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I told you I wanted to cancel this thing.
Ma'am, you asked for this.
Please, help! Anybody!
Please, just... please make it stop!
Okay, this is just way too fucking much!
Okay? This isn't what I asked for.
Hold please.
Seriously?
Ugh!
Ah!
Please cancel it!
Stop it!
Oh, shit!
Whoa.
Every... everything all right, ma'am?
Yeah, yeah, uh, no. I'm... I'm just, uh,
sorry, I'm just a little bit flustered 'cause I... I...
I basically, like, paid for this thing and then it just...
it turned out to be a really bad idea.
Uh-huh.
But I'm just, uh...
I'm just trying to get to... to my car.
Yeah. Listen...
if you see anything strange out here,
my office is right over there.
Don't hesitate.
'Kay.
All right?
Thank you.
Now, goodnight.
All right, I... I don't have eyes on her.
I haven't seen her.
Wo I... I think she's headed to the roof.
10-4, she took the elevator.
- Where is security? - Something's up with security.
- He just intercepted her. - So she's headed to the car?
She's already in the car.
She's in the fucking car?
Subrip by DanDee
No.
Fuck, no. Nope.
Nope.
Nope, nope, nope. Ah! God damn it, Sunshine!
Fuck you!
Fuck you, you 13-year-old son of a bitch.
Don't you got algebra or something?
God damn it!
# Stick our fruit in mason jars #
# Snapping peas in the backyard #
# I've been a year now with my hands in the dirt #
# Blood on my fingers can't show it hurts so... #
Wo What the fuck?!
# I ain't gonna make it if the workin' ain't done #
- # The workin' ain't done till the setting sun... #
Yes!
Come on. Come on.
Boom! Oh!
# Mr. Davis says I got a sporting right hand #
# We gon' see him next Sunday comes #
# Oh #
# I can't keep a livin' #
# Livin' this hard. #
Wo Seriously?
Oh, babe. Get in.
Doesn't look like the garage has been touched.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I have had a very productive day.
I just thought that this was the perfect way to end it.
Joe, you said that you would help out around here
while you were on the hunt for a new job.
Oh, I am. No, I am.
Babe, oh, don't get pissed.
Uh, it's date night.
Date night. Whoo!
You look great.
Hold on. I'm coming over.
Wo It's not exactly a candlelit dinner.
I mean, how was I supposed to know
it was gonna be this lame?
Ah, check this out.
I guarantee you somebody's gonna jump out and scare 'em
in three, two...
Yah!
Hey, look at that.
Genius.
Ha! No, okay, okay.
You go first.
No, thanks.
Ooh, looks like someone has had a long night.
Joe, that's very rude.
Oh!
Ah, ha ha.
Okay, we'll, uh...
we're gonna be moving on.
Ooh, I read about this online.
Okay, this guy right here
in the beautiful cape
was, uh, thrown off the Great Wall
right after they finished...
finished construction.
"Beware, Emperor Qin Shi Huang was murdered by a builder
while overseeing construction
of the Great Wall of China.
Anyone who takes a photograph of his body
is killed within a week."
- Ah. - Cool. Ah! No!
- Don't do that! - Aw, it's so good.
I got the face and everything.
Please delete it.
Thank you.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
- Joe? - Uh-huh.
I think I already know the answer to this question.
- You do? - But...
did you ever get back to my dad about that job?
Oh...
It sounded like a great opportunity.
No, I did not.
- But... - I told you.
I was just, you know, I'm gonna find one.
I just don't wanna settle for the first
opportunity that... you know, that comes knocking.
The main thing is I don't wanna be taking advantage of my parents.
Look, the main thing is this place is kinda...
I mean, it was fun, but it just kinda...
it also sucked.
You know, it's just not scary.
Okay, it's not fun, and it is scary.
If you weren't scared,
I don't know how scared you want to be.
I wanna cry.
I wanna cry like the... like the last time
I watched "The Notebook."
I want to just be ripped to shreds.
I want James Garner to destroy me.
Oh, baby.
I just wanna be scared a little bit.
I just wanna shake in my boots.
I'm pregnant.
Does...
No, you're... don't even.
Hey.
May I help you?
This ain't scary enough, huh?
Sorry?
Sorry, I'm not trying to be nosey.
I just overheard you guys saying this wasn't scary enough.
Couldn't agree more.
If you ever wanna be really scared,
just call that number.
Custom scares just for you.
I promise you will not be disappointed.
Okay, man, uh, thanks.
- You're so welcome. - Okay.
Have a good one, buddy.
And you.
That was normal.
Nice and normal.
Baby, I'm positive
that man didn't steal your phone or your wallet.
He was at our table for less than two minutes.
Well, I had it to get funnel cake,
and now it's not in the car,
and between that time a weirdo in a clown mask
who was paid minimum wage
to scare children for a living
came into our lives.
- So... - You know what?
I bet you left it on the counter.
I'll call them tomorrow.
Hey, Joe.
Joe. Joe.
It's me, Bill, from next door.
I know, Bill.
Well, we sure have missed you at the last,
oh, uh, let me think, uh,
six neighborhood watch meetings.
I know. Tuesdays are tough.
You know, work and such.
Well, Joe, just think about it like this.
Work is important, yes,
but you know what else is important?
Being part of a team.
A team with the most important priority...
safety.
Yeah, it sounds dramatic, Bill.
Oh, just think about it, Joe.
Oh, I will. Scouts honor.
Oh, wait, I didn't know you were a scout.
# Oh, yeah! #
Oh, my gosh. This neighborhood's so nice.
It is insane.
It's insane that it's 90 degrees,
and it's sunny on Halloween.
I mean, come on. Babe, that's weird.
Right?
Wow!
Check out the gate. Look at that.
You got to keep the paparazzi out.
- Hi. - A Prius?
You drive a fucking Prius?
- Are you... hi. - Hi.
Do you hate your freedom, Joe? Is that it?
I mean, do you have any idea how many people have died
for your right to be gluten free or whatever?
It's great mileage, you fucking asshole.
Wow, give me the tour
before all the kale salad
- goes bad. - Uh-huh, yeah.
Thank you guys again for letting us stay with you.
- Yeah. - Yeah, of course.
There's no sense in spending money on an expensive hotel.
Wow!
Oh, man.
Your life is different
than my life.
Yeah.
You really married up, my friend.
- Hashtag blessed. - Come on, man.
The "M" word.
Put a dollar in the swear jar, man.
Ow.
No way. Hey, honey.
They got tetherball.
I was born in darkness.
Oh.
I wonder what we break first.
Your spirit or your body.
Time! Oh, you suck!
That's eas... I was Bane.
I was doing Bane. He got it.
I was a good Bane. That was a good one.
It's time for another round of irresponsible drinking.
Okay, I wasn't sure I was gonna do this.
A buddy of mine gave me a special
birthday present last month, and, let's just say,
you can sneak anything on a plane
with just a little bit of peanut butter.
- Eck. - Ben, How dare you bring drugs
- into my house. - That's Bane.
- Oh, Bane. - Would you like me to...
- that's Bane... - That's Bane.
would you like me to break your body or your spirit?
- Oh, just hurt me. - Oh, I will,
'cause this is hardcore stuff.
Okay, but in the meantime...
Shots! Shots! Shot! Shot!
- Oh. - Oh, I never take shots.
- You ready? - Cheers.
- Woo! - You're calling the kids later.
# Ahh, here I come, the merchant of dirt #
# I'm here to convert the worthless birds that chirp #
# Come get your just desserts and discuss your worth... #
Uh uh uh.
You didn't say the magic word.
Uh uh uh.
- Eddie Murphy? - No.
# And we don't have any more time #
# I find myself in truth and honor... #
- Is that a cigarette? - No.
When do you guys think you're gonna get married?
Oh, my God. Pfft.
# ...For your blue collar chains #
# Don't be afraid, it's all make believe anyway #
# Yeah, we can leave any day... #
Kid, I sure heard a lot about you.
What happened to Natalie on that boat...
- Nothin' to do with me. - Whoa ho ho!
# Keep the faith despite what you hear people say... #
Are you goin' first or...?
No, I thought it was your turn.
- Oh, shit, is it? - It's your turn.
Okay, okay, okay.
Do you remember me, Eddie?
When I killed your brother
I sounded just like
this!
What movies are you watching?
Christopher Lloyd, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"
- Oh, there's wind! - Going down!
- There's wind! - Going down!
Winner!
Okay.
Favorite horror movie death scene.
- Go. - No.
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
"Nightmare On Elm Street."
Johnny Depp.
- Ah. - Ooh.
Well, "Titanic," because she let go of him.
- Ha ha ha! - What?
"Final Destination" shower scene.
That's the best one.
Over Johnny Depp being killed by his own bed?
Yes. Or you just love Johnny Depp.
- Yeah, that's it. - Yeah, see?
Red Wedding. "Game of Thrones."
Mic drop.
Not a movie.
What? It doesn't matter.
Okay, it's the worst thing
you could ever see with your eyeballs.
It's horrifying, right?
It's the better death scene than any movie
that I have ever seen.
And I have seen a shit ton of movies.
Yeah, and when Joe
was actually living with my family,
every weekend my parents, they would buy us pizza
and we would watch a different scary movie
every weekend like clockwork.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
"Friday the 13th," "Elm Street,"
"Halloween." All the classics.
You know what I mean? Just all of 'em.
I think that's what started my love affair with this time of year.
I mean, you just can't beat "Halloween."
I didn't realize you lived with his family.
Yeah, yeah, you know,
well, don't, uh... don't get all "Bambi" on me.
It's fine. I'm fine.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna go get some party favors.
- Uh, God save me. - Woo!
- What? - What?
- What does that mean? - Ah, every now and again,
he likes to take the party up a notch.
Did you hear that?
I don't know.
Ben, what is that?
I don't know.
- Ben, go. - All right, all right.
Be careful.
Yeah, it stopped. I don't see anything.
Yah!
What is wrong with you?!
That's not funny! That's not funny!
Holy shit.
That was incredible.
- Joe! - What?
What? Come on, man.
The "Halloween" talk? The Jason mask?
I mean, this was too easy.
- You're sick. - You want a hug?
- Come on, give me a hug. - No, you're sick man.
You're a sick man in the head.
Is that a real butcher knife?
Come on, give me a hug.
This has been an ongoing theme for him.
He's been obsessed with scaring me lately.
He even insisted that we have our weekly date night
at this haunted house.
That's not creepy at all.
It wasn't.
But, uh, this dude that's, uh,
that's working there,
uh, who said something about this company,
uh, I forget his name,
but, uh, apparently,
uh, they create
these custom scares for you.
Yeah, but you're also convinced
that he stole your wallet.
Which is ridiculous.
Wait... oh, fuck, wait.
Wait. Custom Scare thing?
I... I... okay, I am 99% positive
that that's the thing that my boss just did.
Remember I was telling you about that?
Oh, yeah.
Uh, the scare company, or Fear, something, maybe.
- Is that...? - Yeah, "Fear, Inc."
That's it.
Did they say how it was?
You're kidding, right?
Yeah, people said is was horrible.
You definitely don't want to do this, okay?
You got a crazy look in your eye right now
and someone as fucked up as you in the head
would not like it.
- Okay? - Why?
Why did they say it was so bad?
Was it not worth the money or something?
First off, unless your sugar mama's gonna pay for it,
you can't afford something like this.
Secondly, they, like, hurt you,
like, physically hurt you.
I'm sure emotionally, too, but physical... like the...
the company, it's not legit.
And they... they find people
that, like... people like you
okay, who... who, like,
are looking for something more intense,
and then they just use that as... as an opportunity
to fulfill their own sick fucked up fantasies.
What?
This is a fucking haunted house, man.
You guys...
you guys can't be serious, right?
No, dude, you're not get...
you're not getting this through your head, man.
It's not a haunted house.
Okay, I heard that these guys
chased my boss through a parking garage
in the middle of the night.
Okay, I don't know what happened,
but, like, she hasn't been back to work since.
It fucked her up that much.
Okay?
Well, on that delightful note,
I'm going to go to bed. I think you should, too.
It was really nice to have you guys here.
- Thank you. - Good night.
Sleep well. Good night.
Give up, woman.
You guys good?
- Yeah. - Are great.
- Cool. - You gonna tuck us in?
- I can tuck you in, buddy. - No, not standing there.
- Old school. - I'm all weirded... no, get outta here.
- No? I remember. - No, go to bed.
- Corner tuck. - Thank you.
# The night is always young #
# I hold grudges with the sun #
# They're fewer and far between #
# Been livin' in a dream #
# I wake and walk this line #
# All balanced on my #
# I can't afford to fall, I can't afford to crawl... #
Hello?
Uh, yeah, is this, uh...
is this Fear, Inc.?
Yes.
Uh, okay.
Well, I got your... your card at
the Hollywood Horror House thing.
Um, I guess I... uh, I just wanted
more information.
We got another one.
We can't do it right.
God, it's the third one today.
Uh, okay.
Um, well, uh
where're you located?
How do we get tickets?
Hold please.
Sorry, we're sold out.
Oh, okay. When's your next,
uh...
Hello?
That's bad. You fucked up.
- I'll clean it up. - That looks really expensive.
- Wake up. - What're you doing? You were just here.
You just come over and break stuff.
You're getting sloppy.
- Take me inside. - You wanna go inside?
- Mm-hmm. - All right.
Yeah, we're gonna take you away.
For years, you can't break anything else.
- You gonna lift me? - Yeah.
See, look at that.
I'm too drunk to be carrying you right now.
- Oh, I gotcha. - Oh, oh, careful.
- I gotcha. - Oh, stop there.
Yeah, let's take a pit stop, yeah?
Okay, yeah, that's good.
Yeah.
- There we go. - You're so bad.
You're so strong.
- Oh, whoa! - Joe!
- Dude! - Um...
Uh, I... I heard a...
a crash, so I thought
that I would come in and see if you were safe.
You look very safe.
Yeah, dude, we're fi... we're fine, dude.
Um, do you need anything?
Good night.
Are you gonna tip her or...
No, don't wanna... don't wanna give her the tip.
Or anything like that.
Bye, good night.
I didn't even understand what he was saying.
He's creepy.
Bed?
He just fucked that up for us, didn't he?
Yeah.
He really just fucked up that whole thing.
- Thanks, Joe. - I don't feel so good.
I drank too much.
Where're we going? Which way? This way?
Oh, Joe, I'm gonna throw up in your pool.
# A terrible mistake was made... #
So this is what you guys do on Saturdays?
You sit by the pool in the hills
drinking margaritas.
By this point in the day, I'm debating between
UPS or FedEx to ship the kids to China.
Oh, you joke. I'm sure it's an entirely different kind of fun.
Babe, I'm feeling like a real California. I gotta be honest.
'Cause I am one with the universe right now.
I love tofu. Namaste.
Namaste this.
You be nice, motherfucker.
What're you...
Are you kidding me? I'm not doing this.
Ah. Rules are rules, Ben.
And who made the rules? You made the rules.
"It's the rule, Ben."
- Really, babe? - Come on, come on.
For old time's sake.
For when we were young and really, really stupid.
All right, okay. Fine, fine.
Come on. Come on.
Fine. But this is for you, okay?
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Come on!
Yea-ya.
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Woo! Look at you go, boy!
God, I can't believe you just did that.
- Are you expecting someone? - Nope.
Joe, were you out earlier?
No, um...
just been in the back most of the day.
Got some friends in town.
Oh, where from?
Maryland.
Oh, home of the blue crab,
Cal Ripkin, and Edgar Allan Poe.
Yeah, I once spent six months there
doing an Agatha Christie play out on Chesapeake Bay.
Now that dinner theatre was...
What's up, Bill?
- Why'd you come by? - Oh.
Joe, I tried calling you earlier,
but you must not have had service.
Now, don't panic, but I saw a guy out front.
He had a van, but he didn't seem to be climbing
any of the power line poles,
And he sure as heck wasn't wearing an official DWP uniform.
Okay, that's... that's nice.
Um, well, I appreciate your concern,
Bill, but it's probably nothin', so...
No, there's something strange going on, Joe.
Keep an eye out.
Will do, will do. I'm on it.
At ease, soldier.
Ah, God damn it!
Ben, you fucking around back there?
Okay, well, whoever it is,
cops are on their way.
Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in.
Not by the hair of your chinny-chin-chin.
Well, then I'll huff and I'll puff
and I'll blow your house in!
Help! Help!
So, you didn't notice anything strange before today?
No, the neighborhood has been quiet ever since we moved in.
Our neighbor actually heads the watch group,
and we're probably the youngest on this block by about 30 years.
Oh, well, with age comes affluence.
This area's very attractive to robbers.
Yeah... However, I'm sorta surprised the guy was so ballsy.
This sort of thing usually doesn't happen
during the day with a car in the driveway.
But, you know what? It's Halloween.
Halloween tends to bring out some undesirables.
Undesirables?
This wasn't some random fucking robbery.
This guy was fucking crazy.
- Okay. - Honestly, that makes it unlikely it will happen again.
It was probably some homeless guy
who wandered down the wrong street.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Insane people aren't known to do the same thing
over and over and over again.
- Okay. - Well, look...
if anything else happens, give us a call.
All right? Gonna put some extra units in the area
and we'll see what happens.
Okay. Well, thank you, Officer.
You're welcome.
Nice, Joe.
What?
I'm not fucking lying!
# I can sleep tonight #
# The Devil's in the mood... #
Sorry, "Exorcist."
Did you just do that?
Yeah!
Wah!
Are you crazy? You threw up all over my car!
- Oh, sir, I can explain. - Are you out of your mind?
I can explain. He's been drinking, okay.
Apparently. Who's gonna clean it?
- I don't know. Not me! - Are you gonna clean it?
Babe, come on!
Here, this is...
- Oh, my God! - I'm sorry, man.
Five stars.
- Five stars. - That's all I have...
I hope that's enough.
# I can't sleep tonight... #
Oh, whoa, whoa, dude,
slow down there, Hasselhoff.
Put down the cheeseburger, bud.
- Okay. - How about some water first?
- I've got a better idea. - That's a good idea.
Better idea.
Uh, would anyone... would anyone like some tea?
I would love some tea.
Some nice... nice calm tea.
Oh, that kind of tea.
- Mm-hmm. - That is a...
fantastic idea, Joe.
I'm full of great ideas.
Full of 'em.
Here you go... oh, Joe.
Aren't you may be done for the night?
Just evening myself out, you know,
- I just wanna be a good host. - Yeah, okay, well,
- now you're nice and even. - That's all.
- You can just... - It's great to have you guys here.
...stop.
We're live at the Hollywood Hills at the scene
of a tragic quadruple homicide.
How'd you turn that on?
Three friends were found murdered in their home.
- Joe, is that our house? - Witnesses say they were last seen
at a costume party in the Pacific Palisades.
A fourth person, Joe Foster, was with them
and is considered to be the main suspect.
Foster is also suspected of killing his neighbor,
Bill Peterson...
whose body was found outside his home
earlier this evening.
Joe Foster...
Main suspect... ...murdered in their home.
- Joe Foster... - Killing his neighbor.
- Bill Peterson. - Body was found... Foster.
The motive is still unknown.
And we'll be back with more details
as they come in.
- Whoa. - What the fuck?
Joe, for God's sakes!
You have no idea when to fucking quit!
This was really clever.
It's not fucking funny!
There's nobody even out there right now.
That's crazy.
How did you do that?
What's happening?
Oh, fuck.
What did you do?
Okay, um...
Baby, you can't...
you can't be mad at me.
What the hell is going on, man?
Fear, Inc.
What?
Ah... I
I think that's Fear, Inc.
That's... that's Fear, Inc.
What're you talking about?
Uh...
Uh, so... I, uh...
I maybe sorta maybe, uh, called 'em a little bit.
And, uh, when you were in the bath, I found my wallet,
and, uh, it had the business card in it,
and I went, I don't know, I guess...
I guess my curiosity got the b... the best of me.
I mean, that TV news reporter was legit, man.
What're you doing?
Did you not hear a fucking word we said last night?
This company is dangerous, man.
Okay, did you give them your information?
Uh, no, no, but...
Ah ho, shit!
They got the breakers.
Okay, this isn't normal.
Let's get out of here.
Keep it together, okay?
Chill out. Stay.
Come on, it's just a power outage.
All we gotta do is flip the breakers. It's fine.
All right, we can handle this.
This is...
Look, if this is the company,
we're canceling this right now.
Okay, I'll go take a look at the breakers.
- Where are they? - Fuck that, man.
Hey, hey, hey. This is my thing.
I got... I got this.
Can you just be careful, please?
Don't worry.
I'll be super duper careful.
Don't...
Don't!
Hmm.
Joe?
Joe!
Joe, I've been trying to reach you.
Bill? What's going on?
I think there's someone on your property.
Uh...
What?
Ahh!
Oh, shit!
Uh! Ahh!
Uh, fucking awesome!
Oh, ah...
They Barrymore'd Bill!
Holy shit! They got Bill!
Wait, what's going on?
Oh, I'm gonna fucking love this.
What'd you mean, "They got Bill"?
Ah, he's in on it, too, okay?
Playing this old man version of Drew Barrymore from "Scream"
and this guy with a knife just fucking killed him or fake killed him...
I don't know, but it started.
We should lock the door.
What? This... this isn't fucking funny, Joe.
Well, I'm not pranking you, Ben, okay?
Fear, Inc. has started.
The writing on the sauna, "Little Pigs,"
"The Shining," all right, Bill dying like from "Scream."
They're all horror films.
You're a fucking idiot, man. I warned you.
You never take anything seriously,
and eventually, it's gonna...
Okay, we need to...
we need to cancel this right now.
But... ah... ah...
Joe, call and cancel it now.
Please, Joe,
I don't wanna be a part of this.
- Are you serious? - Yes.
Please, baby, come one.
You can me, we can just do something on our own.
This just feels like a bit much.
Okay, I can't believe I am doing this.
Thank you.
It's a busy signal.
Now, hold on, hold on.
Maybe we just
go along with it.
I don't know. And if it gets to be too much,
we can just be like, hey, we'll call 'em...
"Please stop.
We're a bunch of people who don't like to have fun."
Okay, it's already too much.
Joe, it's not how this works either.
You can't just tell the company...
I'm gonna call the police.
Oh, not the police. They ruin everything.
Hi, um, my friend hired this...
this company to come scare us
and it's gotten out of control
and... and... and we can't get a hold of them to stop it.
So we need your help.
Yeah, he thought it was something different
and it... it's confusing.
Okay, these people... this company...
they're criminals.
All right, um...
rapists, you know,
who knows what else.
I don't think I feel safe here.
You guys are blowing this way out of proportion.
Great, okay. Yes, thank you.
I really appreciate it. Thank you.
So, like what, so like the fucking cops are coming now?
Yeah, the cops are coming now.
And we have to... to lock up the windows and the doors.
What?
Well, what're we waiting for?
Right.
Oh, please let them kill us.
- You guys all right? - Uh-huh.
Yeah? Okay.
Oh, you closed the garage, right?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I locked all the doors.
Did that. Did that.
Oh, shit.
It has begun.
Stop.
Oh... oh, my God. Get down, get down.
Get away from the door. Get away from the window.
- We gotta get out of here. - No, he's out there.
- I'm not going outside. - But he went that way.
So he's going towards the back of the house,
so we should go out the front.
What about one of the bedrooms?
No, you don't go upstairs. You'll get trapped in a room.
Haven't you seen any horror movies?
It's our safest bet. He can't get in.
"Our safest bet." Do you wanna die horribly?
No, we can't stay inside.
Ben's right. We gotta get to the car.
Follow me.
Hyah!
Come on.
- A bit dramatic. - Let's go, come on.
Okay.
Come on.
- Go, go, go, go. - Okay, okay.
Everybody in the Prius!
Shut up, Joe.
Lock the doors. Lock the doors.
I see dead people.
- Joe! - Dude, come on, Joe!
Okay, okay. Wait.
Do you think they'll be able to follow us?
Let's fucking hope not.
- What the fuck? - Start the car!
I'm trying!
This is why you buy American, Joe.
Joe!
Oh, holy shit! They jacked up my car!
This company is no joke.
We have to get out of here.
- Could we go to the neighbors? - Yeah, great idea.
- Okay. - Okay, come on, babe. Come on, come on.
You... you child locked us.
Joe, you child locked us in!
Joe! Joe, we're child... We're child locked, Joe!
- How do you not know how to open a door?! - Dude, you child locked us in!
Oh...
- Come on, come on. - This way. This way. This way.
- Holy shit. - Oh... shit.
- Ah, it's a fucking ax. - Let's get back in the house.
- Joe, come on. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, come on.
Uh, fuck! Fuck!
Okay.
The outside was a terrible idea.
To the bedroom.
- Oh, my God. - Where are the police?
They're supposed to be here by now.
Oh, fuck.
Wait. Wh-where's Ash?
I thought she was with you.
Oh, shit. You think they got her?
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Lindsey, get out of my way.
- Okay, get out of my way right now. - Oh, come on.
They're weeding us out one by one.
Every horror movie needs to stretch out the suspense.
I wonder which one of us will be next.
Guys, whether or not this is a part of it,
we shouldn't go back out there.
No, oh, no, no. Open the fucking door.
- Open it right now. - Ben, she's gone.
Okay, we can't go back out there.
My wife is out there, okay?
I'm gonna help her. I'm gonna find her.
Listen, listen, listen. Just please think about it.
Okay, we cannot separate. We have to stay together.
Going out there and leaving us
- isn't gonna bring her back. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.
Number one rule of horror movies. Stay together.
If you say horror movie one more time,
I will fucking kill you myself.
Do you understand? Get out of the way.
I'm gonna find my wife.
What did you...
- Just open it. - Sliding... sliding...
It's a sliding lock.
No, no, you're not going
- back out there. - Oh, come on!
Can you please call the police again?
They're supposed to be here by now.
Lindsey, I am trying to tell you that all of this
- is Fear Inc. - I don't fucking care.
- Call them! - Okay, I will, I will.
Uh...
No, I got no bars. Okay, I can't call out.
- Would you... - Look, look, look, um, uh...
Have you... have you seen "The Game"?
What the hell is "The Game"?
From the '90s. "The Game."
- No! - Holy shit.
Okay, uh, okay.
Sean Penn buys Michael Douglas a game... an experience,
and he has to try and figure out
what's real and what's part of the game.
In the end, it's all part of the game.
Yeah, okay, but this isn't a fucking game!
Did you hear anything Ben said yesterday?!
Come on, it's David fucking Fincher, man.
Joe...
I get that you are having a good time,
but I am not,
and I don't want to get hurt.
Okay, okay, like let's just breathe for a second.
Let's just breathe, okay?
I mean, this...
this is turning out better than I ever hoped it would be.
I know, I know, I know.
I love you.
Okay, I'm listening.
I love you.
You know?
I gotta say, like,
isn't this fun?
Seeing you get all passionate.
This is great. Come on, this is fun.
Are you hard?
Uh, look, I just... ah!
You're being such an asshole!
Sorry, sorry, I just...
The... the mood, the lighting, the murder.
It just felt right. I don't know.
I got carried away, okay?
The point is is that this... this is a game.
And out there, that's our best chance to win.
Right now, in here, I mean,
we're missing the whole thing.
We are missing everything.
Either way, we're white, we're rich.
The cops are gonna be here any second.
The cops were supposed to be here ages ago.
I don't think they're coming.
Okay, look, um,
if this is real, all right,
they know we're in here
and we are... we are just sitting and waiting to die.
All right, and I don't want to do that.
But if this is a game, and I think it is,
then... then they probably want us to go out there and play.
Either way, we shouldn't be
sitting here in this room, okay?
Okay.
- Okay? - Yes, fine.
Really?
Oh, that is... that is great.
That's so great. Oh, we need a weapon.
- Yeah. - Okay, well, just be careful.
Do you know what you're doing?
Yeah, I've seen a lot of movies, Lind's.
I think I know what I'm doing.
- All right. - Check this out.
Ah! Fuck!
Ah! Oh, my God!
God! Fuck!
Well, I hate to say I told you so.
Not now! Not now, okay?
Ah! God!
Ah!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Come here. - Ah! Ah! Ah!
Fucking nice, MacGyver.
Okay.
Where is...
Why are there so many bottles in here?
Ah, I like to pretend I'm in Narnia.
Sometimes the drinking helps.
You might need a therapist.
- Okay. - Okay.
You ready?
Whoa, ho ho.
Oh, nice, babe.
Okay, here's the plan.
We stay together. You and me no matter what.
Also, we should probably
try to be as quiet as possible.
So, my bad on the yelling.
Now, we go outside.
We get to the door, we should be safe.
- I love you. - I love you.
- Um, uh... - Yes?
- Do you wanna... - Yes.
- Okay, thanks. - Here.
- Thanks. - After you.
- I love you. - I love you.
Let's fucking do this. Yeah.
Okay, clear.
Come on.
- Stay calm. - Can't we just do normal things?
Yeah, next year.
Come on.
Shh, shh, shh.
Joe, I don't like this.
What?
This is actually pretty scary.
Good job, guys.
Very impressive.
What the fuck?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Did you hear that? - Yeah. It came from the backyard.
Shh, shh, shh.
Oh, Joe, Joe, Joe!
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Come on.
Please, please, let me just...
Come on.
- Jesus Christ, any louder? - Such a loud door.
I know. I know.
K-k-k... Ha-ha-ha...
Sorry.
Ah!
Oh, this is so...
- Fuck! Fuck! - Lindsey.
Quit. That's too much. This is just too much.
It's "Friday the 13th."
I don't fucking care.
Where are these psychos coming from?
Man, these prosthetics are so real.
- Will you stop it? - Right, right, right, right.
Okay, this guy could be anywhere.
So look alive. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Joe, she's pinned to the tree?
- We can't just leave her. - Right, hold tight.
We are gonna get you down from here, okay?
Yes.
Just... just calm down, all right?
Just focus on slow, steady breathing.
He's here.
- Hmm? - Run.
No, okay? We won't leave you.
Go.
- Okay, sorry. - Come on!
Come on.
Back inside. Back inside.
- In the door! In the door! - I know! I know!
- Close it! Close it! - I know!
No, no, no. I think they can be out there.
- That's where they got Bill. - Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
- Oh, shit, look! - What're we gonna do?
Uh, don't worry. He can't get inside.
- Ah, fuck! - I thought you said the doors were locked.
Hey, man, let's just take a timeout, okay?
There's a bat in the bedroom. Go get the bat.
- Why? - Hey, man, let's just...
let's just calm down, okay?
We've all had fun.
You have watched one too many horror films, man.
Okay.
We cool?
Hug it out?
Ugh!
What the fuck, man?
Yes.
Holy fuck, man.
Are you good?
Gosh, this is intense.
Ben, this looks...
fucking amazing.
Hello, Joe.
Hello...
Jigsaw?
Unfortunately for you, Joe,
I'm not a puppet on a tricycle.
I'm very real.
And so is this experience you are so sure is a game.
But, hey, who doesn't enjoy games? Here is yours.
Oh, man. This is too good.
This is your girlfriend Lindsey.
Oh, man.
Did you know they were gonna do that?
In order to save her,
your friend Ben here has volunteered to play a game with you.
On this table, lies the necessary tool.
Phase one,
the clue isn't in seeable form.
In the original, his right foot led to freedom.
Today, her life depends on his left hand.
You have two minutes.
Does she live or die?
Ah, okay, okay, okay.
His right foot. Ben's left hand.
Ah...
Original. Original.
Ah...
Ah... da, da, da.
Fuck!
Oh, shit!
I need to... I need to cut his leg off for the first one.
Do you want me to cut his arm off?
Um...
Uh, the blade is real.
Hey!
There's a real blade on this!
Uh, Joe.
Okay.
Okay, it's a game. It's a game.
Hey, man.
You gotta tell me. Is this real?
Or is this part of the game, man?
Just give me anything. Blink at me.
Give me something.
Ah, fuck.
I don't know what that fucking means.
Joe. Joe.
All right, no time, no time.
Okay, um...
Left arm, left arm, left arm.
Right.
David fucking Fincher, man.
Ah, hey.
This is... this is a fake hand
It's a fake hand, man.
Holy fuck.
Oh, this is fucking intense!
Ah! Hah hah!
Phase one. Complete.
Phase two. The key to your freedom lies within your friend.
Where's the fucking key, man?
Where's the fucking key?
Where's the key, man?
Joe? Joe?
Oh, shit.
Joe?
Oh.
Key's inside, huh?
Clever girl. Clever girl.
All right.
Let's open her up.
Joe, don't do it! No, Joe!
Joe!
Fuck!
No!
Uh!
Easy peasy.
All right. All right.
Hold still, Ben.
Oh.
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
That's enough. That's enough.
That's real blood, man.
Joe? Joe?
Joe?
Ben?
Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben. No, no, no, no!
Come on, come on, Ben!
No, no, no, no, no!
Ben!
Ben.
Ben!
I'm sorry.
Joe? Joe?
Joe?
Lindsey?
- Joe? - Lindsey?
Joe?
- Lindsey? - Joe?
- I'm coming! - Joe?
Lindsey?
Oh, fuck, baby! What did they do to you?
Oh, shit.
What the fuck...
I'm gonna call somebody.
I'm gonna call somebody, okay?
Wo 9-1-1, what's your emergency?
Yeah, w-w-w...
Someone was supposed to be here awhile ago, okay?
My... my fucking friends are dead!
- My girlfriend... - Okay, You need to calm down, sir.
Don't tell me to calm down, all right? Did you fucking hear me?
My... my fucking friends are dead, all right?
Officers are on their way.
Is there anyone in the house with you?
I... I don't know. I was a couple guys outside or something like that.
Uh, there's... I don't think that there's anyone in the house anymore.
Uh, my... my girlfriend... my girlfriend is here.
She's... she's alive, okay?
She's alive, but hurt.
Okay, okay, good. She's alive.
Okay?
Listen, just... just, uh,
just send help, okay, please, please?
Please just... just send help.
Help is on the way, sir.
Are you sure no one else is in the house?
Yeah, I... I... I mean...
I don't see anyone. I think they're all gone.
I think they're all out of the house.
Yeah.
Ahh!
Ugh!
Yahh!
You're making a mistake!
Fuck you, you piece of shit!
You asked for this!
Sir, are you still there?
Sir, what happened?
Sir, talk to me.
Hello? Hello?
What's happening, sir?
- Hello? - Hello?
Uh, no, no, no, no, no. Uh, there's a...
There was a man in the house, but he's, um...
He's gone now. Um...
- Baby, what did you say? - Sir?
You need to tell me what just happened.
Baby.
- Oh, my God. - Sir? Hello?
Okay, okay. Don't worry, all right?
- Help is on the way. - What did you do?
Sir, where is the guy in your house?
There is a guy still in the house.
So, uh, I... I... I...
- I killed him. - Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.
Are you still on the phone?
Yeah, it... it's the police.
Hang up the fucking phone!
- What're you... - Sir, did you...
Hang it up!
What the hell is going on, Lindsey?
He's dead.
Yeah, he's dead. Okay?
You were right, you guys were right all along.
These people are fucked up.
They killed our friends!
They didn't! They didn't! Okay?
Okay.
Lindsey, what's happening?
What's happening, I thought this was...
I thought this was a game.
Look at Ben. Did I kill...
Did I...
No, no, no, you didn't...
Hey, hey, this is what you wanted.
This isn't what I want. This is not what I want.
It was Fear, Inc. Fear Inc. happened.
That's what's been happening.
Then why did you guys keep trying to stop it?
Because we wanted you to believe it was real!
Heyo! Oh, hey! Wait, wait!
We're done already?
I thought we were going till like 4:00-something, right?
I'm not complaining, but this thing was really digging into my leg.
What, really?
I thought you were dead, man.
- No, you didn't. - I thought you were dead.
No. What?
So, what, you guys were in on this?
In on it? I convinced them to do it.
We knew that you'd love it.
It's fucking awesome, wasn't it?
- That's... - Um, we have a problem.
Oh, no, what happened?
Um...
What did you do?
Oh, fuck.
Is that guy dead?
Oh, my God.
I thought you two were dead, you know.
What? We're fine.
The only person that's dead is this fucking actor,
you fucking idiot, what is wrong with you?
How was I supposed to know?
This all didn't seem a little too much to you?
All the horror movie shit. This, this, you believed this?
Yeah, I did think it was fake, okay?
That's why I wanted to do it.
But then it started to happen and it was so real.
I thought I was doing the right thing!
You guys are good actors!
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, fuck, they're calling. What are we gonna do?
Ash, we're getting out of here, come on.
- But... - Come on, baby, let's go!
What? No!
- Come on. - You can't leave us here!
No, these people are actually crazy, Joe,
and you just took this shit to a whole different level now.
Yeah, but we're in this together!
No, we're not. You fucking killed one of them, Joe!
I mean, what do you think they're going to do to us when they find out, huh?
I'm sorry, but these guys are going to come back
and we have a family to think about.
- Come on, baby. - Let's go.
No, you can't leave!
We have to call the cops. Why the hell aren't the fucking cops here?
That's because... Hey, hey, that's because
they weren't the cops, all right?
I'm sorry, what?
Joe, this wasn't a little gimmick,
this was a big fucking deal.
Last week they reconfigured
our entire electrical system.
They even reprogrammed your phone
so that all of your 911 calls go directly to Fear, Inc.
So you're telling me that this whole time
I was talking to one of their employees?
You didn't think it was at all strange
that nobody showed up here?
You're right. You're right.
This is my fault.
I'm gonna turn myself in.
And I'm gonna tell them that you guys
had nothing to do with it.
That this was on me, okay? And that they'll leave you guys out of it.
What did this company expect?
What did they expect?
Okay, Joe, listen. This company.
They're not exactly a part of the Better Business Bureau.
Okay? They're not gonna let us get away with this.
So are you saying that we shouldn't call the police?
Lindsey, we're not gangsters!
We're not gonna dump the body!
No, that's exactly what we're gonna do.
That's what we have to do,
we have to get rid of the body.
We say it ended at 3:00,
we had a great time, and then he left.
We just... hey, we just have to pretend
that we have no idea that something went wrong.
Ben and Ashley, they will vouch for us
because they don't want this to go any further either.
Who would hire a company like this?
You would!
Okay, listen. My uncle,
he has this plot of undeveloped land
in the desert just outside of San Bernardino,
we're gonna take the body there, we're gonna dump it
and then we're gonna come back here and pretend like nothing happened, okay?
I can't believe this is happening.
I just can't believe this is happening.
I know, but it is. And I have to try and get us out of it.
Careful, careful, careful, careful.
Watch out for the roses.
Oh, fuck, the car!
Fuck! Okay, let's go!
He's gotta have the keys on him!
Okay, hold him.
This is disgusting!
Awesome! Okay!
Okay, great, you're gonna get the van,
you're gonna reverse it into the driveway,
and then I'm gonna go get a shovel, okay?
We're gonna take their van?
Stop, stop!
Holy shit!
These people take their jobs fucking seriously.
That's why we have to get the fuck out of here.
Okay, come on.
- Okay. - Oh, man.
Jesus Christ.
What?
Oh, my God. They've researched us for weeks.
They have phone numbers, pictures, receipts...
They know everything about us, Joe.
Fuck! It's Fear, Inc.
It's fucking them. It's fucking them!
Okay, fine, just look ahead.
Just look ahead. Don't look at them.
- Oh, fuck! - Fucking shit!
Okay, see? Just some fucking teenagers
on their way home from a party.
It's fine.
Okay, just drive slowly.
Be safe, be calm, it's fine.
It's fine.
Fuck! We're being fucking pulled over!
Joe! I told you to not do anything stupid!
How fast were you going?
Oh, fuck!
In a rush, are we?
I'm really sorry, Officer.
You had anything to drink tonight?
Uh, no, no. Not at all.
I've been at home all night.
It's the middle of the night, driving recklessly...
Yeah, it's 'cause we're actually late for a flight.
We were supposed to be going to Hawaii.
It's a second honeymoon of sorts.
Wow, Hawaii. I'm jealous.
Yeah.
All right, license and registration
and I'll make this as quick and painless as possible.
Thank you, Officer.
I guess it's...
Shit, um, actually it looks like
I forgot my wallet at home, Officer.
How were you planning on getting on a flight with no ID?
A young couple, driving an unmarked van
with no license plates toward the desert this late?
You got a body in the back of this thing?
I'm just yanking your chain.
I'm gonna run this registration.
Mind if I grab your license, honey,
just to have something to put in the file?
You know, you won't believe this,
but I think I've left it at home, too.
With his.
Doesn't look like you two
are gonna be going to Hawaii this morning.
Oh, we're fucked. We're totally fucked.
I knew we should have gone to cops when this all started!
Hey, calm down!
Aside from speeding, we haven't done anything wrong.
He has no reason to search the van,
all right?
What if he's Fear, Inc.?
Joe, he's a fucking cop.
Oh, I don't know,
my head is all screwed up from this whole thing.
What if he's one of them and he wants to take us back
to his warehouse and kill us or something?
Okay, you have to stop.
This is just gonna make things worse.
We're going to be fine,
we haven't done anything wrong.
All right? Okay, stay calm.
Tell me, Mr. Foster, what is Customized Events, LLC,
and why are you driving their van to the airport?
It's my brother's company. You know, when I...
My car's in the shop and he let's me borrow one of their vans.
How did you... how did you know my name?
Sir, you need to calm down.
I never told you my name and I never gave you my license.
Calm down, sir.
Hey, what precinct exactly are you working with?
I'm gonna need you to step out of the vehicle.
Go, go, go!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Hey, ready?
Yeah, yeah.
Joe... Ooh.
Okay.
All right, um, on three, I guess, okay?
Yeah. Oh, God!
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
Real quick.
Did you hear that?
- Is that... - What?
How the fuck did they find us?
Oh, my God, there's gotta be GPS in the van.
- Uh, - Joe, what do we...
This way, run, run!
Get down! Get down!
Shh, shh, shh.
What are they gonna do, What are they gonna do, What are they gonna do?
Joe!
We know you're out here, Joe!
I'll make you a deal.
Come on out, we let the princess live.
Abe, you hear that?
It's getting late and I need my beauty sleep.
What do you say?
Just turn yourself over and she goes home, safe and sound.
Last chance. Show her you still got those tiny little balls
she first fell in love with.
What's it gonna be, Joe?
I'm gonna go. I love you.
- No! - Hey!
Joe!
No, man... fuckin'...
No, don't...
Wow, Joe. Boyfriend of the year.
Look, man, it was an accident.
- Quiet! - It was just a mistake.
Check him.
Easy.
Easy, Cat.
You people.
You think you can do whatever you want,
with no repercussion.
No, it's not true, man. We thought he...
We thought the guy...
Tom, his name was Tom! Did you know he had a wife?
That he had a fucking daughter?
I thought he was gonna kill her, man.
I thought he was gonna kill her.
That's the service you paid us for. You called us!
No, we tried! I tried!
But you guys said it was sold out.
All right, when it started, yeah, I played along.
What kind of fucked up company do you guys run?
You made me think that I killed my friend.
It was a fucking plastic hand. You're the horror buff, Joe.
You should have known!
Please, man you gotta stop, okay?
It was just an accident, man.
- Tie him up. - It's a fucking accident!
You took my friend's last breath.
Now we're gonna take hers.
Lindsey!
Let's go!
Oh, God!
No, no, no, no.
Please, no.
No.
# I'll go #
# Down this road #
# To find my brother #
# I'll go #
# Down this road #
# To find a friend #
# I'll go #
# Down this road #
# To find a sinner #
# In myself #
# I'll go down #
# Down #
# This road #
# Again. #
Can I help you?
Do you have a phone I could use?
Yeah, we got a phone, but I'm gonna first need you
to tell me who you are and what happened.
Some guys,
they... they killed my girlfriend
out there in the desert.
I walked here, I just...
please... just please can I use your phone?
Phone's on the counter.
Was that scary enough for you?
What?
Hi.
Uh...
Oh, my God, baby. You're... you're alive.
You're all... you're all right.
I am. And you are.
And you did it, you did it.
Oh, I missed you, too.
Wait, wait, what do you mean?
What did I do?
What did I... what's going on?
This all part of our package.
I'm sorry. What? What...
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah, I told them how obsessed you were with horror movies,
and they took it from there,
they've catered this whole thing to you!
Okay, so, um...
Oh, that means that everything...
that was... that was planned?
- That was... - Hey, Joe.
Fuck!
It's okay.
Welcome to the wrap party.
How you feeling, dude?
Pete, turn up the lights and get some brews,
cast and crew is on their way.
After 48 hours of this, we need to decompress.
- Uh. - Come on, sit down.
Right there.
This is... this is crazy.
Does that mean that Ben and Ashleigh,
they were in on everything, too?
Are you kidding me?
Look at you. He's still scared!
What is wrong with you?
You know what hand this is?
This is my lovemaking hand, Joe.
Oh, my God. I fucking hate you.
Aw, well that was an experience.
An experience? This was a fucking nightmare is what it was.
Surprise.
Oh.
# I said please, baby, please #
# Won't you just stop jacking with my head? #
So, um, you guys knew everything that was gonna happen?
Uh, kind of. We had this, like, bullet-point version,
but most of it was just improv.
Not knowing everything probably made it
all much more believable, right?
Even when I knew when something was going to happen,
it still ended up scaring the shit out of me.
Yeah.
So you guys just made up all that stuff
about them being crazy?
What? No. Dude.
These people are really fucked up, man.
But I knew you'd love it, all right?
Come on, these people are fucking degenerates.
You gotta be a little off to do this.
Yeah, to be honest, I'm just glad
that it's over and that no one got hurt.
There's a time where I definitely started to question them.
Yeah.
And to think, these guys do this every fucking week.
Ladies and gentlemen, we meet here once again.
For the past eight years, all over the country,
a few of the privileged have hired our little gang of misfits
to create an experience they'll never forget.
And you know what, they never have.
No matter what the situation,
or how big the project we're working on,
you all give it 110 percent every time.
Tonight's victim, Joe Foster gave us quite a fight.
Yay!
It's impressive to make it out of a horror movie alive.
But to make it out of several,
Well, that's quite a feat.
I'll leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies.
"You are the disease, and I'm the cure."
Whoa, all right. Oh, I get it.
is this time for the gangbang,
is that what's about to happen?
Wait, why do I know this?
Let go!
Lindsey!
Joe, Joe!
Joe, you didn't think
we'd let you leave without experiencing
your all-time favorite death scene?
Joe!
Please let her go!
No!
Cut to black, bitch.
Hello?
Oh, well, I'm so sorry,
we're sold out.
Got another one, boys!
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