WEBVTT 1 00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:12.074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:01:02.560 --> 00:01:03.607 Give me that! 3 00:01:18.120 --> 00:01:19.804 Move! 4 00:01:20.360 --> 00:01:23.762 Hey, sir! Sir! Come back! 5 00:01:56.400 --> 00:01:57.925 I've gotta get outta here. 6 00:01:58.000 --> 00:01:59.684 Boo, boo, boo, hey, hey, hey. 7 00:01:59.800 --> 00:02:01.643 Girl, you got that list of questions? 8 00:02:01.720 --> 00:02:02.846 Yes. 9 00:02:02.920 --> 00:02:05.810 I think I have everything that I need. 10 00:02:05.880 --> 00:02:07.609 Be happy you ain't got this chlamydia, all right? 11 00:02:07.840 --> 00:02:09.968 Ooh, girl, I tried to take a piss earlier, 12 00:02:10.040 --> 00:02:12.168 it was like there was an angry dragon inside my snatch, 13 00:02:12.360 --> 00:02:14.124 you know, like some Game of Thrones shit! 14 00:02:14.200 --> 00:02:16.362 That's terrible, Kateesha. 15 00:02:16.440 --> 00:02:19.125 I can't help it when a tall, athletic brother 16 00:02:19.240 --> 00:02:21.561 come pushing up on this thickness. 17 00:02:21.640 --> 00:02:23.449 Ooh, yeah... Oh, shit! 18 00:02:23.720 --> 00:02:28.089 Oh, God, girl, I thank God every motherfucking day 19 00:02:28.160 --> 00:02:30.766 that the SuperSonics moved to Oklahoma. Shit. 20 00:02:31.320 --> 00:02:36.929 Okay, I'm gonna go so I won't be late for your interview. 21 00:02:37.160 --> 00:02:38.571 What the fuck are you wearing, girl? 22 00:02:38.880 --> 00:02:43.329 There ain't no camouflage, no fishnets and no fluorescent colors. 23 00:02:43.400 --> 00:02:46.324 How they gonna see you in the dark, bitch? How they gonna see you? 24 00:02:46.720 --> 00:02:48.245 I gotta go. 25 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:13.764 Wow, so big. 26 00:03:33.960 --> 00:03:35.450 Oh, I'm sorry. 27 00:03:35.520 --> 00:03:38.205 If you're looking for the homeless shelter, it's two doors down. 28 00:03:38.320 --> 00:03:40.243 Oh, no, I'm... I'm Hannah Steale. 29 00:03:40.320 --> 00:03:42.527 I'm here to see Mr. Black. 30 00:03:43.440 --> 00:03:46.762 The college bitch. May I take your coat? 31 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:49.286 Yes, please. Thank you. 32 00:03:50.040 --> 00:03:51.565 Ew... 33 00:03:53.440 --> 00:03:54.680 Follow me. 34 00:03:57.600 --> 00:03:58.806 In case you're wondering, 35 00:03:58.880 --> 00:04:00.848 I'm the hot secretary who's fucking the boss, 36 00:04:00.920 --> 00:04:02.843 which means there's no room for the dopey intern 37 00:04:02.920 --> 00:04:05.287 with the damaged hair and the cankles. 38 00:04:07.960 --> 00:04:09.086 Come here. 39 00:04:09.160 --> 00:04:11.242 Ugh! 40 00:04:12.320 --> 00:04:13.651 That's the smell of his balls 41 00:04:13.720 --> 00:04:15.688 after lunch and two games of racquetball. 42 00:04:15.760 --> 00:04:17.683 Mmm... 43 00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:20.289 Have a nice day, Ms. Steale. 44 00:04:20.360 --> 00:04:21.850 Plain-ass bitch. 45 00:04:40.520 --> 00:04:43.046 Ow! My neck. Ow. Ooh. 46 00:04:46.000 --> 00:04:47.047 You... 47 00:04:51.400 --> 00:04:53.084 Oh, shit! 48 00:05:00.560 --> 00:05:02.528 I guess I should've tried pulling. 49 00:05:02.640 --> 00:05:03.687 Ms. Kavahellnah. 50 00:05:03.760 --> 00:05:04.841 Christian Black. 51 00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:07.046 Are you okay? 52 00:05:07.160 --> 00:05:09.288 I think so, yeah. 53 00:05:09.400 --> 00:05:11.528 Good, 'cause you got fucked up! 54 00:05:13.080 --> 00:05:15.606 I mean, you hit that statue like a hard-charging rhino, 55 00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:17.489 and I say rhino because you're a lot fatter than I thought, 56 00:05:17.560 --> 00:05:20.608 and you got this bump on your nose that resembles a small horn. 57 00:05:21.000 --> 00:05:22.490 - Maybe you wanna get that squeezed. - Okay. 58 00:05:22.560 --> 00:05:24.085 A little Proactiv on it. 59 00:05:24.360 --> 00:05:25.930 I'm not Ms. Kavahellnah. 60 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:27.490 You ain't Ms. Kavahellnah? 61 00:05:27.560 --> 00:05:30.404 - Who the fuck are you? - My name is Hannah Steale. 62 00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:31.970 I'm studying literature 63 00:05:32.040 --> 00:05:33.929 with Kateesha at the university. 64 00:05:34.400 --> 00:05:35.401 Oh. 65 00:05:35.520 --> 00:05:38.205 Please, have a seat. 66 00:05:38.280 --> 00:05:39.770 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 67 00:05:55.840 --> 00:05:56.841 No. 68 00:05:59.160 --> 00:06:01.401 - No. - So, what do you want? 69 00:06:01.480 --> 00:06:03.608 Jesus Christ! Just spit it out! 70 00:06:04.280 --> 00:06:05.850 A pencil. 71 00:06:05.920 --> 00:06:08.969 A pencil... You should've just said that in the beginning! 72 00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:11.441 Gosh! Here, take 'em! 73 00:06:11.960 --> 00:06:13.962 - Jesus! - Thank you. 74 00:06:14.200 --> 00:06:16.089 You gotta get your shit together, Ms. Steale. 75 00:06:18.080 --> 00:06:19.525 Shit. 76 00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:22.251 These are Kateesha's questions, okay? 77 00:06:24.840 --> 00:06:27.320 "You have mad stacks of cash. 78 00:06:28.120 --> 00:06:30.600 "How'd you get it, and can I get some?" 79 00:06:30.760 --> 00:06:33.366 Oh... Ms. Steale. 80 00:06:33.480 --> 00:06:34.561 I got my money 81 00:06:34.640 --> 00:06:36.847 the way most black entrepreneurs got theirs. 82 00:06:37.360 --> 00:06:39.408 - Real estate? - Drug dealing. 83 00:06:39.680 --> 00:06:43.048 See, you have to know your business inside and out. 84 00:06:43.760 --> 00:06:46.206 I smoked crack. Not for long, 85 00:06:46.880 --> 00:06:49.008 but just long enough to know what a penis tastes like. 86 00:06:50.360 --> 00:06:52.488 Tastes like raw rump roast. 87 00:06:52.560 --> 00:06:54.210 - Mmm. - Ew! 88 00:06:54.280 --> 00:06:57.648 I got all ashy, like E.T. when he was sick in the river. 89 00:06:58.360 --> 00:07:01.170 I lost six essential teeth. 90 00:07:01.840 --> 00:07:05.128 Have you ever tried to eat steak with one molar? 91 00:07:05.200 --> 00:07:07.521 No. Why would I do that? 92 00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:10.128 Gnaw and suck. 93 00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:13.244 Gnaw and suck. It's hard. 94 00:07:13.720 --> 00:07:17.486 - Could be that you're lucky. - No. 95 00:07:17.880 --> 00:07:19.803 Keanu Reeves is lucky. 96 00:07:20.120 --> 00:07:22.566 Flo Rida is lucky. 97 00:07:22.720 --> 00:07:24.927 Iggy Azalea is lucky. 98 00:07:25.080 --> 00:07:26.923 Yeah, he's lucky. 99 00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:28.201 Next question. 100 00:07:29.040 --> 00:07:33.329 "Is you gay, or is you gay as a motherfucker?" 101 00:07:33.720 --> 00:07:37.645 Just because you touch a penis doesn't mean you're gay. 102 00:07:37.720 --> 00:07:40.246 Especially if it's for money or crack. 103 00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:44.406 You're only gay if you enjoy touching penis. 104 00:07:44.880 --> 00:07:47.201 You touch a penis with attitude, like... "I don't really like this." 105 00:07:47.320 --> 00:07:50.369 That ain't gay. It's just exploratory. 106 00:07:51.480 --> 00:07:53.323 You said you're an English major. 107 00:07:53.400 --> 00:07:55.721 Was it Chaucer, Shelley or Keats 108 00:07:55.800 --> 00:07:57.882 that first made you fall in love with literature? 109 00:07:58.240 --> 00:08:00.322 - It was Seuss. - Seuss! 110 00:08:00.480 --> 00:08:03.051 - Cat in the Hat, Thing 1 and Thing 2. - ...and Thing 2! 111 00:08:03.120 --> 00:08:05.202 I mean, who doesn't wanna be them? 112 00:08:05.280 --> 00:08:07.328 Well, you know, me and my brother were Thing 1 113 00:08:07.400 --> 00:08:08.925 and Thing 2 for Halloween this year. 114 00:08:09.000 --> 00:08:11.002 - Really? - Yeah. Check this out. 115 00:08:12.280 --> 00:08:14.169 Oh, my God, look at both of you! 116 00:08:14.240 --> 00:08:16.288 We called 'em Thang 1 and Thang 2. 117 00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:19.845 That's amazing. 118 00:08:19.920 --> 00:08:21.524 What if I wanted to hire you? 119 00:08:21.920 --> 00:08:25.891 I don't know. I see the way the women dress around here. 120 00:08:25.960 --> 00:08:28.691 I don't exactly fit in. 121 00:08:28.760 --> 00:08:30.762 You know, despite the Salvation Army sweater, 122 00:08:30.840 --> 00:08:32.330 the greasy weaves, 123 00:08:32.440 --> 00:08:34.408 and your big ol' Usher nose, 124 00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:36.926 there's something oddly attractive about you. 125 00:08:37.320 --> 00:08:39.163 Yeah, you're like the little ugly runt 126 00:08:39.240 --> 00:08:40.969 in a litter full of pretty puppies. 127 00:08:41.120 --> 00:08:43.282 You know, the little ugly one that nobody wants to touch. 128 00:08:43.360 --> 00:08:46.807 You're, all hairless and big-eyed and wild-looking. 129 00:08:47.040 --> 00:08:49.691 But you just wanna take you home and give you love, 130 00:08:49.760 --> 00:08:51.762 or stuff you in a sack with a bunch of rocks 131 00:08:51.840 --> 00:08:54.401 and just toss your little ugly ass at the bottom of the ocean. 132 00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:55.766 Just put you out your misery. 133 00:08:56.400 --> 00:08:58.448 Oh. Okay. 134 00:09:01.440 --> 00:09:02.726 Thank you, Mr. Black. 135 00:09:02.800 --> 00:09:05.007 Please, call me Christian. 136 00:09:06.480 --> 00:09:09.051 - Christian. - I hope I answered all your questions. 137 00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:11.202 You certainly did. 138 00:09:13.640 --> 00:09:15.483 - Hannah. - Christian. 139 00:09:15.560 --> 00:09:16.971 Ooh, shit! 140 00:09:17.040 --> 00:09:18.530 Oh, God! 141 00:09:19.120 --> 00:09:20.281 Oh! 142 00:09:20.480 --> 00:09:22.084 Jesus Christ! 143 00:09:22.160 --> 00:09:23.844 Oh, God, make it stop! 144 00:09:27.920 --> 00:09:30.571 White girls, get that elevator fixed. 145 00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:34.005 Ooh, Hannah! 146 00:09:34.320 --> 00:09:36.561 So, how was he? 147 00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:40.123 He was all right, I guess. 148 00:09:40.200 --> 00:09:43.886 Oh, shit! You fucked him, girl! I knew that shit! 149 00:09:44.000 --> 00:09:46.685 Yeah, girl, get that dick, girl, get that dick. 150 00:09:46.760 --> 00:09:49.889 What? Uh! Get that dick! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 151 00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:52.685 Take it to town, motherfucker. Get that dick. 152 00:09:52.760 --> 00:09:54.808 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 153 00:09:54.880 --> 00:09:56.962 Shit, girl, yeah! Ooh! 154 00:09:57.040 --> 00:09:58.610 So, did he have a big dick? 155 00:09:58.680 --> 00:10:01.445 - What? - Ooh, girl, was it like real skinny, girl, 156 00:10:01.520 --> 00:10:03.443 or was it like real long, like skinny long? 157 00:10:03.520 --> 00:10:04.726 'Cause that's fucking weird. 158 00:10:04.840 --> 00:10:06.683 But, like, short and thick, girl? 159 00:10:06.760 --> 00:10:08.285 I can get down with that short, fat dick. 160 00:10:08.360 --> 00:10:11.011 No, there is... There's no... There's no dick. 161 00:10:11.080 --> 00:10:12.764 Remember what I told you, okay? 162 00:10:12.880 --> 00:10:16.123 If it's got like little red zit-like things on the head of that shit, 163 00:10:16.200 --> 00:10:17.964 you put that in your butt, okay? 164 00:10:18.040 --> 00:10:21.522 He gonna be like, "Oh, girl, no, it's just skin tags." 165 00:10:21.640 --> 00:10:23.881 "Bitch, you got 47 skin tags on your dick? 166 00:10:23.960 --> 00:10:25.041 "I ain't falling for that shit. 167 00:10:25.120 --> 00:10:27.043 "Again!" Okay? 168 00:10:27.160 --> 00:10:31.722 Mmm, but you gotta admit, girl, he is bangin'! Mmm! 169 00:10:32.040 --> 00:10:34.930 Yeah, I guess if you're into the wildly-successful, 170 00:10:35.040 --> 00:10:37.407 super-handsome, possibly-dangerous thing, 171 00:10:37.480 --> 00:10:39.369 then Christian Black is your guy. 172 00:10:39.440 --> 00:10:42.410 Bitch, I'm talkin' 'bout Lil Weezy! 173 00:10:42.480 --> 00:10:45.051 Ooh, girl, he got tats on his tats. 174 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:47.282 And he ain't afraid to get a bitch pregnant. 175 00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:49.089 Let you keep the baby and everythin'. 176 00:10:49.320 --> 00:10:50.321 Mmm. 177 00:10:50.960 --> 00:10:52.246 You gonna eat that? 178 00:10:54.200 --> 00:10:58.922 Ooh, I wish I could find a man the size of this to satisfy me. 179 00:10:59.040 --> 00:11:01.611 This shit better be gluten-free. 180 00:11:35.040 --> 00:11:37.611 Hmm, Mr. Black. 181 00:11:37.800 --> 00:11:39.290 Oh, God. 182 00:11:39.800 --> 00:11:42.929 Mmm... God, Christian. 183 00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:44.001 Mmm... 184 00:11:52.480 --> 00:11:54.130 Oh, my God, you know what I wanna do. 185 00:12:18.040 --> 00:12:19.644 - Hi. - What the fuck? 186 00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:21.650 What a pleasant surprise, Ms. Steale. 187 00:12:22.280 --> 00:12:24.009 Please, call me Hannah. 188 00:12:24.080 --> 00:12:25.127 Okay, Ms. Steale. 189 00:12:26.200 --> 00:12:28.680 I was just in the area and wanted to pick up a few items. 190 00:12:29.200 --> 00:12:31.521 Are you stalking me, Mr. Black? 191 00:12:33.040 --> 00:12:34.087 Yes. 192 00:12:35.520 --> 00:12:37.602 I mean, unless you don't want me to. 193 00:12:37.680 --> 00:12:40.650 You do want me to, don't you? 194 00:12:42.440 --> 00:12:43.885 Just something to think about. 195 00:12:44.840 --> 00:12:47.286 Can I help you with something? 196 00:12:47.360 --> 00:12:48.441 Yes. 197 00:12:48.520 --> 00:12:50.761 I would like to pick up some cable ties and some tape. 198 00:12:51.080 --> 00:12:53.128 Well, you're in luck, we got some cable ties right here. 199 00:12:53.240 --> 00:12:55.288 - What color do you want? - Red. 200 00:12:56.600 --> 00:12:58.523 The color of passion. 201 00:12:59.200 --> 00:13:00.964 The tape is this way. Follow me. 202 00:13:05.960 --> 00:13:07.644 If I didn't know better, 203 00:13:07.720 --> 00:13:09.722 I might mistake you for a serial killer. 204 00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:12.645 Don't be ridiculous. If I was a serial killer, 205 00:13:12.720 --> 00:13:14.722 I'd need rope, ax, lye, ammonia, 206 00:13:14.800 --> 00:13:16.723 chlorophyll, wood chipper, plastic sheets 207 00:13:16.800 --> 00:13:18.723 and three large boxes of space Pampers. 208 00:13:19.280 --> 00:13:20.406 And a shovel. 209 00:13:21.560 --> 00:13:23.722 Second thought... 210 00:13:23.800 --> 00:13:25.928 I think I need to pick up a few more items. 211 00:13:26.720 --> 00:13:29.166 Well, looks like you're all set now. 212 00:13:29.240 --> 00:13:30.765 Thank you, Ms. Steale. 213 00:13:32.480 --> 00:13:36.326 Hey, if your roommate needs a photo to go with the story, 214 00:13:36.400 --> 00:13:38.767 I'll be around tomorrow. And the next day. 215 00:13:38.920 --> 00:13:39.921 And the day after that. 216 00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:41.968 I'm actually around all of next week. 217 00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:44.208 Here. Just contact me. 218 00:13:45.880 --> 00:13:47.325 "Christian Black. 219 00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:52.085 "I'm not a bidness man, I'm a bidness... man." 220 00:13:53.320 --> 00:13:55.641 Thank you so much for your help, Ms. Steale. 221 00:13:55.760 --> 00:13:57.888 Let me know when those space Pampers come in, okay? 222 00:13:57.960 --> 00:13:59.485 Save me three boxes! 223 00:13:59.600 --> 00:14:00.931 Got a long drive ahead of me. 224 00:14:01.000 --> 00:14:02.411 Bye! 225 00:14:02.480 --> 00:14:04.130 I'm gonna call you. 226 00:14:10.360 --> 00:14:12.124 - Jesse! - Hey. 227 00:14:12.280 --> 00:14:14.328 Thank you so much for doing this last minute. 228 00:14:14.440 --> 00:14:17.125 Hannah, listen, you are my best friend, okay? 229 00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:18.611 You know I'd do anything for you, right? 230 00:14:18.680 --> 00:14:19.966 Oh! 231 00:14:20.560 --> 00:14:22.767 - Yeah. I'd really love a handjob, though. - What? 232 00:14:22.880 --> 00:14:25.531 I said I really love this job. It's amazing. 233 00:14:25.600 --> 00:14:27.204 Oh, my God. Get in here. 234 00:14:27.280 --> 00:14:28.930 Later I wanna hit it. 235 00:14:29.120 --> 00:14:30.770 Uh... Um... 236 00:14:30.840 --> 00:14:32.490 I didn't catch the last thing. 237 00:14:32.600 --> 00:14:34.648 I said later I wanna hit the bar. 238 00:14:34.720 --> 00:14:36.006 - Oh. - Come on, Hannah, 239 00:14:36.080 --> 00:14:37.730 it's what platonic friends do. 240 00:14:37.800 --> 00:14:39.165 You know? You grab a beer, right? 241 00:14:39.240 --> 00:14:40.287 Then you make out and have sex 242 00:14:40.400 --> 00:14:43.051 until we question the status of our friendship or whatever, you know? 243 00:14:43.240 --> 00:14:45.811 - I guess. Come on. - Yeah. Come here. 244 00:14:45.920 --> 00:14:47.490 - Whoa! - Whoa! 245 00:14:47.720 --> 00:14:49.961 Hannah! Did you just kiss me on my lips? 246 00:14:50.040 --> 00:14:52.691 - Wait, I thought that... - No. Listen. Okay, let's get one thing clear. 247 00:14:52.800 --> 00:14:55.724 - We are just friends. Don't make it weird. - Oh, no, I thought... 248 00:14:55.840 --> 00:14:58.081 - It's okay, I'll fuck you later. - Wait. What? 249 00:14:58.200 --> 00:15:00.282 I said I'll see you later. 250 00:15:00.560 --> 00:15:02.005 - Jeez, Hannah. - Oh. 251 00:15:02.520 --> 00:15:04.170 Just go. 252 00:15:06.800 --> 00:15:08.325 Pow! Pow! 253 00:15:09.880 --> 00:15:12.087 Girl, he's staring at you like some real 254 00:15:12.160 --> 00:15:14.083 Fear-type shit right now, girl. 255 00:15:14.160 --> 00:15:15.605 He look like Marky Mark 256 00:15:15.680 --> 00:15:17.967 after he left the Funky Bunch and started acting, girl. 257 00:15:18.040 --> 00:15:19.405 All right, give me a smile. 258 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:21.001 Cheese. 259 00:15:21.080 --> 00:15:23.321 All right, don't ever fucking smile again, okay? 260 00:15:23.680 --> 00:15:26.160 He asked me to go to coffee with him after the shoot. 261 00:15:26.240 --> 00:15:27.730 Oh, girl, that's cute! 262 00:15:27.880 --> 00:15:29.450 Last time I went to coffee, 263 00:15:29.520 --> 00:15:31.682 I got eaten out outside of McDonald's. 264 00:15:31.920 --> 00:15:34.651 That McCafé menu got a girl gushin'. 265 00:15:34.720 --> 00:15:36.006 All right, let's break the Internet. 266 00:15:45.960 --> 00:15:47.041 Eat. 267 00:15:47.400 --> 00:15:49.846 I'm not your dog, you can't tell me what to do. 268 00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:52.806 You're right. If you were my dog, I would do this. 269 00:15:54.120 --> 00:15:56.521 Bad girl! Bad, bad, bad girl! 270 00:16:00.360 --> 00:16:01.566 So, tell me about your family. 271 00:16:01.680 --> 00:16:02.886 Well... 272 00:16:03.720 --> 00:16:07.088 My dad left me when I was two years old, 273 00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:09.885 so I was mostly raised by my stepdad, Ron. 274 00:16:11.000 --> 00:16:12.923 That's painfully uninteresting. 275 00:16:13.280 --> 00:16:14.441 How about your mother? 276 00:16:14.560 --> 00:16:16.688 - She's been married eight times. - Yeah. 277 00:16:16.760 --> 00:16:18.649 She's an incurable romantic. 278 00:16:18.720 --> 00:16:20.324 Are you a romantic? 279 00:16:20.400 --> 00:16:21.686 I guess. 280 00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:24.406 I mean, I like long walks on the beach. 281 00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:26.050 I like baby talk, I like to cuddle. 282 00:16:26.120 --> 00:16:27.849 Ooh, and I love Nicholas Sparks movies. 283 00:16:27.920 --> 00:16:29.331 Even the one with Miley Cyrus? 284 00:16:29.400 --> 00:16:31.562 - That's my favorite one! - Bitch, I'm out! 285 00:16:36.480 --> 00:16:38.050 - Cheers. - Yeah. 286 00:16:40.720 --> 00:16:43.405 Ooh, that tastes like a white boy on spring break. 287 00:16:43.520 --> 00:16:45.921 I hate him. I'm gonna call him. 288 00:16:46.040 --> 00:16:47.769 You want another drink? 289 00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:50.081 Yes. Drink to forget. 290 00:16:50.160 --> 00:16:51.685 Yeah. 291 00:16:52.880 --> 00:16:54.325 Oh, yeah. 292 00:16:56.480 --> 00:16:57.891 That tastes horrible. 293 00:16:57.960 --> 00:17:00.008 The Molly must not be crushed up all the way. 294 00:17:00.120 --> 00:17:02.043 Let me fix it for you. 295 00:17:02.760 --> 00:17:04.125 I gotta go to the bathroom. 296 00:17:04.200 --> 00:17:05.440 You gotta what? 297 00:17:05.520 --> 00:17:07.966 I gotta go to the ladies' room. 298 00:17:08.040 --> 00:17:10.884 - Huh? - I have to take a shit! 299 00:17:16.760 --> 00:17:19.923 Hannah... Hannah, you feeling all right? A little woozy perhaps? 300 00:17:20.040 --> 00:17:22.327 - Whoa! - Huh? Unable to make good decisions? 301 00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:24.726 We should take it to the next level and you, like, suck my dick. 302 00:17:24.800 --> 00:17:27.521 Baby, you take it to the next level, you stop feelin' sick, okay? 303 00:17:27.600 --> 00:17:30.683 Oh, my God. You are my bestest friend. 304 00:17:30.760 --> 00:17:32.330 Yes. With benefits. 305 00:17:33.640 --> 00:17:35.290 Ah... Fuck my mouth with your fingers. 306 00:17:35.520 --> 00:17:36.601 Fuck! 307 00:17:37.800 --> 00:17:39.450 I'm never gonna get none. 308 00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:44.487 I'll fuck you. I ain't gonna like it, but I'll do it. 309 00:17:44.600 --> 00:17:46.329 Listen, I don't fuck white girls, okay? 310 00:17:46.440 --> 00:17:48.044 Nigga, who you callin' white? 311 00:17:50.200 --> 00:17:52.362 She just call me the N word? 312 00:17:53.600 --> 00:17:55.204 Kind of turned me on. 313 00:17:56.400 --> 00:17:58.323 Call me "nigga" again. 314 00:18:04.080 --> 00:18:06.082 Mmm-hmm. 315 00:18:12.480 --> 00:18:13.811 Well, hello there. 316 00:18:13.880 --> 00:18:15.882 Yeah, this is Hannah. 317 00:18:16.640 --> 00:18:17.801 Hannah, are you wasted? 318 00:18:17.880 --> 00:18:19.291 Yes, I am wasted. 319 00:18:19.360 --> 00:18:22.011 You're a hole-ass, you're might on the roney, 320 00:18:22.120 --> 00:18:24.361 you penis suck of yours. 321 00:18:24.440 --> 00:18:28.525 You sound like Yoda. Listen, I want you to go home right now. 322 00:18:28.600 --> 00:18:30.284 Don't tell me what to do, 323 00:18:30.360 --> 00:18:32.761 Mr. "Oh, let's go for coffee. 324 00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:34.803 "No, stay away from me!" 325 00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:37.326 Let me put this in words you can understand. 326 00:18:37.400 --> 00:18:40.370 Now, right home you go! 327 00:18:40.440 --> 00:18:41.441 No! 328 00:18:41.880 --> 00:18:42.961 I told him. 329 00:18:43.720 --> 00:18:45.961 - Mmm-hmm. - Bitch, you smell like shit. 330 00:18:50.160 --> 00:18:51.446 Ugh! 331 00:18:55.720 --> 00:18:58.041 Oh, Hannah! Hannah! Hey, it's cold out here. 332 00:18:58.120 --> 00:18:59.201 You can't come out like that. 333 00:18:59.280 --> 00:19:00.725 Oh, thank you. 334 00:19:00.800 --> 00:19:02.086 How you feelin'? 335 00:19:02.200 --> 00:19:03.850 Just a little bit drunk. 336 00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:06.400 Are you, like, Donald-Trump-running- for-president drunk 337 00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:08.687 or, like, Donald-Trump-saying- he-don't-like-Mexicans drunk? 338 00:19:08.760 --> 00:19:09.966 'Cause that's some crazy shit, man. 339 00:19:10.040 --> 00:19:12.327 A lot of Mexicans out there just crossing the border and shit! 340 00:19:12.400 --> 00:19:15.324 And you show them niggas love! Show them niggas love! 341 00:19:15.400 --> 00:19:16.401 Can I show you some love? 342 00:19:16.480 --> 00:19:17.527 What? No! 343 00:19:17.600 --> 00:19:20.968 Come on. Come on! Just one kiss, man! 344 00:19:21.040 --> 00:19:23.042 I don't know when you gonna be this drunk again! 345 00:19:23.120 --> 00:19:24.690 Come on, gimme that kiss! 346 00:19:24.760 --> 00:19:25.761 Ow! Stop! 347 00:19:25.840 --> 00:19:28.366 - Hey! Hey! She said no! - Stop! 348 00:19:30.080 --> 00:19:31.241 Christian! 349 00:19:31.440 --> 00:19:32.726 You just push me, nigga? 350 00:19:33.120 --> 00:19:35.248 Oh, you got some crazy shit coming, boy. 351 00:19:35.640 --> 00:19:36.721 Wait. Hold up. This nigga comin' back? 352 00:19:36.800 --> 00:19:37.847 Comin' to you, nigga. 353 00:19:37.920 --> 00:19:39.524 He comin' back! 354 00:19:39.600 --> 00:19:41.364 Damn! 355 00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:46.768 Christian, stay down! 356 00:19:47.000 --> 00:19:48.445 Okay. Okay. 357 00:19:48.800 --> 00:19:51.280 The nigga's a ninja! This nigga's a ninja. 358 00:19:51.640 --> 00:19:53.608 Worldstar! 359 00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:56.604 - Bitch! - He had such a beautiful face. 360 00:19:57.600 --> 00:19:59.125 Did he leave? 361 00:19:59.200 --> 00:20:01.043 You better run! 362 00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:03.285 Oh, I don't feel so good, Christian. 363 00:20:03.360 --> 00:20:04.407 Come on, let's get you home. 364 00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:06.608 Oh, no, I can't with you, 365 00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:09.769 because my roommate is in there. 366 00:20:10.120 --> 00:20:13.249 Don't worry. She's being well taken care of. 367 00:20:13.320 --> 00:20:14.890 What's your name again? 368 00:20:15.040 --> 00:20:17.088 My name is Eli. 369 00:20:17.160 --> 00:20:19.731 My friends call me Weekday. 370 00:20:19.800 --> 00:20:21.325 I'm Christian's brother. 371 00:20:21.400 --> 00:20:23.050 Ooh... Mmm... 372 00:20:23.120 --> 00:20:25.168 The poor one. 373 00:20:25.240 --> 00:20:26.287 Mmm-mmm... 374 00:20:28.520 --> 00:20:30.249 I know what you're saying, 375 00:20:30.320 --> 00:20:35.167 "Oh, he's financially poor, yet spiritually rich." 376 00:20:35.480 --> 00:20:36.606 Mmm... 377 00:20:36.680 --> 00:20:39.160 - Nah, that don't count. - What do you feel? 378 00:20:40.520 --> 00:20:43.171 - What do you feel? - Oh, my God. 379 00:20:43.240 --> 00:20:46.642 When does that end? Oh, my God! 380 00:20:46.840 --> 00:20:51.448 The weight of my penis makes my money too heavy to carry around! 381 00:20:51.560 --> 00:20:52.686 Yes! 382 00:20:52.800 --> 00:20:54.325 I'll see you later, woman. 383 00:20:55.840 --> 00:20:58.525 - Until we meet again. - How can I touch you? 384 00:20:58.600 --> 00:21:00.443 I mean, get in touch with you! 385 00:21:00.520 --> 00:21:01.931 My number 386 00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:04.211 is seven. 387 00:21:04.280 --> 00:21:05.281 Oh! 388 00:21:06.200 --> 00:21:09.568 That's a good number. Oh, God. 389 00:21:09.640 --> 00:21:11.165 I'mma call you! 390 00:21:14.480 --> 00:21:16.323 Good morning. 391 00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:18.930 I've been staring at you all night. 392 00:21:19.000 --> 00:21:20.206 I haven't blinked once. 393 00:21:20.800 --> 00:21:22.370 Gosh, my eyes are hurting. 394 00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:27.885 - How did I get here? - I brought you here, Hannah. 395 00:21:29.040 --> 00:21:30.201 Did you undress me? 396 00:21:30.280 --> 00:21:31.850 I sure did. Mmm... 397 00:21:32.240 --> 00:21:33.571 My God, we didn't... 398 00:21:33.880 --> 00:21:35.928 No, we didn't. 399 00:21:36.760 --> 00:21:38.489 And I have the blue balls to prove it. 400 00:21:39.280 --> 00:21:41.089 Look at these things. 401 00:21:42.200 --> 00:21:43.406 Ugh! 402 00:21:43.480 --> 00:21:47.087 What are those? What the fuck are those? 403 00:21:47.240 --> 00:21:48.765 Oh... It hurts so much. 404 00:21:48.840 --> 00:21:50.410 I don't know what to do! 405 00:21:50.480 --> 00:21:51.811 Why are you showing me this? 406 00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:53.891 I ordered you some breakfast. 407 00:22:03.640 --> 00:22:07.087 Here. Eat. You'll need your strength. 408 00:22:07.320 --> 00:22:11.086 But you licked this one, and did all sorts of other weird stuff to it. 409 00:22:11.160 --> 00:22:13.925 Can I get a fresh one? Maybe some jam. 410 00:22:14.040 --> 00:22:15.610 No, eat it. 411 00:22:15.760 --> 00:22:18.001 Why don't you just leave me alone, Christian? 412 00:22:18.120 --> 00:22:20.088 Because I'm incapable of leaving you alone. 413 00:22:20.560 --> 00:22:22.050 I'm a certified stalker. 414 00:22:22.120 --> 00:22:25.362 I have four restraining orders, and I'm currently working on a fifth. 415 00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:26.965 Listen to me. 416 00:22:27.040 --> 00:22:29.771 I don't do the romance thing. 417 00:22:30.280 --> 00:22:33.602 Anal, yes. Fisting, sure. 418 00:22:33.760 --> 00:22:37.401 Two in the pink, one in the stink, yeah. 419 00:22:37.480 --> 00:22:40.450 I do that. But I don't do romance. 420 00:22:42.480 --> 00:22:44.084 You know, I'd like to bite that lip. 421 00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:45.810 I wish you would. 422 00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:50.441 Ow! 423 00:22:50.520 --> 00:22:51.681 Ow! Mmm... 424 00:22:51.760 --> 00:22:52.886 Oh, my God! 425 00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:07.530 Come on, let's get you outta here. 426 00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:10.961 - God, that made me wet. - Oh! 427 00:23:11.280 --> 00:23:12.441 Oh, love it. 428 00:23:21.160 --> 00:23:23.003 Fuck the bullshit. 429 00:23:33.480 --> 00:23:35.323 How you doin'? 430 00:23:42.840 --> 00:23:44.365 Open your eyes. Lizard kisses, come on. 431 00:23:51.760 --> 00:23:53.000 Vampire bite! 432 00:23:57.680 --> 00:23:58.806 I love it! More! 433 00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:00.120 Yes! Yes! 434 00:24:01.240 --> 00:24:02.605 Oh, my God! 435 00:24:08.840 --> 00:24:10.604 You shut up and watch. 436 00:24:12.560 --> 00:24:13.891 Get outta here! 437 00:24:16.680 --> 00:24:18.011 Excuse me. 438 00:24:22.000 --> 00:24:25.049 I have to warn you, elevators make me horny. 439 00:24:28.040 --> 00:24:31.010 Ooh, Daddy, I want you to write a song about me. 440 00:24:31.320 --> 00:24:32.924 I wanna be your muse. 441 00:24:33.000 --> 00:24:34.604 Oh, this is a great time. 442 00:24:34.680 --> 00:24:37.206 I'm inspired to write a song 443 00:24:37.280 --> 00:24:38.611 about you right now. 444 00:24:38.680 --> 00:24:40.523 Ooh, that feels so good. 445 00:24:41.280 --> 00:24:45.251 'Cause I love havin' sex unprotected 446 00:24:45.360 --> 00:24:46.361 Ooh. 447 00:24:46.440 --> 00:24:50.889 And I love when my dick's in you naked 448 00:24:50.960 --> 00:24:52.371 Deeper, Daddy, deeper! Yeah! 449 00:24:52.480 --> 00:24:55.848 Goin' raw in you, you, you... 450 00:24:55.920 --> 00:24:57.285 Yes! Yes! 451 00:24:57.360 --> 00:25:00.728 Goin' raw in you, you, you, you 452 00:25:00.800 --> 00:25:04.202 Ooh, I think you going platinum in about two minutes! Oh! 453 00:25:04.360 --> 00:25:07.284 You're infected, yeah 454 00:25:07.600 --> 00:25:10.365 Need antiseptic, yeah 455 00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:12.130 'Cause, girl, you burned it 456 00:25:12.200 --> 00:25:14.441 Ooh, that like an E minor or something? 457 00:25:14.520 --> 00:25:16.443 Oh, you burned it! 458 00:25:17.080 --> 00:25:18.525 Oh, you burned 459 00:25:18.760 --> 00:25:20.364 Ah... You... 460 00:25:24.360 --> 00:25:25.361 Ooh, shit. 461 00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:27.169 Motherfucker! 462 00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:33.450 You done? I gotta get to church. 463 00:25:35.040 --> 00:25:36.201 - Hey! - Oh. 464 00:25:36.280 --> 00:25:37.441 You two are fucking. 465 00:25:39.480 --> 00:25:41.323 - Ooh. - Hey, bro. 466 00:25:44.080 --> 00:25:45.969 - How you doin'? - My brother. 467 00:25:46.200 --> 00:25:47.281 My brother, peace and blessings. 468 00:25:47.560 --> 00:25:49.642 Hannah, this is my little brother, Eli. 469 00:25:49.840 --> 00:25:51.365 - Little? - Yes. 470 00:25:51.440 --> 00:25:53.761 I'm Eli, like the movie about the book, 471 00:25:53.840 --> 00:25:55.126 because I'm deep. 472 00:25:55.240 --> 00:25:56.241 He is deep. 473 00:25:56.320 --> 00:25:57.321 Balls deep. 474 00:25:57.400 --> 00:25:58.686 Yeah. 475 00:25:58.760 --> 00:26:00.364 Kateesha told me a lot about you. 476 00:26:00.440 --> 00:26:02.568 Yeah, you're like... You're, like, a lot 477 00:26:02.640 --> 00:26:04.483 plainer than I thought you would be. 478 00:26:04.560 --> 00:26:06.403 Well, she plain but pretty. 479 00:26:06.520 --> 00:26:09.729 - You're like a brick wall, just boring and rigid... - Okay. 480 00:26:09.800 --> 00:26:12.201 And just ashy in some places. 481 00:26:12.280 --> 00:26:14.009 Okay, okay, okay, okay, enough with the small talk. 482 00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:17.041 We have a long drive ahead of us. 483 00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:19.322 We do. Great pleasure. It's been a pleasure. 484 00:26:20.160 --> 00:26:21.730 The moon shall rise again. 485 00:26:21.800 --> 00:26:24.326 Ooh, that so romantic, boo. What that mean? 486 00:26:25.320 --> 00:26:29.041 - Deuces, bitch. - Okay, I got you! I see you later! 487 00:26:29.120 --> 00:26:31.043 - Nice meeting you. - Bye. 488 00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:36.361 All right, so listen. Meet me at the office later. 489 00:26:36.480 --> 00:26:38.130 I have something special planned for you. 490 00:26:38.840 --> 00:26:40.524 - Okay? Deuces, bitch. - Mmm-hmm. 491 00:26:40.600 --> 00:26:42.443 - Who you calling a bitch? - Oh, shit! 492 00:26:42.680 --> 00:26:43.727 Damn, girl. 493 00:26:43.800 --> 00:26:45.768 I was just saying. He said it to her, 494 00:26:45.840 --> 00:26:46.921 and I thought it was cute. 495 00:26:47.040 --> 00:26:48.041 Mmm. 496 00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:50.130 Damn, bitch... I mean, girl. 497 00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:02.325 Are you ready for the ride of your life? 498 00:27:02.400 --> 00:27:04.607 Oh, my God! Are we gonna go in your helicopter? 499 00:27:10.160 --> 00:27:13.687 I can't believe you thought I was gonna take you on the chopper. 500 00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:16.209 We haven't even fucked yet. 501 00:27:20.720 --> 00:27:21.960 After you. 502 00:27:27.320 --> 00:27:29.163 Holy shit! You live here? 503 00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:33.049 What, a black man can't have a nice place like this? 504 00:27:33.120 --> 00:27:37.125 No, a black man cannot have a beautiful place like this. 505 00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:39.089 You know, Wesley Snipes had a place like this, 506 00:27:39.160 --> 00:27:40.764 before he stopped doing his own taxes. 507 00:27:42.360 --> 00:27:43.486 How about some wine? 508 00:27:43.560 --> 00:27:44.686 Yes, please. 509 00:27:44.760 --> 00:27:45.761 Okay. 510 00:27:48.920 --> 00:27:51.366 Do you know why I brought you here, Hannah? 511 00:27:51.480 --> 00:27:53.687 I'm assuming to make sweet love. 512 00:27:53.760 --> 00:27:56.366 I don't make love. I fuck. 513 00:27:56.520 --> 00:27:58.488 Hard and quick. 514 00:27:59.000 --> 00:28:00.161 Really quick. 515 00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:03.563 It's like a Ronda Rousey fight. You blink and it's over. 516 00:28:04.080 --> 00:28:05.889 Okay. 517 00:28:06.000 --> 00:28:08.321 But first you're gonna have to sign 518 00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:09.686 a nondisclosure agreement. 519 00:28:10.040 --> 00:28:11.121 What's that? 520 00:28:11.200 --> 00:28:14.010 It's basically lawyer talk for "shut the fuck up." 521 00:28:14.320 --> 00:28:16.129 Come with me. I'll explain. 522 00:28:16.240 --> 00:28:17.401 A nondisclosure agreement 523 00:28:17.520 --> 00:28:20.490 protects both you and me, but mostly me. 524 00:28:26.080 --> 00:28:29.209 Behind this door is my playroom. 525 00:28:29.280 --> 00:28:31.408 You mean, like, for your PlayStation and stuff? 526 00:28:34.760 --> 00:28:36.728 Ooh. That's a nice key. 527 00:28:39.320 --> 00:28:40.606 So tight. 528 00:28:46.680 --> 00:28:50.082 Keyhole don't wanna open! You ready to get opened? 529 00:28:57.960 --> 00:29:01.487 Reload, man! Reload! I told you to reload! 530 00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:03.571 I'm an Xbox man myself. 531 00:29:03.640 --> 00:29:04.766 Oh, you next, Black! 532 00:29:04.840 --> 00:29:05.921 You don't want none of this. 533 00:29:06.000 --> 00:29:07.525 Yo, when you done with Wendy Williams over there, 534 00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:09.642 jump on this game so I can shoot you in the face! 535 00:29:09.760 --> 00:29:12.366 I'm gonna be honest with you, Christian. She's not attractive. 536 00:29:12.440 --> 00:29:14.090 Like, the bitch look like she got lupus. 537 00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:16.924 Well, you look like a thumb that's been yanked out of somebody's asshole. 538 00:29:17.000 --> 00:29:19.924 Oh! 539 00:29:22.760 --> 00:29:23.761 Slam dunk! 540 00:29:23.840 --> 00:29:24.841 That's crazy. That's crazy. 541 00:29:24.920 --> 00:29:26.524 Yeah, well, how about... Ha! 542 00:29:27.600 --> 00:29:29.250 - I got nothing. - 'Cause I'm better than you. 543 00:29:29.480 --> 00:29:30.925 Okay, well, I got something 544 00:29:31.000 --> 00:29:32.286 I really wanna show you. 545 00:29:32.400 --> 00:29:34.528 Oh, my God. It's not more broke niggas, is it? 546 00:29:34.600 --> 00:29:36.011 - No more broke niggas. - No offense. 547 00:29:36.080 --> 00:29:38.811 And don't worry about those ingrown hairs on your penis. 548 00:29:38.920 --> 00:29:40.126 We can't see them through your pants. 549 00:29:40.200 --> 00:29:41.804 Don't give her all the dick, bro. 550 00:29:41.880 --> 00:29:43.564 - She don't deserve it. - Half the dick. 551 00:29:43.640 --> 00:29:45.847 Over there fucking Charles Barkley. 552 00:30:16.960 --> 00:30:18.325 Fuck this shit! I'm out! 553 00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:22.121 Please, Ms. Steale. Just keep an open mind. 554 00:30:42.520 --> 00:30:44.522 Tantalizing. 555 00:30:51.800 --> 00:30:53.564 Got these from my grandma. 556 00:31:02.760 --> 00:31:04.683 You're a sick motherfucker. 557 00:31:04.800 --> 00:31:07.531 No, Bill Cosby's a sick motherfucker. 558 00:31:07.600 --> 00:31:08.726 I'm just a dominant. 559 00:31:08.800 --> 00:31:10.404 What does that have to do with me? 560 00:31:10.760 --> 00:31:14.401 I want you to give yourself to me sexually. 561 00:31:14.800 --> 00:31:18.282 Hence all the whips, chains and freaky sex toys. 562 00:31:19.120 --> 00:31:20.849 And what would I get out of it? 563 00:31:21.760 --> 00:31:22.761 Me. 564 00:31:25.840 --> 00:31:27.330 Oh, my God! 565 00:31:27.760 --> 00:31:30.331 - Ooh. Let me get this straight. - Mmm-hmm. 566 00:31:30.520 --> 00:31:33.490 So, you wanna beat me with these paddles... 567 00:31:33.560 --> 00:31:35.528 - Whip. - Whips. 568 00:31:35.640 --> 00:31:37.165 You wanna chain me to this rack... 569 00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:39.049 Eh... Handcuff. 570 00:31:39.160 --> 00:31:41.367 And humiliate me in unimaginable ways, 571 00:31:41.440 --> 00:31:43.886 and in exchange for all this torture, 572 00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:45.570 I get you? 573 00:31:46.080 --> 00:31:47.206 Yeah, that's correct. 574 00:31:47.320 --> 00:31:48.845 And women go for this? 575 00:31:49.240 --> 00:31:50.651 Some women. 576 00:31:52.160 --> 00:31:56.210 - It's like Disneyland for grown-ups. - Yeah. 577 00:31:56.840 --> 00:31:58.046 So, what do you think? 578 00:31:58.160 --> 00:32:00.561 I'm pretty much cool with anything, 579 00:32:00.680 --> 00:32:04.002 as long as you promise you won't tell my dad I fucked a black guy. 580 00:32:07.000 --> 00:32:09.162 So, what do you think? 581 00:32:10.000 --> 00:32:12.048 Two things. Where's the cup, 582 00:32:12.120 --> 00:32:13.849 and when do we eat shit? 583 00:32:17.680 --> 00:32:19.842 What we supposed to do in here? 584 00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:22.765 Well, I thought we'd start with a little bit of rope play. 585 00:32:23.360 --> 00:32:24.521 No! 586 00:32:25.200 --> 00:32:28.403 Okay, well, how about I just mount you to that rack over there and spank you? 587 00:32:28.520 --> 00:32:30.124 Hell to the no! 588 00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:33.201 Perhaps a little bit of flogging? 589 00:32:33.280 --> 00:32:36.011 I don't even know what the hell flogging means, 590 00:32:36.080 --> 00:32:38.128 so fuck to the no! 591 00:32:38.720 --> 00:32:40.722 Okay, well, what are we supposed to do then? 592 00:32:40.800 --> 00:32:43.485 You need to find Jesus! That's what you can do. 593 00:32:45.800 --> 00:32:48.121 Okay, here's how it goes. 594 00:32:48.200 --> 00:32:50.726 I've drafted a standard contract that lays out the terms. 595 00:32:51.080 --> 00:32:53.481 Lots of sex, we have more sex. 596 00:32:53.560 --> 00:32:55.562 Yadda-yadda, we end with sex. 597 00:32:56.040 --> 00:32:59.010 You look it over, and you negotiate what you're willing to do. 598 00:32:59.480 --> 00:33:02.404 I hate to throw a monkey wrench 599 00:33:02.480 --> 00:33:04.164 into the whole works here, 600 00:33:05.400 --> 00:33:06.481 but I... 601 00:33:06.560 --> 00:33:07.641 You have low self-esteem? 602 00:33:07.720 --> 00:33:09.484 No. I... 603 00:33:09.560 --> 00:33:11.449 You have daddy issues. 604 00:33:12.960 --> 00:33:14.166 No. 605 00:33:15.280 --> 00:33:17.328 What I'm trying to tell you is, I'm a... 606 00:33:19.600 --> 00:33:21.250 - A virgin? - Yeah. 607 00:33:22.520 --> 00:33:25.444 Man! I can't believe this! 608 00:33:26.280 --> 00:33:27.486 I don't understand! 609 00:33:27.600 --> 00:33:30.410 Okay, tell me you've done something. 610 00:33:30.480 --> 00:33:31.606 Blowjob? 611 00:33:31.800 --> 00:33:34.280 - Where does the blowing come in? - Finger pop? 612 00:33:34.360 --> 00:33:36.522 - No. - Angry panda? 613 00:33:36.600 --> 00:33:39.126 - Why is it angry? - Why did you ask that? 614 00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:42.843 Oh, my God! Okay, tell me you've done anal. 615 00:33:42.920 --> 00:33:44.160 I know how it goes. 616 00:33:44.280 --> 00:33:46.647 You let guys put it in your little rusty bullet hole 617 00:33:46.760 --> 00:33:49.520 so you can tell your mama and your pastor that you're still a virgin. 618 00:33:49.600 --> 00:33:51.250 I've just been waiting. 619 00:33:51.320 --> 00:33:52.651 For what? 620 00:33:52.720 --> 00:33:55.007 Girl, you are 20-something years old! 621 00:33:55.120 --> 00:33:57.805 It don't get no better. It's going to spoil! 622 00:33:58.120 --> 00:34:02.569 It's fermenting down there. Just fermenting. Okay? 623 00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:04.642 You gonna tell me nobody wanted the pussy? 624 00:34:05.120 --> 00:34:08.886 Well, I just am very selective about who I've wanted to... 625 00:34:08.960 --> 00:34:10.041 Oh, selective? 626 00:34:10.120 --> 00:34:13.449 Oh, that sound like something somebody with a pussy that nobody wanted would say. 627 00:34:13.520 --> 00:34:15.409 - Hey. - Don't get me wrong. 628 00:34:15.480 --> 00:34:18.290 I don't want it all worn out like an old washing machine belt 629 00:34:18.360 --> 00:34:21.648 or hanging like wet straps in a car wash 630 00:34:21.720 --> 00:34:25.645 or flapping around like an inflatable figure outside of a mattress store. 631 00:34:25.720 --> 00:34:28.007 But I want it to have some experience. 632 00:34:30.080 --> 00:34:31.366 Okay, look. 633 00:34:32.520 --> 00:34:35.364 We're gonna fix this situation. Right now. 634 00:34:36.760 --> 00:34:38.842 I've been waiting my whole life for this. 635 00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:41.240 Come on. 636 00:34:41.320 --> 00:34:42.481 Yes! 637 00:34:56.280 --> 00:34:58.408 Oh... Very... 638 00:34:59.000 --> 00:35:00.490 Very Sasquatch of you. 639 00:35:00.560 --> 00:35:02.688 Have you never had sex with a virgin before? 640 00:35:02.760 --> 00:35:04.125 Not a hairy one. 641 00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:13.650 Ow! You nicked me! 642 00:35:13.720 --> 00:35:14.721 Shh... 643 00:35:20.360 --> 00:35:22.044 What the hell? 644 00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:24.882 Oh, yeah, I have an outie. 645 00:35:27.640 --> 00:35:29.165 Oh, wow! 646 00:35:29.960 --> 00:35:31.086 Whoa! 647 00:35:31.360 --> 00:35:32.691 That got flavor! 648 00:35:33.560 --> 00:35:36.609 - What? - You're the first person who's seen it. 649 00:35:36.720 --> 00:35:38.404 Little Eskimo kisses? 650 00:35:40.240 --> 00:35:42.891 Ooh, I never had anyone do that to it before. 651 00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:47.247 - Ooh! Watch the teeth! - Sorry. 652 00:36:03.000 --> 00:36:04.331 Got him. 653 00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:06.411 Okay. 654 00:36:20.760 --> 00:36:22.444 Sorry. I didn't have time to shower. 655 00:36:22.520 --> 00:36:23.601 Shit! 656 00:36:39.480 --> 00:36:40.481 Thank you. 657 00:36:42.160 --> 00:36:43.491 Ooh! 658 00:36:45.040 --> 00:36:46.963 Okay. You ready? 659 00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:49.806 I'm gonna take you to a whole 'nother galaxy! 660 00:36:49.880 --> 00:36:51.530 Oh, my God, I'm coming! 661 00:36:54.040 --> 00:36:56.520 Oh, God! 662 00:36:59.560 --> 00:37:02.848 God! God! God! God! 663 00:37:03.720 --> 00:37:05.324 - Whoo! - Already? 664 00:37:07.800 --> 00:37:09.131 Oh, that was amazing. 665 00:37:09.640 --> 00:37:12.246 Really? I guess I was expecting something 666 00:37:12.800 --> 00:37:14.086 different. 667 00:37:14.320 --> 00:37:16.561 Don't worry about it. It's your first time. Don't sweat it. 668 00:37:17.320 --> 00:37:20.130 You'll get better with experience. Just keep working on it. 669 00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:24.046 Oh, you know, it's customary for a woman 670 00:37:24.160 --> 00:37:25.810 to make a man an oversized sandwich 671 00:37:25.880 --> 00:37:27.166 to help him regain his strength. 672 00:37:27.480 --> 00:37:30.882 Either that or some leftover pizza, or maybe a Hot Pocket. 673 00:37:31.000 --> 00:37:33.002 You want me to make you a Hot Pocket now? 674 00:37:33.280 --> 00:37:35.203 I don't make the rules, I'm just telling you. 675 00:37:36.080 --> 00:37:37.809 You got a lot to learn, kid. 676 00:37:38.720 --> 00:37:39.767 Mmm... 677 00:37:43.520 --> 00:37:45.090 Are you asleep already? 678 00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:47.365 Nigga! 679 00:37:47.440 --> 00:37:48.566 Ugh! 680 00:38:16.120 --> 00:38:17.565 Christian? 681 00:38:19.400 --> 00:38:21.050 - Christian! - Oh, shit! 682 00:38:21.120 --> 00:38:22.246 Who the fuck is that? 683 00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:24.289 My mother. 684 00:38:24.440 --> 00:38:26.602 Oh! 685 00:38:27.560 --> 00:38:28.686 Great. 686 00:38:28.760 --> 00:38:31.889 Now I gotta get rid of two crazy bitches. Fuck. 687 00:38:33.440 --> 00:38:34.885 Mother! 688 00:38:35.040 --> 00:38:37.088 - Ah, Christian. - Hello. 689 00:38:37.240 --> 00:38:40.084 Oh, you better get dressed, or we're gonna be late for the regatta. 690 00:38:40.160 --> 00:38:41.969 I forgot that was today. 691 00:38:42.080 --> 00:38:43.570 You're not doing crack again, are you? 692 00:38:43.600 --> 00:38:45.329 - No, Mother. - I never raised you that way. 693 00:38:45.400 --> 00:38:48.324 However, it is a prominent trait in your genealogical pool. 694 00:38:48.400 --> 00:38:49.526 Hello. 695 00:38:49.600 --> 00:38:51.762 I'm standing my ground! I'm standing my ground! 696 00:38:53.920 --> 00:38:55.251 Oh, shit! 697 00:38:55.320 --> 00:38:58.164 Mother, what're you doing? That's Hannah Steale! 698 00:38:59.600 --> 00:39:01.250 How many times I gotta tell you? Black lives matter. 699 00:39:01.320 --> 00:39:02.810 Come on, let's get you up. 700 00:39:05.440 --> 00:39:07.522 - Hannah, this is my mother, Claire. - Oh. 701 00:39:08.920 --> 00:39:11.400 I am so sorry, Hannah. 702 00:39:12.960 --> 00:39:14.485 Oh, my, you have beautiful breasts. 703 00:39:14.600 --> 00:39:16.489 I would've thought they'd be more droopy, 704 00:39:16.600 --> 00:39:18.443 like a sock with a rock in the toe, 705 00:39:18.520 --> 00:39:20.807 like in those National Geographic magazines. 706 00:39:22.320 --> 00:39:24.084 You're gonna have to forgive my mother's behavior. 707 00:39:24.160 --> 00:39:28.210 Sometimes she can be factually inaccurate and quite racist. 708 00:39:28.280 --> 00:39:30.169 Do not apologize for me, Christian. 709 00:39:30.240 --> 00:39:31.730 I am your mother, and I love you 710 00:39:31.800 --> 00:39:33.529 like you were my own white child. 711 00:39:33.640 --> 00:39:35.642 But I still hide my wallet at night, just in case. 712 00:39:35.720 --> 00:39:37.210 As you should, Mother. 713 00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:39.328 It is awesome to meet you. 714 00:39:40.480 --> 00:39:43.768 - Are you two dating? - Oh, no, Mother, we're not dating. 715 00:39:43.840 --> 00:39:45.524 We're just fucking. Hard. 716 00:39:45.640 --> 00:39:47.927 And quick. Apparently, it's the best way. 717 00:39:48.480 --> 00:39:51.563 Well, I just can't tell you how pleased I am to meet you, Hannah. 718 00:39:51.640 --> 00:39:55.247 I mean, you're the first woman I've seen Christian with. 719 00:39:55.320 --> 00:39:56.810 I assumed that he was... 720 00:39:57.360 --> 00:40:00.204 What would Oprah say? "On the DL?" 721 00:40:02.320 --> 00:40:03.321 Christian, you can do so much better. 722 00:40:03.400 --> 00:40:04.447 Oh, Mother. 723 00:40:04.520 --> 00:40:06.170 You're one of the richest, most handsome men in the world. 724 00:40:06.240 --> 00:40:07.480 You could date white women. 725 00:40:07.560 --> 00:40:09.085 Like Tiger Woods and Seal. 726 00:40:09.160 --> 00:40:10.969 Okay, it's time for you to go, Mother. 727 00:40:11.040 --> 00:40:15.170 Or like Taye Diggs or Quincy Jones. Or even Ice-T. 728 00:40:15.480 --> 00:40:19.451 Hannah, Christian's Chinese sister, Mai, has come to town, 729 00:40:19.560 --> 00:40:22.326 so we're gonna hide the cats and have the family over for dinner. 730 00:40:22.440 --> 00:40:24.442 - You should come. - I'd be delighted. 731 00:40:24.520 --> 00:40:25.806 It was really nice to meet you. 732 00:40:25.880 --> 00:40:27.689 Okay, great. Time to go, Mom. 733 00:40:29.200 --> 00:40:30.247 Oh... 734 00:40:30.560 --> 00:40:32.562 Now, where is my wallet? 735 00:40:32.640 --> 00:40:34.369 Still there. 736 00:40:34.440 --> 00:40:36.169 - You just never know. - Yeah. 737 00:40:37.720 --> 00:40:38.767 Mmm... 738 00:40:38.840 --> 00:40:40.683 They're delicious. Mmm. 739 00:40:41.200 --> 00:40:42.247 All right. 740 00:40:43.920 --> 00:40:45.809 We had breakfast. Time to go. 741 00:40:45.920 --> 00:40:48.366 Ooh, look, your Uber's here. All right. 742 00:40:52.600 --> 00:40:54.204 Okay, what? 743 00:40:55.520 --> 00:40:56.567 Spit it out. 744 00:40:57.040 --> 00:40:59.088 Well, how did you get into this whole 745 00:40:59.200 --> 00:41:01.362 dominant-submissive thing? 746 00:41:02.400 --> 00:41:04.687 It was one of my mother's really close friends, 747 00:41:04.760 --> 00:41:06.444 and my music teacher. 748 00:41:07.200 --> 00:41:08.804 I was 16. 749 00:41:10.320 --> 00:41:11.560 She was older. 750 00:41:21.400 --> 00:41:24.006 Don't look so nervous, Christian. 751 00:41:24.080 --> 00:41:28.847 All I ask is that you do your very best. 752 00:41:29.200 --> 00:41:31.931 I thought I was supposed to be here for music lessons. 753 00:41:32.920 --> 00:41:34.570 Baby, you are. 754 00:41:34.640 --> 00:41:39.089 And your lesson starts right here. 755 00:41:42.640 --> 00:41:44.642 Hey, hey. Ooh. Snap. 756 00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:46.729 We got a regular John Holmes here, 757 00:41:47.640 --> 00:41:49.483 without the big dick and the stamina! 758 00:41:49.680 --> 00:41:52.923 Okay! Again! One, two, three! 759 00:41:53.080 --> 00:41:54.650 Ow! 760 00:41:54.720 --> 00:41:57.206 Do you know why I hit you in the head with that tambourine, Black? 761 00:41:57.280 --> 00:41:58.486 I have no idea. 762 00:41:58.560 --> 00:42:00.210 Well, were you rushing or were you dragging? 763 00:42:00.360 --> 00:42:01.805 I... I thought I was fucking. 764 00:42:01.880 --> 00:42:04.121 Oh! That wasn't fucking! 765 00:42:04.920 --> 00:42:06.604 Now, count off. 766 00:42:07.440 --> 00:42:08.965 One, two... 767 00:42:09.280 --> 00:42:11.169 Was I rushing or was I dragging? 768 00:42:11.280 --> 00:42:13.567 - Answer the question! - You were rushing! 769 00:42:13.960 --> 00:42:17.203 Is that a tear? Oh! Poor little guy. 770 00:42:17.280 --> 00:42:19.567 - Are you upset? - I'm upset. 771 00:42:19.680 --> 00:42:24.208 You worthless, adopted, unloved little piece of shit! 772 00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:29.408 Weeping and slobbering over my vagina like a 9-year-old girl! 773 00:42:29.480 --> 00:42:31.767 Now, for the last father-fucking time, 774 00:42:32.080 --> 00:42:34.924 - say it louder so I can hear it! - I'm upset! 775 00:42:35.000 --> 00:42:37.765 Oh, Black, get off the bed! You make me sick. 776 00:42:37.840 --> 00:42:39.888 - But I'm upset. - Get off the bed! 777 00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:43.163 - You're not ready for this! - I'm ready! 778 00:42:43.240 --> 00:42:44.401 Ugh! 779 00:42:44.560 --> 00:42:46.608 Willy? Willy, you're up next. 780 00:42:47.360 --> 00:42:48.407 Willy? 781 00:42:48.480 --> 00:42:50.528 You better get your shit together, Black! 782 00:42:50.600 --> 00:42:53.331 You're not gonna amount to anything, sexually or musically. 783 00:42:53.400 --> 00:42:54.890 And you know what the biggest 784 00:42:54.960 --> 00:42:56.803 disappointment of all is to me? 785 00:42:57.000 --> 00:43:00.846 I thought all you black men had rhythm and a big dick! 786 00:43:01.320 --> 00:43:03.209 Boy, was I mistaken! 787 00:43:04.400 --> 00:43:06.129 I have rhythm! 788 00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:11.651 You're all set, Ms. Steale. Courtesy of Mr. Black. 789 00:43:14.920 --> 00:43:16.046 What the heck? 790 00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:22.446 What is that? Is that a drone? 791 00:43:23.320 --> 00:43:25.004 All right, just sign here. 792 00:43:28.320 --> 00:43:30.322 Thank you very much. 793 00:43:36.040 --> 00:43:38.441 Ooh, girl, another gift? 794 00:43:38.760 --> 00:43:41.127 Damn, you must be giving that bomb head! 795 00:43:41.840 --> 00:43:45.322 Wait a minute, is that a Retina display MacBook Pro? 796 00:43:45.400 --> 00:43:47.289 Bitch, you lickin' that butthole! 797 00:43:47.360 --> 00:43:48.805 I didn't lick a butthole! 798 00:43:48.880 --> 00:43:50.291 Shit, you lucky, girl. 799 00:43:50.360 --> 00:43:54.126 Like, I licked six buttholes last week! I got a Dell! 800 00:43:54.760 --> 00:43:56.046 Desktop! 801 00:43:56.120 --> 00:43:58.043 I can't take that shit anywhere, girl. 802 00:43:58.320 --> 00:43:59.481 Hey, the mail come already? 803 00:43:59.560 --> 00:44:00.721 No. 804 00:44:00.800 --> 00:44:04.964 It's just a weird sex contract Christian wants me to sign. 805 00:44:05.040 --> 00:44:09.125 You sign that, but then you get that paper, boo, all right? 806 00:44:09.200 --> 00:44:13.205 A bitch gotta get hers. You keep licking that bootie, okay? 807 00:44:48.320 --> 00:44:50.402 We're done? 808 00:44:50.720 --> 00:44:52.722 - Wha... - Yeah, I read your text. 809 00:44:52.800 --> 00:44:55.201 Wow face, sparkly diamond, poop? 810 00:44:55.280 --> 00:44:56.361 Like, what does that even mean? 811 00:44:56.440 --> 00:44:58.204 You got me all fucked up with your emojis, like... 812 00:44:58.280 --> 00:44:59.520 Hey, how did you get in here? 813 00:44:59.600 --> 00:45:01.045 Does it matter? 814 00:45:01.120 --> 00:45:04.044 Yes, actually it does matter, because you don't live here and you don't have a key. 815 00:45:04.120 --> 00:45:08.489 You don't need a key to get in a hamper, Hannah. 816 00:45:08.640 --> 00:45:10.449 Here, now, help me outta here. 817 00:45:11.200 --> 00:45:14.090 You're lucky I wasn't in your medicine cabinet, 818 00:45:14.200 --> 00:45:15.850 or your jewelry box. 819 00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:17.081 I tried to hide in your nightstand, 820 00:45:17.160 --> 00:45:19.162 but you had this Gideon Bible in there and I couldn't fit. 821 00:45:20.640 --> 00:45:23.007 Wait a minute, did you break in through that window? 822 00:45:23.080 --> 00:45:24.047 This one? 823 00:45:24.120 --> 00:45:25.849 Oh, no, that could've been anybody. 824 00:45:26.320 --> 00:45:29.608 The brick on the ground says "Property of Christian Black." 825 00:45:29.680 --> 00:45:31.205 "Christian..." 826 00:45:31.280 --> 00:45:33.647 Yeah, yeah, it does. 827 00:45:34.040 --> 00:45:36.964 But, I mean, that could belong to any black Christian, right? 828 00:45:37.040 --> 00:45:38.280 I mean, okay, shh... 829 00:45:39.240 --> 00:45:42.130 Enough with the interrogation. 830 00:45:43.440 --> 00:45:44.726 Come here. 831 00:46:17.640 --> 00:46:20.371 Do not move, 832 00:46:21.160 --> 00:46:23.891 or I'll be forced to punish you. 833 00:46:39.720 --> 00:46:41.051 I said don't move! 834 00:46:41.120 --> 00:46:42.121 Okay. 835 00:46:42.720 --> 00:46:43.721 Ooh! 836 00:46:43.800 --> 00:46:47.327 That feels weird. What is that? It's so hairy. 837 00:46:56.760 --> 00:46:58.922 Yeah! Yes! 838 00:46:59.000 --> 00:47:01.526 Wait, wait, wait, don't move. Don't, don't... 839 00:47:13.360 --> 00:47:15.089 Damn it, that shit was cold! 840 00:47:19.560 --> 00:47:20.607 Are you ready, Ms. Steale? 841 00:47:20.680 --> 00:47:21.761 Yes, Christian. 842 00:47:30.280 --> 00:47:31.327 Ooh! 843 00:47:31.400 --> 00:47:32.845 You brought a condom, right? 844 00:47:33.600 --> 00:47:36.285 - A condom? - Yeah. 845 00:47:36.360 --> 00:47:38.124 Oh... Okay. Yeah, of course! 846 00:47:38.200 --> 00:47:40.362 Of course I got a condom. Hold on one second. 847 00:47:40.600 --> 00:47:41.840 God damn it! 848 00:47:42.240 --> 00:47:45.687 Just knowing you care enough to use protection excites me. 849 00:47:45.800 --> 00:47:47.404 Aha! Old trusty dusty! 850 00:47:51.040 --> 00:47:52.963 "March, 1982?" Aw, hell no. 851 00:47:53.760 --> 00:47:55.808 Yeah, I got one right here! Found it! 852 00:47:56.840 --> 00:47:59.411 Here, let me open it up so you can hear it. 853 00:48:05.920 --> 00:48:07.490 Okay. 854 00:48:07.560 --> 00:48:11.121 I'm just gonna scoot these little bad boys to the side. 855 00:48:11.480 --> 00:48:14.245 Oh! And then I'm gonna park this right there. 856 00:48:14.720 --> 00:48:16.882 Oh, my God, it feels so natural. 857 00:48:16.960 --> 00:48:19.201 It's like you're not wearing anything at all! 858 00:48:19.280 --> 00:48:21.089 It's lambskin foreskin. 859 00:48:23.760 --> 00:48:25.364 - Oh! Just relax. - What? 860 00:48:25.440 --> 00:48:26.601 No, not you. Now I'm talking to myself. 861 00:48:29.840 --> 00:48:31.763 Okay? Oh... Ready? 862 00:48:38.840 --> 00:48:40.683 That was like two strokes! 863 00:48:42.240 --> 00:48:44.447 This nigga's back here settin' records! 864 00:48:44.520 --> 00:48:46.682 They gonna put me on a Wheaties box! Oh! 865 00:48:46.760 --> 00:48:48.364 Thank God you're wearing a condom. 866 00:48:48.640 --> 00:48:51.007 I know, 'cause, boy, 867 00:48:51.080 --> 00:48:52.969 we wouldn't want to get you pregnant, right? 868 00:48:53.040 --> 00:48:56.408 I know. I'm not even taking any birth control and I'm ovulating. 869 00:48:56.480 --> 00:48:58.323 Did I tell you that twins run in my family? 870 00:48:58.400 --> 00:48:59.526 Twins? 871 00:48:59.600 --> 00:49:01.090 My sister had sextuplets. 872 00:49:01.160 --> 00:49:02.161 Sextu... 873 00:49:03.440 --> 00:49:07.081 Oh, really? Let me just get an after-sex mint. 874 00:49:07.960 --> 00:49:09.405 Here, Hannah, here. 875 00:49:09.480 --> 00:49:11.323 Have one of these. Here you go. 876 00:49:11.400 --> 00:49:12.606 Yeah. 877 00:49:12.720 --> 00:49:14.688 - Ugh! It tastes weird. - All done? 878 00:49:14.760 --> 00:49:15.886 Ah! 879 00:49:16.560 --> 00:49:18.722 Good girl. Phew! 880 00:49:58.200 --> 00:49:59.611 Shall we begin, Ms. Steale? 881 00:49:59.920 --> 00:50:02.241 Page one, paragraph one. 882 00:50:02.840 --> 00:50:04.251 This must change! 883 00:50:05.360 --> 00:50:06.725 There's a typo in the header. 884 00:50:08.920 --> 00:50:09.967 That's it? 885 00:50:10.040 --> 00:50:12.964 Mr. Black, I will end this negotiation right now! 886 00:50:13.760 --> 00:50:15.649 My apologies. 887 00:50:16.400 --> 00:50:18.243 Page four, section 13-20. 888 00:50:18.520 --> 00:50:20.841 With regards to anal fisting... 889 00:50:21.200 --> 00:50:23.680 - Is there a problem? - Absolutely not. 890 00:50:24.920 --> 00:50:26.445 And strike out vaginal fisting. 891 00:50:26.520 --> 00:50:27.726 I mean, if you're gonna do anal, 892 00:50:27.800 --> 00:50:30.690 you're obviously gonna have vaginal fisting. I mean, it's a given. 893 00:50:30.760 --> 00:50:32.285 Oh, for sure. I will put that... 894 00:50:32.360 --> 00:50:34.442 I'm putting that in there in bold. 895 00:50:34.520 --> 00:50:38.889 Next page, sex toys. "Are they acceptable to the submissive?" 896 00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:42.967 Dildos, I guess. Butt plugs, fine. 897 00:50:43.160 --> 00:50:44.321 - Fuck yeah! - Whoa, whoa, whoa... 898 00:50:44.400 --> 00:50:45.526 How did this slip through the cracks? 899 00:50:45.600 --> 00:50:46.726 What's with the genital clamps? 900 00:50:46.800 --> 00:50:48.802 Sorry, Ms. Steale, I... 901 00:50:48.880 --> 00:50:50.769 I can't seem to find those in my... 902 00:50:50.840 --> 00:50:52.968 Because you forgot to put them in there. 903 00:50:53.920 --> 00:50:55.490 Rookie move, Mr. Black. 904 00:50:56.320 --> 00:50:57.606 Silly me. 905 00:51:05.120 --> 00:51:08.602 Let's be clear. I will not share you with another woman. 906 00:51:10.080 --> 00:51:12.321 - I require at least two or three. - Five. 907 00:51:12.400 --> 00:51:14.129 - Seven. - Seven it is. 908 00:51:14.240 --> 00:51:16.481 You're not gonna shortchange me, Mr. Black. 909 00:51:16.640 --> 00:51:18.802 You drive a hard bargain, Ms. Steale. 910 00:51:19.240 --> 00:51:21.163 - Thank you. - You know, Ms. Steale, 911 00:51:21.240 --> 00:51:23.527 I'd like to fuck you into the middle of next month. 912 00:51:23.920 --> 00:51:26.082 Silly. You couldn't fuck me 913 00:51:26.160 --> 00:51:27.889 into the middle of the next minute. 914 00:51:27.960 --> 00:51:29.849 I'll fuck you into a different galaxy. 915 00:51:29.920 --> 00:51:32.082 You'll be like, "Oh, shit, it's cold in Pluto!" 916 00:51:32.160 --> 00:51:34.686 Yeah, well, I'm gonna fuck you at the Stephen Hawking exhibit. 917 00:51:34.760 --> 00:51:38.447 And I'm gonna ram your ass so hard that I cause a tear in the time-space continuum. 918 00:51:38.520 --> 00:51:41.325 I'll fuck you through slavery times, and you'll get your freedom papers. 919 00:51:41.480 --> 00:51:44.765 Yeah, well, I'm gonna rent me a DeLorean and fuck you back to the future. 920 00:51:44.840 --> 00:51:48.005 I'll fuck you into a whole 'nother planet, where that insect is from Men in Black. 921 00:51:48.080 --> 00:51:50.367 You'll be like, "Oh, shit! How many times you fuck me?" 922 00:51:50.440 --> 00:51:52.966 Three million, 746 hundred million times. 923 00:51:53.040 --> 00:51:54.087 And you'd be like, "Why?" 924 00:51:54.160 --> 00:51:56.162 And I'd be like, "Shut up," and I hit you with the neuron, like... 925 00:51:58.680 --> 00:52:00.045 You'd be like, 926 00:52:00.880 --> 00:52:03.645 "Oh, my God, why is my vagina so sore?" 927 00:52:03.720 --> 00:52:05.768 And I'd be like, "You fell." 928 00:52:06.640 --> 00:52:08.802 Well played, Mr. Black. 929 00:52:08.880 --> 00:52:10.041 I've done this before. 930 00:52:12.320 --> 00:52:15.164 And he's a major beneficiary of our university. 931 00:52:15.240 --> 00:52:18.130 Interestingly enough, he donates all cash. 932 00:52:18.720 --> 00:52:22.008 Usually in ones, fives, twenties, 933 00:52:22.080 --> 00:52:25.243 the odd rolled-up $100 bill that's got a little bit of powder on it. 934 00:52:25.600 --> 00:52:28.251 Please welcome Mr. Christian Black. 935 00:52:32.560 --> 00:52:35.291 What you talkin' 'bout my business, huh? Don't get cut. 936 00:52:38.240 --> 00:52:41.961 Thank you. Let's talk about life and your purpose. 937 00:52:42.560 --> 00:52:47.327 You all spent four hard years in this school getting your diploma, 938 00:52:47.400 --> 00:52:50.529 putting your parents in debt, 939 00:52:50.600 --> 00:52:51.601 for what? 940 00:52:52.040 --> 00:52:56.250 Between global warming and the world economy crashing, 941 00:52:56.360 --> 00:52:59.204 I don't even know why you're trying to better yourselves. 942 00:52:59.320 --> 00:53:02.449 Give up hope! Think about it. 943 00:53:02.520 --> 00:53:04.443 You are wasting time. 944 00:53:04.560 --> 00:53:07.291 You. You're a drug addict waiting to happen. 945 00:53:07.360 --> 00:53:10.569 Look at you. You can't wait to get outta here and smoke some weed. 946 00:53:10.640 --> 00:53:13.291 And you! You are a stripper! 947 00:53:13.640 --> 00:53:16.246 Your ass is twerkin' as I'm sitting here talking. 948 00:53:16.320 --> 00:53:18.084 You can find the rhythm in anything. 949 00:53:18.320 --> 00:53:19.401 And you, sir. 950 00:53:19.720 --> 00:53:22.644 Well, you're white. You'll be fine. 951 00:53:23.320 --> 00:53:25.687 So, in closing, I would like to say, 952 00:53:26.240 --> 00:53:29.687 "Thank God I'm not you." 953 00:53:31.200 --> 00:53:33.965 - Kateesha! Oh, my God, we did it! - Girl! 954 00:53:34.040 --> 00:53:35.246 I'm so proud of you. 955 00:53:35.320 --> 00:53:37.288 Who you telling? I was close, girl. 956 00:53:37.400 --> 00:53:41.928 I was one handjob away from losing valedictorian to that bitch, 957 00:53:42.000 --> 00:53:43.570 Lindsey Hung, right? 958 00:53:43.640 --> 00:53:45.404 - What are you talking... - Shut up. 959 00:53:45.920 --> 00:53:47.649 I see that bitch, she talkin' shit. 960 00:53:48.200 --> 00:53:49.565 She gonna need a gynecologist 961 00:53:49.640 --> 00:53:51.927 when I'm done fucking that bitch up! All right! 962 00:53:52.120 --> 00:53:53.565 Girl, I'll see you later. 963 00:53:53.640 --> 00:53:55.210 I'mma go punch a bitch in the throat. 964 00:53:55.400 --> 00:53:57.402 Lindsey! You bilingual bitch! 965 00:53:57.600 --> 00:53:58.886 So proud of you. 966 00:53:59.720 --> 00:54:00.846 Hannah! 967 00:54:00.920 --> 00:54:01.921 Dad! 968 00:54:03.240 --> 00:54:04.651 I'm so happy to see you. 969 00:54:04.760 --> 00:54:06.967 Oh! I'm so proud of you. 970 00:54:07.200 --> 00:54:09.487 You know, I thought you'd turn out not to be shit. 971 00:54:09.640 --> 00:54:11.244 But you ended up looking real good, 972 00:54:11.320 --> 00:54:13.084 being that you from a drunken whore. 973 00:54:13.160 --> 00:54:16.289 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, your mama's over at the rehab. 974 00:54:16.360 --> 00:54:18.442 Twenty-seven times is the fucking charm. 975 00:54:18.560 --> 00:54:20.483 - Isn't it? - Yeah, it's the fucking charm. 976 00:54:20.560 --> 00:54:21.925 Hey, where are my other stepdads? 977 00:54:22.000 --> 00:54:23.604 Right over there. 978 00:54:24.800 --> 00:54:26.848 Jonny Quest, B. B. King. 979 00:54:26.920 --> 00:54:28.604 I don't know who that nigga is with his shirt off. 980 00:54:28.680 --> 00:54:30.364 That must be your birth daddy. 981 00:54:30.640 --> 00:54:33.530 Yeah, it's all good. What a great bunch of guys. 982 00:54:33.720 --> 00:54:36.405 And you know the old saying, "It takes a village." 983 00:54:36.480 --> 00:54:38.608 And it's true. Especially when it comes 984 00:54:38.680 --> 00:54:40.205 to your mom being a gutter slut 985 00:54:40.600 --> 00:54:42.409 and the village is a gangbang. 986 00:54:43.640 --> 00:54:45.847 - The village is a gangbang. - Hannah! 987 00:54:46.720 --> 00:54:47.846 Hi! 988 00:54:48.440 --> 00:54:50.169 Hey, hey, hey, hold up, player! 989 00:54:50.240 --> 00:54:52.447 Shit, how you gonna walk up and kiss the girl that I raised? 990 00:54:52.520 --> 00:54:53.931 What kind of shit is this? 991 00:54:54.000 --> 00:54:57.209 Ron, this is my boyfriend, Christian Black. 992 00:54:57.720 --> 00:54:58.926 Boyfriend! 993 00:54:59.000 --> 00:55:01.846 Ron, to be honest with you, I just fucked her a few times. 994 00:55:02.280 --> 00:55:05.124 "Boyfriend" makes it sound serious, like I went raw. 995 00:55:05.200 --> 00:55:06.645 I mean, I might've dipped, but... 996 00:55:06.720 --> 00:55:08.131 Are you thinkin' about marrying her? 997 00:55:08.240 --> 00:55:09.321 No. 998 00:55:09.400 --> 00:55:10.561 What if she get pregnant? 999 00:55:10.640 --> 00:55:13.007 Still no, but hell no. 1000 00:55:16.080 --> 00:55:17.320 I like this fella! 1001 00:55:18.480 --> 00:55:19.970 I like this nigga right here. 1002 00:55:20.040 --> 00:55:21.326 I fucks with your stepdad. 1003 00:55:21.400 --> 00:55:24.285 You know what, from player to player, Black, I really like you, man. 1004 00:55:24.360 --> 00:55:27.204 - You can fuck anybody you wanna fuck. - Thank you. 1005 00:55:27.280 --> 00:55:30.682 Yeah, just don't pass her around like we did her mama. 1006 00:55:30.760 --> 00:55:32.762 - That's all I ask you to do. - Yes, sir, out of respect. 1007 00:55:32.840 --> 00:55:34.763 We passed her mama around like a baton, man. 1008 00:55:34.840 --> 00:55:35.887 Yeah. 1009 00:55:35.960 --> 00:55:37.371 You never told me that about your mother. 1010 00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:39.681 Your mother fucked everybody in the neighborhood, 1011 00:55:39.760 --> 00:55:42.161 and then wanted to settle down with me, and I went for it. 1012 00:55:42.240 --> 00:55:43.730 You know what, I gotta hang out with you, man, 1013 00:55:43.800 --> 00:55:45.768 get your knowledge, man, 'cause you got a lot of wisdom. 1014 00:55:45.840 --> 00:55:48.161 I got a lot of wisdom and I been through a lot, 1015 00:55:48.280 --> 00:55:49.805 and I done been with a lot of hos 1016 00:55:49.880 --> 00:55:52.929 and the smells that's on my fingers 1017 00:55:53.120 --> 00:55:54.804 - over all the years... - Oh, shit! What! 1018 00:55:54.880 --> 00:55:57.247 - Still there. Never went away. - Oh! Damn! 1019 00:55:57.680 --> 00:56:00.604 Wow, sir! I smelled every last single one of them! 1020 00:56:00.680 --> 00:56:01.761 Yes, man. 1021 00:56:01.840 --> 00:56:04.730 It was like beautiful and horrible at the same time. 1022 00:56:04.840 --> 00:56:06.888 I've stuck my hands in some of 1023 00:56:06.960 --> 00:56:09.361 the nastiest bitches' pants all over the world. 1024 00:56:09.440 --> 00:56:10.487 Really? 1025 00:56:10.560 --> 00:56:13.404 - Asia, Malaysia, Congo. - Hmm. 1026 00:56:13.880 --> 00:56:15.530 That's Dubai right there. 1027 00:56:15.640 --> 00:56:17.324 Wow, I smell the hair. 1028 00:56:17.560 --> 00:56:19.961 Touched a bitch's booty hole in Dubai at the airport. 1029 00:56:20.040 --> 00:56:22.202 I bet you could probably spit a lot of game to me, my nigga. 1030 00:56:22.280 --> 00:56:24.846 Let's take a picture, let me get a picture of me and you. Make it a selfie. 1031 00:56:24.920 --> 00:56:26.046 No, no, baby. Just me and him. 1032 00:56:26.120 --> 00:56:28.726 Ready? One, two, three. Nigga! 1033 00:56:33.400 --> 00:56:34.731 Where are we going? 1034 00:56:36.960 --> 00:56:38.086 Congratulations, Hannah. 1035 00:56:38.160 --> 00:56:39.810 That's a car. 1036 00:56:40.280 --> 00:56:41.611 With a broken window? 1037 00:56:41.680 --> 00:56:42.920 Do you like it? 1038 00:56:46.120 --> 00:56:49.408 Yeah. It's nice. 1039 00:56:49.480 --> 00:56:51.209 You know what I went through to steal this car? 1040 00:56:52.320 --> 00:56:55.085 I mean... The car was a steal. 1041 00:56:56.960 --> 00:56:58.883 - Did you just roll your eyes at me? - No. 1042 00:56:59.000 --> 00:57:00.684 Listen, there's only two things I hate, 1043 00:57:00.840 --> 00:57:03.207 when you roll your eyes at me and Craisins. 1044 00:57:03.600 --> 00:57:07.810 Like, what is a Craisin? It's not a cranberry, it's not a raisin. 1045 00:57:07.880 --> 00:57:09.530 Like, it doesn't even make sense. 1046 00:57:10.720 --> 00:57:13.246 - You just rolled your eyes at me again! - No, I didn't. 1047 00:57:13.320 --> 00:57:15.288 Yes, you did. I have it on tape. 1048 00:57:15.360 --> 00:57:16.771 Check this out. Look at this. 1049 00:57:18.960 --> 00:57:21.850 Oh, what's she doing? She's rolling her eye. Look at that. 1050 00:57:22.800 --> 00:57:24.962 - How did you do that? - Come on, you, with me, now. 1051 00:57:25.040 --> 00:57:26.087 But... 1052 00:57:26.160 --> 00:57:28.401 Teach you a little lesson about rolling your eyes. Come on. 1053 00:57:32.840 --> 00:57:33.841 Oh. 1054 00:57:35.000 --> 00:57:37.321 Now, do you know why I'm gonna punish you? 1055 00:57:37.560 --> 00:57:40.040 Because you're a sicko who likes abusing women. 1056 00:57:40.360 --> 00:57:43.569 While there may be some truth to that, that's not the reason. 1057 00:57:44.320 --> 00:57:46.004 Because I rolled my eyes. 1058 00:57:46.080 --> 00:57:47.161 Bingo. 1059 00:57:49.720 --> 00:57:50.721 Oh! 1060 00:57:53.400 --> 00:57:57.883 This is gonna hurt you a whole lot more than it's gonna hurt me. 1061 00:58:01.240 --> 00:58:04.084 Ha! 1062 00:58:04.280 --> 00:58:06.487 Welcome to my world. 1063 00:58:07.480 --> 00:58:10.165 Oh, God! Fuck! 1064 00:58:10.720 --> 00:58:12.882 Ooh, that hurt! Oh! 1065 00:58:13.240 --> 00:58:14.446 Did you do it? 1066 00:58:14.560 --> 00:58:16.927 Ow. 1067 00:58:17.200 --> 00:58:19.851 Okay, 15 across, "winter beverage." 1068 00:58:19.920 --> 00:58:22.082 Nothing? You don't feel nothing? 1069 00:58:22.960 --> 00:58:24.246 I love knitting. 1070 00:58:30.560 --> 00:58:33.609 Are you gonna spank me? All this build-up is getting boring. 1071 00:58:33.680 --> 00:58:35.364 Okay, okay, you wanna play? 1072 00:58:35.440 --> 00:58:37.044 Oh, I got something for you. 1073 00:58:37.120 --> 00:58:38.246 Excuse me. 1074 00:58:40.760 --> 00:58:44.162 Enough of your games. It's about to get real dark in here. 1075 00:58:44.240 --> 00:58:45.321 Sure. 1076 00:58:47.720 --> 00:58:49.370 Are you gonna find something that actually works? 1077 00:58:49.440 --> 00:58:52.091 Big brother almighty! 1078 00:58:52.280 --> 00:58:53.520 Whoo! 1079 00:58:56.560 --> 00:58:58.528 That was my sorority paddle! 1080 00:58:58.960 --> 00:59:00.166 Oh! 1081 00:59:00.640 --> 00:59:02.244 You know, Hannah, 1082 00:59:03.440 --> 00:59:05.204 I didn't wanna have to do this to you, 1083 00:59:05.800 --> 00:59:07.723 but you've been a naughty girl. 1084 00:59:12.120 --> 00:59:14.043 Did you break my fucking stool? 1085 00:59:14.640 --> 00:59:15.687 No. 1086 00:59:17.360 --> 00:59:19.328 I think I'm pretty good at this. 1087 00:59:23.480 --> 00:59:24.481 Oh... 1088 00:59:24.560 --> 00:59:26.722 I don't... I don't understand. 1089 00:59:26.800 --> 00:59:29.929 I fucking hit you with everything. I don't get it. 1090 00:59:30.000 --> 00:59:31.126 Don't feel bad. 1091 00:59:31.200 --> 00:59:33.961 I haven't really felt anything down there since I got my butt implants. 1092 00:59:34.040 --> 00:59:37.408 I'll just... I'll see you back at my place tomorrow. Yeah. 1093 00:59:55.640 --> 00:59:58.849 When you're in this room, you do as I say. 1094 01:00:00.200 --> 01:00:02.362 - Is that understood? - Yes. 1095 01:00:02.440 --> 01:00:04.408 - Yes, who? - Yes, sir. 1096 01:00:04.560 --> 01:00:05.721 Good girl. 1097 01:00:07.560 --> 01:00:08.891 Hands up. 1098 01:00:23.240 --> 01:00:25.686 Turn around. On your knees. 1099 01:00:26.560 --> 01:00:27.800 Stay. 1100 01:00:37.520 --> 01:00:38.521 Don't look at me! 1101 01:00:52.720 --> 01:00:54.324 Raise your hand. 1102 01:01:10.720 --> 01:01:11.767 Did that hurt? 1103 01:01:11.840 --> 01:01:13.001 No. 1104 01:01:13.600 --> 01:01:18.447 Sometimes the pain is in your mind. 1105 01:01:35.520 --> 01:01:38.205 God damn it! Motherfuck! 1106 01:01:38.440 --> 01:01:42.161 And sometimes the pain is not in your mind! 1107 01:01:47.480 --> 01:01:48.720 Jerk! 1108 01:01:52.560 --> 01:01:55.928 I have a very important question to ask you, Ms. Steale. 1109 01:01:56.760 --> 01:01:58.762 - Where is bin Laden? - What? 1110 01:01:59.080 --> 01:02:03.483 Where is bin Laden? When was the last time you saw bin Laden? 1111 01:02:03.560 --> 01:02:05.688 Where is he? 1112 01:02:05.760 --> 01:02:07.569 I don't know! 1113 01:02:07.640 --> 01:02:09.961 He's been dead for five years! 1114 01:02:10.080 --> 01:02:11.923 I don't keep up on current events! 1115 01:02:17.640 --> 01:02:20.120 And now the real torture begins. 1116 01:02:21.920 --> 01:02:22.921 Where were we? 1117 01:02:26.080 --> 01:02:28.321 I can't remember the safe word. 1118 01:02:28.800 --> 01:02:30.370 Chapter 23. 1119 01:02:32.640 --> 01:02:35.803 "It was a cold, gloomy day in Seattle." 1120 01:02:36.160 --> 01:02:40.085 Oh, God, this book is 50 shades of fucking terrible. 1121 01:02:41.480 --> 01:02:43.369 Who wrote this, a third-grader? 1122 01:02:43.480 --> 01:02:46.006 Please go back to the water-torture thing! 1123 01:02:52.080 --> 01:02:53.889 - What's the safe word? - Stop it! 1124 01:02:53.960 --> 01:02:55.246 What's your safe word? 1125 01:02:55.320 --> 01:02:56.526 I don't know. 1126 01:02:57.200 --> 01:02:59.646 Please just... Are you gonna let me down now? 1127 01:02:59.720 --> 01:03:01.131 Yes, Ms. Steale. 1128 01:03:04.280 --> 01:03:07.489 If I could just find these keys. 1129 01:03:08.120 --> 01:03:11.124 You didn't see the keys... No, I know where they are. I just... 1130 01:03:11.200 --> 01:03:13.441 God, my arms are really starting to hurt. 1131 01:03:13.640 --> 01:03:15.005 I got an idea. 1132 01:03:15.800 --> 01:03:18.531 See, most people use a universal lock key in their sex dungeons 1133 01:03:18.600 --> 01:03:19.965 for reasons just like this. Hmm. 1134 01:03:20.040 --> 01:03:22.407 But what you got here is an over-molded swivel key. 1135 01:03:22.480 --> 01:03:23.641 All right, that's a custom job. 1136 01:03:23.720 --> 01:03:25.807 You're gonna need somebody else to take a look at this. 1137 01:03:25.880 --> 01:03:27.609 Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. 1138 01:03:27.720 --> 01:03:30.841 Next time, I'd put one of those tracker app things on the key so you don't lose it. 1139 01:03:30.920 --> 01:03:32.684 - What are they called? - Oh, I know the name. 1140 01:03:32.760 --> 01:03:35.366 It's on the tip of my tongue. It starts with a "T." 1141 01:03:35.440 --> 01:03:36.771 - Ta... - Maybe Ten? 1142 01:03:36.840 --> 01:03:38.171 Telepathy? 1143 01:03:38.240 --> 01:03:40.971 Hey, dipshits, it's called a Tile. 1144 01:03:41.080 --> 01:03:42.809 Tile! 1145 01:03:42.920 --> 01:03:44.001 Holy shit, you're good! 1146 01:03:44.080 --> 01:03:46.201 - You went to college! - Hell yeah! 1147 01:03:46.280 --> 01:03:47.611 Come on! 1148 01:03:47.680 --> 01:03:50.729 I've picked a lot of locks in my day, but I've never seen anything like this. 1149 01:03:50.800 --> 01:03:52.848 - Man, it's impressive. - Thank you. 1150 01:03:52.920 --> 01:03:55.446 Yeah. I got nothing. Who's next? 1151 01:03:55.560 --> 01:03:58.131 Who's next? What are you guys, Ocean's Eleven? 1152 01:03:58.200 --> 01:04:00.009 How many more fuckups are you gonna bring in here? 1153 01:04:00.840 --> 01:04:02.285 - Stand back! - Oh. 1154 01:04:03.160 --> 01:04:05.845 On the count of three, the Great Mysterio 1155 01:04:05.920 --> 01:04:08.764 shall command these shackles unlocked! 1156 01:04:09.000 --> 01:04:11.367 One! Do not divert your gaze. 1157 01:04:11.440 --> 01:04:13.602 Two! Illusion! 1158 01:04:13.960 --> 01:04:16.122 Three! Mysterio! 1159 01:04:16.400 --> 01:04:17.731 - Thank you. - Um... 1160 01:04:17.880 --> 01:04:18.881 Uh... 1161 01:04:19.000 --> 01:04:20.729 Yeah, that didn't work. All the locks are still there. 1162 01:04:20.800 --> 01:04:22.404 Nothing happened! 1163 01:04:22.480 --> 01:04:24.244 Oh. I got nothing, guys. 1164 01:04:24.360 --> 01:04:25.646 Jesus Christ. 1165 01:04:25.720 --> 01:04:29.770 Oh, speaking of disappearing, I have a bar mitzvah in one hour. Mysterio! 1166 01:04:31.720 --> 01:04:34.087 - Oh, damn! - Oh, my God. 1167 01:04:41.720 --> 01:04:43.848 This was not in the contract! 1168 01:04:49.000 --> 01:04:50.490 Where we going? 1169 01:04:51.120 --> 01:04:53.566 To my parents' house for dinner. 1170 01:04:54.320 --> 01:04:56.482 - You look lovely. - Thank you. 1171 01:04:59.840 --> 01:05:01.569 Where'd you learn to dance? 1172 01:05:01.640 --> 01:05:03.483 At this little club in Tampa. 1173 01:05:27.680 --> 01:05:28.681 Dance! 1174 01:05:38.840 --> 01:05:40.046 Yeah! 1175 01:05:41.840 --> 01:05:43.285 Ooh, wow. 1176 01:05:47.440 --> 01:05:48.441 Ah! Fuck! 1177 01:06:23.720 --> 01:06:24.721 What's that? 1178 01:07:27.880 --> 01:07:29.962 Oh, my God, he's got a baby dick! 1179 01:07:34.320 --> 01:07:37.927 It's just the lighting! It's bad lighting! It's creating shadow! 1180 01:07:44.760 --> 01:07:47.843 It's not little! You're just little people! 1181 01:07:52.560 --> 01:07:53.846 Hi. 1182 01:07:53.920 --> 01:07:55.126 Oh, you made it. 1183 01:07:55.600 --> 01:07:57.682 Hannah! It's so good to see you. 1184 01:07:58.000 --> 01:07:59.047 Hi. 1185 01:07:59.120 --> 01:08:00.804 Hannah, this is my dad, Gary. 1186 01:08:01.520 --> 01:08:03.966 Are we ever happy to meet you, Hannah. 1187 01:08:04.160 --> 01:08:05.491 - Really? - Oh, yes. 1188 01:08:05.800 --> 01:08:08.041 I was sure that Christian was gay. 1189 01:08:08.640 --> 01:08:11.610 He's well-groomed, loves Lady Gaga. 1190 01:08:11.880 --> 01:08:14.247 Can't take his eyes off of Anderson Cooper. 1191 01:08:14.360 --> 01:08:16.931 What kind of Republican watches CNN? 1192 01:08:17.040 --> 01:08:19.771 Hi! I'm Mai! 1193 01:08:19.840 --> 01:08:21.365 It's so nice to meet you! 1194 01:08:21.640 --> 01:08:23.688 I can't believe you're a Republican. 1195 01:08:23.760 --> 01:08:26.411 That's his deep, dark secret. 1196 01:08:26.480 --> 01:08:28.050 Shall we? 1197 01:08:29.520 --> 01:08:31.363 - I can't believe you're a Republican. - Sorry. 1198 01:08:31.520 --> 01:08:32.521 Ah... 1199 01:08:34.040 --> 01:08:35.644 Mrs. Black, this food looks amazing. 1200 01:08:35.720 --> 01:08:37.290 Oh, thank you, Hannah. 1201 01:08:37.360 --> 01:08:38.441 Well, it was important to me 1202 01:08:38.520 --> 01:08:42.445 that our adopted children were exposed to their native cultures. 1203 01:08:42.520 --> 01:08:45.763 So, for Eli, I have prepared Balangu. 1204 01:08:46.000 --> 01:08:48.048 It's a spicy goat dish from Nigeria. 1205 01:08:48.560 --> 01:08:50.801 And for Mai, of course, we have Peking Duck 1206 01:08:50.880 --> 01:08:52.848 from the Mandarin province of China. 1207 01:08:53.040 --> 01:08:54.201 I'm Korean! 1208 01:08:54.280 --> 01:08:55.441 Don't be fresh, Mai! 1209 01:08:55.920 --> 01:08:58.400 There are billions of starving Chinese children 1210 01:08:58.480 --> 01:09:00.847 who need their energy to make sneakers for Nike, 1211 01:09:00.920 --> 01:09:03.605 and they would kill for this meal. 1212 01:09:03.680 --> 01:09:07.127 For Christian, of course, we have fried chicken and Kool-Aid. 1213 01:09:07.320 --> 01:09:10.290 It's a very popular dish in Detroit, Michigan. 1214 01:09:10.360 --> 01:09:13.284 And your favorite, of course, hot sauce! 1215 01:09:13.360 --> 01:09:14.771 Oh, Mom. 1216 01:09:16.960 --> 01:09:19.281 So, Hannah, are you interested in having children? 1217 01:09:20.600 --> 01:09:23.331 Yes, I would, if I met the right person. 1218 01:09:23.680 --> 01:09:28.925 Oh, you have no idea what joy we have had from having our kids. 1219 01:09:29.360 --> 01:09:31.362 Mai's the one that I worried about the most. 1220 01:09:31.440 --> 01:09:33.886 I mean, she was so sweet. 1221 01:09:33.960 --> 01:09:38.090 I mean, it seemed almost inevitable that she'd grow up one day and run off with Gary. 1222 01:09:38.280 --> 01:09:40.123 Like that little director fellow, you know, 1223 01:09:40.200 --> 01:09:41.690 the one that married Mia Farrow? 1224 01:09:42.080 --> 01:09:44.606 Oh, sweetheart, please stop. She's our daughter. 1225 01:09:44.680 --> 01:09:46.569 She's a hot little number, though. 1226 01:09:48.680 --> 01:09:50.648 Hannah, I would really recommend 1227 01:09:50.720 --> 01:09:53.291 adopting underprivileged children. 1228 01:09:53.440 --> 01:09:57.445 Wow, that's really just so sweet of you, Mrs. Black. 1229 01:09:57.640 --> 01:10:00.371 It is a great conversation starter at charities, 1230 01:10:00.440 --> 01:10:02.761 it helps your social standing... 1231 01:10:02.840 --> 01:10:03.841 Give it to me. 1232 01:10:03.960 --> 01:10:07.250 ...and your vag doesn't get stretched out like an elastic band at Cirque du Soleil. 1233 01:10:07.320 --> 01:10:09.004 Okay, Mom. Mom, please. 1234 01:10:09.120 --> 01:10:11.566 There was just nothing I wouldn't do for my children. 1235 01:10:11.640 --> 01:10:13.722 I even learned to speak Mandarin for Mai. 1236 01:10:22.960 --> 01:10:24.450 That's not even a real language. 1237 01:10:24.920 --> 01:10:26.251 Hit that bottom! 1238 01:10:26.720 --> 01:10:28.688 Hannah, where is your family from? 1239 01:10:28.760 --> 01:10:29.761 Oh... 1240 01:10:29.840 --> 01:10:31.604 My mom lives in Georgia. 1241 01:10:31.920 --> 01:10:33.445 Oh, Atlanta! 1242 01:10:33.880 --> 01:10:36.121 Oh, then your mom must be a stripper. 1243 01:10:36.320 --> 01:10:38.322 She actually lives in Savannah, 1244 01:10:38.440 --> 01:10:40.090 and she's just a housewife. 1245 01:10:40.240 --> 01:10:42.368 Sure she is, dear. 1246 01:10:42.440 --> 01:10:45.125 I'm gonna go and visit her, actually, in a few days. 1247 01:10:46.320 --> 01:10:47.924 Drinks anyone? Drinkies? 1248 01:10:48.000 --> 01:10:50.082 - I'll have two. - I'd love to, Mom, 1249 01:10:50.160 --> 01:10:52.640 but I promised Hannah I'd show her the estate. 1250 01:10:52.720 --> 01:10:54.210 Home stretch! Yes! 1251 01:10:54.280 --> 01:10:55.566 Excuse us, please. 1252 01:10:56.160 --> 01:10:57.446 It's grocery time. 1253 01:10:58.800 --> 01:11:01.451 It's like I'm on air right now! 1254 01:11:03.000 --> 01:11:04.286 How come you didn't tell me about her? 1255 01:11:04.360 --> 01:11:05.521 Who, my mom? 1256 01:11:05.640 --> 01:11:07.244 My God, she has a nickname? 1257 01:11:09.840 --> 01:11:10.966 Do you love her? 1258 01:11:11.040 --> 01:11:12.724 Of course, she's my mother. 1259 01:11:12.800 --> 01:11:15.724 God, how long has this been going on? 1260 01:11:15.800 --> 01:11:17.325 Since birth. 1261 01:11:17.400 --> 01:11:19.289 Oh, come on, I can't compete with that! 1262 01:11:19.360 --> 01:11:20.725 Hey, you don't have to compete with it! 1263 01:11:20.800 --> 01:11:22.370 You're my boyfriend, she's my mom. 1264 01:11:22.440 --> 01:11:23.726 They're two totally different relationships! 1265 01:11:23.840 --> 01:11:26.571 No, they're not! Okay, Hannah, you're mine, okay? 1266 01:11:26.640 --> 01:11:30.406 There's no mother, no brother, no cousins, no second cousin removed, 1267 01:11:30.520 --> 01:11:32.727 no friends that you call cousin 'cause your parents are close! 1268 01:11:32.840 --> 01:11:35.320 - There's none of that. - No play cousins? 1269 01:11:35.400 --> 01:11:36.970 No play cousins. 1270 01:11:37.040 --> 01:11:38.610 Christian, what do you want? 1271 01:11:38.680 --> 01:11:41.047 I want Kevin Hart not to be in every movie! 1272 01:11:41.120 --> 01:11:42.645 Why? He's hilarious. 1273 01:11:42.720 --> 01:11:44.051 Come on, there's other black actors! 1274 01:11:44.120 --> 01:11:46.009 - How about them? - Like who? 1275 01:11:46.160 --> 01:11:48.049 It could've been Sam Jackson in Ride Along. 1276 01:11:48.120 --> 01:11:50.407 Who knows what kind of crazy wig he would have been wearing? 1277 01:11:50.520 --> 01:11:51.931 I thought you wanted me! 1278 01:11:52.000 --> 01:11:53.331 What do you want, love letters? 1279 01:11:53.400 --> 01:11:55.801 - Hickies? Edible Arrangements? - Mmm. 1280 01:11:55.880 --> 01:11:58.611 You know, that's not even real flowers. It's fucking fruit. 1281 01:11:58.680 --> 01:11:59.761 Yeah, but it's delicious. 1282 01:12:00.720 --> 01:12:02.484 And it's a start, okay? 1283 01:12:02.560 --> 01:12:05.882 And maybe we could advance to a Tiffany's engagement ring, 1284 01:12:05.960 --> 01:12:08.531 and a wedding where we invite 500 of our closest friends, 1285 01:12:08.600 --> 01:12:10.921 and then we have seven kids, and we live in a big house... 1286 01:12:11.000 --> 01:12:15.324 Whoa. You had this whole thing planned out, huh? 1287 01:12:15.400 --> 01:12:17.721 You know, is it me or is it hot in here? Shit. 1288 01:12:17.800 --> 01:12:19.848 You want me to be somebody that I'm not. 1289 01:12:19.920 --> 01:12:21.922 No, no, it's not me that's changing you. 1290 01:12:22.000 --> 01:12:23.650 It's you that's changing me! 1291 01:12:23.720 --> 01:12:25.370 Wait a minute. 1292 01:12:25.440 --> 01:12:27.283 That's a line from the movie Radio. 1293 01:12:28.080 --> 01:12:29.161 No, it's not. 1294 01:12:29.280 --> 01:12:31.123 Yeah, yeah, the movie with Cuba Gooding, Jr., 1295 01:12:31.240 --> 01:12:33.925 where he played this mentally disabled athlete. 1296 01:12:34.000 --> 01:12:35.923 "It's not us that's teaching Radio, 1297 01:12:36.000 --> 01:12:37.809 "it's Radio that's teaching us." 1298 01:12:37.880 --> 01:12:39.211 Nah, mine is way different. 1299 01:12:39.280 --> 01:12:40.645 It's the same premise. 1300 01:12:41.360 --> 01:12:42.521 You complete me? 1301 01:12:42.960 --> 01:12:45.167 Jerry Maguire, also starring Cuba Gooding, Jr. 1302 01:12:45.240 --> 01:12:48.164 I don't understand your whole fixation on him. 1303 01:12:48.240 --> 01:12:51.608 You know, all this time I thought I wasn't in the right place, 1304 01:12:51.840 --> 01:12:53.251 but I was! 1305 01:12:54.040 --> 01:12:55.530 That's Snow Dogs. 1306 01:12:55.640 --> 01:12:57.005 God damn it! 1307 01:12:57.080 --> 01:12:59.242 I gotta stop binging on Netflix. 1308 01:12:59.880 --> 01:13:00.927 Hannah! 1309 01:13:20.160 --> 01:13:22.527 That song sounds so sad. 1310 01:13:22.600 --> 01:13:25.285 Not as sad as Luther Vandross' Dance With My Father. 1311 01:13:25.360 --> 01:13:27.647 Oh, God, that song tears me up. 1312 01:13:28.880 --> 01:13:32.327 Every time I hear it, I just wanna go, "Where's my daddy?" 1313 01:13:32.640 --> 01:13:34.688 Christian, we have to talk. 1314 01:13:35.400 --> 01:13:37.084 You mean like white people? 1315 01:13:37.160 --> 01:13:38.605 What's wrong with that? 1316 01:13:39.160 --> 01:13:41.208 Well, they just talk a lot, you know? 1317 01:13:41.280 --> 01:13:42.884 They do it differently than black people do it. 1318 01:13:43.080 --> 01:13:45.321 White people don't like to argue, they like to discuss. 1319 01:13:45.520 --> 01:13:48.729 Then they start throwing around all these big SAT words 1320 01:13:48.800 --> 01:13:50.450 and putting a lot of emotional guilt on each other. 1321 01:13:50.520 --> 01:13:52.443 It's just too much to deal with. 1322 01:13:52.520 --> 01:13:55.000 I like it the black way, you know, where we curse each other out, 1323 01:13:55.080 --> 01:13:57.242 we may fight, and then we get cool again, 1324 01:13:57.320 --> 01:13:59.448 but we talk about each other behind each other's back, like, 1325 01:13:59.520 --> 01:14:00.760 "Oh, nah, I ain't fucking with that bitch." 1326 01:14:00.840 --> 01:14:01.966 But what you not gonna do... 1327 01:14:02.120 --> 01:14:03.770 - But what you not gonna do... - You not gonna do... 1328 01:14:03.840 --> 01:14:04.841 - You not about to "not" me! - Uh-uh... 1329 01:14:05.120 --> 01:14:06.929 Don't let me get to clappin', boo. 1330 01:14:07.000 --> 01:14:08.001 Oh, hell no. 1331 01:14:08.080 --> 01:14:10.208 See, that's... That's communication. 1332 01:14:10.280 --> 01:14:11.441 I feel better already. 1333 01:14:13.840 --> 01:14:15.569 - Christian. - Hey! 1334 01:14:23.720 --> 01:14:25.404 You're not upset because I haven't signed 1335 01:14:25.520 --> 01:14:26.931 the contract yet, are you? 1336 01:14:27.040 --> 01:14:29.884 I mean, it's not even legally enforceable. You know that, right? 1337 01:14:30.000 --> 01:14:33.049 What's important here are the rules. 1338 01:14:33.120 --> 01:14:35.566 And if you break them, you should be punished. 1339 01:14:35.680 --> 01:14:37.045 How are you gonna punish me? 1340 01:14:37.160 --> 01:14:38.491 First off, you'll get grounded. 1341 01:14:38.560 --> 01:14:40.403 I'll make you stand in the corner for an hour. 1342 01:14:40.600 --> 01:14:42.329 And then I will send you to your room 1343 01:14:42.400 --> 01:14:44.402 without no supper, young lady. 1344 01:14:44.840 --> 01:14:47.844 Christian, this is crazy. Why do you need to punish me? 1345 01:14:47.960 --> 01:14:50.327 Because I'm 51 shades of fucked up! 1346 01:14:51.560 --> 01:14:54.928 You know I'm five-four seconds from wildin'. 1347 01:14:55.000 --> 01:14:57.526 I got three fillets for fryin'. 1348 01:14:57.960 --> 01:15:01.726 I got 99 problems, but now a bitch is one! 1349 01:15:01.920 --> 01:15:03.888 That's 100 problems, Hannah! 1350 01:15:05.920 --> 01:15:08.526 I can only deal with so much. 99's fine. 1351 01:15:08.600 --> 01:15:11.843 A hundred jus... I can't even count that far. 1352 01:15:12.760 --> 01:15:13.921 Okay. 1353 01:15:15.400 --> 01:15:16.811 Then you show me the worst. 1354 01:15:17.400 --> 01:15:19.209 I wanna see how bad it can get. 1355 01:15:19.480 --> 01:15:21.209 No more of this pussy-ass punishment 1356 01:15:21.280 --> 01:15:22.725 you've been doling out thus far. 1357 01:15:22.800 --> 01:15:24.245 I wanna go all the way. 1358 01:15:26.400 --> 01:15:29.210 Is that something that you think you can do? 1359 01:15:29.560 --> 01:15:30.800 Thank you. 1360 01:15:33.280 --> 01:15:34.441 Yes. 1361 01:15:35.600 --> 01:15:37.409 Bend over. 1362 01:15:43.000 --> 01:15:44.001 Hmm. 1363 01:15:46.880 --> 01:15:47.881 Mmm-mmm. 1364 01:15:50.520 --> 01:15:51.521 Hmm. 1365 01:15:54.720 --> 01:15:55.801 Aha. 1366 01:15:59.440 --> 01:16:03.604 Nothin' says ass-whuppin' like good ol' Joe Jackson. 1367 01:16:05.200 --> 01:16:06.611 Hannah... 1368 01:16:07.680 --> 01:16:10.809 I'm gonna spank you six times. 1369 01:16:12.520 --> 01:16:15.285 I need you to count with me. 1370 01:16:21.200 --> 01:16:23.248 God damn it, motherfucker! 1371 01:16:23.360 --> 01:16:25.522 I said count with me! 1372 01:16:27.360 --> 01:16:29.408 One! Two! 1373 01:16:30.320 --> 01:16:34.484 Jesus! It hurts so bad I can't keep count! Where were we? 1374 01:16:34.680 --> 01:16:35.647 I don't know! 1375 01:16:35.720 --> 01:16:37.404 God damn it, Hannah! 1376 01:16:37.480 --> 01:16:39.482 I don't know how to count, okay? 1377 01:16:39.560 --> 01:16:41.244 My crackhead mother never taught me. 1378 01:16:42.360 --> 01:16:44.761 How about this? Let's try in Spanish. 1379 01:16:44.960 --> 01:16:46.291 - Spanish? - Si. 1380 01:16:48.320 --> 01:16:51.688 Tres. Cuatro. 1381 01:16:52.040 --> 01:16:56.090 I'm not too sure, but I think cinco comes after tres. 1382 01:16:56.280 --> 01:16:59.124 Are you kidding me? Cuatro comes after tres. 1383 01:16:59.360 --> 01:17:01.886 Well, don't get mad at me. I don't know Spanish. 1384 01:17:01.960 --> 01:17:05.801 Look, my crackhead mother never taught me how to count or how to speak Spanish. 1385 01:17:06.000 --> 01:17:08.048 - Now we gotta start from scratch! - No! 1386 01:17:17.920 --> 01:17:18.967 Whoo! 1387 01:17:22.240 --> 01:17:25.881 I am tired. Oh, God, that is exhausting. 1388 01:17:26.360 --> 01:17:28.442 Oh, I'm gonna be sore tomorrow. 1389 01:17:29.040 --> 01:17:31.884 Oh. Come on, let's get you up. 1390 01:17:32.600 --> 01:17:34.284 Don't touch me! 1391 01:17:34.760 --> 01:17:35.921 Hey! 1392 01:17:36.400 --> 01:17:38.926 Does it make you happy to see me like this? 1393 01:17:39.200 --> 01:17:42.522 I mean, not really. You look like a sad Gollum. 1394 01:17:42.600 --> 01:17:45.888 Like you's all bent over, and you're crying. You look a little crazy. 1395 01:17:46.520 --> 01:17:47.851 Come on, don't hate me. 1396 01:17:47.920 --> 01:17:49.046 Hate you? 1397 01:17:49.400 --> 01:17:51.129 I loathe you. 1398 01:17:51.400 --> 01:17:54.449 Whoa. That's a thesaurus word right there. 1399 01:17:54.920 --> 01:17:57.082 I hate you the way black people hate cops. 1400 01:17:57.240 --> 01:17:58.241 Wow. 1401 01:17:58.360 --> 01:18:01.523 I hate you the way Republicans hate ObamaCare! 1402 01:18:01.600 --> 01:18:02.840 Baby, come on now. 1403 01:18:03.000 --> 01:18:07.608 I hate you the way Kanye West hates everybody else! 1404 01:18:07.760 --> 01:18:09.808 Well, I'm kind of with him on Taylor Swift. 1405 01:18:09.920 --> 01:18:11.524 What is that bitch singing about? 1406 01:18:11.840 --> 01:18:14.525 You will never do that to me again. 1407 01:18:14.600 --> 01:18:16.204 You said it was cool. 1408 01:18:16.360 --> 01:18:20.001 I know niggas, grimy niggas who do not value themselves, 1409 01:18:20.160 --> 01:18:22.162 and they will have no problem coming down here 1410 01:18:22.240 --> 01:18:23.651 to fuck your little ass up! 1411 01:18:23.760 --> 01:18:26.525 - Whoa. Slow it up now. - Just one "Cuckoo!" 1412 01:18:27.040 --> 01:18:29.281 And they will swoop down on you 1413 01:18:29.360 --> 01:18:32.045 like pigeons on old garlic bread! 1414 01:18:32.360 --> 01:18:34.408 You can't be cuckooin' on this mo'fuck! 1415 01:18:34.520 --> 01:18:36.807 You gotta calm them niggas down. 1416 01:18:37.000 --> 01:18:38.490 You know what? 1417 01:18:40.640 --> 01:18:42.165 Let's try something else. 1418 01:18:43.800 --> 01:18:46.246 Aw, this is cute. I get it, a little role-play. 1419 01:18:46.320 --> 01:18:47.401 It's cute. 1420 01:18:47.480 --> 01:18:49.130 Handcuffs. All right. 1421 01:18:49.200 --> 01:18:51.328 You thought you were gonna do this shit to me? 1422 01:18:51.480 --> 01:18:53.482 You messed with the wrong bitch. 1423 01:18:53.560 --> 01:18:55.005 You sound angry. 1424 01:18:55.200 --> 01:18:59.569 This is for Kerry Washington from De-jango Unchained! 1425 01:18:59.640 --> 01:19:04.089 It's fucking... That is Django! The "D" is silent! 1426 01:19:04.160 --> 01:19:08.768 This is for Lupita Nyong'o in 12 Years a Slave! 1427 01:19:10.040 --> 01:19:13.601 God damn it! It stings so bad! 1428 01:19:13.680 --> 01:19:15.603 All she wanted was some soap! 1429 01:19:16.840 --> 01:19:19.241 Even the antibacterial soap! 1430 01:19:19.320 --> 01:19:21.243 This is for Denzel Washington. 1431 01:19:21.360 --> 01:19:22.964 Wait, he's not even a woman. 1432 01:19:23.040 --> 01:19:24.280 You're just getting crazy. 1433 01:19:24.360 --> 01:19:26.169 But they made him cry in Glory. 1434 01:19:27.520 --> 01:19:29.284 Who makes Denzel Washington cry? Nobody! 1435 01:19:29.360 --> 01:19:30.407 You talkin' 'bout like this? 1436 01:19:30.480 --> 01:19:32.482 See, look, I have a Glory tear. 1437 01:19:32.560 --> 01:19:36.207 If it wasn't for Denzel Washington, Flight would've been a fucking Soul Plane! 1438 01:19:36.320 --> 01:19:37.970 Shit! 1439 01:19:38.040 --> 01:19:40.202 Why the fuck did they make Soul Plane anyway? 1440 01:19:41.400 --> 01:19:45.200 And this is for the little white girl in Fifty Shades of Grey! 1441 01:19:46.880 --> 01:19:48.723 Johnson. Dakota Johnson. 1442 01:19:48.880 --> 01:19:51.008 She had to be naked the whole fucking movie! 1443 01:19:51.080 --> 01:19:52.366 That shit was just gratuitous! 1444 01:19:53.640 --> 01:19:55.404 Whoo! Ah! 1445 01:19:56.720 --> 01:20:00.566 It burns! It burns! It feels like someone lit a... 1446 01:20:00.720 --> 01:20:03.405 My ass on fire! Oh, God, it hurts! 1447 01:20:04.720 --> 01:20:05.960 We done? 1448 01:20:06.040 --> 01:20:09.487 Oh, no, nigga. No, we not finished yet! 1449 01:20:09.560 --> 01:20:12.404 We not finished with you yet, nigga! 1450 01:20:12.600 --> 01:20:13.806 What? Where you goin' with this? 1451 01:20:13.880 --> 01:20:16.406 I'm about to get medieval on your ass. 1452 01:20:17.120 --> 01:20:19.407 Welcome to my world, motherfucker. 1453 01:20:24.400 --> 01:20:26.084 Oh, God! 1454 01:20:29.920 --> 01:20:31.684 Oh, God! 1455 01:20:33.760 --> 01:20:36.923 This hurts so much. 1456 01:20:37.120 --> 01:20:38.770 I wish I'd died. 1457 01:20:40.120 --> 01:20:42.521 Don't touch it! Don't touch it! 1458 01:20:42.600 --> 01:20:44.489 Oh, it's tickling. 1459 01:20:44.920 --> 01:20:47.048 Christian, I thought you'd like it. 1460 01:20:47.120 --> 01:20:48.645 What's there to like! 1461 01:20:49.000 --> 01:20:54.803 What kind of sick pervert beats you for their own enjoyment? 1462 01:20:55.600 --> 01:20:59.366 Christian, you don't want somebody like me. 1463 01:21:00.360 --> 01:21:01.964 You're exactly what I want. 1464 01:21:03.160 --> 01:21:06.369 A broke college graduate with a liberal arts degree 1465 01:21:06.600 --> 01:21:08.602 and no future prospects. 1466 01:21:10.960 --> 01:21:12.450 It's exactly what I want. 1467 01:21:13.160 --> 01:21:16.289 Christian, I've fallen head over heels in love with you. 1468 01:21:16.640 --> 01:21:18.768 Uh... Whoa! 1469 01:21:18.840 --> 01:21:22.640 Slow it up. That is not in the contract. 1470 01:21:22.720 --> 01:21:25.883 Like, it specifically says, and I quote, 1471 01:21:25.960 --> 01:21:28.247 "Bitch don't love a nigga." 1472 01:21:28.640 --> 01:21:30.722 Okay? And I double-bolded that. 1473 01:21:30.800 --> 01:21:33.485 I knew I should have had you sign this contract. 1474 01:21:34.400 --> 01:21:37.483 Christian, I think it'd be best if you leave. 1475 01:21:37.960 --> 01:21:39.564 Get out! 1476 01:21:39.640 --> 01:21:42.120 Fine, you want me to leave? You want me to leave? Fine, I will leave! 1477 01:21:42.200 --> 01:21:43.850 Okay? Wait, time-out. 1478 01:21:44.080 --> 01:21:45.081 Um... 1479 01:21:45.160 --> 01:21:46.924 I live here. 1480 01:21:47.000 --> 01:21:49.321 Shouldn't you be the one leaving? Am I wrong? 1481 01:21:50.680 --> 01:21:52.921 Take an umbrella 'cause... 1482 01:21:53.000 --> 01:21:54.525 Bitch, it's raining. 1483 01:21:59.200 --> 01:22:00.406 I need my car back. 1484 01:22:00.480 --> 01:22:02.130 I already sold that piece of shit. 1485 01:22:02.200 --> 01:22:03.406 I'll send you a check for $37. 1486 01:22:03.520 --> 01:22:05.090 That is way below Blue Book! 1487 01:22:08.680 --> 01:22:09.681 Hannah! 1488 01:22:09.760 --> 01:22:11.524 Christian, you have to let me go. 1489 01:22:11.920 --> 01:22:12.921 Please, listen to me! 1490 01:22:13.000 --> 01:22:14.126 No, you listen to me. 1491 01:22:14.240 --> 01:22:16.846 You'll find someone. Somebody who wants to be open 1492 01:22:16.920 --> 01:22:19.366 to all the demeaning things that you wanna do to them. 1493 01:22:19.520 --> 01:22:20.601 Hannah! 1494 01:22:20.680 --> 01:22:21.681 Christian. 1495 01:22:22.320 --> 01:22:23.321 Ooh. 1496 01:22:23.400 --> 01:22:24.401 Ah! 1497 01:22:24.840 --> 01:22:25.841 God! 1498 01:22:33.400 --> 01:22:37.485 How is he gonna love you? He doesn't even love himself. 1499 01:22:37.560 --> 01:22:41.360 Did you see his haircut, girl? 1500 01:22:41.440 --> 01:22:45.490 How could you think this was gonna end well? 1501 01:22:48.200 --> 01:22:49.725 Never look back. 1502 01:22:55.880 --> 01:22:57.006 Christian. 1503 01:22:57.280 --> 01:22:58.441 Hannah. 1504 01:22:59.720 --> 01:23:02.246 While running down 47 flights of stairs, 1505 01:23:03.080 --> 01:23:04.650 I had plenty of time to think. 1506 01:23:05.640 --> 01:23:09.561 And when I passed out on the 23rd floor, I realized I owed you an apology. 1507 01:23:09.920 --> 01:23:12.526 I just want to say I'm sorry for the way I treated you. 1508 01:23:12.600 --> 01:23:14.364 Especially for the whole waterboarding thing. 1509 01:23:15.000 --> 01:23:17.571 Turns out you were right about bin Laden. 1510 01:23:17.680 --> 01:23:19.921 - Who knew? - Everyone. 1511 01:23:20.000 --> 01:23:21.001 Hmm? 1512 01:23:21.080 --> 01:23:22.320 You hurt me, Christian. 1513 01:23:22.400 --> 01:23:24.687 I know. But I have softer whips. 1514 01:23:24.760 --> 01:23:26.603 You know the kind with the pink fur on it? 1515 01:23:27.400 --> 01:23:28.447 It takes the sting off. 1516 01:23:28.520 --> 01:23:30.124 That's not what I'm talking about. 1517 01:23:30.600 --> 01:23:32.967 - You want romance. - I deserve it. 1518 01:23:33.080 --> 01:23:34.127 Well, what's more romantic 1519 01:23:34.200 --> 01:23:36.168 than running down 47 flights of stairs? 1520 01:23:36.280 --> 01:23:37.520 You know I pulled a hamstring? 1521 01:23:37.800 --> 01:23:39.006 Did you die? 1522 01:23:39.080 --> 01:23:41.686 No, but that's gonna keep me out of the Red Room for at least a week. 1523 01:23:42.320 --> 01:23:43.560 Bye, bitch. 1524 01:23:43.640 --> 01:23:46.041 Okay, okay, okay. Hannah, wait, wait. Hannah! 1525 01:23:46.120 --> 01:23:48.088 No, Christian. You are incapable 1526 01:23:48.160 --> 01:23:49.525 of having a normal relationship. 1527 01:23:49.600 --> 01:23:51.409 I know, but I'm trying, okay? 1528 01:23:51.480 --> 01:23:54.290 I want to be like that old man whose wife has Alzheimer's, 1529 01:23:54.360 --> 01:23:55.521 and he wakes up every day 1530 01:23:55.600 --> 01:23:57.250 and he tells her the story about their lives together. 1531 01:23:57.480 --> 01:23:59.608 And then they take a nap, but they don't wake up. 1532 01:24:00.120 --> 01:24:01.406 Because they're dead. 1533 01:24:01.480 --> 01:24:02.925 That's The Notebook. 1534 01:24:03.000 --> 01:24:05.565 That's the one with Ryan Gosling and the girl with the big-ass forehead? 1535 01:24:05.640 --> 01:24:06.641 Oh. 1536 01:24:07.200 --> 01:24:08.326 He never forgot her. 1537 01:24:08.480 --> 01:24:10.562 You don't even like Nicholas Sparks movies. 1538 01:24:10.800 --> 01:24:12.882 I used to hate them, but now I love 'em. 1539 01:24:13.240 --> 01:24:14.844 Even The Last Song. 1540 01:24:15.800 --> 01:24:17.370 Why was that even a movie? 1541 01:24:17.440 --> 01:24:18.726 You know that wasn't even a book? 1542 01:24:19.040 --> 01:24:21.601 Well, if I'm gonna give you another chance, things have to be different. 1543 01:24:21.680 --> 01:24:23.011 I know. 1544 01:24:23.880 --> 01:24:26.326 I have something very important I wanna tell you. 1545 01:24:27.680 --> 01:24:28.681 I lo... 1546 01:24:30.760 --> 01:24:32.649 I lo... 1547 01:24:34.360 --> 01:24:35.521 I... 1548 01:24:39.160 --> 01:24:42.004 What I'm trying to say is, I love 1549 01:24:43.560 --> 01:24:45.005 Empire. 1550 01:24:45.080 --> 01:24:47.845 That Cookie just says the craziest things. 1551 01:24:48.440 --> 01:24:49.646 Okay. 1552 01:24:51.360 --> 01:24:52.566 I love you. 1553 01:24:53.480 --> 01:24:55.164 I knew you loved me. 1554 01:25:05.560 --> 01:25:07.767 I have one last surprise for you. 1555 01:25:07.880 --> 01:25:10.201 But you're gonna have to pack a bag. 1556 01:25:10.360 --> 01:25:11.771 Are we gonna go on your private jet? 1557 01:25:11.840 --> 01:25:13.205 Oh, my God, what kind of jet is it? 1558 01:25:13.280 --> 01:25:15.760 No, no, no. Don't tell me. I want to be surprised. 1559 01:25:20.680 --> 01:25:21.727 Ah! 1560 01:25:21.800 --> 01:25:25.168 I can't believe you thought I'd take you on a private jet. 1561 01:25:25.240 --> 01:25:27.641 I love you and all, but you don't even have a ring yet. 1561 01:25:28.305 --> 01:25:34.774 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org