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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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And now, ladies and gentlemen,
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Mr. Severn Darden will do
a spot improvisation for you.
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Okay, a little bit of history.
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In 1955, a group
of actors in Chicago
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invented the idea that
improvisational theater
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could be an art form
unto itself,
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not just a warm-up
for other theater.
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We're going to be playing
with the all-American football.
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That's an odd shape, isn't it?
It's not actually round.
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Everyone has their own take on
what's most important in improv.
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But even 60 years later they still
boil down to three basic rules.
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Sly and the family stone.
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Jody and Buffy. Buffy
and the vampire slayer.
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Um, vampires...
Weekend.
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Number one: Say yes.
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Duck season.
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Duck hunt.
Nintendo.
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Which really means just agreeing with
the reality your partner creates
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and then building on that...
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Pong.
Burp.
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And then building on that.
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Burp. Burp.
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And then building on that
and building on that.
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Defender.
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Oh, um, Frogger?
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Mmm.
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Oh, my god, that is amazing.
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Jack, you have worked on that.
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Yeah, yeah, that's a good...
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That's a prepared bit.
That's not improvised. What?
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I don't accept that as improv.
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Number two:
It's all about the group.
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- Yes. -It's not about
you looking good.
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It's also not about
looking funny.
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No.
Or showboating.
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It's about a group working
together in the moment
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to create something
that never happened before,
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you know, or will
never happen again.
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Five minutes, guys.
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"Five minutes, guys."
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"Five minutes-ah."
Why am I Japanese?
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Remember when you said, "please
tell me when I'm racist"?
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This is one of those times.
Thanks.
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Whoa! Finally, and this is
the most important one:
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He's swinging free!
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Don't think.
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It's all about
getting out of your head.
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It's about impulse.
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It's about living in the moment.
It's about now.
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- Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
- No!
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We all said we would wear the same outfit.
Everybody agreed.
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"Let's start wearing
matching outfits."
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I felt like this was the only thing
all of us owned. Say, "yes, and."
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Nobody's "yes, and-ing" me
right now.
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You've gotta go. You've gotta go.
I'm being a professional.
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In improv,
there are no mistakes.
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Like Del close once said,
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"fall and then figure out
what to do on the way down."
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- Welcome to the improv
- for America theater.
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Please turn off your cell phones.
There's no talking.
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All right, got your back.
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Got your back, got your
back, got your back.
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Guys, I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh, no.
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Sorry.
"Guys, I'm sorry I'm late."
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"Sorry." "There was this
sun in the sky and... oh!"
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Guess what.
What?
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Don't care that you're late.
I don't care that you're late.
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Please welcome the commune!
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All right, you guys, let's go.
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Hi. I'm Sam.
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I'm miles.
I'm bill.
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Allison.
Lindsay.
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Jack.
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And we are the commune.
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Everything you see tonight
is gonna be improvised.
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This show is really
all about you guys.
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So we want to know, has anybody out
here had a particularly hard day?
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And something actually hard, not
like your roommate ate your yogurt.
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It was still shitty
when you ate my yogurt, miles.
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Go ahead.
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I'm looking for
an apartment, and it sucks.
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Like, why specifically
does it suck?
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The only one I can afford has the
bathroom in the kitchen. Hmm.
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Hi.
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Great.
Hi.
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As you can see,
there's two bedrooms.
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Lovely.
Here is the kitchen.
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Nice. There's a
beautiful bathroom.
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Is that a toilet?
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Yes, that is.
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The toilet is in the kitchen.
Hmm, mm.
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Mm-hmm, yes. Mm-hmm.
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And, um, who are they?
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They... they are...
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Uh, they are orphans.
They are orphans.
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Hi.
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Uh, did you say "orphans"?
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Yes. The apartment
comes with orphans.
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Oh.
Yes, yes, yes.
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Does the landlord mind
if I paint?
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You can't paint the orphans, no,
but you can paint the walls.
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This is the place I was telling you about.
It has a lot of character.
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This is my husband.
I love it.
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It's great. Hey, guys, this is it.
It's gonna sell today.
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You gotta go for it.
I'll take it.
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No, I'm gonna take it. We'll
pay 30 percent over asking.
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Well, I'll pay
50 percent over asking.
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Well, we'll pay
100 percent over asking.
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No, well, I'll pay $2 million
for this apartment.
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For... really?
Yes.
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Okay, yeah. What makes you
want this apartment so badly?
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It's the orphans.
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I want to raise them.
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- Mm-hmm. -This was my first
group, the awakening, in 1997.
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That had me, bill,
Brad Burke. He's on...
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He's on stuck in the middle. Yeah, yeah.
He's done really well.
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And this guy's on weekend live, right?
Hugh Finn, yeah.
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Wow. I auditioned that year too.
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I was... inches.
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And you're very talented. I mean, you're
upper third of your class, but...
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Most of these guys,
they're just not gonna make it.
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Three percent...
Excuse me just a second.
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No, Bonnie,
we could move the theater.
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We could find a space
in Brooklyn.
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We could move
to long island city, Astoria.
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- All the music venues, they're
heading to Bushwick. -Or Gowanus.
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The business model
for selling $5 tickets to a show
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is not exactly sound.
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The theater's closing. We've gotta
be out of there in four weeks.
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They're selling.
Another trump building, I think.
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New York City is over.
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New York City, you're fired.
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Improv for America,
you're fired.
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All of America, you're fired.
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- What the hell was that?
- That was trump.
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JFK.
That was JFK.
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Your impersonation
is so bad, you're fired.
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We're not leaving.
We could start a protest.
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We could do
like an online campaign.
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Occupy!
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Miles, come on.
Protest! Protest!
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Whoa! Whoa!
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Jesus.
It was a bit.
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A bit gone bad.
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Samantha Byrne, you took that bit too far.
You're fired.
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I concur. You're fired.
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JFK.
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Most of us live here.
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Oh, really? Jack and Sam
moved out last year.
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They have their own place.
Lindsay lives with her parents.
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- My parents live with me.
- Yeah, whatever.
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This is my room.
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Watch your head on the pipe.
Oh.
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It's, uh, not huge, but...
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Neither am I, so...
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What if I threw up
in your mouth?
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That's it.
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You throw up?
I'd go, "thanks, baby bird."
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So weird. You're so...
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You're so weird, I love you.
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It's too gross even for me.
It's too gross.
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I like that you went with it though.
I did.
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I like that you went with it.
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I like that you went with it.
I need to work on my Irish.
166
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:41,019
I like that you went for it. No.
That's just a speech impediment.
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I thought it was a good show.
168
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:47,225
Oh, let me show you something.
Look at this.
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00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:50,228
- Hmm? -I don't know
what you're showing me.
170
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:53,732
It's called Bucky's.
It looks like a porn house.
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00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,634
It is. I bought it
for practically nothing.
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I'll wipe the splooge off the
walls and flip it into a sephora.
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Dad, I've told you I'm not
interested in real estate.
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00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,707
All right.
175
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:10,549
You still giving out
hummus samples?
176
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:12,384
No. I got a new job.
177
00:09:13,419 --> 00:09:15,253
Great.
178
00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:18,690
Hummus and chips?
No, thank you.
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Hummus and chips?
No.
180
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,129
Okay. Follow me.
181
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Like, I'm the most talented
copy editor at my agency,
182
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,314
and they fired me.
183
00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:46,384
What's crazy is,
I don't even need the job.
184
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:49,421
It's hard to have
wealthy parents, Lindsay.
185
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,200
Can we have another suggestion?
186
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,536
Uh, pen.
187
00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:06,938
Hey, man, I got you
this new pen.
188
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,941
It's actually not a pen.
That's a fish.
189
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,277
And you dumb.
Pause there.
190
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,145
So, good stuff, you guys.
191
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:17,382
Um, I think what we wanna do
is think in positives.
192
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:20,385
So Natasha says, "here's a
pen." You might add to that.
193
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:24,322
You know, "oh, thanks." It's got an
inscription. It says "happy anniversary."
194
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:27,158
Okay, cool. That's tight if you
wanna be doing improv forever.
195
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,996
But I wanna do weekend live.
Like, how do you do that?
196
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:33,832
You wait in line, Gary.
You looked good.
197
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,667
It's weekend live!
198
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,502
I'm glad you're keeping score.
199
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:41,606
It's the sports of comedy. It's the
only live sporting event of comedy.
200
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:44,509
But comedy isn't a sport.
"It's the sports of comedy."
201
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:48,179
It shouldn't have winners and losers,
and there shouldn't be points.
202
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:51,016
They got Gary Cho,
and then it's like, who else?
203
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,485
You know what I mean?
Everybody else is... White.
204
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:56,621
Even if it wasn't me, there should
be somebody else on this show
205
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:59,357
that represents another... Different
shades of white, certainly.
206
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:02,927
Yes, definitely. They've
got eggshell. Ecru.
207
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:06,297
To ecru to off-white
to almost ochre.
208
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:10,301
I enjoy ochre performers.
209
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,170
It was good when I was little.
210
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,873
You never know if it was good
when you were little
211
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,808
or you were just little,
so you didn't know.
212
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:20,812
It's the great paradox of weekend
live, is was it good ever?
213
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:22,981
Or did we think so
because we were 12?
214
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:25,316
You should not have
said that in your audition.
215
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,652
I brought that up
at my interview.
216
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:33,058
Hi.
217
00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:45,570
Sarah, we're gonna hold ten.
Why are we holding ten?
218
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:49,307
I called Hugh Finn. He's bringing over
some producers from weekend live.
219
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,847
Hey, Jack, don't pull
some showboat shit out there.
220
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:58,550
What? When do I do that?
You always do that.
221
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:01,920
Anyone from the industry shows up, you
turn into a one-man audition tape.
222
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:05,023
You did it when the guy from Conan
came, when law and order came.
223
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:07,992
You guys, where's bill?
Where is bill?
224
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:11,062
He doesn't wanna miss this.
225
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,932
"Where are you?"
Bill?
226
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,934
Where's bill?
Where's bill? Where's bill?
227
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:18,436
Bill, bill, bill,
bill, bill, bill.
228
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,772
Bill's not gonna be happy
about missing weekend live.
229
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:24,209
- I love bill, but we gotta do the show.
- Here we go, guys.
230
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,010
Please welcome the commune!
231
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,623
Hi. I'm Sam.
Miles.
232
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:39,924
Allison.
Lindsay.
233
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:42,927
Jack.
And we are the commune.
234
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:47,632
In fact, everything you see tonight
is going to be improvised,
235
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,601
and it's all about you guys.
236
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:54,472
So did anybody out there
have a particularly hard day?
237
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,474
Hmm? Yes.
238
00:12:56,476 --> 00:13:00,311
Yeah, I saw my dad for the
first time in ten years today.
239
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,647
What? Really? Where?
240
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:06,785
He drives a taxi, and I just
randomly got into his cab.
241
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:09,053
Wait. No, no, no.
Wow.
242
00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:14,259
Fact-checking.
Uh, you got into a taxi.
243
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:17,162
You did not know it was your dad.
Then you said, "hi, dad"?
244
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,830
Yes, I said, "hi, dad."
245
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,832
Well, okay.
246
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:23,802
Wow. Hop in.
Oh.
247
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:27,472
Thanks. I didn't think anyone was gonna
pick me up. It's raining so hard.
248
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,606
Yeah. Where you headed?
249
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:32,076
I'm going to a restaurant
on west fourth and Broadway.
250
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:33,678
What do you got goin' on there?
251
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:37,982
A blind date with a man I'll probably
engage in sexual congress with.
252
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,421
That seems a little fast.
Well...
253
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,358
Thank you. I...
254
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:52,597
I consider myself quite fast.
In fact, I...
255
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:55,333
I have abandonment issues.
My father left me.
256
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:59,037
So I basically only relate
to men through sex.
257
00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:02,640
That's challenging
for me to hear.
258
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:09,614
Um... in that case,
I think I'll get out here.
259
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,216
Okay.
260
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:15,486
Welcome to la Traviata.
261
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:19,190
How many?
Two. I'm meeting someone.
262
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,559
I'll be right back.
Thank you.
263
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:25,597
Dad?
264
00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:29,701
I'm just trying to be
part of your life.
265
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,569
And you drove the cab?
266
00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:35,540
Well, uh, now, look,
267
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,576
as the president of
the United States of America,
268
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:44,015
I believe that it's not only
my duty to find your father
269
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:48,019
but also have him pick you up in a cab
and take you to your destination.
270
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:54,092
This is a new program we're working
on right now called cabs for dads,
271
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:57,362
but my critics like
to call it Obamacabs.
272
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,599
Uh, as if that would bother me.
273
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:07,405
I was justifying why a man would be
picking up his daughter in a cab.
274
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,842
You also justified why you should
be doing your best impression.
275
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:12,777
When weekend live is there.
276
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,379
When weekend live is there.
277
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,581
I thought it was very strong.
Thank you.
278
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:19,550
No, you know, they're right.
You guys are right. I'm sorry.
279
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:22,654
I shouldn't have done that. I went out
there. I shouldn't have done that.
280
00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:26,791
That's Alicia Bonham
and Hugh Finn.
281
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,192
Should I go over there?
282
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:30,295
Why would you go
over there and not us?
283
00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:32,764
I don't care.
It doesn't Matt...
284
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:36,134
I could go over there. You could
go over there. We can't all go.
285
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:39,203
Hi. I'm Jack.
Alicia.
286
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:42,740
That show was so good.
Thank you. Oh, my god.
287
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:46,444
I'm so flattered. We are so flattered.
Such an honor.
288
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,613
We're all so flattered,
you know.
289
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:51,382
I started the group 11 years ago.
Hi. I'm Lindsay.
290
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,252
I love these guys. We were
in the trenches together.
291
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:57,155
Miles and I are, like,
stage brothers for life.
292
00:15:57,157 --> 00:16:00,391
So I'll see you
at Hugh's wedding then.
293
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:04,262
Oh, um, you're getting married?
294
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:07,665
It's actually just
a really small thing, so...
295
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:12,403
I don't care. I don't
wanna go to a wedding.
296
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,105
I hate weddings.
And babies.
297
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:17,842
If you ever have a baby,
don't invite me to it.
298
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,844
I follow you on Twitter.
299
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:23,815
I fucking hate Twitter.
My publicist made me join.
300
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:28,419
But, I mean, it's part of it,
though, you know, right? Right?
301
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,954
Yeah.
302
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,923
If you ever wanna
hate it together,
303
00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:33,858
I'm Jack-underscore-Mercer,
so...
304
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,426
Underscore is my middle name.
305
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:38,696
I have an Instagram
for my neighbor's dog, actually.
306
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,332
So if you wanna check that out,
really fun stuff.
307
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,301
You don't have to be
an animal lover.
308
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:46,637
It's just like really human
moments but also dog moments.
309
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,806
Uh, tulipbone,
'cause the dog's name is tulip.
310
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:52,210
She likes bones. Easy to remember.
Thank you.
311
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,278
Thank you, guys.
Nice to meet you.
312
00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:58,149
It is weird that he didn't
invite me to his wedding.
313
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,284
Is it though?
I wasn't invited either.
314
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:02,887
Smug son of a bitch. I'm not
invited to his wedding?
315
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:05,456
I introduced him to his wife.
316
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:09,227
I just tagged Alicia
on some tulipbone pictures.
317
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,229
Oh, nice.
You mispronounced Alicia.
318
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,031
Alicia.
No, it's not pron...
319
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:16,534
This is Natasha. She's one of my students.
She's staying with us this week.
320
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:20,204
Hey. I got evicted.
My roommate sells crack.
321
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,240
Oh, man.
How was your show?
322
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:24,142
It was good.
Weekend live showed up.
323
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,977
Oh, god. Seriously?
Are they casting?
324
00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:28,346
'Cause I've been working
on my characters. Yeah?
325
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:31,516
Like, "y'all want some crack?
326
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,018
Y'all want some crack
in your eggs?"
327
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,087
I'm not sure they're casting.
Anyway...
328
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:39,357
Oh, my god. You guys, Bonnie
just texted me. They loved Sam.
329
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,926
Sam? You hear that? Yeah?
Did they mention me?
330
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:45,563
You know, I auditioned for the
show in 2003. I was... inches.
331
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,099
"Inches. I was, like, inches.
I was, like, inches."
332
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,667
Don't break my phone.
333
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:52,503
Boom. Yes.
334
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,039
So who wins Jenga?
335
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,841
The person who does not
knock it over.
336
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,944
Like, everybody
who doesn't lose Jenga wins.
337
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,412
Such a weird game.
Well done.
338
00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:04,282
Yes, I can.
339
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:07,618
Mm-hmm. I'm there.
What's going on?
340
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:14,459
Sam. Sam.
More points for riskier moves?
341
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:18,529
You know that Americans eat
one trillion eggs a year?
342
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:21,132
- We do not. Is that
even true, data?
343
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:22,900
Why do you call her data?
344
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:25,303
You don't know data from Star Trek?
How old are you?
345
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:28,372
Okay, we will be there.
346
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,144
So, are you okay?
347
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,380
Yeah. That was Bonnie.
Okay.
348
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:41,652
We have an audition
on Thursday for weekend live.
349
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:44,622
You and me?
You and me.
350
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,657
She's losing right now, right?
351
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,993
You have to put...
Bill! Bill, where were you?
352
00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:52,997
Sorry I missed the show.
353
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:55,299
"Sorry."
"Sorry. Sorry.
354
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:56,767
Sorry I missed the show."
355
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:59,737
You don't wanna...
You don't wanna do that.
356
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:03,341
Just stop.
It's real, okay? Just stop.
357
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,410
You did it!
358
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:09,113
You did it. We did it.
359
00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:11,883
My dad, he rode
his motorcycle home.
360
00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:14,352
And, uh...
361
00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:18,689
On the highway
this 18-Wheeler
362
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:21,692
kind of edged him off the highway,
and he hit the guardrail.
363
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:24,962
He's in the hospital. I gotta
take the train to see him.
364
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:28,666
- We're sorry. -I'll get my dad's car.
I'll drive you down there.
365
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:31,802
We'll all come.
I'm sorry.
366
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:34,639
What's going on?
367
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:38,009
Bill's dad had a motorcycle accident.
Some truck hit it.
368
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,644
He got hit.
369
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:42,446
We're gonna go to Philadelphia tomorrow.
I'll get my dad's car.
370
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:49,887
We actually have some news too.
We have...
371
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:53,624
We're auditioning on
Thursday for weekend live.
372
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:58,062
- Congrats, man.
- Thanks, man.
373
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:01,866
Weekend live, they came
to tonight's show?
374
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,067
Yeah.
Alicia and Hugh.
375
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:06,037
Motherfuck.
Sorry.
376
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:09,340
They're not gonna come again, right?
That's it. They might.
377
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:11,542
The theater's closing. Maybe
they'll wanna take another shot.
378
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,478
Maybe they'll come again, you know?
Probably not.
379
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,747
I'm sorry.
380
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:20,918
Do you know which bits
you're gonna do?
381
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,754
We just heard, like,
ten minutes ago, so...
382
00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:26,424
You gotta do Alex Rodriguez
at the cell phone store.
383
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,759
I forgot all about that one.
Oh, my gosh.
384
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:31,896
You gotta do the rock when the
rock loses all the weight.
385
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:34,232
- Slim-fast rock. What did you call it?
- The pebble.
386
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:35,600
The pebble, right.
387
00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:37,435
"Can you smell
what the pebble's cookin'?"
388
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,870
"Not much, and that's why
I lost the weight."
389
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:42,173
It's weird that they
didn't want me to audition.
390
00:20:42,175 --> 00:20:44,041
In some ways, it makes sense.
391
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,711
It's like they don't want more generals.
They want infantry.
392
00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:49,513
Yeah. Yeah.
393
00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:52,683
When I did it, it was three
characters, three impersonations.
394
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:55,453
What I did... nobody cares, miles.
What are you doing, Sam?
395
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:57,888
I don't know yet.
Jack, what are you gonna do?
396
00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:00,791
Oh, you should do uncle John.
What's that one?
397
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:03,227
"Okay, look.
Kids down there makin' noise.
398
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:06,697
Come down to the basement
half in the bag, talkin' 'bout,
399
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,766
'all you kids in the basement!
400
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,135
I ain't gonna have it
with none of you kids.
401
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:14,205
Y'all down here, you break
anything, you make any noise,
402
00:21:14,207 --> 00:21:15,973
then there's the door.'"
403
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:17,975
okay. Then what?
404
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,811
The premise of the character
is that he points to the door?
405
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:24,649
"That's always the way he
exclamation-points the end of the sentence.
406
00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:26,584
You kids out here makin' noise,
407
00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:30,221
I don't want you in here,
breaking my antiques.
408
00:21:30,223 --> 00:21:32,323
There's the door.
There's the door.
409
00:21:32,325 --> 00:21:33,824
There's the door.
There's the door."
410
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:35,993
Uncle John, uncle John.
What?
411
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:40,498
I'm Bambi, and I don't
know where my mom is.
412
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:43,100
"You know what?
There's the Doe."
413
00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:45,336
There's the Doe!
Oh!
414
00:21:45,338 --> 00:21:47,672
Oh!
Oh!
415
00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:50,007
Uncle John, uncle John.
"Yeah. What's goin' on?"
416
00:21:50,009 --> 00:21:53,844
I make pizza. I can find my sauce and
cheese, but I can't find the other part.
417
00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:57,615
"It's right here, dude. There's...
the dough." There's the dough!
418
00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:59,850
"There's the dough."
Kneading the dough!
419
00:21:59,852 --> 00:22:02,987
Miles, it's weird when you do it.
"Go out the door."
420
00:22:08,126 --> 00:22:12,096
We had to do an emergency
craniotomy to remove blood.
421
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:14,598
Your dad understands
what happened and where he is,
422
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,501
but he can't vocalize
more than a word or two.
423
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:23,808
We are past this point, trying to
remember when the turning point was,
424
00:22:23,810 --> 00:22:26,210
but there actually was
a turning point.
425
00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:31,549
We should head out.
426
00:22:32,384 --> 00:22:34,452
We should head out.
427
00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:43,794
I'll come visit again soon, dad.
428
00:22:44,496 --> 00:22:46,530
Thank you.
429
00:22:47,632 --> 00:22:49,567
You're welcome, dad.
430
00:22:50,736 --> 00:22:52,903
Bye, Mr. Coughlin.
See you later, Mr. Coughlin.
431
00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:54,739
Feel better, Mr. Coughlin.
See you soon.
432
00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:58,075
Bye, Mr. Coughlin. We'll be back.
All right.
433
00:23:00,345 --> 00:23:01,979
I know it's not about me,
434
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:07,251
but I don't want my dad to
die thinking I'm a failure.
435
00:23:07,253 --> 00:23:09,820
You're not a failure, bill.
You're in the commune.
436
00:23:09,822 --> 00:23:11,922
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
437
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:20,398
You know, bill,
438
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,601
I know it seems,
like, grim right now,
439
00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:27,938
but, boy, he's really a fighter.
440
00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:29,507
Yeah.
441
00:23:29,509 --> 00:23:33,844
And there was that one moment
where he was like, "thank you."
442
00:23:33,846 --> 00:23:36,614
And that was actually pretty good.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
443
00:23:36,616 --> 00:23:38,783
He was really present.
444
00:23:38,785 --> 00:23:42,686
Yeah, he was like,
"thank you."
445
00:23:44,623 --> 00:23:46,891
Miles, that's wrong. You're
doing an impersonation?
446
00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:49,960
It was more like,
"thank you."
447
00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:51,762
Oh!
448
00:23:53,031 --> 00:23:55,299
Oh, Lindsay, let me see your talent.
"Thank you."
449
00:23:55,301 --> 00:23:57,134
"Thank you."
450
00:23:57,136 --> 00:23:59,303
"Thank you."
451
00:23:59,305 --> 00:24:00,471
"Thank you."
452
00:24:00,473 --> 00:24:03,474
No, that's Bob Dylan.
453
00:24:03,476 --> 00:24:05,276
I'm pretty sure I'm the only one
454
00:24:05,278 --> 00:24:08,646
that should impersonate my dad
when he's basically in a coma.
455
00:24:08,648 --> 00:24:10,981
- Mine was good though.
- Oh, god, miles.
456
00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:14,985
It was pretty good, but it
was really inappropriate.
457
00:24:18,657 --> 00:24:20,791
"Thank you."
There we go.
458
00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:22,893
Yea!
459
00:24:24,563 --> 00:24:27,798
"Hello. Hello.
My name is Liam Neeson.
460
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:31,502
If it's money
that you're looking for,
461
00:24:31,504 --> 00:24:33,404
I've got none.
462
00:24:33,406 --> 00:24:34,905
I've used all of it
463
00:24:34,907 --> 00:24:37,341
the last six times
my daughter was taken.
464
00:24:37,343 --> 00:24:40,478
I mean, didn't you find it
very easy to kidnap her?"
465
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:44,181
"No, you and I should sit.
You have to go over there.
466
00:24:44,183 --> 00:24:47,852
God, are we glued here?
We're glued here."
467
00:24:47,854 --> 00:24:50,654
Can't we have a stationary table?
Uh...
468
00:24:50,656 --> 00:24:53,858
"Can't we get a table that
doesn't move?" Nobody answers!
469
00:24:53,860 --> 00:24:56,594
"Nobody answers!
In this business."
470
00:24:56,596 --> 00:24:58,929
that doesn't wobble here?
471
00:24:58,931 --> 00:25:00,798
What?
"What?"
472
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,833
- Move the table aside.
- "What?"
473
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:05,669
I wanna put my feet on it.
"Feet on it.
474
00:25:05,671 --> 00:25:07,705
Can't we get a stationary table?
475
00:25:07,707 --> 00:25:10,541
Can't... can't we get
a stationar...
476
00:25:10,543 --> 00:25:13,777
Nobody listens in this...
Nobody!"
477
00:25:13,779 --> 00:25:15,679
"If one hair on her head
is harmed...
478
00:25:15,681 --> 00:25:17,448
What, she's dead?
479
00:25:17,450 --> 00:25:20,184
To be quite honest,
there's a bit of relief there."
480
00:25:20,186 --> 00:25:23,020
So I was thinking about doing
Gena Rowlands... Yeah.
481
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:26,023
From a woman under
the influence as an umpire.
482
00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:29,827
Okay. Well, that was obscure
in 1974, but okay.
483
00:25:29,829 --> 00:25:32,897
"Pfft! Yeah.
Nick, you're out."
484
00:25:32,899 --> 00:25:34,899
"What?
How could I be out?"
485
00:25:34,901 --> 00:25:36,567
"You missed the base.
You're out. Pfft!"
486
00:25:36,569 --> 00:25:39,403
"Missed the base? I didn't even
swing." "Rain delay! Pfft."
487
00:25:39,405 --> 00:25:40,971
"I didn't swing
at the ball."
488
00:25:40,973 --> 00:25:42,740
You have to do
the porches things too.
489
00:25:42,742 --> 00:25:45,576
"P-o-r-c-h-e-s.
490
00:25:45,578 --> 00:25:48,245
We have aluminum porches.
491
00:25:49,814 --> 00:25:51,382
Enclosed por..."
492
00:25:53,018 --> 00:25:54,885
"listen, Anne prima
Donna." "Yes, papa?"
493
00:25:54,887 --> 00:25:56,487
"You're the prettiest girl
in Brooklyn.
494
00:25:56,489 --> 00:25:59,223
If anyone tells you different, they're
outta their minds." "Oh, papa."
495
00:25:59,225 --> 00:26:02,493
"Look at these lips.
Those are kissable lips."
496
00:26:02,495 --> 00:26:06,096
"What could you do for my lips, papa?"
"I could do just about anything.
497
00:26:06,098 --> 00:26:09,867
Let me check the lips first, and
we'll see what we're doing here.
498
00:26:09,869 --> 00:26:11,135
Oh.
499
00:26:12,270 --> 00:26:13,771
Mmm.
500
00:26:15,006 --> 00:26:17,207
Boy, my daughter's
good at everything."
501
00:26:17,209 --> 00:26:19,176
Just kid...
You trained her well.
502
00:26:19,178 --> 00:26:22,046
All right.
We gotta get moving.
503
00:26:22,048 --> 00:26:25,583
"Oh, but an elf has confused
my legs for trees
504
00:26:25,585 --> 00:26:27,785
and sawed them off
for firewood."
505
00:26:27,787 --> 00:26:30,521
I'm serious. Here we go.
Come on, Sam.
506
00:26:30,523 --> 00:26:34,425
"Can't we just lie here in
the Meadow?" Come on, Sam.
507
00:26:34,427 --> 00:26:38,562
"Yes, magical tree, we can
lie here in the Meadow
508
00:26:38,564 --> 00:26:42,199
as long as that Meadow
is the train."
509
00:26:42,201 --> 00:26:44,802
"Oh."
"Oh, here we are, magical..."
510
00:26:44,804 --> 00:26:47,304
No, no, Jack, put me down.
We're going to...
511
00:26:47,306 --> 00:26:49,206
I'm sorry...
I need time.
512
00:26:50,775 --> 00:26:52,543
We don't have much time, hon.
513
00:26:52,545 --> 00:26:56,480
But yours is at 4:00, and mine's at 4:15.
So I'll just meet you there.
514
00:26:59,818 --> 00:27:02,553
I can wait if you
want me to stay with you.
515
00:27:02,555 --> 00:27:05,289
"Just go, Jack.
I'll meet you there.
516
00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:07,458
Don't worry about me."
517
00:27:12,063 --> 00:27:13,998
It's better if I meet you there?
518
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,066
Honey, I got it. I'm good.
519
00:27:31,516 --> 00:27:33,851
Welcome.
Can I see your I.D.?
520
00:28:01,146 --> 00:28:04,448
Ray Romano
singing "happy birthday."
521
00:28:12,891 --> 00:28:16,460
Hi. Sam Byrne, weekend live.
See some I.D.
522
00:28:21,067 --> 00:28:24,334
Rath, it was unbelievable.
I killed it, man.
523
00:28:24,336 --> 00:28:27,071
I absolutely crushed it!
I can't believe it.
524
00:28:27,073 --> 00:28:29,039
I did ray Romano sings.
525
00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:32,409
They had to stop because
everyone was laughing so hard.
526
00:28:32,411 --> 00:28:34,445
No! You shut up!
527
00:28:44,756 --> 00:28:46,824
A character called
the ticket taker.
528
00:28:46,826 --> 00:28:51,161
He's an old timey ticket taker, but
he works at a modern cineplex.
529
00:28:51,163 --> 00:28:53,697
And he doesn't understand.
He's, like, delusional.
530
00:28:53,699 --> 00:28:57,901
He thinks that we've lost the
classic kind of feel of the cinema.
531
00:28:57,903 --> 00:29:00,938
And so he's stuck
in this world. So...
532
00:29:33,638 --> 00:29:35,139
Hi. Hello.
533
00:29:35,141 --> 00:29:38,709
Hi. I'm here to
quit show business.
534
00:29:38,711 --> 00:29:41,378
Well, hello.
535
00:29:42,413 --> 00:29:44,815
Hi. I'm here to quit
show business as well.
536
00:29:44,817 --> 00:29:47,151
What? Jugglers
almost never quit.
537
00:29:47,153 --> 00:29:49,386
What else do they have to do?
538
00:29:50,790 --> 00:29:53,624
So then he says,
"that's how it goes."
539
00:29:54,626 --> 00:29:56,293
And then
I was like, "okay."
540
00:29:56,295 --> 00:29:59,163
So I walk back into the
lobby, out of his office.
541
00:29:59,165 --> 00:30:02,099
And Gary Cho was sitting there.
He looks at me.
542
00:30:02,101 --> 00:30:06,003
Gary Cho says,
"we're all really excited."
543
00:30:06,005 --> 00:30:07,971
And then I'm going,
"uh-oh. What?"
544
00:30:07,973 --> 00:30:11,241
And at that moment, Timothy's
assistant comes out of the office...
545
00:30:11,943 --> 00:30:14,077
And made it official.
546
00:30:23,087 --> 00:30:27,291
Oh, my god!
Ahh!
547
00:30:27,293 --> 00:30:29,860
- Yeah!
- That is amazing.
548
00:30:29,862 --> 00:30:31,995
Jack! Oh, man, that is amazing.
549
00:30:31,997 --> 00:30:33,964
Awesome.
Congratulations.
550
00:30:33,966 --> 00:30:36,366
I know, I know.
I'm fucking spinning.
551
00:30:36,368 --> 00:30:38,268
Dude! Yes! Dude!
552
00:30:38,270 --> 00:30:40,671
Thank you, man.
My man!
553
00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:43,640
That's so... I can't believe I
know someone on weekend live.
554
00:30:43,642 --> 00:30:45,709
So that's it?
You just got it?
555
00:30:45,711 --> 00:30:49,179
For years, I was like, "it's either
Jack or miles, but probably Jack."
556
00:30:49,181 --> 00:30:51,348
I always thought that.
557
00:30:51,350 --> 00:30:54,017
No, but that's what you get.
That's what you get.
558
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:56,787
Right? Uh, yeah.
Where's Sam?
559
00:30:56,789 --> 00:30:58,388
You know what?
We showed up separately.
560
00:30:58,390 --> 00:31:02,125
She hasn't texted me back yet.
So I don't know what's going on.
561
00:31:02,127 --> 00:31:03,365
Can you still do our shows?
562
00:31:03,390 --> 00:31:06,163
We only have three weeks left.
You can still do our shows.
563
00:31:06,165 --> 00:31:08,332
I don't know.
I don't... you know, uh...
564
00:31:08,334 --> 00:31:10,868
I mean, it's late night.
It's just the weekday.
565
00:31:10,870 --> 00:31:13,704
I don't know, 'cause you're
writing all the time.
566
00:31:13,706 --> 00:31:16,240
It's our first week. I wanna
put my best foot forward.
567
00:31:16,242 --> 00:31:18,542
There she is.
There she is.
568
00:31:18,544 --> 00:31:21,411
Hi. I'm so sorry I missed the show.
How was it?
569
00:31:21,413 --> 00:31:24,181
- It doesn't matter. What happened?
- How'd it go?
570
00:31:24,183 --> 00:31:27,184
Um...
571
00:31:27,186 --> 00:31:30,153
I was late, and they wouldn't let me in.
What? Why? Why?
572
00:31:30,155 --> 00:31:33,657
I don't know.
How late were you?
573
00:31:33,659 --> 00:31:35,192
I was, like, 20 minutes late.
574
00:31:35,194 --> 00:31:37,461
Twenty minutes late,
and they wouldn't let you in?
575
00:31:38,496 --> 00:31:40,731
All right. Maybe I was
30 minutes late.
576
00:31:40,733 --> 00:31:42,432
But how was it for you?
577
00:31:42,434 --> 00:31:46,370
Listen. I told you I would wait for you.
I told you I would go...
578
00:31:46,372 --> 00:31:48,839
I know. How was it
for you though?
579
00:31:48,841 --> 00:31:52,476
Honey, yeah, I got the show.
I got it.
580
00:31:54,078 --> 00:31:55,946
That's great.
Yeah, yeah.
581
00:31:55,948 --> 00:31:58,482
That's...
Honey, but I...
582
00:31:59,717 --> 00:32:01,084
Thank you.
583
00:32:01,086 --> 00:32:04,288
I wanted us both to get it. I
really wanted us both to get it.
584
00:32:04,290 --> 00:32:06,023
I know.
585
00:32:11,796 --> 00:32:14,698
Look, guys, this is, um...
586
00:32:14,700 --> 00:32:19,469
This is a victory for the whole
group, okay? 'Cause I'm gonna...
587
00:32:19,471 --> 00:32:22,873
- you mean you'll talk to
Timothy about us? -Uh...
588
00:32:22,875 --> 00:32:24,808
When you talk to him,
my name's bill.
589
00:32:24,810 --> 00:32:27,778
Just to remind you, I'm bill. We've
known each other many years.
590
00:32:27,780 --> 00:32:31,214
A lot of guys who get on that
show can hire their own writers
591
00:32:31,216 --> 00:32:32,816
or, you know, suggest it.
Seriously.
592
00:32:32,818 --> 00:32:34,318
Yeah. I mean, I'm...
593
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:38,655
To Jack, everybody! To Jack!
Cheers! All right! Jack.
594
00:32:38,657 --> 00:32:39,657
This is huge.
595
00:32:52,670 --> 00:32:55,138
Bill!
596
00:32:55,140 --> 00:32:57,808
Put me down.
597
00:32:59,177 --> 00:33:01,511
I was Jack's
first teacher, actually.
598
00:33:01,513 --> 00:33:03,347
Oh.
599
00:33:03,349 --> 00:33:06,083
You're my first teacher.
Exactly.
600
00:33:07,919 --> 00:33:09,353
That's cool.
Crazy.
601
00:33:09,355 --> 00:33:12,322
Yeah. It's just like
anything could happen.
602
00:33:12,324 --> 00:33:14,358
I was just so in it, and I felt,
603
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,627
"if I don't get this,
I'm gonna kill myself."
604
00:33:17,629 --> 00:33:20,630
I literally thought that, and
I believe that to be true.
605
00:33:20,632 --> 00:33:24,768
Oh, you mean like
if you had to live our lives?
606
00:33:24,770 --> 00:33:27,671
Like, if you had to continue living
like us, you'd kill yourself?
607
00:33:27,673 --> 00:33:31,008
I don't have OCD.
I used to when I was a kid.
608
00:33:31,010 --> 00:33:34,778
I had it kind of like... Basically, I
had this thing with picture frames.
609
00:33:34,780 --> 00:33:38,448
If I saw a picture frame, I would
have to touch the four corners of it,
610
00:33:38,450 --> 00:33:40,350
but it would have to feel right.
611
00:33:40,352 --> 00:33:45,055
If you want to talk to anybody,
I have a great therapist.
612
00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:47,024
That's so sweet of you,
but I'm fine.
613
00:33:47,026 --> 00:33:48,392
Okay.
I'm fine.
614
00:33:48,394 --> 00:33:51,228
She's always struggled
with this. It's like, um...
615
00:33:51,230 --> 00:33:53,897
She ran away from home
when she was 16
616
00:33:53,899 --> 00:33:56,466
to become a ballerina.
617
00:33:56,468 --> 00:33:59,536
Like an actual point toes.
Yeah.
618
00:33:59,538 --> 00:34:01,705
Pirouettes and all that?
Nutcracker, yeah.
619
00:34:01,707 --> 00:34:04,041
Black swan kind of thing.
It didn't work out.
620
00:34:04,043 --> 00:34:05,575
She's great,
but it didn't work out.
621
00:34:05,577 --> 00:34:07,511
Then she started coming
to commune shows,
622
00:34:07,513 --> 00:34:10,047
and she became kind of
obsessed with our group.
623
00:34:10,049 --> 00:34:13,483
Then I asked her to join the group.
Wow.
624
00:34:31,836 --> 00:34:33,603
Sam, honey.
625
00:34:36,441 --> 00:34:38,742
Honey, what happened?
626
00:34:38,744 --> 00:34:41,912
You can't just have been
20 minutes late.
627
00:34:44,048 --> 00:34:45,682
Doesn't matter.
628
00:35:17,648 --> 00:35:20,283
Cool.
- Thanks a lot, ma'am.
629
00:35:26,791 --> 00:35:28,692
Oh, my god.
630
00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:49,112
Where you going?
631
00:35:49,114 --> 00:35:50,914
Uh...
632
00:35:50,916 --> 00:35:53,350
I kind of feel like a whore.
633
00:35:53,352 --> 00:35:55,752
What do you mean?
We had a great time.
634
00:35:55,754 --> 00:35:57,320
You're, like, 40.
635
00:36:00,358 --> 00:36:02,692
I just turned 36.
636
00:36:03,995 --> 00:36:05,662
I need you to teach my classes.
637
00:36:05,664 --> 00:36:07,797
Why?
I can't take it anymore.
638
00:36:07,799 --> 00:36:11,668
Another one of my students gets my
dream job, I'm still teaching 101?
639
00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:14,504
I gotta focus on me,
writing for me.
640
00:36:14,506 --> 00:36:16,373
I'm gonna get the job
at weekend live.
641
00:36:16,375 --> 00:36:18,842
That's good for you, miles,
but I can't teach.
642
00:36:18,844 --> 00:36:22,779
Why? I'm good in a group.
I'm no good on my own.
643
00:36:24,983 --> 00:36:27,284
To the improv
for America theater.
644
00:36:27,286 --> 00:36:29,052
Please turn off
your cell phones.
645
00:36:29,054 --> 00:36:31,955
No photography is allowed.
646
00:36:31,957 --> 00:36:34,057
What's that phrase?
647
00:36:34,059 --> 00:36:36,159
"A house is made
of brick and stone,
648
00:36:36,161 --> 00:36:39,062
but a home is made
of love alone"?
649
00:36:39,064 --> 00:36:40,897
You ever hear that one?
650
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,134
No, Greg, I haven't.
651
00:36:48,072 --> 00:36:50,006
I read it, uh...
652
00:36:50,008 --> 00:36:53,577
It was like hanging up
in a doctor's office one time.
653
00:36:55,179 --> 00:36:57,914
You guys ever hear
a phrase that's like,
654
00:36:57,916 --> 00:37:00,517
"a bird in the hand
is like two in a bush"?
655
00:37:02,254 --> 00:37:04,321
I heard that one.
Yeah?
656
00:37:04,323 --> 00:37:06,856
Yeah. You guys
ever hear that phrase,
657
00:37:06,858 --> 00:37:08,892
"there's nothing that
feels better than feeling
658
00:37:08,894 --> 00:37:11,828
someone's last breath
come out of their mouth"?
659
00:37:13,699 --> 00:37:16,333
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I heard that one.
660
00:37:16,335 --> 00:37:18,268
I heard that one.
661
00:37:18,270 --> 00:37:20,337
What about, like,
that one where it's like,
662
00:37:20,339 --> 00:37:22,339
"the final drop of blood
in a man's body
663
00:37:22,341 --> 00:37:24,708
is the sweetest nectar
you'll ever drink"?
664
00:37:24,710 --> 00:37:26,910
Yeah. Yeah.
665
00:37:26,912 --> 00:37:29,946
So I met this guy.
666
00:37:29,948 --> 00:37:33,083
He owns this space in midtown.
It's kind of fancy for us.
667
00:37:33,085 --> 00:37:35,518
It's mostly like jazz and
classical music and stuff,
668
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,521
but he said we could rent it
on one of the off-nights.
669
00:37:38,523 --> 00:37:41,291
We might even be able to
make some money. Really?
670
00:37:41,293 --> 00:37:43,560
Yeah.
Wow. Is it expensive or...
671
00:37:43,562 --> 00:37:47,731
That's the thing. We would
have to front like $4,000.
672
00:37:47,733 --> 00:37:51,034
But once we match it in ticket
sales, we split up any profits.
673
00:37:51,036 --> 00:37:53,870
That sounds good.
Can we see the space?
674
00:37:53,872 --> 00:37:57,707
Hey. Come on, guys. Look.
Is this a lovely room, huh?
675
00:37:57,709 --> 00:38:00,110
It's nice.
Is that a Steinway?
676
00:38:00,112 --> 00:38:01,611
Biggest one in the city.
677
00:38:01,613 --> 00:38:03,313
It's got a good vibe.
678
00:38:03,315 --> 00:38:06,249
He seems like he really likes our
show, but he also seems like,
679
00:38:06,251 --> 00:38:09,919
if I'm being honest, like he's
slimy enough to get it done.
680
00:38:09,921 --> 00:38:11,821
Yeah.
Good slimy.
681
00:38:11,823 --> 00:38:16,259
I actually gotta get going.
But I'll see you at 9:00?
682
00:38:16,261 --> 00:38:19,663
Can we make it 9:30? What
are you guys working on?
683
00:38:19,665 --> 00:38:22,165
Writing packet for weekend live.
Cool.
684
00:38:22,167 --> 00:38:24,434
I would get in on that.
685
00:38:24,436 --> 00:38:26,336
What do you mean?
686
00:38:26,338 --> 00:38:29,739
Like, I'd submit
with you guys as a team.
687
00:38:30,675 --> 00:38:32,742
Writing teams are two people.
688
00:38:33,644 --> 00:38:35,578
And we already kind of...
689
00:38:37,848 --> 00:38:40,917
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no, I'll do...
I'll do my own.
690
00:38:42,620 --> 00:38:44,521
They should all...
You want the scenes, guys,
691
00:38:44,523 --> 00:38:47,857
to run about three minutes to
four minutes, tops. Gotcha.
692
00:38:47,859 --> 00:38:50,327
The whole packet should have
like three parody pieces,
693
00:38:50,329 --> 00:38:52,962
a commercial piece, a political piece.
That's good.
694
00:38:52,964 --> 00:38:55,265
Do you think they would
want like cartoon form?
695
00:38:55,267 --> 00:38:56,700
I was thinking about
drawing them out
696
00:38:56,702 --> 00:38:58,868
so they read it
almost like a comic.
697
00:38:58,870 --> 00:39:02,839
Maybe draw a couple little
cartoons next to the script.
698
00:39:02,841 --> 00:39:05,208
There's this girl,
and she's on a dating show,
699
00:39:05,210 --> 00:39:08,511
and she doesn't know that
she's fighting to win the love
700
00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:10,880
of an alien and Sasquatch
and Abe Lincoln's ghost.
701
00:39:10,882 --> 00:39:13,350
All right. And then
she wins Abe Lincoln.
702
00:39:13,352 --> 00:39:15,285
He's like, "I can't 'cause I'm
married," and she's like,
703
00:39:15,287 --> 00:39:18,021
"well, then why did you
even join this game show?"
704
00:39:18,023 --> 00:39:20,290
He's like, "'cause I had
a gun to my head."
705
00:39:20,292 --> 00:39:22,058
And then it's actually...
706
00:39:22,060 --> 00:39:25,562
It's John Wilkes booth,
and he's gonna shoot him.
707
00:39:25,564 --> 00:39:27,831
Then John Wilkes booth
is, like, a handsome ghost,
708
00:39:27,833 --> 00:39:29,566
and he's like,
"well, I'm single."
709
00:39:29,568 --> 00:39:31,701
And she's into it
'cause she likes ghosts.
710
00:39:31,703 --> 00:39:33,370
That's out there.
That's awesome.
711
00:39:33,372 --> 00:39:37,907
Gary Cho could play that
Sasquatch, no problem. No problem.
712
00:39:37,909 --> 00:39:41,644
It's too plot heavy.
I don't like it.
713
00:39:42,813 --> 00:39:47,650
They have to order for him
'cause they're like...
714
00:39:56,093 --> 00:40:00,363
Hey, I've got a few friends that
want to submit some writing.
715
00:40:00,365 --> 00:40:04,234
When would be, like, a good time
to talk to Timothy about that?
716
00:40:04,236 --> 00:40:06,102
Is this like a bet?
717
00:40:06,104 --> 00:40:07,537
No, I'm just asking.
718
00:40:07,539 --> 00:40:09,372
Oh, this is like a real thing?
719
00:40:09,374 --> 00:40:11,007
Oh, never.
720
00:40:11,009 --> 00:40:14,210
Don't ever talk to Timothy
about your funny friends.
721
00:40:14,212 --> 00:40:18,548
First year, just don't get fired.
Right, right.
722
00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:21,184
So just don't ever do it
during the first year?
723
00:40:21,186 --> 00:40:25,288
I'm sorry. Was my, like,
tone not sarcastic enough?
724
00:40:25,290 --> 00:40:27,624
Never do it. Ever.
725
00:40:34,865 --> 00:40:38,301
Um... um...
726
00:40:38,303 --> 00:40:42,238
So... I'm filling in
for miles today.
727
00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:45,742
I have to confess, this is
my first ever time teaching.
728
00:40:45,744 --> 00:40:49,245
So it's new for me, it's new for you,
but I think it's gonna be great.
729
00:40:49,247 --> 00:40:51,214
I really think you guys...
730
00:40:51,216 --> 00:40:53,650
I see bright shiny eyes,
and you're making me happy.
731
00:40:53,652 --> 00:40:56,453
Um... what did I
wanna talk to you about?
732
00:40:56,455 --> 00:41:01,157
I wanted to talk to you
about group minds.
733
00:41:01,159 --> 00:41:04,160
We're on the verge. I feel it, right?
So I want...
734
00:41:04,162 --> 00:41:08,431
Even when you're just coming in
and doing warm-ups, zip zap zop,
735
00:41:08,433 --> 00:41:11,835
I want you guys to really be
connecting with each other.
736
00:41:11,837 --> 00:41:13,736
Um...
737
00:41:13,738 --> 00:41:15,738
Does anybody have any questions?
738
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:18,441
Yes.
I'm sorry.
739
00:41:18,443 --> 00:41:20,643
I'm just finding this
really confusing.
740
00:41:22,847 --> 00:41:24,514
Good note. Good note.
741
00:41:24,516 --> 00:41:28,751
Um, has anybody had
a particularly hard day?
742
00:41:28,753 --> 00:41:31,287
I had to come back
from France early.
743
00:41:31,289 --> 00:41:33,256
Oh!
744
00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:38,161
Oh!
745
00:41:38,163 --> 00:41:42,532
I went to Europe, and I had to come
home early. Oh, the poor girl.
746
00:41:42,534 --> 00:41:44,667
The poor girl
had to go to Europe.
747
00:41:44,669 --> 00:41:47,470
I had to go to France.
Oh, honey.
748
00:41:47,472 --> 00:41:52,141
She had to go to Europe. Is
there anything we can do? I...
749
00:41:52,143 --> 00:41:55,178
This is really depressing.
I'm sorry.
750
00:41:55,180 --> 00:41:58,047
I donate at the office
751
00:41:58,049 --> 00:42:01,384
for kids who have to
come back from Europe.
752
00:42:01,386 --> 00:42:04,687
Yes. I was gonna go to Belgium.
753
00:42:06,057 --> 00:42:08,958
Is there anything you can do?
I don't know.
754
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:13,630
I mean, I'm kind of dealing
with my own stuff right now.
755
00:42:13,632 --> 00:42:16,366
What kind of stuff?
I have no bone marrow.
756
00:42:22,908 --> 00:42:25,675
- Hey, guys. This is Liz.
- Hey.
757
00:42:25,677 --> 00:42:28,978
Came to the show tonight. We went
to Naperville high school together.
758
00:42:28,980 --> 00:42:31,214
Hi. We used to do high
school theater together.
759
00:42:31,216 --> 00:42:34,417
We did high school theater. We did
a midsummer night's dream. Yeah.
760
00:42:34,419 --> 00:42:36,519
I used to watch her change.
What?
761
00:42:36,521 --> 00:42:39,422
Yeah, true. True story.
762
00:42:39,424 --> 00:42:41,090
That's terrible.
Weird.
763
00:42:41,092 --> 00:42:42,926
This was such a nice surprise.
764
00:42:42,928 --> 00:42:46,229
Oh. Well, you know,
I'm on my world tour.
765
00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:49,699
And I've been following your posts on
Facebook about the commune for years.
766
00:42:49,701 --> 00:42:51,434
I had to check it out.
That's so cool.
767
00:42:51,436 --> 00:42:54,437
I remember in high school you
were the star of every play
768
00:42:54,439 --> 00:42:57,941
and I was always, like,
the milkman or the messenger.
769
00:42:57,943 --> 00:42:59,776
Narrator.
Narrator.
770
00:42:59,778 --> 00:43:03,546
I was a clown
or the stage manager.
771
00:43:03,548 --> 00:43:06,749
Watch your head on the pipe.
This is it.
772
00:43:07,685 --> 00:43:10,853
You know, not huge,
but neither am I.
773
00:43:11,789 --> 00:43:14,457
Wow. This is moving
pretty fast.
774
00:43:14,459 --> 00:43:17,894
No, no, I...
Gosh, no, I...
775
00:43:17,896 --> 00:43:20,563
I wasn't gonna suggest
that we...
776
00:43:20,565 --> 00:43:23,733
I'm not staying here. No, no, no,
I didn't think that you would.
777
00:43:23,735 --> 00:43:26,970
I'm a 36-year-old woman. I'm not
gonna stay in your college dorm.
778
00:43:26,972 --> 00:43:28,871
No, no, of course.
Here. Sorry, sorry.
779
00:43:28,873 --> 00:43:32,642
You're misunderstanding.
I'm 36 as well.
780
00:43:32,644 --> 00:43:34,877
So I'm here for a few weeks.
781
00:43:34,879 --> 00:43:38,715
Oh, I'd love to see you
as much as, you know...
782
00:43:38,717 --> 00:43:41,150
As much as my schedule allows?
783
00:43:41,152 --> 00:43:42,819
Yeah. Hey!
784
00:43:44,054 --> 00:43:47,590
I had a great time.
Oh. Uh...
785
00:43:47,592 --> 00:43:50,326
You should come by tomorrow.
We're gonna watch Jack on TV.
786
00:43:50,328 --> 00:43:53,129
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll do that.
Yeah. So...
787
00:43:53,131 --> 00:43:54,464
Oh.
788
00:44:03,807 --> 00:44:05,808
"Thank you forever."
789
00:44:09,346 --> 00:44:11,247
Just be careful with those.
790
00:44:14,451 --> 00:44:17,487
"Art which is most exciting
today is impermanent
791
00:44:17,489 --> 00:44:20,857
and not meant to last
except as an act of love.
792
00:44:20,859 --> 00:44:22,759
It just comes out
between people.
793
00:44:22,761 --> 00:44:24,193
It doesn't want
to be written down.
794
00:44:24,195 --> 00:44:27,096
It passes in the moment
and disappears."
795
00:44:28,599 --> 00:44:30,500
So, for tomorrow,
do you wanna...
796
00:44:30,502 --> 00:44:34,504
Do you want me to get you seats or do
you wanna hang out in my dressing room?
797
00:44:37,207 --> 00:44:40,276
I don't know if I can
go back in that building.
798
00:44:44,648 --> 00:44:46,382
Okay.
799
00:44:46,384 --> 00:44:50,186
I could meet you at the party.
Yeah.
800
00:44:50,188 --> 00:44:52,789
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good. Yeah.
801
00:44:59,030 --> 00:45:01,731
It's weekend live!
802
00:45:01,733 --> 00:45:06,069
We're gonna watch the show here, but
Jack is gonna get us into the party.
803
00:45:09,506 --> 00:45:11,340
And...
804
00:45:11,342 --> 00:45:13,576
Jack Mercer!
805
00:45:15,045 --> 00:45:16,312
ICK.
806
00:45:16,314 --> 00:45:17,880
Fuck.
807
00:45:17,882 --> 00:45:20,750
- He did it.
- That's our guy.
808
00:45:20,752 --> 00:45:25,054
Musical guest, Elel.
809
00:45:33,864 --> 00:45:38,601
Five, four,
three, two, one. Go.
810
00:45:38,603 --> 00:45:40,103
Step right up!
811
00:45:40,105 --> 00:45:42,605
I can get your tickets
for you right here!
812
00:45:42,607 --> 00:45:45,608
Tickets! Yeah. Uh, I was
gonna get two tickets,
813
00:45:45,610 --> 00:45:47,243
but I was gonna use a kiosk.
814
00:45:47,245 --> 00:45:48,945
Look no further than me, friend.
815
00:45:48,947 --> 00:45:50,513
I can get you tickets
right here,
816
00:45:50,515 --> 00:45:53,916
and I can get 'em for you
at a g-r-e-a-t price.
817
00:45:54,885 --> 00:45:57,286
Not funny.
818
00:45:57,888 --> 00:46:00,757
Skillful, but not funny.
819
00:46:00,759 --> 00:46:05,895
It's like when something sounds
funny, but it isn't funny.
820
00:46:05,897 --> 00:46:08,564
Please welcome Elel!
821
00:46:54,945 --> 00:46:56,846
We gotta go.
I... dude, I'm coming.
822
00:46:56,848 --> 00:47:00,183
I'm coming. Just give me one second.
Do not leave without me!
823
00:47:00,185 --> 00:47:02,318
No room for your
funny friends, Jack.
824
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:04,287
Robbie, do not leave without me.
825
00:47:04,289 --> 00:47:05,755
We'll hang
outside the time Warner.
826
00:47:05,757 --> 00:47:07,857
Jack said meet at the stage door.
Stage door?
827
00:47:07,859 --> 00:47:09,425
We're not waiting
outside a building.
828
00:47:09,427 --> 00:47:11,994
Why not? He's probably there
looking for us right now.
829
00:47:11,996 --> 00:47:13,996
That's not even where the party is!
Let's go.
830
00:47:13,998 --> 00:47:15,364
Fine.
831
00:47:15,366 --> 00:47:18,034
Liz and I are not doing that.
832
00:47:18,036 --> 00:47:21,003
We are 36-year-old adults.
833
00:47:24,708 --> 00:47:28,110
Lena! Lena! Lena!
834
00:47:28,112 --> 00:47:31,547
Excuse me.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
835
00:47:31,549 --> 00:47:33,015
Sorry.
836
00:47:33,017 --> 00:47:37,053
Hey, you think any more of 'em
will come out? That's probably it.
837
00:47:37,055 --> 00:47:40,690
My man, you know where the party's at?
I don't know.
838
00:47:40,692 --> 00:47:42,525
Where'd you get that picture?
839
00:47:42,527 --> 00:47:43,726
That's our friend Jack.
840
00:47:43,728 --> 00:47:46,662
I don't know who he is. I
found it on a message board.
841
00:47:46,664 --> 00:47:48,464
That's my boyfriend.
Okay.
842
00:47:48,466 --> 00:47:51,033
That's my arm around him
in that picture.
843
00:47:51,035 --> 00:47:53,502
Yeah, that's her.
Yeah.
844
00:47:53,504 --> 00:47:56,806
Can you guys give me a
little space or something?
845
00:47:56,808 --> 00:47:59,876
I'm taking off, you guys.
I think Liz and I are done.
846
00:47:59,878 --> 00:48:01,611
Yeah, I'm outta here.
Really?
847
00:48:10,754 --> 00:48:13,322
- Hey.
- Have a seat.
848
00:48:13,324 --> 00:48:14,590
Thank you.
849
00:48:15,192 --> 00:48:17,593
You were very good.
850
00:48:17,595 --> 00:48:20,529
Thank you so much. It's
just been so surreal.
851
00:48:20,531 --> 00:48:23,666
- Don't thank me now.
It's weak. -Right.
852
00:48:23,668 --> 00:48:26,244
Thank me if I don't fire
you after the first season.
853
00:48:26,269 --> 00:48:27,103
Right.
854
00:48:27,105 --> 00:48:28,938
Yeah.
I'm kidding.
855
00:48:28,940 --> 00:48:30,172
Oh.
856
00:48:30,174 --> 00:48:32,775
But I got you something.
857
00:48:32,777 --> 00:48:34,777
I'm gonna give you a hint.
858
00:48:34,779 --> 00:48:36,279
It's Swedish.
859
00:48:36,281 --> 00:48:39,515
It's wooden.
It's a bicycle.
860
00:48:39,517 --> 00:48:41,117
Oh!
861
00:48:41,119 --> 00:48:44,120
Yeah, when Björk did the show, she
brought her designer Artipelag,
862
00:48:44,122 --> 00:48:48,758
and, uh, he made that by hand.
Really?
863
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:51,294
Thank you so much. I...
864
00:48:51,296 --> 00:48:53,129
Um...
865
00:48:54,298 --> 00:48:57,233
Uh, should I take it
back over to my table, or...
866
00:48:57,235 --> 00:49:00,102
Oh, we'll store that for you.
Gotcha. Gotcha.
867
00:49:00,104 --> 00:49:01,737
Or you can ride.
868
00:49:10,647 --> 00:49:12,548
Oh.
869
00:49:15,085 --> 00:49:16,819
Hey.
Mmm.
870
00:49:16,821 --> 00:49:19,388
Oh, boy, there she is.
871
00:49:19,990 --> 00:49:21,824
Mmm. Hi.
872
00:49:21,826 --> 00:49:23,159
No, buddy.
Hello.
873
00:49:23,161 --> 00:49:24,794
Ain't happenin'.
874
00:49:27,832 --> 00:49:29,665
Oh, that was like a baby bird.
875
00:49:29,667 --> 00:49:33,169
You know what? I'm gonna sleep
on the couch. You sleep in here.
876
00:49:41,946 --> 00:49:43,846
Hello.
877
00:49:43,848 --> 00:49:46,582
Oh, hello.
878
00:49:46,584 --> 00:49:48,284
Yeah, Timothy recommended these.
879
00:49:48,286 --> 00:49:51,854
- Um, they were imported
from Holland. -God.
880
00:49:51,856 --> 00:49:54,657
He gave them to Dorothy Goodwin
when she went into rehab.
881
00:49:54,659 --> 00:49:56,192
Oh! Not these
particular flowers.
882
00:49:56,194 --> 00:49:57,994
I'm just saying,
it's from that place.
883
00:49:57,996 --> 00:49:59,595
Rehab flowers.
Yeah.
884
00:50:00,697 --> 00:50:03,332
Hey. Sweetie.
885
00:50:03,334 --> 00:50:05,534
I am so sorry about last night.
886
00:50:05,536 --> 00:50:08,137
I'm so sorry, and we're gonna
get through this, okay?
887
00:50:08,139 --> 00:50:09,705
I know.
All right?
888
00:50:09,707 --> 00:50:11,307
Thank you.
889
00:50:11,309 --> 00:50:12,641
All right.
Love you.
890
00:50:12,643 --> 00:50:15,611
Where you going?
I... I gotta go to work.
891
00:50:19,616 --> 00:50:24,120
He had a seizure last week,
actually, which is not a good sign.
892
00:50:24,122 --> 00:50:26,489
Really? Yeah. We're
all really on edge.
893
00:50:26,491 --> 00:50:28,891
God, that sucks, bill.
I'm so sorry.
894
00:50:28,893 --> 00:50:30,626
Yeah.
It's been pretty grim.
895
00:50:30,628 --> 00:50:32,561
It's been pretty grim, you know?
896
00:50:32,563 --> 00:50:35,664
So, um, here's our writing packet.
Yes.
897
00:50:35,666 --> 00:50:37,533
All right. We worked
really hard on it.
898
00:50:37,535 --> 00:50:39,668
Yeah, it's good.
It's good.
899
00:50:39,670 --> 00:50:42,071
Got it. No, no, okay,
guys, absolutely.
900
00:50:42,073 --> 00:50:43,205
Um...
Thanks.
901
00:50:43,207 --> 00:50:44,874
You're welcome.
Yeah.
902
00:50:44,876 --> 00:50:46,575
Remember, don't thank me yet.
903
00:50:46,577 --> 00:50:50,079
All I can do is try to get
it toward Timothy's desk.
904
00:50:50,081 --> 00:50:51,914
You know what I mean?
Much appreciated.
905
00:50:51,916 --> 00:50:53,382
Yeah. Absolutely.
906
00:50:53,384 --> 00:50:55,584
I want you to know that I
am recommending everybody.
907
00:50:55,586 --> 00:50:58,988
I'm recommending you guys
and miles and... you know.
908
00:50:58,990 --> 00:51:00,756
Yeah. Miles, yeah.
909
00:51:00,758 --> 00:51:04,927
Just remember, we're the two that
have never talked shit about you.
910
00:51:04,929 --> 00:51:08,264
You know, miles, I'm gonna
put in a good word for you,
911
00:51:08,266 --> 00:51:10,599
but it's not my job to give.
912
00:51:10,601 --> 00:51:12,001
Right.
913
00:51:12,003 --> 00:51:15,604
But they'll want me, right?
914
00:51:16,673 --> 00:51:19,108
I...
915
00:51:19,110 --> 00:51:21,777
I taught you.
I know.
916
00:51:21,779 --> 00:51:24,680
I taught you everything.
917
00:51:24,682 --> 00:51:27,616
Just tell them that.
918
00:51:27,618 --> 00:51:30,619
They have Jack Mercer. Now
they can get his teacher.
919
00:51:37,260 --> 00:51:39,695
I'm gonna...
920
00:51:39,697 --> 00:51:42,698
I'm gonna recommend
all you guys.
921
00:51:42,700 --> 00:51:45,267
'Cause I think that's only fair.
922
00:51:46,536 --> 00:51:47,970
This is very unattractive.
923
00:51:49,439 --> 00:51:51,974
Your, like, little hat...
924
00:51:51,976 --> 00:51:53,876
And your... your attitude.
925
00:51:53,878 --> 00:51:55,945
This whole like,
"I'm bigger than everybody."
926
00:51:55,947 --> 00:51:57,480
It's like...
You're just like us.
927
00:51:57,482 --> 00:51:59,582
Your head is so big right now.
928
00:51:59,584 --> 00:52:03,819
Your-your whole
egocentric world...
929
00:52:03,821 --> 00:52:06,722
You just have...
You're completely unaware.
930
00:52:09,893 --> 00:52:11,694
You are st...
931
00:52:13,997 --> 00:52:18,167
You are striking out at me right
now, and I don't understand why,
932
00:52:18,169 --> 00:52:22,671
because I already told you all
I can do is submit your packet
933
00:52:22,673 --> 00:52:25,407
and let the chips fall
where they may.
934
00:52:47,864 --> 00:52:50,766
I just don't feel
like he believes in me.
935
00:52:50,768 --> 00:52:53,536
My dad always told me,
"the thing with an easy sell
936
00:52:53,538 --> 00:52:56,472
is that the thing has
to actually be easy to sell."
937
00:52:56,474 --> 00:52:58,140
What does that even mean?
938
00:52:58,142 --> 00:53:00,042
You have to have the goods.
939
00:53:00,044 --> 00:53:01,777
I don't have the goods?
940
00:53:01,779 --> 00:53:05,014
You can work on the goods
instead of working on Jack.
941
00:53:05,016 --> 00:53:06,148
Do the work.
942
00:53:06,150 --> 00:53:08,951
Oh, I've been working
on the goods.
943
00:53:09,853 --> 00:53:12,054
What are you doing?
944
00:53:12,056 --> 00:53:14,023
Like, are you working right now?
945
00:53:14,025 --> 00:53:17,626
Are you applying for anything?
Uh, unemployment.
946
00:53:18,395 --> 00:53:20,029
Unemployment?
947
00:53:20,031 --> 00:53:24,166
Your parents own a brownstone
on the upper West Side.
948
00:53:24,168 --> 00:53:27,703
Yeah, they do.
I'm separate from them.
949
00:53:27,705 --> 00:53:30,406
You go to therapy twice a week.
Who pays for that?
950
00:53:30,408 --> 00:53:33,475
I'm not having
this conversation.
951
00:53:33,477 --> 00:53:36,912
I just think it's weird that
you're the richest one among us...
952
00:53:36,914 --> 00:53:39,748
And you get checks from the
government that we pay for.
953
00:53:39,750 --> 00:53:44,486
Don't you think that's true, Mr. Coughlin?
Miles, let this one go.
954
00:53:44,488 --> 00:53:47,489
Dog, dog!
Hey, look what I got for you!
955
00:53:47,491 --> 00:53:49,858
My dad bought two tickets
956
00:53:49,860 --> 00:53:54,163
to the Marshfield high school
production of Peter Pan.
957
00:53:54,165 --> 00:53:56,365
Aw.
You look like Peter Pan.
958
00:53:57,568 --> 00:53:59,668
I think he's just nostalgic
959
00:53:59,670 --> 00:54:02,705
for back when I was the star
of every play, you know.
960
00:54:02,707 --> 00:54:04,773
When I was in high school,
961
00:54:04,775 --> 00:54:08,177
I won the Eisner award
for most promising cartoonist,
962
00:54:08,179 --> 00:54:12,214
and I've never had
one book published.
963
00:54:12,216 --> 00:54:15,517
Data's working on this graphic novel.
It's amazing.
964
00:54:15,519 --> 00:54:17,052
Oh, I don't know.
965
00:54:17,054 --> 00:54:20,122
What's it about?
Okay.
966
00:54:20,124 --> 00:54:24,460
So it's about this girl and
she lives in this small town,
967
00:54:24,462 --> 00:54:26,795
and then...
Well, she's a sculptor,
968
00:54:26,797 --> 00:54:28,697
and the whole town
saves up money
969
00:54:28,699 --> 00:54:30,566
and sends her
to the sculpture academy.
970
00:54:30,568 --> 00:54:33,469
And when she gets there,
she never sculpts again.
971
00:54:33,471 --> 00:54:36,105
Why not?
Because she's intimidated.
972
00:54:37,407 --> 00:54:38,707
Can we read it?
973
00:54:39,576 --> 00:54:42,111
Well, it's not done yet.
974
00:55:01,998 --> 00:55:04,500
- Got your back.
- Got your back.
975
00:55:04,502 --> 00:55:06,769
- Got your back.
- Got your back.
976
00:55:06,771 --> 00:55:08,270
Got your back.
Got your back.
977
00:55:08,272 --> 00:55:09,838
Got your back.
Got your back.
978
00:55:09,840 --> 00:55:11,307
Got your back.
979
00:55:11,309 --> 00:55:14,009
Please welcome the commune!
980
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:19,014
We never even really left. No.
981
00:55:19,016 --> 00:55:20,316
Wow.
982
00:55:20,318 --> 00:55:22,751
You just had to wish for us.
983
00:55:27,524 --> 00:55:30,859
Here I am, 58 years old
and twice divorced,
984
00:55:30,861 --> 00:55:33,696
and finally
my imaginary friends return.
985
00:55:37,967 --> 00:55:40,436
Even if we're imaginary,
we love you.
986
00:55:40,438 --> 00:55:42,771
It's the only love
you've ever felt.
987
00:55:42,773 --> 00:55:44,440
You guys...
988
00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:49,812
You feel more real than you
did even when I was a kid.
989
00:55:49,814 --> 00:55:52,715
You're such a great guy.
990
00:55:52,717 --> 00:55:56,785
Sorry none of your wives
ever said that.
991
00:56:01,224 --> 00:56:04,059
And the most
important thing is, don't think.
992
00:56:04,061 --> 00:56:07,129
Del close was the first one who said that.
It's everything.
993
00:56:07,131 --> 00:56:10,065
You don't think, you don't memorize,
you don't... you don't get paid.
994
00:56:10,067 --> 00:56:11,700
Oh, Gary, so true.
995
00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:13,902
But isn't that
kinda fun too? Right?
996
00:56:13,904 --> 00:56:17,206
I remember that one. What am I doing?
Oh, my god.
997
00:56:17,208 --> 00:56:20,075
Remember that? Oh, yeah! I
totally remember that one.
998
00:56:20,077 --> 00:56:21,076
Yeah.
999
00:56:21,078 --> 00:56:23,579
Let's use this box for storage.
1000
00:56:23,581 --> 00:56:26,048
So we'll just put stuff in here.
Okay.
1001
00:56:26,050 --> 00:56:28,751
- Why are we wearing pajamas?
- Nighttime with us.
1002
00:56:28,753 --> 00:56:30,919
They wanna dream in these
improv for America shirts?
1003
00:56:30,921 --> 00:56:33,255
They were supposed to go... guys.
1004
00:56:33,257 --> 00:56:36,258
You're not gonna believe what I just found.
Do you remember this?
1005
00:56:36,260 --> 00:56:40,028
These tuxedos my dad gave us after
he bought out that dry cleaner?
1006
00:56:40,030 --> 00:56:42,064
We used to actually
wear these in shows.
1007
00:56:42,066 --> 00:56:44,566
All right, what are we thinking?
Storage or garbage?
1008
00:56:44,568 --> 00:56:46,902
No, storage.
People loved these.
1009
00:56:46,904 --> 00:56:49,104
Why'd we stop wearing them?
1010
00:56:49,106 --> 00:56:50,906
It's so small.
1011
00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:53,409
I'm so small.
1012
00:56:53,411 --> 00:56:55,511
They were fun to wear.
1013
00:56:55,513 --> 00:56:57,246
Not a bad idea.
1014
00:56:57,248 --> 00:57:01,950
I was seriously worried that other
teams were gonna rip off the idea.
1015
00:57:01,952 --> 00:57:05,587
Do you guys feel like this
whole process is kinda like...
1016
00:57:05,589 --> 00:57:08,157
Life telling us
to just maybe move on?
1017
00:57:09,292 --> 00:57:12,394
Your writing packet is
really good, you guys.
1018
00:57:12,396 --> 00:57:15,631
You know, like, weekend live
would be lucky to have you.
1019
00:57:15,633 --> 00:57:17,466
Oh, my old...
You don't want it?
1020
00:57:17,468 --> 00:57:18,801
No.
1021
00:57:18,803 --> 00:57:22,037
I feel like your 20s
are all about hope,
1022
00:57:22,039 --> 00:57:26,608
and then your 30s are all about
realizing how dumb it was to hope.
1023
00:57:27,477 --> 00:57:30,145
Oh, my god.
Look at you.
1024
00:57:30,147 --> 00:57:33,148
You look like a little
claymation seven-year-old.
1025
00:57:33,150 --> 00:57:36,652
Wait. Let me see. That's me.
That's a boy.
1026
00:57:36,654 --> 00:57:40,823
Who is the one who looks like
he's made of flour and water?
1027
00:57:40,825 --> 00:57:43,425
I was 21 years old.
1028
00:57:43,427 --> 00:57:45,894
Like, without the commune,
who am I?
1029
00:57:45,896 --> 00:57:48,464
It's like when I go
to the grocery store
1030
00:57:48,466 --> 00:57:50,566
and people treat me
like I don't exist,
1031
00:57:50,568 --> 00:57:54,169
I'm in my head, "boy, I got a secret.
I go onstage. I kill.
1032
00:57:54,171 --> 00:57:56,972
I crush. I'm a superhero."
1033
00:57:56,974 --> 00:58:01,743
But without improv,
I'm kinda just a loser.
1034
00:58:05,682 --> 00:58:09,351
So it was like a silent meditation retreat?
Yeah. In Brazil.
1035
00:58:09,353 --> 00:58:12,187
And everyone was quiet.
Okay.
1036
00:58:12,189 --> 00:58:13,822
For days.
Okay.
1037
00:58:13,824 --> 00:58:15,491
It was...
It was incredible.
1038
00:58:15,493 --> 00:58:19,461
I could hear myself think for the first
time, I think, in my whole life.
1039
00:58:19,463 --> 00:58:21,697
I bet you got in trouble
for humming.
1040
00:58:21,699 --> 00:58:23,332
What do you mean?
'Cause you hum.
1041
00:58:23,334 --> 00:58:25,501
I remember that from algebra class.
What?
1042
00:58:25,503 --> 00:58:27,169
Mrs. green always
used to get mad
1043
00:58:27,171 --> 00:58:29,972
because you would hum
while you were doing equations.
1044
00:58:29,974 --> 00:58:32,774
You'd get this faraway look in
your eye and start humming.
1045
00:58:32,776 --> 00:58:35,944
I could never figure out
what the song was.
1046
00:58:35,946 --> 00:58:38,213
Okay, you know
way too much about me.
1047
00:58:38,215 --> 00:58:40,282
That's the tip of the iceberg.
You're freaking me out.
1048
00:58:40,284 --> 00:58:43,485
I'm onto you! Now will you
sleep in my college dorm?
1049
00:58:43,487 --> 00:58:45,053
No!
1050
00:58:45,055 --> 00:58:46,488
I like you.
1051
00:58:46,490 --> 00:58:48,223
I like me too.
1052
00:58:49,792 --> 00:58:52,895
You just said,
"I like me too."
1053
00:58:52,897 --> 00:58:54,730
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
1054
00:58:54,732 --> 00:58:56,365
Yeah, you did. You did. No.
1055
00:58:57,734 --> 00:59:01,236
The point is, I like you too.
Mmm.
1056
00:59:01,238 --> 00:59:04,640
Oh, hey. Hey. What's going on?
1057
00:59:05,909 --> 00:59:09,244
I snuck out early
to go to a pharmacy.
1058
00:59:11,147 --> 00:59:13,882
I'm pregnant.
Oh!
1059
00:59:13,884 --> 00:59:15,250
Um...
1060
00:59:16,085 --> 00:59:17,486
Great.
1061
00:59:17,488 --> 00:59:19,321
That was fast.
1062
00:59:19,323 --> 00:59:23,058
Usually it takes... At
least four to six visits.
1063
00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:27,396
No, it's this guy I met in Brazil.
I'm pretty sure.
1064
00:59:28,698 --> 00:59:32,234
The... the silent retreat guy?
Yeah.
1065
00:59:32,236 --> 00:59:33,936
The silent guy?
1066
00:59:33,938 --> 00:59:36,538
You guys just got
straight to it, no talking?
1067
00:59:36,540 --> 00:59:40,008
Yeah. No words required.
1068
00:59:40,010 --> 00:59:41,843
Um...
1069
00:59:42,946 --> 00:59:44,746
Is he gonna be the dad, or...
1070
00:59:44,748 --> 00:59:47,783
No. He's young.
1071
00:59:48,518 --> 00:59:50,085
Young? Fifteen? Illegal?
1072
00:59:50,087 --> 00:59:52,454
What kinda thing?
I can keep a secret.
1073
00:59:56,025 --> 00:59:59,861
The first thing I thought when I
found out was I can't keep it.
1074
01:00:00,964 --> 01:00:05,300
But then it hit me.
I'm not 19.
1075
01:00:25,955 --> 01:00:28,056
I gotta tell you something.
1076
01:00:28,058 --> 01:00:29,224
Yeah?
1077
01:00:30,326 --> 01:00:32,160
I didn't...
1078
01:00:34,797 --> 01:00:36,264
What-what is it?
1079
01:00:36,266 --> 01:00:39,234
I didn't go to
my weekend live audition.
1080
01:00:39,236 --> 01:00:41,336
I just didn't go.
1081
01:00:41,338 --> 01:00:42,904
Why?
1082
01:00:42,906 --> 01:00:45,140
I mean, why?
Why wouldn't you go?
1083
01:00:45,142 --> 01:00:48,143
I don't know. I freaked out.
I told you I would...
1084
01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:51,446
Life is so short, and you have to
do things that you believe in,
1085
01:00:51,448 --> 01:00:54,016
or what is the point of all of this?
Yeah.
1086
01:00:54,018 --> 01:00:56,985
And I watch that show,
and it's not for me.
1087
01:00:56,987 --> 01:01:00,422
I like my life how it is right now.
I like the commune.
1088
01:01:00,424 --> 01:01:02,924
I know, Sam. I know.
1089
01:01:02,926 --> 01:01:07,996
The day you guys asked me to join the
commune was the greatest day of my life.
1090
01:01:07,998 --> 01:01:11,199
It was the greatest day
of my life.
1091
01:01:11,201 --> 01:01:13,769
But, honey, you can't do
improv forever, okay?
1092
01:01:13,771 --> 01:01:15,370
It just...
It ends, all right?
1093
01:01:15,372 --> 01:01:17,873
And I don't want it to end either,
but it will. It just will.
1094
01:01:17,875 --> 01:01:20,475
We've gotta jump
to the next Lily pad.
1095
01:01:20,477 --> 01:01:23,545
But I like this Lily pad.
1096
01:01:23,547 --> 01:01:27,716
Honestly, you should be on this show.
You'd be better than me.
1097
01:01:27,718 --> 01:01:29,384
Okay?
1098
01:01:35,958 --> 01:01:40,162
Think if, uh, I invited the producers to
come to my improv show, they would come?
1099
01:01:40,164 --> 01:01:42,397
'Cause I just want 'em
to see Sam again.
1100
01:01:42,399 --> 01:01:45,300
Okay. I don't even wanna
go to your improv show.
1101
01:01:45,302 --> 01:01:48,570
The only universe
I see that happening in
1102
01:01:48,572 --> 01:01:52,407
is if you got the host to go,
then maybe they would tag along.
1103
01:01:58,314 --> 01:01:59,481
Zip! Zap! Zop!
1104
01:01:59,483 --> 01:02:00,582
Zip! Zap! Zop!
1105
01:02:00,584 --> 01:02:02,684
Zap! Zop! Zap!
1106
01:02:02,686 --> 01:02:03,919
Zop!
Wait. Where's miles?
1107
01:02:03,921 --> 01:02:06,021
He's in Naperville with Liz.
1108
01:02:06,023 --> 01:02:07,756
What are they doing?
1109
01:02:07,758 --> 01:02:09,491
The new guy
is sanding the walls.
1110
01:02:09,493 --> 01:02:12,694
- Who's the new tenant?
- Urban outfitters.
1111
01:02:12,696 --> 01:02:14,096
Placards.
1112
01:02:14,098 --> 01:02:15,897
Anyway, but it's a really
beautiful neighborhood
1113
01:02:15,899 --> 01:02:17,899
with great restaurants.
1114
01:02:17,901 --> 01:02:19,835
Zip! Zap! Zop!
1115
01:02:19,837 --> 01:02:22,037
Zip! Zap! Sorry.
1116
01:02:22,039 --> 01:02:23,939
We should get onstage.
All right.
1117
01:02:23,941 --> 01:02:25,207
You sure?
Got your back.
1118
01:02:25,209 --> 01:02:26,408
Got your back.
Got your back.
1119
01:02:26,410 --> 01:02:28,610
Got your back. Got
your back, buddy.
1120
01:02:28,612 --> 01:02:31,113
And we are the commune!
1121
01:02:34,017 --> 01:02:37,519
Has anyone had
a particularly hard day?
1122
01:02:37,521 --> 01:02:39,020
Do the ticket taker guy!
1123
01:02:42,892 --> 01:02:45,393
That's a character
that Jack played on TV, yeah.
1124
01:02:45,395 --> 01:02:47,729
Could we get
a different suggestion?
1125
01:02:47,731 --> 01:02:50,465
Weekend live!
1126
01:02:50,467 --> 01:02:52,200
That is...
1127
01:02:52,202 --> 01:02:55,470
That's the name of a television show.
You nailed that. Um...
1128
01:02:57,240 --> 01:03:01,309
Anything... anything else?
Ben stiller?
1129
01:03:01,311 --> 01:03:03,378
Ben stiller.
1130
01:03:03,380 --> 01:03:06,815
Ben stiller is a member of
tonight's audience, correct.
1131
01:03:06,817 --> 01:03:10,819
Yeah, I'm... not... yeah.
1132
01:03:10,821 --> 01:03:15,657
Um, anything about
a personal hard day?
1133
01:03:16,659 --> 01:03:18,627
Something that happened to you?
1134
01:03:24,100 --> 01:03:25,567
Uh...
1135
01:03:28,238 --> 01:03:31,573
Here, here!
I got a bushel of tickets!
1136
01:03:36,345 --> 01:03:40,348
I mean, there's no show,
but I got tickets!
1137
01:03:40,350 --> 01:03:43,685
I got tickets!
1138
01:03:43,687 --> 01:03:46,354
Holy mackerel, look at you!
1139
01:03:46,356 --> 01:03:49,858
Is that... is that... is that
Gena Rowlands, the actress?
1140
01:03:51,428 --> 01:03:52,928
Hey-hey-hey!
1141
01:03:55,698 --> 01:03:57,199
It's not.
1142
01:03:57,201 --> 01:04:01,403
I, uh... I'm just a regular
ticket-loving lady.
1143
01:04:02,471 --> 01:04:04,973
You're telling me you're
not Gena Rowlands, huh?
1144
01:04:04,975 --> 01:04:09,444
I'm telling you
I'm not Gena Rowlands.
1145
01:04:09,446 --> 01:04:12,647
This is my improv group. This is Ben, guys.
Hi. I'm Ben.
1146
01:04:12,649 --> 01:04:13,682
How's it going?
Hi.
1147
01:04:13,684 --> 01:04:15,817
Great show. Great show.
You guys were great.
1148
01:04:15,819 --> 01:04:19,054
- Really, really funny. -Oh, thanks,
but you don't have to say that.
1149
01:04:19,056 --> 01:04:21,356
No, I know
I don't have to say it.
1150
01:04:21,358 --> 01:04:24,292
- Right. Right.
- You guys were great.
1151
01:04:24,294 --> 01:04:26,962
I'm sorry. I have to ask.
I've always wondered.
1152
01:04:26,964 --> 01:04:29,631
When you wake up in the morning,
1153
01:04:29,633 --> 01:04:33,668
are you just like, "oh,
my god, I'm Ben stiller"?
1154
01:04:33,670 --> 01:04:37,038
Um... yeah. Probably in the same
way you wake up in the morning
1155
01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:39,875
and go, "I'm Allison."
1156
01:04:39,877 --> 01:04:42,844
In heavyweights and dodgeball
and reality bites,
1157
01:04:42,846 --> 01:04:46,014
you've never shied away from
playing an unlikable character.
1158
01:04:46,016 --> 01:04:48,683
Like, what... what gives
you that courage?
1159
01:04:48,685 --> 01:04:50,485
Um... wow.
1160
01:04:50,487 --> 01:04:54,756
You know, I never really thought
of myself as unlikable, but...
1161
01:04:54,758 --> 01:04:56,691
Oh, I didn't...
You're not.
1162
01:04:56,693 --> 01:04:59,761
No, no, no, I'm just saying
as the character obviously...
1163
01:04:59,763 --> 01:05:01,496
You know.
1164
01:05:01,498 --> 01:05:05,500
Did you think that the reality
bites guy was unlikable?
1165
01:05:05,502 --> 01:05:08,403
My question is, who wrote the Eddie
Munster sketch? Did you write it?
1166
01:05:08,405 --> 01:05:11,072
Uh, yeah, yeah,
with my buddy Jeff Kahn.
1167
01:05:11,074 --> 01:05:13,108
That's the best sketch.
1168
01:05:13,110 --> 01:05:15,176
That's such a long time ago.
1169
01:05:15,178 --> 01:05:17,789
I didn't think you were
unlikable in that...
1170
01:05:17,814 --> 01:05:19,414
oh, no, no, no. I know.
1171
01:05:19,416 --> 01:05:21,516
Is the bathroom right over here?
Yeah.
1172
01:05:21,518 --> 01:05:22,684
Be right back.
1173
01:05:22,686 --> 01:05:25,053
Guys. This is awesome.
It's great.
1174
01:05:25,055 --> 01:05:28,523
Please don't ask so many questions, okay?
This isn't 60 minutes.
1175
01:05:30,226 --> 01:05:31,626
Wow.
1176
01:05:32,728 --> 01:05:34,095
My students just arrived.
1177
01:05:34,097 --> 01:05:37,432
I see Gary and some
of the other guys.
1178
01:05:37,434 --> 01:05:40,035
- I'm gonna hang out with them.
- Why? Why?
1179
01:05:40,037 --> 01:05:42,704
'Cause I don't wanna
get scolded tonight.
1180
01:05:42,706 --> 01:05:45,740
I'm not gonna scold you.
Why? Was i... am I scolding?
1181
01:05:45,742 --> 01:05:48,543
I don't understand how I was...
was I scolding you guys?
1182
01:05:48,545 --> 01:05:51,212
Wait. Don't sit here.
Ben'll sit here.
1183
01:05:52,548 --> 01:05:54,282
Mm. No. No.
1184
01:05:54,284 --> 01:05:56,051
There are two types
of bad shows.
1185
01:05:56,053 --> 01:05:59,154
There's the type of bad show where
we sell each other out onstage...
1186
01:05:59,156 --> 01:06:00,588
And nobody hangs out afterwards,
1187
01:06:00,590 --> 01:06:02,257
and then there's
the type of bad show
1188
01:06:02,259 --> 01:06:03,825
where you all go down together,
1189
01:06:03,827 --> 01:06:06,728
and then you come to the bar
afterwards and you laugh about it.
1190
01:06:06,730 --> 01:06:09,497
That is the type of bad show
I want you to have.
1191
01:06:09,499 --> 01:06:13,234
Yeah, no, yeah, we do that all the time.
You gotta love each other, okay?
1192
01:06:13,236 --> 01:06:15,270
You gotta be willing
to be broke.
1193
01:06:15,272 --> 01:06:18,640
You gotta be willing to hit rock bottom.
Duh. Duh.
1194
01:06:18,642 --> 01:06:20,508
Together! Oh, we're
definitely broke.
1195
01:06:20,510 --> 01:06:23,011
We all share a one-bedroom in Bushwick.
It's terrible.
1196
01:06:23,013 --> 01:06:24,779
Way to own it, guys!
1197
01:06:24,781 --> 01:06:26,448
This is a game
called "blurt."
1198
01:06:26,450 --> 01:06:29,851
Pick one person. Say the first thing about
them that comes to your mind. Connor. Go.
1199
01:06:29,853 --> 01:06:31,252
Fat.
Dangerous.
1200
01:06:31,254 --> 01:06:33,288
A little slow. This
game hurts my feelings.
1201
01:06:33,290 --> 01:06:36,358
Twenty years from now, oceans are
gonna wipe out the eastern seaboard,
1202
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:37,692
and no one's gonna care
who made what album,
1203
01:06:37,694 --> 01:06:39,661
whereas the beach boys
already had a 50-year run.
1204
01:06:39,663 --> 01:06:42,998
We're still talking about pet
sounds, and that came out in '67?
1205
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:44,833
Nobody's talking
about pet sounds.
1206
01:06:44,835 --> 01:06:47,102
In 2050,
will people know who Drake is?
1207
01:06:47,104 --> 01:06:48,636
Once the eastern
seaboard's flooded,
1208
01:06:48,638 --> 01:06:50,872
are you gonna care
about the beach boys?
1209
01:06:50,874 --> 01:06:53,208
Yeah, more! Surfing songs
will be more relevant.
1210
01:06:53,210 --> 01:06:54,809
There'd be more
water surface area.
1211
01:06:54,811 --> 01:06:55,877
Yeah.
1212
01:07:24,206 --> 01:07:26,641
Uh, these are
some writing samples
1213
01:07:26,643 --> 01:07:29,144
from some of the improvisers
in my group,
1214
01:07:29,146 --> 01:07:32,414
and they're really
a talented bunch of guys.
1215
01:07:32,416 --> 01:07:35,183
I just wondered
if you wanted to look at 'em.
1216
01:07:35,185 --> 01:07:37,218
Jack, you should worry
about yourself.
1217
01:07:37,220 --> 01:07:38,787
Oh, okay.
1218
01:07:40,156 --> 01:07:43,825
I'm cutting you
from "jugglers with vertigo."
1219
01:07:44,760 --> 01:07:47,262
Oh. Okay.
1220
01:07:47,264 --> 01:07:50,365
You know, you're not
what we call a pure talent.
1221
01:07:50,367 --> 01:07:51,900
You're not a virtuoso.
1222
01:07:51,902 --> 01:07:56,771
You're the kind of player
who should write for himself.
1223
01:07:58,941 --> 01:08:02,644
And if I don't get it, then I'll
move to Naperville with you guys.
1224
01:08:04,914 --> 01:08:07,248
Miles. No.
1225
01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:09,184
You don't...
1226
01:08:09,186 --> 01:08:12,353
This... this isn't for you.
This is...
1227
01:08:12,355 --> 01:08:14,089
No, this is for me.
1228
01:08:14,091 --> 01:08:18,359
I'm just...
Will you give me a chance?
1229
01:08:18,961 --> 01:08:20,595
Come on.
1230
01:08:20,597 --> 01:08:25,366
If it's a boy,
we name him Rodrigo.
1231
01:08:26,602 --> 01:08:29,737
To respect his Brazilian roots.
1232
01:08:29,739 --> 01:08:31,806
Rodrigo.
1233
01:08:31,808 --> 01:08:33,308
Have an open mind.
1234
01:08:33,310 --> 01:08:37,579
I know when you look at me, I get
what you're seeing, but I'm also...
1235
01:08:37,581 --> 01:08:41,449
I want to think
that I can be better than that.
1236
01:08:45,989 --> 01:08:49,157
Tickets are now on sale
for our show this weekend
1237
01:08:49,159 --> 01:08:51,726
at the 45th street lounge.
1238
01:08:59,135 --> 01:09:00,468
Will Jack be there?
1239
01:09:00,470 --> 01:09:02,337
No, he has a show that night,
1240
01:09:02,339 --> 01:09:05,673
but this is kind of like
a test run for a longer run.
1241
01:09:05,675 --> 01:09:07,742
And if it goes well,
we'll have more shows,
1242
01:09:07,744 --> 01:09:10,011
and then Jack will
definitely be at those.
1243
01:09:10,013 --> 01:09:12,847
Oh.
1244
01:09:12,849 --> 01:09:15,450
You wouldn't "aw"
if you knew him better.
1245
01:09:15,452 --> 01:09:17,418
How much are tickets?
1246
01:09:17,420 --> 01:09:20,688
They're $45, but down the
road there may be discounts.
1247
01:09:20,690 --> 01:09:22,690
But don't wait
for "down the road," okay?
1248
01:09:22,692 --> 01:09:26,027
'Cause we don't know that there's
gonna be a road to go down.
1249
01:09:26,029 --> 01:09:27,695
So please come.
1250
01:09:27,697 --> 01:09:30,698
And that's more expensive than
you're used to paying for our shows,
1251
01:09:30,700 --> 01:09:34,869
but, you know, we promise that
it'll be of a high quality,
1252
01:09:34,871 --> 01:09:40,508
and we're just trying to keep the
thing alive, so, uh, thanks.
1253
01:09:41,510 --> 01:09:45,180
Okay. Anybody had
a particularly hard day?
1254
01:09:45,182 --> 01:09:47,549
Yeah, we're sad Jack's not here.
1255
01:09:56,692 --> 01:10:00,461
Well, he was a very good man.
1256
01:10:02,199 --> 01:10:05,066
Loved him.
I loved him so much.
1257
01:10:05,068 --> 01:10:06,668
He died so young.
1258
01:10:06,670 --> 01:10:09,470
But not as young
as you think he is.
1259
01:10:09,472 --> 01:10:13,641
And he also had bad skin. Hmm.
1260
01:10:14,743 --> 01:10:16,811
I miss, um...
1261
01:10:16,813 --> 01:10:19,514
When you talked to him, he
would "uh-huh" and be there
1262
01:10:19,516 --> 01:10:23,351
and you could almost forget that he was
just waiting for you to stop talking
1263
01:10:23,353 --> 01:10:26,020
so he could talk.
1264
01:10:26,022 --> 01:10:27,388
Friends, I have terrible news.
1265
01:10:27,390 --> 01:10:29,791
Worse than Jack being dead?
1266
01:10:31,860 --> 01:10:35,163
Um, it turns out Jack
is really popular in heaven.
1267
01:10:35,165 --> 01:10:38,600
And, uh, his, uh...
His new friends
1268
01:10:38,602 --> 01:10:40,835
are having a funeral
for him there.
1269
01:10:40,837 --> 01:10:42,270
In heaven?
1270
01:10:42,272 --> 01:10:43,938
Uh, yeah, in Brooklyn.
1271
01:10:45,040 --> 01:10:47,175
And, uh, they have his body.
1272
01:10:47,177 --> 01:10:48,576
Bill, Allison: What?
Yeah.
1273
01:10:48,578 --> 01:10:50,411
What's in this casket?
1274
01:10:50,413 --> 01:10:53,581
Ah, it's just his head shot.
1275
01:11:12,768 --> 01:11:15,903
Let me help you
with that there, honey.
1276
01:11:15,905 --> 01:11:19,474
Oh, you got a memento
from the theater there, huh?
1277
01:11:19,476 --> 01:11:22,710
Maybe I'll keep
the theater going somewhere.
1278
01:11:30,486 --> 01:11:33,454
Okay. I gotta...
I gotta go to work.
1279
01:11:41,497 --> 01:11:44,465
We've got "Scooby-doo
gets put down,"
1280
01:11:44,467 --> 01:11:46,634
"Kim JONG-un on
the bachelorette."
1281
01:11:46,636 --> 01:11:49,170
They're not getting on.
1282
01:11:49,172 --> 01:11:53,908
Is there anything from your live shows?
Any go-to characters you do?
1283
01:12:11,860 --> 01:12:13,928
All right, so we're in the red.
1284
01:12:13,930 --> 01:12:17,098
Live and learn.
You can keep that.
1285
01:12:20,336 --> 01:12:23,871
I heard from my guy at weekend
live about your writing sample.
1286
01:12:23,873 --> 01:12:26,674
It's not gonna happen
for you there, miles.
1287
01:12:35,851 --> 01:12:38,219
Did you talk to Bonnie? Yeah.
1288
01:12:38,221 --> 01:12:40,388
We didn't get it.
1289
01:12:40,390 --> 01:12:42,690
So all of us got rejected?
1290
01:12:42,692 --> 01:12:44,559
Fuck.
1291
01:12:47,229 --> 01:12:51,299
It's got two bedrooms,
a kitchen, beautiful bathroom.
1292
01:12:51,301 --> 01:12:53,568
Is that a toilet?
1293
01:12:53,570 --> 01:12:56,170
Well, obviously the bathroom
is in the kitchen.
1294
01:12:56,172 --> 01:12:57,372
Oh.
1295
01:12:57,374 --> 01:12:59,907
And then who are they?
1296
01:12:59,909 --> 01:13:02,076
Oh. Those are
two small orphans.
1297
01:13:02,078 --> 01:13:03,911
Hi.
1298
01:13:04,913 --> 01:13:06,647
Orphans?
1299
01:13:06,649 --> 01:13:10,318
The apartment comes
with these two orphans.
1300
01:13:10,320 --> 01:13:13,020
You can put a piece of
furniture in front of 'em.
1301
01:13:13,022 --> 01:13:14,555
Put 'em in a hamper.
1302
01:13:14,557 --> 01:13:16,257
He can't do that.
1303
01:13:16,259 --> 01:13:18,760
And does
the landlord mind if I paint?
1304
01:13:18,762 --> 01:13:21,662
We've been replaced
by Ben stiller.
1305
01:13:25,434 --> 01:13:28,169
Fuck that!
I'm going to the party.
1306
01:13:55,130 --> 01:13:56,731
Hey, Jack!
1307
01:13:56,733 --> 01:13:58,299
Oh, excuse me.
One second.
1308
01:13:58,301 --> 01:14:00,034
Miles, what's going on?
1309
01:14:00,036 --> 01:14:02,570
What are you guys doing here?
We saw the show tonight.
1310
01:14:02,572 --> 01:14:04,305
One of those sketches
looked pretty familiar.
1311
01:14:04,307 --> 01:14:07,108
We can talk about this, but not right here.
Grab a drink.
1312
01:14:07,110 --> 01:14:09,310
Everything okay, Jack?
We're fine. We're good.
1313
01:14:09,312 --> 01:14:10,778
You're a fucking thief!
1314
01:14:10,780 --> 01:14:13,047
Miles, you don't understand
how hard this job is, okay?
1315
01:14:13,049 --> 01:14:15,750
I have tried to sell you.
It is not easy.
1316
01:14:15,752 --> 01:14:17,385
Oh, my god!
Are you okay?
1317
01:14:17,387 --> 01:14:18,953
You're going outside.
Hey!
1318
01:14:18,955 --> 01:14:22,423
- Don't push me like that.
- What's going on?
1319
01:14:22,425 --> 01:14:24,058
What was that?
1320
01:14:27,396 --> 01:14:30,965
- Wow! Jesus! -Miles, that
wasn't the fuckin' plan.
1321
01:14:30,967 --> 01:14:34,635
That's just how I felt. I'm sorry.
What the fuck, miles?
1322
01:14:34,637 --> 01:14:36,938
What happened?
I stuck up for all of us.
1323
01:14:36,940 --> 01:14:38,906
And I'm going back in there!
1324
01:14:38,908 --> 01:14:40,641
You fucking psycho!
1325
01:14:40,643 --> 01:14:42,510
Miles, just relax.
1326
01:14:42,512 --> 01:14:45,346
- Where were you?
- I was out here.
1327
01:14:45,348 --> 01:14:47,181
Doing what?
1328
01:14:48,484 --> 01:14:53,821
I didn't wanna embarrass myself
in front of my coworkers.
1329
01:14:56,124 --> 01:14:58,159
What does that mean?
1330
01:14:58,161 --> 01:15:01,095
I got the writing job
on weekend live.
1331
01:15:02,264 --> 01:15:04,065
Motherfuck!
1332
01:15:04,867 --> 01:15:07,335
They gave it to you?
1333
01:15:07,337 --> 01:15:10,371
You didn't even tell us you were
submitting. That's so weird.
1334
01:15:10,373 --> 01:15:13,341
We showed you our packet. And
you didn't even say a thing?
1335
01:15:13,343 --> 01:15:16,711
I didn't think I was gonna get
it, and I was embarrassed.
1336
01:15:16,713 --> 01:15:20,147
That is so shady. And you're not
even gonna last five minutes there.
1337
01:15:20,149 --> 01:15:23,384
'Cause you have no work ethic.
Bill's right.
1338
01:15:24,553 --> 01:15:26,287
You've taken nine years,
1339
01:15:26,289 --> 01:15:28,956
and you still haven't
finished your doodle book.
1340
01:15:38,400 --> 01:15:40,968
I think what kills me
1341
01:15:40,970 --> 01:15:43,738
is that you don't even know
what it's like to work.
1342
01:15:43,740 --> 01:15:47,542
You've had everything in your life
handed to you on a silver platter.
1343
01:15:47,544 --> 01:15:49,810
I didn't get handed this.
1344
01:15:49,812 --> 01:15:53,147
I turned in a writing
submission and it was good.
1345
01:15:57,419 --> 01:16:00,588
No one wants to say this, miles,
1346
01:16:00,590 --> 01:16:02,323
but you don't have it.
1347
01:16:04,826 --> 01:16:09,096
You were never inches away
from anything.
1348
01:16:10,699 --> 01:16:12,366
Fuck you, Lindsay.
1349
01:16:12,368 --> 01:16:15,836
You won't, 'cause I'm not 22
and I'm not your student.
1350
01:16:48,770 --> 01:16:51,205
You gotta let go, miles.
1351
01:16:52,741 --> 01:16:55,977
All this weekend live shit
is meaningless.
1352
01:16:55,979 --> 01:16:58,145
You've got the commune.
1353
01:16:59,881 --> 01:17:03,784
We only got one more show.
I don't wanna do it alone.
1354
01:17:10,592 --> 01:17:13,794
Please welcome the commune!
1355
01:17:40,622 --> 01:17:45,292
Has anybody had
a particularly hard day?
1356
01:17:45,294 --> 01:17:46,861
Yeah. You have.
1357
01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:53,701
You're right.
1358
01:17:53,703 --> 01:17:54,969
You're right.
1359
01:17:54,971 --> 01:17:57,271
I have had a hard...
1360
01:17:58,674 --> 01:18:00,007
Month.
1361
01:18:03,111 --> 01:18:05,880
And I just feel like I'm...
1362
01:18:09,718 --> 01:18:12,386
I feel like I'm in a...
1363
01:18:15,490 --> 01:18:17,491
Guys!
1364
01:18:17,493 --> 01:18:18,859
I'm down here!
1365
01:18:18,861 --> 01:18:20,795
I'm in a well!
1366
01:18:22,398 --> 01:18:23,998
"Sam is in a well?
1367
01:18:24,000 --> 01:18:27,668
Oh, my god,
this is a disaster!"
1368
01:18:27,670 --> 01:18:30,071
"She's in a well.
What will we do?
1369
01:18:30,073 --> 01:18:32,840
She's in a well.
Oh, my god. It's so bad."
1370
01:18:32,842 --> 01:18:35,176
Guys, stop worrying
about me. I'm fine.
1371
01:18:35,178 --> 01:18:39,380
I... I actually kinda
like it down here.
1372
01:18:39,382 --> 01:18:43,417
It's quiet and it's cool.
1373
01:18:44,419 --> 01:18:47,988
There's... there's water.
1374
01:18:49,491 --> 01:18:50,758
Oh.
1375
01:18:50,760 --> 01:18:52,026
Ow.
1376
01:18:52,028 --> 01:18:54,528
Ow! Somebody
throwing pennies?
1377
01:18:54,530 --> 01:18:58,099
"I'm, uh, sorry, milady.
1378
01:18:58,101 --> 01:19:03,337
I was making a wish
for my dying aunt Fiona."
1379
01:19:03,339 --> 01:19:05,072
Oh.
1380
01:19:05,074 --> 01:19:10,177
That's a... that's an unplaceable
accent you've got there.
1381
01:19:11,279 --> 01:19:15,349
But if it's for your
sick aunt Fiona, please.
1382
01:19:17,085 --> 01:19:19,887
Is that my boyfriend Jack?
1383
01:19:19,889 --> 01:19:22,456
"Yeah. What do you need?
I'll get it for you."
1384
01:19:22,458 --> 01:19:25,459
No, I'm... I'm fine.
1385
01:19:25,461 --> 01:19:27,962
That's what I want you to
know is that I'm fine.
1386
01:19:27,964 --> 01:19:30,431
You don't have
to worry about me.
1387
01:19:30,433 --> 01:19:33,434
I'm not worried about you, honey.
I'm not worried at all.
1388
01:19:33,436 --> 01:19:35,803
I'm just...
I'm just here to support you.
1389
01:19:35,805 --> 01:19:37,138
Uh...
1390
01:19:37,140 --> 01:19:39,406
Hey.
1391
01:19:39,408 --> 01:19:41,375
What's going on?
1392
01:19:42,377 --> 01:19:47,581
Did you...
Did you, uh, fall in a well?
1393
01:19:47,583 --> 01:19:48,949
I did.
1394
01:19:48,951 --> 01:19:51,452
Ah, yes, that's...
Because that's... yes.
1395
01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:54,755
Uh, but you don't have
to worry about me,
1396
01:19:54,757 --> 01:19:57,158
because I like it down here.
1397
01:19:57,160 --> 01:20:00,628
No, I will not leave you, okay?
I'm lowering down the bucket.
1398
01:20:00,630 --> 01:20:06,133
Oh, you could never pull me up though.
I have very heavy bones.
1399
01:20:06,135 --> 01:20:09,170
I'm fully aware of that,
and i... and I took precautions.
1400
01:20:09,172 --> 01:20:13,574
Those magical beans sitting on the counter
this morning? They gave me super strength.
1401
01:20:13,576 --> 01:20:17,077
I'm so sorry to tell you, but those
were just black beans from Chipotle.
1402
01:20:18,346 --> 01:20:19,580
Right.
1403
01:20:19,582 --> 01:20:21,482
But the good thing is that...
1404
01:20:21,484 --> 01:20:25,653
That I hired a wizard,
who was surprisingly affordable,
1405
01:20:25,655 --> 01:20:30,591
and he cast a spell over those beans,
and now I have super strength.
1406
01:20:30,593 --> 01:20:34,395
I'm just saying, you know,
I am not gonna leave you.
1407
01:20:39,367 --> 01:20:41,268
Sam.
1408
01:20:46,675 --> 01:20:48,275
Honey.
1409
01:20:49,811 --> 01:20:52,680
Maybe I belong in the well.
1410
01:20:56,451 --> 01:20:59,286
I think we both know it's over.
1411
01:20:59,955 --> 01:21:02,389
It's okay.
1412
01:21:06,728 --> 01:21:10,197
Del close once said
watching great improv
1413
01:21:10,199 --> 01:21:14,468
is like watching people put the plane
together when they're already in the sky.
1414
01:21:16,238 --> 01:21:20,574
It's not meant to last,
except as an act of love.
1415
01:21:21,509 --> 01:21:25,045
It passes in a moment
and disappears.
1416
01:21:31,220 --> 01:21:33,587
Oh, my goodness!
1417
01:21:33,589 --> 01:21:35,055
Hello, hello!
1418
01:21:35,057 --> 01:21:37,358
Oh, my god.
1419
01:21:37,360 --> 01:21:38,692
Hi.
1420
01:21:38,694 --> 01:21:40,594
Oh, my gosh!
You're great!
1421
01:21:40,596 --> 01:21:42,263
Oh, don't cry.
1422
01:21:42,265 --> 01:21:43,831
He's sad!
Don't be sad!
1423
01:21:43,833 --> 01:21:46,433
He's sad!
You're in America.
1424
01:21:55,944 --> 01:21:59,947
Before weekend live and second
city and improv Olympic
1425
01:21:59,949 --> 01:22:03,083
and all the TV shows that came
out of these theater movements,
1426
01:22:03,085 --> 01:22:05,552
Viola Spolin
and Paul Sills and Del Close
1427
01:22:05,554 --> 01:22:09,757
and a bunch of people in Chicago and
San Francisco in the 1950s and '60s
1428
01:22:09,759 --> 01:22:11,358
created this art form.
1429
01:22:11,360 --> 01:22:13,093
My dad lived
one kind of lifestyle.
1430
01:22:13,095 --> 01:22:15,396
I live a very
different lifestyle.
1431
01:22:15,398 --> 01:22:18,866
He didn't always understand me,
but he always respected me.
1432
01:22:18,868 --> 01:22:21,368
I loved that about my dad.
1433
01:22:21,970 --> 01:22:23,637
The last six months,
1434
01:22:23,639 --> 01:22:26,473
I got to know my dad better than
the rest of our lives combined.
1435
01:22:26,475 --> 01:22:28,809
Listen. I'll be on the next
train home, all right?
1436
01:22:28,811 --> 01:22:32,546
It's not even gonna make dress,
so don't worry about it. Bye.
1437
01:22:32,548 --> 01:22:35,816
Hey, great service. Thank you so
much, father. That was great.
1438
01:22:35,818 --> 01:22:37,818
I missed just a tiny bit.
1439
01:22:38,820 --> 01:22:40,454
Thanks, buddy.
1440
01:22:40,456 --> 01:22:42,790
Wait. So who wins Jenga?
1441
01:22:44,125 --> 01:22:45,993
Hey, guys.
Hey.
1442
01:22:45,995 --> 01:22:47,962
Thanks for making it down.
1443
01:22:47,964 --> 01:22:50,264
I know it's not
very convenient, so...
1444
01:22:50,266 --> 01:22:53,567
- Oh, my god. Of course.
- Yeah, buddy, absolutely, man.
1445
01:22:53,569 --> 01:22:57,137
Thanks for letting me and Liz and
Rodrigo crash in the guest room.
1446
01:22:57,139 --> 01:22:59,506
Yeah, no sweat, man.
He has your eyes, you know?
1447
01:22:59,508 --> 01:23:02,443
Not my biological son.
1448
01:23:02,445 --> 01:23:05,145
I don't know.
You look pretty Brazilian.
1449
01:23:05,147 --> 01:23:09,583
Yeah, and the consistency
of the hair is uncanny.
1450
01:23:10,685 --> 01:23:12,953
"Thank you."
Aw, man.
1451
01:23:12,955 --> 01:23:16,457
That is entirely unacceptable.
He's dead.
1452
01:23:16,459 --> 01:23:18,759
That's a dead man
you're mocking.
1453
01:23:18,761 --> 01:23:20,594
"Thank you."
1454
01:23:22,197 --> 01:23:25,466
Um, I just called a car
to come get Jack,
1455
01:23:25,468 --> 01:23:27,301
bring him to the train station.
1456
01:23:27,303 --> 01:23:31,105
We'll wait outside for that, and then after
that, I can show you guys the theater.
1457
01:23:31,107 --> 01:23:33,307
Oh, yeah?
What's the theater?
1458
01:23:33,309 --> 01:23:36,443
Well, my dad actually bought
this old porn theater,
1459
01:23:36,445 --> 01:23:40,714
and we're gonna fix it up,
turn it into an improv space.
1460
01:23:40,716 --> 01:23:42,883
Yeah, we're gonna
teach and have shows.
1461
01:23:42,885 --> 01:23:45,352
We're actually doing a show
for data's graphic novel.
1462
01:23:45,354 --> 01:23:47,054
- Oh!
- You finished it.
1463
01:23:47,056 --> 01:23:49,056
- Yeah.
- That a girl.
1464
01:23:50,726 --> 01:23:53,894
Well, that's you, Jack. Yeah.
Well, here we go, guys.
1465
01:23:53,896 --> 01:23:55,629
Bye, Jack.
See ya.
1466
01:23:55,631 --> 01:23:56,997
Have a good one.
1467
01:23:56,999 --> 01:23:58,632
See ya soon.
Bye, buddy.
1468
01:24:03,872 --> 01:24:07,341
You know, I think maybe I'll go
to the theater with you guys.
1469
01:24:07,343 --> 01:24:09,076
How about that?
No.
1470
01:24:09,078 --> 01:24:11,478
It's the last train
to New York. Get on it.
1471
01:24:11,480 --> 01:24:13,580
You know
you're cutting it close.
1472
01:24:22,590 --> 01:24:24,658
We love you, pal.
1473
01:24:26,394 --> 01:24:29,430
All right, I'll see
you Monday at work.
1474
01:24:31,599 --> 01:24:32,800
Billy.
1475
01:24:35,904 --> 01:24:37,671
Got your back.
1476
01:24:41,109 --> 01:24:42,509
Bye.
1477
01:25:20,982 --> 01:25:22,483
Wow.
1478
01:25:22,485 --> 01:25:24,384
Come on!
1479
01:25:24,386 --> 01:25:27,721
Well, it needs a lot of
work, but it's ours.
1480
01:25:27,723 --> 01:25:29,389
We get to program
the whole thing,
1481
01:25:29,391 --> 01:25:33,227
and we're just gonna try to find some,
like, local kids who are hungry,
1482
01:25:33,229 --> 01:25:35,596
try to build a scene
here in town, you know?
1483
01:25:35,598 --> 01:25:38,732
Has anyone had
a particularly hard day?
1484
01:25:39,834 --> 01:25:41,902
You.
1485
01:25:41,904 --> 01:25:43,337
I...
1486
01:25:43,339 --> 01:25:45,739
- I buried my dad.
- Oh!
1487
01:25:46,305 --> 01:25:52,807
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