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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
2
00:00:26,726 --> 00:00:30,503
No
No
3
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:39,845
No
No
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00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:43,012
No
5
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No, she don't mess around
No, she don't mess around
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100% blue agave.
7
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Taste it.
8
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Look, Mike, I like you.
9
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,901
But no one's looking for
another brand of tequila.
10
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They've got the three...
What is it?
11
00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:04,372
The Cuervo, the other one,
and the third one.
12
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:06,076
And they don't
need more tequila.
13
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If I can't sell it,
it's not gonna sell.
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People want the new-new.
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-The "new-new"?
-The "new-new."
16
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They want that new-new.
17
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No!
18
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What if I could sell this
tequila to a customer?
19
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,813
-Would I have your order then?
-Yeah, sure.
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And I'm just gonna pick
a customer at random.
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Excuse me, sir.
22
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Do you enjoy the
taste of tequila?
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Why, yes, I do.
24
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But I only drink my particular brand,
and you will not convince me otherwise.
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-It's a perfect candidate.
-Because it's your brother!
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I know that's your brother.
27
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He dated my niece.
28
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Look, mate, I don't
know your niece.
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-Okay.
-But if I did...
30
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I'd say she was a little clingy, and
she'd freak a lot of people out.
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We play Wards With Friends
together, right?
32
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-Dave, right?
-Name's Rick. Just got in from Melbourne.
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His name's Rick.
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I know he's your brother.
35
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Look, look, look. You guys
are funny, you're weird.
36
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We do this every couple weeks...
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All right, I'll take 10 cases.
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-Fuck, yes!
-Yes!
39
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Yes! I knew it!
40
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We sold your ass, Randy!
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I don't know if
that's what happened.
42
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-It was the hat, right?
-Was it the hat?
43
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I just found this over there.
44
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Do something crazy
45
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Live like it's Mardi Gras
46
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And go jump
Make the party start
47
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Don't need no R&R
48
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To regular life, I say au revoir
49
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:20,582
Yay! Living life
in the fast lane
50
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Now your pain only be champagne
51
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:25,813
So please comejoin me
One thing, good vibes only
52
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Start the keg
{mine fill my cup
53
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Got fireworks, got booze
Let's blow some shit up
54
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Tonight I'm going stupid
55
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Doing things I've never done
56
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We all got one thing in common
57
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We just wanna have fun
58
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Do something crazy
59
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aka Y
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Do something crazy
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Do what you wanna do
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Do something crazy
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I'm about to do
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I'm about to do
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Do something crazy
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Do something crazy
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Do something wild
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Rolling with the homies
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Chicks by my side
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Live for the moment
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All of the time
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Turn up the music
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Only good vibes
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Sorry to throw
the accent at you, bro.
75
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,405
No, dude. I loved it,
and it kept me in the now.
76
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:28,514
Do you realize that that sale puts
us at number three in the office?
77
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,177
The Stangle bros are killing it
right now!
78
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,482
It's not an actual hat.
They just call it a jimmy hat.
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If you wear two, they break.
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-It's an urban legend...
-No, it's not.
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Mom, Dad?
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Jeanie. Eric.
83
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Don't freak out.
I don't want you to freak out.
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Just come on in.
85
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Why don't we all
just sit down?
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We gotta talk to you.
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We wanna discuss
Jeanie and Eric's wedding.
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-Sweet.
-Okay.
89
00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:55,111
Are you guys thinking DJ or band?
First thought, band, right?
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No. People want to
hear the real songs.
91
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You don't want to hear a guy
singing Beyoncé.
92
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You just want to hear Beyoncé.
93
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:04,015
Yeah, but we want
to talk about...
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00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,886
is you two.
95
00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:08,758
Now, over the years...
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00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:11,961
a theme has emerged
at our family gatherings.
97
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Everyone's having a good time...
98
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-That's right.
-Things are going smoothly.
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Party time.
100
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And then you two show up...
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stag...
102
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and you hit on girls...
103
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you act like idiots...
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and you ruin it.
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Ruin it.
106
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What? We are not party ruiners!
107
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We're party creators!
108
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And besides, when have we ever
ruined a family event?
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We thought you might say that.
110
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Yep, here we go.
And we just stream it.
111
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:37,910
Apple TV.
112
00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:39,012
We just need your password.
113
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-Bryan's baby dick 69.
-Yeah.
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Bryan's baby dick 69.
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What the fuck, guys? Really?
116
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-Got it. Yep.
-Is that it?
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Good.
118
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Happy Fourth of July!
119
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Shit!
120
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It was fun up to that point.
121
00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:09,010
God damn it! My trailer!
122
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Shit.
123
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,525
Actually, this is what
we're trying to avoid.
124
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-The both of you are fucking idiots.
-Fucking losers!
125
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Grandpa, wake up! Take his tie.
126
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Are you saying we had something
to do with Grandfather's death?
127
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He died five years after that!
128
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,685
That is a lot of guilt
to put us. Shame on you.
129
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,221
Plus, this video only shows
the screw-ups.
130
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,652
Where's the epic tracking
shots of smiling faces?
131
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And everybody looking at us,
just going...
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"God, I love Mike and Dave.
133
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"They made this whole
party worth it."
134
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,168
When are the two of you
going to grow up?
135
00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:00,496
This shtick was
cute for a while...
136
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:02,071
but it's gotten stale.
137
00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:04,139
Mom, come on, what are you...
138
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,504
You're talking about us like we're
a couple of losers or something.
139
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,739
What we don't want you to do is go
chasing girls and get out of control.
140
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You understand?
141
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,646
Wait, we can still
talk to girls, right?
142
00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:15,251
You can each talk to one girl.
143
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The girls that you
bring to the wedding.
144
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What do you mean?
145
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I want you to bring a date.
146
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,423
That's two dates.
147
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:25,062
You want us to bring
dates to a wedding?
148
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Excuse me?
149
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,323
Are you allowed to do that?
150
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:28,727
Nice, respectable, smart girls!
151
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Keep you in line.
152
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,529
-What the fuck?
-What?
153
00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:33,034
-Are you insane?
-You're kidding.
154
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:35,433
You are not screwing up this
wedding. Do you hear me?
155
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Mom, do you hear this river of horse
shit coming out of Dad's mouth?
156
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:41,536
We don't want you showing up
stag and riling each other up!
157
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:44,113
-We don't rile each other up!
-We never get riled up!
158
00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:46,409
-I don't get riled!
-He doesn't and I don't, either!
159
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:48,276
Look at you right now!
You're riled!
160
00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,581
-Take your head out of your ass, Dad!
-You sound insane right now.
161
00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:53,247
Everybody stop yelling! Okay?
162
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,620
You guys bringing wedding dates
was my idea.
163
00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:59,754
Look, I love the shit
out of you guys.
164
00:07:00,052 --> 00:07:02,931
But everyone is already stressed
out about this wedding...
165
00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,964
and I just need you to be cool.
166
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:07,860
Of course, Jeanie!
167
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,368
Please?
168
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:10,564
For me?
169
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,141
I promise. We would never do
anything to mess up your wedding.
170
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:14,972
Jeanie, we love you.
171
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,809
We want this to be
the best day of your life.
172
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Yeah.
173
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You, too, Eric.
174
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,311
Thank you.
175
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:21,607
Mostly you, though, Jeanie.
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00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,722
If you want us to bring dates,
we're bringing dates.
177
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:25,847
All right, it's settled then.
178
00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:28,690
Wedding dates!
179
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:31,585
Dave, buddy, let me talk to you
for a second, okay? Listen.
180
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,822
I'm sorry to lump
you in with Mike...
181
00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:35,659
but if I only told your older
brother to bring a date...
182
00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:37,426
he'd get all weird about it.
183
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,728
I just feel like he's
holding you back.
184
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,428
Dad, I don't mind
being lumped in with Mike.
185
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,004
Do you remember
the fifth grade bake sale...
186
00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:44,197
when Mom made those cupcakes...
187
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,636
and I called them moist?
188
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,108
Everyone called me Moist...
189
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:50,178
till Mike took a cupcake...
190
00:07:50,336 --> 00:07:52,976
and shoved it in
Tom Ginty's face.
191
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,450
He said, "Now you're
moist, Moist."
192
00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:59,682
That's the kind of guy Mike is.
193
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,482
So, think on that...
194
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:03,621
Dad.
195
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,023
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to end
that on such a weird note, Dad.
196
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,191
-I love you. And thanks.
-Good. I don't want you to be mad.
197
00:08:10,289 --> 00:08:11,427
I'm not even mad.
I'm not even upset.
198
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,526
We're gonna find some dates.
199
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:16,230
I gotta say, some nights,
lam not looking my best.
200
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,442
But tonight is not
one of those nights!
201
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,838
-Do you like my hair?
-Yeah, girl.
202
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,502
-You look good.
-No.
203
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:23,840
We're gonna make a
lot of tips tonight.
204
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,014
Good. We need it.
We don't have any money.
205
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,977
You got money for
this ride, don't you?
206
00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:29,817
-Yeah, yeah, yeah!
-Yeah, yeah, yeah!
207
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:30,877
'Cause you have money?
208
00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:31,978
I thought you had money.
209
00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:33,045
I don't have any money.
210
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:34,113
You know I don't have money.
211
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,717
Yeah, y'all are whispering like
people that don't got money.
212
00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:38,328
Check it out. I'mma
pay you right now.
213
00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:40,161
Boop. I Apple Paid.
214
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:41,357
I don't even have Apple Pay.
215
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,395
Yo, Siri, pay this man.
216
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,690
He's already paid.
217
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:45,758
God damn it!
218
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,237
I'm not gonna take shit from
you, because this my cab.
219
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:49,839
You shouldn't take shit from us.
220
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:52,137
-You should kick us out!
-You should kick us out of this cab.
221
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,304
You know what? I'm gonna kick
you the fuck out of this cab.
222
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,609
Yeah, just go three more
blocks up on the right...
223
00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:58,705
and then kick us out!
224
00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,846
Here we are!
225
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,208
Get out of my cab.
226
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,683
Thank you. You're a
really good person.
227
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:04,878
Okay, God bless you.
228
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,524
I'm just gonna start
driving for Uber. Fuck it.
229
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:08,981
I got a good idea.
230
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:10,821
Let's pop off, get a couple
of drinks before work.
231
00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:13,054
Just a few, because I don't
want to get hammered.
232
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,721
Yeah, of course not.
Just a light buzz.
233
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:22,704
Hey, hey, he?!
234
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,398
Welcome to Sake Bombers...
235
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,771
where your first
Sake Bomb is on us!
236
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,844
-Kaboom!
-You're drunk, Alice.
237
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,706
You're doing that thing
where you're whispering,
238
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:31,908
but you're really yelling.
239
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,379
Because I'm upset with you.
240
00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:34,574
What the hell?
241
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,014
I don't understand
why you just started
242
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,076
yelling at me for no reason.
243
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,645
What the hell is going on here?
244
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:39,950
Your little buddy is shit-faced.
245
00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:42,387
Straight up.
246
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:44,892
Her fiancé just left
her at the altar.
247
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:46,185
She's been going
through a hard time.
248
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,357
-Are you guys talking about me?
-No, baby girl.
249
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,900
You know how many times
I have come in here...
250
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:54,004
and she is drunk off her fucking
ass, dancing on the tables?
251
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:57,300
Only when Rihanna comes on,
because it's my jam.
252
00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:59,204
I am a strong independent woman.
253
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,038
And I will get on a table
and shake my shit to RiRi.
254
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:05,204
Because it's my right.
America!
255
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,272
Feminism!
256
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,884
You just push your tits up
and say feminism?
257
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:09,417
Yeah. Read a Twitter.
258
00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:12,686
#2016. Women can do shit now.
259
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:13,746
(Oil/L Y GIRL IN
THE WORLD PLAYING}
260
00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:16,926
Don't do that!
261
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,585
Who put her jam on?
262
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:20,921
Queen RiRi, forever!
263
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:22,998
I'm really sorry
that I got us fired.
264
00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:25,462
I'm just sort of surprised
it didn't happen sooner...
265
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,070
-but I'm still really sorry.
-Hey!
266
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,473
Alice, you do not apologize
right now, okay?
267
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:31,667
You didn't do one thing wrong.
268
00:10:31,897 --> 00:10:34,138
-Okay.
-People need to get in line with you.
269
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,337
Right. You're right.
270
00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:38,243
Alice, why are you watching
your wedding video?
271
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:39,474
AndA/ice...
272
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:40,913
do you take Luke?
273
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,008
I do.
274
00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:43,075
Because it's therapeutic.
275
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:44,950
The more I watch it,
the less I feel.
276
00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:46,147
And do you,
Luke, take Alice?
277
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:47,346
Ida...
278
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:48,781
not.
279
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,523
Man. Fuck you, Luke.
280
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,326
Fuck that guy.
281
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:55,827
Fuck him right in his dick.
282
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,023
No!
283
00:10:57,189 --> 00:11:00,966
Because now I'm picturing his dick
getting fucked by another dick.
284
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:02,538
And it makes me
want to protect it.
285
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:06,343
My God, girl! Damn!
286
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,172
You're better than this.
Come on!
287
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,813
We're T and A!
288
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,472
Where's the Alice who made
vodka pot brownies with me...
289
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,015
for the junior
high science fair?
290
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,652
Or gave us water balloon tits
291
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:17,312
and we won that wet T-shirt
contest in Mexico?
292
00:11:17,476 --> 00:11:19,615
Yeah, they were so nice.
293
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,452
I know, dude. We need that shit.
294
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:23,284
I'm tired of living like this.
295
00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,853
We need an adventure.
296
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,365
We've got a great little package
we're selling here, man.
297
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,799
A week in a tropical paradise...
298
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:35,905
with two fun-loving,
yet surprisingly well-read bros?
299
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,029
Yeah.
300
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,871
I read most of the Goosebumps
series, and so did you.
301
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:39,932
Yeah.
302
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:41,000
Where do I sign up?
303
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,273
Dude, focus.
304
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:44,075
-Okay.
-This is for Jeanie.
305
00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:46,748
So to find the perfect fun,
but nice girls...
306
00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:47,840
we're gonna have to
meet a lot of them.
307
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,275
The Internet!
308
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:50,509
That's a good idea.
309
00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:52,222
Match.com, Tinder...
310
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,948
Grindr, OkCupid.
311
00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:55,014
Craigslist!
312
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:56,251
Craigslist?
313
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:58,420
Craigslist, you think, that's
where you go to meet nice girls?
314
00:11:58,517 --> 00:11:59,689
Dave?
315
00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,525
We met this couch on Craigslist.
316
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,629
And you wuv this
couch, don't you?
317
00:12:05,691 --> 00:12:07,830
I do love that couch.
318
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:10,264
I'm gonna unlock
the swag on this bitch.
319
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:11,597
All right.
320
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,304
Here you go. Just take a little
sip. Take a little nip-a-roo.
321
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:18,771
Boom!
322
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:20,980
Do you think anyone's even
really gonna see this?
323
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,041
God, I hope so.
324
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:23,513
Like max, what do you think?
325
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,350
We're gonna get, like, five or
six dates out of this, or what?
326
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:28,116
I'd be happy with that.
327
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,155
Hey.
328
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,667
Did you see this thing that
Shelly's sending around the office?
329
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:39,961
It's a free trip to Hawaii!
330
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,696
Look what someone
posted to my Facebook.
331
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,071
-I gotta tweet this out.
-Those guys are cute.
332
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,265
Ala-hat!
333
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,705
ALL". I got the
one on the right.
334
00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:48,470
I like the one on the right.
335
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:49,635
I got the one on the right.
336
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,943
I like the one on the right.
337
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:53,072
We gotta send this to everyone.
338
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:54,174
Let's all apply!
339
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,275
WOMAN Z". I want
to go to Hawaii.
340
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:56,375
{just emailed them.
341
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,648
Let's just meet them,
give 'em a chance.
342
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,815
So, you guys want
to go to a wedding?
343
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,482
What are your names?
344
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,151
Do you guys have names?
345
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,665
Basically we were looking
through Craigslist for work.
346
00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:11,494
You're both...
347
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:12,558
Prostitutes.
348
00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:14,361
Whatever. Take us to Hawaii!
349
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:15,427
Hawaii!
350
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:19,872
We can't take you.
351
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:20,933
No way.
352
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,276
Did you guys say something about an
all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii?
353
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:24,640
It's just for girls.
354
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:26,779
That's not a deal breaker.
355
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:28,110
Hi, my name is Lauralie...
356
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:29,582
and I'm kind of new to this.
357
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:30,643
Yeah.
358
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:31,847
You're new to...
359
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:33,623
Online dating. Yeah.
360
00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:36,157
I'm not really looking for a
heteronormative relationship.
361
00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:38,853
-You look like a Nike swoosh.
-Goddamn right, I do.
362
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:40,019
I work at a dog shelter.
363
00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:41,663
Our sister loves dogs.
364
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:42,993
I wanna make sure
they get really good homes.
365
00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:44,056
What's a good home?
366
00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:45,863
The white homes.
367
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,971
-The what homes?
-The white homes.
368
00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:49,333
Like white people.
369
00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:53,333
Check, please.
370
00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:55,703
This isn't lipstick. This
is a tattoo, you dumb fuck.
371
00:13:57,703 --> 00:14:00,547
Who are you laughing at? Who?
372
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:01,978
All right, look,
here's the deal.
373
00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:04,481
I went through a divorce, like,
three weeks ago. I need a vacation.
374
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,154
No.
375
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:07,213
Okay, you guys sure
you don't want to fuck?
376
00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:08,314
-What?
-Nothing.
377
00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:09,482
-What did you say?
-Nothing.
378
00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:11,858
Sounded like you said,
"Do you wanna fuck?"
379
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:12,918
Do you wanna fuck?
380
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:14,087
-What?
-What?
381
00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:15,461
-What?
-You guys...
382
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:16,725
-Do you want me to fuck you?
-No.
383
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:18,368
-No.
-I didn't say it, but...
384
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,596
-I'll suck your dick right now. What?
-What?
385
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,200
Welcome back.
386
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,540
I'm here with Mike
and Dave Stangle...
387
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,376
who posted an ad
on Craigslist...
388
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,279
looking for dates
for their sister's wedding...
389
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,577
in Oahu, Hawaii.
390
00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:37,846
Well, the ad went viral.
391
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,589
It racked up over
6,000 responses...
392
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:43,988
from women who
actually wanted to go.
393
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,050
Yeah, well, who's counting?
394
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,662
You know, I guess we all are.
395
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:47,921
Is this my close-up?
396
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:49,589
You guys, come on. Craigslist?
397
00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:52,167
Honestly, this is about
finding nice girls...
398
00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:54,668
to go with us to Hawaii
for our sister's wedding.
399
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:55,999
And {just want to reiterate...
400
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,641
we 're footing the bill for this
because we 're gentlemen.
401
00:14:58,898 --> 00:14:59,933
Free trip to Hawaii?
402
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,601
I'm awake!
403
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:02,941
-Come on. Craigslist.
-What's up?
404
00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:04,513
That's where you go
to buy old patio furniture.
405
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:05,910
You know what else you can find
on Craigslist?
406
00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:08,882
Love...
407
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,214
That's right. I said it.
408
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,050
-Love.
-That one seems sweet.
409
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,350
He has a kind soul.
410
00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:17,516
Yeah, and he's also super hot.
411
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:21,228
Yeah, he's hot as fucking balls.
412
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:23,799
But just to repeat,
we're looking for nice girls.
413
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:27,233
Like, girls that our mom
and our sister would like.
414
00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:30,738
Okay, look, dude,
we are going to Hawaii.
415
00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:32,340
Let's go on vacation.
416
00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:34,406
But it's not a vacation.
It's a wedding.
417
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,976
Do you really think a wedding's
the best place for me?
418
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:40,413
Since the last wedding I went to
was mine...
419
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:42,074
and it didn't turn
out very well.
420
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:43,142
I hear you, but look...
421
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,821
this shit is why this shit
is perfect, okay?
422
00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:48,151
Because ever since Luke left,
you haven't been the same.
423
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,893
You need to get over that
, once and for all.
424
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,154
And this our shot, man.
425
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,431
That dude,
he's gonna get your groove back.
426
00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:57,657
This right here is an
opportunity of a lifetime...
427
00:15:57,823 --> 00:15:59,996
and you know we are
entrepreneurs.
428
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:01,160
You know what?
429
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:03,568
Let's make these guys
take us to Hawaii!
430
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:05,402
You're right! Let's do it!
431
00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:06,565
Let's just do it!
432
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:07,667
-Yes, bitch.
-Let's fucking do it!
433
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:09,975
We'll be right back.
434
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:11,036
We gonna go to Hawaii!
435
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:13,249
We gonna go to Hawaii!
436
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:17,280
-Hold up!
-What?
437
00:16:18,677 --> 00:16:21,954
Those boys said they wanted nice
girls. We don't look like nice girls.
438
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:24,859
Yeah, I guess
I haven't showered in a while.
439
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,993
Fine, well,
you know what we're gonna do?
440
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,960
We're gonna look
respectable as fuck.
441
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:32,462
Like nice girls.
442
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,066
Dude, it's like that Jesus rag!
443
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,701
It's part of me.
444
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,480
Tatiana, your underwear
needs more underwears.
445
00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:50,320
This dress is my bitch!
446
00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:54,980
Dude, we have met
37 insane women.
447
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:57,523
We can't bring any
of these girls.
448
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,720
Maybe Dad'll just forget about
his ultimatum.
449
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,832
Why would Dad forget about
an old tomato?
450
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,027
No, his ultimatum.
451
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,362
-Old tom...
-Ultimatum.
452
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:07,560
Are you saying "old tomato"?
453
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:10,466
Ultima-tomb. Like a
tomb or a crypt.
454
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,564
Ultimatum.
455
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,940
Well, we gotta figure something out,
because the wedding's coming up quick.
456
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,580
Why is everything a competition
with you?
457
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:29,088
And I said that first,
so actually, lwon that.
458
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,090
So what time
are we meeting them?
459
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:35,027
Technically, no time.
460
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,559
Yeah, because I was thinking
about emailing them...
461
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,328
but then I was thinking...
462
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:43,371
what kind of floozy-ass bimbo
would respond to that ad?
463
00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:45,864
Us.
464
00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:48,511
Yeah, but we're not like those
idiots. You know what I'm saying?
465
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:51,477
Because they're all like,
"Pick me, pick me!"
466
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:53,772
it's like the guys
interviewing the girls.
467
00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:56,442
Like, it immediately would put
us in an inferior position.
468
00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:58,610
We're gonna flip the script
and Bachelarette that shit.
469
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:01,050
-Those guys would be lucky to have us.
-Right.
470
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:03,284
-We just gotta make them think so.
-Okay, right.
471
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:05,555
But, you know,
I'm really not good at lying...
472
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,995
because I always try to start
small and then it gets crazy...
473
00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:10,761
and I make-up stuff
that couldn't possibly be true.
474
00:18:11,056 --> 00:18:13,696
Baby, you can do this.
Let's practice, okay?
475
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,760
Okay.
476
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:15,897
-What do you like to do?
-Drink.
477
00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:18,202
Just sweet teas.
478
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,444
Sweet teas and
biscuits on blimps.
479
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,738
All right, straight up,
you don't have to do an accent.
480
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:23,936
I was doing an accent?
481
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,173
And definitely don't
bring up blimps.
482
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:26,745
Shit! They're leaving.
483
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:28,212
If it was a
competition, I won it.
484
00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,545
All right, don't worry.
485
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:31,710
It's all part of the plan.
486
00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:32,981
-Is it?
-Yeah.
487
00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:35,625
What does that mean? What plan? I
don't know this part of the plan...
488
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:38,217
Fuck!
489
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,929
Tatiana!
490
00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:42,988
Holy shit.
491
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:44,223
Babe. Are you okay?
492
00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,299
I'm okay. Yell, "She
can't breathe!"
493
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,562
She can't breathe!
494
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:49,137
She can't breathe!
Somebody help her!
495
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:50,195
Somebody give her CPR!
496
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:51,998
-She can't breathe!
-I know CPR!
497
00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:53,609
-Great!
-I was a volunteer EMT!
498
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,140
Hey, don't worry.
My brother's got this, okay?
499
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:56,870
I took a class. I
know what I'm doing.
500
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,137
-She has a weak heart!
-Ma'am?
501
00:18:58,403 --> 00:18:59,575
-Ma'am?
-She has a weak heart.
502
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:01,877
I'm an EMT.
I'm like a doctor, basically.
503
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,781
I'm here to save your
fucking life, okay?
504
00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:07,184
-She's my only friend!
-That's her only friend, Mike!
505
00:19:07,412 --> 00:19:08,550
We got a pulse! Okay.
506
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:09,854
Don't let her die!
507
00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:11,656
Don't you fucking
let her die, Mike!
508
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,854
Just shut the fuck up, Dave!
You, too, shut up!
509
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,757
Both of you, shut up! Okay?
510
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:16,855
I'm gonna save her life!
511
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:20,959
Plug the nose.
512
00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:28,244
Are you okay?
513
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,107
I am now.
514
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,472
-I saved her life!
-She's okay!
515
00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:35,118
-She's okay?
-I saved her life!
516
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:37,843
Thank you! Thank you!
517
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,354
-You're under arrest.
-She hit my car!
518
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:41,786
No, you guys,
I'm totally fine, really.
519
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:42,985
It happens all the time.
520
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,560
That was a vicious hit. We
should take you to the hospital.
521
00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:47,560
It's crazy. It's almost
like I owe you my life.
522
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,296
-Almost.
-Yeah. Technically, yeah.
523
00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:52,526
-Let me help you with that ice.
-I do.
524
00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:53,759
No.
525
00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:55,532
Seems like it's going
pretty well with your guy.
526
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,402
Dude, I'm fucking crushing it!
So hard!
527
00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,873
Check this out.
528
00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:02,975
The kids in my class
are gonna love this story.
529
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:04,739
I'm a school teacher.
530
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:08,982
You're a school teacher?
531
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:11,883
Oop. I think they spelt
"frittata" wrong on the menu.
532
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,751
I always notice words
and spelling...
533
00:20:13,912 --> 00:20:15,585
because I'm a teacher...
534
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:17,588
and that's what I do.
535
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,224
That's...
536
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,887
So, Alice, what do you do?
537
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:23,859
Manage a hedge fund.
538
00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:25,327
You manage a hedge fund?
539
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,595
I don't even know
what a hedge fund is.
540
00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:30,262
So there's a regular fund,
and then there's a hedge fund.
541
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,500
And our fund...
542
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:34,402
We hedge it.
543
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:35,901
We hedge it hard.
544
00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,373
I get in, in the morning,
and I'm like...
545
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:42,348
"How's the hedging coming? You
been hedging? You hedged much?"
546
00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,815
And it's like, too big to fail.
547
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,954
Corporate greed, bailouts.
548
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,217
In a New York minute,
everything can change.
549
00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:52,393
On the floor of the
NASDAQ and the U.N.
550
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:53,756
And then, Fannie Mae.
551
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,763
Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley...
552
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,094
-Alice, you want some water?
-Yeah.
553
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,165
-That's so smart.
-That is.
554
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,200
"But what I do have...
555
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,468
"is a particular set of skills.
556
00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:07,100
"Skills I have acquired
over a very long career.
557
00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:10,243
"Skills that make me a nightmare
for people like you."
558
00:21:12,037 --> 00:21:13,107
Click. That's it.
559
00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:14,476
That was amazing.
560
00:21:14,539 --> 00:21:15,984
It was like Dave was
not even here...
561
00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:18,052
and I was just standing in a bar
with Liam Neeson.
562
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:19,655
Like, "Hello, Liam
Neeson's over here."
563
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,323
You're a professional comedian
or something?
564
00:21:22,481 --> 00:21:25,291
What? No.
I sell liquor with my brother.
565
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,451
Yeah.
566
00:21:26,718 --> 00:21:28,425
-I do like to draw.
-Yeah?
567
00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:30,066
Yeah, I have drawings here
I could show you.
568
00:21:30,889 --> 00:21:31,993
Shit, not that. Sorry.
569
00:21:32,157 --> 00:21:34,296
Here. So, they're
like The Avengers...
570
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,166
but they're different
types of alcohol.
571
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:39,499
So, you have Tequila, and then
he's got his pet worm right there.
572
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:41,573
And his name is Lil' Mez.
573
00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:43,345
Because he'II "Mez" you up.
574
00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:45,209
The next one right
there, that's Gin.
575
00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:47,443
When he flips his cap off,
dawg, he's just like...
576
00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:50,453
"Yo, I'll pop you off.
Guaranteed. One knock."
577
00:21:50,742 --> 00:21:51,812
Done.
578
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,422
Next, Whiskey.
579
00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:54,546
Likes to make moonshine
580
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,284
and kill bad guys.
581
00:21:56,448 --> 00:21:58,325
Dude, this is
objectively amazing.
582
00:21:58,383 --> 00:21:59,521
Thanks.
583
00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:01,961
What's the hardest thing
about being a teacher?
584
00:22:02,621 --> 00:22:03,622
I don't know.
585
00:22:06,925 --> 00:22:09,906
The hardest thing
about being a teacher...
586
00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:11,065
is teaching cursive.
587
00:22:11,363 --> 00:22:12,637
That's awesome.
588
00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:14,539
-What about you?
-Yeah?
589
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,475
-Are you seeing anyone?
-No.
590
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,978
My ex is gone. Long gone.
591
00:22:19,037 --> 00:22:20,038
What do you mean?
592
00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:22,049
He died. Of cancer.
593
00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:23,342
My God.
594
00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:24,509
And AIDS.
595
00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:25,977
He died twice?
596
00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:28,655
And then he died
in a plane crash, so...
597
00:22:29,214 --> 00:22:31,125
That's a lot to take in.
598
00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:33,229
I know!
599
00:22:33,752 --> 00:22:34,787
Thank you.
600
00:22:34,953 --> 00:22:36,455
Thank you, brotha.
601
00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:39,798
Dude.
602
00:22:39,958 --> 00:22:42,734
We should take these girls
to the wedding. Right?
603
00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:44,635
Mine's a sexy school teacher...
604
00:22:44,796 --> 00:22:47,140
and yours... hedges funds.
605
00:22:47,299 --> 00:22:48,676
-Just keep doing sexy eyes.
-Okay.
606
00:22:48,834 --> 00:22:50,245
Keep doing sexy eyes.
607
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,310
I like Alice.
608
00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:54,849
And she's smart, she's funny,
she's weird.
609
00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:58,019
We invite these girls to the
wedding, suddenly we're not losers.
610
00:22:58,176 --> 00:22:59,678
We're winners!
611
00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:03,182
Here they come.
They're coming.
612
00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:05,156
Hey, this might sound crazy...
613
00:23:05,317 --> 00:23:07,888
but our little sister is
getting married in Hawaii...
614
00:23:08,186 --> 00:23:12,157
and we wanted to know
if you guys wanted to come with.
615
00:23:13,992 --> 00:23:16,097
Can you just give
us a second to...
616
00:23:16,661 --> 00:23:17,901
Of course.
617
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:21,010
Okay, so just whisper
like we're talking it over...
618
00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:22,270
like we're not sure
if we wanna go or not.
619
00:23:22,334 --> 00:23:23,335
Like...
620
00:23:29,107 --> 00:23:30,177
What the fuck are you doing?
621
00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:31,878
I don't understand
why we're arguing!
622
00:23:31,943 --> 00:23:33,115
I thought we wanted to go.
623
00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:34,518
All right, fuck it.
Let's go to Hawaii!
624
00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:37,057
-Yes! Fuck yes!
-Hawaii!
625
00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:41,924
Yo, what you know
about gain' out?
626
00:23:41,987 --> 00:23:44,228
Head west, red Lex
TV's all up in the headrest
627
00:23:44,289 --> 00:23:46,565
Try and live it up, ride
true, a bigger truck
628
00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:49,128
Peeps a" glittered up
Stick up can, they go what?
629
00:23:49,227 --> 00:23:51,104
Jig wit it 'cuz ship
crisp, split it all
630
00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:53,336
Ho's ride, get your nut
'till I can't get it up
631
00:23:53,498 --> 00:23:56,638
Bad, bad, bad, bad boy
632
00:23:56,735 --> 00:23:58,078
You make me feel so good
633
00:23:58,136 --> 00:23:59,137
Aloha, and welcome.
634
00:23:59,304 --> 00:24:00,305
-Hi.
-Aloha.
635
00:24:00,405 --> 00:24:01,543
For real?
636
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,142
Let me get you gentlemen
checked in, yeah?
637
00:24:04,476 --> 00:24:07,320
Holy shit, this place is nice!
638
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,585
It's gonna be more nice.
639
00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:12,990
Nice girls don't show
off their ecstasy.
640
00:24:13,151 --> 00:24:14,459
One of these is a multivitamin.
641
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:15,620
Is this shit free?
642
00:24:15,787 --> 00:24:18,495
I can smoke weed out of this,
I can smoke weed out of this...
643
00:24:18,690 --> 00:24:21,830
Look at that teacher,
grabbing her apple a day.
644
00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:25,104
Look at that personality
from behind.
645
00:24:25,263 --> 00:24:27,209
It is, dare I say...
646
00:24:27,365 --> 00:24:28,844
well-rounded.
647
00:24:28,934 --> 00:24:29,935
Look at Mike.
648
00:24:30,101 --> 00:24:32,274
He looks like a funhouse mirror
version of a better looking dude...
649
00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:34,579
but he is just that dude.
650
00:24:35,774 --> 00:24:37,811
Dave, it is so on this weekend.
651
00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:40,354
I am not touching this guy
the whole weekend.
652
00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:42,822
He thinks just because he brought
me here I'm gonna sleep with him?
653
00:24:42,881 --> 00:24:43,882
Check it out.
654
00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:46,155
If this was Mike's
dick, I'd be like...
655
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:48,027
Duo, duo, duo, duo, duo...
656
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:49,621
I'd get close, but
I'd never touch it.
657
00:24:50,355 --> 00:24:52,631
They have such beautiful
flowers here.
658
00:24:52,791 --> 00:24:55,203
She's throwing out
serious vibes right now.
659
00:24:55,260 --> 00:24:56,432
I'm like, I'm hungry.
660
00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:57,701
I'm gonna butter them biscuits.
661
00:24:57,963 --> 00:24:59,636
I'm gonna haste them ham hocks.
662
00:24:59,798 --> 00:25:01,209
I'm gonna be like a sex chef.
663
00:25:01,466 --> 00:25:03,309
Mr. Grey will see you now.
664
00:25:03,668 --> 00:25:04,840
I'm gonna touch Dave.
665
00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:06,380
Every time he says
something sweet...
666
00:25:06,538 --> 00:25:09,576
I wanna get some rope and chain
in bulk from Home Depot...
667
00:25:09,741 --> 00:25:11,652
and just see where it takes us,
you know?
668
00:25:11,810 --> 00:25:13,585
That is messed up.
669
00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:15,988
Ladies, your wedding
itineraries.
670
00:25:16,147 --> 00:25:17,626
#DoingltForJeanie.
671
00:25:17,682 --> 00:25:19,559
Today, we have
the meet and greet by the pool.
672
00:25:19,684 --> 00:25:21,686
And then after that,
we have a dolphin excursion.
673
00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:23,255
Friday is the rehearsal dinner.
674
00:25:24,489 --> 00:25:26,628
That's where Dave and I are
gonna be doing our big speech.
675
00:25:26,691 --> 00:25:28,728
Will there be any downtime?
676
00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:30,567
Yeah, 'cause I gotta
keep in touch with the office.
677
00:25:30,729 --> 00:25:32,936
I gotta call my stocks
about the state of my bonds.
678
00:25:32,998 --> 00:25:33,999
It happens a lot.
679
00:25:34,266 --> 00:25:36,712
Kay, I think we are
right up here.
680
00:25:37,435 --> 00:25:40,211
Great. So which one
is me and Alice's room?
681
00:25:42,908 --> 00:25:46,253
I don't know. Are you and
Alice gonna share a room?
682
00:25:46,411 --> 00:25:48,721
Or I was thinking
that maybe you and I...
683
00:25:48,780 --> 00:25:50,521
would stay in the same room.
684
00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:55,523
That sounds interesting...
685
00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:57,689
but I don't think
it would be a good idea.
686
00:25:59,024 --> 00:26:00,025
Why not?
687
00:26:02,594 --> 00:26:05,097
Because I don't
trust myself around you.
688
00:26:05,764 --> 00:26:07,038
You can trust me.
689
00:26:07,198 --> 00:26:09,439
I do trust you.
690
00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:11,543
Let's trust each other.
691
00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:14,775
There's so much trust.
692
00:26:15,006 --> 00:26:17,316
Sorry. I didn't mean to do that.
693
00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,582
I respect you so much,
I can't wait to get you alone.
694
00:26:19,644 --> 00:26:21,920
Yeah, we're gonna cover all
the room charges and stuff...
695
00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:23,482
for up to $50 per day.
696
00:26:23,548 --> 00:26:24,652
My God.
You don't have to do that.
697
00:26:24,816 --> 00:26:26,921
I'm a very strict teacher.
698
00:26:27,118 --> 00:26:30,895
You be Michelle Pfeiffer from
Dangerous Minds, and I'll be...
699
00:26:31,056 --> 00:26:32,330
I'll be Coolio.
700
00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:34,436
Coolio's not in that movie.
701
00:26:35,827 --> 00:26:38,637
He is in song and spirit.
702
00:26:38,863 --> 00:26:41,537
I'm gonna call
a parent-teacher conference...
703
00:26:41,633 --> 00:26:44,409
and tell them
what a bad boy you are.
704
00:26:44,569 --> 00:26:45,843
Please don't tell my mommy.
705
00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:47,447
Please don't tell my daddy.
706
00:26:47,505 --> 00:26:49,507
I think Wi-Fi is
included, too, so...
707
00:26:49,574 --> 00:26:50,780
-That's always nice. Yeah.
-Yeah.
708
00:26:51,042 --> 00:26:55,047
If I were to give you a grade,
I'd give you a D.
709
00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:56,319
A big, hard D.
710
00:26:56,548 --> 00:26:57,856
Why? I deserve an A.
711
00:26:57,949 --> 00:26:59,451
What are you talking about?
712
00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:00,653
Nothing.
713
00:27:00,819 --> 00:27:02,162
In conclusion...
714
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,698
I'm gonna stay in the room...
715
00:27:04,856 --> 00:27:05,926
with Alice.
716
00:27:07,025 --> 00:27:09,027
That one, with Alice.
717
00:27:09,194 --> 00:27:10,537
Cool, cool. No doubt.
718
00:27:13,031 --> 00:27:16,103
Somebody overcooked
the soft pretzel.
719
00:27:17,335 --> 00:27:19,576
My dick is hard. That's what I'm
saying. Give me five minutes.
720
00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:22,175
My God.!
721
00:27:22,707 --> 00:27:24,380
Lift it, drop it, shake it
722
00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:27,116
It's going down for real
723
00:27:31,216 --> 00:27:33,526
It's going down for real
724
00:27:35,053 --> 00:27:36,464
Grandma, I'd like
you to meet Alice.
725
00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:39,329
She's super smart, great conversationalist,
and she works on Wall Street.
726
00:27:39,391 --> 00:27:40,734
But I'm one of the good ones.
727
00:27:40,892 --> 00:27:42,303
I think she is.
728
00:27:45,030 --> 00:27:46,236
Lam a teacher, yeah.
729
00:27:46,464 --> 00:27:49,172
And you know what? The key to
teaching children is repetition.
730
00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:51,245
You'd be surprised
how stupid they are.
731
00:28:01,079 --> 00:28:02,080
Jeanie!
732
00:28:04,649 --> 00:28:06,424
'HEY. you!
Hi! Hi!
733
00:28:06,918 --> 00:28:09,421
I'm so proud to introduce
our wedding dates...
734
00:28:09,587 --> 00:28:11,225
-Tatiana.
-And Alice.
735
00:28:12,557 --> 00:28:13,763
Hi!
736
00:28:14,726 --> 00:28:16,831
-The bride. The gorgeous bride.
-Hi.
737
00:28:17,028 --> 00:28:20,703
This weekend is all about you
being happy and not shattered.
738
00:28:20,832 --> 00:28:23,005
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
739
00:28:23,068 --> 00:28:25,241
Check out your arms. You got
some Michelle Obama arms.
740
00:28:26,037 --> 00:28:27,948
How'd you get those guns
on the plane, girl?
741
00:28:29,107 --> 00:28:30,518
Eric...
742
00:28:30,575 --> 00:28:32,282
you are two points hotter
just being next to this woman.
743
00:28:32,844 --> 00:28:34,016
Try 10 points hotter.
744
00:28:34,079 --> 00:28:36,184
-Try a million.
-That's too many points.
745
00:28:36,247 --> 00:28:37,248
And Jeanie, nice snag.
746
00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:38,383
Thank you.
747
00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:39,952
You guys
look great together, really.
748
00:28:40,151 --> 00:28:41,459
I'm liking this.
749
00:28:41,653 --> 00:28:43,530
Maybe you two will keep these
two in check a little bit.
750
00:28:43,588 --> 00:28:45,431
I think we can.
751
00:28:45,657 --> 00:28:46,931
I'll just keep him on a leash.
752
00:28:47,092 --> 00:28:48,867
Maybe don't hurt him.
753
00:28:48,927 --> 00:28:50,406
I like these girls.
754
00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:51,632
They're so fun.
755
00:28:51,796 --> 00:28:53,901
Unlike my maid of honor.
756
00:28:54,099 --> 00:28:55,169
She's having a time.
757
00:28:55,300 --> 00:28:56,404
How is ol' Becky Grammerstein?
758
00:28:56,601 --> 00:28:57,602
She's coming.
759
00:28:57,736 --> 00:28:59,044
-Jeanie.
-Hey.
760
00:28:59,204 --> 00:29:00,581
I'm in crisis mode.
761
00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:02,377
I ordered Prosecco for
the mani-pedis...
762
00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:03,644
and all they have is champagne!
763
00:29:03,808 --> 00:29:04,809
Aren't they the same thing?
764
00:29:05,043 --> 00:29:07,455
-No. No, they're not. No.
-No?
765
00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:09,752
Hello, Michael.
766
00:29:09,914 --> 00:29:10,915
Hi, Dave.
767
00:29:11,382 --> 00:29:14,886
Look, I'm trying to make
your dreams come true, okay?
768
00:29:15,086 --> 00:29:16,121
-Right.
-What?
769
00:29:16,254 --> 00:29:18,097
If this is bad news,
I'm gonna eat your ass.
770
00:29:18,156 --> 00:29:19,226
-Sorry.
-Okay.
771
00:29:19,290 --> 00:29:21,236
Purple. It better be purple.
772
00:29:21,659 --> 00:29:23,639
I should probably
go see to that.
773
00:29:23,795 --> 00:29:24,796
-You'll come?
-Yeah.
774
00:29:24,963 --> 00:29:26,237
Thank you so much
for being here.
775
00:29:26,397 --> 00:29:29,344
Guys, good job with these two.
776
00:29:29,501 --> 00:29:30,980
Mahala.
777
00:29:31,169 --> 00:29:32,409
Bye, Jeanie.
778
00:29:32,570 --> 00:29:33,571
Jeanie likes the girls.
779
00:29:33,738 --> 00:29:34,944
Jeanie likes the girls
780
00:29:35,140 --> 00:29:36,642
Talk about Jeanie
Jeanie likes the girls
781
00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,584
Because it's a" about
Jeanie likes the girls
782
00:29:38,643 --> 00:29:40,748
Oil, yeah, Jeanie likes
the girls -Com e on!
783
00:29:40,845 --> 00:29:42,324
-It's a" about Jeanie
-Likes the girls
784
00:29:42,380 --> 00:29:45,224
-it's all about Jeanie likes the girls!
-Mike. Where are the girls?
785
00:29:45,283 --> 00:29:46,489
-Hello!
-I'm Alice.
786
00:29:46,718 --> 00:29:47,856
I just I wanna give you a hug.
787
00:29:47,919 --> 00:29:49,364
It's so nice to meet you.
788
00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:50,795
Fucking A. You
distracted me, man.
789
00:29:50,989 --> 00:29:52,991
This dress is lucky to
be on you. Those pins!
790
00:29:53,124 --> 00:29:54,194
-My Mike?
-Yes.
791
00:29:54,359 --> 00:29:55,531
-I can't...
-He did.
792
00:29:55,693 --> 00:29:57,366
That's fantastic.
793
00:29:57,595 --> 00:29:59,233
Mike, Tatiana was
just telling me...
794
00:29:59,330 --> 00:30:00,775
that you saved her life.
795
00:30:00,932 --> 00:30:02,206
I most certainly did, Father.
796
00:30:02,433 --> 00:30:05,175
You see how great it is
to have nice girls around?
797
00:30:05,236 --> 00:30:06,510
I mean, these are nice girls.
798
00:30:06,571 --> 00:30:07,709
Absolutely.
799
00:30:07,839 --> 00:30:08,977
They are. And we
brought them, so...
800
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:10,314
Excuse me.
801
00:30:10,508 --> 00:30:11,509
Excuse me.
802
00:30:11,576 --> 00:30:12,577
See you in a minute.
Honey, come on.
803
00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:14,817
Can I get everybody's attention?
Could we gather around?
804
00:30:14,879 --> 00:30:16,256
-My God.
-My God!
805
00:30:16,381 --> 00:30:18,156
We're killing this shit!
We're killing.
806
00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:19,488
Mom and Dad like the girls!
807
00:30:20,718 --> 00:30:22,129
Mom andDad/ike the girls
808
00:30:22,287 --> 00:30:26,793
Hi, I'm Keith. I'm Eric's
best man, his cousin...
809
00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:28,960
and his best friend.
810
00:30:29,194 --> 00:30:30,639
Welcome to the meet and greet!
811
00:30:32,030 --> 00:30:33,338
Yeah!
812
00:30:33,565 --> 00:30:34,669
Put your hands together...
813
00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:37,973
for Eric and his
lovely bride, Jeanie.
814
00:30:38,036 --> 00:30:39,709
Give it up!
815
00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,010
Jeanie!
816
00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:44,642
Hey, everybody. A big thank you
to my new family, the Stangles.
817
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:45,913
We love you, Eric!
818
00:30:45,977 --> 00:30:47,012
Thank you.
819
00:30:47,078 --> 00:30:49,217
And to my own family,
I must say...
820
00:30:50,215 --> 00:30:51,888
Portland, Oregon in the house!
821
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:56,332
I'm really happy to finally
make you all my ahana...
822
00:30:56,487 --> 00:30:57,864
which means "family."
823
00:30:58,022 --> 00:31:00,059
And as the Hawaiians say...
824
00:31:00,225 --> 00:31:01,431
Kale maluna!
825
00:31:01,593 --> 00:31:04,665
Which translates loosely
into "bottoms up."
826
00:31:04,829 --> 00:31:07,537
But more closely translated,
it actually means...
827
00:31:07,765 --> 00:31:10,177
"your butts to the sky"...
828
00:31:10,235 --> 00:31:11,839
which is inappropriate.
829
00:31:13,171 --> 00:31:14,707
This is gonna be magic.
830
00:31:15,340 --> 00:31:18,583
Thank you all again,
so much, for being here.
831
00:31:18,743 --> 00:31:22,418
We are so happy
to have you at our wedding.
832
00:31:22,947 --> 00:31:26,724
Wedding. Wedding. Wedding.
833
00:31:27,285 --> 00:31:28,923
-Put the mic on the stand.
-The stand.
834
00:31:30,255 --> 00:31:32,394
-Alice.
-Where are you going?
835
00:31:32,457 --> 00:31:33,458
Hi! What happened?
836
00:31:33,524 --> 00:31:35,595
You sort of zoned out for a sec.
What's up? You okay?
837
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,138
Yeah! We're at a wedding.
Wedding. Wedding.
838
00:31:38,529 --> 00:31:40,065
You just said "wedding"
three times.
839
00:31:40,131 --> 00:31:41,235
I'm fine. Yeah!
840
00:31:41,299 --> 00:31:43,074
Let's just forget about
the past, and move on.
841
00:31:43,368 --> 00:31:44,972
To the bar!
842
00:31:45,069 --> 00:31:46,343
To the bar?
843
00:31:50,775 --> 00:31:52,220
I don't think these are shots.
844
00:31:52,377 --> 00:31:53,947
I mean, we're drinking 'em
like they're shots...
845
00:31:54,045 --> 00:31:56,286
but I don't think they're
supposed to be drunk like that.
846
00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:58,393
Your face is funny.
847
00:32:15,233 --> 00:32:16,974
Hey, Mike.
848
00:32:17,235 --> 00:32:18,805
I was just talking
to my new friend, Tatiana.
849
00:32:18,870 --> 00:32:20,076
Tatiana, this is
my cousin, Mike.
850
00:32:20,238 --> 00:32:22,445
She knows who I am.
She's my date.
851
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,348
Why would someone this
attractive ever be with you?
852
00:32:25,643 --> 00:32:27,850
Are you gonna hit on my date all
weekend, like bisexual Fonzie?
853
00:32:28,079 --> 00:32:29,990
I don't think it's gonna take
all weekend. Am I right?
854
00:32:30,448 --> 00:32:31,688
So, you guys are cousins?
855
00:32:31,849 --> 00:32:33,590
She's been jealous of me
since I was a little kid.
856
00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:35,196
What could I possibly
be jealous of?
857
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,596
Your outfit looks like Jimmy
Buffet's dust ruffle.
858
00:32:37,855 --> 00:32:40,028
Do you guys always do this?
859
00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:41,965
Okay, this is actually
a very fashion-forward outfit.
860
00:32:42,126 --> 00:32:44,606
No, you look like the wallpaper
from a Long John Silver's bathroom.
861
00:32:44,796 --> 00:32:46,366
Cool.
I'm gonna hit the buffet now...
862
00:32:46,531 --> 00:32:50,172
while you guys do
whatever it is you're doing.
863
00:32:52,103 --> 00:32:53,275
Okay?
864
00:32:53,338 --> 00:32:54,339
Good idea.
865
00:32:55,673 --> 00:32:56,811
Look at that.
866
00:32:56,975 --> 00:32:59,012
Pink little ass just
bouncing away, saying...
867
00:32:59,077 --> 00:33:02,615
Terry, come getme
Terry, come get me
868
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:03,784
No, it's saying...
869
00:33:03,848 --> 00:33:07,853
Mike, crawl up in this
Mike, cra wl up in this
870
00:33:08,019 --> 00:33:09,794
What's up, double trouble?
871
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,228
Terry. Cousin of the bride.
872
00:33:11,289 --> 00:33:12,529
Get at me later,
we'll make a Terry sandwich.
873
00:33:12,690 --> 00:33:14,169
Don't touch her.
She has chlamydia.
874
00:33:14,325 --> 00:33:15,463
-Everybody does.
-No.
875
00:33:15,893 --> 00:33:16,894
Not everyone does.
876
00:33:17,562 --> 00:33:20,008
Saw you and Dave are doing your speech
together at the rehearsal dinner.
877
00:33:21,132 --> 00:33:23,669
I'm going to bring the
house down with my speech.
878
00:33:23,935 --> 00:33:25,676
And why do you think
you're such a hotshot?
879
00:33:25,803 --> 00:33:26,975
You know Chris Rock?
880
00:33:27,739 --> 00:33:29,741
He's my neighbor.
Practiced my speech on him.
881
00:33:30,208 --> 00:33:32,347
And he gave me seven
killer jokes.
882
00:33:33,678 --> 00:33:36,022
Suck on that, cousin.
883
00:33:36,647 --> 00:33:37,682
Terry out.
884
00:33:37,749 --> 00:33:40,559
Chris Rock? Fuck!
That sounds awesome.
885
00:33:46,391 --> 00:33:48,268
Yas, yas, yas.
886
00:33:52,563 --> 00:33:55,567
My God. You were right.
These cheeseburgers are amazing.
887
00:33:55,733 --> 00:33:56,871
I know.
888
00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:58,878
Being a good girl is hard.
889
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:00,948
I know. It sucks.
890
00:34:01,939 --> 00:34:04,920
You were hitting that booze
too hard for a nice girl.
891
00:34:05,109 --> 00:34:06,486
You need to get Luke
out of your head.
892
00:34:06,611 --> 00:34:08,386
-Yeah.
-You do.
893
00:34:08,546 --> 00:34:10,958
And what better
way to do that...
894
00:34:11,215 --> 00:34:13,889
than good old-fashioned
dick flicks.
895
00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,191
-Yes.
-God.
896
00:34:18,456 --> 00:34:21,630
Tatiana. Mike Stangle.
897
00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:23,795
From the meet and greet.
Well, from before that.
898
00:34:23,961 --> 00:34:25,440
One second.
899
00:34:25,530 --> 00:34:26,531
Fuck.
900
00:34:27,765 --> 00:34:29,938
Hey. it's you.
901
00:34:30,101 --> 00:34:31,205
It is me.
902
00:34:31,369 --> 00:34:36,717
I was hoping maybe I could come in
and we could watch a movie or...
903
00:34:37,942 --> 00:34:39,922
Do whatever you wanna do.
904
00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:41,181
Why are you whispering?
905
00:34:41,312 --> 00:34:43,451
'Cause that's what we
were doing before.
906
00:34:43,614 --> 00:34:44,649
They've got Cockbusters.
907
00:34:44,882 --> 00:34:46,793
Is that supposed to be
like Ghostbusters?
908
00:34:46,884 --> 00:34:48,830
Why would you wanna
get rid of the cocks?
909
00:34:49,053 --> 00:34:50,794
-What's that?
-She's talking in her sleep.
910
00:34:50,955 --> 00:34:53,799
She says the craziest stuff
in her sleep.
911
00:34:53,891 --> 00:34:56,064
It looks like his dick is gonna
pop. It's so veiny and hard.
912
00:34:56,127 --> 00:34:57,128
-Tatiana!
-Something's hard?
913
00:34:57,295 --> 00:34:58,433
Julio. My student.
914
00:34:58,596 --> 00:35:00,132
I'm doing a Skype class
session with him...
915
00:35:00,298 --> 00:35:02,403
and he's having a really
hard time in the schoolyard.
916
00:35:02,533 --> 00:35:04,035
If you don't get in here,
I'm gonna start masturbating!
917
00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:05,604
Phooey. I've gotta go.
918
00:35:05,770 --> 00:35:07,340
That sounds like you guys are,
watching porno, or...
919
00:35:07,405 --> 00:35:08,406
-No.
-Tatiana!
920
00:35:08,473 --> 00:35:09,474
Does it smell like weed in here?
921
00:35:09,574 --> 00:35:11,451
-You guys smoking weed?
-No. It was a skunk.
922
00:35:11,609 --> 00:35:14,112
I've gotta go, because a bunch
of kids are waiting to hear...
923
00:35:14,278 --> 00:35:15,985
if they've failed
second grade or not.
924
00:35:16,147 --> 00:35:19,185
Well, I am doing
some grading myself, and girl...
925
00:35:19,350 --> 00:35:21,830
you are getting an A plus.
926
00:35:21,886 --> 00:35:22,887
Thank you so much.
927
00:35:56,387 --> 00:35:58,560
-And then win!
-Skills. Def skills.
928
00:35:58,623 --> 00:36:00,125
Cheers to Tatiana and Alice.
929
00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:01,429
We're so glad you're here.
930
00:36:02,793 --> 00:36:03,863
Yes. Cheers.
931
00:36:04,028 --> 00:36:06,133
You guys, Alice and I found
this really cool thing.
932
00:36:06,297 --> 00:36:08,004
Jurassic Park ATV Tours!
933
00:36:09,066 --> 00:36:11,239
Y on ride ATV s
where they shot Jurassic Park.
934
00:36:11,469 --> 00:36:15,645
Actually, we are about to go
swimming with the dolphins.
935
00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:17,983
It's on the itinerary, so...
936
00:36:18,209 --> 00:36:20,086
But, guys, Jurassic P!
937
00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:21,589
I love this movie!
938
00:36:21,746 --> 00:36:24,249
My gosh, on ATVs,
this would be so sick.
939
00:36:24,415 --> 00:36:25,655
"Welcome...
940
00:36:25,816 --> 00:36:28,558
"...to Jurassic Park."
941
00:36:28,653 --> 00:36:29,757
"That is a big pile of shit."
942
00:36:29,921 --> 00:36:31,229
"You're not so
scary, little guy."
943
00:36:38,362 --> 00:36:39,670
What is going on here?
944
00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:45,573
I wish we could do that...
945
00:36:45,736 --> 00:36:47,579
but we have a date
with the dolphins...
946
00:36:47,738 --> 00:36:49,081
at the bottom of
the ocean, so...
947
00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:51,686
Don't you think we should do
what Jeanie wants to do?
948
00:36:51,842 --> 00:36:53,378
I mean, it is her
wedding after all.
949
00:36:53,544 --> 00:36:54,750
Right, Mike?
950
00:37:24,041 --> 00:37:25,987
I'm so happy we're here!
951
00:37:26,143 --> 00:37:28,589
This is where the dinos
ran in the prairie!
952
00:37:28,746 --> 00:37:29,747
I know, girl!
953
00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:32,087
Check it out! I'm
a brontosaurus!
954
00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:34,287
I'm a T-Rex. I'm
coming to get you!
955
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,298
Guys, butts on seats, okay?
No hot dogging!
956
00:37:43,995 --> 00:37:45,474
"They're flocking this way!"
957
00:37:46,864 --> 00:37:48,366
Here's a T-Rex!
958
00:37:48,666 --> 00:37:50,441
"Life finds a way."
959
00:37:59,744 --> 00:38:01,746
Jeanie! Eric!
960
00:38:01,846 --> 00:38:03,325
Hey!
961
00:38:03,447 --> 00:38:06,360
Hi! Sorry, I lost Eric.
962
00:38:06,517 --> 00:38:09,623
Iwasn't lost. Just driving
at a reasonable pace.
963
00:38:09,887 --> 00:38:11,127
Stay there. We'll come to you.
964
00:38:11,622 --> 00:38:14,603
All right, we better go around.
This ledge looks super dangerous.
965
00:38:14,759 --> 00:38:16,966
Yeah, Mike's right.
It does look dangerous.
966
00:38:17,528 --> 00:38:20,134
It's a good thing my middle name
is "dangerous!"
967
00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:21,299
Yeah, it is!
968
00:38:27,672 --> 00:38:29,151
-God!
-What?
969
00:38:31,776 --> 00:38:33,414
My God, she's Superman!
970
00:38:38,282 --> 00:38:39,454
My God!
971
00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:40,824
A-Money!
972
00:38:46,357 --> 00:38:47,802
I still think we
should go around.
973
00:38:47,925 --> 00:38:50,201
She just got some
serious air, bro!
974
00:38:50,294 --> 00:38:53,070
You call that serious air?
Check this fucking shit out.
975
00:38:54,398 --> 00:38:56,275
Suck my d', tuckers!
976
00:39:01,205 --> 00:39:02,240
Not again.
977
00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:04,241
Yeah, baby!
978
00:39:04,308 --> 00:39:06,481
Easy does it. Nothing fancy.
979
00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:14,489
-My God. Look at what she's doing!
-I see it!
980
00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:16,687
Sweet candied nuts.
981
00:39:21,826 --> 00:39:23,362
Who are these girls?
982
00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:30,937
Where did you guys
learn to do that?
983
00:39:31,102 --> 00:39:32,877
We lived in Baja.
984
00:39:32,937 --> 00:39:34,610
Tore up a lot of
trail down there.
985
00:39:34,872 --> 00:39:36,112
Made a lot of friends.
986
00:39:36,774 --> 00:39:38,276
Made even more enemies.
987
00:39:38,442 --> 00:39:39,614
God, I miss Baja.
988
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:44,621
Your turn, Mike!
Don't be a pussy!
989
00:39:45,349 --> 00:39:48,558
I'm not gonna do it. Name calling
doesn't work on me, so...
990
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:51,461
Mike, it'll turn me on
if you take that jump.
991
00:39:51,622 --> 00:39:53,397
Turn me on if you don't.
992
00:39:53,557 --> 00:39:55,559
Still not going to, still.
993
00:39:55,726 --> 00:39:56,727
I'm not gonna do it.
994
00:39:56,894 --> 00:39:58,032
Like we would ever do that.
995
00:39:58,229 --> 00:39:59,970
No way.
996
00:40:00,030 --> 00:40:01,031
Come on! Do it.
997
00:40:01,198 --> 00:40:02,472
He's not gonna do it. Do it!
998
00:40:02,633 --> 00:40:04,112
Do not do it.
999
00:40:04,268 --> 00:40:05,906
No, definitely don't do that.
1000
00:40:06,137 --> 00:40:08,014
It's a bad idea. it's a stupid,
dumb idea.
1001
00:40:08,105 --> 00:40:10,244
-And it's dangerous, and it's foolish.
-Yes, it is.
1002
00:40:10,775 --> 00:40:11,981
I'm gonna do it!
1003
00:40:13,644 --> 00:40:14,679
Mike!
1004
00:40:16,714 --> 00:40:17,818
Shit!
1005
00:40:19,617 --> 00:40:20,789
I'm never gonna die!
1006
00:40:23,954 --> 00:40:25,695
-Shit.
-He going fast.
1007
00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:27,394
No. Keep it straight!
1008
00:40:31,362 --> 00:40:32,397
He's shanking it.
1009
00:40:35,599 --> 00:40:36,976
Got it, got it!
1010
00:40:42,173 --> 00:40:43,481
No, God!
1011
00:40:43,607 --> 00:40:44,642
Jeanie, move!
1012
00:40:47,645 --> 00:40:48,988
No!
1013
00:40:49,146 --> 00:40:50,181
No!
1014
00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:51,950
No!
1015
00:40:52,082 --> 00:40:53,356
No!
1016
00:41:14,805 --> 00:41:17,115
It's gonna be fine.
1017
00:41:17,575 --> 00:41:19,646
Your face is making me think
it's gonna be bad.
1018
00:41:19,710 --> 00:41:21,621
I'm sure it's not as
bad as you think.
1019
00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:22,714
-You know?
-No. Yeah.
1020
00:41:22,780 --> 00:41:23,918
Just show us
what we're working with,
1021
00:41:24,048 --> 00:41:25,083
and it'll be fine.
1022
00:41:25,149 --> 00:41:26,150
-0kay_
-Okay?
1023
00:41:26,717 --> 00:41:27,821
Is it okay?
1024
00:41:27,885 --> 00:41:29,421
-My God!
-God!
1025
00:41:29,753 --> 00:41:32,199
Don't you look good?
1026
00:41:34,024 --> 00:41:35,867
-Your face!
-Shut up, Mike!
1027
00:41:35,993 --> 00:41:37,802
You shut up, Becky!
Have you seen her face?
1028
00:41:37,962 --> 00:41:39,805
God! What?
1029
00:41:39,964 --> 00:41:42,240
It looks like you were making
meth, and the bathtub exploded.
1030
00:41:43,467 --> 00:41:44,810
You look like Burn
Victim Barbie.
1031
00:41:45,202 --> 00:41:46,510
Hush it up!
1032
00:41:46,670 --> 00:41:47,842
And you're Black Ken.
1033
00:41:47,905 --> 00:41:49,851
-stop!
-Okay_
1034
00:41:50,007 --> 00:41:52,078
it's like an
exaggerated smoky eye.
1035
00:41:52,142 --> 00:41:54,144
Dave, be honest. Is it bad?
1036
00:41:54,912 --> 00:41:57,085
This side, there's a little...
1037
00:41:57,181 --> 00:41:59,320
-There's a little discoloration there.
-Little discoloration.
1038
00:41:59,383 --> 00:42:00,521
Which side is it?
1039
00:42:00,751 --> 00:42:01,923
You could do a dance
the whole night
1040
00:42:01,986 --> 00:42:03,522
where you just hold a
hand over your face.
1041
00:42:03,654 --> 00:42:04,655
-That's smart.
-Okay.
1042
00:42:04,822 --> 00:42:05,823
It's like a new thing.
1043
00:42:05,990 --> 00:42:07,833
Do the Jeanie
Do the Jeanie
1044
00:42:08,058 --> 00:42:09,696
Like this?
1045
00:42:09,927 --> 00:42:11,736
-Come on, everybody! Do the Jeanie.
-Do it.
1046
00:42:11,929 --> 00:42:13,306
-I'm doing the Jeanie.
-Do the Jeanie, y'all.
1047
00:42:13,397 --> 00:42:14,432
It's a one-two step.
1048
00:42:14,565 --> 00:42:16,374
All right, that's enough.
1049
00:42:16,634 --> 00:42:18,238
Enough dancing!
You and you...
1050
00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:19,746
outside, now!
1051
00:42:19,904 --> 00:42:21,110
Honey, calm down.
1052
00:42:22,907 --> 00:42:24,409
-Honey, calm down.
-Sorry.
1053
00:42:24,575 --> 00:42:26,919
Do you understand they've
deformed our little girl...
1054
00:42:27,077 --> 00:42:29,216
the day before her
goddamn wedding?
1055
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:31,619
She looks like Seal,
for Christ's sake!
1056
00:42:31,682 --> 00:42:33,525
Why, Dad?
1057
00:42:35,686 --> 00:42:37,029
Do you think he's
gonna spank us?
1058
00:42:37,187 --> 00:42:38,188
What?
1059
00:42:38,956 --> 00:42:39,957
Never mind.
1060
00:42:40,057 --> 00:42:42,037
I haven't seen him this pissed
in a long time.
1061
00:42:42,092 --> 00:42:43,127
OOP...
1062
00:42:43,227 --> 00:42:45,036
Yeah. it's the other door.
1063
00:42:45,963 --> 00:42:47,067
They meet in the middle.
1064
00:42:47,131 --> 00:42:48,735
-They meet in the middle.
-God damn it!
1065
00:42:50,935 --> 00:42:53,313
Dad, listen.
I know what you're gonna say.
1066
00:42:53,437 --> 00:42:55,713
-You're right.
-We're gonna sue the ATV companies.
1067
00:42:55,773 --> 00:42:56,979
-Right?
-I Sea.
1068
00:42:57,107 --> 00:42:58,108
Not what I was gonna say.
1069
00:42:58,242 --> 00:42:59,482
Let's Erin Brockovich
this bitch.
1070
00:42:59,643 --> 00:43:01,213
Mike, stop!
1071
00:43:01,378 --> 00:43:03,619
You've got to own this.
This is your fault.
1072
00:43:03,681 --> 00:43:04,682
It's not.
1073
00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:07,252
If anything, it's
the girls' fault.
1074
00:43:07,518 --> 00:43:08,826
They're crazy.
1075
00:43:08,986 --> 00:43:11,398
The girls aren't the problem!
1076
00:43:11,455 --> 00:43:12,832
You are.
1077
00:43:12,990 --> 00:43:15,129
What the hell did you think
was gonna happen?
1078
00:43:15,292 --> 00:43:16,999
What did you think
was gonna happen?
1079
00:43:17,161 --> 00:43:18,162
We had a plan.
1080
00:43:18,329 --> 00:43:20,741
The plan was to swim
with dolphins...
1081
00:43:20,898 --> 00:43:22,605
and eat bananas afterwards.
1082
00:43:22,766 --> 00:43:24,507
See, Dad, I'm not gonna
point any fingers here...
1083
00:43:24,668 --> 00:43:25,669
but indirectly...
1084
00:43:25,836 --> 00:43:28,510
we wouldn't have been on ATVs if
the girls hadn't forced us to.
1085
00:43:28,672 --> 00:43:31,118
And who made us bring dates
in the first place?
1086
00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:33,346
-Not pointing fingers.
-Yeah.
1087
00:43:33,410 --> 00:43:35,651
All right. I'm gonna take back
what I said to you earlier.
1088
00:43:35,813 --> 00:43:37,952
I am going to lump
you in together.
1089
00:43:38,115 --> 00:43:40,925
All right, you are lumped!
1090
00:43:41,585 --> 00:43:43,496
The hell is wrong with you?
1091
00:43:44,622 --> 00:43:45,999
What the hell is wrong with you?
1092
00:43:47,591 --> 00:43:48,968
Dad.
1093
00:43:51,595 --> 00:43:53,006
Fuck.
1094
00:43:55,566 --> 00:43:57,603
Everyone get the
fuck away from me.
1095
00:43:57,768 --> 00:44:00,180
Move! Adult Swim!
1096
00:44:00,337 --> 00:44:03,614
It's all fucked now. It's all
fucked, you know? Poor Jeanie.
1097
00:44:03,907 --> 00:44:05,784
Jeanie's special
weekend, and I ruin it.
1098
00:44:05,843 --> 00:44:09,416
Hey, hey, hey, Alice?
That was not your fault, okay?
1099
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,524
That's two weddings that I've ruined.
It's just like, "Stupid Alice!"
1100
00:44:12,583 --> 00:44:14,961
Look, it's too bad that
Jeanie's face got shredded...
1101
00:44:15,252 --> 00:44:16,856
but this is supposed
to be our vacay.
1102
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:18,729
Remember? We're supposed
to be having fun...
1103
00:44:18,789 --> 00:44:19,927
and going on adventures.
1104
00:44:19,990 --> 00:44:21,094
Get in here with me.
1105
00:44:21,258 --> 00:44:22,601
I'm gonna find her.
I'm gonna make it up to her.
1106
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,263
No, no! You're not listening
to me. Don't leave me!
1107
00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:36,977
Thanks again for letting me
join your spa day, ladies.
1108
00:44:37,041 --> 00:44:40,784
It's not like you asked or
anything, but you're here. Yay.
1109
00:44:41,211 --> 00:44:43,316
What did you guys do
for your bachelorette party?
1110
00:44:43,614 --> 00:44:45,491
Did it get crazy?
Did you guys do that thing...
1111
00:44:45,549 --> 00:44:48,359
where you go to Vegas and you
dress up as a prostitute...
1112
00:44:48,686 --> 00:44:50,393
and you go out and
there's a contest...
1113
00:44:50,454 --> 00:44:52,661
to see who can get the
most money from a john...
1114
00:44:52,923 --> 00:44:54,766
but then you tell him,
"I'm an undercover cop"...
1115
00:44:54,825 --> 00:44:57,863
and they, like, beg that you don't
tell their children and their wives...
1116
00:44:58,028 --> 00:45:00,668
and they piss themselves, and you've
got the whole thing on video.
1117
00:45:00,831 --> 00:45:03,903
And then you put it on YouTube and
then there's the Auto-Tune remix.
1118
00:45:04,068 --> 00:45:05,069
Did you do that thing?
1119
00:45:05,736 --> 00:45:06,806
-No.
-No.
1120
00:45:07,137 --> 00:45:11,643
I didn't actually end up
having one, so...
1121
00:45:11,809 --> 00:45:13,447
Why? Every bride
needs a bachelorette party.
1122
00:45:13,644 --> 00:45:15,817
I'm sorry Cabo didn't
work out, Jeanie.
1123
00:45:15,879 --> 00:45:17,381
I know. it's fine.
1124
00:45:17,448 --> 00:45:18,518
You know I couldn't get
the time off work.
1125
00:45:18,582 --> 00:45:20,994
And it would have ruined it for
you, down there without me.
1126
00:45:21,051 --> 00:45:22,223
Is there some
tension about this?
1127
00:45:22,286 --> 00:45:24,926
So I just thought, "Let's cancel the
whole trip," if that makes sense.
1128
00:45:24,988 --> 00:45:26,968
Jeanie, can you keep it down?
On the phone with Tokyo.
1129
00:45:27,024 --> 00:45:28,128
Did I bring up something
uncomfortable?
1130
00:45:28,192 --> 00:45:30,536
Also, I caught the shingles
because it was so stressful.
1131
00:45:32,496 --> 00:45:33,566
'Cause it feels like I did.
1132
00:45:33,630 --> 00:45:35,166
Plus they have Mexican bed bugs.
1133
00:45:37,668 --> 00:45:40,012
I need you guys to stop it!
1134
00:45:41,071 --> 00:45:43,381
That fucking gaping mouth
of yours, shut it!
1135
00:45:43,941 --> 00:45:44,942
Shut it!
1136
00:45:45,375 --> 00:45:49,118
I just want to relax!
Is that too much to ask?
1137
00:45:49,513 --> 00:45:52,119
Please! I just wanna relax.
1138
00:45:54,785 --> 00:45:56,059
How are you feeling, Jeanie?
1139
00:45:56,220 --> 00:45:57,699
A little stressed out.
1140
00:45:57,855 --> 00:46:00,699
-I'll give you a minute to disrobe.
-Yeah, okay.
1141
00:46:00,858 --> 00:46:02,929
Face down on the table.
1142
00:46:03,327 --> 00:46:06,797
Hi, that is my best
friend in there...
1143
00:46:06,864 --> 00:46:09,037
and she's getting married tomorrow,
and she's a little uptight.
1144
00:46:09,333 --> 00:46:14,476
And I was wondering if you could,
help her let loose a little bit?
1145
00:46:14,638 --> 00:46:15,673
You know?
1146
00:46:15,739 --> 00:46:20,745
Give her the "Hawaii
Five" experience?
1147
00:46:21,111 --> 00:46:23,751
The wink-wink, nudge-nudge
massage, you know?
1148
00:46:23,814 --> 00:46:27,318
I can't really wink,
but a wink-wink, nudge-nudge?
1149
00:46:27,618 --> 00:46:29,359
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
1150
00:46:29,419 --> 00:46:31,092
Looks like you had
a bit of a fit.
1151
00:46:31,288 --> 00:46:33,859
No, no. That's wink...
That's wink-wink...
1152
00:46:35,125 --> 00:46:37,332
I feel like I've gotten
what you're trying to say.
1153
00:46:37,561 --> 00:46:39,802
-Great.
-But I figured it out.
1154
00:46:39,863 --> 00:46:42,469
-You didn't really communicate it to me.
-Okay, that's fair.
1155
00:46:42,533 --> 00:46:46,379
Yes, you want the special
"lam blissful" massage?
1156
00:46:46,503 --> 00:46:48,608
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
1157
00:46:50,240 --> 00:46:52,151
-How blissful is that?
-Don't worry.
1158
00:46:52,309 --> 00:46:53,845
Physically, no penetration.
1159
00:46:53,944 --> 00:46:54,945
Classy.
1160
00:46:55,012 --> 00:46:58,016
Spiritually, I'll be doing
an intimate tour of her qi.
1161
00:46:58,315 --> 00:47:00,352
You're gonna be good in there.
I can tell.
1162
00:47:01,518 --> 00:47:02,622
How's the temperature
in here, Jeanie?
1163
00:47:03,420 --> 00:47:05,297
It's good. Good. Comfy.
1164
00:47:05,455 --> 00:47:08,800
Good. Take down the
light a little bit.
1165
00:47:08,959 --> 00:47:10,666
So you're getting married?
1166
00:47:10,928 --> 00:47:12,464
I am. Yeah.
1167
00:47:12,663 --> 00:47:15,542
I know it can be a
stressful time.
1168
00:47:15,599 --> 00:47:19,513
You know it's like, "Who is
this for, me or my family?"
1169
00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:22,116
Yeah. I've recently had
an injury to my face...
1170
00:47:22,272 --> 00:47:24,274
which I'm a little
stressed out about.
1171
00:47:24,975 --> 00:47:25,976
Are you okay with oil?
1172
00:47:26,143 --> 00:47:27,451
Yeah, sure.
1173
00:47:30,447 --> 00:47:31,721
You know, in my country...
1174
00:47:31,782 --> 00:47:35,059
they call oil "God's
beautiful lubricant."
1175
00:47:36,053 --> 00:47:38,226
It sounds better in my language.
1176
00:47:38,388 --> 00:47:41,528
Khuda Ira khubsurat lubricant.
1177
00:47:41,792 --> 00:47:43,396
That's lovely.
1178
00:47:43,460 --> 00:47:44,495
'KT!..
1179
00:47:44,561 --> 00:47:45,972
Some ground rules.
1180
00:47:46,029 --> 00:47:48,635
One, no emotions.
1181
00:47:48,699 --> 00:47:50,804
-Okay.
-Two, breathe.
1182
00:47:52,369 --> 00:47:55,509
Three, there is no penetration,
only vibration.
1183
00:47:57,808 --> 00:48:00,186
What is happening?
1184
00:48:00,544 --> 00:48:02,785
I call this "The Bent Penguin."
1185
00:48:02,946 --> 00:48:05,426
This one is just
"The Ham and Eggs."
1186
00:48:05,582 --> 00:48:08,495
This one is called
"When Moons Collide."
1187
00:48:08,652 --> 00:48:11,155
"Angry Hummingbird."
"Angry Hummingbird."
1188
00:48:11,321 --> 00:48:13,699
This one is called
"House by the Airport."
1189
00:48:13,857 --> 00:48:16,098
Just checking in.
Everything good?
1190
00:48:16,260 --> 00:48:18,934
Hope you're enjoying this. For
me, it's just another Friday.
1191
00:48:26,036 --> 00:48:27,879
"Happy Doll."
1192
00:48:28,939 --> 00:48:33,046
This one is just called
"Taking a Break." I am pooped.
1193
00:48:33,210 --> 00:48:35,952
A little break. That's nice.
1194
00:48:37,848 --> 00:48:38,986
Here we go again.
1195
00:48:40,884 --> 00:48:42,420
Are you even touching me?
1196
00:48:42,619 --> 00:48:45,099
No, but my aura is.
1197
00:48:45,389 --> 00:48:47,926
Yes, it is!
1198
00:48:47,991 --> 00:48:50,403
Sweet baby Jesus!
1199
00:49:09,513 --> 00:49:10,651
How's it going?
1200
00:49:11,181 --> 00:49:13,661
Shit, I thought I
was alone in here.
1201
00:49:13,817 --> 00:49:16,764
Yeah. You're not.
I mean, we're alone.
1202
00:49:17,354 --> 00:49:19,698
How's Mike? Still
really jealous of me?
1203
00:49:20,324 --> 00:49:24,101
It's like, yeah, okay,
do I own a Tesla? Yes.
1204
00:49:24,261 --> 00:49:26,901
Do I make a shit-ton of money,
like, way more than Mike?
1205
00:49:27,064 --> 00:49:28,372
Yes. But it's like, who cares?
1206
00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:30,603
Do I get backstage
tickets to Rihanna?
1207
00:49:30,867 --> 00:49:33,438
Do I have a glass blowing
studio in my basement?
1208
00:49:33,503 --> 00:49:35,505
Hold up, backstage
tickets to Rihanna?
1209
00:49:35,672 --> 00:49:37,583
Yeah, she likes to have
me around. You know.
1210
00:49:37,741 --> 00:49:40,688
-RiRi is Alice's jam.
-RiRi, is it?
1211
00:49:40,744 --> 00:49:41,779
-Yes.
-That's funny.
1212
00:49:41,945 --> 00:49:44,425
She would freak out if I got her
backstage tickets to Rihanna.
1213
00:49:44,581 --> 00:49:47,721
Well, you could get her tickets.
From me. I'm right here.
1214
00:49:47,884 --> 00:49:49,261
Are you serious?
1215
00:49:49,419 --> 00:49:52,730
God, steam rooms just open up
your pores, you know?
1216
00:49:53,390 --> 00:49:55,427
They open up everything.
1217
00:49:58,562 --> 00:50:02,806
Backstage at RiRi is very fun.
Sometimes she plays the DJ.
1218
00:50:02,866 --> 00:50:05,540
You know, just scratching
records. You know like...
1219
00:50:09,973 --> 00:50:11,646
Shit, man. That's...
1220
00:50:12,075 --> 00:50:15,147
Are you saying you want me to
get in there for the tickets?
1221
00:50:15,212 --> 00:50:17,954
No. No, no, no. No.
1222
00:50:18,782 --> 00:50:20,455
Yes.
1223
00:50:24,121 --> 00:50:25,464
Tatiana?
1224
00:50:26,390 --> 00:50:27,630
Tatiana?
1225
00:50:28,458 --> 00:50:31,496
Sorry about that.
Looking for my wedding date.
1226
00:50:32,062 --> 00:50:33,063
Tatiana?
1227
00:50:33,163 --> 00:50:34,301
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
1228
00:50:38,468 --> 00:50:39,503
Please leave, sir.
1229
00:50:39,669 --> 00:50:40,909
What are you doing to my sister?
1230
00:50:41,071 --> 00:50:43,608
-Mike, I'm coming.
-No!
1231
00:50:54,117 --> 00:50:55,323
Get out!
1232
00:50:59,356 --> 00:51:02,769
Sure. Sure. Sure.
1233
00:51:02,926 --> 00:51:04,769
So, are we, like, close, or...
1234
00:51:05,429 --> 00:51:07,500
Let's put the washing machine
on spin cycle. There we go.
1235
00:51:09,299 --> 00:51:10,607
What the... Tatiana!
1236
00:51:10,767 --> 00:51:11,973
Terry!
1237
00:51:12,135 --> 00:51:13,478
Terry!
1238
00:51:13,637 --> 00:51:15,878
-Tatiana!
-Shut the fuck up, Mike.
1239
00:51:19,509 --> 00:51:20,715
I'm gonna kick your ass.
1240
00:51:23,814 --> 00:51:25,225
He is losing this fight!
1241
00:51:27,551 --> 00:51:29,428
God! I can see your nipple!
1242
00:51:33,557 --> 00:51:34,661
Get your butt out of my face!
1243
00:51:39,729 --> 00:51:42,972
Well, thank you so much.
1244
00:51:43,500 --> 00:51:45,036
I definitely needed this.
1245
00:51:45,202 --> 00:51:48,012
I know. Bring this gift
into your marriage.
1246
00:51:48,572 --> 00:51:52,247
-All you need is load-bearing ribbons.
-Okay.
1247
00:51:52,409 --> 00:51:54,912
And a reinforced ceiling.
1248
00:51:54,978 --> 00:51:56,252
I should warn you...
1249
00:51:56,379 --> 00:52:00,452
you may experience some
aftershock orgasms.
1250
00:52:02,052 --> 00:52:05,226
So, I wouldn't operate any heavy
machinery for a couple weeks.
1251
00:52:05,388 --> 00:52:07,994
That is not a euphemism
for penis. I mean like...
1252
00:52:08,158 --> 00:52:12,607
-tractors, cranes, big boats.
-Okay.
1253
00:52:12,762 --> 00:52:14,435
Good to know.
1254
00:52:14,598 --> 00:52:16,942
-And please hydrate.
-Okay.
1255
00:52:17,100 --> 00:52:21,173
I cannot stress this enough.
The consequences could be...
1256
00:52:22,439 --> 00:52:23,884
You could develop cancer.
1257
00:52:25,408 --> 00:52:26,716
You have a very good friend.
1258
00:52:32,082 --> 00:52:34,562
Wait, you did that?
1259
00:52:34,918 --> 00:52:37,831
Yeah, well, I felt so bad
about your fucked up face...
1260
00:52:37,888 --> 00:52:39,299
and I wanted to
make it up to you.
1261
00:52:39,923 --> 00:52:41,266
Thank you.
1262
00:52:41,591 --> 00:52:44,435
Hey, who needs a bachelorette
party when they have you around?
1263
00:52:45,795 --> 00:52:47,706
-He rubbed my butt.
-Yeah?
1264
00:52:47,764 --> 00:52:49,539
But with his butt.
1265
00:52:49,699 --> 00:52:52,305
It was like...
He was on ribbons.
1266
00:52:53,603 --> 00:52:55,207
I don't know what you did
with Jeanie in the spa...
1267
00:52:55,272 --> 00:52:56,876
but she's in a great mood.
1268
00:52:56,940 --> 00:52:59,443
Yeah, no problem.
She just needed a release.
1269
00:52:59,609 --> 00:53:01,953
I had an idea for
your graphic novel.
1270
00:53:02,112 --> 00:53:04,388
I thought you could do
like a Rum character,
1271
00:53:04,447 --> 00:53:05,949
who's like Rastafarian,
and he's like...
1272
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:09,819
"I'm Rum Rum, get in my tum-tum,
and I play the steel drum."
1273
00:53:11,054 --> 00:53:12,590
"You can rum,
but you cannot hide, mon."
1274
00:53:12,756 --> 00:53:15,259
Yeah, that's awesome.
Already, that's so amazing.
1275
00:53:15,425 --> 00:53:17,735
No, that's such a good idea.
How did I not think of that?
1276
00:53:19,763 --> 00:53:23,802
I think when I get back, I'm gonna
stop selling liquor with Mike...
1277
00:53:23,967 --> 00:53:25,446
and start drawing full time.
1278
00:53:25,602 --> 00:53:27,081
-Really?
-Yeah.
1279
00:53:27,237 --> 00:53:28,739
That's amazing.
1280
00:53:28,905 --> 00:53:31,112
Do you know how few people
know what they really wanna do?
1281
00:53:31,274 --> 00:53:33,447
But then I think about what Mike's
gonna think about it all...
1282
00:53:33,510 --> 00:53:35,490
and he's gonna hate that idea.
1283
00:53:35,645 --> 00:53:37,352
He's so clingy.
1284
00:53:37,514 --> 00:53:40,358
When we were kids,
if I fell asleep before Mike...
1285
00:53:40,417 --> 00:53:42,488
he would always wake me up
so he wouldn't feel alone.
1286
00:53:42,652 --> 00:53:44,495
-That's kinda sweet.
-Yeah.
1287
00:53:44,654 --> 00:53:46,292
I don't know. I just...
1288
00:53:50,093 --> 00:53:51,470
Do you ever get that feeling...
1289
00:53:51,628 --> 00:53:55,132
that you're not good enough
to get what you really want...
1290
00:53:55,298 --> 00:53:57,107
so you're too scared to try?
1291
00:53:58,835 --> 00:54:00,143
All the time.
1292
00:54:00,837 --> 00:54:03,613
-Really?
-Like, all the time. it's terrifying.
1293
00:54:03,773 --> 00:54:05,650
-It is, it's terrifying.
-Yeah.
1294
00:54:05,809 --> 00:54:06,810
You're, like, stuck.
1295
00:54:06,977 --> 00:54:08,615
-Totally.
-Yeah.
1296
00:54:08,778 --> 00:54:10,280
Thanks. it's nice talking to you
about this.
1297
00:54:23,660 --> 00:54:25,105
Hey. where you going?
1298
00:54:25,161 --> 00:54:27,573
Is there a gang bang in the
ballroom you need to emcee?
1299
00:54:27,631 --> 00:54:29,110
Don't be such a drama king.
1300
00:54:29,199 --> 00:54:30,906
Yeah, I'm totally overreacting.
1301
00:54:31,067 --> 00:54:32,375
When you invite someone
to a wedding...
1302
00:54:32,535 --> 00:54:34,811
they obviously are supposed to
finger diddle your family members.
1303
00:54:34,871 --> 00:54:35,872
That's common courtesy!
1304
00:54:36,039 --> 00:54:38,315
Okay, hold up.
Lam a grown-ass woman.
1305
00:54:38,508 --> 00:54:40,545
I can finger diddle
whomever I want.
1306
00:54:40,677 --> 00:54:43,180
Just because you say "whomever"
does not make it okay.
1307
00:54:43,346 --> 00:54:46,816
It's not a big deal.
It's just like texting someone.
1308
00:54:47,050 --> 00:54:48,996
It's just like Tinder.
1309
00:54:49,152 --> 00:54:53,623
Swipe right, swipe right, swipe
left. Swipe left, swipe right.
1310
00:54:53,690 --> 00:54:55,499
That's very graphic.
That is...
1311
00:54:55,558 --> 00:54:58,698
Rotating your photos. Expanding
them, contracting them.
1312
00:54:58,862 --> 00:55:01,399
Are you deliberately trying to hurt
me? Is that what you're doing?
1313
00:55:01,564 --> 00:55:04,101
What? No! I was just trying
to get RiRi tickets...
1314
00:55:04,167 --> 00:55:06,113
to make my best friend
feel better, okay?
1315
00:55:06,269 --> 00:55:07,771
We're on Va cay.
1316
00:55:09,839 --> 00:55:10,840
No...
1317
00:55:11,007 --> 00:55:14,716
You are invited to my sister's wedding.
You're supposed to smile, nod...
1318
00:55:14,878 --> 00:55:16,084
and do what I want you to do.
1319
00:55:16,246 --> 00:55:17,247
That's the deal.
1320
00:55:17,881 --> 00:55:19,690
I thought that we
had a connection.
1321
00:55:20,250 --> 00:55:21,251
Like a spark.
1322
00:55:21,418 --> 00:55:24,365
You thought you were gonna bring me here
so that you could have sex with me.
1323
00:55:24,688 --> 00:55:27,168
Yes. No! What? Yeah, right.
1324
00:55:27,223 --> 00:55:28,224
Really?
1325
00:55:30,193 --> 00:55:31,900
Yes, obviously.
1326
00:55:32,062 --> 00:55:34,099
You are so hot.
And you smell good.
1327
00:55:34,264 --> 00:55:36,039
It's not a weird thing that I
wanna have sex with you...
1328
00:55:36,199 --> 00:55:38,145
because you are very sexy...
1329
00:55:38,301 --> 00:55:40,406
and you were leading me on,
and we are in Hawaii...
1330
00:55:40,570 --> 00:55:42,447
which is a sexy place,
and people have sex here.
1331
00:55:42,605 --> 00:55:44,915
God, dude, you built this
all up in your head.
1332
00:55:45,075 --> 00:55:46,952
Alice and I just
saw you on TV...
1333
00:55:47,143 --> 00:55:48,918
-wanted to go to Hawaii.
-Hold up.
1334
00:55:49,946 --> 00:55:50,947
Fuck.
1335
00:55:51,114 --> 00:55:52,115
You saw us on TV?
1336
00:55:52,282 --> 00:55:54,284
No, I don't even watch
Wendy Williams.
1337
00:55:59,556 --> 00:56:00,557
What?
1338
00:56:01,791 --> 00:56:03,327
What?
1339
00:56:03,426 --> 00:56:04,734
I thought you dug me.
1340
00:56:04,894 --> 00:56:06,168
Are you even a teacher?
1341
00:56:09,165 --> 00:56:10,166
No.
1342
00:56:10,333 --> 00:56:11,334
What about little Julio...
1343
00:56:11,501 --> 00:56:13,640
the dyslexic boy
who you taught how to read?
1344
00:56:13,803 --> 00:56:16,181
Made it up.
All of it.
1345
00:56:16,339 --> 00:56:18,615
Although I did have sex
with this guy name Julio once...
1346
00:56:18,775 --> 00:56:20,277
and I'm pretty sure
he couldn't read.
1347
00:56:21,244 --> 00:56:23,747
Here I thought you were Michelle
Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds.
1348
00:56:23,913 --> 00:56:26,086
Turns out, you're Michelle
Pfeiffer from Scarf ace.
1349
00:56:26,783 --> 00:56:28,194
And you didn't even
1350
00:56:28,351 --> 00:56:31,730
say hello to my little friend.
1351
00:56:36,292 --> 00:56:38,169
Come on, man.
1352
00:56:39,195 --> 00:56:40,299
Mike.
1353
00:56:53,977 --> 00:56:55,786
I'm really sorry...
1354
00:56:56,946 --> 00:56:58,983
I've been acting crazy.
1355
00:56:59,315 --> 00:57:01,955
It's probably about Luke, my ex.
1356
00:57:02,018 --> 00:57:05,192
Yeah. The guy who
died in the plane crash...
1357
00:57:05,855 --> 00:57:07,994
with cancer, and
AIDS, and stuff.
1358
00:57:08,158 --> 00:57:09,865
Yeah, that's the one.
1359
00:57:10,527 --> 00:57:12,666
Except none of that stuff
happened, 'cause...
1360
00:57:16,466 --> 00:57:18,070
I lied.
1361
00:57:18,134 --> 00:57:19,135
You lied?
1362
00:57:21,271 --> 00:57:22,375
I can't do this.
1363
00:57:22,439 --> 00:57:23,440
Wait.
1364
00:57:23,540 --> 00:57:24,575
Sorry.
1365
00:57:24,674 --> 00:57:27,348
-That's okay. That's okay.
-Sorry everyone.
1366
00:57:27,410 --> 00:57:30,584
[just forgot my phone.
Can I grab my phone?
1367
00:57:31,314 --> 00:57:33,555
Sorry, I still don't
want to get married.
1368
00:57:36,219 --> 00:57:37,357
My gosh.
1369
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:40,399
That's almost as bad
as the plane crash story.
1370
00:57:41,224 --> 00:57:42,703
Why didn't you just tell me?
1371
00:57:44,694 --> 00:57:46,867
I didn't want you to think
I was damaged goods.
1372
00:57:48,064 --> 00:57:49,839
I would never think that.
1373
00:57:50,667 --> 00:57:51,873
"Love hurts.
1374
00:57:52,869 --> 00:57:54,542
"Love scars.
1375
00:57:54,704 --> 00:57:58,516
"Love wounds, and mars."
1376
00:57:59,542 --> 00:58:03,718
That's from a really old song,
for old people.
1377
00:58:05,014 --> 00:58:06,789
Why are you so nice?
1378
00:58:09,786 --> 00:58:11,732
'Cause I think you're nice.
1379
00:58:18,962 --> 00:58:19,963
David!
1380
00:58:20,864 --> 00:58:23,538
David, I need you here
with me now. Come on.
1381
00:58:23,700 --> 00:58:24,940
No. No.
1382
00:58:25,368 --> 00:58:27,746
Stangles, assemble. Now!
1383
00:58:27,904 --> 00:58:29,611
-Let's go.
-Is he okay?
1384
00:58:29,706 --> 00:58:30,707
Yeah, I think he's fine.
1385
00:58:30,773 --> 00:58:31,774
He's just got a lot on his mind.
1386
00:58:31,941 --> 00:58:32,976
Let's go!
1387
00:58:33,042 --> 00:58:34,612
Okay, I'm coming, dude. Jeez.
1388
00:58:37,447 --> 00:58:38,619
I...
1389
00:58:38,715 --> 00:58:40,626
You gave me a boost up.
Okay.
1390
00:58:48,324 --> 00:58:49,803
A line has been drawn, David.
1391
00:58:50,059 --> 00:58:52,562
A clear line in the sand.
1392
00:58:52,629 --> 00:58:54,233
Is that why you brought me
all the way down here...
1393
00:58:54,297 --> 00:58:56,436
so you could literally
draw a line in the sand?
1394
00:58:56,499 --> 00:58:57,705
I'm a visual thinker, David.
1395
00:58:57,767 --> 00:58:59,075
-God damn it!
-Son of a...
1396
00:59:00,370 --> 00:59:03,180
These girls, they've gotta go.
1397
00:59:03,239 --> 00:59:07,415
They pretended to dig us just
to get a free trip to Hawaii.
1398
00:59:07,577 --> 00:59:08,851
They're liars!
1399
00:59:09,012 --> 00:59:11,083
So what, man? So they lied.
1400
00:59:11,514 --> 00:59:12,925
I was talking to Alice.
1401
00:59:12,982 --> 00:59:14,928
You have no idea
what this girl's been through.
1402
00:59:15,084 --> 00:59:17,587
She needed this trip.
We might have saved her life.
1403
00:59:17,954 --> 00:59:20,867
We should be practicing
our speech for tonight.
1404
00:59:20,924 --> 00:59:23,336
Not babysitting the twins
from The Shining.
1405
00:59:26,195 --> 00:59:27,674
My God.
1406
00:59:27,830 --> 00:59:29,173
Why are you laughing at me?
1407
00:59:29,499 --> 00:59:31,445
You sound like mom and dad
when they're talking about us.
1408
00:59:31,501 --> 00:59:33,447
Well, no, fuck that noise.
1409
00:59:35,672 --> 00:59:37,208
Guess what! You're
gonna love this.
1410
00:59:37,373 --> 00:59:41,287
Tatiana was jerking
off our cousin Terry.
1411
00:59:41,444 --> 00:59:43,117
What?
1412
00:59:43,179 --> 00:59:44,317
Cousin Terry has a dick?
1413
00:59:44,647 --> 00:59:46,251
No, not "jerking
off" jerking off.
1414
00:59:46,316 --> 00:59:48,489
The female version of jerking.
1415
00:59:48,651 --> 00:59:50,324
Dude, let's just chill out...
1416
00:59:50,486 --> 00:59:52,625
focus on Jeanie,
and try not to be assholes...
1417
00:59:52,789 --> 00:59:54,132
for the rest of the weekend,
okay? Can we do that?
1418
00:59:54,190 --> 00:59:55,828
I can't do that, David.
1419
00:59:56,225 --> 00:59:58,296
Because I saw our
little sister...
1420
00:59:59,128 --> 01:00:00,129
What?
1421
01:00:01,030 --> 01:00:03,408
Well, let's just say
she was making this face...
1422
01:00:05,802 --> 01:00:07,509
What? She saw a ghost?
1423
01:00:09,639 --> 01:00:11,050
She really had to pee?
1424
01:00:12,408 --> 01:00:13,409
Doing vocal warmups?
1425
01:00:14,277 --> 01:00:15,950
What are you doing? It looks
like you're having an orgasm.
1426
01:00:16,012 --> 01:00:19,357
She was, David!
With the masseuse.
1427
01:00:19,882 --> 01:00:21,225
-What!
-Yes!
1428
01:00:21,417 --> 01:00:22,555
My God!
1429
01:00:22,685 --> 01:00:24,858
-She orgasms like a star.
-No!
1430
01:00:24,921 --> 01:00:26,093
What's next?
1431
01:00:26,356 --> 01:00:30,827
I'm gonna walk in on mom
giving dad a Push Pop?
1432
01:00:31,494 --> 01:00:32,529
What's a Push Pop?
1433
01:00:32,662 --> 01:00:36,007
I made it up, Dave. It's a
sexual term that I just made up.
1434
01:00:36,165 --> 01:00:38,702
-What's a Push Pop?
-I don't know.
1435
01:00:38,768 --> 01:00:40,645
-What's a Push Pop?
-I don't know!
1436
01:00:40,703 --> 01:00:41,943
What's a Push Pop?
1437
01:00:42,005 --> 01:00:44,508
I've been to the bowels of the Internet,
and I've never seen a Push Pop.
1438
01:00:44,674 --> 01:00:46,244
God,just tell me!
What's a Push Pop?
1439
01:00:46,409 --> 01:00:48,355
It's a whole hand
up an ass, David.
1440
01:00:48,511 --> 01:00:50,422
Is that what you want me to say?
1441
01:00:50,580 --> 01:00:53,959
-God!
-Two hands pushin' the pop.
1442
01:00:54,050 --> 01:00:56,121
-God.
-Is that what you want me to say?
1443
01:00:56,219 --> 01:00:57,755
I'll send you some links.
1444
01:01:17,140 --> 01:01:19,245
-We're at table two.
-I'll be at the bar.
1445
01:01:19,409 --> 01:01:20,945
-I said table two.
-I'll be at the bar!
1446
01:01:21,110 --> 01:01:22,282
You're out of control!
1447
01:01:23,112 --> 01:01:24,113
Thank you.
1448
01:01:25,248 --> 01:01:26,818
Trouble in paradise?
1449
01:01:30,987 --> 01:01:33,866
Freaking I don't care
if I cause a scene.
1450
01:01:34,023 --> 01:01:37,971
Freaking I will punch you 17,000
times in the face. Freaking.
1451
01:01:38,127 --> 01:01:39,128
Take a shot.
1452
01:01:39,629 --> 01:01:42,200
You look like Don Johnson
fucked Zack Morris.
1453
01:01:42,932 --> 01:01:45,811
Wait till Tatiana hears your shitty
speech after my crazy dope one.
1454
01:01:45,968 --> 01:01:47,345
She's never gonna
touch your baby bird again.
1455
01:01:49,439 --> 01:01:51,112
Thriller-Terry out!
1456
01:01:52,775 --> 01:01:54,277
So sad!
1457
01:01:54,444 --> 01:01:55,684
My God.
It's a movie about cameras
1458
01:01:55,778 --> 01:01:57,052
just following you everywhere.
1459
01:01:57,280 --> 01:01:59,624
-Like The Truman Show.
-Yeah! Exactly like The Truman Show!
1460
01:01:59,682 --> 01:02:01,389
Hey, Dave! Dave!
1461
01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:02,791
Hey, what's up?
1462
01:02:02,952 --> 01:02:05,626
I need you to come backstage right
now and practice the speech.
1463
01:02:06,989 --> 01:02:09,060
Dude, I'm kind of
talking to Alice right now.
1464
01:02:09,225 --> 01:02:10,966
Which is a conversation
you've now interrupted twice.
1465
01:02:11,127 --> 01:02:12,333
Our speech needs to kill.
1466
01:02:12,495 --> 01:02:14,532
Terry got a punch
up from Chris Rock.
1467
01:02:14,797 --> 01:02:17,243
I didn't want to tell you before because
I didn't want you to freak out.
1468
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:18,401
I'm not freaking out.
1469
01:02:18,534 --> 01:02:19,877
Calm the fuck down, Dave!
1470
01:02:20,036 --> 01:02:21,174
You calm the fuck down!
1471
01:02:21,337 --> 01:02:23,112
Mike, you look like
your face is gonna pop.
1472
01:02:23,339 --> 01:02:25,148
You gonna come or what?
1473
01:02:25,208 --> 01:02:26,619
Let's go.
1474
01:02:26,676 --> 01:02:28,349
I'll see you backstage.
1475
01:02:31,881 --> 01:02:33,986
-I'm gonna go deal with this real quick.
-Okay.
1476
01:02:34,050 --> 01:02:35,996
I'll just talk to myself
for a while. All alone.
1477
01:02:39,255 --> 01:02:41,030
look an your stupid face!
1478
01:02:41,124 --> 01:02:42,626
What's wrong with me?
1479
01:02:42,692 --> 01:02:44,365
Dan't fucking look at her.
Turn around.
1480
01:02:44,427 --> 01:02:45,838
Everybody get the
fuck out of here.
1481
01:02:45,895 --> 01:02:47,238
Fuck you, Luke.
1482
01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:50,168
I'm just gonna have
a little lie down, okay?
1483
01:03:02,145 --> 01:03:03,317
Hi!
1484
01:03:03,479 --> 01:03:04,924
"Hi!
"Hi!
1485
01:03:04,981 --> 01:03:07,120
Did you need to
take a little breather, too?
1486
01:03:07,183 --> 01:03:08,685
No. Why? Are you?
1487
01:03:08,751 --> 01:03:10,230
Well...
1488
01:03:10,953 --> 01:03:14,332
You know, you think that
every moment is going to feel...
1489
01:03:14,390 --> 01:03:16,700
warm and glowy...
1490
01:03:16,759 --> 01:03:18,602
and absolutely magical.
1491
01:03:18,661 --> 01:03:21,608
But, then, some stuff happens.
1492
01:03:22,598 --> 01:03:23,770
-Sure does.
-Yeah.
1493
01:03:26,169 --> 01:03:29,378
Well, if you want
warm, glowy and magical...
1494
01:03:30,239 --> 01:03:31,309
I have just the thing.
1495
01:03:31,941 --> 01:03:33,113
I don't leave home without it.
1496
01:03:37,580 --> 01:03:40,220
Every bride deserves to have a little
fun the night before her wedding!
1497
01:03:40,283 --> 01:03:42,263
Yeah. I deserve to
have a little fun.
1498
01:03:43,486 --> 01:03:45,227
You are so nice to me.
1499
01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:50,562
This is gonna be so much fun!
1500
01:03:51,828 --> 01:03:53,102
We should find
something to suck on.
1501
01:03:53,162 --> 01:03:54,163
What?
1502
01:03:54,230 --> 01:03:55,231
Mike!
1503
01:03:55,298 --> 01:03:56,470
Here. Put these on.
1504
01:03:57,366 --> 01:03:58,538
-We need headsets?
-Yeah!
1505
01:03:58,901 --> 01:04:01,211
There's a lot of dancing
in our speech, my man. Right?
1506
01:04:01,270 --> 01:04:02,476
Gotta go hands free.
1507
01:04:02,538 --> 01:04:04,108
This is how we do it, baby.
1508
01:04:04,173 --> 01:04:06,210
Come on. Hey, check this out.
1509
01:04:06,275 --> 01:04:08,346
I'm going to "wedding
crash" cousin Terry.
1510
01:04:08,411 --> 01:04:09,481
What?
1511
01:04:09,545 --> 01:04:10,580
Put a few eye drops
in her drink.
1512
01:04:10,646 --> 01:04:12,421
That way she shits all night,
and can't do the speech.
1513
01:04:12,481 --> 01:04:13,653
Just like in the movie
Wedding Crashers.
1514
01:04:13,850 --> 01:04:15,591
Mike, that is a terrible idea.
1515
01:04:15,651 --> 01:04:17,927
-You've seen the movie!
-Of course I've seen the movie.
1516
01:04:17,987 --> 01:04:19,898
-You love that movie.
-Everyone loves that movie.
1517
01:04:19,956 --> 01:04:21,401
How's it a bad idea
if you love the movie?
1518
01:04:21,457 --> 01:04:23,437
I love Taken. I don't want
to go steal little girls.
1519
01:04:23,492 --> 01:04:25,199
But we shouldn't wedding crash
our own cousin.
1520
01:04:25,261 --> 01:04:26,501
I'm worried about you, man.
1521
01:04:26,562 --> 01:04:28,439
I'm really worried
that you're losing your mind.
1522
01:04:28,564 --> 01:04:30,168
The look in your
eyes right now...
1523
01:04:30,399 --> 01:04:32,379
You haven't blinked
since we've started talking.
1524
01:04:32,435 --> 01:04:33,880
Davie, Davie, Davie!
1525
01:04:34,103 --> 01:04:35,173
What?
1526
01:04:35,571 --> 01:04:38,177
I've never been in more control
in my entire life.
1527
01:04:40,209 --> 01:04:41,984
Mike!
1528
01:04:42,111 --> 01:04:43,920
Mike!
1529
01:04:44,447 --> 01:04:45,824
This is really intense.
1530
01:04:46,449 --> 01:04:48,087
Yeah, it's hitting
me really hard.
1531
01:04:48,150 --> 01:04:50,027
This is good ecstasy.
1532
01:04:50,486 --> 01:04:52,295
I don't know. I wouldn't know.
It's my first time.
1533
01:04:52,488 --> 01:04:53,899
-Wait, what?
-What?
1534
01:04:53,956 --> 01:04:56,300
Why would you take ecstasy
for the first time
1535
01:04:56,359 --> 01:04:57,804
on the night before
your wedding?
1536
01:04:57,860 --> 01:04:58,861
What?
1537
01:04:58,961 --> 01:05:00,338
That is so baller!
1538
01:05:01,163 --> 01:05:03,040
Like a tiny blonde gangsta!
1539
01:05:03,165 --> 01:05:05,509
This little gangsta would kill
for a motherfucking ginger ale!
1540
01:05:06,669 --> 01:05:07,739
Do you wanna go?
1541
01:05:07,837 --> 01:05:09,316
Okay, let's go.
1542
01:05:09,372 --> 01:05:11,215
Hello, everyone. Please
take your seats.
1543
01:05:11,607 --> 01:05:13,484
Welcome to the
rehearsal dinner...
1544
01:05:14,243 --> 01:05:15,916
for my man, Eric...
1545
01:05:16,012 --> 01:05:18,356
and his bride-to-be,
the lovely Jeanie.
1546
01:05:18,447 --> 01:05:21,360
They're two of the sweetest,
best people I ever met.
1547
01:05:21,484 --> 01:05:23,760
All right. Our first
speaker tonight...
1548
01:05:23,853 --> 01:05:25,662
is resident nasty girl...
1549
01:05:25,721 --> 01:05:26,859
Cousin Terry.
1550
01:05:28,257 --> 01:05:29,793
We can't let Terry crush.
1551
01:05:30,092 --> 01:05:31,162
It's not fair!
1552
01:05:31,227 --> 01:05:32,433
No. Give it to me.
1553
01:05:32,528 --> 01:05:34,235
My eyes are dry.
Just give it to me.
1554
01:05:34,630 --> 01:05:36,234
Do you guys know
who Chris Rock is?
1555
01:05:36,799 --> 01:05:39,837
He's my neighbor, and he helped me out
with a little something I like to call...
1556
01:05:40,102 --> 01:05:41,479
"mV Speech?
1557
01:05:41,537 --> 01:05:44,177
Stop. You're wasting it.
You're wasting the poison.
1558
01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:45,378
Mike, this is baby safe.
1559
01:05:45,441 --> 01:05:48,422
They removed the active ingredient,
Tetrahydrozoline, like 20 years ago!
1560
01:05:48,477 --> 01:05:49,717
It worked on Wedding Crashers!
1561
01:05:49,779 --> 01:05:51,315
That was not real life!
1562
01:05:51,380 --> 01:05:53,986
Now let's talk about
destination weddings!
1563
01:05:54,650 --> 01:05:56,129
It's like a vacation...
1564
01:05:56,185 --> 01:05:58,028
without the relaxation!
1565
01:05:59,722 --> 01:06:00,894
That's true.
1566
01:06:00,957 --> 01:06:01,958
Why aren't you on my side, Dave?
1567
01:06:02,391 --> 01:06:03,426
What?
1568
01:06:03,492 --> 01:06:05,904
I'm done with this shit, man.
I'm not doing our stupid speech.
1569
01:06:06,128 --> 01:06:08,335
In fact, I'm quitting
our liquor business.
1570
01:06:08,397 --> 01:06:09,501
There it is!
1571
01:06:09,732 --> 01:06:10,802
-Really?
-Yeah.
1572
01:06:10,900 --> 01:06:12,004
And what are you gonna do?
1573
01:06:12,134 --> 01:06:13,511
I'm gonna draw!
1574
01:06:13,569 --> 01:06:16,709
I'm gonna work on my graphic novel, and
Mom's gonna help me cover the rent.
1575
01:06:16,772 --> 01:06:17,842
Boom!
1576
01:06:18,040 --> 01:06:19,075
You traitor!
1577
01:06:19,141 --> 01:06:20,176
I ain't gotta rehearse!
1578
01:06:20,710 --> 01:06:22,519
I know how to eat dinner.
1579
01:06:25,681 --> 01:06:26,716
Keith, can you turn
me up a little bit?
1580
01:06:27,616 --> 01:06:29,118
You turn your back an me...
1581
01:06:29,285 --> 01:06:30,628
when everyone else does.
1582
01:06:30,853 --> 01:06:31,957
Ba cks tabbing, treacherous...
1583
01:06:32,655 --> 01:06:33,861
lying coward!
1584
01:06:34,090 --> 01:06:35,364
I don't think they
know they're on.
1585
01:06:35,424 --> 01:06:36,835
What? Where is that coming from?
1586
01:06:37,193 --> 01:06:38,433
I don't know what I did!
1587
01:06:38,527 --> 01:06:39,870
It doesn't matter, Mike.
1588
01:06:39,929 --> 01:06:41,340
You're losing your mind.
1589
01:06:41,530 --> 01:06:43,476
You just tried to poison
our cousin Terry!
1590
01:06:44,834 --> 01:06:46,074
Try a little harder. Am I right?
1591
01:06:46,135 --> 01:06:47,307
You're goddamn right I did.
1592
01:06:47,370 --> 01:06:50,408
Because I wanted her to shit hot
brown poop all over that stage.
1593
01:06:51,307 --> 01:06:52,684
That is unacceptable.
1594
01:06:52,742 --> 01:06:54,619
The mics are on, boys.
1595
01:06:54,677 --> 01:06:57,590
I wanted her butt to explode
like a rotten cantaloupe.
1596
01:06:57,646 --> 01:06:58,852
The mics are on!
1597
01:06:58,914 --> 01:07:01,986
You're just fucking pissed off because
Tatiana finger diddled Terry.
1598
01:07:02,218 --> 01:07:03,959
There it is!
1599
01:07:05,421 --> 01:07:06,991
It was for tickets to Rihanna.
1600
01:07:07,123 --> 01:07:09,034
You're sad, man. You are sad.
1601
01:07:09,425 --> 01:07:12,031
I'm gonna kick your ass
just like when we were kids.
1602
01:07:16,599 --> 01:07:17,873
My God!
1603
01:07:20,102 --> 01:07:21,376
-Do you wanna go?
-Don't do it!
1604
01:07:21,437 --> 01:07:22,677
These are coming your way.
1605
01:07:22,738 --> 01:07:23,773
Just stop!
1606
01:07:24,907 --> 01:07:26,580
God! That had to hurt.
1607
01:07:26,909 --> 01:07:28,217
Don't do it again.
1608
01:07:31,947 --> 01:07:33,187
Why do you keep punching me?
1609
01:07:33,249 --> 01:07:34,660
DAVE". Why do you
keep rushing at me?
1610
01:07:34,817 --> 01:07:35,989
Get him, Dave.
1611
01:07:36,085 --> 01:07:37,223
Who said that?
1612
01:07:37,286 --> 01:07:38,924
This wedding is going to hell!
1613
01:07:39,021 --> 01:07:40,193
Yes.
1614
01:07:40,256 --> 01:07:42,361
They're out there,
smiling like fucking idiots.
1615
01:07:42,925 --> 01:07:45,098
And they don't
realize the bride...
1616
01:07:45,261 --> 01:07:47,207
is getting off at
massage parlors...
1617
01:07:47,263 --> 01:07:49,573
like a goddamn
Vietnam War veteran.
1618
01:07:51,133 --> 01:07:53,670
I think they misunderstood what happened.
I think they just misunderstood.
1619
01:07:53,736 --> 01:07:55,875
I walked in and saw
little Jeanie...
1620
01:07:55,938 --> 01:07:57,747
the bride-to-be, orgasming.
1621
01:07:57,807 --> 01:08:00,219
The masseuse got her off.
1622
01:08:00,276 --> 01:08:01,653
God damn it!
1623
01:08:01,710 --> 01:08:02,780
Jeanie!
1624
01:08:03,212 --> 01:08:04,213
I hate you!
1625
01:08:18,294 --> 01:08:20,103
The rehearsal dinner is over.
1626
01:08:20,796 --> 01:08:23,800
Drinks by the pool, everybody.
Drinks by the pool.
1627
01:08:27,436 --> 01:08:29,973
Everything feels so good, right?
1628
01:08:30,106 --> 01:08:31,107
Yep.
1629
01:08:31,507 --> 01:08:33,043
You know what
I've been thinking about a lot?
1630
01:08:33,109 --> 01:08:34,179
Tell me.
1631
01:08:34,276 --> 01:08:36,222
Eric is so sweet and sensitive.
1632
01:08:36,278 --> 01:08:38,315
Kind, good, fiancé.
1633
01:08:38,380 --> 01:08:39,916
Probably great husband
and stuff, but...
1634
01:08:41,016 --> 01:08:42,825
Do you think Eric is boring?
1635
01:08:42,885 --> 01:08:43,955
Boring?
1636
01:08:44,019 --> 01:08:45,191
Like for my honeymoon...
1637
01:08:45,621 --> 01:08:47,760
all I wanted to do
was go on a hot air balloon...
1638
01:08:47,823 --> 01:08:49,598
to different countries
around the world.
1639
01:08:49,758 --> 01:08:51,965
And just be
surrounded by wicker.
1640
01:08:52,027 --> 01:08:53,529
We could have wicker
picnic baskets...
1641
01:08:53,596 --> 01:08:56,133
and I could make picnic hats
out of wicker.
1642
01:08:56,365 --> 01:08:58,367
We would be wearing
matching Chuck Taylors.
1643
01:08:58,434 --> 01:09:00,277
And he vetoed it.
1644
01:09:00,703 --> 01:09:03,081
Because he wants to go
to a resort, and just...
1645
01:09:05,174 --> 01:09:06,744
-perch.
-What?
1646
01:09:06,809 --> 01:09:07,913
I am a young woman...
1647
01:09:07,977 --> 01:09:10,253
-Preach!
-There is so much for me to see.
1648
01:09:10,312 --> 01:09:12,622
-Yes.
-I haven't even been to Burning Man.
1649
01:09:13,082 --> 01:09:15,289
I don't even know what
Amsterdam is like.
1650
01:09:15,818 --> 01:09:17,388
I haven't been to Seattle.
1651
01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:18,794
You've never been to Seattle?
1652
01:09:18,854 --> 01:09:19,889
No!
1653
01:09:19,955 --> 01:09:22,333
-Seattle's gonna change your fucking life!
-Really?
1654
01:09:22,424 --> 01:09:23,664
You need to get
out of this cage!
1655
01:09:23,726 --> 01:09:24,796
I am in a cage...
1656
01:09:24,860 --> 01:09:27,340
just like these
horses are caged.
1657
01:09:27,530 --> 01:09:29,407
Just let them out.
1658
01:09:32,067 --> 01:09:33,171
Let them all out.
1659
01:09:39,575 --> 01:09:42,215
Be free! No one can
hold you down!
1660
01:09:42,278 --> 01:09:45,418
Be free, my friends!
Follow your dreams!
1661
01:10:11,006 --> 01:10:12,246
Here to pile on?
1662
01:10:12,608 --> 01:10:13,609
Go ahead.
1663
01:10:13,709 --> 01:10:15,017
Any insult you can think of...
1664
01:10:15,077 --> 01:10:16,579
I've probably told myself
a million times.
1665
01:10:16,712 --> 01:10:18,385
Why were you trying to
poison your cousin?
1666
01:10:20,583 --> 01:10:25,828
I was jealous of the whole
steam room incident.
1667
01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:28,698
That is some crazy shit. That's
like something I would do.
1668
01:10:28,924 --> 01:10:30,562
This one time in high school...
1669
01:10:30,626 --> 01:10:32,128
this bitch tried to hit
on my boyfriend...
1670
01:10:32,194 --> 01:10:33,798
and I cut off her ponytail
while she was sleeping...
1671
01:10:33,862 --> 01:10:35,341
and I wore it to
school for a month.
1672
01:10:35,397 --> 01:10:36,535
What the fuck?
1673
01:10:36,599 --> 01:10:38,135
But you tried to
poison your cousin.
1674
01:10:51,614 --> 01:10:54,595
Look. I'm sorry I've been
so rough on you, okay?
1675
01:10:54,817 --> 01:10:58,526
I honestly think it's
because you're so much like me.
1676
01:10:58,754 --> 01:11:00,734
You act all confident...
1677
01:11:00,789 --> 01:11:03,793
but, inside, you're
scared of everything.
1678
01:11:04,026 --> 01:11:05,733
You act like you don't care
what people think...
1679
01:11:05,828 --> 01:11:07,398
but you really care
what people think.
1680
01:11:07,496 --> 01:11:08,736
And you try to act so smart...
1681
01:11:08,797 --> 01:11:10,435
but sometimes...
1682
01:11:10,499 --> 01:11:13,708
you're just afraid you're the
dumbest person in the world.
1683
01:11:16,472 --> 01:11:18,076
I'm so dumb.
1684
01:11:18,574 --> 01:11:22,044
I'm constantly saying words that
I don't know the meaning of.
1685
01:11:22,711 --> 01:11:25,055
Like, I use this
word, "assuage"...
1686
01:11:25,314 --> 01:11:26,691
all the time.
1687
01:11:26,982 --> 01:11:28,928
Can you assuage me the ketchup?
1688
01:11:29,051 --> 01:11:30,962
Can I assuage you
a few questions?
1689
01:11:31,153 --> 01:11:33,963
-Is that the meaning of it?
-I don't know.
1690
01:11:34,056 --> 01:11:35,535
But it's like, I'm so stupid...
1691
01:11:35,591 --> 01:11:37,867
but I act all confident,
so people listen to me.
1692
01:11:37,926 --> 01:11:38,996
And it's fucked up.
1693
01:11:39,194 --> 01:11:41,105
Me, too. I'm a
natural born leader.
1694
01:11:41,330 --> 01:11:43,105
Like George Washington.
1695
01:11:43,165 --> 01:11:44,269
Yeah.
1696
01:11:44,333 --> 01:11:45,573
Or another leader.
1697
01:11:53,142 --> 01:11:54,553
All right, here's one.
1698
01:11:54,610 --> 01:11:56,681
But I'm about to get super real
with you. Okay?
1699
01:11:58,147 --> 01:12:01,788
I thought I was destined
for such great things...
1700
01:12:01,884 --> 01:12:04,558
but I may never
achieve anything.
1701
01:12:08,090 --> 01:12:09,330
Sister.
1702
01:12:10,693 --> 01:12:12,604
Have you been reading my diary?
1703
01:12:21,670 --> 01:12:22,705
Yes.
1704
01:12:23,672 --> 01:12:24,776
Okay.
1705
01:12:37,252 --> 01:12:38,560
You are beautiful!
1706
01:12:38,620 --> 01:12:39,997
On to Seattle!
1707
01:12:40,155 --> 01:12:41,259
Alice?
1708
01:12:42,291 --> 01:12:43,292
Am I glowing?
1709
01:12:43,559 --> 01:12:45,232
I can see sounds
and hear colors.
1710
01:12:45,427 --> 01:12:47,065
Be free!
1711
01:12:47,229 --> 01:12:48,833
What the fuck are the
horses doing out?
1712
01:12:49,765 --> 01:12:51,176
Who the fuck are you guys?
1713
01:12:51,433 --> 01:12:52,639
Fucking gypsies!
1714
01:12:52,801 --> 01:12:54,940
Francisco! Francisco, run!
1715
01:12:55,337 --> 01:12:57,283
Shit!
1716
01:13:00,109 --> 01:13:01,179
Hey.
1717
01:13:01,243 --> 01:13:02,813
Dave! Hi.
1718
01:13:04,446 --> 01:13:05,789
What's up? What's up with you?
1719
01:13:05,848 --> 01:13:08,124
-What's going on? Are you okay?
-Me?
1720
01:13:08,283 --> 01:13:10,422
Yeah. I'm fine.
1721
01:13:12,187 --> 01:13:13,632
Yeah. Well...
1722
01:13:14,189 --> 01:13:15,964
Yeah. See, what
happened was that...
1723
01:13:16,125 --> 01:13:18,469
there was a tsunami,
and it took away our clothes...
1724
01:13:18,527 --> 01:13:19,767
but it brought these horses.
1725
01:13:19,828 --> 01:13:20,829
What?
1726
01:13:20,896 --> 01:13:23,137
And then, we wanted to get naked
because of Lady Godiva...
1727
01:13:23,198 --> 01:13:24,973
but then horses can't
eat chocolate.
1728
01:13:25,134 --> 01:13:27,114
They could have an aneurysm.
1729
01:13:27,269 --> 01:13:28,475
Where's Jeanie?
1730
01:13:28,570 --> 01:13:29,947
Hey, don't yell at her
just because she's the one...
1731
01:13:30,005 --> 01:13:31,609
-that told me to go to Seattle.
-Holy shit!
1732
01:13:31,673 --> 01:13:33,346
-I've always wanted to go!
-My God!
1733
01:13:33,409 --> 01:13:35,218
That is not her fault.
1734
01:13:35,277 --> 01:13:36,722
-My eyes!
-What's the matter?
1735
01:13:36,879 --> 01:13:38,483
Stop yelling. Why are you
yelling? David, stop yelling.
1736
01:13:38,547 --> 01:13:40,185
You're being loud.
And this a happy time.
1737
01:13:40,349 --> 01:13:41,692
This a really good time.
1738
01:13:41,850 --> 01:13:43,022
There's nothing wrong.
So who's at fault?
1739
01:13:43,085 --> 01:13:45,463
Did you know that Hitler's
parents were second cousins?
1740
01:13:45,654 --> 01:13:47,190
-Do you have any water?
-Put your clothes on!
1741
01:13:47,356 --> 01:13:49,563
I'm a woman, Dave.
Deal with it.
1742
01:13:50,793 --> 01:13:54,502
Because this is the bush
that you came out of.
1743
01:13:54,663 --> 01:13:56,006
I didn't come from that bush.
1744
01:13:56,165 --> 01:13:57,872
I came from Mom's bush.
And you know that.
1745
01:13:58,033 --> 01:13:59,478
Jeanie! My God!
1746
01:13:59,968 --> 01:14:01,345
You're completely naked!
1747
01:14:01,503 --> 01:14:03,847
-Hi, Becky!
-God, your bush is huge.
1748
01:14:04,006 --> 01:14:05,713
-You look tall.
-No, ma'am.
1749
01:14:05,874 --> 01:14:08,286
I told you to stay away
from these bitches.
1750
01:14:08,544 --> 01:14:10,683
Alice, seriously,
are you tripping?
1751
01:14:10,846 --> 01:14:11,847
No. God, no.
1752
01:14:11,914 --> 01:14:14,087
Why would say that? Just because
everything feels really soft?
1753
01:14:14,383 --> 01:14:15,987
Please. Just tell me the truth.
1754
01:14:16,151 --> 01:14:17,221
Are you on drugs?
1755
01:14:18,053 --> 01:14:19,498
We're super fucked up. Yeah.
1756
01:14:19,655 --> 01:14:20,690
What?
1757
01:14:20,756 --> 01:14:23,168
We started with ecstasy, but then
I went into my mystery bags.
1758
01:14:23,325 --> 01:14:24,702
Why the fuck would you do that?
1759
01:14:24,860 --> 01:14:26,100
Don't you judge me, David.
1760
01:14:26,161 --> 01:14:27,936
I don't think you're supposed to
go into the mystery bag...
1761
01:14:27,996 --> 01:14:29,066
the night before the wedding.
1762
01:14:29,231 --> 01:14:31,370
We brought you here because we
thought you were nice girls.
1763
01:14:31,533 --> 01:14:33,376
But Mike was right
about you two.
1764
01:14:33,535 --> 01:14:35,776
This whole wedding weekend
is just going to shit!
1765
01:14:35,938 --> 01:14:37,747
Dave, I'll be honest with you.
1766
01:14:37,906 --> 01:14:39,044
I need some clothes.
1767
01:14:40,075 --> 01:14:41,554
I can't continue to
wear this horse.
1768
01:14:41,710 --> 01:14:43,246
My God.
1769
01:14:43,779 --> 01:14:45,087
The wind feels so nice.
1770
01:14:45,247 --> 01:14:46,521
Come on, come on, come on.
1771
01:14:47,883 --> 01:14:50,193
We should go in the ocean.
1772
01:14:50,252 --> 01:14:52,391
I'm so thirsty! Dave,
we should get in the ocean.
1773
01:14:52,454 --> 01:14:55,628
Please, please, please,
just be quiet.
1774
01:14:55,691 --> 01:14:57,193
I love this song.
1775
01:14:57,259 --> 01:14:58,602
There's no music playing.
1776
01:14:59,728 --> 01:15:00,729
Baby, wait.
1777
01:15:00,896 --> 01:15:02,807
Don't worry. Only
our butts touched.
1778
01:15:02,965 --> 01:15:04,911
Stop it. Don't freak
out anymore, Pumpkin!
1779
01:15:05,067 --> 01:15:07,104
Don't freak out?
Don't freak out?
1780
01:15:07,302 --> 01:15:08,645
Tell me one thing.
1781
01:15:08,871 --> 01:15:10,077
Did you enjoy it?
1782
01:15:10,639 --> 01:15:12,243
No.
1783
01:15:13,208 --> 01:15:14,619
That is such a "yes" no.
1784
01:15:14,676 --> 01:15:15,746
No.
1785
01:15:15,811 --> 01:15:18,223
I'm gonna ask you again.
Did you enjoy it?
1786
01:15:18,280 --> 01:15:19,281
Yes!
1787
01:15:19,348 --> 01:15:20,383
Well...
1788
01:15:20,649 --> 01:15:22,219
Cat's out of the
frigging bag, isn't it?
1789
01:15:22,384 --> 01:15:24,295
I went for a normal massage...
1790
01:15:24,453 --> 01:15:26,490
but Alice, she had asked
for a little special treat.
1791
01:15:26,655 --> 01:15:28,566
And then it just kept coming,
and coming, and coming, and...
1792
01:15:28,724 --> 01:15:30,829
Who are these fucking girls your
brothers brought to this wedding?
1793
01:15:31,260 --> 01:15:33,797
You are clearly on drugs.
1794
01:15:33,962 --> 01:15:35,441
And we're getting
married tomorrow!
1795
01:15:36,265 --> 01:15:38,108
I'm scared, Pumpkin.
1796
01:15:38,267 --> 01:15:39,507
Aren't you scared?
1797
01:15:39,668 --> 01:15:41,477
Well, yeah, now I am.
1798
01:15:42,004 --> 01:15:43,312
It's just that...
1799
01:15:44,006 --> 01:15:48,455
I'm just a little
worried that you are...
1800
01:15:49,978 --> 01:15:50,979
boring.
1801
01:15:52,514 --> 01:15:53,857
What are you saying?
1802
01:15:54,016 --> 01:15:55,222
You don't want to marry me?
1803
01:16:06,094 --> 01:16:07,368
Well...
1804
01:16:07,529 --> 01:16:09,133
No, she doesn't mean that.
She's just confused...
1805
01:16:09,298 --> 01:16:10,538
because she's just rolling
super hard right now.
1806
01:16:10,699 --> 01:16:11,803
You rolled her!
1807
01:16:11,967 --> 01:16:14,038
-You're the roller!
-I'm so sorry.
1808
01:16:14,202 --> 01:16:16,614
I was gonna draw Rum for you.
But not anymore.
1809
01:16:16,772 --> 01:16:18,752
Everything is not irie, man!
1810
01:16:21,176 --> 01:16:23,782
You've made me so, so sad.
1811
01:16:26,348 --> 01:16:27,725
But a little bit mad.
1812
01:16:28,483 --> 01:16:29,894
But mostly just sad.
1813
01:16:33,855 --> 01:16:35,163
-Dad!
-Don't!
1814
01:16:35,324 --> 01:16:36,735
Mike, for once in your life...
1815
01:16:36,892 --> 01:16:39,873
please don't say a fucking word.
1816
01:17:04,319 --> 01:17:06,094
I hate them sometimes.
1817
01:17:06,254 --> 01:17:07,528
Fucking love them
and they're dicks.
1818
01:17:07,589 --> 01:17:09,330
Sometimes I love them,
sometimes I hate them.
1819
01:17:17,399 --> 01:17:18,400
Everything okay over there?
1820
01:17:18,567 --> 01:17:20,979
I can't find my other sock.
It's pissing me off.
1821
01:17:23,872 --> 01:17:25,613
Did you take my sock, bro?
1822
01:17:25,774 --> 01:17:26,844
No.
1823
01:17:27,342 --> 01:17:29,720
I think you took my
fucking sock, bro.
1824
01:17:31,346 --> 01:17:32,416
God damn it.
1825
01:17:32,547 --> 01:17:34,652
I can't believe Jeanie and Eric
aren't getting married...
1826
01:17:34,783 --> 01:17:36,592
and it's all our fault.
1827
01:17:37,252 --> 01:17:40,233
It's slightly our fault.
1828
01:17:41,189 --> 01:17:43,135
It's totally our fault. Fuck.
1829
01:17:43,291 --> 01:17:45,635
We got selfish. We
got distracted.
1830
01:17:47,229 --> 01:17:50,039
I don't think we were
#DoingltForJeanie at all.
1831
01:17:50,198 --> 01:17:52,075
We weren't #DoingltForJeanie.
1832
01:17:52,234 --> 01:17:55,078
Our fucking little sister.
Our little Jeanie Beanie Weanie.
1833
01:17:55,737 --> 01:17:57,614
She is Stanglita.
1834
01:17:57,773 --> 01:18:00,549
The one little girl we used
to let into our Stang Hangs.
1835
01:18:00,709 --> 01:18:01,710
The Stangle Dangle.
1836
01:18:01,777 --> 01:18:03,313
The smallest plane
in the Stangar.
1837
01:18:03,478 --> 01:18:04,616
Don't do it, dude.
1838
01:18:04,780 --> 01:18:06,088
We're supposed to
be her protector.
1839
01:18:06,248 --> 01:18:07,784
Don't you cry.
1840
01:18:07,949 --> 01:18:08,950
We're supposed to
look out for her.
1841
01:18:09,117 --> 01:18:10,289
Stop it.
1842
01:18:10,452 --> 01:18:13,399
We're supposed to be the two dudes
that have her back no matter what.
1843
01:18:13,555 --> 01:18:15,000
If you start, I'm gonna start.
1844
01:18:15,157 --> 01:18:17,433
We broke up her marriage.
1845
01:18:20,228 --> 01:18:23,141
Of course I'm fucking doing it,
man. We ruined Jeanie's wedding.
1846
01:18:23,298 --> 01:18:24,743
I'm doing it, too.
1847
01:18:25,300 --> 01:18:26,677
I hate it.
1848
01:18:39,347 --> 01:18:41,987
Man, we fucked up this wedding.
1849
01:18:42,050 --> 01:18:43,051
Yeah.
1850
01:18:43,218 --> 01:18:45,391
We fucked it in the dick.
1851
01:18:46,722 --> 01:18:48,395
You know I don't like it when
you say that. That's just...
1852
01:18:48,457 --> 01:18:51,165
I know, but we fucked
it so hard. Fuck.
1853
01:18:51,259 --> 01:18:54,433
I think the reason we get
ourselves into so much shit is...
1854
01:18:54,496 --> 01:18:56,567
we're always telling each other
we're so awesome...
1855
01:18:56,832 --> 01:18:59,836
when we're definitely
not being awesome.
1856
01:19:00,001 --> 01:19:01,309
That's deep.
1857
01:19:01,470 --> 01:19:03,279
Yeah, you know what?..
1858
01:19:04,873 --> 01:19:06,716
I wanted you to feel better...
1859
01:19:06,875 --> 01:19:09,048
and get your groove back...
1860
01:19:09,211 --> 01:19:12,351
but not all the way
better to where...
1861
01:19:13,782 --> 01:19:15,784
you wouldn't need me anymore.
1862
01:19:15,951 --> 01:19:18,864
Because if you don't need me...
1863
01:19:20,355 --> 01:19:23,029
then nobody needs me, and...
1864
01:19:23,692 --> 01:19:26,969
Anyway, that's what I was thinking when
I was knuckles deep into Cousin Terry.
1865
01:19:27,629 --> 01:19:29,575
Dude, we're always
gonna need each other.
1866
01:19:30,198 --> 01:19:31,199
Okay.
1867
01:19:31,466 --> 01:19:32,843
Okay, here's the thing.
1868
01:19:33,802 --> 01:19:35,509
I don't wanna stop being us.
1869
01:19:35,670 --> 01:19:37,741
But I think occasionally...
1870
01:19:37,906 --> 01:19:42,150
we should think about
how we make other people feel.
1871
01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:45,447
Like Jeanie?
1872
01:19:45,514 --> 01:19:46,720
Yeah, like Jeanie.
1873
01:19:47,182 --> 01:19:48,889
-Oof.
-Or like Eric.
1874
01:19:49,351 --> 01:19:50,386
Fuck.
1875
01:19:50,552 --> 01:19:52,190
This feels fucking terrible.
1876
01:19:52,354 --> 01:19:54,561
This does not feel good.
1877
01:19:54,756 --> 01:19:57,498
Like, Dave's so special and...
1878
01:19:58,226 --> 01:20:00,604
He must be so mad at me.
1879
01:20:01,029 --> 01:20:02,099
Poor Mike.
1880
01:20:02,264 --> 01:20:05,609
He's less special,
but I played him so hard.
1881
01:20:05,767 --> 01:20:07,212
They must be so mad at us!
1882
01:20:07,369 --> 01:20:09,576
They must hate us. Fuck!
I would hate us.
1883
01:20:09,738 --> 01:20:11,547
I would fucking hate us!
1884
01:20:11,706 --> 01:20:14,050
I hate us, man. I hate us!
1885
01:20:14,209 --> 01:20:15,347
I hate us, too!
1886
01:20:15,510 --> 01:20:17,217
But you're the best, dude.
I love you.
1887
01:20:17,379 --> 01:20:19,723
Don't lump yourself in with me.
1888
01:20:19,881 --> 01:20:21,360
I'm like a little troll...
1889
01:20:21,516 --> 01:20:24,292
who lives on nothing but
river water and squirrel meats.
1890
01:20:24,452 --> 01:20:26,864
Your drawing? I could never
do anything like that.
1891
01:20:27,022 --> 01:20:29,229
-So go. You go right now.
-What?
1892
01:20:29,291 --> 01:20:30,361
Go!
1893
01:20:30,425 --> 01:20:33,804
Don't let your loser older
brother hold you back.
1894
01:20:37,265 --> 01:20:38,608
You are not a loser.
1895
01:20:39,434 --> 01:20:40,936
Thanks, Dave.
1896
01:20:41,102 --> 01:20:42,604
Dude, you introduced me
to the Ninja Turtles.
1897
01:20:42,771 --> 01:20:44,614
Taught me Donatello was a pussy.
1898
01:20:44,773 --> 01:20:46,650
That Raphael was
actually dope...
1899
01:20:46,808 --> 01:20:48,788
because he didn't give a fuck
what people thought.
1900
01:20:48,944 --> 01:20:50,218
He's cool, but rude.
1901
01:20:50,378 --> 01:20:51,618
Exactly.
1902
01:20:51,713 --> 01:20:53,818
When all those kids kicked at me
and they called me "Moist"...
1903
01:20:53,915 --> 01:20:56,794
you stopped eating muffins
at the school lunch for a year.
1904
01:20:56,952 --> 01:20:58,625
They were too moist.
1905
01:20:59,754 --> 01:21:01,665
Made you an easy target.
1906
01:21:01,823 --> 01:21:05,327
You're my brother.
And I love you.
1907
01:21:05,493 --> 01:21:07,063
Heroes in a half shell.
1908
01:21:07,229 --> 01:21:08,333
Turtle power.
1909
01:21:13,401 --> 01:21:15,608
We're not going anywhere...
1910
01:21:15,770 --> 01:21:19,445
until our little sister,
Jeanie Beanie Weanie...
1911
01:21:19,608 --> 01:21:21,315
is getting married.
1912
01:21:27,015 --> 01:21:28,255
You just killed the TV.
1913
01:21:28,783 --> 01:21:30,524
I was aiming for it.
1914
01:21:32,988 --> 01:21:35,798
We are such idiots.
We are so stupid.
1915
01:21:35,957 --> 01:21:37,459
We ruined your whole wedding...
1916
01:21:37,626 --> 01:21:39,333
and we finally just
realized that.
1917
01:21:39,494 --> 01:21:41,474
All right. Please just
stop talking, okay?
1918
01:21:41,630 --> 01:21:44,804
Not another word. My
head hurts so bad.
1919
01:21:44,966 --> 01:21:46,172
Jeanie, Eric.
1920
01:21:46,334 --> 01:21:49,042
We can't let you not get married just
because we fucked everything up.
1921
01:21:49,204 --> 01:21:50,342
We love you so much, Jeanie.
1922
01:21:50,438 --> 01:21:52,509
We love you, Eric. We just want
you guys to love each other.
1923
01:21:52,607 --> 01:21:53,608
-Just love each other.
-That's it.
1924
01:21:55,677 --> 01:21:56,951
Jeanie, Eric.
1925
01:21:57,112 --> 01:21:58,614
We can't let you
not get married.
1926
01:21:58,780 --> 01:22:00,384
Yeah. Just because
we fucked everything up?
1927
01:22:00,548 --> 01:22:01,993
I mean, we want you guys
to love each other.
1928
01:22:02,150 --> 01:22:03,151
Love each other.
1929
01:22:04,319 --> 01:22:07,198
Okay. This is bizarre,
because we literally did that...
1930
01:22:07,355 --> 01:22:08,732
exact same thing.
1931
01:22:08,890 --> 01:22:10,528
We're even doing
this hand motion.
1932
01:22:10,692 --> 01:22:11,864
Yeah, all that was ours.
1933
01:22:12,027 --> 01:22:14,064
The point is,
this shit is all our fault.
1934
01:22:14,229 --> 01:22:15,867
No, it's our fault.
1935
01:22:16,031 --> 01:22:17,704
No, it's definitely our fault.
1936
01:22:17,866 --> 01:22:18,970
It is our fault for sure.
1937
01:22:19,134 --> 01:22:20,135
No, no, no. For real.
1938
01:22:20,302 --> 01:22:21,747
If anything, it's my fault.
1939
01:22:23,471 --> 01:22:25,075
Please stop.
1940
01:22:27,342 --> 01:22:31,449
Everyone shut the fuck up!
1941
01:22:32,113 --> 01:22:34,457
Jesus Hussein Christ.
1942
01:22:34,616 --> 01:22:36,562
God damn it!
1943
01:22:36,685 --> 01:22:38,961
Been trying to read
this same paragraph...
1944
01:22:39,187 --> 01:22:40,495
for 20 minutes.
1945
01:22:40,555 --> 01:22:45,095
But you four fucking morons
keep on fucking with my shit.
1946
01:22:45,794 --> 01:22:47,432
We've only been here
for three minutes...
1947
01:22:47,495 --> 01:22:48,701
so those other 17 minutes...
1948
01:22:48,763 --> 01:22:49,969
-that's kind of on you...
-Mike!
1949
01:22:50,031 --> 01:22:51,305
I'm using hyperbole.
1950
01:22:51,366 --> 01:22:54,210
I don't know what that means, and
I think you know that I don't.
1951
01:22:54,336 --> 01:22:56,338
Mike, do me a favor.
Shut the fuck up.
1952
01:22:56,404 --> 01:22:57,405
Go Eric.
1953
01:22:57,472 --> 01:22:58,542
Shut up too!
1954
01:22:58,606 --> 01:22:59,880
I mean, God damn it!
1955
01:23:00,041 --> 01:23:03,181
You're all self-absorbed,
barely-functioning...
1956
01:23:03,745 --> 01:23:04,985
codependent weirdos!
1957
01:23:06,147 --> 01:23:07,455
-Yeah.
-I know.
1958
01:23:07,549 --> 01:23:09,654
-That's pretty spot-on.
-We just figured that out.
1959
01:23:09,818 --> 01:23:12,594
-Those are not good qualities.
-We're gonna work on it.
1960
01:23:12,654 --> 01:23:14,656
-It's been a long time.
-It's been so many years.
1961
01:23:14,723 --> 01:23:16,327
We're both very confused.
1962
01:23:16,424 --> 01:23:18,529
No, no. You're not confused.
1963
01:23:18,626 --> 01:23:20,765
You're just coming
down off MDMA.
1964
01:23:20,829 --> 01:23:22,308
Sorry. Which I gave you.
1965
01:23:22,464 --> 01:23:25,138
And Eric, you can't blame her for
anything she said last night.
1966
01:23:25,300 --> 01:23:28,076
I've done so much
stupid shit on E.
1967
01:23:28,236 --> 01:23:30,807
I got so dehydrated that
I was drinking puddle water...
1968
01:23:30,972 --> 01:23:32,144
and I had to go to
the hospital...
1969
01:23:32,307 --> 01:23:34,913
'cause puddles are really dirty.
1970
01:23:35,110 --> 01:23:36,589
One time I was on peyote...
1971
01:23:36,644 --> 01:23:38,920
and I signed up for
a T-Mobile plan.
1972
01:23:38,980 --> 01:23:40,755
One time I got high.
1973
01:23:40,815 --> 01:23:43,318
I read the back of a shampoo
bottle for 13 hours.
1974
01:23:44,352 --> 01:23:45,524
Because it said "repeat."
1975
01:23:45,587 --> 01:23:47,123
-Rinse and repeat.
-I get it.
1976
01:23:47,222 --> 01:23:50,260
Jeanie, I know you think
that Eric can be boring...
1977
01:23:50,525 --> 01:23:53,131
Enough of this talk of boring!
1978
01:23:53,661 --> 01:23:54,731
Damn it!
1979
01:23:54,796 --> 01:23:59,006
Sixty percent of my investments are
in some pretty aggressive stocks.
1980
01:23:59,134 --> 01:24:02,513
I don't always look both ways
when I cross the street.
1981
01:24:02,670 --> 01:24:05,674
I've been known to have
a second glass of wine...
1982
01:24:05,740 --> 01:24:07,583
with my dinner,
every now and then.
1983
01:24:07,642 --> 01:24:09,315
I once went to see a movie...
1984
01:24:09,377 --> 01:24:11,880
walked across the hallway,
saw a second movie.
1985
01:24:11,946 --> 01:24:13,254
Didn't pay till after.
1986
01:24:13,448 --> 01:24:14,620
Is that boring?
1987
01:24:15,116 --> 01:24:16,117
Is that boring?
1988
01:24:16,184 --> 01:24:17,356
-What'd you say?
-Yeah.
1989
01:24:17,419 --> 01:24:18,955
-You're right. We were wrong.
-That was pretty boring.
1990
01:24:19,387 --> 01:24:20,627
Well, how about this for boring?
1991
01:24:22,490 --> 01:24:24,231
Barrl!
1992
01:24:24,325 --> 01:24:25,998
Two hot air balloon tickets
for our honeymoon.
1993
01:24:27,128 --> 01:24:28,402
I know you really
wanted to go...
1994
01:24:28,463 --> 01:24:31,342
so I got these tickets a
while ago to surprise you.
1995
01:24:31,699 --> 01:24:33,542
Surprise.
1996
01:24:36,037 --> 01:24:37,539
Baby, you're so
afraid of heights.
1997
01:24:38,173 --> 01:24:40,619
-Baby, I'm fucking terrified of heights.
-Yeah.
1998
01:24:41,042 --> 01:24:43,181
But my biggest fear...
1999
01:24:43,244 --> 01:24:45,383
is to not be the husband
that you deserve.
2000
01:24:46,681 --> 01:24:49,560
Baby, I'm sorry
I fucked so much of this up...
2001
01:24:50,251 --> 01:24:51,389
but I promise that masseuse...
2002
01:24:51,453 --> 01:24:53,455
He didn't touch my
lavender juice box.
2003
01:24:53,521 --> 01:24:55,364
God, baby. I love you.
2004
01:24:55,924 --> 01:24:57,665
And I know I want to marry you.
2005
01:24:57,992 --> 01:25:00,905
Today, if you'll still have me.
2006
01:25:01,396 --> 01:25:03,842
Babe, of course. Are
you kidding me?
2007
01:25:07,302 --> 01:25:08,303
Kiss her.
2008
01:25:08,369 --> 01:25:10,212
Baby, I'm crazy about you.
2009
01:25:24,419 --> 01:25:25,921
I want to marry you right now...
2010
01:25:26,087 --> 01:25:28,033
but, baby, we already canceled
all the vendors.
2011
01:25:28,523 --> 01:25:30,264
I don't think they're going to
let us get married here.
2012
01:25:31,826 --> 01:25:32,896
Leave that to us.
2013
01:25:32,961 --> 01:25:34,031
(Fl BELIEVE III! A THING
CALLED LOVEPLAYING)
2014
01:25:34,362 --> 01:25:36,000
Leave that to all of us.
2015
01:25:37,332 --> 01:25:38,470
-Yeah!
-Let's go, Mike.
2016
01:25:39,100 --> 01:25:40,670
This way! Fuck!
2017
01:25:41,102 --> 01:25:42,581
We'll actually just head around.
2018
01:25:42,837 --> 01:25:44,316
-Girl.
-I'm good.
2019
01:25:44,606 --> 01:25:46,085
So what part you like, brah?
2020
01:25:46,141 --> 01:25:48,314
-We need the whole pig.
-I can't give you a whole pig.
2021
01:25:48,376 --> 01:25:49,912
But we need to feed 100 people.
2022
01:25:50,378 --> 01:25:53,222
Could we please, please
have the wedding here?
2023
01:25:53,281 --> 01:25:55,318
For the last time,
we're out of venues.
2024
01:25:55,450 --> 01:25:57,794
-Hold me back. Hold me back, please.
-What?
2025
01:25:58,052 --> 01:25:59,087
Give us a place!
2026
01:25:59,154 --> 01:26:00,929
Everybody out of the way!
2027
01:26:01,122 --> 01:26:02,795
It's hot. So hot!
2028
01:26:02,857 --> 01:26:04,359
-Out of the fucking way!
-I want my pig back!
2029
01:26:05,126 --> 01:26:06,935
What if I supplied
all the liquor...
2030
01:26:06,995 --> 01:26:08,997
for every bar in this hotel...
2031
01:26:09,063 --> 01:26:11,669
at wholesale prices
for the next three years?
2032
01:26:11,733 --> 01:26:13,610
-Deal.
-Yes! Fuck yes!
2033
01:26:13,801 --> 01:26:15,075
I'll get you guys a venue.
2034
01:26:29,050 --> 01:26:30,051
Keith, get it together.
2035
01:26:30,385 --> 01:26:31,557
We need to move, move, move.
2036
01:26:31,786 --> 01:26:32,856
I'm doing my best.
2037
01:26:36,524 --> 01:26:37,628
Hell yeah!
2038
01:26:55,577 --> 01:26:56,578
And now...
2039
01:26:56,811 --> 01:26:58,154
a reading...
2040
01:26:58,813 --> 01:27:00,952
from the children's book
that I got in the lobby.
2041
01:27:01,249 --> 01:27:02,887
"Aloha moon.
2042
01:27:03,284 --> 01:27:04,957
"Aloha sea.
2043
01:27:05,119 --> 01:27:06,496
"Aloha you.
2044
01:27:07,121 --> 01:27:08,191
"Aloha me."
2045
01:27:08,489 --> 01:27:10,059
-I do.
-I do.
2046
01:27:10,258 --> 01:27:11,601
By the power vested in me...
2047
01:27:11,793 --> 01:27:15,331
by the website
www.beyourowndeacon.com...
2048
01:27:16,264 --> 01:27:19,507
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
2049
01:27:19,801 --> 01:27:21,610
Those assholes kind of did it.
2050
01:27:21,669 --> 01:27:23,080
Yeah.
2051
01:27:23,404 --> 01:27:25,077
Those assholes kind of did.
2052
01:27:25,240 --> 01:27:26,446
You may kiss the bride.
2053
01:27:26,507 --> 01:27:28,043
Okay. Kiss the bride.
2054
01:27:28,109 --> 01:27:29,247
Kiss the bride.
2055
01:27:36,584 --> 01:27:37,585
Yaw.!
2056
01:27:49,998 --> 01:27:51,636
-You designed this?
-Yeah.
2057
01:27:51,699 --> 01:27:54,111
Insane. We're at a wedding,
it's in the shape of a heart.
2058
01:27:54,168 --> 01:27:55,738
That was a really good idea.
2059
01:27:55,803 --> 01:27:57,339
I have so many good ideas.
2060
01:27:57,605 --> 01:28:00,279
At my last job, I was
on fire with ideas.
2061
01:28:00,375 --> 01:28:02,548
Actually, I need
a new partner...
2062
01:28:02,877 --> 01:28:06,086
because Dave is bailing on me
to draw things.
2063
01:28:06,547 --> 01:28:08,049
Would you wanna...
2064
01:28:08,283 --> 01:28:09,728
maybe come work for me?
2065
01:28:10,051 --> 01:28:11,052
Really?
2066
01:28:11,319 --> 01:28:12,730
What do you know about liquor?
2067
01:28:13,187 --> 01:28:16,031
Only that it's delicious
and I love it.
2068
01:28:16,157 --> 01:28:17,932
And those are
the two things you need to know.
2069
01:28:17,992 --> 01:28:19,403
You are hired.
2070
01:28:19,460 --> 01:28:21,269
Great. When do I start?
2071
01:28:21,462 --> 01:28:22,702
You can start right away...
2072
01:28:23,164 --> 01:28:25,610
but just know that there will be
some late nights.
2073
01:28:25,700 --> 01:28:27,373
Keep it in your pants, okay?
2074
01:28:27,735 --> 01:28:29,237
If we're going to work together,
let's just...
2075
01:28:29,671 --> 01:28:31,207
keep it professional.
2076
01:28:31,806 --> 01:28:32,876
Okay.
2077
01:28:33,007 --> 01:28:35,283
-We'll keep it professional, then.
-Good.
2078
01:28:35,343 --> 01:28:36,344
-All right.
-Good.
2079
01:28:36,411 --> 01:28:37,446
.0kaV...
.0kaV...
2080
01:28:37,512 --> 01:28:38,513
-Okay.
-Yeah.
2081
01:28:38,579 --> 01:28:40,058
-Are you sure?
-I don't know.
2082
01:28:41,482 --> 01:28:42,586
What?
2083
01:28:44,218 --> 01:28:45,697
-What'd you say?
-What?
2084
01:28:46,220 --> 01:28:48,393
Love me tender
2085
01:28:49,057 --> 01:28:50,900
Love me sweet
2086
01:28:52,894 --> 01:28:54,305
Never let me go
2087
01:28:58,399 --> 01:29:02,472
You have made my life complete
2088
01:29:06,574 --> 01:29:07,575
I don't.
2089
01:29:10,812 --> 01:29:12,621
Love me tender
2090
01:29:13,481 --> 01:29:15,085
Love me true
2091
01:29:17,118 --> 01:29:19,997
All my dreams fulfilled
2092
01:29:23,958 --> 01:29:27,269
For my darlin' I love you
2093
01:29:27,562 --> 01:29:29,371
Tatiana said this
was gonna happen.
2094
01:29:29,630 --> 01:29:30,734
You got my groove back.
2095
01:29:30,798 --> 01:29:31,833
Really?
2096
01:29:31,899 --> 01:29:33,708
That's the sweetest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
2097
01:29:40,708 --> 01:29:41,778
I like you.
2098
01:29:48,950 --> 01:29:50,327
Wait. There's people everywhere.
2099
01:29:50,385 --> 01:29:52,456
-Let them watch.
-Okay.
2100
01:29:56,357 --> 01:29:58,098
Hi, everyone.
2101
01:29:58,159 --> 01:30:00,571
Excuse us. Could we have
your attention, please?
2102
01:30:01,963 --> 01:30:04,102
My husband and I...
2103
01:30:04,165 --> 01:30:07,908
want to thank
four very incredible people...
2104
01:30:07,969 --> 01:30:09,744
for saving the day.
2105
01:30:10,037 --> 01:30:13,416
Mike and Da ve ve asked
to say a few words...
2106
01:30:13,674 --> 01:30:15,483
so we would like
to invite them up.
2107
01:30:15,543 --> 01:30:16,578
Come on, boys.
2108
01:30:18,346 --> 01:30:19,347
Thank you, Jeanie.
2109
01:30:19,981 --> 01:30:23,053
We never got to give our speech
at the rehearsal dinner.
2110
01:30:23,117 --> 01:30:25,495
Because we ruined it.
With fights.
2111
01:30:26,320 --> 01:30:27,856
But we just wanted
everybody here to know...
2112
01:30:28,356 --> 01:30:29,858
exactly how we feel about you.
2113
01:30:30,324 --> 01:30:31,359
Lights.
2114
01:30:33,928 --> 01:30:34,929
You gotta get
bigger and bigger.
2115
01:30:36,230 --> 01:30:37,436
Did you know this was coming?
2116
01:30:48,376 --> 01:30:52,847
You are so beautiful
2117
01:30:53,347 --> 01:30:55,793
So beautiful
2118
01:30:59,053 --> 01:31:00,191
To me
2119
01:31:02,423 --> 01:31:04,198
Can't you see?
2120
01:31:04,258 --> 01:31:05,965
You 're so beautiful
2121
01:31:06,360 --> 01:31:07,930
This is real beautiful, man.
2122
01:31:08,229 --> 01:31:12,473
You're everything I hoped for
2123
01:31:12,867 --> 01:31:15,143
In a little sister!
2124
01:31:15,203 --> 01:31:18,980
You're everything I need
2125
01:31:19,040 --> 01:31:22,112
Everything that I need
2126
01:31:23,177 --> 01:31:24,588
They're kind of good.
2127
01:31:24,679 --> 01:31:26,454
You are so beautiful
2128
01:31:27,081 --> 01:31:28,355
As a couple. Right guys?
2129
01:31:30,418 --> 01:31:31,488
To me
2130
01:31:32,920 --> 01:31:34,524
And to you.
2131
01:31:34,989 --> 01:31:36,525
And to you. To all of us.
2132
01:31:36,624 --> 01:31:38,103
You 're beautiful, Jeanie!
2133
01:31:42,263 --> 01:31:43,742
Da ve, everybody.
2134
01:31:44,265 --> 01:31:45,801
He's gonna draw!
2135
01:31:46,133 --> 01:31:47,373
Love you!
2136
01:31:48,669 --> 01:31:49,773
So sweet.
2137
01:31:50,037 --> 01:31:51,675
Thought they were gonna blow it.
They did not.
2138
01:31:51,739 --> 01:31:52,740
That's good.
2139
01:31:53,107 --> 01:31:55,781
This is haw we do it
2140
01:31:57,745 --> 01:31:59,418
This is how we do it
2141
01:32:02,450 --> 01:32:04,623
This is how we do it
2142
01:32:04,952 --> 01:32:06,863
This is how we do it
2143
01:32:07,054 --> 01:32:08,499
It's Friday night
2144
01:32:08,556 --> 01:32:09,557
You don't throw...
2145
01:32:09,657 --> 01:32:10,863
And I feel all right
2146
01:32:11,592 --> 01:32:13,936
The party's here
on the west side
2147
01:32:13,995 --> 01:32:16,475
So I reach for my forty
and I turn it up
2148
01:32:16,531 --> 01:32:18,738
Designated driver got
the keys to my truck
2149
01:32:18,833 --> 01:32:20,972
-Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded
-Faded
2150
01:32:21,068 --> 01:32:22,069
Honey on the streets saying
2151
01:32:22,136 --> 01:32:23,240
Monty, yo, we made it
2152
01:32:23,404 --> 01:32:25,543
I'm kinda buzzed and
it's all because
2153
01:32:25,606 --> 01:32:27,449
This is how we do it
2154
01:32:27,542 --> 01:32:30,045
South Central does
it like nobody does
2155
01:32:30,278 --> 01:32:31,814
This is how we do it
2156
01:32:31,879 --> 01:32:32,880
All right.
2157
01:32:32,947 --> 01:32:34,324
To all my neighbors,
you got much flavor
2158
01:32:34,849 --> 01:32:37,159
This is how we do it
2159
01:32:37,385 --> 01:32:40,662
#StangleBenoit2016.
2160
01:32:41,489 --> 01:32:43,366
Hell yeah! Fo sho!
2161
01:32:44,425 --> 01:32:45,699
God!
2162
01:32:46,093 --> 01:32:47,128
Well...
2163
01:32:48,462 --> 01:32:50,066
I picked a bad pose, guys.
2164
01:32:50,565 --> 01:32:51,600
Fireworks!
2165
01:32:52,667 --> 01:32:54,271
These are for you, Jeanie!
2166
01:32:55,436 --> 01:32:57,382
Fireworks close the show!
2167
01:32:59,440 --> 01:33:01,215
Those are from China,
those fireworks.
2168
01:33:15,957 --> 01:33:18,267
You idiots! You fucking...
2169
01:33:31,105 --> 01:33:32,607
This is cool.
2170
01:33:32,673 --> 01:33:34,209
I didn't know you
could do it this way.
2171
01:33:38,479 --> 01:33:39,549
I'm done.
2172
01:33:39,614 --> 01:33:41,287
Fuck. Holy shit.
2173
01:33:41,349 --> 01:33:42,384
Okay.
2174
01:33:42,450 --> 01:33:43,952
That was great. Good job.
2175
01:33:52,627 --> 01:33:53,867
(DA 111G D1GG1TY DA
111G P LAYI N G 1
2176
01:33:58,265 --> 01:34:00,006
I'm so behind right now
on Game of Thrones.
2177
01:34:00,067 --> 01:34:03,514
I don't even know what's happening with
Khaleesi and her Dothraki boyfriend.
2178
01:34:03,571 --> 01:34:06,415
Okay. Well he's dead,
and so is Jon Snow.
2179
01:34:06,507 --> 01:34:07,645
Jon Snow?
2180
01:34:07,708 --> 01:34:09,585
Fuck that dude.
I'm taller than him anyways.
2181
01:34:09,710 --> 01:34:11,189
Saw him.
2182
01:34:11,946 --> 01:34:15,359
I just found out some spelunker
went dunkin' in your bunker.
2183
01:34:16,951 --> 01:34:20,125
You are fresh as a fucking dick
in the morning.
2184
01:34:20,187 --> 01:34:21,689
That's not that fresh.
2185
01:34:21,756 --> 01:34:24,168
Have you ever sucked a dick
in the morning?
2186
01:34:24,592 --> 01:34:26,833
I brush my teeth
with dick, girl.
2187
01:34:27,094 --> 01:34:28,095
Alright...
2188
01:34:28,162 --> 01:34:29,470
Alright... Okay
2189
01:34:29,563 --> 01:34:30,735
What?
Fox don't like that joke?
2190
01:34:32,833 --> 01:34:35,040
I'm gonna throw up.
You look like meat!
2191
01:34:35,136 --> 01:34:36,615
Inner dialogue, inner dialogue.
2192
01:34:36,737 --> 01:34:38,273
I once got lockjaw so bad
2193
01:34:38,339 --> 01:34:40,012
that I was
sucking a homeless man's thumb.
2194
01:34:40,107 --> 01:34:41,643
Dave actually had to
come get me from the hospital...
2195
01:34:41,709 --> 01:34:45,521
because they iound 13 Pokemon
pugs and a skimmer...
2196
01:34:45,579 --> 01:34:46,956
shoved up my butthole.
2197
01:34:47,148 --> 01:34:49,492
I just had to wait
to poop them out.
2198
01:34:50,151 --> 01:34:51,755
Pikachu.
2199
01:34:52,319 --> 01:34:53,525
Pikachu.
2200
01:34:54,188 --> 01:34:55,394
Charmander.
2201
01:34:55,756 --> 01:34:58,635
That's okay. No, no.
Keep your dick in.
2202
01:35:01,362 --> 01:35:03,672
For most of my life,
I thought goat cheese...
2203
01:35:03,731 --> 01:35:06,769
was a slang term
for cheese that's gone bad.
2204
01:35:06,867 --> 01:35:10,144
I'd see moldy cheese and I'd be,
like, "Dude, that cheese is goat."
2205
01:35:10,204 --> 01:35:12,013
Like, "Get that goat cheese
off the counter."
2206
01:35:12,239 --> 01:35:14,810
You look like a
deconstructed taco.
2207
01:35:14,875 --> 01:35:15,910
Like carnival food.
2208
01:35:16,043 --> 01:35:19,024
Like the waffle that the chef would
just go, "We're throwing that away."
2209
01:35:19,146 --> 01:35:20,853
What are we doing?
2210
01:35:43,504 --> 01:35:46,348
And the home
2211
01:35:47,908 --> 01:35:50,980
Of the
2212
01:35:52,913 --> 01:35:55,985
Bra ve
2213
01:35:58,486 --> 01:35:59,931
Play ball, Mike.
2214
01:36:05,893 --> 01:36:08,032
You know we saw my nigga
2215
01:36:08,095 --> 01:36:10,575
Mike and me forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2216
01:36:10,631 --> 01:36:13,237
Stang life, getting rich
Selling fucking liquor quick
2217
01:36:13,300 --> 01:36:15,576
Mike and me forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2218
01:36:15,669 --> 01:36:18,650
Stang life I will never
die I'm a Stangle, bitch
2219
01:36:18,706 --> 01:36:21,346
Hunchback of Notre D
On the B
2220
01:36:21,408 --> 01:36:24,480
Flying fucking girls to my
sister's wedding at the beach
2221
01:36:24,545 --> 01:36:28,288
Now we in first class seats
Couldn't hold me back, G
2222
01:36:28,749 --> 01:36:33,129
Jeanie Stangie being wild Sippin'
Cristal, sippin', sippin' Cris ta!
2223
01:36:33,187 --> 01:36:34,291
Sippin ', sippin' Cristal
2224
01:36:34,355 --> 01:36:36,164
Jeanie, Jeanie,
Jeanie Beanie Weanie
2225
01:36:36,290 --> 01:36:39,294
Gettin ' married with Eric Guaranteed
he's got a big, big weenie
2226
01:36:39,360 --> 01:36:42,671
I'm proud of m y little sister
Proud that she got a wedding ring
2227
01:36:42,730 --> 01:36:46,200
And a necklace, Eric you're my brother
now So that means I'm kinda black
2228
01:36:46,267 --> 01:36:48,076
Wait. Not really.
I'm white, man.
2229
01:36:48,169 --> 01:36:49,842
I'm just happy to be
related to you, honestly.
2230
01:36:49,904 --> 01:36:51,144
-Shout out to Eric.
-Eric!
2231
01:36:51,205 --> 01:36:53,549
I be like Superman,
let me out the cage
2232
01:36:53,607 --> 01:36:55,848
I got out of my cast
and I flipped the page
2233
01:36:55,910 --> 01:36:58,516
And now I'm drawing comic books
like I used to do
2234
01:36:58,579 --> 01:37:02,026
Kinda cool, Little sister
Jeanie getting married too
2235
01:37:02,082 --> 01:37:04,426
Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2236
01:37:04,485 --> 01:37:07,056
Stan g life, getting rich,
selling fucking liquor quick
2237
01:37:07,121 --> 01:37:09,533
Mike, Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2238
01:37:09,590 --> 01:37:12,400
Stan g life I will never
die, I'm a Stangle, bitch
2239
01:37:12,459 --> 01:37:14,496
Yeah, we put the
wedding back together
2240
01:37:14,562 --> 01:37:17,236
First we broke it up
but we made it better
2241
01:37:17,798 --> 01:37:20,438
Nobody makes fun
of me in any way
2242
01:37:20,501 --> 01:37:23,482
'Cause I got Mike by my side,
and you know what he say
2243
01:37:23,637 --> 01:37:26,083
Scoliosis, now I'm
fucking yo bitch
2244
01:37:26,140 --> 01:37:28,711
Scoliosis, now I'm
fuckin' two chicks
2245
01:37:28,776 --> 01:37:31,188
Scoliosis, vroom vroom vroom
2246
01:37:31,245 --> 01:37:33,418
Comin' through the
jungle at you like boom
2247
01:37:33,480 --> 01:37:36,051
Mike and Dave Stangle on the ATV
2248
01:37:36,116 --> 01:37:38,653
We're gonna die
DAVE: It's my girls andme
2249
01:37:38,719 --> 01:37:40,665
My crew and us, we just cruisin'
2250
01:37:40,821 --> 01:37:43,859
Doin' fuckin' ba ck?ips
off jumps Guaranteed
2251
01:37:43,924 --> 01:37:45,597
Ran over my sister's face
2252
01:37:45,759 --> 01:37:47,067
It was kinda wack
MIKE: Mybad
2253
01:37:47,228 --> 01:37:49,367
But you know what?
We came back from that
2254
01:37:49,430 --> 01:37:51,637
You're getting married now
And it's okay
2255
01:37:51,699 --> 01:37:54,373
You're soiurassic,
you're so fantastic
2256
01:37:54,435 --> 01:37:56,540
Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2257
01:37:56,604 --> 01:37:59,141
Stan g life, getting rich,
selling fucking liquor quick
2258
01:37:59,206 --> 01:38:01,743
Mike, Mike and Dave forever
It's the Stang life, bitch
2259
01:38:01,809 --> 01:38:03,584
Stan g life
I will never die
2260
01:38:03,677 --> 01:38:05,020
I'm a Stangle, bitch
2261
01:38:05,079 --> 01:38:07,116
My boy Da ve, puttin
'pen to paper
2262
01:38:08,282 --> 01:38:10,319
Trying to get this
damn label off
2263
01:38:11,018 --> 01:38:12,361
Like Aftermath?
2264
01:38:13,053 --> 01:38:15,055
Vanilla Ice remodeled my house
2265
01:38:15,256 --> 01:38:17,702
Told Dave and I we
should start rappin'
2266
01:38:17,758 --> 01:38:20,762
(My brother's the best white
rapper IBLEEP) Eminem!
2267
01:38:21,305 --> 01:38:27,764
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