WEBVTT

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You know what my first memory is?

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Feeling special.

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The first time I pooped,
there was applause.

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When we scribbled something in crayon,
it was a Picasso.

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Gold stickers for everyone.

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C+ in gym? Perfect attendance?
"Hey, here's 100 bucks."

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When we hit a new level on Wave Race,

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it was like we won the Olympics.

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For kids of my generation,
strike three meant one thing:

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take your base.

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Look out, world. Here we come.

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Closer, closer, closer. There we go.

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- Look at that.
- You are so cute together.

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Adorable. So, Jillian,

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Will tells us that you are going to
start working at Johnson & Johnson.

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- That's fantastic!
- Thank you. Yeah, I'm excited to start.

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Sales Analyst. It sounds so impressive.

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Junior Sales Analyst. But the "Junior"
is gonna be gone by Christmas.

19
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And Will's finally being paid
at LA Weekly.

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- Way to go, you two.
- I know.

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I told you guys, we're a power couple.

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Will, there's a little something
to get you started.

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Wow!

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Thanks, Dad. Thanks, Mom.

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Will, did I ever tell you
what my first job was?

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Was it, by any chance, stacking crates
of tomatoes in a warehouse, Dad?

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Correct.

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Must have been 100 degrees
in that warehouse.

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- You know what got me through?
- I'm gonna go with air conditioning.

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Air conditioning.

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There was one office
that was air conditioned.

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High above the floor.

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It was for the warehouse supervisor.

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And I told myself right then and there,

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"I don't know how I'm gonna do it,
but I'm going to get to that office."

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Didn't that guy have a heart attack, Dad?

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It was an aneurysm.
The point is, I worked my way up

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until I was in charge of the entire
North American supply chain.

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I am proof there's nothing
you can't achieve.

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Exactly, and that's why
I'm saying this LA Weekly thing

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is really just a springboard for me.

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'Cause, I mean, I'm gonna dominate
their Web edition.

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I've got videos, live blogging,
interactive content.

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- I'm building my brand.
- Brand?

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- You spent the money on a TV?
- Yeah.

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That's one of the largest televisions
available on the market today.

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Seventy inches. What?

48
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You want to know why
we're not living together? Exhibit A.

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Hey, J. La.
Was that your sister at graduation?

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- No.
- Are you sure?

51
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I saw her, like, hugging your parents
and giving your dad a little...

52
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I mean, can I get her phone number?

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- Is this the iStalkU?
- It's the iSearchU.

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- If you could just mind your business.
- What is iStalkU?

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The iSearchU?

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It's just an app that I'm developing.

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Say there's a person that you want to
find, but they don't want to be found.

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Like, there's this girl,
and you've called her a million times,

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and she just won't return your messages.

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My app allows you to send them
a text message and...

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receive back their exact location.

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So there's nowhere to hide,
Jillian's sister. Nowhere.

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No, you cannot have her number.

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I'll find your sister.

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You're gonna end up in iJail
getting iRaped.

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And I'm gonna handle the iStock IPO!

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Yeah, yeah, yeah!

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- You don't even have a job.
- I got a business degree.

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Unlike Broke Nuts over here,
I have marketable skills.

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Unlike you, Broke Nuts has a job.

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I have nine interviews this week.

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Today, it's Morgan Stanley...

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and Great Pacific.

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I love you all. Get your lives together.

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- Good luck, dude.
- Good luck.

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Excuse me, ma'am.
Would you like to be my guest?

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Hi, have we met? I'm Jillian.

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- God.
- Stop booing me, Charlie.

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Just one time. Just smoke with me.

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Make an exception. We're celebrating.

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- Charlie got a job today.
- McDonald's or Taco Bell?

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Middle school chemistry teacher.

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I weep for our future.

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Fuck me in the ass! Fuck me!

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Hey, Brian.

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Hey, Will. Looking good, buddy.

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We don't have a job for you.

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- What do you mean?
- I mean, we don't have a job for you.

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We've downsized.

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Yeah, but I'm perfect for this job.

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I'm sorry, Will. Thank you very much.

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Look, Brian, I got three Webisodes
all ready to upload...

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"Where to Find the Best Beef Machaca,"
"How to Bike the LA River,"

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and "Why Ultimate Frisbee
is More Complex Than Chess."

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You're not alone.
I had to let eight people go last week.

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Why didn't you tell me?

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Honestly, with everything going on
around here, I just forgot.

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Good.

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You forgot? I spent two summers
interning here for free

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so that I could have a job waiting
for me after graduation, and you forgot.

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Look, I've already told everybody
about this job.

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I told my friends and my family and my
parents about this job, and you forgot!

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Well, guess what, Brian?
You can't do this kind of shit, man!

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I deserve to be treated
a little better than this.

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And I think you owe me
a little more than "I forgot."

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I don't owe you shit.

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"Systems administrator"? No.

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"Nuclear pipe technician"?

109
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No, you haven't laid that much pipe, so...

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I've laid a lot of pipe, Charles.
Ask your mother.

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Sick burn.

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- "Unemployment benefits administrator."
- Yeah, dude, that one.

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That'd be ironic.

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It's not ironic if it's all the time.

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You know what's all the time?
Ball taps and kills.

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Dude, don't play dirty, man.
Don't play dirty.

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Oh, shit.

118
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Dude, I honestly have no idea
what any of this shit means.

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Well, you better figure it out soon.
The rent is due Friday.

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I know. I just need something to keep
the lights on until I find my dream job.

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I don't think you can
monetize masturbation.

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It was too good.

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Oh, here's something
in the hospitality industry.

124
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You don't have any sort of medical degree.

125
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Okay, there's a gun in the drawer,
but you probably won't need it.

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All right. Good night, kid.

127
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There are Negroes on this boat!

128
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I'm sorry to hear that.

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You the new guy?

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- Yeah, I am new.
- Skeezy D.

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Will.

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Three rooms. Keep the change.

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Girl, you better treat this man right.

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He was in Vietnam.

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Korea.

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Get in there and bust a nut,
Hawkeye Pierce!

137
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Hell, Cheryl's one of my best girls.

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- Hard worker?
- That pussy comes correct.

139
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- Where'd you meet her?
- Met her at my last gig.

140
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- Which... where was that?
- Borders.

141
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Borders... Borders bookstore?

142
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Listen, man, shit went sideways, okay?

143
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Everybody was out of work.
I had to get out of there real quick.

144
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So, why "Skeezy D"?

145
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Men who hire prostitutes
aren't paying them for sex, Will.

146
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They're paying for danger.

147
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They're paying to feel alive.

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Hey, motherfucker,
you better pay my bitch what you owe.

149
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They're paying
for a certain joie de vivre.

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That's French.

151
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I'm not resisting arrest.
Okay, I'm not resisting arrest.

152
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Okay, I'm not resisting arrest. I'm not.

153
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I'm not. I'm not.

154
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Hey, bitch, we had a deal!

155
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You were renting out rooms to hookers?

156
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- Skeezy said they're here every...
- No, no.

157
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That's not the kind of establishment
I'm running here.

158
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Read the sign there, kid.
It says "No prostitution."

159
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That clearly includes hookers.

160
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You're fired.

161
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I'm sorry, Officer. I just got to be
a little more careful about who I hire.

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- You do that.
- Yeah. Will do. Will do.

163
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Thanks for everything you do, Officer.

164
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Sorry, kid.

165
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Shit rolls downhill.
You know what I'm saying?

166
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You get it. You get it.
You'll be all right.

167
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Son of a bitch!

168
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Hey, Dad?

169
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I gotta ask you for money.

170
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Will, you're a grown-up now.

171
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I'm not gonna give you any more money.

172
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Dad, what am I supposed to do?

173
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You want me to go
sell my body on the street?

174
00:10:13.800 --> 00:10:16.531
Enough of the life lessons here, man.
I am broke.

175
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- I literally have no money for anything.
- I lost my job.

176
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Are you serious?

177
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Afraid so.

178
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Well, what happened?

179
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Apparently, I was so successful
at streamlining the beverage supply chain

180
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that I made my own job obsolete.

181
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So, what are you gonna do?

182
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I'm going to get a job!

183
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I'm gonna follow my ABC's, stay positive,

184
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and in the interim, look!

185
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I can tackle all the chores
I never had time for.

186
00:11:08.360 --> 00:11:10.362
You guys gotta get your lives together.

187
00:11:11.480 --> 00:11:14.086
Top 1 %, here I come, baby!

188
00:11:15.600 --> 00:11:17.762
Hey, this guy got a job.

189
00:11:17.920 --> 00:11:21.367
It's called Top Deck Securities.
I start clerking next month.

190
00:11:21.520 --> 00:11:24.410
If I kick ass,
I'll be making trades by December.

191
00:11:24.560 --> 00:11:28.121
From this point on, it's gonna be
coffee and cocaine for me, baby.

192
00:11:28.280 --> 00:11:30.282
Do you take change for dollars?

193
00:11:30.440 --> 00:11:32.169
No, no. Keep it. You worked hard.

194
00:11:32.320 --> 00:11:34.322
You've got an incredible amount of torque.

195
00:11:37.640 --> 00:11:39.642
You deserve so much more money than this,

196
00:11:39.840 --> 00:11:42.525
but I'm on a teacher's salary.

197
00:11:46.040 --> 00:11:48.327
If you want to see the show,
you gotta pay for it.

198
00:11:48.520 --> 00:11:51.410
No, I'm just here for the free buffet.

199
00:11:51.600 --> 00:11:55.002
The buffet is free 'cause you're supposed
to be spending money on me.

200
00:11:56.560 --> 00:11:59.006
I guess I found a loophole.

201
00:11:59.160 --> 00:12:02.687
- Your friend's got an attitude.
- He's out of work.

202
00:12:02.840 --> 00:12:05.320
So buy him a lap dance to cheer him up.

203
00:12:11.800 --> 00:12:14.201
- Yeah.
- I'd like to get to know you sometime.

204
00:12:14.360 --> 00:12:16.681
- Don't get her pregnant.
- Oh, hey, look.

205
00:12:16.880 --> 00:12:18.530
- I have a girlfriend.
- Yo, Will!

206
00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:24.764
- So, you're looking for a job?
- Yeah.

207
00:12:24.920 --> 00:12:29.084
What would you do if you won the lottery
and never had to work again?

208
00:12:29.240 --> 00:12:31.720
- I don't know.
- What's your passion?

209
00:12:33.040 --> 00:12:35.566
What do you love to do?

210
00:12:35.720 --> 00:12:38.166
I like to make funny YouTube videos.

211
00:12:38.360 --> 00:12:40.044
Oh, if you like making YouTube videos,

212
00:12:40.200 --> 00:12:42.407
why aren't you looking
for corporate video work?

213
00:12:42.560 --> 00:12:45.643
Corporate? Yeah, I don't do corporate.

214
00:12:45.800 --> 00:12:47.882
Listen, babe.

215
00:12:48.040 --> 00:12:52.807
When you're first starting out,
you gotta stay flexible.

216
00:13:00.840 --> 00:13:02.888
- Do you know what we do here, Hamilton?
- Trade stocks.

217
00:13:03.040 --> 00:13:05.202
Wrong. We make money.

218
00:13:05.360 --> 00:13:09.490
This is Hamilton. He is clerking for us.

219
00:13:09.680 --> 00:13:11.808
I had to shit-can that other douchebag

220
00:13:11.960 --> 00:13:14.725
because, well, I couldn't stand
looking at his face anymore.

221
00:13:14.880 --> 00:13:18.680
- Put all your orders in through him.
- Wait, I get to put in orders?

222
00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:22.083
- More than you can imagine.
- Hell, yeah.

223
00:13:22.280 --> 00:13:24.282
Go across the street,
get me three triple espressos.

224
00:13:24.440 --> 00:13:26.442
Put three sugars in each one.
None of that Splenda shit.

225
00:13:26.600 --> 00:13:28.409
- I want the real thing.
- Go to Fatburger.

226
00:13:28.560 --> 00:13:30.449
Get me 12 double XLs with extra cheese,

227
00:13:30.600 --> 00:13:32.921
12 chili-cheese fat fries,
nine milk shakes.

228
00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:35.851
Hey, go to 7-Eleven. Pick me up
25 Black Cherry lottery tickets.

229
00:13:36.040 --> 00:13:38.361
Fifteen grand top prize.
You scratch them off.

230
00:13:38.520 --> 00:13:40.170
Start from the bottom. Odd numbers first.

231
00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:44.484
- Go! Go, go, go...
- Still here? Still here?

232
00:13:45.480 --> 00:13:47.448
And I better fucking win!

233
00:13:50.520 --> 00:13:52.020
What are you doing?

234
00:13:52.120 --> 00:13:55.567
- I need a sexy video of you.
- Yeah, I don't think so.

235
00:13:55.720 --> 00:13:58.883
I made an appointment
to donate sperm. What?

236
00:13:59.040 --> 00:14:02.362
Your best idea for making rent
is masturbating into a cup?

237
00:14:02.520 --> 00:14:04.568
I'm an accomplished masturbator.

238
00:14:05.800 --> 00:14:07.802
Will, I don't know
what's going on with you.

239
00:14:07.960 --> 00:14:10.281
At school, you always had
a million different things going on.

240
00:14:10.440 --> 00:14:12.761
Your energy was contagious.
It's what I loved about you.

241
00:14:12.920 --> 00:14:17.403
And right now, it feels like you're just
flailing around, making it up as you go.

242
00:14:17.560 --> 00:14:19.927
I saw a job counselor last week.

243
00:14:21.440 --> 00:14:23.090
Really? A job counselor?

244
00:14:23.240 --> 00:14:27.245
And she was all over me about
forming a strategy, and just really...

245
00:14:27.400 --> 00:14:29.243
She rode me to stay flexible,

246
00:14:29.400 --> 00:14:32.290
and so we decided to focus
on corporate video work.

247
00:14:32.440 --> 00:14:35.762
I sent out my résumé.
I should start interviewing next week.

248
00:14:35.920 --> 00:14:37.922
Come here.

249
00:14:38.080 --> 00:14:41.607
Do you remember Ultimate Frisbee?
Not the districts, the regionals.

250
00:14:41.760 --> 00:14:44.604
I made that 50-yard huck to Sullivan.
It was an awesome pass.

251
00:14:44.760 --> 00:14:48.810
- I don't know what we're talking about.
- What I'm saying is, don't worry.

252
00:14:48.960 --> 00:14:51.201
I'm at my best when my back
is against the wall.

253
00:14:51.360 --> 00:14:53.488
This isn't college, Will.

254
00:14:54.440 --> 00:14:56.283
Please, I need you to step up.

255
00:14:59.200 --> 00:15:02.966
Thirty years, one company. Wow!

256
00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:06.522
An employer sees this,
and they see a dinosaur.

257
00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:12.164
Well, I can't say that
I agree with you there, Hernando.

258
00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:14.402
- Fernando.
- It's Fernando?

259
00:15:14.600 --> 00:15:16.921
You should do whatever you can
to look younger.

260
00:15:17.080 --> 00:15:18.923
For starters, lose the beard.

261
00:15:19.080 --> 00:15:21.890
An image consult is included
with the Platinum Package.

262
00:15:22.040 --> 00:15:24.168
We'll give you a workstation,
some place to go every morning.

263
00:15:24.360 --> 00:15:29.241
And we will produce a video résumé
that will set you above the rabble.

264
00:15:29.400 --> 00:15:33.564
But all of that is just preparation
for the main event.

265
00:15:34.880 --> 00:15:38.282
Wilheimer has an 85%
placement rate, Mr. Davis.

266
00:15:38.440 --> 00:15:41.171
- Wow!
- How do you think we make that number?

267
00:15:41.320 --> 00:15:43.766
- Well, I...
- That's a rhetorical question.

268
00:15:43.960 --> 00:15:47.931
While everyone else is out
there wasting their time,

269
00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:50.321
meeting mid-level HR hacks,

270
00:15:50.480 --> 00:15:53.927
Wilheimer will be putting you
in front of the person

271
00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:58.085
who can pull the trigger
and actually hire you.

272
00:16:00.160 --> 00:16:02.891
- The decision maker?
- The decision maker.

273
00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:07.769
- That's right. Well...
- I like it.

274
00:16:07.920 --> 00:16:10.161
Bottom line, how much are we talking here?

275
00:16:10.360 --> 00:16:15.651
The Platinum Package
is a one-time fee of $30,000.

276
00:16:21.280 --> 00:16:24.124
No, seriously, how much are we talking?

277
00:16:52.640 --> 00:16:54.085
Hey, there!

278
00:16:54.280 --> 00:16:56.931
- Tough day?
- What?

279
00:16:58.800 --> 00:17:00.404
No, no, no.

280
00:17:00.560 --> 00:17:04.121
A tough day is just
an unrealized great day.

281
00:17:05.960 --> 00:17:08.611
Well, then, I'm gonna hook you up
with some Rockin' Moroccan.

282
00:17:08.760 --> 00:17:10.649
It's like legal hash.

283
00:17:11.680 --> 00:17:12.966
I'm Cammy. What's your name?

284
00:17:13.120 --> 00:17:15.282
- Roger.
- Roger that.

285
00:17:17.040 --> 00:17:18.804
Oh, to go, please.

286
00:17:20.680 --> 00:17:22.170
Hello?

287
00:17:23.040 --> 00:17:26.169
Oh, hey, honey. How are you?

288
00:17:26.320 --> 00:17:27.924
I'm at the office.

289
00:17:29.360 --> 00:17:31.203
Oh, that music? Yeah, well, I...

290
00:17:31.400 --> 00:17:33.402
That's...

291
00:17:33.560 --> 00:17:35.927
You know Jerry.
He's just trying to jazz up his...

292
00:17:36.080 --> 00:17:38.003
I should get back to that meeting, honey.

293
00:17:38.200 --> 00:17:40.009
I'll see you in a few hours, okay?

294
00:17:40.200 --> 00:17:42.521
I love you too. Bye.

295
00:17:46.280 --> 00:17:48.760
That was my wife.

296
00:17:49.960 --> 00:17:54.249
Well, look, we have free Wi-Fi
and three-prong outlets out the wazoo.

297
00:17:55.440 --> 00:17:56.646
So...

298
00:17:58.440 --> 00:18:00.807
And don't worry, Rog.

299
00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:03.566
No one here has a job.

300
00:18:29.360 --> 00:18:32.409
You children may begin.

301
00:18:32.560 --> 00:18:36.690
Now, the goal of this experiment
is to create an even coating,

302
00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:40.566
no excess charring, and no cold spots.

303
00:18:40.760 --> 00:18:42.762
I mean it, Dayjon.

304
00:18:42.920 --> 00:18:45.969
And remember, don't stare in the flame
for too long, because it will...

305
00:18:47.400 --> 00:18:49.880
steal your soul.

306
00:18:50.040 --> 00:18:52.042
Let me see that. Yeah.

307
00:19:01.760 --> 00:19:04.331
That is close to perfection.

308
00:19:04.480 --> 00:19:07.882
- Mr. Baxter?
- Stop calling me that!

309
00:19:08.080 --> 00:19:09.605
It's Charlie, okay?

310
00:19:09.760 --> 00:19:12.491
Okay, Charlie.

311
00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:15.928
Why do all of our experiments
involve making food?

312
00:19:16.080 --> 00:19:19.846
I get the munchies after free period.

313
00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:24.722
- Any more questions, Sergeant Buzzkill?
- No.

314
00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:26.689
- Mr. Baxter?
- It's Charlie!

315
00:19:26.840 --> 00:19:28.763
My sixth grade basketball coach just quit.

316
00:19:28.920 --> 00:19:30.524
You interested in the position?

317
00:19:30.680 --> 00:19:34.002
I'm sorry, do I look like someone
with free time on his hands?

318
00:19:34.160 --> 00:19:35.605
It's an extra $100 a week.

319
00:19:37.640 --> 00:19:39.688
They will prosper under my tutelage.

320
00:19:45.400 --> 00:19:46.970
Tanya Sellers, Human Resources.

321
00:19:47.160 --> 00:19:48.810
Sorry it took me so long
to get back to you.

322
00:19:49.000 --> 00:19:52.243
We received close to 1,000 résumés
for the videographer position.

323
00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:54.323
I was just glad that you called.

324
00:19:54.480 --> 00:19:56.369
Katherine Dunn oversees
our video services,

325
00:19:56.520 --> 00:19:58.522
but she's in China
on a leadership conference,

326
00:19:58.680 --> 00:20:01.968
so you get a nonstop flight
to the decision maker himself,

327
00:20:02.120 --> 00:20:03.531
Lawrence Wilheimer.

328
00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:04.926
He's a legend in executive placement.

329
00:20:05.080 --> 00:20:07.003
He revolutionized the game.

330
00:20:07.160 --> 00:20:09.686
- Make sure you check out his package.
- His retirement package?

331
00:20:09.840 --> 00:20:12.980
His package-package.
He's hung like a fucking minotaur.

332
00:20:13.080 --> 00:20:14.320
Fat.

333
00:20:18.800 --> 00:20:21.326
- William Davis.
- Yes, sir.

334
00:20:21.480 --> 00:20:25.201
"Vast experience in all aspects
of video production."

335
00:20:26.360 --> 00:20:28.169
Could you elaborate on that?

336
00:20:28.320 --> 00:20:29.924
Well, sir, for the past seven years,

337
00:20:30.120 --> 00:20:32.726
I've been producing
original video content for YouTube.

338
00:20:33.840 --> 00:20:35.888
- YouTube?
- Yes, sir.

339
00:20:36.040 --> 00:20:39.487
I think YouTube is the perfect training
ground for producing video résumés

340
00:20:39.640 --> 00:20:41.290
that really stand out from the crowd.

341
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:44.569
And clients of Southern California's
premiere executive placement firm

342
00:20:44.760 --> 00:20:46.330
deserve those kind of résumés.

343
00:20:46.480 --> 00:20:48.448
Ones that grab the employer's attention,
don't let go.

344
00:20:48.640 --> 00:20:50.244
Even if they say "uncle."

345
00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:53.882
So, hire William Davis,
and your clients will...

346
00:20:56.720 --> 00:21:01.089
Hire William Davis, and your clients
will rise above the rest of the...

347
00:21:01.280 --> 00:21:03.408
I'm so sorry about that.
Hire William Davis,

348
00:21:03.560 --> 00:21:06.245
and your clients will rise above and...

349
00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:08.880
That's what you want, right?

350
00:21:09.080 --> 00:21:12.323
My girlfriend and I are having a fight.
Do you mind if I...

351
00:21:13.720 --> 00:21:16.485
What could be more important?

352
00:21:16.640 --> 00:21:18.563
Thank you, sir. That's what I'm saying.

353
00:21:20.560 --> 00:21:22.403
And send.

354
00:21:22.560 --> 00:21:24.085
So, where were we?

355
00:21:24.240 --> 00:21:27.005
I was showing you the door, Mr. Davis.

356
00:21:27.160 --> 00:21:28.366
That's it over there.

357
00:21:32.760 --> 00:21:34.683
Okay. Thank you.

358
00:21:38.800 --> 00:21:40.564
Look, sir, I don't think...

359
00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:43.007
I don't know if this is the exact
subject matter that you're looking for,

360
00:21:43.160 --> 00:21:45.288
but I think that this really
showcases my abilities

361
00:21:45.440 --> 00:21:47.090
to recognize what's unique
about an individual

362
00:21:47.280 --> 00:21:50.523
and how to foreground that
for the marketplace.

363
00:21:53.280 --> 00:21:54.805
What is your business philosophy?

364
00:21:56.320 --> 00:21:58.926
It is all about customer satisfaction.

365
00:21:59.080 --> 00:22:03.722
We are basically
the Burlington Coat Factory of bitches.

366
00:22:03.920 --> 00:22:06.651
I got bitches on layaway,
you know what I'm saying?

367
00:22:06.840 --> 00:22:09.286
For $599, you can mark down a bitch.

368
00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:12.808
All right, hey, just, you know,
be careful with it, man.

369
00:22:13.320 --> 00:22:15.527
I really don't like these guys.

370
00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:18.160
Watch your fingerprints. Are you serious?

371
00:22:18.320 --> 00:22:20.527
That's a big-boy TV. Come on, man.

372
00:22:20.680 --> 00:22:23.889
- Use an HDMI cord. Don't use...
- Thanks, bro.

373
00:22:24.040 --> 00:22:25.644
Take care of my TV, bro.

374
00:22:27.360 --> 00:22:31.001
- Yeah, this is Will.
- Will, Tanya, from Wilheimer.

375
00:22:31.200 --> 00:22:34.363
- Are you calling about my interview?
- Sure am.

376
00:22:34.520 --> 00:22:37.569
- Mr. Wilheimer pressing charges?
- You're in, player!

377
00:22:37.720 --> 00:22:39.370
- What?
- You're in.

378
00:22:39.520 --> 00:22:41.170
Starting salary is $26,000,

379
00:22:41.320 --> 00:22:44.210
partial health benefits
kick in after 90 days.

380
00:22:44.360 --> 00:22:46.203
Wait, are you saying that I have a job?

381
00:22:46.360 --> 00:22:47.521
That's what I'm saying.

382
00:22:47.720 --> 00:22:50.087
Wait, wait, wait!

383
00:22:52.000 --> 00:22:55.083
Hello, you got good news.

384
00:22:55.240 --> 00:22:58.608
Tell Will he gets the job
as soon as he passes a drug test.

385
00:22:58.760 --> 00:23:01.001
Drug test? Is it multiple choice?

386
00:23:02.520 --> 00:23:04.602
Hey, what's up, Dad?

387
00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:08.681
What's going on?

388
00:23:08.840 --> 00:23:09.841
I got a job.

389
00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:12.002
Hey!

390
00:23:12.200 --> 00:23:14.089
- That's great!
- I know.

391
00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:16.368
It's at this place called Wilheimer.
They do job placement.

392
00:23:16.520 --> 00:23:19.285
Oh, yeah. I've heard good things.

393
00:23:19.440 --> 00:23:21.966
I just need one thing...

394
00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:24.883
and I'm good to go.

395
00:23:25.800 --> 00:23:27.290
- You're smoking pot?
- I'm an occasional user!

396
00:23:27.440 --> 00:23:29.124
I never smoke and drive!

397
00:23:29.280 --> 00:23:33.001
And you want me to urinate into this bottle
so that you can pass a drug test?

398
00:23:33.160 --> 00:23:35.891
- Goddamn it!
- Dad, look, there's no one else I can ask.

399
00:23:36.040 --> 00:23:39.328
I'm hanging by a thread with Jillian, plus
they might be able to screen for gender.

400
00:23:39.520 --> 00:23:42.888
Ethan is tainted, Luke is unclean,
and Charlie's radioactive.

401
00:23:43.040 --> 00:23:44.246
What am I supposed to do?

402
00:23:44.440 --> 00:23:45.680
Get new friends!

403
00:23:45.840 --> 00:23:47.171
I have a job.

404
00:23:47.360 --> 00:23:48.885
I've a real job for a real company.

405
00:23:49.040 --> 00:23:50.883
The kind of job that you've
been bugging me to get for years.

406
00:23:51.040 --> 00:23:53.088
And if I don't produce
an immaculate cup of urine,

407
00:23:53.280 --> 00:23:56.124
it's back to the unemployment line.
Is that what you want?

408
00:23:56.280 --> 00:23:58.647
No, it's not what I want. You know that.

409
00:23:58.800 --> 00:24:01.451
I just don't feel comfortable doing this.

410
00:24:02.040 --> 00:24:03.451
Okay.

411
00:24:03.600 --> 00:24:04.965
Air conditioning, so...

412
00:24:05.120 --> 00:24:07.327
- No.
- It was 100 degrees in that warehouse,

413
00:24:07.480 --> 00:24:09.323
and you did whatever it took
to get off the floor.

414
00:24:09.480 --> 00:24:11.881
And that's what I'm doing.
That's what I'm doing.

415
00:24:12.040 --> 00:24:13.849
I'm doing what you told me.

416
00:24:41.080 --> 00:24:42.969
What happened to you?

417
00:24:43.120 --> 00:24:45.202
Hey, I just pulled a hammy.

418
00:24:45.360 --> 00:24:47.089
- Pounding box?
- What?

419
00:24:47.240 --> 00:24:49.402
Pounding box? Putting it in that pussy.

420
00:24:49.560 --> 00:24:51.050
Giving it to her. Yeah.

421
00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:53.521
No, I was hitting the gym.

422
00:24:54.600 --> 00:24:57.444
- Hitting those weights.
- All right.

423
00:24:57.640 --> 00:24:59.768
- Ready to make it rain?
- Ready as I'll ever be.

424
00:25:04.080 --> 00:25:05.650
What are you doing?

425
00:25:05.800 --> 00:25:09.009
I'm required to be in here,
in case you try some monkey business.

426
00:25:09.160 --> 00:25:12.130
Okay. Are you gonna
come in the stall with me too?

427
00:25:12.320 --> 00:25:15.369
No stall, baby doll.
You gotta rock out with that cock out.

428
00:25:15.520 --> 00:25:17.966
I'll just be right behind here,
listening close.

429
00:25:18.160 --> 00:25:21.369
Okay, I kind of have a shy bladder.

430
00:25:21.520 --> 00:25:24.649
Oh, that's too bad,
because you have 30 seconds.

431
00:25:24.800 --> 00:25:26.245
Starting now!

432
00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:33.082
If you're having trouble,
just think of waterfalls!

433
00:25:34.600 --> 00:25:39.083
Or, like, fire hoses just
blasting water out.

434
00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:43.528
22, 21...

435
00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:46.251
Think of, like, things gushing!

436
00:25:46.440 --> 00:25:48.249
Or, like, squirting.

437
00:25:48.440 --> 00:25:50.647
18, 17...

438
00:25:50.800 --> 00:25:55.169
You know, I'm a squirter, but only if I'm,
like, comfortable with a person.

439
00:25:57.200 --> 00:26:01.091
Ten, nine, eight,

440
00:26:01.240 --> 00:26:05.404
seven, six, five...

441
00:26:05.560 --> 00:26:07.244
All right, that's enough! I'm coming in!

442
00:26:08.480 --> 00:26:09.561
Got it!

443
00:26:11.080 --> 00:26:12.570
Hi-ho, Silver.

444
00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:17.285
Wow!

445
00:26:23.360 --> 00:26:26.409
Oh, my God. Oh, shit.

446
00:26:27.840 --> 00:26:30.241
Man, I should get a job more often.

447
00:26:30.440 --> 00:26:33.011
- Fuck, yeah!
- Fuck, yeah! That was awesome.

448
00:26:34.200 --> 00:26:35.804
I have something else for you.

449
00:26:35.960 --> 00:26:37.086
Back door?

450
00:26:37.280 --> 00:26:38.930
- Yeah, I'll go get my strap-on.
- Okay.

451
00:26:39.080 --> 00:26:40.286
You love it!

452
00:26:43.320 --> 00:26:44.970
What is this?

453
00:26:50.080 --> 00:26:52.082
Can I see it?

454
00:26:52.240 --> 00:26:54.242
Yeah, yeah. Of course.

455
00:26:56.000 --> 00:26:57.240
Oh, baby.

456
00:27:00.160 --> 00:27:03.084
My unique skill set allows me
to seamlessly integrate

457
00:27:03.240 --> 00:27:05.561
into a range of management structures,

458
00:27:05.720 --> 00:27:09.327
which makes me highly employable
in today's marketplace.

459
00:27:10.520 --> 00:27:14.206
Mainly I've found that dealing
with people is my best skill.

460
00:27:14.960 --> 00:27:17.611
I have a lot of charisma.

461
00:27:20.280 --> 00:27:24.126
An ordinary man takes everything
as a blessing or a curse.

462
00:27:24.280 --> 00:27:27.329
A warrior takes it as a challenge.

463
00:27:28.800 --> 00:27:30.564
Who are you?

464
00:27:40.520 --> 00:27:42.204
Exciting stuff.

465
00:27:42.360 --> 00:27:43.646
Yeah, it's riveting.

466
00:27:45.520 --> 00:27:48.126
Just follow the boilerplate,
and you'll be fine.

467
00:27:48.280 --> 00:27:51.602
Clients choose from three backgrounds.
Skyline.

468
00:27:51.760 --> 00:27:56.129
There's also Corner Office and Bookshelf.

469
00:27:56.320 --> 00:27:58.641
Corner Office and Bookshelf. Got it.

470
00:28:03.280 --> 00:28:05.328
I made a video in here once.

471
00:28:06.440 --> 00:28:08.966
And I'm not the only one.

472
00:28:09.160 --> 00:28:11.481
Okay, thank you. Thank you.

473
00:28:11.640 --> 00:28:13.961
Oh, Mr. Wilheimer, I wanted
to thank you for this opportunity.

474
00:28:14.120 --> 00:28:17.169
Oh, well, always on the lookout
for fresh talent, Will.

475
00:28:17.320 --> 00:28:18.651
Just one thing.

476
00:28:18.840 --> 00:28:21.491
Could you put me in touch
with that fellow from your video?

477
00:28:21.640 --> 00:28:23.324
The...

478
00:28:26.640 --> 00:28:28.483
Yes, sir. In six months to a year.

479
00:28:30.640 --> 00:28:33.120
Depending on good behavior.

480
00:28:47.360 --> 00:28:50.364
What the fuck? What the fuck!

481
00:28:52.080 --> 00:28:54.606
How is it possible to be this bad?

482
00:28:54.760 --> 00:28:56.364
Ball.

483
00:28:57.600 --> 00:28:58.681
Okay.

484
00:28:59.840 --> 00:29:02.525
Kwan, let's review the basics.

485
00:29:02.680 --> 00:29:03.886
Give and go!

486
00:29:06.880 --> 00:29:08.370
Jesus Christ.

487
00:29:12.440 --> 00:29:16.001
Big Stuff, anyone ever show you
how to set a pick?

488
00:29:16.160 --> 00:29:17.207
No.

489
00:29:21.320 --> 00:29:23.004
Get ready to bring some pain.

490
00:29:31.600 --> 00:29:33.250
Hamilton!

491
00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:34.731
Come here!

492
00:29:36.160 --> 00:29:38.811
This is deer scent.

493
00:29:39.000 --> 00:29:41.207
I use it out in the wild when I hunt.

494
00:29:42.000 --> 00:29:43.889
I use it in here,

495
00:29:44.040 --> 00:29:47.931
when I think a clerk
is ready for his very own desk.

496
00:29:50.040 --> 00:29:51.280
Drink it.

497
00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:57.240
Hold it!

498
00:29:58.520 --> 00:30:00.682
I'm gonna go ahead and let him
make up his own mind.

499
00:30:02.320 --> 00:30:04.322
Do you want your own desk?

500
00:30:04.920 --> 00:30:07.446
Or do you want to be a fucking clerk
the rest of your life?

501
00:30:08.840 --> 00:30:10.444
Your call.

502
00:30:23.320 --> 00:30:24.765
Two-to-one he drinks the deer cum.

503
00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:29.283
Deer cum?

504
00:30:29.440 --> 00:30:31.681
Drink it. Drink the deer cum.

505
00:30:31.840 --> 00:30:33.763
Deer cum.

506
00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:36.764
Deer cum! Deer cum! Deer cum!

507
00:30:54.280 --> 00:30:57.648
Uh-oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I think it's coming back up.

508
00:30:57.800 --> 00:30:59.928
500 bucks says he gonna hurl.

509
00:31:01.480 --> 00:31:05.007
- Breathe.
- You like that nutty taste in your mouth?

510
00:31:05.160 --> 00:31:06.810
Oh, that's Bambi batter.

511
00:31:07.840 --> 00:31:09.330
Give it to me.

512
00:31:09.480 --> 00:31:10.481
Roll it around.

513
00:31:29.800 --> 00:31:31.086
Awesome!

514
00:31:44.040 --> 00:31:45.530
Did you see the arc on that?

515
00:31:48.080 --> 00:31:49.366
You're my bitch.

516
00:31:49.520 --> 00:31:50.965
Hey, guys, you're gonna want
to pause the game for this.

517
00:31:51.120 --> 00:31:52.849
- Ethan, what are you doing, man?
- Come on, man!

518
00:31:53.000 --> 00:31:55.446
It's a game of Halo!
Relax, I've got something to show you.

519
00:31:55.640 --> 00:31:57.881
- Wait!
- Come on, move.

520
00:31:58.800 --> 00:32:00.802
This better be good.

521
00:32:04.800 --> 00:32:06.040
Oh, my God!

522
00:32:06.200 --> 00:32:08.123
Dude, I found some extra tubing
in my chem class.

523
00:32:08.320 --> 00:32:09.685
I put my little boys and girls to work.

524
00:32:09.840 --> 00:32:11.729
- Nice!
- What's the special occasion?

525
00:32:11.880 --> 00:32:13.405
Yeah, we're celebrating me getting a desk.

526
00:32:13.560 --> 00:32:15.847
- Oh, that's right.
- And me buying an island.

527
00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:17.923
- You're not buying an island.
- No?

528
00:32:18.120 --> 00:32:20.168
Because I met someone who knows
Warren Buffett's bridge partner.

529
00:32:20.320 --> 00:32:22.402
I'm gonna offer him some stock
from my company

530
00:32:22.560 --> 00:32:24.801
in exchange for Warren Buffett's
cell phone number.

531
00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:27.480
I'm gonna iSearchU Warren Buffett,
pitch him my app,

532
00:32:27.640 --> 00:32:30.405
gain access to billions of dollars
in venture capital,

533
00:32:30.560 --> 00:32:33.564
buy my island,
and populate it with porn stars.

534
00:32:34.960 --> 00:32:36.041
I'm sorry I doubted you.

535
00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:38.601
- No, you didn't know the plan.
- I didn't know the plan.

536
00:32:40.120 --> 00:32:42.282
Rick. What's up, man?

537
00:32:45.600 --> 00:32:50.561
Oh, Will, this is Katherine Dunn,
Vice President of our Client Services.

538
00:32:50.720 --> 00:32:53.929
It's good to have you back.
Get ready to have your mind blown.

539
00:32:54.080 --> 00:32:56.606
Because I'm taking video résumés
to the next level.

540
00:32:56.760 --> 00:32:58.683
Okay? Ready for this?

541
00:33:03.600 --> 00:33:06.809
People think accountants are a bunch
of number-crunching nerds,

542
00:33:07.000 --> 00:33:08.445
but I'm a jazz buff

543
00:33:08.600 --> 00:33:12.207
I like to think of the tax code
as my instrument.

544
00:33:39.960 --> 00:33:45.000
I'm Tom Wilson,
at tomwilsonaccountant.com.

545
00:33:48.440 --> 00:33:50.966
That was quite impactful.

546
00:33:51.120 --> 00:33:52.281
So, what do we think?

547
00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:53.771
I think it makes him seem youthful.

548
00:33:53.920 --> 00:33:56.082
Yeah, until now,
I always thought of Tom as a total dud.

549
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:02.843
This is an executive placement firm,
Mr. Davis,

550
00:34:03.000 --> 00:34:05.241
not MTV.

551
00:34:05.400 --> 00:34:07.801
Yeah, nobody's going to hire this guy
because of his personality.

552
00:34:07.960 --> 00:34:10.201
Yeah, he needs to look professional.

553
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:13.210
Everyone's always loved
the old résumés, so...

554
00:34:15.040 --> 00:34:16.929
You seem to have mistaken this video

555
00:34:17.080 --> 00:34:21.165
as an opportunity
to express yourself, Mr. Davis.

556
00:34:21.320 --> 00:34:25.086
From now on, you will follow
the guidebook to the letter.

557
00:34:25.240 --> 00:34:29.086
Yeah, I found the guidebook
to be kind of limiting.

558
00:34:31.400 --> 00:34:34.244
I wrote the guidebook, Mr. Davis.

559
00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:36.209
And while I have you here,

560
00:34:36.360 --> 00:34:40.001
there are some issues of comportment
that apparently need clarification.

561
00:34:40.160 --> 00:34:43.403
You will maintain
a professional appearance.

562
00:34:43.600 --> 00:34:46.729
That means a suit and a tie.

563
00:34:47.880 --> 00:34:50.611
It does not mean sneakers.

564
00:34:50.760 --> 00:34:53.331
It does not mean khakis.

565
00:34:53.480 --> 00:34:57.041
It does not mean that unwashed rag
you call a T-shirt.

566
00:34:58.840 --> 00:35:00.046
Got it.

567
00:35:00.240 --> 00:35:01.685
"Got it"?

568
00:35:02.600 --> 00:35:03.601
Understood?

569
00:35:07.360 --> 00:35:09.567
And while I was away,

570
00:35:09.720 --> 00:35:14.123
I was a recipient of several
of your reply-all e-mails.

571
00:35:14.280 --> 00:35:18.046
They were inappropriate, offensive,

572
00:35:18.200 --> 00:35:22.171
and most of all, not funny.

573
00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:26.325
Nobody wants a birthday spanking
from you, Mr. Davis.

574
00:35:30.360 --> 00:35:35.048
And finally, I took a look
at your Facebook page

575
00:35:35.200 --> 00:35:38.409
and was confronted with this sordid image.

576
00:35:41.080 --> 00:35:43.242
I was there for the buffet.

577
00:35:44.600 --> 00:35:49.401
You are an employee
of this company, Mr. Davis.

578
00:35:49.560 --> 00:35:53.724
Your behavior must conform
to the exacting standards

579
00:35:53.920 --> 00:35:57.208
of the Wilheimer Executive Placement Firm.

580
00:35:57.360 --> 00:35:59.761
- Is that understood?
- Understood.

581
00:35:59.920 --> 00:36:02.400
- Understood?
- Understood.

582
00:36:06.800 --> 00:36:08.723
Hi, Pearl. Roger Davis.

583
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:10.723
Is Mr. Gentry in?

584
00:36:10.880 --> 00:36:12.689
He's not? Okay.

585
00:36:12.840 --> 00:36:16.083
Do you know if he's had a chance
to look at my résumé yet?

586
00:36:17.480 --> 00:36:20.848
Regional Distribution Manager,
Scanner and Disk Duplicator Division?

587
00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:25.370
No. Okay.

588
00:36:27.000 --> 00:36:32.245
Do you know if he received the package
of Rockin' Moroccan coffee that...

589
00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:35.563
Oh, hello?
Okay, why don't you hang up first?

590
00:36:39.520 --> 00:36:41.329
- Hey!
- Hey.

591
00:36:41.480 --> 00:36:42.845
Hi, buddy!

592
00:36:43.840 --> 00:36:46.366
Come on into my office here.

593
00:36:46.520 --> 00:36:48.124
Cammy, come on over.

594
00:36:48.280 --> 00:36:50.931
This is Will.
Will, this is my friend, Cammy.

595
00:36:51.080 --> 00:36:53.242
Hey, Will. How's the job working out?

596
00:36:53.440 --> 00:36:55.841
- It's good.
- Good.

597
00:36:56.000 --> 00:36:57.843
Dad, what did you do to your beard?

598
00:36:58.000 --> 00:37:01.482
Well, I lost two jobs in a week
to people in their 30s.

599
00:37:01.640 --> 00:37:05.690
So Cammy volunteered
to make me look ten years younger.

600
00:37:05.840 --> 00:37:08.684
Gothic Raven. What do you think?

601
00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:11.203
Yeah.

602
00:37:11.360 --> 00:37:13.044
Cammy, are you helping him out
with his Twitter feed, too?

603
00:37:13.200 --> 00:37:15.009
Oh, Rog doesn't need any help.

604
00:37:15.160 --> 00:37:18.050
Yeah? I think Rog needs
a little bit of help.

605
00:37:18.200 --> 00:37:22.410
"My friend Jim lost his mother
yesterday. LOL, Jim."

606
00:37:22.560 --> 00:37:24.528
What? "Lots of love."

607
00:37:24.720 --> 00:37:26.961
It's okay. You want another one, Rog?

608
00:37:27.120 --> 00:37:29.441
Keep them coming.
Oh, one for Will, too, please.

609
00:37:29.640 --> 00:37:31.722
- Oh, yeah.
- I'm okay, whoever you are.

610
00:37:31.880 --> 00:37:33.803
So, what's up?

611
00:37:33.960 --> 00:37:36.725
Well, my supervisor's back from leave,
and she is a total ballbuster.

612
00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:38.564
I mean, she was on my ass
about my e-mails,

613
00:37:38.720 --> 00:37:40.643
and my Facebook page,
and how I dress in front of everybody.

614
00:37:40.800 --> 00:37:42.723
It was humiliating.

615
00:37:42.880 --> 00:37:44.962
Wait, this isn't how you dress
at work, is it?

616
00:37:45.120 --> 00:37:48.363
Dad, I'm the video guy.
Who cares what I look like?

617
00:37:48.520 --> 00:37:51.729
Look, just stop, okay? Stop for a second.

618
00:37:51.880 --> 00:37:56.522
Your clients pay $30,000
for your services.

619
00:37:56.680 --> 00:37:58.170
They care what you look like.

620
00:37:58.320 --> 00:38:01.483
You need to conform to their standards,
not the other way around.

621
00:38:01.640 --> 00:38:05.281
And the fact that you can't grasp that
is mind-boggling!

622
00:38:06.720 --> 00:38:07.846
What is up with you?

623
00:38:08.000 --> 00:38:11.322
What is up with me is,
I've sent out hundreds of résumés,

624
00:38:11.480 --> 00:38:13.767
and I've gotten only three interviews.

625
00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:17.083
What is up with me is,
I don't want to hear you bitch and moan

626
00:38:17.240 --> 00:38:20.164
that your employer makes you act
in a professional manner.

627
00:38:20.360 --> 00:38:21.771
That is what's up with me.

628
00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:24.082
Okay, Dad, well, look,
I'm sorry for telling you how I feel.

629
00:38:24.280 --> 00:38:27.045
I didn't know just because I have a job and
you don't that you wouldn't listen to me.

630
00:38:27.240 --> 00:38:31.370
Oh, I'm listening, all right,
but all I hear is a spoiled little brat!

631
00:38:32.520 --> 00:38:33.646
Okay.

632
00:38:36.640 --> 00:38:37.971
You look like Billy Mays.

633
00:38:40.720 --> 00:38:43.371
- I look like Willie Mays?
- You look like Billy Mays!

634
00:38:43.520 --> 00:38:45.488
Who's Billy Mays?

635
00:38:46.120 --> 00:38:48.407
If you're gonna tell someone off,
make it clear!

636
00:39:01.560 --> 00:39:03.403
What do you think?

637
00:39:03.560 --> 00:39:06.803
Hot. Very, very hot.

638
00:39:09.200 --> 00:39:11.487
They're Prada.

639
00:39:11.640 --> 00:39:13.449
They were $779.

640
00:39:15.240 --> 00:39:17.208
I know. I just...

641
00:39:19.040 --> 00:39:21.281
I just want them
to take me seriously at work.

642
00:39:21.440 --> 00:39:24.046
Everybody takes you seriously.

643
00:39:24.720 --> 00:39:27.326
- They do?
- Yes, they do.

644
00:39:27.480 --> 00:39:29.403
Sophomore year.

645
00:39:29.560 --> 00:39:32.564
We're running Ultimate Frisbee drills
down in the lounge.

646
00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:36.001
Ethan comes in and says
that there's a situation

647
00:39:36.160 --> 00:39:38.128
that I need to handle downstairs.

648
00:39:38.280 --> 00:39:43.320
So, I go downstairs,
and I see this tiny little person

649
00:39:43.520 --> 00:39:45.409
in pajamas and slippers,

650
00:39:45.560 --> 00:39:49.007
and she is so, so angry.

651
00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:51.365
I was trying to study.

652
00:39:52.760 --> 00:39:56.526
The moment that I saw you, I knew that
you were someone to take seriously.

653
00:40:00.680 --> 00:40:02.921
What are you gonna do about work, Will?

654
00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:53.684
Have a nice day, boys!

655
00:40:58.840 --> 00:41:01.286
Hey! Ooh, it's coming down.

656
00:41:03.080 --> 00:41:05.560
- Look at you.
- Yeah, right?

657
00:41:06.280 --> 00:41:08.123
Look at you.

658
00:41:08.280 --> 00:41:10.123
Oh, yeah.

659
00:41:10.320 --> 00:41:12.766
- Yeah, looks good.
- Well... Thanks.

660
00:41:14.120 --> 00:41:17.488
- So, is anything good here?
- Oh, everything's good here.

661
00:41:17.640 --> 00:41:18.846
- Really?
- Yeah.

662
00:41:19.000 --> 00:41:21.162
Can I get two pork and bean burritos,

663
00:41:21.320 --> 00:41:23.209
four beef machacas, and two beers?

664
00:41:25.040 --> 00:41:27.884
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I'm paying for our...

665
00:41:28.040 --> 00:41:29.644
No, you're not. Tonight's on me.

666
00:41:37.560 --> 00:41:38.607
Oh, man.

667
00:41:38.760 --> 00:41:40.888
This is my first machaca. It's great.

668
00:41:43.840 --> 00:41:45.046
Hey, Dad.

669
00:41:46.080 --> 00:41:47.650
I'm sorry about last week.

670
00:41:49.600 --> 00:41:51.170
Yeah, me too.

671
00:41:54.480 --> 00:41:58.201
Could we get some beer, please?
Two tequila shots.

672
00:41:59.520 --> 00:42:01.010
Let's get hammered.

673
00:42:01.200 --> 00:42:02.326
Cheers.

674
00:42:04.240 --> 00:42:05.366
Drink up.

675
00:42:07.080 --> 00:42:08.206
- Fuck.
- See?

676
00:42:08.360 --> 00:42:09.361
Yeah, it's all right.

677
00:42:09.520 --> 00:42:11.249
All right, Dad.
You know why we're doing this?

678
00:42:11.400 --> 00:42:12.526
- Why?
- We're doing this

679
00:42:12.680 --> 00:42:14.205
so that what's-his-name...

680
00:42:14.360 --> 00:42:15.646
- Your...
- Oh, my guy?

681
00:42:15.840 --> 00:42:18.446
James Gentry. The decision maker.

682
00:42:18.640 --> 00:42:21.291
Right. So James Gentry
can find out who you are.

683
00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:24.125
Yeah. Who am I?

684
00:42:25.360 --> 00:42:27.249
You're a great man.

685
00:42:30.000 --> 00:42:33.686
You supported me my whole life, Dad.
Let me repay the favor, please.

686
00:42:36.120 --> 00:42:37.121
Okay.

687
00:42:37.320 --> 00:42:39.049
- Okay. Ready?
- Okay.

688
00:42:39.240 --> 00:42:41.447
- Do this again, that makes me know.
- Yeah, okay.

689
00:42:42.240 --> 00:42:43.924
Let's press record.

690
00:42:45.800 --> 00:42:48.531
- Go.
- My name is Roger Davis.

691
00:42:48.680 --> 00:42:51.809
I'm very punctual, and faithful...

692
00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:55.243
Oh, God! I'm so terrible at this.

693
00:42:58.680 --> 00:43:02.401
I need to do something productive.

694
00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:06.570
Something worthwhile.

695
00:43:08.640 --> 00:43:10.404
Really all it's about.

696
00:43:13.200 --> 00:43:15.487
Do you know, work has always
been more important to me

697
00:43:15.640 --> 00:43:17.483
than anyone else I know?

698
00:43:17.640 --> 00:43:21.087
It just has. I love it. I love it.

699
00:43:25.560 --> 00:43:28.723
I just need to get into
the employer and see them.

700
00:43:28.880 --> 00:43:31.281
Do you know? One-on-one.

701
00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:34.523
And if they can just
somehow get to know me,

702
00:43:34.680 --> 00:43:35.806
just even a little bit,

703
00:43:35.960 --> 00:43:39.009
then they would know
why they should hire me.

704
00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:43.444
That is the goal. That's the goal.

705
00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:49.645
So, anyway, I'm sorry. I'm blabbering on.

706
00:43:49.800 --> 00:43:51.643
All right, we need to do this.

707
00:43:51.800 --> 00:43:54.451
- All right.
- No, we're good.

708
00:43:54.600 --> 00:43:55.965
No, I'll try it, I'll try it.

709
00:43:56.120 --> 00:43:57.724
Dad, another time.

710
00:43:58.400 --> 00:43:59.640
All right.

711
00:43:59.800 --> 00:44:02.531
If I drink anymore of this,
this is not going to go well.

712
00:44:02.680 --> 00:44:04.205
- Well, we got six more to go.
- Whoa!

713
00:44:05.440 --> 00:44:06.487
Yeah!

714
00:44:07.880 --> 00:44:09.644
You did that on purpose, didn't you?

715
00:44:09.800 --> 00:44:12.121
- Absolutely!
- You did!

716
00:44:12.280 --> 00:44:13.611
You did, too.

717
00:44:30.400 --> 00:44:34.041
- Good afternoon, Mr. Buffett.
- Oh, jeez!

718
00:44:34.200 --> 00:44:36.487
I am sure you're wondering
how I knew that you were in town.

719
00:44:36.640 --> 00:44:39.962
Because you read it in the LA Times?

720
00:44:40.120 --> 00:44:41.360
Damn it!

721
00:44:41.520 --> 00:44:44.364
Actually, through the use
of GPS triangulation,

722
00:44:44.520 --> 00:44:46.522
my app, the iSearchU,

723
00:44:46.680 --> 00:44:48.284
allowed me to send you a text message

724
00:44:48.440 --> 00:44:50.169
and receive back your exact location,

725
00:44:50.320 --> 00:44:52.607
right down to this stall. It's incredible!

726
00:44:52.760 --> 00:44:56.003
You know Foursquare
does that already, right?

727
00:44:56.160 --> 00:44:57.446
No, no, no. You don't get it.

728
00:44:57.600 --> 00:45:00.206
Foursquare lets you
tell other people where you are.

729
00:45:00.360 --> 00:45:03.921
My app tells me where you are
even if you don't want me to know.

730
00:45:04.080 --> 00:45:05.889
It's a game changer, sir, okay?

731
00:45:06.040 --> 00:45:08.088
I'm telling you, if you say yes right now,

732
00:45:08.240 --> 00:45:11.164
I can promise you 50-50 in my company.

733
00:45:14.720 --> 00:45:16.927
60-40.

734
00:45:17.080 --> 00:45:18.809
You drive a hard bargain, sir.

735
00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:21.361
65-35, last offer.

736
00:45:23.440 --> 00:45:26.569
You know... I like it.

737
00:45:27.560 --> 00:45:29.085
You do?

738
00:45:29.240 --> 00:45:31.402
Let me text my people.

739
00:45:31.560 --> 00:45:33.688
Oh, my God! I knew that you would like it.

740
00:45:33.840 --> 00:45:36.764
You're the Oracle of Omaha.
You are a visionary like me, sir.

741
00:45:36.960 --> 00:45:39.167
This is incredible.

742
00:45:39.320 --> 00:45:40.810
What the fuck is this?

743
00:45:40.960 --> 00:45:42.450
What the fuck? Hey!

744
00:45:43.880 --> 00:45:45.848
Who has security guards
when they take shits?

745
00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:47.889
What the fuck is wrong with you, Buffett?

746
00:45:48.040 --> 00:45:50.281
You can't hide from the iStalkU!

747
00:45:50.440 --> 00:45:52.124
Buffett!

748
00:45:53.320 --> 00:45:56.881
Double-shot white chocolate mocha
with extra cream.

749
00:45:57.040 --> 00:45:58.849
Where are we on the Fredericks video?

750
00:45:59.000 --> 00:46:00.843
On schedule for tomorrow afternoon.

751
00:46:01.680 --> 00:46:04.331
I was hoping for some personal time
tomorrow afternoon.

752
00:46:06.040 --> 00:46:07.041
Say no more.

753
00:46:07.240 --> 00:46:09.925
I will stay late tonight and get it
to you first thing in the morning.

754
00:46:13.320 --> 00:46:14.685
Will?

755
00:46:15.880 --> 00:46:17.848
There are going to be
some changes around here.

756
00:46:19.280 --> 00:46:20.611
Changes?

757
00:46:20.760 --> 00:46:24.367
I'm taking Wilheimer
into the 21 st century.

758
00:46:24.520 --> 00:46:29.363
There will be a new position created,
Vice President of Corporate Communications.

759
00:46:29.520 --> 00:46:32.967
You keep up the good work,
that Vice President is you.

760
00:46:35.360 --> 00:46:37.169
- Hey, Fernando.
- Fernando.

761
00:46:37.320 --> 00:46:38.606
- Sorry?
- Fernando.

762
00:46:38.760 --> 00:46:41.730
Fernando, right.
Tanya said that I should talk to you.

763
00:46:41.880 --> 00:46:43.405
About what?

764
00:46:43.560 --> 00:46:45.483
I have some extra work
that I'm doing tonight,

765
00:46:45.640 --> 00:46:47.768
and I just need a little help.

766
00:46:47.920 --> 00:46:50.969
- You want me to do your work for you?
- No, no, no.

767
00:46:51.160 --> 00:46:54.164
What I'm saying is that she said
that I should talk to you.

768
00:46:54.320 --> 00:46:55.481
About, you know...

769
00:46:58.160 --> 00:46:59.685
I have ADD.

770
00:47:01.600 --> 00:47:04.206
You know there's
two Fernandos in this office?

771
00:47:05.520 --> 00:47:08.649
Fernando Little,
Director of Client Services,

772
00:47:08.840 --> 00:47:11.366
Division Sales Leader,
three years running.

773
00:47:11.520 --> 00:47:13.443
And Fernando, the janitor.

774
00:47:16.320 --> 00:47:18.527
Mi madre, she's a psychiatrist.

775
00:47:18.680 --> 00:47:21.411
So, I can hook you up
with whatever you need.

776
00:47:21.560 --> 00:47:22.846
Those are drugs.

777
00:47:24.600 --> 00:47:25.886
Saw you last night.

778
00:47:28.120 --> 00:47:29.690
With tu papa.

779
00:47:31.360 --> 00:47:33.044
You're not gonna tell anyone, are you?

780
00:47:35.280 --> 00:47:37.248
Wasn't close to mi papa.

781
00:47:38.280 --> 00:47:39.691
Your words...

782
00:47:41.520 --> 00:47:42.760
They moved me.

783
00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:50.250
I will take it to the grave.

784
00:47:51.760 --> 00:47:53.922
Now, someone with extra work...

785
00:47:55.440 --> 00:47:58.330
- may I recommend...
- Dexedrine?

786
00:48:01.040 --> 00:48:02.485
Sexy Dexy.

787
00:48:03.200 --> 00:48:07.649
He's an attorney.
And I worked at his legal practice,

788
00:48:07.800 --> 00:48:10.280
as an intern...

789
00:48:10.440 --> 00:48:14.650
Mainly I found that dealing
with people was my best skill.

790
00:48:14.800 --> 00:48:17.201
So, he would have me deliver...

791
00:48:17.360 --> 00:48:19.408
We started out delivering packages...

792
00:48:21.720 --> 00:48:24.246
And then ultimately...

793
00:48:24.400 --> 00:48:26.368
I have a lot of charisma.

794
00:48:27.840 --> 00:48:28.921
My unique... I can be...

795
00:48:29.080 --> 00:48:30.491
...makes me highly...

796
00:48:30.640 --> 00:48:34.008
...highly employable
in today's marketplace.

797
00:48:37.200 --> 00:48:39.248
I'm Lawrence Wilheimer and I'm old!

798
00:48:39.400 --> 00:48:41.482
And I don't understand technology
because I'm so old.

799
00:48:41.640 --> 00:48:44.246
So I have Will
clear my browser history every day!

800
00:48:45.760 --> 00:48:46.807
Oh, my God!

801
00:48:46.960 --> 00:48:48.689
- Who's the decision maker?
- You are.

802
00:48:48.840 --> 00:48:51.286
- You... You're... You are...
- That's good.

803
00:48:52.760 --> 00:48:54.728
- Will Davis.
- Dude!

804
00:48:54.880 --> 00:48:56.848
- You're viral!
- What?

805
00:48:57.000 --> 00:49:00.607
Your Skeezy video has over
114,000 hits on YouTube!

806
00:49:00.760 --> 00:49:02.808
- YouTube?
- Yeah, YouTube.

807
00:49:03.000 --> 00:49:04.001
YouTube? YouTube?

808
00:49:04.160 --> 00:49:05.605
It's fucking YouTube.
Am I saying this wrong?

809
00:49:05.760 --> 00:49:07.125
- Yeah, that's YouTube.
- That's YouTube, right?

810
00:49:07.280 --> 00:49:08.406
- Yeah, that's...
- Yeah, let him know.

811
00:49:08.560 --> 00:49:09.686
It's YouTube, Will!

812
00:49:14.680 --> 00:49:16.205
Well, I structured my business

813
00:49:16.360 --> 00:49:19.489
around the same eco-friendly model
as Ben and Jerry's.

814
00:49:19.680 --> 00:49:20.761
You know what I'm sayin'?

815
00:49:20.920 --> 00:49:23.651
Bitches going to go for
the pimp with best work environment.

816
00:49:23.800 --> 00:49:26.644
That's why we got free STD testing,
free condoms...

817
00:49:26.800 --> 00:49:29.340
I'm viral! Yes!

818
00:49:29.440 --> 00:49:33.365
And even a dental plan.
You can't be having no toothless bitches!

819
00:49:34.320 --> 00:49:36.926
How much you know about us
as a company, Will?

820
00:49:37.080 --> 00:49:39.082
Absolutely nothing.

821
00:49:39.240 --> 00:49:42.722
Join the club, brother. We will fix that.

822
00:49:42.880 --> 00:49:44.962
- Sweat Body Spray?
- Yeah.

823
00:49:45.120 --> 00:49:46.485
When kids put that on,

824
00:49:46.640 --> 00:49:48.642
I want them to know
they're sending a message.

825
00:49:48.800 --> 00:49:51.246
- Guess what the message is?
- "I'm cool."

826
00:49:51.400 --> 00:49:54.051
No, the message is, "I'm down to fuck."

827
00:49:54.200 --> 00:49:56.851
- Okay.
- Or be fucked.

828
00:49:58.480 --> 00:50:01.927
Hey, Lon. I still don't know
why I'm here exactly.

829
00:50:02.080 --> 00:50:03.923
Why you're here?
I'll tell you why you're here.

830
00:50:04.080 --> 00:50:06.003
You're here because I want you

831
00:50:06.160 --> 00:50:08.527
to head up
our Internet and viral marketing.

832
00:50:10.800 --> 00:50:12.040
You're offering me a job?

833
00:50:12.200 --> 00:50:13.804
I saw the Skeezy D video,

834
00:50:13.960 --> 00:50:15.928
and it blew my fucking mind inside out!

835
00:50:16.080 --> 00:50:17.411
I'm up all night. I can't sleep

836
00:50:17.560 --> 00:50:20.291
because I'm watching this video
over and over and over again,

837
00:50:20.440 --> 00:50:23.205
screaming at the TV,
"Just tell me what you want me to buy!"

838
00:50:24.680 --> 00:50:26.728
Yeah. Ooh, spank that monkey.

839
00:50:26.880 --> 00:50:28.803
Spank, spank that monkey, yeah.

840
00:50:30.120 --> 00:50:32.168
That's my niece.

841
00:50:32.320 --> 00:50:35.051
All right, so what kind of salary
are we talking?

842
00:50:35.200 --> 00:50:37.726
Okay. I can offer you 22.

843
00:50:37.880 --> 00:50:40.087
Ooh, that's not a lot.

844
00:50:41.080 --> 00:50:42.445
Will...

845
00:50:42.640 --> 00:50:46.008
We're marketing to kids that were doing
triple irony in kindergarten.

846
00:50:46.160 --> 00:50:47.889
And you...

847
00:50:48.040 --> 00:50:49.485
You are so fucking ironic,

848
00:50:49.640 --> 00:50:52.530
you've gone all the way around the track,
back to authentic.

849
00:50:54.600 --> 00:50:57.126
You're irontic, man. You're irontic!

850
00:50:57.320 --> 00:50:58.481
"Irontic"?

851
00:50:59.880 --> 00:51:02.884
- Ding-dong! Going down.
- What are you doing?

852
00:51:03.080 --> 00:51:06.721
Will, if you told me to take
our entire marketing budget

853
00:51:06.880 --> 00:51:10.726
and blow it on a billboard with nothing
but pictures of fat, veiny cocks, I'd do it!

854
00:51:10.920 --> 00:51:12.331
I'll do whatever you say!

855
00:51:12.480 --> 00:51:15.086
Tell me what to do, man.
Tell me what to do!

856
00:51:16.240 --> 00:51:17.287
Guess who's awesome?

857
00:51:17.440 --> 00:51:19.920
I am. Will is awesome. I did it.

858
00:51:20.080 --> 00:51:21.844
I stepped up, babe. I did exactly...

859
00:51:22.000 --> 00:51:24.162
There you are. I did exactly
what you told me to do.

860
00:51:24.320 --> 00:51:26.641
I stepped up big time.
And I got great news for us.

861
00:51:26.800 --> 00:51:28.928
- I got fired.
- What?

862
00:51:30.920 --> 00:51:32.001
I got fired today.

863
00:51:32.160 --> 00:51:34.083
They called me in to Human Resources,

864
00:51:34.240 --> 00:51:37.483
and I thought I was getting promoted.
That's how stupid I am.

865
00:51:37.640 --> 00:51:39.290
You're not stupid.

866
00:51:40.680 --> 00:51:42.091
Yeah, I am.

867
00:51:43.240 --> 00:51:44.765
I'm $90,000 in debt.

868
00:51:44.920 --> 00:51:48.561
And I spent $779 on a pair of shoes!

869
00:51:48.720 --> 00:51:51.166
It's going to be okay.

870
00:51:51.320 --> 00:51:53.766
No, it's not.
How is this going to be okay?

871
00:51:53.960 --> 00:51:56.725
Because you're gonna...
You're gonna get another job.

872
00:52:01.960 --> 00:52:03.962
I'm sorry, Will...

873
00:52:05.920 --> 00:52:07.922
What are you... What are we celebrating?

874
00:52:13.880 --> 00:52:16.929
Katherine is gonna
put me up for a promotion.

875
00:52:20.840 --> 00:52:23.047
That's great! That's great.

876
00:52:24.960 --> 00:52:27.008
At least one of us has a career, right?

877
00:52:27.200 --> 00:52:28.531
Come here.

878
00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:31.365
That's great.

879
00:52:33.200 --> 00:52:35.009
What am I going to do for rent?

880
00:52:46.600 --> 00:52:48.011
Hey, roomie!

881
00:52:51.840 --> 00:52:55.208
FYI, we leave porn laying around,
so just, like, embrace it.

882
00:52:56.720 --> 00:52:58.643
The week started out bad.

883
00:52:58.800 --> 00:53:00.723
My severance ran out.
The mortgage was due.

884
00:53:00.880 --> 00:53:04.362
I pillaged my 401 (k). I was spiraling.

885
00:53:04.520 --> 00:53:08.002
And then on Tuesday,
I finally get an interview with Xerox.

886
00:53:09.160 --> 00:53:13.085
And I went in there and I killed.

887
00:53:13.240 --> 00:53:17.882
I mean, it was the kind of interview
that you dream about.

888
00:53:18.040 --> 00:53:23.080
And it was so good,
that I remember tearing up in the elevator.

889
00:53:23.240 --> 00:53:26.130
And I knew... I knew they were
gonna send me on to Gentry.

890
00:53:26.280 --> 00:53:29.329
I knew I was finally going to meet
the decision maker.

891
00:53:33.280 --> 00:53:36.250
And ever since then, nothing.

892
00:53:39.640 --> 00:53:41.290
Bupkis.

893
00:53:42.160 --> 00:53:44.162
I just need the bathroom key.

894
00:53:46.240 --> 00:53:47.685
Sorry.

895
00:53:51.400 --> 00:53:52.765
Cammy!

896
00:53:52.920 --> 00:53:54.809
How do I get to James Gentry?

897
00:53:55.000 --> 00:53:57.924
I've e-mailed, I've texted,
I've twittered.

898
00:53:58.080 --> 00:54:00.401
I've called his home. I spoke to his wife.

899
00:54:00.560 --> 00:54:01.925
You called his house?

900
00:54:02.080 --> 00:54:03.411
Well, the conversation was brief.

901
00:54:03.560 --> 00:54:05.005
It was dinner time. She had company.

902
00:54:05.160 --> 00:54:06.730
But I think I made an impression!

903
00:54:06.880 --> 00:54:08.882
Maybe you should focus
on more than one job listing.

904
00:54:09.040 --> 00:54:10.769
I'm so perfect for this job!

905
00:54:10.920 --> 00:54:12.922
I just have to get myself
in front of the guy

906
00:54:13.080 --> 00:54:15.924
who can actually pull the trigger
and hire me!

907
00:54:16.080 --> 00:54:18.162
It is ABC time!

908
00:54:18.320 --> 00:54:21.927
One way or another,
I've got to get to the decision maker.

909
00:54:22.080 --> 00:54:24.128
- Yes.
- Whoa!

910
00:54:26.520 --> 00:54:30.047
James Gentry, prepare to meet Roger Davis.

911
00:54:35.120 --> 00:54:36.360
Yo.

912
00:54:36.520 --> 00:54:39.046
Hey, man. Listen to my dad's latest tweet.

913
00:54:39.200 --> 00:54:40.326
"It ends today.

914
00:54:40.480 --> 00:54:43.609
"ABC, equal sign,
Annihilation Brings Closure.

915
00:54:43.800 --> 00:54:45.802
"Roger Davis,
symbol for greater than James Gentry."

916
00:54:45.960 --> 00:54:47.086
What the hell does that mean?

917
00:54:47.240 --> 00:54:49.129
I don't know, man, but it sounds ominous.

918
00:54:49.280 --> 00:54:50.725
Yeah, it definitely doesn't sound good.

919
00:54:52.000 --> 00:54:54.401
Yeah, this is bad.
Look, Luke, we gotta go find my dad.

920
00:54:54.600 --> 00:54:55.840
All right, here I come.

921
00:54:57.400 --> 00:55:00.210
Yeah, it's Fifth and Spring,
right off the 101, big gray building.

922
00:55:08.480 --> 00:55:09.606
Excuse me, sir.

923
00:55:09.760 --> 00:55:11.046
Check in with the front desk, please.

924
00:55:11.240 --> 00:55:12.730
Oh, right, right.

925
00:55:14.480 --> 00:55:17.609
All right.
I'll take care of that this afternoon.

926
00:55:17.760 --> 00:55:20.411
All right. All right, bye-bye.

927
00:55:21.560 --> 00:55:22.925
Good afternoon.

928
00:55:25.480 --> 00:55:27.881
Roger Davis here to see James Gentry.

929
00:55:28.040 --> 00:55:29.405
You could sign in.

930
00:55:32.120 --> 00:55:33.690
Sir?

931
00:55:35.600 --> 00:55:37.921
I'm going to need you
to exit the building.

932
00:55:41.920 --> 00:55:43.365
Okay.

933
00:55:48.280 --> 00:55:50.521
Or... how about this?

934
00:55:51.960 --> 00:55:56.284
How about I'm not going anywhere
until after I see the decision maker.

935
00:56:07.040 --> 00:56:08.201
Katherine?

936
00:56:09.120 --> 00:56:11.009
- Mr. Wilheimer.
- Yeah.

937
00:56:11.160 --> 00:56:13.322
Look, family emergency.
I need to leave early.

938
00:56:13.480 --> 00:56:14.925
We're starting the Fredericks meeting.

939
00:56:15.080 --> 00:56:16.764
Okay. Well, how important is it
that I'm there?

940
00:56:16.920 --> 00:56:18.763
How important is keeping your job?

941
00:56:20.280 --> 00:56:22.362
Katherine, I'm sorry. My dad needs me.

942
00:56:23.560 --> 00:56:25.483
Nearest exit, everybody!

943
00:56:31.880 --> 00:56:32.881
Go, mi amigo.

944
00:56:33.040 --> 00:56:35.407
Wait, did you pull that for me?

945
00:56:35.560 --> 00:56:37.244
Go to tu papa.

946
00:56:48.960 --> 00:56:51.440
- Hurry up!
- He's at Millennium Plaza.

947
00:56:52.920 --> 00:56:54.126
How do you know?

948
00:56:55.240 --> 00:56:57.242
iStalkU, motherfucker!

949
00:57:07.200 --> 00:57:10.204
You can't wait here, sir.
Why don't you find a Starbucks?

950
00:57:10.400 --> 00:57:12.801
Why don't you find a suck-my-cock-bucks?

951
00:57:14.640 --> 00:57:18.122
Sorry. That was uncalled for.

952
00:57:19.000 --> 00:57:20.490
Where are we going?

953
00:57:20.640 --> 00:57:22.688
It's saying he's, like, around...

954
00:57:25.960 --> 00:57:27.371
I shouldn't have said what I said.

955
00:57:27.520 --> 00:57:30.171
But I'd like to let you know
that if you call Pearl,

956
00:57:30.320 --> 00:57:32.641
Pearl knows me and you just tell her...

957
00:57:32.840 --> 00:57:35.002
Hey, hey! That's my dad.

958
00:57:35.160 --> 00:57:37.049
- Will?
- Whatever he did, if you just let him go,

959
00:57:37.200 --> 00:57:39.567
I promise I'll get him home safely.

960
00:57:39.720 --> 00:57:42.451
Look, please, sir.
Don't embarrass him anymore.

961
00:57:43.320 --> 00:57:44.526
Please.

962
00:57:50.200 --> 00:57:51.725
Go on, Mr. Davis.

963
00:57:51.880 --> 00:57:53.086
Thank you.

964
00:57:58.240 --> 00:58:01.210
Wait a minute. That's... That's Gentry.

965
00:58:01.360 --> 00:58:04.807
That's him. That's the decision maker.

966
00:58:37.640 --> 00:58:38.846
Dad!

967
00:58:45.160 --> 00:58:46.161
Go!

968
00:58:51.360 --> 00:58:53.488
I was captain of my Ultimate Frisbee team.

969
00:58:53.640 --> 00:58:54.880
Shut up!

970
00:58:55.040 --> 00:58:57.361
Hold it. Hold it!

971
00:58:57.520 --> 00:58:59.568
Hold it, hold it. Thank you.

972
00:58:59.760 --> 00:59:01.649
No! Oh!

973
00:59:01.800 --> 00:59:03.131
Hold it, hold on!

974
00:59:11.400 --> 00:59:13.209
Mr. Gentry, my name is Roger Davis.

975
00:59:14.320 --> 00:59:16.049
Stay away from me. I'll call security.

976
00:59:16.240 --> 00:59:17.844
They know I'm here.

977
00:59:18.000 --> 00:59:20.890
Now, sir. I know you must think
that I'm psychotic.

978
00:59:21.040 --> 00:59:23.247
I'm not psychotic. I'm not.

979
00:59:23.400 --> 00:59:26.131
I'm just a man driven to desperation

980
00:59:26.280 --> 00:59:30.330
by months and months
of rejection and indifference.

981
00:59:31.160 --> 00:59:32.685
I'm a human being,

982
00:59:32.880 --> 00:59:35.326
asking for an opportunity
to tell you face to face

983
00:59:35.480 --> 00:59:39.565
why I think I would be great
for your company.

984
00:59:42.760 --> 00:59:45.570
This is my resume. My son made this.

985
00:59:47.520 --> 00:59:49.522
Why me?

986
00:59:50.880 --> 00:59:54.282
Because you, sir, are the decision maker.

987
01:00:05.440 --> 01:00:07.363
What happened?

988
01:00:08.880 --> 01:00:10.484
I got an interview.

989
01:00:10.640 --> 01:00:13.140
Yeah!

990
01:00:13.240 --> 01:00:14.890
- Nice!
- All right!

991
01:00:18.040 --> 01:00:19.883
- Yes!
- There we go.

992
01:01:47.440 --> 01:01:49.124
There can be only one.

993
01:01:49.280 --> 01:01:51.442
- Hey.
- Hey.

994
01:01:55.560 --> 01:01:57.244
Katherine wants to see you in her office.

995
01:01:57.440 --> 01:01:58.726
Fuck.

996
01:02:01.720 --> 01:02:03.290
Goodbye head?

997
01:02:03.440 --> 01:02:06.603
What? No. What is wrong with you?

998
01:02:09.200 --> 01:02:11.123
I'm really bored.

999
01:02:23.480 --> 01:02:25.562
Isn't it a glorious day?

1000
01:02:26.920 --> 01:02:28.251
What's glorious about it?

1001
01:02:28.400 --> 01:02:30.971
I've rid this company of the dead wood.

1002
01:02:31.120 --> 01:02:32.610
We are leaner and meaner.

1003
01:02:34.040 --> 01:02:37.601
This is a contract.

1004
01:02:39.160 --> 01:02:40.605
It's a what?

1005
01:02:41.680 --> 01:02:44.001
You're now Vice President
of Corporate Communications.

1006
01:02:44.160 --> 01:02:48.245
Your salary is $52,000.

1007
01:02:50.040 --> 01:02:51.246
52,000?

1008
01:02:51.400 --> 01:02:55.086
You'll be doing the work of three people.
Get used to eating dinner at your desk.

1009
01:02:57.320 --> 01:03:00.927
Now that I've turned you around,
it was easier to kick you upstairs

1010
01:03:01.080 --> 01:03:03.128
than to train someone new.

1011
01:03:03.280 --> 01:03:05.851
Just don't forget who did the kicking.

1012
01:03:07.320 --> 01:03:09.049
- Yeah.
- Come here.

1013
01:03:15.640 --> 01:03:18.644
I own you, Mr. Davis.

1014
01:03:24.760 --> 01:03:27.923
Get to work, VP.

1015
01:03:51.920 --> 01:03:53.445
Yes!

1016
01:03:58.640 --> 01:04:00.051
Why are you massaging my girlfriend?

1017
01:04:00.200 --> 01:04:02.009
Don't break her concentration.

1018
01:04:02.160 --> 01:04:04.128
She's about to get
to the Living Legend achievement.

1019
01:04:04.280 --> 01:04:06.044
This is fucking crazy, man!
She's on a killing spree.

1020
01:04:06.200 --> 01:04:07.201
Killing frenzy.

1021
01:04:07.400 --> 01:04:10.483
- Your girlfriend is a fucking prodigy, bro.
- Bong me.

1022
01:04:12.000 --> 01:04:13.968
You light it. Light it for her.

1023
01:04:14.160 --> 01:04:16.561
"Bong me"? Hey, what's up with you, man?

1024
01:04:16.720 --> 01:04:19.371
I lost a half a million dollars today.

1025
01:04:21.440 --> 01:04:24.649
I am fucked. I let everybody down, dude.

1026
01:04:24.800 --> 01:04:27.041
I let Tyler Perry down.

1027
01:04:27.200 --> 01:04:29.089
Oprah, Barack Obama...

1028
01:04:29.240 --> 01:04:31.368
I let Barack Obama down. I am fucked, man.

1029
01:04:31.520 --> 01:04:34.205
- Stay with it.
- I'm on it.

1030
01:04:34.360 --> 01:04:36.124
You guys don't understand, man.

1031
01:04:36.280 --> 01:04:39.727
You guys don't understand.
I drank deer cum!

1032
01:04:39.880 --> 01:04:41.848
- Move!
- Oh, God. Shit!

1033
01:04:42.000 --> 01:04:43.604
Hey, Jillian, can I talk to you
for a second?

1034
01:04:43.760 --> 01:04:45.808
- Boo!
- No.

1035
01:04:45.960 --> 01:04:47.405
Okay. All right.

1036
01:04:48.720 --> 01:04:50.563
Game over, bitches!

1037
01:04:50.720 --> 01:04:52.210
What are you doing? You can't do that.

1038
01:04:52.360 --> 01:04:53.340
You can't pull the cord out.
Why are you doing that?

1039
01:04:53.440 --> 01:04:55.681
- Boo!
- Don't boo me.

1040
01:04:55.840 --> 01:04:57.808
You don't... Don't boo. Stop booing me!

1041
01:04:57.960 --> 01:04:59.849
I'm surprised at you, Will.

1042
01:05:02.360 --> 01:05:03.600
Dude, get out of here.

1043
01:05:04.720 --> 01:05:06.529
Sudden trauma can hurt the LED.

1044
01:05:08.160 --> 01:05:10.447
Wait, come here.
Save me, save me, save me! I don't...

1045
01:05:11.080 --> 01:05:13.447
- Bong me.
- Bong coming in.

1046
01:05:13.600 --> 01:05:16.331
All right, Jillian. I need you to step up.

1047
01:05:18.240 --> 01:05:19.810
Oh, my God.

1048
01:05:32.440 --> 01:05:34.249
Bring home the bacon, baby.

1049
01:05:34.400 --> 01:05:36.926
Oh, fuck. Let's eat some bacon right now.

1050
01:05:49.240 --> 01:05:50.685
Mr. Diller?

1051
01:05:53.000 --> 01:05:55.810
I just want to say I'm sorry I screwed up.

1052
01:05:55.960 --> 01:05:59.681
And thank you for the opportunity and...

1053
01:06:03.080 --> 01:06:04.809
I'm sorry I let you down.

1054
01:06:10.080 --> 01:06:12.082
Where in the fuck
do you think you're going?

1055
01:06:13.360 --> 01:06:15.601
Sit the fuck down.

1056
01:06:17.240 --> 01:06:20.244
What kind of fucking pussy generation
do you come from, anyway?

1057
01:06:21.440 --> 01:06:23.044
You never apologize.

1058
01:06:23.200 --> 01:06:25.726
Never, ever.
You burn the fucking house down,

1059
01:06:25.880 --> 01:06:28.008
you roll up your fucking sleeves
and you build another one.

1060
01:06:28.160 --> 01:06:30.401
Now, get the fuck back out there
and make the money back.

1061
01:06:30.560 --> 01:06:32.688
You got it?

1062
01:06:32.880 --> 01:06:34.245
Go.

1063
01:06:38.720 --> 01:06:42.167
Yo, this will never happen again.

1064
01:06:42.320 --> 01:06:43.401
Thank you so much.

1065
01:06:47.200 --> 01:06:48.531
Goddamn it.

1066
01:06:49.920 --> 01:06:51.490
Send the fucking custodian in.

1067
01:07:12.200 --> 01:07:14.567
Bring it in. Okay, circle up.

1068
01:07:15.200 --> 01:07:18.727
All right. Now, I know
we haven't won a game yet,

1069
01:07:18.880 --> 01:07:21.690
but we have been losing by less and less.

1070
01:07:21.840 --> 01:07:24.889
And I know for a fact that
their two best players have head lice.

1071
01:07:26.120 --> 01:07:28.487
I'm saying we have a chance today.

1072
01:07:29.440 --> 01:07:31.169
A chance for victory.

1073
01:07:32.280 --> 01:07:33.725
A chance for redemption.

1074
01:07:36.520 --> 01:07:37.965
Hands in.

1075
01:07:38.120 --> 01:07:40.009
Victory on three.

1076
01:07:40.200 --> 01:07:43.409
One, two, three. Victory!

1077
01:07:47.200 --> 01:07:51.000
Great season!
You guys played your hearts out.

1078
01:07:51.160 --> 01:07:52.924
You did it.

1079
01:07:55.360 --> 01:07:58.364
Everybody is a winner.

1080
01:07:59.120 --> 01:08:02.010
We are so proud of you.

1081
01:08:02.160 --> 01:08:04.083
Next year, no scoreboard, right?

1082
01:08:04.240 --> 01:08:06.163
All right. Here you go, honey.

1083
01:08:06.320 --> 01:08:08.084
No, no, no. No trophies!

1084
01:08:09.240 --> 01:08:10.651
No trophies this year.

1085
01:08:10.800 --> 01:08:12.290
We always get trophies.

1086
01:08:12.480 --> 01:08:15.051
Trophies don't mean anything
unless you earn them.

1087
01:08:15.200 --> 01:08:16.929
They're just plastic junk.

1088
01:08:17.760 --> 01:08:19.125
Look.

1089
01:08:20.960 --> 01:08:22.371
No!

1090
01:08:22.520 --> 01:08:26.411
My childhood bedroom
is filled to the brim with trophies,

1091
01:08:26.560 --> 01:08:28.927
and I haven't won a thing in my life.

1092
01:08:29.120 --> 01:08:31.327
You would have to be born
already in a coma

1093
01:08:31.480 --> 01:08:33.369
to do as little with your life as I have.

1094
01:08:33.520 --> 01:08:35.921
- Excuse me.
- Stop it, stop! Listen to me.

1095
01:08:36.080 --> 01:08:37.241
Listen, guys.

1096
01:08:38.080 --> 01:08:39.081
Listen to me.

1097
01:08:40.720 --> 01:08:43.849
Now, I've spent the last
five years of my life

1098
01:08:44.000 --> 01:08:46.890
practically living on a cum-stained couch.

1099
01:08:48.600 --> 01:08:51.683
I smoke $200 of weed a week.

1100
01:08:54.080 --> 01:08:56.082
I've been wearing the same
pair of socks for so long

1101
01:08:56.240 --> 01:08:58.720
that the fabric of the sock
has literally become one

1102
01:08:58.880 --> 01:09:00.609
with the skin of my little toe.

1103
01:09:00.760 --> 01:09:03.001
And why? Why?

1104
01:09:05.240 --> 01:09:06.605
Because when I was growing up,

1105
01:09:06.760 --> 01:09:09.445
they gave me trophies for losing.

1106
01:09:09.600 --> 01:09:11.090
Do you understand what I'm saying?

1107
01:09:12.560 --> 01:09:14.642
No trophy, Sam.

1108
01:09:18.200 --> 01:09:20.009
Kwan, no trophies!

1109
01:09:20.640 --> 01:09:23.484
No trophies!

1110
01:09:41.520 --> 01:09:42.760
Thanks, Charlie.

1111
01:09:44.960 --> 01:09:47.281
Don't call me Charlie.

1112
01:09:47.440 --> 01:09:49.090
Call me Coach.

1113
01:10:03.400 --> 01:10:05.528
- This place is foul.
- I know.

1114
01:10:06.720 --> 01:10:09.041
- There's porn everywhere.
- I know.

1115
01:10:12.040 --> 01:10:14.281
Look, this is just temporary.

1116
01:10:14.480 --> 01:10:16.209
I got a good steady job now.

1117
01:10:17.520 --> 01:10:19.170
I mean, I don't want to jinx it,

1118
01:10:19.360 --> 01:10:22.523
but they're talking about
Employee of the Month.

1119
01:10:22.680 --> 01:10:25.445
I don't think that's a thing
that people do anymore.

1120
01:10:25.600 --> 01:10:27.887
It is. And I'm gonna get it.

1121
01:10:28.040 --> 01:10:29.121
For us.

1122
01:10:35.080 --> 01:10:36.684
What I'm saying is, it's gonna be okay.

1123
01:10:55.560 --> 01:10:57.085
Oh, Will...

1124
01:10:57.240 --> 01:10:58.571
Is this your girlfriend?

1125
01:10:58.720 --> 01:11:01.485
Jillian, this is Katherine Dunn.

1126
01:11:01.640 --> 01:11:03.563
- Hello.
- Hi, Jillian.

1127
01:11:03.720 --> 01:11:08.362
I think that Jillian
should be thanking me, don't you?

1128
01:11:08.520 --> 01:11:10.249
- Thanking you for what?
- For what?

1129
01:11:10.400 --> 01:11:12.368
For what?

1130
01:11:12.520 --> 01:11:18.163
For turning you into the responsible
little worker bee that you are.

1131
01:11:20.120 --> 01:11:22.691
- It was very nice to meet you.
- You, too.

1132
01:11:22.880 --> 01:11:24.291
Enjoy the party, dears.

1133
01:11:28.400 --> 01:11:30.482
- Wow.
- I know.

1134
01:11:30.680 --> 01:11:33.286
But she's making me Vice President.

1135
01:11:37.000 --> 01:11:40.049
All signed. Just got to turn it in.

1136
01:11:46.120 --> 01:11:48.043
Where did you find that?

1137
01:11:48.240 --> 01:11:51.528
I called Lon Zimmet.

1138
01:11:53.160 --> 01:11:54.650
He went on and on about you,

1139
01:11:54.800 --> 01:11:57.167
and used the word "cock"
like, 1,000 times.

1140
01:11:57.320 --> 01:11:58.970
Yeah, he does that.

1141
01:12:02.560 --> 01:12:04.289
I need to say something.

1142
01:12:04.440 --> 01:12:06.204
What?

1143
01:12:09.920 --> 01:12:11.809
I'm 22 years old and I have no idea

1144
01:12:11.960 --> 01:12:14.042
what I'm gonna do
with the rest of my life.

1145
01:12:14.800 --> 01:12:18.009
And I'm fine with that.
I have a lot to offer the world,

1146
01:12:18.160 --> 01:12:21.209
and this is just the beginning,
and if you want to take a job

1147
01:12:21.360 --> 01:12:23.601
with some shady start-up company
that has nothing to offer you

1148
01:12:23.760 --> 01:12:26.445
but stock options and a dream,
then you should do that!

1149
01:12:28.000 --> 01:12:29.968
Yeah, you know,
maybe we're not all geniuses.

1150
01:12:30.120 --> 01:12:32.248
So we're not the greatest generation,
so what?

1151
01:12:32.400 --> 01:12:35.324
These are our lives,
and we're gonna make the most of 'em!

1152
01:12:40.200 --> 01:12:42.089
I love you, Jillian.

1153
01:12:47.360 --> 01:12:49.840
Come on, come on. Don't be shy.

1154
01:13:01.560 --> 01:13:03.642
Hey, Katherine,
can I talk to you for a second?

1155
01:13:03.800 --> 01:13:04.847
Sure.

1156
01:13:05.000 --> 01:13:07.526
So, I wanted to thank you
for this opportunity.

1157
01:13:07.680 --> 01:13:11.048
- Oh, pleasure.
- But yeah, the job, it's not really for me.

1158
01:13:12.680 --> 01:13:16.207
- You're joking.
- No. I quit.

1159
01:13:18.240 --> 01:13:19.241
Wow.

1160
01:13:20.560 --> 01:13:21.800
Cocky little shit.

1161
01:13:22.720 --> 01:13:25.803
What, are you gonna go play house
with that ugly little girlfriend of yours?

1162
01:13:26.000 --> 01:13:27.206
- Maybe I will.
- Maybe you will.

1163
01:13:27.360 --> 01:13:30.682
But let me tell you something.
You won't, because you won't have a job.

1164
01:13:30.880 --> 01:13:34.566
So I want you to be prepared for what it
feels like to be on the unemployment line.

1165
01:13:34.760 --> 01:13:38.526
Because as of this moment forward,
I'm going to do everything in my power

1166
01:13:38.720 --> 01:13:41.300
to ensure that you never work
in this town again.

1167
01:13:41.400 --> 01:13:43.721
Hey, put that in your Facebook.

1168
01:14:15.120 --> 01:14:17.300
- Should I put my showcase here?
- Yeah, would you?

1169
01:14:17.400 --> 01:14:19.687
I found this working late one night,

1170
01:14:19.840 --> 01:14:23.049
and I thought it was
a good opportunity to express myself.

1171
01:14:30.400 --> 01:14:31.640
Merry Christmas.

1172
01:14:34.160 --> 01:14:35.764
Take that minotaur cock.

1173
01:14:51.240 --> 01:14:54.767
Is it tough out there? No doubt.

1174
01:14:56.640 --> 01:14:59.564
But we all need a job. So, what do you do?

1175
01:15:00.240 --> 01:15:01.810
Chug, chug, chug!

1176
01:15:01.960 --> 01:15:04.281
Find the thing that you were meant to do.

1177
01:15:06.320 --> 01:15:08.049
Work your ass off to get it.

1178
01:15:11.360 --> 01:15:13.010
Never stop believing.

1179
01:15:14.360 --> 01:15:16.169
Never quit.

1180
01:15:38.160 --> 01:15:40.561
Hello. Skeezy D blowin' up the Internet.

1181
01:15:40.680 --> 01:15:44.162
Everybody rollin' up to me like,
"How can I roll Skeezy-style?"

1182
01:15:45.640 --> 01:15:47.005
Well, look.

1183
01:15:50.040 --> 01:15:51.849
Sweat.

1184
01:15:52.000 --> 01:15:53.843
Get your fuck on.

1185
01:15:54.720 --> 01:15:56.529
It's a dick!

1186
01:15:57.880 --> 01:16:00.281
Fucking great!

1187
01:16:01.160 --> 01:16:05.563
Will, I'd like to officially welcome you
to the Sweat team.

1188
01:16:05.720 --> 01:16:08.007
Thanks, Lon.

1189
01:16:08.160 --> 01:16:09.889
But I'm gonna have to
turn down your offer.

1190
01:16:10.080 --> 01:16:13.004
- What?
- I've started my own production company,

1191
01:16:13.160 --> 01:16:16.164
but I would be honored
to have Sweat as my first client.

1192
01:16:19.720 --> 01:16:20.767
Yeah.

1193
01:16:25.880 --> 01:16:28.963
In other words, don't just feel special.

1194
01:16:30.480 --> 01:16:31.720
Be special.

1195
01:16:39.160 --> 01:16:42.209
Do you love your wife? Of course you do.

1196
01:16:42.360 --> 01:16:44.124
But when she tells you
she's going shopping,

1197
01:16:44.280 --> 01:16:47.921
how do you know she's not actually
going to a sordid motel like this one?

1198
01:16:48.120 --> 01:16:49.451
- Hello, lover.
- Hello.

1199
01:16:56.920 --> 01:16:58.968
Your husband says he's working late.

1200
01:16:59.120 --> 01:17:01.487
Well, what kind of work
are we really talking about?

1201
01:17:03.840 --> 01:17:06.320
Hey, Jezebel, sin.

1202
01:17:12.240 --> 01:17:16.609
Come and join the more
than 150,000 satisfied customers

1203
01:17:16.760 --> 01:17:19.411
who have all used iStalkU.

1204
01:17:19.560 --> 01:17:21.324
Let your loved ones know you care

1205
01:17:21.480 --> 01:17:23.881
by never letting them
out of your virtual sight.

1206
01:17:31.760 --> 01:17:33.364
And cut!

1207
01:17:55.520 --> 01:17:56.646
- We got it.
- All right!