WEBVTT

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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

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Find a good hiding place.

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Good job, boys.

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Eye contact is very important
when trying to seduce your partner.

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It's the most overlooked step by virgins,
so remember this for your first time.

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Yeah, yeah, we get it.

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Look at them
before you fuck their brains out.

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Now, can we move on to the sex positions?

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'Cause that's what I paid $80 for.

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Actually, that's what I paid $80 for.

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Yeah, don't worry, Jack.
I'll pay you back, I'll pay you back.

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You boys can figure this out later.

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Right now, I want you to pretend
that Bailey is a girl from class

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that you brought home to your room.

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Show me how you would seduce her.

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Jack, you go first.

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Hey. Hey there, Bailey.

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Um, how was school for you today?

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For me, it was okay.

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I had a stomach ache, though.

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But the nurse just said I ate too much.

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What are you doing?

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Take off your shirt already.

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Come on.

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Yeah. Yeah.

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Sorry my chest is so smooth.

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I can't grow any chest hair.

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She's losing interest
and is about to call for a ride home.

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What are you gonna do to make her stay?

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Come on, you've got this, you've got this.

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Oh, my fucking God.

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Okay, Jack, that's enough.

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Not one girl is gonna wanna sleep with you
with that lack of confidence.

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You need to work on that.
Duncan, your turn.

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- Good luck.
- I don't need luck.

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Scarlett, play some music.

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That's a nice touch.

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Hey, little sexy.

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Whoo!

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Yeah, yeah, you like what you see?

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Do you like that?

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Whoo!

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Wait, why were you wearing those?

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Wow.

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"Oh, my God, it's so big."

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I know.

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You ever been fucked
by a British boy before?

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Huh? Huh? Yeah!

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Yeah!

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Uh, Duncan, that's a little aggressive.

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Not all the girls get into it that quickly.

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Scarlett, look at me!

53
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I am the captain now.

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Jack, get over here!

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Show Bailey a good time.

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Oh!

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Wait. Don't you think this is a little weird?

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Jack, we're best friends, nothing is weird.

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Okay, my time's up here, boys. Sorry.

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Oh! Oh, God, I'm getting close.

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What?

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Happy last day in America.

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Ah!

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Did you just come?

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Good morning, Glenbrook High School!

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Well, I hope everyone's excited
for summer break.

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I know I sure am.

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Okay, make sure everyone
returns their books to the library...

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Hey, guys, so this is
the ghost chili challenge.

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Now, see, I put it...

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Oh, no! Oh, no!

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Your new video is terrible.

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It only takes one video to go viral.

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- Fuck!
- Oh.

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And here to read this year's
final morning announcements

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is the captain of the football team,
Tucker Jones.

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Yo, yo, yo. What's goin' on, everyone?

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Tucker Jones on the mike.

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Today's lunch is meatloaf
with mashed potatoes,

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and if you're a vegan
for whatever stupid reason, it's salad.

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Also, I just wanna address the rumor
that's been going on about me.

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Yes, I did hook up with Jaclyn Wasinowski,

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and, yes, she does have herpes,
but I did not contract it.

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- Tucker!
- Marsha, I'm okay, all right? Relax.

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Just stick to the paper.

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Marsha, calm your tits.

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Also, I just wanna
remind everyone that tonight,

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I am having the sickest end-of-the-year party

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celebrating my cat, Mr. Pickles,

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hitting 10 million subscribers on YouTube.

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Yeah. All girls welcome,
guys gotta be on my VIP list.

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Okay, thank you, Tucker.

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And that's how it's done, bitches.

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Pussy-ass dick holes.

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Did you get invited to his party?

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- No, did you?
- No.

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Have a great summer,
and well see y'all next fall.

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Principal Raheem will see you boys now.

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Sorry. Mrs. Cole said to come in.

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Have a seat, boys.

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I'm trying to finish something here.

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Who the fuck told me this was easy?

103
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Uh, Principal Raheem, what are you doing?

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I'm playing a virtual reality game.

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It's called Shit Swipe. It's very addicting.

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You have to grab these little turds

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and move them around so they match,
and it's really fucking difficult.

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No. No, no. What's happening? Move.

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It's frozen!

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Fuck!

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Stupid shit of a game!

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Fucking stupid shit of a fucking game.

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So, I hope you guys enjoyed
your stay in the States.

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Did you get a chance to do some fun things?

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Like going to Disneyland?

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Yeah, we went.

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Um, it was great.

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A lot of kids, though.

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And fat people.

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Well, this is America, you know.

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Did you go to any baseball games?

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I didn't really know what was going on.

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So I just cheered
when everyone else cheered.

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So many fat people.

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Yeah, but what about the ladies?

126
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Did you get a chance
to experience any American girls?

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No girls? Not even fat girls?

128
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Nope.

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I haven't had sex with one girl
since I've been here,

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and I just know all my friends
are gonna just call me a "wankstain virgin"

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when I get back.

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You're a virgin, too, aren't you, Jack?

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I don't think we need to talk about that.

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So you're telling me that

135
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we have two foreign boys
who are both virgins?

136
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Oh, I shouldn't laugh because,

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you know, it wasn't easy
for me either with the girls.

138
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When I came from India,
I would only find work

139
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as a street performer
on Hollywood Boulevard.

140
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I would play Wolverine,
Michael Jackson, Frog Boy.

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You know, anything to make a few bucks
until I got my big break

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and I became a high school principal.

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Then, poof, all hell broke loose.

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I couldn't keep the girls away, like flies.

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I said, "Back off, bitches.

146
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"Where were you
when I was Michael Jackson?"

147
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Wait, how did anyone think
you were Michael Jackson?

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And what's Frog Boy?

149
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Wouldn't you like to know.

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What I'm trying to say is that
if you can't get laid in America,

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you can't get laid anywhere.

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And if you're lucky like me,
you can go home to this every night.

153
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Pretty sexy, eh?

154
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I am watching you.

155
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Don't get any ideas.

156
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Shalonda is all mine.

157
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And she is very good with her hands.

158
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Anyway, enough of the cock teasing.
Here we go.

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Here are your foreign exchange certificates,

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and good luck to you, boys.

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I hope I have been an inspiration.

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Thank you.

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Okay.

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I hope you're de-virginized
when I see you next.

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Send me a card.

166
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Marsha, get that troublemaker Billy Franco

167
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to come and take back his Shit Swipe game.

168
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It's fuckin' broken.

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Dude, I gotta get laid tonight,
just, somehow.

170
00:09:52.425 --> 00:09:54.553
Good luck. Hiring a prostitute doesn't count.

171
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I'm not going to hire a prostitute,
but you know what?

172
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I'm not gonna rule anything out.

173
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Jack?

174
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Hey, Jack.

175
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Hey. Hey, Kaylee.

176
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Thank you so much for letting me
cheat off your test yesterday.

177
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- I got a B.
- That's great.

178
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Okay, well, see you, bro.

179
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Uh, what are your plans for tonight?

180
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Um, tonight's my last night in the States.

181
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What? Oh, my God.

182
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I can't believe it's your last night
and we never got to hang out.

183
00:10:50.817 --> 00:10:52.785
I didn't think you knew I existed.

184
00:10:52.986 --> 00:10:54.829
Yeah, you're that cute British kid.

185
00:10:55.196 --> 00:10:58.075
I'm South African, but I could be British.

186
00:11:00.368 --> 00:11:02.540
Well, Mr. South Africa,

187
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are you going to Tucker's party tonight?

188
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I want to go.

189
00:11:06.666 --> 00:11:09.044
Oh, my God. You have to go.

190
00:11:09.127 --> 00:11:11.755
We have to make your last night here
a night to remember.

191
00:11:12.297 --> 00:11:13.298
What?

192
00:11:14.174 --> 00:11:15.300
Let me see your phone.

193
00:11:22.056 --> 00:11:23.899
Okay, there's my number.

194
00:11:24.017 --> 00:11:25.269
Text me so we can meet up tonight?

195
00:11:25.351 --> 00:11:27.353
- Maybe we can even...
- Have sex.

196
00:11:27.729 --> 00:11:29.442
I mean, that's what I plan on doing tonight.

197
00:11:29.522 --> 00:11:31.900
Get off me, and I hope
you're talking about someone else,

198
00:11:31.983 --> 00:11:33.404
because we broke up, remember?

199
00:11:33.484 --> 00:11:35.111
Whatever, you'll come back.

200
00:11:35.570 --> 00:11:37.664
- They always come back.
- Definitely not.

201
00:11:39.574 --> 00:11:41.247
You look like you're 12 years old,
you know that?

202
00:11:41.576 --> 00:11:43.456
- Okay.
- Why don't you lift something, bro?

203
00:11:43.536 --> 00:11:45.333
Your arms look like ramen noodles.
I could slurp you.

204
00:11:45.413 --> 00:11:47.001
Tucker, stop.

205
00:11:47.081 --> 00:11:48.173
You wanna go, bro?

206
00:11:51.377 --> 00:11:52.549
Saved by the bell.

207
00:11:53.880 --> 00:11:54.881
Little bitch.

208
00:11:56.507 --> 00:11:59.727
Hey, would you at least walk me to class,
just one more time, please?

209
00:12:00.220 --> 00:12:01.472
Come on.

210
00:12:02.347 --> 00:12:05.019
Okay, fine. But don't put your arm
around me.

211
00:12:05.099 --> 00:12:06.442
I wasn't going to. Don't yell at me.

212
00:12:07.310 --> 00:12:09.733
- See you tonight, Jack.
- I'll put it in my schedule.

213
00:12:10.146 --> 00:12:11.318
Fuck you, Jack.

214
00:12:12.065 --> 00:12:14.784
My sweet, sweet Kaylee.

215
00:12:16.277 --> 00:12:17.244
What?

216
00:12:17.362 --> 00:12:18.534
Nothing.

217
00:12:23.743 --> 00:12:26.292
# Just leave me alone

218
00:12:26.579 --> 00:12:29.583
# Meow

219
00:12:30.083 --> 00:12:32.757
# In the dark, I wanna cringe

220
00:12:33.419 --> 00:12:34.671
# I miss you so much

221
00:12:37.298 --> 00:12:40.222
# In the dark, I wanna #

222
00:12:44.138 --> 00:12:45.139
Oh...

223
00:12:45.473 --> 00:12:46.440
Fuck.

224
00:12:47.392 --> 00:12:49.736
That song was dedicated to
my cat, Sprinkles.

225
00:12:49.978 --> 00:12:51.571
She was my best friend.

226
00:12:52.313 --> 00:12:54.657
Okay, let's hear
what you're passionate about

227
00:12:54.774 --> 00:12:56.151
with your final performance.

228
00:12:57.944 --> 00:13:00.242
Duncan, you're up first.

229
00:13:07.620 --> 00:13:08.917
Go get 'em.

230
00:13:11.833 --> 00:13:14.336
Um, my final song is called,

231
00:13:14.627 --> 00:13:17.756
Fuck What My Friends Say,
I'm Good at FIFA.

232
00:13:21.926 --> 00:13:24.304
# It's FIFA time
So I'ma make you all my bitch

233
00:13:24.804 --> 00:13:27.853
# So shut the fuck up
Or I'll put you in a ditch

234
00:13:27.974 --> 00:13:30.438
# I play online, I win online
That's how I roll

235
00:13:30.518 --> 00:13:33.772
# 'Cause I never lose a game
You think I suck? Hell, no

236
00:13:34.522 --> 00:13:38.152
# I got a big dick
I know you're fucking jealous

237
00:13:38.276 --> 00:13:41.496
# I'm a FIFA don, like in Goodfellas

238
00:13:41.612 --> 00:13:42.989
# Haters getting mad

239
00:13:43.072 --> 00:13:44.824
# But I'm the one with lows

240
00:13:44.949 --> 00:13:47.452
# So if you're hating
You can go and suck my balls #

241
00:13:47.535 --> 00:13:48.536
Stop.

242
00:13:49.370 --> 00:13:52.374
Duncan, I really want you
to hit that note right there.

243
00:13:52.582 --> 00:13:55.421
You're at the climax of the chorus
and everyone needs to feel that passion.

244
00:13:55.501 --> 00:13:56.878
So do it again.

245
00:13:57.754 --> 00:13:59.006
At the balls?

246
00:13:59.380 --> 00:14:00.506
The balls.

247
00:14:01.215 --> 00:14:04.310
# To all my haters
You can go and suck my balls

248
00:14:04.427 --> 00:14:05.515
# Suck my balls

249
00:14:05.595 --> 00:14:06.596
Like that.

250
00:14:07.180 --> 00:14:09.057
- You want me to sing it?
- Yes.

251
00:14:09.140 --> 00:14:10.312
# Suck my balls

252
00:14:11.726 --> 00:14:14.605
# Suck my balls, suck my balls

253
00:14:15.897 --> 00:14:17.570
# Suck my balls #

254
00:14:19.233 --> 00:14:20.405
You did it.

255
00:14:21.819 --> 00:14:22.991
Bring it in, homie.

256
00:14:24.739 --> 00:14:26.867
Oh, it's beautiful.

257
00:14:26.991 --> 00:14:28.664
Everyone, give it up for Duncan.

258
00:14:30.119 --> 00:14:32.247
A plus, plus, plus. Whoo!

259
00:14:32.663 --> 00:14:34.415
And that, everyone, is how

260
00:14:34.540 --> 00:14:38.006
you take direction
and turn it into perfection.

261
00:14:38.086 --> 00:14:41.634
Now, another song about
one of my other cats, Chip.

262
00:14:41.714 --> 00:14:45.093
Yo, your pitch was a little off,
but the song was pretty sick, I guess.

263
00:14:46.636 --> 00:14:48.479
- Thanks, man.
- Shut up.

264
00:14:50.598 --> 00:14:51.941
Duncan.

265
00:15:20.378 --> 00:15:21.379
Hey, Tucker.

266
00:15:22.797 --> 00:15:24.799
Can Jack and I come to your party tonight?

267
00:15:25.091 --> 00:15:26.968
No, fuck no, all right?

268
00:15:27.051 --> 00:15:28.553
My place is gonna be crawling with hotties.

269
00:15:28.636 --> 00:15:30.934
I don't need two foreign losers
coming and killing the vibe.

270
00:15:31.055 --> 00:15:32.102
So shut up and turn around.

271
00:15:38.646 --> 00:15:40.114
Duncan.

272
00:15:50.575 --> 00:15:51.576
Hey, Tucker?

273
00:15:52.952 --> 00:15:53.953
What?

274
00:15:54.328 --> 00:15:55.796
It's our last night, man.

275
00:15:56.706 --> 00:15:59.253
And it would really mean a lot.

276
00:15:59.333 --> 00:16:02.428
Besides, I'm really trying to get laid.

277
00:16:03.629 --> 00:16:06.719
All right, look, the only way
you guys are getting into my party

278
00:16:06.799 --> 00:16:08.301
is if you bring two girls with you.

279
00:16:08.926 --> 00:16:09.927
Okay.

280
00:16:10.303 --> 00:16:11.475
Hot girls.

281
00:16:12.138 --> 00:16:13.101
Okay.

282
00:16:13.181 --> 00:16:14.808
And not from this school, all right?

283
00:16:14.932 --> 00:16:16.434
I wanna meet some new baes.

284
00:16:17.351 --> 00:16:18.398
Okay.

285
00:16:18.769 --> 00:16:21.443
Make sure they're hot
or you're not getting in.

286
00:16:21.981 --> 00:16:25.781
They're gonna be so fucking hot.

287
00:16:26.235 --> 00:16:28.741
Why would you promise Tucker
we could bring two hot girls?

288
00:16:28.821 --> 00:16:31.950
Because that's the only way
we're getting into his party tonight.

289
00:16:32.033 --> 00:16:35.248
But we don't know any girls,
especially hot ones.

290
00:16:35.328 --> 00:16:37.080
Yo, I just got you past the VIP list

291
00:16:37.163 --> 00:16:39.541
so you can see Kaylee tonight, all right?

292
00:16:40.500 --> 00:16:42.422
The least you can say is, "Thank you."

293
00:16:42.502 --> 00:16:43.965
But if I arrive at the party
with another girl,

294
00:16:44.045 --> 00:16:45.967
there's no way Kaylee's gonna talk to me.

295
00:16:46.047 --> 00:16:47.135
Listen to me, okay?

296
00:16:47.215 --> 00:16:49.804
If you want to have any chance
of seeing your lover tonight

297
00:16:49.884 --> 00:16:50.976
and getting laid,

298
00:16:51.344 --> 00:16:54.723
then you need to help me find
hot girls for this party.

299
00:16:54.805 --> 00:16:57.479
Then, once we're inside,
you can go and see Kaylee.

300
00:16:59.602 --> 00:17:01.604
Come on, bro, do you want to remember this

301
00:17:01.687 --> 00:17:04.277
as the night
that you went to bed at 9:00 p.m.

302
00:17:04.357 --> 00:17:07.406
or the night that you went after Kaylee?

303
00:17:08.986 --> 00:17:10.533
Fine. I'm in.

304
00:17:10.738 --> 00:17:12.740
Yes, my nigga.

305
00:17:16.244 --> 00:17:21.546
Beth, your parents found
this disturbing drawing in your room,

306
00:17:21.666 --> 00:17:23.418
and it concerns me.

307
00:17:23.501 --> 00:17:24.718
Do you want to explain this?

308
00:17:25.336 --> 00:17:26.924
That's me burning my entire house

309
00:17:27.004 --> 00:17:29.848
with everything inside it,
including my parents.

310
00:17:30.299 --> 00:17:31.801
That's what we're talking about.

311
00:17:31.884 --> 00:17:33.973
My wife gave birth to a little demon.

312
00:17:34.053 --> 00:17:35.766
Oh, now this is my fault?

313
00:17:35.846 --> 00:17:39.066
Let's just try to focus on the positives.

314
00:17:39.600 --> 00:17:42.479
As horrific as this image is,

315
00:17:42.562 --> 00:17:44.690
your daughter is a pretty talented artist,

316
00:17:44.772 --> 00:17:47.901
and you should encourage her
to explore her abilities.

317
00:17:48.025 --> 00:17:50.027
She drew a picture of herself murdering us.

318
00:17:50.111 --> 00:17:52.580
Maybe you should've gotten me that iPad
for my birthday.

319
00:17:52.697 --> 00:17:56.918
Uh, Beth, blackmailing your parents
with death threats is not appropriate.

320
00:17:57.952 --> 00:17:59.920
Ugh, nobody gets me!

321
00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:01.376
Why do you have to talk to her like that?

322
00:18:01.872 --> 00:18:03.465
I enjoy it.

323
00:18:03.666 --> 00:18:05.509
Boys.

324
00:18:05.918 --> 00:18:08.091
How does it feel to be done
with high school?

325
00:18:09.046 --> 00:18:10.423
It pretty much feels the same.

326
00:18:10.798 --> 00:18:14.264
Lisa and I would like to take you to Chef
Nelson's Crab Shack tonight for dinner.

327
00:18:14.635 --> 00:18:16.137
Well, and Beth, too.

328
00:18:16.220 --> 00:18:18.643
- Yeah, you shouldn't leave her alone.
- What?

329
00:18:18.973 --> 00:18:20.816
- Uh...
- We...

330
00:18:21.100 --> 00:18:23.694
We kinda have a party tonight.

331
00:18:23.978 --> 00:18:25.316
Oh, my God.

332
00:18:25.396 --> 00:18:27.649
Did you get invited
to Tucker's YouTube party?

333
00:18:27.940 --> 00:18:29.738
Yeah.

334
00:18:29.900 --> 00:18:32.244
Wait, how do you know about that?

335
00:18:32.653 --> 00:18:34.405
Oh, yeah, well, you know,
me and some of the moms,

336
00:18:34.488 --> 00:18:36.327
we have a FaceChat group at the school

337
00:18:36.407 --> 00:18:37.909
where we get together and chat and gossip.

338
00:18:38.409 --> 00:18:41.958
So, Jack, there's a rumor going around that
you have a thing for that Kaylee girl?

339
00:18:43.414 --> 00:18:44.710
Wait. People know I like her?

340
00:18:44.790 --> 00:18:47.380
Oh, my God, yes.
We talk about it all the time.

341
00:18:47.460 --> 00:18:49.337
Ben's mom, Jill's mom,
they're kind of obsessed with you.

342
00:18:49.420 --> 00:18:50.591
You're, like, their favorite couple.

343
00:18:50.671 --> 00:18:52.139
We're, like, rooting for you.

344
00:18:52.423 --> 00:18:54.095
Actually, it is pretty obvious, dude.

345
00:18:54.175 --> 00:18:55.388
Yeah.

346
00:18:55.468 --> 00:18:57.311
Well, you can go to dinner
tonight before, right?

347
00:18:57.428 --> 00:18:58.930
Come on, it's Chef Nelson's.

348
00:18:59.013 --> 00:19:00.811
Best octopus and eight-course meals.

349
00:19:01.140 --> 00:19:03.896
Oh, my God, honey,
they don't wanna eat your stupid octopus.

350
00:19:03.976 --> 00:19:06.149
They've got a huge party tonight
to get ready for.

351
00:19:06.479 --> 00:19:08.652
Tonight's kind of a big night
for you guys, huh?

352
00:19:10.066 --> 00:19:11.534
All right, go do your thing.

353
00:19:12.318 --> 00:19:13.614
- All right.
- Thank you.

354
00:19:13.694 --> 00:19:16.948
But you know what? You have early flights
in the morning, so don't stay out too late.

355
00:19:17.031 --> 00:19:18.203
We won't.

356
00:19:18.824 --> 00:19:20.167
Those are some good boys.

357
00:19:20.368 --> 00:19:21.665
They're just the best.

358
00:19:22.912 --> 00:19:25.631
All my friends fucked girls
when they studied here,

359
00:19:25.748 --> 00:19:27.500
I'm gonna be the pussy of the group.

360
00:19:28.209 --> 00:19:31.383
Oh, man. We gotta find some girls, man.

361
00:19:32.213 --> 00:19:33.759
Why don't you ask Tabitha
to come to the party?

362
00:19:33.839 --> 00:19:35.056
She totally wants your willy.

363
00:19:35.424 --> 00:19:37.597
Tabitha is a complete BLOB.

364
00:19:37.968 --> 00:19:39.185
What's a BLOB?

365
00:19:39.303 --> 00:19:40.805
You know the girl that
you'd never have sex with,

366
00:19:40.888 --> 00:19:42.602
but when the night is coming to an end

367
00:19:42.682 --> 00:19:45.686
and you run out of options,
you start to consider her,

368
00:19:45.810 --> 00:19:50.236
and God, pretty much it's a...
Basic Last Option Bae. BLOB.

369
00:19:51.023 --> 00:19:52.320
You've never had sex.

370
00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:53.868
Yeah, but I've thought about it,

371
00:19:53.984 --> 00:19:57.158
and, oh, no, no, she's definitely a BLOB.

372
00:19:58.489 --> 00:20:00.491
Kaylee gave me her number today.

373
00:20:01.659 --> 00:20:03.411
How long do you think I should wait
before I text her?

374
00:20:03.703 --> 00:20:04.875
I don't know, three hours?

375
00:20:06.372 --> 00:20:07.965
Too late, I already sent it.

376
00:20:08.207 --> 00:20:12.173
Well, let's pretend Kaylee doesn't exist
for two seconds.

377
00:20:12.253 --> 00:20:14.506
Where would you go to find hot girls?

378
00:20:14.672 --> 00:20:17.801
I told you, why don't you bring
the BLOB and one of her friends?

379
00:20:17.883 --> 00:20:19.972
But Tucker said they can't be
from our school, remember?

380
00:20:20.052 --> 00:20:22.180
How are we supposed to do that?

381
00:20:25.224 --> 00:20:26.567
It's your brother.

382
00:20:30.396 --> 00:20:33.361
- What's up, nigga?
- Freddie, my nigga.

383
00:20:33.441 --> 00:20:35.990
- Will you look at this nigga?
- What the fuck are you doing?

384
00:20:36.152 --> 00:20:37.698
Whoa! You can't say that, bro.

385
00:20:37.778 --> 00:20:40.326
I'm really sorry about that.
That came out racist.

386
00:20:40.406 --> 00:20:42.750
- I'm not racist.
- Jesus fucking Christ.

387
00:20:42.867 --> 00:20:43.868
I have black friends.

388
00:20:43.951 --> 00:20:46.921
I'm picking you up from the airport tomorrow
'cause Mom and Dad are busy.

389
00:20:47.121 --> 00:20:49.669
All right, that's great,
but something more important has come up.

390
00:20:49.749 --> 00:20:52.713
Pretty much, we need to find hot girls
for this party tonight.

391
00:20:52.793 --> 00:20:53.760
Got any ideas?

392
00:20:53.878 --> 00:20:56.717
Looks like the virgin needs help
from his younger brother.

393
00:20:56.797 --> 00:20:58.177
You wish I was a virgin,

394
00:20:58.257 --> 00:21:00.976
'cause then I'd fuck you
and lose my virginity, bitch.

395
00:21:01.093 --> 00:21:02.056
What?

396
00:21:02.136 --> 00:21:03.724
I'm two years younger than you

397
00:21:03.804 --> 00:21:05.556
and I've already had sex with three girls.

398
00:21:05.931 --> 00:21:07.186
Where did you meet these girls?

399
00:21:07.266 --> 00:21:10.486
I used this new blind dating app
called Blindr.

400
00:21:10.811 --> 00:21:11.857
A blind dating app?

401
00:21:11.937 --> 00:21:13.939
That just sounds stupid, Freddie.

402
00:21:14.064 --> 00:21:15.816
Check it out. I just sent you a link.

403
00:21:19.945 --> 00:21:21.492
Having trouble meeting girls?

404
00:21:22.323 --> 00:21:25.452
Do you do better with girls
when they don't know what you look like?

405
00:21:25.576 --> 00:21:28.079
Then Blindr is just what you need.

406
00:21:28.162 --> 00:21:29.375
It's so simple.

407
00:21:29.455 --> 00:21:31.544
Just enter your information into your profile

408
00:21:31.624 --> 00:21:33.212
and start blinding away.

409
00:21:33.292 --> 00:21:34.965
- With its new patented...
- Pretty sick, right?

410
00:21:35.085 --> 00:21:36.587
Shut up, Freddie! I can't hear.

411
00:21:36.712 --> 00:21:39.465
Here's what a real-life couple
has to say about Blindr.

412
00:21:40.007 --> 00:21:41.429
Before, girls wouldn't even look at me.

413
00:21:41.509 --> 00:21:42.476
But now, with Blindr,

414
00:21:42.760 --> 00:21:45.224
I let my personality shine through
and I found my soulmate.

415
00:21:45.304 --> 00:21:46.305
It's true.

416
00:21:46.555 --> 00:21:49.770
I wouldn't have even talked to
a guy like Lance several months ago.

417
00:21:49.850 --> 00:21:50.938
I mean, look at him.

418
00:21:51.018 --> 00:21:53.899
But thanks to Blindr,
I've been seduced by his mind.

419
00:21:53.979 --> 00:21:55.151
Thanks, Blindr.

420
00:21:55.689 --> 00:21:57.111
We can do this.

421
00:21:57.191 --> 00:21:59.444
You can even use our double date option

422
00:21:59.527 --> 00:22:01.325
to score a double blind date.

423
00:22:01.445 --> 00:22:02.446
Yes.

424
00:22:02.530 --> 00:22:04.908
Download the app for free and get blinding.

425
00:22:04.990 --> 00:22:08.335
Because you know what they say,
true love is blind.

426
00:22:09.203 --> 00:22:10.546
- Sorry, Freddie, gotta go.
- Uh...

427
00:22:11.288 --> 00:22:13.040
This is perfect. Let's do it.

428
00:22:13.541 --> 00:22:15.339
I'm not into meeting people online.
That's creepy.

429
00:22:15.501 --> 00:22:18.471
Come on, man,
that's how everyone meets people nowadays.

430
00:22:18.587 --> 00:22:21.135
Besides, we're not
actually dating these girls.

431
00:22:21.215 --> 00:22:23.013
We're just gonna
take them to the party with us,

432
00:22:23.133 --> 00:22:24.100
and then we're in.

433
00:22:26.136 --> 00:22:27.353
Come on, Jack.

434
00:22:28.138 --> 00:22:29.810
If you're not feeling it once we get there,

435
00:22:29.890 --> 00:22:32.894
then we can easily just leave.

436
00:22:34.854 --> 00:22:36.197
It's Kaylee.

437
00:22:36.856 --> 00:22:38.903
"Hey, Jack, what time
are you going to the party tonight?"

438
00:22:38.983 --> 00:22:41.155
Why don't you tell her,
"Sorry, I can't make it tonight

439
00:22:41.235 --> 00:22:42.452
"because I'm too much of a pussy

440
00:22:42.820 --> 00:22:45.664
"to go meet some girls
on a blind dating app."

441
00:22:52.413 --> 00:22:54.960
- Let's do it.
- Yes! Yes!

442
00:22:55.040 --> 00:22:56.041
Downloading now.

443
00:22:57.501 --> 00:22:58.548
Okay.

444
00:23:00.671 --> 00:23:01.923
Yeah, it takes a while.

445
00:23:04.008 --> 00:23:05.009
Okay, we're in.

446
00:23:05.092 --> 00:23:08.096
All right, double date and name.

447
00:23:08.554 --> 00:23:11.143
Duncan and Jack.

448
00:23:11.223 --> 00:23:13.396
No, we can't use our real names.

449
00:23:13.517 --> 00:23:15.440
Why not? We're leaving
the country tomorrow.

450
00:23:15.728 --> 00:23:17.196
People can stalk you.

451
00:23:18.439 --> 00:23:21.237
Okay, fine, I'm keeping my name.

452
00:23:21.317 --> 00:23:22.864
What do you want your name to be?

453
00:23:24.153 --> 00:23:25.154
Thor.

454
00:23:25.738 --> 00:23:27.706
I've always wanted lo be called Thor.

455
00:23:28.741 --> 00:23:31.164
Thor is a pretty fucking cool name.

456
00:23:31.827 --> 00:23:33.420
All right, I am changing mine as well.

457
00:23:33.537 --> 00:23:34.959
I told you.

458
00:23:35.289 --> 00:23:36.415
Petrie.

459
00:23:36.749 --> 00:23:40.506
- Petrie?
- Petrie and Thor it is.

460
00:23:40.586 --> 00:23:43.430
- Nice.
- Okay, income.

461
00:23:44.298 --> 00:23:45.390
What's the highest you can put?

462
00:23:45.507 --> 00:23:46.508
Uh...

463
00:23:46.759 --> 00:23:50.182
- Over $500,000 a year.
- Put that.

464
00:23:50.262 --> 00:23:53.102
The more money we appear to have,
the hotter girls we'll get.

465
00:23:53.182 --> 00:23:55.526
Jack, this is why I love you.

466
00:23:57.269 --> 00:23:58.482
Oh, my God.

467
00:23:58.562 --> 00:24:01.566
Thor and Petrie, high rollers.

468
00:24:02.733 --> 00:24:04.360
There is no way we're not gonna land

469
00:24:04.443 --> 00:24:07.783
the hottest girls on Blindr
with this description.

470
00:24:07.863 --> 00:24:09.490
It's... It's foolproof.

471
00:24:09.949 --> 00:24:11.451
Let's start swiping now.

472
00:24:11.575 --> 00:24:12.663
Yes, yes, yes, yes...

473
00:24:12.743 --> 00:24:14.711
So, what are you looking for
when you say yes?

474
00:24:14.995 --> 00:24:16.917
Pretty much, it's just a numbers game.

475
00:24:16.997 --> 00:24:18.919
Yes, yes, yes. No one ever says no...

476
00:24:18.999 --> 00:24:20.251
It's a match.

477
00:24:23.295 --> 00:24:26.799
We got a match!

478
00:24:27.174 --> 00:24:28.642
Yeah!

479
00:24:54.868 --> 00:24:57.458
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

480
00:24:58.831 --> 00:24:59.832
Yeah.

481
00:25:01.291 --> 00:25:03.589
Wait, wait, what does their description say?

482
00:25:03.752 --> 00:25:05.799
Uh, Amber and Violet,

483
00:25:05.879 --> 00:25:08.758
two hot girls that will rock your world.

484
00:25:09.633 --> 00:25:11.263
- This is amazing.
- New message.

485
00:25:11.343 --> 00:25:12.640
Oh, my God! They...

486
00:25:12.720 --> 00:25:14.142
Oh, my God. They messaged us.

487
00:25:14.513 --> 00:25:17.062
"You seem like
just the guys we are looking for.

488
00:25:17.433 --> 00:25:20.105
"Can you meet us for dinner tonight?"

489
00:25:20.185 --> 00:25:21.649
New picture message.

490
00:25:21.729 --> 00:25:23.697
Holy shit!

491
00:25:24.648 --> 00:25:26.491
They're hot. Look.

492
00:25:26.984 --> 00:25:28.861
Tell them yes! Tell them yes!

493
00:25:29.862 --> 00:25:34.242
Uh, yes. Where at and what time?

494
00:25:34.992 --> 00:25:36.330
I can't believe this is working.

495
00:25:36.410 --> 00:25:37.707
New message.

496
00:25:37.828 --> 00:25:41.048
"Michael J's Diner in 30 minutes."

497
00:25:41.540 --> 00:25:42.917
I have no idea where that is.

498
00:25:43.250 --> 00:25:47.091
Yeah. See you there.

499
00:25:47.171 --> 00:25:49.390
Wait, now that they think we're rich,

500
00:25:49.506 --> 00:25:51.804
what are we gonna wear?
Rich people don't wear this.

501
00:25:52.217 --> 00:25:55.221
Don't worry, I've got us covered.

502
00:26:13.113 --> 00:26:15.366
Wait. How are we gonna get there?

503
00:26:15.449 --> 00:26:19.295
- Shall I call an Uber?
- No, we'll call a Boober.

504
00:26:25.834 --> 00:26:27.211
Your outfits are pretty cool.

505
00:26:28.670 --> 00:26:32.049
Why didn't you think of Boober
when we were thinking of ideas?

506
00:26:32.883 --> 00:26:35.386
I've never used it before.

507
00:26:35.511 --> 00:26:37.354
I didn't know it was like this.

508
00:26:41.308 --> 00:26:45.984
Hey, would you two fine ladies
want to go to a party tonight?

509
00:26:47.731 --> 00:26:50.571
Sorry, we're not allowed to
go anywhere with customers.

510
00:26:50.651 --> 00:26:52.403
I mean, it's only for a couple of minutes,

511
00:26:52.486 --> 00:26:54.784
and then you can just leave.

512
00:26:56.156 --> 00:26:59.330
They're not interested.
And no filming inside the Boober.

513
00:27:00.452 --> 00:27:02.041
Maybe that's the one that goes viral.

514
00:27:02.121 --> 00:27:03.247
You never know.

515
00:27:03.330 --> 00:27:05.082
That's why you always gotta be filming.

516
00:27:05.165 --> 00:27:08.339
Here are your complimentary
Boober condoms.

517
00:27:09.753 --> 00:27:12.131
Have you guys ever tried
ultra-thin condoms before?

518
00:27:13.090 --> 00:27:14.219
We've never had sex before.

519
00:27:14.299 --> 00:27:17.929
What my friend means is that
we've had plenty of sex.

520
00:27:18.011 --> 00:27:21.226
It's just... We don't like using condoms.

521
00:27:21.306 --> 00:27:24.150
Okay, condoms prevent 99% of STDs.

522
00:27:24.852 --> 00:27:27.981
- Give me one.
- I'll look after these, you'll lose yours.

523
00:27:28.814 --> 00:27:29.940
Good idea.

524
00:27:31.900 --> 00:27:33.902
- Michael J's Diner, right?
- Yeah.

525
00:27:33.986 --> 00:27:38.449
- All right, we're here.
- Thanks for riding with Boober!

526
00:27:39.616 --> 00:27:43.378
Michael J's Diner, where dreams come true.

527
00:27:54.715 --> 00:27:56.308
Are we sure we're in the right place?

528
00:27:56.967 --> 00:27:59.311
Yeah, I'm not sure about anything any more.

529
00:28:17.029 --> 00:28:19.031
Are you Thor and Petrie?

530
00:28:22.993 --> 00:28:23.994
Hello.

531
00:28:25.829 --> 00:28:27.000
Hi, I'm Thor.

532
00:28:27.080 --> 00:28:28.081
Oh...

533
00:28:29.541 --> 00:28:31.919
- And I'm Petrie.
- Oh...

534
00:28:34.171 --> 00:28:35.969
Hi, I'm Amber.

535
00:28:38.884 --> 00:28:42.229
So, Thur and Petrie?

536
00:28:43.931 --> 00:28:45.103
Those names sound kinda fake.

537
00:28:50.938 --> 00:28:51.985
I'm fucking with you.

538
00:28:57.361 --> 00:28:59.533
I want to apologize for my friend Violet,

539
00:28:59.613 --> 00:29:00.785
she's running a bit late.

540
00:29:01.156 --> 00:29:04.035
But, I promise, as soon as she gets here...

541
00:29:04.117 --> 00:29:05.369
...you guys are gonna love her.

542
00:29:05.452 --> 00:29:08.376
She's, like, really hot.

543
00:29:09.248 --> 00:29:11.421
I'm sure she's not as beautiful as you.

544
00:29:12.459 --> 00:29:14.302
Petrie, you are such a sweetheart.

545
00:29:18.131 --> 00:29:19.883
- So, tell me... Oh...
- You're such a...

546
00:29:19.967 --> 00:29:22.265
- You go ahead.
- Oh, no. Please, you go.

547
00:29:23.136 --> 00:29:25.685
You're such a sweetheart, too.

548
00:29:26.098 --> 00:29:27.975
Aw, thank you.

549
00:29:30.477 --> 00:29:32.104
So tell me about yourselves.

550
00:29:33.105 --> 00:29:38.077
Um, well, I'm from the British
royal family, adopted,

551
00:29:38.193 --> 00:29:42.573
and I'm here for
a really important business meeting.

552
00:29:43.031 --> 00:29:44.283
What kind of business?

553
00:29:44.408 --> 00:29:45.375
Oil.

554
00:29:46.702 --> 00:29:49.416
And what do you do at oil?

555
00:29:49.496 --> 00:29:50.622
I'm the president.

556
00:29:51.999 --> 00:29:54.343
I thought only Arabs were into oil.

557
00:30:02.092 --> 00:30:04.640
- I'm fucking with you again.
- Stop that.

558
00:30:06.847 --> 00:30:09.145
Y'all need to relax, okay? Shake it off.

559
00:30:14.146 --> 00:30:16.945
So, what about you, Thor? What do you do?

560
00:30:17.858 --> 00:30:20.202
I own a video games company.

561
00:30:21.194 --> 00:30:23.538
- Make video games.
- Oh, that's hot.

562
00:30:24.489 --> 00:30:28.460
Uh, but it's ironic
because he sucks at video games.

563
00:30:30.120 --> 00:30:31.121
No, I don't.

564
00:30:31.204 --> 00:30:33.548
Dude, I destroy you at every video game.

565
00:30:34.624 --> 00:30:35.967
What are you doing?

566
00:30:40.505 --> 00:30:43.349
Well, I'm gonna go get us some drinks, okay?

567
00:30:43.967 --> 00:30:45.310
Be right back.

568
00:30:57.981 --> 00:30:59.653
So, clearly, Amber is mine.

569
00:30:59.733 --> 00:31:02.031
But you can have her friend
when she shows up.

570
00:31:02.402 --> 00:31:03.949
I'm not sleeping with
any of these girls tonight.

571
00:31:04.029 --> 00:31:05.201
I'm a faithful man.

572
00:31:05.655 --> 00:31:09.250
Fine, I'll fuck both of them. Threesome.

573
00:31:09.659 --> 00:31:11.707
You haven't had sex with a girl in 18 years.

574
00:31:11.828 --> 00:31:13.671
What makes you think tonight
you're gonna fuck two?

575
00:31:13.914 --> 00:31:14.881
Oh...

576
00:31:15.332 --> 00:31:17.505
I think she's on the phone
to her friend right now.

577
00:31:23.382 --> 00:31:24.349
Yeah, it's perfect.

578
00:31:24.466 --> 00:31:26.013
They're a couple of rich losers.

579
00:31:26.093 --> 00:31:27.470
You got the car running?

580
00:31:28.762 --> 00:31:30.856
Great, this shouldn't take long.

581
00:31:50.283 --> 00:31:53.913
Yeah? 20 million? No, I want 30.

582
00:31:54.246 --> 00:31:56.920
I know the freaking Queen, okay?

583
00:31:57.457 --> 00:32:01.212
That sounds great.
Deal. I gotta go. See you in a bit.

584
00:32:02.921 --> 00:32:05.390
Sorry, I had a really
important business call.

585
00:32:05.924 --> 00:32:07.426
It sounded important.

586
00:32:07.884 --> 00:32:09.101
Here you go.

587
00:32:10.262 --> 00:32:11.730
What should we toast to?

588
00:32:12.389 --> 00:32:14.938
Let's toast to you and Violet

589
00:32:15.434 --> 00:32:19.314
going to a party tonight,
with us, after dinner.

590
00:32:20.230 --> 00:32:21.482
Is that an invite?

591
00:32:21.940 --> 00:32:23.533
Y... Yes, it is.

592
00:32:24.025 --> 00:32:25.527
Yes, it is.

593
00:32:26.319 --> 00:32:28.572
What do you think, girl, you wanna go?

594
00:32:28.655 --> 00:32:29.622
Mmm, I don't know. What do you think?

595
00:32:29.739 --> 00:32:30.702
I don't know.

596
00:32:30.782 --> 00:32:32.284
We would love to come.

597
00:32:35.328 --> 00:32:36.329
To a great night.

598
00:32:37.038 --> 00:32:38.251
To a great night.

599
00:32:48.592 --> 00:32:50.469
Come on. Up, up, up, up, up, up.

600
00:32:51.136 --> 00:32:52.137
Mmm-mmm.

601
00:32:54.139 --> 00:32:56.107
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Yeah.

602
00:33:05.358 --> 00:33:06.325
That's really good.

603
00:33:09.154 --> 00:33:10.781
I drank way more than you.

604
00:33:22.042 --> 00:33:23.385
Yo, this is fucked.

605
00:33:24.002 --> 00:33:25.675
Uh-oh!

606
00:33:29.883 --> 00:33:30.884
Night-night.

607
00:33:56.368 --> 00:33:57.494
Why aren't they waking up?

608
00:33:58.328 --> 00:34:00.422
I don't know, Goose. They're your drugs.

609
00:34:00.997 --> 00:34:01.998
You used the right amount?

610
00:34:02.082 --> 00:34:04.050
Yeah, I used exactly how much
you told me to.

611
00:34:04.167 --> 00:34:07.095
'Cause the last time I used this drug,
they weren't passed out for this long.

612
00:34:09.214 --> 00:34:10.181
Okay.

613
00:34:10.757 --> 00:34:11.928
Are you sure they're rich?

614
00:34:12.008 --> 00:34:13.385
Yeah, their profiles said they were.

615
00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:16.058
One of them's
president of an oil company, so...

616
00:34:17.097 --> 00:34:19.350
No, they look like
they're from high school, you know.

617
00:34:19.432 --> 00:34:21.685
This one looks like
he has no hair down below, you know.

618
00:34:23.395 --> 00:34:26.234
This soft white guy with a tight cheek.

619
00:34:26.314 --> 00:34:27.907
Very tight cheek, don't you?

620
00:34:28.525 --> 00:34:29.526
Yeah, you do.

621
00:34:30.026 --> 00:34:32.404
Hey, little boy, how are you?

622
00:34:37.576 --> 00:34:38.663
This black guy right here

623
00:34:38.743 --> 00:34:41.747
wants to play games
with Daddy, huh? For me.

624
00:34:49.254 --> 00:34:50.927
Are they even alive?

625
00:34:51.047 --> 00:34:52.674
Shh...

626
00:35:00.265 --> 00:35:02.267
That seemed to work. Yeah.

627
00:35:15.488 --> 00:35:16.489
Duncan?

628
00:35:20.785 --> 00:35:23.083
Okay. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

629
00:35:23.163 --> 00:35:24.585
Shut the fuck up. Okay?

630
00:35:24.873 --> 00:35:26.375
What do you want from us?

631
00:35:26.458 --> 00:35:28.631
All right. Listen here, little boy, okay?

632
00:35:28.752 --> 00:35:31.714
I'm gonna be asking the questions and you
guys are gonna be giving the answers.

633
00:35:33.256 --> 00:35:35.475
Jung-Hoon! Can you keep it down?

634
00:35:35.842 --> 00:35:37.844
I'm trying to watch Ellen.

635
00:35:37.927 --> 00:35:40.680
Mom, I'm busy, okay? Stop interrupting us.

636
00:35:41.139 --> 00:35:43.813
Okay, sweetheart. I love you.

637
00:35:44.601 --> 00:35:45.602
I love you, too.

638
00:35:48.146 --> 00:35:50.114
Amber tells me that you guys are rich, huh?

639
00:35:50.857 --> 00:35:52.779
No, we're not rich at all.

640
00:35:52.859 --> 00:35:54.281
Oh, you're not rich at all?

641
00:35:54.361 --> 00:35:56.283
Then how come I got this off your neck,

642
00:35:56.363 --> 00:35:58.410
giant talking black homeboy?

643
00:35:58.490 --> 00:36:00.745
Drinking the juice in the hood, yeah?

644
00:36:00.825 --> 00:36:02.289
Fuck, man, that's fake.

645
00:36:02.369 --> 00:36:04.167
Shit, man, we're poor as shit.

646
00:36:04.621 --> 00:36:06.623
Man, we're still in high school.

647
00:36:07.165 --> 00:36:08.962
Liars, you told me

648
00:36:09.042 --> 00:36:10.669
you're president of an oil company

649
00:36:10.794 --> 00:36:12.671
and you said you create video games.

650
00:36:12.754 --> 00:36:14.427
We made that up to impress you.

651
00:36:16.549 --> 00:36:18.426
Amber, you dumb-dumb. You're a dumb-dumb.

652
00:36:18.510 --> 00:36:20.348
Baby, they're lying.

653
00:36:20.428 --> 00:36:22.475
You saw them, they pulled up
in some fancy-ass limo

654
00:36:22.555 --> 00:36:23.807
at the restaurant, right?

655
00:36:24.057 --> 00:36:26.560
You betrayed us, Amber. How could you?

656
00:36:27.185 --> 00:36:29.399
And where the fuck is Violet, huh?

657
00:36:29.479 --> 00:36:31.322
Does she even exist?

658
00:36:33.650 --> 00:36:36.489
This is what happens
when you send a woman to do a man's job.

659
00:36:36.569 --> 00:36:37.991
You know what I'm saying?

660
00:36:39.864 --> 00:36:42.287
A man? Oh, yeah, you think you're a man?

661
00:36:42.784 --> 00:36:44.411
Yeah, a man doesn't send
his girlfriend of three years

662
00:36:44.536 --> 00:36:45.624
to go kidnap some kids

663
00:36:45.704 --> 00:36:47.832
because he is too much of a pussy
to do it himself.

664
00:36:48.915 --> 00:36:50.383
Excuse me for a moment.

665
00:36:51.626 --> 00:36:52.627
I'll be right back.

666
00:36:55.088 --> 00:36:56.260
What are you doing?

667
00:36:56.381 --> 00:36:57.802
Yeah, I don't know. What am I doing?

668
00:36:57.882 --> 00:37:03.013
Okay, I'm wasting my life with some
out-of-shape, wannabe-gangster loser.

669
00:37:03.096 --> 00:37:04.517
The reason why
I'm out of shape is I'm out there,

670
00:37:04.597 --> 00:37:06.019
trying to provide for you, okay?

671
00:37:06.099 --> 00:37:07.476
I don't have time to go
to the gym, all right?

672
00:37:07.559 --> 00:37:08.776
I'm genetically fat.

673
00:37:09.269 --> 00:37:11.237
Fuck you, Goose. You don't provide shit.

674
00:37:11.604 --> 00:37:13.777
You're 37, and you still
live at home with your mom.

675
00:37:14.482 --> 00:37:16.701
Honey, dinner's ready.

676
00:37:17.193 --> 00:37:18.740
I'm not hungry, Mom.

677
00:37:18.820 --> 00:37:21.869
Are you sure? I made kimchi stir-fry.

678
00:37:22.198 --> 00:37:23.700
Your favorite.

679
00:37:23.867 --> 00:37:25.619
Oh, you did?

680
00:37:26.119 --> 00:37:28.963
- Help us.
- Don't say another fucking word.

681
00:37:32.208 --> 00:37:33.755
Mama, what are you doing down here?

682
00:37:33.877 --> 00:37:36.926
Oh, honey, I didn't know
you had friends over.

683
00:37:37.380 --> 00:37:38.381
How rude of me.

684
00:37:38.506 --> 00:37:40.345
Your friends should join us for dinner.

685
00:37:40.425 --> 00:37:41.426
No, thanks, Mom,

686
00:37:41.551 --> 00:37:43.598
because we're rehearsing
with our new boy band

687
00:37:43.678 --> 00:37:46.017
and the black guy is the lead singer.
He is very good.

688
00:37:46.097 --> 00:37:48.561
I'm tired of always eating alone.

689
00:37:48.641 --> 00:37:49.767
What if I die tomorrow?

690
00:37:50.393 --> 00:37:53.191
Then you will feel guilty
for the rest of your life.

691
00:37:53.271 --> 00:37:55.568
If you and your friends
don't join me for dinner,

692
00:37:55.648 --> 00:37:57.366
you're going to have to start paying rent.

693
00:38:00.403 --> 00:38:01.905
You guys hungry?

694
00:38:08.995 --> 00:38:10.167
You scared?

695
00:38:13.833 --> 00:38:17.929
You boys will love my famous kimchi stir-fry.

696
00:38:18.171 --> 00:38:19.923
Thank you, Mrs. Pak.

697
00:38:21.800 --> 00:38:22.972
Sure, dig in.

698
00:38:32.769 --> 00:38:34.646
Mmm. Yum...

699
00:38:40.693 --> 00:38:41.694
Who's Kaylee?

700
00:38:43.530 --> 00:38:44.993
She keeps texting one of you guys.

701
00:38:45.073 --> 00:38:46.369
It's really beginning to piss me off.

702
00:38:46.449 --> 00:38:47.746
You leave her out of this.

703
00:38:47.826 --> 00:38:48.827
Oh...

704
00:38:49.118 --> 00:38:51.837
- How do you boys know Jung-Hoon?
- Yeah.

705
00:38:52.288 --> 00:38:53.835
I mean, Goose.

706
00:38:53.957 --> 00:38:55.379
Goose, Goose.

707
00:38:56.584 --> 00:38:58.086
Mom, I'm creating a new app

708
00:38:58.169 --> 00:39:00.388
and these guys are my new investors.

709
00:39:00.630 --> 00:39:03.349
Oh, I didn't Know you were
working on a new app.

710
00:39:03.716 --> 00:39:04.888
What is this one about?

711
00:39:05.176 --> 00:39:07.554
It shows the nearest street corner
where you can get drugs from.

712
00:39:07.637 --> 00:39:09.100
It's called Dealer.

713
00:39:09.180 --> 00:39:10.477
There's nothing out there like it.

714
00:39:11.724 --> 00:39:14.063
Supposedly, it's gonna
make us millionaires, so...

715
00:39:15.270 --> 00:39:17.484
If you need money, just sell your watch.

716
00:39:17.564 --> 00:39:19.942
It's a piece of junk anyway.

717
00:39:20.024 --> 00:39:23.028
Mom, this watch give me
major street credibility, okay?

718
00:39:23.152 --> 00:39:25.530
I cannot create an app
without street cred, okay, Ma?

719
00:39:25.655 --> 00:39:26.656
You know what?

720
00:39:26.739 --> 00:39:29.663
This Dealer app of yours,
it sounds a bit shady.

721
00:39:30.201 --> 00:39:34.081
How is it legal to assist
in the purchasing of drugs?

722
00:39:34.163 --> 00:39:36.211
There's nothing illegal about it, okay?

723
00:39:36.332 --> 00:39:38.379
Amber did research, okay?
Everything is good.

724
00:39:38.459 --> 00:39:40.340
- I googled.
- She googled.

725
00:39:40.420 --> 00:39:44.135
Well, can't the police just use that
to find drug dealers?

726
00:39:44.215 --> 00:39:46.304
That's not how it work, okay?

727
00:39:46.384 --> 00:39:48.011
Hey, why so many questions?

728
00:39:48.094 --> 00:39:51.518
Well, if I'm going to be
an "investor" in your app,

729
00:39:51.598 --> 00:39:55.774
then, surely, I need to make sure
it's worth my money.

730
00:39:55.935 --> 00:39:58.029
Oh, you getting aggressive, I like it.

731
00:39:59.397 --> 00:40:00.774
Shut up, Duncan.

732
00:40:01.316 --> 00:40:04.823
I like this white boy.
He's soft like Macaulay Culkin, Home Alone.

733
00:40:04.903 --> 00:40:05.904
Do the... Oh!

734
00:40:07.614 --> 00:40:08.660
Hey...

735
00:40:08.740 --> 00:40:09.912
I'm not gay,

736
00:40:10.700 --> 00:40:11.667
but I'd do you.

737
00:40:11.910 --> 00:40:12.872
You always say that.

738
00:40:12.952 --> 00:40:15.667
You tell a guy you'd fuck him,
but that you're not gay.

739
00:40:15.747 --> 00:40:17.502
I know. I'm not gay, it's experimental.

740
00:40:19.417 --> 00:40:21.670
Oh, hey, look, Kaylee calling.

741
00:40:21.753 --> 00:40:24.381
Hey, Britain, you don't think
I can do a British accent?

742
00:40:24.839 --> 00:40:26.136
- I show you.
- Oh, great.

743
00:40:26.257 --> 00:40:27.759
I practice, ha. Wait.

744
00:40:28.635 --> 00:40:30.181
Hello. Oh.

745
00:40:30.261 --> 00:40:32.016
Jack, I texted you the address.

746
00:40:32.096 --> 00:40:33.769
1212 Rose Avenue.

747
00:40:34.098 --> 00:40:36.521
Let me check. Yeah, I got it.

748
00:40:36.976 --> 00:40:38.273
Kaylee.

749
00:40:38.811 --> 00:40:39.899
Okay. Cool.

750
00:40:39.979 --> 00:40:41.777
I can't wait for you to see
what I'm wearing tonight.

751
00:40:41.898 --> 00:40:42.861
I think you'll like it.

752
00:40:42.941 --> 00:40:45.280
Oh, that sounds bloody great. Cheers.

753
00:40:45.360 --> 00:40:46.406
And one last thing.

754
00:40:46.486 --> 00:40:48.113
Kaylee, go fuck yourself, you bitch.

755
00:40:48.446 --> 00:40:50.448
- What?
- How could you say that?

756
00:40:50.657 --> 00:40:51.658
Oh, you gonna cry?

757
00:40:51.908 --> 00:40:53.251
Huh?

758
00:40:53.910 --> 00:40:56.413
Hey, Mom, I have
to cut dinner a little short.

759
00:40:56.496 --> 00:40:57.873
I have some business to take care of.

760
00:40:57.956 --> 00:40:58.957
Okay.

761
00:40:59.290 --> 00:41:03.045
Hey, black guy, fudgy face.

762
00:41:03.127 --> 00:41:04.424
Stand up, you coming with me.

763
00:41:06.673 --> 00:41:07.720
Stand up!

764
00:41:09.008 --> 00:41:10.930
- He means you.
- Get up.

765
00:41:11.010 --> 00:41:12.432
Don't cry, Twilight vampire.

766
00:41:12.512 --> 00:41:14.851
Remember Twilight?
The vampire. White guy like that.

767
00:41:16.516 --> 00:41:18.018
Get in there.

768
00:41:18.851 --> 00:41:19.943
Little bitch.

769
00:41:28.069 --> 00:41:29.616
Listen up, jackass, okay?

770
00:41:29.696 --> 00:41:31.659
You gonna put in
your PIN number at the ATM.

771
00:41:31.739 --> 00:41:32.744
I'm gonna pull out the money,

772
00:41:32.824 --> 00:41:34.701
and then you're gonna act like
there's nothing wrong.

773
00:41:35.660 --> 00:41:36.661
Good plan, right?

774
00:41:37.996 --> 00:41:39.669
Do not fuck this up.

775
00:41:43.501 --> 00:41:46.425
Dude, you're gonna love
this Pineapple Kush, man.

776
00:41:46.879 --> 00:41:48.676
Is it gonna give me the best high?

777
00:41:48.756 --> 00:41:51.804
Last time I smoked this,
I watched conspiracy videos online

778
00:41:51.884 --> 00:41:53.806
for, like, six hours straight.

779
00:41:53.886 --> 00:41:54.887
Awesome.

780
00:41:55.471 --> 00:41:57.769
Here. Thanks for shopping
at Weed-N-Munchies, dude.

781
00:41:58.057 --> 00:41:59.058
See ya.

782
00:42:00.977 --> 00:42:03.981
- Hey, welcome to Weed-N-Munchies.
- Okay, whatever.

783
00:42:13.072 --> 00:42:14.540
Welcome to Weed-N-Munchies.

784
00:42:14.657 --> 00:42:15.954
Fuck.

785
00:42:17.368 --> 00:42:20.417
Hurry up, man. Let's go, let's go, let's go.

786
00:42:27.086 --> 00:42:28.258
Hurry up. Do it.

787
00:42:39.057 --> 00:42:40.400
Come on, guys, let's move it along.

788
00:42:43.853 --> 00:42:45.900
- Oh, shit.
- What's goin' on?

789
00:42:45.980 --> 00:42:48.653
Let's go, buddy.
Who doesn't know their fucking PIN?

790
00:42:48.733 --> 00:42:51.077
I'm sorry. I'm under
a bit of pressure at the moment.

791
00:42:51.235 --> 00:42:53.863
Would you guys quit butt-fucking around?

792
00:42:53.988 --> 00:42:56.953
I have a Blindr date. She's 420-friendly.

793
00:42:57.033 --> 00:42:59.536
Oh, somebody wants to fuck or something.

794
00:42:59.869 --> 00:43:01.246
Shut up.

795
00:43:11.964 --> 00:43:13.762
- Are you crying?
- No.

796
00:43:14.092 --> 00:43:15.594
You sound like a pussy teenager.

797
00:43:16.094 --> 00:43:17.141
I am a teenager.

798
00:43:18.429 --> 00:43:20.978
Look, we're not gonna hurt you, okay?

799
00:43:21.265 --> 00:43:22.437
As soon as Goose gets the money,

800
00:43:22.517 --> 00:43:25.066
we're gonna let you guys go, so suck it up.

801
00:43:26.896 --> 00:43:29.485
I should never have told Duncan
to lie about us being rich.

802
00:43:29.565 --> 00:43:31.237
Are you guys seriously not rich?

803
00:43:31.317 --> 00:43:34.532
No, I'm just an
unemployed high school student

804
00:43:34.612 --> 00:43:36.034
who's scared to talk to girls.

805
00:43:37.782 --> 00:43:41.161
And now I'm never gonna see Kaylee again.

806
00:43:43.412 --> 00:43:45.506
She thinks I called her a fucking bitch.

807
00:43:51.796 --> 00:43:53.924
Hey, Heather. I'm sorry I'm late.

808
00:43:54.006 --> 00:43:55.804
I'm behind these two fucktards at the ATM.

809
00:43:55.925 --> 00:43:58.269
- What the fuck?
- Who can't get their shit together.

810
00:43:58.636 --> 00:43:59.933
Motherfucker.

811
00:44:04.142 --> 00:44:06.939
- And it's done.
- Yes. Okay.

812
00:44:07.019 --> 00:44:09.488
I think these morons finally got it right.

813
00:44:09.605 --> 00:44:10.857
I gotta go. I'll see you soon.

814
00:44:16.612 --> 00:44:19.744
Hey, Bigfoot, I think your ATM is broken.

815
00:44:19.824 --> 00:44:21.667
It says it has a $500 limit.

816
00:44:21.826 --> 00:44:24.454
Dude, $500 is all
you can take out of that thing.

817
00:44:24.537 --> 00:44:25.789
We live in America, right?

818
00:44:26.164 --> 00:44:28.212
Have you ever used
an ATM before, dumb-ass?

819
00:44:30.126 --> 00:44:32.754
You have a problemo, amigo, huh, with me?

820
00:44:33.462 --> 00:44:35.259
Oh, you wanna go, Jackie Chan?

821
00:44:35.339 --> 00:44:38.262
Hey, there's an old saying,
"You wake up the sleeping dragon,

822
00:44:38.342 --> 00:44:40.060
"he might have sex with your face."

823
00:44:40.178 --> 00:44:42.100
Oh, calm down, guys, calm down.

824
00:44:42.180 --> 00:44:44.102
Dude, I just rolled this fat, sick joint.

825
00:44:44.182 --> 00:44:47.061
Let's smoke it, chill out,
have fun, be friends.

826
00:44:50.438 --> 00:44:51.439
Fuck!

827
00:45:14.921 --> 00:45:17.760
That's what happens
when you fuck with me, Goose.

828
00:45:27.225 --> 00:45:29.728
She's the most beautiful girl
in the whole world.

829
00:45:30.770 --> 00:45:33.865
Every time I see her, I get butterflies.

830
00:45:34.190 --> 00:45:35.908
Aw...

831
00:45:36.025 --> 00:45:37.743
That is so sweet.

832
00:45:38.694 --> 00:45:41.618
I remember when Goose used to
say stuff like that about me.

833
00:45:41.739 --> 00:45:43.992
But now all he thinks about is himself.

834
00:45:44.075 --> 00:45:47.124
Why are you still with him? He's so mean.

835
00:45:47.370 --> 00:45:48.872
I know, right?

836
00:45:49.747 --> 00:45:51.669
I don't know, he didn't used to
always be like this,

837
00:45:51.749 --> 00:45:53.592
like, he used to be more charming.

838
00:45:54.043 --> 00:45:57.008
He would bring me flowers
when I was at work.

839
00:45:57.088 --> 00:45:58.806
He would fuck me real hard and good.

840
00:45:59.423 --> 00:46:01.596
We would have dinner in public,
you know what I mean?

841
00:46:01.676 --> 00:46:02.928
Like, normal stuff.

842
00:46:03.135 --> 00:46:05.057
I still don't think you should be with Goose.

843
00:46:05.137 --> 00:46:06.480
You can do a lot better.

844
00:46:08.474 --> 00:46:09.817
Thank you.

845
00:46:10.601 --> 00:46:11.602
You know what?

846
00:46:11.727 --> 00:46:14.731
When Goose gets back,
I'm gonna get your phone

847
00:46:14.814 --> 00:46:16.782
and I'm gonna call Kaylee,
and I'm gonna tell her

848
00:46:16.899 --> 00:46:18.617
you did not called her a fucking bitch.

849
00:46:18.818 --> 00:46:20.491
- You would do that?
- Yes.

850
00:46:20.945 --> 00:46:22.788
You guys are sweet boys, aren't you?

851
00:46:24.198 --> 00:46:26.579
- Fuck you.
- Why would you do that?

852
00:46:26.659 --> 00:46:28.457
What the hell? I just rescued you, bitch.

853
00:46:28.577 --> 00:46:30.625
You idiot! She was gonna call Kaylee for me.

854
00:46:30.746 --> 00:46:33.211
Well, I've stolen Goose's car,
so we need to leave now.

855
00:46:33.291 --> 00:46:35.339
What the fuck? What the fuck?
Where's Goose?

856
00:46:35.459 --> 00:46:37.381
Goose got in a fight with a crazy guy

857
00:46:37.461 --> 00:46:39.383
and got knocked the fuck out.

858
00:46:41.340 --> 00:46:42.592
He's gonna fucking kill us.

859
00:46:42.675 --> 00:46:44.222
Oh, my God. Not if he can't catch us.

860
00:46:44.302 --> 00:46:48.023
That's why we need to move
and get in the car now.

861
00:46:48.139 --> 00:46:49.265
Yo, what's up, people?

862
00:46:49.348 --> 00:46:51.646
Check out my new pimp ride.

863
00:46:51.767 --> 00:46:55.442
And in shotgun, we got Jack, the pussy.

864
00:46:56.355 --> 00:46:57.481
What are you doing?

865
00:46:57.606 --> 00:46:58.698
Dude, relax.

866
00:46:58.816 --> 00:47:01.365
Watch where you're going,
and I don't wanna be in your stupid vlog.

867
00:47:01.485 --> 00:47:03.074
Dude, I saved us both.

868
00:47:03.154 --> 00:47:04.622
The least you can say is, "Thank you."

869
00:47:04.947 --> 00:47:06.540
You stole a drug dealer's car.

870
00:47:06.657 --> 00:47:09.536
That's not all I stole. Pah!

871
00:47:09.744 --> 00:47:10.791
Why did you take that?

872
00:47:11.078 --> 00:47:13.957
Wait, let me think. Because, uh...

873
00:47:14.040 --> 00:47:16.042
Fuck him.

874
00:47:16.459 --> 00:47:17.802
Great reasoning.

875
00:47:18.586 --> 00:47:20.054
Did you at least get our phones?

876
00:47:20.713 --> 00:47:22.511
Oh, shit.

877
00:47:22.631 --> 00:47:23.632
Let me get this straight.

878
00:47:23.716 --> 00:47:27.765
You made a conscious effort
to steal a drug dealers car and watch,

879
00:47:27.845 --> 00:47:29.809
but you didn't think to get our phones?

880
00:47:29.889 --> 00:47:32.062
Oh, Jack, come on, I had a lot on my mind.

881
00:47:32.350 --> 00:47:34.603
Fuck! We have no phones, no girls,

882
00:47:34.685 --> 00:47:36.403
and no way of getting to this party.

883
00:47:40.274 --> 00:47:42.652
- I don't feel so well.
- Wait, what do you mean?

884
00:47:42.860 --> 00:47:44.237
Pull over. I'm gonna hurl.

885
00:47:44.945 --> 00:47:46.788
Oh, fucking hell, Jack.

886
00:47:54.246 --> 00:47:57.250
Yo, don't be too long,
you know this car is stolen.

887
00:48:04.507 --> 00:48:06.555
Yo, space 'em out, Toph.

888
00:48:06.675 --> 00:48:07.847
It's gotta look fresh, bro.

889
00:48:08.177 --> 00:48:09.770
Bro, it's gonna look fresh.

890
00:48:10.096 --> 00:48:11.313
All right. Yo, look at me.

891
00:48:12.223 --> 00:48:13.686
No time for mistakes, okay?

892
00:48:13.766 --> 00:48:15.689
Fourth quarter. Game's on the line.

893
00:48:16.769 --> 00:48:18.942
All right? Peeps gonna be
showing up any minute now.

894
00:48:19.605 --> 00:48:21.152
You think Kaylee's
gonna take you back tonight?

895
00:48:21.941 --> 00:48:24.280
Toph, what kinda question is that, man?

896
00:48:24.360 --> 00:48:26.198
Look at me, of course she is.

897
00:48:26.278 --> 00:48:28.576
Plus, I only cheated on her,
like, what, three or four times?

898
00:48:28.697 --> 00:48:31.287
And one of them was an HJ,
so barely counts.

899
00:48:31.367 --> 00:48:33.540
Dude, I remember that.
Didn't she almost rip your dick off?

900
00:48:33.994 --> 00:48:35.291
Yeah. Yeah, she did.

901
00:48:36.414 --> 00:48:37.376
Jackhammer Jillian.

902
00:48:37.456 --> 00:48:39.378
She was like... I was like...

903
00:48:39.458 --> 00:48:40.755
Bitch was crazy.

904
00:48:40.960 --> 00:48:42.257
I remember the pictures you sent me.

905
00:48:42.378 --> 00:48:43.971
You got a big-ass dick. I'm kinda jealous.

906
00:48:44.255 --> 00:48:45.882
Yeah, I do. I got a huge dick, Toph.

907
00:48:45.965 --> 00:48:47.842
- You should be jealous.
- I'm actually really jealous.

908
00:48:47.925 --> 00:48:49.973
Yeah. Well.

909
00:48:51.137 --> 00:48:53.481
Thank God my dick's all healed up now.

910
00:49:00.521 --> 00:49:03.400
- Take me to 307 Butler.
- Who the fuck are you?

911
00:49:03.941 --> 00:49:05.943
Aren't you my Uber driver?

912
00:49:06.068 --> 00:49:08.366
No, I am not your Uber driver.

913
00:49:08.446 --> 00:49:11.040
Well, shit, can't you just take me?

914
00:49:11.490 --> 00:49:14.664
I've been waiting here 20 minutes
on my damn ride.

915
00:49:14.994 --> 00:49:16.621
You know what? I think I'm good.

916
00:49:16.704 --> 00:49:18.581
I've already got one guy trying to kill me.

917
00:49:18.831 --> 00:49:21.300
Come on, man. I'll give you 5 bucks.

918
00:49:21.750 --> 00:49:22.751
Fuck no.

919
00:49:23.335 --> 00:49:24.336
20?

920
00:49:27.339 --> 00:49:28.636
Oh, God.

921
00:49:35.139 --> 00:49:36.391
Who is this creepy guy?

922
00:49:36.474 --> 00:49:37.851
I'm not creepy,

923
00:49:37.975 --> 00:49:41.650
but I am fixing to go to
this killer party right now.

924
00:49:47.485 --> 00:49:49.198
Will there be girls at this party?

925
00:49:49.278 --> 00:49:50.616
Oh, yeah.

926
00:49:50.696 --> 00:49:53.245
There'll be tons of vagina there.

927
00:49:55.659 --> 00:49:58.663
Every bone in my body is telling me
that this is a bad idea.

928
00:49:59.038 --> 00:50:00.005
Jack.

929
00:50:02.208 --> 00:50:03.676
I know this guy might look like a...

930
00:50:08.172 --> 00:50:11.802
Creepy pedophile, but he may be our ticket

931
00:50:11.884 --> 00:50:13.056
to Tucker's party.

932
00:50:14.845 --> 00:50:18.600
Come on, man. Let's go.
We're missing all the fun.

933
00:50:19.683 --> 00:50:20.684
Trust me.

934
00:50:25.523 --> 00:50:26.777
If it's weird, we're leaving.

935
00:50:26.857 --> 00:50:28.859
Dude, come on, it's not gonna be weird.

936
00:50:32.238 --> 00:50:33.865
Okay, it's weird.

937
00:50:34.281 --> 00:50:35.282
Password?

938
00:50:35.908 --> 00:50:37.125
Nipple fuck.

939
00:50:41.664 --> 00:50:43.541
Welcome to the Pleasure Palace.

940
00:50:43.832 --> 00:50:45.004
Please, come in.

941
00:50:45.084 --> 00:50:47.086
Ooh, the Pleasure Palace.

942
00:50:49.255 --> 00:50:51.383
You guys don't have too much fun tonight.

943
00:50:55.261 --> 00:50:56.638
The King will see you now.

944
00:51:07.565 --> 00:51:09.909
Yeah, this might've been a bad idea.

945
00:51:11.443 --> 00:51:13.070
I'd rather be with Goose.

946
00:51:24.039 --> 00:51:25.882
Do y'all know who I am?

947
00:51:27.126 --> 00:51:28.127
Uh...

948
00:51:31.797 --> 00:51:34.095
My name is King Pleasure.

949
00:51:34.216 --> 00:51:36.435
And y'all two boys are right on time,

950
00:51:37.094 --> 00:51:40.940
'cause the festivities have just begun.

951
00:51:51.650 --> 00:51:52.651
Silence!

952
00:51:53.777 --> 00:51:55.120
You're scaring Lazarus.

953
00:51:59.783 --> 00:52:01.160
Now y'all two boys be still,

954
00:52:01.493 --> 00:52:03.211
and let Lazarus here inspect you.

955
00:52:22.848 --> 00:52:25.317
So, tell me, how do you like this song?

956
00:52:26.644 --> 00:52:28.317
This song is appropriate for the moment.

957
00:52:30.064 --> 00:52:33.112
Well, just as I suspected.

958
00:52:33.192 --> 00:52:36.366
Lazarus has found you both to be virgins.

959
00:52:36.820 --> 00:52:38.197
No.

960
00:52:40.449 --> 00:52:43.328
The girls waiting for you love virgins.

961
00:52:45.537 --> 00:52:46.538
Well,

962
00:52:47.539 --> 00:52:49.507
you boys ready to get laid?

963
00:52:54.380 --> 00:52:58.851
My father built this place
back in the year 1989.

964
00:52:59.885 --> 00:53:04.140
That was just before
he suffered a terrible accident.

965
00:53:04.973 --> 00:53:08.273
He was the first man ever
to be eaten alive by an otter.

966
00:53:09.019 --> 00:53:10.396
Not a pretty sight.

967
00:53:12.648 --> 00:53:16.278
You boys turned out sexier
than I could've ever hoped.

968
00:53:17.528 --> 00:53:21.783
Your safe word is "Jumanji."

969
00:53:30.541 --> 00:53:32.838
Now, of course, as the oldest boy,

970
00:53:32.918 --> 00:53:36.388
it was my responsibility
to avenge my father's death.

971
00:53:36.505 --> 00:53:38.257
So I tracked that otter for two months

972
00:53:38.340 --> 00:53:39.842
through the swamps of Louisiana.

973
00:53:39.925 --> 00:53:42.014
And when I found him, well, let's just say

974
00:53:42.094 --> 00:53:45.223
we both knew only one of us
was leaving those swamps alive.

975
00:53:47.057 --> 00:53:51.938
Your safe word is "Yes."

976
00:53:53.856 --> 00:53:54.857
Enjoy.

977
00:53:57.317 --> 00:53:58.364
Hey, sweet thing.

978
00:53:59.737 --> 00:54:02.240
Won't you come over here
and let Mama give you a massage?

979
00:54:03.073 --> 00:54:05.075
I guess a massage sounds nice.

980
00:54:06.827 --> 00:54:09.250
Yes, so I've been coming here
for about three years,

981
00:54:09.371 --> 00:54:10.501
it's really good for business.

982
00:54:10.581 --> 00:54:12.503
There's just something
about screwing strangers

983
00:54:12.583 --> 00:54:15.427
that just really turns me on,
you know what I mean?

984
00:54:20.299 --> 00:54:22.768
Usually, I have a room that has a peep hole
so that everybody can watch,

985
00:54:22.885 --> 00:54:24.014
'cause people wanna watch,
you know what I mean?

986
00:54:24.094 --> 00:54:25.596
And, one time, I was here with four old men,

987
00:54:25.679 --> 00:54:28.558
and when I say old, I mean really old,
like, ages 75 to 80.

988
00:54:28.640 --> 00:54:30.233
And I was afraid that
they wouldn't be able to get it up,

989
00:54:30.350 --> 00:54:31.397
but I totally got them up.

990
00:54:32.728 --> 00:54:33.695
So.

991
00:54:35.773 --> 00:54:38.492
- Do you wanna fuck me?
- Yes.

992
00:54:39.193 --> 00:54:40.194
Cool.

993
00:54:41.153 --> 00:54:44.123
Oh, you are such a baby. How old are you?

994
00:54:45.157 --> 00:54:46.204
Eighteen.

995
00:54:46.742 --> 00:54:48.585
Mmm. Old enough.

996
00:54:55.459 --> 00:54:57.257
You like Mama's massage?

997
00:54:57.836 --> 00:54:59.179
That feels good.

998
00:55:08.013 --> 00:55:09.139
You're very strong.

999
00:55:09.473 --> 00:55:11.895
Do you want a happy ending?

1000
00:55:11.975 --> 00:55:13.689
Do you want me to stop?

1001
00:55:13.769 --> 00:55:16.818
Yes, yes, yes, yes!

1002
00:55:17.606 --> 00:55:19.984
Sounds like your friend is having fun.

1003
00:55:20.067 --> 00:55:21.238
I love you.

1004
00:55:26.323 --> 00:55:28.496
I was yelling the safe word.
Why didn't you stop?

1005
00:55:28.909 --> 00:55:30.081
Jack?

1006
00:55:33.205 --> 00:55:35.549
What the fuck? Frog Boy?

1007
00:55:35.874 --> 00:55:37.376
Frog Boy.

1008
00:55:42.506 --> 00:55:43.598
Are you ready?

1009
00:55:44.508 --> 00:55:45.475
Yes.

1010
00:55:47.636 --> 00:55:51.140
This is how we Brits do it in America.

1011
00:55:54.893 --> 00:55:56.190
Duncan, we gotta go!

1012
00:55:56.270 --> 00:55:57.816
Jack, not now!

1013
00:55:57.896 --> 00:55:59.860
I just got a massage from Principal Raheem!

1014
00:55:59.940 --> 00:56:01.317
We have to leave now!

1015
00:56:01.400 --> 00:56:03.869
I'm gonna let you two figure this out.

1016
00:56:03.986 --> 00:56:05.033
How could you, Jack?

1017
00:56:05.404 --> 00:56:07.201
I was finally about to gel laid,

1018
00:56:07.281 --> 00:56:10.376
and you ruin it by being
a fuckin' huge cockblock!

1019
00:56:10.576 --> 00:56:12.249
I can't take you seriously with that boner.

1020
00:56:13.161 --> 00:56:15.414
If your friend wants to join,
I love threesomes.

1021
00:56:15.706 --> 00:56:17.128
We are not having a threesome.

1022
00:56:17.624 --> 00:56:20.002
Literally, all you had to do
was wait two minutes,

1023
00:56:20.085 --> 00:56:21.924
and I would've had
the greatest night of my life.

1024
00:56:22.004 --> 00:56:23.551
The greatest night of my life, bro.

1025
00:56:23.672 --> 00:56:26.512
Really? The greatest night of your life?
Are you on drugs?

1026
00:56:32.598 --> 00:56:34.225
Get it off! Get it off!

1027
00:56:34.600 --> 00:56:38.230
Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!

1028
00:56:43.734 --> 00:56:45.447
What is that? Is that lube?

1029
00:56:45.527 --> 00:56:47.029
She's not responding!

1030
00:56:47.321 --> 00:56:50.575
Fuck! Oh, God, Leslie, don't die on me!

1031
00:56:50.741 --> 00:56:52.368
You're too young and beautiful!

1032
00:56:52.451 --> 00:56:55.079
Police. Open up.
Stop your fucking immediately.

1033
00:56:59.666 --> 00:57:01.714
Up against the wall. Spread it. Give me that!

1034
00:57:02.002 --> 00:57:03.595
Oh, we need to get the fuck out of here.

1035
00:57:05.797 --> 00:57:07.970
Shit! The car's blocked in!

1036
00:57:08.425 --> 00:57:10.264
They're gonna think we killed her.

1037
00:57:10.344 --> 00:57:12.142
We're gonna go to jail.

1038
00:57:12.346 --> 00:57:16.726
I'm gonna lose my virginity
to a bunch of big, black, hairy dudes,

1039
00:57:16.808 --> 00:57:18.560
and they're gonna fuck me in the ass, bro.

1040
00:57:18.644 --> 00:57:21.859
They're gonna bend me over
and fuck my tight little ass,

1041
00:57:21.939 --> 00:57:23.861
and there's nothing I can do about it!

1042
00:57:23.941 --> 00:57:24.942
I'm just gonna...

1043
00:57:25.067 --> 00:57:26.068
What the fuck are you doing?

1044
00:57:26.193 --> 00:57:29.157
- I'm getting out of here!
- You can't just fucking take her car!

1045
00:57:29.237 --> 00:57:30.659
You can't just leave her here!

1046
00:57:30.781 --> 00:57:32.158
Are you coming or not?

1047
00:57:32.866 --> 00:57:34.163
Ugh, fine!

1048
00:57:36.495 --> 00:57:37.712
Which one is it?

1049
00:57:39.498 --> 00:57:40.966
Oh, for fuck's sake.

1050
00:57:44.836 --> 00:57:47.180
Would you stop pulling so hard on my ribs?

1051
00:57:47.297 --> 00:57:48.549
What the hell am I supposed to do?

1052
00:57:48.632 --> 00:57:51.010
You're literally taking up all the space.

1053
00:57:51.134 --> 00:57:52.431
Why don't you just get off

1054
00:57:52.511 --> 00:57:54.479
and let me go to this party by myself?

1055
00:57:55.681 --> 00:57:57.394
Ever since Kaylee pretended to like you,

1056
00:57:57.474 --> 00:57:59.317
you've just become such an asshole.

1057
00:57:59.851 --> 00:58:01.819
Get off.

1058
00:58:02.479 --> 00:58:04.481
- I'm not getting off.
- Get off!

1059
00:58:04.606 --> 00:58:06.779
- No!
- Fine, then I'll get off.

1060
00:58:07.985 --> 00:58:09.362
Oh, just walk away, you pussy.

1061
00:58:10.028 --> 00:58:11.950
You know what?
Today would've been a pretty good day

1062
00:58:12.030 --> 00:58:14.077
if you didn't take me
on that stupid blind date with you.

1063
00:58:14.157 --> 00:58:16.785
You wanted to go on that blind date
just as much as me,

1064
00:58:17.327 --> 00:58:20.080
so you could see your precious Kaylee.

1065
00:58:20.163 --> 00:58:21.752
Things with Kaylee would've been just fine

1066
00:58:21.832 --> 00:58:23.209
if you would've taken
our phones back from Goose,

1067
00:58:23.500 --> 00:58:25.127
or not have knocked out Amber.

1068
00:58:25.210 --> 00:58:28.300
And on top of that, you took us
to that stupid fucking sex party

1069
00:58:28.380 --> 00:58:30.508
where I was molested by Principal Raheem.

1070
00:58:30.632 --> 00:58:32.634
You know I could've easily
gone to the party by myself?

1071
00:58:32.718 --> 00:58:34.890
But, hey, I was trying to be a good friend

1072
00:58:34.970 --> 00:58:37.189
by talking to Tucker
so you could come with me.

1073
00:58:37.556 --> 00:58:38.682
A good friend?

1074
00:58:38.807 --> 00:58:41.021
- You think you're a good friend?
- Yeah.

1075
00:58:41.101 --> 00:58:43.273
You're the most selfish person I've ever met!

1076
00:58:43.353 --> 00:58:44.942
Selfish.

1077
00:58:45.022 --> 00:58:47.024
You're calling me selfish?

1078
00:58:47.107 --> 00:58:50.030
All you've wanted to do the whole day
is meet up with some girl

1079
00:58:50.110 --> 00:58:52.783
that barely even knows your fucking name.

1080
00:58:52.863 --> 00:58:55.742
- Fuck you, Jack.
- Fuck you, Duncan.

1081
00:58:55.824 --> 00:58:57.201
I'm finding away in.

1082
00:58:57.492 --> 00:59:00.371
I'm glad this is gonna be the last night
we're gonna be together.

1083
00:59:01.038 --> 00:59:02.210
So am I.

1084
00:59:03.623 --> 00:59:04.920
Have fun banging the BLOB.

1085
00:59:05.000 --> 00:59:06.468
I'm sure you'll need a condom.

1086
00:59:35.614 --> 00:59:36.706
The fuck happened to you?

1087
00:59:38.533 --> 00:59:40.080
- Me?
- Yeah.

1088
00:59:40.911 --> 00:59:43.585
I was attacked and my car was stolen.

1089
00:59:44.581 --> 00:59:45.877
What happened to the little guy?

1090
00:59:45.957 --> 00:59:48.460
The one you let get away knocked me out.

1091
00:59:48.960 --> 00:59:50.382
I woke up, I don't know
where the fuck they are.

1092
00:59:51.296 --> 00:59:52.968
Holy fuck!

1093
00:59:53.048 --> 00:59:55.050
Okay, how about
don't get robbed by a teenager?

1094
00:59:55.133 --> 00:59:56.134
Okay? How about that?

1095
00:59:56.635 --> 00:59:58.933
And that little fucker, he stole my watch.

1096
00:59:59.054 --> 01:00:01.182
I'm gonna kill him. They're both gonna die.

1097
01:00:01.264 --> 01:00:03.892
I am gonna pull my gun on black guy.

1098
01:00:04.101 --> 01:00:06.445
Twilight... Dead.

1099
01:00:06.728 --> 01:00:08.900
Who cares about
your stupid fucking watch, okay?

1100
01:00:08.980 --> 01:00:10.357
What about your girlfriend, huh?

1101
01:00:11.066 --> 01:00:13.488
You know what, Goose? I'm done.

1102
01:00:13.568 --> 01:00:14.569
I'm done.

1103
01:00:14.820 --> 01:00:16.572
Oh, no, no, no, baby, don't leave me.

1104
01:00:16.655 --> 01:00:18.657
You know it's hard to find a white girl
that likes an Asian guy.

1105
01:00:18.740 --> 01:00:20.583
Come on. I love you so much, baby.

1106
01:00:21.076 --> 01:00:22.578
You're the love of my life. I love you.

1107
01:00:22.786 --> 01:00:23.787
For real?

1108
01:00:23.912 --> 01:00:26.165
Yeah, you know, sometimes
I know I'm not a good boyfriend,

1109
01:00:26.248 --> 01:00:30.048
but I do everything I can
to provide for my lady, you know.

1110
01:00:30.460 --> 01:00:32.303
You're my pookie bear.

1111
01:00:32.420 --> 01:00:33.967
Who my pookie bear?

1112
01:00:34.089 --> 01:00:36.762
I your pookie bear. Me.

1113
01:00:36.842 --> 01:00:38.014
You my pookie bear.

1114
01:00:41.179 --> 01:00:44.023
Okay, well, then kiss me if you mean it.

1115
01:00:44.349 --> 01:00:46.602
Oh, yeah? You want me to kiss you, baby?

1116
01:00:46.685 --> 01:00:47.937
Oh, my God, you will?

1117
01:00:50.605 --> 01:00:51.652
The party.

1118
01:00:51.940 --> 01:00:53.737
- Oh...
- Are you fucking serious?

1119
01:00:53.817 --> 01:00:55.239
The party. The party. The party.

1120
01:00:57.028 --> 01:00:58.700
Mom, change of plans.

1121
01:00:58.780 --> 01:01:01.329
You gonna drop us off at 1212 Rose Avenue.

1122
01:01:01.449 --> 01:01:05.750
Oh, us? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, honey.

1123
01:01:06.121 --> 01:01:08.169
You know what, Goose?

1124
01:01:08.290 --> 01:01:10.793
You and I are over.

1125
01:01:12.294 --> 01:01:14.467
Stick your two-inch dick in someone else.

1126
01:01:14.588 --> 01:01:15.931
Don't leave me, pookie bear.

1127
01:01:16.882 --> 01:01:19.055
It's not two inches, it's three. Hard.

1128
01:01:19.676 --> 01:01:20.677
Damn it!

1129
01:01:44.701 --> 01:01:45.827
What the fuck you want, bro?

1130
01:01:46.203 --> 01:01:48.331
I'm here for Tucker's party.

1131
01:01:48.663 --> 01:01:51.712
- Are you on the list?
- Yeah.

1132
01:01:54.961 --> 01:01:56.008
What's your first name?

1133
01:01:56.630 --> 01:01:57.927
Uh, Duncan.

1134
01:01:59.382 --> 01:02:01.847
Oh, yeah, Duncan.
Yeah, you're not on the fuckin' list.

1135
01:02:01.927 --> 01:02:03.390
What up, biatch?

1136
01:02:03.470 --> 01:02:04.471
Where are the girls?

1137
01:02:05.597 --> 01:02:07.099
And where the fuck are your clothes?

1138
01:02:07.349 --> 01:02:09.688
Tucker, I tried so hard.

1139
01:02:09.768 --> 01:02:11.520
First of all, we met up
with this really hot girl,

1140
01:02:11.603 --> 01:02:13.776
and she was supposed to bring
her really hot friend,

1141
01:02:13.897 --> 01:02:15.986
but then we got kidnapped by her boyfriend.

1142
01:02:16.066 --> 01:02:18.280
But luckily, we managed to escape.

1143
01:02:18.360 --> 01:02:20.824
Then we went to this crazy place
called the Pleasure Palace.

1144
01:02:20.904 --> 01:02:22.701
There was a king, and there was a midget,

1145
01:02:22.781 --> 01:02:24.579
and then I found this other hot girl,

1146
01:02:24.699 --> 01:02:25.871
and I was gonna bring her to the party,

1147
01:02:25.951 --> 01:02:27.578
but then she OD'd on coke.

1148
01:02:27.661 --> 01:02:29.004
Coke, man. Coke.

1149
01:02:29.412 --> 01:02:32.757
So I had to Segway
from there all the way to here.

1150
01:02:33.583 --> 01:02:35.085
Pretty much what I am trying to say is that

1151
01:02:35.210 --> 01:02:37.174
I tried so, so hard to get here,

1152
01:02:37.254 --> 01:02:38.341
and it would mean the world

1153
01:02:38.421 --> 01:02:40.094
if you could just let me in
and have some fun...

1154
01:02:40.924 --> 01:02:41.925
Fuck!

1155
01:02:58.358 --> 01:02:59.780
Dude. You can't come in.

1156
01:03:00.068 --> 01:03:03.072
Are you sure we can't make
an, uh, arrangement?

1157
01:03:05.490 --> 01:03:07.704
Yeah. I'm gonna need some clothes, too.

1158
01:03:53.163 --> 01:03:55.585
Let's go, fucking little bitches,
no more dudes.

1159
01:03:55.665 --> 01:03:57.292
Dude, are you okay? Fuck you, Topher.

1160
01:03:57.375 --> 01:03:59.173
Oh, yeah, you guys can still
fuck each other tonight.

1161
01:03:59.377 --> 01:04:02.221
- Aw, like we're gonna fuck each other.
- Yeah, we wouldn't do that, right?

1162
01:04:21.024 --> 01:04:22.492
Hey, Mr. Pickles, I'm coming.

1163
01:04:23.860 --> 01:04:27.034
Why's this door so hard to open?
Open, you piece of shit.

1164
01:04:32.243 --> 01:04:35.543
Mr. Pickles, are you ready
for your big moment, buddy?

1165
01:04:35.705 --> 01:04:39.004
Everyone's excited to see you.
Where are you, man?

1166
01:04:39.084 --> 01:04:41.086
What are you doing under the bed,
you little silly-willy?

1167
01:04:42.337 --> 01:04:45.010
What... No. No!

1168
01:04:45.090 --> 01:04:47.637
Oh, my God!
Who did this to you, Mr. Pickles?

1169
01:04:47.717 --> 01:04:48.718
What's wrong, Tucker?

1170
01:04:49.844 --> 01:04:52.347
Mr. Pickles was murdered! He's dead!

1171
01:04:52.430 --> 01:04:54.352
Don't worry, we'll find
the motherfucker who did this

1172
01:04:54.432 --> 01:04:55.558
and make them pay.

1173
01:04:55.642 --> 01:04:58.065
- Hold me.
- I'm here for you, man.

1174
01:05:05.860 --> 01:05:07.032
Damn.

1175
01:05:07.112 --> 01:05:10.161
The things I would do
to have one night with one of those girls.

1176
01:05:11.366 --> 01:05:14.370
The trick with girls is
you need to insult them.

1177
01:05:14.452 --> 01:05:18.753
Bring their self-esteem down,
and then go in for the kill.

1178
01:05:18.957 --> 01:05:20.925
Does that really work?

1179
01:05:21.126 --> 01:05:23.595
Yeah. This book I'm reading
has a whole chapter on it.

1180
01:05:24.087 --> 01:05:27.762
It also says, "Lowering the quality
raises the quantity."

1181
01:05:29.592 --> 01:05:30.889
Take her, for example.

1182
01:05:31.469 --> 01:05:33.813
That's the kind of girl we need to find.

1183
01:05:34.264 --> 01:05:36.642
The BLOB. Not her.

1184
01:05:37.725 --> 01:05:38.692
Not yet.

1185
01:05:41.604 --> 01:05:42.821
Them.

1186
01:05:49.571 --> 01:05:52.074
That color doesn't look good on you.

1187
01:05:52.157 --> 01:05:53.124
Excuse me?

1188
01:05:53.616 --> 01:05:56.711
And are you texting her
how much of a slut you are?

1189
01:05:57.162 --> 01:05:59.751
Seriously? That's your pickup line?

1190
01:05:59.831 --> 01:06:01.048
You guys are creeps.

1191
01:06:01.958 --> 01:06:03.460
And fuck you, Chocolate Rain.

1192
01:06:06.838 --> 01:06:08.306
Great advice, man.

1193
01:06:08.798 --> 01:06:10.471
And he's just, like, under my bed, dead.

1194
01:06:10.592 --> 01:06:11.763
I'm like, "Are you alive?"

1195
01:06:11.843 --> 01:06:13.845
He doesn't say anything
'cause he's dead, you know?

1196
01:06:13.928 --> 01:06:15.305
Look, you don't get it, okay?

1197
01:06:15.388 --> 01:06:18.061
Mr. Pickles was my best friend.
He's all I had.

1198
01:06:18.141 --> 01:06:21.020
He's all I ever had, and now he's dead.

1199
01:06:21.102 --> 01:06:22.440
And is it supposed to be okay?

1200
01:06:22.520 --> 01:06:24.522
No. I'm sad, okay?

1201
01:06:31.321 --> 01:06:32.617
Just tell her the truth.

1202
01:06:32.697 --> 01:06:34.040
Everything is gonna be fine.

1203
01:06:39.954 --> 01:06:40.955
Kaylee.

1204
01:06:42.499 --> 01:06:43.795
What the hell do you want?

1205
01:06:43.875 --> 01:06:46.845
I thought we were, you know,
gonna hang out a bit tonight.

1206
01:06:47.212 --> 01:06:50.136
Well, yeah, I wanted to
until you called me a fucking bitch.

1207
01:06:50.465 --> 01:06:52.058
Funny thing is, that wasn't me.

1208
01:06:53.259 --> 01:06:55.307
I was actually kidnapped earlier today.

1209
01:06:55.512 --> 01:06:57.014
- Really?
- Yeah.

1210
01:06:57.138 --> 01:06:58.810
That guy you spoke to on the phone,

1211
01:06:58.890 --> 01:07:01.018
that's the guy who kidnapped me.
His name is Goose.

1212
01:07:02.393 --> 01:07:05.021
- Goose?
- Yeah.

1213
01:07:05.980 --> 01:07:07.027
Okay.

1214
01:07:07.148 --> 01:07:09.526
Calling me a bitch is one thing.

1215
01:07:09.651 --> 01:07:11.028
But lying straight to my face?

1216
01:07:12.487 --> 01:07:14.660
And I thought you were one of the nice guys.

1217
01:07:20.078 --> 01:07:24.254
Stop the car! Stop! Stop, Mama, stop.

1218
01:07:24.374 --> 01:07:25.796
God damn.

1219
01:07:26.417 --> 01:07:29.261
Those two little shits
don't know what's coming to them.

1220
01:07:34.634 --> 01:07:35.681
Mama?

1221
01:07:37.220 --> 01:07:38.221
Yes?

1222
01:07:38.846 --> 01:07:40.810
Do you believe in me?

1223
01:07:40.890 --> 01:07:44.064
Ever since you were a little baby,
I knew you would be special.

1224
01:07:45.311 --> 01:07:47.359
You can do what you put your mind to.

1225
01:07:48.481 --> 01:07:49.983
I am gonna make you proud, Mama.

1226
01:07:50.066 --> 01:07:53.036
But make it fast
so I can see the end of my show.

1227
01:07:53.319 --> 01:07:57.118
- Okay, you'll watch your show.
- Yes, yes.

1228
01:07:57.198 --> 01:07:58.825
Those two little motherfuckers are dead.

1229
01:07:58.908 --> 01:08:01.912
That's right. Right. That's my son.

1230
01:08:02.745 --> 01:08:03.712
Yes.

1231
01:08:06.040 --> 01:08:07.041
My son.

1232
01:08:14.799 --> 01:08:16.513
All right, you little horny freaks,

1233
01:08:16.593 --> 01:08:18.766
stop grinding on each other for two seconds,

1234
01:08:18.886 --> 01:08:21.264
'cause I know we've been waiting all night
for the big surprise,

1235
01:08:21.472 --> 01:08:24.225
but wait no longer,
'cause right here, on stage,

1236
01:08:24.309 --> 01:08:27.899
performing his first ever original rap song,

1237
01:08:27.979 --> 01:08:29.859
the daddy of Mr. Pickles,

1238
01:08:29.939 --> 01:08:35.865
Mr. 10 Million Subscribers,
give it up, Tucker fucking Jones.

1239
01:08:38.781 --> 01:08:41.284
Check it out, check it out,
check it out, check it out. Oh, yeah.

1240
01:08:43.870 --> 01:08:46.248
Fuck me, Tucker!

1241
01:08:46.331 --> 01:08:49.551
Yo, this song right here
is dedicated to my cat, Mr. Pickles.

1242
01:08:50.251 --> 01:08:52.629
I found him murdered in my room earlier.

1243
01:08:52.837 --> 01:08:53.804
No!

1244
01:08:55.173 --> 01:08:56.719
But you know what? It's all good.

1245
01:08:56.799 --> 01:08:58.596
We got Topher
checking the security cameras,

1246
01:08:58.676 --> 01:09:00.890
- and we're gonna find that motherfucker.
- Yeah.

1247
01:09:00.970 --> 01:09:02.892
And we're gonna make him pay.

1248
01:09:02.972 --> 01:09:04.019
Play that shit.

1249
01:09:06.142 --> 01:09:07.109
# Yo!

1250
01:09:07.769 --> 01:09:09.942
# Tucker Jones on the mic, uh, yeah

1251
01:09:10.438 --> 01:09:13.278
# Back when I was 16
Captain of the football team

1252
01:09:13.358 --> 01:09:15.531
# Nothing could stop me
Until I hurt my knee

1253
01:09:15.985 --> 01:09:18.363
# Doc said I'd never play again, but I did

1254
01:09:18.488 --> 01:09:20.081
# I got tiger blood in me

1255
01:09:20.323 --> 01:09:22.246
# I'm here to win, biatch #

1256
01:09:22.700 --> 01:09:24.668
Kaylee, can I talk to you for a few seconds?

1257
01:09:25.203 --> 01:09:26.830
Can you give me, like, two minutes?

1258
01:09:29.040 --> 01:09:31.129
- What now?
- I really like you.

1259
01:09:31.209 --> 01:09:33.423
And I went through a lot of trouble
to see you here tonight.

1260
01:09:35.296 --> 01:09:37.343
Every time I see you, I get butterflies.

1261
01:09:37.423 --> 01:09:39.346
And I've never felt like that
before with someone.

1262
01:09:39.467 --> 01:09:42.721
I've had bad experiences
with people that lie. So...

1263
01:09:43.346 --> 01:09:45.810
# To all my haters, you can suck my balls

1264
01:09:45.890 --> 01:09:48.359
# To all my haters, you can suck my balls
# You can suck my balls

1265
01:09:48.726 --> 01:09:51.024
# To all my haters, you can suck my balls
# You can suck my balls

1266
01:09:51.229 --> 01:09:52.196
# You can suck my balls

1267
01:09:52.480 --> 01:09:54.278
That fucker stole my song!

1268
01:09:54.399 --> 01:09:56.367
# Sucky, sucky, sucky, suck my balls #

1269
01:09:56.651 --> 01:09:58.870
Can we go talk outside?
It's really loud in here.

1270
01:09:58.986 --> 01:10:01.114
- Uh, no, thanks, I'm good.
- Please?

1271
01:10:01.781 --> 01:10:02.782
Leave me alone.

1272
01:10:02.865 --> 01:10:04.663
Just let me go.

1273
01:10:04.951 --> 01:10:06.999
- Stop!
- Yo, stop the music, man.

1274
01:10:08.246 --> 01:10:09.247
Oh, no.

1275
01:10:13.376 --> 01:10:14.464
Tucker!

1276
01:10:14.544 --> 01:10:15.716
Yo, why did you
have your hands on her, bro?

1277
01:10:16.087 --> 01:10:17.675
And why the fuck are you wearing my jersey?

1278
01:10:17.755 --> 01:10:19.678
Leave him alone. I can handle this myself.

1279
01:10:19.799 --> 01:10:21.893
Yo, no one touches her except me, okay?

1280
01:10:22.218 --> 01:10:23.845
We broke up. I can do whatever I want.

1281
01:10:23.928 --> 01:10:25.180
Why don't you shut up, bitch?

1282
01:10:25.304 --> 01:10:26.726
Ooh...

1283
01:10:27.348 --> 01:10:28.395
She's not a bitch.

1284
01:10:28.516 --> 01:10:29.608
You're a bitch.

1285
01:10:29.726 --> 01:10:31.147
Oh, shit.

1286
01:10:31.227 --> 01:10:34.401
- What did you just say?
- I said, you're a bitch.

1287
01:10:35.940 --> 01:10:38.237
You were dating the most beautiful girl
in the whole world

1288
01:10:38.317 --> 01:10:39.785
and you treated her like shit.

1289
01:10:40.361 --> 01:10:42.580
- Yeah, so?
- You're an asshole.

1290
01:10:42.697 --> 01:10:44.244
She deserves someone better.

1291
01:10:44.365 --> 01:10:46.333
What? Someone like you?

1292
01:10:46.743 --> 01:10:48.581
Yes. Someone like me.

1293
01:10:49.996 --> 01:10:50.997
Yo, Tucker.

1294
01:10:53.124 --> 01:10:55.502
- It was him. He killed Mr. Pickles.
- What?

1295
01:10:55.877 --> 01:10:57.715
- No, I didn't.
- Oh, yeah, you did.

1296
01:10:57.795 --> 01:11:00.093
- We caught it on camera, too.
- Oh, no.

1297
01:11:00.715 --> 01:11:01.716
Oh...

1298
01:11:05.511 --> 01:11:06.979
Mr. Pickles?

1299
01:11:07.263 --> 01:11:09.265
What are you doing under the bed,
you little silly-willy?

1300
01:11:09.390 --> 01:11:10.892
Mr. Pickles, oh, my God!

1301
01:11:11.976 --> 01:11:13.649
Mr. Pickles has been murdered!

1302
01:11:13.978 --> 01:11:15.946
Hold me!

1303
01:11:17.565 --> 01:11:18.942
Yo, I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass, bro.

1304
01:11:19.275 --> 01:11:20.948
Freeze!

1305
01:11:21.152 --> 01:11:22.779
Nobody move!

1306
01:11:24.322 --> 01:11:26.661
All you kids having a good time, huh?

1307
01:11:26.741 --> 01:11:30.540
You drinking, having sex with each other.
Chuk, chuck. Okay?

1308
01:11:30.620 --> 01:11:32.083
And this guy singing.

1309
01:11:32.163 --> 01:11:35.292
Gay guy, "Oh, suck my ball, suck the ball."

1310
01:11:35.416 --> 01:11:37.255
No, thank you, I'm not gay,
but maybe tonight, okay?

1311
01:11:37.335 --> 01:11:38.712
Now, back away!

1312
01:11:39.128 --> 01:11:41.881
I have unfinished business
with my little cutie-pie right here.

1313
01:11:41.964 --> 01:11:43.557
- Oh, shit.
- Where's my car?

1314
01:11:44.383 --> 01:11:45.930
It's at the Pleasure Palace.

1315
01:11:47.303 --> 01:11:48.930
What the fuck is a Pleasure Palace?

1316
01:11:49.013 --> 01:11:53.018
It's where they have sex,
and there's a beaver and a midget.

1317
01:11:53.100 --> 01:11:55.273
Ooh, I love beaver-midget sex.

1318
01:11:55.353 --> 01:11:56.320
It get me hard, you know what I mean?

1319
01:11:56.437 --> 01:11:58.314
Give me my keys and my watch.

1320
01:11:59.357 --> 01:12:00.445
I don't have them.

1321
01:12:00.525 --> 01:12:01.612
And where's your black friend?

1322
01:12:01.692 --> 01:12:03.285
The one that looks like Whoopi Goldberg?

1323
01:12:03.820 --> 01:12:04.821
I don't know.

1324
01:12:05.071 --> 01:12:07.660
Hey, you Asian bitch,
you can't just come into my party

1325
01:12:07.740 --> 01:12:10.118
with a fucking gun,
acting like you own the place.

1326
01:12:10.201 --> 01:12:11.202
You need to fuckin' leave.

1327
01:12:12.495 --> 01:12:14.834
Look at this big guy talking to me, huh?

1328
01:12:14.914 --> 01:12:17.008
You think you're Superman
'cause you look like Brandon Routh?

1329
01:12:17.291 --> 01:12:19.794
I have HRS, Hidden Retard Strength.

1330
01:12:19.877 --> 01:12:20.969
I will fuck you!

1331
01:12:21.337 --> 01:12:23.305
Yeah, I wanna fuck you,
I wanna fuck you bad, bro.

1332
01:12:23.589 --> 01:12:24.841
I'm fucking loco.

1333
01:12:25.299 --> 01:12:26.300
Oh!

1334
01:12:29.345 --> 01:12:31.973
Whoo!
Oh, I'm gonna fuckin' enjoy this shit.

1335
01:12:37.270 --> 01:12:40.818
That was awesome!

1336
01:12:45.236 --> 01:12:46.579
Party's back on.

1337
01:12:49.574 --> 01:12:52.163
Shit, Tucker, wake up, dude.

1338
01:12:52.243 --> 01:12:54.166
Tucker? You just got knocked out, dude.

1339
01:12:54.370 --> 01:12:55.997
Who was that guy? He was gonna kill you.

1340
01:12:56.080 --> 01:12:58.461
That's the guy who kidnapped us.

1341
01:12:58.541 --> 01:13:00.004
- Is that the truth?
- Yeah.

1342
01:13:00.084 --> 01:13:01.464
That's the little Asian motherfucker

1343
01:13:01.544 --> 01:13:04.263
that wanted to fuck on me, huh? Fuck you!

1344
01:13:06.549 --> 01:13:07.766
I'm sorry.

1345
01:13:09.051 --> 01:13:12.396
Why the fuck are you guys still partying?
Someone help me.

1346
01:13:12.513 --> 01:13:14.015
Fuck, come on, Tucker.

1347
01:13:14.098 --> 01:13:16.646
All right, guys, now we're gonna
slow it down a little bit.

1348
01:13:16.726 --> 01:13:18.439
'Cause, here, to perform his original song,

1349
01:13:18.519 --> 01:13:21.693
You're Always Loved,
give it up for my boy Golden.

1350
01:13:29.780 --> 01:13:32.704
# She's the part in the movie
where it all adds up

1351
01:13:33.159 --> 01:13:36.379
# So caught up in her eyes

1352
01:13:36.579 --> 01:13:40.584
# Oh, can't look away, I'm hypnotized

1353
01:13:41.459 --> 01:13:43.382
- Look, man...
- No, you're right.

1354
01:13:44.045 --> 01:13:46.924
I'm an asshole. And I'm selfish.

1355
01:13:47.715 --> 01:13:50.719
I'm sorry I dragged you
into all of this shit tonight.

1356
01:13:51.344 --> 01:13:52.641
You don't need to apologize.

1357
01:13:53.721 --> 01:13:55.849
I shouldn't have called you a bad friend.

1358
01:13:55.932 --> 01:13:57.400
I was being selfish, too.

1359
01:13:57.975 --> 01:14:01.195
So, um, are we cool?

1360
01:14:02.605 --> 01:14:03.606
We're cool.

1361
01:14:03.940 --> 01:14:07.615
# I will be there, I'll be there

1362
01:14:08.152 --> 01:14:11.117
# When the words just come out wrong

1363
01:14:11.197 --> 01:14:15.373
# And you're sick of the love songs

1364
01:14:15.993 --> 01:14:18.462
# I will be there, I'll be there

1365
01:14:18.579 --> 01:14:21.002
Hey, do you mind
if I borrow Jack for a little?

1366
01:14:21.123 --> 01:14:22.466
Not now, Kaylee!

1367
01:14:23.042 --> 01:14:25.465
- Duncan.
- I'm just kidding.

1368
01:14:29.298 --> 01:14:31.596
Go ahead, my lady.

1369
01:14:34.303 --> 01:14:37.307
# I'll be there to help

1370
01:14:38.140 --> 01:14:39.232
# Oh, yeah

1371
01:14:40.101 --> 01:14:43.605
# And when you're giving up

1372
01:14:45.815 --> 01:14:50.537
# Just know you're always loved

1373
01:14:53.698 --> 01:14:56.245
# You're always loved #

1374
01:14:56.325 --> 01:14:59.123
Hey, I'm sorry about tonight.

1375
01:14:59.203 --> 01:15:00.499
I was being such a bitch.

1376
01:15:00.579 --> 01:15:01.922
I can't believe I...

1377
01:15:05.710 --> 01:15:07.212
I accept your apology.

1378
01:15:17.179 --> 01:15:18.556
God, he's so fat.

1379
01:15:19.515 --> 01:15:21.563
- Anyway, cheers, mate.
- Cheers.

1380
01:15:23.477 --> 01:15:24.854
You were a hero out there.

1381
01:15:26.814 --> 01:15:28.942
- Thanks.
- I made you a new note.

1382
01:15:53.382 --> 01:15:56.477
Tabitha, have you met my new best friend?

1383
01:15:58.888 --> 01:16:00.356
Hi, Tabitha.

1384
01:16:02.183 --> 01:16:03.526
I'll be right back.

1385
01:16:06.604 --> 01:16:08.857
That color doesn't look good on you.

1386
01:16:09.065 --> 01:16:10.408
Oh, really?

1387
01:16:16.405 --> 01:16:17.577
Scarlett?

1388
01:16:18.741 --> 01:16:20.118
It's me, Duncan.

1389
01:16:22.078 --> 01:16:24.333
You were my sex teacher this morning.

1390
01:16:24.413 --> 01:16:27.257
Oh, my God. Hey, you.

1391
01:16:27.583 --> 01:16:29.380
What are you doing here?

1392
01:16:29.460 --> 01:16:31.133
I'm Tucker's sister.

1393
01:16:31.796 --> 01:16:32.842
Oh, wow.

1394
01:16:32.922 --> 01:16:35.141
I'm so sorry.

1395
01:16:35.257 --> 01:16:37.179
Don't worry about it.
He had it coming for him.

1396
01:16:37.259 --> 01:16:38.431
He's a total dick.

1397
01:16:40.346 --> 01:16:44.101
You're so much more beautiful in real life.

1398
01:16:44.308 --> 01:16:45.901
Thanks.

1399
01:16:50.356 --> 01:16:52.575
I'm really sorry I cut our session short.

1400
01:16:53.275 --> 01:16:55.698
I know it sounds kinda weird,

1401
01:16:55.778 --> 01:16:57.951
but I was kinda turned on by
what you were doing to the doll.

1402
01:16:59.990 --> 01:17:02.664
Do you wanna
finish up the lesson in my room?

1403
01:17:03.619 --> 01:17:05.587
I would love nothing more.

1404
01:17:06.580 --> 01:17:07.547
Come on.

1405
01:17:32.690 --> 01:17:33.691
Wait.

1406
01:17:34.608 --> 01:17:36.485
I've got something I need to tell you.

1407
01:17:37.361 --> 01:17:39.534
What? You're a virgin?

1408
01:17:40.239 --> 01:17:41.491
How did you know?

1409
01:17:42.950 --> 01:17:44.167
I could tell.

1410
01:17:49.540 --> 01:17:50.507
Boober?

1411
01:17:52.626 --> 01:17:53.969
I can help you out with that.

1412
01:17:59.508 --> 01:18:01.135
Take off your fucking clothes.

1413
01:18:01.427 --> 01:18:02.770
Yes, ma'am.

1414
01:18:10.561 --> 01:18:11.562
Mmm.

1415
01:18:12.021 --> 01:18:13.022
You wanna learn about sex?

1416
01:18:14.565 --> 01:18:17.865
I'm gonna teach you
everything you need to know tonight.

1417
01:18:18.402 --> 01:18:21.702
Teach me everything.

1418
01:18:22.781 --> 01:18:24.658
You'll always remember your first time.

1419
01:18:28.412 --> 01:18:30.540
God bless America.

1420
01:18:35.419 --> 01:18:37.508
We're not virgins any more!

1421
01:18:37.588 --> 01:18:38.759
This is what we do.

1422
01:18:38.839 --> 01:18:40.678
South Africa and England.

1423
01:18:40.758 --> 01:18:44.012
- We go in your country and take your women.
- Whoo!

1424
01:18:49.850 --> 01:18:53.024
Boys, where have you been?
Your flight leaves in two hours.

1425
01:18:53.312 --> 01:18:55.861
I tried both your cells,
straight to voice-mail.

1426
01:18:56.273 --> 01:18:59.322
Sorry. Things got really, really crazy.

1427
01:18:59.860 --> 01:19:01.362
Were you guys at Tucker's party?

1428
01:19:01.445 --> 01:19:02.788
Go to your room, God damn it.

1429
01:19:05.115 --> 01:19:06.367
All right, guys,
you need to go pack your bags

1430
01:19:06.450 --> 01:19:07.542
'cause we have to leave now.

1431
01:19:08.452 --> 01:19:10.916
Oh, but, Jack, did you end up
hooking up with Kaylee?

1432
01:19:10.996 --> 01:19:12.748
Because all the moms are gonna wanna know.

1433
01:19:13.916 --> 01:19:14.963
She told me not to tell.

1434
01:19:16.085 --> 01:19:17.962
Yeah, I fucked Tucker's sister.

1435
01:19:18.254 --> 01:19:19.927
Okay, didn't need to know that.

1436
01:19:20.047 --> 01:19:22.391
All right, hurry up, go, go.

1437
01:19:25.803 --> 01:19:27.391
We should have sex tonight.

1438
01:19:27.471 --> 01:19:28.643
Jesus, Lisa, stop it.

1439
01:19:33.352 --> 01:19:34.604
So I guess this is it.

1440
01:19:34.979 --> 01:19:37.198
Dude, come visit me in London sometime.

1441
01:19:37.398 --> 01:19:39.651
Only if we get kidnapped and have an orgy.

1442
01:19:41.151 --> 01:19:42.323
Good times.

1443
01:19:45.155 --> 01:19:46.122
I love you.

1444
01:19:46.782 --> 01:19:47.783
Love you, too, man.

1445
01:19:49.994 --> 01:19:51.792
Oh, yeah, don't forget about this.

1446
01:19:53.414 --> 01:19:54.415
My phone.

1447
01:19:54.498 --> 01:19:56.592
I took it from Goose
after Tucker knocked him out.

1448
01:19:57.167 --> 01:19:59.010
You, sir, are a legend.

1449
01:20:00.337 --> 01:20:01.805
Kaylee sent you some nudes, by the way.

1450
01:20:02.298 --> 01:20:03.260
What?

1451
01:20:03.340 --> 01:20:04.307
I'm only kidding.

1452
01:20:06.844 --> 01:20:08.596
Kaylee said she's gonna
come visit me this summer.

1453
01:20:08.679 --> 01:20:09.976
Scarlett said she's gonna give me

1454
01:20:10.097 --> 01:20:11.690
free sex lessons when I get back.

1455
01:20:12.266 --> 01:20:14.234
- You deserve those.
- Thanks, man.

1456
01:20:14.601 --> 01:20:17.024
Let me know where
you're going for college, by the way.

1457
01:20:17.104 --> 01:20:18.151
I'm thinking about studying abroad.

1458
01:20:18.605 --> 01:20:19.606
Fuck yeah.

1459
01:20:48.218 --> 01:20:50.016
You're in, you're in. Come on, go, go.

1460
01:20:51.555 --> 01:20:53.148
- Fuck! Fuck!
- Yeah. Yeah.

1461
01:20:53.265 --> 01:20:55.063
- Shit.
- Wait. Wait.

1462
01:21:00.022 --> 01:21:01.569
Did you just come?

1463
01:21:01.899 --> 01:21:03.242
Yeah.

1464
01:21:03.567 --> 01:21:04.613
Oh.

1465
01:21:04.693 --> 01:21:05.694
Okay.

1466
01:21:23.170 --> 01:21:25.138
I'm fucking with you.

1467
01:21:34.223 --> 01:21:36.225
I've totally fucked up my lines!

1468
01:21:37.601 --> 01:21:38.773
Where's your black friend?

1469
01:21:38.894 --> 01:21:40.692
The one that looks like Whoopi Goldberg?

1470
01:21:43.482 --> 01:21:44.654
Whoopi Goldberg...

1471
01:21:44.900 --> 01:21:46.868
# I got a big dick #

1472
01:21:54.952 --> 01:21:56.999
"Sorry, I can't make it today.

1473
01:21:57.079 --> 01:22:01.710
"I'm too much of a pussy
to go meet some blind niggas."

1474
01:22:03.836 --> 01:22:06.508
You always say that.
You're not gay, but you'd fuck a guy.

1475
01:22:06.588 --> 01:22:08.932
I know. No condom either, you know.

1476
01:22:09.049 --> 01:22:10.016
Oh, look.

1477
01:22:12.803 --> 01:22:14.641
You were so heroic out there.

1478
01:22:25.441 --> 01:22:27.237
Who my pookie bear?

1479
01:22:27.317 --> 01:22:28.284
I am.

1480
01:22:30.487 --> 01:22:31.488
Yes.

1481
01:22:36.660 --> 01:22:38.412
Oh, fuck, my head.

1482
01:22:38.495 --> 01:22:39.963
Watch where you're going.

1483
01:22:40.581 --> 01:22:43.255
I'm gonna teach you everything
you need to know...

1484
01:22:45.794 --> 01:22:48.138
Okay, really? Really?

1485
01:22:48.881 --> 01:22:51.304
I'm fucking with you again.

1486
01:22:53.302 --> 01:22:54.303
Uh-oh!

1487
01:23:06.440 --> 01:23:07.441
Shit, cunt.

1488
01:23:07.816 --> 01:23:11.662
And let's just say, only one of us
left that swamp alive.

1489
01:23:11.778 --> 01:23:13.075
Somebody left that door open,

1490
01:23:13.155 --> 01:23:15.283
so you can just go on in, go ahead now.

1491
01:23:15.365 --> 01:23:17.367
That was good times. Have fun, Shalonda.

1492
01:23:22.039 --> 01:23:23.757
Yes!

1493
01:23:25.167 --> 01:23:26.885
You took so fucking long...

1494
01:23:33.967 --> 01:23:35.264
Okay, go do your thing.

1495
01:23:36.637 --> 01:23:38.014
That's my ride.

1496
01:23:38.514 --> 01:23:39.726
I'm just gonna hop on it.

1497
01:23:39.806 --> 01:23:40.853
That's what she said.

1498
01:23:41.141 --> 01:23:43.564
You think you're Superman
'cause you look like Brandon...

1499
01:23:44.269 --> 01:23:45.316
Do it again.

1500
01:23:47.856 --> 01:23:49.699
That hurt so bad.

1501
01:23:51.568 --> 01:23:54.037
Chef Nelson's or whatever
the fuck it's called.

1502
01:23:54.404 --> 01:23:56.873
Uh, Chef Nelson's. He's got a restaurant.

1503
01:23:56.990 --> 01:23:58.367
The crab shack.

1504
01:23:59.034 --> 01:24:01.036
Yeah.

1505
01:24:02.371 --> 01:24:04.668
Imagine getting tag-teamed by those two.

1506
01:24:04.748 --> 01:24:07.251
- I totally have. Huh? What?
- What?

1507
01:24:07.376 --> 01:24:09.549
Suck my balls, suck my balls,

1508
01:24:09.670 --> 01:24:11.008
suck my balls...

1509
01:24:11.088 --> 01:24:13.386
All right, this is the one.

1510
01:24:13.674 --> 01:24:16.348
Suck my balls, my balls.

1511
01:24:17.761 --> 01:24:19.388
Oh, fuck. Sorry!

1512
01:24:20.389 --> 01:24:23.353
Oh, there's an old saying,
"You open up the sleeping dragon,

1513
01:24:23.433 --> 01:24:25.606
"he might have sex with your mouth." Okay?

1514
01:24:26.270 --> 01:24:27.442
Hey, calm down, guys.

1515
01:24:29.064 --> 01:24:30.236
Hey we go, guys.

1516
01:24:32.776 --> 01:24:34.028
For fuck's sake!

1517
01:24:34.111 --> 01:24:37.075
- I don't know what to say.
- I don't know what to say to him.

1518
01:24:38.740 --> 01:24:39.707
Action.

1519
01:24:40.450 --> 01:24:42.452
Oh, my...

1520
01:24:45.455 --> 01:24:47.169
- What's funny?
- I don't know.

1521
01:24:47.249 --> 01:24:48.876
Everyone wants to go home, buddy.

1521
01:24:49.305 --> 01:24:55.447
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