Hey!
Hey.
Someone's still in bed.
Hey, babe, what if we stay in for dinner tonight and I cook?
Just the two of us?
Instead of going out?
Yeah, sure. Whatever you want.
- Really? - That's cool.
I have chicken.
I like chicken.
I'm a chicken man.
Hi, Mom. Oh, how are you?
Mahjong? You don't play Mahjong, do you?
I gotta go. Let me call you in a little bit.
All right, I love you.
All right. Bye.
Rachel?
Oh, my God. Rachel?
Oh...
...San Francisco private jet to Georgia...
Hey, man, how's it going?
- Joshy called me. - Is he okay?
Do you remember when I put the deposit down
on that house in Ojai for his bachelor party?
Well, I guess the person that owns the house called, uh, Joshy,
and they were like, "What are you gonna do?"
- Right. - So, um... so then he called me.
And was like, "What do you wanna do?" 'cause you can't get the deposit back.
And he's like, "Well... we have the house."
- Are you gonna go? - I don't know.
Are you stoned?
Hey!
Hey, man.
How are you?
What?
What the fuck was that?
Be careful!
I was saying "How are you?" before.
Yeah, yeah, I know. It just... it obviously wasn't the best time.
Yeah.
Joshy!
Joshy?
Dude...
Don't touch it. It's a fucking sniper rifle.
- It's a BB gun. See? - It's loaded.
Goddamn right it is.
Think about what it would have been like as a child in 1939 or 1964
to get taken by your parents to the New York World's Fair, right?
So they take you to, I don't know, say, the Chilean Pavilion.
And you're smelling Chilean food for the first time.
You've never even seen it before.
You're seeing people dressed in traditional Chilean garb...
Hey, guys.
Ari? Adam?
I'm Eric.
- Oh, hey, man. - Oh, yes, dude.
So funny on the reply alls, man.
- Hi, nice to meet you. - Oh, thanks, man.
I like to set a little tone over email
just to let people know what kind of bro they're gonna get.
- No, it was hilarious. - For sure. Tone set.
I don't know if Joshua gave you any background on me,
but I live with him in the same housing complex.
Lived with him.
But that's actually what I think this weekend's gonna be great for.
It's, like, just cleansing the palate. Keep it light, keep it fun.
Yes, keeping it light, I think, is paramount.
You brought a bunch of board games. Awesome.
Yeah, this is kind of the big one that I'm looking forward to.
"Mecha Dungeon Crawl," have you seen this?
No.
It's a really big, long complicated co-op game.
That it'll take a couple hours to go through the directions.
- So it's like "Cranium"? - No, it's not like "Cranium."
It's a lot more complicated than that.
More like "Apples to Apples"?
No, it's not like that at all either.
We got a portion of time that will be perfect
for, like, these games. Like, you and Josh can do that.
- And, like, you and I can... - Get high?
- Burn it up. - I have a one-hitter.
Actually, do you guys mind not doing that in here?
You know, I just wanna be able to come in here
and get in bed and sleep and not have ash and detritus
and paraphernalia everywhere.
Okay, no detritus in this room.
I'm a backpack hip-hop kid, you know?
- Oh, of course. Uh-huh. - J5, Dilated Peoples,
- like, everybody, you know? - Yeah, I love Tribe Called Quest.
- Stone's Throw. - Yeah, Stone's Throw is cool.
But I also like T Swift, you know?
- Hey! - Hey, Joshua!
Hey, Eric. Oh, my God!
Holy shit.
Hey. Hi. I'm Katee.
- Hey. - Thanks for coming, dude.
- Yeah, yeah, thanks... - Heard so much about you.
How are you? You okay?
I don't know who you are. I like hugging you, though.
- I'm Katee. - So, uh,
are you, like, the property manager here?
- No. - Of the prop... no, no.
- No, no. - No, I'm just... I'm Katee.
- Yeah, Katee from Ojai. - Katee from Ojai.
- Friend from Ojai. - Just met last night.
Do you wanna hang out? We're gonna get into a cypher.
- I should probably go. - Okay.
But you have fun. Have fun.
- I'll walk you to your car. - Oh.
- Bye. - I'm so glad I got to see you.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
She seemed really cool, man.
- Who, Katee? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, she was, she is. She is very cool.
- How did you meet her? - I got here yesterday.
- Right. - So I was here before anyone else,
and, I had nothing to do.
- So I went to the bar in town. - Uh-huh.
And I don't know. I just, like, was at the bar
and she came up to me, starting chatting,
and it was, like, super easy to talk to.
"It was." She was super easy to talk to.
Good for you, man. I'm really happy for you.
Well, look, she's cool. She really is.
I mean, we're not gonna get married or anything, but...
Who else are we gonna be able to celebrate
this sexual victory with?
Yeah, when is everybody else coming?
This... this is actually the crew.
Everybody else kind of flaked.
I know it's only four of us. Is that weird?
No, no, it's not weird at all.
I think... I think a small crew is cool.
Yeah, we're gonna be like the Beatles. We are like the Beatles.
- You're like John and Paul. - I'm Ringo 'cause I keep it light
and I look a little bit like a possum.
And I'm George 'cause I'm stony
and I, you know, can't get enough of the sun.
I'm, I'm George Martin.
Yeah, the integral fifth Beatle.
I love meeting new people.
This guy's got fucking blow.
You're dropping squirt bombs.
This guy won't get in the pool, but he will.
- If it's weird, say it 'cause I know... - It's not weird.
Hey, what are you doing over there, man?
I'm still trying to get the Wi-Fi to work.
Yeah, we're in a cabin in Ojai. The Wi-Fi's not gonna work.
Yeah, but, I mean, I can't not be accessible on the Internet
and also up here with no cell phone reception
- for an entire weekend. - Who cares? It's the weekend.
When I got off the 101, I called Shauna
and I was like, "Okay, I'm going where there's no reception. Love you."
Yeah, but I didn't make that call to Marissa.
So she doesn't know that I'm here
and she doesn't know that I'm unreachable
should she be trying to call or email me or whatever.
Why doesn't Marissa know that you're here?
She just, you know, decided that she needed to be somewhere else
that I don't live for the time being.
Oh, shit. I'm sorry, man.
She's just basically coming at me
and saying, you know, that after 10 years almost,
that there's an entire life that she feels like she's missing
and that she sort of needed some space, and I responded to that
by being what I felt was very attentive and what she felt was clingy.
God, I'm sorry. It's... That's gotta be really hard.
- Break-ups are tough. - It's not a break-up,
you know, at this time.
- Okay. - I think that there might be
some benefit here to having some friends around.
And maybe, you know, we're talking about it now
and I'll talk about it with Josh as soon as I get a chance.
I wouldn't tell Josh about it, I think, because we're on thin ice here.
There's only four of us. No one showed up.
It's just that he's hurting and he's been going through a lot
and now I'm hurting, too,
and I feel like we sort of are going to relate to each other
in a way that I don't expect you to get.
Let's not compare the hurt of a break-up
or whatever it is with what Joshy went through.
Okay, so everybody gets one of these character cards.
And I'm now going to go into the attack
and defending portion. You ready?
"Attack abilities and attacking a monster.
The type of symbol shows whether it is a melee ability
or a ranged attack ability."
Yes. Adam, I have a question.
Is it... okay, I can answer it
because I think I know what you're going to say.
- What? - If you're wondering
why the part on the bottom of your figurine is an octagon
and it's standing on a hexagonal shape that connects to the center one,
I promise you we're going to get to that
- very, very shortly. - Was that your question?
That was not my question. Here's my question.
Should we be playing this game right now?
- Yeah, definitely, 100 percent. - Yeah.
Can I just pose another option?
We go out tonight, we go to this bar the Lone Angus.
I've done a bunch of research on Yelp and Trip Advisor.
It's a fun local bar. It's, like, divey, but not too divey.
Maybe the time to go to the bar would be, I don't know, tomorrow afternoon
for happy hour or something, when, you know, it's light out
and they have the windows open and the drinks are cheaper.
What's the deal with you and the windows open at a bar?
It's just nice to get that bar smell wafting out a little bit.
Okay, let's say we go to the bar tonight,
have some drinks, mellow, nothing crazy.
Come back here, wake up in the morning,
we're sitting around the table,
we are ready to settle in to a full game.
Well, just to be clear,
Adam and I have been coveting this game for quite some time.
We even actually helped crowd fund it. We just opened it tonight.
Right, or we could go to the bar, and if the bar is not cool,
then we could just come back here and play tonight.
I mean, how fun would that be? Like a late-night game.
If you're serious about doing it tomorrow,
then, yeah, I mean, the... it's something to consider, I guess.
So I have a lot planned.
We're gonna do a little dinner tonight,
we're gonna go to the casino, play a little cards.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Have a bite to eat. We're not gonna just drink, though.
- We're gonna have a nice dinner. - Welcome to The Lone Angus.
I will be your waiter. My name is Greg.
- Nice to meet you, Greg. - Right on.
So I got four tequila shots here
- and a diet coke on the rocks. - Sweet.
We didn't order those tequila shots, though,
- so I think we're good. - Well, that's not what
the bartender is telling me.
It's okay, though. I mean, like, we're...
- Yeah, we'll take them. - Right, but we didn't order them,
so I don't think we should have to pay for them.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
speaking of which, did you guys order these drinks
that you already have at the bar?
Yes, because you weren't here, so...
Yeah, but there's table service here.
Yeah, but you weren't here. We waited for 15 minutes.
I was here. I've been here since 5:00.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, I've been here.
It's okay, okay. We'll take the shots.
- ...like every asshole does. - Oh, we're assholes now?
- Yeah, you're an ass... - Eric, Eric.
Maybe you could bring me a windshield wiper
because you just spit all over my fucking face!
Why don't you take that windshield wiper
and shove it right up your ass?!
- Oh, what's up, man? - Hey, man, how you doing?
That was great. Hi, guys.
You should see your faces right now.
We just fucking pranked you guys.
That was one of the best ones we've ever done.
You guys, this is my boy, Greg.
I invited him to join us for the weekend.
This is Josh, this is Ari, this is Adam.
Adam, nice to meet you. Greg.
Ari? Greg.
Josh, the man of the hour. Greg.
Sit down, sit down, sit down.
Thank you guys so much for including me.
- Thank you so much. - Definitely.
- Not a problem. - Thank you for...
And my boy here told me there was a bachelor party,
and I was just like, "Oh, can I come?"
He was like, "You got it."
Yeah, no, I, uh...
it's just that I was gonna get married,
but I'm not anymore, so we're kind of just salvaging the weekend,
- and it's just for guys. - Yeah, yeah, we're just,...
we're treating this like a boy's weekend.
I thought you said that this is a bachelor party.
You're not even getting married?
Well, no, he's... but we're treating it like the fun of a bachelor party,
but it's just a boy's weekend away.
You know what? Yeah, we're not even really using that word.
- You guys break up? - Essentially, I was gonna get married,
- but now it's not gonna happen. - I just can't stress enough
- that we should just move on. - It just sort of turned into...
- kind of like a guy's weekend. - Live right now in the moment.
Hey, man, that's all I'm doing. That's what all I'm about.
Let's just do our shots to... to nothing.
- Yeah, to nothing. - To nothing.
- To nothing is a great idea. - To nothing.
- For the weekend. - Fuck that bitch.
- She doesn't deserve you. - Again, not...
- Yeah, maybe. - So as I mentioned,
I actually invited Greg to join us for the weekend
as we have that extra room because this guy brings the party to 11.
Yeah, thanks so much for having me.
Well, you know...
It's so gracious of you guys to include me on this very special weekend.
I was thinking because we have fewer people than we thought
that we would kind of spread out so no one has to share a room,
so we don't actually have an extra one anymore.
Yeah, and, like, since you guys are boys,
maybe you guys could just share a room.
No, I can't do that.
I can't, uh, I can't room with somebody.
And trust me, none of you want to room with me
'cause I just got diagnosed with sleep apnea,
- and I gotta wear that mask. - Yeah, dude's like Bane.
Hello, would you like your dick sucked?
Yeah.
- Classic Bane joke. - Terrible Bane.
Let's cheers it up to new beginnings.
- To new beginnings. - Love it.
- To new beginnings, right? - Oh, my shit's empty.
- You know, whatever. - Hey, waiter,
why don't you go get another drink?
Fuck you!
Excuse me, I don't want to speak to no doctor!
I want to speak to a pharmacist!
Yeah, man.
Oh, goodness.
- Oh, yeah. - Shockingly cold.
Greg is a trip, huh?
Dude, Greg is the best!
I'm kind of a big fan of him.
- Yeah. - He's so intense.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
I'll send it to you. What's your number?
Please do.
Are you cool?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah. I'm great, how are you?
I'm good, I'm good.
I mean, I just wanna make sure that... that you're good
with all of... with all of how everything is going.
Yeah, yeah, no.
This is lining up to be a fun one.
It was just, like, scurrying all around the floor,
and we had, like, an English muffin we didn't want to...
You know, turtles are, like, an aphrodisiac.
You wanted to eat the turtle?
In retrospect, you could've just picked it up
by the little shell on the sides and been completely okay.
My buddy will pick you up...
...backlogs of nonsense that go back two years.
Right, but why is this the time to be bringing any...
But wh... but it just... it's not even relevant
to what we're talking about anymore.
It's not a part of what I'm trying to discuss,
and to say that it's something that I've been
willingly or intentionally neglecting is insane.
I'm happy you guys are here.
- Are you kidding? Yes. - I think we're being followed.
No. I'm sorry.
- I'm looking... - What is happening?
Who are you? Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm looking for my phone.
- Okay. - Oh, okay.
Did you guys see a phone?
- Did it have a case? - No.
Caseless. I haven't seen it.
I'm sorry, this is Josh.
- Oh, hi, Josh. - Oh, yeah, I'm Josh.
- I'm Jodi. Hi. - Hey, Jodi.
- I'm Ari. - Hi, Ari.
How's it going?
Oh, do you want me to hold that for you?
Yes, please. Yes, please.
- Can I hold it in my lungs? - Yes, please.
You are cold.
- You need a... - How can you tell?
Maybe...
- I'm gonna give you my sweater. - Oh, well, thank you.
- You're such a gentleman. - Oh, here.
- Have two. - Thank you. No, I don't need it.
- No, have two. - Don't please.
Look what's happening. Double the warmth.
Double gentleman attack!
- What? - I'm sorry.
Are you guys murderers or what?
No, not at all. We are not murderers.
- Yeah. - What are you doing here in Ojai?
Yeah, what brings you here? Are you local?
I'm here for, like, a big birthday vacation weekend.
- I'm turning 30. - Wow, awesome!
- You're with friends? - Yeah.
- Okay, cool. - They're not cool right now.
They're real... they're real shitty.
Well, we're having sort of a weird... not weird, but, like, a party thing.
Nothing like a weird party thing.
I think all party things are kind of weird.
- Hello. - Well, hello.
- Hey, this is... - Hi.
Did someone say "weird party thing"?
Hello, my name is Adam.
My name is Jodi.
We are all robots.
Well, I'm single now, so, you know, um...
- What the fuck are you doing? - Adam, really?
- What? - Are you okay?
Well, I got a couple bars, so I made a phone call.
I'm sorry to drag you into my business.
No, I actually am into it.
Yeah, 10 years of my life just went down the shitter.
- We talked about this. - No, man.
- We talked about that. - Yeah, but everything's changed now.
It's all different. It sucks now.
- Everything's worse. - So you and Marissa, no?
Yeah, no, no go. You know, 10 years right in the shitter.
It's fine, but, hey, on the other hand,
Eric has found some casino near here that he says is the best in the area.
Well, that sounds fun. I would go to a casino.
There's a casino here?
Didn't expect you guys to actually be so excited about that.
You look so cold and stupid, both of you.
Do they look like murderers, though?
- Yeah. - Here, I don't need this.
Thank you very much. I don't need both, yeah.
Total enthusiasm for Eric's casino idea?
No one just kind of thought we were gonna go home after this
and, you know, have bedtime and...
- Have bedtime? - Hey, Adam, is this...
Well, what do you call it when it's time to go to bed?
- The time I go to bed. - Are you okay?
Yeah, I mean, you know, of course not, but...
- Yeah. - I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to come out here and just blurt, I mean...
- No, no, that's big. That's huge. - I just got off the phone.
And looked over and I saw
Eric and what's-his-name and you guys over here,
and I just kind of felt like I had to say something to somebody,
but I shouldn't have. I...
Well, look, if you need to talk about it, you can.
- No, I'm good, thank you. - Are you sure?
- Yes. - I could go like that.
That does feel warmer, but I'm actually...
And your arms are weirdly heavy.
I'm a big, thick kind of oxey Jew.
You kind of are. You look like someone's cousin
or, like, a boy from camp who was, like, my crush.
Oh, what camp did you go to?
- Really? - Yeah.
Well, 'cause I went to camp back East, so I...
- Me, too. - Where?
- Blue Star. - Shut up.
I went to Blue Star.
- You shut up now. - No, you shut up now.
- Prove it. - Blue Star where the Jews are.
Yeah.
- Hey! - Oh, damn it!
Oh, snaps.
Guys, we're gonna go to the casino. Do you wanna come?
- Me? - Yeah, you should come.
- Yeah, we need a Lady Luck. - The more the merrier.
I'll be your Lady Luck.
But I really wanna find my phone.
And I'm actually kind of feeling like I left it in my house.
Like, I did not even bring it here to begin with
'cause I'm chill and I wanna unplug.
Yeah, of course. Get out of the Matrix.
Do you think you would walk me down just to see if it's there?
I don't actually wanna get murdered.
Yeah, well, I would love to,
but Joshy's actually, um, like, used to come up here as a kid.
- He knows the area pretty well. - We'll go to the casino.
You come meet us later, right?
- You, too. - No, I will gladly walk you home.
Did you ever hear about
when there was a pyramid of tampons that got set on fire
and then pushed down into the middle of the lake?
Shut up. That was you?
- Yeah. Yeah. - Oh, my God.
That thing, like, almost burned down a couple of boats.
And it stunk because it was like a chemical fire!
Like, what are the odds that you as a child
saw the same things that I saw as a child?
Actual same summers?
No, it's crazy. Similar summers.
- Yeah. Same lake. - Similar summers.
Tonie, Tonie, Tonie
T-O-N-I-E, why do you spell it like that, baby?
Tonie!
Tonie, positive vibes, positive energy.
- I should be careful. - Adam, look at this.
You got exactly what you wanted.
We're all sitting around playing a game together.
I wanted to play, like, a co-op game
that we could all sort of just work together as friends.
But we are playing together.
We're all cooperating together against Tonie here.
It just kind of feels to me like...
like a little bit of a monkey's paw at this point.
What does that mean, monkey's paw?
Well, like, I wished we were all playing a game, and now I got my wish,
but it's like the saddest, weirdest, worst version of that
because I'm just losing money and I'm stressed out.
So it's like if you went to a monkey seller
and you said, "Hey, give me a monkey,"
and then he just gave you the hand?
No, I mean, I think you're thinking of it too literally.
- The hand is cursed. - Like a leprechaun.
You know, you get them, and then they fucking...
- they're kind of shady. - I thought they were shady
before you caught 'em, but once you caught 'em,
they were, like, your slave.
Well, ta-da.
This is actually... this is amazing.
- Yeah. - You should see the place I'm staying.
It's like a... a turquoise dealership.
It's like a kidnapper shack.
Yeah, oh, very much so.
Yeah, I'm imagining like the sock that a teenage boy uses to, like,
- jerk into made into, somehow, a house. - Jerk off into?
That is pretty... pretty accurate.
Thanks for the, um, walk back here.
It was very nice.
No, thank you. It was, um,
so weird to meet someone from Blue Star.
- I know. - It's so crazy.
Yeah. You know me.
I'm gonna go inside, but I'll give you this.
- Oh. - 'Cause I'm not a thief
even though I probably seem really rough and tough,
I'm not a thief and I'm not gonna steal your sweater.
- Okay, good night. - Good night.
- Thank you. - Yeah. No, thank you.
Are you waiting there for me to get in?
Hmm? Yeah, I don't wanna leave till you get in.
That's so nice.
That's what you do.
I...
I don't have a key.
Sorry, I forgot.
I smoked your weed, my fault.
- Okay. - I didn't think about
- whether or not I had a key. - Okay.
And I feel really embarrassed.
Like, oh, some girl I met in a bar.
- Come on, let's go back to the bar. - But I don't have my phone,
- and I don't have my purse. - We're gonna go back to the bar.
There's a lot of things to be embarrassed.
Drums into space...
Dude, this guy used to fucking go to the parking lots at Dead show...
- I fucking did, man. - ...and fucking run drum circles.
Dude, I ran drum circles.
I sold acid for, like, five minutes,
and then I got freaked out and I stopped.
I saw the last Grateful Dead show.
I saw the last one they did at the Meadowlands.
You were not at the last show. I was at the last show.
Don't try and hitch onto my thing, okay?
- That's not cool. - Joshua?
Joshua, you seem kind of down and gloomy doomy.
- No, no. - Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm good. - 'Cause I got the solution.
And it's more cow bell.
- What did you do? - It's called dramarama,
but ours is fake and it was, like...
it was the first day of my period and I had a heavy flow.
And I put my pad in the trash at my friend's house,
but then her French poodle took the pad out of the trash
and her hot brother saw that, like, my pussy bleeds or whatever.
- And it was just, like... - It was like Penthouse letters
- for chicks who get their period. - What's Penthouse letters?
Oh, my God.
Hello?
It's super Twin Peaksy,
and I fucking hope my shitty friends took my purse.
Well, I don't know what you're doing now,
But you can come hang out with my shitty friends.
Yeah, I'll hang out with your shitty friends.
- Like, do they suck? - Oh, yeah, they suck so bad.
- Cool. - Yeah, you will hate them.
And they're all going through some real hardcore emotional shit.
- Oh. [Chuckles] - So it'll be a good hang.
How could I resist?
You have been convicted of the crime
of stealing a loaf of bread!
No, no, please!
You've already burned down my jewelry store!
Oh, God! Holy shit!
Ow! God, that hurt!
Oh, but it was so good. It was so funny.
Hey, it's the girl from the bar!
- Hey! - Jodi.
- Hi. - Hi, Jodi. I'm Eric.
- Jodi? - Hey.
- Do you spell it J-O-D-I? - You okay?
Here. For that, let me kiss you
- like the Europeans say hello. - Okay, okay.
- No, I'm just gonna say hello... - You are saying hello.
- You are saying hello, all right? - Oh, okay.
- Hi, hi. - I get it, I get it, okay.
- You wanna smoke weed? It's right here. - Yes, thank you.
Very unsettling. He's pointing a gun at me.
- I don't want that. - It's a BB gun!
Oh, same thing. It's always weird.
Josh, we have some guests now.
You still seem a little boo-boo-boo-boo.
- I'm fine. - Here, can I make a suggestion?
Oh, well, how are we stepping it up, kemosabe?
The G-rock over here is gonna shoot me...
- In the dick! - Oh, yes!
Yes, he's gonna shoot me in the dick hole.
I'm gonna hold the cup on top of my head,
but then he's gotta shoot me
- straight in my dinger. - Okay, all right!
You really want me to do that?
And if... if the cup falls,
then he gets to shoot me in my bonanza hole.
The bonanza hole?
You know what I think a butt hole looks like?
Is it just... I think it looks like a chimp victim's eye.
Joshua, could I have a little Harry Carey play-by-play commentary, please?
Oh, perfect. That's great, that's great.
Well, I was just thinking a year ago, we were all here...
...here with our ladies.
You know, uh, Marissa and Shauna and...
...Rachel.
It's interesting that, I don't know. I was just thinking about that.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey. - I'm sorry.
Josh, Josh, Josh, look at me.
It's not okay.
It's not okay to be sad!
You understand?
You are meant to be happy. That is who you are.
This sad person, that is something
that you think that you are, but you're not that!
If you were meant to be sad, being sad would feel good.
But it doesn't, does it? What feels good?
Being happy!
And you should feel good, so be happy!
Be who you are.
- Sorry. I... - No, no, no, no.
- I didn't mean to... - No, no, no.
Look, you're not allowed to apologize
the rest of the time that I'm here.
Thank you for that, Greg.
Yes, Greg! Good pep talk!
How about, Joshua, that we create some new memories?
- What do you mean? - Joshua,
I'm about to get shot in my dick hole for you.
So please just give me a little commentary.
- Do Harry Carey. - Greg,
now lining up his... his rifle.
He's got it lined up to shoot Eric in the penis.
If the red cup falls,
Eric's gotta get shot in the bonanza hole.
Right where the chimp victim's eye is.
That's beautiful! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! It didn't go in my D-hole, but it clipped my yam sack!
Oh, my God, you clipped his sack!
A fucking bet is a bet.
The cup fell,
So it looks like you're gonna be shooting me
- right in my fucking bonanza. - No, no, no!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Rules are rules. - You know, maybe...
I mean, do you really wanna be shot in the bonanza?
Maybe we could do something that everyone is involved with.
Like, you know, with six of us, we could just get
a short campaign going of Mecha Dungeon Crawl.
Mecca? Mecca Dungeon Cr... like, this is Islamic?
- No, it's, like, mechanical. - It's a very complicated board game.
We could just play through it quickly
and with so many people, it would go pretty fast.
I think that it's bad for me
to play a game that's very complicated right now
because I smoked tons of... ripped so much.
I had a bong and I feel like it's not my preference to play a game.
And I'm not gonna be able to get there with you.
We could play the very, very complicated game
that could last six to seven hours
with a couple of strangers who are all fucked up on pot,
or we could go into the hot tub.
I'll go in the hot tub!
The lady wants the hot tub.
- Hot tub. - The gentleman wants a hot tub.
- Joshy? - Yeah, well...
Great. Hot tub time. Here, I'll just take this from you.
Yeah, take it. I don't want it.
- All right, man. - We're ready for bubbles.
- Oh! Okay. - Gee, man.
Oh, my God.
There's a slight problem with the hot tub.
It is not currently hot.
- Oh. - There's steam coming out of it.
Well, that's just because the water is warmer than the air.
All right, well, let's fucking party inside.
Not so fast. Got a satellite view of the entire neighborhood here.
Found the appropriate neighbors' hot tubs,
and I think I found our spot right here.
Are you talking about to sneak in?
Yes, we're gonna do a little sneaking.
And we're gonna do a little dip,
- then we'll do a little dash. - And it's perfect too.
It's perfect 'cause there's none of those security stickers
on any of the gates, so we'll get in fine.
- Oh, ho! - I say let's do it, man.
Ojai is communal hot tubs. My hot tub is your hot tub.
To the hot tub!
Oh, okay, we're going right now.
- Adam, don't you wanna come in? - No, it's not my thing.
You just snuck in to sit here?
Yeah, well, I wanna be around people to hang out.
But, you know, I'll let them have their fun. It's not really for me.
I'm sorry I didn't wanna do your game.
That's fine. You know, no one wants to do it,
so, it's, you know, you're just part of the gang.
Yeah, well, I know I'm a stranger
who's, like, on drugs and drunk and doesn't have any pants on,
but I'm wishing you the best.
- I hope you're okay. - I guess you're the first
of many new pantsless women I will soon meet.
- Hey, Jodi? - Sure. Yeah.
- No, it's okay. I know you wanna go in. - I'm sorry.
You know, I do have, like, some okay friends.
I have a friend that I could introduce you to tomorrow if you're interested.
She's nice and fun.
She's not that nice, but she's pretty fun.
Yeah? Does she like desperate, broken men with nothing to offer?
Most American women like that kind of thing.
- Welcome to the hot tub. - Oh!
Welcome to the hot tub, Jodi!
Jodi's in the tub
Jodi's in the hot tub...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys hear that?
What? Oh, it's probably the Fondas.
They wanna join us in the tub.
- Hey, Jodi? - What?
Do you have any words about joining the Greater Tub Community?
Cool, fun, new, a surprise.
Tonight, the evening.
I love it, strangers, scared.
- I'm really happy. - Yay, with friends!
Adam, let's play your board game in the hot tub.
Well, that's obviously impossible.
Hey, Adam, come in here, man.
- Adam. - Adam, come on, buddy.
- He doesn't want to. - Ari? Ari?
Yeah?
My sister's beautiful, and she's a dental hygienist,
so she has her own money.
That's great.
Wait, why did you say that?
You guys heard that, right?
Did you guys... am I the only one who heard that?
- I did hear that. - It's probably, like, the fucking...
- What the fuck is that? - Like a dog or whatever.
There is a fucking murderer in that bush, man.
- It's not a murderer. - Hey.
It's Billy Baldwin.
It's fucking Laura Dern's chocolate lab
- sneaking around. - Hey.
No, dude, I'm serious, man. I'm fucking serious.
- What? - I'm out of... I'm getting out.
- If it's a fucking... - All right, guys. Joshua's weekend.
- Hey, Ari, Ari? - Whoa, we gotta go with Joshua.
- We need to talk later. - Yeah.
- Just a little bit. - Yeah, no, no, no.
I don't need to be up all night talking...
- talking about I don't know. - Whatever, no, no, no.
I just met a bunch of strangers
and I talk their ear off all night and, uh...
- and then I just... - But I totally understand
what you were saying before about backpack style hip-hop.
I think that that is a distinction
of a kind of hip-hop that does not get mentioned that much.
'Cause you're, like, Talib Kweli,
Black Star, Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul.
I really think that hip-hop's, like, a very important part of our culture.
- Yes, agree 100 percent. - But haven't you both also,
like, been to Tanglewood to see James Taylor?
Yes, a hundred times.
- Whoa, that's funky! - You know what's the funkiest?
This is the funkiest guy we know!
Dude, dude, dude. Blow that in my mouth.
Come on, man.
It's really funny.
Blow it in my mouth, man.
- Do it, do it. - Come on. Blow it.
- Wow! - Yeah! You guys are my band!
Here's your trumpet!
So when you think about the basic paradoxes,
you know, one of them, the bootstrap paradox,
dictates that no matter what happens when you go back in time,
no matter what information you take with you,
it's always been there.
So if you go back, say, to yesterday to give yourself a great stock tip,
that means that there was never a version of reality
where you didn't receive that.
- This is fucking fantastic. - Thank you, thank you.
- Amazing. So fucking cool. - The other version of that...
Thanks, man. The other version of that is the grandfather paradox,
which means that no matter what happens when you go back,
it's always a version of what was going to happen.
So if you go back and your grandfather dies,
that doesn't prevent you from being born.
That just means that something else is going to have to happen
and it always did and you would find out
that who you thought was your grandfather
wasn't actually your grandfather.
But what about Marty McFly?
He goes back and he takes away and he starts disappearing.
What you're describing is a depiction
of time travel in, you know, pop culture fiction.
What I'm talking about is science.
Oh, you're talking about something that's real.
Yes, I am. Ari, you had a question?
Adam, if time travel existed,
don't you think that we would know about it
because someone would have come back in time to make us aware?
Excellent point. We're living in what's called the alpha timeline.
And we haven't yet arrived at the momentous event
at which everything changes as we know it.
So...
if that's the alpha timeline,
are we over here now?
Can I just quickly give a quick toast to how fucking interesting that is?
Yes.
And what a fucking cool group of people
that Joshua has put together here tonight
for a good, solid fucking late-night hang?
Cheers to that.
Yeah, any... whatever you got.
- Hey, hey, there you go. - Totally.
There you go.
That's the weirdest way to wake up.
Yeah, that's my way of saying thank you
for letting me have a seventh-grade style,
no Frenching, no touching sleepover.
Yeah, dude, no worries.
Seventh-grade sleepover style.
I'm sorry that I, like, totally dingleberried onto your night.
Are you kidding? That was so fun.
You crashed here. No big deal, dude.
- Yeah. - Why is your hand like that?
- Move your hand. - Because I didn't brush my teeth.
Well, I don't care. Come on.
What time do you think it is?
Okay, yeah, you should put...
Can... can I use your toothbrush?
Of course. It's the white and teal one.
It's not like the robot alien one that Adam has.
That guy has a dorky toothbrush?
What a shocker.
Hello?
Come on in, guys.
- I'm hungry. - Hello?
- You're hungry? - Yeah.
Josh?
You think they're still asleep?
This is a mess. Oh, my God.
Hey, get him over here. Come here, come here, come here.
There is somebody under the coffee table.
You're right, buddy.
- Hey. - Hey, I'm Eric.
Hey, I'm Aaron.
- Aaron, hi. - Were you sleeping? Hey.
Are you okay? You got...
- And who's this guy? - ...a little... that's my son.
Hello. Hi. Nice to meet you.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Are you... did you get hurt?
- What? - You just have a little...
Oh, no. It's just allergy season.
There's like, a gun sitting here, man.
Could you do me a huge favor, man?
Could we just kind of get this area picked up?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you guys... do you want any of this before... I'm joking.
- I'm all right. - Little kids love this stuff.
- Okay. - Where is Josh?
Josh?
He's not under the table. That's the extent of my knowledge.
I found everybody, and I cleaned the fucking bleed... no, just... sorry.
Hey!
- Cleaned up my nose. - How's it going?
Here they are.
- Thanks for coming. - Nice to see you.
- Thanks for having us. - Yeah, man.
- Good to see you. - Good to see you, too.
- Yeah, thanks. - What's up, dude?
- What's up, man? - Fucking lumberjack?
Nice to see you, man.
Thanks for inviting us. Sorry we just rolled up now.
Looks like we missed a lot of the action, but...
- Hi. I'm Jodi. - Oh, hi.
Hey, how's it going? I'm Anita.
- Hi, Anita. - Hi.
- Nice to meet you. - Yeah. Nice to meet you, too.
How do you g... how do you know these guys?
I just met Ari in the bar last night.
In the parking lot, actually.
Yeah, we all met. Everybody met.
Oh, so you spent the night?
- Yeah, yeah. I slept. - We took her in.
With a lot of liquor in my system.
- Wow! That sounds like a fun time. - Little orphan.
Little stray.
You guys hungry?
Should we... keep the breakfast train going?
You know, I'm good. You know what, actually,
my friends probably think I'm dead.
Truly, they probably think I am like kidnapped and chopped up,
- so I'm gonna go. - Okay.
But, please, do your whole thing. I'm sorry.
- Oh, yeah. Great to meet you. - Nice to meet you. Bye...
- See you, Jodi. - ...guys.
- Bye, Jodi. - Do you want me to drive you?
No, I'm fine. I'm gonna walk it off.
- It'd be good. - Are you sure?
- I think I should drive you home. - No. Why?
You're... and now you make me... I'm...
- No, I'm not making any... - I feel like I crashed your weekend.
I'm, like, literally not trying to stay.
- I'm gonna go. - Okay.
Okay. Cool life experience.
- Yeah. - Bye.
- Over the course of the day... - Here, you can wipe that on here.
- Hey, Jude? - What?
You wanna know what your Uncle Greg does for a living?
- What? - I make every candy in the whole world.
No, he's not your Uncle Greg.
If you've tasted a candy, I made it in my kitchen.
- No. - Yeah.
How you doing, Josh? Are you talking to anybody?
Are you seeing a therapist?
Does Tonie count, our dealer from last night?
Yeah, that's perfect, yeah.
Drown everything in drugs and...
and that's just, like, the best...
Oh, our blackjack dealer last night. We went to a casino.
All I hear about is, like, the bars you guys went to,
casino you went to. Like, has anyone brought this up?
Like, are you guys discussing this at all?
Or are you just pretending it didn't happen?
I totally hear you, but to me, it feels like time and place.
I'm here to do what Joshua wants,
and it seems to me like Joshua got us together
to have a fun weekend where he can just fucking cut loose a little bit.
Great. Let's all go get drunk.
Let's also not pretend that the reason we're here
isn't something that was super traumatic for our buddy.
Even if he's going through it quietly,
even more of a reason that it's our responsibility
to bring it up and talk about it.
Thanks for chatting out here.
Yeah, what's up, man? You like running interference in there?
- No. - You're, like, a party wing man
- who can't get serious? - What?
- What's going on? - No, I'm just here to have a good time
because that's what Joshua seems to want to have this weekend.
Well, I think that the good time happened.
Oh, okay.
And I happened to meet you under a coffee table
- with a fucking bloody nose. - And I apologized about that.
Check off crazy party night. You got it, man.
- Okay. - Congratulations.
- Congratulations for showing up... - One hundred percent success.
- ...with the family. - What does that mean?
It means this was, like, a boy's weekend.
Where did it say boy's weekend?
Where did it say bring your wife and four-year-old son?
Where'd it say not to? I was on all the same emails you were.
By the way, speaking of my wife and kid,
I don't appreciate bringing my four-year-old
into a room that's, like, coated in cocaine powder
and having to basically pry a gun out of his hand
and move the bong out of the way!
You think... you think I would have just, like...
if I knew your kid were coming, I would have laid out drugs...
You offered him cocaine! He is four years old!
- As a joke! - Yeah, I suspect that you would've...
My big mistake is realizing
that your son had the same fucking lame sense of humor as you...
- Oh, yeah, that's really funny. - ...and couldn't get a joke.
Yeah, that's awesome, man. What a cool guy.
- But maybe if he wants to get...- - Hey, nice to meet you, buddy.
- Nice to meet you too, man. - You know what?
Go fucking do some more cocaine and fuck yourself.
All right, bud. Good hangs!
- Where are we going? - All right, is he buckled up?
Yes.
- There you go, baby. - Yeah!
That's a capper.
I didn't mean to step on your shit, Eric.
I just feel taking mushrooms and chilling out is, like...
- I don't want to go anywhere. - No. I totally get it.
And you know what? Like, we did some boozing last night,
and I think mushrooms are the play.
- Hey. - Hey, how are you, bud?
Thanks for, uh, coming to fix this.
Oh, no problem. It's just an electrical problem.
It's not much wrong.
Sorry, you're kind of getting stuck
with the only guy who doesn't really enjoy the hot tub.
I hear you, man.
No, but I'll get your balances just perfect
and you'll be in this thing in about an hour with your buddies.
I don't really like getting in it myself.
You know, just because of the amount of bacteria
that lives in warm still water
and, you know, the way that the kind of heat
breeds a cloud of disease that just hovers above it.
Yeah, well, I guess hot tubs aren't for everyone.
Yeah, I... I can agree to that.
- Definitely not for me. - It was really nice to meet you.
Do you mind if I sit here with you while you work
or... or would you rather work alone?
Yeah, whatever you'd like.
Can I take a picture of you?
Sure.
- So what happened? - What?
- With... what's her name? - Oh, Rachel.
Rachel. What'd she do? How'd she die?
How'd she do it, I mean?
Well...
...she... she was cooking dinner for him on his birthday,
and he went down to the gym and when he came back, she was dead.
Pull!
- That's so awful. - Yeah, it's a bummer.
Her parents are kind of giving him a hard time.
Why? They think he did something?
I think it must be hard to, like, admit that your child
is sick like that enough to do something, so...
Oh, God, I can't believe that I said all that stuff,
- like... - What stuff?
Just, like, congratulations,
- and I called her a fucking bitch. - Oh, don't worry, dude.
Joshy is...
he didn't even register it.
- He's like... - That's what I do, though, you know?
That's what I do. I start talking, and I don't stop talking.
- How'd she do it? - Huh?
How'd she do it? How'd she kill herself?
Oh, I don't know if that's the best place to...
I gotta know. I gotta know.
Well, she...
I'm just gonna be wondering about it the whole day,
and I don't want that to be in my mind.
She asphyxiated herself.
Oh, my God.
Are you kidding me? What, with a bag?
I don't wanna get into the details, man.
- I'm starting to feel... - I gotta know.
- What, with a rope? - A belt.
- One of his belts. - Oh, my God, his belt.
Used his belt to kill herself.
Oh, I'm feeling so weird in my stomach right now.
- Yeah. - I feel like I'm just about to explode.
- My stomach. - ...this'll be really hard.
Oh, my stomach.
There's no such thing as time travel.
Everything is gonna stay the way it is.
You can't correct anything.
I can't go back and make anything right.
They told me they were a good idea to hire
because they're getting us something pretty to look at,
and it'd make us look cooler than anybody else.
My father went in a hot tub
and started feeling something strange in his leg
and a few days later, it had grown to a boil
the size of a Ping-Pong ball.
And my uncle just rolled it with a rolling pin
and when it popped, pus hit the ceiling.
Wow, a disgusting story.
You should have never put their pictures online, Ari!
My marriage is over!
Greg, Greg, Greg.
It was 10 years of being together,
and her main argument was that she felt
like she'd missed out on her 20s.
Not entirely, but in a way that was scary
as she started entering into her 30s
and just, I guess, wondered what else was out there.
Imagine the fun when you meet somebody like you
who is fully able to commit.
Yeah.
You'll have something that you never had
with this other woman, no disrespect to what you guys had.
No, you can disrespect her all you want now.
For now, the question is just where do I go?
You're gonna be just ﬁne.
...look amazing.
- Amazing, like, all the time? - Yeah.
- Yes. - Jodi.
- Hey, happy birthday, right? - Hi.
- Yes, it's my birthday. - Hey, Jodi.
Hey, thank you.
- Happy birthday to everyone. - This is Jen and Ali.
- Happy birthday. - Happy birthday.
- Hi. Oh, okay. - Hey.
- To my happy birthday. - Happy birthday.
- Adam! - This is Ari.
- Jen. - Hi.
- Hey, how's it going? - Hi, Adam.
- Happy birthday. - Thank you.
- This is Jen and Ali. - Hi.
- Jen.
Adam.
- Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure.
- Awesome. - Am I in trouble?
No.
- Do you want me to sit here? - Sure, yeah. Why?
Great.
I've been wanting to apply for this position for a long time.
I'm... I'm Adam.
Did... did Jodi mention me at all to one of you?
No?
Because we had a nice little conversation last night
where she mentioned that she had a friend
who she felt, like, might sort of be the kind of person
who would be interested in talking to a guy like me.
I'm wondering if it's you. Or if it is you?
Guys, we gotta rally here, okay?
- Energy is low. - I'm good.
- You're good. - You're the only one
that's fucking good right now, Joshua.
- Yeah. - But this guy, comatose Carl,
come on, man. We gotta get some drinks in us, all right?
Happy birthday.
- Can I open this? - Yeah, sure.
Is this a CD mix?
Yes, it is a CD mix.
Does this mean you have a time machine back to 1998?
No, I just... my computer's really old,
so it does have the capabilities of burning CDs.
You should be more impressed that I actually found a...
- A CD? - A blank CD, yeah.
Oh, thank you so much.
It's just my size.
And that is from my private collection.
That's a big fatty. Thank you so much.
It actually is the loveliest birthday present
that I ever could have asked for.
It's very nice.
Looking at the history of ancient aliens,
you have to imagine that every visit from them
- kicked off a major new phase... - Oh.
...in human advancement.
You know, and there's examples of it basically at every huge leap
that we've taken as a civilization.
The most notable example, I guess, that I could reference
- is something like the pyramids. - Yeah.
I get it. You're preaching to the choir.
There's just clearly no way
that normal ancient Egyptians could have conceived of...
There's no way that humans with human hands
can build fucking pyramids. It's crazy.
- I'm gonna go. - Not only have they lasted longer
than everything else that was built around them,
just they're simply not what anything would have looked like at the time.
Before you say an important thing you have to button up...
And here's the thing that's going to blow your mind...
- Button up your shirt... - ...these visits and sort of...
- You like that? - Yeah, it's nice.
I usually button in another direction, but...
Are we...
...almost due for another one?
We should have gone to the Vineyard. That's all I asked.
It's, like, people think I just come up with these things arbitrarily,
like, "Let's go to a vineyard." No.
I do the research, okay?
If we'd gone to the Vineyard, we wouldn't have eaten mushrooms,
you wouldn't have lost your fucking mind.
It's just, like, people don't listen to me.
All I'm trying to do is create a fun, dynamic weekend.
I did... I did wanna, um, tell you something, though.
Okay.
I didn't get a chance to tell you last night...
...but I think you should know that I am married.
I wanted to tell you last night, but everything was a little crazy.
And it's hard.
Like, when do you... when are you supposed to say that?
Big time.
I'm sorry, that's... that's my fault.
- No. - Yeah, it's... I should've...
There's a million things I should... I should have...
That's okay.
It's... like, I get that... definitely, it is weird.
And I'm, like, holding my face.
But it's also, I get... you know...
Like, I know you.
Like, I know I've never met you, but I know you.
Well...
...that's, like, very heavy shit to throw down right now.
- I'm sorry. - Well, I feel a little embarrassed
that your friends all knew.
- I feel, like, stupid. - I'm sorry.
It's probably weirder for you than it is for me.
Yeah.
And I think you're a nice person.
And I don't really know what else to say
'cause I feel, like, very weird.
But, anyhow, I do have a birthday to celebrate.
And you have, yeah, you know. Thanks.
It's cool. You're good.
- Happy birthday. - Thank you.
- Everything's all right, though. - I'm good, yeah, I'm good.
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
- Do you need anything? - Nope.
You want, like, a water
or just, like, even a piece of bread maybe?
No, I don't want any water.
You might wanna watch your boots on the couch.
We don't wanna scuff it up and lose our deposit.
Yeah, I'm good. I'm really fine.
I'm good, yeah.
Hey, buddy.
- Hey, man. What are you doing? - Hey.
Oh... she passed out, so I don't want her boots fucking up the couch
and we lose our security deposit.
- So I'm taking them off. - Yeah, that's pretty creepy.
No, no, it's not creepy.
- I just... - No, in a good way.
- Oh, thanks. - Where's your iPod?
- Why? - Because I wanna put music on.
- Where's yours? - I just have my iPhone,
and it's a streaming music service.
I don't get reception up here, so just tell me where your iPod is.
I mean, I'm sure it's in my room,
- but I don't... - Okay, great.
Don't go to my room. Don't...
Hey, buddy, you're being a real fucking wet blanket, okay?
And it's getting really, really tough
to keep everything going with you being a wet blanket
and these ingrates with no ideas of their own.
Yeah, and everyone appreciates that,
but, you know, like, maybe tonight's just a wash.
Like, it's pretty late. People are tired.
We don't need music put on. Maybe the night's just over.
Trust me, the night is not over.
- It doesn't matter... it's just... - What the fuck am I doing here?
I thought you were taking me home.
To our home. I thought you wanted to come here.
No. I thought you were taking me...
I thought you were walking me home, my home.
- Where's my fucking shoe? - It's right here.
- Did you take my shoes off? - Just the one.
I took it off because it was scuffing up the couch.
- Give me that. - As long as you were passed out,
- you want to get comfortable. - You took off my shoes.
You're a fucking creep. Is that what you do?
You go to bars and pretend like you're a charming, artistic nerd?
And then you lure people back to your house?
You know, let's not start with the name calling.
- And I'm not a nerd. - No, you're not a nerd.
- You're a fucking psychopath. - Everything's fine.
- Get the fuck off me! - Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine. - Can I drive you home?
No, I don't need you to fucking drive me.
- Oh, shit. - I know how to walk.
- Oh! It's a... rental. - You wanna borrow a coat?
- What did you do? - I think she likes me.
- Eric? - Hey, yes. Come on in.
Hi. If you could just quickly come in here.
- How are you? - Hey, how are you?
I'm good. Nice to see you. I'm Eric. Come on in.
Greg?
- Oh, my God. - Eric, what did you do?
- What did you do? - What did I do?
- Greg, lights, please. - Hey, that's my iPod.
Gentlemen, let's welcome to the stage,
Kylie and Crystal!
- Oh, my God. - That's right.
- Hi, ladies. Come on in! - Hi.
- This is Joshua.
It's his lucky day.
Oh, you must be the one getting married.
Congratulations!
Lucky guy.
Wow.
- Please, unpack, ladies, unpack. - Okay.
Hey, will you guys let your friend outside
- know that we're here? - I'm sorry. What?
The suspicious-looking one.
I'm sorry, I'm not catching a word of this.
I mean, suspicious compared to the way you guys look.
- Give it a slap. - Okay.
Double.
- Do you want a dance? - You don't have to, you know?
You can just... you don't have to do all this. You can just hang out.
It's just whatever makes you feel comfortable.
I mean, I assume you get paid either way.
What do you want, though, sweetie?
Look.
You can dance while you're doing it or you can just
- sit perfectly still. - You need someone to talk to?
- Always. - When you have a bunch of thoughts
and you don't know what to do with them, just crush them.
And then you align the thoughts, you know?
And then you make logic of it. Look.
- You see one thought over here. - Yeah, totally.
- Another thought over here. - Yep.
If we make four thoughts, we can have two thoughts each.
Two thoughts each, okay.
You kind of look like my boyfriend.
- I do? - Yeah.
Ladies.
You're dating someone who resembles me?
Oh, yeah. Not only dating, he lives with us.
He's a really good step-dad to my daughter.
- You smell so good. - How do we differ?
I mean, does he dress like me or does he sound like me?
- Oh, he's Mexican. - Okay, that's one crucial difference.
Yeah. I have to give her insulin shots every morning.
Adam, your music sucks. We got to change to a new song, buddy.
She also has a really bad lung condition.
- See what we got on the next one. - I'm sorry, what?
Classical? Come on, man!
This song sucks, too. What's on your iPod?
Well, you... it's just on shuffle...
...so I don't know what's gonna come up.
Well, I didn't know that when I grabbed your shitty iPod
that all the songs would fucking blow!
Yeah, it's almost like when I was putting music on my iPod a year ago,
I wasn't thinking about fun stripper songs!
No, you didn't do that! You didn't plan anything
except to play your fucking board game,
just like nobody here planned anything except for me!
I try to do one nice thing for everybody!
- Bring strippers, fucking turn this... - May I have this dance?
Yes.
Don't insult my fucking friendship
with somebody that you don't even know that well!
Where the fuck do you even get off coming in here with this bullshit?
It's just... you know what? I don't need to stand here and be shouted at!
I'll take my fucking iPod. It's insufficient.
I'm sorry it's not good enough for you.
Take your ball! Go home and play kickball by yourself
- with your little dickey! - Adam, wait up.
Hey. No, that's fine. He's, like, sulking.
- I think he needs some company. - No. He just wants to go to bed.
He's actually kind of lame. And I'm not being shady right now,
but I'm gonna kind of, like, not let you go up there right now.
- You're not gonna let me go by? - No.
Crystal! Kylie! Let's go! Vámonos.
Thank you.
- Have a good honeymoon. - Oh, thank you.
I'm not getting... aw, fuck it.
- Bye. - Bye. It was good to meet you.
Sorry, pal. Sorry about that.
Wait. I think there's someone out there.
Look, there's someone right there. Look, he's running away.
- I see him. Grab the gun. - Who the fuck is that?
Oh, come on.
I think I see something.
Is that a guy?
Hey, are you a guy?
Hey, come out. Come out. We see you, man. We see you.
We see you. We fucking see you.
Holy shit.
All right, all right, it's cool.
Who the fuck are you, man?
Okay, it's cool. It's just nature.
- What? - It's nature?
What the fuck does that mean? Oh, oh, he's running.
What do we do? Do we go after him?
No, no, no. Let's fucking let him go.
What the fuck, man?
So I wanted to...
...apologize for my behavior last night with you.
I was very aggressive and yelling at you
and sort of pushing you around.
And it wasn't cool and so I wanted to say I'm sorry about that.
Yeah, I... I appreciate you apologizing.
You know, I mean, obviously, I know that my idea of fun
isn't the same as everybody else's,
but the fact that you can say this to me now really is much appreciated.
- So thank you. - Yeah, and you...
- you don't have to apologize to me. - Okay, great.
Yeah, I'm really going through some stuff, too.
And I just... I'm sorry if my energy,
especially yesterday and last night,
was, you know, getting in the way of you having any fun.
Sure. No, I appreciate you guys both saying that.
I think tonight is actually gonna be a very cathartic release for all of us.
Yeah, that'd be nice. Just sort of relax.
On that note, all right.
I'm gonna go take care of something.
See you guys for dinner.
I think maybe I'm ready to get out.
I don't wanna get swimmer's cough or anything.
Yeah, let's get out.
- Hello. - Hi.
- Come on in. - Are you Frank?
I am Frank. Are you...
- I'm Isadora. - Isadora.
- Hi. - Hi. Come here.
You look great.
This is exactly my style. I'm not kidding.
- Really? - I love that you guys have paintings.
- That's so beautiful. - I love paintings.
Do you really? I do, too. I prefer that.
It's like if I see a blank wall, it bums me out.
- Yeah. - This is very cool.
- Yeah. - Oh, it's a lot of necks.
- It's very... - It's like dogs playing poker,
- but people. - Right.
And here are two other works of art right here.
- Hi. - Greg, Adam, this is, uh, Isadora.
Hi, I'm Isadora. Hi. Oh, nice to meet you.
- Hi. I'm Greg. - Greg.
Oh, my God, you have a twin.
My sister's best friend Nicky looks a lot like you.
- A woman? I look... - Yeah, she's a girl.
You know, I always thought that I had ape features.
That's how I've always seen myself.
Yeah, you do, but just, like...
it's like Nicky, too, but a beautiful ape.
Apes are the most beautiful creatures on this planet.
- Thank you so much. - Yeah.
You got ape hands, too.
I do?
- It's a total compliment. - I'm sorry.
- Did I miss something? - Oh, um, Isadora here is a sex worker,
and she's gonna fuck us all for money.
- Absolutely, but not nec... - Or whoever wants...
it doesn't have to be... if you don't wanna fuck,
if you wanna... I got a lot of different holes,
you know what I'm saying? So don't worry about it.
You can do something with my feet or anal.
Whatever you're into. Also, I wanna say this
'cause I feel like this definitely helps when I say this
is that do not worry about money.
Please put that out of your head right now.
Don't start tallying it up like, "Oh, can I do this to her?"
It's gonna add it up. Don't worry.
I just wanna let you know that what I'm into doing
is whatever you are into doing.
Whatever relaxes you, makes you comfortable, pleases you.
Thank you for saying that. I appreciate that a lot.
- That is very cool of you. - You're welcome.
I'm gonna take you up on that. Thank you so much.
- Hey, please do. - I would love to start with you
just because I feel like... is that okay?
- I think that would be good. - Sure.
- That'd be great. - Can I get...
Is there a little room I can clean...
- Yeah. - Not clean up. I'm not dirty, I swear.
Of course you're not dirty. Nobody would ever think that you're dirty.
I'll show you to the bathroom.
No, no. I'll do it.
- Great. - Yeah.
- Cool. - Okay, cool.
- All right. - Right this way.
- Great. Thank you so much. - Madame.
- See you in a bit, buddy. - God, I love this.
I think I'm just gonna go for a hike.
- This... yeah, this isn't for me. - What?
I know. I know. I... I figured it was worth one last shot
to see if I could get you laid, but I could tell it's not your thing.
Sure, I appreciate it. You know, it's very nice of you
to, you know, be thinking of everyone's pleasure all the time, but...
She seems cool, though, I mean, honestly...
She seems great. I think it'll be a lot of fun
for you guys to have sex with her one after the other.
- But I'll just be outside. - Okay, buddy.
Hi, Jodi, hi. Hi, it's Ari.
I know I... I've been kind of stalking you,
but I... I, um...
No, I know, I know.
I was... I gave him a, um...
why am I blanking? A hand job, a handy, whatever,
you know what I mean? I... and I was...
and he was sobbing and coming and sobbing and coming,
and it was so profound to see what you could do to somebody,
you know, that's not just about... I was, like...
I mean, obviously, I'm sure he was glad he came,
but to know that it was so much more emotional than that,
- so... hi. - Hi.
- Hi. I'm Isadora, hi. Hi. - Hi.
Nice to meet you. Oh, good, this is good.
- The more, the merrier, good. - Oh.
- All right. - So do you see yourself
- as like a healer? - Yes.
- But, like, sex stuff too, right? - Yes, yes, yes! Oh, my God.
I love... oh, my God, oh, I love you.
I love that you said that because...
Rachel's parents are here. They're outside.
They're here now. I'm gonna go tell Josh.
What?
But, like, you'll do, like, fun stuff and...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, anything that you need...
Joshy? Joshy!
We gotta clean up! We gotta clean up!
- Oh. - Oh, okay.
- Not on my account? - No, we...
Honestly, don't.
We're gonna have you go to the bathroom. We're just gonna do a little cleanup.
Oh, I've gone.
I'm very cleansed out before I ever come to any sort of...
I know. I just want you to have a last looks in there.
Dude, the weed? We gotta get rid of this coke, bud.
- Come on. - What are we doing?
Sit the fuck down and just be...
Can I just ask why are we freaking out?
Sit the fuck down, Eric!
Why are we freaking out like we're in trouble? It's just parents!
Please!
- Hey, guys. - Hi.
- Hey, Joshy. - Hi.
- Long time. - Yeah.
- It's been a while. - We knew you were here, so...
- We spoke to your mother and... - Yes.
...you know, she mentioned that you were here and we thought...
- That you were here vacationing. - Thought maybe it's time to...
- Clear the air. - Clear the air, exactly.
- Yeah. - I have pictures for you.
- Come in and, uh, sure. - Oh.
- Yeah, just some friends of Rachels. - Thank you.
- Oh, yeah, is that... - ...and then we can...?
- Hey, guys. - Hey.
So this is, uh, these are Rachel's parents.
- How are you, Ari? - Steve and Claudia.
Hi. Nice to meet you. I hope we're not intruding.
We're gonna go for a... a hike.
Yeah.
Okay.
We were just talking about a book we read.
Have a seat. Sorry about this.
It's okay.
What's that pink thing?
Oh, this?
This is, uh... it's Ari's.
- He's trying to quit smoking. - Oh, it's a filter thing?
- Yeah. - My mother had one of those.
- It was fancy. - It's supposed to help.
First of all, we want to apologize to you.
I... I think we were both so, uh, shaken,
and I think we took it out on you.
Not letting you go to the funeral, that wasn't...
- ...wasn't really right, so... - And I hope you forgive us.
Well, wow, I mean, uh, honestly, this means a lot.
I mean, yes, sure, yeah, I forgive you.
I mean, that was really... that was hard.
It would help so much if we all just talked about what happened that day.
- It would really be helpful. - Understanding like, you know,
- the sequence of events. - You spoke to her right before.
She called me on the phone. She called me on the phone
to ask me one of my recipes, you know, which I love, of course,
because I'm very proud of my recipes.
So help us... help us, Josh, please.
Did you guys have a fight or something when you got home?
- Was there an emotional... - So, yeah, I got home
and we didn't... we talked about what I wanted to do for my birthday.
You came home and you talked... you talked to her?
So she was alive when you got back?
- Yeah. - This is what I'm saying.
This is different from what you told the police.
No, I'm talking about when I got home from work.
I came home from work and we started discussing
what I wanted to do for my birthday and then I went to the gym.
This is the part of the story that keeps changing
and this is why I wanna know what actually happened.
- We just need to know what happened. - Just tell us.
I... she was depressed.
- Depressed? - She was. She was distant and...
No, not Rachel. Our Rachel was not depressed.
- Never heard that. - Look, I tried to...
I tried to get kind of to the bottom of it
and every time, she'd mis... she... she'd deflect
and she wouldn't answer me. She was on, um...
- Drugs? Was she? - No.
- You guys were taking drugs? - No, we don't take drugs.
It was medication, you know, like, antidepressants.
Okay, you don't do drugs. She doesn't do drugs.
She's taking some... some medication from a doctor?
- Please tell me from a doctor? - Yes, yes.
You know, here's the thing.
It's just a little convoluted for us, right?
And so we actually paid for a second autopsy to be done.
The coroner said that it was actually inconclusive
- for it to be suicide. - Inconclusive.
- They couldn't say... - They couldn't say for sure
- that it was a suicide. - Could not say for sure.
So, okay, if she's not...
Hi. Thank you. I really had a nice time.
I'm kind of freaking out, so I'm gonna probably take off.
Thank you, though. I love your home.
So nice... it's very pretty.
Who is this?
I don't know who that is. I don't know who that is!
- I'm sure you don't know who that is. - You don't know who she is?
- No, I don't. - 'Cause you don't party.
- You don't party. - You don't do drugs.
- Let me show you something. - Let me get this out.
- You don't party. - You don't party.
- What's that? - You don't do drugs.
What is this? You taking photos of me?
How about guns? That's so much fun.
- This is a BB gun. - Who is she?
- Who is she? Any idea? - So much fun
when women strip and gyrate all over you when you're mourning.
- When you're mourning. - Look at that.
Look at that. Those marks were made by her?
- She did not do that to herself! - She strangled herself?
- Just tell the truth! - I am telling the truth.
- You killed our daughter! - Say the truth, Josh!
I'm telling the truth.
- I didn't fucking kill her! - Oh, really?
I knew you were that monster.
Do you fucking see this?
What the fuck is this?
That's so we could get all your lies on tape!
- I haven't been lying! - You're a liar.
- You're a fucking liar! - Get out!
- What are you doing? - Get out, you psychopaths. Get out!
- Get out. Take your photos. - We're gonna find out.
You can keep that! That's a little souvenir.
Should we go up there?
- We're on to you! - Great, yeah, yeah.
Is everything okay?
I don't know. I'm just...
I guess I'm just, um...
I'm tired of her.
I'm tired of, like...
I'm tired of her making me feel this way.
You know, because...
I don't know. She just... she... this is...
It's about her.
And it's been about her and...
I... I guess I don't know. You know what?
I'm a little... I'm a little tired of it.
She checks out, and I have to fucking deal with it!
And I have to deal with missing her and fucking feeling real fuckin' sad!
And having her fucking parents...
In case anyone's wondering,
I didn't, and I hope you fucking believe me
because I didn't murder someone.
I didn't murder her. I loved her very much.
And then I guess she thought that the best way to return that
would be to kill herself on my fucking birthday!
So, I don't know.
That's what I'm left with
and... and... and I'm even sorry now.
Like, you know, 'cause now I'm dragging you guys in.
I'm pulling you guys into this shit, and you have your own lives.
And everybody has their own problems.
And now you have to sit here and look at me do this.
It's so fucking weird.
It's so weird.
It's so stupid.
I'm so fucking mad at her.
I'm so mad at her.
Well... well,
Thanks, you know, for coming.
I don't know if you guys maybe just...
Adam, do you wanna play your game?
If you do.
I think that would be pretty fun.
Greg makes great grilled cheeses.
I do.
- Fuck it, let's play the game. - Let's play the game.
All right, okay.
Here.
You want a tissue?
Yeah. Looks used.
No. This is actually Adam's, um, handkerchief
that his grandfather gave him in the war.
- Oh? - And I spit my gum in it earlier,
- but it should be fine. - Spitting his gum in it
is a euphemism for using his grandfather's handkerchief as a cum rag.
I got this problem. I keep coming in my grandfather's handkerchief.
I don't know what to do. You gotta help me.
So, Joshua has just rolled three ones,
which means that we have been defeated by the Turtlesaurus.
However, the Mechas will stay strong.
Hey, Ari?
What we doing here, bud?
We're all waiting for...
to sign off before we launch the attack.
That's very good. You're half paying attention,
- but I like that. - Good. I'll be right back.
Okay.
This is why the grilled cheese is so good. This is what I did into it.
- Hi. - Shit!
- Hey, man. - Thanks for coming.
- Oh, yeah. - What did I do?
Hey, it's Jodi from the bar!
- Jodi. - That's right.
Just to catch you up, there's been an alien invasion.
We are the Mechas. We are the machines.
We are fighting all these monsters.
If the monsters continue to rise up, specifically the Turtlesaurus,
- we're fucked. - Great.
- I love that kind of stuff. - The Turtlesaurus
has been a real problemsaurus for us.
We're hoping for a core turbo charger.
Did you say the Turtlesaurus has been a problemsaurus?
- It's been a problem for us. - I'm gonna focus
on defeating the Turtlesaurus.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
Tell me something good!
I'll use my charge bomb. I'll use that on my next turn.
Should I bust out a charge bomb?
I don't know if you have one.
We just needed to have enough in order to dislodge the space flicker
and all to team up against...
You should, in fact, use that charge bomb
because I'd love to move at least three or four hexes
'cause this Turtlesaurus is coming out of the side.
I think that I'm gonna probably take a break from my marriage.
Okay, Eric.
I shouldn't be married. There's no reason.
I don't wear a ring. I've been flirting with women all weekend.
I wanna fuck other people. So I shouldn't be married.
So can I roll?
Great.
Pass me the die.
It's been a... there's a lot going on.
You guys are a hot group, you know?
Fifteen!
Yes!
He's not gonna get anything above an eight.
If I meant to do half of the things that I did,
I'd be a fucking genius, man.
- Cool. - I'd be huge, but I am what I am,
and that's all that I am. I'm fine.
And I'll take Gen Highway...
- Jen? - Jen?
- Jennifer. - Jennifer!
It's not Jennifer. It's... it's short for Genesis. It's a man.
Jennifer is a regular basic bitch, aren't you?
It's not a woman, and don't call me Jen.
- Call me Highway. - Okay, Highway.
- Thank you so much for coming. - Oh, you're so welcome.
- You're not feeling... - This doesn't seem really...
- What? - ...weird or anything?
- You're feeling weird. - I'm feeling very weird.
- Yeah, it's cool. - Okay.
It's okay.
I wouldn't have come if I didn't want to.
Yes!
Fuck, yeah, Jodi.
Okay, guys.
The game basically comes down to this roll.
Jodi, we need at least a 17 or the game is over.
Turtlesaurus is victorious,
eats us, and then hides us under his mutant shell.
Seventeen is pretty hard. It's, uh...
Out of three dice, that's only two in 18,
one in nine chance.
I want victory right now.
This Turtlesaurus is not gonna get into my life,
not tonight. Ready?
Here we go. Come on, Jodi.
And?
- Oh. - Fuck!
I'm so sorry. Shit!
Shit, man! We played... oh,
We've been playing this fucking thing all night
and that happens? Goddamn it!
- Fuck you! Fuck you! - Hey, Greg, Greg, Greg.
Well, since it's mostly, um, like, ruined, I think I should go.
I'm okay. I just had to let it out.
Goodbye, gentlemen.
- Bye, Jodi from the game! - Bye!
Sorry that I lost the game.
You know, it's a hard thing to fight a bunch of robots.
- You did good. - No, it's okay.
- It's not okay. I know I could... - You're embarrassing me.
- You're embarrassing. - We'll talk about it in the hall.
- See you later, turd! - Bye, Joshy.
- Bye. - Bye, Jodi!
- Bye, guys. Cool weekend. - Jodi, I'm on your side.
- Whatever, Greg. - I would still argue
that Mafia is the best board game.
Yeah, well, Mafia is not a board game.
There's no board. There's just sort of...
- Okay. Well, then, uh... - ...social fun and nonsense game.
Well, good game, asshole.
- Good game, sore loser. - Yeah.
Yeah, I...
Okay. No, I'm sorry.
That... is... confusing.
Yeah.
And... whoa!
Okay, yeah.
Okay, okay.
All right.
- Hey, Joshua. - Thanks for coming, man.
I gotta say, Eric, this was a really fun weekend.
Thank you.
- Greg? Take care. - Hey.
Be in touch, we'll get something planned.
I'm gonna plan a game weekend with you, buddy.
- Let's do it, a whole tournament. - I love games now.
- It's your new thing. - Yeah, so fun.
There's a lot of great literature about them online.
Very critical community, so...
Hey.
- You, too, Adam. - Yeah.
- You, too. - Come back.
Come back and hang out.
- Sure, yeah, I'd love to. - Okay.
- I'd love to. - Thanks.
I'll probably never see you guys ever again,
but that doesn't take away from the fact
that this has been one of the most important weekends
of my entire life.
And I thank you. I thank you for that.
I don't know if you guys knew this,
but Greg was a bit of a mess before he got here.
- Ha. - Okay.
- See you, man.
- Bye. - Bye, guys.
Hey, guys?
Positive vibes, positive energy!
Positive vibes, positive energy.
- You ready? - Yeah.
Okay.
- I'm gonna take off as well. - Sure, man. I'll see you.
- Thanks for coming. - Yeah, of course, buddy.
- Bye. - See you.
Take it easy, man.
It was good to see you.
Yeah.
Thanks for coming, man.
Sure. I would...
I would come again.
I will... I will always be coming.
- Coming 24 hours a day. - I can't stop coming.
- Yeah. Okay. - Yeah?