --> 00:37:10,841
(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE STARTS)
875
00:37:12,464 --> 00:37:13,763
I'm gonna live forever!
876
00:37:20,906 --> 00:37:22,305
WOMAN: Party on!
877
00:37:25,777 --> 00:37:27,344
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
878
00:37:32,417 --> 00:37:33,417
(GASPS)
879
00:37:36,888 --> 00:37:38,388
Oh, shit!
880
00:37:38,390 --> 00:37:39,522
(PANTING)
881
00:37:43,011 --> 00:37:44,211
One, two, three...
882
00:37:44,212 --> 00:37:45,612
Hello? Where the
fuck have you been?
883
00:37:45,897 --> 00:37:47,731
Uh...
884
00:37:47,733 --> 00:37:50,767
We got to Grandpa's a little bit
later than we thought last night,
885
00:37:50,769 --> 00:37:53,336
and my phone charger
wasn't working.
886
00:37:53,338 --> 00:37:54,971
Well, you know
we missed the deadline
887
00:37:54,973 --> 00:37:56,706
for our wedding announcement
to be in the Times.
888
00:37:56,708 --> 00:37:57,941
Where are you? Are you close?
889
00:37:58,710 --> 00:38:00,910
Um...
890
00:38:00,912 --> 00:38:03,272
Listen, Grandpa got
really upset last night.
891
00:38:03,348 --> 00:38:04,881
So I'm just getting
892
00:38:04,883 --> 00:38:07,784
a little bit of
a late jump here.
893
00:38:07,786 --> 00:38:09,552
I want to show you the
bouquets for the bridesmaids.
894
00:38:09,554 --> 00:38:11,554
So switch to FaceTime, okay?
895
00:38:11,556 --> 00:38:14,057
Shit! Baby, the reception at
Grandpa's isn't very good...
896
00:38:14,059 --> 00:38:15,825
Jason, just fucking do it!
897
00:38:15,827 --> 00:38:17,147
Okay, one second.
Switching over.
898
00:38:17,729 --> 00:38:18,995
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
899
00:38:20,699 --> 00:38:22,632
Is that sand on your face?
900
00:38:22,634 --> 00:38:24,467
(STAMMERS) It's just sawdust
901
00:38:24,469 --> 00:38:26,303
because I was helping
Grandpa in the garage, so...
902
00:38:26,305 --> 00:38:28,665
I naturally got the dust
of the saw on the face.
903
00:38:29,157 --> 00:38:30,917
Hi, honey. Jason.
904
00:38:30,942 --> 00:38:34,010
Mom? Dad?
905
00:38:34,012 --> 00:38:36,412
Is that writing on your face?
906
00:38:37,349 --> 00:38:39,749
Oh! I was working on my vows
late last night and...
907
00:38:39,818 --> 00:38:41,918
Hmm...
908
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,655
And I fell asleep and I got
some pen on my face, so...
909
00:38:45,657 --> 00:38:48,425
Yeah, that must be
the exact thing that happened.
910
00:38:48,427 --> 00:38:49,859
DAVID: Yeah, Meredith
called us because
911
00:38:49,861 --> 00:38:51,528
she hadn't
heard from you all night.
912
00:38:51,530 --> 00:38:54,050
We got the rabbi here
to work on the vows.
913
00:38:54,700 --> 00:38:55,965
Boker tov, Jason.
914
00:38:56,768 --> 00:38:58,868
Hey. Shalom.
915
00:38:58,870 --> 00:39:01,230
No, Jason, really...
What is on your forehead?
916
00:39:02,874 --> 00:39:05,809
It's a swastika of penises.
917
00:39:05,811 --> 00:39:07,091
No, that's not what it is.
918
00:39:07,979 --> 00:39:10,947
Acting as a pinwheel
of ejaculate...
919
00:39:10,949 --> 00:39:13,583
No, no, no,
it's a FaceTime effect.
920
00:39:13,585 --> 00:39:15,085
All the kids are using
them these days.
921
00:39:15,087 --> 00:39:16,367
There's a Hanukkah one. See?
922
00:39:19,024 --> 00:39:22,092
I don't like that one as much
as the swastika full of dicks.
923
00:39:22,094 --> 00:39:25,762
RABBI: Okay, let's discuss
the wedding vows.
924
00:39:25,764 --> 00:39:28,398
Jason, why don't you
begin by telling us all
925
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,867
what it is you like
about Meredith.
926
00:39:30,869 --> 00:39:33,636
(STAMMERS) Yeah, where do I start?
She's...
927
00:39:33,638 --> 00:39:34,678
Hello.
928
00:39:35,774 --> 00:39:36,774
Uh...
929
00:39:37,609 --> 00:39:38,889
Hello, buzzy bee.
930
00:39:39,711 --> 00:39:41,411
What?
931
00:39:41,413 --> 00:39:42,579
If you can't think of anything,
932
00:39:42,581 --> 00:39:43,646
lean into them looks, dawg.
933
00:39:43,648 --> 00:39:45,949
Can I touch buzzy bee?
934
00:39:45,951 --> 00:39:47,450
I've loved her for... (WHISPERS)
No, you can't touch buzzy bee!
935
00:39:47,452 --> 00:39:48,818
Um...
936
00:39:48,820 --> 00:39:50,820
I love the way that she, um...
937
00:39:52,124 --> 00:39:54,591
What are you doing? Stop it!
938
00:39:54,593 --> 00:39:56,526
Go away! You're getting me in...
Fuck, go away!
939
00:39:56,528 --> 00:39:58,008
BOY: Your buzzy bee
looks so fluffy!
940
00:39:58,397 --> 00:40:00,130
What did he say?
941
00:40:00,132 --> 00:40:02,165
I just don't know
where to start.
942
00:40:02,167 --> 00:40:03,099
BOY: Let me touch buzzy bee!
You can't have the bee!
943
00:40:03,101 --> 00:40:04,567
What?
944
00:40:04,569 --> 00:40:06,102
I want to stroke the bee!
945
00:40:06,104 --> 00:40:08,037
JASON: You can't
stroke the bee! Okay?
946
00:40:08,039 --> 00:40:09,973
BOY: I want to kiss buzzy bee!
JASON: You can't kiss the bee!
947
00:40:09,975 --> 00:40:11,816
I love the way that she kisses.
948
00:40:12,144 --> 00:40:14,077
Ow! Kid! MAN: Hey!
949
00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:15,845
JASON: Oh, my God... MAN: Hey!
950
00:40:15,847 --> 00:40:16,980
Fucking pervert! Oh, no.
951
00:40:16,981 --> 00:40:18,114
I got to go right now.
I'm sorry.
952
00:40:18,116 --> 00:40:19,716
I love you. Bye!
953
00:40:19,718 --> 00:40:20,998
No, no, no! Jason! Jason!
954
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:23,520
Come on. I told you
to stay with us.
955
00:40:25,557 --> 00:40:26,890
He let me stroke it.
956
00:40:26,892 --> 00:40:28,591
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
957
00:40:28,593 --> 00:40:30,193
Hold on! He's talking
about a pee... A bee.
958
00:40:30,195 --> 00:40:31,795
A little stuffed bee.
959
00:40:31,797 --> 00:40:33,196
What bee?
960
00:40:33,198 --> 00:40:34,697
There was a bee here, man!
961
00:40:34,699 --> 00:40:36,800
It was so soft.
He let me kiss it.
962
00:40:36,802 --> 00:40:38,668
No, I did not let you kiss it!
963
00:40:38,670 --> 00:40:40,003
What are you talking about?
964
00:40:40,005 --> 00:40:41,765
He did not even... Ahhh!
You're fucking dead!
965
00:40:41,807 --> 00:40:43,606
Dad, that was cool!
966
00:40:43,608 --> 00:40:44,841
(SIRENS WAILING)
967
00:40:44,843 --> 00:40:45,942
Oh, shit!
968
00:41:11,703 --> 00:41:14,604
May I have some pants?
Please...
969
00:41:14,606 --> 00:41:17,941
Oh, Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry.
Of course.
970
00:41:17,943 --> 00:41:21,044
Yeah, absolutely.
971
00:41:21,046 --> 00:41:23,486
You want khakis or sweatpants?
972
00:41:24,950 --> 00:41:26,850
Khakis, please.
973
00:41:26,852 --> 00:41:28,818
What brand? You like Docker's?
974
00:41:28,820 --> 00:41:30,854
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah? Okay.
975
00:41:30,856 --> 00:41:33,097
All right. You're like a 30...
976
00:41:34,993 --> 00:41:37,594
Uh, yes, 30 is fine.
977
00:41:37,596 --> 00:41:39,562
What I wouldn't give
to fit in a 30.
978
00:41:39,564 --> 00:41:41,531
Maybe 20 years ago, you know.
979
00:41:41,533 --> 00:41:42,813
When I was seven years old.
980
00:41:44,135 --> 00:41:46,569
Yeah. All right.
981
00:41:46,571 --> 00:41:48,411
Also, I'm going to step
out and get some lunch.
982
00:41:48,740 --> 00:41:50,206
Do you want a sandwich?
983
00:41:50,208 --> 00:41:51,248
I would love a sandwich.
984
00:41:52,210 --> 00:41:54,177
Ham? Turkey?
985
00:41:54,179 --> 00:41:56,713
Turkey? Turkey.
986
00:41:56,715 --> 00:41:59,015
That's so funny, because I'm a
turkey guy myself, you know.
987
00:41:59,017 --> 00:42:00,850
Thank you so much.
988
00:42:00,852 --> 00:42:02,519
Okay. Absolutely want
mayo on that?
989
00:42:02,521 --> 00:42:04,254
Uh, no, thank you, no. Okay.
990
00:42:04,256 --> 00:42:06,556
Uh, extra veggies.
Extra veggies?
991
00:42:06,558 --> 00:42:08,057
Yes, please.
You got it. Absolutely...
992
00:42:08,059 --> 00:42:09,659
Salt and vinegar.
993
00:42:09,661 --> 00:42:10,994
You want salt
and vinegar as well?
994
00:42:10,996 --> 00:42:12,295
Yeah, thank you.
995
00:42:12,297 --> 00:42:14,831
You gotta watch that sodium.
996
00:42:14,833 --> 00:42:16,165
All right, because that's what
drives your blood pressure up.
997
00:42:16,167 --> 00:42:17,867
And blood pressure
is a silent killer.
998
00:42:17,869 --> 00:42:21,771
Turkey... Okay... All right...
999
00:42:21,773 --> 00:42:25,875
Yeah. And, uh, finally,
do you want to be sodomized
1000
00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:28,044
by a man with the
mental age of seven
1001
00:42:28,046 --> 00:42:29,579
who calls himself "Ping-pong",
1002
00:42:29,581 --> 00:42:30,813
or do you want to be shivved
1003
00:42:30,815 --> 00:42:33,149
by the, uh, same guy?
1004
00:42:34,492 --> 00:42:36,653
Just let me know
what time works out for you,
1005
00:42:36,655 --> 00:42:39,175
'cause you're in fucking jail.
1006
00:42:40,158 --> 00:42:41,438
(TOILET FLUSHING)
1007
00:42:43,228 --> 00:42:45,962
All right. Gary, I'm all done.
It's late.
1008
00:42:45,964 --> 00:42:47,964
I gotta go open
the store, buddy.
1009
00:42:47,966 --> 00:42:50,266
I know, but you tried to sell
peyote to middle schoolers.
1010
00:42:50,268 --> 00:42:54,003
What? Come on, it's me. Pam.
1011
00:42:54,005 --> 00:42:55,905
Don't be a dick.
1012
00:42:55,907 --> 00:42:59,175
Come on! I just had watery diarrhea.
I wanna get out of here.
1013
00:42:59,177 --> 00:43:01,244
It stinks! It does stink.
1014
00:43:03,081 --> 00:43:04,948
All right,
let's get you out of there.
1015
00:43:04,950 --> 00:43:06,249
(LAUGHS) All right. Whoo!
1016
00:43:07,319 --> 00:43:08,952
I don't like being in a cage.
1017
00:43:08,954 --> 00:43:10,920
Wait, you're letting him out?
1018
00:43:10,922 --> 00:43:12,221
He's the one that sold drugs.
Why are you letting him out?
1019
00:43:12,223 --> 00:43:14,190
Hey, man! Not cool!
1020
00:43:14,192 --> 00:43:16,693
That's a real dick move
throwing me under the bus.
1021
00:43:16,695 --> 00:43:17,827
What the fuck
are you talking about?
1022
00:43:17,829 --> 00:43:19,262
You're the one
that sold drugs last night.
1023
00:43:19,264 --> 00:43:20,830
Hey, guy.
1024
00:43:20,832 --> 00:43:23,600
Snitches get stitches!
All right.
1025
00:43:23,602 --> 00:43:25,768
So why don't you shut
your fucking mouth, bro.
1026
00:43:25,770 --> 00:43:27,837
OFFICER REITER: Yeah. Snitches
get stitches, my friend.
1027
00:43:27,839 --> 00:43:29,739
(LAUGHS) My name's Pam.
1028
00:43:31,242 --> 00:43:34,677
OFFICER REITER:
You are just incorrigible.
1029
00:43:34,679 --> 00:43:36,779
Hey. How are you, Finch?
How you doing, hon?
1030
00:43:36,781 --> 00:43:39,983
Good to see you. Hey.
Finchy. Jean Finch.
1031
00:43:39,985 --> 00:43:42,251
You got it. Most beautiful woman
on the police force right here.
1032
00:43:42,253 --> 00:43:44,787
Jeez. The only woman...
(LAUGHTER)
1033
00:43:44,789 --> 00:43:46,656
Here's the deal. What's up?
1034
00:43:46,658 --> 00:43:48,024
I came in here with
a bag of drugs.
1035
00:43:48,026 --> 00:43:49,325
I'm not gonna lie to you.
1036
00:43:49,327 --> 00:43:51,160
I can't leave without it.
1037
00:43:51,162 --> 00:43:52,795
(INHALES SHARPLY)
1038
00:43:52,797 --> 00:43:54,297
Can you guys hook me up there?
Yeah.
1039
00:43:54,299 --> 00:43:57,066
Ooh! Gary! Yeah. These yours?
1040
00:43:57,068 --> 00:43:59,369
Thanks, Gar-bear.
Oh, nice catch.
1041
00:43:59,371 --> 00:44:01,938
PAM: Please remember
next Tuesday is the election.
1042
00:44:01,940 --> 00:44:03,840
Vote for me for mayor.
1043
00:44:03,842 --> 00:44:05,802
I'm gonna win this year.
I'm gonna beat that goat.
1044
00:44:06,244 --> 00:44:08,277
(LAUGHS)
1045
00:44:08,279 --> 00:44:12,248
Pam! Pam! FINCH: My God.
He is just a good one.
1046
00:44:12,250 --> 00:44:14,951
He is the number one...
Lover and a fighter...
1047
00:44:14,953 --> 00:44:16,085
Okay, listen.
1048
00:44:17,656 --> 00:44:21,057
Guys, I really respect
the job you guys do.
1049
00:44:21,059 --> 00:44:22,892
I'm being completely honest
from the bottom of my heart,
1050
00:44:22,894 --> 00:44:26,396
I look up to you.
I fight for the law.
1051
00:44:26,398 --> 00:44:27,864
Thank you. No one ever
says that to us. Ever.
1052
00:44:27,866 --> 00:44:29,746
That's what I wanted to do
when I was a kid.
1053
00:44:30,035 --> 00:44:32,135
I wanna do what you guys do.
1054
00:44:32,137 --> 00:44:36,105
Mostly people just call us pigs and
throw bags of fast food at us.
1055
00:44:36,107 --> 00:44:39,175
I'm incredibly sorry for all this
confusion, but listen to me,
1056
00:44:39,177 --> 00:44:42,178
please, I have to
let you know I'm a lawyer.
1057
00:44:42,180 --> 00:44:44,781
Whoa, whoa! You're a lawyer?
Wait a second.
1058
00:44:44,783 --> 00:44:46,282
Yeah, I'm actually a lawyer.
1059
00:44:46,284 --> 00:44:48,985
Whoa. You don't look
like a lawyer. No.
1060
00:44:48,987 --> 00:44:51,107
Yeah, I handle, like,
uh, corporate stuff.
1061
00:44:51,256 --> 00:44:55,458
Like, uh, like LLC agreements.
1062
00:44:55,460 --> 00:44:57,927
LP... You lost me. I don't
even know what that means.
1063
00:44:57,929 --> 00:45:01,264
I mean, you don't look Jewish.
No.
1064
00:45:01,266 --> 00:45:03,099
(SIGHS) If you think about it,
it's actually pretty funny.
1065
00:45:03,101 --> 00:45:04,967
(LAUGHING)
1066
00:45:04,969 --> 00:45:06,402
Like, ending up here
on this side...
1067
00:45:06,404 --> 00:45:08,764
It is. That is funny.
It is so weird.
1068
00:45:09,788 --> 00:45:11,708
It's darkly ironic.
It really is.
1069
00:45:11,710 --> 00:45:14,210
Yes, exactly. Dark irony.
1070
00:45:14,212 --> 00:45:17,313
I thought you had to be, like,
at least 80 to be a lawyer.
1071
00:45:17,315 --> 00:45:19,015
(SCOFFS) Lawyer. Like, it's
a lot of school, right?
1072
00:45:19,017 --> 00:45:20,316
Yeah.
1073
00:45:20,318 --> 00:45:22,185
(STAMMERS)
It's a lot of school.
1074
00:45:22,187 --> 00:45:24,721
The bar...
1075
00:45:24,723 --> 00:45:27,023
It's something I took
and passed.
1076
00:45:27,025 --> 00:45:28,758
It's not something
I stand behind.
1077
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,460
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
1078
00:45:30,462 --> 00:45:32,295
I'm not on this side,
typically,
1079
00:45:32,297 --> 00:45:34,063
and I just, uh... I just...
1080
00:45:35,433 --> 00:45:37,800
I know my rights and
I would love my phone call.
1081
00:45:37,802 --> 00:45:39,335
Objection. Overruled.
1082
00:45:39,337 --> 00:45:41,804
Permission to approach the bench.
Denied!
1083
00:45:41,806 --> 00:45:43,372
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) What?
1084
00:45:43,374 --> 00:45:45,414
It's easy to be a lawyer.
It's so easy.
1085
00:45:45,757 --> 00:45:47,477
(STAMMERING)
I would love my phone call.
1086
00:45:47,479 --> 00:45:48,511
(BOTH MOCKING)
1087
00:45:49,047 --> 00:45:50,480
Okay?
1088
00:45:50,482 --> 00:45:52,248
I know my rights.
I want my phone call.
1089
00:45:52,250 --> 00:45:54,050
(BOTH CONTINUE MOCKING)
Give me my phone call.
1090
00:45:54,052 --> 00:45:55,351
I should have a phone...
1091
00:45:55,353 --> 00:45:57,370
This is my
First Amendment right.
1092
00:45:57,371 --> 00:45:59,388
It is my first... First and foremost...
Page one, number one...
1093
00:45:59,390 --> 00:46:00,923
amendment says that
I get my telephone.
1094
00:46:00,925 --> 00:46:02,391
And most of all,
can I get a phone call?
1095
00:46:02,393 --> 00:46:04,393
This is my
First Amendment right.
1096
00:46:04,395 --> 00:46:05,428
(MOCKINGLY) I don't think you understand
that I'm guaranteed a phone call.
1097
00:46:06,297 --> 00:46:08,264
I don't sound like that.
1098
00:46:08,266 --> 00:46:10,366
(MOCKINGLY) Yeah?
What do you sound like then?
1099
00:46:10,368 --> 00:46:11,367
Um, not like that. I don't
think I sound like that.
1100
00:46:11,369 --> 00:46:13,035
(BOTH CONTINUE MOCKING)
1101
00:46:14,172 --> 00:46:16,789
Give me my phone call.
1102
00:46:16,790 --> 00:46:19,407
Oh, please, will you let me have
my phone call? ...phone call.
1103
00:46:19,410 --> 00:46:21,911
I'm an American and
I'm fucking guaranteed...
1104
00:46:21,913 --> 00:46:23,546
I'm an American.
1105
00:46:23,548 --> 00:46:25,548
I am guaranteed a phone call.
1106
00:46:25,550 --> 00:46:29,110
(MOCKINGLY) Legally, it's my
right to have a phone call.
1107
00:46:30,213 --> 00:46:32,054
I just said I'm an American
1108
00:46:32,056 --> 00:46:33,990
and I'm guaranteed
a phone call.
1109
00:46:33,992 --> 00:46:36,225
Hmm. Well, now
he's getting demanding.
1110
00:46:36,227 --> 00:46:37,994
Yeah. We better give
him his phone call.
1111
00:46:37,996 --> 00:46:39,128
(MOCKINGLY) Better
give him his phone call.
1112
00:46:39,130 --> 00:46:40,963
Guys, come on. Come on, please.
1113
00:46:40,965 --> 00:46:43,132
It doesn't...
Why are we doing this?
1114
00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:44,901
This is your phone
right here, right?
1115
00:46:44,903 --> 00:46:47,003
That is my phone. Yes.
1116
00:46:47,005 --> 00:46:48,805
Well, you know what?
1117
00:46:48,807 --> 00:46:51,073
We get to make one phone
call on your phone.
1118
00:46:51,075 --> 00:46:52,942
That's where you're just
a little bit mixed up.
1119
00:46:52,944 --> 00:46:54,844
Yeah. Hopefully, you're not
out of "framily" minutes.
1120
00:46:54,846 --> 00:46:56,979
No, no, no, no, no... Yeah, we
get a free Uber ride on that.
1121
00:46:56,981 --> 00:46:58,548
Go ahead. Take us out to lunch.
1122
00:46:58,550 --> 00:47:00,416
Hey, you know what? We're gonna
be kind and set you up with
1123
00:47:00,418 --> 00:47:02,118
a Tinder account too.
1124
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:03,219
OFFICER REITER: Ooh, how about Grindr.
What about...
1125
00:47:03,220 --> 00:47:04,319
OFFICER FINCH: Look at
this, look at this.
1126
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:05,419
"Jefe", is that how
you pronounce that?
1127
00:47:05,423 --> 00:47:06,923
Yeah, how about Jefe?
1128
00:47:06,925 --> 00:47:09,325
Yeah. Huh? Little
alone time with Jefe?
1129
00:47:09,327 --> 00:47:12,195
He'd like some light conversation
and heavy petting, flirting...
1130
00:47:12,197 --> 00:47:13,896
Flirtations.
1131
00:47:13,898 --> 00:47:15,681
OFFICER REITER: Hmm.
He looks thick and lonely.
1132
00:47:15,682 --> 00:47:17,465
OFFICER FINCH: You'll meet him at 8:00.
You'll bring wine coolers.
1133
00:47:17,468 --> 00:47:19,001
And...
1134
00:47:20,505 --> 00:47:22,465
Children's condoms. (LAUGHS)
1135
00:47:24,008 --> 00:47:25,241
Just gonna take a little picture.
Oh.
1136
00:47:25,243 --> 00:47:26,909
Snatch-chat.
Yeah, a little snach-chat.
1137
00:47:26,911 --> 00:47:28,177
Please don't do that
with my phone.
1138
00:47:28,179 --> 00:47:29,478
Hope you got a wide
angle lens on that.
1139
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:31,200
Oh! Wow. (PHONE RINGING)
1140
00:47:32,150 --> 00:47:33,416
(CHUCKLES)
1141
00:47:33,418 --> 00:47:34,418
Kidding.
1142
00:47:37,322 --> 00:47:39,889
Somebody just posted his bail.
Get that pervert some pants.
1143
00:47:40,744 --> 00:47:42,024
OFFICER FINCH: All right.
1144
00:47:42,026 --> 00:47:44,160
These were a couple
pair of pants
1145
00:47:44,162 --> 00:47:49,298
from murder victims from
a 1990s orgy gone bad.
1146
00:47:49,300 --> 00:47:51,820
We got semen-stained
or blood-stained.
1147
00:47:52,303 --> 00:47:54,623
Take your pick.
What's it gonna be?
1148
00:47:55,974 --> 00:47:57,974
Blood. Semen it is.
1149
00:48:00,545 --> 00:48:02,044
Hey, there he is. No.
1150
00:48:03,648 --> 00:48:05,348
Don't even fucking talk to me.
1151
00:48:05,350 --> 00:48:07,984
Oh. Look, I know things
got a little chaotic,
1152
00:48:07,986 --> 00:48:09,652
but I'm so close with Lenore...
1153
00:48:09,654 --> 00:48:11,520
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
1154
00:48:11,522 --> 00:48:14,123
I'm about to get fucking
married, Grandpa!
1155
00:48:14,125 --> 00:48:16,025
In one week! To a Jewish girl!
1156
00:48:16,027 --> 00:48:18,127
And I just woke up
in fucking jail
1157
00:48:18,129 --> 00:48:21,230
with a bunch of penises
on my forehead
1158
00:48:21,232 --> 00:48:23,073
in the shape of a swastika!
1159
00:48:24,102 --> 00:48:26,582
Could call it a swasticock.
1160
00:48:27,205 --> 00:48:29,238
What? It's a play on words.
1161
00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:30,321
Oh, it's a play on words.
1162
00:48:31,676 --> 00:48:32,676
A play on words.
1163
00:48:35,346 --> 00:48:36,913
Play on these words.
1164
00:48:36,915 --> 00:48:38,180
I'm dropping you off
1165
00:48:38,182 --> 00:48:40,683
at your old army vet
buddy's house,
1166
00:48:40,685 --> 00:48:42,985
he's gonna drive you
to fucking Boca.
1167
00:48:42,987 --> 00:48:44,627
Because I'm fucking
done with you.
1168
00:48:47,632 --> 00:48:49,392
What the fuck
are you looking at?
1169
00:48:49,394 --> 00:48:51,635
I can't help
staring at your tits.
1170
00:48:52,230 --> 00:48:53,696
Pow!
1171
00:48:53,698 --> 00:48:55,418
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
1172
00:49:00,004 --> 00:49:02,672
You know, Stinky
had more confirmed kills
1173
00:49:02,674 --> 00:49:06,275
than anyone in our platoon
back in 'Nam? 118.
1174
00:49:06,277 --> 00:49:07,557
Shut the fuck up.
1175
00:49:09,414 --> 00:49:10,980
What is this place?
1176
00:49:10,982 --> 00:49:12,515
I don't know. Or care.
1177
00:49:12,517 --> 00:49:14,050
At least just come in with me.
1178
00:49:14,052 --> 00:49:15,492
Let's make sure
it's the right house.
1179
00:49:15,620 --> 00:49:16,686
After you.
1180
00:49:18,189 --> 00:49:19,270
Grandson of the year.
1181
00:49:21,125 --> 00:49:22,765
Your grandmother's
ashes are in there.
1182
00:49:25,496 --> 00:49:27,536
She's in a coffin. Fuck you!
1183
00:49:30,034 --> 00:49:32,114
Oh, well,
better late than never.
1184
00:49:32,971 --> 00:49:34,637
Yeah! Fuck them up, ALF!
1185
00:49:35,573 --> 00:49:36,813
Motherfucker!
1186
00:49:37,742 --> 00:49:40,109
Stinky?
1187
00:49:40,111 --> 00:49:42,312
What the fuck are you
doing here, Dick?
1188
00:49:43,014 --> 00:49:44,246
Oh, this?
1189
00:49:45,550 --> 00:49:46,983
Nah, this is liver failure.
1190
00:49:50,421 --> 00:49:52,188
Who's the lesbian?
1191
00:49:52,190 --> 00:49:53,230
That's my grandson, Jason.
1192
00:49:54,125 --> 00:49:55,591
Yeah?
1193
00:49:55,593 --> 00:49:58,094
Is he here to scissor with me?
1194
00:49:58,096 --> 00:49:59,695
Okay, that's just
offensive to lesbians.
1195
00:49:59,697 --> 00:50:02,131
I am very sorry, k.d. lang.
1196
00:50:03,568 --> 00:50:05,568
Time for Bingo!
1197
00:50:05,570 --> 00:50:07,370
Come on. Stinky, we got to get
you the fuck out of here.
1198
00:50:07,372 --> 00:50:09,005
Come on, let's go.
1199
00:50:09,007 --> 00:50:12,408
Uh, I got one fucking
month left, Dick!
1200
00:50:12,410 --> 00:50:15,511
I don't want you to
remember me like this, man.
1201
00:50:15,513 --> 00:50:17,480
I want you to remember
me as a warrior.
1202
00:50:17,482 --> 00:50:20,149
Please. Leave me be.
But, Stinky...
1203
00:50:20,151 --> 00:50:22,271
No, no, no...
Just let me finish, Dick.
1204
00:50:23,187 --> 00:50:26,389
Leave me your beautiful
lesbian grandson
1205
00:50:26,391 --> 00:50:28,592
so he can blowjob me to death.
1206
00:50:32,063 --> 00:50:34,383
It's all over for me, Dick.
1207
00:50:35,066 --> 00:50:38,401
You know, all I wanna
do is play Bingo.
1208
00:50:39,570 --> 00:50:40,570
Go.
1209
00:50:42,673 --> 00:50:43,953
NURSE: All ready?
1210
00:50:47,512 --> 00:50:49,645
Bingo! (LAUGHING)
1211
00:50:56,421 --> 00:50:58,781
I'm sorry about
your friend, Grandpa.
1212
00:50:59,557 --> 00:51:00,656
So it comes to this.
1213
00:51:03,127 --> 00:51:06,395
Even before you die,
you just stop living,
1214
00:51:06,397 --> 00:51:08,717
and it's all one fucked-up
facsimile of the real thing.
1215
00:51:15,217 --> 00:51:16,138
We have to go back.
1216
00:51:16,140 --> 00:51:17,140
(SIGHS)
1217
00:51:17,642 --> 00:51:18,723
Yeah. I know.
1218
00:51:20,645 --> 00:51:21,925
I'll drive us home.
1219
00:51:22,346 --> 00:51:23,786
Not Atlanta. Daytona.
1220
00:51:25,450 --> 00:51:26,849
What?
1221
00:51:26,851 --> 00:51:29,118
I have to fuck
that girl, Jason.
1222
00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:32,120
Jesus, Grandpa! I do.
I have to fuck her!
1223
00:51:32,290 --> 00:51:34,290
Grandpa, you're just depressed.
1224
00:51:34,292 --> 00:51:36,652
You're confused right now
because of Grandma.
1225
00:51:36,828 --> 00:51:38,861
Grandma wanted me to do this.
1226
00:51:38,863 --> 00:51:40,429
What? Yeah. She
said when she died,
1227
00:51:40,431 --> 00:51:41,797
she wanted me to move on
1228
00:51:41,799 --> 00:51:43,399
and live my life
the way I wanted to,
1229
00:51:43,401 --> 00:51:45,234
and right now, you know
what I want to do?
1230
00:51:45,236 --> 00:51:47,770
I want to get my dick sucked
by that fucking college girl!
1231
00:51:47,772 --> 00:51:49,738
What is that
going to do for you?
1232
00:51:49,740 --> 00:51:50,873
Is that going to make
you feel young again?
1233
00:51:50,875 --> 00:51:52,408
Yeah! Yeah, what's
wrong with that?
1234
00:51:52,410 --> 00:51:54,376
Yeah?
1235
00:51:54,378 --> 00:51:56,312
Feeling young again?
What do I have?
1236
00:51:56,314 --> 00:51:58,347
A dead wife, dying friends.
1237
00:51:58,349 --> 00:52:00,816
A few fucking good
years left if I'm lucky.
1238
00:52:00,818 --> 00:52:02,698
And you know what?
It fucking freaks me out!
1239
00:52:04,122 --> 00:52:05,122
Yeah.
1240
00:52:07,625 --> 00:52:09,458
Look, I don't expect
you to understand.
1241
00:52:09,460 --> 00:52:10,460
You're young.
1242
00:52:11,129 --> 00:52:12,595
You have a long, long time
1243
00:52:12,597 --> 00:52:14,396
before you have to
look into that abyss.
1244
00:52:14,398 --> 00:52:17,133
But the way I see it,
having sex with that girl
1245
00:52:17,135 --> 00:52:18,868
is my last stand.
1246
00:52:18,870 --> 00:52:20,669
And I can't do it without you.
1247
00:52:20,671 --> 00:52:21,670
So I'm asking you.
1248
00:52:21,672 --> 00:52:23,506
Please, Jason,
1249
00:52:23,508 --> 00:52:25,228
just stay one more day
so I can do this.
1250
00:52:27,545 --> 00:52:28,545
Please.
1251
00:52:31,516 --> 00:52:34,817
(SIGHS)
1252
00:52:34,819 --> 00:52:39,188
Okay, Daytona Beach!
Who's ready for a Flex Off!
1253
00:52:39,190 --> 00:52:41,724
I'm talking about dudes
getting on stage,
1254
00:52:41,726 --> 00:52:42,726
getting ripped!
1255
00:52:44,195 --> 00:52:45,728
Yeah!
1256
00:52:45,730 --> 00:52:47,370
Yes, I'll be home
tomorrow. I promise.
1257
00:52:48,505 --> 00:52:50,666
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
And I know... Yes,
1258
00:52:50,668 --> 00:52:51,589
I know the dinner
is important to the firm...
1259
00:52:51,590 --> 00:52:52,511
Hold on,
I'm getting another call.
1260
00:52:52,512 --> 00:52:53,912
It might be Meredith.
Okay? Bye.
1261
00:52:55,706 --> 00:52:57,373
Hello? DICK: Hey, it's me.
1262
00:52:57,375 --> 00:52:59,216
Someone just stuck
their thumb up my ass.
1263
00:52:59,644 --> 00:53:01,243
What?
1264
00:53:01,245 --> 00:53:02,511
Yeah, I was just
standing right there,
1265
00:53:02,513 --> 00:53:03,980
talking on the phone,
1266
00:53:03,981 --> 00:53:05,448
and someone came
right up behind me
1267
00:53:05,449 --> 00:53:06,916
and stuck their thumb
up my ass.
1268
00:53:06,918 --> 00:53:08,617
Did you see who it was...
Jamba!
1269
00:53:08,619 --> 00:53:10,486
Ow! Fuck! Stop doing that!
1270
00:53:10,488 --> 00:53:11,487
How'd it go on the home front?
1271
00:53:11,489 --> 00:53:12,855
How do you think?
1272
00:53:12,857 --> 00:53:14,137
Come on. Let's go.
1273
00:53:14,926 --> 00:53:15,926
Come on.
1274
00:53:17,795 --> 00:53:20,829
Top Gun in the house!
1275
00:53:20,831 --> 00:53:23,732
We got Maverick!
We got Fat Goose!
1276
00:53:25,336 --> 00:53:27,436
Do we have a challenger?
1277
00:53:27,438 --> 00:53:28,938
Right here! Right here!
1278
00:53:28,940 --> 00:53:30,606
These two! She wants to!
These two.
1279
00:53:30,608 --> 00:53:32,341
Pick her!
1280
00:53:32,343 --> 00:53:33,876
Who will accept
this challenge?
1281
00:53:33,878 --> 00:53:35,277
You go up there,
I'll let you do
1282
00:53:35,279 --> 00:53:37,246
whatever you want
to me tonight.
1283
00:53:37,248 --> 00:53:38,981
All right, I'm doing it. Okay!
1284
00:53:38,983 --> 00:53:41,217
What? Whoo!
1285
00:53:41,219 --> 00:53:42,985
No, no, no! Are you kidding me?
1286
00:53:42,987 --> 00:53:45,754
I saw your body last night,
it's a lot better than Cody's.
1287
00:53:45,756 --> 00:53:47,389
And my body sure
as shit looks better
1288
00:53:47,391 --> 00:53:49,258
than that fucking
Shamu's up there.
1289
00:53:49,260 --> 00:53:50,726
There's, like, 1,000
people out here!
1290
00:53:50,728 --> 00:53:52,448
PAM: A lost old man
has wandered on stage.
1291
00:53:52,797 --> 00:53:54,630
Are you his nurse?
1292
00:53:54,632 --> 00:53:55,965
No. Fuck no.
1293
00:53:55,967 --> 00:53:59,268
Get on stage! Get on stage!
1294
00:53:59,270 --> 00:54:01,870
ALL: (CHANTING)
Get on stage! Get on stage!
1295
00:54:01,872 --> 00:54:04,473
Get on stage! Get on stage!
1296
00:54:04,475 --> 00:54:05,741
Do it for me!
1297
00:54:05,743 --> 00:54:09,511
Get on stage! Get on stage!
1298
00:54:09,513 --> 00:54:10,980
(ALL CHEERING)
1299
00:54:10,982 --> 00:54:13,449
So we have team Top Gun
1300
00:54:13,451 --> 00:54:15,851
versus creepy old guy
and his lesbian daughter.
1301
00:54:16,754 --> 00:54:18,654
(ALL LAUGHING)
1302
00:54:18,656 --> 00:54:22,258
Okay, Daytona Beach,
are you ready to Flex Off?
1303
00:54:22,860 --> 00:54:25,728
Three! Two! One!
1304
00:54:25,730 --> 00:54:26,730
Flex!
1305
00:54:27,872 --> 00:54:30,432
Ooh, having trouble getting
that coat off, Fat Goose?
1306
00:54:30,434 --> 00:54:31,515
Uh...
1307
00:54:32,803 --> 00:54:35,437
PAM: Look at this guy!
1308
00:54:35,439 --> 00:54:37,473
He's like
Mother Teresa's vagina!
1309
00:54:37,475 --> 00:54:38,741
Old and tight!
1310
00:54:40,645 --> 00:54:42,911
Hey, look,
it's Cirque du So Gay!
1311
00:54:42,913 --> 00:54:43,953
(LAUGHS)
1312
00:54:44,882 --> 00:54:46,122
What now?
1313
00:54:48,519 --> 00:54:50,819
PAM: Uh-oh!
Has the old man fallen?
1314
00:54:50,821 --> 00:54:52,788
Uh... Or is it...
1315
00:54:52,790 --> 00:54:54,456
One-armed
motherfucking push-ups!
1316
00:54:54,458 --> 00:54:56,792
Holy shit!
1317
00:54:56,794 --> 00:54:58,827
Lesbian daughter's
getting in on the action!
1318
00:54:58,829 --> 00:55:00,869
I happen to know he
smoked crack last night!
1319
00:55:01,932 --> 00:55:04,052
These push-ups are fuelled
by the devil's candy!
1320
00:55:04,935 --> 00:55:06,855
Unbelievable! (ALL CHEERING)
1321
00:55:08,873 --> 00:55:10,434
Your move, Dolly Parton.
1322
00:55:10,982 --> 00:55:13,542
PAM: What are you gonna
do now, team Top Gun?
1323
00:55:13,544 --> 00:55:15,377
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1324
00:55:15,379 --> 00:55:17,079
And, hey, everybody,
don't forget to stop by.
1325
00:55:17,081 --> 00:55:19,448
Tam Pam Surf Slam in town
1326
00:55:19,450 --> 00:55:21,450
where I'm selling
"beach towels"
1327
00:55:21,452 --> 00:55:23,552
for 50 bucks an ounce.
1328
00:55:23,554 --> 00:55:27,323
"Sun screen"
for 10 bucks a dime bag.
1329
00:55:27,325 --> 00:55:29,625
And I'm also selling meth!
1330
00:55:29,627 --> 00:55:31,694
(ALL CHEERING) Oh!
1331
00:55:31,696 --> 00:55:32,817
Just got married!
1332
00:55:33,998 --> 00:55:36,498
Your move, Viagra Falls.
1333
00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:38,701
Crowd going wild
for team Top Gun!
1334
00:55:40,104 --> 00:55:42,184
Grandpa, I got this. Watch!
1335
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:45,341
Most muscular, on three.
One, two, three.
1336
00:55:46,744 --> 00:55:48,744
(FARTING OVER SPEAKERS)
1337
00:55:48,746 --> 00:55:51,947
Oh! I think this guy
just sharted!
1338
00:55:51,949 --> 00:55:53,882
No, I didn't! Yes!
1339
00:55:53,884 --> 00:55:56,485
Call a lifeguard, I think
there's been a shart attack!
1340
00:55:56,487 --> 00:55:57,753
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1341
00:55:57,755 --> 00:55:58,995
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1342
00:56:00,591 --> 00:56:02,958
(PAM MIMICS HIGH-PITCHED FART)
1343
00:56:06,797 --> 00:56:08,530
I'm not even holding
the mic right now.
1344
00:56:08,532 --> 00:56:09,532
(ALL LAUGHING)
1345
00:56:11,802 --> 00:56:12,835
WOMAN: You suck!
1346
00:56:14,004 --> 00:56:15,938
I have an idea.
1347
00:56:15,940 --> 00:56:18,221
Do you remember that thing we
used to do when I was a kid?
1348
00:56:18,409 --> 00:56:19,409
Yeah.
1349
00:56:21,545 --> 00:56:23,545
One, two, three...
1350
00:56:23,547 --> 00:56:24,813
Hold on, what's this?
1351
00:56:25,916 --> 00:56:28,384
What is going on?
1352
00:56:28,386 --> 00:56:29,985
Oh, my God, what am I seeing?
1353
00:56:30,688 --> 00:56:32,454
(ALL CHEERING)
1354
00:56:32,456 --> 00:56:34,623
Am I on drugs? Of course I am!
1355
00:56:34,625 --> 00:56:36,158
(ALL CHEERING)
1356
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:37,593
But this is still incredible!
1357
00:56:37,595 --> 00:56:39,528
Flex Off history
is being made!
1358
00:56:40,898 --> 00:56:42,531
What's up now, Brah?
1359
00:56:42,533 --> 00:56:43,654
Yeah, what's up now, Brah?
1360
00:56:44,802 --> 00:56:46,435
PAM: Yeah, 'sup now, Brah?
1361
00:56:46,437 --> 00:56:47,803
'Sup now, Brah?
1362
00:56:47,805 --> 00:56:48,971
ALL: (CHANTING) 'Sup now, Brah?
1363
00:56:48,973 --> 00:56:50,072
'Sup now, Brah?
1364
00:56:51,709 --> 00:56:54,176
This is incredible!
Take out your cameras!
1365
00:56:54,178 --> 00:56:56,712
Put this online!
This shit is going viral!
1366
00:56:57,748 --> 00:56:59,882
Shit. Let me down.
1367
00:57:01,342 --> 00:57:03,302
Did everybody
get a picture of that?
1368
00:57:03,303 --> 00:57:03,952
What the fuck are you doing?
1369
00:57:03,954 --> 00:57:05,988
I can't do this... What?
1370
00:57:05,990 --> 00:57:07,456
God... The winners
1371
00:57:07,458 --> 00:57:09,425
of the Alpha Delta Flex Off...
1372
00:57:09,427 --> 00:57:11,126
Wait a minute!
Where are you going? Wh...
1373
00:57:11,128 --> 00:57:12,094
Guys? Hey! Where are you going?
1374
00:57:12,096 --> 00:57:13,729
Jason!
1375
00:57:13,731 --> 00:57:14,797
PAM: You can't just
leave me here like this.
1376
00:57:14,799 --> 00:57:15,898
Why'd you stop?
We were winning!
1377
00:57:15,900 --> 00:57:17,800
JASON: Because I'm a lawyer!
1378
00:57:17,802 --> 00:57:19,735
I can't have people taking pictures
of me doing stuff like this.
1379
00:57:19,737 --> 00:57:22,171
Can you imagine if the firm
saw something like that?
1380
00:57:22,173 --> 00:57:25,574
PAM: By default, the winner
of the Flex Off is...
1381
00:57:25,576 --> 00:57:26,708
Bring the cup home, baby!
1382
00:57:26,710 --> 00:57:27,776
These two dildos.
1383
00:57:27,778 --> 00:57:29,011
(CROWD BOOING)
1384
00:57:30,714 --> 00:57:32,594
Every single day,
my career's in jeopardy...
1385
00:57:33,064 --> 00:57:35,184
What are you doing?
I'm taking the regulator off
1386
00:57:35,186 --> 00:57:37,226
the pneumatic
propulsion system.
1387
00:57:37,855 --> 00:57:39,555
Give me a beer.
1388
00:57:39,557 --> 00:57:41,798
Grandpa, what did you
really do for the army?
1389
00:57:42,726 --> 00:57:43,559
I told you, I was a mechanic.
1390
00:57:43,561 --> 00:57:45,727
Bullshit.
1391
00:57:45,729 --> 00:57:48,797
You speak Arabic.
You hotwired a golf cart.
1392
00:57:48,799 --> 00:57:49,799
Tell me the truth.
1393
00:57:51,168 --> 00:57:54,102
All right,
I was Special Forces!
1394
00:57:54,104 --> 00:57:56,472
I trained insurgents behind enemy
lines from Vietnam to Iraq.
1395
00:57:56,474 --> 00:57:57,206
Now give me the fucking
beer can! Come on!
1396
00:57:58,042 --> 00:57:59,708
(BOTH CHEERING)
1397
00:57:59,710 --> 00:58:00,870
PAM: Look at this dummy!
1398
00:58:01,245 --> 00:58:02,245
What an idiot!
1399
00:58:03,714 --> 00:58:04,714
(GROANS)
1400
00:58:07,818 --> 00:58:09,051
Whoo!
1401
00:58:09,053 --> 00:58:12,020
Yeah! Do it again!
1402
00:58:12,022 --> 00:58:14,022
We can change in Cody's room.
I picked his pocket earlier.
1403
00:58:14,024 --> 00:58:16,258
PAM: All right. Nothing
to see here, guys.
1404
00:58:16,260 --> 00:58:18,421
Cops are gonna
come pretty quick.
1405
00:58:19,897 --> 00:58:22,531
No, no, this is his father,
so that's what I'm saying.
1406
00:58:22,533 --> 00:58:24,032
Keep him heavily sedated,
1407
00:58:24,034 --> 00:58:26,635
but don't be afraid to pull
the plug if you have to.
1408
00:58:26,637 --> 00:58:27,917
Thank you, Doctor.
1409
00:58:30,074 --> 00:58:32,941
Okay. They're in the
hospital till tomorrow!
1410
00:58:32,943 --> 00:58:34,583
The room's ours for the night.
1411
00:58:36,046 --> 00:58:38,013
Look at these fucking people.
1412
00:58:38,015 --> 00:58:40,215
How was brunch at
Hitler's house that day?
1413
00:58:40,217 --> 00:58:42,985
Hey, Grandpa, who else
in our family knows
1414
00:58:42,987 --> 00:58:44,787
that you were, uh, Special
Forces or whatever?
1415
00:58:45,656 --> 00:58:48,056
No one, once your
grandmother passed.
1416
00:58:48,058 --> 00:58:49,758
Your father stopped
talking to me
1417
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:51,593
before my missions
were declassified.
1418
00:58:51,595 --> 00:58:53,915
So he always thought
I was just an army mechanic.
1419
00:58:54,865 --> 00:58:56,298
But don't you think
1420
00:58:56,300 --> 00:58:58,033
that you guys would
get along a little better
1421
00:58:58,035 --> 00:58:59,315
if you told him?
1422
00:59:02,540 --> 00:59:04,980
Hey, come on. Let's see
how you look. Come on out.
1423
00:59:09,613 --> 00:59:11,280
First of all,
1424
00:59:11,282 --> 00:59:13,549
nobody wears
a fucking white belt.
1425
00:59:13,551 --> 00:59:15,117
The only people
who wear white belts
1426
00:59:15,119 --> 00:59:16,552
are people who suck at karate
1427
00:59:16,554 --> 00:59:17,686
and people who suck at life.
1428
00:59:17,688 --> 00:59:18,809
Take the fucking belt off.
1429
00:59:20,157 --> 00:59:22,591
And you better lose that
fucking white polo shirt
1430
00:59:22,593 --> 00:59:24,326
and those pleated khaki pants.
1431
00:59:24,328 --> 00:59:26,094
You're meeting up with girls,
not blowing an oil executive
1432
00:59:26,096 --> 00:59:27,177
on a fucking golf course.
1433
00:59:27,932 --> 00:59:28,932
Put these on.
1434
00:59:30,681 --> 00:59:33,201
Well, in case you forgot,
1435
00:59:33,203 --> 00:59:35,571
I don't even have
underwear, from last night.
1436
00:59:35,573 --> 00:59:38,053
All right, just put them on.
I'll turn around.
1437
00:59:39,176 --> 00:59:42,110
Nice dick. Aw, jeez, Grandpa.
1438
00:59:42,112 --> 00:59:44,680
That's a good dick. You
got your grandpa's dick.
1439
00:59:44,682 --> 00:59:47,162
Not the girth, not the
length, but same style.
1440
00:59:48,285 --> 00:59:49,685
That's good to know.
1441
00:59:49,687 --> 00:59:51,019
You're lucky
you're not your dad.
1442
00:59:51,021 --> 00:59:52,061
He's got his mom's dick.
1443
00:59:52,890 --> 00:59:54,323
What the fuck? (LAUGHS)
1444
00:59:54,325 --> 00:59:55,325
Now put your pants on.
1445
00:59:56,226 --> 00:59:58,126
(1950s MUSIC PLAYING)
1446
01:00:08,739 --> 01:00:09,905
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
1447
01:00:11,742 --> 01:00:13,108
Shit. It's Meredith.
1448
01:00:13,110 --> 01:00:14,810
Don't answer it.
1449
01:00:14,812 --> 01:00:16,845
My rehearsal brunch
is this weekend.
1450
01:00:16,847 --> 01:00:19,114
No calls. For one night,
1451
01:00:19,116 --> 01:00:21,183
stop worrying about your wedding.
Please.
1452
01:00:21,185 --> 01:00:23,285
We have two hot, smart,
beautiful college girls
1453
01:00:23,287 --> 01:00:25,320
at the peak of their
sexual powers
1454
01:00:25,322 --> 01:00:28,090
about to meet us at one of the
last great nightclubs in Florida.
1455
01:00:28,092 --> 01:00:29,092
Worry about them.
1456
01:00:30,861 --> 01:00:31,861
(SIGHS)
1457
01:00:32,296 --> 01:00:33,296
Okay.
1458
01:00:34,865 --> 01:00:36,145
(WOMEN CHEERING)
1459
01:00:36,367 --> 01:00:38,634
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1460
01:00:54,318 --> 01:00:56,718
I don't think you're very
popular here, Grandpa.
1461
01:00:56,720 --> 01:00:57,953
Hey. You're the one that's
going to have to watch out.
1462
01:00:58,756 --> 01:00:59,788
You might get Oreo'd.
1463
01:01:00,891 --> 01:01:02,424
Oreo'd?
1464
01:01:02,426 --> 01:01:04,292
That's when two black guys
fuck a white guy.
1465
01:01:04,294 --> 01:01:05,814
You're the cream in the middle.
1466
01:01:06,664 --> 01:01:08,764
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1467
01:01:18,809 --> 01:01:19,908
DICK: Game on.
1468
01:01:22,379 --> 01:01:23,979
Hey! Glad you guys made it.
1469
01:01:23,981 --> 01:01:25,881
Let's go get fucked up. Right?
1470
01:01:25,883 --> 01:01:26,948
My stepdad hates me!
1471
01:01:27,751 --> 01:01:29,017
(CHUCKLES)
1472
01:01:29,019 --> 01:01:30,259
Let's go!
1473
01:01:39,249 --> 01:01:40,929
Party till you're pregnant!
1474
01:01:40,931 --> 01:01:41,931
(ALL WHOOPING)
1475
01:01:44,968 --> 01:01:47,649
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) Oh,
my God, I love this song!
1476
01:01:48,238 --> 01:01:49,971
You're not gonna
die on me, are you?
1477
01:01:49,973 --> 01:01:51,774
I don't think so. All right!
1478
01:01:59,349 --> 01:02:01,389
Come on. Oh, no. No.
1479
01:02:13,230 --> 01:02:14,996
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1480
01:02:33,817 --> 01:02:36,498
Oh, yeah. You want it? Come
here, give me that hat!
1481
01:02:38,088 --> 01:02:39,454
BRADLEY: Oh, my God...
1482
01:02:39,456 --> 01:02:40,756
(BRADLEY WHIMPERS)
1483
01:02:42,192 --> 01:02:43,872
Give me that! What is this?
1484
01:02:44,261 --> 01:02:45,494
Hey! Hey, hey, hey...
1485
01:02:46,864 --> 01:02:48,665
Leave my illegitimate
black son alone.
1486
01:02:49,500 --> 01:02:51,420
We were just
asking him to dance.
1487
01:02:52,002 --> 01:02:53,401
Well, he don't wanna dance.
1488
01:02:53,403 --> 01:02:55,443
Well, maybe you
wanna dance instead.
1489
01:02:57,523 --> 01:02:58,023
I don't wanna dance...
Colonel Sanders!
1490
01:02:58,024 --> 01:02:59,264
It's all right. It's all right.
1491
01:02:59,409 --> 01:03:01,843
Let's not dirty this place up.
1492
01:03:01,845 --> 01:03:05,046
It's a shrine. Sinatra sang here.
Parking lot?
1493
01:03:10,354 --> 01:03:12,854
It'll be fine.
1494
01:03:12,856 --> 01:03:14,936
How is this going to be fine?
Look at this crew.
1495
01:03:16,927 --> 01:03:18,207
Come on. We have
a good crew too.
1496
01:03:19,396 --> 01:03:20,529
We have no crew.
1497
01:03:21,565 --> 01:03:22,898
We have no crew.
1498
01:03:23,567 --> 01:03:24,933
Are we going to J.Crew?
1499
01:03:25,936 --> 01:03:27,216
Fuck J.Crew.
1500
01:03:29,506 --> 01:03:31,139
Don't do this.
1501
01:03:31,141 --> 01:03:32,974
I think I'm going to
have to fight them all,
1502
01:03:32,976 --> 01:03:34,442
so you're going to have
to take the first punch.
1503
01:03:34,444 --> 01:03:36,564
What? Okay! He's up first.
1504
01:03:37,614 --> 01:03:39,815
Whatever. (CROWD EXCLAIMING)
1505
01:03:39,817 --> 01:03:41,483
You like that shit, white boy?
1506
01:03:41,485 --> 01:03:42,951
Dude, what the fuck
is wrong with you?
1507
01:03:42,953 --> 01:03:44,920
What? You want next, bitch?
(BODIES THUDDING)
1508
01:03:44,922 --> 01:03:47,455
Hey, I thought I had next.
(ALL GROANING)
1509
01:03:57,935 --> 01:03:58,967
(GROANS)
1510
01:04:01,839 --> 01:04:04,105
(SCREAMS)
1511
01:04:04,107 --> 01:04:06,908
Tell him you're sorry you made
fun of him for being gay.
1512
01:04:06,910 --> 01:04:08,176
(BONES CRACKING) (GROANS)
1513
01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:10,979
I'm sorry I made fun
of you for being gay!
1514
01:04:10,981 --> 01:04:13,281
Tell him you were raised
in a different era,
1515
01:04:13,283 --> 01:04:15,116
but now you know it's
wrong to judge people
1516
01:04:15,118 --> 01:04:17,452
based on their
sexual orientation.
1517
01:04:17,454 --> 01:04:19,020
And that if you had to
be gay with someone
1518
01:04:19,022 --> 01:04:20,522
for some reason,
1519
01:04:20,524 --> 01:04:22,490
you know, to prevent a
terrorist attack or something,
1520
01:04:22,492 --> 01:04:23,652
it would be with him.
1521
01:04:24,194 --> 01:04:26,294
What? Ow!
1522
01:04:26,296 --> 01:04:27,296
Say it.
1523
01:04:28,999 --> 01:04:32,901
(STRAINING) If I had to
be gay with somebody
1524
01:04:32,903 --> 01:04:35,170
to prevent a terrorist attack,
1525
01:04:35,172 --> 01:04:36,538
it would be you!
1526
01:04:36,540 --> 01:04:37,661
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
1527
01:04:39,042 --> 01:04:41,109
Apology accepted.
1528
01:04:41,111 --> 01:04:42,111
Okay.
1529
01:04:44,114 --> 01:04:46,234
Get out of here
before I use my other arm.
1530
01:04:47,384 --> 01:04:48,650
(PANTING)
1531
01:04:49,519 --> 01:04:50,519
This ain't over.
1532
01:04:51,021 --> 01:04:53,955
Ooh! Oh!
1533
01:04:53,957 --> 01:04:56,357
Now fuck off and
take Jodeci with you.
1534
01:04:56,994 --> 01:04:58,234
Let's roll.
1535
01:05:03,200 --> 01:05:06,434
Ah, it's too bad Lenore barfed
all over herself tonight.
1536
01:05:06,436 --> 01:05:08,036
I definitely could have
had sex with her.
1537
01:05:08,672 --> 01:05:10,605
Yup.
1538
01:05:10,607 --> 01:05:13,208
I probably could have
still had sex
1539
01:05:13,210 --> 01:05:14,626
if she just threw up
on her front,
1540
01:05:14,627 --> 01:05:16,043
but she somehow got
it all over her back,
1541
01:05:16,046 --> 01:05:17,326
and I would have felt bad.
1542
01:05:18,415 --> 01:05:19,948
Well, chivalry isn't dead.
1543
01:05:21,992 --> 01:05:24,552
I like the way you took
that haymaker tonight.
1544
01:05:24,554 --> 01:05:27,622
Sometimes you just gotta take
that punch up front, you know?
1545
01:05:27,624 --> 01:05:29,785
Then things get easier
in the long run.
1546
01:05:34,464 --> 01:05:36,431
"De Oppresso Liber."
1547
01:05:36,433 --> 01:05:37,432
It's written on your knife too.
1548
01:05:37,434 --> 01:05:38,434
What does that mean?
1549
01:05:39,503 --> 01:05:43,371
Hey, lights out
after 12:00, boys.
1550
01:05:43,373 --> 01:05:44,673
I better not catch you swimming
1551
01:05:44,675 --> 01:05:46,435
across the lake
to the girls' camp, okay?
1552
01:05:47,110 --> 01:05:48,510
Night. Good night.
1553
01:05:50,247 --> 01:05:51,247
(DOOR CLOSES)
1554
01:05:53,943 --> 01:05:56,184
You know, maybe I'll
find something to do
1555
01:05:56,186 --> 01:05:58,086
with Shadia tomorrow
1556
01:05:58,088 --> 01:06:00,221
and give you and Lenore
a little more alone time.
1557
01:06:00,624 --> 01:06:01,723
(SIGHS)
1558
01:06:04,861 --> 01:06:07,062
I kind of feel like we're
just getting in your way.
1559
01:06:07,064 --> 01:06:08,344
Yeah?
1560
01:06:09,232 --> 01:06:11,066
I'm sure there's something...
1561
01:06:11,068 --> 01:06:13,001
What the fuck?
Did you just get naked?
1562
01:06:13,329 --> 01:06:15,570
Well, it's the best
way to sleep.
1563
01:06:15,572 --> 01:06:18,106
Oh, my God!
1564
01:06:18,108 --> 01:06:20,508
I picked it up in Uganda
from the Umbatdo.
1565
01:06:20,510 --> 01:06:22,744
Umbat-don't let your junk
touch my leg again
1566
01:06:22,746 --> 01:06:24,146
or you're sleeping
on the floor.
1567
01:06:25,349 --> 01:06:26,549
Night.
1568
01:06:27,451 --> 01:06:28,451
Night.
1569
01:06:41,064 --> 01:06:43,225
DICK: (WHISPERING) Jason...
1570
01:06:44,201 --> 01:06:45,600
The fuck! Oh, my God!
1571
01:06:51,341 --> 01:06:53,475
(CAMERA CLICKS)
1572
01:06:53,477 --> 01:06:54,776
What do these guys want to cut
all the trees down for anyway?
1573
01:06:54,778 --> 01:06:56,411
For some stupid, like,
1574
01:06:56,413 --> 01:06:58,613
massive, tacky
entertainment complex.
1575
01:06:58,615 --> 01:07:00,181
You know, the ones with,
like, arcades
1576
01:07:00,183 --> 01:07:02,150
and laser tag.
That sort of thing.
1577
01:07:02,152 --> 01:07:04,652
Laser tag? I love laser tag.
Yeah.
1578
01:07:04,654 --> 01:07:06,454
When does it open?
Nice. Thanks a lot.
1579
01:07:06,456 --> 01:07:08,423
Shadia! Hi, Griz.
1580
01:07:08,425 --> 01:07:12,027
Oh, my God, your pics from
the Boston rally look amazing!
1581
01:07:12,029 --> 01:07:13,149
Thank you. Yeah. Absolutely.
1582
01:07:13,730 --> 01:07:16,064
Sweet Hacky Sack, man.
1583
01:07:16,066 --> 01:07:18,199
It's not a Hacky Sack, dawg.
That's the trade name.
1584
01:07:18,201 --> 01:07:20,769
It's an organic
hemp-seed foot satchel.
1585
01:07:20,771 --> 01:07:23,204
And what's someone from the fucking
laser tag lobby doing here?
1586
01:07:23,206 --> 01:07:24,372
No, I'm just
a friend of Shadia's.
1587
01:07:24,374 --> 01:07:26,408
Just a friend.
1588
01:07:26,410 --> 01:07:28,176
That's pretty cool, man.
What is that, a dance ball?
1589
01:07:28,178 --> 01:07:30,445
Fuck! What the fuck?
(ALL LAUGHING)
1590
01:07:30,447 --> 01:07:32,480
You're fucking kidding me.
(MOCKINGLY) Dancing ball...
1591
01:07:32,482 --> 01:07:34,482
(MIMICS GUNS FIRING)
What the fuck!
1592
01:07:34,484 --> 01:07:36,084
It's a 4-inch acrylic
juggling orb!
1593
01:07:36,086 --> 01:07:37,519
Dick.
1594
01:07:37,521 --> 01:07:41,122
Um... I'll see you guys,
uh, next weekend.
1595
01:07:41,124 --> 01:07:42,657
GRIZ: Absolutely. Absolutely.
Yeah? Okay. Bye.
1596
01:07:42,659 --> 01:07:43,658
WOMAN: Love your necklace.
1597
01:07:43,660 --> 01:07:44,781
Bye.
1598
01:07:48,732 --> 01:07:49,732
Hey, Griz...
1599
01:07:51,194 --> 01:07:52,834
Don't touch that,
it's from Laser Tag.
1600
01:07:52,836 --> 01:07:54,569
Sorry.
1601
01:07:54,571 --> 01:07:55,670
They're good people. I swear.
1602
01:07:55,672 --> 01:07:56,872
Let me see that.
1603
01:07:57,114 --> 01:07:59,474
Where are you going
with these "good people"?
1604
01:07:59,476 --> 01:08:00,675
We're heading out to the coast
1605
01:08:00,677 --> 01:08:02,444
to, um, charter
a boat for the year.
1606
01:08:03,212 --> 01:08:04,813
For the year? Yeah.
1607
01:08:04,815 --> 01:08:06,381
(CHUCKLES) To do what?
1608
01:08:06,383 --> 01:08:07,649
We're documenting the effects
1609
01:08:07,651 --> 01:08:10,131
of climate change
out on the ocean.
1610
01:08:10,620 --> 01:08:12,540
Aren't you supposed
to graduate next weekend?
1611
01:08:13,523 --> 01:08:14,604
Yeah.
1612
01:08:15,592 --> 01:08:17,112
(CLICKS) (LAUGHS)
1613
01:08:18,495 --> 01:08:20,495
Seems to me like you're
running from something.
1614
01:08:21,865 --> 01:08:23,798
Come on, haven't you
had to make sacrifices
1615
01:08:23,800 --> 01:08:25,800
to get where you are
as a photographer?
1616
01:08:25,836 --> 01:08:27,116
I mean, yeah, but...
1617
01:08:28,872 --> 01:08:30,152
That's different.
1618
01:08:31,708 --> 01:08:32,948
Look at this.
1619
01:08:38,782 --> 01:08:40,281
I hate photos of myself.
1620
01:08:40,884 --> 01:08:41,884
Why?
1621
01:08:42,786 --> 01:08:44,026
You look beautiful.
1622
01:08:46,690 --> 01:08:47,730
See?
1623
01:08:58,435 --> 01:08:59,634
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1624
01:09:02,372 --> 01:09:03,372
Hey.
1625
01:09:04,774 --> 01:09:06,141
Wait, just calm down.
1626
01:09:06,610 --> 01:09:08,309
What?
1627
01:09:08,311 --> 01:09:10,071
Shit. Yeah,
we'll be right there.
1628
01:09:10,914 --> 01:09:13,075
What's going on? We gotta go.
1629
01:09:13,583 --> 01:09:15,550
And then I came back
from the bathroom
1630
01:09:15,552 --> 01:09:17,385
and all those black
guys from the club
1631
01:09:17,387 --> 01:09:19,754
were, like, standing around
Lenore and Dr. Richards
1632
01:09:19,756 --> 01:09:21,656
and they were yelling at
them and threatening them
1633
01:09:21,658 --> 01:09:23,258
and they, like, kidnapped them!
1634
01:09:23,260 --> 01:09:25,260
And I think one
of them had a gun!
1635
01:09:25,262 --> 01:09:26,394
Did you see
where they took them?
1636
01:09:26,396 --> 01:09:27,829
No. (CELL PHONE BUZZING)
1637
01:09:27,831 --> 01:09:28,830
Those guys are staying
at The Tillman.
1638
01:09:28,832 --> 01:09:30,265
And that's all I know.
1639
01:09:30,267 --> 01:09:31,267
Okay. Come on!
1640
01:09:32,302 --> 01:09:34,103
Come on! Shit!
1641
01:09:38,575 --> 01:09:39,674
What?
1642
01:09:39,676 --> 01:09:41,409
(SNIFFING)
1643
01:09:41,411 --> 01:09:42,410
(WHISPERING) I smell marijuana.
1644
01:09:42,412 --> 01:09:43,493
BRADLEY: Mmm-hmm.
1645
01:09:46,589 --> 01:09:48,750
What are you going to
do with a bucket?
1646
01:09:48,752 --> 01:09:50,585
I don't know!
1647
01:09:50,587 --> 01:09:52,453
Okay, on three. Ready?
1648
01:09:53,590 --> 01:09:55,623
One, two, three!
1649
01:09:57,961 --> 01:09:59,961
Okay, let me try one more time.
1650
01:09:59,963 --> 01:10:02,664
The GZA, the RZA,
1651
01:10:04,601 --> 01:10:05,722
Ol' Dirty Bastard.
1652
01:10:06,589 --> 01:10:07,869
What's going on?
1653
01:10:07,871 --> 01:10:09,704
Gang stuff.
1654
01:10:09,706 --> 01:10:11,773
Raekwon the Chef!
(ALL CHEERING)
1655
01:10:11,775 --> 01:10:13,575
And the Method Man!
1656
01:10:17,847 --> 01:10:20,615
Hey! Here they are!
How was the protest?
1657
01:10:20,617 --> 01:10:22,483
Uh, it was good.
1658
01:10:22,485 --> 01:10:23,606
Yeah, it was good.
1659
01:10:24,788 --> 01:10:27,522
This is Lamar,
Lil' Chris, Big Chris,
1660
01:10:27,524 --> 01:10:29,591
Murray Finkelstein.
1661
01:10:29,593 --> 01:10:31,759
And, of course, you've
already met Ty-rizone.
1662
01:10:31,761 --> 01:10:34,262
(CHUCKLES)
That nigga's crazy, man.
1663
01:10:34,264 --> 01:10:35,363
Yeah, what's with
the N-word, anyway?
1664
01:10:35,365 --> 01:10:36,631
I can say it. I can't say it...
1665
01:10:36,633 --> 01:10:38,466
You can say it
when we let you say it.
1666
01:10:38,468 --> 01:10:40,568
Which is never.
1667
01:10:40,570 --> 01:10:43,010
Just never say that
under any circumstances.
1668
01:10:43,673 --> 01:10:44,939
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1669
01:10:46,810 --> 01:10:47,891
MAN: Oh! Shotgun!
1670
01:10:50,313 --> 01:10:51,313
(LAUGHS)
1671
01:10:51,982 --> 01:10:53,982
What the fuck is going on?
1672
01:10:53,984 --> 01:10:55,516
I thought these guys
wanted to kill you!
1673
01:10:55,518 --> 01:10:56,651
Lebanese Red.
1674
01:10:58,108 --> 01:10:59,988
I had some of this left over
1675
01:10:59,990 --> 01:11:01,356
from my time
in the Middle East.
1676
01:11:01,358 --> 01:11:02,857
You throw some of
this shit around,
1677
01:11:02,859 --> 01:11:03,958
you can really
get away with anything.
1678
01:11:03,960 --> 01:11:05,526
Have some.
1679
01:11:05,528 --> 01:11:07,495
You're smoking grass now?
1680
01:11:07,497 --> 01:11:09,831
Jesus, this is a
gateway drug, Grandpa.
1681
01:11:09,833 --> 01:11:11,766
Yeah, well, you just opened
the gateway to being a pussy.
1682
01:11:11,768 --> 01:11:12,734
Take some. Yo, D.
1683
01:11:12,736 --> 01:11:14,369
Let's fucking bounce!
1684
01:11:14,371 --> 01:11:16,004
Let's fucking bounce!
1685
01:11:16,006 --> 01:11:17,166
JASON: Where?
1686
01:11:18,676 --> 01:11:21,676
(RAPPING) ♪ And
everything is all right
1687
01:11:21,678 --> 01:11:26,014
♪ I got a beep from Kim
And she can fuck all night
1688
01:11:26,016 --> 01:11:28,616
♪ Called up the homies
and I'm asking y'all
1689
01:11:28,618 --> 01:11:31,786
♪ Which park are y'all
playing basketball?
1690
01:11:31,788 --> 01:11:34,422
♪ Get me on the court
and I'm trouble
1691
01:11:34,424 --> 01:11:36,904
♪ Last week fucked around
And got a triple double.
1692
01:11:37,560 --> 01:11:39,560
Can I say it? Can I say it?
1693
01:11:39,562 --> 01:11:41,362
No! No, no.
1694
01:11:41,364 --> 01:11:43,431
Say it! Say that shit!
1695
01:11:43,433 --> 01:11:45,466
♪ Freaking niggas
every way like MJ
1696
01:11:45,468 --> 01:11:46,834
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1697
01:11:48,872 --> 01:11:51,153
♪ I can't believe
today was a good day ♪
1698
01:11:51,381 --> 01:11:53,941
I'm totally gonna
fuck him tonight.
1699
01:11:53,943 --> 01:11:55,677
Uh-huh. Can I watch?
1700
01:11:55,679 --> 01:11:57,480
'Cause I kind of want
to fuck him too now.
1701
01:11:59,716 --> 01:12:02,083
Drop the mic, baby!
Drop the mic, baby!
1702
01:12:02,085 --> 01:12:03,384
That's what I'm talking about!
1703
01:12:03,386 --> 01:12:04,652
Peace out, niggas!
1704
01:12:04,654 --> 01:12:05,753
I see you, boy. (GRUNTS)
1705
01:12:05,755 --> 01:12:06,755
Nasty!
1706
01:12:10,393 --> 01:12:13,094
Up next we have
Shadia and Jason!
1707
01:12:13,096 --> 01:12:14,395
Yep, that's us now.
1708
01:12:15,398 --> 01:12:16,964
What? No. No, no, no, no.
1709
01:12:17,787 --> 01:12:19,667
No... Come on.
1710
01:12:19,669 --> 01:12:21,336
We can't top that.
I don't want to do this.
1711
01:12:21,338 --> 01:12:22,670
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
1712
01:12:22,672 --> 01:12:26,040
You know the song.
You know every word. See?
1713
01:12:27,386 --> 01:12:29,587
You're going to make me
do it all alone?
1714
01:12:29,612 --> 01:12:30,693
Fine.
1715
01:12:32,615 --> 01:12:33,655
Hey.
1716
01:12:34,884 --> 01:12:38,653
♪ For all those times
you stood by me
1717
01:12:38,655 --> 01:12:42,090
♪ For all the truth
that you made me see
1718
01:12:42,092 --> 01:12:46,127
♪ For all the joy
you brought to my life
1719
01:12:46,129 --> 01:12:48,930
♪ For all the wrong
that you made right
1720
01:12:50,100 --> 01:12:53,801
♪ For every dream
you made come true
1721
01:12:53,803 --> 01:12:58,072
♪ For all the love
I found in you
1722
01:12:58,074 --> 01:13:02,677
♪ I'll be forever
thankful, baby
1723
01:13:02,679 --> 01:13:06,047
♪ You're the one
who held me up
1724
01:13:06,049 --> 01:13:10,084
♪ And never let me fall
Yeah, yeah
1725
01:13:10,086 --> 01:13:13,621
♪ You're the one
who saw me through
1726
01:13:13,623 --> 01:13:16,391
♪ Through it all
1727
01:13:16,393 --> 01:13:20,395
♪ You were my strength
when I was weak
1728
01:13:20,397 --> 01:13:23,898
♪ You were my voice
when I couldn't speak
1729
01:13:23,900 --> 01:13:27,969
♪ You were my eyes
when I couldn't see
1730
01:13:27,971 --> 01:13:31,472
♪ You saw the best
there was in me
1731
01:13:31,474 --> 01:13:35,510
♪ Lifted me up
when I couldn't reach
1732
01:13:35,512 --> 01:13:39,614
♪ You gave me faith
'cause you believed
1733
01:13:39,616 --> 01:13:42,750
♪ I'm everything I am.
1734
01:13:45,648 --> 01:13:46,888
Damn!
1735
01:13:46,890 --> 01:13:49,791
♪ Because you loved me ♪
1736
01:13:54,731 --> 01:13:55,731
(EXHALES)
1737
01:13:58,601 --> 01:13:59,700
Who are you?
1738
01:14:02,939 --> 01:14:05,973
SHADIA: I'm just saying,
who sings that well
1739
01:14:05,975 --> 01:14:07,809
and isn't
a professional singer?
1740
01:14:07,811 --> 01:14:10,478
You're so good at singing
you actually suck!
1741
01:14:10,480 --> 01:14:12,013
You guys want to come up
for a nightcap?
1742
01:14:12,015 --> 01:14:13,214
Yeah, well...
1743
01:14:13,216 --> 01:14:15,883
See if shit gets real?
1744
01:14:17,620 --> 01:14:20,555
Well, uh, young
Michael Buble and I
1745
01:14:20,557 --> 01:14:22,838
are gonna have a stogie
by the pool, so...
1746
01:14:22,926 --> 01:14:24,007
Okay.
1747
01:14:25,228 --> 01:14:26,589
See you up there? Yeah.
1748
01:14:32,556 --> 01:14:35,036
I want you to know
how much I appreciate
1749
01:14:35,038 --> 01:14:37,438
you doing this for me, Jason.
1750
01:14:38,028 --> 01:14:40,508
The greatest gift a grandson
can give his grandfather
1751
01:14:40,510 --> 01:14:41,976
is a hot college girl who
1752
01:14:41,978 --> 01:14:44,378
wants to have unprotected sex
with him before he dies.
1753
01:14:45,748 --> 01:14:48,883
Yeah, well, most grandpas
just want toffee.
1754
01:14:51,654 --> 01:14:53,187
(SIGHS)
1755
01:14:53,189 --> 01:14:54,469
What's the matter?
1756
01:14:56,759 --> 01:14:58,399
I think I'm gonna
call off my wedding.
1757
01:15:01,764 --> 01:15:06,000
Well, when you get married,
it's for a long fucking time.
1758
01:15:06,002 --> 01:15:07,282
And it's hard.
1759
01:15:07,990 --> 01:15:10,271
So it damn well
better be with a woman
1760
01:15:10,273 --> 01:15:12,514
who keeps things interesting.
1761
01:15:13,042 --> 01:15:14,175
You know your grandmother,
1762
01:15:14,177 --> 01:15:16,418
she tried to grow
her own pot plant once?
1763
01:15:17,286 --> 01:15:19,046
Really? Yeah,
1764
01:15:19,048 --> 01:15:20,248
she just wanted to see
if she could do it.
1765
01:15:20,250 --> 01:15:23,050
(LAUGHS)
1766
01:15:23,052 --> 01:15:26,693
She was always
surprising me like that.
1767
01:15:28,024 --> 01:15:30,424
We also tried anal
once every five years.
1768
01:15:32,161 --> 01:15:33,161
Sweet.
1769
01:15:35,665 --> 01:15:38,105
I miss having someone
to share everything with.
1770
01:15:40,543 --> 01:15:42,303
It's not fair
to just keep Shadia
1771
01:15:42,305 --> 01:15:43,538
in the dark like this.
1772
01:15:45,108 --> 01:15:48,109
Since we started this,
it's just been one big lie.
1773
01:15:48,111 --> 01:15:49,192
She has no idea who I am.
1774
01:15:51,047 --> 01:15:52,487
I have to tell her the truth.
1775
01:15:53,950 --> 01:15:56,684
Uh, well, maybe telling her
tonight is a little abrupt.
1776
01:15:57,960 --> 01:16:00,121
The most important part
of a relationship is trust.
1777
01:16:00,123 --> 01:16:02,123
That's right.
1778
01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:04,759
And I'm going to start now.
1779
01:16:04,761 --> 01:16:07,328
Or you can just wait till I
have sex with Lenore tonight,
1780
01:16:07,330 --> 01:16:09,850
then you can tell
Shadia everything.
1781
01:16:09,899 --> 01:16:11,832
No. I'm just lying.
1782
01:16:11,834 --> 01:16:14,735
Jason, I'm your grandfather!
1783
01:16:14,737 --> 01:16:16,137
You wait till I fuck
that college girl!
1784
01:16:16,139 --> 01:16:18,139
I'm telling her now. Jason...
1785
01:16:18,308 --> 01:16:20,074
Jason! Jason!
1786
01:16:20,076 --> 01:16:21,309
Jason!
1787
01:16:21,311 --> 01:16:22,511
Jason!
1788
01:16:24,914 --> 01:16:25,980
(LAUGHS)
1789
01:16:25,982 --> 01:16:26,982
'Sup, brah?
1790
01:16:29,152 --> 01:16:31,686
Back off, D cups!
1791
01:16:31,688 --> 01:16:34,755
Well, if it isn't
the "Professor."
1792
01:16:34,757 --> 01:16:36,958
You know, it's amazing
what you can find
1793
01:16:36,960 --> 01:16:38,359
with a name and
Google these days.
1794
01:16:38,361 --> 01:16:40,628
You're not a real professor?
1795
01:16:40,630 --> 01:16:42,997
Oh, my God! You lied to us.
How could you.
1796
01:16:42,999 --> 01:16:44,966
Wait, wait, wait,
this is the best part.
1797
01:16:44,968 --> 01:16:46,248
This is the best part.
1798
01:16:47,370 --> 01:16:50,371
Richard "Dick" Kelly,
Lieutenant Colonel
1799
01:16:50,373 --> 01:16:51,653
in the United States Army,
1800
01:16:53,309 --> 01:16:57,044
also known as the American
Gladiator "Nitro."
1801
01:16:57,046 --> 01:16:58,879
What the fuck did you Google?
1802
01:16:58,881 --> 01:17:01,716
Okay, well, there's
another best part then.
1803
01:17:03,753 --> 01:17:08,322
"Jason Patrick Kelly will wed
Meredith Miriam Goldstein"
1804
01:17:08,324 --> 01:17:12,059
"at Jericho Temple
on Saturday, March 27th."
1805
01:17:12,061 --> 01:17:16,330
Oh, wait, that's,
um, next Saturday.
1806
01:17:16,332 --> 01:17:19,967
Wait, you're grandfather
and grandson?
1807
01:17:19,969 --> 01:17:22,169
Oh, my God!
That is so fucked up.
1808
01:17:22,171 --> 01:17:24,571
That is so hot. I mean,
that is so fucked up.
1809
01:17:27,777 --> 01:17:28,943
So...
1810
01:17:31,214 --> 01:17:32,815
Are you getting married
next weekend?
1811
01:17:33,850 --> 01:17:35,770
I was. I was getting married,
1812
01:17:35,779 --> 01:17:38,219
but then I met you,
and now I don't...
1813
01:17:38,221 --> 01:17:39,822
Oh, my God!
No. Don't pull that shit.
1814
01:17:42,392 --> 01:17:44,759
(VOICE BREAKING) I feel fucking
stupid enough as it is.
1815
01:17:49,098 --> 01:17:51,699
So you're not a professor?
Are you even a photographer?
1816
01:17:51,701 --> 01:17:52,967
I'm a lawyer.
1817
01:17:52,969 --> 01:17:54,201
(LAUGHS)
1818
01:17:55,672 --> 01:17:57,873
I handle SEC compliance.
1819
01:17:59,308 --> 01:18:00,741
LLC agreements.
1820
01:18:00,743 --> 01:18:01,976
I came up here to...
1821
01:18:01,978 --> 01:18:03,978
Get the fuck out, Jason.
Seriously.
1822
01:18:03,980 --> 01:18:04,445
Can I have a second to explain?
1823
01:18:04,447 --> 01:18:06,180
No!
1824
01:18:06,182 --> 01:18:08,149
Hold up, hold up.
Not so fast, "Professor."
1825
01:18:10,787 --> 01:18:12,887
For what's it worth,
1826
01:18:12,889 --> 01:18:14,455
I still really
want to fuck you.
1827
01:18:14,457 --> 01:18:16,691
And we're going to fuck.
Yeah, we are.
1828
01:18:16,693 --> 01:18:17,858
We're going to thunder fuck.
1829
01:18:17,860 --> 01:18:19,421
You're gonna
tsunami on my face!
1830
01:18:20,129 --> 01:18:22,163
You're gonna
flood like the Nile.
1831
01:18:22,165 --> 01:18:24,699
Yeah. I guess the drought
in my pussy is finally over.
1832
01:18:24,701 --> 01:18:26,434
The villagers will finally eat.
1833
01:18:26,436 --> 01:18:27,968
You're gonna die
while you're eating me out.
1834
01:18:27,970 --> 01:18:29,771
I want your last breath
to be in my pussy.
1835
01:18:29,772 --> 01:18:31,038
Lenore! You're such a slut.
1836
01:18:31,040 --> 01:18:32,740
BOTH: Police! Shit!
1837
01:18:32,742 --> 01:18:34,742
That's right.
Po-po in the ho-ho.
1838
01:18:34,744 --> 01:18:36,310
OFFICER REITER:
Some kind of ganja party?
1839
01:18:36,312 --> 01:18:37,945
Sorry to harsh your mellows.
1840
01:18:37,947 --> 01:18:39,747
OFFICER FINCH:
Where's my e-vite?
1841
01:18:39,749 --> 01:18:41,082
Is that the jacket? Check the
right coat pocket. Check it, man.
1842
01:18:41,084 --> 01:18:42,349
Okay, turn around. Come on.
1843
01:18:42,351 --> 01:18:43,984
That's my jacket.
That's not his jacket.
1844
01:18:43,986 --> 01:18:45,419
OFFICER FINCH: Up against
the palm. There you go.
1845
01:18:45,420 --> 01:18:46,853
Let's have a look.
What've you got in here? Huh?
1846
01:18:46,856 --> 01:18:48,856
Bingo-bango. OMG.
1847
01:18:48,858 --> 01:18:50,091
What the fuck? That's not mine!
1848
01:18:50,093 --> 01:18:52,860
"What the fuck?"
That's not mine!
1849
01:18:52,862 --> 01:18:54,295
The fuck? Well, it looks
like Spring Break
1850
01:18:54,297 --> 01:18:56,397
is finally drug free!
1851
01:18:56,399 --> 01:18:57,765
Come on, let's go.
Let's go, pretty boy.
1852
01:18:57,767 --> 01:18:59,500
Oh, shall we?
1853
01:18:59,502 --> 01:19:01,736
No, it doesn't go down
that way. Let's go.
1854
01:19:01,738 --> 01:19:03,170
I'll wait for you, Grandpa.
1855
01:19:03,172 --> 01:19:04,905
DICK: Keep that shit
tight for me!
1856
01:19:04,907 --> 01:19:06,187
He's my Henry Miller.
1857
01:19:07,629 --> 01:19:08,909
What the fuck does that mean?
1858
01:19:08,911 --> 01:19:10,144
Exactly!
1859
01:19:10,146 --> 01:19:11,812
(DOOR BUZZING)
1860
01:19:13,116 --> 01:19:15,516
Hey, there he is.
1861
01:19:15,518 --> 01:19:17,485
You got blood on your
pants, you know.
1862
01:19:17,487 --> 01:19:19,487
Your license isn't
even suspended, is it?
1863
01:19:19,489 --> 01:19:21,322
You made all this up just so
I'd come down here with you.
1864
01:19:21,324 --> 01:19:23,444
I had to make sure you'd come.
1865
01:19:23,960 --> 01:19:25,392
Fuck you!
1866
01:19:25,394 --> 01:19:27,394
Just chill, Jason.
Hakuna matata.
1867
01:19:29,899 --> 01:19:32,166
JASON: Who the fuck are you?
1868
01:19:32,168 --> 01:19:33,801
I should have known
you were fucking crazy
1869
01:19:33,803 --> 01:19:35,236
the moment you started
hitting on women
1870
01:19:35,238 --> 01:19:37,171
the day after
Grandma's funeral!
1871
01:19:37,173 --> 01:19:39,073
Don't you fucking judge me.
1872
01:19:39,075 --> 01:19:41,242
You have no idea what I had
with your grandmother.
1873
01:19:41,244 --> 01:19:42,510
And everything I've done
these last few days
1874
01:19:42,512 --> 01:19:44,311
I've done for a reason.
1875
01:19:44,313 --> 01:19:46,480
You were about to fuck up
royally by getting married,
1876
01:19:46,482 --> 01:19:48,115
and you fucking know it!
Oh, yeah?
1877
01:19:48,117 --> 01:19:49,757
What the fuck am I
supposed to do now?
1878
01:19:51,680 --> 01:19:53,320
Chase around some college girl
1879
01:19:53,322 --> 01:19:55,456
that doesn't even want
to fucking talk to me?
1880
01:19:55,458 --> 01:19:57,324
Not know what the fuck I'm
doing for the rest of my life?
1881
01:19:57,326 --> 01:19:58,425
Yeah, because at least
you'd be thinking
1882
01:19:58,427 --> 01:19:59,794
for yourself for a change.
1883
01:19:59,796 --> 01:20:01,195
What the fuck
does that even mean?
1884
01:20:01,197 --> 01:20:03,063
Your father has lorded
over every decision
1885
01:20:03,065 --> 01:20:04,932
you've made in your adult life,
1886
01:20:04,934 --> 01:20:07,168
and Meredith is just
the latest example of that!
1887
01:20:07,170 --> 01:20:09,036
She's not right for you, Jason.
1888
01:20:09,038 --> 01:20:10,871
If you marry her, you're
going to be sleepwalking
1889
01:20:10,873 --> 01:20:12,173
through the rest of your life
and be completely unhappy,
1890
01:20:12,175 --> 01:20:13,541
just like your father!
1891
01:20:13,543 --> 01:20:15,543
I am already
unhappy with my life,
1892
01:20:15,545 --> 01:20:19,079
because I've done nothing
but get fucked by you
1893
01:20:19,081 --> 01:20:21,816
and this insane fuck rampage
that you've been on.
1894
01:20:21,818 --> 01:20:23,818
It wasn't a "fuck
rampage" for me.
1895
01:20:23,820 --> 01:20:25,085
It was a "fuck rampage" for you.
1896
01:20:25,087 --> 01:20:26,554
How? How is this for me?
1897
01:20:26,556 --> 01:20:28,122
I fucked up as a father.
1898
01:20:28,124 --> 01:20:29,390
I wasn't there
to raise your dad
1899
01:20:29,392 --> 01:20:31,392
and he turned into
a materialistic,
1900
01:20:31,394 --> 01:20:34,395
henpecked, poop-dick
country clubber.
1901
01:20:34,397 --> 01:20:35,757
I don't want that
to happen to you.
1902
01:20:36,098 --> 01:20:37,531
So that's what this was?
1903
01:20:39,135 --> 01:20:40,868
(SIGHS)
1904
01:20:40,870 --> 01:20:42,630
I was your last-ditch
redemption project.
1905
01:20:49,045 --> 01:20:50,945
Congratulations, Grandpa.
1906
01:20:50,947 --> 01:20:52,548
You thought you were
a shitty father?
1907
01:20:54,483 --> 01:20:55,916
Now you're
a shitty grandfather.
1908
01:20:59,555 --> 01:21:01,195
I don't want to
see you at my wedding.
1909
01:21:02,258 --> 01:21:03,619
Stay the fuck away from me.
1910
01:21:09,365 --> 01:21:11,098
(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
1911
01:21:47,069 --> 01:21:50,029
So, do you like this
size, or this size?
1912
01:22:00,416 --> 01:22:01,899
(SIGHS)
1913
01:22:01,900 --> 01:22:03,383
Hey, hon, uh,
the people at the venue
1914
01:22:03,386 --> 01:22:05,319
said they don't have
enough mint napkins,
1915
01:22:05,321 --> 01:22:08,689
so which one
do you like better?
1916
01:22:08,691 --> 01:22:11,325
The seafoam or the pistachio?
1917
01:22:12,628 --> 01:22:13,694
(DOORBELL RINGS)
1918
01:22:13,696 --> 01:22:14,696
I'll get it.
1919
01:22:30,313 --> 01:22:32,346
What is it?
1920
01:22:32,348 --> 01:22:34,181
Oh, it's, uh... Just
another wedding present.
1921
01:22:35,037 --> 01:22:37,318
I hope it's that
new big dipping spoon
1922
01:22:37,320 --> 01:22:38,652
from Williams-Sonoma.
1923
01:22:49,732 --> 01:22:54,969
And as a tribute
to Meredith and Jason
1924
01:22:54,971 --> 01:22:56,603
and the love
that you guys share.
1925
01:22:56,605 --> 01:22:58,572
A love I will never know
because my dog
1926
01:22:58,574 --> 01:23:00,341
died the first day
I masturbated.
1927
01:23:00,343 --> 01:23:01,542
So now I can't
get hard unless...
1928
01:23:01,544 --> 01:23:03,828
Okay.
1929
01:23:03,829 --> 01:23:06,389
Also, we've got to stop ISIS.
It's gotten... It's too much.
1930
01:23:09,051 --> 01:23:11,218
Got it. Got it.
1931
01:23:11,220 --> 01:23:15,155
You know, today's
celebration is much more
1932
01:23:15,157 --> 01:23:18,325
than just about the union
of two people,
1933
01:23:18,327 --> 01:23:19,760
it's also about the union
of two families.
1934
01:23:19,762 --> 01:23:21,195
Meredith...
1935
01:23:21,197 --> 01:23:23,077
The Kellys and the Goldsteins.
1936
01:23:24,600 --> 01:23:27,067
Let's have Jason and Meredith
tell their own story.
1937
01:23:28,004 --> 01:23:30,037
(ALL CHEERING)
1938
01:23:32,274 --> 01:23:33,954
NICK: Nice job, Uncle Dave!
1939
01:23:37,613 --> 01:23:39,346
(PLAYING SLOW MUSIC)
1940
01:23:41,617 --> 01:23:45,586
♪ For all those times
you stood by me
1941
01:23:45,588 --> 01:23:49,590
♪ For all the truth
that you made me see
1942
01:23:49,592 --> 01:23:52,526
♪ For all the joy
you brought to my life
1943
01:23:52,528 --> 01:23:54,628
♪ Into my life
1944
01:23:54,630 --> 01:23:57,564
♪ For all the wrong
that you made right
1945
01:23:57,566 --> 01:24:01,368
♪ For every dream
you made come true
1946
01:24:01,370 --> 01:24:03,570
♪ For all the love.
1947
01:24:03,572 --> 01:24:06,140
BOTH: ♪ I found in you
1948
01:24:06,142 --> 01:24:08,042
♪ I'll be...
1949
01:24:08,044 --> 01:24:11,211
♪ You've gotta be
forever thankful, baby
1950
01:24:11,213 --> 01:24:14,615
♪ You're the one
who held me up
1951
01:24:14,617 --> 01:24:17,151
♪ Never let me fall.
1952
01:24:19,722 --> 01:24:21,355
Let's go in for the kill.
1953
01:24:21,357 --> 01:24:24,425
♪ Through it all
1954
01:24:26,562 --> 01:24:28,395
(VOCALIZING)
1955
01:24:31,267 --> 01:24:32,833
You've been hacked.
1956
01:24:32,835 --> 01:24:35,369
♪ You were my strength
when I was weak
1957
01:24:35,371 --> 01:24:37,304
♪ You were my voice...
1958
01:24:37,306 --> 01:24:39,640
♪ When I couldn't speak
1959
01:24:39,642 --> 01:24:43,644
♪ You were my eyes
when I couldn't see
1960
01:24:43,646 --> 01:24:47,581
♪ You saw the best
there was in me
1961
01:24:47,583 --> 01:24:50,751
♪ Lifted me up
when I couldn't reach
1962
01:24:52,121 --> 01:24:53,520
(VOCALIZING)
1963
01:24:56,225 --> 01:24:59,626
♪ I'm everything I am
1964
01:24:59,628 --> 01:25:02,863
♪ Because you loved me ♪
1965
01:25:02,865 --> 01:25:04,264
Because you loved me.
1966
01:25:08,838 --> 01:25:10,137
(EXHALES)
1967
01:25:19,448 --> 01:25:20,448
What the fuck?
1968
01:25:23,686 --> 01:25:25,487
That is not Martha's Vineyard.
1969
01:25:26,455 --> 01:25:27,455
Jason!
1970
01:25:29,491 --> 01:25:31,692
Take it off!
Trying, dear. Trying.
1971
01:25:31,694 --> 01:25:32,826
Leave them on.
1972
01:25:32,828 --> 01:25:34,461
Shut it down.
1973
01:25:34,463 --> 01:25:35,544
I have something to say.
1974
01:25:39,535 --> 01:25:43,237
I think I've been listening
to everybody else
1975
01:25:43,239 --> 01:25:45,572
about what I should be
doing with my life.
1976
01:25:45,574 --> 01:25:48,242
My grandpa said something
really interesting.
1977
01:25:48,244 --> 01:25:50,445
All right, cut the mics.
I'm going up.
1978
01:25:51,313 --> 01:25:52,913
Take that punch,
1979
01:25:52,915 --> 01:25:55,116
that point forward,
things get easier.
1980
01:25:55,224 --> 01:25:57,784
The mic's off.
Jason, your mic cut out.
1981
01:25:57,786 --> 01:25:59,453
What?
1982
01:25:59,455 --> 01:26:01,221
Your mic cut out at the
most inopportune time,
1983
01:26:01,223 --> 01:26:02,856
so we can't hear
1984
01:26:02,858 --> 01:26:05,258
why you want to leave
those images up.
1985
01:26:05,461 --> 01:26:06,860
Hitting it won't work.
1986
01:26:06,862 --> 01:26:08,462
If they caught it
from the PA... Band?
1987
01:26:08,464 --> 01:26:09,464
What the fuck?
1988
01:26:11,333 --> 01:26:13,373
Nick, can you tell her
something for me?
1989
01:26:13,469 --> 01:26:15,169
Can you tell her that, uh...
1990
01:26:17,373 --> 01:26:21,842
I'm really sorry,
but I can't marry her.
1991
01:26:21,844 --> 01:26:25,244
You think that message should come from me?
Okay... Uh...
1992
01:26:26,515 --> 01:26:28,348
Uncle Ramon,
1993
01:26:28,350 --> 01:26:30,684
can you tell Meredith
that Jason's sorry,
1994
01:26:30,686 --> 01:26:31,926
but that they
can't get married?
1995
01:26:32,688 --> 01:26:34,188
(MOUTHING)
1996
01:26:35,257 --> 01:26:36,257
Oh, fuck!
1997
01:26:38,340 --> 01:26:40,260
I forgot Uncle Ramon was deaf
1998
01:26:40,262 --> 01:26:42,543
and I talked to him
like a normal.
1999
01:26:43,666 --> 01:26:45,566
Uncle Ruben,
2000
01:26:45,568 --> 01:26:47,868
can you please tell Meredith
that Jason is really sorry,
2001
01:26:47,870 --> 01:26:49,070
but that he can't marry her?
2002
01:26:52,575 --> 01:26:57,311
He says he's very sorry,
but he can't marry you.
2003
01:26:57,313 --> 01:26:58,478
Uncle Ruben,
2004
01:26:59,220 --> 01:27:00,781
can you turn
that thing up a little?
2005
01:27:00,783 --> 01:27:03,650
It doesn't get any louder.
2006
01:27:03,652 --> 01:27:05,372
Where'd you get
that thing, SkyMall?
2007
01:27:06,408 --> 01:27:08,689
At this point,
I'm kind of nervous
2008
01:27:08,691 --> 01:27:11,011
that anybody I pick
will have a disability.
2009
01:27:11,260 --> 01:27:13,360
Okay... Waiter... Hey, Pubes.
2010
01:27:16,232 --> 01:27:17,752
Can you please go tell Meredith
2011
01:27:18,400 --> 01:27:20,000
that my cousin Jason
is very sorry,
2012
01:27:20,002 --> 01:27:21,668
but they cannot get married?
2013
01:27:21,670 --> 01:27:24,471
Uh... Come on, man.
It's my first day here...
2014
01:27:24,473 --> 01:27:25,839
NICK: I know
it's your first day,
2015
01:27:25,841 --> 01:27:27,601
but everybody needs
you to be a man here.
2016
01:27:28,344 --> 01:27:29,425
Okay.
2017
01:27:32,381 --> 01:27:34,348
Just real quick...
2018
01:27:34,350 --> 01:27:36,283
He sent me... He wants me
to tell you that...
2019
01:27:37,419 --> 01:27:39,953
Um... (STAMMERS)
2020
01:27:39,955 --> 01:27:42,275
He doesn't think
that he can marry you.
2021
01:27:42,815 --> 01:27:44,935
But that he's sorry
that he can't.
2022
01:27:44,960 --> 01:27:46,326
(LAUGHING)
2023
01:27:50,500 --> 01:27:53,900
She's laughing, so I think
that you're in the clear, bro.
2024
01:27:53,902 --> 01:27:55,702
No, it's good. That was good.
2025
01:27:55,704 --> 01:27:58,024
You can just
go back and tell him
2026
01:27:58,841 --> 01:28:02,361
that I fucked his cousin
Nick while he was gone.
2027
01:28:02,878 --> 01:28:05,012
She's so super cool about it.
2028
01:28:05,014 --> 01:28:08,615
She's like, "Go!
Do your thing. Do you."
2029
01:28:08,617 --> 01:28:09,983
She said that?
2030
01:28:09,985 --> 01:28:12,052
NICK: That's what she said,
verbatim.
2031
01:28:12,054 --> 01:28:13,553
Wait. Should I come down
and say bye?
2032
01:28:13,555 --> 01:28:14,788
NICK: No. God! Fuck no!
2033
01:28:14,790 --> 01:28:16,423
No? Yeah.
2034
01:28:16,425 --> 01:28:17,724
No need to even...
Let's not even...
2035
01:28:17,726 --> 01:28:19,606
You just... I've done it...
We're great!
2036
01:28:20,376 --> 01:28:22,696
Wait, where the fuck
is he going?
2037
01:28:22,698 --> 01:28:23,698
Jason!
2038
01:28:23,966 --> 01:28:24,998
Jason!
2039
01:28:36,478 --> 01:28:38,598
It's actually the guy on
the moped with the iPad.
2040
01:28:40,349 --> 01:28:42,109
NSA stopped using
utility vans years ago.
2041
01:28:44,053 --> 01:28:45,952
I figured once you sent
the camera back,
2042
01:28:45,954 --> 01:28:48,055
it was time to take
drastic measures.
2043
01:28:48,057 --> 01:28:49,790
What'd he say?
Are we doing this?
2044
01:28:49,792 --> 01:28:51,752
DICK: Plan B,
have Pam kidnap you.
2045
01:28:52,594 --> 01:28:54,061
I've got to get her back.
2046
01:28:54,063 --> 01:28:55,729
You want me to kidnap her?
2047
01:28:55,731 --> 01:28:57,931
I'll bring her back to you
in a box, bro.
2048
01:28:57,933 --> 01:29:00,901
She's on a bus headed west
on I-85 across Florida.
2049
01:29:00,903 --> 01:29:02,903
Her boat leaves in four hours.
2050
01:29:02,905 --> 01:29:04,438
It was easy to track her down
2051
01:29:04,440 --> 01:29:05,972
because of the whole
Middle Eastern thing.
2052
01:29:05,974 --> 01:29:07,341
Bet you never thought
you'd 69 a girl
2053
01:29:07,343 --> 01:29:08,408
because of the Patriot Act.
2054
01:29:08,410 --> 01:29:09,476
You 69 her, man!
2055
01:29:10,846 --> 01:29:13,046
And then she's dead.
2056
01:29:13,048 --> 01:29:14,815
Are you kidding me, Pam?
This is what you drive?
2057
01:29:14,817 --> 01:29:17,384
Oh, yeah, it is so easy
selling kids drugs
2058
01:29:17,386 --> 01:29:18,786
from an ice cream truck.
It's crazy!
2059
01:29:18,821 --> 01:29:20,520
Jason!
2060
01:29:20,522 --> 01:29:21,922
Jason! Go, go, go, go!
2061
01:29:21,924 --> 01:29:22,989
Jason, stop! Stop right now.
2062
01:29:22,991 --> 01:29:24,871
(ENGINE REVVING) Stop! Stop!
2063
01:29:25,127 --> 01:29:26,660
If you leave right now,
2064
01:29:26,662 --> 01:29:28,628
you can kiss your job
at the firm goodbye!
2065
01:29:28,630 --> 01:29:30,510
David, will you get
the fuck out of the way!
2066
01:29:31,667 --> 01:29:32,999
Hey, hey! Come on!
2067
01:29:33,669 --> 01:29:35,402
What the hell!
2068
01:29:35,404 --> 01:29:37,571
Hey, guy, unless you want
a Chipwich or some heroin,
2069
01:29:37,573 --> 01:29:39,373
get off my ice cream truck!
2070
01:29:39,375 --> 01:29:40,774
Who the fuck is this slob?
2071
01:29:40,776 --> 01:29:43,477
Slob? I am a small
business owner!
2072
01:29:43,479 --> 01:29:45,011
I am the backbone
of this country!
2073
01:29:45,013 --> 01:29:46,646
I am holding a taser!
2074
01:29:46,648 --> 01:29:48,014
(GROANS)
2075
01:29:48,016 --> 01:29:49,950
JASON: Whoa! Shit!
Dude, should I stop?
2076
01:29:49,952 --> 01:29:51,485
What are you... I'm kind of in
the middle of it right here.
2077
01:29:51,487 --> 01:29:53,527
Shit! All right. (THUDS)
2078
01:29:53,622 --> 01:29:55,689
(DICK CHUCKLING)
2079
01:29:55,691 --> 01:29:57,651
Raise your hand
if you've got a boner!
2080
01:29:58,274 --> 01:30:00,594
JASON: What were we
supposed to do?
2081
01:30:00,596 --> 01:30:02,116
Just leave him on the
side of the road?
2082
01:30:03,065 --> 01:30:04,598
Hey, man, can you slow down?
2083
01:30:04,600 --> 01:30:06,666
You're making this
very difficult.
2084
01:30:06,668 --> 01:30:08,001
What the fuck!
That was you who drew
2085
01:30:08,003 --> 01:30:09,803
all those dicks
on me last week?
2086
01:30:09,805 --> 01:30:11,605
Yeah, I drew the dicks.
Busted! Oh, my God!
2087
01:30:11,607 --> 01:30:13,173
Oh, shit!
2088
01:30:13,175 --> 01:30:14,841
Don't worry. Get up. We'll cut
through the back roads.
2089
01:30:14,843 --> 01:30:17,323
Wait, what?
You navigate. I'll drive.
2090
01:30:19,548 --> 01:30:21,548
(HONKING)
2091
01:30:21,550 --> 01:30:23,990
Watch out! Watch out!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
2092
01:30:33,762 --> 01:30:35,242
What the hell is going on?
2093
01:30:36,932 --> 01:30:38,598
Whoa!
2094
01:30:38,600 --> 01:30:40,841
Got ourselves a bogey.
All right, let's do this!
2095
01:30:42,604 --> 01:30:46,173
(SIRENS WAILING)
2096
01:30:46,175 --> 01:30:48,708
Fuck! We gotta
lose some of this weight.
2097
01:30:48,710 --> 01:30:50,977
Pam, throw some
of this shit out of here!
2098
01:30:50,979 --> 01:30:53,146
Hey, look, it's Pam.
He's the good kind of Greek.
2099
01:30:54,616 --> 01:30:55,782
(BOTH PROTESTING)
2100
01:30:55,784 --> 01:30:57,704
Hey, Gene. Hey, Gary.
2101
01:31:00,489 --> 01:31:02,730
How the hell do you know
how to drive like that, Dad?
2102
01:31:03,225 --> 01:31:04,465
Damn it, Grandpa.
Just tell him!
2103
01:31:04,793 --> 01:31:06,693
Uh...
2104
01:31:06,695 --> 01:31:08,728
I was a Green Beret
in Special Forces.
2105
01:31:08,730 --> 01:31:10,697
I taught insurgents
behind enemy lines.
2106
01:31:10,699 --> 01:31:11,939
Mechanic was just my cover.
2107
01:31:12,901 --> 01:31:14,022
Good! We're all made up!
2108
01:31:15,537 --> 01:31:17,778
JASON: There they are!
That's them! Let's go, go, go!
2109
01:31:20,795 --> 01:31:23,076
Shadia! Jason?
2110
01:31:23,078 --> 01:31:25,612
Stop the bus!
I need to talk to you!
2111
01:31:25,614 --> 01:31:26,813
What are you doing here
2112
01:31:26,815 --> 01:31:28,081
in an ice cream truck?
Stop the bus!
2113
01:31:28,083 --> 01:31:29,723
Okay! Pull over!
2114
01:31:29,952 --> 01:31:32,219
I'm not pulling over!
2115
01:31:32,221 --> 01:31:34,020
Thanks a lot, Pam! You narc!
2116
01:31:35,057 --> 01:31:37,090
What! I'm not a narc, Barry!
2117
01:31:37,092 --> 01:31:38,191
Fuck you!
2118
01:31:38,193 --> 01:31:40,060
Pam, you know him?
2119
01:31:40,062 --> 01:31:41,862
Barry? Yeah, he's, like,
my best friend.
2120
01:31:41,864 --> 01:31:44,731
I sold him, like,
six tons of ecstasy... Oh!
2121
01:31:44,733 --> 01:31:46,533
That's why they're not
stopping the bus.
2122
01:31:46,535 --> 01:31:47,775
It's full of drugs.
2123
01:31:49,004 --> 01:31:50,604
Classic Pam.
2124
01:31:50,606 --> 01:31:52,005
I know that man. Stop the bus!
2125
01:31:52,007 --> 01:31:54,040
Jason, where are you going?
2126
01:31:54,042 --> 01:31:55,123
What are you doing?
2127
01:31:56,612 --> 01:31:57,612
What are they...
2128
01:32:09,384 --> 01:32:11,625
You'd better marry that girl.
2129
01:32:11,627 --> 01:32:13,587
Me? Nah, she's not really
my type. Too skinny.
2130
01:32:23,705 --> 01:32:24,705
What the fuck?
2131
01:32:26,008 --> 01:32:27,008
Slow down! Oh, my God!
2132
01:32:27,976 --> 01:32:29,136
What are you doing?
2133
01:32:29,845 --> 01:32:30,911
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
2134
01:32:32,080 --> 01:32:33,360
Slow down, dude!
2135
01:32:33,749 --> 01:32:35,715
(ALL SCREAMING)
2136
01:32:38,120 --> 01:32:39,286
(CRASHING)
2137
01:32:41,290 --> 01:32:42,756
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
2138
01:32:42,758 --> 01:32:43,958
Go get her, man!
2139
01:32:45,534 --> 01:32:47,294
What is going on?
What just happened?
2140
01:32:47,296 --> 01:32:49,296
Hey. I don't even fucking know,
2141
01:32:49,298 --> 01:32:51,131
but I'm not getting married.
2142
01:32:51,133 --> 01:32:55,201
Okay, so that makes it okay
that you were lying to me?
2143
01:32:55,203 --> 01:32:57,237
JASON: No. No, it doesn't.
2144
01:32:57,239 --> 01:32:58,905
But you have to admit
when we were together
2145
01:32:58,907 --> 01:33:00,173
it felt great.
2146
01:33:00,175 --> 01:33:02,336
There was something real there.
2147
01:33:02,744 --> 01:33:03,744
Yeah.
2148
01:33:06,882 --> 01:33:08,602
What do you
want from me, Jason?
2149
01:33:09,952 --> 01:33:11,192
I want you to stay.
2150
01:33:15,891 --> 01:33:17,724
I just can't stay.
2151
01:33:20,862 --> 01:33:22,542
Okay. Okay.
2152
01:33:23,098 --> 01:33:24,264
No, I get it.
2153
01:33:25,867 --> 01:33:26,867
Yeah.
2154
01:33:33,208 --> 01:33:34,488
What if I come with you?
2155
01:33:36,244 --> 01:33:37,310
Come...
2156
01:33:39,781 --> 01:33:41,661
Really? I mean...
2157
01:33:43,118 --> 01:33:47,120
I just broke up with my
fiancee, lost my job.
2158
01:33:47,122 --> 01:33:49,602
And I think I'm wanted
by the police, so...
2159
01:33:50,125 --> 01:33:51,405
A year at sea
2160
01:33:53,895 --> 01:33:56,255
might actually be
the best place for me.
2161
01:33:57,866 --> 01:33:58,866
Okay.
2162
01:34:12,648 --> 01:34:14,180
Break it up, lesbians!
Let's go.
2163
01:34:14,182 --> 01:34:15,715
Get down on the ground!
2164
01:34:15,717 --> 01:34:17,083
We're doing this because
you're lesbians!
2165
01:34:17,085 --> 01:34:18,085
Get down on the ground!
2166
01:34:19,755 --> 01:34:23,023
According to
Interstate Statute 17.37,
2167
01:34:23,025 --> 01:34:25,725
arrests made on the
Interstate Highway System
2168
01:34:25,727 --> 01:34:27,193
must be executed
by state police,
2169
01:34:27,195 --> 01:34:28,762
not your local law enforcement
2170
01:34:28,764 --> 01:34:31,064
from your adjacent
municipalities.
2171
01:34:31,066 --> 01:34:32,365
You seem, like, really familiar
2172
01:34:32,367 --> 01:34:33,900
with the penal code.
2173
01:34:33,902 --> 01:34:35,301
You seem real cocksure
2174
01:34:35,303 --> 01:34:36,970
about the juris-dick-tion
you're in.
2175
01:34:36,972 --> 01:34:38,738
OFFICER REITER: Real cocksure!
2176
01:34:38,740 --> 01:34:41,007
Someone drew dicks all
over your face, you idiot!
2177
01:34:41,009 --> 01:34:43,143
OFFICER FINCH: Well, look at that!
You got dicks on your face.
2178
01:34:43,145 --> 01:34:44,911
That middle one's mine.
Look it, this one right here.
2179
01:34:44,913 --> 01:34:46,112
I traced it.
2180
01:34:46,114 --> 01:34:47,847
I thought I recognized that!
2181
01:34:47,849 --> 01:34:50,250
Enough catching up.
Let my friends go.
2182
01:34:50,252 --> 01:34:53,119
They've literally
done nothing wrong.
2183
01:34:53,121 --> 01:34:55,188
Pam, we've got obstruction
of justice here.
2184
01:34:55,190 --> 01:34:57,257
We got reckless endangerment.
2185
01:34:57,259 --> 01:34:59,726
The bus is full of drugs,
I get it.
2186
01:34:59,728 --> 01:35:01,194
Ooh, speaking of which,
I've got to get out of here.
2187
01:35:01,196 --> 01:35:02,295
I got three keys of "Frisbees"
2188
01:35:02,297 --> 01:35:04,064
showing up at the
store today, so...
2189
01:35:04,066 --> 01:35:06,066
I should go, question mark?
2190
01:35:06,068 --> 01:35:08,368
Why don't you
take my squad car.
2191
01:35:08,370 --> 01:35:09,836
That's a good idea.
Give him your keys.
2192
01:35:09,838 --> 01:35:11,171
You mean these keys?
2193
01:35:11,173 --> 01:35:13,693
There they are. (PAM LAUGHING)
2194
01:35:14,409 --> 01:35:16,242
Classic Pam. Classic Pam.
2195
01:35:16,244 --> 01:35:17,243
What do you say
we get some lunch?
2196
01:35:17,245 --> 01:35:18,445
Love it.
2197
01:35:18,447 --> 01:35:20,180
(ENGINE STARTS) (SIREN WAILING)
2198
01:35:20,182 --> 01:35:21,462
PAM: See you fucks later.
2199
01:35:23,452 --> 01:35:26,286
So, uh, I'm gonna go with her.
2200
01:35:29,357 --> 01:35:31,291
Yeah, you should.
2201
01:35:31,293 --> 01:35:32,573
She seems real nice.
2202
01:35:35,097 --> 01:35:38,932
You know, I think this is
our only way back now,
2203
01:35:38,934 --> 01:35:42,535
so I'm gonna try to get
these cocks off of my face
2204
01:35:43,004 --> 01:35:46,125
and get that truck started.
(CHUCKLES)
2205
01:35:47,109 --> 01:35:48,789
Just give me one sec. Yeah.
2206
01:35:57,185 --> 01:35:58,251
Grandpa...
2207
01:35:59,354 --> 01:36:00,954
Thank you for...
2208
01:36:00,956 --> 01:36:02,255
Don't give me any of that shit.
2209
01:36:02,257 --> 01:36:04,157
Just let me know
when you get back.
2210
01:36:04,159 --> 01:36:07,994
And I actually want to see
your photos in Time magazine.
2211
01:36:07,996 --> 01:36:11,597
This camera set me back three
months of my army pension.
2212
01:36:24,012 --> 01:36:25,211
Thanks, Grandpa.
2213
01:36:26,448 --> 01:36:28,248
Oh, and, Jason...
2214
01:36:30,152 --> 01:36:31,152
Yeah?
2215
01:36:32,521 --> 01:36:34,053
Back in the '80s,
2216
01:36:34,055 --> 01:36:35,555
when Andre the Giant
2217
01:36:35,557 --> 01:36:37,917
used to go to
the Playboy Mansion,
2218
01:36:39,094 --> 01:36:41,828
he'd stack five playmates
on top of each other on a bed
2219
01:36:41,830 --> 01:36:43,563
and fingerfuck them all.
Five at a time.
2220
01:36:43,565 --> 01:36:45,685
Because his hands were so big.
2221
01:36:47,502 --> 01:36:48,502
So...
2222
01:36:50,405 --> 01:36:51,526
That's it.
2223
01:36:56,511 --> 01:36:57,977
Thanks, Grandpa.
2224
01:36:59,114 --> 01:37:00,480
DICK: "De Oppresso Liber."
2225
01:37:02,517 --> 01:37:04,284
Motto of the Green Berets.
2226
01:37:06,254 --> 01:37:08,095
It means
"to liberate the oppressed."
2227
01:37:21,536 --> 01:37:23,102
Hey. You ready?
2228
01:37:23,104 --> 01:37:24,104
Yep.
2229
01:37:31,980 --> 01:37:34,701
I don't think he's gonna
find anybody as good as me.
2230
01:37:36,084 --> 01:37:37,917
I'm sorry. But you
know what they say...
2231
01:37:38,954 --> 01:37:40,887
Um...
2232
01:37:40,889 --> 01:37:44,157
"Tough times can sometimes
lead to tougher people."
2233
01:37:45,894 --> 01:37:47,894
Hmm. That's Kurt Vonnegut.
2234
01:37:55,604 --> 01:37:56,636
(SOFTLY) Yeah.
2235
01:38:06,948 --> 01:38:08,548
Holy fuckin' shit!
2236
01:38:12,220 --> 01:38:15,980
Has anyone ever told you that you
have the pussy of English Sheepdog?
2237
01:38:26,568 --> 01:38:27,689
Well, thanks for the ride.
2238
01:38:30,538 --> 01:38:31,778
You gonna be okay, Dad?
2239
01:38:34,242 --> 01:38:35,408
I miss her.
2240
01:38:38,013 --> 01:38:39,312
But I'll be okay.
2241
01:38:43,685 --> 01:38:45,246
I was a shitty father
and I'm sorry.
2242
01:38:48,023 --> 01:38:49,263
Well, we'll work on it.
2243
01:39:06,541 --> 01:39:08,822
You're a hard man
to track down, Professor.
2244
01:39:12,047 --> 01:39:13,546
Are those my pants?
2245
01:39:13,548 --> 01:39:15,682
Yeah, these are your pants.
2246
01:39:15,684 --> 01:39:17,417
I found a Werther's
Original in the pocket
2247
01:39:17,419 --> 01:39:18,979
and I've been sucking
on it all morning.
2248
01:39:20,355 --> 01:39:22,275
You do know that I'm not
a professor, right?
2249
01:39:22,390 --> 01:39:24,390
Yeah, I know.
2250
01:39:24,392 --> 01:39:27,360
You're just a dirty,
dirty grandpa,
2251
01:39:27,362 --> 01:39:29,996
and I'm just a girl
from Long Island City
2252
01:39:32,534 --> 01:39:33,116
who likes to fuck old people.
2253
01:39:33,117 --> 01:39:34,197
I like your pull-out couch.
2254
01:39:35,370 --> 01:39:38,237
Yeah, well, I got news for you.
2255
01:39:38,239 --> 01:39:40,520
That's the only thing that's
gonna be pulling out tonight.
2256
01:39:40,608 --> 01:39:41,608
I'll be right back.
2257
01:39:59,094 --> 01:40:00,094
Oh, hey.
2258
01:40:01,196 --> 01:40:04,097
Look, I'm... I'm sorry.
2259
01:40:04,099 --> 01:40:05,365
I don't know if I can do this.
2260
01:40:05,367 --> 01:40:07,807
I haven't done it
for a long time.
2261
01:40:26,187 --> 01:40:28,468
Whoops! I guess
they just slipped off.
2262
01:40:29,917 --> 01:40:31,557
I want you to tear open my bra
2263
01:40:31,559 --> 01:40:33,360
like it's a social
security check.
2264
01:40:44,672 --> 01:40:47,106
Tell me you've fallen
and you can't get up.
2265
01:40:47,108 --> 01:40:48,628
"Help, I've fallen
and I can't get up."
2266
01:40:49,277 --> 01:40:50,277
Oh, no!
2267
01:40:50,952 --> 01:40:53,312
Now fumble around and pretend
2268
01:40:53,314 --> 01:40:55,148
like you're trying
to find your glasses.
2269
01:40:55,150 --> 01:40:57,030
"I'm trying to find
my glasses. I can't see."
2270
01:40:58,686 --> 01:41:01,421
"I found them!
I can see! I can see!"
2271
01:41:03,391 --> 01:41:05,471
Tell me it's 4:00
and you want to eat dinner.
2272
01:41:06,026 --> 01:41:07,627
"It's 4:00 and
I want to eat dinner."
2273
01:41:07,629 --> 01:41:09,529
Tell me the buttons
on your remote control
2274
01:41:09,531 --> 01:41:11,497
are so small that
you can't find Fox News.
2275
01:41:11,499 --> 01:41:12,765
"The buttons
on my remote control"
2276
01:41:12,767 --> 01:41:15,568
"are so small
I can't find Fox News!"
2277
01:41:15,570 --> 01:41:17,670
Tell me how small they are!
"They're real small!"
2278
01:41:17,672 --> 01:41:19,439
Tell me how this
neighborhood used to be safer!
2279
01:41:19,441 --> 01:41:21,507
"This neighborhood
used to be safer!"
2280
01:41:21,509 --> 01:41:23,376
Tell me how things were
better under Eisenhower!
2281
01:41:23,378 --> 01:41:25,411
"Things were better
under Eisenhower!"
2282
01:41:25,413 --> 01:41:26,846
We like Ike! We like Ike!
2283
01:41:26,848 --> 01:41:28,214
We like Ike! We like Ike!
2284
01:41:28,216 --> 01:41:29,215
We like Ike!
2285
01:41:29,217 --> 01:41:30,217
We like Ike!
2286
01:41:30,652 --> 01:41:32,351
We like Ike!
2287
01:41:32,353 --> 01:41:33,353
BOTH: We like Ike!
2288
01:41:34,155 --> 01:41:35,388
We like Ike!
2289
01:41:35,390 --> 01:41:37,623
(DICK YELLING)
2290
01:41:37,625 --> 01:41:39,192
LENORE: Are you
cumming or dying?
2291
01:41:39,194 --> 01:41:41,260
DICK: I'm not sure! Maybe both!
2292
01:41:41,262 --> 01:41:42,428
(BOTH PANTING)
2293
01:41:42,430 --> 01:41:43,663
(1950s MUSIC PLAYING)
2294
01:41:52,874 --> 01:41:55,108
"...for as by a man came death."
2295
01:41:58,446 --> 01:42:01,347
"By a man has come also life."
2296
01:42:03,151 --> 01:42:05,251
Richard Kelly II.
2297
01:42:05,781 --> 01:42:09,422
Congratulations on the
baby's new godparents,
2298
01:42:09,424 --> 01:42:11,357
- Jason and Shadia.
ALL: Aw!
2299
01:42:11,359 --> 01:42:12,525
MAN: Congratulations!
2300
01:42:15,463 --> 01:42:18,431
Back to Mommy. All baptized.
2301
01:42:18,433 --> 01:42:20,714
Man, you just keep
surprising me, Grandpa.
2302
01:42:21,236 --> 01:42:22,436
New dad at 72.
2303
01:42:23,271 --> 01:42:24,570
Great fucking idea.
2304
01:42:24,572 --> 01:42:26,539
Hey, watch your potty mouth!
2305
01:42:26,541 --> 01:42:28,674
Jesus, sorry... Yeah,
clean up your language.
2306
01:42:28,676 --> 01:42:30,543
And show some respect
for your new grandmother!
2307
01:42:30,545 --> 01:42:32,812
I'm sorry, honey.
That's all right.
2308
01:42:32,814 --> 01:42:34,747
And sweetie, would it kill
you to visit us sometimes?
2309
01:42:34,749 --> 01:42:35,830
We never see you.
2310
01:42:36,384 --> 01:42:38,484
Sorry, Nanna.
2311
01:42:38,486 --> 01:42:40,186
Did you get that card
I sent for your birthday?
2312
01:42:40,188 --> 01:42:41,420
Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
2313
01:42:41,422 --> 01:42:43,356
Yeah, with the $12 check.
2314
01:42:43,358 --> 01:42:44,824
That was a very nice touch.
Thank you.
2315
01:42:44,826 --> 01:42:46,659
Thank you. That's right.
2316
01:42:46,661 --> 01:42:47,827
Hey, what are you,
gaining some weight?
2317
01:42:47,829 --> 01:42:49,428
You look a little
heavy in the face.
2318
01:42:49,430 --> 01:42:51,197
No, what are you... Where'd
this come from, huh?
2319
01:42:51,199 --> 01:42:53,399
What? Where'd these
guys come from?
2320
01:42:53,401 --> 01:42:54,734
You wanna go get the car?
Okay. Yeah.
2321
01:42:54,736 --> 01:42:56,296
All right, I'll pull
around the minivan.
2322
01:42:56,337 --> 01:42:58,171
Go to Daddy.
2323
01:42:58,173 --> 01:42:59,853
There we go, come to Daddy.
2324
01:43:00,642 --> 01:43:01,642
It's you and I.
2325
01:43:03,545 --> 01:43:04,585
It's a little bit weird.
2326
01:43:05,914 --> 01:43:06,914
She's my grandma.
2327
01:43:10,251 --> 01:43:11,284
And you're my uncle.
2328
01:43:13,755 --> 01:43:15,755
Look at that. Holy shit!
2329
01:43:16,510 --> 01:43:17,790
It's a good dick.
2330
01:43:17,792 --> 01:43:18,925
Oh, my God! Put that away.
2331
01:43:18,927 --> 01:43:20,660
It's our dick. Yeah.
2332
01:43:20,662 --> 01:43:23,182
I'm just relieved
it's not his dick.
2333
01:43:24,192 --> 01:43:26,632
You want to get
the bottle for me?
2334
01:43:26,634 --> 01:43:28,435
Oh, yeah.
Hey, how you doin' there?
2335
01:43:28,970 --> 01:43:30,670
(PAM MIMICS FARTING)
2336
01:43:30,672 --> 01:43:33,639
(LAUGHING)
2337
01:43:33,641 --> 01:43:35,341
Hey, Jason. You should
check your diaper, bro.
2338
01:43:35,343 --> 01:43:36,842
I think you just
shit your pants.
2339
01:43:36,844 --> 01:43:38,611
And in church, too,
in front of God.
2340
01:43:40,481 --> 01:43:42,481
I don't get why you're here.
(MIMICS FARTING)
2341
01:43:42,483 --> 01:43:47,653
Oh! Someone made
a doodie in their yum-yum.
2342
01:43:47,655 --> 01:43:49,355
I'm just gonna
put this out there once.
2343
01:43:49,357 --> 01:43:51,390
I know your baby
just got baptized,
2344
01:43:51,392 --> 01:43:54,560
but I've got a guy in Tampa who
will pay upwards of 60 grand
2345
01:43:54,562 --> 01:43:58,965
for a healthy, white,
male baby that can fight.
2346
01:43:58,967 --> 01:44:00,566
This is a good deal.
You should take it.
2347
01:44:00,568 --> 01:44:01,801
I don't know
this guy that well,
2348
01:44:01,803 --> 01:44:03,469
but he seems
extremely trustworthy.
2349
01:44:03,471 --> 01:44:04,770
Oh, yeah, yeah.
2350
01:44:04,772 --> 01:44:06,706
You interested? Classic Pam.
2351
01:44:06,708 --> 01:44:08,541
Classic Pam.
2352
01:44:08,543 --> 01:44:10,276
Knock, knock. Who's there?
2353
01:44:10,278 --> 01:44:11,958
Classic Pam. (LAUGHING)
2354
01:44:14,616 --> 01:44:17,383
Guess it's never too late
to start over, huh?
2355
01:44:17,385 --> 01:44:20,453
Yeah. Nice to have
a second chance.
2356
01:44:20,455 --> 01:44:24,136
Maybe it won't take me so long to get
the father thing right this time.
2357
01:44:26,673 --> 01:44:27,794
Right?
2358
01:44:27,795 --> 01:44:28,876
I'll go get his car seat.
2359
01:44:36,271 --> 01:44:37,436
Jamba!
2360
01:44:37,438 --> 01:44:38,718
(LAUGHTER)
2361
01:44:40,275 --> 01:44:41,474
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)